#also I don’t really like how I wrote this but the IDEA is what I love so I’m sharing it
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birthday- w. maximoff
pairing: fwb!wanda x reader
summary: misunderstandings can change things.
a/n: hi all! i hope yall are good! i wrote this a little bit after the first part came out. i love angst! unsure if i want a third part. also, if you don’t like this literally don’t tell me because im sensitive and cry easily
minors do not interact
“i assumed you would’ve confessed to wanda by now” natasha says as she fixes a pile of papers on your desk, “you know, since you’re head over heels for her”
nat smirks as you give her the side eye and roll your eyes, you swivel your chair towards her.
“i’m not head over heels for her. i’m ju-“
“stupid?”
narrowing your eyes and tilting your head to the side, “okay, no”
meeting natasha was by far one of the greatest strokes of luck in your life. sure, she could be blunt at times— but when it comes down to it, she tells you what you need to hear.
unfortunately, this was also one of those times.
she has constantly insisted on the idea that you need to muster up the courage to tell wanda about your feelings for her. she always says that she believes wanda feels the same towards you, but your insecurities and doubt always get in the way.
except this would actually be the second time you confess, not the first. not that you even are aware of that fact.
you don’t really recall the first time you told wanda how you felt about her. you were drunk at a party, and only wanda has a clear memory of it. however, out of respect for you and your ability to get embarrassed quickly, wanda never brought it up again.
“i just feel like it’s a losing game, you know?” you say softly, rubbing your temples, “i always thought that if one of us were to tell the other if we caught feelings, it would be her. she’s always been more upfront with her emotions than i have. i think she really only sees me as what we’d agreed upon, nat. what if im just a way for her to pass time?
you pout softly, your emotions now coming forth in front of your long time friend and colleague.
“i just feel like she treats me like a girlfriend some days, and other days it’s just,” you take in a deep breath and groan out of frustration, “other days she tells me about a girl she saw, or someone she matched with on a dating app. do you know what i mean? i get mixed signals sometimes”
nat looks at you with a sympathetic look on her face, biting her lip slightly to keep from saying anything she really shouldn’t.
truth is, nat always had an feeling that you two would end up together one way or another, she’s always rooted for you two. the only way that could happen is if the two of you get your head out of your asses. in fact, she’d tried to get wanda to come forth about her own feelings.
however, wanda was dating someone at the time of said conversation— and out of respect for her then partner, wanda kept her quiet and buried her feelings deep inside. timing has never been on your side, will it ever?
“i don’t know if there’s anything i can say to get you to tell her, but,” she raises her eyebrows and makes her voice firm to try to emphasize her point, “all i can say is that wanda is a beautiful girl who’s got brains and a personality on her. she won’t be around forever. you know you won’t forgive yourself if you don’t at least try with her”
there it is, the brutal truth you knew that natasha was going to throw at you— and what sucks the most is the fact that it’s exactly what you needed to hear.
wanda has had to call off your agreement on a few occasions because she’d gotten serious with two girls; and each time it’d left you sobbing in natasha’s arms in her apartment because you couldn’t fathom the thought of wanda with another girl.
with a soft nod, “how should i even do that? or when?”
natasha begins another one of her long speeches about how you could be losing the person who could be the one, emphasizing how you’d be the one at fault if you let her get away.
on the drive home, you can’t help but replay natasha’s words in your mind, you aren’t sure why they they’re resonating this specific time.
“don’t wait too long, you know. you never know who could come along and sweep her off her feet. that’ll be the last time you have wanda like how you have her now”
those specific words echo in your head as you get home, unsure why they’re weighing heavy on your chest this time.
sighing softly, “come on, baby, i need to get you home,” wanda says as she guides you to her car with her hand guiding you by the lower back. she had your purse and coat in her other hand, ensuring she’d grabbed everything you’d brought with you.
you two were finally at the end of the road, officially a month from graduating college and decided to attend one last party together before you were thrown into the deep end of adulthood.
you had a few too many to drink that night and wanda knew by the fourth drink and the way you couldn’t keep your hands off of her, she had to get you home safely before you ran off somewhere as soon as she took her eyes off of you.
you reached for the handle of the car door before having your hand gently smacked away.
“you know better than that,” she started softly before opening the door for you and allowing you to get comfortable in her passenger seat. wanda knew you hated having your heels on in the car, so she crouched down to remove them before giving you a quick kiss to the cheek.
wanda pulls back gently to look at your face, your glazed eyes looking back at her with a look of.. adoration?
she smiles softly and places a gentle hand on the side of your face, “you’re beautiful”
rolling your eyes and trying to hide your blush, you giggle and nudge her shoulder in a playful manner.
wanda chuckles at how you’re easy to fluster with just two words. placing another small kiss to your cheek, she closes the passenger door.
you watched as she rounded the car and get into the drivers seat with low lidded glazed eyes, a small crooked smile on your face as you watch her. the maroon mid length dress she wore was nothing short of elegant. her curled dark hair and light makeup enhanced her features so beautifully that you feared you’d somehow spill your guts to her if she made one more right move.
but you couldn’t. wanda was seeing someone— granted, it wasn’t serious nor do you think they’d even slept together, but you were terrified of being that girl.
in fact, you were too. you had been seeing maria from your public policy course for the past two months but you could never bring yourself to feel for her what you so deeply felt for wanda. you two had a mutual break up a few days later.
wanda enters the car and shrugs off her coat, her arm muscles now showing even more with the street light illuminating the inside of the car in a specific way. she fixes her hair and puts on her seat belt before she looks over at you with concern.
“you okay, bub? what’s wrong?” wanda asks softly, placing a gentle hand on your thigh as she furrows her eyebrows at your distant far off look.
wanda had no idea what was going through your head, not a single clue as to what was about to come out of your lips.
“do you ever think meant to be together? or are we just destined to be some sort of parallel line that run close but never touch”
a flicker of panic come over wanda’s face and her gentle caress on your thigh stops abruptly.
the air in the car now feels heavier, as if the spoken words have broken the ‘casual-ness’ of your spoken agreement.
wanda always hoped you two would speak about this, but when you were sober and coherent.
it came out of your lips so naturally, as if you’d said it before.
like this has been weighing heavily on your mind for a while.
wanda’s heart clenched, especially at the fact that she had finally realized that you’d been wondering about the same thing she had for years.
“i-“
wanda was completely and utterly dumbfounded for the first time when it came to you. she often, no— not often, always had an idea of what would come out of your mouth.
she often found herself staring at you when you’d speak to your friends from across the room. she’d smile at how animatedly you’d react to people words and how you’d cover your mouth as you’d giggle at a joke someone said. she could easily pride herself in the fact that she knew you.
but this, what you’d just said, had her tongue tied.
she wished you were sober. she wished you were sober so she could confess that she’d been in love with you for so long, before you two even agreed to get into bed with each other. that ever since you two were nineteen during your first year of college, she couldn’t stop thinking of you in a way that friends shouldn’t think of each other in.
but you were drunk.
you were seeing someone and so was she.
so she made the hard decision to keep her silence and take you home safely, without any casualties.
“you’re drunk,” she says sadly, her eyes showing every ounce of emotion going in through her head, “let’s save this for another day”
that day never came.
walking through the door of wanda’s apartment to get into the party wanda said she’d throw you, you’re instantly greeted with a bunch of your closest friends and a few extra guests who happened to be their plus ones.
immediately, you found yourself scanning the room and smiling at the people who were in the space. you could hear chatter and laughter, warming your heart knowing that it all came from the people you knew and loved.
with soft music in the background and the smell of wanda’s cooking, you feel immediately at ease with the atmosphere of the party.
you walk in and are greeted by your friends wishing you a happy birthday. after thanking them and giving them hugs, you find yourself by the drink table to try and loosen up.
wanda was considerate enough, as always, to ensure that the people who were invited to the party were people you could actually stand to hold a conversation with unlike other parties where you had to endure endless small chat that rotted at your brain.
speaking of wanda, you’d yet to see her even though this is her apartment. you try your best to subtly look around the room for any sight of the girl who takes up space in your mind every day.
scanning the room, you look for the dark haired girl but come up short. pouring softly, you take another sip of your drink and go to find natasha who has a look of amusement on her face as she watches you search for wanda.
“how nice of you to finally make it to your own birthday party,” she teases, “you look nice. is this the dress wanda bought you?”
it was. in fact, you’d never been a fan of dressing too girly until wanda coaxed you into letting her buy you a dress, and this one happened to be the most recent one she’s bought you.
she was always a fan of how baby blue looked on you. she liked it so much on you that she took it upon herself to buy you another two dresses, each could be used for different events.
this specific dress fell just below mid thigh and you paired it with a simple pair of white heels. you kept your makeup natural and did your hair, subconsciously styling yourself the way you know wanda would compliment. i mean, she is the one who bought you this dress and threw you this party.
what are friends with benefits for if not that?
trying to hide a small blush at natasha’s words, you nod softly and try to look away to avoid her incessant teasing.
she laughs softly and nudges your shoulder, “i haven’t seen her”
you turn back to her with a furrow of your brows and try to act like you don’t know what she’s talking about.
“your girlfriend,” she says in a monotone voice, as if it’s obvious who she’s talking about.
a small pout forms on your lips as you realize that no one’s seen wanda. everything seemed to be flowing smoothly and it didn’t seem like she needed to go out to get anything for the party, so where could she be?
turning back to natasha and excusing yourself to go grab a quick snack from the kitchen, you turn on your heel to grab a quick breather before having to go back out and socialize all night.
while at the table, you feel a presence right next to you, staring. agatha.
“well, well,” she begins in that tone of hers, “it seems like your girlfriend isn’t yours anymore, huh? is that why you’re all alone?”
you quickly whip your head towards her. not yours anymore? your body feels like it’s gone cold and you can’t pry your eyes away from agatha, almost trying to urge her to say something else, to continue on with what she just started.
“what do you mean?”
agathas’s smirk widens as she realizes shes hit a nerve.
“well, she’s not glued to you like usual. no cozying up, no fetching you whatever you need, having you on her lap. i mean, what do you mean what do i mean?”
patience wearing thin and not wanting to deal with agatha beating around the bush, you step closer to her with a firm look on your face, “where is wanda? who’s she with?”
agatha is caught off guard by your sudden jealous and angry demeanor, she drops the act.
tilting her head towards the crowd, and giving you a look of pity, “sorry, babe. last i saw her she was cozying up with a girl with a green dress. you took to long to get your girl.”
your blood runs cold for the umpteenth time in just the past twenty minutes. it’s almost like your body knew this was coming but your brain didn’t. had you just lost wanda? was it for good this time?
you turn your head to look for natasha in the living room, she’s already looking at you with a look of pity. she nods her head to the opposite side of the living room, gesturing towhere wanda is with a dark haired girl.
a knot twists inside of your chest and it feels like the air has been knocked out of you. it’s like a movie you hate but can’t tear your eyes away from. wanda looks beautiful, happy.
and you hate it.
the two look comfortable together, sitting too close for your liking. wanda’s left leg is over her right and the girl has her hand placed on her thigh.
wanda’s looking at her with a look you believed was only meant for you. the softly smile on her face and the way her eyes drift down to the girls lips makes you sick.
they’re well into a conversation and you can see how wanda is laughing at her jokes, placing her hand on the girl’s forearm as she throws her head back in a fit of laughter.
it seems all too natural and intimate.
every interaction you watch them share feels like a blow to the stomach, the air feeling like it’s being knocked out of you again.
in this moment, you slowly begin to realize that wanda was never yours. every shared moment that you two shared together, every kiss and caress, was just a way to pass the time.
you feel nauseous.
you excuse yourself from agatha and quickly find a way to wanda’s patio, where it’s vacant and you can hide for a while out here.
wanda’s apartment had a beautiful view of the city. you two often sat outside together and cuddled with a blanket and a cup of coffee after work often. you found comfort in wanda, even if you were unsure of what you two were.
she worked hard for everything she had in life and it was something you truly admired about her. she didn’t have the easiest upbringing and the fact that she still remains soft after it all and continued to be a beautiful is something you love about her.
replaying the conversation with both natasha and agatha, you can’t help but feel like a complete idiot as you realize how everything almost felt as if it was foreshadowing to this very moment.
you hear the door to the patio open but don’t turn back, you already know who it is.
familiar soft footsteps stop right next to you and you immediately smell her perfume. it’s the same one you gave her a few years ago and for the first time, it makes you sick.
“you’re wearing the dress,” amusement in her voice as she looks at the city with you, “and you look beautiful”
you smile softly but don’t engage in conversation, just acknowledging her compliment. wanda frowns softly at your lack of attention, not used to you immediately turning around and throwing back a flirt remark at her.
watching you from the side of her eye, she can tell just by your body language that something is bothering you.
you two stand at the patio railing for another few minutes, just in each others presence, until she decides to point out the elephant in the room.
“are you okay?” she asks, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.
wanda’s concern warms your heart, but you know it’s just meant to be in a friendly way. the way she always looks out for you always tugs on your heart strings.
you want to get angry with her. you want to yell and scream at her to get the hell away from you. ask her why she would string you along with pretty words and gentle gestures that screamed ‘i love you.’
but you can’t.
because at the end of the day, somehow you always find yourself back in wanda’s arms and you could never tell her you hate her. it just isn’t true. it couldn’t ever be true.
forcing the emotion down your throat, you force yourself to tell her you’re okay. forcing a smile as you look at her, you try to fake it.
but wanda knows you.
“bub,” with a soft voice, “what’s wrong?”
there it is. she knows exactly what to say, how to say it, and how to get her way.
“i just,” a deep breath, “i didn’t know you’d be bringing a date to the party.”
wanda’s face falters and she doesn’t know what to say. the girl back there was not at all her date, nor could she even fathom the idea of bringing another girl when today was supposed to be about you.
she dismissively waves a hand in front of her as she looks away, almost trying to deflect and avoid the topic, but she sees the way you’re trying to hide your hurt at the whole situation.
she begins picking at her finger nails, a nervous habit you’ve tried to help her stop. trying to figure out what to say, she stares at the ground. the last thing she’d ever want to do it hurt you, and yet here she was.
“she’s,” a slight moment of hesitation “she’s not my date. she just..”
her voice falters and she doesn’t know how to carry on so she just sighs and looks at you with an apologetic look.
wanda looks beautiful. i mean, how could she not? she’s wearing the outfit you love so much. the black pants and white top that you’ve always said makes her look sophisticated. you two always laugh at that, especially since the thought of you two now looking and acting like fully fledged adults is something that neither of you could never wrap your heads around.
“she’s just someone i’m talking to for the night, i swear” wanda fidgets uncomfortably, unsure of how to navigate this conversation. she’s never seen this side of you, the way your hidden jealousy wants to boil over.
you give her a sad smile and just shake your head, silently telling her she doesn’t have to continue. placing your hands over hers, you hold onto them tightly and bring them up to your lips to place a soft kiss against her knuckles.
“thank you for the party, wands”
wanda panics immediately, the way you said that felt like it had some sense of finality to it. anxiety fills her chest and she feels like her legs could give out at any minute. she tries to say something, anything, to get you to stay with her.
but she’s caught off guard and she doesn’t have anything on the tip of her tongue, except for the three words she’s wanted to say for so long.
giving her a hug, you hold her tightly and allow yourself to feel her touch one last time. you want to tell her you love her, tell her everything that you’ve been meaning to say.
but you fall short, like on every occasion you’ve wanted to confess.
you give her a kiss on the cheek and hold her waist as you pull back, smiling softly at her.
in this moment, you fully understand what natasha meant by telling you, “if you’re not going to tell her how much she means to you and you love her, you need to let her go. you know she deserves that much.”
wanda tries to hold onto you tightly, as if you’ll float away if she even let go for a fraction of a second. her heart was racing and she was on the verge of tears.
you release wanda as you take a step back, looking at her face and trying to take in as much of her as possible knowing this very well may be the last time you see her.
“i’ll see you.”
#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x r#wanda maximoff x reader#marvel#fwb!wanda#fwb!wanda maximoff#jealous!wanda maximoff#wanda x y/n#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wstviewvidal#noe writes
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Wasn’t your pet!Ford au meant to show how toxic and abusive Billfold is? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like people are genuinely enjoying this AU. I mean, I like it too! Don’t get me wrong! But it seems some people might be missing the point of it?
Hmm, I can’t really read anyone’s mind about why they like the AU, but I can talk a bit about my own thoughts and feelings, if that’s helpful. Firstly, yes, I try to make it absolutely clear that this is a terrible dynamic, and that Ford is being abused. The intention was to take their existing dynamic and turn it up to eleven by removing Ford’s capacity to resist Bill, and seeing what would happen after thirty years of that. That’s especially inspired by the torture scene in The Book of Bill. I pretty much write Bill how I see him in that book; hilarious, possessive and truly sadistic. The level of toxicity that breeds is why I explicitly DON’T write this AU as any sort of romance.
Something that I enjoy about this AU is the combination of emotional catharsis and extreme contrast; things I both really enjoy. It’s kind of why I fluctuate between content for it that is cute/funny in a way, and stuff that is depressing or otherwise wildly messed up. I love that sort of contrast, and I think other people might, too? It’s that sort of hurt/comfort fanfiction trope, where a character goes through something horrible, and it breeds this crazy intense love/empathy response in the reader. Here, I’m taking that and mixing it with humor to create a sort of black comedy/intense empathy… thing?
The idea for the AU originally came from a comic I made about the feral Ford AU, which I also really like. I wrote a story in that scenario, and felt very personally close to how I was writing Ford; again, the name of the game is emotional catharsis. Like I am in this AU, I was writing Ford as an exaggeration, only then it was directly based on experiences and feelings I’ve had myself. This is basically an extension of that.
This is sounding a bit too much like an artist’s statement for a silly AU, but I wanted to be clear with my feelings and intentions, ESPECIALLY since I’m writing something so wildly toxic. I’m the kind of person who has always found comfort in fictional tragedy. My playlist is almost exclusively songs with depressing themes/lyrics, and listening to them has helped me get through some tough emotional times. I don’t believe anything I create for this AU would be even 1% acceptable in real life. I’m actually the kind of person who can’t stand to make the “wrong” choice in a video game, in case the characters seem disappointed in me. But I think the veil of fiction, and the emotional distance of the third person, creates the ability for a powerful feeling of catharsis. That’s my intention!
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“I think I have to climb to the top of the hill if I wanna see what's going on on the other side...”
Drew this through tears as an acceptance that Ojima will be the killer of this chapter and that he’ll die and I’ll never see him again.
Vent/rant under cut
——— I’m actually crying right now while writing this. I can’t see any other possibility where Ojima isn’t the killer. Just everything story wise and plot and symbolic wise makes sense. He’s already the prime suspect with his shaky alibi, him going to the medbay at midnight, the blood on Hiroaki’s bed where he slept for the night, his strange disassociating more than usual.
At this point there’s so much evidence pointing towards Ojima being the one who killed Chiba I’m already grieving his inevitable death this trial. Just, even with the parallels between him and Chiba with the story time episode where he wrote a children’s book with her, hence the text in the art referencing that. And how that one time he talked during his dissociative haze he said the exact words that Chiba said to him while writing the book. I can only think of this as Ojima in shock with how he killed her. There’s also their parallels as well with both having sorts of age regression and coping by living through a childish fantasy lens. It’d be so sad thinking how that could be symbolic of Ojima killing a perception of himself. And with Ojima being a children’s book illustrator who had his childhood taken away from him and Chiba looking like a child and having a similar form of regression I can’t imagine how tragic this story would play out through with the trial.
I really thought Ojima would have more time as I felt it’d be inevitable we’d get a breakdown scene with his PTSD and learning more about that story, but with how things are going I could imagine that happening during the trial. God I don’t even wanna imagine how his execution would be if it goes the route on playing up his trauma, these killing game staff are sadists and I could completely imagine them doing that, especially with the mention of working on the execution in the staffside.
I’m also in absolute tears over his relationship with Hiroaki. Just… purple is so devastating with the likely idea that Ojima is the killer, and even imagining if he already killed at that time. Them sharing an intimate moment and Hiroaki confessing how he’s so reliant and attached to him and how they’re basically codependent, and as well with how he’s almost finished the drawing for Ojima. When he’s the killer he’ll never be able to show it to him and he’ll have absolutely no one by his side anymore who cares about him or even loves him. It would be the most heartbreaking thing ever.
Ojima is such an incredibly amazing character like I’ve never seen before I can’t prepare for him to be the chapter 2 killer… he would’ve gone too early and I’m such despair. I’ll never be able to see him again in the series, he’ll never speak again I’ll never be able to get exited whenever an episode pops up in a thumbnail he’ll never dissociate again he’ll never be funny and sassy again he’ll never help Hiroaki to open up again he’ll never have a hilariously gay moment with Hiroaki again. He’s lived 16 years of his life going through the worst abuse a human could face, only for when he escapes to be dragged into a killing game and forced to commit a murder of someone who shares so much similarities with him. I’m already feeling the effects of his death a week before it happens and I’d rather fall into despair than yearn for hope only to have it taken away from me. I can’t imagine how I’ll be able to watch tetro with Ojima gone forever. I have been crying the entire day over this and my tears are making this hard to write.
#Tetro danganronpa pink#tetro danganronpa#tetro pink#tetro danganronpa pink spoilers#tetro danganronpa spoilers#fanganronpa#ojima takeshi#tw pink blood#how in only a span of a couple months can I love a character as much as Ojima#It was his birthday just a few days ago he shouldn’t be repaid with the likelyhood of killing someone then being executed#The trial hasn’t even started yet I’m grieving so hard#I know I shouldn’t be this upset over a fictional character#Last time this happened was two years ago#but at least if anything this shows the testament to how absolutely amazing of a story tetro danganronpa pink is#And how much I want to repay my love to the series and the characters
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Fanfiction Taught Me 90% of What I Know About Writing
That’s the gods honest truth. And I’m saying that as someone who has a literal college degree in writing.
I took SO MANY writing classes in college. All genres. Creative. Playwriting. Screenwriting. Editorial. Journalistic. Business. Technical. I’ve been writing since I could hold a pencil correctly, and really started to pursue it in 2nd grade when every teacher following gushed about my writing skills. I can confidently say I’ve been honing my craft for over two decades.
However, I didn’t really git gud at writing until I started really writing fanfiction. Like, joining a fandom and actively writing an ongoing fic for it.
Again, I’d taken years upon years of writing classes. I learned story structure, grammar, theming, POVs, tone, etc. all throughout school. I learned how to receive feedback and edit my work a little more down the road. I learned from professionals in the field. I worked with mentors.
However, none of that helped my skyrocket my skills like writing fanfiction did.
Fanfiction taught me how to actually write deep, nuanced, and compelling characters. I never once filled out a 200-question character sheet for any character I wrote on some silly school assignment. I never knew how to really know my characters until I was writing OCs for a fandom.
Fanfiction taught me the value of being concise. My schooling had drilled the concept of long, purple prose into me over time and in writing for a fandom for a children’s game, I unlearned that real quick.
Fanfiction really taught me the concept of “show, don’t tell.” I never really knew what a penchant I had for info dumping until somebody pointed out to me most of my headcanon’d lore drops happened in exposition and not in action.
Fanfiction taught me how to worldbuild. Eating the canon of my preferred fandom gave me a lot of time to strengthen my chops while I came up with my own answers to canon lore I hated.
Fanfiction taught me consistency. In school, I mostly wrote short stories. I hadn’t really bitten off a longer project until I started writing a longfic, and in doing so, I learned how to keep my characters, plot, and world consistent for a prolonged period of chapters.
Fanfiction gave me a close-knit community to consistently bounce my ideas off of, and give me feedback that actually served me in terms of bettering my skills and the story I was writing. Not just for the sake of meeting the measures of a grade or rubric given by a teacher.
I could go on and on, but tl;dr, I owe my current skillset and understanding of writing to writing fic. I wouldn’t be at the level I am without it. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be writing my current WIP without it.
So, to anyone who might have told you that fanfic is a waste of time, they are just objectively wrong. And if you’re reading this thinking for yourself that fanfic is a waste of time, well, you’re stupid and also objectively wrong :>
Fanfiction is valuable. Don’t underestimate it.
#morally superior writing#writer#writers#writers on tumblr#writing#creative writing#writeblr#writers and poets#writerscommunity#on writing#writing community#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3#ao3 fanfic#ao3fic#ao3 author#ffn#ffnet#ffn.net#fanfiction.net#archive of our own#fanfiction writer#fanfic writer#writing advice#writing life#fiction writing#writing rambles#writing ramblings
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Fic writer interview thank you for the tag @481boxboxbaby and @souvenir116
Tagging @saviour-of-lord and @ilyarozanove (not sure if you have been tagged already and no pressure if you don't like tag games!) and anyone else who wants to do this feel free to use this as your invite.
How many works do you have on AO3? 155 - Wow okay I don’t know how I ended up writing so many.
What's your total AO3 word count? 1,076,320
What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Preloved 2. Good Boy 3. A million times over 4. Weak 5. My Pretty Princess
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to respond to comments and I have gotten a lot better at it. If I have ever not responded it's because I have left it too late and then panic over whether it's still appropriate to respond!! I read all comments though, it’s the biggest motivator so thank you to everyone who leaves comments on fics, I appreciate you all <3
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Either ‘One last night’ or ‘Hitching a ride’ Both are open ended though.
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?There are a lot that have happy endings but off the top of my head I will go with ‘A million times over’. It’s just an overall short cute one-shot.
Do you write crossovers? No
Have you ever received hate on a fic? If I have then I have forgotten about it because I can’t recall any hate coming in. I am sure there are plenty of people who hate my stories though, I’ve just been lucky they haven’t told me about it!
Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes I do and lots of it. Almost any kind. Dom/sub, pain play, tentacles, omegaverse, lots of kinks, nice soft sex, loss of virginity. I would definitely say varied!
Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not stolen but hmmm I have seen something very close to what I have written.
Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not that I have seen anyway. I have had people ask before but I am not sure if they ever actually translated them.
Have you ever co-written a fic before? No but I have spoken about it with @481boxboxbaby unfortunately I am disastrously disorganised so I don’t know if I should really inflict that on other people 😂 I do think it would be fun to have a fic with a set up and then multiple authors taking a chapter each to write the scenario from various drivers points of view. That would take a lot of organising though.
What's your all-time favorite ship? Lestappen
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?There are so many of them, I have a folder full of random wips that will likely never be finished. At the moment I am fighting my way to try and finish a cowboy Max au one shot, I have started it and deleted it soooo many times, I will finish it though, it’s just not clicking right now!
What are your writing strengths? I guess maybe just having a certain level of creativity when it comes to coming up with ideas. That can also be my downfall because there are too many ideas pinging around for me to concentrate on one!
What are your writing weaknesses? I always say that my writing style is more about a general vibe rather than it being grammatically correct 😬
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I’ve personally never done it. I’d have to use google translate and I wouldn’t trust that it would read properly.
What was the first fandom you wrote for? F1
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?Charles/Oscar or Max/Rico Verhoeven. I will get around to writing them eventually
What's your favorite fic you've written? It’s probably recency bias but the fic I am writing and posting right now “Preloved” is probably my favourite. I think it's also super encouraging when people are commenting and enjoying the story so it has made the whole thing more enjoyable. I will definitely be writing some more multi chaptered fics going forward. Of the one shots maybe The Sweetest Deal because it plays into my love of babygirl Max.
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I am not dead and I have a DPxDC idea to share with you all!
So Ghost King!Danny died died-for reasons I have yet to come up with-and gets reincarnated as one of the BatFamily members. Revolutionary idea I know. But, there’s a catch. It’s not Dick, Jason, Tim, any of the Robins actually, but Danny get’s reincarnated as Cassandra Cain-Wayne. Why did I come up with this you may ask? Because I like Cass. That’s it that is the main reason.
Anyways, Cass doesn’t know or have any awareness of her previous life before being revived by the Lazarus Pit by Lady Shiva. Not even any muscle memories. Which is a good thing since Danny’s muscle memories in fights is a bit like punch kick punch some kind of power punch punch. So a bit after Cass is out of the Pit, the next time she tries to fight crime she is not as good as she used to be, as she’s trying to use her fighting techniques and skills but her brain is telling her to button mash her way through it.
After that Cass tries to train her way back into being a better fighter, with everyone thinking that being killed and immediately being revived the Pit probably just messed with her system in some way.
Cass starts to see some ghosts, mainly animals and shades but Cass mostly brushes it off, and she decides that she can probably use this newfound skill to her advantage when at a crime scene. Cass gets psychically stronger as well, more agile, and she starts to pull pack her punches even more than before so she doesn’t injure anyone too much.
Then someone notices a single, shiny, white hair sticking up from Cass’s roots. But that wasn’t the weird part. It looks like a curved lightning bolt in a way, looking unnatural. Batman finds this a bit odd, and decides it’s best to be safe rather than sorry and brings Cass to all the magic users he can summon to the Watchtower.
Other heroes who wanted to see what was going on were also there, but it’s ultimately Deadman, who managed to tag along to the meeting, who recognized what’s going on. The moment the Batfam entered and Deadman made direct eye contact with Cass, he frantically shouted, “T-THE GHOST KING??? THAT’S who the GHOST KING decided to reincarnated as????”
Needless to say that everyone who heard him was freaking out. That included Cass. All the magic users are like, “Deadman, are you sure?” or “This is bad, what do we do, oh fuck” And Deadman just nods, saying “I mean, I’ve heard from other ghosts that the Ghost King had returned in mortal form, so I kinda just assumed it’s her. She’s definitely ghost some powerful ghost molecules in her tho” Everyone calms down a bit after that, but Cass having some “ghost molecules” in her is concerning.
So now the main quest is figuring out who exactly this Ghost King was, which is the easiest part, and figuring out what happened to him, much harder. All while Cass has an internal and external crisis that she can’t communicate effectively about with bonus powers to worry about. And probably some old ghosts from DP going after her to claim the ghostly throne. Because whether or not they know for 100% sure that she’s the reincarnation of the Ghost King, she’s the most likely candidate.
#danny phantom#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc#dpxdc#reincarnated au#in the drafts no more!#jan 5th 2023#I was brought back from the dead that day and then immediately died#also I don’t really like how I wrote this but the IDEA is what I love so I’m sharing it
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i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?
#mine#taz balance#taz lup#lup#like idk i think lup’s down to kick necromancer ass but when it comes to being like. WARDENS of a PRISON. would that not be uncomfortable??#but like taking the job is the only way to avoid HER being thrown in prison??#idk the raven queen being a cool & chill goddess boss is definitely fun but when you actually think abt it#i don’t think i’d agree with her. i think if i lived in that world i’d think she were sort of evil#which like also to get into the hunger vs authority its not very explored because its not at all the point#the hunger is meant to be nihilism and despair and dissatisfaction its at its core an emotional story about joy & love#but like john starts out rebelling against laws. laws of the universe; except that it turns out a being wrote those laws (jeffandrew)#so the hunger is also sort of a force of rebelling against unjust constraints in the pursuit of freedom?#and the heroes end up preserving the status quo and saying you just have to find joy within those unjust limitations#which again. like. the point is that life is unfair and you can find joy and meaning despite it. which is true to real life.#i’m not saying the hunger was right or that despair is the only way or w/e like#yk like taz balance is not a story about society its more about. philosophy i guess#the point is that life’s really hard and you find meaning anyway and that’s preferable to despair and death#thematically for the audience we understand these are standins for ways of viewing reality#and in the real world reality is what it is. its just the world. there’s no authority that writes the laws of nature#like its not a ‘man vs authority’ story its a ‘man vs nature’ story#but IN UNIVERSE nature IS an authority. jeffandrew and the gods. regardless of how much joy you can find in an unjust world#if i lived in it i’d want to make it more just! but anyway like yeah barry & lup working for the raven queen#is kinda an extension on that idea of preserving the status quo#although i guess you could say gods are just forces of nature. theyre not PEOPLE theyre just personifications of existent natural laws#and it ties in w istus and fate as well#although fate is like a comforting guiding force rather than restricting & horrifying#^ pay no attention to any of this i don’t think it really means anything i’m just like. writing thoughts as i have them#not like a hard stance i’m taking just exploring some ideas#any ways#THERES A TAG LIMIT??
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The littlest things give Dove euphoria
#i wrote out the word lipstick bc I was like oh this makes sense then I doodled it#and was like…will people understand that. do they know that’s what I mean#&:):&:():?#anyways this idea wouldn’t leave my head and now I can rest#brain was like don’t forget it you gotta do it right meow#fav art of dove is from 2011 and no one was calling her dove then so I had a hard time finding my reference 😭#saved it this time I won’t make that mistake again#even now I’m like…do people use dove for her??? how should I tag this?????#also using my hand holding a bottle of lotion as reference that’s why it’s kinda wonky#I’ve talked too much in these tags but damn I hate my handwriting lmfao#also hc that dove paints her nails red too she really accessorizes with it#and yes the red isn’t doves actual color in hs it’s just TOO BRIGHT#dove strider#fem dave strider#homestuck#homestuck fanart#my art#o art
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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for the writer ask
💭🚦💛 💌
💭 What inspires you and your writing?
this is a real marketing major-ass answer (from your local marketing major), but i love sharing knowledge and telling stories. writing’s one of those things that’s a bit of a compulsion for me—i’m always writing something. i took a five-year break from fiction writing before i stumbled ass-first into fanfic last year, but even in those years when i was focusing on my career, i was writing guides and trainings and a ton of other stuff—just not anything fun, lol.
writing is also so cathartic. sometimes i set out to tell a specific story, but at other times, a particular emotion gets me in a vice grip and i have to put it to words before it’ll go away. my stories tend to wind up as emotional dumping grounds as a result.
i don’t write things pulled directly from my own life, but there are bits and pieces of myself and things that have happened to me scattered throughout stuff i’ve written, and usually when i’m about 75% of the way through a piece, i’ll realize it’s absolutely related to something i’m currently going through. funny how art works that way, even when you don’t intend for it to.
and occasionally i just have a fire lit under my ass about an issue and i get so hot about it that i gotta compile my thoughts. looking at you, silver snow
🚦 What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?
look, i would love nothing more for them girls (pick whichever girls you please) to have a happy ending where they kiss and are stupid in love for the rest of forever. i love reading those kinds of stories. but in my heart of hearts, i love an ambiguous ending. i like when there are still questions after the story ends. i like thinking about where things could go or how the characters will go on after the events of the story. like, shared space could be read as having a happy ending, but i don’t really think it is. and with the victors; the vestiges, well. you’ll see :0)
come to think of it, i’m not sure i’ve ever written a happily-ever-after, but i don’t think i’ve ever written a 100% bad ending, either. i read too many bury-your-gays stories and watched too many sad european queer coming-of-age films in my youth to ever be happy putting that kinda thing out into the world. i want to write about love with all its ugliness, but not despair or hopelessness. i think what most appeals to me about an ambiguous ending is that lingering feeling of hope. it’s not the same as the kind you get from a happily-ever-after, and something about it speaks to me.
💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?
honestly? how to take criticism. i took a creative writing class in high school where we had to read our work out loud and then receive feedback on it from the other writers in the class, and that did a lot for me. going into that class, i’d already been writing for forever and had won some little local writing contests and such, so i was a wee bit of a pretentious douche. but i’d never gotten real critique before beyond, essentially, spelling and grammar checks. it humbled me lol. it made me grow so much as a writer, and i could see where i needed to improve or where my head was wedged way too far up my own ass for others to follow. it also helped me recognize strengths i didn’t know i had, and that was huge. it’s easy to get into a self-doubt spiral when making creative work, and good, constructive criticism can do so much to help avoid that.
to this day i love critique. i like knowing what worked or didn’t work so that i can continue to improve as a writer and do better next time. did my themes land? did something really work, but another part fall flat? i’d love to know!! i try to treat everything i write as practice for the next thing, and frankly that’s helped take some of the pressure off so i don’t go into total Perfectionist Mode.
i know critique is kind of a sensitive topic in fan spaces, but i think that’s because a lot of people have gotten unsolicited criticism that is purely critical and isn’t constructive. but getting good, constructive criticism will do so much to help a person grow as a writer. it’s scary, and sometimes it hurts! writing is very personal for most people, and it stings when things aren’t received the way you think they will be. but i know i’ve grown more from having my failures pointed out (and, very importantly, having the good things about those efforts acknowledged) than anything else.
💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?
actually Just answered this in another ask!
#sterge.eml#foxyjeongin#thank you for playing my little game and letting me talk about stories (and about me lmao)#sorry this is kind of a long post#i talk too much#i think i sound pretentious in this ask whoops. sorry#unfortunately i kind of am. i’m working on it.#… i guess the short answer to that first question is ‘emotions and mental illness’ lol#if you follow me on twitter (not recommended as it’s just me complaining about the weather and not being able to ride my motorcycle)#you know that every time i bring up my writing in therapy my therapist rocks my shit by revealing the story is#in fact.#NOT about what i thought it was about#or more accurately it’s ALSO secretly about whatever’s going on with me in real life lmao#y’know what’s really fun? looking back at something you wrote in a manic or depressive episode and going ah. hm. interesting.#the signs were. in fact. there.#(this is in fact not fun and i don’t like it. but it always happens.)#everything i write is accidentally Also about being bipolar. no getting around that#i tend to have issues organizing my thoughts and feelings to even figure out how tf i’m feeling#(forget making any attempt at doing so verbally. i have chronic foot-in-mouth disorder and accidentally say shit i don’t mean all the time)#but writing stuff down has always helped me sort through whatever mess is going on in my noggin and i love it for that#learning how to take critique is my no. 1 piece of writing advice but no. 2 is to read#read the classics. find out why they’re classics. read weird shit. read shit you don’t like. find things you like about em anyway.#and importantly: figure out WHY you do or don’t like it#it’s funny to re-read a book i haven’t read in a long time and discover OH. that’s where i get that technique from.#or that’s where i got that idea. or that’s why i had X thing happen in this story.#or why i like this type of character or scenario#nothing’s truly new and original#we’re all an amalgamation of influences and that ruuuuules#celebrate it!!!
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Does DuNaught have a role in the Wizards AU yet? If she doesn’t, I suggest making her the Caretaker
She doesn’t! I actually made wizard au WAY back when hitball was airing, and since we didn’t know much about the VP or principal then they got pretty much left out of the au as a whole.
i’m liking the Caretaker role assignment though. it seems to fit her character well, wandering around the school and haggling students. its so cool you guys are thinking about this stuff i LOVE hearing headcanons about my au. send me everything i wanna hear it
#asks#anon#paranatural#pnat hogwarts#wizard au#ive gotten questions like ‘how does the wizard au fit in with the angel/spenders shadow/the thing sleeping under mayview/BERG’ and well#the answer to that is i have no idea. on account of the fact that i have barely any idea what they are in pnat canon#and on account of that any writing i do for them will likely eventually be completely different from the source material#and honestly i don’t really care imo that allows for some more creative freedom which i actually really like#BUT it also means that like. paige gage and youth culture arent vampires#they’re the jangs older siblings with completely different names and personalities#because i wrote them years before chapter 6 even started#so sometimes wizard au is an au because well. they are wizards. and sometimes wizard au is an au because so much of present canon just did n#ot exist and i wrote what i had headcanons for#so yknow tomato tomato
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if someone asks me questions about myself and my childhood does that mean they have a crush on me
#🧃#I was thinking about my crush and how that one time we talked about our childhood and spilled a little bit of low-key trauma I guess#I’m just thinking I don’t usually share stuff with people that easily and while I did with him I think I felt comfortable#but you know most people don’t ask me about that stuff is what I just realize right now so maybe…?#I honestly have no idea how to flag if someone’s attracted to me or not it’s a problem#once I was hanging out with her friend and they said that my energy is a type of energy that attracted to#They said they’re not attracted to me. They’re just saying that they’re attracted to that energy?#regardless I would have never even flagged that they would feel that way about me at all#and a closer friend from before said they also thought about kissing me…#Well that one I actually did flag because they straight up asked me one time but if they hadn’t asked me I would’ve never guessed#I wanted to kiss them too at first but then we became friends and the crush faded#We never did kiss but you know maybe someday in the future#I have a more fun crush now hehe he is pretty…..#he prolly don’t wanna kiss me tho cuz he’s 10 years older than me#I won’t hold it against him.. but imma keep liking him tho#Random topic change but I noticed I use repetition a lot when I speak#And I wrote a paper last semester about repetition and Caribbean creole languages and how it would be repressed#bc the whites thought their speech was inferior#I wrote about Mary Prince and one section was about her white editor#he would change her speech to make her more palatable to the white abolitionist audience#btw learned a lot about Palestinian political and government groups today#The problem is I always have crushes on unattainable people so then I never pursue it because it’s not really an option#The other crush I had was on my teacher for example and he’s 12 years older than me#I’m not sure how I feel about the age thing still#It just depends because the teacher is only two years older than the guy I like#But when I talk to him I feel more comfortable and like I’m talking to someone close to me#versus my teacher feels like I’m talking to a much older person#Don’t get me wrong the guy like knows a lot and he definitely exudes older energy#But I like he treats me as an equal. I guess he doesn’t treat me like I’m less because I’m younger.#omg almost forgot he signed my cast last week and I rested my arm on his thigh shsjsksjs
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Anyone else following Never Let Me Go by lotus451 cause I am amazed. I’ve always said reading CoAi fics in Chinese hits different but man this one is just… I don’t even have words. I should really leave a comment at this point, but I’m afraid it’s going to end badly and I don’t deal with that well. Plus there are certain things that I just don’t enjoy reading, like I get why it has to be there but I’m not fond of it (basically any mention of the canon ship being a thing is an automatic no for me. I could care less. If they’re going to break up then I need to see it happen already, I don’t want to see them be cute together. Literally nothing makes me nope out quicker. Except for maybe first person pov in English. I’m really not fond of reading that in fics. I’ve been so spoiled in my main fandom that my standards are too high) But this author has written fics I’ve really enjoyed so I’m still continuing to silently read. Again bad habit I know, cause it’s fun to comment on every chapter and cheer the author on, but man I can’t. I’m already too invested as is, if I leave my long comments every chapter and it ends badly? I’m going to lose my shit and maybe swear off fics forever. I can’t deal with it. I hate bad endings, they hold no value to me and will never make me think oh yes this is how it’s done. The fics that stay with me and I think of as masterpieces are the ones that give my ship the happily ever they deserve. Few exceptions cause I do have favorite authors I would read just about anything for, but there’s currently not one for this fandom that is active. My favorite fics will always be the ones that end happily even if they’ve been through some bullshit. But again I read fics for comfort and for stuff that canon won’t give me. If I wanted to be sad and angry then I would just follow canon cause that’s a bunch of bullshit at this point. Just end the series. Stop dragging it on and making everyone suffer.
Anyways, still all about self indulgent writing and the author being the one to make their choices for their story. I just don’t have to like it and that’s fine as long as I’m not being an ass and commenting unsolicited thoughts to them. People who do that suck and for real need to get a new hobby. It’s not hard to just shut up and press the x to close the tap. Go rant about it with your friends or ramble like I do on my blog that no one reads. But don’t be an asshole to the author. Just don’t.
#cynply rambling#I really do enjoy seeing more fics pop up in our tag#I don’t always vibe with them but hey it’s just not meant for me and that’s totally fine!#they do make me think about how I would make the verse though#most of the time it’s I wouldn’t cause I don’t like those things#but sometimes I’m like oh but what if it went this way? to something I prefer#I’ve been thinking about more risqué fic ideas lately but I think it’s cause the fake dating one is dicey#and also the rated ones are hit or miss with me#like yes I’m happy to see it cause we need more smut for this ship cause they’re definitely sexually compatible#I say this as a person who identifies as ace#but also because I’m ace I’m like um yeah no. that’s too much for me#and I know I shouldn’t be saying shit cause I’m guilty of this too but man the ooc annoys the fuck out of me#but again I’m forever a hater and refuse to believe he’s cool#canon tries to sell me on that too much and I’m just rolling my eyes and saying next#and on that note it’s time to sleep and continue planning my stories in my mind that I won’t write#if I wrote down every fic I play out in my head I would have thousands of fics posted#cause I go through a new verse every few days sometimes weeks if it’s a longer idea with sequels and such
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I think the third ch of my kalisil/jamiazu story is gonna be longer than the other chapters and that’s not necessarily for good reason lol 😭☠️🚶
#I FEAR it’s kinda just all over the place / me panicking and adding too much excess#while I try to get these bitches back on track ldjcjcnfifhvfjdjdnfndnvng#but. hdhfcjjg it’s ok it’s fine it’s fine I’m trying and it’s. experimental#I made that disclaimer at the start for this very reason lol#that I don’t really know what I’m DOING with multi chapters and I might catch on fire#like I do have a general outline of how I want the story to go yknow but#writing it out + having ideas that slightly shift it around … hell….#I also fear still that the kalisil isn’t gonna be done much justice#just bc I k ow jamiazu so much more like I’ve written so many fics for them#and drawn them a billion times#over the past 3+ years lolol#but that’s ok …. I am challenging myself….. I wrote more last night#and I’m trying to finish that heartslabyul friendship fic I started on valentines lol#I had the strong energy for it when I started but I didn’t get it all out fast enough#now I’m faltering and afraid LOL but it’s almost done… it’s SUPPOSED to be short and simple I just don’t know how to end it 😖😑#but what else is new !!!! 🧍I guess this is the one area I do have the pressure#cuz ppl don’t really like my doodles much I think so I just have my own demons about that#but sometimes people like my fics. so like what if I write and it is bad. and then I explode 🤨#ok sorry that’s been fighting demonds with cereal this morning while we w8 for stuff at work bye 🚶
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.
#me.txt#just realized I am unironically that ‘could a depressed person have made this???’ meme#except instead of whatever it is in the episode#it’s 50k of the most boring and plain fiction ever written#spread over like 15 projects bc it was the only way to avoid the physically painful waves of shame and loathing over my ideas#this is something I should discuss in therapy but idek what I’m on about#so I really don’t know how I could. explain it?#things to tackle then:#1. my inability to estimate mood#and for that I need to fill in her journal thing but like#I can identify good or bad things but it doesn’t translate into a mood#I know there are days that are supposed to be good but? they didn’t really feel different#2. the certainty that I’m fine actually? I’m fine. look I wrote 50k and also I went to work every day#also I haven’t been crying as much#so clearly it was hormonal and I’m fine. as mom said.#I just have to find a job I like and then I’ll be fixed and it’s on me for not doing that earlier#maybe also do sports and it’ll be fine. i just don’t bc I’m too lazy and so I feel bad in direct correlation or punishment#3. that anxiety scenario thing has been plaguing me for two weeks#the concept of having to write it and then read it out loud and then record it and then listen to it? nope. cant. the shame is like. lethal#4. but it ties into 2; looked for a psychiatrist and didn’t find one#but also feeling very silly about the whole thing? i don’t need meds. I’m fine. i wrote 50k this month. i even enjoyed things#like that movie and being able to focus on a character#that’s a sign I’m fine. it’s proof I’m fine and that I’m not focusing on work or doing the other important tasks#only out of laziness and bc I’m a bad and selfish person who’s going to get what’s coming to her#…..yeah. i don’t want to go.#but I also wanted to disappear very very very badly when I woke up this morning so probably I should eh#other vague threads: the job from a distance and the life I should have#and the devaluing of nano while it also being the proof I’m fine
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heyyyy ryyyyy <333
since ur requests are open i thought id go ahead and ask if you're mayhaps open to anything for batmom? i don't have a completely solid idea but maybe smn like batmom has been getting threats or maybe hate or smn from somebody and everyone's reactions and how they get hella protective?
obv no pressure and you definitely do not have to write this
hope you have a great day bb
Heyyyyy, so this grew hands and wrote itself, I hope you enjoy it. It did end up with a lot of backstory.
Earned Position
5.3k words
You knew this would happen. Once your relationship with Bruce got out there would be an influx of love and hate. You also knew that everyone else knew that as well. It was common knowledge than anyone around a celebrity of sorts would experience that.
Of course you did the normal things, turned off most notifications and only looked through areas online you knew would mostly be safe. You blocked tags and and only followed people you knew or ones who didn’t post about drama.
When you did stumble onto hate, you moved on. If someone kept sending you nasty messages you blocked them, when they made other accounts to keep sending the same things, you changed your settings so only those you followed could message you.
It wasn’t something you wanted to deal with but it was something you could handle. Something you started mentally preparing yourself for when Bruce’s attention on you lasted more than 4 dates, even more so when you caught yourself daydreaming about him.
You were not going to let random bitter people on the internet destroy your happiness like they did their own. Your family however, wanted to destroy what was left of your haters' happiness. Something you were trying to curb, but trying to tell a family of vigilantes who considered you the best mom in existence not to destroy your haters was like talking to a brick wall. Over the years, you had gotten used to it. It barely even registered anymore. But there had been a recent influx of the hate and while it didn’t bother you, it bothered the rest of your family. None of them could stand people talking bad about their mom.
While you hadn’t been there while the older ones were young, the second you had introduced yourself to them, you had taken a very important role in their lives. None of them realizing it at first. All of them had gotten used to the random women Bruce brought home that it took a little while for them to realize how important you were.
Dick wasn’t sure at first. Thinking you were just another girlfriend that wouldn’t last long. So he didn’t really interact with you much. Ignoring your existence when it wasn’t too rude, or at least obviously rude. Until one night when he was staying at the manor and had a nightmare about his parents death.
Bruce had an open bed policy. As long as there was still room for him, his bed was open. A policy he had started when Dick had gotten old enough he was worried he wouldn’t be allowed to go when he had a nightmare. Bruce had always reminded all his kids, that nightmares don’t go away just because you’re older and that needing comfort wasn’t something they would outgrow.
The thing was, you were there. Girlfriends didn’t mind when children did it but they never liked it when his adult kids did it. The shaking in his hands and the way he saw them fall in the darkness of every blink told him the only way he was getting any sleep was with someone.
Hopefully he could just slip into Bruce’s side and leave before you woke up. That was the plan until he found Damian on Bruce’s side and you had been pulled closer to Bruce taking up what was left. You moved a little and Dick took that as his sign to deal with it himself until he heard you whisper his name. He hummed so you knew it was him and not some random stranger standing over Bruce’s side of the bed.
“Nightmare?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” You lifted the blanket next to you, “Bruce told me you guys come here when you have nightmares. There's plenty of room over here for you.” Dick hesitated for a second before giving in. He needed sleep anyway. You weren’t when you said there was plenty of room, Dick had most of your half of the bed. Once he had settled on his side, facing away from you, he felt you pull the blanket over his shoulders.
“Night Dick, sleep well.” For some reason, that was what did it. Once the tears started they didn’t stop. Silent sobs made him shudder and he felt one of your hands gently rubbing his back. “Oh Dick.” There was no pity in your tone and he found himself rolling over and curling into you. Your chin resting on his head while you rubbed his back.
The next day, he followed you around like a puppy. Your side of the bed became his favorite when he had nightmares and it wasn’t long before he turned to you for general comfort over anything.
Jason met you at his grave. Neither of you exchanged words, but he caught something in your gaze he didn’t quite understand. He also wasn’t sure why you were at his grave either, he didn’t know you when he was younger.
When he saw the Gotham News post about Bruce and Your 2nd anniversary, it brought more questions than answers. Why were you at his grave alone? Let alone longer than a few seconds. It was an odd way to gain more of Bruce’s affections.
Every Tuesday you would be there, leaving flowers and talking softly to the stone. Every time you left, you would smile and nod, the look in your eyes he couldn’t figure out was still there. Every time he would strain to heat what you were saying and only be able yo a few words here and there.
6 months into it, the routine changed. You brought a blanket and Basket with your usual flowers. You did what you normally did with the flowers but instead of talking to the stone you waved him over. When he didn’t move, you stopped what you were doing and looked at him.
“Jason Todd, I have been keeping your secret for 6 months. Helping me spread this blanket and having lunch won’t change it.” He stared at you while you waited expectantly. Eventually when he could get himself to move, he came over and helped. He sat down where you motioned for him too, all while trying to figure out how you knew.
“Bruce mentioned this used to be your favorite when you were younger so I asked Alfred to teach me how to make it. I hope it's up to your standards.” He looked at the plate of food you handed him. It was almost overflowing with food, all of which reminded him of the good times back at the manor before he died. “Alfred also sent your favorite cookies when he heard I would be eating at your grave.” The bag of cookies was placed next to the basket, within easy reach.
“Why?” Was all Jason managed to choke out around the lump in his throat.
“I decided early on in life, no matter who I was with, I would love their family as my own. My grandfather hated my grandmothers side and it caused a lot of pain in all the generations. I decided I would never do that to another family.” Jason found himself back in control enough to start eating.
“So when I started dating Bruce and he told me about you, I decided to treat you like you were my own. Even though I had never met you and you were dead. Most of what that meant was keeping your grave clean and always making sure there were fresh flowers. While I did that, I would tell you everything that was going on.”
“How did you know it was me?”
“Your eyes, they may be a different color but they looked too similar. So I did a little digging and found pictures of your biological pictures to place the face shape it matched. I think however you look more like Bruce then either of them.”
“Are you going to tell them?”
“As much as I would love to. It’s your choice. You’ve been keeping this to yourself for a reason. If I can help you get to a place to tell them, I would love to. But I won’t say a word until you're ready. However, I would like to keep having lunch with you.”
A year later, Jason reintroduced himself to the rest of the family a lot calmer than originally planned and was glued to your side anytime he felt overwhelmed that night. Every Tuesday after that, lunch was scheduled.
Tim was nervous when it came to you. He was still living in the manor so he saw you more than the older two. You always seemed nice and respected his privacy but Bruce was always with you so you obviously would.
It was when he wasn’t around that worried Tim. Bruce attracted golddiggers and they were always mean when Bruce wasn’t there. When you were given a copy of the key, Time braced himself.
Of course he knew that if he told Bruce anything that happened like that, Bruce would break it off. He had always told them that they came first. But he also knew that Bruce liked you a lot. All the other ones Bruce liked a lot that turned out to be horrible, he broked it off. Tim had seen how it had made him upset and he really hated doing that to him. Maybe he could deal with it for once.
So when Bruce left for a business trip, Tim was Expecting the worst. What he didn’t expect was for you to knock on his door and ask if you could join him. When he agreed and stepped back so you could come in. He expected you to go to his bed or his desk chair not, the oversized bean bag on the floor.
“I have a question for you but you can’t tell Bruce yet.” Here it comes. “What would a funny way to tell him I know he’s Batman?” Tim wasn’t expecting that one. “I was thinking a lot of batpuns but his paranoia is too bad for that.”
“How did you figure it out?” You walked him through your process and didn’t say anything as he wrote parts of it down. Once you finished explaining the process for Bruce, you explained any way it was modified in figuring out their identities.
“Who do you think I am?”
“Red Robin.” Tim found himself getting excited.
“You know those notes you leave him in his office?” You nodded. “You should leave those in the Batcave.” You considered it but your thinking was interrupted but Tim shouting.
“No! One night when we’re all in the cave, you could bring some snacks!”
“You just want snacks when he’s lecturing you don’t you?”
“Maybe..”
“Alright, but you have to tell the others so they can tell me what snack they want.”
So Tim slowly and carefully went through all his siblings, letting them know you figured it out, Bruce didn’t know, and what the plan is. Every time he relayed a snack to you he’d watch how carefully you’d write it out to make sure you had it correct or look up recipes if you couldn’t find it in stores.
Two weeks later, Tim was the one who sent the signal in the middle of a lecture everyone was receiving and he got a front row seat to see Bruce’s face when you walked in and handed out snacks before giving him a kiss and telling him to be nice and leaving.
Any other worries were left in the dust when you helped him win the nerf war for the best seat in the home theater. He thoroughly enjoyed his spot next to you while Bruce swore revenge from the other side of the room.
Damian treated you politely but that was it. His mother was still alive and he didn’t want another one, one was more than enough. Not only that, but you were weird.
One time when you were over, you found one of his report cards. Immediately you were praising him. He didn’t understand why, he had basically failed one of his classes with an A-. You should be disappointed like his mother would be, not hanging it up on the fridge and telling people not to touch it. Definitely not taking him out for ice cream and calling him so smart. He definitely shouldn’t be feeling any pride when he walked past it, but he still was.
When he was practicing his violin and Messed up, you were supposed to tell him to stop failing, that he should be better. Not smiling at him and telling him he’s making good progress. You should be telling him that he should have memorized that piece in a day. He shouldn’t be feeling any pride when he finally does memorize it, it took him 4 days to learn it.
When he was struggling to learn a language, you were supposed to tell him to work harder. He could do better, after all, he already knew so many. Instead you just smiled and recommended a break to refresh his mind.
When he snapped at you in Arabic, he expected you to be upset since you didn’t know what he said and it was obviously not something nice. Instead you set the rule that if he was going to use Arabic to speak to you when upset, that he had to teach it to you and if what he said wasn’t something you had learned yet, he had to tell you in english. When he told you what it meant, you didn’t even get upset. He definitely shouldn’t be as excited as he was when you actually started learning.
So many more little things piled up, leaving Damian confused. The differences between how you and his mother treated him was so big he didn’t know how to process it, he liked you and all the little things made him happy in a way he hadn’t really felt. But he still loved his mom, When he had enough of it, he asked you to stop. He still wanted to love his mom. Once again, you did something you weren’t supposed to.
“Oh Damian, I’m not trying to replace your mom nor am I trying to make you feel like you can’t love her or she doesn’t love you. Your mom and I show our love in different ways and its ok for you to love or like both of us. You mother loves you and she will always be allowed in your life if thats what you want.” You weren’t supposed to do that, but Damian was really glad you did.
Barbara wasn’t sure how you would react to her. She wasn’t just Bruce’s kid. She had a loving family she went back to every night. Most people weren’t really a fan of that, one of Bruce’s past girlfriends had some strong and hurtful things to say about it.
When you took her for a day out, she found herself warming up to you but still waiting for the other shoe to drop. One of the new places you had planned to go, didn’t have wheelchair access. Like all the other girlfriends who had done this, she expected you to be annoyed that your plans had to change or you would just leave her outside while you shopped.
You didn’t seem to notice her hesitation, just looking at what was next on your list and starting the trip there. When Barbara stared a little longer at a new movie that was in theaters, tickets and snacks were bought and you listed to all the lore she told you about before it started.
While it had been a nice day, Barbara wasn’t convinced. One day was easy to fake. Sure she had lots of fun, but Barbara was used to fakes when it came to Bruce’s girlfriends. Of course she wasn’t complaining about you being nice, she just wasn’t sure how long it would last.
“Did you hear about that boutique?” She looked up from her food to look at her dad. “That new one that you tried to go to with Bruce’s girlfriend? Well there was a report that it didn’t meet the Americans with Disabilities act and the boutique is in trouble. People are speculating they’ll have to close down.”
Later that night, Barbara looked into it. They were in trouble, pretty big trouble from the looks of it. Towards the end of the article she found the name of the person who reported it, she wasn’t sure who she was expecting. Not you for sure but the Name Y/n L/n took her by surprise and filled her chest with feelings she couldn’t describe.
The boutique ended up closing but a new one opened. Once it was open, you were the first to ask her to go. That weird feeling came back when she wheeled herself up the ramp and through the door you held open for her. Later that night, in the privacy of her room. She decided she liked you.
Steph seemed like she liked you, she acted like she liked you, she didn’t really like you. Sure you were nice, Bruce loved you, the others were warming up to you, but she wasn’t sure how to feel about you. So she stuck with not actually liking you but pretending to.
So when she was around you, it was all smiles and jokes. She wasn’t a big fan of it all but she did it because she knew you were important to Bruce and that was enough of a reason for her. She knew Bruce and the others could see through the act but as long as you couldn’t, that was enough.
When Bruce announced he had to leave for a business trip right before she could hand him the parents visit for one of her AP classes, something the new teacher liked doing. She tucked the paper away. When Tim gave her a questioning look, she shook her head and later swore him to silence.
Every time she heard someone mention their parents were going, she felt a pang of jealousy in her chest. Every time Tim mentioned bringing it up to you, she swore him into silence again. It wouldn’t be the first time no one showed up for her. She was however thankful you wouldn’t be at the manor as much so she didn’t have to pretend to like you.
When the day arrived, Steph was not having a good day. School dragged on slowly. Slower than normal. When school finally ended, she had to sit in the classroom and watch everyone else that was in her class leave and the parents of her classmates show up while no one was there or coming for her.
Someone sat in the seat next to her, she expected another family member of one of her classmates. Definitely not you. She couldn’t return your smile, too unsure of how you found out, the fact you actually showed up, and how she felt about you being there. You leaned a little closer so that the others in the room wouldn’t easily overhear.
“I know I’m not your parent and someone you just pretend to like so if you want me to leave I will. But I figured someone was better then no one. Oh, and Tim wanted me to tell you he didn’t spill. Your teacher called the manor because no one had RSVPed for you and I answered it.”
That night, as Steph showed off all her hard work to you, the charade fell. She actually enjoyed her time with you and the boost of pride as you oohed and ahhed over all her projects and listened to her explain all the little details. That night, Steph realized, she didn’t need to keep pretending. She liked you, until she found out you didn’t like her favorite show but a nerf war solved that.
Cass could tell you were different then the other girlfriends, your body language as you interacted with all of them showed it. However that didn’t mean she knew how to interact with you.
She had learned that she was fairly hard for new people to interact with. She also knew she had trouble interacting with people she wasn’t fighting. So it wasn’t a surprise when it started rocky.
What was a surprise, was when you found out she was still having trouble reading and writing, you stepped in to help. Well, that wasn’t the surprising part, a lot of girlfriends did that. The surprising part was the amount of patience you had when it was only the two of you.
When one method didn’t help, you tried another. Never once did you snap at her or call her a name. Everytime you got frustrated you would stop and look at her, say something along the lines of “If I had as much trouble with this as you do, I wouldn’t want to keep trying. You're doing absolutely amazing! I’ll keep looking for other ideas, but for now, lets take a break and get a treat.”
Cass wasn’t sure why that always made her feel better, but it did. Every treat you brought was something you made just for the tutoring sessions and it always reminded her of what Alfred had told her once. “Something made with love for you will always taste better.”
And when a method that made it a little easier to learn was found, Cass found herself smiling along with your cheers. Bad days where she couldn’t seem to make any progress were always met with the same excitement, cheers, patience, and treats that all the others were.
Cass still wasn’t sure of what to think of you exactly, but she knew she liked you and that you cared about her.
So when Tim saw the new rise in hate, a sibling meeting was called. They all went through each site, blood boiling as they saw what people were saying about their new parent. Plans were made, declarations of war were ready, and anger fueled all of them. Bruce could tell something was going on, but he wasn’t sure what it was and as long as it didn’t get out of had, he wasn’t sure if he had the energy to deal with it.
War was declared in an interview by Steph. The lady was asking questions when the topic switched to Bruce, then you. The reporter was clearly trying to subtly find some dirt on you and Steph was not going to stand for it.
“Oh yeah! Y/n! She’s the best!” She put on her best press face. Trying to hide her anger over the hidden intent. She didn’t have to lie or act when talking about you but the change in the lady’s face going to disappointment when she didn’t get anything she wanted was making her look very punchable.
“She’s always showing up for us and making sure we’re doing ok. If Y/n and Bruce were to break up, I think most of us would go with Y/n.” The way the lady kept trying to get anything really got on her nerves and Steph decided she needed to get out of there before she started using the lady’s face for target practice. You wouldn’t like that.
Cass was the first one to resort to violence. They had asked a thinly veiled question, basically asking if you were a golddigger. So she punched him in the nose and leaned down to flip the camera off. She hated interviews already but that made it so much worse. She hoped you wouldn’t be too upset with her punching the guy though.
Jason, surprisingly enough. Did not get violent… physically. He did however curse one out and threaten him when the reporter implied you were forcing them to say nice things. When the reporter kept pressing Jason broke his mic and told him if he ever heard him talking bad about you again, a broken mic would be the last of his worries. Jason knew you would be disappointed but he had held back, he didn’t shoot the guy like he wanted.
Tim threw his coffee at one reporter because he heard them say you were nothing but a regular person who didn’t deserve any attention. He then took over her segment, threatening the company to air it or he would make sure they went bankrupt. Once he finished his threats, anything he said was praising you name. Telling everyone how amazing you were and how much they all loved you.
Barbara made it a point to bring up everything you did for the community when they tried to throw some shade at you in an interview. She had documents to prove it and hacked their systems to add them into the interview so they couldn’t claim it was fake. She also made sure to run over his foot when she left.
Dick punched a reporter when they tried to ask him what you were really like behind closed doors. He told them the truth, that you were just as good, kind, patient, and loving behind closed doors as you were out in public. He didn’t throw a punch until the reporter disregarded that as asked again because she couldn’t be that good. Dick knew a lecture would be coming once you saw, but he would rather sit through a lecture then let anyone tarnish your name.
Damian spent 10 minutes cursing and threatening a reporter in Arabic when they asked him if you had ever hurt him. When he was done, he told them in english, that if he ever got asked that question again, he would impale them. He knew you were going to make him sit down and translate everything and the general response you would give but he didn’t care, no one speaks bad about either of his mothers.
Bruce figured out what was going on after Steph’s interview. He saw the ones where they assaulted or threatened the reporters and made sure his lawyers were on standby to keep the kids out of trouble. After all, he had seen more than they had.
He had watched as you tried to connect with Dick early on, how you worked hard to try and get somewhere. He had woken up before you when Dick had come in that night and heard how you handled it. He had woken up the next morning to find you holding Dick close, like you were trying to protect him from the nightmares. He had seen how you never turned Dick down when he wanted comfort, no matter how serious or silly the matter, and he had heard your excitement when you told him Dick liked you.
Bruce had seen the way you never missed a visit to Jason’s grave, on a visit of his own, he saw how much care you showed the stone marking it as his lost son. While he hadn’t been sure why it was alway the same time on Tuesday, he didn;t mention it. He felt the way you would sob in his arms after each visit, a year after the tradition started, you always said you had promised not to tell and he watched as you kept that promise even if it tore you to pieces. Once the shock and tears wore off for a little bit, he could see the trust that Jason had in you.
He heard the way you questioned if you should have a key to the manor, you didn’t want to make Tim uncomfortable in his own home, or how you questioned if you should visit while he was gone. Not wanting to stress Tim out when there was no reason too. He saw the way you and Tim grinned at each other when you brought snacks down for all the kids he was currently lecturing. He head the excitement in your voice as you told him about the tour Tim had given you of the Batcave and the shared laughter as you and Tim worked together to win the nerf war.
Bruce saw how you worked to give Damian the affection he didn’t think he needed. He felt you crying in his arms upset over the fact Damian thought you would be angry because he made a mistake or struggled in a class. He heard you practicing your Arabic as you got ready for bed and he watched as you stress paced over whether or not you said the right thing to him about his mother.
He saw how angry you had been when you came back from your day out with Barbara. He had heard your call with your lawyer as you tried to figure out what to do. He saw you going through the laws and making a list to make sure your lawyer didn’t miss any. He heard about the movie you didn’t particularly care about and the lore you remembered in case of another because you wanted Barbara to have someone she could tell all of her favorite things too.
Bruce saw the pictures you had taken from the school night. He heard all the details from you as you praised Steph’s work. He saw the way Steph stopped acting around you and the silly arguments the two of you would get into for fun. He heard the way you would listen to her as she verbally worked out her problems. He saw the way Steph looked for you in a crowd, the way she knew you were there but not where you stood exactly, the thought of you not being there never crossed her.
He saw the way you stayed up late, researching different ways to teach reading and writing. He heard the patience and kindness and you worked with Cass. He saw the way you always made a treat just for Cass to have after each lesson because you wanted to reward her hard work. He heard the way you cried for Cass when she had a bad day and got frustrated with herself because you knew she was smart and you wanted her to see it too. He heard your celebrations when Cass made any progress, no matter the size.
Bruce heard, saw, and felt the way you worked hard to have a relationship with his kids. How you had mourned for their losses, celebrated their wins, and felt their pain. He saw the way his kids blossomed under your care, growing to be better and more confident in themselves. The way you cared for them as if they were your own flesh and blood. So when he was asked about his kids behavior, he said as much.
“Y/n has worked hard to be accepted by them. She’s given so much of her time, effort, patience, and love and never wanted anything in return. She always shows up for them, no matter what the occasion is, big or small, it doesn’t matter. If they want her there, she’ll be there. Everytime they need or want her, she’s there. She never judges them and treats them as if they were her own blood. Of course their upset and lashing out, people are insulting the woman who has cared for them more then most of their biological mothers.”
Later, a clip of you scolding Bruce and all the kids went viral. While you were scolding them over their behavior and making the kids who had reacted with violence or threats write apology letters because asking mean questions does not make it right to respond badly especially when its someone just trying to start drama. Everyone one noticed that there was no actual bite to your tone and no anger when they all refused to stop acting like that. In fact, there was a small soft smile on your face as you shook your head at your family.
#dc#jason todd#dick grayson#tim drake#fem reader#batman x reader#bruce wayne x reader#Damian wayne#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#barbara gordon#batfamily x reader#batmom reader#batmom#request#cipheress-to-k-pop
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