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kaiowut99 · 7 months ago

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Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters GX Episodes 111 & 112 Subbed (Finalized)

(Previously: Episode 110 Subbed [Finalized])

(Check out my Subbed!GX Stream Masterpost!)

TURN-111: Manjoume and Amon of the Cloud Deck

Realizing that Amon has been investigating nearby, Cobra urges him to engage in a Dis-Duel. Amon also suspects that Cobra has become aware of his actions and is coming for his life, putting a certain plan into action. Elsewhere, Manjoume is bothered by Amon and looks up his profile. Learning that he is the first son of the Garam Conglomerate as a result, Manjoume goes to ask Amon to duel with him. Using his Cloud deck, Amon baits Manjoume into attacking him.

TURN-112: Manjoume VS Eye of the Typhoon

Manjoume summons V-to-Z-Dragon Catapult Cannon, raining its raging assault down on Amon--but Amon just takes it, a composed smile on his face before he finally begins his counterattack.* He opens two of his reversed cards--Rain Storm and Natural Disaster--and uses their effects to inflict damage on Manjoume. Manjoume then fights back, only for Amon's combo to drive him further into a predicament--but an undeterred Manjoume attempts a counterattack with Ojama Delta Thunder, but... *The summary here mentions V-to-Z attacking, but in the episode proper, V-to-Z doesn't actually get to attack Amon--at most, Manjoume used its effect on him near the end of 111, while VW- and XYZ- were the ones that attacked there.

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*cue "In the Clouds" by Under the Influence of Giants*

After a bit of a delay, my subs for episodes 111 and 112 are now finalized! An interesting duo of episodes that show Amon's calculating character and give us the first hint of his backstory (and why he'll do what he does as the season goes on, for better or worse), while Manjoume's brought to reflect on the inferiority complex that has been fueling him only for Amon to break it to him that it actually makes him the spoiled one; I do like the reveal of Amon coming from the background that he does and that he likely would've died in the desert had it not been for Goa Garam finding him (the dub, for all of the... frustrating writing choices they made in these, keeps this mostly intact). Also, Manjoume channeling more Kaiba by making their duel happen in midair suspended by helicopters, A+.

(A few quick Translation Notes here before going on:

As Manjoume looks up info on Amon and pulls up his profile in 111, I edited in my translation for it, as well as retranslated the screen describing the Garam Conglomerate, for the hardsub as detailed here.

As Chronos and Napoleon run into Samejima's office in 112, they find a note from Samejima reading, "I am going on a business trip for a while. Handle things here. Samejima."--as detailed below the cut, I applied a translation to it for the hardsub.)

Animation error-wise, a fair amount throughout both, ranging from quality-of-watching like split-screen timing to card errors and even an error or two with some parts of characters not being fully drawn in. There was also one error in 112 involving Manjoume on his airlifted platform where... the platform and the ropes holding it up were missing that I attempted to fix but ultimately scrapped. As always, details on those and the translation edits I applied further below for the interested!

Also, some housekeeping, as I touched up quite a few things in the last couple of weeks: while working on the translated credits for these, I noticed some minor errors that I fixed for consistency throughout a few episodes, along with one in-episode sub error, and also revised 110 for a few updates. Quick rundown below, but tl;dr episodes 4, 77, 81, 83, 89, 91, 95, 104, 106, and 110 have been re-finalized and re-uploaded (hopefully for the last time lol), and I updated the links in their individual release posts (I'll be re-posting them over on NAC with 111 and 112's release soon):

Revised episode 4 to update the "V-to-Z Dragon Catapult Cannon" name to "V-to-Z-Dragon Catapult Cannon," as well as its attack name from "V-to-Z! Ultimate Destruction!!" (with "V-to-Z!" shouted like a normal line) to "V-to-Z-Ultimate Destruction!!", for consistency with finalized!111.

Missed that the one Backgrounds credit for Hwa Ran Kim had their last name updated to Lee as of episode 77--I corrected this for episodes 77, 81, 83, 89, 91, and 95.

Missed that the one In-Between Animation credit for Eun Young Sin had their last name updated to Shin as of 104--only had to correct this for 104 since their last episode was 85 as "Sin" and their first episode in Season 3 is 111. Also corrected 104's Key Animation credits for some subtitle-positioning miscalculations.

Missed that the one Photography credit for Jung Yul Kim was updated to Joung Ryul Kim as of episode 81, and while I updated accordingly for most of their episodes after that, I missed two instances of "Jung Yul Kim" still being there in 81 and 83--corrected both accordingly.

Missed that I kept "Big Bro" for Ojama Yellow's "aniki" towards Manjoume in 106 when I've been using "Bro" for that--corrected accordingly.

110's revisions: 1) updated two of Cobra's lines as he watches Jim and Kenzan collapsed to match updates I made while preparing 111's script (one was changed to "So, a duelist’s instinct is to battle..." and the second to "Their energy is going to fuel it..." while being made a thought subtitle [as there's less environmental reverb to that line versus his spoken first line there], 2) fixing the Kenzan Disk-related animation error I cover here that I missed initially, and 3) revised the cast credits to fix some sub-positioning errors.

Anywho, enjoy; with these done, we'll be getting into start of some meta questions being posed to Judai that will be pretty relevant for how the rest of S3 goes, so look forward to 113 and 114 next time! I'll also be going back to TFSP for a brief bit to work on retranslating more of the character bios as I've been (catching up to Aki's before I work on more of the 5D's story to then work on bios as I work on stories); stay tuned!

Fixes and Edits! (111)

As Professor Ayukawa tries to tell Cobra just how bad the fatigue among students is from the Dis-Duels compared to normal duels, Cobra lifts his hand to stop her, saying that he's en route to see a "problem student" (Amon)--but his hand isn't fully drawn in for the first three quick frames of it moving. Fixed all three using Photoshop by drawing in the rest of his pinkie finger in each frame, using Sony Vegas to throw the fixed frames into the footage.

As Amon analyses his Dis-Belt, his computer reads out the different parts of the Dis-Belt, but "generator card" is misspelled as "jeneretar card." Fixed by first using Photoshop on the last frame of the zoom-in here to fix the typo, copy/pasting the correct letters from the other text on the screen (rather than using a new font), then reversed the clip in Sony Vegas so I could use AfterEffects to work the fixed frame in using Track Motion--this was my first edit attempted using Track Motion, and I think it worked well (though I probably didn't need to reverse it but oh well). Once that was done, I threw the edited clip into Vegas, where I unreversed it and worked some fading magic to make the fixed text fade in with everything else as the zoom-in happens--all told, I think it came out nicely!

As previously mentioned here, as Manjoume digs up Amon's profile, I edited in a slightly updated translation I worked on for the hardsub, now with hyperlinks, as well as working in a close-up edit as Manjoume clicks on "Garam Conglomerate" and a retranslation of the webpage describing the Garam Conglomerate that Manjoume's taken to.

As a frustrated Manjoume insists he's not petty enough now to let comparing his family's fortune to Amon's get to him and that he's been on his own path since taking on the "Manjoume Thunder" name, there's a quick frame as he moves his head down where the open lip flap in the following frame is accidentally overlaid over his closed mouth. A quick fix as I just replaced that frame with the preceding closed-mouth frame.

After Amon starts the Dis-Duel tourney at his party and the students start dueling, one plays Trojan Horse on their Disk, but it's placed in reverse on his Disk, with the name box facing the front of his Disk. Fixed in AE by applying a proxy facing correctly, masking in the border on the original card and the student's fingers on it.

After Manjoume and Amon take off into the air, as Judai and co sneak up about to go snatch some food from the party hall, the wind picks up around them as Manjoume and Amon pass them overhead--but for two movement frames (repeated twice, lasting two frames each) as their hair moves from the wind, Judai's left hair bang and his forehead bangs get cut off by parts of his face. If I had to guess, the animators accidentally left parts of a layer with Judai's face above the layers with those parts of his hair or something. Fixed both using Photoshop by drawing in the rest of those pieces of hair, guessing at their length with what was visible, then mixed the fixed frames into the footage in Vegas.

After Manjoume tells Amon that they're going to settle their score, Amon asks what will happen if he declines; Manjoume then slides in on a split-screen to say that he'll cut the wire holding up his platform, but Amon starts moving for it two frames before Manjoume's side starts to slide in. Fixed in Vegas by making Manjoume slide in right as Amon starts moving.

[cont]

(8) A bit later, as Manjoume activates Premature Burial, 1) in a quick few frames as he swings his arm, we see VWXYZ-Dragon Catapult Cannon on his Disk already when he should still have VW-Tiger Catapult, and 2) as he slides the card into his Disk and pays his 800 LP, we see a blank space (or the sky behind him) where VW- should be. Fixed both in AE by applying a proxy, then lighting up the card as the light from his Cemetery slot glows outward.

(9) As we zoom out from Amon having summoned four Sheep Cloud Tokens, Manjoume's taken aback as Amon slides in on a split-screen to explain Sheep Cloud's effect, but two things happen: 1) as Amon slides in, his Summon Cloud card in his Disk--which was there throughout the zoom-out--suddenly vanishes, and 2) as their split-screen slides apart, Amon seems to move within his split, causing the background behind the split-screen going into the next shot as we pan up the field to seep into his split. Fixed these using Vegas by first masking in Amon's Summon Cloud card within his Disk as he slides in, then by redoing the split-out so that Amon stays as he is within his split; as I had to redo the pan slightly behind them for the duration of the slide-out, I also had to briefly redo Manjoume's split-out and mask in his Different Dimension Hangar for a few frames.

(10) Near the end of the episode, as Manjoume sets a card down to end his turn, he has XYZ-Dragon Cannon on his Disk where VWXYZ should be. Fixed in AE by applying a proxy, then applying motion blurring as the screen rapid-pans up to his face.

Fixes and Edits! (112)

As the episode opens, I reprised the XYZ->VWXYZ fix I applied as Manjoume ends his turn during the brief recap of 111.

As Amon starts his turn, he tributes his four Sheep Cloud Tokens to summon Cloudian -- Nimbusman; he then goes on to say that Nimbusman lets him tribute as many Water-Attribute Monsters as he wants [for his second effect, as he mentions two shots later], but as he does so, the screen pans towards him, and we see he already has Cloudian -- Poison Cloud on his Disk, which wouldn't be summoned for another 8-9 minutes. Applying my new Track Motion knowledge, I fixed this in AE to nice effect by first tracking the motion of the shot's panning, then applying a proxy and attributing the keyframes generated to it for a smooth edit (which beats the hell out of how I'd manually keyframe one edited frame in Vegas for panning/zooming shots like this lol). [Side-note, but the way 4Kids decided to dubify the card here (while also keeping the error, mind you) seems to have been to take part of Amon's Disk with the dubified card in place and move it along with the pan, which is noticeable because the area around the piece they edited in warbles during the pan. Also, a frame of the Japanese card slips through a frame before their edit starts.]

After Shou comments on how Manjoume's about to easily beat the East Campus champion Amon, Judai and Johan chime in about how neat Amon's deck is; Shou comments that, neat or not, Manjoume's still dominating things, and after Judai laments that it's all win or lose, Johan says he has to hand it to his cloud-obsessed spirit--but after he says that, Shou oddly jitters three frames before the end of the shot as if to gasp, though doesn't audibly do so. Quickly fixed in Vegas by replacing that with the previous frame to keep him still.

A bit later, after Amon gets his Rain Storm and Natural Disaster going with Nimbusman, it dawns on Manjoume that it was what he was planning the whole time; the screen cracks apart to show Amon about to destroy his Hyper Coat Trap, but as the screen splits apart, one side of the split takes an extra frame to slide offscreen. Fixed in Vegas by replacing it with the following split-less frame so both sides slide off together.

After Amon has Ghost Fog attack V-to-Z, an annoyed Manjoume tells the fog to disappear, but for a quick frame, his closed mouth vanishes as he starts turning to V-to-Z to have it fight back. A quick fix in Vegas by masking in his closed mouth and mouth shadow from the previous frame.

After Amon summons Poison Cloud, we have the inverse of #2 happen as Nimbusman is instead on his Disk in Defense Mode. Fixed in AE after another bit of Track Motion use, with the keyframes generated for the shot's panning here applied to the proxy I put into place on his Disk.

A bit later, as Manjoume activates Angel's/Graceful Charity, he draws his three cards, but as he slides them into his hand to grab two to discard, there's a quick frame where it looks like he actually drew four cards. Fixed using Photoshop to wipe away the extra card border on the third card he drew, stretching from his right middle finger to his left middle finger.

As Amon slips Wonder Cloud into his Disk as he activates it, the shot of his Disk isn't fully in the frame, as there's a thick black bar along the bottom. Fixed this in Vegas by slightly cropping the shot to remove it, uncropping as the screen pans up to Amon's face.

As Amon explains Eye of the Typhoon's Battle-Mode-switching effect, a surprised Manjoume slides in on a split-screen to react, but Amon moves for it a frame before his split starts to slide in. Fixed in Vegas by having Manjoume start sliding in right as Amon starts to move.

[cont]

(10) Chronos and Napoleon, in panic, run into Samejima's office demanding that he put an end to the Dis-Duels, only to find a note he left for them on his desk. For the hardsub, I translated the note, reading, "I am going on a business trip for a while. Handle things here. Samejima," by creating a new image with the translation in Photoshop, then CC-Power-Pinning it into place in AE and masking in the edges of the original note for blending. (I also made an edit using the dub's version of the note, as read by Crowler, for reasons.)

(11) In the next shot, Chronos walks up to grab the note, but there's a quick frame where part of it is missing as it passes by Napoleon. Fixed this by filling it out in Photoshop. Additionally, I also applied my translation for the note here in AE for the hardsub, using the Mesh Warp effect to warp it along the edges of the original note as Chronos lifts it up. (And I also worked my dub note edit in.)

(12) After reading the note, Chronos shows it to Napoleon in disbelief, Napoleon nervously asking what they should do now as we fade to black to end the episode. For the hardsub, I applied my translation (and also the dub version) in AE, using one video track applying the Mesh Warp effect to it for a few of the initial frames as Chronos moves it towards Napoleon where it's still bent, then just using the CC Power Pin effect for the remaining frames, and masking in Chronos's hand over it; once done, I took the edit into Vegas where I re-faded it to black.

(13) In the preview for 113, we see Professor Satou's Demandman attacking Air Hummingbird, but there's a black space on Judai's Disk where Air Hummingbird should be as he moves while the attack connects. I fixed this first in 113 proper, applying a proxy using AE and masking in Demandman's wires over it, then applied the fix to the Japanese preview here by additionally masking in part of the episode title text back over it.

One fix I attempted but scrapped: a few shots later using Angel's/Graceful Charity, Manjoume uses Enchanting Fitting Room to summon his three Ojamas, but notably, the platform he should be standing on, as well as the ropes leading to the wire holding it up, are missing (you can see a gap in Manjoume's feet where the platform should be). As mentioned here, I attempted a fix here using a similar shot later in the episode, and while I think it could've been doable with another bit of Track Motion (and probably some masking to account for Fitting Room fading out), I scrapped it as I didn't have a good enough reference to use with more properly redrawing Manjoume's legs and shoes.

#GX #yugioh #yugioh gx #ygo #ygo gx #yu-gi-oh gx #yu-gi-oh! gx #jun manjoume #amon garam #my subs #rbs for visibility are always appreciated :)#having to upload that 'i'd NEVER have an idea that'd move the plot along' clip bc no one has [or it was taken down] was pain #look at what they've done to my boy Shou throughout Season 3 #also an earth/atmospheric science college major i do appreciate these eps quite a bit lol #and more manjoume dueling is always nice

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dangermousie · 1 year ago

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Farscape rewatch - Sons and Lovers, 3x02

“Sons and Lovers” is one of my favorites, in some ways. For Farscape it is a light, happy ep, much needed before the sorrow of the coming two parter, then the bleakness of Different Destinations and all the queasiness starting with Eat Me. Of course, by standards of most other shows, this would be a heavy, serious ep: Zhaan is still dying, D’Argo finds out his son and his gf cheated with each other etc. But it is not like that at all, and not just because of razor sharp writing (some of the best, sharpest dialogue of the season is in this ep.) Zhaan is dying but not gone, and there is hope she will find a proper planet and heal. No one is dead or driven insane. No one is even hunting Moyans this time, and you can’t even say they are merely at the wrong place at the wrong time because they end up saving the situation so it’s good for people at the station they ended up there. No one important dies, and the death toll is super low even for the extras. It is, in Moya terms, a good day. In a way, this whole episode is about three romantic relationships, all in a state of flux. There are John and Aeryn, just beginning, in their giddily hopeful-tentative dance (soon to get complicated with Eat Me enormously, of course). There are Zhaan and Stark, a relationship ending, through outside forces: through Zhaan’s impending death. And there are Chi/D’Argo, exploding in a messy, neuron bomb kind of way. It is also an episode drenched in sex. Not just, on a most obvious level, Chiana and Jothee, both acting out through their betrayal of D’Argo, but also the sex that John and Aeryn are not having, and the self-gratification Rygel indulges in (I never got it before, but when he is watching Chi/Jothee on the holovid, he is stroking his eyebrows which is his equivalent of you know what.) You know, my favorite scene in this ep is actually…well, actually it’s two scenes. One is Zhaan and Stark in the bar, with Zhaan telling Stark to stop fussing because ‘I am dying, Stark, I am not an invalid’ (OMG Zhaan love - so very tough, always.)

And also his seeing the lesions on her head and realizing that her disease progressed much faster than they thought and the helpless distraughtness and his insistence despite it all that they will find a place for her to heal (is he, like John, holding on so unimaginably tightly to his OTP because she is the one thing he has left?)

And then that quote, when she tells him about helping her to pass on is the one thing he can do, and he is an expert (btw, seriously, I bet he was fucked up even before the Aurora Chair, that sounds like a gift no one would want to have). And his reply ‘I am an expert on dying, I am just not an expert on you dying.’

Well…soon you will become an expert on this, Stark. Ok, must think happy thoughts, happy thoughts. This is a happy ep, if I say it enough it will be true. But honestly, Stark breaks my heart in this ep and not just because Paul Goddard is gorgeous. (I am finding a man with no hair and half his head in a metal mask hot, Good Lord.) But neat points to the writers for little touches of character consistency, as when Stark tips those servitors some enormous tip and is all communist about ‘servants are never paid enough.’ I think his dislike of exploitation is pretty personal: guy is a former slave after all. The other favorite scene is in the conduits, John and Aeryn discussing the sex they are not having. This is the first time we see them after the mutual love confession and the crazy, incredible kiss. And their chemistry is as thick as ever, but what I am noticing is the sheer amount of physical contact, of joyfully matter-of-fact invasion of each other’s personal space that is in this ep, from their hands nearly touching when she shows off her new ammunition, to her sitting by him, as she comes in (and of course, when there is the storm, Aeryn is the one John yells for, first, to make sure she is OK, just like Stark is doing same with Zhaan). And then in the conduits, I love the scene where Aeryn basically offers pure sex, no emotional attachment necessary. She says they can have sex and to be emotionally detached. I have to say, I so do not follow the lady’s logic here. Point one, she and John love each other, and have admitted said fact to each other. Point two, now they are going to have sex, if she has her way. But how are you not having a relationship if you are in love and you are friends and you are having sex? Whaaaat?

I don’t think she connected the dots and desperately trying to compartmentalize. I suppose she can be hoping that their love is only lust which will pass if they do it, but they have done it already and she doesn’t seem to want to deny she loves him, she just doesn’t want to act on it, but isn’t sleeping with the man you love and who loves you back, acting on it? How is it supposed to work? She is all ‘I don’t need emotions’ but she already has them, she shares Crichton’s feelings. Oh, poor Aeryn, feeling her way in the dark. Plus, there is the simple fact that she always found John attractive, on a purely physical level, way before any love stuff. Heh, girl is frustrated. I do think John should have taken her up on the offer (as Chi said in LATP in S2, he should go ‘fast with the body and slow with the soul’ with Aeryn, and Chi should know stuff like that). But instead, he doesn’t and his line of ‘I got two hands, I can alternate’ when rejecting is one of my ep faves (of course he’s the one who wants feelings and she’s the one who wants only sex. I love the constant stereotype reversal.) Not to mention how close they are to each other there, and all the touching is driving them both nuts, and making me a little hot too. It’s a combustible scene. And then she starts taking off her shirt before falling into a hole. Awww. I do love that he totally wants to take her up on that offer at the end of the ep but before he can say so, she tells him he was right and they should hold off. Good Luck, guys. And they are mutually grinning at each other, and they tell Rygel to shut up in unison, while grinning, and OMG, I love my ship so much. On non-shippy front, it is fun to see Crichton legend being born/formed (as that security chick recites it, greatly distorted). And fun to see the boy get a bit smashed in the bar. He needs it. I also love his ‘no patience with this crap’ for the fanatical religious security chick villain. If you think about it, he has a right to be fed up. Not only were they down there for r&r, but she is total small fry, comparatively, so it’s annoying having to deal with this.

Let’s see, what else? I love Pilot’s evil cackle as he spaces villain girl. It’s so interesting though, because in the beginning, death of evil an awful person bugged John, but no more. His compassion is shrinking, isn’t it? But did I mention my love for competent, sane, not tormented Crichton? So much love. And then there is the betrayal of D’Argo plot. I feel horrid for D’Argo (love the John and D’Argo bonding scene outside, so much though. In a way, they have such a best buddy thing). I have to say though, while Chi might be a sucky gf, she is generally a loyal friend, a brave person, and a useful crewmate. None of which I can say for Jothee (look at their different reactions when Moya is in a crisis, he is useless. Or when D finds out about cheating, Chi tells D it’s her fault, not Jothee’s, as Jothee just stands there like a tree). But of course, he leaves, shamed by his actions, to grow and be worthy, and he actually becomes that, see his return in PKW. I love that possibility of grace. Even for Crais, and obviously so much more reachable for Jothee. Oh, and Rygel. I love the obnoxious, hilarious little toad.

Next ep: Zhaan, oh no! And Jool, oh yes! (A lot of people don’t like Jool but even before I liked her by her own rights, I thought she was a great comic relief from the darkness. You enjoyed her getting in trouble. Plus, if I was stranded on a ship of alien criminals in space, I am afraid I’d be more Jool, less John).

#farscape

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theoldhempfarmer · 1 year ago

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The lull before the storm...

Dateline 1-10-24

It stormed like a banshee last night here in Middle Tennessee with high winds, which has segued into a cold frosty morning. Which means The Old Hemp Farmer is no hurry to start deliveries. So presently I’m nursing a robust hot cup of organic Indonesian coffee and hitting my Volcano loaded with a healthy portion Tennessee homegrown high CBD/THCa flower. As the Caffeine Cacao and Cannabis buzz manifests itself, the keyboard is beckoning me to do this thing. So with Channel Q playing in the back ground let's ease into this blurb. The cool thing about Tennessee homegrown selling Cannabis products for over 8 years is that you have a body of sales information to analyze and then digest. One of the things my partner Lee Crabtree and I realized is that a Cannabis Company is sort of like a living entity with ebbs and flows that come and go with the various seasons. After all of the years of selling our fine Tennessee homegrown products, that one thing has been consistent, that the amount of sales in January, suck. There's another thing that ebbs and flows, that's Cannabis legislation and the implementation of Cannabis rules and regulations. The present legislative session in Tennessee started January 9th as it did in a lot of other states. And although legislative session starts the second week of January, nothing really happens as members get assigned to various committees and politicos size up the room, this where power politics actually happens. There are certain committees that have to do with various forms of commerce are the most plum because this where the most money can be raised for your next campaign. As Senator or House members get their committee assignments their staff will make gentle entries to businesses that are affected with legislation that make their life easier or harder. This is because a week after they are sworn in, most politicians have to start raising money for their next election. Which means there isn’t any real horse trading over votes and legislation at the statehouse until about the first week of February. This especially true in Tennessee and also its during this same period of time things in the Tennessee Cannabis industry will start to get intense, very intense. The Cannabis Town Hall Meeting February 6th, at the Tennessee Department of Agriculture seems to be one of those moments in time that people have come to believe will be a pivotal. The more people that believe that petitioning the TDA will work, the more likely that it becomes a “thing”. The Old Hemp Farmer has been accused of being negative about the future of THCa, so to compensate, I’ll be putting out positive vibes for everyone that attends or has e-mailed, texted, etc. Even monoliths like the TDA want to appear amenable to the wishes of their constituents, so this approach might bear fruit but if it doesn’t, this will be the perfect time to approach your favorite politicians.

During the last few years, the Cannabis Businesses in Tennessee have done well over $200 million in revenue, so it will be very interesting to see if Cannabis has grown large enough to flex their muscles in the statehouse. It’s common knowledge that several members of the current Tennessee legislative session have received Cannabis money to aid their campaigns but has enough money been spread around to make a difference? No matter, the results of Cannabis public and private lobbying won’t be apparent until about the second week of March. So right now Cannabis folks, enjoy the lull before the storm. Anyway as always, Hemp Dawgs and Hemp Puppies keep one eye on the weather and the other eye on the market.

Visit our Tennessee homegrown web site to try our great products: https://www.tnhomegrown.com

The Wife's web site: https://www.theoldhempfarmerswife.com

Our Podcast - Full Contact Cannabis: https://fullcontactcannabis.podbean.com

#theoldhempfarmer #cannabinoids #cannabisbusiness #tennesseehomegrown #theoldhempfarmerswife #cannabis #cannabisindustry #d8 #cannabis culture #cannabis dispensary

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talon-illustrations · 2 years ago

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“Blind allegiance makes you a pawn. A real leader protects his squad.” I’ve been working on this piece on and off for a while now. Constantly talking with @kaminoan_customs and @mandalorianbusiness trying to build a “live action” accurate adaptation of the character from animation. His armor is a modified republic commando kit with some unique additions. Some changes found through model comparison and available concept art include: - an overall slimmer fit to the base commando gear - a standard clone body glove (undersuit) - simplified gauntlets with added plates - standard clone hand plates - standard clone thigh armor - unique helmet - modified cod piece with “shield” like cup and flipped inset above it. - An amazing helmet @mandalorianbusiness collaborated on directly and the downloadable STL files are available on his Patreon now! The goal with the helmet was to stay true to the likeness depicted in the show, while at the same time, implementing all the “realistic“ Republic commando elements, as well as the other clone/storm trooper like elements on his design. I drew the turnaround based on some sketches I have done since the first season. There were some modifications that needed to be made to make it look right in 3-D space and looking at the reference sheets for Hunter posted on starwars.com we found that there is a roundness to the tubes along the side and back of his helmet and even though it felt like breaking the commando look at first, we implemented it. And it was the last bit that really helped sell the likeness of the helmet. It was surreal seeing the depiction of his helmet I’ve even sketching for so long fully realized In 3D space, and @mandalorianbusiness deserves a thousand thanks for making that happen. And I look forward to more collaborations in the near future. Ps. There’s a couple additions I made myself. I added foot plates and seam lines consistent with the Kenobi show clone depiction, as well as some that I consistently see in many Republic Commando cosplays so that this depiction would feel as believable to wear as possible. I also referenced @fett.clone for hunters face. (at Kamino Planet) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cou_sCvuxpk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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raayllum · 2 years ago

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So Fake Rayla

Otherwise known as “Stella is cute and I don’t trust her within an inch of my life” + other various thoughts about whether or not the initial Rayla reuniting with Callum scene features a real Rayla or a very convincing Rayla illusion.

First up: evidence that the Rayla we see in the first clip is real.

The first is that her updated look is consistent with a clip later in the trailer (both blades, braid and bun, general personality) and that we know Rayla has a tendency towards both 1) adopting strays and 2) having a soft spot for animals. It’s small, but we see her at the funeral they hold for Ibis at the Storm Spire with Stella still on her shoulder

Another point in Rayla being real is that, if she isn’t, they’ll have to very careful as to how they handle the reunion (and I think perhaps by the reunion itself we’ll know the truth or not). They won’t want to waste emotional reactions, particularly if Callum airs a lot of his hurt, as it can feel cheapened (for ex: illusion Viren worked in 3x09 because Soren being willing to kill him permanently changed his and Claudia’s relationship, so it didn’t feel like a cop out. Here, there wouldn’t be something ‘real’ to ground it except Callum processing his anger etc. in ways Rayla herself would never get to see). So again, we’ll have to see how it plays out.

Rayla has also always wanted to come back to Katolis, she just felt she was unable to. I don’t find it hard to believe that upon keeping her word and feeling like she’d completed her mission, she would high tail it back to Katolis and be pretty thrilled to get to come back and hopefully reunite with the boys. The look of love on her face certainly fits, even if both their reactions have clearly been trimmed down and edited, and the first look itself will be much longer (TDP loves its micro-expressions after all). Twitter gave us a glimpse at another one of Rayla’s expressions from this scene, as we know it’ll be emotional no matter what

We also know that the Cube only ever glows for one primal at a time. It doesn’t always glow when Callum picks it up (hence his escapades in early 3x02 seeing all the things that do glow) and it glows brightly when it’s around Rayla’s moon opal in 3x08, or with the fish in 1x05 even though Bait, a Sun prima creature, is also in the boat. So the Star primal glowing rather than the Moon primal doesn’t mean she’s an illusion, the Cube only ever glows for one source at a time, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

So there’s really only two issues in terms of characterization and narrative to consider that makes her returning seemingly so soon in the season (before the mid-way point and of her own accord) feel decidedly off

1) Rayla set out determined to personally kill Viren once and for all. We know that she was adamant that she’d find him alive and have to take him out. Post-TTM, Rayla wasn’t even looking for a body anymore. She thought she’d have to make one. But we know there’s no way that happened, as Claudia has revived Viren and been safe guarding the body all this time. At first I thought perhaps Rayla had found the empty cocoon perhaps once Claudia and co. had exited the cave and that had been enough to convince her, but I realized it probably wouldn’t be. After all, seeing the cocoon being empty would probably horrify her, as she would just assume that whatever Viren was had gotten out and was walking around. And Rayla never gives up on anything, unless she finds a new mission, but considering she thought the world and Callum’s life was at stake, what would make her divert course without trying to handle the problem on her own (like always) to continue protecting the boys?

2) If they do reunite with Rayla coming back of her won accord, then what was the Narrative Point of her leaving? It means she’s learned a thing or two about self worth and has back home, but again: only under the condition of completing her mission, even though she needs to learn it would be 100% okay to come home ‘a failure,’ to come home ‘empty handed.’ The later scene of Callum cradling her sword offers a path forward, as it would mean Rayla being self-sacrificial one last time or being forcefully torn away from her swords. This means her absence would be justified narratively by Callum perhaps reaching an epiphany, or justification, of doing anything to get her back. This would provide the self worth lesson Rayla needs to have (why is her life worth less than Callum’s to her, after all, who’s always wanted to be together or not at all?) and the background for Callum along the lines of “I’ve lost her / lived without her once. I can’t - I won’t go through that again.” We reach the same end point, but with a less isolated middle.

Because narratively with her absence, something has gotta give, and it can’t be wholly positive, and this is still a hurdle their relationship needs to jump. Rayla needs to realize she was horribly wrong to leave, but she can’t do it that by 1) returning on her own and 2) likely only returning because she thinks she successfully completed her mission, which would only reaffirm her unhealthy beliefs more.

Maybe she hasn’t succeeded at her mission, but I think that may require seeing more of her early on and too big a character arc to be crammed into a small episode space to watch Rayla “I failed and am therefore awful” of the Silvergrove realize that failing doesn’t mean she deserves to be rejected or shunned or believe terrible things about herself.

Perhaps Rayla with her small Star primal creature helps Callum learn about the Cube and Mirror. Maybe he still uses it as a distraction to not have to deal with all the big feelings between them. Maybe she only comes back to Katolis later on in the season then we think (say around end of 4x05 rather than end of 4x03).

As long as 1) Rayla can offer a reasonable explanation for why she’s come back and 2) her absence has a strong emotional narrative tie, then her coming back so early makes sense, because it’s providing context for later decisions rather than driving the narrative directly now perhaps the way we thought.

But now onto the more interesting side of things in way (that will also be hysterical in retrospect to look back on if we’re way off base) ...

Evidence that Rayla Isn’t Real

And why I’ll extend that one step further, because remember how I said there’s a shot of Rayla with Stella on her shoulder, and Rayla travelling with the boys into the dark caverns as well? If Rayla isn’t real in the reunion clip, then she’s not real in those shots, either. Which means the boys are travelling with a fake illusion of their friend for the bulk of the season, not realizing that something is undeniably wrong (or at least, not fully), and isn’t that a way to build narrative dread and tension.

This plays into a few things symbolically and counter-actively addresses the prior issues. If Rayla isn’t real, then why she came back doesn’t have to be convincing. If Rayla isn’t real, then her absence is ongoing and therefore has narrative weight and consequences to be attached to it, as well as for her doppelgänger.

Symbolic evidence for his theory is the light and dark symbolism they’re explicitly playing with this season and that have been tied to Callum and Rayla specifically, both in Rayla’s letter to him and even further in the trailer. This is something I’ve commented on before in s1-s3 pre-letter, so if you are interested in reading more check out this meta here.

In Rayla’s letter, she states:

Taking on hard choices and going to dark places is an act of love. It’s a gift. So, please let me give you this gift, Callum. Stay safe, and stay in the light. Don’t follow me, and don’t look for me. I don’t think you’ll find me, anyway.

Then in this season, we know Aaravos will ultimately be the main villain. He’s fraught with this dark and light motif already in his character design, as he is missing a piece of his literal chest star, is a fallen star, and whose name means “between light and dark.”

Then we have Callum, who states: “In Darkness, gaze upon a fallen star,” which is likely the transcription around the mirror he’s translating, as total darkness is necessary to see into Viren’s prison. This could explain why Callum has the black dark magic-y eyes of pouring the serum into his eyes (similar to what Viren did to see the mirror back in early s2) rather than a more grandiose dark magic spell (although that could come later).

So this means that Light is a good thing, right, and Darkness is a bad thing? Well... not quite. We know that Rayla’s absence has affected Callum negatively and left him more likely to pursue Aaravos’ dangers and more susceptible to his manipulations (even just by not having a counter balance and impulse control that Rayla and Callum each provided to each other). We know that Rayla left because she felt like she had no choice but to walk a dark path on her own and if she hasn’t learned that lesson that she was wrong, she’ll simply try it again every time, and that’s 1) something the narrative won’t do and 2) something Callum won’t put up with. And furthermore...

In the cave when Callum wraps his scarf around his staff to douse the light, it seems that it’s because light is dangerous. Large, terrifying creatures in the trailer that use lights to falsely lure prey right into their trap like a real life angler fish. Aaravos’ form looks like butterfly, moth mixture... bugs that die when guided to a flame.

Rayla chose to hide herself away, to Ghost herself even further. To erase every trace of herself that she could in order to not be found, in order to stay hidden to keep her loved ones safe and far away from her. We know the window of her being able to find Viren’s body when neither Claudia nor Terry were there is slim to none. So what changed her mind? What made her choose to not be invisible anymore, to purposefully reveal herself? Even in her Moonshadow form, the cube didn’t glow for her, too consumed by Stella’s primal. Why would an illusion be any different?

Because after all, Moon magic and subsequent illusions are at its strongest at a full moon. We know there can be illusions made that others can see and feel (Lujanne’s fake leg for Ava). We know that Aaravos is getting stronger and that Star primal creatures, like Stella, are incredibly rare, with cuddlemonkeys able to connect to any arcanum as they grow (just like a mini Aaravos, or mini Callum). We know he has familiars like the little bug pal. We know he can influence animals even outside his primal to do his bidding even when he wasn’t out of the mirror at all.

But why a Star primal creature in particular? The thing can’t talk. Callum doesn’t need it to help guide him to anywhere in Xadia. The cube itself already does that, always rolling in the same direction. Why not just have Rayla talk to herself while alone if she needed to (as she has already done in series) and why give her a pet if she’s going to be around people for most of the season anyway?

There’s been foreshadowing for a long while that Callum will connect to the Moon arcanum next. Given that S4 will factor in him reconnecting with Rayla and admitting the truth to himself (aka the small way he deflects about still loving her in 4x01), it stands to reason that Rayla’s symbolic associations will continue to be that of Truth and Light in a positive way. Of seeing through Aaravos’ lies and manipulations.

This would also mean perhaps Callum not trusting Fake!Rayla whereas everyone else does, and they chalk it up to his hurt feelings. But Callum has always known Rayla far better than she ever wanted him to in show, and he knows when something’s not right (“You know this is wrong” “She’s not telling us everything, I can feel it”). It would also explain this fragmentation that only Claudia (literal light and dark hair) that shares in the Fragments key art with her expression literally split in half, now even more notably fragmented than Claudia.

Why have Stella be obsessed with the cube, darting out from Rayla’s shoulder to grab and hang onto it, and keep hanging onto it as Callum and Rayla reconcile? It feels a bit like Pip’s foreshadowing all over again.

We also rarely see non-dark mages wear cloaks, as it is a symbol of dark Callum in his nightmares in 2x08, of Aaravos, and of Claudia’s villain turn in 3x09. Rayla noticeably wears her cloak upon entering, although she doesn’t wear it in any of the other shots she appears in.

The Two Raylas theory also speaks to Rayla’s continual thematic duality of her markings, her blades, her arcanum, her narrative relationship with Life and Death, as well as Lies and Truth. The biggest thing against this theory though would be the possibility of undercutting emotional moments on the way there, as well as a massive emotional fallout to possibly address, but regardless, I think it’s a really interesting idea if nothing else.

Conclusion

So what do you think of the Fake Rayla theory? Do you buy into it, is it just a fun fanon idea, and how long will we have to wait to get a definitive answer? Let me know down below and feel free to offer up your own thoughts one way or another!

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leossmoonn · 4 years ago

Text

Second Chance

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff, lil angst

note / request - “hi! can we get a carl x reader during like season 10. they were together in the past and they broke up, but hang out everyday. but carl still likes her so he tries getting her back.” this is so trash lmao, but enjoy!

summary - you and carl dated a while back, but now are just friends. he spends the day with you, hoping to win you back

warnings - language, underage drinking, suggestive content but no real smut

————

*gif isnt mine*

“Hey, C-Bear!” You called out.

“‘Sup, Y/n/n!” Carl smiled at you. You ran up the stairs of his porch and gave him a tight hug.

“How was Florida?” Carl asked once you pulled back.

“Hot as shit, but fun. How was Chicago?” You asked a giggle.

“Same old,” he shrugged.

You looked at your best friend and smiled. “So, what’re we gonna do today? It is the last day of summer.”

“I was thinking of just hanging out here. It’s too hot to do anything,” Carl shrugged.

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

You two walked into Carl’s house. You saw Franny on the couch with Debbie.

“Hey, Debs. Hi, Fran-Fran!” You squealed and went over to Franny.

“Y/n!” Franny exclaimed.

“How have you been, squirt?” You asked the little girl, picking her up in your arms.

“Good,” she smiled widely. “Good,” you smiled.

Carl looked at you while talking to Franny, absolutely mesmerized.

You and Carl had dated the previous summer. You two had a good run. You lasted for 6 months before Carl had met a girl named Anne at his job. You noticed him slipping away slowly everyday. It broke your heart and you knew that you had to end it. Carl obviously didn’t realize he was falling in love with someone else, so you sat him down and told him you were breaking up with him. It hurt like a bitch for you, but you knew it was for the best so you wouldn’t end up getting more hurt in the end. You handled it maturely, telling him that you two could still be friends no matter what. You two were friends way before you dated, anyways.

Carl handled it differently, though. He was angry at you for accusing him for falling in love with another girl. He cursed at you, stormed out of your car, and didn’t talk to you for 2 weeks. You missed him, but you were kind of thankful he left you alone.

In those 2 weeks, you were able to rediscover your self worth. You managed to convince yourself that Carl was just like every other guy at your age; stupid. You knew you were hot shit and if he didn’t want you, then that was his loss.

Even though you said this to yourself everyday, the hurt feelings didn’t stop. It took you a good 2 months to stop thinking about Carl and Anne together, him possibly cheating on you while he was on the job. You finally got over all the anxious thoughts and were happier now. You’d never admit it, but you were still in love with Carl, and you knew that he was the one, but the one that got away.

Those 2 weeks for Carl were absolute hell. He missed you so much and started to pull away from Anne. Pulling away from Anne made him realize that you were right. That he was slowly falling in love with another woman, but he also realized that he loved you more. He took those 2 weeks to straighten himself up. He did pep-talks with himself, had his brothers help him out in what to do. They gave him hell for letting you go. Even they knew you were the one for him and reminded him of it everyday.

Carl called you up after those two weeks and you agreed to try and be friends. It was hard for the first month, for both of you. You two were quiet and awkward when you hung out. You wouldn’t even hug him goodbye when you left his house, much less a high-five. But, it gradually got easier. You two saw each other more and fell into a comfortable rhythm, which consisted of you ignoring your feelings of love for him, and Carl acknowledging his feelings for you, always thinking of ways to get you back, but none of them working out.

Now it was a year later and you two were back to being best friends like you were before you started dating. You had pushed the feelings you had for Carl away so much, it was barely there anymore. It was the opposite for Carl, he was still so deeply in love with you. So now that it was the last day of summer, he had planned to spend the whole day with you, try and woo you and get you back.

“Are you hungry?” Carl asked, grabbing back your attention.

You nodded. “Starving.”

“I think we have some cookies we can bake, right Debs?” Carl asked his sister.

“I think so. We also have decorating icing, too,” Debbie said.

“Great! What kind of cookies do you guys have?” You asked, going over to the kitchen. “Just chocolate chip, I think. Maybe sugar cookies?” Debbie said.

You hummed and looked in their fridge and found two rolls of chocolate chip and sugar cookies.

“Found ‘em!” You exclaimed excitedly.

Carl went into the kitchen with you, smiling at the happy expression you had on your face.

“Help me put them on a tray?” You asked.

Carl nodded and went next to you. He took the sugar cookie roll and broke it into pieces. Debbie walked over to the kitchen, taking a seat, wanting to catch up with you.

“So, why did you guys do in Florida?” Debbie asked.

“Went swimming, went to Universal Studios. We went to a lot of nice restaurants. I met a few cute guys there, too,” you smiled.

“Ooh, really?” Debbie smirked. “Any that stuck?”

“This one kid named Josh. We played volleyball on the beach for a while. He told me he liked my swim suit,” you smirked.

“Did you two hook up,” Debbie asked.

Carl tensed at her words. He hoped you would say no. You weren’t like someone to jump into things like that so fast. Sure, you had a few boyfriends before Carl, but he knew that you took time in getting to know him. Plus, your first time was with him.

“Nah. I’m pretty sure he had a girlfriend. There was a girl on the beach that kept glaring at me and hanging onto his arm. I even saw them kiss a few times,” you snorted.

“Wow, he sounds like an ass,” Debbie said.

“Yep. That’s why I rejected his kind offer to fuck,” you laughed.

“Atta girl,” Debbie gave you a high-five.

“Yeah, I didn’t really feel like becoming the talk of the town or whoever those people lived,” you chuckled.

"It’s good you said no,” Carl chimed in.

“Oh, yeah, why? Besides the obvious,” you raised a brow.

“Because it’s not you to hook up randomly,” Carl said.

“Are you implying I’m a prude,” you chuckled.

“No, no. I just... you waited until we dated to fuck, I-”

“Yeah, yeah,” you cut Carl off. You moved to put the cookies in the oven. Carl couldn't see it, but you were very flustered.

Him mentioning your romantic past brought up memories. These memories were the ones you didn’t mind remembering. They just made your legs weak heart swell.

Carl was right, you did wait until you two were dating to have sex. You wanted it to be special and even though you two were just friends at the time, before you two were dating, you knew that sex with him would be special. And to your delight, it was. He was gentle, sweet, loving. He payed attention to you the whole time. It was one of the things you knew would live in your memory forever.

“You waited?” Debbie asked. “Yeah,” you stood back up and shrugged.

“Wow, I wish I had your self control,” Debbie snorted.

“It wasn't about self control. It was just knowing who was right for me,” you said. Your gaze fell on Carl as you said those words.

He had a small on his face, to which you returned. Your heart fluttered at the sight, which made you avert your gaze immediately. Even though you didn’t mind the memories, you did mind the feelings they and him brought. As much as you hated to admit it, a part of you was still attracted to him.

That part of you was the one you constantly had to push away. You had to remind yourself what he did. How he fell in love with another girl. How he let go someone good, kind, so loving and supportive. You knew if you let that other part of you invade your mind and feelings, you would be in his bed making out with him and possibly getting hurt, which was something you didn’t want.

“How long do these have to bake?” Carl asked.

“Like 15-20 minutes,” you said. He nodded and put his tray in the oven.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Carl asked.

“Sure,” you nodded.

“I’m gonna go and meet Claudia. Watch Franny for me?” Debbie asked.

“I’d love to!” You smiled. You loved Franny. She was such an easy and good kid to watch. She took care of herself, too, so all you had to do was make her food whenever she was hungry.

“Great, thank you. I’ll see you guys later!” Debbie smiled and left the house.

“Franny, do you wanna watch a movie with us?” You asked the little girl.

“Yeah!” She smiled.

“Great! What movie do you want to watch?” You asked.

Carl smiled at you as you talked to Franny. Seeing you play with Franny was one of the things that made him fall in love with you. Seeing a girl good with kids was attractive as hell.

“She wants to watch Sleeping Beauty,” you said and walked over with Franny to the couch.

“Alright. I’ll put in the DVD,” Carl said.

“Thanks,” you smiled.

He smiled back at you and nodded. You sat on the couch, Franny sitting next to you. Carl walked back to the couch and groaned internally. He was planning on sitting next to you so you could lay your head on his shoulders whenever you go tired, which was something you did during every movie you two watched together. But now you couldn’t do that because Franny was sitting in the middle.

“What’s wrong, C-Dog?” You noticed his annoyance.

“Nothing. I’ve just watched this movie a billion times,” he sighed.

“That's what you get for having a little child in the house,” you chuckled and turned your attention over to the movie.

About 20 minutes in the movie, the oven beeped, singling that the cookies were done.

“Franny, do you want to decorate cookies or watch the movie?” You asked while getting up.

“I wanna watch the movie,” she said.

“Alright, kid. Don’t cause any trouble in here. Aunt Y/n and Uncle Carl will be in the kitchen,” you said and patted her head.

She giggled and you left to go to the kitchen with Carl.

“You’re really good with her,” Carl complimented you.

“Thank you. I have two little brothers, so I’ve learned a thing or two about kids. You just gotta treat them like adults, but also make sure they know they’re boundaries. Franny is such a good kid, though, she doesn’t need a lot of boundaries or rules,” you explained.

Carl nodded. “Oh, yeah. How are Lucas and Lyle?”

“Trouble,” you chuckled. Carl laughed with you. “I bet not as much trouble as I was when I was little.”

“Hm, true,” you giggled, recalling memories of when you two were in elementary school.

“You’ve shaped up good, though. Military school helped with that,” you complimented.

“Thank you. You’ve always been good. Even when we broke up,” Carl remarked.

You met his eyes. A frown was plastered on your lips. “Thank you. I try not to be sour and shit. I know it gets me nowhere.”

“Yeah, I learned that the hard way,” Carl sighed, referring two his 2-week temper tantrum.

You gave him a kind smile. “It’s alright. I’m glad we stayed friends, though.”

Yeah, friends, Carl thought in dismay.

He put on a fake smile though. “Me, too.”

You went over to the cupboard and got out some decorative icing that you found. You put them on the kitchen counter and picked up a sugar cookie.

“What’re you gonna put on yours?” You asked.

“A penis,” Carl said.

You rolled your eyes, but laughed. “I take back what I said about you shaping up.”

Carl laughed with you, “Hey! Not fair. You asked me and I responded honestly.”

“True,” you giggled. You squirted some icing on Carl’s face, irrupting into a fit of laughter when it got all over the left side of his face.

“And I take back what I said about you always being mature!” Carl exclaimed, squirting some icing on you. It landed on your collar bone. Carl eyed the bare skin, licking his lips, wishing he could lick it up.

You noticed his stare. Your heart couldn’t help but race. You felt yourself start to get sweaty under your armpits. You averted your gaze and got a towel to wipe the icing off. Carl grabbed the towel out of your hands.

“Here, let me,” Carl offered. “I was the one to make the mess.” You rolled his eyes. You knew this was one of his ways of trying to flatter you and kiss you. You let him, though. You would never admit it to anyone, but you liked when he did these things. Not so much because he was still pining over you, but it reminded you of how much of a caring boyfriend he was.

You leaned against the counter while Carl wetted the towel. He gently wiped the icing of your collar bone. Your heart skipped a beat as his fingertips brushed lightly over your skin. His face was abnormally close to yours, too. He was crouched down and looked up to you every so often. It made your stomach flip. It reminded you of when he ate you out, looking up at you with his lips glistening. You averted your gaze, feeling warmth spread between your legs.

Carl was taking an annoyingly long time. You sighed heavy, hoping he would be done soon because if not, you would just end up kissing him. To your releif, he backed away from you, throwing the towel in the sink. He got another towel to wipe his face off.

Even though you looked relieved on the outside, your heart was begging for him to comeback and be close to again, to tease you.

“Did you like that?” Carl asked, smirking at you.

“No, you were very slow,” you lied. Carl frowned at you and looked away. You felt bad, but you didn’t say anything.

“Let’s finish the cookies so Franny can eat some,” you said.

Carl nodded. You two decorate the cookies in silence. You put them on plates, bringing them into the living room.

“Here, Franny,” you said and put one of the plates on the table. You sat back down, Carl following slowly after you.

You took a few cookies, giving Franny two and keeping two for yourself.

“Thank you,” Franny said.

You gave her a sweet smile. “You are very welcome.”

Carl took a couple cookies and slumped back on the couch. The tension between you two was thick. It hadn't been like this for a while, but you knew to just let it subside until you felt ready to talk again. Luckily, the movie was still going, so you had an excuse to not converse. By the end of the movie, Franny had fallen asleep. Her head was on your lap and the rest of her body was on Carl’s. When the movie was done, Carl helped you carry Franny back up to Debbie’s room. You two tucked her in and went back downstairs.

You went back into the kitchen, grabbing two beer bottles for Carl and you.

“Thanks,” Carl said when you handed him a bottle.

You hummed in reply and sat back down on the couch. You turned on the TV, switching to re-runs. Carl sat next to you, leaving lots of space in-between you two.

“How is everyone else doing?” You asked.

“Good. Lip and Tami have Freddy and Ian has Mickey,” Carl said.

“Wow, everyone is shacked up, huh?” You asked.

“Yeah, even Debbie. She gets mad money, too,” Carl chuckled.

“It’s weird the way the world works,” you remarked, half paying attention to Golden Girls. “Have you met any girls this summer?” You asked, your stomach flipping thinking about his answer.

“A few, but I’m not really interesting in dating,” Carl shrugged.

You turned to him, fully surprised. “Carl Gallagher, not interested in dating? I think the world is ending.”

Carl chuckled, “I’m just not interesting in dating the girls I met.” Carl scooted closer to you while saying those words, putting a hand on your thigh.

Your heart pounded against your ribcage. Carl was getting closer and closer to you. You didn’t move, though. You liked his touch and being in his vicinity.

“Who are you interested in dating?” You whispered.

Carl’s eyes burned into yours. They drifted down to your lips and back up to your eyes. Your body shivered and butterflies shot down your whole body. You found yourself moving closer to him, putting your hand over his.

“You,” Carl spoke.

You looked into his eyes deeply. You could tell he meant what he said. The look on his face was almost enough for you to kiss him, but you pulled away. His hand slipped off your thigh. You stood up off the couch, putting on your shoes.

“I should go. It’s late and my parents are probably wondering where I am,” you said, avoiding eye contact.

“No, stay. Your parents know where you are and probably aren’t worried. You always stay over,” Carl protested.

“I’m tired, anyways. Plus, Lucas and Lyle probably miss me,” you made up more excuses and went to the front door.

Carl ran to you and put his hand on your arm.

“Stay, Y/n. I’m not letting you go this time,” Carl said.

You turned to him, tears in your eyes. “I don’t love you anymore, Carl, not like that.”

“I know you’re lying. I’m not as dumb as people think, okay? I see it in your eyes. I notice you breathing heavily when I come close to you. I know you still love me. I still love you. I’m still in love with you,” he confessed.

“Listen, Carl,” you sighed. “I know you want to make it up to me, I appreciate it, but I’m not letting myself get hurt again.”

“I know I hurt you, Y/n. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m stupid as shit. It hurts me every fucking time I see you. It hurt me so much to see you cry because of me. I do want to make it up to you, but I also want you back. I need you, Y/n. Please, give me a chance. I need you so fucking bad,” Carl pleaded. His voice broke and tears shined in his eyes.

You shook your head. “I said I don’t love you anymore! Let me go!” You shouted. You wanted so desperately to get out of the house because you knew if you stayed, you would end up kissing him.

“No,” Carl said. With that, he pulled you into his arms and crashed his lips on yours.

With Carl’s arms wrapped around you, holding you tight, and his soft lips on yours, you could’t help but finally give in. You melted into the kiss, putting your hands on the nape of his neck, playing with his hair. Carl slammed you against the wall, his fingertips digging into your sides. The kiss was fast, rough, passionate.

You were so glad that you gave in. You missed this feeling more than you would ever admit.

Carl pulled away, putting his hand on your cheek. His thumb ran across your bottom lip. His eyes stared into yours.

“Give me another chance. I promise I won’t hurt you again,” Carl promised.

You sighed and nodded. You knew he had good intentions, and that he was the one for you. “You better not. Or I will beat you up.”

Carl smiled, pulling you into another deep kiss.

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2K notes · View notes

tsukidrama · 3 years ago

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The Road Not Taken

{I Doubted If I Should Ever Come Back}

ᴀɴɴɪᴇ ʟᴇᴏɴʜᴀʀᴅᴛ x ғᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ / ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟɪᴀɴᴛ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢѕ: extreme angst, discussions of PTSD, and themes of abandonment

Chapter 6 - I Will Not Let Go

Summary: Visitors bring more than just their company after the winter comes. Annie is afraid of her life changing, and you're afraid of Annie changing.

cottagecanon | ao3 | wattpad | ♫

← Chapter 5 | Chapter 7 →

Word Count: 9.9k OH YMG GOD

Author's Note: i hate this chapter so much literally just get it away from me!! i'm never going to be satisfied with the way it turns out. i didn't mean for it to get so long or sad but i really tapped into something sad and personal back to the days when i lived long-distance from my now-wife. 1) sorry guys and 2) i recommend taking a break between scenes if you need to lmao, i sure had to

In the third winter after the curse of the Titans was lifted, Annie cuts her hair for the first time. Well, she ropes you into cutting it for her, actually. It seems like the haircut gives her a genuine boost of confidence — maybe it's just the excitement of something new, or the change in the weather, but she seems happier. Lighter, somehow.

When you were in the Training Corps, you couldn’t get Annie to muck out a stall for your life. There were quite a few times where you’d been stuck assigned with her on that job, and she sure as hell didn’t make it easy on you. So you’re quite surprised to find her regularly ankle-deep in horse shit, shoveling it away while happily whistling like it’s any other task.

Finally, it seems like she’s getting better. One night early in the new year, all three of you are gathered around the fireplace in Papa’s en suite, and you realize it’s been several weeks since Annie has woken up screaming. The nightmares didn’t stop, but it’s a noticeable change.

Months pass, but something in you is still terrified every time she makes a sudden movement in her sleep. She hasn’t attacked you or been violent since the night she broke your nose, and she hasn’t even been aggressive lately. A readjustment, throwing her arm over her head, all normal things wake you up instantly with your heart racing.

You don’t want to be afraid of her. It’s never been her that you were afraid of, not at all... But you can’t shake the way it feels when you think about that night. It’s not her fault, but you can’t stop replaying the image of her writhing on the ground screaming. The injury has long since healed, but your bones remember the pain. Your heart remembers the pain.

But Annie? She's fine, so you're fine.

Bottom line is, for the first time in her life, she’s consistently what you’d consider happy.

One morning, you wake up to an empty bed beside you. The first instinct you have is to panic, and you throw on the first shirt you can find. The buttons are crooked and you’re not wearing pants, so when you see her sitting at the kitchen table with her dad and laughing, you freeze in place on the stairway.

You don’t want to bother them since she’s clearly fine, but you also don’t want to barge in on their conversation half-naked and semi-crazed when she’s clearly fine. So, you hang around awkwardly on the steps for about a minute before you slink back up the steps quietly. You take the time to actually get ready before you go downstairs.

When the rainy season comes, a cold front hits. You’ve come to learn that winter in this country didn’t mean ice and snow. If you were lucky, you had a solid month of consistently cool weather, surrounded by rain season and a lot of unpredictable storms.

During that one cold month, it’s still green, just more withered and… sludgy, really. But you had a sturdy pair of boots and some really ugly but practical waders (essentially rubber overalls, for the uneducated). You could handle a little mud.

Annie, not so much. The mornings where you wake up to a yard full of water, you trudge out into the mud while Annie stays plopped in a chair on the porch, usually still in her pajamas with a blanket and an old flannel three sizes too big draped across her shoulders. She always takes a cup of coffee with her for warmth more than anything.

Throughout your morning chores, she gives you a wave from her spot cozy on the deck. So much does it warm your heart to see her greeting you from across the yard, with her messy blonde head a blur in the distance above the checkered red and grey flannel, that you don't mind doing all the work.

A carrier bird interrupts your usual routine on one of those wet rainy days. It swoops down onto the back porch, on the table just a few feet away from Annie. As soon as you notice it you begin the trudge back up to the house.

The bird is stretching its feathers, preening whenever you get there. Annie is fiddling with the envelope. When it doesn’t immediately open, she rips it apart viciously. Honestly, you’re surprised the letter inside didn’t tear.

After she reads silently, she wordlessly tosses it on the table to you. She looks pissed.

Quickly, you pick it up and skim the contents. Pieck’s loopy handwriting fills the page, going on and on about obligations and reminders. Several recollections of stories and what you think are inside jokes and a request that she can come to visit sometime in the next week.

“Well that could be nice,” you offer, trying to be optimistic. “It has been a while since we’ve had anybody over here.”

She snorts. “I’ve known Pieck for all of my life. When she says she wants to visit, what she means is that she needs to talk to me about something serious.”

You reread the letter, specifically the last paragraph.

It reads: ‘Myself and some of the boys have been wondering about you lately, hoping that you’re doing well. If you have time in the next week or two, it would make me happy to visit you and Y/N for a change. I know you hate the town so let me spare your horse a trip – tell me when would be best for you. Hug and kisses, Pieck.’

You glance up from the page back at Annie. “... is that really what you got from this? She’s being nice.”

“She’s being indirect,” Annie shakes her head, "She’s bringing bad news with her, I can feel it. We should tell her not to come so that she has to stop being a pussy and actually talk to me."

You preemptively wince as you point out the obvious. "That's what she's trying to do, love."

She snatches the letter from your hands, then groans and stomps off.

"Fuck that," she mutters. With that, she goes into the house and slams the door behind her.

So, you end up being the one who writes the reply. You go into the kitchen and grab a treat for the carrier bird, then tie a brief response to his leg in which you tell Pieck you’re free this coming Sunday and you’d both love to see her. You tell her to bring anyone else who wants to visit.

The day of, Papa happened to be going to town anyway, for both a visit with Dr. Phuong and for whatever shopping he felt up to. It works out pretty well as he wasn’t nearly as fond of the idea of guests the way you were. Well, like father, like daughter.

Annie has been in a bit of a mood all morning, but she begrudgingly goes about her morning in the kitchen as usual. She packs her dad a lunch before he goes on his way, and stays in there to make snacks for your visitors. A vegetable tray (garden-fresh), some sandwiches she cuts up into bite-sized pieces.

You’d gotten into the habit of caring for the animals in the morning, so you’d wordlessly taken up the chore this morning as an apology for letting people come over. She’s always been paranoid. Not everything that happens is an invitation for bad omens…

You sit on the front porch, sitting on the floor as Rosemary sits up on a rocking chair. As always she stands proudly upon her throne, gazing out into the yard dutifully. It’s not very cold at all anymore, cloudy, with a low-to-the-ground mist that feels just as ominous as whatever is coming.

Annie wanted to stay inside, and you leave her be for now. She tends to get nervous when there are visitors for any occasion. Yet today, you feel it in the air just as she does. Even Rosemary seems tense with the way she sharply watches her surroundings. You give her some scritches behind the ears and until she begins to purr.

You can see the headlights of an automobile while it’s still a distance away. Its machinery clunks and grinds as it rumbles over the uneven terrain. The rumbling of Rosemary’s purrs fade to be replaced by that of the car and predictably hisses at the unfamiliar machinery before she pounces over the railing and runs back to the comfort of the garden.

It’s loud, and every so often it releases a noxious cloud of black smoke behind it. In all honesty, you hate it. Amongst the greenery, it leaves wisps of oil and ash in a cloud of thick smog that mixes with the water vapor. Yet when the car gets close enough for you to see the grinning face of the driver, you can’t help but burst out laughing.

Connie sits behind the wheel, with Jean hovering anxiously nearby in the seat beside him. Both of them look absolutely thrilled with themselves and their high-tech rover and you know that you’ll be keeping your mouth shut.

You meet them in the driveway right as the car rolls to a stop. Jean hops out of the passenger door and extends his arms in greeting.

“Y/N, babe! You look good,” he exclaims, and wraps his arms around your shoulders. You hug him back, and resist the overwhelming urge to fuck up his hair. Ever since he’d started wearing it in that slicked-back style he’d been more obsessed with it than ever. He pats your back. “The farm life suits you, seriously.”

“Yeah?” you ask, laughing. You’re wearing a plain checked smock, a solid-colored skirt cropped at the knees, and your huge mud-caked rubber work boots. It’s basically the least sexy outfit you could’ve possibly assembled, but you take the compliment.

“For real,” he assures you, “you’ve been getting sun. I can tell that you’re happy out here.”

A voice from the other side of the car cuts him off.

“–Y/N! Get over here, I haven’t seen you in forever!” Connie calls, popping up from the driver's seat. You run around the hood to greet him.

He practically snatches you up by the waist and spins you around (and you scream). Jean opens the back passenger side door and helps a third person, previously unseen, out of the seat.

“Put me down!” you shriek, laughing. When he does, Connie gives you a big bear hug. You hug him back, despite feeling a bit crushed.

You look back over at Jean and see Pieck beaming at you from next to him. You notice how tired she looks, with bags beneath her eyes. Yet she still gives you a bright smile and beckons you over.

Her hug is less enthusiastic than either Connie or Jean’s but it feels warmer, although you haven’t known her nearly as long as you knew the boys.

The wind ruffles through her hair. “How are you?” she asks. Her hand wraps around her upper arm as she pulls out of your embrace.

“Tired,” you confess, “there’s always something to do around here. I wanted to be ready for visitors.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to clean for us!” Connie says. “Our house literally looks like shit. That’s why we came over here and not the other way around. Well that, and–”

Jean bumps him with his shoulder, hard. “Don’t tell her that, or else she might not come to visit us.” He says nervously, and intercepts a pointed look from Pieck.

“Of course I’d still visit you!” you giggle, “It’s probably not that bad.”

Connie opens his mouth, but Jean cuts him off again before he can speak. “Do NOT tell her how bad it is.”

Pieck laughs and gestures you closer. “Yeah, you really don’t want to know. Men are funny like that. They’ll live in piles of beer cans and garbage but you can bet that stupid car is spotless.”

“I don’t think the car is stupid!” “The car is not stupid, Pieck,” they both say at the same time. Pieck rolls her eyes, the corner of her mouth twitching up into a smile. All three of them look at each other, and then Connie and Jean turn to look at you expectantly for your opinion.

You shuffle your feet a little awkwardly. “I think it’s a cool car,” you lie. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen one with the bits on the wheels painted like that.”

Connie can hardly contain his excitement, and beams as he talks. “They’re called ‘rims.’ That’s why I picked it out. There was another one I really liked that was white, but Jean said we’d have to wash it all the time.”

“There’s mud everywhere here. Do you want to wash it every other day?”

Connie ignores him. “I don’t mind. I’ve never had a car before. I’m trying to take care of her.”

Jeans rolls his eyes. “Are you still calling it ‘her?’ We’ve talked about this so many times. It’s not the same thing, I don’t think you can talk about a car like it’s a living thing.”

“People do it with boats! Literally all of the boats in the marina have names.” Connie shoots back.

“Is a car a boat? You don’t even hear how stupid you sound right now.”

You share a quick look with Pieck, who shakes her head. She crosses her arms, and you can just tell how many times she’s heard this argument.

“Where’s Annie?” she asks suddenly. It comes out of the blue, and she seems to realize it.

It’s quiet for a moment but quickly, she follows it up with: “I just expected her to be out here with you. Is she in the house?”

You nod. “Yeah. She’s either in the kitchen or in the study. Do you want me to call her out here?”

“Oh no, you should catch up with the boys out here. I’m sick and tired of hearing about the car, and how much they want to pet Do you mind if I go in and find her myself? I’ve got a few things to talk to her about.”

“Sure,” you reply, although you’re a little nervous now, “the door is unlocked.”

Everything Annie said about her bringing bad news feels a little more ominous after that comment, but you don’t have too much time to think about it. You’ve missed your friends more than you realized. You don’t dwell on it.

Indistinctly, you hear Jean still going on. “So then logically, you get why it’s stupid to name a boat, too, then? You can name horses and donkeys but you can’t name a machine.”

“You said that, not me.”

“You have a horse, Y/N?” Jean asks.

As you watch Pieck make her way up the path and the front steps, you nod in response. Only when you see the door has closed do you turn around again. “Oh yeah, we’ve got a horse.”

“Y/N,” Connie interrupts. “Show us your cows. I want to see the cows.”

Jean chimes in. “I heard that there are goats, too. I want to see those.”

“No, I want to see the cows!”

“Shut up, she can show us both. Reiner told me that they have chickens, too. Can we see the chickens, Y/N? Nobody has animals in the town.”

“Yeah, I’ll show you all of the animals. Don’t worry about it.”

The indistinct chatter between them becomes white noise as you lead them behind Papa’s attachment and over to the cow enclosure. As soon as a small group of brown and black-and-white-spotted cattle comes into view, their excitement is overwhelming.

“Oh, hell yes!” Connie breaks into a sprint and shouts with joy. Jean is quick to follow, and the both of them pass you up as the latter man shouts: “Wait up!”

One of them dives through the slats in the feces while the other one clears it altogether. One of the cows gets spooked at their shouts of laughter and trots away, but most of them stay put.

Connie goes right in and wraps his arms around the cow’s neck. He laughs as he hugs it, as opposed to Jean who carefully approaches the fattest, most gentle cow by letting her sniff his hand first.

After he finally gets the cow cuddles out of his system, you see Connie making a beeline for the chicken coop. You leave Jean where he is, as he seems pretty happy where he is petting the same cow he started with.

“You’ve no idea how much I missed being around livestock. It’s a dream out here,” he remarks to you. You hand him the feed bucket for the chickens, which he excitedly takes from you as you hold open the door.

After he scatters a few handfuls, Jean comes to join you as well. He’s considerably less excited about it than his best friend, and he stays close to you away from the swarming mob of chickens pecking at the food on the ground.

“So what is it really that brings all of you out here?” you ask them, and ignore the knots in your stomach, “because Pieck and Annie are still in the house, and I’m starting to get nervous. Why aren’t they coming back?”

Connie and Jean exchange a nervous look, which you notice and narrow your eyes at. “Well? Now you’ve got to tell me. You can't act suspicious and then not fess up. Spill.”

Both boys break eye contact, but just look nervously in new directions. You catch the corner of Connie’s eye, and shooting a piercing glare at him is enough to get him squirming.

“Connie,” you repeat, “spill.”

“It was Pieck’s idea. I thought that maybe we could have a dinner or something to break the news, but she said Annie would get mad no matter how we tell her. Still, a surprise attack doesn’t seem like a good way to handle–”

“A surprise attack?!” you repeat. You look at Jean. “Explain, now.”

He jumps like he's been caught, looking over at the cows, and nervously tries to change the subject. “Can we go and pet the–”

“Explain. Now!”

Both of them speak at once, and although you understand them perfectly, it takes a few seconds for the meaning to sink in.

“We’re going back to Paradis in the spring. Everyone who was there at Heaven and Earth is going to meet with Historia and the rest of the world leaders.”

“Armin set up a truce with the leaders on Paradis, we’re all going to try and make more peace arrangements. I think we’re trying to get something down in writing.”

When they see your reaction, both boys fall silent. After several long seconds, Connie scatters another handful of chicken feed on the ground.

“I told Pieck we should have had a dinner,” he mutters, “A dinner would have gone over so much better. We could’ve served cake and–”

“–cake wouldn’t change shit.” you interrupt. Before you know what you’re doing, your feet are moving.

You push past the chicken coop door. You walk in the direction of the house, breaking into a sprint without even thinking about it.

You don't look back, but you can hear both of them scrambling to follow. “Shut the door, Connie!” you hear Jean chastise in the distance, “Don’t let out the chickens, dumbass.”

The boys only catch up with you when you’re at the gate. The damn latch won’t open, has it always been this hard to undo? Tears blur your vision — when did you start crying? If they hadn’t closed the chicken coop behind them, you would’ve gone homicidal. The lock won’t give, so in frustration you kick the gate.

“Fuck!” you scream, balling up your fists. You kick it again, and again.

Somebody puts a hand on your shoulder to comfort you, but you throw it off. One final kick to the gate, and you whirl around.

“So Pieck went in by herself to tell Annie, then?” you accuse.

Jean shifts his weight around uncomfortably. “Yeah.”

“I have to go in there,” you insist. You push past them and wedge your foot on a notch in the wood, then try your damnedest to swing your other leg over the side of the fence.

Even in a skirt and boots, it probably would have worked if Connie hadn’t grabbed you by the shoulders to pull you back. You kick your legs ineffectually, and eventually you slump in defeat. Connie sits down on the grass next to you.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you. “We didn’t mean to upset you.”

You ignore him.

“Are you okay?” Jean asks.

“Do I fucking look okay?” you retort. Jean flinches, and you start to full-on cry. “It’s just… things were finally perfect. I really like what we have here.”

Connie pats your back. “Well, it’s not like you can’t keep this place. It’ll still be here, and besides the trip is only going to be a couple of months.”

“I don’t want to go back to Paradis,” you spit out, crying bitterly.

Jean sighs. “I told you that's what she'd say. She didn't come on the last trip, either.”

“So what? That one wasn't as important. Do we really have a choice this time?” Connie asks. “It’s our responsibility to fix what happened to the world. Eren was our friend.”

You scoff. “That’s bullshit. I did my work to fix my problems. I’ve paid all of my dues and built a life for myself, here. I like this country. Those aren’t my mistakes, and they really aren’t yours either.”

They’re both silent.

“This is my home now. I don’t have anything left on Paradis. No family, just horrible memories. It's just a reminder about everything bad that's happened to me. I’m not going and you can’t make me. Besides, I don't care what happens over there anymore.”

Jean crosses his arms. "You'll care whenever Paradis military forces try and bomb your little cottage here."

"Dude, you're not helping…" Connie says, elbowing.

"I'm just saying," he protests, "We're trying to reach peace with them for a reason."

You roll your eyes. "If we get bombed then I guess I'll die and you'll be right. Happy?"

Jean shakes his head and looks away. He pouts. "Nobody, anywhere, is 'happy' right now, " he says.

You rip up handfuls of grass and sprinkle them on yours and Connie’s legs. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air until somebody can figure out what to say.

Eventually, Jean sits down, too. He takes a deep breath.

“So does that mean we aren’t going to see the go–?”

“–I’m not taking you to look at the fucking goats.”

The three of you fall into silence one again. You rip up another handful of grass.

“I’m sorry,” Connie repeats, and shoots his friend a dirty look. “You’re right, we can’t make you come with us.”

“Connie,” Jean protests, “Armin said that we needed everyone who was there–”

“Who cares, though?” he interrupts. “You heard her. We're not going to change her mind. Are you gonna be the one to force her to come? Will you, what, knock her out and carry her onto the ship? That’s insane. I'm not going to let anyone do that, and besides, Annie…"

He nods. “Yeah, she’d kill everyone involved.”

You pull apart a particularly long blade of grass by splitting it down the middle and methodically dismantling it. "Well, good luck getting Annie to agree to come. She’s happy here, too."

Jean sighs and crosses his arms. He looks like he wants to argue, but between Connie’s exasperation and your death glare, he just shakes his head.

A few seconds later, Jean says it anyway. “We need her,” he insists. “I’m sorry Y/N, but we can’t go without Annie. She’s too important both as an ex-Warrior and as an ex-titan shifter.”

Tears slide down your cheeks. “No, you don’t need her. You could go without her. You could let her stay with me.”

Connie mirrors you, and drops a freshly-ripped handful of grass in your lap. You're too sad to laugh, but you exhale hard from your nostrils and give a weak smile of gratitude. You start to rip them up.

Connie is the one to continue. “I know it’s hard, but we need all of the shifters. We have to show the world that the old Titans are trying to reach peace. Annie is vital to that, we all know it.”

You pull apart the blades of grass in your lap the same methodical way you did before. "She’s not going to be happy about it. She won’t want to go, either," you mumble.

Connie nods. This time he drops his handful of grass on top of your head. Tiny green bits get caught in your hair while larger chunks fall into your lap. You promptly rip them in half, too.

"Well… that’s why Pieck is the one in there.”

You snort at the thought of them planning how to approach Annie. There’s a mental image of all of your friends sitting around a table, legit strategizing about it. Not that you’d blame them in this situation.

"She's gonna be so mad…” you tell them.

As if to emphasize the point, the screen door of the kitchen slams, hard enough to rattle the frame. It’s loud, and all three of you turn in the direction of the sound.

Pieck quickly and nervously makes her way down the ramp, her eyes so wide that you can see the whites from across the yard. The noticeable lack of Annie following her out speaks more loudly than anything she could have said.

You jump up to your feet and jiggle the lock on the gate with all of your might until it finally gives. You run around the garden before coming to a stop in front of the dark-haired girl.

Pieck still doesn’t say anything, just shakes her head as she descends the ramp. When she stops in front of you, clasping her hands, she doesn’t say anything. There's a telling expression on her face that makes an explanation unnecessary.

The boys catch up with you a few seconds later, one behind the other. Jean sighs when he sees the look on her face.

“We should leave, huh?” Connie asks grimly.

“Sooner rather than later,” she nods. Pieck looks over her shoulder, flinching. You half-expect Annie to start throwing things out of the house in anger.

You cross your arms. “Well… don’t take it personally.”

Pieck is understanding. “I know, it’s Annie. She’s always been like this.” She wipes a tear off of your cheek and gives you a quick hug. “Just… try not to worry so much. She'll only be gone for a couple of months. You’ve been through worse and apart for longer.”

“Wait, what?" you sputter, bewildered, and jab your thumb at the boys, "The two of them said that I had to go too.”

Jean and Connie both protest, overlapping one another. “That is what she said!” “You did say everyone had to go.”

Pieck laughs dryly. “Change of plans,” she looks at the two of them and shrugs, “Annie only agreed to come if we let Y/N stay here to watch over the farm. She’s not going to budge, and besides: the shifters are the most important representatives. I’ll take the fall for Plans are going to have to change.”

“Y/N is from Paradis,” Jean defends you, “don’t you think they’d listen to her over Annie?”

“I don’t want to fucking go,” you interrupt.

Pieck nods in acknowledgement, “That, and I don’t want Annie following through on the threats she made if we were to let you come.”

“‘Let’ me come?” you repeat, aghast.

She throws her hands up. “Listen, talk to her about it. But if you don’t want to go, then don’t argue.”

You pause, and Pieck continues. “She wrote you a free ticket out of this trip. I think it's the best trade-off we're going to get for what we need to do. Take the win, for all of our sake."

You sigh, and let her words sink in for a moment. How in the hell was this supposed to be a 'win,' is completely beyond you.

You lose time with Annie right when things are starting to be okay again, and you’re terrified that Annie will lose any peace she’s found, that she’s already struggling to cling to.

Eventually, your voice cracks. “It doesn’t make it any less painful for her to have to go away.”

Connie tugs on your arm. “If anyone could change Annie’s mind, it’s you, Y/N. There’s room on the ship–”

Pieck shushes him and waves him off before you can protest. She puts her hand on your shoulder comfortingly.

“I’ll keep an eye on Annie for you,” she promises. “I can be with her the whole time if it would make you feel better.”

You try to hold them back, but tears well up in your eyes.

“Thank you,” you manage, hiccuping. Pieck keeps rubbing your shoulder. She sniffs, and looks between the three of you before her eyes settle on Connie.

“You smell like a barn… We’re putting the windows down on the way home.”

He grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck.

Pieck grimaces. “Seriously, what’d you do, rub your face on a cow?”

He giggles. “Sorry…” Both you and the two boys start laughing hysterically, and you wipe away your tears.

Jean hugs you from the side while Connie leans on your arm. Nobody says anything, but a few moments pass with the three of them offering you silent comfort.

But before long, they’re walking back to the car. Of course you see them off, but the truth is that you really don’t want them to leave.

You try to draw out their departure, hugging each of them again, talking about the trip, and even asking questions about that stupid, stupid car. But eventually, they climb inside of it and leave.

It’s for the best. You don’t need to go back inside to know that Annie has completely shut down. It’s a good thing that everyone besides you (a seasoned veteran in the warfare of avoiding the collateral of her moods) is out of the crossfire.

It doesn’t stop your heart from sinking as you watch Jean, Connie, and Pieck drive away, and this time not just because of the smoggy exhaust drifting out from behind the automobile. This morning you had been so excited for visitors and now your hopes had been dashed in the most unfair of ways. You sit in the middle of the dirt road and take some time to pull yourself together.

When you go back inside you bring Annie a blanket. She’s curled up in the reading nook, facedown in a pile of pillows. As you leave, you draw closed a curtain that you’d hung from the archway to give her more privacy.

You check on her every twenty minutes or so until you’ve noticed that she’s turned on her back. Quietly, you push aside the curtain and make your way over to her, kneeling in front of the window seat.

“Do you want to be alone, or for me to stay?” you ask.

Annie sniffles, and a tear rolls down into her hair.

“Stay,” she answers. And so you do.

Once again, she doesn’t want to talk, so you just stay next to her. You grab a book from nearby at some point, and it feels similar to the night in the barn. You sit on the floor next to her as you half-read, comforting her and trying not to look visibly worried.

At one point you notice that she’s pinned herself all the way against the window. You catch her eye, look down at the empty space on the seat next to her, then raise your eyebrows for permission. She has no emotion on her face, but she nods, so subtly that you could have missed it, and somebody who didn’t know her so well might have.

You lay down next to her, and before you even have the chance to settle into place, Annie is on top of you. She rests her head on your shoulder and wraps her arm around your torso. You nuzzle into her, sniffing her hair and then kissing the top of her head.

For the rest of the afternoon, Annie doesn’t speak. The two of you sit there together, wrapped up in one another. Neither of you addresses it, but it’s clear from the way that she pulls you so close, and the way you press into her like you can’t ever get close enough, that neither of you is prepared to deal with having to be apart from the other. She trembles, fighting back tears but never leaving your embrace.

Somehow, it’s both comforting and intensely emotional at the same time. You stroke her back and her shoulders to calm her down, and once Annie has calmed, she turns the affection around on you. Gently, she touches your face slowly and deliberately, tracing the outline of every one of your features.

From four years of watching her through a crystal, you suddenly recognize what she’s doing, and it breaks your heart. She’s trying to memorize your face, every dip and curve. So many times you mourned the fact that you never got to do this — to really, truly touch her and make a point to remember what it felt like to lie there next to her.

You wished for years that you could have known it was the last time you would have kissed her, or held her in bed… it could have been more special, you would have paid more attention. You spent so many nights lying awake and trying to remember. Whenever you got her back during the Rumbling, there were more pressing things to deal with at the moment, but that first embrace unlocked a trove of memories.

The way her hand rests on the back of your neck whenever she pulls you close… You had forgotten that she did that. In your youth it barely registered, but after years it finally clicked at that moment. When you were sixteen you couldn’t have known, but after you’d seen her in her Titan form, and fought so many yourself, it all falls into place at once she does it again years later. She’s doing all she knows how to do to keep you safe. It’s totally unconscious, you realize, as time has passed, but it’s something she still does to this day. Whenever she puts her hand on your nape like that, she’s protecting you. She’s covering the only vulnerable spot that she knows.

Now that you have time to prepare for her being gone, you actually find that it hurts so much more.

So now, when she devolves again into a crying mess at the thought of going back, her hand locked on the back of your neck, you squeeze her tight. The idea that you’ll have to ever be apart makes you want to sink into these pillows and never get up.

The thought of her leaving you behind makes you want to lie beneath one of the endlessly sprawling green trees together. You could stay there forever. You wouldn’t mind if you died there, as long as she was there with you. As long as you could stay together.

There was a time where you genuinely thought you would never be able to talk to her again, where the idea of a life with her felt like a fantasy. But now, after you’ve already gotten your happy ending? There really is no such thing as happily ever after… If there was, then why was she leaving? Why couldn’t she stay with you?

As the sun is beginning to set, you hear Papa arrive home. You kiss Annie on the forehead and go to greet him.

You lug the baskets he brings with him into the front room, and steer Papa into the kitchen whenever he gives the drawn curtain an odd look.

You help him unload his haul, which can only be described as ‘random shit.’ Books, mostly, but also bundles of old-looking paper and scrolls, maps, bundles of fabric that he claims are drapes, and some oddly-shaped decorative statues.

As you unpack, you ask him where he got everything. He thinks for a moment, then gives a typically vague response: “Oh, you know. In town.”

He then turns around and asks you what the hell happened while he was gone. You tell him to sit down first. He grabs the tray of mini sandwiches Annie made earlier, which were still untouched.

You talk to him over a cup of tea. He doesn’t touch the food, he just stares straight ahead, hands wrapped around the mug. You explain the visitors, what news they brought with them, and Annie’s insistence that you don’t go, too, and your lack of understanding as to why.

Once again you’re surprised how similar his mannerisms are to Annie’s as he processes for several long moments. They have the same thousand-yard stare and the same tight-lipped way of biting back what they’re feeling.

Finally, he breaks the silence with a sigh. “Back to Paradis, huh? And this time, it’s to help the Eldians… How will this help?”

This time, you find yourself without a meaningful reaction, either. You just shrug and shake your head.

He looks up at you. “And tell me again why you’re not going?”

“Annie insisted. She told them she wouldn’t go unless I stayed.”

“She could stay, too,” he mutters. He breaks away eye contact, and you can tell he’s putting effort into keeping his face emotionless. His shoulders sag with more than age. Grief itself weighs him down, and makes him seem a lot older and frailer than before.

You nod. “I thought so, too.”

Papa’s eyes grow misty, though he blinks them away just as quickly as they appeared. It makes you feel uneasy — there’s something about watching a parent breaking down in front of you makes you feel like the terrors of the world are too big to be comforted by. You don’t know what else to do, so you do what you’d do for Annie and reach out to touch his hand.

He looks surprised by the gesture, and his eyes unwittingly fill with tears again. And again he blinks them back. After a few seconds, he pulls his hand away and swallows hard.

“At least, uh,” a sniffle, then he clears his throat, “at least I know she’ll come back this time, with you here.”

A long silence passes. You know that he’s right, Annie would come back. Though at this point, what you were worried about wasn’t whether she returned at all, but if she returned to you with the same smile you’d grown to love so dearly. You worried whether when she came back if she’d still sang while she washed her hair in the shower, or if she’d still wake up early in the morning excited, kissing you while you’re half asleep on her way to take care of the animals.

The nightmares hadn’t stopped. But you’re afraid that when she comes back, there’s no chance that they’ll ever go away.

Papa wordlessly sets aside all of the new books he’d just gotten for her. You press a flower into the front cover of one of them.

That night, Annie sleeps in the nook downstairs, with you curled around her. It’s the most uncomfortable night of sleep you’ve ever had, but you’d do it a million times over. Something deep inside of you sinks as the reality sets in. This isn’t permanent. You might lose her again.

No. You are going to lose her again.

With shaking fingers, you brush back a lock of blonde hair and stroke the side of her cheek. That night, you take the opportunity to do what you never got to do all those years ago. You remind yourself of every dip and curve of her face. You know it by heart already, but you never want to forget for a moment.

You never want to forget the way her breathing slows when she sleeps, or the way she snores a little bit every time she breathes in. You etch the feeling of her body flush against yours into your mind and the way she unconsciously leans into you. All of the tiny things that you’re worried won’t be the same.

Annie squeezes your hand in her sleep. Silently, you finally let yourself cry.

It’s only fitting for the weather to reflect your moods after the news came. For the next few days, it pours. It starts out as heavy rain, then escalates to thunderstorms. On the fourth day, the sky is black all day and the wind howls. It’s a horrible storm, loud and destructive. All the animals stay inside the barn and seem perfectly happy to do so, even if they are a bit spooked. You make sure they have enough food and clean water and check on them as often as you can manage to get out there.

Papa’s en suite was protected from flooding, but the sandbags piled up against the door effectively locked him out for a few days. So he camps out in the study on the couch for a couple of nights much to his annoyance, but it does force Annie to get up and take a shower.

The power is out, but you make a small dinner with what you have. The three of you, plus Donut and the Siamese at your feet, all huddle together around a candle as you eat. Your conversation can’t quite drown out the sounds of the storm outside but it does distract you. It’s the closest you’ve ever felt like a family, and you can’t help but mourn the fact that it happened under such an unfavorable circumstance. And uncomfortable…

Papa reads aloud one of the books he’d gotten in town recently. It’s a history book about some nation that doesn’t exist anymore after the Rumbling, and you hardly listen, but the sound of his voice lulls Annie into a tranquil state for as long as he’s talking. You play with her hair as she sleeps in your arms, poking the freshly-cut ends.

After her dad goes to bed is when the trouble starts. As soon as the door upstairs closes, she starts to cry. She lets herself be comforted but doesn’t look you in the eye. She gets a couple of hours of fitful sleep before she gets up and goes into the bathroom for a while.

When she comes back, she’s even more of a mess. All she does is fall onto the bed with her head on your lap and cries.

It’s the middle of the night, but you shake off your sleepiness. You hold her close and try to comfort her. You’re terrified that all the stress will plague her dreams, and so you sleep lightly and fitfully with the fear that she’ll wake up screaming and unresponsive.

Eventually, you get her to settle back down, though every so often you hear her inhale shakily. Once you’ve made sure that her eyes stay closed and her breathing has calmed, your own eyes finally grow heavy once again.

Yet before either of you has the chance to sleep for very long, you’re woken up by a horrible scraping noise. It comes from directly above you and sends both of the cats on the bed yowling and scattering in opposite directions.

Wind blasts rain and leaves into your bed. Both you and Annie jolt upright, with her fingers digging into your arm. As confused and frightened as you are, she is far more upset. Lighting flashes in the sky and Annie screams like she can see the grim reaper. Bone-chilling, horrific screams that could shatter glass emanate out from her, though she is reacting to her surroundings.

“Annie?!” you shout, just to make sure she’s not sleeping.

“Y/N!” she shrieks in return, and then she gets even louder when a leaf slaps her directly in the face.

You’re more worried about her than assessing any of the damage. In your groggy state, you look around to make sure that there are no immediate threats.

A tree branch hangs inside of the bedroom, straight through the ceiling above the window that overlooks the garden. It’s slapping between the windowpane and the table next to the bed, and there’s water everywhere. But other than that…

Your biggest problem isn’t the house right now.

One of the cats is yowling and scratching to get out across the way, Annie is crying, and the combination of thunder and wind howling disorients you. It’s overwhelming, and instinct kicks in. Tears and raindrops mix on her face as she looks around trying to figure out what’s going on. You look around frantically and notice the bathroom door is open: a safe haven.

So you do what you feel like you have to do before you lose the gusto to do it. You throw Annie halfway over your shoulder and deadlift her out of the bed — it’s not romantic in the least. The whole time she screams and kicks, squirming and fighting against you.

You drag her into the bathroom and slam shut the door after the cat darts between your ankles before finally, all of the noises are muffled. Thunder still shakes the house, but the whipping of the wind is muffled. Annie sits slumped against the wall, so you drop down next to her to wrap your arms around her shoulders.

Fresh, hot tears run down your face, even though you barely realize that you’re crying, too. Annie’s fingers find a handful of your shirt, which she grips so tightly that it anchors you in place. Her grip is white-knuckled, anchoring you in place as she breathes raggedly.

You finally slump down enough to physically pull her into your lap and cradle her, properly. She starts to settle down, and eventually you’re able to get a good enough grip to really scoop her up in your arms. Stroking her hair, you whisper into her:

“It’s okay, I’ve got you now. You’re safe. Listen to my voice.”

It’s not really a comfortable position, but you stay hunched on your knees, with her sprawled out beneath you half-propped up on the wall until Annie can breathe a little better. You take a deep breath with her, and another, then another.

Eventually, she lets out a long, shaky exhale, then sits up on her own. You keep your hand on her arm to remind her she isn’t alone. Her eyes are huge, glistening as they well up with tears.

“It’s okay,” you reassure her, gently stroking her skin.

Lightning flashes, brightening the entire small room. Across the room, the Siamese shakes the water out of her fur, then licks her paw. Her ears twitch wildly as nervously glances. She slinks across the tiled floor slowly until she bumps against you and Annie, where she settles tentatively.

A particular loud pang of thunder shakes the room, rattling the window. You and Annie both scream and clutch one another while the Siamese pulls her lips back to hiss. A thumping noise echoes in the bathtub and rustles the shower curtain — the Siamese hisses again while all of your hair stands on end. Her ears point backward and she menacingly walks toward the mystery sound.

Another clap of thunder echoes and a pitiful little “mrow” echoes from the bathtub. The Siamese relaxes, and you’re met with the sight of Donut popping his little head up. His pupils are tiny slits, and his ears are flat against his head. Well, two mysteries are solved at once.

When he sees the Siamese is in the bathroom too, he jumps out of the tub. The Siamese growls, but when Donut rubs up against her side, her tail wraps around him.

Annie has gone limp in your arms. You stroke her hair with your other arm wrapped around her tightly, trying to offer her some comfort.

Finally, she speaks.

“Where’s my dad?” she asks, wild-eyed.

You shake your head. “Still downstairs. I think he’s okay.”

Neither of you speaks, and the both of you consider how heavily he sleeps with all the medication he takes.

Annie nods, though she still looks rattled. “Yeah, he’s fine.”

Lightning flashes again followed up with a deafening roll of thunder sweeping after it just half a second later. You both jump, and her grip on you tightens.

“Poor Rosemary. I wish she would come inside when the weather gets like this.”

You nod but reassure her nonetheless. “She can take care of herself. I saw her in the barn yesterday and she wouldn’t leave somewhere she knows she’s safe.”

Annie nods. “Yeah. You’re right, she’s safe.”

“If anything she’s taken control of the place,” you joke, “by the time the rain stops we can just consider the barn part of Rosemary’s Dominion.” You laugh at yourself, but fall silent when you see how worried Annie still is.

“Yeah…” she trails off. You can tell that she’s a million miles away.

You touch her cheek, and she looks at you with wide scared eyes. “Hey… You can tell me,” you whisper to her softly, “if you want to.”

Her lower lip trembles, and it all comes back out at once. It’s a genuine cry, an ugly cry, with snot running down her face and her words barely being intelligible.

“I don’t want to go,” she quakes as she starts to cry. “I really, really don’t want to go back there.”

“To Paradis?”

“No, to the fucking animal feed store,” she snaps back, in her anger. “Yes, obviously to Paradis!”

You don’t respond. Immediately, she starts crying harder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she flings her arms around your neck, and you readjust so that you can properly support her. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I want you to be safe… I didn’t mean to.”

You shake your head. “Don’t apologize. Just get it out. Keep telling me about it,” you tell her, “please.” Annie’s fingers tighten in your clothes to the point where the fabric stretches.

After a few seconds, she takes a deep breath. “There are so many bad memories there.”

You tighten your hug around her as she goes on.

“Everywhere else is gone. All the other battlefields and cities I destroyed, I mean. Now, they’re just flattened earth. But Paradis… it’s still there. The people I terrorized there, they remember what I did. They hate me and I deserve it.”

“I’m worried that going back there is going to make me feel the same way I did back then,” her voice cracks, and she starts crying so hysterically that you can hardly understand her. “I don’t ever want to feel that again.”

You pull her as close as you can, your skin slipping against hers from the raindrops and sweat. “I don’t either. Let me come with you and I’ll help, I’ll take you away when it’s too much. Please, Annie.”

Annie shakes her head. “No. It won’t help, and there’s no use in the both of us being miserable.”

“I want to be there for you. I don’t care about their stupid mission and I’m not helping them but please, let me be there for you…”

She groans and shakes her head. “No, no. I need you here.”

“Why? Don’t give me some excuse either, tell me the real reason.”

“No, it’s not,” she insists, “besides: I need you to take care of my dad.”

You blink. “What?”‘ That is just, so completely not what you expected her to say.

“He’s your family now, you know. I need you to take care of him for me while I’m gone. It’s going to be hard for him to see me leave again.”

“Hard for him?” you gawk, “What about me?! It’s breaking my heart that you’re going and I’m staying.” You hold the bit about how you don’t want to be saddled with a grumpy old man you don’t know how to talk to.

As you press your mouth shut, she gives you a good hard look. Without saying a word or lifting a finger she somehow backs you into a corner. Just by looking at you, she pushes past all the bullshit and demands that you be real with her. And right now, given everything that’s about to happen, you can’t deny her that.

You sigh and roll your eyes.

Annie places a hand on your back to comfort you. “You’re going to have to learn to talk to him eventually, you know,” she says.

“That’s absolutely terrifying,” you confess. “And it’s not fair, either. ”

She raises an eyebrow. “It’s not fair that you get to stay with my dad?”

“No, it’s not,” you exclaim, “because it should be YOU spending time with your dad. Or at least all three of us should be together. While you’re reliving your worst nightmares every day, I’m supposed to… start feeding the goats and babysit Papa?!”

For the first time in days, she cracks a smile. It’s brief, but it takes her aback enough that she has to re-orient herself back into being miserable. It’s not much, but it makes you feel like who she really is, is still down in there somewhere, beneath all of the hurt and anger.

“No, just the bit about the goats,” she responds dryly. “My dad is going to try to babysit you, so don’t let him.”

You laugh, borderline like a crazy person. The sight of that smile, it meant everything to you in ways you couldn’t begin to say. Even though everything was falling apart, she’d still smiled at you.

The idea of bossing Papa around still turns your blood a little bit cold, though. “Do I have a choice in the matter?” you ask.

She huffs in amusement, not quite laughter. “Not if you ever want to get the one-up on him.”

You sigh, suddenly overwhelmed by sadness again. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe I won’t be there this time.”

Annie wraps her arms around your shoulders, then rests her forehead on your shoulder. “You aren’t going to be alone. You have each other, and my dad really loves you.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” you scoff, and then you both laugh. Or, you both exhale harder than usual.

“He really does…” she admits. “But maybe he’ll surprise you.”

After a few seconds, you break her embrace. Your intention isn’t to pull away from her, but you need to get a good look at her.

Worried, you make sure you’re looking her in the eye.“I feel like that isn’t all this is about. Why do you want me to stay here so badly?” you ask, done with mincing your words. You try to hold it back, but you start to cry. “Am I not good enough? You don’t want me there with you? I’m only trying to help.”

Annie shakes her head vehemently and takes your hands in hers. She’s trembling, and takes a deep breath to gather herself.

“No, no! Of course I want you with me. It’s because I need something good to come back to, something worth living for. I want you, and this place, to stay safe. For it to stay the place we made it to be…”

Before you know it, you’re crying, and she takes your face in her hands. She brushes aside the tears that stream down your cheek with her thumbs. She’s crying too, but holding you in a way that you can’t wipe her tears, too.

What an apt, fitting metaphor for everything happening in your life. If only she’d let you help her… If only there was something you could do to keep her in your little safe haven for just a little longer. If only it could be forever.

“I don’t want to be apart from you either, but you can get out of this. I can’t. Stay, please If I leave, it’ll suck, but if you leave, this is just a house. You are what keeps it our home.” She chokes on a sob but tries to brush it off. “Anyway, the goats always bite my dad, and you know how he feels about the chickens. It’s best that someone they like stays behind.”

You can visibly see her shutting herself down, turning emotions off the way she used to so many years ago.

She’s forcing herself to pull it together in a way that’s all-too-familiar, and you haven’t seen in years. Internally, you begin to panic. Annie closes her eyes and by the time she’s opened them, there’s no emotion left within her.

You burst into tears again, and as you embrace one another, you end up stretched out on the floor. Your knees knock against the cold and hard tile, but the bruises that will come are the least of your concerns.

“I’ll be fine,” she says flatly, “don’t worry about me. I’ve gotten through this before and I’ll do it again.”

The regression makes your heart sink, but you know from experience that anything you say will fall on deaf ears. Instead, you just pull her into you.

“Yeah?” you ask, and at that moment, you choose to cling to the hope you feel, false or not.

“Mmhm, you’ll see,” she presses a kiss into your forehead, “you’ll see… I’ll come back in one piece.” She forces herself to smile, but Annie’s expression is hollow.

You bury your face into the crook of her neck so that you don’t have to see it. All you can do is try to get through to her in the only way you know how to do: you hold her.

All these years later, she still likes to cuddle the same way. Her head rests on your extended arm, going limp in your embrace while she lets you really nuzzle into her. She keeps herself tucked away into you, arms and legs curled up and protected by yours just like the cats. Soon enough, they too find their way over to the both of you and curl behind Annie.

It would have been perfect if it wasn’t for the monsoon outside and the fact that your elbow is trapped in the worst possible angle. Of course, you stay in the same position all night so Annie can sleep. You’re even more uncomfortable than you were the night in the study, but it’s these memories you’ll hold onto the dearest when she’s gone.

The next morning, it’s sunny. Birds are singing and lots of wild animals dart in and out the underbrush beyond the fences of the cottage. Annie climbs up onto the roof, hoisting you up behind her. In silence, the two of you rip up the damaged section of the roof. It only takes the afternoon to fix from the outside.

In the month you have left with her, everything is different. She still wakes up early to feed the livestock, but she doesn’t whistle while she cleans. Never again do you find her laughing at the kitchen table with Papa, or singing in the shower.

You still have weeks left, but it’s like she’s already gone. She becomes distant during the day as if she’s going through the motions. At night, she cries. It’s only a matter of time before she’s gone for good. So you hold her close, while you still can.

And you wait for the other shoe to drop.

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theheroheart · 3 years ago

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What ‘Ted Lasso’ gets right about resistance to therapy, according to a therapist

By Erin Qualey Sep. 10, 2021 6 AM PT

The following contains spoilers from Friday’s episode of “Ted Lasso,” “Man City.” (Originally posted here.)

Wherever you go, there you are.

In my work as a therapist, this is a concept my clients and I often explore. No matter how far or fast you run from your troubles, the one thing you absolutely cannot escape is yourself. Wherever you go? There you are. It’s a saying that Ted Lasso himself would surely love.

In the first season of the Apple TV+ series “Ted Lasso,” Ted (Jason Sudeikis) travels across an ocean to coach a professional football team with zero experience. He’s an aw-shucks Kansan with a can-do attitude, and his perpetual positivity proves infectious to almost everyone he meets. Although “Ted Lasso” is a comedy, Ted’s tortured inner life has been hinted at from the start — in the form of conflict with his ex-wife and a panic attack he experienced late in Season 1, triggered by a karaoke version of “Let It Go” from “Frozen.” For Ted, the song served as a crushing yet temporary reminder that he was putting off the inevitable. It’s only in Season 2, the adjustment to a new life and job complete, that Ted has been left to sit with his feelings — and realize he might not be able to outrun himself after all.

Enter Dr. Sharon Fieldstone (Sarah Niles), sports psychologist, whose presence clearly rattled Ted. Niles imbues Dr. Sharon with an even keel and disciplined temperament: Whether she’s engaging with a client or observing the team at practice, her active body language and ever-searching eye movements indicate that Dr. Sharon strives to treat each moment at her job with the utmost care and seriousness. She sets personal boundaries but also knows when to head out for a drink with the team after a particularly needed win.

It’s the addition of the enigmatic Dr. Sharon that catalyzes the central action of Season 2 — which, though it’s received criticism for a lack of dramatic momentum, has been laying a trail of biscuit crumbs to Friday’s game-changing “Man City.”

Ted’s insistence that life has infinite happy endings already bordered on toxic positivity, and it catapults over that line into maladaptive behavior in Season 2. As Ted starts to strain against the weight of the trauma he carries, he shifts into near-manic mode. The pressure to be himself — a man who consistently puts others’ needs above his own — finally becomes too great, and he experiences a debilitating panic attack in the middle of a crucial match. In a striking scene, Dr. Sharon finds Ted curled up in her darkened office, finally asking for help.

Therapy is all about sitting with and processing uncomfortable emotions in a safe space. Unfortunately, much of Ted’s ethos runs completely counter to this idea. His “be a goldfish” saying and his staunch belief in “rom-communism” both center on selective amnesia of the negative and overemphasis on the positive. But Ted has another mantra: “bird by bird.” Originating in the book of the same name by Anne Lamott, the term connotes perseverance and patience: It means to take things one step at a time until a daunting task is completed. So when Ted finally decides to engage in therapy with Dr. Sharon, he’s determined to not give up. And, wouldn’t you know, there’s a bird involved.

When Ted finally sits down for his first session with Dr. Sharon, he is a mess. He spies a bobbing drinking bird and taps it. The bird, much like Ted, can say only “yes.” But in a powerful moment, Ted begins to gently oppose the bird, shaking his head “no” as he watches the toy come to a stop. Shortly after, he pops out of his chair and leaves the session. Something similar happens during the second session, but this time he picks a fight with the good doctor before storming out.

The bird is an important visual illustration of the cognitive dissonance Ted is experiencing. He’s programmed himself to use relentless positivity as a coping mechanism, always saying yes to every experience and aiming to please in every interaction. Therapy is an unknown for him, and his fear of uncovering the truth is far greater than his fear of not being liked. So he bolts.

This scene could well have been lifted from many of my sessions over the years. There’s a bit of Ted in every therapy client I’ve ever worked with, and an instinctual pushback to therapy is understandable, given there are deeply entrenched societal stigmas associated with reaching out for help. Asking for help is an act of courage, as therapy can be scary and even at times unpleasant: As Dr. Sharon says, “The truth will set you free, but first it will p— you off.”

It takes a leap of faith to engage in therapy, as it’s a process often filled with challenging emotions. Ambivalence is normal and even expected. “Ted Lasso” delivers a raw and honest portrayal of how — with the right therapist — a person can overcome their fears and begin to pursue a more hopeful path. (It’s worth noting here that Ted represents the best-case scenario for someone seeking therapy. He has a quality therapist who has time for him, is conveniently located and is presumably free of charge. In real life, availability, location and cost are major barriers that can prevent people from even getting in the door.)

Still, though Ted is staying for the duration of his sessions with Dr. Sharon at this point, he’s not actually doing the work. So she tries a different angle: Following a traumatic accident on her bike in “Man City,” she worries she’ll be too scared to do one of her favorite activities going forward — and shares these feelings with Ted, using self-disclosure to model behavior for her client. When she’s vulnerable and honest about her emotions, it gives Ted the license to do the same.

A day later, Ted witnesses an altercation between Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster) and his abusive father, and it triggers a reaction. It’s easy to imagine the old Ted swallowing his own feelings and trying to smooth the situation over, but that’s not what happens. Instead, he races outside, calls Dr. Sharon, and tearfully confesses to her that his father took his own life when Ted was 16. And Ted Lasso — both the character and the series — has fully earned this moment, as we’ve witnessed absolutely every step that has led up to his breakthrough.

For a show such as “Ted Lasso” to depict the initial stages of therapy with such care and nuance is an act of generosity. Just as Dr. Sharon modeled desirable behavior for Ted, the series successfully modeled a very real experience that can and does hold people back from finding the support they need. Perhaps Ted will eventually be the catalyst for many of the people in his orbit — looking at you, Nate, Rebecca and Jamie — to seek out time with the doctor as well.

Qualey is a licensed therapist specializing in addiction and trauma with more than a decade of experience in the field. She also works as a freelance writer, often focusing on the intersections among mental health, addiction and pop culture.

#ted lasso #ted lasso meta #therapy #psychology #the original article is locked #so i just wanted somewhere i could link people #cause it's very good

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mostly-marvel-musings · 4 years ago

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We were on a break - Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter has been sitting in the drafts for months now, and finally I’ve made some progress so yay! Hope you guys like it, feedback’s very much appreciated.

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warning: Strong language, angst, some fluff.

Word count: 906

Series Taglist – @shipatheart @tone-stark @thevanishedillusion @loveisallyouneed1125 @kaestatic @lieswithoutfairytales @booktease21 @panicattheeverywherekid @taina-eny @infirebaby @buttercandy16

Tony Stark Taglist - @raspberrymama @ladyeliot @boop-le-snoot @make-a-memory-drink-it-up @loveisallyouneed1125 @ownsmyheart @anthonyjanthony666 @downeyreads

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Series Masterlist

…

“Look at all this Stark stuff you’ve got lying around. You have to get rid of this crap (Y/L/N).” Ward stated bluntly, scanning through your clothes and stuff you had lined up for packing.

“It’s not crap Ward.” You snapped snatching Tony’s T-shirt you always slept in from his hands, a little annoyed hearing his tone. He had invited himself over to your apartment to ‘help’ you get packing for your mission, only so far he had only managed to piss you off.

Sure Ward was one of your close friends but, he was being unnecessarily nosy at this point and you were irritated. Excusing yourself to get some water, you stomped out of your bedroom, with Grant following closely behind, noticing how upset you got. If only you had the guts to shoo him away directly.

“Look I’m sorry I was being rude but you know I’m right. You can’t move on with his belongings lying around.” He said, softly this time placing his hand over yours making you look up to find his face a bit too close to yours, making you uncomfortable.

“I’m only trying to help you move on (Y/N).”

Stepping away from him, you stormed back in your bedroom, hoping he’d get the idea that he was no longer welcome and leave you alone. No matter how awkward that encounter had been, you knew deep down Grant had a point, you weren’t supposed to cling onto Tony’s memories but when was that stuff ever easy?

His shirt was the last item left to pack, after much contemplation, you stuffed it inside your luggage, it was super comfy after all.

The plane ride to Seychelles consisted of you avoiding Ward at all costs and him trying to find ways to get you alone. Lucky for you, Agent Hill had sent Clint along for the mission, last minute welcome changes allowing you to keep busy with him to prevent Ward’s advances.

…

It was one of those uneventful afternoons when you’d found yourself going through Tony’s extensive accessories closet, watches you knew added up to a couple million dollars alone, sunglasses that he so pompously fashioned at every given occasion. You picked up the ones that had a red tint glass and put them on along with a matching tie that you draped over your tee before marching your ass out to the bedroom to check your avatar in the full-length mirror.

“Tony Stark - genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Well, ex-playboy. I’m with (Y/N) (Y/L/N) now.” You tried your best impression of the man, quite pleased with the enactment before FRIDAY’s voice nearly made you scream.

“Fucking hell FRIDAY!”

Apologies Miss (Y/L/N), Boss has requested your presence in the lab and he insists you keep his tie and sunglasses on.

Of course he’d spied on you at the moment you wished he hadn’t. You made your way down to his lab nevertheless, heart racing at the thought of what Tony might say about your shenanigans.

Tony picked up the red tinted glasses you’d once wore as a joke, that memory of your ‘eventful’ afternoon in his lab fresh in his mind as he got dressed to leave for Oslo for new leads on Ultron. He’d asked Natasha about you in hopes that she would reveal your whereabouts if he coaxed her enough, the spy was nothing but adamant though.

Everything that happened after Tony created Ultron, the visions that Wanda Maximoff planted in his mind - the Avengers all of them dead, because of him, all because he didn’t save them instead turned out to be the reason the team was divided and the world fell apart. It made him realize you’d been right all along and he’d been too stubborn and focused on creating something that turned out to be his doom, ‘typical Stark move’ as you called it. Technically it wasn’t the first time Tony had managed to royally fuck something up, only this time the magnitude of its repercussions was huge.

He had made him his mind to find you and make up right after sorting the whole Ultron situation out, if that was even possible. Given the current predicaments, it seemed like a distant dream. Still he wasn’t going to leave any stone unturned, he’d do his best to apologize, to get you to talk to him by any means necessary. Tony needed you now more than ever, he just hoped with everything in him that you still needed him too.

…

The salty balmy setting in Seychelles instantly lifted your spirits. Pristine blue waters with matching skies, white sands and stunning beaches, this definitely felt more of a vacation and less of a mission. The change of scenery you always wanted was just granted to you, albeit your mind couldn’t help but imagine visiting this wonderful place with the love of your life one day.

You and the team were residing in the same luxury resort Leeds was at with his family, The Four Seasons Resorts at Desroches Island and according to intel given by Hill, he was laying low until next week when a big event was planned in honor of his 50th birthday – which also happened to be the day his biggest deal with Hydra was going down. That meant you had some time to conjure up an effective plan to get his attention and time to unwind, the wheels turning in your head suggested you could do both.

Tags are open! If you wish to be tagged in future chapters, send me an ask or DM ;))

#tony stark x reader #tony stark series #we were on a break #tony stark angst #agents of shield #tony x you #grant ward #tony stark fanfiction #tags are open

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succubusphan · 3 years ago

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Ride Into The Setting Sun Tonight - Chapter 1

Summary: The start of a new season gives Dan the opportunity to finally win the world championship but his animosity with Lester and his reckless behaviour could ruin it all.

cowritten with my beloved @icequeenjules26

This part 2 of the Just Drive series

Tags/warnings: F1 au, enemies to lovers, Dan is a bit nasty at first but he is a good guy overall, Cocky!Dan, Rookie!Phil, some of the other drivers will become more relevant and will be listed as characters as that happens.

Rating: Pg-13

Word count: 2k for this chapter.

A/n: This fic was written for the @phandomreversebang 2021 with my dearest and most precious Julia and we were inspired by the awesome prompt by @toffeelemon, thanks for being so cool and giving us the liberty to be creative!

Updates will come out as we write them, no schedule is planned.

Read on ao3 | [Art Link]

Dan woke up with a start and sat up a bit too quickly, effectively hitting his head on the roof of his motorhome. “Fuck!” he grumbled, rubbing at the bruise already forming on his forehead. Trying to blink the sleep away, he rubbed his eyes and patted the bed in search of his phone. If he was lucky he would still have a few hours left to sleep, but with a quick look, he realized he was out of luck. He canceled the alarm due five minutes later and put on the pair of joggers laying on the floor before exiting his room.

He should have guessed his teamboss would be already waiting for him at the table but he was still too tired to think straight. “Hi, Toto,” he mumbled when he finally noticed him.

“I heard you had a great start to the day! Come on, I made coffee!” Toto greeted him, pointing to the coffee maker in the corner.

“Hmm. One second.”

Dan hopped in the bathroom for a quick cold shower in which he managed to brush his teeth and also pee at the same time. Once he felt a bit more human he joined Toto at the sitting area. The Australian weather was going to murder him before the end of the day but he would be damned if he missed his morning coffee.

“Good morning, Dan!” Toto said in a pointedly cheery tone.

“Good morning,” Dan said, his lips curling into a small smile. He’d had a very shitty Qualifying the previous day - courtesy of Lester, he thought, but didn’t dare to say it out loud, knowing Toto would disagree - and he was still upset about it, but the kindness and support his team boss constantly gave him meant the world to him. Even though he could be a sarcastic little shit. He sipped on his coffee and let out a tired sigh to hide the grin fighting its way onto his lips.

“Hey, Dan. Don’t feel discouraged, you can win this. I know you can.”

Dan nodded. “I know, I feel ready. This will be my championship, I can feel it in my bones.”

“We’ve worked hard for it, now it’s time to reap the rewards.” Toto patted his shoulder. “Well, I know how much you hate to talk to people before the race so I’ll leave you to it. Just keep your mind where it should be, not in petty drama.”

Dan rolled his eyes but nodded.

His mind wandered back to when he finally got picked for Formula 1 and how much he had improved since then. He had worked his way up to the top and last season he had almost won first place but he had enough mistakes and run-ins with Lester that he barely managed to get on the podium. But this time he would make it. He had trained his ass off both in the gym and in the simulator so he felt ready; this season he was finally going to win the World Championship for the first time.

---

Hello and welcome to the Australian Gp of the new Formula one season! It is nearly lights out here in Melbourne, the cars just started their formation lap. After yesterday’s eventful qualifying, the signs for this race are even more complicated than anticipated. Aston Martin took the circuit by storm yesterday, out-qualifying even consecutive world champion Mercedes almost easily, putting Sebastian Vettel on pole and his teammate Nico Hülkenberg in the second position. The second row consists of Mercedes, who were decidedly not happy with that outcome. Dan Howell seemed especially hard, his bad mood resulting in yet another argument with Phil Lester, the newly appointed Ferrari driver. We all know they are not the best of friends, but with them both in teams attempting to reach the top now the situation presumably will only grow more complicated.

Dan returned to his Mercedes as soon as the engineer had given him the ok and took a deep breath; he needed to focus on what was at stake. He stared at the lights turning on one by one and grasped onto the steering wheel for dear life, his eyes focused on the track and flashing dangerously. He was not going to let Lester ruin him again.

“We’re sticking to strategy A for the time being, Dan,” Toto said over the team radio.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dan rolled his eyes. “I got it.”

“Keep your head on straight. You can do it.”

“I said I got it, Toto.” Dan said through gritted teeth. He knew he could do it, he just needed Lester to stay the fuck away from him.

“Gut, gut.”

The drivers are now in starting positions, we’re only moments from the start -

And it’s lights out in Melbourne! Both Aston Martins apparently had a great start, keeping their top positions, but Dan Howell behind them did not! He dropped 3 positions at the start and is now fighting Mick Schumacher for the sixth position. He needs to be careful to not get sucked into the chaotic midfield battle behind him, with several cars within half a second distance.

“Fuck!” Dan yelled. “Fuck me all the way down to hell!”

“Dan, calm the fuck down. It’s ok, stick to the strategy and it’ll be fine.”

“Fine!” This was not good, not good at all - but he could reclaim his spot and win; he just needed to be more careful.

Oh and what is that!? Carlos Sainz misjudges a corner and loses control over his car! He hit the tyre wall pretty hard there, but is already gesturing that he is okay. His fallout does mean a safety car phase though, which gives us some time to take a closer look at the current top 10. So, as mentioned, we still have Aston Martin firmly up front, followed by George Russell, and, surprisingly, Lando Norris, who seemed to have had an incredible start, gaining 4 places already. Behind him we have Max Verstappen, then Mick Schumacher in Ferrari, then Dan Howell, who seems like he’s about to explode right now from the way he’s screaming on the team radio. Wouldn’t want to be his race engineer right now. In eighth place - and oh, this is a banger, only formula one writes these stories - we have Phil Lester! Hope they won’t cause trouble. Behind him is Lance Stroll and then Sergio Perez.

The safety car is still deployed as Sainz’ car proves difficult to untangle from the tyre wall, which gives us the opportunity for a short break. We’ll be right back!

Dan took the safety car laps to take a deep breath and calm down a bit. Driving enraged would not help him at all and he was aware he had quite the short fuse.

Aaand we’re back in Melbourne for the Australian GP! After some difficulty, Sainz's car is finally cleared and we’re racing again! The safety car changed a lot concerning the tyre strategy, probably giving Sebastian Vettel an advantage, he is a master in conserving tyres. Dan Howell, on the other hand, seems to have gotten the short end of the stick. His tyres look worse by the minute as he is pressured by Phil Lester, who’s having an incredible drive so far in his new Ferrari. He jumped teams from the last one on the grid to one of the top teams and he just seems to take it in stride!

“Bono, what’s the situation up front”, Dan hissed into the team radio through gritted teeth. He could feel the back of the car slipping a bit more every corner he drove through, and strategy D - the one calculated with a safety car - didn’t have him down for a stop for at least 5 more rounds. He knew that wasn’t good, but he needed to know how fucked he was exactly.

“Vettel’s exceeding tyre durability calculations”, answered his racing engineer through the team radio. “We’re looking for an alternative but we might need to switch to strategy Y.”

Dan gritted his teeth even harder, trying not to lose sight of Schumacher in front of him. This was even worse than imagined - strategy Y was not winning. It was conserving team points.

He wished he could punch something, but opted to hit the brakes harder than needed before the next corner instead.

We’re already halfway through the race now and not a lot has changed so far. The first pit stop phase is behind us, the grid has cleared up and Aston Martin is still leading. Dan Howell dropped back to sixth from his starting position on third, surpassed by Russel, Norris and Schumacher. Phil Lester had the displeasure of a terrible pitstop and dropped back to eighth, having advanced to fifth at one point. He had a nasty looking run-in with nemesis Dan Howell, but they both made it out without damage to the car.

“I’m going to - I swear -” Dan was trying his best to censor himself, he knew they could be overheard, but if he wasn’t he’d have quite a few things to say about Lester.

“We’re waiting for you next round. Strategy Y.”

“Fine!”

An undercut fighting for position 5 wasn’t exactly what he’d imagined when he’d started the race.

We’re now nearing the finish line. Perez had an unintended meeting with Yuki Tsunoda, causing both cars to crash, and they took Antonio Giovinazzi with them. The Italian makes it back to the pit lane but is forced to retire the car due to severe damage. This caused a longer safety car phase that put the grid close to each other again, but the flying start is no trouble for any of the drivers so no positions are changed.

And that’s it! Sebastian Vettel crosses the finish line and wins the first grand prix of the new season! Behind him and finally breaking his supposed curse of never making a podium we have Nico Hülkenberg, then George Russel. Dan Howell - former podium placer - only makes it to the sixth place, but still ends up in front of his rival Phil Lester, who showed a formidable drive and managed to finish eighth with his new car. What a start to the new season!

Dan went straight to his motorhome and slammed the door shut. He was absolutely furious; he had never been a violent person, on the contrary, but he was so angry right now he didn’t know what to do with himself. If he had Lester in front of him, he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t try to punch him. Maybe another shower would be a good idea to calm his nerves down.

There was a knock on the door. It was probably Toto. Dan knew he had been harsh on his team during the race, they hadn't been at fault for anything so he should apologize.

He pulled the door open and every muscle on his body tensed. He didn’t dare speak first because he was afraid of what he would say.

“Listen, Dan. I don’t want this to put even more animosity between us so I came here to -” Lester said.

“Why do you always do this? Find someone else to sabotage!”

“I don’t do it on purpose, you moron!”

Dan snorted humourlessly. “It has to be on purpose, you always do something to fuck me over. Every. Damn. Time. I haven’t heard of you having issues with anyone else.”

“Of course not, I’m a perfectly polite person and everyone likes me.”

That stung. Dan was popular in a way, but he wasn’t well liked by some of the other drivers and Lester, even as a newcomer, had them all in his pocket. “Whatever,” Dan said and made a grab for the door handle.

Lester caught his wrist, each finger burning into Dan’s skin. “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I really am.”

Dan saw nothing but honesty behind Lester’s eyes but he was still so mad, he could feel his own start to blur with impending tears. He was not about to let his enemy see his weakness, so he nodded and closed the door without another word.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #succubusphan fics #collab #team yalia #my team

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lovelygirlinbleu · 3 years ago

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My personal and very biased episodes ranking 😹😭

+ thoughts because I realized that I didn't do that for this season

1. Episode 9-10:

In my opinion the last two episodes were the best ones of the season. It's kinda sad but they didn't even have real competition because the other episodes felt messy compared to them. I feel like those episodes felt the most consistent. The pacing was perfect this time. The music was also beautiful and I fell in love with that song that Amie sang.

My favorite moment of the last episode is obviously Ludde's speech. It's the way the moment was acted out, how nervous he was at the beginning and how bit by bit he found strength and became more relaxed and then managed to deliver such a emotional speech. It was so beautiful. And then my heart broke when the individual moments were blended in with the background music.

Another favorite moment was the intro scene before with the skating scene which was a perfect closure for this chapter in his life. I still feel bad for him because this was also as much of a big dream for him as it was for Elias. But I'm also glad that he has found another passion which connects him even more to his brother. I lowkey hoped that he would finish the song but I also like the idea of an unfinished story.

I also liked the Amie & Klara scene with their moms. They had such a difficult relationship and it was a very cute little duo moment. Especially Amie & Petras moment was really touching, when you think about Amies introduction in 1x01 where she was so pissed at her because of a little compliment. That's growth my people.😭

Yet I think episode 9 was by far my favorite episode. I'm a little bit biased because I was so happy about the Ludde & Klara moment and especially the Amie & Felicia one. After such a long time we got another love confession and heartwarming moment between them. They got so much love for each other I will definitely talk about this.

I loved Amie and Elias flirting with each other when she asked him to prom it was really cute. But I lowkey wish that it was his idea.

It was a very heartbreaking and good episode. And for the first time you had the feeling of experiencing a friendship between the five. I love love stories but friendships are so much more important to me. That's why I've always cared so much about Amie & Felicia and since this season also about Klara & Ludde.

I'm very happy with the ending everyone got. Klara & Omar could have been solved less predictable and cheesy, but well ... I think we all knew that sentence would come. It was giving nothing sorry:(

2. Episode 3-4:

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony that's life ...

I think from the vibe, to the cinematography, storylines and music these were the best episodes. They were very painful to watch and I cried a lot because they really got me. Bittersweet.

To me, the episodes really introduced and heated up the plots. Elias story in particular had an very intense effect and was also very overwhelming. It had very strong teen drama vibes.

Once one season reminded me a lot of the OTH vibes and I felt that again in these episodes. And the music was so good and I could say it again and again.

Of course there were certain things I didn't like like the Luddicia misunderstandings, but overall the episodes were very good.

I really love to suffer.

3. Episode 1-2:

Premiere! After half of a year? A somehow very disappointing premiere tbh. It felt a bit like "we have to clear everything up real quick", so it was kinda underwhelming. But the Amias moment at the end gave me joy even though the lightning was bad ahhh.

Episode 2 was a lot more laid back and enjoyable to watch up to a certain point. A beautiful calm before the storm. Even if it came at the end of the episode.

Ludde & Klara won me over. Elias & Amie? No words just butterflies. I knew right away that this was the scene referenced in the podcast that was Yandeh's idea because it was her most beautiful and natural laugh in the whole series. Yandeh and Edvard's chemistry is insane.

4. Episode 5-6:

I don't have much to say. I was so disappointed that I couldn't even write anything down or look up people's thoughts. It was mostly about Klara's use as character I think. The girl feels like a plot device.

The music was still very good. I liked the angsty pining moments between Amie and Elias, they gave me energy. And I liked the moment with Elias and Ludde, because I love their underrated friendship. And I melted when Ludde spoke so well about Amie. (even if that wasn't the point but😝)

I really wanted to see more of their friendship again, but I still liked this caring about each other, talking about each other without being around each other almost as much. I am so glad and relieved that Amie gave him all the rights for second sights. That showed once again how much she has grown.

Many of you have already mentioned this but I also think it's a pity that most of Elias' story happened off screen. It somehow took the depth and tension out of the whole thing. Unfortunately, the storyline didn't touch me much in the end, although I'm very sensitive to that topic. It also confirmed the fear that this storyline should've been introduced earlier. Maybe mid season 2? Idk. But that might have given the whole relationship with Klara even more tragedy.

5. Episode 7-8:

Yes, what can I say? Episode 7 was a bad joke. Very messy and very strange pacing. It was very uncomfortable to watch. Jack was a completely unnecessary character. Like what 😕

I honestly didn't even like the Amias scene. The one after the group talk was good! But the last one not really.

Episode 8 was fine again, but these time jumps that started in episode 7 were a little annoying. The moment with Andreas and Ludde was very heartbreaking and after that it was very clear that he would die in the end. I have very mixed feelings about all of this.

The Amie and Elias moment on ice was the cutest. We really deserved that after all the angst!

I still didn't like the episodes. It just lacked that Eagles magic and felt very rushed and like you had to get every issue off the plate really quickly.

In the long run it wasn't a bad choice tbh because episodes 9-10 did so well because all those topics were done somehow. But still ...

I am still really mad that Andreas had to die. Maybe I'm misunderstanding something, but did we really need that? Did Ludde need this? And why not earlier?

Wasn't fan of the music choice too.

Special mentions:

• The Samuelsson/Condé family badass moment was a hit!

• Klara and Ludde bonding over their loss was expected but I loved it & I honestly I would have shipped them if it wasn't the last season. Her asking him out for prom in front of the whole family was such a powerful and perfect scene I will never forget. Obviously platonic but could've been more! I still ate it up!

• Throughout the whole season Klara saying nothing but also so much. Especially when she was always looking at the painting of her dad. Touching.

• The Kroon siblings bond and the development since season 1 was beautiful.

• Klara and Omar looked hot next to each other but still not giving at all.

• I know that I ignored so many things like Klara & the company or Felicia ... I love them but I didn't care at all about those plots. Or more like they made me stop caring for those plots.

• But I am happy that she stayed sober and wants to become nurse. Helping people is really her thing. The one thing I love about Felicia the most is her big heart and how consistent that part of her was throughout the whole show.

• And is Naima dead or something? Because Felicia's choice of words was very weird? 😕

• Petra & Matts will definitely hook up sometime.

• Elias & Amie deserved more moments, same goes for Amie & Felicia and the whole group in general.

• Amie & Felicia sisters in law! Will always be in each other's life! Don't forget that!

• Happy about Amie & Klara's friendship too! She was a really bad friend in season 1 it is what it is!

All in all the season was an intense roller coaster. Sometimes I felt anger, pain, joy, excitement and so much more. That's what I love the most about film. Eagles really got me. We watched them grow up through their flaws & mistakes and forming very unique and life lasting bonds. They had such a huge impact in each other's life and I think this was portrayed extremely good.

Sure the season/show could've done better in so many points but at the end of the day it's an amazing & emotional show that taught me so many things. And I love everything about it even the messy things I love to complain about. I could really rewatch it the every day. (I did this with season 3 lmao 😭) It's my comfort show.

#YES I WAS TOO LAZY TO RATE THEM ONE BY ONE SO WHAT #🤣🤣#eagles svt #svt eagles #IM SO SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH #its really bad for me...

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aphrodisians · 3 years ago

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◜ choi yerim , ciswoman , twenty . ◞ ┈ through her all - seeing crystal ball, [ 𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳 ] has her winking eye trained on hestia jones. the ever - enigmatic fifth year is infamous for her righteous ways, but something new seems to be weighing our resident au courant down. a rumor is spreading through these ancient halls like fiendfyre, & even their erudite face can't save them from the flames. she can try to drown out their sorrows to the tune of goddess, but xana can't fix everything ⏤ much less something as grim as [ 𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳 ]. but ten points to ravenclaw for trying.

hey besties <3 i’m cc & i’m super excited 2 be here! i’m writing your local hater, hestia jones, who i’ve actually never written before but i’m really excited for her. anywhomstdve, i’d love to plot w all of you & i’m ecstatic for this!

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.⠀ ⠀

an accidental crack of a book spine that echoes throughout an otherwise silent library, never letting anything pass you by – never letting yourself be unaware, unwelcome surprises that you greet with flushed cheeks and clenched fists, a collection of skirts stolen from a mother that has seemed to have forgotten you, bruises forming next to the scrapes on almost - broken knees, passing tears off as just ‘my eyes are sweating’ & heavy, heavy, bags underneath eyes that just never seem to sleep.

⠀ ﹟𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲

birth name. jeong hyun - ae nickname(s) / alias(es). hestia jones. preferred name. hestia jones, only hyun - ae to family + very close friends age + dob. twenty + dec. 23 hometown. belfast, ireland blood status. half - blood house. ravenclaw activities. fifth year prefect, ravenclaw chaser, chess + duelling label. au courant – aware of what is going on; well informed ethnicity. korean nationality. irish gender. cis woman pronouns. she + her face claim. choi yerim

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝.⠀ ⠀

height. five feet, seven inches / 170cm tattoos. none piercings. earlobes only scars. a two cm line that lays horizontally above her left eyebrow from falling off her broomstick during her third year at hogwarts hair. never dyed, meticulously taken care of but rarely styled. naturally falls straight and is often left down eyes. round and dark, accompanied often by dark bags underneath and an absence of makeup usual expression. stressed. just like, if you look at her you can tell she’s going through it ( and has been for like the past three years ),,, she needs a break but she will not be getting one <3 distinguishing features. cheeks that always seem to be flushed a rosy hue of pink, bags underneath her eyes that are haphazardly covered with fake glasses or makeup, brown - hued hair that just always falls correctly

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀

( + ) positive. erudite, bluestocking, intuitive, heedful ( - ) negative. righteous, hubristic, zealous, moralistic natal chart. triple capricorn, pour one out mbti. istj - a, investigator moral alignment. neutral good godly parent. athena languages spoken. korean + english likes. quiet - the kind of quiet that comes only in the early hours of the morning + in restricted access zones where it’s close to silence ( but not quite ), victory in all forms, feeling appreciated tbh, sleeping but genuinely hasn’t gotten a good night of sleep in years, the color yellow, scarves that are long enough to wrap her entire head <3, being a hater dislikes. attention ( though she is overjoyed / obsessed with winning ), losing - a notoriously sore loser, being out of control in any situation - even if she can have no humanly control over it, nail polish ( because she bites her nails :/ ), actually reading i’ll be honest, staircases quirks. as mentioned above, bites her nails often, doodles when stressed ( which is all the time ) - is halfway decent at it too thanks to all of the practice, can fall asleep in two seconds if given the opportunity, taps her foot a lot hobbies. being a hater, being obnoxious enough to have attention ( aka dramatic ) n then having the audacity to complain about the stress

⠀ ﹟𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫

when he meets your mother, he tells you it’s like the world stopped turning. she was enchanting, he says, like a rose blooming in the dead of winter, a blossom of red among a blanket of white - and he swears that he has never loved anyone more. their romance is swift, a bouquet of flowers traded for an engagement ring and a passionate kiss exchanged for the start of a family. your father never says anything bad about your mother, raising you on his own with a faint line on his ring finger. she will be back soon, he says with glazed eyes and love-flushed cheeks that you seem to inherit. she will come back soon, he tucks you in with a faraway look on his features and you realize with a ceiling full of glow-in-the-dark stars that he isn’t okay. but, you hold his hand when crossing the streets with you leading and you let him dawdle about your mother and you pat the top of his head when he falls asleep waiting for your mother. she’ll be back, he says, unaware that she only visits when he’s not around. she will come back soon, he waits for her, a stranger in his own body.

you yearn for control the way your peers yearn for freedom. freedom, you have enough of, but everything in your life is just out of reach. for your entire childhood, you grasp at everything and nothing, your fingers brushing past the things you desire most. you are a young girl with magic in your blood, but you watch from the end of your driveway as life seems to spin so wildly out of control. your father isn’t okay, but you don’t understand why. your mother comes around wearing guilt like one wears a birthmark and you can’t fathom why. you are left alone on playgrounds and with scrapes on your knees and people whisper about you but you don’t understand why. life goes on with or without you, and you think it unacceptable. it’s infuriating being in the backseat, unable to control, unable to know. when a letter falls into your hands, you swear to use it to your advantage. you refuse to ever be in the dark again.

you arrive on your own, a year older than your peers, a sheltered girl from a muggle world and you look around, determined to change your life. it’s obvious to anyone early on that you’re a bright girl, ambition tied into your intelligence, potential pouring over every single one of your edges. for a while, it comes easily. you know things, you understand things; most of all, you learn how terribly things can go wrong. you swear to never let that happen to you, but of course, life has bigger plans for you. the first few years fly by quick and your hands build up a reputation that you’re eager to upkeep. you wipe the sweat off of your palms onto your skirts, you might use magic to make sure your hair always looks good, you always know the latest news, you always pass your classes. then, you go home during your third year to an empty house and your father is gone.

when you return after the winter holidays, it’s obvious that something is - wrong, but you do your thing and you pretend everything is okay. your mother in all of her magic and love writes you a letter, telling you that you’ll be in her care and that only stresses you out more, giving you gray hair and bags underneath your eyes that never seem to away from that point on. every blink is heavier now, every sliver of information repeated as least three more times, everything you learn adds a little more weight to your shoulders. but you soldier on. you become more and more high strung, more sharp, more wretched with stress that shouldn’t be yours to shoulder. you are still an intelligent girl, still a bright witch, still gleaming with potential; but you almost permanently look like you’ve been handled an impossible task and worse, you wear your flushed cheeks almost as your father did, a fact that you dislike whenever you see yourself in the mirror.

⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ has a relatively tough exterior, but wow, words hurt and hestia is a lot more sensitive than she cares to admit. say one off thing about her and she’ll be all “i can’t stand it here!” and storm off angrily, but she’s really just gonna go cry in the owlery and talk to the owls as if they can understand her through her snot bubbles.

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ is this genius of a witch, right, but is the messiest person ever. her area in her dorm is just . . . yeah, it’s messy. she comes to the library, throws seven books down, loses ten pages of notes; is disorganized and completely messy, but at least she always looks put together.

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ coming right off of the last one, because she cares most about her image + her reputation than she does anything else, mostly because it’s all that she thinks she has. so, yeah, she may be consistently stressed out and on the brink of a breakdown, but at least she looks GOOD.

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ her style is a little . . . amateur, if i’m being honest. very season one rachel berry. always looks in uniform even if she’s out of uniform and it’s because she has no personality than being a ravenclaw prefect idk what you want me to tell you. she has never been normal once.

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ i laugh and kid, but she’s genuinely a genius. might have a bit of dyslexia, but is just,,, a smart kid. also makes it her entire personality though, so i’m not sure what to do about that.

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ also, not to be That Girl that’s so quirk n clumsy, but hestia is always injured. not gravely, but a scrape on her knee, a cut on her cheek, tape around her fingers, etc. etc. she’s a problem, to say the least, and always hastily takes care of herself ( aka, cleans it, leaves it ).

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in general, is a hater, but is so STRESSED from having a #missing father that she’s just like :| in every situation. i wouldn’t call her awkward per se, but she definitely just says what she wants when she wants cause there’s “no point in quieting myself for someone’s comfort” idk?

�� ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in MY canon, hestia actually conjures up a fox patronus, but it’s non corporeal for now simply because she literally cannot focus long enough to cast the charm correctly – in fact, a lot of her magic has been suffering for the past few years due to her stress, something that really only stresses her out more rip in pieces.

⠀ ﹟𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

academic rival: personally, i’d love for someone who’s just naturally good at academia to be her rival, like the person who doesn’t study and “doesn’t care” but always just manages to beat her in scores; yeah, i think that’d be fun to watch her spontaneously combust.

significant annoyance: someone who really just is the person to tell hestia she’s wound up too tight all the time and tries to get her to live her life, but she just sees them as someone who’s ANNOYING HER because maybe her entire life is being uptight, ever think of that? rabastan

quidditch rival: because quidditch is really the only time she lets her hair down per se, this rivalry is more friendly than it is serious like the academic rival, but there’s still a lot of trash talk involved and meet ups in the corridors to talk shit <3

best friend: the one person who she’s like . . . super grateful for because they’re always there, no matter what she goes through or does to them through her stress induced breakdowns. you know. they’re bffs and always eat together and spend time together n gossip together. eloise

tutee: someone that either hestia’s offered to help or has been forced to help, either way, she’s as strict as any professor and takes her job completely seriously. as in, will approach them in the great hall and ask if they’ve done the work they’re supposed to do.

stress reliever: imagine this - hestia comes up to your muse and is like we need to talk, but they just find a nice seat underneath one of the archways and talk into the night, they make hestia laugh, hestia makes them laugh, they have flushed cheeks by the end of it and she doesn’t speak to them otherwise. xenophilius

their biggest anti: ur muse’s #1 hater??? hestia jones <3 why? probably because they’re better than she is and she’s a nightmare of a person so it’s just her being their biggest anti, probably runs a hate account dedicated toward them tbh <3 rodolphus

The Ex: you know. the ex. didn’t end the way they wanted it to so there’s A Lot There. longing glances, awkward bumps, lots of what-ifs . . . a lot of sad headcanons, a lot of wholesome headcanons. yeah

like family: just someone who hestia is so comfortable with that it feels like they’re family. and by family, i mean like the kind to tackle her on sight just for fun, the sort to tease her and make everyone believe it’s her birthday. you know?

also a barely filled tag here n anything u can possibly brainstorm i’d love <3 thank u love u

#ww.intro #SORRY THIS IS REALLY LONG NOBODY LOOP #LOOK*

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