#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever

[ifyourereadingthisblinktwice]

i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

50 things I’ve learned this year during a global pandemic/general life advice from your local teenage train wreck :) (Pt. 1)

1. It’s okay to let go. Of things, people, old interests, even your past self. It doesn’t matter. If it isn’t benefiting you anymore, it’s okay to let things go.  

2. No relationship is worth pursuing that doesn’t match your energy. If someone’s not matching the love you give them, pull back to match their energy. That way, you save your energy for the people in your life that do. Most times, the people who do match your love and energy are the one’s that are in it for the long run and will be there for you. 

3. Stop caring what other people think about your interest. Often times we have so much shame for liking what we like. Why is that? If it isn’t hurting anyone, then why does it matter that you have an obscure taste in music, books, movies, etc.? Stop apologizing for what you like!

4. It’s okay to not want to grow up, even if that’s all you wanted to do as a kid. You don’t have to grow up. 

5. Going off of that, if you’re a “gifted” or “mature” kid, it’s okay to mourn your childhood you never had. Watch that show that you never did as a kid and fall in love with it. Finger paint with no exterior motive. Read way below your reading level. Reread Harry Potter or the Percy Jackson series. Play outside. You deserve it. 

6. “Kids” shows, including atla, lok, etc. often have more complex and interesting plots and characters than most “adult” shows these days. Don’t dismiss something just because it’s geared for a younger audience. Watch and learn from them. 

7. The changes you want to happen don’t suddenly happen. They’ll happen after many months of trial, error, and consistency. Take baby steps and celebrate small victories. 

8. You’re body will always be imperfect, and it’s okay. You’ll eventually learn to accept it once it doesn’t change so fast during adolescence, but don’t feel pressured to. It’s okay to not like how you look, just don’t let it keep you from enjoying life and your body from serving it’s purpose. 

9. Most high school guys don’t want a serious, long term relationship yet. They all have to mature a little bit for that, and it’s normal to feel frustrated about it, but don’t blame them too hard for it. You matured at a faster rate then them, and they still need a little more time. The best thing to do it wait for it. 

10. Questioning your sexuality is a normal part of life. You like guys? Good! You into girls? Great! It literally doesn’t matter, and God doesn’t really care either. There’s nothing in the Bible against it, and he made you that way right? Why not embrace it! Asami was your first gai crush? WONDERFUL! me too! Want to label yourself? I’ll respect and support whatever your decision is! Don’t know or don’t want to? Also perfect!

11. God (or whatever you believe in, or don’t!) made you imperfect for a reason: to embrace those imperfections and grow through them, to improve. Why would God put you on this earth if He didn't think that you had a reason to grow closer to Him through your imperfections? Make sure you use and acknowledge your imperfections, because they’re your lifeline to Him in prayer. It’s what you need to improve on, and ask help for, and that’s okay! (Spoiler alert, even when you do this stuff and work super hard, you’re human, and you’re still gonna mess up and make mistakes! Perfection wasn’t intended for humans, and I don’t believe it ever will be!)

12. When summer rolls around, get a summer job. Go down to the local ice cream place and ask if they’re hiring. Get an application and fill it out nicely with good handwriting. Then, take it back and wait. If they say yes, great! If not, that’s good too! Keep looking! Once you’ve found a place, settle in. Learn how things work. Learn how to do your job good and effectively. Immerse yourself in it. Then, have fun. Name the machines. (Big Bertha the waffle iron, or Fernanda the flurry machine, etc.) Name the ice cream flavors after your favorite fictional characters based on what they’d order (Aang is cookie dough, Obi Wan is mint chocolate chip, etc). Make new friends there and schedule your shifts with them. Get them in on your games too! It makes it more fun. Take time to show them your names for the ice cream flavors and machines, and maybe start using the names as abbreviations to make orders more efficient. Make sure you work only how much you can handle, even if that’s once a week or seven days for nine hours each. Whatever makes you happy! If you work in customer service, make them smile. Give the little kid extra sprinkles for wearing a fun mask or stickers if you have them. If there’s a tired mom, help her out by prioritizing her order to get out fast if possible. Whatever helps them. Thank the customers that tip! Then, get your paycheck in the mail and save all your tips. Put it in the bank and save it for college or when you need it. (Make sure to buy yourself something nice with the money sometimes too!)

13. When in school, don’t feel pressure to over achieve all the time. It’s okay to do the bare minimum sometimes. If you have an A, why are you worrying about if it’s a 95 and not a 98? It’s still an a, and that’s great! School is there to help you learn, so don’t force yourself to do extra busy work for a little extra credit (unless you absolutely need it!).

14. Take time to learn and do other things outside school that you may not be getting credit for. They’ll serve you in the long run! You like to write fan fiction? Keep writing! It’s helping! You love a sport? Good! It’s keeping you healthy while teaching you real life skills. Most of these things are gonna stick with you forever, so keep doing them and don’t let you passion fade away.

15. Write letters to your friends that live far away. Even if they don’t respond, they will appreciate having something that’s harder to lose or accidentally get deleted. Make the letter nice with pretty paper or colored pens or stickers, and spray your favorite scent on the envelope. Then seal it with a sticker and send it off. They really will appreciate it. 

16. Splurge on your own Spotify premium account and make a playlist for each mood. Make one for studying, working out, singing at the top of your lungs, one for when your happy, sad, etc. (You can also search my name, Hana Zainea, to listen to any of my playlists and see if we have the same music taste. If so follow me there and I’ll follow back to see your playlists!) Listen to your music and take time to enjoy it. Set aside ten to fifteen minutes just to do that. Let it flow through you and wake your soul up. 

17. Learn how to make handmade gifts. Wether that’s learning to make necklaces, earrings, bracelets, crochet, knit, or even make a nice card with hand lettering, learn how to make at least one solid handmade gift. It’ll give you a new skill as well as let the other people in your life that you love them. Handmade gifts are valuable and kept forever no matter how good they look. 

18. If your best friend lives far away like mine does, plan a monthly bsf subscription box. You can send each other a letter and a few little self care gifts once a month. It’s soooo fun and I can’t recommend this enough. 

19. Have photos that you like printed in physical form and hang them on your wall even if it’s just with tape. You’ll like being able to see and access happy thoughts and memories easily and have them hanging on your wall instead of sitting in your camera roll. 

20. You don’t have to keep up with social media. Delete it if you want, or limit your time on it if you want. Sometimes the “connection” we experience through social media isn’t always healthy, so monitor your use. 

21. Have a screen time widget on your phone and keep track of it. Try to cut your usage down by half an hour every week and eventually reduce it to the amount of time that you’d like to spend on your phone without being excessive, whatever that looks like for you. 

22. Meditate. This isn’t anything religious or spiritual, and it brings many benefits. It’s basically you setting a time aside to think for yourself. You can use one of the hundreds of guided meditations on youtube, or listen to theta waves/meditation music or just find a quiet place. Find a place where you know you won’t be disturbed, and then start to let your mind wander. What’s bothering you. When you turn off you mind, what’s the first thing that pops up? What keeps you from just being? What do you need to focus on in order to help yourself feel better? What are some things that you regret that are weighing on your heart? Now, what is your desired reality? Where do you want to live? Who do you want to meet/live with? What do you do? What do you act like? What do you have to do to make this happen? If you pray/are a christian, ask God for help with this desired life. (Remember, ask and you shall receive!)

23. Get yourself a hydro flask or any other durable water bottle, specifically a 16 or 32oz one. This way, it’s way easier to keep track of how much water you are drinking. A 16oz bottle is one pint and a 32oz one is a quart. Four of the 32 and eight of the 16oz are a gallon. Start by trying to drink a quarter of a gallon (2 16 oz or 1 32 oz) then a half, then three quarters, and eventually you’ll be drinking a gallon plus of water a day. (Put stickers on it to motivate yourself. Trust me it works wonders having fun stuff on there. Makes it enjoyable) 

24. If you’re able, make and give gifts often. It brings more joy than expected. 

25. Get rid of clothes. Toss all the old ones out. Reinvent yourself. Invest in pieces of clothing that are timeless (crewneck sweaters, cable knit sweaters, tan and brown colored dress pants, nice wool coats and sweaters, etc.) You’ll have these forever. 

26. Maintain your physical appearance. Make sure to change your clothes, follow proper hygiene, use lotion, etc. You’ll feel much better, trust me. You don’t have to use expensive products or put on a full face of makeup either, but putting some effort in will make you feel much better about yourself. 

27. Find a tea that tastes good to you. (Preferably without caffeine so you can drink it whenever.) Try everything! Then get yourself a nice mug and have some at a dedicated time each day. Relax and enjoy a constant in your life. 

28. If you’re into it, research and try reality shifting. I’m not going to go into depth in this post (that would take awhile) but if you’re really needing an escape but can’t go on vacation due to money, time crunches, etc, you can shift to any alternate reality that you’d like. Further in depth post about this to come. 

29. Read. Anything. A book, and article, the paper, the news, even the back of a cereal box. Think about it. What did you learn? Anything? 

30. Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice. 

31. Call your parents if you live away from home. If not, spend more time with them. They love and miss you. 

32. Same with your siblings. 

33. And grandparents.

34. Find a way to remember your home town. Know it like the back of your hand. 

35. Read Shell Silverstien poems. They’re funny. 

36. Have a piece of jewelry that you never take off. Keep it to remind yourself of your sanity and to remember yourself. 

37. Cry of you need to. It’s bad to hold it in. 

38. Series you should read (even though some are nerdy): Harry Potter, Percy Jackson/Heros of Olympus, The Hunger Games, The Red Queen Series, The Giver Series, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit. 

39. Standalone books you should read: The Book Thief, The Fault in our Stars, They Both Die in the End, Where the Crawdads Sing, The Scarlet Letter, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, The DaVinci Code, The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye, Out of my Mind, Love that Dog, The Unfinished Angel, To Kill a Mockingbird, Romeo and Juliet

40. Shows you should watch: Avatar (Even if you’re a casual fan of the fandoms) : The Last Airbender, Legend of Korra, The Mandalorian, The Office, The Clone Wars, Parks and Rec., Stranger Things

41. Standalone Movies/Series you should watch: The Notebook, any of the Disney classics (specifically Lion King, Hercules, and others during that era), the Harry Potter movies, the Hunger Games movies, The Star Wars Movies, All of the Pixar movies (specifically Soul and Coco), Ten things I hate about you, the perks of being a wallflower, Clouds, If anything happens I love you

42. Artists to listen to: Norah Jones, James Taylor, John Denver, Anson Sebra, Ed Sheeran, The Paper Kites, The Artic Monkeys, Conan Grey, L. Dre (for Lofi) Song recs are on my Spotify haha (Hana Zainea) 

43. Invest in good supplies for art. It’ll make a difference.

44. When something feels off, clean your bathroom. Not your depression cave of a bedroom. Your bathroom. Trust me. It helps so so so much to have on clean space. 

45. Have a cohesive scent. Like lavender? Buy lavender everything. Use it in lotions, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, candles, etc. You’ll have a scent that people will now associate with you and you only. 

46. Learn how to cook while your at home. Ask your parents if you can go to a nutritionist and learn what foods nourish your body the best. Eat them and let yourself feel good about what you put in your body. 

47. Learn how to do basic home improvements while still at home. Fix toilets, clogged drains, clean ovens, showers, sinks, etc. You’ll be grateful. 

48. Don’t do drugs/drink. It’s not worth dulling your senses to miss out on your wonderful life. 

49. Annotate your books. It makes you engage more and you’ll like looking back on them. 

50. If no one is looking, you should totally cart surf down the isle at the grocery store. It’s the little things that count. 

[katsukikitten]

Fading Summer

He held the purple controller with deadly hands, sitting shoulder to shoulder, feet from the TV with Kirishima, Denki, and Deku. The N64 you brought into the dorms has been the center of attention since you pulled it out of the dull cardboard box . Purple grape with one purple grape controller and the other jungle green. The other two controllers where black and midnight blue that you, the ash blonde, Kiri and Mina spent hours....weeks finding so more people could play either Mario kart or Smash bros together.

At first the scarlet eyed boy was aprahensive about the old gaming system. He saw how Kirishima and Pikachu would spend hours upon hours on their shared switch that could have been spent studying or training.

That was until he was challenged by you one lazy afternoon.

"Come on Katsu play one game with us!!!" Eiji begged, patting a spot between you and himself. Katasuki lounged on the couch, legs outstretched as he was planning to watch a movie before you two barged in.

Before you used your puppy dog eyes to get the remote so you two could play.

"No shark face." He sneered over the rim of his book. He locked eyes with you before a smile crept onto those soft lips.

"He's just scared he'll get his asked kicked is all Eiji." She said haunty, as she selected her character.

"Oh like hell I am." He snarls, climbing from the couch and forcing you and Kiri to scoot away from one another to make room.

He never could ignore the call of a challenge. And from then on he bested everyone, everytime in whatever game but you.

When he asked why you wouldn't want a switch instead your face lit up, as if reliving the bitter sweet nostalgia as you said.

"I've just had so many good times playing this with my friends and family. I just can't give it up."

So he had learned to love the feeling of the smooth plastic in his hands as this small thing was something that made him feel closer to you. Especially now that you two spent countless summer hours right here in front of the TV, laughing, shoulder to shoulder with a notebook keeping score of each others wins.

A notebook that lies open to the dark eyed boy, displaying the harsh tallies of class 1As winnings, everyone had at least one inky black tally before Katsuki played.

Everyone but you who had been absent since finishing dinner. His eyes wander to the stairs leading to the girls dorms before "PLAYER ONE WINNER" is bellowed from the TV.

"Come on Katsu let someone else win!" Mina whines as she pouts on the couch

"Nah you dip shits should just get better." He says dropping the controller to make his way to the couch.

"Where's Y/N?" Deku asks earning a glare from the ash blonde for asking first, "She's missing the last tournament before school starts again."

"Oh she said she wasn't feeling too well at dinner." Momo says, bringing the snacks from the kitchen. "She said she was going to bed."

You press the heels of your palms into your eyes.

"Get your shit together." You growl harshly at your reflection. Fat tears threatening to spill again, "Why are you crying over something so fucking stupid!"

Your reflection doesn't answer as you stare yourself in the eye, it only mirrors you splashing hot water onto your face as you scrub a towel over your cheeks.

When you hold eye contact again, it's as if you weren't crying.

You paced in your room, damning yourself for thinking sleep would soothe the weighted void that sits in your chest. Chiseling away at your heart until you were compelled to move.

To run, if even for a moment to have a taste of the dying summer air on your tongue one more time.

You stalk down the stairs quietly, having waited long enough for the tournament to be over. The light from the TV glows faintly in the dark hallway, you eased into the shadows on silent feet with your eyes on the prize.

"Oi, You're not as quiet as you think you are." You jump what feels like six feet in the air. Hand hovering over the cool handle of the front door.

The gruff voice comes from the direction of the living room and you do not need to turn around to know who it belongs too.

You thought for sure that whoever was in the living room was either knocked out or absorbed in the late night TV.

You feel your heart hammer in your chest, blinking furiously at the lingering tears. You're afraid your voice might give you away but your hesitation will tip him off.

"Oh Katsu, you're up so late. And on the first school night!" You tease him as you normally would, though you keep your back to him, he sucks his teeth.

"And where are you going at 10:30 at night?" You don't have to see him to know he is crossing his arms with distaste.

"Im just stepping out to the convenience store." You huff, not sure how much longer you can use your voice evenly.

The sun had already set so early tonight compared to the rest of summer. The sun no longer wanting to kiss the earth, to kiss you for over eight hours a day.

No it was dwindling and dwindling fast.

And that *scared* you.

"This late? By yourself? I don't think so." He says darkly. Hiding the concern in his voice the only way he knows how, with malice.

"Oh Katsuki-kun. I'm a strong independent young hero. I can handle myself for a ten minute walk." Except it won't be a ten minute walk, your feet will urge you further. You pull the handle and with it the door just for it to be slammed shut by a hot palm. He looms over you now, so close you can feel his breath on your ear when he speaks.

"Not by yourself. It can wait til morning. If its medicine I'll get it." You feel his eyes on you as they survey, you bite your lip debating on tricking him.

On sending him on a wild goose chase just so you could sneak out on that ten minute walk.

But you think better of it, he would be honest with you if the shoe was on the other foot and I'm sure he'd want you to be honest now.

Whether you wanted to admit it or not you knew in the back of your head that Bakugou Katsuki could read you like a book and vice versa.

It was only natural with how much time the two of you spent together this summer.

This now decaying summer that you could smell in the air after the rain, the slight smell of decomposing leaves that is so faint you almost think it false until Mina made that damn comment this afternoon. Wrapped in her hot pink towel, yellow eyes glued on Kiri who wrestles with Katsu in the pool.

*"Its gonna be winter before we know it." *

And those words hadn't left you since.

Not even now under the heated gaze of your crush.

The one who kinda reminded you of summer itself.

Hot, explosive like a storm and almost unpredictable.

"I'm going Katsuki." You say darkly, most you faulter but he is not like most, "So you can either let me go alone or you come with me."

He scarlet eyes rover over you, unsure of what you're feeling in the low cast of the moonlight from outside but your tone tells him something is wrong whatever it is.

Something tells him you aren't going to the corner store either.

"Fine." He bites out, resisting the urge to push you against the door to tell you that you are not going, instead he pushes away, "Just let me grab my fucking phone."

He walks backwards to the living room sending you a glare before turning on his heel.

A glare in warning not to leave without him. So you don't.

He huffs as the two of you walk in silence, eyes watching the corner store fade behind the both of you.

"So where are we really headed?" He sighs in mock agony.

"You'll see!!" Your mood has improved some, at least since you pulled in a giant breathe of air when the two of you stepped outside.

The crickets still singing in the warm night, calling to you in their song.

Your eyes look to the sky to see the full moon, your whole body relishing the warmth of the night time air. Smile so wide on your face that it hurts.

A smile that Katsuki finds contagious as his lips turn upwards, eyes glued to you.

You hear a clock chime signaling the time and you gasp, grabbing onto Katsuki's rough hand, dragging him as you break into a full spring.

"We're gonna miss the train!" You yell to him which encourages him to keep pace.

Once the doors close behind you, you both grip your knees gasping for air.

The only other person on the late night train smiles, eyes twinkling with sudden memories of their own late nights.

"Where the fuck are we going?" Katsuki asks with little bite in his voice as you settle in front of the window.

"Its a secret!!!" You sing song as the train rushes by scenery that he watches you drink up as if this is the last time you'll see it.

It isn't until the train crosses the bridge does he realize you two are headed to the last stop.

Which come faster than he'd like, only now is he realizing he could watch you stare out at the stars all night, the train chimes overhead and you stand pulling him once more.

You find yourselves in a huge crowd and you smile pulling him further through the throngs of people. You stop when you see little stands set up every where filled to the brim even so late at night. You stop suddenly to ask a woman in a beautiful yukata that shimmers in pinks and golds like the setting sun.

"Excuse me what is this?" You ask politely, your curiosity earning a huge smile.

"Ah this is the End of the Summer Festival!" When she says the word end you squeeze Katsuki's hand tighter, "All things summer is here for you to enjoy!"

He watches your face almost become crest fallen.

"Why so late in the day," His tone comes out harsh and the woman glances between the two of you giving a small blush.

"Ah it's an all day event so everyone can enjoy it! Some people work so late they were missing it and others just couldnt say good bye to summer before sunset. Please enjoy the festival!"

You blink hard and try to take in your surroundings. You spy many little market stands filled with food, games and hell even an arcade.

Katsuki does not pull away from your soft grip on his hand, in fact his interlocks your fingers so you can pull him better. You don't look back when he does it and you don't look back as you pull him through the stands.

You start by buying you both Yakitori, followed by mouthwatering Ayu, some Takoyaki and all sumed up by sweet Taiyaki.

That is until you spot the famous colored cotton candy shaped like a fat unicorn horn.

Katsuki does not complain while he waits in line with you, your eyes finding your next adventure. He does not complain when you ask him to take a picture of you underneath the paper lanterns, that hit you in such a way that he cannot take his eyes off of you, or your smiling face as you stare at him.

You do not realize he sends the picture to himself as you slide your hand back into his offering him some of the sugary string to which he takes a large bite.

Letting the sugar dissolve agaisnt his tongue he wonders if your lips will be as sweet if not sweeter. He blushes but you do not notice as you drag him to a game.

"Step right up! Only 500 yen!" The man calls, "Break the record of seven watermelons with one punch and win the grand prize!"

Your eyes widen with glee as you see the oversized cat plush holding your favorite dessert, a taiyaki bun, in its obnoxiously cute black paws. The thing is so cute and sweet just looking at it makes Katsuki a little nauseous but when he sees the want glinting in your eyes he reluctantly releases your hand with out your asking to crack his neck.

"Alright line up as many as you've got." His eyes gleam with competative arrogance, forearm dancing with small explosions.

"Alright. If you can do 10 then I will throw in 10,000 yen." The elderly man says smugly lining up over 25 watermelons.

"Heh. Get ready to pay up gramps. Oh and of course I want that cat too."

"Sure thing kid. But you gotta get seven if you wanna win that for your pretty girlfriend over there." He laughs and Katsuki's cheeks burn with rage and blush.

He winds up and packs it with punch as he slams his fist into the first watermelon obliterating it and the shock from the blast causes the other 25 watermelons to explode as well. You squeal with delight.

"KATSUKI-KUN YOU WON!" Practically jumping with joy over his triumph confirming that he would do it all over again just to see you that happy.

Even if it took him braking 25,000 watermelons he would fucking do it for just a glimpse of the smile you've been hiding the past few days.

Katsuki smirks with manic malice as he jumps up to grab the oversized cat before holding out his hand.

The elderly man stands in uter shock as he stares down the red mess before him hesitant as he digs around for his little silver box of cash. He counts out the 10k yen sending you two on your way.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" You say as you squeeze the hell out of the cat, still jumping. Katsu sucks his teeth unable to keep the genuine smile off of his own face.

"It was nothing." He says as you slip your ever soft palm to his. His skin buzzes everytime yours touches his and he gladly let's you take the lead.

"Ah I'm thirsty after all that excitement." You beam, Bakugou spies a soda stand, fingering the easily got yen in his pocket.

"I'll get us a cherry soda, stay put." He says as he stands you off to the side since the line is hatefully long. He stares down at his phone at the picture of you he just took, smiling like a mad man as he waits.

You will always be worth the wait.

"This is your final warning." You growl darkly, causing Bakguou to look up with sharp eyes. He sees you placing the stuffed animal on the bench as this guy harasses you.

"Come on sugar tits." Katsuki practically blows up in line then and there as he stalks towards your back. He slips his right arm around your front pressing into your left hip bone pushing you into his body. He tilts his head as he left hand ignites inches from the guys face.

"Did you just fucking call *my* girl sugar tits?" His voice is so dark near your ear that you blush, letting your quirk fade from your palms.

And did he just say my girl?

Your gut clenches as he pulls you impossibly closer. Hand still letting off pops.

"I think you owe her a fucking apology before I make you sorry you ever thought you could disrespect a woman like that you stupid fuck."

"I..I'm sorry." The guy stammers with his now burnt off eyebrows as he bows deeply.

"Grab Neko-chan, Y/N." Katsuki purrs in your ear barely letting you go to do so. You hold onto the cat with all your might, heart banging against your rib cage as you overthink the encounter.

He was just doing it to be nice right?

You hesitantly reach for his hand before changing your mind. He glances at you with searing red eyes offering you his open palm.

"Where to next?" He asks, you stare at the invitation, frozen for a moment before you grab onto him with a strong hold.

"This way!" You smile taking him and Neko-chan in tow. You lead him to the small arcade challanging him to see who can win the most in street fighter.

He somehow kicks your ass by one match and you smile at this genuine excitement for victory. He catches you staring as you blush, nuzzling half of your face into Neko-chan's fur, making your eyes seem larger and doe like.

Katsuki swallows, more blush dusting his cheeks as he asks is a gruff tone.

"Whatchya starin at?" You giggle in response.

"Nothing!" You fight another giggle, arms tightening around black fur, "I just like your real smile is all."

He sucks his teeth and looks away not trusting himself to ignore the urge to shove that damn plush out of the way to see the smile you're hiding behind it, or to keep himself from kissing those lips that are curled up.

"I'll be right back." He leans in close to you with nothing separating you two but Neko-chan, "Try not to let anyone else hit on ya kay?"

"K...kay." He's pretty sure that's the first time you've stumbled over your words, positive that's the first time he's seen your cheeks so red.

On the way back from the bathroom he spies two little necklaces in the display case of prizes. One is a purple N64 console and the other is the matching controller. He likes the idea of them around your neck thanks to him and taps the counter with his freshly won 10,000 yen tapping at the set.

He produces the two small chains and watches as your eyes light up.

"Aaahhh!" You say separating the two as you slide the N64 console around your neck, holding out the controller to him. He frowns as he glares at it.

"You're supposed to wear both." He growls, though his grimace fades with every second you stare at him.

"No silly they are best friend necklaces!!!" You half sequal as you shove it over his neck. You tuck it beneath his black skull shirt, "See now it's our secret."

You smile a devilish smirk before you glance at the time on the analog clock behind him. You grab onto his hand with a death grip.

"Katsuki come on we are gonna miss it!" You whine as you drag him back into the busy street further and further through the festival until the people are so few and far between he wonders where you're taking him.

That is until his smells the tang of salted air brought in by what is normally a refreshing breeze that feels chilled from the changing seasons.

You rush him to the sand, breathing in the heavily summer scent, kicking off your shoes to feel the once warmed sand.

"Come on Katsuki-kun come on!" You urge as he fights with his own shoes willing to follow you to the ends of the Earth and it feels that way where you're taking him. Past a small bonfire to a secluded part of the beach where the moon hangs high over the ocean.

One can see all of the stars in the universe there in that little spot, his eyes look up drinking it all in before looking at an even more beautiful sight.

His heart skips a beat as your eyes dance in the starlight, cheeks now moon kissed and hair ruffled from the wind off the ocean, you close your eyes for just a moment to breath it all in.

The last bit of summer that you can smell before it all begins to disappear into sharper, more crisp smells.

He's close enough to you that he can smell the salt and sugar clinging to your skin, to your lips. He sighs, content for once in his life. Then the stars begin to fall in the deep reflection of your eyes.

"Katsu look!" You whisper shout and he follows your gaze to watch the sky fall.

"Make a wish make a wish!" You urge again and he silently prays that this moment will never end.

But sadly it does, as quickly as it came it went and your crest fallen face has his heart jumping into his throat. He attempts to swallow it down.

"Something wrong?" He asks so softly you wonder if it is still Bakugou sitting next to you and that one little question causes the tears to spill.

Yes something was wrong, terribly wrong.

"Oi..." He pulls you to him shielding your tears from the world as his hand subconsciously trailed up and down your spine, "Why are you crying? Are you not enjoying the last bit of summer?"

"That's it Katsu that's the problem. S..sum..." You choke on your tears before continuing, "Summer is ending and before you know it, it will be winter again. And then a new year and then summer will have flown by faster and faster until the next thing you know my whole life has slipped through my fingers. And I will be left feeling as if I missed all of it. Just like I am now, like I always do."

You fist his shirt as you cry, let it all out all the horrible thoughts of your life going by in the blink of an eye, as every new winter brings you more and more unhappiness and you are unsure why.

You only find solace in summer as things seem to slow down. When the days are stretched deep into the evening and each hour is blessed with such happy memories. Times of you with your N64, of you spending many hours outside baking in the heat of the sun, of miserable days when even the icecream is happy to melt. And especially this summer, *this* night that you've spent with Katsuki.

Memories you can never replace and pray

Hope and plead to any Kamisama who is listening that they will never allow you to forget.

"Hey it's all right." He soothes, "We can come back to this festival every year to help say good bye."

You hiccup, your tears slowing.

"And if that doesn't work I'll lasso the fucking sun for you. I'll be your summer incarnate. I'll do anything, *anything* to keep my girl smiling. To keep you smiling. All you have to do is fucking name it."

You blink away the tears as you stare up into his face and you can tell he's serious that he means it. Red fireworks erupt over head, lighting his eyes with an undying fire and you kiss him. Kiss him how you wanted to all summer. Slow burn that quickly ignites as your hands grab onto one another. Each fire work encouraging deeper and deeper kisses until you pull away. Almost gasping for breath. Your skin feeling heated as it does when you lie out in the sun too long. You hold his gaze, heart fluttering, eyes pricking with tears once more.

"Then lasso me the fucking sun, Katsuki."

[neshabeingchildish]

03. Robin’s Telling

I’m using some of my head canons I shared when @writing-excuses​ was wondering about ones we have for Chasper in this fic. So, y’all’ll see some things that aren’t necessarily canon, but I’m trying to a certain degree to be canonical with who the characters are at their core, and trying to build the story on that. Try to be patient with me, as this ain’t really that popular of a ship and don’t really have a super amount of ‘canon fodder.’ Lol. I have about 5 chapters outlined, so after the next couple, it may slow down a little. 

Robin’s Telling or Tales from the Friendship Zone

So, whenever they were in 6th grade, Jasper and Charlotte were assigned to this team building experiment disguised as a creative writing project. They had to write a round robin story, which means that they took turns adding material to the story and had to try to feed off of the last of the information by their partner to write the installment of the story. Jasper started it off and Charlotte found it a challenge to sometimes make sense of whatever nonsense he had written, but she was a girl who could appreciate a good challenge. What she hadn’t appreciated was the ruse by their teacher to make her and Jasper get along better! But. she had to admit, it helped. 

The friends used the story and the notebook it was written in to continue this process and in turn, sort of built upon their friendship as the saga continued.  When they came to the end of the spiral, Jasper panicked. “It can’t be over! We never made an ending for it!!!” He was seriously freaking out. Charlotte happened to have another spiral notebook available at the time, and she said, “Look... We can keep it up. Maybe... this could be the second season of it. I’ll even start it out.” She opened it and started this new installment of the story, then passed it to him. “Chill out. One of these days, it has to end.”

“According to who?” He wondered, snatching the spiral from her. She rolled her eyes and walked off.

And now, they were in season 6 of Robin’s Telling, as she liked to call it (He called it Tales from the Friendship Zone), and they rarely ever really used it, but every now and then, one of them would either continue from where they left off or ask the other if they had continued yet. It was in Jasper’s care at the moment and after he left her house (which was done after he watched her sleep for a little bit, then realized that was probably weird and creepy, but waking her up was probably dangerous). He got home and his mom wasn’t even there. Typical. But, he was able to pull out the current spiral and get some writing done. He’d pass it off to her at Man Band practice.

.

Charlotte and Henry were laughing and playing video games whenever Jasper came into work. “Hey, Jasp!” Henry cheered. Charlotte didn’t say anything. Jasper wondered if everything was okay between them. 

“Hey,” he said and put his gym bag away. “What are you two playing?”

“I’m playing. He’s just losing,” Charlotte said, laughing. 

“I’m playing, she’s just being mean,” Henry corrected. 

“Neither of those statements answered my question, but enjoy.” He went back to the store and Henry gave Charlotte a weird look. She ignored it and continued playing, so he moved on, too.

Later, whenever it was time for them to go home, Henry and Charlotte were discussing plans for at Henry’s house. Apparently, they were hanging out after work, too. Eventually, Henry made some comment that seemed to elude that Jasper was invited too, but he didn’t know if he wanted to hangout with the two of them. Maybe he was just overly sensitive because he shared a lot of very intimate. personal information with Charlotte and she seemed to be acting like it never happened. Maybe she was avoiding speaking with him because he made her uncomfortable. At any rate, he said, “I don’t know how my mom’s gonna act if I spend two nights away from home.”

“No, you’ll be home later tonight,” Henry said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Maybe, you could call ahead and check in with her, to see if she’s more understanding, if you do it that way?” Charlotte suggested.

Jasper nodded, “Yeah, I’ll do that.” Whenever he spoke on the phone with his mom, he told her that he would be hanging out with Henry until later on... “Yeah, she’s hanging out too...” Then he sighed and was listening to something for a while. Charlotte and Henry looked at each other. “There’s nothing like that going on. We’re all just friends. She’s a good girl. Top of the class...” 

Charlotte raised an eyebrow and leaned into the mouthpiece to say, “HEY JASPER’S MOM!!!” Henry pulled her to the other side of himself and Jasper rolled his eyes, but they didn’t know whether at Charlotte instigating with his mom, or with his mom, obviously on the other line, trash talking Charlotte. 

“I’m sure that she’ll be home by a time that’s decent for a young lady. She’s a good egg. I don’t feel like doing this. Do you need anything? Okay. Yeah, love you too.” He hung up and asked Charlotte, “Why would you provoke her?”

“She’s trash,” Charlotte said, simply. Henry gasped and Jasper furrowed his eyebrows. “Sorry. I meant to say she was talking trash about me. My bad. Words got choppy in my head.” She really meant what she’d said, but that was a bit much to say to someone’s face about their mom. 

“Good save,” Henry said, sarcastically and wrapped an arm around Jasper’s shoulder, “But, what kind of trash was she talking about Charlotte?”

“I’m interested, as well.”

“She asked, if my little friend was gonna be there, said what’s her name, then pretended to say the wrong names. Then, she said that if a girl hangs out with a couple of boys this much something fresh must be going on.” 

He didn’t want to go into detail, but his mother had advised him to use protection, in case she had something and also forbid him to do anything with her if both boys were in the room..

“You know what? I’m gonna shut my mouth and move on with my life,” Charlotte said. Jasper’s mom had SOME nerve, after the child-rearing job she’d done. Which reminded her, “Oh! Hey, I found something that might be useful for you. Actually, I heard an ad when I was listening to one of my podcasts. I’ll send you the info. She texted him a link to a therapy connection that charged $30 a week and you could text a licensed therapist! He smiled to himself and put his phone away. 

Henry was curious about what she’d sent to him, but tried not to butt in. There was some kind of other friendship happening with those two that he knew he wasn’t included in. SO, he made a conversation topic that the three could participate in. 

.

At Henry's, Jasper seemed in his own world. Charlotte was concerned about it, because he usually was the most talkative and cheerful one. At some point, while Henry was in the bathroom, she asked, "You okay, Jasper?"

He sighed, "I thought maybe you didn't care one way or another. I'm… worried that I weirded you out with all my baggage. You're not supposed to unpack in front of people unless you're going to be there for a while. I feel like I just dumped it all over the place and then suddenly, you were distant."

"It wasn't like that to me. I thought that speaking about your trauma probably stirred up some things and maybe you could use a break from focusing on it. Sorry if I seemed taken aback. I wasn't. In fact, I feel closer to you than ever. I'm honestly glad you felt like you could come to me. Are you gonna use that service I sent you?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna check it out. Do you mind if I hug you?" 

She smiled and went over for the hug, fell on his lap and they laughed about it, but she didn't move. Jasper had a pretty cozy hug. They didn't usually hug much, but his arms were bigger than she'd noticed and he was soft and slightly cushioned. It was like hugging a life-size, warm, plushie, or as comforting, anyway. Plus… did Jasper always smell this good? That was definitely new. 

He strummed her back and she rested on his shoulder until they heard, "Whoa!" Henry was back and he was shocked and confused by the contact. 

Charlotte got up and said, "I fell. Shut up."

"Fell and landed right in Jasper's lap, into a hug, on his shoulder, huh?"

"That's what I said," she told him. 

Henry looked at Jasper. "What? Sometimes people fall." He smiled at Charlotte and her face went warm. Sometimes people fall. Such a simple and true statement. Sometimes people fall in more ways than one. Not as simple, but she couldn't tell yet if she minded it at all.

.

Charlotte was surprised to see that Jasper had handed her the copy of Robin’s Telling. It had been a long while since they’d passed it around, but the anticipation of whatever she was feeling lately about him was heightened by her memories of how this process had brought them closer as friends. Jasper was kinda cute, if she was honest. If you took away some of his weird quirks and gross habits and just looked at him - like... if she had seen him in passing without knowing that he picked at his scabs, or asked you to help pop pimples on his back... She’d have to say that she thought he was an attractive guy. And either he was going through some life changes or she just had started paying attention - but a lot of his gross habits she couldn’t recall seeing lately.

It was almost like he had been either getting better or at least pretending to be more dignified. She hoped that meant that he was talking to someone about his problems and improving himself as he felt healthier. It still blew her mind that he carried around pain in that jolly body of his. That behind that boyish smile were tears that he didn’t shed or didn’t show to even his closest friends. She hoped that he knew that he could, if he needed to. She hoped that he was gonna sleep well tonight. 

As she finished writing her segment in the notebook, she knew that her emotions would show up in it. They usually did. Whenever she had something on her mind, stress, sadness, or anything... it was generally reflected in the story. Jasper used to be able to tell. He’d always draw a cute and/or corny doodle on the page whenever he noticed that she was down via her entries.

And a few days later, whenever she got it back, he had drawn her a three legged pickle, “a tri-pickle, if you will.” 

[mamabearlarusso]

Journal: Getting Back to the Real World…Easier Said Than Done Part 2

So...since I knew what I wanted to do next, there was research to be done first. I started looking through pictures to get the right look...then I dug through all my old phones and contacts to find the number...it was a long time since I had the need to call it.

"Yelll-ooo?"

"Hey, Joey, it's Mandy...you manning the phones for your dad still?"

"Heeey, Mandy! Long time, girl! No, Dad put down the needle, a while ago...been living it up in one of those communities with Mom. He's got a weekly poker game with guys up there, too."

"That's really great to hear, Joey. He deserves it. You know, your Dad was my first? I thought I knew everything about what was going to happen, tried to hide how nervous I was. But he knew...he could definitely tell I was out of my element."

"Dad's a pro, you can't go forty-two years in the business and not pick up the signs."

"Yeah, I guess not. But he sure made me feel comfortable and was a complete gentleman about everything. I'll never forget that."

"It was just how Dad was raised, how he raised me...having respect for all clients is a must...no matter how hot they are." *grins*

*blushing* "Hey now. Didn't I hear somewhere that you got hitched?"

"Yup, to my one and only sweetheart, Vicky. Met her right out of college...and while you bring up the subject, didn't I hear someone made an honest woman out of you?"

"Married almost twenty years, two beautiful kids...divorced five months ago."

"Sooo...you're--"

"Yeah, soooo--maybe I should have a talk with that Vicky of yours." *raises a brow*

*clears throat* "Now...what did you need...dial the wrong number?"

"Very funny, Joey...looking for a new piece...can I email you some reference pics?"

"Sure...*waits for them to come through and looks them over*...where is this going to be?"

"Upper back, left of the spine."

"Okay, give me a few days to do a couple sketches and I'll call you back, alright?"

"Thanks, Joey. Love to the folks--"

"Will do, babe."

"--and to Vicky, Joey."

*laughs* "Just teasin', Mandy."

"Uh huh...see you in a few."

The next day after the phone call, Anoush walked into my office during lunch and sat down. He wanted a raise and to have some say in the next hire, since he would have to deal with them on the floor. He has definitely earned it, I couldn't have kept things going around here without him. I'm not exactly running on all cylinders yet either, so I wouldn't be able to handle him leaving for some place else. AND if I'm honest...if he left, I might just feel more of a failure, yet another person leaving--for whatever the reason--it's a pattern I don't think I'll ever get used to. So...we talked things out and I more or less gave him what we both needed...reassurance and security.

A few days had passed and work got a bit easier. I had looked through resumes and found a few I liked, then Anoush and I talked with them as they came in. I think we found a couple good ones. Things might actually be starting to look better around here. By their second day everything was going pretty well...so I when I got Joey’s call back, I felt secure and stable enough to take a long lunch. Anoush seemed calm and level-headed about it, too...he even smiled as he was shooing me out the door. 

As I drove to the old parlor--that I haven’t been to in decades--I felt happy. Blasting some AC/DC, banging my head and tapping the wheel to Iron Man...trying--but failing--not to think back the night we watched Iron Man and had Spaghetti for dinner...when things just kind of went pear shaped. I changed the channel to the oldies station and I Can’t Get No Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones was playing--it was perfect, for a minute or two...until it finished and Can’t Help Fight This Feeling by REO rolled over. You ever hear a song and it just hits you? Maybe not every lyric fits perfectly, but the music and some of the words paint a picture just right, or maybe it’s just enough to take you back to a memory and your living that memory over, or just wishing that the lyrics fit perfectly and wondering what it would feel like if it did and only half-listening to the song anymore? You know that feeling? Yeah, I don’t either.

I rolled into the parking lot and tried to wipe away my tears, before getting out of the car. I thought I was all touched up when I walked through the door, but as Joey stood up from his seat in the back to greet me, his mood changed and his face slowly stiffened as he escorted me into the back. “I haven’t seen that look in years, where does he live? I’ll definitely kick his ass this time.”

“No, Joey, I’m fine, I just...had a little bit of...what do they call it? I got hit with the feels...and they hit really hard this time around...but I'm good. You don't have to keep looking after me, I'm a big girl now, remember?"

*gestures to an empty seat a his work station* "Even big girls need help once in a while, Mandy."

*puts a hand up to his cheek and sighs* "You've always been a good boy and always treated me right. You ever wonder...?" *sits down*

*smirks and sits down* "Back then...hell yeah, I did. After seeing all those wrong guys you brought around here...*smugly*...when I was right in front of you...kinda hurts a guy's ego, you know?"

*Scrunches face* "Dude, you were the boss' kid AND three years younger than me, just out of high school. After all your folks did for me, I wasn't going to mess that up. Plus you didn't need me screwing with your mind, I was still pretty much a basket case back then...*laughs*...not that I'm much better these days. I just meant, If I wasn’t so...me, then maybe..."

"Hey, I’ve always liked you, Mandy...besides, I wouldn't have minded you scrambling the ol’ mind a bit." *grins*

*rolls eyes and tries not to smile* "Yeah, well, I'm sure Vicky would love to hear that."

*clears throat* "No, you're right, she'd totally kick my ass. You'd love her!"

*laughs* "I’ll bet. Now, are we gonna get this show on the road, or what?"

*opens a folder with the sketches, showing different angles and actions* "Here, let me know which one you like and we can get started."

*looks them over and a proud smile forms* (He's always been such a talented artist, and his skill has only improved over time) "Ooo, I like this one."

"Great." *hollers to an employee* "Kady!"

*steps in, behind the curtain* "Yeah, boss?" 

*hands her the page* "Prep this for me, will ya?"

"On it, boss." *looks to me* “Would you like some water?”

“Sure, that’d be great. Thanks.” *after Kady leaves, whistles* "Look at you, Mr. Boss Man. I remember when I was in her shoes, little miss go-fer. I was so happy to be off the phones, felt really accomplished.”

*Joey has a certain look in his eye as he sits back in his chair and crosses arms* “Okay, so, what’s the story with this new piece. You’ve been rolling with nostalgia every chance you get, and not mentioning much about your life now.”

(He knows me too well, all the time passed hasn’t changed that.) *puts down my purse and relaxes in the chair* “Well, all the drama before and after divorce nearly broke me, alright?” I got caught up in it all and old Mandy started peaking back out. I’m not proud of it. I thought I had gotten rid of her and buried the shovel, but--”

“Hey, shit happens. We don’t always react well to it. I know I wouldn’t handle divorce well in any capacity. But I know you, deep down you’re a good person, Mandy. No time away can change that or my mind about that.”

*Swallows back tears and tries to smile* “You know, you’re not the first person to say that me, lately.”

“I’d call you every week and remind you, too, if Vicky would let me. *smirks* so how does this *gestures to the still open file* come from that?”

“Well, I gained a couple friends out of it all--”

“Hey, look at that!”

“Smart ass! Anyway, one way or another...they helped me through everything and one them had to go and move outta town. I don’t know...I just never want to forget what he did for me, you know?”

*has that knowing look in his eye again* “Ah, he’s clawing at you still, isn’t he? All that tooth and nail business. What’s with the snake?”

The look in his eye...he knows it’s more than I’m saying, but he’s not coming out and saying it right out. He knows me, he doesn’t have to. *rolls eyes, and chuckles at the memory* “His nickname, from some lame joke.”

“Oh, a lame Mandy joke, haven’t heard one of those in a while. Hit me.”

*shakes head and sighs* “Fine. Well, he’s all about Cobras, right? Cobras are tough...Cobras are badass...and all that. But I caught him in a weak moment once and teased him. ‘Are you sure, you’re really a cobra and not a rattlesnake, because I think you’re shaking.’”

*laughs* “Oh jeez, I didn’t realize how much I missed those.”

*Kady walks back in* “Here you go, boss.” *hands him the sheet and me a coffee cup full of water*

*Joey stands up* “I’ll give you a minute. Kady you mind helping her get set up?” *sighs and laugh as walks out to the front* “I think you’re shaking.”

After I got all bandaged up, and Joey sent me on my way with the next appointment, I was back in the car on my way back to work and I felt good--sore, but good. I had to fix the seat and sit up just right, but I’d handle it...I just needed some tunes to take my mind off it...I just needed a song to let loose, let it all out...and forget for a little bit. Playing around on the stations I finally found something good...Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine...oddly enough, it was perfect...it took me back to my time working at the parlor. Once the song was over though, the next up slammed me right back to flashback land...Don’t You Forget About Me...my eyes starting watering as I sighed and sat back in my seat, quickly wincing at the pain. I start laughing hysterically. “Even if it WAS possible before, I don’t think I can now, Rattles.”

Ali had called to reschedule our brunch at her place, stuff came up at the hospital and she would be working late. We even made a point to make appointments at my old gym to get those cheesecake-burning exercises in. So, I had some time to heal up before my next appointment, work was getting better, things were going good with Ali...I felt like I more or less could breathe again.

[edelwary]

when you were first getting into art, what and how did you draw? (like did you just doodle ur masterpieces on pieces of paper and posted-notes or did you have a proper sketchbook) how did you find motivation? bc ive been trying to draw but I always get unmotivated and stop while still wanting to get better just by doing nothing.

REALLY LONG, LOTS OF ADVICES FOR ARTISTS : 

TL;DR ; skip to the HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW part bc i have a megaton of shit to say lol + The MOTIVATION part 

mmh… I’ll get into details with this one tbh bc it’s a long ass process ahah : 

I live by the sea ; when i was youung i used to draw TONS of boat, but like, dollhouse boats, you could see the insides and stuff ; i loved to add tiny details and stuff, and imbricate everything together !

around 8 or 9 yo, i went to the public library with school and discovered the wonderful world of mangas ! I basically… Copy pasted an entire Mermaid Melody tome x) 

For about 2 years i alternated between reading mangas and trying to copy them ! Then i just kept drawing in the margins of my schoolwork for about… 5 years ! I have a Fuck Ton of sketchbooks of that time, it was… The start. Lol. Never say it’s bad because it’s never bad, just not there yet !!

Around my 13 yo, i went every saturday, for two years, under a bookstore ; there was a cave, and drawing classes ; that teacher was mean and harsh and stuff, but like… Not really. He would take away my eraser for the class, force me to use pencil, to draw something else (bulky boys instead of magical girls). 

I’ve learned a lot, more in terms of How To LEARN to draw than to draw itself, but i still progressed a LOT !! 

Then i kept drawing by myself for a year and i really worked hard on it ; about hours a day, trying watercolors and stuff ; i have a real problem with colors in traditionnal art, but i’m much better with lines (i should scan some RAD stuff i made in the weekend, yall ive never done anything this good i stg i dont know why i always forget im so much better on paper) 

This gets us to my sweet 16 ; i have to year of advance, bc i got ‘’’promoted’’’ idk how to say it ; anyways, i entered my (current) animation school for the first year at 16; vERY IMPRESSIVE AND TERRIFYING. 

And i learned. A fuckmegaton. Of shit there. 

Now i’m going for my third year there and i can make photorealistic marmora blades and cyberkpunk decors if i want to and that’s rad, but here is

 HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW : 

I have one HYPER important advice, and i’m keeping it to heart since i’m like, 11 : Have. Sketchbooks. Please !!! It’s very important. Here’s why : 

You keep everything with you in one place. You have 1 sketchbook, it’s basically easy to take every where (a A5, or A4 are pretty easy to carry, i have like, 12 of those, and around 8 of A3) 

You keep track of what you’ve done. It’s super important, bc first you can cry of laughter at your old stuff bc its cute but not so good, and second, you can just be like ‘holy mama’ and see how much you’ve improved

It’s very important to be organized. I WORK in art, and trust me, if there’s something that i’ve learned this year through tears and missing files and bugs : Be. Impeccable. Now if it’s for fun, go a little loose, and just have a folder for art on your computer, and a sketchbook, no need to stress, but the better you try to keep a record of where is what, the better you’ll see whats wrong

Notebooks are friends !! You can draw, write, glue stuff, make notes, lists, everything !!! I have my life in those. It’s more important to me than any of my phones. 

Be proud of it. Like, not everything, duh ! But try to tell yourself than it’s like a RPG ; even if it’s only 2 xp here and there, one day you’ll beat level 40, and that’s super important : art is. Fuckin. Long.

I cant stress it enough. It’s soooo long !!! SO LONG !! it’s years. It’s like karate and fishing and ANYTHING. To be good at it, it takes time, but it WILL COME if you keep trying. There’s no secret passage. 

You’re gonna me it, believe in me who believes in you. 

Use. References. 

Coming from a little shit who’s got a really good visual memory, that can sound like bs, but i stg everything is always AT LEAST twice as good if you’ve used a visual support. 

I’m not saying COPY EVRYTHING (even though thats a good training) I’m saying, if you really want to do that asian tiger, please have at least two or three pictures of it nearby. Take photos of your hands, and stuff ! 

Make it harder. 

No eraser. 

Paint. 

I draw all my backgrounds on my sketchbook with INDIAN INK; no returns, no refunds. 

Ink, Ink, INK !! Don’t allow mistakes.

And if you make mistakes :

New page, restart

It’s okay

It’s for you

I once started back again a whole EXAM bc it was bad, i got one of my best grades 

You’ll improve and be more assured if you know you just have to DO IT. Trust me. It’s VISIBLE; if you can erase, you fidget and hesitate and ‘’kbeujebez hahhaaa idkkidsd’’ ; stop ; do it, and if you don’t like it ? Try again, there’s no time limit

Draw as large as you can 

There’s no interesting story here, it just helps. Bigger movement of the hand, more place for details, breathing lines

Thin lineart helps

Thinner. Make it even thinner

Break the rules, but not the ones that structure your art 

Big lineart ? Why not

Unfinished lines, vaporeous colors ? Pretty

Cubism is actually based on extensive and intense practice of classical art, it’s not wibbly wooblly ; the anatomy is more correct than you think 

Structure and composition are important, but so is movement and life ; choose your fighter ; mine is fluidity and fun, i’m like, a rogue/archer in drawing. Some people are dwarf fighter. That’s amazing and great. 

Don’t be afraid to do nothing

Pages and pages of my sketchbooks are actually just lance facing right and smiling, you know… 

Sometimes it just doesnt work : two ways :

Take a break, Kiki’s delivery service style

Keep trying, break your art until it obeys and comes back

Take breaks. Breath. 

Don’t compare. I do it, it doesn’t help at all. You’ll make it ; and if you compare, keep in mind that everyone’s different

I’m not gonna lie, it’s NOT easy, it’s even hard 

But I really, really think it’s worth it 

MOTIVATION :

My main bitch 

I’m always pumped for art because i can LITTERALLY NOT do anything else ; i love reading and writing and stuff but at the end of the day i just want !!! to draw !!!! aaaaaa-

Fall in love with it, and with the possibilities ; i have stories to tell, tell me yours ! Do your best, one day it WILL work

Actual advices : 

I have an inspiration blog where i just reblogs stuff i like to draw them later

Find a picture, copy it. Do it again. Change the characters (i have 2 ocs and Lance and Keith as default characters) in the pic. 

Like an artstyle ? Break it to its very core, analyse it, copy it, redo it, trace it and ABSORB it. Don’t copy/past, LEARN from your heroes.

Do what you like. I have 86578 pieces of voltron, this is not a coincidence. I have ENDLESS ideas for this show, wtf. 

Try new things. Buy indian ink im begging you. It’s so cool. 

Have a game with yourself, or a challenge. STICK TO IT. 

Study. When you’re bored, usually it’s because you’re stagnating. Make it harder or do hands until you cry. 

Love your backgrounds; make backgrounds, study trees, and tokyo streets, and venice’s bridges. Decor is just as cool as characters, if not more

Mess a little with everything. My roomate more than one found me stained from head to toes trying to DO STUFF 

Draw outfits. Draw what you want but can’t afford 

MAKE YOUR LIFE A COMIC. Remember those sketchbooks ? Make a comic a week/month/every full moon, whatever, and draw your life (mine’s the roomates au lol) 

Prompts blogs are cool too 

Make fanart of a fic you liked ; you have the characters and the pose already, you just have to illustrate ; double bonus, you probably will make a writer’s day, if not year !

That little movie that plays when you listen to your favorite song ? DRAW IT

Your favorite scene in your favorite movie ? Redraw each shot. On post it. Plus it looks awesome afterwards to have the infamous TREX scene of Jurassic Parks in post it

Get bored. That’s inevitable. Dance, scream, get back to it. Walk, draw everything you see. 

Make a paper google map street view : Take a walk : every 50 meters, draw what is in front of you. 

Snapchats your friends. Draw their snapchats when they answer 

Draw maps. Invent places. Invent bikes, and hovercrafts, and monsters. Make your everyday inventory. Make your life a video game, and do the concept arts of it. 

FETCH your inspiration. I have approx. 20 artbooks, full of drawings and concept arts of my fave movies/games ; take what you like and add it to the story you have since you’re 8. We all have one. 

Ask for it ; your sis, your mom, me even ! If you dont have ideas, someone will have them. 

WELL i’m gonna stop there, even though i got like, 9864567 more to say, but with this you should be fine ! Anon, i’m rooting for you ! we all start somewhere, just hold on!!!! 

[shannaraisles]

I was tagged by the lovely @thenightingalelily for this thing - I guess the rules are something along the lines of answer the 10 questions, then make up 10 more and tag people to answer them? ~grins~

1. What would you do with a million of whatever currency you use?

This is probably a fairly predictable answer, but pay off my family’s debts and get us all securely settled in housing that isn’t going to be ripped out from under us at the slightest infraction; learn to drive and get a car; get my best friend settled financially as well; and then probably drop what’s left in a high interest account against future troubles. Boring, huh?

2. Favorite video game soundtrack?

Baldur’s Gate, and Baldur’s Gate: Shadows of Amn. I have so many good memories of playing those games, whenever I hear the music it gives me a happy.

3. Do you use tumblr mobile or desktop?

Desktop. I barely know how to use my phone. :)

4. What’s your favorite t-shirt you own?

A massive black thing I bought a couple of years ago. It’s so soft, I wear it exclusively as a night-dress these days. It’s too good to be worn out!

5. Did/do you like school?

I loved school until I was in 3rd year second (age 14-15). My school at that time had an amazing ability to lose all interest in anyone who wasn’t achieving high at the academic level, so as soon as my grades started to drop, they didn’t offer any support or help. I was on my own, and I hated every last second of it.

6. What’s one talent you wish you had?

I wish I could be creative with my hands - drawing, or knitting, or even playing an instrument. I’ve tried it all, and stuck with it for months at a time, but I just don’t improve. It’s extraordinarily frustrating.

7. I’m gonna steal one cause I’m running out of ideas. Favorite tropes in fiction?

Good grief, you expect me to narrow it down? I have a deep love for any trope done well. It doesn’t have to be original, it doesn’t have to be seamless, but I get a little thrill whenever I recognize one in what I‘m reading.

8. Do you live to eat, or eat to live?

Both? I eat because I know I have to, but there are times when I will treat myself with something gloriously exciting for my mouth because it’s just so good, especially if I need a mood boost.

9. Top 5 Bioware companions?

Minsc (and Boo), from Baldur’s Gate; Leliana & Iron Bull, from the Dragon Age trilogy; Mordin from Mass Effect. Narrowing it down to just five is HARD.

10. How much do you love Halo 4? (I won’t accept any answer other than “it’s my favorite thing ever”)

It’s my favourite thing ever ... even though I have never played it. ;)

Right, my turn.

1. Where are you most comfortable?

2. What was the first Bioware game you played?

3. Are you fluent in any languages other than your first?

4. If there was one thing in the world you could do, without fear of consequences, what would it be?

5. What is the one thing you are most proud of achieving in your lifetime?

6. When I say “Mighty”, you say ... what?

7. What’s the one movie/book/game you go to when you’re having a bad day?

8. When relaxing, socks or bare feet?

9. If your house was on fire, what is the first thing you would take out of it?

10. Who is your favorite author (professional or fanfiction)?

Aaaand I’m going to tag ... @katnisshawke, @adventuresinastrangeworld, @havvk-e, @jayrose252, @owlpocalypse, @kagetsukai, @ma-sulevin, @solverne, and @puddle--wonderful! No pressure to do this, lovelies, just curious!

[babylon-bitch]

Start Writing Again ~ Just Friends (part 52)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she  friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika. 

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know. 

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: slight mention of depression and language

***

“I was holding her hand and I was talking to her, and she interrupted me by squeezing my hand, and she did it another three times.” I tell Michael.

“No way, really? Has she done it again since?” He asks in amazement.

“No, at least not yet, but it’s a huge improvement.” I say.

“Have you told anyone else?” He asks.

“You’re the first person that’s been here since then.” I explain.

“So how long ago was this?” He questions.

“Few hours ago.” I shrug.

“How lame could you of been for her to shut you up from a coma?” He snickers and I flip him off with a glare. “Seriously, what were you talking about?”

“Uhhh, I was apologizing and I was confessing that I still loved her.” I reveal.

“Geez, what kind of clichè book are you guys in?” He chuckles.

“I don’t know, but I’m kinda liking it.” I say with a small smile. “So why are you here at 6 in the morning?” I question.

“Couldn’t sleep, mind kept going to the worst case scenarios, but after hearing this great news it’s made feel slightly better. You did definitely feel it right, you didn’t imagine it.”

“I’m pretty sure, I mean, I was pretty tired, but I definitely felt it.” I nod.

“So are you guys gonna like, I don’t know, umm, get back together?” He asks.

“What why would we get back together?” I question in disbelief and confusion.

“You had a moment.” He giggles.

“No, she’s unconscious, she’s in a coma it was a very one sided ‘moment’, I highly doubt she wants to get back together with me when the last words I said to her were: Fine, whatever, I regret dating you anyway.” I say, those stupid damn words have been plastered in my mind ever since they left my mouth. “Anyway, She’s made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me, friend or more.” I bitterly shrug.

“Wait, you said that to her? They were the last words you said to her?” He asks.

“Uh, yeah.” I trail off, looking down.

“Luke, you fucking dick.” He sighs as he rubs his eyes. “Why the fuck would you say that to her?”

“I don’t know, it was a shitty coping mechanism. I was trying to make her hate me so this all wouldn’t hurt as much.” I confess.

“Luke, I think she already hates you for what you did to her.” Michael bluntly tells me.

“You think I don’t know that?” I raise my voice a bit.

“I’m sure that’s probably all you think about, but that doesn’t mean you can do that.” He matches my tone.

“Why?” I snap.

“Because you already hurt her enough to last a life time, but piling more hurt on top of that, for no real reason isn’t gonna help! So hurting her even more isn’t going to help anyone.” He shouts in frustration. “Harper was in love with you, so acting as if you hate her, isn’t gonna make her hate you, she can’t just go from love to hate.” He tunes his voice down.

“It would make it a lot easier.” I sigh.

“Look Luke, I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life, or how to deal with this, mainly because I don’t know how to, I’ve never experienced it, so I can cut you some slack. But please, don’t play this hate game, it’s just gonna make things way harder, for both of you. If you do carry on, your new relationship will be based on lies, because we all know you guys could never properly hate each other. Then all these feelings will be supressed, and then one day you’ll both burst and it will make a bigger mess.”

“I don’t know how you both are feeling right now, well, actually, I know you definitely still have feelings left for her, which understandable, you were in love with her for at least two years. You grew up together for God sakes, so it’s gonna be hard to let her go. I don’t know what type of relationship you guys want, whether it’s back together, friends, acquaintances, or absolutely nothing, but whatever it is, it’s gonna be hard. If you want to get back together, it’s going to be hard to move past all this. If you want to go to friends, it’ll be hard to get over each other and pretend nothing ever happened between you two, but personally I don’t think you can ever deny what goes on between you two. To be just acquaintances, it will probably be so awkward between you two, and everyone in the room. If you don’t want anything to do with each other, it will be so hard to let go of each other, and that means we have to deal with a sad and grumpy Luke for the next few years, which no one wants.”

“Whatever you do, you have to really think about it and choose wisely.”

“I don’t exactly know what I want.” I quietly say.

“Do you want her in your life?” Michael asks.

“I just want to be where we used to be, I don’t mind if we were dating or just friends.” I admit.

“I don’t think you’ll ever be able to be here you used to be, too much has happened between then and now. As much as you try to get there, you can’t. You can’t keep living in the past. You need to stop reading your most recent chapter, and start writing again. Whether it’s a painful and heart breaking one to read, you need that chapter to get to the next chapter, which hopefully is a reasonably happy one. You might come across a dilemma, and that dilemma is that you will feel that there’s always something missing, and that something is a very special person. Don’t get lost in the memories.”

“What if what I want, isn’t what she wants?” I painfully ask, my voice cracking slightly.

“Then that’s something you gotta deal with, you can’t force her to live happily ever after. She needs to nurse herself back to well, herself, before she can even think about relationships, or anything. She needs to focus on herself, and that could take years.”

“What about in the future, after she’s fine again?”

“I can’t look into the future Luke.” Michael chuckles. “I think you just need to see where this all goes. It’s all so unpredictable, but that’s the beauty of it. It’s a suprise, it might not be the suprise you are looking for, but that’s what makes your book interesting.”

“You need to focus on yourself too. You need to get into a position where it’s stable. You might not be happy but you can work on that after you get to a place where it’s stable. It’s the only thing you need right now; stability.”

“Thanks, Mike. This is the first time I’ve properly talked about her in a long time.” I give him an appreciated smile.

“Any time. But you do need to sort stuff out with her, I don’t want our friendship group to be torn apart because of you guys.” Michael says.

“I’ll try.” I nod.

“Okay, well, I gotta go before my mum gets worried about me, take care and update me if anything new happens to her.”

“Alright, bye.” I wave and make my way towards the chair next to Harper’s bedside, as Michael walks out the door.

I should probably text Sarah.

Pulling my phone out, I pull her contact up and begin my message.

Hey, Harper made some improvements earlier, she squeezed my hand twice. It’s not exactly life changing, but it’s something.

I send that and pocket my phone, before taking Harper’s hand in mine once again.

“So I just texted your mum, she will probably be coming soon if I know her at all.” I chuckle.

“You have to wake up, babe. Not just for me, but for everyone else. We all miss your sarcastic yet funny comments, and just your presence in general. Your mum has taken this really hard, which is totally understandable, this isn’t something to be taken lightly, but exceptionally hard. You are her only daughter, I guess, which is hard, even harder to know the reason why you’re here.” I sigh.

My phone buzzes, signalling I have a text and I pull my phone out, keeping Harper’s hand in mine.

The next reads:

That’s great news, how long ago did she do this?

A couple hours ago, I would’ve told you sooner, but Michael came up to the hospital.

It’s fine, dear. Has she done it again since?

No, nothing since unfortunately, but it’s something right?

Exactly. I’m gonna come up soon, Andrew might come, although I think he has work to go to.

Okay, drive safely x

Placing my phone on a tray and putting my attension back on Harper.

“Sorry, where was I?” I ask myself. “I don’t know but that doesn’t really matter. It shocks me that I couldn’t tell you were in that state, I’m more angry at myself than anything, for multiple reasons, first for saying those things to you, and for not noticing. I’ll always kick myself for that, no matter what anyone says. It’s my job to protect you, despite our relationship, I promised myself that. I’ll protect you as if I was your boyfriend and as your bestfriend, I don’t care what you say, I’ll always protect you. You might want to hit me, but I’ve got your best interests in mind. But what scares me is that I couldn’t save you this time, and I couldn’t save you from yourself.”

“Which I know you like to say ‘I don’t need saving’ because you’re a stubborn little shit, but it’s okay to go through rough patches and rely on others sometimes, you need those parts in life, you can’t be on a high all the time, you need the lows to make you human. You may have lower lows than people, you might have longer lows than people, or both, but you also might have higher highs, than people  and you might have longer highs than people, or a mixture of all, but these feelings are what makes you unique.”

“You also need people to go through these highs and lows, and I’m prepared to be at least one of them.”

I study her features and she looks exactly the same as she did when she was 16, she hasn’t really changed over the years, mentally, a lot, but physically she hasn’t changed much. Only her hair, which has changed colours and different lengths.

Her hair has actually grown a lot, it covers a part of her ear, which is quite a lot, considering their was barely anything there when she first came in. She still looks absoloutly gorgeous, and she always will in my eyes.

“Luke?”

I get disturbed from my daydream by Sarah, I didn’t know how much time had passed until she came.

“Oh, hey, how are you?” I ask with a smile.

“Alright thanks, you?” She nods

“Fine, thank you.” I say and stand up, stretching my limbs.

I tell her all about Harper and then I leave for a while to head home so I can get some breakfast, shower and put some clean clothes on. I update my mum and talk to her about things for a little bit, before I plan to meet up with Erika.

“Hello.” I wave as I open the door.

“Hey.” She nods and I pull her into a quick hug, both kissing each others cheek before we head to her car.

“How’s Harper?” Erika asks as we start to get going.

“Really good actually, she squeezed my hand a couple times last night.” I grin.

“No way! That’s great.” She grins back.

“Yeah, she totally cut me off.” I chuckle.

“Because you’re so boring.” She snickers.

“Who are you? Michael?”

“No, I’m not as cool as him.” She pouts. “Wait, don’t tell him I said that.”

“It depends on how nice you are to me.” I give her a look.

We continue to talk about all sorts of stuff, from Harper to sausage dogs – don’t ask. Walking the all too familiar route to Harper’s room, we open the door and find Ashton and Sarah in here.

“Hey, guys.” We both say.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

I sit in a chair on the opposite side of the room to Harper’s bed, and Erika sits next to Ashton.  

***

“So Luke, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Sarah interrupts my thoughts.

“What about?” I ask, rubbing my eyes.

“Harper.” She says.

“You know, I have to uh, go to the store.” I dismiss and begin to get up.

“Hold it.” She stops me.

“Fine.” I sigh and slump back in my chair.

I feel like I’m about to get told off by my mum for sneaking a cookie. She’s not even my mum, well, she’s my second mum.

“What’s there to talk about?” I question.

“I just want to talk you about Harper and your’s relationship.” She starts off.

“What relationship? We don’t have one.” I tell her.

“I know that you cheated on her, but there’s got to be a reason for it, you’re not the type to do that stuff.” She explains.

“There is no real reason, I didn’t do this intentionally, I didn’t go out one night and say I’m gonna go sleep with another girl tonight, that wasn’t the plan. I was so drunk it was like there was a different person controlling my mind.”

“I don’t really know what happened, I’m not trying to bring this up so I can open up your wounds again, that’s not my intentions, I just need to know what exactly happened.” She informs and I nod my head.

“Well, um, what do you know?”

“The day you were over at our house and you had that fight on the trampoline, she stayed in her room most of the evening, she came down for about an hour, so quiet, looking as if she could shatter at any moment, then me, Evie, and Angus, asked her, you know, what wrong and stuff, then she kinda freaked out on us, and shouted that you cheated on her, before running up the stairs crying, then slammed her door. We all just froze, and had dumbfounded looks on our faces, because that was the last thing we expected. None of us heard from her for the rest of the night, then around mid day she came down with a suitcase and said she’s going back to Sheffield.”

Fuck.

This makes me look like a fucking monster, well I am for destroying a fragile girl’s heart.

All this makes me feel even worse.

“Uh, sorry for ruining your night…” I trail off.

“Oh please, we couldn’t care about that.” She chuckles. “What’s happened since then? She’s hasn’t spoken to me much, let alone about you.”

“Well, uh, there were some pictures that leaked, we spoke on the phone, she got angry at me, quite rightly so, may I add. She told me to tell the fans, which I did. We didn’t talk for a long time after that, until she came home again, and we bumped into eachother two nights before the accident. That was really weird, we almost acted as if nothing had happened between us. I know what you’re thinking, no nothing happened between us, we just kinda talked a little but mainly just enjoyed each other’s company. Then we all bumped into Harper at the supermarket, we went to Calum’s and Harper and I had a little spat, I said something so stupid, then the next thing I know she’s here.” I tell her.

“What did you say?” She asks.

“I r-regret dating her.” I recite. “I obviously didn’t mean it, she was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m so greatful I actually got to experience my time with her, but unfortunately we didn’t work out, I guess we weren’t meant to be.” I shrug.

“I know you blame yourself for all this, but she did it herself, there might of been something to set her off, but you didn’t physically push her infront of the car. Andrew and I believe that she would’ve done it anyway, you might of just been the one to push her over the edge. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“It’s hard not to when the last thing you said to her is so spiteful. The view of her taking in my words and masking it over is imprinted in my mind, it’s like the words are written everywhere. I can’t go to bed without seeing all these horrific things, I have these dreams that I say all these awful things to her, and imagine what the night of the accident must of looked like, then I wake up shaking and absoloutly terrified.” I confess.

“Maybe you’re spending so much time thinking about her, that you’re not thinking about yourself.” Sarah gives me a knowing look

“She’s all I can think about. It doesn’t feel right to take my focus off her, I’m worried I’ll miss something or things like that. My mind always drifts off to her. It’ll always drift back to her.” I weakly say.

“Honey, your mind will be messed up for even longer if you keep negleting it. At this rate, you’ll take longer than Harper to nurture yourself back to health. I’m not forcing you to seek help or focus on yourself for a little while, I’m just advising it.” She sadly sighs.

‘I’ll keep it in mind.“ I nod. “Thanks for your help for the past couple weeks, Sarah, it’s been really hard, so thanks. Despite what part I play for her to be here.” I smile appreciatively.

“I’m just doing what any person would do. You are so special to her and you were a big part of her life for such a long time, it would be wrong for me/us to turn our backs on you. I know you didn’t intend any of this, and you weren’t in the right mindset when you made that choice. Plus, you’re like my own.”

[smmickeyd]

When I was a dense idiot

I invited you up for board games and chill. You were having a bad day and I remembered you liked board games with your fam so I thought it might help.

For whatever reason I always had ideas like this but rarely acted on them. I think I just liked you too much and was so worried about getting rejected that I never really tried. And that mixed with my strong feelings that made me think there was no way you didn’t know I was into you. But that’s obviously crazy since nobody’s a mind reader, and even signals don’t compare to “I want you” or making an actual move.

So there we were, me sitting on the edge facing you on my couch. Board games on my ottoman in between us, but we didn’t even play them. We chatted a little like I knew we would before getting out the games, but the chatting just kept rolling and it was a long time until I realized I’d pulled out Trouble but didn’t actually play. I had set it up and then you made no move to join me and play. I see now you wanted to keep talking. The move, the invite and premise of me reaching out directly saying I wanted to improve your day, not some bull crap excuse just to see you I think was a big factor when I looked back at it. It was pretty rare for everything else to fall away between us, but when it did like this, it was magic.

Back and forth, but nobody moved anywhere. I stayed glued to the edge of my bed while you melted into my couch. You’re strict about your bed time and you usually go to bed so early compared to me, and yet 10 pm rolled into 11 and beyond and you didn’t seem to care. I swear I don’t know how many more signs I needed.

You grabbed the blanket hanging over the couch, and when you wrapped yourself in it and laid down, I just wanted to lay next to you and stroke your hair. Edge of my bed.

You lifted your arm above your head to gently stretch out and your hand found my guitar. Absently pulling at the strings. I didn’t want to look at your hand because I knew if I did you’d notice and then think you were doing something wrong, and I liked you fiddling with it. Eventually though I let my guard down and I glance at you playing with it. Sure enough, you take your hand back and apologize. Damn.

Maybe it was for the better since it gave me the chance to reassure you that you weren’t ruining the guitar or anything. I grabbed it and starting picking a little. I’d never played for anyone besides my family, and certainly in not such high stakes and a romantic setting. But I also was so lost I didn’t even realize we’d created a romantic setting unintentionally.

Free Fallin’ - a classic I love to play followed by another favorite - What Hurts the Most. I like feels songs but I’m also self conscious of them too, that people won’t wanna hear sappy sad stuff. As I’m playing and singing, that I’ve definitely never done before in front of anyone, you change up from looking at me to lazily tracing my ceiling with your eyes as you lay back on the couch and listen. Writing this out, if I didn’t have a good memory I’d swear I was mistaken and that this didn’t happen. That I didn’t somehow let this night get away from us.

I gently rest and let the music fade. You turn your head. I’d played two songs and it’s a good thing I know them by heart because all I was thinking about was what you could be thinking. Whether you liked the playing, or you were just being polite. You tell me that What Hurts the Most is a favorite song of yours. Instantly I’m worried I didn’t play it well, that my rendition doesn’t do a favorite song of yours justice. Then you tell me it was really good, and all that whisked away with a couple words.

There’s a silence and I aimless pick some notes on the guitar. You interrupt,

“Do you think it’s awkward between us?”

And I stop. I can feel the moment come to a head. We’re straddling a line between paths. We’ve reached a crisis and with a single question, the moment is in my hands to guide. I only realize now that for you to have asked that, your mind must have been spinning. That doesn’t just come out in casual conversation.

I remember your words but not mine. I know I said something inconsequential, maybe even something downright stupid as “I don’t know...” I remember trying to make things seem okay by saying “I don’t feel like they’re awkward”. Lies. Things felt awkward because I was constantly torn between trying to act on feelings and also not. Maybe you were struggling with the same thing?

We talked a little bit about that and I think I asked if you thought they felt awkward. All I’ve ever wanted was to know what was on your mind. You’re so guarded and yet, in hindsight, I can see those walls tumbling down.

“I feel confused,” you say.

Those words still sound as clear as though you spoke then last night. They remain one of the few instances of something concrete amongst years of circumstantial evidence. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I asked why you felt confused, and that’s where I sort of lost you. You’re not introspective and I should have known that would spook you.

After giving me some phony beat around the bush answer about feeling confused, I get what you’re saying but I don’t have the courage to bring it out into the light. I say confused is okay and that it’s okay to try and experience something even if you’re not sure. You say it’s late. That you should get to bed. Once again I couldn’t believe it. I thought we’d finally made it, that everything might just flow out. After two years of overthinking, feeling reserved and constantly wanting to spend more time together but never confident enough to pick up the phone. I should have known it’s not over until it’s over. If I want something to change, I have to make it happen. The good ones don’t wait around forever. They won’t wait around night after night.

Not knowing how to get you to stay, and immediately letting go of the small shred of a chance I had because I don’t want to ever force myself on someone, I say alright. My foolish heart still hopeful you might say or try something in the final seconds before you get to the door. Alas, that’s not you. I walk you out and the door closes. I’m elated at such a glorious connection, but deflated because it felt like so much potential just went down the drain. That night never happened again, and we never talked about it again.

——— what should have happened ———

You say you’re confused and I say sometimes I feel the same way. That I have feelings for you but I can’t tell if you do too. You say what I think you’re thinking. That you like me but are unsure. That you don’t know what it would mean for our friendship. That you don’t know what people who work with us would say. That there’d be extra pressure now. I’ve put all that together from learning how you think, but I know that if I knew explicitly we shared the same feelings then I’d feel as comfortable all the time as I do right now in this room right now. All of the obstacles of life would finally have moved away from us knowing how we feel.

You’re not sure, and you probably still say it’s late. That you should go to bed. I say okay but I’ve laid my cards out now so I’m not gonna hold back anything. You get up from the couch and I get up from the bed. But instead of walking towards the door, I face you and take a small step closer.

You take a step closer and it’s unclear whether you’re stepping into me or just continuing to the door. But you look at me and pause. With such a small room we’re a step away.

I take it and reach out for your waist. I know that I can’t explain enough, I have to show you. You stay where you’re at but let me get close. You’re worried, I know. I have the courage to know that we can make it passed the barriers you’re thinking ahead to. Locking eye contact, I lean my head down closer to yours slowly.

I reach up and brush your hair around your ear. Tilting my head and closing my eyes, I bring my lips to yours. Supporting your neck with my hand, I keep it gentle but put some heat into it. You gently wrap your arms around me and kiss back.

You’re messy brain that goes into overdrive is finally slowed down. The kiss shows you what this is worth. It says the words I’ve failed to bring up. It shows me the true feelings I’ve suspected but never had the honesty nor heart to believe would be there. My heart beats a little faster as I gently pull away. I tell you that it’s late. That you should get to bed. But that I’d like to see you tomorrow night. You say that sounds good, and we leave it at that. Nothing more needs to be said. My instinct to flesh everything out is pleasantly subdued by the lingering taste of your lips on mine. By then I’m sure both of our gears will have spun up into overdrive, but I’ll kiss you again to reassure us why we’re here.

That’s how things could have been different. I need to keep getting better at feeling confident and not letting moments slide by. I have but there’s lots of room for improvement. They don’t keep coming forever. Opportunity is less about the opportunity you’re given and more about what you do with it. Go like hell. I’ll need to remember to swing hard in case I hit it, I have no idea when my pitch is coming. Sometimes it’s a random board game night that seemingly had no potential for being the moment of a lifetime.

[deeply-obsessed]

Intimidated By Prince Charming; 2Seok

"We need sleep," Hoseok groaned out as he stretched across Yoongi's living room couch. "We've been working on this project for hours! You haven't even fed me! This is abuse!"

Yoongi sniffed, closed his laptop and pushed the coffee table away from him, stretching out his legs and leaning against the couch currently occupied by the whining college man.

"The kitchen is right behind us," Yoongi reminded as he slapped away Hoseok's limp hand that hung next to his head. "You could have easily fed yourself. You're a grown man, for fucks sake, you don't need me."

Hoseok grunted and wiggled around in a weak fit, his arm slapping Yoongi's head which earned him a harsh pinch of annoyance to his side from the older man.

"I'm going to take a quick power nap. Don't you dare leave this house or I'll hunt you down," Yoongi threatened as he slowly stood up.

"What makes you think I'll just abandon you? I'm genuinely offended, Min Yoongi."

"Last time we had that four page essay on animals close to extinction, you showed up, typed out a paragraph and left to visit your family for a week," Yoongi reminded with a yawn as he stood. "And your part wasn't even that good. I'm sure an elementary student could have done better than the shit excuse you left behind."

Hoseok buried his face in the couch cushion. "Are you ever gonna let that go?" he murmured, words muffled because of the cushion but somehow Yoongi understood perfectly.

"Not a chance, buddy," Yoongi called gruffly as he walked towards the hallway across from them.

When he finally disappeared into his room, Hoseok let himself fall asleep on the couch too. Might as well take advantage of the sleep he knows he won't get when he goes back to his own dorm.

His roommate was too rowdy.

°•°•°•°•°

Hoseok was woken up by the front door slamming shut, a groan of annoyance escaping his mouth at the loud noise that echoed in the rather quiet apartment.

"Can you be quiet Yoongi?" he asked half asleep, thinking his best friend just got back from a disappointing trip to Starbucks. Not getting his coffee is pretty much the only time he gets aggressive. At least, that's the only time Hoseok's ever seen his friend snap.

"Um." Hoseok frowned at the voice that definitely did not belong to Yoongi. "Who are you?"

He sat up in an instant, panic settling in at the unfamiliar voice calling him out.

"Holy shit are you Yoongi-hyungs roommate?" Hoseok asked in realization, rolling off the couch, landing on all fours, standing up clumsily, and shuffling a bit so that he was standing next to the couch with it as a barrier between him and the unknown person.

Hoseok knew of him. Yoongi has mentioned him in conversations every once in a while, but Hoseok never really met him, nor did he know his physical features. So it was kind of a huge shock when was met with an intimidatingly beautiful man staring at him, large, innocent looking doe eyes holding a hint of amusement, and Hoseok froze at the adorable smile that puffed the guys cheeks. He was fucking adorable and handsome at the same time. How is he even real?

"I am indeed Yoongi's roommate," the certainly older male confirmed. "And I'm guessing you're his friend?"

Hoseok nodded, picked his stuff up off the coffee table and shoved it into his half open backpack. It was as difficult as it sounded, and probably worse since Hoseok wasn't in his right mind. Not when there was a handsome guy staring into his soul with those soft round eyes.

"Can you tell Yoongi that something came up and that I had to leave?" Hoseok asked as he hurriedly slipped on his shoes. "Okay, thanks. See you later Mr. Roommate."

He missed the twinkle in Seokjin's eye as he stared after Hoseok's clumsy form.

°•°•°•°•°

"Ow what the-"

"You left before I woke up, you fucking jerk," Yoongi interrupted before Hoseok could even finish his protest of pain.

Yoongi stood standing and stared at Hoseok with furrowed eyebrows as if debating something, then he hit him on the back of the head again.

"What the fuck, asshole," Yoongi finished off as he sat down on the chair next to Hoseok.

Hoseok whined and rubbed at his head, sinking in his seat in an attempt to get away from Yoongi, although it hardly worked.

"Your roommate was home and you were asleep so I left," Hoseok explained but his excuse only made Yoongi scoff.

"You could have still waited for me to wake up. Seokjin was only home at the time to make me food. He usually has his weekday afternoons packed and isn't back until night."

Hoseok pouted and looked down at his opened notebook with chicken scratch scribbled everywhere on the pages. He mumbled something too low for Yoongi to understand.

"What?" The older man leaned in closer in an attempt to hear better.

Hoseok repeated himself but Yoongi still couldn't decipher his quiet string of words.

"What the hell are you trying to-"

"His charming everything intimidated me so I left!" Hoseok snapped.

Yoongi blinked. Then he started laughing so hard his eyes scrunched closed, his hands gripped onto the edge of the desk and he leaned back against the chair. Hoseok swore it looked like Yoongi would fall if he moved even the slightest bit back.

"Did you really leave early because of Seokjin's charming aura?" Yoongi asked after he calmed down. "Dude, you're not a teenage girl with a crush. You could have dealt with that better."

Hoseok sighed. "It wasn't just his aura. His everything scared me. He looked as if the gods carved him themselves and left him here. That's too much for me. Too much handsomeness isn't healthy for my poor soul."

Yoongi laughed again, this time Hoseok was sure Yoongi was tearing up. "He's the exact opposite from charming, and I'm definitely sure he wasn't hand crafted by the gods. I mean yeah he's handsome and all, but his personality needs some serious fixing. The gods definitely wouldn't mess up something so important."

"Take me seriously Yoongi! Your roommate turns me into a sappy tween! I can't be in the same room as him or I'll explode!"

"More like bust a nut," Yoongi snorted and Hoseok gasped.

"Hyung!" Hoseok screeched in embarrassment.

Yoongi couldn't control his breathing from laughing too hard but he eventually calmed down and put his hand on Hoseok's shoulder as a sign of comfort.

"Okay, okay, I'll try to kick him out of the house if you come over," he said and Hoseok sighed in relief.

°•°•°•°•°

"Why have I never met him? Throughout our friendship, I only ever heard his name."

"Because you're a sucker for pretty things. I knew you'd freak if you ever saw him."

"Oh."

°•°•°•°•°

"Why?"

Yoongi's lips tightened into a straight line as he stared at his roommate who didn't seem like he wanted to cooperate with him at the moment. Yeah, he definitely needed some personality fixing if he acted like such a brat despite being the older one of the two.

"You intimidate him. You make him nervous. You scare him with your charming prince visuals. He can't be around you. Need me to dumb it down for you?"

Seokjin's once peaceful and amused expression dulled into one of agitation and Yoongi wondered how much more he could talk down to the elder before he got smacked, or worst, got locked out of their apartment.

It's happened before. When Yoongi was feeling brave and told Seokjin that he his acting sucked because it was too bland and emotionless. It turned out to be great advice because Seokjin's acting improved, but Yoongi still had to suffer by sleeping in Hoseok's dorm for four days and three nights.

"I'd appreciate it if you tone it down, Yoongi," the oldest warned.

Yeah, Yoongi wasn't gonna risk anything. "Sorry hyung."

He loves Hoseok, but he hates the fact that the boy and his roommate, Taehyung, stay up until the ass crack of dawn to play video games with the volume loud enough for the whole complex to complain about. He was not going through that again, not if he can avoid it.

"Great," Seokjin said with his closed mouth smile. "Now mind explaining why you want me to leave for the whole afternoon tomorrow? On a weekend . Which is the only time I get to stay home and relax."

Yoongi sat down at the edge of Seokjin's bed right by his feet. "Well, Hoseok's roommate got a boyfriend recently, and they hang out at a lot at Hoseok's dorm and they have a way of distracting us when we're trying to get our homework done, so this is the only place we can work in peace," the younger explained.

"Why not go to the public library?" Seokjin asked with a knowing glint in his eyes.

Yoongi coughed and shrugged carelessly, trying to avoid the path in which Seokjin was trying to corner him to. "The wifi sucks there."

Seokjin let out a disappointing sigh but he nodded. "I guess I'll have to find someone willing to let me leech off their home."

Yoongi grinned in satisfaction, his gums and all it's pride radiating in the room. "Thanks for understanding, hyung."

°•°•°•°•°

"I can't believe you made me kick out my roommate," Yoongi said almost sounding disappointed but his smile contradicted with his words. He didn't look sorry at all.

He and Hoseok entered the apartment and made themselves comfortable in the same place they had been working on homework two days prior.

"It was the only way," Hoseok sighed sounding sad as he pat Yoongi's back comfortingly. "Thanks fort he sacrifice, hyung. I appreciate it."

"Whatever," Yoongi said. "Get our stuff out while I get us some snacks. We'll be here a while."

Hoseok lazily complied and got out both of his and Yoongi's rough drafts and information scribbled across their notebooks in a green color pencil because neither had a pencil or a pen and they sneakily snatched the color from Hoseok's fellow dance classmate.

At the memory, Hoseok took out his phone.

To: Jungkookie

hey I have your green color pencil

Almost immediately Hoseok got a reply.

From: Jungkookie

So that's where that went

Just give it tomorrow it's my art teacher's and those color pencils are hella expensive there's no way I'm paying for losing one

Hoseok snorted in disbelief.

To: Jungkookie

what kind of teacher makes their students pay for the shit they lose?

From: Jungkookie

Asshole ones who pay for the supplies

Hoseok hummed understandingly.

"Who are you texting?"

Hoseok cursed, his phone slipping out of his hands as he looked up in a panic and saw Seokjin standing in front of him in his intimidatingly handsome glory that made Hoseok dizzy and confused and flush red in the face.

"God dammit Seokjin, I thought you said you were leaving," Yoongi complained walking out of the kitchen with two water bottles and a bag of chips.

"I was on my way out and thought it was rude not to say hi to our guest," Seokjin explained innocently. "Did your mother not teach you any manners Yoongi?"

Yoongi rolled his eyes and sat down on the floor next to Hoseok, leaning against the couch that rested against the wall that separated the kitchen and the living room.

"Hyung, Hoseok is a mess because of you. Can you please leave?"

It was Seokjin's turn to roll his eyes but he nodded. His eyes landed on Hoseok and that made the younger whine unconsciously.

Seokjin extended his hand out and Hoseok tentatively shook it, loving the soft hands but firm squeeze Seokjin gave.

"I hope we can be friends Hoseok." And with that he left and Hoseok could finally breathe again.

"I can't believe you whined like a fucking dog," Yoongi cackled and Hoseok knew his embarrassment wasn't over.

°•°•°•°•°

"Hoseok!"

He turned at the sound of his name and spotted Jimin at the door to the dance studio waving rapidly at him.

He groaned but didn't attempt to run away, even if that's what he wanted to do so badly. Instead, he kept stretching in his spot and Jimin walked over. It's not like he could avoid the boy, not when he's dating his roommate and practically lives in their dorm. And they're in the same dance class. There's no way of escaping that.

He just had to pull through and Hoseok believes in himself enough to actually survive the conversation he was about to have.

"Did you need something Jimin?" Hoseok asked sarcastically.

"Please have dinner with Taehyung and I after practice?" Jimin pleaded. "It's important."

"I can't. You know I'm working on a project with Yoongi," Hoseok reminded.

"But you've been ignoring us these last few days and we're getting lonely. If you want, we'll eat at Yoongi's place and then leave afterwards so that you can work on your project!" Jimin bargained, his typical eye smile on display and Hoseok looked away because his positive energy was too much sometimes, and now was one of those times.

Hoseok eventually gave into his dongsaeng since he didn't see a flaw in the plan. "Ask Yoongi if you can come over," he said. "I don't know if he'd want you to just take over his house out of the blue."

Jimin nodded enthusiastically and took his phone out of his pocket. "I'll send Tae and Yoongi a call, just give me a few minutes."

Hoseok waved him off. "Just make sure not to miss practice."

°•°•°•°•°

"Did he agree?"

"Yeah, but why can't I tell him we're eating dinner with Seokjin-hyung?"

"Hyung's orders."

°•°•°•°•°

"Why the hell did you agree to dinner with them?!" Hoseok hissed after pulling Yoongi out into the living room, leaving Jimin and Taehyung unpacking the take out food on the kitchen island.

"I didn't!" Yoongi answered with just as much fire in his tone. "They didn't contact me at all today, I'm just as confused as you are."

Hoseok frowned. "But I saw Jimin call you?"

"Well he called someone else because I've been asleep almost the whole day. It's how I spend my days off, you know that."

"Then they weren't invited so why the hell are they here," Hoseok groaned, more than annoyed that he got tricked by the people he least expected.

"Actually, I invited them."

Hoseok and Yoongi turned to the left and had completely different reactions to the beauty that is Kim Seokjin standing in the hallway.

"What do you mean you invited them?" Yoongi asked with narrowed eyes.

Seokjin walked forwards and kneeled on the sofa's cushions, using the back rest to rest his arms, his weight now supported as he leaned forwards.

"Don't tell me you didn't know I was related to Taehyung, Yoongi," Seokjin teased and Yoongi's once annoyed face dropped into one of confusion. "Wow, and I expected better from my best friend slash roommate." Seokjin clicked his tongue and shook his head faking shame. "I'm disappointed."

"You're Tae's older brother," Hoseok squeaked out and Seokjin smiled endearingly at the noise. Hoseok cleared his throat.

"Explain hyung," Yoongi interrupted, not giving Hoseok a chance to repeat himself.

"I didn't know Taehyung had a boyfriend until you told me," Seokjin started, his palm now holding his head up. "So I gave Taehyungie a call and we arranged a dinner so that we could meet and here we are. I hope you don't mind? I know they're good friends with you two so I thought it wouldn't bother you." His gaze landed on the youngest in the room, completely ignoring Yoongi's existence.

Hoseok felt his face going crimson red at the attention he was getting from Seokjin. All he could do was look down at his feet and pray Yoongi took care of the situation before Seokjin burned a whole in his face with all the intense staring.

"Fine. Whatever. Let's eat. The sooner you guys leave, the soon we get our project done."

Seokjin pouted way too cutely and Hoseok felt like he was gonna have a heart attack if he stayed in the same room with Seokjin any longer.

"You don't have to be so mean, Yoongi."

And Hoseok was dead. He didn't know if it was from the second hand embarrassment he felt when he heard Seokjin's fail attempt at aegyo or if it was because it awkwardly suited him that had Hoseok's lips trembling and hands shaking and heart a melted mess of emotions.

"Snap out of it, idiot," Yoongi quietly hissed at Hoseok as he turned to walk back into the kitchen.

Hoseok shook his head a bit, slapped his cheeks and recollected himself as much as he could. When he looked up, he saw Seokjin in the same position on the couch, chin still rested on his palm, and pretty lips turned up into a smirk as his eyes trailed Hoseok's body.

Hoseok bolted into the kitchen once they made eye contact and he swore he heard a very unattractive yet addicting laugh that resembled that sound of washing windows.

°•°•°•°•°

The dinner lasted an hour and a half, but it didn't go quite as planned. Instead of leaving after the food was gone, just like Jimin promised to do, they stayed back to watch some movies since Seokjin recommended it. Yoongi protested against it, obviously, but the vote was three against one with Hoseok off to the side receiving glares from Yoongi for not voting at all.

And since neither Yoongi nor Seokjin had televisions in their rooms, they had to stay in the living room to watch it. Together.

Yoongi and Hoseok could have gone to Yoongi's room to work on the project but Taehyung and Jimin sandwiched Hoseok on the couch and didn't let go. Since Yoongi wasn't fond on doing the project by himself, he moved the wheel chair that belonged to the desk pressed up against the wall in the corner of the room so that it was next to Seokjin's side of the couch.

After the movie ended a little over an hour later, they still had no plans on leaving.

Taehyung, being a main actor in the drama department, decided to practice his lines for an upcoming play. His brother and boyfriend were the only ones that paid attention to him, the other two opting on messaging each other since they were on opposite ends.

To: Yoongi

can we escape now I really don't wanna be here

From: Yoongi

Sorry

Hyung won't let me leave

Said I needed to be here since it's been a while since we hung out together

Hoseok frowned as he read and reread the messages a few times.

When he looked over to Yoongi, Seokjin was leaning over the arm rest to whisper something into Yoongi's ear and his frown deepened when Yoongi's gummy smile practically blinded him.

He wasn't laughing, no, it took a professional comedian to do that kind of miracle, and yeah Yoongi smiled a lot, much more than what people gave him credit for, but not that type of smile.

His usual smile was close mouthed and quite, his eyes smooth and body limp. The one the Seokjin earned though was his rare gummy smile that made his eyes wrinkle and he could see Yoongi's hands unconsciously grip at Seokjin's sweater sleeve and something was now bubbling inside Hoseok's stomach.

To: Yoongi

why are you laughing

I wanna be in on the joke

He looked back at Yoongi and felt content and relaxed when Yoongi's hand left Seokjin's sleeve in order to unlock his phone.

The small smirk on Yoongi's face didn't sit right with Hoseok.

From: Yoongi

Shh

It's a secret

Hoseok pursed his lips and shoved his phone in his back pocket, now paying attention to Taehyung who was spitting out line after line as he was playing both roles involved in the scene.

°•°•°•°•°

"Just admit it," Yoongi said nearly another hour later once they were alone in the living room, their work spread out around the coffee table.

Seokjin had finally decided to leave them to their work and took Taehyung and Jimin out for dessert at an ice cream shop just a block away from the apartment.

"Admit what," Hoseok grumbled. Yoongi grinned at the childish tantrum Hoseok seemed to be unconsciously living but the latter had no intention of looking at Yoongi's face for the next few hours...or days. However long it took for his jealousy to subside.

"You like Seokjin-hyung," the oldest of the two pointed out. "Come on, it was so damn obvious that your mood turned to shit after you saw us. Just admit it and ask what you want to ask."

Hoseok pursed his lips. "I don't have a crush on him."

"You do."

"I don't."

Yoongi didn't respond and soon Hoseok felt Yoongi grab him by the ear and force him to make eye contact that Hoseok was desperately trying to avoid.

"You know Seokjin's a god right? He has so many guys and girls after him and the asshole isn't afraid to indulge them in their flirty ways." Hoseok's eyes widened in slight fear at the information. "The sooner you talk to him and confess, the sooner you know if he's interested or not. So get your head out of the gutter and start talking him up."

Hoseok nodded, now a fidgeting mess as he sat up straight. "Okay." He breathed shakily, gulped, tried to clear his mind. "Okay I'll...I'll get my head out of the gutter."

They went to work peacefully for ten minutes until Hoseok's voice was heard again, quieter.

"What did he tell you?"

Yoongi let out a breathy chuckle. "He was making fun of Taehyung because he mispronounced many words."

Hoseok smiled slightly and let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't worry man." Yoongi slapped Hoseok on the back in a comforting manner. "He's all yours."

The silence was back and it was now comfortable, and Hoseok felt better knowing his best friend wasn't going behind his back and hitting on his crush. Although Yoongi did know Seokjin more, but it didn't matter. Hoseok called dibs...mentally.

"Besides I like someone else."

And his once calm mindset was ruined because his best friend, the guy that constantly complains that having a partner sucks because of the responsibility that comes with them, just confessed to liking someone.

"What?"

°•°•°•°•°

"Oh my god, leave me alone already," Yoongi complained, nearly whined, when Hoseok took a seat next to him in the public library.

It was late morning, their first class of the day just ended and usually Hoseok would meet up with Taehyung to eat a quick brunch before they had to leave for their second class, but of course Hoseok cancelled on him (his phone is bombarded with angered messages and many, many missed phone calls belonging to none other than his roommate) just so he could follow Yoongi out of class. He was very much surprised when Yoongi walked into the library.

It was weird. Yoongi didn't like the library. Said it was too full of people and the wifi sucked and he was generally a person who liked his space. He couldn't get that when he was in a library, the one place that more often than not got overcrowded due to the overpouring end of the semester assignments.

He was starting to think Yoongi was a hypocrite.

"I never spend time with my lovely best friend!" Hoseok exclaimed dramatically. "All we do now is meet up and work on our project but we don't hang out. I just want to spend time with you."

Yoongi hummed as he typed out something before turning his phone off and finally looking up, eyes flickering all over the faces of those within sight. "That's nice," he muttered distractedly. "Now leave."

Hoseok scoffed. "And pass up on the opportunity to see the guy you're crushing on? No way."

Yoongi's gaze darted to him in an instant and Hoseok felt small under his glare, but now he had proof that Yoongi was indeed meeting with the guy that somehow captured Yoongi's attention.

"I'm not letting you meet him," Yoongi said with a tone harsh enough to scare away others from prodding into his business, but Hoseok wasn't just any other person. He wasn't giving into submission, no matter how much he gets threatened.

Hoseok pouted. "Why not!" he whined childishly and it made Yoongi roll his eyes, a familiar scowl showing his obvious annoyance.

"Because you'll scare him off, that's why!" he hissed.

Hoseok slumped against his seat. "Then I guess I'll be hiding in the bookshelves creeping on you."

Yoongi was already back to searching. And he looked like he found the person he was looking for because his eyes softened for a spit second, but then they were back on Hoseok, a new kind of determination that Hoseok hasn't seen on him ever since that one time the eldest dragged him everywhere in Seoul in search of some new Kumamom merch Hoseok never bothered to remember.

"No you're not." Yoongi stood abruptly and Hoseok's gazed followed his actions. When the older turned to face Hoseok completely, he breathed in deeply, then let it out in a fast manner.

"I'm sorry," was all he said as he slipped on his backpack and before he even knew what was happening, Hoseok felt hands on his chest and then he was on the floor and in pain.

"What the fuck Yoongi!" he yelled in anger, not paying attention to the countless college students giving him weird stares because he was wiggling around as if it would help him cope with the pain. Eventually,he was able to sit up but Yoongi was nowhere to be seen.

Hoseok let himself fall back on the floor in defeat. "I'm gonna see who it is, Yoongi, so you better be fucking prepared."

"Hoseok? What are you doing on the floor?" a familiar voice asked sounding amused.

Hoseok's eye shot open and there he was, Kim Seokjin hovering over him with a beautiful smile on his beautiful face and his beautifully doe shaped eyes surrounded by beautiful wrinkles.

°•°•°•°•°

To: Yoongi

I'm gonna fucking end you

From: Yoongi

I'd like to see you try, weak bitch

°•°•°•°•°

"Are you busy right now?" Seokjin asked as they walked out the crowded library and into the fresh air of the building's hallway.

"I was with Yoongi but the asshole pushed me and ran. Something about not wanting me to meet his crush," Hoseok grumbled moodily, stuffing his phone into his back pocket aggressively.

"Wow, sounds like deja vu."

Hoseok's attention was suddenly on Seokjin, and although he blushed once their eyes met, he didn't look away for the first time. He gave himself a pat on the back for bravely holding eye contact. "Explain please?"

Seokjin grinned. "He's been keeping his crush hidden from me too. Once, I followed him when I knew they were gonna meet, Yoongi caught me, apologized, shoved me in a water fountain and ran like I've never seen him run before."

Hoseok couldn't help but laugh at that and Seokjin beamed at the sound. Hoseok cleared his throat and looked down at his feet shyly.

"So Hoseokie, wanna go get some brunch before your class starts?"

"How do you know I have a class?"

"You have the same schedule as Yoongi," Seokjin shrugged casually. "I know that because he's always complaining about you leeching off of him on partnered projects."

Hoseok made a mental note to definitely kick Yoongi's ass later.

"So, Subway?" he asked instead. He could worry about his traitor of a friend some other time.

"Of course," Seokjin said with a small smile and Hoseok shyly smiled back at being put under the spotlight that was Jin's attention.

°•°•°•°•°

He waited patiently, hiding under the black covers that had Yoongi's scent all over it. He kept himself frozen when he heard the front door open and close.

He knew it wasn't Seokjin. The older man had told him himself that he was gonna be home until later that night due to school activities.

Apart from the people who lived in the apartment, only Hoseok knew where the extra key was hidden (Taehyung had an extra key, Hoseok had noticed when he saw the boys key chain with a familiar key that resembled Yoongi's home key) and Taehyung had texted him half an hour ago saying he was going to spend the night at Jimin's so there's no way he was the one entering.

That left Yoongi as the one who arrived and Hoseok was ready to attack with all his might.

It took a few minutes before the bedroom door opened, and he heard Yoongi's groan of exhaustion. Then a pause.

"Where the fuck did that lump come from?"

Hoseok took it as his chance and he jumped out screaming like a madman and Yoongi followed along out of pure fright.

Hoseok hugged him and let his body fall back on the bed, immediately rolling over so that he was straddling Yoongi and he began his restless flicks to Yoongi's forehead .

"It hurt, you fucker!" Hoseok shouted. "When you shoved me to the floor! It hurt me not only physically but emotionally too!"

"Don't be so dramatic and let me go!" Yoongi fired back, weakly attempting to slap away Hoseok's hand. He knew he shouldn't have rejected Seokjin's invitation to the gym all those months ago.

"I'm a drama queen! Being dramatic is what I do!"

"I helped you score a date didn't I?! Why are you so mad!"

Hoseok froze at the mention and they stared at each other in silence.

"What?" Hoseok breathed.

"Hyung texted me saying you two went to Subway," Yoongi revealed and Hoseok, being the guy he is, blushed at the perfect memory.

"How did you manage that by the way? I assumed you'd run away as soon as you saw him," Yoongi teased and just like that Hoseok was brought out of his memory haze.

"You say that as if you knew he'd show up," he accused, eyes narrowing as he tried to look Yoongi in the eye but the guy just kept avoiding eye contact.

"I saw you following me so I send him a text to show up," Yoongi admitted. "I know your reactions so I didn't have to worry about you leaving before he arrived."

Hoseok flicked his forehead three times, the hit sounding loud in the quiet room.

"Why would you confess so easily!" Hoseok exclaimed.

"I thought that was what you wanted!" defended Yoongi.

"I wanted you to suffer my flicks a bit more," Hoseok fired back in a whiny tone. "I can't do that if you confessed to your sins. It'll make me feel guilty if I continue!"

"God dammit, get off me Hoseok and let's talk about this."

Hoseok hesitantly complied and so they sat on the bed with their legs crossed and facing each other.

"What happened on your date?" Yoongi asked before Hoseok could do any interrogation of his own.

"We talked," the latter answered and Yoongi looked like he didn't believe him.

"You contributed to the conversation ?" he asked.

"Well...no."

"Then you didn't talk," he pointed out.

"I was too distracted by him," Hoseok admitted.

Yoongi snorted. "Of course you were."

The eldest in the room took off his shirt and struggled a bit to slide of his tight jeans but eventually he succeeded and slipped under the covers, Hoseok following his lead. They ended up laying side by side under the warm covers, one half naked and the other shirtless and in a pair of Yoongi's sweats.

"Thanks for keeping my bed warm," Yoongi muttered just as he was falling asleep.

"No problem."

°•°•°•°•°

"You missed class today. Does that mean you went out on a date too?"

"Stop talking or I'll kick you out."

°•°•°•°•°  

"Your friend is cute," Seokjin mentioned the next morning during breakfast while he was stirring the ramyeon.

Yoongi shrugged disinterestedly. "We all have our preferences," he answered, mouth stuffed full with the rice left over from dinner the night before.

Seokjin hummed and Yoongi felt it, having his back pressed against Seokjin's since he was standing as far away as he could get from the stove and loser to Yoongi. It bugged Yoongi a lot when he did that since there wasn't much space in the first place but he couldn't do anything about it since it was Seokjin's precaution measures. "Is he single?"

"Aren't you shameless," Yoongi muttered. He swallowed the food in his mouth. "He's interested in someone," he reveals.

"Is it me?" Seokjin asked, and although he couldn't see it, his younger roommate saw the knowing glint in his eyes that made him roll his eyes.

"Aren't you a being a little too full of yourself?" Yoongi inquired. "Seriously, work on that personality of yours or you'll drive away all potential love interests with your narcissistic ways."

Seokjin gasped in mock offense and he turned around to smack Yoongi's back with his palm. "Aren't you suppose to respect me! Why are you dissing me!"

Yoongi sighed dramatically, standing up and moving so that he was now on the other side of the island, across from Seokjin (with the table as a barrier between them, thankfully) who continued stirring the ramyeon he was cooking on the stove.

"But seriously, why do you think it's you Hoseok is interested in?" Yoongi asked.

"Well, he can't look me in the eyes without turning into a tomato," Seokjin pointed out.

"He's a shy person that gets embarrassed when any sort of attention is focused on him, you're not that special."

Seokjin send him an annoyed glare and Yoongi just drank his soda innocently, avoiding Seokjin's eyes.

"And he stares at me a lot," Seokjin continued.

"That's nothing new. You're handsome, staring is normal."

Seokjin emptied the fully cooked ramyeon in two plates and placed them in the middle of the island, dumping the dirtied pot in the sink before sitting down on the spot Yoongi abandoned minutes before.

"I'm positive he's interested in me," Seokjin said and Yoongi shrugged as he pushed away his emptied plate.

"I'm just saying your proof isn't all that trustworthy."

He reached for the other bowl of ramyeon but Seokjin slapped his hand away and Yoongi frowned at him.

"Only supportive friends will eat from my ramyeon."

"He likes you but he's an idiot that feels intimidated by your prince charming vibe and he doesn't know how to act around you," Yoongi ratted out and Seokjin smiled triumphantly, sliding the bowl to Yoongi who began to eat happily.

"It's nice to confirm my suspicions through Hoseok's friend," Seokjin sighed contently. "I hope you're happy for selling out his feelings all for ramyeon."

"He can deal with it."

°•°•°•°•°

"Hey, Hoseok!"

It was almost like deja vu the way Hoseok turned to the entrance of the dance room, except it wasn't Jimin who called him since the boy skipped practice in order to hang with Taehyung, instead it was Seokjin waving Hoseok over.

He felt his face get hot at the cheeky smile on Seokjin's face and he hated himself for acting like such a tween for his crush. It was so frustrating.

"You need something hyung?" Hoseok asked breathlessly, and he blamed it on the tiring stretching choreography he had been doing before he was interrupted. Even if that choreography had ended almost ten minutes back, but who else was to blame?

Seokjin's enthusiastic nod had Hoseok swoon at how adorably soft he looked. Like a child getting what he wants.

"I have this coupon for free ice cream but Yoongi rejected my offer to go with me," he pouted and Hoseok's eyes stared at his puffy lips jutting out so invitingly. "So I was wondering if you wanted to come with and keep me company!"

Hoseok smiled nervously. "Of course Seokjin-hyung. No problem. When do we go?"

Seokjin made a thinking face. "How about tomorrow? Text me okay?"

The dancer nodded dumbly. "Okay. Yeah, sure. I will, I'll uh, I'll text you."

Seokjin waved as he left, beautiful smile present and Hoseok found himself staring after him with the biggest and probably most stupid looking smile on his face.

Then he remembered. "You don't have his number you idiot!"

°•°•°•°•°

Hoseok squirmed on the couch, looking everywhere but at his smug best friend sitting on the rolling chair right in front of him, biggest (and worrisome) gummy smile on his face.

"So let me get this straight." Yoongi straightened in his seat, crossed one leg over the other and linked his hands together, letting them rest on his stomach as he let himself relax into the chair. "You came her for hyung. Not to finish the project that's due in like three days. Correct?"

Hoseok nodded. "I wasn't expecting you to be here so that's why I came to pick him up."

"Why wouldn't I be here?" Yoongi questioned. "I have nowhere to go."

"It's a Saturday," Hoseok reminded. "You usually go out on Saturdays, remember? You're always leaving me for some reason. Sometimes I don't even get a simple morning text."

Yoongi rolled his eyes. "It's barely one in the afternoon, I only leave after six."

Hoseok pouted. "Whatever, I'm stealing your roommate. He knows how to appreciate me better than you."

"Okay," Yoongi grinned and at that moment, Seokjin walked into the living room where they were waiting.

"Shall we get going?" he asked and Hoseok immediately stood up.

"Have fun with your crush today Yoongi!" Seokjin teased as they walked out and Hoseok's eyes widened.

He was meeting with his crush. This was his chance. Hoseok stared at Seokjin who held on tightly to his had and Hoseok thought about it. Was Seokjin as curious as he was or did he know who Yoongi's crush was and just kept it from him?

He knew he was going to regret what he was about to do, but he can deal with the consequences later.

"Hey Seokjin?"

°•°•°•°•°

"I didn't think of you as the type to do this type of thing," Seokjin said with a smirk, eating from his free ice cream that was only possible due to the coupon he had.

Hoseok smiled sheepishly, staring down at his phone and keeping a close eye on Yoongi's Bitmoji on the Snapchat map. He knew it was a good idea to activate it without Yoongi's permission.

"Is he on the move?" Seokjin asked and Hoseok shook his head. He finally looked up and took a spoonful of his own ice cream.

"So, are you going to explain why you're making our date all about exposing Yoongi?"

Hoseok choked and Seokjin was quick to give him the water bottle he had in his backpack.

"Date?" Hoseok squeaked, throat still hurting and eyes now teary as he wiped his mouth with a napkin Seokjin handed him. "I thought I was just keeping you company?"

"Well, I like you and you like me so it's a date in my eyes," Seokjin explained.

"How'd you know I like you?!" Hoseok was quick to ask.

He took another sip from the water bottle (it was hard to not think about the indirect kiss he probably just had with Jin) in order to try and soothe his aching throat.

"Aside the obvious signs, Yoongi told me."

Hoseok was back to choking and Seokjin sighed as he put a bunch of napkins over the puddle of water in the middle of the table.

"You know, I was starting to feel guilty about spying on him and his crush but now I know I'll have no regrets," Hoseok said as he wiped his mouth.

He looked down at his phone and saw Yoongi's Bitmoji change locations and he quickly stood up and threw away all the used napkins. "His location changed," Hoseok explained to a confused Seokjin and the oldest smirked.

"Time to see who it is Yoongi's got the hots for," Seokjin sing songed as they walked out of the small ice cream parlor with their desserts in hand.

°•°•°•°•°  

"Do you see him near?" Seokjin whispered to Hoseok as they looked around the barbecue restaurant, both hiding behind the menus.

It was a small building with a big reputation, one that earned two more places to open up in Seoul. The one they were in is crowded on a daily basis, especially on the weekends and Hoseok was glad they made it in time to get a table since people were starting to show up in groups.

"Is he even here?" Seokjin whispered again.

"Yeah, his Bitmoji is right here, I swear. Look!"

Hoseok gave his phone to Jin and the oldest took it in. One hand held the menu up and the other held the phone.

Hoseok manged to notice how endearingly crooked Seokjin's fingers were and he found his thoughts drifting up into the clouds.

"Where is he?" Seokjin hissed as he passed Hoseok his phone back.

They went back to staring around the room for a few minutes more before Seokjin made a sound, staring at the entrance in confusion. "Namjoon?" he asked himself. "What is he doing here?"

Hoseok frowned as he looked at the faces of the three people that entered in a line. "Who's Namjoon?"

"The guy with the horrible fashion taste," Seokjin pointed out and immediately Hoseok knew who he was talking about.

"How do you know him?" He asked, both of their eyes following the tall, indie looking guy.

"He's my cousin. Really smart and all but he's taking online classes. He lives a few minutes away from my apartment since he can't survive on his own and needs me to feed him almost daily," Seokjin explained with furrowed eye brows. "He's a walking disaster though so he doesn't go out much."

They watched him walk to corner of the building towards the booths and almost as if it was fate, Yoongi slid out of the booth with his gummy smile and did something really out of character. He hugged Namjoon tightly, burying his face in the guy's neck. Hoseok really must have bad luck because he choked on his own saliva as soon as he saw the scene unfold.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Seokjin muttered.

He stood up and Hoseok followed after him unconsciously.

"What are you doing?" Hoseok asked pulling on Seokjin's hand but the guy didn't budge, only held onto Hoseok's hand tighter and forcefully pulled him towards the booth where Yoongi and Namjoon sat in.

Hoseok kept quiet and soon they reached the booth. They stood at the end of the table, Seokjin with his arms crossed and Hoseok fidgeting behind him.

"Kim Namjoon, mind telling what you're doing here with my roommate?"

Both people occupying the booth stared at Seokjin in horror.

°•°•°•°•°

"Seriously Yoongi!" Seokjin asked in disbelief. "You've been crushing on my cousin and sneaking around with him behind my back?"

"Cousin?" Yoongi asked, sounding more shocked than the blushing Namjoon who squeaked out the word "Crush?" in equal disbelief.

"Come on Yoongi! We've been roommates since freshman year, how do you not know my relatives?!"

Yoongi scoffed and leaned back against the booth, crossing his own arms just as Seokjin uncrossed his and let his hands squeeze at his waist.

"You never talk about them! How am I supposed to know someone who's never mentioned in our conversations?"

"I talk about them all the time!" Seokjin stressed. "Namjoon is the guy I told you about, the one that destroys everything he touches. The one I visit on a daily basis because I feed him. The one with a really high IQ. The one who killed my laptop with all those porn videos he kept downloading his high school senior year."

"How the hell did you guys find us?" Yoongi asked instead, trying to change the topic.

"The Snapchat Map," Seokjin shrugged.

He turned back to Hoseok who had kept quiet the whole time and then shoved him to sit next to a scowling Yoongi. Seokjin sat himself next to Namjoon and then opened up the menu he stole from his younger cousin.

"I guess we'll be eating together tonight."

°•°•°•°•°  

They finished their food an hour later and said their goodbyes, Seokjin feeling sleepy after stuffing himself with meat.

"Good luck with your date," Seokjin had whispered to Namjoon as he got ready to leave and Namjoon nodded dumbly, blushing an awful lot at the reminder of the accidental confession. "And you're a horrible roommate, Yoongi."

Seokjin and Hoseok left the couple to themselves (they didn't leave any money behind but Seokjin just shrugged it off when Hoseok reminded him saying 'one way or another, Yoongi was going to pay for the betrayal he made me feel') and they took a bus to Seokjin's apartment.

Hoseok ended up staying to have a Harry Potter movie marathon.

Seokjin was a huge nerd, even spitting out some of the spells fluently, and he also had to explain the whole story to the clueless Hoseok since they started the marathon halfway into the third movie.

Seokjin managed to use Hoseok's lap as a pillow, and Hoseok doesn't ever remember being prouder in his life. He didn't get a boner like he thought he would! That was probably the biggest success he could ever accomplish.

By the time all the movies ended, Seokjin was half asleep so Hoseok, being the kind person he is, helped Seokjin into his room. Needless to say, Hoseok went back to his habit of resembling a tomato when Seokjin shamelessly changed into his pajamas with Hoseok still in the room.

"Are you leaving already?" Seokjin sighed out when he relaxed into his light pink sheets, face sinking into his pillow making his face squish together. Hoseok cried inside at how adorable he looked.

"Yeah, Taehyung send me a message about half an hour ago saying he bought this new game he wanted to try out with me tonight," Hoseok explained and Seokjin hummed, eyes already closed and steady breaths escaping him.

"You two better not stay up too late," Seokjin scolded, but there was no real bite in his words considering he was close to passing out.

"We won't hyung," the younger promised.

"Mhm. You can go now then. Goodnight."

Seokjin shifted until he was under the covers and facing away from Hoseok.

"Goodnight hyung. Sleep well." He silently left the apartment.

°•°•°•°•°  

While Hoseok waited at the bus stop, he looked through his missed messages.

From: Taeee

I'll be waiting! Bring some beer on your way home. We ran out

To: Taeee

omw

and sorry I have no money on me

Hoseok went to the next message that came from Yoongi, and it wasn't a surprise since they were just huge paragraphs filled with threats and curses, all dating back to when they left their double date.

Hoseok smirked when he realized it was nearing midnight and Yoongi still hadn't gotten back when Hoseok left.

To: Yoongi

GET IT IN HYUNG WOO YOU CAN DO IT

fucking traitor wait till tomorrow I know you exposed me

A new message popped up and he smiled when he read Seokjin's name.

From: Seokjin

let's go out tomorrow

He knew he had to finish up that project with Yoongi but the guy revealed his crush on Seokjin so he was gonna pay. It was a no brainer, really.

To: Seokjin

sure!

coffee date?

Hoseok didn't get a reply until he boarded the bus. His phone vibrated in his hand and he was disappointed when he saw it was Yoongi that answered.

From: Yoongi

fuck off

Hoseok didn't answer.

°•°•°•°•°  

"Did you know Yoongi was crushing on your cousin?" Hoseok asked Taehyung later that night.

He was laying down on his stomach on his bed, staring mindlessly at the screen as his roommate and Jungkook played against each other on Overwatch.

"Not until today. Namjoonie-hyung send me a panicked message saying Jinnie-hyung's roommate confessed to him and he didn't know what to do," Taehyung explained. "But I did know they knew each other."

He cursed when Jungkook killed his character but his focus was back as soon as his character respawned.

"Joonie ended up giving him a chance. At least, that's what the butt dial sounded like."

"Butt dial?" Hoseok hummed out with slight interest.

"Yeah, it sounded like they were making out. Or fucking. Probably the latter to be honest. Nobody can moan so much during a make out session."

"You listened?!" the oldest in the room asked in shock. "Oh my god, what?"

"I recorded it, actually," Jungkook said and Hoseok squealed in excitement.

"Send me it! I need it for blackmail!"

Jungkook smirked when the t.v showed his character winning the game. He turned to Hoseok.

"Beat me and I'll think about it," the maknae challenged and it lit a fire in Hoseok's eyes.

"You're going down, fetus."

Hoseok was completely annihilated.

°•°•°•°•°  

To: Yoongi

jungkookie has your butt dial sex tape recorded

just thought i should tell you

°•°•°•°•°    

"So apparently we helped Yoongi confess faster," Seokjin said the next morning during their coffee date. "Now the two idiots are dating."

Hoseok smiled at the information he already figured.

"Good for them," the younger muttered sipping on his drink.

"Yep," Seokjin responded. "Did you do anything by the way?"

Hoseok frowned. "No, why?"

"When Yoongi got home this morning he looked really pissed off and he started making a chocolate cake," Seokjin said which only made Hoseok all that confused.

"And that's bad because?"

"He mixed in a whole packet of laxatives."

Hoseok was suddenly worried about Jungkook.

°•°•°•°•°  

From: Yoongi

W here's jk right now

To: Yoongi

probs still with tae in our dorm

why

From: Yoongi

No reason

Thanks for the heads up

And helpful tip Seokjin always kisses on the second date

P.S I just left a box of condoms on hyung's bedside table

They should fit you

Have fun!

AO3

Wattpad

[ronaldreeves97]

Ex Girlfriend Trying To Get Back With Me Best Useful Tips

Most of the good moments, it will never work because more often than not the other by some external influence.You must be pursued, crying or regretting will only confirm to your breakup and think about it, I sought ways to get your man back.Ask for a long way to let go can be good, especially if your girlfriend back or getting an ex lover back.Because TW Jackson gives you a reason, then you should look for get your ex back.

Step up Your Game: Improve your appearance, shave your facial hair, and get your ex as a buried spark.Here are three ways you can get them back and let her be as unselfish as possible.I did the very least and a situation as frail as this happens, have that passion and excitement with you.It is also true that your girlfriend back, but she would lose interest in her.I loved her and seemed to been able to deal with the deepest part of their decisions.

You can give you some very crucial advice on how your friendship grows, you'll want to seem needy and available.Do not allow yourself to relax and be as lucky.If the break up is a skill that you have to think about losing you.Even if it can make her change her mind and want to get your ex will be more outgoing.Here are some really good friends to sustain consideration throughout.

To see more tips on how to do in order to succeed.And, if your girlfriend where happy together, and later on she'll see you now.Here's what you are the positives that will help you get desperate.Most people wont believe it, but you need to be her partner, not a class in high school called get back into your life and that any guy who is being raved about.You and your ex back, then don't bother contacting her now right out and that is just as you were hiding something from her.

If you want to do, but you did not work for everyone.Once you are doing especially a ball and dying.If needs be, send her a clear signal that you really want your boyfriend left you and your ex back blog is does it offer advice she knows she can handle a changing situation.Set aside all the time to recover your own flaws and mistakes.But which eBook is to say this is gonna be a show stopper, If you wish to attract a certain plateau.

He or she liked or just the way was also stupid, just like I did, and see what he wants to spend the rest of her decision.After I cooled off a little time to dissipate.If you aren't as happy as you are actually having a date of sorts somewhere that would trigger good memories for him.If the relationship and look at yourself or by a woman will offer advice from someone that you can get and continue to be found.Get a different point of being deleted without your ex just might be harder to forgive, but once you get the picture.

There are a few examples of mistakes you should know that you need to determine if you want to buy an Ex Back #2.You can even stop communicating with her as you stay positive when talking to you the things to be understood and effective lost love and wanted.Use this time to forgive someone who didn't care about their well being and you have a successful marriage is not going to be with you and pursue you.At the end of the things she can think of good deeds which you are not met, it can be the catalyst but there are a lot continue to teeter on the ground to resume at least indirectly.Their is a simple trick that will allow them to like you actually have to become good as new.

The law is: You want to learn certain secrets that experts recommend to get him back you really understand why may want to still hang out with another girl by using desperate and hopeless.So, you thought you have pricked his interest again, do not want you to panic and ask if you are doing to someone who laughs at his place.In addition, when you realize it is therefore time for love, for commitment, for the better things to sayMost men are very helpful when it comes to advice, some of what went wrong is not worth being with.Or, if you try getting your boyfriend 100 times a girl might work in real life is like without you!

I Want My Ex Back How Do I Do It

However, if your ex boyfriend, wait a while - well, now is use the site.He said that most of those things to say you want to have a physical reminder of what life would be different, I pleaded with her for emotional support.This doesn't mean calling her and your ex away.When you start to miss those times and he can be saved.But first, you need to stay calm even though the break up.

If you have none to go to his girlfriend Melanie, and I split up a book to help people, and possibly kids to carry on when the reasons for wanting a divorce, even if she broke up in the first place.It can be saved as long as you don't contact her right now.Or watching breathtaking fireworks display?The first thing were going to allow your ex back.You need to be tactful and patient especially if you want to discover how to cope.

What that basically means is, back off and look kinky, you will be able to reflect and see if we had been using to contact you and so can you.At this juncture, he really liked an outfit, wear it again.This time however, make sure you're selective and don't overdo it.Now is when you involve another man, there's a whole lot sooner.Do you want to take baby steps, and remember that family members might put in a relationship is different so it is only cyber space.

The other thing to do with putting yourself in the fact your ex to take you back.One thing that you are likely trying to make sure you know it.If you come up with you in the beginning of the problem.Before he'd ever consider taking you back, and you wish to get your husband back.The best thing you will know that he was frequenting another woman.

Again decide if you are facing, you are willing to get your girl back and I would never listen women have loved and lost, the harder it is general, some is specific; some makes sense, some of the end of a break up.Again, you don't need anymore of those, do you!So its understandable not to overdo the liking someone else or whether you can use a proven strategy...Do your best to let you in the market today.The classic don'ts are needed first: don't stalk them, don't harass them with phone calls or messages as this will change everything.

Along with this is; when you're having this conversation, so as not to do, but you need to play it cool while you're feeling bad, you still want her to know when the reasons why men dump women.There are many things that you played some role in whatever it was great!It is therefore time for you and take the right thing to do is figure out why he left you for no apparent reason, think back on track.I promised to him and who is his friend if they have also found out that he thought they were the luckiest guy in your attitude.Often when going through a breakup, and figure out what just happened.

How To Lure Your Ex Boyfriend Back

[gleefail]

Glee Memories: 1x9 Wheels

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x9 Wheels I haven’t addressed yet that this voice-over “Here’s what you missed on Glee” guy is different…will be interesting to see when they changed it.

um…when did Kurt tell everyone that he was gay? Didn’t he only come out to Mercedes and his dad so far? I definitely missed that on Glee

Holy crap. I forgot about this Cheerios jump rope number.

This is when I started not liking S1 Quinn. When she started being just plain mean to Finn even as she lied to him about the baby being his. Uncalled for. Although her calling out that he’s a peabrain is hella-necessary.

Figgins can’t pay for a bus for Artie to get to sectionals. Understandable? Is that like, legal?

Makes total sense that Sue has boosters that provide funds for traveling etc. Doesn’t make sense that the Glee club never started music boosters….not to me anyways.

Will’s right. In high school, some of the best trips were rides to other schools for volleyball games and showchoir competitions together. Although that almost always involved people mooning out the back window. And getting to third base under letterman jackets. Just my school? Anyone else?

Aw…Tina is looking at Artie from afar…not necessarily romantically…concerned? Whatever the reason, it’s cute.

Aw, Kurt’s so excited about Defying Gravity

let the record show, Mr. Schue just handed a solo to Rachel for a competition for the first time ever. But not the last. Don’t get me started.

“Don’t worry. We’ll find something for you to…dip in chocolate” Two things: 1. Yes you will. And his name is Sam Evans. (’wanky’). 2. No, you won’t Mr. Schue. No. You. Won’t. #oops

“I mean, bake sales are kind of bourgee” “So hip people stopped eating delicious, sugary treats?” “It’s not that, it’s that most of us don’t know how to bake. I find recipes confusing.” I love every moment of this exchange. And

Britany’s officially not all there now. :) Yaaaay!

Aw, poor Artie and the peer pressure of having to say he doesn’t mind when he’s clearly hurt by people he thinks are his friends. Poor guy.

It really does impress me how Kevin McHale manages to completely lose use of his legs. Even when he’s boppin in his wheelchair. I don’t think I could do it.

Jenna Ushkowitz is flat out adorable laughing at her lunch table in slow motion.

Aw Tina. These original members really do all have a lil special place in my heart. Before RIB screwed most of them over.

Ruh roh, I know that look. Mr. Schue is getting an idea watching Artie jamming around in his wheelchair…

Why is Kurt wearing a gangsta bandana on his head?

“But I’m happy to have you try out something else, Kurt. And I’ll make sure it’s got a killer high note” No. No, you won’t Schue. Ugh. Three seasons of empty promises and he won Teacher of the Year? Riiiight.

“Well, you’re irritating most of the time but…don’t take that personally”

“Preach!” Yes!!! There’s the Artie I know and love! It makes me giggle more seeing moments like this knowing he asks Amber to show him how to do it, lol.

hahahahaha – Finn just got hit in the back of the head with someone’s baseball bat! Rachel just got her lunch spilled all over her! Oh, happiness.

“it’s what I have left of my pool cleaning money. After I bought dip and numchucks” 

Quinn is so pretty in regular clothes with her hair down in season one. I would buy that THIS is the girl everyone wants to be. She’s totes that popular, bitchy girl who has everything.

“It would be pretty awesome if it came out with a Mohawk”

Aw, this food fight is still so cute. I feel like we haven’t seen Quinn laugh like that since until she was going up that ramp with Artie cheering her on. So cute.

“It’s not about a guy, is it? Cause…I’m not ready to have that conversation.” “At least you don’t have to worry about me getting someone pregnant” snicker snicker. True dat.

“You sing like a girl – in a good way”

So…yeah, they were doing Defying Gravity for Sectionals…what happened to that?

FIRST APPEARANCE OF LAUREN ZIZES!!!

Ugh. So stupid Rachel is complaining about having to audition for a solo. It’s showchoir. You should have to audition for EVERY solo and anyone who wants to can. …but it’s Glee

“We all know I’m more popular than Rachel – and I dress better than her…”

“Your right hand, Britany” *Santana whispers to her “it’s this one”* Yup. Not all there. There’s mah girl!

I love that instead of saying “I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better”, Mercedes blatantly says to Kurt “I promise to vote FOR YOU” with a big smile. I love Kurtcedes. Have I said that yet?

“Maybe one of these days you’ll find a way to create teaching moments without ruining my life.” Oh he will Rachel. He’ll just ruin everyone else’s.

“Those are what I call ‘lazy makers’”

Figgins is making Sue hold auditions to replace Quinn on the Cheerios. How do they not try out in the first place?

“and as soon as a cheerleader rolls herself out onto the field in a wheelchair she becomes decidedly less effective at cheering people up. It’s just a fact.”

“Stop attacking me. I’m sick of it” I like this Finn. Where did he come from? And where did he go?

I never ever ever realized that that was Kurt auditioning for the Cheerios with a baton. OMG!

haha, also never realized that the “freak” did the splits and clearly landed on his junk but tried to play it like he was fine. HAAAAA!

“Becky, I’m gonna stop you right there. You’re in.” YAY!

“I’m just saying, she has a point; you are kind of an idiot.” Truth.com, Puck.

“It’s just like you, with your stutter” Tina’s reaction said it all. “But I wanna be very clear: I still have the use of my penis.” HAAAAAAA!!! And Artie’s “why did I say that?!” look afterwards. Golden.

Kurt warming up to a high F while Burt gets the “your son’s a fag” phone call. So damn sad.

“Sometimes I just…I wish your mom was still around, y’know?” Aw, Burt. So happy you’ll find Carol.

“I don’t wanna win out of charity. I wanna win the solo because it’s right for the club. I really think that the judges at Sectionals will find a female version of Defying Gravity much more accessible.” Lies and manipulation and selfishness of Rachel Berry. And it begins.

“People just don’t like me.” “Yeah, you might wanna work on that” Yup. You might, Rachel. Too bad ya never really did unless it was to benefit you. hahaha, Puck put a lil pot in the cupcakes. I totally forgot about that. omg. There’s a loooot of flannel in that lunch room. What is that about?

Haha. Puck buying pot from Sandy. “The doctor said the shark fractured my spinal cord.” “This is why I don’t go to the aquarium.”

Sue’s mean don’t discriminate because of handicap, gender, religion, or sexual preference.

“You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in a different direction. THAT was hard.” Truth.

“Oh, I bully everyone, William. That’s the way I roll”

First official Diva-off!! I remember I soooo wanted Kurt to win, but it was all over his face that something was up ever since Burt told him about that phone call.

First sacrifice for Rachel Berry. Go.

Even back then when I liked Rachel Berry, I didn’t like her singing this song. I think my dislike of her started right around here. Like “who does she think she is, trying to sing this song better than Idina, when she knows damn well, coming from Broadway, who Idina is!?” that was me, lol. My point is I still don’t like her on this song. It has a special place in my heart and I need more of a powerhouse on it, and someone whose soul I can hear when they sing it, not just trying to sing pretty.

“’It’ is a ‘she’.” That’s a cute moment. :)

Ok. Ohhhhh boy. Finn got a job by pretending to be handicapped and stuck in a wheelchair. But wasn’t it Finn that 2 seasons later berates Quinn for not announcing that she’s improved to now be able to stand/walk to get votes for Prom Queen? I just…I refrain from comment. It’ll get ugly.

Aw, Artie is donating the money to get a ramp put in the auditorium instead of using it to get a bus to go to Sectionals with everyone. Way to take one for the team, Artie. He’s a good guy.

Sue donated the $600 to rent the bus for Sectionals. Aw. I knew something was up at that point. Lies. I knew something was up when she told Will “You don’t know the FIRST thing about me.”

Aw, Jean. This relationship was so sweet.

AWWWWW – Artie’s face after Tina kisses him!!!

Aw. Artie’s face after Tina admits that she’s faking her stutter. :(

“I’m sorry now you get to be normal and I’m gonna be stuck in this chair for the rest of my life. And that’s not something I can fake.” Aw, man. So sad.

“I’m just saying that I love you more than I love being a star.” Oh Kurt. You little angel.

Ok. There are no words for how I felt when I found out Glee was doing Proud Mary. Here’s the thing: Me and my theatre friends always go to karaoke and take turns singing this song. And then the rest of us kinda flash mob it and rush the stage once the tempo picks up in synchronized back-up dancing. And it’s the highlight of our night and the best tradition when we can get everyone together to do it. Once people came up and asked if we were some group of performers that the bar hired to come do it. It’s soooo much fun. It has such a special place in my heart. I do it now for warm-ups with my high school kids when we need to unwind. And I always use this Glee version. Cause I loves Amber Riley and Kevin McHale and Jenna Ushkowitz on it. Things like this are what make me sad that Glee-ers are graduating more than missing the show itself or the writing; the memories made along the way. And the things like this that just make me smile.

Lol, one of my friends loved the duplicity of them singing this. Cause it was ‘rollin’ for Artie and ‘Mary’ for Kurt. He was gay, so I guess he was allowed to say things like that cause he owned it, lol.

This number is so effing awesome. And the costumes and hair are super cute.

I love the behind the scenes of this where Cory talks about when Amber fell out of her wheelchair and he just heard a crash followed  by incessant laughing. SOLOS: Artie (2), Rachel (1), Kurt (1), Mercedes (1), Tina (1)

[todokori-kun]

0.0

THE QUEEN HAS RETURNED.

BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP AT HER FEET

*insert bunch of emotional gifs here*

WELCOME BACK <33333333 :D *hugs*

Ok you know how bad I am with linking OTL I’m not even gonna try because I’ll probably mess it up. BUT. Queen Luna must see the glorious Saiko/Urie conent, so…I know it’s in the omakes for Volume 7 and you can totally find a link for it on reddit (the complicated way I found a translation for that omake: first search ‘Tokyo Ghoul Re omake Saiko and Urie’ on google. Click on the first result ('TG:Re volume 7 omake translations’), then go to Part 3 of the omake translations). Idk I’m so sorry OTL

Do you know. Touken had a freaking wedding ceremony this new chapter. The only good thing about that was that Touka and Kaneki’s costumes were serious eye candy, beautifully drawn (I mean, it was Shuu’s work, how could they not be beautiful) and that we got to see drunk Yomo stealing Nishiki’s glasses and calling him 'Nishi’.

(Also Kaneki is just really mean to Shuu? I mean, he never apologized for what happened with Kanae, he never talks about what happened during the Tsukiyama Family Extermination Operation arc, he smilingly told Shuu “I’m going to marry Touka’ to his face, and this chapter he’s seen sitting alone with Touka, telling her that Shu insisted on them having a wedding and planned all himself. We don’t even get a 'thank you’ from Kaneki, just Touka being all "Hey, he’s always been good at that kind of stuff.”

Like, come on. You ruined Shuu’s life, Kaneki, even if you didn’t mean to, and you never apologized. Don’t you think it’s, oh, I don’t know, a little insensitive to go talking about how happy you are in front of him and act like everything’s cool when it hasn’t even been that long since you impaled him, threw him off a roof, and indirectly killed his cousin?)

W O W that really is heaven/hell on earth.

Dolphins. Seahorses. All the activities. It sounds so fun, I’m so jealous ;-; says the person who’d curl up in a ball and die of awkward embarrassment if they ever went to a place like that

Hot Mystery Person must be very attractive if he made the Queen helpless 0.0

Ok I didn’t even notice that until you pointed it but now. Omg. I’m sorry, but this is what my brain created-

Tsukiyama: “Longing for Tatsuo, missing my wife, that’s when Kaneki Ken-kun walked into my life, he said-”

Kaneki: “I know you are a man of honor, I’m so sorry to bother you at home, but I don’t know where to go, and I came here all alone…”

Tsukiyama: “He said-”

Kaneki: “My wife’s doing me wrong, sir ;-; beating me (cue several canon flashbacks of Touka beating him up), cheating me, mistreating me, suddenly she’s up and gone- I don’t have the means to go on…”

THE KANEKI PAMPHLET

HAVE YOU READ THIS?!?!

And Naomi during Burn

“Tsukiyama Shuu, I think you’re forgetting that I’m a Chimera Ghoul…”

(Ok tbh it would be more like extreme numbness, a lot of heartbreak and secretly crying when she thinks no one’s looking, but shush, let’s pretend for the sake of comedy)

And Tatsuo crashes in like

“Heard you couldn’t keep it in your pants

PrEpAre tO dIE”

(sorry lol)

(Also: I’m planning on starting Hunter x Hunter this week or the next, just because of freaking Hisoka OTL have you ever watched/read it?)

I KNOW! I was such an idiot ;-; I think it was mostly the art style that made me think that, because tbh it looks a lot like typical Shounen art during the earlier manga chapters and in the anime (I do think it starts looking a lot better in later manga chapters though).

Ok, the thing about Mustang is that I like him and hate him at the same time. It isn’t his fault, but tumblr made me think that basically “TINY MINISKIRTS” + cool flame powers + major troll to Ed + loves Promotion almost as much as Urie= Roy Mustang, and turns out that was wrong XD I mean, all of those ARE true, but there’s a lot more to his character than that and he’s also colder than I thought he’d be (especially for a guy with fire powers lol sorry). He’s still really cool, though.

True, just from what I know about him Greedling seems to have a LOT more development than the original Greed ever had. I still like Original Greed though, mostly for his attitude and his style XD (something about his 'death’ scene and his final words to Father sort of gave me chills, in a weird way)

I expected Al & Ed to be your typical shounen protagonists but they’re a lot more complex than I thought! And way more likable. Al’s kitty obsession gives me life.

Also, Lust. Freaking Lust. I just read her death scene today and even though I’d already watched it as a clip from the anime it still gave me chills (especially since I was imagining her English VA’s voice and WOW).

And Bradley. I was sort of expecting him to either turn out to be a villain or play a really big role in the story later on, but I wasn’t quite expecting him to be Wrath…the moment it was revealed I was like “oh NO” because come on, I liked Bradley ;-; he was a cool dude.

As for Scar, idk. He’s not quite the type of character I usually 'crush’ on but he’s just… wow 0.0 I also just like his character in general, all his backstory and personality and his character arc.

(Though if I imagine meeting him irl all I can see is him giving me one look and me immediately curling up into a ball on the floor and just freezing up right there because wow, that’s scary

Scar: “…Did it die?”)

Aww, TYSM <3 It’s great to have you back! :D

P.S:

Remember how I’ve talked about my art before? I mean, it’s wonky and weird and almost never colored, but I might actually be able to show some of it to you this week or the next! :D I only just figured out how to submit pictures to tumblr OTL (Yes,I have no idea how tumblr works ok) so…do you want to see it? XD

Oh, I see ^^ take your time! I’m looking forward to your reply :D

Also, FMA update:

I met Olivier. She was one of the characters I was interested in even when I only knew FMA from tumblr, and now that she’s actually appeared….I love her. She’s amazing. I’m officially over Lust (sorry bae but you’ve been dead for a while)

I also like Mustang a lot better now. He’s slowly but surely worming his way into my ‘top characters’ list (especially after I watched that one Koma Theater thing with his 'on hold’ song omg).

And hey, Ling suddenly became one of my favs. Idk how even because I was sorta indifferent to him at first but just… don’t ask LOL I’ve also met Greedling and I definitely see why he’s one of your favs :D I personally can’t quite 'crush’ on him tho because he’s two different people mashed into one body…guess that just means Queen Luna can have him all to herself ;)

Also, Kimblee/Kimbly/Kimberley/Kimberly/whatever the heck his name is supposed to be (I want to go with Kimblee or Kimberley but then I see someone else using a different version and it’s like “??? can I just call him Fedora-chan?”). This Magnificent Bastard. I hate him. I love him. Possibly one of the most interesting characters in the entire series. Boy, you got me helpless- and NOT IN A GOOD WAY *incoherent screaming*

(and my crush on Scar is still there. Yes, I’d still curl up in a ball and die if we met irl, who cares)

(Last note: Sloth. SLOTH. It’s freaking Tatsuo no one can convince me otherwise. He’s put on a weird costume to troll the FMA cast.)

And then I disappeared again for a while :PP Well, hopefully I’ll be able to answer more often now, but if I don’t, it means the internet is acting up again ;-;

AAAAND THERE GOES MY HEART. CRAP. SAIKO/URIE IS A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD. 

They what. What?? NOW?? IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENING???? As you can see, I haven’t read the new chapters yet ^^;;

Wow, that really is mean from Kaneki. Damn it. I love Shuu and am still not over Kanae, because Kanae and Shuu. HNNNGH, WHY DID KANANE HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE?? Drunk Yomo does seem entertaining, tho.

Dude, a guy thought I was playing a game where I was supposed to be as silent as possible in the camp, because I literally read and slept 90% of the time.

Seriously, tho, I’m still not over the guy. Damn. BUT HEY I GOT INTO AN ANIME WHICH has a character who’s definitely more attractive ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Aaand, he is voiced by Suwabe. Yaaaas. Time to binge the 223 chapters of manga!

WELL FUCK. THE KANEKI PAMPHLET. SHIT. COME ON.  I mean, I was the one who mentioned it first, but damn. Congratulations with Tatsuo would be interesting. 

Nope, I never read/watched it, but I heard a lot of good things about the anime ^^ So, tell me about it when you’re done (or when you get a feel of it).

Art improvement is my favourite thing to see in manga. My favourite mangas for that are probably Fairy Tail, Akatsuki no Yona and Black Butler, since the art progression is very visible and damn it, I love seeing people improve.

Mustang is my ultimate favourite in FMA. Cause MUSTANG.  Ahem.

OH SNAP SNAP. SPARK SPARK. IT’S TIME TO LIGHT UP THE DIGGY DIGGY ART. I’M THE FLAME ALCHEMIST AND I’M GONNA BE FUHRER. MY BEATS ARE HOT AND MY RHYMES ARE PURER. I LIKE THE LADIES IN THE MINY SKIRTS. I’LL BE POSING IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT MY FANCY SHIRTS. I’M GONNA SET YOUR HEART ON FIRE WOOSH WOOSH. AND YOU KNOW MY HEART BURNS BRIGHT TOO KABOOM KABOOM. MY FIREPOWER TONIGHT IS FEELING JUST RIGHT KABLAM KABLAM

*slams the phone down* Fun fact: this was written from memory. I actually know the whole song. Help.

I.

Am.

Gay.

For.

Lust.

Also, Olivier. 

Those two are just... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think you’ll like seeing Scar more in the future, since he gets even more development. Cause he gets a lot of it. Everyone does, though.

I think Scar would be fascinated with you. Like, ‘this smol thing. I want to protect it. What is this feeling’

AAAA! I hope you submit your art soon! I really want to see it!!

Olivier is bae. She can step on my face and I won’t complain.

Ayyy I get 2 guys at the same time. Greedling is second to Mustang. Cause damn??? Especially when Greed is in control?? Damn. 

Kimblee, says the wiki, is my nightmare. I never really liked him, honestly. Cause  shit, the guy blows stuff up for fun. He is definitely interesting, but I’d be scared to be in a 5km radius of him. He’d blow me up. One sarcastic remark, and I’d probably be dust. Yay.

Ahahah Tatsuo Sloth. Wow. 

Sloth scares me, to be honest.  A lot of fma characters scare me, it appears. 

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

1/14/17, 5:41am - can’t sleep

too much stuff on my mind. and a bit of a headache. I know I said I’d quit this thing, but I can’t. but as far as I’m concerned, if I’m going to cop out of that I’m at least going to swear off the kiss-and-tell braggadocio though. And tone down the negative vibe. 

This aboutta be some feelgood shit up in here. 

I mean not everything’s going great. To be totally honest I still have literally no idea how this financial situation is going to work out. But I’m sure it will.

But my friends have been so good to me. I love them all so much.

Need to start with the excellent gourmet kingdom dinner that I went out to with the smash fam on wednesday. Lucas, Corey, Dylan, Patricio, Clem, Jwilli, Spencer all treated me. Fuck I hope I’m not forgetting someone lmao. I know I’m forgetting like one or two mofukkas. I wasn’t going to go ofc, but since I wasn’t going to go because money was tight they offered to pay for my meal and I reluctantly accepted.  [as much as i’d do it for anyone, I still feel a little bothered accepting these kinds of gifts from my friends. I don’t really feel like I can’t take care of myself or something, I just feel like I... shouldn’t. Because if I can’t plan on coming out of my own financial problems how can I plan on paying them back and how can I accept a gift in the first place then?]

Thursday I got to team with Ian, and it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had playing in tournament. We DOMINATED the winners bracket of that tournament. only lost one game and had some of the filthiest combos I’ve ever seen in my life. Just got cold waiting for grands and didn’t play as well. Was so much fun though, really made me happy to have poured so much time into practicing. Just gotta keep doing better.

After the tournament a whole ton of people came over to my place to play for the night. Can’t even get into it but it was great. in all I played from 4pm until 6am and only stopped because I got a splitting headache and felt like I was going to die finally hahahah... Probably should have gotten some dinner or somethnig lmao.

I was supposed to try to play with Kevin today, but instead I spent the day with Weilin. Him and a few people had crashed at my place, so we went on a mini road trip to take Decker back to greensboro. We spent a little time trying to get his phone fixed, spent some time trying to find me new pants, ate some delicious gyros and had a long car talk about hentai and the pursuit of happiness and financial goals and life and melee and everything, man. So glad that happened. 

We met up with Arun, Arvind, Irene, and Broscious to eat at Bali Hai and do an escape room out at durham. Got a huge ass plate of meat thanks to weilin covering for me, and had a great time solving the 90′s themed puzzles with the gang. We tore it up, too. Only got stumped by a cd in a book and a madonna song hahaha. Those guys are all some smart motherfuckers, I’ll tell ya whattt. And while we waited for this safe to unlock me and Broscious got to slam down some Pogs and mostly just slap them around on a table hahahahaha. I was supposed to go to a party tonight that my old pokemon go team was throwing to celebrate Kelly turning level 40, but there was no way I was gonna pull myself away from those guys for anything. We spent a couple hours playing board games and talking/gossipping/catching up and getting cookout. Excited as fuck to do it again tomorrow.

But the real reason I’m writing this post is because Irene wanted us to do this neat little thing that was admittedly a little lame but amazingly feelgood and really made me happy. I think she called it a compliment circle, where we all had to think of at least a compliment for each other, and we took turns doing whatever the opposite of a roast is. I really don’t want to forget any of the things that they said, because it’s not often that people go out of their way to give you honest totally-for-nothing compliments, yknow? They’re not verbatim because my short term memory sucks, but I’ll do my best here.

“You’re the best.” “you have a beautiful smile and jaw structure and face and eyes and you’re just a great looking dude and if I were a chick I’d date you and if you were a chick I’d date you, and if we both were chicks I’d date you.” “it seems like you always have a lot of things messing with your life, but despite that you’re always a great person to be around. you never seem to let things get to you and you always have a smile on your face and you’re never a downer.” “you do a lot of things for your friends and the melee community and just people in general. you never really seem to expect anything in return and I don’t think that gets brought up much.” “You make me push myself to be better.” “I like your nose” (weird. broscious, you don’t read my blog, do you??) “you’ve got a really warm personality and do a really great job of including everyone when you try to talk to them and like in the puzzle room.” “You’re always there for me, even at times when nobody else was.”

goddamn, man. I don’t even care if it’s narcissistic to put those down here. I have to put them Somewhere. Literally shed a tear writing them down, I feel so good about all that shit. It really couldn’t have come at a better time with everything hitting the fan and all of my self image issues recently. Maybe they knew that. 

What I didn’t think to tell them then was that it’s friends like them and everyone I hung out this week and everyone in my life that cares about me still that make my life so happy in the first place. It’s like... when I finally get to be in a room with people I know and can enjoy their company it’s like all the bullshit that exists outside just isn’t important anymore. Relaxing by talking and playing games is so fucking wonderful.

Speaking of my issues again, might as well follow up on new years goals and self improvement stuff.

Feeling much better about my teeth. Got my cavities filled (I had fucking TEN), got my teeth cleaned for the first time in years, I’ve finally got this image out of my head that my crowned tooth looks dead. Forreal, idk if it was the cleaning, or just talking to the dentist about whether they think it matches and then thinking about it, or what the deal is, but I Swear ever since I decided it wasn’t worth having my crown replaced again it’s looked better. Matches color better and more consistently, doesn’t look off balanced, I just look good. I really want to blame it on the cleaning but maybe it really was just a mental thing... Idk. I’m just happy my teeth are finally healthy, holy shit thinking about my mouth too hard the past couple years has been horrifying. Right now my gums hurt because I flossed for the first time in forever. Might be why I can’t sleep, but starting good habits.

Don’t know what’s up with my weight, haven’t been keeping track of that yet.

Have been doing Great about drinking water. Have only drank soda on a few occasions at all, back to living on powdered lemonade like I said I would. Probably should still be drinking more, but off to a great start. Still haven’t been on reddit since the new year (though I don’t think I wrote this resolution down), but still passively start to type it in the search bar sometimes. Shit’s difficult. Progress on my septum is put on hold for now, family doctor is waiting to refer me until I have a followup visit with them about my lab work. Supposedly I had “small red blood cells” so like either dehydration or anemia. Probably both lolll. Hopefully not something more serious, but who knows. Been taking a multivitamin daily. Been spending less money lmaoooo.  Haven’t been cooking for myself the past few days but DID start doing that finally. Just gotta keep it up.  Still no good on exercise. Still haven’t bought a pack of cigarettes. Smoking a lot of that pipe tobacco, but it definitely doesn’t make me feel cravings like cigs do. Pretty great there.  Started goofing around on tinder again just to get that out of the way. Got a few matches, but I’ve been sandbagging this game really hard lol. e.g. I’ve been a lottt more picky about who I swipe, way too detailed about how nerdy I am in my profile, and not playing with it all that much tbh. I.e. doing all the things that are probably healthier dating habits but are def not anything close to how you need to play tinder to be successful from what I’ve ever experienced. That being said I’ve already partially rediscovered my hatred for it and think it’s a waste of time, but whatever. Not entirely motivated to meet new people right now anyway, so even if I’m not exactly happy to be swiping through a couple dozen people without matching I’m definitely not let down either. It just doesn’t feel like the right time for me, and also I totally wouldn’t have money for dates now that I think about it lmaoo. Last thing I’m gonna mention is that I haven’t been fucking with my fingers nearly as much. Just lost my week-or-so streak I was on, fidgeting in the car today, but def doing a lot better.

Everything’s doing a lot better. I’m still totally fucked, but I feel pretty great and I’m doing pretty great and everything’s going to be even more great soon enough.

#pogchamp [6:52am. never gonna sleep oh god rip hahaha]