#all he got from dad was trauma
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This has been rotting on my procreate for months, i don't even remember what compelled me to make it in the first place - but then again, who needs a reason😏😏
#flaunting what his mama gave him#all he got from dad was trauma#mk1#takeda takahashi#mortal kombat#mortal kombat 1#my questionable creations
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Fantober day 31!! A free day again.
Recently gotten into HADES, and I think about them a normal amount (lie)
#THEM. THEM. *SHAKES HANDS IN AIR* THEEEEEEEMMM#Honestly it’s surprising I havent gotten into the fandom sooner I mean I have been a mythology nerd since??? Uhhh#idk. But every week I see a notif from OSP and jump around in my room because YEAAAHHHH HYSTORY MYTHOS AND TROPES YEAHHHHH#And greek mythology is where the interest began so why am I only NOW getting onto the Hades train only god knows. Maybe multiple. They got#a whole pantheon so idk maybe multiple ON THE OTHER HAND they didn’t know about their own relative OR who his mom is so maybe I give them#too much credit#jkjk jk Zeus dont smite me I listen to ‘’Thunder bringer’’ a lot plz#speaking of epic the musical thats what I wanted to draw originality because HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE LIVESTREAM YESTERDAY?#THE ANIMATICSSSS THE ANIMATICCCSSS THE 3D CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. ODYSSEUS CASUALLY GETTING A JETPACK 💀 okay go off king /gen#HE GOTTA BE DANGEROUS MY FRIENDS GOTTA USE ALL HIS TRICKS IN HIS DOMAIN FOR THIS OH YEAH YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH PLAYING- okay I’ll stop#but we need a Hermes saga Im just saying. I love he. He’s such a dawling#…Also not me healing the ivantill trauma with a different silverhair+blackhair duo huh.#They bring me comfort I love my silly goofy god of nothing/blood and his boyfriend THE GRIM REAPER#my art#thanzag#they make me insane but in a good way#oh to be a guy trying to escape his dads house and then die to a butterfly and hopefully see death himself because he’s cute#hades game#hades fanart#hades zagreus#hades thanatos
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People who hate Shiv or think she was wrong for what she did in the finale are so unserious to me. "How could she screw over Kendall and stop them from keeping the company???" oh you mean the guy who promised they'd run it together and then immediately double crossed her? And then spent the rest of the season trying to cut Roman out of the company too?? How could she betray that guy??? real mystery.
#like are y'all just pretending that didn't happen? he was literally trying to cut them out the SECOND he thought he had a shot at the top#spot. why should she stay loyal to the plan if he literally never has??? be serious now#and yes she stabbed him in the back too but he started it and honestly what did you expect from these people? they've spent their entire#lives being trained to drag each other down for the top spot. that's not changing because they got along for 3 months and their dad died#also like 'we could have had a happy ending if she hadn't done that!!1!' first of all them keeping the company would NOT have been a happy#ending at all. and second of all. i'm sorry. were you expecting a straightforward 'we win' ride off into the sunset???#from the 'the poison drips through' family trauma show????? be so fucking forreal. them getting out is the happiest possible#ending this show could have that wouldn't immediately ring false and feel unsatisfying#and before anyone tries to start something i am not a kendall hater or a shiv stan i'm just being honest#succession#shiv roy#kendall roy#siobhan roy#succession finale#with open eyes#roman roy
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🗣️🗣️ pov dan and phil base their pizza selection in part 2 of their iconic mukbang video on their hatred for the detroit pizza company that almost ruined your life
#validating my trauma???#yessir#no but actually when i tell you i went into shock when they showed the picture#i recognized it immediately#of ALL the pizza places in the world tho#lmao rlly just dumping in the tags#that fucking company#was the reason i was forced to move halfway across the country during covid lockdown at the start of high school#from a big city to a small conservative snobby suburb#like completely isolated from everyone and everything i knew#stuck w my only resource being my shitty toxic ass family#that’s in nice terms lmao#bc my dad got a job w them#that he DIDNT EVEN KEEP#already wasn’t the most mentally stable#so when i say it spiraled into complete mental health crisis like#nearly hospitalized (or maybe i technically was briefly idk??) almost didn’t finish high school etc etc#has taken years to try to come back from it#still barely even there yet#i mean obvi there were several factors but one of the biggest instigators was the move#and the reason for it?#that fucking pizza company#and yeah can confirm it’s greasy as shit and kind of nasty#dnp#dan and phil#phan#dapg#dan and phil games#dnpgames#pizza
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Listen I understand why some people disagree bc I love them as characters but personally I don’t particularly want another full season with the Bad Kids. I will watch it if they do one, but I feel like not only have the characters reached the natural conclusions of their arcs, the Intrepid Heroes have all grown so much as players from when Fantasy High came out like 5 years ago that I think it would feel a bit disingenuous. Like Ally had never played D&D before Fantasy High, and Kristen was played accordingly. Ally even said in Starstruck “no more bumbling Kristen shit”
All that being said I wouldn’t mind a short season (up to 10 eps) for junior/senior year or for the IH to do live shows of the characters. I would love a cross over season between Fantasy High and the Seven or even PirOL, I think that could be fun.
#Riz found his babysitter made a bunch of friends became a liscensed PI and resolved stuff with his dad#Fabian learned to be his own personal outside of his fathers shadow disavowed toxic masculinity and embraced his elven heritage#Fig went from not knowing her bio dad and having a bad relationship with her mom and adoptive dad to having good relationships will all of#them and she became a famous rockstar and got a gf#Gorgug found his dad got a girlfriend and faced his fears about not being smart while becoming closer to his adoptive parents#he managed to learn about communication and friendship and himself#Adaine went from having a shitty relationship with her abusive parents and sister to killing her dad driving her mother to insanity to#die in a magic forest and befriended her sister. she got adopted by a better dad and got her mental illness diagnosed and treated#Kristen is the only one who I think has some growth left in terms of no longer being a jokester sex obsessed teen with unresolved parental#trauma. that being said Kristen did get deprogrammed from her church realize she’s a lesbian move out and found her own church and discover#a whole ass god#I love all those characters. I don’t think another season is what they need#cienna talks#fantasy high
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I think that Donna Troy and Garth/Tempest should have their kids restored to main continuity (maybe at the age they were last seen pre-52 bc I know they??? Died?????) both bc it'd be nice for those two to get closure/second chances at parenthood but ALSO
Because I think it'd be funny if Dick Grayson. "chronic over achiever used to being labeled the defacto Most Adult of all his teen associates" was in his late 20s surrounded by friends who are all (mostly) either married or separated with kids (some of whom are teenagers due to time shenanigans) meanwhile he's got like. A dog
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#dc#back to back Dick Grayson posts.. who have i become??#titans#i just think it'd be funny#CRUCIALLY i do not think this should play into dick being incompetent. he's occasionally a moderate goofball but he's got it together-#-on every front except his personal life#some of his close friends have been married and/or divorced? he JUST got out of the situationship phase w/ babs as of a year ago#WHICH ISN'T TO SAY YOU MUST HAVE KIDS AND A SPOUSE BY YOUR LATE TWENTIES OR ANYTHING#i just think it'd be a fun little look into the different stages ppl are at in their 20s/30s like#Roy is a single dad and has been since he was about 19/20 (iirc? correct me if wrong). wallys married w/ three kids. donnas been divorced#i just think you'd get an interesting story out of it. maybe#plus i do think that married w/ kids is something that dick wants for himself eventually. family is very important to him#but also I'm picturing him being surrounded by his friends w/ babies all the time and being struck with baby fever#babs is NOT on board she is nowhere near ready for parenting if she'll ever even be. take that energy 10000 miles away from her#dick breaking down in the grocery store bc baby socks are too cute and small and babs pretending she doesn't know him#dick: i want a baby#babs: well I don't want to get pregnant#dick (forgetting you can adopt kids in a non trauma bond way): <:'(
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Photos I took of my pets as a child in the 90s
#it’s so hard to look at these photos#I’m hoping maybe putting them here will help me face the pain and trauma associated with them#I think it’s especially painful because they were all such sweethearts#actual angels who were so gentle and patient with baby me#if i could go back in time and save all of them I fucking would 😭#max the malamute 🖤#best boy in the world he was such a good dog#my cousins family gave me him as a puppy#the torties were named Romeo and Juliet (even tho they were both boys 🤣)#(yeah boy torties are from the same litter! idk what happened! 🤣)#Garfield was the orange cat (and mama to the torties)#best girl in the world so sweet. she was almost completely deaf and blind#German shepherd was buddy#sweet playful boy 🖤#I didn’t get to know him very well because he (all my pets did) lived with my dad and at that point I stopped going to his house a lot#bear was the rottie#sweet boy he died really tragically my dad loved animals but was fucking stupid sometimes#and the black puppy… also died really tragically. never even lived long enough to get a name.#some of these might be pushing into 00-4 maybe#the ones of buddy are probably from then because I’m pretty sure we got him while I was in middle school#I drafted this post a few months ago and honestly doing this + writing about them really did help me process my feelings towards them#so now I’m ready to share :)#I just love the idea of seeing the world through a child’s eyes#this is what little me thought was important! lol
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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tw abuse in the tags
#my dad decided that he was going to share his posts on threads where he trauma dumped shit with me and my sister#and it pisses me off so much that he can talk about all the trauma he’s gone through#and all the shitty things he’s gone through#and literally anything and everything that’s happened to him#but won’t acknowledge that he abused me my mom and my sister growing up#i got the worst of it all bc ofc i fucking did my sister was his favorite and i knew from a young age that she was#still is tbh#i’ve only been back in contact with my dad for a little over 5 years and since then there have been 3 separate occasions#where he’s acknowledged what he’s done to me and how it’s affected our relationship#the last one being last year where he actually apologized#but the first was in 2019 when we first started talking again and then again in 2021#and then last year in 2023#and i can’t talk about the shit he put me through bc he shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about it#and it pisses me tf off that he can do literally anything else to better himself#but the minute i want to even throw a passing fancy towards our past he freezes#and i feel like i have to change the subject bc lol dad’s uncomfortable!#i’ll admit i don’t talk about the shit he put me through willingly to anyone not even my therapist#but how the fuck are you going to sit there and trauma dump to the person YOU traumatized? and won’t talk about the trauma with?#fuck all the way off that’s fucking bullshit and we all know it
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very few 'parenting' things frustrate me more than parents who give their screaming kids an ipad, but I think "emotionally neglectful for 20 years and then wondering why their kid isn't thriving/adjusting to adulthood well, so they try to make up for it by being an overbearing helicopter parent" might take the cake.
#at least be consistent in your parenting style#ughhh#'oh no i neglected my kid for 20 years/was unstable (and still am!) and now they aren't thriving. surely it is the vieo gamez and not me'#i s2g if i break up with my partner their mother will be one of the reasons#the sucky thing is generational trauma hopefully gets distilled through each subsequent generation but it is the parents' job#to choose whether they are 1) financially ready and 2) emotionally ready to make that change and give their kids a better life#my grandpa grew up digging through trash for things to eat and decided when he had kids he would not be mean like his dad#and that they would have food on the table#my partner has literally said his mom 'just wanted a kid' and basically baby-trapped his dad#and she was like... in her mid-30s by this point#insane. insane. insane.#i understand baby fever and all that but at least make sure you are in a stable relationship first??#and also my partner's WHOLE FAMILY is like this#just... generation after generation of awful upbringings and kids rebelling and having kids too young and getting in bad relationships and#dealing with undiagnosed mental health disorders#maybe we should just break up at this point idk#delete later#i think i am freaking out because i got news about a possible health scare about one of my own family members so i'm spiraling#thanks for letting me vent. again#if my crap is too annoying PLEASE unfollow me#i don't keep a diary because i'm too immature to do that and thrive on others' validation and i am too broke for therapy#delete later maybe#i might keep this one up just so i can look back on it in a few weeks and be like 'girl u need meds' like hells yeah i do#a good thing that happened today is i avoided my urge to drink the half bottle of wine in the fridge#irish genes be gone from me today muahahaha
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I should fucking kill myself
#I have this anger and dislike towards my little brother that’s totally unwarranted like he’s 10 it’s just my issues#n whenever I feel his hatred towards him I want to gut myself like#it’s not his fault that my moms a better mom for him n that he’s not scared of her#It’s not his fault that my dads sober and present for him#it’s not his fault that my older brother is a good brother to him n has never hurt him#it’s not his fault he’s not scared of telling someone he’s hurt or of getting food#it’s not his fault he parrots all of my parents insane conservative views#but I still hold so much anger and resentment#When I look at him I see him getting all the things I never got and being free of the traumas I went through#and I know it’s good and I’m happy he’s grown up in a safer environment but I’m so angry that I didn’t have those parents#and I know he’s also missing so many things I got#But it fucking hurts seeing how loved and safe he is and wishing I had been that innocent at that age#like when he’s fighting with my mom it’s over school work n video games n then he thinks he can talk shit ???#when I was fighting with my mom it was bc she came home from work in a rage#when I was mad at my dad it was because he got drunk n came home n yelled at my mom until she was crying in a corner then left#When I was screaming at my older brother it’s because I was tired of him hurting me not because he called me a name#I’m a horrible sister to him and I hate it because when he was a baby I was so fiercely protective of him and so happy to be his sister#I watched his shows with him and kept him entertained when my parents got bad n I promised myself I’d take care of him the way I never was#but I failed n now I can barely stand being around him#like I’m such a good sister to my sister but that’s it#n it makes me feel worse about my relationship w my brother bc I know I can be better but I’m just a horrible jealous bitch who should die#screaming
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listening to my dad go through the whole “reevaluating his entire life’s worth of memories” stage of a late autism realization is very bittersweet
#like… what do you MEAN my dad isn’t inherently evil??#what do you MEAN all this trauma didn’t HAVE to get passed to me if only we understood this better in his time??#like dgmw. there are still choices he specifically made that he didn’t necessarily have to make#jumping to harmful conclusions mostly#but i also think he wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t so dysregulated all the time#plus he owned up to it?? and apologized??#yesterday he said he was at a party and got a stressful phone call and got overstimulated#(he used the word ‘’overstimulated’’ of his own accord! i didn’t teach him that!!)#and he just said he’d call back at a different time?? and took a break from the party#instead of getting mad?? which is exactly what i would’ve done. and behavior i’ve been modeling for him#wtf. none of this family trauma had to happen#text
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i'm. i can't do proper metas until i actually have the time to do them. but i will eventually dig further into charlie and bonnie's relationship and mac and his mom's. its stewing.
#ada speaks#i need more than a couple hour set aside for it and i want to do some research so that i can properly examine what's going on#i'm very familiar with den's brand of parental trauma because i lived it but charlie and mac's arent entirely my wheelhouse#but fuck if i don't know exactly how that shit feels#mac's mom being like. authoritarian and completely uninterested in giving mac love or affection#expecting him to shut up as soon as she quietly raises her finger and then burning him when he doesn't obey#mac's been scared and threatened into being well behaved#charlie on the other hand had no supervision and was left to grow up alone#while also coming to terms with the fact that despite what bonnie says. her love for him is obsessive and smothering and extremely unhealth#charlie is aware of this and takes steps to separate from her but he still feels that responsibility#while mac tries his fucking hardest to get his mom to love him back#charlie wishes his mom loved him less#she's definitely got several mental illnesses and i don't think its her fault but she did NOT raise charlie adequately (or really at all)#but this is why charlie was so angry at his dad for not being there for him. both parents neglected him.#all he got was a pen pal when what he needed was a father to be there for him when his mother wasn't
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Have to go see my father again this morning I really really really don’t want to
#but I can’t cancel cuz I actually have to return his birth certificate#cuz my younger sister needed it to apply for her uk passport cuz she wasn’t born there like me and my older sister#but she has even less contact with him than i do#well none actually and even though I am extremely low contact with him I am an anxiety and guilt ridden people pleaser f#rant incoming sorry#also she’s being so rude to me about it even though I did it for her??? i didn’t go for coffee with him so we could have a relationship#I went so she could move to Scotland like she’s been planning for years#and I don’t even talk to her about it because it’s not something im like holding over her head??#I fully volunteered to do it to be a nice sibling#I didn’t even tell her about how it went cuz I knew she didn’t want to hear about it#the only updates I gave were im going to get it and I got it and now giving it back#so why is she attacking me and asking why I want a relationship with him????#I never said that and I fucking don’t??????#i did years and years and years of therapy to not get physical reactions to him sending me a random text#so yeah im able to receive a text from him without it triggering a panic attack#but only because I’ve been through extensive trauma therapy like emdr and art#not art as is like drawing art but as in accelerated resolution therapy#anyways hes an asshole that I know will never be the dad I wanted#and im glad i did it cuz im excited for my sister to move to Scotland cuz i want a reason to visit all the time
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i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.
and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.
#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :)#i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger.#it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!!#he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know.#i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well.#what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter.#im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance.#sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was#but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was.#i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down.#and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours.#csa vent#trauma vent#actuallyabused#actuallytraumatized#tw trafficking#forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult.#im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.
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I love The Forgotten Son, because Brigadier (tho he’s still a colonel when this is set) goes back to his home village, and realises he remembers basically none of his childhood, and the other soldier he’s with asks “did you have a traumatic childhood?” And Brig’s like “nope. Definitely not a traumatic childhood. I remember basically nothing but it must be because of something else”
Then the rest of the book proceeds to show that Brig did indeed have a traumatic childhood that slowly comes back to him
(Ofc, it’s the dr who universe, so the memory loss is alien stuff, but still)
#classic doctor who#brigadier lethbridge stewart#“I didn’t have a traumatic childhood#*vaguely remembers his village and knows he should have memories of places but just doesnt*#*finds a carving of his father’s initials and someone else’s’ and proceeds to have a nightmare unlocking past memories*#*proceeds to have a few memories resurface*#*his old friend also telling him other memories that he doesn’t remember but should*#*finds out he witnessed his brother die* (Also doesn’t remember having a brother - alien stuff)#(Also his dad died during the war - also also his mum became very religious and I daresay a bit distanced from Alistair because she got#trauma but it was the 40s so she got no help)#(also Alistair saw a ‘ghost’ as a kid and so did his brother James and Alistair slowly kinda lost his brother#(brother getting an ‘imaginary friend’ and becoming closed off etc))#essentially finding out parts of his childhood made me go ‘omg if the great intelligence hadn’t fucked with your memory you totally would’v#repressed most of this because yeesh’#but he’s the brigadier so he handles this all remarkably well#I say - pretending he didn’t basically kill a person out of anger for messing with his mum
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