#also I acknowledge a lot of this may also be down to luck like me living in a bigger city or just being present when an event was pitched

[mitamicah]

hi! i would've sent this to your other blog but wanted to be on anon😅 but i wanted to ask how you keep finding these social/hobby events! like a songwriter open mic or that diary reading night. we definitely don't live in the same country but i wonder how you look for them in your case?

Hi anon - thank you for your question 🤗💚

Btw this reply got quite long so I've kept it under the line :'D

Maybe I should start by stating that I live in a somewhat big city - it is not the capital yet big enough so there's a lot of different events happening IF you know where to look - what I am trying to say is pretty much that I don't live in a rural area which might influence how convenient or not it is to find the events :'D

To answer your question let me give you three examples of how I've learned about specific events around my city:

I remember back in 2020-21 where I had been craving an open mic event but didn't think any existed until randomly an event popped up on my Facebook about this open mic once every month on a sunday. By putting myself out there and trying to go to one of said events I now have become a volunteer at said open mic event and so I'm attending pretty much every month to help set up and clean up the stage. The diary event and some poetry slam events I've attended have come about by me overhearing some people at the open mic considering to go and being too curious to stay behind - also the music group thing I was attending two weeks ago had left postcards at our open mic I then took with me home. Us volunteers also have a facebook group chat where we often speak about going to karaokes together.

2. There's this queer cafe event every month I got invited to in person by a friend. Through attending that event I've also learned a lot about specific pride events that the organisation is hosting (mostly pride related but also been to a free "queer" comic book course...). By tagging along to the one queer club in my city after the café event ended I've gotten introduced to even more cool events (trans support groups, karaoke evenings, rock themed bar days, book store visits etc.).

3. At one point a friend of mine tagged me in a post about the national asexual community needing some help for Copenhagen pride. I then contacted the organisation and ended up not only joining them at pride but entering the organisation - through being a member I've learned about meet ups for asexual people in my city and one of the most active people there is very nice to share links about upcoming events around the city of queer talks and the like. He recommended for instance a talk I went to about the overlap about being transgender and autism ^V^

So in short:

I have been finding these events mostly through

Social media (in my case Facebook) and word of mouth (either through people linking events, people in chats talking about going/advertising an event or friends directly asking me) ^V^ - And then of most important of all being curious and trying to go to events I am unsure about but sounds fun ^V^

[virtualreader]

broken hearts and healing souls – part 2

deanwinchesterxfem!reader

summary: a few days after the unexpected events that took place on the night of your biggest argument, Dean has a nightmare. And both of you are forced to face the feelings you had pushed aside.

word count: 2,1k.

warnings: nightmares, mentions of anger, kiss, regretful Dean.

part 1

a/n: you've been asking quite a lot for a second part for this fic, so here it is. I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending, but I still hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. also, as the part 1 was based on a song, i opted to base part 2 in another one — I’ll be good - James Young.

Another hunt, another city, and yet another sleazy motel room. But you and Dean still hadn't exchanged more than the essentially necessary words.

Ever since that night when you kissed, Dean had been ignoring you with perfectly applied silent treatment, as if you had turned into a ghost. Not that it was totally bad, a part of you preferred not facing the real issue.

Bringing the matter up would be like tearing off a scar, like reopening a wound that had never even closed. Blood would ooze from the raw, exposed skin, once again, and the pain would return, and it would hurt the same way it did when hearing those words escape his mouth: ‘this was a mistake’.

However, another part of you, though small yet present, longed for things to return to normal. To joke around with Dean again, like the time when he had made a hilarious impersonation of the local parish priest, and you had laughed until your stomach hurt. To get ingenuously mad with him for teasing you just because you were younger than he was. Damn, if you could go back in time you would have simply avoided that first argument altogether.

You stared at the ceiling, moisture stains here and there and the paint that once covered it, flaking off, revealing the rough surface underneath. Perhaps it had once been a grand and luxurious space, filled with beautiful furnishings and ornate decorations. But now, it was a shadow of its former self, a tired and worn-out shell of a room.

You should have known better. Hell, you did know better. You just didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he had no romantic feelings towards you and never could. You had become a part of the Winchesters' family a long time ago and grew up with them. Chances were Dean considered you his little sister. How could he be romantically involved with you?

I thought I saw the devil this morning Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue With the warning to help me see myself clearer

The quietness of the room was only interrupted by the occasional sound of a distant car passing by outside and the desultory barking of a dog nearby. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“What’s gotten into you guys?” had asked Sam the morning after the event, after noticing Dean’s unusual and dismissive behavior.

“None of your business, Sammy.” Dean had replied, not meeting your eyes.

You had tried to talk to Dean several times, but he would always find an excuse to leave the room or change the subject. It was like he was avoiding you, and it hurt more than you cared to admit.

Dean had always been like an older brother to you. You shared so many memories together, from hunting supernatural creatures to simply hanging out and joking around. But maybe, deep down, you wished for something more than just a sibling bond.

Trying to ignore the feeling of emptiness in your chest was hard if not impossible. It was like a piece of you was missing, and you couldn't find a way to fill the void. Knowing this would be the end result, you would never have kissed him.

You may have felt fortunate to find a motel with two available rooms, but your luck ran out when Sam claimed the one with a single bed for himself. So you were forced to share a room with Dean.

I never meant to start a fire I never meant to make you bleed I'll be a better man today

You let out a sigh, feeling frustrated and lonely. You didn't want things to be like this between you and Dean, but you didn't know how to fix it. You knew that you needed to talk to him, to tell him how you felt and try to work things out. But you were scared of what might happen if you did.

You heard a muffled sound coming from the other side of the room. You turned your head to see Dean tossing and turning in his sleep, his face contorted in pain. It was obvious that he was having a nightmare.

With a hand, you tossed the bedsheets along with the flowery comforter away, uncovering your body. You rolled your legs off of the bed and slowly yet surely moved to a sitting position. You tilted your head slightly and tried to take a glimpse of what was going on in the adjoining bed, but failed pathetically due to the scarce lightning.

Feeling concerned, you reached out blindly for the light switch. After a moment of fumbling, you found it and turned it on. The wall-mounted lamp flickered to life, casting a warm, dim light throughout the room. Dean's grimacing expression was now clearly visible, and you hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

“No! No, no!” he growled low, his teeth gritted. “No! Y/n!”

That you were not foreseeing.

You were taken aback by his outburst, not expecting it at all. What could he be dreaming about that would elicit such a strong reaction?

I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good For all of the times that I never could

Dean was sweating profusely. His breathing was shallow and ragged, and he was muttering incoherently. Waking him up seemed like an idea. Sure, you were mulish, but you were not some heartless monster.

You reached out and gently shook Dean's shoulder, trying to wake him up from his nightmare.

"Dean," you whispered, hoping that your voice would be enough to pull him out of his dreams. “Dean, wake up.”

He did not respond, and just as you were about to try again, he hastily sat up, his eyes wide, and his breathing heavy.

"Y/n?" he asked, his voice shaking. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," you replied, relieved to see him awake and alert. "Are you okay? You were having a nightmare."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, looking around the room as if he was trying to orient himself.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said finally, his voice still shaking a little. "It was just a bad dream."

Silence took over the place. You stared at Dean, and Dean stared at you, both waiting for the other to speak first. The tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife, and the eerie environment did nothing but add to it.

"Wanna talk about it?" you asked, sensing that there was more to his nightmare than he was letting on.

Dean hesitated for a moment, his eyes flickering over to you before returning to the floor. You could sense that he was struggling to find the right words to say, and as the silence stretched on, you began to feel a growing sense of unease.

My past has tasted bitter for years now So I wield an iron fist Grace is just weakness Or so I've been told I've been cold, I've been merciless

"It was about you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

The confession caught you off guard. You were surprised to hear such a heartfelt admission from him.

“Me?” You could feel your pulse quickening as you waited for him to continue.

"Yeah. I dreamed that the demon got to you," Dean continued, his voice still trembling. "That I couldn't protect you. And then...then you were gone."

You felt a lump form in your throat at Dean's words, and you instinctively reached out to place a hand on his arm. Yet, you kept a reasonable distance between the two of you, unsure of how this could alter your current situation. Unsure of whether it could bridge the seemingly unfathomable gap that separated your wounded souls.

"Dean, I'm right here," you said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

But the blood on my hands scares me to death Maybe I'm waking up today

The mattress dipped while you sat facing Dean.

"I know that," Dean replied, his eyes meeting yours for the first time since he woke up. "But...I don't know. It's like I can't shake this feeling that something's going to happen to you."

You could see the fear and uncertainty etched into Dean's features, and you knew that he was struggling with his emotions. It was hard for him to admit that he was scared, especially when it came to you.

But you also knew that you couldn't keep ignoring the elephant in the room. You needed to talk to Dean about what had happened between you, or you would never be able to move forward.

"Dean," you said, your voice steady but firm.

He looked away, his jaw tight and his hands clenched into fists.

"I messed up,” he uttered, deciding to address the matter before you had a chance to gather your thoughts. “I didn’t want us to end up like this.”

"I know," you said softly, your heart aching at the sound of his voice. "But we can't keep avoiding each other like this. We need to talk.”

Dean let out a sigh and his shoulders slumped, his entire demeanor reflecting the weight of the situation. Dean had always been good at avoiding his feelings, pushing them aside in favor of the mission. But this time, he couldn't do that. You both knew that it was time to stop tip-toeing around the issue and get to the heart of the matter.

"I was scared," he admitted. "Scared of losing you. Hell, I still am. That’s why I didn’t want you to go on hunts anymore."

Dean's voice was low and steady, but there was an underlying intensity to it that betrayed the depth of his emotions. He was laying it all on the line, baring his soul in a way that he had never done before.

I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should (oh-oh-oh) I'll be good, I'll be good (I'll be good, I'll be good)

Afraid he would retract on opening up to you, you did not dare say anything, instead you fixated your gaze on his glossy, green eyes, encouraging him to continue. He took your hand in his, and his eyes softened.

“I don't think about you as a kid. It's just that…when you love something, you protect it.”

Dean's words hung in the air, the weight of them almost palpable. He looked at you, waiting for a response, his heart pounding in his chest.

The walls around Dean's heart, which had once been so solid and towering, had finally come crumbling down, leaving him vulnerable and exposed. It was clear that there was no going back from this point, as Dean had decided to tear down his emotional barriers and reveal his true self. The honesty and openness that he was displaying left you feeling speechless, as if you were witnessing something truly special and rare.

“Please, y/n. Say something,” he said with his voice at the verge of breaking, when you did not say anything.

“You love me?”

“I can’t pretend anymore. You are everything, everything.” Dean finally confessed, his grip on your hand tightening.

For all of the light that I shut out For all of the innocent things that I doubt For all of the bruises I've caused in the tears For all of the things that I've done All these years, no, yeah For all the sparks that I stomped out For all of the perfect things that I doubt

You felt a warmth spread through your chest at his words, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. But this time, they weren't tears of sadness; they were tears of joy. You had wanted to hear those words for so long – even if it was not a straightfoward 'I love you' –, but you had never dared to hope that they would be true.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Dean uttered. "The idea of losing you, of ruining what we had, terrified me. You were always like a sister to us, and when I first felt something more for you, I didn't want to admit it. But I can't keep pretending that I don't feel this way.”

I'll be good, I'll be good And I'll love the world, like I should Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good For all of the times I never could

“Dean, I-I…” you tried to say, yet, the words got caught in your throat, the upheaval of the moment hindering your ability to vocalise something coherent.

Delicately, he reached out and carefully tucked a strand of your hair that had come loose behind your ear. His fingers lightly brushed against your skin as he cupped your cheek in his hand, his thumb tracing circles on your skin.

Dean looked at you for a long moment, his eyes softening as he took in your presence. You could sense the shift in his demeanor as the distress that had been etched in his features not five minutes before, had now completely vanished. His eyes seemed to sparkle with a new sense of calmness and peace.

Warmth blossomed in your chest, sparks igniting as Dean leaned in close, lips brushing together, tentatively, for the first time that night, though not the last.

His fingers danced through your hair, caressing the back of your head with the sweetest touch. His lips parted slightly, allowing your tongue to slide inside his mouth, and a hint of cinnamon and vodka mingled together, creating a unique and intoxicating combination that lingered on your taste buds.

Oh, oh-oh Oh, oh Oh, oh-oh For all of the times I never could

“I love you too, Dean.” you whispered in his ear, momentarily pulling away.

And, as you held each other, melting into the kiss, you both knew there was no going back to the way things were before.

@losa12308 – as you requested, I'm tagging you in part 2 (I'm actually thinking of making a taglist)

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Thank you for answering my Origins Dragon!Marinette and Turtle!Adrien question! Please don’t worry about disagreeing with the idea; I asked for YOUR opinion and analysis on why it would OR wouldn’t work, and that’s what I got. 😌 It also made me consider meta and in-show stuff that I hadn’t before, which is cool. You mentioned wanting all of the Kwamis to be part of some sort of set of two or more, and I’d love to hear what those sets are in your head going down the full Chinese Miracle Box list and why you’d pair them together with consideration towards both the Kwami themselves and their Powers.

(Post this ask is referring to)

Oh good, I'm glad that you found it useful and not discouraging!

Talking about how to pair the Kwamis is a little tricky because of an issue that I've discussed before. That issue being that the "Chinese" miracle box seems to be about as Chinese as fortune cookies. That makes me uncomfortable because - as far as I'm aware - the Chinese zodiac is a major part of Chinese beliefs and traditions. As such, I personally feel like the box should reflect those beliefs and traditions, but I also don't know those beliefs and traditions, so I can't tell you how I'd effectively group the zodiac Kwamis in order to honor their cultural origins. I can't even be sure if my criticism is valid or just me being overly cautious!

In an ideal world where I had money to invest in this sort of thing, I'd hire a cultural consultant to work with me to design a Chinese miracle box that feels Chinese (or to tell me that I'm overthinking this and to just do whatever I want). Assuming that I'm not overreacting, this would probably mean redesigning a lot of the powers and looks so that they honor Chinese lore and not Western lore.

For example, one thing that I know for sure is that black cats are not unlucky in China. They're actually symbols of good luck (all cats are), so a Chinese box would not have the implied good luck/bad luck thing that we get with Ladybug and Chat Noir. My limited research has also raised some doubts about ladybugs being a go-to symbol of good luck or creation in China, but I'm a lot less confident about that one being a bad choice as the association may exist. I couldn't find anything definitive one way or the other. This leads me to think that, if the association exists, then it's probably a bit obscure, meaning that a Chinese box would probably go with a different animal if we were trying to be culturally accurate to what a Chinese-inspired box would really look like.

I can say with reasonable certainty that Creation is associated with the masculine yang and Destruction is associated with the feminine yin, so Tikki should possibly feel masculine to feminine Plagg. At the very least, their spots in the miracle box should probably be reversed with Plagg in the black and Tikki in the white since yin is black and yang is white?

[Image Description: center of the original miracle box showing that ladybug earrings are placed in the black part of the yin yang symbol while the black cat ring is in the white]

I also known that white rabbits being associated with time, watches, and umbrellas comes from Alice in Wonderland and not China. Are you starting to see why I'm doubting the cultural accuracy of the miracle box?

The alternate way to approach this is to remove the possible issue of Chinese culture being treated as "mystical" or nothing more than ornamentation by making the Chinese miracle box into the miracle box of no specified culture. Since that's kind of what the box already is in terms of deeper meanings and cultural ties, I think we can go that route for this discussion since we have taken a moment to acknowledge the potential issues with the box's existing design and why that's leading me to take this route as - to me - this seems to be the only way to stick to canon's lore while avoiding potential further insults to Chinese culture.

If we went to my ideal extremes with this approach, we'd actually massively cut down the number of miraculous in the box because I think that there are way too many miraculous! Who needs nineteen "unique" powers to arm and fight one villain? This is extra true since there's no real theme to the miraculous beyond the initial setup of Creation/Destruction + five random powers followed by the addition twelve more random powers with no clear ties to any culture or theme other than the look of the Kwamis that grant the powers.

But that's getting real extreme, so for this ask, we won't go there. Instead, I'll talk about some general ideas for grouping the powers that we already have and some ideas for how you could fix the randomness of our current powers to make them feel like they make sense.

To start, I love the fact that our two main heroes are supposed to be a pair power wise. That's a lovely way to approach your lore and is why I think that they should have grouped the other miraculous, too. Why are Creation and Destruction the only set? Why aren't the others in any sort of group? Why do these miraculous have the powers they do? What ties them to this box and not another box?

There are a few ways to approach pairing the other miraculous. You can come at it from a theme perspective such as the fact that both the snake and the rabbit are all about time. You can also look for opposites such as the turtle being all about defense and the dragon being more about offense. You can even go more broad and say that a given group of miraculous is all aspects of one type of power such as the peacock, the goat, and the ladybug all feeling like aspects of creation. There's really no clear way to go about this because the current powers are so freaking random!

When I approach this stuff, I don't just come up with powers. I come up with the lore and let that help guide the powers or I shape the lore around the powers I want to use until both things make sense. For example, it makes sense that Creation would have some magical being guiding it. It also makes sense that Creation would either create Destruction for balance or that they both popped into existence together so that there was always a balance. Once you have that, you say, "Okay, what other Forces would these two want in order to help guide the universe? What can't they do or what do they do consistently enough that they might want to hand it off?"

Going from there, you start to come up with ideas like maybe they wanted Time to have a physical embodiment so that they could get some guidance on the long term effects of the things that they were making, so that's Fluff coming online. But Time is a lot and they liked their balance, so maybe Sass was brought online too in order to balance Fluff with Fluff being focused on what was and what could be while Sass is focused on what is, thereby giving Fluff someone to ground her. Or maybe you even add in a third Kwami to be some sort of historian who remembers the past while Fluff is the future and Sass is the now.

Another thought path is that most things are not pure Creation or pure Destruction. You must destroy to create. When you make bread, yeast consumes sugar to create air bubbles. Creation and Destruction working together. So maybe Tikki and Plagg wanted to make "children" who could do what they couldn't do solo and that's how we got the peacock?

No matter how you go about this, I really don't think that there's a great way to explain/group all nineteen miraculous, especially if you add in the eagle and Fei's wacky prodigious with it's animal abilities. It's just too random! But I do think that there's a lot of potential in strong subsets of the ones we get in canon, especially if you're allowed to edit the powers or the Forces a bit to make them fit their supposed Force or granted power better. I've talked before about how I'd mess with Lucky Charm to remove the odd Luck association and focus on Creation and that's what I'd do with most of the miraculous because, right now, most of them don't make much sense.

For example, Ziggy - the goat - is supposed to be the Kwami of Passion and that somehow gives the power to create anything you want? I know creatives are passionate, but that still doesn't fit in my mind. It would make more sense for this to be an inspiration power like the pig or for the Force to change to Creation and Ziggy is just a lesser ladybug for some reason? And Stompp - the Ox - is Determination, but I'd actually label his shield power as an aspect of Protection, making him in some sort of pairing with the turtle. Self defense verses defense of others?

In short, the canon lore is a disaster that needs major work to feel solid which leads to lots of paths for fixing the mess. In my opinion, the best way to go about fixing it is to take the element that worked best - the Creation/Destruction pairing - and expand that out to make strong, logical lore for the other Kwamis and their associated powers. Lore that probably won't be rooted in any one culture because no culture seems to be a solid match for the lore that canon is using, which is only concerning because of the current obvious associations with China and that's not even touching on the whole Tibetan monks + Chinese culture issue. Go check out the post I linked at the start for my thoughts on that which basically sum up to, "I am not even remotely qualified to talk about this one, but it seems like a terrible idea."

(Once again, reminder that I'm not Chinese or otherwise deeply informed on Chinese culture. I'm just a person who tries her best to respect other cultures and the miracle box sets off a lot of warning bells for me. Those warning bells could always be a false positive, so you shouldn't take my thoughts as some sort of final say on this topic. Please feel free to look into this on your own and form your own opinions.

If you are Chinese or otherwise educated in these topics, then please feel free to reblog this or send an ask giving me some additional context as I really do love learning about this stuff, but it's near impossible to research! I spent a good hour talking to a local librarian trying to find books or articles in our library that talked about the Chinese zodiac from an academic perspective and we found nothing. I've got a few interlibrary loan requests out to academic libraries in our library network though and I'll follow up on this if those books end up having information that adds to the discussion.)

[ladyiristheenchantress]

Magic for the working witch

Hello friends! I recognize this is a break from my current content series, however I have been working like a dog recently balancing university, work, social life, and medical problems so I felt inspired to talk a bit about the magic I do while working!!

To preface: I work 3 jobs total! one of them requires me to travel, One is a remote desk job, and the final one is a waitress! While I don't recommend this lifestyle, it is the one that I and many others have fallen into as life has unfolded. First of all, to all my hard working witches, you freaking matter dude. Your boss may not see how hard you work, but trust me you guys are hustlers! Its hard to balance a spiritual life with everything else going on but today lets tackle that!

How can I cultivate magic, even with work/school/etc?

First, we have to find where the magic is within us and this is easier said than done. In previous post I talk about magical frameworks and theories and this would be a good time to put this to use! I believe that magic is all around and within us, we can harness it at any time, enjoy it! Even simply reflecting on the magic in your heart can be enough to feel spiritually fufilled. We as humans like acknowledgement, and when we just simply reflect on the magic around us then we tend to feel more fufilled but that gets lost on us sometimes.

Got it! What ideas do you have for me?

Lets think about jobs for a second! We have all sorts of jobs out there, desk jobs, standing jobs, hard labor, etc. I believe there is magic for every profession, type, etc, but that is a looot of jobs. so lets narrow it down to the three types I have experience with!

Travel + Speaking

these jobs include teaching, public speaking, management, and more. These jobs often are a form of public service but require an element of writing, desk work, etc. It also is somewhat a form of authority in the aspects of people looking up to you for information, conflict resolution, and more. Usually this job has a commute, a level of strong responsibility, and traits like leadership and confidence are seen heavily.

Witchy ideas:

As you wake up, get ready, and commute, give yourself a pep talk as a form of glamour magic. Bonus points if you make it a chant

Enchant your toothpaste to help your words carry

Keep crystals like angelite, Rose Quarts, and Pyrite close

Create a weekly spread to give you insight into the week so you can prepare as needed

Wear bright colors for confidence

Wash your hair with the intention of unblocking flow of words, and making things run smoother

Public Service

Public service are jobs like waiter, bank clerk, and floor salesman. These jobs require you to be informational, polite, and taking on a lot of side work in the process. Your job is to get someone to purchase something and help facilitate that, resolve minor conflicts, and honestly team work with both your coworkers and customers.

Witchy Ideas:

When you can: Don't wear socks with your shoes. A lot of dress shoes and work shoes can have hygienic insoles, and this can help facilitate grounding!

Create an oil out of a carrier oil, basil, thyme, and rosemary and you get a general 'workplace luck' oil!

If you work for commissions: Eat a mint, tic-tac, or sugar packet before work to sweeten your words to customers and get more sales

If you don't work for commissions: Place Vaseline or lotion on your elbows and knees to facilitate swift work and smooth customer interactions

Carry obsidian, super seven, bismuth, or chrysocolla with you

Keep a 'talisman card' in your pocket, pick a tarot card that resonates with your goal for work. My go-to's are the queen of swords, king of cups, the emperor, and the magician

Remote Work

Remote jobs are any jobs that can be done at home, and after the pandemic these jobs became a staple so many companies kept the position. These jobs could be done day or night, internationally or locally, and so much more. The best traits to have would be organization, punctuality, and perseverance.

Witchy Ideas:

Maintain a home altar where you do work to induce specific energies

Before a virtual meeting discussing important personal goals, set up an online vision board of what you want

Have a prayer or chant ready during a project to help it move along

Create digital sigils to deflect crappy co-workers

Use Tigers eye, ulexite, and yellow calcite to help the work day

Leave a tarot card on your desk as a talisman.

If you guys need any tips, tricks, or questions feel free to leave them in an AMA or in the comments below! Thank You! Tip Jar

[sstormyskyess]

Hi there! I love your holiday prompts!! Could I please request 24 with Ghost and a female (or GN!) reader? 🫶❄️ thank you so much!!

Slippery Surface

author's note: yes you may anon! this was a cute one, i’m glad someone requested it! i hope everyone enjoys the first winter prompt request 💜 [side note: this is meant to be read as fem!reader but it honestly could be gn! as well]

cw: just fluff!

word count: 1100+

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader

You grumble to yourself, shifting a few of the bags you’re holding to your other arm. In hindsight, it might’ve been a good idea to do your mall shopping over two different trips. It also would’ve been nice if you had been able to anticipate the freshly frozen puddles of ice littering the parking lot and sidewalks, but so be it.

Your arms were starting to burn the longer you struggled with the hefty bags. You walked slowly, carefully, to ensure you wouldn’t slip on the ice; you’ve already had a few close calls, and the last thing you needed to cap off this hectic day was to break your damn tailbone right before you made it to the safety of your car. Not to mention all your items would collapse with you, some of them fragile and expensive.

Finally, you see the glorious sight of the car and you sigh in relief. One of your arms was shaking from exertion at this point, begging to be freed from the weight it bore. You make it to your destination and put everything in the trunk, stretching out your arms with a little wince. You take a moment to sit in your front seat and check to see if you got everything you came for.

Your shoulders drop as you make it halfway down your list. You missed one thing. You curse under your breath, leaning back in your seat and rubbing your hands over your face in an attempt to stop yourself from tossing your phone out of your window or some other such act of rageful aggression.

Then, you realize something. The one store you could get that last, pesky item was going to close soon. That has you shooting up and clambering out of your car to rush back inside and buy it before you missed your chance. All of the caution you had before was thrown to the wind as you dashed across the parking lot and back to the doors of the mall.

It was just your luck that there would be a sneaky patch of ice right on the edge of the sidewalk. You catch your foot on it and slip, falling forward and failing to catch yourself, landing on your shoulder with a rough ‘thud!’ You yelp in pain, squeezing your eyes shut to hold back the tears welling up in your eyes. “Ow, ow, ow…” You whimper, shakily turning over to try and get up.

A looming shadow approaches you while you’re in the process of standing up and you glance up. You’re met with the sight of an absolutely hulking man, dressed in a black layered leather jacket, the hood pulled up over his head. He has a black face mask covering the lower half of his face, only his piercing brown eyes revealed to you.

You blink, staring at him dumbly before acknowledging the fact he was holding his gloved hand out for you to pick up. You hesitantly take his hand and you squeak when he pulls you up with no struggle whatsoever. He lets you smooth your sweater down and fix your scarf before taking a good look over you. Didn’t seem like you were too badly hurt, luckily.

The air is awkwardly silent for a few moments before you clear your throat. “Thank you for the help, sir.” You scratch at the back of your neck, the embarrassment finally hitting you. He nods. “Of course.”

You glance between him and the doors to the mall, wringing your hands together. “Um—do you want to, uh… get something to eat at the food court—? Oh! Y’know, to apologize for making you help me up?” The man just stares at you for a few moments, a slight tilt to his head and a raised brow. Eventually he nods, allowing you to lead the way. He follows you inside and lets you take him to the food court.

It takes a lot of fussing, but you convince him to let you pay for his food and you walk with him to a free table, one of the very few available. He sits across from you and you start to eat your food, glancing up at him occasionally.

“So, what’s your name?” He suddenly asks, making your eyes shoot up to him. “Oh! Right, we never introduced ourselves…” You laugh bashfully, your face heating up. You tell him your name and he tells you his, ‘Simon.’ You smile. That was a nice name, you think to yourself.

Conversation flows well from then on, with you both getting to know each other better. You learn that he’s military, and that he’s on a short leave for the holiday season. You also learn he was spending his time alone, a fact that made you a bit sad.

“Do you want to do this again sometime before you leave again?” You blurt out, only fully registering your words after they’ve left your mouth. “I-I mean, only if you want to! No pressure—”

“Sure. What’s your number?” He says in that deep timbre, pulling his phone out and opening up his contacts.

You look back fondly on that fun little day, a nice distraction from the current stinging pain in your hip. “God dammit…” You groan, putting pressure on it in an attempt to ease the pain just a bit. Simon looked you over, a little chuckle puffing out from behind his mask. “Shut up, Si!” You frown, taking his hand when he reaches out to you to pull you to your feet.

He brushes some snow off your clothes, ruffling your hair and smiling at the cute little pout on your face. “You okay?” He wraps his arms around you, rubbing some soft circles into the hip you fell on. You huff, looking away from him. “I’m fine…” You mumble. He leans down to kiss you on the forehead, a silent apology for teasing you. You accept it, tucking your head against his shoulder.

“Gettin’ a sense of deja vu here, love.” He takes a glance over at the mall where you first met a couple years ago, where you were now going to do your holiday shopping again. “Yeah. Must be something about this terrible parking lot.” You pull away and instead take his hand, walking beside him through the sliding doors of the mall.

Simon squeezes your hand. “It’s not all bad. We met in that parking lot.” He chuckles, following beside you as you walk to the clothing store you frequent during this time of year. “Part of me is glad you fell on your arse,” he sees the offended look you give him and is sure to clarify, “a small part of me, promise.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Si.” You grumble, taking your hand from his and crossing your arms. He has a sympathetic look in his eyes when he wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you to his side. “Here, let me buy you something pretty. To apologize, y’know?” He smiles under his mask when you nod, pulling your scarf up to hide your smile. “It’s a plan then.”

𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[rosesradio]

the archive//pjo vigilante au

⚠️ long post warning ⚠️

for all intents and purposes, the gods were dead.

at least, that's what they want you to think--for their safety lies in a secrecy so strong, it leaves the mortals below with hardly any acknowledgment of them.

but what do you do when there are no gods, no explanation, and you one day find flames dancing along your fingertips, or shadows bending to allow you passage through darkness?

do you become a hero, the same way you would in any other universe? or do you use your abilities for gain, as you were left with nothing?

for all intents and purposes, the gods were dead.

but their demigod children were very much alive.

so this is an au i’ve not really talked about a lot—it was my side project, my “scrap fic” that was giving me a much harder time than my “main fic” (ivory rain).

It’s been giving me such a hard time, I’ve decided to “retire” the au, aka post it publicly. this is to open it up to conversation and opinions, as well as open my inbox to any potential asks or even drabble requests for any aspects of the au that spark an interest. this is not opening up this au for everyone to write. please do not take my ideas. i am positive i’m far from the first person to come up with a pjo vigilante au, so if that’s of interest to you, feel free to explore your own ideas for what that au would look like.

at this point, the main reason i am posting this is because i don’t see myself writing a full fic with it. i won’t say never—under certain circumstances and intense revisions i may piece something together, though it’s highly unlikely. i plan on sharing most of my ideas, though for the sake of exploration i will keep a few to myself (such as spoilers on who dies in my original concept, etc).

with that out of the way, let’s get into the meat and potatoes—the au itself:

warnings: grooming mention, homelessness mention

in this au, the gods have zero contact with mortals or demigods other than to perform their duties (such as Apollo with the sun chariot). in the event that they come down to interact with mortals to, uh…hang out (movie!grover voice: hookup!), they go by an alias, so no mortals know about the gods’ very real existence. like most things that suck, you can blame zeus for that one.

that being said, camp half blood does not exist. heroes must train relentlessly on the streets, seeking out others like them with no label for what they really are. the gods have been too weakened by the disbelief of mortals to do anything as monsters ravage the earth. the demigods must survive, form alliances, and protect the citizens of New York.

as the demigods don’t know they are demigods, they are labeled into two categories: “Empowered” and “Bugs”.

Empowered experience all the demigod symptoms with powers to match, and they are often revered as superheroes if they happen to use their abilities to defend mortals. Examples of Empowered include Percy with his water powers, Leo, Jason, etc.

Bugs also experience the symptoms of being a demigod, though they have no visible powers. these demigods are sometimes looked down on as “weaker”, and some debate if they even are special, or simply mortals with the bad luck of attracting monsters. Examples of Bugs include Annabeth, Luke, Reyna, etc.

the demigods are also in two different groups with rivaling ideals:

the vigilante side includes: Percy, Hazel, Frank, and Nico. This side believes that the origin of their abilities does not matter as much as using their abilities to protect the people.

the researcher side includes: Annabeth, Luke, Piper, and Leo. This side believes that the origins of their abilities/the mysteries of the monster attacks hold the key to stopping the attacks. They will do anything in their power, even breaking the law, in order to find answers.

the other side of town: in my mind initially, Jason, Thalia, and Reyna were staying on the other side of town, not getting into the rivalry in the city and just doing what they could to stay alive. this of course can & probably should be altered for other interesting dynamics. i probably would have to keep Thalia out of the main plot of Luke and Annabeth, but i’ll get into that in a minute.

now, for the dynamics & histories:

percy works with his mom at Sweet on America. He is moved out in this au, even though he’s still 16. He does this to protect his mom, though she is not a fan of the arrangement. he also protects the people under his blue mask, using the alias Riptide.

Percy and his mom also volunteer at a homeless shelter, where he met and befriended Frank when he needed a place to stay.

Hazel, Frank, and Nico live with Percy, using their apartment as a base of operations, like the teen titans. Hazel is known as Jewels, Nico as Necromancer, and Frank as Captain Creature (for the bit).

at one point, Nico and Bianca were on Percy’s team, until Bianca was killed on a mission. Nico then went off on his own, joining Luke & Annabeth & Piper in a quest to find answers and get his sister back. After a period of time on the researcher side, Nico began to have second thoughts on their methods and escaped. He was eventually welcomed back by Percy, though a slight distrust remains at Nico’s double-agent trip.

in an effort to bring his sister back to life, nico accidentally brought Hazel back. Hades, being too weak due to erasure and lack of mortal interactivity, remained unable to do anything about this (and perhaps he did not want to).

nico’s latest curiosity is the researchers’ newest team member, someone he’d never met while working with them. unlike most of them with their cheap eye masks, this newest member has an Iron Man level suit, as well as a knack for blowing things up.

———

on the researcher side, annabeth, piper, and leo live at luke’s apartment, working odd jobs to afford the rent. one side of the building was damaged in a monster attack, so they get a discounted rate (lol). also, leo fixes things for the landlord here & there to get a further reduced rate.

Piper first sought annabeth out in school, noting her as an award-winning academic researcher for their school. she offers her money and anything else she might want in exchange for finding her mom. this side quest helps a friendship form between the two, and eventually Piper runs away from home after a monster attack to live with her (much like Percy, she does this in part to protect her dad).

Leo is the newest member of their group, and he built himself what is essentially an iron man suit to do work for the researchers—“work” being things such as robbing banks, intense interrogations, etc. he knows who Nico is in and out of the mask thanks to his team already knowing his identity. He meets Nico when he saves him from a monster attack as Necromancer, and the two form a tentative friendship. Nico often visits him in disguise to talk to him (the researchers having moved apartments to stay undercover as nico knew their previous location), and Leo hides his secret second identity as The Inventor/Pyrotechnic/man of many names etc in order to glean more information from him…and also maybe get closer with Nico, what’s it to you 👀

Annabeth and Luke’s dynamic…sigh. this is where the darkfic vibes come in, cover your ears.

annabeth and luke have much of the same relationship as they do in the books, though over the course of this au, it takes a turn. Annabeth’s crush grows stronger and luke, seeing this, takes advantage of her trust and innocence. he grooms her into a romantic and (borderline) sexual relationship. now, seeing as she’s a 16 year old teenager and he’s a 23 year old man who practically raised her as an older brother figure, one might see how that’d be several layers of toxic & wildly messed up. but that’s darkfic for ya! this is why i’d keep thalia from meeting luke and annabeth the way she had in the books, otherwise she would hunt luke down for sport with all of us cheering in the background lol.

this arc also coincides the push by luke to become more violent and harmful in the research effort. Soon enough, it’s obvious that he is uninterested in research of a potential higher power. Instead, he wishes to eliminate all threats to his intention to rule over all demigods and establish his own system.

potential big spoilers aside, i planned on ending the au with both percabeth & pipabeth, where annabeth dates both of them (piper and Percy would probably be platonic, but i’d be open to them all three dating depending on how that dynamic would work). annabeth’s story ending with her healing, whether or not she “officially” ends up with better partners, is crucial for the kind of hurt/comfort i have in my fics.

i was also open to valgrace in this and kind of switching out jason in nico’s role, though it didn’t take long for me to realize it wouldn’t really work, and valdangelo is a better endgame narratively.

so, that’s all i have. terminology, history, dynamics. i have a handful of drabble-length scenes written, though i really wasn’t getting the right feel for them. i hope you guys like this au either way, and feel free to send me an ask about it if anything interested you. thanks for reading this far <33

[wraithdance]

The TF 141 Compatibility Love Report

For: @dwarvenagenda

Disclaimer:

This is based on my personal opinion and interpretation of you and the character.  the user makes no claims to be a real doctor or any medical professional. Please don't sue me! I got shook down by some girl scouts, they took my money and broke my knee caps. I have nothing but my illusions of grandeur left :(

The Doc says your TF 141 Perfect Match is…

Simon 'Ghost' Riley!

Romance: Unsurprisingly this was a no brainer for me! Romance with you and this scary murder muffin would be like two worlds colliding and merging into something so fundamentally right it blinds the rest of us peons. Simon is often misunderstood and labelled as a 'big bad'. As a partner you would be able to give him the space to put down his armor and be his unmasked self (doubly important because I do personally believe he is on the autistic spectrum.) The same would be said for you, given his protection of his family and his loyalty to his team, I don't think Simon would shy away from supporting you through even the hardest times. Mutual understanding and acceptance is the core of why I believe this is your perfect match.

Simon has weathered the torrential storms life has given him, he's not leaving you behind once he's got that collar on him and babes the leash you'd hold is but another string of fate. I specifically use dog analogies in reference for Simon because as humans a lot of us like to believe we are absolved of our primal natures with the emphasis on moral rightness.

Simon is someone who seems to embrace his more 'primitive' traits to be effective and cut through to the hard truths over politeness. To me, that means when Simon has his teeth in someone soft with gentle hands, he's in for life. In this dynamic physical connection would take precedence (with a bit of an awkward phase inevitably) and shared inside jokes would be the glue to a successful relationship. Romance with him is lazy days in bed at your rustic cabin or farm, taste testing recipes while music plays in the kitchen, playing footsie while checking in on your stardew valley crops.

Sex:  Please know that shit would be so good you'd need 800 years to write love sonnets about it. Sex with Simon would be the definition of dichotomy. Rough and primal, all teeth and tight grip, demands for acknowledgment of your life long (and beyond) connection. But also sensual and slow, wet lashes and heady kisses, sweetness that usurps the taste of candy. Either way he's taking care of you the whole time and he'll put you first. Def into freaky shit if you are! Get him comfortable with not having control and you can hogtie that man up and ride him like your life depends on it, if you so choose.

Possible points of Contention:

Trouble with communicating needs

may be insensitive about certain niceties

heavy handed with the petting (good luck to you and your pets lol)

Your Poly Pairing (haha) is…

GhostGaz- Pure bliss. Do I even need to tell you the vibes? In this poly pairing you would 100% be the ward to Simon's knight. Gaz would act as the charming diplomat and first point of contact for potential threats. But when shit hits the fan? These men work like perfectly oiled machines to get you all to the other-side. that goes for the way they'd flow in a relationship with you. Always pivoting around each other in an intricate dance to ensure the continued happiness of your lil love bubble. Besides who wouldn't want to wake up to the literal epitome of sour and sweet?

[imperatorrrrr]

Ooh for you WIP’s let’s talk: Good Luck Babe NicoJack 😏

okay, so this one is kind of the one thats calling to me the most, but its also very much unhappy ending/angst forever/sad sad sad...

I was with a friend of mine and Good Luck Babe by Chappell Roan was playing and they said that this is a NicoJack song, and it basically shifted my entire worldview and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for a month:

this will most likely be my first attempt at a Nico POV (scary!)

I'm picturing Nico at Jack's wedding probably as a groomsman reminiscing on their relationship as a final goodbye to Jack

I have to work out the timelines because in this 'verse Jack is very like following traditional hockey player paths re: marriage and kids, but I still see him getting married closer to his late twenties than his early/mid twenties.

and I still think Jack and Nico play into their thirties and play with the Devils into their thirties, so this is a world where Nico is still Jack's teammate even after he's said "good bye" to him

basically Nico and Jack are together in every sense of the word for years but Jack refuses to acknowledge them as a them even though they do everything people in a relationship do

Nico is out. Jack isn't, but that isn't an issue at all.

the issue is that Jack is trying to deny that he has any feelings at all for Nico and anything going on between them is romantic or means more than just two dudes being bros

there's gonna be a lot of internalized homophobia here, and none of it is going to be resolved

just kind of the dichotomy of Jack coming from this very big hockey family and wanting to continue this image of a hockey family versus Nico coming from a different background altogether

Nico being far more like open and grounded and self-assured about his queerness versus Jack being so confident about everything else in his life except for his sexuality and how it may be at war with how ingrained hockey is in his life and ingratiated he is within hockey culture

and Nico is holding out hope that maybe Jack will come around one day and waiting for Jack, but he doesn't

so Nico is finally closing that chapter in his life, gives a funny, charming speech at Jack's wedding has everyone laughing and tearing up and toasts Jack and his bride and walks away into the twilight

they'll go down in Devils history as bringing the Cup back to New Jersey and starting a brand new dynasty, but they won't go down in history as Nico and Jack. fated to be the two pillars of the New Jersey Devils, but not fated to be together.

I have been waffling about whether or not I'm going to leave it as completely unresolved and a completely unhappy ending or if I'll go back to it and add like an epilogue where they see each other again at like Nico and Jack's number retirement ceremony and Jack's finally ready to give them a chance and then it fades to black and you can kind of choose does Nico say yes, has Nico moved on, do they kiss, does Nico walk away, do they walk away together?

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi there, we were just wondering if you have any advice on figuring out the separations/differences between alters. We've been on-and-off blurry for like two months and we're pretty sure our regular host hasn't really been fronting much but our memory is kinda consistent between fronters and can make it pretty confusing to tell who we are/who's in front a lot. Thank you in advance, and sorry if we worded this badly :3

Hey, we actually have a couple resources which may help y’all figure out some differences between the alters in your system.

The first is this little template which has a few questions you can ask each other to learn more about one another:

We also have a post with some tips on discovering differences, and sometimes forging new ones, between alters or headmates. The post is kind of long, but it’s an in-depth explanation on how individualizing has worked for us in the past:

A bit of specific advice though…

If it’s kind of hard to tell who is fronting often, maybe try making a habit of jotting down or doing something particular in those moments when you do know who is fronting. This could look like updating a fronting history log, writing in a journal, wearing a certain item of clothing, or doing something specific that the current fronter enjoys (listening to certain music, eating a certain food, working on a certain project or hobby, playing a certain game, etc.). Making a habit of noticing and acknowledging whenever you do know who is fronting in the present may help making these distinctions easier in the future.

Good luck with this. I know our own system can be blurry a lot (a big reason why we stopped doing sign offs here haha) but in general it has gotten better with time and effort spent like, consciously acknowledging those moments when we do know whose fronting.

[recovering-radqueers]

"Recovering Radqueer" using transabled and transharm

Anonymous sent: I'm a "recovering radqueer" but I still use transIDs, even the "harmful" ones like transabled and transharmed/ful. They're the only words that meaningfully describe my experience. The anti-transition stance of Dissomei just doesn't work for me when I fully intend to remove an eye and I know nobody in that community would approve. I want to get away from the radqueer community but they are the only ones who will accept me. Every anti-radqueer blog I talk to just spits slurs and tells me to kill myself over my identity. Do you have any advice? Other labels that aren't anti-transition? Blogs that are pro-transID but anti radqueer that I can interact with to separate myself from all the abusers in the RQC?

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear that you've been told to kill yourself. I don't believe anyone deserves that and that's not fair to you.

I can absolutely understand wanting to still use transIDs, and the reasons you gave definitely are common. It sounds like you have some serious intentions, and while obviously I don't want anyone to harm themselves in general, I do also acknowledge that serious dysphoria makes it feel unavoidable. It reminds me a lot, in fact, of people with BID who have performed self amputation. At the end of the day, everyone deserves a chance to be happy - so don't worry, no judgement on that end.

Whether or not your wants/needs are understood by others, it’s important to honor that you’re experiencing something very real that makes you feel connected to these identities. The language you use to describe your experience doesn’t have to come from a bigoted/harmful place. It does suck, though, when it feels like there aren't exactly the right words to describe your identity. :(

Identity-wise:

Some people do genuinely use "transabled" in a 100% good-faith, non-radqueer-associated way. As far as I'm aware, this originated in the BID community, so if it's possible you may fit that disorder's criteria, you could switch to identifying as that. A 100% good-faith, non-radqueer-associated way transabled person. There's even a pride flag for this by antiradqueer if you like.

I recently heard of the term "dysfirming" to be a substitute for "transitioning" that applies to some atypical dysphoria-influenced identities. I don't know if this would be a helpful term?

I would suggest looking into communities focused on body mods, body autonomy, trauma recovery, and identity exploration. Find forums, Discords, Subreddits, etc, and see if it's a space you can vibe with. I think you could potentially find some people who think similarly to you. If you want me to specifically look and link you to some places, feel free to send another ask.

Dissomei as a term actually isn't anti transition! You can see a couple of quotes from the creator on this page, and one mentions that even amputations are accepted. Of course, it'll always be up to you what term you want to use.

Desirdae (Coining post)

Sensus (Coining post)

If you can do some introspection and try to pin down why you identify as any transharmful labels, it might be helpful. For example, if you wanted people to see you as dangerous, maybe a presentation label related to danger/violence, or perspesque (coining post). If it's paraphila-related, maybe Paraphikitós/Paramenos (coining post).

Intenxper (Coining post)

-vior (Coining post)

Archetrope (Tag)

Neurowiry (Coining post)

Enviren (Coining post)

Also general tips:

Find a therapist if you haven't already. I know, you've probably heard "get therapy!!!" a lot, haha, but I don't mean "get into therapy so they can make you stop identifying the way that you do". A truly good therapist would be someone you can trust to talk about how you feel and that includes being transID. And they could also direct you to any local IRL groups that might be good places to hang out!

Phew, sorry my response was so long! Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck! Please feel free to send another ask for follow-ups, specific advice, or just to say hi, okay?

-Mod Ally🍄

[yujo-nishimura]

Impel Down Chaos - Head Canon - Part 2

This is for all of you, who asked for a second part! :)

@lostfirefly & @littlewitchgirly and anybody else who wants to be tagged for the next parts, just let me know. I might write two more chapters, wanting to involve Luffy as well. ;)

Warning: Buggy x fem reader, SFW for now and a lot of goof, English is not my native language

You just realized that blood was dripping from your nose and you quickly ripped a piece of cloth from your shirt to push it into your nostril. Standing there like a perverted idiot with confidence you started speaking again: 

"I'm alright, Captain. No need to worry about me. I believe your Chop-Chop Fruit abilities could come in handy here... Were the guards unaware of your devil fruit powers?”

Buggy's face immediately lit up with excitement. "Y/n, you clever girl! I never mentioned it to them, but I also wasn't sure if they would keep me on this Level 1 or send me deeper into the other levels..."

"Then let's not waste any time. Use your chop chop abilities to shrink yourself enough to slip through the bars. Once you're out, find the key and get me out of here!" you urged.

Your captain sprang into action, disassembling his body parts and making them small enough to squeeze through the iron bars, which, thankfully, were not made of seastone. The other prisoners watched in awe as he effortlessly reassembled himself on the other side.

You hurriedly approached the iron bars, your hands still bound in cuffs. "Please, Captain, hurry. I don't know how long I'll be safe in here," you pleaded, hoping he would grasp the urgency this time. But instead, he burst into laughter, taunting the remaining inmates by showing them his butt and proclaiming that they could all rot in hell.

"Please, Buggy!" you pleaded, the desperation evident in your voice. Surprisingly, just calling out his name without addressing him as captain seemed to snap him out of his triumphant little victory dance.

“Hold on, Y/n. I'll be back with the key, I promise!" Buggy assured you, his tone filled with determination. He then turned his attention to the other prisoners, issuing a stern warning, "And all of you in there, listen up! If I return and find that any of you have harmed my valuable crew member, I won't lift a finger to help you escape. Do you understand?"

The prisoners around you mumbled something like their acknowledgment, and you hoped that Buggy's offer would be more enticing to them than any harm they could inflict upon you in the meantime.

You watched as your captain darted down the corridor, desperately searching for a guard or the guards' room in hopes of finding the key. He appeared to be lacking a concrete plan, but you held onto the hope that his usual streak of luck would guide him through his rescue attempt. He also looked adorable in his striped outfit with the little flat white shoes. Why were you unable to control your thoughts better in these desperate times? 

Buggy's words had a profound effect on the inmates, as they all retreated to their respective corners or settled on the few benches scattered throughout the cramped cell. It seemed that they had collectively made the decision to no longer bother or harass you. You took out the little cloth from your nose since the bleeding had stopped for now. Hopefully Buggy was so impressed by your plan that he would finally start seeing more in you than just a mere crew member. 

Minutes passed by, and Buggy still hadn't returned. Anxiety gnawed at your nerves as you feared he may have been caught. Time seemed to stretch on like an eternity, amplifying your unease. Then, the sound of approaching footsteps reached your ears, causing your heart to race. Gripping the bars tightly, you strained to catch a glimpse of who was approaching your cell. To your shock and surprise, it wasn't your captain who emerged into view. Instead, two female guards came into sight, adorned in their uniforms and armed with whips and sticks for defense. It was evident that they had come for you. The realization struck you with a wave of dread; if they were to take you away now, escape would be nearly impossible, and Buggy would have to find a way into the women's ward to rescue you. In a panicked response, you quickly released your grip on the bars, desperately attempting to conceal yourself within the confines of the cell, hoping to evade their attention as best as you could.

As you crouched down, attempting to hide within the cell, your heart pounded loudly in your chest. The two guards approached the cell door, their footsteps growing louder with each passing moment. You could feel your palms becoming clammy as fear coursed through your veins.

"Y/n, come out. It's time to change cells," the guards called out to you, their voices carrying a hint of impatience. It was clear that they would resort to force if you didn't comply immediately.

“But I like it here…!”, you finally can utter, staying crouched down in an uncomfortable position between the stinky prisoners. 

"Is that so? Well, unfortunately, Warden Magellan has ordered your transfer to the women's ward," one of the guards responded, her tone unsympathetic.

"But you don't even know if I'm a woman! Maybe I'm a man who simply enjoys dressing as a woman!" you blurted out, desperately trying to buy more time, hoping that Buggy would return soon.

"Really? But we conducted a thorough body search when you arrived..." The two guards exchanged confused glances, uncertain about how to proceed. Since they weren't the ones who had conducted the initial search, they felt obligated to contact headquarters and double-check the information. As they turned their attention to the transponder snail to make the call, a small window of opportunity opened up for you. You remained crouched down, tightly holding yourself, the seconds ticking by as you clung to the hope that Buggy would come to your rescue before the guards discovered the truth.

“Prisoner 2701 claims to be a man, can you please get Domino on the phone and let her confirm this?”

You can hear them talking about your secondary sexual characteristics in detail, making the men around you in the cell giggle with joy. You really hoped for Buggy to come back and not only rescue you, but also take each and everyone down for making you feel so humiliated. 

“Well, Y/n, guard Domino has confirmed that you are, in fact, a woman and now we need to ask you to come with us to Level 2 and to the women’s ward.” 

"Level 2?" Your voice trembled with fear as you finally looked up at the two women, their hands gripping the whips tightly. 

“Yes, regarding your past crimes we have been ordered to bring you to Level 2.” 

“How is that possible? I do not even have devil fruit powers, I am a mere pirate who has stolen a bit of gold and treasure here and there…” 

One of the guards is tired of showing patience with your story and reaches towards you to force you on your feet. 

“The decision made is none of your concern, we are only here to escort you to your new home for eternity.” 

The other guard has now positioned herself behind you and pushes you forward. You stumble slowly out of the cell, looking around trying to find help by the fellow prisoners. They seem to be so intimidated by Buggy and now by these guards that they just look away, avoiding your gaze.

"Can I please use the restroom before we proceed to Level 2?" you pleaded once more, searching for any plausible reason to delay your departure from the familiar confines of the cell.

"I believe you can attend to that matter once we reach the women's ward. Now, keep moving, prisoner 2701," one of the guards curtly replied, showing no mercy in her response. The weariness in their eyes suggested that they were growing increasingly frustrated with your previous deception regarding your gender identity.

As you stumbled out of the cell and into the dimly lit hallway, a sense of desperation washed over you. Buggy would never find you in Level 2 and maybe, just for a moment you thought, he had left without you, saving only his own handsome ass. No, your captain would never do that!  Having come all this way to rescue you, you knew deep down that Buggy wouldn't abandon you now.

As your gaze shifted down the hallway, a surge of excitement coursed through you. Your eyes widened as you caught sight of strains of vibrant blue hair peeking out from around a corner. Your heart skipped a beat, and a glimmer of hope ignited within you. It was Buggy, hiding behind a stone pillar, his mind undoubtedly racing to devise a plan for your escape.

With careful precision, Buggy waved at you, carefully to not catch the guards attention. In response, you nodded silently, your eyes welling up with tears of relief and gratitude. The sight of him standing there, holding the key to your cell, reaffirmed that he had never intended to leave without you.

Before the guards could push you further down the corridor, you stole a fleeting glance at Buggy. His lips moved, forming words that you strained to decipher. Though you couldn't make out the exact sentence, a deep blush spread across your cheeks as you were convinced he had whispered, "I love you." The intensity of the moment overwhelmed you, making your knees weak.

“I will wait for you, Captain!”, you whispered to yourself as you slowly walked down the hallway accompanied by the two guards. 

[answersfromzestual]

What can I do to masculinize my mannerism? I was raised very upper class lady-Ly and I have trouble letting go of a lot of the “proper” mannerisms that I find tend to clock me as trans

Hello,

This isn't going to happen overnight, but I will list some things you can do. Some may seem simple or "odd" but it's just like learning another culture.

Sitting up straight, and tall, same with standing. You want to stand so tall that you feel taller than those around you.

Taking up space! Sitting with your legs open, opening your chest so your shoulders and chest look bigger (wider). Taking up space also means standing up straight (no leaning) when talking, project the energy that you won't shy away. Take up space and be an alpha!

Do not flail your hands

Head nods are a social gesture instead of waving, or they can replace maybe a handshake in friendly interactions. A single nod up quickly is a masculine way of acknowledging those around you in a non-professional setting. It can say: "What's up," "I see you," "it is/ they are over there (nod in direction of the object/person)," and "hello."

Speaking assertively, this doesn't have to be aggression. It's more instead of saying, "I was wondering, maybe we should do ____". The more assertive way to do this would be to say, "I want to do ____" taking out those filler words, making people perceive you as more dominant.

Making eye contact is important, you want them to basically look away first, you are again showing your assertiveness, and sending alpha energy. It's going to take practice, you may seem weird at first, but you will eventually be able to determine the amount of eye contact needed in that social situation.

It all goes back to wanting to be the alpha male in the situation.

You want other people to see you as dominant and in control.

Handshakes are super important. They are common for many more professional atmospheres. You want a firm handshake, but you don't want to hurt the person. If you have someone to help you practice, that would be good. It seems you always are squeezing tighter that you should, but a strong handshake is a huge indicator to a lot of people of not your masculinity but your character.

Try working on your vocabulary and take out filler words such as "like", "um", "uh", "maybe". Speak with intention. You need to speak like you know all about what you're talking about. Confidence is the point. Be direct as possible. It's not about lying.

Walking: Stand tall, chin straight, walk with your shoulders more than your hips. Again, no flailing. Hands by pockets.

Remember these are subtle changes and it will take some time to dial in on exactly how to do everything, but these are some of the main/big things I could think of. I will add more if I think of more or people are free to add some of their own.

Edit: Alpha doesn't mean you need to be the typical version of masculinity either. It means you take control of the situation, you don't back down or shy away. For example, if someone steps towards you it can be an act of intimidation, but if you stand your ground, they will most likely see their failed attempt and back up again. I don't want you thinking it means being hyper masculine. It's I guess some people call it "big dick energy".

Good luck,

Stay Golden ✌️ 💙 💜

[tarabyte3]

I Want You to Show Me Weak

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapter 1/27 (2.8k words)

Chapter 2 ->

Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.

Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, light choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst

A/N: If you wanted Dom Kino on top of dirty talk Kino, boy do I have some good news for you 😌 Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Drink You Sober" by Bitter:Sweet

AO3 Link

Chapter 1 - Oh dear, look what you've done, you've made a mess of me

Having women in the prison on Narkina 5 is rare, but not unheard of. They don't really like taking a woman transfer because the prison was built and designed to hold men in close quarters. A woman's presence muddies the waters. Occasionally it's disruptive. And the guards really don't like disruptive, either. God forbid. Unfortunately they have no say in the Empire's decision of who goes where. So there you are, eating, sleeping, and working right alongside the men of Unit Five-Two-D.

There are a lot of things about Narkina 5 that suck, which is a colossal understatement, but your table usually isn't one of them. As far as tables go, especially compared to the rest of the shift's population, table 7 is pretty okay. You lucked out there, which may have been where ALL of your luck had gone instead because the rest of Narkina 5 fucking sucks.

Threl was the first man in your pod to acknowledge you after Kino had given you his whole ego spiel, pointed you in the right direction, and then curtly dismissed you. Threl is a tall, handsome man in his forties with dark brown skin, wide shoulders, a shaved head, a goatee that probably would have been neatly kept in different circumstances, and a rich bass voice. There is an easy confidence to him that had put you at ease when he first shook your hand. He introduced himself, the rest of the group, showed you where you would be standing, and made sure to explain things out loud while he worked. The others seemed happy to let him do all the talking—something that hasn't changed in your time there, and you can see why. He's easy to like. Anytime the table needs something, you all send Threl to talk to Kino. Kino seems to respect him and never looks as irritated talking to him as he does most people in there. Threl and Kino even talk outside of the shift. Not that you've tried to eavesdrop or anything.

On your left is Alis, who you assume is around the same age as you, but shorter than you by several inches. He may even be the shortest person on the whole shift. He has warm copper skin, dark cropped hair, and a wicked scar down the length of his cheek from his temple to his jaw. He never seems to be self conscious about it, thankfully. You think it looks pretty bad ass. Alis is also hilarious. Sometimes he cracks a joke to lighten the mood while you work. You thought it might get obnoxious eventually, but he always knows when to stop and be serious. There have been a few times your whole table has to stifle a laugh as you carry your finished part to the rack. He's the kind of guy you would be friends with on the outside. Alis is also fast. He can move around the table and through a crowd like it's nothing, and you have to scramble to keep up with him.

Next to him is Sorrek. He's the opposite of Alis: taller, older, tawny skinned, with blonde hair that is thinning with a bald spot in the back, and he has a thick build, as though he used to be very athletic when he was younger. He's also a quiet, reserved man. To the point he usually looks sad, but he never lets it slow him down. You like Sorrek, despite this. There's a gentleness to him. It takes a lot to make him angry. And though it's also difficult to make him laugh, it's not impossible. He gives off dad energy. He hasn't said so, but you're pretty sure he has kids. Once you jokingly said, "okay, dad" when he was fretting, and he looked like he was about to cry.

Your table's swing is Jevid. He's the oldest of the group and can't handle the heavier loads like everyone else can because he has a bad back. He's got freckled and sun-spotted ruddy cheeks that stand out against his beige skin, a large round belly, no hair on his head, but a thick, uneven, dark grey beard, and he's missing a top tooth on his left side. He's also ornery, but never mean. Just a grumpy old man. Threl is on the other side of him, and you think the two of them have been in there together for a while. They get along like old friends and Threl is always checking in on him to make sure he's not in too much pain.

Next is Taybus. Fucking Taybus, who fills you with equal parts irritation and affection, like a dumb little brother. He's more than a decade younger than you—you'd be surprised if he's even twenty yet. Before you, he was the newest person at the table, though he's been there for almost a year and a half now. He's tall and lanky with chin length brown hair that's always in his face, has the saddest attempt at growing a mustache you've ever seen, and his fair skin is dotted with tiny moles. Taybus is also a little shit on purpose. His main hobby is picking on people. It's not malicious or aggressive, he just likes bickering. Because he's an asshole. And a kid.

Finally, there's Edii, who you haven't quite figured out yet, even though he's next to you at the table. You've tried to talk to him a few times, but he's...well, he's quiet to the point of ignoring everyone else most of the time, except when he gets irritated. His basic is heavily accented already, but when he's mad, he slips into his native tongue so no one can understand what he's saying. You think he prefers it that way. He's almost sickly pale with short black hair, a thin nose and lips, and dark eyes. You can count on one hand the amount of times you've seen him smile, usually thanks to Alis and once because of you. He's the second youngest of the group, so before you came along, he got the brunt of Taybus's focused antagonism and he didn't handle it as well as you do. Threl had almost seemed relieved the first time Taybus teased you and you dug into him right back.

You all work well together. Your numbers aren't good enough to be in first place, but you do okay for yourselves. They don't treat you any differently because you're a woman, either. Well, Sorrek might worry and check up on you more than he does the others, and Jevid often apologizes if he makes a comment he thinks is inappropriate to say "in front of a lady," even though you tell him you've heard and said far worse. And you're not a lady, you're a woman. Other than that, though.

Then there's Kino Loy.

You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you.

Not "Kino Loy finds you annoying" or "hates that you're his problem." Hates you. Specifically. You've only been there a month and he's already gotten pissed at you four times. That's a once a week average…except that all of them were in the past week and a half.

Now, you won't deny you probably deserved most of it. You just wish he wasn't such an asshole about it all the time.

-----

The first incident was for talking back. He was ragging on your table about picking up the pace and shouting out the tallies, like that would magically make you all less exhausted. You were tired and in pain, which made you irritable. So you may have told him that if he didn't like it, he could squeeze in between Alis and Sorrek on the other side of the table and help. Your entire pod, and some of the men that overheard in the pods next to yours, stared at you in horror. Even Edii.

Kino's eyes met yours, however, and he looked terrifyingly calm. And you knew immediately that you fucked up. He had you backed up against the table in seconds, the edge digging into your hip, and he got as close to you as he could without touching you.

"Never talk back to me again, do you understand?" His voice was low and there was a dangerous edge to it. You could feel his breath on your face and see every line on his. You noticed he had a tiny freckle on his left cheek, just above the line of his graying beard, and there were flecks of silver in the blue of his irises, like looking at frost through tinted glass.

"Sorry, Kino. I'm just tired, it won't happen again," you muttered, sounding properly chastised. And you were. Tired and sorry. Because you hadn't meant to say it, but sometimes your mouth got you in trouble.

"You're damn right it won't."

After he had stalked off, Threl gave you a disappointed look and Sorrek gave you a sad one. You just shook your head and said, "yeah yeah, I know."

-----

The second time was for smacking Taybus, who deserved it for being a little shit. He likes riling Edii up by moving his tools or telling him he's doing something wrong until the quiet man snaps and goes off on a tirade back at Taybus. Which meant that day, Edii was more focused on ranting than working. It slowed everyone down, and it was also annoying. Threl had told Taybus to knock it off, which usually put an end to it, but he wasn't shutting up. So you smacked him. But it wasn't just that you smacked him. It was that you left your spot, walked around Edii, and smacked him. Hard.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Kino's voice boomed from halfway across the room. The floor went quiet immediately, some men even stopped working, and they all turned to look at you. Then Kino was scowling and stalking towards you.

Like a deer in headlights, you responded, "I was telling Taybus to shut the hell up because he's distracting the table." There was a sputter of protest behind you, and you thought Taybus should be grateful Kino was almost there or you would have smacked him again. Kino looked even more pissed after that, his face contorted in controlled rage, and you braced yourself. You felt like a child getting scolded in a classroom, and you hated it. It made you feel small.

"I told you on your first day here that if you have a problem with someone, you come to me. What part of that did you have trouble understanding?" He was once again leaning in so close you could feel him in front of you, like a swell of heat and pressure.

"None of it." Your face and neck flushed with anger and embarrassment.

"Sure as hell didn't look that way."

You shifted awkwardly on your feet and looked down at the floor. You wanted to defend yourself, say that you were just trying to get the work done, but you knew it would only make things worse.

"Next time, you have problems at your table? Don't do my job for me. Got it?" Kino also gave Taybus, who finally had the decency to look apologetic, a pointed look.

You nodded.

"Sorry, Kino," Threl spoke up.

Kino turned to him, but with less anger, and said, "Just keep your table in line."

Threl and Sorrek both gave off more disappointed dad energy, Alis tried to crack a joke to lighten the tension, but quickly gave up, Taybus sulked, Edii went back to being Edii, and Jevid spent the next ten minutes telling you that you shouldn't rile Kino up.

"Never seen that man yell at someone so much." Jevid shook his head.

"Gee, thanks, Jev. Makes me feel really great to know I'm the only woman AND the biggest fuck up."

"You aren't a fuck up," Sorrek softly interjected. You appreciated him. Truly, you did. Even if he was, perhaps, a bad judge of character.

"I'm just sayin', you should keep your head down for a bit and let him cool off."

You let out a huff of exasperation. "That's what I'm trying to do!" And you were. Trying, that is.

-----

The third time was for talking back again.

You muttered under your breath thinking he wouldn't hear you, and boy were you wrong. He actually grabbed you by the front of your uniform that time, and you gasped when he pulled you closer. He didn't say anything, just glared at you with this intense look on his face for a solid twenty seconds while your heart pounded and he remained perfectly in control. It got his point across. Or at least you assume it did because you kept thinking about it the rest of the day. And the day after.

-----

The fourth time wasn't your fault. You were standing in line after your shift and Taybus was whining to Alis about wanting to finally get first place because he was tired of eating warm mush.

"It's pretty good, man. You ever have fried trunkfish and gravy?"

"No," Taybus whined some more.

"Reminds me of that. Real gourmet shit."

"Man! We were getting close when Ondon was still here. Now we're stuck with someone getting us in trouble all the time and messing up our numbers." He said the last part loud enough that you could hear, as if you weren't already listening.

"Oh, come off it. Don't pretend it's me, like Threl doesn't pick up your slack." You rolled your eyes.

"Alis agrees with me. Don't you?" He turned to the shorter man.

Alis held up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, don't drag me into your shit. I just work here."

"Taybus, you have something on your face." You suddenly pretended to look concerned and stared at his nose.

"What? Where?" He rubbed at his mouth and chin a few times. "Did I get it?" You leaned in closer, like you were checking.

"It's right here." You pointed to the spot above your lip. "Oh wait, it's just that smudge you call a mustache. My bad." You could hear Alis choke on a sudden laugh and you gave Taybus a wicked grin.

"Oh, fuck you." Taybus gave you a friendly shove. It wasn't intended to hurt, but it was still hard enough that you stumbled backwards a step. And because you have the worst luck of anyone in there, you bumped straight into Kino. But you didn't know it was Kino, so you turned to apologize and were met with his angry frown.

You gaped at him. Before you could say anything, he grabbed you by the front of your uniform, walked you backwards, and pushed you against the window. The panes are angled inward so you were awkwardly hunched forward, and he was inches away, looking up into your face.

"Well?" He forced the word through gritted teeth.

"Sorry! I…tripped." The lie sounded terrible even to you, but you didn't want to throw your friends under the transport, even if one of them really deserved it at that point.

"Tripped." His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. Then he leaned in closer. His legs met yours, pressing you further against the glass, and he angled his head slightly so your mouths were close to touching. "No more. Got it?" He demanded in a husky whisper, and you could feel his breath against your lips. You tried so hard not to let your gaze fall to his mouth.

You wanted to nod your understanding because you didn't trust your voice, but you were close enough that if you did, you were going to headbutt him or accidentally kiss him. And you were pretty sure that if you did either, he would find a way to throw you out the window. Instead you whispered out, "yes, Kino."

He kept you there for another few seconds, both of you panting into the inch of space between you and you trying not to squirm against him, before he stepped back and released you suddenly. You flailed to catch your footing and not to fall on your face. Then he turned his back to you and walked off without another word. Like that didn't just happen. Like you weren't a flushed wreck behind him. As you shuffled back to the line, trying not to meet anyone's eyes out of sheer mortification, you heard him at the front yelling for everyone to keep it down.

"I thought he was gonna make out with you for a second," Taybus whispered over his shoulder.

"Taybus!" You hissed. "Shut. Up." Though you had to admit, you kind of thought he was going to as well. And you weren't sure if you were relieved or disappointed that he didn't.

NEXT CHAPTER->

[deconstructing-klance]

Unhinged Klance Shenanigans #1

While working on my posts, I do a lot of research. My schooling involved research to support my ideas. I like to find anything that can back up what I say or confirm any Klance news. I like to be accurate, transparent, and thorough. If any official VLD news comes out that Klances does happen post show and confirms all of the supposed "Klance coded" moments, then I'll admit I was wrong.

But I still won't ship them because, in my opinion, they're not good for each other and would not last long in a relationship for various reasons. That's a blog post for another day.

Anyway,

I came across this while researching ... and I was just floored.

"As human beings, we deserve the right to have Klance be canon."

Much entitlement. Such audacity.

Let's take a look at the language here. (This is my speciality.)

Deserve is a verb. It stems from an Old French word, deservir - deserve, be worthy of, earn, merit.

Interestingly, deservir comes from the Latin deservire - serve well, serve zealously.

Breaking deservir down: the suffix de = completely, and servire = to serve.

And, according to Etymonline (my favorite website ever WHICH NOW HAS A MOBILE APP), the Latin sense of the world evolved from "to completely serve/serve completely" to "be entitled to because of good service," and then to the French "be worthy of."

This is a LOT to unpack.

Firstly, let's take a look at the original meaning of the Latin deservire: serve well, serve zealously.

I think it's pretty known that Klancers serve their ship pretty zealously. Almost to the point where it's a little scary. Maybe even a little cultish.

As much as I love VLD, making my own head canons, and acknowledging how much it means to me as a person, I do know that it is fiction. Just because something is fiction doesn't make it less valid or important. Saying "It's just a show" severely invalidates how deeply it has impacted people. But, at the end of the day, Voltron is a beautiful piece of fiction that has been shared with the world.

A fictional ship that has such a chokehold on you that you make a petition to get it canonized ... that's overkill.

And it can't be said that the majority of Klancers serve their ship well. Because raise your hand if you've seen Klancers bully people for not shipping Klance, or you have been personally bullied by a Klancer.

That brings about my second point concerning the modern day meaning of deserve: to be worthy of."

Frankly, because of the bad Klancer attitudes, they don't deserve to have Klance canonized. They're not worthy enough to have that ship canonized because their vitriol kinda dragged down the fandom.

This is what I mean about being tired of Klance shipper attitudes. Being a human being does not entitle you to have your preferred ship be canon.

As a human being, you deserve health, prosperity, love, and kindness.

DreamWorks would never take this seriously and I'm glad this petition didn't go anywhere.

Suggestion for the future: if you want to start a peition, your name really should be on it, because that's one way to show you genuinely stand behind what you're petitioning for. Notgivingmynameforprivacyreasons, I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Also, I don't see any credit given to Ikimaru for the Klance art that was used. I may not be a Klance shipper, but I think her art is beautiful. (See? Even as a non-Klance shipper I can validate her art and see the beauty in it.) I even considered commissioning her for a time, before I realized she doesn't do commissions anymore (at least, last I checked), and after thinking it over figured Ikimaru probably wouldn't accept a non-Klance VLD commission. And that's completely okay.

[whentherewerebicycles]

my ultrasound is at 10am tomorrow morning to determine if we can move forward with this cycle and I feel the usual lowgrade hum of anxiety and some stirrings of preemptive despair, which I am trying to acknowledge without letting the feelings choke me. tomorrow will be 11 weeks to the day since the surgery and I feel both like I’ve been waiting an eternity to restart the process and like I’m still not quite ready to plunge back into it. I feel a lot of fear/anxiety that something will go wrong (I’ll miss the window, I won’t get pregnant, I’ll have another ectopic and lose my remaining tube, I’ll get pregnant but I’ll miscarry) but I also feel scared about whether the process will reopen those summer wounds and flood me with huge grief feelings again. I know I can handle whatever happens—I know I can work through the feelings and metabolize the grief/despair/disappointment and integrate whatever comes next into my sense of myself. but god it’s such hard work. I’m scared! I’m scared of what it might feel like to have to live it all again and I’m scared there may be more pain and disappointment or a much more wrenching grief to come. I want to feel clean hope, clean pain, but I also have this instinctive need to brace myself against an anticipated blow. aaaaaaaa but it’s okay I’ll be okay. in my voice lesson last week my teacher was showing me how to relax the muscles around my neck and shoulders so the sound could come out clean and focused and easy. she said, you still have to brace yourself somewhere. you always have to brace. but you can choose to anchor yourself lower down, grounding yourself through your pelvis or your hips, so you’re not holding all that strangled tension in your throat. I have been trying to think about that as a metaphor for the push-pull of hope/grief. right now I feel my anticipatory grief and fear as an awful tightness in my throat and chest, this unbearable pressure that makes it hard to draw in a full breath and impossible to feel hope cleanly. I can’t just relax, no matter how hard I try or how often the people I love tell me what happened was just horrible luck and they have a good feeling it’s all going to work out for me in the end. I have to brace myself somewhere, because I have some idea now of how bad it can be, how self-shattering that grief and crushing disappointment can feel. but as I prepare to start trying again I want to think about if and how I could brace myself differently, in a way that is conscious and chosen rather than motivated by animal fear. what would it look and feel like to anchor myself in my core? in what deeper part of my being can I brace or ground myself? is there some way to protect myself while also gently easing that strangling tension in my throat, my ribs, my clenched-fist heart? I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know but I have to try I have to try I have to try again

[jubilantscribbler]

Waves back!! Hello my dearest!!

Can I PLEAse get

On my mermaid bullshit again!! VILLAIN AU ROD ORIGINS "My friends need to be punished"????!!!

HELLO!!! MY LOVE!!!

Here are a few snippets and explanations for your good good choices :)

On my mermaid bullshit again

A little fic centered around Rod and my friends' OCs starring Rod's bitey baby cousin who's basically his adopted daughter (Haila) and an unsuspecting love interest who cuts an intimidating silhouette with a tongue to match (Phobos). I think it was inspired by artwork that I'll have to find again but ;) it takes place in a fantasy setting and involves bootleg heist hijinks. This ficlet is a bit outdated tho, since some things changed about Phobos since the last time I worked on this. Ah well!

And of course the shady aquarium just happened to have a weird little girl lingering around the super rare exhibit with the fish seemingly following after her.  And of course this entire scene was setting off too many red flags that screamed, "Leave now or your life will change forever."

But did Phobos listen to the valid little voice in the back of his head?  No, no, of course not.  Of course the weird little girl would see him and make a beeline towards Phobos despite the intimidating figure he cut, mask and all.  Of course the little girl grabbed onto his cloak and tugged with such determination that he couldn't look away.

And of course Phobos looked down and acknowledged her with an annoyed puff of a sigh instead of ignoring her, like he should have done.

"Ex-scooooooooz me!"  She said, and he gave her a glare that she completely ignored.  "But you look like a really strong wizard!  And I need to save a princess!"

He really should have said, "Tough luck, kid", and walked away.  After all, she did say "princess", and he is tremendously gay.

...But at the same time, she said, princess, and princesses have lots of money, don't they?  His plan was to just help the kid, get the cash from the princess, and turn down any marriage proposals she may have had to offer.  So instead, he asked: "Where's your princess?"

And she lit up like he'd just given her the best present ever and maybe it warmed his heart just a bit .

Villain AU Rod Origins

A LONG fic where I elaborate on what happened to my boy Rod that turns him into a "villain" in this au. Greatly influenced by that song, "Hell's Coming with Me". Haila is also a major player here.

"Get out, clean your damn self up." His uncle points towards the hallway as the rest of the family parts. "And maybe once you remember your manners, we'll consider lettin' you have some supper."

Sure. Rod marches out the room and makes a beeline for Haila's room. He ignores how the voices quickly become lively again as they laugh at his expense and gently sets her down on her bed. Haila sniffles and wipes her eyes roughly. Another whines escapes her when her tears don't stop, so he shushes her gently and kneels down. "Hey now," he coos softly, "it's alright."

"Sorry," she says again, hands twisting up in the hem of her shirt, "they got mad because of me, and they- they-"

"Sweetheart, don't pay them no mind." He ruffles her hair, noting how she doesn't look at him. No doubt, he's a sight for sore eyes. Sighing, he takes his bandanna and dabs at his face. It does nothing to stop the bleeding, but at least his vision clears. "Haila," he says, looking around her room and finding her backpack, "can you be a dear and start packin'?"

She flinches and curls into herself. "Are you getting rid of me...?"

"No, sweetpea, don't even let that thought take root." He grabs her backpack and hands it to her. "We're leavin'. Both of us."

"...Just us?"

"Just us."

She finally looks up at him, before looking away with shame. "Sorry," she says again. He sighs through his nose and pulls her into a hug. Haila curls up in his arms and sniffles again.

"What'd I tell ya? It ain't your fault. None of this is. But I ain't standin' for you gettin' hurt. Especially not by them. So no apologies. They hurt you first. You did nothin' wrong. Okay?"

"...Okay."

"Thatta girl." He pulls away and offers her a smile, even though she doesn't look up to see it. "Now pack your things and wear your warmest clothes."

"What if I can't fit everything?"

"Then you take all your important things first. I'll probably have space in my bag, but grab your favorite things, then put in as many clothes as you can. Okay?"

"Okay..." She puts on her most determined face and hops off her bed. "I'll do it."

"Good girl." He pats her head. "I'll only be a sec. Need to grab my things too."

Haila rocks on her heels before looking back up at him. "Come back soon?"

"Faster than you can blink." He winks, and he can feel the way the cuts tug and stretch with the action. Still, Haila gives him a shy smile, and that's all he needs before he quickly steps out and heads to his room.

"My Friends Need to be Punished"

An OOOOOLD WIP that I made because one of friends said some CURSED SHIT with a couple of others that involved my boy, so I was like, "IM GONNA KILL HIM AS PUNISHMENT". It takes place in the Pokemon: Legends Arceus universe and involves Ingo, My Boy, the clan leaders, and Kamado. I got carried away and started writing A Lot about in-universe politics so I had to step back LMAO.

From what Rod had told him, Akari had been attacked by a school of Tentacool being lead by an alpha Tentacruel. The fisherman had been in the area when he saw her fall from Lord Basculegion's back and fail to resurface. He had been quick to rescue her, but the jellyfish pokemon refused to leave the fisherman unscathed. Rod had only just recently removed the bandages from his arms and legs, revealing the new additions to his collection of Tentacool sting scars. Ingo reaches out and gently grasps Rod's arm, feeling over the new healing scars as Rod answers without pause.

"She's doing better. She can tread water now at least. Getting less skittish even when she doesn't have Lord Basculegion around to hold onto."

"Mmmm." The newer scarring wraps around Rod's arm like a grip. He wishes he'd been there to help. Maybe the fisherman would have less scars if Ingo had been there. Maybe-

"Hey." A hand reaches forward to cup Ingo's cheek, his thumb gently brushing underneath his eye. "You're not gettin' all twisted up over these scars again, are you?"

Ingo meets Rod's gaze long enough to see the fondness that's settled in his brown eyes before looking away. "It... bothers me. How many scars you have."

"I hate to break it to ya this way, but the ocean is just as dangerous as those cliffs you like to clamber over so much."

"I would like to believe that I could have prevented some of these." His thumb runs over one of the more prominent scars, tissue running a dark pink line against sunkissed skin. If only he could kiss it away. "Perhaps it's a show of my ego, but I do like to believe that I can at least protect you from some of the dangers that lurk in Hisui's lands."

"Oh, sweetheart," Rod breathes out, "you do more than you realize, I hope you know."

"I feel as though I could be doing more."

"We're both alive, aren't we?" A soft chuckle draws from Rod as Ingo releases his arm. "We're both alive, and that's all that matters right now."

"Hmm." He clings to the hand cupping his cheek and leans into Rod's touch. It'll have to do, he supposes. But still. "Let me protect you, one of these days."

"Maybe, when I'm not the one protecting you," Rod teases lightly, earning an amused huff from Ingo. "Ah, there we go! One of your special li'l smiles." He lifts his gaze up to meet Rod's as the fisherman's familiar bright smile chases away the lingering dread in his chest. "It'll always be a good day if I get to see you smile."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Ridiculous is a strong word. I think I'm being a modest amount of silly, thank you kindly."

Ingo can't help the snort that escapes him as he presses a small kiss to Rod's palm. As the fisherman sputters, Ingo muffles a laugh against his palm despite blushing from his own action.

"Ah," a voice calls out from behind them, "the love of two young, old men!"