#all 'yeah this is completely Normal and Reasonable'
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I'm also gonna add to this but for the actual DSMP members because I want to ramble about this for a bit
Here are some of my thoughts for the origins of some DSMP members who have murky origins(like C! Tommy) or who's origins should literally be impossible if it's through normal means(like C! Fundy). Btw, Tommy's origin is the idea I've developed most while the others are barely developed at all:
C! Tommy - This idea is very inspired by C! Tommy's origin in the fanfic The Dreamwalker by Hydre. In my headcanons, Tommy is a shapeshifter and shapeshifters are created by the magic of the world from emotions so strong that a living thing is literally manifested or they become the personification of something(since monsters that come out at night are also manifestations of magic, why can't people and animals also pop up due to magic too?). For Tommy, he came into existence due to the emotions and wants of the Minecraft family(made up of Philza, Kristin, Technoblade, and Wilbur). The most prominent things that caused Tommy's existence was the love of their family and desire for another member, but other elements of their family influenced how Tommy turned out. A few things Tommy was also created from were Wilbur's passion for music, Phil's love of flying freely in the sky, and a dash of Techno's obsession over gold(for funsies). This was translated into Tommy loving music, being a free and wild spirit, having sky blue eyes and gold eyes, and really liking gold items like jewelry and golden apples(Techno is ironically the indirect reason Tommy steals gapples from him).
C! Fundy - He's the manifestation of Wilbur and Sally's love for one another because it wouldn't make sense for Fundy to be as old as he is in comparison to Wilbur :/ In my headcanons, Sally(who was a merling hybrid) and Wilbur were very much in love(it was mutual) and wanted to build a life together. Fundy either manifested with the body of a 6-10 year old or he grows much faster than a normal person(because magic is funny like that). Unfortunately, Sally died due to a disease a few years later :(
C! Quackity - Kinda inspired by C! Quackity's origin from The Dreamwalker. I'm still not completely sure what his origins are but I definitely can't imagine him with parents and I really want him to be a shapeshifter. I feel like he'd be the personification of fire(which is where greed and wrath come into his character) or the sun, of course with a few other factors influencing his creation but yeah.
C! Technoblade - I'm so conflicted and indecisive on his origons, but if he isn't the literal Blood God, then he is the manifestation of the Nether. Just- as a whole. Or he manifested after a huge and bloody war between conflicting piglin tribes.
There's a post I saw a while ago about where fantasy races get their children. It was like, dwarfs carve their children out of stone, goblins steal their children, elves find random animals and teach them until they reach elven intelligence... And I think that's how children work on the dream smp. You could do it the old fashioned way, or you can teach a fox how to talk until it's at human intelligence, you can cast a baby out of gold and wait for it to start moving on its own or you can terraform a mountain and call it a baby until it walks away, you can find any random mob, object, or land form and just, it's your baby now, it'll start walking and talking soon.
oh my god everybody shut the fuck up and unfollow me, i want to be alone with this person and discuss worldbuilding with them
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It's a not-happy Wednesday but I thought not sharing art of any kind wouldn't be a solution to this. Instead have an extra long snippet of A Few Moons Ago. Open tag today though because I can't gage whether some people would mind. But I would love to be tagged back if you shared something you've created of any kind. 💓
The man huffs. “I won’t tell you what to do, but I know you’re a lot more lucid now, so unless there’s a reason, it would be a little easier if you shifted too so we could communicate properly.” They did communicate. Last night, as wolves, everything had seemed so easy. Nothing to misinterpret. He knew the gray wolf liked his scent, his company. Knew he liked to play and nudge his head against Carlos’. Even with a hazy memory, he feels like they spent the last night talking endlessly, despite no words exchanged.
“Carlitos, you can’t stay like this forever,” his mother used to say when he kid, small enough shifted into a cub to curl up in the lowest shelf of her cupboard. It smelled so much of her there, so comforting, that he whined whenever she pulled him out by the scruff on his neck. “Don’t you want to be a kid too? Play out with your human friends?”
Carlos would be back in her cupboard as soon as she turned her head.
Most days, this was easier. Being an alpha, transforming into a wolf whenever he wanted made talking less relevant. When life was complicated, fur was warm, gestures more forgiving with words lost to him. Right now, he finds himself wanting nothing more than to connect with this man on all levels though. Carlos extracts himself from the makeshift nest, feeling colder outside the cocooning scent of it, until he sits back in the corner of the truck bed.
“Wait!” The man says, but Carlos is already shifting before the word is finished.
Even if the sun had washed some of the moon lure away from Carlos’ brain, there is an extra set of clarity to his thoughts as he blinks his human eyes open. The world explodes back in color -- the one thing more vivid when other senses are dulled -- and the first thing Carlos eyes focus on instantly is the man in front of him.
He has the eyes of the forest - no, a forest creek - the hair the color of oak bark. Seashell pink lips, a hint of a stubble a lot of werewolves grow much quicker after a transformation. Sitting up, he covers his lap with the edge of the sleeping bag, before throwing a pillow at Carlos.
Carlos, who sits frog-legged from the position he was in as a wolf, is completely bared to him. Despite the much subtler scent after shifting, their arousal spills out between them, mingling in the air as its own scent. Carlos knows the man smells it too by the way his pupils widen and his tongue darts out.
He covers himself with a pillow anyway, because as much as nudity is more accepted in their culture, it’s not exactly normal to sit spread naked in a truck bed with a stranger.
“Hi,” Carlos says, rolling back his shoulders to fold them out strong behind him. He likes the way the guys’ eyes flick down to look at the way his chest pops out for it.
“Hey,” the man returns, his voice making Carlos’ heartbeat spike.
Silence falls between them, leaving the nightingales to greet this morning. Carlos decides to be the one to take the first step, see if the man follows.
“I’m Carlos.”
“TK.”
TK. Two letters that feel oddly too short to be filled with the grandeur he feels wafting off of him. He may be an omega, but he carries himself like an alpha. It’s the reason he stopped Carlos in his tracks last night.
“Nice to meet you,” says Carlos. “Hope you’re not too disappointed I’m not…who was it? I can’t really remember words too clearly, but I remember you asking me if I was someone famous?”
TK visibly swallows. “Brad Pitt.”
“Yeah, well…sorry?” Again: OPEN TAG. But please if you have something you created, of any kind, tag me and share some creativity and color with this world 💓 Thanks for tagging me @ironheartwriter
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feral dog gets a little treat for no longer trying to chew its own leg off after doing nothing else for 2 days. UGH
#tütensuppe#spent 2 days with excruciating self destructive thoughts#all 'yeah this is completely Normal and Reasonable'#<- stepped into depression pit and didnt even notice they fell#we have to work on 'people will sometimes neutrally think about me even if im not there' now#i made the experience that nobody wants to be around me if someone more interesting is there#so now i have this fun thing where i can make acquaintances okay but after a while of interacting#i start panicking that Surely They Will Realize Im Not Worth It Soon#and then its anxiety all around until i give up and retreat#similarly im dead afraid of seeking out people w similar identities/interests#bc like what if they find out im doing it Wrong and clock me as a faker right?#need some reassurance but wont get it bc for others its normal and not a stressor that will haunt them for the whole next week!!
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#yes#yes they are#i love that they are because it gives me the image of all the corvid tumblr users#in like a club or something#and we’re all really over the top edgy#with the exception of the polite yet kinda weird one (/aff)#who is just surrounded by paparazzi 24/7#and the rest of us are in shock#but they think it’s completely normal#idk why this is so vivid#now i need to draw it#fuck#also sorry if i fucked up ur pronouns corvid#i forgor and couldn’t find them for whatever reason
Yeah that's pretty accurate, I tend to think less about the strangeness of my popularity than the strangeness of my mutuals being less popular. I've got some great folks
If you do draw it, would ya mind summoning me?
You got the pronouns right, by the by
Apparently I've got over two hundred followers
What are you doing here
Don't you have better things to do with your day?
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new rt everyone shes a freak whos pretty sure shes been been given the role of rogue trader as an act of divine intervention to eventually replace the godemperor and bring new glory to the imperium which she thinks is dull and stagnant. dont worry about why she keeps marazhai caged in her trophy room like he's bait its not important and completely irrelevant to the fact ive joke nicknamed her simon thresh. has anyone noticed a lot of slaaneshi demons during warp jumps lately
#warhammer rogue trader#rogue trader#marazhai aezyrraesh#von valancius#if i ever mention about marazhai going insane on the voidship this is what i want you to think of#understimulated predator animal in a cage claws itself open#its worse with her but i do think he generally feels kinda insane anyway#yeah he's tricked into thinking she's tolerable and a fair alternative to the arena then hes taken to the voidship#yrliet [who was the fixation until now] tries to warn him about her before getting her head bashed in infront of him#spirit stone smashed into shards for ritual use body dragged off for vague poor medical knowledge dissection#he is now thinking the arena might not be so bad after all. except he's got no way to back out of this so hes screaming clawing at the wall#shes not giving him up willingly and the only person who could take him by force is calcazar whos not a great alternative tbh!#so he gets to go insane being bait for the chaos god he's already ocd fixated is stealing his soul [on top of normal drukhari fears]#and he's not able to maul anyone else while locked up so its just him dealing with this alone! yay#she doesnt give a shit about pasqal until he gets xenotech in him. then he goes to the trophy room too for study/more grafts#heinrix is most likely captive in the trophy room too with his death faked so he cant snitch#idira Almost got in trouble too for the implant she gets from tervantias but then it breaks and this lass is just angry at her#the Only reason she doesnt feed her to the wolves and kick her out is her door. and she is now trying to force it open with a crowbar#abelard has to deal with her shit and manage it socially. he never thought he'd want to retire but fucking hell when can he quit#she likes jae mostly for her connections. toxic yuri theyre both using eachother#she briefly idolises achilleas for bringing her to commorragh but then finds out he did it under torture and didnt want to. mad at him#he can make it up to her once hes a wrack though [he is going next to marazhai. this will only improve both their mental states]#can you tell this freak is a piece of work yet#shes got screams of the damned volume 3 playing across the ship and shes having a great time but is completely deadpan the whole time#unrelated! you can finally see my idea of marazhai next to a normal fucking human good god. yeah i think hes huge
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character that unironically came to me in a dream??
#super fast sketches bc i didnt wanna forget the design#fun fact even in the dream i wasnt sure about her design#like. her ''''''''normal'''''''' hand kept changing from actually normal to the one i drew here#same for the legs. from normal to bird-like bc i couldnt decide#from what i remember this isnt her original form?? like. She got infected with a parasite that transformed her body into this#but it kinda went wrong bc the transformation isnt complete or smth#she couldnt remember anything before the transformation. Also the parasite could talk to her i think??????#she was pretty cool with it tho#she also uhhh woke up? in a foggy minecraft taiga?? and the spawn chest was filled with like#stuff and armor that only she could use#i cant draw armor for the life of me but iirc it looked like the one malenia from elden ring has. at least the helmet#anyways yeah im done yapping i swear#tamyart#oc stuff#one thing that i absolutely love about her are the wings#she has two wings btw. just all on her left side for some reason#yknow what she reminds me of. Chelshia from khimera: destroy all monster girls#<- absolutely maniacal name but i swear that game is so fucking fun
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sorry it's kind of personal, but seriously the more time goes on and the more I'm fucking baffled at how bad society is collectively at handling mental illness and neurodivergence in general because not only it's everywhere, but it's always been everywhere
and we're just so so SO goddamn awful about dealing with it
#thoughts#personal#cw mental health#and everytime a situation blows up there's like#no support nowhere to turn to no resources only completely unhelpful and traumatic criminalization and dehumanization#that then goes on to only make everything worse for the mentally ill and everyone around them trying to support them#it's one of the reasons why I despise the concept of a couple as a societal unit btw#HOW is it the responsibility of a single trapped individual to care for themselves and someone in that state#how is this fucking normal or helpful#and if they can't find that special someone or that someone chooses themselves the people with special needs just get to die in a back alle#I am beyond exhausted by the way the world works#I am so SO fucking tired you guys#will absolutely end up deleting this or at least the tags but yeah It's Been and It Is
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꒰୨୧꒱
#the thing is that even if i always long for a relastionship...#i've never even been in one and idk how they work & im so scared of many things#i have sm troubles and issues with touch. i've gotten to a place where i cant even stand my own sisters or mom bumping into me#and outside i cant stand when someone accidentally walks into me or touching someone's legs on the bus#i hate it. it's not only feeling uncomfortable i feel distressed and scared and sick#smth that seems very normal in like all couples is that youre 'allowed' to touch eo all thge time whenever#that scares me a lot. like touch is so scary for me. and when youre in a relationship theres just this silent agreement that you can touch#eo all the time and thats like... how it's supposed to be.... ://#thats so scary to me. that theres this expectation and demand that if im someones gf they should be allowed to touch me whnever#and like i've never been in love and been in a relationship and been touched by that person so idk#maybe it wouldnt be an issue. but just thinking that.. i dont belong completely to myself and therefore give up#the right to not be touched if and when i feel distressed or uneasy is too scary for me#maybe i could learn to feel safe with them and want their touch but rn it scares me skskks#what if they kiss me when im feeling extremely sex reoulsed and wanna kill myself bc of my inner agony#and they get hurt when i try to pull away?#bc regardless of what ppl say... it is a truth that in a relationship youre exoected to want physical touch at all times#and it is seen as an insult to your partner if there are other forces within u (like trauma etc) that makes u sometimes uncomfortable w it#but yeah idk... the problem is that... in humanity and society#consent is one of the least important and prioritized things. as a humanbeing living u will have your consent disregarded countless times#and for me personally consent is one of the most important things. & thats one of the reasons why its so hard for me to live in this society#like yes i do want to have a partner and touch and be touched#but what if we're in the store and im feeling particularly bad that day and feel like#i need to turn myself inside out and peel my skin off and feel anxious and scared#and they just casually grab my ass?? then i will go home and kill myself :) or have a breakdown in the store lol#i dont want to go thru this but i also dont wanna put someone else thru it#and like it would be different if they asked first if i was ok being touched and i said yes#and if i said no theyd respect me and not get hurt#but like be for real.... almost nobody does that. and almost everyone thinks thats lame#in most relationships nobody asks eo. youre expected to just always be ok with it. if u want to be asked youre silly and demanding#nobody asks their partner abt that. that just dont happen lmao. so idk. :((( i wish i was normal
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.
#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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i don't know if i think it's really funny or kind of a shame that many people are going to know tadaima okaeri solely as "the omegaverse bl" when it's actually such a sweet slice-of-life about community, family, the struggles of the older generation to understand the younger and vice versa, recovering from social isolation and how recursive that recovery can be, forging lasting friendships as adults, and so on. it's so wholesome and drama-free that it barely has any plot to speak of, but what it lacks in plot it makes up for in themes and man. what beautiful themes
#since my recent reread i've been giving more thought to why i like it SO much#because on the surface it really is just fluff#and i love fluff! but usually require some substance to be completely invested in something#and hoooooo boy am i invested#and i think yeah it's the themes. the friendships the community the intergenerational family tensions that are resolved#in such a satisfying way to me#but yeah of course it is also the omegaverse bl lol#iirc my first read years back of only the first volume left me like ''awh that was super cute'' but it was not memorable#and that makes sense bc it's the community that takes shape in later volumes as the rest of the cast enter their lives#that really appeals to me#anyway! random thinky thoughts before bed#i'm already seeing some comments along the lines of ''this is so cute but why did it have to be omegaverse that's so weird and gross''#''it could have just been normal''#it's omegaverse because that's the story the author wanted to tell. you fools. you absolute buffoons#flashbacks to all the writing workshop critiques i've received that went something like#''this is really good but do they have to be gay. there's no reason they can't just be normal'' ah fun times :) <- sarcastic guy#goodniiight dashboard if you are for some reason still reading these tags here's a little surprise:#SUPER BOOP!!!!!!
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the entire essay I could write about the background vocals in terrible man. you don't understand
#onlyoneof#why do you think that first beat drop at the first chorus hits so hard. dude#that's the only spot in the song that I can find where the background vocals completely disappear#also the chorus is the only part of the song where the beat is completely clear and not muddy#there are 2 other spots in the verses that has a bit of the chorus beat too but it's not *as* clear as in the chorus#god when that motto motto tsunaide mou uso demo ii kara furetete HITS. it hits#this song is so insanely good and for no fucking reason I could write an essay about it. maybe I should#the intro has that . instrument that I can't name in it and then the verse has that too but with the beat from the chorus#and then the prechorus is all wahhhwoohohhf floaty. it's floaty airy breathy no clear beat#AND THEN THE. CHORUS HITS and man. uifkvfjvnfjjvjfjvbvfj yeah#also the way rie sings mimi kara karada kills me every time. unrelated to the discussion around instrumentals but#THE BACKGROUND VOCALS IN THE 2ND CHORUS BTW#the woaaahhh that continues into wooohooohh in the chorus...#the ohoohhh ohooooh#dude? listen to hidoi otoko by onlyoneof. that's what I'm saying here#really listen#put it on repeat all day and notice every little instrumental and background vocal detail in it. maybe then you'll be normal#cuz I sure am. so normal and regular about this song#GOD it's so good#sorry if you don't get it. I'm right#the only crime this song commits is being too short#the ohh woahh in the first prechorus. that part is different in the korean version of the song and that one little part is why I prefer the#japanese version of the song. literally just one woahh background vocal is what makes me heavily favor this version. lol#me when I'm so normal about my favorite background vocal parts of a song. is that even a thing it is now. it is to me
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Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——
#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her#like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’#she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel#she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love#and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy#so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless#like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now#because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it#just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11#and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want#so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different#but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy#and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change#like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground#and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does#and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts#wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way#and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her#because she WILL find a way to win#but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL#it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is#because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say#ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her#and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy#of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants#and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands#like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time#and she feels every blow!#whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just#this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!
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#bonus under the cut getting that snout facing right at the camera#camerupt#early 2000s animation cow‚ apparently. that's what someone just said about the bonus image. i honestly never understood this thing's name#i always thought it was pretty obviously a cow. but then its name implies camel. camel erupt. camerupt. is there a specific kind of#camel that just looks like a cow?? or. what. or am i just misremembering what camels look like#either way‚ i still think this pokémon is pretty cool‚ but i don't really use it ever in my own playthroughs. i don't think i *ever* have#not even in pokémon colosseum where i'm pretty sure you can get a shadow numel at some point. bc i already had a fire-type#not sure which one it was but it was definitely one of them. maybe cyndaquil? because of the dudes with the johto starters#that you fight near the beginning in pppp uuuhhh the PHENAC city i couldn't remember the name. for a second there.#i wasn't aware as a kid that their outfits corresponded to the type of the starter they had and also that you could only fight one of them#i think as a kid i was under the impression that there was only the one. for some reason i remember fighting the green one#oh wait they have the second-evos yeah. cuz he had bayleef. and the red one would've had quilava. not cyndaquil#ugh my memory is not very good evidently. i'm writing these tags after work. normally i do them right when i wake up but this time i just#do not have an excuse for not being able to remember shit. this is just on me. maybe it's amplified by the fact that i have yet to eat today#which i have a very bad habit of doing. forgetting to eat all day and not eating until like 5 and then that being my only meal for the day#i'm trynna get better about it but it is Not easy for some reason. for something that should be decidedly very simple#but my brain doesn't often let me eat until i've completed all of my silly little Tasks. so. idk. this will however post the day after i've#arrived back home from my trip which is nice. the first time future me will be sleeping in her own bed again. good luck again future me#you might need it
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there is really something cruel and strange and fucked up about switching between thinking youre the center of the universe and thinking youre completely invisible 50 fuckin times a day. like do you have a god complex or an inferiority complex make up your mind
#the mental illness strikes again#yeah its that and like this crippling lonliness that has had me in a chokehold#pov you open the same 3 apps over and over again on repeat all day trying to see if anyone has messaged you or interacted with you at all#then you realize oh wait yeah. they all have lives and you dont. yeah that explains it#then you self loathe and pity for a bit and repeat the cycle#mad pathetic#and on top of that youre too fuckin sensitive so you take it all personal#even stupid jokes. yeah that stupid joke it hurt my feelings and for no reason at all#im not even really sad right now its just. so painfully frustrating that this has to be the normal for me#no matter how many times i seek help for it i get blown off#not to mention im *still* fucked up over not being able to go to the one person i relied on to help me when i was mentally unwell#though ive tried#but bringing up being mentally unwell gets me a sad face emoticon at best#and bringing up being physically unwell and that ive had to go to multiple doctors over the past few months is just. completely ignored#oh well#i am completely over that person but that doesnt mean getting ignored doesnt fucking hurt#anyways
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Huge vent
Yesterday was the welcome thing for the beginning of the school year, only from 15h to 16h30. Still managed to end up late. Nothing to do either, just sit there and listen to the explanation of how the year is gonna go. Still came back home EXHAUSTED
First day of school and I'm already an hour late
They also said that if we come late, the teachers aren't gonna let us in
So now I'm just frozen, sitting on my chair after finally managing to prepare, with no idea on if i waste the little energy i have going to school in the heat only to not be let in
But they also said they'd do that last year, and they never did. So maybe they're not doing it again and I'm just wasting time when they would let me in
I don't know and that's the problem
And even if i can, the mental image of everyone in class turning to stare at me and judge while i enter in the middle of the class, because i spent more than half of last year being hours late if not straight up missing "for no reason" is too much (because this country has dog shit psychology knowledge that has been studied to be around 50 years late, and they know nothing about invisible disabilities. Not like I'd ever even tell them. This class sucks in all minorities fronts)
But also I'm literally already thousands of euros in debt for this damn school and every class i miss is money wasted
I don't know what to do
#sent a message to admins to ask about the disability help i can get#think I'm gonna wait until afternoon class to go#and use that time to do all the other medical calls i need to do#hope we can talk about my help soon and i can explain the causes for why I'm late in the morning and why I'm struggling so much#and they'll actually listen#negative#HB rambles#i did brush my teeth! that's a huge win. and took a shower yesterday despite already taking one sunday#which thinking about it now might be the reason I'm already struggling so hard this morning.....#having to suddenly live with low spoons sucks. especially when you have huge memory issues#i keep acting like how i used to. just normal. and then being baffled when something as small as a shower wipes out all my energy for the#next day#i hate this. i hate this so much. i want to go back to being able to do multiple things a day and not ending up drained#i had 3 months of summer break. and only played animal crossing new leaf for like- 3 afternoons#never touched any other game. or my dsi. or my wii. or any of my books#played buckshot roulette for a few hours once#couldn't keep going. it's fun. but because it's a strategy game. it DRAINED my mental energy#i planned to fucking start sports and learn how to sew and crochet and maybe even skateboard#and instead i couldn't even draw a simple BASIC art piece without taking multiple days of only 3 hours sessions#an entire year of doctor appointments. and i still have NOTHING. no answer or help#my last hope is a mental exam in December....#if we don't find the answer then.....I'm probably gonna have to survive like this for the rest of my life#and i definitely can't get or keep a job in this state#vent#chronic fatigue#autistic burnout#probably#but it's not like i can get help for that. when the cure is YEARS of COMPLETE rest#no job or responsabilities whatsoever. yeah right. only way to get that would be to get sent to a retirement home or something#hate this
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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic
#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks#or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow#him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their#entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho#w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode#It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just#like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked#away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write#the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol#you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what#has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for#the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba#too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool#Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions#of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous#ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long#and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good#enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one#special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person#or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first#sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol#Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes#lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi#re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype#then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever#or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring
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