#adult quotes

[septemberkisses]

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

[roseforviolet]

Fiona Apple (1997) ✧.*

[lilislegacy]

random pre-school mom: you are such a good dad, picking your son up from school so often

percy: well, my wife and i switch off depending on our schedules. she’s here the other half of the time

random pre-school mom: that’s so generous of you!

percy, confused: uh, why? i’m his dad

random pre-school mom: it’s just so selfless! oh and your little boy is absolutely adorable. he’s the most precious thing i’ve ever seen!

percy: thanks, he looks a lot like his mom

random pre-school mom: but clearly those eyes come from you

percy: well, yeah. i mean, i am his dad

random pre-school mom, flustered: um, well, are you coming to parents night? i can show you around so you know where to go?

percy: my wife and i will be there, and we’ll figure it out. thanks though

random pre-school mom: *weird fake smiling*

[demiboydemon]

They both have weird teenage girl syndrome

[firerose18991]

Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?

Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT

Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR

*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*

Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!

Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he’s never known the touch of a woman.

[trialsofthedas]

Rook: *sneaking in through their window after a night at the villa*

Viago: *turning in their chair and flicking the light on* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Rook: I was out with Teia?

Teia: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

[withinsight-motivation]

[yellowwwcrayon]

live footage of Deadpool snatching Logan from his universe:

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: Bed by 9, no sugar, no scary movies, no world domination. Got it?

Thomas Wayne Junior, professional (and extremely unreliable) uncle: Aye aye boss

TJ literally two hours later, watching 10 year old Dick steal the Batmobile to hunt Zucco down:

[roseforviolet]

The love witch (2016) ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

[lilislegacy]

percabeth daughter, to her friend: so this is my house. make yourself at home. luckily my older brothers aren’t home, so it’s actually peaceful for once

friend: that’s goo- oh my god! there are two people in your backyard trying to kill each other!

percabeth daughter: huh? oh, no those are my parents. they’re just sparring, don’t worry

friend: sparring? with… a giant knife and… a sword?

percabeth daughter: well they practice hand to hand combat too, but weapons practice is important

friend:

percabeth daughter: come on! let me show you my room

friend: alr- oh my god, is that a horse in your brother’s room?

percabeth daughter, rolling her eyes: ugh mom and dad told him to keep his window closed!

friend: wait, horses just… come into your house? through the second story window?

percabeth daughter: crazy right? they don’t even ask first. like, at least have some manners!

friend:

[acomaflove]

Azriel: *sneezes and shadows come out of his nose*

Rhysand:

Amren:

Morrigan:

Cassian:

Feyre:

Nesta: ………So we are all just going to ignore that?

Cassian: Oh my bad; bless you, Azriel.

Nesta: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT

[raining-at-ease]

[zukkaart]

Toph: Zuko, don’t pretend you’re not the type of guy to keep a list of all the people you’ve slept with

Zuko: you’re right, it’s called a marriage license

Sokka and Zuko: *high five*

[here-comes-the-moose]

Wrecker: Do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Tech: You’re a hazard to society.

Crosshair: And a coward, do twenty.