#aita posts

[clown-around-and-find-out]

court proceedings should just be formatted the same way as aita posts

[merpshire]

Another example of how to easily judge AITA posts. If the title frames the poster as an asshole or in the wrong in the general case, there is some BATSHIT insane exception in their post that makes their actions as reasonable and as sane as possible in the face of the insane exception. If the title frames the poster as being maligned in some way, then the poster is a whiny, entitled jerk who has alienated their real life friends and family and are turning to the internet to get people to agree with their bad behavior.

[caffeinewitchcraft]

AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied to me about his human job?

I (542 vampire) and my husband (260 vampire) have been together for a little over two centuries. There’s a saying in the vampiric community that it takes a century for a tryst to become an enduring partnership and another century to become soulmates. I thought that was true and that Matthew (using his real name because fuck you, Matthew) and I would be together forever…until this week.

First, let me explain a few things to the mortals here. I don’t mean that negatively – I came here specifically to get the opinion of those with a finite lifespan. However, I want to be fair to Matthew as much as possible and some of his decisions are very immortal-minded.

Both Matthew and I are vampires who have chosen to forsake some of our powers in exchange for the ability to daywalk. We made the transition together on our 100th anniversary almost 115 years ago. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. I was very dependent on human blood and I spent the first twenty years in almost constant sleep as my body adjusted to running off of less lunar magic and more solar magic.

It really felt like I was losing everything. My body got physically weaker and my powers began to disappear one by one. It felt like every time I woke, another part of me was missing. One day I could turn into a wolf, the next I could barely turn into a vapor. I could command a legion of undying servants, and then I could barely convince the mailman he didn’t see me levitate down from the second floor.

Matthew, however, took to daywalking like a werewolf to a sheep farm. He barely seemed to feel the pain of losing his power, maybe because he was so much younger than me. Whatever the case, he was out all the time once he stabilized. He would be gone for days sometimes and when he came back it was with fantastic stories about the humans’ new inventions or the new structures being built in whatever town we were in.

I’m not saying I regret transitioning. Just that Matthew and I had very different experiences. It felt like he barely changed at all while my entire being got rewritten. Being immortal makes you comfortable in your own skin. I never doubted myself or my power after I turned 100. But becoming a daywalker made me feel like I was being born as a human again. It was humiliating and vulnerable. I have to admit there were times I resented how easily Matthew did it. I blamed him for not supporting me like I thought he should. I would daydream about draining a human in front of him, showing him what I thought of his fascination with them. I had all sorts of vile and vengeful thoughts. I’m not proud of the person I was and now I’m grateful Matthew wasn’t there to see the lows I sunk to.

Despite all my awful thoughts, I didn’t quit. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. I stuck with it and, day by day, things got easier.

After 26 years I began to stabilize. The benefits of being a daywalker slowly blossomed before me.  Now I can say that I am completely happy with my daywalker status and all the changes it’s brought.

I am the most mentally stable I have been since my Turning in 1482. It’s like I’m awake. The fits of rage that used to consume me for months at a time have completely disappeared. I don’t experience the same level of obsession I used to which has freed up a lot of my time that I used to spend stalking my victims.

However, that drastic of a change would be challenging in any relationship. Matthew and I ended up together because of my obsessive nature. Our relationship became strained when that part of me went dormant. He expected me to follow his immersion into the human world just as I had followed him in his revenge quest against his Master. He expected me to support him wholeheartedly and with everything I was. He wanted sacrifices from me that I used to not even flinch at before making. But something was just…different. We wanted different things. I wanted different things.

Matthew was obsessed with being the perfect human. He craved full immersion. He still makes it a point to get a human job every twenty years or so. Me? I’m happy to live off our investments and some mild mind control while enjoying the art and theater community the humans have evolved.

It got bad. Some years, we spent like ghosts in our own house, drifting by each other without a glance. Other years, it was like we were spies behind enemy lines. He would do whatever he could to thwart me and I would go out of my way to ridicule him. Our vitriol poisoned the earth. Matthew didn’t speak to me for a full decade when that poison killed off an entire town.

About twenty years ago, it all came to a head. We had a serious sit-down talk about our relationship. It wasn’t easy. What they say about teaching an old dog new tricks is sometimes true. Matthew wanted me to be as involved with the humans as he was. He wanted me to care about them like he did. I wanted him to travel with me like we used to and not just hop from town to neighboring town (which he did to maintain a human identity with references so he could keep working). When it became clear that we were at an impasse, I brought up the idea of separation.

Separating in the vampiric world isn’t easy. There are a lot of alliances and blood oaths to be considered. Over the two centuries we spent together, we became known as a unit to a number of supernatural entities that we maintain an uneasy truce with. Separating would mean creating new oaths and alliances with the same individuals. And there was no guarantee that those individuals would make new pacts with both of you. A LOT of vampire couples end up in blood feuds while separating. Neither of us wanted that.

There was also, of course, the emotional side of things. While a lot of immortals tend to only feel muted emotions (especially vampires as old as me), Daywalking had made both of us more sensitive than we’d been before. We were both attached to the memories we shared and neither of us could imagine life without the other. After 200 years together, it felt like Matthew was my right arm, and I his. When I brought up separation, we both felt it like we were discussing an amputation.

After about a year of talking, we finally reached an agreement. We didn’t want to separate, and so we would compromise. I wouldn’t interfere with any of Matthew’s human jobs for the 15-17 years if he could hold them without arousing suspicion. In exchange, he would take a year off to go traveling with me before finding another town for us to live in. In between my trips, he would go to plays and galas with me to enjoy human artistry at least once a month.

Maybe our deal was in his favor. At the time, it felt practical and fair. A year of traveling wouldn’t undo Matthew’s string of connections. We would still see each other frequently by going on dates that I liked. Matthew would get to stay immersed in the human world at the level he wanted, and I could stay within my comfort zone.

Which brings me to my current problem.

We are currently at the start of one of Matthew’s work cycles. He’s been everything from a fireman to a politician to a subway worker to a barista. He craves knowledge and connection to a terrifying degree. If it weren’t for how we move every 20 years and he goes without protest, I’d call it obsession.

This cycle, Matthew told me he was going to be a teacher. I was hesitant. While the humans have become more tolerant and less violent over the years, that doesn’t mean they will tolerate us near their young. Enough humans know about vampires that staking in the modern era is a real possibility. Matthew could incite an angry mob against us or, heaven forbid, get a vampire hunter on our tail. I have yet to be shot, but I hear that they have silver bullets that hurt like Hell.

When I voiced my protests, Matthew reminded me about our agreement. He said that I wouldn’t interfere with his jobs and he’d go to all the plays I liked. He even pointed out that, as a teacher, he could get us into high school plays and expositions. I was uneasy, but agreements are penultimate to immortals. I silenced my objections and let him get a job as a science teacher at a local high school.

When Michael has had jobs in the past, I’ve never really paid attention. One time he was a state senator for ten years and I never even heard him speak. I didn’t consider it worth my time to hear whatever his facsimile of a human would say. Real humanity is in the art they create, not in the parody Michael enacts.

But this one…I couldn’t ignore this one. Maybe it was because I was still uneasy about his proximity to human young or maybe I could sense his lies even at the beginning. Whatever the case, I watched him.

The first thing I noticed was the hours. He would go to work early and would often come home when it was time for us to sleep. When I asked him about it, he said that he wasn’t used to grading and that he had underestimated what it took to put a good lesson plan together. I visited some online forums and that’s apparently reasonable for first year teachers.

He would also sometimes go in on the weekends. He missed one of our dates because there was a “grading emergency” that needed his immediate attention. Something about a student’s test getting lost and then found and he needed to input their grade before the deadline which was on Saturday. Humans like silly rules like that so I didn’t even look that one up. I just reminded him that he couldn’t miss our dates again or else he was breaking our deal. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again.

Then about three months into his new job, the phone calls started. We have a private room in our house for when we need to talk without any visitors overhearing. Michael moved all his school supplies in there, saying that he needed a silent space to concentrate on his grading. Whenever he got a call, he would never answer it in front of me. Instead, he’d say “Sorry, work” and just go into his office.

I also noticed that he didn’t dress very professionally. Human fashion changes quickly so it didn’t register at first. A sweatshirt here and there slipped past me, and also the Gucci slides. When he started wearing baggy jeans and jerseys to work, I noticed. I may not be up to date on all the newest fashions, but I do go to classy events. I know what a slob looks like and it didn’t sit right with me that he was wearing that to school. When I asked him about it, he always had an excuse. “This is what everyone wears” and “It’s a theme day” or, bafflingly, “It’s spirit week!”

I tried to leave it alone. The reason we have stayed together for so long is because of our agreement to not interfere in each other’s lives. But between his hours, the phone calls, and his appearance, something didn’t add up.

Then, last Thursday, he missed another one of our dates. We were supposed to go to the Nutcracker together. Even though I prefer matinees (when the cast is fresh), I agreed to get us tickets for the evening show so that he wouldn’t have to leave work early. When he wasn’t there at 7pm, I called him and he didn’t answer. Then, when I called him again, his phone was switched off.

I was furious. I spend nearly two decades in these tiny towns so he can live his human fantasy and he can’t even show up for one two hour show? It was the first time since becoming a daywalker that I felt that angry. I was scared about what I might do, so I made myself go home to wait for him.

Only, he never came home that night. At 3am, he sent me a text apologizing and promising to make up our date on Saturday. But the Nutcracker was only playing until Friday and that would be too little, too late. To be honest, it already was. I texted him that and he never responded.

He never ended up coming home last weekend. I texted and called him probably a dozen times and he never responded. I got angrier and angrier as the days dragged by. Did he think I was someone to be taken lightly? Did he not realize that the fragile agreement between us was all that was keeping us from separation?

Yesterday (Monday), I couldn’t take it anymore. If he wasn’t going to come home or respond to my messages, then I would go to him. If he was so obsessed with this new job that he would ignore me for it, then I knew exactly where to find him.

I arrived at his school at 10am. I researched enough to know how to go to the office and sign myself in. I asked the office assistant which room Mr. Duetto was in.

The lovely young woman looked confused. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give that information out to anyone but family,” she said.

“I am his only family,” I said.

She clicked a few more keys and looked more confused. “His paperwork only shows his mother, Delilah Duetto.”

That’s right. His mother. But I still didn’t understand then.

“That’s me,” I said.

“You are not the mother of 17-year-old.”

“I’m his wife,” I said.

She was upset by that. I won’t bore you with every detail, but I had to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call the police. I may not look like someone who has a teenager, but I also don’t look like a teenager. I ended up having to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call human CPS on an apparent adult swearing she was married to a minor.

I went home and broke into his office. There weren’t any lesson plans. There were no graded papers. There were syllabus from different classes, homework with his name on it, and a few polaroids taped to the bottom of his desk of him at a party with children.

Human children. I don’t honestly know which is worse.

(EDIT: I know the child part is the worst part. I misspoke because of my anger. It’s not the humans’ fault that my husband is a pervert.)

I broke into his laptop and used that to check his text messages. He’s been texting like a high schooler. He’s been to parties with them, listened to their problems and even fabricated a few of his own. He’s caught in some sort of weird love triangle where a freshman girl likes him but his “best friend” likes her. He has texted both of them about it, promising his “bro” that nothing is happening and then turning around and leading this girl-child on.

Some choice quotes: I should know better than to get close with you. You and I come from very different worlds

To which she replied, lol maybe we should let our worlds collide

!!!!

I find the entire situation disgusting. Matthew is several centuries older than them and he definitely knows better. He’s literally wearing the sheep’s fleece amongst the flock. He has no business forming relationships with human children and even less pretending to be one of them. He’s not a baby. He is over two centuries old!

What is he doing flirting with a child? It’s vile and disgusting and I was set to kill him for it.

I confronted him about it when he came home last night. I told him that he was sick and dangerous and if he loved humans then he needed to stop immediately. I told him we either left town today or I would make sure he never set foot back in that school in a way he really wouldn’t like.

 He threw a huge tantrum over my invading his privacy. He shouted at me that I had broken my promise to never interfere in his job. He called me controlling and crazy.

I told him he was the crazy one for chatting up a child. He told me he wasn’t, she was just his friend. I asked him to read their texts out loud if he was being so friendly. I also pointed out that there was no way a 260-year-old vampire is a child’s friend.

He told me I was a hypocrite because I basically cradle robbed him (we’re almost 300 years apart.) He said if anyone was disgusting, it was me for taking advantage of him.

I pointed out that he wasn’t a child, he was over 60 and had already been a vampire for four decades. He argued that that was basically being a child in vampire terms.

I was so angry at that point that the house was shaking. I told him if he felt that way, then we could get divorced right then and there. That that was what I wanted to do anyway because I couldn’t be married to a pedophile.

He asked me if I was seriously going to start a blood feud over him immersing himself in human society. I said no, I’m starting a blood feud because he’s become every predatory stereotype humans have of vampires.

He called me a hypocrite again and told me he was leaving. He said not to call him unless I was ready to apologize. I told him that the next time he sees me, he’d better run before I showed him the real difference between us. And it wasn’t just 300 years.

When I calmed down, doubt started creeping in. From an immortal perspective, what he’s doing isn’t really wrong. I hate to say it, but most immortals don’t view human lives as significant. I know a few vampires who would say that divorcing because he’s playing with his food is idiotic.

Plus, there’s the agreement to consider. During our fight, Matthew pointed out that being a student is a job to humans. So therefore I didn’t have the right to interfere. A big part of me thinks that’s bullshit, but a small part of me wonders if he’s maybe right about that?

I also have to ask myself why this even bothers me. I’m the one in the relationship that is aloof from humans. I’m the one that’s always saying we are from different worlds (Yeah, he stole that from me) and for good reason. 

But over the years, I’ve become fond of humans. No immortal makes art like them. I may not remember my time as a mortal, but there are works that give me a sense of nostalgia. Sometimes I think I can remember being a child myself, standing in a field like in Monet painting, staring at the wheatstacks and waiting for the miller to come. 

The thought of Matthew playing with them makes me sick. It’s like even after all the years of him living amongst them, he thinks of them as props in his twisted play. It’s even worse that he’s doing this to children. 

I can’t help but think something went really wrong with my husband when I wasn’t looking. At the very least, I’m planning on divorcing him. But would I be the asshole if I killed him too?

 Separating from him will be violent and messy. There will likely be human casualties. But I don’t see any other way. So, I ask.

AITA for divorcing my husband for lying to me about his human job?

----

Thanks for reading! I loved answering some of the responses I got when I first posted this over on my Patreon (X)!

These collaborative story telling pieces are the highlight of my week. Next week's story is about a witch who wants to know if she should attend her high school reunion even though she's responsible for stripping two former classmates of their magic...

Please check that out here (X) if you''d like early access! Otherwise I'll see y'all next week :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Welcome to tumblr's own AITA!

The askbox is currently: CLOSED

Please submit your own stories to be judged by the court of tumblr! Each story will come with a poll, judgements are as follows:

YTA=You're the asshole NTA=Not the asshole (the other party is) JAH=Justified asshole (you’re an asshole, but like, I get it) NAH=No assholes here (everyone is some level of justified) ESH=Everyone sucks here (you're all assholes) INFO=Not enough information to judge (answer questions via reblog or reply, NOT my askbox please!)

Ready to submit yours? Read the FAQ first! (If it doesn't open for you on mobile, try opening it in your mobile browser instead of the app)

I've been talked into making a ko-fi, no pressure but if you want to throw me a couple bucks for keeping this train running, feel free to buy me a coffee! Never expected, always appreciated

[thelandswemadeofpaper]

Writing Prompt

Write a conflict where you are clearly the right one and the other person is an asshole.

Than make a edit/reblog adding some informations that change completly the situation and YOU are actually the asshole

[secretmellowblog]

A lot of people say Enjolras is too harsh on Grantaire but honestly? Imagine if your DSA meeting was constantly interrupted by a loud long-winded Redditor going on 30-page long rants about how everything is futile and also here are some weird facts he’s learned from somewhere and no he won’t cite his sources and also did you ever consider the deeper philosophy of this meme and also here’s his thoughts on a book he half remembers reading and also has he mentioned he dropped out of Art College —-

Honestly Enjolras is more patient than I would be tbh

[funfeminism]

AITA for being annoyed my client/host threw my only mirror out of a window?

I (22M) am a solicitor and currently staying at a client’s castle in Transylvania. As I was shaving this morning my client (??M) grabbed my mirror, got mad at me for bleeding, called the mirror a “foul bauble of man’s vanity” and threw it out of the castle window. I was annoyed and was going to say something but then I noticed he was making my bed even though he says he has servants(?? I have yet to see one)

Edit: is it strange that I didn’t see his reflection in the mirror??

[jakejeffreyperalta]

say what you want about the pjo show but ares being on twitter and starting fights is 100% accurate characterization. it's the type of thing you don't think about, but when it happens you're like. yeah Of Course He Would Do That.

[kingtheghast]

woah crazy story

(text version below)

AITA for killing my boss even though he asked (before anyone comes for me he’s fine now)

so i (33M, green) got hired by this guy (45M, green now red) running an enchanting business because i accidentally used his things when i saw his stuff laying around as he was still working on his shop. i was just in it to sort of repay the service i used but then we became friends. thing is he also had these really sketchy guys from the desert that wanted to undercut him hard by taking over the business and all his enchants, and they would keep perstering him about it, breaking and entering, etc etc (my boss wasn't the type of guy to stick up for himself very much so it kind of happened a lot).

but the big thing was when they planted a bomb at the entrance to the building where the shop was. this pissed my boss off a lot because they made him go from green to yellow, and he said he had a plan, but he wouldn't tell me what it was.

and then one day he comes out with a really nice axe that he gifts me (i thought it was cool) but then it turns out he'd basically built a sacrificial altar in the patio outside the shop (not cool). then he turns to me, and asks me to kill him. i didn't want to do it because i'm green and he's yellow but he's also my boss and im supposed to listen, and then he's also my friend so i decided to trust him on this and so i just went along and cut off his head.

and now EVERY friend of my boss is blowing up my messages asking why i did that. i tried to say that i had no choice because he literally told me to do it and he's just on red now, not permadead, but nobody wants to believe me and i think there's someone already coming over. they're my boss' friends but also if they try to get at me i will fight back. but also it would make my boss upset and he trusts me a lot. i feel bad for killing my boss but he told me to do it so i don't think it's wrong?

aita?

[cuckooclocktopus]

lottieshauna is so funny to me its like: AITA? I (F17) am pregnant and giving birth to my child. For context, I had sex with my best friend's boyfriend and it killed her in the process. I now have to perform a live birth in the middle of nowhere due to my plane crashing with several of my teammates. So, my teammate (F17, let's call her L) has been weirdly obsessed with my baby. She keeps whispering to it while I'm asleep, and insisting that it's "our" baby. It almost sounds like she wants to father my child??? The other night, L was going on one of her tangents and I yelled at her to stop obsessing over my baby. Everyone, including my friend is mad at me for snapping at her. I don't see how I did anything wrong. Does anyone else find her behaviour weird?

[conarcoin]

it genuinely is worrying how people online use "grooming" to refer to any inappropriate behavior and it leads to a bunch of young adults paranoid of "accidentally grooming" younger friends when that's not something that's possible.

not every inappropriate behavior between adults and minors is grooming, grooming is the deliberate act of trying to gain someone's trust in order to coerce them into sexual or romantic relations

[the-weakest-twink]

I think AITA would be better on tumblr bc you see a lot of posts like "I'm a landlord and my tenant stopped paying rent and stabbed me, was I the asshole for evicting them?"

And only tumblr would come to the correct conclusion that the tenant was cool and right, all landlords are assholes for rent seeking and that Mao had some good ideas.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for jerkin' it to Goya's Black Paintings?

Emojis for convenience and humor: 🎨🖼🍆💦

I know someone's gonna yell bait about this but idc, like, what? Do you want proof? Video evidence? Grow up.

So I (30x) really like Goya's Black Paintings. Like, Saturn Devouring His Son, Duel with Cudgels, A Pilgrimage to San Isidro. I think they're hypnotic, beautiful, evocative. They make me feel emotions I can't quite explain properly.

As the title says, sometimes I beat my meat to them. Whatever. It's not really about horniness. But the intent doesn't matter.

Recently (in a discussion about sexuality in art, I promise it was relevant, similar sentiments were being shared) I mentioned to my partner (33nb) that I do this. They were pretty taken aback.

Apparently, they find this 'gross' and 'kind of dodgy' because Goya's black paintings were never intended to be shared with a wider audience. They were art that he did not mean to share, painted on the walls of his house near the end of his life. They say it seems like the work is too personal to jerk off to, that it seems invasive or like a violation.

I don't think it's a big deal. The guy is dead, it's not like his ghost knows what I'm doing. It's a good thing to consider, but I don't think it ultimately matters, ethically.

So, I guess AITA for this?

[amazing-spiderlad]

Aita for breaking up with my boyfriend over a chess game?

All names are changed for privacy reasons. So for some background, I (M40s) recently divorced my wife, "Tina" (F40s), because she caught me in bed with my now boyfriend, "Will" (M30s), and I decided to finally come out as gay and have a life with him, we've been together for ten months at the time of writing this. Tina and I have a son together, "Joshua" (M11). She recently started a new relationship too, with my former therapist, "Michael" (M40s).

Today Will and I were playing chess, and I was helping him by giving instructions and tips on which moves to make, since I'm better at it than he is. Well, we started a new game and I let him go first. After a few turns, he asked me to let him win and I agreed (Note: I wasn't really paying attention to what he was asking, and I also didn't think he would actually be able to beat me), and he won the game.

Now, here's where I might be the asshole- I lost my patience with him at this point and we both stood up, then I threw several pieces of furniture at him, which I admit, wasn't polite, and I probably could've handled it better, but I wasn't thinking straight in that moment. I then went off and brought him his suitcase, and he left.

To add insult to injury, I later received a letter in the mail, which I opened to find an invitation to Tina and Michael's wedding. I was unaware that the two were engaged and I went to speak to them about it. I may or may not have once again lost my temper and ripped up the invitation I had been sent, and then things escalated and I ended up hitting Tina, which I felt bad about immediately after I did it, but Michael made me leave. This happened in front of Joshua if that makes a difference.

So, AITA?

[incorrectbatfam]

So I (24F) just moved to Gotham and something kept knocking against my fire escape so I removed it entirely. Then last night I heard a yell and two minutes later Batman came knocking at the door asking if I could put it back because it's "obstructing justice" or whatever but I really don't wanna.

[jemgirl86]

Bucky trying to explain why he jumped out that plane, without a parachute, just to follow Sam: