#gender blogging

[anghraine]

I got home from my (maternal) grandmother's funeral in rather worse health (asthma wise) and after all kinds of right wing family drama (it's conservative on conservative violence, the rest of us were largely just organizing and preparing for the funeral), but it was a much smoother, pleasanter event in general than my grandfather's.

I'm incredibly tired, though. On the bright side, I did manage to keep writing every day—just on my cell phone (which I hate doing) and not a whole lot, but still, my streak is unbroken!

[now for the whining]

I total caved to family pressure, though. Most people seem to believe that piano playing is physically effortless and only challenging in a coordination sense, but in fact when my asthma is already bad it does drastically aggravate already-poor breathing. I'd agreed to play the specific song my grandmother had requested, but told my mother I probably wouldn't have the fortitude for anything else, and I really couldn't sing (both for breath reasons and for my voice getting much lower in the ongoing asthma episode reasons). But my mother has had to hold her entire family together by the sheer strength of her will, she's the one who prepared her mother's body (understandably upsetting and her siblings are... let's just say that she combines maximal Eldest Daughter syndrome with the most dutiful, disciplined firstborn child energy possible and they are happy to let her do so), her knees are basically non-functional and yet she's running everyone around and keeping the children happy and etc. And she really wanted me to sing with them (especially the song all the women of the family were singing) and help them practice their piece and play in the background.

So I ended up helping everyone practice and playing for hours without interruption in the background and singing with the other family members for three separate songs including all four verses of "How Great Thou Art", all of which required me to drop the melody a full octave. I guess getting dragged into unwisely singing with The Women of the Family only for my voice to sound like a baritone amidst theirs is one way to Do Gender at... a funeral... anyway.

But everyone was really nice about the piano playing. Even my awful MAGA aunt was like "wow did you even realize you played for over two hours without stopping? It was really nice" and my uncle, her brother, went "and without missing a note, either" and I tried to just politely thank them while my back and entire right arm were throbbing, lol. I actually hadn't played in over a year because my piano is horrendously out of tune, but at long last my years of hiding out at church via being the Forever Accompanist until I withdrew altogether were helpful, since all my grandmother's favorite hymns are basically coded into my hands at this point.

My bio father, who was there because of his closeness with Grandma, was honestly an unexpected champ, too. He stayed with me at the piano, made sure I ate and was feeling as well as possible, kept me headed in the right direction when I got turned around, told me I sounded like crap when I was feeling especially unwell, etc. He asked if I'd looked at the body and I was like "no, I don't really.......want to," and he went "yeah, I'm the same, I'd rather remember people the way I knew them than look at a corpse, I'm trying to avoid going over there." So, uh, unexpected corpse-dodging father-daughter solidarity there.

My adoptive father was also great, and kept my mother functional, but also kept refilling a water bottle and giving it to me to drink so I didn't hack up an entire lung, found me Tylenol, and got me back home even though it meant us traveling some 700 mi in three days. So it wasn't all awful or anything, just exhausting.

Also, all this was held near where I was born and where my maternal family has lived for decades (my grandparents moved there in... 1976, I think), and I myself visited my grandparents there every summer and lived there for a couple of years. So there were a lot of people I knew as a child and relatives beyond the most closest related. And I got to pursue my family-gathering hobby of telling various relatives how old I now am :D (I look younger than I really am, so they always have to stop to contemplate the inexorable passage of time), while Mother got to boast about my PhD to relatives who've often rather looked down on her.

And the church all this was happening at is actually where I first learned to play as a tiny Anghraine (aged 8). The main church organist/pianist from then (now very elderly) was like "oh, Mary Elizabeth, you played so beautifully" and enough of 8-year-old me survives that I was enormously gratified. She also added, "And for so long, your back and hands are going to hurt so much later" which was some very welcome validation, lol.

[woofgender]

i'm trying to change my name with my car manufacturer's financial services company (so my car payments are under my new legal name). they don't even know about transgender name changes at this call center. they think i got married or perhaps divorced. henry the toyota financial services customer representative and i are both having a very confusing time on this phone call.

at one point he asked me, "what is the reason for the name change today?"

i replied, "uh...i had it changed legally?"

apparently this was all he needed. baffling!!

[prokopetz]

That liminal space where an artist you follow has switched their social media avatar from a trending anime girl to a female OC, the he/him pronouns have quietly vanished from their bio, and their drawings of cartoon ladies with big boobs have taken on a distinctly aspirational cast, but they haven't publicly said anything, so you've gotta keep your damn mouth shut.

[icescrabblerjerky]

#I'm probably trans but god made a cow wall so idrc about that right now

i love the way the way the locked tomb does gender. like gideon is butch, undeniably, but also can you really be gender non conforming when there’s no real image of gender to conform to in the first place? palamedes and pyrrah aren’t NOT trans in nona; their souls are trapped in different bodies, and those bodies ARE the wrong gender but also that’s literally the least of their problems. ianthe is pretty firmly in the box we would label “femme” and she’s simultaneously the princess of ida and a tower prince. but that’s also the least of her problems she’s literally puppetting a dead body around. nona experiences dysphoria about her body (harrow’s body and the barbie body) but that’s because she’s literally the soul of a planet trapped in a meat prison. any shaped meat prison would be bad.

like i wouldn’t call the locked tomb a “post gender” world, but they seem to all basically have the attitude of “i don’t have time for gender right now we’re trapped at the murder mystery dinner party from hell and someone stole god’s sperm we have bigger problems”

[caterjunes]

i loved having my mom visit for the eclipse but it would be just SO great if she would stop accidentally misgendering me. it's infrequent but jesus christ, i've been out for more than four years now. each time it happens it's devastatingly obvious that she has not put in the appropriate amount of mental effort or practice time.

[woofgender]

whoever previously checked out this library book about trans history in China was using this as a bookmark 🥹🥰

[drawerbread]

Happy pride month everyone! Here's some silly gh drawings to celebrate (vague college au?)

[anghraine]

I feel it's worth mentioning that in the context of the episode itself, Nomad doesn't perceive Kirk or itself in gendered terms at all (it only understands organic beings as "units"). Nomad calls him "Creator" because it's confused him with its literal creator, a man named Jackson Roykirk. Kirk alone is the one who jumps from "male creator" to "yikes/lol I'm a mom now" (depending on the occasion) and Spock just shrugs and runs with it.

(This also pretty directly mirrors "Charlie X," where unlike in "The Changeling," Kirk flatly refuses to take on the paternal role that Charlie and McCoy project onto him until he has no real alternative, and is intensely uncomfortable being boxed into Strong Masculine Role Model. He's ultimately unable to hold onto that authority with Charlie and they're saved by the deus ex machina of the Thasians at the end, while in "The Changeling," Kirk leverages his maternal-according-to-him authority to get Nomad to self-destruct and succeeds without outside help.)

Kirk is not ready for motherhood.

[thestyleofblackneutrality]

Grills will always be gender neutral, my dear.

[emmyrosee]

“Just one more,” you mewl.

“Oh my god.”

Sae has to leave. It’s past the point of him responsibly leaving, to now, where there’s no choice of him having to leave now, if he wants any chance of making it to practice on time.

But you, however, are seemingly far from getting your Itoshi Sae fix, not wanting to be far from him at all: you whimpered and whined when he got up for his run, you snuck into his shower with him, you looped your arms around his waist while he made his lunch, now you’ve got his face gripped in your hands, sponging kisses over him.

At first, sure, he loved the attention.

But Itoshi Sae has to leave. Four minutes ago.

“Hey,” he sighs softly, trying to push your shoulders back to peel you off of him. “You know I have to go. Don’t make this harder for me.”

“You don’t have to go,” you say simply. “You and I can just be hermits forever, hide here for the rest of our lives and cuddle forever.”

Tempting. Not that he’d ever tell you that.

“Don’t you want to stay here forever with me?”

He clicks his tongue, “you know I absolutely would if I could. But,” he makes a move to step away, and you whine and squeeze tighter. “I have to go. Then, when I come home, I’ll be able to tell you all about my day while we lay down. You like that.”

“I know I do, but,” you peer up at him with your lethal pout, “I like you being here more.”

Sae looks at the clock on the stove. Then back at you. Then he sighs and leans down to steal another kiss from you, slotting your lips with his. They move in harmony, eliciting small pants from you, and his hand cradles the back of your head lovingly. You mewl and rest your hands on his hips, letting the few seconds of heaven be savored between you.

When he finally pulls away, you’re smiling dopily, giddily, and Sae knows he hit the nail on the head.

You’d wanted a goodbye kiss. Sae always knows what you want from him, and in the morning, it just so happens to be a firm, loving, assuring goodbye kiss.

“Okay,” you purr, letting your hands roam over his back, compliant and melted in his arms. “You can go now. I’m happy.”

“You’re done with me?” He asks.

“Yeah, until tonight anyways,” you hum, kissing his chin. “Better go before I change my mind.”

He cracks a smirk, “you’re a real piece of work, you know that right?”

“What can I say?” You sigh dramatically. “I know how much you love a challenge.”

You’re right.

He really, really does.

[indigoire]

You're doing great work, thank you!

(source is Kanojo ni Naru Hi)

[blood-smiles]

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄! 𝐇𝐘𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐖 🔔🐮

INTRODUCING BRIAR!!!!

He is about 8 feet tall, has huge tits and loves you VERY MUCH!! IDK WHAT HE IS BUT GOES BY HE/HIM PRONOUNS!!

[jonpertwee]

I really wanna be a twunk but I have to work out.

[wired-right]

robot partner, who slowly replaces all of your human body parts and traits with technological ones until you can't recognize yourself

[anghraine]

It's always been intriguing to me that, even when Elizabeth hates Darcy and thinks he's genuinely a monstrous, predatory human being, she does not ever perceive him as sexually predatory. In fact, literally no one in the novel suggests or believes he is sexually dangerous at any point. There's not the slightest hint of that as a factor in the rumors surrounding him, even though eighteenth-century fiction writers very often linked masculine villainy to a possibility of sexual predation in the subtext or just text*. Austen herself does this over and over when it comes to the true villains of her novels.

Even as a supposed villain, though, Darcy is broadly understood to be predatory and callous towards men who are weaker than him in status, power, and personality—with no real hint of sexual threat about it at all (certainly none towards women). Darcy's "villainy" is overwhelmingly about abusing his socioeconomic power over other men, like Wickham and Bingley. This can have secondhand effects on women's lives, but as collateral damage. Nobody thinks he's targeting women.

In addition, Elizabeth's interpretations of Darcy in the first half of the book tend to involve associating him with relatively prestigious women by contrast to the men in his life (he's seen as extremely dissimilar from his male friends and, as a villain, from his father). So Elizabeth understands Darcy-as-villain not in terms of the popular, often very sexualized images of masculine villainy at the time, but in terms of rich women she personally despises like Caroline Bingley and Lady Catherine de Bourgh (and even Georgiana Darcy; Elizabeth assumes a lot about Georgiana in service of her hatred of Darcy before ever meeting her).

The only people in Elizabeth's own community who side with Darcy at this time are, interestingly, both women, and likely the highest-status unmarried women in her community: Charlotte Lucas and Jane Bennet. Both have some temperamental affinities with Darcy, and while it's not clear if he recognizes this, he quietly approves of them without even knowing they've been sticking up for him behind the scenes.

This concept of Darcy-as-villain is not just Elizabeth's, either. Darcy is never seen by anyone as a sexual threat no matter how "bad" he's supposed to be. No one is concerned about any danger he might pose to their daughters or sisters. Kitty is afraid of him, but because she's easily intimidated rather than any sense of actual peril. Even another man, Mr Bennet, seems genuinely surprised to discover late in the novel that Darcy experiences attraction to anything other than his own ego.

I was thinking about this because of how often the concept of Darcy as an anti-hero before Elizabeth "fixes him" seems caught up in a hypermasculine, sexually dangerous, bad boy image of him that even people who actively hate him in the novel never subscribe to or remotely imply. Wickham doesn't suggest anything of the kind, Elizabeth doesn't, the various gossips of Meryton don't, Mr Bennet and the Gardiners don't, nobody does. If anything, he's perceived as cold and sexless.

Wickham in particular defines Darcy's villainy in opposition to the patriarchal ideal his father represented. Wickham's version of their history works to link Darcy to Lady Anne, Lady Catherine (primarily), and Georgiana rather than any kind of masculine sexuality. This version of Darcy is a villain who colludes with unsympathetic high-status women to harm men of less power than themselves, but villain!Darcy poses no direct threat to women of any kind.

It's always seemed to me that there's a very strong tendency among fans and academics to frame Darcy as this ultra-gendered figure with some kind of sexual menace going on, textually or subtextually. He's so often understood entirely in terms of masculinity and sexual desire, with his flaws closely tied to both (whether those flaws are his real ones, exaggerated, or entirely manufactured). Yet that doesn't seem to be his vibe to other characters in the story. There's a level at which he does not register to other characters as highly masculine in his affiliations, highly sexual, or in general as at all unsafe** to be around, even when they think he's a monster. And I kind of feel like this makes the revelations of his actual decency all along and his full-on heroism later easier to accept in the end.

------------

*The incompetently awful villain(?) in Sanditon, for instance, imagines himself another Lovelace (a reference to the famous rapist-villain of Samuel Richardson's Clarissa). Evelina's sheltered education and lack of protectors makes her vulnerable to sexual exploitation in Frances Burney's Evelina, though she ultimately manages to avoid it. There's frequently an element of sexual predation in Gothic novels even of very different kinds (e.g. Ann Radcliffe's The Mysteries of Udolpho and Matthew Lewis's The Monk both lean into this, in their wildly dissimilar styles). William Godwin's novel Caleb Williams, a book mostly about the destructive evils of class hierarchies and landowning classes specifically, depicts the mutual obsession of the genteel villain Falkland and working class hero Caleb in notoriously homoerotic terms (Godwin himself added a preface in 1832 saying, "Falkland was my Bluebeard, who had perpetrated atrocious crimes ... Caleb Williams was the wife"). This list could go on for a very long time.

**Darcy is also not usually perceived by other characters as a particularly sexual, highly masculine person in a safe way, either, even once his true character is known. Elizabeth emphasizes the resilience of Darcy's love for her more than the passionate intensity they both evidently feel; in the later book, she does sometimes makes assumptions about his true feelings or intentions based on his gender, but these assumptions are pretty much invariably shown to be wrong. In general the cast is completely oblivious to the attraction he does feel; even Charlotte, who wonders about something in that quarter, ends up doubting her own suspicions and wonders if he's just very absent-minded.

The novel emphasizes that he is physically attractive, but it goes to pains to distinguish this from Wickham's sex appeal or the charisma of a Bingley or Fitzwilliam. Mr Bennet (as mentioned above) seems to have assumed Darcy is functionally asexual, insofar as he has a concept of that. Most of the fandom-beloved moments in which Darcy is framed as highly sexual, or where he himself is sexualized for the audience, are very significantly changed in adaptation or just invented altogether for the adaptations they appear in. Darcy watching Elizabeth after his bath in the 1995 is invented for that version, him snapping at Elizabeth in their debates out of UST is a persistent change from his smiling banter with her in the book, the fencing to purge his feelings is invented, the pond swim/wet shirt is invented. In the 2005 P&P, the instant reaction to Elizabeth is invented, the hand flex of repressed passion is invented, the Netherfield Ball dance as anything but an exercise in mutual frustration is invented, the near-kiss after the proposal in invented, etc. And in those as well, he's never presented as sexually predatory, not even as a "villain."

[icarusfallsblog]

my body is the worst most uncomfortable place ive ever lived in