#all these things hitting like a stone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dirt-goth · 2 years

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Spent a lot of time this week thinking about the inherent vulnerability of being loved and was hit with the overwhelming realization of how much love I have been surrounded in and refused to let myself experience thanks to my own deep insecurities.

#all the ways my friends have been screaming 'I love you' for years that I shrugged off calmly and ungratefully #all the times I refused the idea anyone could love or care for /me/ the way I often do for others #all these things hitting like a stone #all the times I wish I would have said 'thank you #'thank you for seeing something in me' instead of assuring them they were wrong. instead of insisting I MUST be bad because I felt bad #and even now knowing all this how hard it is to combat that instinct and finally let myself be loved the way I love #all the different ways crashing like a wave #'i miss you'#'come visit'#'move back here'#'when will I see you again?'#'can I call?'#'I'm glad you're still here'#and all the ways I just. never let myself think they meant it and how ungrateful I have been #it's a lot and it's not just me but god im so so.lucky #so lucky to live a life full of love and friends who stay and new ones all the time and its just hard #seeing all the ways i worsened my own pain in my worst moments because I just refused to see a beyter world #i couldn't imagine telling myself a decade ago where we end up #and i couldn't imagine that kid even believing we stayed alive #and it hurts but also feels very veru good #to be here #to see the love #to get a second chance with all of it #sorry guys lol

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rainbowresurrection · 11 months

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Data is a hoot because he's constantly trying out new shit. One day everyone wakes up and he's in his stoner phase and Picard yells at him for danking out the bridge

#but everyone else thinks it's funny #riker and troi exchanging glances pretending that they didnt take a hit when Data offered #Geordi's stoned out of his goard but he's all good because he's just chilling in engineering #he has to be the one to break it to Data that Stoner Data can't be a thing unless hes on shoreleave #hes like there is a time and a place data. Im sorry I encouraged you #TNG #st tng #data #lmao #star trek shitposting #st data

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mira-likes · 1 month

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I've previously joked about Fan Xian's daddy issues wrt the emperor, but on a rewatch, they surprisingly seem to surface for the first time in s2 episode 6. Or at least, that's the best way I can explain Fan Xian's approach to accusing the Second Prince of treason at family brunch.

I mean, it goes without saying that he wanted to reveal the Second Prince's crimes and bring him to justice. That's a given. But frankly, there were better ways to do that if that was the only thing on his mind. No, imo his other goal here was to test the emperor—the emperor's feelings about justice, and also about Fan Xian himself. He wanted to get a read on his importance to the emperor after finding out that he was secretly one of the emperor's kids.

The emperor has blown hot and cold to Fan Xian over time! He's given him a lot of leeway and indulgence, but on the other hand also sent him to Northern Qi and put him in danger, and also got properly furious at the whole fake death act. It's hard to figure him out. Fan Xian has reason to believe the emperor might value him; even right before the confrontation, the emperor summons him to family brunch with the princes (point 1 in the 'favour' column) and fakes his punishment for deceiving the ruler (point 2 in the 'favour' column). But ultimately Fan Xian doesn't know whom to trust at the moment, and he wants to see where the emperor stands on everything. And how Fan Xian measures up against the real princes in his estimation.

So he takes a gamble. And loses.

"Who do you think you are?" the emperor thunders at him, after he accuses the Second Prince.

And Fan Xian's mouth twists, like: also your kid, actually. But apparently my words don't weigh anything with you when an actual prince is here.

And he says as much to Chen Pingping later, while angrily cleaning the monument with his mother's words: "The emperor protected his own son. It's only natural." With the heavy implication of—he's chosen the son he wants to protect, and that's not me. And he's mad about everything that's happening—that the emperor chooses to shield the Second Prince even when he's committing crimes—but also a little about the fact that the emperor sided with the Second Prince over him.

(And then Chen Pingping says that the emperor didn't actually take Fan Xian's bureau position away, and does want him to investigate the Second Prince after all. And in so doing, he gets Fan Xian to calm down. Much of Fan Xian's new equilibrium is, of course, down to how he now sees a way to fight against the Second Prince! But he does stand up a little straighter once he realises the emperor wasn't actually against him that whole time. And imo that means something.)

#we're just not used to this emotional vulnerability from fan xian and so it's a look on him that's hard to recognise #he doesn't normally have issues about other people like that. he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him normally #but the parentage reveal did hit him hard in northern qi. he’s been very chill about all family things but he’s not made of stone either.#though. girl. this is a bad dad to have issues about. probably the worst dad you could've chosen. and you have OPTIONS #joy of life spoilers #joy of life #joy of life 2 #(though just to be clear--i don't mean to say that fan xian likes the emperor or generally seeks his approval. it's not about that really #but there are some complex bitter feelings that surface from time to time towards the emperor specifically. and none of the other dads)

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baby-xemnas · 1 year

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"Bepo-tachi"

#:)#YOU KNOW #POSTING FOR NO REASON. not related to the luzo i just reblogged at all.#its a captain-first mate thing #...you wouldnt understand #one piece #lawbepo #cute that he says it after he finds that hed been hit with sea stone arrow or whatever it was #''thats all fine ill walk it off oh god my silly wife and the other two''#(bepo is not silly about following orders tho! hid with penshachi like a good boy...)

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thegreatyin · 3 days

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...how many masters has the Scoundrel actually like, talked to, like a full conversation

counting RP adventures, a good handful. honestly they've probably realistically talked to all of them (sans the obvious exceptions of mirrors and The Other One™) because they're mr cards and lord knows they make a habit of involving themself in masterly business (especially if the other bats don't actually want anything to do with them)

#i think they have actually talked with pretty much all of them in-game too? counts on fingers.#pages is The heart's desire bat. veils had paisley (+ additional rp adventures where it bullied the scoundrel for sport)#happles has the heart's game basement #spices fires and wines can all be called to st8tion (and spices has the watchful gains arc. and also wines is... Wines. iykyk.)#stones just had the trading post thing #and while they havent interacted with cups properly in-game it did make an rp cameo in the cufflink incident #which im counting as having talked to it bc it's canon to the scoundrel's continuity if nothing else #so. ironically. pretty much the only master they're actually lacking in having talked to is iron.#which. i mean.#it doesnt talk in the first place lmao #ask #fallen london #they do live in the bazaar as a (wannabe) space bat! they have actually talked with their coworkers!!!!#they're just. y'know. also stupid. and think said coworkers know exactly what they're all doing at all times.#a trait all of the masters definitely totally are known for exhibiting 24/7 /s #the scoundrel fixates on wines the most but they definitely look up to just like. all of the masters in general.#they're a stupid fledgeling bat that wants to be Just Like The Other Bats #and they think (they hope) someday they'll get properly taken into the bat fold #they just. need to try harder! and wait a little bit longer!#surely once they're just a little bit more curatorial the other masters will respect and welcome them. surely.#..surely.#(nevermind the fact that these fuckers dont even respect and welcome each other)#scoundrelventures #the scoundrel is horrendously horribly unbelievably delusional and we love that for it. i hope it gets hit by a car

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peppermint-jade · 1 month

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been listening to some big finish lately

the Ninth Doctor adventures have been so good so far. Planet of the End is a personal favorite of mine. I will die for Fred actually.

I also started 8's main range, and I love Charley. I hope nothing bad happens to her (:

Closeups of the 9 comic under the cut:

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yutamayo · 14 days

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...is it that obvious?

#Yuta: motherfucker it is painfully obvious. that old lady across the street literally just yelled “I hope things work out for you”#Gen: she was talking to me?#Yuta: my brother in pining she was talking to all of us.#Naruto: hey have u seen a guy named Sasuke around?? he has spiky black hair like dark as the night sky n the face of an angel n his waist-#Akutagawa: I swear to god Naruto if you don't shut the fuck up #Gen: can we stop at the national observatory on the way? I need to pick up some stuff at the gift shop #Yuta: idk I gotta hit up the flower shop before it closes #Naruto: do u think Sasuke would want flowers today? he always throws them in the trash but it's the thought that counts... right?#Yuta: shut the FUCK up Naruto #Gen: it'll be quick I pre-ordered everything #Akutagawa: you can pre-order stuff from an observatory?#Gen: well I can I'm a regular. the cashiers & managers & even the security guards all know me #Yuta: well we don't have all day. Ryu and I also gotta stop by the hospital for bandages #Gen: why don't you just go to a pharmacy?#Akatugawa: it's the only place we can get them in bulk #Gen: ... I'm not even gonna ask #Yuta: do I look like I care?#Naruto: Sasuke cares about me... right?#Yuta & Akutagawa in unison: SHUT THE FUCK UP NARUTO #Naruto: ...everything reminds me of Sasuke...#Gen: actually i think i saw the guy ur talking about all the way at the end of the feild #*Naruto already running through the feild*: SASUKEEEE #*Gen jumping in car*: I lied so u better step on it #Akutagawa: ... everything reminds me of Dazai...#naruto #bungo stray dogs #dr stone #yuta okkotsu #get in loser #quick

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terminallyworkingonit · 2 months

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I wish the Mythbusters were real cause then I could ask them to test if Serena Williams can deflect an RPG with a tennis racket if she swings hard enough.

#obviously they wouldn’t endanger her #instead they would calculate the force with which she can swing a racket #then they would build a robot arm to swing the racket with that exact force #then they would all stand really far away #behind a plexiglass folding screen thing #except for Adam #who would be launching the rpg himself #then they would count down like #‘and in 3’#‘2’#‘1’#KABOOM #then the narrator would say some witty shit about the outcome of the test #‘ looks like 115 meters per second still isn’t fast enough to beat Momma Smash’#Jamie will comment how he wished Robo-Serena had won the point instead of hitting out of bounds #then a pile of tennis balls would explode to reveal the metal ‘CONFIRMED’ plate and we cut to commercial #does this count as fan fiction?#is there even mythbusters fan fiction?#I looked it up on Ao3 and there absolutely is #interesting #obviously I can’t judge #something about stones in glass houses #why are you still reading these tags #stop reading the tags #terminallyworkingonit #mythbusters

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kuromi-hoemie · 3 months

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lol i love how yesterday morning i was like “i love nightmares pls send me one” and i had 3 back to back 💀

*hesitantly* i ... i love nightmares..? send me one... once a week? no, twice a week

#one was living in a kind of big 1 story house w other ppl and trying to survive a bear attack #my middle dream i don't remember #and my third dream is kind of long to explain ૮ – ﻌ–ა #but basically me n a bunch of other ppl were trapped in a big house by ppl who were analogous to the iof and we needed to get out #before they killed us all.. most ppl were too scared to try running but compliance does not guarantee safety.. only 2 others left w me #and there was some thing.. like an ogre ig?? sorta looked like a v tall v buff dude and he kept trying to throw a ball at us w full force #but it hits like a cannon so we had to dodge that or be obliterated (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) we made it but i def left some stuff behind back at the #house like my wallet n maybe my phone etc so they had more info to go off of but i woke up a lil after the ogre guy #all i remember from the second dream is i remember being atop a large tower and the stones in the walls were part of an #ancient magical seal that had something to do w the creator's connection w birds and it was sort of a sacred site?#bc the stones together formed an invisible barrier over the area and birds were attracted to the area. u could pull the stones out #the wall if u wanted to 🤭 ur not supposed to but You Could. all else i remember is being in my car w three others #w me in the back and we drove past a fucking tornado akfkakak. i don't remember the actual plot of that dream or what #pushed it into nightmare territory but i have had quite an adrenaline filled night 🫡 being locked up in the torture/slavery/prisoner house #was the one that made me get up. where did these come from???¿ i basically just fell asleep watching Steven universe #👉🏾👉🏾 at least they weren't emotional nightmares.. i much prefer situational ones

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 months

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excerpts from the Lambda Literary Award winning 2 Trans 2 Furious: an extremely serious journal of Transgender Street Racing Studies

#2 trans 2 furious #not even half the entries sampled here & not even hitting all my personal particular faves #something to say about Everything. including like bonus materials / interstitials lol #they keep emphasizing to every contributor to consider themself a lammy award winner too. okay! and with my ao3 hugo #X WILL STILL. BE. DRIVING. i was still learning about the concept of mattering; so i didn't push the issue of basic respect at the time.#always a wink and a laugh. always a scowl and an exit. always a thing. always not a big deal; really. never a burden. never burdened.#cool-tempered yet hot-headed. jason statham will call my dad a pussy in fast 12. can't wait to find out why they were gonna kill that baby #cam stone #fast & furious crossroads #ya never know. happy pride

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generalb · 6 months

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I have breached making 10k in stardew I truly am The Farmer

#it’s spring so I’m planting so many potatoes for the big quest I feel like technoblade #stardew valley #I’m sorta in this pause until I hit summer because I’ve done almost all the junimo things #to the point that the only ones left are in the summer #I also need to get to 100 in the skull cavern #I cheesed getting to 25 by making a bunch of stone stairs but I’m doing that again would only be a waste #yet I do not know what to do to upgrade myself outside of buying that lava katana

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moe-broey · 1 month

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Idk I also just hate the future actually. My ass is Always living in the past or simply day to day 💪💪💪

#HELP ...... SO MANY OF MY DAYDREAMS CENTER AROUND THIS ACTUALLY.....#like. huge point of drama/point of contention between alfonse and moe is that moe Hesitates.#even outright Refuses. to consider the future. where alfonse's future seems set in stone that is the path he's been striving for all long #moe feels like it won't have a place there. you'll be king. you'll be all set. you'll probably have to have a queen #and even if it's a political marriage thing (WHICH. I HAVE SO MUCH HC LORE ABOUT --#like no one specifically but like. alfonse is the type of guy who has accepted this long ago and just treats it as a fact of life #which moe RESENTS. HOW are you gonna fuckinh ACCEPT THAT. your life entirely out of your own hands #bitch i'll fucking KILL YOU. ect)#also as a side there was a whole wedding banner wip that explored that that i. forgor about #but like. alfonse tries SO hard to convince moe that there WILL be a place for it by his side. he will MAKE that place if he has to #also a king4king situation isn't feasible i think moe would be a concubine (gay style). or an enuch or something #like moe does NOT want to be in any position of actual authority. that's not its heart. it's a support guy through and through #but going back to the start. moe is the type of guy who's convinced it's going to be replaced.#moe is the type of guy who burns bridges and feels a sense of relief. moe is the type of guy who is looking for ANY excuse #to run away. and ESP to reframe it as 'you're better off without me'.#the only reason it was able to get so close to alfonse is bc it was convinced alfonse wouldn't get attached to it #and when he did moe was convinced Well. this will all be temporary anyway. i'll take it day by day #make the most of it. and whenever alfonse hits it w one of his classic zingers like #the more you have to lose the worse it hurts when you do doesn't that make you feel lonely. SHUP FUCKIYBNG SHUT YPUR FUCK UP‼️‼️‼️#moe is a normal guy with no problems. definitely no commitment issues or intimacy issues. i promise.#ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME. BEEN TURNING THIS AROUND IN MY HEAD TOO. ESP W MY CURRENT WIP #and the feelings it invokes in me. moe is SO CONVINCED. SO CONVINCED. it's gonna fuck alfonse over big time #do NOT make me your lifeline i swear to fucking god. i Promise You. i Will Fail You.#adjacent but moe being a healer is ENDLESSLY. FASCINATING TO ME. LIKE MY GOD #healer that is just SO destructive. that's w.. that's part of why... it became a healer.........#like god. being a healer to ensure that if you get rid of me you'll be at a disadvantage.#nevermind the fact that i have a role exclusive to me. not good enough. i need More insurance.#the way. the role it took upon itself. when it was younger. to be the fixer. to clean up after [redacted]#and its never ending cycle. ever since it was a child. its never ending cycle of tearing itself apart #to rebuild itself anew. better this time. Perfect this time. this time. this time. this time.

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non-plutonian-druid · 9 months

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HUH.

i guess i should have been tipped off in the very first episode, when sally questioned the assumption that medusa is a monster. that they were gonna tie medusa more thematically to sally

but they made smelly gabe both more fun to watch and less shitty, (which do not necessarily go hand in hand), and it really made me think they werent gonna have sally kill him. but they are Playing Up the parallels between sally and medusa *hard* (which honestly... the parallels always existed and it astonishes me that i never noticed before. huge props to whoever decided to make it so much more concrete) which makes very little sense unless sally DOES kill smelly gabe.

maybe theyre gonna have sally do something else, but either way its Gonna involve medusa and Hopefully it involves murder and i am Intrigued

#pjo #pjo spoilers #i really am obsessed with the way theyre tweaking the emotional beats to hit harder #its the theme of the books except More #so much more bitterness towards the gods #monsters sniffing out Your Specific weakness #and also Escaping Shitty Men With The Power Of Turning Them To Stone #i like that they switched uncle ferdinand from a gag to an emotional beat to spur grover yelling at the other two to get their asses in gea #i always felt kinda bad for grover that that was a joke hahaha #i could write So Much about my thoughts about the changes theyre making for the show #i guess i could do that i guess liveblogging is a thing people do #LMAO and i have to mention. the oracle speaking through smelly gabe. omg that was incredible. i had to pause and rewind three times #i dont want to give in to my instinct to attribute all the changes to rick but rick if you did that ur a genius

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bitegore · 3 months

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it would be nice if every time i turned around something else didn't go fucking wrong. Thank you

#red rambles #I need a punching bag or something. i can't keep hitting things against my desk i already damaged it #seething like you wouldn't believe #you know what. fuck it. im getting stoned #this edible is fucking disgusting. why do they keep making them fruit flavored #it doesnt work with the flavor profile of weed at all

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drysauce · 3 months

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truly a blessing that im not home right now or i don't what i'd do to my roommate. fucking audacity

#long story short results from the final test from water constructiona got posted #she got the 9th highest score out of all 150 people #i barely passed having 2 points over the limit and our 3rd friend was short on 3 points so she will have to retake #mind you that last girl was the one who actually put the most work into this out of us three #she actually thoroughly prepared me while i read the presentations twice and my roommate didn't do anything at all #roommate got a cheat sheet minutes before the test from some rando and just copied the answers that were there #and now is boasting how she got one of the top scores without wasting any time #got lucky okay that's life #but then on the general uni group chat one guy asked about when's the 2nd try for the test #and i response to which my roommate on our private group started a whole ass monologue #that how in the worst HE didn't pass this. he was always getting top scores from all the subject. he got a 5.0 from hydrology #well shut the fuck up he's just some guy who's a student like anyone else #it's not set in stone that he'll always have top scores because it's just fucking hard anyway can do worse sometimes even top students #maybe he was tired maybe he didn't have time to study maybe he didn't have any cheat sheets and just tried to rely on his knowledge #anything can happen and he can get any grade just like anyone can #very few things piss me off as much as people saying stuff like her #i got so heated up over this that my head started to hurt #i hate it here #this is what makes me always so damn anxious before any test #because if i fail everyone always starts asking what happened and how ME out of all people didn't pass #so now when dhe started saying this about that guy it just hit to close to home i guess #i need to go on a walk to cool down

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thegreatyin · 3 months

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honestly looking back at all the irem futures. the funniest takeaway from all of them is that fires is 2000% doomed by the narrative. no matter what, This Specific Evil Capitalist Bat, out of All The Other Evil Capitalist Bats, is apparently The Most Dead Guy Coded member of the bazaar's fucked up goofy horrible workplace sitcom. how does (will?) this even happen

#even VEILS shows up. veils who perishes no matter what in 1/4 ambitions. fires is never mentioned aside from the implication it's dead #incredible. what happens to it. does it trip and fall into its own factory plant like the joker #yin-thoughts #fallen london #fallen london spoilers #i know it's involved in light fingers but i don't know how. all i know of LF is pregnancy horror is apparently involved and fires is there #..which. with the knowledge of spices' current Situation in railway. is perhaps the funniest possible way i couldve phrased that #i know the scoundrel obviously encountered veils bc they're not a BaL character #but afaik if you are stones subs in for it by default #fires isnt mentioned regardless. anywhere. except for the nearby future where it's apparently dead dead as hell #which means no matter what it's a 'default' that it's either missing dead or perhaps simultaneously both #incredible #personally im still holding out on my joke crack theory that railway will end with the scoundrel accidentally hitting it with the train #i think accidentally murdering their coworker would do fascinating things to that freak's psyche.#i dont think they've even processed that curators can die.

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