#acutally dissociative

[there-will-be-a-way]

DID / OSDD ask game

🌲 How has your numbers of parts changed over time?

🌻 Favorite quote from a part.

🌾 Any songs you relate to DID / OSDD?

🌙 Share a special relationship between parts.

🌊 Any inside jokes in your system?

🌺 Describe one part of your inner world.

🌍 Can you change your inner world and access it freely?

🐛 Which part made a lot of progress?

🍂 Did a fusion happen in your system?

☀️ How do you all prefer to communicate?

🌱 How open are you about your DID / OSDD?

🌄 Did you ever went through phases of denial?

🗻 How much does your inner world feel like home?

🍁 How do your parts get their names?

🌈 Are there any parts who view themselves as something other than human? Or who have supernatural powers?

🦔 Are there any parts of you that you miss?

👥 Is there a person you all can be yourselves around?

🦚 Ho covered / overt is your DID / OSDD?

❔ (ask any other question)

[poognthebrainbois]

Get to Know Us!

Hey Y'all! We're the Songbook System!

Some general/collective info:

• Call us Song! (Unless we specify who's fronting)

• Collectively they/he (but feel free to ask if you don't know a headmate's personal pronouns)

• Bodily 21

• Bodily white

DNI:

• ENDOS/People who think you can choose to be a system.

(Edit: fake/"non-disordered" systems of any kind - do not fucking interact)

• People who think introjects are their source

• Anyone who uses age regression in a sexual context

• Minors just be safe and know your own boundaries. We will most likely not interact directly.

Please interact:

• Traumagenic systems

• OC writers

• DnD players

• Spn fandom

• Mlp fandom

• Fans of the MCU

• X-Men movie fans (have not read the comics but interested)

• Btvs and or general vampire fan

• Artists!

• Small critter enjoyers

• People with cats

• Shitposters

• Gay people (only the cool ones that are inclusive of aspec people)

Fronters/tags below:

Frequent Fronters/Posters:

(And their sign-offs/tags)

Hal

Werewolf Transgenderism personified. In denial half the time, of werewolf-ism and systemhood. Never our transness. If there's one thing he's sure about it's that. A bro. Needs a hug but will not ask for one.

- he/they 🏳️‍⚧️

- 21

- trans content, werewolf posting,

- 🧡

- Awoo Ahaha fuck

Echo

Genderqueer cryptid (ex-vampire??) who makes too many jokes at their own expense. Occasionally genuinely funny. Gay. RAGING BPD but that's what the therapy's for.

- they/he/ask

- 21

- vampire/death aesthetic, bats, bpd feels, whatever he finds funny

- 🦇

Poog

Lil' guy. Muppet child. Loves kibbies, mac n cheese, and our friends. Speaks in solely tumblr vocabulary. Just happy to be here! :)

- he/they

- lil guy

- mostly cute animals, very specific tumblr humor.

- 💖

- Pooger time!

Paznia

Introject of our first LARP character, looooong history as an alter in the system. Not great at socializing but tries her best. Loves bright colors and nature. Would die for the Crane Wives.

- she/xe

- hard to say. 20 ish??

- aesthetic pics, self-care, Autistic experiences, poetry???

- 💎

- Not Quite Ursa Minor

Michelle

The daughter our mother could've had. Initially a "Catty Bitch" and boundary enforcer, she's working on letting herself have feelings too. Yowch. Love her!!!!!!

- she/her

- 23

- vent posts, Girl Things™, BPD posts, Eldest Daughter trauma

- 👑

- Princess (derogatory)

Okay that's it! :)

[loveletterliom]

ELEUTHERIAN

" A member who is persecutory, angry, aggressive, or otherwise harmful (mentally or physically) because they crave freedom that they lose by being in a system. "

" For example, wanting bodily autonomy that they don't have because of the need for other members to consent, wishing they fronted more, wanting to have their own memories and thoughts, etc. They might also be a holder of these feelings for other members. "

term coined by @spacestationsystem ! we just made the flag ^_^ i don't usually do role flags so sorry if this is similar to a preexisting flag !

[gray-aroace-place]

Sorry for the lack of updates, a lot has been happening

My doctor is finally taking my mania and mood switches seriously

Now I’ve been told everyone on both sides of my family have bipolar with psychosis after having a manic/hypomanic episode for about a month straight

Several of my immediate relatives either have or are being evaluated for DID/OSDD and also hear voices

I’m not the only one in my immediate family diagnosed with severe ADHD or Autism Level 1 anymore

Holy shit I feel awful but I don’t feel alone anymore. It’s like I’ve shed my skin and I feel like I can show my true self to my family again after over a decade.

I’m not alone anymore. I was never alone to begin with. Holy shit. It’s such a relief.

[chaos-in-one]

Why have I now had 2 different people try to suggest that me not feeling like the 1a or 1b terms for OSDD fit me (don't feel alters are indistinct and have heavy amnesia) means I might have one of the other 3 forms of OSDD

Guys

OSDD-1 is the only one of the 4 with alters as a symptom. And the one I was diagnosed with because I have that symptom. Please look up what the criteria for OSDD 2, 3, and 4 are before suggesting things like that I beg

[kipskiptrip]

If I see one more person refer to OSDD as a whole as a generalization or synonym of OSDD-1B I'm going to snap the wooden bars of this cage in the enclosures of my mouth and crawl my way out of Hell to Find You.

[inlovewithairy]

hello

once again politely promoting my discord server :3 i wanna get to 150

[ghoulodont]

im actually a little surprised that no one has ever come for me about blur turns to haze. i feel like my experience of psychosis and therefore the experience i wrote is pretty atypical in a way that feels like misrepresenting sometimes but maybe the stereotypical depiction of schizophrenia is throwing me off a little

[sunspira]

girl .

[murasakikagekitsune]

My Diaracial Identities

(Image ID: A rectangular flag consisting of six vertical stripes that are white, pink, red, maroon, blue and then yellow from left to right.)

The first three stripes represent my transjapanese identity - the white and red stripes are the colours of the Japanese flag and the pink stripe is the most common colour for cherry blossoms, an iconic tree associated with Japan in spring. The second set of stripes represent my transsami identity, because the Saami people wear the primary colours on their clothing.

My Stance on Transid People

I support all transid people - race and gender are social constructs meant to confine people to certain labels; doing so by not supporting transgender and diaracial people would be eugenicist because that means labelling race with biological features only. There's also the explanations of being your transid identity in a past life or as a headmate in a system, so dismissing this would be ignoring the psychological or spiritual aspect of transid identities.

As for transids like trans medical conditions or transfaith, I believe these are good ways of describing your new faith or medical conditions as a part of self-diagnosis or self-discovery, because you have transitioned from your old state of being to your new one - in transfaith circles, I suppose it would be synonymous with the word convert. With regards to situationally exclusive medical conditions such as Acute Radiation Sickness or being an amputee, you could argue that you didn't have certain limbs or were Ukrainian or Japanese in a past life (like me - I'm transjapanese now because a past life) but the most common explanation is BID, or a medical delusion. That's not to say that I discredit people with BID - rather, I think that the medical transids are helpful in explaining BID to the general public; i.e "I believe that I have Acute Radiation Sickness because of mental health issues." Besides, if people want to live with these medical conditions (excluding Acute Radiation Sickness or terminal cancer - I honestly don't think anyone without BID or a death wish would want them) isn't that a good thing? I would rather people want a medical condition than be terrified of it.

I take much the same angle with diaracial and diaethnic people - if people want to be part of a culture, in good faith, and do their research on the customs, then it ensures that the culture doesn't die out. All groups are welcoming to outsiders if they are willing to learn. Think of it as a mass effort against racism. This is, however, different from cultural appropriation - if you pick up a First Nations' headdress, for example, because you want to wear it for Halloween and you are unwilling to learn the culture of that group, then that is racist.

[the-whumping-hour]

June of Doom Day 2: “Get in” (Survivor’s Guilt / Salve)

CW: Gangs and gang violence, acute stress disorder, brief mentions of other mental illnesses, repeated dissociation, trauma aftermath, repeated references to past murder 

Notes: All characters are roughly 18/19 here. Ayeli uses she/they pronouns. Of the mentioned-but-not-present characters, Dominic is the leader of the gang, and “Marcy” is Ayeli’s brother. This is another backstory piece (there may be a lot of these, this month, because I am trying to establish precedence for more writing on here), so take every bit of characterization with a grain of salt ;) 

Tag List: @lektricwhump

*** 

He tells the story differently every time. Sometimes he heard the sound of the safety clicking off ahead of time, sometimes he dove to the ground, sometimes the bullet grazed him while shielding Emir as the other boy tried to crawl away from the line of fire. 

Sometimes he doesn’t remember anything at all. That’s the most truthful retelling. 

“Noah?” Ayeli's voice is soft at the door. He can picture her fingers poised on the doorknob, the way she would lean her forehead against the wood for a moment as if sending a prayer off for him. 

“Come in.” Noah keeps his voice quiet, swallowing and pushing back the tears burning the corners of his eyes. They can’t know that he was crying again, they can’t see him like this. They wouldn’t ever be able to love him if they saw him like this. He doesn’t look up at the sound of their footfalls crossing the room, nor when the bed dips with their weight, when their arms wrap around him. The smell of gunpowder lingers in the air between them. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”  

“No.” 

There are no more words spoken between them for all the time it takes for him to get the confidence to wipe the faintest tear tracks away.  

“Dominic got a jacket for you. Bit of a different make than mine, ‘cause apparently the guy who made them left the city last month, but it’s basically the same thing. You are the new generation, after all.” A hint of amusement lingers on her lips. He can almost see it. 

“You’re what, half a year older than me?” 

“Been in the gang longer though. I’ve got experience under my belt.” They squeeze his shoulder. “Come on. Dom’s gonna be pissed if another one of his new recruits gets depression.” 

It had been less than a year since he left home. Less than a year and already he was one with the city, always dodging the bigger fish in the pond, laughing with his friends and clambering onto the top of trains to see who could write their name closest to the edge. He hadn’t thought that night would be different. Nothing was different except for the gunfire that followed. 

“I found him!” Her carefree teasing is restrained, but not enough for Noah to not get butterflies. “Think he got lost.” 

“In his own head, maybe.” Julian’s mouth is half-covered by his hand as the other one spins the tab on a can of soda. “Leave the boy alone, he’s been through a lot in the last two weeks.” 

“Haven’t we all?” Ayeli bends a finger and suddenly the TV is turned on. “When did Dom say he wanted to meet up again?” 

“Eighteen-thirty. We’re having a ceremony.” Julian’s fake jazz hands that accompany the word only add to the levels of other-ness that Noah’s been feeling in the past dozen days he’s been with the gang. He still pretends to not feel the way that Julian’s eyes often bore into the back of his head when he’s not looking. Ayeli says he has hypervigilance; Noah says he has creepy as f*ck disorder.  

“Can you drive me to pick Marcy up from school first?” 

The conversation drops out of Noah’s ears. 

He remembers the pain, at least. The burning across the side of his arm, his feet forcing him still for only half a second before running, and there were screams around him and some of them were his own. He’d come back later to look at the bodies. To confirm what he already dreaded. In the moment, though, he didn’t know who it was, he didn’t know where he was going, he just knew he needed to leave.

He was the only one who survived. 

“Hey, hey boy. Snap out of it.” 

He’s seated on the couch now. Julian’s waving fingers in front of his face.  

“Where is... what...” 

“Sometimes that happens,” Ayeli’s next to him now, where did they come from, what? “You’re here. You’re here. Just dissociation.”  

A jingle plays on the television. He feels like he’s floating. 

“Hey, the three of us... we could make, like, a club. Weird trauma club.” Ayeli’s hand is back around his shoulders, and Julian’s wandered back to the floor. And Noah is here. He’s here.  

And Ayeli keeps talking. “I’d be the leader. They say I got a complex stress disorder. It’s from all the—” 

“Noah.” Julian cuts in abruptly. Noah’s almost thankful for it. “How’s your arm?” 

“It’s... it’s feeling better.” The sting of the memory cuts through again. He can’t do this now, he’s here. “I think the stuff is working.” 

“Good.” Julian stands up again now, walking over to the kitchen. “I’m gonna reapply it. Allie, get me a new bandage.” 

The use of a nickname almost angers Noah. Almost. They’re friends, they’ve been through so much, it makes sense. But he’ll never be like that. He’ll always be the ‘new recruit’ until the next kid comes along. It’s awful. He has no one. 

He had them before. But now they’re dead. 

He was hiding in a dumpster when they found him. It was some territorial attack, they said, it wasn’t personal. And of course it wasn’t personal. He’d never hurt anyone, not for real. They were scouting out the damage, trying to plan retaliation. He just happened to be in the middle. They offered him a place, but he would be just another member, just a new recruit.  

He accepted. 

“Good Kings, kid, reposition yourself—” 

“Julie, be nice to him. He keeps zoning out.” 

“Well it’s not my fault.” 

Noah is here. He’s here, he’s back, he’s here. 

The salve burns on his arm. 

“We’ve got you, Noah. We’ve got you.” Her voice is soft like her hands are. She begins neatly wrapping a fresh bandage. “You wanna go back upstairs now? Dominic told us not to overwhelm you too much. You should feel better in a few weeks.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure. Thanks.” His voice sounds hollow as they pull his shirt sleeve back down. Julian pats his shoulder. 

“You need anything, just let us know, ‘kay? We’re here for you.” 

Here for him. They’re here for him.  

They might be the only ones. 

[poognthebrainbois]

If one more person asks about "the voices" in my head I am going to commit atrocities--

THEY ARE NOT VOICES!!! THEY ARE WHOLE ENTITIES!!!

Even if you don't see your parts as individual people, they are still more than just voices!!!!! Some of them don't even HAVE a voice!!!!

They are so much more than just "voices" that talk to me, and they are certainly not all "evil voices that are mean to me"

They are personifications (or generally physically representations) of parts of my psyche!!!

They are not hallucinations! I do not see them outside of my body! I am seeing them in my head while looking at the world outside!!! That's how imagination works!!! (Not including aphantasia)

I was put on Zyprexa "to make the voices go away" AND IT DIDN'T WORK BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT VOICES!!! I AM NOT PSYCHOTIC!!!

(This is not meant to be dismissive of actual psychotic disorders/things of that nature, just that that is not what I am experiencing)

[wyllimenagrange94]

Hi everyone!

I thought I’d do a proper alter introduction—we are relatively new to the HellishRebukeSystem. I am not sure what my purpose is, other than—it appears over the last few days—to force some relaxation and to, you know, get ready for a stressful family trip. For awhile Graham was in charge of stuff like that, but he seems to be under some kind of stress of his own; he’s really not communicating much with us lately. Anyway, that’s beside the point.

My name: Wyllimena

Age: 40

Interest: Reading (fantasy, sci-fi, horror), Movies, TV, and Music

Favorite Animal: Bunny Rabbits and Slugs

Music: Alt./Goth Rock

Hobbies: Puzzles (Cryptograms, Word Searches, Wordoku, Whodunnits, etc.), Solo-RPGing, Chatrooms, Coloring, Crafting, and Collecting.

Favorite Movie: That’s a hard one but probably Adaptation.

Favorite Song: Moon Song by Phoebe Bridgers

Favorite Collectible: Posters/Craft Kits/Home-made Art

Sexuality: Lesbian

Pronouns: She/her

Relationship: Inner-system dating with Hanna.

I think that is everything. I’m open for messages or questions or anything really—I’m looking for friends—and I prefer they be 21 and older. No minors. I love all kinds of stuff and am still exploring the world. Body is 31 years old. Am looking for discords and things to join. Would love to be a member of a book club or online role playing group or equivalent. Writing groups also appreciated.

Best,

Wyllimena

[floralasterism]

Coming to terms with the fact that the way I react to various things is maybe concerning

[appreciatingtokrev]

me trying to figure out if i’m getting sick or if i’ve been having a still on-going anxiety attack for the past 20 minutes while also in an episode of dissociation in which nothing feels real anyway