#also i rarely post here but i feel bad for my Tumblr chat to not have anything so here

[rifari2037]

Yeah they probably have you on a harass list or something. I know antis got a hate group chat on Twitter. At least that's what I've heard. It's kinda pathetic that they spend all their time harassing Zutara shippers. You're allowed to ship what you want (with a few exceptions).

I hope they don't, but I think I should be prepared for that. I know what happened on Twitter, more or less. They can twist words just to make Zutara shippers look bad and wrong. That's why I don't talk about Zutara much there.

Actually, the reason I talk about Zutara on Tumblr is because I feel more safe here, tags are very helpful. Some antis might come to me, but I consider they just want to exchange opinions. Not all of my opinions are right, I'm human, I can make mistake. That's why, as long as there are no insults or threats me personally, I respect their opinions.

My Tumblr is also more focused on the show, especially Zutara. I very rarely talk about antis personally (except maybe the toxic ones). They can have fun with their ship, I also never comment on their posts and bother them (unless they comment on pro-Zutara posts).

Stay away from them is my way of shipping Zutara peacefully

[rozalega]

I have nothing to post what the sigma....

[pawsometoons]

Edit: PLEASE LOOK AT, READ, AND REBLOG THE LINKED POST FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE

I know I usually don't post about stuff like this. But I'm spreading this over to Tumblr to make absolutely sure that everyone in the NiGHTS and Balan fandoms here know this information

I was a victim of Elfie's a while back last year. Both me and a close friend were victims.

At the time, neither of us knew things were this bad. But now I'm releived to know this information is out there and that server is gone for good. And hopefully, nobody will fall for her manipulation again.

CaptainElfie is also on tumblr. Make sure your steer clear of her and block her if you can.

I feel like, since I'm sharing this, I should also share me and my friend's part of the story

My friend doesnt have tumblr, but she is on Twitter (vibripple)

This was an incident from last year, but it's affected both of us pretty harshly. Especially Vib. Not to say we hadnt had a few questionable ordeals in the past. But I'm just going to explain what I can remember, since some of the information I've repressed for the sake of my mental stability.

For the small things, there were plenty of times where me and Vib didnt feel comfortable or safe in the server. Especially with us both being sex repulsed asexuals. Some of this behavior would be from other members of the server, which would never be pointed out or taken care of. And some of this behavior, Elfie had shown herself. Of course, she attempted to show that she cared about mine and Vib's boundaries. But she simply wasnt trying hard enough, since some other members still were pretty icky. Even in VRChat meetings too. Another thing being, both me and Vib had noticed, Elfie never acted very mature at all. She rarely ever took responsibility or tried to act civil in problematic situations.

And then theres the incident that was in the nail in the coffin for us both. It was just after the Monay vs. Fame vs. Love SPLATFEST in Splatoon 3. Both me and Vib were present in it, confident that we would win. Up until the end where Team Money won. Both me and Vib were devastated. Especially since we both associated the splatfest with a comfort character. And seeing we lost, it felt like we let said character down. Especially me. And though, of course, we were aware that yes it's a fictional character, but that didn't stop us from being upset. But elfie took things too far when she took an already bad day and made it absolutely worse. Elfie saw our behavior that day and our massive disappointment in the splatfest results and had the audacity to pull us both into a group chat with another member and act "worried" about our behavior. Again, we were just very upset at the loss of a splatfest that we were positive we were gonna win in, and again, associated with a comfort character. End of story. Or at least we wished it was. Then Elfie went even further to accuse both me AND Vib of being parasocial because of our behavior towards not only the splatfest, but our comfort characters too. Now, Vib has this thing, where she really likes Reala. I have this thing where I really like Judgement Boy. I call Judgement Boy my son, she calls Reala her bff. We BOTH are completely aware that they are both fictional characters and arent real, as much as we wish they were. And yet, here was Elfie, "worrying" about us like we're those tiktok teens who believe in quantum jumping or whatever it's called. We are both grown adults with of course one or two mental disabilities at best. But we are not that mentally ill. During this time, me and Vib could barely speak. We were both having straight up panic attacks on call may I mind you. And Elfie has the gall to try and force us onto VRChat to speak to her about this. In which neither of us had the energy or mental capacity to do at the time because, again, we were both having fully blown panic attacks. Both me and Vib have some pretty bad trauma when it comes to being confronted about things that arent true about us or thing we never even did. What makes this worse, is that I can say for almost everybody in that server, that they've had comfort characters aswell. HELL, there was one member who's status said things about being in love with Reala. Now I'm not against fictional crushes, or those who have F/Os and such. But for me and Vib, we had nothing close to that! Or at least not to that extent. Especially since Vib didnt even have a fictional crush on her comfort character. She saw Reala as a best friend. But again, being fully aware that Reala is a fictional character. So it was basically on the same lines, just not in the exact same way. And THAT user never got called out for it! THEY never got put on the spot in a private gc and being told they're parasocial for it! And all while this was happening, one of my partners, bless his soul, went out of his way to speak to Elfie for us. Which is when we found out that Elfie didnt care as much about us as we thought she did. She claimed that she didnt like our behavior despite us being some of the more normal users in that server, and even had the audacity to call some of our other close friends that we even had invited into the VRChat group gatherings as annoying. It was a whole mess that I regret having one of my partners get involved with, but I am forever grateful for him to have gotten that information for us. So after that incident, we began slowly distancing ourselves from the group and the server. Slowly started blocking people, leaving and blocking the vrchat group, and soon after, blocking Elfie and leaving the server for good.

Things didn't stop right away though. We still kept in touch with a few users who remained in the server, but at least accepted our decision to leave. Some have even stated that Elfie and some of the others "missed us" or "hoped we were okay" which neither of us believed for a second. Elfie herself even tried to pull in one of our close friends who she had as I stated prior, called him annoying. As he states, she said something along the lines of not knowing when she called him annoying and wanted him to join her server. In which, yeah, he didn't fall for that either.

Most of the other members of that server probably don't even know what happened that day. But if you're seeing this and remember us from that server.. well.. now you do.

But I do wish for everyone else who was in this situation aswell to heal. Their experiences should have to be heard too and not just mine. So many more people were hurt by Elfie than just me and you all should listen to them too.

[erenyeagerssgf]

streamer!silver wolf as your gf

♡ characters: silver wolf

♡ contains: gn!reader, established relationship, fluff, hcs, not proofread

♡ a/n: this inspired me to write again after a long time. i love silver wolf sm and i don't see enough content for her, so here's my piece! requests are closed, but suggestions are welcomed!

silver wolf definitely lives in a house with blade & kafka

they are also probably content creators or something

kafka is kind of her manager because she could care less about pr and sponsors, she just wants to play games!

has a really cool set up (best equipment only) and room but it's messy

always looks for cheats/funny glitches in every game (she gets genuinely amused by it💀)

silver wolf definitely gets so invested with what she's doing that she forgets to eat & drink water when she streams

you've probably encouraged chat to make sure they remind her of water breaks & sometimes you come in with food you've made her

always chewing pink bubblegum tho

silver wolf's membership/special streams are her teaching viewers how to code

i feel like she makes song covers once in a blue moon

she has a nice voice and she knows it, it's just too much work to record the vocals, find an instrumental, and all that!

on another note, she makes u playlists <3

i hc she listens to punk music (punklorde duh) & hyperpop

oh and she def gets u guys matching items! a fur tail keychain (which she attaches to her belt most of the time) & scrunchies/hair accessories

back to streaming, silver wolf's a master at rhythm games (she eats proseka players up)

definitely on leaderboards

hasn't really considered entering a pro gaming tournament, but you encourage her because she's just so good!

silver wolf is a bit hesitant to have you on her streams, but when you are, she LOVES playing games with you

you guys coop stardew valley & are married in game for sure <3

just like she did to the trailblazer, she will force you to pull for characters you probably don't even want

lowkey encourages you to make bad decisions in game, you get so frustrated and she thinks it's sooo funny

she makes up for it though when you're offline

you'll find this really rare item and look at it like ??? when did i get this?

when silver wolf gets tired on stream, she cuddles herself up in the blanket you got her so she could be more comfy <3

her viewers thinks it's so cute omg

she definitely makes fun of the people in chat that are down bad for her, she only wants your affection🙄

as a joke her viewers probs make really "cringy" thirst trap video edits of her (sometimes with you) and she likes to react to them on stream

silver wolf is pretty expressionless most of the time, but she cracks a smile and a few chuckles at the edits, they're too amusing to not laugh at

you've probably saved some edits of her on your phone though👀

randomly goes through your phone one day & is like wtf??? there's a whole album of edits dedicated to me??

actually gets a bit flustered & cuddles with you later <3

omg yk how she likes to pinch cute things? she ALWAYS pinches your cheeks or other parts of your body

ugh i love her <3

unfortunately, i’m giving up the layout i had with the pictures. tumblr just won’t let me format my posts the way i want it to😔 enjoy!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for deleting someone from Facebook?

➕➕➕➕ (< so I know this ask was published and not devoured by Tumblr)

Okay so buckle-up because this was absolutely wild to me and my friends. Full disclaimer first: my friends said I wasn't the asshole. However, I still would like to share this thing here.

Ages and genders ain't important. Heads up for mention of animal abuse and selfharm.

It all started when my partner asked me if it was okay for them to invite a friend to the chatgroup I created for all of our friends in common. I say yes, of course, making friends is always exciting! So their friend, J, joined. J presented themselves and we instantly started to hit it off real good, because we all had a lot in common (specially hobbies and fandoms). It was all good for about a month. J sometimes was absent in the chatgroup, but that was fine, we all had our busy lives and problems.

One day a topic regarding animal abuse was circulating on Facebook and that shit I don't like. I saw people making jokes about it. So I gave a heads up on my Facebook, that if I saw anyone sharing memes about that awful thing, I'd delete them for the time being. I reiterated that in the chatgroup, but my friends told me that wouldn't be a problem because they were also deleting and muting people for that. I ended up deleting like four people I had added, including J.

Now, I didn't consider that a problem, because like J was in the chatgroup. I was (more like I'm) really active in the chatgroup, not that so on Facebook, more of a lurker in there to see things of people I wasn't in direct contact with. I also thought that J wouldn't have a problem because they weren't that active either in their Facebook and was really rare of them to interact with me on Facebook.

After that the chatgroup went silent because we were all busy that day. But like, after one hour or so, J sent a message to the chatgroup tagging me and asking if I deleted them from Facebook. I said "yeah, I did, you shared a meme about this topic and I said both here and on Facebook that I'd delete all people doing that". It all scalated so quickly. J inmediately asked me why only them, and I said that it wasn't only them, I also deleted others... Then they told me why I was comparing them with others, that I was a "piece of shit" (citing their words) for doing so. Then, they left the chatgroup. Me and the others were... perplexed, to say the least.

Short after, a friend who was also a friend of J (not my partner), I'll call them M, said that what I did was wrong because I didn't tell I was going to deleted people. But I did, three times. One on Facebook, the post being the only one I had made for days and it was the first thing people would see if they checked my profile or were in their feed and followed me; and two in the chat, after I posted on Facebook and the clarification to J. Then M said that J was not that much on Facebook, which is exactly why I also said I was going to deleted people on the chat. M stopped responding at that for a couple of minutes. The others and I tried to relax, chaging to topic to something more cheeeful... Then M sent a screenshot of a post J made on Facebook, that said: "A person I considered a friend deleted me and I feel so bad I started cutting myself again". I and the others were like ????? What the fuck dude, why did you sent that. M said it was so that I knew how J was feeling and... Was M trying to fucking guilt-trip me? I'm still not sure.

Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking that because one of my friends asked exactly that. M said that it wasn't with that intention, that they didn't think I'd come cross as it and apologized, and that they'd talk to J to calm them down. We all said "okay, let's know how it goes".

By that time, my partner was absent in the chat, but usually that's because their low spoons to manage social interaction, and so we still chat privately. So I sent them a private message. They didn't respond, but it was fine, probably busy. Three days passes without hearing from them in private and all the others were worried too. So I asked them what was wrong, in hopes they'd answer. They did, almost right away, that they felt so so sad because of J telling them in private how awful I was for deleting them from Facebook. We talked for hours in a call to set all up.

But man, I was fucking pissed. Not at my partner, but at J. Why the fuck did they have to drag my partner into a problem that was between me and them (if we consider deleting someone from Facebook a problem + J calling me a piece of shit for doing that)?

Hours passed and M sent me a private message. First, they asked about my partner, I said they were fine. But then M dropped the real bomb: asked me if I was willing to talk to J to settle up the things between us. I was still pissed and I said no, not at the moment when they did something awful to my partner. (I still find odd that J could have send me a private message since they did block me and could unblock me, but instead sent M to ask me.) M said "okay, let me know when you feel better". I did, the next day, after talking some more with my partner and they convinced to talk with J. M said "great, I'll let them know and they'll contact you".

A week passed. No message from J. I asked M if something was wrong or what, but they said that no, everything was fine and that J probably forgot and they'd remind J to message me. Another week passed. I was at that point tired, and I let M know. The problem by me was pretty much notexistent and I already moved on and J should do the same if they were not willing to message me and if J message me, I wouldn't respond.

Well, surprise! That same day J created a group and added M, my partner and I to it to finally talk. Why the fuck did they add M and my partner? I don't know. The first thing I did after seeing that was sending a message stating what I told M in private, then I left the group. J then unblocked me and send me five paragraphs of text. I'm gonna be quite honest, I didn't read them at the time. I wasn't willing to talk to then anymore, so I repeated myself as a response to J messages and deleted the conversation.

My other friends then asked me about it and I told them all of this, and said I wasn't the asshole at all, but M had a different opinion and said I was indeed the asshole. My partner also said I wasn't the one. So... AITA?

(Postdata: I probably won't respond to any INFO. This is all the story. What thought process M and J followed I don't know. We did not have any other problems between us, all of this happened started because I deleted J from my Facebook.)

What are these acronyms?

[married-to-a-redhead]

Answers to very frequent questions I get:

(1) Yes, I am actually married to a redhead.

(2) No, she’s not on Tumblr. She dislikes all social media; it’s simply not her thing.

(3) No, I don’t post pictures of her on Tumblr. My wife’s photo is not on Tumblr and never will be.

(4) No, I won’t prove it to you that I am married to a redhead and I have no obligation or desire to do otherwise.

I will also note that I don’t respond to every chat request or tag I receive but I do try. I am sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I don’t have the time to respond to them all. If you really want my attention, please say or send something interesting or clever. A famous quote. An interesting news article or factoid. A bad pun (I love wordplay). Send me a unique beautiful picture. Just saying “Hello” or sending a post without a comment will get no response.

Finally, just because I post something does not mean I am going through it. I may just like the image or the sentiment, there is rarely more to it than that.

Feel free to follow or not. You are more than welcome to follow but ultimately it doesn’t matter to me as I am here to escape the daily grind.

My backup blog in case of termination is @married-to-a-redhead-too

Have a nice day.

[uncle-dusknoir]

SHIT I forgot I should do one of those pinned posts explaining who I am. i mean probably i kinda like the mystery but eh whatever.

im Basil. unovan. she/her. Hex Maniac "curse fanatic" by circumstance.

blog title source - personal curse tracker

I've got Toothpaste, he's a shiny Obstagoon and my baby boy; Thyme, that Dusknoir, my uncle; Jupetta, a Banette, Thyme's Pokemon before he turned into a Dusknoir.

There's also Skorna, the bone Runerigus. She's just a pest.

Deckard, a white-furred Zorua (NOT HISUIAN) i found in my backyard. He's baby

Mint, a Sneasel I got as a gift from a friend of mine 💜 she's very bity

I've also got a new Poryphone named Porypory. it speaks in pink, is very polite.

oh and the 19 shuppet from the halloween party

... And Bluebell! An Alolan Meowth I found in the dumpster in Alola. She's a million years old and the sweetest cat in the world

image of thyme here

image of skorna here

image of toothpaste here (also me)

image of jupetta (mostly toothpaste tho)

image of deckard (and also me)

image of mint (and my arm)

this weird breloom someone let loose outside my house??

> ooc notes under the cut

9/15/23 updated her 'main' image to be more in line with how i draw her

subscribed blogs only dash (I'm really just putting this here for myself but if y'all need it idm)

my other pokeirl blogs are @crossbones-n-skull and @nifuunbakufuun!

join the hex maniac discord server! more info (kinda) in linked tumblr post. if the link is dead lmk ill fix it (discord added a thirty day link cap)

basil's cousin, sage, is over at @sage-the-exorcist (run by my friend, statik!) she currently has him blocked (its not working)

additional facts for my own reference:

skorna speaks in orange.

thyme speaks in green.

porypory speaks in pink.

jupetta, toothpaste, and deckard don't speak through the blog. (however, if given voice through an event, their text will be colored as seen.)

two voice claims that i'm debating (but i take suggestions)

family bibliography (books)

loose timeline

view the blog in chronological order here! (bear in mind there is quite a lot. lol)

Basil is 25 (as of nov 1st 2023!). I'm (the mod) 20.

she lives in the woods around icirrus city, in an old house that she just... took. it was abandoned so what about it its hers now

thyme the dusknoir is her uncle. he did not die naturally.

jupetta the banette was her uncle's, but technically is hers now. she inexplicably knows Teleport.

skorna the runerigus isn't kept to a Pokeball, as she and Basil are literally bound to each other through possession bullshit.

back when thyme was alive, they did a LOT of travelling. she's primarily been to galar and kalos, but have stopped in every region at least once. only place they haven't been to is paldea, and that's because thyme isn't allowed in because he tried to go in the crater

thyme had a TV show.

mun is aromantic, but Basil is bisexual with a female lean

post detailing Basil and Skorna's connection

old ref image, for archival purposes:

if anyone ever wants to plot anything, feel free to dm me! I'm always down, could be fun. I just don't do "in-person" RP on Tumblr- this is strictly a social media site for the character. update- i will rarely do off-rotumblr RP, but it is not going to be frequent. all threads will be completely under readmores

note that, while Basil most likely won't be super active in high-stakes plotlines, i might have her react to some, especially if i find them interesting. she's no main character.

if you want your character to know basil out-of-rotumblr, feel free to DM me here on tumblr! my PMs, unless specified are an ooc-only zone and im always happy to chat about rp.

(however, please keep in mind that i'm really not one for small talk that doesn't have to do with rp; i have too many bad experiences with people befriending me in my PMs and then just offloading trauma. i don't shut the fuck up in discord servers where other people are though lmao.)

on that note, i do have a discord! if you wanna invite me to any servers feel free to pm me about that too!

[chipped-chimera]

Thought I'd do a little bit of a personal update! I'm doing the reorganising thing which is still slow but really motivating - enough that I'm having good energy days where I'm getting more done! I should be able to start work on the new fish tank soon!

More commentary/thoughts/where I'm going creatively below the cut. (It might be a bit heavy, you've been warned - check tags for more info)

EDIT: Fixed Tumblr borking this, now looks like how this WAS SUPPOSED TO oof

So I'm in the process of redoing my entire office just to fit this fish thank (which has now been leak tested so we're good to go), as well as reorganising based on tips I picked up from this book for people with ADHD that I've found massively helpful. Honestly it's been great for helping me just THROW SHIT OUT because while I can have my moments of ruthless detachment and clear inventory my family is very much a 'use/reuse/reappropriate' kind of deal, which while great often gives me hesitation throwing stuff out primarily because of that pressure - especially when I'm stuck living with them. Now I know it's necessary to get everything to a state where it will STAY organised.

It's also let me take inventory of the stupid amount of traditional media art supplies which have been sitting there since high school in near pristine unused condition (we are talking a LOT of very useable acrylic paints here) and get them all organised. After chatting with my psychologist yesterday I've bought more/replacements for things I had to throw out (literally dry as a bone markers) as she literally said she 'very much encouraged' my idea of starting a visual art diary to help process emotions and stuff.

I know over the years my inspiration to do stuff has withered, usually because it's been hammered by bad moods (caused primarily by external forces I could not control on top of my already battered neurology). I know now because of shit in my past that has been largely unresolved, art has never been an outlet for emotions for me because I'm so afraid of taking up space. Despite emotions being a powerful source for art, I rarely draw on them both because I have spent so much time trying not to feel them or hiding them because unfortunately my history is one of a lot of rejection, right down to a very young age where my caregivers should have been way more on the ball. It's helped me acknowledge my way of expressing love and affection is kind of fucked - when I feel close to someone or like them a lot it has the opposite effect where I instinctively want to pull away from them because I'm scared I'm going to 'ruin it', like my life is tainted and by associating with them I'll drag them down somehow. I know it's silly but it's very hard to get past because it's automatic - that was the only way I was guarenteed to get affection, if I was the most borin, biddable, palatable child in existence who caused no problems, even if it meant enduring physical and emotional pain alone. I inherently find it hard to trust people being genuine about liking me as a person because I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop when they realise I'm too much hassle - which unfortunately was the circumstance my relationship ended around so yeah, that did not fucking help. Basically I go from being really comfortable around someone to masking intensely and yeah that is NOT GOOD. I also legit feel the reason I have alexytheimia is because I had to develop a buffer so early in my life just to survive as far as I have.

I'm hoping art journalling will help me process some of those thoughts and feelings and I still want to try and show them, just to show myself they DO have value, they are a valid part of the human experience and they should be allowed to take up space - I do not need to hide them away or cut pieces of myself out to become more 'palateable' to people. So yeah um, I guess there will be some vent art, I don't know if I'll post only to my art blog or here because it's more sketchy shit and I reserve the art blog for finished pieces now ... either way knowing me it's going to be highly metaphorical and symbolic so I don't know how 'triggering' it could be but either way I'll probably tag the absolute shit out of it just to make sure I don't adversely effect someone (yes I am aware of the irony in me saying that as it's basically me trying to 'not ruin' things again but even putting it out there at all is a big enough step - also tags are just basic decency).

So uh ... That's what I've been up to? Also why I've been kind of shit about WIP Wednesday tagging and responding to other tag games (which I am now once again remembering a bunch of that I STILL have sitting in my motifs cause I still wanna do them ; m ;) I think I tend to get something like reverse SAD this time of year, arguably for the same reasons SAD develops - it gets so damn hot that I have the curtains closed in my office (which has the biggest window in the house) all day to keep the heat out. So arguably I have just made 'tiny dark winter' for about two months because I ain't going outside when it's over 30C (aka the temp tomorrow. And the day after THAT. Fuck I hate summer). Just instead of dark and cold it's dark and sweaty - feeling clammy also being a sensory problem for me so all around BAD TIME until the season changes :/

Outside of all that I'm speculating writing a wlw romance in a western setting because I have had on off cowboy rot since forever and I should probably do something with that already. Currently speculative Native American love interest/secondary protagonist with a background that probably touches on maybe the boarding schools and then reconnection with culture. We've had similar stories with our indigenous population in Australia unfortunately (colonialism is a plague) so I can sort of have some understanding but I probably need to hit the books on that one. For any Americans/Canadians reading this if you know some good books, PLEASE send me your references, I really want to make sure I do this right. I reblogged a post a few days ago about how Native Americans are often dehumanised in westerns and they just become part of the landscape, and I really want to push against that. Also do some contrasting against how oppressive western colonial era culture was by comparison to native culture honestly because I feel that would be a really interesting dynamic. Idk when/if stuff with this project will start happening but we'll see.

If you read this far, thanks! It's pretty validating to know people care this much, since it's hard for me to believe people do care a lot of the time because of all the above bullshit. So just so you know, I love you guys 💖 and you get a bonus cat:

Tiny p.s. living with my parents now is very different from when I was a child, I know the people who caused me hurt are long, long gone. They are not the same people anymore - so I am okay! It's still frustrating but more for the reasons of wishing I had my own (bigger) space to live in and put all my stuff and just 'I am a 30 year old extremely supressed lesbian speed running puberty and this environment is not conducive to exploring that' if anything. While I'm out with my Mum I can't like ... talk about that shit lol. So yeah, frustrating but for entirely different reasons. Just clearing that up.

[deck0fcards]

Pinned Post!

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Rossali / She.Her / 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

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I post whatever usually art I've done for others or fanart with the rare OC post and occasional ramble!.

Just like don't be rude and we will probably get along just fine!.

I don't mind chatting with people. Feel free to shoot me a dm/ask or reply to my post!!!

I'm mostly active on other sites and have a bad habit of just disappearing off social media when I get overwhelmed regardless if my issue is online or irl (I'm okey I'll just need a lil break to go touch grass)

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Uhh I don't mind asks about my ocs just don't be like nsfw or smthin

I also don't mind art/fics as long as they aren't nsfw (seriously, the nsfw art of my persona was NOT appreciated or the art of my OC hanging themselves with severed genitals seriously what the fuck.)

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I don't accept unwanted criticism (especially destructive criticism like straight-up saying my art is bad or smthin). If I am looking for advice, I'll ask.

I don't like having to write that since I love advice when I'm ASKING for it. but I've had people straight up laugh at me and say my arts bad and say it's "just criticism."" (It's also only ever here on tumblr it seems)

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Final note!!

I change my username whenever I feel like it or to match my current aesthetic/interest. I don't mind if you call me by an old username or smthin.

(Ex. RazorJaw and Bigwavebeach bc I liked sharks)

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Advertising my Husband @danzaclown

My affair partner @fiona20004

And my grandfather @schizobrainrot

[arthoure]

I guess with twitter falling apart, the logical step is to move back to tumblr, but I struggle with what to even post! 

Twitter is kind of the LinkedIn of game dev, for casual networking and commiserating about the seven hells of the industry, so it made sense for me to be there to make my little jokes and yell about unions. It’s also more mobile-friendly, so I could post cat pics and be on my way without a fuss. And I always used Tumblr more for fandom meta stuff, which isn’t something I really do anymore because being a narrative designer kind of changes how you engage with fandom and meta -- it starts to feel like your day job instead of your fun hobby, at least in some senses, or it uses the same type of brain energy and at the end of work you’re depleted. And it’s weird to be able to see the seams of games, and have a sense of where their budgeting and schedules and tech restraints were, in a way that completely changes your idea of what “good” is or what something “accomplished” and doesn’t always line up with the ideas of other players. It’s not a good or a bad thing, just different. I read books differently now than I used to, too. (Part of this is also about growing older and developing new neural pathways. Weird shit.) It’s interesting to think about how fandom got me into game dev (literally; the first writing sample that got me hired was fe13 fanfic with the names changed -- but also very directly through the support of the friends who read my writing for years ((often making it better with our discussions)) and encouraged me to apply and etc.) and yet game dev is kind of what keeps me from being in fandom (at least deeply). 

So I kind of had two different networks -- the twitter one of friends plus game dev peers, and the tumblr one of friends plus fandom peers, the latter of whom followed me basically for meta/fanfic/the stuff I reblogged. But friends also keep in touch on discord or other messengers, so I often wonder, what do I even post for, and why? All I really want to post about is my life, but that’s not even really a safe thing to do, and also, why do I want to, besides being a little human who likes to leave her little proofs that she was here? Like, would it be interesting to anyone here to know that I work in AAA now and the fam and I are moving to Germany soon? That’s cool news for me, but I can’t say much of anything about my work (and even the things I am allowed to say are dangerous, lmao. Telling the internet who you work for and on what game title always makes you a target. Target is doubled for every underrepresented identity that you have. But that was a LITTLE different for me in my curated twitter bubble because again, it’s more like LinkedIn on the gamedev side, and I have a small audience so my info doesn’t leave my bubble; my bubble is also small on Tumblr but feels more unfamiliar after I’ve been inactive for so long.). AAA can carry a lot more weight in the industry but it really shouldn’t (what some other VOW writers said is true: God works hard, AAA devs work harder, but mobile romance devs work hardest of all) and tbh I don’t give a shit about commercial game size--I chose this company’s offer because its team was really special (severely anti-crunch, pro-labor rights, inclusive, brilliantly skilled in storytelling and technical design and other things I want to learn from them, kind and warm). But some of you might be happy to know that I’ll finally get real health insurance and sick days and vacation time and I can’t just be randomly laid off at any time (something European game devs enjoy that US devs often do not), and it’s a huge weight off my shoulders, because you might remember how I had to struggle with that for several years. Always so much to say but so much fear around saying it. Rare to find the points where you can view your life as Back Then and Right Now in such concrete terms. Is that worth documenting?

TL;DR I want to use social media for personal things and chatting with friends but The Internet at large makes it difficult to do that. I am of course far from the only one who feels this way. That’s just the update on me while I ponder what else to contribute to this blog! I do owe you some cat pics at least.

[cosleia]

I think sometimes about the fact that I am not a “fandom old” even though I am physically old, and what that means.

My online life started in the ’90s with chat rooms and learning to build websites. In the early 2000s I was part of a play-by-post role playing game (kind of a fandom, in that it was based on an anime…it was like writing fic) as well as a single regular fandom for a TV show.

We didn’t call it a fandom, though we may have referred to places as “fan sites”. Our activities mostly took place on individual people’s websites and forums.

I wasn’t familiar with fandoms and found a lot of the community norms and behaviors extremely offputting. There were some pretty gatekeepery people who seemed to be “in charge” of the fandom. I think I only participated in that community for a year.

I was also a member of IRC chat rooms about Star Wars and Robotech for many years. Those weren’t really fandoms; we discussed the media, but we also were just friends who chatted about life and other topics. Once I left the RPG and the TV show fandom, I wasn’t part of anything like fandom again for over a decade.

I spent the interim years in blogging communities and then on Twitter. I maintained my own website and read dozens of webcomics and spent a lot of time reading the news and other things of interest via RSS feeds.

In 2012 some guys decided they hated the idea of women existing on the internet, and so they started doxxing them and driving them out. My Twitter usage dropped considerably because I didn’t want to catch their attention. It was a really uncomfortable, unhappy time for me online. Eventually I remembered my Tumblr account, and I came over here more and more.

Then, in 2014, I became part of a fandom again: the Night Vale fandom.

Other than a few bad actors (kids who I have forgiven, as they were kids), this fandom was pretty great. There were lots of fics and art and headcanoning, and it was a lot of fun. I met some amazing people who are now lifelong friends, including someone I ended up dating for six years. It really just felt like a safe, fun place where I could be myself.

I’d loved Star Wars since I was a teenager, around the same time as the original Thrawn trilogy came out but not caused by that I don’t think. So when The Force Awakens came out I was tentatively excited. I didn’t expect much and I didn’t learn any spoilers, except that I got the impression Han died in it. I didn’t see it until after Christmas, so it had been in the theater for a bit.

It meant more to me than I ever imagined it would to see that lightsaber go to Rey, and from then on I was back in a galaxy far, far away. I ended up joining the kylux fandom in January of 2016, and I’ve been there ever since.

So I really haven’t had the storied fandom past others have. While I had a LiveJournal, I didn’t understand it and rarely used it. I read a few fics on FFN here and there, but I wasn’t a regular to the site.

The move off Tumblr to Twitter was DEVASTATING to me because I’d never gone through something like that before. I didn’t, and still don’t, like the idea of performing fandom for a global audience, which is how Twitter makes me feel. I like little communities of friends sharing things, which is probably why I tend to feel like a fandom old while not actually being one.

Now it looks like Twitter might radically change or just stop working entirely. And there really isn’t a place to go from there. Lots of people hate Tumblr, and the various new social media sites and services that have popped up all have problems. There’s no clear solution, and I hate it. I’m in the interesting position of being very emotionally affected by this, unlike fandom olds who seem to just be very “oh, this again” about it. But I am much older than the other people who are upset. I kind of feel alone.

But! I will just wait and see what happens. I’ll use Tumblr more, continue to use Twitter, and see if something else comes along that actually works for us. Fingers crossed. Hopefully the tired assuredness of the fandom olds will turn out to be correct.

[lieutenantselnia]

Being a little frustrated about myself lately because I'm again feeling like I'm just so bad at expressing myself? What I mean is not the vocabulary and such, but much more like, taking the thoughts and emotions inside my mind and converting them into something to present on the outside. It annoys me that I just (almost) always worry so much, and when I don't it often takes some holding back. And the thing that bothers me the most about it are that I'm unable to express my full emotions especially in regards to my friends, to show them how much I appreciate them and how much they mean to me. I want to be close to people, but I feel like I'm sometimes just so bad at getting or staying close to them, or that I'm unable to give them back the same things that they give me.

I've always been a very softspoken person, both in real life and online. I rarely use keysmashes because I will stare at it, overthinking "does this even look keysmashy enough though", before deleting it again in many cases. I rarely use capslock because I'm afraid to come across as too loud, or agressive, or intruding in a way? I'll think "how many words in capslock are okay and what is too much". I can't help myself but trying to make sure to always express myself in clear, measured words. I take really long to write responses in discord chats or dms because I try to pay attention to my choice of words, and the correct usage of vocabulary and grammar. I often look at how other people express themselves and "mirror" or "copy" the aforementioned aspects I struggle with in the way that they do it, because I don't know how to do it on my own. I'm sometimes scarce with words like "love" or other words of deep appreciation because I don't know what weight they hold to the other person and don't want to step too close to them.

There's also this thing that I sometimes feel like I'm annoying people by just interacting with them in any way, and the point is, even with things that I personally like when others do to me? Like, here on tumblr specifically for example with reblogs, when someone writes something in the tags that they like my art or one of my posts made them happy or made them laugh, and they get all excited about it, I'll start smiling and running little circles in my room because it makes me so happy in return. Yet I sometimes feel that I'm intruding too much into people's lives when I comment something like that and I mean ... Am I just fucking stupid?? Do I really feel that much like an alien that I don't trust myself to project my own emotions onto others (in situation where it's appropriate) and expect them to react and feel in similar ways as I would?

I think I've been able to loosen up a little about it in the past years, but sometimes it's still hard. I think it's because I have an unreasonably high fear of being misunderstood, so I try to express myself in ways that leave as little room for ambiguation as possible, but I feel like it can come at the expense of other things. Even though I know that there's not even a 100% guarantee that this behaviour will even be successful, because misunderstandings can just happen regardless, it's hard to let go of it. "I don't know if this makes sense" is a phrase I use a lot because I feel like I have to excuse myself for not being infallible. Sometimes I just feel locked in my own mind.

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[bwabys-scenarios]

You can ansswer this privately or just delete it’s up to you. I don’t mean to make you feel anxious I just want to share my thoughts that have festered.

I was in your discord around 5 months ago and there was only ever interaction with you and about two other peoples . I love your blog here and the effort you put into everything you write. I just simply didn’t feel welcome there as a member.

I’m also autistic and felt odd and afraid to type. Any message I made In the channels was ignored or given short answers. I saw it with others who were members too. I don’t blame anyone for it I just found it a bit odd and I got the impression others didn’t feel the need to interact there anymore after that.

At that point, why have a discord? Hate to be rude but besides advertising fanfic writing and sharing thoughts, discord is still a social platform at heart that people like to go to interact when they want/can. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with writing for yourself like here on tumblr but I just don’t see much point in opening a discord server if 2-3 people interact, share, and so on Out of like 40 members total.

For that reason I fid privately messaging close mutuals or people via discord to be the best bet for my social battery. It’s low maintenance and low pressure as I don’t hav a super close connection with them and am able to chat privately or call whenever.

I apologize for any mistakes and any potential tone rudeness. It isn’t my intention to make you or anyone feel bad or to stress. I only wanted to share my thoughts on that matter and I truly to wish you the best.

The simple answer is that if you’ve been in my discord at all, you know that there are only so many active people. Me, Bug, Ella, and recently two more people. I interact with people when I’m online/able, and most of the time those people simply aren’t active at all.

I mean since the START of my server people have barely interacted with me despite my various attempts to schedule games, try to figure out people’s timezones to make communication easier, etc.

Now I put in less effort because I’m not going to keep pushing and pushing when I get no reply/answer. My discord exists so I can find people I click with AND for other people to find people they click with! It’s not supposed to be just me, others have found friends that AREN’T ME!

And I mentioned in my last post that interacting with people one on one is hard for me, so a place like discord where I can talk to people freely is better! And there’s no guarantee my mutuals will want to be in a smaller, more intimate group chat together with people they don’t know.

A discord is much more public and open feeling, at least for me. It’s so much easier to interact with others in that very specific way. The only people I DIRECTLY message are Bug, my friend Faith, and occasionally my other two online friends I’ve been with for a few years.

I’m just not the type that likes one on one conversations, they make me anxious unless I click with the person really well/I’ve known them for a long time. Even with Bug, who helps me write Fixer Upper, we rarely dm each other unless it’s about fanfiction. And that’s fine with me! I prefer speaking in vc!

My discord is for people to post their stuff, to make friends, and talk about fanfiction. It’s not my fault when people are inactive/only want to interact with me and get discouraged when I’m not able to give everyone my full attention.

And also around that time my sister moved in with us during the latter stages of her pregnancy, so I was very busy with helping her, and came to discord to escape, so I wasn’t super focused on interacting with everyone. If you come there now I’m much more active because she’s moving out and I can get some time to myself.

Most of the people who join my server never speak once. Idk how I’m supposed to interact with people that are never active. Everyone who talks in my server usually gets a reply or answer from me, but unless it’s something I’m really interested in/relevant to the conversation I’m probably not going to give a lengthy answer.

I feel like I’m making excuses when I really shouldn’t have to, I can interact with whoever I feel like and people aren’t entitled to my company or time just because they join my discord. Will the chance be higher that I’ll interact? Yes, because that’s my preferred method of communication. But is it guaranteed? Nope!

Basically, I do things the way I do them because they work for ME and make ME comfortable! It’s okay if you don’t completely understand, because every person is different. This is the way I do things. This allows me to interact with other people without feeling anxious. It’s not a perfect method but it works for me.

I’m also literally terrified of people misinterpreting what I say, and struggle to respond to people in fear what I say won’t be what’s socially correct. You may see me start typing and stop. The short replies are also because I often don’t know what to say or how to respond in ways that are “correct”.

I have a feeling I know who this is, and if you’re still in the discord by the time I post this, maybe reach out to me.

Anyways I’m gonna go work on writing. Hope this answers your question.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Mutual Reassurance

Way back in my early days of blogging, J and I were chatting via text in the space between me reading to our son, and being sure our son was asleep to start our own bedtime routine, as we do nearly every night. Sometimes the texts are light and flirty, sometimes they’re silly, sometimes they are matter-of-fact, ��Here is what our week/tomorrow/plan for some future event looks like,’ type of messages. That night’s was different. 

J: I saw you reblogged this:  "How your partner reacts to your sadness and things that bother you, should tell you all you need to know about how long the relationship should last.“  Do you feel I don’t react well?

I was surprised, not that he was reviewing my tumblr posts (I’ve pretty much always posted mostly only for myself and J, and he knows that…which I suppose is why he questioned that reblog), but that he felt like he was doing poorly as my partner. “How could he even ask that?” I thought to myself. We had an amazing date night that Saturday. One of the most intense we’ve ever had, certainly the most intense we’ve had since we’ve become parents and weren’t out of town alone. I experienced some drop the day between the date and the reblog that worried him, and J didn’t feel well himself, plus our son was home from the sitters’, so neither of us probably got the level of aftercare we’d have both liked to receive after such an intense evening together. He knew I felt anxious on and off all day, and as usual, since I knew he didn’t feel well, I tried to self-soothe as much as I could to keep from burdening him. But he’d apparently felt ‘wrong’ or inadequate or something, not managing my anxiety properly and that reblog (which wasn’t for him) prompted him to ask for reassurance (which is extremely rare for J). 

I think sometimes, as submissives, particularly when our dominants are such strong, steady people usually, we forget that they have insecurities too (I am certainly guilty of this myself). Their insecurities are just different from ours. J worries when I have bad days that he’s failing me; that he’s not taking care of me well. I try very hard every day to make sure J knows I don’t take him for granted, and how grateful and lucky I feel to be his, because it honestly fulfills internal needs of *mine* to show him this appreciation. But it’s very important to remember that our dominants are human, and they are going to need the occasional ‘extra’ just like we do. 

Me (in response to J’s text about my reblog): I’m way less anxious with you than I am with any other people. I reblogged that because it’s true. And young girls looking for good men like you read my blog now. 

When I came downstairs for bed, J cuddled me a little more…a little longer…a little closer…a little tighter than he usually does. It helped my anxiety a lot, but I really hope it also helped ease his. Sometimes, dominants need reassurance too. 

I wrote that ^^^^ a long time ago. But I know the past few weeks/last couple months that have been hard on me have also been hard on J for this reason. He feels responsible for me, for our family, and when things aren’t going well, he owns that, even when it’s totally out of his control. He’s given me a whole lot of reassurance in the past 6 weeks or so. I hope I’m reciprocating that by reassuring him when he needs it, because he does so very rarely ask. I know he hurts when I hurt though. And when our son hurts. And this past few weeks have been filled with a lot of hurting. I’m so grateful to have J and I hope I can be as much a comfort to him during the hard times. I especially hope I’m not creating the hard times.

[fuwushiguro]

I just looked at a bunch of the responses from @decayish’s survey and I... lmfao.

It’s really brutal. It’s brutal to read some of the hateful things that apply to me and I’m sure a lot of other writers here. It’s also weirdly validating to see that a lot of people are too fucking lazy to reblog and appreciate writers how they deserve, it’s almost confirmation that my writing isn’t shit and no one likes the content I’m putting out. It’s just laziness.

My relationship with Tumblr has gone so downhill since last year. Last summer was probably when I last enjoyed it here. I have taken many hiatus’ and left with no intention of coming back a few times. 

The reason I do keep coming back is because Tumblr is very addictive. 

I gaslight myself into thinking “it’s not that bad” and then I feel shit again. This hasn’t been as much the case recently because I genuinely have stopped caring. Do I feel shit about lack of interaction and validation on my writing? Sure. It would upset anyone, I think. But I’ve learnt to not care.

I don’t feel like I used to when I used to log into Tumblr. I’d be excited to chat with friends, share my writing, and see what people have to say.

Now, I feel like I’ve turned into something I’m not. A content machine. I write. I post. I move on. I appreciate when I do get sweet asks, reblogs and comments, obviously. But it’s so rare. So few and far between that I’ve come to terms with not expecting it. 

I used to be able to churn writing out. I’d write a 15k monster in a day and be proud. Now I struggle to get to 1k. I write, now, because of patreon. Seeing that people care about my writing enough to pay for it is incredible motivation which has helped me to stop caring about interaction. 

But even then, I feel under immense pressure to write. I didn’t write for a little while and I lost a bunch of patrons. I was so mentally ill, suicidal etc. and couldn’t bear the thought of writing. Not that I’m blaming anyone for deleting their pledges, but it’s made me feel like I’m not allowed to take a break even if I’m desperate for one. 

Seeing how many people will only read a fic if smut is included is very fucked up I won’t lie. There is a horrendous relationship with explicit content and porn here where people won’t even entertain an incredibly well thought out and beautifully written fic if there’s no smut involved. I have so many writing ideas that don’t include smut. I only write smut because I know that’s all most people here care about. It’s sad. Really fucking sad. 

There are so many beautiful and talented writers here that are suffering. Suffering with their blogs, personal lives, existence. Tumblr used to be such a cool place. A place where people could post what they want, write what they want, and spread love. It’s just not like that anymore. There is no life on my dashboard. It’s incredibly dead and I miss how it used to be.

The lack of gratitude and appreciation on this site is just outright terrible. Please support us. Reblog our works. Comment on fics. Send asks. Make your favourite writers feel appreciated and seen. Valued. Because so many of us don’t.

I imagined a large problem with this is that there’s so many fic writers you think we are disposable. If one of us leaves you can run to another. But there might come a day where every single one of us quits writing for good. And then you’ll be so sorry that you didn’t give a few minutes of your time to show your gratitude to us writers. We aren’t disposable. Each and every one of us has a unique voice. Unique ideas. A unique way of storytelling and expressing ourselves. Thirty people can get the same prompt and still wind up producing thirty different pieces of writing. 

Some of the responses I saw on the server were just truly wretched. People being cruel about people’s writing choices. The way they write. The way they run their blogs and the content they post. These blogs are for fun. For freedom and expression.

Learn to be kind. We are people behind these screens. There is flesh and bone typing on the keys of keyboards to make the works you claim to love so much. But not enough to show us enough love.

Please, if you care about us at all, show us you care before it’s too late.