#kino loy x reader

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Star Wars

➼ Kino Loy ‣I Want You to Show Me Weak by tarabyte3 Kino Loy x F!Reader

➼ Din Djarin/The Mandalorian ‣Still of Your Hand by moonlight-prose Din Djarin x F!Reader ‣Sleepy Sex by saradika Din Djarin x F!Reader ‣Home Is Wherever I'm With You by saradika Din Djarin x F!Reader

➼ Boba Fett ‣Dance of the Desert Snake by seriowan Boba Fett x F!Reader ‣Maybe I Just Wanna Be Yours by saradika Boba Fett x F!Reader ‣Ex Libris by daimyosprincess Professor!Boba Fett x F!Librarian!Reader

➼ Paz Vizla ‣Bold by flightlessangelwings Paz Vizsla x F!Reader

➼ Cad Bane ‣Expensive Tastes by eloquentmoon Cad Bane x Rich!F!Reader

➼ Crosshair ‣Insufferable by thrawns-babygirl Crosshair x F!Reader [Part One] [Part Two] ‣Show Me by thrawns-babygirl Crosshair x F!Reader ‣Keeping it Casual by clonecyare Crosshair x F!Reader

dividers by saradika-graphics

[tarabyte3]

Remember You Are Half Water

Pairing: Kino Loy x f!Reader

(7.2 k words)

AO3 link

Summary: Drowning is easy. It's surviving that's hard. Or: After the prison break, you and Kino hide out on Narkina 5.

Warnings: (18+) Explicit, angst, enemies to lovers (kind of), they argue and not in the flirty way, vaginal sex, rough sex, unprotected sex, grim realism, survival situation, descriptions of drowning, descriptions of resuscitation, cpr, thoughts of death, thoughts of dying, talk of dying, mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of imprisonment, themes of death, themes of drowning, description of pain, dreams, nightmares, illness, self-indulgent melancholia

A/N: I accidentally wrote this after getting a random idea in my head while working on I Want You to Show Me Weak (my brain will do anything but finish a fic 😌), so have a surprise Kino oneshot. Just please mind the tags, especially with the events currently happening in the real world. This isn't a dark fic, but the tone is quite grim. (Mostly. I am still a filthy hopeless romantic, after all.) Also, I'm well aware of what Narkina 5 is supposed to look like, however I simply Do Not care 😌

Fic title is from The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. Collage quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Ocean.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me) it’s always ourselves we find in the sea

- e.e. cummings, maggie and milly and molly and may

Your lungs burn.

There's a weight across your shoulders, pulling you down and under the waves. Your arms are spent and heavy with exhaustion. You have no idea how long you’ve been swimming—dragging something through the water, but your muscles are on fire. Your lungs are on fire. It would be so easy to just give up.

To just let go.

Because you're so tired. You’ve heard drowning isn't so bad. Like going to sleep, they say. You can do that. That's nothing compared to this.

You catch sight of a face at your side, barely breaching the surface. His face. His eyes are closed and his mouth is slack. Like he's sleeping.

You go back to swimming.

“Breathe, goddamn you!” You sob. Even though you're numb from the cold, your hand is trembling as you pound against his back with your fist. Between the shoulder blades, behind his lungs. Every hit makes a wet slap. His white uniform is soaked through and nearly translucent. It clings to him. The water, greedy, still won't let him go. “Don't you fucking do this, you prick! Wake up!”

He doesn't flinch under your assault. Not even when you roll him back over onto the rocky sand and press a rhythm into his ribs.

This is worse, you think, because now you can see his face and feel the ghost of his angry stare, even through his closed eyelids. His skin is grey and clammy, his lips nearly blue, and his beard and hair are slick and dark with water. His expression is relaxed. Peaceful. Not asleep. He's never looked like that before. This isn't how he's supposed to look.

The only movement beneath your hands is the jolt of his body from the compressions.

You let out a scream of frustration.

The waves lap at your face, forcing salt up your nose on an inhale. You splutter, losing your grip on that arm slung around your shoulders, and for a moment it slips. You kick frantically at the water as you scramble for him.

“No—” Your voice gets choked off by the whitecap of another wave.

You grab at his face, drive it back above the surface, even as you plunge below it. Whatever else you were going to shout is lost in a cloud of bubbles. You're the only thing keeping him from sinking to the bottom now. Just you, clinging to the hope of life.

You can't think about that dead weight.

You fight back to the surface with a cough, spitting out a mouthful of saltwater. You have to keep moving. You have to keep—

You’re being shaken awake. The hand on your shoulder is warm, but the grip is almost harsh—unforgiving as the fingers dig into your flesh.

You blink your eyes open to find Kino staring down at you with a frown. The light from the small fire throws shadows across his face and deepens the lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth and along his forehead, making him look even more severe than he usually does.

“You were dreaming again,” he grumbles. Then he releases your shoulder without warning, nearly shoving away from you in the process, and he shuffles back across to his side of the small cave to resume lying down.

Now that you're conscious, all of your injuries and pains from the past few days come rushing back to fill your awareness. You let out a groan as you push yourself up off the cold stone floor. Not that sitting is any better—there’s a rock digging into your ass to prove your point, and you send it skittering. It doesn't make a difference. With a sigh, you rub the heels of your hands into your heavy eyelids in an attempt to clear the blurriness from your vision.

“Sorry,” you try, your voice hoarse with sleep. You quickly clear your throat and try again. “Didn't mean to wake you.”

He only grunts in response.

The sky at the mouth of the cave is a slate grey. It’s been raining the last few days—as if the water is trying to follow you ashore—so you aren't sure if the muted light is the growing dawn or due to the thick storm clouds that leave the landscape darkened, no matter where the sun is overhead. It's made everything damp and chilly, and you can feel it in every joint and bone. Between that, your desperate and adrenaline fueled escape from the prison, nearly drowning, and laying on the hard, rocky ground, your entire body aches.

You're both still wearing your white and orange uniforms, though they're worn and filthy now. More brown than white. The fabric is also next to useless outside of a temperature controlled environment, but you have nothing else to keep you warm and nothing at all for your feet. You’d gotten lucky that there had been driftwood piled inside the seaside cave, brought in by the tide and left safe from the rain. Kino had found several more pieces along the beach on that first day and dragged them into the shelter to dry out. Neither of you dared to venture any further afterwards, either from fear or exhaustion.

The last of the wood is burning between you, and, when it’s gone, there won't be anything left to keep the chill at bay. You know you’ll have to recommend sharing body heat at some point soon, but you're reluctant to do so because you also know it won't go over well. You're certain it's the last thing he wants, even if the alternative is stubbornly dying from exposure.

“Think they’ve moved on yet?” You ask, just to have something to distract you from your thoughts.

“Doubt it,” he replies in that gruff voice.

“Yeah,” you sigh. You slump forward and let your forearms rest on your knees, suddenly weary. “But we're going to have to leave eventually. We need food and real shelter.”

“You’re too weak to walk it,” he says to the cave wall.

“I’m fine,” you insist.

Kino's head whips around, and he meets your eyes with a glare. “No, you're not.” You let out a noise of disgust before you can reconsider, and his jaw clenches in response. “You nearly died.”

“Don’t start this again.” You mean it as a plea, but it comes out merely resigned in your exhaustion. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve had this argument since you first woke up to him coughing and shouting on the beach. You don't want to have it again.

“Like you’d listen anyway,” he says. And then he scowls, like you're the problem.

Alright, maybe you'll have it one more time.

“Gods, that bit of power really did go straight to your thick skull didn't it?” You laugh in disbelief. “Why can't you just accept that it was my choice? Mine!”

“I’m well aware of your poor decision making!” He shoots back. Then he sits up to face you, and now it's a proper fight, you think. “I’ve already told you, no one was supposed to die because of me!”

“And I already told you to get over yourself!” You fight the urge to roll your eyes. “Do I look fucking dead to you? Hmm?”

“Don't act like it wasn't a close call!”

“I never said it wasn't.” You pinch at the bridge of your nose in an attempt to keep your frustration at bay. Screaming won't make him listen to reason, no matter how good it will feel. “What would you have had me do, Kino? Just let you drown?”

“Yes,” he replies without hesitation.

“Well, I didn't.” Your arm flops to your side, too heavy to hold up now. “So maybe you should just consider being fucking grateful instead.”

“I didn't ask for this!” He snaps. It's followed by an immediate look of regret.

Oh. That's new. You take a moment to study his face—the way he can suddenly no longer meet your eyes, like he's ashamed of all things.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

You ignore his sardonic, “You.”

Because you don't understand him. Is he really this upset or his pride so wounded over the fact that he needed to be saved? Is he truly this angry just because someone—or more specifically you—saw him when he was weak after being in control for so long? Those are convenient reasons. They're probably even contributing to his horrid mood, but they don't feel as if they’re the reason. It's almost as if—

“You wanted to die.” The shocked realization tumbles from your lips before you can stop it.

There's a long, deafening beat of silence.

“You don't know what you're talking about,” he says quietly as he gathers those strong arms around himself and crosses them like a shield.

Part of your mind is screaming at you to just drop it. You’ve entered new territory. You've never made him defensive like this before, and you don't know how he'll react. But based on all of your previous interactions with him, you know it won't be pleasant. Which is an understatement. The stubborn part of you, however, hopes that this means you're actually making progress. And if you’ve come this far…

“Is that why you won't even try to leave this shit hole again?” You press. “Is that why you're trading one prison for another?”

“That has nothing to do with this,” he says as he narrows his eyes at you, and you're almost disappointed to hear some of his anger returning.

“Yeah right,” you scoff.

“Listen, neither of us is in any condition to evade the searches. All we’re going to accomplish is getting caught.” It sounds almost reasonable, but you know better. You know it for what it really is: a deflection. You did hit a nerve.

“That's only going to get worse,” you argue back. “The lack of food is going to weaken us further, assuming we don't freeze to death first.”

“And it will still be easier if we're not being hunted. We have to be patient,” he says as his frown deepens, frustration beginning to take root once again. “Let them think we’re dead or gone.”

“And how long will that take? Days? Weeks?”

“A hell of a lot longer than three days!”

“Fine. Then we should at least go out and do some scouting so we have an idea of which way to go when the time comes,” you offer instead. “We might even find supplies.”

“It's too risky,” he says dismissively as he waves you off. You bristle against the gesture. “We’re safe here. The cave entrance is hard to find, but if we go in and out too often, we’ll draw attention to ourselves.”

“There's always going to be risk, Kino, whether we leave tonight or a week from now. If we wait, it could be too late,” you point out. “For all we know, the Empire is sending a blockade to keep us all trapped here! Then what?”

“They aren't going to send a blockade for a prison break,” he scoffs.

“And how can you possibly know that?”

“How can you?”

“Why is it so hard for you to trust me?” You hate the hint of misery that seeps into your voice and betrays how much that idea pains you.

“Why should I? If I recall correctly, your judgment has nearly gotten you killed once already,” he says in a mocking tone.

You glare at him. “My judgment saved both our lives.”

He glares right back. “I'm starting to think that was sheer dumb luck.”

Oh, how fucking dare he. After everything you went through—

“I didn't realize you were such a coward,” you say coldly, desperate to hurt him as much as he's hurt you.

The tendons in his neck go taut with rage. “Fuck you,” he spits, but he no more than gets the words out when he's racked with a violent coughing fit. The force of it makes him double over onto the cave floor, and his body heaves with each one.

You wince at the sight, feeling ashamed of your comment now. You didn't want this.

The coughing spells are a parting gift from Narkina 5—the water still won't let him go. He's had a few of them since you got him to shore and forced the ocean from his lungs, and each one sounds a little bit worse than the one before. You're no healer, but that's obviously not a good sign. He needs medicine. You also haven't broached the subject with him because you know it will just start a fight.

As if everything you say doesn't start a fight.

You lean back to wait it out, letting your head thunk tiredly against the cave wall. There's nothing you can do to help him and trying will only make it worse—you learned that the hard way. Plus, it doesn't seem fair to argue with him while he's like this, even if you're only doing it to get through to him for his own good, the stubborn jerk.

It takes several minutes before he finally stops coughing long enough to get his breathing under control. Then he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, rights himself with as much dignity as he can muster, and gives you a cold, hard stare. “Go, then, if you're in such a hurry to end up back in a cell,” he grits out, his voice a strained, wet gravel.

“Fine,” you huff, pushing yourself to your feet. “Stay here and waste away if you want. See if I care. I can find a way off this slag heap by myself.”

You almost make it past the mouth of the cave.

The moment your foot touches the rain slicked rock, the combination of fatigue and an unsteady gait causes you to slip. You hit the ground with a grunt, landing hard on your hip. Sharp, hot pain shoots through the joint, curling up your spine and down your leg. The shock of it takes your breath away, and your eyes sting with fresh tears.

Oh, brilliant, you think caustically. Of all the times to fall on your ass.

Behind you, Kino swears. A second later, you hear the slap of his bare feet on rock as he stomps towards you.

“Broken?” He doesn't quite snap the question at you, but it's a near thing.

“No,” you choke out.

“You have a fucking death wish,” he growls before he hauls you to a sitting position.

Despite the pain, that statement makes you laugh, though it's a bitter, near hysterical sound. You tilt your head back to grin up at him. “Guess we make quite the pair, huh?”

He doesn't respond.

He just shoves his hands under your armpits in an attempt to get a grip on you with those thick fingers. Then your laughter quickly dissolves into a wounded hiss as he drags you back into the cave with no care for your new injury. You're not sure why you suddenly expected him to start coddling you. He never did before.

He dumps you back into the spot you’ve been occupying, glad to be rid of you, and you catch yourself with your hands before you land in a heap.

“Asshole,” you mutter under your breath.

After that, neither of you speaks for a while, content to sit and lick your wounds in what passes for peace now. Eventually, the pain in your hip lessens to a dull throb and the fire is reduced to embers, the long hours sucking the heat out of both.

Outside, the sky has gotten a bit lighter, but is still that dreary mask of grey that makes time feel nebulous. Unknowable. The rain, at least, had turned into a mist about an hour ago. Without the sound of the drops echoing throughout the cave, the silence is unforgiving. Every shuffle along the rock, every sniffle or sigh, every brush of clothes is harsh between you.

“Why are you so mad at me?” You finally ask, desperate for any noise that isn't him heavily exhaling a whistle through his nose.

“I already told you,” he replies, emotionless.

“I’m not talking about that,” you sigh. “You hated me the moment I stepped onto the floor.”

In the low light, there's a brief look of shock on his profile before his scowl returns in full force. “I didn't hate you.”

“Yes you did. You could barely look at me. And you yelled at me all the time.” He opens his mouth to protest, but you continue on so he can't interrupt you. “Look, I understand, in a way. I was slower than nearly all of the men, and you were pissed about being stuck with me. But it's not like I did it on purpose.”

“It wasn't that.” There's a renewed touch of exasperation in his voice. You're intimately familiar with that tone. You’ve heard the way he normally sounds when speaking to other people—got to see what it was like without ever experiencing it yourself—but you’ve never spoken to him without receiving either his impatience or his distaste. You prepare yourself for another fight.

“Then why? Because I was a distraction?” Your bitterness bleeds from you, an anguish built from months of labor and fear. And loneliness, you think. Because, even though you’d been constantly surrounded by people, you’d never felt so completely and utterly alone.

“It's nothing.” He rolls onto his side to face the cave wall, intent on ignoring you.

“It clearly wasn't nothing,” you respond dryly.

“Just drop it,” he says over his shoulder.

“No.” You cross your arms. You're done listening to him just because he tells you to. You don't have to now. You're not in there anymore. “After everything, I think I deserve to know what I did to have you treat me that way.”

“And I don't want to fucking talk about it,” he growls.

“Well, too damn bad! Because there's nothing else to talk about, and I want to know why you hated me when all I wanted was—” You cut yourself off with a hitched breath before you accidentally finish that sentence.

Fighting is one thing. That's easy. Safe. But this is something big and messy that you're still trying to come to terms with, made all the more complicated by your current situation, which was already plenty complicated before. This will only make things worse. You know it will. And despite all the hurtful things you’ve said to each other, you wouldn't be able to stomach his rejection. His pity. His disgust—couldn’t handle being forced to endure it while stuck in this damned cave and made to wallow in the forced intimacy of the space that's anything but. No, this is the one truth you could never take back.

To your embarrassment, your voice is rough and raw with emotion when you speak again. “When all I wanted was to be treated like a person.”

“If that's what you wanted, you were in the wrong place,” he says coldly to the cave wall. “Now shut up and let me sleep.”

“No!” You shout. You no longer care if you’re being petulant because you are angry about it. You’ve been holding onto the feeling for months, but you're tired now. You don't want to carry it around anymore. “I won't let you bully me into silence. I want the truth.”

“Keep your voice down!” He hisses as he flings himself upright to glare at you. Every bit of him is rigid with tension. Dangerous. At least he's looking at you again.

“Then answer me!” You stubbornly glare back at him. “You owe me that much.”

“Fine! I was afraid, alright?” He finally snarls, reminding you of a cornered animal, spitting as it lashes out. “Is that what you want to hear? That you were right? That I'm a coward?”

“What?” All of your anger leaves you in a sudden rush. The hiding, the running, the water—that fear you can understand. But this? You stare at him in genuine confusion. “Why?”

“Because I was scared shitless about what could happen to you! That place was cruel to the men it was designed for. Whatever it had in store for you was going to be much worse. I thought…” He runs a hand down his face and over the scruff of his beard, now grown out beyond a neat trim. The action wipes his own anger away, and underneath it is something human: exhaustion and vulnerability. “I thought, if I kept you at a distance, it would hurt less when it finally broke you, but you made it so damn hard.”

“Oh,” you breathe out in shock, as though you’ve just had the wind knocked out of you. You have, in a way, because, gods, what can you possibly say to that? It's the last thing you were expecting—realistically, you thought he was worried your lack of strength or speed would get someone else killed. This, however…you couldn't have even imagined this. The implication of it… “Kino—”

“Don't. Okay?” He cuts you off. And then he turns away to shut you out as well. “Just…fucking don't.”

So instead you sit there in the uneasy quiet of the cave, feeling adrift. Helpless. Like you're right back in the middle of the ocean, at the mercy of the waves, with nothing to hold onto to keep from sinking; there’s only water in your fumbling grasp. At least then you'd known which way you were supposed to go, it was the getting there that was the problem. Now you don't even have that. You wonder if you’d have the energy to even try if you did.

A part of you wants nothing more than to reexamine every interaction, every look, and every word he’s ever spoken to you and see what you might uncover that you'd missed, but you can't do that with him right there. His presence just muddles everything up until you can't help but mix reality and memory, past and present, assumption and realization. You're nearly dizzy with it.

Plus, knowing that things weren't so black and white between you doesn't change what happened or how you feel. You’ve been hurting and angry for a while—especially at him, and most of which he still deserves for how he treated you. That something more existed lessens the intensity of those feelings, but it doesn't erase them completely. Not yet. Reconciling what you know and what you thought you knew will only come with time.

To the rest of you, however, that reconciliation doesn't seem as important as your fear at almost losing him or the realization that there is something more than just hatred on his end. Even if that thing is nothing more than kindness and compassion, it's something. And you could have died not knowing that. Or worse, you could have lived without knowing instead.

Gods, complicated is an understatement. If only you could have wanted something easy for once. You wonder if he thought the same thing as he watched you from across the work floor. And it feels odd to think that maybe it's not such an unrealistic hope anymore.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, breaking the silence between you at last.

He laughs, and it manages to sound condescending. The familiarity of it is grounding. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

“I guess…” What are you apologizing for? For misunderstanding him? For making his life harder, even if it wasn't your fault? For not agreeing with him? For being unable to shoulder his anger? For continuing to push and push and push. Maybe all of it, you realize. For your part in the making of this. “I guess for saving you when you didn't want me to,” you answer with a shrug instead.

At first, you think he isn't going to respond to that, and you can no longer find it in yourself to blame him. But then, with a voice that’s softer than you’ve ever heard from him—weren’t even sure he was capable of it—he says, “It's not that I didn't want to be saved.”

“Then why? Help me to understand, Kino,” you plead, praying that he won't clam up or lash out again. Not when you've come so far. “Please.”

He gives you a heavy, resigned look before settling his attention on the cave entrance where his gaze becomes unseeing. Though there are only a few feet between you, he suddenly seems miles away.

“When we were planning all of this, I knew what was waiting for us on the outside. I mean, they built the fucking thing in the middle of an ocean and I can't swim. How ironic is that? All that work, and I was gonna make it to the door just to drown.” Then, quietly, “I never gave a thought to what I would do if I didn't. Now I've got no clue what comes next.”

“Neither do I,” you say in disbelief.

He lets out a dark laugh. “Sure don't act like it,” he mutters.

“I’m just better at hiding it.” You give him a small smile that he cannot see.

“Maybe I should be, too,” he muses to himself. “It’d be a hell of a lot better than feeling so lost.”

“Hiding it doesn't make that go away,” you say sadly. You know that all too well.

His only reply is a non-committal hum, and it suddenly occurs to you that he has no clue what you actually went through. How could he? He lept into the water and woke up on shore with nothing but darkness in between. All he knows is that you saved him. Without the rest, he thinks he's struggling alone.

“I almost gave up, you know,” you admit quietly.

That gets his attention again. He turns to look at you, and his eyes are wide with fear and concern. “What?” He gasps.

“I could barely see the shore when the adrenaline wore off. When faced with that distance, all that water, and no strength left?” You shrug in an attempt to seem unbothered, even as the memory fills you with dread. “For one horrible moment, I suppose drowning just seemed easier.” Like going to sleep, you don't say. “But I couldn't. I looked at you, and I couldn't. Not without trying first. And before you say anything, leaving you behind was never an option. Not for me. If this place was going to win, it was going to have to take us both.”

“I never wanted that,” he says helplessly. “When I came to and saw you laying there, I thought you were dead.” His voice breaks and he takes in a deep, shaky breath, but it does little to steady him. “I knew then what you did for me, and I thought it killed you. That after everything, it was me. I broke you, and it wasn't worth it. Not me.”

“You didn't,” you insist, desperate to make him listen. You recognize that despair because it's the same one that haunts your dreams and doesn't let go when you're awake. It's the same fear that grips your chest in icy fingers whenever you catch his sleeping face or you're forced to sit by and listen to him cough—the water still won't let him go. You understand now that he needs the reassurance that it's over just as much as you do. So you push yourself to your knees and dare to move closer, despite the protest of your aching body. “I’m right here. See? I was just tired afterwards, that's all. Just tired. I’m right here.”

Without warning, he reaches for you, and, even though he's never harmed you, you flinch thinking maybe you’ve finally pushed him too far. Only, he grabs the front of your uniform and pulls you to him, just as unkindly as he dragged you across the cave. And then you think he's going to scream again, but when he opens his mouth, he leans in and crushes your lips together instead.

You freeze against him.

Because Kino Loy is kissing you, and that can't be right. He hates you. His mouth can only scowl and scream and cough and—there’s a little grunt from the back of his throat as he adjusts the angle of your lips, and, oh, this is real. Without another thought, you're kissing him back.

At first, there's only tentative relief—at the reassurance, the sensation, at finally getting something you want—but heat starts to build in the breath-humid space between your bodies the longer you kiss and kiss. Something born of more than lust or desire. And though they flicker in your belly as well, it's a bone deep desperation to feel alive that drives you forward and aches to be quelled.

When you break apart to catch your breath, he rests his forehead against yours. Close enough for your noses to brush together and to feel each hard exhale—that blessed, life sustaining air—across your skin.

“I’m sorry,” he says with a sob. His voice is low and thick with grief against your mouth. The sound and shape of it is so different from his anger—in the low light, only a ghost of that harshness is left, clinging to the shadowy lines of his face. You don't have to ask what he's apologizing for.

“Show me,” you whisper back. You let your lips brush over his again in invitation. He responds by delving into the wet heat of your mouth and wrapping you in his arms with a moan.

So you give yourself over to the exploration of his tongue against yours and his large, callus roughened hands as they engulf the sides of your face, caught in the whirlwind of him. It leaves you breathless faster than you like, and when you break for air again, you don't want to give him a moment to change his mind or to pull away completely. So your mouth wanders to his cheeks, the scruff on his jaw, his Adam's apple, the hollow of his throat above the collar of his uniform—seeking out every bit of him that you can reach as he pants and swallows beneath your lips.

He smells like sweat and smoke and saltwater, and his skin is sharp and briny on your tongue as you lap at a spot on his neck. He tastes like drowning, and for a moment you're lost in the memory of him in the water, his weight pulling you beneath the waves. His lifeless face staring up at you from the shore. But then he sucks in a sharp breath, jolting you back to the present, and his lips are on yours again. Warm. Alive. Not the cold flesh you forced air through. Not the same shared breath.

“Wanna see you,” you gasp into his mouth as you lift at the hem of his shirt.

Without a word, he moves to obey.

You both peel away your filthy uniforms with trembling hands, revealing bodies that are just as dirty and unwashed to the chilled air, but beneath all of that is color. His flush of arousal. Bruises that are starting to fade, a gruesome rainbow of healing. The shadows playing in the shifting of muscle as he reaches for you to pull you back into the warmth of his arms. Alive.

He's the first soft thing you’ve touched after days of nothing but rock. And before that, months of only tools and labor and struggle. You bask in the sensation: The greying hair on his chest, the roundness of his belly and hips, salt dried skin, his palm on your cheek. The other on your thigh. He’s softer than you remember from when you were hauling him through the waves—

You wrap your hand around his cock, and his heartbeat throbs in your fist. Alive.

He lets out a groan when you stroke him, something deep and guttural that rumbles through the cave like thunder. The sound sends blood and heat rushing to your core, where it pools between your thighs and leaves you aching and empty. You tease the silken foreskin over his length and work your thumb along the underside of the swollen head just to hear more of it.

With a growl, he falls upon you, pulling you in for a bruising kiss, all teeth and tongues and hunger. His hand cups the swell of your breast while his thumb circles your nipple. You cry out and arch into the roughness of his hand. Then you're both eagerly groping and learning all the ways you can draw more noises from each other until you're left squirming against the insistent throbbing between your legs.

“I want you inside of me,” you murmur into his mouth.

He clenches his eyes shut as his breath hitches, and you're thrilled you can get that reaction out of him. But then he opens his eyes again and, in a shaky voice, asks, “You're sure?”

“Yes!” You growl, impatient. “Fuck me, Kino.”

He lets out a groan. “If you keep that up, I’m not gonna last very long.”

“Don't care as long as your cock is inside me first.”

“Fuck!” He hisses. His hips involuntarily jerk forward at the thought, and said cock grinds into the bend of your groin. “Then I'll give you what you want.”

After that reaction, you think he's going to throw you down and do just that. Instead, his touch gentles, his palm cradling the base of your skull as he lays you out along the rock. The movement doesn't make you feel delicate or like something that's injured and cowering in a cave, but rather like something to be revered.

This is his apology.

A caress along your inner knee has your legs falling open, leaving you exposed before him. Before you can be self-conscious about it, he gives your arousal a heated look that drives the thought from your mind. Then he traces a fingertip up the tender skin of your thigh, and fire licks from your thigh to your belly.

For a moment, you wonder what it would be like to have this on the other side of the galaxy. Not in a cave, but in a bed, warm and clean with a full stomach. Maybe it would be sweet like this between you the whole time rather than something that's taking an effort just to maintain. Because you know this is only a moment—a reprieve. It can't last, not when that cold desperation and panic are rebuilding within your gut.

It's a lovely thought. But by the time he kneels between your thighs, you need again. You pull him down and he goes willingly, falling to brace his hands on the stony ground on either side of your shoulders. Then you hold your breath as he closes the distance, slowly, until the length of his cock is resting and throbbing, flush against your sex.

Your hips grind up against him, trapping him between your heat and his belly so that when he thrusts back, seeking more, he drags himself along your wet folds; the sensitive head of his cock rubs against your clit. Both of you moan, wounded and strangled sounds. So he does it again. And again. Over and over until you're both gasping and shuddering at the slick friction.

All the while he stares down at you, studying you. Taking in the way your face contorts and breaks with pleasure. His eyes are sea blue, you realize—the water, greedy—so wild and deep and pulling you in. It sets your pulse racing and makes your palms sweat against his shoulders. You turn away from the intensity in that gaze.

“No.” To your surprise, he takes your chin between his finger and thumb, not gentle but steady, and he forces you to look anyway. To face him. “Let me see you.”

He holds you there with the weight of his body as he shifts to nudge at your opening. It's so close to what you need. Your legs wrap around his waist in silent encouragement. Then, once he's lined up, he sinks forward with a groan and stretches you open on his cock until you're aching and full.

His mouth goes slack. Those eyes become heavy and lidded. Not closed—alive. Which makes all the difference to your wounded mind. So you drink in the sight of him like this, buried in the tight embrace of your cunt. A ruinous look.

You're drowning again.

It scares you, just how much you want to give yourself over and let go. How easy it would be to become lost. To believe that this is something more than desperation. But then his eyes refocus and whatever tenderness had gripped him is absent from that gaze. In its place is hunger. Need. Urgency.

“Gods, you're so tight,” he grinds out from behind clenched teeth as he gives a shallow thrust into you. The sound goes straight to your core, soaking him further. “Feels so good.”

Then he finally—finally—fucks you. Hard and fast.

The ground is cold and unrelenting beneath your spine where you're folded and crushed against it. Above you, he's blanketing you in heat and the delicious slide of flesh along your nerves. A lovely contrast already, but then his hand finds your hip, his fingers digging into your fresh bruise, and you gasp from the pain—it hurts, but if it hurts that means you're alive. He doesn't stop at the sound. Instead, there's understanding in those eyes as he pulls you in to meet each plunge of his cock, and, oh, that's even better.

You spare a thought for his knees right before he shifts. Then he's dragging against that spot inside of you, and your mind goes blissfully empty with pleasure. Your head falls back, weightless with it. At that opening, he buries his face in your neck, muffling every grunt into your skin. He presses the vibrations of them into your flesh and bones alongside his exhales, the scrape of his beard, the unconscious skim and purse of his lips. You shiver.

You won't come from this alone, but you don't care. This is enough. You just need to feel something—need the proof that he's alive. That you're alive. That this IS real and not some drawn out hallucination your dying brain came up with between the span of one heartbeat and your last.

But it has to be real. Even in your darkest moments, alone in your cell, you never allowed yourself to want this—the thing you could not have. The galaxy had been cruel enough on its own without any assistance from you. So there were no images or dreams in your mind to conjure this from. Which means these messy kisses, the wet noise of your joining, your sweat slicked skin, his hair, salt-stiffened and curled between your fingers, must be real. It also means every moment of this is new and unburdened by expectation or comparison.

It's everything else that haunts you.

All too soon, and just as promised, his body grows tense, and he starts to tremble above you. Between your exhaustion and his unrelenting pace, this was never intended to last. And he's so close, but when he meets your eyes, you see hesitation. Uncertainty. When he moves to pull away, you realize he means to finish by stroking and spilling himself across your belly instead. But that isn't what you need.

“No! Don’t,” you beg. Your legs tighten around his waist, and you grasp at his neck and shoulders, unwilling to let him go with a strength that surprises you both. Then you roll your hips and grind yourself onto his cock, dragging a hiss out of him. “I want to feel you.”

He groans as he yields to your plea, too near that edge to argue, so he falls right back into a punishing rhythm. Yet underneath the hunger and determination, there's anguish now, too. As if by doing this, he remains afraid he'll break you somehow. Still, he clings to your hips as every thrust turns short and sharp with purpose until, at last, he buries himself fully and chases that relief in the depths of your cunt.

When he comes, the only sound he makes is a harsh sob. And then his cock is pulsing inside of you, filling you with warmth. Life.

Alive. Alive. Alive.

He collapses heavily at your side with a few wet coughs, spent and too exhausted to hold himself up any longer. You lay there for a moment, listening to his ragged breathing, unsure of what comes next. You're afraid he’ll push you away once his mind clears. That he’ll go back to hating you from across the cave, now muggy with the scent of sex, as his come leaks down your thighs.

He doesn't.

Instead, he holds his arms open in silent invitation and you realize he's offering you a choice: move forward with or without him. And this time, you know he accepts that it's your decision to make. But you’ve already made this choice once, when you watched him slip beneath the waves. When you dove for him in the water, hauled him back out of it, and then forced it from his lungs. It was just as easy to make then. Maybe now he’ll understand what it means.

You go to him and curl against him in acceptance. He kisses the fragile skin of your temple, and then he helps you get settled by tucking your head under his chin and rubbing warmth in a soothing pattern along your stone chilled back. Your hand finds his waist. His leg entangles with yours. Back and forth until there's nothing but drying sweat between you, as if you have always fit together in this way.

You want to savor this. More than that, you want to have this if you can. If he’ll let you. If he doesn't go back to holding you at a distance out of habit and self-preservation in a day or so, always waiting for the worst to happen and scared of the hurt that might follow. As if anything could be worse than losing him now. Then he really would be the thing that broke you. A self fulfilling prophecy. You almost want to laugh at the irony.

All at once, the silence feels heavier than you can bear.

“Never again tell me you aren't worth it,” you whisper fiercely to the cave. “You are to me.”

He doesn't respond, but the hand splayed over your ribs twitches before clutching you tighter.

“We’ll try in the morning,” he says quietly instead. Under your ear, the compromise rumbles loudly throughout his chest. Beneath that, his steady heartbeat.

His statement doesn't fill you with anything as naive as hope. The Empire is still looking for you, and they aren't ever going to stop now. You’ve only traded imprisonment for the illusion of freedom. The thought claws at you, threatens to pull you under. But there's an arm around your shoulders that squeezes as it holds you close, and you remember that you can't let go. You can't lose him. You won't. You have to keep moving.

“In the morning,” you agree.

"Hey,” he said, half-asleep, “what were you before me?” “I think I was drowning.” A pause. “And what are you now?” he whispered, sinking. I thought for a second. “Water."

- Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

A/N: The song for this fic is Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish btw.

[amywritesthings]

it's time to celebrate amymas !!

I have never done a fully-realized writing challenge, but I'm happy to announce that I have created my first-ever original holiday prompt to thank all of my readers, both old and new, for supporting me through 2023:

Welcome to The Twelve Days of Amymas!

From December 1 - December 31, I will be posting twelve original one shots with some fan-favorite pairings we have not seen in a while, as well as a few new faces. The short stories are all holiday or winter-themed. Some will have mature elements. See what's cookin' for the holidays below!

THE FIRST DAY

Din Djarin x Princess : First Snowfall (Chapter 16 of Point A to Point B)

THE SECOND DAY

Nanami Kento x Reader : Mistletoe

THE THIRD DAY

Joel Miller x Gibson Girl : Holiday Decorating (from the series: Seeing You, Seeing Me)

THE FOURTH DAY

Levi Ackerman x James : Snowball Fight (from the series: Silver Underground)

THE FIFTH DAY

Gojo Satoru x Reader : Holiday RomComs

THE SIXTH DAY

Eddie Munson x Reader : Holiday Lights Crawl (from the series: The Freak & the Valedictorian)

THE SEVENTH DAY

Dieter Bravo x Reader : Hallmark Movie Set Surprise (from the series: Same Old Mistakes)

THE EIGHTH DAY

Astarion x Tav : Winter Ball (Part 4 of The Better Strategy)

THE NINTH DAY - CHRISTMAS EVE

Armin Arlert x Reader : First Christmas

THE TENTH DAY

Kino Loy x Reader : Wish (Chapter 4 of Ownership of Mine)

THE ELEVENTH DAY

Reiner Braun x Reader : Gingerbread Houses

THE TWELFTH DAY - NEW YEAR'S EVE

Choso Kamo x Reader: New Year's Kiss

note: prompts and posting order are subject to change. asterisks are finished.

[dancerinthestorm]

Fic Recs: "Didn't see that one coming" edition...

I've been wanting to start collecting my all time favorite stories in ages but never knew where to start, there are just too many talented souls out there. A lazy day of re-reading favorites makes me want to finally give it a try though.

Featuring today: stories that defy my usual hunting patterns but still became all time favourites against all odds. Stories leaving me utterly gobsmacked thinking "That was so, soo awsome... but how on earth did I end up in this fandom / character / trope tag of all places?".

@messy-insomniac-bookgirl Let's be honest: this writer is the spirit animal of this specific selection. Never heard of the fandom? Dislike the protagonist with a passion? Doesn't matter: she writes it, I devour and love it. The reason? Dense and hugely rewarding story-telling, perfect pacing, side characters you want to adopt on the spot, delicious slow burns with sooo much yearning. And, most importantly, the awesome female OCs. I am in love with each and every one of them, regardless who they share a screen with. It's almost impossible to select just one story for this list but let's go for "Keep Calm and Buckle Up" (AO3) for suddenly making me feel things when Steve Rogers entered the stage in "Infinity War". Steve Rogers x OFC, James "Bucky" Barnes x OFC, Steve x Bucky x OFC. Action, slow burn, emotional roller coaster rides. Rated E.

@batsingotham "Written in the stars" (AO3) I don't do Soul Mate AUs. I don't do Robert Pattinson characters. For me the best things about "The Batman" were Andy Serkis' Alfred and 3 hours of Niravana in a loop. But the undisputed goddess queen of slow burn domestic fluff overruled all of that. Bruce Wayne/Reader. Soulmate AU. Dorks in love. Bruce needs a hug and Alfred has the patience of a saint. Rated M.

"Sweet Conversations" by @glassgulls Lord of the Rings has been living in my head rent free ever since I was a teenager but I simply don't do Elves. Period. Yes, Glorfindel is very cool and Lee Pace's Thranduil is an absolute vision (the costumes, the voice and the make up, mind you, don't get me started on any other aspect of the Hobbit movies though...) but otherwise? Thanks but no thanks. Nevertheless: the award for best fictional kiss I’ve come across in ages goes to this gem. Amazing scene setting and character work for something so short. Leaves you weak-kneed and high as a kite on serotonin for the rest of the day. Haldir/Reader. One-shot. Rated M.

„Ownership of Mine“ by @amywritesthings . Okay, lets be honest, peeps: Prison settings for a romance story? Seriously? Who in their right mind would be able to think about romance and seduction when all of your freedom is taken away, you are crammed into a small and dark space with people of questionable character and put under constant surveilance. Well… apparently I can… with this story. Even if that tag is a big red NO GO sign for me otherwise. Amazingly dense story telling and atmosphere building in just 3 short chapters. Kino Loy/Reader. Rated E.

„Directions“ by @zinzinina . Probably a sure sign that I am getting too old for all of this but tags about age gaps, first love or first times usually make me run for the hills. Add a character like Poe Dameron (I mean: come on! Howww…?!) to the mix and there is not enough willing suspension of disbelieve in the world to get me immersed in the plot. Or so I thought. Unwisely. Until this beauty came along. Poe Dameron/Reader. Rated E.

[saradika]

[masterlist]

This is the list of the incredible fics I’ve read and shared this month for the stardust reblog challenge! Includes ones read here and on my side blog, @eupheme (in case there’s any confusion!) 💖

STAR WARS

'tis the damn season by @maybege

Years after you last saw Boba Fett, Natalie invites you to spend Christmas with her family. | hot dad!boba x f!reader

ownership of mine. (part 2) & (part 3) by @amywritesthings

You have been in Narkina 5 for four months. The unit believes you are in a secret relationship with Kino Loy. (Are you?) | kino loy x f!reader

Before. When. After. by @littlemisspascal

There is a story before, when, and after Keef Girgo enters your life | ruescott melshi x f!eader

Zena Thamne (Cuyan Series) by @againstacecilia

Your fiance disappears two months before your wedding on a dangerous hunt. Fearing the worst and desperate to find him, you accept help from a reluctant Mandalorian and set off in search of your groom. | din djarin x f!reader

Take My Hand by @princessxkenobi

after a fresh snow has fallen over all the forest, you & your darling obi wan sneak away from the cottage for some ice skating; your hearts, all the while held within each other’s palms | obi-wan kenobi x f!reader

Patience by @oscarseyebrow

 “Show me how you caught him,” you request, eyes daring the bounty hunter as his chest heaves in the fluorescent lights of the Crest’s hull. “Show me how you took control.” | din djarin x female reader 

By Your Side by @princessxkenobi

In the softened afterglow of the fireplace, things take a heated turn between you and anakin, where all that you begin to sense there, is your shared waves of longing and intimacy, wanting just to be together | anakin x f!reader

Unwavering by @uwingdispatch

You are so precious to me,” he said. “Do you know that? I never…” he trailed off for a moment, closing his big hazel eyes, taking a deep breath. “I never had the courage to tell you how much I love you, but if something happens today and I never get to see you again—” | brasso x f!reader

A Touch of Peppermint by @princessxkenobi

hot chocolate doesn’t exist where Din Djarin is from, & thankfully you had been there just to show him what it’s all about; that is…if either one of you doesn’t get distracted for too long to enjoy it first ...❄️ | din djarin x f!reader

Flowers that Bloom in Winter by @psychedelic-ink

A spiteful coworker ruins the flower arrangements you had hoped to compete with. Not knowing what can be done, you entertain a young boy named Grogu who comes in at the same time wanting to buy a bouquet for his father. The next day, Din returns and offers to help you out with your work until a competition. | din djarin x f!reader

MARVEL / DC

A Cause For Celebration by @andrewrussgarfield

In which Peter Parker shows up at your front door with a slightly smashed cupcake and a whispered "Happy Birthday". | tasm!peter x afab!reader

Bitten by Fate by @stargirlfics

After a Halloween party at an abandoned mansion, you wake up to discover strange bites on your body and a note inviting you back | vampire!stucky x black f!reader

STARDEW VALLEY

Nothing Comes from Nothing by @hometownbard

All it took was a production of The Sound of Music for you to finally confront your feelings for Harvey, the show's leading man. | harvey x farmer

PEDRO PASCAL & OSCAR ISAAC

Live Fires & Low Lights by @wyn-n-tonic

“You're teasing me, sweetheart.” | javier peña x f!reader

frankie request by @softanon

A scoop of fluff with Dad!Frankie, with a bonus appearance of young Júlia Morales. | frankie morales x gn!reader

expectations by @pedrito-friskito

It was only supposed to be a job. | joel miller x f!reader

Did You Think I Had Forgotten? by @wyn-n-tonic

She’d fucking hate him if she could. | santiago x f!reader

VIOLENT NIGHT

All is Calm by @clydesducktape

Nicholas returns home looking battered and bruised. A reminder of a past life you’ve shared that leads to him needing your comfort and joy. | santa!harbour x f!reader

These fics are all so lovely - please check them out and please support these creators! 💖✨

[tarrenterror25]

Some fic updates!

IAFMWBTY This one....whew. That last chapter messed with me mentally and I wasn’t expecting it to. But we’re over the hill and rolling down now! Chapter 5 is being written right now! It’s another tough one to write, but I’m excited for it!

When the Night is Over The outline has been made up and the first three chapters are written! Unedited of course, but my plan is to post the first chapter once chapter 5 of IAFMWBTY is up!

Running the Numbers A short Kino Loy oneshot that I’m hoping to have out soon! It’s already written, just needs to go through the editing process. I finished it and wasn’t going to post it, but now I want to again!

[imagineandimagine]

Such a Tease

Chapter 1: Look but don’t touch

Pairing: Kino Loy X Reader

Warning: A few sexy things occur in this chapter so be warned. ;)

You were kidnapped from your planet by a crew of space pirates and then captured again by the empire and sent to Narkin 5 without a trial because they just assumed that you were part of the pirate crew. Suffice to say, you had a really bad day.

-

Everything hurt as you walked the hall after being zapped by the guards in order to demonstrate why any resistance was futile. The automatic doors opened to reveal a room filled with workers at their stations. There was a sudden silence the moment you entered the room and then immediately after that, a flood of whispers.

“Quiet!” you heard someone command from down bellow.

One of the guards shoved you onto the platform in front of you. As the platform slowly went down you looked around the room, a muscular man with salt and pepper hair caught your eye immediately, he had this air about him where you instantly knew that he was the one in charge, even though he was wearing the same uniform as you. You became self-conscious when you realized that your eyes were locked on that man a little too long so you quickly looked away.

When the guards finally left, the man you were eyeing before approached you. “This is unit 5 2D. My name is Kino Loy, I’m the 5 2D unit manager…” he then proceeded to explain how everything worked around the place. “Name?”

“Y/N!” you blurted out before you realized that perhaps you should have given him a name you made up, but somehow you felt like he would be able to tell, and you didn’t want to get on this man’s bad side right from the start.

Kino lead you to your table and told you to watch the men do a few rounds before you started helping them. You watched them for a bit, it was the exact same thing over and over, so it wasn’t too long before you got to work.

-

After a few hours the work was so monotonous that you were already extremely bored. You looked around the room and your understood why everyone was constantly stealing glances your way. It wasn’t because you were new, it was because you were the only woman in the room. You started to feel even more uncomfortable than before.

“Back to work!” Kino’s booming voice echoed and everyone that kept stopping their work to stare at you seemed to snap back to reality.

The men at your table introduced themselves to you but they seemed to be tired after a long day so they weren’t very talkative after that. They helped you a few times when you got stuck so they seemed nice enough. There was this one tall man at your table named Gor who would not stop staring at you, for a moment you looked back at him thinking that he had something to say but he remained silent, only giving you this unsettling smile. You were starting to wonder if it was possible to switch tables.

-

Then there was the shower situation. You were horrified when the guards told you to take a shower in plain view of everybody but what else could you do. You slunk back against the wall to the corner at the very end of the room with your back to everyone.

You looked over your shoulder and thankfully everyone seemed to be looking straight ahead, everyone except Gor that is. Gor was a few rows ahead of you facing your direction with that creepy smile of his not even trying to hide that he was staring straight at you. You felt panic shoot through you, at first you wanted to wait until everyone left and then sneak out and get your uniform but that was out of the question now. You feared that Gor would stay behind and try to corner you, what would you do then? The water stopped, and everyone started walking towards the exit, but to your horror just as you expected, Gor was walking toward the back of the room, towards you.

You kept your eyes on him so that your knew where he was and you frantically tried to think of a way to escape, but you were still naked so you really didn’t want to draw attention to yourself. You tried to look for the guards but there were none to be seen. You looked back and Gor was gone. Oh no… where is he… at this point you were expecting him to jump out at you at any moment, your eyes started to sting you wanted to cry so badly. When you heard a commotion a few feet ahead of you. You couldn’t see what was going on, a small group of still naked men seemed to be surrounding someone and one of the guards ran in your direction with a large towel and covered you. You wrapped the towel tightly around yourself as you were led out of the shower-room by the guard.

-

The guard let you change in a separate room, but you could still hear people shouting at each other. When you were finally dressed you tapped the guard on the shoulder to signal that you were ready, the guard that escorted you out of the shower looked uncomfortable, like he fucked up or something. He turned to you. “Look… I shouldn’t be doing this but in order to avoid any further incidents take this key.” He gave you a key on a long piece of black ribbon “It’s a key to one of our private showers. I never use it. Do NOT tell anyone about it.” He pointed to a door at the opposite end of the room.

You put the key around your neck and under your uniform. This was a huge relief, you almost thought that you would have to go through the entire ordeal every day, you would hug the man but in the end he was a guard. Then you remembered something he said “What do you mean by incident?”

The man looked flustered, he cleared  his throat and threw his shoulders back trying to seem intimidating “No questions. Get back to work.” He said as he pointed you towards a door.

The door suddenly flew open and Kino Loy dashed into the room panting and looking frantic, he had fresh scratches across his neck and his cheek was swollen. He ran up to you and grabbed you by the arms “Are you alright?”

You were surprised not only by the way he grabbed you but because the look he gave you was just so… tender?

“Hey! No touching,” the guard said holding up his baton.

Kino gave the guard a stern look but he let go of your arms and stepped back.

The guard pretended not to be phased but a glare like that from Kino made him take a step back.

“I’m fine. What happened back there?” you asked.

Kino looked troubled, like he was unsure what to say when after a long pause he finally spoke “Don’t worry about it. Just know this...” He put his hand on your shoulder and looked deep into your eyes and this time the guard said nothing “…if you ever have a problem with anyone, just tell me and I’ll take care of it. Do you understand?”

The way he looked at you with such intensity was doing something to you, you could feel a tension in the pit of your stomach and you couldn’t turn away from those deep blue eyes of his “I understand” you replied shakily.

“Good. Now let’s get back to work,” he let go of your shoulder and his demeanor suddenly changed, this was Unit Manager Kino again.

You felt frazzled to say the least but you followed the two men to the workroom.

-

A few months passed. The work was hard but thankfully after the “incident” they moved Gor to another table and in his place was a guy around your age called Likko. Likko was like a breath of fresh air, he was very cheerful, telling jokes and stories which almost made you forget that you were in a prison. He wasn’t too good at the job but you just couldn’t dislike him, even though he constantly kept fraking up when he got too enthralled in a story he was telling.

But the same work done over and over again would tire anyone out, and by the end of the day even Likko would become quiet. You didn’t know about the others but the only thing that kept you somewhat sane during those last few hours of each day was Kino. You would perk up every time you heard his voice, even when someone else was being chewed out by him you’d become kind of jealous about the attention they were getting. When he passed your table you would sometimes drop your tools just so he would pick them up for you, which he did the first few times, but he was getting looks from everyone else so the next time you did it he told you to pick it up yourself and that was the end of that game.

Thankfully you at the very least had the memory of THAT day to entertain you. You had become so touch starved, you kept fantasizing about how that rough heavy hand of his felt on your shoulder. You really wouldn’t have minded him wrapping that hand around your neck and squeezing it during... What were you thinking? At this point any physical contact would have been great but there was no place for privacy there. Even the way Kino barked orders at everyone was getting to you but in a very unsuitable for work way.

You were so lost in your daydream that you didn’t notice Kino approach your table. “You guys are catching up. Good work.”

You visibly shivered the moment you heard his voice right next to your ear, you prayed that nobody saw it. You mustered the courage to look at Kino, and gave him a small smile.

He looked at you for a split second but his expression did not change. He simply cleared his throat and went to inspect another table. You felt a pang in your heart. You were surprised at how you were feeling, how could such a small thing have such an effect on you? Just because he did not smile back at you?

You went back to work, but Likko was the only one that didn’t pick up his tools “Did you just shiver when Kino came to our table?” he asked with the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

You blushed an even darker shade of red as you mumbled a very unconvincing “No.”

At this point all of your colleagues stopped working as they looked at each other.

Likko’s smile became even wider as he raised his hand and called out “Oh, Kinooo! Excuse me!”

Internally you started to panic. What was he doing!? You looked at Likko with pleading eyes, whatever he was planning you did not want it!

“What’s the problem?” Kino asked as he approached your table.

Likko smiled devilishly “Y/N seems to be having problems with the twisty-thingy but she’s too shy to ask for help.”

You gave Likko an angry look and you started to protest, “I do not! I can-!” but you shut up the moment you felt Kino grabbing your wrists and guiding your hands on the machine. He stood behind you, your back pressing against him, your legs almost gave in as you felt the heat from his body engulf you. It felt so good to be touched like this, to feel his entire body against you.

“Here… just twist it sideways and pull it towards you.” He instructed, and just like that, he let you go.

You almost stumbled backwards desperate for more physical contact as you felt the warmth of his body leave you.

“Next time just help her and keep up!” He said sounding annoyed right before he left.

You felt that sharp pain in your chest again when you heard how irritated he sounded. You glared at Likko.

He laughed and clapped his hands like a child that just got a new toy “Well… isn’t this interesting.”

“Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!” you snarled at him through gritted teeth.

Likko just kept on smiling. “I’m going to have some fun with this…” he promised.

-

A few hours later the work day ended and you headed straight to your cell at the very end of the hall. You would usually socialize with everyone else but you didn’t really feel like risking being teased by Likko about your now obvious crush on Kino. Maybe after a few days he would forget about it? Who were you kidding, there was nothing else interesting happening, people would latch on to anything even remotely exciting just to get their minds off the situation they were in.

As you sat there sulking not knowing what to do you realized how bored you were. It was insufferable. You kept peaking out onto the hall hoping to get a glimpse of Kino but instead you locked eyes with Likko.

Likko waved at you cheerfully “Hey! Y/N! I want to ask you something! Come here!”  

NOPE! You quickly scurried back into your cell. You weren’t dealing with this today.

You heard footsteps coming your way. Your mind raced as you tried to make up some excuse about what happened today. “A crush on Kino? Me?? PSHHH! No way! Why would you even think that?” Would that sound convincing?

“Hey!” you heard Kino say to someone “It’s almost lights out, you should head back to your cell.”

You heard a groan and then footsteps walking away from you. You sighed with relief.

A few minutes later it was “HOT FLOOR! HOT FLOOR!” all over again. You saw Kino walk back to his cell that was located right across from yours which did not help your obsession with him. He noticed you looking at him, so he gave you a polite good-night-nod before stepping into his cell.

How cold.

-

No matter what you did, you just couldn’t sleep. You had a new memory to obsess over, the way he felt today against your back…that heat radiating from him…was it your imagination or was that his cock that you felt against your ass when he leaned in. This was unbearable…

You saw Kino stir in his sleep and turn to face you. You watched his annoyingly sexy face as he muttered something in his sleep.

If Likko was going to tell Kino about your crush anyway, why not beat him to the punch, or at least do something about the situation… ANYTHING!

You sat up in your bed, you weren’t sure what you were going to do but your arousal seemed to be clouding your judgment. Why should you be the only one to suffer?

You tore off a button from your uniform and you threw it at Kino’s head. It bounced off his temple. He mumbled something and scratched the spot where the button hit him.

“Psst! Hey!” you called out in a half whisper.

He didn’t move.

You contemplated throwing a fistful of the mush they call food at him but the tubes that dispense the food make a loud sucking sound that would have woken everyone up. You sighed in annoyance. There goes that plan, you wanted to go back to sleep but you were feeling way to hot so you tried unzipping your uniform but the zipper seemed to be stuck, you yanked it as hard as you could and there was a louder ZIIIIIPing sound which turned out to be enough for Kino to wake up. He sat up on his bed trying to look intimidating but he was obviously still very sleepy, “Hey! Go back to sleep! You have work tomorrow!” he half whispered sternly.

Your heart skipped a beat, this was exactly what you wanted, your arousal seemed to be dictating your every move from that point on, so you just batted your lashes and you whispered “Me?”

Kino let out an annoyed grunt “Yes, YOU! Go back to sleep!” He was standing up now clearly groggy and irritated gesturing at your bed.

Now was the time to act, you stood up and without breaking eye contact you slowly started to fully unzip the front of your uniform.

Kino was fully awake now, any sign of sleep had disappeared as his eyes grew wide while he watched your hand travel lower and lower.

“What are you doing!?” he called out as quietly as he could.

Your zipper was completely undone at this point, leaving an exposed trail of flesh visible from your neck to the waistband of your trouser making it clear that you weren’t wearing a bra underneath your jacket.

“I order you to stop!” his tone was stern but because he had to whisper, it did not sound as intimidating as he intended.

You giggled as you slowly turned around and you let your jacket slowly slide down your shoulders, your back, and finally it plopped onto the floor. You looked at him over your shoulder and relished in what you saw.

He stood there, completely frozen, eyes wide, his mouth slightly agape, unmoving.

There was nothing he could do to stop you. You took pleasure in how helpless he looked. You covered your breasts with your arm as you turned around, giving him a little dance, swaying your hips as you walked almost to the edge of your cell, you gave your breast a little squeeze and you moaned.

His eyes were glued to you, not a muscle on him moved, like he was under some sort of spell.

You turned your back to him again and you hooked your thumbs on your waistband as you tentatively started pulling them down making sure to sway your bare ass at him before your trousers hit the floor. You were watching him over your shoulder the whole time, and you’ve never seen him look so vulnerable.

He could have turned away but HE was the one that chose to keep looking at you. Through hooded eyes he had this dark stare as if he had just cornered  a prey he could not get to. A frustrated hungry growl escape his lips, even in the dim light you could see how white his knuckles had become from clenching his fists so tight. You could see the outline of his cock pressing mercilessly against the now very stretched material.

You bite your lip, the thought that he had to endure this and he couldn’t do anything about it was just so exhilarating!

You decided that this was enough of a taste, for now. So you gave him a nod and whispered “good night” before you jumped onto your bed and covered yourself with your blanket.

You lay there giggling, not daring to turn around. You strained your ears for any sound he might make, you heard a frustrated grunt, a thud and him manhandling his blanket.  If he had a chair you’re pretty sure he would have thrown it at you.

[honey-child]

Touch

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapters: 1 (2425 words)

Summary: You remember each and every time you were touched since you were brought to this terrible place. And all of them were touches from Kino Loy.

Warnings: Implied threats of sexual violence

AO3 Link

[ladyxskywalker]

NOV 2022

fandoms featured on this list: star wars, rogue one, andor, moon knight, pedro pascal, triple frontier, multi. fandom

* coffee fund *

thank you to the amazing fic writers for sharing some wonderful stories with all of us ! & to the kind readers for their support. 💙

please assume that all works & the blogs they belong to are 18+ only

mature adult content will be marked with a double asterisk **

be sure to check all warnings & tags before reading, feel free to skip if something isn't for you

& of course, enjoy responsibly

all the love xo A ☕

** I have been taking a little break from the blog, so the Nov & Dec reading list will be a little shorter than usual. There are some really great finds here that I think you will love ! Hope you will stick around xo **

hope you enjoy ! & happy reading ! 🤗

please send me things to read ! favorite fics or something you've written that you're proud of ! 💌

find more monthly fic recs over on my masterlist, Dec 2022 coming soon ! ✨

please let me know if you would like to be removed

✨ new authors & characters added for the first time !

✨ some authors are mentioned more than once throughout the list, check to see if your works are there !

STAR WARS

✨ Anakin Skywalker

Making Out with Ani by @laserbrains (gn!reader) **

✨ Din Djarin

Din Djarin helping with your fear of animals by @archieimagines (cw: fear, anxiety, banthas)

Feel It by @ezrasbirdie (din x cobb) **

Grogu’s Teacher (series) by @firstofficerwiggles (f!reader)

Oceans in the Desert by @wyn-n-tonic (cw: grief, loss)

Ranting to Din while he repairs the Razor Crest by @archieimagines

Shatter Me (series) by @writeforfandoms (f!reader) (a season two divergent series)

Touching Din by @archieimagines (sfw touching, angst)

✨ Fennec Shand

Indigo by @artemiseamoon (modern, cinderella, fairytale au) (prince!fennec x ofc)

✨ Luke Skywalker

Shower/Bath Sex with Luke by @laserbrains (afab!reader) **

✨ Obi Wan Kenobi

Crystal Clear by @hellotherekenobi (gn!reader) (cw: battle, injuries, anxiety)

First Lady by @tropodyn (sith!obi wan) (f!reader) (link no longer available 😭)

Stardust (And Other Varieties) by @wickedscribbles (cis afab reader) (cw: implied age gap, force bone, library, mature adult content) **

Temptation’s Kiss by @hellotherekenobi

✨ Poe Dameron

Alright, That Happened by @dreamlandcreations (cw: hair pulling, kinktober) **

Survive Now, Then Flirt by @flightlessangelwings (cw: mild violence, angst) (gn!reader)

You Are In Love (series) by @alwritey-aphrodite (modern au) (f!reader)

ANDOR

✨ Cassian Andor

Hold Me Through the Storm by @archieimagines

✨ Kino Loy

Hoping Against Hope by @saradika (kino loy x wife!oc) **

✨ Ruescott Melshi

Before. When. After. by @littlemisspascal (a three part prison /narkina 5 au) (f!reader) **

MOON KNIGHT

✨ Marc Spector

Helping Marc Through a Panic Attack by @archieimagines (cw: grief, panic, anxiety, nightmares, DID, ptsd, angst)

Marc Winking At You In Public by @archieimagines

✨ Steven Grant

Asking Steven Out to Dinner by @archieimagines

Complaining to Steven About Work by @archieimagines

Dream A Little Dream of Me by @redahlia-writes (f!reader) (fake dating, christmas time)

I’m Right Next Door by @flightlessangelwings (gn!reader)

I’m Yours by @in-between-the-cafes (f!reader)

PEDRO PASCAL

✨ Ezra (Prospect)

Love you, endlessly by @artemiseamoon (ofc) (read in full on ao3)

✨ Frankie Morales

Seen by @clydesducktape (werewolf au) (f!reader)

✨ Misc. Pedro Characters

How Did You Love (series) by @writeforfandoms

TRIPLE FRONTIER

✨ Benny Miller

A Fall Getaway by @artemiseamoon (f!reader) (read in full on ao3)

MISC./MULTI FANDOM

✨ The Amazing Spider Man

Keeping Secrets by @luveline (cw: blood, injuries)

✨ Black Pather: Wakanda Forever

(** may contain spoilers **)

Namor the Sub-Mariner

My Queen, My Sun and My Sea by @mooncleaver (f!talokan!reader) (cw: death, colonizers)

✨️ The Originals / The Vampire Diaries

An Act That Brought You Joy (series) by Merontheshore on ao3 (elena gilbert x the originals) **

✨ Werewolf by Night

Jack Russell

Night Crawling (series) by @moonlight-prose (f!reader)

[silver-pieces]

andor bingo masterlist

This is my masterlist for Andor Bingo, hosted by @sw-andor​ from Dec 3 - Feb 3 2023. Each fic features a different prompt and is for a different character. Major spoilers for Andor.

escape. guilt / touch-starved. 13.12.22. Mon Mothma x librarian!gn!reader.

prisoners. nightmare / soulmark. 18.02.22. Cassian Andor x fem!reader.

untitled. free space. date tbd. Kino Loy x reader.

untitled. promise / fidelity. date tbd. Bix Caleen x reader.

untitled. sacrifice / meet ugly. date tbd. Ruescott Melshi x reader.

[piratesfromspace]

Flesh and Dreams (Kino Loy x Reader)

Kino Loy x Reader

Rated: Explicit

You've been caught by the Empire while pretending to be a man and sent to jail on Narkina. You have to survive while hiding your true identity in fear of being killed or worse. The man in charge, Kino Loy, is the one you fear the most...

This was written as a gift for the biggest Andy Serkis fan I know, my dear @gipsydangerzone 💕

CW: jail & forced labor, injury & blood, mention of chest binding, mention of transphobia, but Kino is an ally, unhealthy relationship, age gap (Reader is an adult), dom/sub dynamics, semi-public sex, fingering, hurt & little comfort Reader is a she with an AFAB body.

MASTERLIST

gif by Antifandor

It all started as pure necessity. Lay low, use a fake identity, switch up your gender if you have to . It was supposed to last a few days, maybe a few weeks max. Just enough time to get out of Faalri and go find your rebel base hidden in the Outer Rim. Lucky for you, cutting your hair and binding your chest was enough for you to pass as not a woman . An easy trick to confuse the troopers in charge of checking travelers identity. But it backfired spectacularly. 

You were caught in a random identity control along with another bunch of poor travelers. You lied and told you just had lost your ID holo. Little did you know, failing to provide an ID was now a punishable offense that could lead you to jail. The mockery of trial you went through was finished in a matter of minutes. It was actually a justice droïd who sentenced you to 1 year in jail - actual living judges were in short supply apparently. But the thing is that freaking tin box mistook you for a man and you thought that telling the truth at this point would just add more years to your sentence. And off you went, onto a shuttle and into a freaking jail. It all happened in a few hours. And your fear was barely catching up to the point you were just numb. 

—-

The shuttle landed on a planet covered in water, where some sort of tower of steel and concrete rose above the waterline. After a short speech and a painful demonstration of the electrified floor, you were ushered into a room alongside twenty or so other prisoners, where they asked you to remove all your clothing and put on the white and orange uniforms of the place. You don’t really know how you managed it, but you removed and put back on the clothes so fast that the guards did not notice - or at least did not bother to ask questions about the tight bandages wrapped on your torso. The prisoner next to you raised a curious brow when he caught a glimpse of your half-naked form, but you glared at him so viciously that he kept his mouth shut. 

That’s when they took you to your floor, where you were supposed to spend your sentence. As soon as you landed in the big room where dozens of other inmates were working, you were greeted by a man in his fifties. He oozed confidence and command, despite wearing the inmate uniform as well. He had salt-and-pepper slicked back hair that had no right to look this good given his current occupation, and gray-blue eyes so piercing you had the impression he was looking right into your soul.

“This is Unit 5-2-D. My name is Kino Loy, and I’m in charge here. The 49 men in this room answer to me. Name ?” He asked sternly. “Leeho” you lied, dropping your voice as much as you could. “Leeho.” he repeated slowly in his gravelly voice. You averted your gaze, afraid he might have caught the doubt in your eyes.  “Don’t look at the guard. He won’t be back.” Kino paused, finally locking eyes with you “You’re mine now.” he added. The declaration could have been cruel but was really just matter-of-factly. A shiver ran along your spine, fear and something else you did not know how to name. 

After a few hours of work, you all left the main floor to go to the cells. One of the prisoners showed you your nook, a sterile white box, fully open for all the others to see. Ironically what was truly a cage was also not locked. At least, the food and water rations were not limited, the only silver lining in the nightmare you were. You had sipped a bit of water, curled up facing the wall, and at least, after 48h of numbness, you had silently cried yourself to sleep.

The next morning, you knew you had to escape. You steeled yourself, decided to lean into the silent type persona. The work was repetitive and exhausting. Especially since you were the smallest at your table, and everything seemed to have been designed for giants. The men were often chatting amongst themselves to pass the time, trading encouragements and stories from before the jail. You dodged every question about your past, trying to speak as little as possible, and after a few days like this, it was established you were “the new weird boy”. 

—-

It’s often said the real risk is when the danger becomes routine and you let your guard down. It was true for the work, as well as for your true identity. You had gone through the first weekly disinfectant shower with no real plan other than staying behind everyone and keeping a straight face, hoping no one would actually notice. It worked so smoothly, you had smiled for the first time since arriving in this hell hole. This same day, as your shift was almost done, you were maybe a little too enthusiastic when handling the heavy screwer, and the drill bit grazed your palm, slicing the skin in its path. You watched in horror as the trail of scarlet splitting your hand started to weep red, heavy drops of blood spiraled down your wrist and into the fabric of your sleeve. The pain surged but it was really an after-though at this point. You were more terrified of what would happen now that your left hand was unusable.

You were frozen in place, as unexpected panic rushed through you, it felt like you were caught by a wave, head underwater. You vaguely remember your colleagues shouting for Kino, him taking you on the side and asking guards for a medic. The man showed up quickly, to your surprise also an inmate, and assessed the damage. He had to close the wound because it would not stop bleeding, and the sleeve of your uniform was so soaked you were starting to leave a puddle of blood on the white floor under you. That’s when you finally felt like you were able to rise above the wave of panic, the acute pain of the field cauterizer replacing the fear. The burn of the low-frequency laser had brought you to your senses, you were compelled to focus on the here and now. It was old military tech, designed so soldiers could immediately go back to fighting, you would have preferred a patch of bacta and a few days off work, but you now understood in your very flesh and blood that you were nothing but a cog in the empire’s industrial machine. The realization hurt even more than the actual burning of the cauterizer.

The medic left as quickly as he had come. The shift had actually ended during your little medical appointment, and you were alone with Kino on your way toward the sleeping quarters. But first you had to pass through the changing room because you couldn’t keep your blood-soaked uniform on. You both kept silent as you moved through the corridors but you knew you had to find a plan, and really fast because there was no way he wouldn’t notice the reality of your body and start questioning you. No matter if he thought you were lying on your gender or trans or any other possibilities, he was quite literally a collaborator to the empire, this same empire did not take kindly on queer people, and you had no idea what were Kino’s positions on the issue.

The door of the changing room opened in front of your trembling figure, and you stepped inside to reach for a clean uniform in your size. Kino beat you to it, handing you the clothes with a sigh, before turning his back. Did he know? Or was he just giving you a rare moment of somewhat-privacy? You mumbled a thank you, slipped on the fresh top and pants, and mentally prepared yourself to join your cell back. But as you were ready to cross the doorstep towards the sleeping pods, Kino gripped your arm and turned you back toward him.

“Wait.” he instructed, voice low so no one could hear him. “You need to understand something. You have to be very careful with that hand. It can’t open again. If you start bleeding, you tell no one, you come and see me. You shut your mouth, and you come straight to me. Am I clear, kid?” “I’m not a kid.” you hissed. “Listen carefully.” he started to sound angry “You take this like it’s a game, but it’s not. If you want to survive here, you need to be smart. If you think you’re fooling anyone regarding your… condition , you’re not.”

His eyes felt on your binded chest before he looked back at your face with an expression that reminded you of a stern teacher. So he knew… You felt the heat of shame, felt tears pricking your eyes, but you said nothing, jaw clenched. Kino took your absence of rebuttal for an admission of guilt. He could easily have called for a guard, and sent you to your death - or worse.

You tried to escape his hand holding your arm, but he didn't let go, his grip strengthened, and he brought you even closer from him. You braced for something violent, but instead, his demeanor shifted. He looked almost pained , like he was sorry or even scared for you.

“Hey, I’m not judging, you have your reasons and I don’t need to know them. But I won’t be able to protect you if others want to take advantage of that. Guards or inmates, it doesn’t matter. Two days ago, you were second to last, your whole table was almost fried because you were too slow. What do you think will happen next time you mess up, uh?” Kino’s face softened.  “You need to work faster, to not cause any trouble. And if you have a problem, you come see me.”

He had finally let go of your arm, and you had seen through wet lashes how he composed his face back to a blank stern mask before brushing past you and to his cell without any more word. You had trouble sleeping again that night, thinking about what he said. “ I won’t be able to protect you ” Kino actually wanted to protect you ? He had not given you away despite knowing what you hid. He told you he was ready to cover you in case of further injury. You never had seen him being mean or cruel on purpose since you were here. Maybe his little-chief persona was only superficial, because it seemed there was more to him than that. Weirdly enough, you never felt threatened by him. The whole system, sure. But not Kino. 

—-

A couple more weeks passed, and hopefully the wound on your hand healed. It left an atrocious-looking scar in the middle of your palm, but at least the pain was gone. You managed to avoid being fried or caught in your lie. You were somewhat able to sleep at night, although you were perpetually cold. The other inmates were sometimes assholes, but you managed. You knew your cell by heart, could use the tools eyes closed. One night, after another long and exhausting day, as you laid on your leathery mattress, you had realized with mind spinning horror that everything had become part of a routine. The only sliver of light in the darkness of your new existence was the constant presence of Kino. His gaze on you as you worked. His silent check-ins when he reviewed the line on the skybridge before going back to your cells. His unspoken care.

Kino’s cell was directly next to yours, and more than one time you were tempted to climb the thin wall to go find him in the middle of the night - only tempted . Until that night. Earlier in the day, he had talked to you, making sure you were alright after seeing you argue with another inmate. You had answered you could handle yourself, voice arrogant and proud. The corners of his lips had formed the faintest of smiles and it had made you weak in the knees. 

You were now in your bed, turning and tossing, unable to find sleep. His deep blue eyes and his rough voice tormenting you, the place between your legs slick with the lust you had for him. It was kinda new, this feeling. But it was definitely there and frankly it wasn’t as nonsensical as the rest of this place. It felt like something the empire could not take away from you - the last thing they could not take away from you. 

You knew it could be a huge mistake, but you went anyway. All you could hear was the rapid thump of your heart, blood pumping in your ears. You felt alive, finally, after weeks of dull despair in this sleek-white coffin of a jail. The divider between your cells was easy enough to get around without touching the electrified floor. You took care not to trigger the sensors on the floor of Kino’s cell, instead crawling on the bench seats until your face was above Kino’s. He was facing the wall, apparently unaware of your arrival although you had no idea if he was sleeping or not. You slowly reached for his shoulder but before you could touch him, he violently snatched your wrist. You had to repress a scream of surprise but Kino placed a single finger against his lips, commanding you to stay silent. You let him hoist you over and against his body, between him and the wall, so his back would shield you away from anyone’s view. 

“What are you doing here” he whispered against the shell of your ear. He did not sound alarmed, rather genuinely surprised and a bit angry. “You could have fallen in the corridor and gotten fried.” he went on when you did not answer immediately. “I was cold.” was all you could say for your defense. It was close enough of the truth. You swear you could feel a chuckle go through his massive chest glued to your back.  “You’ll need to leave before everyone wakes up” he simply added, and he wrapped his arm over your waist, pressing you against him a little tighter. 

Your senses were suddenly overpowered by him. You went through your days without any human touch, and being in his embrace was overwhelming. The warmth of his body, the muscular arm holding you, his smell, masculine, smoked wood behind the generic antiseptic. It did not help with your newfound lust. You knew the gamble you took was probably a one-time thing. No way you could sneak into his cell night after night without anyone noticing. You had to make the best of it. You literally put your life on the line to be there on his cot, you could try and push your luck a little further.

You moved a bit, gingerly pressing your ass against him. You waited for him to chastise you, to ask you to stop. He did not. You writhed in his hold until you felt him getting half hard against your lower back. His warm breath in your neck, the steelband of his arm across your chest, and now the very proof of his desire poking at your ass. Your desire burning low in your belly bleeding in the fear of getting caught. It was a lot. It was intoxicating. You were high on exhaustion and crazy with the dead-end future looming above you, you were light headed with repressed lust and drunk on the power of getting into Kino’s bed unharmed. That’s the only way you can explain what you did next.

You carefully grabbed Kino’s hand and slowly guided it lower, down the plane of your belly, and when he did not withdraw, giving his silent consent, you pushed it under the waistband of your uniform and between your legs. 

The moment he touched you, albeit lightly at first, you let out a whimper. Your reaction was immediately met with his other hand flying to press against your mouth, shushing you. Now that his palm was silencing you, he started to part your folds and you felt his long exhale against your nape when he found you already dripping. He cupped your cunt with his whole hand, the heat from his palm a shock of pleasure to your system. You had been so desperate for any form of relief that even the simple gesture was enough to send your head spinning.

With no further warning he coated the tip of his fingers in your wetness and started rubbing the bundle of nerves at the apex of your slit. He wasn’t gentle or cautious but you were too needy to care. The steady pressure of his rough skin against your clit was actually heaven. It felt so good, after weeks - months - of fear and no comfort, you could cry. 

You felt your orgasm built quickly, and so did he. The way you tensed up against him, he knew you were already close. It was risky to have this last any longer, because despite his hand firmly shut over your lips, the pathetic moans dying in your throat were still making enough noise that the other men would notice. Maybe some of them already understood what was going on. But, honestly, what could they do? Kino was of the highest rank in this room, and if he wanted to display who you belonged to, who would stop him?  

The simple yet twisted idea that the other inmates could hear you, that Kino did not care to show everyone you were his , that your body, your whole body, even the most secret parts of you belonged to him, had another wave of your slick drench his hand. He was now rock hard against your back, and you wished he would just rip down his pants and yours, and split you on his cock, fuck you into the matress until you cried, and keep going until he filled you up with his seed. It was a ridiculous fantasy because that would definitely wake up the whole dorm, and because there was no way you would risk getting pregnant in this hellhole. It was incredibly hot nonetheless. You imagined what it would feel like to be full of him, to clench on his girthy cock with each of his thrust. You yearned for his body on top of yours, to have him inside of you, to not have to repress your screams. 

Kino’s hand was still between your legs, pace unyielding. You were wet everywhere. Sweat on your back where you were stuck to Kino’s chest. Saliva on your lips under his palms, tears on your cheeks. Your own slick, catching in the short curls on your mound, down to your upper thighs. One more circle against your clit, and your whole body was trembling, on the brink of something fierce. Head buzzing, nails biting in the skin of Kino’s forearms - there would be half-moon red marks tomorrow for sure. 

You felt him groan behind you, felt it vibrate in your bones and then his voice impossibly low “Let go”. It was an order, but also a plea, like he was as keyed up as you. And it was enough to send you flying over the edge. You came harder than ever before, sobs of pleasure stuck behind your teeth, the fire of it burning through your veins. Kino holded you even closer, swallowing you whole, and kept touching you through the waves of your orgasm until you suddenly went boneless. It felt like a fever finally recessing, leaving you drained and sticky, and still slightly delirious. 

You knew you had to go back to your cell before the lights would turn on. But you were not ready yet to leave the comforting warmth of Kino’s body. He gently squeezed your arm and inhaled, ready to speak.  “I know” you whispered before he could say anything. “Just… five more minutes. Please.”

Kino said nothing. He just hugged you tighter, and you wondered if one day, in another life, on another planet, maybe, maybe you would be able to stay the night, until the light of day would wake you up and even after that.  One could dream. It was the last thing they could not take away from you.

[tarrensbookmarks]

The Gentleman by @stargirlfics Alfred Pennyworth x Black!Female!Dancer!Reader

I Want You To Show Me Weak by @tarabyte3 Kino Loy x Female!Reader

The Devil Makes Us Sin by @tarabyte3 David Robey x Female!Reader

Salvation is a Deep Dark Well by @citrus-moonlight Ulysses Klaue x Female!Reader

Dream Within A Dream Week by @moonlight-prose Works based on F. Scott Fitzgerald and Hozier sentence starters

Twelve Days of Amymas by @amywritesthings Holiday event with twelve one shots

Into the Fire by @eupheme Cooper Howard x Female!Reader

[tarabyte3]

Tell me about “Finding Pleasure in the Pain” 👀

Thank you so much for the ask my friend! 💖 Finding Pleasure in the Pain is the modern setting Personal Trainer!Kino Loy x Reader AU that I've been working on! I figured I have so much useless weight lifting knowledge now, I may as well use it for smut 😌 The plot is relatively straightforward (Reader gets a personal trainer) and based on what I currently have planned, it will be 3-5 chapters long.

Here's a little (rough) snippet for everyone that's been waiting on more:

"Come on," he growls, a commanding edge to that gravel, "push through it. Properly or you're going to do it again."

Your face heats as you break out into a fresh sheen of sweat, shifting from exertion to something half caught between shame and thrill. Then you redouble your effort, pressing your shoulder blades further into the bench and driving against the bar with a grunt.

You manage to work past that sticking point as your arms shake with fatigue, and, slowly, the weight begins to move again, rising further away from your chest.

Just as your confidence is starting to return, the bar wobbles in the air above you. Your fingers tighten with panic, suddenly worried your grip is going to give out and cause you to drop it. Or maybe your arms will give out and you’ll lower it back down to your chest and lose all your progress. Or maybe you’ll—

“Hey,” he barks out. Your eyes snap to his and there's an intensity on his face that pulls you out of your spiral. "Don't you dare give up on me now."

[amywritesthings]

ownership of mine (4/4)

pairing: kino loy x f!reader ( andor ) word count: 2.2k summary: The Empire has integrated their prison systems, with you as one of the few women now incarcerated at Narkina 5. The unit manager takes you under his wing – but for reasons you didn’t anticipate.

tags: 18+ MINORS DNI! post-narkina arc, peril, presumed character death (he ain't dead gtfo of here), alcohol, angst with a happy ending a/n: this epilogue-ish chapter is dedicated to the wonderful people of next big franchise. without you all, this fic wouldn't have been possible. my many thanks for your laughs and friendship over the last year.

           PART ONE / PART TWO / PART THREE / PART FOUR

welcome to the tenth day of the twelve days of amymas !!

Seven-hundred days.

It would have been seven-hundred entire days since you last stepped foot on solid earth;

Since your last real meal;

Since you made a vow to keep your head low, to serve, so that you could finally see the sun again.

And you were going to see the sun again.

Your sentence was drawing to a close with little incident.

Kino Loy would leave first, and you would follow.

Your new life was right there.

—but then the prison riots happened, and everything went to shit.

.

.

.

.

.

The day Cassian Andor arrived at Narkina 5 is still a hazy one. 

You recognized the fire in his eyes right away; a death wish walking on two legs.

Cassian wanted out of here the minute he stepped foot in this place. 

(Didn’t he know he had to serve his time, keep his head low, and do what he must?)

He became Kino's new problem and, naturally, yours.

Every day after became a blur.

Kino continued to keep order, to remind everyone of the common goal, even with Andor's poison of fighting their way out.

The floor manager still met you with secret touches, longing stares, and whispered promises to meet you at the showers when the unit was busy feeding...

But then something changed.

Veemoss dies. One hundred men on Level Two get fried.

The final domino was the passing of Ulaf.

Something snapped, and that something — that someone — was Kino.

Because Kino Loy wasn't busy keeping order, no.

The opposite:

Kino Loy was readily agreeing to chaos.

Order was an illusion. 

The other floors were frying.

No one was getting out of the bottom of this pit.

One way out.

So your Unit banded together and pushed up.

Up, up, until you took the prison for yourselves.

Up, up, until you saw the expanse of a tumultuous sea.

Then down — off the platform, pushed by the other desperate prisoners.

Into the freezing water, where you fought for your lungs to propel you to shore.

Away from Narkina 5.

All without Kino.

You’d lost the fearless leader of Five-Two-D somewhere in the mayhem.

Kino!

The constant of sweaty hands and bustling bare feet made it hard standing still as you shouted his name.

Kino!

A brief moment of relief passes through your body when you see that familiar head of salt and pepper hair.

Your eyes connect. He looks just as worried as you — until he sees that you're safe.

I can’t swim.

You swear you heard it — Kino’s voice, but it's too late.

One burly prisoner knocks straight into you to dive off the platform, knocking you backwards with him.

You lose your footing.

The world is weightless as you fall to the ocean.

Your back collides with the water, leaving you with little choice:

Either you live or you die.

You can't go back for him.

Too many bodies are falling to the depths, and if you don't move, then you may get crushed.

So you choose:

You swim.

You swim and never look back.

.

.

.

.

.

SIX MONTHS LATER

It’s freezing at this outpost.

However, it’s better to be freezing in the Outer Rim than living in fear within the inner cities. That would be a surefire way of getting caught by the Empire.

Besides, you don't hate it here. The people are nice. Everyone mostly keeps to themselves.

You've finally seen the sun, eaten hot meals.

You've built a life.

As you enter your favorite dive of a cantina, you’re met with a swirl of artificial warmth. The bar curls at the center of the tiny establishment. A lone singer, a wanted criminal of the Empire herself, croons gently on the makeshift stage at the far right corner. The air reeks of the seasonal ale.

Scharzi, the Iktochi bartender, gives you a sage nod.

You’re welcomed here, even if you don’t usually speak much.

For the longest time, you spoke with no one.

(Paranoia seeped into your very bones.)

After a few weeks, however, you choose to chat with the locals.

It seems like everyone's on the run from the Empire in one way or another. Fugitives with a past and a present, not looking towards much of a future.

Maybe life is simple, dull, in the Outer Rim, but you all agree on one thing:

At least it’s free.

When you sit and shrug off your coat, you give a bland smile to the bartender and hold up a finger: the usual.

They’ve decorated this hole in the wall better than most.

An assortment of winter decorations, lights and strings, line the low ceilings of this place.

It’s cozier with the added lights. Less bleak and depressing.

Scharzi glances at you briefly as his assistant, a small twi’lek — Phia — earning her keep, smiles at you.

Phia is peppy despite her grave interactions with the Empire, scorned and orphaned, but Scharzi has done the best he can to give her shelter and a place to hide.

To be a ghost, like the rest of you.

“Doing anything for the holiday this weekend?” she asks after pushing a goblet of your usual ale to you.

Glancing up at the eager young woman, you shake your head. “Not particularly.”

“Well, we’ll be open our usual hours. I’m sure Charlie and a few others will be coming around,” Phia cheerfully informs.

She cleans up a sticky circle on the counter as a body takes a seat on the stool beside you.

“Then I guess I’ll be here tomorrow, too,” you tell her, scooting on your bar stool to give the stranger some room. 

“You better bring your best holiday wish, then.”

“A wish?”

“Yeah, we always do them here.” Phia glances to the man beside you. “What can I get you?”

He waves her off without a word.

(Not uncommon around these parts.)

“Just tell me when you do want something, alright?” she pleasantly tells him, before turning her back to the wall of liquor bottles to rearrange them. “So? What’s your wish?”

You snort, taking another long gulp of your drink.

"My wish?"

"Yeah! Lay it on me. I promise telling doesn't make it not come true."

“It won’t ever come true, so." You sip again, shaking your head. "I don't particularly feel worried about it not happening.”

“Now that I doubt,” Phia counters, sing-song and light. “C'mon. Try me. Hypothetically, what would you make your wish?”

This is stupid.

Then again, so is trying to survive as hard as you have.

There isn’t a point to it, to any of it, yet you live freely out of spite and spite alone.

(The Empire will not win.)

“My wish. I guess I’d wish for… ha, well, I lost someone.”

You trail off before becoming resolute. Certain. 

You see him in your mind’s eyes — the way he ducked his chin while sitting on his knees, staring you in the eye with the promise of a better tomorrow.

You earned this.

Your heart clenches.

“He, uh… I think he passed away a few months back. I don’t really know what happened to him. I hope it didn't come to that, but it was unlikely he survived. I think my wish would be getting to see him again, some day.”

The awkwardness of Phia’s stare makes you down the rest of your ale before giving it back.

“Mind topping me off?”

The twi’lek nods solemnly, taking the ale and disappearing around the semi-circle bar to bring you a fresh pint.

His words linger on your tongue, sticking to the roof of your mouth.

You earned this.

Living.

Breathing.

Being.

“Bloody awful wish if you ask me.”

The stranger beside you speaks up.

Their voice is baritone, low with an unmistakable growl.

You almost drop your drink from the shock.

In a flash, you whip your attention to an older man staring back at you: white curls with a growing salt and pepper beard, shorter in height yet twice as intense in the eyes.

His cheeks and nose are reddened by the cold outside.

Maybe Phia laced the ale with something, because you know you’re not drunk.

Maybe you’re tired. Hallucinating.

Or maybe—

“Should spend a wish on something that’s not so easy to come true,” Kino Loy grunts, setting his hands on the bar top as he regards you.

You can’t speak.

Won’t.

You’re too afraid to blink the illusion away.

The older man stares you down, waiting in silence until Phia brings back your second ale.

“Mind giving me what she’s having?” he asks the young barkeep, knowingly making her take a second trip around the other end of the bar to give you space.

"Sure thing! She likes 'em strong, hope that's alright," Phia chirps.

Kino thumbs at his nose. "I'll do my best to handle it."

You haven't stopped staring. You're sure Phia notices your wide-eye gaze.

It doesn't matter, because no matter how much you blink, Kino is still there.

He keeps his chin ducked while he waits to be alone again, before his voice smooths out the edges.

(Just like he always did, when it was only the two of you.)

“Didn’t bring a bloody bouquet of Queen’s Hearts with me, but—”

“How?”

You hate how much of a bark the question is, but the blurt must come before you’re rendered mute.

Kino’s mouth presses to a thin line of regret.

“Is this real?” you whisper, voice dropping to a whisper of uncertainty. “Because I heard—”

“I know.”

“And I saw—”

“I know,” he repeats with a heavy sigh. “It’s more complicated then what we have time for tonight. I’m not here to relive the past, kid. Maybe another night, but not this one.”

Your brain reels with memories you once swallowed so far down they stuck to the pit of your stomach, now threatening to spill here:

Kino Loy, alive and well, at the very Outer Rim city you’ve been hiding in all this time.

“How the hell did you find me?” you quietly reply, absently tightening your grip on the handle of your ale as you process the scent of him.

Faint cologne lingers, new, but it’s still him.

It’s still him.

Kino mumbles a thank you to the twi’lek bartender who then disappears once she hands him the ale, allowing you the illusion of privacy in this cantina.

“...you’re not easy to find, I'll give you that,” he explains, taking a sip of the ale.

His eyes slip close, relishing in its taste, before taking a second, much bigger gulp.

“Had to ask around, but I remember you mentioning this place. Remember you mentioning a couple of places, figured maybe you chose to hide out on one of 'em."

"And you..."

"Went to every single one? Yeah," he supplies. "I’m not one to waste time. Not when we’re living on a borrowed case of it, so I hit up as many places as I could. Finally found you on this one.”

Kino allows a moment to pass, settling his ale back on the bar top, before he leans in.

You don’t move, mesmerized by the way his chest rises and falls under his gray tunic.

Alive.

Alive, alive, alive—

“I told you once that we’d get the hell out of that shitehole, once and for all, and I’d buy you whatever drink fits your fancy at the nearest cantina.”

The man reaches a slow, cautious hand from the table.

Magnetism draws you in, desperate to feel something stable, something warm.

Eventually his palm connected with your cheek and you’re threatened with a surge of emotion.

Same calluses. Same stroke of his thumb.

Simultaneously, you both suck in a sharp breath — two octaves of the same relief.

It’s as though an electric spark flows between you, and you find yourself nuzzling his palm with a longing that’s propelled you for six straight months.

Kino chuckles under his breath at this, only to move in closer. 

His other hand cups your face, cradling your head in his reach.

“Sorry I couldn’t find the bloody flowers,” he exhales. “Not exactly welcome at the pearly gates of Naboo, if you could imagine that.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the flowers, Kino,” you inhale, earning another rumbling laugh from the older man.

“No, didn’t think you would.”

When you slip your eyes open, you see him shake his head as if mesmerized by what’s before him.

You stare right back, raising your hands to gently rest against his.

Kino studies your face in the dim lights of the cantina, Adam’s apple bobbing from a thick swallow.

He frowns briefly, as if plagued by a morose thought, before his shoulders droop.

There’s so much to say.

So many doors have closed…

Yet reuniting with the man who taught you to fight to live feels like a fresh start, all the same. 

“I’ll take that drink, though,” you murmur, forcing a tired smile to play on your lips.

The former unit manager’s eyes instantly drop to your mouth.

“Whatever you want, love, so long as you’ll have me.”

The smile on your face grows.

He mirrors, huffing and smiling back — only to drag you in for a searing, devastated kiss.

For the first time in years, hope is within the confines of your galaxy.

.

[wild-karrde]

@saradika wrote a Kino Loy fic called hoping against hope. Gorgeously written about Kino Loy AFTER the escape from Narkina5 and makes it back home to his wife. It’s so powerful and emotional and shows his POV and hers.

Oh my GOD THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN. One thing I've loved about Andor is it's got a more ground-level feel, so to speak, and I find stories like Kino's so interesting because of that. Like he's a normal every day guy that got caught up in the space fascism machine and adapted the best way he knew how. And this fic from J just gives more depth to his backstory and is so heartbreaking and just absolutely stunning in the way she wrote it. Both perspectives were just astoundingly tragic, but the ending is hopeful. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I cannot rave about it enough. Thank you so much for rec'ing it!

Participate in Fandom Friday to show your favorite creators from this week some love! :)

[andy-solo1]

Heartache [Cassian Andor x Reader]

Cassian Andor x Reader

Part 1 of a 3 part fic for Cassian Andor x reader. 

Warnings: Angst, Andor spoilers, brief mentions of suicide, cannon typical violence, mentions of death, cannon character death 

Words: 4,554

Notes: This is the longest single chapter I’ve ever written and I poured everything I had into it. I really hope you all enjoy it. 

 * * *

“On program!” Kino yells and you quickly place yourself into position. You lost track of the amount of times you’d done this. The days spent toiling away, each passing by in an endless blur just like the day before. Hope was a nonexistent entity. Your only hope on any day was not being the team in last place. 

You’d heard the whispers of an uprising. You’d seen the others communicating between floors, trying desperately to find a way out. But you knew it was a hopeless endeavour. There were only two ways of getting out of Narkina 5. By finishing your sentence and being freed, or in a body bag. 

The officer on the level above shoved forward the latest poor soul to enter the compound and rode the small elevator down. You studied the new man, his brown eyes blown wide as he took everything in. You knew what he must be feeling, for you’d stood in his place once. And realising that this is what your fate was, was a crushing feeling indeed. 

After the guard was gone and Kino gave his speech, the new guy moved in towards his table, the one next to yours as work started back up once more. You kept your eyes glued to the task before you, unwilling to let your group fall behind, to be the last team. Even as you focused on your task you could hear the murmurings of the group next to yours, curiosity driving you to pay some attention to what they were saying.

“What’s your name?” Melshi asked, probably already guiding the new guy into his work. 

“Keef Girgo.” The man replied curtly, and that was the last you heard from the group as Kino snapped at them to get to work. 

 *                                                        *                                                        *

The flames flicked high into the sky, casting the world around you in a red glow. Your eyes strained to see anything through the flames and smoke. The same smoke that was filling your lungs, making each breath feel like another flame was burning within your lungs. 

You screamed, looking all over to try and find your family. You knew they were here somewhere within the flamed wreckage of what had once been a peaceful village. 

Someone far off screamed in pain and you thought you recognized their scream. You turned to go towards them when a tight, vice-like grip grabbed hold of your arm. You let out your own wailing scream of despair as the stormtrooper gripping your arm began to drag you out and away from your home. 

You struggled against him with all your might, but he wouldn’t let go, rather he tightened his grip upon you. You were strong, working the soil all your life had taught you strength, but he was a trained soldier, he knew how to hold back someone who could be stronger than him. You were left weak and at his will. 

The stormtrooper threw you onto a shuttle, a few others were on it with you, fellow villagers. All of them covered in soot and ash, fear blowing their eyes wide open, as you knew your own were. 

Silence rang in your ears as the ramp to the shuttle raised and lifted up off the ground. Your stomach sank as the shuttle flew off, away from the fire, away from the remains of your home, away from your family. 

You just knew you’d never be back again. 

 *                                                           *                                                          *

Keef Girgo, or rather, Cassian Andor, watched the proceedings of the prison in silence. A dull emotion had settled over him, and he wasn’t sure what it was. Hopelessness perhaps. Or, perhaps it was his resolve to find a way out no matter what, which was something he wasn’t entirely convinced wouldn’t just end with him dead. But he was willing to try. 

So he observed the proceedings around him during his work shift, and even as he stood waiting in the walkways with the others in his group for the changeover of shifts, he observed. That’s how he saw one of his fellow prisoners making gestures out the window, and looking, he could see one of the other walkways, and a prisoner over there making hand signals back to the man on his side of the glass. 

“What are they talking about?” Cassian asked quietly. 

“Plans of escape usually, though I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Nobody escapes from here.” You whispered softly in reply. Cassian turned around to see you standing behind him, he froze for a few moments as he took in your features. 

“On program!” Kino shouted, walking past the two of you and Cassian snapped back around, falling into position like the others. He knew he shouldn’t push boundaries, at least not on the first day. 

“They are organising an escape?” He asked you quietly, keeping his eyes glued before him. 

“They attempt to. It’s also just a way to talk between floors.” You replied quietly. “But like I said, nobody escapes, so don’t get your hopes up.” 

“What other choice is there if not to try to escape?” Cassian asked. He could tell from the tone in your voice that your spirit was crushed. But he believed that escape was possible, and he was going to die trying if it came to it. He owed it to Maarva to try and get word back to her. 

“Keep quiet!” Kino shouted from the front so loud Cassian almost missed your reply. 

“Finish your sentence, or die in here.” 

 *                                                           *                                                         *

Days blended together for Cassian. He worked, trying to help prevent his team from coming in last everyday, and tried to work out escape plans with his fellow inmates who were already working on plans. At nights, before the floor would activate he would gather with the others and work out plans in hushed tones. Even though none of the prison guards would be listening in, they all agreed they didn’t need Kino yelling at them all for making up foolish plans, as he had a few times before. 

Cassian was distracted from the conversation when he saw you walking past. He didn’t know why, but something about you just drew him to you. 

Maybe it was the fact, that even though everyone here had a sense of hopelessness to them, especially so with the increased sentence times, you seemed to be so much more devoid of life than any of the others. 

Leaving the conversation, Cassian stood outside the opening to your sleeping quarters, the one next door to his. You looked at him, quirking your brow in question. 

“Why don’t you want to escape?” Cassian asked you. He’d asked the question of a few others, and mostly he’d gotten to learn that if they could, they’d want out. 

“There is no escaping from here.” You replied flatly. 

“And what if you could. Wouldn’t you want to?” He pressed. He didn’t know why he was so persistent with you. But he wanted to know you, wanted to know everyone around him really, but especially you. 

“Do you have someone at home to go back to?” You asked him instead of answering. 

“I do. I have my mother.” He replied. He looked into your gaze, and for the first time since he’d been there, he saw more than just blank despair. He saw pain, raw and true flicker across your features. As you opened your mouth to say something to him, a voice rang out above them all, warning prisoners to return to their cells before the floor became active.

You turned your back on him and he watched you for a few more moments before quickly moving over into his cell just before the lights went dark and the floor went live. 

 *                                                         *                                                              *

The shuttle landed down on some planet. You didn’t know where you were. You had never before left your home, never even left your village, and now, here you were, being ushered off a shuttle by stormtroopers, scared and practically alone. The other villagers were with you, but like yourself, they were all silent, fear and anguish gripping their tongues tightly. 

The stormtroopers lead you all into a large building and had you all wait in a line before who you quickly came to realise was a judge. The stamping of the sentence tickets rang out in your head, like a guillotine dropping over the necks of everyone she sentenced. 

Finally it was your turn on the chopping block as you stepped up before the judge. You repeated your name out to the judge before she read out your sentence, your stomach dropping out from your gut.

“Guilty of rebellion against the empire. Six years.” She stated, and down came the sentence stamp. The clang of the metal being engraved ringing in your ears as your whole body and mind went numb. 

You awoke with a gasp in a pool of your own sweat. You could feel it across your back and dripping down your forehead. Standing up you stumbled forward to the edge of your cell, trying to get some cooler feeling air as you tried to shake the memory from your mind. 

Your whole body shook as silent tears began to fall and you slid down the wall until you were sitting right on the edge of the floor. You let out a choked sob and you faintly heard the sounds of someone moving on the other side of the wall. 

“Are you alright?” You heard someone whisper quietly and it took you a moment to realise it was Keef. You took a long, shaky breath before answering. 

“Yeah. I’m okay.” You replied quietly, lying to both yourself and him. 

“But, you are crying.” He replied, sympathy in his voice. You were both silent for a few moments after that. You turned your head to gaze blankly at the red lights on the floor as tears still flowed freely down your face.

“Have you ever lost anyone?” You asked, so quietly you weren’t sure he’d even hear you. 

“Yes. I lost my father. And I’ve seen the deaths of others around me.” He answered honestly. “What about you?” 

“I lost my whole family. I don’t know for sure if they died, but deep down. I know they’re gone.” You replied, voice cracking as fresh tears rolled down your face in heavy waves. “They’re all gone.” You sobbed. “My parents, my brother, everyone. They’re all dead. They’re all gone. I’ll never see them again and it’s all because of this blasted empire.” 

You put your head in your hands and cried. You cried until you didn’t think any liquid was left in your body. Keef had been silent so long you’d almost even forgotten about him when he finally spoke up again. 

“The empire is the reason my father died. The reason why I was not able to stay with my mother. They’re why I’m here now. I understand loss, but yours is a greater loss than I could know. I am sorry for that.” He said quietly. You knew he meant well, trying to comfort you, but the words fell hollow and heavy on your heart, so wrung through with pain that it surprised you when you felt a small flicker of warmth and appreciation for the man. 

“Thank you Keef.” You whispered softly, wiping away the remainder of your tears. 

“Cassian.” 

“What?” 

“My name. It’s not Keef. It’s Cassian. Cassian Andor.” 

“Well thank you Cassian. And, your secret is safe with me.” 

 *                                                           *                                                              *

Something was deeply wrong. Everyone could feel it. Taga was frantically trying to communicate with the other floors as panic levels rose within everyone. 

Panic gripped your heart like an icy vice, sinking its talons in deep and making your blood feel cold as it coursed through your veins. 

“What’s going on?” Cassian asked from Taga’s side, looking out at the other floors despite not being able to translate the hand gestures himself. 

“Something’s happening on 2.” Taga replied, panic lacing his tone as he continued trying to communicate with the others. 

“Everyone calm down.” Kino ordered, though even he had a note of panic in his tone. That was something that worried you deeply. The floor manager never once showed panic or fear, but now. Now you knew things were really wrong if even Kino was impacted. 

“What is going on?” Someone yelled. 

“I don’t know. Something’s happening on 2 but nobody can say what.” Taga replied, more panic in his tone than before. You could practically feel the fear in the air now. Everyone was on edge and nobody knew what to do. 

Suddenly the voice of your captors came over the speakers, calling for all prisoners to get on program or face consequences. Everyone was in too much of a panicked state to process the order at first. 

“Get on program, now.” Kino ordered, pulling people away from the windows. Soon they were all complying, standing still with your hands on your heads. 

“What happened?” Cassian hissed. 

“Be quiet.” Kino snapped, not turning around to look at him. 

“They’re all dead. They killed the whole floor.” Taga replied quietly. Shock fell through the group and you felt like you could breathe anymore.  Each breath was an effort for you as you followed the others in the lineup towards your sleeping area. 

Panic held you tightly in its clutches as your mind ran wild. The only reason you could think of for them killing a whole prison floor was that they found out that they, like those on your floor, wanted to find a way to escape. 

Numbly, you barely even registered you were back standing before your cell, taking a few moments to realise where you were. Cassian started to walk past you and you snapped. You were beginning to care for the man, having had other late night talks with him when neither of you could find any comfort in sleep. And now, with these new events, you didn’t want the man to wind up dead, much less bringing all the others to the grave with him. 

“You realise why they killed them!” You snapped, moving to stand before Cassian. He looked at you, slightly bewildered at your sudden change in mood and tone. He’d never heard you speak in more than a hushed tone, and definitely not with so much venom in your voice. 

“Why?” He asked quietly.

“Because they must have found out they were looking for a way to escape. Why else would they kill an entire floor? You need to stop this, you’re going to get yourself and everyone else around you here killed.” 

“We don’t know that that’s why they killed them all. And I’d rather die trying to get free then let them break me in here trying to work for a freedom that may never come.” 

The blood was roaring so loudly in your ears that you didn’t hear the warnings for the floor. You didn’t hear Kino yelling for you to get into your cell, now. 

The next thing you knew, your arm was being grabbed and you were pulled up against someone’s chest, just as the lights in the room went dark and floor went live. 

Your breath came out in ragged gasps, the rage and anguish that gripped you before dissipating as you stared at the spot on the floor where you’d been moments before, the same spot of floor that now ran with an electrical current, set to kill anyone who dared touch it. 

Slowly you turned your head to look up at Cassian. He still held a loose grip of your arm, hand just above the elbow. Your chests were nearly touching, but closest of all was his face, his mouth close enough to you that you could feel his breath fanning across you. Your heart thrummed in your chest, and you were certain that he could hear it. For the first time in a long time, you truly felt alive. 

However, the moment was over before it could even truly begin as Cassian slowly let his hand fall back to his side and took a step back in the already small space. The pounding of your heart slowed back down and the feelings subsided, leaving you back to your bleak world, as though the colour had been leached back out of your life right after being able to see it again for the first time in a very long time. 

“You can take the bed for the night since you’re stuck here.” He offered quietly, and you nodded mutely in response. All the emotions from before and the near death experience as well as the odd swell of emotions from being faced so close to Cassian left you feeling numb. 

You lay down on the bed and find sleep a hard thing to come by. The events of the day left your soul feeling raw, and your heart feeling numb. Eventually your eyes became too heavy to hold open and you drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

 *                                                            *                                                         *

The dreams were different this time. Rather than reliving the events as they happened, you could move around, and you weren’t sure if that was worse. 

You watched as the stranger approached your village, injured and weakened. Your mother, always a kind woman with an open heart for anyone, helped the man into your home. You learned little about him, but it was clear he was hiding from something and despite protests on your part, your mother insisted on keeping the stranger and helping him. 

Then they came. 

You screamed and tried to stop them as they marched towards your home. They carried on walking, despite all your efforts and you watched helpless as they banged on your door. It was odd, seeing yourself opening the door, watching as your eyes widened in fear and called for your mother just as you had that day. 

You disappeared from the doorframe and your mother appeared instead. 

“What can I help you with?” She asked politely, calm even then. 

“You are harbouring a fugitive of the empire. Return him and the punishment will not be as severe as it can be.” The leading stormtrooper replied. 

“I’m sorry. We have nobody here like that.” Your mother replied, lying to the stormtroopers. You closed your eyes, tears falling because you knew what came next. 

The stormtroopers searched your home from top to bottom, but found nothing because your mother had moved the stranger next door when reports came to her of the approaching stormtroopers. 

The same stormtroopers who returned later that day and began to burn everything down. 

You were helpless to do anything but watch as your brother stormed towards the Stormtroopers, begging them to stop and blocking them from getting to a home. The home of his Fiance that he’d so proudly asked to marry him just that morning and you’d all been so happy about. That happiness felt a lifetime away now. 

A scream was ripped from your throat as the lead stormtrooper casually pulled out a blaster and shot your brother down. A single shot to the head and the stormtroopers stepped over the still warm body of your brother, smoke curling up from the wound, and began to set fire to the house. The screams from inside the home echoed in your mind as you stared down at the face of your brother, a look of fear and anguish permanently frozen on his features. 

Once more you woke, drenched deeply in sweat. You were shaking and tears were rolling freely down your face. You exited the bed, stepping carefully over Cassian who was asleep on the floor and walked to the edge of the cell. 

You leaned forward, staring down at the floor. Every nerve and fibre in your being told you to do it. All it would take was just one step. Then you could finally be free from everything. You lifted one foot and started to move forward. 

A tight grip on your arm came suddenly and pulled you back into the cell and flush up against Cassian’s chest once more. His breath came in ragged gasps of panic across your face and you could see the fear in his brown eyes. 

You broke down sobbing, burying your head against his chest as his arms moved to encircle you. He gently rubbed your back as you cried. He knew to just let you get it out of your system and wait for you to be ready to talk. 

“I’m such a hypocrite.” You sobbed against his chest after a while, the tears had resided some, though you were still crying. “I was so mad about a whole floor being killed, but then I-” you broke off into sobs again. 

“You are not a hypocrite. Hearing about the deaths of others is always a hard thing. And I don’t know what drove you to this, but I know you must have had your reasons.” Cassian replied quietly. He slipped a hand under your chin and tilted your head back to look at him “But please, promise me you won’t try this again. I care about you, and if that means nothing, then just hold onto the fact that if you can get one person to care, you could get someone who you care about to care too.” 

It took you a while to process his words, gazing up into his soft brown eyes, you could see the care he’d come to hold for you in the time he’d been here shining in his gaze. You leaned in closer, heart pounding in your chest in a different way that it had been before. Cassian closed the final distance between the two of you. 

His lips were soft and warm against yours as your eyes fluttered shut, leaning into the kiss. You moved your hands up to hold the back of his head while his hands moved to cusp the sides of your face. Everything about the moment was pleasantly warm, and that warmth filled your heart, chasing away the lingering curls of the sadness from before. 

Eventually the two of you parted, though still remained close in each other's arms. You opened your eyes to look up at him, and saw a small smile curling his lips. A smile came to your own lips. 

“Please, promise me you’ll stay for me.” He whispered softly. “Don’t leave me.” 

“I promise.” 

*                                                          *                                                             *

Your heart was racing in your chest as you followed Cassian and Kino through the halls. Adrenaline fueled you and the three of you ran towards the command centre. So far, Cassian’s escape plan was actually working. 

Ulaf’s death had spurred things into action and now, now that freedom was so close you could nearly taste it, you actually felt hopeful. 

Cassian kept you close to him as you went. He carried a blaster and took out any guards you came across for you. He knew you couldn’t handle killing anyone and he wasn’t going to force you to make that choice. 

When you reached the command room you stuck close behind Cassian, listening as Kino made his speech. Everything Kino said set your blood ablaze, giving you a newer will to get free. 

When the three of you left the room, you were all chanting, so was everyone else in the building. 

“One way out!”

“One way out!”

“ONE WAY OUT!” 

The flow of people pushing past you was strong. You got separated from Kino and Cassian as people pushed past you, and pushed you closer to the edge of the prison. You didn’t even get your own chance to jump as the waves of people pushed you over the edge. 

Hitting the water was a shock on your system, and your head slipped under the water for a few moments. The sudden cold stunned you for a few moments before instinct kicked in and you swam your way up to the surface, gasping for air as you got your head above water. People were all around you, swimming as fast as they could to get away from the building. Your heart tightened in your chest as you looked around in a panic. 

“Cassian!” You screamed, trying to find him. You didn’t know if he’d hear you over the sounds of the waves and the people swimming through them but you had to try. “Cassian!” You screamed again, turning around to look the other way. 

You were about to give up when you finally saw him, and he was clearly looking around  for you too. He looked over and spotted you and he quickly went over to you, Melshi with him as well. Together again, the three of you began to swim, just like all the others. 

Away from the prison. Away from the pain. Away from the empire.

*                                                         *                                                             *

Niamos was a quiet planet, especially now as the sun was setting before you. You stood next to Melshi, watching your first sunset in years. Your new stolen clothes feel so much more comfortable against your skin than the prison uniform ever had. Glancing back towards Cassian, you watched him talking on the phone for a moment, trying to contact his mother to let her know he was okay. 

“We might be the only ones who made it.” Melshi said quietly next to you, drawing your attention towards him. 

“I still can’t believe we made it.” You replied softly, and he gave a small smile. 

“One way out. And we found it.” He replied, before looking to Cassian as he came over to join the two of you. “Everything okay?” 

Cassian nodded “Yeah, it’s fine.” You could tell that he was lying, but you weren’t going to press him, not right now. 

“We need to let people know about what happened.” Melshi said and Cassian nodded in agreement. “I think we should split up, get the word out. If they were moving prisoners around on Narkina 5 they’re probably doing it in other prisons too.” 

“I agree. People need to know what happened.” Cassian said, and he pulled Melshi into a hug. The two embraced before parting. Melshi gave you a hug as well before Cassian gave him a blaster and the two of you watched as Melshi took off on his own. 

“My mother died.” Cassian told you, long after you’d stopped seeing Melshi in the distance. 

“Oh Cas, I’m so sorry.” You replied, turning to look at him. 

“I’m going back to see her funeral.” 

“Then I’m coming with you.” 

“No, the empire is there. I can handle myself but please, don’t come. If they get me, I can find my way out again. I don’t want to put you through that again though. Promise me you will wait for me.” He says quietly. 

“I promise.” You whisper, and he pulls you close in his arms, pressing his lips to yours. Heat fills you once more, and this time, there are no others who could see the two of you around. 

Cassian gives you a night of love and passion. And even though your mind is distracted by everything about him, deep down you knew.

You knew in your heart that when you woke in the morning he would already be gone. In his place was a note with just three words. 

‘Wait for me’