#but hopefully the antibiotics help the pain
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the antibiotic they put me on for the bone infection (i'm not sure it's in the bone?? around it??? idk how to read x-rays) anyway the pills are massive and i was really really scared but i just took the first one! wooo! hopefully it doesn't make me ill cause meds tend to do that lol
#also i have pill trauma lol#so this was 😓#now i just have to do it twice a day for the next ten days#uhhh which yk i'm so ready for all this to be over#but hopefully the antibiotics help the pain#and yk#keep me from going septic lol#the infection is already wrecking havoc on my blood glucose and heart rate and cognition#so hoooopefully that stops#ugh#anyway#end of tag diary number one million
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about to get my wisdom teeth exploded !
#i developed a very sudden and unbearably painful ear infection because of my impacted teeth#so i havent really slept much in like 4 days#they had a sudden opening and i was like yes yes yes please fucking knock me out#im very nervous now but I'm sure itll be fine and hopefully the pain will be gone soon#im also on antibiotics and a special mouthwash to help w/ that#the price is fucking nuts but thats america huh!
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It has been a rough month for 100% physical reasons. I often blame a lot of physical symptoms on my mental health and I think it's often valid, but a sinus infection is not one of those things. I really really want my head to stop hurting.
#otherwise mentally I've been FINE which is frustrating because I'm skating through school just a touch at the moment because of the pain#I skipped my easier classes last week#the pain is getting worse and antibiotics are not helping#I scheduled an appt for my pcp but that's on tuesday after my microbiology exam#my hardest class by far#and I'm concerned about just how well I'm going to be able to study for it#I had a nice couple of hours this morning without pain but it didn't last#I've spent the evening spiraling a bit as I took medications and drank water and ate food and waited for any of it to help and it didn't#by 2050 we won't have working antibiotics anymore so is this what that future will be like permanently?#that's the kind of thoughts I was having#I think that date has been updated since I first read that statistic but I haven't checked#I know drug companies have some things in the works so hopefully the antibiotic resistance crisis is avoided but#I know we're not there yet and I think about that legitimately at least once a week#anyway I hope I find an antibiotic that does work and fast for me because I get very self centered when I'm in pain#so all that got me crying and I don't know whether that's good or bad for my headache#probably good for a moment and then it'll settle and make things worse I imagine#my poor cats don't know how to handle me having a breakdown#'we are the babies? why are you crying...we are the ones who are supposed to do the crying?'
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Usually a bit too stubborn to do this, but a surprise $250 vet bill was not ideal, so here I am. If anyone has some spare change this week, and if Bug has brought you happiness worth giving it, I could use a little help.
To explain, she tore the keratin sheath off a nail yesterday, exposing the quick/bone underneath. I took care of it with everything I had on hand to the best of my ability and it will likely heal- the tear was clean and my care of the wound was sound. I found the wire she caught it on and fixed it, to prevent this from happening again.
Ouch!
Thankfully, we are in good enough standing with my vet that she was able to see us today on her lunch break instead of weeks from now like they're booked out to, which she is a saint for doing (and hopefully we make it easier because my birds are always well behaved and quick to deal with). She gave us some antibiotics to prevent infection in the skin and bone, a med to help blood flow to give the nail a good chance to heal and regrow, an anti-inflammatory/pain med, and wound balm for bandaging.
I paid for it, obviously, but I used a large chunk of the cash I had set aside for the feed bill which is coming due in the next week or two (usually around $350 for 4-6 months worth), and I could really use a fucking break after the last year.
So, if this silly little gremlin
has touched your life and you'd like to help me out in her care and make my week a little better, I have PayPal ([email protected]) and ko-fi, and if I have to I can probably figure out other things (random apps are my nightmare, but I will dream for her if that's what it takes)
Thanks in advance for anyone willing to help us out, donating or signal boosting this post. Have another Bug
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At the emergency vet again, taking no chances. Hopefully this is just a UTI and we caught it early enough.
We will need help to pay for this. We are already 5k in the hole from losing the boys last month and I haven't even recovered enough to try to raise funds to cover that.
PayPal is [email protected] if you want to help. I'm close to hitting my emotional limit here.
EDIT: I knew saying something would get them back in here. It's a UTI so she's getting antibiotics and some pain meds. She should be okay, just really uncomfortable. Poor baby.
I'm a fucking wreck and could use some goddamn Valium.
And yes, we do still need to pay off that massive bill. Jesus.
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How would Harry react when he notices you don’t feel well bc of your period?
harry’s reaction to your monthly visitor (headcannon)
You’re someone who tracks their cycle quite religiously so you know when it’s coming, giving you some time to prepare to spend the first (at least) 2 days in bed
You have always had a pretty nasty period, the pain was extremely bad the first couple days and you’re energy was at essentially a 0 for the 6 days it took you out of commission
Now speaking of angels, we’ll talk about Harry because he is the absolute sweetest when it comes to you and your well-being. He has always made sure that you have everything you could ever want and more
So when Harry came home to the house quiet, the smell of lavender spilling from the bathroom upstairs, he knew you weren’t feeling well and it was that time of the month
He’d make his way upstairs after getting a little plate of snacks ready, some water and juice as well in case you wanted either, he was a man who came prepared with many options
“Baby..?”
He waits until he hears a soft “in here…” before entering into the bathroom, his features softening at the sad smile you had on your face, eyes bloodshot; he could tell you’d been crying
“Oh love…that bad?”
“H-Horrible today”
Harry leant down to press a kiss to your forehead, swiping a piece of hair out of your face that has escaped the claw clip keeping it in a bun
“I brought some snacks up for after your bath, have you taken any painkillers yet..?”
“No, I just kind of got in the bath”
Nodding he moved towards the medicine cabinet, quickly finding your prescription from the doctor. You had cramps so bad that your physician had gotten you special antibiotics specifically for the pain
“Alright my darling, here…”
“Thank you baby”
You took the pills from him and the water bottle he’d gone to get, taking them with ease
“There we go, hopefully that helps with some of the pain, you ready to get out?”
“Yes please”
Harry made sure to grab the fluffiest towel, warm off the towel rack before helping you get out, sitting you down on the side of the tub so he could empty the water out
“Alright, what do you want to wear darling?”
You thought about it for a moment, determining what would be the comfiest to sleep in
“Um can I have one of your sweaters and just a pair of sweet pants please?”
He smiled pressing a kiss to your lips
“Mhm, any sweater?”
“Yes please”
You smiled to yourself watching as he disappeared into the bedroom, coming back with one of his sweaters, some sweatpants and a pair of his boxers knowing you found them much more comfortable than a pair of your own underwear while you were cramping
“Thank you m’love, always treat me so well”
“Always will, till we’re old and my body breaks down”
You laughed at this, only wincing slightly when a cramp hit
“No more making me laugh”
Harry simply laughed to himself before agreeing, helping you get dressed before you made your way towards your shared bed which right now looked like heaven
“Okay, can I get you anything else while you get comfy?”
“Cuddles…? Please?”
Harry watched your eyes soften as you looked at him and he swore his heart flipped in his chest at how sweet you looked
“I was wondering when you’d ask that”
It was safe to say Harry was the absolute best when it came to your time of the month, or anytime you felt sick even just after a bad day. He was your sunshine, and you were the luckiest girl in the world to be loved by him🩷
#harry styles#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x girlfriend reader#harry styles x reader#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles x female reader#harry styles x plus size reader#harry styles x wife reader#harry styles masterlist#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfiction#rueswrites#ruesanswers#ruesanons<3#ruesasks
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୨୧ sorry for kind of disappearing last night and for most of today, had to go to the emergency dentist for something that happened with one of my back teeth and now i am scheduled to get it taken out within about two weeks…
dentists are not a fun place for me, i hate going to them and always have, i have never ever gotten a tooth taken out before, i have rarely ever even had tooth pain before so i have just been loaded up on antibiotics and painkillers which kind of knock me out lolol, best to sleep through the pain right? but hopefully posting here, writing as well as playing some games will help distract me from all of it a little
anyways, yeah! just a quick explanation for you guys as to why i maybe did not respond to comments or anything like that! this pain is fucking horribleee, i keep freaking out about what i might feel when they take my tooth out, i am not quite myself because of the pain i’m in and so on… just not a fun time, i did not do great at the doctors when it came to handling my anxiety either so that sucks :(
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AheM 🌸 Im a secret lover for hugs so I’ll gladly accept and reciprocate :) and yep sorry I just fuLLy fully read the whole post :’) that definitely goes out to them and you and whoever gets unnecessary stupid hate. Heheh well if you don’t mind I’ll ask for something under this and it’s more than okay if you took like months just take ur time🤭 naw I’m sorry you didn’t have a great day, that’s really shit, but I’m super happy you feel better and hopefully today and tomorrow is a better day! And remember I’ve got two shoulders in case and anytime🫡💪 how’d you know? I’m like always dehydrated, dehydration is scared of me ahaha. But hey most if the time it’s always the people giving advice aren’t following it… so you better be drinking plenty of water too!! And as for the request, would it be possible to ask for a WandaNat with like pregnant reader or reader already recovering from a bad injury with prompts like ‘Ill timed’ and ‘ it’s nothing’🫣 if not that’s okay but ily thank you thank you your amazing eat drink SLEEP, take care of yourself please :)) <3
Are You Staying
⧽ Notes: Hi! So, I don't write anything for pregnant anyone, but here's a sick and hurt reader for you!
⧽Summary: Reader is injured badly after a mission, leaving them with an infection.
⧽Word Count: 1665
〔 Masterlists 〕
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
You were so, so tired of laying in bed, but your girlfriends wouldn’t let you get up. Apparently, when you ignore an injury for so long that the infection turns into sepsis you are no longer allowed to make decisions for yourself. Who knew?
Well, there you were, laying in bed, struggling to focus on the book that you were holding in slightly trembling hands. The large gash along your side was beginning to throb again, indicating that you needed another dose of pain medicine, but it made you groggy and you didn't like it.
You were already feeling sort of fuzzy, your mind blurring in and out. Your head ached and you were starting to wonder if this was more than just the damn lingering infection. Bruce had finally taken you off the IV antibiotics but you were warned that it was vital for you to take the oral ones on a strict schedule to ensure that you didn’t get worse again.
You rubbed your throat gently and cleared it, trying to get rid of the tickle that had taken up residence there in the past hour or so. It was when the first sneeze came that you finally connected the dots.
The pain in your sinuses, the slightly runny nose that had required you to wipe it every few minutes, the inability to get warm, the overwhelming feeling of fatigue. It wasn't the infection. You had a cold. You had a damn cold. Of all things, you had gotten yourself sick. Your girlfriends were going to kill you.
Deciding that it was probably best to keep them out of the loop, you put the book aside and curled up under the blankets in a last-ditch effort to sleep the bug off. Maybe if you’d noticed earlier you would’ve had time to get ahead of it, but for now, you would at least sleep. Putting off rest had probably not helped the situation. Fuck. This was going to be a very long few days.
When you woke you were incredibly disoriented. The pain in your side was so bad you felt like you wanted to throw up and for some reason, you couldn’t move. This was wrong, this was not okay.
You managed to sit up with a lot of effort but your head was spinning, the room tilting around you in a way that made you wonder if you should call your girlfriends. They probably wouldn’t mind, they weren’t doing anything important, they just had a lot of busy work to do. You were also supposed to be doing busy work if you felt up to it, but there was absolutely no way you could read, much less hold a pen.
A harsh fit of coughing wracked your body, your lungs burning in agony as your side screamed at you that you needed to stop, that you needed to sit still and never move again, but you couldn’t stop coughing.
You doubled over despite the protest of your body and hacked until you finally managed to cough up a glob of something green and absolutely disgusting. You leaned over the side of the bed and spit into the trashcan with an agonized groan.
No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t get a full breath of air into your lungs. Everything hurt, everything was miserable, and the world was definitely ending. Tears rolled down your cheeks which you were sure were flushed with fever and you were regretting not taking the pain medication earlier. Now you were in too much pain to get up and find the pills.
You managed to roll over and grabbed your phone, gasping aloud as you pleaded with the world that your stitches stayed intact. You really didn’t want to stain your bed with any unnecessary blood, the girls would probably be upset, they loved this comforter.
With pain blurring in your vision you managed to click on the icon for Wanda’s name and hit speaker, absolutely no way that you would be able to hold the phone up to your ear.
“Hi sweet girl, what’s up? Are you alright?” The woman’s voice lilted over the phone, immediately calming you down. She had a way about her, her mere presence, whether in person or over the phone, always served to make you feel safer.
“I-I need…Wanda…Wanda it hurts…” You said through quiet sobs, your words punctuated by a particularly harsh sneeze that made you cry out.
“Okay, okay love, give us five minutes. I’m going to stay on the phone with you. Are you bleeding? Can you check for me?” She asked, you could hear that she was running, another set of footsteps behind her.
“No.” You whimpered, desperate for them to be back. You wanted them to fix it, you wanted them to make everything stop hurting, you wanted them to magically cure your sickness, which Wanda may actually be able to do.
“Alright baby, just stay still. Wanda and I will be there soon. Keep breathing.” That was Natasha, her voice rushed as footsteps pounded in the background. You coughed and let out a sob, curling into a ball as your eyes and nose streaming. Part of you wished that the pain would just take over so that you could pass out and stop feeling it.
You had almost slipped into that unconsciousness when the door slammed open and you felt gentle hands on your cheeks, one of the girls pleading with you to open your eyes. You obeyed, but mostly because of the harsher tone that you were sure came from Natasha.
You stared at their blurry figures, wondering how much of this was the fever and how much was the injury.
“Hey baby girl, there you are. Here, just want you to take this, okay? Swallow for me.” Wanda slipped a pill into your mouth and Natasha followed it with a cool bottle pressed to your lips. You took a little sip, but the cold water grated against your throat in an incredibly uncomfortable way. Every molecule in your body was ordering you to just stop. Your body was done.
“Oh Y/n, you’re burning up. Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you say something sooner?” The witch cooed, wiping away tears as quickly as they could.
“I-it’s nothin’, s’nothin. J’st hurts.” You breathed, already feeling the effects of the strong cocktail that was whatever Bruce had prescribed for you.
“Do you think the infection’s back? We’ve been making sure that they take the antibiotic, should we call Banner?” Natasha asked, speaking to you as if you weren’t in the room, literally sitting right there. Of course, you were so out of it that you may as well have been in space, floating away from reality.
“Y/n, love, Nat’s going to check your side,” Wanda said, well aware that you weren’t listening even in the slightest as the drug kicked into your system. She could feel the heat radiating off of your skin and was absolutely panicking, but doing a good job of keeping it under control.
Natasha very carefully lifted up your shirt and peeled back the bandage to reveal a thankfully clean, not bleeding cut with all of the stitches still intact. She let out a sigh of relief and kissed your stomach right next to the injury.
You sneezed pitifully into the pillow and whined, looking up at Wanda with big, sad eyes. She grabbed a tissue and wiped your nose tenderly, her whole body relaxing as she took in the situation.
“You’re sick, aren’t you?” Natasha shifted and frowned at the two of you, sitting right by your head. You shifted into her lap and nodded, muffling a fit of chesty coughs into her leg. The assassin rubbed your back while the brunette by your feet hummed her disapproval.
“Okay, Y/n/n, let’s check your temperature and we’ll get you some medicine.” The thermometer was still there since they had been monitoring your temperature for infection reasons, but now you had a fever for a whole new reason! Your body was trying to kill you for something new!
“Open.” You glanced over at Wanda and pouted slightly, nuzzling closer to your other girlfriend, the one who wasn’t going to make you do something that you didn’t want to. You didn’t hurt anymore and you weren’t about to stay awake until the pain came back.
“Just listen to her,” Natasha ordered, poking you in the face to get you to open your mouth. Your first instinct was to bite her, but she was too quick for that. The witch placed the thermometer under your tongue and you let it stay there, not in the mood to fight either one of the women.
The redhead you were sitting on stroked your hair as you waited for the stick to beep, unknowingly lulling you closer to sleep.
“102.4, that’s not great. Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Wanda murmured, scooching up on the bed so that she was laying beside you, still wearing relatively comfortable clothes. You rolled over and pressed your head into her chest, mumbling some excuse that no one could make out under your breath.
“Okay babe, take some more Tylenol and you can sleep.” You lifted your head and opened your mouth, not caring enough to take it yourself. If they wanted you to be medicated, they would be medicating you. Natasha rolled her eyes while Wanda chuckled and she helped you swallow the pills before laying you back down.
“You stayin’?” You slurred tiredly, cuddling up against the Sokovian.
“Of course, we’re staying, dummy. Apparently, you can’t be trusted by yourself.” The redhead grumbled, laying down on your other side. She pulled the blankets up over the three of you and kissed your shoulder blade. Wanda kissed your forehead and you sniffled, snuggling deep into the blankets. You could deal with the cold later, for now, you just wanted to be held.
#sickfic#fever#fanfiction#sick fanfiction#marvel sickfic#marvel#sick reader#marvel mcu#wanda maximoff#fever whump#natasha x y/n#natasha romanoff#natasha x reader#wanda x natasha#natasha romonova#natasha x sick reader#natasha x you#natasha x wanda#wanda x you#wandanat x reader#wanda x y/n#wandanat#wanda multiverse of madness#wanda marvel#avengers#avengers sickfic#hurt/angst#hurt/comfort#hospital stuff#infection
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Look for the Light - Part 7
Masterlist
Summary: Four years ago, Joel saved you from certain death. In return, you followed him faithfully. Always ready to do and give him whatever he asked, despite the hurt it inflicted on you, body and soul. Agreeing to go with him to deliver Ellie to the Fireflies… this would be the last time you’d follow him… After this, your debt would be paid.
Relationships: Reader x Joel Miller, Joel Miller & Ellie, Reader & Ellie
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose to give none. Read at your own risk. 18+ (Once again... I know this took a while but I hope you like it :) Please don't hurt me... )
Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
You clutched Joel's hand like it was the only thing tethering him to this world. He looked terrible. His eyes had sunken into his skull and his skin had taken on a sickly grey palette, glittering with sweat in the low light of the ward. It had taken several gruelling hours to remove the infected tissue and repair the damage the baseball bat had done to his stomach. You and Tommy had sat there and waited, each painful hour that went by leading to your dread increasing tenfold.
Then when you were convinced that the worst had happened.
The doctor had come and fetched you both.
You had been led to a small room where Joel had been set up for observation. The doctor informed you that they wanted to keep a close eye on him for the next twenty-four hours before they were comfortable putting him in the general ward.
That was four days ago.
Now you were just willing the man you loved to fight. Each day you were told the same thing.
"He's no worse... But he's not any better either."
You had lost count of how much you had pleaded with the man to come back to you. Your heart hurt with each hour he remained unresponsive. He had been pumped with as much antibiotics as the small hospital could spare and now it was all down to him.
"Ellie's started school." You piped up after a while "Already made a few friends but there's one she's constantly rattling on about." You chortled as you stood to plump his pillows a little and adjust his blanket "Some girl called Dina... Seems really taken with her.
"It's nice to see." You finished as you smooth his hair back and leant down to kiss his brow.
You jumped when you felt his brow draw together a little. Your eyes widened as you pulled back to look at him better. Sure enough, he sported a small frown.
"Joel?" You called as you cupped his face "Joel can you hear me?"
He didn't respond.
Instead, his whole body went rigid and your stomach sank. This wasn't him waking up. This was something else completely.
"HELP." You screamed as Joel's body started to thrash violently "PLEASE." You sobbed as you fought to keep the man on the gurney.
Hands then pulled you away as the doctor and some nurses took over.
"Come with me." Said a kind voice and you allowed the owner to guide you away from Joel and into the dreaded waiting room you had already spent much time in.
"Why won't he get better?" You sobbed as she guided you to a chair "I just want him to fight."
"He was very sick when he arrived here." The kind voice replied, "The doctor did everything he can to remove the infection but it reached his bloodstream." She sighed as she rubbed your back in an attempt to soothe your hiccuping cries "We have given him all the medicine we can spare and hopefully the latest supply run will bring some more but hun, even then this fight is down to him."
"I just... I just thought that with the medicine, he would just turn that corner and get better."
"Everyone hopes for that sweetie." The kind voice cooed "But unfortunately, it doesn't always go that way."
You nodded numbly. Giving her a weak smile as you looked up at her.
"I'll come and get you when he's stable." She finished before giving you a sympathetic smile.
Then, you were left alone to wait again. Tommy walked in a short while later and saw you sitting in the waiting room. His face then sported the same frown that Joel wore, it was obviously a family trait.
"Why you in here?" He asked as he jog over to you, his heart leaping to his throat when you choked on a sob.
"He had another seizure." You replied between hiccups "They're working on him now and will come get me when he's stable." You managed to choke out before your eyes dropped back to your hands.
Tommy nodded and sat himself down beside you, his eyes watching the yellowed plastic clock on the wall. Around half an hour passed before anyone came to fetch you. Your nails were bitten bloody and your hair a mess when the lady who owned that sweet voice came to fetch you again. She led the two of your wordlessly back to Joel's bedside where the doctor was standing waiting for you with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Good to see you, Tommy." The doctor said as he acknowledged the younger Miller with a nod.
"How's he doing doc?" The man asked and he was answered with a sigh.
"I'm not going to sugarcoat this." He started and your stomach sank "The antibiotics we have just aren't getting the better of the infection. Without more, I can't see him pulling through this."
"Did the supply run find any?" Tommy asked and the doctor shrugged.
"They've not returned yet." He replied simply "They're due back in tomorrow morning. I have given him all we can spare."
"So you do have more medicine available?" Tommy pushed and the doctor nodded.
"Well yes but we can't use it all on one man. There are other people here than may need it."
"May... not do!" Tommy pushed "My brother's layin' there dyin' and he needs that medicine."
"I understand that but-"
"There's no buts here Doc." Tommy growled "You better give Joel everything you can. I need to know that you are doin' everything you can to save him because if you don't-"
"Tommy." You warned, stopping the man before he said something he'd regret "Is there any way you can spare a little more?" You pleaded and the doctor sighed.
"I will discuss it with Maria and co. and see what they say." He replied, shrugging his shoulders "But I know it'll be a no."
"Maria's my wife!" Tommy argued, his eyes dark and angry.
"Yes, but she's always in charge of the well-being of this town. She can't favour one over all." The doctor pointed out "I will see what I can do but I can't make any promises."
"We understand." You said softly in the hopes it would placate the situation "Anything you can do will be appreciated."
The doctor left after that and you were left to watch as Tommy sobbed over the state his brother was in. Your heart ached for him. You knew he blamed himself for this. He's told Joel that it wasn't a suicide mission and now his brother was hanging on by a thread. But if you were being honest with yourself, you blamed yourself also. If you'd done better.
The three of you were frantic as you tried to load your weapon into the horse. You had just managed to get yours secured when Ellie called out.
"Joel!"
Your head whipped around in time to see a raider sprinting towards your party. Desperately your tried to pull your weapon out again but nerves got the better of you and by the time you had managed to unfasten it from the horse's saddle, Joel was already brawling with the man.
You held the weapon steady as you watched the men tussle and then, the man grunted a little before a sickening crack sounded and the man dropped dread. The three of you stood motionless for a moment as the adrenaline from what just happened started to wear off. Then, yours and Ellie's eyes grew wide as they zeroed in on the broken bat handle that was now lodged in Joel's stomach. The man looked down at the offending item, shock settling in and that's probably what then led him to pull it out. Blood spilt through his fingers as he clutched his gut and started to waiver.
You sprung into action then. The gun was strapped back on the horse much faster than before and as other raiders started to spill from the building, you ran to help Ellie.
"Joel! Get on the horse!" She ordered when the man started stumbling "Get on the horse." She ordered again, helping keep him steady as he sat himself in the saddle and grabbed the reigns. You then jumped onto your own mount before the three of you made a run for it. Ellie shot at the men as the horses galloped away from their attackers.
You made it to some railway tracks a short while later, Slowing your horses to a walk when satisfied that your attackers were not close behind you.
"They're not following us. I think we're safe." You piped up as you looked over your shoulder before returning your eyes to the route ahead.
"Joel?" Ellie called out again and you looked over to see the man in question listing in the saddle, his head dropping just before he did.
"Joel, no, no, no! shit!" Ellie called out as she leapt down from the horse and dropped to the man's side.
"Fսck!" You exclaimed as you joined her at his side, hands then pressing down hard on the gushing wound.
"Joel? Joel? shit. Joel, open your eyes." Ellie pleaded as she tapped his cheek "Open your eyes. Joel, you gotta get up." She begged, tears falling freely as she looked down at his unconscious form "I can't fսckin' do this without you." She whispered, letting a few more tears fall before she looked up at you "What do we do?"
"I uh... Umm..." You trailed off.
Truth was you didn't know what to do. You were in shock and you had no idea where you were. You needed to find shelter. That much was obvious but you also needed to move Joel and that was where things would be more difficult. Your eyes then drifted to the blood that slipped through your fingers.
"I should have been quicker." You sobbed as you dropped your head and cried "If I had just been faster, this wouldn't have happened."
"This isn't your fault." Ellie choked and you scoffed.
You said nothing. You didn't want to argue. You knew this was your fault and you would never forgive yourself if he died. His blood was on your hands. Both literally... and figuratively.
You were sitting at Tommy's table with him when Maria arrived home. The hospital had kicked you out a little over an hour ago and so instead of wallowing alone, had chosen to do it with the younger miller. She said nothing when she entered. She hung her coat and made her way to the kitchen, placing the kettle to boil so she could make some tea.
"How's Joel doing?" She asked when she returned with the brew, placing one in front of you also.
"He's dying." You answered plainly "Needs more medicine."
"What did the council decide?" Tommy asked his wife, his sad eyes making her guilt bubble to the surface when she answered his question.
"We said no to the use of the last of the antibiotics." She stated plainly and you sobbed.
"What the fuck... Why?" Tommy asked, his expression morphing into something else entirely.
"Because the supply run group still haven't returned yet and we can't risk potentially using the last of what we have on one man."
"That man is my brother." Tommy growled and Maria sighed again.
'I know that but-"
"This ain't got nothing to do with the medicine." Tommy spat "This is to do with the fact that y'all don't like him. Ever since he arrived here you have been tellin' folk to be weary of him. That he's dangerous." The younger Miller continued "Well new flash honey... So am I!"
"It has nothing to do with my feelings towards Joel." Maria argued but Tommy was having none of it.
"Don't fuckin' lie to me." He drawled "You've made it clear from the beginning that you don't trust him. Now you're choosing to let him die because you're worried about what impact he'll have around here."
"It's not like that and you know it." Maria spat out "Yes, I don't trust your brother but I would never allow a man to die, simply because I didn't like him?"
Tommy glared at his wife as he waited for her to continue. The air in the room was so thick with tension that you were sure you might choke. You wondered if you should leave. This was clearly an issue between the two of them but when you went to move you found your limps wouldn't move.
"If the supply run returns with more medicine then I will gladly give the last of what we currently have to Joel. I don't hate him so much that I would leave Ellie without a dad. But I can't just give it to him because he'd my husband's brother." She warned, her eyes wide in an attempt to get her point across to him "There are rules I gotta follow and I can't break them." State stated plainly "Not even for you."
You were sitting on the couch in the house you'd been assigned when Ellie came in. Your eyes drifted from the fire in front of you to the teenager as she stepped into the room and plonked herself down on the armchair across from you. She seemed to be deep in though, not reacting to you when you first called out her name.
"Ellie?" You said more firmly and she looked up at you then, her expression troubled "Everything okay?"
"Yeah... well... I um, I guess."
"You guess?" You pushed and she shrugged.
"Well, I like bumped into a guy I go to school with and his brother was on that supply run." She started and already you knew this was headed in a direction you didn't like.
"Oh yeah?" You piped up, hoping to draw a little more information from the girl.
"Yeah, well apparently the patrol came back and they found them dead about a mile away. Looks like it was Raiders."
Your stomach sank at that and your hands started to shake as you leaned forward in your seat.
"Why raiders and not infected?" You asked, knowing you weren't going to like the answer.
"Cus they were like literally stripped bare." She answered "Like everything was gone. Even their clothes."
Your hand shot to your mouth as you leaned back and attempted to hold back a sob. Only to fail and grab Ellie's attention.
"They were looking for medicine..." She trailed off "Weren't they."
You could only nod. Not trusting your voice as your hands started to shake even more.
"Does that mean Joel's gonna die?" She asked and you broke down at that. Unable to keep the tears at bay as you shook your head.
"I don't know Ellie." You answered honestly "But without that medicine..."
You paused, Breathing through the tears as you tried to pull yourself together just so you could speak the truth to the girl who had come to look at Joal as a father.
"His chances are shit."
Next
Fic updates: @albertasunrise-ficsblog
Tags: @hayley-the-comet @ajeff855 @mavericksicybabe @supernaturalgirl20 @dihra-vesa @nicolethered @practicalghost @theanothersherlockian @gallowsjoker @little-mrs-morales @sunnshineeexoxo @aliwritesfic @maryfanson @sherala007 @ayrusss @greeneyedblondie44 @elegantduckturtle @jediknight122 @goodgriefitsawildworld @voteforpedro09 @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @mishasminion360 @giggly-otter @athalien @mssbridgerton @huitzilinthebudgie3 @samanthacookieone @salome-c @radcollectivesoul @pedrohoe04 @paintlavillered @ktmadden86 @hotchlover @kirsteng42 @djjarins @balekanemohafe @misscampacyn
#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller the last of us#last of us#the last of us#joel miller gif#pedro pascal character fanfiction#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal#pedro pascal gif#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#the last of us fanfiction#last of us fanfiction
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The Crawl (Complete)
Part 5 of 5 (Final)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 AO3
WC: 4152
-Eddie-
It did keep happening.
By the time Eddie was released from the hospital, about a week later and with loads of antibiotics, pain meds, and a packet inches thick of instructions on how to care for his still healing wounds, they knew for sure that they were right.
Anytime he closed his eyes, even for a brief cat-nap, Eddie would get another flash from the alternate week from hell, or so he called it. Although, occasionally he’d get a glimpse of something more mundane but still decidedly different from the months leading up to it.
As far as he could tell, his other timeline split off on the night Steve first tried to get his attention after Hellfire.
It was funny to think about how unwilling he was to accept that a well-known, if supposedly reformed, asshole like Steve Harrington would want anything to do with Hellfire, or him, regardless of the kids he seemed to love so much.
It was strange too– to look back now, through the lens of everything he had come to know, on the months that had followed. How he and Steve had gone from relative strangers, to acquaintances, to friends, and now so much more.
It wasn’t lost on Eddie that without all the bad shit and the extreme circumstances of his other self dying and being resurrected, only to change everything by sheer chance and a well placed time disturbance, he and Steve might never have gotten to where they were now.
He didn’t want to say he was grateful for it… they would all undoubtedly be better off if the Upside Down had just never existed at all, but if there was a silver lining to be found in all of this, that would be it for him.
In the alternate version of things, the other Eddie’s memories– though, now that they belonged to him he should probably stop thinking of it that way, the first time he’d seen Steve since graduating had been the moment he threatened him with a broken beer bottle to his neck.
They recovered from that dramatic re-introduction rather quickly, and went on to share more than a few intriguing little moments between that day and the day that Eddie died. He could see a hint of it there, the potential, in curious glances and countless casual touches made without thought. If only they’d had more time.
He tried not to dwell on that part though.
However it had happened, they were here now– was the point. Alive, together, and with a future in front of them full of possibilities and hopefully free of monsters and trauma.
Eddie had been wondering all week what would happen once he was released.
Their old trailer was still a no-go. The gate inside of it was closed for good, the world it led to gone, as far as they knew, but there was still a sizable crack in the ceiling. Not to mention the fact that the entire park was now off-limits, cordoned off by temporary fencing– closed to the public by whatever shadowy sector of the government had finally decided to step in to help clean up the mess made by Brenner and his lab.
Steve said he would have offered his place but his parents had made a surprise return to town in the middle of all the chaos and he wasn’t sure how long they would be staying this time.
Eddie knew Wayne had been living in a nearby motel and just sort of assumed that would be home for now. He was more than a little surprised to find out, as they waited for his discharge to be finalized, that Hopper had offered them his cabin to stay in for as long as they needed. The chief was living with the Byers full time anyway so he hadn’t hesitated to make the offer when he realized they were stuck.
He asked Steve to come with them, would have begged outright if he wasn’t already afraid he was being too clingy, but Steve said he couldn’t. Though, he didn’t look any happier about the idea of being separated than Eddie was.
It was tough to think about being apart for any amount of time after they’d been sleeping in his hospital bed together for almost the entirety of his stay, with Steve only ever leaving his side to go home for a shower in the mornings or to pick up food, but Steve seemed to think he would be imposing.
A ridiculous idea.
Eddie tried to convince him otherwise, but Steve was sure that Wayne would mind, and didn’t want to make a bad first impression on his new boyfriend’s only family by being a nuisance so soon. He felt the need to point out that Steve had been hanging around their house for months. He and Wayne saw each other literally all the time– meaning they were well past first impressions at this point, but he insisted it was different now that they were a couple.
A couple.
Boyfriends.
The idea itself, let alone hearing Steve say the actual words, was enough to keep Eddie warm for at least one night, so he let it go.
They parted reluctantly in the hospital parking lot, after everyone else who’d come to see Eddie off had left, with Steve promising to come up and visit the next day.
Maybe then, after they sat Wayne down and told him about their relationship, as if he hadn’t figured it out already, maybe then he could talk Steve into it. It was probably too soon to discuss actual living together, considering they’d only been together for a week, but maybe he could just stay with them temporarily, at least until it was all a little less raw.
Eddie was exhausted from the day. He hadn’t actually done much, the kids had all helped Wayne move what few belongings of theirs had been salvageable into the cabin while he was languishing away in the hospital, but it was still the most he’d been up and moving around since the final battle.
Regardless of how tired he was, he tossed and turned for hours, unable to ignore the way his skin itched where it was healing, or find a comfortable position to rest in alone, having grown so used to having another body pressed closely to his.
And he couldn’t stop thinking about Steve.
Wondering if he was alright, wishing he was there, and… okay, maybe he was also possibly avoiding sleep on purpose so he wouldn’t have to see anything, since he wouldn't have cuddles from Steve to wake up to and make him feel better.
Pathetic? Maybe, but it was the truth.
Which was why he was still awake at 3am when a series of hesitant knocks sounded on the front door of the cabin.
It had to be someone in the party, no one else knew they were there. Eddie’s name had been cleared officially, sure, but it would take time for the news to spread and be accepted by a town full of people who had hunted one boy down like an animal based only on circumstantial evidence and the word of another boy who was blind with grief and his own prejudices.
Wayne got to the door first, of course. Eddie was doing better by the day, but his injuries still had him moving painfully slow. When he did finally make it out of his room, what he saw made his heart drop through the floor. Wayne was grasping on tightly to a weeping Steve, holding him up as the boy fell apart in his arms.
Eddie shuffled closer as fast as he could, finally catching their attention.
“There, see? Look at him, son.” Wayne said gently, coaxing Steve into lifting his head. “Eddie’s just fine– he’s right there.”
His eyes were so red and swollen that Eddie wasn’t sure Steve could see him, but he nodded anyway, sniffling as Wayne released him, transferring him over into Eddie’s arms instead.
Eddie braced himself, worried that he didn't have the strength to support them both, but Wayne was right there with a hand on his back for support, just in case.
Steve buried his face in Eddie’s neck as they embraced, babbling, “I'm s-s- so sorry. I woke up and you weren’t there. I forgot, I forgot I was alone and… I- I knew we made it out, that you were okay but I needed to see. I just needed to see you.”
Eddie ran his hands in soothing circles along Steve’s back, shushing him, and telling him it was okay.
“Come on,” he said, when Steve had calmed some. “Let’s go lay down on my bed so I can hold you properly.”
Steve pulled back, biting his lip and cutting a sharp nervous glance at Wayne
Eddie huffed a gentle laugh, taking Steve’s hand and squeezing it. “Baby, we were sharing my hospital bed, I think he knows.”
“You don't need to worry about me, Steve. I’m just glad the two of you finally figured yourselves out. It was getting painful to watch, frankly.” Wayne said, letting out his own small amused chuckle. He gave Steve one last little pat on the shoulder and finally retired back to his own room.
They laid quietly on the bed facing each other, arms and legs entwined as much as they could manage without putting pressure on Eddie’s bites. Steve refused to take his eyes off of him for even a second while wearing the most tortured expression.
He didn’t seem to want to talk about what happened, but that was okay. Eddie knew Steve was still struggling with the loss of the other Eddie, and having to leave him behind to fade with the Upside Down. Though, with Eddie gaining the other’s memories he had to wonder if that still meant he was lost.
“Feeling any better?” Eddie asked after a while.
Steve nodded, running his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Always better when you’re with me.” He said sleepily.
Eddie gave a soft, breathy laugh. “What a line.” He whispered, leaning in to capture Steve's lips with his own.
It was meant to be a chaste kiss, a sweet moment before they both inevitably passed out from exhaustion, but it quickly turned heated.
It was nearly sunrise before they finally fell asleep.
After all, they had been apart for over 12 hours, surely that kind of reunion was worthy of an hours-long make out session, right?
They slept all day until Wayne knocked on the door to make them come eat something.
They sat as close together as the kitchen chairs would allow, their thighs pressed together under the table, compelled to have some form of physical contact no matter what, even while they were eating.
Dinner was quiet, unusually so. Eddie would normally have been talking away, filling the silence with whatever popped into his head, but he was tired. He also knew his uncle must be wondering what had happened the night before, but he wasn’t really sure what to do about that.
Wayne kept giving them sideways glances, clearly trying to ignore the silence, pretending like it wasn’t completely abnormal for Eddie who typically never shut up. But eventually, having apparently had enough, he gently set his fork down on the table and looked squarely at the two of them.
“Now, look boys, I know I ain’t supposed to ask any questions about what happened to you two, and honestly-” he paused, blowing out a long breath. “I'm not sure I want to know. But if you want to talk, if you think it’ll help, I’m here for you. Both of you– for whatever you need, and nothing you’d say to me would ever leave the three of us.”
It was actually something they’d discussed however briefly before falling asleep. It didn’t seem fair to leave Wayne in the dark when he’d been nothing but supportive so far, even after Steve showed up at his doorstep in the middle of the night crying that he needed to make sure Eddie wasn't dead again.
“I’m not sure you’d believe us if we told you.”
“I’ve seen some shit, Steve. You’d be surprised what I'm willing to believe.”
Wayne took it well enough.
Not a single look of doubt crossed his face as he listened to the whole saga of Hawkins lab and the Upside Down. Worry? Certainly, but never once did he question if what he was being told was the truth. Not even when they told him about the other Eddie, though he did look a little haunted by the thought of it.
Steve took the lead for the most part, since he’d been there for so much more of things, and at several points in the storytelling Wayne did ask him to stop, to give him a moment to process things and also to ask, where were his parents? Why didn’t they ever seem to show up when he needed them? How could their son have been dealing with all this shit, for all this time, and they still have no idea it was going on?
Eddie was glad for it. He’d had some of the same questions on his mind since he learned the full truth of things, but they’d been dealing with so much. He knew Steve’s parents weren’t around a lot but it always felt like there was more to it, he just hadn’t really known how to ask.
Steve tried to brush it off, but as patient as Wayne was, he was also persistent, and eventually Steve had to admit that his parents were hardly ever home. When they were, it seemed all they would do was judge him for not doing better in school, or in sports, or in life in general. Far from being concerned when the mall mysteriously caught fire, they had called to say how disappointed they were that he hadn’t gone out and gotten another job already. Never once asking if he had been there that day, if he was okay.
When it was all over, and Wayne finally knew everything they had to tell, all he did was nod and start clearing the table.
“You know, Steve, we got plenty of room here if you’d like to come stay with us.” He said casually, as he put all their dishes in the sink.
Eddie grinned.
“Oh.” Steve said, blinking in surprise. He looked from Eddie’s smiling face to Wayne’s back, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.
“Um, thank you. I… do you– do you mean just for now, or…” Steve trailed off.
Wayne turned, drying his hands on a kitchen towel and shrugged. “For now, or for good. It’s up to you and Ed really. I’m happy to have you, son, and I'd sleep better at night if I knew you were right here– safe under my borrowed roof.”
Steve bit his lip, still looking at them both hesitantly like was truly unsure of his welcome.
Wayne sighed, plopping back down in his chair.
Eddie was familiar with this particular expression, having been the receiving end of it more than a few before. Wayne was uncomfortable about whatever it was he was about to say, but damned it he wasn’t going to say it anyway.
“I know you two probably feel like it’s too soon for all this, and ignore an old man if you like because God knows I only know what i’m talking about roughly half the time, but–”
A lie, Wayne was always right, but Eddie decided it wasn’t the time to argue.
“Your relationship might be new, but the way you feel about each other ain’t. You’ve been through Hell together, in this life and another, it seems. That kinda thing either brings people together or breaks them apart, and from where I'm sittin’ it looks like it’s only made you closer, stronger.”
Eddie took Steve’s hand that was resting on the table and laced their fingers together.
Wayne tilted his head. “Maybe a little codependent but it’s not the worst thing in the world.” He murmured.
“Move in, Stevie?” Eddie asked, looking Steve firmly in the eye. “Please, I want you to stay for good. And it’s not just about me wanting you here after my nightmare memories, or wanting to get you away from your shitty parents. Wayne’s right, and who cares if it’s too soon. We both know better than most how short life can be.”
“My parents kicked me out.” Steve blurted out suddenly. “There was a message on the machine from Keith, saying I was fired for too many no call no shows. They heard it and flipped out on me when I came home yesterday. I have till the end of the week to get out.”
“Baby, why didn’t you say something sooner?”
Steve shrugged, “I didn’t want you to feel obligated or–.”
“What were you gonna do, sleep in your car?”
“If I had to.” Steve admitted. “Or sneak into Robin’s house.”
“Well, that settles it then.” Wayne said with finality. “When do you wanna go get your stuff? I can go with you if you want.”
Steve looked down, cheeks going a little pink. “It’s all in my car already. The stuff I wanted to keep anyway. I packed it up before I went to bed last night.”
3 Months later
Steve held up another god-awful polo shirt and waved it in his direction. “You sure you don’t want to borrow something of mine? Look, it's even black!”
Eddie was tearing through their small closet, no closer to finding what he was looking for than he had been ten minutes ago.
“No way, Harrington. That look is all you. Besides–” He grunted as he finally pulled the plain black dress shirt from between a sea of red, black, and gray flannels, holding it up triumphantly. “I have this, and a brand new pair of non-ripped jeans that I was saving just for the occasion.”
It was graduation day and they were getting ready to go and cheer on Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan as they walked across the stage to get their diplomas.
Eddie wouldn’t be joining them.
He’d been given a choice when the doctor’s cleared him to return to school. He could go back, knowing he was likely to fail, all the while being subjected to hate and vitriol from the rest of the student body, or, if he agreed to never set foot on school property again, they would pass him, and send his diploma in the mail.
It was an easy decision. He took the diploma. It was no skin off his back. The only thing he missed about that place was Hellfire, and it was simple enough to move their weekly game to the cabin, and a hell of a lot more pleasant than the old musty drama room provided by the school.
Technically he’d be breaking his word today by showing up to the ceremony, since it was being held in the school’s auditorium, but he figured, fuck Higgins. Eddie already had the diploma. What were they gonna do, make him give it back? Nothing was going to stop him from showing up for three of the people who’d had his back before they ever really knew each other.
“Boys! I hope you’re getting dressed in there, we gotta leave in fifteen minutes!” Wayne shouted from the other room.
Eddie grinned, buttoning his shirt up as he caught Steve’s eye through the mirror, while the other boy fixed his hair.
They giggled in unison, both of them knowing full well that they should have been dressed a while ago, but that was the thing sometimes about sharing a room with your significant other, someone starts to get undressed and suddenly it becomes really easy to get distracted.
Things had been going great for a while now. Steve eventually stopped looking at him like he was going to disappear, and Eddie’s dreams had slowed to a crawl before finally stopping altogether, leaving him with a full set of alternate memories. He didn’t think about it all that much anymore. As quickly as they had come, the memories started to fade into the background. There, if he wanted to poke at them, but easy enough to leave in the past if he so chose, which he did most of the time.
Still, as good as things were, as happy as they were, Eddie was nervous. He had a big question to ask Steve and he wasn’t sure how the other boy was going to take it.
Eddie cleared his throat and walked over to where Steve stood, wrapping his arms around him from behind.
“Hey, Stevie, what would you think about getting out of here?”
“Like, the cabin?”
“I was thinking more like… Hawkins.”
Steve stilled, hesitating before he responded. “And go where?”
Eddie took a deep breath, letting it all out in a rush. “What if we got a place in New York with a certain friend of ours who’ll be going to school there in the fall?”
At first Steve broke out into the widest smile imaginable, his eyes sparkling with it and Eddie thought maybe this wouldn't be such a hard sell, but a split second later Steve’s face fell.
“What about the kids, we can't just leave them here on their own.”
Eddie rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder, still watching him carefully through the mirror as he swayed them back and forth, subtly trying to soothe the other boy’s nerves.
“They won’t be on their own, baby, they have parents, families, each other. And it’s not like we wouldn’t come visit. It’s a 10 hour drive– hour and a half by plane if we’re in a hurry.”
“You’ve really put some thought into this, haven't you?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Since Robin got her letter.”
Steve chewed on his bottom lip, turning in Eddie’s arms to face him.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t be stupid, of course you should go.” Dustin said, suddenly appearing in the doorway.
They both jumped, completely forgetting that the kid was getting dropped off here to ride to the ceremony with them since his mom had to work.
“Jesus Christ, kid, put a fucking bell on or something.” Eddie said.
“Dustin, what? You want me to leave?” Steve asked, leaving the circle of Eddie’s arms to take a step towards the kid.
“It’s over. For real this time, Steve. I know you think you need to stay here to protect us, but you deserve to get out of here– start your life. We’ll be fine, I promise. You’ll call and you’ll visit, and you better get a comfortable couch for me to sleep on when I come to stay with you.”
Forget the bell, if it made him happy this kid could sneak up on Eddie all he wanted, because he’d just said the one thing that might convince Steve to finally leave this place and it’s awful history behind.
“Are you sure?” Steve asked.
Dustin nodded emphatically. “Robin needs you, and it’ll be… easier for the two of you in the city, won’t it?”
Their relationship was no secret to the party, least of all Dustin since he and Will had witnessed their coming together in the Upside Down. They’d told everyone else not long after Steve had officially moved into the cabin.
Eddie took Steve’s hand and squeezed. Steve squeezed back.
It would be easier. There would be places– shops, gay bars, whole neighborhoods where they could walk down the street hand-in-hand, in relative safety compared to their small Indiana town.
“And you’ll come visit? The others too?”
Dustin grinned, making a waffling motion with his hand. “Might take some convincing to get Mike to come along, but yeah. For Eddie, he’ll do it.”
Steve laughed, shaking his head. “He’s never gonna forgive me for dating his sister is he?”
“Nope,” Dustin said, chuckling as well.
“So, what d’ya say, sunshine?” Eddie asked.
Infuriatingly, Steve still hesitated. “And Wayne, he’s okay with this?”
As if summoned, although more likely he was just getting tired of waiting around for them all, Wayne popped his head around the corner with perfect comedic timing. “Stop worrying about what other people want, boy, what do you want?”
Steve sighed, smiling sheepishly.
“Can I be the one to tell Robin? It’ll be a much better graduation gift than the watch I planned on giving her.”
“Of course, baby.” Eddie quickly agreed.
“Okay, then.”
“Is that a yes? Are we really doing this? Are we moving to New York?!”
Steve nodded and leaned over, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s cheek.
“It’s a yes.”
Thanks forever to @penny00dreadful for being the best friend, cheerleader, and beta in the whole fucking world 💜 truly could not do it without you. Also special thanks to @hitlikehammers for all the discussion and encouragement on this!
@hissunflowers @sadisticaltarts @gutterflower77 @epiclazershark @yeahhhh-suga @soapyscoobert @thetrueghostqueen @guppynuggets @reh-hateshumans @katdeerly @kolorzapster @useless-nb-bisexual @sammyammi @ellietheasexylibrarian @thesecondfate @eleganttidalwavecloud @localcrustrat @letsmo6 @justaquietnerd @marvelobessed @femmeratale @carriethesaint @novelnovella
#steddie fanfic#time fuckery#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington/eddie munson#steddie fic#the crawl#ao3 link
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my friend convinced me that I should go tomorrow instead, so I'm doing that (I don't wanna 😭 but I will)
also my ear(drum) is still fucked up and actually it's worse than yesterday. so that's also just so awesome
#I do want the pain to stop 😬#so hopefully if I get antibiotics that'll help.#I've only taken antibiotics once and that was not a fun experience so.... ugh. but it's okay.#just want my ear to stop hurting#and to be able to hear again lol#personal
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Amaryllis opinions on the Warlords + Mai + her siblings
I wrote this to just give insight on what she thinks about others. (Sorry for the pings)
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Oda Forces
Nobunaga
“He is pretty intimidating at first, but over time when I started working as a ninja for the Oda my perspective of him changed. He is a great person who unfortunately has to make difficult choices. And him not having the best choice of words at time.”
The rest of the warlords + Mai + her siblings are underneath
Hideyoshi
“Hideyoshi is my adoptive father who, well gave me a second chance on live despite the fact I- stained my hand with blood to protect those I cared about in that village I resided in before I left with Hideyoshi. Either way, I work under him like Mitsunari. I do play pranks on him occasionally.”
Mitsuhide
“Him? He is truly a kitsune. But he cares a lot about everyone and willing to risk everything to have his goal of his. He is also the one who taught me how to wield a blade and told me to be a kunoichi, a female ninja. It did took awhile to prove my worth to the Oda but I did it. Even some people say I’m almost like him since they don’t know what we are thinking but way more expressive.”
Mitsunari
“He is more over an older brother to me and my adopted siblings. We do love to make upcoming battle plans with the information I get but most of the time we just read books. We work under Hideyoshi and some of my siblings do so, we just have a sibling gathering moment.”
Masamune
“That eyepatch guy? Well we haven’t interacted much but his cooking is always the best! I give him some recipes I happen to come across for him to try out. Before you ask, yes he did flirt with me. But I quickly ended that with a slap to his face, which those who witnessed it was left stunned. And I think I saw some coins being passed around, I guess a bet was going on at that time.”
Ieyasu
“The spicy lover guy… let’s say that things between us is weird. We may specialize in medicine but for him, it’s more over like something he needed to learn to help himself. Despite that weird sense, we do work well together but, he should be more straight over with this words as first time people may think he is serious.”
Keiji
“He was gone for a while till he came back to warn about Kicho plan, which unfortunately succeeded. But he is a fun guy to be around, although there was some times I saw right through him with that false persona of his. He did confronted me about it but I promised I won’t say a word about it to the others.”
Ranmaru
“When I first saw him, he almost reminded me of someone who I had met before. Soon after he became one of Nobunaga’s pages, he came to me to talk about how things go on in the Oda as I am a source for many. It still doesn’t make it better when I feel like something is off about him when I tell him what goes on in the Oda.”
Useugi & Takeda Forces
Kenshin
“That crazy war manic is different than the Oda Warlords in so many ways. From what I heard from Sasuke, he would chase after people to have them spar with him in which they loose. He is truly deserving of The Dragon of Echigo. But, I would avoid coming across him as I like to live at the moment.”
Shingen
“That man has been flirting so much that I understand Yuki’s pain. I did had a one on one conversation with him before. He’s not a bad person but someone who just wants to regain Kai back in any means. He really needs to take care of his health. As some pneumonia can be cured with antibiotics but we don’t have that in the Sengoku period. I did gave him some medicine out of charge to help him slow his illness. Hopefully…”
Yukimura
“I know he is a warlord the moment I saw him in Echigo with Sasuke and Morgan. But I kept it a secret as there was probably no need to share it. Despite him saying things he didn’t mean to, he’s a good guy. But I would rather not come across him on the battlefield. I don’t think I would kill him if I did…”
Kanetsugu
“The main strategist for Kenshin Useugi. He is one to not be underestimated by any means. I would like to test my theory about him, but after I found out the debt he owes to Kenshin. I dropped that test quickly as he already went through enough. He may consider himself as a monster due to him killing that noble in self defense but of course, in this time period; kill a noble, you are convicted automatically. But I do hope someday he will understand that he isn’t one when he comes across that important person.”
Sasuke
“Ninja buddies 4 life. I may had been transported here years before him and Morgan. But I’m glad he adjusted to the circumstances here since war is common here. I did ran across him when he spied on the Oda for the first time, but I let him be since he pose no threat to anyone at the time. We did ran across each other again in Echigo with Yuki and Morgan, I will never forget those times. Just being friends and confusing Yuki with our modern language. Thinking about it makes me remember how much fun we had casting aside our circumstances to just enjoy life.”
Yoshimoto
“That guy… he became nothing more than a husk of himself after that battle. I saw his battles before, but it’s like deep down he didn’t want to fight but had no choice to keep fighting. I also overheard that he think he is just a puppet… why can’t he realize that he has been in control all this time, but never exerted his authority to show he is capable of leading to his vassal…”
Lone Forces
Kennyo
“That monk, he may had been someone that many of the people of that village of mine that I reside look up to. Only to be defeated. He may be an enemy of mine, but does he think that being a demon better for everyone? Still, I can’t forgive him going on this self-destructive path and making the peasant class fight with him. Which is why I haven’t forgiven him nor forgotten him yet.”
Motonari
“That pirate guy is one that I like to watch from a far. I did wreck those cannons when I was in my fox form, it seems like he didn’t expect that to happen. But he is unpredictable in many ways, and he is able to deceive others to help him. He is deserving to be called the God of Deceit.”
Kicho
“I met Kicho before, it was before he betrayed the Oda. I felt off when he disappeared out of nowhere, only to find out that he went to the future. Nobody but me and siblings knows about it. We did plan to tell Sasuke and Mai, but we held back as I know Kicho can find out about us not being in this period. Let alone I don’t want to risk my true identity to be exposed by him.”
Other Characters
Mai
“I felt bad for her when she came across Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, and Mitsuhide. I did came to her defense with reasons that she had many chances to leave Nobunaga in that moment but she didn’t. But I was shocked when she dashed off into the forest. Only to see her in the castle, if I have to guess, she is a strange person but welcoming nonetheless. I do ask her to make kimonos for me time to time.”
Morgan ( @morgan-squad )
“Morgan and I came across each other when they were still residing in Echigo under the protection of Kenshin. Their reaction finding out about me being part of the Oda was funny to watch. I did had a long talk with them about my duties and position in the Oda Forces. But finding out a group of ronins attacked them… let’s just say, I made sure those ronins didn’t forget the consequences of hurting someone I cared about. :)”
Rubia ( @rubia8 )
“She came to the Castle out of nowhere, but I welcome her to the family. I do sometimes drag her in my pranks but we do get some good laughs out of it. She may act all gentle but she is more capable to put up a fight. All three of us were trained by Mitsuhide, and man it wasn’t easy. Rubia ask Mitsuhide because she didn’t want to be the only to not know how to wield a sword.”
J ( @colourless-hydrangeas ) not sure yet might change later on
“J is one that is nice. She was in a middle of a custody dispute between Shingen and Hideyoshi. But she was able to solve it by allowing both of them be her legal guardians or parents I should say. Hydrangeas played an important role in having this conflict between the Oda and Takeda in private matters. I have respect for her not only because she made the conflict to be private but, also because she showed that she is a capable leader; one who has the power to negotiate and achieve results that doesn’t require bloodshed.”
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Bonjour its the maybe French Anon again!
I saw that you write for Hannibal....Kinda new to requesting stufd but...
May I request a scenario/headcanons for Hannibal and Will where they react to their gn s/o being reckless? Like they trip easily, do random dangerous things, they worry the living devil out of Will and Hannibal and overal live life on the edge.
Seperate or poly is up to you!
Thank you for your time in advance regardless if you are gonna do this request or not.
Happy Pride btw! 🏳️🌈
- the maybe "french" Anon
hello maybe french anon, sorry for taking so long but you know how writing can be LMAO
i’d like to apologise for my absence, these past couple of weeks it’s like i’ve been just breathing, everything else is too taxing. but i wanted to put out some writing, im always seeing my messages and my inbox, so know that i do see you and hopefully i’ll get to you one of these days <3 much love
Hannibal
i’m thinking that they don’t mean to be reckless, they’re just simply not as aware when walking through door frames or up steps, way too focused on every other little detail apart from how they move. their legs are clunky and balance is always off at the most inconvenient of times.
while most of their injuries had not been severe, there were instances where serious medical was needed just for being reckless and not paying attention.
let’s imagine hannibal is in a therapy session, advising a patient when his phone buzzes. He only has bypassed notifications for his significant other, so instantly his hands itch to check the message. He knows you well enough you wouldn’t alert him to anything if it wasn’t serious. Begrudgingly he continues the session, hoping the text was an accident on your part. except when he checks it, he realises it was far from it.
“won’t be home tonight. i fell down the stairs, in hospital but i’m okay!!”
he tenses up immediately, not appreciating your little text of “i’m okay!!” since you were in literal hospice care. He gets to the hospital and arrives at your room, an emotion similar to horror once he sees the bandages around your head, arms and hands.
Now because this man practiced medicine, he’s fussing over you immediately, checking if the bandages are tight enough, examining your fingers that are fractured and/or broken. he can’t help the tuts that fall from his mouth as he moves to gently cradle the back of your head while pressing his lips softly to the bridge of your nose. “reckless my love, so reckless.” he sighs and places his other hand on your jaw endearingly, caressing his thumb over your bruised flesh. “what am i to do with you?”
after making sure to disinfect the seat next to your bed (yes he brought his own disinfectant), he stays the night, uncomfortably curled into a hospital chair. He falls asleep imagining the beat of your heart against his ear.
when you’re back home and on the journey to healing, Hannibal takes the time to start making his home more safe, for someone who is so reckless. he adds railing to hold onto by the stairs, he makes sure to put down a rug at the bottom of the stairs in case you fall again. He rounds the edges of tables and countertops, he gets you more durable clothes so that they take the impact more if you hurt yourself.
he makes you meals and makes you take antibiotics at the same exact times every day. He declines any patients while you are still vulnerable, you are his exception. He couldn’t care less for many people, but for you, his heart seized every time you even coughed or cried or moaned in pain. He was a sinner and you were his temple of forgiveness, he polished and worshipped you, loving every chip and dent you adorned.
he did although hope one day you would be a little less reckless.
Will Graham
this man is incredibly observant so you being reckless from clumsiness or lack of balance wouldn’t be as common. what i can see happening is that maybe you, will’s significant other is an adrenaline junkie.
for whatever reason, possibly varying from how dangerous Will’s job is or you’re a humble person and never got the chance to do stupid reckless things. it’s almost like your addicted to it, you can see why your partner began to like solving murders and piecing together crimes. It was exciting, being in possible danger yet smart enough to jump out of the water before you got bit.
i can imagine them believing Will when it came to accusing hannibal. So when their significant other ends up in a mental ward, soon to be sentenced to death, they do what they can to prove his innocence.
warnings for graphic description of injury here, i hope you’re not too surprised, it is hannibal after all. You sneaking into hannibal’s home, entirely replacing beverly in this situation, by some insane strokes of luck, you manage to find evidence. He has a secret basement, a strange fridge in the corner piled with cooled meat, your stomach sinks when you realise the amount of people he must have eaten. With a frantic heart and a mind yelling at you that this was for your partner, you trudged forward, finding something that was never meant to be found. Abigail.
now for the sake of the prompt. you don’t end up dead. Hannibal does find and catch you in the basement, his hands wrap around your throat and your vision becomes scarce until you have none at all. By the morning, the damage had been done, you are in a strange bed and Hannibal is peering at you through the doorway. You go to speak but nothing comes out, nothing apart from an airy wheeze.
“i have permanently damaged your voice box.” his voice is cool, his steely eyes bore into tears with a lack of any feeling. “if you try to communicate in any way about what you saw.” he blinked, stepping forward, “i will let Will Graham get sentenced to death, and you’ll follow along with him shortly.”
tears ran down your face freely, a never ending pour, this wasn’t what was meant to happen. not now. not ever. a lost voice and soon to be a lost husband too.
“i will save him.” His words cut through the air sharply. “And you will never tell him.”
for him. your mind yelled a dying symphony, deafening noise diminished to a whisper. you had come all this way for him. you couldn’t fail him now. you wouldn’t.
so we come to the scenario where Will gets out, he fails to hide his grief. Realising he may never hear you speak, or that it may be years until the damage could repair, it had his heart clenching. He knows, he knows without you even saying anything that it is hannibal who has done this to you. his waterline fills with tears as his calloused fingers cup your face ever so delicately, he does not even attempt to turn hannibal in, he simply coddles you, hoping for the day he can hear your voice again. And dealing with the guilt that gnaws at him, pulling him apart until he is bare.
#imagines#x reader#fluff#hannibal#lgbtq#hannibal lector#will graham#alana bloom#anons are open#anons open#hannibal nbc#fanfiction#angst#margot verger
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One step closer (Towards you)
ft. K.B x S.T x I.M x fem! reader
Synopsis: After a deadly virus leaks all over the world, every country is forced to close down it's borders and airports to prevent anyone from coming in and out. Though, it's to late for some people. The dead has rose and is looking for revenge. Cw: gore, quirkless! au, apocalypse! au, zombie! au, weapons, death, angst, lots and lots of blood, cannibalism, suicidal thoughts, slow burn
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She had flipped a basket over to hold the gate open. While she filled her basket with whatever medicine seemed decent, so did Izuku as he also read the information on the bottle. He wasn’t really sure what it meant or how it was meant to be used, so hopefully Sorston had a doctor, “Do you know which antibiotics are used for pain, cuts, or health?”
"No clue." She said as she placed liquid medicine and injections in hers, "I haven't gone to that part, yet. I actually struggle with learning about pills. I know the basics like painkillers and cough syrup, but that's about it."
"Huh, I guess even the strongest people have weaknesses." Izuku muttered as he placed the bottle in his basket and proceeded to place more.
She had heard and shrugged, agreeing with him. Her dad also struggled with defining antibiotics and since it was her mom who was a doctor she’d sometimes teach her, but she could never really focus. It didn’t help that her father never gave her the full amount to be around her mother as he felt it wasn’t as helpful as what he taught her. Though she did often feel ashamed to not put up a fight as she didn't really have a lot of memories with her mother. She only remembered her sister being around her mother a lot.
But, to be fair, her mother was also gone for most of the days as she was always on call. A part of her disliked her father for keeping her away from the woman who gave her life. She tried to understand him, but understanding him was like a never ending maze. You think you figured out the way, only for the exit to expand as you get closer. She's even come to realize that if her father was still around, she would've turned out just like him. The question of why her mother, who is sweet and kind, would still put up with father was always a mystery. Even after the amount of time he’s emotionally abused her.
"Fourth one is full." Izuku placed the heavy basket on the counter. He then looked at F/n as she stared at a bottle of pills, "What is it?"
"Oxy." She placed it in her blue basket, "Really good with pain."
He leaned on the counter, "We should've grabbed a cart and filled that instead, right? Maybe Shoto or Denki will bring one."
"Nah, I don't think so." Placing an inhaler in her basket before moving towards Izuku where she placed the grocery basket next to his, "We still have to fit the other stuff inside. I would have suggested looking for another car, but that'd be a struggle."
"True." He said as he turned to open the gate and jumped over, helping F/n in the process, "I feel like we have enough. We can always come back and grab whatever is left."
"That is if there's even anything left." Katsuki said as he pushed a shopping cart with an annoyed look, "Dunce face and Half-and-half told me you'd be here. Hurry it up, we want to hit the road before the sun goes down."
"Ah, right." Izuku began to place the filled up baskets in the shopping cart.
Katsuki eyed the half smashed broken padlock. He ignored it as he helped, well yanking the basket out of her hand, "Taking too damn long."
She put her hands up, "Sorry."
All the while Izuku let out a chuckle. They soon began to head to the others, the pills rattling against the bottle. While Izuku rubbed his eyes, the lack of sleep catching up to him and F/n looking around, her light following, Katsuki pushed the cart, his mind thinking back to what Eijiro had said. He would have eyed the girl but he didn't want to get caught and not only that, but he didn't want to believe what his mind was telling him. What's the whole point of pursuing his heart if he didn't know what he felt for the girl? It was blurry and confusing and it’d probably be painful.
He might have had some admiration—though that was far stretched—or simply had her respect for helping him through a lot. It was then that he realized he'd forgotten to thank her for saving him that day.
"That is a lot of water." Izuku said as he saw the platform cart. He was shocked at how just many there were, heck, how many supplies had been left abandoned.
"Shoto and Denki went to grab the other carts." Eijiro said, "In the meantime, we should start heading out and get the cars. We'll back them up so we can load."
Katsuki looked at the size of the entrance gate. He wanted to make sure that the cars could fit inside the warehouse so that they didn't need to be aware if any rotters were on sight. The RV wouldn't fit, the truck's trunk would fit as well as the red wagon car. All he wanted to do was leave, "Shitty hair and Deku with me. Your back up, give her your gun, Shitty hair."
She wanted to protest. She wanted to go out and slash those damn ugly things, not be back up. She's never back up. She's always the one with a weapon in hand, it's her life purpose. "Fine, take my keys."
While the blonde grabbed her keys, the red head began to lift the gate. It made a loud squeaky sound the higher it got, the chains rattling in his hand. When the gate was finally up, the fog was still there.
"Go." The three males then went off while F/n aimed her friend's gun, peeking through the scope and watching their backs in case a dead neared. She had to admit, with her not around them, she kind of thought the worse. She felt like the only reason why Katsuki and Izuku were alive was because of her. Izuku, Katsuki, and Shoto might have saved her from herself, but she was the only one pulling weight around here. Call it bad mannered, but it was true.
She sniped a rotter as it neared her car. She saw the blonde look at her before entering her car. When he was there, she moved to Izuku where he had his head resting on the steering wheel. Then there was Eijiro, who she could slightly see moving in the RV. She didn't have a clear view of him which worried her, but when he opened the side door and waved at her, she lowered her weapon. A low sigh came from her. Just then, Denki and Shoto arrived. They stood next to her, eyeing their surroundings.
From the corner of her eyes, she noticed that they both had different clothes, "You guys changed? Again?”
"Yeah, I couldn't stand the dried blood and dirt on me." Denki said, feeling gross, "I need a long shower."
Shoto nodded with him. He then looked at her, "There's a lot of clothing left. You should probably change to."
"You saying I look dirty?" She questioned to which he shook his head, his eyes widening as he hadn't meant to feel like she had been insulted, "No, I didn't mean that!"
Denki had to hold back his laugh as he watched Izuku back the truck.
"I was joking." She shoved the gun to his hands and began to walk off, "I'll be back."
She turned her headlamp on as the natural light faded behind her. Even with all the supplies they had gathered, the store was still stocked. She wondered if she should grab a few clothes for herself. She had grabbed an empty duffel bag earlier and it held nothing besides snacks, the hammers, and a water bottle.
She then decided to pack some clothes after she changed to new ones. Her shoes were still good but she packed an extra pair, just in case. After putting on a thick winter sweater, she headed to where they slept and grabbed the other bags that held batteries, flashlights, pencil, markers, and other stuff.
She threw the bag down when she stood by her friends, "You sure we won't run out of gas?"
"I don't think so. The tanks are almost full." Eijiro said as he grabbed her bags, "But if it does we'll stop and look for another one. It'll be annoying, but we need the supplies."
Denki grunted as he pulled the waters, neatly placing them on the trunk so that all the other drinks could fit, "Hopefully all this stuff is still here when we come back."
"Doubt it." Shoto gave Denki a soda pack, bending down to grab another one, "We got lucky that no one has stepped in here with us.”
"Less talking, more working." Katsuki said, getting annoyed with the slow pacing.
"F/n, can you help me with the medicine?" Izuku asked as he held a basket, "We're placing it in your car."
She nodded, following after him. With Eijiro keeping watch, and the others packing, the time went by fast. And then, they were on the road; Eijiro with Katsuki, Denki with Izuku, and F/n with Shoto. They avoided the main roads as they didn't want anything to push them back. It was just like Eijiro said, a day and 10 hours. A day and 10 hours until they finally, finally reach what they came for.
"You know what I was thinking?" F/n said as she watched the town they were in leave her sight. She lightly gripped the steering wheel when she heard Shoto hum. She let out a soft chuckle, earning his stare as it didn't feel like a laughing moment and it almost sounded…sad, "I was thinking...that if things didn't work out, I would get on a ship.”
"...A ship?" It sounded like she was going to leave, again and it didn't sit right with him.
"Yeah, a ship." She said, looking at Izuku's car, "The nights I've been kept up, I think back to other countries and if they had it harder or if there is..."
She refrained from saying that word. Why bother with it now? After months? If there even was what she was thinking, don't you think they would've come to rescue Japan? Or perhaps, Japan was deemed as a failed country? Would there ever be such a thing?
A cure?
"I just want to know what else is out there." Her eyes lowered almost sorrowfully, "There has to be something out there, right?"
It did sound silly to him. Getting on a ship? Does she even know to drive one? "I see your point. Sometimes I do think about other countries, but I tend not to. It's the same anywhere, so why should we?"
That wasn't what she was hoping to hear. She then let out a chuckle, playing with her emotions, "I remembered my dad mentioned it. I thought he was stupid so I just wanted to hear someone else's opinion. Forget I even said it, ‘kay? I feel embarrassed now."
His eyes stayed on her for a moment. She didn't look embarrassed, just sad. Perhaps he should have said something else, but if he was being honest, if that was enough for her to stay then he was going to keep quiet. He only hummed and looked out his window, the fields and trees in view. With the fog still out, it was had to tell what the sky looked like, but it did make the surroundings around them beautiful
The ones in front, Katsuki and Eijiro, snacked on some crackers. The food in their car rattled against their crate. They had placed some in the RV's drawer to make room. Seeds of fruits and vegetables, canned food, snacks, bagged grains, and other packed edibles that didn't go rotten sat behind them. They also added extra packed drinks.
Then Izuku and Denki. The freckle male has already gone to sleep while the other male drove. Their waters, sodas, juice and even beer clattered in the trunk. Their personal bags were in the backseat, jolting at every bump the truck made. Denki had looked at the fuel gauge, a small smile playing on his lips as the gas was still full. He listened to Izuku's snores as he drank an energy drink. When the night hit, they stopped and switched places so the other could sleep. Except for Denki. He kept his promise to keep watch and let Izuku continue to sleep comfortably.
After hours on the road and switching once more they made it. They slowly came to stop, their tired eyes looking at the gated walls and entrance. Denki and Eijiro got off, knocking a secret tune on the covered gate.
Then Izuku, Shoto, F/n, and Katsuki stepped out.
Her eyes slightly widening as she could hear birds chirping, kids laughing even when the sun was covered from the fog. The faint smell of something good and a firecamp had her nose twitching. She lifted her hand, the mist around her wetting her fingertips. She let out a small chuckle, a breath exiting her lips as she could slightly see the fog coming out her mouth.
She made it.
She made it.
#izuku x reader#katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsuki x you#midoriya x y/n#shoto x y/n#shoto x you#izuku midoriya x reader#todoroki shoto x reader
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Update
CW: discussion of trauma (the trauma was a bad car accident)
I was able to pay for my dog's vet appointment and her medicine thanks to the person who paypal'd me ❤️❤️❤️ She isn't happy about having to take medicine again but hopefully this will be the last round, it's pretty much just probiotics and something to settle her stomach because the antibiotics really did a number on her tummy.
My hands ache from the crash but it's no worse than the soreness after crocheting for several hours. I can do some crocheting but I find thicker yarn much easier and less painful to work with right now. That said, I got a bunch of chenille yarn a while back and I have some larger plush versions of my Ralsei amogus dolls in the works. The first one is almost done, I just have to assemble and attach the hat. Will post a pic when he's done. I want to have at least 2 each with and without squeakers made and then I might reopen my Etsy shop and list them. They will cost more due to the cost of materials, but I'll probably mostly have dolls made of the chenille yarn for a while, at least until I can work with normal yarn without pain within minutes again. I'm hoping to sell a couple by Tuesday because I have another chiropractic appointment that day I'll need to pay for and my husband doesn't get paid again until Friday.
I'm still trying to process what happened. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I will be discussing it with her. This therapist is new to me, my previous one that I had for a few years left the place I'm with and is now working elsewhere. We've only had like 2 sessions but she seems nice. It's just a little frustrating having to break in a new therapist all over again but not really a problem so I'm not worried.
I drove today, to take my dog to the vet. It was scary. I didn't realize how paranoid I would be of other drivers, fully expecting anyone and everyone to whip out in front of me when they're waiting to exit a parking lot to the road or suddenly veer into my lane when they're right beside me and I panicked every time I saw them. It took a lot of self control to not slam on the brakes and to remind myself that other people are not going to do things like that. I have to remember I know how to drive safely and most people are not going to be so reckless as to do the dangerous things my brain is expecting them to do. My anxiety around driving is almost back to where it was while I was still very new at it, terrified to be on the road with other people and having no trust in them and even less trust in myself. I have to build up my confidence again and I have no idea how long it will take.
I have to say, getting hit by one huge trauma all at once sure feels different from the trauma I'm used to, which is the kind that builds up over many years in a toxic and dysfunctional family. It's kind of surreal, I find myself wondering if it was all a dream but then I see the bruises on my legs and feel the ache in my palms and how stiff and sore my body still is even after a chiropractic appointment and see the empty space where I would have parked my vehicle and I have to remember it really happened. I get this weird chill that seeps up the back of my head like cold water in my hair when I remember it. And yeah, I'm grateful I walked away with nothing worse than bruises and stuff my chiropractor fixes literally all the time anyway, but I wish it didn't happen.
It's all such a mess. Right now I'm just trying to focus on keeping myself fed with good food and busy with things that can make some money. I'm making chili tomorrow because it's one of the less expensive things I can make, and also I could use some comfort food after the week I've had. And maybe the familiar routine of cooking the beans will help soothe my brain. I only use dry beans as I can't stand the texture of canned beans. Cooking them isn't difficult or complicated, just time consuming and I think the 2 or 3 hours it'll take to cook them will do me some good.
It's after midnight and I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Goodnight, and stay determined.
❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜
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Hey people I love 🫀
Sorry I took an extra day on my normally only one day break between chapters. I have one mostly ready but I've not been feeling too well. I had to take my cat to the vet today because he's been sick and that made me even more exhausted. It's been a busy week of appointments 😅 An OB appointment where they basically told me yet again I'll have to jump through tons of hoops to get the hysterectomy I need for my endo and even then there's been so much damage they might have to work with a urologist and such. Fun! Then a pain clinic because to get any help you have to go through an annoying process with them. Yay America.
Holden will hopefully be okay, the vet thought it was an upper respiratory infection and gave us antibiotics. He hid a lot and at one point drenched himself and their counter because he turned on the sink 😂 He charmed everyone though.
Mom still isn't home but they think next week, I miss her but I'm also terrified of taking care of her because it'll be a lot more intense than before. She still can't walk or move her right side and she barely tries speaking. Hopefully soon... Either way I'll be happy to have her home.
I should be able to post the chapter tomorrow, I've just been a bit sick. I really hope y'all are enjoying it though 🩷 I love you all so much and I hope you're doing well and having a lovely weekend! 🖤
(Holden trying to hide at the vet. He stayed in the corner the whole time. Don't worry he's getting all the cuddles and treats at home)
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