#also I hope this makes sense I have the worst headache but I didn't want to leave this unanswered

[jaycetclis]

i maybe could see it like. buck having found a new context for himself and just trying to figure out again what works for him? like yeah it didn't work before but before he didn't experience/understand his attraction in the same light? not trying to make it right but sometimes being able to name things/label them gives you a whole new perspective/way to discover yourself in a new light/context. idk i'm just trying to trust the writers here

that's the thing, though. Buck has discovered himself so many times over already. and I know there isn't a limit on self-discovery, and I'm not trying to say that he isn't going to experience even more of that. but him sleeping around within this new context (being bi) isn't the thing that bothers me. the thing that bothers me is that he literally says that Abby helped him redefine what he wanted in his life, in his relationships. and that was the stability that sleeping around didn't offer him in the past. and he's been searching for that stability ever since she left him, and when he finally gets with Tommy, it truly does seem like he's finally found the person that could give him that. and then it all blows up in his face so suddenly, and instead of trying to fight for it, fight for them, Buck's just gonna shrug it off and go sleep around? like I'm sorry, I want to trust the writers too, but I'm having a really hard time doing that at the moment...

[grandline-fics]

I'm so in love with your writing, I'd love to see the "one bed trope" from you! Maybe a little suggestive, as far as you're comfortable, of course.

DESCRIPTION: There was only one bed

WARNINGS:  nothing too suggestive, more on the fluff side

CHARACTERS: Mihawk, Shanks

WORDS: 2,065

A/N: Thank you so much for this request. I didn't know which characters you wanted so used the most popular form the recent poll. I had intended to do Ace as well but only had the energy to get something done for Shanks and Mihawk. I love this trope so much that i'll probably do more parts in the future. I hope you're happy with what I came up with and I'm sorry I didn't make it suggestive.

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

DIRECTORY | PROMPT LIST

———————

MIHAWK

You were going to kill Crocodile. Not only did he order you to the tiniest island you’d seen in a long while, were the only thing in abundance seemed to be gloomy expressions but he also insisted you go to ‘keep an eye on' Mihawk. Since you considered Crocodile your main superior-a perspective you hadn't dropped since your Baroque Works days- you couldn't exactly refuse the assignment but it just made zero sense for you to be here. For starters Mihawk worked alone and efficiently enough that he didn’t require anyone to look out for him. Plus ‘observation’ wasn’t your usual role in Cross Guild. Normally Crocodile handed you a bounty list, told you to pick one and go get them. 

This was just one big headache and to make matters worse after scouring the entire island a call came through from Crocodile saying the bounty had already been completed and just handed in. Now you really were going to kill your boss, but from the look on Mihawk’s face it seemed you would have to get in line. From the receiver, Crocodile’s laugh caught both of your attentions.  “Look these things happen so stop pouting. Just make your way back to Cross Guild.”

Mihawk didn’t offer a response and ended the call, walking out of the alley you’d both stopped at to take the call. Silently you fell into step beside the former Warlord, walking the streets of the island for what felt like the hundredth time already. You let out a sigh of relief to see the inn come into view, now the only thing on your mind was trying to get a good night’s sleep and calm your annoyance at the whole situation. You couldn’t even muster a polite smile to the receptionist at the desk. “Two please.”

“Oh.” The receptionist glanced between you and Mihawk, her expression trained with years of experience to appear calm but you both saw the flicker of nervousness in her eyes for the smallest moment. “I’m sorry but we’re booked almost to capacity.”

“You’re joking.” You muttered. Why was everything going against you today? “You have nothing left?”

“W-well we’re a small island. Rooms go fast but we do have one room available.” You and Mihawk exchanged a look, both composed. Then the receptionist had to uselessly add. “Only one bed…” With a sigh you held out your hand for the key, knowing there wasn't much choice. Muttering thanks you glanced at the number of the keyring and headed for your room for the night. Stepping inside you found it lived up to your very low expectations but at least it was clean. Silently you eyed the bed you would have to share and looked to your stoic roommate. “So which side of the bed do you want?” 

As expected Mihawk was mature and respectable about the whole thing. Calm as ever he chose his side-the one closest to the door- and settled in for the night. Mihawk’s ability to fall over to sleep at ease was enviable because in the dark you could hear his deep, even breaths as he slept facing away from you. As tired as you were and as comfortable as you normally did feel in Mihawk’s presence you just couldn’t fall asleep. While the bed you lay in wasn't the worst you’d ever had to sleep in, it wasn’t the comfiest and living at Cross Guild had practically spoiled you. You’d gotten so used to stretching out, something you couldn’t exactly do at this moment. 

Deciding to just make do with your half of the bed and not disturb Mihawk, you rolled onto your side with the intention of getting comfortable. The only problem was you’d vastly overestimated the room you had to move and could only gasp as you felt the bed disappear from under you. In a split second as you braced to hit the ground, you were instead caught by a pair of hands. With ease you were pulled back onto the bed and you tensed to feel your back make contact with the warmth of Mhawk’s chest. “Sorry for waking you.”

“It’s fine, just sleep.” He told you while pulling one arm back to tuck his hand under his pillow. You tried not to react to how sleep brought Mihawk’s voice to a lower register that made it so much more attractive to you. You only nodded at his instruction and shifted slightly, already so much more comfortable than you had been all night. The only thing now was you noticed Mihawk still had one arm loosely draped over your body, not quite holding you but still enveloping you in his touch. “This is only to keep you from falling out of the bed again.”

“I didn’t say anything…” You mused, lips curving into a teasing smile that Mihawk could practically hear in the dark. “If you wanted to cuddle all you had to do was ask.”

“Don’t make me kick you out of this bed.” Mihawk warned in your ear, despite the threat you smirked to feel his arm over you tighten just a little. 

“Relax, your secret is safe with me.” Ordinarily you would have teased him a little more but between the tiredness finally winning over you and the warmth of his body against yours being so comforting. For a moment Mihawk wondered if you were genuinely comfortable against him, ready to release you at the first sign of unease. Yet you surprised him when you yawned and lazily placed your hand over his arm and smile in satisfaction as your eyes slid closed, your breathing evening out as you fell asleep.

Mihawk had been taking his time to slowly get to know you and let you in little by little, but now watching you roll onto your other side and curl up against his chest he began to reconsider his actions. Perhaps a few more missions away from Cross Guild’s base wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.

SHANKS

This type of situation should not be happening in this day and age. Not with your crew and Captain having the reputation and fame they had. Drawing names to see who was sharing rooms of all things reminded you of when the crew was only just forming and the coin to pay for individual rooms was a luxury. Some of the others on the crew shared your slight annoyance but you all knew that there wasn’t much you could do about it. The ship needed repairs after getting damaged in a ferocious storm with the sleeping quarters affected and unusable for now. You were all pirates after all and you supposed you needed to be reminded of that. 

Still though you were secretly hoping you were one of the lucky ones who got their own room. You mentally cursed when Ben pulled out a slip of paper and read your name out. Resigned to your fate you grabbed your drink and took a plentiful mouthful as the vice-captain grabbed another piece of paper to announce your roommate for the night. As you wiped the stray remnant of the liquid from your lip you spotted the man pause and fight a laugh, disguising his amusement by rubbing the lower half of his face. “Captain Shanks.” 

Your back went rigid and you ignored the burning stares of the rest of the crew as you instead turned your attention to the man in question. Even he seemed momentarily thrown by the announcement but he recovered swiftly as expected of the laidback man. His dark eyes met your gaze and he offered you a cheeky smile and a wink.

That night when all the drinking had been done you and Shanks stepped into your shared room. Without needed to consult on anything you both instinctively went to your preferred side of the bed to sleep on. You sat down and worked on kicking off your shoes and shrugging out of your coat to at least be a little comfier. You looked over your shoulder when Shanks lightly cleared his throat as he pulled back the cover to settle down on the mattress. “Problem Cap?”

“Not really.” Shanks mused with a sly smile. “I usually sleep naked is all.”

“Poor baby, I’m sure you can be brave and at least keep your trousers on for one night.” You teased, used to your Captain’s antics and knowing he was only making jokes to ease the slight tension at having to share like this. With a tired groan you settled down on your side of the bed as Shanks flicked off the light, bringing the room fully into darkness. “If not the barmaid should still be about to help you.”

“And downgrade my sleeping partner? I’d rather lose another limb.” Shanks told you dramatically, offended you’d suggest such a thing. You let out a huff of amusement and rolled your eyes as you stared tiredly at the ceiling, letting yourself grow more comfortable against the mattress. “I lost count how many of the crew wanted me to swap with them…”

“Uh-huh.“ You mused with a lazy smile before breaking out into a long yawn, sleep coming over you quickly now. “Well aren’t you lucky? Now go to sleep, ‘kay?”

“Can I at least get a good night kiss?” Shanks teased lightly, playfully tapping your nose and grinning in the darkened room to see your tired face scrunch up slightly. He’d said it as a joke, something for you to barely register in your mind as you drifted off to sleep. What he hadn’t expected though was you to roll onto your side and push yourself up with a low hum of sleepiness, not even bothering to open your eyes fully. 

He watched silently, completely overcome with curiosity as your hand reached out to skim your fingers against his face, searching for him in the dark. Your hand settled against his cheek and slowly you drew closer. With half-lidded eyes Shanks couldn’t take his gaze off of your slightly parted lips. 

“Shanks…” your voice was barely a breathy whisper but it was clear as a bell to Shanks, his attention raptly on you and only you. Quickly you pulled back just enough and opened your eyes to smirk slightly to see Shanks had leant in slightly to chase your lips he had been quietly eager to taste.

“You’re killing me here, love.” Shanks protested with a small pout, his hand dropping to the small of your back, fingers flexing slightly a gesture, to request you close the distance. He wasn’t forcing you, you had all the power here. You tilted your head and smiled at the sudden pet-name. You couldn’t deny the temptation to give in to your own idle curiosities about your handsome Captain. Given how you were sharing a bed and he'd requested a kiss you would have been foolish to throw away the opportunity you had. Still you had to at least get a little bit more fun out of it by keeping Shanks in momentary suspense. 

Finally you relented and kissed Shanks, your lips moving languidly against his; it being no surprise to you the he was already returning the action with no hesitancy. There was no fight for dominance in the kiss you shared but you could feel the power and command of Shanks’ presence over you but he left the pace, duration, and intensity entirely up to you. As much as you wanted to take it further, to push your curiosity and attraction towards the man against you for your own satisfaction you had to pull away reluctantly, knowing you wouldn’t have been able to enjoy what would follow fully with how tired you were. “Satisfied with your good night kiss, Captain?”

“You have no idea.” Shanks grinned pressing a quick kiss against your head as you settled down on the bed again. “I can now sleep peacefully and dream the sweetest dreams.”

“Good.” You grinned sleepily, opening your eyes just enough to fix him a playful smile. “I expect a good morning kiss in return by the way.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, love.” Shanks grinned at you, already counting down the hours until he got to feel his lips against yours again but for now he would enjoy the time he had to sleep beside you.

——————————————-

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[mrsjavierpena]

not (un)expected | part 1

javier peña x f!secretary!reader

summary: Javier has one, only one very strict policy: to not ever fuck a co-worker; specially if that co-worker is his own secretary. but you make it such a hard promise to keep

chapter warnings: narcos' spoilers, smut, grinding, unprotected p in v, kind of exhibitionism, (light?) angst, a lot of cursing (its javier pena), kinda slow burn/slow start, unspecified age gap, work dynamics, reader has no name/descripition (but has hair long enough to pull), no use of 'y/n'

IMPORTANT: English is not my first language, i've done my best with grammar but there will be mistakes (fuck prepositions i hate them), so pls overlook those

wordcount: 7k

an: this is part one of a two part story; feel free to reblog and leave your comment. im so happy with the reception of this fic, its my first time posting something here, thank you guys so much for the support - also, if you want to be tagged in part two (really don't know when is coming out) just lmk in the comments.

hope you enjoy!

Javier was known for being an asshole.

Everyone in the office called him that; not to his face, of course, since he was the boss, but he knew, and honestly? He kind of did it on purpose. Being sent back to Colombia to be the CIA puppy didn't in fact thrilled him, but he also wasn't there to make friends. A little bit later than one month into his new position and Javier had already changed secretaries twice. Just by being himself.

The first one was a kind old lady that liked to talk a little bit too much for Javi's taste - which was none. To be fair, he tried to handle her. He listened to her talking of her yougest child finishing college, but she asked him if maybe he could get him a job at the deparment - what in the actual fuck? -, she felt the need to tell him that her older one and his wife were trying to have a baby - he wondered what gave her the impression he wanted to know that her son was fucking someone raw. She just wouldn't shut up. She left not much after a month, at his first snap - took him too long, to be honest.

The last one was a young man fresh out of the academy, who thanked him for the opportunity every time he saw him - which, since he was just outside his office, was pretty often. Despite how thankful he was for the job, he wasn't very interested in working, at least not as he was to flirting with another secretary in the floor below. But that wasn't the worst part, the kid had no idea what he was supposed to do and would go ask Javier for help for every task given to him - he swore he was shaking everytime. Javi didn't care that he was young and was learning, he didn't receive enough to raise a child at work. Didn't last a week.

Javier had headaches just by the thought of who would be sent next. With his current luck, it could be his ex-fiancée. He definitely didn't expect you knocking on his office door and introducing yourself as his new secretary. He was speechless for a moment; you were the combo of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life with a killing black pencil skirt, so tight it showed all your curves. You gave him a firm handshake and asked if he needed anything from you, and, when he denied, that was it. You went to your desk; didn't ask him questions, didn't tell him your whole life, didn't thank him for an opportunity he didn't give you, just went to do your work.

For a while, Javier was glad that you didn't give him any trouble, but that was until you quickly learned his habits. As soon as he arrived the office, you would receive him with a polite smile, a cup of black coffee and his schedule for the day. When he dove into files and forgot he was a person, you would bring him his lunch and wouldn't leave until he had at least a bite - as if he was a kid, what an absurd -, you would sense when he was stressed and would excuse yourself into his office with coffee and a pack of cigarettes and leave without saying a word.

He hated how much he appreciated that - even worse, how he liked that. It didn't take long for him to want to fuck you, to become obssessed with you. And it wasn't just him, he could see every other men in the department - single or not - turn their neck as they watched you pass by. But it was not just that you were hot, you were nice too; he would watch you from his office - not in a creepy way, though, he just didn't have anything much better to do - and you would distribute smiles and polite greetings to every soul that passed your desk, people would constantly stop by to small talk with you and you would let them be for five minutes or so before politely dismiss them to go back to work. Every fucking body there adored you.

Things had always been very professional between you both. Javi held back his flirty instinct and you- well, you didn't even seem interested in him at all. That was untill a very stressfull friday with Stechner giving him shit again. He left the building straigh to the bar, ready to drown himself on whiskey and find a quick fuck for the night, not expecting at all to find you aparently doing the same. Javier considered just ignoring you and go sitting with one of the women that turned their heads in his direction as soon as he entered, but something inside of him made him take the few steps to the bar and get the stool beside where you sat.

You almost spilled your drink when he approached.

"Sorry" you coughed "Wasn't expecting to see you here"

Your body language told him that you weren't comfortable with him there, he saw your backs getting as straight as when you were at work, and immediately regretted joining you.

"Well, that makes it two of us" he raised his hand to order his drink "What's the occasion?" he points to your drink with his chin.

Your grip on your glass seemed to tighten and you took one very long sip before answering dryly "I could ask you the same"

"Work" he raised his brows "It's always work"

"Did something happen after I left?" you pinched your brows.

"No, no, just people giving me shit"

"Oh, I see..." you sighed and silence fell between you.

"So..."

"Well..." you both started talking together and laughed akwardly.

"You go" you said.

"Am I bothering you? Cause I didn't mean to, I can sit somewhere else" he didn't even know why he was asking, he should've just said goodbye and left. He was already standing when your hand found his arm.

You sighed heavily "No, not at all, I'm sorry I gave that impression, sir" you seemed genuine, that's why he sat back "I'm just stressed"

Sir. Why were you calling him sir in a bar?

"Do you want to talk about it? If there's something bothering you we can discuss it and sol-"

"It's not work related" you were quick to interrupt "Work is, honestly, the simplest part of my life right now"

"Things must be pretty bad then, 'cause I see the amount of papers on your desk everyday" that made you chucke "The offer still stands, if you want to"

You took a big breath before dropping the bomb "Broke up with my boyfriend"

Now that was a new territory. He knew absolutly nothing about your life besides you moving to Colombia from the United States; he didn't know anything from your life back there, not your family, friends, definitely not about your boyfriend; and now, somehow, knowing you didn't have one anymore made it even harder for him not to want you.

"What happened?"

"Well, actually, it seems like we had already broken up a while ago and he just forgot to send the memo" you drank your whole half glass all at once ", since he was fucking every pussy that crossed his fucking way"

He was stunned. One thing about Javier was that he was never to deny any woman; honestly, he found every body attractive and apreciatted every woman that gave herself to him. He couldn't say he had a type, but you, with what he saw with your clothes on? He would fuck you every minute of everyday he could. It was absurd to believe someone would give up on you.

"Damn!" he couldn't help but say loudly, making your eyes go wide as if just then realising what you had just said.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. I apologise, sir"

"You don't- don't apologise" he almost raised his hand to touch you, but stopped himself before "How did you find out?" you looked at him with raised brows "If you don't mind me asking"

"One of my friends called me last night and told me. She saw him at a bar with two women" you laughed, but there was no humor to be found.

"And you were still smiling at everyone at work today" he was impressed.

You smirked at him "Don't let my personal life mix with work, sir"

"Smart woman" he nods "We for sure have a reason to drink, then" waving his hand to the barman "Let me buy you one"

You don't even bother to refuse.

After three more glasses of what he found out was tequila, your shoulders were much more relaxed and so was your tongue. He found out that you and your ex had been dating for six years when you got the opportunity of job and had to move; two months had passed already.

"And you know what the worst part is?" your laugh is dry "I don't even feel bad because my heart is broken or any shit like that, it's just that is so fucking humiliating" you groaned with your hands on your face "I'm from a small town, you know, by now every soul there knows what he's been doing"

He had to laugh "That's what you're worried about?" you looked at him with false ofense.

"It's my honor we're talking about here!" he laughed even more "It's silly, I know..." you sigh shakly as you take another sip of your drink "But it is humbiling, being cheated on"

"I can't fucking believe anyone could ever cheat on you" he thought. At least he thought he did, but by the way you were looking at him - pinched brows and a curious look in your face, he had to have said it out loud "I mean, only shitty people cheat on nice people. Only shitty people cheat, that's it."

You nodded after a few seconds of silence "You're right, sir"

"You should stop calling me sir"

"I don't think so"

"Why not? We're already half drunk together at a shitty bar"

"Because you're still my boss"

Without any response to that, he looks at you. Really looks at you. Your eyes glassy from the alcohol, red puffy lips looking more appealing than ever... It would have been so easy to just lean in and kiss you. When his eyes came back to yours, it almost seemed like they were on his lips too, that you were leaning in too, that you desired him as much as he desired you and... Then it was not there anymore. Suddenly, you seemed farther than ever, backs as streight as always and eyes avoiding his.

"I should go home"

He agreed. He put you on a cab. He wished you a goodnight.

Then went back to the bar to find someone to not spend the night alone.

The next Monday, though, you seemed even more professional than ever. Wouldn't be around him more than the necessary, wouldn't look him in the eyes and it fucking bothered him.

"Yes, sir?" you entered his office after he called your name.

He sighs as he looked you up and down, his eyes lingering to your skirt pressing against your tights "How are you?"

"I'm fine" you hesitated "Why do you ask? Is something wrong?"

"Lying to me, 's all" your eyes went wide "Listen, last night-"

Your nostrils flared, your hands clenching into fists; you took a deep breath before interrupting him "I am fine"

"Ok, then" he raised his hands in defensiveness "It's just that last night-"

"Last night I was drunk!" you passed your hands through your face "I said things I shouldn't have and I am embarressed and would very much appreciate if we pretended that it never happened"

Javier was silent for a moment. He understandood your apprehension, but damn if he wasn't dismayed by it.

"Alright, 'm sorry I brought it up. But just to let you know, you don't have anything to be embarressed for, you have my word that I wouldn't hold any if that against you and..." and it was nice to talk to you "Yeah, don't worry about that"

You looked at him for a few seconds before nodding "You need anything else, sir?"

Many things, yeah. For starters, you calling him by his name; second, being able to have a casual conversation with you when alcohol isn't envolved and third, your fucking clothes off because he got embarrassingly hard just by looking at you. But instead, he only denied and you left before any other word could leave his mouth.

Javi knew it was for the best. Fucking you would be no good - well, he'd bet it would be hot as shit, but too much trouble for a one night stand. He had a whole city to fool around with, to be focused in someone from his work place, his own secretary, was nonsense. You never even gave him any hint you wanted him, if anything, the actual opposite; you told him yourself last night, personal life away from work.

Javi made sure to remember all that.

➫

He didn't keep those thoughts for long, though.

A few days later, you met at a bar once again. A better one this time and with half of the office joined. It was Feistl's birthday and he invited the whole department for drinks. Nobody could hide their surprise when Javi aproached them; usually, he wouldn't attend this type of gathering, in his rarely free times, he better prefered the company of a good whiskey and a woman, and his colleagues knew that. His employee had invited him just to be polite and that was clear, but he knew you were going to be there, Javi just wanted one more opportunity to prove to himself that you didn't feel the same way he did, that he didn't have the same effect on you that you had on him. Once that prooved, he could move on. So he was there on a mission, trying to be the most discrete he could as he watched you from afar.

The two of you seemed to be the reflexion of each other from across the table, tense bodies and drinks in hand, the only difference being you talking with your colleagues and him not making the effort. To his defense, people weren't trying to talk to him either. Honestly, Javier kind of felt like it wasn't just that they were surprised to see him there, it felt like they didn't want him there at all by some looks he was receiving.

He was okay with that, he guessed, he would much rather analyse your behavior outside work. You didn't seem to change much, honestly; maybe your smile were a little bit more genuine, but the conversations were pretty much the same he heard you have back in the office and it could have been the larger amount of alcohol in your system that night, yeah, but you seemed more relaxed alone with him.

After half an hour there, Javi couldn't bring himself to talk to you, you seemed too interested in a conversation about the new coffee pot in the scullery with another secretary. He was getting frustrated, in another times he would interrupt the other woman and flirt with you effortlessly; it probably had to do with the environment, you were surronded by co-workers, or maybe he was losing his touch - it was almost like he was too afraid to make the move.

Javi decided to leave soon after one hour there. He congratulated Feistl for his birthday, said goodbye to whoever recognized his leaving, paid his bill and passed through the door.

"Hey" he turned around at the sound of your voice, seeing you walking towards him "Are you ok?"

He ran his hand over his chin "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know" you shrugged "you kind of ran out of the bar"

"'S fine, you should go back inside" Javi pointed at the entrace with his chin.

You tilt your head to the side "I don't really believe you"

"I'm not asking you to" he crossed his arms "And, what, you wanna talk now? You've been quiet at work all week"

"We're not at work, though, are we?" you were quick to answer.

Javi looked you up and down "No, we're not"

"You know" you took a few steps forward ", it's not like they don't like you, they are just kind of scared of you"

Were you watching him too? Why would you say that? How would you notice?

He furrowed his eyebrows "Scared of me? Why?"

You looked at him with yours raised "You know how you act at work, don't you?"

Javi sighed and looked away. He did act like an asshole at work, it didn't seem to bother you, though. Your gazes met again as silence fell between the two of you and he decided to take the few steps left to get you as close as you never got before.

"Are you scared of me?"

You kept your eyes locked as you answered "No. You're not as bad as you think you are" you licked your lips "At least not with me"

The air thickend between the two of you, the only sound being the noises of a night in Colombia. There was no way you were not feeling that too, the way your bodies seemed to linger to each other's direction. He's sure he's not imagining the way your breath heaved, how your chest expansed, the brightness in your eyes.

No, that was real, he was not mistaking it.

A voice broke the tension, you taking a few steps back to a safe distant from him. You both looked in the direction of the sound: a woman was calling you, the same woman you talked all night, at the entrance of the bar, a few feet away from where the both of you stood.

"Maybe if you went back there and paid the next round..." he swore he saw expectancy in your eyes.

"Maybe another time" you nodded; you both knew it wouldn't happen.

You looked at him one last time before walking away "Good night, sir"

Javi nodded even though you weren't looking anymore and his eyes followed the sweet swing of your hips as you made your way back to the bar. He could hear the woman asking what it was about:

"Nothing" you answered.

He would disagree.

➫

Javier was in a terrible, terrible mood. Things weren't going how he thought they would go, not even close to it. Feistl got a good lead about the Rodriguez brothers, one worth following, and he could do nothing about it; had to look to his subordinate and say no to his face. In the beggining, Javi had plans on reediming himself by catching Los Pepes, making amends with the city and it's people by arresting those who he felt like helped to ascend. He felt like a failure, and by the look on Feistl face, he thought so too. To worsen everything, as if it could get any, he had a huge, massive amount of piles to go through.

He lifted his eyes from the paper for the first time in hours when you knocked at the door. He knew your shift had ended a couple of hours ago, but you decided to finish the paperwork of the day so it wouldn't affect his own work the next morning, even though you couldn't have finished it on time because of the extra work put over you. It was something he frequently saw you doing, leaving much later than the others.

"I am leaving, sir. Is there something I could do for you?"

He scratched his chin and sighed heavily "Well, if you could make this fucking paperwork disappear I would built a statue of you"

You exiled a short laugh "I'm afraid that's not possible, sir"

"No, it's not" he reclined on his chair and looked at your body on the frame for a few seconds "Have a goodnight"

You nodded and left. He stood up to get a drink right after, hearing some noises outside that must have been you grabing your stuff. You were probably the last person on the floor besides him, and soon enough he would be alone, like he had been for so many nights, working until late, only able to go home to shower and come back. It wasn't much trouble, though, it's not like he could sleep even if he had the time.

A soft knock on the door surprised him, glass and bottle on each hand.

"Sorry to bother again" you said with only your head in the room after he told you to come in "But do you want help?"

He looked at you, at the pile and then at you again "You wanna help me with that?" you nodded "Why?"

"Nothing better to do" you shruged.

He should've said no. Should've told you to go home and have some rest.

He should have, yes.

"Have a sit" he pointed to the couch with the piles of papers he's been on for the last three hours.

You closed the door behind you and something on his skin tingled. You had never been this alone.

"Want a drink?" you didn't hesitate in accepting, as if waiting for him to offer.

Javier poured you one too and handed you the glass, something you thanked him for as you took a sip and he sitted beside you. You two stayed in silence reading, the only sound being the papers as you tossed them around.

"Can I give you an unasked opinion, sir?"

He almost laughed at that "Go ahead"

"You're separating these by topics, I see" he nodded "Taking one paper at the time and seeing what they are and then doing them separetly " he nodded again "I think it would be quicker if we made piles by the specific topics you have"

"You mean..."

"I mean" suddenly you stood up from the couch and knelt on the floor. Fortunally you didn't see his eyes going wide as you took a pile in your hands and put it beside you "You have a huge office, you should put the files on display and organize them better" you looked at him while taking the other piles "You helping?"

He smirked and hushed to help you. He liked this side of you; more relaxed, kind of bossy, tongue more loose... It was a shame you only showed him when there was alcohol running through your system.

"This, if you don't mind me saying, is how I organize the piles on your desk when I bring them to you, but you seem to prefer the hardest way"

Fuck, he was getting hard.

It was nuts. Absolutly nuts. What the fuck was happening, what effect was that you had on him? You did nothing but say a few dirty words without intention. Completely. Nuts.

"I do prefer the hard way" came out of his mouth before he could control it. If you didn't notice the double meaning or chose to ignore it, he didn't know "But I never noticed, no" he sighed "Honestly, I don't even know how it got to this point"

The paperwork, somehow, did accumulate, even though all he did of his life was working.

"I understand, I can see how you get lost in work" your focus was on the papers and you didn't seem to notice how he shifted on his place on the floor, trying to hide the beggining of an erection.

With your efficiency and new way of working, one hour and a half later and almost the whole paperwork gone, you're on your third glass and him on his fourth. He's used to drinking whiskey, but it was still alcohol, and it was making his skin buzz. You had already took off your blazer - his own gone hours ago - , wearing a thin blouse with a very modest neckline; your legs were crossed, making your skirt move up a little, and he was going crazy with just the tiny amount of skin you were showing.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead" you didn't even move your eyes from the paper.

"Why didn't you go home?"

You don't talk for a few seconds and he took the opportunity to stare "There's nothing waiting for me at home"

That got him thinking about your moving there. To go from a small town in the countryside to a city like Bogotá, not knowing a soul; you had acquaintances, yes, but he saw you that day at the bar, they surely were people you liked to be with, but were not friends of yours. Javi had been there, too, actually, if he would be honest with himself, he was still in the same situation. When he moved to Medellín, he had those people he could go out with and grab a drink after work, but that was all; at least until Steve came into the picture, the person he never thought he would befriend with, the only real friend he'd had in years.

"Yeah, I kind of get that" your eyes meet "Work until late for a reason"

"I guess we both need to get a life, then" you smirked.

"Cheers to that" he raised his glass to you, you did the same until it clicked with his "So, life... How is yours going?" he tried to act nonchalant by moving his eyes on the paper in his hand "With that ex-boyfriend thing and all"

Your laugh was low "Don't do that"

"Do what?" he raised his eyes again to find yours still on him.

You tilted your head to the side "Don't go down that road when we're like this"

"Like what?" he caught the exact moment your eyes fell to his lips, so he casually wet them with his tongue. If he wasn't so absorbed by the thickness in the air, he would have laughed at the way your eyes shut and your head fell back to rest on the couch.

"Drunk and... Not thinking straight"

Javi raised his eyebrows "I like the winding thoughts I'm having, though"

"Yeah" the look you gave him made him shiver.

Without breaking eye contact, Javi belted down his drink to gain courage and slowly moved his body until you were pressed side by side, giving you time to get your space again if you wanted to.

"This fine?" his voice was barely louder than a whisper.

You nodded.

"What if I wanted to kiss you right now?" he rested one forearm on the couch to lean his face closer to yours.

You gulped as you stared into his eyes "Then I think you should do it before we-"

He didn't give you the time to finish your sentence before his lips were on yours. Your lips were soft, he could taste the whiskey on your tongue as well with the gums you would chew all day. His right hand went straight to your jawline to lead the kiss. It was not a lulled kiss, neither a gentle one, Javier was ruthless, taking out on your lips all the built up tension from the last few months. He couldn't believe it was finally happening. You were quick to follow his pace, your fingers grasping his shirt and pulling him even closer. The first moan you let out get Javi even more eagered, his hand passing down your body to grab your ass. You took advantage of his action and, before he knew, you were climbing up his lap, knees on each side of his torso, and once you were fully sitted on his lap, you both couldn't contain a moan. At that point, your skirt barely covered half your ass; because of that, he figured that you wouldn't mind his hands slowly rubbing up your tights until they reached the fabric and rolled it up your waist.

Javi parted your mouths to take a good look at you on his lap, his eyes wandered from your heavy eyelids, your lips puffy and red from the kisses, your blouse-covered chest raising and falling as fast as his until they got to the black thong you were wearing and he couldn't help but moan "Oh, fuck me"

"You like them?" your mouth came down his neck to give him wet kisses.

"How wouldn't I?" he held you by the nape of the neck and brought your mouths together again "I've wanted this for so long"

You released some kind of laughter "I know"

"Oh, do you?" he raised his brows.

"You're not exactly subtle for an agent" you murmured between kisses.

He snorts "Well, thanks for the insight"

Javi couldn't resist the urge to touch you through the tiny piece of fabric and you moaned at the pressure at your clitoris, but he moaned too at the wetness he found.

Javi didn't ask you how long you had wanted him, you were grinding on his lap at that moment and that was all that mattered. But he wished you had said it, that you had desired him as much as he had desired you, that all this time he had been imagining this moment, you were imagining it too.

"Fuck baby, you are so wet already" his tongue licked a stripe on your neck "All this for me?"

You answer was muffled by a moan; it seemed positive, but before he could confirm you were linking your mouths again in a searing kiss.

You started moving your hips on his erection and you both moaned at the pressure. Suddenly, his torso is being pushed down to the ground, chests pressed against each other, your fingers tangled his hair and pushed and he fucking whimpered.

Jesus Christ, he was in heaven and was not even inside of you yet.

You grinded furiously against him and he found it absolutly beautiful how you were using him to pleasure yourself and was not embarressed to do so. So. Fucking. Hot.

He felt like he was coming in any second.

"Fuck, you keep doing that and will have me cumming on my fucking pants, bebita"

"Oh, say it again!"

"What? That I'm within seconds to cumming?"

You moaned loudly at that "No- I mean, that too, that's hot, but- oh fuck"

"Bebita?" he felt you shiver at the pet name and chuckled "You like that, huh?"

You grabbed the nape of his neck and lowered your head to crush your lips to his again, tongues fighting heatedly. Javi started to feel that heat boiling at the bottom of his stomach, his hips grinded against yours and the pressure were just perfect; by the sounds you were making, you were as close as he was. Javi reached for you ass and grabbed it with both of his hands and squeezed, adding even more pressure to the grindness. At last, he sucked the pulse in your neck and you started to shake above him; that combined with the sweet noises that came out of you, he was gone.

You collapse on top of him, fingers unconsciously running through his hair; his members were sore and he was so tired and satisfied that he could sleep right there. The both fo you took deep breaths while your head rested on the gap of his neck and his on the floor.

"I can't remember the last time I did this" he was the first to break the silence.

"I actually do this everyday to my pillow" you mumbered humurously and he moaned.

"Shit, you're gonna be the death of me" his hand ran up and down from your ass to your backs, loving the feeling of your curves.

You raised your head to find his eyes and the moment was gone. You both realizing what you just had done, the before contentedness in him that was mirrowed in your eyes then turning into panic.

"Shit" you clumsly stood up. You put your skirt down as quickly as you could.

"It's getting late" it was already late when you came to his office "I should go" you should stay, he wanted to say.

But instead he only nodded. He knew it was for the best. He shouldn't have let it come this far.

You quickly get your stuff and wishes him a goodnight. His eyes don't leave you until you pass through the door, yours, though, don't meet him once.

He stayed there on the floor, cum staining his pants, and even though he was fully clothed, the room had never felt colder.

➫

The next day was pure craziness. After you left his office, Javi went home, took a shower and lied in bed thinking of what had just happened between the two of you and what would happen from then on until he had to come back to work. Before he could even get to his office, you intercepted him with a cup of coffee and the news of a surprise and excruciating slow meeting with the ambassador, which led to another one with the CIA and then the atrocious combination of them both together. By the time Javi was freed from hell, everybody else were already leaving; due to your situation, he thaught that would be your case too, so he was surprised to see you still on your desk.

"I was waiting to see if you would need something else from me before I left" was your answer to the question on his face.

"I think I'm heading home too, actually" after a day like that, he felt like maybe he could even get some sleep.

He had work to do, yeah, and usually it didn't matter to him if his mind wasnt in the right place - it rarely was anyways -, but he knew nothing productive would result from working in that state. Javi also wanted to talk to you; he had so many thing in his mind, what he thought about during that whole previous night: he wanted you. So bad he didn't even know how to express it, so much he let himself cum in his pants just to get the little you were wailing to give to him. And he was concerned about what your reaction to that would be, because it was obvious that you wanted him too, but your actions showed him that you didn't want to want him. All those thoughts were consuming him, but it would have to wait for another day, he didn't think that was the right time, not at work. Maybe he could invite you for drinks and talk things through or-

"I was wondering if we could talk, too" you interrupt his thoughts "About yesterday"

If Javi wasn't a trained professional, he probably would've had his mouth opened in absolut shock. It was like you read his mind.

"Of course" you both looked around the department, the couple people remaining already preparing to leave. Still, he opened his office door and nodded for you to come in.

You were flustered, nervous even. Javi didn't know what to expect from that talk, he wished you would cave in to your needs and fuck him already, but he felt like you wouldn't be easy on him. Honestly, he couldn't read you.

The both of you stood akwardly in the middle of the room, door closed behind you. He waited patiantly for you to start talking, for you to take the lead of the conversation.

"So" you sighed "I wanted to apologise"

His face contorted in a deep frown "What for? You have nothing to apologise"

"I do, yes" you shook your head "It was completely irresponsible and unprofessional and we shouldn't have done that"

If you said you were embarressed last time, about the things you had said on the bar, Javi didn't know what you could possibly be feeling at that moment: your face was getting red, your eyes wouldn't meet his, your hands squeezed each other in your front; he kind of felt bad he was the cause of your discomfort.

"You didn't do anything by yourself"

"I jumped on you like a crazy-ass-horny woman!" over your shoulder, you look outside to see if there was anyone to witness your voice raising; there wasn't.

Javi could barely contain the smirk forcing itself upon his mouth at the memory of you riding him in that very same floor, just a few steps from where you stood. He really couldn't contain the beggining of an erection, though.

"And I loved that" you looked at him as if he was crazy for saying it "I did!" he took a few steps in your direction "And honestly, if anyone should be blamed it's me, I'm the boss, aren't I? The authority in the room or some shit like that"

The way you look at him said that you agreed, that he should be blamed too, should've had more self control, but you didn't say it and that made him smile, the way you still tried to keep your composure at work.

You sighed "Still, it wasn't right and I'm sorry"

"I'm not" he took another step towards you.

"It's not the point, sir"

"I don't think you are that sorry either" your brows raised in surprise "And fucking quit calling me 'sir' now, there's just us in here" another step.

"I'm just-" you shrugged "I'm trying to be professional, that's all"

"Baby we're a little too late for that now"

"Jesus Christ" you pinched the bridge of your nose, he could feel the frustration exhaling from you "You don't like to make things easy, do you?"

"What's the fun in that?" the joke landed flat "I have a proposal"

That got your attention "I don't think I like where this is going"

"Well, that's the thing" he took one more step "I think you do. You fucking grinded on me on this floor until we both came. You want me. What are you so afraid of?"

"You're my fucking boss!" your exasperation made him want to laugh and scream out of frustration at the same time "I like this job, I want to keep it"

"I would never put your job in risk"

"You can't be sure" it was true, Javi barely had a say in anything, but he would do anything in his power for you not to lose your job, especially because of him "And even if this" you pointed between the two of you "didn't make me lose it, it would be living hell if people found out"

"I can be discreet"

You crossed your arms "You're not taking me seriously"

"I am, I promise that I am" he really was "I just- You gave me a taste of what it would look like and now I'm starving for more" he scratched his chin, a little embarressed he let that slip out "I would do anything to have you for one night, we don't have to take work to the bedroom"

"Oh" you snorted "there's a bedroom in the scene now?"

"What?" he raised his brows "You thought I was fucking you in my office?" you went silent "You fucking did"

Javi is no romantic man, he thought about fucking you in every place possible, in the bathroom there, against the nearest wall, but when truly thinking about taking you, it would always be in a bedroom, somewhere you both would be able to take your time.

"Do you fantasize about it?" a step closer "Do you touch yourself thinking about me?" your eyes wouldn't meet his, so he carefully took your chin and angled your head until they did "Where?"

You gulped "Where what?"

"Where did you imagine?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Your desk"

"Fucking dirty woman" he smirked "I'm gonna fuck you on my desk, bebita" he took you by the waist, colliding your body to his "And on my couch" his nose traveled from your cheek to your neck "On the fucking window so eveyone can see how pretty you will look with my cock deep inside of you"

"Shit" your voice broke, breathless.

"Do you want it? Huh? To be full of my cock?" you nodded "I want words"

"Yes" you puffed.

"Yes what?"

You looked at him with a defiant look "Yes, sir"

He had to laugh "You are the worst"

His lips collided with yours with so much fierceness he was surprised they didn't start bleeding. His hands were all over your body, your breasts, your back, your ass. You pulled his hair with both hands and he moaned. Javi wanted you so bad it hurt. He decided to be bold and lifted you skirt to your waist, then placed you sitted on the edge of his desk, each of your legs on each side of his hips, pushing everything that was on your way to the floor, paying no attention to anything that wasn't you.

"I hate how you kiss me" you mumbled frustrated between kisses and he pinched his brows.

"You have a very distinct way to hate things"

"You just do it so well" your hands covered his cheeks "Makes me want to do this everyday"

Javi couldn't help but to smirk "I don't see why we can't"

"Yes, you do"

"All I see is a gorgeous woman with tasteful lips" he reached your covered mound and passed a finger through your folds, making you moan loudly ", wet lips" he smirked "telling me she wants to kiss me foverer"

You snorted "I didn't say that"

"That's what I heard"

"You are so cocky" you rolled your eyes.

"Damn right I am" Javi pressed his erection to your thigh.

"Yeah, I felt it yesterday" your hands went to unbuckle his belt, quickly reaching for his cock through his underwear and pumping him a couple of times "You're big, sir"

Javi moaned and threw his head back, enjoying the feeling, barely believing it was finally happening. You put down every piece of cloth in your way to his thighs, put your own panties to the side and started to guide him to your entrance.

"You think is gonna be that easy?" he murmured in your ear, dodging his dick to press on your clit instead, making you moan at the contact, but also groan out of frustration.

"After all this time, it should be"

"You know what I want to hear, baby" he peppered kisses on your neck while still grinding his dick from your clit to your entrance, you were so wet he knew you would have no difficulty to take him.

"Put this thing inside of me, already" you tried to move your hips to get more friction, frustration consuming you.

Even though Javi had a purpose of you to stop calling him 'sir', he could barely hold himself from sliping inside of you, so that's what he did. Your moan as he slowly made space for him inside of you will forever be in his mind. Javi cursed under his breath as your walls squeezed him and he had to take a moment to absorb the feeling. So warm, so wet, so tight, he was in heaven. But you were impatiant.

"Please, move"

"Say my name and I will"

"Why are you so attached to this?" you pinched your brows.

He did the same "Why are you so against saying it?"

You licked a stripe on his neck "To piss you off"

"That's okay" he smirked "You don't have to say it, I'm gonna make you scream it" he held your legs and roughly pushed inside expecting to hit your special place; by the way you gasped and grabbed him, he got it just right "Found it"

Javi ran his nose through your neck and your skin bristled "You're so sensitive here, aren't you, bebita?"

"I'm starting to think that you make me sensitive everywhere"

He laughed and stopped his movements again "Now that's a confession"

"What can I say?" you huffed "It seems like you make my mind go blank when you have your huge dick inside of me and won't. fucking. move"

He laughed and started to slowly take it out just to push it in again at the same speed.

"You're gonna fucking kill me" you whined "Please, faster"

"Are you needy, baby?" he licked your neck "I can feel you squeeze me. You're desperate for my cock, huh?"

"Yes"

"Yes, what?

"Yes, sir"

He increased the speed and you moaned louder "Unbelievable" his hips were reletless and he felt you getting tighter and tighter "You're almost there, aren't you, baby?" you couldn't speak, mouth half opened and nails digging into the skin of his arm "You like it rough, don't you?"

Then he stopped.

"What the fuck?" your voice is hoarsed.

"I'm fucking you slow, baby, is that a crime?" his smile was smudge

"You're evil" you whined, hips moving to find relief.

"I am evil? Who are you to talk about evil? You're fucking teasing me here, bebita. That's so wrong" he started to move slowly again "Just say my name and I'll let you cum"

You nodded your head no.

"Say it"

"No"

"Fucking say. It." he changed the angle to repeatedly hit that spot inside of you and pulled your hair until your back arched.

"Oh my God, Javi!" you screamed as you came hard on his dick, eyes closed tight, mouth opened and body tremblimg.

His name coming out of your mouth was like music to Javi's ears, and hearing it for the first time fomented something insane inside of him. He licked his thumb and pressed it hard against your clit, your eyes widened in surprise and he got a strangled sound out of your mouth as you came again, your body violently shaking under his hands.

"Oh shit, that's it, baby. You're fucking milking me. Shit, shit, shit."

His name was now floating through your lips like a hymn, and he loved to hear it.

"I'm gonna cum"

His words seemed to wake you from your trance "On my mouth"

"Shit" he steped away and out of you and one second later you were on the floor, knelt before him. You grabbed his dick with one hand, put the tip in your mouth and that's all it took for him to cum the hardest he had in his life. You sucked it, greedy until he had nothing more to give you "Let me see it, baby" he asked with a hoarsed voice, asking you to open your mouth, showing that you had swalloed it all "Fucking dirty woman"

You smirked and rested your forehead on his thigh, exausted.

"Come 'ere" he took your hand on his and got you to your feet, holding you against him by your waist "Can you walk?"

"I think I can learn how to do it again, yeah" he chuckled.

Javi lowered your skirt before sitting you on his desk again "How are you getting home?" he asked quietly as he slowly buttoned up your blouse, trying not to startle you and have you running away again.

"I'm taking a cab" you more gently than not stopped his fingers to continue the work yourself.

"Let me take you home" he fished your panties from the floor and put it in his pocked as he wore his pants again

"You don't have to"

"I know I don't. But I'm kind of worried if you will be capable to support yourself for enough time to call a cab after I fucked you this good"

You released the louder chuckle he had ever heard you give as you stood up "You're the absolute worst, Javier."

He started to get hard to the sound of his name on your lips.

"See? Perfectly stable" one of your eyebrows was raised and all he wanted to do was to kiss your attitude away.

"I guess I'll have to fuck you harder next time, then"

"I guess"

You both went quiet as you made your way out of the building and to his car, you only speaking to give him instructions to get to your place.

"There will be a next time, right?" he spoke as you left the car.

How silly of him to think that fucking you once would be enough, would make all the consuming desire go away, if something, it only made him want you more.

You took your time to look at him, as if staring directly to his soul and gave him a small smile.

"Good night, Javi"

[fonulyn]

fon's 2024 in fic

so it's again time for my annual fic roundup, to see what I managed to accomplish this time. I looked back at the old ones and negl it's sad to see I finished last year feeling like I do now, but maybe one year sometime in the future I'll go into a new year full of optimism and less lonely. maybe :'D lmao, also, the re2 childhood friends au made it to the second end-of-the-year list in a row. let's see if i'll actually finish it in 2025 or if it'll end up on even more of these.

I am genuinely really happy with most things I posted, looking back at them was nice in that sense. here's to hoping that I can cross some other longtime ideas off my list this upcoming year. I do have a lot of things on my to-write-list, but i'll take it one day at a time.

so.

feeling too lazy to count the overall wordcount for this year like I did before but eyeballing the wordcounts it's probably smth like 240k-ish :'D and I didn't include the tumblr prompt fills in this list, you can find them in their own masterlist here. aside from those, I posted:

24 Piers/Leon fics

4 Krauser/Leon fics

2 ot3 fics

and one of each featuring Jake/Piers, Claire/Jill, Chris/Leon, and Mendez/Leon

links and summaries to those under the cut :3

Piers/Leon

haunting in my head (tempting me, inviting me to fall asleep in its arms) | M | 14k | When Leon hits his head hard enough that he forgets the past two years of his life, it’s a struggle to adjust, especially with the constant headaches and the concussion leaving him disoriented. No wonder it takes him a while to notice that some things just don’t add up.

viva las vegas | E | 9.8k | Piers and Leon decide to do one of those “fake marriages” in Vegas.

no lies tonight | M | 19k | Leon can’t lie. Turns out it’s both the worst and the best thing that has happened to him recently. (Or: the truth serum fic.)

wipe away this pain | M | 4k | This was going to suck, Leon thought as Finn finally cut into his flesh. The numbing spray helped some, but it wasn’t meant for actual surgery. Leon held onto Piers so tight his muscles ached from it, but he didn’t even notice, drowning in the sea of delirious pain.

show me that you want me | E | 3.8k | It’s Piers’ turn to wear the skirt.

bleed | M | 4.5k | Leon, Piers, and Jill struggle through the Death Island. Flirting happens.

mouth the words you're not ready to speak | T | 6.4k | Leon struggles through a mission while sick. When he can't keep it up anymore, Piers steps in to help. Promises are made.

the rhythm of my heart (the rhythm of yours) | E | 27k | Piers joins a band. He hasn't really heard of the R.P.D. before, but it doesn't take long before he's thoroughly charmed by his new bandmates. Especially the gorgeous guitarist. (aka the band au, with past metaltango)

when you look at me | E | 2k | Piers is away, so they have some fun through the webcam.

oh, your aim is steady (your eyes are hungry and your hands are ready) | E | 5.7k | The BSAA Alpha team has a friendly darts tournament. Leon jokingly volunteers as the prize, but when Piers wins he decides he wasn’t joking at all.

patience, officer Kennedy | E | 4k | Leon wears a cop uniform for a costume party, Piers picks him up, and they don’t quite make it back home before they lose their patience.

this feeling in the air | E | 34k | Claire drags Leon to the beach. Leon spots an attractive lifeguard. Too bad his people skills are rustier than he’s realized. (aka the lifeguard au)

heart set on you | E | 7k | Piers sees the man of his dreams. So obviously his solution is to pass him a note. That’s what people do, right?

bury all your secrets in my skin | E | 2k | As if to apologize, Piers licked over the spot, pressing his smile into Leon’s neck. “How long do you think we can cuddle before I get a boner?” That immediately startled a laugh from Leon.

all the tears you try to hide | T | 4.8k | Leon struggles to save people from a building fire. He fails. But when he has a breakdown, Piers is there for him.

two hearts have never been so close | E | 3.7k | That drew a sleepy chuckle from Piers and he pulled back from the kiss, settling their foreheads together. “That eager to get into my pants?” he asked, his eyes still closed, as he tilted his head to brush a whisper of a kiss onto Leon’s lips.

thaw the ice within | M | 6.6k | Leon takes an unwanted dive into an icy lake, but Piers takes care of him in more ways than one. Especially after they clear up the initial misunderstanding.

light in the darkest place | M | 18k | Leon and Piers grew up together, and when at twenty-one they both got a job at the RPD they thought it was a giant stroke of luck. They had no idea their first day was going to be one hell of a long day. (Or, re2 au.)

this heart is true tonight | E | 2.9k | “I’m sorry,” Piers apologized, meeting Leon’s eyes with his own. He was hunched in on himself, so unlike his usual confidence, it broke Leon’s heart. Especially when Piers ducked his head down, giving Leon a small shrug. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

in time | T | 2.7k | Somehow Leon is thrown thirty years into the future. What he sees is something he hadn’t even dared to dream of.

frozen in time | M | 4.5k | Piers has to watch Leon die, over and over and over. (Or, the time loop fic.)

finish what you started | E | 3.3k | Leon has a late night conference call to take, and Piers sets out to distract him through it.

the one i came looking for | T | 2.5k | Leon goes missing after the bomb hits Tatchi. Piers goes to find him.

and I believed | T | 9k | Leon shows up on Piers’ doorstep, drunk and clearly hurt. He finds the kind of comfort he hadn't even dared to hope for.

Krauser/Leon

in love with my lust | E | 3.6k | The one wherein Leon gets thoroughly wrecked after Krauser sees him in some lingerie.

these wounds are open wide | M | 4k | Ever since Krauser walked away, he has wanted to reunite with Leon. But not like this.

but I justify my desire to no one | E | 3.2k | Leon looked beautiful when he slept. Krauser was going to enjoy ruining him.

twisted inside, sharpened by the lies | M | 3.7k | Krauser wants to play a game. (Or, the russian roulette fic.)

Jake/Piers

scratch that itch | E | 2.2k | Jake and Piers are stuck together in a hotel room. Of course they’ll end up snapping.

Chris/Leon/Piers

reach out in the dark | T | 2k | A building collapses on Chris and Piers. Leon does his best to help.

just can't say no | E | 4.3k | The words died on Piers’ lips as he took in the sight. It was Chris fucking Redfield. Naked and hard, sitting on their bed like he belonged there, leaning back against the headboard. (Or, Piers gets a birthday threesome.)

Chris/Leon

it's not too late | T | 2.3k | Four moments from their lives, and how they grew closer.

Claire/Jill

you know just what to do (I love you) | E | 2.3k | Jill can’t sleep and Claire helps.

Mendez/Leon

the chosen | E | 3.4k | The one wherein Leon really did not expect Mendez to try to use him as an incubator. Even moreso, he did not expect to get off on it quite this spectacularly.

[gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan]

Wolf Cub

Author’s note: First chapter of Thressl in Husbandry. Thank you to @sleepyfan-blog for letting me borrow Cedric.

Summary: Waking up again is unpleasant and confusing.

Warnings: none? Let me know if I need to add anything.

Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams

Tagged: @sleepyfan-blog, @ms--lobotomy , @thevoidscreams, @i-am-a-dragon34, @gra93fruit-blog

Thressl groans a little, and opens his eyes- and wonders why is vision is so blurry. After all, he hadn't had mjod, and he also remembers that he didn't get hit in the head really hard.

But the memories of fighting that bastard chaos witch thousand son comes back to him. Oh- ow. Thinking really hurts. He had over done it using his powers, and the backlash is giving him a killer headache and blurry vision.

Which is. Not great. He's now more vulnerable than ever, due to the fact that his sight is absolutely terrible at the moment. While he can still hear, smell, taste and have most of his other senses just as strong.

Using his not-psyker powers to sense things is an exceptionally poor idea at the moment, he needs to heal from overusing his gifts and let his eyes and brain heal.

He is just barely able to see his vox device as he puts it almost on his eyes as he taps the signal for rescue. He hopes that someone will hear his call for rescue, and help him.

Rather than some opportunistic fuck-with wanting to pick at his corpse. Even though he isn't one and would give as good as he gets for such a situation.

So he just sits, and waits, and tries not to let his thoughts and doubts that he doesn't have consume him. Fuck he just wants to get up and move around- to try and find out where he is.

He's not on the same world as he was before. He's in too much pain for this to be a dream. Thressl knows that he's not recovered enough to try and break out of an illusion with powers of a rune priest.

He does try to Project His Will to break the illusion, all he does is redouble his headache and make his eyesight worse. Which is just fucking perfect.

Thressl's ears prick a little and hears some static, and a voice- says, "Apothecary Cedric of the Black Templars, I have picked up your call for aid. What assistance is needed."

"Ced?" Thressl says, "Thank the Allfather- where the fuck are we? I over did it using my powers as a Rune priest and I am damn near blind. My head hurts really bad and trying to move is like being drunk, dizzy, and on a ocean vessel in rocky waters at the moment."

"I have your coordinates," Cedric says, "Please don't try to move, Ramiel and I will get to your location and help you."

"Gotcha Ced," Thressl says. "Now- where the fuck are we?"

"... Ancient Terra." Cedric says.

"Grox-shite," Thressl retorts.

Cedric sighs and goes over ... the whole thing that he'd been fed in bits in pieces while he power walks with Ramiel to where Thressl is.

"... I can tell you believe this grox-shite," Thressl says. "But, forgive me if I don't."

Ramiel calls out, "It's not grox-shite, no matter how much it feels like it at the moment."

"Oh- so we are dead then," Thressl says, " 'cause you were murdered by your bastard of a mentor. Got it. That's why things sound insane."

"... That's not." Cedric says with a sigh. "We are within a mile of you."

"Thanks for the warning," Thressl says, "I can't believe that being dead means that you hurt and get blinded. Worst afterlife ever."

"We aren't dead, just displaced by the Warp. I think?" Ramiel offers.

"I don't think that's how the Warp works." Thressl says uncertainly.

He hears both of the Black Templars sigh and the red head turns to look, well his sharp hearing helping him hear their approach. Cedric and Ramiel are deliberate in their approach as Thressl squints at them.

Thressl has incredibly vivid long red hair that he keeps tied up in sensible braids. With a beard that's carefully groomed and braided with some metal beads that are carved with runes on them.

His skin is deeply tanned with hints of red, likely due to Thressl starting to overheat a little bit. His eyes are cycling through various colors. Sometimes settling on blue, sometimes green, other times red, black, purple, any other color that can be named.

Which denotes just how worried, he's feeling at the moment. "Thressl, I want you to meet Ramiel officially."

"It's nice to meet you," Thressl says cheerfully, as he tries to reach out and grasp Ramiel's hand to clasp in his.

Ramiel subtly moves forward and to the left to grasp onto Thressl's arm and gives him a small smile, "It's nice to meet you as well. Cedric's talked about you before."

"All good things I hope," Thressl says with great cheer and a teasing grin towards where he approximates where Cedric is.

He's off by several feet. But- neither of them are going to tell him that. Cedric is assessing his condition. While most of his battle wound are healing, he's got a nasty psy-wound that keeps bleeding, and the greatest concern are his eyes.

"We're going to have to wrap your eyes- and do some stitching and have one of the Librarian-Apothecaries tend to your psy-wound." Cedric says after his assessment and initial field patching.

Thressl make a face, "ugh, witches."

"Yes I know, you don't like witches." Cedric says.

Ramiel makes a half incredulous expression on his face and battle signs a question at Cedric [He's a psyker, a primaris psyker- right?]

[The Space wolves call them Rune Priests and don't classify them as Psykers.] Cedric responds in battle sign.

[What the fuck.] Ramiel responds in sign shaking his head a little.

"Come on- lets get you to the base and patched up." Cedric says out loud.

"Sure thing." Thressl says as he leans into their body heat.

Fuck. He'd gotten super touch starved being drop-podded all alone to do his Rite of Passage hunt. Thressl hadn't realized that until after he had spoken with Cedric and Ramiel and is supporting his weight as they walk.

They guide him to the medbay on base- as the clinic would be a bit... overwhelming for Thressl. And- since there are patients who are Chaos, or are bringing patients that they are Bonded to and are Chaos.

Despite how injured he is, perhaps because of it, he'd try to attack them. Blinded and half dead as he is. Thressl is quite fierce and wild, but that's what he was made to be.

Zariel comes striding over- noticing the new person that Ramiel and Cedric are half carrying in. Noting the banged up armor- and the patched up wounds.

Thressl starts to growl- smelling the strange First Born approaching him, his hackles raised, and teeth bared. "Ah- Thres- it's okay, Apothecary Zariel is someone who will help you." Ramiel says.

"If you say so." The Primaris Space Wolf says still rather growly and grumbly.

Zariel wisely backs off and Cedric sends the older apothecary an explanation of what's wrong with Thressl and the older Apothecary heads off to get one of the on duty, but not busy at the moment psy-Apothecaries.

Fortunately, they are a Loyalist, unfortunately, they are a Thousand Son. Which. Well. At least the Thousand Son is from before the burning of Prospero. Zariel does warn him who is patient is.

So Amonhep Rhan nods- and is grateful for the warning from the Ultramarine Apothecary. He makes sure to verbally announce himself as he'd been told that the patient's eyes were covered.

Amonhep pauses in his step- he'd been told that the Primaris he's to tend to be a Space Wolf- but from the way he senses in the Warp, feels very baby brother thousand sons like.

The youngling starts to growl at him, and he shakes his head. Of course, this little idiot is a Space Wolf- what else could he be. How silly of him to think he might be anything else.

"Please stop growling at me," Amonhep says firmly, "I need to heal your psy-wound."

After some prodding from the Black Templars he stops growling with a sulky grumbling huff. Amonhep patches up the psy-wound that was inflicted and informs Cedric of the follow up care that would be needed.

[songmingisthighs]

So I was plagiarized 👁👄👁

as some of you may know, i posted a sub!jongho fic for FFF on... february ??? which apparently got plagiarized on april 24th (my time) and i found out when an anon sent me an ask letting me know that it seemed like a blog plagiarized my work

and so i checked and... well...

and my friend @flurrys-creativity was holmes enough to make

which is just so 👁👄👁 damn

AND SO I CONFRONTED THE AUTHOR WHO HAD THIS TO SAY

and ofc i said

long story short (like how they plagiarized my work), the author had this to say and then before i can get my petty virgo ass to pull a john wick....

i would've shown the entire conversation but tumblr has a 10 picture per post limit and I'm nursing the WORST headache I've ever had. this year. bc this has turned into a straight up debacle and it's so RIDICULOUS y'all i can't make this shit up

mind you this person is in a network (or networks ??) so you would think they would be careful because they represented that (those) network(s). I can't fault the network whatsoever for what happened and i don't, bc i know networks can be CRAZY hectic not to mention the admins and mods are human beings who have things to do or personal lives so i am in no way blaming the network, this is 100% the fault of the author who said "I NEVER LIKED WRITING ANYWAYS" and maybe that's why they plagiarized

i would've felt bad for running someone out of tumblr but after what happened, i feel nothing but anger because i didn't get the justice i should have had (and also the absolute need to pee bc this got my blood rushing and my friend said i have a hamster bladder). if only you guys can see the whole conversation. when i say there were NO REMORSE, i do mean it. and the absolute audacity of this person that showed no sense of humbleness after being confronted by the person they plagiarized from. their whole post sang praises about originality and each time they posted they told people they don't want their work to be plagiarized.

i'll be honest, i feel SO HONOURED that someone felt the need to copy my work. but then i got pissed when i found out it was because they were high. and they ran off before i get to take off my corporate glove and gone all crazy smt bc this just ain't it chief

ngl idk how to end this post but i want y'all to know while i do get flattered by plagiarism, i do NOT tolerate even just a smidge. I'm a firm believer of having an adult conversation when shit happens but even i have my limits.

and to the bitchass sup-dallyboy, i wanted you to know that nothing dramatic was going to happen to you, nothing that wasn't supposed to happen at least. but instead of doing what you told you were doing which is own up to your mistakes and take responsibilities, you threw your hands up and hauled ass like a fucking coward. you talk big about saying sorry and wanting to do the right thing yet when the bill came, you flee. absolute bitchassfuckery, i hope you're proud of yourself for letting me deal with YOUR MESS when 12 hours ago i was doing okay in life but then you and your fucking audacity came in. I tried to talk to you but all you did was make excuses and put up a front until you just decided you don't wanna deal with shit and deactivate. even your exit isn't creative, my god. I'm quite an understanding person, you can ask ANYONE, but i can tear you a new one when provoked and you did. you have officially gone to my bad side, congrats.

[betterfettered]

Hello I am ✨ anon the new anon thst you called kirakira :) I wish I could give yoy a follow and like your posts but my mun frequently checks my phone I gonna be dead if she finds out I read dark content💀

Anyway your writting is very good It gives off like a very detailed world view type of sense.

I hope I am not stressing you but I have a question that what if Satans liking started as love rather than dark desires. But like because of rejection he turns more forceful?

He forces reader but he also wants that genuine bit of love that every other happy couples have?

Like Satan truly does love the reader/mc but he can't stand rejection? Or can he stand rejection?

Also on like reader is a mortal and since Satan genuinely loves reader would he turn her immortal?

I am curious bc even after playing obey me for quite a while I couldn't really figure out Satan ni matter what.

It's a lot of questions but don't push yourself and stay safe ^^

Mama checks ur phone huh sparkle anon? 🧐 are you a minor? My blog is strictly not for minors. I won't block/ignore you because I do know people older than me who have moms that go through their stuff, but if you are younger than 18, please out of respect for my wishes do not interact with (or preferably even read) anything on my blog. 🥰

(Gn!reader x AMAB!Satan)(angery man)(noncon touching)(18+ readers only please, mdni)[This is fetish content and sexual assault is disgusting and inexcusable in real life.]

It had been a small mistake , an oversight on Satan's part, really. He hadn't even physically harmed you - at the end of a particularly long day, a headache throbbing in his skull, he'd rounded a corner in the House of Lamentation while carrying a stack of books and then bumped into you. He didn't remember much after the books tumbling from his arms. His memory resumed with Mammon, in his demon form, holding him by the shoulders, telling him he'd better snap out of it. He was still seething, of course, but didn't have a good explanation for why you were sobbing, why the windows were broken and the furniture broken into shards.

He knew that he must have gotten angry, really angry, but was what he had done really worse than what Belphie had done? Because these days, you had no problem talking and laughing with the youngest, following him dauntlessly into the attic, while you did everything in your power to avoid being alone with Satan: sitting on the other end of the table from him during meals, coming late to classes you both shared so someone would take the seat beside him before you arrived, and, worst of all, clinging to Lucifer in groups.

If only he had not fallen for you. In general it didn't bother him in the slightest if someone did not like him, and maybe if he fancied someone a little less sweet than you were, it would not be so maddening. But it was painful seeing how warm and supportive and playful you were with everyone else. Even after he'd apologized, you were like frozen cardboard around him, while Asmo being genuinely creepy (at least to him) and running his hands all over you while purring perverted things only made you giggle.

He found himself staring in the mirror more and more, wondering if there was really so much wrong with him that you could more than bare Lucifer and hardly speak a word to him without your hands starting to shake, even if he held them in his hands and promised there was nothing to be afraid of. No amount of seductive speech craft or casual conversation or even apologies seemed to make you any less uneasy around him. You always clung to someone else when he approached.

Was he really that bad? Was there really no way to love him?

After a while of this, a while that felt like an eternity to him, he encountered you early in the kitchen one morning. He had no problem waking early, so he picked a day that you were making breakfast when everyone else was still asleep. He spent quite a bit of effort on cloaking his presence before he approached the kitchen, just so he could have a moment of you to himself: the way your mouth moved when you were focusing, the way you gripped the giant eggs you were cracking, the little noise you made if a shell made it into your food. A perfect symphony of you, caught in a bubble of its own; lovely as it was, he could not resist shattering it by wrapping his arms around your waist, his nose planted to the top of your head.

You gave a little yelp, dropping the spatula you'd been holding, and then struggled to turn and face him.

"Oh, Satan!" You gasped.

"Good morning," he replied. "I wanted to see you."

"I-" you started, trying to shrink away. But behind you was the stove, fires still blazing, and his nails were starting to dig into your sides. You were scared of him hurting you, so you held still and listened to him talking.

"Does it bother you? That I wanted to see you?"

"Not at all."

"You're a terrible liar." He sighed, his expression growing more sullen. "The way you look at me..." he started, unsure where his words were headed. "I do not at all like it."

"Don't be angry," you pleaded, and he responded by pressing his mouth to yours, hard, gripping your chin and leaning you backwards until the smell of your hair singeing filled the air. When he let you go, he could see the places on your jaw where his fingerprints were blooming into bruises, the terror in your now teary eyes, and the stress he'd inflicted on you. Most of him felt guilty for his desire overcoming his consideration for you, and that was the part of him that pulled away, grasping the ends of your hair in his palms to extinguish it. But there was still a small part of him that felt gratified by your pain: inflicting suffering onto you felt good somehow. Making you even a little as miserable as you had been making him for all this time seemed to lighten the weight he felt on his shoulders.

If only he could have known how much he would succumb to that feeling.

[fangirlshrewt97]

Jai x Harsha - Afternoon Delight

Feels like it has been too long once again since I posted something. I had three stories that are like 80% done and this is the one I got across the finish line. I am not sure how much sense this will make, but it is a follow-up to "My Best Friend and My Brother" story, in the sense that it takes place in the same universe. Other than that, it is just a fun little scene that was tumbling around in my head.

Hope you like it!

Also, this is not my usual family-friendly story, I'd say it has a PG-14 rating just to be safe. Sex is alluded to pretty strongly, but nothing is graphically shown.

(Apologies for any typos/grammatical errors, this is not beta-read)

///

"Jai!" Harsha shouted as he banged open the door to Jai's office.

Jai merely raised an eyebrow at the sight of the younger man who was bouncing on his toes. From his side, he could feel the disapproving glare Kaakha shot him. And the utter bafflement of Shobhu and his cronies.

He held up a hand to Harsha when he opened his mouth, turning to his prospective business partners. "Those are the terms of m-my deal. Go discuss them wi-with your boss and get back to me."

The trio glanced nervously at each other before nodding and getting up. They didn't exactly flee the room but...

"What did you tell them that has them shaking like a leaf?" Harsha wondered aloud.

Kaakha cleared his throat, crossing his arms across his chest.

Harsha threw him a shit-eating grin.

"Afternoon, Kaakha garu!" Harsha said. "This is for you!"

Kaakha's frown deepened as he stared at the bag like a snake was going to rise up and bite him.

Harsha shook it once. "Relax, it's just bhajji."

"Bhajji." Kaakha parroted flatly.

Harsha winked at him, and Jai felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips. He knew Kaakha was glad for the other man, and how much he had helped Jai settle into a new persona. He also knew that between the unyielding optimism, deliberate pranks, and sheer stubbornness,

Harsha represented the three worst qualities from all three brothers, making him the biggest headache in some cases.

"Yeah," Harsha shrugged. "Lava had said something about you two having a big business meeting, so I figured you may not have time to eat."

Kaakha was still squinting suspiciously at Harsha as he finally grabbed the offered paper bag. He peered inside, and nodded when he confirmed Harsha's description as true.

Harsha was still grinning, and Jai wondered if his cheeks wouldn't hurt.

"Great. Babai is heating up the rest of them in the kitchen if you want to eat with Lava and Kusa."

Kaakha's glare turned dark. "And if I don't?"

Harsha shrugged. "Then you'll get an eyeful."

Kaakha's expression immediately morphed into a queasy one as he fled.

Harsha whistled as he locked the door, resting with his back to it, arms trapped in between. He looked good enough to eat, with his zipper sweater fully unzipped, showing just a white tank top, and a pair of shorts that barely reached his knees.

Jai raised his eyebrow. "What? N-no bhajji for me?"

Harsha's smile was positively lecherous. "Oh I was thinking of giving you something besides food."

Jai smirked, pushing away from the desk but staying seated. "And what would that be?"

Harsha walked towards him with his customary sway, knowing Jai couldn't take his eyes off him. Easy as can be, Harsha swung a leg over Jai's thighs, and placed both hands on his shoulders. Pulling up the other leg, Harsha straddled Jai. “Some afternoon delight.”

As tempted as Jai was to pull him closer, he forced himself to keep his hands on the arms of the chair instead.

"Comfortable?" He asked, looking up at those lovely brown eyes.

Those eyes now flashed at the challenge, and Harsha wiggled some more before settling down again, this time close enough for their crotches to brush.

One of Jai's hands spasmed.

"I am now."

Jai raised a hand to brush back a loose strand of hair, tucking it behind his lover's ear. "How did th-the meeting go?"

Harsha shrugged. "Boring. I don't want to talk about that."

"What do you want to t-t-talk about then?"

Harsha hummed, running fingers through Jai's hair, and occasionally scraping his skull. It sent tingles of pleasure down his spine. He caved and loosely encircled Harsha's waist. Because his eyes were closed, he missed the flash of victory in them.

Harsha leaned down where he was hunched over Jai to press a kiss to each closed eyelid. He moved back just enough for Jai to see his whole face.

Fingers wove into Harsha's hair, and grasped his hair tie, removing it with ease. The dark curtain of his hair created the illusion of the entire world fading away.

"I'd rather not talk at all." Harsha said, voice an octave deeper than before, and pupils noticeably dilated. To emphasize, he rolled his hips forward once, brushing at where Jai was becoming hard.

Jai quickly grabbed his hips, tight enough to leave bruises. Harsha's pupils dilated further, mouth parting.

"Not in my office."

"Jai, I am entirely certain we will not make it to your bed. It's been 15 long days. So you choose, either here or the hallways, and one will most likely guarantee ... unfortunate spectators."

Jai pinched at his side, making him hiss. "As if that would stop you, exhibitionist minx."

Harsha's smile was devilish, especially as he ducked to bite at Jai's earlobe.

Growling in exasperation, Jai shifted his hands past Harsha's ass to cup his bare thighs, skin hot to the touch, and lifted him. Harsha shouted in surprise as he scrambled to cross his legs around Jai's hips.

"Jai!"

Jai smirked at him. "You were the impatient one."

“If you drop me…” Harsha threatened, yelping when Jai’s grip slipped.

Jai quickly tugged him back up, one hand firm on Harsha’s ass. “Whoops.”

“Bastard.” Harsha mumbled into Jai’s neck, pouting as Jai chuckled smugly.

Jai walked them to the sofa in the back of the room, dropping him onto the cushions.

Harsha grunted as he shifted to get comfortable, spreading his legs to allow Jai to settle between them. Jai let one hand rest dangerous high up Harsha’s inner thigh. 

Harsha wrapped one hand around the back of Jai's neck as another trailed down Jai's chest till it came to rest on his pants. He pulled at the fabric, thumb brushing the button.

Jai flicked at his hand.

Harsha pouted. "Hey!"

Jai covered him, leaning to suck a bruise behind Harsha's ear.

Harsha's grip tightened. "Jai..."

Only to yelp when Jai suddenly bit his neck.

"Ow." Harsha complained as he brought his free hand to rub at the spot. "What was that for?"

"Bursting into my meeting like that. Don't do that again."

Now it was Harsha who smirked. "You know that is a terrible way to dissuade me..."

Jai slapped his ass once, making Harsha jump. "Keep it up and you'll be spending the night putting up with Kusa's snoring."

Harsha sighed. "Fine..."

Jai raised an eyebrow.

"I promise." Harsha insisted, even crossing his fingers across his heart.

Jai grunted and leaned down to kiss him properly. He also heaved one of Harsha’s legs over his hip, putting more of his weight into pinning the man below him.

One kiss turned to two to more heat and passion. Soon enough clothes fell apart as the temperature of the room rose, filled with soft grunts and whines. Arms and hands entwined tightly, and the wood of the sofa creaked.

As they pressed closer, rubbing they ran hands across each other's backs, arms, sides, face, and hair. Banter was exchanged was one worded pleas and drawn out repetitions of each other names.

The separation of the past two weeks was resolved by trying to burrow into each other, culminating in a climax that had them clinging so tight to each other, even air couldn't get between them.

When they were done and catching their breath, it was Jai who was laying on the sofa, with Harsha sprawled on top of him.

Jai raised a hand to place on Harsha's head, scratching lightly at his scalp. In return, Harsha was weaving his fingers through Jai's chest hair, ear pressed over Jai's chest to hear his heartbeat.

"It's been too quiet here without you." Jai murmured finally.

Harsha snorted. "With Kusa still here? I doubt it."

"He needs to be collared."

Harsha rolled his head to look at him. "Didn't know you were into that Bangaram..."

"You're incorrigible." Jai said flatly.

Harsha chuckled, resting his head again.

"Kaakha garu can handle him."

"Between the t-two of you, I don't know who will give him more white hair."

"As if you never give him cause to worry."

Jai was quiet. Harsha knew exactly who he was getting into bed with.

Even if Jai had cleaned up his business and was trying to change his ways, years spent as a gang boss led to enemies who wouldn't disappear just because he had a change of heart.

Harsha squeezed Jai with the leg thrown over his lap. "Hey."

Jai grunted, adjusting the arm around Harsha's waist. "There is still much to do."

"You'll figure it out. And I'll be here."

Jai couldn't find the words, so he squeezed Harsha's waist.

"Did you really not get me any bhajji?"

Harsha's shoulders shook with laughter. "No."

Harsha pushed himself up to caress the side of Jai's face before tapping his nose. Jai got cross eyed, throwing Harsha a mildly annoyed look. "I got you your favourite onion pakoda instead. Lava said he'd prepare the chutney for it, but it would take 30 minutes."

Jai stared at him.

"Should be done by now!" Harsha said, slapping at Jai's pec before hopping up and bending to grab his clothes.

Harsha was slipping on his sweater by the time Jai got back with the program. He reached out to swat at Harsha, who dodged him with a laugh. "Better hurry Jai, I'm feeling very hungry after what we just did, and can't promise left overs."

He threw Jai's clothes at him before skipping away in the direction of the kitchen.

Jai stared at the office door swinging closed, a fast becoming familiar feeling of ...delight spreading through him.

If Harsha thought he could get away with eating Jai's food, he was about to be proven very wrong.  

///

Notes:

Bhajji - A bhaji is a type of fritter originating from the Indian subcontinent. It is made from spicy hot vegetables, commonly onion or chilli, and has several variants.

Onion Pakoda - A deep fried Indian snack of crispy and tasty onion fritters made with gram flour (besan), spices and herbs.

@rambheem-is-real @budugu @bromance-minus-the-b @hissterical-nyaan @obsessedtoafault @hufhkbgg @yehsahihai @rorapostsbl @fadedscarlets @alikokinav @chaotic-moonlight @rambheemisgoated @rambheemlove @jaganmaya @burningsheepcrown @lovingperfectionwonderland @rosayounan @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @thewinchestergirl1208 @dumdaradumdaradum @ronaldofandom @jjwolfesworld @jrntrtitties @kashpaymentsonly @jeonmahi1864 @zackcrazyvalentine @stanleykubricks @tulodiscord @teddybat24 @sally-for-sally @jadebomani @stuckyandlarrystuff @veteran-fanperson @ohfuckoffpls  @carminavulcana @boochhaan @doodlesofthelastpage @filesbeorganized @meownique @ssabriel @meastradeur @ronika-writes-stuff @umbrulla @ladydarkey @voidsteffy

Let me know if I need to add or remove you from the taglist!

[my-castles-crumbling]

writer anon, hi cas, so um I did figure out a few things, I did another reply write after I saw your response, so maybe like copy paste them both into a post and respond then, so I can remember what I asked lol, went down a strange rabbit hole when I was looking up things, and came to a few conclusions

-spreading out exposition the first few chapters would be better for pacing

-it would be better for my future “plans” (in heavy quotations bc it’s actually not a plan, and more of a nightmare thats disguised as a daydream Taylor reference by mistake lol) for there to still be a war, and preventing another war plot, means I have to add stuff about politics, and I don’t want to do that until later

-instead of a guy think about the history of the past few years I’ll change it to the leader of a rebellion (kind of)/child soldiers (for added trauma) explaining it and their plans, at like a briefing, so it’s a bit less info dumping, and a briefing makes a bit more sense (?)

-it would also emphasize how much no one like the main villain (I will be changing his name a lot, so I’ll just call him that) and also introduce a the different way people view events (winners write history, stuff like that, etc.)

I was going to write tonight, but I found ttpd reaction videos, so I had to watch those, and then I got a headache that made my ears pop, so it hurt to have headphones in and I physically cannot start writing without music. I’m probably getting sick lol, and I have a busy week, but I’ll probably send you the prologue, and first chapter by next weekend, hopefully. keep me accountable please. I haven’t written in ages bc no motivation and I’m afraid of it abandoning me, so having someone actually read is nice (is this what you and your beloveds do?)

Also, what was the strangest thing you’ve looked up for a fic? Curious bc today I looked up how much blood can a human loose before they die, stuff about child soldiers, dictators, were bombs possible in medieval times, and that’s honestly not event the worst of it.

hope you have a good day/night, also new chapter of clandestine also prevented me from writing so ty for that (but it was seriously so good).

Hi hon! Sorry I didn't respond to this and the other together, I just work my way up my inbox so I didn't see them together.

All these ideas sound great! Yes, please send me the next chapter! I'll try to keep you accountable but I have no idea who you are so...I'm not sure what else to do besides encourage you? lol

Hahaha yes, me and my beloveds (@starchasersunseeker and @beautyoftheships ) do read each other's work. It's super helpful and makes it a lot more fun. Honestly I would not be where I am without them.

The weirdest thing I ever looked up was definitely detailed descriptions of methods of torture :P I promise, FBI agent reading this, it was for a fic! Strangely, I know the answer to the blood question because of a horror movie.

Have a wonderful day!!! I can't wait to see what you create!

[faejilly]

Omegaverse with Shepard/Joker?

So this turned into something more like meta or the old @headcanonwednesday In-Universe Ramblings or what I tend to tag as a not!fic, but I hope it still fills the prompt reasonably well. Or is at least entertaining? 😅 (Of course, now I have to figure out how to post it. And now I have a meta/not!fic collection on ao3 apparently.)

Every military in earth's recorded history has always made pheromone blockers mandatory while on active duty. Close living quarters and emotional conditions followed by separation as people were transferred or went home or died... it was that or half their soldiers never would go home and settle back into 'polite' society, too hooked on the heightened pheromones of such a tightly knit group to accept the looser connections more common in civilian life.

Going into space made a whole range of hormone and pheromone blockers even more common, what with recycled air and water that either tasted a bit like everyone on board or too much like the chemicals used to sanitize it.

And then Humanity made first contact. Dextro-pheromones were undetectable to levo species (and vice-versa) which added to how poorly Turian to Human communication began... but the Citadel was a revelation.

Almost an apocalyptic one.

Asari pheromones were completely unblockable by every technical, genetic, or chemical process humanity had figured out. Even staying in a fully enclosed suit didn't work once you were sharing an atmosphere outside said suit. (Once trade opened up with other species, Humanity found rumors that the Salarian Task Groups had a method to do it... but no one could get further than rumors.)

Asari were thus omnipresent. And while the sense other species could get of them was almost universally pleasant, would shift and change with age or mood or cycle just like anyone else's, they were also completely incomprehensible. Asari were there, you could tell exactly where they were, all the time, but that was it.

Somehow, the Asari had no trouble understanding anyone else's pheromones, regardless of chirality, age, attempted blockers and filters, or even atmosphere. (They could read the volus! Somehow! It made most non-Asari researchers devolve into swearing and ranting gibberish if you got them on the topic.) No one had a clue how they did it, and while most peoples assumed the Asari knew how it worked, they were not sharing.

Wearing a fully enclosed body suit or armor in atmosphere meant you were blocking pheromones to everyone except the Asari, which just added to the Asari advantage in political circles, and was thus considered at worst an act of aggression against non-Asari, and at best unbearably rude.

(A large part of why the Quarians were looked down upon, and the Volus never could quite get recognized as a full-fledged Council Species, was this low-grade irritation from everyone else at not being able to scent them while knowing that the Asari could, no matter how little anyone was willing to admit that was part of the problem.)

The Volus managed a partial exception in that something during the actual construction of their suits made them palatable to the Elcor, who, having an even more scent and pheromone based society than anyone else, had actual physiological symptoms (mostly vertigo and headaches, but occasionally full fainting spells and nausea and very rarely full-blown hallucination) upon having to be in close quarters with anyone completely blocking their scent.

No one wants to be anywhere near a dizzy or queasy Elcor, even beyond the ethical constraints against making another species that sick if it was avoidable. (Most Quarians added a pheromone mod to their suits during their Pilgrimage, something that would at least mark them as there to everyone else, especially the Elcor, even if it was clearly a series of artificial notes rather than a naturally varying, layered scent.)

Everything that humanity did historically as a matter of course to manage large populations in small areas or high-risk/emotionally heightened situations was no longer an option, not for anyone who wanted to leave Earth.

Part of Alliance training now involved pheromone acclimation, both in how to manage your own, and how to read everyone else's without being too invasive or rude about it.

Which brings us to Joker. Whose lifetime of complex medical treatments mean his hormone levels are not remotely standard and whose pheromone output is, shall we say, unique. (Potentially even a little distracting.) Historically that would have been a perfectly acceptable reason to be on some sort of blockers for the rest of his life, but he wants to fly spaceships.

Which means he can't do that.

Does this make him even more of a sarcastic bastard because every Human he ever meets tends to do a weird stutter/stop the first time they're in scenting distance? Yes, it does. (This is a bonus, not a detriment, I am not accepting opinions on this matter.)

Biotics tend to be less obvious about it, because their pheromones are also a bit weird in comparison to non-biotics, but most biotics have the same sort of eezo tang unlike Joker's very odd melange of various artificial hormones & gene-therapy-induced protein strands that were attempted to improve his bone development as he was growing. (Some of them even worked! Some of them didn't. Most of them didn't cause any particular negative side-effects, but all of them linger in his pheromone profile.)

Most non-Humans don't pick up on it, because Alliance pheromone training and gene therapy are similarly artificial to them, so they tend to think that's a Human Thing.

(It is kind of hilarious to most Alliance personnel on the rare occasion someone from Earth or the Colonies who hasn't had gene therapy ends up on the Citadel, because the non-Humans get so confused.)

Which means that Flight Lieutenant Jeffrey Moreau's friends, acquaintances, and assorted contacts he keeps on the modern-equivalent of speed-dial for the trading of favors and intel, are almost exclusively biotics, aliens, and all of three non-military/non-family people he's known since they were all going through cutting-edge medical treatments together as kids.

Which definitely doesn't help with some of his more conservative CO's, but is absolutely in his favor when the Normandy SR-1 is being built. Even if he hadn't been arguably the best pilot in the Alliance, he would've been Anderson's first choice because Anderson knew he'd get along with a non-traditional crew.

Anderson requests Joker, who is not-so-secretly delighted by a CO who realizes his odd background is a benefit not a detriment. Nonetheless, Joker is prepared to be his usual asshole self to the other Alliance personnel when they show up.

And then he meets Alenko, who is not just a biotic but an L-2 who gets just as many weird raised eyebrows as Joker does, and responds by being very calmly, diplomatically, exaggeratedly even-handed with everyone about everything. (And only occasionally rolling his eyes at them behind their backs when he's been especially provoked.)

And Joker meets Williams, who ALSO gets the side-eye, though in her case it's for her name rather than her scent, but who is very equal-opportunity unimpressed by anyone else's opinions which is delightful.

And most of all he meets Shepard, who regardless of background is an outlier by almost every possible human and galactic metric, and may give Joker shit for his attitude (depending on your Shepard) but never once calls him out on his skills or his scent.

[what-if-i-just-did]

Destiel Prompt List 9. Post-canon fix-it (get Cas the Hell out of the Empty)

Trigger Warnings: bad self-care, not believing you're worth being loved, major character undeath, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide via sleeping pill and alchohol

Operation: Bring Cas Home

Dean hadn't left the bunker in a long time. Hell, he hadn't left the library in days. He hadn't eaten, he certainly hadn't slept, all he'd done was go through the lore, desperate, ignore Sam's concerned monologuing and prayed. Prayed to the only being ever worthy of that kind of devotion from him.

Cas. I'm getting really fucking desperate right now. The lore has... nothing, and I'm getting to the end of it. ..I don't even know if you can hear me. But I'm getting you out of there. You deserve... fuck, you deserve so much more, but this is the least I can give you. I don't care what I'll have to do, I'll get you out.

Dean has a headache, and he didn't care wether it was because of dehydration, or sleep deprivation, or staring at books for days on end without pauze. He just knocked back some painkillers and kept on going on. Sometimes he thought about taking more than he should and just making everything stop. Just going back to Hell, where at least everything would make sense. Would have their place.

Eventually, it'd get to the point where letters blurred together and he was useless, so he'd stumblr to his room and set an alarm for four hours, which he'd sleep through and extend to ten, and then get annoyed at himself for wasting working time. The only plus is that he's sober. As much as he wants to grab a bottle or two of the heavy stuff and near drown himself to death, he can't. He needs Cas back.

Finally, he finds something. It's a spell. Two spells. One to get to the Empty, and one to get back. By now, Dean Winchester is thin. He looks like he's starving, and he probably is. His muscles have long since faded, and his face is hollowed out. The worst is his eyes. They look... dead. Hollow. Indifferent. Empty. He knows Sam is concerned about him, but he doesn't care. He knows Jack knows something is wrong. He doesn't care.

They call Rowena, peer-review the spell. They gather the ingridients. They write the runes on Dean's chest. They say the incantation. And then, Dean's no longer in the Bunker.

Everything around him is black. Dark. Cold. Alone. A small bubble of hope snakes up his throat and chokes him. He could get Cas back. He might actually get Cas back, he might get a chance- might get a chance- he could actually... but he needs to find Cas first. "Cas?" He calls out, warily. Suddenly, Castiel is at his feet, asleep. He falls to his knees. "Cas? Cas please wake up! Cas! You need to be okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, wake up, Cas, please, Castiel..."

"Well well well, what is this? A Winchester? You are human, are you not?" Dean looks up, only to find... himself. But, from years ago. This Dean is younger, he still has that boyish pre-Hell look. He's still wearing jewelery. And that leather jacket. But.. it's not him. Something is wearing Dean's face from over a decade ago. "Uh.. far as I know. Though I've not always been, that's for sure." He doesn't want to leave Cas, but he also feels like he should stand up. He ends up doing neither. "So, what's with the look-a-like bullshit?" The thing frowns. "You know what. Take him. Let me sleep. It's easier than dealing with humans..." It says with disdain for Dean's whole species. It dissapears then, and Cas starts to wake up.

"Cas! Cas man are you okay? Tell me you're okay! If-" "Dean..?" Cas asks groggily. Then a little clearer, though still confused. "You look terrible." Dean laughs. Honest-to-God laughs. "Yeah, thanks bud. You're not looking so hot either." He holds his angel steady. "Ready to go home?" "Home?" Cas frowns, and he's fully awake again. "Dean, what are you doing here! A-after what I said, I didn't expect you to-" He cuts himself off at the devestated look on Dean's face. "What?"

"Did I really.. was I really that bad at letting you know you matter that you actually thought I would let you just die because I'd be too awkward around you? Like, even.. even if all you said was true, -" "It is true, Dean, all of it. You inspired me to.. well, everything. Stop selling yourself short." Dean laughed. "Yeah.. I know. But not everything you said was true." He scooted closer. "You don't have to be, just content with.. existing. With knowing what you want. You can have it too." He moved closer. "You can have me." Closer. "I love you." He let their lips touch. Carefully.

"So much. Please... please believe me, Cas..." He scrunched his eyes. Then opened them. Cas was... Cas looked dazed, transfixed on Dean. But then he.. hesitantly moved forwards, untill their lips touched again. And he retreated again, watching Dean. It could barely be called a kiss, but Dean knew what he was doing. He smiled. "Yeah, sweetheart. You get to kiss me whenever you damn well feel like it. Now, what's say we go home? Sam's waiting for us. Jack's missed you. Even Rowena and Claire are there." Then, finally, Cas smiles, tentatively, and the sight alone makes Dean's heart wanna combust. "Yes, Dean. I would like that very much." Dean smiled warmly as he says the reverse incantation, holding on to Cas, and then suddenly, they're back in the Bunker. Back home.

[rhyske]

Hiya! I am back! I was busy for a couple of days. I hope you are doing well!

I do agree that it doesn't seem like the characters have lives of their own save for a few that you can see interacting on screen. but there aren't really any hints of off-screen interactions which is such a missed opportunity. The approve disapprove system is really vague too, like the worst that could happen if you have a low approval rating with someone is that they are kinda cold or hostile towards your player character. I suppose it makes sense in the setting but still kinda weird.

some shit has happened in my playthrough so far… HAWKE, I loved seeing my girl again. but I knew I would have to make THAT choice, to be fair it wasn't that hard to leave stroud behind. AND THEY MENTIONED FENRIS AAAAA I almost cried. but yeah I couldn't do that to my girl or fen because they deserve the world. also Varric, I'd hate to make him sad.

I am romancing Solas and he do be making me mad. I already know he is bad… it's an old game and I got it spoiled at some point. but yeah I don't know what the context is or what his motivation is. I would guess it's something, something elves and their old empire glory days. but it's interesting being able to clearly see the hints of when he lets something slip etc. my brother told me, Solas wanted the anchor for himself(?) and he has posed with his hand outstretched like the inquisitor does, once toward the breach and once towards cole. idk if it's just a mage thing but alarm bells were going off in my head. I have some theories but I doubt I am anywhere near the right answer. The reason I am mad at him is because he literally never wants to talk to me, I've cycled through all of his dialogue and it makes me sad, even after doing some minor quests for him he says nothing, and he didn't show up at wicked grace TT_TT. I suppose it depends on how you play it but I feel like his romance is very fast and then there is nothing? ALSO, THE DREAM KISS WAS WILD, I did not expect that to happen so fast.

Cole's quest was a bit interesting when choosing between making him more like a person or a spirit. I tried both and I had a hard time choosing what outcome I wanted but then I decided to make him more like a person, it was kinda bittersweet in a way and also Varric became like a father to him which was sweet.

oh, learning Japanese is really cool but it's so difficult! I know some small phrases and such but I don't think I could learn to read their characters, I already struggle with spelling in my native language and English haha. it's amazing that you're learning it! do you have someone that you can practice speaking with? I know that really helped me when I was learning English when I was younger. earlier this week I was on an internship at a college I'm applying. for some reason there happens to be a few Japanese students at that college, its kinda in the middle of nowhere so I was a bit surprised hahah I wanted to say hi in Japanese but I was too shy to do it ^^' 💜

Oh welcome back!! I was wondering where you were and if you were okay (: I've been alright! Allergies has been giving me headaches the last week or so >:

Omg yeah for me it was between Alistair and Hawke, and legit. I romanced Alistair both times I've played Origins because I adore him...but I sent him into the Fade. Because I just. Imagining Fenris losing Hawke was absolutely devastating. I couldn't do it. Especially with Varric there, knowing he'd be watching his best friend basically disappear to their death, and having to be the one that lets Fenris know. I couldn't do that to my boy. Hawke and the Kirkwall Crew is my Dragon Age Normandy and I will do my best to make them happy and keep them that way.

I romanced Solas my first time around (Cullen my second) and I highly agree that it's very obvious Solas' romance was a last minute addition. It just...has no build up, and the seeming insta-love it shows is terrible. BUT, I will say, the potential in that romance and the absolute devastation it has has me invested. I won't continue with a Solas romanced world state but I will definitely be seeing how it impacts things in the second game. I can talk about Solas' character for hours, he's the most heart wrenching character I have seen in a game in a long time, and how that translates into a fascinating romance... If it had been done right.

Yeah, there are so many opportunities to have the characters interact with each other in Skyhold and they just...didn't bother with it. Mass Effect 3 they started doing that a bit (and I think it should've been a thing in all three games too, show a cohesive team dammit!) and it was amazing watching the characters talk to each other and share stories and inside jokes and whatnot. They have a life outside Shepard. Dragon Age 2 didn't have a hub, and I think they did an amazing job with the party banter to compensate.

I really liked Cole's quest! I don't remember a ton of it but I also remember not knowing which decision I wanted to do (and kinda feeling confused as to why it was up to me to begin with). I think I decided to go with him being more of a person too!

I don't have anyone to speak with ^^' I've decided to focus more on just reading comprehension, mainly because my main drive to learn the language is to read manga and play games that don't get a localization. I'm also hella shy, so just imagining trying to speak the language or instant message someone in the language gives me so much anxiety!

Oh that's so cool! What's the major? Haha, aaaw, I feel that! I remember, back in high school, we got some Korean transfer students and I so badly wanted to get to know them (I was in a big KPop phase then and trying to learn Korean), but I was way too shy to approach them! I ended up writing a letter in Korean with a help of a Korean penpal instead! I don't remember how I gave them the letter. I think through a friend? They gave me a CD of their favorite KPop band but that was the last I ever had any interaction with them cause I didn't know how to respond.

[foxedthecards]

Ah, that quick uppercut with the difficult questions right there at the end. Questions he didn't have a ready or clear answer for either, which was all the more frustrating.

Drat this cowboy's inquisitiveness anyhow. This would take some careful consideration of his words.

He folded his arms behind his back and closed his eyes, his brow furrowed with deep concentration as he hummed softly to himself.

His hand came up to touch his head. His ring finger rested lightly against the scar under Jonas's hair.

"*I do not...have very clear answers pertaining to the moment of possession and Jonas well...Jonas has no memories surrounding it at all*" he finally said. "*It was sudden, violent and involuntary. For both of us.*"

He opened his eyes and looked down at his hand, flexing his fingers thoughtfully. "*I suppose I am a phantasm of a sort...a ghost or spirit come from...wherever ghosts and spirits originate from. I was once alive and had a name...*"

A slight frown crossed his face for a moment "*Now I am dead and only go by Mr. Fox. I know those are not satisfactory answers but they are particularly difficult questions for me. I value my privacy after all.*" There was that little cadence of his accent slipping out of Jonas's mouth again, pronouncing it like PRIV-ahcy.

He didn't admit it of course but that last little remark of Butch's had also left him deeply nonplussed. Forgive him? He'd already stated rather bluntly he'd not come into this expecting anything like that at all. He didn't know why Butch had bothered to place that back on the table at all. And...why did he want to know anything about him? Was he plotting something? Trying to make him drop his guard somehow?

And surely Butch wouldn't be satisfied with those answers, conclude that he was being purposefully evasive and the hostilities would resume. They'd stand here hissing at one another like ill-tempered cats spoiling for a fight.

In all honesty his outlook on the end results of this particular interaction had been bleak. He'd fully anticipated the cowboy to remain as hostile and unbending as ever towards him, understandable of course. That Butch would most likely distance himself from Jonas as well, by the fact of Jonas playing an unfortunate host to a thing that the cowboy clearly despised. And that Artair in turn would rightfully forsake both him and Jonas entirely, because of course Butch and his feelings on the matter must take priority in his life. It made sense that it would all play out like that. For all he knew it might still end up that way. He was braced for the worst.

Jonas would be hurt. Confused. But...he was young, surely he'd move past it though eventually. Better to lance a wound and let it bleed then allow it to fester, plastering it with false hopes and silly daydreams hoping that would miraculously heal it. A heart was a burden. The sooner Jonas learned this, the better.

Right?

Ugh. Mr. Fox was not liking the uncertainty of all this. Now HE was getting a headache. Or Jonas. Or both of them? God, who knew.

Well that's a lot of questions. And a lot of hostility that was making him bristle right back. Ughhh. Maybe he shouldn't have done this, maybe he ought to just snap his mouth closed, turn around and stalk away, just leave...

...because things would be better without him around...

He felt Jonas's heart throb painfully in his chest. For a moment it overrode the maddening hum in his skull.

The experience of two souls within a single body was a frustrating one to pin down and explain. He himself wasn't sure where his consciousness went when Jonas was at the forefront of things. Nor was he sure where Jonas was now, with him at the helm. How much information they were both aware of, how much they retained in those states...he'd tried his best to figure it out and it just kept leading off into meandering and nonsensical threads of information. It was quite the blow, especially considering how he prided himself in his information gathering.

He could only hope this conversation would be outside the scope of Jonas's current awareness.

Mr. Fox was humming again, a little louder now to counteract the abominable noise in his head as he laid Butch's barrage of questions in his mind and decided which he should answer first. Finally he spoke.

"*Jonas has...memory issues that exist beyond my reach, first of all. I shan't address them. But when I 'fuck' with his memories as you put it, there's a reason. He shouldn't be forced to remember cutting someone's throat after all. I loathe to drag him-or anyone-into my personal problems. I do everything in my power to keep such things private to prevent it. But sometimes I find myself in circumstances that are beyond my control. Also I suppose I AM a stuck-up aristocrat so there...that is why I speak like this.*"

He turned Butch's other words around in his head for several minutes, analyzing them to the best of his ability despite the distraction in his head. It wasn't hard for him to conclude that Butch was thinking he had ulterior motives for his apology, the irony of it being for once he actually didn't. But the cowboy would never believe him. Nevertheless he thought he might as well address it.

"*I cannot convince you of the sincerity of my apologies and offers for a truce. I will not even try. But here is the truth of it: I am not motivated by some pathetic need to save my reputation or improve others' opinions of me or whatever you might suspect. Why should I bother? As if it would really have the power to change anything. It would be like a viper asking forgiveness after sinking their fangs in your neck. Wouldn't it? Rather an insult to the snake, come to think of it, at least it is driven by animal instinct. But I do not care to sway opinions of others in my favor. That is not what brought me here.*"

He placed his hat back on his head, fiddled with his cuffs a bit. "*So...I apologize for my previous actions. They were childish and uncalled for. I apologize for continuing to act with such hostility towards you. For some reason you cause an abominable noise in my head that is well nigh unbearable. I am guessing it is something to do with your demon blood but frankly I do not know. Still that is a poor excuse for poor behavior on my part. So I apologize. Without ridiculous expectations of anything like forgiveness or a softening of others' opinions. Something like me does not deserve it anyways.*"

He glanced up at Butch again with his yellow eyes, his face expressionless.

"*And to address the last of your inquiries. I cannot leave his body. I have tried. I do not fully know the nature of this possession since it came about by accident. I do know that if I leave then he will die...*"

As he said that, the strangest surge of emotion sudden welled up in him, something so strong that even the hum quietened in the face of it. His fingers trembled. He stared down at them before he quickly put them behind his back. He stepped back from Butch and closed his eyes a moment.

Finally he cleared his throat. "*Excuse me...*" he said, immediately cursing himself inwardly for how strained his voice sounded. "*If those are satisfactory explanations for you then I will leave.*"

[red-dyed-sarumane]

hello i am also a hiiragi magnetite enjoyer but a casual one (the songs just bang. they're really good. i loop them) and i had no idea until we became mutuals and i looked at your posts that their songs are part of a series. i had never looked into it. i am genuinely interested and if you ever wanted to rattle off to me what it's about i will eat that shit up fr. it's been so long since i was last majorly into a vocaloid song series

hi hi! i hope you dont mind a public answer bc you're far from the only one who didn't know. once u know what to look for tho it starts making a bit more sense.

in short: its a sci-fi, time loop-type story about a group of people trying to stop the world from ending

but i'll get into the songs a bit for u. (this is long)

in long:

yes its absolutely a series with the exception of fabric flower, perfection, nadenna, uni, and rasshaina. everything else so far is part of the same series. (in their personally uploaded songs obviously their commission songs arent part of it)

idk where to throw this in so im sticking it at the beginning all of the characters have names. i asked & they answered me directly. but they're keeping them a secret until they feel like the time is right so i would LOVE to tell u their names but uh. no one knows but hiiragi magnetite.

aru sekai series is actually a fan given name. hiiragi magnetite has never addressed the series out side of the songs themselves unless asked about it. if you called it aru sekai series to them, they dont correct you, so until they want to give it a name themself, i'll be calling it aru sekai series. the name coming from the first song aru sekai shoushitsu of course.

im going to put my proof its a series here first bc i see a lot of eng fans say they didnt know, and even jpn fans that realize theres a series will get it wrong & say theres 2 different series going on. its the same story its one series.

the easiest way & the way that made me realize it is aru sekai shoushitsu opens with "nami no ne no yume wo miyou ame hodo no uruoi wo/ umareyou mou ichido nakuse domo nai keredo" etc which is important in a lot of ways but for right now we're just going to focus on the melody of it.

this same melody occurs in all aru sekai series songs except for kugutsu ashura & laboratory. kyuuyaku hankagai has it in the last chorus at 4:48 as well as the more obvious 5:16. shuuen touhikou has it in the choruses as well at 1:20, 2:34, and 2:46. oumen mokushiroku is the only song so far that has it in lyrics as well instead if mixed into the instrumental, its the last lyrics starting at 2:30 "ah mata aete yokatta ne to itte hoshikatta no ni/ tasogare ga tokete yuku kiete yuku nanimo mienakunaru". unplanned apoptosis its a bit harder to hear & much shorter but its at 0:57, 1:06, 2:16, and 2:26. i dont know why i see people insisting marshall maximizer is a separate series bc its one of the obvious ones with the motif at 2:23 (or at least more obvious than some others). canon has it at 2:20.

theres also the theme most people realize that (kyuu)yaku, (shuu)en, and (ou)men have the same kanji as what starts lines in aru sekai shoushitsu.

a lot of songs also have text in the bg thats basically lore & helps connect & clear up somethings. a lot of these repeat lines from previous songs.

& then we get to kugutsu ashura & laboratory which dont have any of those but they are part of the series your key is in the lyrics using similar themes & concept & wording to other songs.

so what are the songs about

aru sekai shoushitsu

this is a headache of a song that, im so grateful they give us so many songs to expand on bc trying to make sense of it with no context was actually the worst. the absolute most important thing u want to know here is the lines they made into the motif for the series which establishes this tragedy is repeating. the theme of rain/blue is the symbol the current world is coming to an end and they'll later be "reborn" and try again.

no one has any idea what the repeating greek(?) means. i can figure out the words toroid & function & thats it & ive never seen anyone else get any farther with it. if anyone knows please i am begging u to tell me. anyway, from the word toroid alone though i know it has something to do with the world repeating itself.

thats the next main theme i'll get into. the story is a loop of sorts but i hesitate to say its a true time loop bc there is very clear emphasis on the concept of fractals, so repeating but not exactly the same, and toroid shapes, so not a perfect loop like say a sphere or circle would be. instead of a time loop sending them back to the beginning of the day its more like waking up in an alternate timeline altogether. its not a 1:1 learn what the day brings and get out that way. each time's different in its own way. the fractal theme drifts off a bit after a few songs but its still there overall.

the other big one is the concept of things seeming the same when theyre different, and this is easier to miss bc it's actually in the bg text rather than the lyrics. there's a whole paragraph about if a man dies in a swamp from lightning and then miraculously another bolt of lightning in the same area creates a man that's exactly the same in structure, memory, everything, is it still the same man as the one who died. this not only applies to the concept of the world itself, that not only is the world itself not quite the same when everything restarts, but is also a big thing with the characters themselves. there is something that people have that make them "people", something that can be lost, and without that, even though they seem to be the same, they're more of a "thing" than a "person." very big detail that was only a theory until laboratory was posted and confirmed it. aru sekai shoushitsu also says, in lyrics, "however, as long as you exist as people, the old world's legacy will continue on in the toroidal direction." so as long as they still have what makes them a "person" they can still be reborn in the next iteration of the world.

i think those are the most important things. the lyrics are a bit objective overviews of the next songs based on the starting kanji and also a bit more technical detail of whats going on, and the rest of the text is a more subjective view of the events than the lyrics.

kyuuyaku hankagai

this one's the start of our subjective character songs. all the text in it is at the beginning. i won't get too into it bc i dont think there's anything specifically u need to know from it, put it definitely helps put the level of desperation into perspective. theres a bit of play in it with the concept of "people" again, but its more about the lengths everyone will go to to do something about the situation iirc.

quite obviously this is the "past" song and establishes this has been going on for a while. i dont have an exact timeline for you, and im not telling you that because its the "past" that this is the beginning of everything. however. we do get told once again the concept of a "self" is important to the continuation of this. we also get a bit of world description, saying about how the world gets torn up and destroyed at the end.

short overview of it is they've been at this a very long time, everyone is well aware of the stakes, they're desperate & tired, but in the end they know even if they die at the end of the world because they cant save it, they're going to wake up and need to face it all over again. thats why theres so many long notes in this. this song is this characters cry for help. they cant let go bc if they do, if they lose their "self" its all over for them, they know that (although its not blatantly said at this point), so they have to keep going through all the "fractals" hoping that something they do sometime is going to work.

song has a lot of specific terms but its not as impersonal as shoushitsu u can feel the character in this song, especially with all the specific "byebye" written with various forms of regret and pain of separation etc. in an effort to keep this short im going to stop there for now.

shuuen touhikou

song that fits with the "end" (shuu) lines of aru sekai shoushitsu. quite literally an answer to the question of what would happen if they tried to escape instead of facing it.

the first part of text sets up the characters frame of mind, that they've been through this so many times trying to save everything, what if they didn't have to?

also in the text are the "shuu" lines from aru sekai shoushitsu, as well as part of the text from the beginning of kyuuyaku hankagai. and the last text deals with the concept of "ego" a bit instead of a "self".

the lyrics are such that this character is still part of whatever everyone's doing to fix this, but doesn't really agree with how its being handled, constantly being frustrated by how nothing's changing and no one wants to try anything too different. they entertain the idea of just running for it, that theres some town out there that they'll be safe if they can reach, that maybe running is enough to do something that they arent just standing around hoping anymore.

so effectively, no, even if they were to drop everything and run for it, it won't do them any good. (by extension they might also not be able to come back from it, but i cant say that for sure)

oumen mokushiroku

the concave "ou" song. also the only one i can accept the ""official"" english title for since mokushiroku is read as apocalypse in aru sekai shoushitsu.

theres no text in this one! unless u want to count the ou kanji.

this one's interesting bc instead of a part of the human team we have an angel who can't do anything to help them. shes watching over them, she wants to help, but for various reasons she just cant. she cant tell them it's not her fault, she cant affect anything in a way that matters. part of the reason she has the broken umbrella i think is just to really get across shes supposed to be the safeguard but she cant. for reasons beyond her control she cant.

some of the lyrics kind of mirror other songs, "inoru you ni" "omotai kaze furiharau you ni" for example relating to similar phrases in shuuen touhikou, "ima sakenda" like the main lines of kyuuyaku hankagai, starting of with rain similar to aru sekai shoushitsu among other things.

and of course like i said this is the only song that uses the motif in the lyrics & this is a theory but im putting it out there i feel like that implies the others are a part of this but this character in particular can actually do something about it. i dont know if shes actually the one who makes the whole world be reborn or not but i will put that out there.

theres also the line like "we lost something without a shape or feeling" & i think thats another tie into the theme of needing to keep their "self" for any of this to be possible.

unplanned apoptosis

theres a lot going on here. this chara is hilarious to me bc all the others are pretty collected about the whole thing all things considered and shes just acting out the whole time.

she hates it. shes fed up & i think should be considered an unreliable narrator to an extent. she tries to act like fine whatever i dont care but she does. she does. she also doesnt want to take blame for anything.

now, theres the line in here like jibun wo koroshite and this isnt in the way u might immediately think. i also hesitate to say its the same "self" the other songs are talking about considering its jibun rather than jiga. its more like suppressing & denying her true feelings to deal with everything. not that that wouldnt tie in to that big theme if she took it too far but for now shes safe.

theres text in this song this time tying it directly to oumen mokushiroku in case the art wasnt enough for u to know that. its a bit about fate being predetermined for them, a bit about things continuing in the same direction they've been, but shes brought back again

the songs really a lamentation of losing her past and future to this as well as showing how badly shes handling it.

and theres a bit of foreshadowing here in the what with the window(s) behind her being dark and broken while also being the exact same in composition to the one in oumen mokushiroku. which u think initially is because the angel cant help her, but the lines in canon about something causing the glass to break i really think is in reference to this and is saying she's at least part of the reason the angel cant help anyone. whether shes aware of this i cant say bc shes a liar who doesnt take blame for anything & since this is her viewpoint thats a bit unclear.

marshall maximizer

i think its that it's asa's art instead of sena yuta's that people think this is unrelated but honestly arent u people so confused. u look at these lyrics and think its a stand alone song? are u not so confused?

anyway, this is actually another big one in terms of plot

welcome to sunk cost fallacy the song. like literally. thats what it is, admitting they've put everything into what they're doing that it's probably not worth it, but they've been at it this long they can't just stop either. its gotta pay out eventually right-

but if u take anything away from this, its that "people" or at least this character can tell when someone isnt one of them anymore. theres the lines like "observing you acting like a person gone mad" "to you who's pretending to be a person gone mad" where both "person" and "you" are written in katakana much like when the concept of being a "person" is discussed in aru sekai shoushitsu. "you" (kimi) being similar to "thing" (mono) in this case (shout out to hayato in the hiiragima tag on twitter for figuring this out btw)

theres also the iconic lines up to hito de nashi? as though to say, but if you act as a person does, then arent you a person as well?

and then the text. its. heavy. discussing what it means to be a person, if there's something special about it, if it matters to be alive for yourself or because of something else (in a series context. so. being forced to live without the "self" they need for example) it even starts to get into the "mono" versus "hito" concept until both characters talking get too overwhelmed by it. the character they were talking to then "disappears" after admitting they might nit be a "person" which seems to say those that lose their "self" dont get to continue.

for now though, the character narrating the song is still a "person" they still get to try again, and they continue to

canon

another one i see people say isnt part of aru sekai series. it says aru sekai de in the first lyric. whats not clicking.

this ones more on why things arent quite working out.

theres a sense of balance they need to keep in place, presumably, so they can make it out of this, but each time something happens that upsets the balance. again, theres the mention of cracking the glass that i think is a reference to that window in both oumen mokushiroku and unplanned apoptosis. this seems to be their sign if things are working out or not, the chorus of this song seems to being saying if the glass breaks theyve messed up, nothings going to change and they need to try again.

this chara's like the others in that shes also tired of everything, but she still has her "self" so she has to keep trying. only she'll do anything that might work so they dont have to do this again, so they "don't say goodbye" again. which includes lying a bit so people will try her ideas.

theres also the part admitting they didn't want any sacrifices for this, but, clearly, that didn't work out in their favor. this is probably a pretty broad definition of sacrifice, can be everything from time, energy, etc to sacrificing their "selves" for their cause.

theres also text in this song!! its coded in the video but shunnanna in the hiiragima tag decoded it so we know the text! it talks a bit about coming to and realizing the worlds okay, theres pretty flowers, and it smells like it just rained. it also then repeats the nami no ne no lines from aru sekai shoushitsu. the last part talks about a risky experiment that got out of control and ended up destroying everything. which that last part, to me, seems to imply this whole thing was their fault in the first place.

in the end tho, this songs the same they don't accomplish much and have to try again.

kugutsu ashura

tongue twister mantra the song.

this ones interesting bc the character isnt human to begin with (being ashura) so i think thats why the motif isnt here. they get to repeat in their own way tho.

shes just that. a puppet really. she cant do anything to help out, rather she can only do what she's supposed to so to speak.

if u can get through the wording though theres a lot to this!

its a bit more of an outsider's perspective at how needlessly desperate this how thing is. things are awful, everyone's having a bad time, hell, people are actually dying, but no one listens to reason and things keep continuing on in the same way. it places a lot of blame on the place that started the whole thing, the place mentioned in the canon text i believe, honestly for a good reason, and kind of criticizes whats going on.

and then u have the ending that really cements its part of the series for me, the whole thing changes into what feels like almost hope which is a nice change for this series. it talks of moving forward, of getting new starts, it works in the theme of rain especially with urufu as the same base as uruoi wo from aru sekai shoushitsu, and then of course the "mata ibukuyou ni" being thematically similar to the "umareyou mou ichido" also from aru sekai shoushitsu

theres a lot of specifics in the whole thing & a lot of very specific word choice but i think that gets the point across for now

theres no extra text either but honestly the lyrics are quite enough context if u can decipher them

laboratory

this song is so heavy. like. up until now things have been left rather vague and theres room to doubt how dire everything is especially with how subjective the songs are but this.

this girl is losing her "self". thats the whole song. her just terrified and being completely unable to stop it even though she would do anything to change things. all that talk from the other songs about whos a "person" and whos a "thing" this is a "person" whos becoming a "thing" and doesnt have a choice in it. i dont know what she did. but this is her punishment for it. she ignored things she shouldn't've and now she cant be her "self" anymore.

this is telling us directly its not just the world theyre fighting for, theyre fighting for everything that makes them who they are too. it's traumatizing in its own way that they live through the end of the world repeatedly. but now shes living through the end of herself and she wont get another chance. and thats why theres no motif in this one. she is no longer a "person" she can no longer continue. theres also no extra text in this song.

thank u if u read the whole thing thats where we're up to right now!! i hope thats enough to at least get started. theres a lot of deep diving u can do in this series & its a lot of fun to keep up with as it happens bc sometimes a new song just clicks so many things into place.

[thatfuckingweirdo]

Up, Up and Away...

Bucky Barnes x Insecure!Female Reader

Summary: Bucky turns soft in the middle of sex, and you're left wondering if you were the cause.

Warnings: Angst, insecurities, erectile dysfunction, tears, self doubt, semi smut, implied smut, and uh, I think that's all?

Authors Notes: This was a fun one to write! It definitely got out of hand and I'm glad I ended it before it got any longer, no pun intended!

This is written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club thank you so much for the prompt! 💙

Word count: 1,298

Hours Earlier

"Oh Bucky… yes… right there…" you moaned, your nails scratching down his back as he fucked you hard, the mattress squeaking under you that only made the sex feel so much better and intimate.

Bucky was panting quietly, a permanent frown in between his eyes. He was so tired from the mission and the stress from the upcoming mission didn't help his mood, there were things on his mind but he wanted to please you before the two of you went to sleep.

The longer he was thrusting, the more tired he was feeling and fuck… he turned soft inside of you. Ashamed, he pulled out and sighed, rolling away from you and bouncing back on his side of the bed. "Sorry doll, good night." He mumbled under his breath, reaching over to turn off the lamp. He was already snoring before you had the chance to say goodnight.

Present time...

The coffee cup in front of you held your interest as you stared into the cup. Was it you? Was Bucky not sexually attracted to you anymore? Did he finally open his eyes and realize just what he could have with someone else? This has never happened before, not in the three years of your relationship. His stamina and sexual appetite has always been really good that sometimes you would need to turn him down because of how sore he made you.

You couldn't make sense of it. The more you thought about it, the more likely it felt like it was your fault. It was also the first time you slept away from each other, it was like two strangers in a bed where in normal circumstances, you would usually be cuddling up to each other in the night. It was strange and you didn't feel good about it.

Bucky soon joined you in the kitchen, pouring his own coffee and sitting down silently opposite you, flipping through the pages of the newspaper. He hasn't said good morning, you realize and it stings. What you weren't aware of was the embarrassment he was feeling from last night. He shouldn't have let the stress and tiredness get to him which caused his boner to deflate mid use. He didn't know how to apologize for such a thing.

The mission coming up was the worst one yet because it was an infiltration of a hydra base, the former bunker in which he was kept and that's why this mission weighed down heavy on his shoulders.

Bucky realized he forgot to say good morning and looked up from his newspaper to find you already starting at him with a sad look in your eyes. He smiled as kindly as he could before clearing his throat and scratching his head. "Mornin' doll."

A little bit of hope sends flutters to your stomach and you shift in your seat before clearing your own throat. "Morning, did you sleep okay?" The atmosphere feels awkward and you hate it. It's never been like this before.

"Yeah- yeah I slept good. Just waiting for this mission to be over and done with." He sighs, gulping down his coffee in one go and standing up to put the dirty cup in the sink.

The morning after the awkward encounter in the kitchen, Bucky left for his week-long mission with a quick kiss to your cheek. You spent most of that time alone and it was probably the most dangerous thing you could have done. All of your insecurities crept back one by one, making you feel like you were the most grossest person on earth. The nights were spent crying and sobbing into his pillow, you would wake up the next morning with headaches and sore eyes.

On the fourth night, there were no more tears left to cry. You did wake up in a bitter mood though, it only improved slightly because an agent had come running in to inform everyone the team was on their way back earlier than expected. Apparently, the mission had been a success. You're glad that nobody was hurt, but you couldn't help the anxious feeling of what would happen with you and Bucky. What would happen to your relationship?

You would soon learn things would remain the same, you still haven't talked about that night and your insecurities were still eating away in your mind. Bucky hasn't initiated sex since, and to be honest it only made you feel worse. You started to wear full pajamas to bed instead of just your sleep shirt and panties because you thought it would make him feel a bit more comfortable around you.

It hurt a lot more when you would notice his bulge in his sweatpants from watching a steamy sex scene in a movie, but not around you. Deciding you couldn't take this anymore, you figured the best thing to do would be to move out of his room and back into your old one. You had to negotiate a hug with Tony for your key back, but it was worth it.

Bucky walked in after his run with Steve to find you throwing your clothes into a duffel bag and tears streaming down your face. Panicked, he closed and locked the door behind him to stop you from walking out before he's had a chance to speak to you.

"Doll? What's going on?" His brows furrow even deeper when you ignore him, and he grabs the duffel bag and throws it over the other side of the room. Thank goodness the window wasn't open.

"I could ask you the same question. It's fine if you're not sexually attracted to me anymore but it's an insult if there's something more going on-"

"Something more? What are you talking about? And who said I wasn't sexually attracted to you? Did that Neil guy say something?" Bucky was feeling angrier by the second. Not at you of course, but he hated people on the outside of your relationship sticking their opinions in your business.

"I'm talking about that night, Bucky. You haven't initiated sex with me since and I know it's something to do with me because I've seen you adjusting yourself from watching a movie!"

"Doll, it's a misunderstanding please let me explain?" He pleads, taking your hands and kissing the back of them before capturing your tears with his thumbs. You nod, taking a seat on the bed and waiting for him to continue. He kneels down in front of you and rests his arms on your thighs. "That night had nothing to do with you baby, you felt as amazing as ever. It was my fault; I got myself worked up over the missions that it interfered with… things. And, I haven't initiated anything because I thought you were ashamed of me and I was embarrassed."

You let out a breath that you didn't realize you were holding. "So, you still want me?" You sniffled, wiping your wet cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater.

Bucky looks almost offended that you could ask such a question. "Of course I want you doll, I always want you. Can I show you how much?" His eyes drop to your lips and you subconsciously lick them out of the bad habit you have.

"How- do you wanna do that?" Bucky smirks at your question and reaches for your hand before dipping it under the elastic of his running shorts and boxers. You gasp audibly when you're met with something very hard, hot and pulsing against your fingertips with need.

"You see? It's not you, it was me. If it was you, I wouldn't be constantly horny for you." He winks, shoving his pants and boxers down his legs to let his erection spring free. "Now, let me show you how much I want and need you."

[masterwords]

the things that make up a life (part two)

Summary: Hotch helps Jessica move Roy into her apartment. It doesn't go well, and he's supposed to fly to Chicago to celebrate Fran's birthday afterward. (Coda to 10x20 & 10x21 because combining them makes for pain.)

Warnings: a lot of angst, depression, trauma from Scratch, mention of suicidal thoughts...

Pairings: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 2.5k

Notes: Remember how I said two parts? I meant three. I MEANT THREE. I'm still not sorry. The entire thing is written but I didn't have time to edit the whole thing tonight. I said I was going to post more tonight so I broke it up to keep part of my promise anyway. Part Three will be it, and it will be this weekend in between baseball madness.

Read on AO3: the things that make up a life

**

The walk through the airport was calming in some strange way. The anonymity of it, eyes scanning the crowd and never fully landing on him. It would all change the minute they reached cruising altitude, his head was going to pound mercilessly for the duration of the flight and there was nothing he could do about that.

It was funny, as he stood there waiting for them to acknowledge that yes, they could bump his flight up, yes, they did have room, they also offered him an upgrade to first class. Under normal circumstances he would pass, a flight this short really made very little difference, but the luxury of not being stuffed quite so close together with that many other people sounded like the breather he needed. For once, there was no buyer's remorse on indulgence. His headache had settled back into a dull throb in his temples, the kind he could look past, and he hoped that it was a good sign. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

The flight was short, but with the way his mind turned to mush and regrouped almost continually over the worst parts of the morning, it felt like hours. It wasn't what Roy said, he'd made his peace with Roy's harsh words already, had a whole week to chew on those and let them fester inside of him. They were a ball of rot in his belly, but they weren't gathering strength, they'd done their harm. The photo album, his face being scrubbed from memories, Sean being there and him being a phantom. Pictures being folded to keep him from them, Haley's beaming smile beside a ghost. An empty page. It was the way a jilted ex would doctor photos to erase memories. The way a teenager might act, not a grown man. Jessica's words, surprising as they were, married easily with the photos. They made sense there, tied it all into a neat little package.

He considered calling Derek from the airport, seeing if he'd come and pick him up. The idea of walking outside to wait in the rain to hail a cab was unpleasant, but he thought of the look of surprise on Derek's face, on Jack's face, if he showed up a day early and it was a bright spot he couldn't focus past. Outside he hobbled, his sore muscles stiff, especially in his lower back. A row of bright yellow and white cabs smiled at him, he could take his pick and it was the second bright spot in his otherwise stormy day. Once inside, he tucked himself around his small leather bag and stared out the window at the airport they were slowly curling around and leaving behind. Derek had all of the rest of their clothes with him already and he thought now seemed like a fine time to finally comfortably take something for the pain in his head that had, as predicted, come screaming back at him the moment the plane went above the clouds. The pain would dull to a low throb right around the time he was dropped off, the fog settling in long after he was safety inside Fran Morgan's home. He could afford the luxury, he told himself, happy to be saddled with one pain he had some control over.

He stood on the stoop and collected himself. There was a jumble of thoughts all vying for center stage, and all he really wanted was a few blissful moments to focus on the surprise of him showing up a full day early. The fog was starting to creep into his head, a fine mist settling over everything.

The photo of Sean floated through his mind again, the way he looked so like Jack. He stood there on the stoop for a little too long, attempting to catch his breath. To make peace with his morning and let it go, at least for now, because this was not about him. They were there to celebrate Fran's birthday, and she deserved to have a better version of him than the one that currently stood on her porch. Without thinking, he rang the doorbell and waited. It didn't take long before the door was flung open to reveal Fran's smiling face, Derek attempting to look surprised right behind her. She nearly bowled him over, wrapping him in a hug. It was completely silent, like she could read some dark tale in his eyes and didn't dare acknowledge it. Her hug pulled him into the moment, spread warmth through his cold lungs. Her arms around him made him forget the pulse in his forehead for one blissful moment.

Derek approached next, wrapping him in a too tight hug. It reeked of desperation, and Aaron had the briefest suspicion that Jessica had called him and warned him. It didn't matter. He snaked his arms around Aaron's sagging shoulders, up high, pressing his nose against Aaron's temple and breathed him in deep. There was the smell of shampoo still lingering beneath sweat and dust, the smell of a man who worked hard all morning and was bone tired.

“You're early,” Derek whispered. He could feel the way Aaron's muscles coiled beneath him, his shallow labored breaths coming at irregular and pained intervals. He didn't have all of the information, but he was vaguely aware of what had happened and how precariously they were balanced on the edge of some deep pit. Aaron was clawing desperately at the sides of the cliff, trying to keep hold of something, to not fall to pieces. Fran deserved better, Jack shouldn't see it, Derek's family didn't need his baggage and yet something about Derek's arms around him just ruined his ability to hold it together. The safety in it was too much to fight against. The tears came anyway and he wrapped his arms around Derek's waist, locked his hands together at the small of Derek's back and cried into his shoulder. He'd spent his entire flight telling himself, in very precise terms, not to do this and yet here he was.

Jack peeked around the corner from the dining room and watched silently, his young mind racing to build scenarios to explain what he was seeing.

“Hey,” Derek whispered against Aaron's ear, patting between his shoulders, his hug tightening almost uncomfortably. Aaron could feel his shoulders grinding in their sockets and he squirmed and shifted against Derek, pushing in closer. “It's okay. Everything's okay.”

“I know,” he nodded. It was weak, his face still pressed against Derek's neck now slick with his tears. Jack slipped silent back into the other room, understanding nothing except that he was intruding on a moment he wasn't ever meant to see. Aaron drew a shaky breath and cleared his throat, attempting to save what little face he could and stand up straight. “My head is bad today,” he said, thinking it might save him from admitting to the problems with Roy until later. Derek nodded, unconvinced but he wasn't an idiot and they both knew it was a weak explanation. His head had been bad every day since Peter Lewis, it wasn't new and it certainly didn't explain this. He'd talk to Jessica later, get the full story, she wouldn't hold back. You don't love a man like Aaron without finding ways to circumvent his little quirks.

“He'll be in here in a few minutes,” Fran said, pulling Jack to her and walking him back down the hallway away from his fathers at the door. “Your dad shoulders a lot of burdens that don't belong to him.”

“I know,” Jack replied quietly. “I wish he didn't do that.”

“I bet he does, too.” She had seen Jack do it too. He would get sullen and serious when his father had hard days, when Derek was upset about something that didn't go the way he expected. Their moods affected Jack, he would try to shoulder their burdens, ease their minds. She'd watched him try to make dinner once when Aaron worked late and Derek was sick in bed, and while he didn't know how to make anything more than sandwiches and potato chips, he did it because it would make life easier for the people he lived with. “I know my grandpa is mean to him about my mom. I hear him sometimes when he doesn't think I do.”

Fran regarded her grandson seriously and sighed, wrapping her arms around him. He shouldn't know the things he knew, and she couldn't change it no matter how she tried to wish it away. There was so much of his father in him. She never met his mother but she found herself hoping it was enough to save him from the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Out on the stoop, Derek had convinced Aaron to sit down. They would stay outside until he felt comfortable walking in, until he was convinced his rain cloud wouldn't ruin the evening. He wasn't convinced it was likely to happen. His voice was tight and too quiet to hear over the roar of traffic and the train rushing over tracks behind the house, but Derek got the basic idea fairly quickly. He rubbed mindlessly at a small hole in the knee of his pants and Derek watched him. “I need to get over it,” he sighed finally.

Derek raised an eyebrow, ready to speak for the first time. “No you don't. You need to accept it, sure, but you don't have to get over anything. Get into it. Fuckin' cry and get it out. That man's been more of a father to you than your own ever was, you deserve to grieve for what you've lost.”

The worst part was that he hadn't even gotten into the real meat of the problem. The photo of Sean, what Jessica said on the stairs, the pit was deep and he'd barely scraped the surface. Toss in a rock and you'll never hear it hit the bottom. He became vaguely aware that he was crying again when Derek reached out and pulled him close, tucked him into the crook of his arm and kissed the top of his head. It was a show of tenderness that he would normally have been uncomfortable with in such an exposed area but the way the sobs shuddered through him immobilized all other functions. Two weeks of complete frustration, from the moment he found out about Roy's diagnosis to Peter Lewis and now this just pouring out of him in a way so ugly and so uncontrollable that he felt like a monster. A million insignificant details built up into a tempest.

“He's right,” he whispered shakily, his voice rough and worn. “I know he's right.”

“Like hell he is,” Derek snapped back. “Just because some asshole...” By asshole he meant Foyet, but Aaron didn't care, he wasn't going to entertain excuses for what he knew he was responsible for.

“Derek don't. Please.” He was suddenly afraid that Jack would walk outside and see, and it had gone on long enough. He had to put an end to it, pull himself together. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, pushed away the last of the tears there and sucked in a deep, tremor of a breath. “It's fine. I need to call Jess and let her know I made it, I'll be inside in a few minutes.”

Derek threw his hands in the air in defeat, frustrated and stalked inside. He couldn't figure out how to break through, Aaron would have to arrive there on his own if he was going to do it at all. He sat with Jack instead, offered to deal another hand of poker when Aaron wandered back inside looking like he'd been put through the ringer. His eyes were red, glassy and raw, and Derek could tell that whatever conversation he'd had with Jessica had gone about as well as everything else that day. He couldn't hide it and didn't exactly try to, just tried to push past it and force a weak smile through tears that wouldn't seem to stop. A broken faucet, not exactly crying but his eyes were just too bright and wet and wide. A slow trickle.

“Happy Birthday,” he whispered when Fran pulled his defeated form into another hug, like she just couldn't help herself. She pushed up onto her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, let him cry into her hair. “I'm sorry.”

“No apology necessary,” she whispered back, holding him in her warmth. He couldn't place her perfume but it was soft, vaguely floral and made him think of powder rooms and dried roses. “You cry if you need to cry. I love you, darling.” While Derek had, moment before, been only mildly irritated he was now growing concerned. The last time he'd seen Aaron so beside himself that the tears flowed effortlessly, it had come up alongside some scary moments and dark thoughts. A pervading feeling of worthlessness and no longer idle consideration of his own mortality, his desire to continue walking his path. A pill bottle in hand in the dark bathroom, a carefully placed razor blade catching the gleam of the overhead light, his fingers toying with the safety lock on his gun safe...little moments of temptation that Derek had the distinct impression he'd broken in on at the exact second before a thought became a decision. Derek felt the familiar fear swell in his chest and for the rest of the evening found himself following Aaron like a lost puppy, never taking his eyes off of him. If he went to the bathroom, Derek was right there hovering, striking up some senseless conversation that would keep him talking.

Derek curled around him in bed like a dragon guarding its treasure and asked how his head was, if he'd remembered to take all of his medication and vitamins, if he'd eaten enough for dinner. Like he was afraid to let Aaron go to sleep for fear he might not wake up.

Aaron eased himself into the inquisition with his eyes closed against a pounding headache from crying all afternoon. There was the light fog in his brain from the painkiller, a fog he intended to make sure lasted the duration of the trip, but the headache that resulted from the tears was different and so far untouchable. Like a hangover, he felt dry, like a husk. He answered as many questions as he felt were reasonable, understanding Derek's concern, and while it wasn't necessary he allowed it until finally with a yawn he put an end to it. One soft kiss to Derek's arm wrapped around him, a delicate smile turning up just the corners of his mouth. “Goodnight.”

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