#all i see is pain
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Rewatching the terror hurts. It just hurts. There were so many things first time viewer me missed and dear to God it hurts
#the terror#james fitzjames#francis crozier#the terror amc#thomas blanky#thomas jopson#sir john franklin#john irving#harry goodsir#mr collins#cornelius hickey#billy gibson#id tag the rest of the crew if i could#but alas#anyway my pain#pain#all i see is pain#everyone all smily#and happy#and all healthy looking#god the pain
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I feel like my parents just got a divorce
#neil you bastard#i cant deal with this rn#loving sweet and tender where???#all i see is pain#good omens#aziraphale#crowley
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The eftpos is down at work
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to lose you
#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sth#im insane im crazy i have to end it all i saw a singular dialogue in sonadow gens that made me go so fucking crazy dude im in tears#i dont subscribe to the sonic as reincarnated maria theory but how beautiful is it that shadow always had somebody in his life#that loves the earth more than anything else#somebody who wants him to see its beauty no matter what#that will never give up on him#he has never been without that#despite all his pain#sonic x shadow generations#sxs generations#shadow#sonic#sonic fanart#sonic art#sonic fandom#sonic series#shadow fanart#sonic the hedgehog fanart#art of crane
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I'm just thinking about Agatha telling Rio she didn't want to see her face again and now we know why. Nicky is Rio's literal twin and he's a perfect blend of them both. Rio really had to reap her own sons soul and afterwards she was rejected by her love. It wouldn't have mattered if Rio granted Agatha 6 years or 16. His death was always going to stand in between them. Let that sink in.
#agatha all along#agatha harkness#kathryn hahn#marvel cinematic universe#agatha all along spoilers#agathario#nicholas scratch#aubrey plaza#marvel#marvel mcu#i'm sad now#So I'm sharing my pain with you#they were doomed from the start#when i see you#marvel television#agatha x rio#marvel spoilers#marvel tv
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clowns in court
#i haven't played genshin in four months so lmk if this is accurate#bro i forgot how much pain it causes me to draw genshin outfits there’s so many stupid details#this is all from memory btw so idk if it's accurate i was just looking at past drawings to double check outfits💀#anyway it was so fun seeing chuuya COUGH i mean childe!! in fontaine!! my fav ginger <33#genshin#genshin impact#lumine genshin impact#lumine#childe genshin impact#childe#furina#focalors#fontaine#chilumi#lotus draws
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Ghouls night out
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Scopophobia#Don't be mean Lan Wangji - the dead girl aesthetic is a curated one. Support women's rights to look dead!#I have been waiting for this scene for ages...the ghost girl entourage is such a good look for WWX.#And by gods does the audio drama actually do something interesting with one of them.#Namely that we actually get to see WWX talk with them and learn about who they were and what they left behind.#I love necromancer characters but it's way too common for them to be like “Go! Ghost no.145!” like they're a pokemon#and not...you know...someone who had a whole life that they left behind.#I love me a necromancer who has an awareness to whose soul/body they are using. It adds a lot of flavour!#MDZS is a little hit or miss with this. I think the fans do a lot of the work with making Mo Xuanyu a bigger character.#Yi City has this in spades. Even though we don't individually get character backstories#We get many painful reminders about how these 'corpses' were people.#We also get a few lines about how WWX used whatever corpses he could get his hands on (including grandparents - Woof!)#MDZS often (but not always) likes to remind us that every sacrifice and every ghost was a person.#It is so close to nailing the landing regarding the deconstruction of the necromancer character.#Anyhow. You may have noticed the uptick in quality in the last two comics. Rule of three means next one is going to be a treat B*)#See you all very soon!
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Hey, don't cry. Ghost yuri, okay?
(Now that you know the girls, they need to meet the boys!)
#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#fem payneland#although technically as everyone is the opposite gender their last names should be different#OKAY you know the drill u get fanart and i get to ramble about it#Edith wears pants now#this pains me because i love drawing skirts but after she escaped hell#she met charlotte who made an offhand comment about how it's easier to move with pants#and edith who just spent 70 years running in hell went wait a tick#she feels safer that way is what i'm saying#interesting because as you can see she wore a skirt to confess and we know how THAT went but anyway#charlotte's mom was abusive of course#and she forced her to practice ballet despite charlotte being interested in a lot of other sports#she did fairly well at ballet but this means no cricket bat :(#i know we all love butch fem charles but as he's mostly gender conforming i decided to not do that#no reason for the bracelets but as i wanted to give her a choker i thought they would combine with the earrings#crystal is still crystal because his parents are weird artists who like stupid names#niko though... i don't know what to name him#dead girl detectives
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couldn't get it past your lips, could you? (aka the moment in the scene I knew pok was lying)
[ID: First image: a black and white digital drawing of pok gukgak sitting tied to a chair and bleeding from several wounds. we see him from the back. in front of him are two goblinoid but large demons saying, is there nothing you miss? do you regret dying? do you regret not seeing the life of your son? Second image: a sepia picture of a tiny riz sitting on pok's lap as seen from pok's perspective. pok is gently caressing riz's soft cheek with the back of his index finger. with his other hand, this one with a wedding ring on it, he's holding a big picture book that depicts a dog sherlock holmes. riz is grinning and excitedly pointing at the drawing with one hand while his other holds his dad's wrist to get his attention. outside the memory, pok is saying, i don't- i don't miss- and the words cut off. Third image: the drawing is again black and white. pok is back in the reality of being tied to a chair. he's staring forward with a blank expression, face battered, and saying, i don't know what to tell you. there are tears in the corners of his eyes. End ID]
#pok gukgak#riz gukgak#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#fantasy high#this has been living in my head for weeks and weeks#truly self indulgent as all should be#couldnt rly decide whether or not to make the first and third red but decided to leave it as is#i get a headache from red flashing back and forth#just imagine its there#fhsy spoilers#dan draws#that baby riz is immediately becoming my discord pfp see you all in angst and pain hell
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twelfth night main plot: haha bisexual love triangle that is gay in both directions! haha mistaken identity and gender fuckery haha
malvolio side plot:
#twelfth night#ws#i did not feel this strongly abt him before but now that ive listened to dt malvolio.#And esp how he plays him in 4.2#ajnd it's like guys. guys! i need to turn into a fish and swim to sea and never return#NUMBER ONE MALVOLIO APOLOGIST#I AM SORRY. SORRYYYYYYY#WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DO THAT TO HIM ALL HE DID WAS BE A LOSER AND A KILLJOY#AND MAYBE HE RUINED FABIAN'S RELATIONSHIP AND THREW THE CAPTAIN IN JAIL AT SOME POINT IDK#WHY DO THE RICH FUCKS GET SO MUCH PLEASURE PUTTING THIS MAN IN THE SAW TRAP CAN THEYYYYY BE PUT IN THE SAW TRAP#JUST TO SEE HOW IT FEELS#IS IT HIS FAULT HE LIKES IMAGINING THAT PEOPLE LIKE HIM IM SO HEARTBROKEN MAN#pain and suffering and darkness#ik there is some meta someone has written sometime someplace abt him being neurodivergent but im not going to go digging for it rn
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Baton Pass!
#metaphor refantazio#metaphor refantazio fanart#fidelio magnus#basilio magnus#the magnus brothers#they’re my faves from metaphor…#which I finished two days ago!!#I just know a 70 hour atlus rpg hates to see me coming#these two changed my life though#the brothers of all time possibly ?!?#god take all of their pain and give it to Louis Guiabern 🫶
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The reason Charles doesn't register his feelings about the Cat King as jealousy was because they were the same flavor profile as anger.
And when he feels angry, he surpresses it however he can.
It's why, when Edwin asks "why are you getting so angry" in response to Charles' remarks about the Cat King in Ep 4, he shuts his mouth and clenches his jaw.
Because he doesn't want to be angry at Edwin.
He doesn't want to be angry at all.
He doesn't want to be like his father.
#and he really really doesn't want Edwin to see him the way he saw his father#I think that would kill him all over again#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin paine#edwin payne#the cat king#cat king#payneland#paynland#paineland#painland
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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saw someone point out that annabeth would have multiple streaks of grey in her hair since she held the sky for significantly longer than percy. and now. i'm imagining our girl with grey highlights threaded through her natural hair.
#'i had a slumber party with all my foes'#'and I wear em like a badge of honor on my clothes'#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#annabeth chase#annabeth chase headcanon#and just imagine this girl trying her best to cover her hair#because everytime she looks in the mirror#all she sees is the pain she wants to forget
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i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality
#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#mclennon#idk if im explaining this well but it always gives me whiplash to read how 'beatles historians' elsewhere view them#bc it seems like for all that theyre able to make the simple connection between johns past and trauma to his behavior#as a protective mechanism to shield him from vulnerability#far fewer people make the equally reasonable connection between pauls past#with parents that never said i love you to each other or told their children about a serious illness#and an adult paul who doesnt examine his own feelings much less speak candidly about them#or stories like mike mccartney talking about being beaten by jim while paul yelled at him to just say that he 'didnt do it' so it would sto#and an adult paul who has clearly internalized the basic cause and effect of the things you say and the consequences that come from them#and how the truth is less relevant in those situations than the obvious path of least resistance that will spare you needless pain#idk i have a lot of thoughts and feelings on how people see paul mccartney#i want to shake some of these biographers and be like this mid-20s kid experiencing a level of scrutiny and pressure#the world had never seen before#was not puppeteering everything to meet his vision#he was trying to protect himself and his friends from the very real danger of public perception!!
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I think Mouthwashing is more interesting/tragic/compelling when you read Curly as a most good intentioned person who did care about his crew, AND DID SOMETHING HORRIFICALLY INEXCUSABLY AWFUL, than a monster like Jimmy who didn’t seem to have any redeemable features that he didn’t fabricate for himself to try to play the hero.
Because sometimes people who do awful things aren’t monsters. They’re just people. Maybe nice people! Maybe people who generally mean well! But that doesn’t make them immune to making horrible decisions, doesn’t make them immune to hurting others, and certainly doesn’t excuse their actions. Curly was told about the dead pixel and he couldn’t see it, just wanted to focus on the ‘big picture,’ smooth things over, descalate a conflict. Except all that meant enabling a rapist who intentionally crashed their fucking ship to try to cover up his crime.
And if you read Curly as someone who is generally decent, that makes his place in the story even more tragic. Because a decent person can make a horrible mistake, but now he can’t do anything to fix it. He’s stuck being cared for by the person he failed the worst, the person he promised to help and fucking didn’t, and he can’t even apologize to her now. He just has to watch the results of his inaction play out in front of him, just lay there in the guilt that he allowed this to happen. That’s the true punishment.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing spoilers#i see people say curly was as bad as jimmy#but isn’t it more painful if he’s not? if he’s decent enough to have guilt and regret for what he allowed to happen#because he didn’t want to rock the boat? because he wanted to look at the ‘big picture’?#guilt is a hell all it’s own
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