#also an ass like a range rover

[doingdathockey]

he has the range

[disgustingtwitches]

MDNI

"Told him go put my name on his account

because when I need money, I ain't tryna wait"

Sugar daddy!König x stripper reader. First time you met at the stripclub, he was so nervous to talk to you that he didn't know what to do with himself. He was dressed in a button up and slacks, perfectly tailored to his long limbs and not a wrinkle in sight. He just kept handing you 20s every couple of minutes while you talked to him, sitting on his thigh. You just kept rambling on and on about the newest outfits you've bought and your skincare routine. His jaw was clenched hard while he focused on listening to you, trying to ignore his painfully hard dick tucked up into his waistband. It made him feel so special when you gave him your number. Of course it was a fake number you gave every customer so you can let them know when you're coming to work. But he didn't know any better. He lost it when he got a text from you the following week,

"Working today! Come see me?❤️"

He didn't know you were just clicking through the list of customers on your texting app and sending the same message. He got at the club two hours before you even stepped into the changing room. He'd awkwardly shoo away other dancers away saying he was waiting for you. It was the same thing every time you worked; sitting on his thigh talking about frivolous things while he handed you 20s. He didn't even get a lap dance from you until a solid two months of coming to the club. And when it finally did happen, you could see the deep shade of red his face turned even in the dim lights. He didn't even properly say goodbye before leaving the club. Practically sprinted to his car, desperately undid his slacks and aggressively fucked his fist in the parking lot. Every detail of you vividly emblazoned in his mind despite how dark it was. Slammed his hand down his aching shaft repeatedly, imagining it was your perfect ass bouncing up and down on him. Wondered if your skin tasted as good as it smelled. He spills a hot thick load on his button up, whimpering. Staring at the ceiling of his car; he's thankful for the tinted windows on his Range Rover.

As the months went on, he would bring gifts to the club; watches, earrings, bags, even skincare products that you brought up when you first met. Your coworkers oohed and ahhed, talked about how lucky you are to have such a hot guy be your top client. How it was even better that he barely talked.

One day he timidly asks for your real name before handing you a fat stack of 20s, promising he'll keep it a secret. You were gonna tell him either way, but the money didn't hurt. You even gave him your real number. You already liked him, you were just afraid to complicate things. He promised he would keep it simple. Just let him take care of you: How could you say no?

So you went on your first date together. Met up right outside the restaurant. Both of you got a better look at each other now that you weren't in a dark club, it was so weird seeing him for the first time while not wearing a skimpy bikini. You still had the same effect on him though: the dress you wore made him so hot under the collar, he could melt right then and there. Also, he was used to you being...taller? It was probably the impossibly tall shoes you donned at work. But there you were, in normal heels (even they were high, though). He still towered over your either way. He was somehow even hotter in this light, subtle scars across his face and sleepy eyes that were accentuated by annoyingly long lashes.

You were the only people in the restaurant which was unexpected because of how popular it was. (He had bought the whole place out, of course. He just couldn't imagine being distracted by other people while trying to impress you on your first real date.) As usual, he smiled when you touched his arm or laughed at your own joke. As usual, you were the one leading the conversation. As usual, he only spoke when you asked him a question.

At the end of the date, instead of calling a cab to take you home; you asked him to drive you. Then you asked him to walk you up to your place. Then you asked him to come in for tea. Then you asked him to rail you over the kitchen island. He turned a darling shade of pink that made you giggle.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to..."

He stood awkwardly in your kitchen, shifting uncomfortably.

"No, I really want this. I promise."

You assured him, stepping closer and wrapping your arms around his neck. He swallowed hard, and blinked. He felt so guilty because he didn't want to take advantage of you. But God did he want you in a way that was downright wicked. You tugged at his collar and kissed him as he was in the middle of fighting with himself. Your lips were so soft, the softest things he ever kissed. God was it divine.

In the blink of an eye, you were leaning your elbows on the counter with your legs open. Of course he wanted get waterboard by your pussy first but you looked too fucking good bent over in that dress that hugged your curves so well. The way your heels have you standing on the balls of your feet, accentuating your legs and making your ass stick out, he was literally drooling. He slid your dress up and moaned when he saw how soaked you were. Pussy so fat it almost ate up the small thong you were wearing. He gently slid it to the side and got weak in the knees seeing your pretty lips for the first time. He quickly undid his pants, giving himself a couple tugs enjoying the way you swayed your hips. He teased his way inside, swiping his tip through your slick to lube himself up. Almost came right when he stuck his thick tip in. He didn't even slide himself all the way in; afraid to hurt you, no matter how much you begged. It took everything in him to not release until you did. He grit his teeth so hard trying to control himself he gave himself a headache. He made the sweetest moans and whimpers.

"Mein Engel, mein Engel~"

He'd repeat. It was honestly the most noise you've ever heard come from this man. He was obsessed with the way you gripped him. You looked back right into his eyes and begged for him to give you every last inch. He couldn't help himself, he slammed his hips against your ass. Knocked the wind right out of you. His fingers dug into your hips as he lost control of himself; repeatedly digging into you with his fat shaft. Every pump was a bruising kiss to your cervix. It hurt. It was heavenly. Your legs started shaking so bad your knees gave out and he held you up by the hips, just lifting you enough to make your stand on your tiptoes. Fucked you right through your orgasm; he held off for this long, might as well make the most of it. Every pump after that just sent you more into a stupor until he finished inside you, you didn't even realize you were begging for him to do that. Just dick drunk and hypnotized.

You didn't take the cash he offered before he walked out, that would make this whole moment feel transactional, cheapen the moment. You weren't having sex with him because he gave you money. You were having sex with him because you liked him, because he took care of you. And you wanted to take care of him. Oh and you knew after having sex he'd probably give you every cent in his pocket anyway.

As you closed the door you squealed to yourself , God how did you get so lucky? You were just happy wanted to get off to the real thing after touching yourself for months to the thought of him. To be honest, you've wanting to fuck him since you first met him. Saw his hard dick the very first time you were sitting on his thigh.

He paid you to take a day off, then a week off, then a monthly allowance. You quit to just get taken care by him. Never saw a bill, he just paid for it. Gave you enough money to feel secure if you ever split up. He made you an authorized user on his credit card so you could build your credit. Even with the age gap, you looked like a perfect couple walking down the street arm in arm.

Might do a more nasty part 2 LMAO

[leclsrc]

car sex with charles and/or saying I love you thru laughter (#2) or I haunt you in your sleep!!!!!!

shift gears – cl16

Charles picks you up in his Range Rover, which can only mean one thing.

auds here... i cried over ur bday greeting for me this a.m. so naturally i wrote car sex! i love you mackster

nsfw warnings under the cut!

18+ because... car sex, penetrative sex, semi-public setting, use of bunny as a petname, riding, size kink

Days where you get to fuck in the car are obvious and numbered, because those are the same days Charles picks you up in his black Range Rover instead of an obscenely showy red Ferrari (because the low ceiling will never grant either of you the patience to ride him). Half the time this car pulls up at your flat, you barely make it to the parking lot elevator you’re never not unscathed, fully dressed, or swollen-lipped.

Those are also the same days he gets back from work trips or races. The same days you have to make it to an event on time and nearly never do. Today is one of those days, which you really should’ve embedded into your head when you decided to wear a dress that ended far above your knees.

When you slid into the passenger seat and felt his eyes on you, his hand on your thigh, lingering. When he asked for a kiss for the road and deepened it, licking into your mouth until your thighs quivered and you were the one asking for his cock, when he instigated it all. When he parked at the far, dark end of the garage of this godforsaken restaurant, ushered you into the backseat, invited you on his spread lap. Pressed open-mouthed kisses all over your bare neck, licking over your collarbones.

“I really can’t be late tonight,” you mouth hotly into his skin, but your words ebb into a whimper at the feeling of his hand sneaking up your tiny dress. “Charles.”

“We’ll be quick, bunny,” he affirms, his rough hand groping at your ass shamelessly. “Missed you too much, putain.” He thumbs at the wet seat of your lace panties, pulling it to the side so he can bully himself into you, and for a minute it’s just you two breathing as you struggle to adjust to the girth of him, always a challenge after he’s away too long. 

Your doe eyes struggle to stay open, fluttering shut when they meet his dark ones. “So big,” you wrench out, your voice on the edge of a sob. 

“Remember what I tell you, baby?” He whispers into the air in-between the both of you. “Say it with me,” he continues, closer and closer to bottoming out.

“We’ll make it fit,” you whimper, finally fully seated on him. You’re clearly struggling already, the burn of lifting yourself up and down slowly, slowly, then faster, taking a toll on you and causing a sheen of sweat to form across your writhing body. “Please, please,” you beg, unknowing what for.

“I know, baby, I know. Feels good, yeah? Hard to stay quiet?”

He watches your pussy swallow all of him again and again, thumbs at your clit to watch you squirm and release sweet sounds, taking his cock like you were made for it. Your stuttered moans rise in volume every time he thrusts upward to meet you, his cock making nasty noises that only get you wetter. You’re so tight, so wet, dripping all over him and your thighs. 

“I can’t take it,” you say, eyes squeezed shut. “I’m—gonna fuckin’—”

He’s doing the work now, thrusting up into you and involuntarily jerking moans of his name past your lips every time his balls slap against you. “Come on, bunny, keep bouncing. Come for me,” he says between his teeth, pressing his hips flush against your ass, so deep you can feel it in your stomach. “You gonna be good, oui? For me?”

“Yes, yes,” you nod dumbly, “don’t stop, please.”

He tells himself you’re both doin a good job of being quiet, staying under the radar. His car’s as hulking as it was ridiculously expensive, and it’s sturdy, so it doesn’t shake much. He repeats the shitty lie to himself as he thrusts into you harder, and this time you’re almost wailing his name, mixed with expletives and pet names of your own making.

You’re squeezing him, gushing down the length of his cock, and he knows he’s not going to last long. “Right there, Charles,” you whimper, “wanted you to fuck me since you picked me up. Wore your favorite pair,” and fuck the pink lace wrung around your hips, this really is his favorite. 

“M’gonna cum if you don’t shut up,” he scolds, pounding into you and feeling just how close you are.

“Yeah, me—me too, baby, I—fill me up, I wan’ it,” you babble, and before you can even inhale, he’s emptying himself inside of you as you release hot and wet around him, his hands everywhere, just dying to get a feel of you underneath the thin material of your dress. My filthy girl, he murmurs into your neck, accent heavier than ever.

Your phone rings three inhales later, and your sweaty hand swipes clumsily to pick up Lando's call.

Hey, dinner’s starting in five.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, trying to not sound as breath-deprived as you are. You already feel the staccato vibrations of your boyfriend against your damp skin at the poorly-hidden lie and hide a laugh of your own. Quietly, he bites at your skin and squeezes the flesh of your waist. I love you, he whispers amidst laughs, at the same time Lando asks: You guys done driving?

You blow a silent kiss, and then clarify: “Just finished.”

[literaryavenger]

Captain America: Civil War

Summary: When on a mission in Lagos things don't go as you expected, Secretary Ross offers the team a solution.

Pairing: Platonic!Avengers x F!Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of violence. Language. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 3K

A/N: It's only half of January and I've already been sick, great! Anyway, basically all the other parts of this story were queued and ready to go, so I got some time to rest but now I'm here writing with a fever! So, if anything doesn't make sense or I missed some mistakes, that's why. Enjoy!

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

After months of tracking down Rumlow, you finally have a chance to get him once and for all.

You’re in Lagos, sitting at a cafe.

“All right, what do you see?” Steve’s voice comes in your ear. You know he’s talking to Wanda, she’s still learning how to be an Avenger.

“Standard beat cops,” she looks around her. “Small station. Quiet street. It’s a good target.”

“There’s an ATM in the south corner, which means…” he trails off letting Wanda finish his sentence.

“Cameras.” she promptly says.

“Both cross streets are one way.” Steve keeps going.

“So compromised escape routes.” Wanda reasons.

“Means our guy doesn't care about being seen, he isn't afraid to make a mess on the way out.” Steve says, “You see that Range Rover halfway up the block?”

“Yeah, the red one?” she asks “It’s cute.”

“It's also bulletproof,” you discreetly point out  ”which means private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody. Probably us.”

“You guys know I can move things with my mind, right?” she says and you smirk.

“Looking over your shoulder needs to become second nature.” Natasha answers from a few tables away.

“Anybody ever tell you you're a little paranoid?” you hear Sam ask and try hard to contain your laughter.

“Not to my face. Why? Did you hear something?” Natasha says and you can see her smirking.

“Eyes on target, folks. This is the best lead we've had on Rumlow in six months. I don't want to lose him.” Steve says in our comms.

“If he sees us coming that won't be a problem.” Sam says. 

“Yeah, he kind of hates us.” you add.

There’s a minute of silence as you all keep an eye on your surroundings, then you hear Steve’s voice again. “Sam, see that garbage truck? Tag it.”

You turn around just in time to see Redwing flying under it to scan the truck.

“Give me X-ray.” Sam orders the drone. “That truck’s loaded for max weight. And the driver’s armed.”

“It’s a battering ram.” Natasha says and your eyes widen a little.

“Go now!” Steve says and before the words are even out of his mouth you’re moving.

“What?” Wanda asks confused.

“He’s not hitting the police.” you say and then you’re all running in the truck’s direction.

Steve and his supersoldier ass get there first, then Sam and Wanda who can fly, while you and Nat are stuck driving your motorcycles as fast as you can, but can still hear the conversation through the comms.

“Body armor, AR-15's.” Steve says “I make seven hostiles.”

You hear some gun fire and then Sam “I make five.”

“Sam.”- Wanda says and, after a few seconds, Sam again “Four.”

“Rumlow’s on the third floor.” Sam says, then Steve says in his Captain voice “Wanda, just like we practiced.”

“What about the gas?”-you hear her ask.

“Get it out.” he orders. You can see the green and red whirlpool from the street.

“Rumlow has a biological weapon.” Steve after a few minutes, just as you and Natasha get there.

“We’re on it.” she says and basically jumps off her motorcycle and it skids into an agent.

You make a sharp turn and come to a sudden stop in front of an agent on your right side, so you push your left leg off the bike and, twisting your body, you kick the guy hard on the stomach while also dismounting the motorcycle.

When you turn around Nat cocks her eyebrow at you and you shrug. “What? I’m not throwing my bike at these assholes.” she rolls her eyes at you as you two keep taking out soldiers.

You can see Nat getting dragged by Rumlow, but you’re too busy fighting off some agents to help her. You vaguely hear him saying ‘I don't work like that no more’ and frown, you manage to take out the last one around you and, just as you turn, you see Rumlow launch a grenade into the truck and say “Fire in the hole.”

You run towards it, knowing Natasha’s probably in it, but it explodes before you can get close and do anything, the door flying and Natasha falling out of it coughing.

Once you’re sure she’s okay, you turn around but Rumlow’s already gone.

“Sam. He's in an AFV heading north.” you hear Steve say and, sharing a nod with Natasha, you get back onto your bikes and run to catch up with the truck.

“I got six, they're splitting up.” Sam says just as you and Natasha get to where they ditched the truck.

Natasha jumps onto a car and then another and you follow her. “I got the two on the left.” she says.

“I got the middle!” you say and start your pursuit.

“They ditched their gear. It's a shell game now.” you hear Steve say as you run after your two guys. “One of them has the payload.”

Just as you manage to catch up to your guys and knock one of them out, you can hear Sam saying “He doesn't have it. I’m empty.”

You quickly take down the other guy and search through them. “I struck out, too.”

Then you hear Natasha say “Payload secure.” and you allow yourself to relax.

“Thanks, Sam.” She adds.

“Don't thank me.” he answers and you frown, confused as you start making your way back.

“I’m… not thanking that thing.” is all Natasha needs to say for you to understand, and you roll your eyes.

“His name is Redwing.” Sam corrects her.

“I'm still not thanking it.” she says.

“He's cute. Go ahead, pet him.” he says and you can’t help but laugh.

Your amusement is cut short as you hear Steve’s grunts, clearly still in a fight and you try to move faster to make your way to him.

You catch up right after Wanda, just as Rumlow says “And you're coming with me.” and activates the bomb vest he’s wearing.

You don’t have time to even try and cover yourself as Wanda keeps the blast contained in a ball around Rumlow, his screams the only thing that can be heard.

She launches him in the air and the ball of energy explodes too close to the building next to it, setting a couple of floors on fire.

As you all watch in horror, you barely register Steve asking Sam for Fire and Rescue as you put your hands on Wanda’s shoulders and turn her away from the building. You let her rest her head on your shoulder as she starts crying, your own shocked attention still on the building.

This is not good.

-

It’s been a rough couple of days for the team after the mission in Lagos.

You’re all back at the compound now, and you’re on your way to the conference room to wait there for Tony when you pass Wanda’s room and hear her talking to Steve.

“Rumlow said ‘Bucky’ and… all of a sudden I was a 16-year-old kid again, in Brooklyn.” Steve pauses “And people died. It's on me.”

“It's on both of us.” Wanda counters.

“This job…” Steve starts “we try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can't find a way to live with that, next time… maybe nobody gets saved.” 

You see Vision approach and keep walking to make your way to the conference room, exchanging a knowing nod with him.

When you get there you’re a little startled to see The Secretary of State, but you sit down at the table in silence.

Once everyone gets there, Steve sits at the head of table, to his left Sam, then Vision and then Wanda, to his right you then Natasha, then Rhodey and Tony is sitting in a chair by himself to the right of the table.

Secretary Ross is on his feet in front of the table and, once everyone takes a seat, he starts talking.

“Five years ago, I had a heart attack. I dropped right in the middle of my back-swing. Turned out it was the best round of my life, because after 13 hours of surgery and a triple bypass… I found something 40 years in the Army had never taught me: Perspective. The world owes the Avengers an unpayable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives… but while a great many people see you as heroes, there are some… who would prefer the word ‘vigilantes’”

“And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?” Natasha asks.

“How about ‘dangerous’?” Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Definitely not the word you were expecting “What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?”

Ross activates a screen behind him and News footage from past Avengers and SHIELD matters flash on the screen as he speaks.

“New York.” A Chitauri leviathan. Terrified citizens. A soldier firing a gun. The Hulk smashes into a building and sends a dust cloud that engulfs the camera. Rhodey looks regretful and he glances behind him at Natasha.

“Washington DC.” The three Insight helicarriers, firing on each other. The destroyed Triskelion. A helicarrier crashing into the Potomac and throwing up a massive wave, engulfing citizens and the camera. You and Sam look at each other, then down.

“Sokovia.” Terrified citizens, running. The city rising. A building falling over. Everyone’s eyes are glued to the screen.

“Lagos.” The burning building. Paramedics moving a body. A dead girl. Wanda is particularly affected by the footage from Lagos. Steve sees this and intervenes.

“Okay. That's enough.” Steve says, looking at Wanda.

Secretary Ross nods to his aide and the images disappear, then he starts talking again.

“For the past four years, you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution.” he places a thick document on the desk and passes it to Wanda. She looks at it and then slides it over to Rhodey. “The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries… it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary.”

“The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place.” Steve points out. “I feel we've done that.”

“Tell me, Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?” Steve looks up and meets Ross's eyes. “If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes… you can bet there'd be consequences.”

You narrow your eyes at him. They’re people, not weapons. Before you can voice your thoughts he goes on. “Compromise. Reassurance. That's how the world works. Believe me, this is the middle ground.” He points at the Accords.

“So, there are contingencies.” Rhodey says, familiar with the politics by now.

“Three days from now, the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords.” Steve glances at Tony “Talk it over.”

He starts to walk away when you speak up for the first time. “And if we come to a decision you don't like?”

Ross stops and looks back at you. “Then you retire.” he deadpans.

You simply nod, trying to stifle a grin and, when you look at Natasha, you can see she’s doing the same.

He leaves with his aide and there’s a moment of silence before you all get up and walk quietly to the common room. Some sitting, some standing and Tony laying down on a chair. And then the discussion starts.

-

“Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honor, which is one more than you have.” Rhodey says to sam. You’ve lost track of how long the team has been discussing.

“So let's say we agree to this thing. How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?”

“117 countries want to sign this. 117, Sam,” He leans in to look at Sam since you’re currently between the two men. “and you're just like, ‘No, that's cool. We got it.’”

“Why am I always in the middle of this?” you say, a little exasperated at the two that are almost glaring at each other now, you make eye contact with Nat and she clearly feels the same way you do.

“How long are you going to play both sides?” Sam says, ignoring your comment.

“I have an equation.” Vision jumps in and everyone looks at him.

“Oh, this will clear it up.” you say sarcastically and cross your arms in front of your chest.

“In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially. And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate.” Vision explains.

“Are you saying it's our fault?” Steve asks.

“I'm saying there may be a causality.” Vision clarifies, before going on “Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict… breeds catastrophe. Oversight… oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand.”

“Boom.” Rhodey says and you roll your eyes while Sam glares at him.

“Tony. You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal.” Natasha points out.

“It's because he's already made up his mind.” Steve says.

“Boy, you know me so well.” Tony says sarcastically and gets up, rubbing his head. “Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache.”

He walks to the kitchen and grabs a mug before continuing. “That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain. It's discomfort- Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

He puts his phone in a basket and taps it, the phone projects an image of a smiling young man. He looks down, then back up, and pretends to notice the picture for the first time. “Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul, before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia.” Everyone is listening to him intently as he seems to be having a little meltdown, but his words are clearly affecting the whole team.

“He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.” He pauses and takes a pill with some coffee, then faces you all. “There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.”

“Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up.” Steve says.

“Who said we're giving up?” Tony promptly answers.

“We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions.” Steve counters. “This document just shifts the blame.”

“I'm sorry. Steve. That- that is dangerously arrogant.” Rhodey says. “This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not SHIELD, it's not HYDRA.”

“No, but it's run by people with agendas, and agendas change.” you interject, seeing Steve’s point.

“That's good. That's why I'm here.” Tony says, pointing at you. “When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stopped manufacturing.”

“Tony, you chose to do that.” you tell him, then Steve talks, nodding at you.

“She’s right. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.” Steve says.

“If we don't do this now, it's gonna be done to us later.” Tony reasons. “That's the fact. That won't be pretty.”

“You're saying they'll come for me.” Wanda speaks up for the first time since this discussion started.

“We would protect you.” Vision says confidently.

“Could we?” you say and everyone looks at you, so you elaborate. “If we don’t sign this we’re criminals for even trying to keep her safe. If we do sign, it’ll be our job to come for her if we get ordered to.”

There’s a moment of silence while you all think about this, before Natasha speaks up. “Maybe Tony's right.”

You all look at her, surprised. “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off-” she gets interrupted by Sam.

“Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?”

“He’s not wrong, Tasha.” You add.

“I'm just… I'm reading the terrain.” She explains. “We have made… some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

“Focus up.” Tony says and looks at Natasha, clearly amused. “I'm sorry, did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?” you roll your eyes.

“Oh, I want to take it back now.”

“No, no, no. You can't retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case closed--I win.”

They all start to talk over each other, but you’re focused on Steve’s phone that you can see over his shoulder since you’re standing right behind him. He gets a text that says ‘She’s gone. In her sleep.’ and you frown, watching Steve quickly get up.

“I have to go.” is all he says while dropping the Accords on the coffee table and, when he exits the room, you exchange a worried glance with Sam.

Requested taglist: @sapphirebarnes @aki-ham

[daisyblog]

Venice Film Festival

Our Story Masterlist Summary: YN and Louis attend the Venice Film Festival with Harry.

YN knew Harry would still sparkle at the premiere despite all the drama and speculation around the director and everything she had put the cast and crew through, but she couldn't shake off the nervous feeling that circled her. Since the day Olivia turned up at their house that day, YN had seen the older woman when YN made an appearance on the set to see Harry.

She thinks back to that day and when Harry had arrived home from his run.

Harry was drinking from his water bottle when he walked into the living room, to find YN and Teddy laying on the sofa.

"Hey baby".

"Hey".

Harry noticed YN wasn't her usual cheery self. So sitting down next to them he asked her about it. "What's wrong?".

"Olivia came here".

Harry frowned, confused why the director of the film turned up at their house. "Why...what did she want?".

YN was stroking Teddy as she spoke. "She said you invited her over".

Again, Harry was confused. "What..why...why would I invite her over?".

YN shrugged her shoulders. "No idea...she said she never knew you had a girlfriend and if she did, she wouldn't have come".

"This has to be a joke....you don't believe her do you?"

"Of course I don't...I know a liar when I see one".

"Plus...I talk about you all time...it's become a joke on set that I don't talk about anything else".

Harry was trained to be in the spotlight, ready for any situation that could happen and how to put on a smile for the flashing cameras and how to carefully avoid answering any questions that were uncomfortable, or sometimes inappropriate.

But YN knew that this was not like any other event or red carpet she had previously attended with Harry and the band, the media had caught onto the drama and even created a false story about Harry and Olivia having an affair. YN knew the truth, she's had to deal with other girls and women creating false stories about them with Harry their entire relationship.

So when Louis said he was going to be attending the premiere to show his support to his best friend and future brother-in-law, YN was ecstatic to have her brother by her side at the nerve racking event.

The couple hadn't seen each other much, due to Harry attending the press conference earlier in the day. YN couldn't help but feel proud when she learnt that Florence didn't attend and instead was relaxing sipping some cocktails and sunbathing by the pool. She really was a bad ass, and YN loved her for it!

YN and Louis had arrived in a separate car to Harry, wanting to give Harry his time to shine on the red carpet. Before the fans and press noticed that another member of the biggest boyband was attending.

As YN and Louis travelled together in the black Range Rover, they caught up on everything that they had missed since seeing each other last, Louis showing her photos and videos of Freddie and she noticed how much her nephew had grown since she last saw him, which wasn't that long ago, as she tries to see him as much as she can whilst she's in America.

The car came to a halt, indicating that they had arrived. YN takes a deep breath, and Louis notices and reassures her "Oi..I'm gonna be with you every step okay?", he received a grateful smile from his sister who nodded at his words.

Louis leaves the car first and the sounds of the fans and paparazzi are heard shouting as they notice the Yorkshire boy, also knowing YN was likely to be with him as she hadn't arrived with Harry. YN slides out of the black car next and stands with her brother, as he waits for his security to join him.

YN turns to look up towards the red carpet in front of them, and her eyes instantly meet Harry's, who can't hide his dimples as the paparazzi and fans continue to snap photos of him. YN and Louis are instructed to pose for their first photo and both show a genuine smile, because despite everything they really were proud of Harry.

The siblings continue to walk slowly up the carpet, stopping for photos and waving to fans that called their names. But YN was caught off guard when her brother whispered "Is that her?" YN knew instantly who 'her' was "She's dressed like a fookin' lemon". YN couldn't help but let out a loud laugh, which caught some people's attention, including Harry's who was standing a bit further up, who wore his own little smirk wondering what had made his girlfriend laugh so loudly.

"Lou..you can't..say that" YN said in between her laughs, to which Louis just grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

Once they had reached Harry, who waited patiently for the pair, he pressed a kiss to YN's forehead, causing the fans to go wild at the affection from their favourite couple. But what caused the crowd to scream louder was when Harry and Louis shared a quick embrace with a tap on the shoulder. YN noticed Olivia looking directly at her, so YN decided to be the better person and send her friendly smile, but as Harry subconsciously intertwined his fingers with hers, Olivia turned her back and walked off in the direction of where her team were standing.

YN snapped back into reality when Harry guided them to stand to pose together for photos, sliding his hand around her waist, fingers resting at her hips, whispering "You look beautiful".

"You don't look too bad yourself bubs" YN turned to look at him, smirking slightly.

Stepping back, Harry insured Louis and YN to take a photo together as he stood behind them. And although the night was technically to celebrate his achievement, he looked at the siblings in front of him and he admired them for how far they've both come and what they've been through. But one thing that hasn't changed, is how they're always there for one another, always by each other's sides.

As the three finished standing and posing for photos, they continue to stand to the side, Harry's arm wrapped around his girl's waist. Gemma and Chris approached the group, greeting Harry and YN with a hug before Harry introduced Louis to them. Chris snaps some photos of the group using his disposable camera. Harry and YN posed together with their fingers doing the peace sign and of course, Louis and YN posed together doing their signature pose, with their middle fingers up.

Their heads turn when there is an eruption of noise from the crowd, and catching their eyes is the arrival of the queen herself, Florence Pugh. Harry and YN shared a knowing look, and YN couldn't help but feel proud of the star for making a late appearance at the festival. Joining in with the crowd, the other cast and YN and Louis begin to cheer and clap for Flo. Harry even lets out a whistle, but Chris pretending to be one of the paps and snapping photos of Flo as she poses is what causes the group to roar with laughter.

After posing, Flo makes her way over to the group, greeting each one with a hug and compliment, including Louis who she had never even met before. As the group laugh together, they're interrupted by Alex, who was Olivia's assistant.

"Hate to break up the fun but Olivia said the cast need group photos now" YN doesn't miss the way Olivia looked her up and down from where she stood, before the cast begin to follow Alex reluctantly. Harry's the last to follow, but not before kissing his girlfriend's cheek.

Louis and YN stood back and observed the group posing for their photo and the tension and awkwardness was as clear as day.

"Fook me that just looks awkward" Louis discreetly says to his sister, as his eyes focus on the group.

"She's got herself to thank for that" YN replied, as she watched Harry move from his spot when he thought Olivia was going to move closer to him.

---

During the screening, YN and Louis were sat at the seats at the left of the room. They had noticed that family members of the cast were sat closer to where the seats at the front were reserved for the cast. Harry had also noticed because as he entered the room, he scanned it but was surprised to not see YN and Louis sat in the family section. Before taking his seat between Chris and Gemma, Harry made a bee line for YN and Louis and as reached them he brought YN to his lips and whispered "I love you" as Louis, some of the audience behind cheered and whistled and the display of affection, before Harry headed towards his seat with a smirk on his face.

YN wasn't sure what she thought of the movie, maybe it was because she knew everything that had happened and already made her mind up before watching it. But one thing was for sure, she was so proud of Harry, he truly was an amazing actor and like the other cast did his best in a bad situation.

Louis began to voice his opinion to his sister, throughout the movie, earning him a "shh Lou" and a "you can't say that" as she tried to hold in her laughter at the lack of filter her brother had. Luckily for him, only the ears of YN heard his comments.

"Why the fook is she in the movie?"

"Fook me stick to directing love"

"Why does she get so much screen time"

Louis was one of the kindest people YN knew, always looking out for everyone, never wanting to hurt others. But the fact that Olivia had ruffled a few feathers and caused drama for his sister just didn't sit right for him.

The black screen, showing the credits appear indicating the movie was over. Everybody stood to praise the movie to clap and give a standing ovation. During the standing ovation, Florence left quietly, but still made her thoughts clear, and how could anyone blame her? She was standing up for fairness and YN will always admire her for that.

Harry turns as he stands, Louis gives him a thumbs up, mouthing "Well done lad". Whilst YN blows him a kiss and mouths "I"m so proud of you bubs".

As everyone sat back in their seats, YN could feel the anger rise in her as Olivia leaned behind Chris and taps Harry's arms and mouth something to him. Harry nods respectfully but turns back around. Louis being the protective brother he is, was about to go and say something but YN's hand reaching over him stopped him and she shook her warning him not to.

Because at the end of the day, YN was the only woman Harry had eyes for.

liked by louist91, harrystyles, and 1,567,244 others

yntomlinson I couldn't be any prouder of you harrystyles ❤️🫶🏼 View all 12,987 comments

annetwist You all look gorgeous 😍 So proud of you my baby xx

harryYNfan Beautiful couple!! Also Harry kissing YN before he sat down was so cute ⌙ 1Dfan2 Why were YN and Louis sat over the side when the other casts families sat behind them 🤨

harryfan3 I love that Louis was there to support Harry and YN

gemmastyles Proud of you baby brother ✌🏼

harryfan7 Anybody else want to know what Louis said that made YN laugh so much???? ⌙ YNfan2 YESSSS! I loved that YN and Louis arrived together xx

louisfan2 OMG Louis was there!

lottietomlinson Missing you all 💞 Well done Harry! ⌙ yntomlinson Be home soon Lotts. Love ya 💕

jefezoff Hope you behaved YN! 😇 ⌙ yntomlinson Always Jeff ✌🏼

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower @platinumbarbie143 @frickin-bats @harrysbbyh0ney fanfictioncafe lilfreakjez jerseygirlinca iamahallucinationnn @chronicallybubbly @goldensunflowe-r  @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @kaverichauhan @peterholland04 @panicattheuc @indierockgirrl @hittiesontour

[spicysagittarius]

cincinnati, the happiest place on earth

Rated E • Art/Tashi

1.87k words

Art kisses Tashi for the first time in 2006, sitting on the shitty motel bed to her right, Patrick to her left. He figures, then, that it’ll probably be the only time he gets to kiss her — something he believes even more when she tells them that the winner of their match the following day will also win her number. Well, he thinks. At least he has one really, really hot memory he gets to keep that involves making out with her.

Four years later, though, Art is not the same man he was at 18. He’d barely been a “man” back then, at all. He’s still got the same hair even though his both mother and his coach have told him to cut it, and he’s still a nuisance with gum in his mouth. 

But he’s not as passive as he used to be; as unsure of himself. Which has seriously come in handy. He’s annoyed he didn’t get some fucking confidence years ago. 

(He sometimes dares to think that if he had, he would’ve been the one to win her number. But that’s beside the point.)

It’s especially come in handy tonight. He can tell Tashi’s noticed the change, impressed by it. She’d shown up to his training earlier than day, having just arrived in Cincinnati as Katerina’s assistant coach for the tournament. Art hadn’t seen her in six months, not since the Open last summer. It was the longest they’d been apart since meeting each other and there’s a chance that it drove him insane. 

And yet, this morning, there she was, waving at him shyly from the side of the court. He noticed her hair first — she must’ve cut it. It looks shorter and it’s incredibly pretty and he doesn’t realize he’s staring until his coach barks out his name in frustration. 

After catching up after his training ended, they’d settled on dinner at the Applebee’s down the road from the hotel. He’s giddy, for once, which is unfamiliar to 23-year-old Art but all-too-familiar to the version of him who was sucking on the sweet spot below her ear on that shitty motel bed at 18. 

Dinner goes well. She looks fucking beautiful and she’s wearing a muted blue dress with these platform heels that make her almost as tall as him. They get beers and a brownie after dinner and all-too-soon they’re walking out to his Range Rover and he really wants to kiss her. 

When he tells her just that, she moves closer to him until their faces are inches apart. Just like the first time, she’s the one who leans in first, but unlike last time, he knows how to kiss her back smoothly and passionately and with all the experience he’d built up at Stanford. At first it’s sort, sweet, romantic, and they’re both so focused on it that when the crash of glass bottles sounds across the street, they’re startled and jump apart dramatically. 

She giggles when it happens, and fucking hell it’s the most wonderful sound he’s ever heard in his life. So wonderful that he has to kiss her again, but this time with more intensity, just in case there’s a way for him to communicate how in love with her he probably is without saying it too early. 

Tashi lets out a little sigh or a whimper or whatever the little noise is — whatever; it’s fucking hot, and his dick suddenly his jeans feel too tight. But he needs to hear it again. 

Art boldly slides both his hands down from her back to her ass, firmly squeezing her over the fabric of her dress. Fuck the fabric of her dress. He decides it’s now in his way: he has the assertiveness now to do everything he wanted to four years ago and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t. 

This means slipping his hands to the back of her knees, then sliding them up, up her thighs with clear intention and pulling the hem of her dress up with them until they reach their destination and grab at.the bare skin of her ass, barrier-free this time. And fuck him, Tashi literally whines against his lips when he does this. It’s such a perfect sound that he can’t help but back her up against his car and slip his tongue into her mouth. 

He keeps one hand firmly groping her ass while the other moves to the back of her head so he can dig his fingers into her hair, guiding her head to tilt so he can ravish her neck and that one sweet spot again. He’s missed it very, very much. This does the trick, and now her pretty sighs and gasps are happening every time she breathes. 

“God, Art,” she moans desperately, rolling her hips against his blatant hard on, hooking her leg around him. It dawns on him that he’s got her legs spread against his car in a fucking Cincinnati parking lot, and fuck, if someone were to see them, they’d get a good view of the panties she’s wearing. 

Matter of fact, he doesn’t know what panties she’s wearing. He breaks away from her neck, taking in the view of her flushed cheeks and closed eyes as his travel downwards to her spread thighs. 

Art lets out a guttural groan when he sees the lavender-coloured lace.that is literally just lace. He might die here. He’s probably going to die, right here in an Applebee’s parking lot in the middle of fucking Ohio. 

(She giggles at his reaction, pulling his face up to kiss him again with her hands in his hair and he changes his mind, because he definitely can’t die if it means not hearing the sound of it as many times as he possibly can. It’s his new addiction.)

The best thing he can do is kiss her back as fiercely as possible, once again, this time finding the strength in him to greedily rut his hips against her slowly. It’s so much more delicious when he knows how thin her panties are; how sensitive she might be. He gets what he decides is confirmation of this when he increases his pace just a bit and she drops her head back in a moan and a curse and his name. 

One of his hands have found its way to her inner thigh, and it almost surprises Art as much as it does Tashi when his fingertips reach the hem of the lace, lightly tracing it without crossing a boundary. 

Oh, that’s right. They’re in a parking lot, still. He’d almost forgotten. 

That fact is why he’s hesitating to sneak his fingers inside her panties; it might totally cross a line and most people wouldn’t want to get fingered against a car where anyone could see. She’d have to be insane to actually—

“Touch me, Art,” Tashi whines desperately, glancing down at his teasing fingertips ghosting the delicate fabric. 

Fucking hell. The fact that he hadn’t just cum from hearing her say that is miraculous. He’ll be the luckiest man alive if he doesn’t completely embarrass himself when he finds out what she sounds like when she cums.

(He really shouldn’t think about that, actually. That’s dangerous on its own.)

Holding his breath, he slips his fingers into her panties and the instant wetness he feels has him cursing aggressively under his breath. “Fucking Christ, Tashi. You’re so wet for me. Jesus.” His fingers drag through her folds and circle her swollen clit — how the fuck is she so turned on already — before his pointer and middle fingers slide inside her quickly. Like he needs it. And her body accepts him like she does, too.

When Art’s fingers are stuffed all the way inside her, Tashi releases a breath she’d been holding, and it sounds like a pretty sob. She does this again when he flexes his forearm and starts to fuck her on his fingers after a few seconds of taking the sight of her in. “You gonna be okay?” He asks carefully, looking back up at her eyes. He knows he’s on the brink of losing his goddamn mind and needs to know if she wants this as bad as he does. 

“Uh huh. Yes.” Tashi nods impatiently. “Need  it. C’mon, Art.”

Yep, she’s just as desperate as he is and  this might be the most on top of the world he’s ever felt. And he won the French Open last year.

He moves faster, now, cursing at the noise his fingers make when they drill into her, at the squirming of her hips against the Range Rover, at the stuttered gasps coming out of her every few seconds. “You look so fucking hot right now, angel.” Words escape him before he even processes them mentally. It’s just too intense of a moment. “Sound so pretty when you wanna cum.”

His words make her moan louder. So he tries his luck. 

“Tell me how it feels, sweetheart,” he urges. 

“Mm-hmm. Good, so good, Art, just don’t stop.”

“Does it make it hotter for you, then? Your dress pulled up like this against my car? Where anyone could drive by?”

She gasps, and he thinks he’s ruined it until a gush of wetness coats his fingers even more. “You’re gonna make me cum,” she cries. 

He’s so hard that he has to grind his hard, denim-covered cock against her upper thigh while he quickens his pace; roughening his thrusts. When she sobs in response, he almost loses it. 

Art curls his fingers further and his other hand moves to pin her hip against the car. “Yeah?”

Tashi nods in abandon, meeting his eyes with moist ones as her hips squirm even more against him. “Yes, yes, yes, yes—“

He quickly moves his hand from her hip to the side of her neck, tiling her chin up with his thumb so he can watch her cum while he tries desperately to remember every single thing about this moment, everything. 

“Cum for me, angel. All over my fingers. You’ve done so fucking well.” He groans, watching her intensely, pleasantly surprised by her ability to maintain eye contact despite being so thoroughly fucked. She’s so good for this. Good for him. 

His words are what get her there; the final push as she  clenches around him like a fucking vice and  sobs so pretty, babbling nonsense mostly, mixing in a gasp of his name every few seconds. “Fuck, look at you,” Art moans, grinding his crotch against her thigh subconsciously now. 

As Tashi comes down from her high, panting hard, she manages a wrecked, “I need you inside me.”

Oh, Christ. 

“Fuck, I want to fuck you so, so bad, Tash, but we’re still in the—fuck— the parking lot.” His response is rudely interrupted by her hand cupping his cock over his jeans, running her thumb up the side of the imprint of the shaft. 

Her next words have a daring, determined tone that he’s decidedly just as obsessed with, the same way he is with her laugh and sigh and pleasured sob. 

“So what?” 

She’s going to be the fucking death of him.

[translesbianvampire]

the way mac & dennis use third parties (or some external situation) to "referee" for them so that they don't feel like spending time together is gay ...

1x05 gun fever: the entire episode lmao. theyre in love. also the cold open sounds like some sort of event where they had sex with girls together

1x06 the gang finds a dead guy: mac & dennis try to make advances on a recent widow together

2x01 charlie gets crippled: mac & dennis get trashed at a strip club together (and dont bring any strippers home unlike earlier. they left their heterosexuality behind)

4x01 manhunters: mac puts his pubes on dennis' face while he's sleeping, dennis puts his balls in mac's mouth "as a prank" (also while he's sleeping), then in cricket's together!!!

4x04 mac's banging the waitress: mac being very adamant abt watching dennis' sex tapes even tho they're that bad angle u see in porns where it's balls and male ass just *clip* *clap* *clop* *clep* *clup*

5x01 the gang solves the mortgage crisis: mac & dennis using the mortgage crisis to become partners in real estate, then merging this with dee's surrogate baby idea to become partners in real estate & partners in life

6x02 dennis gets divorced: mac & dennis canonically spend 15 hrs at the strip club b4 crashing back into their place SLOSHED. they don't even refute maureen when she calls mac dennis' boy toy

6x03 the gang buys a boat: (shoutout to @ocularpatdowns key macdennis chronology!!!) mac & dennis doing the whole boat sex thing to have sex together (makes it feel less gay if there's women involved)

7x06 storm of the century & 7x11 thunder gun express: mac watching dennis bang girls

8x08 charlie rules the world: the guys all watch dennis' sex tapes together

8x10 cereal defense: mac & dennis send the idiots off on smth they think is a race, while they get to spend alone time together in the range rover...mac's flirting & puppy-eye look at dennis right b4 the gang crash into them & revert to status quo makes me die inside

9x04 mac and dennis buy a timeshare: it's in the title innit?

9x09 the gang make lethal weapon 6: mac & dennis film the gayest scene ever for like, a D-movie action flick

10x02 the gang group dates: dennis says "the sex tapes are only for me. ...and mac. ...and charlie! :)"

10x05 the gang spies like US: they literally masturbate to creampie porn together!!!!

[cloveroctobers]

terms & conditions — ANGEL REYES x OC/READER x CANE TEJADA

A/N; I'm actually glad that this sat in my drafts waiting to be written (thanks to the poll I put out!) just in time for the season premiere-which isn't being talked too much about as of yet-but I get it! So I gained some more inspo for this piece along with the sudden crush I’ve developed on Woody’s character from power book II—ghost (which I’m also currently watching!) + this song has also been on repeat since I first heard it. It’s fitting and inspired this so let’s get into it!

*GIF BELONGS TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER!*

WARNINGS/DISCLAIMER: language + I am in no way shape or form a therapist! + Angel being a bit of a d!ck :)

┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌ ﹋﹋┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌ ﹋﹋┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌ ﹋﹋┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌ ﹋

"Solay it's great to meet you, thank you for coming." The therapist greeted the mahogany haired woman at the door, lightly shaking her hand.

Solay smiled at the bob-wearing lady, shifting her tote bag, which looked expensive, down to her wrist as she fully entered the sunlit room. Her doe eyes briefly glanced at Angel who now sat with his arms crossed in a chair, a scowl written on his face as his eyes almost drank her in.

"Angel." Solay muttered, placing her bag to the side of her as she took the space in the middle of the empty red couch.

Angel ran his tongue over his front teeth, huffing but felt the therapist sending him a warning glance. Almost as if to say, 'We talked about this.'

He breathed, rolling his head back to face Solay who was now putting her phone on vibrate before tossing it back into her bag, "What's going on, Solay?"

"It's Wednesday so I’m pretty busy," she was vague with her words but attempting to be cordial as she added, "How's Mavy?"

"Growing everyday," Angel answered and couldn't help but to throw in, "How's your rebound doin'? Don't think I didn't see him drop you off in that flashy ass range rover, was my son with ‘em in the backseat?"

Solay's doe eyes immediately went into slits as she let out a breath of laughter. She was barely five minutes in the room with her ex-husband and here he was worrying about who she was involved with by attempting to fuck up her energy. He should be lucky that she even showed her face! She vowed at this first session that she would not allow Angel to continue disrespecting her like he loved to do. The only reason she was here was for their five year old son Xavier, to learn better co-parenting methods...and perhaps for a professional to see that she wasn't crazy for putting up boundaries after everything they've been through.

"Okay, let's reel it in." Dr. Michelle Othman rolled her hands, gaining the attention of the two adults in front of her.

The glare did not leave Angel's face as he dragged his eyes back to the short haired woman who sat at her desk.

"Let's discuss that tension," Dr. Michelle started, "As soon as you entered the room, Solay, you were very curt with your words on greeting Angel, why is that?”

Solay inhaled, "It's never hugs and kisses when we're in each other's space. Sure I would like for it be that way—it's like that with my parents who are divorced, they're friendly but I started off just fine until Angel had to go into attack mode."

Angel felt his pressure beginning to rise since Solay liked to commonly relate her parents to their situation…when clearly this was a very different relationship.

"I didn't attack you, I simply asked if you're leaving my son alone with some strange man." Angel stated, "And I have concerns about that, as a father, it's my right."

"Of course you do but you didn't seem to be too worried when you had our son around during your secret meet-ups with Adelita, hm?" Solay pointed out, strangely calm.

Yet it still felt tit for tat.

"We were seperated when Luisa and I started messing around."

As if that makes it alright!

"Not legally and still very much married. Just for you to sleep with her and a couple of days later we're back together like nothing even happened...like I wouldn't find out." Solay told.

Angel scratched at his brow at that, he knew how it sounded but couldn't say much to defend that. He wasn't sure if he could so he just looked away at Dr. Michelle, who was patient and watchful.

"Angel tells me you two were married for some time."

Solay uttered, “Seven years."

"What made you want to get married?"

"I thought I found my person. We were good together, fun together, friends even.” Solay seemed to be in a daze as she talked, “ I always belived that you have to have a friendship as a foundation before anything and although we were completely messy from the start, meaning intimate before we ever became friends—we were always backwards in everything we did—but I enjoyed being around him. I enjoyed being happy with him, laughing with him. Angel made my heart happy at that time and I always knew he wanted a family and I started picturing what that would be like and feel like with him. then i got the chance to realize…I was happier without him." Solay informed the therapist who hummed at this information.

Angel spoke up, "I wasn't sure i even wanted to be married and not because of Solay. She's a great woman no doubt but I always had doubts of not being good enough to be anybody's husband or father. I was scared shitless but Solay always had a way of uplifting me and making me believe we could do anything we wanted together. That also quickly turned into being blamed for the littlest things and I'm not talking about the cheating. I’ll take responsibility for that part.”

Solay nodded, "Yeah he's right. After the first time Angel cheated on me with some blonde bartender, I became iritated by everything he did and constanly being in his space knowing what he had done, wasn't good for me, i knew i had to leave so I could breathe again. I left to my own condo that I was still living in and considered not renewing the lease. Then I found out I was pregnant and that completely changed everything."

Dr. Michelle nodded at all of this, occasionally writing something down on her notepad. "There's so much to unpack here. Could it be that the both of you had these false ideas of what marriage was supposed to look like because of your upbringing? I'm already aware of the infidelity that was in Angel's parents’ marriage but what was your parents' marriage like Solay, if you don't mind me asking?"

Solay sighed, "They tried to never argue in front of my older sister and I but that didn't mean we couldn't hear it at night when they thought we went to bed. My dad was a borderline alcoholic and always stressed about finances but he did a good job at hiding his worries, yet that didn't mean he didn't take it out on my mom. He can get very loud and apparently verbally abusive when he drank towards my mom. What they showed from the beginning seemed like perserverance …when it was really settling. I knew they were happier when they were younger but they ended up getting a divorce when I was in my early twenties."

"Was it a difficult divorce?"

"Surprisingly no? They seemed thrilled to be doing it because they came to a clear understanding of what they needed from each other.”

"Is that what you want from Angel?"

"One hundred percent but I'm not sure when or if we're gonna get there. There's mountains of pain and anger between us both but I want to get somewhere for the sake of our son." Solay tells Angel's therapist.

The woman quirks up a smile, "that's what I'm here for, for guidance but I want you to also acknowledge that you have to want this for yourself as well and not just your son."

"I don't want to do what my parents did, although it almost seems inevitable when life is a cycle right? I don't want to hide the reality of why his parents aren't getting along and can't co-exist because I don't know what that's doing to him mentally. Sure he's only five but I want us to have a healthy and honest mindset so we can raise him as such."

"Angel do you hear what Solay is saying?"

"Yeah, she's not the only one who doesn't want to fuck up their kid." Angel rubbed at his beard in thought.

Dr. Michelle said, "Then we all need to work on the both of you first so you can both do your best in raising Xavier better. Are you two commited in doing so?"

Commitment was almost taboo for Angel Reyes so Solay wasn’t so sure, it was shocking for her to even be aware that Angel decided to seek out therapy in the first place! Yet they were both here, which is the first step, allegedly.

"You're Angel's therapist, so how long do you predict I need to be in his sessions?"

DR. Michelle analyzed Solay for a brief moment before saying, "Believe it or not, you left a big impact on Angel's life as a husband and father so I can not simply provide you with a timeline. This takes work."

"I receive that, I'm not afraid of doing the work." Solay affirms, "I just wanted an estimate on how long this will last until it doesn't matter anymore."

"What do you mean by that?" Angel asked, brows furrowing.

Solay clasped her hands into her lap, slightly raising them as she talked, "I don't know. It's like you're trying to show a new and improved side of you but I still know the bad parts."

"Because you like pointing the finger and always putting the blame on me! Like you can’t accept that I’m happy!”

"Angel," Dr. Michelle warned at the raised volume in his voice, "Solay, Angel tells me the both of you recently got into a disagreement a week ago. Could this be what you're referring to?"

"I guess so yeah," Solay raised her shoulders and stared down at her hands for a moment, "It's just funny or probably pick me of me to think I gave Angel what he dreamed of, having a family and a home but the moment another woman caught his eye...the minute he found out that Mavy was still alive and Adelita was back in town, his perspective completely changed. What made that family different from I gave?"

"What?" Angel exasperated leaning his elbows into his knees now, "there's no comparison between what I have with you and Xavier and Luisa and Maverick."

"You may not think so but that's how it feels."

"Why do you feel that way?" Dr. Michelle pushed.

Solay swallowed the thickness in her throat, "that argument that happened a week ago. I asked Angel if he can take Xavier for me while I underwent a procedure. My mom was in town and would be tending to me so I thought it would be best. Angel came to pick him up Thursday evening, I went to my procedure that Friday morning and Angel brought Xavier back that same night because he, Luisa, and Mavy were going to some carnival for the weekend.”

Solay was in and out of sleep the whole day in her bedroom and her mother tried her hardest to keep her out of it but she soon learned what Angel had done. To say she was livid would be a understatement but thankfully she had her mom there to calm her down and help out, who did the honors of giving Angel a piece of her mind before she slammed the door in his face.

“What was this procedure?”

“I honestly thought it was a boob-job,” Angel interrupts before Solay could say a thing, which made both women cut their eyes at him, “I mean I wouldn’t be mad at you for it.”

Solay shook her head in aggravation while the therapist kept her face stoic.

“Why are you so comfortable speaking on a body that isn’t yours?” Solay questioned.

‘It used to be,’ Angel thought but knew not to let that slip through his lips.

Angel raised his hands from his spot on the chair, “I’m not! I never said you needed that shit anyways, I loved your itty bitties—

“Angel, enough.” Dr. Michelle scolded, “Let Solay finish. I told you at the start of inviting Solay here is for us to see her perspective and get to know her a bit so that we can come to a common ground in your relationship. Now Solay, please continue.”

Angel tried not to roll his eyes. This was his therapist after all and sure he knew what this session was about since it took courage to ask Solay to be here and felt like forever for her to agree. It was all about listening and shit but he didn’t like the picture that was being painted.

Solay sighed with her eyes closed, “I went for a biopsy on my ovaries. So no it wasn’t a boob job or some spa day or walk in the park like you thought, Angel. It was serious and again, Xavy and I got pushed to the side: Second fiddle.”

Sometimes she wondered if it had to do with Xavier being hearing impaired. Did Angel not want to be bothered enough to include their child on his new family outings? She thought about bringing it up but she also knew it wasn’t right to think that when Angel did take up the time learning sign language (in his own way) to communicate with their child. Everyone on his side of the family did and although it was a little shaky for him more so than Solay, he did try… however it didn’t erase the fact that Xavier seemed to be excluded majority of the time.

So she kept it to herself.

Dr. Michelle allowed the weight of silence to be felt. She motioned for the tissues on the coffee table for Solay—if needed but the woman just hugged herself, making the therapist lightly scribble down some more notes at this.

Angel was full on frowning now, “Biopsy…ain’t that for diagnosing something?”

“Cancer, Angel. They were worried after finding a lump in my abdomen and some other symptoms I was experiencing. I just needed you to come through for me, just this once.” Solay exhaled, eyes on him.

Angel felt the color drain from his face. The rings on his fingers were pressed to his lips as he felt his knee start to bounce, “why didn’t you say something?”

“You mean to tell me you forgot in the next twenty-four hours that I was having something done?”

“I’m a dumbass sometimes! I seriously thought it was something minor and really didn’t think or even remember, honestly querida—Solay it fucken slipped my mind.”

“Do you believe his words, Solay?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “it’s possible. He forgot his own brother’s birthday.”

“Hey, we’re not talking about Ezekiel here.” Angel growled while Solay rolled her eyes, “…are you alright, soso?”

Hearing Angel use another nickname on her, made her skin crawl. Once upon a time, she thought it was cute and it actually gave her butterflies when Angel would say it, his rough callous hands cupping her face. Now? She just wanted him to shut up.

“Now you care?” Solay hissed, “all you had to do was include Xavy in on your quality time with his baby brother, that’s it. Do that one thing for me, for him. But nothing else matters and that’s why I’m so pissed.”

“Aye, don’t take this shit out on Mav.”

“I would never. I always engage with that sweet baby when he’s in my presence. That’s Xavy’s baby brother and I’m not that kind of woman. I would never take my frustrations with you out on your kid. Ever.” Solay’s heated doe eyes met Angel’s and he had to sit back in the chair, dejected.

Angel said, “I’m sorry. Forreal. I do wish you would of told me exactly what was going on with you though.”

“Would it have made a difference?”

“I’m sure it would, yeah.” Angel stared, which Solay held.

That felt definite.

Dr. Michelle looked up from her notes, “this is good you two. You’re both laying it out on the table, engaging and truly seeing what it is that you brought you two here. it’s leading us to the root of the problem.”

“Talk to us, doc. What do you think it is?” Angel dragged his eyes away from Solay, keeping his leg bouncing.

“From our conversations Angel, you hold a lot of insecurities and it stems from your own childhood trauma that you haven’t healed from. It’s bled into your marriage and you, Solay. Your defense mechanism is to shut down when situations are tough, putting your guard up instead of saying exactly what it is that’s troubling you.”

“Yes because I’m tired—so tired of reading the same pages of this story over and over with Angel.” Solay sniffed, “I’m not here to say he’s a bad person. I know he’s not. He’s just not a good partner for me. He’s got a strong heart and I know he loved me at some point in our relationship and he cares for our son sure, but I can’t help but to look at him sometimes and feel like I’m dealing with the damn devil.”

Angel furrowed his brows as he points at his own chest, “I’m the devil? I know you don’t believe that when you don’t even know what you’re getting yourself involved in with that dude who just dropped you off.”

“Oh, not this again.” Solay exhaled rubbing underneath her eyes, “I did not come here for you to worry about who I’m spending time with.”

“She acts like she’s so much better than me, when she’s dealing with someone just as shitty and she’s acting like fucking Stevie wonder with it.” Angel gritted.

“Are you also in a new relationship, Solay?”

“Yes. It just became serious.”

“Have Angel and this person met?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“We’d probably kill each other.” Angel declared, feeling his fists lock together at the mere thought of Solay with somebody else.

Somebody better but he was positive Cane wasn’t.

Solay shrugged her shoulders, realizing this was true. Cane knew about Angel and the failure of their marriage and honestly he had words for Angel the day they ever came face to face. He got close but Solay always made sure to detour the man away from causing any chaos. It was amusing to Cane however because one day he was sure he was gonna say whatever came to mind when he set his eyes on Angel.

Solay just wanted a simple soft life, was that too much to ask for?

“Okay,” Dr. Michelle said, “So we have the both of you in relationships, Angel you with the same woman you had relations and child with. Solay’s also in a relationship that you don’t particularly like or trust, Angel. You both share a child together but your regressions towards each other make it hard to be within the same space. Is that correct?”

Solay blinked, “that about narrows it down.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Angel rolled his head around, trying to straighten up the tension in his body.

Dr. Michelle cleared her throat, “seems like we have quite the work cut out for us on resolving these issues between you two. We’re down to ten minutes left on the clock, so I want to give you some homework to take with you so that you’re prepared when I see you both next week.”

“Homework?” Angel exhaled, “I didn’t go off to college for this exact reason, Doc.”

“Well think of this as a introductory course,” Dr. Michelle declared, “you’re welcome.”

Solay snickered at the expression on Angel’s face who was reaching for a post it note on the edge of Dr. Michelle’s desk. The therapist was scribbling some last minute notes as Angel managed to grab the paper, ball it up and toss it in Solay’s direction.

Which resulted in double middle fingers from the woman who managed to dodge it just in time. Angel scoffed and stuck out his tongue until Dr. Michelle cleared her throat.

“Are you two quite finished?”

Solay flicked one of her ponytails behind her shoulder and sent a sweet smile at the woman who stared hard at the pair.

“It’s a simple exercise. Both of you are going to write seven things that impacted your relationship from beginning, middle, to end. You can also form it into a Venn diagram or a pros and cons list, then we’ll discuss it next week. Sound good?” Dr. Michelle asks.

Solay has her phone now, her fingers tapping away at her screen as she sets a reminder for herself to do this before next Wednesday. She suddenly looks up at Angel who has his arms resting on the arm rests, twiddling his thumbs.

“Do I have to text you a reminder?”

“Would you be so kind?” Angel was sarcastic, “I’ll remember. If I can show up to see Dr. Michelle’s beautiful atmosphere, I can remember to do some homework.”

Solay replied in a sing song tone, straight but lightly shaded eyebrows raising, “okay…”

“You don’t believe me?”

“If you do the work, I’ll do the work. Otherwise this’ll be for nothing.” Solay answers, meeting Angel’s much darker eyes before turning back to the therapist, “thank you for your time, Dr. Michelle.”

“Thank you for showing up Solay, that’s time.” Dr. Michelle stood from her desk, walking around to lead the two out.

Solay stood in the lobby, messing around with her phone while Angel shared a hushed conversation with Dr. Michelle—hoping to get some sort of reflection or opinion on his ex-wife. It was a little selfish for Angel to want Dr. Michelle to strictly be on his side but he’d be lying if said he didn’t wish for his therapist to provide him with that comfort.

However Dr. Michelle liked to be theoretical and shit so Angel knew he shouldn’t be surprised.

“We’ll get somewhere, Angel. Now that she’s here, we can get this chapter closed and then focus on the next stage, yes?” Dr. Michelle explained while Angel slowly nodded, taking her word for it.

Soon he bid his goodbyes to the British woman before he fished his pockets for a cigarette. Just to mess around with as he approached Solay, he promised that he would actually quit smoking this time around and so far he’s been on track.

“You waiting for your boyfriend, who probably can’t see over the curb to pick you up?” Angel spoke from behind Solay.

She huffed, glancing over her shoulder, “actually no, I’m waiting on my assistant to get me and bring me back to work—if it’s any of your business.”

“Course it is, you’re still the mother of my child.” Angel snorted, “tell her don’t bother, I’ll take you back.”

“On your death trap? I think not.”

“Traffic gets bad around this time out here…the bike it much faster than whatever your assistant is coming to get you in, so it’s up to you.” Angel tapped the cigarette on the glass window of the door.

Solay thought about it, staring hard at Angel who offered her a goofy smile before pushing the door open, walked through and held it open waiting for the woman to follow after. Sighing, she pressed her phone to her ear to let her employee know that she found her way and that she’ll see her soon.

“No funny shit, Angel. Take me straight to work.”

“What? You don’t wanna stop and have lunch first?”

“Not after that session and especially not with you.” Solay answered as Angel yanked up the helmet that rested on his bike.

Angel did the honors of slipping the helmet down on her head, surely messing up her ponytails as he secured it and knocked his knuckles against the top, “damn, that hurts.”

“Terms and conditions.” Solay pointed, making Angel shake his head as he climbed on the bike first.

Solay followed shortly after, resting her hands on Angel’s shoulders to steady herself. As he kicked the engine on, solay almost flinched, knowing that she had to wrap her hands around Angel’s waist instead.

“Does what’s his face have these terms and conditions that you speak of, too?”

“Yup, he has you to thank for that.”

Angel let out a exaggerated sigh, choosing not to say anything else on that as he peddled the bike backwards before steering into a turn, then he set off into the desert streets with Solay still having a hold on him.

What would have been a hour ride was turned into a thirty-five minute one as the tatted man was parked in front of Solay’s business while she let her hair run free now by using Angel’s side mirror, then handed the helmet back to said man.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime, soso.” Angel glanced at the building seeing a few clients inside of the orange sickle colored building, “spot looks cool as fuck, I’m proud of you, you know?”

Solay had a bachelor’s degree in science, finding her field in dermatology and held her license as a esthetician. She also sold a successful skincare line that she launched on her own website just last year. And this year she purchased her first house all on her own. She was doing well for herself but remained humble about it all.

“Okay, Angel.” Solay sighed, holding her bag down in front of her as she stared out at the orange skies, “we don’t have to kiss each other asses.”

Anfel shrugged, “It’s better than chewing each other out though right? Especially after today and I mean it so what’s the harm in that?”

“…well I appreciate it.”

“See, I can play nice sometimes too huh?” Angel winked as he put his helmet on, “I’ll let you get too it then…remind me, am I picking Xavier up from school on Friday or?”

‘Are you having him for the weekend since it is technically your weekend thanks to me screwing it up last time.’ Angel thought to himself.

“Papa Felipe is so it’s easier for you to bring him to yours.”

Angel was thankful that Solay wants Xavier to actually spend Friday and Saturday night with him after what he pulled last weekend. However he probably knew his pops would give him a hard time and would probably want to keep the boy to himself for the weekend. Solay’s mom and Felipe often chatted; with Felipe telling Angel that his mother, Marisol, probably would have loved Solay’s mom.

“Cool,” Angel said, “I’ll see you on Sunday then.”

“Sunday it is.”

He dipped his head, starting the engine and she watched the man drive off into the sunset before making her way inside.

[Sometime Saturday night…]

Cane Tejada entered the one level stucco home, hands rubbing in excitement as he entered the front of the home. To his surprise, he didn’t find Solay in the kitchen whipping it up and went through the house in search of her.

He found her in the main bedroom with the attached bathroom, touching up her makeup as her hips swayed to a Ayra Starr song. Leaning against the door, he let out a low whistle as his eyes scanned over her curves in the lace corset midi-dress.

“Tonight is my lucky night after all,” Cane bit down on his bottom lip.

Solay stopped leaning over the counter, molding her lipstick covered lips together and blinked her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder at the brown-skinned man, “you’re not coming out with me.”

“Huh?”

Solay brushed by Cane, her light floral and hint of a hazelnut scent hitting his nostrils as she walked by. He followed the woman into her bedroom, eyeing her as she sat on the edge of the bed, one leg crossed over the other.

“Where you going, So?”

She smiled up at him as she slipped on a heel, her anklet bracelet glistening in the room, “Out. Without you.”

“Nah, I’m not feeling that. Not with the way that dress is fitting and the way that ass is—

Solay inserted, “not my problem.” She got to her feet in search of her clutch, “matter of fact, why don’t you reach out to what was her name? Effie. And see if she wants to entertain you for the night.”

She tapped his jaw before turning off the light, making Cane slightly curse to himself. He jogged after the long haired woman, reaching out to grip her waist to turn her to him.

Solay held mock sympathy on her face and Cane didn’t like it one bit, “you going through my shit?”

“You left your laptop here and it was going haywire…something about tuition. I didn’t care to read it all,” she lifted her shoulders careless, “so…you should consider looking for the next flight home to New York soon.”

“It ain’t even like that.” Cane started, “it was just business, nothing more.”

Solay shushed him, “I don’t wanna hear about it. I’m not even stressing it babe, it’s fine.”

Cane scrunched up his nose, “but it’s not because you’re dismissing my ass like I ain’t shit—like we ain’t build this together.”

“What even is this?”

Cane was confused, “a relationship? We been locked in for awhile now so why you trying to switch up on me?”

“You’re the one out here dropping stacks on some girl’s tuition.”

“I ain’t fuck her if that’s what you’re getting at.” Cane was blunt with it, “I’m here for and with you. I’m not some disloyal cheating ass bitch, like your ghost rider baby father. Let’s get that straight.”

Solay sighed, staring down at the new set on her hand.

Cane gripped Solay’s chin, making her eyes meet his, “I’m not him, So. I’m not gonna do you dirty, I’m only about you.”

And solay held his stare not entirely believing it. She’s been down this road before and it was wrong for her to enter relationships—serious relationships and always compare them to Angel. He hurt her bad time after time and she’ll be a cold hearted bitch if that meant she gets to protect her heart better.

She’ll get rid of anybody that plays with her, just like that.

Cane included.

“Words are just words, Cane. You have to show me.”

Cane gripped onto her waist, holding tighter but still kept some distance just in case she felt like she wanted to throw hands, “I gotchu. I’m yours.”

“You already violated one of the terms and conditions and you have maybe two more left, so think wisely next time.” Solay warned, resting one hand on Cane’s shoulder.

Cane was swift with pulling out his phone, “what? You want me to take that cash back?”

He’ll sign a NDA if she hit him with one, he didn’t want to lose what he had with Solay. She was the only woman that ever made him feel loved but it’s not like he wanted to get too deep about it. Emotions were a lot to feel you know?

Solay shook her head, “no. I know there’s more where that came from, just don’t treat me like I don’t ever know what’s going on.”

“Heard you.” Cane put his phone back as he stepped closer, glancing down at her lips before sliding his hands down to rest on her backside, “can I get to show you just how important you are to me?”

One hand came up to brush her bouncy curl over her shoulder, exposing the length of her neck which he licked his lips at before placing a peck there.

She shoved him back, “not uh, I have some place else to be.”

“Oh it’s like that, so?”

“Yup it’s like that,” she smirked over her shoulder swaying her way to the front door, “don’t wait up for me. Bye!”

Cane shook his head in disbelief and looked around the empty but quiet one-level home, “fuck am I supposed to do, meditate?”

That’s when he phone rang, right on time and he picked it up on the second ring, “Dru, what’s good?”

“Got that info you wanted on Reyes. Want me to send it your way?”

“Nah just tell it to me and meet me over there.”

Cane listened carefully to what Dru told him before hanging up. A smirk was on his lips as he also took his exit from the home.

he was ready for his own fun for the night.

Sorry so.

┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌ ﹋﹋┊˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊·

Continue along with my spring anthology writings here.

*Read part two here!

[princessanneftw]

Sorry, Charles, but the answer to everything is Princess Anne

By Deborah Ross for The Times

This week, a royal quiz because, come on, you thought you’d get away without one? This week of all weeks? And if you actually did think you’d get away without one, and I don’t mean this spitefully, aren’t you somewhat dense?

However, in the light of the no-fluff, no-nonsense interview Princess Anne recently gave to Canadian television and all the admiration that unleashed, and in my belief that you don’t like to be overstretched on a Thursday morning, particularly as some of you are still recovering from the news that Jacob Rees-Mogg finds broad beans “loathsome” — it isn’t yet known what broad beans make of him; I will ask next time I push one to the side of my plate* — I have decided to make this easy for you.

The answer, in every instance, is “Princess Anne”. Again, I don’t mean this spitefully, but if you get one wrong you will have no one to blame but yourself.

● Who is the best king we’ll never have, would have been known as “King Anne I”, and would have told those Repair Shop people to “just get on with it” and stop blubbing all over the place and let me know when you’re finished as I have to go kick ass and am behind with kicking ass as it is? (“I get up at 4.30am to kick ass but the day runs away with me all the same, Jay.”)

● Who was not their mother’s favourite child, which, to quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, proved “a big mistake. BIG! HUGE!”?

● Who sits somewhere between Kate being marvellous (and “dazzling”) for just wearing a dress and Meghan being an evil bitch and the new Stalin simply for adopting a different hairstyle?

● Who has never, ever suddenly adopted a different hairstyle and therefore can’t be either an evil bitch or the new Stalin?

● If someone attempted to kidnap you on The Mall and you thought, “What would a royal do in this instance?” which royal would most spring to mind? Particularly if you wished to tell the kidnapper, “Not bloody likely.”

● Ranking them in order, which royal do you suspect rolls their eyes at Fergie the most?

● If you had to bet on one royal retaking America, who would it be?

● Which royal was never dubbed “Randy Annie” or “Air Miles Annie” because they never adopted the kind of freeloading, entitled, licentious lifestyle that would one day bite them on the arse and have them running to Mummy?

● Who, of all the family, do you suspect most often swears like a sailor under their breath and would smoke Woodbines, if they smoked?

● Which royal would be most likely to run over Paddington in their Range Rover and not look back?

● Who demanded that titles weren’t conferred on their children, saying they’d have to earn their own money, and also, chances are, campaigned, albeit unsuccessfully, for Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice to get married at Hackney Town Hall followed by Nando’s?

● If a royal were to meet Greg Davies in a post-performance line-up, who would be most able to think up a brutal snub along the lines of, “A lot of ex-teachers become comedians. I can’t see why”?

● Which royal most probably inherited their mother’s Tupperware and will keep it going for future generations, thereby ensuring no royal cornflakes ever go soft?

● Which royal could probably get a potato to peel itself and leap into hot fat just by looking at it?

● Who sliced and diced Cherie Blair at Balmoral in 1997 by refusing to call her “Cherie”, as requested, and instead said, “Let’s not go that way. Let’s stick to Mrs Blair, shall we?”?

● Which royal taught their mother to use Zoom during Covid — “you should have six people on your screen . . . you don’t need to see me. You know what I look like” — but probably gave up on teaching her to text, like we all do, so no judgment there?

● Which royal probably couldn’t be bothered to even get their mother started with online banking?

● Who has inherited a look that amounts to wearing a headscarf tied under the chin like an old Greek lady guiding a donkey down a lane with a stick?

● Who has a look that, for some reason, never sells out everywhere the next day?

● Which royal did The Crown reveal to have been an absolute goer in their youth?

● Which royal did, in fact, have different hair as a young child and looked the spit of Harpo Marx?

● Which royal once reportedly said of Princess Diana, “I will not be pushed around by that brainless woman”?

● If you had all their numbers, which royal would you call if you needed a chicken’s neck wringing?

● If you had to come up with a royal who once appeared on Wogan while looking for all the world as if they’d prefer to have had their head on the chopping block like that other Anne, the Boleyn one, who would that be?

● Which royal do you most imagine would give you a horsewhipping** if you didn’t close the Tupperware properly, thus failing to maintain its airtight seal and letting the cornflakes go soft?

● Which royal has best withstood all the scandals as well as their own divorce and has provided so little grist for the newspapers we might as well all just go home?

● Which royal kind of reminds you of Willa from Succession, who sees everything that goes on in this family but knows if you get too involved you’ll be torn apart and fed to the wolves?

● Lastly, of all the royals, who would you name as the one who actually gets what being a royal is all about?

(*Funnily enough, I did push a broad bean to the side of my plate just now and it said: “The feeling is mutual”)

(**Or a savaging from her dog Dotty)

[freshthoughts2020]

Convenient Money!

Convenient Money!

July 25, 2024

Kamala Harris' Presidential Run

This is not the source to get your political news, but just in case you’ve been under Patrick’s rock, current Vice President Kamala Harris is now officially running for President of the United States after Biden’s sudden departure from the race. Since running, Kamala has raised $81M in 24 hours, which are record-setting numbers. When I saw that, I couldn’t help but think the same thought every time this happens: “Where is this money for the less fortunate?”

Money for Crisis, But Not for the Poor

Ukraine gets money, we had money for the stimulus during COVID, and every time this gets brought up, somebody wants to put their economics knowledge to use and explain inflation. I simply don’t think that is an excuse. Being able to raise that much money for one person could literally be done for some urban areas in America. It could supply monthly stipends, provide decent housing for the homeless, not just shelters that are barely hospitable. It could help provide food that isn’t canned and doomed to hell but actual quality foods. Why is it so hard for people to care about the less fortunate and those affected by unlucky economic situations?

Personal Responsibility and Wealth

When I become wealthy, I want y'all to hold me to the fire and make me remember the promises I made to help those who came from similar situations as me. I didn’t grow up the worst, but like most people born in urban communities, I experienced some setbacks. I know what instability feels and looks like. I know what it’s like not knowing where your next meal is going to come from, living check to check, being carless, taking two steps forward and one step back. I just know how it feels to have life give me its ass to kiss despite working EXTREMELY hard to subvert those circumstances.

The Need for Opportunity and Assistance

After all that hard work and strapping up them damn bootstraps, people simply need opportunity and assistance, a financial head start similar to what children of the wealthy are provided with. I also wonder, when stories like these surface, do the people donating ever think, “Man, we gave our money pretty easily to this. Maybe we can actually help a community out.”

Challenges of Implementing Change

Then, when people actually commit to making actual change, the people they are helping get engulfed with jealousy, which is triggered by perpetual lack. They don’t even know how to handle someone from a similar background acting as a benevolent figure. In other words, people are haters, and it's messed up out here.

Deserving a Decent Life

Nonetheless, everyone on Earth still deserves to live a decent, humane life. Not everyone has to be in Range Rovers or wear vintage Chanel that CoCo never even had; people just deserve to experience some of the wealth that many of the elites hoard. Sure, you worked hard for your money; it’s your choice to do whatever you want with it. However, at certain moments, the government and institutions alike should let morality kick in and do what it takes to save people from desolate poverty, no matter the cost.

Visit gettothecorner.com

Follow on twitter @onlyonejaevonn

[jenny-from-the-bau]

random question but the jiffy lube talk got me thinking about cars, what kind of cars do you think the bau drives?

i think emily probably has some sort of expensive luxury sedan but not super flashy, rossi probably also has a luxury car but way flashier like a rolls royce w the hood ornament, jj has like a bigass suv with lots of storage space for her kids like a jeep cherokee or smth, morgan lowkey gives pickup truck vibes, penelope drives a vw beetle complete with those daisy decals, and this might be controversial but hotch drives a minivan. also reid can drive but doesn't own a car

-🐙

I've actually thought about this!!

Emily drives a range rover because it's bulky and fancy, but still practical and cool (we're ignoring her boring ass acura in valhalla/lauren)

JJ drives a GMC truck that's giant and full of stuff lmao

Derek is a big pick up for sure

Penelope drives a thunderbird in canon (seen in no way out 2 and sex, birth, death)

This is Reid's car in canon (seen at the end of doubt)

I accept minivan hotch lol

[cherienymphe]

Update on my Greek hookup,

I’m over him lmao. He claimed he didn’t try to put it in my ass deliberately, and that it was an accident. I know I was wet asf but chest down ass in the air, you know my asshole from my pussy. Plus the fact that I was sore for two days afterwards—no sorry, he’s lying. I just don’t believe him.

He also wasn’t very apologetic “I’m sorry that happened” like wth. The man should gaf about me + my comfort.

It’s not a major loss. I’m tryna find the loml anyway so Mr Range Rover is done

Welp

[hjinnie]

UNCALL, xx

two: what if you lick my head (written part, 1k)

warning: sex "joke"?, NOT PROOFREAD!!

Your head is spinning around like crazy, and you swear your skirt was white when you arrived.. Well, it’s a weird shade of grayish brown now, and Kazuha is taking way too long to get here. She sounded weirdly manly on the phone and your drunk mind wondered if she was on anabolic steroids.

You decided to just obey her and stay right where you were, focusing on not throwing up, couldn’t risk that being the top news of tomorrow. But then a black Range Rover pulls up and you’re pretty damn sure she drives a minty mini cooper.

The fancy car’s window is rolled down and a slightly familiar face pops up. It’s quite hard to figure out the person’s features, but the realization hits you like a wrecking ball, because what the hell is Jake doing there.

“Um, hey Y/N.” he mutters, looking slightly dazed. “Get in the car, c’mon.”

Your immediate reaction is to turn your head like a lost puppy, because that’s how you were feeling to be precise.

What do you mean get in the car? Did Kazuha send you here? Since when are you so handsome? Those were some of the questions you meant to ask, but instead you just shuffled towards the passenger seat.

No words were exchanged on the way to your dorm, the only sound to be heard was the light melody of “Kiss You” by One Direction, if you were thinking straight, a snarky typical would be the comment, but the only thoughts in that weird little brain of yours was how sleepy you were and how hot Jake Sim looked driving with one hand on the wheel and his eyebrows furrowed in his sexy ass car.

And Jake could definitely confirm that if someone told him he’d be in his car driving a very drunk you home, the circumstances would be different, ‘cause well, who’d he be to ever deny a hot girl? But no, said hot girl was slumped in the passenger seat of his car, and just then he grew worried and prayed that hitting the gym everyday made a difference so he could carry you to your doorstep.

Finally arriving at your residence, Jake sighed and tried to open and close the car doors as silently as he could. He stared down at you and wrapped one of his arms around your knees, while the other held your back. Damn, he admires those grooms who carry their brides like this because it is not easy.

“You know, this is very uncomfortable” you muttered lightly, eyes closed shut, worrying him that he was doing something hurtful.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” he stopped his tracks, throwing you up, in an attempt to make you feel cozier.

“No, that’s not it.” you deny, holding his hand in place so he would stop moving, you might actually puke if he keeps up with it. “I just don’t like that you can see the top of my head.” Jake had a look of puzzlement settled on his face, not that you could see it, and then he started walking again. “I mean, I hate taller people… What if you lick my head?”

Jake stops abruptly once again ‘cause what the fuck? Did you seriously just express your concerns of him licking your head? If it was a kink, weird shit, even for him. “Uh, yeah, no need to worry, I promise no heads will be licked.” well, one would have been, if only you hadn’t called him in the middle of his intricate foreplay with the blonde he was with. And just like that you went back to your deep sleep, as if no words were ever exchanged.

Hitting your floor in the HYBE building, the elevator seemed to take a lot longer than it normally did even for Jake, who lived two floors up from yours. But when he finally walked out of it, you were awaken by him putting you down on your feet. “Hey, Y/N, do you have your keys?”

You nod, messily opening your purse and searching for it, easy task. Or not, because you couldn’t find it for your life. Jake noticed that you were having a hard time and immediately reached for it, looking for it oh his own, but also failing on the task.

“Oh, fuck. I guess I don’t.” you say, looking at him with concerned eyes.

“Just pray that no one who knows who you are stole it.” he - in your eyes - sexily glanced at his watch. “It’s almost three in the morning, I guess you can just go up with me.”

You know you would refuse, but all you wanted was to sleep, and how were you supposed to say no when he was batting his eyelashes at you so shamelessly like that? - no, he wasn’t, by the way. So you agree, more excited than you should be, but hell you were drunk, it was all ok.

The weirdest looks from all of the boys were sent to you both as soon as he stepped inside of their apartment, dragging you by the wrist, plus the oh so disapproving stare Jungwon was making sure Jake noticed.

“Stop staring, I’m not hooking up with her.” he corrected them all, sighing and shaking his head in doubt, what has his life become?

After escaping from the curious group of men, you two reached Jake’s room, since HYBE moved, you each got a bedroom. You lazily walk to his bed, where you fell into, with your very dirty skirt and gross heels hanging from your feet.

“Oh, the fuck not” he whispered only for himself. “Y/N, can you please get up? I’ll find you something to change into.”

And so you did, changing into one of his shirts and sweatpants, right there in front of him, not even giving the poor man time to turn around. Well that was quick, he determined in his brain. And then you were finally free to fall back into your slumber.

No way Jake would sleep on the floor in my own house, zero chance of it happening. So he laid down maybe way too close, but turned the light off and away from you, wondering for the fiftieth time what the hell was going on.

home girl deadass said away | cha cha real smooth off a fucking cliff

masterlist

sure, people aren't really aware of what they do when they have alcohol in their body, but how can you uncall your sunbaenim jake, unsleep in his bed and unwake up next to the very same boy, not very sure of what happened the night before? and how will you explain to your manager why the enhypen x lesserafim video scheduled for tomorrow has to be cancelled as soon as possible?

a/n: hi my dears!! here's a written chapter for you guys! hope you like it! send me an ask to be part of the taglist or to just chat <3

taglist: @bubblytaetae @bookishcalls @blossomnct

[icravemusicx0x0]

rating music please don't hurt me #20 | lil boat 3.5 - lil yachty

every five entries, i will look into a significant (not always a masterpiece) album from the past (totally not a stolen idea). today we're going to talk about lil yachty's album lil boat 3.5.

lil boat 3.5 marks an interesting end to the lil boat trilogy. the two first album, lil boat 1 and 2, were an unexplainable mess during my first glance of listening, but i may not go further talking about this because i haven't got a full experience with the two pieces yet. to be honest, lil boat 3.5 is a little bit underrated, and i mean a little bit because the album is more tolerable than the two first albums, but still in a messy and unpolished fashion.

please note that i'm rating lil boat 3.5, which is the deluxe version of the original album lil boat 3. 8 new songs were added in the deluxe bundle of lil boat 3.5, they are alright, but it doesn't improve the overall quality of the album that much.

the new production style improves the album by a decent amount, and fortunately for me, it just really fits my taste alright. the production was the thing that hooked me up, but it also was the thing i feel gray about, because its kind of repetitive. the production is very energetic and fun to listen, its so crazy it made me dumbfounded, but is a hot mess sometimes.at least they can make the retro-ass synth better? but hey they hooked me up so thats a point.

this is yachty philosophy in lil boat 3.5: guest-list in front and im in the back. every got a great spotlight in the verse, except for oliver tree because how would you even let him in your album, yachty?

overall, the new album is interesting and tasty to bite the least, but that's only in my opinion. in a retrospective view, the album is yet quite messy and tasteless, and goofy, like on crack. its not boring thoguh even so its an career-defining album from the artist and will lie in his legacy, and yes it will be an interesting one.

this album may not be in your favorites, but it will be in my 'wtf is this bullshit i love this' list.

underrated gem(s): lil diamond boy - its a criminal fact that this song is so unpopular, LIKE ITS SO GOOD, t.d - every guest ate and left no crumbs, if there is crumbs it is prob lying on lil yachty deadass, westside - no comment its just not bad and not not good.

tracks that i rec listening: flex up - hello lgbtq community especially the lesbian couples from the ghetto who is a rage rap fan, coffin - i really like this repeating and hard hitting beat into the verse, charmin, just how i'm feelin', in my stussy's, top down - roblox sim game ahh beat idk, split/whole time - i went so insane when the smooth transition happened SKJDKJF, pardon me - this song will always be catchy asf, demon time, can't go, oprah's bank account - love this and drake maybe uhhhhhhhh, range rover sports truck, lemon head - throughout the song is a repetitive sample that plays like you're using that one electronic somewhat midi piano on garage band that plays the sample in tune when played.

worst track: certified - the synths are horrible, there are tracks as rubbish as this but it is explainable to be on top of this monstrosity

overall score 6.3/10 - this is all opinion so pls no hate

listen to the album here:

[misocoupedotcom]

CATCH OF THE DAY #002 - KUROMII (TILARNY'S IMPREZZA)

When most people think about Kuromi, they think of the character from the My Melody universe of the Hello Kitty franchise—the edgy, emo-aesthetic rabbit, known for her mischievous nature, love of the color purple, and fondness for food. When I hear the name Kuromi, however, Tilarny's 2007 Subaru Impreza is what comes to mind. I've followed this car on Instagram for a while now. Back when Miso Coupe was just an idea, before the merch drop, and before the growth of the community, I’ve always admired this purple Hawkeye. When I reached out to the community to help me name this series, it was actually Til who came up with "Catch of the Day," so it only seemed fitting to have her as the first guest write-up. We met up a couple of weekends ago at one of the most iconic car photography spots south of the Swan River. Without further ado, welcome to the Kitchen, Kuromii.

Tell me a bit about your history with cars. What got you into them?

T: My dad loved Fords. When I was growing up, he was a Range Rover mechanic in his youth. From then on, I’ve loved them ever since. I was his only child for about ten years before my brother came onto the scene, which meant for ten years, he had to share that love of cars with his little girl. I didn’t care much until I got my license, then it all hit me at once that this was going to be a VERY expensive hobby for me.

What drew you to Imprezas specifically?

T: I went to high school with someone who'd done up their '99 Impreza, and it drew me to it straight away. I love that it’s casual, easy to learn, and reliable.

Based on the sparkly purple paint, I'd hazard a guess that it's your favorite color. Is that why you called it Kuromii?

T: My favorite color is actually red, but there are so many red cars on the road, so purple was a close second favorite, teehee. I thought the color scheme of the car fit Kuromi perfectly!

How do you and/or your car relate to the beloved Sanrio character?

T: Kuromi is a Sanrio character, created as the antagonist to the sweet, kind-hearted My Melody. Kuromi's spooky, bossy, and sassy—all wonderful traits if you ask me.

What would you say is your favorite and least favorite thing about your build?

T: I love the attention to detail I’ve put into Kuromii. The sparkles in the paint, the Kuromi stickers in the window—but I don’t love the visible damage. It’s been a long road for Kuromii, and sometimes fixing little dings wasn’t an option financially.

Most car enthusiasts will relate when I say, "there's always something on the to-do list." What's on your agenda?

T: Honestly, just little things. It needs some fixing: the little dings, a thorough service, and some TLC. Nothing huge; I’m still studying and working part-time, so I can’t afford a wicked turbo kit (sorry, everyone).

What's been done to it so far?

T: Paint first, then the plates. The body kit was put on shortly after. The front lip was ripped off too many times for me to count, so it stays off now. I did the suspension, put some Rotas on, and then I installed my headlights—they were a total pain in the ass. There's also a cat-back exhaust, which was added by the last owner. My mechanic father helped me out a lot with the headlights. In fact, all of my car friends and family have helped me out with this car; it feels like it’s everyone’s passion project sometimes, and I love them very much for it.

Your car has inspired me to get more stickers for mine (thanks for the Midnight Moon one, BTW). Do you have a favorite sticker or one that stands out to you the most?

T: You’re very welcome <3. I love my Darlingful banner at the front. I love all my nibblets stickers, and my Sukeban tramp stamp on the car’s spine. I love all my stickers very much—stickers make me so happy.

What's one thing you love about the car scene in Perth, and perhaps something you'd wish would change?

T: I love how close-knit everyone is, especially here in Perth. I met my boyfriend through cars and found out we had a lot of mutual friends. Kuromii actually belonged to a schoolmate of his, and by chance, it fell into my hands. I wish I could change how people treat one another, but as I’ve gotten older, I know that my issue is more with society as a whole, rather than just our car family.

Who else do you want to see on Catch of the Day?

T: I’d love to see my car twin (Asha's "Blossom" Hawkeye WRX)! She’s absolutely AMAZING!! Such a wonderful person. I’d also love to see Curby and her crew—Beth is a beautiful human, along with the people she drives around with. I think it’s important that our car girls get some love—they’re just as valid as the boys ;)

Oh yeah, one last thing, how did you come up with the name Catch of the Day?

T: I called it Catch of the Day because Miso Coupe gives me sushi restaurant vibes. In these restaurants, they usually have fish they caught that morning or from the market, that they put in their sushi. I thought it was cute.

Makes sense ha-ha.

Thank you for allowing me to share your story with the world.

If you want to keep up to date with the build, drop her a follow: https://instagram.com/kuromii.jp. If you want to follow the other cars shouted-out, follow: Curby:(https://www.instagram.com/eurmum_curby/) & Blossom: (https://www.instagram.com/hellokitty_assia/).

If you want to be featured on the next episode, send me an email at kamron@misocoupe.com.

Photographed by Kamm, written by Kamm & Tilarny.