#also i have severe anxiety though so the ''what if you just haven't found the right person'' thing haunts me

[pa-pa-plasma]

growing up ace/aro is so funny because you spend all your time thinking that just being able to acknowledge someone is conventionally attractive or "hot" is sexual or romantic attraction & then one day someone hits you with the "I would actually date/have sex with this person & would change my behaviour/life to do so" & you're like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt???

[sylusjinwoon]

{ 155 }

follow you.

jinwoo sung x fem.reader

{ i will follow you way down wherever you may go | i'll follow you way down to your deepest low | i'll always be around wherever life takes you | you know i'll follow you... }

anonymous said: Is it possible to have a scenario with Jinwoo where f.reader is dealing with a co-worker in his 50s at work who makes her uncomfortable by making inappropriate remarks in his conversations with her and never respects her personal space, she isn't scared of him but he makes her anxious and nervous at his sight for 7 months straight...and she doesn't tell Jinwoo until he starts noticing that she spaces out more often lost in her thoughts. (Its a true event that happened to me at my work and I hope you can write a comforting scenario for it😮‍💨 also eager to see more of protective Jinwoo 😏)

lately, you found yourself dreading the thought of going to work.

you were a young woman who was a regular civilian in this world filled with hunters, gates, and monsters. ever since these strange gates began to appear all across the world, thousands of people awakened with this unique ability to combat against these threats-

your boyfriend being one of these well known hunters.

however, you were not one of those special humans that had awakened with these abilities.

which was why you worked a regular office job in the midst of the city. and your job was by no means too difficult-

however, there was just one tiny issue with your workplace-

and that came in the form of your highly persistent coworker.

he was a balding man that appeared to be in his mid-50s named ryung. the moment your assigned cubicle was directly next to him, the man made it his life's mission to constantly flirt with you. in between breaks, he would find you and proceed to talk to you, all while placing lingering touches against your arm or shoulder.

"you're so beautiful, hehe."

"you say you have a boyfriend, but i don't believe he's serious about you. hell, if i were 30 years younger, i would have snatched you up and put a ring on that pretty little finger of yours!"

"damn, your ass looks fine in that skirt..."

hearing such constant remarks was enough to make you shudder.

despite the many times you told him you had a boyfriend (that also worked as a powerful hunter!), the man refused to back off. and the fact that this had been going on for nearly 7 months now made it so much worse for you.

now, you were filled with anxiety when ryung casually saunters up to your cubicle. even during the times where you purposely ignored him, the man would simply proceed to linger outside of your cubicle, forcing you to listen to his heavy breathing and crazed mutterings, only walking away when the sounds of your other coworkers approaching forces him to make his retreat.

you thought about turning in your letter of resignation several times, but always decided against it, since this was a good job that paid well-

and you didn't want your boyfriend to do all the heavy lifting when it came to your shared finances.

being so caught up with your thoughts, you couldn't even touch the breakfast your boyfriend had made for you, making him frown in response. he calls out your name several times, but you remain completely unresponsive to him.

"sarang." he calls out your nickname while brushing the ice cold glass of orange juice against your cheek. the sudden, icy sensation felt against your skin successfully manages to break you out of your thoughts, forcing to face your boyfriend's concerned gaze.

"jinwoo... what is it?"

jinwoo sighs before running a hand through his hair, placing the glass of orange juice back on the table. "i was asking you if you were okay for several minutes now, and you just recently responded to me. is something bothering you? i noticed that you haven't been yourself lately... ever since you started your job at that company."

you shift around uncomfortably in your seat, feeling as though you were being interrogated by jinwoo.

"it's nothing, jin. just-"

"bullshit it's nothing."

jinwoo then casually sits back in his seat with his arms crossed, his voice coming out as strained as he was clearly trying to control his anger.

"has ryung been bothering you again?"

your mouth goes dry, meeting jinwoo's gaze with wide eyes.

"h-how did you know about that?"

a smirk paints his handsome features. "have you forgotten just who your lover is?"

ah, that's right... he was the shadow monarch. he probably placed a bunch of his soldiers within your shadow and saw what was going on through their eyes.

"i could always have bellion rip through him for you?" jinwoo asks you while letting out a series of rich chuckles, but you were only half-certain that he was simply joking.

"n-no, you don't need to go that far. ryung is harmless... but a nuisance."

jinwoo hums before gesturing at your plate of breakfast. "come on, go ahead and finish eating. i'm going to take you to work."

"oh, you don't need to, jinwoo-"

"sarang, please, i insist."

with his voice dripping with a saccharine sweetness, you could no longer deny him. letting out a sigh, you give him a nod before returning your attention back to the delicious breakfast jinwoo had prepared for you.

you spend the next thirty minutes making small talk with your boyfriend, setting up plans for the upcoming weekend while being filled with an eagerness for the end of the week. once you finished eating and jinwoo had washed all the plates did he grab his keys. smoothing out your blouse and skirt, you grab your own briefcase while walking out the door with jinwoo.

throughout the whole drive to your workplace, jinwoo holds on to your hand while keeping his other hand on the steering wheel. during every stop light, he brings the back of your hand up against his lips, giving it a sweet kiss while basking in your joyful giggles.

soon enough, jinwoo arrives and parks in front of your office building, unbuckling his seat belt before heading out to open the door for you. seeing him smiling down at you, you give him his hand and allow him to walk with you into the building.

upon entering your workplace, several people recognized jinwoo and immediately greet him (all while trying to hold back their awe). your boyfriend keeps his hand on yours, simply returning their greetings with a smile before escorting you to the elevators.

the ride to the twentieth floor was filled with eager giggles and soft kisses, and you quickly felt your anxieties melt away. a few seconds later, the elevator doors slide open as you and jinwoo walked into the floor where you usually worked.

but instead of allowing you to enter your cubicle, he places a hand behind your back, leading you directly towards ryung's office space.

as if sensing you, the older man looks away from his computer screen, raspy voice calling out your name in an almost possessive manner when he faces you-

only to let out a desperate gasp when jinwoo uses his powers to lift ryung off the ground.

"ack!"

"jinwoo!"

but jinwoo ignores your sudden cries of his name, eyes glowing a bright purple hue as he continues to lift ryung mid-air with his telekinesis. choked sounds were heard coming from the man, and your mind was spinning, becoming filled with a sudden panic-

you didn't want jinwoo to get in trouble because of this man!

"if you continue to flirt with my lover so shamelessly like that ever again, i'll kill you."

within seconds, jinwoo releases his invisible grip on ryung, causing the older man to land on his knees for him. he was coughing, with tears filling his vision as the fear was evident in his eyes. completely ignoring ryung, jinwoo turns his attention back to you all while giving you a sweet smile.

"come, i'll take you back to your cubicle, sarang."

you give jinwoo an exasperated sigh, running your hips against his all while whispering to him, "you're insane, using your powers on him like that...?!"

"so what? i put the fear of the shadow monarch into him. there's no way he would dare to flirt with you now."

as if on cue, you hear ryung let out a whimper while pretending to type something on his computer. you shake your head at jinwoo, but still accept his kiss when he leans down toward you.

only after he was satisfied with your kiss did jinwoo pull away from you. "call me when you're done with your shift, and i'll pick you up."

you give him one last nod, watching as jinwoo leaves your office before deciding to login to your own computer, ready to start your day with a confident smile on your face, secretly grateful for jinwoo's intervention as you were certain ryung would leave you alone now.

{ ... }

the next morning, when you came into work and saw that ryung's cubicle was completely emptied of his belongings, confirming your coworker's mention of his sudden resignation-

that was when you let out a relieved sigh while giggling slightly.

perhaps you would need to treat jinwoo to something nice after all.

a.n. - hhhhh more double updates because i love jinwoo soooo much! 😭

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

[ciaomarie]

Part 3: What Then?

This was supposed to be a three part series, but it will probably be 4 or 5 parts. Sydcarmy is a tangled mess of intense care interlaced with anxiety and denial. So they need HELP from their friends and family along the way! Here's a convo with Natalie and Carmen. It takes place just a few days after he found out that he'd made Sydney's best meal ever. Then he inadvertently confessed she's the best part of his day and his heart's dearest wish...j/k, but not really ;)

On a brisk Monday afternoon Carmen rang the bell at Pete and Natalie's home. The doorbell's speaker answered back, with Natalie's hurried voice. "It's open Bear! Just come up to the nursery." He entered their home noting the new family photos hanging on the wall leading up the stairs. They were black and white shots with Pete and Nat walking into the hospital, the next just after Baby Angeline was placed in Natalie's arms, another with Pete and the baby, one shot of her curled bitty toes, and the last was all three of them in the hospital bed. Pete had hired a hospital photographer and as antithetical as that was to anyone with an ounce of Berzatto blood, Natalie let him do it. The result was so unexpectedly tender and beautiful that he paused on the stairs to soak it in. Pete is really a good guy. He was made from an entirely different mold than any man Carmy had grown up around. "Carm?!" Natalie called. "Coming." He turned into the nursery to find Natalie bundling up "Angie" and fastening her into one of those baby slings. Then with one fluid motion before he could speak, she slipped the sling over his shoulders. "Okay, Uncle she's yours!" "So, how does this work?" he asked, looking down at his tiny niece, his eyes as big as beach balls. Angie blinked back at him extremely unbothered.

Natalie rolled her eyes and chortled.

"It's already working. It's fool-proof! Okay, let me get my coat and we'll head out." They strolled down the older suburb's tree-lined streets past others pushing babies, walking dogs, and the occasional Amazon delivery truck. "Carmy, this is really nice and you're welcome to drop by anytime, but what did you want to talk about?" Natalie enquired. He had texted her the other night asking to discuss something important. He kept his eyes on Angie's blissful little face, swallowed, and began. "I'd like to split my share of the restaurant with Syd. She's put in so much work, took several months without pay, and even though I'm the EC she's the main developer of at least half of the menu and the weekly specials. When I was sick recently, she ran the place like a pro. She deserves it. Also, I think if I give her a financial stake she'll stay for at least 5 years. We need that. What do you think?"

Natalie contemplated him for a moment. "Well, part of me agrees and the other part...Carmy, please don't get defensive." "Nat. How can I not when you’ve said that?" "Is this a solely a business decision? Because if it isn't I don't think you need to or should do this to keep her. " Carmy stopped walking, his face falling with frustration and shame. "Have you been talking to Richie?" Natalie stopped and took his arm in hers. "No, I haven't. Look, sorry. What I meant is things are so good between you two." They resumed walking. "Yeah, and that's a problem?" "Not at all. The way you are together...maybe it's the hormones but I've cried sometimes because you are just yourself with her. I've never seen you smile so much with anyone else. Your freakin’ posture is more relaxed when she comes in the room. I could go on, Bear." "You see all that? What about-what about her? Am I any good for her?" he asked in a low, wistful tone. Natalie pulled his arm tighter. She paused, to choose her words carefully. She and Camry were no strangers to family interference in their love lives. "Well, I haven't known Sydney that long, but she tends to spiral, and she pushes through until she's sick or lashes out. Kinda like you do. I noticed that it’s gotten better though. Since we opened, you've been consistently checking in with her, collaborating with her, encouraging her, making her take breaks, and pouring time into her. She's far less doubtful; she believes in herself."

Carm nodded slowly, reflecting on Sydney's growth. "Well, she deserves that. I promised her that she wasn’t alone in this. My focus was not where it should’ve have been during the reno and Friends and Family.”

He exhaled heavily and went on.  

“So, it sounds like she lights up my life and for her, I'm a good boss or even her big brother."

Natalie shook her head, smirking.

" Yeah, you’re a great boss now, but little sisters don't look at their brothers the way Sydney does you. Do you remember when we were all talking in my office and you spilled hot coffee on your shirt? You peeled it off and the poor girl looked at you, as your sister it pains me say this, like she wanted to jump you. When you left to get a clean shirt, she didn't remember what she had been saying." " What!?!? Okay...." Carm scoffed trying and failing to suppress a huge smile. "Also, does she ever leave before 11 instead of sitting in those greasy whites with you every single night for how long? One to two hours!?" She continued. "My point is if you want to divide your share with her because it's good business and fair, and I agree it is, then let me do it too so we're even. Otherwise, I think you’re already three-quarters of the way there with her. She doesn't need to be bought."

They walked in silence for a few minutes. "Natalie, I understand, but I still want to split my share. I think it’s the right thing to do. You don't need split yours though." "First I don't want the largest share of the restaurant and second.... Pete and I may move to be near his parents next year." Natalie bit her lip and glanced at Carmy worry etched in her brow.

"We think it would be good for Angie. You know, to be close to her grandparents and she'd have young cousins nearby too." Carm squeezed her arm, missing her already. "Yeah, I met them at the wedding. They were...Pete’s parents for sure. Angie would have a normal set of grandparents around." Natalie took a deep breath, a gamut of emotions crossing her face. "Choosing Pete was the biggest act of rebellion of my life. I honestly felt repulsed by him at first, until I realized that he was real, and I didn't have to be on guard all the time. Angeline should have that from the start." She bent over to kiss her baby's head which was protected from the cool air by a lilac-colored beanie. "Sydney's a really good choice too. Businesswise and/or otherwise. So, if you're certain about this call Uncle Cicero. This won't change anything with our loan repayment, but his lawyer could help draft a contract. Then we'll ask Sydney if she wants to accept and if she refuses...just give her one of those Sydney-land stares of yours."

Carmy groaned. "You did talk to Richie!"

Natalie erupted into a storm of giggles. Carmen dropped her arm.

"Look, he started it. I told him to chill, but that Sydney-land thing...You have an season pass, bro! It’s very cute though.”

Next time on "What Then?"- Sydney's workversary (work anniversary)

[factual-fantasy]

22 ASKS!! :DD THANK YOU!! :} 🎉🎂🎉

GASPPP!! :DDD I'D LOVE TO!! :}} 💖💖

I've actually been thinking a lot about Louis and his story lately! Though, since drawing is rather taxing on me atm I haven't gotten around to making him a character study post.. Like I did for Cuttlefish.. BUT!! I have still made some story bits for him anyways! :DD 👇👇

I had this idea that he used to be an ordinary flavored cookie of some kind. And he used to live on land as this washed up fisherman that was really down on his luck.. he had lost his job, his home, his arm.. he had no friends.. no family.. nothing. He was really lost and alone..

Its around that time he was somehow welcomed aboard Seafoam's ship. It was just Seafoam, Octo and Ellie at the time. Louis found great comfort and security with this crew. He had never felt more welcome and wanted in his life.. This environment started to break down Louis' anxieties and depression overtime. Slowly turning him into the more jolly and boisterous Louis the crew knows him as today.

But things would take a seemingly bad turn when a curse befell Louis. Turning him into this half cookie, half crab beast. Louis' body had changed significantly, the biggest change being his huge crab arm. Now, most cookies would consider this ghastly new form to be what its intended to be. A curse.. But Louis.. actually didn't mind the changes. In fact, he liked his new body. Quite a lot! And though his new crab arm did cause him quite a bit of aches and pains.. and also took away his ability to swim.. he honestly considered it an upgrade!

Where before he had a missing arm and was completely useless in combat.. now he had this huge intimidating claw in its place! With his new found strength and power, he was a force to be reckoned with! Not only that, but he didn't see his new body as ugly, he thought he looked AWESOME! So he also got a major confidence boost too!

In present day, Louis is a confident, sociable, and all around happy person. And he gives all the credit to Seafoam and his crew for his new found zest for life! :}} ✨🦀💖✨

Anyways-- thank you for taking interest in Louis! :DD rn drawing is rather challenging for me, but I hope to draw him again someday soon! Maybe I can go back and make him his own character study post like I wanted to! 👀👀

I KNOWWW WAAAAAAA 😭😭😭💖💖💖💔💔💖

@pink088

XD Bibi would probably use it to make a cold glass or water for me🥺💖

And hey, thanks for the cake! :DD No doubt Cici will devour it XDD (Bibi allows it)

I suppose if I really wanted to I could learn how. But I don't want to turn my hobby into a job..

I made my first post on December 19th, 2018!! :00 That's roughly 4-5 years or so!

I use FireAlpaca! And I use a xp-pen 13.3 pro tablet ✨✨

As for that Undyne and Papyrus post.. The story behind it is, that Papyrus is from a different timeline. And in his original timeline.. Undyne is dead.. Now, this other Undyne knows that her Papyrus, the "real" Papyrus, is somewhere else in the underground. So this Papyrus is an imposter. She questions this imposter. "Who are you, and why do you look like Papyrus?" She waits for this imposter to answer.. But Papyrus has no words.. since his Undyne died, he hasn't heard her voice in a very long time... he's too shocked to speak..

I DO have a YouTube channel, and I was intending to make animations for it... but I lost my drive. Animations get stolen A LOT. And Animations take a ton of time to make. I was discouraged.. why would I spend so much time on something, if its more likely to be stolen?

Though I have been thinking about making sketch animatic memes... maybe once my health improves I could try to make one-

And hey! Don't worry about my arms, I can make several whether I'm feeling good or bad! :D

AND AAA THANK YOU!! :DD I'm glad you like him and noticed his eye details!! :}}}

(Post in question)

XDD Jangles is chaotic enough to sleep hanging upside down tho lets be real-

@yourstrulylightstar283 (In response to this post)

:DD Bibi gives his thanks!

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson (In response to this post)

XDD I know right?? Another year has already come and gone, its crazy to think about! :00

And don't worry, I've been focusing all my energy on taking care of myself and drinking lots of water! 👍👍

Awe! Thank you so much!! :DD Right now the main thing I'm battling is my poor mental and physical health.. but I have high hopes that things will improve soon! :)))

@the-woomyverse (Post in question)

:DD Thank you! I'm glad you liked them!! :}}

As for Ludwig and Morton, unfortunately they don't have a lot of story built yet.. but I'm working on it! <:D

Ludwig is intended to be the eldest sibling, and heir to the throne. He's the "Prince of the Koopas". That post shows Ludwig seeming nervous.. and unsure. I'm experimenting with Ludwig taking his role as heir very seriously.. but its stressful. He feels like he's under a lot of pressure and has a loooot of responsibility to look forward to..

Though I'm kind'a going back on that a bit. The canon Ludwig seems pompous and a bit arrogant. Maybe I should keep some of that but in a positive way? I imagine that Bowser wouldn't force Ludwig to do this if he didn't want to. And I imagine that Kamek would have done very well to prepare Ludwig for his future kingly-hood.

What I mean by this is. I think a more.. confident, and level headed version of Ludwig would be appropriate. Rather than a pompous snob or a nervous wreck. He could be a young prince with a lot of wit and discipline. A price that is bound to make a fine king. 👑

For Morton I'm afraid there's even less story built for him 😭💔💔 Right now the main thing I'm experimenting with is Morton having some form of melanism. (Its a mutation where animals are born with excess pigment in their skin. Making their fur/hair/skin very dark/black when it otherwise would not have been.)

I could experiment with Morton not liking this aspect of himself..? Maybe it makes him feel out of place or insecure..? Though I doubt any of the individuals around him would have judged him or treated him differently at all for it.. even his siblings.

Idk, I just need some more time to think about him I suppose! <XDD Sorry!! 😭😭

Thank you!! :DD

@untitled-7613 (Post in question)

Thank you! :DD I'm glad you like them!! :}}

And Jimmy was a lovely gift, though I didn't create him! The factual fam is mostly intended to be made of characters that I can take credit for-

(Note- Jimmy was a nice gift, but please! I stand by only wanting comments <:} 💖💖)

@tallchest13-blog

Dawww, as far as I'm concerned, you've followed me twice! At least in spirit! XD

@couchwow

Hergn... but that takes efforttt... how about you tell me what you like about it first? :0

@neo-metalscottic

No problem!! :D And I wonder that about K Rool. I didn't actually realize that he would be very similar to Bowser.. hmm. Well, I'm thinking that even if he is close to Bowser in size, Bowser's got him beat by his fire breathing ability XDD And King/Big Koopa's overall could just be a tougher species-

As for the Super Stars, they have about the same status as the 1-Up Mushrooms. They are this extremely rare Power up that seems to only show up when its needed.

I've been experimenting with the toad people worshiping 1-Ups and the Delfino people worshiping Super Stars. These bizarre and wonderous powerups that are strongly tied to the prophecy and what not. They're also related to how Peach and Daisy became royalty..

Its a lot of complicated word spaghetti atm but the point I'm getting at- is that there is definitely more than one! And they are so powerful and so.. seemingly sentient, that they are seen as almost.. like.. these holy beings that bring about future events.

I haven't rambled about all that biz yet becuase I cant find proper words to figure out what I'm even thinking <XD Gonna need some more time on that one!--

And yes yes yes! The Commander is still around, and AWWW!! Is he really?? :DD That's so sweet! Thank you so much!! :}} I haven't thought much about what role he's played in raising the Koopalings, though I really should. While he isn't there to actually help raise them, he's always been around as they've grown up. Whether it be following Kamek around or doing some kind of work around the palace.

When it comes to Bowser returning injured.. I wonder. part of me thinks that he wouldn't return right away, so maybe his injury wasn't seen by the Commander. But the news of his defeat would certainly be bone chilling. Commander would be more tense around the palace. And probably extends his night watches a bit longer in an attempt to better protect the Koopalings..

On the last note, Yes! I do plan to redesign him once again XD or at least update him a little- Though drawing is very challenging for me atm.. so that'll have to wait a while!.. <XDD

@littlelightfish

WAAAA THIS ASK GAVE ME LIFFFEEEE!!😭😭💖💖💖 NO ITS NOT TOO INTENSE THE ONLY THING THAT IS INTENSE IS MY PURE JOY AT READING THIS OVER AND OVER WAAAHG THANK YOU SO MUVHCHH!!!💖💖💖💖😭😭💖💖

As for your questions! <XD --I've been thinking more about Tuna's character over the past few days and this got me thinking even more! :D

I imagined that when Tuna started out he was a real brat. Not super great to be around. He had some bottled up stuff for sure and was real rebellious and resistant to authority figures. Nobody was really willing to deal with his crap and always pushed back, which just made him more bratty.. for a while Seafoam wasn't sure what he was gonna do with this kid..

But then he reached some kind of middle ground with Ellie.

I have several ideas in mind for how this could go.. but I'll ramble about this one first- XDD

Ellie has thick skin and could tolerate the snarky remarks he made. She also didn't push back, even through she very easily could have. She knows that this kid has some serious inner battles and he doesn't need her snapping back at him.

And like some of the things you mentioned, it started out with Tuna just bumming around in the kitchen. Since Ellie could tolerate him she never kicked him out. Making the kitchen kind'a like a space where he could.. "get away" from the rest of the crew, in a sense..

Ellie was the first person to crack that outer shell of his. Providing him a consistent source of comfort, with her food and the quiet kitchen.

After some time the snarky remarks or comments would slow down.. over time he just resorts to standing around and watching her cook. Getting closer and closer.. eventually asking questions. "What are ye makin..?" "..what's that do..?" She would always reply genuinely. And as gently as she could considering her usual monotone voice <XD

Eventually it turns into "..where'd you learn to cook?" "..how long have you known Octo..?" "..do you trust Cuttlefish.?"

She could say kind things about the crew which gets Tuna to lighten up around them. "Octo seems mean but actually he's just blah blah blah..." Next time he interacts with Octo he's less tense. "Seafoam is genuinely as kind as he seems. If ye can trust anyone, its him." He starts listening to Seafoam more..

These interactions would continue to develop more and more. I don't know if he'd ever be able to help her cook anything- considering how strict she is about it <XDD But although I have several more ideas for this, I like this idea of Ellie really softening him up over time..

WAAHDH WALL OF TEXT--- Thank you again so much!!! :DD It makes my heart very happy to hear that you love Tuna and Ellie so much!! 🥰🥰

(Sorry for not being able to transfer your cookie gifs to this post! <:0)

Hmm.. that makes me wonder if the cookie run characters have.. cookies. Like, small cookies that THEY eat.

Something tells me they don't.. Which makes me think that seeing someone eat a normal cookie would still be horrifying! <XDD

@mrslilysnow

Awe! Thank you so much! :DD Such a pleasant and wholesome message to read, truly. :}}

I'm working out my feelings with the fandom.. tbh I think I'm just in a place where my emotions are all outa whack. And I'm just avoiding anything and everything that upsets me. 💔

I'm sure in a few weeks when I get my health back on track I'll feel better about the Octonauts fandom. Perhaps I'll even return with more updated designs! XD

@radicalrainbow

:DDD THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad to hear that!! :}}}

And huh.. its been a while since I've drawn the FNAF string beans hasn't it? Once I can get my health back on track I should draw them again! <XDD

@lampylamperson

Blue!💙💙 :DD Specifically shades similar to what ever this one is XDD 👇👇

:000....... FISH! :DD

@canonickero

SLJFKSJF THAT DISCRIPTION OF THE PIC XDDD JHASKDEJHV

And thank you! This makes me feel a lot better XDD

@beryl-shade

I think the cookie run games have cake/dog things..? I'm assuming the crews pet would be one of those :00

As for the names you've suggested, I love Patty, Pretzel, Muffin and Cornbread XDD such great names! :DD

[irritablepoe]

what do other people get wrong about poe?

YES MORE POE QUESTIONS!! :D thank you anon, you're really given me all the excuses to ramble lmao

tbh there are not many people on here that get him wrong, at least i haven't seen much? though ofc there are other websites *looks at tiktok with squinted eyes* that reduce him to being a sugar daddy boytoy, which... i mean it's funny. but it's also not everything that he is obviously, especially bc i don't think poe really has a concept of money tbh? like i think he has ridiculously expensive essential things (i say essential but i mean i don't think a mansion is particularly essential lmao) and he also buys things he considers important to show off his abilities, like for example the manuscript, but looking at the anthology (which isn't canon but lets pretend it is for a sec) he only has limited clothing and other than many other rich people would he doesn't just hire someone to get them for him yk? (he also lets mori pay i think right? lmao) in conclusion - he spends his money, yes, but he's not throwing it out the window (debatable tho, i'd call 20 mil a waste but he can do it ig?), nor does he spend it much on his own needs.

many people also forget that yes, he is whiny, but he is also extremely dangerous! his ability could trap nearly everyone and make them defenseless! even chuuya spends a while in poe's book and he's highly capable and intelligent! ranpo was near giving up! this is extremely important to his character and a severe bruise on his confidence! i think many forget that

he is a skilled snipper, can replace a car engine (bro watched one yt tutorial and rolled with it i'm so sure about this) and ofc he is a detective and a writer that impressed ranpo (and can also write a mystery in around 15-30 minutes) and is ALSO the architect for the guild. so. yeah. he's multi-talented as shit, i think people should appreciate that more

also (this list is never gonna end lol) i think people mistake his anxiety in social settings for being shy and i just.. don't think he is shy per se? he's quite boastful when it comes to his writing and his ability that comes with it and on the perfect crime trio case he had no problem at all speaking in public and even with the police. i mean an anxious person that would be worried about how he was perceived he would be worried that he'd be found out to be a criminal which he IS, but he just is so sure of himself that he's left no traces that he's just like "*shrug* yeah that happened, anyway, how are you officer? :D" not quite like that ofc but yk i just think he's more anxious in the way that he hates groups of people bc they overwhelm him quickly in regards to noise and conversation (especially small talk i'd guess) and that he just thinks many people he doesn't take interest in are annoying? that might be a lil controversial opinion tbh but i'll gladly remind you of this panel:

(i couldn't find the official translation help)

tho i also have to say that he calls himself shy here so could be both idk:

hm, yeah i think that's it for now. in relations to ranpo i don't like how people sugarcoat them a lot tbh, i know i've said it before but this really bugs me, like yes they're getting along quite well but i wouldn't call their relationship healthy at all? at least not yet, though i can see that it could work very well eventually. i think poe is doing all these things gladly for ranpo but ranpo has to open up way more and tell poe that he appreciates him, like please, this man is so down bad for you. also pls communicate so that poe doesn't lose himself in his obsession, this can't be healthy come onnn, bro has isolated himself for yearssss

yep, i think that's it, ty anon!!!! <33

[sweetfirebird]

My mother and I just had a long conversation about disaster prep and trauma and experience. (She also lived through one of the big fires and evacuations here in recent years. Then went up to Oregon and got caught in their blizzard and long mass power outage in Portland last winter.) And I mentioned how annoying I found it when people teased me for having stuff to help with disasters around as though I haven't been through several major evacuations and fires and floods in the past several years, most of them on my own, and without a big budget or space to store proper backup supplies or anything--not to mention increasingly extreme weather that also needs to be dealt with on a budget. I suppose from the outside it does look like I am letting my known anxiety issues get the better of me but also... everything I keep around or plan for is based on... you know... actual horrible things that have happened in this area and will likely happen again.

Which is why the comments irk me so much. My brother loved to tease me about them but when he was also caught in Portland's long power outage after the blizzard, he could have used some of the shit I keep around. (And now his husband is like, I am going to buy a big generator and more power blocks and all that. Which is good. Good for them. But that is also the kind of stuff you get when you have money and own a home, which I do not. So I am glad they will have them but also maybe back up off me about my weird little makeshift disaster kits.)

Anyway, my number one thing I will tell anyone who asks about disaster stuff to keep in your home is... get a battery powered radio and keep good batteries around. When communications go down and power goes out, you will need a connection to the outside world for information about what to do and what to expect but also.... it is terrifying to suddenly have no contact with the world beyond your street. You are gonna want that radio. Do not count on your cell phone.

[the-morningstar-family]

If you do asthma testing, pack her favourite plushie and maybe a nice blanket to cuddle her with afterwards. It's often very exhausting and draining, and that might help her cope a little easier!

Lucifer and Nova go to a doctor the next day, right after breakfast. Nova is visibly reluctant. But it's a necessary evil. He would know.

But the suggested items did indeed help. Some paper and pens for the in-between test times and it wasn't too bad.

Not a pleasant experience by any means but far less scary too her.

Now they're sitting in the doctor's office, awaiting the results.

Doctor: “I can say with fair certainty that Nova does indeed seem to have asthma. Though it seems it's not too severe, thankfully.”

Lucifer: “Ah- okay, right. So what do we have to look out for?”

Doctor: “Sometimes strenuous activity might cause it, anxiety and stress. It might not always happen, but be prepared just in case. Ah, and something else”

The Doctor shows a picture of Nova's arm during the correlating allergy test. Some squares wher emade on her arm, on it possible allergens poached. All spots look normal except for one pinkish spot with a small bump.

Doctor: “We haven't found anything she's allergic to, besides mold. Now it certainly can be genetic but it's also possible that it's caused by long exposure to it. Might be the cause of the asthma as well.”

Lucifer thinks back to the dirty apartment she lived in, the bugs and the dirt. And yes the mold.

Lucifer: “... That might not be too far off.”

Nova has been so far quite. Tiredly leaning against Lucifer and listening. She peaks up whispering to Lucifer.

Nova: “What's mold?”

Lucifer: “Oh- uh- Mold is like a tiny plant that can sometimes grow in damp places. Sometimes looks like a spot that keeps getting bigger.”

Nova: “Oh. We had that on our walls”

Lucifer: “Yeah, Hun, I'm sorry”

Nova: “That's bad?”

Lucifer: “It's not something you should be around too often, or it might make you sick”

The girl looks a bit put off, he combs through her hair.

Nova: “I'm sick already, right?”

Lucifer: “... yeah”

The doctor pipes in, seeing Lucifer flailing for a way to explain.

Doctor: “So, like you heard before, you have asthma. This means that sometimes your lungs can get a bit tight, especially if you're around mold. But don’t worry, we have a special medicine that will help your lungs feel better and make it easier for you to breathe, so you can keep doing the things you love.”

Nova: “Is it forever?”

Doctor: “It lessens for some as they grow older. But it more often than not stays, sadly”

Nova: “But you'll make it better?”

Doctor, nodding: "We're going to give you a special inhaler. This is a little device that helps you breathe better if your lungs start feeling tight all of a sudden. If you ever feel like it's hard to breathe, you can use your inhaler, it will help your lungs relax quickly. You’ll need to keep it with you just in case, to make sure you can always breathe easily.”

Lucifer: “Should she take it regularly?”

The doctor shakes his head, placing the device in the king's hand.

Doctor: “If it gets more frequent we might give her regular dosing. But for now, we'll only use emergency inhalers. We're giving her salbutamol. If she has trouble breathing, place this end in her mouth, let her breathe in, hold the breath for ten seconds and exhale.”

Nova: “And if it doesn't help?”

Doctor: “After five minutes, you'll try again. If it doesn't help at all, you go to a doctor. But it'll most likely help”

Lucifer: “Right… thanks Doc”

Doctor: “It's not great to have such a diagnosis, but remember, she can still live a mostly normal life.”

[linmeiwei]

OMG! I recently found your stories and

I'm.

In.

Love.

You've rekindled a fire I haven't felt about P&P variations in a very long time! Yes, there are many good writers, but not very many excellent ones! Your Darcy and Elizabeth, their interactions in all stages are—at least to me—so true to their canon selves, I can easily imagine several parallel universes in which Austen herself might have come up with something like I Dreamt or Betrothed!

Another (very, very) important aspect of their dynamic I absolutely adore in your portrayal of ODC is their sensuality and ardour. It's unlike any other I've read so far, and I'm so grateful for the little scenes of intimacy you've given us— in spite of the position of much of the fandom on sex no less!

(Alas, I am greedy fanfic heaux who was raised in fandoms much hornier than this one, so i cant help but wish for Darcy-centric outtakes for Stranded. Does this exist??? Can it????)

Since I don't yet sound desperate enough, let me ask this: Please tell me you're currently writing a new story? I do realise it takes work and effort and time. Nevertheless, i'm fully committed to being the needy, greedy reader and have therefore no shame in demanding ever more!!

(in reality, of course, I'm beyond thankful for what we have, and can't wait to read all your stories from back to front again and again and again once I've rampaged all the way through, which, at my current speed, should take just another couple of hours, lol 💗💗💗)

Oh wow, thank you so much! It genuinely means so much to me that someone reads what I write, let alone likes it. It's so nice to hear, genuinely, thank you.

Partially, I'm a little flustered reading comments like this, because I write so painfully slowly, and honestly have to go through fifty complete re-writes (as in start from scratch-go again) before I think a story fit to be seen by the eyes of another human being, and even then I'm a bundle of anxiety until the first review comes in. But the fandom has been so forgiving of my many mistakes and so kind in their feedback, and so that really helps me keep going. So, again, thank you!

It does mean that I'm slow with producing more work, though! I do in fact have a completed draft of another novel, that I am now letting rest before I start re-working it again. Which is my long-winded way of saying that, yes, there's something new coming out at some point, but I really don't know when it will be ready (I'm really rather ashamed of how long it's taking me). I have a little toddler and a full time job, which doesn't help, I'm afraid!

Oh and the sex scenes! Yay, I love a good sex scene! I also love horny P&P variations! And I'm so rubbish at writing them, lol! My genuine position on this is that the sex scene comes if it feels right that it should be there (like, in Betrothed it felt right to be more descriptive when it happens, because something fundamental changes for Elizabeth at that point in the narrative, and she breaks the distance between them, purposefully, er, letting him in, so to speak). Stranded was my first novel, so I didn't really know how to do this stuff, so it's coy and full of banter, rather than anything remotely explicit. I hadn't thought about writing any extra scenes for that one, but maybe I will (and if I do, I'll pop it on AO3 for everyone to laugh at :D)!

[elysia-nsimp]

TWST Headcanons!

Hello everyone! I'm starting a new series where I infodump about my headcanons for twst characters. Feel free to request certain characters if I haven't done them already. To start off, here's Jamil Viper! Please ignore the awful quality I swear I tried to fix it

So to start off, what changed physically?

His right eye isn't grey--it's muted green with red in the center. This is the eye his signature spell primarily comes from, which is where the red came from.

he has an eyebrow cut because i have one and its COOL

He has a widow's peak! (That's the point in his hairline, if that term is unfamiliar to you)

He has long, pointed ears. I will elaborate later.

He also has several gold earrings! He has 3 hoops on his other ear.

His tongue is split at the edge. It's not super visible in this card, though.

He also has a tongue piercing, it's a teardrop-shaped Ruby. He takes very good care of it.

Lastly, he has LONG fangs. They poke out of his mouth a little bit.

Elysia, what are these changes for?

Great question! Almost all of these have an explainable reason (except the eyebrow cut and the split tongue thing I just decided he would do that just because), and I'm here to explain them!

So to start off, what is Jamil? In canon, he's a human, pretty simple, but I decided humans are BORING and Jamil deserved to be non-human like the other super cool epic characters like the twins and Malleus (personal opinion alert). In this AU, Jamil is still partially human--mostly human, even--with both his parents being human (mostly), but further up his family tree, there are traces of both gorgon and genie ancestry. How'd he get those in his family tree? Well, long long time ago, an ancestor of Kalim found a lamp that Jafar used to inhabit. As their final wish, they freed the genie. As thanks, the genie decided to stick around and continue to offer help here and there. That genie found a partner out of their lamp, and thus, began the Viper family. Somewhere along the line, one of Jamil's relatives fell in love with a gorgon. Does this mean Jamil can grant wishes? Absolutely not. However, it IS why his family has been serving the Asims for generations.

What new abilities does this grant Jamil?

Honestly, not many changes about him. He isn't even aware he's not fully human, though he has questioned why he looks different than others. Here are a couple things that have been added or changed, though.

He's more inclined to want to help you if you preface whatever you want with "I wish" (he does not even notice this, do not mention it)

He's venomous! If he bites you, it'll paralyze you for about a half an hour, maybe an hour at the worst. He doesn't use this ability much... only if he feels like he or Kalim is in danger or he just REALLY wants someone to shut up.

He reall.y likes lamps.... he has no clue why he just likes lamps

His emotions are slightly easier read, because his ears tilt up or down depending on how he feels and he has zero control over that.

He has a slight lisp that he has spent YEARS training himself out of because of the fangs. It's barely noticeable if you're not listening for it.

Some other headcanons!

These are unrelated to the species change, but still worth mentioning!

Jamil's bisexual, but he was in HEAVY DENIAL for a DAMN long time. He just prefers he/him.

oh boy here's some diagnoses for you: Major clinical depression, anxiety/paranoia (lesser impact), C-PTSD, AUTISM!!!!!!! (he just like me frfr) (also he lives in his mask so it took him a while to figure that out), POTS, assorted other CHRONIC PAIN that hasn't been diagnosed yet

He collects gold jewelry because Kalim used to always want to buy him gold things. Its kind of just become habit to collect anything that looks gold because it was one of the nicer things in his childhood.

He takes EXTREMELY good care of all his jewelry! Especially the tongue gem, since it's the most likely to get infected.

Jamil has joint issues. It's not so substantial that he can't function, but sometimes his arm will pop out of place or ache like all HELL if he overworks himself too much. This is what he uses the arm brace for and why you see him rubbing his arm often. (this is partially based in canon, partially projection because I too am in chronic pain)

mention whipped cream around him and he will go insane (/neg/hj) (based on other RPs he's been in where it's a running gag revolving around him)

He and Najma both don't have great relationships with their parents. Especially after Book 4 and some mandated therapy, Jamil grew bitter of how much his parents pulled him back and made him fear just... talking to Kalim (ofc a lot more went into his blaming of Kalim, but his parents' influence was extremely damaging).

Jamil is extremely overprotective of Najma, even if he acts like she's a major nuisance in his life.

One time he passed out in front of Najma (which made her panic), only for him to sit the fuck back up, walk to the kitchen, and down an entire thing of salt in front of poor Najma's very eyes. She was HORRIFIED, but started laughing once he confirmed he was okay. (This is related to the POTS)

Jamil knows how to pick up fingerprints and has done so on several occasions (mostly to catch Najma after she stole his food)

This is all I can think of off the top of my head. This post may be edited in the future, but for now, thanks for reading my first in-depth headcanon post!!!

[i984]

Signing off...

Hello! I want to start this post by telling you guys something really interesting...

Tl;dr: I'm taking a break for a month due to severe stress and performance anxiety, plus college and work is kicking me in the arse, but do send requests and prompts in because I need to write them FLUFF to get rid of the stress. Love ya!

So a month ago I stumbled upon a really amazing writer here on tumblr dearest, and I immediately fell in love with their work. It was so well written, and I couldn't comprehend the fact that it was the first ever story they've ever written and they wrote it under such circumstances that if I were to be put in their position, I can guarantee I wouldn't even be able to string a coherent sentence.

Anyway, that really got me thinking.

It's been two months since I first started writing, and revisiting old works of mine reveals something along the lines of "I'm not improving," and "I'm not creative."

It's been a problem I seem to notice, is that I struggle a lot with characterization (ESPECIALLY this) and pacing, among other things that makes me view my works mostly as blegh.

I know comparing is probably not the best way to develop, and I wouldn't say I'm envious of people's talents (because it's obvious some people are just so great at stuff lmao) but it's more like I'm disappointed in myself I guess(?)

In the collective 20 works that I've published over the two months, I still can't fully grasp what works and what doesn't with the Fandom, and I can't quite identify nor fix the problems in my writings. Combined with the burn out, this makes writing a very painful process for me even though I really want to enjoy it.

I rely very heavily on external validations and to see that in the midst of the dead Fandom (when compared to when it's at its peak), people can still garner almost 1k notes in the span of a week (and I can see why it's very well loved), posting here just makes me so stressed when I shouldn't even be.

It got so bad to the point I have trouble breathing every time I think about writing, and although now it doesn't happen as often, the performance anxiety is pretty much there.

Work, as well as college too has been a pretty great contributor for my stress and to put writing on top of that is just excruciating for me.

And that's why I'm taking a break!

It'll probably a month break like how I've stated in previous post, because it's become apparent I need rest LMAO

Thank you so much for the support you guys have shown and sent my way, I want to say that I really appreciate it! Honestly I wouldn't get this far without you guys, I love you so much!

I've set some reblogs for other creator's works while I'm gone, because I've been meaning to read but I just haven't found the opportunity for it. People here make such great works <3

If you guys have any requests, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO SEND THEM IN. I know this might feel contradictory but as I pointed out, I'm not really imaginative or creative, and I really want to write things, but most of the time I cant come up with anything or what I think is good isn't what you guys want (I know I still have a bunch of requests sitting around, but like I said I write when inspiration struck me).

So yes, send requests in so that I can do some writing during the break, and hopefully come back with a bunch of requests already done and ready to post!

Also, if you guys make it this far, I've got a surprise for you which is I'm finally trying to work on the series I've been planning to do since January HAHA! We'll have to see where it takes me but right now I have so much ideas running around in my brain and not enough waking hour in the day to develop and write it.

How do you guys feel about lord crime v.s. master detective trope BECAUSE I AM CRAZY ABOUT IT.

I'll see you guys when I do :) Love you! ❤

Special thanks to:

@missmonsters2 and @robiin-buckley for being the people who literally BURNS my heart with the desire and give me the courage to write, I wouldn’t be here without you 🥺💘

@ocyrus for being my first ever anon, I cannot stress how much I owe you <3

@tulipsbymybed for hyping me up when I first started and when I thought my work is a shitshow.

@vorsdanysstuff for being the first person to reblog my stuff and says some very very nice things about it and gave me more confidence to write, and also. For finding me and being the love of my life. I treasure you with my whole being.

@wol-fica for feeding me with cat pictures and being my lovely wife who misses me when I'm gone and makes picrews of us together, I love you so much 💓

@maryannecrimsworth for noticing my username and for loving my blogs questionable aesthetic, and for talking to me about dystopia and being my favorite lil bro!

@cursedchar for being the awkward mutual at first but now we spew chaos every where and every time we talk and interact. Honestly, you bring the wild side in me out to the world. Still hate your angsty stuff tho.

@tundra1029 FOR BEING THE ICON THAT GIVES GOOD ASS AMAZING PROMPTS and being a super lovely person and a great writer, I love you buddy <3

@alexkolax for well. You know me the most out of everyone in this site. My respect and trust for you is through the roof and cannot be expressed with mere words. Thank you for being here, Lex.

@ricosnumber1fan for being there in most of my works. I still think about you and scroll through your comments and reblogs. You're the best (second to sourdough tho).

@theflamboyantshadow for always leaving amazing comments under my posts, you are the sweetest person ever and I really wish you a great fucking life. Love you.

@iamnicodemus for writing that dragon Wednesday fic... and LEAVING THE MOST FLATTERING REBLOGS. ILYSM AND. you always make me smile when I think of you LMAO

@literally everybody else who've single handedly kept me alive and well on this site, I appreciate all your little asks, reblogs, comments, likes, and just UGH my heart aches for every single one of you.

Pray I return soon.

[boonsmoon]

Bonjour,

Je voulais savoir si vous étiez d accord de faire une requete d histoire sur Crimson ( ragna crimson): ce serait reader qui travaille avec Crimson et ressens des sentiments pour lui mais celui-ci reste distant pour le moment avant de devenir jaloux a cause du rapprochement de Ragna envers celle ci ( ils sont juste amis eux deux mais voir crimson jaloux est amusant) et décide d avouer ses sentiments a celle ci a sa façon ^^ ( j espère que j ai su bien expliquer ^^) ( en tout cas j ai adorer toutes vos autres histoires)

Translation:

Hello, I wanted to know if you agreed to do a story request on Crimson (ragna crimson): it would be a reader who works with Crimson and has feelings for him but he remains distant for the moment before becoming jealous because of the Ragna's rapprochement towards this one (the two of them are just friends but seeing Crimson jealous is amusing) and decides to confess his feelings to this one in his own way ^^ (I hope I was able to explain well ^^) (in any case I loved all your other stories)

Yes I'll do it! Yes you explained it well and thank you for loving my stories <3 I'm seeing a severe lack of male reader, so I'm doing that

Request Chungus Masterlist Ragna Crimson Masterlist Crimson x m!reader Genres: Oneshot|Fluff|Romantic

Jealousy Of A Magician

You and Crimson haven't been working together long, about a hundred years or so. You were free spirited and often roamed without a goal, no one to guide you. It was doomed to be this way considering you are part of the Bloodline of Claws.

Joining Crimson was done completely on a whim. It gave you time to burn in this world until you found someone capable of killing you.

What you didn't expect was to develop feelings for the dragon. You never acted on them, though. You didn't think your mental or physical health would be able to take the stress of confession. Crimson was also clearly goal oriented and didn't have time for frivolous things like feelings and a relationship.

The magician, however, felt very strongly towards you. But you couldn't know that, no one could. Crimson needs to stay focused on killing the Dragon God, and he doesn't need to start putting effort into making his subjects view you differently.

That all changed when Ragna started begging to join you two. He was strong, that was obvious, and Crimson knew he would make a useful tool.

But Ragna was also perfect for you, not just as an enemy but a partner as well. With his abilities Ragna could easily kill you, but instead he chose to grow stronger with you instead.

You two got along so easily, bonding over the strength you had compared to peers, never having one place to call home, and especially the social anxiety.

Your close friendship with Ragna started to make Crimson angry, it should be him you're spending time with, not some lowly human! Alas, such emotions can't be shown, not if any progress must be made.

The pressure became too much, however, and Crimson caved into the burning feeling in his chest. He had to tell you something, anything to make you dislike Ragna.

So he did, Ragna was out on a 'mission' with Slime when he came to you, "we need to talk about a few things." Your heart raced immediately.

What could you have done to anger Crimson? "Whatever it was, I apologize! Please, please forgive me." You begged the dragon, you can't handle being thrown out of another 'home.'

"I will forgive you once you bother with that irritating human less," he didn't look angry, but it could be heard in his tone. This was what baffled you, though. Crimson was angry...for interacting with Ragna?

"May I ask why..?" You were curious, this wasn't like the magician at all.

Crimson looked irritated at your question, "I don't need you being in a relationship with a pathetic human! If anything it should be me, not him." You could've swore Crimson was about to throw a fit over this.

While you dare not laugh, you had to cover your smile at the reasoning, "Crimson, I see Ragna as more of a son than a lover. But I accept your sentiment."

"You speak not a word of this to anyone," he said, turning around and walking away in hopes you didn't see the red on his face.

this was fun to write!

hope i translated correctly, i used google for it lol

[indignantlemur]

🌟

OH MY GOODNESS, ANON, I AM SO SORRY! I didn't see a notification about your ask at all! I only found it by clicking on my inbox by mistake! You have my most profound apologies for neglecting you! For this one, I feel like rambing on a bit about Chapter 46!

Spoilers below the cut for folks that haven't caught up to the latest chapter!

Chapter 46 picks up shortly after the end of chapter 45, and is a much more introspective and static chapter than the previous two, which were full of vibrancy, colour, and activity.

For the most part, I wanted this chapter to be about Dagmar and Shral and how they've progressed from the early days - but more importantly, it was an excellent time to address some lingering questions that had been hanging over Dagmar's head for a while now. Dagmar has mentioned that she has a bunch of questions before, but she's never actually managed to find a moment to ask some of them that felt right until now. There is a lingering sense of strong attraction throughout the scene, of giddiness and excitement, but it's balanced with caution and reserve. As much as I had fun writing spicy content for Dagmar and Shral after so long, now wasn't the time for the scene to lean towards that again. This chapter was supposed to be about intimacy without sex.

There's a bizarre and terrifying intensity about letting a new partner undress you for the first time (chapter 45 doesn't quite count), and for some there is a horrible, profound anxiety and sense of vulnerability that comes with that as well. There's a lot of non-verbal checking in, which is just so important, but also there's the way that Shral reaches for her face first above all other options that speaks of a kind of regard that bodes very well for their future. It's very much a deliberate choice on his part.

As the chapter progresses, Dagmar finally asks a very important question, which leads to a much, much overdue conversation between our intrepid heroes. We also see more about the level of insight that Dagmar now has into Shral's character, where before he was still very much a mystery. She's able to puzzle out a lot of his behaviours now, with the help of the bond, but she's also aware that without the fledgling bond she may never have managed. Moreover, Shral is hyperaware of this as well, and was agitated enough about it to conveniently neglect to mention a few small details that provided him with a sense of affirmation without him having to actually ask for it.

“I should have explained at the time,” Shral murmured when she remained quiet, his eyes flicking down and away as his antennae lowered into a posture she hadn’t seen on him before; curled close to his brow in submission. She’d witnessed that positioning before, of course - usually when Thoris was bossing someone around - but never on Shral. Never towards her.  He was behaving as though he expected her to be a lot angrier than she was. The fact that she hadn’t reacted according to his expectations seemed to confuse him.  “I’m not angry. I could have asked then and I didn’t,” Dagmar began slowly, watching Shral carefully as his antennae perked up and he glanced up at her again. The bond seemed to swell with a feeling she struggled to name, but whatever it was it left the impression of disbelief mingled with several other very complicated feelings. It dimmed considerably when she continued, “but I would like to know why you didn’t say anything.”  “Foolishness, mostly,” Shral answered, brutally honest in the quiet of the room, as water dripped and steam curled. “And perhaps a little selfishness.”  That last bit caught Dagmar’s interest. “Selfishness?”  “I knew you didn’t realise what it meant…” A grimace stole over Shral’s features, but he held her gaze and spoke with that same blunt, upfront tone, trailing off abruptly as if he hadn’t figured out how to finish the sentence yet. That alone was unusual. 

For the record, this is not a good behaviour and even Shral recognises that. Dagmar is rightly dismayed by the whole thing. If it had been much more alarming issue being discussed, such as a binding arrangement versus what she flippantly describes as advertising big feelings, she probably would have been justifiably angry about it. The fact that Shral very clearly knows that he was in the wrong both helps his case and hurts it, here. Instead of getting angry, Dagmar takes the time to consider the matter - and her reaction - carefully. This is probably what I love most about Dagmar: she can be reactive under the right circumstances, but she vastly prefers to stop and think things through more often than not. Dagmar tends towards problem-solving over emotional outbursts more often than not, and this conversation is no different.

Instead of choosing the confrontational route, she bypasses it entirely by expressing a gentle, remarkably forgiving sort of disappointment in Shral's choices and proposes an alternate course of action in the future. It's very clear to them both that they need to make an effort to talk more openly at this point.

Not bad! Actually a pretty mature approach to the issue overall! You know, except for the bit where Dagmar conveniently neglects to mention that she's planning on harassing her poor doctor for a basic Andorian sex ed class in a few days, which would explain a lot of her weird behaviours to Shral at that moment.

This is also not ideal behaviour, and in fact rather hypocritical of her. Does Dagmar realise this? No, no she does not.

Shral’s eyes, vividly green and flecked with gold, narrowed shrewdly at her. “Perhaps you should lead by example and elaborate about your experiences with our security checkpoints.” 

Shral, of course, immediately turns the tables of Dagmar using her own words against her, and then we come to The Hair Thing.

Shral is understandably dismayed and displeased to learn that his girlfriend basically let the security officers paw at her hair, which is apparently vastly more important to her culturally than he'd previously been aware of, instead of just asking for him to come vouch for her. Worse, she demeans the value of her customs and culture like it doesn't matter - like she doesn't matter - which is blatantly insulting to both of them, really.

“I see.” Shral sighed, and the bond carried a strange kind of weight across the gap between them. It felt heavy, stifling. “I’d better ask if I’ve overstepped similarly, then.” 

Then there's the dawning horror of realising that he basically did the same thing not an hour ago. Actually, what he did was probably worse. After all, what would Shral know about it? She's as alien to him as he is to her, after all, and if Dagmar says her hair is supposed to be kept up and away from prying eyes for some sort of alien modesty thing, then he's very probably made some kind of horrendous faux pas by yanking on it during sex. Never mind that she pulled his hair, too (and we will discuss Shral's incredibly slutty hair cut some other time) - he's Andorian. It's not the same.

The scene progresses from there, and we learn a little more about the bond as well. By the end of the chapter we get an idea as to how their dynamic has shifted from this single conversation, just a little, to something just a tiny bit stronger than before.

“Are all Humans so adaptable?” Shral wondered with a narrow slash of a smile, shifting in his seat. Dagmar couldn’t imagine he was particularly comfortable on that footstool after so long - it wasn’t exactly designed for comfortable sitting. “Or are you simply determined to surprise me at every turn?”

By the end of the chapter we've learned that Shral is an uptight, emotionally constipated man who dislikes ambiguity in any form and yet also has a very low confidence level where his ability to predict Dagmar is concerned. He thought she'd be angry with him - she wasn't. He thought she'd uncomfortable with the bond and avoid using it - she wasn't and very clearly didn't. Earlier in Chapter 45, he'd most likely expected to be some kind of celibate for months according to some cursory research on her strange, alien customs - she threw that idea out the window immediately. Even in some of their earliest interactions, Shral's simple prediction that Dagmar would dislike vithi on principle, since Humans seemed somewhat averse to especially bitter things, was completely off. At every turn, Shral fails to entirely predict Dagmar. He can make accurate guesses most of the time, but every now and then shejust randomly jukes left when he anticipates her going right, and it's both utterly maddening and terribly interesting.

Whatever else he might feel at the time, Shral is never bored when Dagmar is around.

Alright, that's it! Ramble: completed! Thanks for the ask, anon! <3

[yousaydisco]

cleaning out the drafts (unfinished fic)

I haven't touched this is many months, i reread it and INTESENLY dislike it but as usual it's too long for me to want to throw away

Explicit fic, Harry/Kim, 7k words, features mutual pining, transmasc Harry, jealous Kim, and lots of jerking off/sexual tension. And it is UNFINISHED so to anyone that does read this: I apologize for that ending. It's also unedited.

"Kim," Harry murmurs quietly, lips trying so hard to not break into an overenthusiastic smile. He looks up from where he's kneeling on the ground, shirtless, hands wound tightly behind his back but being held by nothing but himself. He doesn't need anything more than just the knowledge that Kim doesn't want him using his hands. That's a tighter bond than any pair of handcuffs could give him. He's covered in a thin layer of sweat, hairy chest heaving with labored breaths, as Kim stands over him seemingly unaffected. He's fully clothed and at parade rest with the only indication that he's not bored being the pink flush to his ears. Harry, meanwhile, is flushed from his face, down his neck, and even has parts of his chest colored. There is a sizeable tent in the front of his pants that, if Kim was feeling merciful then he would release it from its confines. Those ridiculously tight disco pants can't be comfortable at all in Harry's condition. But, just as easily, he could bring up one of his boots and press.

Harry's still speaking. "Kim? Did you want to grab lunch?" 

Kim blinks. He's sitting at his desk, paperwork and pen in both hands, poised as if he was reading something intently. Harry is standing over to the side and standing with his hands at his sides, rocking playfully between his heels and the tips of his feet. His eyes were shiny and alert, not full of any amount of concern so Kim could tell that he wasn't spaced out for a significant length of time. He probably read as just hyperfocused on his work. 

"Yes, it seems like a good time for a break." By pure habit, he turns his work over so that prying eyes can't see anything as they walk past, even though there is nothing on there that is a secret. Harry lights up and together they walk to the kebab stand placed in the perfect spot to cater to the officers of the Precinct, with nothing else as close or as convenient to grab. Kim lets Harry fill the space with animated conversation and periodically provides a dry quip when needed, but otherwise focuses on remaining reserved. 

This is how it's been in the weeks after Kim transferred to the 41st. An easier transition than he honestly expected, even though they were severely undermanned, overworked, and unappreciated. They eagerly accepted any extra hands they could get, barely waiting for the ink to dry before assigning Kim several cold cases to try and knock out. But more than the work, he's also felt like socially he meshes better than he did with most anyone back at 57. He found himself warming up to everyone there quicker than he could really wrap his head around.

And on top of that, not making it any easier, there's been a lot of fantasies about Harry. 

He hasn't felt this out of control since his teenage years, and just being reminded of those times is enough to be frightening. But it is especially bad practice to be having those thoughts around Harry considering his innate ability to just know things. Not that he can read minds, Kim would never stoop to believing that, but he can't deny that he is intuitive beyond what is normal for most people to know. This is a dangerous game he is playing, he knows. There is no possibility that this won't crash and burn and tank his professional relationship with Harry with it, possibly with everyone else there if the worst of his anxieties speak the truth.

But as they sit on a bench together and Harry starts attacking the kebab in a way that Kim has to question his ignorance of how it looks, he finds that he has accepted the risk of it all.

Besides, he has mastered the art of keeping his face under control. No one could ever look at him and guess the filthy thoughts brewing underneath the surface.

___

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Impossible: failure] - Hmm. 

REACTION SPEED: Again?

LOGIC: [Easy: success] - This is the fifth time in a row. 

Is everything okay up there?

VOLITION: [Medium: failure] - Nothing that you should worry about.

HALF LIGHT: [Medium: success] - Someone is hiding something from us. Someone is lying to us.

But not Kim though, right? 

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Impossible: failure] - It is. . . impossible to tell. I'm sorry. 

HALF LIGHT: TRUST NO ONE!

VOLITION: [Hard: success] - Everyone here is still your brothers in arms. You can trust them with your life. 

INLAND EMPIRE: [Medium: success] - The wind picks up the scent of pine needles. 

SHIVERS: In East Revachol there is a lover left alone. Without his partner. They are youthful, in the throws of new passion still, and convinced that the fire will never burn out. When they reunite at night he will claim that not a single thought crossed his mind unrelated to his partner's body, from their smell, their warmth, and it will be true. When they embrace they will not release until the sun rises tomorrow morning.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Impossible: failure] - Satellite Officer Vicquemare is sitting at his desk, currently.

. . . Yes? 

ESPRIT DE CORPS: - He might enjoy a free kebab. 

EMPATHY [Trivial: success] - He enjoys it as spicy as they come. 

HAND/EYE COORDINATION: [Challenging: success] - You get up from the bench and crumble all your lunch trash before throwing it overhanded into the nearby trashcan. It sinks. 

"Score!" You smile brightly and turn to Kim to make sure that he saw that.

SAVOIR FAIRE: He did! He is looking right at us!

Kim hums. "Good job, detective. Littering is - how would you say it? Not praxis." 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Tell him that skills like that deserve a reward. A post-lunch hump, perhaps. "It looks like you're still hungry, perhaps you could eat me out? Yeah?"

RHETORIC: It'll aid in digestion for you both!

Really?

LOGIC: [Trivial: success] - No.

VOLITION: [Easy: success] - It would not do good to hit on your new partner, for multiple reasons. Not just for the anti-fraternization rules of the C-wing, but also the risk of it hurting you is very high. Even though you've been doing very good lately - 

 ENCYCLOPEDIA: As many as 60% of recovering addicts experience at least one relapse. 

LOGIC: It has been two months since your last one. 

VOLITION: Hiking your ankles above your head and telling Kim to 'chow down' is very likely to result in another night of binge drinking.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: I beg to differ!

"I'm gonna get something for Jean." You point back toward the cart in a completely unneeded gesture and Kim nods, sliding next to you to wait as well when he could have gone back inside to finish up his paperwork. 

EMPATHY: [Easy: success] - He is having a harder time focusing on work today than usual. Giving his brain these extra moments outside, around people and fresh air, will do him good. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Impossible: failure] - Erm. Yeah. . . 

Okay, I'm putting points into you ASAP. 

_____

He keeps his bedroom warm, at the exact temperature that even if he were sleeping naked above the covers, something he isn't akin to do, he would still be comfortable. Never too hot to sweat but warm enough to forget the world outside, at least for the night. He should be asleep. It's late and he has work tomorrow. But instead he's -

Harry whines as he tugs on the silk knots tying him to Kim's metal bedframe. His muscles bulged in the same way that Kim had seen them when he lifted heavy objects and he looked at Kim with pleading eyes, pouting, begging to be touched. He was completely naked, well, except for the love marks dotting all along his neck collarbones. His cock was resting so nicely amongst an unruly forest of pubic hair, red and leaking and begging for Kim. 

Kim is leaning above him, smirking, his face centimeters away from Harry's mouth. Close enough to feel the hot pants as Harry tries in vain to stretch and kiss him, stretching the little bit he can but never getting close enough. "Now now Harrier, don't you want to be good for me?"

Before he could answer Kim pinches one of his nipples, twisting the pink nub between his fingers until it was bright pink and standing at attention, making it so the only thing that comes out of Harry's mouth is more pitiful whines and moans. Kim relents, letting Harry catch his breath. While he waits he admires Harry from his position over him. 

A part of him wishes that he was a little less in control because it would prove useful in moments like this. Harry was perfectly shameless enough to change clothes in the middle of the street back in Martinaise and Kim was composed and polite enough to avoid being caught taking any peaks, even if there was a sincere chance that he could have gotten away with it. But now, in his imagination, he doesn't have a clear picture of what his chest would most accurately look like. He's seen Harry wearing low V-necks or caught a sliver of skin as Harry's shirt would ride up before he hastily tugged it back down, but he doesn't have a full picture. And he desperately wants to know every inch, every scar that he could have seen if he was a bit more daring. But he has to settle for this - an image of a typical chest with curly hair and a smattering of vague scars that he could feasibly have.

"I want to be good for you, Kim." Harry whispers, his voice deep and gravelly and so fucked out even though Kim has only been teasing him so far. You would think that they'd been at this for hours - and maybe they have. That'd be the perfect way to spend his night off: keeping Harry tied up for the entire night, only giving him brief reprieves before attacking his delicate skin again. Make it so he can barely walk the next day. 

In real life Kim has lost all pretense of patience with himself and he's stroking his cock in the exact way that he likes it, so close to the end that he can feel it starting at the base of his spine. 

The fantasy changes. Kim is holding both of Harry's meaty legs as he furiously fucks Harry, wet slaps bouncing off of the walls and no doubt loud enough for his neighbors to hear. And if they can hear that then there's no doubt they can hear Harry unleashing moans and pleads at the top of his lungs, the only words that are recognizable in their shared language being 'please' and 'more' and 'Kim!'. His cock is bobbing between them deliciously and Kim leans forward so that his body sandwiches it between his frame and Harry's, providing friction as he keeps moving at a punishing pace. 

"Oh fuck," Harry moans "Oh Gods, Kim, I'm gonna - I'm - " 

Kim finally leans down to kiss him as both the Harry of his mind and him in real life orgasm in unison. In his head Harry is loud, only barely muffled by Kim's mouth, but Kim just gasps as he finishes into his hand. Before he could fully come down from this high, before he could start to feel the same guilt and shame that has been accompanying the end of every single one of these fantasies, and before he could promise to himself, again, that this would be the last time and he needs to get a hold of himself, his phone rings.

In the empty space of his bedroom Kim lets his thoughts: an agitated groan accompanied by the muttering of 'what is it now?!' before getting up to answer. 

It's not his day off which means that, theoretically, if an emergency happened and there were no other officers available during the night shift then he could be called in. He is a light enough sleeper that he could have kept the phone out in the living area but if it were a true emergency then every second counts. He expected the timber voice of Jules telling him there's been a murder only moments ago and someone needs to be there at the scene, but the voice on the other hand is one much more familiar. 

"Hey," Harry's tired voice says through the crackles of the phone and Kim's insides turn to ice. This is it, this is the moment that Harry has seen too much. For all of his self-restraint he has exhibited for his entire life, he will now be known as just a pervert who lusts after his partner. "I couldn't sleep either." 

"It's the nature of the job, sometimes." Kim murmurs, sounding only tired and not like he - well. He shouldn't even think that with Harry on the phone. 

There's the sound of rustling on the other end, what Kim has learned from enough phone calls with Harry to know that he was nodding along even though they cannot see each other. "I got the uh - the sense that we're about to be called in. Something has happened. I wanted to let you know before." 

A small part of Kim relaxes, though he still is trying to keep his mind on guard. Which is ridiculous, Harry cannot read his mind. He knows that. But still. "Well, thank you for letting me know."

"Of course!" He could practically hear Harry beaming through the phone and, despite himself, there's the warm glow of fondness settling over him. Before Kim could reply with anything, Harry kept speaking. "Why were you - if it's not too personal! You don't have to tell me, but since I was also already awake, what was keeping you up?"

Blame it on the late hour, or his exhaustion, or the fact that he had cum only minutes ago and he had subconsciously stored the little bit of energy he had at the prospect that he was about to be called in, but his mind projected the words 'I was still awake because I was thinking about fucking you. Would you like that?' clear as day before he swiftly shoved it down, repressing it as harshly as he could. 

But it was too late. There was a pause in the conversation and Kim could easily picture Harry's eyes looking off into the distance, glazing over as he convened inside that mind of his, latching onto something that no one else would even catch a hint of. He held his breath. 

Harry let out a groan of disappointment. "I'm not on top of my game lately, there's something I keep missing."

Kim had the fortitude to move the receiver away from his face before breathing a sigh of relief. "We all have off days. The late hour is certainly not helping." 

"No it's not - ah!" Harry gasps right as Kim hears the noise that indicates he has another call coming in. "I'll let you get that. I'm already dressed. Wherever we're going, could you - "

"Yes, I'll come pick you up." Kim lets himself smile softly. "See you soon, detective."

Harry was, however he got the information, correct. Something was indeed happening. A woman had called the emergency line saying that she knows with certainty that her stalker had found her again and that he was going to try something soon. Everyone else was dispatched in various parts of the city which would make it too long of a drive to make it to her place in time. He gets dressed in record time, only with the necessities. 

___

ENCYCLOPEDIA: [Easy: success] - At least 10% of all car accidents every year are caused by exhausted drivers on the road. 

VISUAL CALCULUS: [Medium: success] - If he's tired, no one can tell by how he was driving. You make it to the woman's house at the perfect moment: her stalker is attempting to break down her apartment door with his noodly arms. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: Pathetic. Show him how a real man does it!

The ensuing encounter is nothing special. He's a pathetic wisp of a man that couldn't beat you in a fight even if it were that moment in Martinaise, minutes after waking up for the first time in your life and you failed to catch your horrible tie three times as it spun lazily on the ceiling fan. Well, nothing special to you. The woman is very grateful to not have been murdered.

The only thing that puts any snag in the arrest is when the stalker - having heard you two pull up and knowing his goose was cooked - attempted to run away, resulting in him falling down the stairs and breaking his nose.

"That's going to be more paperwork later." Kim mutters unhappily as he handcuffs the man. Before he could swing him around to push him in the backseat cage of the Kimeena, he spits a mouthful of blood on your shirt. 

SAVOIR FAIRE: [Hard: failure] - EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

COMPOSURE: [Challenging: success] - You do not say that. You instead grimace akin to the way an action movie star - like Bruce Hardstaff, as an example - would. Lip curling up to show only your right canine, eyes looking down at him in disgust. You gruffly say "Ew!" in a much cooler, less whiney way than you really want to. 

You let him stew in the back while you talk to the woman. Kim doesn't join you - despite the Kineema being his precious baby it is still RCM property first and foremost, but that doesn't mean he enjoys the idea of leaving a volatile suspect in the back unsupervised for long. He might start knawing at the leather or something. The woman is eternally grateful, if a bit honest about her not knowing if anyone was going to come quick enough. When you make it back to the front seat and he starts driving to the precinct, the blood on your shirt has seeped through and was sticking uncomfortably to your chest hair. 

PAIN THRESHOLD: And it's not like it hurts or anything - it's just a sensory nightmare. But its a sensory nightmare on top of being bone tired, on top of this being one of your favorite shirts - 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: On top of you seemingly giving up sex along with everything else - 

PAIN THRESHOLD: It's just not helping your mood. Every time the dried blood in the center of your chest tugs at another chest hair you feel that much more overstimulated. In a way, it's painful.

"Good job," Jean grumbles to the both of you. He only got back to the office an hour earlier and he looks drained, dark circles even more pronounced than usual. Despite how tired you feel, you preen a little at his words and he rolls his eyes.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Challenging: success] - He has just come back from performing a field autopsy on the body of a murdered teenager. He's always been uniquely hit when kids are involved, and this one is special. The kid lived in one of the boy's homes in town, though not the one that he grew up in. He had no one, and now he's dead. Jean plans on pulling an all-nighter and passing out on the couch in the break room.

You reach out to his bicep and give it a manly, affectionate squeeze. "You too."

EMPATHY: [Medium: success] - He doesn't react at all, which is already a step up from how he would have reacted if you tried to touch him during the day. As it stands, it's only the three of you in a deserted precinct, he's more lonely than usual, and he sincerely appreciates the little bit of comfort you have attempted to give him.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT): [Hard: failure] - Out of the corner of your eye you see Kim stiffen. He's getting fidgety and would like to go home to his bed.

"Go home, the both of you." Jean says and you break apart. "And don't come in at the start of the shift, we'd like you to have more than three hours of sleep. Come in after lunch. This one time you won't be late."  

You make it until the door of the Kineema closes behind you before you lose it with the damn shirt. 

INTERFACING: [Medium: success] - You unbutton the shirt urgently but not crazily - while saying "I can't stand the fucking feeling anymore - ahhh." Your skin finally stops feeling like it's attacking you now that the stickiness of the shirt has been removed. 

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Trivial: success] - Kim is fully staring at your chest. 

VISUAL CALCULUS: [Formidable: failure] - There are thoughts brewing in that handsome head of his. Thoughts you cannot decipher.

"Kim?" Falls out of your mouth like the gentlest wind and it still startles him. He abruptly turns away and starts the car, pulling out onto the road on the way back to your place. 

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: success] - The tips of his ears are pink. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Mmmm. Love it when that happens. You should lean over and bite his earlobe. 

VOLITION: [Hard: success] - Nope. Not doing that.

LOGIC: [Formidable: success] - This is the first time he has looked at you completely shirtless. Specifically, this is the first time he has noticed the two raised scars underneath your pecs, running from your nipples to almost your armpits. Every time you would get shamelessly undressed he had politely avoided his gaze to give you a little bit more modesty, but not tonight.

EMPATHY: [Challenging: success] - He didn't mean to look. His brain is running on a little bit of a delay. 

ENDURANCE: It's barely five in the morning, you've stayed up longer without being affected this badly. What is he? Some weakling?

EMPATHY: No. 

"Oh yeah, these?" You gesture to your chest scars. "They're another thing that I forgot about. I thought there would be a badass story or something, like I went toe-to-toe with someone with a broadsword or something? But then Nix told me I just used to have boobs and now I don't. Really boring." You intended to give Kim time to think about what you said and reply with something, but for some reason, there's now an electric current running through your brain and you need to explain more. "It's apparently a whole thing? Like I'm supposed to take injections once a week - not drugs! And I've been good about the schedule, don't worry. And I also don't have a dick." You squirm nervously, unsure why. 

"You don't - " Kim starts and clears his throat before starting again. "Did Gottlieb explain to you the 'why' about any of this?"

"Maybe? Honestly, it all happened right after we got back and I was still recovering from the gunshot, infection, withdrawals, all of that. He said a lot that I didn't catch. I haven't asked him to elaborate because I didn't want him to think I wasn't paying attention."

EMPATHY: [Easy: success] - He's currently feeling a whirlwind of multiple, conflicting emotions. The strongest is fondness, only slightly stronger than his attempts to not laugh at your insanity. 

AUTHORITY: Laugh?! Who does he think he is? Show him you're nothing to be laughed at.

"Who needs to pay attention when you got guns like these?" You flex your biceps like a real circus Muscle Man.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION: [Challenging: failure] - You spread out too much too quickly for the small space and smack your elbow roughly into the window.

"Ow. . . " 

"That was very impressive, Harry." Kim says gently and somehow, despite the pure warmth that the statement fills you with and how it makes you feel like you're almost floating, you are able to pay attention to what he says next. "It might make you feel better to know that you're trans-gender."

ENCYCLOPEDIA: [Challenging: success] - A deeper, previously unmentioned level of the underground. Trans- meaning 'on or to the other side of. Across or beyond.' A group of people, you included, that have changed their outer gender presentation from what was previously assumed. Some people call them 'converts' in a wave of poetic prose.

SHIVERS: YOU'RE STILL ONE OF MY CHILDREN. 

INLAND EMPIRE: The crackle of electricity inside of you hasn't calmed down but it is like a switch was changed. Kim has found two wires that you did not know were active and connected them, creating a hot surge to flow through a part of you that previously felt burnt out, gone, useless.

"Oh," You say rather limply. "That - ah. Makes a lot of sense."

Only now have you realized that you have stopped moving. When did he park? Doesn't matter. You put your bloody shirt back on but don't button it, hoping that no one would be out at this ungodly hour to see you in this state. "Oh! Thanks!" 

"Always," Kim says. He looked like he had something more to say, probably along the lines of this very serious and life-affirming conversation but the words weren't making sense in his exhausted mind. Eventually, he gives up. "Get some sleep, okay?" 

"I don't think that'll be much of a problem." You lie and give him finger guns. You rush out, knowing that the sooner you close your door the sooner Kim will be able to go home and rest. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Godly: success] - He will pass out as soon as his head touches the covers and he will arrive to take you both to work on time, where he will do the necessary paperwork and go through the motions of a long day. Then, after he drops you off tomorrow he will make a stop on the way home for something. 

Ooooo, what? 

ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Impossible: failure] - . . . 

LOGIC: [Hard: success] - One can assume it will be related to the conversation you two just had. He doesn't have a lot of practical knowledge on trans-gender issues and, while he doesn't view himself as your personal guide into self-discovery of all things queer and underground, he does want to help you.

___

There is a small, dusty bookstore located in Central Jamrock that, thanks to being hidden between larger and much more imposing buildings, goes mostly ignored by most patrons. They carry exclusively non-fiction books and the owner is a woman who looks much older than she really is with a death-rattle cough and very little patience. The store has no order to it but it prides itself on housing material that was, and currently is, banned. Within certain circles, it is lovingly infamous. 

Yes, Kim does go there after work but he never brings it up with Harry. They do have more conversations about the topic, a little, some of them heavy and emotional and some of them light and to give Harry room to joke around in a space unlike he has ever had before. But what Kim gets from the bookstore is for him.

For twenty-two reál and nearly thirty minutes of searching he acquires a thick book of black-and-white, glossy photographs meant for discerning coffee tables. Titled 'An Exploration of Masculinity' it is a lovingly homoerotic collection of male bodies of random, mostly anonymous men that have lived in various parts of Elysium, wherever the photographer was willing to travel. Out of the 70-odd men included, the photographer was able to capture four trans-gender men, all anonymous.     

"You're a pervert." The Harry of his mind says, weeks later, when he is yet again alone in his apartment. Unlike previously, Harry is not tied up and waiting for Kim to do whatever he pleases but instead of peering at him from over his shoulder, where he is bent over Kim's kitchen table, smirking mischievously. "That's not what the book was meant for, you know. It wasn't meant to tweak your sick fantasies so they'll be more accurate." 

Gods, he knows. He knows he knows he knows. He should have stopped this weeks ago, he should stop it now. But it's an itch that never gets satisfied for more than a moment. He scratches until it bleeds and then continues to dig.

"How can you - oh," Harry groans as Kim bottoms out inside of him. He gives Harry a few moments to adjust before he starts pumping in and out slowly, enjoying the way that Harry's back muscles stretch as both of his hands reach to grab at the edge of the table, as if preparing for the ride of his life. "How can you live with yourself, Kim? I'm your partner, I need to trust you to have my back in life-or-death situations, and all you can think about is treating me like I'm your personal cock-sleeve." He pants. 

In real life Kim lets out a groan under his breath, stilling his hand so that he doesn't finish quite so soon. In his mind, his counterpart snaps his hips sharply and it causes Harry to yelp in surprise before letting out a deep, gravelly moan.

Things shift and suddenly Harry is on his back, arms still outstretched so now his full body is on display. His chest now being picture-perfect accurate to the real Harry, top scars and all, as Kim pounds his hole roughly, stomach bouncing along in time with him. He's still talking. "I'll find out eventually. You know. A few wandering thoughts, that's fine, no one would fault you for that. A few masturbation sessions are no sweat to me, but this many? Even I have to have a limit on what is acceptable weirdness. Do you think I would be flattered? Do you really think I would enjoy being the star of your sick dreams every night?"

Despite the fact that the words are making him feel like a bucket of hot, black tar was dumped over his head, his hand speeds up again. 

Kim reaches over to Harry and fondles his cock while not breaking his stride, rolling it between his fingers. Harry lets his head fall back and lets out a string of pathetic whines and mews that Kim desperately wants to know if he's even capable of making in real life, before his head surges back up suddenly and he's talking more. "There's just so much you want to know, isn't there? About what I like. How I think. How I know the things I know, but most importantly how I don't know about this yet. I'm able to just know so many things - what Pryce is thinking, if Judit is having a bad morning. I can guess exactly what mood Jean is in before I even see him. But I haven't figured this out yet." 

Outside the fantasy, Kim grimaces and he feels his chest heat up uncomfortably, not from arousal. In his mind, he shoves three fingers in Harry's mouth to quiet him. 

"Oooo, you didn't like that," Harry says clearly despite the gag. "I used to know you so well and sometimes even respond to your thoughts as if you said them out loud. And now you're practically projecting how much of a dirty pervert you are and I'm not seeing any of it. I'm too busy thinking about Jean. Getting back in line to make sure Jean gets lunch. I go out of my way to get Jean a coffee when he's in a bad mood. And you're at home with your dick in your hand." 

Kim open palm slaps him with a deafening crack and Harry lets out the loudest moan yet. Fuck worrying about the neighbors, the apartments across the street could have heard him. If this were real, of course. 

Harry, with a red-hot palm mark on half of his face, squints his grey-green eyes and smirks. "He didn't appreciate Vicquemare while he had him, and now that he has you, he's gone crawling back. Do you think they're fucking? What right do you have to be mad about it?"

Kim huffs in frustration and curses to himself, louder than he anticipated. His cock stands at attention but it's quickly flagging. The words that Harry - not even real Harry, but the image that he conjured himself - prove too real and leave an intense negative feeling in him pretty much obliterating his arousal. He doesn't even think that there's anything going on with the two of them, nothing more than a slowly repairing professional relationship after whatever they had (and the only one that knows for sure what they ever had previously is Jean) imploded. Harry tells him everything. But even if Harry hadn't thought to mention anything and they do have something going on (and his cock was now and truly disinterested in the current train of thought) then he doesn't have a right to get angry. Besides maybe a professional wariness at his partner dating a subordinate. But not anything more. Harry is his work partner and nothing more.     

Still. He stares at the landline, anticipating it to ring. Any moment now. He's not even sure if he wants it to ring.

(He does.)

He's almost given up hope that it would until the shrill ringing causes his blood to freeze. He considers not answering at all - he knows this isn't the station. But by the time the thought crosses his mind, he's already saying "Hello," to the receiver.

"Hi," And the way that Harry says it so meekly - it's over. He's all but ready to explain himself (what is there to explain? He doesn't know what to say. At best, he knows how to apologize and how to put in for another transfer.) but Harry beats him to it. 

"Are you angry at me?" 

"What?" Kim blinks, tension not leaving his body.

"I just got - " he lets out a frustrated groan. "There's been something wrong with my brain. I know I've never been good at really explaining how it works up here," he can't see, but he imagines Harry tapping a finger to his temple. "because it's really hard to explain it in words. The simplest way is that there's just been something that I'm not seeing and I've been spending a lot of time improving one specific area and there's still just. Nothing."

"Like a thought project?" His voice is level despite the fact that he feels a large amount of guilt build up at the obvious distress this is causing Harry. And at his own cowardice to not own up to it now.

"Kind of? But also no, that's a different thing." Harry's tone was forced into something lighter and attempting to be playful. "One of my skills said that you were dreaming of slapping me. But that's ridiculous! Right?"

Kim says nothing. Harry swallows. 

"You could slap me if you wanted to." And the way he says it - it's not him attempting to be seductive. There's no overtly lecherous lint to his voice. It's whispered like a confession. If Kim wasn't already holding his breath then he might have missed it. But then Harry barrels over him again. 

"HAHA! That was weird! I didn't actually say anything, especially not something really weird! Okay bye Kim, goodnight love you!" And then all he hears is the dial tone.

Kim hangs up but as he is dialing Harry's home number to call him back, barely having spun the dial, it's ringing again. "I meant goodbye!" Harry exclaims. "Or 'love you' in a purely platonic and non-sexual sense! I haven't fantasized about you eating me out." 

"Harry,"

"Ignore that last bit as well! Or don't because I specifically said I haven't been which is the truth and you don't need to worry about what or what I haven't been thinking about." 

"Harrier," Kim is expressing a truly diety-level amount of composure in how his voice is still level. It got Harry to stop talking for the moment. Even if he hadn't, it'd be hard to hear anything else he would say through the blood pounding in Kim's ears. "I can shed some light on what you're asking about." 

"Oh that's a relief," Harry sighs, but he's Harry so he doesn't end it there. "See, I knew that it was someone in the precinct because of the specific skill that kept failing, and for a little while, and I mean very briefly, I thought that maybe it could have been Jean? But - " 

Kim could not contain the subtle grimace that overtook him. The line suddenly went quiet for a moment. 

"You're jealous," Harry said with startingly clarity. "Of Jean?" 

"Khm. I suppose I am."

There are another few moments of agonizing silence as Harry convenes with the voices in his head. Then he lets out all the air in his lungs as he cradles the phone even closer to himself, almost obscuring his words completely as if he can bridge the distance between the two of them without having to say goodbye. "You thought that we could have been - and you felt - which means that you also?" 

"Harrier," Kim spoke softly into the phone, dipping into dulcet tones that he hoped would have the desired effect on the man so far away. At one point being alone in his apartment felt like a sanctuary away from the world but now it feels like a prison. A room with four enclosed walls that promise to keep out everything including the things he very much wants to have. "Can I come over?" 

"Please," Harry whimpered and they hung up in unison. 

___

Kim is a very good driver, so when he stood at Harry's door and realized briefly that he had little memory of the drive itself, he was only worried a little bit about the obvious safety issues of it all. 

The door opened before he knocked at all. Harry had swung it open with such ferocity that a gust of wind blew through him, giving Kim a whiff of shampoo and freshly washed clothes. The fact that Harry had showered between them hanging up is made further obvious by the fact that he's still dripping wet and towel-drying his hair. He was wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants but seemingly nothing else. Kim was dressed just as casual - sweats and a black tank top, no jacket, no gloves this time. More casual than he ever lets himself leave the house looking, but tonight is a marvelous exception. 

"May I come in?" Harry nods wordlessly and moves aside, letting Kim step inside. He drops the towel on the ground carelessly. 

As soon as the door is closed behind him Harry gingerly approaches him and Kim, sick of playing the coward when it comes to things of the heart, cradles Harry's face in both of his palms and looks up at him. Here he is, with real Harry, not someone he created in his imagination but a real living person. He can feel the heat coming off of his cheeks as Harry peers down at him silently, with enough reverence that he almost has stars in his eyes. "I've never been very good at talking about these sorts of things, but I believe I owe you an explanation." 

Harry almost looks like he wants to interrupt, perhaps with a 'you don't owe me anything, ever, Kim.' but Kim silences him with a raised eyebrow. His mouth snaps shut obediently and Kim smiles at that. "I may have been, for too long of a time, imagining you in situations that are not entirely professional."

He could feel Harry's cheeks warm up underneath his palms and he started to, very subtly, shake with concealed effort. 

"You may talk." 

"I don't know if I want to ask how long or what you have been imagining first."

Kim hums in contemplation. "You may ask one of them now." 

"Is this really happening?" Harry asks instead and Kim is surprised at the turn. Yes, he got the idea that Harry was open to being with him earlier, he wouldn't have come over if he didn't, but this is the confirmation that he had thought about Kim in the exact same way in his private moments. Maybe just as often, too. 

A confirmation that they are both a little stupid, as well. 

He took this as an opportunity to pull Harry into a kiss. It was sweet at first - Harry's lips were dry and very warm, almost hot, and the kiss deepened within seconds. Kim could taste that Harry, perhaps out of insecurity at how his frequent coffee drinking and chain-smoking might make his mouth taste, went a little overboard with the mouthwash, but it wasn't unpleasant. It became something that he cataloged and put aside as he let himself fall adrift in the sensation of finally kissing Harry. He slipped his tongue into Harry's mouth and ran it along his teeth, feeling Harry moan into his mouth. 

"I can't get pregnant, by the way." Harry said suddenly, as soon as they broke apart. 

Kim smiled. "Mmhmm. And I need to know this because. . . ?" he teases. One of his hands leaves Harry's face to gently scratch at Harry's scalp, feeling him shiver. He wants - needs to hear Harry say it instead of the constructed version of his voice in Kim's head.

Harry's face warms up even more. "I am so horny that my brain could leak from my ears and I'd really like it if you would have sex with me. Homoerotically."

Kim snorts and as much as he wants to counter with 'as opposed to?' his previous denial earlier in the night has come back with a vengeance and he is facing a Harry that is saying the stupid, silly, impossibly sexy words to his face and he can't deny either of them this for much longer. 

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 I Was Born for This Book Review 🦇

❝ In an otherwise mediocre existence, we choose to feel passion. ❞

❓ #QOTD What band did you love just a little too much growing up?

[ Find my review below or on Insta | Storygraph | Literal ]

❝ Most adults see teenagers as confused kids who don't understand much, while they're the pillars of knowledge and experience and know exactly what is right at all times. I think the truth is that everyone in the entire world is confused and nobody understands much of anything at all. ❞ 🦇 Alice Oseman's I Was Born for This is an exploration of friendship, self-identity, and the effects of fame. "Angel" Rahimi lives and breathes one thing: The Ark, a boy band of growing, world-renowned fame. Joining The Ark's fandom has given Angel her best friend, Juliet, a community, and a place in the world. Too bad her Muslim family can't understand why The Ark takes up so much space in Angel's boundless heart. The band's frontman, Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, knows The Ark owes their fans everything, but sometimes...they're a bit much. It doesn't help that their more intense fans are shipping Jimmy and his bandmate, Rowan, or that their constant presence is triggering his anxiety. When Angel visits Juliet in London to meet the band for the first time, reality comes crashing down on all of them. Sometimes, fame isn't all it seems.

💜 It's no surprise that Alice Oseman has artistically explored coming-of-age themes through the universal concept of connecting through music. The Ark and resulting fandom give Angel a family and community; a sense of belonging she lacked in high school. At the same time, her position in the fandom has erased her individualism and identity (her real name is Fereshteh, which translates to Angel). As much as she loves the band, she's not IN love with them though. The Boys--Jimmy, Rowan, and Lister--have lost parts of themselves as well. Fans see the versions of them they want to see, and The Boys, knowing they owe their fans everything, smile and play their parts. They don't see Jimmy's debilitating anxiety, the relationship Rowan is trying to hide from the press, or Lister's depression, alcoholism, or bruised bisexual heart.

🦇 This is a deeply character-driven story; a story that's focused on growing up through friendships and found family, NOT romantic entanglements. As always, Oseman excels at creating diverse, nuanced characters, including: 🎵 Jimmy: trans, biracial Indian and Italian, gay, with severe anxiety 🎵 Angel: Iranian, hijabi, Muslim, queer and questioning 🎵 Rowan: biracial, Nigerian, and very protective of Jimmy 🎵 Lister: bisexual struggling with alcoholism and depression

🦇 One of the most important messages in this story is to love yourself first. The Boys get lost in their fame, which leads them to neglect who they are and what they need, while Angel loses herself (and potentially, her future) in the fandom. As a coming-of-age story, it's also a reminder that it's okay NOT to be okay; that recognizing as much doesn't make you weak, but human. However, I do think the final act is a little messy. Since the story is character-driven, the first half drags, while the second half feels like a tangle of ideas and motivations. I think the story would have been stronger if it focused on the three boys; if they gained Angel's perspective through a fan letter instead. There's so much to Rowan and Lister's story we haven't seen yet.

🦇 Recommended to fans of diverse casts, coming-of-age stories, and all things Alice Oseman.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🎵 Muslim MC / Trans MC 🎶 Dual POV 🎸 Exploring Identity, Friendship, Fame 🎶 Mental Health Rep 🎵 Connection Through Music

🦇 TW: panic attacks, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, assault, suicide attempt

[jimin-of-mine]

Its a real question and not a shade but how do you know you're Jimin twin flame ? I wonder what it feels like ?

To answer this question honestly- I would have to say that it's very simple, but also quite confusing.

I have been on this journey for close to a decade now, and things still don't make sense a lot of times for me 😅

It's a very spiritual connection, but it's also very physical and it affects you as a whole.

I apologize in advance, but this will be quite long, since it's not something that can be answered in a very short reply.

Not if you wish to try and understand ♡

°

I suppose you can say it started around the time I was just a little girl, so I've been on this journey for decades- but I found out it had a name eight years ago.

I don't know what triggers it and the journey itself starts out the same for everyone, but eventually you take your own path that is very personal to you.

Regardless of what anyone tries to tell you in the twin flame community- no other person can tell you how things need to go.

You are the only one who can speak on your journey and that's what makes it tricky, because you lack the guidance that you need in the beginning.

I went through it myself and there were so many people trying to project their own beliefs onto me...

None of it spoke to me and their beliefs just felt off to me. Not wrong, because it was their own beliefs- but it just didn't fit with me and my own personal experiences and that's okay.

Individuality is SO important and I can't stress this enough, because if you listen to other's- you will never have your own growth.

I learned this the hard way, so I try to tell everyone this ❤

°

I had a very difficult life growing up and my family was very broken from the beginning.

Things transpired when I was very, very young and it left a permanent scar on me, before I really had the proper development as a child and my mind was wired very differently than the average person- due to the mark that the trauma left behind.

Often times, I would wonder why I was even born and my life got very dark, full of 'demons' that just wouldn't give me any peace of mine.

Until I was six years old, and that was the time I had this deep knowing inside of me, that I would meet someone who was just like me and we would be together.

I never thought of it as romantic, because I felt more like it was just love as a general term.

It gave my little heart the strength it needed to continue moving forward and it quieted the 'demons' in my mind.

It became my driving force and the only reason I was living, since nothing else made sense to me and I had these terribly heavy burdens that I was carrying around.

°

Fast forward a couple of decades, and I was starting to have these dreams. Meeting someone- who was rather vague when I woke up and I couldn't remember their appearance.

They were a stranger, but yet they didn't feel like that at all and in these dreams where they would visit me- it was very mundane, but they meant everything to me.

Why?

Even though we just sat in this small area and enjoyed each other's company- there were never any words spoken, but it didn't feel silent if that makes sense.

It felt like there was a lot being said, even though we weren't even speaking.

Being around this person brought me bliss and pure serenity.

The darkness that had started to resurface after several years- fell silent in their presence and my mind quieted down.

I felt a kind of peace I had never known before and the raging storm inside of me fell totally calm.

°

This may not seem like a big deal to other people who read this, but that's only because you haven't lived my life.

Afrer the trauma as a child, I was left with a horrible digestive condition and I was very sick as a child. Not to mention, the severe and very debilitating anxiety condition that never let up. I wasn't given the therapy that I needed for a long enough time, so I was never given the chance to heal properly.

I couldn't be around people and they terrified me, to the point that everyone was a threat.

I would isolate myself, because I couldn't bear to be around other's- but at the same time, I preferred the quiet of my own company.

After the time I found out I had another 'me' out there, I never felt alone and I knew I was protected- but I didn't have an explanation for it.

I just never felt alone, because I always felt like there was someone else with me.

(I need to mention here that I grew up in a very strict religion, so I wasn't given the permission to have my own beliefs. It wasn't until much later in my life, I found out that I could have my own beliefs. That's how conditioned I was from their manipulation.)

°

Kpop had always been a part of my life, since high school I think and I was obsessed with a few groups- but mostly the girl groups and there was a few boy groups I liked too.

With BTS it was difficult, because I never had anything against the guys- but their popularity was a huge turn off for me.

They're all anyone ever talked about and it frustrated me, because other groups needed to be noticed as well.

So I tried to avoid BTS- but that's the thing I've noticed with this journey lol

The more you try to avoid it, the more it pops up and it won't leave you alone until you stop and just pay attention.

°

I wanted to see what the big deal was, so I watched a couple of their music videos on YouTube- ('Save me' & 'I need U') and Jimin was the first one that just seemed to jump out at me.

I didn't know why and I just thought it was a crush or something- but I knew right away it just meant he was different.

I never had crushes on real people. I was heavily into anime at the time and those are the guys I always felt 'attracted' to.

I wondered what made him different and so that's when it all began in a manner of speaking- but I didn't put two and two together for a few months.

It wasn't until he did something-like a certain behavior or mannerism? Its hard to explain in words...

But it just happened out of the blue and I realized he was the one visiting me in my dreams.

I think it's because of his voice. When he spoke, or sang in music- I realized that I felt calm and my mind felt quiet.

Which is what happened with that person who continued to visit me.

No one has ever been able to quiet the hurricane that has been raging inside of me, since I was a little girl and that's when I knew he was something.

I found the term soul mate that stood out to me, but it didn't fit the 'criteria' of what I was experiencing- so I furthered my research and came across twin flames.

°

I'll end it here, because I don't want this to be too long- but please feel free to send me another 'ask' if you wish to and I can answer anything else you may be curious about :)

Please tell me that it's you though, because I've been having a lot of hate in my 'asks' section and I want to make sure I don't block you by accident ♡

[fqirycollective]

Roles We've Coined

Dissociation Aid

As a polyfragmented system, we are constantly dissociated to some degree. However, we aren't always in danger anymore. So whenever we get too dissociated without a trauma trigger, we've noticed we have an alter that switches in and it significantly lowers our dissociation levels. We call this a dissociation aid, and our dissociation aid is Toni. Because we figure this isn't specific to polyfragmented systems, any traumagenic system.

Preventive Protector - tw for mentions of programming!

Okay! This is a rename of a role we found on pluralpedia. Debugger was the original term and it referred to a type of protector who prevented the system from falling back into patterns of abuse. However, our system felt as though debugger itself might imply programming as like. Someone debugging a computer programming? Because of the similarities in terminology, we approched Alex and asked for his help coming up with a new term because obviously all systems can experience that. It really doesn't matter what you use, but we prefer this term so I thought I'd share it!

Fledgling

As a polyfragmented system, we have an extremely high amount of fragments. But the line where fragment and fully formed alter blurs so we coined a term to determine between the fragments (what we call fledglings) and the fragmented fragments (fragments). Fledglings may have basis of a name, pronouns, sexuality, gender, etc. but not much more while fragments may only have one or so. We have a more in-depth post on this, so I'll leave it here!

Confidence Booster

This is a part who fronts to appear more confident, specifically when giving a presentation or while receiving criticism. This was coined with people with anxiety and ADHD in mind (specifically social anxiety and ADHDers who experience RSD as those are the experiences that cause are parts with this role to front in our system and thus caused a need for the role), but it can be used by anyone! Just keep in mind we coined it with those people in mind.

Dopamine Inducer

This is a role in which an alter has less severe ADHD symptoms than the rest of the system, even the non-symptom holders. For us, this meant he was able to keep focus easier, get more done, pay mpre attention to detail and hygiene, etc. This is specific to ADHD systems.

Health/Sleep Aid

Our health aid frequently visits co-con during the sick seasons to remind us of things to help keep us healthy, as well as to front if we are sick to help take care of whatever is making us sick. Our sleep aid helps us specifically when we have a harder time sleeping at night for whatever reason, but she's also been known to keep us in bed if she thinks we haven't gotten enough sleep.