#also did not remember either of this rip
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something poetic about a dude talking about eating dick at the dinner table and then dying via eel deep throat
#txt#they're really testing the boundaries in s3 lmao#hannibal rewatch#not sh#sorry i'm not over the armin meiwes mention at all#btw he is vegitarian now apparently#saskia talks#also did not remember either of this rip
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Holy shit I just realized that my dreams have a version of PotO (Broadway version) where the Phantom just fuckin shoots Raoul in his box and it apparently happens not long after Masquerade? Like in place of the Red Death scene they all go into the theatre and Raoul is in box 5 alone for some reason and Erik just. Shoots the poor guy with a period-typical pistol and disappears. Raoul recovers eventually but its like the turning point of the story yk.
#also Philippe is in it!!!!!#hes the one that finds Raoul and takes care of him afterwards :)#also i have reoccurring dreams about being part(?) of a local theatre priduction of it#my position in the musical changes sometimes but the Raoul Getting Shot part is canon#to the degree where I noticed it was coming up and was confused when it didn't#turns out they wanted to try pushing it back a bit and I Did Not Vibe With That#most of the time im either a background actor or set design but once im pretty sure I was Raoul?#which was cool :)#bc in Dream Fashion the actors actually looked like my headcanons for the characters#so i got to be hadley fraser lol#i distinctly remember being on the set crew and getting excited when they got to Masquerade#bc it meant my favorite part was coming up lol#like i feel bad for Raoul bc hes my blorbo but the Tension! the Drama!#might fuck around and write about it idk#poto#phantom of the opera#rip Raoul you deserve better but Damn That Character Arc
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one thing that always bothered me and confused me about mdzs is why Wei Wuxian and Jiang cheng were pitted against each other so strongly. Bc even if you take into account that people would assume wwx was a bastard of jfm, in the narrative its something that is common? Or at least in terms of the Jin, there were bastards flying all over the place but I don’t remember there ever being competition about who would be the sect leader, it was always Jzx until he died. So idk if I missed something or I’m misremembering but it honestly feels like most of the pressure came from the fragile relationship between the Jiang parents and less about what society thought. Also favoring Wei Wuxian is one thing but jfm never gave any implication that he was being favored as the next in line, as shitty as his favoritism was. It just makes me feel sad that both boys were under so much pressure for absolutely futile reasons at the end of the day. Like was jc’s cultivation that bad?? I don’t think so?? And even then if he was less talented than wwx it wouldn’t matter bc he’s still the heir. It would be insane if jfm just decided to break convention over talent bc of some sect motto. And I don’t remember there ever being a requirement to be an outstanding amazing cultivator to be sect leader. If that was the case then there would be no hereditary structure to succession, and jfm wouldn’t even be on the roster? Neither would jgs. There was never any importance on their ‘talents’ so wtf was the problem.
Also what was the timeline on Wei Wuxians conception bc he and Jiang cheng were born like a week apart at least at most one year and it seems like wwxs parents were not even at lotus pier since they left to wander together. I feel like that would clear a lot of things up tbh. bc I don’t think jfm capable of finding csr on the road and conceiving wwx and then coming home to yzy and conceiving jc, and csr wasn’t even a yunmeng jiang cultivator it was wcz?? So what was the overlap. Like did jfm get wcz pregnant or what?? Were they regular visitors to lotus pier? To me it read like jfm was a great friend and leader to wcz and admired csr but I read it a while ago so idk. It’s not helped by the fact that jfm doesn’t seem to favor yzy more than is necessary at least outright, and we all know she ain’t the most attentive either. So basically jc and wwx were brought into the world into a weird and fucked up long distance foursome situation and spent their entire youth suffering under the second hand feelings of their parents.
#rip chengxian they were doomed from the start#I still don’t understand why jc’s cultivation talent was that important#was there ever a mentioning of cultivation power being necessary#all I remember is people complimenting wwx for being cool and sometimes lwj#and that whole list of eligible bachelors thing#but like they never even gave jc an chance dawg 😭#and nhs was not even a fighter but he was still sect leader#the pressure on jc to succeed just felt so fabricated#I think it was just there to create the rift between him and wwx#but it also sticks out like a sore thumb#since no one else was under similar pressure#also are we really gonna sit there and believe that in a patriarchal society it mattered that there was a bastard#that’s exactly why legitimate marriages were so important#yzy being a bitch about wwx would not even matter either#and why did she believe that wwx was a bastard in the first place? maybe there was a possibility but honestly feels super illogical on her#a dna test would’ve saved them#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian
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i 100% support the strange videos my youngest sister enjoys because i loved the same sort of loud memey nonsense at her age and i know this is simply the inherent nature of middle schoolers. on the other hand i really miss pingas
#skye's ramblings#the kids these days dont even know pingas.. sad!!#my sister said something to our mom n she was like 'i dont know what that means' n i felt the fabric of time briefly rip n i was 12 again#i called it ''your guys' ytp'' to my sister and my mom was like yeah i dont know what that is either#basicaly i had attempt to explain ytp sentence mixing to my poor mother. also i mentioned pingas n my other sister who is 17#was like I REMEMBER PINGAS and this did not help my mothers confusion at all. beautiful moment in the skye household#i show my sister memes i thought were the funniest shit ever at 12 and shefucking loves them. im like a wise old mentor character who is 20
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Where did Ghost really go before returning to Hallownest ?
Frankly, the question that was asked of them was one that Ghost wouldn't mind knowing the answer to themself.
Their memories... Even their early ones from when they first returned to Hallownest were hazy and fragmented. The more challenging fights they'd faced in the Crossroads and their first encounters with the bugs they'd come to call their friends still existed in their mind, yet lay scattered and untethered from each other with unknowable gaps in between, with no certainties as to even the order in which any of the events occurred.
Before that? They knew hardly anything of their past.
What did they do in the vast, endless wasteland outside Hallownest? What caused them to return to the fallen kingdom? Why did they even leave it in the first place?
They didn't know.
They typically didn't care to think on those questions much, either—it made more sense to focus on the present, and the things they knew now, rather than dwell on an unrecoverable past. Yet, here they were, being asked to recount those lost memories.
They... Could at least make an attempt?
Grasping at those memories was hard. Though they knew for a fact that they had spent much of their life outside the kingdom's bounds, it was as though the memories of that time had never existed in the first place.
But... They could fight. Even before coming back to Hallownest, they already knew how to wield a nail. So, then... They must have met someone out there. Travellers, perhaps. Someone who taught them how to fight—or at least the basics of it, anyway. Perhaps they were even the one to gift them the nail that had since carried them through many battles, or maybe that was a different Someone.
But who? Ghost couldn't picture them. They didn't even know for sure that such a person had even existed, but it only made sense, right?
...
There was only one time that they had ever managed to recover a long thought lost memory, and that was with the Dream Nail. If they were to enter their own dream once more, unlock the hidden secrets within their own mind... Would that give them answers? Would it do anything at all?
Although... Did it even matter? The stranger's curiosities aside, they... Didn't particularly care about discovering their past. It wasn't as though whatever it was that had happened back then could be changed. Nor did they think that learning anything new about it would affect their present life. They were happy where they were right now, with their family and friends in the recovering Hallownest.
Yes.
They didn't remember what they did before their return to Hallownest, but that was okay.
#ask#.🪲#🪲 ghost ic#🪲 headcanon | ghost#distrxst#🪲 verse | post dream no more#((trading a backstory ask for a backstory ask are we? dhdgshf))#((except that ghost doesn't remember Anything about their time before returning to hallownest rip dgshf))#((they weren't conscious enough to actually form memories at that point))#((even the abyss cutscene was something they only remembered In That Moment thanks to the dream nail))#((and i'm inclined to say that that memory was a special exception. perhaps due to the high quantities of void in the abyss))#((and my ooc answer honestly isn't super interesting! hence why i wrote a little ic thing instead <3))#((i think ghost just kinda. wandered around aimlessly in the wastes for several years.))#((they did meet various people! including someone who taught them to fight like they speculated))#((whether or not it was the same person who gave them their nail is something i haven't decided and probably never will))#((there was also someone who taught them sign language and how to read and write!))#((ghost didn't bring that up in their musing because they haven't realized that those are things that actually need to be taught))#((they think it's just kinda. something they've always inherently had? like their ability to understand hallownest's spoken language))#((though to be fair. at least *some* of it probably *is* an inherent ability/knowledge for them due to being a deity))#((they may have hung around various campsites and such at others' requests for a bit but they never had a permanent 'home'))#((even if people *wanted* them to stay. they'd always eventually end up wandering off on a hunt and then were never seen again))#((they never ended up wandering into any living kingdoms like pharloom either. they just stuck to the wastes))#((and they were able to gather enough soul from the lesser creatures out there for their body to stay alive. but not much else))#((they never gained enough nutrients out there to ever be able to molt for example))#((and then in hallownest where soul *is* more plentiful they uh. became entirely void biologically. and thus lost the ability to molt))#((which is why they still look like a child vessel physically))
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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it
#i feel like it’s getting worse too#like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad#why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it#making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever#it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation#i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with#/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what#that action is#besides the two options i said before#or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week#problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule#i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat#so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes#i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory#of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3#having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream#anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow#me rambling#i love being undiagnosed#but let’s be real#being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse#because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation#and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them#feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do#vent
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and see how dialogue isn't possible when you block someone who doesn't even disagree with your movement, just with certain premises behind it? see how it doesn't allow for practicing harm reduction or nuance? when i'm struggling to get myself to eat anything at all, which can last for days or weeks at a time, what i do eat needs to count. sorry, i'm eating the cheese stick because it's the only thing that sounds palatable and it gives me seven grams of protein. sorry there's no room for women with eating disorders and deficiencies because "eat less animal products" isn't good enough when your ideology values non-human animals more than women's health. but of course the burden falls on women to make ourselves tired and weak while the male-led industry overproduces and overconsumes. at least you stayed true to your logically inconsistent, female-socialized emotion-based beliefs and allowed for zero compromise! there's no way your airtight ethical philosophy has blatant logical flaws at the slightest nudge of critical thought, the people who point out fallacies are just heartless!
#the fact that i considered breaking mutuals w this person so many times#but i'm the one who gets blocked in the end lmao#sorry you have no rebuttal to my argument lol#notice how nearly every woman who agreed with me also agreed that the current animal ag industry is the problem#and that we all would like to consume less animal products where we can#but when your ideology is so militant that that isn't good enough because ''meat is murder'' (but only when humans kill animals)#(but remember we've elevated non-human animals to human status. so every time a predator kills a prey animal: murder.)#(wait that's different. it's because ummm humans interfering with animals isn't natural. so are we on the same level as non-human animals?)#(yes but no! pre-industrialization agriculture wasn't part of nature because uh. humans did it.)#(and humans aren't part of nature because of animal agriculture. flawless non-circular logic.)#(so in conclusion all animals have equal personhood except when they obviously don't have the same morality because they're animals)#(this is why there can be no harm reduction because all animal products are human rights violations on par with rape and femicide)#(no this isn't degrading to women bc we told you chickens have the same personhood as women!! and don't question that either!!)#anyway i limit animal consumption to the best of my ability but meat is not murder. if that's not good enough then bite me#sorry to the normal vegans out there who don't treat it like a human rights movement. you get too much shit and i'm adding to it rip
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Top 100 Ladies of TV
Looking at old blog posts, many years ago I did a "100 favorite female characters" list, but I have met so many wonderful new ladies now that it is quite out of date and needs a major update to accommodate them. International Women’s Day seems like the perfect time to do so!
Only this time I'm restricting it to TV characters, or I will die of Overwhelm.
NOTE: This list is not in any kind of order, I just wrote them down as they came to mind. I considered alphabetical, but found it was nicer to keep everyone from a given show together. And rather than starting from scratch, I kept as much of the original list as I could and just added newer favorites on at the end, if you're wondering why some of these Very Old Fandoms are clustered at the top.
Rose Tyler (Doctor Who)
Donna Noble (Doctor Who)
Sarah Jane Smith (Doctor Who/The Sarah Jane Adventures)
Kimberly Hart (Power Rangers)
Katherine Hillard (Power Rangers)
Pamela Beesly Halpert (The Office)
Kelly Kapoor (The Office)
Angela Martin (The Office)
Amita Ramanujan (Numb3rs)
Abby Sciuto (NCIS
Ziva David (NCIS)
Abby Lockhart (ER)
Neela Rasgotra (ER)
Sarah Riley (ER)
Rachel Berry (Glee)
Quinn Fabray (Glee)
Tina Cohen-Chang, respect (Glee)
Marley Rose (Glee)
Juliet Burke (Lost)
Alex Rousseau (Lost)
Kensi Blye (NCIS: LA)
Nell Jones (NCIS: LA)
Marisol Delko (CSI: Miami)
Alexx Woods (CSI: Miami)
Calleigh DuQuesne (CSI: Miami)
Samantha Spade (Without a Trace)
Miranda Bailey (Grey's Anatomy)
Cristina Yang (Grey's Anatomy)
April Kepner (Grey's Anatomy)
Addison Forbes Montgomery (Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice)
Sara Sidle (CSI)
Jess Angell (CSI: NY)
Dana Scully (X-Files)
Summer Roberts (The O.C.)
Charlotte "Chuck" Charles (Pushing Daisies)
Olive Snook (Pushing Daisies)
Joan Girardi (Joan of Arcadia)
Kat Miller (Cold Case)
Tru Davies (Tru Calling)
Elaine Benes (Seinfeld)
Daphne Moon (Frasier)
Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)
Jordan Sullivan (Scrubs) -- it's either her or Ellie Torres from Cougar Town, real 6-of-1 situation
Donna Pinciotti (That 70s Show)
Jackie Burkhart (That 70s Show)
Kitty Forman (That 70s Show)
Kara Danvers (Supergirl)
Stephanie Tanner (Full/er House)
Grace Adler (Will & Grace)
Lexi Vaziri (Blood & Treasure)
Jaz Khan (The Brave)
Lux Cassidy (Life Unexpected)
Rachel Matheson (Revolution)
Julia Shumway (Under the Dome)
Nancy McKenna (L.A.'s Finest)
Paige Donohue (Scorpion)
Happy Quinn (Scorpion)
Max Black (2 Broke Girls)
Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau (Criminal Minds)
Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds)
Mae Jarvis (Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders)
Reba Hart (Reba)
Cheyenne Hart (Reba)
Jess Parker (Primeval)
Abby Maitland (Primeval)
Sansa Stark (Game of Thrones)
Tani Rey (Hawaii Five-0)
Kate Beckett (Castle)
Alexis Castle (Castle)
Kat Warbler (The Class) - FOREVER UPSET we were robbed of more than 22 eps of her snarky glory!
Ivy Lynn (Smash)
Elizabeth McCord (Madam Secretary herself)
Carrie Heffernan (i'm sorry i LOVE HER) (The King of Queens)
Frankie Heck (The Middle)
Sue Heck (The Middle)
Mindy Lahiri (The Mindy Project)
Lisa Miller (News Radio)
Beth of no apparent last name (NewsRadio)
Sabrina Spellman (the Teenage Witch, Good Version [WB])
Tia Landrey & Tamera Campbell (Sister, Sister) (I know it's rude but they're both aces and this way my list is secretly 101!)
Jade McKellan (Family Reunion)
Holly Tyler (What I Like About You)
Anathema Device (Good Omens)
Eve Baxter (Last Man Standing)
Sabina of no official last name (Siberia)
Ryan Clark (Off the Map)
Phoebe Buffay (Friends)
Monica Geller (Friends)
Rachel Greene (Friends)
Janine Teagues (Abbott Elementary)
Melissa Schemmenti (Abbott Elementary)
Barbara Howard (Abbott Elementary)
Ava Coleman (Abbot Elementary)
Molly Flynn (Mike & Molly, a terrible show made watchable by its women, though I only have room for 1 today)
Henrietta/Hetty Woodstone (Ghosts [CBS])
Shirley Bennett (Community)
Alex Russell (Maid)
Jenny Hoyt (Big Sky)
Cassie DeWell (Big Sky)
In conclusion:
#100 favorite female characters#quality data#more ambitious people than I would do gifsets or at least photosets about this but I am not that person#I have been wrestling with this for weeks and I think I'm finally happy with it but IDK#definitely still some I can see being replaced and that were arbitrary picks over women I like equally well and cut#RIP Community ladies but I realized I did not love them enough individually as opposed to part of an ensemble#especially after I was like 'Oh No i cannot possibly choose among the Abbott ladies'#same for the women of Bones#apologies to my Zoo family that Jamie did not make the cut either#encouraging my mutuals and other followers to do their own!!!#I know many of your faves but I am curious if and how you would ultimately narrow it to 100#p.s. thank you to empress-of-snark for finding the illustrative gif I was looking for#p.p.s. last minute edit kicked Lizzie Maguire off and replaced her with Hetty because I finally caught up on Ghosts#and remembered she's AMAZING and also I have only seen like 3 actual episodes of Lizzie#p.p.p.s. NOPE removing Jenny Callender and Buffy too (sorry!) because I have not actively watched BtVS and I need the Big Sky ladies
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I’m going through my copy of The Lady Tars and this was just incredible.
William Brown (birth name is unknown) may have been the first black woman to serve in the British Royal Navy. While the book here says Brown served for 11 years as captain of the maintop (others say capt. of the foretop), there’s another conflicting account that has her rated as a landsman in the ship’s muster. The Times wrote about her and this is the main source that she was a foretopman. The paper also says that Brown intended to enlist again as a volunteer and it’s completely plausible she did. However, it’s completely unknown either way. What is known indisputably is there was a young black woman from Granada going by the name of William Brown serving on the H.M.S. Queen Charlotte in 1815.
#ripping my hair out coz yes. there was a woman going by William Brown in the navy in 1815#but that’s about all that can be verified#and the fact that there’s this conflicting account from The Times drives me up the walls#I want these people to have been better remembered and personally that’s where the genuine tragedy lies#did she re-enlist? did she have prize money? did she serve for a few weeks or over a decade??#more than likely she wasn’t a capt. of the main or foretop#especially if she really did only serve for a short period#there’s just a sadness in it that we don’t even know her story or really anything about her#that’s why I’ve been reading about all the polly olivers in the navy#but yeah. incredible that she even DID that#I hope she lived a good life#that’s all. I don’t like wild speculation when researching historical persons as tempting as it can be#so I only hope and wish the rest of her life was a good one#also it’s just so important to know these stories or what we can learn of them#a man (or woman) is only dead when their name is no longer spoken#I want to help keep these women alive for as long as I can#also PLEASE double check your sources! I ran into a few instances where person A just makes stuff up about person B’s findings so. please.#I don’t like making assumptions based on what *I* want to be true either so again. there’s very little known about her so take all this#with a few grains of salt#william brown#age of sail#history#women in the navy#(also frustrating coz William Brown was/is a pretty common name…)#I found a couple of other sources talking about her so I’m gonna see if there’s ANYTHING else I can find out#black history#I’ll come back to this and write it clearer. I’m running on fumes#also should add that The Lady Tars is a compilation of auto/biographies of 3 women and this is just from the foreword#but I need to nap rn
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evolution of how men and i interacted at my different jobs so far
doing exact same work and being physically stronger than some of the men > men start lifting things for me and shooing me away when i try > guy held open a door for me and after i said thanks he said i’m just happy to be ur knight in shining armor today
#personal#granted last one i was on a scooter for a broken foot so like context#but still crazy my first job we all did the same jobs#like granted some were only for people literally strong enough#then next job men start just#lifting stuff for me#like not even heavy stuff but also heavy stuff#if it’s even a little heavy men at home depot will just grab it from you immediately a good chunk of the time#if they let you even get near it#now granted also very common a dude ignoring you struggle and then rip a nail out like avoid eye contact#dude and chicks to be clear but we’re talking dudes#then now#nothing super weird actually to report gender wise nicely enough#only thing is maybe sercuity telling me i should be smiling but i think i missed the end of a joke#but he’s a nice guy anyway so like no biggie either way which sounds bad but like#it’s just not that deep i don’t see this dude super often and it’s a usual quick hello how are yous and asking how im doing foot wise he’s#nice plus he said i look like some celebrity my first day i can’t remember her name and i’m not re asking#no idea where this was going but there we are
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i don't feel like studying any of the subjects from The Plan rn but everything else is so boring that i also don't want to waste time on like watching content or something and i would rather switch subjects then give up on studying for the day and by old me standards ive already done enough but new me i still feel like i can do more but i don't know what ughhhhh this is torture
#okay so The Plan is#i mean not that anyone would care or understand but i like writing on tumblr like a diary#The Plan is to finish law in one month so i can give the online test and this js non negotiable because there's two#online tests and i have to do ATLEAST one before this year ends or it will be too much#and then to finish my backlog of direct tax till like 10th so i can give that test and be caught up with the rest of the class#and there's about 35 more 2 hr lectures to go (rip me)#oh also i haven't touched audit in ages and backlog is getting to the i can't breathe under this burden levels and classes resume on like#10th 11th something and i want to rejoin with them#the plan is to have all this done by november so in December#i can focus on catching the fuck up with fr and afm because like ive attented SOME classes like sparingly#and i know it but very upar upar se so i have to do it properly once or ill die#yeah that's it that's The Plan#it's doable i think i calculated hours days wise and everything#but like. theory subjects are fucking hard to do constantly because either they're boring asf (like law and audit)#or they're complicated and make me cry from frustration (like direct tax)#mann.#now that im actually studying#i feel so irrationally scared for how chill and like. blaise attitude i had towards inter exam#i had absolutely no idea everyone else was studying so deeply like tax syllabus first half is the exact same as inter#just a little advanced and sir keeps saying ye toh aapne inter mein padha hi tha and im like hain??? bhai itna sab tha????? i had no clue😭#like how tf did i pass my dad says not to tell anyone that i didn't really study for it cause ppl will think#aise hi farzi ca finalist ban gayi but like tunblr so wtvr#but yeah how tf??? could i pass???????#like i actually start to panic when i think about how less i had studied which makes no sense since it's not like they can#take away the result or reverse it or anything it doesn't matter now#but like just woah. like i can't even explain#i remember for tax all i watchef was marathon and usme bhi i got bored (THE DAY BEFORE EXAM!!!) so i skipped#the main topics that had crazy weightage and just did a number of tiny topics and studied only enough#to get passing#dt irl is VAST i can't believe these people learn such specific things that if iss date se iss date mein hai toh section 54 ka exemption
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It makes me a little sad that I'm going to be convicted forever by the hate blog my ex best friend made about me years ago now; to her, the drama ended with that blog, but to me, it's going to stay forever as long as it's around, because it's one of the first things anyone is going to see when they look me up; I'd be more accepting of it if it wasn't also loosely comprised of buzzwords (Biphobic and ablest are specifically strange to me because I'm bi and diagnosed with autism, and even back when I was aroace I never said anything about bisexuals? I never said anything about any kind of disability either, I was always very respectful about both of those things and have even considered myself bi before now too, when I was 11) and mildly sexualized assumptions that an adult made of posts I made when I was either 10 or 11 years old in the furby community, just trying to fit in with what other people were saying but not entirely having a grip on what they meant and sounding off, when I never meant to sound the way I did at all; like how "Fetishizing trans women" was a post where I angrily mocked my mom calling me cute or girly things because I was a trans guy and found it upsetting, "disabled furby fetish" was me trying to make a positivity post about helping disabled furbies to be inclusive like everyone else was being, one of the things happened to be me saying I'd help a furby who couldn't walk sit on the toilet because I heard around that people taking care of the elderly would do that, so I included it in my post to seem knowledgeable on real ways of helping, and that was it; I really really wish that even while I was an unhinged young teenager, people would have just gently asked before writing those ever-lasting posts, "Hey, did you mean bla-bla-bla when you said this, or did you mean something else?" and I would've answered honestly, I'm sure; I was a bit of a monstrosity the further back you go into history of how I acted on the internet but I was really, not all that terrible to talk to when there was no perceived threat from the person and asking me a rational question would've been easy, I never ever mean to hurt anybody, but now, that's all people are going to think of me; even in real life, because who wouldn't look up my social media in this digital era? 🙁
And it was mostly, if not entirely, consisting of behaviors and views I've grown out of since the 5+ years ago it happened; I have even been met with backlash in 2022 or 2023, for saying I'm sorry to someone I was mean to back then 😯 (I now think that was unnecessary from me, I was very tired that day) what do the people who've cancelled me want from me? I don't think they want me to apologize, or care that I've gotten so much better since then; I think maybe they just want to revel in that I am a complete recluse now socially, a coward; I cannot even say "Cool fursuit!" or "I like your artstyle!" without feeling like somehow, someone will come forward and be able to twist what I've said into something terrible and use it against me if they don't like me, because that's just how people can be online now; it's terrifying. My ex best friend has shunned me behind my back for being so scared, I remember being shown longer ago; but knowing the things that upset her, she would be absolutely broken if someone did to her, what she did to me online; because that shit can ruin careers, it could ruin my chance of ever making a friend again, even IRL because anyone can look me up online; imagine doing that to somebody who was at the time, not even old enough to drink.
I've been called vile, irredeemable, and anonymously told to kill myself once even; I was a 16 year old; a rather air-headed one too yet. Who would talk that way to a 16 year old who made it clear he was trying to improve and never meant to hurt anyone? Who knew he was in the wrong and was trying his hardest to fix it? For young readers rolling their eyes, how absurd that is will click when you're older and realize how inexperienced most people are at that age.
And that isn't keeping in mind how developmentally delayed I always have been too, which I state as a fact and not as an excuse; I don't let it ever stop me from improving myself either, but I feel like it's probably important that I mention that about myself here; I've always been considerably far behind people my age socially and often, intellectually; it was very visible at School especially where alot of the work I did was far behind everyone else's, and was alot slower than them too, and when I was younger I'd hardly get any work done at all even and was very difficult to deal with as a whole; Autism can be a very unflattering disability, it's not generally pure or wholesome, and it has influenced my bad or otherwise embarrassing behavior alot in the past; which I will still take responsibility for; because my illness isn't some seperate entity from me I'd use as an excuse, I just want it to be understood and recognized that I can't function as well as most other people in the head, I never could, and I genuinely just want that to be understood coming from someone who is seriously, detrimentally autistic to a point I had gotten diagnosed with it at a young age; my past outbursts and socially-inept behaviors helped by it gave the internet ridiculous shitshows to point at, and I'll never be able to take that away; what I can do is hope that I'll be atleast somewhat understood in the end, and left alone for how I was such a long time ago now
I've made a good effort to no longer be that way or act immature and freak out like I did long ago, and I can't stop persuing a social presence at such a young age, over the idea that strangers might not understand that about me.
I have no respect for people who think call-out and purity culture are okay and useful towards youth; this stuff was meant for use against megacorperations and rich celebrities that are getting boycotted for being generally harmful and/or gross on a huge scale that affects many innocent people, not stupid teenagers like I was, or even young adults. People learn, grow, and change; I spend and have spent every second of my life finding ways to grow and improve, and taking information in from people I look up to and admire to do so; and came far enough that I am 100% no longer the petty, angry, and immature person I was at the time, and that makes me very proud. I am no longer going to cower in my little corner, shivering at the thought of complimenting someone's 3D model or uploading a piece of music on YouTube; because people who told a scared and confused autistic kid to end his life and tried to take future careers, friendships, or even love away from him with things he's said and done years and years ago, do not deserve my compliance anymore
#Also did that blog ever mention me making alts? I don't remember but if it did‚ I wanna say that I literally did that because (continued)#my ex best friend showed me that she was doing it in a video call when we were friends and I admired and copied her methods#That's why I also tried to cancel her when I didn't really vibe with her anymore because I thought I had to do that to end a friendship#I didn't know that I could just not vibe with someone anymore‚ that's how our fight started really; because I didn't know how (continued)#to make that decision properly and kept struggling; my to-be girlfriend later on really helped me figure out (continued)#how to handle ending a friendship properly#And SO MANY other things honestly?? I really owe it to my girlfriend; while my ass was getting ripped off‚ she calmly told (continued)#me what I wasn't approaching properly and with understanding and care; I was actually extremely annoying when we were first talking#but she tolerated me so much that I really grew close to her and bonded with her and we eventually became best friends and then#we became girlfriend and boyfriend and uhh.. What was I talking about again sorry-#Back to me learning something bad from my ex best friend though I also want to say that I'm not saying that to condemn her either.#I was just in a bad online space in general at the time because call-out culture and stuff was just getting big and I didn't (continued)#understand what it was or how bad it can be yet; some people don't care or even actively enjoy it though and I can't change them so‚#I focus on changing myself; like I always do#Or like maybe I can change them but it's not my responsibility- you know what I mean!!
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here are some of my own additions
(the hooty one only makes sense if you know that i was very tiny and cutesy and silly and not AT ALL seen as tough)
Things I’ve done in school as TOH characters:
i’m pretty sure Luz would have done most of these as well but shhhhh
#toh#the owl house#high school was a god damned fever dream i stg#i was just Existing w several poorly managed disabilities and undiagnosed mental illnesses#runnin on like 4 hours of sleep a night#at least partially dissociated the majority of the time#also the knowledge that i was gonna change my name and move far away and not see most of those ppl ever again#so i just kinda Did Stuff#i would not go back to those days but it is very funny to remember#the young raine and eda one isn't AS funny as the rest but was just weirdly fitting#but it was a little funny. barely prepared at all but destroyed the competition just by being freakishly good at teamwork w my friend#almost added eda with her arm ripped off: “the sheer amount of puns i have made about my being an amputee”#but that wasn't rlly a school thing that's just A Thing i do#i feel like it's the univeral experience of having a visible physical disability to use it as a prop for comedy#actually i think it was carolina reaper instead of ghost pepper? so slightly spicier i think? idk#i wanted to add emira and edric but i couldn't think of anything that fit them#EDIT: i thought of ideas for them that i may have to add later#edric: rinsed myself off (fully clothed) in the chem lab safety shower just for fun#emira: titled a college application essay ''cool leg'' and forgot to change it before i sent it to the teacher#or he's me having such noticeable adhd the physics teacher sometimes put toys on my desk to fidget with#and she's my meme infested shitshow of a romeo and juliette project but i don't even know how to describe that one#i was not really enough of a trouble maker to really fit either of their Vibes tho. i was Boring.
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"A Tale as Old as Time..."
[ID in Alt]
This piece took me forever, but finally the Beauty and the Beast inspired Faricille stained glass is complete! And it only took like 21 hours lol. RIP my hands- remember to stretch, kids!
I feel like the symbolism is kind of obvious (for the most part at least), but I will go ahead and explain it.
MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD
Falin and Marcille are depicted in the unfortunate fate the dungeon led them to- Falin as a chimera and Marcille as an unwilling dungeon lord. Their expressions morose yet they interlock their fingers like in the bath scene. The design between them is the summoning circle Marcille stood in while resurrecting Falin. I did my best to copy the runes as closely as I could.
The golden feathers of the wing lion embrace the scene, and his symbol is also displayed at the bottom. Specifically, it is made to look like Kensuke's guard, a subtle nod to Laios, who is such an important person for both of these women. Thistle frames it with his ties to the lion, the dungeon, and his role, intentionally (with Falin's) or unintentionally (with Marcille's) unfortunate fates.
In the background, two scenes are specific to each character, and two have shared meanings for the characters. On the right, Falin's staff is lit up with magic, like the kind that teleported her party out and martyred herself. On the left is Marcille's mindscape library- the scene split in half between the black and gray of a nightmare and the color of a dream. Both symbolize driving forces in their lives- Falin's to protect those she loves no matter what, and Marcille's to escape her fears (and her own way of trying to protect those she cares about). At the bottom is the beginning- the raspberries they shared as girls that signified the start of their friendship. At the top, it wasn't the final ending but an ending nonetheless. The rabbits are tied to Falin because the rabbit stew is the catalyst to have her die for another time, a meal when one is starving, feeling like salvation despite death (Can't death be considered salvation on its own?). The rabbits also signal an extremely traumatic event for Marcille as she watched all her friends die because of them- once again, either actively in the case of her party or as the result of in the case of Falin.
#farcille#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#marcille dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon marcille#marcille dunmeshi#falin touden#falin dungeon meshi#dunmeshi falin#chimera falin#the winged lion#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#stained glass#dungeon meshi spoilers#dunmeshi spoilers#id in alt text
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i'm thinking of an alpha 141, with price and simon being you stereotypical alphas, while johnny and kyle might be mistaken for betas - until you piss them off and then even price and simon struggle to hold them back.
they're all alphas but they're also all part of the same pack, which wasn't planned by either of them but it's not unheard of for that to happen in a task force as close knit as the 141. it's their bread and butter to go into the most dangerous situations, to protect one another, to take bullets or knifes for the others; they're the only ones who can actually understand the depth of the trauma each of them is going through.
of course they'd bond together and form a pack. but they're all also alphas. alphas with a desperate wish to mate and breed, and they can't do that with each other, they need an omega for that. but an omega who not only accepts and respects their weird pack dynamic but actively wants that? unheard of, chances so slim they were non-existent.
but so were the chances of simon crawling out of that grave or johnny recovering from that shot to the head.
and they did find one, someone who loved all four of them, someone who wanted to be their mate and give them a child. a beautiful little girl, who somehow seemed to share all of their appearances. and it was perfect.
until it wasn't. until these alphas had to gravel with the situation that their omega was gone, mating bond ripped apart, and their little girl screaming her lungs out. so used to the omega's scent, which after months of trying their best was now fully gone, that it put her in severe distress for weeks on end, leaving not only her but her fathers restless.
and then there's you, their newly moved in neighbor, they only knew their name from their landlord when they came back from their latest mission, knocking and looking just as stressed as them.
price had opened the door for you, chest puffed and ready to tear you apart for coming at his pack but you were calm..exhausted beyond belief, of course, but understanding and most of all concerned for their girl..
"all that screaming can't be healthy for her either"
you had a small container with you, a remedy from your great-grandmother, all herbal so as not to offend her nose, that needs to be rubbed into her chest before bed.
"i'll just leave it here, maybe it helps"
johnny, always the perceptive one, will forever remember how you smiled sadly at their daughter, how your fingers seemed to itch towards her before you remembered your place and just left.
they would soon find out that you were an utter blessing, kind to the bone and so unbelievably considerate. the ointment worked wonders and for the first time in over a month, they saw their daughter smile again and each other finally relax.
and from that point on, johnny was gone, absolutely enamored by you and always jumping at the chance to invite you into their circles, knowing full well the others were much more hesitant, the pain and trauma from their omega abandoning them still stiff in their bones.
but they'd see what he already saw, and it was like you wanted to prove him right when you found out about what happened to their omega, to the one among them that should be bonded the closest to their little girl but was still able to just leave.
you clenched your fingers so tight he was almost afraid you'd break something, the muscles in your neck tightened and you downright snarled, nostrils flared and lip pulled back.
"is...is that normal? her screaming like that for weeks on end? is that likely to happen with something like this?"
the air in the room tensed, charged, similar to before a storm, and it answered all of their suspicion, when they gave you the answer that yes, it was normal - and it audibly cracked around you, like thunder striking, and you had to take a deep breath, mumbling in an old language to let your environment not be influenced by your emotions, lest you hurt or scare any of them.
"you're a witch"
and damn, it should terrify him, witches and shifters don't mix well but all he can think of is that he was right, you were perfect for them, your protectiveness of their daughter only outmatched by them, and if johnny hadn't already made up his mind, hadn't already talked it through with his pack, this would definitely solidify it:
witch or not, you were theirs and mark or not, they'd never let you leave again.
#crown mumbles#i have a distinct idea with this#can you see it??#cod mw2#cod x reader#141 x reader#poly 141#john price#john price x reader#simon riley#simon riley x reader#johnny mactavish#johnny mactavish x reader#kyle garrick#kyle garrick x reader
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Jason Attacking Tim at Titans Tower
Fanon vs Canon
We've all seen the versions in fanfiction but I'm not so sure everyone's seen the original so if you're one of those batfam fans who doesn't want to read the comics (regardless of reasons) but you are curious about how it actually went this is for you.
What I'm addressing:
What does Jason actually say to Tim during the attack?
Did Jason drug all the other Titans?
Did Jason really wear a Robin costume?
Did Jason slit Tim's throat or call him replacement?
Did Jason actually break Tim's bo staff?
Was Tim crying or scared?
Did Jason write a message on the wall in Tim's blood?
Did Jason's eyes glow green?/Did he follow pit rage mechanics?
Panels and details below. This is a LONG one.
What did Jason actually say to Tim during the attack?
Dialogue in fanfiction during the Titans Tower attack varies based on what kind of fic you're reading but usually its either 'time to clip Replacement's wings' if its staying a beatdown whump 'or oh no precious lil bby why is no one watching you' if its an accidental child acquisition. Not judging either option, but this ain't about them its about the real shit.
Look at these opening lines:
Hey, Tim. I was here first.You're the Red Hood. You've been cleaning up Gotham the easy way. Easy? What do you know about easy, Tim? You had a father that looked after you. You went to a private school, right? You slept in a bed. I slept on the streets, I lived in the alleyways in Gotham. Trying to survive. Until Bruce took me in. I trained as hard as I could. I did whatever he asked. . . at least at first. But it didn't matter. They said I wasn't tough enough to be robin. But today, they say you are. Show me, Tim. Show me what you have that I didn't.
Jason really puts himself out there in all of his dialogue in this encounter, the struggle of having to fight for anything and everything he got in life, even the things that came to everyone else for free, and then being told he wasn't even good enough for the things he fought for.
There's a trope in fanfics that if Jason knew Tim stalked Batman and forced his way into being Robin that it would change how Jason felt about the situation but that's even addressed in this comic:
You were a kid, worried about how Batman was spiraling down into darkness. You spent weeks tracking the dark knight. Solving a mystery no one else could. You discovered who he was behind that mask. Millionaire Bruce Wayne. You were so pleased with yourself, I'm sure that you forgot who you were really dealing with. I know Bruce Wayne. And let me tell you, Tim if someone was trying to find out who Batman really was. If someone was stalking him for weeks. He'd know about it. You can't be that good. I am. He let you find him. And I bet he said the same thing to you as he did to me, didn't he? That you had a talent to make a difference in Gotham. That he needed someone he could trust in war on crime. That you were one of a kind. The light to his darkness. Robin, the Boy Wonder.
Tim saying 'I am' is really such a moment that doesn't come through in text because he is right that he really did do that but I also completely understand why Jason wouldn't believe it.
TBH my favorite part is how done Tim honestly sounds with Jason thoughout all his trauma dumping. Like imagine a grown man who used to work the same part time job as you breaking into your house, dressing up in your work uniform, ranting about how much the job ruined his life while he beats your ass??? God, and he probably had to write a fucking report about it after. RIP Timmy.
What do you want? Do you want to be Robin again? Is that it? You... want to take it away from me? Why in the hell would I ever want that? Don't you get it? When I died no one cared! No one remembered me. Are you completely insane? No one could forget you. I've spent my entire career wearing this mask under your shadow. I had to convince Batman to let me try this. All because he'll never stop blaming himself for what happened to you. You ask me, that's the only reason he hasn't taken you down. He's holding back. But me? No freakin' way. That's the Robin I wanted to see. Still. You do realize the whole idea of training a teenager to fight against something he'll never eradicate is a mistake. It didn't even surprise anyone when I died. When I failed. I failed-- but I'm still beating you. Do you think you're that good now?! Do you really, Tim? Yes.
Tim bashing Jason across the face as he says 'no freakin' way'? *chefs kiss*
Jason drugging the other Titans to knock them out?
Little bit true, Kory was actually just already away from the tower and BB and Cyborg were about to bounce because of the drama going on with Donna's return but Jason like super tazes them and then drugs Raven who he thought already went through enough shit without him knocking her out violently.
Note: Jason says in the text here that he never rolled with Cyborg or BB but like he actually did in some comics so?? The continuity is lie I guess idk.
Did he show up in Red Hood gear or a Robin costume?
Both tbh but he spent most of the time in the Robin costume but bro actually made a stripper rip away version of his Red Hood gear so he could dramatically reveal the Robin costume underneath. I can't believe no one ever includes that in their fics its so fucking funny.
Does he call Tim 'replacement' or slit his throat?
No, this came from a Batman comic with Hush not Teen Titans. That incident takes place in a graveyard not Titans Tower and he calls Tim pretender not replacement.
Does Jason break Tim's staff?
Tragically, no. The bo staff snap would have been iconic. Instead he just takes Tim's staff and beats Tim up with it and breaks stuff. BUT!! He uses it to bust a statue in the TITANS MEMORIAL ROOM which is a place in Titans Tower just for having statues of dead previous titans and Jason is rightfully pissed he didn't get one. Like Tim is correct in saying no one forgot him still but like I would be hurt too if all my friends made cool statues of friends that died and then just left my zombie ass out, like wtf.
Note: I am seriously losing my shit that I have never seen someone bring up the memorial room in a fanfic. That is so much angst material. 😭
Tim crying/ being scared?
Hell no. He's a fucking Robin you know he's being a sassy boy the whole time, even towards the end when he's about done he's still saying he's her and I love Tim for that.
Note: There are a few different times where Tim does a flippy Robin move and then Jason just fucking copies it like flexing that he can do it too, and its just so petty and stupid he's trying so hard to be better than an actual child. 💀I get why in the context of the situation but its still so ridiculous.
Message on the wall in Tim's blood?
TBH I really don't know for sure on this one?? Like its implied that he did but Tim isn't bleeding all that much throughout this beatdown and like we don't see Jason do it just the Titans reacting to seeing it after. It could be Tim's blood, it could be red paint, and it could even be that Jason packed an actual bucket of blood to bring with him to write a message with after he finished. TBH the world is your oyster on this one.
Note: If anyone can find another comic where this event was brought up where they actually clarify it was Tim's blood hmu and I'll update this but I couldn't find any.
Pit rage/ glowing green eyes?
Fanon only at this point in the comics. Jason is seems to be himself and even thinks Tim and his friends are pretty cool at the end, and he's just like reflecting on if he had good friends if he would have turned out better as he leaves.
#tim drake#jason todd#red hood#robin dc#teen titans#comic panels#jason and tim#teen titans 2003#dc comics#panels are from teen titans (2003) issue 29#i would never tell anyone they have to read comics but i do think seeing the original scene of fanon favs is good#not because you need to follow them but because its good to know what you're taking inspo from#jason attacking tim at titans tower#LONG POST
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