#almost politically correct redneck

[bonnibelleangelica]

An Australian PSA for Americans

I’m scared, people. Its come to my attention that some of you have no idea what Australia is like at all and genuinely believe we live in desert mud huts, cooking cans over a fire. So, here are some fun facts to give you a better understanding of Australia since I don’t want you thinking I’m an uneducated mud child.

1) Almost no one lives in the deserts. 90% of our populations live on the coasts (not just the east coast) in full blown, million-people cities. Imagine an American city, but everyone has a weird accent. Wifi, electricity, tiktok, teenage girls, techbros and even a few hundred Macdonald’s.

2) Kangaroos are like deer. They’re everywhere outside the cities, they don’t bother anyone and they eat grass in fields. Often times, we hit them with our cars. Possums climb our fences at night, foxes eat our chickens and magpies occasionally swoop us, though I’ve only experienced it twice.

3) It’s hot, but not that hot. We have green lawns and lakes, forests and rain storms, and in the summer, most people will only have to deal with temps of 30-35 degrees (85-95f). We dont generally get snow, but we get floods all the time.

4) Our politicians are racist too. We have a left and a right but our elections aren’t the game show yours seems to be. We also legally have to vote and everyone hates it.

5) Universal health care is cool. Sometimes emergency rooms are a little shit and our medicare doesn’t cover stuff perfectly, but as someone with multiple health problems, it’s not a health crisis by any means. Private cover is available anyway, so if you want to, u can pay for better shit.

6) Bali is our national holiday location. Everyone has been or will go at some point, its only a few hours away and everything is cheap as hell. Otherwise, bouncing between the coasts or from city to country and visa versa is the way to go.

7) A lot of Australians hate America. Some of it is fair, some of it isnt, but i thought you should know since apparently some people think everyone loves America. In my experience, the bias goes the other way.

8) Our version of rednecks are bogans. Flannel, cigarettes, beer bellies and questionable political correctness, we’ve got it all.

9) We also have a racist, problematic history of genocide and segregation. In my mothers life time, we used to steal aboriginal kids to force them to act white and “breed away the black.” Australia day (our 4th of July) is very controversial because its on the day the first real colonisation started. And at this point, a lot of people see celebrating it as support of the problematic undertones it represents. Australia flags are a relatively rare sight.

10) Lightning round! We have religion, but it isn’t really brought up very often. There are a few churches in every town, but thats it. We also don’t say the pledge of allegiance, or sing the national anthem unless its a special memorial day. Gun control has been in place for decades and most people are fine with that. And lastly, our car accident death rate is a third of America’s (adjusted for population) so maybe get on that.

If you knew all of this, thank god! I hope this is completely useless. If you didn’t know one of these, that’s fair. Maybe go follow some Australia creators and remember, there’s rich snobs and bigots in every corner of the globe.

[sheogayrath]

kids these days. they don't even remember Good Guy Greg or Scumbag Steve or Courage wolf or Insanity Wolf or Foul Bachelor Frog or Paranoid Parrot or Unpopular Opinion Puffin or Actual Advice Mallard or Really High Guy or Karate Kyle or Sudden Clarity Clarence or Annoying Facebook Girl or Godfather Baby or Almost Politically Correct Redneck or Unhelpful High School Teacher or Musically Oblivious 8th Grader or

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

A good example of Lefist claims not aligning with reality: The fearmongering about P2025 basically turning Trump into a dictator who can do whatever he wants, yet meanwhile the then actual president Biden and his lackies didn't do anything about this "threat to democracy", even though the narrative was that the President had ultimate authority to do whatever he wanted. It always stood out to me as weird even back when I fell for that bullshit. I don't even remember if they had a convenient excuse for why one President would have that power while the then current one didn't.

I'm gonna keep going back to it but it's because it's two fold.

Normalcy Bias & Team Politics

Explanation: More or less with normalcy bias you will refuse to believe anything outside of what you consider as "The Norm". This in and of itself is an issue however because it plays right into Team Politics. Which is to say if you abide by such, and I don't, then what you land on is, "My side are the ones that love black people! So if a person says N~ then CLEARLY they can only be right wing. So my side is ALWAYS correct and caring".

^This? This can happen under any circumstances. Consider the fact that the Reps have almost always been called money grubbing fascists. Literal Mustache twirling villains. It's in media, it's in books, it's in commercials. And consider the way conservatives are shown in TV. Hyper puritan, redneck, stupid, and beyond learning. This has ALWAYS been true in mainstream TV. Outside of maybe Hallmark and CMT. The idea is that "Democrats represent freedom, love, and tolerance. But the other side represents bad thing". It's a hell of a drug honestly. Especially when you have both.

[always-andromeda]

𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙘𝙝

Thank you for the tag @guiltyasdave!! This month was uhhhh...a very mixed bag lmao. Some very longwinded little reviews are under the cut!!

Children of the Corn (1984); I always end up enjoying the 80s film adaptations of Steven King stories. So I knew going into this one that it would probably be schlocky but that I would love it. And I was NOT wrong.

Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992); Peak schlock. I fucking loved the extremely visible shoulder pads on the main female character. The way that she and the main male character hook up after like two whole conversations on screen. The way that they invented two old women characters just to parallel them with the wicked witches from The Wizard of Oz for no reason. The emo twink that takes on Isaac's mantle of tyrannical preacher. Beautiful, no notes.

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995); Simply remembering this one has me fucking losing it. I love how the parents adopt these two weird ass Amish kids and they treat the older teenager like he's a fucking toddler and tell him not to talk to the two black teenagers that live nextdoor while letting the youngest plant a whole ass cornfield in an abandoned factory. I love how they went, "We didn't want you guys getting hurt playing around the abandoned factory next door so we put up a fence!! ☺️" and it's like a seven foot wood fence you could punch a hole through built two inches away from the abandoned factory. Parenting!!

Get Out (2017); A massive classic of modern horror for a reason. It's very approachable for an average viewer but has a lot of layers of symbolism for those who enjoy peeling them back. I really fucked with the social commentary on white America and the way that black Americans are expected to become more white in order to conform. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it!!

Buffalo '66 (1998); Okay...so this movie is the worst. If there was ever a stuck up, entitled film bro director, Vincent Gallo is that man. He brings such an insufferable energy to this movie until the absolute end. But goddamn if I didn't enjoy it. The cinematography allowed for some unique storytelling and it was fun to watch. Very much a junk food, guilty pleasure movie.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017); I appreciated many things about this movie. The first being Frances MacDormand's performance. Almost everyone in this is so fucking solid but goddamnit, I loved her complexity the most. Which leads into the next thing I enjoyed about this: the authenticity. From the intense emotions to the little pockets of humor and the butchered but somewhat well meaning political correctness that I've known some redneck folks to use...it felt so real to me. I could probably talk about this movie for forever. Another one on this list I highly recommend seeing!!

[tipsywench]

in the midst of all this Imane Khelif bullying, I was actually searching out subreddits of boxing fans who know their shit and reading their comments and analysis of the fights

And it was like the one meme about the almost politically correct redneck, because all the comments were like: "aint no way that's a man, you see the way she's punching? she hits like a girl. she's doing a damn good job though."

[ludinusdaleth]

Hello, hello~ how about 14, 18, and 20? For of course Ludinus and Artagan lol.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

ludinus - when he showed up in that long cloak & capelet in c2e88 i knew he would thrive with victorian fashion. anything historically british is probably something i wouldn't blink twice about on him, but victorian era longcoats? oh man.

artagan - this is maybe going to sound like the most out of left field thing you've ever heard in your life but listen.... arti would rule redneck "fashion", okay. if he grows his stupid adorable chin beard out, puts on shitty oakleys, and wears camo cargo pants with a sleeveless shirt....? that man would look, frankly, beautiful to my texan self. he would make it work because even despite matching the wild disarray of the look, he'd still very obviously be out of place, like a queer/hippie who somehow stumbled into a bass pro. and yet it would at the same time look correct on him. he'd have a blast down here, trolling conservatives but also genuinely enjoying southern chaos. it fits in my head perfectly. even if it is insane.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

artagan - how could it be anyone but jester. genuinely the best relationship of all fucking time. i want to weep thinking about them. they love each other so much. jester doing everything for him even when he's failed her and him rising up to that when he's never risen up to anything and learning to be selfless. just. oh my god. oh my god.

ludinus - it's incredible how ludinus operates with otohan & liliana, but your meta's gone into that thoroughly. im also very floored every time he does try to extend an olive branch and just be human (for lack of a better word) to characters like fearne, imogen, or caleb.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

ludinus - i very often imagine a world where devexian & ludinus learned of each others existence, met, and silently sat together in a small nook in a tea shop or lud's tower. not much needs to be said, except the occasional sigh at an old shared memory of an aeorian park, or the buffoonery of the somnovem. a world where they aren't probably on opposite or at least different sides of vengeance, where both can just admit they are fucking tired old men who've lived too long.

artagan - apart from jester? i think arti needs to meet fearne, morrighan, even yu. he's far from any kind of father figure, but.... he sure could be their uncle. these young fae folk are being tossed in the seas of their peoples useless politics, and arti's heart would strain knowing even more of his people are pawns who are forced out of their whimsy for war. he would almost dote on them, in his odd aloof dick-joking way.

thank you!!

[communionwaiver]

Man. Thinking about the impending civil war and the historic divide between rural and city cultures, politically and economically.

I go home and it takes a day or two to adjust to people being so friendly on the surface. I wear my IU sweater to get groceries in Chicago and I wonder if it makes my neighbors feel unsafe. There used to be a SAM neighborhood in Uptown, Chicago, bulldozed to make way for a school. The organizing YPO were destroyed by the same COINTELPRO that attempted to destroy the Black Panthers they allied with. There's a lot of retired miners in Wabash and a lot of them SAMs who've trickled in on the Hillbilly Highway since the Coal Wars. None of that did the public schools of Indiana ever tell us about.

My grandparents all spoke Appalachian English and a good 1/3 of my classmates were from Kentucky. A lot of us had our accents and dialects pressured out of us in school, something I initially felt stupid talking about with my Latino friends who almost certainly have it worse than me, but turns out my experiences - watching my classmates be singled-out by teachers for how they pronounce certain words, and being a shithead kid correcting my grandparents' grammar - aren't at all unique. Neither are being cut off from most of your family geographically and feeling out of place in both spaces. I'm not at all unique in that I fled to Chicago to escape the poverty and violence at home and it's stupid to separate those shared experiences along racial lines.

Additionally, I'm so frustrated with city liberals' tendency to ignore that people like me exist - LGBT, mostly, as that's all I can speak to asides disability, which is also under-acknowledged - anywhere outside of their neighborhoods except when politically convenient. Trans rights are important in red states until it comes time to talk about letting them fall into the ocean. Gay rights matter when it's something good about 'us' and bad about 'them'. 'WE' are the liberals, effeminate queers, and immigrants, and 'THEY' are the stupid rednecks who want us all dead, never mind the stupid faggot rednecks who live and work in your neighborhood, never mind the 'us' that live in those useless, shit-hole states. A rural liberal is only a temporarily-embarrassed urbanite.

Like. Diversity is great, I agree. I would never ask anyone to be more like me for my own sake, and I appreciate greatly that the people I live around now are so different from me, I do. It feels like, to the liberals who support me so loudly, the only options I have are to stop being an ex-cultist hillbilly or to stop being a faggot. And I don't think that kind of cultural ultimatum is unique to me, either.

[hafalafel]

בוצע ניסיון לסקר בטלגרם, אך תוצאותיו לא פורסמו כי אין למפלגת עלה ירוק מספיק חברים למלא כנסת שלמה

[cothica-keywitch]

It's all about the Almost Politically Correct Redneck vs Fake-Nerd Girl or Annoying Facebook Girl energy

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

[jiskblr]

“He a little confused, but he got the spirit” and Almost-politically-correct Redneck are wholesome memes. You don’t know what you’re doing in a hilarious way, but you’re honestly trying, so we'll laugh at you but in a fairly kind way.

[tehfabbooty]

Cupid, Part 2

As you walked down the street to Rick's, you looked around. It was still unbelievable a place so civilized existed in such a fucked up world, and even more so that you were here. Sometimes you wondered if you had actually died and this was your version of heaven: being with Daryl and all your family all the time.

You smiled to yourself, happy. Even if Daryl had no idea of your feelings, you still loved being close with him, even as friends. You grew close when you guys were on the Greene farm, and ever since then you've only fallen harder for the redneck. You told each other everything, from birthdays to middle names to people you have lost. Secrets, weaknesses, pasts, favorite colors, foods. Scars.

You cringed a little. When Daryl told you about his scars, you knew immediately to tread lightly on the subject. You never brought them up, you just let him tell you when he was ready. Another reason he fell for you. You never pushed him on things. You were understanding, concerned.

He watched you walk in thought, wondering what you were thinking. He couldn't help but admire the way you seemed to always glow. To him, even when you were covered in mud and blood, you still glowed. You were the most gorgeous thing he's ever seen. He watched as your beautiful long h/c swung back and forth behind you, listened to you hum quietly to yourself. Damn.

Suddenly he felt something pinch his back. He started to turn his head to see what had hit him, but he didn't get that far. His eyes landed on you. He couldn't take them off of you. He never could.

Immediately forgetting whatever just pinched him, he kept his eyes on you, but made sure not to make it obvious as he didn't want to be caught staring.

It didn't matter anyways. You could feel his eyes burning through your soul like fire. A blush made its way up your cheeks, so you made sure to keep your face forward to avoid eye contact.

As you two climbed the steps to Rick's porch, a sound behind you caught your attention. Daryl scowled when he realized who it was.

"Hey Y/N,"Spencer greeted.

"Oh hey, Spencer,"you replied casually.

Daryl leaned towards you so Spencer couldn't hear. "Thought this 'get-together' was for just the group?"he muttered, a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

You didn't notice. You turned towards him. "I thought so too, but I guess since it was a close call for all of us, Rick must have invited him over."

Daryl scoffed. He was going to have a talk with him about this later.

Before anyone could knock, the door swung open revealing Michonne with Judith on her hip. She grinned at you, knowing your crush on Daryl. Then her eyes hit Spencer.

For a second, a flash of confusion crossed her brown eyes, but it was gone in a flash as she welcomed you inside.

"Dinner will be ready in a few. Ran a little behind thanks to this monster,"she joked as she bounced Judy.

You smirked. "She keeps you busy though,"you said with a smile at the baby.

"Ohhh yes." You both laughed.

Sitting down on the couch in the living room, you yawned. Tonight would be an early night for you.

Spencer sat down next to you. "Tired much?"he joked.

"Nah, wide awake. Did nothing today to make me tired,"you replied sarcastically.

Daryl rolled his eyes as he sat across from you, glaring daggers at the Monroe boy. That seat should have been his.

Before he could make snide remark to Spencer, Rick came in. "Dinner, y'all."

In the dining room, you sat between Carol and Daryl, with Spencer directly across from you. Rick sat at the head of the table across from Michonne, with the baby next to him in a high chair. Next to him was Carl, then Glenn and Maggie. Abraham next to Maggie, Rosita across from him. Eugene decided not to join the party, you guessed.

Plates were passed around and dinner was served.

"Some mashed potatoes, Y/N?"Spencer asked politely while dumping some on his plate.

"Ooh, yes,"you said excitedly. That was your favorite food.

Daryl smiled at your excitement, but it quickly vanished as Spencer loaded your plate for you. He bit his lip, trying not to start shit.

You didn't notice. You got your plate back and dug in, almost moaning at how delicious it was.

You looked at Carol. "You made this didn't you?"

She laughed. "Correct. Why, is it good?"

You moaned. "Oh yes."

Everyone laughed, except Daryl. He was trying to fix the slight bulge in his pants after hearing you moan. For some reason, all of his senses were extremely alert to everything about you today. Not that he isn't everyday, but today felt different.

After dinner, everyone settled in the living room to hang out for a bit. You decided to help Carol wash dishes first, and as soon as you two were alone, Carol smirked at you.

"What?"you asked, smirking back.

"Don't pretend I don't know what's going on between you and Daryl,"she said with a grin as she scrubbed a plate.

You almost choked, a blush furiously growing on your cheeks.

"I dunno what you mean,"you lied, avoiding eye contact.

"Bullshit. He's been googly-eying you for weeks now. Years maybe. He just hid it better before we got here." She giggled. "And you have too, don't lie."

You swallowed. "Am I that obvious?"

"To us, yes. But Daryl is very oblivious, and so are you it seems."

You rolled your eyes. "He doesn't like me like that."

She raised her eyebrows at you. "And you know that for sure? Honey, I have caught him staring at you more times than I can count. Blushing when I bring it up, watching him get jealous when Spencer's around. He's madly in love with you, even if he won't admit it, even to me,"she said.

You snorted. "He must be good at hiding it from me then, if he is."

"Or you're that blind." Carol grinned.

You chuckled.

After washing up, you guys joined the rest in the living room, watching a few people start a card game.

Suddenly Maggie pulled a black box out from her bag. "Anyone down for Cards Against Humanity?"she called.

"Hell yes! I love this game,"you retorted.

You guys formed a small circle around the coffee table, Spencer to your left and Daryl to your right.

"Gonna join, Carol?"you asked.

"Nah, I'll just watch." She winked at you.

For the next few hours, you lost yourself in the game. Loud laughter, shocked expressions, and hurt stomachs from laughing so hard brought you almost to the edge of exhaustion, but you didn't want to stop. You were having the time of your life.

Daryl couldn't believe, even after all these years of knowing you, how dark your humor could be. He watched your eyes glinting mischievously as you won round after round, his eyes widening after realizing how dirty and dark your mind was.

And it turned him on bad.

"Okay, who had the Ak-47 card?"Glenn demanded, grinning.

You raised your hand slowly, laughing.

"Goddamn, Y/N. You're such a fucking savage,"Glenn said, shaking his head with a smirk as he handed you the question card.

"Damn right I am, Glenny boy." You raised your fist in a victory punch.

A twinge of jealously shot through Daryl. Over Glenn, a married man, no less. But he couldn't help himself, for some reason. You never gave Daryl a nickname.

He chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating. Why was he feeling so jealous today? He was never this bad any other day.

After everyone finished up their games, it was time to go home. You stood up and stretched your arms out, your shirt raising a little, exposing your stomach and your belly button piercing.

Daryl stared. He knew you had that piercing, but he never knew the belly button ring was that of an arrow.

A low growl rumbled in his chest. Sunovabitch, he thought.

It was getting harder and harder to resist you. To slam you against a wall and kiss you.

Dirty thoughts filled his head. His eyes darkened as he watched you lower your arms, a tired smile on your face. He wanted you bad.

[posteminent-blog]

@fullydrcwn it’s the Almost Politically Correct Redneck meme.

[tessatechaitea]

Darkstars #8

Worst homecoming theme ever.

This is the last issue of Darkstars I own. I'm a little bit sad that I own this one because this cover is poo on fire. I suspect that Past Me, much like current me, never looked at the covers of the comics as he bought them. He just saw the title and grabbed the magazine, adding it to the pile to take to the register. Usually when the cashier is ringing up my comics is the first time I'll really look at the covers and I'm not the type of person to grab the cashier's hand as they pick up a comic book to ring it up and yell, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast! This comic book looks like runny diarrhea! I'm putting it back." No, I'm more the kind of person who notices how awful the comic book looks and simply lets out a nearly inaudible, haunting moan from the deepest part of that part of me my old friend Soy Rakelson would probably call a soul. I just call it the part of my brain that's going to get the skewer first when I finally decide none of this Goddamned pain is worth it anymore. Look at this fucking terrible cover. This 90s art is the kind of art that was (and often still is) hailed as dynamic by critics and fans who never seem to know the difference between "dynamic" and "posed." This doesn't look like a shot of these idiots having just finished a battle with a mechanical bull. It just looks like they stood in line with their prom photo tickets until they were waved over and told to look at the camera and smile before being hustled off the stage for the next couple's chance at a shitty memory. It's been a few days since I wrote a comic book review because I've been busy with my other project. I set up an Artificial Intelligence program to come up with new names for Xanth novels. These are some of my favorites: Centaurs Can't Masturbate The Boner Tree Titillating Minors Makes Money The Word Bosom Fifty Thousand Times in a Row No Matter How Many Naked Women are Described, Never Mention Their Genitals Whoops! That Scene Was Too Sexy In This One, A Dragon Fucks a Duck The Human Nickelpede Seriously Though. They Can't Fucking Masturbate! Seventy Unfunny Puns and Sixteen More That Don't Make Any Sense This Book is the Merriam-Webster Definition of Chauvinism Convicting Somebody of Rape is Embarrassing for Both Parties So Maybe Just Forget About It? Whoops! I Gave a Ten Year Old Female Centaur Huge Boobs. Can We Fix This in Post? If You've Read Piers Anthony's Other Books and Enjoyed Them, Maybe You'll Like This Book That He Put Way Less Effort Into Magic Doesn't Recognize Same-Sex Relationships But a Human Can Fuck a Goat and Produce a Mutant Offspring

Oh no! Are they planning on destabilizing a region so they can send in the military and take control of its oil?

Eight issues in and I haven't discussed the Darkstars uniform. Ignore the one on the cover; the artist completely fucked that one up. Just check out the one on the panel scanned above. What's with the piano keys theme? Will we eventually learn that they're powers are tied to music in the same way the Green Lantern power is tied to emotion? Did Grant Morrison ever use the Darkstars in his Multiversity lore as the movers and shakers of the harmony of the spheres which allowed for the different universes vibrating on different musical frequencies? But most importantly: can you play Chopsticks on a Darkstars' chest? Another great (?) aspect of the Darkstars uniform is the huge arrow pointing at the crotch. Whenever I wear super tight material that hugs my junk and exposes my intimacy, I love to call attention to it. "Hey hey hey! Ladies and Gents! Have you ever wondered exactly what my cock and balls look like? Check it out! Also this isn't vulgar because you're looking at cloth and not my skin even if the cloth hugs every wrinkle and vein. So please stop trying to have me arrested." It turns out "The American Way" isn't destabilization of countries who have resources that Americans want but don't want to pay for; "The American Way" is advertising jobs for needed positions. Man, that's so boring. And yet, it's the most interesting part of this comic book series so far!

In 1993, what does "some familiarity with computers" mean? That you've used Koala Pad and wasted tons of meat by killing bears on The Oregon Trail?

I know, I know! By 1993, people no longer even remembered Koala Pad and The Oregon Trail. It's just I don't really remember what was big in 1993. AOL Chat and Myst, maybe? You might also be wondering why Carla is dressed like a lunatic. Turns out, she's taking the Darkstars to a Country Western Bar. Yee haw! I'm pretty sure the first bar I ever went to was a Country Western Bar, The Saddle Rack, in San Jose, California. It was my 21st birthday and we were there because my friend Bob and I had made a pact when we were ten that when we turned 21, we were going to ride a mechanical bull. Bob turned twenty-one 23 days before me and he also remembered that stupid pact for eleven years. I also opened some presents that night and the woman I was dating gave me a Lobo t-shirt.

Geez, we get it, Darkstar. Your entire race was murdered. Don't make us feel guilty about having fun just because your people "used to have fun too."

What a dumb question, Carla! Obviously he knows what music is. He's got a fucking piano painted on his chest. While Darkstar hits the bar, Homeless Mo hires an office manager and K'lassh destroy's Darkstar's ship in orbit. Also, I should probably stop calling Mo Douglas "Homeless Mo." He lives at the office now!

Ugh! What's with all this political correctness and virtue signalling?! Why can't this old comic book be more like, um, older comic books and just stick to bank robberies and punching bad guys? I mean super villain bad guys bent on taking over the world and not white supremacist bad guys intent on taking over America! I mean, well, you know what I mean! Just have the good guy punch the obviously bad guy who doesn't need to espouse terrible social beliefs that I might also espouse! We know he's bad! Just make him generally bad or you're going to alienate your readership! I know racism is bad! But shoving it down my throat like this just makes me think, "Maybe it's not so bad?"

That previous caption was satirical and not actually my personal feelings. See, the thing about writing is that you can write whatever you can imagine and it doesn't make the thing you've written some secret insight into the truth of the writer. It's just shit that was typed in half a second without any thought at all behind it. Except, I mean, there was a lot of thought behind it. And a lot of that thought was less about Comics Gaters types currently spouting a lot of that kind of garbage and more about comic book fans writing letters to old comics that were saying the same kinds of things twenty and thirty years before it got a stupid "Let's append -gate to another word!" name. Also, it did not take half a second. Mostly because my brain is broken and it took me forever to pull the word "alienate" out of it even though it was the word I wanted to use and I knew the definition and could almost hear the word in my head but my brain was all, "Fuck you. Why should I give you this word you're seeking? You know how many hits of LSD you rammed through me, you careless asshole? Get fucked!" Darkstar takes an interest in the mechanical bull and is all, "Aw, that doesn't look so tough! Not like this space mechanical bull from this place in space I know!" Some drunk and tough cowjerk hears Darkstar's comments and simply assumes, like I assume he always assumes, that Darkstar is emasculating him with his words.

Beau is the Lobo of the Country Western Bar.

Darkstar decides the best way to calm the situation is to ride the mechanical bull. Beau watches him and yells, "He's the best I've ever seen!" It begins to look like Darkstar's plan is going to work until some other rube tells Beau, "That guy ain't human!" Beau goes full redneck and is all, "Yeah! He ain't! That means I have a duty to try and get him killed!" He then throws the switch on the mechanical bull to "Do Not Attempt This! Dangerous! Why Did We Even Add This Setting?!" Carla cold cocks Beau to help save Darkstar even though he doesn't need help. Wasn't she listening when he told his story about the space mechanical bull in space and how it was way harder than the Earth version? Darkstar breaks the mechanical bull with his crotch and will now have to pay for the damages. It's a good thing he's saved all that gold by firing Flint last issue. I don't know if it ever happened because this was the last issue of Darkstars I ever read but I hope Beau came back as a villain and called himself Low Beau.

Dammit. Now I want cake.

Carla writes a check to pay for the damages to the bar just as K'lassh arrives. Carla decides to keep her checkbook out. Darkstars #8 Rating: B+. I don't know if this issue was better than the rest because I knew it was the last issue I was going to read or because it objectively was better. At least I didn't have to suffer through Travis Charest's 90s art. This issue was done by guest penciller Patrick Zircher! Basically that meant it looked like 80s comics which I never mean to defend when I say 90s comics art was terrible. There was a lot of 80s comic art that was fucking awful as well! But it was standard awful! 90s art was unbearable because it was objectively terrible in so many ways (anatomy, asymmetry, overuse of specific tropes) but people proclaimed it the greatest art they had ever seen. I wouldn't have minded so much if everybody was all, "Well, this isn't great but it's different. Let's see what happens with it for awhile!" Anyway, in my world, Darkstar was murdered by K'lassh and there was never another issue.

[hafalafel]

מם זה הוכן כשירות לציבור על ידי גבר אשכנזי.

[all-funny-memes]

Almost politically correct racist redneck.

[pappasaur]

This is like the almost politically correct redneck but in real life