#again im not tagging everyone lmao
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It’s been a minute, (both post wise and design wise) so decided to update the fam + a couple additions compared to last time
#batman#batfam#dc#art#my art#redesign#again im not tagging everyone lmao#but yeah for main changes other than just tweaking the faces and hairstyles a bit#changed harper up to look a little more like her live action actress#not that ive Watched that show but the actress was v pretty#changed up jasons scarring for ease of drawing#gave cass some punky streaks#gave damian a little bit of a mohawk like i have in his ‘adult self as nightwing’ art#i dunno i like drawing those two a little more alt#but yeah it was mostly just fixing some facial proportions and hairstyles to make em all a little more distinct from one another#apologies for not posting ive mostly just been doing stuff for dnd#none of which is polished#also i should specify its helena wayne-kyle not helena b#did also fix her age
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hi the literal whole entire reason i made these was bc i watched this 10 sec clip on youtube pls watch
youtube
#illustration#csp#pixel art#digital art#grima#grima wormtongue#lotr#lord of the rings#saruman#video#my art#sorry this kind of ooc anachronism is the funniest shit in the world to me#these are the least visually connected sequential drawings ive done lmao 🤣 but its how i see it in my head lol#the sudden american accent really adds to the humor for me as well lmao#i got stuck on the 2nd piece for so long but now im really happy w it ^-^ dont let your dreams be dreams ig 💗💗#sometimes you have to just draw it over from scratch lol#also happy news im employed again!! yay money!! but now i have less time for drawing ToT booo capitalism!!#🙏 i will do my best to keep drawing despite it all everyone pray for me lmao 💗💕#also im so certain that everyone in the grima tag has already seen this vid alkfjl dont mind me digging it up lmao i am easily entertained
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really cringe but i wanted to test out how to do an animatic again and the only clip i had was this one from pearl
i have not . touched anything moving in so long oh god
#this took like 30 mins dfjkdffd#the other 30 was searching up how the hell the animation timeline worked in csp again#this is definitely way more chibi...stylized than i would like but i also draw way too slow and im not going to do all that just for a test#sighhh#i need to learn how to animate for real this time#it was my promise to myself now that i bought a display tablet lmao#everyone here will be forced to come along the ride of me learning how to animate#yay!!!! totally not embarrassing whatsoever#my art#eydimvs#<- temporary tag until i find a better sounding one
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au where moon fills in while sun is "on vacation" and nothing bad happens
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#moondrop#not tagging anyone else bc its not abt them#however..... nessa is also here :)#i sorta debated on if i should post this or not but i put too much effort into that image id to not post it now#more likely than not you wont really hear about this au again HDJSJGJSJFA since idk how to write and i draw very slowly#but ummm just imagine it in your head ^_^ or dont ._.#most of these r just silly doodles anyway#also SURPRISE!!! my last art post was actually just a PART OF THIS SKETCH PAGE ALL ALONGGG#btw ty everyone for leaving such nice comments on that post :] i rlly do appreciate them a lot....#i hope this post is just as good even if there's not as much leniency in it's meaning#and i hope this au actually does sound somewhat cool??? and that its not too unoriginal??????#there's not really much of a story being told here but HFJSJGJ... you get the themes. im sure you do#im gonna go to bed now LMAO
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hey i had a wild and crazy idea, just bear with me here bro, but maybe if you're beetlebabes dni you should try not going in the tags constantly to announce that to everyone who is the exact thing you're trying not to interact with. idk just a thought! like consider that we all know you exist, no one who has shipped beetlebabes for any amount of time is unaware that there are people who find the pairing and the people who ship it disgusting. i know that this new film must have all of yall huffing massive amounts of copium to deal with it all, but you could also just, yknow, not interact with it at all. not talk about it. stay in the lane of things you actually like instead of treading on other people's fun bc your disgust with it makes you feel entitled to try to shut it down. just put it in your bio if you feel that strongly about it and move on with your life maybe? choose happiness instead of bitterness? focus on improving yourself and your life instead of trying to play fandom cop every day? just thoughts, do with them what you will!
#beetlebabes#beetlejuice x lydia#once again antis go wandering into the exact places they claim to hate#yelling at everyone to 'dni' despite literally being in the middle of the function#like what do yall think is going to happen??#if you don't like it go away???#im just so tired of these people lmao it's been like 10 years of this now#every day im blocking some new anti that's made their way into the tags yelling DNI DNI#this new movie has them FUCKEd up but that's not OUR problem ok lmao#tbh tho ive always found it kind of hilarious that people are that opiniated about it in the first place#it doesn't even really rank up there with the most problematic ships
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The brainrot continues (Blame @vesperionnox and @cherrysherin we are dragging the whole server down with this au)
Part 1
#desert duo#LoSBotwAU#grian#goodtimeswithscar#pearlescentmoon#solidaritygaming#desert duo au#totk spoilers#if you squint#my art#isdoodles#i thought i got over this -> gets dragged back into this au immediately upon one mention#i really should have a tag for this au but i have no idea LMAO IT HAS PPL FROM HC EMPIRES AND LIFE SERIES HOW ARE U SUPPOSED TO NAME IT#the struggle has been resolved: jimmy is now a rito because canary dying first is just too good#scheduled so i dont procrastinate on posting this again#tumblr only bc bless tumblr for accepting more than 4 images <3 i have no idea how to post these on twt so nope LOL#(edit: nvm i caved im still gonna post some)#goddamn i need to get in the habit of posting more or THEY ALL PILE UP#OFOJASIOEJEKALJKSJ IM SO NORMAL OVER THIS AUUUUU#tho it has been slowing turning from desertduo angst into we must draw everyone in this au and put grian in links every outfit#still id call that a win#and btw feel free to send me any ask about this au ill be happy to answer HASJAHHAS#insanity in a nutshell: whatever this is#yeah idk what the dark link one means either idk enough about his lore to make sense of it HELPDDP#THE CRISIS HAS BEEN RESOLVED IT HAS A TAG NOW CHECK IT OUT HEHEHEHRH#yep its just the legend of scar we are geniuses LMAOAOAO
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a birthday wish
#rhythm doctor#the intern#my art#internbot#polyrhythmcule#im not tagging everyone again LMAO imagine there are 40 tags for every character lol
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what if hyper light drifter? what then?
#rising from the fucking dead to complain AGAIN#not abt hld dont worry i love this game#but everyone on instagram is moving to cara and i made an account and all the stuff over there is like? professional level stuff#like painted fully rendered pieces and shit and like? im not gonna post my silly fanart bullshit over there?? like its so? idk#i dont wanna say unwelcoming because thats not what im trying to say but it like#i dont feel comfortable posting over there cause my stuff is so different than the stuff thats being posted and its scary??? idk#it's a very “”“adult artist”“” like “ive been perfecting my painting style for 20 years” feeling idk man#anyway i have a bunch of stuff that i just havent had the energy to post so get ready for that#o and happy pride lmao ok#rhqnk u for coming to mt tedbtakk#wasting time tryina think of a fanart tag#hyper light drifter
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kara i wanna know allllll about your reg. tell me EVERYTHING <3
so obvs canonically pretty much the only thing we know about reg is his betrayal of voldemort and the cause etc etc so i like to centre that in most of my thoughts about him……
he joins the death eaters bc he’s a loser w a freakish voldemort obsession who has like three friends and bc he’s lonely and he hates sirius and he wants to spite him by joining the group to which he’s so opposed. he wants to prove sirius wrong and prove himself right and i believe wholeheartedly that, even if he was influenced somewhat by the way he was raised and by the circles he runs in, he joined the death eaters completely of his own volition!!! i’m passionate about this!!! i think it destroys the nuance of his character to say that he was forced to join or that he joined w the intention to betray them all along or whatever . to me, he was fucking gagging to be a death eater and he’s so smug when he’s allowed in. i picture him ranting to barty and evan about ‘the great honour that has been bestowed upon him’ whilst lovingly stroking his dark mark
anyway, then he gets scared. he’s just a boy!!! and he realises he’s in too deep when it’s far too late… to me he just can’t stand the violence of the death eaters. like he’s a blood purist and further than that thinks he personally is superior to pretty much everyone else, on account of his black blood, but he hates that he has to get his hands dirty in order to see his idealised vision of the world (sans mudbloods and blood-traitors) realised…. he’s soft and weak and squeamish and lonely and always so so miserable at all times as a rule. he also tries to hide how scared he is by being a massive bitch. classic.
then he realises that tom has a horcrux (and imo he would figure this out fairly easily after the kreacher thing, bc he’s smart but also bc tom read about them in a book in the HOGWARTS LIBRARY!! so it’s not much of a stretch to say that the same book and probs further, more detailed books would be in the library at grimmauld, likewise in most of the darker pureblood family libraries…. this is another thing i’m passionate about. horcruxes aren’t this big secret. nobody makes them bc nobody’s a fucking idiot like tom is. they’re also warned off properly by their rents. tom doesn’t have this…. ANYWAY) he realises tom has a horcrux and that the guy he’s idolised and basically sold his soul to is fucking bonkers (shameless self promo - i write a bit about this realisation in the regulus letter in my fic ‘where can i put it down?’…. makes me crazy) and he’s scared and alone and he wants out and he does the one brave thing of his life in dying…..
and he doesn’t think it’s a brave thing. he tells himself that sirius was a coward for running away and betraying them and specifically him. he tells himself he’s being brave, braver and better than sirius, when he’s like sticking it out, joining the death eaters, following the role prescribed to him, so when he decides he’s gonna go to the cave it’s like giving up, it’s being a coward, its admitting to himself that he’s never been better than sirius no matter how much he want or tries to be, it’s betraying the cause and everything he’s stood for but he HAS to do it. for sirius and for kreacher and for himself and for the chance that maybe he’s not past saving. he spends his whole life trying to be good but in the sense of behaving and then his death, his first (and last) real rebellion, is the only time that he actively attempts to be good in terms of a moral act even if it has nothing to do w a renouncement of blood purity. and i don’t think he fully realises that when he does it bc it’s all so tangled up in other things. and i’m not saying that he’s like morally reprehensible the rest of the time (he’s just a boyyyy) but the majority of his active choices have been kinda bad ones up to this point even if he’s been like . passively good . and also literally just a child. an angsty teen if you will
his life is marked by inaction and bad decisions and his final act is kinda the antithesis of this and it’s tragic bc he’s not ever going to survive it. and sirius is never gonna know. it makes me miserable. does any of this even make sense lmaooo basically he’s a loser and he misses his brother and he’s so lonely and he loves sirius so much even as he hates him and he’s quiet and he wants so desperately to be a good death eater bc this is everything he’s ever wanted but he just can’t in the end!!! he’s just a boy!!! a boy who would nurse birds with broken wings back to health and cry when they flew away, a boy who would hold his brother’s hand and hang on every word he says and exist almost entirely in sirius’ shadow until said shadow is suddenly gone and he’s left reeling, a boy who’s so so soft and gentle but who hides it all behind layers of barbs and cold remarks, a boy who is desperately desperately sad and scared and GOD I LOVE HIM……
#also want everyone to know that in my first attempt at answering this ask i was drunk and falling asleep and had my eyes closed for half#the time i was typing so it was all complete nonsensical gibberish . this is a new and improved version of that x#although i am halfway to drunk again icl…. im on a camping trip w my mum and her friends…. one must drink to cope w these people#anyway!!!!#thank you lane my darling so so much for asking i love you tons and tons and i love to ramble about The Boy#sorry if this makes no sense . i’m just saying words at this point lmao#regulus black#reg#lane tag#asks <3
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𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒
hi friends ! i know i'm a bit late with my post but i still wanted to post something regardless . 2023 had been one of the hardest years of my life thus far outside of the rpc , and even in it to be honest . i lost some good friends but gained some too . i've gotten to know so many of you on a deeper level and bonded with a lot of you over shared interests . so many of you have been patient with me on this blog because of school and for that i am immensely thankful ; i know you all followed because of your interest to write and i do apologize for not being able to fully deliver that due to my busy schedule . however , i do want to allot some time this year to be better about my time management . i honestly can't wait to see what this year brings !
𝐓𝐇�� 𝐘𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡
@diaboelic : courtney . one of my best friends . i know i can write essays on why i am so happy to have you in my life but i promise i'll condense it . it's so crazy to me that we've been friends for almost two full years . it's wild because it honestly feels much longer . i know we're both busy making big moves and even if we don't talk every day i am always rooting for you . you're so down to earth and somehow understand how i'm feeling without me having to say it . please keep sending me fanart and spamming me with ig reels . i take forever to look at them sometimes but i love them !! also , im sorry you lost your streak in duolingo but i still think you're ahead of me by like 4 days everytime i do it . COURTNEY - SAN WA WATASHINO SUKINA HITORIDE ( i think this was right but probably not lmfao ) . i can't wait to hopefully explore japan with you . fingers crossed it's this year haha
@visionhcld : b , i will always write nice things about you no matter what . you've been my friend for like .... what .... this would be 6 years ?!!! GOD . you've seen the best and the worst . crazy to think that we made it !!!!! i love you so damn much and i am so lucky to have you in my life . i know we don't write a million active threads atm or talk every day like we used to , but i assure you it doesn't change our friendship . i love being able to pick up where we left off like nothing ever happened tbh . some people don't have that and tbh , i'm so fortunate to have found that with you . we have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes and years of history to pick apart but i leave you with one . jejota !!!
@fairesky : shado . we found each other through the funniest circumstances but i am so happy we did . you have been one of my closest friends these last two years and through you i met some other amazingly wonderful people ( cough leon cough ) . your kindness is immeasurable and i have truly learned so much from you because of it . you've taught me how to be nicer , how to be a better friend , how to care for others in a way i'd like to be treated , and just overall improved my life the last year with your presence . i love you so much and i'm really happy to have gotten to know you better over the course of 2023 . who else will i be an absolute simp with if not you haha
@iirath: essek , i know you're already aware but i am so damn happy to have gotten to know you better over the last year , even more so the last few months . i enjoy talking to you about life and getting to learn about who you are beyond the surface level . you're honestly SO tilt proof ( lmaoooo ) and surely never get mad when we play league . SURELY . thanks for speed running stardew valley with me and letting me run around not knowing what to do while you carry our farm to its greatest potential . you really have become one of my good friends and please know i always look forward to your good morning message in the server with the tired cat emoji haha
@shokutsus : LEON !!!!!!! ayaki will always reign supreme and have the best ship name . i will fight anyone who says otherwise . okay but let me just say i fucking love you dude . i know we haven't had a chance to have our tea talks on fortnite the last few months but i admit , those were some of my favorites . you've helped me through some really tough times and been there for me as a friend when i needed someone the most . i really enjoy thinking of the wildest plot lines for our characters while sleep deprived and playing fortnite ( tbh crackabella and anakin lore was big brained of us ) or discussing with kaine and courtney which part of the centipede we'd be . weird shit but i laugh typing it out lol . okay but fr i want this year to be the best one yet for you !! ps . send more pixel photos
@rosahope : fae , thank you for becoming one of my good friends this year . i'm so blessed to have met someone as grounded as you and i don't tell you enough . i know i'm too much sometimes and impulsive af , but you are my voice of reason and i appreciate it so damn much . you've helped me think outside the box and take things one step at a time . you're one of the realest people and i always welcome your honesty even if it's not something i may initially agree with . tbh i think that's what makes you such a good friends because you're transparent with me . i really am so happy for your big moves with your new job and i am always rooting for you no matter what !! you'll always be my chibiusa and my jessie <3
@prettyguardian : niniiiiiii . firstly , thank you for coming into my life and being such an amazing friend . i admire your tenacity , your creativity , your openness , your vulnerability . the list goes on . you've been there for me when i sought some direction in my life and for that i want to thank you . i know we have yet to write more aerti things but please know i will always gladly write them with you . you've helped me heal with ff . i know that sentence may sound silly at some level but it is a big thing . really !! your friendship has only added improvement within my life and i can't wait to see where it goes this year . sending you all the good vibes for 2024 !!
@cybrvce : light !!!! i'm so fortunate to have gotten to know you more over the last year and actually write with you . your characterization is truly amazing and i'm always impressed with everything you write . yes im slow as molasses but i promise it doesn't mean it's because i don't care !! i just want to write for you when i'm at my best because i want to give you quality writing !! thank you for being patient with me though . you're so kind <3 i'm genuinely so excited to start this year with your friendship !!
@deadn30n : LOOK HERE ALEXANDRA . YOU MADE IT ON THIS LIST BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A GEM . i know we only recently became friends but in that short amount of time we bonded by playing league for like 5 hours straight lmfao . thank you for feeling comfortable enough to ask me for advice and direction though . it means a lot to me more than you know !! also i am here to write yone and kai'sa mutually fangirling/fanboying over each other . that thread is so cute and i am excited to see where it goes . ALSO I'M A NOOB AT XIV SO YOU'VE BEEN WARNED . heck im just bad at all video games lmao . but i look forward to playing them with you !!!!
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐈 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
i can't write about everyone , but i can sure as hell tag you all . please know that even if we haven't actively written it doesn't mean i don't want to . i still support you as a writer and creator and enjoy seeing you on my dash !! i have hopes that maybe we can write some day ! but i know we're all busy or overwhelmed with things outside of the rpc so there's obviously no rush . and if we have written or talked then please know that you have truly made my experience here something amazing . i was always a bit scared to come back to such a big fandom , but so many of you have welcomed me in writing ayaka and given me the opportunity to explore her more . so thank you <3
@zaihuos , @autymns , @wcvensouls , @enjomo , @todestochter , @yizao , @ungest , @raikuro , @tealsteel , @sourcewater , @dcndrohime , @rikyos , @nekasu , @meropidas , @scarletooyoroi , @viaetor , @abyssin , @crownlcsking , @raytm , @iedolon , @noctumsilenced , @noctuafought , @capravulpes , @liightbringr , @chiheru , @foliarlight , @mercyburned , @apocryphis , @anostos , @theoneandonii , @gonguji , @sinspast , @mellodiies , @pietys , @knghted , @dualisume , @artificeheart , @erabundus , @momijiba, @supportingfire , @cloudhymn , and honestly all of you .
#˚ ༘ ❅ ⋆。˚ ꕥ ━━ ❆ ( 綾華 / ooc )#again in sorry if i missed anyone !!#i was rushing to post this before it hit jan 2 here lmao#im truly big fans of you all and hope this 2024 is off to a good start !!#may 2024 be kinder to everyone in the rpc#edit: so i couldn't tag a lot of blogs bc tumblr wouldn't let me so i actually had no choice but to condense it A LOT#ugh im sorry to anyone i left out !!!
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no one except the tumblr moash enjoyer squad is talking about how elhokar imprisoned moash’s best friend as well as his grandparents…..
#like im sorry but before dalinar stepped in elhokar was calling for kaladin’s execution#so like okay sure. when elhokar did the first thing he was young and stupid and influenced by roshone.#when elhokar imprisoned kaladin he was a grown ass 30 year old man tho.#like i don’t mind the argument that elhokar changed in general but arguing his actions when he was young were purely BECAUSE he was young?#that’s not going to fly. elhokar decided he wanted to change at the end of wor and didn’t really meaningfully start#until he was close to his death anyway#everyone is always like ‘noooo elhokar was changing’ moash didn’t know that. like do i think he would care? prolly not lmao.#but he didn’t. so using ‘elhokar wanted to be better’ instead of ‘people shouldn’t be murdered even if they’re an active fuck up’#is a bad argument. but then again if you don’t like moash you have zero reason to make the second argument because it also applies to him#anyway ignore these tags sorry for talking about elhokar again#old man yells at cloud
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Ace...?? they cloned my beautiful wife...
#ace if he was born with his mother's hair but without freckles.......#this 3d intro... damn they spent their coins here but didnt age that well xd#i love how there is nearly a movie for every character that joins since usopp.... sanji got the last one. chopper has one i havent seen#and robin now.... i mean its not their movie but you know what i mean#zoro and nami on the same wavelength i miss you.... my fag and hag sisters....#robin old design i miss you.... her and nami look so different.... not like now....#I MISS CHOPPER OLD DESIGN HE LOOKS SO SILLY!!!#the goofy scenes are too good..... 'luffy what are you doing''nothing just a fight' 'okay dont get lost'#also sanji with robin and nami while the others fight... the girls AND sanji#this guy looks like ace with his kinds long middle part hair and eyes.... and luffy likes seeing hum fight#i am seeing things where there are non but my beautiful not dead yet wife keeps haunting me once again#seeing luffy talk about how if he dies fighting to be pirate king then so be it and like HE DID!!!! AND THAT DIDN'T STOP HIM!!#kids with guns TUN TUN kids with guns TUN TUN#robin made a gigantesco mano.... this was visionary#ROBIN giving back the gun to the child so he shoots luffy and he can bounce it back.... luffy enabler num 1.#nami threatening a child with zoros sword.... i needed this so bad.#shryer.... your drip too hard.... your swag too different.... your smoke too hot.... they will kill you#NOOOOOOO the clone of my beautiful dead wife died just like him.... face down...#the old man is dying and zoro knows....#shryer is alive who woulda thot.....#'be serious' 'im always serious... didnt i get out?' this is him. omg#sanji with the cooking hacks for the fight.... i am sure of it... also sanji spy come back to me....#THE BOY IS THE SISTER??? AND THE OLD MAN AND ACE CLONE ARE BLOWN UP???#it is flour lmao they got their ideas from the fight with crocodile#everyone is alive and well 👍🏻including the hat#that was kinda beautiful with that plot twist and everyone wanting to live and all....#nami strangling zoro!!!! more!!!#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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"Willow is a bad character because she's a mary sue" me when I missed the entire point of the show
#scrolling her tag and going insane#side note there is apparent a toh cr1t tag#I will not look at it for annoying takes to make fun off (affirmations)#at least i won't tonight who knows what the future holds#anyway im obsessed bc they were like#'imagine if willow was just a fan character in fanfics you'd all think she was pretty cringe huh'#NUHUH IM NORMAL UR WATCHING THE CRINGE CULTURE TOWARDS HARMLESS THINGS IS STUPID SHOW#also jesus fucking christ do you honestly think that a disabled coded woman of color being a badass is somehow overdone#like the reason ppl criticized MS's in the first place is bc we rlly do not need another white abled girlypop to be the super magical#chosen one and never be in the wrong ever#disabled ppl and woc don't GET that fantasy#also her powers aren't disproportionate to the universe at all#yes she gained a lot of power in two months but she's spent the past several years repressing her very potent magic to mold herself to#other ppls expectations the whole fucking thing is a metaphor for how disabled ppl who now have accomodations/can live their life on their#own terms do much better much faster than people give them credit for#and once again she's really powerful yes but she was for example nothing compared to Darius#she doesn't take on a coven head (though a battle between her and Terra would have been super interesting) and win and she can take care of#1-2 coven scouts on her own but needs support and help from others#if there are more of them#ALSO EVERYONE ELSE GETS MORE POWERFUL ALSO#why isn't Amity a mary sue for going from only making small abominations and needing a training wand to being like the 3rd strongest#abomination magic user? bc shes white?#their main complaint seemed to be that willow demasculated hunter tho#so like#lmao cope. seethe.
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who up traveling they octopath
[ID: 2 images. the first is a whisper post of a cowboy sitting sadly with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in one of his hands. the caption is "is it really possible for a emo girl and a country boy to be in a relationship?" the second is a traditionally sketched redraw of alfyn from octopath traveler in the same pose. the text has been cut out from the original photo and overlaid. end ID.]
#was going to post this tomorrow but i got one like on the 'do you promise to fuck with my mid meme art' post preceding it. so here it is now#id added#octopath#octopath traveler#once again sorry for maintag crimes but none of my followers played this game 👍👍#lmao do i tag alfion. thats what i had in mind if you dont see my vision#also directors commentary. why is his outfit so complicated you didnt need to do all that bro#look up fully rendered art of everyone. think about how YOU would draw his knee high boots#seriously what the hell is going on w those#i went on a 24 hour sidequest to figure out how to draw his hair and now i have a crush on him. love and light#i have redraws of other peoples art that look really good but obviously im not gonna post those yk#alfyn hair drawing sidequest also coincided w my 5.5 hour shift today so you KNOW i was rotating him in my mind#i was 3ish hours in and suffering bc i didnt bring lunch#straight up i was like i know im tired. but what would alfyn say if i didnt smile at these kids in the pool#so i did#this isnt even about the fucking art anymore bro
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Wait shit people might actually care about me
#sorryyy for the personal posts lmao just not having a great time lately . ill go back to posting abt fandom stuff soon dw#hopefully the self loathing phase is over now cuz i really didnt enjoy that!#mf got me thinking thay everyone secretly hates me n itd be better if i was dead ahahaha#but like. my friends talk to me daily. my mutuals love me. i didnt go to school for like 3 days and my classmate who im kindaaa friends wit#texted me saying. and i quote “Hi [name]. I know its late but i hope your doing well. Hope to cya tmr.” (the full stops symbolize each text#cuz she sent three seperate texts)#and i was just. so flabbergasted at that#i didnt rlly think anyone would really notice if i was gone#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that#i thought theyd just be indifferent to it#also i sound pathetic rn but i reread that girl's text over n over again when she sent rhat. was literally on the brink of tears#and i just. wow.#people might actually care for me. they might actuallynotice when im gone. they might actually miss me#ive been so inside my head n thinking allat bad stuff about myself that i. didnt think that people might see me differently than the way#i saw myself#really and truly i love you guys so much#even if we've never talked to each pther before or interact very little. i appreciate all of you. you guys rock#anyways aha i should stop rambling now loll. as for now i think im doing a bit better#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now#at least now i dont believe that everyone was being friends with me out of pity#thank you all for everything :')#man i need a hug rn lmao#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw self loathing#tw self destructive behavior#<- dw about the tags i dont feel/do those anymore#if you wanna talk to me abt this or just talk in general hit me up!! i love talking to ppl i dont like being alone xd#love youu <33
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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