#also i have a few family members on the spectrum so idk maybe it's not that far fetched to say I may be autistic too

[darklight-owl]

*walks out of a social situation covered in blood* hey guys i think i MIGHT be autistic

[alaskan-wallflower]

For the ask game: Butters! I can't decide on which questions so... all of them! (Or how ever many you feel like answering.)

oh this should be fun-

My first interpretation of them

Honestly I just felt bad for him. I basically knew him as the kid who got grounded all the time and he seemed sweet enough, he was actually one of my faves from the beginning haha

2. When I think I started to truly like him

Honestly the Fun With Veal episode. And in the Butters’ Bottom Bitch episode where he just kept going ‘do you know what I am saying?’ I just thought it was funny lol

3. A song that reminds me of them

(Kinda a joint one) but You and Me (But Mostly Me) from Book of Mormon is SO Butters and Cartman. Also The Weight of Us by Sanders Bohlke.

4. How many people I ship them with

I don’t really do ships lol, I liked him and Charlotte tho, they seemed cute.

5. My favorite ship of them

Probably him and Charlotte

6. My least favorite ship of them

Him and Cartman. Absolutely him and Cartman.

7. A quote of them I remember

“I’d rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy goth kid anyway.”

8, My favorite outfit on them

Professor Chaos or his Stick of Truth costume

9. My least favorite outfit on them

The bear suit Paris Hilton made him wear in Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset. I felt awful for him

10. Describe the character in one sentence

Sunshine boy with horrible family members

11. What’s the first thing I think fo when I think of this character?

His accent. I dunno, I just have a knack for remembering stuff like that lol-I could honestly just listen to his voice all day, it’s soothing for me

12. Sexuality hdc!

I’m torn between him being pan and being straight lol, but I do think he’s on the ace spectrum.

13. My favorite friendship they have

Him and Kenny. Definitely

14. Best storyline they had

Butters’ Very Own Episode. I felt bad for him but it’s one of my favorite episodes

15. Worst storyline they had

Probably in the earlier seasons when he was just used as Kenny’s counterpart for the shows punching bag. Idk, it just felt like he didn’t really have any character or personality back then

16. A childhood headcanon

He lived on a farm for a little bit when he was a baby. They moved from Hawaii to say Oklahoma, then to South Park when he was three. Hence the accent. He also had a pet chick up until he was 7 or so named Toast. His parents made him give the chick away tho

17. What do you think their first word was?

Probably just mama or something. I do have a headcanon he still calls his mom (or his unofficial mother figure) mama sometimes.

18. How do I think he was as a kid?

He was probably really hyper. He subdued when he got older tho because his parents kept grounding him for accidentally breaking stuff when he would run around

19. The most random ship I’ve seen with this character

Butters x Craig. Like ???? They never interacted in the show lol-

20. A weird headcanon

Butters has a huge sweet tooth and if there’s candy or sweets in his vicinity he’ll devour it in an instant and likely suffer from a bellyache later

21. When do I think they were at his happiest?

Probably when he moved out and went to college tbh. He was just happy to get away from his toxic ass family. Or when his grandma finally dies.

22. When do I think he was at his lowest?

I do headcanon that when he’s in middle school he finally snaps. He becomes angry and kinda becomes a bully because he doesn’t feel like he has anyone who cares about him, it’s probably only for a few days at most but he just snaps at everyone, makes fun of everything everyone does, but after a few days Kenny (and maybe Cartman or Kyle) kinda confronts him and he ends up apologizing and trying to find someone to talk to.

23. Future headcanon

I wanna imagine that he lives on a farm, he has a bunch of chickens and goats (his favs) and some cows, pigs, even ducks. He gets a pet dog (a Border Collie) named Waffles. He kinda owns a petting zoo of sorts where younger kids just stop by and he educated them about animals and stuff. He also owns a bakery. He names it ‘Buttery Bliss’ or something

24. What do you think i’d a secret they’ve never told anyone?

Probably the thing with his sphincter and how he has to wear diapers in school sometimes. He probably only told AWESOM-O because he thought it was just a robot. But after that he didn’t tell anyone because he would definitely get made fun of :(

25. When do I think he’s acted the most ooc

Probably in The Worldwide Privacy Tour. Kyle even said ‘this is really out of character for you, Butters.’ so probably that lol, or in Going Native. I mean he literally wanted to kill a bunch of innocent people

26. When do I think they were being “themselves” the most?

Honestly? Probably when he was singing the Loo Loo Loo song, it kinda just showed his cuter side. Or in Cartman Sucks when his parents sent him to the Pray teh Gay Away camp because he was just so oblivious to where he was but still stood up for himself and his friends in the end

27. If they could meet a certain character from a different show/movie/book, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

Hello kitty. This kid would be in HEAVEN if Hello kitty was real. Either Hello kitty or Tails the Fox. Him and Tails are pretty similar. Plus fluffy fox meets sunshine boy, they’d get along-or just him in the pokémon world. Yes.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Probably when he was trying to get the Hawaiian tourists killed in war

29. How do I think they’d be as a parent?

Honestly? He spoils the shit out of his kids. He’s a huge pushover, but not to the point where his kids become spoiled brats. He probably exposes them to animals early so he could get them to know what’s good and what isn’t when on the farm. He supports his children, but he’s probably a very sheltering parent if that makes sense. Has no idea what he’s doing at first but eventually gets the hang of it. He loves playing make believe with them, would totally play dress up and such.

30. The funniest scene they ever had?

When he’s Professor Chaos and trying to be all menacing and Dougie has to keep telling him the Simpsons already did his idea and he’s just like ‘aw hamburgers :(‘

Hope this is good!

[unhinged-popsocket]

How the fuck do I copy post text on mobile?

Nvm got it

1. Name? Madeline/Maddy

2. Pronouns/Gender? She/Her

3. Sexuality? Finsexual, maybe one the Ace spectrum, didn’t get a chance to figure that out yet

4. Country? Slovakia (Help)

5. Top 5 fandoms? Colour Bass (Do music genres count?), SCP Wiki, I don’t really know tbh, I don’t really participate in fandoms much

6.Most Forbidden Snack? My own hair, I have a bad habit of trying to get it between my teeth, whenever I find a loose one, for some fucking reason

7. Pet A Bug? Not fluffy enough

8. Weird Fact / Story? Things have been both really messy but not very interesting recently, so idk either

9. What Does The Colour Blue Taste Like? Blueberry

10. Most Beautiful Thing You’ve Ever Seen? Sharks’s music videos

11. Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Done? So like, this was a good few years ago, around the time I was kinda aware my mom had a possibly deadly illness (Which she later did unfortunately pass to). And her birthday was coming up in like a day or something. And we the kids were meant to make stuff for family member’s birthdays, as you do. Draw something or whatever. And I liked to try to keep mine topical/relevant/whatever. Just something that I associated with that person. And so, in my unending wisdom, I built a coffin out of legos

12. Stupidest Thing You’ve Hear Someone Say? I think the dumbest (music related) thing I’ve seen anyone say was under a piano composition. They said that there shouldn’t be so many arpeggios as “real pianists never use those”

13. Hyperfixation Song? I have the opposite issue. I have a playlist of several hundred and couldn’t pick favourite, or even a list of like 10 favourites if you asked. Mostly colour bass, bass house and some wacky electronic stuff

14. Meaning Behind PFP / Name? I usually wanna use stuff I make myself, and I had the idea to play with the circle by making a sort of self portrait lay against it. I also can’t draw for shit so it’s more of a graphic style thing, which I am decent at. The border is a slightly recolored trans flag. Name’s just stolen from Celeste and stuck.

15. Dream Career as Kid? Astronaut (Very original, I know)

16. Dream Career as of Now? Music producer and everything surrounding that. Or, more realistically, something in marketing

17. Thoughts On CORIANDER? Who?

18. Banned From Location? I’m getting there

19. Cursed Food Combo? Corn on pizza

20. Trans Rights? How is this a question? Absolutely

@maythefool

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[feitania]

hihi, I'm crow (sometimes gwyn) could I please request to be one of your playlist match ups? my pronouns are they/it and I'm currently 16 going on 17 in a few months (idk if that last bit matters but I digress). I'm agender and fem presenting but I try to lean more towards androgynous as best as I can, I've been told my style is sort of like the uncanny librarian, dark academia + vaguely eldritch vibes. My personality type is intj 5w4, I'm adhd-autistic and aroace but I'm both romantically inclined, romantic positive and generally speaking on the aromantic spectrum and lean more towards demi-romantic than aromantic? It's weird man, the point is I'm still interested in a romantic relationship to a certain extent and very much open to a potential or even simply theoretically queerplatonic partnership at the very least. I like horror podcasts, video games with interesting story lines, and am over all someone who might be quiet at times but is not shy nor afraid to speak their opinion, I've done enough martial arts and stage fighting to hold my ground in an fight and I can and will revoke your tendon privileges if you're being a dick. (Not you specifically I mean just in general? also anxiety, I have anxiety and chronic paranoia) I hope that's enough and that I did this right and that everything here us useful and/or relevant. If not feel free to delete this ask and go about your way as if it never graced your inbox, I'm rambling now so I'm going to stop talking, please and thank you, love your work, I hope you have a nice day and or night.

𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬' 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

your match up is: 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐨

Mikey is calm, maybe a little aloof from time to time but very accepting and open for everything -you want to go punch something at the dojo? He is down. You want to show him this new season of your favorite horror Podcast? He will listen to it with you for hours.

It's easy to have him as a lover, mikey acts more like an over grown cat than anything else, really. But that doesn't mean he won't care if you have a panic attack or don't feel too good, mikey is always there for you. He would visit you in the middle of the night or take your call even when he's in a fight if you need him with you. You're his most important person next to his family so you're practically the next addition to the sano family. They even have your favorite food and movies at home.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

You're so dark

"She's awesome isn't she?"

Mikey is roughly pulled out of his day dreaming by hakkais question and turns to look at you, at yuzuha who currently sits next to you and holds one of your headphones to her ear to listen the Song you told her about, and then back to you.

He stands a few meters away from you two, surrounded by the youngest shiba sibling, who is as usually fawning over either mitsuya or his sister -mikey doesn't listen too closely- draken and baji. Standing so far away from you and not being able to talk to you irks him. The plan was to bring you to one of the meetings, drive you home and hopefully talking you into letting him sleep over so you two could listen to your current favorite crime podcast.

Well fuck him. He should have known this would happen. The girls, especially Yuzuha, gotten soft on you and now when you tagged along to former toman member meetings you always were in the company of either yuzuha, senju or emma.

"Who is awesome?" He asks hakkai absently while still starring at you. He didn't really follow the development of the conversation after hakkai interrupted drakens monologue about motoroil to talk about the arrival of his beloved sister. Frankly, he doesn't think the blue haired cares if he listens or not, everybody knows that mikey's attention span wasn't the greatest.

"My sister of course? She's awesome because she got y/n to show me how to play this new game I got," hakkai smiled fondly at you and his sister, "and that's pretty cool."

"It's cool that your sister is capable of holding a normal conversation while you can not?" Draken laughs, hakkai blushes and slaps drakens hand away when the taller tries to pat his shoulder mockingly.

Baji seems to say something mean to hakkai, probably to provoke a fight again but mikey successfully drowns out his friends voices again so he can focus on you.

You have your head rested on your knees and look around, listening to yuzuha and the music coming from your left ear. Mikey waves at you to get your attention but you seem to be somewhere else in your mind so he just hands draken his things, who protests but still takes the helmet and bag, and walks over to you two.

When he's in front of you he crouches down to your height and pokes your cheek with his index finger. The reaction comes immediately when you look at him, grab his finger and bend it.

"Stop touching my face, mikey," you say with furrowed brows and yuzuha next to you laughs.

"But I like your face."

"I don't like your face."

"Wow," the blonde twists his shirt right above his heart as if he's hurt and falls back dramatically, "you wounded me. I'll die now."

You get up on your knees and stare down at him for a few seconds before you start smiling. "Good, then I can eat all of your snacks."

You cross your arms over your chest and mikey gasps in fake shock while he smirks back at you from below. He thinks about how beautiful you look from where he sits.

A few hours later you're sitting behind the blonde on his bike, driving through the night a little too fast so you have to cling to him for your own safety. He hopes you don't realize the extra sharp turns he makes to get to hear your, in his eyes, adorable screams whenever the motorcycle bends too close to the ground.

"Y/N?" He asks -screams- over the sound of the running engine. It's hard to talk when he's driving this fast but he is set on finally opening the can of feelings he tried to push down since he met you. Apparently he got a little insufferable the last few weeks, according to draken and emma at least.

"Yeah?"

"Do you wanna go out with me?"

"What?"

"Do you wanna go on a date?!"

"WHAT? I can't hear you."

You sound confused, leaning close to him and pressing your cheek against his neck. When he feels your breath against his ear he short circuits. He nearly maneuvers you two off the road with how hard he hits the handbrake. You make a horrified sound and cling onto him for dear life while the indigo eyed still has to come back to reality. Dazed he stops the bike just to repeat his sentence with a monotone voice. He didn't even realize he got you close to death's doorstep.

"If you wanna go on a date with me. Often. Like regularly. Together."

He turns to you. You smile at him.

"Sure, but don't try to kill me again okay?"

"Really?" He sounds more surprised than anything else, smiles relieved and then bewildered, "wait. What do you mean with killing?"

You laugh softly before guiding his face back to the road. When his back is turned to you again you kiss the back of his head.

"Just drive me home. We can't miss the newest episode of dark!"

Mikey -or now your significant other- mumbles something about being hungry and wanting a real kiss but drives off, a little slower now, anyway.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️

[aro-aceing-it]

hey, could you possibly try to help me figure out my romantic attraction spectrum by any chance? *note, this is a pretty long post*

I’m definitely lesbian-oriented and not alloromantic, but I’m unsure if I may be demiromantic or aromantic (or maybe something else?)

lately i’ve been debating whether or not i have a crush on one of my friends or not, we’ve known each other for like forever but a little bit over a year ago we started having more in common and texted more, etc.

i don’t usually have people to talk to with similar interests, so i can’t quite tell if this is platonic or romantic attraction. in the past few months, i’ve earned to spend more time alone with her rather than with our sisters, who are also a part of our friend group. one time at her sister’s graduation party, i arrived at her house and she just kinda started holding my hand .!!?? and skipping?!?! to the front door and idk i can’t quite pinpoint what the feeling was but i don’t think it’s platonic? like a mix of nervousness and the ‘warm fuzzies’ thing?!?

another issue is that i don’t think i’ve actually had a crush before, or if i have one right now. one time in fifth grade i thought i liked this boy i was friends with and hadn’t seen in a year, but looking back on it i think i was just excited to see him again? like i didn’t find him attractive or anything, i just felt something and read it as romantic attraction. i definitely find my current crush/squish/whatever aesthetically attractive, but i’m starting to figure out romantic attraction rn.

but back to the girl i’m friends with, one of the things we’ve bonded over are shows with queer characters (particularly wlw ones), and based off some things she’s said i think she may be mspec and/or aspec, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. what i’ve been feeling kinda reminds me of the “only feel romantic attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed” part of the demiromantic identity? i also just can’t imagine dating someone i just met or barely know, but i can find them aesthetically attractive after just meeting them.

i saw something where you said alloros don’t really debate whether they’ve felt romantic attraction, and i definitely don’t have the same relationship with attraction as my alloro friends and family members based off how they describe it.

anyways sorry for having such a long post, just hoping someone else could help me figure out what this may be?

Keep in mind that labels are meant to define your identity in the best way possible for you, but since you asked for my opinion here you go.

At first glance it definitely seems like lesbian oriented demiromantic is a pretty good description of your orientation. Some other labels you might want to look into are queerplatonic attraction (sort of a mix between platonic and romantic while being its own separate thing) and alterous attraction (similar to queerplatonic attraction but emphasis on an emotional bond) I have a couple posts on alterous attraction because I found that it described may feelings better than demiromantic attraction because I was equally happy with friendship and dating.

Debating if your feelings are romantic or not is something that I'm all too familiar with, but one thing that I've always found helpful is thinking about what kind of relationship you'd want with her. If she asked you out how would you feel about your relationship becoming more romantic? Would you ever want to ask her yourself? Would you like to hold her hand? Kiss her? Have sex?

Take my advice with a grain of salt, but I hope I've helped at least a bit in your journey of self discovery

[theteapotofdoom]

Thank you for recognizing Todoiida, because that is one of my favorites!!! I just love them so much...

TODOIIDA IS GOOD!!! THEY DESERVE ALL THE RESPECT AD RECOGNITION!!!

Like ... I mean the most obvious content we have with them is the INCREDIBLE Stain arc but I feel like there is also so much more!!!

First of all, rich boyfriends. I love that Iida, Todoroko and Momo are our three canonical reach kids in the class, and I like to imagine the three of them kind of bonding over it. They’re having fancy tea parties and are all being all casually clueless about social norms together and that’s very cute. Just imagine Iida and Todo going to fancy galas together, serving some looks ... wow I would love to see it.

There are also a lot of very cool parallels between them, especially about their childhood and upbringing!!! They’re kind of two sides of the same coins when you think about it. They were both raised in big hero families, Iida represents the best possible outcomes and Todo the worst possible outcome. But even though their childhoods were VASTLY different on many points, they were also very similar on other points and they could really bond over it! They both had some form of pressure to become as great as their parents/older brothers, and yeah, Todo’s “pressure” was way more tragic and terrifying than Iida’s, but it’s still very real for both of them and it’s definitely something they can talk about. (I saw some headcanons/AUs where the two of them actually met a few times as kids during hero events or just because their families had to work together AND THIS IS VERY CUTE I LOVE IT).

I would have loved to see them discuss this connection after the Stain arc. Iida did what he did in that arc out of love for his brother, but also out of a sense of duty as a member of the Ingenium/Iida family. Like, he literally took his brother’s hero name when he confronted Stain, he felt like he NEEDED to be strong enough to avenge not only Tensei but what Tensei represented for him. And he was devastated when he felt like he wasn’t strong enough for that. And EVEN MORE SO when he realised that he had actually stained (hehe) his brother’s legacy by acting the way that he did. To Iida, being a worthy successor to his brother is extremely important, and part of his arc is about becoming his own hero instead. And on the other side of the spectrum ... we have Todoroki Shouto, who wants nothing less in the world than to be a successor to his father, and who’s arc is about knowing that he can still be his own hero while still using what his father gave him. THAT PARALLEL IS SO INTERESTING AND IM UPSET THAT HORIKOSHI IS NOT EXPLORING IT MORE!!! Can you imagine a scene, right after the Stain arc, where Shouto approaches Iida so they can discuss this? Maybe Shouto is envious of how close the Iida brothers are, and he really admires Iida for being so determined, but he also tells him that he shouldn’t feel burden by the Ingenium name. And Iida tells Shouto that he really admires him for being so independent and confident in his own hero identity AND LIKE MAYBE THEY FALL IN LOVE YOU KNOW?

I just ... I just feel like there is a lot to explore here.

AND THAT’S JUST THE META STUFF, THERE ARE SO MUCH GOOD FLUFFY THINGS ABOUT THEM!!! The height difference! Shouto jumping into Iida’s arm at any given moment and being flustered because “omg my bf is so strong and beefy oh no I love him” and Iida being equally flustered because “oh no my boyfriend is so small and delicate how does such a powerful quirk be inside such a pretty gentle boy I love him”. I also love the chemistry between their two different personalities!!! Iida’s passionate exciting talk with crazy hands with Shouto’s stoic deadpan sleepy attitude ... it’s beautiful. You know what? I’m gonna say it: big Kakagai energy. We love to see it.

Like idk my dude, they also just canonically care about each other so god damn much. I have nothing against todo/deku, it’s a very cute ship, but sometimes I’m a little bitter to see how quickly the shippers erase Iida from scenes that are very clearly between Iida, Todo and Deku altogether. Shouto canonically cares about Iida just as much as he cares about Deku!!! The three of them have been super close since the Stain arc!!! I’m not too mad about it, because I know that’s just how shipping goes and most of the time people don’t actually mean any arm. But yeah, I just feel like the fandom in general in really sleeping on Iida as a character and it hurts my feelings because I love the square boy so much.

In brief, Todoiida has every right in the god damn world!!! Very cute!!! We love to see it!!!

[purplesurveys]

1250

Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines?  No. I had a brief period where I wanted to start collecting them SO BAD and often went to toy stores to gawk at the figures I felt like I needed to have; but I grew out of that and I don’t even really give Funkos a second glance whenever I see them anymore haha.

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime?  We’ve had one cat and two dogs.

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family?  My dad can play the guitar; he just absolutely never shows it off, not even if you lay out ten guitars in front of him. I think my mom played the piano as a kid.

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever?  Yeah, it was my coping mechanism from a few years ago. I don’t do it nearly as often anymore, but I still have my coloring books and pencils stored in my room just in case I randomly want to get back to the hobby.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool?  No, I ask my parents or grandparents to do it haha.

How many light sources are in the room you’re in?  There are two, but I only use one. I never switch on my main bedroom light as I hate how brightly white it is.

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels?  I never get bagels so I don’t really have a clue what I prefer on them.

Who’s your favorite director?  Stanley Kubrick.

Bats: cute or gross?  Neither side of the spectrum; I just don’t think about bats.

What was the last really intense pain you felt?  I got a particularly vicious scratch from Cooper around a month ago that left a deep cut on my thigh. The scar is still visible and I think it’s going to remain that way for a while haha I don’t see it fading out anytime soon.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake?  Both sound extremely pleasant but I’ll take the lake trip because I’ve never seen one, or stayed near one.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone?  I honestly feel like it’s going to be that way for me moving forward. I’m okay with it, though. I feel like it would be very calming and empowering to be able to explore the world on my own.

What is your father's middle name?  He doesn’t have a second name.

Where did your last kiss take place?  Outside my house, by her car.

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying?  I haven’t encountered anyone yet that truly terrified me.

If you married your favorite celebrity what would your last name be?  Kim, hahaha.

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures?  I wouldn’t say so. I pull up the peace sign most often.

Which one of your family members are you closest to?  My sister and my eldest cousin on my mom’s side.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes?  Shoes. They stand out more.

Are you a good liar?  Yes. Doesn’t mean I enjoy lying and take advantage of that skill as much as possible.

Are you proud of your parents?  Sure.

If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick?  Paramore. I think Hozier would be neat as fuck too.

Which is better: orange or grape soda?  I don’t like soda, so neither.

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold?  They are meant to be consumed while hot.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family?  Angela and Hans.

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Pink.

Can you remember the last song you listened to?  I just tuned into a random lo-fi playlist, so I’m not familiar with the tracks and the artists who made them.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly?  Yes.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort?  Nope.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore?  To a considerable extent.

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them?  She is extremely selfish and the biggest coward I’ve ever met.

Are you more of a phone or a computer person?  Laptop.

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work?  Yeah, I work at a PR firm.

If not, do you want one?   

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? I know hypertension is kind of a thing on my mom’s side, but I don’t know if there are any other conditions I should know about. 

What’s your favorite Mexican dish?  Burritos and enchiladas.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game?  No, just collegiate-league ones.

Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else?  I use pads. I’ve never used a tampon or any other product, so there’s no basis for me to make a comparison and establish preferences.

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeppp, I got a customized cake for my birthday.

What months were you and your siblings born in?  My brother and I were born in April; my sister was born in September.

What did you have for dinner last night?  Barbecue chicken.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle?  In, yes. Do people have sex ON cars??????

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows?  I will shave extremely occasionally. Otherwise no, I don’t touch them.

Has your town ever flooded?  This time of the year, always.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place?  Yup. I preferred Burger King’s playplace, though; it was lesser-known so there were fewer kids I was forced to play with.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow?  I’ve never even seen it.

Do you cry easily?  I can.

Are you happy with where you live?  It’s quiet and safe, which is nice; but I think at this point I would be a lot happier and would be able to grow a lot if I moved to a big city.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race?  Not really; but as a general thought, it is an extremly big pet peeve when people only take into account East Asians when the topic of Asia comes up.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?  I don’t hate her. But I can’t stand her.

What genre is your favorite movie?  Drama, romance, a hint of comedy.

Who was the last person you were in a car with?  My mom and my siblings.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card?  Yeah haha. I was allowed to smile on my license, so at least my photo doesn’t look gloomy.

When was the last time somebody hit on you?  Hasn’t happened in a while.

Was the last person you met a male or female?  For the first time? She’s a girl.

What brand is your underwear?  I don’t remember the name anymore.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food?  I don’t celebrate that.

Do you have a TV in your room?  Nah. I don’t really watch the TV anymore, and using the living room TV to watch YouTube videos is enough for me.

Are any of your electronics charging right now?  My laptop is constantly plugged in. My speaker is also charging at the moment.

What was the last video game you played?  I have no clue, it’s been forever.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it?  That they’ll always stay. I didn’t make her keep it; I was the one who moved on.

Google, Bing, or Yahoo?  Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat?  It’s been a while since I set a song on repeat. Maybe Film Out? If not that, maybe UGH!

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube?  Rhett and Link or the Try Guys.

How many college degrees do you want?  I’m okay with the one I have.

Can you wink?  Yeah, but I’m substantially better at winking with my right eye than my left.

Do you own any jerseys?  I don’t think so.

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult?  No. I don’t even think I’ve had it ever.

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake?  I’ve never been to a baby shower. Not a thing here.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided?  I still am. I’m not bothered about it, though. Sex and who I have it with aren’t things I spend much time thinking about.

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex?  Depends. It certainly suits some people better.

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish?  No...I am the short person asking for help :)))))))

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time?  I have black ones but I literally just took them off five minutes ago so I can transfer my music to the speaker I mentioned earlier.

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school?  I don’t think so.

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie?  VEGETABLES. I love green beans, eggplants, and bell peppers the most. I can’t stand fruits, with the one exception of avocados.

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra?  Black.

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway?  I don’t think so. 

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store?  We don’t have a dollar store, and that should be self-explanatory hah.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest!  God no. That’s gross.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in?  Something modern and minimalist.

Where do you want to get married?  Idk, I’m pretty traditional when it comes to this. Booking an events place would be ideal for me; the only thing on my wishlist would probably be the fact that I hope my wedding could be held somewhere cold, like Baguio.

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding?  Uh yeah, sure.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? Spongebob.

Honestly, do you like school?  I liked it when I was granted more freedom to do things my own way, which is to say I really enjoyed college. But I didn’t mind school for the most part, especially since it meant being able to see my friends everyday.

Last thing that made you cry?  I was listening to a song that resonated a lot with me at that moment.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now?  Nothing too big or life-changing to someone if they ever found out.

Last person you took a walk with?  Idk, that’s not an activity I tend to do with other people.

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? No.

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air?  My ex, probably.

Does any part of your body hurt?  My shoulders are constantly hurting these days. I really need to buy a new work chair :( 

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do?  Million bucks. Easiest choice.

Can you keep a secret?  Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie?  The Proposal.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I honestly like it, and I celebrated it when I was able to.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?  My sister and I took a silly selfie earlier.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?  Some of the pairs I have do, but they’re meant to be ripped jeans.

Do you celebrate 420? Nope.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine?  I don’t think so. I barely use them.

How do you eat Oreos?  I just bite into them. No patience do the whole twist-lick thing. Sometimes I’ll dip them in milk, if we happen to have some.

Do you wear your shoes in the house?  That is a big no-no.

Would you survive in prison?  I might not.

Ever been to Georgia?  No for both state and country.

Do you get your hair cut every month?  No, just once a year. Which reminds me, I finalllllllly had my hair trimmed yesterday hahaha I got sick of my long-ass hair, which was starting to feel like a bitch to maintain. It’s only up to my shoulders now.

Current relationship in detail.  I am single...nothing much to share about it. I get to enjoy to spend my money on myself, which is my favorite part about it hahaha.

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to?  My grandma.

List things you spend money on in an average week.  Food delivery and nearly every week, merch. I’ve considerably calmed down on the latter, though.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10.  I’ve only had one...I guess I’d give her a 9. A bit TMI but the oral could’ve been a little better.

Post the last FB group/page that you joined.  I was looking for FB groups for a work deliverable, but I had to join one of them to give it a better scan. I don’t remember which group it had been, though.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship?  No. If they did, I would be very surprised they would still be meddling with a 23 year old’s life.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you?  I’m sure.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?  I’m not now, so no.

What board games are you good at?  I’m quite terrible at all of them, tbh. It’s why I’ve always preferred to simply watch over my friends when they do play board or card games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting?  Wakeboarding. Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature?  Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea?  I’m not totally obsessed with the idea, but they do look good on people.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? I don’t know. 100% of the time they are caused by my grown-ass mother throwing a petty-ass tantrum, so I could not care less about the things they fight about. 

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such?  Nah.

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it?  I haven’t used the Switch since last year.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?  Pick it up and wait for them to talk.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you?  Probably not, knowing my mom – but I would do absolutely anything else to help.

Are you afraid of falling in love?  I guess you can say that, yeah. I’m not headed towards that feeling again anytime soon, though.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?  I wish I was with my friends now.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t?  No.

Did you get kissed last night?  Nope.

Do you enjoy going through a carwash?  Idk, I’ve never taken my car to one. That’s something my parents take charge of.

How did you get most of your scars?  Cooper.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I haven’t.

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do?  Sure. Like back in high school when a group of friends had been caught cheating on our chemistry exam – and we were told that the entire batch would be given a formal warning. I was on the minority side that found the entire situation hilarious, because I know they wouldn’t dare mar the records of everyone else who took that stupid test honestly.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger?  My brother, only because he put his hands on me first.

What/who woke you up this morning?  Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you?  My mom, who always goes in there without knocking/warning.

What’s one of your locked text messages?  I don’t lock my texts and I’m not sure if that’s an available feature on my phone.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly?  I don’t even know how that game works lol.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed?  Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true?  I mean for the most part, yeah. It’s easier to be honest with a few drinks in you. 

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself?  Continued from the other day. Last week when I forgot about a virtual meeting and attended it 15 minutes after it started.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else?  Last Friday when I had to watch my dad treat a service crew member like shit.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy?  Envy, I think. I don’t really feel jealous.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions?  Nope, but close. I’ll do eenie-meenie sometimes haha

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house?  Nothing I’m required to do but sometimes I’ll offer to wash the dishes or fold laundry.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing?  It’s like 70% fashion, 30% comfort. Looking nice makes me feel more comfortable lol.

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other?  Not each other; the dislike was one-sided. Gabie hated Andi for whatever reason, which in hindsight already should’ve been a red flag.

Do you like Laffy Taffy?  No, I’ve never had one.

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners?  Manual, only because I’ve never seen, much less use, an electric one.

Are your biceps at all noticeable?  Nah.

Have you ever seen a walrus?  It’s possible, but I don’t have very good memories of it if I have seen one.

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid?  Not a popular toy here.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it?  It doesn’t. I think that would be a little tacky tbh.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside?  Three. We have doors in the kitchen, dining room, and our main door by the living room.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard?  Not really.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap?  Yes.

Have a best friend?  Yup.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you?  No? That’s pretty petty. Both Angela and Andi have big circles of friends and that would be stressful on my end if I made a fuss every time they hung out with anyone that isn’t me lol.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?  A bunch. I don’t count them as confidantes.

Does anyone hate you? It’s possible but I don’t care enough to want to know.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything?  Not breaking up with Gabie earlier, even though all the red flags were there.

Do you remember important dates?  For the most part, yeah.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you?  “Dream, may all of creation be with you til the end of your life Dream, wherever you are, will welcome you Dream, may your trials end in full bloom Dream, though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous.”

Who gives the best advice?  Andi. They’re able to tell me advice I don’t want to hear but am supposed to be hearing, which I appreciate.

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :)  It’s a random cast every time.

What type of cake did you last eat?  It was carrot cake with a really good cream cheese frosting.

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual?  Almost all of them are...it’s easier to count friends who are straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich?  Anything with pulled pork in it tbh.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline?  I’ve never been asked out.

Do you like The Offspring?  I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan.

One pillow or two?  Two.

Do you like Mad Libs?  I’ve never tried playing it.

Are you suicidal?  Not lately. I haven’t been for a while, actually. I’m really happy about that.

Where do your grandparents live?  My paternal grandparents live in the south. My maternal grandma lives in the village right next to ours haha, so not far away at all.

Do you cut yourself?  Yeesh. Can’t questions like this come with a trigger warning? Anyway, no I haven’t in a while as well.

What is your pet’s name?  Kimi and Cooper.

Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I'd love to visit. < Same!

Aren’t babies overrated?  I think they are overrated in a sense that everyone always seems to want one of their own, but the circle gets extremely smaller when it comes to those who actually have the capacity to take proper care of an infant.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard?  No.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? Sure, in like claw games and whatnot.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal?  No. I don’t really like stuffed toys lol.

Ever been to a circus?  Nope.

Ever shot animals? I have not.

Do you consider yourself intelligent?  I guess I’m booksmart more than anything else. I had good grades and can handle myself in arguments and debates...but I have my weaknesses in other aspects too, like street smarts lol.

Have you ever run away from home?  I had a period when I wanted to, but never pushed through with it.

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else?  Work > friends > family.

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past?  I always shoot my mom a glare as if to say “be careful of the line you’re crossing” whenever she makes a homophobic, sexist, or racist remark.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get?  The healthy and stable mental disposition I find myself in these days. I would never give it up for anything ever again.

Are you satisfied with your body image?  I mean not fully, but I also don’t have any complaints.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory?  I’ve been called a bitch by this girl that was just a terror to be classmates with back in middle school. She was known to a big war freak and had her fair share of behavioral/anger issues, so it didn’t really affect me once I knew I was her next target. I didn’t encounter her again until college when we ended up attending the same university, and she’s changed a lot for the better.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of?  The former, no. Yes to the latter.

Have you ever been seriously ill?  My fever last year really felt like the end of me lmao, so I guess yeah. 

Have you ever befriended a former enemy?  She wasn’t an enemy per se, but I just found myself immensely irritated by Sofie during our first few meetings; but then she ended up being one of my best friends for a time

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people?  I did in the past. I wouldn’t do so these days.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation?  That hasn’t happened to me.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa?  I think once? My ex was brewing a surprise for me for Valentine’s Day last year and to cut the long story short, she essentially walked a crazy long distance in my school to make the surprise a success. My university is huge and even I prefer to take my car whenever I have to go from one building to another, so I definitely saw the effort she had put in.

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable?  Right now. It’s really humid and my electric fan isn’t really doing anything to curb the heat :/

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person?  She is very uptight.

Who have you been talking to the most today?  My co-workers, albeit virtually.

Are you nosy?  Nah. I won’t really press and will wait for people to open up.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend?  I don’t do mean things to my friends.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about?  Fuck if I know. Her pride is way up in the sky for her to do something like this.

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed?  I’ve only kissed one person.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh?  I don’t think so. It would be etched in my head if I was ever told this.

[stvrlcts-blog1]

hi friends !! my name is cas ( she / her ) & i live in cst !! i’m sooo sorry that i’m late to the party...i am usually a VERY active member, which i will be next week starting tuesday !! until then, i’d love to hc, plot, and chat until i can actually go on. i won’t have computer access again until i come back home. read below about my bby !! 

∿° la’s favorite singer has made his appearance at the party. it’s insane how similar he looks to thomas doherty. according to celebslam, ezra daly has been given a reputation of being volatile , but also vibrant. the twenty three year old has been living in the city of dreams for all their life, i wonder how much longer they’ll last. ** jesse rutherford vc 

↓↓ TW: ALCOHOL ABUSE, DEATH & DRUG ABUSE/MENTIONS  ↓↓

background. 

ezra daly was born and raised in socal all his life. he grew up in a suburb outside of los angeles. as a kid, he grew up fairly normal except for the fact that he had a fairly absent father. his parents got divorced when he was 12. 

TW: ALCOHOL ABUSE & DEATH: after that, ezra for the most part lived with his mom & his father resorted to drinking to reconcile the loss of his family. when ezra turned sixteen, his dad passed. ezra never really recovered from the loss, due to never reconciling old wounds with his father. 

during high school, he started messing around on soundcloud ( and yes, i am somewhat loosely following the nbhd story line as for album relases --- SUE ME OK !! ) with a few of his friends. after they received some attention, at 18 the band released their first album called #00000 & #FFFFF or black & white. ** im still working on the band name...like just might steal nbhd or do some saint, or maybe the district. idk. 

once he graduated high school, he was signed to a record label with the rest of his members. since then, ezra has been climbing the charts & even ventured to create his own solo work !! his band & solo shit has the same level of popularity in the alt world as the nbhd & jesse’s own stuff. 

personality.

ezra is EXTREMELY volatile & susceptible to mood swings. he’s somewhat of a minefield, and can’t control his temper once someone or something sets him off. 

on the opposite spectrum, he is extremely melancholic & appears hopeless when left to his own devices for too long. that being said, he loves parties with people. 

TW: DRUG MENTION, DRUG ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE: he has an ADDICTIVE personality. literally cannot control himself. self medicates. extreme stoner. jaded to the max about drugs / alcohol. 

that being said, he’s fiercely loyal. he loves the people that are close to him. would literally do anything for them. sometimes gets taken advantage by people that know he’ll drop everything for them. 

extremely prideful, envious, lustful. hollywood has changed him in the last FIVE YEARS. not easily trustworthy of newcomers, but ultimately tries to see the good in others. 

has an eclectic style, very niche on twitter & instagram. has a kind of strange mix of followers and fans. 

wanted connections.

POTENTIAL BANDMATES (0/3): people that grew up with ezra in high school, we can work out the actual connections once we establish the timeline. but i would LOVE having his bandmates actually be muses he interacts with instead of npc. 

TOXIC EX (1/1): birdie and ezra started dating a few years ago. they’ve been pretty much on and off ever since then. tabloids are unsure of their actual relationship status, but it’s fairly messy. 

THE SQUAD (1/?): i picture this group to be fairly good friends now that they’ve established themselves in cali as the young rich and famous. i imagine they’re all fairly close. we love the bros !!

FWB GONE WRONG (1/1): hannah and ezra have been hooking up casually for quite some time, and ezra is starting to feel things he really doesn’t want to. some lines have been crossed, and now he doesn’t know how to act. 

RIVALS/ENEMIES/DISLIKED (1/?): it’s not hard to get on ezra’s bad side. he’s fairly disagreeable and easily bothered. i imagine he gets on people’s bad sides often and vice versa. 

OTHER POSSIBLE PLOTS: good/bad influence, neighbors, collabs, frenemies, etc. 

I AM LITERALLY DOWN TO DO ANYTHING & I WANNA PLOT WITH ALL OF Y’ALL. SO, SMASH THAT LIKE & I’LL COME TO YOU !!

[saltpepperbeard]

Bro but can you PLEASE do a rant post about Josh. It’s just so hard to keep track of this boy because he’s just all over the place like???? I can’t even keep up with this man

Lmao well, you haven’t missed out on anything really, because that’s just what’s been frustrating everyone for the past few years. Ever since Hunger Games wrapped, Josh has kind of…dropped off the radar. I’ve said this a few times, but I was expecting him to take off running with THG’s fame and attention. I was hoping that he would use the energy he got from that franchise and send himself upwards onto bigger and better things. I think that was the general consensus with the fandom actually. Everyone just wanted to see him SUCCEED, gdit.

Like, we all knew good and well that he could create Award Season worthy work. We knew perfectly well that he was talented, and at the time of THG, he definitely seemed to have the drive, the energy, and the passion for his craft. So we were all rubbing our hands in anticipation like yaaas, where is this LITTLE LOVABLE DANDELION GOING TO GO NEXT. COME TOGETHER. GET YOURSELF AN ACADEMY AWARD SIR.

…Buuutttt instead, he went in the complete opposite direction??? Instead of getting more roles and getting himself out there, he seemed to like, take numerous steps back? His attention turned to smaller projects, and the amount of projects he was accepting definitely took a dive as well. Like, look at his IMDb page. From 2008 to about 2013-2014ish, he was a FIREBALL. 2012 especially man. That seemed to be a hoppin’ year for THG cast members honestly.

Now though? It has tapered off severely. The only really creditable thing after MJ2 is Futureman; everything else is either a very small role, or something that had a very limited release, or something that will never see the light of day. So that’s just it really. The ONLY thing he’s really done after THG is Futureman.

Soooo that’s got his fans a bit ANGERY lmao. Personally, I had expected him to take a break after MJ, but only for like a year or so, man. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt for the longest time. Like okay, he’s in his twenties, maybe he just needs a breather. But then…IT NEVER STOPPED LOL? I was like…if he stretches this any longer, he’ll lose that good THG momentum. Annndd here we are coming into 2019 and he’s just…pretty stagnant.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS, he’s being super weird about promoting himself now, and also with how he presents himself. Like, if he was just doing Futureman, but was really passionate about it, energetic, enjoying himself, etc, that might be a different story. If we saw him posting cute pictures to a personal IG, and promo pictures to a work IG? If we saw him being active in GENERAL? It’d be tight.

Buuuuttt nope. The main stuff from him the past few years has been little appearances at parties with his friends, or the usual-

He hasn’t really been giving anyone anything to cling on to, or to get behind him for, or to just…be a FAN of anymore. So this made ME start to back off a little. That, and I’ve been conditioned as a Veteran Joshifer Shipper™ to just ignore anything Spain related lmao….SO UH, THAT MEANS I’VE BEEN BLOCKING OUT/MISSING QUITE A BIT AS WELL.

And in doing so actually, I missed out on something he was doing that was pissing people off even more. I talked to some lovely ladies here in the fandom to get the Inside Scoop, and bypass the Jodi Filters™/talk about the Spain happenings to get the tea lmao. So okay, Josh FINALLY does an interview right. He FINALLY sits down with someone and actually has the opportunity to talk about his work, his projects, his PASSIONS. And instead? He talks about Claudia, and Spain, and everything that he’s been presenting to his fans for the past few years ANYWAY.

That’s why everyone is so pissed with the new podcast that came out. They wanted to hear him actually talk Futureman, actually talk his plans for the future, actually talk about his supposed PASSION. But no, it was predominantly about Claudia. Which like, yay supportive boyfriend whatever. EXCEPT, people didn’t sign up for that. They didn’t want to listen to the podcast for Claudia. They wanted to listen to the podcast for Josh. They’re HIS fans, not hers. They want to hear about HIS work, HIS ideas, HIS happenings on set and what not. 

“Well Jodi,” says the Devil’s Advocate, “What’s wrong with him being a supportive boyfriend? Is he not allowed to talk about his girlfriend?”

Well yeah, sure, except…After getting the tea from people, and realizing how much he’s suddenly focusing on her now, it’s just…weird? I mean, they’ve always been weird lmao. I’ve always felt kind of just…OFF about them, even with the NOTP glasses removed lol.

Here’s the thing; Josh used to be very insistent on keeping his private life just that; PRIVATE. There was the longest time where he didn’t even confirm he was dating Claudia, or even mention anything relating to their relationship. He kept them very private, aside from his trips to Spain of course, while maintaining a presence in the industry and with his fans.

But now it’s seemingly flip-flopped? It’s like, he’s presenting his PRIVATE life 90% of the time, and work related stuff 10%. And of course there’s all sorts of tea regarding her using him for attention, fame, etc, but that’s something I DEFINITELY haven’t looked far enough into to properly discuss. After talking to people though and getting more information, I do find it a bit strange that all of this Talk has seemingly increased now that Claudia has more attention being thrown her way? And don’t even get me started on how he seems to do everything and get nothing back. 

And the strange dynamic they seem to have going on is frustrating people even more. They think he’s being used, or putting all of his eggs in LITERALLY ONE basket. That he’s focusing ENTIRELY on her now, and not his friends, family, career, etc. I mean, he did say on the podcast that his friends were pissed with him for cutting them off when he went to Spain. sooooOOOO IDK MAN IDK, IT’S JUST…SJDKLSJDLS WEIRD.

Regardless of what’s going on, it’s frustrating, frustrating to everyone. It’s almost like the Mutual Disappointment towards Josh has brought people together lmao; I’ve seen people agreeing with each other who used to be on quite opposite sides of the opinion spectrum. 

TL;DR, he’s barely working anymore, nor is he presenting himself well. Anything he does present deals with his girlfriend, or partying, or things he never would have brought to such the limelight a few years back. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he’s not working as much, so the only things he can really show IS his private life. But like...goodness gracious, Joshua; GET BACK OUT THERE THEN.

ME, PERSONALLY, I’ve still got a tiny glimmer of hope for him. After adoring him and following him for so long, I can’t really BRING myself to throw him completely to the side. So I’m going to be just…watching for Actual Things To Get Excited For lmao, and hoping and praying his fiery film spirit that I originally stanned him for will return soon. I want him to get out of all of this SO so bad. I miss the old him, THE Josh Hutcherson. I really do.

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

I know it's a lot! But all of the 65 questions you aren't used to!! I love getting to know the blogs I follow!

Okay love! The last one was a freebie so I guess I’ll just leave that one out haha.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Na, usually it’s the opposite for me. I don’t feel important enough to be real.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe a 3? I don’t mind the dark as long as my imagination isn’t getting the best of me, which it usually is. I always have my little touch-activated lamp in my room left on at the dimmest setting at night.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Donald Trump.

4. What is your favorite word?

Drumonios. It’s an Ancient Greek epithet of Artemis, and it means “haunting the woods.” (hey, no one said English word)

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

*in Monty Python voice* THE LARCH

No, but in all seriousness, I’d be a willow. So gentle and comforting, like the tree leaning over to hug you and give you shade.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

Yikes.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A black shirt with images of moon phases that says “to the moon and back”

8. What do you label yourself as?

Is this a gender/sexual identity question??? Cuz if not I could label myself as anything. But genderwise I’m a cis female and orientation-wise I’m lesbian, biromantic, possibly somewhere on the ace spectrum?

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room. Or mostly dark. Dim with a yellowish lamp because I hate white lights.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Talking to my gf on the phone.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

tbh this year, 19. My anxiety’s been better than it ever was. I haven’t been actively suicidal at all this year. I’m just in a better place all around.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Probably my mom?

13. Your worst enemy?

Myself

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

Romantically? My girlfriend. In general? Everyone who hasn’t crossed me.

16. The last song you listened to?

Right now I’m listening to LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco :)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Donald Trump, while he’s in a cabinet meeting so it blows up everyone else there too

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Donald Trump or my ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don’t really want a slave? Kinda against the whole idea? But ig Thomas Jefferson bc he needs to know what it feels like (Hamilton pettiness coming out oops)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My eyes! Idk if I have a picture that shows them really well? But you can check my selfies tag. They’re deep hazel green with gold flecks.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would look like historical Alexander Hamilton and I would hang out in history museums freaking people out.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Wouldn’t be a secret if I told you. ;) But seriously, I’m not very private about my talents because I’m proud of them. I write, read, make up codes, solve puzzles, sing, do calligraphy. Sometimes my eyeshadow looks decent.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Most of the unique things are PTSD triggers. The rest of my fears are just normal.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Grilled mac and cheese sandwich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Put it towards saving up for a Switch so I can get the new Pokemon game when it comes out this fall.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

The British Isles, where I will do historical tours and live in the Highlands for a year.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I don’t drink, I’m pretty against it in part because my uncle’s a recovering alcoholic, but I’d say strawberry daquiris? Idk brands, man.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Socialism and if you’re gonna mess up the process and turn it into communism then you’re off the island.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuckweasel. Thanks, Raven Cycle.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone I guess?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Nothing. As much as I hate what I’ve been through (assault by my ex, manipulation by my dad) it’s taught me so much strength and made me who I am. I know red flags. I came out of my shell. I know how to say no, how to cut out toxic family.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Scotland.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

FDR. We have a polio vaccine and he was my favorite president.

34. What was your last dream about?

I was doing a crossword puzzle but, like, it never ended. And the clues kept changing every time I started to write the answer. It sucked.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Nothing was inserted haha so yes. I am a good.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Twice. Once as a baby for my open heart surgery, and once when I was 4 for severe dehydration from the flu.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes but it’s been like 13 years.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Light blue and white stripes.

39. What type of music do you like?

Pop, rock, folk, Celtic, classical, old country, like, Woodie Guthrie, and some new country like Kelsea Ballerini.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

SUNSETS

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Cherry!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Um, I guess the OSU Buckeyes cuz that’s where I live and I hate pro football.

43. Do you have any scars?

I have a huge scar down my chest from my heart surgery, a few self harm scars left, and quite a few from old cat scratches. Also my left knee is covered with scars from being a clumsy child. And I have small birthmarks which correlate to past life injuries which is fun

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A librarian/history or English teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight.

46. Are you reliable?

Sometimes I flake on plans bc of mental illness, but yes. I am a strong shoulder to lean on, and I will always be there for you.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Am I trying for the right things?

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not consciously. But there are certain things I haven’t been able to forgive just yet.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

Sloth dragon. Sloth with little back scales and wings who flies very slowly and breathes fire when threatened.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

My mom and I have the funniest conversations. I couldn’t pick one. Every day between us is just hysterical.

51. Are you a good liar?

Yes. But I don’t lie anymore except when I have to.

52. How long could you go without talking?

Probably forever as long as I could write or text.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

When I was 9 I decided to get a shoulder length bob. My hair did not approve. Constant white-fro. I don’t have a picture of it full glory, but this is after having it styled, at age 11, as flat as it would go.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Noooo I suck at baking. I’ve made cookies though.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

British, I guess? I do a good Hermione.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter lmao I’m classic

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Uhhh I sketched a flower on my church bulletin last week? Nothing fancy. I don’t draw.

58. What would be you dream car?

‘67 Impala baby.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I, uh give political speeches to the showerhead? It’s the Hamilton mood.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I definitely believe we can’t live in a universe infinitely big all by ourselves.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

I don’t read my actual horoscope, but I look at those zodiac posts a lot, and I know my full birth chart.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

A and S.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Both. Dinsoaurs could have been dragons, we don’t know.

64. What do you think about babies?

They’re okay til they cry or poop or throw up lmao.

Thanks bb!

[mintchochipkookie]

helloooooo banshee if you were to get/make a gift for each member of the Gaang, what would you give them?

Bloooooo! I’m gonna be real with you bestie, I struggled with this one. It’s been like 5 days and I still don’t have a proper answer for each character. But it just be like that sometimes.

Zuko: I was initially gonna say a weighted blanket for Toph, but I think she would probably feel trapped by that, but I think it would be perfect for Zuko. That boy needs so much love and several hugs and I think he’d feel comforted by one. I also thought of...stick with me...diyas. Look, if Br*ke can “borrow” heavily from our culture, I think I can do this. So, I have a few reasons for choosing a diya. Firstly, the obvious fire symbolism, plus I associate them with Diwali, which is also appropriate, what with it being the festival of lights that is heavily associated with fire and all. But I also think that diyas could serve as a reminder to him that fire isn’t just the element of destruction, you know? Fire can be gentle and purifying too. Diyas are also indicative of enlightenment, wisdom, and a reminder that light destroys darkness. And that just feels perfect for Zuko?

Toph: I was thinking I’d give her something for every other sense? So like, I’d take her for a whiskey or wine and cheese tasting, I think that would be a fun day out too. I’d gift her a bunch of other stuff too. I’d give her a musical instrument, probably a percussion instrument. I know drums are a popular headcanon. I think she’d also like to cuddle with a stuffed toy when she sleeps, even though she may not like to admit it, so I’d give her a badger mole plushie or something. Maybe also some custom scented candles. Let’s cover the whole spectrum of her element, from floral to earthy ones. And finally, some potted herbs? I don’t know if she would be good at caring for plants but I wouldn’t put it past her. Plus, idk, just something about giving her a live plant in soil to take care of feels like it makes sense? She’d be so proud of herself for taking care of it too, and she’d use it in her food and be like “I made that! :D”

Katara: Hm, I like to think that there are still some books on SWT customs and culture in the ATLA-verse. I’d find them and give them to her so she can learn a bit more about her tribe. I’d also collect and write down stories, recipes, anecdotes, music, etc, about the SWT that the adults in the tribe might have, so there’s a physical record of them and give that to her too. Also...a snow globe? Lol, especially when she goes to the FN as the SWT Ambassador. It can be a little memento of home in the tropical climate of the FN. It’ll have some igloos and mini figurines of otter penguins and her family and stuff.

Sokka: I can’t remember if he has a sheath for his sword, and even if he does, it’s fine. I’d give him a cool covering for it, or any of his other weapons. Something space themed seems appropriate since he calls it his space sword and it was forged from a meteorite. Also, Water Tribe, moon, night sky, all that. Feels fitting. I'd also give him some art supplies, because someone has to support his passion for art. That way he can make cute drawings and send it to all his friends to show his love, cuz you know he 100% would do that!

Suki: I'm not really sure tbh, but it would be something related to Kyoshi, the only good avatar. Since I refuse to consume ATLA media outside of this show, I don’t have a whole lot of insight on either woman tbh. But there has to be something specific to Kyoshi, right? Like, idk some scrolls with some information about her, or maybe there’s some surviving artifacts that belonged to her. Or exact replicas of her fans, but idk how much different that would be to the existing Kyoshi Warrior fans. Maybe I could get her a better, stronger version of the fans actually.

Aang: I……..don’t know. I was gonna say some scriptures related to the duties of the avatar, or Air Nomadic customs but he’d probably just ignore them anyway and continue on the way he is. So maybe something for Momo and Appa? Maybe I’ll get Sokka to do a portrait of both of them and Toph can metal bend a frame for it and gift that to Aang lol.

[hotdadlicense]

salty ask list 4, 7, 9, 14 and 17 (XYZ is lawsuit) for 9-1-1- tv show?

4. do you have a notp in your fandom? are they a popular otp?

no! so far i'm vibin pretty much everything that's going on which is NICE.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

NO. though, tbf, i have NOT finished yet and therefore also, have not done a rewatch. and that's usually where i form my more Concrete opinions.

9. most disliked character(s)? why?

okay i don't necessarily dislike any characters so far?? some character sometimes do Things and i'm like hmmmm what the fuck. maybe Don't. but overall i'm having fun and not like, actively tuning out when certain characters come on screen. which is RARE.

if i had to pick ONE, like just pick ONE that i'm slightly SLIGHTLY less endeared with currently? uh eddie. idk WHY okay i literally can't think of why. just something in the past season or so has made me be like hmmmmmmm. but also i love him. but i could love him more, y'know.

14. unpopular opinion about your fandom?

i actually haven't ventured out to any 911 blogs! which is surprising. everything i see about 911 comes from the same like 4 people that i follow that post it so i'm not up to date on the Fandom Drama and Discourse and honestly. it's so nice. love that.

17. instead of [lawsuit mess] happening, I would have made [answer] happen…

kasjhfjkasdhkj okay i am SO sorry about ur hatred of that whole plot line. like i hated it too but like. only simply becos i HATE Family Divided. Found Family Fighting. but honestly due to the fact that i know jackshit about lawsuits and lawyers and court etc etc?? the technical details about all of it barely even made an impact on me askjfksakhd i'm SORRY!

okay i haven't really done a Deep Dive on the Emotional Spectrum of what buck was ~going through~ for that entire debacle but like. there was the earthquake then there was the truck on his leg and he was off work and he was feeling like actual shit and he wasn't! allowed! to work! to be with his family! and they all kept turning him away! like yes, it was for his own good becos, injured, but like. it's BUCK! kids got abandonment issues and family trauma and is the type of person that NEEDS attention and reassurance and like. physical shows of affection. then there was the tsunami and losing christopher and then there was the blood clots at his welcome back party and he was turned away again???? i think there was some more hospital time? my memories getting hazy here but basically buck got kicked like. multiple times while he was already down.

and like the others were trying to show they cared by like. making him not work???? my memories of this specific part are NOT there becos with that plot i was like no lmao i'm not fucking watching until everyones reunited so if this is incorrect, forgive me, but everyone was like 'buck, no. u cant be here.' and buck was all 'bros i Need to be here. i NEED it.'

like they were all trying to SHOW each other how much they cared whilst also NOT LISTENING to each other. DECIDING things for each other instead of establishing some fucking open communication. so BUCK fucking sued them. which, okay drama king. and yes luc, he did it terribly. he did it in a way that no legal binding contract lawyer etc would work but. it's a drama show so that barely pinged my radar, i'm sorry, my dear.

SO BASICALLY all this to say that if EYE was in charge here and writing the story and laying down the ideas and storylines and character arcs, and we HAD to have buck sue them for like idk. the higher ups constant need to always divide The Family on Found Family Shows. then i GUESS we could keep MOST of it the same but instead, and luc omg ur absolutely gonna hate this, but instead!

instead of everyone kinda living in their own lanes and focusing on their own shit (which totally justified and fair btw! deal w ur shit, kids!) maybe if they all kinda looked around and were like 'oh damn. we're falling to bits here.' then MAYBE! if SOMEONE! from the firefam went knocking on bucks door to TALK to him.

and maybe if buck was all "actually, my lawyer said i'm to have no contact with anyone that i'm suing." cos he's such a law abiding citizen etc as we been knew. obviously.

okay THEN if said firefam member was like "oh, cool. they can forcibly remove me from the premise when they get here, then! any who! until then-" holds up some takeaway boxes, "dinner. can probably fit in an episode of [dumb cooking show here] as well. maybe Talk." and just barges in and settles on the couch.

and they TALK. and it's not deep and it does Not get to the root of the problem but it's a fucking START.

then two nights later, maybe a different firefam member shows up, same opening line at the door, and buck tries to get them to leave again, but like, he's barely putting up a fight. maybe the talk circles a little closer to The Issues this time.

maybe another firefam member a few nights later, but this time instead of trying to sort BUCKS Current Life State, they focus on said firefams Current Troubles. some give and some take.

maybe eddie DOES call buck to bail him out of jail. becos they've been in fucking CONTACT. maybe hen vents about her and karens current struggles and doesn't exactly ask, or listen, to bucks advice but like, it's good to TALK and she likes some perspective.

again, my memories of the other plotlines in these eps are HAZY at best and imdb is NOT helping me so disregard pretty much all of this if it DOESN'T make sense. but i just think it'd be neat if they fucking talked. if they sorted some shit out organically. i THINK i understand why buck jumped the gun and was like fuck it! let's sue! but i'd need a rewatch to like. have more concrete thoughts about it all.

BUT HONESTLY. if we could just get that shot of the lawyer telling buck what will happen if he goes thru with Suing them, including how he won't be able to have contact with anyone, and then we had a shot of buck showing up at bobby's. but instead of handing him the serve or what the fuck ever he did, instead! we got buck like, breaking down or something. like if suing was a close call but just didn't happen and instead buck like, took some time to THINK things through in the Big Picture way instead of the I'm Sick And Tired Of Always Being The One Fucking Suffering way and then we jump to the communicating and making up and there's no everyone vs buck, buck vs everyone thing??? that'd be just so much fucking better imo.

[queerchristianaffirmations]

Do any of you have ideas of how to come out as nonbinary to family that doesn't believe in more than two genders? I'm really sick of being closeted with gender and sexuality and just ugh idk I want to come out but I'm worried they'll laugh or downplay my distress over this, or even like tell me I'm wrong/confused/stupid

Hey Kiddo! 

As a NB and closeted person myself, I can relate to how frustrating it can be to have to hide who you are. As for coming out to your family that doesn’t believe more than two genders, let me start off by saying two things. 

1. Only come out if it’s safe, don’t feel pressured to come out. But if you want to then go ahead, it’s not always easy so kudos to you for being brave. 

2. You can’t change their minds for them right away if they don’t believe in two genders. When coming out, you may get mixed reactions. Not being accepted can be a very hard thing, but sometimes family members change their minds and learn to accept your identity over time. 

So with that out of the way, I have a few tips for you. Gain knowledge, and be ready to tackle any questions they may have. Whether it be telling the difference between biological sex and gender, sometimes answering questions and explaining can help a lot. If they don’t believe in more than two genders, start with asking them to use your pronouns if they’re different, or your preferred name, or explain that gender is a spectrum and sometimes people feel masculine, feminine, both, or neither. Starting small can be a good thing. Asking them to respect your beliefs, while also being mindful of theirs and that this is knew to them, maybe you can change their mind. Sometimes, that doesn’t happen, however coming out can go many different ways. If they don’t believe in more than two genders, but will respect your pronouns or whatever you ask, that’s a great first step! If not, don’t feel discouraged because you know who you are and God loves you and will help you. The love of family is very strong and can overcome a lot. Your body, gender identity, and gender expression can all be different, this may be a place to start explaining. After all that, if they don’t accept you, it may seem like it’s the end of the world, but trust me it’s not. They may come around, they may not but you’ll always have people there for you. Families are very important and hopefully yours will be accepting. 

-mod Jace

[violetemerald]

Kissing Aversion, but Demi-Sensual About Other Touch

This is my entry for the May 2017 Carnival of Aces, which I hosted and chose to theme around "Kissing, Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, etc!". The call for submissions is here. I'm sorry this post is so long. I'm sort of overflowing with thoughts. Also this was written in one sitting late at night so please feel free to point out errors. This has been cross-posted to my WordPress blog.

I don't feel like I need touch in my life much at all, most of the time.

That being said, I have the ability to really like it. In a kinda demi-sensual kind of way, if that's a thing. (I'm 100% asexual, no grayness there, no sexual attraction, but if I have a lot of trust-feelings for you, like a LOT of positive feelings about our relationship, then there is a pretty good chance I'll like touch.)

I am comfortable but fairly neutral with touch when it comes to me and small children. (They can still cross boundaries that make me uncomfortable, such as making me take off my glasses and then I feel overly vulnerable, which kind of happened to me a week and a half ago with a 3 year old in my extended family lol.) I don't crave touch from small children - I crave other types of attention from children, I want to make them happy, I love the emotional reaction they can have to me at times, but I'm not overly touchy feely unless they initiate it. I am much more comfortable holding babies than holding any animal though.

With people who are peers though, fellow young adults, or from older family members... I can have positive associations with touch!

I have such a visceral aversion to hugs from strangers, and even with friends and family I'm not necessarily skilled at hugging because I so rarely practice the act so people think I'm uncomfortable sometimes when I'm actually not really, but my touch-aversion is quite selective and if I like a person a lot, hugging them can be the one type of touch I find myself actually yearning for, fantasizing about briefly even, or something I relish for the moment it's happening.

It's not a romantic thing for me, no kind of touch is, not really. When I say I like a person a lot, I mean "like" in the broadest sense. They could be friends, family, romantic partner, whatever.

The only things that "Feel romantic" to me tend to be language-related, or broad traditions around times like Valentine's day, lovey-dovey sappiness, using words like "girlfriend" or "boyfriend"... idk.

Weirdly, I conceptualized intimacy really strongly in my head as a not necessarily romantic thing really early on, and a lot of types of things can feel somewhat "intimate" to me, can make me feel really bonded more than ever with people. Most often it's conversation related, not necessarily "sharing secrets" but sharing really personal stories with the intention of building on the relationship with more of those types of conversations later on down the line. I only feel like I "love" someone - an aunt or uncle or cousin, a friend, etc - if I have a pretty high degree of intimacy with them.

Certain kinds of touch feel really intimate to me too. The first guy I ever tried dating, at the end of our (wonderfully emotionally intimate, conversation-heavy) first date, kissed my cheek. It felt so intimate, I felt like a flutter through my body and a rush of... something in my chest, a blush. I'd been on OkCupid for months and after messaging back and forth with him decided I was ready for my first date ever, and it was such a success. I mainly just did things I'd do with new friends, except I didn't have any experiences yet, post college, as an adult making new friends. I just did whatever felt natural and comfortable to try to get to know him better and get him to know me better and it felt like everything was going right.

On our second date, all touch didn't feel intimate at all. It felt bad. Uncomfortable. Forced. This same guy I felt SO intimate with did thing after thing to ruin my positive feelings for him. He betrayed me in multiple ways - being VERY late for the date, forcing me to walk way more than I physically was able and causing me extreme pain and exhaustion, implying he knew the restaurant we were going to was good from his personal experience and then it turning out he'd never been there, not being flexible and being willing to see ANY other movie when the one he wanted to see was sold out so instead making me stand (still in pain) for a long time while he looked up on his phone other theaters and called to see if the movie wasn't sold out. And then on top of this disastrous date he touched me repeatedly. A lot of that walking was holding hands, and it was I think all about walking around the city with PDA and I hated that. Publicly declaring "we're a couple" in a physical way probably is never gonna be a thing I'm comfortable with, and it didn't feel natural, it was beyond awkward, and it was sweaty, and my hand started to cramp. Plus it felt really juvenile since despite this being my first foray into romance, I was already 22 years old.

And then he kissed me. At the end of that entire night, he started making out with me (I don't really like the term French kissing but yes, that, with tongue) in public on a sidewalk at night. There weren't that many people around. It being in public was oddly extremely low on my list of things that made that uncomfortable. Who cares what other people around might be thinking when I was a wreck, had literally just slept through most of a movie in a theater because I was so exhausted, and had no idea how to kiss, and I didn't know what he was thinking, and didn't know what I was thinking about the kiss yet either. One of us asked to "try again" after we pulled away and walked a few more paces of sidewalk. I knew I must be kissing wrong, this was... not pleasurable and beyond awkward. He asked if this was my first time ever kissing anyone and was shocked when I admitted it was, and I was frustrated because he should've known that already if he'd paid close attention to my dating profile. But I was mainly mortified.

I had completely repressed any inkling that I might be asexual until that night. I had probably first come across asexuality years earlier. I also had only a few months prior binge watched the entire series of House M.D. and took the ace-erasure episode in stride without even thinking anything of it lol. But after THAT KISS, the fact that asexuality existed came immediately back to my mind, and I couldn't really shake it, however hard my internalized anti-ace sentiments tried to push it away. I really felt sure that this kiss felt exactly how fictional media had shown me "kissing the wrong gender" felt for monosexual (gay or straight) folks, or like kissing a sibling even, someone with whom you had no attraction. I was jump-started into questioning my entire sexuality that night, and I couldn't help myself from crying on the metro in public on the ride home.

I researched how to kiss.

http://www.wikihow.com/Kiss-a-Boy and http://www.wikihow.com/French-Kiss were literally web pages I visited.

I asked my brother what kissing felt like the first time and if it got better. I went on a third date with the guy where we had a time crunch and he brought me back to his apartment after dinner in a restaurant. He wanted me to take off my shoes and the literal moment I finished, while I was standing in what I felt was a really awkward position near our shoes, he leaned in to try to kiss me for the first time since our second date. I wanted to give kissing him another chance but not like that. He wanted to kiss me while we were watching a movie sitting on separate chairs because he didn't have a couch, too. And he also wanted me to definitely follow the plot. I said unless we paused the movie I was going to miss the plot, come on now. But we didn't have time to finish the movie if we paused it, I was on a deadline to get back to the metro before it closed for the night lol. So I never ended up kissing this guy again.

But almost a full year later, the third guy I tried dating, I kissed a lot. Always in private. Always in much more comfortable positions. We cuddled a lot too which was moderately pleasant but it wasn't as intimate for me as it was for him, and for him it often was psuedo-sexual and super-romantic, both things that made me really uncomfortable. This guy was my first boyfriend, I got past just dates and into relationship status with him. He held my hand in private while we were cuddling too. Cuddling... it felt frustratingly stifling some of the time, but it was so much better than kissing, and I might not have been quite identifying as asexual yet but I was HEAVILY questioning throughout our whole relationship and researching asexuality like every single day and I... I knew I was somewhere on the asexual spectrum from our second date when we tried kissing. I felt guilty for being asexual, for not liking kissing when he did like it, for always pulling away and kinda hating kissing actually, etc etc... so I think cuddling with him was an unspoken compromise I was doing, rather than anything I really wanted.

Honestly though, being that close to him was... maybe something I was indifferent to, because I wasn't that emotionally intimate with him, so I didn't have the necessary prerequisite to really want it. Kasey Weird mentioned in their submission for this carnival,

the best cuddling very much is a non-verbal dialogue of sorts: it’s active, and responsive to each other.

and I had an epiphany reading that that yes, yes it is, that's what I was lacking back in 2013 when I did this cuddling with my boyfriend, that's what I actually like about snuggling up against my dad or my brother when we're watching TV and it's cold and we're tired, on rare occasions, that we do it in some kind of "sync" with one another, and it's less all-consuming of my body or theirs, and it's something I basically have never really gotten a chance to try with someone I feel entirely safe with since being an adult and it becoming a lot less socially "appropriate" to do it with family. I didn't feel 100% safe with my boyfriend in 2013, because I knew all along he desired me sexually, and I have always been sex-averse even if I didn't know it. Being the cause of arousal and the star of fantasies felt kind of like a violation of sorts, and in some ways just existing around him made me feel guilty. I think he was a great person and I was remarkably safe with him, he was letting me call the shots, he was understanding about my asexuality, he was patient and passive in many ways, but even so, I didn't end up getting a chance to explore very much at all in terms of romantic actions or sensual/physical things with him. Our cuddling was kind of boring and not really my style. Same with our hand-holding. I decided I never want to hold hands "just to hold hands" ever again after that relationship, just like I decided cuddling really wasn't all that it was cracked up to be, and I was definitely not going to be having sex or kissing more people.

Rachel mentioned in the guest post submission this month:

But knowing that I supposed to be feeling something positive, and getting nothing from it internally, no matter how sincerely-intended the gesture, makes touch a dissonant and hollow experience.

And it's just... SO TRUE. Like wow. That's how I was feeling. Throughout so much of my relationship with my boyfriend, and even with the first guy I dated, especially, especially, when it came to kissing, which I knew was supposed to be positive, I'd built up for a decade that kissing was... Okay so like a couple days ago I saw this "first line" generator to help you with your fiction writing endeavors going around tumblr: http://writingexercises.co.uk/firstlinegenerator.php and I kid you not, the first line I generated was:

The kiss reminded him of chemistry lessons in school, when if the right two elements were put together, they'd explode.

Now I know kissing is not always like that for allosexual people, but I think it must sometimes be, and it's not even in the realm of possible for me. My kissing aversion is 100% a part of how I experience my sexual orientation. This isn't about romance. I am asexual, and this kind of kiss described just... sounds sexual to me. Anything about "chemistry" between people feels sexual to me, unless maybe you're talking about actors having great chemistry, sometimes that can be like... people can observe squishes (which are platonic) from the first meeting of two actors or something similar.

I really really crave acknowledgement that not liking kissing at all is a part of the asexual experience for not just me but for a lot of people. I'm tired of headcanons (including my own) where "it doesn't matter" that a character is shown passionately kissing a partner or many partners because they 'could' still be asexual anyway. No I want kissing aversion to actually be shown on TV at some point. I want to read fanfiction where asexual characters aren't written as thinking kissing is amazing. I want my version of asexuality represented! Where even cuddling is complicated and fraught at times. I don't care about the characters' romantic orientations that much. I care about the aspects of the asexual experience that would resonate strongly with me, like realizing you might be asexual from the awful/hollow/confusing experience of kissing alone.

I don't necessarily want it to all be clear-cut romance-repulsion either, though! "Ew, gross, why would anyone want to kiss or say I love you or build a life with a partner" isn't really an experience that resonates with me either. I told my queerplatonic partner I love him, I felt in love with him, and I would love to one day get married, probably wearing some color that isn't white, definitely not kissing in front of family or friends or at any point in whatever relationship I end up in.

Besides, I get why people want to kiss. It feels different for them than it does for me. They like that feeling.

I know I'm not alone in how I feel about kissing.

This Reddit thread from a year ago titled

Any other Asexuals here dislike kissing?

started off with:

I've tried so hard to enjoy kissing but all it feels is wet and slobbery and overall unpleasant. Anyone else have similar feelings? I feel so alone about this.

And I hate that so many of us feel so alone about this! I've felt alone in this on-and-off since I was 22 years old. I am 27 now.

People replied to that poster with:

My mind wanders off to something else, such as dinner plans, or why we're even doing this because it's gross, etc.

or

A short peck is all right with me and is about the limit of intimacy to which I can go, anything more and it just gets repulsing and uncomfortable.

There was:

Can't bring myself to even try an open-mouthed kiss

and

This is part of what made me feel like something was wrong with me for so many years

and even

YES. I hate kissing

These were all different people's answers! And if you look at these 14 narratives of asexuals describing dating collected from around the internet, all of the references to kissing are negative!

They include... well... @redbeardace mentioned in his narrative

here

that:

I didn’t feel anything when I kissed her.

Anwen:

She explains: 'Holding hands is as far as I would ever take anything. For me [sex is] just revulsion, it really is. Just, ugh, no. [Cuddling] – that’s OK. Not kissing.’

Julie Sondra Decker (/ @swankivy ) was interviewed for Salon:

She wasn’t attracted to her first boyfriend but kissed him anyway “because I was expected to,” she says.

The first boy was basically an experiment, I guess, because I’d never been asked out before and I figured I’d see what it was like, but all I found out was that we didn’t have much in common and I didn’t like French kissing.

Cathy Roberts, asexual lesbian mentions:

I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to even kiss my boyfriends, let alone have sex with them.

(Unsure if she ever decided she likes kissing women. It's not mentioned there either way.)

Her quote reminds me of another issue, the relationship escalator and steps and how "okay, maybe not sex but AT LEAST KISSING" is really really expected, really early on.

I know some asexual people like kissing, especially many gray-asexual people.

But I wish more asexuals acknowledged that being asexual often can translate into not only sex-aversion, but relatedly kissing-aversion. Kissing without attraction should be understood to be "no fun".

My dad and my brother can't understand how any aces, people who don't feel sexual attraction, could possibly enjoy making out. To both of those straight men in my life kissing is pretty inherently sexual.

But then again, there's this one other touch thing that I think is linked to sexuality for a lot of folks, but it wasn't for me. At an ace meetup once, we were in a restaurant in a kinda cramped part of the floor, and I think we were all getting ready to leave and standing up. One of my (asexual, of course) friends in the group wanted to get by me to head to the restrooms and without really thinking he very gently touched the small of my back as he walked by. And it just felt so intimate, like that kiss on my cheek did years prior. And I just knew it was not a sexual feeling. I don't have sexual feelings. I'm sure of that now. I just really am a non-sexual person in every possible sense. I'm not actually like your average ace. But it was something positive, kinda like butterflies, kinda like "you're in my personal space and it's not a bad thing for once and wow, I don't actually mind this at all", and it's not like I really was craving more of it. It's just like. I was surprised that I could have that kind of reaction to that kind of touch. I was surprised I would notice to such a degree and I would feel that way.

I think maybe I can viscerally understand "electricity" at skin-to-skin contact with the right person, and I think if it's brief and a fleeting touch rather than holding on/cuddling, that's when that kind of "spark" of "oo, physical intimacy" could happen for me. I don't see it as necessarily romantic in part because I feel like it could happen for me with family members or friends who I'm really just fine being "just" friends with and all sorts of folks. (I don't see it as sexual for hopefully obvious-by-now reasons.)

I felt really validated when in this Shameless US fanfiction story which I recorded into a podfic

back in December contained these sentences:

It seemed like Mickey couldn’t keep his hands off Ian most of the time. Most of the time, it wasn’t even sexual. Mickey was always knocking shoulders with Ian when they passed in the hallway or hooking an ankle around Ian’s while they sat at the kitchen table or wrapping a gentle hand around Ian’s wrist when they were alone.

I like the idea that this kind of touch isn't sexual even for allosexual people, at least some of the time.

Almost exactly one decade ago (ah I'm getting so old lol), on a very traumatic and memorable day of my life, my mom wanted to hug me one minute, and a stressful and rushed minute or two later she was yelling instructions at her boyfriend to prevent me from escaping the house, which included her shouting that he should call 911 on me. (He didn't.) That minute prior she successfully hugged my brother, who didn't hug her back, but I could not just stand there and let her hug me.

I testified in front of a jury a year later that I refused to let her hug me, and when prompted by my dad's defense attorney clarified it was because she was abusive.

My touch aversion in most cases without a lot of trust first is likely very tied to all the physical abuse my mom inflicted on me over the years, things that didn't usually leave marks (although, yes, I had a couple scratches that drew blood on my hand or forearm, like the one that caused a middle school science teacher to ask if a cat scratched me as he handed me the bandaid I requested). But things were quite violent in many ways. My mom was a master at abusive power dynamics and using her physical presence to terrorize. She trapped me in corners by holding onto the walls around me so that she wasn't touching me at all, she pulled my hair so hard it knocked the glasses off my head repeatedly, she spit on me, she dumped a bowl of cereal on me, she ripped a beloved bracelet off my wrist, she threw the cordless landline so hard the battery compartment came apart COUNTLESS times after "speaking to" (screaming at) my dad and getting angry, and she'd yell to me to pick up the batteries and put the phone back together. Etc, etc. But like I said, it's been a decade. And I am in many ways past a lot of the complicated stuff I had to grow up with. I have had enough practice with social rituals of hugging that I first leaned in to hug Robert's dad when I saw him about 2.5 weeks ago, only the second time I'd ever met him, the first being over a year prior. I am more comfortable with myself than ever, in some ways.

(By the way, I linked to a Shameless fandom fic & podfic above, and in season 1 of that TV show, Debbie and Lip avoid hugging their toxic mother in a way that couldn't be closer to my own reaction to my mother wanting to hug me. This series has plenty of things for a person like me to latch onto... despite not really being ace-friendly...)

I don't actually feel like my touch aversion is necessarily tied to my asexuality at all, in fact, the more I think about it, and I also don't know if I'm even touch-averse anymore. I think I only feel comfortable saying I'm sex-averse and kissing-averse.

My queerplatonic partner recently broke up with me, but a few days before he did, we got to see each other for the first time since November. He'd been on a 6 month Civillian contractor deployment to Afghanistan. We got "back together" as qpp's in December, and around the end of January I started craving hugging him again, a feeling I'd only had around May last year while we were together the first time, kinda wanting brief contact with him. These feelings I shared with him this time, in January, and he said he wanted to hug me too and when we finally saw each other in May, we embraced for a brief second, and my face was in his shirt, on his chest... and it was something I wished could've lasted a few seconds longer. It felt comfortable and warm and just... nice.

I like the idea of one day having a new queerplatonic partner and getting to try touch a little more than just what I did with my last queerplatonic partner, which at our most intimate was sharing a blanket while watching a movie, being in a car together for hours, giving each other gifts, and allowing him to foot my bill when we were alone together a high percentage of the time (in part because I was unemployed and he had plenty of money in comparison... this was actually one of the most "Romantic" feeling things he did around me/for me/to me and it generally made me somewhat uncomfortable).

My fear though is that I will end up being more touch averse than I know at this current moment and really, no touch is what I want, and what if my future partner wants a lot more touching than I can comfortably provide in our relationship?? I'm really quite content without touch. If the person I end up with never wants to be hugged, never wants to touch at all, that would be fine. I was entirely ready to spend the rest of my life with Robert* and he and I didn't exactly have a relationship with any meaningful degree of touch.

I imagine a few potential futures for myself. I imagine giving up on trying to find a co-parenting partner if I have to and figuring out a way to make fostering work while single, and I imagine still making an effort to keep up a level of non-physical intimacy with friends and family as much as possible. With as many friends and family members as possible!! I imagine I won't be happy if I don't try to be a parent, but I can totally be happy without touch. And I'll be really happy I never had to compromise and you know, kiss anyone ever again. :P

Or I imagine finding a person who I do partner with, possibly a poly arrangement even, so many possibilities as yet unseen. Someone I certainly don't kiss (or have sex with). Someone who understands that my relationship with romantic orientation and romantic feelings and romantic coded actions can be complicated. Someone who I have a high degree of emotional intimacy with but who I may not touch at all, or who I may touch more than I ever imagined I would. I really just don't know.

Then again, I think I'd really really like building a family with someone who hugs me to comfort me when I'm emotionally overwhelmed. I don't think I need it, at all. But I think it would be nice. Because I haven't had the chance to have that with anyone other than aunts and uncles at my grandmother's funeral this past December (this was the trauma of their sister, my mom, being there and being herself that inspired the amazing hug stuff that made me feel engulfed in love), or back 8 years ago almost to the day when on the worst day of my life I had to be responsible for figuring out how to bail my dad out of jail, after my mom accused him of assault with his car (so assault with a deadly weapon), and he hugged me at the end of all of it. And it was kind of the most amazing feeling, like you need to have the worst day of your life before you can have the most powerfully comforting hug of your life, okay?? :P

And it'd be nice to be with a partner where I might do the same for them, if that was their style, if they were not a touch-averse person in these kinds of moments. I've never had a partner be that degree of emotionally vulnerable with me, and when my partners have been somewhat emotionally vulnerable I've never known what to do or say. But I want to get to a point where I might be able to be a comfort. Maybe physically! I know my instinct when my cousin's father died 3.5 years ago and he was 100% hysterically upset in the immediate aftermath was for me to just keep touching or trying to hug him as much as I could, it was complicated and my dad was doing this too on his other side. We were trying to get him to calm down at the same time too, I guess. Also after his eulogy for his dad, I was so proud of him. (He's 7 years younger than me btw, so that's part of the context of our relationship.) I told him I was proud of him and I hugged him, and I just... I needed the hug to convey my sympathy and love and pride through this physical touch, and I never had touched him this much before, but I already had a lot of the emotional intimacy framework, and he is not a person who's averse to touch, so this ended up being my "love language" in this kind of moment?

I found so many of the submissions this month to be thought-provoking and relateable. I wrote a ridiculously long essay here that should've been broken up into multiple blog posts and that repeats a lot of information already conveyed in previous posts on this blog, dating back to 2014. But. I'm really happy to get it all out here.

Despite my sadness (and anger, and confusion, etc) over my recent breakup, which... I will talk about more in a future blog post... the combination of last month's "Parenthood" carnival and this month's carnival has left me feeling more hopeful than I might've expected at the potential to find a partner who is truly compatible with me in all the ways, in terms of also being kissing & sex averse, of not necessarily needing a heavy cuddling life, in terms of wanting adoptive parenthood, etc!

And if nothing else, I also feel more inspired than ever to try to write some kind of fiction - okay almost definitely just fanfiction for the near future, but maybe I'll branch into original fiction if I get brave?? - that captures kissing-aversion (and sometimes complicated relationships to touch) in the characters! I really crave representation so badly that I think I need to forge a few of these kinds of things myself and I'm kind of excited to do so. I feel like I'm at a new chapter of my life, especially because of my breakup perhaps, but also just this being the year I finally am employed and... writing fiction is going to be a part of this. I know a lot of real aces out there need this. Is it weird that I'm smiling already at the potential, and the truth that the aces in my writing will hate kissing?

[veryotl]

sorry for the kind of dumb question (there isn't much about it on the interweb and i'm not sure if you've answered it before) but do you think there's any underrated ships in svt or just members who are still awkward around each other? i mean i would totally buy the fact that they're all very close but idk groups that are genuinely close on screen and off screen are largely what ends up making me stan them. thank you!

Seventeen are really pretty close, which always surprises me, but most people don’t count for the sheer amount of ships. Most people don’t realize that there are a dozen ships that don’t work well. There’s like… Excuse my sad math skills… Something like 78 possible ships of two people in Seventeen. Some match together naturally, such as same age pairs like SoonHoon or Jihan, or friends like Meanie couple. But do you ever hear anything about… I don’t know… Seungkwan and The8? For simplicity sake, I’ll go over a few ships that do interact a fair bit but I still find a little awkward. After that I’ll do one or two unappreciated ships. 

DK + S.Coups (I am told this is SeokCheol) - Seungcheol literally gets along with everyone. He’s a fantastic leader. But DK has the type of personality that can be a little difficult without a balancing piece such as Hoshi. His playfulness can be a little over the top and his jokes can be a little hard to understand, but I think Seungcheol ultimately tries really hard to have a good relationship with him. This couple is best when they’re playing, but Seungcheol is still doing most of the directing, like in One Fine Day when they were playing Real Man. 

Jeonghan + Wonwoo (Wonhan… I think) - This one is actually based less on my opinion and more on what they say. Very often, Jeonghan points out Wonwoo as the member he’s most awkward with and vice versa, however they’re actually a really cute ship if you look at it. They both have the tendency to be clingy and love the concept of both getting and receiving attention, although Jeonghan will go out of his way to try and get it and he’s very open in giving it and Wonwoo mostly only likes attention when it comes from someone he’s close to and only gives it away when he really enjoys the person as well. It’s possible the similarities cause a slight disconnect between the two, making Wonwoo seem closed off to Jeonghan and Jeonghan too open and frivolous to Wonwoo, but at the end of the day they both speak a similar language so it’s easy for them to agree on things if they take the time to listen to the other, making them a cute back and forth ship to follow.

Joshua - Honestly, I couldn’t really find one for Joshua… He’s a little shy, but less in the way that he’s quiet and introverted and more in the way that he has a set group of people he generally interacts with. He’ll interact a lot with Jeonghan and Scoups and Vernon and a little with Jun and Hoshi, but for the most part. he doesn’t interact with people outside his usual circle enough to consider it a really strong ship? Well, there’s one, but i’m saving that for the unappreciated ships section.

Jun + Hoshi (Soon…Hui. Soonhui?) - The other end of the spectrum from Soonhoon, who get along well naturally because they’re a similar age and are able to speak freely, are Jun and Hoshi. They get along well and work together well, however unlike most of Hoshi’s close friendships, Jun doesn’t really play off of Hoshi’s gags. They’re still a ship in their own right and they work well together, but Jun’s quiet but freespirited personality who prefers more personal teasing such as the way he plays with The8 conflicts sometimes with Hoshi’s general playfulness and occasional seriousness about work and responsibility. This ship I think are very much like brothers or coworkers who aren’t best friends but will still up for a drink whenever. 

Jeonghan + Woozi (Ji…Jeong… Ah… HoonHan?) - One of the things that makes Jeonghan’s ships interesting is either because he enjoys to give and take attention (as in Jihan) or he’s very caring and treats each member like his little child (Jeonghan and Dino). However, with Woozi, he really doesn’t have much of either. As his unit leader, Woozi is in a position higher than him, but still younger. This can cause a little conflict, but in general Jeonghan is a very laid back personality and doesn’t make it an issue. Some things Jeonghan does can annoy Woozi too, but in general the two have a very amicable and sometimes even close relationship. It can sometimes be awkward though.

Mingyu + Wonwoo (Meanie) - Whaaaat? Meanie couple are still awkward with each other? Well, one of the first things I wrote up a long time ago was why Jicheol was awkward with each other, and that was because of their adjustment to debut and the new roles they played. I think Meanie went through and is still a little in the process of something similar. They’re very close and a very great ship, but instead of offscreen being awkward with each other I think they’re more awkward on screen, adjusting to the amount of attention and interest their friendship garners. Joshua and Jeonghan naturally acclimated very easily to the Jihan craze, but for Mingyu and Wonwoo it’s not so easy. Their friendship is very natural to them, and when it’s strained, Mingyu might put too much pressure on himself and Wonwoo might pull away completely. However, they’re working through the awkwardness well, and starting to become closer because of it.

The8 - Like Joshua, I really can’t find a ship for him that is very awkward? He doesn’t move outside of his friend group much (Mingyu, Jun, Vernon) but when he does most of his interactions (like Seungkwan) are very friendly and nice. Everyone in the group adores him. Yes, he’s a savage. But an adorable, lovable savage. Plus, the language gap makes it a little hard to discern understanding vs awkwardness as well.

Seungkwan + DK (Seokkwan is all I’m finding. Otherwise main vocal line) - This is another ship that’s kind of big but I still find awkward. Seungkwan and Hoshi get along well, and Hoshi and DK of course make Soonseok, but when you remove Hoshi from the equation, you’re left with DK and Seungkwan alone. While they play together well, I think there’s an amount of awkwardness that comes naturally from the positions of both being main vocals, as well as the fact that Seungkwan and DK are both of similar interests and personalities but Seungkwan is appreciated as talented and charismatic while DK is very often awkward and unappreciated. However, I also find that a lot of this awkwardness is relieved by the fact that they’re also similar in their heart - kind and considerate, and Seungkwan worries about wether compliments to himself will hurt DK, but DK still works to say that he’s the one who needs to improve and won’t take it out on Seungkwan. While they can both be awkward and a little dangerous to get along, they work through it by just being there for one another and being considerate.

Vernon + Wonwoo (I’m told Wonsol. I like Wonnon much better, it makes me giggle) - This one is a bit interesting to explore, especially since I love the family dynamic of Hip Hop unit. While I really do find Hip Hop unit to be close, I think Vernon and Wonwoo are probably the most awkward pair in the unit, like an older brother who appreciates and supports his little brother but doesn’t exactly know how to interact with him to become closer. Vernon’s and Wonwoo’s senses of humor are both offbeat, but slightly out of step with one another, so it’s not easy for them to find a situation where they click naturally, and while Wonwoo admires Vernon and finds him an interesting person, I think Wonwoo might have a hard time approaching Vernon so he just mostly supports from the background. It’s very cute though. 

Dino + S.Coups (Chancheol?) - Interestingly enough, this ship isn’t terribly popular. Much like Vernon and Wonwoo, Dino and S. Coups should have this brotherly sort of dynamic, but instead it’s a reverse dynamic that makes it interesting, where Dino ends up being the serious one and Seungcheol ends up playful and wanting attention as if he’s the younger brother. Because of Dino’s manner and respect, he’s always very serious to Seungcheol and respectful, but Seungcheol wants to get on his level and so tries to be fun and playful. The dynamic is adorable, if a little awkward some times.

AND NOW, A SHORT JOURNEY INTO UNAPPRECIATED SHIPS

Jun/Wonwoo (Wonhui) - I wrote a little about it here but I was injured so its a little short and not very deep

Woozi/Joshua (Someone called this JiJi once?) - I LOVE THE DYNAMIC oF THESE TWO. They’re also a little awkward but I think they’re more under-appreciated. I think Joshua looks up to Woozi for his talent and Woozi thinks Joshua is cool and interesting to be with. They’re both very cute and I love the idea of the two of them asking each other’s advice on songs.

Hoshi/Jeonghan (Soonhan, I think?) - I don’t have much to say about this ship except it’s absolutely adorable and lighthearted and fun. 

Wonwoo/Hoshi (SOONWOO) - SOONWOO FREAKIN RISE MAN SOONWOO IS THE HIP NEW SHIP 

Mingyu/Seungkwan (Seunggyu? Like the infinite guy?) - Another adorable older brother/baby brother dynamic to me. Actually, I’ve made up my mind. more on that in a moment…

Mingyu/Seungcheol (Seung…gyu… wait) - Also known as the “PLEASE DATE ME” couple for real. Mr capables. There were so many moments on One Fine Day for this couple. Back to the last one, I’ve made up my mind that Seungcheol should be the oldest brother, Mingyu should be the middle kid, and Seungkwan should be the little brother they baby and absolutely adore. Yes. This is a cute little family. Perfect. 

There we go! I hope this was what you were looking for! I tried not to leave anyone out. Props to The8 and Joshua for apparently getting along with everyone? Hey, maybe they should be stuck together for the awkward couple title.