#also also just some of these songs fuck so hard
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almostempty · 1 day ago
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Something in your mouth
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(joel miller x f!reader)
The third installment of  Never made it as a wise man aka creed!joel
WC: 8.4k | Part 1 | Part 2 |  Other fics | Rating: 18+ 
Summary: post hand job and phone sex; it’s the leadup and part 1 of these horny bishes goin’ on a date
Note: heyyyyy it’s me and i’m back on my bs . i know i promised the fuckening, but that was summer me and now it’s winter me.. so instead of hiding and never updating, i remembered i have free will so u get the full week lead-up and the first half of the date.. and then i’ll brb with the fuckfest okay? i promise. (also it’s actually almost done this time so it won’t take months). again, i am still merely a vessel for the spirit of buttrock joel. hopefully this part 3 is girthy enough to sate your appetite a lil bit  
Tags: au no outbreak modern joel, divorced dad rock dilf joel x f!reader, picks up right where pt 2 ended, alternating pov, dirty talk, horny yearning, blowjob in the truck, still crackish, but i am still dead serious about it being hot so idc, mistakes are all mine
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Thanks to Nickelback for having non stop horny bangerz to quote such as Something in your mouth
major thanks to @hoelaris for this moodboard that made me weep tears of joy bc is it so perfect
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thanks to @magneticecstasy for date joel thots to be ft in this pt and the next, @auteurdelabre for telling me to let them have their happy ending so i can get back to the paris boys faster, to @syd-djarin for support, horny thots, song suggestions etc, and @itwasntimethatdidit40 for the nickelback pedro tiktok edit inspo
it really takes a village or whatever they say <3 
*if u forgot what this is bc i took so long give Part 1 and  Part 2 a read for a refresh <3 
*if i missed ur tag or u want off this ride lemme know 
okay, it's starting now:
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You wake up in Joel’s shirt. It smells more like you than him already, but it still makes you grin devilishly just the same. You go about your day, a few errands and some chores, the whole time with a little more energy than usual. 
When you’re back home and settled in to have a lazy afternoon, you get a little restless. Itchy fingers. It’s hard not to pick up your phone and check your messages again and again. You’re drawn to looking at the picture he sent, the pictures you took, and you can’t help wondering…
Did he wake up thinking of you? Hard, aching, and leaking at the memory of your voice. 
Did he dream of all the nasty things he said he wanted to do to you? Waking up throbbing and frustrated, grinding his cock into the mattress as if you were beneath him. 
Did he wake up and check his phone to confirm you were real? Making it all the way to the shower before surrendering, wishing it was your soft cunt he was fucking instead of his fist. 
You know you’re fucked when just thinking about him thinking about you has you so turned on. It’s so tempting to send him something else. Another picture? An audio message? A thinking of you 😘 text? 
No. No, no, no. 
You can wait him out. Make him work for it a little. He’s a full-grown man. You’ve already given him enough to work with. Plus, you wanna know what he’s gonna come up with next. Right? 
The lazy Sunday ends all too soon and before you know it you’re back to work. Dragging ass into the office with the biggest iced coffee you could buy. You deserve a treat to get through your Monday anyway. 
A little warning bell chimes in the back of your mind as you drop your things on your desk. Ellie grumbles a good morning that matches your enthusiasm for fluorescent lights at 8 am. A little seed of guilt sprouts within you. 
Is it fucked up of you to mess around with Joel? It’s not like it’s something serious. Or, does that make it even worse? There’s no way he would say anything to her about it. 
“Heard you saw Joel again,” she says before you’ve even sat down. Great. 
“Uh, yeah,” you reply, “Still didn’t feel right that he wouldn’t accept anything for helping with my car.” You sink into your chair, hesitating to say more. It’s too early to have a good poker face. 
“So you made him a lasagna?” She questions, staring you down. 
“Men love my meat sauce,” you say with a shrug. 
“Gross,” Ellie grimaces at that, “please, don’t ever say that again.” 
You buy her off with the rest of the cookies you had baked. She’s happy to take the entire container from you and happier to enjoy them all immediately. If she’s suspicious she’s either good at hiding it or you really don’t know how to read her. 
You carry on with your morning catching up on mindless tasks, swirling your coffee around as the ice starts to melt, and trying to stay focused. Ellie turns on her music and you can’t help thinking of Joel again. It’s like he’s infected your mind and every shitty 2000s post-grunge alt-rock song conjures him up. 
You can’t help wondering what exactly he would’ve told Ellie about your surprise visit. Would he have asked about you? Implied anything? You can’t stop yourself from asking. 
“What did he say?” 
Ellie’s head swivels towards you immediately. 
“Who?” 
Instantly you know you messed up. You didn’t realize how much time had passed. You shouldn’t still be thinking of him. She prods you about what you said and what you meant. Not accepting a nothing or a never mind. An uncomfortable wave of embarrassment twists in your stomach, heat blooms in your cheeks, and your hands are fidgety. 
You shouldn’t have brought it up, you shouldn't be so defensive. Shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t.  
Ellie is sharp–cutthroat–reading your every move. You stare at the empty Tupperware on her desk, hoping it will reveal some sort of escape plan. A strategy to deflect. It’s too late. Her eyes narrow just the slightest bit and she follows your gaze. It clicks. 
“Oh, you meant Joel?” 
You’re so busted. “I..uh,” you don’t know how to finish that thought. 
“Why?” She gives you such a blank-faced look that it’s unsettling. You’re an adult. Why does this feel like you got caught sneaking out to see a boy on a school night?
You try to brush it off, but it sounds more defensive, making it worse. You focus on cracking your knuckles and trying to feign a more casual air. For some reason that means you keep talking. Broken sentences pouring out of you and trailing off into a stiff laugh. 
Mercifully, Ellie cuts you off. Tells you it was Tommy who mentioned it. 
So, he was the one who showed up while you had your legs spread open on Joel’s kitchen counter. The catalyst to your shirt heist and hasty getaway. That makes your face hot for a different reason. 
“Oh. Gross.” Ellie groans.
“What?” 
“You’ve got that look on your face.” 
You snort at that. Only slightly horrified that she’s so adept at picking up the tells on your face. “What look?” 
You suck down the last of your iced coffee, stalling, until you’re just sucking in air. You toss it in the tiny trash bin between the two of you and decide to be honest no matter what she says. You’d rather get ahead of it. 
“Was it a sex lasagna?” Her mouth is pulled into a look of disgust. 
You snort at that before shaking your head, preparing to get it all out. 
“Okay, look. It was a thank-you lasagna.” You pause, trying to figure out exactly how much to share. “I didn’t plan the rest of it. It just…happened. And, fuck, it was so hot.” 
Her face wrinkles with confusion, then disgust, then laughter. It makes your heart rate speed up. 
“I’m sorry,” your words come out like a waterfall. “I don’t want to make things weird. I want us to be friends. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sure it wasn’t serious. I’ll tell you whatever you want. It was my fault. I showed up without letting him know. I made the first move—” 
“You fold quick,” Ellie notes, interrupting you. She throws her hands up and you shut your mouth, “Look, you’re both adults, I don’t care what you do. Just, please, don’t tell me any of the sex details.” 
“Do you really not care? Or like, you say I don’t care and then treat me like Cheryl in the front office?” you ask. 
“No. I genuinely don’t give a shit. Well, I mean, if you break his heart I’ll have to kill you.”
“Naturally,” you agree with a solemn nod. 
“But,” she pauses to take a breath, tilting her head before continuing, “it would probably be good for him, don’t think he’s had a real date in a while. But don’t come back to me broken-hearted if he’s a dick—that’s just his face.”
“A date?” you echo. 
She groans and rolls her eyes at you, but it’s too late. 
Your mind starts to wander. With Ellie’s blessing, you don’t have a reason not to give it a shot.
The harps are already strumming as you float off into your cloud of dissociation. Your favorite daydream flickers into focus as your eyes glaze over and a dazed grin curls on your face. It’s always that same slo-mo Baywatch-style memory. That one where you caught Joel wiping the sweat off his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt. The original temptation that led you back to him. 
Somehow, every time it replays, there’s a new easter egg just for you. The ghost of a knowing smirk or a sparkly-eyed wink when he catches your eye, like a wicked little tease to pull you deeper into the dream world. 
Sometimes it’s all too visceral. In the privacy of your mind, you’re free to direct the scene how you’d like. Slowly panning over the peek of soft skin and the trail of hair you can see. You can still feel the warmth on your fingertips from when you slipped your hand beneath the waistband of those navy blue boxers. 
Sometimes, you create something new. You’d like to take one of his sun-faded plastic green lawn chairs, drag it to the front porch, and sit yourself down for a show. You wanna watch him mow the grass in the evening heat. 
You can see the sweat beads dotted along his neck and the contour of his marble-sculpted arms as he serpentines along your fantasy world front lawn. 
You can smell the fresh-cut grass and the specific blend of sweaty man pheromones that Aphrodite concocted just for you. 
Your chest swells, lungs expanding, as you breathe slowly and deeply. The illusory scents fill your lungs until you release a deep, yearnful sigh. The imaginary lawn mower almost drowns out the imaginary Fred Durst bellering, It’s just one of those days, from that little stereo on the workbench. 
Before you can transition into another scenario—something bounces off your face, and you flinch with a loud yelp. 
“That was your warning,” Ellie glares at you. “Next time I’m throwing something sharp.” 
“Okay, okay, message received.” You offer a sheepish smile, and she turns around. It seems the Limp Bizkit song was very much not a figment of your imagination. Ellie mutters along to the lyrics behind you, barely audible, as you spin in your chair to get back to work. 
It’s not even five minutes later when you swivel in your chair again with another question for Ellie. 
There’s nothing like having a crush on a man you barely know to truly make you delusional. You know you’ve got it bad, but it’s unfortunately just so much fun to daydream and let your mind run wild with the very limited info you know about the man. 
You don’t want to worry about anything that could go wrong. 
Except for, well, everything. 
You still fret over texting him first or waiting. Should you send another picture with no context? Should you call? Should you wait another day? 
When you notice your chest feeling tight you give yourself a reality check. It’s Monday morning. You’re at work. He’s probably at work. You can figure it out later. A future you problem. 
Joel’s text comes through late in the evening. 
Joel: You wearing my shirt to bed again? 
You’re grinning immediately. At hearing from him first and because he fucking clocked you. You snap a quick photo. Despite being on the spot, it’s thoughtfully crafted. Just enough to show the logo and only your mouth, not your face, no extra skin, no sexy tease. Just a confirmation. You send it off, and his reply buzzes seconds later. 
Joel: More 
You try to bite back the grin still stuck on your face as your fingers dance across the screen. You want to tell him off for being so blunt, but for some reason, it feels like such a compliment. You’ve definitely got it bad if a thirsty one-word text feels like high praise. 
You aren’t going to give in this time. You’ve still got Ellie’s words echoing in your mind. A date. You type back one line. 
You: Gonna have to earn it if you want more 
Your phone rings shortly after your message is delivered. Joel’s name flashes on the screen and your stomach flips. You thought maybe he’d send another dick pic, but now he’s calling you? It does check out that he wouldn’t be the texting type, to be fair.
“Hey,” you answer, voice soft, a little tentative. 
“You’re gonna make me work for it, huh?” His drawl is low, rough around the edges and so stupidly sexy it makes your nipples hard. You can just tell he’s already on edge. Delight floods your veins at the idea of him thinking of you all day. 
“You could use a lesson in patience,” your voice is remarkably steady, despite the way your body is lit up. You chew at your lower lip. “Thought I told you that last time we were on the phone,” you chide. 
A deep chuckle rumbles through the phone. “Patience,” he repeats. There’s a pause that has you holding your breath. “I don’t think you’re playin’ fair, baby. Knowing you’re in bed with my shirt on, teasin’ me with another picture.” His voice takes on a husky, knowing tone. “Don’t think it’s patience you’re lookin’ for. Bet I know what you really want.” 
Your breath catches, loud enough he wouldn’t miss it even with his busted phone. You weren’t prepared to be so affected by just the timbre of his voice. It’s fucked up the way he’s got you breathless for no damn good reason. 
You can picture him in his bed. The trademark navy blue sheets. Is he fresh out of the shower? Damp hair and the overpowering scent of whatever 10 in 1 man soap was on sale at the grocery store— 
“Okay. Enlighten me then. What do I want?” you finally reply. 
“You want to hear it,” he continues, smooth and smug, radiating a cocky smirk right through the phone that makes your skin tingle. “You want to hear how you’ve got me hard, sittin’ here thinkin’ about you,” Joel growls, his voice thick with heat. “Thinkin’ about you wearing just my shirt.”
You bite down on your lip to stay quiet. Maybe he’s not in bed at all. Maybe he’s still out in his shop, locked in the office, a couple beers down before he dared to text you. His hair a mess from running his fingers through it, in those faded jeans that cling to him perfectly. 
Either way, it seems almost cruel to stop him with a mouth like that. 
“Thinking about what I’d do if you were here,” he carries on. “You look good in my shirt.” His voice drops even lower. “You’d let me push it up though, wouldn’t you? Just enough so I can see how wet you are for me.” 
You can’t help pressing your thighs together at that thought. If he hears how turned on you are already, you’re definitely going to end up acting out his fantasy over the phone. 
“Fuck.” he mutters, his voice breaking. “You’d let me take my time. Get my hands on those perfect tits again. Soak my fingers with that sweet pussy. Have you so worked up you’d be begging for my cock.” 
He says it like it’s a fact, as if he could come over right now and you’d drag him straight to your bed—or no, like you’d be on him before he could shut the front door. 
It’s so filthy, so confident. You’re so tempted to keep him going, but you pull yourself together. Biting back the whimper stuck in your throat.  
“Well, damn, Joel,” you swallow down the urge to ask for more details. “Guess you’ve got me all figured out then,” you tease with a heavy dash of sarcasm in your tone. 
“Not all of you,” he replies, with a suggestive edge. “Not yet.”
You let out a breath you were holding. “Look, you can’t just get your dick out on the phone, tell me how you wanna touch me, and get your way,” you manage, steady and a little sharp. “Not this time.”
“Not this time?” he echoes, half-laughing, clearly amused. “Alright. Sure. What do you want then?”
There’s a flicker of nervousness that tightens in your chest. You don’t want him to think you’re rejecting him, don’t want to risk losing the momentum of whatever this is. “I’m saying…I do want you. But, if you want more you’re going to have to do more. Show me you mean it. Like…a date.”
He doesn’t answer immediately, and your heart skips as you imagine his reaction. He’s quiet, but you can hear his breathing—measured, like he’s weighing something.
“Shit. You’re serious?” he asks, and there’s a softness now, laced with just enough curiosity to make you think he’s intrigued.
“Dead serious,” you say, adding, “But if you’re not interested in me like that—”
“Oh, I’m interested.” The words come quick, a little sharper than you expect, and they make you beam. “Fine. A date,” he says, like he’s letting the word settle on his tongue. “Friday?”
“Friday.” You confirm and stretch your neck. Your muscles are tense. Shoulders tight. All from his filthy words getting you worked up in half a second and the anxiety of your demand. “Come up with something good,” you tease, your voice slipping into something sultrier, “and maybe we’ll both get what we want.”
There’s a low growl on the other end of the line, tinged with frustration and desire. It makes your pulse throb in your clit. You almost wish you had let him talk you through it before suggesting the date. Hear how worked up he’s been over you. 
“Jesus,” he grumbles. 
Oh, you would’ve turned into a mess and completely forgotten to bring it up. Now you’ve essentially cock blocked yourself until the end of the week. Ugh. 
“You’re gonna drive me mad.” He says. But there’s no animosity in it. Instead, there’s something new in his voice that gives you butterflies. 
“Yep.” 
You’re the one who hangs up first before you can hear anything else that might tempt you to stray from your plan.
……..
It’s late morning when your phone buzzes on your desk the next day, interrupting your excellent cosplay of a ‘productive employee’. You glance at the screen and your heart trips when you see Joel’s name. 
You answer, trying to sound casual despite the fluttery feeling in your chest. “Calling me during business hours, Mr. Miller? You’re going to get me in trouble.” 
Joel snorts softly. “Think we both know you’re the one that likes causin’ trouble.” 
“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” 
His voice drops lower, quieter. “You need a reminder? Cause I’ve been replaying exactly how much trouble you caused in my kitchen…”
“Don’t.” You nearly hiss into the phone, trying to cut him off before he starts with any graphic retellings. You spin in your chair, grateful when you confirm Ellie has headphones on for once. 
“Right.” His voice is back to a slightly less devastatingly erotic tone. “Wouldn’t want to get carried away while you’re at work. 
“Well,” he drawls, the grin evident in his voice now. “You said you wanted a date, so I was thinking.”
You hum, leaning into the teasing tone. “If it’s a chain restaurant I’m canceling right now.”
“Do I seem like the kind of guy who’d take you to Applebee’s?”
“Do you want me to answer that honestly?” you quip, laughing at the soft groan he makes in response. “No Applebee’s, no Chili’s, and if you’re thinking about taking me to whatever the fanciest Italian place is in this town, don’t. I’m not going on a first date where you used to take your ex-wife for anniversary dinners.” 
There’s a beat of silence, then a grumbled, “It was Valentine’s, actually.”
You cackle, delighted at your guess. He huffs. “You’re impossible.”
“You’re predictable,” you shoot back, grinning as you cross your legs under your desk. “Or maybe it’s just ‘cause nobody has been challenging you.”
“S’that what you are?” he asks, “A challenge?” 
You shift in your chair, the grin on your face is going to make your cheeks burn if he keeps this up. You soften the teasing as you admit. “Maybe a little.” 
“Mm,” he grunts, clearly not convinced.
“If you’re up for it,” you add. Nerves flutter in your stomach now. Maybe he doesn’t want a challenge at all. It’s not like you’ve been hard to get. The silence stretches just long enough to make you wonder if you’ve pushed too far. 
His exasperated sigh crackles through the phone, but it’s laced with something warmer. “Yeah.” But then he exhales, soft and almost self-conscious. “Ain’t a bad thing.”
The words are simple, but they settle somewhere deep, curling warm in your chest. For a moment, the flirty defense falls, and you catch the subtle weight in his voice.
“You’re full of surprises, Joel,” you say finally, your tone gentle.
“Guess you’ll find out,” he murmurs, the words quiet like he’s not sure he’s meant to say them.
Your stomach flutters at the unexpected softness. You knew there was more to him than his bold mouth when his dick is hard or the stoic lone wolf look he wears in his garage. You weren’t expecting him to be…whatever this is now. 
The line goes quiet again, his breathing soft on the other end. “Friday at seven,” he says after a moment, his voice steady but quieter than before. “There’s a brewery that Tommy suggested. I’ll pick you up.”
“That sounds nice,” you reply, smiling into the phone.
“Alright,” he mutters. There’s a brief pause, like he’s hesitating, before he says, “See you then.”
He hangs up before you can say anything else, and for a moment, you’re left staring at your phone like an idiot. A grin stuck on your face. Possibly permanently. 
It’s not just the idea of the date. It’s the thought of Joel making a plan, asking for recommendations, and thinking of what you might like. You figured it’d be fun to give him a hard time and all, but you didn’t have real expectations. 
The week stretches on and you’re not sure if it’s moving too fast or too slow. Having a crush is wicked enough, but having a date planned makes you feel slightly insane. It’s like you’re in a cartoon where the world is suddenly brighter and the birds sing just for you. 
You find yourself constantly daydreaming at work. Every Creed song Ellie plays somehow sends you into a fugue state. Snippets of Joel’s voice replay in your head. 
There’s something about the way he said, “Ain’t a bad thing,” that keeps sneaking up on you when you least expect it. It wasn’t even what he said—it was how he said it. Quiet, like he wasn’t used to admitting something like that out loud. It makes you smile like a fool every time you think about it.
The worst is the evenings. At home in your room. Nothing to distract you. Alone with his t-shirt. Re-reading your brief texts. Lingering wistfully over the dick pic he sent like it’s a letter from your long-distance lover. You’ve got to get it together. 
And Joel? He’s just as distracted, though he’d never admit it. At least not to anyone but you. 
At work, his usual rhythm is thrown completely out of whack. He catches himself staring at the same invoice three times before finally filing it away. Tommy catches him with his Breaking Benjamin t-shirt inside out. 
You’re in his head and it’s driving him nuts. He tried to minimize it. Deciding it was just the impulsive way you crashed into his world. You spread like a wildfire in his mind. The kindness in you to deliver a homemade meal. The audaciousness you have to go after what you want. 
He goes weak for a confident woman and you’re so sharp and quick with him. It’s a rush, but not just because of the sexual chemistry. Not just because you’re a novelty or a break in his routine. 
It’s you. It’s the way you’ve got the passion and sharpness with your words, but you’re still soft on the edges. He thinks about the way your voice had dipped when you said, “If you’re up for it,” like you weren’t just teasing but testing something, seeing if he’d push you away.
He’s not used to this. Not the nerves, not the anticipation, and definitely not the way he’s spending too much time wondering what to wear on Friday. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he even dug through the back of his closet, holding up a button-down shirt Ellie had bought him last Christmas like it might bite him. He ends up tossing it back in favor of flannel—it’s still a step up from a faded band t-shirt. 
By Thursday you’re nearly useless. You drive Ellie crazy all morning, spacing out and jumping when she asks you a question. To be respectful, you haven’t mentioned the date and she hasn’t asked. Would Joel have told her? Does she know you’re losing your mind over a man who probably has holes in his sweatpants? Are you equally as pathetic? 
You’re still stuck on that thought when she kicks your chair, startling you back to reality. “Come on,” she demands. “We’re outta here and you’re coming to the Main Street with me. I’ll buy.” 
Turns out you’re a cheap date. The dive bar has strong cocktails and a very limited menu of fried foods to choose from. You sit outside at a picnic table enjoying the warmth of the early summer evening. 
Ellie is easy to get along with. Talking animatedly about her friends. Sharing the hot goss about Cheryl and her divorce. Trying to recruit you to join the company rec league kickball team. It’s all a welcome distraction even though you still have Joel on the brain. 
You do your best not to bring him up but when she mentions him you know you perk up like a heart-eyed fool. Begrudgingly, but with sincerity, Ellie asks if the date is what’s got you so distracted. 
“How did you know?” 
“You’re both worse than teenagers.” She rolls her eyes. “Thought bringing you here might take your mind off it.” 
You snap to attention at her choice of words. “Both?” 
“Don’t.” 
She’s a good friend. You did need the distraction. You’re still smiling about that thought as you check yourself out in the mirror in the bathroom at the bar. There’s a poster taped to the paper towel dispenser for the cover band that plays Saturday nights that catches your eye before you slip your phone out of your pocket. 
You’d blame it on the drinks but the truth is only had one. You hover over the messages. Wondering if he’s really as nervous as you. Fuck it, you decide before sending what you’ve been wondering. 
You: You been thinking about me? 
His message comes through so fast it’s more revealing than the words he typed. 
Joel: Maybe 
Fuck, why does one word have you feeling giddy already? 
Joel: Have you? 
He asks shortly after. You wonder if he’s second guessing himself. Is Joel nervous? 
You: A little  
You figure you’ll give him the same treatment. 
Joel: Haven’t been able to stop, if I’m honest baby 
Heat floods your face as you stare at the screen, and his next message comes before you can respond. 
Joel: Friday’s been feeling real far away 
That has you shaking your head. 
You: Patience is a virtue 
He’s quick to respond again. 
Joel: Never claimed to be a saintly man 
That makes you genuinely laugh. 
You: Good 
……
By the time Friday night rolls around, you’ve fully spiraled into a mess of anxiety and excitement. You’re not really the type to overthink a date, but there’s something about the whole scenario that feels different. It’s not just because Joel’s hot—hotter than he has any right to be—but he’s trying. For you. It’s disarming in a way you weren’t expecting. 
You know that the worst-case scenario for the night isn’t bad. You know how to have a good time wherever you are and you are confident that he’s a horny bastard that will put out even if you actively try to sabotage the date. It’s that flickering sensation in your chest that hopes for more. That’s what makes you nervous. 
You’re startled when Joel knocks at your front door. You check your reflection one last time before heading to the door. You figure it’s casual enough for a first date at a brewery. 
Despite everything inside of you that screamed to put your tits on display again—you couldn’t resist wearing the Creed shirt. You tied it up in the front so it accentuates your figure and paired it with a faux leather skirt with a matching black lace set underneath. 
It’s gotta be enough to play at the alt-rock vibe he’s still living in. You look good. Really good. 
But when you open the door he isn’t the only one who’s world gets rocked. Joel stands in front of you like he was plucked from your fantasy. Freshly showered, his damp curls just starting to dry in soft waves. A plaid button-down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off those strong, tan forearms. His dark jeans are markedly not as worn down as the last pair you saw him in, yet the effect on you is just as dastardly. 
It’s unfair, really, how good he looks. You’re left blinking as your mouth goes a little dry while you drink him in. Who’s idea was it to have a date? In public? Fuck. He shifts, a sly smile growing on his face as he rests his hip against the door jam. 
“Hi,” you mumble, still ogling him. 
“You look… real nice,” he says, voice so low and velvety it should be registered as a weapon. 
You know you had a smart-ass remark about the shirt on the tip of your tongue, but it’s gone. Gone… along with your morals. All you’ve got left is the intense, primal desire to do something inappropriate with his arms? Yes! Yes! Yes! The horny gremlins like your idea despite having no logistics or master plan. 
They seem to have no coherent plan of attack at all, to be honest. Bite! Lick! Suck! All you know is that you need him in your mouth until your jaw is sore. 
Joel huffs softly. Amused that you seem speechless. “Didn’t think flannel was all that special baby, you alright?” 
“It’s not the flannel,” you mutter under your breath, but you don't let him hear the rest of that thought: Arms! Arms! Arms! 
You grab your bag and follow him out to the truck, stealing glances at him as he walks ahead of you. You can’t help it. He’s so…solid. Sturdy. Sure of himself. Even when he’s out of his comfort zone. It’s doing something sinful to you. 
The inside of the truck smells faintly like a Black Ice air freshener, a Home Depot on a Sunday morning, and Armor All. The distinctly Joel aesthetic lives up to your imagination. It’s lived in. Comfortable. 
There’s the catchall cupholder of change, receipts, and literal nuts and bolts. The caseless CDs in the storage divider strapped to the sun visor—you recognize a couple like Seether and Three Days Grace. 
Before you can take in every detail though, you’re distracted by just the sight of him driving. It’s absurd, but why does he look this good just driving? Most people can manage to operate a vehicle, but most people don’t look as fuckable as Joel does, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his thigh. Hand! Thigh! Neck! Fingers! 
You’re reduced to only being able to name anatomical features when you’re this close to him, apparently. Like an alien learning about a man for the first time. An extraterrestrial explorer propelled by the most curious desire to taste and touch every part of Joel—for research. 
You’re so caught up that it takes a while to register the song that’s playing. Of course, it’s more Nickelback. 
You're so much cooler
When you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter
With something in your mouth
It breaks the spell he has on you and you laugh, really laugh. Joel looks slightly horrified, having no idea what led to your outburst. When you’ve recovered enough, you let him in on it. 
“Nice first date song. You really know how to set the mood.” 
He rolls his eyes but doesn’t change the song, and you let yourself glance at him again as he drives. His profile glows in the evening sun, and you can’t help thinking how easy it would be to reach over and drag your hand down his chest, and make him pull over so you could climb into his lap. The thought has you pressing your thighs together, your pulse thrumming in your ears. At this rate you’re not going to make it through the night. 
…..
The brewery is trendy. Joel hopes it’s something you like. He tries to focus on the menu, but feels like his brain is short-circuiting. It’s not the overpriced burgers or the craft beers with descriptors that don’t sound like flavors. It’s the way you're leaning forward on your elbows, chin resting in your hand, smile tugging at your lips. 
The shirt is unfair. The way you’ve got it tied, hugging your body in ways that make his palms itch. Knowing you were touching yourself in the same shirt to the sound of his voice. He’s trying not to stare, trying to be polite, but it’s damn near impossible with you sitting across from him like that. 
“How about this one?” you say, pointing to an option on the menu. “Probably the closest thing to what you’ve got stocked in the shop fridge.” He’d wonder how you knew what he had in the fridge, but his eyes are glued to your finger pointing at the menu and it’s consuming all of his thoughts. 
You ramble on about a few other choices but he doesn’t hear the words. He’s still stuck on your hand. He swears he can still feel the ghost of your touch from the kitchen last week. Shit. His jeans are already feeling tighter than they should. 
He clears his throat, trying to pull it together. “I’ll trust you.”  
You smile wide at that. He’s so fucked. “You know a lot about fancy beer.” Yikes. “You got a favorite on here?” Get it together, he begs himself. 
“Nah, I don’t really like beer,” you say casually. You give him a shrug and point out a cider you’re thinking about trying. His stomach twists. 
“You don’t like beer,” he repeats. “But, you let me take you to a brewery?” His chest feels tight, and he shifts uncomfortably. 
“They have food, too.” you counter. 
“Right.” Why does he feel like he’s so out of his element? He’s been second-guessing everything about this date. He feels his gaze drifting as his eyes shift out of focus, his fingers toy with his bottom lip as he gets lost in his head. 
He knows he can get you worked up just as bad as him over the phone, knows he can make you sing for him with just his fingers, but this? He doesn’t know what you want from him now. Is the date some kind of test? He knows he’s overthinking all of it. 
“Hey.” Your voice brings him back, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I like that you planned something.” 
It seems genuine. The way you look at him with bright eyes and a smirk like you’ve got something to tease him about on the tip of your tongue. “Now ask me a boring first date question,” you instruct with a nod like you’re giving him some kind of permission. 
“What’s your favorite color?” 
You snort laughing at him. If you’re half as nervous as him you don’t show it. 
….
It works. Mostly. Your drinks arrive. The conversation flows more easily. He still gets tripped up here and there but doesn’t disappear on you again. He asks about your job, your family, about where you moved from, and you give him enough to keep things light but still playfully dodge some of his questions. 
Every time he gets flustered, you catch yourself smiling, a little surprised at how much you’re enjoying this. It’s the way he watches you like he’s trying to figure you out. The way he tries. He seems to relax a little and for a moment, you think he might settle into the evening. 
Then he reaches for his water, and it all goes sideways. The dangerously full glass wobbles, tilting just enough to spill halfway across the table. Joel jerks back, cursing dejectedly under his breath as he grabs a napkin to clean it up. 
You can’t help it. The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Just loud enough for him to hear. “Trying to get me wet already?” 
His eyes snap to yours. You grin, adding, “Don’t worry, been dripping for you since you showed up at my front door.” 
He makes a sound between a cough and a choke. Stunned. The faintest blush creeps up his neck, reaching all the way to his ears. For a second, he looks like he might say something, but all he manages to get out is a gruff, “Jesus.” 
You lean back in your chair, grinning triumphantly. You didn’t expect him to get so rattled by your comment. Not with how vulgar he’s been on the phone or when he had his hand between your legs. It’s an ego boost to know you’ve got the upper hand at first. 
“Relax,” you purr. 
Then you catch the way he discreetly tries to adjust himself under the table. Clearly unable to relieve the pressure. Knowing the effect you have on him is more intoxicating than the alcohol. An idea strikes you. You know exactly how to get him to relax. 
“Do you have cash?” you ask. 
“What? Yeah.” He looks at you confused. 
You nod like he proved a point by saying yes. That confuses him further, a deep line forming between his brows. 
“‘Course you do. That’s like, Dad 101 ‘carry cash in case of emergency’. 
You stand and grab your bag. “We’re not staying,” you say simply.
“What?” He frowns, sitting up straighter. 
You flash him a smile. “I’ve got a better idea. Come on. You said you trust me.”
“To choose a beer,” he grumbles, dropping enough cash for a generous tip on the table before letting you lead. He doesn’t argue as you walk back to the truck, just trying to catch up with your words. He opens the passenger door for you, his hand brushing yours briefly as you climb into the truck. It’s a small thing, but the innocence makes your pulse skip all the same. 
Once he’s in the driver’s seat, the tension between you shifts. The silence isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s charged. You glance at him, taking in the way his hands grip the steering wheel so tightly, the muscles in his forearms flexing as he shifts. 
The truck rumbles to life and another one of the horniest Nickelback songs plays—barely loud enough to recognize. 
I’m loving what you wanna wear
I wonder what’s up under there 
Wonder if I’ll ever have it under my tongue 
You bite back another laugh as the vocals float through the cab, perfectly at odds with the vibe of the place you just left. Joel shifts, mouth twitching like he knows how ridiculous it is. “You wanna tell me where we’re headed?” he asks, voice cutting through your thoughts. 
You tell him where to drive and settle back in your seat. Again your thoughts drift. Infatuated with his fingers curling and uncurling like he’s trying to distract himself. He hasn’t said much since you’ve left, but you can feel the tension radiating off him. Heavy and thick. 
You catch his gaze flicker to you for the third time in as many minutes. His eyes trail over the curve of your thighs where your skirt has ridden up. It’s subtle, but enough to make you feel bold. 
You smirk, pulling the visor down to check your reflection in the mirror. Fishing a lip gloss out from your bag, you swipe it over your lips, smoothing the edges with your fingertip. Joel doesn’t say anything, but you don’t miss the deep steadying breath that fills his lungs or the crack of his knuckles. 
Satisfied with your lips, you tug lightly at the t-shirt, adjusting the knot, shifting the fabric to lay how you like and slipping a hand beneath it to adjust your tits in your lacy bra. You hear Joel exhale sharply, a low, throaty sound that makes heat curl low in your stomach. 
“You okay?” you ask, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. Your voice is softer now, more knowing, and when he doesn’t answer right away, you grin. “You seem tense.”
Joel mutters something under his breath. His jaw tightens. Finally, he glances at you, his eyes dark. “You keep doin’ that, and we’re gonna have a problem, baby.”
“Doing what?” you ask, your voice all innocence, though his threat gives you a prickly rush. 
Joel huffs a laugh, low and rough. “You know damn well.” His voice dips, a rasp of heat that whips down your spine. “The lips and the shirt, just messin’ with me like you want me to lose my fuckin’ mind.” 
Your grin widens as you meet his gaze. “And what if I do?”
“Jesus,” he mutters, his voice strained, his hand flexing against the wheel. “Trying to get me to crash into a ditch or something?” 
The tension between you is unbearable now, the air thick and buzzing. Joel’s jaw is clenched tightly. You unabashedly linger on the way his hips press forward slightly like he’s trying to relieve the ache between his legs. It shouldn’t drive you fucking wild with need, but you’re gripped mind, pussy, and soul. 
“Pull over,” you say suddenly, your tone steady.
Joel’s head snaps toward you, incredulous. 
“Pull over,” you repeat, your voice softer now, more insistent. “Please.”
He hesitates for only a second before caving, steering the truck onto the shoulder. The tires crunch against the gravel as he shifts into park, the engine idling low as he turns to look at you. His eyes are dark, his breathing uneven, and the sight of him—wrecked and barely holding it together—makes you rabid. 
“You’re gonna kill me,” his voice is rough and quiet. Infused with lust and awe. 
“Maybe,” you murmur, leaning closer. “But you’ll enjoy it.”
Joel groans softly, his hand flying to your thigh, the heat of his palm searing against your skin. “Torturing me,” he mutters, his voice a low growl. “Sitting there lookin’ like that, knowing damn well what you’re doin’ to me.”
“Yeah?” you ask, your breath hitching as his fingers slide higher. “What am I doing to you, Joel?”
He exhales sharply, his grip on your thigh tightening. Why are his hands that big? Like, how are you supposed to know what they feel like and ever leave his grasp? 
Your heart is pounding now, the heat in your veins making it hard to think straight. Joel’s voice drops lower, his hand sliding further up your thigh as he leans closer.
“Can’t stop thinkin’ about it,” he mutters, his lips ghosting over your jaw. “The way you’d taste, the way you’d sound, begging me to fuck you harder, deeper—”
“Joel,” you whisper, cutting him off. Your voice is shaky, your hands gripping his arm as you try to ground yourself. “Please.”
He groans again, the sound rough and desperate, and his hand moves higher, his fingers brushing the edge of your underwear. “Yeah, baby,” he murmurs, his voice thick with satisfaction. “That’s what I wanna hear.”
It makes you shudder. You feel him smile at your body's obvious responses, as his nose grazes your skin just below your ear. 
“You’re so fuckin’ perfect,” he murmurs into your neck. “Been thinkin’ about you all damn week. Every time I close my eyes, it’s you.”
His words hit like a match to dry kindling, and your breath stutters as his fingers trace the seam of your panties. 
“You know how hard it was to sit there at that table?” he mutters, his voice turning darker. “With you looking like this, wearing my clothes, teasin’ me.” 
“We didn’t even make it to the actual dinner part,” you giggle as you trail off. 
His fingers press more firmly, dragging slowly over the thin fabric, and you can’t stop the gasp that escapes your lips. Joel groans at the sound, his free hand gripping your thigh to hold you steady.
“Fuck, baby,” he rasps, his voice thick with heat. “You’re already soaked. Bet I could make you come like this, right here, without even tryin’.”
Your hips shift instinctively, grinding against his hand as he works you with deliberate precision. The friction is maddening, just enough to keep you on edge, but not enough to send you over. Every filthy word he says in your ear has you burning up. 
“Jesus, you’re gonna sound so fuckin’ sweet for me,” he says, more to himself. “Can’t wait to bury my face between your legs, make you scream my name until your throat’s raw.”
“Joel,” you whisper, your voice shaky, your hand flying to his wrist as his fingers dip lower, brushing just beneath the edge of your panties. “Wait.”
He freezes instantly, his brow furrowing as he looks at you. “What’s wrong?”
You shake your head, your cheeks flushed, your body still trembling under his touch. “Not now,” you assert, your voice soft but steady. “Let me take care of you.”
Joel blinks, his pupils blown wide as your words sink in. His mouth parts to say something but the words disappear. You don’t let him argue. 
Sliding your hand down to his belt, you undo it hastily, fingers working open the button of his jeans before he can protest. It’s for him. You want to do this for him. Help him relax so you can enjoy the rest of your date. 
But, fuck, it’s also for you. You’ve been riding a high just from a shoddy dick pic and your muscle memory, but you’ve been patient long enough. You’ve got to see it in person and you need it in your mouth, asap. You deserve that much, right? 
You slide down the zipper and fuss with the waistband until you get what you wanted. His breath catches as you free his cock. It’s heavy and hard against your palm. Radiating heat and weeping for you. 
“Oh, fuck,” he starts, his voice breaking. 
You hum softly, pleased, leaning in to kiss him as your hand strokes him slowly, deliberately. Joel groans against your mouth, his hips jerking slightly into your hand. 
“You’ve been thinking about this,” you murmur against his lips. “All week.” 
“Yeah,” he rasps, voice raw with want. “Can’t stop thinking about you. How you’d feel, how you’d look, how you’d sound.” 
“Show me,” you whisper, lowering your head to taste for yourself. You like a hot stripe from the base of his cock to the tip, swirling your tongue around the head. 
Joel’s breath stutters, his hand flying to the back of your head as he watches you. “You’re so fucking good, baby. Like a fucking dream.” 
You hollow your cheeks, tongue gliding along his length as you take him into the heat of your mouth. You have to use your hands to work the rest of him, still slowly and deliberately. Every sound he makes, every twitch against your tongue, every flex of his core, and tightening of his fingers, it all drives you wild. 
It has you moaning with need around him. Your cunt soaked and pulsing, begging for attention between your legs as you focus all on him. It’s just as much for you as it is for him. 
His head tips back against the seat, a rumbling grown spilling from his lips as his hips shift beneath you. 
“Shit.” he pants, voice cracking. “You’re gonna make come so fuckin’ hard. Bet you’d look so pretty with my come on your tongue.” 
The sheer filth of his words spurs you on, your movements quickening as you savor every groan, curse, and sharp inhale from him. “Fuck—just like that.” He encourages you, adding firm pressure to the back of your head as his hips jerk and he loses control. 
“You want it?” he asks desperately as you moan in affirmation. You’re voice is still vibrating through him as he starts to come, hot and heavy on your tongue. You don’t stop until his body goes slack beneath you, his chest heaving as you finally pull back. 
He looks wrecked, mouth hanging open, sweat on his brow. You give him a devilish smile before opening your mouth to show him. He stares at you, eyes dark and hazy, before cupping your jaw in his palm as you swallow. 
“Told you,” he huffs, “so fucking pretty with my come on your tongue.” A bright, satisfied smile spreads on your face at his praise. He pulls you in closer for a kiss. When you pull back a frown pulls at your mouth. 
“What’s wrong?” Joel asks hurriedly. 
“I didn’t get to see,” you muse. “Will you take a picture next time?” 
“Fuck,” he looks at you with awe and pride. “Yeah, baby, of course.” 
“Good,” you nod, readjusting and settling back into your seat. “You think you can relax a little now?” you ask, tone teasing.
Joel lets out a breathless laugh. He drags his hand down his face. “You’re unreal,” he mutters, voice still hoarse. The phrase makes you beam with pride. It’s the same remark he made over the phone last week…right before he said ‘got me shooting loads like a fucking teenager’.” 
The gratification just from seeing him this wrecked is like a drug. He’s every bit as enticing and addicting as you hoped and feared. You squeeze your thighs together once more and take a deep breath. Committed to the rest of your idea for saving your first date with the divorced DILF of your dreams. 
“Back on the road. We’ve got places to be.”
Joel blinks at you, still trying to catch his breath. “You’re serious?”
“Yep,” you smile lazily, tugging gently at his arm. “Drive.”
He shakes his head, muttering something under his breath about you being the death of him, but he shifts the truck into gear, his hand lingering on your thigh as he pulls back onto the road.
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jamminvroomvroom · 3 hours ago
Text
as sick as it sounds, i loved you first. 1
LN x fem!leclerc reader
part 1 of 2 -> find part two linked HERE!
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in which you just can’t help yourself and neither can lando…
I’M BACK BITCHES!!!! hi sorry it’s been a while but we are back with what i hope is a bang lol. i’ve missed writing so much and as stressful as this was, i’m so so glad to be uploading something! i worked hard on this one and, of course, now i hate it whoops, but my girlie @lavenderlando made this possible and worth it. that’s my hype woman fr fr. N E WAY enjoy! lemme know what you think, and use some imagination for the timeline…
songs to set the vibe: i love you, i’m sorry by gracie abrams, 2hands by tate mcrae, love in the dark by adele, illicit affairs by taylor swift, think twice by suki waterhouse
warnings: 18+!! minors GO AWAY! smut, angst, fluff, kinda enemies to lovers? kinda? r is charles sister oop, miscommunication, both of them are down bad for eachother but they are also extremely dumb! breeding kink, size kink, pain kink (if u squint), unprotected p in v (don’t be silly!),
part 1: 10.3k words
1. oncoming traffic 
“hey, osc, who’s that girl hanging around leclerc? thought he was still with alex.” lando tries his best to sound nonchalant, but oscar can see through him like a freshly buffed window, the way lando clears his throat and nervously ruffles his unruly hair. 
“mate, i know you’re not the sharpest but i didn’t think you were that slow.” oscar laughs, side-eyeing the brit. he was baffled that lando was even asking. lando just shoots him a glare. “wait, you really don’t know?” lando’s glare hardens further, his eyes demanding an answer and oscar just laughs. “that’s his sister, you idiot. how have you never seen her?” 
lando didn’t know how he’d never seen her. this year had been nonstop, what with the pseudo-championship battle and the never ending media shitstorm that rained on him whenever he reared his head. he’d also learned in his years of racing never to look too closely at the women in another drivers entourage. that’s how you ended up in the wall during a race. but charles’ sister? how had he never noticed? 
“maybe i should go and introduce myself.” lando trailed off thoughtfully, his voice remaining playful. oscar snorted beside him, adjusting his racesuit. 
“ooh, yeah, send twitter into a frenzy. it’s been boring lately.” the aussie driver drawls sarcastically, successfully dodging lando’s rapidly approaching elbow to his ribs. 
“glad to know that you take pleasure in my never ending public humiliation!” lando grins maniacally, sauntering out of the garage, no longer any intention of seeking out the pretty girl in the short, black skirt. it was for the best. 
he’s passing through the pit box, immersed in a groupchat thread with max and p about a trip to portugal that he didn’t really want to go on, and bam! like the idiot oscar had just accused him of being, he slams blindly into oncoming traffic. 
oncoming traffic: the pretty girl in the short, black skirt.
“are you incapable of looking where you’re going?” your accent comes out thick, low with rage. it tickles his brain, like he’s heard it before. lando opens his mouth, like a fish out of water, closes it again pathetically. “seriously, for a pilot you have abysmal spacial awareness!” 
“sorry… what the fuck.” lando mutters. why is this woman shouting at him like she knows him? like he regularly barrels into her? 
“lando, yes?” you’ve calmed down a bit now, but you still speak through gritted teeth. 
“…yes?” he replies like he’s not so sure. 
“learn to look where you’re going.” you wrinkle your nose, composing yourself before stepping around him and strutting down the pitlane as if nothing had happened. 
lando stands there, fixed in place, watching her walk away in utter confusion. 
“smooth!” oscar calls from inside the garage, flanked by several laughing mechanics. 
“go fuck yourself!” lando’s flushed red, now, and beeline’s for the pit wall. 
he’s out of earshot when oscar says it. 
“think he just met his wife, boys.” 
-
lando is staring at the data on the screen when it hits him, will’s voice somewhere far away all of the sudden. 
the mysterious leclerc had every right to reprimand him, because she was right. he did need to learn how to look where he’s going. 
she’d told him that already, during their actual first meeting. 
-
2. the first collision 
the music was too loud, suffocating him along with the overbearing smell of cheap perfume, but the alcohol in his system and the outpouring of validation kept lando going. 
three time race winner, lando norris. 
five years of clawing back points and grabbing at podiums with two impatient hands had built up to this, to the incomparable glory of gracing that prestigious top step, and lando wasn’t about to let go of this moment just because of a pressing headache. max and pietra were waiting for him in a booth, surrounded by the rest of lando’s touring entourage. he was wracking up quite the tab, but it was all worth it. every slap on the back, seductive grin sent his way, made it worth it. 
he’s stumbling over his feet, wasted, or close to it, grinning lazily, peering through hooded eyes. the vodka cranberry in his hand is sloshing dangerously around in the glass, his careless movements propelling him towards disaster. 
lando hears the splatter of liquid, first, the scoff of disgust immediately after. long hair whips against his face as she turns, eyes wide with fury, set into a face that was never meant to look angry. he can smell vanilla, flowers. she’s an angel, turned devilish under the strobe lights, her delicate face morphing when he takes in the sight of him. 
“are you fucking serious? mon dieu!” her accent twists his tummy, as does the increasingly see-through material of her tight white dress, layers of chiffon turning transparent with the stark red liquid. it’s all over her back, running slowly down the length of her exposed thighs, sticky. lando stands there, utterly transfixed and useless. she looks like she might slap him; he kind of wants her to. “of course, just stand there. fucking pilots.” 
she mutters the last part and lando gulps. what does she know about other drivers? the implication makes his skin crawl for no reason, the idea of this nameless, mystery woman being familiar with his co-workers. he’s flushed with embarrassment for a multitude of reasons, opening his mouth just to close it again. 
“‘m sorry!” he finally calls out to her, over the music. can the dj turn that shit down? “can i buy you a drink?” she just glares at him, gesturing at her ruined dress. “or… a new dress?” lando tries again, flashing what he hopes are puppy dog eyes. 
he wants to take her back to his hotel room, lick the sweet liquid off of her frame, lap at her til she’s clean and crying. he wants to peel the stained white material off, tear it a little - it’s already ruined anyway! he can’t, though, because she’s wrinkling her nose at him, eyebrow raised, judging, and he’s awash with embarrassment all over again. the club spins and he feels nauseous. he finds max’s eyes on him, his friend stifling laughter at the tragic scene. 
she’s gone when he looks back, seems to have disappeared into a cloud of distinctly expensive perfume, and her friends are curling their lips up at him, dismissive. they don’t care who he is. he wonders if they’re redbull fans, ferrari fans, perhaps. 
he’s met with hoots of laughter as he slumps into the booth. he grabs a shot without a thought, doesn’t even register what liquor it is as it slides down his thick throat. 
“can’t believe you just did that. only you would spill a drink all over leclerc’s sister.” max teases, elbowing him playfully. 
“wha- he has a sister?” lando slurs, spluttering. 
he doesn’t remember much after that. 
youruser just posted on instagram:
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tagged: francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc
liked by francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc and others.
youruser: shoutout to the guy that spilled his drink all over me!
francisca.cgomes: so beautiful so slay i miss u already
alexandrasaintmleux: love you!!!
charles_leclerc: delete this 🤦‍♂️
and other comments.
-
3. the watchful eyes of the big, black horse 
your arm is linked with kika’s, giggling with her as you walk through the paddock. 
“what about him?” kika whispers, pointing her chin towards one of the passing alpine mechanics. he’s blonde, pale, eyes dark.  “pierre said he heard that he’s good with the ladies.” she wiggles her eyebrows and your cheeks heat up, swatting her playfully. 
“i am not about to get a reputation for sleeping my way through the paddock.” you scoff. “plus, he’s not my type.” you shrug. 
“you need to start putting yourself out there more, you keep saying you want someone.” the portuguese girl reasons. you nod sheepishly. 
“i don’t wanna look for something, i want it to find me. is that pathetic? i just see how you are with pierre, how alex is with charles, and that’s what i want. something… real.” you sigh. kika sees the way your eyes gloss over with sadness. 
“it’s never as easy and as perfect as it looks, babe, trust me. and anyway, maybe just focus on… the thing you were telling me about.” kika lowers her voice, giving you the look.
“shut up!” you squeal. “god, i am not discussing that here!” 
“discussing what?” you hear pierre before you see him, hot with embarrassment. you’ve know him since before you could even walk, which is why you have no problem voicing your deepest, darkest shame. 
“how i’m not getting laid, apparently!” you drawl sarcastically, slapping your hand over your forehead. 
a poorly concealed laugh that you don’t recognise has you whipping around, eyes wide with bewilderment. it’s hearty, smooth, surprisingly warming. you practically growl when your eyes land on the source of the noise, standing next to pierre who looks embarrassed for you, his lips pressed thinly together to prevent himself from cackling. 
“why is he here?” you grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes so tightly shut that you feel a pang in your temples. 
“as polite as ever.” lando smirks. you open
your eyes just in time to catch him eyeing up the skin of your thighs that your skirt doesn’t quite cover. is he checking you out? 
“says the drink spiller.” you bite back, rolling your eyes. 
“hey, i tried to pay for the damage.” lando looks utterly amused, pink lips still twisted into a punch-worthy smirk. 
“so, you’ve met lando, then.” pierre grins, staring between you both. you don’t register the way he’s trading looks with kika, watching whatever this scene is unfold. 
“unfortunately!” you smile tightly at the racing drivers. 
“pretty sure you walked into me that second time. distracting me in the workplace, or something.” lando chimes in, enjoying this all a bit too much. 
“if you did a better job at looking where you’re going-“ 
“okay, so this has been delightful!” pierre buts in, knowing that you have the shortest temper of all the leclerc offspring. “you,” he points at you. “get laid. you,” he points at lando. “don’t piss her off, you won’t like the result.”
kika can only send you a sympathetic smile, and remind you of the coffee date you have scheduled for tomorrow morning, as she’s dragged away from your place of social suicide. pierre winks, tilts his head far too pointedly for your liking towards lando. you fantasise, in that moment, of clawing his eyes out. 
“i am sorry, for the record.” lando smiles at you, genuine and gleaming. something inside of you twists. 
“for which time?” you’re just teasing now, but he doesn’t need to know that. 
“you have quite the attitude on you. that why you’re not getting any?”
you’re about to rip his head off and give max an even easier ride towards the championship, but lando steps forward. you can smell old spice, tangy and alluring and masculine. 
“how fucking dare you-“ 
“because most men don’t know what to do with a woman like you. don’t know how to treat them right.” he’s so confident when he says it, leaning towards you in a way you can only describe as enticingly. 
“oh, and you do?” you scoff, arms crossed. you must remain combative, or else you’ll give in. is this rock bottom?
“i’m free tonight if you wanna find out.” 
“i’ll be far too busy doing literally anything else.” you can only pray he hasn’t caught the tremble in your voice, the ever so slight quiver of you bottom lip. you chew it into your mouth to stop yourself. 
“but not anyone else.” lando doesn’t pose it as a question. it seems that he’s got you all figured out. 
“whatever helps you and your hand sleep well tonight.” you spit. there’s heat between you, sparking into a flame that could burn down your whole life. you feel eyes burning into the back of your head - green ones that match yours. you falter. “i’m done here, lando. have a fantastic evening.” 
he takes another liberty, leaning in even closer. spearmint and the idea of a million bad choices flood your every pore. you can feel the big, black horse watching over you, now, set into bright yellow, adorned with ferrari red. looming, warning, turning you in. 
“you know, something tells me i will.” 
lando disappears first, not even giving you a chance you spin on your heel and storm off. you want to kill him, hurt him, sink your teeth into that bronzed, thick throat, claw into his back, down, down, down… until you’re on your knees and- 
“why were you talking to lando?” charles’ voice cuts through your filthy thoughts and you sign yourself over to god immediately, purifying yourself as you banish the visions of delicious sin. after all, you’re standing in the presence of il predestinato, the prince of monaco, a saint to many. but to you, he’s just your brother. your big brother, always in the way, always meddling, always, always watching. you sigh. 
“friendly conversation.” you quip, short. you love him dearly, would take bullets for him, but, god, he keeps you on a leash. leo’s has more give than the conceptual tether charles has to you, keeping you close, boyfriendless, out of “trouble”. you know why, and deep down, you’re beyond grateful, all things considered. you can’t admit that, though. 
“that’s not how pierre described it to me.” charles raises an eyebrow, voice bitter despite the clear attempt he’s made to try and hide it. 
“fucking pierre.” you grunt. “it’s nothing, he came over with pierre. i was with kika. first time i’ve ever even had a conversation with lando.” that didn’t result from a drink being spilt over you to the point of transparency. you leave that bit out - charles really doesn’t need to know that. 
charles mulls over your words, eyeing you suspiciously. you want to stomp your heeled foot like a child, a brat, scream and shout and kick and wail that he has to back the fuck off eventually, but you just smile innocently and pray he believes you. 
“okay,” he mutters, making his peace. “i don’t want you getting too… familiar with him. bad reputation. he used to be quite sweet until his last breakup and now he will fuck anything with a pulse.” you wrinkle your nose at your brothers crude words, feeling the need to jump in and object. but why? you don’t know lando, you don’t care about lando. you press your lips into a thin, painful line. “you should go back to the hotel with alex. looks like i’ll be here late.” he rolls his eyes, you know how it is. 
“sure, good luck.” you offer, smothering the rage that pools in your belly. let me fucking live, you think. just because he’d had to swoop in and save you from yourself once before, didn’t mean that you could live like this forever. 
he has lit a spark under you, one that spreads like a wildfire towards the flame that lando ignited minutes before. if only your brother knew how to keep his big mouth shut, you wouldn’t be spurred on to bad behaviour. 
if only lando hadn’t spilled that drink over you, maybe you wouldn’t be opening his instagram profile and sending a message request. 
a place. your room number. a time. 
you only wish you’d gotten to see the devilish grin on his face when he received it. 
lando can’t want you for the reasons that other guys do. your status as charles leclerc’s little sister, and the gateway to your brother that you provided, meant nothing to the brit. that’s why you’d let him have you; he wouldn’t try to take more than you wanted to give. 
-
4. generous 
the knocks are soft against the door, yet they manage to have every hair on your body standing to attention. you’re quick to let him in, itching to get him inside and away from prying eyes. this is clandestine, secret, could even feel somewhat sacred once it’s over, and the last possible thing you could ever need is for another soul to know what you intend to do with lando, what you intend to let him do to you. 
“hey.” 
“hi.” 
you stare at each other. 
he steps forward. you don’t move away. he takes it as an invitation to close the space entirely, so close that, there it is again: oldspice, except this time it’s mixed with something fresh, shower gel you guess, sea salt. his curls are crisper than they were a few hours ago, still damp from the shower he must have just taken. 
“what changed your mind?” he asks. 
“i was feeling generous.” you deadpan. he bites back a laugh. 
“generous, huh?”
“very.” 
“considering your alleged dry spell, i’d say i’m the generous one, no?” his voiced is edged with something dark, dropped a few octaves. you could absolutely squirm under his gaze, but you hold strong. 
“you know where the door is if that’s how you’re gonna be.” you coo, mocking his seductive undercurrent. all he does is flash his teeth, grinning cheekily, his way of accepting your challenge, your attitude. 
“i think you want me to stay, honey.” 
honey. you fear it works on you. the gap closes even further, you fear it’s your doing. 
“you’re only getting this opportunity because i invited you here.” your resolve is slipping. you’ve admitted that you want him in your pathetic bid to hold the power, when the truth is, you want him to pounce on you, strip away every layer and barrier and make you see stars, feel euphoric. 
“okay, honey, whatever you say.” he chuckles, cruel and taunting. “so, how dry of a spell has it been? wanna know what i’m working with.” 
lando touches you then, lightning shooting down your arm as he traces from your elbow down to your fingers, featherlight, barely there, a ghost of a touch that haunts you so deliciously. your fingers intertwine. you initiate it, but really, it’s his fault. this is all his fault.
you try and laugh, but it sounds broken, quivering it’s way out from your dry throat. 
“dry.”
he just stares at you, expectant. he needs to hear more, needs to know. he craves details about you, has ever since you body slammed him outside his garage - leading to some very covert instagram stalking on his behalf and his oh so convenient way of worming his way into a conversation with pierre when lando could see that the other driver was on his way over towards you. it’s pathetic, maybe, but he craves you the way one craves nicotine forever after just one puff of a cigarette. he has you, just for tonight, maybe longer if he gets this right, so he will know everything he needs to know so that he can touch you just how you need. 
“i’ve only… it’s been a while.” 
he sees right through you. 
“you’ve only what?” he presses. he needs to know.
“i’ve only done this once.” you whisper. it’s the meekest he’s seen you. he loathes it. 
“and was it good?” lando murmurs so attentively that you want to cry. 
your fourth interaction with this man, and he has you melting. 
“not really.” 
“do you trust me?” his nose is bumping yours. you’re locked in, twitching. he has both hands on you, now, one still laced with yours, the other trailing up your arm, tempted to brush his fingertips against the taut skin of your neck. 
how the fuck can i trust you? i don’t know you! what the fuck are we doing? what the fuck am i doing?
that’s not what you say, though, because for some reason, you are so sickeningly comfortable and okay that you worry that something is wrong with you. 
“yes.”
“then this time will be so, so much better. i’ll make it all better.” 
when his lips meet yours, you’re surprised at how good it immediately feels. you don’t know what you were expecting, but his lips are plush, enveloping yours softly, but firm enough that you sink into him, allowing him to cement that grip on the side of your neck that he’d been taunting you with. 
he kisses you like he’s sure of everything, like this is second nature and you’ve done it a thousand times. you want to kiss him a thousand times. why it’s so good, you’re not sure, but it gives you the confidence to lean into him, grab the bottom of his hoodie in your hands and tug. 
“be patient, ‘n i’ll make you feel so good, honey, i promise.” he mouths down your cheek, nipping at your jaw, down your neck until he finds that special spot below your ear. he nibbles there, lapping his tongue over your sensitive skin like he already knows your body. you want to see just how familiar with you he can get. “but,” he punctuates the word with a sharp bite. you both dread and revel in the mark it will leave. “you have to behave for me, okay?” 
his words are whispered against the shell of your ear and you shiver, eyes rolled back already. you wonder if he’ll get them to do a full three-sixty rotation in your skull. 
“‘kay.” you breathe, mindless, floating away. it’s already better than last time.
“‘kay’?” he mocks. “no, honey, you gotta promise me. can you promise me?” 
“promise.” you lock eyes, conveying your obedience. his eyes blow wide, pupils dilating to shove away the mysterious bluey green. his teeth grit. he knows he’s hit the jackpot. 
“good girl.” 
you’re stripped naked, mustering all of your energy to shove his clothes off, his hoodie flying away, his sweats kicked into a faraway dark corner. you’re left naked, him in some increasingly tight boxers, and you tumble into the freshly made bed. he slinks over you, crawling on his hands and knees, predator stalking prey. 
he stains your inner thighs purple, tugging your legs over his shoulder, huge hands warm and rough as they manoeuvre your malleable body to his liking. lando presses kisses to every inch of skin, dragging his tongue over your bare flesh before he spreads you open, sucking and tasting and savouring. he moans into you, open and wet, and it ricochets off of every nerve ending, sending your body taut and arched, catlike. you’re trying to get away, whilst simultaneously grinding yourself closed to him, feeling that broad, sharp nose of his bump messily and firmly against your clit, an ache spreading through your pelvis that makes you shake and shake and whine his name out to the gods. 
“taste like heaven.” lando’s words are simple, straightforward, make you bite your lip so hard you taste something metallic seeping over your tongue. “so tight, even around my tongue,” he slurs, drunk, lost. “gotta stretch you out for me. that okay, honey?” you can just about make it all out, and you nod furiously, pleading. 
his teeth graze your clit. 
“say please.” 
“putain! please!” you kick your feet out when all he does is laugh into your wet flesh. 
one finger grazes through your folds, parting them and collecting a mess of your slick. he looks transfixed as it drips down his finger. 
honey.
you watch him watch how he opens you up, revelling in the utter fascination painting his features, pussy drunk and curious, transfixed. 
“can’t believe you’ve never been fucked right.” he coos, breathless, genuinely shocked. you quake under his skilful hands and his awful, sinful, dirty mouth. 
“more.” you plead, not ashamed by your crude begging. you’re a mess for him already, might as well get the full experience. 
“think you can take another?” 
a second finger slides in, rocking against your walls, testing the waters. you writhe, meeting his movements with shallow thrusts of your hips. 
“faster, i need- mon dieu! anything, lando, please just-“ he really goes to town then, scissoring your dripping cunt open, curling and twisting and grinding the two digits so deep that you see white, hazy chocolate coloured curls and deep, glazed over eyes. 
“that’s it, honey, there you go. so fucking pretty for me.” lando whispers the last bit, awestruck, and you’d take the time to wonder why if you weren’t on the verge of tears, overstimulated, ears ringing. your orgasm crashes over you like a surge of electricity, tearing through your body like it’s trying to escape and take cover. it’s so strong that you’re damp everywhere, sweating and crying and so fucking shocked that it can feel like this. 
“lando.” you pant, mouth dry, voice hoarse.  
“you did so good. was it okay?” he rubs small circles into your hips, eyes flitting between your own and where you’re still leaking for him. he manages to tear his eyes away, like a trance has broken, snaking up your body until he’s laying next to you, propped up on his elbow. he hovers over you, raking his eyes over the rising and falling lines of your body. 
“pretty good, i guess. didn’t know you had it in you.” you tease, smirking lazily up at him. 
you want to keep staring at him but your vision is blurring as your eyes begin to droop. what a long day it’s been. 
“high praise coming from you.” lando reasons, laughing lightly. he strokes over your hipbone and you jolt, curling around onto your side. his skin is warm against yours, soft and smooth, and you dare you press your even closer, shy, as if he wasn’t just buried mercilessly between your legs. you hum in response, spent and languid. “you wanna get some sleep?” he asks. 
“we didn’t… i mean, you didn’t…” you trail off, awkward, gesturing towards his middle. 
lando just smiles. 
“guess i’ll just have to come find you in monaco.” 
you flush, cheeks burning as you consider the fact that you’re gonna be in the same country, a very small, very private city. who knows what could happen? 
you fall asleep quickly, easily, far too comfortable next to the british driver. if you were to ask, he’d say he left immediately. he watches the way you breathe far too intently, ever so slowly pulling his clothes back on. he doesn’t know how long passes, but what he does know is that he can’t wait to have you like this again. 
-
5.  some guy 
you sink into the oversized armchair, sitting back and letting kika and alex talk, nattering backwards and forwards about nothing in particular. or, maybe you’re just zoned the fuck out. 
you can’t stop thinking about the way he touched you, your body littered with evidence, dark purple bruises turning a stale green between you thighs. when you woke up, you initially wondered if it was all a dream, but the dull, sweet ache thrumming through your bones told you just how real it really was. you went through the motions, embarrassed momentarily before deciding to just embrace it, try to bask in the way he’d made you feel: sexy and desirable and electric. 
it was just a shame that it had to be him. that’s what you kept telling yourself, at least. 
kika’s nodding along to a story alex is telling about leo, about to respond with a similar anecdote about simba but she gasps instead, almost spilling her americano all over herself. this gets your attention and you open your mouth to ask her is she’s okay, but she beats you to it. 
“my god, what is that?” she chokes, staring at you. or, well, your neck. 
you flush, heated, blood pooling in your cheeks. 
you’d tried to cover it up, seriously, applying layer after layer of concealer and strategically placing your hair in such a way that you prayed it wouldn’t be noticeable, but nonetheless, there it is, clear as day. red raw skin tinged purple around the seams, branded into your neck like some kind of public humiliation ritual. 
fuck you, lando fucking norris!
you avert eye contact, leaning away from alex who is now making a point of leaning in, going as far as to push your hair back so she can get a closer look. 
“oh my gosh!” she squeals, giggling with kika. 
you take a long, slow gulp of coffee, not caring that it burns your tongue. 
“who was it? holy shit, was it lando?” kika whisper shouts and you officially drop dead on the spot, watching her connect the dots so easily. 
“oh jesus, no! no!” you lie, feigning offence, your leg bouncing shamefully under the table. the two girls eye you suspiciously, but you assume you’ve played it off well. 
“who, then?” alex asks. you wonder if kika has told her about yesterdays interaction. 
“just- i don’t even know, some guy.” you huff, playing with a loose thread hanging from your jumper. 
“some guy? after what you were saying yesterday? okay, babe.” kika teases sarcastically. “no, cmon, who?” she pouts, leaning in as well. 
“just… someone.” you squeak, unable to look up at them. 
“okay, well, we will find out eventually.” alex wiggles her eyebrows and you stick your tongue out, mock-glaring at your sister in law. 
“no, the fuck you won’t.” you try and fake some confidence, scrapping for a mere shred of control. 
yes, the fuck they will, because when you leave for the bathroom, you leave your phone unlocked like the utter fool you are. god has it out for you, you figure, because that’s when he chooses to strike. 
the message lando sends you is short and sweet, and alex chokes on a piece of cake when kika starts gesturing wildly at the notification that pops up on your screen. 
for when you’re lonely at home and can’t find anyone to fuck you right.
attached is his address. 
they don’t breathe a word when you come back, but they share a knowing smirk when they catch you smiling at your phone, and again when you ask if either of them have anything with a higher neckline that you can wear for the race. 
youruser has just posted on instagram:
Tumblr media
tagged: francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux
liked by: francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris and others
youruser: race day, big slay
user1: LEO!!!
alexandrasaintmleux: prettiest girl in the world
user45: lando what are you doing here 🤔
6.    manners
“are you even listening to me right now?” charles scoffs, finishing off his drink out of annoyance. your eyes snap back to him, the thumping music vibrating through your body. 
“sorry, just tipsy.” you purse your lips, attempting to lock back in on whatever he’s saying, but it’s hard. it’s hard, because sprawled out in a booth across from where you stand at the bar, lando is watching your every move. 
you’ve managed to avoid him thus far, no contact since you’d liked the DM he’d sent you a few weeks back. you’d be lying through your teeth if you said you didn’t think of him and what you’d done at literally every waking moment, so the way he’s watching you, hooded eyes sparkling under the strobe lights, has you squirming. it was easier to tell yourself that, surely, it wasn’t that good when he wasn’t right in front of you in a half unbuttoned shirt. the navy blue fabric is wrapped around his body deliciously, taut where his muscles are, the colour popping against his tanned skin - which you can practically feel writhing against yours. 
you wish charles would go away so you could crawl into that booth and commit public indecency. 
speak of the devil, your brother seems to have clocked that you have zero interest in what he has to say so he huffs, ordering another round for the table and telling you he’s going to find alex. he shuffles away and you subtly search for the british drivers mindful eyes, but he’s disappeared, left his entourage in the booth. you swallow disappointment that makes you feel pathetic, head in your hands against the bar top, but the lightest brush of fingers against your waist drags you out of your spiral. you know immediately. 
“did you dress like that for me, or are you just a slut?” he’s grinning, light and teasing, surprisingly sober, tipsy at most, just like you. 
“i could ask you the same.” you smirk, blatantly eyeing his exposed chest. he shrugs, leaning in. 
”might have left an extra button undone just for you.” lando winks and you hope the lights hide the way you flush. 
“sure you did, just for me and every other girl in here.” you challenge. his eyebrows furrow. 
“nope. just for you.” his eyes darken, just a tad but enough that you notice. your mouth runs dry. “you never replied to me.” 
“not true, i liked the message.” you smile coyly, sipping your drink. your lipstick smears against the rim of the glass and you watch him stare at the print, tongue wetting his lips. 
“you are something else.” he shakes his head, pushing his curls back. it could be frustration, but he still seems at ease, like he’s enjoying your combative nature. you smile into the glass, hoping he doesn’t notice. he does. “how much have you had to drink?” 
“this is my second.” 
“you sober enough for me to take you home?” lando’s face is mere inches away from yours now, and you can feel the pull, desperate to crawl into the space that still remains and lose yourself there. 
“depends.” 
“on?” you truly exasperate him, but he thinks he loves it. 
“if you’re actually gonna fuck me this time.” you casually take another sip, playing it off as if your crude words had no impact on you. 
lando’s eyes widen at your bluntness, and so does his grin. 
“meet me by the valet.” 
lando leaves, and you quickly follow, downing the remnants of your glass and touching up your lipgloss. 
-
alex watches from her booth, and pulls out her phone. 
to: kika gomes 
oh, she’s deeeeefinitely sleeping with lando!!!  
-
pietra leans towards her boyfriend, close enough that he can hear her over the noise. 
“isn’t that charles’ sister?” she shouts, pointing to the bar, where lando is stood. 
max analyses the way he’s stood, leant  against the bar, nice and close to the ferrari drivers little sister. he knows that look on lando’s face, and he knows it far too well. max pinches the bridge of his nose. 
“oh for fuck sake.” 
-
it’s weird, sitting with him in silence. he’s only had half a drink, able to drive back through the winding hills to his apartment. you stare out the window, mostly, when you aren’t staring blatantly and curiously at lando. you can see the sea, glistening under the moonlight and you wish you could focus on that instead, but he’s there, and you have to admit - begrudgingly, albeit - that he’s stunning. his hands wrap around the wheel tauntingly, as if he’s trying to convey how he’ll touch you, all consumingly. your thighs press together, your fingers clasping together as if you’re subconsciously stopping yourself from reaching out for him prematurely. 
as if he can hear your thoughts, his palm smoothes over the skin of your bare thigh, right where your dress has ridden up, without a second thought, nothing tentative about the way his digits curve around your skin. 
“so, you’ve been thinking about that night, then?” he breaks the silence, glancing over at you. 
“what makes you say that?” you whisper, not even meaning to but the silence had been so heavy. 
“well, you only left with me on the condition i’d bend you over.” he laughs loud, whole and warm. you fight it, just for a second, but then you join in, giving in to him. you can’t help it, he makes it easy. 
“you got me.” you concede, rolling your eyes. without realising it, you’ve relaxed completely into his touch. 
he pulls off of the road and into a private garage. you breath hitches.
-
“do you want a drink or…?” lando gestures blindly towards his kitchen, walking further into the apartment. 
he’d spent the elevator ride up to his place leant against the opposite wall, taunting, making you wait. he’d let himself look at you, totally unabashedly, raking his eyes over your frame, meekly tucked into the corner, shy under his intense gaze but frustrated by his lack of urgency. 
“i’m good. didn’t come here for a tea party.” you hope your words push his buttons. they must, because he turns on his heel, facing you again, suddenly towering over you. 
his eyes are steel, face serious, and you don’t know what to do. you’ve never seen him look at you like this. 
“i think we need to work on your manners.” he speaks condescendingly, down at you, and if you weren’t so needy, hadn’t been waiting weeks, you’d turn around and leave just to really prove his point. but you stay planted, looking up at him through mascara coated lashes, softening you gaze until you’re sure you’re conveying faux innocence. 
“maybe we can work on them in your bedroom.” you truly don’t know where you get this confidence from, he’s the second man to have ever touched you so intimately, but he’s magnetic, drawing you out of your own head and straight towards him. 
he tugs you towards him, kissing you messily, right there in the dim light of his kitchen, pawing at your waist hungrily. his tongue brushes your and you moan, humming into his mouth at the faint taste of mint and vodka, long gone but you can taste everything. his thick fingers find your ass, hoisting you up until you have no option but to wrap your legs around him, your dress scratching at your thighs the higher it rides up, but all it does it turn you on more, rough sensations on sensitive skin. 
lando walks you blindly to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss, and you wonder how many times he’s done this to get it down to muscle memory. the thought makes you nauseous, drags you mercilessly right back into your head, and you pull away, your lips barely brushing his. 
“why me?” you breathe, panting into the shallow space where your mouths have parted.
“what?” he whispers, confused. 
“why do you want to do this with me?” you have to check, past insecurities rising to the surface like bile in the back of your throat. he looks genuinely baffled and you feel foolish for ruining the moment. 
“why wouldn’t i? you’re gorgeous and-“ he cuts himself off, his eyes glazing over. the demeanour slips and you’re stuck, his arms still tight around you, holding you close in the empty space at the foot of his bed. 
“what?” you whisper. 
“you’re part of the same life.” the way he looks at you says words that he can’t. 
words that will sound too shallow and too selfish and too meaningless, even though you will understand them because you’re here for similar reasons, and therefore, they will mean too much. 
you can’t take things from him. you can’t fake it. you can’t break him into a million pieces when he finally discovers that you want him because of what he can give you.
you nod once, firm.  
“i get it.” you smile sadly. lando wants to know more. he can find out some other time. a moment of clarity passes between you. “kiss me, again?” you ask. he delivers immediately. 
kisses you all the way onto the bed. kisses you while he helps you take off your heels, while he drags the zipper of your dress down. you both feel safe now, understood, and that really moves things along. 
“so pretty.” he mutters into your skin, shedding you of your tight dress. 
your shaky fingers work over the buttons of his shirt, peeling it off of his broad shoulders, taking in the sight of him all over again. you’re left in your panties, braless already, and he gawks down at you, like he’s seeing everything for the first time. it makes you feel powerful. 
“can you hurry up?” you writhe, arching into his touch. he smiles, covering his body with yours and pressing a kiss to your lips. his fingers slide over the curves of your body, finding the band of your underwear and toying with it. 
“want me to take them off?” he purrs, trailing his lips down your jaw to just below your ear. 
“now.” you beg, eyes fluttering closed as his warm breath pricks at your skin, teeth nibbling. “no marks.” you whine, flashing back to the weeks over knowing looks and attempts at covering the last one up. 
“what were we saying about manners, hm? gonna need to start hearing some ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’, okay, honey?” he bites down again, harder this time, and you squirm underneath him, your soft belly moulding to each dip of his abs.
his fingers dip into your panties, finding your clit amongst your wetness. you just about bite back a moan, but you can’t help but roll your hips into his hand, his fingertips gliding easily through your folds. 
“va te faire foutre.” you mutter, teeth gritting at the pleasure and his words. go fuck yourself.
“i’ve lived in monaco long enough to know what that means.” lando whispers, pinching your clit once before plunging a finger inside of you. 
you hiss, head thrown back, the feeling of him smiling against the hickey bittersweet. and to think, it was almost healed. you can’t help but keen into his touch. 
“more,” you pant. “please.”
“you learn fast.” lando approves, and quickly fulfils your request, adding another finger. 
they flex inside of you, grinding deeper and deeper until you’re whimpering his name and leaking down his wrist. your arms wrap around him, nails digging in to his smooth back, his ropey muscles tensing under your firm touch. his thumb bumps your clit, over and over, pushing you to the precipice, so close you can taste the impending orgasm on your tongue. 
“it’s so good, merci, god.” you sound wrecked already, and lando can’t wait to see how far he can push, how far apart he can take you.  
“that other fucking loser didn’t know what he had, jesus, you’re so fucking hot.” he rasps, admiring the rise and fall of your chest, how your breasts bounce with every thrust of his fingers, the way his hand is glistening in the low light of his bedroom. his words are your undoing, the awe in his voice sending sparks shooting through every nerve ending. 
“lando, ‘m gonna… putain!” the way you switch languages is sexy to him, tells him how scrambled your brain is, and he twitches in his boxers. when you cum, it’s as gorgeous and as enticing as the first time, and he jolts against your hip, desperate to get inside of you finally. 
“you’re so beautiful.” he groans, pulling his fingers from your entrance. he stares blindly at the mess you’ve made on them, salivating, remembering the way you taste. it’s a no brainer for him, and he licks both digits clean, giving you just a moment to recover. 
“i need you.” you whisper, your legs still spread, quivering slightly. 
you pull him in once more, his covered crotch grinding against your slick and you cry out, the friction sending you into overdrive. his teeth dig into your shoulder, the sensation entrapping him, leaving him weak, ready to give you whatever you ask. he pushes his underwear away, and your eyes go wide. 
“you can have me,” he grunts, running his hand over himself. “think you can take it?” he wets his lips and you think you could cum again at the sight of him. sweat slicked, tight curls falling over his eyes, lips licked pink and kiss swollen, hard and heavy in his own hand, body curved over yours possessively. you’re a simple woman, really. 
“i think i can try.” you want to sound confident, but it comes out as a squeak. 
he sits back on his knees and brings his free hand to cup your jaw. 
“i’ll go slow with you, honey, okay? you can tell me to stop.” lando promises. “you sure you want this?” 
you nod, pouting up at him. 
“i want you, i can take it.” you manage through a deep breath. 
the stretch is brutal, splitting you in half. all you can do is breathe, watching the way he watches you, and that’s what you hone in on, his pretty eyes watching where he’s filling you up. when he bottoms out, he stops for a second, scanning your face for discomfort. 
“are you okay?” 
“c’mere.” you coo, and he falls back over you, paws at your waist. “move, lando.” you plead. 
it’s slow, deep, makes your toes tingle. you can feel each and every drag of him against your walls and it makes you dizzy, a knot twisting and tickling in your belly. your fingers are twisted around him, around his biceps, crumbling a little bit every time he flexes in your grip. 
“oh, mon dieu.” you’re whimpering, legs wrapping around him like vines, tighter and tighter with every buck of his hips. 
“‘s it feel good, honey? yeah? you’re so fucking tight for me.” lando chokes, licking over the sweat on your collarbone. “‘m i making it feel good?” he sounds so cocky, sexy, but there’s a soft edge around his words. it matters to him, how he’s treating you, this, a certain delicateness hanging around your intertwined bodies like a cloud. 
“so good, lando, so fucking good.” the words scratch your throat raw, and your teeth sink into your bottom lip. 
“no, no, lemme hear you, pretty girl. can feel how close you are for me.” you can hear the edge to his voice, can tell the end is near for both of you, the way his words wobble despite his best attempts at hiding it. “need you to look at me, and i need to hear you.” 
you don’t even realise until then that your eyes are shut, screwed up tight as the pleasure rolls through your body, flooding each and every one of your senses. you free your lip, and everything pours out, whines, raw slurs of his name. 
“i’m so close.” he grunts, watching the way your face moves, hanging on to every micro expression, the way you battle to keep all of your attention on him. 
“fill me up.” you urge, squeezing his hips between your thighs. his eyes widen, the request slowly registering, and he blinks away the voice in his head telling him to do it. 
“you know i can’t.” he’s firm, sensible even if you aren’t. 
“want it so bad, lan, please, wanna feel it.” you reason, cupping his face and pushing his curls back. 
“not tonight.”
“yes, tonight. give it to me.”
“i said no, don’t be a fucking brat.” he hisses, squeezing his eyes shut. 
“know you want it.” you whisper, seductive and devious. you can see his resolve slipping, tightening around him. 
before you can say anything else, your hands are scooped up, pinned above your head. he’s right over you now, your hips perfectly aligned, and he’s driving so deep that you swear you can feel him in your tummy. his thrusts resort to a harsh grind, digging into each other with every snap of his pelvis. 
“you want it so bad? huh? fine.” he growls, forehead resting against yours. “want me to cum in you, fuck it all back in? yeah, honey? you gonna keep it all in for me?”
“whatever you want.” you promise, eyes rolling back in your head. “just- please, please do it.” you pant, mouth dry. 
“that’s it, pretty girl, take it all for me.” he buries his face in your neck, nipping at your collarbone. “doing so good.” the words fan against your throat, hushed, leaving you warm from the inside out, brainless. 
when you spill around him, it’s at the same time as he lets go, and he fucks you through your orgasms. you go limp beneath him, taking it, letting it all wash over you, letting him wash all over you. you feel like you can’t breathe, suffocating under the weight of him and the reality of what you’ve just done. again. for some reason, you don’t care, and decide that you’ll do this again and again, anytime he’ll have you. not that you’ll ever tell him that… 
“fuck.” he exhales, rolling off of you carefully, but the overstimulation - and then lack thereof - makes you wince, and he strokes your hip gently in apology. 
“that was better than i thought it would be.” you grin, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
“you know, these are starting to sound kinda backhanded.” he beams, laughing breathlessly, but just as he begins to relax into his bedspread, he remembers. “oh fuck, shit, we need a pharmacy!” lando bolts up so that he’s sitting, scanning the room blindly for his clothes. you giggle and he snaps his head towards you, panicked. 
“no, lando, we don’t.” 
“all of that ‘uh, fill me up, please lando you’re so sexy’ talk means that, yes we absolutely do! fuck, how much is plan b these days?” he’s spiralling now, tugging at his curls. 
“first of all, i’m on birth control. second of all, i don’t sound like that, and most importantly, i did not call you sexy.” you smirk, stretching out your tight muscles. 
“that’s the most important part? woman, you nearly killed me.” lando gasps, slumping back down into bed. 
“‘m sorry, couldn’t resist playing with you a little. good to know we share a kink, though.” your smirk turns into a coy smile, and you swing your shaky legs out of the bed, your feet sinking into the plush rug. 
“oh, yeah? what other kinks are you hiding from me?” lando sits back against the headboard, tucking his hands behind his bed. you have to look away, or else you’ll accidentally fall back into his bed. 
“guess you’ll have to wait and find out.” it makes him quirk an eyebrow, a look of understanding settling over his face. 
“so this is gonna be a regular thing, yeah?” 
you’re putting your underwear back on when he says it, searching for your dress, but his words make you freeze. he sounds hopeful, and it makes your chest pang… wait, is that your heart?
“i don’t… i mean, as you unfortunately know, i haven’t done this before. i don’t know how this works.” you say it so earnestly, so innocently, that his whole face softens, awestruck and boyish. 
“i want it to be a regular thing.” he says it gently, like he’s offering it to you, to the universe. 
“okay. me too.” you whisper back, shy under his gaze. 
“are you… like, do you think you’ll be sleeping with other people?” lando squeaks, doing a terrible job of playing it cool. 
“for so many reasons, no.” you grimace. “but if we’re doing this then i wouldn’t want to anyway.” you say softly. your dress is back on now, but he has you flustered, and you can’t quite get the zipper. 
“lemme help.” he offers, and he’s out of bed and before you in a matter of seconds. his calloused fingers graze your skin as he pulls the zipper together and up, adjusting your dress back into place. it feels so terrifyingly intimate, exciting, and you can’t bring yourself to move away. “i wouldn’t want to either.” he breathes the words quietly into the small space between you. 
“okay.” you don’t even try to hide the way you beam, staring up at him. 
“i’ll take you home, yeah?” 
“yeah.”
-
7.  worth it
and so, begins a clandestine affair, touches in the shadows, subtle glances, watchful eyes. 
one of you calls, the other comes, sneaking through doors that neither of you should enter, leaving bars a few minutes apart, making up excuses to get out of plans. 
there’s the time lando has you bent over the end of your bed, tears leaking into the mattress, slick everywhere. he’s so deep this way, hammering away at the special spot nestled within you that he’s become very familiar with. one of his hands is dragging your hips back to meet his thrusts, the other splayed out across your back, holding you down. 
your phone rings. it’s alex. you were supposed to be a brunch twenty minutes ago. you groan out, frustrated in every sense of the word. 
“answer it, honey.” lando grunts, pulling you towards him even harder. you whimper, shaking your head, words dying on your tongue. “go on, i know you can do it. wouldn’t want alex to worry, would you? let her know you’re okay.” he coos, condescending. 
he’s so arrogant, full of it, and you like the challenge. you can’t let him win, can’t let him revel in how fucked out he has you, so against your better judgement, you grab the phone, fingers shaking as you answer. 
“hi, love. i know, i’m late! ‘m sorry, i’ll be there soon!” you wince at the way your voice shakes. you hope she can’t hear the way you’re panting, or the sound of his hips hitting yours. 
lando slows his hips, hitting deep at such a torturously slow pace that feels a million times better than it already did. your free hand flies back, swatting at him. 
“where the hell are you? i was worried!” alex sounds relieved, but there’s something else in her tone that you can’t quite decipher. 
“i’m on my way, i promise! i was with arthur.” you lie, throwing your younger brother into the line of fire. you know, for credibility. alex is silent for a moment. 
“oh, okay. well, get here soon, please! love you!” and with that, she hangs up the phone. you release a breath you were holding, crying out when lando immediately speeds up again. 
“i hate you.” you choke, grinding your hips into him. lando just scoffs, sliding a hand under your belly, flush against the mattress. he finds your clit, playing with it, urging you quickly towards your release. 
“no, you don’t.” he laughs. “you better cum for me, pretty girl, i think you have somewhere to be.” 
-
“i’m on my way, i promise! i was with arthur.”
alex has to bite back a laugh. she stares across the table, where arthur is having an avid debate with charles and joris. arthur, who had been with her and charles for hours. 
“oh, okay. well, get here soon, please! love you!” alex hangs up the phone, giggling to herself. leo stirs in her lap. 
“what’s so funny?” charles asks her. she shakes her head. 
“oh, nothing, she just overslept.” 
-
there’s the time where he has you hiked up on your kitchen counter, messy curls tickling the insides of your thighs. he’s licking at you ravenously, dragging his tongue up and down, twisting around your clit in circles. 
you’re tugging on his hair, holding him close to where you’re aching, dripping, slicking up the lower half of his face. he’s groaning into you, starved and desperate. it’s been a week since you’ve seen him, had him like this, the longest you’ve done without him since the first time you’d had sex. its untamed and needy and you fear what it means, the way you’re so addicted to one another. 
you also haven’t seen your brother for a week, something you realise when you hear a key turn in the lock, down the corridor. you have seconds to react, the noise washing over you like a bucket of ice cold water. you squirm, pushing a very confused lando away, managing to kick him lightly in the head as you leap from the counter. 
“mon dieu! fuck, i’m sorry!” you gasp. 
“what the fuck is going on-“ you cut him off, slapping your palm over his mouth. 
you glance around frantically, looking for a way out of this. there is but one option available. 
“the balcony! just- fuck, get out there!” you shoo him over to the small window, begging him with your eyes. “please! i’ll get rid of him!” 
you can hear footsteps approaching. you’re sweating now, smoothing down your skirt and your hair anxiously.
charles calls your name, rounding the corner  and walking into your kitchen, just as you pull the window closed again. 
“shit, you scared me!” you fake, clutching your chest. you can feel your heart hammering. 
“i did knock, sorry!” charles looks you over, scanning the kitchen. “are you okay?” 
“yeah, fine, sorry, i must have been out of it. i’m in the middle of an assignment.” you lie. 
“oh okay, well i can always go…” he’s looking at you weirdly, and you fear he knows something, that he can tell. 
“can we get dinner tonight? i’ll book.” you offer, scratching your neck. 
“yeah, that’s great. are you sure you’re okay?” your brother asks, turning to leave. 
“promise, yeah, i’m just so busy with work, deadlines and all that.” you wrinkle you nose, feigning distaste. 
“well you can tell me all about it later, okay? love you.” charles says sincerely, smiling. 
“love you too.” you call, listening for the sound of the door closing behind him. 
you immediately rush for the window, throwing it open, peeking your head out. lando stands with his back against the wall, shivering in nothing but a t-shirt. you look at him sheepishly. 
“get back in here.” you tell him, standing back to give him space to crawl back through. “‘m sorry.” you giggle. 
“you’re lucky you’re worth it.” lando teases, stalking towards you and wrapping you in his arms. his skin is cold against yours, and you huff, try and push him off. “hey, i’m cold!” he pouts. 
“you know, you’re lucky you’re worth it, i could have just let him murder you.” you reason, looking up at him. your hands slide around him, returning his embrace, warm hands skating up under his shirt. 
“you wouldn’t.” he says simply. “i’m way too good in bed.” 
“you keep telling yourself that, norris.” 
“i don’t need to, you tell me more than enough.” 
lando leans down to kiss you, then, nothing all that unusual but it always feels like a step too far, intimate in a way that you two usually aren’t. you kiss him back regardless, because really, you love it. he always tastes minty, divine when you let him lick into your
mouth. 
“i believe we were in the middle of something.” he whispers. 
“remind me.” you breathe. 
-
and there’s also the time where he’s fucking you in his drivers room, the massage table thudding dully against the wall with every hard thrust. 
his race suit is pulled down just enough, your dress bunched around your hips, and he’s slamming into you mercilessly.
the whole thing was a blur, really; you’d always vowed that you would never have sex at a race track, but that promise was old news, now, broken the very second you caught the way he was staring at you. his eyes were hard, unreadable, jaw clenched as he glared at the man talking to you. you were just being friendly, catching up with franco, but lando wouldn’t have it, not after such a shitty race. one harsh snap of his neck towards the mclaren motorhome had you quickly excusing yourself. you knew what it meant. 
“you don’t talk to me at the track but you let him?” lando growls, rutting into you wildly. you cling onto the damp material of his racesuit, head thrown back. 
“was just saying hello.” you gasp out, opening your eyes to look up at him. he’s staring down at you, angry. it’s hot.
“i don’t wanna see you talking to him. you see how he was looking at you? fucker should know who you belong to.” he hisses, sliding his hand between your legs. “you’re gonna cum for me when i say, okay? and you’re gonna be nice and loud, honey. no holding back.” 
“lando i’m-“
“when. i. say.” he cuts you off, punctuating each order with a snap of his hips. 
all you can do is take it, dripping all over him. you can hear it, the wet squelch of him filling you up. 
“should mark up this pretty neck, yeah? let everyone know that you already belong to someone.” 
you barely register what he’s saying, but the words leave you hot, pushing you even closer to the edge and you clamp down around him. 
“squeezing me so tight, bet you’ve wanted me all day, huh, honey? saw you looking at me earlier, pretending like you weren’t when i caught you. couldn’t just asked and i would’ve fucked you right then.” lando grunts. you wail out, thrashing against the makeshift bed and he nods, letting you know it’s okay. 
“that’s right, pretty girl, that’s it. been so good letting me have you. cum for me, baby.” 
baby.
it’s the first time he’s ever called you that. it’s the final push you need. 
he collapses into you as he finishes, sweaty curls plush against your bare shoulder. you’re both panting, spent, basking in the moment of silence.
“thank you.” he whispers, sealing it with a kiss against your neck. it tingles, a foreign feeling settling in your belly, shooting through your veins. 
“you drove really well.” you reply, quiet. his breathing halts, a self deprecating laugh filling the room. 
“don’t do that.” 
“what?” 
“act like you were watching my race. charles have a great drive, that must have been a lot more interesting.” 
“maybe, but i was watching you.” 
your words hit him hard. he can’t help but kiss you. you swallow a moan, and a whole heap of feelings that you’re too scared to tackle. 
“you better go. will i see you in brazil?” 
“yeah, lando. you will.” 
youruser just posted on instagram:
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tagged: francisca.cgomes
liked by: alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris, charles_leclerc and others
youruser: hola chica 🤭
francisa.cgomes: my love my loveeeee
user21: once again i am asking. why are you here lando? 👀
user56: stop inventing!
alexandrasaintmleux: my beautiful girlies
user66: icon mother slay incredible
-
PART TWO IS HERE!
taglist
@boysthatgovroomvroom @welld0nebaku @thegirlinthefandoms @mcmuppet @japanesekel @vinvantae @ggaslyp1 @dr3lover @smiithys  @rachstash @infinitebells @fizzpopsnap101 @gaily19 @icecoldtires @mysticalnightenthusiast @thatchickwiththecamera @oyesmendes @disneydaydreameralways @canyouseethesainz @ferrarifwendvale @fcbformulaeri @tony-stank3 @maih23 @soleilgrec @carolineworld @anthonykatebridgerton @allywthsr @iamasimpingh0e @ophcelia @lovelynikol16 @coffeehurricanes @jennx03 @blueflorals @lqvesoph @sidcrosbyspuck @better-dead-than-smeg @buendiabebeta @pjofics @kovalcin @wintergilmore3 @for-writing-shit @youdontknowmeshh @im-an-overthinker @jule239
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anthurak · 2 days ago
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Sinsmas Theories of Varying Plausibility
So I thought I’d go over a few theories of what we might be seeing in Sinsmas, in order of how certain I am/how much evidence I can find for them:
First off, we have the scenes and lines from the trailer that haven’t heard yet, and thus really HAVE to assume we’ll be seeing them in the finale.
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We have both Octavia’s “You don’t love momma and you don’t love me! You love HIM!” line, and this shot of her. Basically I think it’s a safe bet we’re getting both a big confrontation between Octavia and Stolas and likely a song from her as well, either a solo number or a duet with Stolas. While the latter might be more likely, I think the former option is particularly interesting, as it would emphasize Octavia growing up and becoming independent of her father.
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Then we have these two shots of Andrealphus powering up looking generally pissed and what is almost certainly him about to crush Stolas and Blitzo. Now this is ESPECIALLY interesting after last episode, considering that Andrealphus basically got everything he wanted. So why exactly is he flying off in a murderous rage at Stolas (with Blitzo likely caught in the crossfire) NOW?
Well I think it’s a safe bet that Stolas and co. manage to actually get some kind of win over Andrealphus, and I mean a BIG win. As I’ve said in previous posts, this shot of Andrealphus has massive vibes of ‘bad guy who just got all his plans foiled and is flying into a sore-loser-fuck-you murderous rage on the heroes’.
Now what this 'win' might actually be is a bit hard to say at this point. It could be Octavia turning on Stella and Andrealphus? Or maybe some legal loophole that strips Andrealphus of the power he was hoping to get from Stolas? Maybe I.M.P. and friends tracked down Striker and beat a proper confession out of him that, while perhaps not exonerating Stolas, DOES strip Andrealphus of any right to take his power?
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Which of course brings us to this shot of Blitzo and Stolas. Which, as I’ve said in previous posts, has ALL the hallmarks of a ‘these characters are about to die and get saved at the last second by someone else’ reveal. Whether it be Octaiva, Loona, or perhaps someone else…
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That someone of course potentially being Vassago, which brings us to our second category of ‘stuff I have a good hunch on’.
See, while Vassago had a very prominent introduction last episode as basically the ONLY Goetia actually on Stolas’s side, he also didn’t get the chance to really help Stolas in any way. Which I have a feeling is setting Vassago up to have a more important role next episode.
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Like I think it’s easy to imagine Vassago tracking down Stolas and winding up actually being quite helpful and even vital in getting him in contact with Octavia, which of course in turn creates some VERY interesting/spicy conflict with Blitzo, especially if Vassago ends up able to be MORE helpful to Stolas than Blitzo. Not to mention I imagine Vassago is a VERY likely candidate for saving Stolas and Blitzo from Andrealphus.
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Which of course brings us to all the Stolitz drama which I am fairly certain we are FAR from done with. As in, despite ending on a cute note, Blitzo and Stolas didn’t actually RESOLVE or even communicate on any of their real issues, and in fact are even CONTINUING a number of trends that destroyed their relationship in the first place. Such as Stolas going straight to self-sacrifice for Blitzo or the fact that the power-imbalance between them is now essentially just reversed and in some ways even MORE pronounced.
Basically, Stolitz is by NO MEANS out of the woods yet and this seemingly cutesy ending could easily be a fake-out for things falling apart next episode. Most notably, Stolas grappling with the fact that he just threw away EVERYTHING, most notably his DAUGHTER, for Blitzo. Which could easily make things VERY dicey for these two next episode, especially if Blitzo proves unable to help Stolas getting in touch with Octavia, which would only be FURTHER complicated if Vassago shows up to prove much more helpful in this regard.
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Really, the issue of Octavia is something that could very well break Blitzo and Stolas apart (seemingly*) for good next episode. As in, we may very well see Stolas being forced to essentially choose between his daughter’s safety and happiness, or his being with Blitzo. And as much as Stolas absolutely LOVES Blitzo, I think we can all agree he would probably choose his daughter of Blitzo.
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And the best part is that as much as Blitzo LOVES Stolas right back and would be absolutely torn apart by this decision, he would still one-hundred percent UNDERSTAND Stolas’s choice. After all, he’s a father too.
Finally, and this is admittedly more of a ‘fingers-crossed, something I’m hoping for’ idea more than something I can point to any specific evidence for…
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But I am seriously hoping that LOONA winds up being the surprise MVP of the episode through her friendship with Octavia. As in, Octavia metaphorically and/or literally slams the door on Stolas, and it’s ultimately Loona who brings her around. Basically representing a follow-up to their scene together back in Seeing Stars.
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Like more than any of the hackneyed ‘wholesome sisters’ headcanons that the fandom has pigeonholed them into by now, I think this would be where a friendship between these two has some FASCINATING potential. For example, what if Loona brings Octavia around not by convincing her to ‘forgive’ Stolas, but rather simply convincing her that it’s not worth burning that bridge. Something that Loona may well have personal experience with herself.
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Basically, while the other stuff is what I think might happen, the Loona and Octavia focus is what I’m HOPING will happen.
--
To clarify, as I have stated in all my other theory posts on Stolitz potentially not being together at the end of the season; I fully expect that Blitzo and Stolas WILL in fact get together by the end of the series. Instead, this is theorizing on the show essentially saying that Blitzo and Stolas don’t work as a couple right now, and end the season not together, though still on good terms as friends.
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letsbangts · 12 hours ago
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ridin || jjk
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⤷ summary: when the car ride has you both wildin
⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader
⟶ word count: 3.8k
18+ // mdni
⟶ genre: smut, established relationship au
⟶ content: boyfriend!jk, pwp (seriously it's just straight SMUT)
⟶ warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content: car sex, dirty talk, fingering, teasing, kissing/making out, grinding, nipple sucking, spitting, oral (m. & f. receiving), manhandling, biting, spanking, big dick jk, soft dom jk, rough sex, unprotected sex (do better than them!), pet names, multiple orgasms, some choking, praising, a bit of degradation, crying, cream pie
a/n: song inspiration 'ridin by jessie reyez ft lil wayne'. hope you enjoy & let me know what you think!
masterlist
✇ ✇ ✇ ✇ ✇ ✇ ✇ ✇ ✇ ✇
As you both make your way home, the night streets are relatively quiet; the scattered lights from the occasional passing vehicles, street lamps and the few establishments still open cast a soft glow around you two.
The excitement from your outing is still vibrating through the pair of you: with the windows rolled down, the wind blowing in your hair and music playing from the speakers, it is hard to be anything but happy right now. However, the atmosphere around you holds much more than just light-hearted fun—an intensity also surrounds you.
As the car halts at a red light, you glance at Jungkook and take him in with the dark attire that fits him perfectly, accentuating his toned figure and face with striking features that would drive anyone wild. He looks back at you, the glow from the dashboard illuminating his features, and you catch that familiar expression in his eyes. It's a look you recognize, one that you know mirrors your own. Both of you feel the same thing, desire for each other.
Giving him a smile that holds zero innocence, you put your hand to the side of your seat to pull the lever and lean it back. Jungkook smirks at you as his gaze moves downwards to watch your movements as you spread your black fishnet-covered legs causing your mini jean skirt to hike up just enough to flash your black thong.
He lets out an airy laugh through his nose, tongue running along the inside of his cheek. His gaze moves back up to meet yours just as the light changes to green.
"Greenlight.", you say with a mischievous smile.
Your boyfriend gets the hint right away. With a grin, Jungkook puts his eyes back on the road to continue the journey home. You feel his tatted hand come between your thighs, and you let him right in, spreading them even further.
Jungkook with a hand still on the wheel driving, uses the one occupied with you to trace along your clothed heat. He takes advantage of the access the holes in your tights give him, touching your clit with slow and gentle movements. With your hum of appreciation, he pushes your panties aside and runs his middle finger through your folds coated with arousal.
You let out a small sigh from the feeling, the reaction brings a throaty chuckle out of him as he glances at you from the corner of his eyes. The amount of wetness that has already accumulated from the pure lust oozing out of you for this man is almost embarrassing.
"So fucking wet from nothing, huh baby girl.", he snickers.
"Mmm Kook", you sigh.
Once his finger has gathered enough of the wetness he slides it right in, your walls enveloping it like they are welcoming him home. He starts moving his finger in a steady rhythm and you moan as you buck your hips up to enhance the pleasure, his palm hitting your clit with every pump. You tilt your head back against the headrest closing your eyes when you feel tension in your lower belly. Everything around you only intensifies the experience. Between the cool night air on your skin along with the warmth of Jungkook's hand on you and the soft music playing mixed with the wet sounds of Jungkook's finger pumping in and out of you, it all only makes the pleasure build up more.
Suddenly he pulls his finger out, your eyes snap open and your head whips over in his direction as your chest heaves up and down. You're about to ask what made him stop but he looks over at you and beats you to it:
"Redlight.", he says with a devilish smile and a glint in his eye.
He brings his glistening finger to his mouth sucking your slick off it while keeping eye contact with you. You scoff out a half-laugh of frustration from the sudden fall of the high he had you on.
"You're just a damn tease.", shaking your head and looking out the windshield.
"You can't be the only one having fun.", he laughs wickedly while looking straight ahead.
Fortunately, this light changes much faster, indicating go. He presses on the gas and your neediness picks up speed along with the car. You see he makes no move to resume his previous actions so you try pulling at his hand to bring it back but he resists and tsks at you.
You cross your arms over your chest, a pout forming and the unwanted emptiness makes you almost whine in protest. But then you notice him pulling over at the side of the road. The area is virtually empty, void of any sign of nightlife.   
Jungkook cuts the engine and turns on the dome light. He unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches over to do the same for you. Then before you can react he grabs your chin pulls your face to his and kisses you. A soft moan leaves you as you feel his tongue graze against the seam of yours, biting into your lower lip then he tugs it before he pulls away. His eyes staring into yours and lips hovering as he whispers:
"No need to catch a little attitude. Now get in the back hmm.", with his thumb running along your bottom lip.
Your eyes sparkle as you quickly nod moving to do just what he said jumping over the centre console eagerly. Jungkook watches with amusement as he opens the door to join you in the backseat. As he steps out the front he shakes his head with a smile.
"Cute.", he mumbles to himself.
When he finally settles beside you, you practically jump him dragging him by his neck towards you crashing his lips on yours but before you both get carried away Jungkook breaks the kiss.
"One-sec baby."  
You see him lean forward stretching over to the front of the car and reaching up to the dome light to turn it off. Grabbing onto his shoulder to stop him, he turns to you with a raised brow in question.
"Leave it on. I like to see you when I'm on top", you say.
Bringing him back in, both of you smiling into the kiss but as time goes on the kissing turns wet and sloppy, tongues swirling around one another. Losing track of how long you make out for you now feel so hot from the intimacy.
Your fingers tug his hair and he groans, pulling you onto his lap before he chases your lips once again. His hardness is poking you, but you can tell he’s not fully hard underneath his black jeans. The neediness from before returns between your legs for any touch, your body naturally starts shifting on his lap making a moan rumble in his chest. Once Jungkook feels you grinding, with your Levi skirt hiked up he slides his hands underneath it, pinching the band of your tights with his fingertips and then drawing it back to snap against your skin.
Your hands are all over his firm torso, moving underneath his shirt and he grabs your ass and squeezes encouraging you to keep grinding onto his clothed length. His hands run all over your back down to the hem of your hoodie gliding it up, breaking the kiss just long enough to pull it over your head, and tossing it onto the floor. He dives back into the frenzied makeout, his hands expertly unclipping your black bra and discards it as well. After a few more minutes of your tongues dancing together, he then grips your waist before he lightly pushes you back separating both of your lips, now swollen and glistening with mixed saliva.
Jungkook uses his strength to manoeuvre the two of you, having you lie down with him hovering over you with his knees between your legs. His head dives to your neck and he starts sucking.
“Oh, fuck.”, you curse, head leaning backwards with his lips on the new spot. He groans into the curve of your neck when your hands find their way under his shirt again, digging your nails into his shoulder blades.
He licks the skin of your neck before he goes back to sucking, skillfully twirling his tongue and making you gasp into the air. Lips journey down leaving a trail of markings from the side of your neck, down the front of your throat, and along your collarbone. Thick fingers go to the front of your crumpled skirt undoing the button and pulling the zipper down, while licking a final long strip, stopping just under your ear.
"I think it's about time we take this off.", he rasps into your ear.
You lift your hips to allow him to slide them down your legs, fishnet tights and underwear following right after with his quick hands, all joining your sweater on the floor. Jungkook pulls away, sitting back on his heels as he eyes your now completely bare sprawled-out figure, mouth parted and breathless.
"My pretty girl.", a fond smile on his face as he whispers with his rough hands gently caressing your inner thighs.
"No fair, why are you still dressed?", you whine with a grin reaching for the hem of his long-sleeved shirt and tugging at it. He chuckles as he removes it, then leans down and pecks your lips.
"You're so needy today," he runs his nose down your neck to your chest. Those doe eyes look up at you before he takes one of your nipples into his mouth. Arching your back, you gasp while he swirls his tongue against it. The other is occupied by his hand, moulding the soft flesh in his huge palm before pinching the nipple. He switches to give both the same treatment and releases them with a pop when he’s done.
"But don't worry babydoll, I'll take care of you."
He hovers over you again slowly making his way down to your stomach his locks tickling against your skin. His words make your heart flutter while his actions bring goosebumps to your skin.
Settling down between your legs he presses his lips against your hip bone and grabs the back of your knees pushing your legs up into your chest. Jungkook licks a long stripe over your folds and he spits onto your pussy before he starts kissing and sucking your lower lips.
“Oh, fuck, Kook.”, you breathe out, lifting off the seat.
He holds you down, making sure you don't wriggle away from the extreme pleasure before he enters you with his tongue. Gasping, you grip his hair tightly releasing a growl out of him. He repeats it all over again lick, kiss, then suck.
“You taste so fucking good,” he groans, drawing back and pushing his hair out of his face before grabbing your ankles and forcing your legs to stretch out spreading them as far as possible. The way he roughly moves your body around drives you insane. You have one foot resting on the top of the backseat and the other on top of the passenger seat as he pushes two fingers inside you. His tongue returns to your clit, and you moan at the feeling of his muscle playing with the sensitive nub, causing you to clench around his two digits.
“So tight.”, he comments as he starts pumping into your velvety walls.
“F-fuck, Kook, r-right there.”, you mewl out, eyes rolling back when he brushes that spot that makes your toes curl. Your hips start to rise to meet his motions.
“That’s it, baby. Use my fingers, make yourself cum.”, he suddenly speaks, voice breathless.
His encouragement makes you increase your speed as you continue fucking his peace sign, gaze roaming up the colourful intricate ink adorning his arm. You glance up to find Jungkook already looking at you and the eye contact is the final push you need, in a few seconds you're cumming with a silent scream, walls holding his fingers tightly.
“That’s it, sweetheart cum for me.”, he coaxes you through it.
He slowly pulls out his fingers when you’re done, eyes shut with chest heaving from the intense climax. A surprised squeal leaves your lips when he starts to lick you clean of your juices, ignoring your pleas of overstimulation. When he’s done, he pulls away with lips and chin glistening with evidence of your fierce orgasm that makes you bite your lip.
“You did great, baby. Fuck, I thought I was gonna cum in my pants.”, he praises.
You giggle at his remark, and the sound brings a smile to his face. Gazing at the bulge in his black pants, you sit up and push him back by his shoulders, making him sit down properly in the seat. As your hands move to his belt, you lick from the front of his throat to his jaw stopping just under his ear,
"Your turn baby.", you declare.
He bites onto his bottom lip when you unbuckle the belt, helping you slide down his jeans and remove them. Hooking your fingers under the hem of his black Calvin Klein boxers, he lifts himself enough to let you pull them off. His length slaps against his stomach, reddened head leaking precum. Your mouth salivating as you wrap your hand around him, and he sucks in a breath.
When your tongue meets the skin of his cock licking a long stripe from the base and making your way upwards to the tip, his mouth falls open.
“Shit—Fuck, Y/N.”, Jungkook doesn’t hide his moan.
You kiss the head humming against it, making your way down to lick his balls, slightly sucking them which makes him whimper. You take him into your mouth looking up, meeting Jungkook’s hooded eyes taking him deeper as you try to relax your throat. Your hands wrap around the rest that you can’t fit, slowly pumping him as you bob your head with hollowed cheeks. As you notice his eyes rolling back and thighs tensing you swipe your thumb across his slit, causing him to moan again even louder.
His hand comes to your hair, holding the back of your head, the other cupping your cheek. He pushes up his hips, thrusting all of his length into your mouth. With each thrust, he goes deeper until he sets a good pace, his cock sliding in and out. He inhales, throwing his head back grunting when you run your tongue over his tip and suck him. His angelic and hot sounds cause you to moan around him, the vibration shooting straight through him. He grunts and starts to thrust faster. Trying to control your gag reflex with tears spilling down your cheeks, his hips stutter as you feel him throbbing inside of your mouth.
“Stop that's enough.”, he pulls you away by your hair, a strand of saliva connecting your lips and his glistening dick. Bringing you in for a kiss, his tongue plunging into your mouth and making you moan into his. His thumbs wipe at your tears before pulling away both breathing heavily, his hand smacks your ass cheek. With his cheeky grin, he urges you:
“Come ride me, princess.”
Scurrying to straddle him, you hover over him and let your legs rest against the side of his muscular thighs while grabbing his length. You smear the wetness between your legs against his cock to lube him up some more before you pump him a bit, watching a lustful glint in his eyes that are now slits.
“Baby”, he moans, hands gripping your waist, nails digging into your skin.
You position him against your entrance before you sink onto him, your eyes rolling back at the pleasure and stretch. He kisses you and lets his mouth stay on yours while he slowly fills you up. When he's all in you sit still for a moment savouring the feeling of him so deep inside of you. Jungkook also in no rush, kisses you slowly. It's sensual and passionate making your head spin and heart swell, feeling wonderful after all the teasing done tonight.
You circle your hips while kissing him and after a few minutes, you start to ride him beginning with a slow pace. He detaches from your lips as he leans his forehead against yours. He sits there, enjoying the way you move your hips.
"You look so fucking stunning like this.", he whispers up at you.
The sound of your thighs meeting paired with both your heavy pants is heard clear in the quiet night. You lean back, hands resting on his knees and you start to pick up the pace, he groans moving his hands to grip your ass, and he spreads your cheeks while his nails dig into your skin again. Jungkook starts to roll his hips into yours as he meets your thrusts, feet planted firmly on the floor sending another wave of pleasure through your body with different intensity.
"Oh my god, don't stop", you call out.
Things ultimately turn rough once he takes over the control as he grabs your hips letting out a grunt when he sets an almost animalistic pace. Looping your hand under his arms and gripping his shoulders, his balls smack against your ass. The sound echoing in the car is loud enough to be heard outside, but neither of you cares to stop.
“Fuck, so tight.”, he groans.
“Kook”, you whimper, mouth pressed against his shoulder with eyes screwed shut, as you feel another orgasm approaching and Jungkook notices. But he doesn’t stop, he keeps one hand on your hip continuing to hit your g-spot while bringing the other between your joint bodies to have his thumb draw circles on your clit. You gently bite onto Jungkook’s shoulder while he keeps fucking you, he grunts with your teeth digging into his skin. Your whole body shakes as pleasure washes you all over again bringing out the loudest moan with your second orgasm of the night.
His hands leave your hips and they wrap around your frame, running up and down your back soothingly. You peck his shoulder where you bit him, burying your face in the crook of his neck as you let out a whimper and he chuckles darkly.
“We're not done yet, on all fours and ass up.”, he commands you with a slap on your ass.
You rise off him, leaving you empty and greedy for him all over again. Obeying him quickly, you get on all fours as he requested. You gasp when he presses your back down, cheek pressed against the seat as he lifts your ass even more, back arched ready for him. He palms your ass, grabbing the flesh into his huge hands while he enters you easily due to your previous climaxes. Once he bottoms out he doesn't move, thinking he's just giving you a moment to compose yourself, but as the seconds tick by he remains in you unmoving and you realize he's teasing again.
"No, baby.", you complain pushing back into him and shaking your hips a little.
Jugkook leans forward, one hand tugging your hair back holding you against his chest as his inked hand wraps around your neck pressing down.
“Are you being a needy slut for me?”, he rasps nibbling at your earlobe.
"Yes.", you shiver and nod while clenching around him.
"Oh, you like that yeah?"
He moves the hand around your neck up to your jaw gripping it and turning your face towards him, tips of your noses touching. His thumb parts your lips.
"Open.", he orders and you comply right away. He gathers spits and lets it drip into your mouth and you swallow it immediately.
"Mmm, good girl. Now tell me what you want?", he hums.
"M-more please.", knowing Jungkook loves when you beg.
"Hmm? More what?", he prods with his dick still deep inside you.
"More o-of you", you reply.
"You already have all of me, baby.", he snickers jerking his hips to mock you more and his tip hits that heavenly place.
"Please, fuck me Kook.", you gasp out with pleasure as tears gather in your eyes.
"Anything for my girl. Anything for you my love.", he vows before letting go of you to fall back onto all fours.
His hands go back to clutching your hips so tight that they’ll probably bruise but you don’t care. He jackhammers you from the beginning, strokes instantly go at a rough steady rhythm. The feeling of his rock-hard dick grazing your tightening walls is like heaven on earth. You chant out his name in a scream as you clench around him again, causing him to grunt in response.
"Holy shit, you're drenching my dick like a desperate whore. Taking me so easily, you're my filthy little bitch aren't you.", he moans.
His words are enough to shoot straight to your core because fuck, if Jungkook’s baritone voice isn’t the hottest thing you’ve ever heard, you don’t know what is. His sweaty forehead drops against your bare shoulder, shallow and quick breaths meeting your skin as he moves his hands up to cup your breasts. The tension in your lower belly builds incessantly. Vision blurring a tear trickles down your cheek and then the coil snaps, the shockwaves of your orgasm have you falling apart once more.
"Oh Jungkook!", you wail.
Jungkook's thrusts get sloppier with each second, clenching around him, it takes a few more pumps before Jungkook completely halts his movements and you feel his cock twitch inside of you. He’s finally cumming with a growl, filling you with his seed and the feeling has you seeing stars. When he’s done, he sighs and moves his hands to your waist hugging you closer to him and giving your neck a peck.
The air in the car smells like a beautiful mix of Jungkook's Dior cologne and sweat. The two of you try to calm down taking a few more seconds of breathing in and out at a rapid pace before your breathing comes back to normal and he slowly lifts his head off you.
When he calms enough to pull out fully, he quickly gets off you and plops on the backseat. You flip yourself on your back, eyes focused on the car roof and legs stretching out over his own. Chest heaves with almost identical heavy breaths that sync with each other. He rubs your legs as he turns to you with exhausted eyes.
"You good?", he asks with a smug smirk with his head resting back against the headrest.
“Fuck yeah, that was amazing.”, you laugh breathlessly and he laughs along with you.
Sitting up and moving to his side he instantly wraps his arm around you and kisses your temple. You return the gesture with a kiss on his chest before resting your head.
“I could fall asleep like this.”, you murmur against his chest, cuddling into him even more.
A soft laugh leaves his mouth, his hand gently slapping your ass.
"No, you can't fall asleep here. Plus this was just round one, baby. Wait till we get home, I promise that you won't be getting any sleep with me."
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5targh0st · 2 days ago
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NUMBER ONE GIRL
09. she's so cool (written)
prev // m.list // next
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As fun as it was, it turns out that writing a song is not as easy as you thought. After a couple of hours of back and forth, Jisung finally came up with something that, in his opinion, was a perfect fit for the bridge. However, you weren’t sure if it was exactly what you meant when you thought about your feelings.
And then something just made sense in your head. “What if we change this phrase right here for something more like this?” You said pointing at your drafts. “I think it’s more fitting in a way.”
“Yeah, we can change it;” said Jisung as understanding and cooperative as ever. So far, he was your favorite person to work with. He knew what he was doing, but didn’t act as an insufferable know-it-all. You liked it. “I think it’s done!”
“Fucking finally!” Cheered Felix who had been watching you guys working since you first came up with the idea of writing something about your ex-lovers. Although to be honest, it was mostly about Sunghoon.
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Between rehearsals and doing your part in the set-up for the festivities, you barely had any time to see your friends and missed them a lot, but you were also kind of happy when you realized that neither had you thought about Sunghoon that much. You win some, you lose some.
At least that’s what you thought before spotting Sunghoon, laughing with his new girlfriend, in the crowd. Part of you prayed that they were there to see the opening ceremony because you didn’t know if you had it in you to just ignore him. As much as he was an asshole, he was also the guy you thought you’d share your life with. And, to make things worse, none of the guys had arrived yet. Your anxiety was through the roof.
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You couldn’t believe you were about to go on stage alone. Hyunjin was there and he was genuinely doing his best to be comforting, but his own nerves were playing against the both of you.
“I can´t do this.” Your voice barely a whisper that, if he weren’t standing so close to you, no one would’ve been able to hear.
“Of course you can!” He said holding your hand firmly in his. “We’ve worked really hard to be here and, even if we don’t win the stupid prize, cause who wants a fucking piano anyway, we’re gonna get on that stage and have a great time.”
“He's here! And he’s with Somi and I know I’ve been trying really hard to move on but he’s just a reminder that I am replaceable, that maybe I’m just not that worth it”
“I’m gonna kick your ass, and then I’m gonna kick his. But right now, I’m gonna drag you to that stage if necessary.” You laughed at the thought that he could never beat someone in a fight. “Do it for you, like some sort of closure or whatever. Show him you can be in front of him and not break down. Take back the power he has over you.”
“You think I can do that?”
“Of course! I’ll be with you; we’re on the same boat anyway.” And then it hit you. He wasn’t just trying to be supportive for your sake, he was also trying to convince himself that he could do the same.
Just as you heard your names being called, you saw the way Hyunjin’s eyes were fixed on the girl next to Sunghoon. You held his hand real tight and walked with him to the center of the stage.
“Hi everyone! We’re YN and Hyunjin and we’re 2/4 of a nameless band!” Some people laughed and your friends, as loyal as ever, cheered for you and smiled at you. Seeing them there convinced you that, as long as you had them, there was nothing in this world you couldn’t do.
So, with that sudden rush of confidence and Hyunjin’s eyes reaching for your soul, you began your performance. The first words feeling familiar yet so foreign spilling from your lips. "I could go and your mind..."
You almost didn't realize how your eyes never left Hyunjin's. As if you were in your own world holding each other and hoping that everything would be okay. Some could say you two had great chemistry, but I was more than that; it was an understanding. You went through the same kind of pain, the same rejection and shame. And, as you reached the bridge you could feel hizo gaze soften as if he were trying to tell you that he was there for you.
You finally mustered the courage to look at Sunghoon. He was already looking at you. Surprisingly, you didn't feel sad nor embarrassed looking at him. You were mad, of course, but the feelings were almost gone. So, when Hyunjin played the last chords of the song, you knew you'd both be okay. You had each other, and he was one of the most real and loyal people you've met.
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notes: my first written chapter!! although I'm not sure if I love the results, I really hope you guys like it
taglist: (45/50)
@estella-novella @poetryforthesad @lisaswifey @angelzforu @ihrtlix
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un1k1tty-m0rn1ngstar · 3 days ago
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i actually fucking DONT want to talk about the new hb episode. i might break down.
for one i HATE STELLA AND HER INCESTUOUS FUCKING BROTHER.
i cried a lot during this episode actually. just blitz being so ready to fight for himself, but when millie, moxxie, and loona were also being threatened to be hurt or killed? he sacraficed himself fully. he didn't want to see some of the only people in his life that he cared about (other than stolas. we are not there yet.) be hurt, so he blamed it all on himself, cause he knew what he did and didn't want anybody else but him to be hurt.
satan's kind of a baddie actually and i think it was funny that he had that little dude (idk what to call him) that calmed him down it made me giggle through everything else
AND THEN STOLAS. JUST GETTING UP AND RISKING NOT JUST HIS TITLE BUT HIS LIFE FOR BLITZ??????????? even after the apology tour, it's fucking CLEAR AS SHIT he still cares for blitz. even after blitz hurt him. he wanted blitz safe, cause he knows deep down that he loves blitz. i was like hOLY SHIT when stolas full on toom the blame
that song was FIRE THOUGH OH MY GOD
stolas knowing he was in the wrong for giving blitz the book, but blitz finally admitting- while maybe not fully out loud- that he needs stolas, how he cant bear to be without him.
and then satan ofc
AND THEN BLITZ TRYING SO HARD TO GET BACK INTO THE 'COURT' BECAUSE HE FUCKING NEEDS STOLAS OMFG
and yet another example of how ready stolas was to give up life for blitz
AND HE GAVE UP HIS TITLE??????????? he didn't end up liking it in the long run, but STILL???????????
i also still hate stellas brother. idk if he has a name or if it's been said and i've just forgotten, but i don't want to fucking learn it bro i hate him
and blitz taking such good care of stolas because he loves him, but also giving him space cause he knows he needs it
AND LOONA HELPING BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HER DAD LOVES THIS FUVCKING GAY ASS BIRD AUGH
and loona CALLING HIM DAD. we've never really seen loona care for blitz like that before this ep :(
and everybody cheering for blitz. he was so happy but like not.
AUGH TOO MANY FUCKING FEELINGS ABOUYT THIS EP
there's probably more but for now, i'm done :3 hope you enjoyed my rant or whatev T^T
(ALSO tadc ep 4 trailer? new layze video? friday was a great day for homosexuals and neurodivergents across the board)
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im-still-a-robot · 2 years ago
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Taking it here instead of the discord, Turnabout Musical is making my brain do flips
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aliendragondreaming · 1 month ago
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okayyy so i kinda dropped the ball on nsrtober or whatever but i can at least say i did 2 prompts
also techincally scooby doo alien invaders isnt my favorite movie but uh
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i dont wanna do my actual favorite for some reason....
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mellotronmkll · 1 month ago
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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lottieurl · 3 months ago
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caterjunes · 1 month ago
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what is it about lesbian media that fills me with the heaviest & most profound sadness in the pit of my stomach, in my throat, under my heart.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#matty watches#i am not even talking about things like carol (which absolutely did leave me with an indescribable aching sensation for days)#or bloom into you which i am watching now (i can't get the opening song out of my head and it feels like it's stealing my breath)#i'm talking about fucking Enchanting Grom Fright from the owl house! which made me so so so sad when i watched it back in aug 2020#and WHY. and for WHAT.#god.#it's like. it's some Gender Feelings for sure. plus ya know. my overall shall we say delicate mental state (:#but for god's sake i can't even watch some yuri without wanting to curl up and weep and subsume into the mossy forest floor#gender blogging#matty's mental health#i watched carol when it came out in 2015 while having the worst time of my life working on ssv oliver hazard perry#and like i said. already was having a horrible horrible time. and left the theatre absolutely emotionally devastated#feeling like i'd been shattered & the pieces just leaned back against each other#and not... really knowing why it was hitting me so hard or why i was feeling so fucking fragile about it#and that. was definitely an Egg Moment. i'd started id'ing as nonbinary like 6 months earlier.#idk. this got away from me#what i'm trying to say is. i'm watching bloom into you and i'm feeling incredibly fragile about it.#but also Why do i feel so incredibly fragile about every single fucking piece of lesbian media i've ever seen#ALSO INB4: I AM ALREADY A GIRL BY NOW AND AM A LESBIAN SO IF ANYONE IS GONNA MAKE AN ~I SUGGEST FORCEFEM~ JOKE PLS DON'T
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wonho-ssi · 8 days ago
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#i needed some minutes to get my thoughts together but this is a more cohesive ... thing of what i feel? idk#i feel like theres just no balance. obvs they debuted at a difficult time and it wouldve been hard to push it back bc of the members etc#its either theyre ignored (quite literally) or they get fucked over. why is there no balance between keeping their essence and also promo#like its SM's fucking fault that they didnt reach their actual potential. and it's their fault on how they handled lu/as' scandal.#if you weren't going to add him back to the group. why did you waste almost two years of their time for no reason? i just dgi. it always#makes me feel sad to see that clip of ten spoiling phantom at a kick back stage. they had their next cb planned like... idek#i feel from omy onwards when they shifted under prism. theyve had a different sound and their focus feels just on the kn audience#which is WILD. they have 127 and dream as it is. and it was a wayv song that got cn banned from being sung on national tv so... ?#sm wants cn money but no effort with their cn group. and this comeback has just pissed me off ngl. i like the songs and the aes but what#is the aim? what audience are we trying to cater to? krn? global? cn? okay. you fucked up in the past but look at what the fans are saying#what they like. phantom was their cb and it broke records. personal and otherwise. why arent we sticking to this? why arent are there no cn#bsides. and ill never forgive them for blaming wayv and kun. i really never will.#and about the sc situation. i think he can do as he pleases and im happy with whatever he picks. but the purposeful sabotaging of wayv & him#shifting the dates so he cant participate. .. SM you'll implode by my hand i promise. and then his fans coming to shit on wayv like they#personally told him not to participate. ridiculousness from both sides.#i don't think its that hard to experiment but also stay with what was liked originally. if theyre a chinese group. give them some cn songs.#to add on. i personally believe they shifted the dates bc lu/as debut was a complete money waste and they desperately needed another avenue.#egg.co
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puppyeared · 11 months ago
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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p4nishers · 1 year ago
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can we actually take a moment and remember swan upon leda? can we actually shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down and think about our lord and savior swan upon leda because i'm tired of doing it alone every single day guys
#the title itself!!! THE FUCKING TITLE#swan UPON leda#god he's an actual genius THANK U HOZIER SO FUCKING MUCH#i hate how that myth is portrayed and received and objectified bc they make it out to be such a funny little chuckle story like 'hahaha led#is SO easy that she fell for a swan isn't that actually the funniest thing you've ever heard omg like women are literally so easy to please#whatever whatever blahblahblah yes that's fucking hilarious matthew thank u SO much for that absolutely fascinating commentary on a women#getting raped by a god really truly an amazing insight into ur pea fucking brain#like fuck sorry but i just absolutely despises how this myth is made out to be and i remember learning abt it in class and being literally#nauseated bc guess fucking what it's literally not hard to understand wtf is happening and while u r laughing away about i repeat a WOMEN#getting RAPED some fucking of us have brain enough to be mortified#jesus ANYWAY#hozier dropped that song after roe v wade was over turned and i just i love him so fucking much he cares SO MUCH and before anything else#he's an activist and he actually gives a shit about women's rights and he dropped this song as a comfort as something to hold onto but also#as a social commentary and he linked charities and resources to help women and keep them safe and this song just means everything to me#bc greek mythology often gets reduced to children stories bc most ppl know myths from children books and obviously a book for kids not gonn#outloud say the word rape or even imply that that's what's happening and that's fine ig but bc so many ppl know it from there it gets#reduces to a joke and a raped women gets ridiculed but hozier actually took one of the few poems about leda being raped and it being a rape#at all and made it into a song during a time that was so traumatizing for ever afab person in the world basically and it just says 'i see#you i see what you're going through and i'm listening and i actually care and i want to help you' and he's helping by writing a song yes bc#he's spreading the word that way bc that's how movements are spread and people listen to him when he's singing and that's how he helps and#i did i mention that i love him? bc i'd actually do anything for him and to meet him and tell him how much he fucking means to me#the line that always gets me is 'a crying CHILD pushes a CHILD into the night' bc yes she was a fucking child who had to deliver 4 KIDS BC#AN ASSHOLE DECIDED SHE WAS PRETTY ENOUGH TO FUCK and nobody ever cares that she was just a child and her child helen was just a child when#she was abducted and raped and impregnated (JUST LIKE HER MOTHER) by theseus a supposed great hero and im genuinely sick she was just a#child like so many women or girls in greek mythology and ik it was a different time back then or wtv but they were just GIRLS and nobody#cared about that or cares now. but this song does.#bc of course it does it's hozier.#hozier#swan upon leda
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strohller27 · 19 hours ago
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#oof I already signed the new lease agreement#which is good because it means I can finally apply for a rent subsidy#but oooof the buyers regret is hitting me hard you guys#am I going to regret moving away from this amazing location that I unfortunately can’t afford anymore? YOU BET YOUR ASS#will I be better off financially in the new place? AGAIN. YOU BET YOUR ASS#am I upset with my current landlady for calling me selfish and saying I can’t move out unless I pay for two months in advance#so that she can have her mortgage paid for while she looks for a new tenant that fits her extremely picky standards?#ALSO YOU BET YOUR ASS.#Am I going to have to eat whatever’s available at the food pantry for two months so I can afford paying rent to her AND to my new landlords#AGAIN. YOU BET YOUR ASS.#N I HATE THIS ENTIRE SITUATION AND THERE’S SO MUCH GIVE AND TAKE AND I WANT TO JUST BUY AN RV SO THAT IT’S AT LEAST SOMETHING I OWN MYSELF#why have we allowed things to get this bad. why do most of the people in my immediate circle seem to be stuck right in the middle#of the ‘find out’ part of someone else’s ‘fuck around’ era?#why couldn’t I have been good enough at some random skill to monetise it#Not athletic enough to be a prof. sportsman not talented enough to be a prof. singer actor artist dancer or musician#I was doomed to be mediocre and draw mediocre art and sing mediocre songs and play mediocre sports#and get a degree in a mediocre field so I couldn’t even find a mediocre job#fuuck#ugh my chest is hurty sned hlep
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forcebookish · 1 year ago
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top deepening his voice when talking to mew's moms... gun speaking higher when talking to cher's mom... i love these choices
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