#also does anyone have any advice for getting a diagnosis or do I just have to keep playing along with whatever the latest doctor wants

[spam-and-or-vent-account]

Everyday I get closer to posting all my symptoms online and asking what people think. Might actually get an answer within 6 years if I do that :)

[libraford]

Here's what's going on in Ohio right now. Heavy stuff ahead.

First, I want to apologize for the misinformation in my original post. I am still learning about legislative processes. To correct: the changes to ODH and OMHAS in regards to gender therapy are not a bill, they are changes in regulations.

This is important because citizens CAN affect rule changes. There is an open commentary period where your submissions get counted and can affect how they write new regulations.

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, legal advocate, or medical professional. I'm just a dude who had to have it all explained to me.

The first one is Ohio Mental Health and Addiction Services. The rules proposed would make the already prohibitive process of gender transition even harder. In order to diagnose and treat gender dysphoria, a hospital needs to have a board certified psychologist per patient, a board certified endocrinologist familiar with the age group being diagnosed per patient, and a medical ethicist overseeing the hospital's plan for transition. 'Board certified' does not guarantee that the specialist is trans-friendly. It must include a detransition plan. Hospitals would have to report compliance annually. The professionals must have a contractual relationship with the patient, but do not need to offer in-person care. (In this instance, I'll get to that in the next rule change.)

This rule also deems it impermissible to prescribe gender transition care (this includes hormones, puberty blockers, or drugs) for anyone under the age of 21 without the approval of the professionals mentioned and 6 months of therapy.

There is an exception for intersex people, who may have their sex assigned to them without their consent.

The open comment period for this ends January 19 at 5pm.

Send an email to MH-SOT-rules@mha.ohio.gov with the subject title: "Comments on Gender Transition Care Rules."

The second one is Ohio Department of Health and it repeats a lot of the same as the first one. However, the focus is more on the regulation of doctors and paperwork. Anyone seeking transition will be put into a registry with their name redacted, but demographics like age, agab, specific diagnosis (difficult to achieve with the new regulations mentioned above), and any medications (not just related to gender transition, but any medications at all). Any cessation of care must be reported within 30 days.

This is a lot of paperwork and can overburden hospitals.

That 30 days cessation is important because if a person transfers doctors or if a clinic closes and the paperwork isn't filed, it may count as a 'detransition' when tallying demographics, even if that is not the case.

But what's curious is that the ODH regulations DO require in-person care. The rules are contradictory and vague.

The comment period for this ends Feb 5th.

Send a comment through the ODH website

Here are some important things that were mentioned at the meeting:

This is a good time to be personal with your statements. If this would disrupt your life in any way, please say so. "I fear that" "I believe this" "I worry that"- these are great ways to start your comment. An example one person gave is "I worry that this change in regulations would force me and my daughter to move out of state.'

With that being said, anything that you send to these sites will be public record, so be cautious about what you reveal about yourself in your comment.

If you are in need of help, please reach out to one of these resources:

Trans Ohio Emergency Fund Resource Page

Kaleidoscope Youth Center

If you are in need of legal advice on how to navigate all this, please call

888-LGBT-LAW

This is not everything. There is unfortunately more because Ohio decided to break a record this month with anti-trans motions. But today I'm focusing on things that we can take action on.

[problem-project]

Calling all individuals with hEDS:

I'm starting to think there's a possibility I have hEDS, but the doctor brushed me off about it before I could really explain why I even think I could have it. I'm going to add on this post,my current evidence I have that makes me believe I could have it, but there is more I haven't fully documented.

My first reason for believing I could have hEDS is because I've had joint pain my entire life, including as a small child. I had to wear a knee brace throughout middle school because my kneecap would move too much during gym class, and I was in intense pain. Going onto high school, I ended up needing to be dismissed from gym all together because any type of running would flare up a migraine, which turns out was because I had undiagnosed Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension at the time (can often be comorbid with hEDS.) Now I am slowly getting to a POTS diagnosis which can also be comorbid with hEDS. I also still experience growing pains in my hips, knees, and ankles as an adult, which is not normal. I also get chronic ankle pain from driving, and I have severe lower back pain nearly every day. Now, onto the symptoms you can see:

1. Hypermobile joints

2. Thumbs can touch my arms

3. Stretchy (?) Skin

4. TW feet lol but visible fat pads/papules in my heels

Now this is just what I've compiled so far, and I'm sure I can add more in the future, but does anyone who's been diagnosed with hEDS think I should keep pushing my doctor? I don't know if I could just have a mild form of it or if I'm just looking too hard for an explanation to my symptoms and pain? I want advice on what I should do and if I should keep pressing for someone to look into this. I just want an answer for my pain.

[cripplecharacters]

hello! do you have any advice on writing disabled characters in historical setting? specifically characters, whose diagnosis hadn't been discovered yet (for example I have a character with pots but they live before 1982)

Hi,

I love historical fiction, and know this can be a little tricky, because of course disability of various kinds has always existed and conditions are real before they’re named.

But you have options!

The most important thing, I would say, is describing the aspects of the condition and your character’s feelings and behavior around it (how they manage it, what they notice about it). You can also describe other people’s responses to how they feel and act.

You should definitely describe how your character feels about their condition. Do they wish there were others like them to talk to, do they actually already have a community of people similar to them, or do they wish no one else has what they have? Do they wonder if anyone they know is like them, or think they must be alone? Maybe they feel like their condition not a big deal at all and just an inconvenience, or maybe they feel really hindered by it and it greatly upsets them, or maybe they’re somewhere in between and sometimes get really frustrated and sometimes they feel it’s just a thing that happens.

And of course the answers to all of these will be different depending on your time period—someone with POTS in 1795 will manage their symptoms differently than someone with POTS in 1968, and the same goes for all conditions. But for POTS specifically, without naming it:

For the symptoms you can describe your character noticing that whenever they stand or sit up they feel their heart race and they feel dizzy or faint. They might not know why, but they’ll know how their body reacts.

You can describe what they avoid doing because they’ve noticed it makes them feel worse—maybe they take showers that are less hot, or go out as little as possible when it’s very hot/humid out, or maybe they don’t drink alcohol or coffee. Maybe it’s bad enough they can’t do some sort of work that is expected of them at their home, or their job, or school.

You can describe what they do because it makes them feel better—maybe they drink a lot of water, maybe they buy socks a size smaller because they noticed it makes them feel a little better, maybe they always give themselves an extra half hour to get anything done so they can stand or sit up more slowly. Maybe they take over someone else’s specific work because they can manage that better and trade with them.

As to other character’s reactions, some characters may be positive and always offer your character their arm when they’re standing so they can worry less about fainting. Some might be pretty neutral and just ask them why they never go grab a beer with them. Some might be negative and roll their eyes whenever your character needs extra time or to sit down for a bit.

People with POTS and similar conditions will recognize themselves in your character’s actions and reactions, and it’s very possible that people who have friends or family or people they know with POTS or anything similar will think “oh that’s kind of like what John Doe has.” And even if they don’t, they’ll still have read a realistic and respectful story about someone with a disability.

This goes for any disability, not just POTS. Just swap out the symptoms and ways to manage it and characters’ reactions accordingly.

Something you can choose to do, but you don’t have to do, is add a note at some point (but probably either at the end or the beginning of the story) that your character has what today we would know as POTS.

For an example I’ve seen in real life (not POTS related but about disability in general), I read a book set in the early 20th century in an institution, The Degenerates by J. Albert Mann. Since it’s a different time period, characters are referred to by terms we don’t use anymore at all or not in the same way, and many characters have conditions that we know about today but were not known at all at that time. What the author did was describe the characters’ actions (and thoughts, if they were the POV character), as well as how others reacted to them. At the end there was an appendix describing what each character might have been diagnosed with today, if anything at all (since not all people ended up at asylums because of an actual condition and some were just poor or Othered in some other way).

Thank you for your thoughtful question! I feel like I rarely see characters in historical fiction who have basically any disabilities, but thank you for wanting to create some :)

Good luck!

— Mod Sparrow

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for putting down my foot about staying at home to keep the family peace?

I (14F) have a younger brother (11M) who's autistic. His diagnosis states that he needs to have everyone close to him at all times, needs to know what everyone is doing, and needs to be able to participate in everything. Also he's generally a little asshole.

Before y'all start on with the "he's autistic he can't help it", let me state that sure, there's a certain amount he can't help. BUT he's also allowed to basically rule the household, so he's literally an asswipe just because he knows he can get away with it. I've been homeschooled my whole life, not allowed to do any extracurriculars, etc., because of him. He has literal screaming, throwing things, crying fits whenever anyone even mentions leaving the house or doing anything without him.

We literally have to do stuff like go to the grocery store as a family. I've lost most of the friends I have managed to make just because he's always with me and he's so fucking annoying. I tried telling my parents 90% of his behavior issues are based off the fact that they let him act the way he does, but they won't listen.

So I'm going to be in high school this spring, and I want to go to our local public school and just be a normal teenager. My parents say no, because of my brother. I'm seriously at the end of my rope. I was so depressed throughout middle school because all my neighborhood friends went off to school and I was stuck at home with my family 24/7. I don't know what to do anymore.

So would I be the asshole if I stuck my feet in the muck and stayed there until they let me go to high school and be a normal human? (advice in the comments is welcome too plz help)

What are these acronyms?

[genderkoolaid]

advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”

i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.

but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/

i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.

sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀

There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.

If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.

So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!

The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.

This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.

But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

So... I got diagnosed with diabetes earlier today.

I also have a past with disordered eating. Not gonna say I have an eating disorder, because I never got diagnosed, never even told anyone to this day, and I've also been able to stop myself from going too far... Until now. The urge to restrict is hitting me hard, and I don't know how I'm going to navigate this. It feels like my life is already over because this is too thin a tightrope for me to walk.

Do you have any advice, or even comfort, to offer?

Oh that's really hard and scary! A major diagnosis like that can feel really life-changing and upending. I won't deny that it's not easy to live with a lifelong medical condition. But I will tell you that a lot of people do. I know it's tough, especially with a history of disordered eating. Just breathe, and take it one day at a time.

I will say it's okay to grieve the life you had before you got this diagnosis. It's so much easier to live without a lifelong illness. And I'll acknowledge the reality that as of right now, diabetes does not have a cure, so the diagnosis you're getting right now looks to be lifelong and that means the end of the freedom you knew before, life without this condition. But people do it. It's hard, but they do.

You don't deserve to have to restrict. People get sick. Diabetes is a highly misunderstood condition and because of that it is highly stigmatized, but you are so much more than this disorder and you deserve to eat well and live the best life you can live. And you will live so much better if you eat well and in accordance with the needs of your body. Your doctor may have some advice about that - depending on if you have type 1 or type 2, you may have a specific diet and/or medical plan that is recommended to you. My advice would be to devote some time to finding foods that you like within the diet plan recommended by your doctor, so that you are still able to find joy in food while also taking care of your body's needs and helping it to feel the best it can. But restriction/starvation will not help you, especially now. You can really harm yourself if you throw your blood sugar levels out of whack, but you will feel much more healthy and well if you practice keeping them steady. It's something you will learn to do over time as you feel out what works for your body. And you can do it, because you deserve to feel well.

When you get the urge to restrict, remind yourself that a diet plan is not a punishment. You didn't do anything to "deserve" this condition and you don't have to do anything to harm yourself about it. The plan recommended by your medical professionals is just a way to help your body feel its best and reach its best outcome, something you have to remind yourself you still deserve. You may even still be able to have certain treats in moderation - ask your doctor about that, and how to manage that in accordance with your body's needs. Remind yourself that moderating is not because certain foods are "bad" or that you don't deserve them, but because your body has certain needs now and you are listening to your body to make yourself feel your best.

(You're also allowed to be frustrated about your body having more restrictive needs now than it did in the past. Sometimes, your body expressing limitations is frustrating and it still sucks. But it is self-care to work with your body and make it feel its best, so that YOU feel YOUR best.)

I hope you find other people who also have diabetes to help give you advice and support, to commiserate when it gets frustrating, and to help you navigate life with this condition as you try to feel out what your body can and cannot do. It can be a really big help to have other people out there just living their lives with a medical condition to help you feel like you can do it too. You're not the first person who has felt this way about this diagnosis and you deserve solidarity.

You can message again if you need. Sending love and support. Take care of yourself, and don't give up!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 15

defined anon (new), weird emoji anon (new), masking anon (new), ambulance anon (new), any pronouns anon (new)

defined anon

Hey Cas, hope you're doing good.

Just a question, how do I go up to a therapist and say 'you know I have maniac and depressive episodes sometimes and when does depressive periods hit I can't even attend class which is really not good for my education but you know it's not a big deal' because well I fear a diagnosis might make things worse, I don't know but I kinda don't wanna be defined by a diagnosis. Maybe it sounds crazy but I think people might treat me differently if I'm ever diagnosed but I'm also aware that not doing anything about is really not helping me and I do need help.

Also I sometimes thing that people genuinely think I'm lying about anything I ever say so what happens of the therapist actually doesn't believe me and thinks I'm making up the entire thing and I end up not actually getting help. Honestly it sucks to be me, and I'm just so tired of this

Hi!

Okay so I think the idea of being defined by a diagnosis is kind of a myth in a lot of ways because...you don't have to tell anyone. Obviously you face the risk of medical professionals treating you differently, but I think that's less and less likely as people learn more about mental health. And for everyone else- don't tell them of you don't want to! Ad as far as any teachers who might need to know for school accommodations- if they treat you differently, they could literally be fired. So if they do, PLEASE tell on them.

As far as thinking you're faking- if they think you're faking, they're a shit therapist. Therapists are supposed to take everything overly seriously, because they have your life in their hands. if your therapist doesn't take you seriously, you need a new therapist.

I know it's scary to share things like that but it's so worth it when you get the help you need. If you're nervous about what to say, try writing a letter and giving it to them! That way you can think it out and you don't have to say it out loud!

Please think about giving it a try. You deserve help <3

__________

weird emoji anon

I think I have a crush on one of my closest friends 😭����why is everything so confusing

I think I've liked her for a few weeks at least.

I'm really bad at telling platonic from romantic attraction but I think about her all the time and I just realised that I heart like half of her messages which I didn't notice before 😬(why does that emoji looks so weird👀)

I feel really safe with her and I have no idea if that safety is reciprocated. I've been having a hard time recently but anytime she's at school I feel so much better and when she's not there I feel sad and I'm so confused.

I definitely haven't thought about any of my friends this much before.

I'm not even up to the stage of thinking about telling her or anything but I've never dated anyone before.

I can't say anything too revealing about her but she's so amazing I cannot express it and she's always there for all her friends. I'm in literal awe.

<3

Hi! It definitely sounds like you care a lot about her. Remember that there's no rush to figure out exactly HOW you care (or to tell her). Be gentle with yourself and let yourself figure it out in your own time. No matter what, it sounds like you have an amazing friend, and that's something to celebrate.

___________

masking anon

Hiya! I was wondering if you had any advice on disassociating and autistic masking? Im trying to focus on becoming a better person and who I really am and I’ve realized that I’ve been very not present in life? I’m always daydreaming or thinking of something else or not feeling grounded. And I was also wondering if you had tips on unmasking and learning who I can and can’t unmask around? I always feel like I’m performing and being neurotypical, even when I’m alone in my own room, and it doesn’t feel good.

Even when I don’t use my phone, and do some hobbies, I just very untethered.

I hope your day is going well, goodbye! 🫶✨

Hi!!

This is a hard one because I honestly am still seeking out a diagnosis myself (We're not sure if I have autism, ADHD, or both) and also working through like...what behaviors I have that are masking and what aren't. And I know that I disassociate very easily so I'm probs not the best person to ask.

But for friends...I think the thing that helps me is first, making friends based on like interests. Because like...it's easier to find neurodivergent people that way. Which, don't get me wrong, you can be friends with neurotypical people! But I think it's easier to unmask with neurodivergent people.

And then just...unmasking a bit at a time? Like casually mentioning something small that you would normally hide and seeing how they take it? And if they take it well, then mention something else lol.

And then as far as grounding/unmasking...I think having safe places, safe strategies, and safe people helps, and also making time every day to access those safe things. Like at work, I always refuse to give up my break, because I NEED that time to go in a quiet room and write, because it's grounding for me. If I have a long day, I try to find time to sit with my wife because she's a safe person. Prioritizing self-care, you know?

I'm not sure if this is helpful because this is a struggle area for me...

___________

ambulance anon

Hey I am trying to not to freak out at the moment, and decided writing is a way.

Waiting for an ambulance rn.

Hi <3

I'm so proud of you for using writing as a healthy coping mechanism! Please lmk how you're doing now if you're able!

__________

any pronouns anon

I have no idea what to do because I like this girl right but we’re really close friends and I know she doesn’t like me baxk because I got my friend to ask if she liked me bc we seemed like a good couple and she said “I love her but not romantically” and I don’t know what to do with it because I might end up being in love with her and I don’t want to ruin our friendship I am struggling. And I really thought we had a chance because of how we acted but it was all wrong like what??

(Any pronouns for me btw JUSR letting u know)

Hi!

Well it sounds like she probably doesn't feel the same way. I think right now, the best thing to do is to work through those emotions. Watch romance movies, complain about your feelings to other friends, cry about it if you need to. Don't stuff it down, but pursuing it probably isn;t a good idea. Eventually, something will happen and things will change. But it's okay to feel the way you feel and you're welcome to vent about it to me if you want!

[librarycards]

whats yr advice how autistic trans ppl seeking a diagnosis should proceed in these deeply transphobic & transmisogynistic times, theres legistlation the juncture btwn transphobia & ableism? for reference Im a TME 1st yr undergrad who is seeking accomodations for ASD and I got interim accomodations before medical documentation but Im not sure if I can opt out of a prof dx or if I want to? I'm really conflicted bc I got "away" with just saying im trying to get accomodations since I started 1/?

2/? at the school (school is on turtle island) but Im not sure if I can defer constantly bc it leads to me having to approach teachers awkwardly - I can't always make it to office hrs - & im fined if i miss dr appointments to assess me. i live in "canada" but there's pretty fucking scary waiting lists & legislation here too imho; I'm not really sure how to navigate these academic and medical contexts when it can influence how easily i can get gender affirming care and letters of mental health 3/3 also i would appreciate anyone providing any tips for TMA ppl as well ofc!! it's crucial for all trans ppl esp the ones most marginalized comprehend the drawbacks of a prof dx if someone is seeking it! i just wanted to be mindful of describing my unique circumstances (also i'm a racialized settler) when receiving advice. i can go off anon & message you too however i know tumblr's not... great as a messaging service or in general

ty for sending and for your patience! okay, this is very complicated and YMMV.

what i'm hearing is that you're weighing the risks vs benefits of going without an autism dx / possibly (?) having easier access to medical transition, vs. receiving a prof dx and having a more difficult time. this is something that i thought about, too, when i was going through the process - i got my 'gender dysphoria' and autism diagnoses around the same time, when i was 18, and i specifically sought the autism one in order to have undergrad accommodations (i already knew I was autistic and had been in autistic community).

for me, and perhaps for you, the accommodation thing was less of a 'my life would be easier' and more of a 'i don't think i'd make it through college without these.' they were mostly housing-based for me, and made it possible for me to live on campus without constant crisis. if you have similar absolute needs for accommodations, i do think you should seek out the formal paperwork. universities are bureaucratic nightmares designed to disadvantage disabled students (and faculty, for that matter) and you need to have every tool in your arsenal to fight back.

i can't speak to transition-related care in canada, but i assume this aspect is similar to the us: providers run the gamut from more to less accepting of (for example) autistic clients, and a diagnosis does not 100% foreclose access to transition. i'm an example of this! i don't think it's worth it to sacrifice your education for the possibility (not guarantee) of a slightly easier time with trans care w/o an autism dx. getting healthcare as a trans person is hard all-around anyway, and i think it's a much more logical choice to get the dx and associated accommodations, and then spend more time researching autism-friendly surgeons (and neurodiversity-affirming therapists to write you the letters necessary for approval).

the only caveats to what i said above are 1) if you could get assessed for another diagnosis that would allow for the same or similar accommodations (many different dx's qualify for extra time, a note-taker, etc etc). if you are committed to getting the surgical/hormonal intervention you want right now, another (risky) option would be to prioritize that and delay university - i don't recommend this whatsoever, but it's there.

my greatest piece of advice is to look frankly at your life and ask, what can i survive, and for how long? can you survive university unaccommodated? can you survive an education put on hold? can you survive a year, two, or five without transition care? these answers will be different for everyone, *and* there is no guarantee that the roadblocks you face as a diagnosed autistic trans person will be exponentially higher than an undiagnosed trans person (sometimes, it's just hard regardless).

one final note - your professors should be available via email to make appointments with you outside office hours. this is part of their job - every semester, some students will not be able to make office hours and still need appointments. i highly recommend speaking to profs as needed about alternative times to meet with them.

so, yeah, that's my 2¢. best of luck <3

[libraford]

hello!

do you mind if i ask you for some tips & helps for beginners when it comes to tarot an witchcraft in general? i’m never sure what’s like an actual thing or someone pulling the whole “you’re not autistic you’re actually just a *insert wildly weird thing here*” if that makes sense?

it’s completely ok if you don’t want to answer this btw c: either way please an thank you & good luck with your drag show 🖤

Ummm, I'm not great at beginner tips because my practice is so personal and required so many years of going 'wtf am I doing' that unfortunately most of my advice is 'do some shit, learn hard lessons, try not to hurt anyone in the process.'

So the thing that's happening with the 'you're not (condition), you're (fictional creature)' rhetoric is, essentially, new age eugenics.

Psychology is a fairly new science and there's a lot of people who outwardly don't believe in it. Like they'll believe in pop-psychology that's easily disprovable ('if you chew on ice that means you have an oedipus complex' is one I've heard) but when it comes to things that are actually part of the field like... diagnoses for depression, anxiety, trauma- people start getting weird about it.

Where it comes from could be any number of things, but if you go back just... even ten years the culture surrounding openly talking about diagnoses is completely different. And I think that for a lot of people, having a diagnosis for why your brain does the thing it does means that they have to answer some hard questions for themselves.

There is also some distrust of medication (there have been some... not great medications for depression and ADHD in the past) as well as good old fashioned family ableism.

So. The easiest way to deal with this is to pretend that mental illness does not exist.

And make some rather... interesting conclusions to explain why people are a little strange. They're aliens. They're fairies. They're witches. They're part of an ancient race. They're from another dimension. They're reincarnations of ancient goddesses. They're shards.

If you believe these things for yourself, that's fine. If this helps you navigate your world better and hurts no one, I have no problem with it. It could be true and I wouldn't know it- fuck, I don't know the secrets of the universe.

If it works for you.

Unfortunately-

There are thousands and thousands of terrible books about how to treat your starseed child, your indigo child, your crystal child. And it is exceedingly common that these phrases are used to deny a child proper medical care. It dehumanizes them. It makes them 'other.' Its already difficult to socialize a child- now they're special magical children who don't need to be socialized. And these books sell. And they sell and they sell and they sell...

I am not a scholar in this field- I have just been to places, seen things, and listened to people.

But here's a recent paper linking starseed talking points to far-right extremism that will ruin a lot of New Age rhetoric for you forever.

I realize that my thoughts derailed there... which would be the ADHD. But in terms of what should you do when you're just starting out with witchcraft? Read as much as you can, listen to as many people as you can, but decide for yourself what's true and what's a load of hog shit.

[justyourtypicalwriter]

ask game ✨ for uhh everyone you wanna answer these for: 👿🧸🏳️‍🌈 :3

Omg this didn’t save before

👿-How do they cope with ableism?

Wendy:

“You don’t look like you’re disabled.”

“Mmmm well by saying that *proceeds to go on a thirty minute rant about how that harms the community by making more people believe stereotypes*”

Stan:

I feel on a good day he’d just ignore, ignore, ignore until the problem goes away. On a bad day he might have a bit of a panic attack but it is what it is

Kenny:

He’d laugh, maybe make some semi inappropriate jokes about it for the most part. That is until someone tries to grab at his dog, I feel like he’d have a complete mood switch and start spewing out their full name and address and doxx them or something😭

Kyle:

“You don’t look like you’re disabled.”

“You’re nose doesn’t look broken-“

He then proceeds to get them both kicked out of the store

Bebe:

Would call the ableist person every slur under the sun and record herself doing so to post on TikTok…or stomp on their foot if she’s in heels

Cartman:

Doxx them but also make death threats against their families. Where do you think the doxx list came from?

Clyde:

Probably show off some kinda goofy ass thing he can do because of his hyper flexibility like the hEDS king he is to scare them off…then whine about it later-

🧸-Do they have a comfort item?

(THIS IS CREEPY BC I WAS JUST WRITING ASSIGNING THE KIDS COMFORT ITEMS😭)

Wendy:

This big ass fluffy hoodie that’s honestly big enough to cover her like a blanket. It’s one of those fleece lined ones with a hood too

Stan:

Oof uhm I was gonna say Sparkys dog tags because he wears them a lot after he dies but I have a feeling he should have something else too…

Kenny:

I’m surprised I haven’t mentioned this one before but it’s a little odd. It’s a hand sewn stuffed possum made from scraps from his friends old clothes. Kenny got hand-me-downs from them on occasion and knew that they weren’t exactly Karens style, so he repurposed them

Kyle:

Soft things. Preferably stuffed animals (in specific this stuffed fox he has). He seems like someone who’d appreciate soft things like that

Bebe:

A plush deer she was gifted from Wendy! It’s cute and has a pink bow!

Cartman:

His goofy ass dolls and stuffed animals. Live laugh love Clyde Frog

Clyde:

Idk he seems like a weighted blanked type guy. When he was little he probably tried to used one to build a blanket fort or something. But it didn’t fucking work because they’re WEIGHTED and Clyde’s a dumbass, instead it collapsed the whole fort and probably knocked a chair ontop of him

🏳️‍🌈-A random headcanon about them and their disability

(I’m just gonna answer more from the list lmao😭)

Wendy:

😺 - Is there anything they enjoy about being disabled?

Designing gear designs for Nike! Especially if it’s a bad day and she can’t really do anything

Stan:

❤️ - Would they have any advice for someone else struggling with their disability?

‘Someday you’ll find someone who wholeheartedly believes that you matter’

Kenny:

🌞 - What does a 'good day' look like for them? Is there anything they like to do on their good days?

Picnics with the rest of the m5 at Starks Pond! Just being able to look at the animals with Butters, or swim in the pond with Stan, or listen to Kyle point out all the different types of plants or roughhouse with Cartman is what he cherishes the most!

Kyle:

📋 - Are they diagnosed? Do they want a diagnosis?

Kyle is diagnosed! Not like he wanted it, the motherfucker just wanted to be treated normally

Diabetes at 4, PTSD & ARFID at 11, and POTS at 13

Bebe:

🌻 - Do they do anything that helps manage their disability? (Ie medication, hot and/or cold patches, set sleeping times, ect)

Salty snacks EVERYWHERE. I kid you not there’s some kind of salty food stashed in almost every room of her fucking house

Cartman:

🧑‍⚕️ - Do they have a carer or anyone who helps with their disability? What are they like?

I guess I’d have to say Dolly. She’s a little rat shit but she adores him and he adores her

Clyde:

🦾- How does their disability effect their daily life? How do they overcome some of the struggles thrown at them?

I’d have to say random dislocations although there’s plenty of shit his ass has to deal with every day

[mental-ch-illness]

um i really don't know who to ask about this so i hope you don't mind this here. im in a capital b Bad place rn, not necessarily mentally but productivity-wise i am non-functional. have known i am autistic for years now but recently finally got a diagnosis which opened up new help routes from the govt. i love with and am entirely reliant on my parents. im supposed to be a student but can't attend school bc Fuck Up.

my parents are suffering so much bc of me and are very uneducated about autism and everything is really difficult for us right now. we are a large family and so far treatment for me had cost SOOOOOO MUCH and im still not getting any better. my parents discovered ABA therapy and want to put me through it. they don't understand anything about the negatives they are just desperate for things to get better no matter what it costs on my end (which makes sense since im the one putting them thru this). i know they love me but it hurts a lot knowing how little they understand when they things like "well why can't you just do that" when they learn what masking is (i already do and also it's painful and that's such a shitty solution).

im so scared they're gonna make me do ABA and it's really expensive (you sign up for a chunk of sessions at a time and each one is 8k)(we are NOT RICH) but i can't just refuse because this has been going on for so long and everyone is miserable and im ruining my family. i can't just refuse a potential solution. but im so terrified i've heard the stories of what happens to people who go through ABA and i DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME

im a minor, financially dependent on them, and i love them more than anything so i can't just leave or smthn; they are always arguing and crying and it's always bc of me and i just want to be better for them; but they want me to do ABA

i need advice im so sorry i just don't know what to do at all anymore. should i suck it up and try it? it might break me inside but if it gets my outsides to function properly maybe it doesn't matter idk

I am so sorry you're going through all this. I want to reassure you that your parents very much love you. You are not a fuck up. School is not built for us. It's made to funnel people in structured 9-5 jobs with little support for anyone who can't fit into those boxes. I have been where you are now and I promise you that it does get better. It takes time and hard work— like... a lot of hard work— but it does get better. Hopefully your new diagnosis allows you to have more treatment options and you are able to achieve so much!

As someone who has experience with ABA, I have So Many Thoughts™️. ABA can be useful at teaching life skills, such as sorting, cleaning, safety information, communication, and tolerating overwhelming situations (example: doctors/dentists, school, etc). Personally, I find that it CAN be a great tool... but only in the right hands AND in a properly trauma informed and emotionally responsive environment.

Unfortunately, most people view ABA as a way to control problematic behaviors and increase compliance, instead of a form of theory that allows for a better understanding of the functioning of behavior. Personally, I think it is can be used for very young children or those who have much higher support needs. Again, it should be used to teach basic life skills. Even when that is the focus of a learner's program, it's very easy to get wrong which can lead to traumatization, prompt dependence, and more.

The field of ABA is just like any field of science and will need time to grow and change, but it's not something I can provide my full confidence in at this current. While it has improved in many ways since its early conception (it's kind of hard to get worse than rebirthing), it still has a long way to go. One of the biggest problems with ABA is that it fails to take the experiences of those with Autism into account. It took months of cajoling before I could convince an ABA practitioner to approve a oral stim toy for their client, and within that first week their self biting went from over 100 instances a day to less then 50. The practitioner seemed so shocked that an autistic person might just have a good idea or two on how to help another autistic person. Go figure.

Personally, I would look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is known to help those with Autism learn to cope with emotionally overwhelming situations as well as sensory overload. Another really great thing about DBT is that there is often a group therapy aspect to it, which helps those with autism learn to interact positively in social environments with others who are going through similar experiences.

Hope this helps!

[jarvis-cockhead]

Rejection sensitive dysphoria awareness & how I cope

Disclaimer: I don't claim to be an expert, this is advice from my personal experiences aimed to help others who experience RSD, as I have a long term experience with the condition and don't often see people talk about how to manage it. I've had to figure out a lot of it myself so I wanted to share my methods for anyone else who might find them useful :] please if you think you experience RSD or any other neurodivergency do your own research, or ask for a professional opinion. Also please feel free to say so if you think my methods are actually bad/harmful or if you have any other methods, because like I said, this is just stuff I've figured out for myself, I don't claim to know it all!

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is, in short, a severe emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection. It's most commonly linked to ADHD however it is likely something which just more commonly develops in people with certain neurodivergencies (I have a diagnosis of autism, for example). It hasn't been researched very much so there isn't that much information out there about what it is or how to manage it, but it's something which can significantly affect your wellbeing and your relationships with others. At times I find it debilitating. I've experienced it for a number of years now and I've spent a lot of time on self awareness and analysing RSD based anxiety. I hope this not only helps others with RSD but helps to spread awareness of the condition- if you think you experience RSD you absolutely are not alone.

The anxiety lens

It can be really tricky to identify which thoughts are real and which are not because the nature of RSD is one which is paranoid and always jumps to conclusions, and the phrase 'what if' is very powerful. One way I've learnt to deal with this is to remember something very important: when anxiety is present it is like a lens you will look through and it will cloud your judgement of what you see. If you are experiencing RSD and are worried your friend is upset with you, you will listen to them/read their messages as if this is true, and this is where your 'proof' comes from. RSD is triggered by perceived rejection, and of course this will be worse and more frequent when anxiety is clouding your perceptions. Reminding myself of this is probably the most useful method I have found to deal with RSD because it follows the RSD anxiety path as far back as you can take it. There are no 'what if's, the anxiety will be making you see things from an altered perspective.

Anxiety sources

Are there any other reasons your anxiety could be worse right now? Stress and hormonal changes commonly exaggerate my anxiety and this frequently manifests as RSD. Identifying this doesn't always make the anxiety go away, but it does give some peace of mind of the likely real reason for why I am suddenly feeling so much worse.

Social exhaustion

I find I can swing into a very low spot very quickly after seeing friends, which is most likely just social exhaustion but because it has come directly after socialising it can feel as if there must be a reason, and the RSD reason is that the social interaction must have 'failed'. I also find this especially difficult with my friends who also experience social exhaustion and also need a period of recharge because this could mean they aren't as chatty as usual, which of course feeds the RSD. Remember that you (and possibly your friend also) are likely just tired, and give yourself time to rest.

The better it is, the worse it gets

A cruel side to RSD I feel is that the more I care for someone, or the more fun I had in a social interaction, the worse my RSD can be. I can also find it hard to understand why someone is friends with me or accept that this is the case, and I get very scared of losing the people I care most about. However more often than no your friends do care about you just as much as you do for them, or they wouldn't be your friends at all. Your friends love you and they will not just abandon you or reject you for no reason, or even if you do make a mistake, because mistakes can be talked through and overcome. The RSD conclusion jump that your friend suddenly hates you is so incredibly unlikely (and if it does happen then that doesn't sound like much of a friend in the first place.)

Help! my friend has disappeared for a day (or longer)

This is never fun, RSD loves it when this happens because there is so much room for 'what if's. You must just remind yourself that it's very unlikely you're the reason they've disappeared, especially when you've not done anything deliberate which would upset them. They really are most likely just busy!

One good way to help deal with this long term is to have strong communication foundations where possible. Let your friend know this is something you struggle with, and let each other know that if there is ever a real issue, you can talk about it. Doing this will give you more room to breathe and more reassurance that there are no issues because your friend has not told you there are. It also isn't really your responsibility to be hyper aware of what you might have maybe possibly done 'wrong', it's up to the other person to tell you if there's an issue. Remembering that you're allowed to not worry about whether you've accidentally done something wrong can take a lot of weight off.

Help! I can feel myself trapped in an anxiety spot/loop

Sometimes while anxious if I talk to a friend I can get trapped in a loop of needing and seeking reassurance, knowing that I'm on the verge of an RSD based breakdown. My best advice for this is to just tell your friend you think you are entering/are in an anxiety loop- I find that exposing the anxiety makes it easier to deal with, while not actively asking for reassurance. Asking for reassurance in the moment is something I try to avoid wherever possible. While it can make things feel really hard and like youre suffering alone, I personally try not to so I can build up my resilience, as doing so can just reinforce the anxiety. Plus while I'm in an anxious state that reassurance sometimes doesn't do much anyway because I'm still seeing things from a perspective of anxiety.

I worry that my RSD will upset my friends or offend them

RSD can make you feel horrible for doubting your friends, and it can feel scary admitting any of these feelings to them for fear that they'll be offended you've thought that way about them, or that you're blaming them for your RSD. But good friends will listen and understand and know this isn't what you intend. To help, approach conversations from the angle of 'my anxiety causes me to feel this way', not that they themselves cause you to feel this way.

Why is this even happening to me?

RSD is suspected to develop from certain sorts of experiences in life, and is more likely to develop in those who are neurodiverse. Identifying what might have caused my RSD has given me a lot of peace of mind and reassurance that I'm not just going mad- these are responses based on past experience.

Conclusion

Managing RSD, from my experience, is a lot of building resilience and healthier thought patterns. It never truly goes away but you can get better at minimising it's effects. Introspection is key to deconstructing RSD and tracing it back to the sources. It's usually never actually about the other people around you, despite it absolutely feeling that way. I hope at least some of my experiences could be helpful to anyone who experiences RSD- best of luck and best wishes if you do :]

[communicationandconversation]

Happy Disability Pride Month!

A few quick reminders/affirmations to share today, especially based around academia:

There are likely more disabled people in academia than you think. No, this does not mean you can slap a label of "high-functioning" on them and call it a day - it means you need to make any academic events and environments as accessible as possible.

Many disabled people are also queer. No, you cannot use this as a reason to discredit their experiences with queerness or the queer community as a whole. Disabled people deserve just as much autonomy and respect as everyone else.

Self-diagnosis is a valid form of disability. There are many reasons why someone may be unable to get a diagnosis: financial reasons, waiting lists, limitations to human rights, or a lack of understanding disability and intersectionality from medical professionals. Despite how the media may portray it, many self-dx disabled people have done extensive research into the disabilities they feel a connection with, and/or feel a strong connection to others in the community with similar experiences.

If you're in academia, consider looking into critical referencing practices! Many of them focus primarily on gender and race diversity in citations, which is also important, but a significant amount of disability research is done by able-bodied neurotypical researchers who are looking at disability from an external pov and see it as a deficit. By including disabled researchers more, we can make our conversations within research much more nuanced. Nothing about us without us!

If you're not sure how to make something more accessible, just ask! Maybe there's local communities/organisations you can get in contact with to ask for advice; you can look online to see if anyone's already given suggestions for something similar; or if it's something with a budget you could even hire an accessibility advocate to help. If you're enlisting the help of disabled people beyond basic advice, remember to make sure they're reasonably compensated for their time and labour.

Disabled people are allowed to feel pride for their identity! Disabilities have their pros and cons just like every other part of life, so those feelings of pride might not be there all the time, but that doesn't mean people need to feel ashamed. And if they do feel that pride all the time, good for them!

I hope every disabled person has a wonderful day/week/month/life and anything good that can happen does!

[drop-the-curtain-123]

Briscoe family (S14E07) headcanons

Only 24 hours after the episode airing (approximately) I present:

First of all, a complete overhaul of Ellen’s illnesses.

She is “clinging on rather mild symptoms” for most of the episode… Until she isn’t.

She has endometriosis, and the extreme lesions and ovarian cysts get her to an extremely dire state.

She was taught to “tough it out” regarding her pain, and was suffering through decades-long diagnosis-wandering and not being believed.

So she was asking for tests in order to find out the cause, and not be taken out of the medical eye. 

She was also cautious about not appearing to be “getting better” because previous doctors dismissed her as a faker before, on top of already ignoring  her complaints until it was too late.

She survives the ordeal, gets a hysterectomy, a heart to heart with her son, some overdue apologies (even though it won’t erase her traumas) and it’s her happy ending.

That doesn’t erase Ellen’s flaws.

She’s still controlling to her adult son and guilt tripping him at times, failing to recognise, to some degree, his interiority.

Her humor probably gets better as the pain doesn’t erode her nerves anymore, and she’s able to go out and enjoy past activities more, but she is still quite temperamental. 

Now, about her son...

TLDR: that man does not have a lady friend. 🌈

Mark, in my headcanon, had a boyfriend who dumped him because he was prioritising his mom too much.

That was his wake-up call, shortly before the episode timeframe, to do something instead of stagnating in Poplar idly. 

He met Devon during his first (and subsequently only) night out in a gay bar.

Devon over time felt undervalued, felt that Mark just went with him because he was the first guy to sort-of hit it off with.

For him, it was like it “could’ve been any other man”, because Mark didn’t let himself be known, kept a distance, was kept busy in a lot of ways.

He didn’t invest in the relationship as much as his partner, nor made him feel special, didn’t make plans for the future, etc.

Originally, he stayed without much complaint at his mothers’ house, in order to stay in the same area as his secret lover, without it raising much suspicion or gathering pushback.

Due to homophobia, notably internalised, he couldn’t bring himself to even dare envision moving in with Devon, or taking any outward, substential step.

Devon knows that he obviously can’t expect him to come out, but still chastises the shyness and distance he dealt with when (managing to) meet up with Mark.

He wanted him to have some vision for the future, and not stay at his dead-end because it’s a comfort zone.

Mark then didn’t (couldn't) tell anyone about the break-up, or about the relationship to anyone for that matter, couldn’t seek advice or, after the final blow, speak on his feelings.

He can’t really mourn and handle the heartbreak privately either, as he lives with his very demanding mother, who he is closeted to.

(In canon, he’s loving her devotedly and selflessly whilst she lies to him, too, right? I can’t stop thinking about that, by the way. What was he to do? For all he knew, he was rightfully caring for his sick relative.)

Devon gave him a reality check, and that’s how he got his head around wanting (needing!) radical change, AKA a job that includes travel. Away.

Not helping his displeasure in his immobility in Poplar is the fact he could've seen Devon pass by, with another guy who was surely filling up his head with future-planning, projects, all of that.

... And the fact he’s growing unequivocally and painstakingly attracted to one of his colleagues who, by all accounts, is an acquaintance who just goes on and on about his fiancée!

(I’d be suffocating too, to be honest.)

That culminates in wanting to start anew, get in some fresh air. Grow. Not repeat his mistakes or dwell in dead-end, stifling yearning, in addition to a dead-end, stiffling homelife.

Maybe it’s too fluffy to have the exes rekindle, but if they were to do so:

Whilst Mark is away, Devon tries to come up and ring at the Briscoes door, only for Ellen to open it.

Since they’re both strongheaded, they'd probably just gauge eachother for a long time, before Devon says something to the likes of “Aren’t you meant to be bedbound?”

To which Ellen says... “Aren’t you meant to be polite the first time you step on someones’ porch? Already putting me in a coffin, first time you lay eyes on me, it’s all you’re doing!”

Devon introduces himself as Mark’s friend. Not sir-friend.

He also notes that any pleasantness from his previous sir-friend was probably not from his maternal genes. No offense.

He doesn't think of Mark as lying about his mother being incapacitated, by the way!

I think he may have foreseen some cracks and inconsistencies in Ellen's needs from his exterior point of view.

Knowledge which had basically been from "our would-be date is cut short by her wanting this and that, abruptly" instances.

When Mark is to come back, they at least talk it out, and try to settle themselves into a more amicable, less mutually-heartbroken bond.

Devon is glad Mark actually do speaks his mind, because it is something he wouldn't have dared to do earlier on.

If something blossoms from Mark's growth? That's left open-ended I guess.

I don't think Ellen is as focused on micro-analysing her son now that she has hobbies occupying her, but she wouldn't oppose him spreading his wings. Or at least, she won't get the last word anymore.

Hope you liked it :) I'm curious if anyone had more thoughts about them!

So often, these storylines are given the short end of the stick in terms of screentime, so I tried my hand at thinking about the why, the how, the what (happens before and next) for these two (three!).

Tell me what you think! Have a wonderful day.

[nothing0fnothing]

when i post things about narc abuse on my blog i occasionally get ppl being like "don't classify all ppl with npd as abusers!!!" when i didn't say that? tbh on the whole "is narc abuse ableist" thing i defer to my best friend's wisdom, he recently graduated with a BA in psychology (im so proud!!!) and he said smth to the effect of "if you're trying to diagnose them with npd to demonize them then yeah not good but also narcissistic is a word independent of that diagnosis so context is important" its like how ppl without depression can still say theyre depressed or someone without anxiety can say theyre anxious yknow? context matters! i call my parents narc abusers bc it "fits the bill" as in from the medical studies ive read from professionals, all this criteria fits their behavior, not bc i actually believe they have npd. their actions are narcissistic but actually having npd is a question i can't answer.

the point being: im sure you get a lot more comments like that on your blog than my own. the few i get make me upset for a while bc it feels so invalidating (or maybe im just chronically online lmao.) how do you deal with it all? i'm sure the answer is just "block" but does it go deeper? it must feel awful to be called ableist when all you've done is try to spread awareness about a very real thing that happened to you. i could use some of your strength bc your blog is still going strong even amidst the hate 🙏

This ask was actually so lovely to read. You're eloquent and educated and if you'd like to dm me please do any time I'd love to chat with you and check out your blog.

You're absolutely right about narcissism and NPD. Narcissism is a personality trait. One that most healthy people posses. You can't diagnose someone a narcissist, because "narcissist" isn't a disorder.

There's a misconception that NPD is the clinical diagnosis for excessive narcissism. Actually, the diagnostic criteria for NPD is very clear that one does not even have to have narcissistic traits to be diagnosed with it. And it has nothing to say about abusing others, so how recognising abuse is considered a drive by diagnosis of NPD is beyond me.

Saying your abuser is narcissistic doesn't mean you think your abuser has this specific disorder. We know this so to us it's common sense. Unfortunately common sense isn't so common, especially in the narcissistic positivity side of this app.

It's so easy to feel provoked when you know all this, and you're educated and you just want to make content that will connect you to a community of other survivors. Only for some asshole who barely knows what NPD is, decides they're going to make your trauma all about it. It's not chronically online to be made upset by behaviour like that. People like to tell us the Internet isn't real, but when it's our connection to communities of people who share our niche experiences, it is real. Don't undermine yourself when you feel upset like that. Words can hurt anyone, even when they come from an ignorant low life who thinks they can clean up the internet, one trauma support blog at a time.

Me personally? I like to wait to hit the block button till after I've goaded them into an absolute breakdown. It entertains me to no end to watch them rage like toddlers as they start to realise they know next to nothing on a topic I've absolutely schooled them in. It sounds cruel but I have no sympathy for arseholes, especially when they're intentionally spamming random accusations and slurs on my vent posts in hopes they can get a rise out of a vulnerable person. I might make a "narcissists rage at facts and logic" compilation for my own amusement... But that's not really helpful advice to anyone who isn't a bitter hag, like me.

When I first started on this platform I kept my most common response paragraphs in my notes and clipboard to paste and post when I got the same asks day in and day out. It really helped me to reply in a measured way I knew was proof read and edited without having to exert the mental energy it takes to type out a whole reply every time you get one. This of course is if you're so inclined to engage with them.

I also have a limit for how long I'll engage. Usually my rule is I stop responding when they stop asking questions, because my blog is here to be supportive, not to receive criticism from the pro narcissist community. When they stop being coherent and and start being belligerent, that's when will always I block them and that's usually the end of it.

I did have one guy who I'd blocked on 3 or 4 seperate accounts for being belligerent. He was making new accounts every time to spam my asks and reblogs with increasingly ridiculous, heinous and obviously ragebaity shit. I just reposted his replies onto reddit where the crowd is, let's say, more critical of behavior like that. He had an epic meltdown and I've never seen his username ever again. If you're not comfortable doing that, let me know and I'll do it for you. You'd be doing me a favour because I'm a little shit and I love to watch the fireworks.

My last bit of advice to you is to make mutuals and make them friends. I struggle with being sociable in any consistent way, but a few messages back and forth to foster a good relationship with the community is so helpful. It makes your blog feel like an actual supportive environment. It puts your content across the dashboards of more sympathetic people and less losers thanks to the algorithm. Most importantly, when you have friends on this app they're more likely to back you up when an absolute cretin who snuck onto earth decides to pick on you for no reason. Having that back up is invaluable to blogs like ours and it's so important to have it when you're just starting out, especially if you're already getting the narc apologists in your notifs.

That being said, I genuinely do hope you reach out to me. I'd love to be able to send you some more of my strength when you need it. 💛🤎💛