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Panic Attack
(QUICK THING BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE- I added an aftermath to the last comic that is kinda needed to properly understand this one, & just in case some of y'all haven't seen it, just go to "←prev" down below and it should be properly linked up )
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I like to think that, while Leo has seen & helped Donnie through panic attacks before, Donnie has rarely, if ever seen Leo go through a panic attack; hence why he is unsure what would be best to help Leo right now. so he does what he knows how to; relay information and facts. His voice helps ground Leo through it.
#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt donnie#scrolls art#rottmnt art#rottmnt leo#rottmnt fanart#rottmnt comic#rottmnt#Kraang!Leo au#IM VERY NERVOUS ABOUT POSTING THIS ONE#I'VE NEVER HAD A PANIC ATTACK MYSELF AND GOOGLE AND OTHER SOURCES CAN ONLY GIVE ME SO MUCH#im very worried that i haven't represented the boy having a panic attack well#panic attack#also being experimental again#i like my colors man#ALSO#Clover if youre reading this i got the “he hasn't been talking” idea from your theory :)#last thing#i wonder how many people pick up on the little details i put in this :)
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haven't drawn funger in ages sorry guys pkmn special interest called . saw a post abt pav's awful posture in his half/fullbody and needed to draw Something
#one time i think hed ever admit to being old is to complain#still hope he dies btw that hasnt changed love u all ❤❤❤#shoutout to carol again abella pav stupid friendship realness#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#f&h#f&h2t#fear and hunger 2: termina#pav fear and hunger#abella fear and hunger#thought itd also be so funny to get experimental and play around w bright colours here#bc f&h is So grey (for good reason!!!) jus thought itd be funny to draw funger ppl w vibrant colours
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GUUUYYUYSSSD !!!!!
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
KIMONO MY HOUSE VINYL!!!!!!
Also funny story which is that when my brother took these to the cashier he said something like "oh... Sparks... they were here one year ago"
#YES THEM BEING THERE IS EXACTLY WHY I TOLD MY BROTHER TO GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE ('there' being tower records in japan)#but i find it so funny that the cashier actually remarked on that fact too#anyway. you need to know that i'm feeling so very AAAAHHHH right now. all of these are such a big deal to me#i didn't think i'd actually own KMH ON VINYL at any point#also utterly shocked about the guerilla toss CD. very exciting to have that one too#they're one of my fav bands and i implore everyone who likes unhinged and very experimental and cacophonic rock to check them out#this album (eraser stargazer) isn't the most accessible thing there is out there but i really love it#(i don't even know how to describe it properly. it's just really something to behold anyway)#the plushie is also a gift from my brother!! i'll gladly take any name suggestions for him#oh and also sparks debut album. first album that i own both on CD and vinyl as of today#it's not even that it's my fav sparks album or anything (i do really love it though and it's definitely somewhere in my top ten)#it's just that some albums feel more like they 'fit' with the vinyl format than CD in sound. to me at least#one other example of that besides this one being gratsax#ok i think that's all i have to say about this. one of the most epic hauls of my life that's for sure#OH WAIT one more thing. somewhat unfortunate actually#which is that my brother said he's pretty sure he saw a latte vinyl#but when he passed by that section again like 10 minutes later he already couldn't find it. oh latte.......#it's ok i'll have it one day. i'm really curious what went down there though. did someone really snag it in those 10 minutes???#and yes in case you're worried i did thank my brother profusely for getting me all this#and now i'm going to force him to listen to the TMBG vinyl with me so that he's PREPARED FOR THE CONCERT#that's in 3 months and that he's know about for a year and a half. ok i'm done now#goosepost
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me any time I like a character: hmm what if they were also in a lab. what then. what if they were the subject of unethical experimentation. what if their body and mind were owned as a medical resource leading them to always feel like a freak and chronically fear losing their autonomy. wouldn't that be fascinating. btw I am normal and do not have trauma nor autism
#once again the syndrome of shadow the hedgehog being my all time actual favorite character if im honest#also yes im formulating sanji ideas for a possible fic#i am predictable#character writing#tropes#labs#unethical experimentation#trauma#autism
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Okay I'm gonna stop talking about him now but todd rundgren is just everything to me cuz who else could have made my all time favorite snappy 3 minute power pop anthem and my all time favorite 30 minute sidelong prog rock epic within 2 years of eachother
#also just like duh but i will never stop being in awe of his production techniques and sonic experimentation and like#the way he did Everything on so many of his records#which is nothing to say of him producing so many of my favorite records by other people 😭 fuckkkkk#i dont know why the last two days he jumped to the front of my mind again like ive been crazy about him for a year#but sometimes i think about him too hard and black out for a few days but ill be fine now.
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someone remind me to write up my fh disability theory reading meta at some point
#ive got something. it's gonna overlap a bunch with the transhumanism theme and discuss ortegas internalised ableism#alongside the allegories of the enhanced for disability + racism/disability/poverty/queerness (cigs inherent queerness of fh post is inspo)#mostly started with thinking abt the parallels between sura and ortega and how they choose to deal with their disability#some similar and some wildly different#i love that so much of the cast is disabled and in such a variety of ways#owl lost her legs during the nanosurge and ortegas highly experimental mods let them walk again and enhance their agility/strength#+ other things (at Extreme cost.)#chen is multiply disabled with the multiple amputations and the gut issues#argents got the nanovore stuff and chronic pain#sidestep is autistic coded! also the paingate being broken can be an allegory for chronic pain/fatigue. no longer being able to push through#like they used to.#ramblings#fh meta
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a mind palace’s (unasked for) renovations [DO NOT TAG AS SHIP]
bonus under the cut:
white mushroom more like “butlershroom.”
anyway. yep! my headcanon is that the mushroom series of heartless were essentially like early versions of ansem. experiments to see if creating a heartless with a will of its own were even possible. (the mushrooms just wanna play charades and go on nice walks! they wont steal your heart because their instincts tell em’ to! they’ll only snatch it if they feel like it <3) how can you make an “immortal” successor if they cant even understand the research you left for them? so thats why they were created!
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#re:kh#ansem#riku#ansem you cant slutspread infront of the children …#<- in his defense he wasn’t expecting riku to walk in#i feel like ansem craves attention but also wants to be left alone but also wants someone to talk to but also#he loves to ponder about his own existentialism but as soon as hes asked about it he changes the subject#hes been alone for so long and was never allowed to make friends with anyone that he doesn’t understand friendship#perhaps riku will be the one to show him#in short. yes ansem will be getting a redemption arc of sorts. but hes going to be really annoying about it.#his arrogance was his downfall and he loves being an annoying little shit <3#love youuuu 🥰🥰🥰#ansem infodumping but it’s about human experimentation and not a novel series from the hollow bastion library#is a thought thats really funny to me.#also if youre confused about ansem still being in rikus heart. in my rewrite he doesnt ‘die’ in kh2#the blast of light only causes ansem to go dormant until in my dream drop rewrite#‘something’ happens (im not telling) that causes him to reawaken and he attempts to take control again. which ends poorly for ansem#(riku defeats him again)#riku wont get rid of ansem. because he is tied to riku’s darkness. riku claims ansem is going to have to live with this. and that hes#already accepted this fact. ansem just needs to do the same.#so ansem begrudgingly resigns to his fate. but this isnt enough for riku. he wants to do something he never thought he would ever do#maybe his friends are rubbing off on him but. riku wants to see if maybe….. they could be friends? perhaps? this isnt going to work …#.. is it?#you’re grasping for straws here boy. give it up.
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It's difficult to describe growing up my entire life thinking my copy of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 was in fact simply All Dogs Go To Heaven.
The last thing I remember from this property was watching An All Dogs Christmas Carol.
I have located the first movie, which I have never seen.
THE TONE SHIFT. IS. RATHER JARRING, FOLKS.
Imagine if you always thought that The Secret of Nimh 2 was the actual movie The Secret of Nimh... and then one day you saw the original.
#original#all dogs go to heaven#don bluth#dom deluise#what the FUCK is going on?? did this dog jusf a#*did this dog just ADOPT A HUMAN CHILD#I'll be honest I'm skimming because I'm afraid of getting too sad right before bed.#it is by its nature about dogs dying so#but also it about HELL maybe#so#I mean so is the 2nd one but there were some weird 90s animated animal sequel Vibes that are a different flavor to this#this is like some secret of nimh shit. don bluth you old rascal you!#as I remember at the original secret of nimh is a super dark intense SCARY animated kids movie that I grew up on and have fond feelings on#and the sequel to this chilling tale of animal experimentation and mutation and torture and magic...#a big ol' MUSICAL with funny animal friends! - mind you it has been a minute...#the secret of nimh#secret of nimh#I remember the animation being fucking beautiful. I'll have to check it out again.#okay great [sarcasm] it's time for some racist animation bc ofc it is. skipping ahead to cat satan....#oh jesus even on fast forward this is very bad#this dog is her dad i giess#*i guess#that's fine. i mean he's a bad father but#is Charlie a fucking mob boss what is happening i skipped too far ahead i will watch it thru later the edibles haaave hit#omg charlie is a terrible father#unrelated but the way they animate this anthro dog in this movie would have turned me into a furry for sure if i had seen it as a kid#which if anything is a missed opportunity. I'd probably be a better artist if i was! someday they'll accept my application...��#these dogs are gay
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an uncle nina check in <3
hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333
i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<
i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!
and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.
however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...
makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333
so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,
uncle nina xx
#nina speaks#hi my loves#idk what the point of this was#i just know my blog is really inconsistent and i know i dont really post anything or anything that useful#but i wanted you to know that i love you very much and i still care a lot about all of you and all my content actually#which i have been fleshing out in notebooks and google docs i've been doing lots of world building and character study#so feel free to ask me something challenging about any part of my nina sp auniverse that interests u itll make my brain work#i've also been taking very silly but dilligent notes abt what ravesey style looks like for ter so if u want to laff at those u can#i just love taking notes on detail and understanding exactly what characters look like or what settings appear like idk#might be some experimental writing on here i like doing different mediums like i was being silly#and started writing a netflix trailer for rm haha i also have been doing weird personality tests and questionnaires#i've been trying to think very deeply about tkak and my tfbw styles if u have any questions there and am deep plotting rm#trying to be impactful while also keeping things fun and learning to enjoy myself again i suppose#so again thakn u for being here sorry its weird on here but thank u for supporting me as i learn and grow my sunshines#also ik i have a ton of asks and uve already asked me so many things so never feel inclined to message me#but i love hearing what ur curious about hopefully i can answer some stuff eventually but again im on a break#i'm here but i'm not this is a safe place we try and fail we have fun and promote style world domination thru my weird styles#ilysm i'm shutting up now i promise i'm still here i'm just trying to be healthy and happy esp rn when i am not emotionally well#gotta protect my peace and my vibe palace but im still here!#MWAH MWAH MWAAAAAH#really trying to heal my inner child or like the girl in me that liked to write silly stories and create crazy things#weird hcs big dramatic plots silly stuff...i want to honor that girl because she was happy and free and had fun#and i want to do that again so lets have fun guys#no judgement no seriousness just good vibes and good reads#welcome to the uncle nina learns to laugh again arc#i hope you enjoy it
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I'm really glad elyss came several years before melliwyk, because mel's alignment shift from chaotic neutral to chaotic good sometimes feels a little embarrassing in an 'I can't keep my own feelings to myself for the sake of committing to the bit' sort of way, but the counterpoint to that is that elyss, steadfastly true neutral, just simply Does Not Care about anyone other than her own loved ones or anything outside her own immediate interest no matter how much I sometimes wish she would
#she has a soft spot for children but that's the only real exception. other people's problems are none of her business!#she's not gonna look for your kidnapped husband or whatever unless the paladin wants to (he wants to. this is my loophole as a player lol)#whereas *I* wanna befriend and adopt every NPC and do quests and help people out of genuine desire to help#melliwyk is still more self-interested than not but at the end of the day she fundamentally really is a good person#she just lost track of it for awhile. being around people again has reminded her that she cares about people actually#she IS bothered by needless suffering. she IS smart enough to recognize when smart people handwave 'necessary sacrifices' to be cruel#she DOES oppose evil on principle rather than just because of how it directly affects her or her friends and family--#not just passively and in general but actively enough to want to do something about it herself#and I dunno it's nice. it's nice that it feels like that's not just me muddying the waters with my desires as a player--#but that it's just something *neither* of us realized when I started playing her but that was nonetheless always true#and honestly I also think it's nice that elyss is Like That but that I don't think there's anything wrong with her for it#she's not evil! she's not hurting anyone who didn't deserve it! she's literally just trying to mind her own business#she's not going to needlessly or carelessly hurt people just for her own gain like early campaign melliwyk would have#she's true neutral like a wild animal is true neutral and That's Fine#the ONE downside I suppose with mel is that 'NICE does not mean GOOD' is compelling to me#especially when your stereotypical chaotic neutral dnd character is an edgelord asshole#but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe if her field of study had more opportunities for human experimentation lmao#melliwyk the experimental necromancer or behaviorist or summoner has a different relationship with ethics I have no doubt#melliwyk has READ studies with Dubious Ethics and gone 'I mean they couldn't have GOTTEN results like this otherwise'#really the biggest difference between Good Melliwyk and Neutral Melliwyk is opportunity for temptation. which is also compelling#my OCs#melliwyk#elyss
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wanna play the sims soooo baaaaad but bg3 takes up so much space I can't update it </3 maybe I'll ask N to help me clean out some stuff bc I simply Do Not Know things about computers lmao
#rAMbles#I'm also mourning my laptop that stopped working three years ago again#mostly bc i had so many interesting academic pdfs saved that i didn't appreciate in college and want to read again#i gotta try to remember that one website that has SOOOO many experimental films on it that i used my university's library login for...#i wonder if I'd still have access to it#maybe I'll reach out to my old professor and ask if he has any new site recommendations#j**** r******* you will forever be one of the best professors I've ever had!!!!#omg one day we just drew on 10ft of 35mm and he played it through a projector.. man that was a cool day#lemme dig up my notes from that class and research all the artists he shared again..#I'm thinking about his notes saying the work i created in his class was on par with grad level work and... auuuughhh i miss making video art#i was so spoiled using 4k cameras and professional mics and access to several video editing programs#time to ask N to find me rips of them i think :) i loved editing i was just too high and depressed in college to make more work#ugh maybe I'll ask my friend if i can use her mac so i can transfer some work i have on my mac only harddrive onto a flashdrive.. hmm...#okay rambling done i just really miss being a video artist#i lied last thought.. i really want to make a documentary again#OKAY BYE
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Trying to find something to go with these tights? I don’t have a lot of bright clothes that match them, so went more in a mixing it with lighter colors sort of direction, maybe sort of sky themed (rainbow with the blue and white clouds)?
#self#ootd#should I start tagging things as that?? lol.. I mot sure how to tag things like this that are. not costumes really. just outfits. but not a#specific style or anything. just like experimental#I need more cloud print items also.. there just arn't many of them. OR actually. There are not many of them if you're someone like me who#pretty much exclusively gets clothes at places like the bins and thrift stores. All of the cloud print items I have are the small like 0.5%#of my wardrobe gotten from ebay in the past 10 years. I have never seen a cloud print thing out in the wild actually#OR sometimes you finally find stuff that's sky/cloud themed but it's like... a washcloth for babies. instead of a shirt. ... sad#they probably do have them and you can maybe get them at stores sometimes but. hhhh.....#Buying things new is so stinky. everything costs over $10 >:( why.. why cost mony >:(#I think once you get used to everything being like 25 cents an item to MAYBE $8 or something at a real thrift store#going to online or in person stores and seeing stuff like a cloud dress but it's $65 is like.......... I could never. I could never fathom#I mean. I WOULD pay $65 for a dress if it was literally like. Exactly every specific thing I love all in one and I know I would never find#it again in my entire life and could not make it myself and etc. etc. Like a pastel blue and white historical style dress with#puffy sleeves that goes down to the ankles and has a high ruffled collar and also has a pattern with cats and clouds and stars on it and the#sleeves and striped and there's lace and bows and things dangling from the cuffs and part of it is irridescent and there are long buttons or#lacing or some other elaborate details and tassles somewhere also and it's layered and 3 sizes too big for me so it's not tight#or etc. etc. I would pay maybe $80 for that. Perhaps $100 if it came with accessoriy bits (like a ruffled fancy apron or shawl or hisorical#bonnet or matching gloves that also had cats on them etc. ) - but otherwise. No.#ANYWAY. for someone who loves clouds SO much. I have so little actual cloud themed clothing and house things lol#If I had a billion dollars though... >:) I would give 80% of my money to charity obligatory but what I had left I would use to have like.#the most Themed house ever. so much clouds and also cats. rug shaped like clouds. a cloudy sky mural on every cieling.#full wardrobe of cloud print cloaks and stuff. so on and so forth lol
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anyway finally finished girls to the front. obviously had a lot of opinions about it. i have a lot more respect for the day-to-day lived realities of riot grrls and the underground community fostered. but like. man. is the music so secondary. my main critique of riot grrl is it took many of those bands growing out of the movement amd growing up to hit something truly, artistically great (music-wise).
#i think about marcus calling dc punk like. musically rigorous (in a way she was implying was 'macho' to a degree)#and how (1) most of the dischord stuff was still very much diy it was just naturally growing more experimental in a posthardcore landscape#but also (2) i dont think thats inherently.... a bad thing???? i guess i just dont see practicing a lot nd being passionate about your craf#as unpunk or some chauvinist methology that keeps girls out#like yes. allowing women the space to be imperfect. important! bc women arent allowed to play annoying shitty juvenile music#but that doesnt mean naturally developing as a musician and valuing tenchique and theory spits in the face of that#also of course sara marcus' perspective is pretty wack its easily the drawback of the book#she makes a lot of snap judgements and incorporates odd grudges that make me not trust her wholeheardly#lots of heroworship too.#the jessica hopper stuff is the most wild bc ive now become invested in hoppers like. career and shit#and even as someone who disagrees woth hopper on a lot i thought the book went Out Of Its Way#to shit on her in a way that kind of directly ruins her reputation as a music critic and such#and its so disheartening bc theres no grace given at all.#like again these were young girls and women- im willing to imagine theyve grown and changed and evolved#but marcus doesnt really care#or at least never interrogates that in the text itself#anyway! still positive experience to have a concise timeline and such#my posts
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2022 lil art wrapup (template found on twitter!) :3 I made a lot of progress this year wrt drawing more of whatever I felt like just because it makes me happy, and it felt really good! Lookin to keep that energy going moving forward 💕
#artists on tumblr#... idk what else to tag this lol#art meme#digital art#that blue only made the favorite colors list because I usually sketch in blue or purple#and I did a lot of sketches and doodles this year that I just left as uncolored sketches or doodles in blue or purple pencil lol#I also really didn't get too adventurous with trying new techniques or anything?#like I don't usually do finished drawings in full monochrome pencil but that wasn't intentionally experimental or anything#other than that it was fun to go back through this year's art to see what else to put in 'favorite subjects'#and be like 'oh-- aside from that I drew Mel like 40 times this year again which I already knew--'#'this is all just... fun little ideas that made me laugh or OCs being supportive and affectionate or happy and comfortable...!'#2022 really was the year of making art because making art brings me joy#and tbqh I think my art is better for it! I'm drawing MORE and I'm having FUN what a CONCEPT
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watching FMA for the first time ever and man. Man. Why did no one tell me this has all my favorite tropes and horrors <3
#not to sound insane but. i love shows and anime especcially that delve into human experimentation and soul based experiments#when i was like 7 my i saw one ep and didnt understand so i never tried again. regret#ive been really missing the way late 90s and early 2000s anime was too so this is just like. generally a good fix for me#your body being permanently changed in a way foreign to you that changes others perspective on you? never feeling complete?#love that shit#i love al so so so much since of that. and man. the duality of him and ed in moral discussions i love#i also love how with al there's so much of feeling like you aren't human i can relate to#not being able to remember how the people closest to him feel since his senses are gone. not being able to remember if he ever had friends#like does he even truly age? it raises so many questions that to be fair they ad characters dont want to consider#im only on ep20 of the 2003 fma series right now#i feel like there's so much i dont know its wild#fma#anime#august squawks#tag rambles
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Just saw the most majestic kaveh cosplay and I looked into the comments and saw the foulest comment I’ve ever seen and it barely made sense cause of typos I click the ops profile AND OP IS SIXTEEN 😧
#THE COMMENTER SAID THAT ABOUT A SIXTEEN YR OKD WAT THE HECK#dora daily#but genuinely tho that kaveh looked like he came from the heavens#like Allah blessed him like he blessed prophet Youssef#I kid you not like guys listen#that kaveh was the prettiest human being I’ve had the liberty of witnessing 😔#actually backtracking onto prophet Youssef I often was intrigued by him cause how did those ladies get so distracted by a man they cut#their hands accidentally cause they were so distracted#because I can’t really tell physical attractiveness so I’m often very perplexed by this concept of someone being so attractive they’re like#causing you to start tweaking#I only know the standards of conventional attractiveness in a very cohesive logical analysing manner 😭#and therefore I get nervous when I’m next to conventionally attractive people cause it feels like they have status ?? IDK LOL#but the only time I’d really say someone is beautiful is if I also know their personality too like oh you’re “aesthetically pleasing” kinda#but look at that your personality is gorgeous that makes you so handsome / pretty#it makes me confused why so many men pick women they can’t stand just cause they’re pretty cause#like#wdym you picked he cause she’s pretty what else is her prettiness gonna really make you happy for life what if she’s annoying what if your#personalities don’t vibe what is her prettiness gonna do for you then#personally if there was a pretty guy but his personality is ugly I would literally see him as an ugly person#it’s just interesting seeing how others perceive things truthfully#ANYWAYS#I got distracted hi again back on topic#I wish I can look as majestic as that cosplayer cosplaying kaveh#and I rlly wanna see what prophet Youssef looks like just for experimental purposes like#what does society deem attractive that sort of thing
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