#also if i am not able to do advocacy in a way that is really lasting for whatever reason

[elytrafemme]

spoke to my father over lunch about my future, the field of psychology & neuroscience, advocacy law, etc. and i’m honestly beginning to seriously look into being a professor, most likely of psychology. because what i’ve been grappling with a lot lately is an interest to go into clinical psychology, but also the fact that while doing that may leave me time to pursue research endeavors, i may lack time to actually pursue the ethics of the field of psychology & psychiatry. which as we all know, there are so many ethical problems with how psychology runs currently, the DSM-5 is a disaster, my father (bless him) is going to get me an autobiography about someone who was misdiagnosed six different times under the DSM-4 (iirc?). like there are so many things i want to tackle rather than just sitting there and upholding the system; there’s a lot of good in therapy but ideally i would want to be a therapist who actually seeks to change systemic problems.

i think the ideal future for me, honestly, would be if i could juggle being a therapist, a professor, and a lawyer all at once. whether i can actually do this is unlikely because that requires (1) having the ability to get all those degrees which would cost so much money and (2) having the fucking time to do any of this, while working a job, which would get me that aforementioned money. so i don’t think this is actually plausible, but like. 

being a college professor sounds like a good lifestyle i think. be it for political science (which i’m still thinking about in terms of lifelong prospects) or for psychology, i would find that interesting. i am just wondering how i can adapt law into this so i can challenge some ethics constitutionally or within the field of psychology, because i know for certain i can only do one of those two if at all. 

i don’t know. i’ve just been thinking about it. we’ll have to see where this all goes. 

[dykeulous]

i hate the way that lesbian feminism is an extremely faulty school of thought based on actual homophobia, advocacy for “political lesbianism” (i love & treasure febfems, i just really really hate that it’s referred to as “political lesbianism”), and often biological essentialism (as in, bio-essentialism from its’ real definition, not “you’re bio-essentialist if you believe in homosexuality & female-specific oppression” lol). it’s basically a mix of cultural feminism (so, spiritualism, “gender soul”, divine feminine, bio-essentialism etc.), lesbophobia & radical female separatism. lesbianism is a naturally occurring sexuality– it is not “socially influenced”, “chosen”, “cultural”, or “political”. we can analyze the oppression of lesbians & how it’s rooted in male supremacy & heteronormativity without implying lesbians are somehow better people for loving women, or even the creepier aspect– that you’re a better feminist & morally superior for choosing to only date women if you’re also attracted to men (& then calling it lesbianism, as if it’s not just female-exclusive bisexuality). we also can point out that female homosexuality can be an important balance in defying oppressive structures– but this can be a slippery slope. while a lesbian absolutely is going against misogynistic rhetoric that connects women with heterosexuality & men, she did not “choose” this– she was born this way. it is her natural & completely neutral sexuality.

i really wish lesbian feminism could somehow be reformed. i do not want to be associated with adrienne rich, 60s female separatists & political lesbians, simply for daring to talk about decentering men & prioritizing female relations. i do not want to be looked at as a supporter of political lesbianism for talking about lesbian-specific oppression & how lesbians immensely contributed to feminism. i want to be able to talk about the struggles lesbians face under our patriarchal heterosexist regime without feeling like a weird 60s polilez. feminists who are lesbians, feminists who want to specifically center lesbian issues in their feminism & prioritize lesbians in their feminist activism, deserve to describe their movement as “lesbian feminism” without the weirdo connotations it carries. “i am a feminist who is a lesbian, not a lesbian feminist!”– well lets reform lesbian feminism, then. lets remove the weirdo connotations & fight against the polilez hardline female separatists lurking in our movement.

[autistic-duck]

It really sucks when you realize that a survivor's mentality is not a sustainable model for working full-time.

I can't go into every day thinking, “Oh, if the bathroom is occupied during lunch then I'll just wait to pee when I get home” because that is survival. I'm just surviving until I can get to a safe time and place. I am literally holding in pee for eight hours straight, feeling more and more pain because I can't figure out a better time to go to the bathroom.

I can't keep doing that.

Every day, it becomes, “If you can just sit still for a couple more hours, you'll get to move a little bit.”

Or, “if you can just hold in the tears until you can sneak into an empty room, you'll be able to make it through the day without anyone knowing you're upset.”

(Click “keep reading” to hear a more detailed explanation)

I started work this week, and I had completely forgotten just how awful it is to try and exist in a way that doesn't seem off-putting (or scary) to other people.

I had to do two eight-hour blocks of time alone away from home, which I hadn't done since high school, and I'm already realizing that my old methods no longer work.

I legitimately can't mask the entire day anymore. I can feel my joints groaning under the stress. My cells are feverish with the desire to stim. My mind is slowly melting under the fluorescent lights. The voices, the droning voices of professionals, buzz in my head and make no sense. I take notes, but the words look like no language I've ever spoken.

I can't keep pretending to understand what's going on.

But I'm also new to telling people that I'm disabled. The only people who know are immediate family and friends and the psychology clinic that diagnosed me. I want to be proud and confident, to just ask for and demand help, but I can't imagine anyone actually believing me. Nobody helps me when I ask for something because they decide it isn't important.

My sensory issues aren't “bad enough.” My social struggles are just “excuses to be rude.” My stimming is “attention seeking.”

Why did I choose education as the field to go into? I'm not cut out for this new “customer service” teacher mentality. I have to have good interactions with everyone all the time? Just so parents want to send their kids to our schools? How is that even possible? I have a hard time smiling at people who are nice to me, so how do you expect me to smile when someone is yelling at me for failing their student because they didn't turn in their work?

The education system is broken, and I'm just one disabled person who is just now realizing that their disability might actually stop them from keeping their dream job.

How do you advocate for yourself when you grew up thinking that self-advocacy was selfish and evil?

I literally just realized that I can't eat food or respond to greetings if I'm stressed. Showering used to make me feel relaxed before bed, and now it's the only thing preventing me from crying right before sleeping.

I want to learn Spanish, write in my journal, cook healthy meals, exercise in the morning, drink plenty of water, sleep comfortably at night, and spend time with friends who don't make me feel guilty for existing. I want to be able to go to the bathroom whenever I need to. Why does that feel impossible now?

If anyone has experience with advocating for a disability, especially high-functioning and heavily masked autism, I'd really like advice. Who do I talk to? What do I ask for? How do I explain my struggles and keep a job?

[trans-axolotl]

Hi - I am planning to move to a large city soon and I desperately want to get involved with community organizing, mutual aid, protests, etc but I have 0 experience beyond attending a few small protests over the years. I've only ever lived in a small suburb and none of the people currently in my life are involved in anything. Do you have any advice for how to get materially involved for someone who doesn't know what that looks like? Is it a matter of networking via attending events, that kind of thing? Apologies if this is a silly question, I'm going to try my best to figure it out on my own but I feel extremely inexperienced and uninformed.

Not a silly question at all! So many times I see people telling other people "go out and get involved" like that's something that's really simple but there can be a lot more steps to making that happen! I'll share some general tips that have worked for me in the cities I've worked with, and other followers feel free to add on with relevant advice in your city.

One thing that was really hard for me when I first moved to a new city is that I didn't know anyone, so it was hard to find out what groups even existed. Because I didn't know anyone, I also didn't have anyone to vouch for me, and there are a lot of groups that (understandably) need people to vouch for you because of police infiltrators and other bad actors.

I think my biggest advice is to try to find a group with open membership, even if it isn't the thing you're the most passionate about, and start showing up regularly in order to get connected with other people. In my area, the groups that are most easy to get involved with are mutual aid groups and outreach groups. Particularly, if Food Not Bombs has a chapter in your area, in my experience they've been a lot easier to get involved with than some other groups. A lot of harm reduction groups in my area have things like supply kit packing nights, which are SUCH a great way for new people to get involved and meet people without having to make a huge commitment. Keeping an eye out for one time events like that, or other events like teach-ins about specific topics, can be a great way to get your foot in the door and start meeting more people who can connect you with organizing in the city. You can also go and access the services from a mutual aid group or Food Not Bombs group if those are relevant for you! A lot of groups will have days they do outreach that they'll post on social media, or other ways to get in contact. A lot of the ways I've gotten involved in harm reduction organizing is because I'll go to syringe exchange drop-in hours to get needles for myself, and then ask the people working how I can volunteer with them. From there, you might be able to get connected with groups that might have more intensive onboarding processes.

I also think it's really helpful to start showing up to protests and trying to get familiar with what groups are active in your city, but I think that's a hard way to meet new people, since a lot of people understandably have a lot of additional security concerns at protests and might not want to give out their name or contact info in that environment. But it can be a great way to get more familiar with the patterns of action in your new city and figure out what orgs to trust and what orgs to avoid. And once you're more involved in other orgs, it can be easier to find a crew of people to go to protests with.

In order to find out what all these groups are and when protests are happening, I usually go to instagram and start trying to follow as many organizations as I can. I usually start by searching for groups that I think I know are going to exist, like food not bombs, the local chapter of Black Lives Matter, local chapter of Palestinian Youth Movement, and then start looking for city specific mutual aid orgs, harm reduction orgs, sex work advocacy orgs, books to prisons or letters to prisons project, mask blocs, street medic collectives, anarchist and prison abolitionist collectives, tenants unions, sexual violence advocacy orgs, disability orgs, LGBTQ orgs, etc.And then, I go into the followers tab for each of these orgs and find out what organizations they're following--that has really, really helped me start to be able to map who's active, who knows who, and usually at least some of those orgs will be active on Instagram and publicizing events, protests, outreach, donation drives, etc. Also, if there's a leftist bookstore or infoshop in your city, they might have a pretty good calendar of events and be a good way to get looped in. (most of the cities I've lived in haven't had that though lmfao).

I think my biggest advice is to not get discouraged if it takes some research to find groups with open memberships or if there are groups that you're interested in but can't join right away. I'd also say it's definitely helpful to think through what your interests are and what your skills are. Are you particularly passionate about a certain cause? Do you enjoy cooking and want to help prepare food for mutual aid? Do you like doing social media graphics? What resources do you have that you can bring to groups--access to craft supplies, free printing, a space to host events, medic skills, good at building things, etc? There's so many different types of groups to get involved in that are doing direct organizing work for so many different specific causes, and I'm sure you could bring a lot to whatever group you're passionate about.

One random thing that I do want to mention is that a lot of times when I see people answering this question, the advice they give is to get involved in orgs like DSA, PSL (Party for socialism and liberation/ANSWER coalition), or other branches of national orgs like that. I disagree with that advice and I don't actually think it's the most helpful way to meet people or get involved. Although I think DSA is better than PSL, I have my own political issues with DSA and REALLY really do not trust PSL at all because I think that PSL is a really bad actor who actively endangers people in every city I've organized where they're in. (Here's links to articles that describe some of the issues--trigger warning for sexual violence. Article 1. Article 2. I can go more in depth into my personal experiences in another post if needed) But beyond that, I don't always think that's the most helpful way to get looped into other things happening in your city or direct mutual aid or direct action work--I think groups like DSA and PSL often have a lot of other priorities like intra party dynamics, electoral politics, etc, and that other things like protesting or mutual aid work is often a secondary priority for those groups. The only reason I wanted to mention this is because I think that these groups do a lot of recruiting, and that oftentimes these groups are the most visible organizations with open membership for new people in a city to find. PSL in particular does a lot of predatory recruiting, in my experience. And I've had a lot of friends who originally joined groups like these to try to get connected and involved and ended up just sort of sucked into a lot of unrelated drama, so I just wanted to briefly mention that!

Overall, I think the biggest things that have helped me get really involved is just consistently showing up places and also doing research when I first move to a city. Once I was able to meet more people, I was able to get looped into more types of organizing, including more secure or involved organizing that I wasn't able to join when I first got to a new city.

I hope that helped, and please feel free to reach out with any other questions! If any other followers have tips, please add on!

[siancore]

I'm Coming With You

Created for the @sambuckylibrary SamBucky Summer Bingo Vacation Card - Square Fill: Pride Parade.

Summary: Sam and Bucky share a nice moment before a Pride Parade.

Sam finds Bucky hunched over a laptop at the New Avengers HQ. He's usually there even when he's in town and there isn't a mission on, so Sam isn't surprised to see him. Just really happy. He greets Bucky with a wide smile and a hand to his shoulder. They exchange heys and how you doings and Sam settles in across from him at the table. Bucky closes the laptop and gives Sam his full attention.

"Not that I don't like havin' you here, but what's up? What're you doin' here? Thought you didn't get R&R until next week."

"Oh," says Bucky, running a hand through his short hair. "I umm, took R&R a week early. I remember you said somethin' about Capital Pride Parade and that you were going, so here I am."

Sam smiles softly at Bucky. He did mention he was going to the Pride Parade, mentioned it nearly four weeks ago. Didn't expect Bucky to remember or even take note.

"Yeah, the Parade's tomorrow," Sam offers. "Been looking forward to it for a minute now."

"I'm coming with you," Bucky blurts out, causing a little spark of hope and something else to swirl inside of Sam's chest.

"Oh, it's not a work thing," Sam says, pushing that little feeling down; he knows Bucky is trying to be a better, more supportive co-worker slash partner. "I'm just going to be with my people and have a good time."

Bucky smiles gently at Sam and says, "You deserve that, Sam."

They stare at one another, holding each other's gaze; they've been doing this more frequently and it makes Sam want to vibrate out of his body.

"And I know it's not for work," Bucky adds. "But, still: I'm coming with you. If you want me to come."

"I'd love that!" Sam says too eagerly. "I mean, that would be really nice."

"I did some research," says Bucky, looking relieved for some reason. "About Pride and what it all means."

He runs his hand along his jawline absently.

"It's been a hard-fought battle to get here, eh?"

"Yes," says Sam with a contemplative nod. "It really has. There's still a lot of fighting going on, but it's nice to celebrate those battles that've been won."

Bucky nods and smiles adoringly at Sam; that little swirling feeling ignites inside Sam's chest once more.

…

Bucky doesn’t know why, but he is feeling a little nervous as he and Sam exit the car and begin to make their way to where the Pride Family Fun Day is being held. There are a lot of people milling around; music is playing; laughter is wafting through the air. There’s a festive vibe that permeates the immediate area. The longer they stroll, the more relaced Bucky grows.

Sam is walking beside him, and he looks radiant. Not just because of the summer sunshine caressing his skin, but also because of the utter joy emanating from his whole being. He looks lovely when he is relaxed like this. Happy and carefree.

Then there’s the small amount of gold eyeshadow that Sam is wearing. It makes his pretty brown eyes sparkle even more. The gold hoop earrings also add an extra radiance to him. Bucky knows he has a staring problem at the best of times, but tries not to let his gaze linger too long on Sam. He fears he won’t ever be able to look away if he does. Fears he won’t ever be able to focus on anything else but Sam.

They walk around and look at all of the stalls. Some are from organisations and advocacy groups sharing information. The rest are from queer stall holders sharing their creations. There’s a lot to see and do. Bucky doesn’t know which way to look at times. He follows Sam’s lead. And while people look at Sam, because he turns heads wherever he goes, no one recognizes him as Captain America — well, if they do they certainly do not bother him. That is until they walk by a face painting stall and the teens running it call out.

“Captain America? Is that you?” Sam turns to face the youth and gifts them with a smile.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he replies with a wave, stopping in his tracks. “What’ve y’all got goin’ on here?”

“Oh my gosh,” one of the teens says, wide eyed.

“Face painting,” the other supplies. “Did you want us to paint yours?”

Sam looks over at Bucky, then back at the kids, and says, “Sure. Why not?”

The teens squeal in delight as Sam ambles over with Bucky at his side. They examine the examples of art designs set on the trestle table as the teens engage in chattering.

“You’re so cool.”

“We love your work.”

“Thank you for your service.”

“It’s so cool that you’re here.”

“Is this your partner?”

“Do you know Princess Shuri personally?”

Sam is happy to engage with the youth, and Bucky’s mind is stuck on the question about if they are partners. Sure, they are work partners, but Bucky can’t help but think the youngsters meant in the romantic sense. When Sam says that they are partners, Bucky feels something in his tummy: Could be butterflies, could be hope.

“There’re so many awesome designs to choose from,” says Sam, redirecting the teens focus. “Can I get a pride flag?”

“Of course!” they say happily. “Which one?”

“The Bi Flag, please,” says Sam as he takes up a seat.

“Excellent choice,” says one of the teens as they get ready to paint Sam’s face.

“What about you?” asks the other youngster getting Bucky’s attention. “Is there something that you want?”

I want to stay in this moment with Sam. I want to watch him enjoying himself. I want to bask in his happiness, Bucky muses.

“Maybe a pride flag like your partner?” they add.

 “No, thank you,” Bucky replies, his eyes darting to Sam for a second. “I umm — I wear mine on the inside?”

Sam looks to Bucky then, a soft smile on his face. Bucky hasn’t really come out to anyone in this day and age. From listening to what Sam and a few others have said, he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to, and his sexuality is his own business.

“That’s cool,” says the youth with an understanding smile. “Here.”

They hand Bucky a lollipop which he takes with a grateful grin.

“Thank you,” he says, his eyes falling on Sam, who is looking at him with a gentleness that makes Bucky want to pull him into an embrace.

Bucky is grateful for the kindness, grateful for the wordless understanding. He does wear his pride on the inside where he keeps his blossoming feelings for Sam. It does not mean that either are not real and important to him. And maybe, with time and gentleness and understanding, he’ll be able to share those feelings with Sam. For now, he is happy to spend time with Sam when he is like this: Happy, smiling, laughing, and proud.

[forrestbrine]

doing this finally (catching up on Auctober)

warning this is a super long post that isn’t really about Minecraft. It’s Auctober!!! I finally found some time to do this so I’m gonna do all of it then try to stay on the schedule:)

Day 1: Autism Plus

I have autism and adhd. I really like touching surfaces that are bumpy or running cloths on my face. It’s just something I’ve always done 💀 I never knew why it gave me such joy until I started researching autism. I’ve known I was ADHD since I was 12 but I always did things that didn’t exactly line up with ADHD, like literally screaming when my friends sung the “we all scream for ice cream” song when we were young and telling my friends obsessively about horses. I struggle a lot with working memory and executive function, but I am working on it every day. :)

Day 2: Infinite

I very much like the infinity symbol more than the puzzle piece. It represents that autism is a lifelong condition; forever and ever, I will always be autistic, not just in my childhood. I also like it because the infinity symbol loops back into itself, to me that represents autism affecting multiple parts of my life, not just in school or work.

day 3: Audhd

hey!!! That’s me !!!! I already talked about it in day 1 a lot :) but autism and adhd are very comorbid. I think the percentage is 30% of autistic people have adhd traits and vice versa. I think that’s neat that there’s a lot of other autistic people who also have adhd and can understand me.

day 4: music

i wear headphones with music playing a lot when im able to. Mostly it is a self-soothing measure for me and a way to block out outside noise. I like that I can control what music I listen to, whether it be sad or happy or loud or quiet.

day 5: verbose

im such a yapper when it comes to my special interests/hyperfixations. It’s weird because very very little people at my school/work want to hear me talk about minecraft lore and history 😭 I could honestly go on for hours. I would love to teach history lessons about stuff too. I love american history.

day 6: Individuals

every person with autism is different. Autism is a developmental disorder and every persons brain is different, hence it affects our brains differently. I really hate when people go “you don’t act like my autistic family member” or “you don’t (insert autistic stereotype here)” because it really shows how little people know about autism. I wish there was more social awareness around the fact that it’s a spectrum and not just totally different “types” of autism.

day 7: neuroscope

I have two friends and they’re both also neurodivergent. I also have online friends and we’re all neurodivergent. I think we attract each other like magnets at this point 😭

day 8: non-speaking

I experience this sometimes, where I have verbal shutdowns. it’s due to stress and overstimulation 😔 thankfully at work a lot of my coworkers know I’m autistic and are very accommodating and understanding :)

day 9: community

I have been in the neurodivergent community for a while, and it has been very nice! A lot of understanding people who just get me. :) I’ve met people with many different ideas, and learned a lot about myself and many other conditions I didn’t know about before. day 10: self advocacy

I’ve had to self advocate for myself in places like school and work to ensure I have an experience that doesn’t totally wipe me out. It’s a tiring process but definitely worth it. I have also advocated for myself online about my specific needs, like blocking things out that may upset or overwhelm me. I used to think that doing things like this was a sign of weakness, but now I understand that I should never be ashamed of doing something that keeps me safe and happy.

day 11: unlearning ableism

when I was about 9-10 years old I was really struggling in school. It was very hard for me to pay attention to topics and schoolwork. I didn’t know what adhd was and my teachers said that I was lazy and choosing not to pay attention. I was called sensitive and forgetful. I never knew why or how these things happened, they just did. It’s been a really hard journey for me to unlearn a lot of the stuff I was told in my childhood, that I was lazy, stupid, gullible, sensitive, a crybaby, etc. After researching things like autism and adhd I understood *why* these things happened, but it didn’t erase the subtle ableism that had been instilled in me. I have been getting better, and being kinder to myself.

day 12: wired differently

my brain is different than a neurotypical person’s brain. All of our brains are different! That’s why autism isn’t some “curable” disorder. It’s from birth and affects us throughout our entire lives. It’s not just one part of our brain, it’s all of the brain that is affected.

ummm that’s it! updates will be soon I think

[griancraft]

Hello, would you like to expand on the DID being treated similarly to Autism and ADHD by tiktok and tumblr?

Hi this is already getting long and I wanna post this as soon as possible so people who want to see it will see it. This is written on like 3 hours of sleep after a 8 hour shift and it took me 3 HOURS because I am so fucking out of it ask for clarification before getting upset if something is wrong.

I also want to preface this with the fact I am an advocate for healthy multiplicity. I’ve written essays for classes on non monogamy and DID. I’ve written about how identifying as separate but whole has been the best way to heal for ME. I am in no way saying that the way professionals talk about us is a complete picture. Our history is important and self advocacy is important and I think both disordered and non disordered advocacy should be taken seriously.

In the context of the disorder of DID, which is characterized specifically by distress and impairment, talking about it as a disorder is really fucking important. If you’re interested in the history of non disordered systems Sai’s card is absolutely incredible and I really really think it’s important to read. This is not a “syscourse” post or whatever, this all existed before the internet. I feel like discoursing over wether what real people experience is real is stupid because you’re never going to get into their brain.

Much of our history is self recorded because professionals for so long treated us like we were unable to understand our situation and unable to advocate for ourselves. All of these are reputable and sourced with great care by someone I trust.

https://plural.neocities.org

Alright preface over or whatever uh. Here we go.

While the DID community is much smaller than the ADHD/Autistic community, the issue of “well, I can do that, why can’t you?” is very present in a LOT of spaces. There are many similarities in how our “weirdnesses” is perceived outwardly by society. Some things are very very similar such as us being “off putting” and a lot of us being disabled to the point where we are unable to work a job. So, so much is similar in how society views us because there are so many crossover symptoms. But in terms of different experiences I’ve had people say it’s weird that I seem to switch between “emotional states” so quickly, that it’s weird how my voice changes pitch and my stims are different, that its “weird” when I switch to certain alters (my ex said this to his face btw) because they act so differently from me, I often feel the discomfort from certain friends when an alter introduces themselves with their own name. Some of these were said by systems, too!

We find it difficult to identify switches and tell who is fronting, sometimes we can’t tell until I (the host) am back in the front and things are disorienting. There is a massive push to CONSTANTLY be able to identify who’s fronting to other people.

I’ve noticed that a lot of what I experience isn’t in line with what people talk about on tumblr and TikTok and I struggled with that for awhile. Despite having the closest thing I can have to a diagnosis at this point, and doing what I can to read the literature. I do not know who is fronting if it is not me most of the time and identifying who can actually put a lot of strain on us. Sometimes we are distinct enough to tell, but not always. Many people I know also experience this.

Tools like pluralkit and simplyplural are great, but I’ve heard so many stories of singlets and even other systems feeling “lied to” when someone doesn’t identify who is fronting. For a very very long time we felt a lot of pressure to constantly be able to identify who is in the front. This is a symptom that is kinda supposed to happen though, you are dissociating from yourself.

I also think a lot of other systems find littles, animals alters, and fictives/factives cringe/weird and feel very self righteous in bullying them because of it especially if they are “normal” systems.

Littles are “weird” because it’s a child alter in a usually adult body. It’s “weird” that an adult is acting like a kid. DID is a dissociative disorder with the cause being linked to childhood trauma. An alter may form as a child as a result of said trauma. Animal alters are “weird” because it is abnormal to see people acting like animals and the (often) non speaking aspect of this isn’t taken seriously. Again, DID is linked to childhood abuse, if a child with DID was treated like an animal by their abusers they are probably going to form an animal alter.

Fictives and factives are more complex because it’s so often used as an indicator that people are faking because it’s “weird”. This is silly. I’m just going to repost something I’ve already wrote on it because I think explaining it again would make me loose my actual fucking mind.

“Things like “if I were this character I wouldn’t be in this situation” and “this character would take care of me, they wouldn’t hurt me” and “if I was this character I would be strong enough to survive” are all things I’ve thought of as probable reasons and I’ve heard similar from others too!

Also, it is a LOT easier to make something from a blueprint/template than create something entirely new in anything. I don’t see why that would be different in the brain especially if one is going through a lot already. Normal alters pull from our experiences already so it’s kinda just a more extreme version of that imo!”

And what you need to understand about living with DID is that it’s fucking weird. It will be weird. Systems aren’t any more “normal” if they don’t experience weird symptoms.

I think the “tee hee alters in my head” talk is SOMETIMES overwhelming discussions of what it is like to live day to day with the disorder. There are days when there is very little internal communication within us, and many people I know do not have any internal communication at all.

The idea that alters are separate people and not ‘parts of a whole’ is something I’ve seen people very defensive on. while I like. Get this sentiment, and it can be very very invalidating to be told this. But it’s not really consistent with the literature and if you want to treat your plurality like DID you have to at least consider parts language IMO. Modern papers in my experience do affirm the individual identities of alters while still using parts language. This is very good in my opinion because it not only validates the lived experiences of someone with DID but also stays on the track of treating the disorder in one way or another.

There are severe and dangerous symptoms related to DID that are NOT talked about enough. There are comorbidities that are not talked about at all that I like, only found out about from scouring papers. But I do not want to get into that until I have at least. A week to recover from finals dear FUCK.

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok obviously because i am myself i have to journal through some Big Feelings!!!!

here are some of my feelings:

i feel an immense sense of relief. i have been in so much pain for so long with no solutions and no clear endpoint. i feel like i've been slowly losing my mind for weeks. it is just not good for your brain to experience that much pain or to feel that much raw despair every night for so long. i can have my baby and then i can have the surgeries and then i can get PT and then i can recover normal motor functions and not be in excruciating agony. i feel like i've been so deep in the despair pit that i've started losing sight of the fact that i'm genuinely excited to have a baby. i've started losing sight of the fact that there's going to be a baby, period. it's felt like this would just last forever and ever and ever. but it won't. it might last another month or two but from sunday onwards i will be moving in the direction of less pain.

i feel an immense sense of guilt. i know i should wait until 39-40 weeks for his health/well-being but also i know many people who were induced early and their babies are fine. i was born at 38 weeks and he'll be born at 37.5 weeks and i have had no lasting health issues. and they will keep a close eye on him and we will be able to manage anything that happens. i am trying not to let myself be swallowed up by the fear that i am being hugely selfish by prioritizing an end to my own pain over his well-being. i love him so much and i want him to be healthy but i also have to trust that my health and well-being matters and is important to his health and well-being. like i guess start as you mean to go on, you know, and i want to try to be a parent who can make decisions that take care of my kid but also honor my own needs.

i feel frustrated. as my sister pointed out if people had felt a greater sense of urgency about the pain earlier i probably could have gotten to "clear evidence of nerve damage" sooner and then had time to prepare for an early term induction instead of making it feel so rushed. also maybe i wouldn't have done so much damage to my hands in the meantime. i mean maybe everything would've played out exactly the same way and that's fine but it is still a little frustrating to tell people that you are in the worst pain you've ever experienced and to have them be like aw i'm sorry but that seems normal. but it's fine! it's fine.

i feel kind of proud of myself. one of my goals for pregnancy esp after the pregnancy loss over the summer was to get better at medical self-advocacy. i tend to be really cowed by doctors and to downplay symptoms or to assume that if i am a bit more forceful in asking for things i'll be labeled a difficult patient. but i think over the last couple months i have done a good job of nicely but firmly being like, this is not normal. this is not normal. this is not normal. i know you are saying this is normal but this is not and cannot be normal. and i feel like saying that repeatedly and showing up to the ED and calling all the time finally made people be like hm maybe this isn't normal, and then i was able to get objective confirmation that my hands were sooo fucked up, and now things are happening that are moving me towards a future without this pain.

i feel stressed about work but also in some ways i've moved so far beyond that i don't feel that stressed. like i just don't have time to care about my boss yelling at me or being passive-aggressive towards me for leaving early. i'm about to do something that is so, so, so, so, SO immensely more important and meaningful and life-affirming than like, figuring out who's going to cover tabling events or run an application workshop in the fall. like come on. i am not going to expend a single ounce of energy on that in this last week. i will wrap up everything to the very best of my ability and then i will leave it. nothing is life or death in this job, and i have done a good job already of preparing my team for the transition.

i feel panicky!!!!!! i'm going to have a baby in less than a week. i thought i had more time although like what was i even going to do with that time given the fact that i can barely perform household chores or type for more than 30 min at a time or sleep. i feel panicky just because it feels so sudden, but also like, i have everything i need to bring him home, and i've read all the books and done all the pre-baby prep work and i've spent nine months getting ready for this moment. i have a bunch of chores and errands i want to take care of before sunday, but then i want to really dedicate saturday to reflection and journaling and taking long walks and just like, experiencing the last day of being just me.

i feel grief!!!! a whole part of my life - the part where i'm not a parent - is ending. i wish i had more time to honor that transition and to reflect on what it meant. i will definitely carve out time this week to do that and will try to not fritter away the next five days with errands... i think it's much more important to spend time getting myself emotionally ready.

this is a little dumb but i must voice it aloud: i feel weirdly sad about ending the part of my life where my dogs were my most important companions & beloved creatures. i know they will continue to be my beloved creatures! my best little guy and my sweet scruffy little girl! but the time when we were just a little family unit of three is ending and everything will be different now even if it will also be better and richer in a whole host of ways. i have already done a lot of crying and forcibly snuggling a disgruntled Pip and i anticipate there is a lot more of that in my future this week lol. but we will take lots of good long walks and i'll snuggle them so much and i will just trust that it might take a little time for us to settle back into our new normal but we'll get there.

i feel grief, too, at the thought of not being pregnant anymore. in some ways i'm SO ready... my whole body just feels so heavy and so uncomfortable and so swollen, and of course, as you might have heard, my hands hurt so much i think about cutting my fingers off at least once a night. but for the most part, up until this last stretch of pain, i've really, really loved being pregnant. i love feeling him kick and stretch and roll over inside of me. i love rubbing the outside of my stomach and feeling him press against the inside in response, like we're talking to each other, like we're making contact. my baby!! my little guy i've carried inside of me for nine months. i did expect to have more time to savor the end of pregnancy and to honor the experience (even the painful parts) in ways that felt meaningful to me. i feel real grief about not being sure if i'll ever get to do this again! and i wish, idk, i wish i could've paced myself through the end of it differently and had time away from the distractions of work to really have this experience of being in my very pregnant body, connected to my baby in a way I'll never be again, in a way that has felt really deeply meaningful to me. i'll do my best to make that time this week, and i know it's ok, i know that the next chapter will be so good too, but i can grieve not getting to have the ending to pregnancy i wanted.

i feel ready to be changed forever. the rush at the end is not what i wanted for myself, just in terms of getting my head on straight before he arrived, but on some deeper level i've been ready for this for so long, and i'm so, so ready. i want to meet my baby. i can't believe he's going to be my kid for the rest of my life. i can't believe how lucky i am that i got to choose this for myself and that i get to live the life i wanted. i'm so ready. i'm so ready. i can't wait to meet my kid and i can't wait to meet my new self on the other side of this big, big, big, forever-life-altering change.

[autumnoakes]

oh boy. i have not done this at all this year partly because a) i thought it was an art/creative challenge and i didn't have the mental capacity for it and b) i forgor 💀 so! i'm gonna do all of the days right now because. of reasons (the reason being that i have the energy right now right now) (by @autiebiographical )

autism plus - i think this is about comorbidities? i have an ADHD diagnosis and i'm working on an hEDS diagnosis as well. i'm also pretty sure i have OCD and anxiety in general tbh

infinite - i'm not too sure how to answer this one? sorry

audhd - THATS ME!!!!! it makes for some interesting times because i have and will eaten a food for weeks on end until getting physically sick of it or listened to the same song until i can't stand it or played the same video game until its boring (hello 800 hours in breath of the wild). usually if i take a break from it, then it gets better and i can enjoy it again.

music - music is actually one of my biggest stims! a lot of my life revolves around music. both sides of my family were/are musicians and i grew up surrounded by it. i'm always listening to music out in public. i really want to get back into it (i used to play violin before the pandemic but started working right as it started and ran out of time and motivation between work and school)

verbose - irl i'm not very articulate. i think sometimes i'm able to be over text where i can delete things and take time to think about what i'm going to say without it being awkward. in real life though, i'm always fumbling over my words and taking way too long trying to figure out how to form the words i want to say next. it's annoying :/

individuals - not too sure how to approach this one either? so loose interpretation. i know many other autistic people both online and irl, and we're all really different. sometimes i get along with them, sometimes i don't. same with allistic or neurotypical people.

neuroscope - i think when i saw this it was about being able to tell when others are also neurodiverse? i'm pretty good at this but i'm also really good at hiding my own neurodiversity (but getting worse at it actually). i know a lot of people who i watch and go "hm" (because people watching is something i enjoy /genuine) but i wouldn't tell someone out of the blue that i think they're autistic

non-speaking - i am fully verbal, and i live with two other autistic people. one is nonverbal and he is an important person in my life. my experience with life is very different though, so i don't have very much to say about this.

community - i've found that most of the autistic community, like a lot of disabled communities, are online which is great! however i do also think it has its drawbacks because the internet can be an echo chamber and i think there's a reason why a lot of people on tumblr especially are neurodiverse.

self-advocacy - oh boy, i'm still learning this. it's difficult to know when to stand up for yourself and how, let alone really draining. at least, for me it is. mostly because having to do so sparks deep anxiety and i find i just can't do it. i don't tell many people that i'm autistic at all

unlearning ableism - another one that's a long time work in progress. it's so difficult to unlearn ideas that you've been around your entire life and grew up learning, but it's necessary to create a welcoming community. i know a lot of people struggle with internalized ableism, myself included. although i have been able (been forced to, actually) take a step back from my responsibilities and focus on creating schedules that work for me instead of trying to do as much as possible all at once.

differently wired - yeah, my brain very much does work differently. i've had a lot of people (including other autistic people) think i'm weird and tell me so because i want to do something a certain way and i don't want to change it. i'm developing a theory that autism isn't JUST neurodevelopmental, but a lot more than that, considering the number of comorbidities that occur alongside autism.

vivid imaginations - i don't have maladaptive daydreams, but i daydream a lot. ironically, i also have aphantasia, so it kinda plays out as a book/audio recording with some vague shapes acting as the people. i love listening to music on the bus for this exact reason. i often daydream scenarios relating to a special interest or hyperfixation.

hyperfixations - SPEAKING OF. people who follow me will know i've been going feral about hades 2 for months and months (i love the narrative choices they've made with the main character, melinoë, and she's one of my favourite characters in general). i've also been hyperfixating on resident evil (games only) for almost 2 months now. i finished re4 remake last week and started playing re2 a couple days ago. re4 remake specifically is one of my favourite games because i love how they wrote the characters and i love the attention to detail in that game (i'm actually still playing it akdjskdn i got the DLC and i love playing as ada)

pebbling - i have an idea of what this means but i don't know if i do it?

autistic pride - i don't have a lot of it. i want to, but sometimes it's really difficult for me to find pride in being autistic. a lot of it is related to internalized ableism.

repetition - oh i am always repeating. i was told during my autism assessment that i always wear the same clothes which i never really thought i did before remembering that i wore basically the exact same outfit more days than not for like 2 years when i was a kid. same goes for food - i like eating familiar foods and meals and i don't like changing it up or trying new foods. i also do this thing where i repeat what i just said under my breath (pallilalia!) and people notice this but i've only gotten a handful of comments on it

self-regulating - i'm bad at regulating emotions actually or even identifying them sometimes. i've had it where i've gone from being really angry and just wanting people to face consequences for their actions -> having a meltdown. i can't often tell when a meltdown is coming and it's really embarrassing for me to have one.

comfort items - i have a lot of them. i always go out with two fidget toys in particular and my noise cancelling headphones. i have two necklaces i wear everywhere. i have a pile of stuffies on my bed.

executive dysfunction - mine takes the form of mostly being unable to finish tasks, being unable to switch between tasks, or being unable to stay on one task. i don't usually experience trouble starting a new task, but sometimes i do. it's the finishing tasks that's a big one for me because eventually i hit a point when i'm like "okay, i'll finish this later" and then i never go back to it. so i've been trying my best to do things in one sitting, but sometimes it's not possible. i once submitted a half-written essay for a class because i hit that point and i would have failed otherwise.

queer - my identity is hugely shaped by being autistic as i've come to realize. i'm aroace and bisexual, in that i don't experience sexual/romantic attraction, but i'm open to dating others (and maybe having sex with the right person), and i don't exactly have a preference for who i'd do it with. i also think people are pretty. i'm also aplspec, which is to say i'm on the aplatonic spectrum and don't really feel the desire to make new friends. i still have favourite people though. my gender is weird but recently it switched over to trans guy but like nonbinary about it (demiboy?)

disabled - since i'm in uni right now, i can't work. fortunately i live at home and have minimal to no costs despite being 23. it's hard for me to frame this as a necessity for me personally and not a luxury. if i worked, i would have to give up getting my degree. i also have chronic pain and fatigue, which makes it difficult to walk long distances. i do take the bus and don't drive, which helps me stay somewhat active. even if i did drive, without a job no one will give me a car loan, so i'd be in the same spot anyways.

synesthesia - i don't experience this

genetic - i have a lot of family members who are also autistic/ADHD. my assessor did a bit of a family tree about it. the two autistic people i live with are my cousins. i also have another cousin and an aunt who are autistic, and i heavily suspect my maternal grandmother is autistic or ADHD. my dad has ADHD too.

pets - i have none and i'm sad about it. i'd like to have a cat, but that makes rent go up i think, and i'm not sure if we're allowed pets here. my last house was a strict no pets zone. i grew up with cats though, and they make me happy. big dogs scare me quite a bit, even if they're chill and even though they seem to like me (i'll still give them affection. they didn't do anything wrong)

fidgeting - mmmm i do this all the time. my assessor for ADHD put me down as inattentive type because he didn't see me fidgeting much, but my leg was going under the table for the entire assessment and he couldn't see. i also have been unmasking and found out that i am more combined type/hyperactive than previously thought. i don't stay still in chairs very much. i always have a fidget toy on me, too.

stimming - see above. i'm always stimming pretty much. right now.... well i kinda am actually. i'm under my weighted blanket.

safe foods - i like to eat sandwiches and wraps a lot. sometimes i like meat, rice, and some kind of sauce. i have a lot of safe foods but also a lot of unsafe foods and it can sometimes be hard knowing what is and isn't safe. i've had many times when i thought i liked something and then didn't touch it or took hours to eat it (without doing something else and forgetting its there)

empathy - this is weird for me. i don't know where my empathy is. i think it's on the lower side, but sometimes i get just really upset over my friends being upset. i want to help a lot but mostly it's so the issue will go away. it took a lot of effort to stop constantly checking vent channels in search of someone i can help.

accommodations - i use accommodations in my education. i only got them about two years ago when i was diagnosed with ADHD. i could have some for a job too when i get one, but i only got those in august with my autism diagnosis, so i didn't have them for when i was working a couple of years ago.

sensory euphoria - i get this most when listening to music. a couple of weeks ago i put on the totk soundtrack to do work to and was listening to the colgera fight music and was just in BLISS for a solid 10 minutes. i was stimming so much and humming and it was an indescribable feeling listening to that music, especially when the dragon roost island motif comes in.

[frydawolff]

Sharing this today because I don't think enough non-actors know: To qualify for SAG health insurance, you have to make at least $26,470 per calendar quarter. i.e. If you can hustle $26,470 in a quarter, you have health insurance for a year. At the end of that year you need to make another $26,470 in that next calendar quarter. (The bigger issue is the obvious need for universal healthcare, but, America.)

This is what the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes are really all about:

SAG insurance is hard to get, even harder to keep if you develop a chronic illness that prevents you from working, or just haven't booked in a while, etc. Broadcast residuals were meant to help with that, with passive income to keep you qualified for insurance. Streaming's refusal to distribute broadcast comparable residuals has resulted in even high profile, heavily awarded, multiple season jobs not being enough to earn healthcare.

The cast of Orange Is the New Black essentially worked for exposure, as have the rest of us since then.

This is why we've been yelling about AI:

Gift link, no paywall: https://wapo.st/43rubnB

Opinion  It’s fine. We don’t need human actors.

"My dear shareholders! Do not worry about the fact that all the screen actors and screenwriters are on strike.

If there is one thing I have figured out about the meaning of life and the meaning of art, it is that art is something that should be entirely the product of machines and robots while people march around with picket signs and complain that they cannot afford food and housing. Also, no one should ever be paid a residual, whatever that is. I just don’t like the sound of it.

When our ancestors sat around the cave fires at night, sure, they told stories. Certainly, they scrawled on the walls of their caves, but as an executive, I know for a fact that they hated that part of being alive so much. They said to themselves, “Someday, when we have indoor plumbing and can live as we choose, we will be able to delegate this tiresome dreaming and telling of stories entirely to robots and billionaires. The only good part of drawing mammoths on the walls of caves is the fact that I, the illustrator, am not being compensated monetarily in any way for doing so.” (This primal yearning for people to not be compensated for their creative efforts except in exposure is something that has driven artists for a long time and we hope will continue to drive them, in case our AI idea backfires.)

We will be fine without these humans with their so-called faces and voices and acting. If Marvel films thus far have not been populated entirely by CGI characters, it is only for want of sufficient motivation, and I’m sure we can fix that."

[sigynpenniman]

Something that frustrates me about a lot of open-source advocacy is that it often refuses to engage with the needs of the real & professional worlds & the fact that not everyone is a computer wizard, and that even the “easy to use” open source softwares like Ubuntu and LibreOffice are often significantly more difficult and confusing to use than their paid alternatives. I’m reminded of when @hylianengineer posted something about wanting to be a Linux person and just not being able to. I appreciate hating Microsoft and their ethics and data theivery and prices, but the reality is that even Ubuntu is massively confusing and difficult to use for a large percentage of people, especially if they’re not computer savvy or are moderately computer savvy, but only inasmuch as they know where the buttons are in windows to do what they want. The space between “only wants to browse the internet” and “person who knows how to code” (two classes of people who can use Linux perfectly for their needs) is huge and unfortunately contains 90% of people. I am an IT technician with half a decade of professional experience and another half decade of personal submergence in computers in general. I am perfectly comfortable in the command line and I understand computers better than people. I find every Linux distro I’ve ever tried to use, even the “use friendly” ones, to be absolutely impenetrable. The simplest of tasks are easy - the internet works great. The most complex of tasks are easy - and sometimes only possible in Linux. I have an Ubuntu VM specifically for mass downloading from the Internet archive. The moderate tasks, like installing software, are often infuriatingly difficult, largely due Linux’s tendency to product the nightmarish Cascading Dependency Error, in which you try to sudo-apt-get something and end up getting an error about a missing dependency, trying to install which gets you another error about a missing dependency, and before you know it you’re 15 minutes deep in a “simple” software install.

This is just not gonna work for most people.

This also ignores the fact that if you use any professional software for your job, like Photoshop, Word, etc, you need it to work, and often “Just use LibreOffice” isn’t the answer. If everyone you work with uses PowerPoint, you can’t necessarily afford to risk that LibreOffice is interpreting and displaying things differently than power point is going to when you send the file to your CoWorkers.

Open source software is great, but it just does not work for a lot of people and in a lot of contexts, and smugly replying “Well you should just use LibreOffice” to posts complaining about the price and problems with the Office suite is just not helpful.

And if you’re going to comment on this post and call me stupid or say all of this is made up, I need you to understand something, and I say this with love: if Linux and its surrounding software is easy for you, it is not because it is actually easy. It is because you are good at computers and have a brain that finds that sort of thing easy to parse. It’s not that it’s easy to use, it’s that you’ve become so accustomed to using it that you have, without realizing, become unable to accurately project yourself into the experience of someone who doesn’t have that skill. Being Good At Computers has a way of very silently and slowly making you literally unable to accurately imagine the perspective of people who aren’t - I know this, because I have this problem.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, beyond just - as a literal computer person, I’m growing tired of the call to “Just Go Open Source” as a solution to problems with first party software. It really only works in specific places, and for specific people, and people who don’t fit into that narrow window have the right to complain about those things because they don’t have a lot of good alternatives

[paradoxcase]

@maiden-roar:

I think the anti-voting people do seem to want a communist revolution, nothing else is good enough for them, there's just the small problem that conditions in 21st century USA are extremely different from conditions in early 20th century Russia

I feel like maybe I should be more open-minded towards their POV, like I appreciate it when conservatives turn away from trump, it's perfectly rational to be able to criticize your own side, and maybe that's largely what people are doing, so I should care more about their criticisms. By voting based on my fear of the other side, am I just as bad as conservatives who think gay rights and public health care will send us to the gulags? Far-right is so crazy scary tho.

I think a lot of these people are very young. And every single young person in the entire history of the world has always hated to be told by their elders that they should sit down, and be patient, and work hard, and maybe some day in the distant future they'll get what they want. They are young and full of righteous anger and are just so sure that there is a secret way that no one else has figured out to get everything they want right now

As for how you know you're not like the people who think gay people are going install Sharia Law, it comes down to where you get your information about the world from. Their problem is they rely exclusively on an echo-chamber of far-right news outlets. And like, if you start to feel like the places you get your news from are starting to become echo-chamber-like, it's good to branch out. There are plenty of reliable sources that rate news sites for bias, and you generally want to avoid sources that always validate the things you think you know already, or which are making emotional appeals or direct calls to action, even if they are sources on the left. Like, advocacy groups are fine and all, but you should get your actual news from somewhere else. And then, after reading news from multiple sources with limited bias, if you still think a Donald Trump presidency is scary as fuck, it probably is.

also MLs believe that revolution is the only way, and democratic socialism is evil, and marx apparently based his analysis on the french revolution, but like france and england and the USA all had their own paths to liberal democracy. French were extremist, USA compromised with slave owners, UK gradually expanded democracy. History says there's not only one way to do things. We don't know what the future holds. Also modern anarchists seem to be allergic to doing things.

French revolutionaries killed their political enemies, bolshevik-style, but their resulting goverment was unstable and france spent like the next 100 years flip-flopping between modes of goverment. The USA made compromises resulting in a more stable government but then people had to battle slavery for most of the following century. The UK as far as I know didn't have an equivalent event but they still made to basically the same liberal democratic endpoint.

I don't think the US and France are actually super comparable here - the US started out with a philosophy of embracing democracy. A very racist, sexist, classist kind of democracy, yes, but it was some democracy, which opens the door to gradually getting more democracy in a peaceful manner, and what do you know, that's what happened. Whereas, France was going from zero democracy to any democracy, which is much harder, and who knows if the French kings actually would have allowed that without some kind of violence? And also, the creation of the US and its nascent democracy did begin with a revolution. It was just kind of lucky that it happened in a colony where Britain couldn't oppose it as effectively and the revolutionaries didn't feel like they had to murder the king and all of his relatives in order to succeed (and also, they weren't really able to).

Whatever the UK did is probably a much better option than either of those. Although, I don't know a lot of the history of this time period, but I kind of suspect that the transition to democracy in the UK and other countries that kept their royals might have been influenced by observation of what was happening in France. It's kind of hard to imagine a situation where absolute monarchy transitions to democracy on a world-wide scale with no violence at all. But at the same time... the Romans had a partial democracy 2000 years before all of this happened. It wasn't actually ever necessary to go through an absolute monarchy stage, which means it's not necessary to have a revolution. Maybe if Caesar had never declared himself Imperator none of this violence would ever have had to happen.

Also I think if there's any kind of revolution-type activity happening in modernized industrial capitalist countries, it's going to be fascists overthrowing the government. There is almost zero desire for a left-wing revolution. You'd have to do a lot of convincing to get people to give up their comfortable lives and go to war and make sacrifices just to live in a communist country where their boss works them just as hard but maybe things will get better in 100 years.

Yeah, like I said in the last post, once you're in a position where you can change things peacefully through democracy, even slowly, violence becomes a lot less attractive. It's really only attractive to people who feel like they don't have the numbers necessary to get their way through democracy, and right now it's the left wing that feels secure that they have the numbers, and the right wing that doesn't, which you can tell based on which people are the ones attempting voter suppression tactics.

Communist revolutions seem to have happened mostly in poor farming economies, which then industrialize after the revolution. Meanwhile, in countries like the USA, people seem to find fascism to be a much more palatable form of violence. No waiting for the country to slowly transition from state capitalism, people get the immediate reward of killing inferior people.

I really don't think this is based on economic issues, I think it's just very hard to go from no political freedom to some political freedom, and then people look back on those early revolutions and don't understand (or forget) the actual reason they happened, which is no longer an issue in the modern day in most countries.

Also random side note, people like to say "if voting did anything, they wouldn't let us do it" when actually uh yeah the GOP actually does try to restrict voting, yes

The big problem is that no one thinks strategically or tactically about HOW to get from crappy point A to utopian point B. Just people being overly emotional on the website that rewards you with internet points for being overly emotional. Rage gets clicks, reason does not.

I mean, yeah, that's teenagers for you

Anarchists and MLs etc only want change to happen outside of voting. But realistically, the way that workers would realize they have the power to do direct action is through participating in unions. And we have parties that are more and less hostile to unions.

Yeah, definitely

[i-dont-know-what-im-doing-2024]

Trans Resources

I wanted to make a little post with some of the resources I’ve found that have helped me so far in getting some of the things I need. These might apply more to transmasc situations but some should work for everyone!

1. https://www.thetrevorproject.org

I haven’t used this one yet but I am planning to, they have counselors available that you can talk to or text which sounds really great. If anyone has used them feel free to reblog so people can hear about your experience, if not I’ll update when I’ve used it.

2. https://strandsfortrans.org

This is a website where local businesses that are LGBTQ+ friendly can register so you can look through trans affirming salons and barbers in your area. I was surprised that there were a few options near me and it made it less scary to try and book an appointment.

I didn’t want to wait for my usual hair stylist to have an opening and a trans creator I like made a good point that if someone has always cut your hair and doesn’t know you’re trans or nonbinary they might naturally make the style more feminine (in my case) which is why I wanted someone new. At the same time walking into a traditional barbershop when I still have long hair and don’t even have a binder yet would’ve been way too anxiety inducing so this definitely has helped me.

3. https://www.pointofpride.org/binding

This page from point of pride has a lot of helpful resources about binding including how to do it safely and different brands where you can purchase a binder. I’ve also heard good things from some online creators about Spectrum Outfitters and UNTAG for people with larger chests. I don’t own a binder yet so I don’t have a personal opinion but hopefully this gives people a starting point with a few brands they can look into.

This website also has a free binder program as do many others but unfortunately the waiting times are usually months to years. I still applied just to be on the list and I’m hoping to find another way to get a binder in the meantime.

4. https://pflag.org

This is just the National PFLAG home page but I recommend looking at local branches if there are any near you as they offer support groups, scholarships, and might be able to point you towards services that help in your area.

5. Local Resources

I’m not putting a link for the ones I’ve used because I don’t want people to know where I live but I can say some of the services near me I had no idea about but seem like they’ll be really helpful. Now I had the advantage of already knowing a few organizations in my area to look up but generally a lot of the LGBTQ+ organizations also have resource pages pointing to other local and national organizations that might be helpful.

Personally I found a mini grant for $100 where the organization has you fill out a survey and put links for 1-3 items up to $100 of gender affirming products. I put down a binder and a masc shirt and jacket off Amazon. I don’t know what the waiting list is for this but I was excited it included clothes since almost everything I own is excessively feminine. Local organizations might have shorter waiting lists if they serve a smaller population though they also have less funding so it could be a toss up.

Another local service that I would say is probably the most helpful for me so far (although I haven’t had my appointment yet, just booked it) was a clothing exchange. This place provides totally free gender affirming clothes to queer people which is incredible because I’m an unemployed college student and have been feeling uncomfortable with my wardrobe for a while but can’t afford anything else. They didn’t require me to donate anything either so if you still like your old clothes or need them for safety reasons you can still get help. I was also able to book the appointment with the name and pronouns I’m considering which is cool because I might be able to actually get a feel for them? I can definitely say that getting the confirmation email to Conor for the first time gave me big feelings.

Anyway that’s all my advice/resources for now, although I’ll probably make a second post or add to this one if I find more things that help. I’m definitely someone who processes through serial researching so there could be more coming your way in the future. Also please reblog with anything else that has helped you or your experiences with the above services for other people to find ☺️

[overgrownmoon]

saw a post with a take that really rubbed me the wrong way, im not gonna reblog it and invite the Horde to consume me but i do feel strongly enough to say something independently.

The world is shitty right now. My own personal life has been rough, and there’s so much happening outside of me; Gaza continues to be bombed while my own (USA) government supports it. It’s despicable.

It’s right to be sad! It’s right to feel bad. We should feel empathy and compassion and rage and sadness for the destruction. We should fight and advocate and continue to support Palestine.

However, I saw a take that said, if I understood correctly, that the only way to preform advocacy correctly and be a good supporter is to suffer all the time. It was reacting to an article that claimed that leftists were obsessed with “performative distress”, countering that if if one was not having breakdowns and feeling awful every day they were bad. if they were continuing their lives with a smile on their face, going to work and all that, that they where ignoring the atrocities going on. Y’all i’m in shock.

Yes. Don’t ignore the genocide. Read the news stories, go to the protests, call your politicians. But y’all. We still have to live our lives. If we choose to be nothing but miserable because “there’s other people suffering more than you, so why should you get to be happy” then we are only hurting ourselves.

The laundry still needs to be done, dinner needs to be cooked, life still has to go on, and you gotta find reason to smile during all of it or else you’re just gonna destroy yourself. I’ve done that before, I had myself convinced that my life was Perfect compared to other’s suffering, and that I had no good reason to be depressed, and so I beat myself up every day for being “ungrateful” and “selfish”. It did not make me feel better. I didn’t start actually feeling better until I let go of that mindset. I am not catholic. I do not have to hold onto the guilt of not suffering enough.

We gotta do the same here. We’re adults, we’re smart people; there is a way to continue living and finding joy in your life while also keeping Gaza in mind. You can have both. You have to have both. Completely ignoring one over the other will not bring you peace.

Valence in life is important, and you have to find where that point is. Are you having daily breakdowns over the death tolls and reports? You are not a bad person to step back, calm down, and go do something else for a while. Yes, we are privileged to be able to do so. Yes, the people in Gaza do not have this choice. However, putting ourselves through distress will not help their cause. Making ourselves suffer will not magically sponge the despair away from Gaza.

Take care of yourselves so that you can be better advocates; do not feel guilt for taking breaks or just living your life as normal. Do not ignore the situation either, do not give up on Gaza, but you do not have to be a martyr.

This same sentiment goes for any of the horrible things happening in politics worldwide. Yea, I wish I could be fighting 24/7 for trans rights in America, and I have been pretty miserable about it! I also got school and exams and housework and my own life to live! I can’t ignore that! Neither can you, I bet.

TLDR Don’t let yourself drown in misery over the suffering of others you can’t personally solve overnight. Continue to fight but continue to live. Do not destroy yourself. We can have valence in life.

[echoweaver]

15 Questions from Mutuals

@oasislandingresident, @hazely-sims, @danjaley, @anamoon63, and @olomayasims tagged me in this meme. This is the first time I’ve been able to actually do it! Thanks. I feel loved. It feels good to be included.

​ Are you named after anyone? My great-grandmother, father’s father’s mother. She and my great-grandfather were immigrants from Hungary. I have have a picture of her holding me as an infant. I’m sorry I didn’t get to know her.

When was the last time you cried? I cry all the dang time. I find it more notable when I haven’t cried recently -- when putting our cats down, despite me being the one person in the family who was tracking their health in detail and really worrying about their quality of life. I’m also the one who made the call and coordinated the final vet visit. There’s stuff in there about my personality that I’m pondering.

I guess the last time I really cried it out was over gender politics, if you would believe it. My wife is trans. The horrible state of conservative oppression toward trans people right now is terrifying. OTOH, I think that enemy has led trans advocacy to be less nuanced rather than more. The complex landscape of gender, sex, and safety is often trivialized, and people get hurt. When I can’t jump on the bandwagon, I feel like a traitor to my wife. I wish there could be more thoughtfulness and compassion and nuance, but with the wave of vicious anti-trans laws and rhetoric, I appreciate why it doesn’t feel like there’s space for it.

Do you have kids? One bio-daughter, age 12. We wanted to have another and couldn’t. Then we tried to adopt from foster care, which ended up being a miserable 5-year rabbithole that led nowhere. OTOH, we have a found-daughter who entered our life through the side door as our girl’s babysitter when she was young. It’s an odd family, and we’re still figuring it out, but it’s ours.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I think of myself as fairly snarky, but actually sarcasm not that much.

What sports do you play/have you played? I got into really physical stuff late-ish, close to 30. I got into weight-lifting and cardio rhythm games. No team stuff. Later, I took up figure skating when my kid was 4 and taking lessons. I love it. I think I could have been really good if I’d found it when I was younger, but I’m very YOLO about this stuff. If I’m going to be a figure skater in middle age, so be it. Convenient classes for adults were canceled during the pandemic, though, and I haven’t built up the momentum to return. I’m settling for a lower-hanging fruit at the moment and taking up Tai Chi.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? I don’t know exactly what it is, but I get a sense of how easy it is to relax around someone.

Scary movies or happy endings? Those aren’t mutually exclusive. I like being scared, but not so much the jump-scare, blood-and-gore way. Definitely happy endings though. I’m only much into dark endings when my life is stress-free, and I don’t remember when that last happened.

Any special talents? I’m good at looking at a problem from all angles. I think this is objectively a good thing, but it’s also a pain in the butt because I can’t turn it off.

Where were you born? New Jersey, USA. Grew up in Indiana, just north of Indianapolis.

What are your hobbies? Dur. I knit, edit movies, mod video games, write fiction (sims and other), scuba dive, play board games, downhill ski, do amateur carpentry. I did some glassblowing in my 20s, and I’m finally getting a chance to take lessons! I do not specialize well. I also played the viola as a serious amateur. I bought a guitar and am going to try to learn to play so that I can sing and accompany myself.

Do you have any pets? One cat, down from 3 cats. Also one corn snake.

How tall are you? 5′4″ or 162 cm.

Fave subject in school? History, I think?

Dream job? I’m not sure all the stuff I’d want to do in a career can be digested down to 1 job. I’m pretty close to it at the moment, though. I write educational software on a small very family-like team at a university. Sometimes I fantasize about quitting and doing something with game modding that could somehow be profitable, but I’m sure if that were actually possible, I’d end up hating it because my hobby would then be my job.

Eye color? I have the exact eye color @zosa95 described in her reply to this meme.

It feels good to be tagged, but I still have this weirdo anxiety about tagging people. Plus this has mostly made the rounds. I’ll try @withlovefromayre, @declaration-of-dramas

[possibilistfanfiction]

"the neoliberal rhetoric of the pronoun (ESPECIALLY in english) as the ultimate form of advocacy" -- it's such a relief to hear your take on ava's thoughts on pronouns bc i've always been frustrated by how limiting they are? how much stress they cause? i know pronouns are important for some folks but also we're so much more than that...

whew like ok i work in dei, mostly for youth (sport, schools, etc) but also doing lgbtq 101 workshops for upper level execs who run big sports orgs, school districts, blah blah, & it's like... people really think that getting someone's pronouns right (or even trying to get someone's pronouns right) is like........ you have done it! u are not transphobic! u understand the nuances of everyone's gender if you use the right pronoun!

& like... i get paid a fair amount of money to lowkey sell out & explain what a pronoun is (lol) but at the same time it is the fucking bane of my existence. i personally hate pronouns. i think they are legitimately so stupid lol. like... to distill the vast nuanced experience of both having a gender identity AND being perceived at all times as a gendered being (which sometimes match & sometimes don't) into a PRONOUN is just baffling to me.

i think cis people (especially those who don't really want to do the work needed to understand what abolition means -- how queerness & especially gender expansive trans identities are a crucial part of the intersection of where that ethic is rooted) just see pronouns as a sort of easy way out. like you're cool with trans people if you can remember someone's they/them pronouns. it's so gross & so deeply tried up in representational politics (diverse oppressors are still oppressors, white supremacy can be present in ethic & politic even without a white person in the room, etc).

& of course like you said pronouns are definitely important to some people (it is always nice to feel seen & respected at the most basic level 🤪) & definitely not at all saying that anyone should like get people's pronouns wrong, obviously, but i just really hate the concept of how my entire experience as a dyke & a person in general has to be reflected to the world at all times in a silly word which is so vastly incomplete. & i genuinely (not anyone's fault!) hate how that can get tied up in my writing, especially my writing about queerness. when ppl rly care abt terms & IDs etc i can understand bc the common messaging is all rooted in neoliberalism & "representation" instead of anti-state resistance, etc, so it's like. okay lol. but i am intentional in the way i write queerness bc of my own ethic & politic, so you know

ANYWAY yes. queerness & transness is so deeply expansive, to make it only about (or mostly about) pronouns is, to me, ethically against what queerness & transness really is, especially if those pronouns are mostly talked about in the context of english. & i would be remiss in saying that using non-normative &/or neopronouns is a privilege rooted in safety. often i don't disclose they/them pronouns bc i just don't want to explain myself, & i deeply do not care, but i'm always protected in a lot of ways by my whiteness (& that i'm educated, able-bodied, cis-passing, employed, etc etc etc). for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, pronouns aren't safe. being out as trans isn't safe. but that doesn't mean their gender identities are any different or less important or less vital.

so yah ur right sorry this is a rant lmfao & once & for all.... ava is the most anti-state anti-institution character lmao. she genuinely would not give a flying fuck about her own pronouns. god doesn't fit into a pronoun anyway :)