#i’m not even sure any of it exists. maybe i should just declare myself aroace to give everyone else some peace | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fingertipsmp3 · 3 days ago

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I am once again having a sexuality crisis (read: wondering if I’m a lesbian or just have been stuck in my hometown for too long yet again and therefore haven’t seen a man who doesn’t look vaguely like a fish in years)

#here’s the problem as i understand it #i have had romantic feelings for several men and i also find quite a lot of men attractive #i don’t know if it’s just because i feel more comfortable feeling and displaying attraction to men because it’s what society expects #or if this is something that is actually genuinely coming from me #and at this point i overthink it so much i would really never know if it’s organic or not #what i DO know is i am not sexually attracted to men at all. when i’ve hooked up with men they do nothing for me #i can conjure up the perfect man in my mind; fantasise about him and nothing happens #this does not happen to me with women #i feel like i’ve been romantically attracted to way less women than men but also physically and sexually attracted to women a lot more ofte #and again — i don’t know if this is society & my own psychology messing with my sense of attraction #because obviously female nudity and sexualisation is all over the place all of the time #when i was younger i actually just thought women were objectively more attractive than men and that everyone thought that lol #i thought my friends were exaggerating when they said they wanted to kiss or have sex with men #i still to some degree think that. like it’s hard for me to imagine being enthusiastic about sex with a man #but can i imagine being in love with one? ehhhhhh… probably #see but what is the POINT if i’d never want to have sex with him? i know asexuals exist but i’m not one #i’d be setting myself up for an unsatisfying sex life #so it seems to make more sense to me to take the overall concept of dating men off the table since it’s not productive and can’t satisfy me #but then what if i fall in love with one anyway. what then. that’d be just my luck #no label ever seems to fit what i have going on with me and i don’t know if that’s because the main thing that’s going on is my head isn’t #screwed on right and i overthink and pathologise every experience i have #can’t even have a crush without wondering if i’m just doing it to get some excitement in my life #i’m not even sure any of it exists. maybe i should just declare myself aroace to give everyone else some peace #personal

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