#also fun fact: i used none other than myself for reference

[titaniumions]

it's timekeeper time

[lady-harrowhark]

Hello! I saw you mention that Pyrrha remembers pre-resurrection, and I totally missed that!! Do you have any theories as to why?

I have a few thoughts!

Just for context - because I didn't catch that on my first read either until I started going back through! - there are a few instances that seem to suggest Pyrrha remembers at least some of her life pre-Resurrection. Off the top of my head, I know there's one point where she refers to G1deon as G--, just like John does. Nona also says that Pyrrha calls her "Hairy Maclary", which is referring to a series of children's books by a New Zealand author. Here's a link to a picture and some info about Hairy Maclary... I can definitely understand why Pyrrha would call Nona that lol. This one's super interesting to me in that it's such a fantastic example of the way Tamsyn uses memes and references so skillfully! In the previous books, most of the references are fairly organic in that they're things that could conceivably be, you know, just things the characters say; the readers catch it (if they also know the reference! otherwise they're fairly unobtrusive) but the characters themselves aren't intentionally making a reference. This would be the things like "You can't just ask someone why they want to be a Lyctor" and "a hunger that only thumbs could satisfy," etc. The exception, though, is John. The "none Houses with left grief" particularly is SO fun from an exposition perspective (but if I start on that one I'll never stop), and then of course we have Commander Wake Me Up Inside. The implication here being that John remembers these specific things and is intentionally making those references within the context of the story. Pulling that same expository trick with Pyrrha sets them up as both remembering... at least to some degree. The hints that we get from Pyrrha are such that it's pretty unclear to what extent she remembers, leaving a lot of room for juicy speculation :)

I initially touched on it over on this post where I rambled about names, memory, and the Eightfold Word, but I'm copying over the Pyrrha-specific paragraph so that you don't have to dig for it:

When assisting with Harrow’s lobotomy, Ianthe tells her, “If you push your brain too hard, any surgery could simply heal over.” And in NtN, Pyrrha tells Palamedes, “You should be draining and replacing her fucking brain fluid... When Gideon and I designed that trial, I used to crack his skull and sieve it myself, just as a control variable... The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn’t mind being trepanned on the regular.” I don’t know exactly where the threshold is for pushing one’s brain too hard, but I suspect frequently draining and replacing one’s brain fluid is in that ballpark. Which is to say, it’s very possible that Mercy and Pyrrha (and potentially others) could have healed over from anything John had done to their brains.

Also, I don't know why this didn't occur to me as I was writing up that other post, but when Pyrrha's telling Palamedes about how dangerous their uhhhhh living arrangements are, and how they're risking brain damage... Pyrrha and G1deon were operating under somewhat similar circumstances for thousands of years. Cumulatively, it's possible that G1deon's brain was racking up damage that eventually eroded away whatever John had done. Another thought is that maybe the fact that G1deon died and Pyrrha didn't is at play here.

It could very well be less dramatic than that, though. We don't know much about how Lyctorhood impacts the brain, although to be completely fair, we also can't say for certain how a typical human brain would function after ten thousand years of runtime either. Our brains are constantly wiring new neural pathways and rewiring and revising old ones. After thousands of years, might we be reaching a Ship of Theseus situation with regard to the neural circuitry impacting pre-Res memories? Which is a fancy way of saying, "Maybe it wore off."

It could be all of the above, too. Assuming that Lyctor brains retain plasticity like we see in typical human brains (and I'm not letting myself think too hard on implications either way, because in sci-fi/fantasy make-believe land, neuroscience can be whatever you want it to be), we'd probably see that effect happening with the other Lyctors at roughly the same rate, but at least as far as we can tell (and that wording is intentional because I'm not taking anything off the table with this series), the others don't seem to remember. So that might be contributing, but not sufficient on its own. BUT perhaps ten thousand years of rewiring PLUS ten thousand years of cohabitation PLUS however long of being "trepanned on the regular" PLUS G1deon dying might override John's meddling.

We've still got so many open questions here regardless of what the specific mechanisms are. Like, I'd love to know when Pyrrha started to remember exactly. And did G1deon remember anything, then? It seems like he was Straight Up Not Having a Good Time so if he did remember, he might not have been relying on those memories much. Whatever's going on, I'm sure it's just as bonkers as the rest of the series!

[imagitory]

So! Disney Parks has released a full ride POV of Tiana's Bayou Adventure, formerly Splash Mountain, at Walt Disney World. I will just let you all watch it first, before delving into my personal thoughts. Unless you want spoilers, at which point, go on -- dig a little deeper!

All right, so right off the bat, I have to say this --

I have no nostalgia for the original Splash Mountain. Like, none. At all. I'm much more into Disney parks "classic" rides like Haunted Mansion or Pirates of the Caribbean or story-centric rides like Alice in Wonderland than I am Disney's thrill rides like Space Mountain or Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Splash Mountain was really only fun for me when it was hot enough outside that getting soaked was refreshing, at which point it had such a long line that Single Rider was the only way to not wait in a long line, and I'm the sort to more enjoy thrill rides with other people than by myself, so I really just never indulged in it that much. (In fact, the most prominent time I remember going on it, our boat got stuck on the ramp going up toward the big drop and I had to listen to the vultures right over me crowing about how I was going to die for a solid fifteen minutes.) To top it all off, the Song of the South theming quite frankly made me uncomfortable -- yes, the ride was only ever focused on the animated segments of the film, but it remains the only Disney ride (past or present) that I can think of where the less you know about the ride's characters, origin, and themes, the better. And considering that Tiana is my favorite Disney princess and her movie is only just now starting to get the attention and love it should've had all the way along, I was frankly delighted to hear about this new refurbishment.

So yeah, I'm honestly the sort of Disney fan who was going in with a very sunny outlook about this refurbishment. The animatronics' footage released earlier this year looked great, they got Anika Noni Rose back to sing the ride's new original song...I was hyped. But now that I've seen this...yeah, I won't lie, I am a bit disappointed.

The whole reason you're supposedly on this ride is to help Tiana search the bayou for a band for this big party being hosted in New Orleans. I don't mean to be rude, but...why are we looking in the bayou? Yeah, sure, Louis is from the bayou and he plays the trumpet, but he was the odd one out, remember? He wanted to play jazz with talented human performers, but ended up getting chased off the boat when he first tried. If there were a lot of other animals in the bayou who played jazz, then why would Louis have wanted to become human so much in the first film, before realizing that people could love him as the jazz-playing alligator he was? Not to mention that New Orleans is full to the brim with talented musicians already. If this celebration was maybe being arranged by Louis, that could explain why bayou critters are more involved here, but even that seems a little shaky.

Another thing I really didn't like is how Tiana's husband Naveen is barely in it. Tiana and Naveen as a pair is one of my all-time favorite Disney couples, and I would've loved to hear him and Tiana actually sing a duet here, since they only really ever sang in one song in their original movie together, and that was before the two got together! Tiana's best friend Charlotte is also barely in it despite being one of my favorites, but I thoroughly expected that -- the entire time Tiana and Louis were looking around, I really wanted Naveen there, when the original film really accented how well these three (and Ray) worked as a group. It also could've given us a chance to rewrite/reference "When We're Human," the first time these three performed as a trio.

There was also a good amount of "filler space" in this ride. I mean, at one point, Mama Odie feels the need to shrink us out of nowhere, I guess just to accent that the frogs and the fireflies also like to perform...but well, Tiana was a frog once, and Louis was able to enjoy Ray and the fireflies' music in the original movie without shrinking down. And really, in between the few fully depicted scenes (which don't feature a lot of action or storytelling outside of animals playing music), there are a lot of gaps where nothing's really going on and all we can do is just look at the random plants in a garden or at the various bayou locations. There aren't even any clever story elements slipped into those locations either, like the macabre details about Constance's dead husbands in the Haunted Mansion or Splash Mountain's references to Brer Rabbit, Brer Bear, and Brer Fox's houses and how their appearances and sizes reflect each character.

But my biggest problem with this new ride is its lack of teeth or stakes. If you're going to have this ride with a BIG DROP at the end, that drop has gotta mean something. There should be some real anticipation -- not necessarily fear, but the climb should get your blood pumping, waiting on the edge of your seat. And as much as I wasn't a huge fan of the original Splash Mountain, it did that! Remember, this ride isn't The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Undersea Adventure or Snow White's Enchanted Kiss -- this is a ride with a height requirement: in other words, it's geared toward older children and adults. Even Radiator Springs Racers -- another kid-centric thrill ride based on an animated movie -- has you race around in the dark, almost crash, get stopped by the Sheriff for speeding, and get chased by the biggest of those cow tractor things (sorry, I'm not a Cars fan, I don't really care). The child guests who'd be riding Tiana's Bayou Adventure could withstand a little more edge in this ride's story line, even just a little -- and the adults I daresay would've loved to see some reference to the Friends on the Other Side in the mix! (I would've! Dr. Facilier is the best Disney villain from the entire Disney Revival, if you ask me.) It would've allowed the ride to use more music from the film, reuse some of the dark ambience from the original Splash Mountain on that climb, and given us that stronger relief upon reaching the party safely. It also could've better explained us getting shrunk against our will! Maybe while looking for a band for Louis's surprise party with Tiana and Naveen, the Friends decide to corner us and try to keep us from leaving the bayou because they want to devour our shadows or some whatever, and it's ultimately thanks to Mama Odie and Louis that we're able to escape the Friends by taking a "leap of faith" which transports us back to New Orleans with the new band we found at the party Charlotte was helping us plan. Or they could've just based the ride on the bloody movie -- that would've been fun too.

I'm not going to act like this ride is terrible -- I mean, as I said, the animatronics are great, and the overall aesthetic is pretty...and of course, if you're a thrill ride nut, you'll like the drops. But the finished result still feels a little lackluster, compared to other "rethemings" we've been given in the past, like the Incredicoaster, Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission BREAKOUT!, and (if you want to go back further for a smaller budget example) Monster's Inc: Mike and Sulley to the Rescue.

So yeah, um...hopefully people like Tiana's Bayou Adventure better than I do just watching this ride-through, but if even they don't, the Disney parks could always refurbish this baby with some more magic down the road. Until then, though...

"Maybe next time."

[bellascarousel]

So, there's a fic idea that's been rattling around in my head for a while. It essentially consists of plopping the Bridgertons into Valdemar. Yesterday, my brain spent most of the day mentally plotting and writing this thing. And then... I ordered myself a copy of the Valdemar Companion as reference material. So, apparently I'm really gonna do this. So! Now I'm gonna tell you guys all about this idea I have. Below the Read More so as not to spam anyone who doesn't care about my fanfiction.

So, let me start off by explaining a bit of the setting for those of you that aren't familiar with the Valdemar series by Mercedes Lackey. It's a fantasy setting, first of all. So, magic is real and all of that. The kingdom of Valdemar was founded by a man named Baron Valdemar (I have not read the prequel that tells his story, so I don't know his first name) who was fleeing from a place we only ever know as the Eastern Empire. When he and his people finally found a place to settle down, the people decided to make him their king, and they named the kingdom after him. Well, having seen first hand how power can corrupt people, our newly minted King was worried about the long term future of his kingdom. So, he prayed to every God he could think of for a way to keep his descendants from ever turning Valdemar into a place like the Eastern Empire. His prayers were answered in the form of magical beings called Companions that took the form of horses. The Companions could, for lack of a better explanation, see inside people's souls. And each Companion would Choose one person to bond with. The people Chosen by Companions became known as Heralds, and it was made law that the Monarch and the Heir had to also be Heralds. They had to have a Companion vouching for them that they were good people.

As time went on, eventually Companions started being conceived and born like normal horses (it eventually is learned that they are in fact reincarnated Heralds) instead of just magically appearing fully grown in the Grove where the first Companions appeared - with one exception. The Gods, taking the adage "heavy is the head that wears the crown" to heart, decided that there needed to be a special Herald. One that could be the monarch's confidant and chief advisor. That Herald was chosen by the Gods themselves by being Chosen by a special Companion - a stallion that magically appears in the Grove rather than being born. That herald was called the Monarch's Own, and there are a lot of rights and responsibilities that go with that title. (And I am totally going to have to reread the Arrows trilogy where all of this is explained to Talia, because I'm a bit fuzzy on most of it.)

Which brings us to the plot of my fic. Anthony is the king. Violet had been Edmund's Monarch's Own, and was now Anthony's. Which... is not actually working out so well. Violet's Companion dies (not sure how, but since that's backstory I'll deal with it later). Everyone expects the new Grove-born to Choose her, again (except Benedict who can see how strained Anthony's and Violet's relationship is and thinks it might be him who is Chosen instead. (Yes, a grove-born CAN Choose someone who is already a Herald. I don't know what happens to their first Companion in those cases. It doesn't matter for my story.)) Instead, Newton goes on Search and comes back with none other than Kate Sharma. Kate, for her part, assumes the Companion is there for Edwina and is quite surprised when he Chooses her, instead.

I'm really looking forward to exploring all the family and relationship dynamics as they play out in this setting. I think it's going to be quite interesting.

Now I get to decide what everybody's Gifts are. And decide who among the spouses and other characters we know are Heralds, and what they do if they are not. This is going to be fun.

[lefluoritesys]

Can't find a DNI so. Uh. Delete this if we're on it I guess??

One of your posts talks about the anxiety of leaving the front. I don't know that I'd say I'm afraid of losing my life, more...afraid in general? I tend to overthink things (haha I was in denial for like two years before accepting my head people) but I do want to reach a place where I can switch in or out.

Do you have any tips for it? Any advice or tricks you learned along the way? Right now our switches feel...co-conscious, I think is the word for it? Memories get hazy because it's like there's the Front that's remembering everything, and then we (the People) switch in or out of it - many of us don't even fully remember what goes on while we're not in the front. The others seem to be getting better about it which gives me hope for progress, but I'm not great at it myself ^^"

Hm... I can't really say I have universal solutions for it, simply because there are none. And that shouldn't discourage you or make you feel scared, nor is it bad. It's just another thing that makes DID/OSDD/DDNOS/having people in your head unique to every single person.

I can, however, say, that the way we did it was by figuring out what exactly makes me so afraid. I dug into it for a long time, it took a while for me to come to terms with. The reason I couldn't let go, as I found out, was that I was afraid of others destroying the life I built for us. I got stuck in front for 3 years and basically dragged us from the depths of hell. You know the saying, "did you fall from Heaven?" "No, I crawled from hell, and said, 'finally separated from my partnets'." That. I didn't exactly separate, but as others refer to it now, "you saw the fire and made barbecue." I was scared that if I let go, our life would go to shit again. Also that I won't see my partner in front ever again. But all of it was solved via simple communication and baby steps. Explaining to others our schedules and what I do to keep our life afloat. Slowly but surely, I can let go when I want to. I can even sleep in the inner world, which is basically almost turning off your consciousness; and that is huge.

Your solutions should come from the core of the issue. What are you specifically afraid of? That is a tough question, and I know that. But it is necessary. And with memories and switching out... a fun fact about DID is, the better the communication, the lower the amnesia walls. I know that is not exactly what you have, however, the logic may still apply. It took us some time to start seeing the inner world, and remembering stuff from it; and that lack of memories and sight also related to same anxiety. And our gatekeepers, the bitches (/aff, I love you, gatekeepers). I don't think I have any tips there, but it did get better with lowered anxiety and acceptance of, "well. This is our life now."

It is already absolutely awesome that you are already making some progress, even if it's just certain individuals. Perhaps, they may be doing something different than the rest of you! And even if not, that is already a road to recovery and functionality, no matter how slow.

You got this!💜

[maymeowmoo]

Felt like writing about my OCs a bit so yeah~

As you probably noticed I tend to use one of my two OCs to represent myself. The actual character for drawing myself (ig?) is this purple little ghost thingy! I uhh never gave ‘em a official name but they do represent me so idk naming them differently than what I name myself would be kinda odd >.<

The other two are original characters that are supposed to represent a certain aspect of me~ As seen in my first post, Maroon is the representation of my intrusive thoughts while Noble is the ahem ‘Cringe' part of me.

Maroon was actually created wayyy before this blog. Their original purpose was to be a villain in a really edgy Pokémon fanfiction I wanted to make. I never really got around to writing it (for the better tbh). Later on I always cast them as the villain in any made up story I created since well… I needed one and Maroon fit the role. After awhile I realized Maroon was created specifically to satisfy my intrusive thoughts and scenarios, and here we are now ^v^ The whole reason this blog was created are those thoughts so yeah.

Cringeness was created specifically for this blog~ After I decided ‘Yeah you’re right inner thoughts I will allow myself to be cringe!’ I made this blog and along with it Noble. Personally when I refer to myself as ‘cringe’ I see it more as a reclaim of the word I guess? Or something like ‘yeah I can be consider cringe by some and that is perfectly fine’. I guess Cringeness is a character that is basically ‘accepting the part of me that can be considered odd by some’. Fun fact: I was also gonna use them as a Villain for an AU originally but decided against it =u= OH! + Their name is a mix of Cringe & Empress UvU/

Design wise I decided to make Cringeness the exact opposite of Maroon. They are rounder and more feminine unlike Maroon who is more masculine and sharper. Oh! I also wanna add how I intentionally made Maroons eyes have long eyelashes while Cringeness basically has none =o=/ Whenever I draw ‘em I always make sure to draw this part correctly!

Uhm… That is it for now, maybe I’ll make another post in the distant future about my OCs that is more comprehensible /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\ Ty if u read this, idk if what I wrote made any sense whatsoever but I hope it did. I know I can write a bit chaotically at times XD

[grokebaby]

I might be stating the obvious but the black feathered lady next to Nan here is ofc Mrs. Varpunen (Lassi's bio mom)

Oh yeah, another "is this already obvious?" statement would be that Varpunen means sparrow in finnish. Their last name is Sparrow.

You can quite obviously see alot of Lassi's facial traits like nose and jaw shape in her! How strange that Lassi himself isn't more beastly than he is, considering the Mrs. Here. However a big portion of his traits also come from the Mr - notably, blue skin.

She shall remain anonymous, but throughout this I'll refer to Mrs Varpunen as P

Back when the kids were small, Nan didn't talk about the Mr and P with names, hence why they're called that (Mr and Mrs) now. She would've talked about them with names if the kids ever asked but they never really did. Ykno how, as a parent, you don't talk about your fellow parent with their first name to your child?

"Why didn't she call them mom and dad?" because they weren't that to Lassi and Siru. Nan is their mom, and they had no dad. She raised them single. Though she did say "Dad" about the Mr every now and then in some contexts, it was moreso used to denote who we're talking about rather than earning him the title.

P was always an insecure and easily anxious demon, though she had better times prior to her marriage. She could be joking and brash and fun, even if that sometimes did lead her to more anxiety causing situations. I say anxiety, as in, if she could've been diagnosed, she would've had a disorder. She was born into warriorhood but the stress of guarding others lives and fighting threats put a huge strain on her mental health which, in her adolescence, caused her to leave the lifestyle behind. This unfortunately isolated her from most of her loved ones and relatives, since she moved elsewhere upon quitting, and well (insert lore that explains more why here). Ykno. You get the point.

This post will discuss emotional/psychological abuse and/or manipulation, and misogyny after this point.

Having to grow into her adulthood with untreated anxiety and consequently depression, P was easily swayed by Mr's charms when they first met. He's the kind of person who can make you feel good about yourself in his company only. He was quick to notice Ps insecurities and offered emotional support and attention she clearly hadn't received before. He ofc thought of himself as helping her but ykno, getting a deeply insecure and struggling individual to latch onto you in order to make them a loyal spouse is... Well shitty is an understatement..

I'm not saying there wasn't genuine affections from both sides, however that doesn't change the fact that their relationship was deeply unhealthy. The existence of love doesn't cancel out abuse.

Mr Varpunen met P first and Nan later, which is a part of why she was swayed to join the relationship in the first place. The Mr alone would've at most earned an eyeroll from Nan. But he'd gained more experience in how he navigated intimate relationships by the time they met, plus the inclusion of a third person in the relationship gave Nan some reassurance in it's stability.

Before anyone says anything about this: None of this is meant to put polyamory in a negative light, this is meant to portray a toxic relationship, in general - polygamous relationships can be toxic same as monogamous ones. Even if this was all monogamous, there still would've been all the same issues with Mr Varpunen included. In the setting where these three originate, polyamory is common and considered as normal as monogamy. None of this is intended to come off as criticism of the relationship model (I'm a poly attracted person myself btw), it's criticism of misogyny.

Back to the characters.

P was fond of Nan from the start, even if she felt worried about what this would change for her and Mr's relationship. This was ofc due to her unhealthy dependency on him. She rarely spoke to Nan 1x1 outside of any instance that warranted it - she didn't go out of her way to avoid it but would always look to her husband for the majority of things. She did often wish she and Nan could've gotten closer to each other but didn't find the courage to approach her, nor receive any advances she made, in fear of what Mr Varpunen would think of it.

Mr would later come to make multiple lighthearted remarks about being pleased his two wives are getting along - "Just so long as you don't get along TOO well", so they wouldn't stop needing him.. He didn't feel threatened by their relationship to each other in the slightest since he perceived himself as the one in control, and couldn't imagine things getting out of hand. It's no surprise he flew too close to the sun (or in this case the death God's mouth) later.

P often felt conflicted towards Nan since, despite finding her a genuinely sweet and reasonable person, the damage had already been done by then and she often resented Nan for being more seemingly "Well adjusted", levelheaded and independent (Though most people would seem more independent to P in comparison to herself). She often secretly wished Nan would be expelled of the relationship, jealous, and all sorts of other things she ultimately also felt guilty for thinking. She did acknowledge to an extent that her thoughts only came as a result of the emotional abuse but that wasn't enough to help her out of it.

Despite everything, P was always held up by Mr as the more "Attractive" and desirable one, however subtly. Nan was used to being modest and putting others before herself so she didn't really have the confidence to call this out, especially since it was done so implicitly. Had she mentioned, it would've been all "Oh Nan's jealous now, is that it? You want more attention than the other wife?? You're demanding even more from me???" with Mr. Nan was the humble, low maintenance wife, and P was the hot, special, "can't be left alone poor girl". P's appeal was due to her being apparently stronger and more potent supernaturally since she was born into a warrior/"beast" lineage. You'd think this would earn some respect but it was mostly just being objectified unfortunately.

Mr would live at their homeside with his wives, but go out to the human realm to work a job he'd acquired there, and so he'd leave almost daily, sometimes for multiple days at a time. This was however balanced by him sometimes staying home for a few days in turn. Oh, Nan and P? Taking care of the home and all, ykno.. "As women should".

Vaguely related, but Lassi came out of an egg, whereas Siru was born. (is that how you say it? Birthed??)

Both chicklings were covered in silky black plumage at first, ykno, baby feathers, but they shed it in under a month as they tend to do. Lassi ended up being the favorite due to being a fat little peep and resembling the Mr more than Siru. Neither wife felt quite right about the obvious favoritism, however P was just relieved it was the one she made that became the Fave. Nan never talked about this to either of the children later on and though she mentioned Lassi resembling the Mr more, she preferred being vague about it as to not cause rifts between the siblings. Ykno, like a decent parent.

Though the names of the kids were decided as a group, Mr Varpunen insisted they were named the "human way", against the traditions of their kind. He was of course planning ahead on bringing the kids with him, as he intended for the whole family to move to the human realm eventually.

Both Siru and Lassi were under a year old when P and Mr Varpunen met their demise.

[asachuu]

I’ve got a headache and I’ve partially sworn to both myself and another person I wouldn’t go over this, but…it just won’t let me rest, so I’m sorry to anyone the apology is due. I open my other abandoned socials once in my life, and the first thing I see is debates on this I didn’t even think would be possible, and there’s only so many days I can just bite my tongue.

Refer to the tags of this post for more context if you wish, but I’ll make this separate instead of a reblog in case it may reach more people.

Spoilers for phase 18 of the Fifteen manga below.

So, ah…let me just get the extremely cheap joke out of the way. Heaven forbid the Literary Stray Dogs fandom has to be faced with…oh dear goodness…literature…

If you’ll excuse that, I truly don’t wish to be anyhow outwardly hostile, but I don’t know what would be more fitting to say. In my former vague-ish post (tags excluded), I did say I initially thought this was pointless to go over, but I see that it’s inevitable— so, before I leave my two cents on this, as an absolutely shameless self-plug, since I won’t be going over any deeper Rimlaine-related context in this post to an extent I’d like to properly explain and elaborate on, I’d redirect any curious soul stumbling upon this to my essay about the pair, which will explain a lot more as to why I find any of this worth my time and why I will speak of them in a rather uncharitable manner.

I believe the above is a self-explanatory warning as to the fact that despite talking about a certain panel from the Fifteen manga I’ve seen a rather questionable amount of people use as backing for their ship, I will be doing the absolute opposite, and if that’s not what you want to read or hear, I’d suggest leaving this post be. As much as I mostly try to come from a place of understanding, I don’t think you’ll find much of it in this post, both because I’m not feeling well at the moment and I’ve already explained my strongly held stance in softer terms before, linked above. As always, none of this is personally directed at anybody whatsoever, but that doesn’t mean that some simply wouldn’t want to read a slightly harsher analysis of what could perhaps be their comfort ship for any personal reason they may have, to which I say, I very much suggest not hate-reading this and clicking off, please always look after yourself.

So…while I was going to spare myself a longer post due to my physical state, you best believe me that I will do anything in my power to make it not hinder me, just so I can write this whole thing properly this time around. Without further ado, here is the panel/page I’ll be referring to from now on.

All translation credits go to DarkestJay868 on Twitter.

I think I have to start this off by saying that if this was a different story, a different situation, different inspiration and different characters to match, I would understand the fandom’s reaction. While I’m someone who’s far from shipping characters in most media I consume, I only have one OTP across everything I’d ever engaged with and can’t think of another ship I like from the top of my head, I do understand if people see two characters interact with each other in one way or another, perhaps one rather close way or another, and jump to shipping them for their personal use or just for the sake of it. Ultimately, there is absolutely no point in trying to go over why, because it harms absolutely no one, and these are all fictional characters anyway, it’s not as if we’re intruding on real people’s personal relationships doing any of this.

I also understand that not only is it a well-known fact that MLM ships are far more popular in fandoms than any other, but also, when two characters have a dialogue/thought process/etc. of the nature you can read above, it comes as no surprise that people would like to spin their own narrative on it, and I’d say that’s usually more than fine, go for it, have fun— except in this particular case, I’m astounded. Generally, at this point, I cannot tell whether Rimlaine is a ship born of the indomitable human spirit that won’t be swayed by quite deeply serious topics this pairing is outright created from and exists because of, or one that won’t falter even while not only explicitly written words, but also graphic depictions show exactly what scenario is being presented and it’s simply not the one so many in this community have imagined, but in the case of this scene, it would be downright nonsensical to claim that some form of active dedication is not being used to back the claims I’ve seen going around.

I will be providing no specific examples, as what they all boil down to in various different ways is speaking of the lower panel as some form of canonical confirmation of Arthur and Paul’s closeness, be it in a platonic or romantic way, and believe me when I say this— not a single part of my counterargument will have to do with the thought of one hand on a shoulder(?) meaning nothing, because trust me, in fandoms, I can’t say it’s not ordinary.

You see, out of any and all context, I’d find it amusing, but the simple fact of the matter is, this panel:

is not out of context,

is not canon, even,

has a very real chance of depicting a character’s imagination based on the very next panel, which is this:

And this is about the panel only— don’t worry, I will remind everyone the origins of Rimlaine by the end of this post as well.

I cannot believe I’m sitting here saying this while bearing in mind that my desired audience are people who have read the Fifteen manga at the very least, and while I insist on it being anything but a sufficient adaptation of the original novel, this particular scene is one I did praise for how it was depicted. Nevertheless, this scene is a third-person recollection of Arthur’s memories, and while it is both written and drawn for us all to see, “(…) at least, that’s how one of them felt” is a line directly quoting the original novel, being quite clear, straightforward and explicit confirmation that these were, in fact, not mutual feelings for them both, those feelings also being explicitly stated— their partnership, trust, friendship and whatnot was something only Arthur himself believed, all of which you may find black on white in the Fifteen novel, and surprisingly, even in the very manga people are using images from to speak of Rimlaine as if it were a canonical ship now, often based on this one panel.

In addition to that, this doesn’t only apply to these panels, but for the whole manga and any other adaptation of a source material— it is not the original canon. Fifteen adaptations never fail to prove this point on a regular basis, so I believe this shouldn’t be something difficult to grasp. The same, naturally, goes for this specific panel— nowhere in the original novel itself does it imply any kind of mutual closeness between the two partners whatsoever, in fact, it proves the exact opposite time and time again, and this panel is ultimately a creative liberty taken by the artist. In my personal opinion, however, I don’t have a problem with it in this case, given both how much it emphasizes Arthur’s point of view and the very obvious effect the next panel has on it— very directly showing that indeed, this was only a part of his imagination, or so would make the absolute most sense to me, but it seems that kind of “deeper meaning”, which is nowhere near deep or complicated to understand from the given material in any way, is just…lost on this fandom?

Might I also add that it makes no sense in canon, either— even if it was something signed off by Asagiri-san himself, I’d raise an eyebrow, because there is nothing in any of the media Arthur and Paul appear in that implies Paul would be the one to be close to Arthur and not the other way around, yet that’s exactly what’s drawn in said panel. It is very explicitly stated canonical information that Paul hated Arthur at the time, especially before their final mission together, and I could go further here, onwards to addressing some rather far-fetched claims of him somehow always repressing his true feelings he held for Arthur the whole time because he “felt a bit guilty for pulling the trigger” despite both the entire character arc for Paul being intended to culminate in his sudden genuine regret at the very end AND the fact that his continuous total lack of remorse or any shred of grief for his late partner is constantly spoonfed to the reader, but I’m here for one panel only. And one panel is now damn near enough to make me write another essay.

It’s not even as though Rimlaine is canonically a more ambiguous relationship up to the reader’s interpretation— both Fifteen and Stormbringer are, at least to me, very clear in conveying the message that if the feeling of affection, be it platonic, romantic or any other, is present anywhere between these two, it’s from Arthur towards Paul, and it’s entirely unrequited. Their whole story revolves around it, I’ve almost typed it out word for word in my essay if no one would be up to reading any of the necessary passages in the novels, the whole point lay in Arthur’s genuine care and affection towards his partner which is never returned or anyhow acknowledged and appreciated, that of which canonically deeply affects the former throughout his whole life and beyond, but at this point, I’m willing to bet that even if a hypothetical light novel centered around Arthur and Paul out there actually started with the words “this is a story of very obvious unrequited love and a toxic/abusive relationship that’s practically impossible to interpret in any other way”, I’d once again find myself in a spot where I’m giving far too much credence and leniency towards various arguments as to why said disclaimer is somehow wrong.

I promised one more thing as I finish this up, reminding you all the origins of Rimlaine, and why exactly does this all probably read like I’m rather irritated about some mischaracterization that doesn’t have any further impact beyond a fictional work, because that’s not the case. If it were, I’d care far less, the same way I don’t write lengthy paragraphs about Soukoku or any other ship I believe to not be anyhow healthy whatsoever, even though I do actually enjoy one character out of them both.

I could do my third absolutely shameless self-advertisement and refer to part 4 of my essay, but that’s only for further details and clarification, if anyone wanted it. What I’ll say next is something I don’t want hidden somewhere in thousands of words for the deeply curious willing to tread through them, I very much want this to be common knowledge in this fandom, regardless of whether it will deter people from ignoring absolutely all canon, misinterpreting both characters and entire story arcs in rather impressive ways at times to fit their own ship, or just rallying to support it. The choice is up to you, but keep this in mind:

BSD Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine are, in fact, based on two real-life poets, which is made clear beyond merely their names— their characters, abilities, partially personalities and even aspects of their stories are heavily and directly inspired by them. If you wish to claim their real-life affair as something Asagiri-san has obviously heard of and thus must have kept in mind, meaning BSD Rimlaine is either canonical or just somehow healthy, fine, something that “comes naturally” under these circumstances in general, I don’t want to hear you forgetting that this affair was between an abused 16-year-old and a homicidal 26-year-old. That’s the inspiration— real-life abuse, and not only that, abuse of a minor, AND not only that, due to the fact that I’ve not placed any trigger warnings above, I will not go into any details, but it’s nothing short of a horrific story that never received a good end to it.

That is why I insist on this so much, because there is only a tiny handful of very specific good-faith reasons I could possibly think of for practically just supporting the BSD ship. I do hate phrasing the sentence that way, but “support” is the closest word I can use here for the washing away of information, spreading total mischaracterization, and overall just romanticizing any part of this without any care for its origins or true nature, which can be one of two things— or both— to you. A real-life tragedy, or a very clear story of an unhealthy, possibly abusive relationship in BSD.

I know that, in my essay, I said I understand why people might long for such ships and so on, but perhaps I’m just stubbornly typing this in blinding physical pain that obstructs my senses from being able to return to that train of thought or all I’ve written above renders it nonsense even to myself, the original author, because right now, having said all this, I can’t say I’d understand it with all this information provided. The inspiration is a story incredibly sorrowful, dark and truly harrowing, the BSD counterpart couldn’t be more explicit about how extremely one-sided and unhealthy Arthur and Paul’s relationship is, and yet, I feel as though it really won’t matter in the end, because if I’m writing all this over an interpretation of one single panel I can only describe as completely out of left field, which is quite literally directly disputed by the next panel following it, is this really a matter of knowing all the necessary context and information, or am I unknowingly describing something that’s actually common knowledge?

Anyhow, I would perhaps go on, but sadly, I’m left with no choice but to end this abruptly. I…hope this panel will never haunt me again.

[zot3-flopped]

It’s been interesting reading some of the posts about how fans got into Larry or 1 Direction or Harry and commenting on how silly the Larry stuff looks for certain people. I have a different sort of journey – I',m 62 and was in a car accident about 4 months ago and have been in a rehab facility for a leg/hip injury. I’m fine, it’s just really boring, I’m lucky I wasn’t hurt worse and lucky I have access to good care. My kids started sending me videos of things I would enjoy and one of my daughters sent me the video of Harry/Lizzo at Coachella. I loved it and started looking through other links and really found myself enjoying Harry’s music. I did not really know much about Harry or 1 Direction other than my 3 daughters were crazy for them back in the day – and they all still really love Harry. They saw him in Chicago last year in fact. Anyway, with lots and lots of time on my hands, I have gone all the way down the crazy rabbit hole. I’ve read proofs and debunks, and I even listened to the “Shit Larries Say” podcasts.

I can’t even believe the level of delusion that some of these fans have – and it does seem to frequently be linked to some type of mental illness, or just an emptiness in their lives. I had 2 teenage boys as well, and yes – they acted just like that sometimes. It’s standard behavior. And it seems like all the band members engaged it in at times. So much of all of this seems to be people ignoring the simplest explanation, and reaching for the most convoluted option.

I’ve also had some relatives get caught in the Trump/QAnon cult and it’s very similar. There is NOTHING you can say to change their minds. Everything you bring up is just twisted into PROOF. Reading some of the Larry comments on Twitter yesterday after Louis tweets sounded exactly like that.

I can’t say I have an interest in the other band members – I enjoy some of the One Direction music, but none of them really hold much interest for me. As I said, my daughters all still really like Harry, and it’s been fun to talk to them about it and how much they used to love One Direction. None of them really follow the other guys much - all 3 of them said that Louis was their least favorite at the time. They had all heard about Larry, but never really believed it. It seems for them, their enjoyment of Harry has really moved past One Direction, and they really appreciate his solo career now. They are 26 - 31 now and I think Harry has been able to mature with his audience, as opposed to just servicing teenage girls forever. My youngest did tell me that when I get home to go look in the closet of her old bedroom – she’s pretty sure there’s a One D shrine in there! Haha! I am getting out in a week thank goodness – but I’ll still be listening to Harry’s music and looking forward to his next recording very much. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed your blog and posts very much and wanted to say thanks!

I'm so glad that Harry (and this blog) added some cheer to your time recovering from your accident. So much painful physio needed after a broken leg and hip. My mum broke her arm and shoulder a year ago and still doesn't have much movement.

Your point about your teenage children made me realise that I should have clarified that the majority of the 'big Larries' inventing the theories were nearly all women without kids so their only reference point was their own childhoods in the No Homo 1980s.

[chthonicgodling]

man if im shifting (semi successfully I might add) back to tumblr as the Main Spot I really need to get my oc rambling back over here where it belongs instead of on my secret priv Twitter Lemme quick catch u all up on what’s happening to me right now—

last week or whatever I finally executive decisioned VERY EXCITINGLY for us that Pasi’s father is none other than !!!Dionysus!!!!!!! there’s a post about that somewhere on here >:)

and since then I have been 1) working out at long last the never before seen official polished Elysiumverse Dionysus design; 2) also scribbling together some loosely sequential comic pages that go along with this reveal for some added juicy characterization and scene setting, mostly just a venue for me to dump some dialogue snippets in a presentable format instead of leaving them in my notes app or floating in my head forever; and 3) just generally COMPLETELY fixated on dionysus in the elysiumverse in a quite frankly ANNOYING AND ALARMING way aaAAHGG

while reading fun facts about ariadne last night and this morning (fixated completely right now I’m telling you!!!!) (also I did not know she became the goddess of LABYRINTHS that’s very cool but also lowkey so MEAN) i then went on a little tangent that I’m straight up reposting from my twt rambling here too - ahem it’s that the crux of the, let’s say, imaginary Elysium show bible yknow —the big thematic whiteboard in my head if you will — is that most importantly, Olympians Are Assholes. full stop almost no exceptions. are they all morally gray and deeply nuanced figures as a whole? yes! is the elysiumverse the place to explore that?? ABSOLUTELY NOT it is (TAPS WHITEBOARD) Veeeeeery specific here about our MO!! as such i keep having to pull myself from the edge of daydreaming and straighten myself out, as in like even when they do nice things I have to reframe within the elysiumverse bc that’s. that’s the point.

Case in absoluteeee point right now as im daydreaming about di & ariadne today- a myth that I actually love and think is really sweet outside of our personal toybox - it’s like NO, NO, FOCUS, STOP IT, THEY’RE *ALL* THE BAD GUYS EVERY TIME. anyway-

In conclusion. Elysium ariadne design when. okay seriously though I’m so psyched to reveal Elysium!Di as I’m working on these comics I’m spending all my time just staring at the reference picture I made. get hyped he’s SO sick.

now we’re all on the same page xoxo

[golvio]

Now that I’m making an effort to stay on the expected story progression course instead of wandering out of fear of getting into major combat, something else I’m noticing from a game design standpoint is that…everyone here feels so…earnest.

I’d spent most of today wandering around the sister cities of Kakariko and Hateno, gathering sidequests and making an effort to go through everyone’s dialogue trees to try to get to know them a little better and take notes on anything I found interesting, and…even if some of them are kinda one-note asshats like the Cawlin-expy haunting the path to the inn or the mean gossipy housewives who’re blatant shoutouts to the gosspiy ladies on Windfall Island…they all very genuinely want to help you, to get to know you. Getting into that mindset Link has where he subconsciously remembered he came from here, that he already considered these people his neighbors even though none of them were alive before he died, it’s hard not to like them. And that’s saying something, considering Zelda has a tendency to not respect its NPCs very much, even though you’re tasked with saving them and their world.

Another thing I’m beginning to notice is how the devs use this earnestness to chain major and minor sidequests together. This time I’m making an effort to stick to the expected story progression of Kakariko > Hateno > Lanayru to avoid softlocking myself in terms of combat ability by overleveling the monsters, and it’s all felt very natural. For example, take Pikango. His first quest activates after you show your funky little camera app to Impa and she suggests traveling to the locations in each picture to jog Link’s memory. At that point, I’d already been to the fairy fountain, so the trek with him upward was just treading old ground. But then, at the end, instead of giving me a generic reward, he gave me information that was actually relevant and helpful to my next goal by giving me a hint as to where the first photo location is. A location that, in fact, is on the way to Lanayru, which is where I’m heading next. It didn’t feel like a waste of time at all, just a natural flow of information pointing me in a certain direction.

It reminded me of why I loved how Hollow Knight handled its NPCs. The “little people” around you might not be as powerful as you, or be on a grand quest, or maybe their story ended long before Ghost rolled into town, but they each were still respected by the narrative. Each of them had their own story, rather than just blatantly being a UI point for you to interact with for certain services or to move the story along. So when the time came for them to help you/you to help them, it felt less video gamey and more like two people deciding to help each other out for their own reasons. And nobody was a goofy “ignorant” character played as a joke, like how Wind Waker used “Triumph Forks” to make fun of characters who weren’t privy to the same secret knowledge you and the major players “in the know” were. In fact, nobody was truly “ignorant” at all. Everyone had at least one little piece of the bigger puzzle, even if they couldn’t see the rest of the pieces from their own limited perspective. In fact, it’s impossible to truly understand what’s going on in Hallownest without talking to everyone.

Granted, BotW still has a ways to go in the writing department before it can reach that level, but there were enough times when random folks surprised me with their insightfulness or earnestness that I’m looking forward to seeing where things go in the sequel.

But, also…seeing how “nice” the world outside and the people in it were reminded me of how sad I was about how un-personed and totally cut off from humanity Ganon was the first time through. How he’s referred to like an infection, a contaminant, a spot of decay on a once-healthy national body instead of a person. Not only that, but now I’ve got a question in my head that first seeded itself from the moment I started speculating on TotK’s backstory. Just how awful was the ancient world that Ganondorf would come to hate absolutely everyone in it? And to the point where, even after it ended, he continued to lash out at its people’s descendants in its memory, no less?

[forerussake]

Fic Writer Interview

i was tagged by the lovely @phantomhydeoftheopera! thank you fairy, i had a lot of fun thinking about these questions and trying to answer them well, as you can see by how long this post has gotten!! love yaaaaa

name/nicknames: on the internet I go by Eru, bc names are hard and this is in my handle everywhere anyway and i like it :)

fandoms: i’m currently mostly active in Guardian, DMBJ and Tolkien fandoms (and the occasional foray into the associated RPF and crossover tags on AO3), but I have also written before for the QZGS/TKA, Yin Yang Master (QYJ) and MDZS/CQL fandoms :)

two shots?: i haven’t written anything that worked in two chapters yet, if that is the question. I try to contain myself to one chapter unless the story warrants more, and if it does it has so far always been more than two.

most popular multi-chapter fic: that would be the one i wrote this year, a hand within a hand (holding light). the engagement with this fic really surprised me, bc i expected the outsider pov format and the fact that the stories are driven by and centrered around OCs to be really niche and only interesting to very few people, but i got consistently positive responses to it :)

actual worst part of writing: i don’t think there is any one part of writing that i think is the worst. every fic calls for different things and has different struggles. sometimes it’s getting started, sometimes it’s getting stuck in the middle, sometimes it’s the editing, sometimes the tagging, etc. it really depends.

how do you choose your titles: i have a folder on my phone that has pictures of poetry i come across on the internet with lines that would be good titles. when looking for one i often go through that before the final editing phase, and then fit the story around it (by adding lines or returning metaphors to integrate the title into the story if it doesn’t already fit perfectly). 

otherwise i like to take my titles from returning themes in the story itself, which often develop as i write. for example when i wrote in tune i found myself constantly referencing shen wei’s power being in tune or in time or in sync with something else (his heartbeat, his breathing, the storm outside), so in tune became the title, because it also references Weilan’s love for each other, which is the core of the story. 

occasionally i like to choose titles that reflect the core of the story in a more abstract way, like with Kaleidoscope (a rush of snapshots of Queer stories), and Spirometer (about breathing and/as the quantification/conceptualization of love). 

do you outline?: when i do multi chapter (or 5+1 or another story format with different sections) i like to outline a little bit at least. just give myself some notes on what the chapter or section should cover for the whole to work. i do have stories that i have outlined extensively, but none of those have ever seen the light of day as of yet, i guess because it makes them too daunting.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: hah, picking up where i left off at the last question. one of those extensively plotted stories fits this question as well. I call it the Yin Yang Master Metaphorical Serpent Modern!AU (MSM!AU for short), which is basically a modern day adaptation of that movie, but centred around Killing Stone and the other shishen, working off the basic premise that the Serpent isn’t a real entity but is instead a metaphor Qingming (who in this AU is their therapist) sometimes uses to conceptualize his patients’ various mental health conditions. ...it��s a rough one. but if i could actually write it someday..... it would be the best thing i’ve ever written.

other than that: the MDZS murder mystery fic :( it’s mostly plotted but yeah... different fandoms have drawn me in since 2020....

callouts @ me: dare to write short stories without derailing them into long ones. also: sometimes a fic doesn’t have to be perfect or be a fully coherent thematic whole. not all fics need your typical “onset, catalyst, climactic catharsic scene, and extensive thematic polishing ending”-structure. sometimes you can just write a little bit about trope bc it’s fun, and it doesn’t have to mean shit. 

best writing traits: i think i do really well at setting the mood for scenes, and developing themes and rounding them off. i’m very much a writer whose every choice of word and metaphor and descriptor tends to have a reason. if i mention a painting on a wall in scene 2, then you can be sure it will return somewhere, or i wouldn’t have mentioned it. i’m good at not leaving too many loose ends. 

spicy tangential opinion: is “there is nothing inherently (or, god forbid, morally) wrong with writing or reading RPF” a spicy opinion? bc then that. the problem with RPF fandoms is that alongside the normal people, there are too many people in them who have trouble differentiating the relationships they read and write about from the real actual people they are based on, and then try to carry the attitude they put into the writing of RPF on into their real life interactions with other people.

that is bad, but there is nothing wrong with writing RPF itself, as long as you keep it within fandom circles, in a closed-off and easily filtered space (such as AO3), and are able to acknowledge the fact that the people you write in your stories are merely characters you have created and are not a reflection of reality. we are authors, not omniscient creator-gods. also, these people’s actual private life is none of our fucking business and they owe us nothing. 

that became a bit of a rant, and this whole thing became quite long. sorry about that xD

tagging: @lucientelrunya @programmedradly @deathofsanity @shadaras @lunarriviera @sharkbeneaththelotus @omaenanimonoda @lynne-monstr @thedaughterofshadows @aredhel-of-doylkien @onmyo-jin  if you want to :)

[britneyshakespeare]

another tag

today is a twofer brought to you by @buddyhollyscurls

1. Are you named after anyone?

No :^) people have asked me before if I was named after Princess Diana but. No it’s just the only other name my parents could agree on for a girl. I’m the second born in a set of twins with two older brothers, so my parents never anticipated having to name another girl until they got the news.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Couple days ago over pain and health anxiety.

3. Do you have kids?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. But I have four chickens that I love dearly.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’m generally pretty witty and jovial but I’d say I’m less sarcastic than just silly and goofy. I’m not one of those people that sees sarcasm as the funniest sort of humor; I use it sparingly. I prefer to be the joke.

5. What sports do you play/have played?

NONE lol. But watching swordfights in Shakespeare plays recently (and also a cute artist’s model I used to have a crush on) has made me have passing thoughts of “what if I tried fencing...” (never gonna happen though, especially not now with my health being what it is)

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Physically or personality-wise? If someone meets me in real life they probably notice my red hair, I suppose, since that’s a rather rare trait. But I don’t post my face all that much, especially not anymore, so it’s not like everyone who interacts with me here would first notice that. They probably notice my eclectic mix of interests and eccentric personality first. 

Although in real life I’m very reserved; I don’t share much of myself. People often pick up despite that though that I’m rather intelligent, and I don’t say that as though *I* think I’m exceptionally intelligent, but that is the way people treat me automatically sometimes when I’m not necessarily trying to show off. Idk it’s weird. I’ve always very much been the “quiet smart girl” when that’s not what I feel best represents me. It’s a very limiting role to be assigned. It’s like being written off, in a way.

7. What's your eye color?

Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu... 

(that is a Vicky Leandros song)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies WITH happy endings. Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale.

9. Any special talents?

One could argue my poetry portrays some level of talent... cough follow @creatediana

10. Where were you born?

The Merrimack Valley region of New England. Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack all dressed in black black black. Fun fact that song is a reference to the Merrimack River and NOW YOU KNOW.

11. What are your hobbies?

Probably reading and writing are the major ones, but I’ve also enjoyed a lot of music in my life (both playing it and listening to it... but I’ve always been better at listening than playing). Acting and theater for a very short stint, although I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it ever again under the *very correct* circumstances (which would basically have to fall in my lap because I’m never seeking that shit out again). 

12. Do you have any pet?

My doggy Dickens who is a little bastard fucker and also my sweetheart. Dickens ‘n chickens.

13. How tall are you?

5′7″ but... I can get on my knees if you need me to be smaller

14. Favorite subject in school?

I loved all of them, truly. Especially in college, my enjoyment depended a lot more on the enthusiasm of my professor than the subject. But one thing I’ve learned to love more in recent years is science and the visual arts. Those always eluded me when I was younger. But back in the day my favorite classes were theater, English, Spanish, history, and my guitar classes. Typical humanities girly.

15. Dream job?

Job? Fuck you, pay me. 

I’m a schoolteacher.

I would like it better if it had more financial incentives and if there weren’t so many systemic failures in the education system.

I tag: uhhmmm let me see... I’ll do @sneez @david-watts @dylaissante @angelblooms @personshapedsplder @titoro @shecomesincolors @nebylitsa @porsiempretriste and @renjunnipeikko .... if you can HANDLE IT 

(or just if you want to)

(anyone can do this actually and tag me back I love you guys xoxox)

[caffeinated-beveraged]

Since I’m posting here again, I thought might as well post my old art. And by post, I mean roast because this whole thing is rawer than a freshly butchered chicken 💀 Roast under cut

Context: this comic was for a culminating art project. The theme for the culminating was mythology. I spent a majority of time given floundering around between options before settling on the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. No reason for choosing them in particular, they were just the first myth I thought of when thinking of classic Greek myths. Also I just reworded the myth from some random site, so I have no idea if my comic has inaccuracies.

The only real hurdle I had to face for this project was drawing humans. I had little experience with humans prior to this project. All the other projects we did for that art class were mainly still lifes and drawing buildings with respect to perspective. For projects that were more open in terms of the subject matter, I tried my hardest to avoid drawing a person. So with this project I was starting from square 1. Now, a person with a modicum of common sense would logically start this project a week before the deadline so they don’t submit the equivalent of a stick figure. Unfortunately I am not one with common sense. Instead I decided to start the project the Sunday evening before the due date 💀 Completely avoidable pain and torture that could had been averted had it not been my inability to keep a consistent schedule.

Anyways, let’s analyze the panels themselves. Here we have panel 1. Right off the bat, literally none of the words in the caption match what’s being depicted. What do you mean conscious objects??? There is literally nothing there!!! Just an ugly ass rainbow (with no colours I might add) in the background with Orpheus playing a few notes. This guy has nothing: no colour, no mystical beings, no conscious objects, no neck. This is just the consequence of running out of time. The only real improvement I’d make here is add more to the background. Not just with characters but also colour. Now not everything has to be in colour to look good. I think a majority of the panels are fine without colour as it is consistently used for the most part. But I did add some colour to the emotionally intensive scenes so it just makes this panel (which should be showing Orpheus’ extraordinary talent) look odd and out of place.

Oh boy panel 2. We get introduced to Eurydice and my god does she look awful. That hair just looks weird, it looks like I just scratched a few lines and called it a day. Also that typo is killing me…

Skipping the 3rd panel as I don’t have much to say. Anyways panel 4, Aristaeus being murder happy. Fun fact: I actually used a reference for Aristaeus so it doesn’t look too shabby. I honestly forget to use references for poses, not because I think I’m better than them, I often have a specific pose in mind and have a tough time finding a pose online that matches what I have in mind. For this one, I used a reference of myself which turned out nicely.

Eurydice cringefail moment. Imagine dying to a snakebite couldn’t be me. I like the aforementioned use of colour, just wish it was more saturated. I also like the blood stains. That’s all I have to say for these panels. … ok fine let’s address the elephant in the room. Eurydice has four toes. For some reason during this time period I could only draw rubberhouse style hands with 4 fingers. Which looks fine on a cartoony style but looks strange on the semi-realistic style I was going for. I guess that translated in the toes as well. Phalange are phalange I guess.

I’m just gathering all 3 of these panels and putting my thoughts on them together since this post is getting quite long. The 1st panel looks kind of bland, hardly any emphasis on Orpheus’ loss. Just some rain and a flat rectangle which is supposed to be the gravestone I guess. 2nd panel honestly looks pretty great, with out of doubt my favourite panel. The scratchy cross-hatching with the pen looks great. I also like Orpheus’ lyre attached to back (have no idea how it’s attached) And finally the 3rd panel! Oh lord… It kind of speaks for itself. I think the weirdly defined knuckles just make the hands look short and sausage-y. Also Hades hand’s actually have five fingers on them 🎉🎉 The pinkie is shoved awkwardly to the side but it’s still there so I take it as a victory

Skipped the weird chibi looking panel for post length sake. Consistency has utterly left the room this time. I was literally finishing this comic in the last ten minutes of art class 💀 also we do not talk about what’s going on with Orpheus’ and Eurydice’s hands

95% of the budget (and my pen ink) went into drawing Orpheus’ curls. Would ancient Greeks even have this hair phenotype I have no clue I am losing my mind. Also where did Orpheus’ lyre go. Consistency is my arch nemesis apparently. Honestly these panels are not too bad. Orpheus is looking a bit cross eyes in that 1st panel but otherwise it looks fine

Overall this comic is fine, nothing to write home about though. For a first real go at drawing humans it’s great. But the real thing that brings this comic down is just the lack of consistency and overall messiness. You can see on some of the panels I forgot to erase the pencil underneath. Mainly this is due to my lack of forward planning. I mean I got a passing grade and got the credit for this course so it’s a win I guess. I’m really interested in revamping this comic for fun one day, just to see how I’ve improved. Definitely on digital though. Stay tuned in for that in the unforeseen future👀

[wopersonal]

Let me tell you about that thing that happened a few weeks ago and that I promised some nice people on the internet I would write down in more detail than Twitter permits.

Since none of us was there for all of this, I’ve put the following together from the memories of three people.

Once again, my partner (F) and I were traveling with a very good friend (referred to as a Long Streak of Nothing – LSN) in the somewhat amusing constellation of being friends but also having them as our boss and client, and us being paid for stepping in if they’re about to do something ill-advised and making sure they’re getting through the weekend in one piece and, ideally, not coming out any worse for wear at the other end.

This particular situation vaguely started as we were doing our first day in the event, which was going reasonably smoothly for us while LSN had some fun trolling a buddy of theirs (not really my problem, if they’re saying he’ll be fine with it then I’m going to believe that until and unless proven differently). Among the event-typical issues that are barely avoidable, one thing stood out repeatedly: One of the other guests (G) didn’t seem to get along great with his assistant.

That’s where things are starting to get difficult for me as I have to keep reminding myself – not my circus…

Now, usually, we’re booked to provide the Pas (personal assistants) for the entire event and I’m located somewhere between team management and team lead – and in any case in a place where my job would include going over and asking if things are quite alright or if we need to swap PAs around in this that sort of situation. I’ve certainly done that in the past with other people.

In this case, we’re not part of the event operation as such, but ONLY LSN’s privately hired PAs, brought along because they have reasons to have little trust in the staff provided by the promoter. So a.) this is none of my business and b.) interfering with a running event as an outsider generally is NOT a great idea.

So the only thing to do is pull myself together – though in particular in light of the fact that G. is dealing with a body rendered widely uncooperative by a stroke suffered in the past and, for particular reasons had some more than usual difficulties controlling his own wheelchair that weekend, meaning that he had to doubly rely on his “PA”’s cooperation, there were a few moments where I was rather close to getting up and asking some questions after all. That’s the sort of situation where you just NEED a good fit – and when it’s my job to make sure that everyone has a PA by their side that they are comfortable with, that’d be the sort of situation I would have an extra-close eye on. As it is, I make myself stay put and remind myself G. is all grown up and likely perfectly well able to handle the situation. And anyway, most likely he’s bringing his own staff just as LSN does, and quite honestly, the way we interact with them isn’t always the most professional when viewed from the outside. We’ve been chastised by promoter’s staff for our way of talking to them before, too (needlessly so, but of course the promoter did not have any way of knowing that we’re not just hired staff but rather bordering on found-family-adopted siblings… which, yes, causes our interaction to be a good deal less professional than it would be with someone who’s “just” a client.)

From the beginning, our plan had been spending the night out in a pub with LSN’s previously-trolled buddy (B) and at least one of his local friends (Basti), with the latter choosing the pub. B’s extended the idea that – “the more the merrier” - we should use the big dinner to ask around and see who else might like to join us. Alright then.

The event closes for the day and we have the option of either going to hunt our own food or to joint the big pre-organized dinner for all staff. That’s where we go with B, sitting at a table with some of B’s colleagues who immediately agree to come along to the pub later. At one point, G. and his “PA” come in. They sit at a small table off to the side where they’re on their own. The three of us exchange some looks. It seems weird, but … circus and all of that. Surely he’ll speak up if he doesn’t want to do it that way, right?

At one point, B. loudly asks if anyone else would like to join us. Apart from his colleagues, there’s one other couple raising their hands – and so is G. His “PA” immediately starts gesturing “no” at him. Still not our circus. We nod his way, briefly go through the relevant items mentally: are we going to need an additional car due to greater space requirement, where to park for getting in, B., can you text Basti and ask if the pub is properly accessible, and if it isn’t to find another one? Thanks.

As the dinner is drawing to a close and everyone’s just sitting there chatting anymore, we decide it’s about time for us to get going. In 20 minutes, maybe? At this point, G. is sitting at his table all on his own. F. goes over to tell him we’re about to get ready to leave. He comes back to tell us that G. says he’s not coming but “it felt off”. Could one of us go over and ask (F.’s English is fine but he’s not a native speaker and he’s not always very confident in his language skills).

LSN gets up and goes over, half-expecting G. to simply be completely done in after a day of working the event – but he isn’t. If anything, he’s amused by the degree of exhaustion that bit of event is causing in several of the “Young People”. LSN asks if G. isn’t feeling like hanging out with us “Young People” then. G. says no of course that wouldn’t be a problem. LSN promises to shut up and leave if told to, but expresses some confusion about the change of decision, if G. isn’t tired and doesn’t mind the company. G. gives him a look and points out that “well, USUALLY the idea is that people ask [him] but it’s tacitly understood that [he] will decline so as to avoid giving anyone the feeling they’re excluding [him] on purpose and still not being in the way.” And that, yeah, he shouldn’t have said “yes” before.

LSN beckons us over, shares that. We make clear that if we’re inviting “free for all” then we MEAN “free for all” and G. is more than welcome to join. I say, maybe a bit impatiently, that really all I need to know is whether to park the car out front (little time to get in) or around the back (plenty of time to get in). G. looks back and forth between us with a sort of “Let’s see how you’ll wriggle out of this one” look and says: “Around the back.”

It’s sometime between 7:30 and 8 PM at this point, by the way.

People pack up. B. and I go to get the cars.

In the meantime, G’s “PA” returns, finds out that there has been a “change of plan” and goes OFF: No, there is NO WAY G. can come along with us, what an outrageous idea on his side (and ours) and ANYWAY if he’s done eating she’s going to take him to his room and put him to bed now. (All of that loudly in front of everyone still present.)

Erm.

LSN sends F. to go and tell B. and me that it’ll take a while. F., knowing me, tells me that I might want to come back in. B. joins us. We return to LSN and one Tom demonstratively blocking the path to the other door, while G. is trying to argue with his “PA”, who keeps cutting him off (talking is fine; talking *fast* is difficult).

She looks around, looks at ME – maybe because she thinks I look like I might be on her side or maybe because I’m the only other person in the group she thinks she can identify as female, who knows – and says: “Say something!”

There is exactly one thing I have to say in that situation, and I’ll gladly say that loud and clearly: You don’t send an adult person to bed at eight against their will and wish just because it’s convenient for you. Period.

LSN gives me a broad grin and notes that he’s happy to have seen me angry for once.

I inform him that the “escalator” has barely moved yet.

The “PA” points out that *she* wants her well-deserved evening off.

B. tells her in the most annoyed tone that she’s free to do that since she’s neither invited nor needed.

G. points out that she’s actually needed because he’s going to need help with a fuckton of things and won’t be able to get into bed without help later.

Brief coordination leads to the general consensus that we have plenty of people who can help out if he’s comfortable enough with having a total stranger help him. If not, that is, of course, understandable.

G. notes that most of the people present are far less of strangers to him than the lady is since HIS usual assistant had been unable to join him this weekend and this “PA” had been provided by the promoter, apparently hired from some local care agency. (And that explains more than it doesn’t about why things had seemed off – she didn’t have the first idea of *our* sort of job and very little interest in doing *hers* properly). G’s conclusion: Can’t be worse any worse than the last two days, let’s try this.

The ”PA” goes off again, claiming he’s her responsibility, and she couldn’t possibly NOT come along etc. etc.

This gets her exactly the same lecture I would give our own staff in this sort of moment – except that in that case I would have asked them to step outside before laying into them.

While she has a rare speechless moment, B. adds: Stay or come as you like, but *we* are going now.

=> Fast Forward, Pub.

Basti is waiting for us, we quickly explain why we’d taken that long. The “PA” has actually come along and does her best to be in the way.

The first attempt of placing orders is cut short because the waiter at our table clearly has issues with serving a visibly disabled guest. The entirely impossible “What’s he going to have” ends with switch of waiters to someone who is actually willing to do their job properly. (I have very little patience for this sort of thing, and the preceding part of that evening had not helped). Like most of the others, G. is ordering a glass of whiskey. The “PA” immediately cuts him off again, insisting that that’s entirely impossible and of course he can’t have any alcohol! LSN and F. had things to say about my facial expression there afterwards. I look at G., who waves his hand at me and says “Go on!” (at this point it’s clear that I am far harder to cut off or talk over than he is even if the other party is not cooperating).

I ask the “PA” if she’d like to step outside with me quickly.

She all but screams at me that she would certainly not do that, and suspects that I might not want everyone else to hear what I’m going to say to her.

Apart from the fact that they all know exactly what I’m going to say (or at least have a very good idea of it), that was meant to be one last bit of consideration for her rather than tearing her a new one in front of everyone. But I am happy to oblige. [Insert lecture on assistant’s job, decision-making rights of mature adults, limits of assistant’s competencies and a helping of ‘you may get some leeway in terms of enforcing promoter’s rules against your charge’s wishes WITHIN the event but this is not within the event, which means that the only person deciding what G. is doing or not is G. himself – and G’s assistant will either assist or get out of the way. The poor waiter, who was still standing there, may have caught a strongly worded reminder that the things to be served were to be the things ordered by the people who are going to drink them. That one may not have been necessary. Sorry for that. And yes, that is entirely irrespective of my own thoughts about the necessity of alcoholic beverages.] (Also, this was G.’s last day of the event, so the risk of him having to suffer for it the day after was non-existent. Had that been differently, a more diplomatic approach surely would have been in order.)

“PA” leaves, slamming the door behind her. Half an hour later she’s back with one of the promoter’s people who tried to tear into ME … and in return got a detailed breakdown of things going on and being asked if he actually meant to tell us it was fine to impose an 8-PM-curfew on someone or telling them what to order/drink, etc. (G. once again pointed out that he’d already told her that she could have her night off, he’d manage, and that she wasn’t in any manner required to hang out with us here). At that point, the promoter’s rep pulled her outside for a talk and then apparently left, while she came back and sat at a different table, casting dark glances at us for the rest of the night.

The thing I find the most shocking about the entire evening is G. saying at one point that that was the first time in a decade or so that he was just spending a night out in the pub with people for other than work reasons.

(There were some more bits following that, but that’s another story, to be told another day).

[lunapwrites]

For the tarot game: 4, 14, 21, and 22!

Hello!!

4 - Have I ever gotten a deck as a gift?

I have! Two, as a matter of fact. As I mentioned in my previous ask, one (the Archaeon deck) was just sort of given to me after my friend realized I was a better fit for it than she was, but the other one - my first one - I received as a gift for my thirteenth birthday. I still have this deck, though I don't tend to use it often (it tends to be a bit of a yes-man, and just tells me what I want to hear.) However, the art style was super unique - all collages and quilting patterns. I also recall that the pages and knights were referred to as princesses and princes, which has always thrown me off a bit, but then I am realizing that none of my decks call pages the same thing, so. Here we are lmao.

14 - What's something that will make me nope out on a deck immediately?

Hmmm, this is tough, since I don't have a ton of experience with decks I don't already own. But I have come across a few where for whatever reason the imagery just makes my skin crawl. Not because they're horror decks (I love horror decks!) but because something just isn't sitting right with me. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to that. I also tend to try and stray away from exact duplicates of the Rider-Waite imagery, since I just don't connect with the symbolism there.

21 - When I'm considering getting a new deck, what do I look for? Art style, physical feel of the cards, deck theme, any particular card whose design you always check?

So, the only deck that I've purchased for myself is the Linestrider deck, so I can really only speak to my experience on that occasion. It's mostly art style - I love when cards are beautiful, and I have an easier time (in general) connecting with imagery when I enjoy looking at it lol. What drew me to the Linestrider deck, for instance, was the watercolor style. It was so much lighter and airier than my existing two decks, and as I've learned more about it, I find that the symbolism tends to be clearer, and I can differentiate between positive and negative associations better. That's an experience I'll be carrying with me into future deck acquisitions. But the next thing that I tend to look for is general theme - there's a deck that I recall seeing years and years ago that was Fairy themed, but also that the cards had different artistic styles depending on whether you were viewing them upright or reversed - Seelie and Unseelie courts. I have always loved that concept, and the clear visual cue of "here's what this represents" in a way that doesn't leave me digging for the book lol. But the Linestrider deck had a nature theme that I really felt I needed more of - lots of plants and animals. It's a very soothing deck to use.

22 - Free space

Ooooh fun haha. I suppose I can talk about how over the years I've been fascinated by the process of discovering the different "personalities" of my decks. As mentioned above, my first deck really has a tough time telling me anything I don't want to hear - it's not one I can use to read for myself, and since that's how I tend to practice... well, it's been seeing a lot of the inside of its bag. :( I may take it for a spin soon and see if we can't work on that, seeing as it's been probably about a decade lol. My Archaeon deck is rude. Not necessarily in a bad way, though... it's just very blunt, and it has ZERO qualms about telling me I'm being an idiot about something. It also tends to "throw" cards at me during shuffling, which I will set aside as additional "advice" lol. The Linestrider deck... I'm getting the sense that it's a bit more self-contained, and doesn't seem to mind as much if I get the message it's giving me right away or not. Accuracy-wise it is fairly close to the Archaeon deck, but it leaves a lot more room for interpretation, and half the time I only get the message in retrospect. I'm getting a bit better about this, though, and it's been a fantastic tool to use in terms of deepening my understanding of the cards themselves.

It's like... if all of these decks were teachers, my first deck is like a kindergarten teacher, while my other two are the two flavors of high school teachers: the straight-talking one that admits that you're probably never going to need to know wtf Avogadro's Number is past the final, and the one that challenges you to think for yourself instead of feeding you the exact answers you need. It's a nice combination.

Thank you for the ask!