#am I going to regret moving away from this amazing location that I unfortunately can’t afford anymore? YOU BET YOUR ASS

[strohller27]

.

[multiplefandomfics]

Princess of Asgard

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: dead parents, forced marriage, smut, breeding kink, kinda AU, pregnancy

Words: 3968

“None of you will be able to lift my hammer.” Thor said, smugly.

“Oh, we will see.” Tony challenged him.

One by one the gathered Avengers tried to lift Mjolnir but of course to no avail.

“Come on Y/N. Now you have to try too.” they tried to convince you.

“No, thanks. Why should I be able to if you can’t? I’d rather not get disappointed.” you sipped on your drink.

“Oh, boohoo. What a party pooper.” Nat yelled at you.

“Okay fine.” you got up from your seat on the couch, swaying a little as you went. Taking off your sweater you gripped the handle with both hands and pulled. You didn’t expect it to move but somehow it did.

Astonished, you stood in front of your friends wielding Thor’s hammer. Everyone’s jaws dropped to the ground.

“That is impossible.” Thor mumbled.

Creeped out by all of this and hoping, if you put it down nothing had ever happened, you let the weapon fall back onto the glass table, which made the fragile material burst.

“Oh, shit! I’m sorry.” you jumped backwards in surprised shock.

And then the questions came rushing out of everyone.

“How is that possible?” “Why you?” “Is it heavy?” “Do you feel different?” yadda yadda yadda.

Completely overwhelmed by all of that you just turned around and ran to your room. Hoping they would leave you alone and drop the topic.

“You fell forward onto your bed and buried your face in the cushions. You needed time to think. The questions the others had asked you were on your mind as well and you tried your best to answer them but that seemed pointless.

Sometime later you heard a knock on your door but you didn’t want to see anyone so you stayed silent, hoping they would go away.

“Y/N. I know you are in there. Please open. I need to have a talk with you.” So it was Thor. You still didn’t wanna see him.

“Friday, please open Y/N door. That would be very kind of you.” you heard your door lock click and rolled your eyes. Well, when he decided to be so rude you decided not to turn around.

You wriggled further into your sheets and didn’t notice your shirt had ridden up on your back. When Thor stepped closer he did notice.

“Y/N, what is this?” he asked but you couldn’t see because he was behind you so you turned to face him. “What is what?” you asked back, confused.

“The birthmark on your back.”

“Oh, that. Well, it’s a birthmark. Nothing more nothing less. Why are you behaving so strangely?” Now he scared you a bit.

“What is it Thor? Tell me.” you demanded.

Instead of talking he started to take off his dress shirt.

“Ehm, Thor what are you doing?” you wanted to know hesitantly.

When it was off you shortly admired his devine physique before he turned his back to you and you gasped. On his back right in the middle over his butt was the same birthmark you had located.

“How is that possible?” you gasped.

“I don’t know but I have a feeling who does. You have to come with me to Asgard. You need to meet my mother.” he stated.

“Ehm, okay. Can I put on some other clothes before though?”

“Of course. I will wait outside.”

You put on some jeans and a sweater because you didn’t know what weather to expect. You laced your shoes and grabbed your purse before heading out onto the hallway.

Waiting there for you were Thor and Loki, to your surprise.

“Eh, hi. Are you coming with us?”

“Of course. I want to know what this is all about.” Loki answered.

You had never used the bifrost before so you were excited and scared at once.

Thor raised Mjolnir and the bifrost opened, swallowing you all, while you clung to the blonde's side.

You arrived by falling out of some kind of portal. Heimdall was already waiting.

“The King and Queen are awaiting your presence in the throne room.” he said monotonously in that booming voice of his.

“Hold on tight.” Thor ordered you and you did just that before he flew you both to the castle. Leaving Loki behind to get there by foot.

“Mother! Father!” Thor greeted his parents when walking into the impressive throne room. You cowered behind him.

“I need you to meet someone and maybe you can shine light on the situation.” he continued.

“Son, it is good to have you back in Asgard. You have spent way too much time on Midgard recently. I missed you dearly. And where is your brother Loki?” Frigga asked.

“I’m here, mother. I cannot fly as you probably remember.” he remarked from the doorway.

“There you are. Very good. So what is this all about?”

“Well, this is Y/N. She is a friend from Midgard.” he explained then he turned to you. “Y/N, would you show our mother your birthmark?”

“Yes, okay.” you turned around and pulled your sweater up. A gasp went through the big hall and then silence followed. It was deafening.

You felt very exposed so you pulled the shirt back down and turned around again to face the King and Queen of Asgard.

No one was speaking. Everyone seemed lost in thought. But you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay, can someone please tell me what the bloody hell is going on here?” you screamed, regretting it almost instantly because you remembered who you were standing in front of.

“I’m sorry, just this silence is killing me. Why does Thor have the same mark as me? What does all of this mean?” you apologized.

Frigga got up from her throne and cae down to you. “Oh, my child. I will explain everything to you. Let’s take a walk through the gardens shall we?” how could you have said no to that proposal?

Outside she took your arm and hooked it into hers. You felt instantly comfortable with her.

“So this is a long story but you deserve to hear it.” she began. “Thor is not an only child. You know that Loki was adopted?” you nodded. “Good. Well Thor was actually a twin. And you are his sister.” That was a shock. Like how the hell..? You gawked at her.

“his sister was taken from Asgard when she was only 3 weeks old. We searched for her. Odin set heaven and earth in motion but we couldn't find her.. well you. But we never forgot you.'' She pulled an amulet out of her dress and opened it. Inside was a painting of a little baby. “That’s me?” you asked.

“Yes. I have never taken it off. Not in over 1000 years.” she had tears in her eyes.

“Wait, but how come I have been alive for that long but cannot remember it? I was adopted when I was approximately 6 weeks old and lived with that family until they died in a car crash 6 years ago.” you explained.

“You memories must have been altered by someone very powerful. Unfortunately I have no idea who could have done that and we will probably never know.” for her the situation was finished so you let it rest for now.

“So to sum this up: I am the long lost princess of Asgard? Thor’s twin sister? I have actually lived for over 1000 years? That’s what you want to tell me?”

“That is exactly true. But we will have time to answer all your questions later. Let’s get back inside and plan a feast in your honor.” she suggested, cheerfully.

“A feast? Like a party?” your eyes lit up. “Can I invite my friends from earth? I’m sure they would love to see Asgard.”

“Of course my dear. Anything for you.”

3 days later the festivities were planned, everything was decorated, guests were slowly arriving and the food was smelling delicious.

You were absolutely ready to meet everyone. Clad in finest Asgardian clothes and makeup done to perfection.

“You look marvelous my dear sister.” Thor complimented when you walked down the hallway.

“Thank you, brother. Man, it’s still crazy to say that out loud.” you smiled and took the arm he offered. You two entered the great hall together. All eyes were on you. The long lost princess of Asgard. Everyone wanted to take a look at you.

“They are all staring at me.” you whispered to Thor. “Of course they are. It’s pure admiration. They will love you no matter what.” he whispered back.

You breathed in deeply and smiled in the crowd.

Still nervous as hell you suddenly spotted Steve and Bucky at the bar.

“I’ll be back.” you murmured to Thor over the noise of the music and loosened your arm from his.

“Hey, guys. Thank you for coming. You look very nice.” you smiled at them.

“Thank you for inviting us, doll. It is overwhelming to finally see Asgard first hand. And you look amazing.” Bucky complimented you and kissed you on the cheek.

“I can only agree with Buck. The dress suits you very well. Would you like to dance?” Steve added.

“I would love to dance.” you took the invitation.

He led you to the dance floor, put his left hand on your hip and his right in your left. Your right hand found his shoulder. The music started anew and he began twirling you around. If you admired something, especially in Steve Rogers, was it his talent on the dance floor. You felt like you were floating. He had observed the Asgardians for a while and was now confident enough to follow the steps of their dances.

“You know Bucky likes you? Like really likes you?” he came directly to the point.

“Ehm, I don’t know. Does he? I mean he’s been flirty with me, sure. But other than that.. he never asked me out or anything.” you responded.

“Would you want to go out with him?”

“Yes. Of course. He’s great and I could really imagine something with him. But why are you talking with me about this?”

“Well, I think he is too scared of rejection to ask you out so you might have to ask him,” he clarified.

“Okay. Thanks for telling me, Steve. You’re a really good friend.” you smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. When the song ended you bowed in front of Steve just like you had seen the other women do.

You decided to immediately go through with your plan and strolled over to Bucky.

But before you could reach him Frigga called for you.

“Sweetheart? Could you come over here for a second? I would like to introduce you to someone.” You sighed and walked over to her.

“Ah there you are my dear. Y/N this is my sister.”

“It’s an honor to meet you.” you responded as politely as you could.

“The pleasure is mine.” she bowed “I’m very sure you would like to be somewhere else right now.” she winked at you and you smiled shyly.

“Let the girl mingle Frigga. She is so new to all of this.” She talked to her sister.

“Oh sure. Off you go my dear Y/N. I will see you later.”

“Thank you, mother.” you nodded in thanks and turned back to go to Bucky.

Just when you were about to reach him Odin called everyone's attention.

“Good evening, everyone. We have gathered here tonight to officially welcome my daughter into her rightful home. Y/N come up here.” he demanded and of course you complied.

“She has finally come home so raise your glasses to the rightful princess of Asgard.”

Everyone toasted to you which made you blush profusely. You hated the attention. So many eyes on you. Hoping it would be quickly over you raised a glass which a nearby waiter had handed you.

The crowd seemed to expect a speech from you so you reluctantly opened your mouth to speak.

“Yes. Thank you father and I thank all of you for coming. The last few days have overwhelmed me greatly. A week ago I was an orphan on earth and now I am an Asgardian princess. I am so grateful for everyone who has supported me through every up and down in my life. And now I hope that you all have a wonderful night. Eat, drink and dance. Have fun. Cheers!” you raised your glass again and the people did the same. Then, fortunately for you, the attention shifted back to what they had been doing before.

You left the stage and pushed through the crowd in the direction you had last seen the brunette super soldier.

But he was not where you expected him to be.

“Na, have you seen Bucky?” you asked the redhead.

“I think he went outside for a walk, said it was getting too crowded in here.” she answered and kept dancing with whomever she could find.

The thanks you ushered her went unnoticed and you hushed past her.

The garden behind the palace was huge and like a labyrinth. You hiked up your dress and ran through the flower beets and bushes until you spotted him, sitting on the bench which had also become your favorite.

“There you are hiding.” startled he almost fell off the bench. “Oh my,” he grabbed his heart to mock a heart attack.

“I thought you had super soldier hearing.” you mocked him.

“Well, yes. But not when I am in thought.”

“What were you so lost in that you didn’t hear me from a mile away?”

“Ehm, I was thinking about you, actually.” he blushed. You had never seen Bucky Barnes blush before.

“Really. Only good things I hope.” you winked at him. “Can I sit?”

he motioned for you to take your place next to him.

“Bucky? I have thought a lot about you recently, too. Do you wanna go on a date with me when we are back on earth?” it just bubbled out of you.

“You are coming back to earth? I thought you were gonna stay here? This being your new home and all.” he looked down to his feet.

“Oh hell no. I mean it’s nice here and all and I would love to visit once in a while but earth and New York is my home. I will never feel fully settled here in Asgard. Plus you are in New York and that is all the home I need.” you leaned over and snuggled into his side. He put his left arm around you and you had never felt so safe before.

“Then back to your question: of course I am taking you on a date back on earth or any other planet you wanna go from here. I will follow you to the ends of the universe.” you felt extremely loved in that moment.

So you leaned up and kissed him on his full lips.

6 months later and you had found a rhythm together as the perfect couple. You were still as much in love as you had been the day back on Asgard.

But that was about to change.

“Y/N. Mother wishes to talk to you. Now.” Thor emphasized.

“Now? I am busy. If she wants something from me she can come down here.” you talked back.

“Oh, trust me sister, you don’t want that. You better do as she wants or there will be consequences.” he looked actually scared.

“Fine! Let's go!” you groaned.

“Mother. What is so important that you needed to see me so urgently?” you asked while strolling into the throne room.

“My dear Y/N. Come closer and sit.” she ordered.

You sat on a chair in front of her and she immediately got to the point.

“Your father and I have found a suitable husband for you. This union will bless Asgard with a strong ally.” She looked pleased with herself.

“Excuse me? What? A husband? I am old enough to find one for myself and I am sure I already have.” you retorted.

“There is no discussion princess. This is not a question of whether you want this or not. It is already settled. Your father is in Vanaheim right now securing the deal. Next summer you will marry the eldest prince.”

“UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AM I MARRYING SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW OR DON’T CARE ABOUT!!!!! FORGET IT!!! BASTA! I’m leaving now before I do something I will regret.” you yelled at her and stormed off. Through the bifrost and back home.

When you stormed through your and Bucky’s shared apartment doors he knew that something was up.

“Y/N, doll, what’s wrong?” he asked and put a hand reassuringly on your shoulder.

“They want to marry me off to some prince!! Like I am some piece of meat!! Who do they think they are??” you were still so angry.

“They what?? They can’t do that. Did you tell him you had a boyfriend on earth?”

“Duh, of course I did. They don’t care! I feel like I am living in the middle ages right now!”

“This is fucked up! And if we get married right now?”

“Was that a proposal, Sergeant Barnes?”

“Ehm, maybe? Depends on your answer.”

“Of course I would marry you right on the spot but I think that an earth marriage doesn’t count in Asgard.” you said disappointed.

After some minutes in silence he broke it by asking “Then I only see one way out of this. What is a thing that a man can rarely accept when marrying a woman?”

“I don’t know. Do enlighten me.”

“Well, when she is pregnant by someone else.”

Your jaw dropped to the ground. But then you thought it over and you had wanted a family with Bucky anyways so why not now?

“That sounds actually reasonable. You wanna start trying right now?” you winked at him seductively and started opening the buttons on his shirt.

“Who am I to say no to that?” he lunged over and kissed you desperately.

It didn’t take long for you to be rolling naked on the bed. Never breaking the kiss he groped for your breasts because he knew how much that got you running. One hand warm, one cold. The contrast was exhilarating when they wandered down your naked body, over your hips and to your pussy. Spreading your lower lips. “Fuck I know how you I get you wet, don’t I?” he asked rhetorically. You just moaned and spread your legs wider for him.

“Good girl. I would love to eat you out until you can’t take it anymore.” you shuddered at his confession because you knew how good he was with his tongue. “But we have a goal here and I want to keep you as full as possible for as long as possible. You want that, baby? Me keeping you full of cum for days?” his dirty talk turned you on to no end.

“Hmm, fuck yes.” he took that as a go and plunged his dick inside your tight channel.

His movements were slow but precise. He knew how to hit your special spots and make you see stars.

Higher and higher you flew, throwing your head back in pleasure and moaning his name. “Fuck Bucky, harder!” you begged him and he complied. His hip bones left marks on yours and the bed creaked dangerously.

A few thrusts later and you were coming hard, spasming around his throbbing length. “Fuck baby squeezing me so tight. Gonna come!” he groaned, pushed really deep and let go. You shuddered when you felt his release coat your walls for the first time. You had only done it with a condom before so this was new but not bad at all.

“Shit. I thought our sex had been good before but now… wow amazing. I won’t let you out of this bed until you are pregnant. That is for sure.” he laughed.

Well 2 months later and you had succeeded. You were pregnant. No one knew yet but you were about to tell Thor so he could tell your parents.

“Thor, wait up. Could you bring Mother and Father a message from me?”

“Why don’t you come with me and tell them yourself?” he asked.

“Because I don’t know what travelling through the bifrost will do to my baby.” you let out.

“Your baby?” his eyes went wide. “You are pregnant?” he smiled. “I’m gonna be an uncle?” he hugged you tightly and then he realized what that meant. “Oh, Mother and Father won’t be pleased to hear that. You won’t be able to marry the prince now.”

“That was the intention behind it.” you smirked.

“Oh, makes sense. I understand. And although I really don’t want to be the one to bring the news I will because I love you, sister. I’ll be on my way then.”

“Thank you Thor. I love you too.” You stepped back and he summoned the bifrost.

For 4 days you didn’t hear anything from them. Nor did you see Thor. You were seriously scared that they had murdered the messenger.

Then something incredible happened. Your Mother suddenly stood in front of you.

“Hello, my dear.” She greeted you.

“Hello, Mother. You have come down to earth.

“Of course. I want to meet that man of yours. If he is important enough for you to neglect your duties as princess of Asgard, he must be otherworldly.”

“Ehm, okay. Sure. He is the love of my life and I wouldn’t exchange him for the world. Follow me. I will try to find him.” you walked into the compound.

“Friday. Where is Bucky right now?” you asked the AI.

“He is in the garden by the trees.” she informed you.

“Thank you, Friday.”

“What was that? Is that magic?” Frigga asked.

You laughed “No, not magic. Just technology.” You walked out into the garden and toward the treeline.

“Bucky? My mother is here to meet you.” you yelled. It sounded like happy information but it was more of a warning. If he wasn’t ready he could vanish or hide.

But he came around a tree. “Hello love. Oh, your majesty. Nice to meet you.” he bowed down.

“Oh no need for that formality. I am just here to see who stole my daughter's heart. And I can already see why you hold hers.``Then she turned to you “He’s a handsome one, isn’t he? I like him. He suits you.”

She addressed both of you again: “I honestly hope you two will be happy together for the rest of your lifes. Your father and I have talked and we give you our blessing. It was rude of us to assume that we were allowed to intervene in the life of a daughter we have not raised in our beliefs and spirit. We love you too much to lose you again so soon after a stupid argument. We will find a way to come to terms with Vanaheim differently.” she opened her arms and you hugged her closely.

“Thank you mother. You don’t know how much that means to me… to us.” you almost cried in relief.

“But we do have one condition.” your stomach dropped in fear.

“When the little prince or princess is born you come and visit us regularly.”

A weight was lifted off your shoulders and you agreed to her terms.

You were so relieved that everything went this way and you didn’t have to force your way out of this. In the end everything went the way you had hoped it would.

[supergirl-fanfiction]

I Moved On

Lucy Lane x Reader

Part 2 to Betrayed In The Worst Way

It has been a little over a year since Alex had cheated on you with Maggie. You eventually were able to move past that with the help of Lucy Lane, your amazing girlfriend of 2 months. Unfortunately you and Lucy both have to go help J'onn at his DEO location and neither one of you were looking forward to running into Alex.

(Y/N)- Your Name

(E/C)- Eye Color

Warnings- Arguing, Language, Semi-Violence

A/N- Sorry this took so long. I was hoping to have it out sooner but I got a new job working 12hrs a day and im still trying to adjust to my new schedule. Hope you enjoy this though.

After you had gotten the news that you and Lucy would be be temporarily transferred over to J'onn's DEO you immediately went to the training room. You wrapped your hands and then began to take all of your anger, hate, and frustration out on the punching bag. You didn't want to go back there. Actually you would be happy to never set foot back in that place for the rest of your life. You felt your jaw clench and you began to put more power behind your punches. Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't they send someone else, anyone else? You had no idea how long you had been in there punching, (really more like beating), the punching bag but you had managed to work up a decent sweat. You could feel your arms and hands begin to protest a little more with every hit but you couldn't stop. You hadn't even noticed Lucy walk in. She looked over at you and frowned. She could tell that you had been at this for awhile. She let out a soft sigh before she walked up to you and hugged you from behind, laying her head on your shoulder. You felt her press a soft kiss against your shoulder.

"How about you take a break baby." She told you. You nodded your head slightly as you turned around and wrapped your arms around her neck. She tightened her hold on you and leaned her forehead against yours. 

"I don't want to go. I don't want to see them again." You whispered out as you buried your face into her neck.

 "I know love, I know. If it was up to me you never would." She pressed a kiss to the top of your head. She knew how much you had been hurt by those who shall not be named and it was killing her to see you like this. She felt her heart crack a little bit as she felt tears against the side of her neck.

 "Hey, (Y/N), it's ok please don't cry baby." Lucy pulled back a little bit and began to wipe away your tears. 

"I will be with you as much as I can ok? I'll also make sure that Winn and Kara keep an eye on you for me when I can't be there alright. I will do everything possible to keep you away from her. Just please don't cry love." She hated seeing you like this. You had gotten so much better since transferring and she knew this was going to make you take a couple of steps back in your progress. She felt her jaw clench and she swore to herself right then that if Alex or Maggie so much as looked at you the wrong way she would make them regret it. You sniffled softly and looked up at her.

"Thank you Lucy. At least I'll have my protector there with me." You said as you began to stop crying. She let out a short laugh and smiled at you.

"Of course (Y/N). I may not always be there to protect you but you know I will always try my hardest." You gave her a soft smile and leaned in pressing a soft sweet kiss against her lips. That's one of the things that you loved about Lucy. She never made a promise to you if she knew it was impossible to keep.

"Now how about we head out for the rest of the day because tomorrow we have to report to J'onn." Your smile slipped off your face but you agreed.

"Can we just cuddle and watch something funny?" You asked her with a pout on your lips. Her eyes softened slightly as her green orbs met your (E/C) orbs.

"Anything for love." She whispered as she pressed a kiss to your cheek. Shortly after that the both of you left and you ended up at her apartment. That night she held you as tightly as she could knowing that tomorrow would be an emotionally exhausting day for you.

 ~~~~~~Time Skip to Arriving at the DEO~~~~~~

You and Lucy had just gotten to the DEO. She placed her hand in yours and gave a gentle squeeze just trying to remind you that she was right there with you. You looked over at her and gave her a small smile. You took a deep breath in before you entered. You and Lucy walked to the control room together ignoring all the looks the both of you were receiving. Once you stepped into the control room though you heard Winn.

"(Y/N)!" He ran over to you and collided into you giving you a hug. You laughed slightly and hugged him back.

"Hey Winn." He pulled back from you and smiled at you. Seeing him now you began to realize how much you had truly missed all of your friends. You had had to stay away from them though because where they were Alex was sure to follow.

"Hey Winn that's all I get? Wow and I thought our friendship was something special." Winn said as he placed his hand over his heart. You laughed at the ridiculousness that was Winn. You really had missed his goofiness. You pulled him into another hug and he hugged you back as tightly as he could.

"Hey where's my hug?" You pulled away from Winn and turned to smile at Kara. You opened your arms and before you could even say anything you had an armful of Kara. You smiled and hugged her as tightly as you were able to.

"Hey Kara." You murmured. She pulled back but placed her hands on your shoulders as she looked you over. She had been the most worried about you when everything had gone down between you and Alex. You had been her friend long before you and Alex had begun dating. It actually caused some strain in their relationship because Kara couldn't believe that Alex would hurt you like that after everything. Their relationship was actually still strained. Kara just couldn't seem to find it in her to completely forgive Alex for not only hurting you but being the reason that you had left.

 "Happy looks good on you." She told you. She then looked over to Lucy and narrowed her eyes.

"You hurt them and I will throw you into the sun." You looked over at Lucy and laughed at the expression on her face. Her eyes were wide and she was holding her hands up. Lucy just honestly hadn't expected sweet little puppy Danvers to threaten her. She should have expected it though. She knew that you and Kara had been friends for a long time and that Kara considered you family. You pulled away from Kara completely and walked back over to Lucys side. She looked over at you and her eyes softened slightly and she gave you a small smile. Yea Kara didn't need to worry about Lucy hurting you. You heard someone clear their throat and turned to look at J'onn. You gave him a small smile and he returned it. He had been like a father to you before you had left and you had missed him greatly.

"It is good to see you again (Y/N). I hope that everything at the desert facility is going good and I am grateful that both you and Lucy are willing to help us out here." You nodded your head at him.

"You know I am always willing to help out family Director." That caused his smile to grow. He had been slightly worried that after everything that you would no longer consider them family. He was happy to finally know that was not the case though. You ended up catching up with everyone. Kara had told you all about Lena Luthor and her struggle with telling her secret or not you decided that you would have to help her with that because you knew that everyone else would tell her not to tell the younger Luthor. After catching up you had to leave to go help out the science division so you left to head to the lab. On the way there you began to try and think of ways to get Kara to confess not only her Supergirl secret but also her feelings that were so obvious. You hadn't been paying attention to your surroundings and you ended up running into someone.

"Sorry about that. I wasn't paying....." You trailed off as you looked up and realize you had run into Alex Danvers. Of course you would. You felt your jaw clench and your hands ball into fists. Alex hadn't moved or said anything at all. She was too in shock at finally seeing you again. She wasn't sure what to say or do. You on the other hand so badly wanted to just punch her and knock her on her ass. You restrained yourself though. You went to move past her and when she saw you were leaving she panicked and reached out grabbing your arm. You yanked your arm out of her grip and glared at her.

"Don't fucking touch me. Ever." You spat out venomously at her. She flinched back not expecting your response.

"(Y/N), please."

"Please what Alexandra." You watched as tears filled her eyes. You never called her full name ever and to hear you call her that caused little cracks to appear in her heart. You couldn't careless though. She was the one who had cheated and shattered your heart before crushing the little pieces into dust. 

"Just let me explain please. I know I was in the wrong but we were so good together. Surely one mistake wasn't worth throwing away us. Remember all the nights we spent together talking about the future? How we would talk about our future kids and where we would live after we retire from here." You shoved her against the wall and grabbed her by her shirt.

 "Just fucking stop! You cheated on me with my BEST FRIEND of all people and you what? You expect me to just fucking forgive you! FUCK NO! YOU CAN ROT IN FUCKING HELL ALEXANDRA DANVERS!" You went to pull her back and slam her against the wall when you felt yourself being pulled away from her forcing you to let her go. You struggled against the person holding you trying to get back to Alex. You wanted to hurt her. She had no right to try and pull that bullshit.

"Hey (Y/N) baby I need you to calm down ok?" You slowly began to stop struggling as you recognized Lucys voice. You turned around into her arms and held onto her tightly as you burrowed your face into her neck. You could fell the anger begin to fade and the pain begin to take its place. Even after all this time what Alex had done still hurt. You began to sob and Lucy held onto you tighter while glaring at Alex. Lucy handed you over to Kara before walking over to Alex.

"You stay the hell away from (Y/N) because I promise you next time I see you anywhere near them I am putting a bullet between your eyes." Lucy wanted to say or do more to Alex but she knew you needed her more right now. So she gathered you from Kara and went to talk to J'onn. He agreed to let the both of you leave for now. She immediately took you back home and cuddled with you while you cried until you fell asleep. She ran her fingers through your hair and pressed a small kiss to your forehead.

"I got you and I won't ever let anyone hurt you again." She whispered before she closed her eyes and joined you in sleep.

[batskulldrag]

Phoenix by Fallout Boy

By now you all probably get the song titles as chapter titles gimmick. Trigger warning, because they will be discussing abuse probably throughout the story

Chapter Eleven: The Fire and The Flood by VanceJoy

Virgil was browsing Tumblr when he heard the phone ring. He lurked out to the head of the stairs and heard someone pick it up.

               “Hi Thomas.” Patton answered.

               Virgil tensed up, he hadn’t heard from CPS since May, what had they dug up this time? Was Thomas going to bring up another hospital visit? Was Payton out of prison, it had been about a month. What if he escaped?

               “Oh,” Patton said into the receiver, sounding disappointed. “That’s good, how is she?”

               “Oh.” Patton said sadly. “I guess I figured.”

               “Does… I know I probably sound horrible, but does this change anything for us?”

               “Ok. I guess there is some good news then. Thanks for keeping us in the loop. Ok, bye.”

               “Roman,” Patton said blankly. “If you wanna start the nicknames back up you can.”

               “They found the dragon?” Roman asked in shock. “Because that reptile can have our emo baby over my moldering corpse.”

               Virgil leaned closer to the conversation. Did his mother want him? Could she actually and after all this time want him back? He felt dizzy. On one hand he didn’t want to hurt his uncles, they had all been amazing to him. But he couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea that his mom could actually love him. What a novel idea. She might love him.

               “You don’t need to fight anyone.” Patton sighed with the weight of the world. “She waved parental rights.”

               Virgil slid to the floor, cursing himself for having the gall to let his hopes build like that. Of course she didn’t want him back. She didn’t want him then. He bit down on the front of his hoodie to keep from crying.

               I should have known! I figured all along! I should have known better than this! Of course she doesn’t want me! Did I really think that she was going to come in after thirteen years and decide she wants me!?! What kind of an idiot would even entertain that stupid idea?!  

               “Does this alter our plans to adopt him?” Logan interrupted the chaos.

               “No.” Patton sighed.

               “Well then, why are you upset?”

               “She doesn’t want him!” Patton said exasperated. “What kind of person says that?”

               “Patton, she knew full well what Payton was capable of and she left a baby with him. Not exactly an example of maternal instinct.”

               “But what are we going to tell Virgil?”

               “Let’s tell him she died.” Roman interrupted. “Car accident, quick and completely unexpected.”

               “We’re not going to lie to him.” Logan replied. “What his mother decided does not determine his value. And it doesn’t change the fact that we’re going to adopt him.”

               “How do we tell him though? How do you tell a kid that their mom would do something that heartless?” Patton whimpered.

               Virgil stood up quietly and slunk back into his room. Knowing that Patton would be looking for him in a second, he turned his computer back on and tried to look like he hadn’t moved in the past hour. Sure enough, Patton knocked on his door.

               “It’s open.” Virgil called casually.

               “Thomas, you know your case worker, called.” Patton began.

               “Did he find more hospital records?” Virgil tried to keep his voice even. “What is he doing checking all of them?”

               “They, uh…”

               “They were able to find your mother.” Logan said calmly. Which is odd, because he basically just teleported into the room.

               “Where did you come from?” Patton yelped in shock.

               “How do you not make any noise when you walk?” Virgil stared at him, utterly confused.

               “I just don’t.” Logan dismissed his amazing stealth powers. “Any way, social services located your mother. She’s living in Italy now.”

               “Good for her.” Virgil looked back at his computer.

               “They got in touch with her and unfortunately…”

               “The good news is you don’t have to learn Italian.” Patton interrupted with the fakest upbeat attitude known to man.

               “Virgil, she waved her parental rights.” Logan sighed. “I’m sorry, but there’s no easy way to say that.”

               “Well.” Virgil heard his voice break a bit. He swallowed hard and continued passively. “I always kind of figured she would. It’s not news to me.”

               Neither of them. Neither of them wants me. How can neither of them want me? How can they both just see me as a mistake? Why did they let it go this far?

               Patton ran a hand through his hair. Virgil leaned into his hand in response. Patton radiated a soothing heat. Not like being trapped in a fire hot, but like a fluffy blanket that just came out of the dryer. Cozy, that was the word. Patton was cozy.

               “You sure you’re ok?” Patton kept petting him.

               “Yeah,” Virgil fought back tears. “This just confirms what I already thought.”

               “Virgil, I want you to know that this doesn’t determine your value.” Logan put a hand on his shoulder. “This isn’t your fault. And Patton and I are still planning to adopt you, that hasn’t changed.”

               “Why?” Virgil felt his resolve start to crack.

               “Because you’re family.” Patton hugged him. “And we want you to be safe.”

               “I mean why doesn’t she…”

               No, don’t you do this! Don’t! don’t cry, don’t cry. Don’t cry!

               “Why doesn’t she love me?” Virgil sobbed, his resolve shattering around him.

               Patton held him while he cried. That’s what Patton does. Logan sat with them, probably extremely uncomfortable with the entire situation. But there none the less.

               Virgil hadn’t really used the word love in a long time. Especially not in reference to his parents. And he definitely hadn’t asked why neither of them loved him in a long time. Hell, he had tried to convince himself that he didn’t care if they loved him or not.

               And then here was Patton and Logan. They thought they loved him, but he wasn’t sure they did. He wasn’t sure they could. He had constantly heard things about how parents are just automatically loving. Apparently, fathers keep you safe and mothers nurture you. And they both love you and want what’s best for you.

               That didn’t fit. Virgil had never met his mother. In fact, she left the continent just to be away from him. And she probably had a new family now, one that she supposedly nurtured, one that he sure as taxes wasn’t a part of. And then there was his dad. Protecting? No. A thousand times no.

               This left him wondering why Patton and Logan thought they loved him. He was a complete stranger to them, and it was starting to look like he was a burden as well. How could they love him? Logan emphasized with him because they had… that in common and Patton probably liked him because he was his nephew. But love? If his own parents didn’t love him, how could these two?

               “It’s ok. It’s not your fault.” Patton continued to pet him.

               “He’s right. This doesn’t reflect on you. It reflects on them.” Logan squeezed his shoulder.

               Virgil pressed his head into Patton’s chest. He had cried in front of them a lot since he wound up here, and they never said anything about it. They just let him. There was no mocking or any consequences. They just let him cry. Just like that.

               “This is stupid.” Virgil pulled away from his uncle. “I knew she didn’t want me. I’ve always known. Why am I even upset?”

               “Just because you know something doesn’t mean it can’t hurt you.” Logan rubbed his back. “And you have every right to be upset.”

               “If its any consolation,” Patton added. “We want you.”

               Why?

               “Ok.” Virgil sighed. “Thank you.”

                                                                               #             #             #    

               “It’s not fair.” Patton mumbled as he and Logan walked down the stairs.

               “I know, but there’s nothing we can do.” Logan wrapped his arm around him. “We can’t change how people think. We just have to be decent people to make up for it.”

               “He was so sad.”

               “He’ll be ok. He’s a strong kid and we’re going to be here to help him.”

               “I guess.” Patton stared at his feet.

               “He’s already made amazing progress.”

               “I know, but.” Patton looked towards Virgil’s room and back at Logan. “All Payton had to do was leave Virgil here when he left. Why? Why did he take the baby?”

               “If there is a god, then only he knows.” Logan sighed.

               “Is he ok?” Roman asked the second he saw them.

               “He’s upset.” Patton sighed.

               “He has every right to be.” Roman glared at the floor. “How do two terrible people make a decent kid? The dragon and Payton are both so vile that I honestly expected their child to hatch from an egg with scales and fangs.”

               “We can’t prove that she didn’t lay an egg.” Patton countered. “And Payton must have gotten some kind of recessive jerk genes. Because Mom was great, and so were our grandparents. And I always try to do the right thing. I wanna be a good person.”

               “You are a good person, Padre.” Roman said immediately. “Just ask anyone.”

               “I don’t know. All of this is kind of my fault.” Patton rubbed his arm.

               “Isn’t it a good thing that Virgil was taken away from his abusive father?” Logan challenged him.

               “I think if I had tried to get custody sooner, then maybe none of this would have happened.” Patton looked at the floor.

               “Well, all we can really do is handle things as they are now.” Logan put a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “We can’t go back in time.”

               “He’s right.” Roman agreed, that was uncommon. “We have to focus on what to do now. The past isn’t going to come back just because we regret it.”

               “Thank goodness for that.” Logan added.

               “Ok.” Patton sighed. “All that matters is now.”

                                                                               #             #             #

               Logan exhaled hard and got out of bed. Patton mumbled incoherently and wrapped himself around his pillow, still sound asleep. Logan smiled down at him before grabbing one of his books and leaving the room.

               Logan had dealt with insomnia for about as long as he could remember. He was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder in college, but his doctor believed that he developed it when he was a kid. The one and only thing he got from normalization therapy. Even the name sounded like a horror movie cult. He shook that off. It was over now.

               As he entered the living room, he heard the shower running. He looked at the clock, now wondering if it was morning already. No, it was about two am. So, who was taking a shower at this time of the night?

               He could be sure that it wasn’t Patton. And Roman probably wouldn’t be up, unless he was just now getting ready for bed. Which he was prone to do. But, the most likely option was that it was Virgil. Now the only question was why.

               Virgil lurked into the living room wearing his black hoodie and a pair of grey sweatpants and drying his hair with a towel. Logan sighed in relief, thankful beyond words that Virgil wasn’t naked. Logan tried to figure out how to make himself known without metaphorically scaring the life out Virgil.

               But, as it turned out, Virgil was far more alert than anyone had considered and the very next thing he did was look up. He yelped softly and shoved his towel over his mouth to keep from screaming, startled by Logan’s sudden appearance.

               “Sorry,” Logan held out his hands. “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just me.”

               “Geeze!” Virgil squeaked. “Where did you come from? Why are you standing in the middle of the living room? Why are you a ninja ghost?”

               “I came downstairs because I couldn’t sleep.” Logan quickly explained. “I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up.”

               “Then we feel the same.” Virgil sighed. “I think you took twenty years off my life. That’s an expression.”

               “I know it’s an expression.”

               “Why are you up?”

               “I told you, I couldn’t sleep.”

               “Yeah, but why?”

               “I have PTSD. It keeps me from sleeping sometimes.”

               “Yeah, that’s a thing that people casually mention.” Virgil added sarcastically.

               “I realize that you’re being sarcastic. But I feel no shame over things that I can’t control. I am defined by what I do, not by what is done to me.”

               “That’s pretty.” Virgil commented blankly. “How did you come to have PTSD, if you don’t mind my asking?”

               “There was a practice called ‘Quiet Hands’ in which autistic children were kept from stimming. If they didn’t stop on command they would be restrained. Many children developed trauma disorders thanks to this.”

               “What’s stimming?”

               “Stimming is something autistic people use to express or process feelings. Usually through repeated actions but sometimes verbally by repeating a word or phrase. I normally clap my hands.”

               “When you say restrained, I’m picturing straightjackets and gurneys.” Virgil looked at him for assurance that he was wrong.

               “No, the therapist just grabbed my hands and held them in place. But I’m sure she was also thinking about straightjackets.”

               “Geeze, at least Payton let me talk.” Virgil looked at the floor. “I mean, I don’t think he ever listened to me. Unless he wanted to insult me. But that was one of the few things I never got hit for.”

               “Virgil.” Logan walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Why are you awake?”

               “I wet the bed again.” Virgil grimaced and tensed up as if he were bracing himself.

               “Well, make a note to talk about that with Emile in your next session. Until then, maybe you ought to avoid fluids after nine.”

               “That’s it?” Virgil looked up at him skeptically. “You’re not mad, you’re not gonna make fun of me? Just that?”

               “I’d like to think that I can react to things without resorting to violence.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Especially when dealing with the mundane.”

               “Uncle Logan,” Virgil hesitated and bit his lip. “How… how did you manage to… I don’t know. How’d you start trusting people?”

               “That was a slow process.” Logan sighed. “I think the first people I ever trusted were Roman and his brother. I met them in middle school, and they were nice to me, treated me like a human. I was wary of the pair at first, but they just kind of… got through to me. I don’t remember deciding to trust either of them, but I guess I did.”

               “Ok.” Virgil looked at the ceiling.

               “I also want you to understand that trust has to be earned. I trusted Roman because he treated me decently and didn’t take advantage.”

               “Do I…” He kept his eyes on the ceiling. “Do I have to testify against my dad?”

               “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Logan tilted Virgil’s head back towards him. “If you’re not comfortable facing him, then no one is going to make you.”

               “I don’t want to be afraid of him.” His voice shook.

               “I know.” Logan knelt to eye level. “But it’s ok if you are. It’s a normal reaction. And what’s most important, is he is never getting his hands on you again.”

               “What if he fights this? You know him, you know he will.”

               “He doesn’t have a metaphorical leg to stand on. The evidence against him continuously grows. He has backed himself into the proverbial corner to end all corners.”

               “What if he just drags this out until you can’t afford to fight him?” He had tears in his eyes now.

               “Virgil, we’re only suing him as a formality so we can include you on our health insurance. Even if he somehow keeps custody, he’s still going to prison for arson. And he’s going to stay there until you’re twenty. This isn’t the video game boss fight. This is the moment when we all get to watch his actions come back to haunt him.”

               “What if they don’t believe me?”

               “This isn’t ‘he says you say,’ no one in their right mind would believe him over evidence.”

               “He put me in the hospital last year.” Virgil said quickly in ragged breaths.

               “We know, I’m sorry.” Logan soothed.

               “He…he.” Virgil wrapped his arms around himself. “He told them I couldn’t have morphine.”

               “Why?” He knew but couldn’t stop himself from asking.

               “I guess he wanted me to be in pain.” Virgil whimpered. “And he wanted to prove a point. Like the doctors believed him, and they never asked me. And they took his word for it.”

               “It’s ok. It’s ok.” Logan hugged him. “It’s over now. You’re safe now. I promise. I swear to you that he is never getting you back.”

               “But they…”

               “Did an unbelievably stupid thing by not checking your records.” Logan cut him off. “And this situation is completely different from that one. This time you have people on your side. And we have more than enough evidence to keep him from so much as writing you a letter.”

               “Yeah?” He squeaked.

               “Virgil, when I first came here Patton and his mother promised me that I would never go back to my parents.” Logan pulled back to look him in the eyes. “And I’m making you that same promise. To borrow a phrase from Roman: Payton can have you over my moldering corpse.”

               Virgil buried his face in Logan’s shoulder.

               “Uncle Logan, have you seen your parents since then? Like bumped into them in the mall or the post office or something?”

               “I have. But admittedly, I just duck out quickly to avoid being seen by them. Sometimes we can forget that our parents are mortal.”

               “What,” Virgil leaned back. “Like they’re gods or demons or something?”

               “Yes. Exactly.”

               Virgil nuzzled back into Logan’s shoulder and sat there quietly for a minute. Logan ran his fingers through the younger man’s hair.

               “I’ll do it.” Virgil mumbled. “I wanna testify against him.”

               “Are you sure?” Logan asked, surprised. “You don’t have to, and you don’t have to decide right now.”

               “I know.” Virgil nodded. “But, I’m not gonna be afraid of him anymore. And I want him to know that he doesn’t scare me. I’m done being his plaything.”

               “Ok.” Logan stroked his hair. “I want you to think about it for a while though. Ok?”

               “Ok.”

               “I mean it. If you want to do this, then great. But if not, you don’t have to.”

               “I know.”

               “Ok.” Logan let him go. “Do you want one of your pills?”

               “No. I think I’ll be able to get back to sleep.”

               “Ok. Good night.”

               “Good night.” Virgil hugged him. “And thank you.”

               Virgil returned to his room and Logan pulled himself off the floor. Despite making sure his nephew knew that he didn’t have to testify against Payton, he was incredibly proud that he wanted to. The ability to stand up to your abuser like that took proverbial guts and a whole lot of real courage. Logan knew that. And he realized that Virgil knew that too. And more importantly, this meant that Virgil was beginning to realize that Payton was wrong. And that alone was worth everything.

               Logan was surprised to find himself yawning. It seemed that his conversation had bedded down his own metaphorical demons. It at least reminded him that he was dealing with thoughts rather than monsters. Simple, easy to defeat memories. He smiled to himself and walked back to his and Patton’s room, half remembering the times when he played with the baby in the middle of the night because neither of them could sleep.

               Payton’s son, not so much. But his. His and Patton’s. Logan laughed softly.

               Who would have ever thought of him as a dad?

                                                                               #             #             #

               “Mwaah.” Patton gleefully enunciated as he pressed the chess horsey into Logan’s cheek.

               “Are you pleased with yourself?” Logan asked stoically.

               “Nay-be.”

               Virgil laughed from his place across from Logan. Finally. Someone who liked dad jokes.

               Logan and Virgil started playing chess after dinner, Virgil called black the second he saw the board, leaving Logan with white. In the meantime, Roman occasionally piped in to annoy Logan, and Patton played with all the defeated pieces. Virgil had knocked down one of Logan’s horses and Logan had used his pointy face to kill one of Virgil’s castles. And all the knobby boys had been defeated.

               “You’re quite good.” Logan said amusedly as his pointy face took out Virgil’s other castle. “But I think you play it a little too safe. You’re mostly using your pieces to block the king and queen. It might do you better to play offensively.”

               “There should be a prince character. Or at least a dragon.” Roman added, fiddling with the castle. “If you’re going to make things up, at least make a fun game out of it.”

               “What part of chess is made up?” Logan eyed him.

               “This isn’t how battles work, for one.” Roman listed. “And chess has walking castles. How is that realistic?”

               “Sounds like Roman wants to play D and D.” Virgil chimed in. “Uncle Logan, my queen kills your bishop.”

               Patton took the pointy face.

               “Excellent move.” Logan’s eyes lit up. “But you already lost your rooks, a fatal error.”

               “I would rather die standing than live kneeling.” Virgil grinned.

               “Members of the clergy don’t fight in wars.” Roman added, dumbfounded.

               “What if god told them to?” Virgil asked. “Like the crusades?”

               Before Roman could argue, his phone rang.

               “I fear for the worst.” Roman sighed before answering. “Hello?”

               Roman listened for a moment.

               “Hang on one second, I need to embarrass my nephew.” Roman pressed his phone against his chest and looked at Virgil. “Verge, they need a nude model for the still life class at the civic center, they asked for you by name. They offered to pay extra if you still have that birthmark.”

               “HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!!!??” Virgil yelped, jumping up and pulling his shirt over the back of his pants. He was completely red.

               “I used to babysit you a lot. That includes changing diapers and giving baths.”

               “I’m in hell.” Virgil said blankly.

               “I’ll be over in ten minutes.” Roman said to the other end of the phone and hung up. “I extend my apologies, but I am needed in other places.”

               “I still don’t understand how you can do that.” Patton shivered. “The idea of it terrifies me.”

               “Trust me Padre, I’m not the one who is exposed.”

               “Hi, I’m Virgil,” Virgil introduced himself. “I’m new here and don’t know what you’re talking about.”

               “Roman occasionally works as a nude model for a still life class.” Logan answered.

               “I’m sorry I asked.” Virgil grimaced.

               “It’s not sexual.” Roman emphasized. “It’s like drawing a tree.”

               “But you still stand there, in front of all those people.” Patton blushed. “And they draw you… naked.”

               “Patton, I was saving this.” Roman sighed. “But I’ll pull it out now if I must.”

               “No, please. I’m a minor.” Virgil pulled his hood over his eyes.

               “I was not talking about… THAT!” Roman blushed. “I would never! That! Get your mind out of the gutter!”

               “Virgil embarrassed Roman.” Patton announced. “Logan mark the calendar. Someone embarrassed Roman.”

               “I never thought I’d see the day.” Logan added.

               “Right.” Roman said as he walked towards the door. “I shall see you in a few hours.”

               “Wait, what were you gonna say?” Patton asked foolishly.

               “Just.” Roman stared evilly. “That you and Logan think you’re so quiet. Love you, bye.”

               The door closed. Patton and Logan both looked at each other in horror.

               “I am going to pretend that didn’t happen.” Virgil said quickly. “Who’s Roman? Uncle Logan, it’s your move. Try to kill my queen.”

               Logan shook off his shock and looked down at the board. Using his queen, he killed Virgil’s. Patton took the dead queen.

               “So, you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?” Virgil sang.

               “So, you think you can love me and leave me to diiiie?” Patton gleefully continued.

               “I believe it’s your move, Freddie.” Logan smiled.

               Virgil sent one of his horses over to Logan’s queen.

               “No time for losers.” Logan killed the horse with his queen.

               “That’s the wrong song.” Virgil sent over his other horsey. “But I am losing.”

               “I can’t tell who’s winning.” Patton added happily.

               Patton’s two boys played for a few more minutes.

               “Check mate.” Logan announced calmly.

               “And now a Shakespearean paly will start in what is left of my country.” Virgil looked down at the board. “Good game Uncle Logan.”  

               “You played very well yourself.” Logan smiled. “And you called all the pieces by their proper names. A rarity in this household.”

               “If you keep on talking Logan,” Patton lead on. “You might get…”

               “Do not do it.” Logan stared at him.

               “A little horse.” Patton popped the horsey up from under the table.

               “Hey, Uncle Patton.” Virgil called, holding one of the horses up over the board. “It’s a horse fly.”

               “Of all the things to be hereditary.” Logan sighed.

               “Ok, we’ll stop… horsing around.”

               “I married you.” Logan said stunned.

               “Last one. I promise.” Virgil set his horsey down. “The dark knight.”

               “That was actually funny.” Logan said angrily.

               “Oh! I have a great idea!” Patton hopped up and down a bit. “Meet me in the living room.”

               Patton darted upstairs to his closet and pulled out three of his scrap books. Scrapbooking was a personally favorite of his, memories and glitter. And decorating. It was the best.

               He checked to make sure they were the books he wanted and darted downstairs with them. Both Logan and Virgil were waiting for him on the couch. He nestled himself between them and opened the first book.

               “I was wondering when you were going to pull these out.” Logan said, putting his arm around him.

               “Well, we need to show Virgil.” Patton beamed and turned to his little anxious baby. “You’re going to be these a lot more now. We need to make up for lost time.”

               “Ok?” Virgil looked confused.

               “Ok. Here’s me in freshmen year of high school.” Patton pointed down at the first picture on the page.

               “What the hell happened?” Virgil looked on in pure shock.

               In the picture Patton was smiling from behind some incredibly thick braces that made his teeth look like iron plates. They almost looked worse than the head gear that accompanied them.

               “Oh, I tried to do a flip. You know, the kind where you run up the wall?” Patton explained. “And I face planted into a tree and knocked out my two front teeth.”

               “Years of corrective dental treatments ensued.” Logan added.

               “My favorite piece was the retainer with two fake teeth in it.” Patton smiled. “I pulled some funny pranks with that one. I’m almost sad that I got permanent implants.”

               “So, you used to take your teeth out and harass people with them?” Virgil made a face of disgust and intrigue.

               “He mostly just held them out to people and asked if he had something in his teeth.” Logan answered. “It wasn’t very funny.”

               “Sure, it was.” Patton added, moving on to the next few pictures. “Here’s me and Payton at Easter, Mom always had us dress up all nice so she could take pictures. And here’s me and Payton as altar boys. And us at Christmas.”

               He turned the page and was hit with several play brochures. And one picture of Roman, clad in a dress of green and orange taffeta that clashed horridly in a sultry pose with the stupidest look on his face.

               “Why?” Virgil asked, stunned.

               “Roman got to play Mona in Cinderella’s Mice.” Patton explained. “He wanted to be the prince, but he had a lot of fun with his character.”

               “Wow. Must have been a great show when he came out.” Virgil retorted.

               “Nearly everyone claimed to have ‘called it’ if I remember correctly.” Logan added.

               “Oh, here it is.” Patton clapped his hands happily.

               Centered in the page was a group photo of him, Logan, Roman and Remus all in different dresses. The twins went all out, naturally, with Roman in a red satin prom dress with matching shoes and purse. And Remus wearing a tight black leather skirt, fishnet stockings, knee length stiletto boots and a green blouse tied around his chest so that his entire stomach, complete with a long pink scar, showed. Logan was more subtle, wearing a floor length black skirt to complement his black polo shirt and blue tie. Patton himself had borrowed one of his mother’s dresses. A beautiful blue sundress with a yellow floral pattern, he accessorized with a white sunhat that had a long yellow ribbon tied in a bow. They were the prettiest boys in the school.

               “He’s real.” Virgil gasped, looking right at Remus’s picture.

               “Of course, he’s real.” Logan responded. “Did you think we were gaslighting you?”

               “I just kinda thought that no one was that crazy.”

               “Remus really isn’t as bad as Patton makes him sound.”

               “He bit Payton.” Patton argued. “Hard enough to draw blood. And what about when he got his glass eye? How many people did he terrorize with that?”

               “Now he only has one eye?” Virgil interrupted. “Are we sure he’s real?”

               “He has both eyes.” Logan explained. “He just also has a glass eye that he would torment people with.”

               “Let’s just move on.” Patton tried to stifle his gag reflex, he did not, ever, want to think about Remus’s eye again. “Here’s all the petitions that came out of it. The petition from the super religious kids saying that guys should be banned from wearing skirts. Roman’s petition that says if they do that, girls shouldn’t be allowed to wear pants, for the double standard. Logan’s essay slash petition saying that pants were originally a female garment and skirts were worn by men, so the girls should have to only wear pants and the guys only wear skirts. Then Remus sent out one saying that we need to ban the dress code all together and just show up to school naked. A petition to stop all petitions, one to repaint the school with reflective paint so that it’ll be invisible, one to tear down the school and build a strip club, and my favorite, one to move the state of Florida four feet and seven inches to the right.”

               That one did it, Virgil doubled over laughing. He actually fell off the couch and curled up on the floor, crying from laughing. And it was adorable. He had the cutest little laugh, his face got all red and he closed his eyes so tight. He was just the most precious little baby.

               Coughing and sniffling, Virgil climbed back onto the couch. He chuckled lightly to himself as he sat down and turned his attention back to the book.

               Patton turned the page and saw his brother, dressed to the nines with a dark-haired girl on his arm. He was taking her to the spring fling or some other school function.

               Wow, Virgil looks like his dad. A bit darker, but that must be from his mom. He definitely has her hair. Different freckles from Payton, but it’s undeniably his genes that put them there. He looks so much like him in the face, the shape is identical. It’s uncanny.

               “Is that her?” Virgil asked softly, also seeming transfixed by the image.

               “Yeah. That’s her.” Patton said numbly.

               He couldn’t even muster up the ability to hate her. Patton felt nothing for her. She abandoned her baby and left him with Payton of all people. Sure, Payton probably was rotten to her, as he was to most people he was close to, but she left a baby with him. Could Virgil really mean so little to her? Mean nothing?

               “You ok Uncle P?” Virgil looked up at him.

               “It’s nothing.” Patton shook his head.

               Virgil stared down at the picture with a curious glimmer in his eyes. He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but instead bit his lip and started chewing on his one of his band aids. He looked away quickly, the hint of longing still reflected in his brown irises.

               “Do you wanna know what she was like kiddo?” Patton asked chipperly as he fought back the ice.

               “No.” Virgil didn’t look up. “I don’t care.”

               Patton and Logan met each other’s eyes. They both knew he was lying. He might as well have tried to tell them the moon was invisible.

               “Well, she was very pretty. And very talented. And very popular.” Patton said with a smile. “And she can’t have been shallow, after all, Payton isn’t exactly a ten.”

               “I said I don’t care.” Virgil turned the page. “For all I care she had three eyes.”

               The next page was covered in Virgil’s baby pictures. One featured Roman grinning proudly as he stood beside a paper mâché egg that had been broken in half horizontally. He had positioned Virgil, no more than a week old so that his lower half was inside the shell as the rest of him lay asleep outside it. On the baby’s head, carefully positioned, was the smallest part or the egg that he now wore as a hat.

               “Roman never did like your mom.” Logan added blankly. “He constantly called her a dragon.”

               What the liar didn’t add was that he was taking the picture. Logan was no saint when it came to either of Virgil’s biological parents. As the moth food story would prove.

               “It’s a cute picture though.” Patton changed the subject.

               Virgil sat there quietly with a faraway look in his eyes. He chewed on one of his band aids robotically, pensively.

               Patton suddenly realized that this was the first time Virgil had ever seen a picture of his mom. And up until now all he knew about her was… was that she didn’t want him. Patton wrapped his arm around Virgil and snuggled up to him. There were times when it was easier to talk with cuddles, this was one of them.

               “You thinking big thoughts sweetie?” Patton asked gently.

               “What?” Virgil laughed.

               “Sorry, that’s what I ask my kids when they zone out. It’s another substitute for ‘penny for your thoughts’ that sounds more fun.”

               “That just means if I tell you, I don’t get any cookies.” Virgil reasoned.

               “Trust me, Patton will gladly distribute sweets.” Logan added.

               “I’m fine.” Virgil smiled. “I was just going over that chess game in my head. I plan to win the next one.”

               “Plans change.” Logan adjusted his glasses smoothly.

               “Damn.” Virgil whispered in admiration.

               “Oh, here’s a picture of you and mom.” Patton squeaked. “She loved you so much.”

               “She wasn’t mad to be a young grandmother?” Virgil raised an eyebrow.

               “Well, when Hazel left you with Payton, mom didn’t want to put you up for adoption. But she wasn’t gonna force Payton to be a parent, so I think she was just planning to keep you. But she got sick.”

               Virgil rubbed Patton’s arm softly to console him.

               “I’m ok, Sweetie.” Patton sighed. “That was a long time ago.”

               Patton looked for another picture to distract them from all the bad feelings that hung heavy in the air. His eyes landed on one of Logan asleep on the couch, Virgil sound asleep in his heavily bruised arms. Despite Logan’s protests, he still blamed himself for that.

               “Here’s you and Logan.” Patton chirped. “You were maybe about five months old. The pictures aren’t exactly in sequence. But you loved him when you were little.”

               “Really?” Virgil briefly looked up from the image.

               “You did. Whenever you saw him you started clapping your little hands.”

               Logan rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. Patton never could figure out why he always reacted that way to Virgil’s clapping at him.

               “And here’s a picture from when you said your first word.” Logan pointed to a different part of the page. “Yes, I realize how odd that may sound.”  

               The picture showed Patton holding the baby while crying excitedly.

               “Your first word was pat.” Patton beamed.

               “How exciting.” Virgil said blankly.

               “He’s happy because you were trying to say ‘Patton’.” Logan explained.

               “It was so adorable.”

               Virgil smiled slightly at them, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he snuggled up to Patton and listened contentedly as they reminisced.

               Patton sighed happily. Virgil didn’t feel as light and fragile as he had when he first came to stay. He had gained a nice amount of weight back and felt much warmer, not like a fever warm as he had felt, but a normal body heat type of warmth. The kind that means someone is healthy.

               Patton wished once again for his camera to immortalize this moment but instead he continued showing Virgil the pictures. He had a better wish in mind. He wished that moments like this would be frequent. That these times would be commonplace and that he would never be able to recall a specific one, because there were just so many.

               From now on his little anxious baby would never again have to wonder if anyone loved him.

               “Aww,” Patton said out loud as he turned the page. “Here’s one of your little birthmark.”

               The birthmark in question was a patch of red skin with three accompanying spots above it that was just between Virgil’s lower back and his bottom. Roman often teased that he would be growing a tail, while Patton insisted that it looked like a paw print.

               “We’re not talking about the birthmark.” Virgil turned the page, beet red.

               Patton and Logan both laughed.

[sambergscott]

queen of clean

actually managed to finish an entire fic!!! and i don’t completely hate it!!! what is this wizardry

Jake Peralta is an inherently messy person.

When he was a kid, his bedroom was a mess. His mom was always too busy working and dealing with the side effects of marrying a selfish, drunken slut to care and as a result, he never cleaned it up. When he finally got his own place, his bad childhood habits stuck. Clothes lived on the floor, dishes were never washed, shelves and drawers and cupboards accumulated clutter. He wasn’t any better at work; Holt once compared his locker to a Philippine garbage dump and Algernon the mouse was a frequent guest at Hotel Peralta, located in his desk drawer.

In a weird twist of fate, he ended up marrying Amy Santiago - the Queen of Clean.

Moving in with her was amazing and he’d never been happier, but it had also been a sharp learning curve. He was suddenly making his bed every morning (even though he just messed it up again every night #pointless), washing dishes after every meal and she helped him declutter Marie Kondo stylez. She has made him a better person in every way.

Unfortunately, with their jobs, they often work crazy long hours and bad habits sometimes creep back in.

Amy’s away and he’s been pulling double shifts all week and when he gets home all he wants to do is order Chinese food, Facetime his wife and fall asleep on the sofa in front of Property Brothers. Tiredness, missing Amy and being an inherently messy person are not conducive factors to a tidy, clean home. And, of course, he doesn’t realise just how bad he’s let it get until two hours before she comes home.

And it’s really bad. Even for his standards.

The laundry basket is overflowing. The bed has not been made all week. The kitchen is... Actually, he doesn’t even want to think about what state the kitchen is in. Talk about a Philippine garbage dump.

If Amy came home to this, she would flip. And probably immediately start cleaning it up. After a stressful week helping out her dad post- knee surgery and the always anxiety-inducing affair of travelling on her own, the least she deserves is food, cuddles and to come home to a clean apartment.

He changes into more comfortable clothes, switches on Lover and retrieves Amy’s cleaning kit from underneath the sink.

He starts with their bedroom and making their bed. He pulls the sheets over, smooths them out with his hand and styles with the decorative pillows Amy loves. It doesn’t look as neat as when they do it together, but it’s fine. It’ll do. He picks up his excess socks from all over the floor and empties the laundry basket into the washing machine. He throws all the chocolate wrappers from his bedside table away, wipes down the surfaces with Amy’s homemade cleaner and hoovers the floor.

Next, he moves onto the bathroom. He cleans the toilet, bath, sink and mirror and sprays some air freshener to make it smell nice.

Making excellent time, he begins to tackle the disaster zone that is the kitchen. A stack of pizza boxes and bottles of beer go in the recycling, he washes all the dirty plates and cups that are stained with coffee and tidies everything away into its appropriate cupboard or drawer.

That’s when Taylor is rudely interrupted by a text popping up on his phone.

AMY SANTIAGO, 17.57:

Babe!!! Great news!!! I managed to get on an earlier flight! David has just picked me up from the airport. I can’t wait to see you ❤️

“Shit,” he curses, looking around at how much more he has to do before quickly typing a response.

JAKE PERALTA, 17.58:

Can’t wait to see you either, Ames 😘

Picking up the pace, he cleans all the kitchen counters and the oven and also the floor and rushes round the rest of the apartment opening the windows, suddenly remembering that is something his wife likes to do. He straightens the dining chairs, cleans the table, and dusts some of Amy’s ornaments.

Moving onto the living room, he kind of regrets leaving it until last. It’s a total mess. Fortunately, he’s on a roll and it’s pretty easy to fix. He puts all the empty wrappers in the trash and cleans an extra coffee mug he forgot about (he drinks a lot of coffee, OK?). He dusts the TV, waters the plants and hoovers the floor. He’s plumping the final cushion when she opens the front door.

“You’re home,” he says dumbly before she crashes into his arms, hugging him as tight as she can.

“Now I’m home,” she responds, making him blush. She started referring to him as her home soon after they moved in together and, yeah, it’s cheesy, and, yeah, Rosa ripped into them when she overhead them say it one time, but it is true. She makes him feel safe and comfortable and vice versa.

“I missed you.” He kisses her. “So, so much.” He kisses her again. “Wait, how’s my best friend Victor?”

“He’s fine, just a little sore. And don’t let Charles hear you say that.”

“He’s probably had our apartment bugged for years,” Jake shrugs.

Amy scrunches up her nose in disgust. “That actually sounds like something he would do.” His actual best friend is obsessed with their private life. Like, obsessed obsessed. There are hundreds, if not thousands of examples, but just this week when Jake was Facetiming her at his desk, Charles popped up in the background to check whether she’d got her period yet.

(They’re trying for a baby).

(Jake was so excited when they finally decided to start that he accidentally spilled the beans to a delighted Charles).

(His obsession with her reproductive system at an all time high, he constantly recommends the best sex positions for conception, foods she should be eating and names for their future, although hopefully-not-too far-in-the-future, baby).

(Neither of them want to know how he’s suddenly started tracking her cycle).

“Speaking of the apartment,” Jake swiftly changes the subject, “what do you think?”

Using her finely honed detective skills, she clocks the neatly plumped cushions, the sparkling countertops and the lack of takeaway boxes anywhere. Her eyes water as she looks back at him. “You cleaned?”

“Yep,” he grins. “The entire apartment. Well, all the rooms I’d messed up. I didn’t go anywhere near your books, I promise.”

“Babe, it looks amazing,” she says, genuinely impressed and, to be honest, a little turned on.

“You should see the bedroom,” he lowers his voice into what he thinks is a sexy voice, kind of ruining the moment.

She rolls her eyes, following him into the bedroom anyway. Making the bed is a huge source of contention in their relationship and by the look on her face, she’s thrilled that he’s done that too.

“I even arranged your one thousand pillows,” he brags.

“Thank you,” she whispers, looking around the room in amazement. It never looks this tidy. There is always an errant sock or two on his side of the room, but the floor is 100% sock free. It’s beautiful. “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

 “I love you. And this place was kind of a mess without you. I’m kind of a mess without you. But you’ve had a hard week and you deserve to come home to a nice apartment.”

“I love you so much, Jake Peralta,” she declares, grabbing his face and kissing him, pouring every ounce of love and gratitude into it.

When they eventually pull apart, he has a dopey smile on his face. “Maybe I should quit my job and become a full-time cleaner if you’re gonna kiss me like that.”

“You’re a dork,” she replies, punctuating her sentence with another kiss. She suddenly gasps. “Did you clean the bathroom as well?”

“Baby, I cleaned the whole damn thing. Toilet, bath, sink and floor. I even folded the toilet roll into a point at the end.”

“Oh my God. That’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said.”

“That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever said?” He blanches. His game must be way worse than he thought. 

“Mm-hmm,” she hums. “What other sexy things can you say?”

He quickly searches his brain for something cleaning related that his wife would find sexy. “I... uhhh... vacuumed?” He says awkwardly. “And I, um, put the laundry on.”

She gives him an encouraging nod. “Tell me more.”

“I separated the whites and darks,” he plays along. “I put it on a cold wash to save the environment. I didn’t drop any socks on the way there.”

“Ohhh, mama...”

He’s always been a messy person, but if sex is the reward for tidying their apartment, he’s for sure going to do it more often. If she’s the Queen of Clean, he’s going to be her King.

[oh-theatre]

Objection!: Chapter 6

Chapter title: Truly Believe

A/n: This entire fic is just me loving Patton and projecting it onto the characters. I just love him a lot??? Also, would you guys like if I released like a separate chapter of just different moments of them in court? I have these small interactions between the group during trials and stuff and I think it would be fun. Let me know! Make sure to leave me some comments, I really appreciate them!!

First | Previous | Next

words: 4483

summary: Logan realizes some of his feelings, Patton has a realization about the case

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic demus

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, implied abuse, swearing, gun mention, abuse mention, abuse

Ao3 Link  

“I'm so sorry Mr.Tolentino” Reeve rushes in, scattering files everywhere “I didn't mean to be late” Logan adjusts his position on the desk pushing up, sitting straight, he checks his watch scrunching his brows.

“You aren't late Reeve, you're right on time” Logan assures. Reeve gives Logan the same look he had given many a time, critical and very judgy. “Although everyone knows-”

“Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable,” Both Reeve and Logan say in unison. Logan nods at Reeve approvingly, he smiles shyly. Logan gestures to the chair across from his own, Reeve takes it nervously, he was still getting used to Logan. He shuffles awkwardly in his seat, something itching his mind.

“Yes, Reeve?” Logan sighs, noticing his erratic movement. Reeve chuckles feeling his palms grow sweaty. He set his things down by his side turning back to Logan, who waits impatiently.

“I have a note from P-Patton for you” Reeve informs, he has never wanted to curl up in a ball as much as he wanted to right now. “It's about the case files, and about...last night” Reeve adds quietly, Logan's eyes grew wide.

“Last night?” He asks cautiously, how much? About the talk, the children, the stars, the kiss on the cheek?

“Yes, about the man and thanking you for helping with the children” Reeve nods handing him the note. He takes it a little harder than he should have from the poor boy's hands, skimming it quickly. He feels a wave of relief hit him as the note goes on. He reads every line of the beautiful handwritten note, the penmanship was remarkable.

Hey Lo!

Just wanted to thank you for your help last night, the kids have not stopped talking about you. You might have to come over for dinner soon :)

I would love to. Logan struggles against his own smile, you really can write as you speak.

For your help, I'm sending Reeve over with some of my notes! And you’ll notice that you can actually read mine.

It was one time Patton, one time. Logan recalls when he and had Patton shared notes on a previous case. Patton had told him ‘He wouldn't need a doctor anymore, by the way, you write, you must be a great one. ‘ Not his best joke, but unfortunately very true.

Anyway, thanks for everything, can’t wait to get this case started.

Love, Patton!

Love Patton indeed. He hands the note back to Reeve who shoves it away scrunching his brows. Without command, he hands Logan a copy of Patton's notes that he had sent. Just as he had promised, his notes were organized, neat and well...extremely helpful.

“Brilliant” Logan mutters to himself, he flips through the notes scribbling down his own thoughts, feeling things fall slowly into place. “Absolutely brilliant, he is a ….” Logan searches for a word the could sum up how he felt. “A genius. Reeve come look at this” He ushers, Reeve, tilts his head, his face growing hot. Logan looks up, he sighs “You're here to learn, I might not be the one directly teaching you but at least you'll be getting something. So come look at these notes” Logan insists, his voice growing excited. Reeve decides to heed his command and goes around toward his side of the desk. He leans over catching up to where Logan was, his own excitement setting in. “What did I tell you, brilliant” Logan admires

“I see why he's so popular, I mean...wow” Reeve marvels watching as the notes dance from one page to another, each making sense, each claim backed up by mountains of evidence. Logan was picking a lock and Patton had given him the key. “What are those” Reeve inquires pointing at a separate file. Logan takes it studying it curiously, he nods as he read.

“Patton's transcripts, from when he first interviewed the client” Logans eyes were glazed over, Reeve swore he could see a sparkle. “Fascinating…amazing...” Reeve was questioning whether he was still talking about the actual files. He studies Logan deciding to put his deductive skills to the test. Logan's eyes were tired, poorly covered up with makeup. His cheeks were redder than usual, clearly burning with a blush. He was smiling, clearly engaging his zygomatic major muscle and his orbicularis oculi muscle, a Duchenne smile. Or, in layman's terms ‘Smizing’.

“Smiling with your eyes” Reeve mumbles softly, not softly enough however as this catches Logan's attention. He turns to face Reeve who scrambles away a little from the desk.

“Pardon?” Logan raises an eyebrow waiting for the boy to answer. He stutters over his words, muttering non-coherent sentences. Logan stands approaching him. “Reeve?”

“The Duchenne smile, more commonly known as ‘smiling with your eyes’” Reeve rushes, practically stumbling over his own words. “That's what you were doing, sir” He adds. He mentally kicks himself for that, preparing for the worst.

“Am I really that scary?” Logan sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He sits down calmly, arranging the files on his desk. “Sit please” He mentions to Reeve who wastes no time doing exactly that. “Why did you scramble?” Logan eases, trying to understand. Reeve pauses

“Nothing sir, I apologize”

“No, no, I apologize, perhaps I've been a little intimidating” Logan admits, Reeve listens, a little too scared to move. “Smiling with your eyes…Odd” Reeve smiles, a little more confident now. He adjusts his back in the chair straightening it. “Why did you say it?” Logans asks, clearly, it was bothering him.

“Well, while you were looking through Mr.Hart's notes you seemed to be almost… enamored with them” Reeve explains cautiously, he feels himself clutching on to the sides of the chairs. Logan moves his head back for the first time, he didn't know what to say.

“I'm not infatuated with Patton” Logan retorts, Reeve might have laughed had he not been so scared.

“I didn't say you were ...but now I'm starting to think you are…” He mumbles the last part. Logan pauses, he wasn't really listening. Infatuated? With Patton? He thought back on the past years, even just last night. “Mr.Tolentino?” Logan turns back to Reeve who was watching him now as if prepared to take notes on whatever he did, analyze every movement.

“Let's say, hypothetically, and I mean hypothetically” His tone becomes firm, eyes taking on stern look. Reeve nods.  “If I was…how would I approach...” He shakes his head waving the thought away. “Forget I said anything. You're here to learn what it's like being a lawyer let's get back to that” Reeve debates whether he was going to regret his next words.

“Buy him a coffee and a pastry from the coffee cart,” Reeve says, Logan turned to face Reeve once more.

“Why?” Was all he says, he was curious though. What would a delectable pastry and hot coffee do?

“It's a start, its a conversation starter, it's an excuse to talk to him and...it shows that you care” Reeve explains, he rambles but Logan understands. What he didn't understand is why? Why would he want those things?

“Tell me what went wrong with the ‘Scottsboro Boys’ case,” Logan asks, Reeve, tilts his head before frantically searching his notes. A wave of relief floods him at the subject change. He begins flipping through as Logan turns to his bookshelves. He tracks his fingers across the books skimming for a certain one. He hears light mumbles coming from Reeve behind him. Once he has located the book he turns to the next bookshelf, however, this one was covered in files. Each organized by date, what the trial was and whether it had been successful at carrying out justice, in Logan's professional opinion of course. He pulls the ‘Scottsboro Boys’ case reading through a copy of the original files with his own notes on the side. He hums softly before sitting back at his desk, watching Reeve who was now scribbling down some notes. He finishes quite triumphantly before looking up. “Ready?”

“Ready” And so they begin

Buy him a coffee and a pastry.

Shows that you care

~~~

Roman would be lying if he said that he didn't wish he could wake up this way every morning. And by that, he means having Virgil's Great Dane, Joey, hop onto the couch planting himself on top of Roman, licking his face. Roman felt his eyes open slowly, the light flooding into the room burning his dry eyes. He adjusts quickly to the slobbery mess on his face and the sudden added pressure on his chest. He looks up to find Joey breathing heavily, his paws folded in front of him, as he stares at Roman. He chuckles carefully sitting up petting the dog, Joey bounces, jumping off of him. He watches as the dog stands expectantly at his feet and decides he should probably get up. Wiping his eyes, stretching his arms he stands much to Joey’s delight. He follows as the dog walks happily towards the kitchen and thank god he did. Roman wishes he had a phone to take a picture of this. He watches as Virgil dances softly around the room humming along to the music playing in the background. He watches as Virgil prepares what seems like breakfast, for three. He turns finally spotting Roman and drops his pan.

“Roman!” He scolds, Roman, laughs going to help him clean up the scattered scrambled eggs on the floor. Joey has his own cleaning ideas, trying very hard to lick the floor. Roman holds him back stifling his laugh. “Good morning” He grumbles, picking up the fallen pan.

“It is a good morning indeed!” Roman exclaims happily. “Sorry for spending the night, the little guy tired me out” Roman rubs his neck, Virgil goes to pause his music turning off the stove. He hands Roman a cup of coffee, who having been here plenty of times, went straight for the cream and sugar.

“It's fine, don't worry, thanks for taking care of the kiddo in the first place” Virgil assures, leading the pair over to the table.

“Always and kiddo?” Roman teases

“Patton's rubbing off on me” Virgil jokes back, Roman releases a breathy laugh stirring his coffee. They yawn simultaneously gaining quite comfortable in the presence of each other, silent or not. They hear the light shuffling of feet both preparing for an incoming storm. They watch as little Damian comes scurrying in holding his snake plushie followed by Joey. He runs straight towards Virgil jumping in his dad's arms.

“Hi, Papi!” He squeals nuzzling himself into Virgil, he chuckles adjusting Damian's position on his lap. Roman watches with a smile, Damian fiddles with his plushie.

“Morning Dee” Virgil greets “Did you have fun last night?” Damian waves to Roman nodding.

“He's the best!” Damian exclaims throwing his hands in the air. The men chuckle at the small boy. “Can he always come here?” Damian asks his father, Virgil smiles. Roman folds his hands in his lap awaiting Virgil's answer, he raises his eyebrows. Virgil shakes his head at the judge.

“What do you want for breakfast Dee?” Virgil asks switching the topic, he didn't know the answer and would rather not discuss it at eight forty-six in the morning. Damian struggles in his father's arms making grabby hands at Roman, Virgil sighs at the smirk etching on the judges face. He stands, still holding the boy carefully giving him to Roman. “I will go make you some food” Roman nods completely focused on Damian now. Virgil makes his way back to the kitchen, still reaping the unfortunate egg incident he decides some cereal will do. He watches from afar, Roman and Damian seem to be deep in conversation. He seems to have some kind of idea and bounces off of Romans lap scurrying in the direction of his room. Virgil finishes serving his bowl of cereal and places it in Damian's highchair.

“He's so cute” Roman claims as Virgil sits back down. Roman awaits some kind of quip, but Virgil simply shrugs.

“Hey, no disagreements here.” Roman chuckles fiddling with his empty cups of coffee. “So, big day today. The trial finally begins” Virgil comments, something shifts. Roman exhales a long breath, some things he's been holding in. He doesn't want to discuss the trial, he's not sure why. Roman loves being a judge, serving justice, having total control.

“Yes it is, I have a meeting with Patton and Logan in my chambers in about…” He checks his watch rubbing his eyes. “Two hours” Virgil yawns nodding as Damian returns. How the kid has this much energy in the morning is something Virgil will never understand. Virgil picks him up placing him in his highchair. He instantly starts shoveling down his cereal, making a mess, much to Virgils ‘delight’. Roman watches wanting to stay here, frozen in this frame. Watching Virgil smiling at his enigmatic son. Its something Roman had always thought about, the prospect of a family. He always marveled at Virgil and Patton, their ability to balance a very busy work life and still have time for their children. Still, have the mental capacity to give them love when they go into work every day dealing with awful people. Roman is sentencing someone to punishment, to spend the rest of their days suffering. Do they deserve it? Yes. Does Roman know this? Yes. Does he still feel somewhat guilty every time the sound of the gavel hitting a hard surface echoes throughout the courtroom? Absolutely.

“I'm done!” Damian announces, throwing his hands in the air pridefully. Roman chuckles dryly at the small boy. His only worry in life is whether or not he can sing the alphabet or count to the number ten. Virgil stands, Roman follows, he picks up his son letting him out to play. Damian instantly rushes towards Joey who pounces licking the child. Roman kneels petting Joey softly, Virgil leads Damian to his room disappearing for a while. Roman sits on the ground now simply enjoying Joeys warm head laying in his lap. Virgil returns after a moment holding a now dressed Damian on one side and the boys backpack in the other. “I'm ready!”

“Yes, you are niño” Roman agrees, he stands dusting himself off, Joey whines at the sudden shift. Virgil collects a few more things, while Roman organizes himself.

“Ready to go?” Virgil asks, Roman nods following the detective towards the door. He helps him strap Damian into his seat before taking his place in the passenger's seat. Virgil slides into the driver's seat, Roman watches curiously as he goes through some kind of routine. First, he checks on Damian making sure the young boy is alright, then he checks the mirrors, once that's finished he turns on the car going through each small thing to make sure everything is in working order. Finally, he pulls out of the driveway, Roman leans his head against the window, taking this little time to himself.

~~~

“Morning Mr.Hart!” Jenny calls. Patton looks up waving, giving the sweet woman a polite smile. He hoisters his briefcase trying hard to keep everything from spilling out. This morning had been chaos enough, and the day wasn't going to get better. The twins had decided to pitch a fit about going to school, not even a day ago having wanted to go more than anything, claiming they wanted to hang out with Patton today. Which he knew was code for, ‘We wanna see Mister Logan’. He might have caved in had he not remembered he had a mountain of work to do, and that the trial was beginning this afternoon. So, after fighting for another hour, he finally got the kids to daycare where they now preside perfectly happy with their friends.

“Patton” Patton feels his heart sink, so close. He turns to face Liam who stands leaning by the door. He’s smoking a cigarette huffing away, now Patton's especially happy he didn't bring the kids. Liam puts it out after a moment approaching him. “Good morning” His voice, which once sounded so sweet, now felt like nails on a chalkboard as it tore its way through Patton's ears.

“It's not” Patton replies curtly, he hefts his briefcase some more, why did I pack it so heavy? Liam lets out a nasty laugh, he extends a hand out towards the briefcase. Patton brings it closer to himself, he doesn't need help, he needs to get to his office.

“Patton don't be stubborn, let me help” Liam tries again grabbing the handle, it's a rough touch, always has been. Patton struggles to free his hand, and briefcase for that matter, away from Liam. “Cupcake” His voice darkens, his eyes seeking vengeance. Patton squirms at the nickname, hating the awful taste it leaves.

“You didn't want to help before…” Patton mumbles finally pulling away. His case crashes to the floor with files and loose papers cluttering everywhere. He groans kneeling down frantically trying to gather everything. It was so neat, so perfect. Liam smirks maliciously before kneeling himself, he picks up a few papers reading over them. Patton manages to stuff most everything back into his case. He looks up at Liam expectantly holding out his hand for the final few things. Liam thinks for a moment for simply shaking his head, he continues browsing the files. “Liam, give them back, you're being childish” Patton says, he stands dusting himself off. Liam follows but won't give in.

“I'm being childish? You're the one who keeps ignoring me, won't let me see my kids and your running around with some...man-”

“I am not” Patton states firmly, he's not offended by the assumption. He just doesn't wish to carry on this conversation, and would rather not hear about Liam's thoughts, or Liams anything for that matter. He holds out his hand once more, signaling for him to return the papers. Liam rolls his eyes, shoving them into Patton's chest. “Thank you” He seethes, finally closing his briefcase shut. He turns to make his way towards his office but feels something clutch to his arm pulling him back. Liam digs his nails into Patton, he winces once more struggling in the man's grip. “Liam… “ he whines, his vision becomes blurry. It's not just the nails causing the incoming tears, though that contributes, it's just everything about his former partner. The things he did race through Patton's mind, things he had worked so hard to just shove away.

“You are so weak” Liam scoffs, he remains “You always have been, how you're a lawyer I will never understand” That cuts deep, and Liam knew it would. For years people, family, friends, anybody really, would laugh when Patton shared his dreams. He was much too soft to be a lawyer, he wasn't a shark, he cared too much. The comments continued even after he graduated from Harvard, even after he passed the BAR exam, even today they simply waited until the ball drops and Patton can't do it anymore. Patton tries again to no avail, Liam’s not fighting a losing war. He holds Patton close, if you were just passing by you wouldn't even tell something was wrong.

“Let him go” A stiff voice requests. However, it didn't really sound like a request, more of a command. Patton glances towards the source biting down a smile. Logan stands watching Liam, he holds some kind of hot drink in his hand and a small paper bag in the other. He looks as he always does, prim, proper, neat, and put-together. Except for his eyes, his eyes glare at Liam, Patton swears he can see a fiery pit buried deep in Logan's dark brown eyes. Patton turns back to Liam, but he won't budge, in fact, he digs further. At this point, it's a tug-of-war game and Patton has the unfortunate opportunity to be the rope. After a moment Logan walks towards them, he stands next to Patton still watching Liam. He might not be fighting a losing war but he just lost the battle. Liam pulls away finally releasing Patton from his hold. He grasps his arm massaging it, watching the color slowly return. Patton prepares for an argument but is instead met by a soft hand on his shoulder turning him away from Liam. He looks up to meet Logan's eyes, the fiery pit washed over by a calm wave. “Patton,” He says, Patton understands and they begin walking away.

“Thank you” Logan nods. They walk side by side through the courthouse, reaching a more secluded area Logan stops. Patton does the same, Logan faces Patton examining the be-speckled man. “Lo?” Patton wonders softly, Logan shifts turning his attention towards him. Patton instinctively backs up into the wall, he's not afraid but it's just something left over.

“I brought you coffee and a pastry” Logan informs, Patton tilts his head. He lifts his hands showing that he did indeed buy Patton a pastry and coffee. Patton lets out a small laugh, taking the food happily. “I hope it is satisfactory,” Logan says. Patton giggles smelling the coffee.

“It's great! I forgot to eat this morning so this is perfect” Patton compliments. Logan feels the heat rising in his face, a light tint of pink. They continue walking, Patton opens the bag revealing a vanilla cupcake. He pauses once more, feeling himself space out.

~~~

“Cupcake?” Liam asks, Patton looks up to see his partner returning home. He smiles at him, quickly returning his focus to the baby he cradles in his hand. Remus snores peacefully in his arms, something Patton would come to miss in the coming years. Liam approaches with a look of disdain, eyeing the baby as though it might do something horrible.

“How was work?” Patton asks not looking up from Remus little face. He wishes he could stay like this forever, his perfect angelic face, the way his eyes flutter open every few moments. Liam grunts throwing his stuff on the couch.

“It was fine...I have a stupid project I must do or my boss will fire me” Liam informs, Patton gives him an apologetic look.

“I'm sorry,” Patton says, Liam bites his lips watching Patton with the baby. Patton notices and lifts the baby. “Do you want to hold him?” He inquires softly, Liam stares for a moment before shaking his head.

“I'll just have someone do the project for me,” Liam says completely ignoring Patton's question, he feels his heart sink a bit. “If it sucks they take the fall if it's great I get the credit”

~~~

“Cupcakes aren't pastries” Patton mumbles, his eyes go wide “He didn't do it!” He exclaims, Logan feels Patton grab his shoulders and stare at him with his shining eyes. “He didn't do it! He's taking the fall! Logan, my clients innocent!” As if at this moment, he finally believes it.

~~~

Virgil swore he would never pull his gun on anybody but criminals and lowlife. But at this moment? It was very tempting. His hand flew to his holster as he walks into the courthouse seeing Liam stand by the reception area. The man turns, his eyes falling onto Roman and Virgil who glares back.

“You...son of a beech” Roman mutters, Virgil begins picking at his fingers fidgeting wildly. They walk towards him, Liam smiles mischievously.

“If it isn't Ronan and Virgin” Liam greets, Roman flings his hand towards Virgil holding him back instinctively. Virgil growls deeply at Liam, Roman keeps his hand on him not wanting a scene in his courthouse.  

“You know what? I'm going to arrest him” Virgil declares, Roman makes no comment he simply stares. Virgil wasn't kidding, he removes the handcuffs from his side and gestures for Liam to around. Liam furrows his brows, waiting for the punchline.

“You're abusing your power, detective” Liam comments.

“Like you abused Patton?” Roman blurts, Virgil turns to him eyes wide. Something in Liams expression changes as he turns to face Roman now, he almost looks hurt but that quickly morphs into something beyond anger.

“You s-” He moves forward but Virgils too quick, he places himself in between Roman and Liam.

“One wrong move and I will actually arrest you” Virgil warns. He might be absolutely vibrating on the inside but he meant it. Liam eyes him for a moment before recoiling, Virgil nods. Virgil turns back to Roman who now watches a spot intently on the floor. “You good?” He asks. Roman looks up grounding himself as he focuses on Virgil.

“Fine” He looks over Virgil to Liam “Just would rather not have him here” Roman shuffles uncomfortably. Virgil ponders for a moment before smirking. “What?” Roman huffs, he continues smirking “No, absolutely not”

“Why” Virgil whines “Come on, you want him out of here, I want him out of here, I’m sure Patton wants him out of here”  Virgil pleads, sure enough, Patton appears with Logan by his side.

“Patton wants what?” He asks Roman gives him an encouraging smile. He tilts his head before spotting Liam. “He’s still here?” He sighs.

“Yes, I am,” Liam remarks, he forces himself back into the conversation staring at Patton now. Virgil and Roman become on high alert, barricading themselves, while Logan places a protective hand on Patton's arm. It's delicate, it doesn't hurt. “Patton I would like to speak to you” Liam requests, making a trying effort to not look in the direction of the others.

“Why would he waste his breath talking to you?” Virgil snipes, Liam chuckles his raspy voice echoing through the foyer. Patton exhales sharply.

“I think we are going to go now” Patton informs, Roman and Virgil nod turning towards the now timid lawyer. Logan and Patton share a glance before they begin walking away. But alas, Virgil can't stride away without one final comment.

“Virgil” Roman warns, but Virgils not listening.

“If you ever come near him again” Virgil's voice is orotund. He points an accusing finger at Liam, the man might be taller but Virgil is pissed off. “I will not hesitate to reopen my case on you and put you away, do you understand?” Liam glares but he knows exactly what Virgil means. He takes a step back eyeing Virgil one last time before walking away. The swift bang of the door shutting washes over Virgil in relief.

“You should reopen the case anyway” Roman suggests half-heartedly. Virgil chuckles, before pulling out his phone and showing it to Roman. He marvels at the text smiling approvingly. “How?”

“I was a very secretive texter in school, and Remys always got the case ready to go...just in case” Virgil responds, he's not going to lie, the look of astonishment planted on the judge's face definitely left a sense of pride in the detective.

[onewaywardwitch]

Just A Typo (2/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Hacker!Reader

Summary: It was a simple challenge between a very competitive group of friends. A challenge that ended very differently than anticipated.

Warnings: Just a bit of language

Word Count: 2140

A/N: Ahhh the feedback on part 1 was amazing! Thank you all so much! Here’s part 2!

There are moments in your life when you know you’ve screwed up. Like when you decide to try the new Starbucks coffee, only to realise it’s as horrible as you predicted, and you’ve wasted €5. Or when you spend all night binge-watching some show on Netflix when you know you’ve got to get up early for work the next morning. Or when you agree to hack into one of the world’s best security systems to fuel your own ego and diminish your friend’s one. And while I've found myself in the first two situations many times, the third was a new one for me.

“I promise to visit you at least once a month when you get sent to Alcatraz,” Becca sang as she all but skipped into Angie’s apartment to join the rest of us. I laughed sarcastically.

“Sent to Alcatraz for hacking? Crime expectations must be low lately if they’re sending hackers there.”

“I’m sure Tony Stark has some pull in the government to get you put away there. You know, when you get caught,” she gloated. It was obvious she thought I was heading down the same route as Sophie. Her confidence only made me want to prove her wrong even more.

Angie ignored our seemingly never-ending banter and carried on setting up my laptop and other work necessities.

“I still don’t understand why you have to have a pack of Haribo with you every time you do something illegal,” she sighed, glaring at me as I stood with Becca.

“Well it’s just common sense, Angie. I can’t have chocolate, it’ll get all over my hands. Biscuits leave crumbs everywhere and hot chocolate is a recipe for disaster,” I replied, keeping my face as straight as I could.

“No, I don’t get why you need sweets at all!”

“That’s a stupid question. You always need sweets. We can’t all live off boiled vegetables and whole-grain everything.”

Angie just looked at Becca in defeat, who shrugged her shoulders.

“Hey, if I get the job done, who cares what I eat?” I strutted over to the table that had my laptop on it. Unfortunately, my confident walk did nothing to ease my nerves as my friends watched on eagerly.

 ~~~~~

“Becca, I swear to Thor if you breathe on my neck again, I’ll break yours,” I snapped. Becca and Angie shared a nervous glance while I typed furiously, the lines and lines of code beginning to make me dizzy.

“Y/N, you’ve proven your point. Your brilliant. A mastermind. A true gift to the hacking community. You can quit now, it’s alright.” Becca was beginning to regret ever provoking me when she saw how much more advanced Stark’s system was compared to the systems we would normally attack for a laugh.

I could sense Angie about to open her mouth when the screen suddenly went blank and the three of us froze where we were; Becca leaning over my shoulder, Angie holding her third cup of herbal tea, and me with jelly rings on each of my extremely tired fingers.

The screen flashed once, before several different boxes popped up. It took each of us about seven seconds to realise we were looking at the feed from the security cameras placed around Avengers Tower.

“Holy shit,” whispered Angie.

“I am the greatest and I’m completely unappreciated in my time,” I grinned, my eyes flickering from each small screen.

“IS THAT BLACK WIDOW?”

“Agh! Becs, inside voice please.” Becca refused to acknowledge my complaint. Her gaze was fixated on the image of the Natasha Romanoff eating what I guessed was-

“A poptart! I have those all the time, we’re practically soulmates!” Becca exclaimed.

As Angie tried to explain to Becca that her comment was only a bit unrealistic, I gazed at each of screens on my laptop. Who would have thought that the Falcon would be spending his day holding something shiny while running away from a very angry, one-armed Winter Soldier? Or that Hawkeye drinks milk straight from the carton and puts it back in the fridge when no one’s looking?

Just as Becca started to talk about the Black Widow’s hair (“I could never pull off the red like she does!”), the laptop flashed black, before more lines of code began popping up again.

“Oh shit, we’re busted. Angie, gummy bear, now,“ I demanded, quickly returning to my state of concentration (which was difficult after seeing Captain America lifting weights). Angie grabbed the bag and put one of the bears in my mouth, only for me to spit it out in disgust.

“Not a yellow one, a red! I'm not a monster,” I yelped before turning back to the task at hand. Nervously chewing on the nicest flavoured gummy bear, I attempted to keep up with Stark’s excellent security.

“Make sure you can’t be traced. Keep the IP address hidden and get out,” I heard Angie mutter behind me. After a couple of minutes, I felt myself relax, watching the screen change to my regular background of the Supernatural cast.

“We are out and I’m going to go down in history as the greatest hacker that ever existed.” I spun in my chair, grinning at the girls as my confidence rose again. “I just hacked into Avengers Tower, admired Captain America’s incredibly toned body for a bit, before successfully leaving without giving away my location or any way for them to trace me. How was that for you Becca?”

She looked at me, a small smile growing on her face. “I'm impressed, Y/N. Shame Sophie’s not here so you could gloat to her too, but that was pretty awesome.”

“I can’t believe you pulled that off,” Angie said admirably, her herbal tea long forgotten on the nearby countertop. I winked at her and held out the nearly empty bag of Haribos.

“Yellow gummy bear anyone?”

 ~~~~~

Tony Stark was busy doing nothing in his lab with Dr Banner when F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced that someone was hacking into their system.

“Well what are you waiting for F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Flush ‘em out. And get their location.”

“Sir, they’ve already broke down our firewalls and accessed our cameras.”

That caught Tony’s attention. He looked at Bruce confusedly before again telling F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get whoever it was out of their system using whatever means necessary. As the A.I. was occupied with that, he called all the Avengers to the briefing room.

 ~~~~~

“Barnes, if you could stop murdering Wilson with your eyes for just five minutes so we can start?”

Bucky turned and aimed his glare at Tony instead, still scowling that Sam had somehow managed to steal his arm for nearly half an hour. That man knew all the best hiding places in this tower.

Tony rolled his eyes and clapped his hands together, deciding to get straight to the point. “Nothing to worry about, but someone hacked into the tower and accessed all of the cameras. We don’t know who or why, but F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s nearly got a location, I think.”

The uproar was immediate.

“I thought your security was the best there is!”

“How long have they been watching us?”

“What else have they hacked into?”

Tony grimaced as all the voices overlapped and became louder. His embarrassment that some computer nerd cracked his online defences was obvious from the lack of his usual playful tone and he wasn’t in the mood for messing about now. He opened his mouth but before he could speak, F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice rang through the room, effectively shutting everyone up.

“Sir, I believe I have the location of the hacker. It appears they made a slight typing error when concealing their IP address.”

“A typo? Rookie mistake,” Sam mumbled.

“That ‘rookie’ managed to hack into all our cameras pretty quickly,” Bruce stated, looking at Sam pointedly.

“Okay, Cap, take your brooding boyfriend in the corner and bring in whoever it is. It's nowhere near any known HYDRA bases, so my guess? A group of boys hiding out in one of their mom’s basements. Shouldn’t be too difficult.” Steve nodded at Tony and made his way over to Bucky while everyone else left the room, still discussing the infiltrator who was able to beat the great Tony Stark.

 ~~~~~

Steve looked around the apartment in surprise. This was definitely not what they were expecting. The place was clean and lacked any personal touches. That is, if he weren’t including the many Funko Pop figures that were scattered seemingly at random throughout the apartment. He moved towards the laptop that was laying carelessly on the kitchen table.

“Just talked to the landlady,” Bucky said, gesturing towards the front door where a woman in her mid-fifties stood excitedly, trying to catch a glimpse of the great Captain America. Bucky waved his flesh hand at her, hoping she’d get the message to leave them alone. Fortunately for him, one of the neighbours came out and started complaining to her about the thin walls. That made her run off quickly.

“Apartment is owned by a woman in her late twenties, early thirties. She asked to be kept off the books, and your admirer back there had no problem with that because she always paid her rent on time and by cash.”

“Does she have any idea where she could be now?” Steve asked, closing over the front door again so they wouldn’t raise any suspicions.

“She said she left around three hours ago, hopefully to get some food. Her fridge is empty. Except for a tub of ice-cream,” Bucky snorted.

They both stopped talking when they heard the rustling of keys just outside the door. Bucky went to stand beside Steve, who was back beside the laptop. He placed a hand over the gun he always carried in his trousers as the door opened. But he felt himself relax a bit when he heard a familiar tune.

“Is that… Queen?” Steve whispered as the woman began humming to herself. Natasha had taken it upon herself to educate the two veterans on all the music they had missed out on in the past seventy years, including Queen, Michael Jackson, and Adele. This was one of the few songs they actually recognised.

The woman stumbled into the kitchen, struggling to carry all the shopping bags she had tried to carry up in one trip. Her headphones were blaring Bohemian Rhapsody loud enough for the two men to hear clearly. They shared a look of surprise as she still hadn’t noticed them standing a few feet behind her.

 ~~~~~

“But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away,” I sang quietly to myself as I restocked my fridge. I was still on a high from my incredible success with Becca and Angie only a few hours ago. We were going to celebrate with Angie’s cheap champagne, before Becca realised she was about two hours late for work. I left shortly after her to buy more ice-cream, which quickly turned into buying half the grocery store.

“Mama, oooo- OH WHAT THE FUCK!” My dramatic spin while singing didn’t end as well as I had planned. I wasn’t exactly prepared for the two super soldiers who stood by my table, watching me with humour. I tugged my headphones out of my ears and stared at them dumbstruck.

“Captain America… wow such an honour… you’re very… wow. And the Winter Barnes! Oh god, there’s a ‘soldier’ in there somewhere, isn’t there? Very, very… broad.” My voice died off towards the end as the word came out of my mouth too quickly for me to recognise them. The Captain’s eyes sparkled in amusement, while the Winter Soldier was looking at me with interest. He failed to see how this woman caused Stark so much concern.

Captain America opened his mouth to speak, but at that exact moment I coped why two Avengers were standing in my apartment.

“Oh, this is about the whole Avengers Tower thing, isn’t it? The camera, the hacking… I'm not evil! I wasn’t planning on accessing any confidential information and selling it! I don’t do that, I was just messing with friends, I swear!” Apparently, I had lost all control over my own mouth and I confessed to everything without either of the men saying a word. They glanced at each other before Captain Rogers turned back to me.

“You understand we need to bring you in anyway. We have questions you need answer back at the tower.”

I nodded nervously at the pair as they escorted me downstairs to where a car was waiting outside, the Soldier bringing my laptop with him.

“This explains why Nora was in such a good mood when I passed her on the stairs earlier,” I thought to myself. “She never smiles when I pay her my rent, but one visit from America’s golden boy has her skipping to her door!”

[denouemwnt]

badass batmom

you can also read it in AO3!

pairing: bruce wayne x batmom x batfam

warnings: swearing, angst, violence, miscarriage.

summary: Bruce’s got hurt while fighting against the Joker, who just kidnapped your sons, Tim and Damian. While the other kids are trying to end the chaos the villain is causing in Gotham City, it is up to you to save your boys... But will you leave a trauma from the past aside to save them?

words: 3207

A/N: I really love the Batmom stories the amazing authors on Tumblr write, I think I read all stories when I had my other blog (and certainly I’m re-reading everything again!). I got really inspired by them and decided to try to write one story that was in my mind for a long time. I’m not as good as these talented writers but let’s try and see where it goes. Oh, and Y/V/N is your ‘vigilante’ name.

(you can see my masterlist here!)

________________________________________________________________

Another sleepless night. You are living a hard period of your life when you even can’t do your favorite thing in the world: sleep. Maybe you need to be aware if something happens; there is always a possibility when your kids and husband are fighting crime on the streets.

This “hero” thing turned out very difficult to you. When Bruce said about Dick being his sidekick you didn’t agree for the first time. He had a very brilliant idea to put your child on the streets to fight crime. It’s not something a normal father would do.

When you saw Dick training with his father you knew that he would be an amazing Robin. And he was. This happened to all your kids and soon you realized you couldn’t stop them from doing something they liked because of a trauma of the past.

Only Alfred and Bruce know what happened. You never felt ready to tell the whole family about that period of your life, you never had the courage for it.

Because you can’t sleep, you go to one of the most peaceful places on the manor: where you make your beautiful paintings. The idea of capturing images with your own hands always made you relax since you were a kid.

You walk to pick up the new and small canvas you bought last week to put delicately on the easel. When you were about to catch the paint-brush you hear a nervous knock at the door. You turn around to see your oldest son, Richard, still wearing his Nightwing suit, but without the mask.

“Something happened, dear?” Something bad happened, you can see through his eyes.

“It’s Bruce… He- he got hurt pretty badly.” He says to you waiting for any reaction.

Your mouth tries to form words but all your mind can think of is what you just heard. What if something else happened?

Dick sees how shocked you are and leads you to where his father is.

You walk with quick steps to the cave to see your husband being stitched up by Alfred. There are new (and deep) cuts in his body. You feel tears falling through your cheeks and get closer to him.

“He is going to be ok, Mom.” He reassures you and puts his mask again, exiting the cave.

Soon the butler gives you some space, finishing stitching the last cut and going back to the house.

“What- what the hell happened to you?” You stop in front of Bruce and carefully hug him. Your heart slowly breaks from seeing how hurt he got.

“Right now, it doesn’t matter what happened to me, Y/N.”  He kisses your forehead and takes your hand in his.

“What do you mean? Something else happened? Are the kids ok?” You take a step back, still with your hand in his, and look at him waiting for answers.

“Joker got Tim and Damian. Dick and Jason are taking care of him while I’m recovering, yet I don’t know if they are going to get their brothers in time.”

“What?”

You can’t believe he did it again, that he had the audacity to touch your kids again after all the suffering he already brought to your family. And getting Bruce hurt like that? He is going to certainly regret bringing so much pain to your loved ones.

You are not going to wait until one of your boys put The Joker behind bars at Arkham. You are the one who is going to do it, after getting Tim and Damian from his dirty hands.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t risk your life at the streets fighting crime anymore like your family does.

You promised yourself you would never wear that suit again.

This is a different situation. You need to do this.

And you are going to do it.

“Bruce… I am going to get our boys back.” You quickly kiss his cheek and go to the tiny secret place where only Alfred, Bruce and you know, where your old suit is.

You begin dressing it and the memories from the time when you used to protect Gotham fill your head. While being Y/V/N in the past you felt so good knowing what you did to help the city.

After you are fully dressed, steps are heard behind you and a hand is put carefully on your shoulder when you turn around to be face-to-face with your husband.

“Are you sure about this, dear?”

“It’s hard to wear it and certainly it’s going to be harder to fight again remembering what happened. But that’s why I didn’t stop training, right? I need to help my family right now.” You sigh as he gets closer to you.

“You are a very brave woman, Y/N,” he kisses me. “And I love you.”

“I love you too, Bruce.”

_____ 

When Damian opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was his own face.

The walls were full of mirrors, with strange shapes and sizes.

He counted ten armed men inside the room, but no sign of the Joker. If he was right and he probably where, he and Tim were just a distraction to lead Jason and Dick to the opposite side of the city.  

If he could only say to Alfred that they could handle these men... but his gadget was broken.

So was Tim’s.

“Robin, can you-” The Red Robin was interrupted by a scream and after it, a blackout.

What happened was something his father would do, but Bruce got hurt, and his older brothers didn’t act like that, Damian thought.

Damian and Tim only could hear grunts, kicks, and sounds of gunshots coming from the men and the supposed vigilante that was fighting with them. They quickly undid the knots on the ropes that were supposed to be hard to undo and started fighting with the remaining men.

That’s when the emergency lights lit the room – a little later than usual – while the three of them continued combating the Joker’s thugs and both of the batboys saw a woman fighting. She remembered them the way that their parents used to train together.

She moved discretely between the men and put them on the floor one by one, using advanced techniques of martial arts. If they didn’t see her, they would believe that a ghost was fighting with them because the vigilante was so quiet and careful. It isn’t possible that the woman may be their mother, right? Tim thought.

But when the only man that was still on his feet pointed two guns at the kids’ faces, her reaction was just too fast.

“Get. Away. From. Them.” And simply like that, he fell on the ground after the shock of her fist on his face.

“Mother?” They looked at her with amusement and surprise at the same time.

“Hey, boys.” Y/N hugged them. “Are you ok? Did one of those jerks hurt you?” She checked them for any bruises. 

_____ 

A few minutes earlier.

“Master Wayne just asked me to warn you about a new vigilante who is going to help you get Tim and Damian back,” Alfred says from the cave while seeing the images from the cameras around the place where the boys where.

The butler secretly smiles knowing that Y/N is back at her old business, proud that she decided to wear her suit again and fight for her family.

Alfred is the closest thing to a father figure for Y/N, just like he is for Bruce; however, there is a huge difference between the Bat and her: she actually has a family.

“Wait- what? Don’t tell me that Bruce adopted another kid! I don’t need help to save Tim, you know that already, Alfred.” Jason sighs and sits on his motorcycle to get to the building where his brothers are.

“And Damian.”

“Yeah, him too.” Jason rolls his eyes.

He is just tired of all this shit happening in Gotham. Some psycho makes some chaos, get caught, go to Arkham, escape, repeat. But now, deeply, it is kind of serious for him and he doesn’t need anyone to annoy him.

“Master Jason, you-” Todd turns off the gadget and starts driving to finish his mission as soon as possible.

Little he knew that Alfred was going to tell him that he could go back and help Dick.

When Jason arrives at the old building at the quiet street in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Gotham, Jason realizes it is too late.

Because Tim and Damian are already out of it with someone that is supposed to be the vigilante Alfred said. He has never seen that woman before and thinks that maybe she is some old Bruce’s affair, but there’s is something incredibly wrong. His brothers are smiling and they only smile when- oh no.

“What the hell?”

_____ 

The boys are still waiting for an explanation - especially when after you rescued Damian and Tim you received an invitation from The Joker himself -, but unfortunately, you can’t just go home and pretend that he isn’t around. You always have to put the others first, that was what your father always said to you when you were a child.

All of you stop in front of the abandoned construction he was supposed to be. When you prepare to enter it, two very short men dressed like clowns appear just behind you.

“Y/V/N, Mr. J said specifically that only you were invited.” And suddenly they disappeared.

Just like what happened that night, you thought.

You need to go there and face him alone again. Maybe Dick is there with him since no one can localize him. Maybe it is your chance to do what you should have done that night.

“Mom, are you sure?” Tim asks.

You nod and open the door.

The room was full of smoke, with a terrible smell and trash all over the place. You could see rats running on the floor and spider webs on the walls.

When the door closes behind you, Alfred starts talking about Dick.

“I was able to locate Nightwing, Y/V/N. He actually is not too far away from you, where Harley Quinn was found. Right now she is already in Arkham.”

You sigh with relief but it is soon replaced by anger when you see Joker.

“I knew you were still a kind of backup for the Batman, even after being so unprofessional after that night.” He smiles.

“What do you want from me?” You get closer to him.

“It is a pleasure to see you too, Y/V/N. Wow! We didn’t see each other for a long time, right? We have a lot to catch up!” He laughs.

That fucking laugh.

“Why are you doing this?” You take a few more steps closer.

“My explanation is not important at the moment.” He starts walking around you. “You are the star of the show today, my dear! How have you been after that little accident? I mean, it’s been a long time and I haven’t seen you after that!”

“Little?” You say sarcastically and sigh. “You know what you did to me. It wasn’t a little accident.”

“If you think with me, it was indeed a little accident, because the baby bat was so small I didn’t even notice.” And he shows me, the walking stick.

“Shut the fuck up or I will kill you right now!” You scream, pulling out all the anger you kept inside all these years.

“Oh, wow! Now I know why you don’t hang out with Batman anymore. Not really his type.” He makes a fake sad face and shows you a little stuffed bat. “Look what I found! That baby would have made a really good Robin.”

That was the limit.

You punched him right in the nose that started bleeding really badly. He started laughing and tried to hit your head with his walking stick, but you bowed down at the same time, so he decided to throw the stick away and grab one of his knives.

The Joker tried to stab your chest but you quickly held his arm, kicked him on the floor and picked up the knife from his hand. You were about to immobilize him when he pushed you at the wall and stabbed your lower belly.

“The baby dying inside you.” He smiled.

You were with so much anger that you didn’t even felt the blade cut your skin deeply when you took it out of you. He turned around to grab that fucking walking stick and you stabbed him in the back.

“Not fair at all.” He grunted and fell on his knees.

You took the knife out and grabbed his arms to push it against his back.

The clown strikes his head in your nose and it’s time to yours to begin bleeding. He turned around and you punched his face, making him fall to the ground. You put your feet on his chest and pressed it a little bit.

Your boys get in the room and look at you surprised one more time. Dick was about to say something when Joker’s laughter interrupts him and you interrupt the clown with another fist on his face.

“Gordon is on his way.” 

_____ 

Some years ago...

“It is going to be fine, Bruce. It will be my last mission, I promise.” You could see how nervous he was through his eyes, so you take his hands in yours, reassuring him that everything is going to be ok.

He sighs, finally letting go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Ok, baby. Even if you want to go on patrol with me after tonight, there’s a good chance that belly will stop you.” He genuinely smiles.

“Oh no, you didn’t say that.” A genuine smile escapes from your lips too. “No one can notice that there is a baby inside here, I’m sure he is going to be really small.”

Bruce gets closer to you and gives a really tight hug.

“She, Y/N.” He whispers.

You take a few steps back and put your mask, so does he.

“We are not discussing this again, Batman. Let’s go.”

“Ok, Y/V/N. Let’s go.”

A few minutes later, you and your fiancé arrive at the abandoned circus where Joker indirectly said he would be at.

But seconds before you make your entrance to confront the clown, two small men dressed just like the joker stop both of you.

“The Bat can’t enter.” They say at the same time. “Y/V/N, Mr. J said specifically that only you were invited.” And just like that, they disappear.

“Are you sure about this, Y/V/N?” You knew that if he wasn’t the Batman right now, he would get closer.

You nodded and discreetly went to the main entrance, it was supposed to be a door, but only some old curtains took its place. You walk through an empty hallway with some obscene drawings at the wall until your feet stop just before the stage of the old circus.

“Look who finally got here! The Y/V/N herself!” He took his hat off and revered to you as if he were polite enough to do that to someone.

“What do you want?” You cross your arms over your chest.

“To take you off from the Bat, of course! You just disturb my plans with him!” He laughs.

You felt that someone was right behind you and turned around to see one of his men. And soon you felt something you didn’t before, a needle on your neck.

How could you not feel that?

A few moments later you woke up on the ground of some dirty room. There was nothing keeping you up there, you were technically free if it wasn’t for the clown that appeared in front of you.

The Joker smiled and pointed to the door, where you could hear sounds of fighting that filled up the room. Bruce was here making his way to you.

You heard a metal crashing on the ground, it was his walking stick. You tried to get up but you couldn’t, it was certainly the thing that guy injected inside you.

No, please, this can’t be happening, you thought.

He got closer to you and started laughing; this sound was the only thing you could hear.

And then he hit you right thigh first.

You tried to get up again but your body was too weak, so tears began to fall on your cheeks as you waited for the worse. You screamed for help, it was the only thing that came out of your mouth. You tried to protect your belly with your arms and legs, but he hit it.

He hit it three times. Each one of them harder than the one before.

You wondered where Bruce was but soon you heard him still fighting, it was impossible for him to get you.

All you could do was beg him to stop.

Your baby, the only thing that came to your mind. Your poor baby. You were such a bad person, you thought. Why you decided to come here? Why? You felt blood getting out between your thighs. No, this can’t be happening.

Your baby died inside you and it’s your fault, you thought.

You killed your own baby.

And then Joker saw the blood and the shock on your face. 

“Oh no! You had a little Bat inside your smashed belly, didn’t you? Such a naughty girl, Y/V/N.” He laughed even more.

You were a monster.

You felt your baby’s blood on your body. In your mind, you heard him cry.

Because you always knew there was a little boy inside you.

But he is not a boy anymore; he is just blood on the floor.

It was your last mission, indeed.

_____ 

“So... That was what happened. I was young, dumb and really irresponsible.” You finish telling about that night to your boys. “I’m really sorry I haven’t told you about it before. It is something that haunts me until today.” You sigh.

“And it haunts me too.” Bruce holds your hand firmly and kisses it. “Your mother, Alfred I suffered for months. It is not easy to lose a child.” He looks at Jason, who turns his gaze to the other side of the living room.

“But in the end, we have four amazing kids and we are so grateful for having all of you here with us.” You smile at them.

“I hope that you plan on not having more adoptions on the way,” Jason says.

“Who knows?” Bruce says and they look at him in shock.

“You’re kidding right?” Tim asks seriously.

“Who knows?” There is your time to say it.

“C’mon, family hug!” Dick screams and it becomes a huge mess.

Feeling the arms of your family (even Alfred, he tried to escape discreetly but you got him) around you is something that makes you so happy after those dark days.

“I hate this.” Damian murmurs but holds them like he’s never done before.

After fifteen seconds hugging (that’s a record!), all of you manage to get out of the hug.

“Ok, so everyone to the table, we ordered pizza!”

________________________________________________________________

You can go to my masterlist to read more of my batmom series and my other batfam stories!

Feedback is always welcome ❤️

[megwritesfanfiction]

Wild Flowers - Jericho/Raven, Chapter 8/??

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I am not making a profit off of this.

Missed Previous Chapters? Here ya go! ;) Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

SORREL - Flower of Affection

The excitement of defeating Trigon had been quickly overshadowed by the reality of her new circumstances. The emotional freedom she craved came with the burden of having to process, identify, and deal with her feelings.

The option to repress and ignore was no longer available because of the excuse of Trigon was gone.

Raven couldn’t hide behind the excuse of father’s control.

So, when Jericho confessed he thought their biggest foe was his father, Raven found herself frozen in a cloud of unidentifiable emotions.

“It’s all most two o’clock in the morning.”

She released a heavy exhale at the sound of Robin’s voice behind her. Raven hadn’t realized she’d been outside with her thoughts for that long. “Okay.” She decided she wasn’t going to move until her thoughts and feelings were clearer; and after three hours sitting outside, she wasn’t any closer.

“Would you…” Robin started carefully as he approached her. “Like to talk about it?” He offered taking a seat next to her.

Violet eyes squinted as she worked hard to distance her emotions from him. “I don’t think I should.”

“Okay…”

“It’s not bad.” It was possibility catastrophic, bad an understatement. She looked away from him and focused her attention to the dark water.

Robin hung his head, shaking it with a knowing smirk. “You’re a horrible liar.”

“You’re cheating.”

“Actually,” he told her, leaning back on his palms. “I’d know without the bond. You looked away from me when you responded.”

Bastard.

“And your nose twitched.”

It did not. Raven tightened her jaw incase her face decided to betray her once more.

“Just did it again.”

“You’re annoying.”

Robin shrugged, unrepented. “But, I’m not wrong.”

Unfortunately, he wasn’t.

“Are you going to tell me?” He questioned.

“I think,” Raven had to make sure she worded this carefully. “I think I might have some information on Slade.” Her statement was false. The conversation she had with Jericho shed some new light about their enemy.

“How?!”

“I don’t know.” Lie. “I,” It wasn’t right to lie to Robin, but it was also unfair to betray Jericho’s confidence. “I got this weird sense of deja vu after the fight today that I can’t shake.”

“Like what? What did you remember?” Robin pushed.

Raven shrugged, uncomfortable with the lies she weaved. “It’s not a memory. I just feel like we don’t know the whole story. I think we’re missing some important facts.”

“Obviously,” he huffed, disappointed with her information. “We should have had him by now.”

“No,” Raven shook her head standing. She dusted off her leggings. “Why do you keep blaming Slade?”

“Well, he’s-“

“He’s not the root of all evil.” Raven stopped that rant before it even began. “From the information we already have on him, we know he’s a normal man-“

“A normal man transformed into some super soldier that has found a way to cause an extraordinary amount of damage.” Robin corrected feeling his anger spike.

Raven released a heavy exhale. “But why?” She questioned, waiting for Robin to give an answer.

Brows knit in confusion as he shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Exactly.” She nodded, walking toward the tower.

Raven pressed her ear and palm against the thick metal door as her eyes drifted closed in concentration. The gentle push of her empathy reached to the other side of the door as she tried to sense Jericho on the side. She normally didn’t use her empathy do locate her teammates and determine if they were asleep, but she needed to talk to the mute.

To do that, she needed to know if he was awake.

The door opened with a whoosh causing Raven to step back in surprise. Jericho stood in front of her, dressed only in dark red flannel pajama bottoms and curls frenzied. He tipped his head, signaling he to step inside.

How did you know I was out there? Raven wondered as she entered his room.

He gave her a small smirk as he sat on the bed. When you spend your life in silence, it’s amazing how much you hear. Jericho shrugged.

She nodded, timidly taking a seat next to him. Raven pulled her legs up sitting criss cross. “We need to talk.” She spoke softly, lips twisting.

We do. Jericho nodded seriously. I don’t want you to think I’m going to betray you guys.

We don’t think that.

He raised a skeptical as he stared at the empath. I think Robin is going to disagree.

We’re not telling Robin.

You’re right. Jericho nodded. I’m telling him tomorrow. I don’t have anything to hide about my past. Do I have regrets? Of course. He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair. But, I don’t feel any guilt. If anything, I’d just want to talk to him…

“Do you think,” She started carefully. You could face him? I mean, if it came down to it-

If he was threatening innocent lives, I wouldn’t have a choice. Jericho told her sadly. I couldn’t do anything about the circumstances of my childhood, but I’m older now. And, I won’t let his actions destroy another family.

Raven gave him a little nod, looking at him seriously. You know my father is a demon, right?

Jericho’s eyes widened. He knew her father was evil, but…

“Literally,” Raven clarified with a small smile. I’m half demon. My mother is human.

The mute wasn’t sure what to say, and it was times like this he was thankful for his silence.

I understand what it’s like for people to assume your worth because of your father. She told him, taking his face in her hands their eyes connecting. “You’re nothing like him.”

Jericho gently pressed his lips against the empath’s, curling his fingers in her hair. Okay.

Her eyes were heavy lidded and confused as they parted. Okay?

He released a silent a silent laugh, pulling wrapping his arms around her as he pulled he underneath his deep violet sheets. Placing a kiss to the top of her head, he nestled her back against his chest. His hands innocently dipping underneath her sweatshirt to touch her skin. Okay. Jericho repeated softly.

They’d deal with the future tomorrow.

[thewaywedo33]

Wynonna Earp 2X09 Thoughts and Faves

This week on Wynonna Earp, everything was super fine, there were no creepy dolls or paintings from right out of my nightmares, and all the girlfriends in Purgatory recognized what an amazing, special thing they have together, laying to rest their current conflict before anyone could do anything impulsive and ill-advised...J/K, this week was feelings hell.

Remember last week, when I went on and on about how sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons?  Well, this week we see that sometimes people also do the wrong thing for human reasons.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not interested in delving into what constitutes cheating, or what constitutes such an egregious line cross that a couple can’t come back from it. Ask a hundred people what their definition of cheating and their hard line is, and you’ll get a hundred different answers.  What I am interested in is how things come about, why people act the way they do, occasionally to their own detriment.  It was downright awful to watch Waverly kiss Rosita.  It was supposed to feel that way. Sometimes television reaches down into the depths of our hearts and gives it a tight squeeze. Sometimes that squeeze is joyful, sometimes it’s downright cruel, but it makes us feel.  Oh god, does it make us feel. When my heart breaks a bit for both sides of a pairing in a single moment, I know the writers have given me something human and so, so real.  

Part of the problem is, Waverly doesn’t know how to communicate her feelings well.  She tends to repress them, hide them beneath a wave and a smile, forcing herself to focus on how she should feel about something, rather than admitting how she truly does feel. Sometimes she reaches a boiling point and lashes out or does impulsive things. Note how in the opening scene she acts pretty casual about her fight with Nicole to Wynonna, when in reality she feels anything but casual about it.

(Random Important Gif is Important)

Instead of taking the time to cool off and then communicate with Nicole about how her actions made her feel and what they could do to recover from it, she let it fester and mix with her confusion and rage at the way her world is constantly shifting as aspects of her identity are ripped away.  

Don’t get me wrong, Nicole made an awful mistake last week, but during the first half of the episode Waverly was doing the thing that happens when someone you love hurts you, and everything starts to snowball in your head. In your frenzied anger, everything that person does is wrong and hurtful.  Nicole’s attentiveness and caring, things that Waverly actually craves, suddenly become controlling and overbearing.  So she runs from it.

And in the midst of her running and her swirling emotions, she makes an awful impulsive mistake born of confusion and despair.  But you know what my biggest takeaway from the moment was?  They didn’t wait for Waverly to find out Nicole’s life is in peril for the regret to come.  No, the regret was instant  She wasn’t off canoodling with Rosita, or grappling with some newly developed romantic feelings for her, only to find out tragic news, thus having some sort of panic-induced epiphany that she really does love Nicole. She knew it was wrong the second she pulled back, probably the second their lips touched.

Often times, in the midst of an awful spiral, it takes a flash point event to stop you in your tracks and make you ask yourself what the hell you’re doing, and realize this is not who you are and what you’re doing is definitely not what you want. The kiss was that moment for Waverly.  

I love that Rosita called bullshit on Waverly’s avoidance attempt at the end of the episode.  Because Waverly attempting to give Nicole space?  Yeah, classic avoidance. She tends to do it a lot.  Her name might as well be Welcome To Avoidance Earp.  Unless her anger forces something to the surface, or someone else takes the initiative to bring things up, she typically buries it.  It’s a big reason why Wynonna didn’t know what to ask forgiveness for in The Blade, and had such a poor understanding until recently just how terrible Waverly’s relationship with Willa was.  Sure, Wynonna can get wrapped up in her own stuff, and occasionally she’s a tad oblivious, but mostly, Waverly is just not good about communicating her feelings.  It’s a fascinating character flaw, and I hope we get to see growth from her in that department.

I think it’s also important to note that Champ was Waverly’s previous main romantic relationship. The dude has the emotional range of a potato.  We know they were on again, off again.  I don’t think it’s a big leap to assume whenever there was discord Waverly stayed away until she could bury whatever negative feelings she had.  Then they’d reunite, and she’d smile sweetly, as if everything was fine. Problem is, that’s not going to cut it with Nicole.  And it shouldn’t.  Nicole sees Waverly in a way Champ, and most other people for that matter, never could.  What they have deserves more.

It would be nice if we could make all our mistakes at opportune moments, when there’s all the time in the world to talk and work things out, but life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes our slip-ups come in the dawning moments of tragedy.  Sometimes they come just before life smacks us in the face and reminds us that everything could be gone in an instant, so you better figure your shit out.  Which is why it’s fitting that instead of Nicole opening the door to Waverly, she’s greeted by Hagatha Christie.  

My hope, once this current round of danger ends, is for Waverly and Nicole to have the open, honest, and messy heart to heart they need. The kind you have when you’re head over heels in love with someone.  I want Waverly to tell Nicole the truth about the kiss, she deserves that honesty.  Maybe Nicole needs some time apart to deal with it, maybe not.  And the truth is, Nicole needs to figure out how to communicate better with Waverly too.  Up until now she’s ceded all control in the relationship to Waverly, letting her set the pace and tone.  It was fair at the start, given the situation, but now they’re moving into the mature part of a relationship where both parties need to communicate clearly what their needs and desires are.

I might sound like a broken record, but Nicole and Waverly are going to come out of this stronger.  Look, Nicole has a brush with death to narrowly avoid, or maybe she actually dies for a little bit (it’s a Sci-Fi show, there’s a cure for that, my friends).  Either way, I truly love their relationship arc this season.  It’s been nuanced and three-dimensional; sweet and heartbreaking.  Take out the supernatural elements of the show, and it’s a story of two people who fell hard fast, and are now dealing with the difficulties of turning their fledgling relationship into a story of forever.  It’s hard, and they’re both going to mess up again, that’s life.  If there’s one thing I know for sure about love, it’s that keeping score of who’s right and wrong is a losing game.  All I care about is that they grow as individuals and as a couple.  The payoff potential is enormous, and you better believe I’ll throw my fists in the air and cheer when we get their first reciprocal I love you.

Okay, okay, I’ll stop beating that drum.  You know what else has been beating like a drum?  The repetition of angel references for Waverly. We get it show, it’s not random, ENOUGH. It could be the truth.  We’ve had several references to her dark edges and depths, but maybe it’s the flood light effect: everything outside the bright light area seems even darker in comparison.  It would make for an interesting development if Waverly’s human side is the one that harbors her darkness. But it’s also entirely possible the angel references are meant to show the stark contrast between how people sometimes perceive us versus reality.  Everyone sees Waverly as an angel, when in reality she believes she’s part demon.  And maybe she is.  Stay tuned.

Hey, you know who else keeps getting repetitious character traits mentioned?  This gal:

(Kat Barrell’s face is the only weapon of mass destruction I want to hear about these days)

Ms. pleat in her pants, boring cop, so naïve.  The comments have piled up all season long, there’s no way it’s random. Either there’s something in Nicole’s past that doesn’t jive with how people perceive her, or there’s something very not boring about her lineage.

How interesting that the location spell led Widow Mercedes to Nicole’s door.  I can’t decide what I think the most likely reason is.  Is Constance Clootie finally getting revenge on Waverly from beyond the grave for that time she smashed her son’s skull?  Sending death to her lovers door would certainly do the trick. I know the spell invoked Demon Clootie’s name and power, but it was Constance’s charred head on the map. Or maybe Nicole is not who we, or she, thinks she is.  Maybe there’s something about the house she lives in that’s connected to the curse, like how one of the seals was moved to Shorty’s.  So many possibilities, so few emotions left to process them.

Moving on to other parts of the episode.  I was pleasantly surprised by the maturity and character growth Wynonna displayed this episode.  She actually disclosed her plan to Doc and asked him for the ring, rather than divulging a half truth and just taking what she wants and/or needs.  Season One Wynonna probably doesn’t do that.

There were some damn harsh truths dropped between Wynonna and Doc in the Earp homestead, but I think the purge is ultimately a good thing.  It’s hard to fully have each other’s back when going into the fight of your life if you’re holding back resentments. They went for each other’s jugulars a bit, much like Waverly and Nicole, but unlike them, they were finally able to hear each other and come to an agreement that served to strengthen their bond.

It’s unfortunate that Wynonna’s plan won’t remotely work out the way she hopes it will, because it never does on a show like this. I’m glad she’s making an attempt to take control of the curse and dictate the terms, though. She’s been on a really nice progression all season long from merely acknowledging she’s good at being the heir, to taking ownership of the role. Never forget she’s the heir of this god damn curse, indeed.

The Revenant Rosita reveal was genius. In the season premiere I assumed she knew about Wynonna through Doc, but now we know she’s been well aware of every Earp heir through the years. While I do think she harbors some jealousy towards Wynonna concerning Doc, it’s so much more interesting that most of her trepidation stems from being a Revenant.  I’m glad Waverly is keeping her secret for now, and I hope Rosita has the opportunity to tell Wynonna the truth herself, and that Wynonna surprises her with acceptance.

Tucker Gardner, see you never.  I’m glad Widow Beth ate his MRA poster ass.  Everything about him was terrifying and all too real.

I love that Jeremy is playing the foil to Doc’s straight man. He has just the right mixture of naïveté, optimism, and intelligence to pull it off.  And for the love of god, could Dolls please show him how to properly load a magazine? Watching him fumble around with the bullets in the car was painful. I can see how he failed his firearms test three times.

Why oh WHY did this episode have to combine two things that freak me the f*ck out?  Creepy dolls (thank you to my older sister for torturing me with a picture of Chucky when I was a kid) and creepy paintings (thank you Ghostbusters II).  Maybe y’all can just stick with the red-eyed Revenants?  No?  Okay, cool.

Mattie! I loved the short amount of time we got with the blacksmith in Season One, so I was psyched to see her in the preview.  Nicole is going to be in a pretty bad physical way, and a white healing witch who’s supposed to be dead just happens to be at the hospital?  Huh.  Maybe it’s all connected to Nicole.  Crazy Conspiracy Alert(!): Constance had the spell send Widow Mercedes to Nicole knowing Mattie would have to come out of hiding to save her, because Constance herself needs Mattie’s magic to make her decapitated, pickled, ass whole again.  I can’t wait to be horribly wrong! Making terrible guesses is fun!

Petition for someone in Purgatory to have a spell that gives Mercedes her face back.  Dani Kind is far too great an asset to lose once her Widow form is defeated.  Also, I want to see Widow Mercedes and Bobo interact in the present time, because how freaking delicious would that be?

1X09/2X09 Parallels Galore. In 1X09 Waverly reels from having Shorty’s ripped away from her, tries to walk her way out of town to deal with/avoid her feelings on it, until Nicole threatens her with a good time (her taser), her temper then boils over at Nicole, but she later goes to the police department to make things right/physically launch herself at Nicole’s face.  It was also a heavy Doc and Wynonna interaction episode that ended with them burying Constance Clootie up to her neck.  In 2X09 Waverly is reeling from having her lineage ripped away from her, actually leaves town with Rosita, boils over at Nicole a lot, and ends the episode with the intention of going over to Nicole’s to make things right/physically launch herself at her face.  Doc and Wynonna have another heavy interaction episode and ultimately SHOOT A LIFE-SIZED DOLL IN THE FACE.

That’s all for now folks.  Let’s be good to our cast and show runner, ourselves, and each other okay?  Put your faith in love, and let’s see how everything shakes out come season end.  

I can’t wait for the final three episodes.

[twopedalpushers]

Travel Update #7

The End of the Road - A Reflection

About 18 months ago I pinned a world map to my bedroom wall in North Wales. I had wanted to travel for a while, I didn’t take a gap year between my studies and went tirelessly from school to college to university to a few years of full time employment without a break. Long story short, I was bored, craved adventure and happened to be middle class and privileged enough to be able to quit my job, sell my possessions and go on a big walkabout.

18 months ago I had little idea as to where I wanted to go. I didn’t know what kind of experience I wanted to have. I didn’t put much thought into how these experiences would shape the person that I am today. I remember when I sat in front of that big world map with Max and drew a crude line through Central & South America in a dried up red whiteboard marker and first discussed the idea of travelling that line by bicycle.

Since then, I’ve travelled 4000km in 6 months, over 4 countries and two continents - all by bike. I changed location nearly everyday. My bicycle weighed more than I did. Most days I woke up at 5am, cycled around 70km and climbed over 2000m of elevation. I repeated this routine day after day. I got to enjoy the true beauty, magnitude and power of the Andes. I learnt a new language. I got fit and lost 8 kgs in the process. I discovered a love for particularly awful reggaeton and garishly patterned shirts.

Away from the pace of my normal life in the UK; I was anticipating that I would learn a little more about myself. Naively before I spun my pedals for the first time back in Costa Rica, I thought I would be learning about light hearted subject matter, such as the kind of company that I would like to work for upon my return to London.

What I didn’t know back then was that cycling in this relentless manner strips you to your absolute core!

What I learnt most about was how I cope with extreme fatigue, pressure and exhaustion (the answer is not so well!) And that I have a tendency to jump headfirst into challenges without thinking too deeply about what they entail. In hindsight, it was an incredibly insane decision to cycle through the longest mountain range on the planet having never cycle-toured before in my life. I hadn’t even owned a geared bike since I was about 10 years old.

I have no regrets about any of this and despite finding the trip the most exhausting holiday of all time, I highly, highly recommend cycle-touring! Every ounce of effort that I put into cycling; I was rewarded with breathtaking views and dramatic scenery. Reaching a milestone or a border crossing was emotional as I had spent days, weeks or months and literally climbed mountains to get there.

Cycle-touring pushed the boundaries of my mental and physical endurance and I now feel confident in my ability to accomplish any challenge that life throws at me. Not a lot (in my opinion) can be harder than cycling my 70kg bike up 10% gradient hills in the rain all day everyday (yes I’m talking about you, Ecuador).

I spent so much time outdoors with so few possessions that I have a new found appreciation for small luxuries such as a sleeping in a comfy bed, wearing clean clothes and taking baths whenever I please.

The slow nature of travelling by bicycle is awe-inspiring. I know in detail entire stretches of the countries that we crossed and I have a deep understanding of how both the landscape and culture shift with this progression. I saw the big, glitzy cities and the stark, poverty stricken reality of the locals lives outside of them. This is something I never would have seen travelling by bus from one tourist hotspot to another. We spent so much time in each country that after a while, they started to feel like home.

I know that my experience cycle-touring will be something that I remember for the rest of my life and mentally revisit whenever I want to feel inspired.

Two months ago I woke up everyday with little idea as to where I would be sleeping that night and had the freedom to go wherever I pleased. My world was so big! Fast-forward to now and my world encompasses my parents house and a few kilometres surrounding it. This shift has been a huge mental challenge for me. I spent a lot of time whilst on the trip thinking about all of the amazing places that I would soon be visiting, so its been hard accepting that I will no longer be cycling the Peru Divide or through the Salt Flats in Bolivia or the Atacama Desert in Chile. Unfortunately, a few weeks after returning to the UK, me and Max split up, so I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that the person that I shared my cycle-touring experiences with, will not be part of my life going forwards.

After spending 6 months on the move, in lockdown I have started to discover that there is elegance in staying still. Travel is really just a means of filling your life with distractions - albeit new, picturesque and adventurous ones.

In the quietness of the past couple of months, I’ve learnt more about who I am and what I want out of life than during my entire trip. This time that we have for introspection and self improvement at the moment is priceless. It’s something that can’t be bought with a plane ticket and a bicycle.

I thought I would round off my blog with a some of my favourite, memorable moments. Im not sure how relevant these will be for you guys (sorry!) I just wanted to write them all down somewhere so that I don’t forget!

Here goes:

Looking down on Medellín, Colombia from high up in the mountains, lit up in the darkness. I had spent 12 hours cycling uphill that day to get there. Then spent an hour and a half descending. My hands ached the next day from holding my brakes- thats how steep it was.

Everyone applauding a beautiful sunset on the beach in Salvador, Brazil.

Swimming in the sea around the San Blas islands in Panama and seeing dolphins under the water. 

Cycling up to a viewing point in Jacó, Costa Rica. Looking down on the bay and the jungle beneath and seeing a flock of red parrots fly above the rainforest canopy.

Cycling through Cotopaxi National Park in Ecuador and camping near Volcán Cotopaxi. 

Getting soaked to the bone by the tropical storms everyday in Costa Rica and Panama. Attempting to dry out my shoes every night became a ritual.

The importance of always having a supply of peanut butter and the joy of finding a rare jar in a supermarket. It was like gold dust. 

Camping on Lauras floor in Popayán, Colombia.

Limonada all day everyday in Colombia. 

Seeing sloths in Manuel Antonio National Park, Costa Rica.

Arriving into the town of Salento, Colombia and cycling up a hill so steep that people in the town clapped and cheered once I reached the top. 

Getting my bike stuck in the mud after a storm in San Onofre, Colombia. The bus drove past and refused to let us on because both us and our bikes were so muddy. We were stranded.

Helados everyday in Ecuador.

The pure joy of finding pasta sauce (not ketchup) in a supermarket. This was also like gold dust.

Camping next to waterfalls at Cascadas Condor Machay, Ecuador.

Getting my scuba diving license in Coveñas, Colombia.

Camping on a volleyball pitch near Alausí, Ecuador.

Crossing the bridge of the Americas in Panama and completing the Central American section of the trip.

Cycling to our highest altitude - 40009m above sea level in Ecuador.

The smell of rotting animals that had been hit by cars on the Panamericana in Panama.

Seeing the Champions Parade at the Sambadromo in Rio de Janeiro during Carnival.

How beautiful the cycle route was during the 3/4 day journey into Medellín, on an abandoned road.

Swimming in Guatapé Lake, Colombia.

Experiencing a Colombian black hairdressers (to get my hair re-braided). Damn they’re loud.

How near the end of the trip, getting chased by dogs was such a regular occurrence that it didn’t bother me anymore.

Seeing crocodiles sunbathing next to a river in Costa Rica 

The cycle into Baños, Ecuador, near Volcán Tungurahua.

Camping in an old lady’s garden in Colombia because we had run out of time that day to get to the next town. She lived in a wooden shack, with a dirt floor and slept in a hammock.

Blocos at Copacabana beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, during Carnival.

Looking out across endless misty fields of frailjones, in El Angel National Park, Ecuador.

[wrestlewriting]

#91 [Adam Cole]

Requested, #91: “Tell me you need me.” (Prompt from here.)

@superkixbaybay @hiitsmecharlie @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @valeonmars @bulletbaybay @pjanina13

The way his hands felt as they glided down from your ribs to your hips, before moving back up the same path, taking your shirt with them…it was a feeling you knew you’d never be able to forget.

He was so light in his touch, yet so confident. Hot, yet distant. Your skin developed bumps as he left his hands gently against your ribs, just below your bra, his nails biting into your skin just ever so slightly.

Some things never changed.

The last time he’d been this close to you, this intimate, was about five months ago. That had been the last night you’d spent together. And the next day you’d told him you were ending the relationship, in no uncertain terms, and walked out of his house.

It had been a classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’...except it was genuine. You had been younger than he when you met, and he already had his life goals set. You had no idea what you were doing; no career path, taking random college classes, working as a secretary at a hair salon. So, you let yourself get caught up in his world, making sure your schedule always fit around his, ditching your friends to be with him when he was home from the road.

While everyone saw an issue with your behavior after a few months, it took you well over a year before you understood what the concerns were. You’d been sitting alone in your apartment, and hadn’t been able to locate a sweater you wanted to wear. You realized it was probably at his house. And then you noticed how few of his items were at your place. It was such a small, trivial thing really, but it had hit you like a ton of bricks all the same.

This relationship wasn’t equal.

So after one last night together, for your own purely selfish reasons, you told him in the morning you had to go. That you didn’t want to be with him anymore, and you needed to be on your own.

The look on his face was one you’d never forget.

Contact between the two of your since then had been minimal. A couple run ins while out at familiar haunts, but nothing substantial. Those few times when your eyes had met, you had felt awkward and awful. While he gave you barely any facial expressions, you knew the look in his eyes well enough to know he wasn’t happy.

Which brought you to tonight. This night had found both of you invited to the same birthday party at a bar for a mutual friend. Per usual, you’d kept your distance from each other, your eyes unintentionally catching each other’s at random. One of you always looked away. But as more alcohol came and went, your gazes began to stay together, longer and longer, until you were sitting beside each other at the bar.

It hadn’t been nearly as weird as you thought it would be to be so near him again. The alcohol was most likely to thank for that. You easily fell back in to comfort and familiarity and routine; talk turning to laughter turning to flirting. You’d caught up with each other: him updating you on his wrestling career, you telling him about your new job working at a daycare/pre-school. Everything seemed…normal.

But it wasn’t.

And now you found yourself in a dark corner of a back parking lot, Adam’s mouth attached to yours, hands gripping and sliding and enjoying each other’s bodies. It was not your nature to be engaged in such a public display, but every part of you wanted every part of him as close as possible at that moment.

You knew you were playing with fire. You had no idea what he was expecting out of his encounter, if it would be a one-night-relapse, or a jumping off point to more. Your reunion inside…it felt like there was an unspoken ‘I miss you’ hanging between you both. But was it missing just the physical portion, or the emotional too? This could end up just being a big mistake.

His mouth left yours, to go down to your neck, and he pressed himself harder against you as he did so. Your hand tightened on his shoulder, your body arching into his, with your other hand clasped onto his hip to hold him to you.

“Tell me you need me.”

Your breath caught in your throat, your heart stuttering at his murmured words against your skin.

There was barely a moment of hesitation, before you moved back just enough to tell him his words had an effect. But it probably wasn’t the effect he wanted. Adam lifted his head, looking at you, appearing almost surprised as he realized what he’d stated, and how it could be taken. However, his expression quickly changed to nothing.

“I don’t.”

Once he processed your words, he let go of you entirely, taking a step back, putting inches between your bodies.

“What?”

“I don’t…need you, that is,” you reiterated. “I want you, though.”

Adam didn’t respond, and you had a feeling he was now regretting his comment.

“After we…after I left, it sucked. A lot. And I wasn’t sure what to do and how to get on with my life. But then I… uh, I figured it out. And I got it together, and I made myself who I am today. Someone who is fine on their own,” you explained.

“So no, I don’t need you. I’m pretty much fine without you. But…I do want you. I liked having you in my life, but I can’t let you run it, not again. I have to have my say and control and make my own time to do what I want. But um, having you, with me, it can be fun and amazing, and I know you can add something good to my day. I want to have things with you.”

“I….” Adam trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. He looked so…you weren’t sure what to call it. Surprised? Amazed? Hesitant? Offended?

“We were good together…until I, I don’t know…like, I lost myself in you and your life. That won’t happen again, I can promise that. But…I think together, as partners, uh, as equals...I think we’d be really happy,” you elaborated.

“I never wanted you to stop being you,” Adam disputed, sounding sad, wounded by your words. “I always wanted you.”

“I know,” you assured. “But like, I…I didn’t know who I was. And I made me about you. Which…that’s not OK. I need to be me. I need to be me, and be me when I’m with you. This…I made those choices then, Adam. You were just…an unfortunate catalyst to my stupidity. I’m not blaming you, I’m not. I’m just saying…I, um, may not be the same girl you knew before. I like to think I’m better…but you may see it differently.”

Adam just stared at you, and you couldn’t blame him. This encounter had gone in a completely unpredicted direction. You had not come here with any intentions of any of this, and you were sure he hadn’t expected any part of this either. But it was happening. And now you needed to both deal with it.

“You don’t seem that different,” he decided, tilting his head ever so slightly. A bittersweet smile ghosted on your lips.

“Well, I am,” you confirmed. “Like I said, I’ve learned to do my own thing and do what makes me happy and…I’ve learned I need time for me…”

“As anyone should,” Adam agreed. “Look…I get it, I get what you’re saying. This isn’t the same thing it was before. We aren’t the same people as before.” You nodded. “So…let’s…let’s just learn each other again, and be friends and…just, uh, have no expectations, OK?”

“I can back that.”

“Cool. So…can I buy you a drink, friend?” You grinned and rolled your eyes good-naturedly, taking his extended hand, causing his own smile to widen.

“Sure, friend. Lead the way.”

[nellyharrison]

Find My Way Back To You | Ch. 2

On the list of things Skye expected to happen, finding her soulmate after being caged up and brainwashed by Hydra was not one of them.  Neither was joining the Avengers and fighting a legion of evil death bots, yet here she was, doing just that.

Chapter Two - Prisoner’s Choice [read on AO3]

The day the Avengers came, everything changed.  She could hear the destruction in the distance, and while something deep down in her wanted to go out and fight, all she could do was wait.  Skye knew she could be helpful in the fight against the Avengers, and she voiced as much when List released her from her cage only to give her strict instructions to defend him and Strucker against any threat.  As she entered the main room, where Hydra soldiers were running around preparing to fight, she saw Pietro.  They made eye contact, and it took everything in her not to run into his arms and follow through on the promise she had made when they met.  Unfortunately, she had orders, so she remained by Strucker and List’s side, silent and alert.

As Strucker and List discussed the possibility of sending the twins out into the field, Skye found her facade cracking a bit.  In addition to having an already solid bond with Pietro, she had grown quite fond of Wanda as well.  The idea of them going out there without her to back them up worried her, but she had to stay with Strucker and List.  She met Pietro’s eyes once more as the two Hydra leaders conversed, her head nodding as they made their way towards the door.  He would be careful, and when this was all over, they would be together.  They didn’t have to say as much through words, but from the look in his eyes, he shared the sentiment.

When List noticed the twins were gone, Strucker ordered her to stay by his side as List went to delete everything.  She did as she was told, looking up when she heard the shield fail.  They would be coming, so she prepared herself for a fight.  Strucker led the way, bounding up stairs as she followed, her orders to remain unseen unless ordered otherwise.  As he reached the landing, a guard fell before him, Captain America strolling through the doorway and towards him.

“Baron Strucker.  Hydra’s number one thug.”

“Technically, I’m a thug for SHIELD,” Strucker retorted, his eyes meeting Skye’s as she inched up the stairs behind Captain America.

“Well, then technically you’re unemployed,” the Captain stated.  “Where’s Loki’s sceptor?”

Strucker sighed, playing it as if he didn’t have a gifted woman ready to protect him.  “Don’t worry.  I know when I’m beat.  You’ll mention how I cooperated, I hope.”

“I’ll put it right under ‘illegal human experimentation’,” he snarked back.  “How many are there?”

She had no idea Wanda had joined them, and with one quick blast, Captain America was sent down the stairs.  Skye barely had enough time to get out of the way, but once she had, she shot out a shockwave sending him further away from Strucker.  She scrambled up the stairs, preparing to protect Strucker more effectively as Captain America detailed her and Wanda’s presence to his team over the comms.

“I don’t want to fight you, ma’am.  But I can’t let him get away with what he’s done,” he warned as he approached, Skye standing firm between him and Strucker.

“You’re a soldier, Captain.  Even you know that orders must be followed,” she replied, shooting a shockwave towards him.  He lifted his shield in record time, and the vibranium ricocheted it back onto her, sending her back against the wall.  She groaned before calling out as Strucker was knocked out.  “You will regret that,” she snapped, standing back up and getting into a fighting stance.

“Please don’t make me hurt you,” he requested, placing his hands up before engaging with her as she charged.  They battled for a few minutes, but she was no match for him.  He was enhanced in his own way, and her powers were useless as each blast bounced off of his shield.  In the end, she was knocked out too and taken as a prisoner like Strucker.

Not for the first time, Skye woke up in an unfamiliar location.  However, unlike the last time, she found herself laying on a bed.  She was in a cell, but it wasn’t what she would expect from a prison.  It reminded her of the Cage back on the Bus, with specially engineered walls to contain her and possibly minimize her powers.  She sat up and attempted to use her powers to test her theory, but nothing happened.  On her wrists were two silver bracelets which had not been there before.  She furrowed her eyebrows, then came to the conclusion that they must be somehow stopping her from using her abilities.  As she came more aware of herself, she gasped when she thought of her soulmate.  “Pietro,” she breathed, standing and moving towards the walls.  “Let me out of here!  Hello?  You can’t keep me here!”

A door that she had not been aware was there swung open, and Captain America entered.  “Actually, here is much better than where we should have locked you up.  It’s definitely better than where Strucker is right now.”

“Where am I?” she asked, clenching her jaw as she glared at him.  “Why can’t I use my powers?”

“Where you are doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you’re safe and you’re out of Hydra’s reach.  I would think you would be grateful for that, Agent Skye,” he stated, crossing his arms over his chest.  Her eyes widened, clearly surprised he knew who she was.  Well, who she had been before Hydra got their hands on her.  “Coulson can continue pretending he’s dead all he wants.  We know the truth.  We’re a little offended he thought we wouldn’t find out eventually.”

“I don’t care about Coulson or SHIELD.  I’m not an agent anymore.  I am meant to protect Strucker and List, and I can’t do that from in here,” she practically growled.

“Well then I’m afraid you’ve lost your purpose.  List and Strucker were both taken down during the battle and put behind bars with the rest of the Hydra agents we captured.  You’re a free woman again, Skye.  You get to decide what happens next,” he told her, unfolding his arms.  “Either you stay in a cell for the rest of your life, or you decide to join the right side of this war.  You have an amazing gift, and it’s clear that you were a good person before Hydra brainwashed you.  You could return to SHIELD if you so desired, but I think you could do even more good with the Avengers.  Of course, you won’t be able to join us in the field until you’ve proven you’re trustworthy, but it’s a much better deal than the former, if you ask me.”

Skye exhaled heavily as she stepped back before sitting on her bed.  “I…  I don’t know what to do,” she admitted.  “All I know is that I can’t stay here.  My- There’s someone out there that I need to find.”

“And who would that be?” he inquired, remaining where he was to give her the room she clearly needed to come to terms with what was happening.

She looked up at him, gauging if she could trust him.  The brainwashing that still lingered in her told her he couldn’t be, but there was a part of her, a part that was growing larger with every passing minute, that told her she could.  “My soulmate, Pietro Maximoff.”

“Your soulmate is the fast guy?” he asked, his eyebrows raising.  “You’re kidding, right?”

“Why would I joke about something like this?” she snapped, then sighed.  “We met when I was locked up at the fortress.  We realized who we were to each other, and we promised to be together when everything calmed down.”

“You do realize he was voluntarily working with Hydra, right?”

“Of course I know that,” she grumbled, brushing her hair back.  “But last I checked, volunteering to try to protect your country was something you know all about, Captain America.”

Steve gave her a look, then nodded.  “You’ve got me there,” he gave in.  “And you can just call me Steve.  Either way, we don’t know where he is, and I can’t just let you go.  Not yet, anyways.”

“When?  When can I leave?” she asked, her voice a bit softer.  “All I care about is finding and being with him.”

“Then I suggest you prove to us that you can be trusted.  Your best chance of getting out of here is joining us, and I hope you do.  Being on the receiving end of your abilities was rough, but I think watching you at work and having you fighting by my side would be a real honor,” he admitted, managing a small smile.  “I’ll leave you to think it over.”  With a nod from her as acknowledgement, he walked back out how he’d come in.

While she was in her cell, she was treated rather well.  She was brought regular meals, allowed to shower in a room across the hall, and even given books to entertain herself.  She didn’t do too much reading though, most of her time consumed with thinking over what she should do.  Steve had said she could return to SHIELD, but she wouldn’t have the freedom or resources to find Pietro.  She knew that Pietro would come after the Avengers again.  While it would mean they would be on opposite sides, joining with them was her best chance at finding him again.  Once she had, they could figure out what to do next.  All that mattered to her was that she found him.

When Steve returned to her cell a few days later, she had made her decision.  He had barely walked inside before she was standing and holding out her hand.  “I’m in.”

[prolapsingintothemaelstrom]

Renegade (prologue)

Another wolf-finds-his-mate story, but I kicked it up a notch and created a whole new world around it.

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Supernatural (EXO as wolves, but more species involved in the storyline)

Word count: 2640 words

Warning: curse-words and references to private parts (and a naked Chanyeol)

Prologue

The water was almost turning damp when it touched his skin. Gently, the dark haired, tall lad massaged his skin with the coconut and cream shower gel that stood at his feet, attempting to wash away the sweat on his body that had begun to itch. It had never been his preferred fragrance - he wondered where he had last placed his own musky fragranced shower gel-, yet, he admitted it was a surprisingly calming and relaxing scent, perfect for this time of the year.

With the palm of his hand, he pressed on the chrome metal that was built into the wall. As the cold water stopped flowing out of the showerhead above him, he leaned towards the wall, bending his back outward so that he could shake away the last water droplets from his hair, doggy style.

He appreciated times like this, when he was entirely alone in the shower cabin; it was actually a real log cabin that was designed to serve as a male shower and locker room like in high schools. Usually there would be a lot of bragging and yelling going on that would peak his interest in all frivolous subjects, but that didn’t fit the relaxing ritual he was achieving to meet.

“Five, six, seven, eight”, he sang the code of the yellow locker as he used his thumb to scroll the combination. In one swift motion, he opened the door, put the coconut and cream shower gel in it and closed it again. “Thanks Jongin”, he hummed silent as he let his fingers glide the code out of place.

Moving on one locker, to the pink one, he formed another easy-to-guess combination like the one his friend had chosen, only slightly more personal. His birthday. He closed his eyes for a second while he dreamed about the towel that was going to run through his hair shortly and opened his own locker. To his horror however, he only found his SeX cap once he opened his eyes.

“Channie”, a pitched female voice evolved from behind him.

“HOLY SHIT”. In absolute shock, Chanyeol turned around, not forgetting to quickly grasp his cap out of his locker and holding it with one hand to cover his private parts. At eye height, three faery-like girls were floating before him, each the size of his hand. They were glowing in colours; one green, one blue and one pink.

“Hihihihihi. No need to cover it up. We saw everything”, the blue one nodded approvingly with a vibrant smile.

“You are very well shaped, Channie”, the pink one noted, using the nickname Chanyeol hated most. It wouldn’t have such a bad denotation if it weren’t for the Powerpuff girls in front of him who had started to use it first. “Your friend from earlier is less fortunate”.

“I still prefer the first one that came in this evening, but I like the coconut and cream scent on you”, the green one just had to ruin every compliment, not that Chanyeol ever cared for their opinion. The Powerpuff girls, which is a nickname Chanyeol used to refer to this set of girls, consist out of three female pixies that had chosen him and his friends as their favourite victim for their pesterings ever since the boys had come of age.

“Yes yes”, the blue one agreed, “But he was out of this world exceptional. You can’t compare Channie with that, that isn’t fair”. Chanyeol shook his head, trying to wake himself up from the horrible situation he had landed in.

“YAH!”, he yelled. “Where are my clothes!?” he yelled at them suddenly, his annoyance levels rising through the roof. He didn’t need proof of their responsibility in the sudden disappearance of all his clothes, including his towel and probably his shower gel. They are pixies, and that’s what they do. They annoy the shit out of you and cause a lot of mischief. Not that they denied any of it.

“Hihihi”, Chanyeol hated the way they laughed with their high pitched voices. “We thought you’d be happy that we left you your favourite cap”, the green pixie placed a small dance in the air, before suddenly flying close to his face, her head sticking forward. “We’ve been seeing you a lot lately. Peak of mating season is arriving, right?” It was obvious. Every summer, Chanyeol would regularly go out in the evening and have a run through the woods in his wolf-form. That’s the way he coped with being mateless and hard. He’d jerk off, and comparable to a cigarette after sex, he’d then take a run through the woods, finishing with a cold shower.

“Where are my goddamn clothes!” He turned angry, already growing a fist with his free hand.

“But why would you need them”, the pink pixie dared to stroke her body against Chanyeol’s naked and wet upper arm, earning her a shove but she discarded it. “Look, you’re still sweating all over aren’t you? The fur is hot in the summer, isn’t it?”, she tried once again to come touch him.

“YAH BACK OFF!” Chanyeol roared. “NOW GIVE ME MY CLOTHES BACK OR I’LL-”

“You’ll what?” the blue pixie asked interested. “We’re pixies. You’re not allowed to hurt us, are you? It’s against the rules hihihihihi”, the other two pixies joining in to laugh as well.

“How about you come out and play with us? We’re small but that doesn’t mean we can’t satisfy you”, the green pixie grabbed her own chances to come forward and touch Chanyeol, but was quickly regretting her decision as his free hand captured her prisoner.

“Listen up, Buttercup”, not that that was the green pixie’s real name but that’s the only name he could give her as he didn’t know their real names, referring back to the Powerpuff girls. “You give me back my clothes, my towel and my shower gel NOW or I will strange you! There is no rule that states we can’t kill a pixie, just one that states we can’t kill anyone that is not a direct threat to us, and I’m telling you, stealing my new three hundred fifty-thousand-won T-shirt, I most definitely consider a very huge threat to me!” He shouted and to emphasise his earnestness, he looked her in the eye, showing off his chartreuse yellow wolf irises.

“All right, all right”, the green pixie panicked. “Just let me go first!” she begged.

“NO! Bubbles and Blossom there can get them!”, he looked up to the two other pixies, giving them the same deadly wolf stare.

“But they’re too heavy for us to carry alone!” They protested, but Chanyeol wasn’t willing to let Buttercup go until he had his stuff back.

“Then you bring me to them!”

So it has been said, and so it shall be done. Finding himself back in the middle of the woods, one hand still covering up his private parts with his cap and the other holding Buttercup, he stopped in his tracks when he noticed the other two floated in their location.

“Here they are”, Blossom sounded disappointed that Chanyeol had won from them this time. Chanyeol searched the ground with his eyes, trying to spot his stuff somewhere, in vain.

“Don’t pull another prank on me! I don’t see them!”  He was already boiling inside again, contemplating whether they were pulling another prank on him.

“Because you’re looking in the opposite direction”, Bubbles pointed out, and so Chanyeol turned around, searching for his stuff again. “No, not like that”, she lowered herself to be in Chanyeol’s line of sight again and then pointed towards the sky. “There”.

He would regret his next move for another week or two. Out of appal from seeing his clothes spread into the branch structure of a seventeen-meter-high tree, he accidentally let go of Buttercup. Although he noticed quickly that she could slip out of his hand, he was too late to catch her again and watched the Powerpuff girls fly away quickly, laughing.

“YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!” He yelled at them.

   He thought he had made it into the main mansion without anyone seeing, until he heard that a certain pair of footsteps was aiming for the door to the hallway from his room. Chanyeol took a quick sprint towards his own room, but it was too late.

He heard his friend Baekhyun giggling and pointing at him as he quickly swayed his naked butt into his own room, closing it with an enormous amount of force.

“Pixies got to you?” he heard Baekhyun laugh.

“SHUT UP!” Chanyeol yelled, although yelling wasn’t necessary for Baekhyun to hear him. They were both wolves and had impeccable hearing, so even though one was still standing somewhere in the hallway and the other in his room, they could hear each other perfectly.

“Yah, don’t get so worked up over it. They got to me too today, they tampered with the shower I was using earlier on. There was fucking urine coming out of it” Although he thought what the Powerpuff girls did to him was worse; Baekhyun could just switch shower; he calmed down, distracted from wondering… was he the unfortunate one or the exceptional one?

  “Last summer-holiday lesson”, Chanyeol looked upon ten kids sitting at the small camp fire. They ranged from age nine to twelve. The kids let out a cooperative aaauw, already missing Chanyeol’s storytelling-like lessons. He was amazing with kids, and he was an amazing teacher. That’s why the last few years he had always been chosen to educate the younger pack members about the world they were born in. Chanyeol smiled energetically, loving how the children were going to miss him so much, despite the fact that they all lived in the same town and could see him every day, especially now they were temporary housing in the same mansion for mating season. He admitted, he was going to miss the kids too, actually preferring to teach them over his day job, which was teaching bachelor-students in the closest university while he aimed for his PhD.

“Pixies”, he began. “Everyone must find them so annoying I am certain you’ve all asked your parents before where they came from. I know I did”, he remembered. “So, does anyone know?” He looked over to his cute students who all started raising their hands in the air.

“Taeyong”, Chanyeol noticed how worked up he was on wanting to answer this one.

“They were created by Hades as a permanent imperfection to the world of Zeus as revenge”, Taeyong summarized.

“Correct. Hades and Zeus were two brothers and they are believed to be the first people to possess magical powers. So they were the first warlocks. Both imagining how this supernatural world that suddenly came into existence should look like, they had a disagreement on what, according to them, was perfect. They both never learned to add some water to the wine and instead of cooperating, the brothers became enemies. While most fights stayed rather friendly, Zeus came up with a plan to send Hades to another world, because Hades did not fit this perfect world Zeus had in mind. This world is now referred to many people as Hell. Hades found out about his plan, and although he could not stop his brother from sending him elsewhere, he did manage to leave one ‘imperfection’ to Zeus’s world, our world, which are pixies. He created them, purely to annoy Zeus and all his descendants for the rest of their lives”, he laughed at how that was the most idiotic yet succeeded revenge one could ever have. Even though just an hour ago he had been pestered by pixie’s himself, he had managed to regain his own cool again, allowing him to become the happy-virus Chanyeol that everyone loved.

“Let me elaborate a bit on Hades and Zeus. Although many humans think Hades is the bad guy, actually after we learned more about our origin, we have been lead to believe that it is actually the opposite. Hades is the only warlock known to have created a new species without using humans as guinea pigs for his base, like us wolves. All existing witches have descended from Zeus, meaning that all witches that have created a new species have always used a human for its base like Zeus saw perfect. Point summarized, Hades respects humans enough to leave them alone. Second point. His pixies are annoying, but they only cause mischief, they’re not really dangerous. A pixie has never, never ever, killed anyone before. Third point. He could have killed Zeus before he was send off to another world instead, but he didn’t. Many believe that Hades was not morally capable of killing someone. All makes you wonder whether you really want to go to heaven, right?”, Chanyeol laughed. “Now back to the pixies. Has anyone ever noticed that pixies prefer to tease wolves over others?” Chanyeol asked and looked around, especially towards Ten who was considering to answer, but seemed too nervous to.

“Ten?” Chanyeol tried to ease him. “It’s all right. You can tell us. You’re right”

“I’ve never had a pixie do anything to me”, he confessed under his breath. All the other kids looked at him in absolute shock, not believing what they heard.

“That’s right. They do pester your dad and your sister, right?” Chanyeol confirmed and Ten nodded. “You’re a warlock, like your mom who’s a witch, not a wolf. So pixies don’t do anything to you. But your dad and sister are wolves, so they do know what it’s like to have pixies pestering them”, Chanyeol looked back to all the children. “Don’t blame Ten for it, it’s not his fault, but it’s true. Only wolves are the victim of pixies’ mischief. It didn’t used to be like that back when Hades created them, but it has evolved to this. And there’s a reason for that. Which is awkwardly enough… Because you can say pixies are one of the parents of wolves”

HAH? – was all Chanyeol could read from the children’s faces, as if he just dropped a bomb onto them. “Yes, it’s true. Now everyone has heard from their parents how actually it was the witch Cupid who wanted to make a human that was so strongly influenced by love like ourselves. As wolves, we seek our entire lives for that one mate that belongs to us, we mark, we mate, we get sick from absence from our mate, we’re inseparable and of course… we die shortly after our mate dies. Within the same week. You all know so far. But in the version you all usually hear from your parents, Cupid was a bit absent minded and somehow the wolf-part was added to it.

The reality however, is that it were actually pixies that tampered with her initial potion and it was them that added the wolf-bit to it. So it’s because they’re sorta the mom or the dad of the wolves, they prefer to pester them over others. Now I know what you’re all thinking. If they have tampered with a potion like that, then why do you not consider them dangerous? Well… I’ve never believed the consequences of their playful actions to be that bad. I am a wolf. I love running through the woods as a wolf. I love being able to have a conversation with other wolves from a distance without raising my voice. I love being able to see in the dark that well. I love coming home and from a mile away I can smell my mom’s freshly made buldak… Or when she makes her Haejangguk… Cause then I turn around and I go get pizza or so. Don’t eat my mom’s Haejangguk, ever”, the kids smiled when Chanyeol warned them. “I love winning all games of arm-wrestling against some of my students that power-lift in their free time… Anyhow, I love being a wolf. I hope you do too”

-> Part 1

[kidsviral-blog]

11 True Stories From Queer Women About Falling For The Straight Girl

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/11-true-stories-from-queer-women-about-falling-for-the-straight-girl/

11 True Stories From Queer Women About Falling For The Straight Girl

Oh, the sweet misery.

We asked queer women to tell us about their own experiences falling for, or hopelessly crushing on, women who identify as straight.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

These are the stories they shared:

1. “So for the past few months I’ve been in and out of this weird limbo of denial and doubt and feelings of stupidity.”

“This is kind of hard to talk about right now because my feelings for my straight best friend are very powerful in the way that girl best friendships typically are. We have an incredibly close friendship, make jokes about being a married couple all the time, but she has no idea that sometimes I think about her in a deeper way. The confusing part is that those deeper feelings come and go and are super fleeting.

She’s crazy attractive and the funniest person I know. I have dated gay and bi girls in the past, and I consider myself bi. As much as I’ve thought about it, I could never act on my feelings for her in the event that it would destroy everything we have and ruin our friendship. So for the past few months I’ve been in and out of this weird limbo of denial and doubt and feelings of stupidity. Once those negative feelings pass, I come out of my hole and feel fine again. It’s the ebb and flow of the ‘yes I’m attracted to her’ juxtaposed with the ‘actually wait maybe I’m not really / don’t be stupid’ that’s been a great challenge to deal with.”

2. “I saw her holding hands with a guy and felt weirdly disappointed, not even for myself but just for like… all women.”

“When I was still in school a few years ago, I had a class located in this huge lecture hall in the university’s business school building, which was weird because there were only like 35 students in the class. One of them was this reeeaaaaaally hot girl who I just … could not stop looking at during class. We sat on opposite ends so I could not even see her that well, but, you know, well enough to know she was really hot. She was really tan (it was fall semester and her summer tan just seemed to never go away, which was unfair), and had really short blonde hair swooped to the side. Like, just the best alternative lifestyle haircut. And she always wore a leather jacket, which looked great. Anyway, I never even figured out what her name was (somehow?? despite the small class size?) or even spoke to her. Eventually I saw her holding hands with a guy around campus and felt weirdly disappointed, not even necessarily for myself but just for like… all women.”

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Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed

3. “I’m just as confused as the rest of them.”

“I don’t have a legitimate story, other than I think I have a problem because I am attracted to a lot of my close friends who are straight. I wouldn’t necessarily call it falling for them, because it’s just the physical attraction. If I’d found out one of them had feelings for me then perhaps I’d be in a different place. But girls are so confusing and no one knows what they want until maybe they have it. But who am I to say? I’m just as confused as the rest of them.”

4. “At first I tried to deny it and tell myself I just really liked being friends with her.”

“I used to be obsessed with this girl on my soccer team in high school. I always used to ask her for a ride home and every time I switched classes I would look for her! Biggest straight girl crush I’ve ever had. At first I tried to deny it and tell myself I just really liked being friends with her. We just had so much fun and I wanted to hang out ALL THE TIME. In my last two years of high school I began to realize it was more than that, but I was still not ready to come out to anyone.

That was years ago and I’ve been out for almost four years now. Every Thanksgiving everyone comes home and goes out in our hometown. I always hope I’ll see her. Unfortunately, I just recently found out (via Facebook creep) she’s engaged to this guy. I’ve never been a home-wrecker, but I must admit I still secretly hope she’ll call off the wedding and call me. A girl can dream, right?”

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Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed

5. “I burst into tears and they were both happy and sad tears. It wasn’t what I wanted, but hearing it that way was exactly what I needed.”

“The first time I fell for a girl, it was for my best friend in high school. When I realized I was attracted to her, I took a step back and thought “yeah, OK, I might not be straight, but I’m pretty damn sure she is.” Which was, you know, problematic for several reasons. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable because it was the first time I had fallen for a girl and not only was she one of my best friends, she was straight and from an extremely conservative religious family.

It’s hard to hide a crush when you’re 16. She brought it up late one night while we were eating ice cream in her kitchen. I thought for sure she was going to tell we couldn’t be friends anymore or I was going to hell (again, conservative religious family), but I was totally wrong. Instead she said, “I just wanted to tell you that you’re my friend, and I want you to be happy. I do love you, I hope you know that. You deserve someone who loves you and appreciates you for being the amazing person that you are. But I can’t give you what you want. What I can give you is my support and my ice cream and my laughter and my friendship, and I understand if that’s not enough for you, but I want you to know that it’s yours regardless.”

I burst into tears, and they were both happy and sad tears. It wasn’t what I wanted, but hearing it that way was exactly what I needed. So she hugged me and held me while I cried, and then we finished off the pint of mostly melted ice cream and I went home. Fifteen years later, I can’t convey how much that one conversation meant to me. The fact that she didn’t judge me, didn’t push me away, didn’t freak out, didn’t make me feel like what I was feeling was wrong… it meant everything.”

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Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed

6. “I do think she loved me, but I don’t think we were ever on the same page.”

“The details leading up to me falling for my best friend in college are not important — even though those months will always hold special sentimental value for me. The fact that we both identified as straight at the time, the fact that she had many boyfriends and so I never expected anything, the fact that we both took this brave chance on our hearts and acted on these secret feelings — it’s all pretty amazing. Of course, what followed was the total shitstorm that comes with dating someone in the closet for a year and then having them break up with you. She made it clear she would never date another girl again, it was just a “me” thing. Is that something to feel good about? I still can’t decide.

I learned a lot about myself (that I’m not straight); I learned a lot about what I want out of a relationship (someone who is also not straight and willing to be open about our relationship). I’ll never let anyone ‘hide’ our relationship again. So in a lot of ways, I don’t regret what happened because it was such a huge learning curve for me.

We are still very close, but as with all horrific dumpings I still harbor some heartbreak. I do think she loved me, but I don’t think we were ever on the same page. I don’t think she will ever understand how painful it is for me that to this day our relationship is an ugly secret. The fact that she has clearly chosen to never reveal it to anyone makes me angry and sad for her, but proud of myself for not being ashamed of who I am — every part of me. I will always be there for her as a friend, but it’s hard to move past entirely.”

7. “We never had sex, which is what made it so much sexier.”

“I was leaving for New York City the next day. There was this girl, someone I’d been crushing on for YEARS, possibly the most beautiful girl I’ve still ever seen, in that never-gonna-happen-but-can’t-hurt-to-look kinda way. The night before my departure I was saying farewell to my friends and this goddess showed up to the bar professing that she had a crush on me too. Of course, I couldn’t let this sit. I pressed and I pressed and before I knew it we were making out in the middle of the bar. That is, before we were both unceremoniously kicked out.

We never had sex, which is what made it so much sexier. We talked on her porch, in the sticky southern summer, about tattoos and philosophy and the unequivocal desirability of women. She kept flashing her criminally adorable smile and saying, “I’m from Alabama,” in that remarkably southern way which was code for “I’m straight.” When we woke up cuddling the next morning, an hour before my flight to NYC, it was the most bittersweet good-bye I’ve ever had.

Optional addendum: The next time I heard from her, she was dating a lady. It was somehow both flattering and tragic, the road not taken and everything. But I still feel a little tang of pride when I think about it.”

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Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed

8. “But more than anything, it left me a little shell-shocked because all of a sudden I was left to question my own sexuality alone.”

“I fell in love with my best friend towards the end of my time in college. We dated for almost a year — arguably the loveliest, most freeing, fulfilling, beautiful year of my life — and then she broke up with me because she was sure she was straight and didn’t want to be with a woman. It made me question who I was as a romantic, as a sexual partner, as a friend. It took me a long time to accept that this was more about her preferences than it was about who I was as a partner. A really long time. It actually might not totally be all there right now.

But more than anything, it left me a little shell-shocked because all of a sudden I was left to question my own sexuality alone. I’m in a hard place — knowing it will take more partners for me to figure out who I am and who I want, but nursing a broken heart that keeps me from trying. I’ve built a fair amount of resentment towards her, feeling like I may never find someone again who will take care of my heart the way that she did, and yet never getting the chance to win her back (as if, by some romantic gesture, I could will her to change a part of her that simply cannot be willed). Where do I go? I’m not entirely sure. I get up every morning trying to believe, if only in the most dormant corner of my soul, that one day the world will not be 10 sizes too small for my pain, and that this is all just sort of the way. And for now, that is enough.”

9. “She insisted that she was straight and just wanted to experiment, so we couldn’t continue to do what we were doing.”

“I used to work out with a girl named “Katie”; she is about 8 years older than me and incredibly attractive. Yes, I thought she was hot, but I also had a gut feeling that she could very well be into girls. I went out of my way to hang out with her for a couple of weeks until the opportunity presented herself.

I met her and her male friend, who she had dated in the past, at a bar uptown. When he left our table and went to the bar to get drinks, we chatted for a bit. I took the opportunity to let her know that I date both women and men; she responded by saying that she “may be attracted to women too.” This was the best news I had received in a while.

The three of us went back to her apartment, which was a bit of a hike uptown from my apartment, so she suggested that I stay the night, which I accepted. Once her friend left we went to bed… I made a move, and one thing led to another.

It was absolutely fun and lasted for about a month or so, but then she started to freak out. She insisted that she was straight and just wanted to experiment, so we couldn’t continue to do what we were doing.

I understood that she was “straight,” and I agreed to never disclose any of what happened to anyone if she was not comfortable with it, so I did not understand why she would be so cold towards me. She was rude, argumentative, and all around bad energy, which I did not appreciate at all. It was immature, especially for a 30-year-old, but her subversiveness was relentless and awkward for everyone that we would spend time with.

I decided to tell our mutual friend what had happened, and explained that I didn’t want to be around Katie, but I also didn’t want her to be offended when I did not go out with them in a group. She of course understood and also agreed that she would not let it be known to Katie that she knew what happened, but also mentioned that she had a hunch that Katie was gay and had been struggling with it for a while.

Fast forward four months: Katie comes out of the closet to everyone. She apologizes, which I appreciated, but then goes on to explain that she misses me, thinks about “us” and what we could have been very often, etc. My response was something along the lines of “thank you for your apology, but I don’t want to hear it.”

10. “For me, I feel like hooking up with straight girls is so much easier than getting things started with lesbians.”

“For me, I feel like hooking up with straight girls is so much easier than getting things started with lesbians. They usually come on to you, are totally into it and curious, and there is no pressure about it, so both of your guards are completely down which actually leads you guys to bond better than you would if you were guarded and insecure. When it starts to work out, you’re like, This is so amazing, she’s not gay, so we must have this super special rare connection that no one else has, and when it doesn’t actually work out you’re like, It’s not me, it’s the fact that you are not gay, so it’s less personal. Also, you totally fell for this chick and are completely heartbroken.

Getting started with lesbians is so complicated because everyone is friends with everyone and chances are the girl that I am crushing on already dated my best friend for three years orrrrrr all my friends like the same girl so it turns into this giant competition. OR you actually have to be so vulnerable for half a second because you have to admit you have feelings for someone that might not like you, not because you’re a woman but for who you really are… shit.”

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Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed

11. “All of my crushes on women were quiet and intense.”

“When I was in the process of accepting my attraction to women, especially since I was still attracted to men and coming off of a six-year relationship with my high school boyfriend, all of my crushes on women were quiet and intense. They all seemed unattainable. I developed a full-blown obsession with a woman who rode the same shuttle as me to campus twice a week. She always smiled at me like she knew me, wide and bright. Her hair was red with a soft wave and what looked like gold threads shot through. I couldn’t tell if she was straight or not, and I felt ill-equipped to help her find out, so I just sat across from her on Mondays and Wednesdays, pining for her, hoping she’d make a move.

One day she got on the bus and sat next to me. The entire right side of my body lit up like a bonfire, and I thanked god for the thin blood and dark skin that kept my blushing minimal. We said hi to one another, barely making eye contact. We both had these small goofy smiles on our faces. I was certain she was going to make a move, when my friend Drew got on the bus and said, “Oh my god, Ashley! I heard about you and Brett breaking up! You guys have been together forever! Are you OK? Never mind. You know what they say, to get over one man you just need to get under another one.” I smiled at him, shell-shocked. When I looked back at her, she already had her nose buried in a book. It was like the last 60 seconds — the culmination of weeks of desire — had never happened.

She got off on the next stop and I never saw her again.”

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/11-true-stories-from-queer-women-about-falling-for-the-strai

[gauridhiman-blog]

Story.

It all started with a theatre group, near canaught place, in Delhi, the Little Theatre Group. Where I first met her, Aaysun, just like her name, she was equally angelic, that glowing face, big hazel eyes, kohl smeared, fair, tall, lean, with beautiful long hair, painted lips, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get my eyes off her! In that brief moment, she caught me staring, while I was startled by a question, ‘Isn’t she a well mannered young lady?’, the theatre group had been practicing for the coming play, Much Ado About Nothing, and I was being questioned by Claudio, the immature character of the play, who couldn’t understand, the intensity of the moment that I had been staring at the “well mannered lady!”. As I woke up from my fantasy, I had to react as soon as possible, before I got lost in those big hazel eyes, and those pink lips, I said, “Do you want my true opinion? Or do you want me to criticize her like I do all women?”, she was watching me curiously, delivering my dialogues, I just regretted uttering that sentence of criticizing women at that moment, on the other hand, I wanted to look at her, and tell her that I don’t criticize women like her, but unfortunately, she vanished in an instant. I couldn’t find a reason to stop wishing to see her again, and to my surprise, she was there, at the practise, the very next day. God was giving me surprises from the past two days, and there was one more surprise awaiting for me! She was the lead actress, opposite me, her name was Beatrice, and I, Benedick. I was just wondering, how will I ever be able to criticize her, and how on earth, will I be able to have those, skirmish of wit sessions! Hell no! My heartbeat was reckless, I could feel my heart banging against my chest, I was dreadfully nervous! We had started practising and I had been thinking persistently for the past few hours, lots and lots of ‘What ifs’, ‘Hows’ and ‘Whens’ were racking my brain. Questions! Questions! And questions! And then, I was there, in front of her, arguing! Beatrice- ‘I wonder that you will still be talking, signor Benedick. Nobody marks you’ Benedick- ‘What my, dear lady Disdain, are you yet living?’ Beatrice- ‘Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself convert to disdain if you come in her presence.’ Benedick- ‘Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you expected, and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.’ …………and it continued for another two hours. After the practice, the team decided to go out for a stroll, near India gate. This was a chance for me to get to know her more, more than I have known her just by observing her the first day, she had entered the theatre group. I went up to her, she looked at me, we locked our eyes, before I could react, she said, “ah, signor benedick!” with a smile on her face. I smiled. After a pause, I asked her, ‘So, where are you from and what are you doing here, in Delhi?’. Silly question! I should have greeted her courteously. She told me, she’s from Kashmir, and she is studying in DU, in The Hindu College, pursuing English honours. Of course, she had talented acting skills, but I was amazed, to hear the voice, sweet, like honey dripping in my ears, how could I ever be able to forget that voice, and the way those lips moved while she spoke. Despite this, there was something mysterious about her, the way she kept on thinking, it was reflected on her face and eyes. I try to ignore that but it was in vain. We could hardly talk that evening because of all the other group members, but at least I got to know, where she was from, and of course she was studying in Delhi University. I was looking forward for the play practices held in the evening, and every evening led to a magnificent conversation, I was getting to know her more and more, her family, the Kashmir issues, her childhood, and her hometown, Gulmarg, the most beautiful tourist destination in India, and of course she was living in the paradise, I must say a rather “Treacherous wonderland”. Every evening had something new, sometimes, it was a visit to the Lodi gardens, sometimes India gate, sometimes Cannaught place, sometimes Old Delhi, and sometimes Chandni Chowk, and in that one month, I had refreshed my childhood memories. That was the time when we had exchanged our numbers, and texted each other, just to discuss work, or the place we would visit the next day. We were practising vigorously day and night, as the play performance was just five days away in Agra, at the most exquisite site, The Taj Mahal. All reservations were confirmed, we were eager to perform in the most sophisticated location of all times. On the other hand, I think I was in love with Aaysun, its strange, how we start adoring and accepting every flaw of the person we love the most, even if they hurt us, we forgive them, and the way she was coming close to me every moment, made me fall for her, surely there was something happening with her too but I guess we were too shy to confess. One day, she texted me, playfully, “Hey, Aarush, wanna meet?”, I immediately replied, “Yes, sure. Please let me know the time and place Ms. Beatrice!”, she said, “Enough of Ms. Beatrice! You can call me Aaysun, don’t you know the meaning of my name? it means, as beautiful as the moon.” Well, she really, was just as beautiful as moon! But Instead I said, “Oh, well its true!”, I wondered if she blushed at what I just said, or at least a small smile? Who knows! Well, to me it was still an unidentified secret. I had kept all my questions aside, and I went to meet her, she had called me at the Hauz khas village. I was there ten minutes before she told me to come, I was looking for her, and then I saw her, I was stunned. She was wearing a baby pink coloured suit, well fitted, with a white dupatta, and the colour was reflected on to her face, her face glowed like a small baby, her bright painted lips suited the attire, her eyes! Big hazel eyes, looked even bigger with kohl and mascara, her soft, fragile hands looked more delicate with those silver coloured bangles, she looked gorgeous. I kept staring, admiring her beauty, and then again a question, �� Where are you lost?”, “Huh, ohh nothing.. you look… stunning!” I said. “Thank you!” she said blushing, with a smile. I had never felt the same way before, I wanted to get lost in those big eyes, it’s strange, how easily a person can fall in love without even letting the other person know! It was not a lust kind of a thing, it was not about lust at all, it was just love, in a chaste form. It was about respecting her voice and feelings, it was about letting her be the way she was, it was about looking into her eyes, it was about listening to her voice, it was about venerating her thoughts and feelings, which she shared quite often, whenever she was upset about her hometown, worried about her family. Her alluring voice, had been my favourite since she started talking to me, it used to echo around me whenever she wasn’t there beside me. I must say that we became very close, but I never tried to ask her what she felt about me. After the meeting at the Hauz Khas village, I was sure that something was wrong, she had kept quiet, unlike the other days, she had told me that she always dreamt of being a writer, but that dream has come to an end, she kept on sobbing for a while, I asked her what was the matter, but she was reluctant to tell me, although I didn’t not press her much, but I was concerned. I held her hand for the first time, informally and it felt as fragile as a feather, I never wanted to leave that hand, and if I had got a chance I would held it forever till eternity. I asked her, “Our play performance is just two days away, are you nervous?” and her answer to this was rather disturbing, “Of course not, I am not nervous, at all. Acting is fun, and moreover Beatrice is not compelled to abandon her dreams for her parents wishes! I like enacting this character.” We kept on talking for another half an hour, and then head back to our respective homes. That night, she had called me, she said, “I can’t sleep. Would you mind talking for a while? I hope I haven’t disturbed you.” She was whispering, I felt breathless, I felt absolutely incredible, I felt I was complete in that moment. I could feel her presence beside me, whispering softly in my ears. It was unbelievable, a feeling which cannot be expressed in words, a feeling which is to be felt only. I thought to myself, questioned that what did I do to experience this kind of feeling, it was overwhelming. I said, “Sure, are you okay?”, “I’m fine.”, She said. She was disturbed or maybe she was over thinking, she was hiding something surely. She said, “Would you mind imagining that your arms are wrapped around me, that you have embraced me?” “Huh.. Umm, yeah sure…. If you say so” I said. “Yeah, it feels good to be embraced by you, maybe, I’ll sleep better now.” “Its okay, no worries, I’m here, whenever you need me Aaysun.” I said. “By the way, why did you get lost today? What happened, haven’t seen a prettier lady than me or what?” she said and laughed, listening her laugh, I started laughing too and we laughed some more. I said, “Well, you were looking so beautiful, you have this radiant skin, with these big honey eyes, and pink lips, and blushing cheeks, I just couldn’t help myself, you were looking like a fairy, and that suit, baby pink suits you well! It was difficult not to stare at you.” I knew she smiled, when she said thank you. We kept on talking the whole night, we laughed, at last she said, “Promise me, you’ll hold me, till the time I don’t fall asleep.” I said, “I’m here, I am just beside you, holding you, just feel my warmth, I’m there only.” It was very early in the morning around four, when she stopped talking, and drifted away. I could hear her breathe, it was calm, very peaceful, I kept on listening to it till the time she didn’t woke up and said good morning in her sleepy voice. Whatever I was feeling at that point of time, was magical, dreamlike, it was something I never knew that existed. I knew, that all these fairy tales didn’t work in real life, reality is always different, it comes with harsh tides of water washing away the love, belief, hopes and dreams. I knew she wouldn’t meet me the next day, at the play practice, maybe because she was shy and didn’t want to discuss about that night. I called her to find out if she was alright and she said she is fine, and that she was packing for the play we had the next day, and we had to leave for Agra that night, I said alright and hung up. All the little theatre group was in the bus, and my eyes were finding her everywhere in the bus, I tried hard to stop, but at last I found her, she was sitting in a corner with her open, wearing specs and a book in her hand, reading beside the bus window at the last seat. She was reading Paula Ceohlo’s book, ‘By river peidra I sat down and cried’, I never knew she read philosophical book as well, so I went up to her and sat beside her and said, “Philosophy, eh?’ she said, “Oh, hey Aarush I was just thinking about you. How was your day?” I said somewhat astonished “You think about me too? Really? By the way my day was usual. How was your day?” “It was fine.” She said. She was too busy to notice my swollen eyes, so I decided to watch her instead of talking, and I kept on watching her. She was gazing at the night sky, the moon, and I think she was trying to find the starts, which were not visible because of the thick expanse of pollution. My eyes were fixed on her, she did not caught me though, as she was lost in her own world, looking out of the window, and the wind was stroking her hair, it was a little chilly, her hands were folded trying to keep each other warm, then she turned and looked at me, and for the first time, we were looking into each other’s eyes, we kept looking, I could sense that she was about to cry, something was disturbing her and she wasn’t sharing it too. I could see her moonlit face, and then a tear trickled down her cheek, I didn’t say anything but went closer to her and wiped off her tears, I held her hand and she put her head on my shoulder, I kept running my fingers through her hair, till the time she didn’t fell asleep. I took off her specs, and watched her sleep. I thought, that I was the luckiest man alive on earth, the girl whom I loved was right there beside me, what else do I need.. my love was with me, though she didn’t know that I was in love with her but still she was with me unaware. People say Unrequited love is the purest form of love, true, despite it being one sided, I was happy, very content and satisfied, I didn’t care if she loved me or not, I had no expectations also, but I was fortunate that I, among all the other human beings had got a chance to spend the most beautiful moments of my life with my beloved. She woke up and looked at me with sleepy eyes, and pleasing smile on her face and said, “Why are you still awake?” I told her, just like that, she nodded and slept again. Instead, I wanted tell her that it was delight watching her, how could I ever close my eyes, when such a beautiful girl, with serene soul was sitting beside me. Her face close to my neck and I could feel her breathe on my neck, the feeling was inexpressible, all I knew was that for me she was precious, and I had to take care of her.