#also does anyone have any advice for getting a diagnosis or do I just have to keep playing along with whatever the latest doctor wants

[spam-and-or-vent-account]

Everyday I get closer to posting all my symptoms online and asking what people think. Might actually get an answer within 6 years if I do that :)

[libraford]

Here's what's going on in Ohio right now. Heavy stuff ahead.

First, I want to apologize for the misinformation in my original post. I am still learning about legislative processes. To correct: the changes to ODH and OMHAS in regards to gender therapy are not a bill, they are changes in regulations.

This is important because citizens CAN affect rule changes. There is an open commentary period where your submissions get counted and can affect how they write new regulations.

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, legal advocate, or medical professional. I'm just a dude who had to have it all explained to me.

The first one is Ohio Mental Health and Addiction Services. The rules proposed would make the already prohibitive process of gender transition even harder. In order to diagnose and treat gender dysphoria, a hospital needs to have a board certified psychologist per patient, a board certified endocrinologist familiar with the age group being diagnosed per patient, and a medical ethicist overseeing the hospital's plan for transition. 'Board certified' does not guarantee that the specialist is trans-friendly. It must include a detransition plan. Hospitals would have to report compliance annually. The professionals must have a contractual relationship with the patient, but do not need to offer in-person care. (In this instance, I'll get to that in the next rule change.)

This rule also deems it impermissible to prescribe gender transition care (this includes hormones, puberty blockers, or drugs) for anyone under the age of 21 without the approval of the professionals mentioned and 6 months of therapy.

There is an exception for intersex people, who may have their sex assigned to them without their consent.

The open comment period for this ends January 19 at 5pm.

Send an email to MH-SOT-rules@mha.ohio.gov with the subject title: "Comments on Gender Transition Care Rules."

The second one is Ohio Department of Health and it repeats a lot of the same as the first one. However, the focus is more on the regulation of doctors and paperwork. Anyone seeking transition will be put into a registry with their name redacted, but demographics like age, agab, specific diagnosis (difficult to achieve with the new regulations mentioned above), and any medications (not just related to gender transition, but any medications at all). Any cessation of care must be reported within 30 days.

This is a lot of paperwork and can overburden hospitals.

That 30 days cessation is important because if a person transfers doctors or if a clinic closes and the paperwork isn't filed, it may count as a 'detransition' when tallying demographics, even if that is not the case.

But what's curious is that the ODH regulations DO require in-person care. The rules are contradictory and vague.

The comment period for this ends Feb 5th.

Send a comment through the ODH website

Here are some important things that were mentioned at the meeting:

This is a good time to be personal with your statements. If this would disrupt your life in any way, please say so. "I fear that" "I believe this" "I worry that"- these are great ways to start your comment. An example one person gave is "I worry that this change in regulations would force me and my daughter to move out of state.'

With that being said, anything that you send to these sites will be public record, so be cautious about what you reveal about yourself in your comment.

If you are in need of help, please reach out to one of these resources:

Trans Ohio Emergency Fund Resource Page

Kaleidoscope Youth Center

If you are in need of legal advice on how to navigate all this, please call

888-LGBT-LAW

This is not everything. There is unfortunately more because Ohio decided to break a record this month with anti-trans motions. But today I'm focusing on things that we can take action on.

[cripplecharacters]

hello! do you have any advice on writing disabled characters in historical setting? specifically characters, whose diagnosis hadn't been discovered yet (for example I have a character with pots but they live before 1982)

Hi,

I love historical fiction, and know this can be a little tricky, because of course disability of various kinds has always existed and conditions are real before they’re named.

But you have options!

The most important thing, I would say, is describing the aspects of the condition and your character’s feelings and behavior around it (how they manage it, what they notice about it). You can also describe other people’s responses to how they feel and act.

You should definitely describe how your character feels about their condition. Do they wish there were others like them to talk to, do they actually already have a community of people similar to them, or do they wish no one else has what they have? Do they wonder if anyone they know is like them, or think they must be alone? Maybe they feel like their condition not a big deal at all and just an inconvenience, or maybe they feel really hindered by it and it greatly upsets them, or maybe they’re somewhere in between and sometimes get really frustrated and sometimes they feel it’s just a thing that happens.

And of course the answers to all of these will be different depending on your time period—someone with POTS in 1795 will manage their symptoms differently than someone with POTS in 1968, and the same goes for all conditions. But for POTS specifically, without naming it:

For the symptoms you can describe your character noticing that whenever they stand or sit up they feel their heart race and they feel dizzy or faint. They might not know why, but they’ll know how their body reacts.

You can describe what they avoid doing because they’ve noticed it makes them feel worse—maybe they take showers that are less hot, or go out as little as possible when it’s very hot/humid out, or maybe they don’t drink alcohol or coffee. Maybe it’s bad enough they can’t do some sort of work that is expected of them at their home, or their job, or school.

You can describe what they do because it makes them feel better—maybe they drink a lot of water, maybe they buy socks a size smaller because they noticed it makes them feel a little better, maybe they always give themselves an extra half hour to get anything done so they can stand or sit up more slowly. Maybe they take over someone else’s specific work because they can manage that better and trade with them.

As to other character’s reactions, some characters may be positive and always offer your character their arm when they’re standing so they can worry less about fainting. Some might be pretty neutral and just ask them why they never go grab a beer with them. Some might be negative and roll their eyes whenever your character needs extra time or to sit down for a bit.

People with POTS and similar conditions will recognize themselves in your character’s actions and reactions, and it’s very possible that people who have friends or family or people they know with POTS or anything similar will think “oh that’s kind of like what John Doe has.” And even if they don’t, they’ll still have read a realistic and respectful story about someone with a disability.

This goes for any disability, not just POTS. Just swap out the symptoms and ways to manage it and characters’ reactions accordingly.

Something you can choose to do, but you don’t have to do, is add a note at some point (but probably either at the end or the beginning of the story) that your character has what today we would know as POTS.

For an example I’ve seen in real life (not POTS related but about disability in general), I read a book set in the early 20th century in an institution, The Degenerates by J. Albert Mann. Since it’s a different time period, characters are referred to by terms we don’t use anymore at all or not in the same way, and many characters have conditions that we know about today but were not known at all at that time. What the author did was describe the characters’ actions (and thoughts, if they were the POV character), as well as how others reacted to them. At the end there was an appendix describing what each character might have been diagnosed with today, if anything at all (since not all people ended up at asylums because of an actual condition and some were just poor or Othered in some other way).

Thank you for your thoughtful question! I feel like I rarely see characters in historical fiction who have basically any disabilities, but thank you for wanting to create some :)

Good luck!

— Mod Sparrow

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for putting down my foot about staying at home to keep the family peace?

I (14F) have a younger brother (11M) who's autistic. His diagnosis states that he needs to have everyone close to him at all times, needs to know what everyone is doing, and needs to be able to participate in everything. Also he's generally a little asshole.

Before y'all start on with the "he's autistic he can't help it", let me state that sure, there's a certain amount he can't help. BUT he's also allowed to basically rule the household, so he's literally an asswipe just because he knows he can get away with it. I've been homeschooled my whole life, not allowed to do any extracurriculars, etc., because of him. He has literal screaming, throwing things, crying fits whenever anyone even mentions leaving the house or doing anything without him.

We literally have to do stuff like go to the grocery store as a family. I've lost most of the friends I have managed to make just because he's always with me and he's so fucking annoying. I tried telling my parents 90% of his behavior issues are based off the fact that they let him act the way he does, but they won't listen.

So I'm going to be in high school this spring, and I want to go to our local public school and just be a normal teenager. My parents say no, because of my brother. I'm seriously at the end of my rope. I was so depressed throughout middle school because all my neighborhood friends went off to school and I was stuck at home with my family 24/7. I don't know what to do anymore.

So would I be the asshole if I stuck my feet in the muck and stayed there until they let me go to high school and be a normal human? (advice in the comments is welcome too plz help)

What are these acronyms?

[genderkoolaid]

advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”

i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.

but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/

i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.

sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀

There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.

If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.

So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!

The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.

This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.

But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.

[librarycards]

whats yr advice how autistic trans ppl seeking a diagnosis should proceed in these deeply transphobic & transmisogynistic times, theres legistlation the juncture btwn transphobia & ableism? for reference Im a TME 1st yr undergrad who is seeking accomodations for ASD and I got interim accomodations before medical documentation but Im not sure if I can opt out of a prof dx or if I want to? I'm really conflicted bc I got "away" with just saying im trying to get accomodations since I started 1/?

2/? at the school (school is on turtle island) but Im not sure if I can defer constantly bc it leads to me having to approach teachers awkwardly - I can't always make it to office hrs - & im fined if i miss dr appointments to assess me. i live in "canada" but there's pretty fucking scary waiting lists & legislation here too imho; I'm not really sure how to navigate these academic and medical contexts when it can influence how easily i can get gender affirming care and letters of mental health 3/3 also i would appreciate anyone providing any tips for TMA ppl as well ofc!! it's crucial for all trans ppl esp the ones most marginalized comprehend the drawbacks of a prof dx if someone is seeking it! i just wanted to be mindful of describing my unique circumstances (also i'm a racialized settler) when receiving advice. i can go off anon & message you too however i know tumblr's not... great as a messaging service or in general

ty for sending and for your patience! okay, this is very complicated and YMMV.

what i'm hearing is that you're weighing the risks vs benefits of going without an autism dx / possibly (?) having easier access to medical transition, vs. receiving a prof dx and having a more difficult time. this is something that i thought about, too, when i was going through the process - i got my 'gender dysphoria' and autism diagnoses around the same time, when i was 18, and i specifically sought the autism one in order to have undergrad accommodations (i already knew I was autistic and had been in autistic community).

for me, and perhaps for you, the accommodation thing was less of a 'my life would be easier' and more of a 'i don't think i'd make it through college without these.' they were mostly housing-based for me, and made it possible for me to live on campus without constant crisis. if you have similar absolute needs for accommodations, i do think you should seek out the formal paperwork. universities are bureaucratic nightmares designed to disadvantage disabled students (and faculty, for that matter) and you need to have every tool in your arsenal to fight back.

i can't speak to transition-related care in canada, but i assume this aspect is similar to the us: providers run the gamut from more to less accepting of (for example) autistic clients, and a diagnosis does not 100% foreclose access to transition. i'm an example of this! i don't think it's worth it to sacrifice your education for the possibility (not guarantee) of a slightly easier time with trans care w/o an autism dx. getting healthcare as a trans person is hard all-around anyway, and i think it's a much more logical choice to get the dx and associated accommodations, and then spend more time researching autism-friendly surgeons (and neurodiversity-affirming therapists to write you the letters necessary for approval).

the only caveats to what i said above are 1) if you could get assessed for another diagnosis that would allow for the same or similar accommodations (many different dx's qualify for extra time, a note-taker, etc etc). if you are committed to getting the surgical/hormonal intervention you want right now, another (risky) option would be to prioritize that and delay university - i don't recommend this whatsoever, but it's there.

my greatest piece of advice is to look frankly at your life and ask, what can i survive, and for how long? can you survive university unaccommodated? can you survive an education put on hold? can you survive a year, two, or five without transition care? these answers will be different for everyone, *and* there is no guarantee that the roadblocks you face as a diagnosed autistic trans person will be exponentially higher than an undiagnosed trans person (sometimes, it's just hard regardless).

one final note - your professors should be available via email to make appointments with you outside office hours. this is part of their job - every semester, some students will not be able to make office hours and still need appointments. i highly recommend speaking to profs as needed about alternative times to meet with them.

so, yeah, that's my 2¢. best of luck <3

[justyourtypicalwriter]

ask game ✨ for uhh everyone you wanna answer these for: 👿🧸🏳️‍🌈 :3

Omg this didn’t save before

👿-How do they cope with ableism?

Wendy:

“You don’t look like you’re disabled.”

“Mmmm well by saying that *proceeds to go on a thirty minute rant about how that harms the community by making more people believe stereotypes*”

Stan:

I feel on a good day he’d just ignore, ignore, ignore until the problem goes away. On a bad day he might have a bit of a panic attack but it is what it is

Kenny:

He’d laugh, maybe make some semi inappropriate jokes about it for the most part. That is until someone tries to grab at his dog, I feel like he’d have a complete mood switch and start spewing out their full name and address and doxx them or something😭

Kyle:

“You don’t look like you’re disabled.”

“You’re nose doesn’t look broken-“

He then proceeds to get them both kicked out of the store

Bebe:

Would call the ableist person every slur under the sun and record herself doing so to post on TikTok…or stomp on their foot if she’s in heels

Cartman:

Doxx them but also make death threats against their families. Where do you think the doxx list came from?

Clyde:

Probably show off some kinda goofy ass thing he can do because of his hyper flexibility like the hEDS king he is to scare them off…then whine about it later-

🧸-Do they have a comfort item?

(THIS IS CREEPY BC I WAS JUST WRITING ASSIGNING THE KIDS COMFORT ITEMS😭)

Wendy:

This big ass fluffy hoodie that’s honestly big enough to cover her like a blanket. It’s one of those fleece lined ones with a hood too

Stan:

Oof uhm I was gonna say Sparkys dog tags because he wears them a lot after he dies but I have a feeling he should have something else too…

Kenny:

I’m surprised I haven’t mentioned this one before but it’s a little odd. It’s a hand sewn stuffed possum made from scraps from his friends old clothes. Kenny got hand-me-downs from them on occasion and knew that they weren’t exactly Karens style, so he repurposed them

Kyle:

Soft things. Preferably stuffed animals (in specific this stuffed fox he has). He seems like someone who’d appreciate soft things like that

Bebe:

A plush deer she was gifted from Wendy! It’s cute and has a pink bow!

Cartman:

His goofy ass dolls and stuffed animals. Live laugh love Clyde Frog

Clyde:

Idk he seems like a weighted blanked type guy. When he was little he probably tried to used one to build a blanket fort or something. But it didn’t fucking work because they’re WEIGHTED and Clyde’s a dumbass, instead it collapsed the whole fort and probably knocked a chair ontop of him

🏳️‍🌈-A random headcanon about them and their disability

(I’m just gonna answer more from the list lmao😭)

Wendy:

😺 - Is there anything they enjoy about being disabled?

Designing gear designs for Nike! Especially if it’s a bad day and she can’t really do anything

Stan:

❤️ - Would they have any advice for someone else struggling with their disability?

‘Someday you’ll find someone who wholeheartedly believes that you matter’

Kenny:

🌞 - What does a 'good day' look like for them? Is there anything they like to do on their good days?

Picnics with the rest of the m5 at Starks Pond! Just being able to look at the animals with Butters, or swim in the pond with Stan, or listen to Kyle point out all the different types of plants or roughhouse with Cartman is what he cherishes the most!

Kyle:

📋 - Are they diagnosed? Do they want a diagnosis?

Kyle is diagnosed! Not like he wanted it, the motherfucker just wanted to be treated normally

Diabetes at 4, PTSD & ARFID at 11, and POTS at 13

Bebe:

🌻 - Do they do anything that helps manage their disability? (Ie medication, hot and/or cold patches, set sleeping times, ect)

Salty snacks EVERYWHERE. I kid you not there’s some kind of salty food stashed in almost every room of her fucking house

Cartman:

🧑‍⚕️ - Do they have a carer or anyone who helps with their disability? What are they like?

I guess I’d have to say Dolly. She’s a little rat shit but she adores him and he adores her

Clyde:

🦾- How does their disability effect their daily life? How do they overcome some of the struggles thrown at them?

I’d have to say random dislocations although there’s plenty of shit his ass has to deal with every day

[jarvis-cockhead]

Rejection sensitive dysphoria awareness & how I cope

Disclaimer: I don't claim to be an expert, this is advice from my personal experiences aimed to help others who experience RSD, as I have a long term experience with the condition and don't often see people talk about how to manage it. I've had to figure out a lot of it myself so I wanted to share my methods for anyone else who might find them useful :] please if you think you experience RSD or any other neurodivergency do your own research, or ask for a professional opinion. Also please feel free to say so if you think my methods are actually bad/harmful or if you have any other methods, because like I said, this is just stuff I've figured out for myself, I don't claim to know it all!

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is, in short, a severe emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection. It's most commonly linked to ADHD however it is likely something which just more commonly develops in people with certain neurodivergencies (I have a diagnosis of autism, for example). It hasn't been researched very much so there isn't that much information out there about what it is or how to manage it, but it's something which can significantly affect your wellbeing and your relationships with others. At times I find it debilitating. I've experienced it for a number of years now and I've spent a lot of time on self awareness and analysing RSD based anxiety. I hope this not only helps others with RSD but helps to spread awareness of the condition- if you think you experience RSD you absolutely are not alone.

The anxiety lens

It can be really tricky to identify which thoughts are real and which are not because the nature of RSD is one which is paranoid and always jumps to conclusions, and the phrase 'what if' is very powerful. One way I've learnt to deal with this is to remember something very important: when anxiety is present it is like a lens you will look through and it will cloud your judgement of what you see. If you are experiencing RSD and are worried your friend is upset with you, you will listen to them/read their messages as if this is true, and this is where your 'proof' comes from. RSD is triggered by perceived rejection, and of course this will be worse and more frequent when anxiety is clouding your perceptions. Reminding myself of this is probably the most useful method I have found to deal with RSD because it follows the RSD anxiety path as far back as you can take it. There are no 'what if's, the anxiety will be making you see things from an altered perspective.

Anxiety sources

Are there any other reasons your anxiety could be worse right now? Stress and hormonal changes commonly exaggerate my anxiety and this frequently manifests as RSD. Identifying this doesn't always make the anxiety go away, but it does give some peace of mind of the likely real reason for why I am suddenly feeling so much worse.

Social exhaustion

I find I can swing into a very low spot very quickly after seeing friends, which is most likely just social exhaustion but because it has come directly after socialising it can feel as if there must be a reason, and the RSD reason is that the social interaction must have 'failed'. I also find this especially difficult with my friends who also experience social exhaustion and also need a period of recharge because this could mean they aren't as chatty as usual, which of course feeds the RSD. Remember that you (and possibly your friend also) are likely just tired, and give yourself time to rest.

The better it is, the worse it gets

A cruel side to RSD I feel is that the more I care for someone, or the more fun I had in a social interaction, the worse my RSD can be. I can also find it hard to understand why someone is friends with me or accept that this is the case, and I get very scared of losing the people I care most about. However more often than no your friends do care about you just as much as you do for them, or they wouldn't be your friends at all. Your friends love you and they will not just abandon you or reject you for no reason, or even if you do make a mistake, because mistakes can be talked through and overcome. The RSD conclusion jump that your friend suddenly hates you is so incredibly unlikely (and if it does happen then that doesn't sound like much of a friend in the first place.)

Help! my friend has disappeared for a day (or longer)

This is never fun, RSD loves it when this happens because there is so much room for 'what if's. You must just remind yourself that it's very unlikely you're the reason they've disappeared, especially when you've not done anything deliberate which would upset them. They really are most likely just busy!

One good way to help deal with this long term is to have strong communication foundations where possible. Let your friend know this is something you struggle with, and let each other know that if there is ever a real issue, you can talk about it. Doing this will give you more room to breathe and more reassurance that there are no issues because your friend has not told you there are. It also isn't really your responsibility to be hyper aware of what you might have maybe possibly done 'wrong', it's up to the other person to tell you if there's an issue. Remembering that you're allowed to not worry about whether you've accidentally done something wrong can take a lot of weight off.

Help! I can feel myself trapped in an anxiety spot/loop

Sometimes while anxious if I talk to a friend I can get trapped in a loop of needing and seeking reassurance, knowing that I'm on the verge of an RSD based breakdown. My best advice for this is to just tell your friend you think you are entering/are in an anxiety loop- I find that exposing the anxiety makes it easier to deal with, while not actively asking for reassurance. Asking for reassurance in the moment is something I try to avoid wherever possible. While it can make things feel really hard and like youre suffering alone, I personally try not to so I can build up my resilience, as doing so can just reinforce the anxiety. Plus while I'm in an anxious state that reassurance sometimes doesn't do much anyway because I'm still seeing things from a perspective of anxiety.

I worry that my RSD will upset my friends or offend them

RSD can make you feel horrible for doubting your friends, and it can feel scary admitting any of these feelings to them for fear that they'll be offended you've thought that way about them, or that you're blaming them for your RSD. But good friends will listen and understand and know this isn't what you intend. To help, approach conversations from the angle of 'my anxiety causes me to feel this way', not that they themselves cause you to feel this way.

Why is this even happening to me?

RSD is suspected to develop from certain sorts of experiences in life, and is more likely to develop in those who are neurodiverse. Identifying what might have caused my RSD has given me a lot of peace of mind and reassurance that I'm not just going mad- these are responses based on past experience.

Conclusion

Managing RSD, from my experience, is a lot of building resilience and healthier thought patterns. It never truly goes away but you can get better at minimising it's effects. Introspection is key to deconstructing RSD and tracing it back to the sources. It's usually never actually about the other people around you, despite it absolutely feeling that way. I hope at least some of my experiences could be helpful to anyone who experiences RSD- best of luck and best wishes if you do :]

[communicationandconversation]

Happy Disability Pride Month!

A few quick reminders/affirmations to share today, especially based around academia:

There are likely more disabled people in academia than you think. No, this does not mean you can slap a label of "high-functioning" on them and call it a day - it means you need to make any academic events and environments as accessible as possible.

Many disabled people are also queer. No, you cannot use this as a reason to discredit their experiences with queerness or the queer community as a whole. Disabled people deserve just as much autonomy and respect as everyone else.

Self-diagnosis is a valid form of disability. There are many reasons why someone may be unable to get a diagnosis: financial reasons, waiting lists, limitations to human rights, or a lack of understanding disability and intersectionality from medical professionals. Despite how the media may portray it, many self-dx disabled people have done extensive research into the disabilities they feel a connection with, and/or feel a strong connection to others in the community with similar experiences.

If you're in academia, consider looking into critical referencing practices! Many of them focus primarily on gender and race diversity in citations, which is also important, but a significant amount of disability research is done by able-bodied neurotypical researchers who are looking at disability from an external pov and see it as a deficit. By including disabled researchers more, we can make our conversations within research much more nuanced. Nothing about us without us!

If you're not sure how to make something more accessible, just ask! Maybe there's local communities/organisations you can get in contact with to ask for advice; you can look online to see if anyone's already given suggestions for something similar; or if it's something with a budget you could even hire an accessibility advocate to help. If you're enlisting the help of disabled people beyond basic advice, remember to make sure they're reasonably compensated for their time and labour.

Disabled people are allowed to feel pride for their identity! Disabilities have their pros and cons just like every other part of life, so those feelings of pride might not be there all the time, but that doesn't mean people need to feel ashamed. And if they do feel that pride all the time, good for them!

I hope every disabled person has a wonderful day/week/month/life and anything good that can happen does!

[nothing0fnothing]

when i post things about narc abuse on my blog i occasionally get ppl being like "don't classify all ppl with npd as abusers!!!" when i didn't say that? tbh on the whole "is narc abuse ableist" thing i defer to my best friend's wisdom, he recently graduated with a BA in psychology (im so proud!!!) and he said smth to the effect of "if you're trying to diagnose them with npd to demonize them then yeah not good but also narcissistic is a word independent of that diagnosis so context is important" its like how ppl without depression can still say theyre depressed or someone without anxiety can say theyre anxious yknow? context matters! i call my parents narc abusers bc it "fits the bill" as in from the medical studies ive read from professionals, all this criteria fits their behavior, not bc i actually believe they have npd. their actions are narcissistic but actually having npd is a question i can't answer.

the point being: im sure you get a lot more comments like that on your blog than my own. the few i get make me upset for a while bc it feels so invalidating (or maybe im just chronically online lmao.) how do you deal with it all? i'm sure the answer is just "block" but does it go deeper? it must feel awful to be called ableist when all you've done is try to spread awareness about a very real thing that happened to you. i could use some of your strength bc your blog is still going strong even amidst the hate 🙏

This ask was actually so lovely to read. You're eloquent and educated and if you'd like to dm me please do any time I'd love to chat with you and check out your blog.

You're absolutely right about narcissism and NPD. Narcissism is a personality trait. One that most healthy people posses. You can't diagnose someone a narcissist, because "narcissist" isn't a disorder.

There's a misconception that NPD is the clinical diagnosis for excessive narcissism. Actually, the diagnostic criteria for NPD is very clear that one does not even have to have narcissistic traits to be diagnosed with it. And it has nothing to say about abusing others, so how recognising abuse is considered a drive by diagnosis of NPD is beyond me.

Saying your abuser is narcissistic doesn't mean you think your abuser has this specific disorder. We know this so to us it's common sense. Unfortunately common sense isn't so common, especially in the narcissistic positivity side of this app.

It's so easy to feel provoked when you know all this, and you're educated and you just want to make content that will connect you to a community of other survivors. Only for some asshole who barely knows what NPD is, decides they're going to make your trauma all about it. It's not chronically online to be made upset by behaviour like that. People like to tell us the Internet isn't real, but when it's our connection to communities of people who share our niche experiences, it is real. Don't undermine yourself when you feel upset like that. Words can hurt anyone, even when they come from an ignorant low life who thinks they can clean up the internet, one trauma support blog at a time.

Me personally? I like to wait to hit the block button till after I've goaded them into an absolute breakdown. It entertains me to no end to watch them rage like toddlers as they start to realise they know next to nothing on a topic I've absolutely schooled them in. It sounds cruel but I have no sympathy for arseholes, especially when they're intentionally spamming random accusations and slurs on my vent posts in hopes they can get a rise out of a vulnerable person. I might make a "narcissists rage at facts and logic" compilation for my own amusement... But that's not really helpful advice to anyone who isn't a bitter hag, like me.

When I first started on this platform I kept my most common response paragraphs in my notes and clipboard to paste and post when I got the same asks day in and day out. It really helped me to reply in a measured way I knew was proof read and edited without having to exert the mental energy it takes to type out a whole reply every time you get one. This of course is if you're so inclined to engage with them.

I also have a limit for how long I'll engage. Usually my rule is I stop responding when they stop asking questions, because my blog is here to be supportive, not to receive criticism from the pro narcissist community. When they stop being coherent and and start being belligerent, that's when will always I block them and that's usually the end of it.

I did have one guy who I'd blocked on 3 or 4 seperate accounts for being belligerent. He was making new accounts every time to spam my asks and reblogs with increasingly ridiculous, heinous and obviously ragebaity shit. I just reposted his replies onto reddit where the crowd is, let's say, more critical of behavior like that. He had an epic meltdown and I've never seen his username ever again. If you're not comfortable doing that, let me know and I'll do it for you. You'd be doing me a favour because I'm a little shit and I love to watch the fireworks.

My last bit of advice to you is to make mutuals and make them friends. I struggle with being sociable in any consistent way, but a few messages back and forth to foster a good relationship with the community is so helpful. It makes your blog feel like an actual supportive environment. It puts your content across the dashboards of more sympathetic people and less losers thanks to the algorithm. Most importantly, when you have friends on this app they're more likely to back you up when an absolute cretin who snuck onto earth decides to pick on you for no reason. Having that back up is invaluable to blogs like ours and it's so important to have it when you're just starting out, especially if you're already getting the narc apologists in your notifs.

That being said, I genuinely do hope you reach out to me. I'd love to be able to send you some more of my strength when you need it. 💛🤎💛

[dragonholler]

Dear Eze - Growling in Gedira

Dear Eze,

A few months ago I adopted a little flame point kitten that I found in a dumpster outside of work. I’ve named her Blue. It was a rough start for both of us; she was working through trust issues, and I’ve never had a pet before, but we’ve adjusted. Now that we’ve gotten to know each other, she’s the sweetest thing in the world and the best part of my life.

But I’m obviously writing you for a reason.

When I first found her, Blue had all the appropriate numbers of toes, tail, and teeth for her size, but lately things have. . . changed. She’s grown a second tail, for one. She’s also started trying to break into my cold food locker to get at anything I’ve left curing. I’ve always fed her wet food mixed with kibble, following the recommendation of a friend who runs a farm with plenty of barn cats, but the amount of raw meat Blue is after seems excessive.

Then there are the behavioral challenges. Blue has grown protective of me since we’ve bonded, which is very endearing coming from a creature barely the size of a pomelo. Her growling, hissing, and swiping at strangers she found suspicious was manageable, and something I figured we’d work on by slowly introducing her to new people and other animals as she grew. I’ve taken to meeting my friends at their places or out in the city instead of having them over to give Blue time to adjust, and bringing over someone she knows every few days so we can practice our people skills.

And then the spitting started. I don’t know what else to call it.

Blue has adjusted to one of my friends already, which I thought was great progress and a sign that I could experiment with having more people over more often, maybe two at a time. But when a friend Blue didn’t know showed up at my house last week for a little dinner I was hosting, Blue reacted poorly.

I still don’t know exactly what she did, but my friend’s physician said that what hit him was some kind of energetic force. His shoulder is pretty badly bruised. From the outside it looked like Blue just scrunched up and hissed at him, as she usually does when first meeting someone new. Then she made a sort of spitting motion, and suddenly my friend was thrown into my front door. Honestly, Blue looked just as surprised as the rest of us when it happened.

Blue is still doing okay with people she knows, but I’ve cut down on new people for the moment. I’d like to take her to a vet or someone who might be able to tell me how my six month kitten threw a grown man across my apartment, but I don’t want Blue to hurt anyone else on accident, and I worry that leaving the house plus a new person prodding at her is not the best idea.

Do you have any advice on how I can figure out what is going on with my kitten or how we should proceed?

Thanks!

-Growling in Gedira

—

Dear Growling,

First of all, Blue sounds precious and adorable. Tell her hello from me!

Second, yeah, I wouldn’t try leaving the house with a cat that can psychically yeet people through the air and does it when she’s scared. That’s probably a later activity.

I’ll be entirely honest with you, I don’t think Blue is a cat. She sounds more like a species of psychic beast. There are a few variations, but the commonalities are usually: multiple tails and the ability to interact with the world through psychic force, and you’re two for two. Psychic beasts are also known for being deeply territorial and incredibly loyal to their “pack” or persons, and you’ve got that in your favor as well.

If I were you, I’d start with getting a more official diagnosis from someone who does this kind of thing for a living. Lucky you, you live in Gedira! A city known for it’s diverse population and businesses, I know of at least two medicus in your area who both specialize in magical creatures and make house calls.

Dr. Muckland works more often with working animals that live on farms and ranches surrounding the city, but quite a few of those are magical in nature so don’t let that stop you from reaching out. Then there is Dr. Aubrental. She works primarily in magical creature care and rescue, helping displaced creatures find appropriate homes that can support them appropriately. She’d be my first recommendation, largely because her specialization in trauma and support might be more helpful given Blue’s dumpster-origin and current temperament.

Outside of that it sounds like you’re doing exactly what you should be. You’ve clearly got a good idea of what it takes to help Blue feel secure, you’re easing her into socializing and doing what you need to do to keep her from hurting herself and others, all you need is a little expert support.

Keep doing what you’re doing, ask for help when you need it, and I think you and Blue will be just fine.

Best of luck!

-Eze C

[thetransgenderagenda]

I hate my school sm. they say they're getting better at dealing with sen stuff but they're really not. they have a room where people with sen can go at lunch, and there's one teacher who really hates my friend group in there, and yesterday she filed a complaint about my friend group being "too loud" (we were the same volume as everyone else?) and then today they said that im apparently not on the list of people allowed in the room(?) and it was apparently too full so I couldn't go in today. the canteen is way too loud (I have sensory issues [I think they're related to my anxiety and/or potential autism but no diagnosis] which often when triggered lead to panic attacks and is the WHOLE REASON I GO IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!) as was the yard so I had to go and sit on a bench next to the english block where there were no other people other than the teacher on duty and people who walked past. I then also had to deal with people walking by asking me if I was okay and whispering in the least quiet way possible "why the fuck is /he/ sat on a bench on /his/ own?". genuinely sucked. then later on I found out that apparently they kicked me out because of the complaint the teacher made and as a result said one of my friend group had to go, and then called one of my mates selfish for "wanting all her friends in the room"??? they just don't give a single shit about sen students and I'm just sick of them saying they do while removing access to the one safe space I have at school at the same time. sorry this was so long, but does anyone have any advice? my mum's emailed school to ask them to put my name on the list but if they don't give me access again I don't know what I'll do other than either freeze out by the English block each day or wait until I have enough panic attacks from eating in the canteen they let me use the room again.

[libraford]

hello!

do you mind if i ask you for some tips & helps for beginners when it comes to tarot an witchcraft in general? i’m never sure what’s like an actual thing or someone pulling the whole “you’re not autistic you’re actually just a *insert wildly weird thing here*” if that makes sense?

it’s completely ok if you don’t want to answer this btw c: either way please an thank you & good luck with your drag show 🖤

Ummm, I'm not great at beginner tips because my practice is so personal and required so many years of going 'wtf am I doing' that unfortunately most of my advice is 'do some shit, learn hard lessons, try not to hurt anyone in the process.'

So the thing that's happening with the 'you're not (condition), you're (fictional creature)' rhetoric is, essentially, new age eugenics.

Psychology is a fairly new science and there's a lot of people who outwardly don't believe in it. Like they'll believe in pop-psychology that's easily disprovable ('if you chew on ice that means you have an oedipus complex' is one I've heard) but when it comes to things that are actually part of the field like... diagnoses for depression, anxiety, trauma- people start getting weird about it.

Where it comes from could be any number of things, but if you go back just... even ten years the culture surrounding openly talking about diagnoses is completely different. And I think that for a lot of people, having a diagnosis for why your brain does the thing it does means that they have to answer some hard questions for themselves.

There is also some distrust of medication (there have been some... not great medications for depression and ADHD in the past) as well as good old fashioned family ableism.

So. The easiest way to deal with this is to pretend that mental illness does not exist.

And make some rather... interesting conclusions to explain why people are a little strange. They're aliens. They're fairies. They're witches. They're part of an ancient race. They're from another dimension. They're reincarnations of ancient goddesses. They're shards.

If you believe these things for yourself, that's fine. If this helps you navigate your world better and hurts no one, I have no problem with it. It could be true and I wouldn't know it- fuck, I don't know the secrets of the universe.

If it works for you.

Unfortunately-

There are thousands and thousands of terrible books about how to treat your starseed child, your indigo child, your crystal child. And it is exceedingly common that these phrases are used to deny a child proper medical care. It dehumanizes them. It makes them 'other.' Its already difficult to socialize a child- now they're special magical children who don't need to be socialized. And these books sell. And they sell and they sell and they sell...

I am not a scholar in this field- I have just been to places, seen things, and listened to people.

But here's a recent paper linking starseed talking points to far-right extremism that will ruin a lot of New Age rhetoric for you forever.

I realize that my thoughts derailed there... which would be the ADHD. But in terms of what should you do when you're just starting out with witchcraft? Read as much as you can, listen to as many people as you can, but decide for yourself what's true and what's a load of hog shit.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[whumpinggrounds]

Hi there! Could I ask for some advice on writing nonspeaking characters/characters with mutism? One of my characters is unable to speak due to an early injury that resulted in paralysis of his larynx. He primarily uses ASL to communicate. Do you have any tips on how best to write or characterize him?

Hi! To be honest I forgot about this ask briefly, sorry!

So, a character with a paralyzed larynx. While I don't have any experience with this specific diagnosis, I can tell you that there are some ASL signs that require sound - or don't require it, but someone fluent in sign would make sounds with certain signs, which would be a signal of true fluency. Usually, these sounds are not super distinct, as many of the people making them can't hear them. You should explore whether your character makes noise when he signs or not.

It is worth mentioning that this character might not be welcomed with open arms into the Deaf community, depending on Deaf culture where he lives. This is something that is changing right now, but the Deaf community has been known in the past to be insular and difficult to break into if one is not Deaf, even if one does use sign language for a separate medical reason. There can be toxic standards of "Deaf enough" and being "Deaf of Deaf," or the Deaf child of Deaf adults.

Other things to think about - does your character make noise when he laughs? Yells? Cries? What does any of that sound like? Does he ever make involuntary noises? What would that look and sound like?

As a person that is unable to speak, your character might or might not identify with the nonverbal community. He would likely not identify with selective mutism or "mute" as a label, as the former is a separate diagnosis, and the latter is no longer used and often considered offensive.

Think about who he surrounds himself with, how they behave, and how that behavior is addressed within the narrative. Do people learn sign for him, or not? Do they talk over him, interrupt him, ignore him, or try to guess what he's going to sign? If so, what affect does this have on your character?

Finally, the larynx doesn't just aid in speech, it also aids in preventing us from aspirating food and choking on it. Is your character able to eat by mouth? If so, how much? Does he have to eat slower and pay close attention to avoid choking? Does he have to eat certain consistencies of food to avoid choking? Does he have to drink particular consistencies of liquid to avoid choking? If he uses a feeding tube, what does that look like?

These are all just questions to get you started. It might feel overwhelming, but you don't have to know everything right away. Pick a few things that seem right, do some research, and decide more! I'm happy to talk through more questions if you have them. Anyone who has more experience with this or information to add, feel free to tag on. As always, happy writing!

[yellow-lemon-lime]

Hi I hope this isn't rude to ask, but I saw on a post that you deal with self blame delusions? And well I wanted advice on how to help someone cope with that. Because my sister has this idea (tbh I'm hesitant to call it a delusion since she has her own logic for believing it which I can understand even tho it's great logic) that she is the sole cause of everything wrong in my life, including that I'm chronically ill*. Which is just not the case at all?

*I have me/cfs, one of the theories is that it's essentially long mono, since my sister had mono once she thinks she gave it to me which caused me to get cfs and cause my chronic illness. But since I was asymptomatic and only know I had mono at all is because of biomarkers we don't even know when I had it so she might not even given it to me in the first place.

(sorry if this is over stepping a boundary or something, but she doesn't want to do therapy and I don't know what else to do...)

Hi @skydemonizark Sorry for the late reply, I was out with my husband, and we just recently got home. Don't worry, your question is neither rude, nor stupid to ask. I am more than happy to answer any question, one might have about a lived experience with delusions, psychosis or schizophrenia in general.

I will preface this by saying, that this is only my experience with delusions and schizophrenia. Others may have totally different experiences, and that's okay, because even though, delusions (and schizophrenia) follow general rules. How we experience the symptoms are different for each person.

I will also say, that I am not a licensed therapist, psychologist or psyciatrist. Again this is solely based on my lived experience. I strongly advice anyone who is dealing with a medical problem - whether it is somatic or psychological, that they contact a professional or in emergency cases dial 911/112.

Now in order to answer your question. It's important to know what a delusion is and isn't. A delusion is a belief in the patient, that is neither naturally and/or culturally possible. F.x. Believing that Jesus is the son of God, is not a delusion, because many people believe that, so that is culturally acceptable. Believing that your neighbor is Jesus himself, would be a delusion, because only you believe that, nobody else does, and especially not your neighbor.

I cannot say whether your sister's belief IS a delusion, but I know from my own experience that logic is a huge part of delusions, but it's a twisted kind of logic.

Let me give you an example with one of my own delusions: I got a job at the hearing aid center, at my local hospital. When I started working there. The waiting time for new users was approximately 6 months to 1 year. When I had been there for a while, the waiting time had skyrocketed to over 2 years. Now my delusional logic, told me, it must be because of me, right? It happens just as I start working there. How could it not be my fault? So I felt constant guilt about making things hard for deaf/hoh people in my town. And please be noted, that I had no idea that it was a delusion. I wasn't diagnosed at the time, I wasn't even being evaluated. So I had to rely on my own twisted logic, with this delusion as well as the other delusions I had. Sometimes I doubted my logic, but for me it was like having two logics. One wasn't more right than the other.

When I did get the diagnosis, and started on medication and therapy, I noticed a change in my way of thinking about my blame about the waiting time. I am fully aware that medication and/or therapy isn't for everyone. We are all different. But for me, both things were essential to getting better. Antipsychotics, didn't remove my delusions, but they sort of prevented the anxiety I got from those delusions. But I still needed to fix my twisted logic. At the time I got my diagnosis, I hadn't been working at the hearing aid center for a good month (I was literally forced to quit just before I got my diagnosis) Time went by and I didn't have the delusion-induced anxiety anymore, but I still had the belief that the increased waiting time was my fault. One day I was sitting with my therapist, and we were talking about big and small, and I mentioned the delusion, like I had done a few times before. For some reason, I also mentioned, that, oh there was this one audiologist who had mentioned, that the hearing aid center had let off a huge portion of the workers there, and my therapist asked me: "Don't you think, that could be why the waiting times increased?" And I gave it a thought, and thought, maybe my therapist is right.

You're telling me, that your sister doesn't want to do therapy, and I 100 % respect that. Therapy should be done willingly, and only in the event that a person is in danger to themselves or others, should forced therapy be even considered.

I would try mainly 2 things. One thing would be what my therapist did to me, and try to find counter-logic to the delusional logic. Do be adviced that it may not necessary work, if the person is so in deep with their delusion, that no amount of outside counter-logic can get through. The one thing I strongly advice against with any delusions, is either agreeing with the person, or saying to the person that they must be crazy or something. Both things can be very detrimental to the persons mental wellbeing.

The second thing I would try to do, is to switch the whole agenda. Yeah it sucks that you both got ME/CFS, even if you personally are asymptomatic. Instead of focusing on the "why?" or "who?" try focusing on the "how?" Don't ask yourselves, why did you both get this? Who is to blame? Instead ask yourselves, "How can we manage the symptoms we may have, and how can we support each other in living with this illness?" and I believe that could go for anything, that she, you, or a third person may struggle with. Someone may have asked. "Why did this happen to me?" They may never get an answer. So they should instead ask "How do I get going from here?"

I also advice you to take care of yourself, eat a varied diet, get plenty of hydration, exercise to the point that you are able to. Get plenty of sleep. If you take medication for anything, keep taking that. Also be a little selfish, and buy yourself chocolate or something once in a while. And in any case you start feeling, that something is wrong, mentally or somatic. Don't hesitate to contact a medical professional.

I hope my answer gave some insight, although it's just one experience. I invite any person with schizo-spec illness/psychosis or delusion, or possible mental health professional (if there are any on tumblr) who might be reading this to give their insight and opinion. I wish you and your sister and the rest of everyone around you, a pleasant and carefree day