#ask answersfromtheshadows

[answersfromzestual]

What can I do to masculinize my mannerism? I was raised very upper class lady-Ly and I have trouble letting go of a lot of the “proper” mannerisms that I find tend to clock me as trans

Hello,

This isn't going to happen overnight, but I will list some things you can do. Some may seem simple or "odd" but it's just like learning another culture.

Sitting up straight, and tall, same with standing. You want to stand so tall that you feel taller than those around you.

Taking up space! Sitting with your legs open, opening your chest so your shoulders and chest look bigger (wider). Taking up space also means standing up straight (no leaning) when talking, project the energy that you won't shy away. Take up space and be an alpha!

Do not flail your hands

Head nods are a social gesture instead of waving, or they can replace maybe a handshake in friendly interactions. A single nod up quickly is a masculine way of acknowledging those around you in a non-professional setting. It can say: "What's up," "I see you," "it is/ they are over there (nod in direction of the object/person)," and "hello."

Speaking assertively, this doesn't have to be aggression. It's more instead of saying, "I was wondering, maybe we should do ____". The more assertive way to do this would be to say, "I want to do ____" taking out those filler words, making people perceive you as more dominant.

Making eye contact is important, you want them to basically look away first, you are again showing your assertiveness, and sending alpha energy. It's going to take practice, you may seem weird at first, but you will eventually be able to determine the amount of eye contact needed in that social situation.

It all goes back to wanting to be the alpha male in the situation.

You want other people to see you as dominant and in control.

Handshakes are super important. They are common for many more professional atmospheres. You want a firm handshake, but you don't want to hurt the person. If you have someone to help you practice, that would be good. It seems you always are squeezing tighter that you should, but a strong handshake is a huge indicator to a lot of people of not your masculinity but your character.

Try working on your vocabulary and take out filler words such as "like", "um", "uh", "maybe". Speak with intention. You need to speak like you know all about what you're talking about. Confidence is the point. Be direct as possible. It's not about lying.

Walking: Stand tall, chin straight, walk with your shoulders more than your hips. Again, no flailing. Hands by pockets.

Remember these are subtle changes and it will take some time to dial in on exactly how to do everything, but these are some of the main/big things I could think of. I will add more if I think of more or people are free to add some of their own.

Edit: Alpha doesn't mean you need to be the typical version of masculinity either. It means you take control of the situation, you don't back down or shy away. For example, if someone steps towards you it can be an act of intimidation, but if you stand your ground, they will most likely see their failed attempt and back up again. I don't want you thinking it means being hyper masculine. It's I guess some people call it "big dick energy".

Good luck,

Stay Golden ✌️ 💙 💜

[answersfromzestual]

OOOps I posted in the wrong place 😎

I have completed the transfer to its own Blog

It is still, technically, a side blog, I haven't figured out if it is possible to transfer it and also make it a main blog without reposting the data post by post.

There is no reason to follow the other blog, this one will remain intact as it is.

The entire account is dedicated to this blog and only this blog. So I apologize for all those who followed the new blog.

This blog has the same URL, title, and content as before. Nothing has changed on your end.

Here is the link to the Blog Directory

Remember, if you need some advice and would feel comfortable sending me an e-mail, it is still answersfromtheshadows@gmail.com Feel free to write me and we can have more of a conversation about the questions you may have. Of course we also have the Ask Tab.

Thank you to all the loyal followers who have waited and waited for this to be its own entity.

Stay Golden 💙🩷

[skankhunt44]

So I'm here to kevetch a lil' bit.

Why are there like no resources for transmen out there? Especially about bottom surgery (specificallyimages of finished surgeries)? So my best friend is a dude that happens to be trans (he is "stealth" and doesn't consider himself trans in the most part anymore, just male). He came out to me first. At the time, there were literally no resources online, but it was the age where YouTube still showed nudity. He was debating between phalloplasty and metoidioplasty (sorry, I had to look up the names quick). He always told me he wanted surgery even when we played 'we are a band' at my house. We were, I think, like 6 or 7? I still remember my older brother asking if he wanted surgery, and he said yes. AT SIX! So we go back to YouTube, we'll we find a video of a man who was willing to show his fully done phalloplasty. We watched it and he asked if it looked right, I said I wouldn't be able to tell at all. At that time, I think we were in our mid teens at this point. He ended up getting a phallo (he always calls it that), and he told me a bit ago "I hear so many guys not wanting to do anything or force themselves or the culture seems to pushe metoidioplasty because they don't have enough information on phallo." So I asked him if especially since it's pride if he'd make a blog an answer some questions.

@answersfromtheshadows

So, I decided to tag his blog and let you all please overwhelm him with asks. He works all day, so please 🙏 help me help him get his word out!

👇👇👇Here is his blog 👇👇👇

@answersfromtheshadows

[answersfromzestual]

Rules of the Blog: PLEASE READ!

Be kind. Asks that are mean, cruel, hurtful, hateful, transphobic, homophobic, or anything hurtful about any other ideification of Trans or LGBTQAI+ (this includes any hate on transmascs/femmes/anything inbetween) are automatic block and report. I will not put up with anti transitioning propaganda. I will call it out. Depending on how rude you are, I will block you without warning.

If you have something to add to my post, make sure you post at least three legitimate sources with your fact or correction. Without doing so, I will ask you to remove your comment. If not, you will be blocked from access to this blog.

I do have autism, so if I do not understand your context, it is okay to tell me. I would prefer an ask.

Trans people can themselves be transphobic - there is no argument here, so if you pull that card, I'd put it back in the deck before you use it on me, this blog, or the followers... This is a blockable offense without any warning!

I have a busy life, so posting may not be daily or constant. I try to answer as quickly as possible.

I only use articles that are peer-reviewed, medical studies, medical journals, physician websites and interviews, or legitmate articles from reliable sources. I always provide information sources. I also draw from personal experiences.

Information from this blog is never shared, I keep this blog confidential. I do ask my wife her opinions on how and what to post about, but she does not have any access to this blog or its contents. Only I do.

Your identity will not be mocked by me or any user. This will lead to being blocked if a user does so.

Antisemitism or rasicm will not be tolerated and is an automatic block and report. Without warning.

I do not tolerate anyone sending non blog related asks and conversations. This is inappropriate in this environment

Just general guidelines:

THIS BLOG SUPPORTS TRANSWOMEN, SEES YOU AS WOMEN, AND SEES YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 💜💙💜

I do not use the words: "fag", "faggot", queer", or "dyke"- Those words have deep wounds for me personally. I have a post that explains why. Please understand. I will not block or unfollow you for your identity, but just know that this is why I do not use those words. If you identify that way, I can't take away your identity, nor do I want to. You do you and be proud.

I am much older than many of you, I do not know all the terms and what they mean. I may ask you questions on what the words mean. This is not meant to be disrespectful by any means.

If I do make a mistake (spelling, usage of terminology, etc.). It is okay to send me an ask to let me know.

Remember to be safe on the internet. Not everyone has pure intentions, even on Tumblr. I strongly suggest you do your own research and come to your own conclusions as well as using my blog. My blog is just a resource tool to help you find information, I am not a surgeon or healthcare professional

When sending asks your username will not be posted without your expressed consent to do so.

No hate speech, no racism, no antisemitism/ antizionism, no bashing how people identify, no hurtful comments, be kind.

I'm proud of you, I'm glad you are here today and you should be too. ❤️ 💙 💜

[answersfromzestual]

I'm a stealth Jewish trans guy in my 20s and I just wanted to say thank you for your blog. I've sent a few asks before (mostly about advice on staying stealth in certain scenarios but some about phallo too, maybe I should start signing off lol) and your replies have always been super helpful. It's also just really reassuring to see someone like me who is older and happy and established. I hope one day I can get phallo and be in your position.

Shalom to you, my brother!

Thank you for enjoying the blog, and it's nice to know I am actually helping someone and seeing another Jewish transman. (You gave me a smile).

I would never shoo someone away who wants to get information! I will answer all 20 questions if you send them to me all at once. I mean, it may take a couple days to respond to all of them.

But I'm sure one day you will have phallo.

Right now, being your age (generation) suuuucks. I know it's hard just to live.

But one day, I too hope you are established in skin you like/love. I hope you get phalloplasty and have the life you want. I hope you get to have your hopes and dreams.

I am always here for you, all of you.

With any questions about transitioning or along those lines.

And Akhi, stay strong in this time of hardship, be safe.

I am always here if you need me!

Thank you for your kind words. I was having a rough morning, and you gave me a smile I really needed.

Stay Golden

✌️ 💙 💜

-Shadow

[answersfromzestual]

Okay. So I want to post phallo pictures but my wife is a genius!

I want to find at least three or four different phalloplasty results and have their images. With that, you can see how different everyone's is, but each still looks like a penis.

I will include myself, that is one, I asked another blogger if he could help, and then I will have to ask/ look around to fill my quota.

I figured, why post one and set a specific expectation when there are a variety of them also in cis men.

I'm hoping the other blogger will help me out. I did ask a lot of him. Like asking for his experiences as well as the use of his images.

At the very least I will post mine and then post a link to the post I saw.

I may have a third potential option, but I'm on the fence about it.

Stay Golden Everyone ✌️ 💙 💜

I love you all, I am always here if you need someone.

[answersfromzestual]

U.L. Post Update

I know you have been waiting for the post. I'm writing... there is a LOT to write.

I'm being super transparent and through about this. You deserve to know the facts and be prepared.

This is literally around 40 bullet points plus my experience. Every bullet point I need to reword a lot into something you all can understand (I put basic info or am super vague to remind myself of the point).

Every time I open it, there is something else I need to add.

I want to finish it by 4pm today, but I don't want to promise if anything comes up.

I appreciate your patience, I hope it is worth the wait to you.

Thank you,

Stay Golden ✌️ 💙 💜

[answersfromzestual]

Update on blog:

Hello all 👋

I have a couple things to say about the blog.

1. I did add an interview with an amazing surgeon, Dr. Chen. He is also featured in a spread from transhealth.

2. I have been super swamped with work, and I am sorry I haven't been posting as much.

3. Taking suggestions for unknowns/ questions you'd like to know.

4. ART!!! I want some new art for the header of the blog!

Does anyone want to contribute in any other way? Please submit stories, art, poetry, etc. That you feel people could understand here, and help relate. Top surgery stories are welcome, as are any bottom procedures. If we can cover more procedures, we are helping even more people.

Thank you so much all!

Stay Golden Everyone ✌️ 💙 💜

[answersfromzestual]

I'm the anon that asked about the ejaculation thing. Feel free to post them here. Thanks so much for all that you do bro

Okay so my questions are:

How long ago was the first surgery(just phallo alone) ?

How long ago were you finished?

Did you have your urethra lengthened ?

If you feel comfortable the surgeon and/or clinics name (I will dive into research with this info)

I just wanted to say, my partner and I were talking about me ejaculating, and apparently I didn't start until I was finished for about two years or so. I am just not sure if your friend is just still healing, basically I'm asking how new everything is, because everything takes awhile to happen.

I do still really suggest if the problems persist after my (non-professional) advice, you talk to all doctors involved, your family doctor, your surgeron(s), the clinic, and maybe perhaps if they wouldn't mind sending me the clinic they went to, I can maybe do some investigating as well. But I like to give people their privacy and always ask before I just assume it's okay.

So if it's okay with you anon/anon's friend, if you could provide me with question four? I will have no idea who you are, that is not my intent to find out. I like to do research on doctors. I am actually in the middle of researching the best doctors in certain areas. This could help me too, if you could be so kind.

Also tell your friend if they want to talk or you anon, I made an email for this blog answersfromtheshadows@gmail.com

Feel free to send an email if either of you need/want to talk, ask questions, etc.

Stay golden you two ✌️💙💜

Edit: and thank you and your friend who have started to look at this blog. I made it for people like you. No need to thank me

I am not going to lie, though the thanks does put a giant smile on my face! So thank you, Anon(s)!

[answersfromzestual]

My friend got a ton of dysphoria over cumming and phalloplasty so could you explain how it works for you? No problem if you don't want to this is of course a touchy subject.

Much love!

So basically it is "a clear fluid from the Skene's glands (preserved during surgery) may flow from the urethra in an amount that varies from one person to another". - (quote is from GrS Montreal)

So it can vary depending on how much each individual's gland itself secretes.

It's not like biological male ejaculate, like I said it's a clear, thicker liquid.

I also when I am about to ejaculate, I push while I orgasm. With that said I do not ejaculate with every orgasm, but it is more common for me to ejaculate than not.

I believe I have a very active gland, but your friend may not have a very active gland.

Tell them to push as they climax. It's going to feel like they are about to pee, but it's not pee, perhaps they may find this works? That's just what works well for me. I am also very aroused when I get intimate, I have a very low sex drive, so when I am having sex I am super aroused.

I am not sure 100% why, I am assuming nothing comes out. I suggest that perhaps your friend should email/call the clinic that did the procedure and ask some questions. They may need to make some revisions, or maybe they can just give your friend more helpful advice. As each surgeon has their own technique, and it may differ from my surgeon's technique.

It never hurts to email your clinic and ask them questions. Even 10 years later. Be persistent if you have to with emails and phone calls.

I hope this finds you and your friend well, and I hope your friend gets this figured out.

Stay golden to you both ✌️💙💜

-answersfromtheshadows, phalloplasty blog

[answersfromzestual]

also i'm so upset at the fearmongering surrounding phallo. it's so horribly stigmatized and you see so much abt detransitioning and ppl who are horrified by their experiences w/it and ppl who don't want it/are repulsed by it (even trans ppl!).

Yeah... I hear it all the time... It's a scary surgery and people are scared of what they don't know. There has been a lot of successful updates to how they do the surgery and how things work.

My wife literally told me that if I never told her I was trans, she would have never known.

I think it all stems from fear and no information on it. I can't even find a picture and it's 2023... I have a friend I met while at the hospital who had it about 6 years previously. He loved his and when I asked he said people can't tell either...

Surgeons do matter. It's important to find someone who is willing to show their previous work. I also (this may be biased) but I find the forearm so much better for skin than what I find many people want to use. All because you think some random cis person is going to know it's a phalloplasty? No, no one will know.

Just do your research on a surgeon, and don't expect to look like a p-rn star. They, like models, are picked for a specific look. So, you'll look different cause well, you aren't that dude.

A big thing is that people are so impatient that you forget they took skin and nerves from another part of your body and attached them. It's a new body part, and it does take some time to fully heal. Just because the stitches are out doesn't mean it's done healing. Nerves can take years to fully heal and for you to get complete feeling. And sensitivity depends on again you and where they take the skin from.

People expect to look like a p-rn star, and sometimes you don't look like that. Or they expect feeling everything right away, or being good in bed.

Then of course the fear of what we don't know and people like to take advantage of that to push their agenda.

I was told in the hands of a skilled surgeon the chances of it falling off are below 1% if you take care of yourself and listen. Edit: my surgeon told me in his office when I asked. He also agrees with us anon.

[answersfromzestual]

thank you so much for making this blog

You're welcome! I hope you have found it helpful and informative!

If you have any questions, you know where to find me 😄

I hope you have a wonderful weekend anon 💜💙

[answersfromzestual]

I just wanted to say thank you for starting this blog. With r/phallo still being gone (to my knowledge) it's been really hard to find info about phallo and hear people's experiences, and this has helped a lot already.

You're welcome, I'm so glad I can be helpful.

Thank you for taking the time to write this, anon. It made my heart all warm and fuzzy. I'm glad I can be of service.

I want to help spread the truth. I was lied to about phalloplasty a LOT when I was younger, being told they often fall off, or some friend of a friends horror story... I was always pushed towards metoidioplasty (nothing wrong with it, just not what I wanted).

I knew I wanted it since I was two. I wanted an average penis. I wanted for once to fit in, but as my true self.

I didn't care about what anyone said. To me I needed this penis to make me feel whole.

The only thing I had to go by was few medical journal entries, anti propaganda, and one amazing YouTube video that I feel has been wiped off the earth. That one video back in like 2005 was so amazing to see a dude, see him with this amazing phalloplasty penis.

I know others also need phalloplasty to have the penis they want, but there is so much misinformation, if any information at all.

I remember walking into the doctors office again (after top) and I was shaking. Worried about one thing "will it fall off?. When I finally asked "what are the chances of it falling off?" And the doctor said "there is less than a 1% chance, as long as you are healthy. And if it does fall off, you have another arm".

I didn't know basically anything about phalloplasty, in depth, until two weeks before my surgery.

There are lots of what ifs, but I'm here trying my best to answer those questions.

Sorry about my novel.

I wish you, anon the best, and everyone else.

✌️

[answersfromzestual]

To the anon asking about plus sized risks with phallo. The risks I seem to find specifically for a plus sized person are: blood flow issues with the skin, more difficulty healing after surgery, higher risk of infection (this goes up dramatically with diabetes) and anesthesia complications are possible.

Now. I have found some great links on just plus sized surgery risks alone, and then general phalloplasty risks, and lastly, the phalloplasty surgery i received explained by GRS Montreal (where my surgeron is located).

General plus sized surgical complications medical article

General phalloplasty surgical complications

The phalloplasty surgery I recieved from Montreal

[answersfromzestual]

afaik you could host your images on neocities as a free option?

Sadly my dear anon, I tried to make the site and it didn't like any of the words I used to "describe" my site contents... sigh... but I do appreciate you trying to help. You're a good person ✌️💙💜

Stay golden anon

[answersfromzestual]

Hope this ask finds you well! In one of your most recent posts where you did a FAQ thing for phallo, you mentioned you're able to ejaculate? And this might be a very personal and weird question so feel free to not share, you're already sharing quite a lot which is super enlightening. But uh. What like... comes out? What substance I guess. Because that's cool as hell that you can do that. But also How. That's sorcery.

I'm not sure what it is tbh... I've never known really before either and this is what Google is telling us my friend!

"a clear fluid from the Skene's glands (preserved during surgery) may flow from the urethra in an amount that varies from one person to another."

Source

Oddly enough this information is from my surgeons office 😅🤣

I guess I uh... am on the higher end 🫣🫣🫣