#also i'm aware that this was posted a year ago
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no one's really asked, and i don't really like telling people about the different parts, but i do tend default to basics like these circles bc idk really how else to explain. and also i'm almost always on the fence with if i even have DID or not, even with all the symptoms and conversations with therapist and evaluators and 'proofs' after social events and stuff where hearing what happened, the reaction of 'i would not do that' and stuff.
approximate age and gender is the 'easiest' to pinpoint, since my overall concept of gender is just -shrug-, and gender presentation i don't really think about but there are things like 'oh this one likes when the hair is in a ponytail' or 'this one prefers short shorts to basketball shorts' (and someone else is the opposite in that regard), which might be easier to explain as gender for the sake of simplicity. age is more like a 'grade' level than an age, or a 'group' like anywhere under 5, or somewhere between 5 and 7/early schooling. 12ish to early/middle teenager, or vague age between 14 and 18. a couple of 'adults' with nothing more to go on except as a kid, they're whatever i guess i though an adult was like, and they're anywhere between always 5ish years above me or just 'adult'.
temperament and likes/dislikes, or interests/disinterests is a bit trickier, but this blog does help. i scroll through the dash and random blogs and sometimes things just stand out as someone's, so they get tagged and drafted, and then i use the drafts as a dash and if i feel like whoever and see something at the time, it usually gets posted then. the thing is though, idk even if i am them at the time or what the deal is but sometimes interests just 'speak' to me or not-me and i want it archived/ timestamped for that time. and also led to a bit of a panic attack a while ago where the ocean/waves sometimes feels more like a part than an interest, like there's more of a person attached to it kinda in the [ws] way and not in ways like with toys or tv.
the blue circle with the layers is a really helpful diagram bc i also am not usually thinking or feeling distinct. i mean i can recognize some distinctions like right now i'm able to use personal pronouns and complete sentences and not worry about how grammatically incorrect they are, which sorta points to a certain part/feeling/mode but idk. idk if this is more conscious or subconscious but i am aware of it right now and how these things aren't 'universal' / collective / communal things, but idk really what to do with that. i don't think it matters much, as long as i'm this 'awake' or whatever and know where i am and what's happening. the problem is more when there's awareness of distinctions but mostly confusion, like the times when i almost literally can't speak, like it feels physically impossible, and can't really move either and sorta wait it out or until i guess the other subconscious parts push forward more and break out of that mode?
life usually is kinda rainbow-y and blurry. although i have my circle kinda the opposite of this diagram i think, where the conscious layer is the outermost circle and the innermost one is unconscious, bc i feel like most of the time things move from the inside out than outside in? or like, there's a lot of unconscious stuff all the time, but maybe it sorta blurs with the subconscious, which then moves closer to consciousness/what presents to me and others/what i guess i look like on the outside. idk. i just know that language like 'fronting' confuses me bc i don't think i ever know who is the one entirely 'facing' the world.
and now i'm running out of steam and getting brain foggy so gonna call it a day with this one
I made a thing that’s entirely based off personal experience.
For all the people who struggle to figure out “who’s fronting” or even “who’s around”…I’m right there with you.
[DID/OSDD Casually Explained Masterpost]
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To answer your question about Fresh: Fresh is actually a parasite! He dresses in his 90's-themed clothes and speaks in a silly way so that others underestimate him. His main and utmost goal is to Survive, and the way he does that is by infecting other people with his parasites and draining the life from their souls. Being seen as harmless lets him get closer to them and gives him easier access for possession. He hopes to eventually take over the multiverse, spreading his parasites in every corner of it and having absolute control.
He also has no emotions. He is capable of them, but for whatever reason he is unable to feel much, besides the rare instance of anger. He does frequently feel fear, though.
He is a bit sadistic, and he likes seeing others suffer. This is because when he takes over someone he drains their soul of life, which causes them pain. And to him, taking someone's body means safety, it means he can survive a bit longer as long as he's snatched their body. So he's come to associate the pain of others as something good.
And he's also aware of the creators/viewers, thanks to an event called the Loveball, which is canon to his character.
Going to copy and paste my own words for this [I was talking to a friend about Loveball]:
"So, like seven years ago there was a fandom-wide event called the Loveball, where people gathered their OCs and had them all attend an UTMV dancing ball. Fresh went, of course. There, he met a Frisk called Pacifrisk. Even knowing who he really was [90's parasite], they still believed he could be good. Before this, he hadn't ever really felt a connection to anyone, or even positive emotions in general. But Pacifrisk's faith in him made him feel positively towards them. This freaked him out. [No Fr@ns though, don't worry. That wasn't the intention for this plot.]
As a result, not only did he try to kill them, but he also went through with his plans: the Fresh Takeover [I forget what it's actually called]. His true reason for attending the ball. OCs were either possessed by the parasites or tried to fight against them. Apparently, some people used alcohol to ward the virus off, as Fresh hates substances such as that.
Fresh wanted to take over the multiverse, with this Loveball being the first step for his total domination.
But then right in the middle of things, a Sans AU [which I totally forget the name of X,D] grabbed Fresh and basically yeeted him into an alternate state of being. One where he could see the creators, all staring at him. An audience.
The Sans revealed the nature of Fresh's existence: That he was simply a character in a story. And if the creators got bored of him, he could easily be written aside and forgotten. Erased. His conquest didn't matter, in the end.
Predictably, this gave him an existential crisis. I'm not sure what happened after, but he stopped invading and went somewhere to contemplate his existence in a depressed state.
Afterwards, he had a new goal: To entertain. To convince the creators that he was worth keeping around. Similar to his previous goal of survival, but now with more dire stakes."
His creator @loverofpiggies has some posts about the Loveball, tagged under either the 'fresh sans' tag or the 'loveball' tag, which I recommend you check out! ^^
But yeah, to answer your question: The reason Fresh fought Ink was probably 1: because he saw it as a good way to keep himself alive and 2: So that he could be relevant and interesting to the viewers.
Hope this answered any questions you might have about him! ^w^
THANK YOU BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY I WOULD HAVE FOUND ABOUT ANY OF THIS OTHERWISE😭😭😭 THAT'S A LOT
Now I want to draw fresh existential crisis mood, That's something I never would have imagined existed
Im still a bit confused about fresh not having emotions¿ but I think I got the idea, but still, why does he feel fear?
I think fresh is becoming my favorite now, help, error do something
(Thank you again for your time✨️)
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went looking deep in my drafts for my list of favorite french words to pronounce to see if facétieuse was on there and 1) it wasn't, so i had the pleasure of adding it to the list, and 2) i then read one of the words at random and said, aloud, "oh my god" and had to immediately read the rest of the list out loud. insane mouthfeel. i should memorize the list and say it to myself when i get sad. anyway in case you're curious here's the list which i have sort of sorted into categories but don't think about it too hard because several words fit into multiple categories and also i probably missed some possible subgroupings. happy pronouncing~
words that are fun because of repeated vowels bonbon, ensemencement, manquement cocotte cumulus, pulluler raplapla tout fou (two words but one entry in the dictionary) volcanologie
words that are especially fun for me personally because i can't tell the difference between two vowels [ɔ̃] and [ɑ̃]: bombance, compensation, consciencieusement, contentement [ɔ] and [o]: autochtone, octogonaux, rococo, saucissonner
words that are fun because of repeated consonants sibilants: facétieuse, jaugeage, thésauriseuse glides and nasals: millionième, napoléonienne sibilants, glides, and nasal vowels: association, cessation, expiation, fascination, filialisation, glaciation, initiation, prononciation, scintillation, sensation, sentencieusement, vacillation quelconque traîtresse
words that are fun because they're the same thing twice with the last vowel changed clopin-clopant prêchi-prêcha
words that are fun because i love the symmetry of [eifje] déifier dragéifier gazéifier
words that are fun because i really like combos of [ik] or [ki] with optional friends [l] and/or [t] antiquité antithétique cliquetis coquelicot enquiquiner équilibre étiqueter héroïcomique kif-kif mastication pique-nique quiconque quiproquo rhythmique stoïque ticket
words that are fun because [j] a syllable or two after [ɲ] fucks severely champignonnière désignation ignominieux indignation
words that are fun because they're long with a string of alternating vowels and consonants that trips off the tongue antipathie authenticité habitabilité hétérogénéité infériorité parallélépipède territorialité tous azimuts
words that start with fun [p] consonant clusters pneu psittacidés psychédélique psychique
words that just have a certain je ne sais quoi architecture au-delà baby-foot gentilhommière houppe loufoque luxation mnémonique multimédia préalablement qualifier rouflaquettes saperlipopette scout schlinguer tacheter thérapeutique trouillomètre vrombir
#french#fun with pronunciation#lecture du dico#my posts#ensemencement: is there any greater word in the entire french language????#gentilhommière being a close second. that's the word that i read and then said 'oh my god' about#if we're also considering meaning and not just sound babyfoot would obviously be first but#if we leave out meaning it clocks in at third. not too shabby#i remember when i got to parallélépipède in the dictionary. i was like ARE YOU FOR REAL???#that fucking rocks are you fucking serious rn#also LET THE RECORD SHOW i am less of a baby about consonant clusters containing r than i was two years ago#even when there are more than one in a single word!#do u see traîtresse right there in my list of favorite words to pronounce? are you seeing this?? witness me#consciencieusement is one of my fave words but i'm aware it's at least partially because#i can't distinguish all the sounds of french. so it feels like cheating#but maybe there are dialects of french with an ɔ̃-ɑ̃ merger? i should find out#gnirlies you cannot imagine the great time i was having the day i got to ps- in the dictionary. i was on cloud nine. floating on air#i already knew i loved words starting with ps- but there were so many i hadn't heard before and i got to say them all. with my mouth#try it sometime if u can u will not regret it#f
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TheShatteredQueen posted in /r/AmITheAsshole:
AITA for doing whatever I can to save my people from genocide?
So obviously that title needs a bit of clarification. I (21f) am leader of a very small and tight knit minority group that's being persecuted by a very rich and very powerful man (3200m) and his family. For anonymity's sake we'll call him "Thunderbeard." He wants us all exterminated and our souls sent straight to eternal punishment, just because he has beef with our parents, my father (10000m) in particular. My father is also his father, but that doesn't really matter to him so we'll leave that aside.
We don't want anything to do with our parents; they made us solely to use as expendable soldiers, and we want more out of life. I literally diced one of them (7400m) and threw the pieces into super hell so we could avoid that. Unfortunately we only got a couple days of peace before Thunderbeard learned about us and had a bunch of his "employees" start hunting us. This was about five years ago.
I've lost good people. I can't imagine how they must be suffering right now, for no good reason. We'll all join them if we don't do something. I have a long term plan, but to enact it I need to buy us time.
Here's where things get complicated. Thunderbeard and his co-tyrants have kids similar to us, and a lot of them. Some are much younger than us, a few are much older, but they definitely outnumber us by a sizeable margin. Whenever Thunderbeard and Co need a job done, they typically send a few of the kids out to do it, more depending on how big the job is. The only reason they haven't been sent against us yet is because Thunderbeard thinks there's not enough of us to warrant it. My worry is that once he realizes he's wrong, he'll "rally the troops," as it were, and we'll be overwhelmed.
So I looked for ways to mitigate that, and happened on one that's a bit morally contentious. See, their kids are split into two groups (the criteria for which is a bit hard to follow and not really relevant atm) that have fought each other in the past. My thought was, if they fight again, maybe they'll weaken each other enough that we stand a chance against them. We've been laying the groundwork for that for a few years now, and earlier this week we kicked things firmly into motion. Barring any unforeseen mishaps, it could be the saving grace we've been praying for.
Now clearly that's not a good thing to do, I'm fully aware of that. It's already putting strain on my personal relationships. I just learned that I have a half-sister (19f) who I'd love to get to know, but she thinks I'm a "warmonger" and won't hear me out at all. It's all I can do some nights to fall asleep while the guilt eats away me.
But what else should we do? My people are counting on me to save them. We're damned even if we do nothing, so isn't the moral thing to fight however we can, even if it's sneaky and underhanded?
AITA?
StrengthAndEndurance: NTA. It's your job to think about what's best for the people under you, not anyone else. Keep your head high, don't let the guilt get to you.
FerrumMemoria: NTA. The oppressed have never gained anything by playing fair with their oppressors. In any liberation movement, bloodshed is inevitable. The ruler who does not recognize this is not fit to rule. Carry on as you have, and worry not about the judgement of history until you've survived to write it.
StargazerButch7: NTA. I understand feeling guilty, but there's no easy way out of this mess. We all appreciate the hard choices you have to make for our sakes. Keep the faith!
WaterloggedRedhead: NTA! Thunderbeard is the real asshole! Keep up the good work, we're all behind you!
Write an r/AmITheAsshole post told from your OC’s perspective. (Bonus: include replies from your other OCs.)
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I totally forgot to post anything here, but I've been working on some more Bucktommy stories. Actually made it a collection on ao3. They all take place in the same continuity and are sorted chronologically, but each story can be read independently.
I had already posted the link to "But in this life I met you", it's about Tommy who, some months into his relationship with Buck, starts questioning his and and Eddie's respective places in Buck's life (3.6k, Bucktommy endgame).
"Tommy meets Evan" is a very short story about the first couple of times Tommy runs into Buck from Tommy's pov (1.3k).
Right now I'm working on "Love and Lack thereof" which is basically a "Tommy begins" type of story. Covers his childhood, his time in the army, his coming back to LA and finding a place for himself. (2/4 chapters are online, will have about 8-10k once it's finished)
I was also working on a story where Tommy and Karen bond and have a conversation about kids, but I got sidetracked and am working on that other fic right now.
Also possibly gonna do a "Tommy realises he's in capital L Love with Evan, but it's way to early and he promised to take it slow, what is he supposed to do?" story. (Would also feature Henren.)
#shamelessly self-promoting on main#I think especially my newest story actually has potential though#multishippers are always welcome here btw just be aware that none of the stories in this collection will feature romantic buddie as endgame#also fair warning I'm not from the US and I don't know shit about LA I've only been to new york once like 5 years ago for a few days#911 abc#fanfiction#ao3#bucktommy#tevan#are we still using any other ship names?#tommy kinard#evan buckley#let's hope i didn't mess up the links#i should probably check on that before posting
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I drew this explanation post for why I was completely inactive for a week, but then felt too anxious and drained to post it, and subsequently disappeared for a second week
Two main blog drawings and one side blog wip later, I remembered I made this and still think it's funny, so even though I stopped being dead (TM) I still wanted to share lol
Brief series of events at work
^^^old, but I'm still taking it easy so posts on both this blog and my alt will continue to be scattered for now
#so for those of you that don't know; i have moderate combined scoliosis#my entire back is always at least a little strained so i have to really watch my physical activity#but i live in Tennessee where we have the lowest federally allowed minimum wage#so in order to pay for college i have to work in a package distribution company because it's the only place that pays well/has a scholarshi#I'm in the small package dept thankfully (bc spine)#but for the last three months one specific manager kept sending me out to a different area with the heaviest packages in the building#when i first disappeared it was because i was having trouble walking and using stairs lmao#I complained to that manager and it seems I'll be in smalls again for the foreseeable future; so I've had time to recover and am better :D#every day i didn't post after that was due to anxiety and a low social battery BUT I'm getting slightly better on that front too#i have been *very* aware of my spine lately though#the last time I got an xray was ten years ago and i wonder if it's changed since then... not that i can afford a new xray lol#also can i just take a space to complain about the US not using the metric system#so many packages have kilograms ONLY and i have NO frame of reference for that since we don't use kilograms anywhere else#''ooh wow 70 is a big number but surely it can't be that baD- HOLY SHIT THAT'S 154 POUNDS'' <- me all the time#at this point I myself will just switch to metric and make life harder for both myself and life around me out of principle
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the vampire diaries 8.16 // louise gluck, crossroads
“and damon, like the voiceover tell us, he was worried he would never see stefan again. it was just elena assuring him that there would be peace. that we’ve dealt with this other side of darkness for several seasons, but there’s also light out there and there’s peace, and damon will find it. if you search for it, you will find it. and we wanted to get that last moment to see that [...] damon found it too, and it looked just like his brother.” — kevin williamson
#not really satisfied with this one but eh#i don't envy gifmakers who've giffed the tunnel scene btw bc the lighting. my god. a travesty#anyway. beating this dead horse of an ep to death to eke out every last drop of defan it has to offer#the contrast between damon's expression when reuniting with elena vs stefan kills meeeee#he's doing THE most for stefan but for elena... go girl give us nothing dot jpeg fjskfjdj#also in typical spn brainrot fashion while listening to damon's anguished declaration of love toward stefan in the tunnel or whatever#i kept comparing it to dean's 7 minutes of incest ahh speech in the finale and. my god lol#like i'm aware pitting damon i-stole-my-little-brother's-gf-and-let-him-drown-while-locked-in-a-safe-for-three-months salvatore#against dean i-sold-my-soul-for-my-little-brother-and-i-will-do-it-again-without-hesitation winchester#is unfair to damon but damon's speech is SO bland and half-assed in and of itself#and it absolutely PALES in comparison to dean's speech it's actually pathetic lmfao#i couldn't stop thinking abt dean confessing that he stood outside sam's dorm for hours before barging in#bc he was scared sam would tell him to get lost#and it made me think that the writers could've made damon's speech that much more personal and impactful#by maybe throwing in a line like “i didn't come back to mystic falls all those years ago /just/ for katherine”#it would've recontextualized their reunion in the first ep and given the hello brother moment so much more depth#give us something authentic! something the audience isn't privy to!#something only damon would know and keep buried in the deepest darkest corner of his black heart!#like!!! i'm sorry but damon's dying (not really) declaration of love toward stefan reads so generic lol#just smacks of lack of creativity on the writers' part which. tbf. is like all of tvd post s3 lmao#maybe it's a me problem idk i just think the speech could've been. well. better (obviously i blame plec she gave kevin a whole lotta nothin#like once you sit down and start dissecting damon's words they don't feel /that/ weighted. if that makes any sense#ok so maybe i just wanted him to say he didn't come back to mystic falls just for kat ! sue me#ANYWAY. someone please for the love of god write me a post finale canon compliant defan fic#a defan-in-the-afterlife fic if you will#or a damon-being-miserable-after-stefan's-death-and-being-really-shit-at-coping fic. that works too#wowee these tags are a mess#defan#the vampire diaries#web weave
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Waohg Barbie movie selfie ft 80 tonnes of pink eyeshadow 🩷🩷🩷
#i look cute as shit#also#yes i SEE the little loose seam on the shoulder I'm aware#i didn't notice it until now and im leaving in like 10 minutes so no time to fix it properly#not my femme ass owning the same gingham dress as Barbie#but to be fair i bought it like two and a half years ago#anyways woah its my face#dont be a freak on this post#he/they pronouns pls gamers
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I'm going to be fucking real with you it's 2023 can we fucking. stop posting those images that are like "this is the shoe of blessings reblog it right now or you'll never feel anything again also we'll kill you" or at the very least get better at tagging them.
#art talks about stuff#this is a very exaggerated example i am aware#fun fact about me is that i'm extremely paranoid and while i know they mean jack shit they still can stress me out a lot#ik reblog bait is the tag meant to be used for that but 1. a lot of people just use that for ''rb and put your x in the tags'' posts#which are like. different#and then also people don't tag it at all#i'm not expecting anyone to immediately change solely just because i said so i'm just. frustrated i guess#and don't even get me started on those ''reblog now to prove you're not homophobic if i don't see this on your dash i'll block you'' posts#fuck you if you post shit like that btw#ik they were more common like 5 years ago but i still see them float around on here at times
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every once in a while i find myself daydreaming about what it'll be like when i'm a successful and widely celebrated illustrator/author/game dev/whatever the fuck it is this week. which is a completely normal thing to do btw. the thing is though, at the point in time the daydream is at, i've always already produced every miscellaneous project which is bouncing around in my head, so now i need something new for daydream me to be working on/promoting. slightly less normal thing to do but alright. the thing about daydream me is that the fame has gotten to his head, everything he touches is looked upon as gold, so the new games/whatever he's putting out are basically what i would put out if i was too conceited to know what kill your darlings means, and are a parody of what i would come up with. that's the part where this thought exercise (read: indulgent fantasy) takes a turn into insane person territory. the problem with this is that a decent percent of the time i get so attached to daydream me's conceited little projects that i miss the point where they're meant to be a literal parody of how my mind works and they become actual serious things i want to make some day.
#so far we have: bakuman but for eroge. i haven't read bakuman nor have i made an eroge. also the mc is self-aware + a jab at ddlc#as well as its sequel abt censoring eroge for console ports + it's spinoff which is literally the eroge being made in the thing#danmei vn very loosely based on the evil chancellor traytor tumblr post. the reason that's awful is self explanatory.#most recently there's scifi mahabharata bullet hell. which is the next logical step to take when you Know What Round Table Mecha Is and#ask yourself 'what else is in the public domain for him to do the exact same thing to but once he runs out of works in the matter of britai#to adapt' and know my stance on certain fate servants. no i have not actually read it my info is from fgo but i've been meaning to#and obv i wouldn't actually pull that shit with fgo + wikipedia as my source i'm not that out of touch#oh and you can't forget the classic. gag character whose whole deal was originally meant to be a joke abt the tiffany problem#whom i love dearly and whose story has been filtered through every possible medium i'm even slightly interested in since her inception whic#was over a year ago lol#romeo.txt#in case it wasn't clear. this is not the behavior of someone who's capable of completing A project much less however many dozen i've#actually been serious abt all the way through which this shit is meant to come after.
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neither of these foods are even remotely the same as they were centuries ago
‘bread is bad for you’ ‘rice is bad for you’ sorry im not subscribing to the idea that staple grains that have been integral to cultures for centuries are evil. i love you carbs
#even just 50 years ago bread was totally different.#also the use of the word evil is interesting#really it's how gmos reduce nutrition plus bleach and additives#esp bread has a lot of ADDED refined sugar#either way u should be aware of whether foods spike your insulin etc#i'm not trying to come for op specifically i've seen posts like these a few times
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너무 무서워
매일매일 더 무섭게 되어
난 속으로에 한 걸음도 걸어가길 두렵게 되는 어둠
심장이 고동치길 들을 수 있는 병동의 침묵
'오늘 컨디션이 어떠세요?'
'복용량을 늘려야 할 것 같네요'
그말 들을때마다 차츰 세상이 잊혀져
겁이 목을 졸려, 내 정신이 미쳐
근데 그래도 더 많은 겁과 아픔 참시는 나의 엄마
날 언제보다 더 많이 필요하시는 줄 알아서 걱정마
엄마의 곁에 지금 있을 테니까
엄마, don't cry, please
엄마, don't hide your fears
엄마, 엄마, 엄마,
Don't cry for you and me
엄마, 나의 곁에 계셨는데 always
지금 엄마,
난 네 곁에 있을께 언제나
어렸을때 가끔 잠들기까지 엄마의 눈썹을 스다듬은 기억들
머리카락도 빠지기 시작돼도 엄마의 얼굴 여전히 예쁠 보기는
언제든지 겁 나면 엄마의 품속 속에서 위로 받은 때 있었죠
지금 두려움이 맘을 비틀 때 언제든지
나의 손을 단단히 잡아줘요
다시 함께 바닷가에 가고 싶어요 엄마
옛날처럼 생각 없이 웃고 싶어요 정말
부모님의 역할을 담당하셔서 영원한 감사를
대체 어떻게 표할지 전혀 몰라서 이 세상에
이 순간따라 시간이 부족할까봐 무서워
수많은 할 말이 있는 이 순간 막
근데 그래도 부당한 어려움을 맞서셨던 엄마
지금 나 의지하실 수 있어 이건 내 약속
어릴때 항상 엄마 의지하곤 한 것 처럼
힘을 합친다면 도욱 강해지겠어 우리가
걱정하시지 않게 나 죽도록 무서울지라도 한마디도 안하려고
엄마, 엄마, don't cry
엄마, 엄마, don't die
아이처럼 아직도 너의 손을 놓을 수가 없잖아
────────────────────
I'm so scared.
It gets scarier with every passing day.
This gloom, I'm afraid to walk another step in;
Silence of the ward, where I can hear my heart pounding.
"How are you feeling today?"
"I think I need to increase my dosage."
Every time I hear that, I forget about the world,
Fear chokes me, I'm going crazy.
But my mother, who bears with more fear and pain,
I know you need me now more than ever, so don't you worry,
I'll be by your side right now.
Mum, don't cry, please.
Mum, don't hide your fears.
Mum, mum, mum,
Don't cry for you and me.
Mum, you were by my side, always;
Right now, mum,
I'll be by your side all the time.
When I was little, I sometimes caressed my mother's eyebrows until I fell asleep;
Even if your hair starts to fall out, my mother's face will still be beautiful.
When I was scared, I was comforted in my mother's arms;
Now, whenever fear twists your mind,
Hold my hand tight.
I want to go to the seaside together again, mum;
I want to laugh without care like we used to, really.
Eternal gratitude for playing the role of both parents,
I don't know how to express it in this world.
I'm afraid I'll run out of time at this moment,
This moment when I have so many things to say;
But my mother, who faced unfair difficulties,
You can rely on me now, this is my promise,
Like I used to rely on my mother when I was a child.
If we stick together, we'll be stronger.
Even if I'm scared to death, I'm not gonna say a word,
So you don't have to worry.
Mum, mum, don't cry.
Mum, mum, don't die.
I still can't let go of your hand like a child.
엄마/Mother, March 2019
#poetry#poems and poetry#poets on tumblr#poems on tumblr#original poem#poem translation#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#writing#art#collage#digital collage#inspiration#aesthetic#personal shit#emotional#this was written when my mom was going through her first chemo and it hit us both hard#i never shared this with her in those 5 years#when i felt like maybe o should a couple of years ago they diagnosed her with another nasty form of cancer#so i never shared this again#when I'm posting this she's in hospital for finding out if she has yet another cancer#and I'm scared my never will become a literal never#this poem doesn't matter in terms of never but so many other things do#do you feel me#fuck this is messy#also eng version doesn't feel very poetic but the kor version sounds more like melodic soft rap/recitative in my head#neither english nor korean are my native languages so I'll partually blame messiness on that#cancer awareness#go hug your parents#upd: it's not another cancer thankfully so i guess that never will have to wait
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copycat | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x fem reader
they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but really it's just annoying
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
note: sorry to all of the chloes of the world, i just chose a random name!
f1tea
liked by user1, user2 and 27,305 others
tagged: yourusername, chloereed
f1tea: SHE STRIKES AGAIN! y/n y/ln, oscar piastri's girlfriend, recently changed up her style with some bangs and surprise, surprise chloe reed shared her updated look just days later. then to really pour salt in the wound, reed posted yet again in mclaren merch. will she ever give up?
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user3: BRO YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED AT LEAST A WEEK?
user4: i think all subtlety was lost when she copied a literal TATTOO
user5: the way it's y/n's tattoo dedicated to oscar as well...
user6: at what point do we get a restraining order?
user7: the day that girl ends up in the paddock we should let y/n fight her with no consequences
user8: this has been going on for so long i feel like y/n has a lot to unleash on her
user9: at this point i think all of us y/n fans should be able to get their lick in
user10: i'm new to f1 can someone explain this lore to me? (srs)
user11: y/n and oscar have been together for nearly four years now, they got together when they were like 19. this chloe reed girl went on one date with oscar when they were 17 and now copies everything y/n does to try and get his attention? like down to haircut and tattoos ... it's kinda crazy and y/n has made some references to it but like we're nearing like the third year of this so i think she might snap soon
user12: it's even got to the point where chloe has like started talking with y/n's accent? she has a very obvious accent so like it's INSANE
user13: and to think all of this over a single date SIX YEARS AGO
user14: on a brighter note - y/n was MADE for bangs they look so fucking good
user15: obviously she should stop but if there's anyone you want to look like, it would be y/n
user16: at this point is it even over oscar anymore? or has chloe lost herself to journey to BECOME y/n
user17: the fact that she still camps out under all of oscar's posts and constantly posts in mclaren merch
user18: and don't even get me started with how she's always in the comments of oscar's sisters' comments
user19: someone needs to get nicole to put this girl on blast
user20: remember before elon took away public likes that mark went on a liking spree about chloe being a lil weirdo
yourusername
liked by danielricciardo, logansargeant and 1,209,566 others
tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris & maxfewtrell
yourusername: summer breakin' with my boy (and his boy)
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user24: MAMA THERE'S A BITCH TRYNA BE JUST LIKE YOU 💜
user25: i unfortunately think she's very aware of it
oscarpiastri: i know you love me because you didn't get annoyed about THEM gatecrashing our couples getaway
landonorris: what if we are a couple HUH???
oscarpiastri: max literally has a girlfriend?
landonorris: ur so close-minded osc
yourusername: i love you osc even with these little stray cats you've picked up
landonorris: did we or did we not organise a super romantic dinner for you?
oscarpiastri: i organised a dinner and you two are so fussy that you left to find some chicken nuggets?
landonorris: therefore giving you a romantic evening on the water?
yourusername: you fell in the water trying to get back on board from the tender and i had to jump in and save you after a fish touched your foot and you began to have a panic attack
landonorris: god you do something nice for people and all you get is SHAMED
mclarenf1: you nearly drowned ???
user26: is chloe going to attempt to drown someone so she can claim she also saved an f1 driver
user27: @georgerussell63 alert the GDPA - NO WATER !!!
georgerussell63: understood 🫡
user28: has it not gotten to a crazy point now that we're warning drivers that this crazy girl might DROWN them ???
user29: at what point do we put oscar and y/n is witness protection
user30: the day she manages to get in the paddock me thinks
charles_leclerc: i see our invite got lost in the mail?
yourusername: please refer to whatever the fuck was going above your comment
charles_leclerc: that you're a victim of identity theft?
yourusername: we been known, but BEFORE THAT
charles_leclerc: oh. you should've let lando drown
landonorris: ???
oscarpiastri: i think that might have gotten me fired?
yourusername: no more papaya rules?
chloereed
liked by user31, user32 and 11,045 others
chloereed: summer breakin'
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user33: oh brother this guy STINKS
user34: i am feeling sufficiently creeped out on the behalf of y/n and oscar
user35: i really don't understand her game here though? does she expect oscar to see this and actually mistake her for y/n and leave y/n for her?
user36: at this point i think she's lost in the sauce
user37: also oscar is hilariously down bad for y/n like he could probably recognise her via vibrational field he would not fall for this cheap imitation
logansargeant: this ain't it btw (it's never been it)
user38: not logan tapping in
logansargeant: who gon check me boo? i ain't got a job
chloereed: i don't know what you're trying to say, but i don't appreciate you spreading misinformation and hate
logansargeant: you have literally copied everything about my best friend down to her sentimental tattoos and you've essentially stalked my other bestfriend for nearly seven years ?
chloereed: it's not stalking if i know i'm what he really wants? she's the imitation of me
logansargeant: you like need help
user39: GO LOGAN
user40: bro has been let of the leash
user41: tbf when you think about it, logan has been friends with oscar for years and by default friends with y/n for just as long so like he's probably seen how this has effected them personally
user42: i don't really see how this is such a big deal, people try and imitate celebs all the time ?
user43: i think it's because she knows at least one of them personally and is very viciously pursuing oscar
user44: also there has to be an aspect we don't know because i don't think logan would be publicly taking her on in the comments if it weren't a lot worse
user45: also ... like it probably feels like shit as a person generally to have everything you do copied and not even get a tiny bit of credit
f1
liked by danielricciardo, patooward and 1,784,039 others
tagged: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 & oscarpiastri
f1: we're ready for you monza
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user46: OMG IS THAT?
user47: i'm being so for real y/n needs to fight her
user48: OSCAR RUNNNNNNNNN
landonorris: do i need to inform the legal department?
yourusername: you might want to give them some sort of heads up
chloereed: why you afraid i'll steal back my man?
yourusername: no i'm afraid i'll get hit with a manslaughter charge
chloereed: that's a threat - my lawyers will be hearing
yourusername: tell them bitch, oscar would still choose conjugal visits with me over ever being with you
user49: came for the fast cars, staying for whatever this drama is omg
user50: i once went on a reddit deep dive about this drama where they compiled all the evidence and holy moly this confrontation has been a long time coming
user51: the best (or maybe worse) thing abotu all of this is that her claim of being with oscar first and dating him when they were 17 is based on one 'date' where is was just a joint ball between their schools where there was a compulsory dance in which they were partners
maxverstappen1: yo this shit is insane
user52: aren't you meant to be in the car in 20 minutes?
maxverstappen1: drama waits for no one @yourusername i got ur back
charles_leclerc: at this point i will mobilise the tifosi @yourusername
yourusername: i can handle her, i might just need some money to fix my nails
oscarpiastri: please do not fight her, she's not worth it
chloereed: she won't fight for your love but i will
oscarpiastri: can you just fuck off
user53: i fear she's pushed them over the edge now lol
user54: i'm glad they're both letting her have it in the PUBLIC INSTAGRAM COMMENTS <3
f1tea
liked by user55, user56 and 34,982 others
f1tea: she's finally done it? chloe reed was spotted in the paddock at monza. will we finally see a confrontation between the two girls?
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user55: i FUCKING hope so
user56: if i were y/n you'd have to hold me back i'm being so serious
user57: i'd be in oscar's mclaren so fast and be driving down the pit lane to look for her
user58: i'd already be in an italian prison sorry not sorry
user59: y/n needs to give me lessons on being this graceful
user60: at this point we should just have an undercard for the race that's these girls tussling it out
user61: at this point i think logan, charles and max are ready to jump in
user62: charles and max being in the comments just before FP getting the scoop is so insane i love them
user63: imagine getting these f1 drivers this pressed over an aesthetic
user64: if you think this is just about an aesthetic you're just being dumb on purpose
user65: but like y/n is just a girl with bangs and a basic look, u could say like half of the female population are copying y/n
user66: but like please look at the actual evidence, it's way deeper than bangs babe
user67: also the TATTOO WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE TATTOO
user68: whatever happens y/n will always be better than me
user69: she needs to bash her publicly if she won't beat her physically lol
oscarpiastri
liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 3,984,022 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: please leave us alone, you'll never be her and i don't want you to be
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user71: STUNT ON THEM QUEEN
user72: a man who vocally defends you >>>
yourusername: love you bby
oscarpiastri: if anyone wants to take me away from you they'll have to defeat me in combat
yourusername: not saying i want that but you would be so sexy in full armour
oscarpiastri: for you... i would wear anything :3
user73: bro said his piece and immediately went back to simping like a pro
user74: if he doesn't offer to wear a suit of armour in the bedroom is he really in love with you?
user75: i guess we're not getting any dad!oscar content any time soon
landonorris: ???
user75: it's a joke about protected sex genius
landonorris: OH
chloereed: that's not what you said then oscar
oscarpiastri: THAT WAS SIX YEARS AGO IN A CONVERSATION I WAS OBLIGATED TO HAVE GET A GRIP WOMAN
oscarpiastri: YOU WILL NEVER FEEL SATISFACTION IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU CONTINUE TO COPY EVERYTHING SHE DOES AND REFUSE TO BE YOUR OWN PERSON
oscarpiastri: so PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND LEAVE US ALONE
oscarpiastri: oh. i'm blocked
oscarpiastri: slay
user76: so ... oscar... when can we get this level of reading on the radio
yourusername: don't make him do community service :(
user77: but him being sassy is a service to the community
yourusername: you make a good point
yourusername
liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 2,045,677 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: you can be a copy cat all you like, but you'll never beat the original
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user78: i am sorry i exist at the same time as you
user79: i know this a whole love post but i have a confession, i am IN LOVE WITH YOU GET RID OF THE AUSSIE
oscarpiastri: 🤨
charles_leclerc: this was a whole saga, i'm happy it's all worked out for you guys but this was hella entertaining - when can we do it again?
yourusername: never again hopefully
charles_leclerc: boring!
yourusername: it literally got to the point that you offered to leave your car keys in a 'special spot'
charles_leclerc: well obviously i don't mean to THAT extent but i just want a bit of drama, let a girl live
user80: shit stirrer charles leclerc i love you
user81: we should've known he was in the trenches with this, the inchident knows no bounds
oscarpiastri: i love you and i'm sorry this happened. but you do slay so i could see why people would want to be you
yourusername: i knew me with bangs would be too powerful 😔
oscarpiastri: you're the most beautiful girl in the world no matter what
yourusername: ugh you have me blushing pretty boy
landonorris: cringe
yourusername: maybe if you copied oscar's flirting techniques you'd actually be wifed
landonorris: i thought we just established that copying is bad
yourusername: trust me, you need the help
user82: i'm glad we've returned to peace with the lando slander
user83: they're power is insane
maxverstappen1: can i say helping you come up with this caption is my community service
yourusername: fuck yes
maxverstappen1: stunting on hoes is very much in the public interest
fin.
note: i'm back in a rhythm !! this is not so subtle so i'll expand here: please please please do not steal my work, idc if you change the driver, if you're blatantly stealing my ideas and concepts - to the point that people are messaging me to make me aware, please don't! or at least credit me rather than pretending this a completely original thought. mamma mia didn't bother me as much because it's obviously the musical's idea, but omg undercover verstappen? big reputation? and guilty as sin - down to the series name? i haven't made any posts about this but know it's very much bothering me and if i see anymore i may have to put it on blast. thank you all for reading, soz for the rant but this has been going on for months.
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#f1 social media au#oscar piastri instagram au#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri social media au
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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
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my dad's birthday is such a weird day for me
#u know that post where it says 'we don't speak to each other anymore but i still think of u on ur birthday'?#yeah#i hate how aware i am of these dates. i wish i wasn't#plus it's also the day i decided to stop going to my dad's. so like. it's weird#9 years ago today was the day where i decided i was going to cut all ties with him so. it's weird#i can't believe it's been 9 years. i still feel like i'm 16 doubting if i took the right decision#was it easy for him. all those times he chose something else over me#all those times he chose smth else on my birthday. was it easy for him to not think of me to not consider how i felt#bcs it sure as hell hasn't been easy for me to not think of him on his birthday#jo.txt
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Why do people keep recommending Dreamwidth as a Tumblr alternative, when Dreamwidth and Tumblr are so different?
To be flat-out honest, it's because Dreamwidth has so many things that Tumblr users say they want, even if it's also lacking a lot of features that Tumblr users have come to love:
Dreamwidth has incredibly lax content hosting rules. I'd say that it's slightly more restrictive than AO3, but only just slightly, and only because AO3's abuse team has been so overwhelmed and over-worked. Otherwise, the hosting policies are pretty similar. You want to go nuts, show nuts? You can do that on Dreamwidth.
In fact, Dreamwidth is so serious about "go nuts, show nuts", it gave up the ability to accept transactions through PayPal in 2009 to protect our ability to do that. (It's also one reason why Dreamwidth doesn't have an app: Dreamwidth will never be beholden to Apple's content rules this way.)
Dreamwidth cares about your privacy; it doesn't sell your data, and barely collects any to begin with. As far as I'm aware, it only collects what it needs to run the site. The owners have also spoken out on behalf of internet privacy many times, and are prepared to put their money where their mouth is.
No ads. Ever. Period. They mean it. Dreamwidth is entirely user funded.
Posts viewed in reverse chronological order; no algorithm, opt-in or otherwise. No algorithm at all. No "For You" or "Suggested" page. You still entirely create and curate your own experience.
The ability to make posts that only your "mutuals", or even only a specific subset of your "mutuals", can see. Want to make a post that's only open to Bonnie, Clyde, Butch, and Cassidy? You can do that! Want to make a post that's only open to Bonnie and Butch, but Clyde and Cassidy can't see shit? You can do that, too!
The owners have forsworn NFTs and the blockchain in general. Not as big a worry now as it was even a year ago, but still good to know!
We are explicitly the customers of Dreamwidth. Dreamwidth wants to make us happy, so any changes they make (and they do make changes) are made with us in mind, and after exploring as many possibilities as they can.
Dreamwidth is very transparent about their policies and changes. If you want to know why they're making a specific change, or keeping or getting rid of a feature, they will tell you. You don't have to find out ten months later that they're locked into a contract to keep it for a year (cough cough Tumblr Live cough cough).
So those are some things that Tumblr users would probably love about Dreamwidth.
Another reason Dreamwidth keeps being recommended is that a significant portion of the Age 30+ crowd spent a lot of earlier fandom years on a site known as LiveJournal. Dreamwidth may not be much like Tumblr, but it it started out as a code fork of LiveJournal, so it will be very familiar to anyone who spent any time there. Except better.
Finally, we're recommending Dreamwidth because some of the things that Tumblr users want are just... not going to happen on the web as it is now. Image hosting is the big one for this. Maybe in the future, the price of data will be much cheaper, and Dreamwidth will be able to host as much as we all want for a pittance that a fraction of the userbase will happily pay for everyone, but right now that's just not possible.
Everywhere you want to go that hosts a lot of images will either be running lots of ads, selling your data, or both.
Dreamwidth knows how much it costs to host your data, and has budgeted for that. They are hosting within their means, within our means.
Dreamwidth is the closest thing we may ever get to AO3 as a social media platform. One of the co-owners is from, and still in, fandom; she knows our values, because they are also her values. It may as well be the Blogsite Of Our Own.
#giving this its own post#let me tell you about#dreamwidth#let me tell you about dreamwidth#tumblr alternatives#blogsite of our own#fandom history
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