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whiskey-tango-matcha · 7 months ago

Text

Then & Now (M, cold)

Hiii, hope you like A LOT of hurt followed by 2-3 sentences of comfort lmao. This is Greyson fic - Grey is sick on a day he and Reed are supposed to have a date, and he's sure Reed is going to be angry with him because Trauma(TM). It's told in a flashback sort of format which I really enjoyed because I love writing blurbs of colds at different times in life lol. I hope you guys like it, please let me know what ya think, good, bad, or otherwise :)

CW: Male snz, cold, pneumonia mention, coughing, contagion mention, lots and lots of whump lmao. A little over 4K words under the cut.

Then & Now

Now

“Morning, Chef.”

“Huh-! HhITSZHH-ue!”

Elijah turned towards Greyson, who was doubled over into his hoodie sleeve, and gave him a sympathetic grimace. “Cooks finally pulled you under, hmm?”

“Ugh, like way fuckin’ under,” Greyson muttered, rubbing his eye and sucking in through his nose. “I feel like ass.”

“Sorry, dude,” Elijah said, tossing his counterpart a box of tissues. “Sucks.”

Greyson caught the box and pulled out a few just in time. “HITSZHZH-uhh!” This one, he managed to catch in the handful of tissues. He wiped his nose and shrugged. “Yeah,” he said, tossing the used tissues. “Mbostly because I was supposed to have a date tonight.”

Elijah smirked at his friend, who was pushing past the GM into their shared office. The two of them sat in unison. “Do you guys still call them dates? You’ve been official for, like, six months.”

“It’s our six-month anniversary,” Greyson said, his voice flattened by congestion. “We were going to do EMP.”

“Awww, now I’m depressed,” Elijah said. “Also, why didn’t you tell me earlier you were going to Eleven Madison? I still know people there.”

“So does Reed,” Greyson said, massaging his temple. “That’s why we were goigg. Fuck, mby fuckin’ head is pounding. Do we have any -?”

Elijah placed the ibuprofen in front of the chef before he could ask, along with a bottle of cough syrup and a decongestant. “You know we have it all,” he said, pushing an old cup of water across the desk for Greyson to swallow his arsenal of pills. “And fair enough. Well that fuckin’ sucks, dude, I’m sorry. Hey, at least you can leave early, right? Matt’s closing?”

“Yeah,” Greyson said, unwrapping a cough drop and popping it in his mouth. “I’ll head out once the rush is over. I still have to text Reee – hh...hhNTSHH-ue! HGTSHH-uhh!” Greyson doubled over, sneezed into his arm, and groaned. “I’mb gonna kill the guys when they get in,” he said, mostly to himself.

“Don’t do that,” Elijah said, placing a hand on Greyson’s shoulder on his way out of the office. “Then you’ll have to stay all night.”

Greyson huffed out a laugh and pulled out his phone. He clicked on his conversation with Reed, sighing. He did not want to have this conversation.

Greyson

9:31AM

hey babe. gonna have to cancel tonight, the cooks infected me w their plague :( im rly sorry.

The chef set his phone on the desk, prepared to either be ghosted or gaslit – two of Collin’s favorite pastimes whenever Greyson had had to cancel their plans during their relationship – and was shocked when the phone buzzed with a text almost immediately. He was almost afraid to look at his boyfriend’s response.

Reed

9:32AM

Oh, baby don’t be sorry!! what time are you off? I’ll pick you up and take you home :) we can do a sick day little date night instead!

Greyson stared at the phone, stunned. He couldn’t help it; he read the message again, then out loud said, “What the fuck?”

Then – Ten Years Ago

“Chef?”

The Executive Chef looked up from his paperwork at Greyson and sighed. “What is it, Abbott?”

“I, um – hh! HTSHH-uh! HGXTSH-ue! Snf. Umb, I just wanted to see if it was okay if I… left a little early today?” Greyson asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His chef raised his eyebrows and put his clipboard down. Oh, no, Greyson thought.

“Leave...early? And leave your clean up and prep to whom, exactly? Me?” The Executive Chef huffed out a laugh. “That’s rich, Abbott. Why the fuck would you need to leave early?”

“I…” Greyson started, but his voice gave out on the single syllable. He attempted to clear his throat. “I just… I really feel like shit? I was hoping I could, like… sleep it off, I guess. I mbean, I wouldn’t want to get anyone else sigck.” Greyson felt a cough bubbling to the surface; he tried to quell it, to no avail. The younger man collapsed into a coughing fit that felt like it lasted a lifetime.

The Chef remained unmoved. “My guys,” he said, placing a hand on his chest as Greyson attempted to compose himself, “don’t get sick, Abbott. And if they do, I don’t fucking hear about it. Understand? Because I really don’t give a shit. If you’re here, you’re here. If you decide to leave early,” he shrugged, uncaring, “then you leave for good. And Abbott, if you try to get a job after walking out of my kitchen, I promise you I will make it impossible. I know you’ve only been here a couple months, but here’s what you need to learn: put your head down and do your fucking job, and you can work anywhere in the world after this. Be a whiny piece of shit who tries to walk out on his shift, and you’ll be working at McDonald’s for the rest of you life. Got it?”

Greyson, too shocked to rebut, just bobbed his head up and down.

“Let me hear you say it,” the Chef said. Greyson cleared his throat.

“Yes, Chef,” he said. The Chef nodded.

“Now get the fuck out of my office.”

Now

“Elijah. Look at this text.”

The GM looked up slowly from the iPad where he was going over reservations for the evening. “...Why?” he asked, taking the phone from Greyson’s hand.

“Just look. Tell mbe that’s ndot weird,” Greyson said, crossing his arms over his chest. Elijah looked down, confused, and read the text. He pinched his eyebrows together just a little, and read it again. “See? Isn’t that weird?”

“Greyson…” Elijah said, handing the phone back. “That’s not weird.”

“Seriously?” Greyson asked, reading the text yet again. “It’s bizarre. He’s ndot even a little mad? C’mon. That’s weird.”

“He’s being sweet,” Elijah explained, slowly, as though he were talking to a toddler. “Did you want him to be mad? Because that’s bizarre.”

“Ndo I don’t want him to be mad. I jus – HTSZHH-ue! HRRSHH!” Greyson wrenched to the side to sneeze, which sent him into a fit of hacking coughs. “I just figured he’d want to, like, yell at mbe or something. For canceling,” Greyson finished, his voice strained against another cough. Elijah didn’t respond, not at first, and instead pressed a hand onto the chef’s forehead.

“I think you’re sicker than we thought, because you’re acting fucking delusional,” he said as Greyson slapped his hand away. “Greyson, normal people don’t yell at each other for getting sick, or having to cancel a plan. That’s, like, really twisted.”

Greyson rolled his eyes. “It’s ndot twisted, Lij you fuckin’ drama queen,” he said, then held up a finger. “Onesec – hh! Hh...hnn.” Greyson sniffled, a let out a little irritated cough. “Lost it.”

“Go back to the kitchen,” Elijah said, pointing towards the swinging doors. “Sit down. Rest. Let your medicine kick in. I don’t want people seeing this -” he gestured to Greyson, as if to allude to his entire being – “when they walk past the restaurant. Alright? Text your boyfriend something nice. Not something unhinged.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Greyson muttered, turning toward the kitchen, his phone still open to the conversation with Reed. He turned towards Elijah again before pushing through the kitchen doors. “I still say that this is the unhinged thing.”

“Go to therapy, Greyson,” Elijah said, not looking up from the iPad. Greyson rolled his eyes, pushed into the kitchen, and regarded his phone once again.

Greyson

10:07AM

thanks, babe. it’s ok, I can take care of myself. it wont be a long day, ill just grab some nyquil omw home and sleep it off. ill reschedule our rezo too, don’t worry about that. im really sorry again for canceling. if I could taste the food id still go lol.

Figuring that sounded at least relatively normal, Greyson hit send. He sat down at his desk once again and placed his head in his hands. No way he’s not pissed, Greyson thought, and he really believed it. In all his years of dating, he’d never met anyone who would respond that way; they’d at least have a snippy remark about the last-minute nature of the cancellation.

Greyson’s phone pinged once again, and he couldn’t help but grab it right away to assess the damage.

Reed

10:08AM

honey, please don’t apologize, seriously. youre sick, it happens, its no biggie :) I already moved the reservation to next week but if we need to ill move it again. james at emp said to tell you feel better btw.

Greyson blinked, dumbstruck. He started typing without thinking.

Greyson

10:10AM

you REALLY arent mad? seriously?

Reed

10:10AM

im really not mad. who gets mad at someone for being sick…? is someone at work mad at you? am I supposed to be mad..? lol

Greyson

10:11AM

I mean its a last minute cancellation. id understand if u were mad.

Reed

10:11AM

welllll….im not. is that ok? haha

Reed

10:15AM

grey…? you believe me, right?

Reed

10:21AM

greyson..?

Then – Seven Years Ago

He was moving through molasses.

Greyson placed a sluggish hand to his own forehead – you can’t check yourself for a fever, dumbass – and blinked painfully. He’d made it to work, he’d made it through the day, and he’d made it back home, against all odds. Now, he was stuck on his couch, unable to even crawl to the bathroom for a thermometer.

It had all compounded on him, was his guess. The endless fourteen hour days for the better part of two years at his thankless sous chef job. The shitty Chicago-suburbs apartment with no heat, where he froze for the few hours a week he slept. The near-constant drinking. Sure, he was only twenty-five, but what was it they said about this industry? It ages you in dog years. Yeah, that was it.

“Hh-! Hh...ITSZHH-ue! HTSHHH-ue!” Greyson sneezed helplessly into the blanket he’d wrapped around himself, and groaned. This was not what he’d imagined when he moved here from Minnesota. He’d thought it would be glamorous, working as a sous chef at a high-end hotel in a big city. He thought he’d have friends, or a girlfriend, or something. Instead, he was trapped on his couch, benched by a sinus infection and seasonal depression that seemed to last the whole year round. Fuck this, Greyson thought. He couldn’t get off the couch, but he could reach his phone; Greyson pulled up Indeed and changed his search parameters.

Actively searching for work. Location: Any.

Now

“Um… Chef? What’s, uh… what’s going on?”

Greyson paused for a moment, a crate of spoiled food held on his shoulder. He turned towards Matt, keen to answer, but instead held the crate tighter and wrenched to the side. “HRTTSHH-uh!”

“Bless you,” Matt said, an automatic reaction. Greyson nodded, turned towards the dumpster, and dumped the food in before beginning the cycle anew: pick up crate. Turn to sneeze. Dump old food. Matt wasn’t sure if he should help his boss, or go inside for backup.

He chose the former, picking a crate filled to the brim with rotten tomatoes off the ground and hoisting it into the trash. “You gonna tell me what’s up?” he asked as the two of them continued gathering and tossing.

Greyson sighed, pulled a hand down his face, and shook his head. “I thingk Reed and I are over,” he said, voice soft and throaty. Matt’s eyebrows shot up.

“What? Seriously? What did you do?” Matt asked, prompting a stuffy laugh from his boss.

“I just don’t thingk it’s going to work,” Greyson said, shrugging. “I… I don’t want to, like, play gambes. I can’t do that again, ndot after Collin.”

“Chef,” Matt said as he gathered and tossed the last milk crate, “what are you talking about? Reed is, like, the most straight-shooting guy I’ve ever met. How is he playing games?”

Greyson, left without anything to occupy his hands, just shrugged and pulled out his phone. He handed it to Matt without explanation, and the sous quickly read through the text conversation Greyson and Reed had going. Matt furrowed his brow.

“I don’t get it,” he said, handing the phone back. “He wants to take care of you, what’s the problem with that?”

“He doesn’t want to take care of me, he wants to have the upper hand,” Greyson explained, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and sitting on the step just outside the back door. “Want one?”

“Sure,” Matt said, sitting beside his boss. “I mean, you shouldn’t be smoking if you’re -”

“HTSHH! Hh-! ITZSHH-ue!” Greyson turned into his elbow, taking a long moment to gather himself before handing Matt his cigarette.

“-sick,” Matt finished. The older man shrugged, and Matt plucked the lighter out of Greyson’s hand to light both of them up, not daring to push his boss any closer to the edge. For a moment, they smoked in silence, only Greyson’s sniffles and coughs interrupting the quiet.

“Boss,” Matt said, finally, “I think you need to talk to Reed.”

“I did,” Greyson said, stubbing out his cigarette. “You saw.”

“No, I mean actually talk to him,” Matt said. The two of them stood, looking at each other – a face-off without the malice. Matt continued. “Not ignore his texts and clean out the walk-in.”

Greyson scoffed. “Matt, just because you have sombe fairy-tale love story doesn’t mbean everyone else does, too. Okay? If it’s over between me and Reed, it’s fine. I’mb better off alone, anywaa – hh! Hh… Hhhii-!” Greyson stood with his elbow poised at his face, stuck in pre-sneeze agony for what seemed like an eternity. While he was incapacitated, Matt took his phone and typed out a message that his boss couldn’t see. Finally, Greyson lowered his arm and sucked in, fruitlessly, through his nose. “The fugck are you doigg?” he asked, snatching his phone back from his sous.

“If you’re not going to talk to Reed,” Matt shrugged, unapologetic, “I will.”

Greyson looked down at his phone, which buzzed twice in his hand. Reed’s face popped up on the screen. Call from: reed <3

Then – Three Years Ago

“HTSHH! Huh! ETZSHH-ue! HRTTSHH-ue!”

“Bless, bless, bless you. Allergies?” Collin asked, not looking up from his phone. Greyson sniffled in vain, and coughed painfully.

“Ndot exactly,” he croaked from the doorway to Collin’s living room. “Baby, do you thingk you could drive mbe to urdent care, actually?”

Collin looked up and slowly raised an eyebrow. “For what?” he asked, obviously annoyed. Greyson swallowed as best he could and placed a hand on his throat.

“I thingk… I mbight have strep. Or bronchitis, or sombething. I, uh… I’ve had a fever for like. A week.” Greyson had to stop to close his eyes and grab onto the door frame, a sordid attempt to keep from hitting the floor like a rotten sack of potatoes. Collin rolled his eyes.

“You’re such a drama queen. You seemed fine when you came over last night.”

“You were asleep whend I came over,” Greyson said, his eyes still closed. “Did you ndot notice that I haven’t been over in like five days?”

Collin shrugged. “I mean, yeah, but I figured you were busy with work. You’re always busy with work,” he said, the venom in his voice making clear that he wanted to fight.

Greyson, physically incapable of fighting at that moment, just slid slowly to the ground and nodded. “Yeah. You’re right,” he said. “Ndow I’m paying the price. Please, baby. Can you please just take me? I… I really don’t feel well.”

It was pathetic. He knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself; he was fairly sure he was moments from passing out. Collin turned and made himself comfier on the couch.

“I’ll call you an uber,” he said, pressing some buttons on his phone. “You barely make time for me, and now you’re asking me to be your chauffeur? Please, Greyson.” He showed his ailing boyfriend the phone. “He’ll be out front in five minutes. Better make your way down.”

“Okay,” Greyson said, pulling himself slowly to his feet. “Thangk you.”

Collin didn’t say a word as Greyson let himself out of the apartment. He made it downstairs, and into the uber, and into the waiting room at urgent care. He made it out by himself, too, with a laundry list of prognoses – strep, sinus infection, walking pneumonia – and a handful of prescriptions. When he texted Collin later to fill him in, his boyfriend didn’t text back.

Greyson fell asleep on his shower floor and awoke to freezing water pounding on him, and a courier pounding on his door. When he toweled off and answered it, chicken soup from the local bodega and a note that read feel better -c sat at his feet. Greyson breathed a sigh of relief; at least he had been forgiven.

Now

Reed had dated plenty of men is his thirty-five years of life, and had found that there were two general categories when it came to sick men: there was the Baby, and there was the Don’t Look at Me.

Greyson though, an enigma since the moment they met, seemed to fall into a third category, a category that was, to Reed, yet undiscovered: the You Hate Me.

Reed was good with the first two categories; the Don’t Look at Me, you left medicine outside their room and texted them funny memes. The Baby, you laid in bed with them and spoon-fed them soup. Easy. Understandable. Truthfully, this was one of his favorite things about men: they were easy to crack. He figured Greyson would likely fall into the Baby category, which was fine by him – there was nothing he’d like more than to look after an ailing Greyson, to be honest. This third category he seemed to embody, though, was not something Reed knew what to do with.

“He didn’t answer when I called him,” Reed said into the phone receiver. “I just want to know what’s going on, I mean, did I say something wrong?”

On the other end of the line, Elijah sighed. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is just… it’s just Greyson being Greyson.”

Reed wasn’t about to take this lying down. “Hey, are you guys super busy tonight? I mean, I don’t want to be that boyfriend, but, like, can I come get him? We really need to talk, and if what Matt said is true he probably shouldn’t be, like, working anyway, right?”

While Elijah paused, Reed pulled the phone away from his ear and once again re-read the text Matt had sent from Greyson’s phone: hey reed, it’s matt. grey is sick as hell, so DO NOT take any of the crazy weird shit he says seriously, k? his temperature needs to lower by like 5 degrees before you do this, but u guys need to actually talk. he’s being stupid.

“Please,” Reed heard Elijah’s tinny voice on the other end and put the phone back to his ear. “Please, come and collect him. I’m begging.”

Reed stood from the couch and grabbed his keys. “Give me twenty minutes. I’m on my way.”

Then – Two Years Ago

“Heyyy, baby, cand I buy you a dringk?”

The girl leaned back, her face marked by disgust. “No, thanks. Save your money and get yourself some NyQuil,” she said, disappearing into the crowd. Greyson huffed out a sigh and coughed into his hand – a long, crackling sound that made the other bar patrons inch their chairs away.

“She’s right, you know,” the bartender – Skip, Greyson had learned his name was a few weeks back when he had started coming in every night – said, filling Greyson’s shot glass yet again. “You need to go home.”

“And yet you pour mbe another drink,” Greyson said, knocking back the shot. “The duality of mban. NGTXSH! HTSHH! Huh-! HRRSHH-ue!” Greyson covered his mouth lazily with one hand, wiped it on his pants, hand held the glass up to indicate ‘another’.

“Bless you,” Skip said, not pouring the shot. “Greyson, seriously: go home. You sound fucking awful.”

“Are you cutting mbe off?” Greyson asked, his rheumy eyes meeting Skip’s over the bartop. “Because unless you are, I’mb staying.” He coughed again, into his elbow; the cough was quickly becoming a problem. He’d had a cold two weeks ago; the symptoms had been mild, but the cough had hung around. When he caught whatever-the-fuck this was two days ago, the cough had turned from an annoyance to a pressing issue; he should go home. He should go to the doctor, he should take a day off, he should, he should, he should.

But he wouldn’t. He would stay, and he would drink until he was kicked out, then he’d pass out on the train and not make it home to sleep. He’d go to work at seven AM and stay until midnight and do it all again.

“I’m not kicking you out,” Skip sighed. “I’m just saying… you should take care of yourself.”

Greyson blinked slowly. He could feel his lungs, heavy with fluid, gearing up to cough again; his head, pounding in spite or because of the alcohol; his heart crushed into a million, Collin-sized pieces. Take care of yourself. It felt impossible, when you’d never been shown how.

“This is mbe taking care of myself,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’ll have another.”

Now

Greyson rested his head on a case of lettuce in the corner of the walk-in. He knew he should be continuing his madness of cleaning, but he’d accidentally sat down on his fifth trip into the refrigerator, and now he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get up again.

Fucking Reed, Greyson thought as he allowed the cold salad box to sate the fever he had burning in his brain. Why can’t he just be up front with me? If you’re mad just say it, don’t fucking torture me.

Perhaps deep down, he knew he was being ridiculous; Matt and Elijah were most likely correct. The simplest answer – that Reed truly was just a good guy – was probably the right one. But he just couldn’t get out of his mind all the times he’d reached out, needed help and asked for it, and been shot down. He certainly couldn’t allow himself to believe that the person he was dating was truly good; he knew he’d never deserve that.

“Greyson?”

Speaking of Reed, that sounded a lot like him – was Greyson hearing things? Had he, in his fever-addled state, conjured a hallucination of his boyfriend to have a fight with? Bizarre, Grey, he thought to himself. That’s really fucking bizarre.

“Grey? Elijah said you were in here but I don’t – oh!”

Either this was a really crazy hallucination, or that really was Reed standing over him, in the walk-in. Greyson blinked hard, then blinked again, and suddenly Reed was on the ground next to him.

“Babe...it’s really cold in here. Do you think we can, um, leave?”

Greyson furrowed his eyebrows together. “Leave… and go where?” he asked, his voice cracking. “I have to… work. What are you doigg heeee...HRTSHH-ue! Huh -! HTSHH! NTSHH! IGXTSH!” Greyson attempted to stifle over and over, until Reed gently took his hand and pulled it away from his face.

“That has to hurt,” Reed said, his voice quiet and calm. “You can just… sneeze, you know. Like, regular.”

“Tryigg ndot to get you,” Greyson croaked, his eyes glazing over once again. “Youbettermov – HRRETSZCHH-ue! ITSZZHH-ue! Fuck – NGTSHHZ-ue!” Greyson sneezed into his lap, then coughed until his lungs felt sore. Reed didn’t move; he came closer and rubbed Greyson’s back.

“Bless you, baby,” Reed said, eventually.

“Thangks. Sorry,” Greyson murmured, pushing his hair out of his face and turning to look at Reed. “Why are you here?” he asked, levity out the window.

Reed let out a little laugh. “Umm, why do you think?” he asked. “You’ve been ignoring me since this morning. I got worried, since Matt said you were super sick – no lie detected, by the way, you sound truly awful –”

“Sorry,” Greyson said again, wiping under his nose. “I kndow, it’s gross.”

“Please, Grey,” Reed said, taking both sides of his boyfriend’s face in his hands and looking him in the eye. “Please. Stop apologizing. It’s okay to be sick. I don’t understand why you think I’m angry at you. I’m not.”

Greyson swallowed, painfully, and gave a little nod. “Okay,” he said, finally.

“Okay,” Reed repeated. “Anyway. I called Elijah. He said to come and collect you.”

At this, Greyson couldn’t help but cough out a laugh. “Collect mbe?” he asked. Reed smiled a little.

“Yeah,” he said. “His words, not mine.”

They both laughed, softly at first, then ramping up to near-hysteria. They only stopped when Greyson started coughing again and couldn’t seem to stop.

“Let’s go get you some water,” Reed said, helping his boyfriend to his shaky feet. Greyson allowed himself to be pulled out of the walk-in, and given a bottle of water that was sitting on his prep station. Greyson drank until the fit subsided, then regarded Reed once again.

“So… you really aren’t mbad?” he asked, rubbing his goosebumped arms up and down. Reed shook his head and shrugged off his windbreaker. He draped it over Greyson’s shoulders.

“I’m really not mad,” he insisted. Greyson nodded, seemingly satiated. Reed sighed through his nose and slipped his arms around the chef.

“Life’s done a number on you, huh?” he asked, quietly enough that it could’ve just been to himself. Greyson huffed out a sad little laugh.

“Like you wouldn’t believe, baby,” he murmured, pressing his hot head into Reed’s hair. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

#whiskeyswriting #snz #sickfic #snzfic #coldfic #snzblr #snez #male cold #male snz #this was a fun one!#whump #h/c #but mostly hurt lol #i know it's a lot of dialogue. my apologies i just love to write dialogue and HATE to write exposition lol #which is Not Good Writing but whatever #this is my horn snz blog not my doctoral thesis lmao

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nordidia · 1 year ago

Note

Do you think CJ and Raph ever talk about their experiences with PTSD/anxiety together or even share advice on coping? Or do you think Raph would rather not? Explain your reasoning in your essay below

(i typed an entire novel and then accidentally closed chrome and it deleted everything let me try doing this again i barely remember what i said ok so. also this is just me blabbering idk guys im not a rise writer im just some opinionated guy online and you can completely disagree with me and i dont say what goes or not ok? ok!)

i dont think raph would go to him with his issues but i think it'd defo get talked about through asking CJ about things and checking up on him etc. and i think CJ would give raph alot of insight and advice on how to deal with anxieties and traumas,, tho alot of their convos would just be one of them saying something vile and the other one going "oh. is that not normal?" and the first one looking at the latter like this

but all in all i think they'd definitely help eachother with dealing with stuff... i think especially raph will assist CJ in just taking the blow on how much there is to unpack... his entire life has been a big traumatic event, i imagine suddenly living a sustained life without having to fight for survival every day would be a lot for him to deal with, especially the confusion and grief over what he has lost (maybe what he has lost feels a bit like pointless grief to him now? which is a trauma in itself) and also grieving what he never had. as we know, grief is also things we shouldve had but never got, and i think all the hamatos would be really helpful in dealing with that.

tho CJ seems to be a bit of a hardass on stuff like this which is incredibly understandable when you've had to fight for everything with zero stability at all anywhere you went. i could see him confiding in raph about it, but not only him if im honest. but there is an undeniable security about raph i think that the characters i the show feel, and i think CJ would seek the stability and consistent reliability that raph provides.

i also like that CJ doesnt seem too scared about calling out people when they do wrong, i can defo see CJ bluntly telling raph that bad coping mechanisms is stupid and makes things worse and worries everyone around. (this is ofc hand in hand with the good ol' HC that raph bottles shit up/avoids talking abt things. personally i think he never shuts up and frequently rants about stuff and lets his family know whenever shit is up but he avoids going too deep so his family thinks he's being fully transparent when actually he's just not voicing the worst shit. this is so real to me no i do not need therapy shut u)

i definitely think raph would confide in CJ about the krang thing. CJ is the one who knows the most about it, i can see raph going to him to just get a bit more information about what was going on, and also a bit of relief hearing that it didnt go as bad as it couldve gone... CJ being experienced with krangification would absolutely soothe worries and make him feel less alone about knowing what he knows and having gone through something thats a step further than his brothers

IS THIS A GOOD ENOUGH ESSAY i have academic anxiety dont grade me please its 4am i have taken melatonin pills im on my last leg help m *ficking dies*

edit: GOODNIGHT LOL

#asks!#ohhhh raph and casey duos my beloved #rise raph #rottmnt casey jr

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bisclavret · 3 months ago

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hello I'm thinking about that gifset you did. yaoi cocaine. whatever it was. with gwaine and merlin having figured each other out. and gwaine looking betrayed while merlin looks elated is SO IMPORTANT TO ME YOU DON'T EVEN GET IT.

GWAINE USES HAVING MERLIN FIGURED OUT TO BRING HIM JOY. MERLIN USES HAVING GWAINE FIGURED OUT TO HURT HIM.

fuckkkk it just. you can sort of see it with how they distance themselves too and what their relationship looks like in s4 & 5. ESPECIALLY 5 bc at the end of the season merlin uses his knowledge of gwaine (that gwaine cares about him and would risk his life for him without hesitation) to hurt him (not being honest with him about his magic or allowing him to help get it back) LIKE OH MY GOD. THEY HAVE EACH OTHER FIGURED OUT. MERLIN KNOWS IT'LL HURT GWAINE IF HE DOESN'T TELL HIM THINGS BUT HE ALSO KNOWS GWAINE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM AND I JUST. AUGH. I THINK THAT SHOULD BE EXPLORED MORE BC LATER SEASONS MERWAINE TOXIC YAOI IS EVERYTHING TO ME

oh im so glad you picked up on that too! theyre literally ideological foils to each other in that episode: even as they bond over some shared values and trauma (and attraction), the key conflict between them is that gwaine's life experiences have made him a staunch anti-royalist while merlin is prophecy-pilled into believing he lucked out with "the good ones". from the moment merlin learns gwaine's dad was a knight he relentlessly uses this fact to convert gwaine back to catholicism nobility so he can stick around as a knight of camelot, which merlin rationalizes as a kindness because gwaine seems lonely and leads a dangerous life.

but the way gwaine reacts to merlin's attempts at persuasion is conflicted and suspicious because "what's this guy's agenda?" and i don't think that ever fully lets up. even as gwaine concedes that arthur is one of "the good ones" i do believe it's just for merlin's sake because there are no "good ones" in a class war lol he sees how rooted merlin is in his beliefs (not to mention the repressed sexuality) and wants to reassure him that even though he's in no rush to join him, he's not judging him either. and merlin is relieved and happy with this outcome because gwaine kindly didn't call him out on the homosexuality and he stopped trying to threaten his beliefs. that whole episode is the equivalent of being a leftist on a dating app in 2022 wondering how low you'd stoop for a cute british twink that's unironically mourning queen elizabeth. but i digress.

merwaine is toxic yaoi to ME because not only does it start with them butting heads ideologically, merlin's ideology WINS and gwaine abandons everything he stood for to become a knight in the hopes of finding love and community. and then of course by the time s4 and s5 roll in there is so much grief and shame and fanaticism in merlin that he refuses to indulge, refuses to go off-script and allow gwaine to be anything except a tool and a weapon. which is obviously not the vibe gwaine was getting off of merlin in s3, but by his last episode he's surrendered himself to the reality that that's all merlin allows himself to want from him to the point where after merlin rejects him one last time he literally gives him his sword and lets him walk away. grim!

then again, they're both complicit in making each other feel worse! gwaine sounds like he already has some mistrust of magic when we first meet him, and by s5 he's parroting camelot-isms about magic, "you are a sorcerer and a heretic", and killing sorcerers who did nothing. and then merlin quietly marks their grave and keeps repeating to himself that "it'll get better one day" while refusing to listen to anyone who has any criticism whatsoever.

and to circle back to the point of "they figured each other out": THAT'S WHY IT'S SO POTENT. TO ME. merlin knows that gwaine loves him best of all but whenever gwaine tries to act on his love merlin recoils because of catholic fanaticism he's convinced everyone he shares his secrets with will die. the repression is off the charts. and gwaine resents repression but he's forced to abide by it because he's disarmed by merlin's apparent selflessness and bravery (and the fact that merlin gets to live a life of adventure and self righteous fighting while not actually being a noble - that's literally gwaine's dream!) but i simply cannot look at gwaine in honestly ANY of the seasons he's in and go "oh he doesn't mind :) he just wants to be involved!" the man practically died of a broken heart. merlin broke his heart. and gwaine let him, he was also an active participant! i like to overanalyze eoin's acting decisions and try and pinpoint moments where he bites his tongue lest he says something that goes against merlin's (and the show's) ideology that will cost him his place. which is not unlike hiding a secret identity if you think about it

#the fact that gwaine never rly told anyone else his dad was a knight is sooo interesting as well.. kinda gay to keep pointless secrets!#you rly opened pandoras box here. hi #hello. finally. lets talk about how fucked up merwaine is. thank you #asks #eviltoxicmosssauce #merwaine #gwaine x merlin #bbc merlin #bbcm

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choster33 · 5 months ago

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Bridgerton S3 Episode 4 Reaction

So I finally watched the last episode of Part 1 and it was everything I wanted it to be! It was so steamy and full of Colin angst. I am going to write and react about what I saw so if you want to read on!

First off, the rest of the Featheringtons are trash. They're hilarious, but horrible sisters and mother to Penelope. I will one day write an essay about the trauma that Pen has gone through and etc. because ugh. Now on to Lord Debling who is adorable with his plant present.

Yes a nod to Penelope sitting at that settee and enjoying the view of Bridgerton House aka where her love Colin is at. I think she isn't leading Lord Debling on here, she genuinely is getting tired of being in the corner, playing what if and ready for a real relationship. She's not in love with Lord Debling, but ready to accept something real over her years of fantasizing over Colin for nothing.

I agree with people who wrote that the scene that Colin is rereading his journal, he's going over what Penelope has read so that he knows what she read and enjoyed and what would be going through her mind. Lady Bridgerton for sure knows that Colin is in love with Penelope! She knows he's in love and he couldn't take his eyes off of Penelope. And she's no idiot, the boy is acting love sick and she can smell that a mile away.

Tillie Arnold is an amusement, but not endgame.

Is it just me or is Lord Anderson not that funny or charming? I don't mind him courting Violet or anything to do with his person, but I don't get it. Maybe I'm taking cues from Lady Danbury who is an impeccable judge of character, but I'm meh about him.

LOL! I love Queen Charlotte and Brimsley! The step another pace backwards comment was gold. "You read me too well."

Awww look at Francesca's little face! She likes John so much! They just get each other and the two actors portray that so well. The joy they have when together, the unspoken silences, and the chemistry they have is evident and I like them!

Lord Samadani is portrayed perfectly as well- he is handsome and dashing and everything that a traditional girl would have wanted. But not what Francesca wants.

Aw, poor Cressida. I never thought I would think or say that, but here we are. The writers have reframed her into a victim of the ton and has tried to free her from the trope of Mean Blonde Bitch.

Oh, Pen it's so obvious you're staring at Colin. Even Lord Debling can tell something's up. I really like Lord Debling, I think he's so cute! I know he's not endgame, but he's doing everything right so far. Asking her how he would secure her hand and putting out feelers of her reaction to a proposal.

Oho the infamous prostitute scene! Yes, he seems incredibly disinterested. Of course his enthusiasm is elsewhere it's with Penelope! I don't mind this scene so much because it just heightens Colin's disinterest with any woman except for Penelope.

Ha! I love how Francesca just accosted Lord Kilmartin! She knows what she wants and it's this man! They are so cute and awkward and adorable! Francesca wants love, but doesn't want to or know how to play games like Daphne did. They are the on the spectrum romance I didn't know I wanted or needed.

Ooh more Cressida backstory and it is grim. Her family and house are so cold. Yeesh. No wonder she is who she is and does what she does. Eloise is sweet to come by and check up on Cressida, she's a good friend. Her father seems like a pill.

I like the Mondrich's and understand them having class/adjustment issues about suddenly becoming part of the ton. It's good to have some contrast and real people part of the main story, but I also don't understand Will's determination to not see how it looks for him to be serving as bartender. With that act he seemingly doesn't understand the whole have/have not system the ton is based on. Wake up, Will!

These assholes. I never liked these puffed up men of the ton who parade about as rakes, but are more likely just assholes who've slept with a girl or two, who they've most likely had to pay. I'm not a prude or judgmental, but I am with Colin and would be sick of them too.

Penelope being wary of her engagement with Lord Debling makes sense. The girl has been in love with Colin Bridgerton for years and still is and so it would be hard for her to just throw that all away and go with Lord Debling, whom she is not in love with. She's not opposed to him, but also waiting for true love.

Ha! We get more love sick and pining Colin! It's sad to see him like this, but also sweet poetic justice for all the years Penelope was pining alone for him. Lady Bridgerton is such a good mother! She knows Colin like the back of her hand and I love the part where she talks about armor. She knows he's been playing a part lately and wants him to be his Cinnamon Roll self.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she mentions Penelope and getting a proposal! That minx! She's sharp and sly and knows exactly what to say to get a response from her children. Lol.

The ballet was gorgeous! That hair piece OMG it was stunning! I like the Queen, but no Francesca will not end up with Lord Samadani!

The ballet sequence is interesting because of Penelope's reaction to it. The ballet is a romance story and Penelope is wrapped up in it. Other people are admiring the artistry and appreciating the dancers, but Penelope is swept up in it. Which proves that a loveless marriage will not do for her.

See, back to Lord Anderson and I get why he would like Violet, but not why she would like him back. They are reading friends to me than late in life love match. I just don't see instant chemistry or anything.

Tillie is beautiful and amusing, but eventually Benedict is going to chafe at the hiding things and lack of romance. Clearly Tillie is her own woman and not needing a man, which will turn Benedict off eventually I believe.

I actually like the Cressida and Eloise relationship. What am I saying? But I do! I think it's cute. Cressida is in sore need of a friend to soften her and Eloise needs one that listens to her.

Yes! Colin thinking back to that one day and the glass and the looks and the comments about eyes. They were so close and comfortable with each other because they were friends before feelings and etc got in the way.

More Francesca and John and they are very cute. She's abrupt with him at first because she thinks he doesn't like her, but lights up when she sees his gesture. This man gets her to her very soul and it's very cute. Lemonade isn't going to cut it man! She has someone who reads her very soul! The queen's face lol!

Excuse me! Colin is here for a purpose, boys, out of the way!

Oof, you were being honest, but way to fumble the ball Lord Debling. He knows that Penelope loves romance and romance novels and couldn't throw her a bone about one day being in love. Maybe that's what it is and wasn't meant to be, but oof.

Here comes unhinged Colin and I love it! I have been spoiled by this from all over and here it is! Yes walking right up to a dancing couple like that quite scandalous! This is going to be good.

Eros and Psyche indeed! Cressida can be a cow at times, but she's right here. Everything she's putting out here is right. They are old friends, but something is going on between them and directly across the street of that window Penelope's obsessed with. She gives Lord Debling all the answers and clues to put the pieces together.

I feel for Penelope because she feels like Lord Debling is her one and only shot at a husband, but Lord Debling is not a fool and has figured out about her and Colin. He's not wrong and the two of them would not have been a good match, but I feel bad for Penelope.

Colin running down this carriage, yes very unhinged behavior indeed! The boy is lovestruck! Those eyes when he says he cannot leave her alone! They are so in love and the total opposite reaction we see from him with the prostitutes. He is all emotion, all heart on his sleeve and I love to see it.

They're getting it on, they're doing it! Eeek, squee, all the feels! That moment after they start kissing where they look at each other to see if this is real and yes, yes it is! Then they get back into it hot and heavy. He's going for more and she gives the nod of consent. Yes, let's do this Colin! I've been spoiled about the fingering but it is hot! Yes Go get it girl!

Aww that moment of laughter between the two so cute! I've seen other posts on this and it's a moment where they are two old friends and giggling together and that is the nature of their romance and relationship and I agree. It's utterly adorable.

Ok!!! Ugh now I know why so many people can't wait for part 2. Fortunately for me, it's only a couple more days and I can't wait!!!! We're going to have Lady Whistledown drama, Eloise drama, a lot of Polin sex, and a marriage! I can't wait I can't wait!

#bridgerton #colin x penelope #polin #penelope featherington

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siilvan · 9 months ago

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The people have spoken, and they want PetraxYuri NSFW Alphabet 🤭

PetraYuri NSFW Alphabet

You're officially to blame for me not working on Bloodsport today. I mean, I probably will after this, but you're to blame for it taking longer lmao. Not complaining, like I said privately, I was already planning an NSFW alphabet for Petra and I love talking about these two 🤭🤭

This will cover NSFW subjects (obviously) and briefly touch on some sensitive subjects like SA, abuse, trauma, and PTSD. If that's not for you, feel free to scroll <3

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex.)

After sex, Petra is the type to want to cuddle and bask in the afterglow of it. She thrives off the intimacy and comfort that comes with laying in his arms, especially since sex is a very vulnerable time for her.

For Yuri, he gets very lazy after sex and just wants to cuddle, so they're compatible on that front. Depending on how they're both feeling, they're either spooning, laying with her head on his chest, or vice versa.

They'll get cleaned up eventually, once she's able to drag herself out of his embrace and he's able to let her go. There's plenty of days where the cleanup actually consists of Petra laying in bed while Yuri takes care of her because, despite her protests and insistence that she can handle it herself, he refuses to let her lift a finger.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and their partner.)

For Petra, her favorite body parts on herself are probably her breasts, hips, and thighs. She's pretty genetically gifted on those fronts (PCOS is a curse, but a blessing in terms of giving her extra fat in all the right places), but she also works hard to maintain them. She's also pretty proud of her ass and toned arms, the latter of which she's worked out religiously while trying to keep up with her team.

On Yuri, one of her favorite things about him is his hands. Dexterous, strong, experienced, and the very things that made her discover she has both a hand kink and a tattoo kink lol. She loves it when he touches her and lets her mind drift off to some unholy places that would get her banned from any church in her country. Also, his arms and chest. Strong and warm, she feels safest in his embrace.

For Yuri, his favorite body part of his would probably be his hands or his mouth. He knows he's skilled with his hands and there's few things he enjoys more than making her come undone with just his touch. He indulges in the way the lightest brush of his fingers can make her shiver. Despite him being a fairly quiet person at all times, he's damn good at using his mouth to drive her closer to the edge, whether it be with words of praise or his mouth on her skin.

On Petra, his favorite things are her breasts and thighs. What can I say? He's a simple man who loves having something to hold and squeeze. She's called her tits "stress balls" in the past and he uses them as such, always grabbing and kneading at them like a cat when they're alone (something she's not complaining about, they get heavy and she's happy to let him support the weight) or using them as a pillow instead. His favorite place to rest his head is her lap, though. At the end of a long day, it's all he wants to do, and he's never one to complain about having them wrapped around his head, either. Again, he's damn good at using his mouth.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically.)

Inside. Something they discovered fairly quickly is that inside is where they both wanted it to go. She's got an IUD that she makes sure to replace when needed and takes the pill, they're smart about it. If not inside, then she prefers to swallow or let him paint her stomach and thighs. The latter is messy, so... they tend to clean up quickly despite the sight of it easily pushing them into another round.

D = Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of theirs.)

Every couple has their secrets... including these two.

The dirty secret they'll always keep close to their chests is how, one time, after they hadn't seen each other in far too long, they just couldn't wait until they were off base to enjoy each other again. It didn't help that they'd be stuck there for at least a few days and they wanted each other now.

A single kiss very quickly led to them hiding in one of the small alleys between buildings, with Yuri holding her up against the wall and Petra biting his shoulder just to keep quiet. It was late, it wasn't like they fucked in broad daylight in the sightline of any poor rookies coming out for a smoke break, but there was a small group that got dangerously close to seeing the pair in a very compromising position.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

For Petra, she's decently experienced. She's unlabeled (with a preference for men), but has slept with both men and women before. After some things that happened in her early teenage years, she was hesitant to approach the subject, but lost her virginity with her ex (mentioned in her backstory) when she was about 21. Since that breakup in 2014, she hasn't been in any relationships, but has had a handful of one night stands over the years – not because she enjoys them, she never has, but she craved any physical comfort she could get during a very dark time of her life.

For Yuri, I firmly believe he's a little less experienced than you'd think. Not because he couldn't easily drag a woman to bed if he wanted to, but he's a busy man who has led a chaotic life. He's had little time and little interest in romance until Petra, but that's not to say he doesn't have any experience at all. He's had one or two longer term partners, a handful of shorter relationships and flings – mostly in his teenage years and twenties – and a couple one night stands, but after he got involved with the special forces and all the convoluted shit that came with working with people like Barkov or Makarov (I'll expand on this in Petra's fic lol), he just didn't have the time or trust for anything.

F = Favorite Position (Self explanatory.)

It might seem basic, but missionary is one they've always enjoyed. The intimacy that comes with being face-to-face, Petra allowing herself to be pinned and trapped under his weight... it's also easy to switch from this to an even better position: a mating press. Thank god for Petra's focus on flexibility in her training, because Yuri will fold her in half once he gets lost in it.

A couple other beloved positions are cowgirl (+ reverse), spooning, and her sitting in his lap in front of a mirror as his fingers work their magic. They usually just go for whatever they're feeling at the time.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Typically speaking, they're a little more serious in the moment. Both Petra and Yuri are people with some... pretty intense trust issues, honestly. It's something that brings them together, but also something that leads to them viewing sex as almost too vulnerable a thing. It leads to overthinking and self doubt, which presents itself as an overly-serious need to please.

As trust builds and they become more secure in not only the relationship and each other, but also in themselves, sex goes from a stressful experience to something far more lighthearted and fun. Petra's a damn tease when she wants to be, always pushing his buttons and egging him on when she wants to play, and Yuri in turn is the type to "discipline" her through edging her for eons (which, she loves, as it just means more time spent under him).

With the fun comes jokes and laughter, and with that comes moments where they pause to appreciate what they have. Breaks between rounds are usually filled with stupid giggling and heavy make-out sessions, they really just can't get enough of each other.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

For Petra, she's seen enough infections and nasty cuts from using a razor or scissors with a fatigued mind in the AFAB patients that have ended up in her care. She prefers to just wax it all off and/or use an in-shower removal cream. It's not that she cares about being bald, she just doesn't want to deal with the maintenance on top of everything else or the discomfort that comes with having hair. It's quick and easy, two of her favorite things.

For Yuri, he didn't particularly care about trimming or maintaining a certain look before he met Petra. He trims his hair because it's what she's comfortable with (and he wants to look good for her, the absolute simp). That being said, one thing Petra does love about him is his body hair – his chest and arm hair is one thing, but it's his happy trail that drives her crazy. It runs right through a sizable scar on his abdomen (five points to anyone who can guess what it's from) and always sends her to her knees.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

Their first few times weren't necessarily all-too romantic, per se, because they were both horribly worried about something going wrong. Either they do something wrong that drives the other away, or the other suddenly decides to betray them in their most vulnerable state.

That never happens, though, and things only get more romantic as time goes on. Kissing, hand-holding, pressing their foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes... despite neither of them being much for PDA beyond holding hands when they're somewhere safe, sex is an extremely romantic time for them.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon.)

For Petra, despite having an above-average sex drive, she's never really been one for masturbating. Her mind has a tendency to wander when she tries to fantasize, either to work she feels like she should be doing or to less savory places that completely pull her out of the moment. She's tried watching porn to solve this issue, but it doesn't help – she starts asking herself the most stupid questions, like "Was this was actually made at home, or is the set and camerawork designed to make it look that way?" or "I wonder how much money they're making off my single view?" or, worst of all, her mind still drifts off to those unsavory places.

For Yuri, despite his natural sex drive being a little lower than hers (until he meets Petra, that is), he's a little more forgiving with himself and fulfilling this basic need. When he was younger, he'd jack off at least 2-3 times a week, but after the shit he went through after joining the military, he lost a lot of his desire to do so. He's never been the type to watch porn because he finds it awkward, nor is he going to be an idiot and try to jack off when someone could walk in, so he's gone incredibly long stretches without it. Like I said before – until he meets Petra. Even before they got together, he was making himself come undone to the thought of her several times a week.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks.)

Voice kink. He's not much of a talker, but he's happy to spout any filth or praise, so long as it keeps her whining and keening for him.

Praise. Self explanatory, this goes both ways.

Breeding/creampies. Even if they're not explicitly saying it, they both love it.

Overstimulation. This usually happens in the form of Yuri driving Petra into a sobbing mess, but she loves how sensitive he can get.

Edging. They like testing each other. Again, usually Petra's the one on the receiving end.

Phone sex/mutual masturbation. These go hand-in-hand, specifically when they're forced apart by their responsibilities.

Marking. Bites, hickeys, bruises – they try to keep it to spots easily hidden by clothing, but occasionally someone gets a little too eager and forgets that.

(Light) bondage. This is one that took a decently long time for them to build up to. Between her existing trust issues and her prior assault, it was a bit of a challenge for Petra at first, but Yuri is a patient man happy to wait for her to be ready.

Nicknames. Mainly for her. He could add "my" in front of almost anything and send a shiver running down her spine. One "good girl" is all it takes to get her going some days.

Grinding. Okay, I'll admit it: there are times these two barely reach taking their clothes off. He loves watching her chase her high on his lap or thigh, and she loves watching his resolve break while he's still fully-dressed, sometimes even in some of his gear.

Sleepy sex. Whether it's before bed or (preferably) after they wake up, they love it. They yearn for every domestic moment they can get.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do.)

Somewhere private, ideally. If they're somewhere with less privacy, like base (whether it's 141, Chimera, etc.) or otherwise a more public place, they try to behave. If there's a room they can safely sneak off to and lock the door behind them, though? It will be used. Their respective offices and bedrooms are their usual spots, if they just can't resist.

At home (because eventually they'll live together off-base), though, no spot is off-limits. Bedroom, couch, kitchen counters, dining table, shower, desk, against the wall, on the floor... it's a challenge to think of where they haven't fucked, honestly.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going.)

They're both major teases once they get more comfortable (and even a little before), so that's usually what leads to one of them breaking and dragging the other to the bedroom, if they even make it that far.

For Petra, what gets her going pretty much 100% of the time is watching Yuri do something with his hands. It can be something as mundane as him filling out paperwork or cleaning a gun, or something as intentional as him running his hands along her curves. Seriously, major hand kink on this one.

For Yuri, what never fails to get him going are the damn doe eyes Petra gives him whenever she's in the mood. She doesn't realize when she's doing it, but the way she looks up at him through her lashes and subtly pouts her lip, it's impossible to resist. Also, just watching her bend over or stretch can do wonders for his imagination and force him to drag her away to "share" his thoughts with her.

N = No (Something they won’t do, turn-offs.)

Anal. It's just not for them (or me lol).

Pain. Some low levels of it is okay, I did say that they love marking and a spank or two isn't unheard of, but they've endured enough pain in their lives already. They're each other's safe places, where they can be confident that every touch will be with nothing but love under their fingertips, they don't want to be hurt or hurt each other.

Threesomes+. Now, while this is subject to change in some fics because I'm an author with whorish thoughts, these two don't like sharing each other. It's not that they're possessive and jealous, they're just... protective and jealous. Petra's only time with more than one person (only one was involved in a sexual sense, but there was another participating) was non-consensual, so it's a "no" for her.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

In the past, she was used to giving and seldom receiving. She just felt awkward having all the attention be on her and she always felt bad over how long it took her to get off. That stopped being acceptable after these two got together. If there's one thing Yuri loves, it's having her thighs clamped around his head as he spends ages between her legs. No amount of time is too long, he's patient and so very methodical when it comes to getting her off.

Like I said before, Petra was always used to being the one giving, and she expected much the same with Yuri. There is some awkwardness thanks to his size and worries about hurting her, but once they get more comfortable? She'll be waiting for him in his office with her hair tied back. It's all about give and take, they never let the other spoil them without returning the favor. It doesn't usually take long for her to get him off this way, though – the mere sight of her kneeling on the floor, staring up at him with those doe eyes seeking approval, with her spit dripping down his length... yeah, that's really all it takes.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual is preferred most of the time. Sex is a time for them to let go and be their most vulnerable selves, so they like to take their time with it. That being said, Petra likes it rough when she's frustrated and just wants her mind wiped clean at the end of a long day – she gets off on the way Yuri can manhandle her so easily, and he can't get enough of the way she mindlessly babbles his name and scratches at his back whenever he fucks her into the mattress.

Basically, it depends on their mood. Slow and sensual, fast and rough, slow and rough... the latter is probably their favorite, honestly. Nothing makes her arch her back off the bed and dig her nails into his skin like those long, deep thrusts that come with it.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are not uncommon, surprisingly. Once these two get a taste of each other, it's like all the years of neglecting themselves pours out and their sex drives skyrocket.

They're both high-ranking officers well-respected by those under their command and workaholics in desperate need of a proper vacation, getting caught in such a position is a nightmare for both of them (mainly for Petra, Yuri cares less about respect).

If they're miraculously at base at the same time for an extended period of time, chances are, they'll sneak into each other's rooms or find somewhere to meet pretty regularly. Getting to take their time is always preferred, though.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Besides their hard no's, they're generally willing to experiment with new things. It's all part of feeling safe with each other and trusting the other not to do anything without their consent. Also, preferably somewhere private, just in case something does go poorly and they need time to recover.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Anyone who has been subjected to my Yuri rambling knows one thing about this man: He's got infinite fucking stamina. He can go for several rounds and still be ready and eager for more – he enjoys seeing how long he can last.

Part of what earned Petra her callsign is the way she can get beat down and always get back up. Yes, this extends to sex for her. It takes a long time and a lot of effort to properly tire her out, so these two can and will go for an egregiously long time whenever they get their hands on each other. Seeing how long they can last and who tires out first is a game for them at this point.

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

After the way she was raised, Petra felt very awkward and ashamed when it came to things like pleasing herself. She never really had toys of any kind because of it – on the rare occasion she'd masturbate, it was usually with her hands or the shower head, if she was desperate. She tried using toys with her ex, but he was the type to insist that he "didn't need the help."

With Yuri, she expected the same response. When she bought herself a small vibrator in an attempt to start pleasing herself when he wasn't around, the part of her that still felt guilty and ashamed over it made her keep it hidden from him.

However, once he found it, he didn't let it go unused. It was something they introduced slowly, but now he loves using it when he's edging or overstimulating her.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease.)

Like I've said a few times already, they're both major teases once they get more comfortable with each other. They're not mean about it (most of the time, at least), but they love riling each other up and seeing just how far they can push each other before they snap. Flirting, lingering touches, whispered innuendos... Petra almost died of embarrassment the first time she sent him a photo of herself, but Yuri's reaction to it made the embarrassment well worth it. Nowadays, she's happy to send him photos and videos, and he even surprises her by sending some in return.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

At first, she was too shy to make much noise. Labored breaths and soft whines were all he got out of her, with her covering her mouth whenever she worried about getting too loud. Yuri didn't accept this, though. He'd pin her hands with his own and drag such sweet sounds out of her – drawn-out whimpers and moans, high-pitched whines, sharp gasps and stuttering breaths. Every breathless "yes," "please," "more," and "Yura..." reminded him that the wait was worth it.

Likewise, he was damn near silent at first. Partially because he was focused on listening to her, and partially because he wasn't used to someone wanting to hear him. Every low grunt and growl that left his lips, every moan that she practically begged him for, every breath of his that fanned across her skin... The only sound she enjoys more is his voice and the words he says to her. When he seems to forget any language but his native tongue, with praise and sweet words in Russian and broken English being all he can muster, that is when she knows he's finally let go to be with her fully.

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character.)

For Petra: She's used to being the caregiver, both in her career, her platonic relationships, and her romantic relationships. With her ex, she was frequently giving without receiving much in return. With her one night stands, there was little to no aftercare provided to her. Because of this, she's always desperately sought out someone who would take care of her instead. After finding this in Yuri, she started letting herself fall into a more submissive state. She still cares for him like she always did for her past lovers, but it's more 50/50 now.

For Yuri: Some selfish and possessive side of him has a dream of being more open about their relationship. They don't hide it, but they limit themselves on PDA and don't often disclose their relationship to people they can't trust not to use the information against them. The thought of sitting at his desk or in a meeting with her on his lap, or even going so far as to get caught in the act just so people will see how well he takes her... it's a nastier fantasy that he keeps to himself (she knows, she can read him like a book) for both of their sakes.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Petra's fit and has a strong body thanks to a lifetime of training. Despite this, she's naturally fairly curvy and has PCOS, so she carries more fat than most people who live similar lifestyles. Most of it is concentrated in "ideal" spots, thankfully – thighs, hips, ass, and tits. Her bra size is 34DD (the joys of her body claim being a model lol) and her breasts are quite heavy, so she tries to control them with sports bras and tight-fitting clothing. Surprisingly, she's got nice shoulders from all the strength-building she's done to keep up with the rest of her team. Carrying medical supplies on top of the regular gear she needs has helped in her maintaining that look, too.

Yuri, on the other hand, is broad. Strong shoulders and a broad back, well-defined after years of military service. He's not some dehydrated, rigid bodybuilder, he's a man who eats well and takes care of himself – he's not soft and still has well-defined abs, but there's some fat over his muscles that just makes him look even bigger (did I mention he's around 6'2"/188 cm in the reboot?). He's littered in scars, both big and small, with his biggest being the older wound on his center stomach. I don't care that the reboot took away his tattoos, he still has them to me. Also: Uncut. 6.6 inches/16.8 cm length. 5.2 inches/13.2 cm girth. Sits heavy and low, even when hard. I will not elaborate further (yes I will).

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Both of them thought their sex drives were fairly low before meeting each other. For Petra, it came from a place of shame and unfavorable past experiences, whereas for Yuri, it came from a place of sheer exhaustion and never having the time to even consider that side of himself.

Once they find each other, though? It's like those years of neglect jump out and force them to act. They will go several times a night, several nights a week, and still crave more. The more comfortable they get and the more the relationship develops, the more their hunger for each other grows. There's times it feels almost scary, just how badly they need each other once they get attached.

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards.)

Depends on the circumstances (at work, at home, stress, fatigue, etc.) and how long they went for. On a good night, they're passing out while tangled up in each other's embrace not long after getting cleaned up. On nights that are a little less idealistic, though, they'll stay up talking about whatever comes to mind – because, a dull conversation is usually leagues better than the things keeping them awake – and trying to appreciate every moment they have together.

Sleep usually comes to them eventually (because there are nights where the best thing they can ask for is some hours of peace), even if it claims one of them faster than the other. They're each other's safe haven and each other's home, there's nowhere else they'll ever have an easier time finding reprieve.

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georgies-ftts · 8 months ago

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my thoughts and opinions on this weeks episode as someone who didn’t have time to watch last weeks episode, has never watched live american telly before and has discovered a new found hatred for your adverts. Also i swear a lot.

let’s begin

(spoilers obviously don’t be a knob)

1. he cannae be captain he’s only got two stripes on his epilette why are we focusing so much on this man

2. Bobby eyeing up that gun I like that (the acting)

3. this guy is giving me uncanny valley and i don’t like it

4. hehe dongle

5. i mean fair enough… in and out just like he said

6. Hen love of my life where the hell have you been loca

7. “and you won’t be anymore either” that’s actually dead funny to me

8. husbands that saw together survive trauma together <3

9. “everyone survived” i know foreshadowing when i see it

10. there’s a lot of drunk driver hatred (as deserved) somethings gonna occurr

11. oh he’s dead… lol karma fuckhead

12. Hen, i love you but why can noone on telly give me actual realistic CPR… break them ribs girl

13. christ these american adverts are weird

14. let me tell you advertising prescription medicine isn’t actually a normal thing to do

15. I don’t know boss man am no a dr but that’s an awful lot of blood are you sure you should still be breathing????

16. “Are you happy” “Yeah, Yeah I am” i have a feeling that’s all about to change buddy

17. just me or can anyone else not see a fucking thing that’s going on this episode why’s everyone in the dark for?

18. moving on from that i love the lighting in the office scene… chefs kiss

19. EXCUSE ME SHE WAS DOING HER JOB, NEXT YOU’LL SUSPEND HER FOR CODLING THE DRUNK DRIVER AND GIVING HIM TEA AND CHEEK KISSES PISS OFFFFF

20. Why do American comm’s systems always fail whenever you actually need them

21. They were axed to pieces. I will let you off -_- this time…

22. “I didn’t shoot him” honestly… same i hope you get yer pay out boss

23. Athena please for the love of god pop a paracetamol or a codeine and chill the fuck out

24. cause it has never been hard enough for them you just had to add a bastard bomb

25. ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES WHY MORE ADVERTS

26. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ADVERTISING TO YOUR CITIZENS

27. The Rookie ad i love it carry on

28. If he wasn’t under the influence then he was just being a cunt and hen had every right to react as such thankyou very much

29. Oh my fuck what is happening - don’t tear them apart i’ll start crying

30. Bitch you’re taking on water stop being a pussy and help

31. “Don’t test me.” Queen, you rag his arse

32. “port stabilisers are gone” surely you should be tilting like a bitch right now or did i miss a frame

33. MORE FUCKING ADVERTS????

34. why’s that lizard from london?

35. WHY ARE YOU ADVERTISING DEMENTIA MEDICATION THAT IS LITERALLY ADVERTISED ALSO AS A DEATH PILL WHAT DO YOU MEAN COMA AND DEATH THATS NOT HELPING

36. “i didn’t save him either” he quite literally refused your help despite being detained

37. didn’t get that SS Menow reference… try the Mayflower next time

38. “Saving the ship” “course she is” GIVE THEM ONE MOMENT OF PEACE PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU

39. okay good they are tilting like a bitch i will shut my mouth

40. NO STOP TILTING LIKE A BITCH I DONT CARE ABOUT REALISM I TAKE IT BACK NO

41. HOW MANY MORE ADVERTS DO YOU NEED

42. i don’t know but all your meds just seem to be doing the opposite of.. you know… keeping you alive.

43. woah therapy flash back get me one of those

44. you forgot to mention imminent death in your therapy session Mr Sir

45. “We did what we had to do” YOU’RE ALLOWED TO LIVE TOO.

46. “I couldn’t save my first family and I can’t save you either” and what if that was my last straw Robert Nash

47. ABC you can tone down the writing now i’m fucking sobbing

48. FUCK YOU AUSTRALIAN MAN I WAS CRYING MY EYES OUT

49. glad the us also have those Haribo ads

50. first time in my almost 20 years of life where i’ve seen an ADVERT for ANTIDEPRESSANTS that also actively make you MORE DEPRESSED

51. Hen i knew you were slaying you’ve never not slayed <3

52. no need for it was there mr boss man? no didn’t think so

53. You have no jurisdiction past the Gulf of Mexico??? ummmm??? distressed cruise ship full of your citizens???? idk??? do something????

54. oh. welp. no surviving that one, have fun with poseidon my loves

55. i don’t know about you but once i’ve been capsized like that in anything bigger than a kayak im giving up…

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blood-injections · 8 months ago

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Saw killjoy au infodump post!! Its danger days but my special little bloody guy is there! When I eventually write it it'll be centered around Adam and it mmmight be chainshipping I'm still deciding.

So the bathroom trap. still happens. adam lives in battery city and to make ends meet he takes pictures of people for people, doesnt matter who, he doesn't ask questions. He's taken jobs from better living to follow suspected rebels and hes taken jobs from rebels to follow some high-profile better living person to get more information on them before they take them out. He stays just off the rader and keeps himself just barely useful or not suspicious enough as to not be put into scarecrow training or something. Because he doesn't like better living, but he has to make ends meet. Jigsaw picks him because he thinks hes pathetic and hates how he doesn't pick a side, his tape says how he doesn't take his pills but he cant even bother fighting for anything. he could do anything with his free will and he chooses to throw his life away and this pisses jigsaw off. so will adam watch himself die, throw his life away once and for all, or will he finally use his free will to fight for something? Because in this au jigsaws motive of teaching people to value life comes from being under better livings control instead of having cancer, because better living is a cancer, really. so yeah jigsaw and co. are technically killjoys lol.

Lawrence is still in the trap too. hes a scarecrow who has stopped taking his pills and is becoming aware of his actions for the first time ever as well as coming to to a family, to a wife he cant remember falling in love with, they were probably set up by the city. He has a family, he has a kid, but its all been fake, does he even love them? can he? and hes haunted by the blood on his hands but he wasn't into control he cant really be a murderer if he wasn't in control, right? right. jigsaw even agrees. but hes also a sick bastard with a grudge against better living so he doesn't care. maybe Lawrence wasn't a murderer, not really, but now he will be. by the end if the day there will be blood on his hands that he can no longer deny or write off as someones elses actions. because to jigsaw it doesn't matter who was in control, lawrence still pulled the trigger. No matter what lawrence does, if he kills adam or not, there will still be deaths on his conscience, because he needs to learn a lesson, how it feels, how to be scared. he kills adam and his family will be spared. Don't kill adam? its his family that will die instead. but how can he choose? two people or one. two he thinks he loves, hes supposed to, but he hardly knows them, or one person that he might be falling in love with the more that adam begs for him to stay.

in the end he doesn't have to choose(well. not completely. the shoulder bullet prob still happens lol) and they both make it out because fuck you. also just so you know, in this au jigsaw is Dr Benzedrine and the apprentices are the suitehearts and that will absolutely come into play down the line with a possible frankenghoul cameo, the franken bit the result of being a victim of a trap of his own.

anyway adam, after nearly dying, after realizing he wants to fucking live, has never had plans before but now hes like fuck it, im getting out of here, im getting out of this freaky city with creeps like jigsaw apparently running around. he isnt taking any more chances. So he gets out, he becomes a killjoy. and theres the whole trauma bonding thing so he probably takes lawrence(who is still struggling with the am i a murderer or not thing and thinks he doesn't deserve this second chance. he'll accept it eventually) with him. i dont have any of lawrence's killjoy thought out yet i'll come up with some stuff later it also probably depends on if i decide its chainshipping and if hes even out there or not like i might just fucking adam stanheight final girl it like fuck it he wasn't doomed by the narrative his hacksaw didnt break or he found another way out of his chains and the roles are reversed or maybe he even fucking killed lawrence before lawrence could kill him who knows, i dont lol. theres so many possibilities.

anyway adam stanheight killjoy. his name Hacksaw Jagger(working title) because hacksaw. you know. and jagger because a jagger is another term for a vouyer and i think thats clever. also adam could be a fan of the rolling stones and hed be like lol reference. but yeah, Hacksaw Jagger. depending on how things went in the bathroom he may or may not have a prosthetic leg. he dyes his hair at some point and to me personally. its the worst brassiest ugliest bleached tips youve ever fucking seen and probably like little liberty spikes at some point because. punk adam as well. you agree. anyway he looks pathetic and i love him. he definitely gets into racing at some point and also learns he has a thing for arson and explosives. so yknow. hacksaw+fun ghoul besties at first boom at some point. i also think it'd be fun if he joined/started a band but thats a conversation for another day maybe another au.

anyway thats it for now. also yes, i absolutely fuck with his gender. you're welcome.

#killjoy adam stanheight au #<needs an actual name but thats the tag for now #adam faulkner stanheight #ttlotfk #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #danger days #corvidscrap #killjoy saw au

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bluedalahorse · 1 year ago

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Hello @simonsapelsin! I’m ready to respond to the comment you left yesterday.

Within the parameters of canon—most likely no, but maybe? It would have to be backed up by a lot of plot and character developments in order for it to work.

This ended up being way too long, so more thoughts on sargust + thoughts on the potential created by AUs and canon divergences + thoughts on the idea of “healthy” relationships behind the cut…

So obviously season 2 ended in a really, really bad place for sargust. August refuses to embrace accountability and doubles down on his harmful behavior. Our last shot of Sara is her calling the police to report him, and in that moment she’s completely alone. They have that painful conversation about August buying Rousseau. That’s… that’s a lot for them to overcome, and season 3 doesn’t have enough episodes to get us there fully, unless the writing team are very, very clever and efficient.

There’s a popular fan interpretation of sargust that says that Sara and August both project identities onto one another and don’t see one another’s real selves. I understand and agree with that interpretation up to a point, but I don’t know if I necessarily agree with it 100%. In my mind they do see real things about one another (August sees Sara’s ambition and desire for independence, Sara sees August’s emotional vulnerability and need for help. And they do connect with one another in ways that others haven’t been able to connect with them. What August and Sara fail to predict about one another is the other’s choices. Sara assumed August would choose to be honest and August assumed Sara would choose to be queen. But I think the care they showed for one another earlier in the season was real, and the way they could hold space for one another was real. That’s really a meta I could write for another time, but a lot of it hinges on this line, which is not a line I am even remotely normal about:

(Note: I’ll probably write this meta eventually. The fact that these characters create a sort of home with one another! Also lol @ August looking like he is stoned out of his mind.)

So what would it look like for sargust to get a Second Chance Romance within the parameters of canon? I mean, first of all, they’d both have to mature independently for a while and work through a lot of the trauma they’re carrying.

For Sara, I want her to get away from home and have some distance from the place she grew up so she can put her childhood in perspective. Therapy would help. (I want that for Simon, too!) I’d also like to see Sara find some neurodivergent friends/community—I mean, we do tend to find one another and run in packs! And then some sort of career or life path that makes her happy. Maybe with horses, sure, but it’d also be interesting to see Sara keep horses as a beloved hobby while also finding a different career she’s passionate about.

For August, accountability and rehabilitation and understanding of the harm he did is incredibly important for his personal growth. Whether he faces that through the legal system or through some other process is something we have yet to see in the show. Then comes the long work of restitution and atonement, as well as the steps August needs to take to grapple with his various personal traumas. Like, please get this boy a place to process his grief over his father, treatment for his disordered eating, and rehab for his addiction to pills.

Now, Sara and August wouldn’t have to be 100% healed and self-actualized when they run across one another as adults—I don’t know if there’d be a story if they were, and this sort of stuff is lifelong work! But further along the paths above that I described—that could still be a good story.

Beyond growth and maturity, I think we’d have to see some sort of change in how August and Simon relate to one another, happening primarily on Simon’s terms because he was the one wronged, and that would need to be an important part of the story. This feels crucial. Now that Sara’s aware how much she hurt her brother, I don’t imagine she’d enter a relationship with August even if August is a super chill, okay person now. So I actually think a good Second Chance Romance story would have to heavily involve Simon in one way or another. But a fic where August and Simon interact more honestly with one another, and August has to face up to Simon’s personhood? That would definitely hold my attention. (I am kind of hoping they get more extended interaction in season 3, really. They have some sneaky but fascinating parallels as characters and I like watching the way Omar and Malte play off one another.)

Outside of canon… one thing I have considered is the potential to write a version of sargust in AUs that’s more tailored toward happy endings. Which doesn’t quite relate to your question but I do want to talk about it. As of now, AUs/Canon Divergence fics are a perfect place to make sargust actually work out. This fandom has a lot of imagination for AUs and canon divergences. And it’s no surprise—Young Royals is a rich, nuanced text that can be explored from many angles, so it only makes sense that we’d want to create a thousand alternate universe scenarios where canon could have gone differently. In my mind, if people can write “Erik lives” AUs, then “sargust is successful because August learns over time to be less shitty” AUs are also fair game.

The thing with writing an AU or canon divergence is that August’s complex brand of shittiness does not have to be inevitable or eternal. We’ve got creative freedom, baby! We can write any kind of arc for him that we want to and nudge him in all kinds of directions, and set him and Sara up for success! To me, part of the spirit of Young Royals is embracing the idea that everyone has choices, and that they are capable of growth that allows them to make better choices. I mean, sure, it’d be weird to find a version of August on page #1 of a fanfic who’s suddenly like, quoting bell hooks and pushing for an inclusive socialist utopia. I don’t know if I’d suspend my disbelief for that. But I also really struggle to suspend my disbelief for AU versions of August where he’s like… a straightforward flat villain solely out to cause trouble, which is something I have seen out there in the wild and clicked the “back” button over. I crave the nuance. The texture. The literary crunch of it all!

And I don’t think August has to be the center of a fic for that to happen, even. Like I think there’s ways to have him and Sara as a story’s Beta Couple or Gamma Couple and we’re rooting for them and you know what? It’s an AU where some of the characters are fae or 1980s punks or rival scholars of Cold War history so events are happening differently anyway. I’m sure there are ways to write August in character as his shitty self and have him eventually grow and change, without having August also ruin his chances with Sara because he does something that fucks Simon over so completely, you know?

Now, I know there’s fic writers out there who never under any circumstances want to write August’s character and can’t do so from a place of emotional safety. For some folks it is more comfortable to engage with him as a more straightforward villain. And that’s fair. Everyone should write what they feel comfortable writing! In this post, however, I’m thinking more about the people who want to include some kind of nuanced arc for August in their story, but also feel like no one will be interested in it, or like they’ll actually lose readers and engagement if they do write about him, even as a secondary character. Every once in a while I’ll see another fan allude to a really cool fic idea that involves August in some way or takes him in an interesting direction, and then they’ll be like, “oh, but why bother writing it, no one will read it anyway.” And… that makes me incredibly sad! Because I would happily read those fics. I know some other people who would happily read those fics! But I think we’ve normalized the idea that that’s just not how things are “done” in the Young Royals fandom. Which makes it very hard for people to take that risk. I think we’re missing out on some cool stories as a result, that could really be satisfying to read.

One final thought… I notice some fandoms use the word “healthy” when describing their OTPs/favorite pairings. I hope you’re okay with me unpacking that a bit? This is less a response to your comment in particular and more a response to fandom at large.

Honestly, “healthy” is a word that’s starting to feel pretty loaded for me, and can kind of rub me the wrong way. It seems that generally what people mean by it—when they apply it to a pairing—is that the pairing is good at communicating, respects one another’s boundaries, responds to one another’s needs, processes trauma, etc. And I do appreciate in a story when characters can do these things, to an extent.

But putting it under this umbrella label of “healthy” …well. Okay. “Healthy” is a word that society has added a moral dimension to, and it often gets weaponized against people with disabilities and mental illnesses and other chronic conditions. And health is not an indicator of personal worth. Holding people IRL to a standard of “healthy” kinda feels like you’re saying “it’s okay if you have these diagnoses, as long as you manage them in such a way that it seems like they don’t affect you or the people around you.” (And as someone who’s just recently begun managing a chronic condition, who’s struggling with how to tell my family members because of the way they’re going to moralize about my diet or my stress levels, and also struggling with the shit I’ve internalized over the years… well. I’m thinking about how we use the word “healthy” a lot.)

Bringing this back to the realm of fandoms (because, oof, TMI there blue!) holding a fictional character or pairing to the standard of “healthy” can kind of create some uncomfortable fandom dynamics—at least it can for me, personally. When I see fans take pride in the fact that they ship a “healthy” pairing, to the point where they frequently talk about how “healthy” their pairing is, it’s almost impossible for me not to read such comments as using a moralizing tone that implicitly puts others down for having “unhealthy” ships. Sometimes—generally I haven’t seen this as much in YR fandom—there are even people who will straight up write you off if they perceive your ship as “unhealthy” or “toxic.” And then suddenly all ships are either deemed healthy or unhealthy, and healthy ships are retroactively interpreted as doing everything right, while unhealthy ships can never do anything right, and there’s no hope for them. And that is… a bleak and boring landscape for shipping, if you ask me.

I want to read romances where writers are informed about how trauma can affect relationships and how one can learn to survive it, yes. But I feel iffy about the idea of a perfectly “healthy” romances for sargust or wilmon, seeing as they’re all characters with trauma and mental health struggles, and all of them have days that are Not So Good. They could all mature into adults who’ve learned from their past, but like, Wilhelm might still have panic attacks because anxiety is like that sometimes and it’s not a moral failing. August could go through rehab and be in a much better place and harm others less, and still might struggle with intense emotional disregulation or thoughts related to disordered eating, you know? I’d like reading trauma-informed stories where sargust can mature and heal. But they still might have bad days because that’s what being human is.

In addition, I also like tragic sargust where things just don’t work out between them and everything falls apart, because as I’ve said elsewhere on this blog, I’m a slut for tragedy.

So. Idk. I talk about all these things and all these possibilities in hopes that maybe someone in the fandom will get inspired by them. We’ll see if it does that! Ahaha. It’s worth a try.

ADDENDUM, since I didn’t talk about my own fic ideas here:

Heart and Homeland is an AU fic, and it’s tragic sargust for sure. And I’m proud of it, despite the part where their relationship is tragic! And I tried to work in little glimmers where you see how their relationship could have worked.

Now, my next fic idea, shared with @heliza24, is one set in a canon divergence universe where Sara goes to campus to look for Simon, on the night that Everything Is Fake But Wilhelm’s Love For Simon Is Real. As Sara walks around campus, trying to find her brother, she bumps into August, who is still high from the party and is just sort of… emotionally all over the place? In my head I think Sara and August actually trip over one another and he gets a skinned knee or something, so they have to break into some part of school late at night to get band-aids from a first aid kit, and they end up in a weird, late-night conversation and August actually ends up talking to Sara about his grief for Erik. Thus, he’s never at the window to film the video, and some weird door opens up in his brain about actually having someone he can open up to. He doesn’t change overnight, but his character—and everyone else’s characters—are butterfly effected in a totally different direction. That’s all I’m going to say for now! But gosh, I really hope I get the time and energy to write it.

#young royals #sara eriksson #august horn #sargust #this is a long post i am sorry #and also it veers into my thoughts about fandom stuff in general #but hopefully there are a few good ideas in there

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