#also contender for the Worst Names

[ummmuhhidk]

you get it perfectly. like this is my exact take on each and every name. HEAVY on the eustace thing btw like hey dont call him useless ,, :(

everyone called Nicole being named Tabitha/Tabby Lloyd. like that one was very very obvious but that's typical Ace Attorney witness shit. that's perfectly fine. Fifi Leguarde works. i can see why you can look at Patricia and go "that's a Fifi right there". Bodhidharma Kanis is pretty cool i won't lie. Eddie Fender is another typical Ace Attorney pun name but i think me and other people were mostly upset by giving such a major character that we're mostly meant to take seriously that sort of name. it's like if Maya was named Spira Chanelur. Verity Gavélle is also pretty cool. Simeon Saint is also fine, not what i would've gone with but it's fine. i get the thought process. and Eustace Winner and Bronco Knight is truly just such a fucking disservice to both of them. have they not already suffered enough

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for @definitelynotaminion; Clark panic-adopts his teenage clones (yes, including the supervillain one). (( chrono || non-chrono ))

So apparently the fortress is not Superman’s home, or at least not “Clark Kent’s”. Match cannot imagine why Superman doesn’t live at his secure and isolated base, but also apparently Superman is insane and stupid, so that probably has something to do with it. 

Apparently where Superman does live is–

“Are we in Kansas,” Match asks, more incredulous than anything. 

“Uh, maybe?” Thirteen winces. 

“What is actually wrong with Superman?” Match asks suspiciously. “I don’t have X-ray vision yet, I can’t check for brain damage.” 

“Nothing’s wrong with him, asshole,” Thirteen says defensively. Match gives him an unconvinced look. “It’s not, oh my god! And who even told you we’re gonna get X-ray vision?” 

Match doesn’t even validate that nonsense with a response. He glances down at the rolling fields below and the long stretch of distant highway too far away to see more than the faint impression of passing cars, and then looks at the back of Superman’s cape whipping in the wind as he flies ahead of them in the air, maybe a hundred feet or so ahead. He could hear them clear as a bell from that distance, obviously, even with the high-altitude wind to contend with, but Match isn’t concerned about it. Why would Superman care what they were saying, after all? 

Match doubts he’s even listening to them at all. 

Superman drops into a descent. Match is skeptical about why he would, given there’s literally nothing but farmland and roads for miles, and maybe a few scattered barns. Nothing else even noticeable, much less interesting. 

Superman said “home”, and inexplicably didn’t mean his secure and stable and thoroughly-protected fortress. Random barns do not seem like any kind of an improvement on that, pretentiously-named or not. 

Match supposes there might be something underground through a concealed entrance, or maybe a hidden zeta tube or something similar. Well–that seems likelier, really, so it must be something like that, but . . . 

Well, it’s not as if Superman should have any reason to trust him with that information, but he’s theoretically already taking him to whatever’s hidden here. Match doesn’t see why he wouldn’t have mentioned it. Then again, Superman probably doesn’t think there’s a point in mentioning it. 

Match has definitely not been informed of much more important information than why the hell Superman would be hiding a zeta tube in the dead center of the flattest part of Kansas, all things considered. 

And it’s not exactly need-to-know anyway, he supposes. 

“Try not to be a prick while we're here, okay?” Thirteen says. Match resists the entirely unnecessary urge to roll his eyes, but still very definitely experiences said urge. 

Thirteen really is the worst. 

He doesn’t even see why it matters. It’s just a waystation between them and . . . where-the-hell-ever Superman’s idea of “home” is. Whatever’s better than an entire fortress, in his mind. 

Match doesn’t even know what Superman is thinking in general right now, much less what the man thinks about where he wants to sleep at night. 

Maybe he just doesn’t care.

[mllemaenad]

Why so anti-Brotherhood?

At their best (Roger Maxon, Elder Lyons, Paladin Danse) they're massively effective humanitarians; even at their worst (Father Elijah, Paladin Casdin) they posess admirable traits (valour and determination); and most of the tine they are somewhere in the middle (Arthur Maxon, Knight Maximus): flawed but ultimately well-intentioned men and women trying to stop humanity from repeating its biggest mistakes.

They helped out in the early days of California, and when the NCR began to start following in the doomed footsteps of the old world, the Brotherhood tried (unsuccessfully to stop them). On the East Coast, they helped to save the Capital Wasteland from drought, and they stood up to the reckless experimentation of the Institute. In Filly, Lucy Maclean would probably have died without Maximus's intervention.

They can be unsubtle, and heavy-handed, and sometimes almost arrogant, but they ARE good people.

Hi, Anonymous person.

It feels like ... maybe you have the wrong end of the stick here? It sounds like you think I've got some kind of specific grudge against every individual member of the Brotherhood. And I ... don't. That would be silly and unfair. The Brotherhood has existed for a couple of centuries now. People are born into it, or indoctrinated as children. That's ... sort of the point Fallout: New Vegas is making with Arcade and Veronica – the forward-thinking children who have to contend with the mistakes of their very backward parents.

My issue is with the institution, not some random guy in power armour.

I'm not going to go through that whole list, because that's a lot. But – well, Maximus, since the TV show is going to be the hot topic.

Maximus is a refugee from a recently fallen civilisation who joined up with the Brotherhood of Steel because he was briefly impressed by the image of a knight in very literal shining armour, whom he saw breezing safely through the destruction of his home.

Then he found out that they are a group of militant cultists who use brutal beatings and ritual humiliation to "condition" their recruits (and possibly force them to take on new identities, as Maximus seems to be a name they "gave" him). His friend Dane is so frightened of going out on a mission with one of these knights that they actively injure themselves to avoid it, and Thaddeus's experience confirms that Maximus's treatment is completely normal.

When he is assigned to a knight, he quickly discovers that literally all of Titus's dignity comes from wearing a helmet that makes his voice sound deep and commanding, and underneath all that armour he is a bully and a coward. Not just a bully and a coward, but the kind of bully and coward who can't figure out that specifically bullying the only guy who might be able to save his life is a really fucking stupid move.

Nothing in that series made me think "Wow! The Brotherhood are good guys!" It made me think ... "Get out now, kid. Run as far and as fast as you can."

It is true that Maximus steps in to protect Lucy. It is equally true that Maximus would have very much died of dead-battery-in-soldier-suit had Lucy not intervened to help him. I'm not sitting here wishing ill on Maximus. But this ain't a story about how the Brotherhood are worthy saviours of the wasteland; it's the story about two lost kids (and one embittered pre-war Ghoul) finding their way together through hard won trust and understanding, which are pretty much always presented as the hopeful counterpoint to Fallout's grim "war never changes" theme.

I mean ... Maximus also falls uncritically in love with Vault 4 because they give him oysters and slippers. This is his standard for joining up with anywhere. He is a starving refugee whom the Brotherhood exploited.

I have no patience for The Brotherhood of Steel because they are violent, bigoted, technology hoarding isolationists whose defining trait is their extreme arrogance. They treat every problem as a nail and themselves as the hammer, and even when individuals in the organisation are actively trying to do good it's astonishing how ineffectual they are. I'm not sure they've had a relationship with another organisation they haven't poisoned.

They are actively genocidal towards Ghouls, Super Mutants and Synths. Owyn Lyons is undoubtedly one of the more open minded members, but a) one of the reasons they are able to appear as "the good guys" in Fallout 3 is because the particular nature of the FEV disaster going on in the Capital Wasteland means that there are virtually no non-hostile Super Mutants b) even Lyons' people still just shoot indiscriminately at Ghouls, an attitude that is simultaneously so morally bankrupt and tactically stupid that it makes me tear my hair out every time I think about it.

Also: The Brotherhood of Steel kills Danse. I don't think you can reasonably put Danse on your list of reasons why they're worthwhile without also noting that they, you know, send you out to murder him because he's a Synth.

And ohhhhhh they are so very bad at everything. It's actually quite difficult for me to think of things they've done that don't piss me off.

In the original Fallout they're sending aspirants off to die in The Glow because they think it's funny.

Lyons may be the (relatively) benevolent protector of the wasteland in Fallout 3, but he's also responsible for The Scourge: the wanton slaughter of half the population of the Pitt, the looting of their technology, and the kidnapping of their children. Undeniably conditions in the Pitt were awful, but this was no mercy mission: it was more of their mutants-aren't-people-and-all-your-stuff-is-ours bullshit. And they leave a guy behind who starts a raider gang and is basically the reason slavery exists in any large scale form in the Capital Wasteland. I'm not sure it's possible to fuck up worse than that.

Even in Fallout 3 ... they are not what you'd call an inspiration. Half of Lyons' forces threw a hissy fit and went off to sulk in Fort Independence because apparently obsessively hoarding laser riles is infinitely more important than helping people. By 2277 no one's even looking at the water purifier. That situation gets resolved because James finally decides to get off his arse and finish the project (I respect the man's commitment to procrastination). They don't manage to deal with the source of the Super Mutants. They basically spend a couple of decades mostly adequately guarding GNR – while places like Big Town get overrun – and tinkering with their stupid robot. They don't even fix the stupid robot. You know what the answer to fixing the stupid robot was? "Hey, did anybody think to ask Madison how the power supply works?" Useless.

In Fallout 4 they roll in and start extorting the settlers, like those people don't have enough to deal with, and the things they say if you bring Nick or Hancock with you to visit them are appalling.

I've recently been reminded of them threatening their allies at gunpoint in Fallout 76 because they think they have the right to steal everyone's research.

Okay. Enough ranting.

What's my problem with The Brotherhood of Steel? They are the walking definition of "following the doomed footsteps of the old world". They are just about Vault-Tec: military edition.

So we have to grab every schematic, every holotape, every book, and every goddamned note that holds the building blocks of the Old World before it's too late. Our Scribes will hold onto them, preserve them, perhaps even progress beyond them. And the Knights will protect them. Like a hard shell around a precious seed. One day, when the time is right, that seed will grow. And a new civilization will be born. – Fallout 76: Preservation of Technology

They think that somehow they are the true last bastion of civilisation, and that they have the right to decide when the world will begin anew. They can't even deal with the idea that there are different kinds of people in the world these days that your standard homo sapiens. They hoard, and they look backwards, and for all their self-righteous we-are-protecting-the-world propaganda, in practice all that means is that they get to keep all the big guns and threaten everyone else with them.

But civilisation has always just been people choosing to collaborate and help each other. And they have zero right to interfere with that.

Also: I think power armour is stupid and no fun at all to play in, and I am sitting here judging the Brotherhood for their obsession with the stuff. :)

[monstersdownthepath]

Herald of Lamashtu: The Yethazmari

CR 15

Chaotic Evil Large Outsider

Inner Sea Gods, pg. 296

As detestable a beast as there ever was, Yethazmari is among the favored children of Lamashtu, Mother of Monsters, and while thankfully she has yet to create any grandchildren with it, the Yethazmari is plenty hideously fecund on its own, siring countless horrors to plague the soil of Golarion and beyond. Perhaps the most famous are the Yeth Hounds who draw both a portion of their name and some of the abilities from their monstrous progenitor, though the Orcs of Belkzen have had to contend with the presence of the hideous Juggerloathe for centuries after the Yethazmari wandered through the holds.

Normally content to be a lapdog trotting happily at its mother's side, the Yethazmari has bore witness to Lamashtu's worst and most heinous atrocities, actions of such boundless depravity that attempting to view all of them has literally burned its eyes from its skull, leaving behind two smouldering craters. It CAN still see, but it sees the world translated into Lamashtu's visions for it; what the Demon Queen WANTS the world to be, rather than what it IS, giving the baleful hound a tinge of unhinged madness and unpredictability as it reacts to stimulus which literally doesn't exist for anyone else. This also means its interactions with the players can also be unpredictable, though it's always wise to remain cautious around such a beast... especially if it's bored.

If left without orders--which almost always include spreading misery, mayhem, madness, and monsters at Lamashtu's command--the hideous hound will quickly grow bored, utilizing its 3/day Plane Shift to flit to another world to spread misery, mayhem, madness, and monsters as it sees fit. In accordance with the Mother of Monsters' doctrine, the Yethazmari (which I will shorten to "Yeth" from now on because I'm getting tired) despises beauty and purity and will go out of its way to destroy any person, place, or thing or particular beauty, either directly or through intermediaries. It is rare that the Yeth receives orders to do much else, and even its orders to protect some unholy site or person will likely involve the Yeth causing death and chaos, which is almost certainly going to get a party of adventurers involved in stopping it.

What does it take to stop such a beast? Let's see...

Let's get something out of the way first: defenses. I've normally kept to Herald's defensive abilities towards the middle or the end of the article because it's both more fun to talk about offense first, and helps build a sort of dread as you see how much of a powerhouse a creature is, then see how hard it is to hurt back. Sometimes, its defensive powers are even fun to talk about! This is not so for the Yeth. It's got DR 15/Good, SR 26, and immunity to Fire, and that's it. It relies almost entirely on being statistically superior to most other Heralds, having 18 Hit Dice over the average of 15~17, granting it a higher total saving throw bonus at +17/+11/+17 (certainly not as impressive as some, but this also means it has no weaknesses) AND it's got 32 AC... and that's basically it. It's got some pretty good defenses, but compared to some Heralds, it can feel... lacking, especially since it's got a few glaring weaknesses.

For instance: the eyes at the end of the snake tail? Those are its only functioning eyes. Because of its unique view of the world, Yeth has no ability to see what's happening right in front of it, forcing it to rely on its snake head to see. Why does this matter? Because this means it has no All-Around Vision, so it has no defense against flankers and anything that may catch it off-guard. This is dangerous for it, as it's a melee specialist! Once battle begins, it's going to be getting right in the thick of things with its 10ft space and 10ft reach where it can be torn apart by a pair of melee bruisers flanking it... provided, y'know, they have a Good-aligned weapon each. And provided this Good energy comes from the weapon instead of a dispellable effect.

In a vacuum, Yeth's defenses aren't special. Key phrase being in a vacuum, because it has plenty of defense elsewhere in its kit, and it starts with the fact that the party is likely going to be blindsided by its initial appearance due to its access to one particular spell. Yeth can use the incredibly powerful Veil spell at-will, shrouding both itself and a handful of other creatures in an extra-strength illusion that can disguise it and a bunch of cultists as harmless citizens, or other monsters, or even one another. With a flap of its wings, Yeth and its allies can vanish into a shroud of illusion which makes them impossible to tell from one another, and this effect doesn't break as they all attack, cast spells, or otherwise interact with the world. It's difficult to explain just how useful Veil--and most freeform Illusion spells in general--can be, especially to something malevolent, intelligent, and having an incredible sadistic streak, but I'll just go ahead and point out that Veil can be used against any number of creatures in its Long range, they don't have to be willing, there's no limit to what the affected creatures can be made to look like, and the illusion is perfect down to texture and odor until the illusion is closely, physically inspected.

With nothing but a gesture, the hellish hound could make an entire town square full of people suddenly look like monstrous horrors while it, its allies, and select few dupes are made to look like regular humans, so it can watch the chaos unfold. Hell, it could make the entire adventuring party suddenly look like itself to make the battle infinitely more confusing, an effect that is magnified by its baffling breath weapon, but we'll get to THAT in a moment.

Aiding it both defensively and offensively is its 100ft of fly speed, allowing it to ping people on the ground below with its at-will Blindness/Deafness, shred magical defense with its 3/day Greater Dispel Magic, or simply take a victim completely out of the fight with Baleful Polymorph. Despite its relative fragility compared to some Heralds, the party is not going to be fighting the Yethazmari at their maximum capacity, and the horror is too smart AND wise to engage in any battle that it cannot curse and debuff its foes before diving down. The most insulting and hope-crushing thing it can do is track who's getting the most buffs before peeling all of them off at once with its GDM, cackling as the party is instantly set back several rounds while it closes in with its own destructive melee.

Lacking in defenses, Yeth more than makes up for it with its offense; after all, isn't that the best defense? Death is a form of crowd control, you know! Though it, for whatever reason, lacks both a claw and wing attack, it can still deliver two bites from its mouths, both of them having a critical threat range of 19-20, its main mouth dealing 6d6+8 damage, while its serpent mouth deals 3d6+8. The serpent mouth also injects a poison that deals 1d6 Str damage a round for 4 rounds unless the victim can succeed a DC 25 Fortitude save... and this poison can also be launched at a range via Poison Gout, a ranged touch attack dealing a startling 6d10 Acid damage to whatever it hits while also exposing the victim to the venom. If the Yeth feels it may be outmatched, it can use its melee OR its poison gout in tandem with its Flyby Attack to slowly, painfully whittle a party down if they can't force it to ground. While normally I would recommend flying up to it, remember it can dispel magical flight!

Adding onto its offense is its shockingly powerful but mercifully short-range Breath Weapon, a 30ft cone of choking, superheated smoke that deals 12d10 Fire damage to everything inside (half to anyone who succeeds the DC 25 Reflex save). Any non-Chaotic creature damaged by the breath weapon, even if they succeed the Reflex save, must make a second DC 25 Will save or be confused by the demonic power in the mist for 1d6 rounds... and since the breath weapon recharges every 1d4 rounds, an unlucky party may just be confused for the duration of the fight! But you know what's worse than confusion? Panic.

Anyone within 300ft of the Yeth when it howls or barks--a free action, by the way--must succeed a DC 25 Will save or be panicked for 2d4 rounds, essentially becoming useless in the fight as they're forced to flee the horror at top speed, leaving them open for it to chase them down and tear them apart... or just tear into everyone else while the team is broken by the deluge of fear and confusion. This ability only affects non-Evil creatures and has a 24-hour immunity clause even if the victim fails, but these mercies are pitiful when compared to the penalties for failure, as losing 2 rounds to panic is punishing enough. Eight rounds? You may as well not have rolled initiative at all!

And on a closing note, I may as well confess that while the Yeth has no real defense against Sneak Attacks, you may want to avoid actually sneaking up on it. If the Yeth takes piercing or slashing damage, any creature within 10ft of it has to make a DC 29 Will save or panic, just as if they'd been exposed to its Baying, so even striking it before it can start barking won't save you. The language of the ability leaves it ambiguous as to whether this Soul Scream shares the same 24 hour immunity as the Baying, or if it has its own separate timer, but the ability states "its wounds create a terrifying cacophony equivalent to its Bay ability," leading me to believe that either saving against the barking also means one is immune to the scream, or the scream can also inflict panic once every 24 hours against a particular creature.

I suppose this is a roundabout way of saying that just because a creature has no defenses listed under its Defensive Abilities, that doesn't mean a party is going to just be able to burst it down! First you have to survive its burst, then all the status ailments that follow! Might I recommend Unbreakable Heart...?

You can read more about it here, but again its stats haven't been updated from its 3.5 version for whatever reason.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Freaky Fred

(WARNING! This analysis is... NAUGHTY!)

Hello dear reader, this is Fred.

You hear the words that are in his head.

To Courage the dog he is a threat,

because he’s very… naughty.

In Courage the Cowardly Dog, you see,

Fred appeared and definitely

left a mark on you and me

by being very... naughty.

So let's take a look at this creepy man,

and hopefully you'll understand

why this guy has garnered tons of fans

despite him being... naughty.

Motivation/Goals:

Fred’s a man of simple needs.

He wants to cut hair, indeed!

And his efforts would likely succeed

if he weren’t so… naughty.

He has a compulsion, you know.

He sees hair and it’s time to go!

And so he spends the\is episode of the show

being very naughty.

Performance: Paul Schoeffler is the man, you know!

He voiced Le Quack, Katz and Big Toe!

The Cajun Fox, Zalost, the Snowman, oh,

he played characters who were… naughty.

He was quite good at what he had to do,

even playing Dr. Vindaloo!

And he played our boy Fred, it’s true,

with a performance that was… quite naughty.

Final Fate: After shaving Courage’s hair,

the orderlies escort him out of there.

One could argue the ending’s unfair.

Fred was only… a little naughty.

Evilness: Is Fred evil? Who can say?

I certainly don’t see him that way.

Really, at the end of the day,

the worst you can call him is… naughty.

He shaves off hair against people’s will

because it gives him perverted thrills.

He doesn’t maim or harm or kill,

he’s genuinely just naughty.

So I suppose a 1.5/10’s the score.

I can’t really justify much more.

He’s not cruel or deadly to the core,

he’s a weird guy who’s naughty.

Best Quote: The opening lines of his sole appearance of course,

which he delivers with no remorse

as he outlines his action’s course

and explains that he is… NAUGHTY:

“Hello, new friend. My name is Fred.

The words you hear are in my head.

I say, I said my name is Fred,

and I've been... very naughty.”

Final Thoughts & Score: Alright, time to drop the rhyming act so I can actually really talk about Fred. And boy, is he ever interesting to talk about! Courage is really a cavalcade of amazing one-shot antagonists, but Fred is easily one of the best and most memorable.

A huge part of that is probably down to his single appearance being narrated from his point of view. He’s the rare Courage villain that gives us explicit insight to his thought process and why he does what he does, and what he does is… extremely strange and even suggestive. His compulsion is so strange and how he narrates it and refers to his actions really build him up to feel worse and creepier than he actually is. He’s not trying to hurt Courage in any way, he’s just trying to exercise his bizarre fetish like a G-rated Yoshikage Kira. There's a lot of ways you could read into this compulsion, but t really does make him stand out as a character due to how unique it is and how it's implemented into the story.

I think what also helps is Schoeffler giving one of his best performances on the show. Like yes, Katz and Le Quack are great, and Vindaloo is a funny meme man, but Fred is just a truly iconic character with such a bombastic and sophisticated narration that I really think he’s a contender for the best character the man played. On top of that we have a fantastic design, with his crazy hair and way-too-wide grin; literally every aspect of this guy is perfect.

But at the end of it all, you have to remember that Fred isn’t actually evil, no matter how much he seems to insist he is. At worst, he’s an anti-villain, and even then it’s in name only; the dude is just a freaky weirdo who looks like Betelgeuse and has a strange fetish he can’t help but act out on, and at worst his actions are annoying and inconvenient as opposed to horribly destructive or deadly. Like, oh no, your hair’s gone! It’ll grow back, whatever. He may be Sweeney Todd for kids, but this barber ain’t a demon; he’s just a fucking weirdo. And I love him for it.

A 9.5/10 is the score he gets,

A memorable antagonist, one of the best.

His narration will never leave your head,

and isn’t that just…

NAUGHTY?

[onlyymirknows]

What are your headcanons for Reiner coping with Bertholdt’s death? Do you think he actually has the time to grieve during the timeskip or is it only post-Rumbling that he allows himself to fully embrace what happened?

Hello! Thanks for the ask, this is my first on this blog 💖

I think he theoretically has the time to grieve Bertholdt during the time skip but I don’t think he actually does. Reiner’s main methods of dealing with emotional stress are repression and distraction. He basically ignores his problems by occupying his mind with something else.

And Reiner is presented with a really compelling distraction when he returns to Marley:

Fighting for his life and reputation in a brand new war is the perfect distraction from what happened on Paradis. Not just the presumed deaths of Bertholdt and Annie but also his immense guilt over the things he did.

I think the fact that he resorts to suicide the moment he’s confronted with the idea of going back to Paradis is a good indication of how little he’s processed his emotions.

That said, he doesn’t react strongly when people mention Bertholdt which tells me that he’s accepted it factually. But in my head, Reiner hasn’t bothered to confront the emotional reality of the loss (among a ton of other things) because he’s got his finish line.

In addition to that, there’s nobody for him to talk to about Bertholdt in Marley. Everyone back home only knew 11 y/o Bert, not the 16 y/o he developed into. Reiner also can’t admit to the fact that the two experienced a big shift in their worldview together (eg- island devils don’t exist.)

So it wouldn’t be until after the Rumbling that he has to contend with a lot of his unresolved trauma, including the grief of losing his best friend. (And potentially his love interest/boyfriend depending on who you ask.)

Best case scenario is his friends/family proactively encourage his healing and don’t let him run away. Worst case scenario, he goes full distraction mode (my HC is workaholism) and won’t admit there’s a problem until he falls apart.

Some talk about my relevant long fic below the cut

My fic is gonna be about the worst case scenario because I want to dig into the emotional aspects of his character. Namely his unresolved grief, childhood emotional trauma, and queerness.

Plus I want to write about how trauma feels, having been on my own healing journey. It’s kind of a vent fic that spun out into a full narrative that I really need to write an outline for lol.

It’s gotten a bit complicated with multiple POV’s/plot threads so I’m taking my time. I watched a video recently talking about the pitfalls of serialized fiction. I’d like to avoid some of the bigger ones, namely putting in scenes/details with no narrative purpose.

Not everything needs to be Chekov’s gun but I’m sure you know how it is 🤭 so an outline is gonna help a lot. But I feel pretty good about the main story beats! I could talk about my fic a lot more but I’ll leave it here.

[basilpaste]

(actually got around to writing connies rude little ass being rude! yippee!!!!)

You sit on the cold damp ground, your only layer of protection a thin sheet folded thrice over. The chill sneaks into your bones. It's an unusual temperature for this time of year, but you suppose everything in Vaugarde is unusual at the moment. A little cold is nothing compared to the current state of affairs.

You hold a loosely held together manuscript on your lap. The draft is really more or less finished, but since your editor is currently frozen in time, you figured you might as well at least try to be mindful of your own work. Though with all the previous novels in the series at home, you can't easily screen for continuity. Just another reason to get to that wretched King.

Tapping your pencil to paper, your eyes glaze over the text. Ah! Désirée has an extra accent on her name there. You cross it off. No more Désiréé. Honestly, were you asleep while writing this chunk? The sentence structure of the next line is also… a bit off? It's technically correct, but it really would scan better in Poterian than Vaugardian. You miss writing in Poterian. Ugh.

"Conifleur."

You do not look away from your work, though you do jump. "Odile. I'm shocked to see you up this early. And here I though your 'old bones' needed some rest, dear."

"I'm sure. Just like how you are so desperate for your beauty sleep, right?"

You scoff. She thinks she has you clocked. It's annoying in the worst of ways to have to contend with someone who is no better than you. You know her type. You aren't stupid.

"I'm flattered that you're so concerned for me, darling! But can't one work in peace?" Your pencil scratches the page, leaving a thin line across the margin.

She sighs. From the corner of your eye, you catch her rummaging around in a small supply bag. "Of course not. You're here."

"Oh?" You tilt your head in faux-curiosity, "Is the crone annoyed with poor me? I've done nothing to you today, I'll have you know."

"Urgh."

"It's true! You're the one who went out of your way to make yourself known, dear. I was busy."

"Busy working on something that will help us on our travels, I'm sure." She kneels at the fire pit, sparking it with paper craft, "Like lighting the camp fire."

You blink, "I thought we were going to get moving when the others woke?"

"Yes," she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, "but it's cold out. Since you've apparently put yourself on 'watch', it's your job to make sure no one gets sick from it."

… Loath as you are to admit it, she does have you there. You hum in response.

"And where are you off to? I was under the impression that we were still a few days out from the next town."

"There's a caravan that should have set up shop not far from here. I'm doing a supply run. More mouths to feed means we can't afford to rely solely on whatever Isabeau or I can identify and what we have stored." She pulls a coin pouch from her bag by the drawstrings.

That newest mouth to feed. Siffrin was… an enigma. Something about them was familiar to you. You were quite certain you didn't know him personally, but there was a nagging feeling you couldn't shake. They were quite good with that dagger of theirs, though, so you couldn't complain too much.

"Yes, well, I absolutely believe in your ability to charm the merchant into selling us all of their resources for a reduced fee." You say, "You are known for your endearing personality, after all. You positively exude grace."

You don't have to be looking at her to know that she rolls her eyes at you. Hmph. "Gems alive. I'm not going there to haggle, Conifleur. Just to buy."

"Shame," you hum, "and I was so looking forward to a bountiful harvest."

"Are you going to come with me or are you just going to complain at me?"

You jump a bit despite yourself. You just don't understand it! It's no secret that the two of you don't think much of each other, and yet she still invites you along. She has an ulterior motive, surely. To neg you, you suppose. You don't buy it.

You smile, "I thought I was on watch, dear! As talented as I may be, I simply cannot be in two places at once."

"Urgh." She slips her coin pouch back into the bag, slinging it over her shoulder, "By all means. Stay right where you are. I figured someone other than me might enjoy having a say in what I buy for us."

"Wake dear Mirabelle or young Isabeau if you need a second opinion, darling." You scribble out a rough edit of that problem sentence from before.

"… The two of them deserve the rest."

You nod solemnly. That, at least, is something the two of you can agree on. Your companions are much too young for the burdens placed on them. Dear Mirabelle especially.

That said... "That they do. But Rejuvenation only knows that dear Mirabelle will dread waking up so late. Not that it's 'late' at all. You know as well as I how she is."

"Mirabelle would appreciate having a say." She mutters, glancing back at the tents.

"Exactly, darling!" You explain, bright as anything, "You two have fun with that! Until then: I am busy, I fear. Don't bother me anymore. Thank you."

She turns away from you without another word. Good. You can actually think without her incessant badgering.

... The fire warms you in the cold morning. You clench your jaw. You've got work to do, dear. Back to it!

[baenyth]

After too much stalling, I finally finished the other half of Miraculous Season 2. Here's my thoughts episode-by-episode:

Zombizou: The episode focused on Ms. Bustier. Honestly I get where she's coming from in that statement to Marinette. This is a world where people can become butt-ugly abominations because they felt upset, although I think Chloe still needs consequences for her actions as well as something like positive reinforcement. She had plenty consequences in season 1. Speaking of Chloe, That Asshole was wrong. There was clear intent for Chloedemption. Also could we at least have seen all that stuff Ms. Bustier does in previous episodes?

Syren: This was an episode the salters talked loads about, and honestly, I get where Adrien's coming from here. On a fundamental level the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculi aren't equals due to the Ladybug's magic reset button, but as one of the first Miraculous users, Adrien should've still been let in on the loop. Kid felt like he was useless, that Ladybug could save the day without his help. At the very least have Master Fu go one-on-one or have both kids show up while transformed or blindfolded. Also the water voices ticked me off, but that's relatively minor.

Frightningale: A fun character-of-the-week episode, especially since I'm fond of Clara Nightingale's constant rhymes and rhythm. She's dedicated to it and I love it. It's also good to see Chloe be an exceptional and talented dancer! It's good to see her having talents and interests that aren't just making people suffer!

Troublemaker: Another episode showing why I think Marinette and Adrien shouldn't date in any of their forms. I don't know enough about stalker shrines but I think Marinette's room is getting close enough to be one for Adrien. Though I'm pretty sure Adrien's seen worse or has been conditioned to not care, based on his reaction at the end. Still a shame that the local TV show had to live-film Marinette's room and beach her privacy in the local city-town of Paris while the real Paris has been converted to an amusement park for tourists. You got any other reasons why the population is so low? One more thing: I'm pretty sure the lack of ladybug-vision was more due to anxiety over losing one of her earrings and the difficulty of the villain more than anything else.

Anansi: I find the new heroes good, personally. They give more screentime to other characters. Also again with Adrien's insecurity about being useful. And I think this episode would've been over sooner if they noticed that Anansi was going to get herself akumatized over the stress and maybe just let her come or something. Or if they got Marinette to arm-wrestle her instead. Marinette has muscles, right?

Sandboy: A lore episode, mostly. The nightmares were funny for a second and I was a bit annoyed by the Akuma's voice, but that's small potatoes. I like how compared to season 1, where we would be given a bunch of development for Sandboy it's just explained to us afterwards while we instead get more time for lore.

Style Queen: Hawkmoth has a contender for the most evil character in the show. Audrey Bourgeois is the kind of person that would be made fun of in those Karen freakout videos. She cheats on her husband, neglects her daughter to the point of not remembering her name, fires people over the most minor inconveniences, and starts G-rated killing people over getting a seat in the second row. She needs to be cancelled, deplatformed, and Chloe needs a therapist and better role models. I really liked the split-second of Adrien looking shocked after Marinette told him he had the catwalk down, btw. Did he think his identity was outed there?

Queen Wasp: This is why teenagers shouldn't get superpowers. I get secondhand embarrassment watching them. Also Marinette What The Fuck why the Hell are you getting Chloe to bond with the Absolute Worst Person For Her

Maledictator: This is what happens when you make Chloe bond with a Chernobyl-level toxic influence, Marinette. In general this episode was funny, both intentionally and unintentionally. Everyone starts celebrating Chloe ditching Paris with her mother except Adrien because Chloe was her only friend even though she was a detriment to everyone else and suddenly Marinette feels bad because she worships Adrien. The first thing the villain of the week does is make Audrey stop being such a horrible person and later he made Chat Noir reach the limit of catboyness. It's like a Smiling Friends episode. Also it was cool to see Chloe's depths and self-loathing. Surely that won't be forgotten and Chloe will be given therapy so she can become a better person, right?

Reverser (Put here so it makes sense timeline-wise): It's Yaoi time. Except that Nathaniel is into Ladybug (who I assume he knows is Marinette) here and Marc is fine with that. Overall a good episode. Some nice humor, and Reverser's probably the best akuma design so far I love the paper stuff. Plus more info on the side characters and a spot of good humor, excellent!

Frozer: Ah, there's the Nathmarc. And explicit Julerose. And Marinette getting some idea that her fantasy of Adrien is unhealthy and shouldn't be followed. And Adrigami, albeit a bit one-sided. Quit pining over someone who doesn't love you and get with someone who does, kid. And a smidgeon of Marigami. And Adrien's bodyguard being his daddy in place of his father. And a pinch of me seeing what the salters were talking about with the girlsquad and them forcing Marinette and Adrien together. Or at least Alya and Mylene. I couldn't hear what Alix, Juleka, and Rose were saying, but they disagreed, right? At least one of them had to disagree, right?

Heroes' Day Two-Parter: Marinette you're being too hotheaded against Lila no you gotta be like Columbo. Also yet another Marinette Costanza moment. Otherwise not much to say here. It's the boss rush episode, it's the series finale, Alya managed to catch onto Nino being Carapace but still can't seem to connect the dots between Ladybug and Marinette, the Peacock Miraculous is introduced, and Natalie is on my suslist.

I might procrastinate again on the first half of season 3. The first episode deserves a post of it's own. It's the salt episode.

[demonoflight]

Everyone gives Shiver mommy and/or daddy issues, but I couldn't do that. I am compensating by giving her granny issues instead! Meet Mizuchi Hohojiro, former head of the Hohojiro clan and a contender for Splatsville's Worst Grandma Award.

Mizuchi is a terrible woman - cold, arrogant, judgmental, demanding, and incredibly mean. She became clan head 50 years ago, settling a period of family infighting, but was forced to retire a decade ago due to poor health. She has only grown more bitter since. While the rest of the clan unanimously voted for Shiver to be the next heir, Mizuchi is unimpressed with her grandchild and criticizes everything she does or likes. The only reason she accepts Shiver as heir is because a massive great white wouldn't bond with someone unworthy.

Mizuchi is bonded to an enormous basking shark named Chika. No one knows how a miserable woman like Mizuchi bonded with a sweet and gentle shark like Chika. And as loyal as she is to her partner, Chika absolutely adores Shiver, so there's that.

For their part, Frye and Big Man are ready to throw hands/give a stern talk to Mizuchi, Shiver just has to say the word - she has begged them not to for now, but they're ready. Shiver's dad also has their back and, frankly, he is sick and tired of his mother's attitude.

[miss0atae]

Are we still giving award for the worst parent in a BL? There is a new contender in the house.

In BL right now they are a lot of bad fathers, but let me show you one of the worst mom who also deserves her prize. Let me present you, Aim's mother.

You may not remember her, because she is the one who said this (episode 2):

As you can see, she is a lovely person. She doesn't know it, but it forced her child to hide her true identity. She is also someone who never really cared to listen to her child and she also forced her to do things she didn't like, to do surgery to look the way she wants and to control her. All of this in the name of love, as she said it herself.

However, she's failed to see how she causes her daughter to feel so much pain, because she doesn't think she is wrong. Her daughter is hurting so much and telling her she can't do it anymore and she just looks at her, dumbfounded.

That's why she also deserves the worst parent award.

[angel-of-the-moons]

Nothing Is Lost

Khonshu x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Blood, nightmares, night terrors, attempted sexual assault (nothing happens), mugging, stalking, religious stuff, mentions some gross af Egyptian lore (reading about that in my textbook was... whew. A lot)

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: Obviously inspired by this version of Day 'N' Night from the Moon Knight soundtrack/trailer.

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Chapter 2:

Stressing My Mind (Mind)

After that day, the bag sat on your tiny table. You would spend at least two hours out of the day or night just... staring at it.

And when you fell asleep?

Your previous dreams, confusing, and nonsensical seemed a vacation compared to the ones that haunted you know.

You would hear screams, piercing your ears and causing pain. It wasn't until your senses returned that you realized the screams were coming from you. You would look down at yourself to find blood pouring out of you from your abdomen.

No matter how much pressure you applied, your blood would flow from you like a broken damn, pooling at your feet and running outwards like a river, the end promising a light in the twinkling darkness your dreams often had you in.

You heard the whispers, louder, still indiscernible. It was a man's voice.

You figured it was coming from the light at the end of the bloody river, so you screamed again. Only this time, you made ghastly gurgles, before you would cough violently, blood flowing up and out from your lungs to join the river beneath you.

And that was when you woke up.

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It was after days of consecutive restlessness that you decided to say fuck it.

You unwrapped the "gifts" Jezebel had given you, along with her handwritten notes on what to do, and what kind of offerings to leave once you'd set up your altar. It even included a basic prayer for protection from this god, Khonshu.

You weren't sure how to go about it... so you did some extra research into this "Khonshu".

God of the Moon, indeed he protected those who traveled at night. He was also associated with justice, healing, and even fertility. An odd combination, you mused. But from what you knew of Egyptian gods, they were associated with some weird shit sometimes.

You even unfortunately spent so long clicking on Wikipedia links that you wound up reading about the Contendings of Set and Horus. The stuff Isis did on behalf of her son made you want to rinse your mouth out with the strongest, mintiest mouthwash you had in your cabinet and swear off salads forever.

Well... at least Isis going to the ends of creation for her husband Osiris was romantic... ish.

Once you were done, you decided... hey, what's the harm in offering up a little prayer before you go in for work? You'd be working a later shift tonight, the worst time to walk home was... okay, well any time after the sun went down, really.

You lit the incense, consisting of cinnamon and myrrh, at the base of the statue, along with the fresh fruit your measley budget could afford until you got paid; then you kneeled down and bowed your head.

"Here goes nothing..."

You feel a chill rush through you when you complete the prayer, goosebumps forming on your skin.

A wind blows on the fire escape outside, knocking over your potted plant.

Surely, your apartment is drafty. That's it...

You clear your throat and stand, putting the incense out as you shove your metro card in your empty "work" wallet. It had your name on it, but not your address. So if somebody snatched it they wouldn't be able to track you down.

It wasn't paranoia if it was a very real possibility, after all...

You didn't realize you forgot your mace and taser.

You were so buried in the thoughts of your night that you didn't notice the shadow looming in the dim light of your apartment.

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"Hey, kid, you all right?" Your elderly co-worker, Alec, asked you from his hunched posture. He had told you he was in some sort of accident, and as a result of a botched surgery he had a permanent hunch. He'd been dealing with it for a little over twenty years. In some places he was listed as "disabled" but Alec having his hard-set personality, he wanted to work, earn his keep, not languish in bed somewhere.

He'd taken a shine to you because you were the only one there who didn't treat him like... well. The awful things your coworkers whispered and giggled about behind his back. Sometimes in front of him, too. But never you. Alec felt like family, in the past two years you worked this job. He was like the kindly uncle you wished you always had.

But apparently he'd taken note of the dark bags under your eyes lately, worse than usual and hanging like shadowy curtains over your cheekbones.

"Oh, uh... yeah. I just... haven't been sleeping well, 's all." You mumble, focusing on the particularly dirty spot on the floor from where some idiot made the previous printer that had been there explode.

You would have paid serious money to see the poor sod it exploded on.

"You're working too hard, kiddo." Alec said with a click of his tongue, as he wiped down a nearby table. "Gonna work yaself to death."

You smiled when his accent slipped in. Born and raised New Yorker, you knew. Unlike you. His accent was one of his endearing qualities.

"I'll keep that in mind, Alec." You chuckle, leaning over to scrub roughly with your mop at the ink stain in the linoleum.

"If ya keep hunching like that kiddo," He winked at you. "You're gonna wind up like me, sans the accident!"

"Oh I should be so lucky, Alec! You're resilient as hell."

"Ha, thanks kid. But seriously. You gotta take it easy. If you don't let yourself rest, something else will." He warned you.

And yeah. You knew that much already.

But... money is money.

And money made the world go 'round.

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You hated it.

Hate, hate, hated it.

You felt someone following you, your "feeling" kicking into overdrive. This particular feeling you got well acquainted with. It happened just before every time you got mugged.

Your fears were compounded when you looked in the blacked out windows of the shops you passed in front of, and saw the silhouette of a man marching several paces behind you, this hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, jaw set tight as his pace kept adjusting to match yours.

You didn't have any money. And you were afraid at what he'd do if he attacked you. Would he rough you up and let you go because of a poor mark?

Or would he want to do something... worse?

You up your pace again, the soles of your shoes tapping the pavement.

The chill you felt earlier slipped into your bones, your hair standing on end not from the cold, but from your "feeling".

You all but skid and burn the rubber on the bottom of your shoes when you dart into an alley you had well-mapped by memory, the sound of heavy footfall close behind.

But then it hit you.

If the guy kept following me you, and you ran to where you felt safe...

He could find out where you lived.

Which was worse.

You turned to try and backpedal; fumbling your pockets for your protection, only to realize you left it on your dresser earlier... but the moment you try to turn and escape the other direction, you're clotheslined; splitting your lip and sending you stumbling onto the concrete below.

A taste of copper flooded your mouth and you realized you bit too hard on your tongue when he hit you.

You barely had a moment to recover from your discombobulation before you were hoisted up by your collar, shoved hard against a wall... and felt something cold press into your belly through your shirt.

"L-look... I don't have any money on me. You can search me, and I won't tell anyone..." You say, trying to stay as calm as possible, holding your hands up on either side of your head trying to make the man feel like you weren't worth the effort.

You knew nobody would hear you if you screamed. You knew nobody would come save you if they did. You knew that some people just wouldn't care.

"Well it's a good thing I'm not after cash..." His disgusting breath spewed in your face.

Fuck.

The barrel of his gun slowly rose, catching one of the buttons on your blouse as his knee forcibly parted your thighs.

He used the barrel to undo the buttons one by one.

He tries to force his mouth onto yours, but you turn your head and he raises the gun, pistol whipping you and knocking you down again.

He fists your open shirt again and pulls you back to your feet and throws you against the wall again.

You squeezed your eyes shut as you feel his stinking breath on your neck, the barrel of his gun digging painfully into your ribs.

You choke back a sob as his free hand reaches for your jeans, ready to rip the fly down.

Goddamn that stupid prayer. It was fucking pointless. So much for praying to some god to protect you when you walked alone at night.

Some god of justice--

All of a sudden, the weight of the man was lifted off of you. You whip your head around to see if someone had saved you, but you saw nothing.

Your would be-rapist stumbled to his feet and raised his gun at you.

"I don't know how you did that, you little bitch--"

"Please! I didn't--"

You threw your hands out towards him, the moment you did, he hit the ground like something violently slammed into his gut; crumbling to his knees, gasping and retching for air.

He fumbled for his gun again, but it skittered away across the pavement.

"What the fuck." You breathed.

His head jerked back and you heard the crunching of bone, and he fell back, limp.

You breathe ragged breaths, watching and waiting to see if he indeed tries to get up again.

He doesn't.

Your adrenaline takes over and you clutch your shirt against yourself, running through the alleys until you make it home, safe and tucked away into your apartment, shaky hands sliding all the locks into place and snatching your window curtains closed.

You collapse against the wall, breathing hard, lungs and leg muscles burning.

You stare at the statue sitting on the pitiful altar you DIY'd yourself earlier.

It sat, offerings still there and incense half burned, the statue so... serene, it unnerved you.

"...What..."

You took a deep breath to try and ease your nerves.

"...God... what happened?"

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Chapter 3: Link

[theanticool]

Lately ive been seeing multiple top ten lists that squeeze in kamaru usman at number 9 or 10. Do you think this is a fair assessment or recency bias? I feel like having 2 of his title defenses against bum ass Masvidal kinda works against his legacy. Obviously usman is a much more complete well rounded fighter than izzy hut i think theres an argument to be made Izzy had a better level of competition. I wonder if one of Usmans victims (strickland) becoming mw champ is whats propelling him to top ten status since what seemed like a random win at the time is now aging extremely well

Yeah, sadly half of Usman’s titles wins (Colby 2, Masvidal 2, and Woodley) aged really poorly. TBF the Masvidal and Colby rematches were crap from the jump. Woodley went on to lose every round of MMA he fought after Usman and threw like 10 punches combined. I do think the first Masvidal and Colby wins (+Burns) are worth a lot but if we’re holding those up as Usman’s big career wins? How do they match up against the best wins of Fedor, Silva, GSP, Aldo, Holloway, Volk, DJ, Jones, DC, Lawler, Khabib, Alvarez, Poirier, TJ, Cruz, McGregor, Islam, Do Bronx, BJ, Edgar, Stipe, Whittaker, or Izzy (I’m leaving a lot of names out). I just don’t think the wins are there to be honest. I also don’t give Usman too much credit for his win over Strickland because this is the same guy who was losing to Zaleski dos Santos and Ponz at 170lbs. Good fighters but not on anyone’s top 30 greatest fighters in WW history. Sean’s best win at 170 is arguably Nordine Taleb.

The story of Usman’s title reign was one of rebirth and gridlock at welterweight imo. Lawler, Woodley, Condit, and Wonderboy were aging out. Hendricks ate his way out 170. Then you had guys like Usman and Colby coming up on the old guard (Maia, Woodley, RDA) while Masvidal just so happened to get hot at the right moment off beating a guy who had heat but wasn’t as good as we thought (Till) and a loudmouth meme generator with a nonfunctional hip (Askren).

But guys like Leon, Belal, and - to a lesser extent - Rakhmonov, Chimaev, etc were kind of left on the outside looking in. Once Colby and Masvidal established themselves as contenders and stars(?), they did not interact with anyone else again. For as good as they had been on the rise, I’d argue neither Colby or Masvidal ever solidified themselves in real Max Holloway/Robert Whittaker “I’m going to be at worst the #3 fighter in this division for a long time” way. And it’s still a thing we are dealing with years later. It took Leon and Belal like 10 fights with no losses to get a title fight. And Belal only just got his this year! That’s insane. He came up at the same time as Colby and Usman! With no immediate stars at 170, we’re probably back to guys getting to mix it up across the rankings so I’m happy the division is finally out of gridlock. The logjam seems to have passed.

Another knock against Usman is he hasn’t really had anything to show in his post-prime. When Aldo, Holloway, and Whittaker, for example, lost their titles? They proceeded to come back and just start picking off contenders. Taking big fight after big fight. To his credit, I thought Usman looked good in his fight with Chimaev for the circumstances he found himself in. I think he might still have some gas in the tank. A couple big name wins would really boost his resume.

But ultimately? ATG list are subjective. I don’t think the welterweight division has gotten significantly better since the days of GSP like some of these other divisions have, but that’s my opinion. I do think you’re correct about recency bias though. A lot of modern MMA fans don’t actually know anything about the sport pre-2019 though

[saibug1022]

Bleeding Me Dry

Word Count: 1.7k

Astarion x Durge, Gale x Tav (background)

Kieran is my Drow Durge, he/him and romancing Astarion. He also shares a universe with one of my Tavs, a tiefling bard named Idris, they/them, who is romancing Gale.

AO3 Link

“I don't know what insults me more.”

Idris cried out as Cazador’s boot slammed down onto their chest, pinning them to the stone floor. Kieran heard something snap but through the pain coating their every nerve he couldn't tell if it was their ribs or the violin on their back. Kieran snarled as he clawed at Cazador's hand around his throat. Idris's eyes kept darting to him, but Kieran was more focused on Cazador. His nails, more like talons, bit into his skin. He was squeezing Kieran’s neck just tight enough he could manage to breathe and holding him just high enough his toes brushed the floor.

“That to defeat me you bring these wretches, worth less than the worms in their heads,” Cazador continued, ignoring the siblings’ attempts to free themselves. Kieran's strength failed him. He may as well have been a gnat for all Cazador seemed to notice him. All the vampire’s attention was on Astarion. “Or that your very presence proves my methods flawed. You would still disobey my rules, again and again.”

The sound that came from Astarion was completely animalistic as he tried to leap forward only to be held back by the gnolls restraining him. Kieran searched the chamber for their other party members, having lost track of them in the fight. They'd charged in here like fools, not once considering Cazador would have minions and monsters with him they'd have to contend with. 

Astarion had been forced to his knees a few meters away, his bow broken on the ground and sword nowhere to be seen. Shadowheart was unconscious and surely fading fast where she lay unconscious near the stairs. Lae'zel crouched at her side, sword gone but clearly surveying the battlefield still. Gale was pinned to a column by a werewolf’s claw around his throat. Idris couldn't even see Karlach, just the tips of her fingers as she clung to the edge of the platform and tried to pull herself back up. Wyll's leg was broken and kept giving out from under him.

“I will never obey your rules again,” Astarion spat. He thrashed hard enough against his captors Kieran idly worried he'd dislocate his shoulder or break his arm. “Do your worst you slimy piece of shit.” 

“Disappointing,” Cazador sighed, as if Astarion was nothing more than a child throwing a tantrum. “I'll have to rectify these errors. I need to find what exactly went wrong with you and fix it.”

“Are you so pathetic you'll postpone your ascension because you don't have total control over one man?” Idris snickered. Cazador gave him a look of such disdain it should make them shiver but instead they smirked up at him through their bloodied teeth. 

“These creatures are the ones you've chosen to travel with?” Cazador sneered. “Such a naive, weak thing. Surrounding yourself with feeble powerless things so you feel more powerful in comparison?”

“If you really think that's why he surrounds himself with people who actually care about him then you're more sick than I could've imagined,” Idris scoffed. 

“And if you think we're powerless then you're also more stupid than I could have imagined,” Kieran snarled, just desperate to turn Cazador's attention from Idris. “And I’ve heard plenty of stories.”

Cazador finally looked at him and when he did he grinned . Something about it made Kieran regret every snide word that had ever crossed his lips. It was sharper than any blade, more dangerous than any monster, and colder than death. He didn't even want to call it a smile, but there was no denying it. It was like he'd finally understood something as he slowly turned back to Astarion.

“You sweet thing, you don't truly think anyone else could care for you as I have, do you?” Cazador cooed, speaking slowly like he was talking to a child or a fool. For the first time, Astarion's face dropped. For just a moment his eyes dropped from staring into Cazador's with loathing and instead looked to Kieran's with worry and for strength. Kieran even managed a small smile. He didn’t know how they were going to all get out of this, but they were going to. He was going to figure something out.

“You never cared for me,” Astarion said. “You used me, tortured me, and made every single day of my life a living hell! I'd rather die than be subjected to your bullshit again, and I will die before I help you ascend.”

“I can see you've made your choice,” Cazador sighed. Astarion's eyebrows shot up as Kieran and Idris exchanged a look. He'd never give up Ascension just because Astarion didn't want to help him. “I suppose I'll simply use another.”

Cazador lifted his staff and Idris was launched off the platform, only a panicked spell from Gale pulled them back and sent them tumbling onto the floor. Their attention was drawn away, no one reacted in time to stop Cazador from pulling Kieran in and sinking his fangs into Kieran's neck.

He may have cried out. Someone may have screamed. He may have even heard his name. But he couldn't be sure.

Cazador's bite was nothing like Astarion’s. When Astarion bit him it stung only for a moment and then he'd feel a bit woozy after but comfortable in his lover’s arms. After weeks of feeding him the bite barely even stung anymore.

When Cazador's fangs pierced flesh right next to the mark Astarion had made, it was worse than a sting. It was like ice and fire all at once. His blood was boiling, burning him from the inside out. His neck was on fire. But as Cazador continued to drain him his limbs grew heavy. He started to shiver from a cold he couldn't feel. He was hardly aware of his surroundings anymore. The fight bled from him until he couldn't even stand. His head lulled and fell unwillingly onto Cazador's shoulder. Still, the vampire didn't stop. 

He imagined it couldn't take long to drain a person of their blood, but what should have been a few moments instead felt like ages. 

He thought of Idris, who took him in and was kind to him no matter what Kieran's Urges screamed at them in the night. Idris, who found them frantic and devastated behind Elfsong and brought him upstairs to tell him that they were his sibling now, no matter his blood. 

He thought of Astarion, his Star. The man who valued freedom and his own life above all else yet stayed by Kieran's side no matter the danger it put him in. The man who was the first to swear to him he was his own person, not Bhaal's, and that he could beat this. The man who was now watching as his tormentor tortured Kieran instead. 

He thought of Orin, not who she became but who she was. The little girl following at Kieran’s heels who delighted in everything about him only for his stupidity to turn her against him. It was too late to save her, but he still wished he'd gotten the chance to try. 

At least now she'll get what she wanted , Kieran thought as his vision turned black. And what better way to spite my father than for his spawn to become the spawn of someone else?

As his vision darkened he felt himself fall weightless. This was it, either he'd die or he'd awaken as one of Cazador's Spawn. As selfish as it was, he wished for the former.

Arms encircled him as he fell into someone's lap. He still shivered, even as he leaned into the warmth of the person's chest. For all he knew it was Cazador but he was just so cold he no longer cared.

“Come now, darling, look at me.”

Astarion.

“Kieran, look at me,” Astarion demanded. More of a plead actually. He could vaguely make out Shadowheart's voice next to him muttering healing spells. “Stay awake, do you hear me? You will not be his, I won't let him have you, I won't .”

“I'm here,” Kieran murmured.

He forced his eyes open, a feat that somehow seemed harder than fighting Cazador's grip. The platform was coated in blood and the bodies of the undead. Astarion's ‘siblings’ were still suspended in the air around them but at least their party was alive. 

It was Astarion's arms he'd fallen into. He was still shirtless, covered in blood and sweat and dirt. He stared down at Kieran with wide eyes. There were so many emotions contained in that one look, but at the front was utter terror and devastation. He searched Kieran’s face while tears fell down his own.

“I'm here,” Kieran whispered and brushed away the tears gathering at his jaw. “I'm here.”

Astarion’s shoulders shook as he inhaled. He still stared, like he expected to find a tell on his face. But of course, there was nothing to be found. Astarion exhaled sharply and curled inward, leaning his forehead against Kieran’s just for a moment. In that moment nothing and no one else mattered. The whole world faded away and its dangers ceased. It was just the feeling of Astarion’s cheeks beneath Kieran’s palm and the feeling of Kieran’s breathing chest in Astarion’s arms.

“What happened to Cazador?” Kieran finally wondered. “Is he dead?”

“Not yet,” Astarion growled and looked to the standing coffin in the middle of the chamber, now surrounded by that same blood-red light. Kieran nodded and forced his feet underneath him. Before Astarion could even protest, Idris appeared at Kieran’s side to hold him up.

“I'll be fine, just need a really really long nap,” Kieran insisted. He nodded toward the coffin. “Finish this.”

Astarion stalked forward and ripped Cazador from the coffin, tossing him carelessly onto the floor. When he picked up the dagger Kieran knew exactly what he was thinking. All he had to do was carve the runes on his back onto Cazador’s and he could take Astarion’s place in the ritual, exactly what Cazador had planned to do to Kieran. Kieran took a deep breath, ready to protest, but Astarion looked to him first. As soon as their eyes met that greed fell as his eyes darted to the blood coating Kieran’s neck.

“No,” Astarion decided. “I can, will , be better than you. But I'm not above enjoying this.”

And when he finally dropped the knife, freed the spawn, and was left broken to stare at his old master’s corpse Kieran still stumbled forward and took his blood-soaked hands.

“Come on, Star,” Kieran said. “Let's go home.”

[wizardemotions]

some very scattered thoughts on slytherin harry (and also the platinum quartet in general), under a readmore for you and my convenience:

my personal slyth harry is still gonna grow up and take over as DADA professor, because imho taking him out of hogwarts, the first place he ever felt at home, the place he met, like, damn near everyone he cares about, is contradictory and at worst character murder.

pq harry still starts up the DA under pressure not just from ron and hermione but also draco this time (a draco who is already terrified over what side his father is going to come down on, and a draco who is deeply and increasingly aware of how he *will* have to fight) but i figure that the name is actually rather up for debate. only reason DA would win out is gryffindor influence. there's other contenders tho (including salazar's heralds, courtesy of draco, because they MILKED the "harry is the heir of slytherin!!!" thing for all it was fucking worth in second year. half the school is still convinced he *is* the heir of slytherin and just sorta beat a usurper's ass with his big fuckoff snake)

furthermore, DADA prof slyth harry also takes over from snape as head of slytherin house --

-- and on the note of good ol severus, this is a severitus household. even if he doesn't take the leo inter serpentes route and does not straight up adopt harry, seeing mini james potter with jumpscare lily eyes get sorted slytherin alongside an entire weasley and watching them both befriend draco Fucking malfoy (and furthermore watch said malfoy befriend a muggleborn gryffindor girl) is enough of a shock to sev's system he can approach harry a little less on the defensive from the jump. this is deeply hilarious to me, because i think that slyth harry would be much more like james than canon harry - as in, i think slytherin as a house is an environment that fosters a bit of ego, because it doesn't discourage pride in oneself. and by god do i think james had an ego for a bit there

and on the note of severitus! i also think that in this particular au, remus sirius and severus are all sorta parental figures, and remus seeing severus care so deeply for his dead best friend's kid is plenty for him to try and get along w sev. this just leads to remus n severus being, like, pretty cool w each other, and remus having an "okay boys. get along for harry's sake. and also mine please" moment w sev n sirius. (do i think the three of them should also bang? yeah obviously but that's not relevant to harry's story. i digress lmfao)

if i were to write this thing (and i don't know if i will but i would love to see it realized so i might have to at least try) i think that harry would need a bit of a rival slash annoyance in the vein of canon draco, and i think it'd have to be a little gryffindor who fully believed the "slytherin is Thee Evil House" bullshit, who'd end up foreshadowing the horcrux in the very first book by telling harry they thought voldy left a bit of himself behind and that's why harry is in slytherin. idk who that would be but i think id have to workshop it a little.

finally i also think i would have to write it a little grittier than canon. not like, too grimdark, but definitely just realistic - some grit, some goof, some sweetness, and some despair, much like the real world is

this was very scattered but i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this au

[sadevergreen]

as a camp counselor (technically not currently bc i went home for Illness) and homestuck fan (also technically not currently bc I'm too busy being a camp counselor) i love camp skaia. which homestuck characters are most likely to be the "we're ALL sick there's no reason you can't do the hike up the hill" (has mild cold and vague heatsickness at worst) counselor x "actual lung infection but thinks it's a really normal cold" (very easily gaslit) counselor program group pair? i feel like eridan and kanaya are hot contenders here

ooo ok this is so good- apologies for the ever loving hell that you are about to see but i sought assistance from my dear dear pale friend @marv3l-drag0ns !!!!!!!! MUAH PLATONICALLLY <> ILY they were a huge help in putting this together

BOY DO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ON THIS, THIS WAS EXTREMELY FUN :D

so let’s begin: my immediate instinct was kanaya and tavros are the most easily gaslit, or adhere most to given direction (we’re not going to talk about HIM). but then who to pair them with? they are both wet cats that won’t work. we decided that YES kanaya and eridan definitely make sense! but in which role? it may seem obvious but NO! eridan too sick? whiny fussy pitiful sopping kitty he’s just a beanbag full of milk! so we decided barely sick eridan, otherwise he’d be throwing a fit. instead he’s referring to his Superior Genes! and kanaya is. strugglin. but fuck man here we are 🤷‍♂️

But we’re not done yet!

the next we considered was karkat and terezi!! especially aided through the lens of karkat’s old crush on terezi; he’s too whipped and in denial to deny a girl a hand!

this led to possibly the funniest thing ever: THE INNER KANKRI THAT EVERYONE HAS AND HE SITS ON YOUR SHOULDER AND REMINDS YOU TO BE DECENT AND LEAVE ROOM FOR KANKRI

for the bigger drawings i capped it off with a good ol favorite of mine; erifef. why did i like them? man idek anymore but it worked really well with the idea of eridan being the sicker one, but being ok such thin ice over his constant whining that he just has to go along with it we just though it was funny hehe. it can be viewed through any lens! snippy or non, s’all good here! it’s all canon.

what is he was sick and he couldn’t whine 🥺 what is he was sick and he wasn’t allowed even a snivle about it 🥺 not a snort 🥺 or a sob 🥺 he’s so pathetic !!!! besides, he can’t be out paced by some fuckin kids!!!! HES A GROWN ADULT 16-18 Y/O CAMP COUNSELOR GODDAMNIT!!

MARVEL: “Feferi: ah yes your sickness you have a functioning immune system and are the most dramatic guy on planet earth (only one of those statements is true)” which statement? :) yeah

she doesn’t believe him anymore <333

Ok and that is it for full line art doodles, but!!! i couldn’t resist drawing some more pairs we pondered

ERIDAN AND KARKAT: omfg so good!! but they would 100% either both be tooooo sick and dead, or they would both be mostly fine

VRISKA AND TAVROS: no. and you know why we’re not doing this one :,( we all instantly knew this one would be here but we are choosing to ignore it im favor of…

TAVROS AND KARKAT: Marvel proposed it and it was very interesting!! i think similar to eridan and karkat, where they’re both dead or both barely sick. no i’m between. aggressive yet positive motivation (?) for the win!!! they further proposed that karkat “eats dirt for a living and doesn’t get sick very often”

Overall this was really fun to put together and answer, and i had a blast getting to colab with a mutual along the way :3 so thank you anon and thank you marvel!! this does bring me to something i’ve been meaning to say,,.,,,

@marv3l-drag0ns ,,? we’ve been friends forever, you know my dogs middle name, we complete each other in a way no one else can! you stop me from eating bones i find on the road, and i stop you from ascending to godtier to avoid going to exams…,…

would you be my

Moirail? <>

anyways! that’s all for now <3 this was so fun :) please send in more asks/ requests like this if you ever think of any more! i definitely feel for the camp counselor piece cause that was me earlier this summer PFF and all the counselors got sick and passed something around (but hey! it was an excuse to sit away from 7 y/olds for a few minutes while i got tea for my sore throat)

[davekat-sucks]

the implication i got was that kanaya realized that rose was just her rebound from vriska all along and she never got over her, which is why she started to sympathize with jade's first world issues. also rose said that this wasnt the first time she used her dead mother in an argument, but it doesnt matter because rose knows kanaya is an enabler and will forgive her anyways. its all so fucking foul on both sides.

also funny how both kanaya and karkat used the humans as rebounds.

Yep. Kanaya using Rose as a rebound was kind of a thing back in the old fandom days. It's noticeable in Act 6 too because of how much she tries to be close with Rose becoming alcoholic and not doing a single damn thing to address the issue. It makes it worst by Post Retcon since Vriska is alive and now Kanaya can have TWO girlfriends still around. And it got worse when she adopted a cerulean to name her VRISSY. People paint Kanaya at that point as still not getting over Vriska. Fans of Kanaya want her to move on from the bad girl phase. She should be around people that are actually good like Karkat. Because the last time she had trusted someone who is awful, she got KILLED for it. Eridan was the final straw that she began to have trust issues. Kanaya using Rose as a rebound is now seen as bad. But you know it will never be said the same for Karkat with Dave. Because homosexuals are better than women. The nu-fandom doesn't think Rosemary is progressive as it used to be. They now prop Davekat as the true LGBT symbol. Sorry folks, but there are other lesbians that people like more and Rosemary ain't one of them. They aren't even top contenders like Bubbline, Garnet (Ruby and Sapphire), Poison Ivy x Harley, Undyne x Alphys, Utena x Anthy, or even recently Chaggie. Some could argue it's because those series are at least big named compared to Homestuck. But isn't this the same fandom that praised the comic for Rosemary being one of the few LGBT ships in a WEBCOMIC? Especially when it was around 2009-2012, way before LGBT was accepted in places like America and other countries. That the Internet was one of the few places to express whatever you want without consequence. So why isn't it talked about like the other ships? Because Homestuck is irrelevant and not important as it was.