#also i have severe anxiety though so the ''what if you just haven't found the right person'' thing haunts me

[pa-pa-plasma]

growing up ace/aro is so funny because you spend all your time thinking that just being able to acknowledge someone is conventionally attractive or "hot" is sexual or romantic attraction & then one day someone hits you with the "I would actually date/have sex with this person & would change my behaviour/life to do so" & you're like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt???

[sylusjinwoon]

{ 155 }

follow you.

jinwoo sung x fem.reader

{ i will follow you way down wherever you may go | i'll follow you way down to your deepest low | i'll always be around wherever life takes you | you know i'll follow you... }

anonymous said: Is it possible to have a scenario with Jinwoo where f.reader is dealing with a co-worker in his 50s at work who makes her uncomfortable by making inappropriate remarks in his conversations with her and never respects her personal space, she isn't scared of him but he makes her anxious and nervous at his sight for 7 months straight...and she doesn't tell Jinwoo until he starts noticing that she spaces out more often lost in her thoughts. (Its a true event that happened to me at my work and I hope you can write a comforting scenario for it😮‍💨 also eager to see more of protective Jinwoo 😏)

lately, you found yourself dreading the thought of going to work.

you were a young woman who was a regular civilian in this world filled with hunters, gates, and monsters. ever since these strange gates began to appear all across the world, thousands of people awakened with this unique ability to combat against these threats-

your boyfriend being one of these well known hunters.

however, you were not one of those special humans that had awakened with these abilities.

which was why you worked a regular office job in the midst of the city. and your job was by no means too difficult-

however, there was just one tiny issue with your workplace-

and that came in the form of your highly persistent coworker.

he was a balding man that appeared to be in his mid-50s named ryung. the moment your assigned cubicle was directly next to him, the man made it his life's mission to constantly flirt with you. in between breaks, he would find you and proceed to talk to you, all while placing lingering touches against your arm or shoulder.

"you're so beautiful, hehe."

"you say you have a boyfriend, but i don't believe he's serious about you. hell, if i were 30 years younger, i would have snatched you up and put a ring on that pretty little finger of yours!"

"damn, your ass looks fine in that skirt..."

hearing such constant remarks was enough to make you shudder.

despite the many times you told him you had a boyfriend (that also worked as a powerful hunter!), the man refused to back off. and the fact that this had been going on for nearly 7 months now made it so much worse for you.

now, you were filled with anxiety when ryung casually saunters up to your cubicle. even during the times where you purposely ignored him, the man would simply proceed to linger outside of your cubicle, forcing you to listen to his heavy breathing and crazed mutterings, only walking away when the sounds of your other coworkers approaching forces him to make his retreat.

you thought about turning in your letter of resignation several times, but always decided against it, since this was a good job that paid well-

and you didn't want your boyfriend to do all the heavy lifting when it came to your shared finances.

being so caught up with your thoughts, you couldn't even touch the breakfast your boyfriend had made for you, making him frown in response. he calls out your name several times, but you remain completely unresponsive to him.

"sarang." he calls out your nickname while brushing the ice cold glass of orange juice against your cheek. the sudden, icy sensation felt against your skin successfully manages to break you out of your thoughts, forcing to face your boyfriend's concerned gaze.

"jinwoo... what is it?"

jinwoo sighs before running a hand through his hair, placing the glass of orange juice back on the table. "i was asking you if you were okay for several minutes now, and you just recently responded to me. is something bothering you? i noticed that you haven't been yourself lately... ever since you started your job at that company."

you shift around uncomfortably in your seat, feeling as though you were being interrogated by jinwoo.

"it's nothing, jin. just-"

"bullshit it's nothing."

jinwoo then casually sits back in his seat with his arms crossed, his voice coming out as strained as he was clearly trying to control his anger.

"has ryung been bothering you again?"

your mouth goes dry, meeting jinwoo's gaze with wide eyes.

"h-how did you know about that?"

a smirk paints his handsome features. "have you forgotten just who your lover is?"

ah, that's right... he was the shadow monarch. he probably placed a bunch of his soldiers within your shadow and saw what was going on through their eyes.

"i could always have bellion rip through him for you?" jinwoo asks you while letting out a series of rich chuckles, but you were only half-certain that he was simply joking.

"n-no, you don't need to go that far. ryung is harmless... but a nuisance."

jinwoo hums before gesturing at your plate of breakfast. "come on, go ahead and finish eating. i'm going to take you to work."

"oh, you don't need to, jinwoo-"

"sarang, please, i insist."

with his voice dripping with a saccharine sweetness, you could no longer deny him. letting out a sigh, you give him a nod before returning your attention back to the delicious breakfast jinwoo had prepared for you.

you spend the next thirty minutes making small talk with your boyfriend, setting up plans for the upcoming weekend while being filled with an eagerness for the end of the week. once you finished eating and jinwoo had washed all the plates did he grab his keys. smoothing out your blouse and skirt, you grab your own briefcase while walking out the door with jinwoo.

throughout the whole drive to your workplace, jinwoo holds on to your hand while keeping his other hand on the steering wheel. during every stop light, he brings the back of your hand up against his lips, giving it a sweet kiss while basking in your joyful giggles.

soon enough, jinwoo arrives and parks in front of your office building, unbuckling his seat belt before heading out to open the door for you. seeing him smiling down at you, you give him his hand and allow him to walk with you into the building.

upon entering your workplace, several people recognized jinwoo and immediately greet him (all while trying to hold back their awe). your boyfriend keeps his hand on yours, simply returning their greetings with a smile before escorting you to the elevators.

the ride to the twentieth floor was filled with eager giggles and soft kisses, and you quickly felt your anxieties melt away. a few seconds later, the elevator doors slide open as you and jinwoo walked into the floor where you usually worked.

but instead of allowing you to enter your cubicle, he places a hand behind your back, leading you directly towards ryung's office space.

as if sensing you, the older man looks away from his computer screen, raspy voice calling out your name in an almost possessive manner when he faces you-

only to let out a desperate gasp when jinwoo uses his powers to lift ryung off the ground.

"ack!"

"jinwoo!"

but jinwoo ignores your sudden cries of his name, eyes glowing a bright purple hue as he continues to lift ryung mid-air with his telekinesis. choked sounds were heard coming from the man, and your mind was spinning, becoming filled with a sudden panic-

you didn't want jinwoo to get in trouble because of this man!

"if you continue to flirt with my lover so shamelessly like that ever again, i'll kill you."

within seconds, jinwoo releases his invisible grip on ryung, causing the older man to land on his knees for him. he was coughing, with tears filling his vision as the fear was evident in his eyes. completely ignoring ryung, jinwoo turns his attention back to you all while giving you a sweet smile.

"come, i'll take you back to your cubicle, sarang."

you give jinwoo an exasperated sigh, running your hips against his all while whispering to him, "you're insane, using your powers on him like that...?!"

"so what? i put the fear of the shadow monarch into him. there's no way he would dare to flirt with you now."

as if on cue, you hear ryung let out a whimper while pretending to type something on his computer. you shake your head at jinwoo, but still accept his kiss when he leans down toward you.

only after he was satisfied with your kiss did jinwoo pull away from you. "call me when you're done with your shift, and i'll pick you up."

you give him one last nod, watching as jinwoo leaves your office before deciding to login to your own computer, ready to start your day with a confident smile on your face, secretly grateful for jinwoo's intervention as you were certain ryung would leave you alone now.

{ ... }

the next morning, when you came into work and saw that ryung's cubicle was completely emptied of his belongings, confirming your coworker's mention of his sudden resignation-

that was when you let out a relieved sigh while giggling slightly.

perhaps you would need to treat jinwoo to something nice after all.

a.n. - hhhhh more double updates because i love jinwoo soooo much! 😭

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

[ciaomarie]

Part 3: What Then?

This was supposed to be a three part series, but it will probably be 4 or 5 parts. Sydcarmy is a tangled mess of intense care interlaced with anxiety and denial. So they need HELP from their friends and family along the way! Here's a convo with Natalie and Carmen. It takes place just a few days after he found out that he'd made Sydney's best meal ever. Then he inadvertently confessed she's the best part of his day and his heart's dearest wish...j/k, but not really ;)

On a brisk Monday afternoon Carmen rang the bell at Pete and Natalie's home. The doorbell's speaker answered back, with Natalie's hurried voice. "It's open Bear! Just come up to the nursery." He entered their home noting the new family photos hanging on the wall leading up the stairs. They were black and white shots with Pete and Nat walking into the hospital, the next just after Baby Angeline was placed in Natalie's arms, another with Pete and the baby, one shot of her curled bitty toes, and the last was all three of them in the hospital bed. Pete had hired a hospital photographer and as antithetical as that was to anyone with an ounce of Berzatto blood, Natalie let him do it. The result was so unexpectedly tender and beautiful that he paused on the stairs to soak it in. Pete is really a good guy. He was made from an entirely different mold than any man Carmy had grown up around. "Carm?!" Natalie called. "Coming." He turned into the nursery to find Natalie bundling up "Angie" and fastening her into one of those baby slings. Then with one fluid motion before he could speak, she slipped the sling over his shoulders. "Okay, Uncle she's yours!" "So, how does this work?" he asked, looking down at his tiny niece, his eyes as big as beach balls. Angie blinked back at him extremely unbothered.

Natalie rolled her eyes and chortled.

"It's already working. It's fool-proof! Okay, let me get my coat and we'll head out." They strolled down the older suburb's tree-lined streets past others pushing babies, walking dogs, and the occasional Amazon delivery truck. "Carmy, this is really nice and you're welcome to drop by anytime, but what did you want to talk about?" Natalie enquired. He had texted her the other night asking to discuss something important. He kept his eyes on Angie's blissful little face, swallowed, and began. "I'd like to split my share of the restaurant with Syd. She's put in so much work, took several months without pay, and even though I'm the EC she's the main developer of at least half of the menu and the weekly specials. When I was sick recently, she ran the place like a pro. She deserves it. Also, I think if I give her a financial stake she'll stay for at least 5 years. We need that. What do you think?"

Natalie contemplated him for a moment. "Well, part of me agrees and the other part...Carmy, please don't get defensive." "Nat. How can I not when you’ve said that?" "Is this a solely a business decision? Because if it isn't I don't think you need to or should do this to keep her. " Carmy stopped walking, his face falling with frustration and shame. "Have you been talking to Richie?" Natalie stopped and took his arm in hers. "No, I haven't. Look, sorry. What I meant is things are so good between you two." They resumed walking. "Yeah, and that's a problem?" "Not at all. The way you are together...maybe it's the hormones but I've cried sometimes because you are just yourself with her. I've never seen you smile so much with anyone else. Your freakin’ posture is more relaxed when she comes in the room. I could go on, Bear." "You see all that? What about-what about her? Am I any good for her?" he asked in a low, wistful tone. Natalie pulled his arm tighter. She paused, to choose her words carefully. She and Camry were no strangers to family interference in their love lives. "Well, I haven't known Sydney that long, but she tends to spiral, and she pushes through until she's sick or lashes out. Kinda like you do. I noticed that it’s gotten better though. Since we opened, you've been consistently checking in with her, collaborating with her, encouraging her, making her take breaks, and pouring time into her. She's far less doubtful; she believes in herself."

Carm nodded slowly, reflecting on Sydney's growth. "Well, she deserves that. I promised her that she wasn’t alone in this. My focus was not where it should’ve have been during the reno and Friends and Family.”

He exhaled heavily and went on.  

“So, it sounds like she lights up my life and for her, I'm a good boss or even her big brother."

Natalie shook her head, smirking.

" Yeah, you’re a great boss now, but little sisters don't look at their brothers the way Sydney does you. Do you remember when we were all talking in my office and you spilled hot coffee on your shirt? You peeled it off and the poor girl looked at you, as your sister it pains me say this, like she wanted to jump you. When you left to get a clean shirt, she didn't remember what she had been saying." " What!?!? Okay...." Carm scoffed trying and failing to suppress a huge smile. "Also, does she ever leave before 11 instead of sitting in those greasy whites with you every single night for how long? One to two hours!?" She continued. "My point is if you want to divide your share with her because it's good business and fair, and I agree it is, then let me do it too so we're even. Otherwise, I think you’re already three-quarters of the way there with her. She doesn't need to be bought."

They walked in silence for a few minutes. "Natalie, I understand, but I still want to split my share. I think it’s the right thing to do. You don't need split yours though." "First I don't want the largest share of the restaurant and second.... Pete and I may move to be near his parents next year." Natalie bit her lip and glanced at Carmy worry etched in her brow.

"We think it would be good for Angie. You know, to be close to her grandparents and she'd have young cousins nearby too." Carm squeezed her arm, missing her already. "Yeah, I met them at the wedding. They were...Pete’s parents for sure. Angie would have a normal set of grandparents around." Natalie took a deep breath, a gamut of emotions crossing her face. "Choosing Pete was the biggest act of rebellion of my life. I honestly felt repulsed by him at first, until I realized that he was real, and I didn't have to be on guard all the time. Angeline should have that from the start." She bent over to kiss her baby's head which was protected from the cool air by a lilac-colored beanie. "Sydney's a really good choice too. Businesswise and/or otherwise. So, if you're certain about this call Uncle Cicero. This won't change anything with our loan repayment, but his lawyer could help draft a contract. Then we'll ask Sydney if she wants to accept and if she refuses...just give her one of those Sydney-land stares of yours."

Carmy groaned. "You did talk to Richie!"

Natalie erupted into a storm of giggles. Carmen dropped her arm.

"Look, he started it. I told him to chill, but that Sydney-land thing...You have an season pass, bro! It’s very cute though.”

Next time on "What Then?"- Sydney's workversary (work anniversary)

[factual-fantasy]

22 ASKS!! :DD THANK YOU!! :} 🎉🎂🎉

GASPPP!! :DDD I'D LOVE TO!! :}} 💖💖

I've actually been thinking a lot about Louis and his story lately! Though, since drawing is rather taxing on me atm I haven't gotten around to making him a character study post.. Like I did for Cuttlefish.. BUT!! I have still made some story bits for him anyways! :DD 👇👇

I had this idea that he used to be an ordinary flavored cookie of some kind. And he used to live on land as this washed up fisherman that was really down on his luck.. he had lost his job, his home, his arm.. he had no friends.. no family.. nothing. He was really lost and alone..

Its around that time he was somehow welcomed aboard Seafoam's ship. It was just Seafoam, Octo and Ellie at the time. Louis found great comfort and security with this crew. He had never felt more welcome and wanted in his life.. This environment started to break down Louis' anxieties and depression overtime. Slowly turning him into the more jolly and boisterous Louis the crew knows him as today.

But things would take a seemingly bad turn when a curse befell Louis. Turning him into this half cookie, half crab beast. Louis' body had changed significantly, the biggest change being his huge crab arm. Now, most cookies would consider this ghastly new form to be what its intended to be. A curse.. But Louis.. actually didn't mind the changes. In fact, he liked his new body. Quite a lot! And though his new crab arm did cause him quite a bit of aches and pains.. and also took away his ability to swim.. he honestly considered it an upgrade!

Where before he had a missing arm and was completely useless in combat.. now he had this huge intimidating claw in its place! With his new found strength and power, he was a force to be reckoned with! Not only that, but he didn't see his new body as ugly, he thought he looked AWESOME! So he also got a major confidence boost too!

In present day, Louis is a confident, sociable, and all around happy person. And he gives all the credit to Seafoam and his crew for his new found zest for life! :}} ✨🦀💖✨

Anyways-- thank you for taking interest in Louis! :DD rn drawing is rather challenging for me, but I hope to draw him again someday soon! Maybe I can go back and make him his own character study post like I wanted to! 👀👀

I KNOWWW WAAAAAAA 😭😭😭💖💖💖💔💔💖

@pink088

XD Bibi would probably use it to make a cold glass or water for me🥺💖

And hey, thanks for the cake! :DD No doubt Cici will devour it XDD (Bibi allows it)

I suppose if I really wanted to I could learn how. But I don't want to turn my hobby into a job..

I made my first post on December 19th, 2018!! :00 That's roughly 4-5 years or so!

I use FireAlpaca! And I use a xp-pen 13.3 pro tablet ✨✨

As for that Undyne and Papyrus post.. The story behind it is, that Papyrus is from a different timeline. And in his original timeline.. Undyne is dead.. Now, this other Undyne knows that her Papyrus, the "real" Papyrus, is somewhere else in the underground. So this Papyrus is an imposter. She questions this imposter. "Who are you, and why do you look like Papyrus?" She waits for this imposter to answer.. But Papyrus has no words.. since his Undyne died, he hasn't heard her voice in a very long time... he's too shocked to speak..

I DO have a YouTube channel, and I was intending to make animations for it... but I lost my drive. Animations get stolen A LOT. And Animations take a ton of time to make. I was discouraged.. why would I spend so much time on something, if its more likely to be stolen?

Though I have been thinking about making sketch animatic memes... maybe once my health improves I could try to make one-

And hey! Don't worry about my arms, I can make several whether I'm feeling good or bad! :D

AND AAA THANK YOU!! :DD I'm glad you like him and noticed his eye details!! :}}}

(Post in question)

XDD Jangles is chaotic enough to sleep hanging upside down tho lets be real-

@yourstrulylightstar283 (In response to this post)

:DD Bibi gives his thanks!

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson (In response to this post)

XDD I know right?? Another year has already come and gone, its crazy to think about! :00

And don't worry, I've been focusing all my energy on taking care of myself and drinking lots of water! 👍👍

Awe! Thank you so much!! :DD Right now the main thing I'm battling is my poor mental and physical health.. but I have high hopes that things will improve soon! :)))

@the-woomyverse (Post in question)

:DD Thank you! I'm glad you liked them!! :}}

As for Ludwig and Morton, unfortunately they don't have a lot of story built yet.. but I'm working on it! <:D

Ludwig is intended to be the eldest sibling, and heir to the throne. He's the "Prince of the Koopas". That post shows Ludwig seeming nervous.. and unsure. I'm experimenting with Ludwig taking his role as heir very seriously.. but its stressful. He feels like he's under a lot of pressure and has a loooot of responsibility to look forward to..

Though I'm kind'a going back on that a bit. The canon Ludwig seems pompous and a bit arrogant. Maybe I should keep some of that but in a positive way? I imagine that Bowser wouldn't force Ludwig to do this if he didn't want to. And I imagine that Kamek would have done very well to prepare Ludwig for his future kingly-hood.

What I mean by this is. I think a more.. confident, and level headed version of Ludwig would be appropriate. Rather than a pompous snob or a nervous wreck. He could be a young prince with a lot of wit and discipline. A price that is bound to make a fine king. 👑

For Morton I'm afraid there's even less story built for him 😭💔💔 Right now the main thing I'm experimenting with is Morton having some form of melanism. (Its a mutation where animals are born with excess pigment in their skin. Making their fur/hair/skin very dark/black when it otherwise would not have been.)

I could experiment with Morton not liking this aspect of himself..? Maybe it makes him feel out of place or insecure..? Though I doubt any of the individuals around him would have judged him or treated him differently at all for it.. even his siblings.

Idk, I just need some more time to think about him I suppose! <XDD Sorry!! 😭😭

Thank you!! :DD

@untitled-7613 (Post in question)

Thank you! :DD I'm glad you like them!! :}}

And Jimmy was a lovely gift, though I didn't create him! The factual fam is mostly intended to be made of characters that I can take credit for-

(Note- Jimmy was a nice gift, but please! I stand by only wanting comments <:} 💖💖)

@tallchest13-blog

Dawww, as far as I'm concerned, you've followed me twice! At least in spirit! XD

@couchwow

Hergn... but that takes efforttt... how about you tell me what you like about it first? :0

@neo-metalscottic

No problem!! :D And I wonder that about K Rool. I didn't actually realize that he would be very similar to Bowser.. hmm. Well, I'm thinking that even if he is close to Bowser in size, Bowser's got him beat by his fire breathing ability XDD And King/Big Koopa's overall could just be a tougher species-

As for the Super Stars, they have about the same status as the 1-Up Mushrooms. They are this extremely rare Power up that seems to only show up when its needed.

I've been experimenting with the toad people worshiping 1-Ups and the Delfino people worshiping Super Stars. These bizarre and wonderous powerups that are strongly tied to the prophecy and what not. They're also related to how Peach and Daisy became royalty..

Its a lot of complicated word spaghetti atm but the point I'm getting at- is that there is definitely more than one! And they are so powerful and so.. seemingly sentient, that they are seen as almost.. like.. these holy beings that bring about future events.

I haven't rambled about all that biz yet becuase I cant find proper words to figure out what I'm even thinking <XD Gonna need some more time on that one!--

And yes yes yes! The Commander is still around, and AWWW!! Is he really?? :DD That's so sweet! Thank you so much!! :}} I haven't thought much about what role he's played in raising the Koopalings, though I really should. While he isn't there to actually help raise them, he's always been around as they've grown up. Whether it be following Kamek around or doing some kind of work around the palace.

When it comes to Bowser returning injured.. I wonder. part of me thinks that he wouldn't return right away, so maybe his injury wasn't seen by the Commander. But the news of his defeat would certainly be bone chilling. Commander would be more tense around the palace. And probably extends his night watches a bit longer in an attempt to better protect the Koopalings..

On the last note, Yes! I do plan to redesign him once again XD or at least update him a little- Though drawing is very challenging for me atm.. so that'll have to wait a while!.. <XDD

@littlelightfish

WAAAA THIS ASK GAVE ME LIFFFEEEE!!😭😭💖💖💖 NO ITS NOT TOO INTENSE THE ONLY THING THAT IS INTENSE IS MY PURE JOY AT READING THIS OVER AND OVER WAAAHG THANK YOU SO MUVHCHH!!!💖💖💖💖😭😭💖💖

As for your questions! <XD --I've been thinking more about Tuna's character over the past few days and this got me thinking even more! :D

I imagined that when Tuna started out he was a real brat. Not super great to be around. He had some bottled up stuff for sure and was real rebellious and resistant to authority figures. Nobody was really willing to deal with his crap and always pushed back, which just made him more bratty.. for a while Seafoam wasn't sure what he was gonna do with this kid..

But then he reached some kind of middle ground with Ellie.

I have several ideas in mind for how this could go.. but I'll ramble about this one first- XDD

Ellie has thick skin and could tolerate the snarky remarks he made. She also didn't push back, even through she very easily could have. She knows that this kid has some serious inner battles and he doesn't need her snapping back at him.

And like some of the things you mentioned, it started out with Tuna just bumming around in the kitchen. Since Ellie could tolerate him she never kicked him out. Making the kitchen kind'a like a space where he could.. "get away" from the rest of the crew, in a sense..

Ellie was the first person to crack that outer shell of his. Providing him a consistent source of comfort, with her food and the quiet kitchen.

After some time the snarky remarks or comments would slow down.. over time he just resorts to standing around and watching her cook. Getting closer and closer.. eventually asking questions. "What are ye makin..?" "..what's that do..?" She would always reply genuinely. And as gently as she could considering her usual monotone voice <XD

Eventually it turns into "..where'd you learn to cook?" "..how long have you known Octo..?" "..do you trust Cuttlefish.?"

She could say kind things about the crew which gets Tuna to lighten up around them. "Octo seems mean but actually he's just blah blah blah..." Next time he interacts with Octo he's less tense. "Seafoam is genuinely as kind as he seems. If ye can trust anyone, its him." He starts listening to Seafoam more..

These interactions would continue to develop more and more. I don't know if he'd ever be able to help her cook anything- considering how strict she is about it <XDD But although I have several more ideas for this, I like this idea of Ellie really softening him up over time..

WAAHDH WALL OF TEXT--- Thank you again so much!!! :DD It makes my heart very happy to hear that you love Tuna and Ellie so much!! 🥰🥰

(Sorry for not being able to transfer your cookie gifs to this post! <:0)

Hmm.. that makes me wonder if the cookie run characters have.. cookies. Like, small cookies that THEY eat.

Something tells me they don't.. Which makes me think that seeing someone eat a normal cookie would still be horrifying! <XDD

@mrslilysnow

Awe! Thank you so much! :DD Such a pleasant and wholesome message to read, truly. :}}

I'm working out my feelings with the fandom.. tbh I think I'm just in a place where my emotions are all outa whack. And I'm just avoiding anything and everything that upsets me. 💔

I'm sure in a few weeks when I get my health back on track I'll feel better about the Octonauts fandom. Perhaps I'll even return with more updated designs! XD

@radicalrainbow

:DDD THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad to hear that!! :}}}

And huh.. its been a while since I've drawn the FNAF string beans hasn't it? Once I can get my health back on track I should draw them again! <XDD

@lampylamperson

Blue!💙💙 :DD Specifically shades similar to what ever this one is XDD 👇👇

:000....... FISH! :DD

@canonickero

SLJFKSJF THAT DISCRIPTION OF THE PIC XDDD JHASKDEJHV

And thank you! This makes me feel a lot better XDD

@beryl-shade

I think the cookie run games have cake/dog things..? I'm assuming the crews pet would be one of those :00

As for the names you've suggested, I love Patty, Pretzel, Muffin and Cornbread XDD such great names! :DD

[irritablepoe]

what do other people get wrong about poe?

YES MORE POE QUESTIONS!! :D thank you anon, you're really given me all the excuses to ramble lmao

tbh there are not many people on here that get him wrong, at least i haven't seen much? though ofc there are other websites *looks at tiktok with squinted eyes* that reduce him to being a sugar daddy boytoy, which... i mean it's funny. but it's also not everything that he is obviously, especially bc i don't think poe really has a concept of money tbh? like i think he has ridiculously expensive essential things (i say essential but i mean i don't think a mansion is particularly essential lmao) and he also buys things he considers important to show off his abilities, like for example the manuscript, but looking at the anthology (which isn't canon but lets pretend it is for a sec) he only has limited clothing and other than many other rich people would he doesn't just hire someone to get them for him yk? (he also lets mori pay i think right? lmao) in conclusion - he spends his money, yes, but he's not throwing it out the window (debatable tho, i'd call 20 mil a waste but he can do it ig?), nor does he spend it much on his own needs.

many people also forget that yes, he is whiny, but he is also extremely dangerous! his ability could trap nearly everyone and make them defenseless! even chuuya spends a while in poe's book and he's highly capable and intelligent! ranpo was near giving up! this is extremely important to his character and a severe bruise on his confidence! i think many forget that

he is a skilled snipper, can replace a car engine (bro watched one yt tutorial and rolled with it i'm so sure about this) and ofc he is a detective and a writer that impressed ranpo (and can also write a mystery in around 15-30 minutes) and is ALSO the architect for the guild. so. yeah. he's multi-talented as shit, i think people should appreciate that more

also (this list is never gonna end lol) i think people mistake his anxiety in social settings for being shy and i just.. don't think he is shy per se? he's quite boastful when it comes to his writing and his ability that comes with it and on the perfect crime trio case he had no problem at all speaking in public and even with the police. i mean an anxious person that would be worried about how he was perceived he would be worried that he'd be found out to be a criminal which he IS, but he just is so sure of himself that he's left no traces that he's just like "*shrug* yeah that happened, anyway, how are you officer? :D" not quite like that ofc but yk i just think he's more anxious in the way that he hates groups of people bc they overwhelm him quickly in regards to noise and conversation (especially small talk i'd guess) and that he just thinks many people he doesn't take interest in are annoying? that might be a lil controversial opinion tbh but i'll gladly remind you of this panel:

(i couldn't find the official translation help)

tho i also have to say that he calls himself shy here so could be both idk:

hm, yeah i think that's it for now. in relations to ranpo i don't like how people sugarcoat them a lot tbh, i know i've said it before but this really bugs me, like yes they're getting along quite well but i wouldn't call their relationship healthy at all? at least not yet, though i can see that it could work very well eventually. i think poe is doing all these things gladly for ranpo but ranpo has to open up way more and tell poe that he appreciates him, like please, this man is so down bad for you. also pls communicate so that poe doesn't lose himself in his obsession, this can't be healthy come onnn, bro has isolated himself for yearssss

yep, i think that's it, ty anon!!!! <33

[sweetfirebird]

My mother and I just had a long conversation about disaster prep and trauma and experience. (She also lived through one of the big fires and evacuations here in recent years. Then went up to Oregon and got caught in their blizzard and long mass power outage in Portland last winter.) And I mentioned how annoying I found it when people teased me for having stuff to help with disasters around as though I haven't been through several major evacuations and fires and floods in the past several years, most of them on my own, and without a big budget or space to store proper backup supplies or anything--not to mention increasingly extreme weather that also needs to be dealt with on a budget. I suppose from the outside it does look like I am letting my known anxiety issues get the better of me but also... everything I keep around or plan for is based on... you know... actual horrible things that have happened in this area and will likely happen again.

Which is why the comments irk me so much. My brother loved to tease me about them but when he was also caught in Portland's long power outage after the blizzard, he could have used some of the shit I keep around. (And now his husband is like, I am going to buy a big generator and more power blocks and all that. Which is good. Good for them. But that is also the kind of stuff you get when you have money and own a home, which I do not. So I am glad they will have them but also maybe back up off me about my weird little makeshift disaster kits.)

Anyway, my number one thing I will tell anyone who asks about disaster stuff to keep in your home is... get a battery powered radio and keep good batteries around. When communications go down and power goes out, you will need a connection to the outside world for information about what to do and what to expect but also.... it is terrifying to suddenly have no contact with the world beyond your street. You are gonna want that radio. Do not count on your cell phone.

[the-morningstar-family]

If you do asthma testing, pack her favourite plushie and maybe a nice blanket to cuddle her with afterwards. It's often very exhausting and draining, and that might help her cope a little easier!

Lucifer and Nova go to a doctor the next day, right after breakfast. Nova is visibly reluctant. But it's a necessary evil. He would know.

But the suggested items did indeed help. Some paper and pens for the in-between test times and it wasn't too bad.

Not a pleasant experience by any means but far less scary too her.

Now they're sitting in the doctor's office, awaiting the results.

Doctor: “I can say with fair certainty that Nova does indeed seem to have asthma. Though it seems it's not too severe, thankfully.”

Lucifer: “Ah- okay, right. So what do we have to look out for?”

Doctor: “Sometimes strenuous activity might cause it, anxiety and stress. It might not always happen, but be prepared just in case. Ah, and something else”

The Doctor shows a picture of Nova's arm during the correlating allergy test. Some squares wher emade on her arm, on it possible allergens poached. All spots look normal except for one pinkish spot with a small bump.

Doctor: “We haven't found anything she's allergic to, besides mold. Now it certainly can be genetic but it's also possible that it's caused by long exposure to it. Might be the cause of the asthma as well.”

Lucifer thinks back to the dirty apartment she lived in, the bugs and the dirt. And yes the mold.

Lucifer: “... That might not be too far off.”

Nova has been so far quite. Tiredly leaning against Lucifer and listening. She peaks up whispering to Lucifer.

Nova: “What's mold?”

Lucifer: “Oh- uh- Mold is like a tiny plant that can sometimes grow in damp places. Sometimes looks like a spot that keeps getting bigger.”

Nova: “Oh. We had that on our walls”

Lucifer: “Yeah, Hun, I'm sorry”

Nova: “That's bad?”

Lucifer: “It's not something you should be around too often, or it might make you sick”

The girl looks a bit put off, he combs through her hair.

Nova: “I'm sick already, right?”

Lucifer: “... yeah”

The doctor pipes in, seeing Lucifer flailing for a way to explain.

Doctor: “So, like you heard before, you have asthma. This means that sometimes your lungs can get a bit tight, especially if you're around mold. But don’t worry, we have a special medicine that will help your lungs feel better and make it easier for you to breathe, so you can keep doing the things you love.”

Nova: “Is it forever?”

Doctor: “It lessens for some as they grow older. But it more often than not stays, sadly”

Nova: “But you'll make it better?”

Doctor, nodding: "We're going to give you a special inhaler. This is a little device that helps you breathe better if your lungs start feeling tight all of a sudden. If you ever feel like it's hard to breathe, you can use your inhaler, it will help your lungs relax quickly. You’ll need to keep it with you just in case, to make sure you can always breathe easily.”

Lucifer: “Should she take it regularly?”

The doctor shakes his head, placing the device in the king's hand.

Doctor: “If it gets more frequent we might give her regular dosing. But for now, we'll only use emergency inhalers. We're giving her salbutamol. If she has trouble breathing, place this end in her mouth, let her breathe in, hold the breath for ten seconds and exhale.”

Nova: “And if it doesn't help?”

Doctor: “After five minutes, you'll try again. If it doesn't help at all, you go to a doctor. But it'll most likely help”

Lucifer: “Right… thanks Doc”

Doctor: “It's not great to have such a diagnosis, but remember, she can still live a mostly normal life.”

[linmeiwei]

OMG! I recently found your stories and

I'm.

In.

Love.

You've rekindled a fire I haven't felt about P&P variations in a very long time! Yes, there are many good writers, but not very many excellent ones! Your Darcy and Elizabeth, their interactions in all stages are—at least to me—so true to their canon selves, I can easily imagine several parallel universes in which Austen herself might have come up with something like I Dreamt or Betrothed!

Another (very, very) important aspect of their dynamic I absolutely adore in your portrayal of ODC is their sensuality and ardour. It's unlike any other I've read so far, and I'm so grateful for the little scenes of intimacy you've given us— in spite of the position of much of the fandom on sex no less!

(Alas, I am greedy fanfic heaux who was raised in fandoms much hornier than this one, so i cant help but wish for Darcy-centric outtakes for Stranded. Does this exist??? Can it????)

Since I don't yet sound desperate enough, let me ask this: Please tell me you're currently writing a new story? I do realise it takes work and effort and time. Nevertheless, i'm fully committed to being the needy, greedy reader and have therefore no shame in demanding ever more!!

(in reality, of course, I'm beyond thankful for what we have, and can't wait to read all your stories from back to front again and again and again once I've rampaged all the way through, which, at my current speed, should take just another couple of hours, lol 💗💗💗)

Oh wow, thank you so much! It genuinely means so much to me that someone reads what I write, let alone likes it. It's so nice to hear, genuinely, thank you.

Partially, I'm a little flustered reading comments like this, because I write so painfully slowly, and honestly have to go through fifty complete re-writes (as in start from scratch-go again) before I think a story fit to be seen by the eyes of another human being, and even then I'm a bundle of anxiety until the first review comes in. But the fandom has been so forgiving of my many mistakes and so kind in their feedback, and so that really helps me keep going. So, again, thank you!

It does mean that I'm slow with producing more work, though! I do in fact have a completed draft of another novel, that I am now letting rest before I start re-working it again. Which is my long-winded way of saying that, yes, there's something new coming out at some point, but I really don't know when it will be ready (I'm really rather ashamed of how long it's taking me). I have a little toddler and a full time job, which doesn't help, I'm afraid!

Oh and the sex scenes! Yay, I love a good sex scene! I also love horny P&P variations! And I'm so rubbish at writing them, lol! My genuine position on this is that the sex scene comes if it feels right that it should be there (like, in Betrothed it felt right to be more descriptive when it happens, because something fundamental changes for Elizabeth at that point in the narrative, and she breaks the distance between them, purposefully, er, letting him in, so to speak). Stranded was my first novel, so I didn't really know how to do this stuff, so it's coy and full of banter, rather than anything remotely explicit. I hadn't thought about writing any extra scenes for that one, but maybe I will (and if I do, I'll pop it on AO3 for everyone to laugh at :D)!

[elysia-nsimp]

TWST Headcanons!

Hello everyone! I'm starting a new series where I infodump about my headcanons for twst characters. Feel free to request certain characters if I haven't done them already. To start off, here's Jamil Viper! Please ignore the awful quality I swear I tried to fix it

So to start off, what changed physically?

His right eye isn't grey--it's muted green with red in the center. This is the eye his signature spell primarily comes from, which is where the red came from.

he has an eyebrow cut because i have one and its COOL

He has a widow's peak! (That's the point in his hairline, if that term is unfamiliar to you)

He has long, pointed ears. I will elaborate later.

He also has several gold earrings! He has 3 hoops on his other ear.

His tongue is split at the edge. It's not super visible in this card, though.

He also has a tongue piercing, it's a teardrop-shaped Ruby. He takes very good care of it.

Lastly, he has LONG fangs. They poke out of his mouth a little bit.

Elysia, what are these changes for?

Great question! Almost all of these have an explainable reason (except the eyebrow cut and the split tongue thing I just decided he would do that just because), and I'm here to explain them!

So to start off, what is Jamil? In canon, he's a human, pretty simple, but I decided humans are BORING and Jamil deserved to be non-human like the other super cool epic characters like the twins and Malleus (personal opinion alert). In this AU, Jamil is still partially human--mostly human, even--with both his parents being human (mostly), but further up his family tree, there are traces of both gorgon and genie ancestry. How'd he get those in his family tree? Well, long long time ago, an ancestor of Kalim found a lamp that Jafar used to inhabit. As their final wish, they freed the genie. As thanks, the genie decided to stick around and continue to offer help here and there. That genie found a partner out of their lamp, and thus, began the Viper family. Somewhere along the line, one of Jamil's relatives fell in love with a gorgon. Does this mean Jamil can grant wishes? Absolutely not. However, it IS why his family has been serving the Asims for generations.

What new abilities does this grant Jamil?

Honestly, not many changes about him. He isn't even aware he's not fully human, though he has questioned why he looks different than others. Here are a couple things that have been added or changed, though.

He's more inclined to want to help you if you preface whatever you want with "I wish" (he does not even notice this, do not mention it)

He's venomous! If he bites you, it'll paralyze you for about a half an hour, maybe an hour at the worst. He doesn't use this ability much... only if he feels like he or Kalim is in danger or he just REALLY wants someone to shut up.

He reall.y likes lamps.... he has no clue why he just likes lamps

His emotions are slightly easier read, because his ears tilt up or down depending on how he feels and he has zero control over that.

He has a slight lisp that he has spent YEARS training himself out of because of the fangs. It's barely noticeable if you're not listening for it.

Some other headcanons!

These are unrelated to the species change, but still worth mentioning!

Jamil's bisexual, but he was in HEAVY DENIAL for a DAMN long time. He just prefers he/him.

oh boy here's some diagnoses for you: Major clinical depression, anxiety/paranoia (lesser impact), C-PTSD, AUTISM!!!!!!! (he just like me frfr) (also he lives in his mask so it took him a while to figure that out), POTS, assorted other CHRONIC PAIN that hasn't been diagnosed yet

He collects gold jewelry because Kalim used to always want to buy him gold things. Its kind of just become habit to collect anything that looks gold because it was one of the nicer things in his childhood.

He takes EXTREMELY good care of all his jewelry! Especially the tongue gem, since it's the most likely to get infected.

Jamil has joint issues. It's not so substantial that he can't function, but sometimes his arm will pop out of place or ache like all HELL if he overworks himself too much. This is what he uses the arm brace for and why you see him rubbing his arm often. (this is partially based in canon, partially projection because I too am in chronic pain)

mention whipped cream around him and he will go insane (/neg/hj) (based on other RPs he's been in where it's a running gag revolving around him)

He and Najma both don't have great relationships with their parents. Especially after Book 4 and some mandated therapy, Jamil grew bitter of how much his parents pulled him back and made him fear just... talking to Kalim (ofc a lot more went into his blaming of Kalim, but his parents' influence was extremely damaging).

Jamil is extremely overprotective of Najma, even if he acts like she's a major nuisance in his life.

One time he passed out in front of Najma (which made her panic), only for him to sit the fuck back up, walk to the kitchen, and down an entire thing of salt in front of poor Najma's very eyes. She was HORRIFIED, but started laughing once he confirmed he was okay. (This is related to the POTS)

Jamil knows how to pick up fingerprints and has done so on several occasions (mostly to catch Najma after she stole his food)

This is all I can think of off the top of my head. This post may be edited in the future, but for now, thanks for reading my first in-depth headcanon post!!!

[i984]

Signing off...

Hello! I want to start this post by telling you guys something really interesting...

Tl;dr: I'm taking a break for a month due to severe stress and performance anxiety, plus college and work is kicking me in the arse, but do send requests and prompts in because I need to write them FLUFF to get rid of the stress. Love ya!

So a month ago I stumbled upon a really amazing writer here on tumblr dearest, and I immediately fell in love with their work. It was so well written, and I couldn't comprehend the fact that it was the first ever story they've ever written and they wrote it under such circumstances that if I were to be put in their position, I can guarantee I wouldn't even be able to string a coherent sentence.

Anyway, that really got me thinking.

It's been two months since I first started writing, and revisiting old works of mine reveals something along the lines of "I'm not improving," and "I'm not creative."

It's been a problem I seem to notice, is that I struggle a lot with characterization (ESPECIALLY this) and pacing, among other things that makes me view my works mostly as blegh.

I know comparing is probably not the best way to develop, and I wouldn't say I'm envious of people's talents (because it's obvious some people are just so great at stuff lmao) but it's more like I'm disappointed in myself I guess(?)

In the collective 20 works that I've published over the two months, I still can't fully grasp what works and what doesn't with the Fandom, and I can't quite identify nor fix the problems in my writings. Combined with the burn out, this makes writing a very painful process for me even though I really want to enjoy it.

I rely very heavily on external validations and to see that in the midst of the dead Fandom (when compared to when it's at its peak), people can still garner almost 1k notes in the span of a week (and I can see why it's very well loved), posting here just makes me so stressed when I shouldn't even be.

It got so bad to the point I have trouble breathing every time I think about writing, and although now it doesn't happen as often, the performance anxiety is pretty much there.

Work, as well as college too has been a pretty great contributor for my stress and to put writing on top of that is just excruciating for me.

And that's why I'm taking a break!

It'll probably a month break like how I've stated in previous post, because it's become apparent I need rest LMAO

Thank you so much for the support you guys have shown and sent my way, I want to say that I really appreciate it! Honestly I wouldn't get this far without you guys, I love you so much!

I've set some reblogs for other creator's works while I'm gone, because I've been meaning to read but I just haven't found the opportunity for it. People here make such great works <3

If you guys have any requests, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO SEND THEM IN. I know this might feel contradictory but as I pointed out, I'm not really imaginative or creative, and I really want to write things, but most of the time I cant come up with anything or what I think is good isn't what you guys want (I know I still have a bunch of requests sitting around, but like I said I write when inspiration struck me).

So yes, send requests in so that I can do some writing during the break, and hopefully come back with a bunch of requests already done and ready to post!

Also, if you guys make it this far, I've got a surprise for you which is I'm finally trying to work on the series I've been planning to do since January HAHA! We'll have to see where it takes me but right now I have so much ideas running around in my brain and not enough waking hour in the day to develop and write it.

How do you guys feel about lord crime v.s. master detective trope BECAUSE I AM CRAZY ABOUT IT.

I'll see you guys when I do :) Love you! ❤

Special thanks to:

@missmonsters2 and @robiin-buckley for being the people who literally BURNS my heart with the desire and give me the courage to write, I wouldn’t be here without you 🥺💘

@ocyrus for being my first ever anon, I cannot stress how much I owe you <3

@tulipsbymybed for hyping me up when I first started and when I thought my work is a shitshow.

@vorsdanysstuff for being the first person to reblog my stuff and says some very very nice things about it and gave me more confidence to write, and also. For finding me and being the love of my life. I treasure you with my whole being.

@wol-fica for feeding me with cat pictures and being my lovely wife who misses me when I'm gone and makes picrews of us together, I love you so much 💓

@maryannecrimsworth for noticing my username and for loving my blogs questionable aesthetic, and for talking to me about dystopia and being my favorite lil bro!

@cursedchar for being the awkward mutual at first but now we spew chaos every where and every time we talk and interact. Honestly, you bring the wild side in me out to the world. Still hate your angsty stuff tho.

@tundra1029 FOR BEING THE ICON THAT GIVES GOOD ASS AMAZING PROMPTS and being a super lovely person and a great writer, I love you buddy <3

@alexkolax for well. You know me the most out of everyone in this site. My respect and trust for you is through the roof and cannot be expressed with mere words. Thank you for being here, Lex.

@ricosnumber1fan for being there in most of my works. I still think about you and scroll through your comments and reblogs. You're the best (second to sourdough tho).

@theflamboyantshadow for always leaving amazing comments under my posts, you are the sweetest person ever and I really wish you a great fucking life. Love you.

@iamnicodemus for writing that dragon Wednesday fic... and LEAVING THE MOST FLATTERING REBLOGS. ILYSM AND. you always make me smile when I think of you LMAO

@literally everybody else who've single handedly kept me alive and well on this site, I appreciate all your little asks, reblogs, comments, likes, and just UGH my heart aches for every single one of you.

Pray I return soon.

[boonsmoon]

Bonjour,

Je voulais savoir si vous étiez d accord de faire une requete d histoire sur Crimson ( ragna crimson): ce serait reader qui travaille avec Crimson et ressens des sentiments pour lui mais celui-ci reste distant pour le moment avant de devenir jaloux a cause du rapprochement de Ragna envers celle ci ( ils sont juste amis eux deux mais voir crimson jaloux est amusant) et décide d avouer ses sentiments a celle ci a sa façon ^^ ( j espère que j ai su bien expliquer ^^) ( en tout cas j ai adorer toutes vos autres histoires)

Translation:

Hello, I wanted to know if you agreed to do a story request on Crimson (ragna crimson): it would be a reader who works with Crimson and has feelings for him but he remains distant for the moment before becoming jealous because of the Ragna's rapprochement towards this one (the two of them are just friends but seeing Crimson jealous is amusing) and decides to confess his feelings to this one in his own way ^^ (I hope I was able to explain well ^^) (in any case I loved all your other stories)

Yes I'll do it! Yes you explained it well and thank you for loving my stories <3 I'm seeing a severe lack of male reader, so I'm doing that

Request Masterlist Crimson x m!reader Genres:🎉🌸💞🧪

Jealousy Of A Magician

You and Crimson haven't been working together long, about a hundred years or so. You were free spirited and often roamed without a goal, no one to guide you. It was doomed to be this way considering you are part of the Bloodline of Claws.

Joining Crimson was done completely on a whim. It gave you time to burn in this world until you found someone capable of killing you.

What you didn't expect was to develop feelings for the dragon. You never acted on them, though. You didn't think your mental or physical health would be able to take the stress of confession. Crimson was also clearly goal oriented and didn't have time for frivolous things like feelings and a relationship.

The magician, however, felt very strongly towards you. But you couldn't know that, no one could. Crimson needs to stay focused on killing the Dragon God, and he doesn't need to start putting effort into making his subjects view you differently.

That all changed when Ragna started begging to join you two. He was strong, that was obvious, and Crimson knew he would make a useful tool.

But Ragna was also perfect for you, not just as an enemy but a partner as well. With his abilities Ragna could easily kill you, but instead he chose to grow stronger with you instead.

You two got along so easily, bonding over the strength you had compared to peers, never having one place to call home, and especially the social anxiety.

Your close friendship with Ragna started to make Crimson angry, it should be him you're spending time with, not some lowly human! Alas, such emotions can't be shown, not if any progress must be made.

The pressure became too much, however, and Crimson caved into the burning feeling in his chest. He had to tell you something, anything to make you dislike Ragna.

So he did, Ragna was out on a 'mission' with Slime when he came to you, "we need to talk about a few things." Your heart raced immediately.

What could you have done to anger Crimson? "Whatever it was, I apologize! Please, please forgive me." You begged the dragon, you can't handle being thrown out of another 'home.'

"I will forgive you once you bother with that irritating human less," he didn't look angry, but it could be heard in his tone. This was what baffled you, though. Crimson was angry...for interacting with Ragna?

"May I ask why..?" You were curious, this wasn't like the magician at all.

Crimson looked irritated at your question, "I don't need you being in a relationship with a pathetic human! If anything it should be me, not him." You could've swore Crimson was about to throw a fit over this.

While you dare not laugh, you had to cover your smile at the reasoning, "Crimson, I see Ragna as more of a son than a lover. But I accept your sentiment."

"You speak not a word of this to anyone," he said, turning around and walking away in hopes you didn't see the red on his face.

this was fun to write!

hope i translated correctly, i used google for it lol

[indignantlemur]

🌟

OH MY GOODNESS, ANON, I AM SO SORRY! I didn't see a notification about your ask at all! I only found it by clicking on my inbox by mistake! You have my most profound apologies for neglecting you! For this one, I feel like rambing on a bit about Chapter 46!

Spoilers below the cut for folks that haven't caught up to the latest chapter!

Chapter 46 picks up shortly after the end of chapter 45, and is a much more introspective and static chapter than the previous two, which were full of vibrancy, colour, and activity.

For the most part, I wanted this chapter to be about Dagmar and Shral and how they've progressed from the early days - but more importantly, it was an excellent time to address some lingering questions that had been hanging over Dagmar's head for a while now. Dagmar has mentioned that she has a bunch of questions before, but she's never actually managed to find a moment to ask some of them that felt right until now. There is a lingering sense of strong attraction throughout the scene, of giddiness and excitement, but it's balanced with caution and reserve. As much as I had fun writing spicy content for Dagmar and Shral after so long, now wasn't the time for the scene to lean towards that again. This chapter was supposed to be about intimacy without sex.

There's a bizarre and terrifying intensity about letting a new partner undress you for the first time (chapter 45 doesn't quite count), and for some there is a horrible, profound anxiety and sense of vulnerability that comes with that as well. There's a lot of non-verbal checking in, which is just so important, but also there's the way that Shral reaches for her face first above all other options that speaks of a kind of regard that bodes very well for their future. It's very much a deliberate choice on his part.

As the chapter progresses, Dagmar finally asks a very important question, which leads to a much, much overdue conversation between our intrepid heroes. We also see more about the level of insight that Dagmar now has into Shral's character, where before he was still very much a mystery. She's able to puzzle out a lot of his behaviours now, with the help of the bond, but she's also aware that without the fledgling bond she may never have managed. Moreover, Shral is hyperaware of this as well, and was agitated enough about it to conveniently neglect to mention a few small details that provided him with a sense of affirmation without him having to actually ask for it.

“I should have explained at the time,” Shral murmured when she remained quiet, his eyes flicking down and away as his antennae lowered into a posture she hadn’t seen on him before; curled close to his brow in submission. She’d witnessed that positioning before, of course - usually when Thoris was bossing someone around - but never on Shral. Never towards her.  He was behaving as though he expected her to be a lot angrier than she was. The fact that she hadn’t reacted according to his expectations seemed to confuse him.  “I’m not angry. I could have asked then and I didn’t,” Dagmar began slowly, watching Shral carefully as his antennae perked up and he glanced up at her again. The bond seemed to swell with a feeling she struggled to name, but whatever it was it left the impression of disbelief mingled with several other very complicated feelings. It dimmed considerably when she continued, “but I would like to know why you didn’t say anything.”  “Foolishness, mostly,” Shral answered, brutally honest in the quiet of the room, as water dripped and steam curled. “And perhaps a little selfishness.”  That last bit caught Dagmar’s interest. “Selfishness?”  “I knew you didn’t realise what it meant…” A grimace stole over Shral’s features, but he held her gaze and spoke with that same blunt, upfront tone, trailing off abruptly as if he hadn’t figured out how to finish the sentence yet. That alone was unusual. 

For the record, this is not a good behaviour and even Shral recognises that. Dagmar is rightly dismayed by the whole thing. If it had been much more alarming issue being discussed, such as a binding arrangement versus what she flippantly describes as advertising big feelings, she probably would have been justifiably angry about it. The fact that Shral very clearly knows that he was in the wrong both helps his case and hurts it, here. Instead of getting angry, Dagmar takes the time to consider the matter - and her reaction - carefully. This is probably what I love most about Dagmar: she can be reactive under the right circumstances, but she vastly prefers to stop and think things through more often than not. Dagmar tends towards problem-solving over emotional outbursts more often than not, and this conversation is no different.

Instead of choosing the confrontational route, she bypasses it entirely by expressing a gentle, remarkably forgiving sort of disappointment in Shral's choices and proposes an alternate course of action in the future. It's very clear to them both that they need to make an effort to talk more openly at this point.

Not bad! Actually a pretty mature approach to the issue overall! You know, except for the bit where Dagmar conveniently neglects to mention that she's planning on harassing her poor doctor for a basic Andorian sex ed class in a few days, which would explain a lot of her weird behaviours to Shral at that moment.

This is also not ideal behaviour, and in fact rather hypocritical of her. Does Dagmar realise this? No, no she does not.

Shral’s eyes, vividly green and flecked with gold, narrowed shrewdly at her. “Perhaps you should lead by example and elaborate about your experiences with our security checkpoints.” 

Shral, of course, immediately turns the tables of Dagmar using her own words against her, and then we come to The Hair Thing.

Shral is understandably dismayed and displeased to learn that his girlfriend basically let the security officers paw at her hair, which is apparently vastly more important to her culturally than he'd previously been aware of, instead of just asking for him to come vouch for her. Worse, she demeans the value of her customs and culture like it doesn't matter - like she doesn't matter - which is blatantly insulting to both of them, really.

“I see.” Shral sighed, and the bond carried a strange kind of weight across the gap between them. It felt heavy, stifling. “I’d better ask if I’ve overstepped similarly, then.” 

Then there's the dawning horror of realising that he basically did the same thing not an hour ago. Actually, what he did was probably worse. After all, what would Shral know about it? She's as alien to him as he is to her, after all, and if Dagmar says her hair is supposed to be kept up and away from prying eyes for some sort of alien modesty thing, then he's very probably made some kind of horrendous faux pas by yanking on it during sex. Never mind that she pulled his hair, too (and we will discuss Shral's incredibly slutty hair cut some other time) - he's Andorian. It's not the same.

The scene progresses from there, and we learn a little more about the bond as well. By the end of the chapter we get an idea as to how their dynamic has shifted from this single conversation, just a little, to something just a tiny bit stronger than before.

“Are all Humans so adaptable?” Shral wondered with a narrow slash of a smile, shifting in his seat. Dagmar couldn’t imagine he was particularly comfortable on that footstool after so long - it wasn’t exactly designed for comfortable sitting. “Or are you simply determined to surprise me at every turn?”

By the end of the chapter we've learned that Shral is an uptight, emotionally constipated man who dislikes ambiguity in any form and yet also has a very low confidence level where his ability to predict Dagmar is concerned. He thought she'd be angry with him - she wasn't. He thought she'd uncomfortable with the bond and avoid using it - she wasn't and very clearly didn't. Earlier in Chapter 45, he'd most likely expected to be some kind of celibate for months according to some cursory research on her strange, alien customs - she threw that idea out the window immediately. Even in some of their earliest interactions, Shral's simple prediction that Dagmar would dislike vithi on principle, since Humans seemed somewhat averse to especially bitter things, was completely off. At every turn, Shral fails to entirely predict Dagmar. He can make accurate guesses most of the time, but every now and then shejust randomly jukes left when he anticipates her going right, and it's both utterly maddening and terribly interesting.

Whatever else he might feel at the time, Shral is never bored when Dagmar is around.

Alright, that's it! Ramble: completed! Thanks for the ask, anon! <3

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 I Was Born for This Book Review 🦇

❝ In an otherwise mediocre existence, we choose to feel passion. ❞

❓ #QOTD What band did you love just a little too much growing up?

[ Find my review below or on Insta | Storygraph | Literal ]

❝ Most adults see teenagers as confused kids who don't understand much, while they're the pillars of knowledge and experience and know exactly what is right at all times. I think the truth is that everyone in the entire world is confused and nobody understands much of anything at all. ❞ 🦇 Alice Oseman's I Was Born for This is an exploration of friendship, self-identity, and the effects of fame. "Angel" Rahimi lives and breathes one thing: The Ark, a boy band of growing, world-renowned fame. Joining The Ark's fandom has given Angel her best friend, Juliet, a community, and a place in the world. Too bad her Muslim family can't understand why The Ark takes up so much space in Angel's boundless heart. The band's frontman, Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, knows The Ark owes their fans everything, but sometimes...they're a bit much. It doesn't help that their more intense fans are shipping Jimmy and his bandmate, Rowan, or that their constant presence is triggering his anxiety. When Angel visits Juliet in London to meet the band for the first time, reality comes crashing down on all of them. Sometimes, fame isn't all it seems.

💜 It's no surprise that Alice Oseman has artistically explored coming-of-age themes through the universal concept of connecting through music. The Ark and resulting fandom give Angel a family and community; a sense of belonging she lacked in high school. At the same time, her position in the fandom has erased her individualism and identity (her real name is Fereshteh, which translates to Angel). As much as she loves the band, she's not IN love with them though. The Boys--Jimmy, Rowan, and Lister--have lost parts of themselves as well. Fans see the versions of them they want to see, and The Boys, knowing they owe their fans everything, smile and play their parts. They don't see Jimmy's debilitating anxiety, the relationship Rowan is trying to hide from the press, or Lister's depression, alcoholism, or bruised bisexual heart.

🦇 This is a deeply character-driven story; a story that's focused on growing up through friendships and found family, NOT romantic entanglements. As always, Oseman excels at creating diverse, nuanced characters, including: 🎵 Jimmy: trans, biracial Indian and Italian, gay, with severe anxiety 🎵 Angel: Iranian, hijabi, Muslim, queer and questioning 🎵 Rowan: biracial, Nigerian, and very protective of Jimmy 🎵 Lister: bisexual struggling with alcoholism and depression

🦇 One of the most important messages in this story is to love yourself first. The Boys get lost in their fame, which leads them to neglect who they are and what they need, while Angel loses herself (and potentially, her future) in the fandom. As a coming-of-age story, it's also a reminder that it's okay NOT to be okay; that recognizing as much doesn't make you weak, but human. However, I do think the final act is a little messy. Since the story is character-driven, the first half drags, while the second half feels like a tangle of ideas and motivations. I think the story would have been stronger if it focused on the three boys; if they gained Angel's perspective through a fan letter instead. There's so much to Rowan and Lister's story we haven't seen yet.

🦇 Recommended to fans of diverse casts, coming-of-age stories, and all things Alice Oseman.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🎵 Muslim MC / Trans MC 🎶 Dual POV 🎸 Exploring Identity, Friendship, Fame 🎶 Mental Health Rep 🎵 Connection Through Music

🦇 TW: panic attacks, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, assault, suicide attempt

[fqirycollective]

Roles We've Coined

Dissociation Aid

As a polyfragmented system, we are constantly dissociated to some degree. However, we aren't always in danger anymore. So whenever we get too dissociated without a trauma trigger, we've noticed we have an alter that switches in and it significantly lowers our dissociation levels. We call this a dissociation aid, and our dissociation aid is Toni. Because we figure this isn't specific to polyfragmented systems, any traumagenic system.

Preventive Protector - tw for mentions of programming!

Okay! This is a rename of a role we found on pluralpedia. Debugger was the original term and it referred to a type of protector who prevented the system from falling back into patterns of abuse. However, our system felt as though debugger itself might imply programming as like. Someone debugging a computer programming? Because of the similarities in terminology, we approched Alex and asked for his help coming up with a new term because obviously all systems can experience that. It really doesn't matter what you use, but we prefer this term so I thought I'd share it!

Fledgling

As a polyfragmented system, we have an extremely high amount of fragments. But the line where fragment and fully formed alter blurs so we coined a term to determine between the fragments (what we call fledglings) and the fragmented fragments (fragments). Fledglings may have basis of a name, pronouns, sexuality, gender, etc. but not much more while fragments may only have one or so. We have a more in-depth post on this, so I'll leave it here!

Confidence Booster

This is a part who fronts to appear more confident, specifically when giving a presentation or while receiving criticism. This was coined with people with anxiety and ADHD in mind (specifically social anxiety and ADHDers who experience RSD as those are the experiences that cause are parts with this role to front in our system and thus caused a need for the role), but it can be used by anyone! Just keep in mind we coined it with those people in mind.

Dopamine Inducer

This is a role in which an alter has less severe ADHD symptoms than the rest of the system, even the non-symptom holders. For us, this meant he was able to keep focus easier, get more done, pay mpre attention to detail and hygiene, etc. This is specific to ADHD systems.

Health/Sleep Aid

Our health aid frequently visits co-con during the sick seasons to remind us of things to help keep us healthy, as well as to front if we are sick to help take care of whatever is making us sick. Our sleep aid helps us specifically when we have a harder time sleeping at night for whatever reason, but she's also been known to keep us in bed if she thinks we haven't gotten enough sleep.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

"Thanks for agreeing to hold the party here," Roman said, looking proudly at the decorations he'd bought and the impressive cake he'd made for his son's important day. It wasn't every day that your kid turned fourteen and Roman wanted to make the party special.

Ewan Traver merely shrugged back at him, like it was nothing to use his estate to entertain a group of hyper teenagers. Truthfully, nothing seemed to bother the duke, and it made Roman incredibly uneasy to see such a laid back parenting style. Maybe if he lived on a tropical island and hadn't been a teenage father, Roman might be the same. But then again, Adrian had grown up in Twikkii Island, and he was just as bad as Roman when it came to his clingy parenting style.

"It's all good," Ewan assured his guest. "The kids love having their friends over and we have more than enough space to accommodate them. Tell you what. If you make one of those bat cakes for Bronwen's birthday, I'd be in your debt. Not many bakeries have vampire friendly designs, and it would mean a lot to her."

"Done," Roman agreed, eager to continue his party setup and ditch the hovering duke. "Is everyone here? I haven't done a head count."

"All of them are present and accounted for," Ewan confirmed. "I think they've found the pool table. If I know my kids, they're probably hustling the group. Never bet against a vampire or witch in a contest of skill."

"Uh...huh." Roman had no idea of what to say to this man. He was the father of Theo's closest friends though, so Roman tried his best. Ewan wasn't snobby or pretentious, nor was he trapped in the same constant anxiety that Adrian felt being a duke. If anything, the man reminded Roman of an eager puppy, excited and ready for anything fun. If Roman had to blindly guess who was married to stuffy, curt Edana, he would never have guessed Ewan in a million years.

"Where is Edana? Does she want to help set up?"

For the briefest of seconds, Ewan's face fell before he could correct it. It wasn't anger or frustration that Roman had briefly saw, but some kind of sadness. He didn't resent his wife like Roman would have assumed with such an emotionally mismatched couple. Instead, it almost looked like the look he sometimes caught Abe giving him whenever the subject of Roman's family came up. Ewan was just as worried about Edana as Abe worried about him. It was touching to see, and it gave Roman hope that the children of this man also inherited that same compassion. Any friends of Theo needed some extra compassion should anything terrible happen to their friend, and if Elowen and Bronwen were anything like their father, Theo would be in good hands.

"Edana's working," Ewan explained. "She's got this huge research project she's working on and it's very important. She promised to come up for cake though."

With the noise of a birthday party around her, Edana was finding it difficult to concentrate on her work. Several excited teenagers crowding around a pool table did not make it easy to stare endlessly at photo after photo of boring historical records.

Truthfully, she would much rather be upstairs, ensuring that the teens behaved like the young magical apprentices most of them were instead of staring at ancient records. She was certain that Adam was probably letting that demon hybrid of his push past acceptable boundaries, and that Remy and Elowen were likely trying to do some juvenile prank like spiking the punch or whatever it was that teens did these days. Ewan could handle the party itself, but his wife needed to be the stern authority figure ensuring that nothing went awry.

But her brother had given her a mission that superseded everything else. No one escaped death to pass something unimportant to their angry sister. For the measures he had taken to see her, Edana knew that this required her full attention. Something big had to be at stake and she wasn't about to stand over the dead bodies of her friends again, not when she could have prevented it. What if something happened to one of her children? She would never recover from that loss. If it took hours hunched over a computer to save her family, then it was worth all of it.

He said that the Darktides were in danger, but we're not originally from Strangetown, our ancestors are from Pleasantview. Why care so much about a supernatural being from another country?

Why did the answer to a mystery in Twikkii Island all revolve around Strangetown or Josh Toyonaga's husband? They lived in Strangetown, but neither of them came to Twikkii Island regularly. They came from time to time to visit Ewan and Edana, but not often. Besides, Josh's own mother died in that explosion. He wasn't close to the former queen consort, but Edana could never accuse him of murder. She'd seen for herself how devastated he'd been at her funeral.

Couldn't Adam have been at least a little more specific about this threat? If he hadn't spent so much time being a jackass, he could have explained this threat easily and she wouldn't be forever wandering libraries to search for whatever it was she was supposed to be looking for.

"There!" she gasped, scrolling back to a picture she'd nearly missed. "Finally!"

Atem Spector and his mother, Morganna Grunt, in the palace of Alpheus Toyonaga, Strangetown, Circa 678, photo from a private collection.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" Edana groaned, desperately scanning the photo for clues that might point her in the right direction.

The picture was blurry and barely showed what Atem looked like. His eyes were closed and his hair could have easily been dirty blonde or brown. The woman beside him didn't look much like her son. Green skin with green eyes. He must have taken after his father.

The year 678 would place this picture right in the middle of the Demon Wars. If she ignored Master Thorne's warning, she could probably summon a demon that old. It was only 2210, surely something that old would still respond to a summons?

No, Master Thorne was right. Adam would have rushed headfirst into summoning something that old. Edana was the smart one. The careful one. The one currently fearing for her family's safety.

She'd never seen a blood demon before. No one alive likely hadn't either. She used to sit on the memorial to Alpheus outside of the public library when she did her schoolwork as a girl. The shrine to the powerful blood demon always inspired her to strive for power like his. Perhaps that was why her coven had stumbled in the end. Power like that came with a price too high for mortals to pay. Her son's boyfriend worried her with his own power, but she was comforted by the fact that Alpheus had been a full demon, while Theo was merely a hybrid. He was dangerous, sure, but nothing like the demons of the past.

Master Thorne was displaced from another time, centuries ago where maybe he'd seen a blood demon for himself. He probably knew what he was talking about; witches and warlocks had differing practices back then, and not all of them were moral. Still, the urge to throw caution aside to play with something that far overpowered her was intense. What would it be like to see a demon so powerful? Would it be like staring at Anna Goldman's true reaper form, beautiful and terrible all at once?

"Dammit!" she swore, throwing one of her reference books across the room. "What am I supposed to do with this, Adam? None of this makes any sense! Just tell me how to save my family!"

"Edana?" Ewan's worried voice floated down the stairs, grounding her in her surrounding once more. In her anger, she'd worried her poor husband and been just as rash and improper as she forbid her children to be. This mystery was getting to her, but she couldn't worry her family or travel down forbidden paths like her brother.

"Everything's fine, honey," she called, picking up the book she'd thrown. "I just knocked a book over. I think I'm making progress though."

"Okay, well we're going to cut the cake now, if you wanted to join us. Theo's dad made it."

"Yeah, yeah okay. I'll be right up."

By the time Edana made it up the stairs, the cake was already cut and the teens were having a birthday toast with what she hoped was ginger ale. Ewan knew better than to let champagne anywhere near the kids who were all studying magic at a level he was incapable of matching. Their alcohol was stored safely in a locked cabinet, but Edana knew better than to trust a simple lock to keep the teens out. Elowen was getting better each day at subverting her mother's traps. Between her and Remy, Edana was going to have to be on top of her game to parent her children.

"To the birthday boy, Theo." Ewan toasted. The teens followed his example and clinked their glasses together to toast the young demon.

"To Theo!"

"Alright, cake and ginger ale is on the table if anyone wants refills," Roman said. "You guys have fun, and if you need anything, the grown ups are going to be here, doing boring grown up stuff."

"Ugh, Dad, I'm not four," Theo groaned, shooting his father a nasty glare. "We don't need 'grown ups' for anything. We're fine."

"Well the grown ups have actual champagne to drink, so we'll be fine too," Ewan laughed before Roman could snap at his son. "Go have fun. We certainly will be."

"Gross," Adam said, looking at his step-father like he had three heads. "Are our parents friends now? I don't like it."

"My dad doesn't have any friends," Theo replied snarkily. "At least we know they'll get along at our wedding."

"Ha ha, you two are funny," Roman grumbled, reaching for the bottle of champagne Ewan had produced. "Go have fun while the adults have their own party."

"Your mom is getting worse," Eliana said, while lining up her shot. The three sisters were pool enthusiasts and far too skilled to hustle anyone. No one believed that they could beat any of the sisters, so most of the gambling was on which of the sisters would win.

"You're not wrong," Remy replied. "She spends all her time at home on the computer and all her time at school in her office. I think my dad is worried about her, but he doesn't want to say anything."

"What do you think she's working on?" Eliana asked. "Not all of us are witches who know what mysterious secret she's looking for."

"You don't have to be a witch to figure it out," Elowen answered. "She's upset about Uncle Adam. She's always upset about Uncle Adam. It must be his like birthday or death date or something lame like that. I see her staring at pictures of him at school all the time."

"Nah, I think she's worried about Adam Jr and his demon companion," Remy laughed. "She's looking stuff up about demons, really old demons. All the blood demons died ages ago or whatever and she's worried that Adam's going to get himself killed too. Maybe one day, Theo's going to snap and kill us all and she wants to be ready."

"Remy, be serious," Eliana said. "The last person Theo's going to snap and kill is Adam. I don't think that those two can stand to be away from each other for even an hour."

"Yeah, you're right," Remy conceded. "They're probably making out downstairs and skipping the rest of the party."

"You and Theo should really come to the school dance next semester. Josh is taking me and my uncles said that I could wear one of my mom's dresses to it. It's going to be a lot of fun, and outside students can come by invitation."

"I don't know, Medora, Theo would probably want to go, but I'm not really into dances. The ones at our own school are more than enough for me."

Adam fidgeted, trying to politely refuse the invitation to a pretentious dance that he would likely be completely miserable at. Medora was really excited and Theo would love to let loose and dance wherever he could, so it felt like he had to say yes, despite his reservations.

"What's this about a dance?"

Theo waved at his friend and boyfriend, watching Adam's face flush like he was hiding something.

"It's only the largest dance in the school that isn't prom," Medora exclaimed. "I think we're supposed to practice our social and political skills or whatever, but it's a dance! I have my outfit all picked out. My uncles are letting me use my mom's clothes and jewelry and Josh has a matching outfit that will look amazing."

"Aren't you wearing your mom's dress now?" Adam asked, gesturing to the photo behind them. "That's your mom isn't it? My step-dad's sister?"

Medora was the spitting image of her mother, especially when she wore Tristianne's clothes. The resemblance was remarkable, something Theo was sure the princess heard all the time.

"This?" Medora repeated, looking offended. "Adam, I know that you have no knowledge of fashion, especially when it comes to what a princess gets to wear, but this is not one of my mom's dresses. Her dresses cost about the same as a year of tuition."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." Adam didn't look like he really understood or cared about Medora's wardrobe, but he didn't want to be rude to an orphan trying to connect to her mother in whatever way she could. If he lost his father or step-father, maybe he'd want to use one of their suits to remember them too. His father's warlock robes probably cost a small fortune and since his recently discovered half-brother wasn't a warlock, Ewan's robes would likely go to his only magical son.

"I was just about to get my swimsuit, but I was going to head back to get another piece of cake," Theo announced, while his boyfriend mentally compiled his likely inheritance. "Wanna come with me?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. That cake was awesome," Adam replied. "Do you want some too Medora?"

"No thanks, I'm going to get changed too. The pool is calling my name. Can you believe that I live in a castle, and we don't even have a pool on the property? My grandfather says we don't have the infrastructure to support one, but he's the king. He can hire someone to install whatever it needs."

"A pool's not everything," Adam pointed out. "It's a lot of work and uses a lot of water for a desert nation like Strangetown. My step-dad makes us take turns cleaning it when we're living here."

"Well, either way, I'm headed for the pool," Medora announced. "See you out there. And think about the dance. Seriously. It'll be fun."

By the time that Medora emerged from the house in her swimsuit, a vicious water balloon fight was already underway. A balloon narrowly missed her head, but didn't break upon hitting the ground.

"Oh my god, you never said there was going to be water balloons!" she shrieked, picking up the fallen balloon and whipping at Elowen. "How many do we have left?"

While the other guests were distracted, Adam and Theo were changing into their bathing suits a little more slowly than the other teens. They changed together all the time at school when they had gym class or when they changed into their pajamas at night, but it was never usually while they were alone. Having a few moments of privacy together now was somehow very different than at school. The air crackled with tension and before he knew it, Theo's lips were on Adam's, pulling him as close to him as he could.

"We need to go," Theo whispered between kisses, only to have Adam move his hand and completely silence all thoughts of leaving.

"Your dad is busy and no one will notice we're gone," Adam whispered back, punctuating his words with kisses down Theo's arm.

"My dad will definitely notice a hickey," Theo protested, pushing his boyfriend away halfheartedly. "You know how pissed he'll be if he catches us in here."

"Yeah, my mom will probably murder us both," Adam conceded. "It would be pretty horrible to die on your birthday."

"Worth it though. Plus then I wouldn't have to go to dinner at home with my grandma. All she does is drink and scowl at me while going on about how much money my school costs. Rien says my grandma's just going to give me some money in my college fund for a gift anyway."

"Well, it beats hanging out here with my sisters," Adam replied. "All they do is talk about their partners and tease me. Plus, Mom's still acting like some kind of zombie. I don't think she's even made a single comment once today about you or your dad."

"Maybe she likes me now," Theo teased. "Maybe she's finally seen how perfect we are for each other and wants to apologize for everything she's said."

Both boys laughed at the thought of Edana Darktide ever apologizing for anything, especially when Theo was involved.

"Maybe one day. But definitely not today."

"You're almost out of balloons, you'd better surrender while you still can.'

Elowen stared menacingly at her half-sister, water balloon in her hand, ready to be thrown. Their water battle was down to just Elowen and Remy and Elowen had the clear advantage. Remy had just a few balloons left, but she wasn't about to lose and have her half-sister gloat about it all week.

"Maybe you should surrender before I tell Dad about your boyfriend."

Remy's taunt worked, and Elowen's angrily tossed balloon easily missed its target. It landed on the ground beside Remy, allowing the witch to scoop it up and hurl it back towards her half-sister.

"So the rumours are true," Remy laughed. "Who is he? Does he go to our school?"

"Mind your own business," Elowen snapped, launching another balloon at Remy that also missed its target. "If you don't, maybe I'll tell Malika that you've been flirting with the girl in potions class. Plus the guy you looked really into at lunch last week."

"It's not cheating to admire an attractive person," Remy insisted. "Malika knows that and I'm sure she looks at all kinds of people herself. Your boyfriend probably does the same thing.'

"He does not!"

"So I guess I'll see you again at our kids' wedding?" Ewan joked, looking over his shoulder to see if Adam or Theo were nearby to hear.

The dads had finished their alcohol fueled conversation upstairs and had finally changed into the bathing suits to supervise anyone swimming in the pool. Roman wasn't thrilled to see his son absent in the yard, but some of the other kids were missing too, which meant that there could be an innocent explanation, like Theo playing a game of pool. Roman had promised his husband not to be paranoid or suspicious about Theo's whereabouts during the party, but it was difficult. Theo was probably getting into trouble somewhere, but both Adrian and Abe had pleaded with him to keep Adam's parents happy. The last thing they needed was another inquiry by the Maricourts.

"You know they're going to break up long before they're nineteen, right?" Roman replied. "They're just kids."

"Oh, I thought Edana said that you married your high school boyfriend?" Ewan said in a tone that Roman couldn't discern the true intention of. He didn't sound like he was asking the question sincerely. More than likely, he and Edana had come up with topics to discuss with Theo's parents to continue their interrogation of the Bellamy family.

"Well, eventually," Roman conceded. "I did marry someone else first, and we broke up a few times since high school."

"Well, there you go," Ewan replied. "There's hope for them yet. Edana married someone else first too and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out."

"There's no way that Theo is getting married as a teenager. All he's doing is trying to get our approval and permission to have sex."

Ewan choked back a powerful laugh at this, clapping Roman's shoulder as he laughed.

"I had no idea that you needed parental permission to have sex," he laughed. "Oh man, if I did, my father would have me die a virgin. My sister too. The look on his face when she told him that she had no idea of who Medora's biological parent was because she and her husband had attended an orgy together! I wish I had had a camera. Trust me, Roman, Adam is his mother's son. He's not going to ask permission for anything. Kids are going to be kids, just like we were."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Roman sighed. "Theo's too much like we were."

"Ah well, my brother and sister and I all put my parents through hell," Ewan laughed. "Leo was almost murdered for defying the queen of Pleasantview, and Tristianne, well, it's not right to speak ill of the dead, even if her antics were hilarious. I have three kids with three different women who are pretty much all the same age. Being a parent means watching your kids make mistakes while helping them learn from them. My dad never gave up on me, even when I deserved it."

"I never really had parents growing up," Roman said. "My mother tried to kill both me and my kids and my dad was physically present but never there with me. Theo has a magical disability that's potentially fatal if he gets too powerful without something to ground him. He's almost died more than once and I can't lose him, Ewan. I also can't watch him struggle like I did with a teenage pregnancy either. If I let go of him for even a second, I'll-"

"You'll push him away," Ewan replied. "I almost pushed my dad out of my life when I was young and thought I knew it all. Everything he did, I assumed was just to punish me for having a good time. It took a tragedy for us to come together again and forgive, don't let the same happen to you and your son."

Roman stared closely at the man he'd underestimated. Ewan may not be as sharp as his wife, but he really did care about his kids and their happiness. He was just as fiercely protective of his kids as Roman was, though he didn't look like he spent long nights worrying himself to death like Roman did. He was still too close to Edana to trust, but Roman could still appreciate Ewan's advice.

"Any tips on letting go?" Roman sighed. "I don't know how I'll sit through a wedding between two nineteen year olds without saying something."

"Well, like you said, who marries their high school sweetheart?" Ewan laughed. "I'm sure they'll have a bunch of relationships in high school and forget all about each other. The only other time I'll ever see you again is when you drop off Bronwen's birthday cake next year."

"That sounds like a deal," Roman said, allowing himself a small smirk while still worrying about his son. "Adam's not a bad kid though, I don't want you to think that Abe and I hate him or anything like that. Just try to put in a good word about Theo with your wife if there's a wedding. I have a feeling that she'll call another 'meeting' about my son if there's a ring involved."

Ewan sighed heavily.

"Yeah, I guess it's no secret that she thinks that your son is going to burn all of Pleasantview down. We're all trying to reason with her. The last thing the school needs is a reputation for harassing demon students. He's only a hybrid demon though and he only seems to endanger himself with his powers, which is what has pacified her for now. Adam tying his bloodline to Theo's though- you should have seen her reaction. I thought the house was about to implode."

"Yeah, we had that reaction too," Roman groaned. "No offense, of course. You seem like a nice family, but-"

"But your thirteen year old playing with blood magic? Yeah, I get it. Still, yelling at them didn't change anything. If you push too hard, teenagers are going to push back. Give them a little room to breathe and your son just might come to you with his problems first."

"Yeah, that will be the day," Roman murmured, scanning the yard again and still finding no signs of his son. "Theo? Theo, it's a pool party because there's a pool. Hurry up and swim with your friends!"

"Coming, Dad!"

Theo and Adam emerged from the house, dressed in their bathing suits and looking guilty.

So he was inside with Adam, probably this entire time. Doing god knows what.

Roman was about to shout at his son, when his eyes met Ewan's and he reconsidered.

Don't push him away. You can trust him. Yelling will only push him away.

"Get in the pool now that we can supervise," Roman said, though his teeth were still tightly clenched. Beside him, Ewan gave him a quick thumbs up. "This is a pool party after all."

[xplrvibes]

What were the key things you found interesting/ liked most in the podcast/interview from yesterday?

So, aside from the things I already covered in the previous asks from aussie anon (just search the "aussie anon" or "snc video review" tags on my blog if you want to read those!), here is what I found interesting/noteworthy during yesterday's podcast:

1, The anxiety discussion: I may have mentioned this earlier (I can't even remember anymore), but I found it interesting how they both found and bonded with each other because of their crippling insecurities, shyness, social awkwardness and anxiety, and yet they both experience/d that in such different ways, and have dealt with it in different ways as well.

I may have said this before as well, but to me, there is a difference between anxiety with a little a, and Anxiety with a big A - and these two are a great example of those differences and how they present themselves and are dealt with. (This is not an indictment for or against anyone suffering from either form, btw - I just think there are difference between the two different ways people can experience anxiety and how they are handled).

Sam has "little a" anxiety. His anxiety was situational, had a clear starting/trigger point, and could be mitigated by addressing the triggers. He had severe insecurity in himself and had a massive fear of public speaking and being noticed because of that; hence, the thought of being noticed or putting himself out there triggered anxiety in him. Once he gained the confidence he needed to put himself out there, he figured out the key to managing those anxious situations, and hasn't had many issues with it since.

Colby has "big A" Anxiety (and yes, I know Sam hastened to say "we haven't been diagnosed" and that's fine, but I'm still rolling with this cause as a person with the official big A Anxiety diagnosis and certificate, I recognize the signs). His Anxiety is chronic, probably chemical, and can present itself at any time, for any reason. There may be some clear triggers (I know he mentioned before that feeling trapped can trigger it), but just as often, he probably just wakes up anxious with no idea why. There's no clear start, and no clear ending to it. It just...is. Knowing is half the battle though, and once you recognize what is going on with your body and what the symptoms are, then yes - you can work with that to lessen the stranglehold it has on your daily life. It is a never-ending struggle, though, and he explained that pretty well (for what little he actually did spend explaining it).

2, Sam's dad being so business minded and smart that he could not only see that these two crazy kids had something going, but that he convinced them to start up their company while they were still in high school is wild. That man has the true gift of foresight lol.

Also, on the subject of parents: all this talk of Sam's dad being such a help to them, so supportive of them, and a hero of sorts to Sam...and all we get from Colby is "our families weren't always supportive." :/

3, The fact that as soon as they got away from Sam's dad's influence, they immediately got scammed into signing away all their adsense under a shitty 3 year deal is kind of funny, actually. I mean, it's sad that it happened, but another point there for our old pal Kirk Golbach, who never woulda let that shit fly, amirite?

Not to mention, this is probably part of the reason why they are so involved in the decision making in every aspect of their business even now and I understand that, having dealt with vendor contracts for a huge portion of my career even though I am emphatically NOT a lawyer. I can only trust myself to not scam myself...so I get it.

4, I think I mentioned this already, but the Sam Pepper Prank.

Look, I know that this fandom has a habit of woobifying Sam, and I know it stems from this. It does. Let's stop denying that this set the tone for how everyone views and treats Sam vs Colby, even to this day.

But the fact that people have gone so far with their delusional that Sam is this hapless little meow-meow and Colby is the dark brooding villain that they would rather believe an utterly ridiculous conspiracy that Sam would actually lie about his trauma o save the guy who happily traumatized him than believe that maybe Sam is not perfect and was just as willingly involved in this, has always frustrated the fuck out of me.

This man has stated multiple times over the years that he was in on it. Why would he lie? Huh? Tell me. It wouldn't have been to protect Colby, cause why would he do that? From things they've said in the past, they weren't getting along that well back then anyway, and their careers obviously hadn't yet taken off to the point where it would've been detrimental to them to split off. If anything, had he split off from Colby at that time, he probably would've fared better than Colby had (since sympathy would've been on his side) so...why?

Sam Golbach is not that altrustic. Nobody fucking is. Nobody. If my mother did something like that to me, I'd motherfuck her all over the internet. Forget a friend trying it.

So...he's explained his method acting at length and how far he went to make this happen, how into it he was, etc. SO CAN WE LET THIS ONE GO NOW?!?!?

5, I admit, I completely zoned out halfway through their quasi-philosophical discussion about the egg theory and whatever else. The religious talk was interesting, but the rest? it just reminded me too much of some of the most obnoxious stoners I ever knew. These are the people who I would avoid like the plague if I saw them pulling out a joint lol.

6, snc love to speak as though they are one person who just somehow got split in two, and that was on display in this podcast. "In our life," and "our dad told us we could have a gap year" are just two examples.

Drunk Colby described it best when he said, "We're going to say something...and it's going to come out of my mouth."

Indeed.

7, The business talk - really interesting to hear the way they operate in their business, and how they've managed to keep it running smoothly all these years when they are also best friends, roommates and basically all but married.

The fact that their finances are so intertwined that they basically have joint 401k's and investments is a little scary, so let's just hope they never have a Lennon/McCartney-esque falling out lol.

But yea, the fact that they don't do anything unless both are in agreement of it is pretty interesting, although the way they kind of skirted the question of "who plays more of a lead role and gets their way more often" has me concerned for Colby, cause we know it ain't him lol.

8, This is going to ruffle some feathers, but I just don't care to be nice about this topic anymore so I'm going to say it. If you think this will upset you, then you should probably just skip this part and go right to #9:

Sam gives me fucking anxiety.

There. I said it. That man feels like an energy drink to me (in a bad way). When he was talking about his obsession with productivity and how he felt like any time he wasn't working was time wasted, I could literally feel my throat closing up from the intense up-ness of that whole discussion and his whole demeanor during it.

I've been in the corporate game for most of my career. I do not like people obsessed with productivity to the point of burn out. Their vibes make me wildly uncomfortable.

Also, I'm sorry - kind of hypocritical how he can say all that while having hired himself some editors and leaving his 50/50 partner holding the whole bag there.

Ahem, anyway: even with all that, I find it interesting that he is fully aware this is an issue, and claims to have tried to solve it. I hope it sticks, cause if it doesn't, this man will have his first heart attack at 32. Calling it now.

Also, lol at Colby being like "Nah, I can chill all day and veg out knowing that I did my shit." GOOD FOR YOU, SIR. Guess who won't be having a heart attack at 32? The supposed lazy guy lol.

9, I found the way Colby talked about having kids to be very interesting, and again - another way in which I think he and Sam differ and yet somehow wind up meshing perfectly.

It seems, from what Colby has said, that he wants to have kids in his 30s and will see that as being his new passion/job in life, meaning the kids will come first and he will gladly walk away from the constant traveling to be a present dad.

Sam, meanwhile, didn't really say much on the topic of kids, but we all know thanks to recent events that he is not ready for any of that, and kind of sees settling down as sort of an end to his youth and fun.

And you know what this made me realize? And it's sad, but I think it's something Sam sees too, maybe.

I think Colby will be the one to pull the plug on the snc channel someday.

Now, I do not think these two will ever be able to function without living in each others' back pockets - but I think Colby is going to be the one to force them both into retirement from a frequent posting and traveling standpoint, and will probably be content to just live off of whatever other side businesses and streams of revenue they will have going for their brand by then. Sam, meanwhile, is probably not going to be able to handle it and will get into either directing or producing or something like that.

But their wives are going to have to learn how to be friends with one another, or shit's gonna be awkward when these two decide to buy houses next door to one another and connect them by a tunnel in the basement.

Anyway, that's it (I think). Overall, lots of info we already knew, but a lot of new info peppered in, and a really decent look into their dynamic and who they are as people. I kind of liked it!

Bonus Item (I lied when I said I was done lol): The whole "following fat people" thing.

Colby was right with what he said, he just said it in a way that was bound to get his dumb little ass in trouble lol.

But he wasn't wrong. Look at all the controversies that happen every single day on tiktok, and how quickly everyone moves past them as soon as a new controversy pops up. There is too much content out there, too much drama, and it all just overlaps one another. This would be maybe 2 days of backlash, tops (especially if they weren't well known).

I'm not saying its right or it's wrong to do it, but that really is the way the internet operates these days.