#also december school stress is over at last

[ashpenly]

Once again I offer a TGS panel redraw in my style

[eddiediaaz]

hi guys, i am kind of ashamed and embarrassed to have to do this, but i figured it can't hurt to ask. basically i am really struggling right now (i know a lot of us are). i need financial help, so i set up a ko-fi page ☕

any kind of help would be so appreciated and i am so grateful for anyone taking the time to read this little post.

long story short: because of situations completely out of my control, i lost my job in vfx after almost 8 years and i am now forced to switch careers. i'm going back to school and can't find a part time job even tho i have been working non stop for 15 years. financial aid will only cover my rent, so i absolutely need to work 20 to 30 hours a week to cover the rest of my living expenses, but it's really hard to find a job. i am also currently over 10k cad in debt from my film school loans and credit cards.

signal boost would be appreciated, if you can 💕

my situation in more details under the cut for those who are curious

i was working in the vfx industry as a 2D compositor since 2016 (i have worked on over 40 films and tv shows), but in december of 2023 i lost my job due to the hollywood strikes (as expected, and as it should—i fully support the strikes). this was supposed to be temporary for a couple months where i could get unemployment benefits (only 45% of my usual salary though). unfortunately, on may 31st 2024, my government announced that they are significantly cutting the funding & tax credits for the vfx industry where i live. what does this mean? mass lay offs. thousands of canadians and other people in the world working in the industry are losing their career, including me. there will only be about 20% vfx jobs left where i live by 2025. vfx shops and production houses have already started to close doors here. i'm still mourning this career i have been working in for 8 years and loved, even tho it's been difficult and demanding at times (lots of overtime), but there are just no jobs right now (unless you are a senior vfx artist with decades of experience) and the future will only get more bleak. i could move abroad and follow the industry that is already moving somewhere else, but i don't want to do that on my own (i am already super lonely as it is!!) and i can't afford it.

my unemployment benefits will run out by the last week of september. in 4 weeks. i've been sending resumes everywhere, both online and in person, but i am just not getting anything in return. even tho i have over 15 years of experience working in various jobs and i have never been fired from anywhere. even tho my resume and cover letters are solid because they have been approved my professional counselors (a free service for people under 35 where i live). so much for they're hiring everywhere...

since my vfx compositing skills are very niche and not really applicable to much else, i decided to go back to school, taking college classes in the admin and excecutive assistant fields, since it's something that i think would be good for me and there are lots of jobs for that here. i will be getting some financial aid, but it's nowhere near enough to survive. it will only cover my rent, and that's because my rent is super cheap for my city. my college classes start on september 30 and i am excited for it, but also very stressed because i still don't have a part time job.

i've been living on my own with a small salary for over 10 years now, but it truly is the first time that i'm struggling this hard. i honestly don't have anything worth selling except some taylor swift perfumes, which i sold this week. i also have over 6k of credit debt and another 4.5k of school loans left to pay. at the bare minimum i will need about $1.000 CAD/month to cover my other bills and expenses after rent, hence why the need for a job ASAP. i am desperate and my mental health has been a huge mess. this is why i decided to open my ko-fi accounts. not that i'm expecting much, but anything can help, i think.

i don't have much to offer in exchange, except gifs? i'm wondering if (cheap, low price) gif commissions are a thing? i have no idea know, but i set up a poll on my ko-fi page to see if anyone would be interested.

thank you for reading if you've made it here, it's appreciated 💖

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for making a formal complaint about the carer for a terminally ill child?

CONTEXT: I am a librarian at a private school in Europe. prior to me taking over the position three years ago, my predecessor established the library as a place where students could be supervised by her at nearly any time with less than five minute's notice. i hate this circumstance but naturally other staff like things this way so it keeps happening after I've asked for it to stop.

I was approached in December about this permanently extending to a student who is terminally ill (this is their last year being able to attend any classes). At the time I thought that their one-to-one assistant/support would be accompanying him to the library, is it is his job to be with that child nearly all day, except when he trades off with someone for breaks (the other person is mostly a substitute but has taken on 5 extra hours for this situation to work out). if there's someone with them, obviously they don't need me to supervise them and I can leave if i need to eat/go to the bathroom/etc. these "library breaks" aren't planned in advance, they're based on how their cognition is that day and stress levels in certain classes that have become more difficult as their condition worsens. I agreed to the situation with the understanding that I would be providing the space, not the supervision. everyone on their care team (class tutor, both carers, school nurse, home-school liaison) has first aid training and much more details on specifics of their condition.

The situation is that now the carer is dropping them to the library and then he is leaving. I've had to miss lunch multiple times in the past fortnight. i spend the time they're in the library alone with me terrified that something is going to happen and i won't be able to help. i hate being left for sometimes an hour in charge of this very ill and very vulnerable child. a few times he's left them with me while I've been teaching a workshop or working with other students. when the regular carer is with the kid (most of the time) they just show up and then he leaves. i don't get any notice. the substitute usually gives me a heads up at the beginning of a class period that they'll be there, but she also stays with them so there's no problem for me. the regular situation is extremely bad for me.

i want to complain formally about the carer doing this. the obvious consequences will be that he will be monitored to make sure he's not leaving the kid unattended and management will start doing spot checks. he may have to do extra courses at home on safeguarding. if anyone else has complained about him, he'll be put on a PIP.

i feel like i might be the asshole because I'm fairly sure library time and his lunch break are the only times that he gets any respite from the situation. he's been the carer for this kid for about five years and knows them really well, and the decline in their condition is hitting him really hard. he will not only lose the extra breaks but he'll gain more work and scrutiny than he's had before, during a really hard time in his life. i don't know what to do to improve my situation except complain, but I know I'll be making his situation way worse. please be harsh.

[zeondraws]

Fellas, year is almost overrrr and it feels kinda surreal what I went through to reach this point.

I may feel nauseous rn but...! Today was a good day, my friends family and other relatives of her came today. I showed them my budgie too, he may be getting blind but people were able to hold him on their hands.

I haven't felt such joy in a while, I don't know how to put it. I remember the first years when I stayed at my friend's place around Christmas or so. It was fun but I was still dealing with other stuff that stressed me out. Especially last december was extremely stressful for me.. I mentioned it in another post? I think?

I unpacked some presents I got today. There was one special present in it, where I still can't believe of owning it.

!!! SWTD themed Christmas Jumper! Like?? Wow!! Still bewildered that one got sent to me, I mean this game is so much fun and I'm so darn obsessed analysing every detail of it whenever I can.

I literally played through it again on my PlayStation, I usually don't play such games multiple times but this one? It just hit me the moment I saw a Let's play of it. The first one I saw was from IGP, I really enjoyed him playing it, even tho Rennick JUMPSCARED me the first time I saw that scene.

First few times playing this game I got nightmares from Gibbo or my heart was racing while I ran away from Rennick. I don't know why, Gibbo's sentences haunted me so much. The pain in his voice was unbearable. (Same with O'Conner)

Trots still gives me the creeps, like he just has that aura on him. However, jumping over Trots is also very funny. And Muir's level I can now play in my sleep. I think 1/3 of my hours shown on steam is just me messing with Muir. It's currently at 154 hours played.

And Roper... my beloved *shakes my fists* poor wee man. He did nothing wrooonggggg. Sobs loudly. Foaming at the mouth and hoping there is more lore of him in the artbook. The wait will soon be over. I'm so excited.

But... I just wanna say thank you again to the devs and publishers for this awesome game. It very much helped me be able to get through the day for months. Considering it came out when I was still in a bad work environment, constantly getting bullied. I kept rewatching Playthroughs to stay calm.

I think I related to Caz a lot too, even if everything was basically falling apart around him, he kept going. Ofc he sadly couldn't get a happy ending in the end. But I just try to remember to keep going. Even if I needed to endure my old job for a bit longer, until my new job started.

It bring me so much joy being able to learn more about the gaming industry and the programs used to make such games. And ofc datamining the game and looking at every little detail. May it be the smallest thing such as a file called "CazYeet" or finding an entire unused level that was scrapped. Or even Muir's hit by prop sounds! My eyes WIDENED when I heard them.

I sometimes check artstation on multiple occasions, just to see if something new popped up. And whenever it does, I do a little mental happy dance.

(Petition to make an april fools update where the hit by prop sounds are enabled/JOKE)

Maybe one day I can finally switch over to the entertainment industry, but I need to teach myself so much first. I still wanna go to art school so badlyyyyy. I can already see I won't feel ready enough until I'm 30 or so. Although I'm going to be 23 in 2 days- I still have to practice so many skillsets ajshajsjaksnaksnksks *explodes* but I shall avoid spiralling in my thoughts.

I think I appreciate games so much more now, I still want to try out a bunch of them. But I firstly have to work on some swtd related projects. I'm definitely planning on making a big analysis video next year, which sounds terrifying, I need to practice talking in recordings first. ;a; But I can't forget to visit events too, I need to try out so much stuff;;;;

Okay before I ramble on endlessly... Just, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

@thechineseroom-brighton @wearesecretmode

I hope it's okay if I tag, I know I talk like a river at times, but since I'm a very emotional human being I usually like sharing my thoughts.

I wish the the fandom and devs a Merry Christmas and a great start to the New Year. May everyone heal from past wounds and form new positive memories.

Have this drawing of my OC Kirsten holding bird Roper in his arms.

[andreafmn]

12 Days of Ficmas ❅ Day 1

Word Count: 4.8K Paring:  Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader Prompt @alloftheprompts: Character A and Character B broke up but now they meet at a Christmas party.

Summary: In unpredictable Beacon Hills, Stiles and (Y/N) being together was one of the only things that made sense. But sometimes the smallest of changes can create the biggest of chaos. And a simple college admission letter can do just that. Maybe all it takes is the right Christmas gift to make things better.

A/N: yup, that's right, I'm doing 12 Days of Ficmas again (even if I haven't finished Kinktober 🫣🫣 but I am nothing if not a masochist (and a slight procrastinator) But enjoy!! This story actually made me tear up, honestly. But it wouldn't be one of my stories if there wasn't an insane amount of angst 😅 Also, disclaimer, I have not seen the last two seasons of Teen Wolf or the movie so, sorry for any inconsistencies.

Next ->

“Let’s just get this over with,” (Y/N) sighed as she fixed the Santa hat on top of her head. “They don’t have to know yet.”

“Yeah,” Stiles grimaced. “It’s better to wait until after the holidays, I guess.”

It was the first time Stiles and (Y/N) had ever been terrified to enter Scott’s house and face all of their friends. Even worse, they had to pretend everything was fine between them. 

Since they were little, the pair had been inseparable. Being next-door neighbors allowed them to grow close at a rapid pace. It was in her that he found solace on the nights his mother’s illness would take the best of her mind. He would run over to her house and climb the lattice that ran all the way up to her room. 

And she wouldn’t ask questions. (Y/N) would simply let him in through her window and distract him until he eventually drifted off to sleep. She did not need any explanations or reasons to comfort Stiles. She simply knew he needed her, and so she was there for him. Because if there was anything she knew of, it was the pain of slowly losing a parent.

They shared a bond that no one could break. Even as Scott entered their duo and they became the perfect trio, Stiles and (Y/N) shared a connection like no other. So, it came as no surprise to anyone when they got together. Even after Stiles had continuously professed his love for Lydia. Even after (Y/N) and Boyd had a quick fling. Everyone knew that it would be the two of them at the end of the day. 

What no one expected was that one day, they wouldn’t be Stiles and (Y/N) anymore. Hell, not even they had seen it coming. 

Their downfall had begun the second week of December. For some reason, the couple had not spoken about what happened after high school. In their senior year, they were focusing on the present, leaving the future where it was. Because what they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them. 

(Y/N) had applied under early action to various colleges, thinking nothing of it. But there was one college that had been her dream since her father had passed, and that was her only early decision application. She had worked every day since to make sure she was at least close to being accepted. But it was never a sure thing. 

She had promised herself to put it in the back of her mind. Stressing over that envelope would only drive her into madness. As much as she wanted it to be true, she knew the reality of the situation. The chances she could ever get in, much less with a full ride, were slim to none. And hoping only made things worse.

Still, that hadn’t stopped her from applying; it hadn’t stopped her from wishing. 

“Honey,” her mother had said one afternoon after she got home from school. “Look what came in the mail.” 

In her hands, there was a white manila envelope with blue lettering that clearly read: University of Oxford. 

(Y/N) could have sworn she could feel her heart in her throat, beating at an unnatural pace and threatening to leap out of her body. She crossed the distance between her front door to the kitchen faster than she had ever done before, needing to feel the paper in her hands. Only seeing it was not proof enough that it was real. 

“I don’t think I can open it,” the girl worried. “What if it’s bad, mom?”

“You won’t know unless you see, my darling,” she smiled softly. “But no matter what, you will still be the most impressive young lady I have known. And any college would be lucky to have you.”

With trembling hands, she broke open the envelope and pulled out a beautiful and crisp piece of white paper. “Dear (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” she read before taking a steadying breath. “It is with greatest pleasure that we inform you that the Admissions Comittee has decided to offer you admission to Oxford University through our binding Early Decision (ED) option on a full scholarship.”

As (Y/N) read those words, tears spilled from her eyes, and the papers fell from her hands. Her mother wrapped her arms tightly around her, showering her with words of love and encouragement. It had been everything she had worked for. Something not even the supernaturals of the world could take from her. 

“You’re going to Oxford, baby girl,” her mother cooed. “I knew you could. Your dad would have been just as proud as I am.” 

That moment should have been the happiest in her life so far. But there was a dark cloud that lingered over her as she celebrated. She had not told anyone she was applying to a college so far away, much less the reason she would be doing so. Mostly because she was terrified she wouldn’t get in. But part of her knew it was because she was leaving all her friends behind, leaving Stiles behind. And that was the hardest part. 

For the rest of the week, as she celebrated internally, she hid the biggest news of her life from all of her friends and the boy she had deemed the love of her life. Anyone would have thought she was the one harboring a secret supernatural life with the way she was guarding her secret. And, maybe it shouldn’t have been something she kept to herself. Maybe they would have all been excited for her and understood the reason for the distance. But something deep in her stopped her every single time. 

If her friends had noticed there was anything different from her demeanor, they didn’t say a thing. In the midst of final exams and the Christmas holidays soon approaching, everyone seemed to be stuck in their own heads. So, if they were in their heads, they couldn’t know there was something happening in hers.  

But that Friday night, at the same hour Stiles would always sneak in, (Y/N) knew there was no way she could continue to hide her secret any longer. 

“Come on,” he chuckled as he jumped onto her bed, holding his arms open. “Tell me what’s going on with you.” 

“What do you mean?” she said, forcing a smile. “Why do you say that?”

“You know you can’t lie to me. I may not have super hearing, but I can tell, (Y/N).” 

“Yeah,” she chuckled softly. “You know me too well.” 

“Of course I do,” he smiled as he crossed the distance between them and caressed the softness of her cheek. “Now, please, tell me what’s wrong?” 

That was it. That was the moment that had changed them, the moment that had broken them. 

(Y/N) took a steadying breath and took his hands in hers, focusing on the veins on his hands rather than his worried eyes. “I got a letter last week,” she started with a sigh. “I told you about all the colleges I had applied to as early action.” 

“Of course, you bright mind, you,” he said. “Did you already start getting the acceptance letters?” 

“Uh, there’s another college I actually applied to. Early decision.”

“Like binding early decision?”

“Yeah, exactly,” she said, her voice trembling as she spoke. “I, uh, I applied to the University of Oxford. And I got in.”

Instead of embracing her, Stiles dropped her hands, taking a step away from her. “In England?” he asked as though he was offended. “Why would you wanna go that far?”

“It’s not about the distance,” she grimaced, finally meeting his hurt eyes. “It’s about what that school means. That’s where my dad went to school. That’s the place my parents met. That was the school that started my entire life, Stiles.” 

“So, why didn’t you tell me about it? If it was so damn important, why did you never mention it?” Stiles seethed, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “You wanna start a new life, is that it? Follow in your parents’ footsteps and meet the love of your life there? Great, (Y/N). And you made sure you did it in a way you couldn’t back out.”

“Stiles, that’s not…”

“So, what? Were you gonna wait until graduation to tell me that you were moving halfway across the world to get away from us? From me?” the boy cried. “Or were you simply going to disappear and start a new life without telling anyone? But I guess that’s your thing now, huh? Keeping big shit like this until you can’t anymore.”

“That’s not fair, Stiles,” she frowned, hugging her arms tightly across her torso. “I didn’t want to get my hopes up, so I didn’t say anything. That doesn’t mean that I would have never told you about it. I’m not looking to escape. I’m looking to start my future.” 

“And it looks like you were starting it without me then,” he croaked. “What does that mean for us, (Y/N)? We ride it out until graduation, and then you leave for the rest of your life?” 

“I don’t… you wanna b-break up?” 

“It’s inevitable now, isn’t it?” Stiles said in a tone that broke her more than the words he was speaking. “You’re gonna be in England, and I’m gonna be god knows where. It’s better just to do it now.” 

That night was nothing like she had imagined it would be. She had hoped Stiles would have been excited for her and promised her everything would be alright. That somehow he would have the answers to how they could withstand so much distance because they had to make it. Out of everyone in their friend group, those two had to make it. 

Instead, it had taken a turn for the worse. One second, Stiles was standing before her with a smile on his face, and the next, he was leaving through her window with tears streaming down his face. What she had most been dreading was that scenario to play out, and a week before their friend’s holiday party, it had. They had gone through life-threatening and mind-boggling situations, but it was a college acceptance letter that broke them apart. 

The coming days (Y/N) spent buried in bed. Although she should have been celebrating one of her biggest achievements –other than saving lives and defeating many, many creatures– she had wasted more tears during that time than she had done the past years of her life. She was distraught and defeated, and she had no idea how she would make it through the last semester of high school, much less how she would have made it through a Christmas party. 

Somehow, they had arrived at Scott’s house at the same time, even after she had made sure she left twenty minutes after Stiles. The universe liked to play its mean tricks, but that one was almost unforgivable. 

“Let’s just try to stay out of each other’s way,” he grimaced. “The less we are near each other, the harder it’ll be for them to find out.” 

“Harder to find out what?” Scott asked as he swung the front door open, his signature goofy grin stretched across his mouth. Instinctively, Stiles draped his arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders and smiled brightly. “Ooh, did you bring your brownies, (Y/N)?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “Still warm from the oven.” 

“Wouldn’t be a party without them,” Stiles commented. “Now, let us in. It’s kinda cold out tonight.” 

The second they were inside, Stiles broke for the living room while (Y/N) moved to the kitchen with Scott. She set the tray on the overfilled kitchen island, noticing to the side that the dinner table was perfectly set up. “Oh, the table looks nice,” she commented. “But I thought we’d be doing something more low-key.” 

“Yeah,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Lydia thought it’d be fun to do a more grown-up dinner party.” 

“Yeah. Place settings and everything.” 

“We were waiting for you guys to start eating,” he said. “We’re doing gifts after.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Slowly, the rest of the group trickled into the kitchen, greeting and hugging (Y/N) as they looked over all the food and served themselves their plates. And, of course, her seat was right next to Stiles’. Even if she had wanted to sit anywhere else, the rest had already taken their assigned seats, and the only open spot was the one that had her name. 

She gave her ex-boyfriend a small smile, looking anywhere but into the brown of his eyes. Her heart beat against her chest, threatening to jump out of her body. It made her fidgety as everyone ate, thinking any of the wereanimals around her would be able to tell how she was feeling. 

But Scott was laughing with Stiles, Malia was talking to Lydia, and Hayden, Liam, and Mason had their own conversation running. (Y/N) was all by herself. She was surrounded by all the people she loved, but it was the loneliest she had felt in a long time. Without the usual comforting words from Stiles, she couldn’t help but feel so out of place. It was the happiest time of the year, but the girl was miserable, and it hurt that it didn’t seem like the boy she loved was sad as well. 

“Alright,” Lydia spoke up as everyone ignored their mostly empty plates. “Now that our bellies are full, I think it’s time for Secret Santa! And I truly hope you all kept it a secret this time.” 

“Not that it’d matter anyway,” Liam chuckled. “We all know we ask for help every time.” 

“Anyways,” she said, ignoring the soft laughter that erupted from the group. “Let’s go to the living room, and (Y/N) you’ll go first.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” she smiled as she followed the group into the living room. She crouched under the decorated Christmas tree, pulling out the gift that had been there for almost two weeks. “I got Lydia.” 

“How wonderful!” the redhead mused, quick to hug her friend and rip away the wrapping paper. Inside the gift box was a mosaic picture of Lydia, Allison, and (Y/N), the first time they had finally considered each other friends. “Oh, it’s beautiful! I wish I could take it with me everywhere.” 

“It was hard to get it just right, but I loved how it turned out.” 

“It’s perfect, (Y/N),” she beamed. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I love you, Lids.” 

“Love you too,” the girl said as she wrapped her friend in a tighter hug. “My turn!”

Lydia had gifted Liam nine books out of his TBR list —nine because of his lacrosse number. Then, Liam gifted Scott a new leather jacket so he could “actually look cool when riding his motorcycle,” Liam snickered. Scott then gifted Malia a light blue hoodie to add to her ever-growing collection, while Malia gifted Hayden a journal and pen set, saying it was for when her mind felt too busy. After a warm smile and a hug, she announced her gift was for Mason, laughing as he pulled out an ugly cat sweater. Once the loud laughter subsided, Mason gifted Stiles a massage mat for his Jeep. 

“For when you’re taking really long drives,” the boy smiled, clearly proud of himself. “There’s quite some distance between here and D.C. It’ll come in handy.” 

“Yeah,” he chuckled as he hugged Mason. “Thanks, man. It’s great.” 

“Don’t mention it.”

As Mason sat back down, Stiles cleared his throat as he pulled the last gift. Everyone knew by then who it was for. There was no one else left. “Well, I guess you all know who this is for,” he said. “I hope you like it, (Y/N).” 

The girl received the bag with a soft smile, trying her best to swallow the tears that were threatening to spill. She had forgotten for a second how cruel the universe could be. She pulled out the white tissue paper first before finding a beautiful brown bear dressed in a blue knit sweater. Around its neck, there was a necklace with something she could only assume was a soundwave. With curiosity washing over her, she looked to Stiles for an explanation. 

“Uh, so, it’ll make a lot more sense if you press the bear’s hand,” he stammered. Once she died as told, the sound broke her. From deep in the belly of the teddy bear, her father’s voice rang out, singing the words of “You Are My Sunshine.” There was not a single night when she was little that her father didn’t sing that to her, and even as she grew old for the lullaby, he would call her sunshine. “I got a recording from your mom of your dad singing the song when you were a baby,” Stiles spoke over the music. “And the necklace is the image of the soundwave of your dad calling you sunshine.” 

Tears had long since fallen down her cheeks, clutching the bear in her arms as though it was her own father. With her eyes closed, it was almost as though he was right there, singing to her. But it was what came after the song that shattered her. “You’re gonna do great things, (Y/N),” her father said through the bear. “I love you forever, my little sunshine.” 

At that moment, all she wanted to do was hug Stiles and kiss him like she had done a million times before. That was the boy she had fallen in love with. The one that cared and listened. The one that had made her heart race and her stomach turn into butterflies. She wanted to tell him she loved him and never let him go, but she couldn’t. Just like she could never do with her father. 

“I, uh,” she said as she stood from the couch, feeling as though she would faint in the crowded room. “I need some air.” 

(Y/N) stammered her way out of the living room and through the front door, only allowing herself to break down when she was at the end of the driveway. She fell to her knees and hugged the bear to her chest as she cried, letting the hurt that had accumulated over the years spill onto the pavement. In less than six months, she was going to walk into a new life halfway across the globe without the support of her father and now, without the support of Stiles. All alone. 

She should have been celebrating. She knew that. She should have been crying tears of joy and jumping into her love’s arms. Instead, it was the bear’s arms that she could feel. The softness of its fur, the sound of her father’s voice. 

Without even realizing it, she had begun singing along to the lullaby, sniffling between words as the tears didn’t relent. “You’re gonna do great things, (Y/N),” her father said once more through the bear. “I love you forever, my little sunshine.” 

“I love you too, dad,” she cried. 

“Hey,” his voice startled her. Through teary eyes, she looked up to find Stiles draping a jacket over her shoulders. He slid to the ground next to her, facing the house before them as she was now. “I’m sorry. I bought the gift weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure if I was still allowed to give it to you.” 

“No, it was… i-it was perfect,” she stammered, running her hand over the bear’s fur. “It’s just everything rushed over me. Like the breakup, the fact that I won’t be here next year, the fact that my dad won’t even see me gradua…”

Another string of sobs ransacked (Y/N)’s body, but that time it wasn’t the bear she was hugging. Stiles had wrapped his arms around her, pressing her into his chest. She could smell his cologne and feel his warmth, a feeling she had missed for the past seven days. All she wanted was to melt into his touch and profess to him all that she felt. But she couldn’t. Not anymore. Because he didn’t want it. 

“I didn’t want things to be this way,” she cried into his chest. “I didn’t want everything to fall apart.” 

Stiles remained quiet as she cried, a hard feat for someone like him. But he let her cry and cry until only quiet sniffles filled the air. Because he hadn’t wanted things to be that way either. 

He knew he had overreacted. When he had told (Y/N) his plans of enrolling in George Washington University all the way across the county, she had told him they could make it work. Especially if she got into any of the ivy leagues she had applied to on the East Coast. It had been fine. Hell, it had been perfect. 

But when she told him that she wouldn’t just be a couple of states away but that she would be on another continent, he couldn’t help but let his abandonment issues take control. 

He knew she was brilliant. He knew she deserved to do and be all that she had dreamed. But he feared that once she achieved all of her goals, he would just not fit into her life anymore. 

“You’re gonna go on to do great things, (Y/N),” he sighed sadly as her tears stopped. “You’re gonna go to Oxford, just like your parents, and you’re gonna probably graduate at the top of your class on your way. And I’ll be here —well, in Washington, technically—cheering you on.”

“But why couldn’t we be great together, Stiles? We couldn’t we both go on to do great things, together?”

“Come on, (Y/N). Once you’re there, you’re gonna meet so many people, and you’ll have guys falling on their knees for you,” he chuckled dryly. “I won’t fit into your new world. I mean, you said it yourself: that’s where your parents met and your life began. And now, maybe you’ll have a new beginning. And years from today, we’ll run into each other, and you’ll tell me about your job and your husband and your kids, and I’ll be so happy for you. Because you serve all the love and happiness in the world, even if it’s without me.”

“Have you even asked yourself if that’s what I want?” (Y/N) asked as she left his warm embrace, her red eyes boring into his. “I’m not leaving because I’m searching for a new life. I want to go to Oxford because it’s one of the last things I can share with my dad. I can walk down the same halls he did, I can take classes in the same classrooms, and eat at the same places he did. But I was always going to come back, Stiles. Because my friends are here, my mom is here, because you are here. I don’t want to run into you and talk about another man or the kids I would have with him. I don’t want to run into you at all. I want to walk beside you, Stiles. If I ever have kids, it’s only if they’re a part of you too,” she cried, fresh tears falling down her already-stained cheeks. “If you don’t love me anymore, then fine. I can understand that, and I can walk away. But don’t you dare say that you wouldn’t fit into my life because you’ve been there longer than anyone I know, and I need you to be there until the end. Because I already lost someone important to me and I can’t lose you too. Not you.” 

“(Y/N), I don’t want to lose you either,” he sobbed. “But how can we fight with the distance? How could we ever withstand the fact that we’ll be an ocean away?”

“We have gone through worse battles than a plane ride, Stiles. We have been on the brink of death more times this past year than any person would in their lifetime. Do you really think being in a different time zone is the limit to our relationship? I know the future isn’t promised but you were the one person I always knew would be there.”

“I’m scared, okay?! I’m scared that you’ll meet someone better than me, (Y/N). I’m terrified that you’ll realize that maybe I’m not the guy that can give you your happy ever after,” he finally confessed. His voice croaked, and his chest heaved as the words fell out of his mouth faster than he could ever stop them. “This week has been torture without you. But it’s made me realize that Beacon Hills has always been too small for you. After May, you’re gonna go out there and find your place. And this town will be nothing but a memory you’ll come back to.”

“There is no one better for me than you, Stiles, and Beacon Hills will always be my home,” she replied softly. Her cold hand found his cheek, and she wiped away his tears with her thumb. “I don’t want to know a life where you’re not there. You can’t give up on us without even trying, Stiles. You just can’t.” 

Without thinking twice, (Y/N) crashed her lips onto his, sinking into the warmth of his mouth. After a week, kissing him felt like the very first time. It was desperate and filled with need —the need for closeness and passion, the need for love. Instinctively, Stiles’ hands found her waist and pulled her closer to him, wondering how he ever thought he could live without her touch. 

“I love you, Stiles, and I don’t even want to think about ever having to love someone else,” she whispered as she parted from him. “My heart belongs to you. And if this is the end, it’ll still remain in your hands.” 

“I couldn’t love anyone else like I love you, (Y/N),” he replied with a soft smile. “But I just can’t help the thoughts that flood my brain sometimes.” 

“Then don’t listen to them and listen to me when I say that since the moment I met you, I’ve known you were it for me. There is no other man waiting for me in Oxford. It’s you, and it will always be you,” (Y/N) said before kissing him softly once more. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me, Stiles Stilinski, and you’re the only thing that I want to keep happening to me.”

“I can’t believe I ever broke up with you. Especially during Christmas,” Stiles chuckled as he rested his forehead against hers, flicking the tip of her nose with his own. “It was honestly the worst week of my life.” 

“Including being possessed?” Scott’s voice startled them as he came into view. “Although, I get it because this was completely avoidable.”

(Y/N) chuckled as she took Scott’s extended hand and got on her feet, wiping away any tears that still remained. “Did you hear that whole thing?”

“More or less,” he chuckled. “It’s a bit hard not to when I was coming to see if you guys were okay.” 

“We’re good now, Scotty,” Stiles grinned. “Just had some unresolved feelings to work, though.” 

“Can you not mention the whole thing about the breakup? I don’t wanna make it a whole thing.”

“That’s a bit hard, (Y/N),” Malia called from the open front door. “We all kind of already know.”

“Oh, cool, great,” she said as she hid in Stile’s embrace. “That’s not embarrassing at all.”

“Eh, at least our parents are back together,” Liam commented. “Best Christmas present.” 

“It really is, huh?” Stiles whispered as he kissed the top of her head. 

“Yes. Very cute and adorable,” Lydia added in a desperate tone. “Now, can we go back inside before Hayden and Mason finish all the brownies?”

As the group walked back into the house, Stiles and (Y/N) shared one more moment together on the front porch. “Hey, look up,” Stiles said with a smile. “Mistletoe.”

“Funny that they’d hang that at a werewolf's home,” she chuckled. “Although, I’m pretty sure that one’s plastic.”

“And I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to kiss me.”

“Maybe I’m waiting for another guy to kiss under the plant.” Stiles frowned at her words, and all she could do was laugh. “Too soon?”

“Much,” he said. “Now, come here.”

He snaked his hands on either side of her face and kissed her passionately. He kissed her for every day they had spent apart. He kissed her for every hurtful word he had spewed. He kissed her as a promise of his love for her. Stiles kissed her like she was his future. 

Next ->

My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts  or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing If you’d like to be tagged in every 12DoF work, any fandom or story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

Taglist:@bellabadacadabra@winter-soldier-101@zheezs14@cevans-winchester @andreiafaaria @bluetreecloud20@sunshine2894@skyesthebomb@esposadomd@blueshoelaces@then-worship-at-my-altar@yuki254

@honeylovemoon @beckiej0073-blog @baebeepeach @cecehensonn @catgirlpwr@magimtz23@perle-noir22@adaydreamaway08@hufflepuffobsessedwithmarvel@thatgirljayy@sugasthreedollarkookie @laylaskywalker @fandomonetwo @fruitylilfuck @haroldpotterson@yaskna@elijahssuit@ellabellabus07@scarletdfox@halleest@sunflowerleii@shara-ne@nngkay @mar @saltedcoffeescotch @thecollectorofwords @gabi-princesada1d @zealouscookierebeltrash@sleepilysworld@laylasbunbunny@treatiseofselena @american-sataness @brittany-appleyard24 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187@ivory-raptor@euphoria1992 @hopexargent @druigsluver29 @fresita1218 @the-house-of-rose-and-ember@elizabeth916@heccatee@cerejinha

@caosfanblr @heartfilia01 @shadowwolfqueen @jinxxangel13 @arcaurix @cheshirecat484 @venusesworld

[anogete]

Hi. Update of random shit in case anyone cares.

The scary test I was stressed over in the fall when I was posting my last fic? It was the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) exam. Yes, I passed it. The designation requires a bachelor's degree, so I had to go back to school to finish my last 10 classes. Then I had to take 7 more classes that are pre-reqs for the exam. Then I spent probably 700 hours attempting to cram everything you could think of related to personal finance (my god, there is a metric shit ton) into my head. The designation also requires 5,000 hours of experience in the planning field (which I thankfully already had). By the time I passed the test, I was no longer proud of the accomplishment, just relieved to have it behind me.

Work was intensely busy in November and December. I got little reading and no writing done.

I have a WIP featuring the Darcy/Rumlow pairing that has been languishing on my computer since 2020. To be honest, I've mosty forgotten what the conflict driving the plot was going to be. I think I was trying to tie it into the events of Wandavision. Took place after the show and had Monica Rambeau and Darcy kinda sorta working together and trying to figure out what, if anything, crossing the barrier that Wanda had thrown up did to them. Of course, Rumlow is alive and scarred and back with the good guys. And also really annoyed that his recent gunshot wound stuck him on desk duty watching the nerds complete their physicals as part of employee onboarding. Darcy doesn't want to have gym class with Rumlow, and Rumlow doesn't want to be there either but he's also kinda into the sassy brunette who tried to sweet talk him into passing her without making her run a mile. In the chapter or two I did write, the banter between Darcy and Rumlow was so fun, so I'd love to go back to it and try to move it along.

I got sucked into reading Draco/Hermione fanfic recently. Blame those damn Snow edits from the latest Hunger Games movie. Guys, I have never read those books or seen the movies, but blonde Tom Blyth is looking like the fanfic Draco of my dreams. How dare. This rabbit hole led to me deciding I needed to write a Dramione piece. It's maybe 6 pages and has gone nowhere even though I have a vague idea of the plot. My muse is struggling.

I found my old folder of all the fic I wrote in the past 20 years. There are still a couple hockey fics I haven't posted to AO3. There are also Anita Blake fics (I was a hardcore Anita/Edward girlie) and Harry Potter fics (don't cancel me but I used to write Snape/Hermione; NO student/teacher stuff though). I think I have an old Doctor Who fic featuring Nine/Rose (yes, I'm a Nine girlie). And a very old Forgotten Realms fic that paired Catti-Brie up with Jarlaxle. Look, I don't know. It was ages ago. With the exception of the hockey fics, I do not think any of these are of the same quality I've posted on AO3, but I've been toying with the idea of trying to clean them up and posting them so more of my work is archived together instead of spread over various fan sites. Does anyone have any interest at all in reading this shit? Like, at all?

I decided 2024 is going to be my book binding era. I bound isthisselfcare's Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love a couple weeks ago. I did all the typesetting with the help of some macros. Printed it, folded the signatures (the booklets that comprise the book), sewed them together with waxed linen thread, glued the text block together with some mull, and used chip board and book cloth to make the case. It feels and looks like a book, y'all! I could do a better job with lining the signatures up when punching the holes for sewing and with the measurements on the case, but overall I am pretty proud of it. If anyone is interested, I can link a nice tutorial series on TT and/or post progress pictures I took during my book binding experiment. I have to say, it's exciting to have the ability to put my fav fanfics on my physical bookshelf.

[evilwickedme]

Ugh so. I last got new glasses somewhere around November/December 2021. Very shortly after, a little over a year ago, I literally fell straight on my face and the glasses bent severely - a technician or whatever they're called was able to get it more or less fine, but not exactly perfect, and it's always bothered me since (specifically above my left ear, where the frame presses against my skull, causing persistent pain). However, since glasses are super fucking expensive, I didn't buy new ones. Recently this prescription has also started giving me headaches, clearly indicating it is time for a new one. But I straight up cannot afford new glasses rn. I've discovered my insurance will subsidize a decent amount of the cost of a new pair at one specific store that is convenient for me anyway, but not enough to genuinely make a new pair affordable. So I'm just. Using my glasses less and less. Taking them off almost the moment I get home and using my phone super close to my face, which is terrible for my eyes but at least doesn't make my head hurt. I've also had a persistent migraine problem after a several month break from migraines - it's probably caused by recent high amounts of stress, such as the money troubles I've had over the last couple of months, but I don't think the glasses are helping.

Basically what I'm asking for here is... Money. There's a ko-fi linked in my linktree in my bio. Here's the thing - while I'd appreciate money for free, literally anything will help, I'm also absolutely willing to do commissions. I can write you poetry, a short fic for any fandom I'm familiar with (to be discussed on a case by case basis), hell I'll edit your school paper as long as it's in an area I have any knowledge on (or at least check it for typos). My DMs are open and you can feel free to send me a message once you've donated and we'll discuss. Commissions will get priority over my current wips, with the exception of the spider gwen fic which is supposed to be a reward for the blorbo bracket.

There is a target goal up on my ko-fi page of 350, but even if I get nowhere near that, I will take anything with me to get a new pair, probably in late June. It's just become unbearable.

I would, of course, appreciate a signal boost, although I don't want anybody to feel obligated. Please understand that you will see this post several times over the next few weeks, tho. Love y'all.

[lantur]

New Year's thoughts, (discussion of health-related issues under the read more)

I didn't write as much in December because of stress. I've been challenged in a major way by the development of a chronic health issue involving a tear in my digestive tract. It's been painful and frustrating, with multiple doctor's visits to get diagnosis and treatment figured out. Now that treatment has been figured out, it's just going to take time - this is the kind of thing where treatment/healing takes several weeks to months. :/

It was a tough way to close out the year and I didn't even really want to write about it because it sucks so much. I hate going to the doctor and getting treatments and being in pain.

I've also been dealing with some fertility treatment-related stuff. I started another cycle of Clomid last week, my first with this fertility clinic the ob-gyn referred me to. I had to have an ultrasound appointment last week, take pills, and I'll have to do another ultrasound appointment on Friday and give myself an ovulation trigger shot probably over this weekend. It all feels like an ordeal especially in conjunction with the other things happening. I'm hopeful that this December/January treatment cycle works, but it's too soon to tell and I won't know for weeks.

I told David last night that it's been weird - I'm normally very excited about New Year's, it's one of my favorite holidays, I love making resolutions and seeing how far I've come over the previous years. I haven't felt the hype this year, and I think it's because I'm nervous about the outcome of the fertility treatments and hoping to get some healing from the digestive tract issue.

My theme for 2024 was to trust the process and practice consistency for my major goals of weightlifting progress and Spanish education. I also started social work grad school. I think my theme for 2025 is going to be to put in the work, even though the work can be challenging. Show up for the doctor's appointments and incorporate my various treatments into my life. Keep working hard in school and get through a spring, summer, and fall semester. Try my best at my job.

It hasn't all been work. 2024 also brought me a lot of joy with David and Westin, getting to travel to the long-awaited destinations of Japan and Acadia National Park (with friends!), and just so many good times with friends and family in general. I hope that 2025 brings me more of that too, and I know it will.

I hope that 2025 is good to all of you. ❤️

[bloodgulchblog]

It occurs to me that I've actually had new people showing up in the uh, months. Since the last chapter. So.

ZITA, WHAT THE FUCK IS TOUCHSTONE?

Last December I was goofing around with friends on discord and ended up with the absurd idea of writing a oneshot where a supporting character from Halo 4 Spartan Ops has sex with Master Chief. Because this was so ridiculous and funny to me, both because Miller is a nobody character in Halo and Chief is one of the most impossible motherfuckers to write a sex oneshot about that feels remotely in-character, the project quickly grew in scope and got out of hand as I figured out it was fun to work on and it turned out to be a great place to do character study nonsense about Master Chief. (My favorite guy.)

Also, Roland keeps worming his way in there and writing about AIs is also really fun.

WHO IS MILLER/WAIT YOU MEAN MILLER ISN'T AN OC?

Miller is a Spartan-IV who tells you new waves of enemies are showing up for you to shoot in Spartan Ops. Also, he gets bullied alternately by Commander Palmer and Roland (the Infinity's AI, if you don't remember) a lot. Miller gets nervous easily and is trying so hard at all times. He is kind of endearing if you are endeared by characters that have powerful was-shoved-in-a-locker-in-high-school energy.

Also, once again, he is a whole entire fully-augmented, armored Spartan-IV and he mostly has a desk job calling out objectives and pulling in mission data for other Spartans. And that is hilarious to me.

CAN YOU PLEASE SUMMARIZE WHAT HAPPENS BECAUSE THE AO3 SUMMARY ISN'T ENOUGH FOR ME AND/OR I DON'T HAVE TIME BUT REALLY WANT TO KNOW

Understandable. Can do.

It's set between Halo 4 and Halo 5, during a point in time where the UNSC Infinity is in dry dock above Earth for a shit ton of maintenance it needed after Halo 4/Spartan Ops/Halo comics events. The story is actually like right before the start of Halo 5.

Chief's in a really bad place emotionally between 4 and 5, not just from the events of Halo 4 and the obvious death of Cortana but also because the world got weirder on him while he was dead (he's still not used to Spartan-IVs or the new status quo post-Covenant war) and because his ability to cope with stress and doing badly is finally hitting its limit. There's something wrong with him, his bosses know he's doing bad, and he can't seem to stop.

Spartan Command has decided that Blue Team needs to be assigned a consistent Spartan-IV mission handler for ops. This is standard procedure for all Spartan fireteams, but Blue Team was a special exception because they're Blue Team for a while. On its face, Blue Team being assigned a mission handler is just the Spartans standardizing Blue Team with how things work and it's not a slight. But the subtext that's obvious to everyone is something's wrong with Blue Team. (And that something is whatever is wrong with Master Chief.)

Miller's involved because Miller, as one of the Infinity's Spartan-IV mission handlers, is a candidate for the role. So, Miller is one of several people doing practice simulation ops with Blue Team to see how well they work together. During this, Miller develops a stupid little crush on Chief because Chief is just so damn impressive in an op and treats Miller with basic politeness and decency. It's the worst.

Meanwhile, Blue Team is planning to use the time over Earth as an opportunity to take some well-deserved time off. They're worried about Chief, and frustrated with him because he doesn't want to go on vacation with them. (Because, again, Chief is doing so so bad emotionally and it's a canon fact that he keeps refusing to take time off during this period.)

So. A situation develops where Miller kind of blurts out awkwardly hitting on Chief, and Chief thinks about it and decides to pursue. They're not dating, they're not boyfriends, this can't be a romance, but what if this is something he does to be nice to another person? Can he do that? Is it okay if he does that? Is this the final not-okay thing he does that will make his world crash apart and force him to fix himself the way he hasn't been able to make himself do this whole time?

Also, meanwhile, the B plot is Roland likes Miller a lot and doesn't communicate that well, keeps teasing him, and is surprised that he's not better friends with Miller. Roland is trying to befriend Miller better/more genuinely despite the absolute gold mine of teasing material (the whole Master Chief crush situation) he has been granted now.

I get to write a lot of fun things I enjoy writing: An anxious character struggling and trying not to embarrass himself, an AI living an AI existence and approaching the world in a weird AI way because he's not human, and Whatever The Fuck Is Wrong, Psychologically, With Master Chief (it's a lot it's so many things he's going through so much so badly.)

In short: Master Chief has a dumb little fling with an anxious Spartan nerd. It won't last, and it will be so weird and awkward, but it's about two people trying to be kind to one another in a way that matters for a short time while they can.

WOW THAT SOUNDS GREAT, WHERE IS IT?

Over here!

[nrcnewspaperclub]

[ Pomefiore Dorm ]

Caelum Estes

neka.cc link here

last updated: December 13th 2024

update log: 12/13/24 y’all I spelled Keir’s name wrong. Also, I forgot the TRIVIA section when I originally posted this, so I added that, too.

Bio

Japanese: ケイラム・エステス

Birthday: February 15 (Aquarius)

Age: 18

Height: 172 cm

Dominant Hand: Right

Homeland: Land of Pyroxene / Shaftlands

Family

Keir Estes (Maternal Grandfather)

Unnamed Older Brother

Unnamed Younger Sister

Unnamed Father and Mother

Voiced by: 

Other Name(s)

Monsieur ange (Rook)

Birdbrain (Nerei)

School

Grade: Junior/Third Year

Class: 3-D

Club: Newspaper Club (Leader)

Best Subject: Astrology

Preferences

Hobbies: embroidering

Pet-Peeves: spontaneous complaints

Favorite Food: raspberry sorbet

Least Favorite Food: caramel

Talent: memorizing sequences

“ The editor of NRC Weekly and leader of the Newspaper Club. He’s meticulous about everything he does, often to the point of losing sleep in his pursuit of perfection. ”

——————————

Appearance

Caelum is a fair skinned, freckled young man of average height. He has wavy, chin-length hair that is raven-black in color. He keeps his hair loose, his bangs falling into his face. His eyes are gray in color.

His most noticeable feature are the wings located behind his ears, a trait from his mother’s side of the family, which he can move at will.

Personality

Caelum is often described as ‘the sort of person you spill your guts to without thinking much about it,’ a notion he dislikes. This is corroborated in the Wish Upon a Star event, where Caelum’s wish is for people to stop spontaneously complaining to him about their lives.

However, he isn’t against helping others, he just doesn’t want people to assume he’ll let himself be dragged along based on previous instances of willing participation. Rather, he’d like for people to ask for his assistance or let him offer it of his own accord.

He is uncomfortable with expressing his emotions to most people, using his wings to conceal his face when he can’t keep a straight face.

Caelum is very meticulous when it comes to his work, setting high—and sometimes unrealistic—expectations for himself. He tends to spend his time off picking apart whatever flaws he sees in his work, sometimes going far into the night in his pursuit of ‘perfection.’ Still, he’s rarely satisfied with himself.

Caelum describes himself as having been ‘overly sensitive’ as a child, noting how he cried over someone he considered a friend—someone he can barely remember now—moving away after knowing them for just one month. He exhibits a continuous pattern of dismissing the value of his own emotions.

Background

Caelum is the second of three children, having both an older brother and younger sister. His older brother often kept to himself, showing his affection through handmade crafts. His younger sister was the complete opposite: outgoing, rambunctious, and very affectionate with her siblings.

Caelum developed an intense fear of deep and/or rushing water after he nearly drowned in a river as a child.

Caelum’s grandfather, Keir, taught Caelum healing magic, as well as basic divination techniques, at a young age. This seems to be the root of Caelum’s current proficiencies.

Trivia (new!)

Caelum refuses to let others touch his wings. He has slapped Rook’s hand away when he has tried in the past.

In his first year, Caelum hated Nerei with a burning passion.

Caelum hates any food that can stick to his teeth, stating that the feeling of it makes his skin crawl. This is especially the case with caramel.

Caelum gets frequent stress headaches, which sometimes turn into migraines.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for agreeing to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding even though I think she's making a huge mistake?

(Emojis so I recognize it 👰‍♀️💍🤵)

So my (24F) cousin Anna (21F) got engaged at the start of December. This was really surprising to me because the last time I saw her at Thanksgiving she was just starting to get back into dating via tinder after a couple bad breakups, and she wasn't actively seeing anyone yet. When I got home for Christmas break, my mother told me that Anna had gotten engaged to and moved in with her new boyfriend, Evan (~22/23M), an army guy she'd met three weeks before and that no one but her immediate family had even met yet.

Our family has always been pretty close, and this was concerning for a lot of reasons. 1) she literally just had a nasty breakup with her rebound boyfriend after a nasty breakup with her last long-term relationship, making this guy her 4th serious boyfriend this year, 2) she historically has very bad taste in men, every boyfriend she has ever had had treated her horribly and she ties her entire self-worth up into how her boyfriend sees her so she's literally never been single for more than a couple weeks since high school, 3) her older sister (28F) literally just left a 13 year abusive relationship with the guy who started grooming her when she was 15 and he was 28, 4) the groom is about to ship out for a 9 month deployment a month after their March wedding and military men are notorious for cheating or divorcing on long deployments, 5) she wants her dream wedding in March (giving us only 2 months to plan and fundraise), despite her parents already being in tight financial straits bc they started building a house right before unexpectedly needing to take in and help provide for their eldest daughter and her two kids and both my grandparents (who live with them) having sudden drops in their health to the point where my grandfather probably will pass in the next couple months and my grandmother could pass at any time (though tbf, were pretty sure no one has told Anna this since my grandparents don't want to scare her and her mom's in denial).

I also just really don't like the groom bc the one time I met him he made a ton of racist and homophobic jokes despite there being multiple black and queer family members present, but if that were the only thing I could probably bite my tongue since I don't think that's something that bothers her or anyone else in the family. I'm just really worried about her, since it seems like she's been going through something for a while and I know how hard this is on my whole family, especially my grandparents, since we all are really scared about what's going to happen to her if things go wrong and considering the circumstances, that's a good chance this will go wrong.

I want to make it clear, I do really want this to work out for her. She's head over heels in love and he seems to care about her too. I just don't expect it to go well and I've said as much to anyone who asked how I feel about it.

Here's where I could be the asshole: Anna's really having a hard time with the entire family telling her this is a bad and impulsive idea, feeling like everyone who has a problem with it isn't supporting her. She called and asked me to be a bridesmaid, specifically because "you've always looked out for and supported me even when no one else did, so I really want you to be my bridesmaid." I told her I would love to be there and support her however she wanted me to, and I fully intend to be the best bridesmaid I can be because I want this to be a happy memory for her and to take as much stress off her and her parents as possible. But now she thinks I support this marriage when I definitely don't and have been open about that with both our moms as well as her sister (the maid of honor), my SIL (also a bridesmaid), and my brother (a groomsman), all of whom are in the same boat.

So, am I the asshole for agreeing to be my cousin's bridesmaid while thinking she's making a big mistake?

What are these acronyms?

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

♡Weekly Chronicles♡

December 15,2023

Hey babes! This week was amazing I am so happy I have created this blog I love being a blogger. I've wanted to create one for yearssss but I never got the time to do it and didn't know what to base my blog on. I love seeing other girlies on the same journey of self-improvement<3.

♡Education♡

The semester is officially over for me on Saturday I am so excited I need this break because school in general can be so stressful and I need this time to relax and pour into myself more I'll probably be uploading here more frequently while on break. 

♡Mental♡ 

I started antidepressants a little over a month ago and have been loving my journey on them my mind is clearer and I don't feel that little gray cloud following me anymore. I am present and not constantly worrying about others and things that I can't control. This is my first time using medication to finally have control over my mental health. Other than that my mental health has been so good. If you deal with seasonal depression you got this girl it's tough. Trust me I get it I've dealt with seasonal depression and anxiety for years and my inbox is always open for a chat but I ask before you tell me your problems ask how I'm feeling in the moment <3

♡Physical♡

I have been super consistent with my diet! Eating clean and working out every day I have been lifting 3 times a week. I didn't get to lift today because I am currently at work while typing this lol but I will make up for it by lifting tomorrow. I am currently fasting trying to make up fasts from Ramadan before Ramadan comes around again in March and I'm not going to lieeee it has been helping me look extra snatched now! Like I woke up looking in the mirror like yesss but fasting has so many benefits besides keeping you snatched it helps a lot internally as well. I recently ordered some items for my gut health journey and it's at the post office so I'm going to pick it up tomorrow super excited! This is unrelated but last night I didn't want to get out of bed to do my nightly skincare routine but I forced myself to remember my goals so I'm proud of that.

♡Hobbies♡

I have been consistent with my Italian lessons on Duolingo which I highlyyyy recommend for anyone trying to learn a new language the way its set up is perfect for me with the colors and drawing it feels like a game to me lol. I haven't been reading like I was supposed to I think I only read 2 times this week that’s super baddd I need to stay on top of it. I have been blogging consistently and I love seeing you girlies reflagging and hearting my content it means a lot and I def need to do a Q&A I’ll drop one next week for sure. I want to invest in soap making as a new hobby for me it looks like so much fun! 

♡Plans For The Weekend♡

I have a trip coming up next week I'm going to Maryland for a convention with a couple of friends from the 23 to the 27. I am super excited it's going to be so much fun. So this weekend I'm getting a lot of things together. I have to look for a few of my outfits for my trip and I'm waiting for my shoes to come. Also, I have my final this Saturday and an appointment with my OBGYN ladies don’t forget to book appointments for your check-ups your inner health is super important please take care of yourselves!

This was this week's little journal entrieee not that much occurs in my life but I still love the little update I gave you ladiesss. Comment your plans this weekend and how did your week go?

[brb-on-a-quest]

Day Fourteen Day Fifteen Day Sixteen

im SOOOOO SORRY that I left you guys hanging those two days! *cries* the first one I genuinely forget, and the second I was too busy to do it- and I think that this is not the first time this might happen, since the farm (oh yeah, if you're not one of my regular followers, you should know I'm a farmhand lol) is picking up steam, during my down time Im trying to do more physical rest for my body to recover. which means unfortuantely, Ive been spending less time on here in general, and that my longer posts that take more time to write have had to pause for a while.

so, I'm sorry to say but this is the last day i'll be able to do this for a while, but maybe forever. I've had so much fun with it and loved to see everybody's different answers, and how we've all connected!! but for at least a few days/weeks, I need a bit of a break lol. if anyone wants to pick up this game again, with the same list of people I've given already or different ones, you are more than welcome to! and I'm not leaving Tumblr, I'm just not going to do this particular ask game anymore.

our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

thank all of you so much! I hope to return again maybe sometime! I wish you all the best :)

Awww no worries gracie! take care of yourself first. Def appreciate all the work it must've taken to come up with good questions. I'll be sure to haunt your inbox soon with hopefully some equally thought-provoking (or not) questions.

ok, actual question: our final question: what is something that you you want in your life, and what can you do to achieve it? what steps do you need to take to earn the life you see yourself living?

To be honest, this question has haunted me for the past...well since before high school. (has it really been almost 10 years since I was a baby highschool freshman?). To be also perfectly honest, my depression and anxiety were so bad I was never convinced I would make it as far as I did... which allowed me to put off answering the question for a long while until the Hour of College Applications approached.

Well, against all previous conceptions of my future, I am still alive and about to graduate in December (literally how) and set to walk across the beautiful stage in May to get my undergrad diploma with some kind of academic honors (I forget the Latin for it). Definitely not the highest GPA, but I am relatively proud of myself considering the effort and, for lack of a better phrase, blood, sweat, and tears that have gone into this. So, steps that need to happen in order to graduate

Pass classes (Preferably with A's but I'm also in a position where hopefully my self-esteem won't die with a B or 2).

Write and Finish my thesis (shaking crying throwing up I don't have enough capacity for this even if it's only 15 pages in Spanish)

Study and hopefully pass a GRE (graduate school readiness exam I think? 'cuz I'm told it's a good idea for master's school applications I can not stress enough how much I hate standardized tests and am so anxious about this that I haven't even opened my books yet, I've just been throwing myself into thesis research instead; I 'know not all schools require this but I'm going into something that's not my major, so I feel some kind of need to prove myself).

Apply to graduate schools for counseling!

Only four things... it shouldn't be so bad.... one would think... (can I please just skip to the part where this is over why do people call college the best years of my life).

The other thing I want to work on is just being a better person and in particular a better friend. My goal is therapy, particularly pediatric therapy because it's such a neglected area where I'm from and also in general I think because there tends to be stereotypes of "oh children can't have mental health problems." but doing that means I want to develop more compassion, friendliness, and patience and gentleness and actual listening skills while being assertive...yk an environment that nurtures personal and other's growth. Which is really hard. Progress has been made but still more to go.

[cringebro]

Anyway have a childish rant abt a topic not all that important but I wanna complain

What do yall think abt my exams starting on the 30th and going on til January 10

Might I add Im Turkish so we dont even celebrate Christmas and we celebrate New Years like Christmas

Im gonna return from my history and religion exams that probably went horrible on tuesday, probably still stressing over the result of the chemistry exam that was in monday, gonna be worried for my English exams cuz Im used to getting 100 from English but in the last exams I got 97 and 96 which made me question my abilities (ik I sound so nerdy but I swear im only like this for English), and then boom boom boom more exams

Atleast they were kind enough to make tuesday (December 31) a half day and wednesday (January 1) no school

Also sucks that the religion exam is replacing art class and my art club is on wednesdays so Im missing both and cant even relax while drawing

And then in the second week art class is getting replaced by another English exam

I just cant have a damn break

Might I add my last exams ended in November 8

And we had a shit ton of performance tasks while, before, and after the exams

Really no break

[krystella-shifts]

Hey! Over my winter break last year I've been trying to revise i already took my a&p II class (im a nursing student) ( that i failed and withdrew from) so I'd have the schedule I created for my spring semester and still be able to graduate in 2027. But my semester has started and now I'm being told that since I wasn't able to go to a different college to take the class ( I was hoping my revision would work so I didn't bother contacting other schools during break since I was determined it would come through) I now have to pick up a minor and stay in school and extra year. And that year I was told no financial aid will be provided and I would have to pay possibly thousands out of pocket. I'm so frustrated that my other classmates are advancing while I'm falling behind. (I don't care about any of them even the friends I thought I had who are in dane major have abandoned me, im in my second year and have been lonely with no friends or support since I started attending, I even hate the school im going too and have been wish I went to community college instead)

This is the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen, im trying to keep my head by still affirming I already passed the class (I can't really visualize yet found out affirming works as well) but it's stressing me tf out that what I'm seeing outside of me isn't lining up from within me. I really don't wanna stay an extra year, my plan was to graduate 2027 not 2028 with people a year below me. I'm so lost and not sure what to do. I've even scripted a certain scenario that I never received emails that I've failed my anatomy class and have to withdraw to save my GPA.

I also made a list of so many other things I want to manifest, I've been affirming non stop and still to thus day I haven't been able to check one thing of my list. It's even sadder since I made it last December with the hopes of getting everything I want before 2025. I'm just stuck, I've broke down countless times, and I'm so angry and disappointed in myself, I've been blaming myself for allowing this to happen. I just want my life to change for the better, im tired of feeling this way, I can easily affirm that I see a specific car color everyday and I do see it everyday, yet my most important and mostly wanted desire are still not here.

Im sorry this is so long, I've been so numb this past few days and have been getting upset at everything my appearance, life, and so much more. I just want my dream life I've wanting for the past 5 years.

Thank You

I know what you're going through is a lot but please understand that the world you are seeing is a reflection of your mind. Are you forgetting the unfavorable circumstances that happened and only remembering favourable ones(that you revised)? And even if you think about "what happened" about those emails and all remember it's not real it's just a thought and you create your reality. Another thing you can try is sats it works fast cuz we are more connected to our subconscious right before sleep and also you don't have to worry about too much what you think during the day. Just reply the favourable scenario over and over during sats (or whenever you think about school or anything related).

Catch yourself before you fall into past assumptions, the old story.

Which doesn't have to be true at all.

[collabwithmyself]

I THINK I FINALLY HAVE A ROUGH TIMELINE FOR GUTG. I'll have to refine it as time goes on, and make notes on what specific character establishment and development I want to happen during certain story beats. I'm also missing details like. Constant hints and references to backstory, and Akiko's relationship with their guidance counselor, and the hints Ayaka is the narrator, but this is the gist.

Act 1 Part 1

Mid to late December, establishes main characters

Akiko and Hito live together, Akiko hides how they struggle in school from Hito

Akiko sees ghosts but avoids them, especially the bus stop ghost

Jackie and Hito are friends and in a relationship

Jackie and Emi are on friendly terms but Emi and Hito are not

Jackie has been trying to help Ko for a while

Ends on New Year's Day with Aoi's death

Act 1 Part 2

Early January, establishes Hito and Akiko's emotions about the passing of Aoi

Akiko anchors Aoi but doesn't bring this up to Hito

Hito avoids talking about things with both Akiko and Jackie

Tension rises between Emi and Hito with Hito's stress

Aoi's bitter and distant, openly hating Hito and thinly veiling her disgust towards Akiko

Act 2 Part 1

Mid January, more solid establishment of backstory

Akiko meets Ayaka and they vaguely reveal their respective abilities to each other, Ayaka asks Akiko to look for the ghost of her sibling

Jackie gets arrested and Hito has to look after Ko for her while she awaits her court date, Hito learns about Ko's insecurities and his reluctance to trust Jackie

Hito picks up Jackie after she's exonerated and learns about the pressure on her and her bellementum powers

Learning about the arrest spurs Aoi to tell Akiko about Jester, who they want answers from

Act 2 Part 2

Late January, establishes powers and villain motivations

Emi and Jackie bond over Jackie's arrest and how they'd fret over their kids if anything happened to them

Akiko is on the search for Ayaka's sibling and ironically fails to realize who Ko is when they meet

Hito is getting concerned about Akiko's distance and also too attached to Jackie, he breaks up with her and spills his concerns

Akiko and Aoi track down Jester, but Aoi murders him in his cell while Akiko can't see her

When Akiko sees the news they and Aoi get into an argument, Aoi possesses Akiko right before Hito can have a heart to heart with them

Act 3 Part 1

February and March, consequences of Aoi's actions

Hito is increasingly nervous and everyone picks up on it, showing concern to various degrees

He winds up spending a lot more time with Jackie and Ko, reluctant to go home and dodging questions about how Akiko is

Akiko is struggling even worse in school and doesn't know why their father is avoiding them, all they can turn to is Aoi

Searches for Ayaka's sibling end up with them in precarious positions and not knowing how they got there

Temperature at the Bottom Dollar is getting colder

Aoi is even more openly antagonistic and aggressive

Act 3 Part 2

Late March. Oh yeah. It's all coming together.

Emi snapping at Hito causes him to have a public breakdown, and he talks to Jackie about who Emi and Nori are, unaware Ko and Akiko are eavesdropping

Akiko decides to take Ko home to get answers, prompting a horrified reaction from the narrator, who's finally revealed to be Ayaka using her powers

The Sasakis and the Uchiyamas wind up in a fight with Emi dead and her ghost setting the house on fire

Jackie and Hito notice the kids are missing and track them down with the help of the bus stop ghost Akiko's mostly ignored throughout the story

They save the kids from the house fire, but Aoi possesses Akiko one last time and Hito has to exorcise her

Jackie and Hito bring the kids home to patch them up and discuss how to move forward

Hito and Akiko finally talk about what Aoi did to them both and resolve to work towards reconciliation