#also i don't like to perceive myself so i'm sure ppl who know me at least fairly well would assign me

[philosophiums]

Hello Sam look at me swooping in on time (ish) can i I please know 1, 3 and 8?

When I see questions about 'who's your fave' vs. 'but who are you LIKE' Im always weirdly interested to see how alike or unlike they are

hi crow!!!! <3

1. first anime you ever watched

....i just had to do some Remembering about like. where i was living/what i was doing for like 5 of the earliest anime i can remember watching, and now i'm about 98% sure my first anime was Attack on Titan. i stopped watching after season 3 and won't ever finish it KJSBVKJDBVF sometimes i rewatch the levi vs kenny scene, though, bc my god is it gorgeous

3. favorite anime character

UHHHHHH...... god i don't????? i don't know????? i legitimately might not have one.... like i have A Favorite from every anime i've ever watched, but there aren't any that are popping into my head as all-time favorites. maybe bakugo mha? maybe akutagawa bsd? tsukishima hq? megumi jjk? hm i mean i guess if i want to judge my favorite based on how often i think about them i would say bakugo, tsukishima, and megumi are all at the top, but tsukishima has been a fave for longer, megumi is part of my current obsession, and bakugo has only been on my mind for about the last two years huh. i honestly don't know. i can't give a good answer to this KJDSBVKJDBVD

8. anime character you are most like

man.... i don't know..... KSJDBVKJDFVBDFV i'm a bit like megumi (logical thinker, not super emotional, unless pressured for More will only put in as much effort as necessary). i'm also a bit like ukai hq (not a teenager KJSBVKJSBV, smoker, lighthearted but competitive, good at explaining things but does NOT want to be a teacher). and a little bit like atsushi bsd (childhood trauma made me just want to be kind, socially awkward, does not know how to handle pda, nervous around authority figures). little column a, little column b, etc KSJBVDKJFVB

anime asks

[girlstressed]

advice column: my roommate is boy obsessed and it's kind of driving me up the wall. she calls it "husband fever" (like baby fever) and this fine, whatever, to each their own, i support women's rights and wrongs, etc. but she won't stop trying to do the same for me. my guy friend ordered me sushi as a thank you for carrying him through a coding project and she basically kept doing a conversation equivalent of "ooooooooooo do you like him", like the shit they do in middle school. she kept asking me multiple questions like if i wanted to date him or if i thought he was cute (one no should suffice. like stop asking) and it's irritating. i (mostly) like my roommate and i tolerate it, but i can't stand when she doesn't listen to me.

i think the overarching issue is that i hate having to explain myself to people who are so obsessed with romance it's almost inconceivable for men and women to be friends if one of them isn't gay. am i in the wrong here?? i'm so sick of having to be on edge every time i try to talk about a friend that happens to be a dude. not only is is really amatonormative, i just think it's tacky to think of men as some strange separate entity that can only ever be useful for dating/marriage/sex. they're just people. he's my friend. there is nothing else to it.

omg i get you SO BAD anon men and women can definitely be friends without there being an ounce of romance between them even if neither of them is gay! idk why but there are so many people i know that act like everytime i spend time with a guy it's romantic

i'm sure your friend means well (we all have that one matchmaker friend) but i can definitely understand her questions grating on you...i think honestly the best course of action is to be assertive and let her know very very clearly that you don't have interest in the sushi guy (and/or any of your other guy friends)—something along the lines of "hey, on a serious note i really don't like when you insinuate that there's something going on between me and xyz. i also dont feel this way about any of my guy friends, and it makes me uncomfortable when you water our relationship down to something that's leading to a romantic one" -> i get not wanting to be confrontational (i also am not a big fan of confrontation) but i sincerely believe your roommate doesn't hate you enough to continue something you explicitly say you dislike, my best guess is that rn she kind of sees it as teasing but if you make your boundaries clear she wont have issues with not crossing them :)

on the topic of every relationship you have with the opposite gender being like, perceived as romantic...i hate this!!! some of my most fulfilling and closest relationships are with women but equally so men—when i say that i dont have romantic feelings for my female best friend ppl will be way more inclined into believing it than if i said the same about my male best friend, yk? i think like you said it comes down to "having a man" kind of being seen as a status symbol rather than an actual person + the rise of "my boy best friend" content on tiktok and ig...all we can do is keep our intentions clean, my friend, and carry on!

[booksandpaperss]

some ramble-y thoughts on men's social isolation and women's safety bc this has been on my mind for a bit

I do think it's really sad how men end up feeling so isolated bc of various social expectations as well as people being cruel, but as a fem presenting person I have to say that you can't just expect women and anyone who is fem presenting to just "start being nicer". ive seen a few posts on Tumblr essentially stating that but I have to reiterate it is about safety. I literally cannot afford to stop looking at men with caution and assumed violence until I get to know them really well bc if I stop that could genuinely cost me me life. its true that most men I see probably are not predators and im sure it hurts to be perceived that way, but I have no way of being able to tell who is and isn't going to harm me. I have to assume the worst because it is the only way I can stay safe.

it sucks, it really does, for all parties involved. I have so much sympathy for the men who are genuinely kind and would never hurt me that feel isolated, it isn't fair, and I myself certainly don't enjoy the *necessary* fear that the random guy im passing on the street could see me and decide to hurt me, but this is the reality of the world. there is no easy solution, but what certainly isn't a solution is expecting women to start being kinder to men they dont know because once again: that could genuinely cost someone their life.

The best solution right now I think is to continue to try to deconstruct misogyny and gender roles, and that takes time, patience, and understanding.

I have also seen the notion on here that men feeling isolated socially is misandry, but the reality is that misandry is simply not real on a systemic scale. men feeling isolated is a direct result of the patriarchy and a side affect of misogyny. a lot of things on this website that are perceived as misandry are either not real problems or they are but they're just the impacts of misogyny and the gender roles that come with it.

But it is very surreal to be walking alone at night, clutching my pepper spray and glaring whenever a man I don't know is near me, making sure to stay next to the street and make it obvious I know exactly where I'm going and still feeling the fear that it might not be enough and something horrible could happen to me anyway, only come back to Tumblr and see people saying misandry is just as prevalent as misogyny and women need to start considering how it feels for men to be looked at like they're predators. Touch grass seems like an applicable statement here.

oh and obligatory piss on the poor tumblr disclaimer: I know I am using binary terms so before any of you get on your high horse about it, I myself am non binary. I am not actually a woman, but I certainly look like one and therefore deal with misogyny. I fully understand that trans men and genderqueers of all kinds as well as even feminine cis men also fear for their life on the street so dont even think abt getting on my ass about that. oh and if any of you try to call this a terf post consider yourself blocked with a recommendation to get a refresh on what terf actually means instead of just throwing around the term when you see any post trying to talk about misogyny :D

final disclaimer bc I wanna cover all my bases due to Tumblr reading comprehension: im aware topics like this are very nuanced with lots of layers, please dont act like im obligated to cover all that in a random Tumblr post of all things, I cannot possibly cover everything nor am I obligated to. I simply wanted to remind ppl that actual lives are at risk and fem presenting people constantly and regularly fear for their life bc I feel like that gets left out a lot in conversations like this on here. <3

[chocolate-failure]

🐿🐲🐶⛰️🍗🐥🐈‍⬛🐻

163

Idk... I went to the ateez concert and really enjoyed it. I dressed up and looked nice. I worked really hard on the fit and made alterations to stuff I bought, it was mostly light sewing but I feel like my hair alone is a feat to most. I do my own hair and I'm exceedingly proud of this particular style. I used a technique where you feed in additional hair in the braid as you're braiding for the first time and it came out really nice. I did a really good job and put a bunch of effort and thought into the outfit.

Yet I feel fucking horrible.

I saw my ribs for the first time in a long ass time this past weekend. Not just when I raise my arms cuz of course that doesn't count. It was ungodly fucking hot and of course I ended up not eating anything all day and having limited water cuz the venue makes it hard af to stay hydrated after they call you in and line you up. But it's kinda wild to think 163lbs/74kg is when my ribs are visible. I'm a large mfkr. Not crazy big but big enough to feel dysphoric surrounded by a bunch of tiny people who wish they were as big as me. I think that's part of the reason the VAV concert had me so fuckin stressed. I was also stressed cuz I was looking these dudes in the eye when I remember them being so much taller than me. I could've honestly cried. I haven't felt so ugly and oafish since middle school.

But I can see my ribs.

And that should be the only thing that matters, right? Idk... it feels like anytime I'm perceived by the world I want to fuckin die? Like being in the world and being known is so goddamn distressing. Someone took a pic of my car that went semi-viral which was p cool cuz I thought noone gave a shit about the things I did and made and think they do but as far as I understand I don't matter. Which like I kind of assumed but I got a lil excited to know that ppl thought my car looked cool that maybe idk ppl would be interested in other stuff I did and made. That was dumb. I'm not dumb but I have exceedingly dumb thoughts. I feel like that makes me a dumb person but I am constantly reminded that it doesn't. I don't know how. Not truly. I get that there is nuance and that life happens on a spectrum but at some point you get enough "dumb dumb" points that you're just a "dumb dumb".

I keep putting this down but the words in my head are circling, threatening to suffocate me within an inch of my life.

I've been on the cusp of screaming for decades.

I'm sick. I've been in bed for the past 3 days and I hate it. Since covid I get sick at the drop of a hat. Makes wanting to enter the world even less attractive when it poses a significant threat to both my mental and physical health. I do think I'd like to die. But like just so that I can't continue living this life. I hate this planet. I thought last night if aliens came and asked me if all of humankind should be eradicated, what would I say. I don't think we've done good for this planet outside of what we've done for ourselves, and I don't think our impact on ourselves is at a net positive. I don't think it's a matter of whether we deserve it, we never did and that's not the point. But I do think I'd be kind of an asshole to keep people from doing all the things they'd been planning for and anticipating. But being as mentally ill as I am I'm certainly not in a position to be making sweeping decisions for all of us. I'm not even sure if I'm one of us...

I know I don't matter, but it stings a little to be reminded so bluntly. I feel the need to reinvent myself. Recede into the shadows, form my fucking chrysalis, and emerge covered on my own shit. And not so much reinvent as evolve, but how much evolving can an individual inact before life's fabric rubs thin?

[genderqueerdykes]

Should someone be 100% sure they want to go on HRT before starting HRT? I honestly don't know where I'd categorize myself percentage wise, I feel I'm at least 50% sure but I'm also worried that it might be a mistake or not actually for me. I know there's nothing wrong with trying and finding out it's not for me and that there's nothing wrong with detransition and at the same time I feel I'll never know if I don't take the leap. Also my problems/dysphoria are mainly social; the way I'm perceived/gendered by others is a big thing for me so I'm not sure if that's something I should fix first--as in I shouldn't care about how others perceive me and know I'm me and my gender no matter what but also like because it's so important to me maybe I should try....????

Idk if that makes any sense but it's all a lot to think about. I've been doing my research and obviously I'll be having discussions with my provider before saying yea or nay but still.

I also realize and know you're not a medical professional nor can you really make this decision for me, I'm just looking to vent and just for any possible generic advice, maybe if you or a follower knows of anyone who has also been in a 50% sure area but started anyway.

i would say that yes, you should be as close to 100% sure that HRT is for you before deciding to start.

obviously not everyone can wait to weed everything else out n for some ppl the things that are changed by HRT are literally what they need- i really recommend figuring out what changes you want from transition and seeing what is the highest up on your list of priorities. if the effects you need the most to feel more like yourself come from HRT, then that sounds like a good plan, but it's still good to change what other things you can in the mean time

it's less like. about the transition aspects of it and more about your health, if you wanna think about it like that. hormones affect more than just the things we appreciate when we talk about transitioning medically, they also affect your ability to regulate your metabolism, blood sugar, blood pressure, bone density, energy levels, and so on. hormones are not strictly confined to reproductive health matters, they do affect your whole body, so it's best to truly figure out if a medical procedure is right for your transition before taking that plunge

what always helps is trying to seek out other people who have been on that hormone for a while and see how it has affected them, and see if those changes could potentially be right for you. more research is always better, and keep in mind that doubt is very normal and healthy. take care of yourself, best of luck in sorting it out!

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

[moonmitski]

hey so i'm a woman but i also like being male and being called a boy, and all the people i've ever been into have been omnigender (though one of them does call himself a lesbian) and i am really vibing with the word dyke but i'm not sure if i can call myself that? especially since i don't really identify with "lesbian"- it just feels too binary and i feel too. i hate the word but mannish for it

help?

okay so i’m no expert i’m just some dyke on the internet, but no one really is. only you can know your own experience and what feels comfy for you. yes you can call yourself a dyke but i’m gonna ramble some more

second off, relatable. i’m a woman who’s just masculine, and i like being perceived as much and i like ppl using he/him for me!

third off, lesbianism is not inherently binary. there are lots of nonbinary and trans lesbians, and many of whom are closer to manhood than womanhood! i really like the word lesbian because it centers women and my attraction to them, but it’s also inclusive of nonbinary people. also since i have a very not binary view of gender, i might sometimes be attracted to a man without realizing it (cis men who look like butches or transfems, trans men who don’t 100% pass, etc). whatever who cares gender is silly :p

forth off! yeah you can call yourself a dyke and not a lesbian! who cares! strict rules on queer identity is bad i think. it’s my opinion that anyone who even slightly feels wlw or simply vibes with dyke can say it. this world would be a more beautiful place with more dykery 😍

[kyungraeist]

the people who get mad abt self diagnosis come off to be the kind of ppl who dont want to see us being proud of who we are. many of the people who say that were "making autism a trend" are people who come off as simply not wanting to see autistic people or what they have to say. so much of the conversations around autistic people come from people who aren't autistic or from medical sources. because of this, the way people perceive autistic people is barely as people at all. so when they're faced with our humanity, it makes them uncomfortable because of their preconceived notions already surrounding autism. i'm a nonbinary lesbian, and the same kind of arguments are used consistently. they don't want us to be ourselves "out in the open" or they want to be completely separate from their lives. they don't understand us, and they don't want to, so they turn it on the oppressed as OUR fault.

more ranting under the cut...

also, the "rise of autism" is bullshit. we do live in an internet age, but that isn't always necessarily a bad thing. before, many people only assumed if they were autistic based off of stereotypes. that didn't mean people werent autistic. i have relatives who have gotten diagnosed as having adhd and dyslexia in their 60s because theres more information readily available about it. if this is true for my middle aged aunties, why is it not true for younger people? women, people who... aren't children, and poc are less likely to be diagnosed with adhd or autism because of assumptions that medical professionals have (i'm not gna talk abt that im sure we all know abt discrimination in the medical field). in my case, all of my aunties are middle-aged/elderly east asian women. even still, one of my aunties was told there was "no use in diagnosing her with autism because shes too old". it's bullshit. they're not even saying "you don't have autism", they're just straight up denying you access to diagnosis.

because it's well known that we are refused access to diagnosis, many people rely on self diagnosis, not just because we made it up, but because we've done thorough research on it, contemplated on our own behaviors, talked to other people who have autism/adhd/etc. i was able to self diagnose myself because i was friends with people who were neurodivergent, some of them who were professionally diagnosed and others who were self diagnosed. having people who have similar behaviors to you that attribute those behaviors to a more complex reason other than "im not good with humour" makes you think. self diagnosis isn't just someone waking up and thinking we have autism, it's something you deliberate on. besides, i think the active pushback on self diagnosis is simply because we're talking about it. many people self diagnose before getting professionally diagnose. you can't walk into a psychiatrist's office and they just tell you that you have autism (esp with the way our medical system works). people like me for example, self diagnose in order to acknowledge that we have this disability/disorder, and then later (sometimes, not everyone) get a professional diagnosis, or at least seek one. of all the things i have self-diagnosed myself with, i was never wrong. because self diagnosis isn't a joke.

self diagnosis isn't an epidemic, its a rising of people being able to know why they are the way they are.

if people want to point out one or two people who've "faked" diagnosis, it's suuuuuch bullshit. besides, sometimes in the MEDICAL WORLD people get misdiagnosed. i have no problem with people trying to figure out who they are, and making mistakes on the way. if someone thinks they have autism, then realize it might be adhd or ocd, that's fine and it's better than getting a professional misdiagnosis. theres so much misinformation and widespread stereotypes that make it hard for people to understand themselves, and many disorders have overlap. i have autism, adhd, and a learning disability (and have wondered almost my entire life if i have ocd lmao). autism can be similar to adhd can be similar to a learning disability. mental disabilities/disorders can be complex as fuck. for example, i have epilepsy, which is known to be more apparent in people with autism. when i tell people that its probably confusing as fuck. i dont understand it either.

because, not to get psychological, but our brains don't know they're autistic, or have adhd, or are neurotypical. WE know we are, because we take these things our brain does and attribute them to a label. because the world has made that label. im not calling it a label in a bad way, or saying its wrong, more to acknowledge that autism can be different for everyone, and that's because autism isn't one thing. its not one carbon copy brain that we all have. no one has the same brain. not entirely, and throughout our lives our brain develops and changes. my grandfather was older than the thing he got diagnosed with. doesn't mean he didn't have it. doctors just studied and studied and eventually were able to attribute behaviors to a unique diagnosis

i could rant on forever but im ending it here cus im tired

[what-if-nct]

hey bestie so tbh I have nowhere to go w/this cuz I don't have a lot of friends but I was wondering...what are your thoughts on pretty privilege?

I always felt it was true even if I didn't know the words to describe it. *pretty privilege is when you get special treatment solely/mostly based upon how good looking you are*

I feel it to be truer having had experienced being on both ends of having pretty privilege and not having it (never had it growing up, got it way far into adulthood so in adulthood is weird to be reminded how shallow ppl can be). But would love to know what you and your followers think if you want to talk about it? If not, is OK to ignore this ask ♡

Also** don't feel guilty if you never get pretty privilege or if you feel you did get special treatment for something shallow. Don't see your self worth or confidence through this lens! Acknowledge it exists and do your part to make all femmes and queers feel beautiful (is my motto)! 🌈💗

Hiii! And I absolutely believe it is true as well and it also goes hand in hand with thin privilege. Sadly if you are thin and conventionally attractive the world is kinder to you. I haven't really experienced pretty privilege. I don't consider myself pretty. I think I'm cute, sure. But not pretty just adorable and I'm fine with that. Though I have noticed that when I present myself a certain way I do get treated differently. And it's sad when you actually think about it. I grew up absolutely hating myself as a child because of how I was treated vs my sister who is thin, and light skinned and has longer hair. I've never felt pretty and was constantly reminded of it. Though at home my family did make it where i didn't feel that way at home, by the time I was ten I did not want to go to school. I loved learning but I didn't like being around people because of how I was treated.

But when we saw extended family they'd always tell me how pretty I was so I just only had a problem with school. As an adult for me it was more just being ignored which I'm fine with I do not want to be perceived please leave me alone. Also I always forget that I'm covered in deep visible self harm scars so it's kinda sad that when I notice people staring at me my brain automatically goes its cause I'm fat, ugly, I shouldn't exist and not oh I'm covered in visible scars , that never is a conclusion I have. It's obviously only about the way I look in a negative way. Growing up as the ugly one and being treated as so does really fuck up your brain. That as an adult I noticed that if you dress in alignment with the male gaze that's when you get more positive male attention. Vs when you dress more aligned with the female gaze it garners more positive female attention. And at first you do seek that validation that you've never had but you kinda end up going too far and you learn that outside validation is worthless and you were better off without it. And I'd rather just be ignored and here a woman yell your cute once in a while then bend over backwards trying to have people who don't matter find me pretty. It sucks pretty privilege exists, but others validation is not important. What other people think of you means nothing. Only your opinion of yourself matters, as long as you love yourself inside and out that's all you need.

One last thing I noticed is if you're not conventionally attractive but you are with someone who is the looks you get is actually insane. I remember I went out one night with this guy very very sweet he was actually only 2 days older than me. But he was tall, thin had blonde hair and blue eyes. And I'm a plus size black girl with pink hair. And I noticed so many women looked at us with such disgust it was something I never have experienced. I pretty much only date outside of my race but I never experienced anything like that. I could have just been anxious, but like I just remember it and I cannot explain it but it felt just so bad. I did have an anxiety attack later in Starbucks and he was really nice and held me but i just never experienced those kinds of looks and energy. My friends told me it was probably just in my mind but it was just repeated and apparent and I never experienced that before. It could have been my mind and anxiety but i know what I saw and felt.

[kazuyummy]

AK anon is here -again- 🙊💛. I really wanna request a matchup with Amahisa but i have never done that before so kinda unsure how to do so but i will give it a go:

1- weak. 2- strong. 3- Insightful. 4- Cool (im not tho🤦‍♀️)

Orange (🍊): I am not very creative like you -🥺- so my ideas are very basic, but something like how he would approach a person like me ? I really can't imagine myself being with somebody like kousei who is so opposite. (personality wise). Ppl around think im cool, strong, independent women, laid back, chill etc .. but really im not like that, and i usually admire ppl who are like that (and like Kousei too). But what ppl see from outside is way different from inside ~~~ but ~~~~~ yeah ~~~~~ god i feel shy idk why 🤦‍♀️🙊🙈💛. Also, thank you for writing for DNA. I really enjoy my time on your blog.

omg no worries! usually in matchups you would give your info and then i would choose who to match you up with - but don't worry, i'd be happy to write one for you and amahisa (plus i can't see you with anyone else now LOLL)!

i think you and AMAHISA KOUSEI would be a perfect match particularly because you're opposites! he's a walking contradiction - whimsical but observant; carefree but invested; nonchalant but hardworking. so i think he'd really appreciate you being a bit of a contradiction yourself! sometimes he's so honest to the point that people can't tell if he's joking or not - so i think he sees your struggle in that area with being misunderstood or seen differently than you might think you act. and even if you don't think you're cool yourself - he certainly would, but not necessarily in the way others might perceive you. i think he'd want to get to know you at a raw, deep level - it might take you a while to be that vulnerable with him and open up, but he's determined to crack that shell and support you. and for someone who may get bored with one thing and move on to the next - he'd find you so interesting that he'd never get tired of you.

bit of drabble / headcanon under the cut! a bit longer than i usually do too ehehe 💕

❀ FIRST IMPRESSIONS

amahisa kousei is certainly one to say what he means, and you don't exactly understand that at first

his pickup lines aren't suave or clever - he'll literally tell you that you're pretty, smart, beautiful - with such a nonchalant face and then go back to doing his own thing

while you think you're gawking and panicking over what he's saying, you're really just staring at him with a straight face and a slow nod

"amahisa's always trying to get your attention... how are you always so cool about it? isn't he like, a big star on the baseball team?"

your friend taps your shoulder as you leave class, and you mumble back,

"he can't be that good at baseball if he has time to flirt like this all the time..."

your face is burning, but you play it off - sure, he's pretty handsome and charismatic. a bit of a mystery, even - but you do tend to wonder why he focuses on you specifically

it isn't until after you've parted with your friend and walked ten minutes to the bus stop that you realize something very important

you forgot your freaking laptop.

huffing, you start a light jog back but pause when you glance at your watch - there's no way you'll get there and back in time, and the next bus after that is in another half hour

and you definitely needed to grab your next batch of textbooks from home, or you'd miss your next class

"hey! you're pretty fast, you know? practically sprinted out of the classroom!"

when you look up, who else do you nearly run into but amahisa holding your laptop?

you blink once, twice. then you blurt out,

"you're a lot more thoughtful than you let on."

he lets out a full laugh, "and you're a lot less scary than you seem!"

you frown, asking what he means - to which he responds,

"everyone always says how intimidating and strong you are. but you're getting flustered right now, aren't you?"

"i- i- no i'm not! and i don't mean to look scary at all! that's just how people see me for some reason..."

you're feeling self-conscious, even when he gives you an easygoing laugh, and you're certainly thrown off when he ruffles your hair,

"you shouldn't care so much how people see you! except for me maybe, because i see you as pretty interesting."

you roll your eyes, taking the laptop from him, but can't seem to hide a slight smile from his watchful golden eyes

"see you later then, yeah?"

"we'll have to see about that. but i guess i owe you for this - so thanks... amahisa."

"it's kousei," he smiles before waving and taking off

"how am i supposed to talk to him if he doesn't even ask for my number..." you grumble

but when you pull your laptop out next class, a sticky note tumbles from it with his phone number and a "coffee soon?" on it - that boy certainly is full of surprises.

hope you enjoyed, i'm so happy i finally got to write for you and kousei - i love getting asks from you and think the two of you would make such an amazing couple ehe 💕

read completed matchups here 💫

[xxstrawberrybunxx]

Yippie I love talking abt myself !!!!! :} I feel that the criteria is written more for an outside perspective on npd rather than someone who actually experiences it. This makes it very difficult to get people to believe I even have npd because it is a deeply internal disorder, and for everything that could be obvious to some (like arrogance or a lack of awareness of others) there's like a million combinations of possible symptoms buried underneath.

Ok so for the inflated ego and expecting special treatment thing, I don't think it would be obvious to most ppl that I do experience this symptom because I'm very good at masking it (well I mean I am now I sure as fuck didn't used to be), but I often just kind of subconsciously expect things to happen to me just because I exist, without me doing shit to get it, and when they obviously don't happen I get really hurt and upset cuz why isn't anybody acknowledging me and my clear superiority??? I'm literally perfect I've done everything right (hasn't done anything at all). This can be in reaction to declined "special favors" or people not giving me anything I ask for, it can be the weather not being what I expected it to be, it can be me being punished for something anyone else would logically also get punished for, it can be me not winning an award I'm not guaranteed to win. I think ppl would expect this to be because I was spoiled or something as a kid but really I was kind of ignored and singled out a lot lol. Me not getting "special favors" was, from my perspective, me not even being treated like a person at all. Just a little bit of perspective I guess.

Exaggerating achievements and lying- I don't do this super often (anymore) but when I do it's because I'm terrified of being seen as "lesser" because of something I haven't done, not only do I have to be equal to everyone else in this invisible social hierarchy I have to be BETTER at all times or else I feel I'm undeserving of any social status (which is another thing, obsession with a social status that doesn't even exist outside of my own brain). I also tend to over exaggerate my "worse" traits so that people can't expect anything from me so I can never disappoint anyone. Oh yeah, i def got an awful grade in that class!!! Don't look at my actual report card, if you do that you'll see that I was actually just average, and just average is basically failing anyway... (another note- I could be doing perfectly fine, execrating even, in a class and genuinely think I'm doing badly just because other people are directly getting praised for it and I'm not! If I'm not given praise I'm basically average, otherwise I'd be recognized for my superiority bla bla bla stfu /nay)

I feel like my primary experiences with npd is an obsession with social status, an obsession with being better than everyone else (and a refusal to do things that I know I'm not good at or participate in things I know others will be better at), an obsession with myself and a tendency to only be able to really perceive things as to how they relate to myself, constant masking and a tendency to meticulously build a social persona (or multiple social personas for different situations) instead of just being myself (to the point where "just being myself" is yet another mask and yet another persona), very intense RSD and fear of social rejection and criticism, feeling intense dysphoria and feeling like I'm a failure as a person when I'm feeling left out of something.

Some other things that I'm not sure are just npd things but feel like definitely are at least somewhat related are social exhaustion despite being extroverted (because I'm literally constantly checking myself and making sure everything I do is calculated in some way, without a real goal of why im doing it other than "so you can't be rejected!!! So you can't be told you're doing anything wrong"), any indication of someone losing interest in me leading to me absolutely convincing myself they hate me and have "finally seen who I really am" (not that I know what "who I really am" is, other than some gross, unlovable version of myself that doesn't even really exist outside of my brain).

It's a complex disorder with a lot of layers but people often forget that it's literally cluster b which is "the emotional" cluster, it's a very emotional disorder and it doesn't have as much to do with other people as ppl like to think it does (no, we don't seek out "victims" to abuse for emotional validation or whatever, though the occasional supply boost is nice (compliments + attention)). Tbh I actually think the supply thing makes me more vulnerable to being addicted to social media than it makes me a danger to "leaching off people irl" which is yet another less-looked-at symptom ig.

I'm very glad more people are open to talking to us about our experiences directly rather than just listening to the misinfo ppl spew abt our disorder :} it's a hard one to talk about but it shouldn't be.

a few questions for ppl with npd abt your disorder if thats ok <3

i think the criteria for npd is written in a very confusing way and more about fearmongering rather than actually helping someone identify when they have npd, so i’d like to respectfully ask for a bit of clarification. i spent a while believing ppl with npd are my enemy and i’d like to rectify my lack of knowledge on it.

Keep reading

[honeybee-babe]

Exposing D@isuki21, now f!v3y@h3@rtsf!ktor: toxic person in the TUA Fandom who has borderline web-stalked and harassed queer minors w/ homophobic abuse

MAJOR Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, Lesbophobia, mention of and harassment to do with r@pe, telling ppl to unalive themselves, borderline web-stalking, homohpbic slurs hurled at minors... basically think of the most abusive online conduct you could imagine

“I WISH YOU DIE DISGUSTING LESBIAN BITCH, UNNATURAL”

“"GO CRYING DIRTY AND STUPID LESBIAN BITCH"

(said to a 15 year old via Instagram DM...)

Hey Umbrella Academy Fandom. As you all know, this fandom has a lot of discourse and lets be honest, bitching and moaning over minor disagreements about a character’s sexuality, ships, inc3st, p3dophila, etc. I've had my fair sure of admittedly immature pissing contests on here over minor disagreements, as I'm sure many of you have, and I'm not trying to act like I'm perfect. I’ve made myself into a clown many times.

But there is one user in particular who is a raging homophobe/lesbophobe and has been incredibly abusive to others on this site for years....  

Go to where it says THE WORST OF IT to skip the intro if you know about her general bullshit, to see the actual borderline stalking + homophobic harassment of minors. Scroll to the very end for screenshots. 

BASIC CONTEXT:

This user currently goes by the URL fiv3y@h3@rtsf!ktor and used to go by D@isuki21, and various other iterations of that name/various others and has made multiple accounts, always to pass herself off as a different person. I have interacted with her before, and I know many individuals who have been targeted by her since at least 2020 (probably earlier), and she’s still on her bullshit. But the distinctive communication style and sheer ridiculousness of her statements makes it very clear that it’s the same person. Namely, her wording is very fucked up and full of typos and misspellings, and reads very much like a child throwing a temper tantrum. She often dissolves into overuse of emojis especially the 🤡 emoji (ironic if you ask me).

So I wasn’t going to say anything, but I just learned from my new pal @ultimate--sheep​ some new information that was the final straw, and we both decided we had to say something. 

WHAT WE KNOW:

This person is 23 years old (though she acts like she’s 15), she is a MASSIVE 5ya stan and while I’m sure there are many wonderful people who ship 5ya, this person is NOT one of them, and she gives the ship a bad rep with her incredibly immature, problematic behavior. She basically picks fights by going into “rival” ships’ tags (IE Vissy) and into the “Anti 5ya ” tag (which is obviously intended to be blacklisted by 5ya shippers and used to keep 5ya shippers from seeing it, unless the 5ya shipper is D@isuki and  is deliberately looking for a fight) and then she harasses people simply for shipping Viktor with someone other than Five.

In particular she used to go off on people who used to headcanon/perceive season 2 Viktor as a lesbian. She would also get into fights with people for pointing out that 5ya is incest/psuedo-incest + pseudo-pedophila in the Anti- 5ya tag – she got mad at me once because asked her to admit that it was at least pseudo-incest (I specified that I wasn’t judging her for shipping incest, but for denying that it was incest to begin with – you can’t have a ship called ‘Harcest’ and claim it’s not incest it’s IN THE NAME). She called me various childish nicknames, I don’t remember everything…

She harasses people and frames it as 'arguments' but it's 90% incoherent nonsense, name-calling, straw man bullshit, and then she blocks them and tells them "DNI" and makes posts to her followers AFTER she has blocked the person telling her followers vitriolic BS about how the other person is an idiot and an "anti."

HOW WE ( D@isuki & I) MET:

I don't 100% remember how we met but you can scroll through my page to find receipts. I think what happened is that she responded to someone else's post I saw describing their headcanons for the characters’ sexuality (one of those things that were like ‘Five and Luther are ace’, ‘allison and diego are bi’, ‘V is a lesbian’ etc.). The OP called pre transition Viktor a lesbian and D@isuki WENT OFF on them saying they were biphobic, etc. Her argument claimed it was biphobia but they were also complaining about why "you don't need to make everyone LGBT" which like ????????? you don’t sound like that great of an ally, hon. and it's a HEADCANON. Let people live. And when I argued that V could be a lesbian and Leonard could have very easily been comphet, she claimed that comphet “doesn’t exist anymore in the 21st century…” (I stg… i cant make this shit up)

Anyways… she frequently not only changes her url but I believe make new accounts to harass ppl through. And then she denies it when people identify her (see the below from when I recently called her out:

“Changing my username makes me crazy? Weak argument I say so myself also I’m not d@isuki-21 wow the fact you assume I’m them makes me realize you’re obsessed with them. I never block you or anyone in your anti 5ya community.”

(bro how obvious can you be…)

THE WORST OF IT:

I wasn't going to even say anything about this person, except I recently met Juno @ultimate--sheep​, who informed me that D@isuki also is on Instagram and has gotten into a similar argument with them, and then somehow found (IE stalked) them on Reddit too and proceeded to harass them on there too,  telling them they "must habe been r@ped a lot when they were a child" and that their art (Viktor w/ a lesbian flag) is "disgusting and biphobic," and told them to get "psychological help" for pointing out homophobia from 5ya shippers.

She also:

–Stole Juno's art twice (took their lesbian pride Viktor artwork and changed it to a bi flag).

–Made several abusive comments on their lesbian friends insta posts calling Vissy “disgusitng”

–Took a picture of Juno’s ex-friend’s Insta profile, who was a 15 year old MINOR (remember, this b*tch is 23 YEARS OLD) and wrote over it: "Disgusting lesbian looking for sex. Prostitute”

–Targeted Juno’s friend again on IG taking pictures of Sissy and putting stink marks on them, writing abusive things like "DIE", etc.

And the worst one… messaging the same MINOR (age 15) and telling them:

“I WISH YOU DIE DISGUSTING LESBIAN BITCH, UNNATURAL”

“"GO CRYING DIRTY AND STUPID LESBIAN BITCH"

IN CONCLUSION:

Guys.... I am a bisexual woman, and if it isn’t already clear enough, there is no way in hell that this person is “defending a bisexual character” and standing up against biphobia. This person is anti-LGBT and anti WLW PERIOD! She is a homphobe and a heinous person in general who frames herself as being an ally ONLY when it serves the 5ktor/5ya ship.

And listen, I want to be clear on this: I’m not saying shipping5ya makes you a bad person – but how can you ship something that is pseudo-incest and then turn around and call a normal ass, CANON lesbian ship “unnatural” and “disgusting?”

This is not the behavior of a mentally healthy person -- but that is not an excuse. I am asking you for your safety to report/not interact with this person if you see them/have any suspicions that it’s them. It is not worth your time and I am genuinely concerned that the stalking and harassment behavior could turn into something more serious.

SCREENSHOTS:

[ftm-radio]

ugh names are stressful and I hate making decisions bc then I just constantly think about what if I did this other thing so I'm gonna ramble about names and indecision for a bit

(spoiler alert y'all can/should keep calling me Jack or JT or Jackalope like you already do lol I'm not changing my name again I'm just thinking out loud)

so I'm Jack. legally. and that makes me happy! I love that name, love being called Jack, love introducing myself as Jack & can't wait to do it more often when I go back to school and have to interact with strangers again regularly.

but there are days like today where I almost wish I still used my old name. I call it my deadname for ease and bc that's just the term we use, but it's.. not really dead — it's one of my middle names now. It's quite feminine, given to me in honor of a great(?) grandmother I never met, and I came up with a shorter form of it to use that felt more gender neutral when I went to college and started exploring my gender.

originally, I planned to keep that name because there weren't any others that spoke to me and I knew I was indecisive and would probs have a horrible time trying to choose a name, AND because I thought it would be badass to be my authentic not-female self while rocking a traditionally feminine name and confusing/surprising people. (oh and i also probably definitely was influenced by my desire to not hurt my parents' feelings and not wanting to have to make people adjust to a new name bc oh no I can't inconvenience ppl!!!)

but then I actually worked to find a new name because I realized I really wanted that change (and ppl being "inconvenienced" isn't my fuckin problem)

there are male versions of my old name. I could have picked something similar but with a decidedly more masculine flavor (ending in a -o instead of an -a, or lobbing off the -la at the end.....). I didn't like those names though, and I wanted a bigger change than one or two letters being changed or knocked off the end.

but it's like.... idk it feels like a missed opportunity? like living my life under that other name and being a man(+) almost in defiance of it is a path I turned away from, and now I'll never know how that turns out and how it would have affected the way others perceived me and how I might have affected others and made them think differently about stuff like names and gender and whatnot. idk.

I'd planned on being this badass dude with a gender nonconforming name and I guess sometimes I feel like im... not as cool for going with a regular masc name in the end??? even though I know it's dumb/silly to worry about how ~cool~ I seem when the only thing that matters is if I'm happy and comfy at the end of the day lmao

idk, idk. maybe I still have a lingering attachment to my old name bc in a lot of ways I still feel like I'm the same person who used that name, like I still look like them & sound like them. maybe with time (and some testosterone pleasepleaseplease) I'll like.. grow up more and look back and realize that yeah that other name definitely isn't me anymore & I would've wanted to change it eventually no matter what.

AND honestly when ppl use the other name for me on accident or bc they don't know im trans I.. Don't Like It. lol. and I'm not sure if it's because I've asked/told folks to use Jack and I don't like that they mess up or because the other name Literally makes me feel ick when I'm addressed with it. maybe it's a bit of both.

maybe I just like the idea of the other name, or of gnc names in general. maybe the solution to this not-regretful-but-kinda-bummed-out? feeling is to make OCs and give them gnc names lmao. I was planning on doing that anyway so.......

if you read all of this apologies for the hopping around & disorganization, but feel free to weigh in with your thoughts about names n shit if you want!

reblogs, replies, & asks are all welcome ✌🏻

[sundeity4]

I've recently become aware of npd and it's symptoms and it didn't occur to me that it could overlap with aspd or things like that

ive been managing my whole life based on rules I've made up for myself after seeing what was being labeled "bad" or "immoral" because clearly Those ppl have a hard time and that's not what I wanted for myself. and so they help me manage I how I treat and interact with ppl, too. It's all intellectualized, ya know?

and it's occuring to me now as an adult that outside these rules and socially acceptable facades I'm not sure who I am/how I'd behave. I've been laughing at stuff I don't find funny for so long idk what my actual sense of humor is anymore cuz the fake laugh is so reflexive. things like that.

tbh I attributed it to Heavy dissociation, I feel so numb daily unless something really catches my attention. And Im a lot™ when I'm upset tho and honestly, the rules I have are also to help keep myself in check when I Am upset or overwhelmed. I don't Get a lot of myself. and No diagnosis seem to fit cuz I have no idea what's Me and what's... whatever is wrong with me. so it's hard to determine what is a symptom or what it isn't which makes the experience doubly hard to describe.

but some tests I took online did have me score high for things like npd and aspd. So idk. I guess my question is how did you know it was those 2 dx? I guess, instead of something else?

actually anon, i have bpd not aspd or npd :") so im not so sure how helpful i'll be here, since i cant give you any personal anecdotal information.

but, when diagnosing a personality disorder, its good to keep in mind that the symptoms are present at all times, not in episodes, the symptoms are present since adolescence, and the symptoms impact your daily life. and always go by the DSM 5 criteria (if you're in america). heres the dsm 5 criteria for aspd:

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I maintain my self-esteem (and often define myself) from personal gain, power, or pleasure.

My goals are often self-oriented, and I have difficulty considering how the consequences affect others.

I have difficulty understanding or relating to the ideas, feelings, or behaviors of others. (low empathy)

I have difficulty maintaining close relationships unless I am in a dominant position.

__ / 4

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check SIX or more of the following:

I often try to make myself more influential over people and situations. I like to be in control.

I am often unable to understand how my actions or words can harm others.

I find I can be a dishonest person, either in how I present myself to others, or I’ll twist the truth of stories I tell.

I experience persistent or frequent feelings of anger or irritability.

I often find myself in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities without regard for the consequences.

I am impulsive and often act on things without thinking or planning.

I often fail to take care of responsibilities and keep promises.

__ / 7

Section IV Must check THREE or more of the following:

I fail to conform to social norms and rarely do what is expected of me.

I compulsively lie when it benefits me.

I find it difficult to make plans for the future.

I have difficulty maintaining feelings of anger or irritability.

I am rarely concerned for my own safety or well-being.

I am often unable to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.

I don’t often feel regret, and I am often unable to feel remorse when I have wronged someone.

__ / 7

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adolescence, and some traits have been persistent since childhood.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

My symptoms are persistent and not triggering by a symptom from another mental disorder.

At this point, if you have checked the minimum, you may qualify for a diagnosis of anti-social personality disorder. The next section is a compiled list of symptoms, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. often found in ASPD patients.

If you did NOT meet the minimum but relate to many of the symptoms listed, check out conduct disorders. If you feel you related to some of the symptoms, but feel many of your symptoms weren’t listed, try anxiety disorders, neurodevelopmental disorders, and depressive disorders. If you cleared Sections II and V but still did not meet the minimum, look into other personality disorders.

Section VI Common symptoms and behaviors associated (not required for diagnosis):

I often don’t feel anxious, even in situations where I should feel anxious.

Some of my behaviors are a means of self-preservation.

I have gotten in trouble with the law on a few occasions.

I have difficulty reading social cues.

I find I am often unable to finish tasks.

I often view people in the style of a hierarchy.

I believe everyone is only really out for themselves.

I am incredibly opinionated.

I experience dysphoria, in which I feel my body is not my own.

I often feel very tense and restless.

I am unable to tolerate boredom.

I am very often depressed.

I define myself by my accomplishments and gains.

I have considered or attempted suicide.

I find I rarely get stressed out, even in incredibly stressful situations.

__ / 15 and heres the dsm 5 criteria for npd: Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have identity issues, and I depend on others in order to define myself. My self-esteem depends on others as well. How others view me influences how I view myself, which is why I try to present myself as important or powerful.

I have difficulty settings goals for myself, and how I set them really depends on the praise I receive from others. I tend to set goals unrealistically high in order to see myself as exceptional, or contrarily too low so I can feel more powerful when the task is easy.

I struggle to identify with the feelings and needs of others, and I tend to underestimate the effect I have on others.

I have unstable relationships. I can become so focused on my own anxieties and problems I forget the needs of my partner.

__ / 4

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check BOTH of the following:

I can be self-centered, and I feel entitled to good treatment from others, as I am dependent on it.

I like to be the center of attention, and I seek admiration from others.

Section IV Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I tend to exaggerate my achievements and talents and like to be praised for them.

I am often preoccupied with fantasies of my own success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love life.

In a way, I believe I am “special” and unique, and I like to surround myself with other people who are “special” and unique.

I require excessive admiration.

I set unreasonable expectations for both myself and the people around me.

I tend to take advantage of situations and am opportunistic.

I struggle with empathy and have a difficult time relating to others.

I am often envious, and I covet what other people have.

I can have an arrogant or haughty attitude.

__ / 9

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

Section VI Common symptoms and behaviors (not required for diagnosis):

I can have either low or high self-esteem. I find it depends on the people I’m with and how they’re treating me at the time.

I tend to overestimate myself, which can often lead to disappointing myself.

I can become anxious and spiral into a depression if I don’t receive praise or admiration.

I hate being alone for too long.

I find I compare myself with others often, having no other means of defining myself unless I can use someone else as sort of a “measuring tape.”

I often feel incredibly misunderstood by others.

I find I like to have the Best of everything. The newest electronic, the most expensive brand of something, etc.

I like to constantly be moving up and making progress and can become obsessive with it.

When talking myself, I tend to ramble.

I think a lot of people are jealous of me.

I am incredibly sensitive to criticism. I don’t usually show it outwardly, but being criticized can leave me feeling humiliated, degraded, and empty.

When upset, I tend to withdraw from others.

I find being competitive is very difficult for me because there is a chance of losing.

I am often depressed and/or anxious.

I try to read people’s weaknesses while hiding my own.

__ / 15

If you did not meet the minimum criteria for this checklist, you may want to look into anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. If you experience the symptoms above but only in episodes and not persistently, you may want to look into Bipolar Disorder. (Narcissistic traits could be a side effect of a manic or hypomanic episode.) If you met the criteria for Sections II and V but not the others, you may want to look into other personality disorders. both DSM 5 lists taken from Shit Borderlines Do

i hope this helps!

[harrysmaison]

how do you feel about the fact that Harry performed at Coachella, therefore bringing the homophobic owner so much money to in turn donate to anti-LGBTQ organizations? this only makes it seem like all he's doing is performative activism

hello unknown person. That is an interesting point there, but unfortunately I'm not educated enough to answer this strongly on my own. So I'd like to kindly direct you to this particular article i came across after some (very little because it's near midnight here and I'm tired) research.

Under the cut cause I ranted too much I'm sorry

Lizzo, who we know has a very strong LGBTQ+ following, performed at Coachella in 2019. Someone asked a very similar question to her and this was her response.

...most major organizations are owned by “bigoted millionaires that donate to bigoted organizations.” But she added that her role is not to stand by and watch from the sidelines, but to do something about what she perceives as wrong. “I realize my activism is to disrupt those spaces and spread my message to thousands of ppl.”

She added that if the goal is to make sure that LGBTQ individuals receive a message of love and support, then a platform like Coachella, whether it’s owned by a homophobic person or not, should be utilized. “I’m doing what I gotta do to make sure my big black ass voice is heard,” she wrote. “Can’t wait to dismantle the hate that funds this country … but until then, imma be putting big, black, femme, lgbtq+ bodies on stages and telling our stories.

Personally, I agree with this. I saw someone receive a similar ask a while ago, i don't exactly remember who it was but they had some similar views about this argument and i remember agreeing with those too.

Coachella is a massive platform, thousands of people attend the shows. Ir seemed to me that a large part of the audience were gp or just fans of his music.

Of course, there's no arguing that him and his music (especially now that he has new album coming out) would get a lot of attention from the non fans because of this. But i would also like you to look at the fact that he tried to use that attention to bring awareness to the LGBTQ+ group as well. He raised pride flags on both shows, a bi flag, wore a rainbow jumpsuit, sang a song best known as the ultimate gay anthem with a proud lgbtq+ supporter- lizzo herself, sang a song abt having gay sex, etc etc.

I don't know how much you follow harry or his career, but i for sure don't believe even a little bit in the queerbaiting bullshit. This clearly meant a whole lot to him to be able to spread awareness about the queer community on a platform which is so openly homophobic. It's a great show of rebellion for someone like him with that level of fame, whose only way to express his true self is through performances like these. It's the best he could do to answer back to all the injustice in the conditions he's in right now

So I'd just ask you to look at this with a different perspective. A more positive one I'd say. This clearly means a lot to all of his queer fans, including me, who don't see this as performative activism but more as what any of the member in this community would be proud to be able to do: express themselves and prove others wrong.

That's what I feel about all this. Sorry if I went wrong somewhere, i tried my best to stay true to myself.

[kobithedragon]

been slowly moving back into tumblr, partly nostalgia, the old posts are still there but different types of buzzing. the fact that it is slightly less algo driven (?) also helps. what is your relationship to this place? I do recall part of the charm was the familiar stranger thing, and I am getting that from your posting so I figured I'd open up a chat

u know I really appreciate u reaching out n sending a upfront overt message. I feel more connected to life when I have direct connection with person n this direct linkage is impactful to me. I'm glad my accumulation has affected u and allowed u to connect with me on a deeper level as this blog is where my deeper personality is unleashed. I understand myself through other people so when I browse tumblr I feel great knowing my experience is being shaped around who I find rather than what an algorithm finds. I find people through things and things through people and the entire process is human driven. I use the multitab tumblr iOS app so as to fully rid myself of any form of algorithmic content discovery. Within the multitab tumblr app I am able to scroll through an entire blog from the latest post right back to the very first post using pagnation techniques such as browse by post interval and browse by date. This means that no post gets left behind, and it's important to me because my philosophy is akin to that of Steve Jobs: people don't know what they don't know they want. Give people what they don't know they want. It's actually a very dark philosophy when you factor in mindless consumerism within capitalism but everything has its downsides. I find art to be something that thrives within capitalism for this exact reason. Without seeing as much art as possible, how will you know which artist is your favourite? Imagine if you only listened to the Beatles. They'd be your favourite band, for sure, if you happen to like music. Music gets reduced down to one thing: the Beatles. Now music is a tonne of different things. The internet is the true powerhouse of capitalistic consumerism, browsing tumblr I'm presented with personally curated archives I find through links between other personally curated archives, and I'm finding so much that's new to me and so many takes on what art really is. Some of the stuff I find is so unknown, it hasn't been approved by the masses so it's hard to access. Is it because it's been presented to a few ppl who don't like it so society has deemed it uninteresting for the rest of civilisation? Is it because simply no one has been given the chance to see it ? What's the difference between the two? Fading into obscurity, or eternally obscure. Never was, never is, never will be. Is it better to never have loved ? Or to have loved and be broken hearted, eternally in turmoil, surrendered to the feeling of what could have been but isn't. Heartbreak brings with it a perceived upperhand in taste. The lack of an experience reduces someone, whereas the absence of a past experience enriches someone to the point that they become a boiling pot, they gush out and overflow scolding liquid in agony. They can't control it, it is who they are. Why accept heartbreak when you can't even accept that you won't meet every person who is currently alive, who has ever lived, and who ever will live. How can anyone exist using 0.000001% of the collective cosmic brain known as the finite lifespan of a human? Being nothing is terrifying. The algorithm affirms your nothingness. Multitab tumblr affirms your limited physical capacity for absorbing the universe. You'll never be able to browse through its entirety. There will always be more to find. That's really what terrifies me. I'm so insignificant I'm just timid kobithedragon plucking out feathers of a hen. Arranging them, presenting them to the blades of grass that stretch out across the meadow. How many more hens? How many more grass?