#perfect time for a hospitalization
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Itās always funny being in a mental health crisis and having someone external be like uuuh have you thought about going to the hospital? And itās like no, actually. Because hospitals turn everyone away even when theyāre at great risk to themselves and others so nothing about the ER comes up in my mind because itās always a tiresome and humiliating waste of time and they donāt actually ever wanna help. It is not an option I ever think about.
My friend was like butā¦ you havenāt slept in 2 days, likely arenāt going to sleep tonight, and this kind of PTSD flare up has led to psychosis in the past, are you sure theyād turn you away?
And honestly? Not for that lol. When it comes to self harm they absolutely do not give a fuck but if I present saying I havenāt slept in days, this has triggered psychotic symptoms in the past, and this is potentially a problem that can be treated with ~drugs~ instead of actual mental health help, maybe I should consider the hospital š¤
I just donāt know what to do about work this week and Iām taking it one day at a time bc I have actual children depending on me right now and canāt disappear but if Iām not sleeping still by Monday morning Iām gonna be in no shape to work and I might have to tell my manager regardless of whether I just take time off to sit through this hell on my own or maybe go to the hospital to see if theyāll admit me to experiment on me with drugs ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ Iām honestly curious if they could find something thatād work. Nothing in my bedroom pharmacy has done a THING to reduce the agitation.
#I also donāt wanna be admitted while these are the last few weeks of my catsā life but#this up all night in severe agitation isnāt gonna be manageable after a point#tonight Iām overdosing on xanax to see if it helps lmao Iām supremely tolerant to it apparently so the dose I took should be equivalent#to my prescribed dose justā¦ adjust to inflation lawl#I told my friend how much I took and what I expect to happen so if they donāt hear from me tomorrow they know what to tell paramedics l o l#this is safety planning I swear#I would readily go to hospital bc I do think this is something that could get me admitted and ordinarily Iād be like YES PLEASE. CANT MANAGE#but#work. and my cat.#why could this PTSD episode not have waited a month. I was gonna take personal time after my cat is put down anyway#perfect time for a hospitalization#now? fuck. worst time possible and yet. if I am awake all night again going through torture from my own brain#idk. PTSD is unreal. I still donāt think my actual trauma justifies PTSD this severe and yet here I am#personal#actuallytraumatized#also lol#sleeping pill cocktails#this dose of xanax should realistically be impairing me but I do doubt it. in this state my body is immune to everything#thatās how I even started the cocktail tag lol the shit Iāve mixed to try and break through the impermeability
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some rather strong first impressions were made.
required reading for the magical "voice" headcanon and another for starstruck's signature in particular. asked by @trainerbob23 !
#did i need to do a 9 page comic for this... well who knows. i had this scene in mind for a long time and wanted to do it justice!#important moment for both of them. you can see starstruck just generating the bandee shaped mental illness in real time.#and bandee resolving to be her point of contact with waddle dees if the others can't handle it#he is after all; the strongest and the bravest and the best of them.#āwhat is this signature likeā it's like meeting something that has a human face but you can tell it is Not Human. think: uncanny valley#it also took her quite some time to pick up her own voice. she could not speak (popstarian) on her own for a while#she does not mimic anymore though if she can help it because it tends to weird others out and she wants to avoid that!!#it's not like a fun or enjoyable impersonation; it's like a perfect recording on a device.#also i guess this is *finally* the reveal of the 'hospital' mentioned previously that folks noticed and also like... her name š#anyway.... thank you to everyone who voted for starstruck in that poll and has encouraged this insane self indulgence... wow.#never thought i'd get to draw stuff like this and have others look forward to it. i really hope you'll enjoy this!!!#my art#my comics#starstruck dee#bandana waddle dee
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LOL, I was a patient in a teaching hospital and THIS brings back memories
#teaching hospital#med students observation#guinea pig#humor#humour#funny photos#animals#funny snapshots#perfect timing#felines#chickens#farm life#cat fanciers#cat lovers#wow#LOL#cats
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i miss you tomorrow today
#im on a haitus but decided to post this#art has been beyond hard for me lately#i cant bear to draw lately. but i was overcome with so much pain in the form of some kind of concept of unavoidable loss#which ambushes me sometimes. and i almost cried in the dining room over it#late in a dark winter i had fast food for the first time in years when my dad came home from hospital testing#with my birthday coming up it just feels so hopelessly#such a perfect scene to remember a decade from now#will i be thinking#'when you were here?'
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Something something being abandoned by everyone
#I can't get over the eerie red no-furniture room they put Akutagawa in.#From now on every time in fics Akutagawa is mentioned being brought to the pm hospital this is what I'll be imagining#Atsushi knocking in: Dude why are they treating you in the middle of nowhere D:#Do you need money#Where does the blood red lightening come from#WAIT. I THINK IT'S A PERFECT CHILDREN HOSPITAL#ichiyŠhiguchi#ryūnosuke akutagawa#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s1#bsdrewatch2023
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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.
#if i dont hear news about the side stories mentioning the pocketwatch within idk the next 10yrs i dont know what id do#even one line just one 1āļøsingular idcidc#i remember first time i read the epilogues the complete absence of that pocketwatch drove me crazy i still think about it a lot#bc chances are kdj kept it in the train long enough for kimcom to pick it up in 65 thereās no way they dont have it ā¦#literally at any and every point in the epilogues was The Perfect Time to bring it up#from the cookout to the Clock the museum the hospital EVEN IN SPACEā¦..#singshong singshong can u hear me#oits szo darck in ehere#solar-talks
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I know it's Ryousuke but I genuinely thought it was a woman there for a hot second
#rewatching initial d now i live in gunma and lemme tell ya its an experience#very much a hey i know that! now š¤£š¤£š¤£#even if I'm down in Takasaki and not in Shibukawa or Maebashi#tho apparently the hospital is in takasaki which surprised me cause i misremembered that bit#was gonna go to akagi for the first time this weekend to see leaves but heard it might be better to wait still#so putting it on hold#but E is thinking doing a day at Haruna (up the ropeway which i haven't done) then Akagi#hit the two big ones#ALSO WE DROVE BY THE KANAMESHI SIGN AND I LOST MY MIND#one of those things i didn't expect to still be there but is#we were headed to karuizawa and saw some great waterfalls tho the leaves were only just starting to turn#and on the way back i noticed they did have a 86 & a sileighty under it and i tried to get a pic but my phone didn't focus in time š#will have to go back when i have my license#Wanted to do usui pass even if we were in E's kei car but it was closed#will have to go back obviously#anyways fuck do i love living in Gunma like genuinely perfect place for me#I honestly think I could live in Takasaki for the rest of my life which is kinda bonkers#anyways come to gunma we got great onsen beautiful nature no tourists and lots of fun roads to drive#(i actually kinda recommend avoiding the initial d ones cause some have preventive measures now and others are well....#crowded š¤£)#Anyways theyre still fun but with all our mountains we have so many more#wow long tag post
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a long-looming intermission au question in the back of my head is "what the absolute hell was going on with flint and hinawa back in tennessee." the details remain erratic and fuzzy, but if/when i ever hash it out it's so fucking over.
#the eclectic implications of troubled & deeply complicated family lives on both sides#hinawa had family members in and out of the hospital all the time and quite possibly experienced some degree of neglect#flint is on bad terms with his family for dubious reasons. he probably lost at least one family member to alcohol abuse.#they're the perfect redneck high school sweetheart couple but beyond the curtain things are very wrong in their lives#their national park travel hobby is almost definitely some sort of escapist fantasy made manifest rather than a down-to-earth kinda thing#one or both of them may have thought themself bad luck incarnate - for all the dysfunction and loss they'd already suffered by like age 17#flint is a burly overgrown autistic teenager driving his gal around the mountains in a rusty pickup truck unsure where he's even headed#while a lean freckly hinawa with unbrushed hair blows smoke out his passenger side window and thinks ethereal thoughts about eden#concocting an amorphous unfathomable apocalypse from which they must escape to nowhere if theyve any hope for a future.do you see my vision#intermission au
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Neta: *sigh*....... .......
Ikkan: nervous?
Neta:......a little bit yeah.....
Ikkan: *hehehe*...... Don't be nervous, you have nothing to be nervous about I'll be right here.... And after this I'll be here forever
Neta: till death do us part
Ikkan: till death do us part...(Peck).... Fix your tie....and ..... perfect.....now.......let's get married
[wedding music]
officiant: Good evening everyone, friends family we are guided here today to celebrate life's greatest moments and to cherish the words which shall unite Neta Verns
Neta: *smiling*.....*sniff*.......hehe
Officiant: and Ikkan Kane
Ikkan: *smiling*.....*sigh*.....
Officiant: you would like to exchange your vows
Neta: I'd like to go..............*sigh*...... ikkan.... I always look back and remember the first time we first met.
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: you were very standoffish and quiet heh You're also a little bit mean just a little bit
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: If something told me that that really wasn't you. I'm so happy My hunch was right. Ikkan You're kind, You're soft-spoken, you're so patient ....*crying*... I'm sorry........ Getting to see you everyday. Your smile, hearing your laugh and listening to you speak ....*sniff*...about your interest. Your passionate rants about Arpeggio and crescendo I still don't know what that means but I love hearing you say it....
Ikkan: ehhehehehe
Neta: that's the smile I like to see.... I love you Ikkan you're my best friend and I am truly grateful I'm going to live the rest of my life with you I-
[Alright he's been in there long enough. Pull him up]
Neta: what!?......... what!?..... what's happening!!....*cough*.....ā¦.*cough*.....what the fuck!!... what's going on?!
Octoling Superior: alright Verns you've been in the pit long enough. Time to get back to training. All chargers are outside doing target practice. Take your weapon and go out with the rest of them.
Neta: what?
Octoling Superior: go outside and do tragic practice. Your punishment is over go
Neta: but-but-but I was getting married! *huff* Where's my husband?! My store?! I had a store and my family.....*huff*..*huff*.... Cirrina......my daughter ......what happened to my crab cakes?!!.*huff*.......
Octoling soldier: *hehe* what's he talking about?
Octoling Superior: I've heard if you stay in the ink pit long enough without interaction the brain starts to hallucinate and starts making things up......to keep it self sane. He'll be fine.
Neta:*huff*huff**huff**sobbing**huff**huff**huff**huffhuffhuffhufff......AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah-HA!!.. what?ā¦..huh?..................*huff*.........................*huff*...................*huff*............*huff*.........*huff*.......*huff*........ where is it? Where is it?... here.....*huff*...[squeeze]
Plushie recording: Hi! Demersal the grounding fish! I'm going to ask a few questions ok?... can you name 3 you can see?
Neta:... my dresser......*huff*...my bed....my bass
Recording:.............good job!.....can you tell 3 things you can feel?
Neta:...my bed sheets....my clothes....*huff*....cold floor.....
Recording:..........okay!!....can you tell me where you are?
Neta:......*sigh*....my apartment
Recording:...............good job! Do you know what time it is? The short hand is the hour and the long hand is the minute!
Neta: I know that.... it's...6:47a.m.
Recording:.............. wow! Now can tell me about yourself how old are you!
Neta: ......................35.......
Recording: .........wow! wow!you're so big!
Neta: fuckyou
Recording:what's your name?
Neta: Neta
Recording:.........that's a nice name! We're almost done let's count back to 10 together! Ready?!10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1
Neta 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1......uggghh
Recording: you're doing so well let's take a deep breath ok? Breath in.....
Neta: [inhale]
Recording: now Breath out
Neta: [exhale]
Recording: you are safe.... I'm so proud of you! It's ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know it can be really hard.. just Remember your grounding technique and don't forget to self-sooth!...stay safe hehe bye bye
Neta: you're lucky Behi gifted you to me...if it wasn't for him you would've been sold decades ago.........[chuck] ..............[inhale] [exhale]................ nibbles come here......Did I scare you off the bed?....*kiss*.. . I'm sorry..............hm?...
Mahi:*sleeping*....
Neta: heheh...*huff*...fish still here?.......heh makes sense...
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Mahi: *yawn*..........ummm....uggg....... Neta you need to get a better couch this one sucks.....oh....
Neta: no.... I don't want you to come home... Not for something as dumb as a nightmare ..hehe....I'm fine.I know..i know I know babe I get that... You shouldn't have to drop everything for me..... I know you don't mind it but I do.... I hate that.... yeah I understand........ yeah........ yeah............................. You're right.......................*sigh*....no......I still don't want you to come home..... Can you at least stay on the phone with me for a while?....... Pancakes... I think I buried some hehehehe.....*sigh*... No.... it looks fine. A little dark in the middle..... It should be fine... You cook better than I do..... What are you doing?..... Why are you milking them by hand I thought you had a machine for that........ Oh she's scared of it? awwww poor manatee......... An hour? it takes an hour to get a full bucket of milk?....... Okay that's fair. They are big...I-(gasp).... Mahi!..[inhale exhale]........ How long have you been sitting there
Mahi: couple minutes..... Can I have a pancake
Neta:. .................... Yeah, I'm fine. No, it's just my employee, yeah fish still here......... I'll call you when I get to work..... I love you too...bye................... How many pancakes do you want?
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Mahi: *eating*......
Neta:*eating*.......
Mahi: *eating*.... pancakes are good
Neta: *eating* thank you
Mahi: how do to make them shape like little octopuses
Neta:...Cirrina bought cookie cutter sets years ago. sometimes use them for molds for pancakes..... I use it for eggs too...*sniff*...........*sigh*............ I have to get ready for work.....[stretch].......[POP]...mmmmm......fuck not today knee...ssssss
Mahi:...*eating*....you know you really should try investing in a knee brace I think my friend has a couple of them I can see if she can give you one
Neta: that's nice........
Mahi: so I know you have to go to work and everything in a couple minutes. Would it be too much to ask to drive me to campus I got to go to the library and do some studying
Neta: Alright..... We'll leave 15 minutes... Do you have clothes to get dressed in?
Mahi: no
Neta: we can just find something in the drawer.....
Mahi: can I borrow these jeans?
Neta: Yeah sure. I don't think they don't fit you tho
Mahi: they fit me just fine I just need to cut the pants legs
Neta: *sigh*. . You know you might as well just take the rest of my old clothes. I'm never going to fit em again anyway
Mahi: really?
Neta: yeah really I insist I really don't care. You can have them
Mahi: are you sure?....
Neta: you know what I'll just give them to my daughter she doesn't listen to 'Cyrus in the cyclones' but I think she'll like the Cool vintage look of it
Mahi: no gimme! Don't give it to her! She'll just ruin it and turn it into a jagged uneven crop top! _______________________________________________
Ikkan: I finished milking tulip
Koi-koi: That's good hun. We'll have it pasteurized tomorrow. Just keep it in the fridge in the shed
Ikkan: alright
Cirrina: I'm going out..
Koi-koi: and where do you think you're going?
Cirrina: I need to go into the city The ferry leaves in an hour
Koi-koi: I don't think so. You haven't finished your chores you were supposed to refill the Manatee feed today and You're supposed to mix up the compost in the back.
Cirrina: I know I'll get to when I get back
Koi-koi: noooo... You will do it now. Young lady, I'm not like your father or your grandfather when I say do something you do it now. You can take the next ferry
Cirrina: but I-
Koi-koi: no buts young lady
Cirrina: I'm meeting someone
Koi-koi: meeting who Exactly?
Cirrina:.............a friend
Koi-koi: ....a friend? What friend?
Cirrina: (blush)......he's a boy
Koi-koi: a boy?.....
Cirrina: ... yeah....
Koi-koi: where is he taking you?
Cirrina: a museum, around town
Koi-ko:........ A museum?........................................,........ Be home by 9:00......... Here get yourself some food maybe a souvenir.
Cirrina: you're cool grandma....
Koi-koi: uh-huh whatever...... When you get home you'll do the chores that you were supposed to do and..... You wash the dishes
Cirrina: alright
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Baja: did you see the commercial mom?
Baja's mom: I saw the commercial... I am so proud of you sweetheart You're going to be on TV how exciting
Baja: I know ... I still can't believe it
Baja's mom: this is going to open up so many opportunities. The benefits will be nice. You have a nice paycheck and a lot of money, make sure you save some of it. You're going to make so many new friends!!
Baja: yeah hehe I hope I do...
Baja's mom: I know you have problems making friends.
Baja: mmmmm
Baja's mom: You're a sweet boy you really are
Baja: thank mom
Baja mom: you know this might be the perfect time for you to find someone
Baja: fine who?
Baja's mom: A partner! Ohhhhhh I'm so happy for you honey. You can go on dates. You can meet new people. You'll be married in no time?
Baja: uhhhhh I guess....... I'm going to be really honest Mom. I don't really think I want to do that right now
Baja's mom: Well I don't want to rush you but it's good to start... You know your brother is already married and your sister is on her fifth kid...
Baja: Mom
Hine (Baja's mom): I know. I know I shouldn't compare my kids but let me just finish. Your siblings are no older than you and they've already have their lives set up and I don't want you to fall behind
Baja:Mom, I'm not falling behind. I-I just...ugh....... I'm just....... I'm just not good at dating and seeing people
Hine: What on Earth do you mean baby?! you're not good at dating? Honey, you're the most talkative and social person in the family! How could you think you're not good at dating? You're a real catch
Baja:.........
Hine: What about that fella you told me about? I looked him up, I didn't really like the images I saw .. what about him? I thought you liked him?
Baja: We broke up
Hine: you broke up?....*sigh*...... So you're single?........ So what are you just......... Are you just sleeping around?
Baja: (blush)..NO! I'M NOT
Hine:Sweetie, don't be embarrassed. A lot of young adults have casual sex ...I'm just saying you know eventually you need to settle down and-
Baja:I'm not.. I'm not..... I'm not having sex. I never had it
Hine:....ā¦Well that's ok. Personally I waited to get married to-
Sibling: HA! VIRGIN!
Hine: Maui! What did I tell you about eavesdropping! Go!.............*sigh*....... Sweetheart..... I don't want to put pressure on you sweetie...... I just don't want you to be alone we're not good when we're alone... I want you to have a family
Baja: I'm not alone. I have a family. I have you and my siblings..........and Desmond I guess
Hine: we can't live forever honey you're going to need to find someone eventually.
Baja:................... alright..... I'll try to find someone...
Hine: I know you'll find someone there's someone out there for everyone including you sweetie....
Baja: ........ yeah.....l love you.... bye
Hine: I love you too
Baja:.....................danm
Hitch: we're filming in 15!
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Bayou: this painting is a. Self-portrait of Joyce Veair she was our firat prime minister
Cirrina: wow... she's gorgeous she painted this herself
Bayou: Yes... She has so many paintings around the world. She even has one in Museum d'Alfonsino
Cirrina: really...... She's very talented.
Bayou: not only that, she was very intelligent and very outspoken....
Cirrina: what's this one
Bayou: this is a sculpture made entirely out of urchin spines it was made by tosh monui. Every month he'd shed his old spines. He would collect them and Stick them in a ball of wax until the ball was completely covered in spineies. After he'd take the rest to make a body, he would call them mace men because they look like maces with a body. He soon started to model them after cave drawings of primitive urchin
Cirrina: that's amazing....oh what's this one. This one is beautiful
Bayou: this one is called 'home'
Cirrina: it's a beautiful landscape....who is by?....... This piece was painted by One of the top students in krillarney School of arts and it's one of the youngest to be presented in This museum she has won several awards and has several nominations. We are privileged to have her in a museum This piece is called home by Bayou Ster..............wow same name as you
Bayou:.........ehehehehehe Cirrina. That's me this is my work.
Cirrina: oh..hehehe I'm stupid........ It's really nice. You're really talented....
Bayou: thank you.... This is one of my favorite paintings I used an old picture of my nan's old home.
Cirrina: I love the texture and the hills and trees. It's even in the river.... Do you have more paintings here?
Bayou: I have this big painting over here. This one took me a whole month to finish this one..... I rode the fairy everyday just to get the perfect reference for crashing waves
Cirrina: wow .. . it's amazing
Bayou: it's almost 6 do you want to get something to eat. We can go to Mrs Cuddles to get some fried cod and hush puppies
Mrs Cuddles: Harold, bring these pines to table 7!...
Bayou: hi Mrs Cuddles!
Mrs Cuddles: Bayou how are you darling, Cirrina! Ohhhh... You two hungry? Let me get you something Harold, drop two more cod in the fryer!!..... You to relax. I'll get you ladies some sodas while you wait
Bayou: thank you!
Cirrina: thanks............................................. So you're probably going to think I'm really dumb but for the past 3 days I thought you were a guy
Bayou:.............hehehehe Did you?.must be the tentacle cut huh?
Cirrina: hehehe... yeah...hehehe... I'm sorry.....
Bayou: If I'm being real here I don't identify with anything in particular...if you see me as a guy I don't mind it
Cirrina: if you don't identify as that I don't want to
Bayou: I see myself as everything and nothing, masculine and feminine and anything in-between. I really don't mind Cirrina
Cirrina: All right if you put it that way hehehe
Mrs Cuddles: here you go! Fresh cod and a large bag of hush puppies for the road!
Cirrina: thanks how much do I owe you?
Mrs Cuddles: nonsense it's on the house. Kiddies eat for free here. Once you reach the age to drink you have to pay
Cirrina: thanks Mrs Cuddles!....
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Neta: *humming*...(Pat)..*humming*....(Pat)......
Ona:.........
Candi: *snoring*........*snoring*.......
Tv
Baja:What is music at midnight? Well as the names in the title says we're going to be talking about music and it's going to be airing during midnight.
Announcer: music at midnight a new late night talk show! Premieres tonight only on O.E.T!
Neta:.....*sigh*....... ikkan would love this show. .........me and him cuddling watching TV at midnight. Under a blanket surrounded by pillows...................... I miss him....
Ona: [baby noises]
Neta: yeah? You would like the show too Ona?
Bowie: what are you watching?
Neta: Bowie go back to bed. It's past your bedtime, go back upstairs with your mom
Bowie: but she snores too loud!
Neta: Bowie.. .... okay
Bowie: what's in this room?
Neta: noooo that's my daughter's room you can't go in there....let's sit down on the couch..... come on........(click).....why don't we watch 'Ollie? ...you like Ollie
Bowie: alright
Tv
[Music]........Mom!..[music].......Dad!.........[music].......Leo!......[music]...........OLLIE!
Bowie: hehe
Neta: you need to lay down. try to get some sleep before your dad picks you up. You start preschool soon, you need a proper sleep schedule.
Bowie: okay
Ona: [fussy baby noises]
Neta: you need to sleep too young lady ......
Ona [crying]
Neta: someone is hungry..... Come on baby girl. Let's get you something to eat and fresh dia-(gasp).....*sigh*..... I need to put a bell on you
Mahi: I need to finish my homework I won't be annoying I promise.
Neta: where's Baja should he be at home with you?
Mahi: He's at work... They're doing a test stream or something or whatever
Ona: [crying]
Neta:.......*sigh*... Alright ........ I have some left overs in the fridge if you want anything.... Can you watch Bowie? Just make sure he's sleeping or watching TV as long as he's quiet.....
Mahi: ......(typing) alright
Neta: come on Ona....
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Cirrina: ..... that was pretty good
Bayou: Yes I go there every other Sunday....
Cirrina: I leave on Sunday.... Maybe I can get another one before I leave....... Is that a music store?
Bayou: The old music store? Ye.....you play an instrument?
Cirrina: I play the cello .... It's nothing impressive really..... Second chair trying to get first chair in high school
Bayou: wow I'd like to see you play
Cirrina: no...nooo I-I couldn't .... You were going to take me to the cafe
Bayou: come on... Let's go inside....... We have plenty of time
Cirrina: ehhhhhh ok..... ...
Bayou: excuse me do you have a Cello we can try out?
Employees: sure.....hol up...let meh jest.......unlock.....here ya are..... .
Bayou: here you go Cirrina
Cirrina: [playing Bach: Cello Suite No. 1]
Bayou: [clap]...[clap] ...wow brains and beauty
Cirrina: (blush)..........you don't mean that
Bayou: I do .... You really talented
Cirrina: hehehe.............
Bayou:................
Cirrina: It's getting dark. I need to go home.
Bayou: Yeah why don't I take you to the cafe and get something to go and I can walk you to the ferry....{takes hand}
Cirrina: I'd like that.
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Candi: mmmmmmm.....*yawn*........*huff*........(Squeak).....hm?
Plushie
Recording: I believe in you and your strength to keep fighting
Candi: Demersal?....... Do they still give these out?.....(Squeeze)
Recording: sometimes bad things happen and they're out of our control. It wasn't your fault
Candi: Cod I hated this thing ........ alright where are my kids? .... I'm well rested and ready to go........hey Neta..(toss)...
Neta:...ow......... hey........(Pat).......(Pat)......(Pat)
Bowie: *sleeping*..........
Candi: thanks for watching the kids. Donn had to go back to work today...*yawn*...... just needed a break..
Neta: no problem
Candi: how's Ona doing?
Ona:*sleeping*.......
Neta: she's fine......
Candi: .. That's good.. .... why do you still have this thing?
Neta: it was a gift... I got it when I was a kid...I just can't give it away
Candi:............
Neta: What! Ok what did you do with yours?
Candi: I ripped out the voice box and gave it to Bowie. He then threw up on it so I threw it away. Kids...
Neta: yeah... I had an old blanket I used to wrap her in. One blowout later and it was in the trash
Candi: hehehehe... Don't you just love being a parent sometimes?
Neta: heheheh.... Don't tell her I told you that she would kill me.. hehehdhe
Mahi:.......guys
Candi: hi mahi..........
Mahi: hey
Candi: ....... Donn's outside I got to get going.... Neta do you mind?
Neta: *scooping up Bowie*....yeeep let's go.....
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Cirrina: I really enjoyed this.. I had fun.
Bayou: I had fun too Cirrina. I really like you
Cirrina: I like you too ..........................
Bayou:...............
Cirrina:...........
Bayou:..........*leaning in*............[kiss].....
Cirrina: [kiss]........ Hehehe
Bayou: hehehehehe
Cirrina: (blush)..... I- I need to go....uh
Bayou: I'll text you.......[peck]
Cirrina: bye......
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Neta: alright!! Drive safe!!!!.....*sigh*......... mahi go home.
Mahi: I just got here! And I'm not being annoying. Please can I stay just one more night please
Neta: No, I didn't sleep well last night and I just had to babysit two kids. Let me have my peace. You've been staying here for a week. You practically live here. I need to clean up, I need to do the dishes and vacuum the floor, laundry .. I need to clean out nibbles's box. I need to make this place look like I wasn't wallowing in my own loneliness. All right
Mahi: you can do that when I'm here. It's not going to bother you
Neta: mahi goooooo home.....
Mahi: please can I say one more night please? I won't complain about the couch
Neta: no..... good bye
Mahi: but my apartment is quiet. You complain about wallowing in your loneliness. What about me you don't think I'm wallowing
Neta: get a pet or something ... (SLAM)
Mahi: (bang).....(bang)...... Where do I get a pet
Neta:AAAAAAAAAHHHH........*sigh*.. . . You can stay. This is your last night here. Tomorrow I will take you to the pet store after work pick out whatever you want and leave me alone..
Mahi: thanks Neta!
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@fish-at-fish-fish-resort mahi go home
#ok so demersal is based off this plush my grandma gave me.#i used to get really bad panic attacks so she gave this bear that had her voice recordings of grounding technique#she also put in corny things like it's ok to cry I have a very love-hate relationship with it so yeah#demersal the grounding fish was based off a teddy bear my grandma gave me#except this is more shallow and empty and is given to soldiers in military it's in all the hospital/ e-ward gifts shops#it's kida like a write of passage (inside joke) in the military to give fellow soldiers the fish plush#as a good job you passed training/ graduated/ survived a very traumatic event#behi gave it to Neta unironically#and ironically#mahi on the emo to punk pipe line and what's more punk then wearing clothes older than you given by your manager#koi-koi being a girls girl letting her granddaughter skipped chores to go on a date#she wants to know everything about the date of course#Baja's mom means well she's just with the times schooling fish used to rely on marriage and dating to be social#now they just stay in their bosses apartment for long periods of time so they won't be alone or share beds with their roommate#i could be wrong feel free to correct me#that moment when you have your first kiss and sapphic experience overseas but if you told your friends they'd think you're lying#bayou the he/him lesbian teenage heart throb yay#I'm being honest I think I might make Cirrina a separate character from the rest of the story#but she's still going to be here but there's also going to be another one outside of this. just a personally mine idk#i want to work on a y2k aesthetic queer girl hood shit and Cirrina and Bayou are perfect for that#neta being the designated babysitter when the parent is at work or too tired to function#he even stayed in the mall after closing because Phoebe's mom had to go to work for an emergency#Ollie is a very obvious ripoff of bluey but that's what the kids and adults with parental issues love so whatever#some Candi lore I guess she went to a military school but never went into the military she's just a jrotc kid but not insufferable#mahi is getting a pet yay#'the pit' is a vat of ink if you misbehave you are put in the pit to dissolve in the ink and left there for a long amount of time#think of it as solitary confinement#neta
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I ask her on a date, she says yes, I tell her that I will cook her my peoples finest cuisine, she think I mean Indian food but then she realizes I served a Turkey and Mayo sandwich with no cheese, a pudding cup, Oreos, and both saltine and graham cracker, and a choice of apple or orange juice boxes, so she asks what people I was speaking of, i smile, āIām bipolar!ā She realizes what I meant and says me too, we kiss, three years later weāre married with matching pill cases
#actually bipolar#bipolor#tw meds mention#medication mention#marriage#food mention#food tw#dating#perfect date#wlw post#mental heath tw#also this isnāt a depression meal joke itās about mental hospitals#I miss mental hospital snack time#sorry Iām crazy and also high
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i do think its crazy that the husband in candyman was able to continue his affair while his wife is in the middle of what appears to be a psychotic break and murder spree i just feel like id be too preoccupied and freaked out by that whole situation. literally on the same day his wife may or may not have killed a baby hes like well thats wild but whatever its 6:00pm time to go fuck one of my undergrads.
edit oh my god i forgot he literally brought the undergrad in question to helens FUNERAL this man is insane literally
#like it is . diabolical to be like well my wife just got admitted to a hospital and is being charged for first degree murder so#sounds like the perfect time to move in with my new younger girlfriend. straight mens priorities are deeply concerning to me.#avpost#movie diary#also i forgot that candyman is like explicitly just hanging out caring for this baby for most of the movie.#do you think he ever had to stop at the grocery store to pick up formula and diapers. or is the baby alive and fine bc of magic.#its not like Helen was keeping him alive she literally was locked up for a month. candyman has babysitting experience.
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% ŃŠµŠŗŃŠµŃŠ½ŃŠ¹ Š“Š½ŠµŠ²Š½ŠøŠŗ Š»ŠµŠ²Ń ŠŠ Š§ŠŠ¢ŠŠ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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replayed oph book 1 and god it's still such a great book, start to finish. the friend group dynamics. the twists and turns. the humor, the heart. uvhhbbbbsbsn they were really cooking something
#one weird thing. since this was a diamond splurge replay.#it's weird that you don't get a nice every day diamond fit and instead they keep defaulting to that grey shirt look#whenever im out of the hospital. newer books were clever to add that thing.#and i hate to say it bc we fought for him and i like his character but rafael feels like such an extra even here#he really doesn't interact much with anyone else at times in group scenes it's like he's a ghost only mc can see#and that thing where you can choose which LI you run into! that was i think unique to this series?#now that it matters now since all books are 1 locked LI š#also damn rafmancers stay in trenches but jackimancers are right there too.#a singular female li yet for a chunk of the book she's mean and freezing mc out.#on top of not appearing that much already#so i guess it's not exactly a perfect book but it is perfect. to me. cheers brycemancers#playchoices#also the constant options to be mean or normal to aurora. ughhhh i love her so much why did this series fumble such great characters
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šonce an anxious girlie, always an anxious girlie!!š
#iām substituting the anxiety over going to the hospital for the anxiety over leaving the house to go on holiday tomorrow#bc itās easier to deal with#iām basically refusing to think about it#i feel nothing about this itās perfect fine#yes the cowardās way out but iām mostly saving the anxiety for when itās actually happening#iād rather not be drowning in anxiety rn#thereāll be time for that later#for right now iām making the finishing touches to packing and being so calm and zen#āš»š¤Ŗāš»#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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I have to leave the house at seven tomorrow ššš
#me when I will have to drive an hour and a half during getting to work traffic just to go be in my feelings at a hospital with strangers#itāll probably be fine Iām just anxious cause tomorrows my first real day not just intake meeting#Iām nervous idk if Iāll be able to sleep which seems like a perfect time to try my sleep meds but I have to be fully ready to leave the#house tomorrow at seven in the morning so I donāt wanna take my sleep meds and sleep super long or wake up groggy or any of the other#potential side affects#esp with an hour and a half drive right after I get up#ughhhh gonna smoke a bowl and curl up in a ball and go to bed
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