#all the several times it happened lol
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Noah fence but if you can't handle thinking about the actual story of Mouthwashing and you just want to imagine silly found family scenarios with the crew on the Tulpar then maybe you shouldn't be engaging with HORROR media...... just a thought.
#mouthwashing#100% gonna regret tagging it but whatever it's been on my mind a lot recently#i feel like mouthwashing absolutely should not have been fandom-ified the way it has been#I'm not saying that no one should enjoy it. I'm not saying that no one should make silly memes or hcs or fanart#I just feel like all the people who are like#“mouthwashing but nothing bad happens and everyone has a good time and Jimmy is a normal person and/or dies”#are kind of..... severely missing the point of the game#it feels almost disrespectful in a way. this game was clearly trying to communicate some heavy stuff#and ppl are just throwing that all away to play with the characters like dolls#I mean obv it's not really my business how other ppl engage with media but scrolling through the tags I'm like. man cmon#anyway Daisuke is my newest chew toy blorbo but if I try to draw him I need to actually be put down for real#rambles#(it's too late btw I already sketched him bc I was annoyed by seeing all the fanart where he just has a gash across his face)#(he got an AXE TO THE FACE)#oops it's 5 am lol
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random throwback to fabio's response to casey saying he should've been black flagged for the whole open leathers situation
#'he is at home and he likes to fish' is truly superb#//#brr brr#heretic tag#current tag#i was reminded of this in a very roundabout way... seeing a social media graphic celebrating fabio making q2#which is like. yes that's nice. but that's also inherently extremely depressing lbr#and i was kinda thinking how... look obviously people don't ignore it and yes the novelty has worn off after last year#but it feels like what's happened to fabio should STILL be getting more attention than it is. like it is a major injustice#that also no past stars of the sport are regularly having hot takes about! they mostly just ignore him!#i do sometimes link casey and fabio in my head. roughly the same age gap to the all-time-great hazing them during their rookie seasons#the only riders within their manufacturers able to wring performance out of their bikes over the course of several seasons#who suffered a competitive decline as their manufacturers went the wrong way#now obviously casey's 2010 is nowhere close to as abysmal as fabio's 2024 but. y'know. and at least casey got to leave for pastures greener#anyway given all that. it is funny that like their one significant interaction is fabio dismissing casey as a fisher#which ironically is of course a deeply casey line. casey had a whole thing about how retired riders should maybe know to stfu#“i have seen the real face of some with whom i had a good relationship” EXTREMELY casey line#and thus the cycle of life continues#(though casey was obviously right here lol)#ofc the main difference between the pair of them is that fabio at heart is a lover and casey is. not that
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it's kinda fascinating to me how welt has been "at the end of his life" for like. several decades by now. he goes on and on about how old and weary he is and how "his job is done" and his story is over but- oh wait i just realized i can phrase this in a very funny way- he's kind of sorta immortal now because he got the herrscher core back, so he's really just stuck in the epilogue for all eternity
#kdj will never leave my brain. clearly#hsr#or uh#hi3#???#idk?#ill just tag the guy himself#welt yang#like his story could have ended several times#with his self sacrifice during the second eruption or his self sacrifice in the sea of quanta or his self sacrifice in apho#man welt get your shit together#or with him teaching bronya to be his successor and her surpassing him#but none of these character arcs were about him. they were moreso about the effect he had on other characters. while he stays the same#and it makes sense because when does the guy ever think abt himself lol#but all of these endings would have been tragic in a way#so maybe this epilogue he's stuck in. the. the space train he's stuck in.#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i ought to tag orv at this point#maybe that epilogue (hsr) is what he needs. because we can tell that things are different for him#and that he's gradually talking about going home less and less#but all the tragedy of his self sacrifices happened bc even while crushed by grief none of his friends/family saw another way out#and he had to take responsibility again. but if this happens in hsr - with him going back to self sacrifice without question#do you think the astral express crew will let him? or are they gonna try to find another way? without letting him do it all on his own?#um. this is very long#hsr meta#i guess
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hi i made a tier list of how homophobic rezero characters are
hello in the spirit of valentine's day and the very welcoming community here on rezero tumblr i decided to make this with the help of my lovely mutuals.
#anyway heres some fun little explanations if youd like to read:#otto has. so much internalized shit going on i dont even know where to begin. not as severe as like subaru fr and def not in the same way a#whatevers happening with ferris but like by the time u get to arc 8 hes a total shitshow LJSLDKF#like ottos. transphobic. canonically. with natsumi schwartz. and then hes def got More going on bc his attachment style is soo....#wilhelm and heinkel i think would def be homophobic outside of reinhard/reinhard related things but its funnier to describe it like that ok#and either way the main target of their homophobia is gonna be reinhard LMAO#oni elders suck ok. theyd all be homophobic#rams got a strong case of comphet rn but when she doesnt have comphet shes chillin with subarus gf and having wlw mlm hostility with subaru#and otto. the entire judges your taste tier is all insane teen girls or frufoo and patrasche (who DEFINITELY judge otto and subarus taste)#frufoo patrasche are like that one reddit post about that one guys dog being homophobic after seeing their owner get topped in gay sex#also als in that tier bc al.#alcor is technically subaru but he gets to be a tier lower than subaru bc. hes also not technically subaru its very complicated but#at least he doesnt have the entire boy drama subaru has LSJDF#reids iconic line is the ones where he calls julisuba boyfriends u know. its extremely iconic.#a dear mutual of mine has informed me tivey is in lol ok while his triplet siblings wouldnt know what being gay is which LKJDSLFSD thats#fucking funny i had to do it#id argue satella is in lol ok bc she lets subaru do almost anything ok. this includes being terribly into men. she knows shes got his heart#either way. and also elsa dont care unless it affects how ur guts taste#rems reaction is gonna be lol ok unless its subaru coming out to her. then shes gonna have some Mixed Feelings#rezero#re:zero#i forgot to add but u could def argue garf knows what being gay is bc his two older brothers are just Like That#but also neither of his brothers would be caught dead explaining what being gay is to him
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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Re:Kinder Fun Facts of the day☺️!!! Have you ever wondered who talks the most from the main cast in Re:Kinder?? Well, I did😊. Today I'll be answering this question with some graphs and as a bonus telling you what words each character uses the most! I will warn you, this will be a bit long and I don't know how to be less verbose so, yeah!!!
First, I've made some basic rules as to what I counted regarding how much the characters speak. Not all lines really count as speaking, after all.
Any of the incoherent screaming lines don't count. There's a lot of screaming since the characters die a lot (as expected for a horror RPG game), but I don't really count that as speaking unless they're saying proper words. In that same vein, I didn't really count any of the panting or sniffing and such that are conveyed through words. Again, I don't really see that as a character actively speaking their thoughts!
If I cannot tell who a line belongs to, I will not give it to anyone. This happens for certain lines, so I felt this rule was important.
I won't be counting repetitions of the same line if it's on a variation of the same scene. This may sound a bit strange, but when a character dies, the game goes on to the same next scene it would regardless (unless the scene that follows it is an ending), with variations and new lines here and there to account for the dead character, but a lot will be reused and placed in the exact same beats it normally would have been in originally. So, this rule is here for that. Oh, and also the scenes with bits of Yuuichi's backstory that appear in Shunsuke's head won't be counted twice, because some appear twice line by line.
Of course, the "..." lines won't count. I am so sorry Aya!!!!😞
Now that the ground rules have been set, there's just one thing I want to mention. Though I will count all the total lines for Takumi and Yuuichi like any other character, I just want to mention that first I will have two separate counts for them! Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart respectively.
Takumiel is separate because I was curious about how much Takumi spoke as an archangel compared to when he was alive. Yuuichi's Heart is because he speaks so much he feels notable enough to be given his own division, even if he and Yuuichi at the end of the day are one person
(I count the silly mind telepathy where Shunsuke is being directly spoken to [and being told things normal Yuu would avoid saying at that point] and the comical theater as Yuuichi's Heart. I clarify in case one assumes he only starts being counted the moment he's directly labelled as Yuuichi's Heart. Any line that can't be distinguished between Yuuichi's Heart and Yuuichi will be given to Yuuichi by default.)
With nothing else to be clarified let's get to the numbers!!!😊😊
First, the line counts with Takumiel and Yuuichi's Heart counted individually!! Here are the rankings:
Shunsuke (With a lead of 535 lines over second place!!)
Yuuichi
Rei
Yuuichi's Heart
Hiroto
Ryou
Sayaka
Aya
Takumi
Takumiel
You may be thinking— woah, does Shunsuke really speak that much?! You could say that, for a good chunk of those lines are from how he describes interactable points around the map and his inner thoughts, so they aren't all exactly said out loud. The benefit of being the protagonist, I suppose ww
Funny enough, Yuuichi's Heart has almost as many lines as Yuuichi does for not having that much time in the game, being on the higher end between the characters that don't get the benefit of being a protagonist (lol)!
Admittedly I had expected for Rei and Hiroto to have a more similar amount of lines given their nearly equal amount of presence, but for what it is Rei surpassed Hiroto by 51 lines! I also had expected for Takumiel to speak a little bit more than Takumi but turns out the opposite is true.
While the lack of lines of Takumi and Takumiel are to be expected due to their short time on the game, what stands out is Aya not even reaching triple digits between her other peers who are in there for most of the game. This is because a good chunk of Aya's lines in game are silence!^^" And thus weren't counted. If ellipses were a word, she surely would have reached triple digits, but unfortunately they're not.
Now the line count with combined sums of Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart!!!
In here, the ranking isn't affected, with Yuuichi remaining second place and Takumi being last place. But the disparity of everyone's numbers compared to Takumi's feels a bit more clear to see when Takumiel isn't individually counted.
With Yuuichi's line counts combined, Shunsuke remains 318 lines ahead of him, but it also means Yuuichi has a 59% the amount of Shunsuke's lines; and impressive feat for someone who doesn't get the benefit of being the point of view for everything you press... Although he does also have an upper hand over everyone by essentially being the plot of this game ww
But maybe line counts do not suffice to tell how much a character speaks. Yes, Shunsuke has a bunch of lines from everything he interacts with, but is it really reliable to say he speaks all that much in all those lines? A good chunk of those could easily have 3 words each! So with this in mind, let's do a word count.
Even in a word count, Shunsuke has the lead, having a lead of 2,247 words over second place. But we'll see about that when we combine Yuuichi's numbers. Anyway, here's the ranking!
Shunsuke
Yuuichi's Heart
Yuuichi
Rei
Hiroto
Ryou
Sayaka
Aya
Takumi
Takumiel
This time, Yuuichi's Heart is the one at second place!!! It's pretty funny that he speaks more than his physical counterpart ww. I genuinely didnt think he'd out yap himself that way when I chose to count for him individually 😭!!! He has a lead of 63 words over himself, but a lead nonetheless.
In here, Rei and Hiroto are more even than in the line counts, with the difference seeming more minimal when put into words. But it also showcases that despite Rei having more lines than Yuuichi's Heart in the line count, those only get to have a bit over half of the amount of words he talks (To be fair he does get to infodump a lot in his section of the game).
And here's the combined word count!!! Suddenly Shunsuke's lead is only by a mere 55 words! So Yuuichi speaks about as much as he does with 318 less lines.
I must admit that I genuinely did not expect it to be that close. When I chose to count the lines for when you interact with things for Shunsuke, I thought he was granted to speak an absurd amount more than anyone else. But turns out that Yuuichi speaks about the same amount out loud when most of Shunsuke's are his own thoughts ww. But it does make sense! He is still the plot of this game.
So, after all those charts, here's the average/middle point of lines and words for characters to have, because why not, it's fun.
Average Line Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 197 lines
Average Line Count (When combined): 247 lines
Average Word Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 1,333 words
Average Word Count (When combined): 1,666 words
So there it is. That's how much the characters in Re:Kinder speak!
But wait!!! I am not done. I will share with you an additional fun fact... Did you ever want to know what word each of these characters said the most?! This one will be quicker, I do promise.
When it came to counting these words I did not count stop words, that being common words that are used all the time by everyone in English. "I, you, me, the, to, a, my, your, yes, no"... Words like that! Otherwise everyone would have one of those as their most said word and it'd be rather boring to look at. With that said, here are the words these characters say the most!
Shunsuke: Yuuichi - said 40 times! (this genuinely confused me so much im sorry he uses interjections so much I had expected it to be something like "huh" or "um" but no i dont know how this passed by me as i was rounding up all the lines he says or proofreading or writing all of those lines WHAT?!?! its been two days and it still takes me out)
Ryou: Shunsuke - Said 14 times
Sayaka: Murderer - Said 7 times (All in one sentence!)
Takumi | Takumiel (counted in one for how little he speaks.): Takumiel - Said 3 times (That name is so important, he said it thrice.)
Aya: Sorry - Said 5 times
Rei: Hell, gonna, look, Yuuchi - said 8 times (Most of the repeated words she says are stop words for she doesn't tend to speak about the same things repeatedly.)
Hiroto: Shunsuke - Said 17 times
Yuuichi (separate from YH): Problem - Said 17 times
Yuuichi's Heart: Mama - Said 24 times
Yuuichi (Overall): Mama - Said 31 times
So that is finally it. That is the fun fact of today.😊😊 Use this to woe your friends at parties!!!
I am aware Mami speaks about enough to be counted in, but this is pretty time consuming to do and I'm not sure anyone is invested on her enough to count her in. But if there's enough curiosity regarding that, I'll try counting her in. But for now this suffices.☺️ Thanks for reading!
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#fun fact!!!#i talk!!!#ive been at this for... two days how yall doing😊#ive thought of doing this since when i started by transcript of rekinder but i wasnt ready to do that after finishing that beast of a scrip#so here it is later than i anticipated! it is more time-consuming than i thought considering i have the benefit of the transcript#so when i was getting to doing mami i was already tired ww 😭 love her but this is just a silly bonus thing i throw out#so im not as ready to spend more than the several hours i already spent than with other funny silly proyects#i have more things i want to work on more😊!!! and also the semester is ending soon ww#ANYWAYYY#THIS WAS FUN THOUGH!!!#originally i wasnt going to count the things you can interact with for shunsuke but they are so obviously said by him i just had to#I WAS GOING TO IGNORE IT BUT THEN MY CONSCIOUSNESS TOLD ME... NO.... YOURE ROBBING HIM OF PERFECTLY FINE LINES!!!! 💔💔#so now his numbers are absurdly high#i still cant believe he said yuuichi more than huh i cannot believe that . like. he says huh 5 times less BUT STILL#i really wrote a whole transcript proofread it for 30+ hours then went back to do a line count for several more hours#and didnt notice the protagonist of this game said the name of my favorite character a million times#I NOTICED A “HUH” MORE THAN A NAME COME ONBRUEJWJFNNW#i dont really make any comments regarding ryou or sayaka in here as much because their numbers are exactly as i had expected#about the same amount not too much... its nothing groundbreaking to make a comment out just saying#if anyone is curious yuu says vamos cantar only 6 times#no one's most said word is particularly surprising to me after shunsuke but i did have a stroke seeing problem pop up for yuu#the document i was writing all of this info in before doing this post was very tidy and organized very well articulated until thay happened#i was perfectly expecting him to mention one of his parents the most overall but when separated from Yuuichi’s heart i did not knwo what#so when problem popped up my gut reaction was thinking that i wasnt making it to the end of the document no one speak to me i felt#IT . IT MAKES SENSE but it isnt fun💔#i wasnt even going to count yuuichis heart most said word until he out yapped himself admittedly#I SEPARATED HIM FROM USUAL YUU FOR THE LOLS I DIDNT THINK HE'D SPEAK THAT MUCH
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Repostober Day 29 | 29 Years
Detective Conan began its serialization in Shonen Sunday 29 years ago, and it's still going strong!
I think this is the first Cone I ever drew, in December 2012. At the time, I had no idea that several years in the future, this series would become so dear to me—and would introduce me to so many wonderful people!
#repostober#goop draws#detective conan#i had been getting a lot of anon hate and then there was the pandemic and so i kinda took a break from tumblr for about a year#i came back in 2021 with detco posts and was met with *so* much encouragement and support#all the time i wonder what i did to deserve folks being so kind to me 🥺#thank you detco fandom <333#also i could not have imagined my current detco collection in 2012 lol!#just got my sixth detektiv conan blu-ray box today and that means i now own several eps *three* times ^^;#(part 7 of the japanese vhs tapes and... well i have part 5-5 to part 24-10 of the japanese dvds...)#(so normal about detco ^^; was planning on going to nyc for the eng dub premiere of m24 but looks like it might not happen. again...)#(but hey at least i'll be in nyc!)
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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Anybody know how to get rid of a curse 😭
#throwback to when i was a kid and my mother the monster that she is wished upon me to never be happy just as she isn't#and that i should never be granted love or happiness. just like her.#this happened repeatedly#my heart gets broken over and over while ppl around me find love and get to keep it and be happy#i feel so fucking broken. like im literally not a person. idk what im doing wrong#i love my friends' love. im genuinely happy to see them thrive#ive been alone and yearning for a quarter of a century#i cant take it anymore#of course i had to fall in love with someone who wont be with me#thats the easiest way to make sure im fucked up and alone for as long as possible#and it's happened several times#they may love me but they cant be w me#I'm literally so fucking sad#the one person who was gonna make it work. i made them hate me bc of some huge misunderstanding abt the nature of our relationship#i miss them the most in the whole world. i think about them constantly. biggest regret of my life#the grief of it all is eating me alive. i keep getting close to being happy n in love and. dare i say it. loved#and then its all getting ripped away from me. again and again#every day it hurts and it makes me paralysed and i cant do shit or be who i want. i wish i could b sedated forever#goodnight lol
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The more we hear about bt bones, the less I’m convinced they’re going to bring up Tommy’s past. They literally could not put him in an emergency that his character was perfectly set up for, in what world would they turn around & give him his own storyline?
If they do go into his bigoted past, I don’t think they’re going to be able to just leave it as is, they’re going to have to resolve it in some way, which means Buck’s going to pull Hen & Chim in along with Tommy, and I really don’t see them giving Tommy an arc that has him interacting with other mains outside of Buck & his storyline (which always seems to involve Eddie. Which could mean nothing.)
I truly do feel that whatever “uncomfortable truths” is going to be about Buck, & I’m PRAYING that it’s him finally acknowledging the shit he’s been through & the way it’s made him into the man he is today & what he ACTUALLY wants.
Someone in the Discord said it best, uncomfortable truths aren’t always something bad. It could be about how big a part of Eddie & Chris’ life he is. It could be that Tommy doesn’t really fit in with the 118, & that could be a dealbreaker. It could be any number of things but I’m CONVINCED that whatever it is, it’s going to be about Buck.
Buck’s the main character, it’s HIS story we’re telling. Tommy’s already had his time in the Begins episodes, and they “wrapped that up” (even if it was an ending worthy of an antagonist side character & not a love interest, but they never planned on bringing him back in that capacity, so it is what it is, unfortunately).
I really do think the “mask” in Masks & the uncomfortable truths they're facing is something about Buck, a mask he’s wearing. As much as I’d love for them to acknowledge how shitty Tommy was in the beginning, I’m not convinced that’s going to be The Thing that breaks them up, & honestly?
I’m okay with that. Obviously, racism & sexism & bigotry in general should be called out, not swept under the rug for the story, but Gerrard isn’t even an out & out racist anymore, he’s just an asshole, and given how they've had Tommy attribute everything to the way that the 118 was "an oppressive place" under Gerrard's leadership, I don't think they're going to bring that back up now.
If they start leaning more into that part of Gerrard now that’s he’s taken Buck under his wing, I could see them reckoning with Tommy’s past actions, but with the storyline they have right now, I think it’s going to be about Buck, & his issues & his “baggage” (which I’m hoping to GOD is Eddie & Chris, but that might be the Buddie girl in me 😭) & what HE wants in life.
If Buck’s going to get off the hamster wheel, he’s going to have to make the choice to do it all by himself, & I hope that’s what Masks is about 🙏
#911 abc#evan buckley#buddie#anti tommy kinard#I’m not anti- Tommy getting called out on his shit btw. I feel like I need to make that clear lol#if they decide to have Gerrard hint at Tommy’s past & then send Buck to Hen & Chim and they tell him everything & he breaks up with Tommy?#I am ALL FOR that shit tbc. I will happily eat my hat of this post. anyway that bt bones happens is perfect for me#I’m just pro- them giving Buck a good & satisfying storyline & pro- getting him off the mf hamster wheel FOR GOOD#& I think there are better ways to do that than elevate a plot device more than he absolutely needs to be#I’m hoping that something happens with Chris (not something bad!!) & Eddie calls Buck over like he did several times last season!#& the “uncomfortable truth” is that Buck will pick Eddie & Chris over anyone & everyone.#the uncomfortable truth is that he already has a family & a partner & it’s not his boyfriend#the uncomfortable truth is that Buck lost his mind bc Eddie made a new friend —#& unintentionally hurt his best friend bc Buck wants Eddie’s attention all the time#this is set up so perfectly to parallel 7x04 & I think that’s intentional. I think Buck’s going to learn what we already knew#damn this is a long post lol my bad#911 speculation#season 8 speculation
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trying to look for a ttrpg group in spaces where I can't just go 'listen I want to play this shit in the tumblr fandom kind of model (gay subtext extremely welcome bordering on essential, mutual unhinged character psychoanalysis, we could create a novel of a backstory together to make this sadder, let's all play with our OC dolls together and also sometimes dice are rolled I guess)' and be readily understood and/or not be immediately side-eyed or denigrated for my inherent unavoidable tumblerinaness feels like such an annoying debuff to deal with on the quest. like I know my people exist out there but how do I express myself in the right way and wade through all the copious not-it (not for me) dynamics to find them!!!
#I feel like a weird kid in the playground trying to find someone who plays the same way as me all over again fhdksjfa#(and if/when I find them -- how the fuck to approach them)#turns out there are so many ways to play rpgs that do not appeal to me in the slightest#there are so many dimensions -- creative interpersonal gameplay-wise -- where you can severely not match with someone lmao#with half of the people I've come across it seems like it would be a struggle just to agree there should be a session 0 :')#but I know I KNOW this could be exactly my kind of fun with the right people it's a little maddening#(my group of friends when I was 12-13 was like... we were trying SO hard to play an rpg without having an rpg to play#some from first principles but with no guidelines to help us stuff#and it was one of my rare 'oh fuck. oh fuck yeah this could be it!!' social moments at that time lol. clearly something instinctive there)#I have been lurking around in a discord server on a more national/local level but I'm not gonna lie... a lot of The Good Old Boys shit#dominating the conversation there. I really don't think they mean to take all the oxygen out of the room for everyone else but uh#it's kind of just what happens. I have seen seen hour-long debates over definitions so esoteric and navel-gazing it would haunt your dreams#trying to wade through that to find the people who might vibe more with me seems... so exhausting and I don't know howww!!#the high masking autistic blues plays again
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I am once again having a sexuality crisis (read: wondering if I’m a lesbian or just have been stuck in my hometown for too long yet again and therefore haven’t seen a man who doesn’t look vaguely like a fish in years)
#here’s the problem as i understand it#i have had romantic feelings for several men and i also find quite a lot of men attractive#i don’t know if it’s just because i feel more comfortable feeling and displaying attraction to men because it’s what society expects#or if this is something that is actually genuinely coming from me#and at this point i overthink it so much i would really never know if it’s organic or not#what i DO know is i am not sexually attracted to men at all. when i’ve hooked up with men they do nothing for me#i can conjure up the perfect man in my mind; fantasise about him and nothing happens#this does not happen to me with women#i feel like i’ve been romantically attracted to way less women than men but also physically and sexually attracted to women a lot more ofte#and again — i don’t know if this is society & my own psychology messing with my sense of attraction#because obviously female nudity and sexualisation is all over the place all of the time#when i was younger i actually just thought women were objectively more attractive than men and that everyone thought that lol#i thought my friends were exaggerating when they said they wanted to kiss or have sex with men#i still to some degree think that. like it’s hard for me to imagine being enthusiastic about sex with a man#but can i imagine being in love with one? ehhhhhh… probably#see but what is the POINT if i’d never want to have sex with him? i know asexuals exist but i’m not one#i’d be setting myself up for an unsatisfying sex life#so it seems to make more sense to me to take the overall concept of dating men off the table since it’s not productive and can’t satisfy me#but then what if i fall in love with one anyway. what then. that’d be just my luck#no label ever seems to fit what i have going on with me and i don’t know if that’s because the main thing that’s going on is my head isn’t#screwed on right and i overthink and pathologise every experience i have#can’t even have a crush without wondering if i’m just doing it to get some excitement in my life#i’m not even sure any of it exists. maybe i should just declare myself aroace to give everyone else some peace#personal
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☺️: replaced my ipad screen protector (and -- shock and awe -- for the very first time ever i see no bubbles?? and the only piece of dust is on the outer edge away from the active part of the screen?? despite my messing shit up Royally on application??? wild.), so i can draw my beloved again!! and maybe properly explore a pk.mn au!!!
😔: i am Quite Sick this week. lol. lmao. and i've been kind of all-around burnt out socially for a few weeks. i'd like to finally continue playing the otome game i'd been waiting for since like 2020 but havent touched since i got it in Fucking September Holy Shit. I Want To Kiss One Of My Longest Running F/Os. Please. ...so i might actually be around a little less for a while. 👋🏻
#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#i keep feeling like i have to be on here All The Time to maintain social progress ive made instead of trying to find a balance of being#social and like. Reading VNs. or Playing Games. i've had the same 2 vns on the backburner for over half a year. plus my enormous backlog.#i love being on here but also i'm still grappling w several years of social isolation. i can't keep this up ;;;#also ngl the thing that happened yesterday w some random fuck who clearly didn't read my pinned being vaguely flirty at ren#has thrown me off so uh. i want to let that settle in my mind :/#(plus i get the vibe that A Lot Of Us are experiencing burnout for different reasons lol so maybe this is the right time to step back ;;)#vent -#jic.
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guess who's finally 50 kilograms babey!!!!!
#severely underweight baby cilly would be so proud of me :))#man it truly wasnt as bad as i thought i didnt even get dizzy lmfao. i had to vacate the chair immediately after they were done and the#lady was like oh here hold my hand lets not have you fainting and i was just like. Struts Gayly#one of my friends said i shouldve done it tomorrow while dressed as an eldritch horror pile of eyes but honestly today was fine LMFAO#ifor context this is happening in comic con#needle was a bit bigger but that way it took less time and it didnt really hurt any more than a regular draw does tbh#to be fair i'm acclimated lol#all needles were bigass needles when i was 5 LMAO#cilly.txt#cilly's blood donation adventures
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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On a blur line
I remember that I made a promise to my best friend, almost two years ago. We agreed on the fact that I would not enter another relationship that would destroy my soul and make me very separated from her. I was so sad when it happened and she was so sad too. And everytime I am talking to a woman, she's in the back of mind. Sometimes, I don't even know anymore if I just love very much being her friend or if I am actually in love with her. Some friends of her told her some time ago I was in love with her and I remember once she said to me "I will not stop talking to you not distance myself from you if you ever have feelings for me". I always had very complicated friendship with women I admire, but in the good sense of it. I become so passionate about it all. It's not something I think about it too much, knowing if I have feelings for her or not. However, I do think that this blur line makes it hard to project with a woman (from experience, women tend to be very jealous about how close I am from my best friend who is also a lesbian), because I know my best friend is the perfect woman to me and the women with whom I talk can sense that she's very important to me.
#mine#Idk about it all because she had several situationships with women while being my best friend and I don't feel any particular jealousy#But also I see it that I am passionate about her lol but it wouldn't be the first time I always have been passionate with my female friends#But also women are jealous when they understand that she's such an important woman in my life and she's number 1#So.... Yeah... Idk 😂 and I don't really care about having an answer#Are the straight women following me this passionate about a female friendship?#What about other lesbians? And bi women?#Idk my sister who is straight seems very normal about her female friends#I see a woman I admire and I just give it all Iol it happened to me still happens to me and will happen to me again
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