#also I did it with 26 insight

[domeniudulce]

First try not even attempting to do so I beat the Witches of Hemwick. The boss run was harder than the boss.

[eldritchqueerture]

okay okay okay but HOW exactly. how exactly did john kill Emily and Parker. he was trapped in the book. Emily was described to have been mutilated!!! in a fucking field!!! and when parker died there was no blood! did john take over arthur's body for a brief second? why has arthur never questioned it? how the hell was that possible

when kayne said "anyone who wouldve opened that book and taken what you took wouldve died. they all die." did he mean that?? cause per intermezzo other arthurs manage fine despite not being SpecialTM like our arthur. and WHY were they killed in such different ways??

[wangmiao]

An Incomplete History of Zhang Luyi & Chen Minghao's Friendship

Do you like Pangxie's chemistry in Tibetan Sea Flower? Do you feel that they are really old friends? Besides the fact that Zhang Luyi and Chen Minghao are very good actors, they are indeed old friends, and the earliest record that I can find of them working together dates back to 2006. However, CMH was in the 1996 class of acting at the The Central Academy of Drama, while ZLY was in the 1999 class of directing at the same university, so I figured they definitely got to know each other before 2006. So more or less, on Chinese social media, people usually assume that they've been friends for almost 20 years.

Before I dig into the history, I want to mention that some Pangxie scenes are actually improvised by ZLY and CMH on set. CHM has played Pangzi several times, and is insanely good at it, so he knows about Pangzi and the character dynamics inside out. While ZLY is new to the DMBJ universe, he did read all the DMBJ novels before the filming of Tibetan Sea Flower, so he has very insightful understanding of the characters and relationship dynamics as well.

For example, according to an interview of the director, this iconic & funny "拜年/new year's greeting" scene in episode 6 was improvised, and the director just decided to keep it in the final cut. In a BTS footage, Pangxie putting peanuts on Feng's very wrinkled test paper in episode 9 was also shown to be something that ZLY and CMH came up with during rehearsing.

The History

In the first paragraph, I mentioned that they went to the same undergraduate university. Another thing that connects them even more is that they went to the same graduate school - Peking University's School of Arts, and both have the master's degree in arts. ZLY fans sometimes just endearingly call CMH “师哥/shige" because of all of this.

In 2006, ZLY and CMH were in the stage play 琥珀/Amber. Here are some rare photos of 26-year old ZLY and 31 year old CMH LOL:

Both of them continued to do a lot of theatre works, some tv/film roles, and also attended grad school in the coming years. ZLY got his breakthrough leading role in 2014, and started to lead in shows/films.

In 2016, ZLY and South Korean actor Jang Hyuk starred in the drama 新海/New Sea, and CMH was seen sharing the following scene with ZLY. Unfortunately, due to China's ban on South Korean entertainment content in the same year, this drama will probably never see the light of day.

Then, I think some of you already know this, in late 2016, CMH directed the stage play Big D, and ZLY was his lead actor in this play. According to different news articles, the tickets of this play were sold out in either 5, 7, or 8 minutes (LOL no idea why there were such discrepancies, but they were sold out within 10 minutes for sure).

In 2018, they appeared in The Sound which is a very good variety show about dubbing. Celebrities were asked to dub domestic and international shows/films (sometimes in both Chinese and English) to show case their voice acting skills and language skills. What's really funny is that ZLY is one of the typical introverts who can be a clown when he's surrounded by people he's familiar with, but once you put him in an unfamiliar environment, he gets nervous and shy. So after he and CMH entered the room together, he just naturally and subconsciously stood right beside CMH, the one he was most comfortable with, even though he was supposed to team up with another actress (who was off screen). He got really confused for a minute when all the other guests and hosts were questioning why he didn't stand beside his teammate LOL.

Both ZLY and CMH are really very low key actors in c-ent, so you don't see them in public events a lot. The last time that they were spotted chatting in public was during the premiere of the movie Under the Light last September.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I hope this can bring some insight into their friendship. You can tell they are just so comfortable with each other, and shooting Tibetan Sea Flower seemed to be such a fun experience for them. I hope they get to work together again soon in the future!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Being good at your job is praxis

You know the joke.

Office manager: "$75 just to kick the photocopier?"

Photocopier technician: "No, it's $5 to kick the photocopier and $70 to know where to kick it."

The trustbusters in the Biden administration know precisely where to kick the photocopier, and they're kicking the shit out of it. You love to see it.

Last July, the Biden admin published an Executive Order enumerating 72 actions that administrative agencies could take without any further action from Congress - dormant powers that the administration already had, but wasn't using:

https://www.thenation.com/article/economy/biden-monopoly-executive-order/

This memo was full of deep cuts, like the Competition in Contracting Act of 1984, Northern Pac. Ry Co v US (1958), the Bank Merger Act and the Bank Holding Company Act of 1956, and the Packers and Stockyards Act of 1921:

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2021/07/09/executive-order-on-promoting-competition-in-the-american-economy/

The memo opened with the kind of soaring rhetoric that I absolutely dote on, a declaration of the end of Reagonomics and its embrace of monopoly:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

But the memo didn't just offer red meat to tube-feeding activist cranks like me: it also set out 72 specific, technical activities that would make profound, material changes in the economy and improvements to the lives of every person in America, and then the administration executed every one of those actions:

https://www.davispolk.com/insights/client-update/president-bidens-executive-order-competition-one-year-later

They knew where to kick the photocopier and boy did they kick it - hard.

The White House action has Tim Wu's fingerprints all over it. He's the brilliant, driven law professor who's gone to work as Biden's tech antitrust czar. But Wu isn't alone: he's part of a trio of appointees who are all expert photocopier kickers. There's Jonathan Kanter at the DoJ and Lina Khan at the FTC.

Khan is a model of administrative competence and ideological coherence. Her tenure has included lots of soaring rhetoric to buoy the spirits of people like me:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/09/rest-in-piss-robert-bork/#harmful-dominance

But it's also included lots of extremely skillful ju-jitsu against the system, using long-neglected leverage points to Get Shit Done, rather than just grandstanding or demanding that Congress take action. Here's the FTC's latest expert kick at the photocopier: action on Right to Repair that exercises existing authority:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/k7bxaa/ftc-energy-rules-right-to-repair

The Right to Repair fight is a glaring example of democratic dysfunction. Americans broadly and strongly support the right to fix their own stuff, or to take their stuff to the repair depot of their choice. How broadly? Well, both times that the question has been on the Massachusetts ballot, there was massive participation and the measures passed with ~80% majorities:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/26/nixing-the-fix/#r2r

But despite this, state-level attempts to pass R2R bills have been almost entirely crushed by a coalition of monopolists, led by Apple, including John Deere, GM, Wahl Shavers, Microsoft, Google, and many other giant corporations who want the power to tell you your property is beyond repair and must be condemned to an e-waste dump:

https://doctorow.medium.com/apples-cement-overshoes-329856288d13

Right to Repair is a case study for the proposition that "ordinary citizens… get the policies they favor, but only because those policies happen also to be preferred by the economically-elite citizens who wield the actual influence."

https://scholar.princeton.edu/sites/default/files/mgilens/files/gilens_and_page_2014_-testing_theories_of_american_politics.doc.pdf

Enter the photocopier kickers, wearing boots. The same month that the White House dropped is massive antitrust executive order, it also published an executive order on Right to Repair, including electronics repair:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/10/unnixing-the-fix/#r2r-plus-plus

The EO built on the evidence compiled through the FTC's "Nixing the Fix" report:

https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/documents/reports/nixing-fix-ftc-report-congress-repair-restrictions/nixing_the_fix_report_final_5521_630pm-508_002.pdf

But it also identified that the FTC already had the power to do Right to Repair, in its existing Congressional authorization:

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/07/09/fact-sheet-executive-order-on-promoting-competition-in-the-american-economy/

The Biden antitrust strategy is powerful because it recognizes that every administrative agency has powers that can be brought to bear to slow down the anticompetitive flywheel that has allowed giant corporations to extract monopoly profits and then launder them into pro-monopoly policies.

Which brings me to today's news: the FTC has carefully reviewed the powers it has under its existing Energy Labeling Rule (you know, the rule that produces those Energystar stickers on appliances) and concluded that it can also force companies to publish repair manuals under this rule:

https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/news/press-releases/2022/10/federal-trade-commission-seeks-public-comment-initiative-reduce-energy-costs-strengthen-right-repair

As USPIRG's Nathan Proctor told Motherboard’s Matthew Gault, "When Congress passed energy conservation policies decades ago, it included the ability to require Right to Repair access. While that provision has gone unnoticed for too long, it’s not surprising it was written that way."

https://www.vice.com/en/article/k7bxaa/ftc-energy-rules-right-to-repair

The FTC is now planning to exercise that long dormant authority in a game-changing way - to kick the photocopier really, really well. It is seeking public comment on "whether lack of access to repair instructions for covered products is an existing problem for consumers; whether providing such information would assist consumers in their purchasing decisions or product use; whether providing such information would be unduly burdensome to manufacturers; and any other relevant issues"

https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/ftc_gov/pdf/R611004EnergyLabelingANPR.pdf

The Trump years were brutal. Every time we turned around, some Trumpy archvillain was twirling his mustache and announcing an evil plot. Yet so many of these turned out to be nothingburgers - not because they were sincere in their intentions, but because they lacked administrative competence.

Trump embodied administrative incompetence. He was very good at commanding the news cycle, and very good at riling up his base, but he had no idea where to kick the photocopier, and every expert photocopier kicker that Trump hired got immediately fired, because they would insist that Getting Shit Done required patience and precision, not a deluge of chaotic governance-by-tweeting.

To the extent that Trumpland Got Shit Done - packing the courts, handing out trillions in tax gifts to the ultra-rich - it was in spite of Trump and his trumpies, and because of the administratively competent wing of the party: McConnell, Romney, et al. In the GOP, "establishment" is a slur meaning "competent."

This isn't to say that Trump wasn't dangerous - he absolutely was. But it does militate for an understanding of politics that pays close attention to competence as well as virtue or wickedness.

It's one of the things that was very exciting about the Elizabeth Warren campaign - those long-ass policy documents she dropped were eye-wateringly detailed photocopier-kicking manuals for the US government.

Biden himself isn't much of a photocopier kicker. He's good at gladhanding, but the photocopier kickers in his administration represent a triumph of the party's progressive wing. And therein lies a key difference between the parties: in the GOP, the competent are the establishment; in the Democrats, the establishment are the ones who can't or won't act, and the progressives have got their boots on and are ready to kick.

Image: Temple University Libraries (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/tulpics/4882641645/

CC BY 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[Image ID: A photocopier in an office copy room; a silhouetted figure is dealing a flying kick to it.]

[magicshopaholic]

Moving On (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: BTS performs in Amsterdam and Namjoon invites you to the afterparty.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 8.2K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, angst, sex, nudity, making out, fingering, cumming, arguing,

A/N: Takes place a little over a month after Final Destination.

Tagging: @bbl32, @quarter-life-crisis2,  @margopinkerton, @faearchives,  @whoisbts, @purpleseoul7, @sumzysworld, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: "where does the good go" by tegan and sara

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

Joon [13:45] Did you get the email from Big Hit?

Kaya [13:50] Yes

Joon [13:51] The number at the end is their London office. They’ve been briefed already and have additional security available for all European locations.

Kaya [13:54] Okay

There’s a break in the chat here. Kaya stares at the time stamp, trying to picture him scrambling to find something else to say.

Joon [14:15] The company managed to track down the account that uploaded the video. Account has been taken down and they’ve sued for invasion of privacy.

Kaya [14:20] Okay 

Joon [14:22] They’ve also offered to add damages to the suit, in case we want that. Do you?

Kaya [14:25] Not really

Joon [14:26] Okay then

Another break. Kaya scans the time stamps again, even though she’s memorised it by now. She remembers the three dots indicating him typing, seeing them appear and disappear over and over again. 

Joon [14:40] How are you?

Kaya [14:45] Fine

Joon [14:46] How‘s work?

Kaya [14:48] Fine

Joon [14:50] Kaya I’m trying

Kaya [14:51] Class starting, got to go

He hadn’t responded and she hadn’t expected him to. Four days post break-up hadn’t been nearly long enough for her to let go of her anger but now, four weeks in, it’s only been replaced with an equal amount of sadness and longing.

Every conversation has been exactly this terse and abrupt, the last one being a week ago. It had appeared when she’d been teaching an elective class and it had taken every ounce of her will to not check it until the class ended. As it turned out, she couldn’t even think of a decent response to it.

“How can he possibly think of asking me this?” Kaya mutters, earphones in as she walks home. It’s dusk, a gorgeous time of the day, but she holds no appreciation for it right now.

“Wouldn’t it be worse if he didn’t ask?” Dilara asks reasonably. She’s in her car by the sound of it, a low hum audible of whichever fancy car of hers she’s decided to take out today.

Kaya swallows, pondering this. It might be, but it doesn’t address the problem she’s too embarrassed to voice out loud: it should be harder for him to ask. The thought that he might not be taking this break-up as hard as she is kills something inside of her, as if she’d misunderstood everything in the last three years. 

Her strategy to save herself from hearing the truth had been to distance herself from everyone, including Yoongi, who had texted her out of the blue one day to ask her if she was okay (she hadn’t responded); Seokjin, who seemed to skirt the topic altogether and sounded as though he was speaking to someone very sick; and especially Dilara, who Kaya knew would be the only one with the capacity to ask insightful questions that she herself was too afraid to.

“It’s just… strange,” is all she can manage. “He hopped on a flight, shot a few emails, came over and broke up with me and then went right back to his schedule, all in one day. And now he's inviting me to a party?"

“After-party, so it won’t be, like… crazy,” Dilara clarifies. “And the concert before it.” 

“I’m definitely not going to his concert.”

“Of course not,” she agrees breezily. “I wouldn’t expect you to. But the party… I mean, it’s a good thing, isn’t it? He doesn’t want you to be strangers.”

Kaya slows down as she approaches the river. She’s taken the long route home today - anything to prolong the commute before another night in her tainted apartment with memories on every surface.

“I don’t know if I want to see him.” I don’t know if I can. “He wants to see me, though, apparently,” she states after a moment.

Dilara doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I mean -“ She begins before pausing, then trying again. “I’m sure it’s going to be torture for him to see you. But even that’s better than not seeing you.”

Kaya doesn’t even realise she’d been holding her breath; she exhales as slowly as possible so as to not make a sound, both at Dilara’s words as well as her answering the unasked question.

She doesn’t respond immediately, though. Now that they’re down this route of addressing concerns she’s been harbouring in her heart for weeks, Kaya feels the rest of them on the verge of tumbling out of her mouth.

"You've seen him a bit these last couple of months,” she ventures, lowering her voice and leaning backwards against the railing overlooking the river. “Does it seem like he misses me at all?"

Dilara hums, a little too knowingly for Kaya’s liking. “Of course, he does. He’s not the most expressive when it comes to his feelings but aside from Tae last year, I don't think I've met a more miserable person."

Kaya waits for the swell of happiness or relief at this news, but all it brings with it is a new wave of anger and frustration.

“Thanks.”

"Look, speaking from experience, it's not easy seeing your ex after a difficult break-up,” says Dilara, sighing. “But sometimes you don't realise just how much you needed to see them until you see them, even if it's just to gain some closure."

Closure. It sounds… final. Kaya can’t picture it, being virtual strangers eventually, just bits of each other’s past. Ex-boyfriend, girl of his dreams, the one that got away. She hates all those words because they just don’t apply, not really. They can’t.

She closes her eyes and presses the heel of her palms into them to intercept the wetness forming, not caring that Dilara is still on the other end of the line. She and Namjoon had stood right here, years ago, living in the bliss of a new couple in fresh love. He’d brought her a bunch of tiny yellow flowers from the park, part-cheesy and part-genuine, eyes twinkling and dimples soft.

Kaya squeezes her eyes shut at the memory, terrified at how the edges of it are already blurring. 

“I don’t think I’ll go,” she murmurs, opening her eyes to stare at the ground. “I can’t.” 

“Are you sure?” Dilara sounds slightly surprised.

“Yeah. Two days from now is… it’s too soon. I’ll either cry or yell or… I don’t know. It’s too hard.”

“Oh.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. If you’re sure. Let me know if you want to get together on Sunday,” she adds. “Brunch or something.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

—

The next day, Kaya is in the library again, grading papers and wishing she could go back to being a grad student who’s biggest problem was a pop quiz. She’s deliberately chosen a table at the back, away from where the students generally sit, which is why she looks up in surprise when someone comes to her table.

“H-hi, Kaya.” The student waves rests one hand on the back of an empty hair and waves hesitantly with the other.

“Um… hi.” Kaya tries not to frown too conspicuously, for she’s sure she knows this girl. 

Svetlana. Savannah. 

“Elena, right?”

“Yeah,” she answers with a nervous smile. “Um… are you busy?”

Kaya glances at the stacks of papers, books and laptop on the table. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Okay. Well… I just wanted to say hi.”

Kaya nods awkwardly and forces a small smile on her face. “Hi.”

Elena nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks like she’s about to leave but at the last moment, sits down at the table. Kaya feels her smile fade for she really, really wants to be alone right now.

“How - how are things going?” She sounds nervous - extremely so. She seems to be fidgeting slightly and constantly touching her hair. 

“Great,” says Kaya shortly, going back to her paper and hoping she’ll take the hint. “You?”

“Not bad, overall. I guess. Classes are hard and mid-terms are coming up as well…” Elena trails off. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Trying not to sigh, Kaya shakes her head. “Not really. You?”

“Well… I’m going to a concert tomorrow,” she answers hurriedly, and it’s clear that she’s been waiting to divulge this information, oblivious to how Kaya’s heart stops. “It should be fun. Do - do you listen to BTS?”

An unexpected notification from this morning floats into her kind. BTS continues their Europe leg by arriving in Amsterdam, ready to kick off the summer in style!

“No,” she answers truthfully.

“Oh.” Elena is quiet for a moment. “They’re really… good.” 

There’s some awkward silence during which Kaya deliberately writes comments on the paper she’s grading, scratching the pen on the paper and wishing Elena would leave.

“It’ll be good to get out of campus. The people here are kind of intimidating. The parties are pretty wild, too,” she murmurs after a moment, sounding uncomfortable.

Kaya nods absently, uncharacteristically satisfied with the knowledge that she might be intimidating this unwanted guest. “Maybe you’re going to the wrong parties,” she offers.

Elena lets out a nervous laugh again. “Maybe. I never see you at them, though. There’s one, tonight, in the common room. Maybe you could come,” she suggests lightly. “Bring a friend or - or your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she answers flatly, not looking up.

“You - oh.” There’s a note of surprise in her voice. “Oh,” she repeats, this time seemingly to herself. “Are you sure?” she blurts out.

Kaya’s eyes snap up to glare at her. “Pretty sure.”

Elena’s eyes widen. “Oh, of - of course,” she stutters. “Sorry, that - that was a stupid question. Sorry.” She swallows and looks at her lap.

Kaya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at an innocent bystander in this situation. “Elena, I… I really need to get these papers done,” she tells her, her voice one of forced calm. “So…”

The blonde finally seems to understand and awkwardly stands up. “Okay. Um, see you around,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear again. 

Kaya nods as she leaves, Namjoon’s invitation swimming in her mind tantalisingly. She can’t ignore it anymore, the fact that they’re in the same city, her city. If she’s not wrong, he’ll do the concert tomorrow night, the group will probably stay the night and depart by Sunday afternoon or evening and she will probably never see him again.

She attempts to continue grading the paper she was working on when Elena interrupted, but when she finds herself reading the same stupid sentence for the fourth time without retaining anything, she begins packing up, ready to head home.

—

Joon [18:42] Hope to see you there tonight

Kaya, with a loss as to how to respond to this, simply did not. She can’t imagine he would be texting her during his concert, but she also knows he has before, if the situation was urgent enough to demand it. 

She straightens the black dress against her hips and tilts her head at her reflection. It’s a simple dress, plain black, form-fitting and reaching below her knees, but it’s quite possibly the most gorgeous, sexiest dress she owns. 

If she and Namjoon were together, she would have worn it tonight with no hesitation because it would have driven him insane. After weeks of being apart, seeing her in this dress would have rendered him incapable of staying in work mode without dirty texts, flirty touches and eyes from across the room undressing her. Even now, with a bare face, her hair tied into a loose bun and no footwear, the dress is a game-changer.

She gives herself a few moments to imagine this paradise, one that might have come true tonight had she never told him about the break-in. Then, she silently unzips the dress and climbs out of the black fabric pooled around her feet. Tucking it back into her closet, she looks for something else.

Dilara [18:50] In case you change your mind, sharing the location here [Location]

Dilara’s text had come minutes after Namjoon’s, and Kaya has to imagine it was a genuine coincidence. Although she’d replied to neither, it was the second text that caused her to change her mind - that, and the lingering fear that if she didn’t go today, she didn’t know how either of them would be able to maneuver a situation to see each other again.

The concert should end in a little over an hour. Her phone pings again and she groans, for she doesn’t think she can take any more of their unsubtle attempts at convincing her to go tonight. It’s not Namjoon or Dilara, though, but Adam Fischer, her thirty-something thesis advisor, asking if she wants to discuss the coming week’s class schedule tonight.

Kaya shakes her head as she types out a reply (Sorry, I can’t tonight. Will set up a meeting for first thing Monday if that’s okay?), a little rueful. Namjoon heavily disliked Adam, despite having no concrete reason for doing so. He’d always suspected Adam of having feelings for her, even though Adam hadn’t said or done anything to make her think he might. Part of her wonders if she could somehow ditch the party for this meeting and still make sure that the news travelled to Namjoon through the grapevine (Dilara), and if that would still piss him off even now.

She immediately cringes at the pettiness of it, however, sending her reply to Adam and heading into the shower.

The party is at the rooftop restaurant of the hotel next to the concert venue, and presumably where BTS is staying while in Amsterdam. It isn’t as crowded as she was anticipating, although the music is fairly loud. It looks more like a fancy houseparty, and even a few seconds in, Kaya can spot a handful of vaguely famous people in attendance. She looks around for a familiar face, preferably Dilara or Yoongi or one of the younger boys, wishing she’d called ahead and trying not to think about the fact that in spite of not RSVP-ing, her name was on the guest list.

She takes another hesitant step in and audibly sighs when she spots Taehyung, who, for reasons best known to himself, has accessorised his outfit with an ascot. He seems to be in an animated conversation with Jungkook, while standing in between them and facing ahead, with loose curls tumbling down her shoulders and looking slightly bored, is…

“Kaya!”

Dilara’s mouth forms her name over the music as she brushes past her boyfriend and his friend and hurries towards Kaya, looking both happy and relieved to see her. “You look hot!” she exclaims when she reaches her.

“Oh -” Kaya looks down self-consciously; she’d settled for a straight strapless top and jeans, unable to justify dressing sexier without seeming like she was trying too hard for her ex-boyfriend. “Thanks. And you look…” She frowns slightly at Dilara’s mini-dress and go-go boots, with a slightly out-of-place gold ring hanging around her neck. “... like Daphne Blake.”

Dilara’s face visibly falls. “I look like a cartoon character?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.

“Well, a very pretty cartoon character,” she adds quickly. “Especially with the headband. But… why?”

She rolls her eyes. “Taehyung picked it - but I’m sure it’s not because of Daphne Blake.” Spotting Kaya’s confused expression, she shrugs sheepishly. “We got into an argument yesterday about who has better taste, so we decided to go shopping at The Nine Streets and pick each other’s outfits for tonight.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, something seemingly clicking into place. “So the ascot is your doing?”

“M-hm.” She nods in satisfaction before her eyes widen. “Oh, hey! An ascot - like Fred!” She lets out a low whistle at this realisation and laughs, while Kaya nods knowingly, feeling the urge to smile for the first time in what feels like weeks. “Not planned but zero regrets. I wonder if Tae knows that - oh.”

Kaya cuts her off mid-sentence with a hug, suddenly immensely grateful for Dilara. She can’t remember the last time she’d let anyone into her life this much with the exception of Namjoon; but just maybe, when she’d been happy with him and her guard had been lowered, Dilara had slipped in without warning as well.

She tightens her arms around Kaya and rubs her back. “It’s good to see you, too,” she says, sounding part-surprised and part-delighted. “It’s been a while but I promise that we will still - oh, hey.” The change in tone is abrupt. “Incoming.”

By the way her voice immediately lowers, Kaya is sure she knows what Dilara is referring to. Her heart beating a mile a minute, she pulls away from the hug and turns as casually as she can.

Her first thought is that he looks thinner - visibly so. Well, he’s on tour, says a voice in her head but Kaya suspects that’s not the only reason, for he’d been on tour when he’d broken up with her as well.

His hair is a silvery blond, looking almost metallic; dressed simply in a black T-shirt and  jeans, he runs a hand through his hair so it falls gracefully around his face as he approaches her, his face unreadable.

“Hi,” he says, and it sounds like all the breath has been let out of him with just one word. He swallows and straightens his shoulders, a small smile appearing on his face, the dimple faintly visible. “It’s good to see you, Kaya.”

Kaya nods, unable to speak and overcome with a sudden urge to cry. “You, too,” she murmurs, glancing at the floor and blinking rapidly before looking back up at him, a bit defiantly.

“I’m glad you decided to come.”

She nods again, her chest twisting at how normal he sounds. He’s standing far away from her as well, as though to make it clear in every way possible that they’re not together. 

“Hope you had a good concert,” she ventures, recalling the grad student who’d accosted her yesterday, practically beside herself at attending a BTS concert. “Backstage must have been hectic.”

A flicker of something appears in his eyes for a moment, possibly with memories of backstage. Wishes of luck, last minute hugs, sweaty and passionate kisses fueled by adrenaline. But it disappears instantly and Kaya wonders if she imagined it.

“It was,” he answers, nodding. He slides his hands into his pockets smoothly, leaning back on his heels and his smile widening a little. “But worth it as always. The crew did well.”

Kaya doesn’t even bother nodding this time; all of a sudden, she regrets coming here tonight. Dilara has left, she just realises, and Namjoon is acting like they’re acquaintances at best, making her feel stupid and yet immensely grateful that she didn’t wear the sexy black dress.

At that moment, his eyes flicker to something behind her. “I’m sorry, I just need to go and say hi to a couple of people. But enjoy your night. It’s an open bar,” he adds, smiling and nodding politely before brushing past her and walking away.

Kaya doesn’t move; she doesn’t think she can. Something heavy feels like it’s settled on her chest, the weight of confusion, disbelief and crushing disappointment threatening to suffocate her. She has no idea what she’d been expecting; maybe arguing, fighting, crying together again - but not him not caring. Not this.

Namjoon continues walking in the opposite direction for as long as he can keep Kaya in his peripheral vision, both guilty and relieved when she doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t think he can look her in the eye if she does, witness the pain and hurt in her face that close.

He catches Seokjin’s eye and hurries over to him. Seokjin raises his eyebrows and seems to guess what might have transpired, ushering him over to the other end of the circular bar and out of Kaya’s line of sight.

“How did it go?”

Namjoon rests his palms on the bar and shakes his head, no words coming to him at the moment and feeling like he could throw up. He can’t fathom how he did it, how he stood there before her and didn’t immediately pull her to him, or break down and ask her to forgive him for doing the only thing he knew to do.

“Drink this.” Seokjin slides a glass to him and Namjoon takes it without hesitation, taking a huge gulp and waiting for it to sting his sinuses. 

“This is water,” he states hoarsely, frowning at the glass.

“Cold water,” corrects Seokjin. “It’ll help clear your head.”

Namjoon takes another sip and places the glass down, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t do this. How do I tell her I can’t do this? How do I ask her to -“ But he breaks off here, his mind swimming with the sight of her bare shoulders and exposed collarbones, imagining how they would feel if he held her.

“Okay.” Seokjin exhales through his nose and pauses. “Look, I have to ask. You’ve seen the state she is in. And you’re…” He struggles for a moment “...like this. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to ask her to get back -“

“No.” The answer is instant, although it’s partly a habit by now. As he does every time his mind tries to convince him otherwise, Namjoon forces the memory of her phone call to the forefront of his mind, the fear in her voice and  devastation on her face when he’d entered her apartment.

“But maybe this is -“

“No.” 

Seokjin is silent and Namjoon can tell that he doesn’t approve. Please don’t ask me again, hyung. He doesn’t know if he did the right thing by inviting her but he couldn’t imagine not doing it either, not being right here in her city, knowing she was so close that he could almost smell the coconut and vanilla in the air and still not see her in the flesh.

“If you’re sure,” says Seokjin at last. “If you are, then I guess you did well. Just… just be normal around her. Keep a normal distance, talk about normal things and…” He half-shrugs, sounding uncertain. “She’s smart. She’ll understand. If you’re sure you want to do this, then… she’ll get it.”

Normal. Namjoon knows what he means, but he wants to tell him that none of this is normal. Not touching her, not being honest with her, not being with her - none of it is normal. 

“She’s talking to Yoongi right now,” he adds, and Namjoon turns to see them near the stairs to the top floor. Kaya’s back is to him, her head lowered slightly and her thumbs hooked onto the back pockets of her jeans, the material hugging her hips and curving down her backside… He swallows and looks away.

“This is your chance,” says Seokjin. “Go and mingle. Let her see you moving on - even if you actually aren’t,” he clarifies quickly. “It won’t be pleasant but it might encourage her to do the same.”

Namjoon isn’t sure of the wisdom of this strategy but ever since the cause of his break-up had been revealed to the older members (and surely to Taehyung at least, by Dilara), he’d almost been relieved that he wouldn’t have to make every decision on his own.

He tries his best to navigate the party after that, making empty conversation with guests, using every bit of remaining energy and willpower to plaster a smile on his face. All the while, part of his attention is constantly on Kaya, registering her familiar figure alone at the bar as she nurses a beer, sometimes with Dilara. 

Be normal. Seokjin’s words start holding less and less meaning with every passing minute, especially when he spots Kaya having finished her drink and he’s struck with the sudden fear that she will leave the party. In an effort to be as normal as he can, Namjoon heads over to the bar where she’s scanning the life-size menu half-heartedly, arms folded across her chest.

“Like anything?” he asks humbly. Long Island Iced Tea or a Mai Tai - depends on the flavours. His heart jolts when she shoots him a doubtful look and doesn’t answer, almost as if she’s wary of talking to him. She leans over the bar and gives the bartender a smile that makes his heart drop, especially when he grins back.

“Komt de mai tai in mango?” she asks, half-pouting when he shakes his head. “Een biertje, alsjeblieft,” she says finally, taking her second beer and turning away from the bar.

Namjoon doesn’t remember ever feeling this distant from her. “I’m glad you came tonight,” he tries again, choosing to look at her even though she’s facing away.

Kaya nods, pursing her lips and looking ahead. “Yeah, you said that already.” But her voice trembles ever so slightly, or maybe he just knows her so well that he’s sure it’s not a case of her not wanting to look at him - she can’t look at him.

It’s all on him now. He started this; if there is any hope of them still staying in each other’s lives, it’s down to him to make it happen. 

“How’s your dissertation going?” he asks, hoping her work is a topic she might open up on.

She shrugs after a moment. “Off schedule,” she answers shortly. “A lot of variables hanging in the air.”

“Did you get into the research project you’d applied for?”

It’s momentary but it appears: the corner of her mouth tilts upwards. “Yeah,” she admits, finally looking at him, albeit hesitantly. “Guess I’ll have a lot more time to focus on it now,” she murmurs, the hint of a smile fading.

Namjoon’s heart sinks. She’s so angry with him; it’s palpable and not something he has ever been on the receiving end of. Her hand hangs by her side; his own itches to link his fingers with his, maybe tug her to him or lead her out of this stupid party where he can plead for her to just look at him.

“Well,” he says, then pauses. “I’m glad you could get the time off tonight. Must have been hard.”

“M-hm, not really.” She shakes her head. “Adam wanted to meet but I’ll probably catch up with him later,” she adds nonchalantly.

Namjoon nods, his hand tightening around his glass. He can’t tell if she’s trying to provoke him, for they do work closely; close enough that Adam’s intentions have always been a point of disagreement for them. He’d never been able to explain to her just how much he hated the way her advisor looked at her when she didn’t notice, how his hugs always lingered a moment too long or how he insisted on calling her late in the evenings to discuss work.

He’s distracted momentarily by Jungkook, who approaches them while bopping effortlessly to the music and stops in between them, turning to face in the same direction as Namjoon and Kaya. He’s definitely tipsy; the smile on his face is too big and he doesn’t seem to be reading the room at all.

“Dilara is a really good dancer, isn’t she?” he says loudly in English to no one in particular. Namjoon frowns and follows his gaze to see Dilara, Taehyung and Hoseok dancing, before turning back to look at Jungkook. On his other side, Kaya is also frowning at him, tilting her head curiously. Their eyes meet and she raises her eyebrows slightly.

Namjoon fights a smile as Kaya half-chuckles and looks away, his heart twisting with longing at how much he misses her. She looks so incredibly beautiful; his eyes sting when he realises that there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.

“I’m gonna -“ He gestures vaguely and walks away in the opposite direction, desperate to be anywhere but around her before his resolve breaks.

The next half hour is a flurry of faces; Namjoon distracts himself with every single individual at the party, making small talk and exchanging unfunny jokes and hyper aware of Kaya occasionally glancing at him.

He knows, because he’s watching her, too, doing his best to make sure she doesn’t see him looking. He can’t even help it; it’s almost muscle memory at this point.

“Who are you looking at?” The woman he’s talking to asks him point-blank.

Namjoon flushes, realising he’d been staring at Kaya over her shoulder while she’d been speaking.

“No one,” he answers quickly. “Sorry.”

The twenty-something woman frowns curiously. “Are you sure? I’m not offended.”

“It’s… nothing.” He shakes his head and looks at the floor. 

“Ex-girlfriend?”

Ex. Not trusting himself to speak, Namjoon nods. 

“Hm.” She hums, somewhat sympathetically. “Bad break-up?”

“Pretty bad.”

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “It’s never easy to be around an ex if it hasn’t ended well.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, desperate to change the topic. “All part of the process, right?”

“Right,” she says encouragingly. “Plus, once you’re past this phase, the one where you constantly want to die, you can begin the drink and eat and hook up as much as you want stage with no judgement.”

He chuckles politely, the prospect sounding horrendous. “Thanks. Feels good to laugh for real.”

She smiles wider and, before he knows it, leans forward and presses a kiss against his lips.

It takes Namjoon a couple of seconds of pure shock before he jumps backwards. “Whoa. What -“ His heart races uncomfortably. “What was that?”

“Sorry,” she says slowly, looking a little confused. “I thought… you wanted to make your ex jealous. Isn’t that where you were going with this?”

“No,” he clarifies immediately. “No. Absolutely not. I don’t want to - no.” In the midst of his minor crisis, he notes how the woman looks almost mortified.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s fine,” he cuts her off, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. He looks up out of habit and sees, unmistakably, Kaya leaving the restaurant, her long dark hair and the shimmery dark blue of her top disappearing out the door.

—

The night has gotten chillier in the last couple of hours and the cool wind hits her bare shoulders the moment she steps out, but Kaya barely feels it. She’s not thinking right now; thinking is what’s got them here, thinking about everything and overthinking to the point of fleeing a restaurant.

“Kaya!” 

Her feet increase their pace automatically the same time her stomach flips, but he’s taller and faster and he reaches her before she can even reach the elevator.

“Kaya,” he repeats hurriedly, reaching and grabbing her elbow. “Wait, please. I’m sorry -”

“Why did you even invite me here?” she asks, cutting him off and turning around to face him. She’s so tired; she didn’t think break-ups could be this exhausting. “You’ve barely said anything to me. Was it to show me in person how you’re moving on? Because if that’s the case, then… message received.”

Namjoon shakes his head immediately; he looks exhausted as well, and Kaya is once again struck by how much thinner he is, overcome with a mixture of empathy and frustration at him. 

“That was not - I didn’t plan that,” he says, sighing. “I don’t even know who she is. She kissed me and it wasn’t… come on, does it look like I’m moving on?” he asks, raising his arms helplessly.

Kaya stares at him and then sighs, shaking her head. “Why did you invite me here?” she asks again, less defensive this time.

“Because I wanted to see you,” he says at once.

She stares at him. “Well, you’ve seen me,” she says, sniffing. “Can I go now?”

“Kaya…”

“What?”

Namjoon runs a hand through his hair, looking lost for words. “Please don’t -“ He breaks off abruptly before taking a step closer to her, his height both large and comforting. “I don’t want you to be sad. I’m sorry.”

Too late. “You’re not supposed to care how I feel. Not anymore.”

He lets out a humourless chuckle. “What?”

“We’re over.” She can hear the tremble in her voice as she crosses her arms across her chest again. “You said it yourself. You’re not supposed to care how I feel.”

“Really?” He narrows his eyes at her. “You think this break-up had anything to do with how I feel about you? You know as I do that it didn’t.” When she doesn’t answer, he sighs. “I did this because I care.”

“If you say so.”

He pokes his tongue into his cheek. “Are you deliberately trying to provoke me or something?”

“Provoke you into what?” she blurts out. “What - what is that you want, exactly? What do you want us to do? Just circle around in each other’s orbits for the rest of our lives, while still being - while still feeling the way we do?” she asks, avoiding her almost-slip of tongue. “We’re just supposed to stay not be together and still stay in each other’s lives? What - what do you want?”

Namjoon opens his mouth but falls silent; it’s clear he hasn’t thought that far ahead - or he can’t say it out loud. “I want…” He begins, before pausing and starting again. “I want… you to be happy,” he says eventually. “And safe.” 

She scoffs and he bristles. 

“I’m serious. I -” He breaks off when someone exits the restaurant, his gaze following them until they’re out of sight before he turns back to her. “This is hard for me, too, you know? Why is it so hard for you to believe I might want you to be happy?”

Kaya exhales but doesn’t answer, because it isn’t hard to believe, not even a little bit. It’s unfortunately the most believable thing he’s ever said to her which means she can’t even fight it.

“How?” she asks finally. “By moving on, like you were pretending to do?”

Namjoon bites his lip and his eyes glaze over, and she knows he’s picturing it. His eyes fall to the floor but he nods slowly anyway. “Yeah, I guess. As long as I don’t have to watch it,” he adds in a mutter.

It’s really over. Kaya feels her eyes well up. “Fine,” she answers quietly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find someone to move on with tonight.” She turns to leave but feels him stop her again. “What?” she snarls.

“Kaya, I -” The lift opens and a handful of people tumble out, holding merchandise and talking loudly. Namjoon’s eyes widen and he immediately grabs her arms and walks her back into a corner, just as the group turns into their corridor and towards the restaurant.

“What are you -”

But the second lift opens just then and they hear the sound of a second group of voices. Namjoon swears under his breath and pushes open a door behind her, walking her back further into the tiny dark room and letting the door swing shut behind him.

“What is wrong with -“

“It’s press,” he hisses, and she falls silent.

He peers out into the corridor through the small window in the door; there’s no light except for the bit through the window and from a skylight in the ceiling. Kaya can smell something vaguely citric that she decides is floor cleaner; they are in a janitor’s closet.

She and Namjoon are frozen in place, his hands still on her arms and hers on his torso to keep from losing her balance. It’s been a long time since they’ve been this close; it takes Kaya a few seconds to realise that the voices outside have disappeared, but he still hasn’t moved away.

Almost as if he’s subconsciously heard her, his thumbs stroke her arm once. The simple touch makes all the anger crumble away for a moment, especially now that it’s just them with the rest of the world shut outside. Kaya hesitates for a moment, then gently rests her forehead on his shoulder. Namjoon stiffens but a moment later, she feels his fingers tighten above her elbows, followed by him loosely enveloping her in his arms.

It seems cruel, almost, that the target of her anger and source of her comfort lie in the same person. It isn’t even a hug; it’s a moment of weakness at best, borne from his almost subconscious need to protect her. For the first time, Kaya wonders if she’s being unfair to him.

Resisting the temptation to wrap her arms around his waist, she steps away from him with difficulty, her back touching the wall. His arms fall from around her reluctantly, his expression resigned. It’s dark but she can see him more clearly than she has all night.

“This is a terrible idea,” she murmurs, echoing her words from a month ago. “The worst you’ve ever had.”

Namjoon exhales shakily but doesn’t argue. “I meant everything I said in that note,” he says, not even trying to hide the tremble in his voice anymore. “And I really do want you to be happy.”

The note. The one he’d kept on her bedside table when he’d left her apartment while she slept, the only thing of his that was left when she’d awoken, naked and alone. She’d only had the strength to read it once before she’d broken down and tucked it deep into her drawer, knowing the words would be etched in her memory.

“You know what will make me happy,” she whispers, looking at the ground. She feels him come closer to her, one hand hovering by her side as though unable to decide if she’d want her to touch him. 

He finally rests it lightly on her waist, moving it slightly upward as she looks up at him, her heart twisting at how he’s unable to meet her eyes. She places her hands on his face, thinking vaguely how much she misses seeing his dimple.

“Joon,” she whispers, waiting for him to nod once. “Look at me.”

Namjoon visibly swallows, gaze still fallen. “Kaya, I…”

“No,” she interrupts him. “Look at me.”

With what seems like an enormous effort, he meets her eyes. This is hard for me too, you know? 

She knows. Kaya strokes his cheekbones with her thumbs, her touch feather-light. “Kiss me,” she whispers. She touches her forehead to his and closes her eyes, hoping he’ll give in, for she can’t go further than this. 

His hand tightens around her waist, pressing her into the wall. Their lips brush momentarily and he shivers.

“Do it,” she urges, her voice barely audible now. “Kiss me.”

She feels his lips before she even registers him moving against her and she leans into it, feeling like she can breathe for the first time in weeks. Come back to me, she thinks desperately. Come back to where you belong.

It’s like he can hear her. Namjoon pulls away, one hand on the wall beside her face for support, the other holding her.

“Fuck,” he whispers, and it sends a jolt of anticipation through her heart. “I love you, Kaya,” he adds, voice full of emotion. Kaya nods, unable to speak, wishing he would meet her eyes. He moves his hands to her face and touches his forehead to hers again, swallowing.

Look at me.

But he doesn’t. “But you have no idea,” he continues, every word sounding like it's costing him effort, “how I felt when you called me that night. The things that went through my mind…” He sniffs, and Kaya’s heart sinks. “I can’t let that happen again baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

She can feel her face start to contort and she drops her hands from his shoulders, for she knows this part by heart. “Goodbye, Namjoon,” she mutters thickly, sliding out from between him and the wall. She pushes open the door and hurries out, leaving him behind.

—

When she hears the knock on her front door the next morning, Kaya is just about to step into the shower. She freezes and sighs, for she really, really needs this shower. She considers ignoring it but the knock sounds again and she groans, abandoning the activity of tying up her hair and letting it fall loose instead. 

Grabbing the old, threadbare robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, she pulls it around herself and shuffles to the front door. She peers through the peephole and her heart stops for a moment, but she steels herself and opens the door.

Namjoon stands before her, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. “Hey. I just wanted to - oh, God,” he switches abruptly, his expression changing from vaguely apologetic to shocked, and he slips inside the apartment.

“What?” Kaya asks, taken off guard and stumbling backwards.

“You really opened the door wearing that?” he hisses, shutting the door behind him. “I could’ve been anyone!”

“I knew it was you,” she argues, tightening the belt around her waist and realising, for the first time, how short the robe is. But she isn’t about to admit that to him, especially not when he’s turned up unannounced and decided to begin his visit by berating her. She folds her arms across her chest. “What do you want, Namjoon?”

He hesitates, almost as though he’s just noticing how displeased she is. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking a bit ashamed. “I didn’t mean to… anyway,” he says quickly, wringing his hands and slipping them back in his pockets. “How are you?”

Kaya shrugs suspiciously. He looks remarkably different from where she’d left him last night, almost breaking down and apologising to her. Right now, he seems almost… calm. She can almost imagine that last night had been a slip-up of emotion, possibly due to tiredness and an open bar, whereas in the light of day, he’s back to being the responsible ex who’s fulfilling his obligations by checking up on her each day.

“I’m great.”

He nods after a moment, clearly not believing her. “Well, I came here because…” He sighs and a glimmer of last night’s emotion appears on his face. “I thought about what you said last night. And you were right.”

The jolt in her stomach is almost painful, but Kaya hangs on. If he was talking about what she thinks he is, he would be delivering it far more differently.

“We can’t keep doing this. I can’t expect you to keep doing this,” he adds. “Staying in this limbo, not knowing…” He bites his lip and lowers his gaze, removing his hands from his pockets. “You have every right to move on. I want you to - to be happy.”

Kaya licks her lips slowly. “This,” she says coldly, “could’ve been a text.”

“I didn’t want to leave things the way they were last night,” he tells her, his voice softer. “You’re, uh…” His voice breaks off for a moment. “You’re the love of my life. And we were together for a long time and I… I loved every moment of it. I just want to say goodbye the right way.”

Her throat hurts holding back the rush of emotion that threatens to overwhelm her. 

“Are you sure?” She can’t resist asking, in a whisper. When he nods and lowers his eyes, she feels the heavy, heavy anchor of acceptance settle in her stomach. 

Namjoon hesitantly reaches out with one hand but when she gives him a look, he nods and steps forward, and they meet in their last hug, three and a half years after their first last hug in her apartment.

Kaya hugs him tight, no longer caring about hiding how she feels. There isn’t enough time to try and memorise everything so she doesn’t even try; she just goes higher on her toes and presses her nose into his shoulder, revelling in his scent one last time.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to be doing much better. He’s holding her tight, so tight that it doesn’t seem like he’s ever intending on letting her go. His face is in her hair and his arms stroke her back in small movements, his go-to movement to comfort her since they met.

Just a few more seconds. The sensations increase now; the feel of his shoulders, his chest touching hers - and she’s suddenly conscious of the thin robe being the only thing separating her naked body from him.

At the same time, his hands move to her waist - out of habit, she knows, but she can’t help but be extremely aware of it. His hand stops just above the curve of her hips, quickly and abruptly. 

Her mouth feels dry, but her legs press together. Then, as though he can read her mind and the direction her thoughts are invariably leading in, against her hip, she can feel his body react.

She lets out a soft gasp and feels his body stiffen around her. This is goodbye, a voice reminds her, urging her brain to focus on the matter at hand. But it’s slipping - fading, almost, as a physical urge struggles for dominance. 

Her lips brush his neck as she pulls away - she has to pull away - but it doesn’t matter in the end because somewhere along the way his lips find hers and all thought disappears, replaced by touch, feel and hunger.

Namjoon sighs into her mouth like he’s breathing for the first time, pulling her close. Her robe starts to loosen and he tugs at the belt, groaning when his hands touch her bare skin.

“Fuck, are you really not wearing anything under this?” he murmurs, his voice so low and reverberating so deep inside her that she shivers.

The robe is off; it’s cool and sudden air, a moment where his hands fall from her waist and then their back but this time, it’s skin against skin. It’s lips and sighs and tight grips, the feel of denim, her fingers moving out of habit as they unbutton and unzip - and then there’s pride and relief when she feels his desire for her, still the same as ever, no matter his words.

There’s something solid against her back; somewhere, dimly, her mind registers that her dining table is rickety and has her laptop on it, and then she’s leaning forward and he’s behind her and his chest is against her back and he wants her just as much as he wants him.

“Are you -“

“I’m still on birth control,” she confirms tightly, the next moment feeling his fingers on her hips and then he’s inside her again, after so long. She could almost sob at how good it feels, how right, the lips on her shoulder and his scent and touch.

But it’s over too soon. She gasps and falls forward, her ears ringing and heart hurting at the same time as her heart races. He’s getting close, too; she tries to memorise it now, the exact moment, but then he pulls out. It’s sudden, the emptiness, but the next moment, she feels wetness on her back.

It takes around ten seconds, ten seconds when she’s frozen before she finally hears him sigh and take a step away. A moment later, she reaches across the table and pulls the tissue box towards her, reaching behind and wiping her back.

Kaya turns slightly to see him pulling on his T-shirt, jeans buttoned already. She picks up her robe and pulls it on hurriedly, suddenly not wanting to be naked for even another microsecond in front of him.

Something feels wrong. It’s not the first time he’s finished on her; he’s done it before, on explicit request and without, none of which ever made her feel… like this. Self-conscious. Bare.

Namjoon clears his throat. “I -“ He meets her eyes, still panting slightly. “I still want to… do this right,” he says, sounding almost formal. “Goodbye, Kaya.” 

He starts to take a step forward but pauses. “Maybe we shouldn’t hug,” he murmurs, offering her a small smile. Kaya watches as he hesitantly offers her a hand.

This is goodbye. Kaya can’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortable around him. The momentary loss of her sense of reason feels like it’s returned in full form, and she tightens the robe around her. She starts to reach for his hand but then stops.

“This is what you meant?” she asks quietly. “When you said you wanted to do it the right way? You wanted to see if you could squeeze in one last fuck before you closed this out like a business meeting?”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyes widen. “No! I didn’t - I didn’t want that to happen! I mean - you know that’s not what I meant,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t plan this. You and I both -“

“You planned our break-up and I had no idea,” she cuts him off, the shame and embarrassment creeping up her throat. “I really don’t know anymore.”

He scoffs, but his eyes flicker like he’s been stung. “Is that what you think of me? We were both here, Kaya. It wasn’t just me - you wanted this just as much as I -“

“I slept with Adam.” 

Namjoon freezes. He swallows and his eyes flicker again, rapidly this time. “You’re lying,” he whispers.

Kaya shrugs, holding his gaze with every last bit of willpower in her. “You were the one who told me to move on last night,” she reminds him, watching his expression crumble and doing nothing to stop it.

After what feels like several minutes, or maybe even hours, Namjoon nods slowly. Then, without another word, he turns around and opens the door, walking out of her life and shutting the door behind him.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[citylawns]

Any life advice for teen girls? I’m fifteen living at boarding school with no friends, and I’m not interested in the boys here (never even kissed a guy). I’d like to know if you have any tips, or things you wish you did or could change at my age. I’m just very lost and need some guidance, I don’t really talk to my mom so I can’t ask her. She never really taught me girl stuff and I’ve never had a best friend. I look up to you some, I would really love and appreciate some insight.

Hello lovely! It's taken me a while to think about how to reply to this, sorry to have kept you waiting. I was also very lost and lonely when I was fifteen, and I also didn't really talk to my mum, or if I did it was about comforting her or her shouting at me. She also never taught me girl stuff and I've had to learn how to cook, how to clean, how to wash and shave and perform proper maintenance myself so you can always ask me anything in that regard.

I have a few things here that I think might be helpful and things I did for comfort.

Find comfort in art, music, books, films, but in the end don't isolate yourself too much. This is something I have just spoken about unlearning today with my friends. A lot of us tend to retreat into an internal world to survive and it can be necessary and life saving but you also need to force yourself to open up too. It's important to keep taking the risk to open up to people and find friends, even when it goes wrong over and over. It's taken me until 26 to find some real friends. I hope it comes sooner to you.

You can find mother figures everywhere. In older women you meet in your life, in aunties, your friends and partners parents, older girls, in your friends, in work colleagues. You can ask them the things you could never ask your mum.

Devote your time to learning a skill or hobby related to your interests. I wish I had been more dedicated to learning guitar and music theory, you can learn these things at any age (its never too late) but I wish I had the years put in early. It's also a way to find community and friends - music has been fundamental for that aspect of my life.

Please, please don't worry too much about how you look. I don't know if that's something you worry about, but it was something I worried about a lot. I wished my face was different for so many years but you really do grow into your face and your body. As you age you see parts of yourself in other people (your friends, relatives, anyone) and you realise you can appreciate them in yourself too. Insecurity and comparison still happen, but you realise that owning everything about you is the most enigmatic and attractive quality about a person.

Keep a journal. Write about everything you feel and everything you think and all that's happening in your life. Even if it seems boring and mundane. Most importantly - write about what your hopes and dreams and aspirations are. Your older self will need them to look back on to remind her to keep going. And to remind her of how far she has come.

Be your own best friend. Your relationship to yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life. Be kind to yourself, don't say mean things about yourself, notice when you have done something well. If there's no one else to stick up for you and no one to recognise your achievements you need to be that person for yourself. This will get you through everything.

Sending you a really warm hug, stay strong, I hope boarding school gets better.

[summerlinenss]

out of curiosity, if Max doesn’t release its metrics, then what metrics are you actually using to make these statements about the show’s popularity? what does “it’s currently in the 99.7th percentile of the comedy genre, meaning it’s in higher demand than 99.7% of all comedy series in the u.s.” even mean? How are you measuring what’s “in demand” - by who? Where? It’s bold to claim that this show was wildly popular (despite the fact that I never hear about it outside of tumblr, tho that’s a personal anecdote) but cancelled just for being queer, so I would be really interested to know where you’re getting all these numbers from. Thanks!

hey anon! first of all i am so sorry for the delayed response. i started typing something up and then i got distracted with something else and totally forgot about this in my drafts.

sure, i have no problem citing sources. i probably should’ve linked some in my original post, that’s absolutely fair.

this ended up way longer than i planned so bear with me, but a quick overview of what i’ll be going over:

1) what are the stats/where did they come from?

2) how is the show so popular?

3) was it really cancelled for being queer?

(also just a disclaimer that this will contain spoilers for the show)

1) first, the numbers

you’re right that hbo doesn’t release metrics to the public. in fact, ceo casey bloys tried to justify the cancellation to the hollywood reporter by saying “the numbers weren’t there,” despite refusing to say what exactly those numbers were or where they came from.

however, there are websites dedicated to researching/analyzing the data of different media. one of those is parrot analytics, who focus on industry insights like audience demand, competitive analysis, and content valuations. they’re trusted as a reliable source by forbes, the new york times, reuters, the wall street journal, and more.

this is what we can learn from them about our flag means death from a basic google search (note that all of this data is relevant to the last 30 days as of january 26 2024):

audience demand for our flag means death is now 33.6x greater than the average tv series in the united states. as explained in the “about demand distribution” section, this means it’s one of only 0.2% of all u.s. shows to fall in the “exceptional” performance range compared to the “average” demand benchmark of 64.1%.

the change in demand for ofmd in the u.s. has increased by 7.5% compared to the average tv series.

ofmd now actually ranks at the 99.8th percentile in the comedy genre in the u.s. i’m not a math person, but in basic terms, this is like a scale of measuring and comparing performances to create an average score. essentially, ofmd is performing at the very top of all comedy series in the u.s.

ofmd has 100% home market travelability. as it says above, the market of origin is always 100%, so in fairness i included the graph of international markets for comparison. some of these aren't super high, however (as explained by parrot analytics themselves) one of the key issues with the international market is accessibility to content, which has been an ongoing struggle for international fans. many people (i guess fittingly) have resorted to pirating ofmd because they don’t have access to max or affiliate streaming services in their country.

there are more stats i could have and wanted to go more in-depth into but it would make this even longer than it already is, so i’ll just leave some links you can check out if you’re interested and move on:

• comparison of ofmd's success to shows like ted lasso, euphoria, and peacemaker

• ofmd's placement as #1 most in-demand breakout series in the u.s. for 8 weeks

• ofmd's impressive 94% critics score and 95% audience score on rotten tomatoes

• how ofmd evolved from sleeper hit to a flagship series at max

• a list of ofmd's past and present award nominations/wins

• praise and recognition from news/entertainment sites: the atlantic (2022); the new york times (2023); tv guide (2023); vulture (2023); forbes (2023); the los angeles times (2022); vanity fair (2023)

2) so why haven’t you (or others) really heard of the show outside of tumblr despite all this success? likely because max did a terrible job marketing it.

ofmd first aired on hbo max (pre-merger before it was “max”) in march 2022. the entire season aired over one month, every thursday at 12am pst. season 2 followed a similar release schedule in october 2023.

season 1’s marketing was almost non-existent, pretty much relying on taika waititi’s name being attached. there was one teaser and one full-length trailer, as well as a few clips on youtube of taika and rhys darby answering pirate-themed trivia, all painting the show as a “silly pirate workplace/buddy comedy.” but hbo max didn’t put any real effort in because they didn’t care. david zaslav and the other higher-ups had no faith in the show and expected it to fail.

most people weren’t aware it was actually a romance due to the poor marketing, and although there were many romantically charged scenes between them, many were still wary to believe it wasn’t queerbaiting until ed & stede confessed their feelings and kissed.

showrunner david jenkins has said in interviews that he had no idea how deeply queerbaiting had hurt audiences and impacted their ability to trust what’s on screen without feeling like they’re being ridiculed, despite the fact that he was calling it a love story the whole time. it wasn’t until people realized they weren’t being queerbaited and that it was a funny, sincere show with a compelling plot that word-of-mouth began to spread. by the time the season 1 finale aired, there was a decent-sized fandom that continued to grow as it received more praise.

it was a fight to even get the show renewed for season 2, and david jenkins and the cast have majorly credited that renewal to the unexpected and massive fan response to the show, which basically forced hbo’s hand.

max didn’t bother trying to properly promote the series until season 2, when they begrudgingly accepted that it was one of their most profitable and successful shows. ofmd had huge billboards in times square, downtown los angeles, and on the side of hbo headquarters. they started accurately marketing the show as not just a workplace comedy at sea, but a heartfelt romcom. max began selling long-demanded merch (which became best sellers) and spent money on an FYC campaign.

i will emphasize, whether they liked it or not, they knew ofmd was their new moneymaker (especially with the recent end of succession, which was obviously a cash cow for hbo).

photo credit: @/bookishtheo

3) now if it was that successful, was it really cancelled just for being queer?

i mean, i can’t say that definitively. no one can. there are several potential factors at play that we may never know, and there have been a lot of rumours and speculation (many of which i don’t feel comfortable discussing in case they aren’t true) since the cancellation.

but do i believe the fact that it’s a queer romcom was one of those factors, especially since max has a history of cancelling and scrapping its most diverse projects? absolutely.

first and foremost, i can’t stress enough that this isn’t just a show with a few characters thrown in for token representation. ofmd is built on a diverse, intersectional cast and narratives, including:

• lgbtq+ representation: 5 main couples are explicitly queer (including mlm, wlw, nblm, and nblw relationships). multiple characters are implied to be poly, and there’s a polycule forming in season 2 that was hinted to be developed more in season 3. beyond relationships, it’s confirmed that (similarly to the way wwdits depicts all vampires as being pansexual) all of the pirates are somewhere on the queer spectrum.

• bipoc representation: the majority of the main cast are people of colour. this includes david fane, joel fry, leslie jones, samson kayo, vico ortiz, anapela polataivao, madeleine sami, samba schutte, ruibo qian, and taika waititi, as well as many guest actors (like rachel house, simone kessell, and maaka pohatu) and extras.

• disability representation: multiple characters have physical disabilities, most notably amputated/prosthetic limbs and visual impairment. a lot (actually most) of the characters also deal with mental health issues, particularly coping with severe trauma and suicidal ideation/behaviour.

• the show has been praised for addressing difficult and serious themes like toxic masculinity, colonialism, and self-discovery, all while still managing to be a witty comedy and not come across as “preachy.”

• the diversity also extends off-screen, with a team of directors, writers, and additional crew comprised of numerous bipoc, women, queer people, and trans/non-binary people.

my point isn’t just the quantity of representation, but the quality. they take great care and respect into every marginalized group depicted on-screen. the actors would often be consulted about their characters’ costumes, hair, tattoos, and the kind of language they use. it’s not a world where discrimination magically doesn’t exist, they just have zero tolerance for it. if a character does something homophobic or racist, you can guarantee they’ll quickly (and often violently) be punished.

so okay, sure, it’s got great representation. what does that have to do max cancelling it?

because they’ve been interfering with production from the start.

i already mentioned the marketing issues so i won’t get into that. it was also revealed in interviews with david jenkins after season 2 that hbo cut their budget by 40%, which is why they had to do everything they could to save money. this included letting go of some of the original cast (and even still having episodes where some of them don’t appear at all) and moving the entire production to AoNZ. the budget cuts also meant two less episodes, so they had to rush to fit an entire season’s worth of plot into eight half-hour long episodes.

but one of the biggest frustrations is hbo’s (alleged) censorship of the show. samba schutte revealed that the entire plot of episode 2x06 was completely different in the original script. before it was rewritten as “calypso’s birthday,” the episode took place during lucius & pete’s wedding and focused on the crew getting sick of the sexual tension between ed & stede and trying to get them to hook up (this aligned with lucius & pete getting engaged and ed & stede deciding to take things slow in the previous episode).

vico ortiz and writer jes tom have also commented that many scenes between jim, oluwande, and archie establishing them as a polycule were cut, including one of the three of them emerging from a bedroom in their underwear. jes has mentioned other elements of season 2 that had to be cut out or rewritten, like the implication of other poly dynamics between the crew and more sexually explicit scenarios and jokes.

considering that ofmd is an extremely sex-positive show that isn’t afraid to be raunchy or taboo, it’s clear that either higher-ups at hbo forced them to cut these things out or they had no choice but to cut them out due to tight budget/time restraints.

in addition to this, a recent article citing an “anonymous insider” has alleged that hbo was uncomfortable with and was unsure how to market the “shock violence” in the show (the same network that aired game of thrones), which david jenkins outright called out as being bullshit. ofmd is rated TV-MA and the posters and trailers all show the audience that it contains violent content. there is literally nothing more graphic in ofmd than any other pirate show — it’s probably a lot tamer than most of them, actually.

violence on the show is most frequently used in a comedic context, in the sense that it’s not meant to be seen as scary or taken seriously. the few instances of serious graphic imagery on the show are meant to invoke a mood shift, like ed’s transformation into the kraken or ned low’s murder. it should also be noted that some of the most graphic deaths are reserved for bigots, like ed snapping the neck of a colonizer who was ridiculing stede’s love letter.

it’s also most often used in a sexual context — not sexual violence, but violence as a sexual metaphor. more specifically the act of stabbing as a metaphor for penetration, as seen with both ed & stede and anne & mary. bearing all this in mind, it seems like the real issue here isn’t executives struggling to market explicit violence to a mainstream audience, but rather explicit gay content.

as much as we joke and affectionately call it the “gay pirate show,” ofmd has always been nothing more than an opportunity for rainbow capitalism for hbo (e.g. the fact that they waited three months to announce season 2 just so they could do it on the first day of pride month). like other cancelled queer media, ofmd was a way for hbo executives to show how “inclusive” and “accepting” they are when it was convenient (aka profitable) for them, but they never actually respected the show or us as a community.

it’s impossible to be certain of what the exact reasoning for cancellation was, especially when they won’t give us a clear answer themselves. and maybe it had nothing to do with ofmd being a queer romcom at all. maybe that’s all a horrible coincidence. but for hbo/max to axe a critically acclaimed and beautifully inclusive show that’s successful by every metric, with an extremely devoted fanbase, especially after casey bloys just had the nerve to ask “gay twitter” to hype up the gilded age? it doesn’t exactly put them in the best light regardless.

in summary, i’ll leave you with this editorial, which details how the campaign to save ofmd isn’t just about one show, but a fight to save the future of all queer art.

[the-whatcherof-89]

Ethoslab Ladders Aka Mr Clark Snappers.

CR 20 NG Medium Humanoid

XP 307,200 (if used as npc for encounter)Middle aged Human Rogue (Phantom Thief)10 Living Monolith 10

Neutral Good Medium humanoid

Init +8; Senses Perception +36

AC 40, touch 24, flat-footed 32 (+8 Dex, +5 Deflection, +5 Natural, +1 Insight, +6 Armor, +5 Shield) hp 135 (16d6+75)

Fort +17, Ref +22, Will +16

Speed 30 ft. Melee Adamantine shortsword +27/22/17 1D6+5 Ranged Crossbow +31/26/21 1D8+9

Racial Bonus feat (Fast learner), +1 Skill point per level.

Traits Pragmatic activator, Nervous.

Class features Refined education(Craft:Stone, Perception, Stealth, Spellcraft)+5, Broad education(Finesse rogue, Positioning attack, Improved feint, Minor magic, Major magic), Social sense+3, Advanced rogue talent: Shrine walk, Soul stone, Stone blood, Fortified flesh(DR 3/- 30%), Stability, Bombsight, Immune to disease, Attunement to stone, Summon sphinx, Ageless stone, Judgement of the monolith, Master Ka stone.

Spellcasting CL10 DC20 Crafter’s fortune 5/day Read magic/at will.

Str 10, Dex 26, Con 20, Int 30, Wis 18, Cha 14

Base Atk +14/9/4; CMB +13; CMD +31

Feats Shield proficiency, Rapid reload, Point blank shot, Precise shot, Snap shot, Rapid shot, Crossbow mastery, Master crafter, Endurance, Iron will.

Special His immortality gives him the +2 bonuses for old age but no penalties thanks to his immortality.

Skills Acrobatics +30, Appraise +18, Bluff +25, Climb +20, Craft(Stone) +33, Craft(Redstone)+33, Disguise +11, Disable +14, Escape artist +20, Handle animal +13, Heal +11, Intimidate +11, Knowledge (Arcana +30, Dungeon +18, Engineering +30, Nature +20, Geography +18, History +15, Local 15, Nobility +14, The planes+14, Religion +14), Linguistics +5, Perception +26, Perform(dance) +7, Profession(Engineer) +21, Ride +16, Sense motive +16, Sleight of hand +16, Spellcraft +35, Stealth +30, Survival +16, Swim +20, Use magic device +33.

Languages Common, Draconic, Elven, Dwarven, Sphinx, Giant, Sylvan, Undercommon, Alko.

Combat gear Cornerstone crossbow+5, 45 +4 Bolts, Adamantine defending shortsword+5, 2 Daggers of doubling, Returning trident+1, Amulet of natural armor+5, Ring of protection+5, Scholar’s ring, Dragon form armor(Black)+5, Animated fire resistance darkwood buckler+4, Belt of physical might+6 (Dex, Con), Headband of mental prowess+6 (Int, Wis, Bluff), Coat of resistance+4, Cloak of comfort, Shoes of the lighting leaper, Bracers of the falcon aim, Wands (Fly, Haste, Cure moderate wounds), Potions:Blur(1), Cure critical wounds(2), Manual of quickness of action+3(Used), Tome of clear thought+4(Used), Ioun stones: Dusty rose prism, Western star, Bag of holding type I, Small anvil with the phrase “You got Etho’ed” on the side, Rogue kit, 113GP.

Background Ethoslab also known simply as Etho hails from a far land of Hermits where he is renowned for his pioneering and discoveries in the field of redstone. Etho is a quirky, intelligent, adaptive individual that has some nervous moments popping out sometimes. Nevertheless, Etho’s knowledge of redstone and architecture is unparalleled and even his colleagues Mumbo and Grian recognized his talent. Etho being very old, sometimes struggles to find something new to do that would stimulate his mind even if that means pushing things to the extreme, sometimes. Regardless, his favorite thing is dropping anvils on unsuspecting hermits via very complex contraptions and he was about to drop one on his friend Scar but he was interrupted by an ethereal voice: “You want to see new horizons? I can help with that. Would you like to accept my challenge?” Etho was confused for a moment but then saw a chest that wasn’t there before. “If you are interested, open it. Never seen before horizons awaits you.” Etho was hesitant for a moment but he just could not resist. As soon as he opened the chest the world around him changed as so did his equipment. He stood in the middle of a jungle with new tools, knowledge and a map in hand. “Find me if you can. And if you succeed i will grant your deepest wish.” Etho looked around and spotted a Llama. “Well, would you  look at that.” And he smirked.

Image made using Heroforge.

[msallurea]

🌸 Astrology Fun 🌸

Who is my husband?

This is just something small and I'd love opinions on it and let me know how well I did. I'll also be doing a mini astrology series for myself to build my aesthetic as part of a new series I'm doing for me on my other account @allureasdiary. Any who let's get this show on the road (p.s I am still on hiatus but I couldn't quit thinking about doing this for me)

Jupiter

This is a planet that nit only shows expansion but also can symbolize the husband. So first we're gonna look at my natal chart.

1. I have jupiter Scorpio in 14°(taurus degree) 1st house since I'm a Scorpio ascendant. My husband may have Scorpio, taurus and/or Aries placements.

2. My jupiter persona chart I have jupiter 26° (taurus degree) 2nd house. Once again my husband may have Scorpio and/or taurus placements. I have a heavy 2nd house stellium in my jupiter persona chart as well with the sun, Mars, venus, mercury and jupiter all there.

3. In my jupiter persona chart I have groom asteroid in leo 23° (aquarius degree) in 11th house. My husband may also have leo and aquarius/Uranus placements.

4. Ironically my groom asteroid squares jupiter in my jupiter pc, trines my pluto in jupiter pc and conjunct my saturn in jupiter pc. My groom asteroid also sextile my libra ascendant in jupiter pc. (If anyone knows, I'd love interpretation on this part).

Groom asteroid

The groom asteroid is exactly as its name, it gives insight on who your groom/husband may be.

1. My groom in my natal is in cancer 29° (leo degree) 9th house. My husband may have cancer, leo or Sagittarius placements. Also I may potentially meet my husband somewhere of higher education like college or somewhere out of my homeland. He also may be foreign since 9th house is travel (hence Sagittarius and jupiter).

2. In my groom asteroid persona chart, the rising is Scorpio 18° (virgo degree). My husband may have Scorpio and/or virgo placements. I also have moon scorpio 5° in 1st house in groom persona chart so he may also have cancer placements, Aries placements and/or once again leo placements.

3. The sun in my groom pc is cancer 29° 9th house just like how it is in my natal chart. So he will probably have cancer, leo and/or Sagittarius placements.

3. The groom asteroid in my groom gc is in virgo 25° (Aries degree) 11th house. My husband may have placements of virgo, Aries and/or aquarius/Uranus.

4. The venus in my groom pc is in virgo 2° (taurus degree) 11th house. My husband may be a romantic lover since taurus is a venus sign,he may be someone who uses words of affirmations as showing love since virgo is a mercurial sign. He may also carry slightly more feminine energy or may attract feminine/female friends. We could also potentially meet through friends and/or online. I think 2° is a wealth degree so he may also get rich and/or be wealthy through networking since 11th house = socials, networks, connections, etc.

5. My MC in groom pc is in leo 24° (pisces degree) he may possibly be a very artistic husband. He can have a job such as painter, model, entertainer, singer, etc. But he may also work with children or be around children alot so maybe a teacher of some sort.

6. My 7th house in groom pc has taurus with Mars in taurus 19° (libra degree) over it. Mars rules sex appeal so he may be a very sensually appealing person. Taurus also rules over neck so he may have a very sensual voice of some sort, the pluto in my groom pc also falls in 2nd house so this adds to my theory. Jupiter also falls in 2nd house so he may have a foreign sound to his voice maybe an accent or certain dialect. Ironically in my natal chart I have taurus 7th house but I have no planets there LMAO. Also the mercury in groom pc is in cancer 9° so his voice may be soft and/or gentle since mercury can rule over voice.

7. My groom pc has a few fame degrees with the cancer sun being in 29° which is ruled by leo and means long term fame but it is also a karmic degree. The groom pc has Leo MC. The moon is in Scorpio 5° which also indicates fame tho short term and since it falls in 1st house his beauty could be what makes him famous. The Juno in groom pc is in libra 17° which is also ruled by leo like the other 2 degrees and it falls in 12th house, the 17° also equates long term fame. The cancer vertex in groom pc is in 11° which rules over Socialite/influencer kind of fame so he may be a influencer of some sort in cancerian things (all theory).

Vertex persona chart

Finally for the vertex, some people say this are things that may be fated to happen.

1. My groom asteroid in vertex pc is in virgo 17° 2nd house. He may have Virgo, taurus and/or leo placements. Also may be famous.

I'm well aware aspects matter for all of these but I'm not 100% comfortable showing my birth charts to everyone. If you are good at interpretations I will send them to u to gain some insight. Other than that, that's all darlings 🌸🌸🌸

[hidingoutbackstage]

Still in shock that they took all the songs down BECAUSE??? IT JUST LEAVES US WITH MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS???

I KNOW?? Like okay here’s everything weird about the situation because it’s only 7 am I feel like I need lay it all out to process this. So, timeline time I guess! (I combined several images into one a few times bc of Tumblr’s 10 image per post limit but I hope everything still makes sense)

Starting January 5, the Ever After High Spotify (and Apple Music I guess although I was only checking the Spotify) began posting songs as singles. The first was called “Can’t Get Me Down” which had a screenshot of Raven from the episode “Rebel’s Got Talent” as the album cover.

Following that, two weeks later, on January 19, we get a song called “Unbreakable” which also has a screenshot of Raven from the show, from the “The Tale of Legacy Day” episode. At this point the songs are gaining attraction because what the heck, Ever After High content in 2024? Is it coming back?

People are also pointing out that Mattel renewed their licenses for some Ever After High stuff, but also companies do that all the time and I think they did it specifically for their webisodes so that they couldn’t be reposted/reuploaded to YouTube or whatever by a party that wasn’t them. It makes sense (Also I can’t actually verify which if any things they did actually renew because all I heard was people claiming that I never saw any proof)

Also at this point, both songs have given Allison Bloom composing credit, which fans thought made sense since Allison Bloom was also a composer on Ever After High content before

ONE week after “Unbreakable”, instead of two like last time, on January 26, we get the third song, Destiny, with a screenshot of promo art for the Epic Winter storyline of Briar, Crystal, Ashlynn, and Rosabella. Once again, composing credit to Allison Bloom. People are so confused, lots of people are reaching out to Mattel’s social media trying to make sense of it all. Also this song in particular had the trademark misspelled as “Ever Aftert High” which could be the reason for something happening later

Actually, before Destiny was released, someone on Reddit apparently got in contact with Bloom and asked if she had any insight as to what was up with the songs, and Bloom said, “I honestly don't know because I am not currently working on the project. Your note was the first I had heard of it. Wish I had more to tell you!” which led people to suspect Mattel was making AI generated songs but using Bloom’s name to release them, possibly because they still had a contract with her (though that is purely speculation)

Same Redditor also emailed Mattel customer support, who gave a very corporate response, but in their email used the phrase “AI-generated songs uploaded to the EAH Spotify list” blatantly calling the music AI generated in this email

One week after “Destiny”, on February 2, we get “Brand New Day” which is another single with another screenshot from the show as the cover, this time of Crystal Winter from the Epic Winter episodes

Three days after “Brand New Day”, on February 5, people realize that “Destiny” has been taken down, but ONLY Destiny. Some speculate this is due to the typo in the trademark upon release. The rest stay up

One week after “Brand New Day”, on February 9, the song “Forever Friends” with art of Raven and Apple as the cover is uploaded

Later that same day on February 9, “Forever Friends” and all the other remaining songs, “Brand New Day”, “Unbreakable”, and “Can’t Get Me Down” have all been taken off the Spotify (and Apple Music) list

[wildissylupus]

Kiriko Interaction Rewrite

Ok time to re-write Kiriko's interactions cause I am so tired on how she's treated in game (thank you @kindasketchysideblog for giving me the push to do this). Now for context I am going to refencing Kiriko's out of game material and using my own HC (mainly the basically canon that Kiriko is 26) for these interactions, I will also be referencing a post I made previously on who Kiriko should be interacting with . I will also be including the interaction I think should stay in the amount of interactions I think that character should have with Kiriko.

Anyway, let's get into it;

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Hanzo (5, keeping all original interactions)

Hanzo: You may have been Asa sensei's daughter, but I was her favourite student Kiriko: OK mama's boy Hanzo: I am sorry for what you and your family have had to sacrifice for my mistakes Kiriko: Well.... at least your here now, so that's got to count for something. It's better then what's Genji's done Hanzo: Aren't you being a little too hard on him? Kiriko: You both left us helpless, at least you had the decency to look back

With Kiriko's original interactions with Hanzo the only one I would really change is her interaction about Hanzo picking back up the sword. Specifically I would have the tone of it changed to imply what Kiriko is actually saying is that he's still no more honorable then the day that Hanzo killed Genji and abandoned the clan. Honestly my bigest complaint about a lot of the interactions I kept is just the tone.

As for the new interactions I made I wanted to give her ones that mirrored her development in "Where Honor Lives" along with pointing out that out of the two brothers Kiriko would be more mad with Genji. I also wanted to give her one interaction with Hanzo where they're joking around and not her being mad at him.

----------------

Genji (6)

Kiriko: You know, I shouldn't be surprised that you never came to help. You were never the responsible type Genji: You know I never wanted to lead the Shimada clan, I never wanted that life Kiriko: You still had the duty to understand how everything worked! If you did then maybe the Hashimoto wouldn't be killing people on the streets! Kiriko: I see you got a new sword, it's not one of my fathers Genji: No, the agents at Overwatch reversed engineered my old one after it broke Kiriko: It's well crafted, but I'd still call it a cheap imitation Genji: Heh, you sound like your father Kiriko: You had the rescores in Blackwatch to help us, why didn't you ask them to help?! Genji: My judgement was...clouded during my time with Blackwatch, I wasn't in a state to help Kiriko: What about after? In Overwatch, after Overwatch, after Shambali.... why didn't you ever come to help? Genji: How is Hanamura and Kanezaka? It's been so long since I visited. Kiriko: Rikimaru was robbed a few months back Genji: Oh um... Kiriko: Don't worry, your cowboy friend stopped the robbery, he's been around a lot actually Kiriko: Heard you payed Hanzo a visit, was I not worth the same effort, anija? Genji: There wasn't enough time to find you Kiriko, I needed to join the recall as soon as possible Kiriko: Was it a matter of time? Or were you just too afraid to face me? Genji: Your using your mothers maiden name? Why? Kiriko: The Hashimoto were after me so I needed to change my name Genji: Oh. I'm sorry Kiriko: Had to legally change my age too if your curious.

I don't like any of Genji and Kiriko's in-game interactions. We could of had some insight to both of their characters along with a more complex look at Genji's character in general, but we didn't. Instead we got a bunch of jokes that feel like they've been ripped out of the MCU. With the rewrite of these interactions I wanted to make even her casual interactions with Genji hostile. I also wanted to imply that Kiriko found out Genji was alive awhile ago, hence the mentioning of Blackwatch, Overwatch and the Shambali.

I also wanted Kiriko to be a window to Genji's life pre-Blackwatch, initially the first interaction was going to mention Genji being a party boy but I traded that for a more subtle interaction.

----------------

For Sombra, Ana, Lifeweaver and Pharah I think her interaction with them a perfect, specifically with Sombra, I personally love that interaction. With Pharah however, you need to change the tone of her "what's right isn't always what's legal" interaction, making Kiriko a lot more bitter towards Pharah. With Ana and Lifeweaver it's the same as Sombra.

----------------

Lucio (3)

Kiriko: Don't you ever get tired? With being a revolutionary and a world famous DJ? Lucio: Do you ever get tired of being the leader of a gang and making sure the civilians around you are safe? Kiriko: I don't think those would count as the same thing... Lucio: I do! We're both protecting and giving people hope, you're just better at hiding in the shadows! Kiriko: Not gonna ask me what my favorite animal is? Lucio: I mean... it's kind of obvious, and you probably would have said something like "really? take a guess" Kiriko: But it would have been funny! Lucio: For you! Kiriko: I heard one of your songs playing on a Hashimoto party boat Lucio: Ew, that ain't right! Did you sink it? Kiriko: Absolutely, can't have a group of suppressors disrespect a revolutionary like that! Lucio: Damn straight!

I wanted to make Lucio and Kiriko to have a lot more of a mutually teasing dynamic as looking at their interactions in-game interactions it seems a lot more one sided in Kiriko's direction. I also wanted to explore the idea that they both are technically revolutionaries, just on different scales with slightly different enemies. In general, like all of Kiriko's dynamics, in-game this one goes underexplored. I also wanted to play with the idea that though they do have similar attitudes, Lucio is a lot more positive then Kiriko.

----------------

Soldier 76 (2)

Soldier 76: Aren't you a little too young to be on the field? Kiriko: I'm pretty sure you a little too dead to be on the field Soldier 76: Excuse me? Kiriko: You heard me

Kiriko: Do you know how much damage Overwatch and Blackwatch caused by taking down the Shimada clan? Soldier 76: We did what we had to, the Shimada were criminals Kiriko: You left us with no protection, you didn't even bother to come back to clean up your mess Soldier 76: I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand

Kiriko is the one playable character the was only negatively effected by Overwatch and I wish that was explored more. Especially with characters like Jack. In all honesty I think Soldier 76 would be one of the character would be the most hostile around, especially with his "they were criminals" mentality.

----------------

D.Va (3)

D.Va: Rabbit and the Fox, an unlikely duo! Kiriko: Well who else is going to keep up with a rabbit when it rushes into the backline? D.Va: How do you stay so calm in a fight? Especially when you have so many people look to you for answers Kiriko: I've been at this for a long time, and I probably had some of the best teachers when it came to leadership D.Va: Everyone on my team depends on me, I'm the best piolet we have so they expect me to know what to do but sometimes..... Kiriko: Hey, your already doing great, you give your people protection and hope. You should be proud of that! D.Va: Heard your not a stranger to the arcade. Wanna play later? Kiriko: Sure, but I do warn you, I don't loose easily. D.Va: Neither do I, bring it!

D.Va and Kiriko's dynamic has the same issue as Lucio, with the added bonus of Kiriko calling Hana "bestie". If they're supposed to be fast friends then actually show that! Don't just have one voice line saying it.

----------------

Cassidy (3)

Kiriko: Haven't seen you in awhile cowboy, how have you been? Cassidy: Catching up with some old friends, what about you? Still causing trouble? Kiriko: What else would I be doing? Kiriko: Did you know what would happen after you took down the Shimada clan? Cassidy: In my line of work with my background it's impossible not to, no one listened to me when I said we were going in too fast. Kiriko: At least you've been trying to help fix it, that's more than what I can say for your "friends" Cassidy: Even then I'm sorry for the damage I caused, I should have tried harder to stop it Kiriko: Been awhile since we fought together, you planning on getting covered in noodle's this time? Cassidy: Depends, you planning on blowing your cover this time? Kiriko: Those trays came out of no where! Cassidy: And those noodles came out of no where, your point?

I've talked in detail on why I want Cassidy and Kiriko to interact and why I want them to know each other before she joins Overwatch. Mainly from the noodle robbery. The problem is a lot of the dialogue I want them to have is more then 4 lines. Other than that I really think Kiriko and Cassidy should interact, he's the only Overwatch agent who is shown to regret what happened in Hanamura, not only that but he's the only one shown stopping crime from happening there. He was also directly involved with what happened to the Shimada clan. The reason why I focused on more relaxed interaction between them is because I have already given her a lot of serious interactions. That and again, a lot of the interactions I have for them are longer then 4 lines of dialogue.

----------------

Illari (1)

Kiriko: You shouldn't sacrifice your morals just to seek redemption

Illari: What would you know of sacrifice

Kiriko: A lot more then I'd like to

----------------

Reaper (3)

Kiriko: You know, paitence is a virtue Reaper: Excuse me? Kiriko: You just seem like the type of guy to rush into things and create a power vacuum, but hey, what would I know Reaper: Just listen to orders and we won't have a problem Kiriko: Listening, that's funny coming from you Reaper: What? Kiriko: A good leader listens to the people they are leading, who they are protecting, but when have you ever done that? -Team Kill via Combining Ultimates- Kiriko: Ugh, that felt so wrong Reaper: We won, get over it

----------------

Moira (2)

Kiriko: Ugh, you look cheery Moira: As cheery as you are significant Kiriko: That would mean your at least a little cheery, I would your cheeriness is of the same level as your success rate Kiriko: You know, you do a lot more damage then healing, though I guess that's expected from someone like you Moira: Oh? Done some reading? Prey tell, is it the "crimes against nature" and Talon hiring status? Kiriko: Neither, it's the ex-Blackwatch agent record. Moira: Well, that certainly is new.

----------------

Mercy (2)

Kiriko: Does it ever get easier? Trying to fix others mistakes, telling other that the path they're going on will only lead to more pain? Mercy: I don't think it does, but that's part of being who we are. We can only hope that what we leave behind is better. Kiriko: Did Genji ever...talk about me? Mercy: Not to me no Kiriko: Figures, guess if he was too afraid to face me he wouldn't want to mention me either Mercy: Don't say that yet, he might not have mentioned you to me but he might have mentioned you to Cole or Lena.

----------------

Doomfist (1)

Doomfist: You seem familiar...are you Asa Kamori's daughter? Kiriko: Yes....why? Doomfist: I knew your mother, she was a rival of mine when I did martial arts, she beat me once. It's a shame that we never got to have a rematch Kiriko: Interesting, she's never mentioned you

----------------

I'm gonna start here cause you can probably tell when I started loosing energy for this. I'll do a multi-interaction rewrite some other time but for now this is it.

[circuses-and-childhoodtrauma]

Teen Dad Drex?

With the new developments with Drex, I decided to go back in my notes and find an old timeline that I had of his age and how it corresponds with the story and I added in the details of Lil Dynamite as well so that we may see how his birth lines up with Drex’s age. It takes quite some work but I hope it’s insightful and that I explain every decision I made properly. If there’s anything anyone else would like to add lmk! Also warning this is a p long post

So I believe the easiest place to start is Drex’s debut in season 3 episode 6 of Henry Danger. This episode featured a 15 year old Henry and a 35 year old Ray. In this episode, Ray reveals that he had a sidekick (presumably his first) 9 years prior. Now, our next few pieces of intel must be inferred from things we know about the show. By looking at the ages of all Ray’s featured sidekicks, it is inferred that Drex would also be a teenager at the time of working with Ray. When asked about Drex, Ray says that they only worked together for some months. Though he does not specify, he adds that they never fought crime together. 

–Now, my personal headcanon is that they were together for maybe 6ish months and that time was spent training (I believe it was so much training and so little trust that contributed to Drex turning on Ray) (I also believe that the reason Drex never got a hero name is because he never fought crime and therefore was never debuted as a sidekick, [like the Danger Force kids in S1E2 of Danger Force, Say My Name], as far as I’m aware it is never even known to the public that Captain Man had a sidekick before Kid Danger)– 

Another thing we know about Drex is that his time as a sidekick ended in a huge battle between him and Captain Man, one that, according to Ray, would have resulted in his death had he not been indestructible. So for the sake of that accuracy, I will put Drex on the older teenage side, farther into puberty and more grown into his physique. As such, my belief is that Drex joined Ray in at late 16, turned 17 during their partnership, and was 17 when they fought. This is also a contributor to his story, as it is more likely for Drex to be tried as an adult in court, making it more reasonable for him to be sentenced life in prison (although I’m sure Swellview would not hesitate to incarcerate him no matter the age given their weird laws). 

Assuming Drex was 17 at the moment of incarceration, 9 years passing would make him 26 in Hour of Power, 28 in the Henry Danger finale, and 31 in season 3 of Danger force. (Each season seems to pass a year-ish, although season 5 of Henry Danger is an outlier given how many episodes it has, I will still count it as a year to save the headache.)

With Drex’s age out of the way, we can turn to the newest variable of our timeline: Buddy Fudgers, aka Li’l Dynomite. As far as I am aware there is no canon age for Li’l Dynomite mentioned anywhere in the show, however there is a point of interest that we can use. In the 2022 crossover between Danger Force and a number of other shows, Li’l Dynomite’s true identity is implied to be a character of the same actor named Fisher. This is later disproven, but the implication gives us the assumption that these characters are the same age. I chose to use this information rather than the actor’s age to fit in the story better (Danger Force characters are also younger than their actors). Fisher is 14 in the 2022 finale of Side Hustle, so we can assume that Li’l Dynomite would be the same age, making him 15 as of season 3. 

Doing the math, Drex was ~16 years old when Li’l Dynomite is born, meaning he was 15/16 when Li’l Dynomite is conceived. This could happen during or around the time of his partnership with Ray, and it is safe to assume so far that he did not know about this child at least until after he was sent to prison. 

I have included a visual timeline if this was too hard to follow, along with some other character’s ages that coincide. Feel free to use this information as you please, just try not to discredit the work and research it took to work it all out on paper 😭

If you got this far, here is a sketch I did of sidekick Drex as a treat!

[lisbeth-kk]

December moments

Prompt used in this chapter: Boxing Day

It’s time to go home, but the train doesn’t meet Sherlock’s demands when it comes to speed. For quite some time he wishes he lived in Japan and could rely on the Shinkansen to get him home and into bed with John in minutes instead of hours.

December 26

There had been some blurry eyes at breakfast on Christmas Day when John told the other Holmes’s about the engagement. Mycroft just lifted an eyebrow and gave them both a knowing look that suggested they hadn’t been that silent in the shower after all. John was too euphoric to care and didn’t even blush. Sherlock on the other hand got a tinge of pink on his cheekbones, which John ached to kiss, but he stayed decent, just squeezing Sherlock’s hand and interlacing their fingers. 

John had urged Sherlock to tell his family about the upcoming trip to the north, to get the attention away from innuendos about their passionate encounter. 

Sherlock’s parents eagerly told them about their honeymoon to the Norwegian city of Tromsø, where Mrs. Holmes also was to give a few lectures at the university. 

“Of course, she was,” Sherlock muttered under his breath. 

“We married on New Years Eve and left for the north two days later. It was -25 degrees for the entire week, and we saw the northern lights every day,” Mr. Holmes said dreamily. 

“Did you know this?” John asked Sherlock when they’d eaten. 

“I did not,” Sherlock admits, still awed and puzzled by this new insight about his parents. 

After a late breakfast on Boxing Day, Sherlock and John packed their bags to return home to London. The former was taught as a violin string, eager to experience what awaited him once they got inside 221B. Just thinking back to John’s promise on Christmas Eve, of what he would do to his fiancé, made Sherlock’s brain buzz and his body sing. 

***

“Do you regret leaving your family home?” John asks after they’ve found their seats on the train. 

Sherlock looks at John like he’d asked him if he wants Anderson to be his best man, and it must show on his face, if John’s chuckle is any indicator. 

“You just seem anxious and a bit agitated,” John explains. 

Sherlock huffs and rolls his eyes. 

“This train stops at every station, John! It will take us ages to get home.”

“I see,” John purrs and lets his eyes roam over Sherlock’s body, lingering on his groin. 

Sherlock growls in frustration and squirms in his seat. His trousers are getting uncomfortably tight around aforementioned area. He can’t decide if he’s pleased or irritated that the train is so crowded, but in the end sets on the former. It would’ve been far too tempting to crowd in on John if there were more space around them. 

For the remainder of the train ride, John has an amused look on his face. He has obviously observed Sherlock’s discomfort, and Sherlock’s unable to tell if John’s in a similar state. John’s so good at hiding his expressions and bodily impulses when they’re in public. 

John leans forward, placing his hand on Sherlock’s knee and murmurs something under his breath. At first, Sherlock’s not able to decipher the words, because his senses are distracted by the warm and tingling sensation John’s hand on his knee has on him. John repeats himself, and squeezes his knee for emphasis, which gets Sherlock’s brain working again. 

“Deep breaths, love.”

Sherlock inhales and exhales like his doctor ordered and feels some of the tension subsides. He lets his hand rest atop of John’s for a few seconds before he leans back in his seat and gazes out of the window, realising that London Bridge is the next stop. 

***

Sherlock tosses their bags haphazardly to the floor and shrugs out of his coat in seconds, before turning to face John who stands at parade’s rest looking expectantly at him. Sherlock’s mouth is dry, and he feels tension building in every limb and nerve ending. 

“What do you want, love?” John asks so softly it contradicts his stance.

Sherlock closes his eyes relieved that John lets him choose. 

“Just you, John,” he whispers, anxiously searching John’s face for any displeasure. 

“Come here, fiancé.”

John opens his arms and Sherlock stumbles toward him, burying his face in John’s neck, inhaling the scent there, which always grounds him. 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” John tells him. “Captain Watson can wait. Tonight, I just want us to be Sherlock and John.”

“How did I get this lucky, John?” Sherlock mumbles into John’s skin, placing warm kisses wherever he can reach without moving away. 

John pets his hair and Sherlock relaxes completely with just a hint of arousal tingling in the outskirts of his consciousness. 

“Let me take you to bed, Sherlock,” John whispers in Sherlock’s ear. 

“Yes, fiancé,” Sherlock retorts, and follows John down the hallway with blushing cheeks. 

Read it on AO3

@totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @a-victorian-girl @phoenix27884 @safedistancefrombeingsmart @raina-at @gregorovitchworld @topsyturvy-turtely @sabsi221b @helloliriels

[trivanvanile]

I know people like the idea that the Ratgrinders are min-maxers but like, so are most of the bad kids.

Lou is playing one of the most battlefield disruptive martial combos. Fabian hit an AC of 26 in one fight, while dishing out a very high damage with his mini-smite from Fandrangor. (He had second most damage output in The Last Stand as well, and made the Roper miss everyone else with the goading attack.)

Emily is playing a Bard-Hexadin, and will probably be taking a new Bard Subclass soon to reflect her combat style change. Worth noting, she did over double the damage of any other bad kid in the Last Stand, even without the crit Adaine gave her. (Also Emily is a known power gamer, who makes multiclassing such a powerful thing. Sofie with her level (?) in warlock. Saccharina Frostwhip, Witch Queen of the Dairy Isles as a Tempest-Sorcleric)

Murph has also taken a switch to one of the more powerful rogue subclasses, but I’m not surprised given how hard Inquisitive sort of just falls apart. Haste on Riz was essential to his DPR.

Siobhan is just playing a wizard who hit her seventh level spell slot break point. As of now, Adaine might be the biggest target with her ability to change a battlefield, especially with a spell like Scatter.

I don’t have too much insight into Gorgug, cause I don’t really know what Barbificer does beyond what we’ve been given, which admittedly is still a ton of cool stuff.

And Ally has a Twilight Cleric who has consistently put out clutch heals, can hold double concentration (bet Brennan regrets the Teddy Bear), and easily shuts down an entire archetype of enemies (undead.)

I’m gonna do a different post speculating on the Rat Grinders cause this is kinda long as is.

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hi Sarah. I am feeling very unwell right now. I have always wanted to be childfree. For a while it felt like that meant no partner either and the pressure from my own mother has also always felt very suffocating. In recent years she has even taken to calling me brainwashed which feels like a knife in my heart and a complete disregard for my own identity and wants. I am 26 now and still don't want children and I met a partner who initially seemed not to want them either, but everytime we see a child now he says "don't you want one someday?" and it feels as if he is slowly trying to change my mind so one day I will. I love him so much, but this is taking such a toll on me. It makes me question if I should just compromise and have a kid in my thirties or leave someone who ticks off every box except that one? Did you ever face pressures like this? Does your mother respect you instead of treating it as an attack on her or making you feel that something is terribly wrong with you? Have you and your partner always been on the same page about it or was there ever a period of confusion like this? I understand if this is all too personal to answer explicitly, but I just felt compelled to ask you since you always have some beautiful insight and helping words for us (and you shine so bright).

Hi friend! Thinking of you - this is such a heavy thing to have weighing on your brain. It's a big and immensely personal life decision - it's a lot to figure out on your own and between yourself and your partner let alone all the added weight of the opinions other people in your life might have on this choice.

My husband (🥰🥰🥰) and I have always gratefully been aligned on our choice about what we want to do as a family and it was something established early on when we were dating. We also still do regular check ins (it comes up intermittently as some of our friends make the choice to have children and we gather to celebrate these additions to their/our lives or have their littles around as part of group events and dinners) even now. "It's so fun watching XYZ grow up - but I'm still confident in our decision to not have one of our own. Are you still sure?" / "Instead of kids, I'm really excited to adopt more cats with you" / "I like the life we've built with us and Allistor as a family. Are you still happy with that?"

My parents inquire about our choice every time I see them and my mom in particular doesn't accept my response about our choice. Despite having consistently given the same answer for at least 6 years - I imagine she still thinks I'm going to change my mind. I anticipate navigating our relationship in the next few years especially to be difficult and emotional.

All that said, there's a lot of nuance and highly personal feelings in this decision. People are absolutely allowed to change their minds about kids. People are absolutely allowed to be resolute and sure in their opinions (yes or no). One partner may be on the fence and the other may be so sure one way or the other and through personal discussions and conversations, you make a compromised choice based on what's right for the two of you. Regardless of where you land, you deserve the freedom to make the choice that you want to make and to be with a partner who respects and aligns with that choice (can confirm it is 100% possible) - and the intricacies of finding that alignment can be validating or devastating depending on where you each land.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful for you but I recognize and feel you on how immensely difficult this is. I wish you transparent, respectful and open conversations with your partner on this. I'm here for you!

[gozine-translate]

Terminally-ill Genius Dark Knight - 155

155. Dragon Heart

-----------------------------------

[Basic Information] Name: Astrid von Kaliud Gender: Female Age: ??? Race: Dragonkin Main Element: Flame Achievements: [The Four Sages] / [Descendant of Dragons] / [Survivor of the Canyon] / [Demon Slayer]

[Traits] Positive: [Genius of Mana Sensitivity] / [Master of Elemental Magic] / [Keen Insight] / [Fast Learner] / [Excellent Teacher] / [Tender Feelings] Neutral: [Meritocrat] Negative: [Sadistic] / [Lazy]

[Stats] Physical Strength: 21 Mana: 28 Luck: 7 Willpower: 26 Charm: 21

[Skills] Passive Skills: [Mana Affinity] / [Blessing of the Salamander] / [Dragon’s Scales]… Active Skills: [Prominence] / [Flames of Sin] / [Hellfire] / [Fire Enchant] / [Lie Detection]

-----------------------------------

Astrid von Kaliud One of the Four Sages and one of the strongest in the world. There are many titles to describe her.

For example, due to her specialty in flame magic, she's called [The Flame Mage] or [Master of Flame], etc. No one can rival her in manipulating mana, earning her the title of [Astrid the Magic God]. Of course, this title isn’t used negatively, you can say it confirms her talents and reputation.

I've met her several times already. To be honest, I’ve lost count of how many times I made her my master.

I feel there will be misunderstandings if I explain it like this, in the end, it was all just inside the game. Astrid, [The Flame Mage], is both a genius and an outstanding teacher. Unlike Noah von Trinity, who says vague things like, 'It just worked out for me?!', Astrid is a dedicated character who gives her best to ensure her students become the best.

Noah also teaches the player sincerely, but she’s on a different track from Astrid. Astrid is a character designed by the developers to be the perfect teacher.

'Of course, she might be a bit too obsessed with geniuses'

That's why I’ve been waiting for her to show up. I didn’t expect to meet Astrid this early, though. Noah had decided to help me to bloom my talent, so she brought her.

'She must’ve thought teaching me by herself was too difficult and uncertain how to make me stronger, so she called Astrid here'

In fact, before Noah, Astrid was once offered the position of dean at Eldain Academy. But she didn’t want to meddle with political battles. In the end, she became a character that help by occasionally giving lessons to talented individuals, just like now.

By the way, Professor Lars was trying to leave because he sensed the tense atmosphere, but he ended up stuck between me and the two of them. Professor Lars's mustache quivered slightly as he looked like he was about to cry.

'Serve you right.'

It’s a bit mean to say this since he is my instructor, but thinking about all the things he has put me through, such feelings have gone far away. Lars, You will understand too after experiencing a troublesome situation. So don't harass me anymore!

While I was standing, lost in thought, Astrid spoke to me.

"How did you know about me?"

"I figured it out myself."

"I see."

"Yes."

As if couldn’t grasp the situation, Lars kept looking back and forth between me and Astrid. Clearly not understand how a mere student like me could know her. He’ll definitely ask me about this later. Not that I’d give him an answer, anyway.

Then at that moment. Astrid’s faintly orange hair floated in the air, and her eyes glowed a brilliant color. One of Astrid's exclusive skills, [Lie Detection].

'A cheat skill that absolutely impossible to dodge… a different skill from the other four sages or three sword emperors. You can't even avoid it with acting skills'

That’s why I told the truth even in the situation where lying is fine. I really did figure out everything about Astrid on my own.

Anyway. Thanks to this skill, Astrid had wandered the continent, unable to find a disciple. Who could approach one of the Four Sages, reveal everything about themselves, and purely seek to learn magic? That’s almost close to an illusion.

By now, there may be people who have guessed what I'm getting at. Right. The first condition to learn magic from Astrid von Kaliud. You must earn her trust. No lies, and face her head-on. That’s the beginning and the end of it.

Astrid nodded, seemingly knowing that I wasn’t lying. That's fortunate for me. After all, I'm in a position where I need to become her disciple.

Well, nothing wrong with making a good impression

"I don’t want to talk too much, so just take it off."

I obediently took off my coat, just as she told me to. My body had trained nicely now, with lean muscles in the right places. Unfortunately, just as my strength has a limit, my muscle growth is limited too, so it's difficult to grow it to be bulky

'Still, I’ve worked hard to get this far, so I’m pretty satisfied.'

"Is this good enough?"

"Don’t ask when you already know. It’s annoying."

Astrid spoke with a yawn, full of tiresomeness. Then she lightly placed her hand on my chest, and blue mana began to form. Lars, seeing this, freaked out.

"Ah, Astrid-nim! Um, what exactly are you planning to do to student Nox? If I may ask for your intentions…?"

That guy… His voice was trembling slightly. It seemed like he was worried that I might die. Sometimes, he can be a nice guy.

Standing in front of two of the Four Sages and daring to ask about their intentions… that’s no small feat. Although, he probably just doesn’t want to lose his top student, who researched a thesis with him.

"To learn my magic, this is necessary. Move."

Astrid’s eyes, filled with indifference, stared down at Lars, who had somehow stepped in front of me. Unless Lars was truly terrified, he would not back down from this, and he’d definitely hold his ground…

"Ah! Yes, I understand. This is Astrid-nim's magic, one of the Four Sages, there's no way it could be dangerous! Haha!"

"No, He could actually die"

Astrid said that in a completely indifferent tone. Lars looked a bit worried but laughed it off.

"Haha, what a joke! While some knights might think mages are crazy, it’s not like anyone but dark mages would go out of their way to kill someone! Nox-kun, this is a great opportunity, so make the most of the dean’s kindness!"

…Coward. Lars quickly backed off, accepted it just like that. It seems his brain has made a compromise. This guy… I’m going to skip two of our research meetings later.

While I was plotting my small revenge, Astrid’s blue mana was slowly seeping into my body. Since Astrid was too lazy to explain, I pondered what I knew about Inner Lunatic’s magic, especially Dragon Magic which related to the Dragon language. What she’s doing now is the process of creating a Dragon Heart, the pinnacle of magic, the heart to use the highest skills in Inner Lunatic.

"Haa….."

A rough breath escaped me, and I unknowingly furrowed my brow. Even after I’ve adapted to this world, the feeling of mana squeezing my heart was unfamiliar. It’s not like there’s anything I can do about it, but still… I can't help but wonder can’t she be a bit gentler?

"Endure it. It’s annoying, so I’ll finish quickly."

"…Yes."

As expected, it seems all teachers in fiction are insane. I let out a sigh as I suddenly realized this truth again. A short, sharp sigh. Naturally, Astrid didn’t care at all.

-----------------------------------

Meanwhile, At the same time, Astrid herself was slightly surprised. It was because of Nox’s magical talent.

'He has way too much mana. This is going to take a long time to create the Dragon Heart…'

Annoying. It’s so annoying that I feel like I might die. But even so, why is it? Astrid had a fleeting thought that maybe, she might become a little interested in Nox if he managed to survive this ordeal. The reason was simple.

She thought to herself, with the amount of mana she was pouring into him? The chances of a mere 15-year-old, barely adult Nox surviving were less than 2%.

'If he really does survive, things might get interesting.'

Even with that thought, she just spoke in a flat tone.

"Endure it."

Dragons. They are the beginning and end of magic.

In normal fantasy novels, comics, or games, they are often described like this.

Inner Lunatic is somewhat similar. While dragons aren’t the originators of magic, they are still counted as one of the leading races in magic study.

'Furthermore, because they use a specialized language system called Dragon language, they handle magic with far more words than humans can express, making the magic stability high. That’s why in the later half of the game, using Dragon magic becomes a must.'

Basically, Dragon magic is unparalleled and inherently awe-inspiring.

Those who have transcended may occasionally wield magic comparable to that realm, but most mages can’t even come close, which proves just how extraordinary it is.

Also, there are several reasons why dragon magic is so powerful. but the biggest one is the Dragon Heart. In other words, the difference lies in the power engine that circulates mana within their bodies. Later, when you max out a mage build and grow your character close to the limit, you really start to feel it, but acquiring a Dragon Heart is a challenge that’s almost beyond imagination. But right now, it’s what I need most.

'Magic and Sword. The fact that I have genius traits for both is an overwhelming advantage over the others. If I can properly use magic while learning Luna’s Moonlight Sword…'

Naturally, I’ll be able to survive even when the first part of the game ends. If so, getting closer to the truth will be much easier.

That’s right. In the end, everything is about finding the answer.

My origin. Where is the truth hidden? Also, What is this strange possession leading me to, who am I…? For this, I have no choice but to grow stronger.

'…But heart isn't consumable goods, and there's no way you can just swap out it easily. In other words…'

"Argh!"

I felt a sharp pain shoot through my heart, and this time, I glared at Astrid, determined to quibble over this. Still, even if it's me, I'm not used to continuously enduring this level of pain. Just when I was about to speak.

An even greater wave of pain started constricting me.

If a moment ago, the mana flowing into me was just squeezing my heart, now it felt like a searing hot iron was carved something onto it. The shocking pain that I felt surged through my most vulnerable spot, sweeping me just like a tidal wave.

'At this rate… I think I will die…!'

Of course, I’ve never actually died after saying something like that. But I can't help but be frightened.

It feels almost like the time I collapsed while playing the game. The agony, spreading slowly like a deadly poison, reminded me of the pain I felt when I first got possessed in the game.

Haa… I took a few breaths, but even my breathing was shaking right now. Maybe it was too early to entrust my body to Astrid?

When a strong regret began to wash over me.

[The Dragon’s Inscription on player’s heart is beginning!]

Kohok--- Just as I coughed up blood and my vision started to blur. Though I couldn't quite hear the system message clearly, later, I’d realize why Astrid is considered the best teacher unit in Inner Lunatic.

The regret that had been tormenting me until then disappeared completely.

[The integrated item 'Dragon Heart' is being engraved to the player!] [Your ability to manage mana is greatly enhanced!] [Your Mana stat has permanently increased by 1!] [Your Physical Strength stat has permanently increased by 1!] [Your Willpower stat has permanently increased by 1!]

All stats increased by 1?

'This really is on another level.'

I realized it once again. … When it comes to magic, then from dragons.

As I reflected on that, I closed my eyes. I glanced over at Astrid for a moment, who was yawning, and watched Noah's cheerful expression and Lars's horrified face. Lars, I won’t let you off easy…!

Soon after, a deep sleep overcame me. I smiled faintly.

When I wake up, I’ll probably be quite different, no, very different from who I was before.

"Noah, it seems you picked up something useful."

I closed my eyes as I listened to Astrid's last words.