#actually. pedro pascal as Harm.....

[aidenwaites]

Whatever the mandalorian is doing The Vagrant trilogy did it with a goat so idk I think I know which one I prefer

[afictionaladventure16]

Ahh im a sucker for angst😭i think pedro would be the most amazing dad but maybe a fic where reader was an unplanned kid and pedro never paid that much attention to her ?? Happy ending if you can i love your writing !

Did You Forget? (Pedro Pascal x Daughter!Reader)

A/N: I'm a sucker for angst too!!! Hope you enjoy this!

A/A/N: Also, for everyone, Don't quote me on where his sister lives or anything like that, I do not know and do not wish to know for their privacy. It's all fiction, so not everything is gonna be realistic.

Word Count: 5,283

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of self harm, depression, and panic attacks.

“I think I’d rather stay home,” you said to your Tia Javeria, you sat down on your bed in protest. You were being sent to spend the day with your dad while he did a press junket for his newest show The Last of Us, you had gotten out of school early for this. Much to your protest, your tia thought it was a good idea for you to spend some quality time with him since you really only saw him in the summers when you spent your summer vacation in New York with him. 

Throughout the school year, you stayed in California with your Tia Javeria. Your dad thought it would be wise for you to have a stable environment, rather than constantly being on the road for filming or switching schools because you would have to stay with Javeria. So, in reality, Javeria had full custody over you, it wasn’t something that was through the court, it was just an agreement between the siblings. 

What did this mean? You didn’t see your dad too often. Of course, he stayed in California from time to time, he had his own house here, but even then you never stayed with him. 

“Y/N, we’ve already spoken about this,” Javeria said, walking into your room to put some clothes away. 

You did speak about it, well, she spoke and you listened. Javeria didn’t like seeing her brother neglect his only daughter and well, although Pedro was a family man, he treated his daughter like she was never there. Javeria could never understand why he did it and if she tried to call him out on it, he denied the fact that he was doing it. 

She thought that maybe she was overreacting, but it was hard to ignore the facts. 

You let out a deep sigh, your dad played a good father on T.V. but it hurt that he couldn’t actually play your father in real life. “Does it even matter at this point?” You asked. 

“Does what even matter?” 

“Trying to build something that obviously isn’t there.” 

Javeria sighed, “He’s trying.” 

You shrugged, “I still think he’s just doing it to give him a good image.” You heard the doorbell ring. 

“That’s him,” Javeria stated, “I really need you to try, Y/N.” 

You wanted to say something clever or petty, but you kept your mouth shut. You respected your tia too much to say it, but you couldn’t help but feel hopeless. Javeria was the only true parent that you had in your life right now and it was sad for you to admit it. 

Following Javeria to the front door, you stood off to the side as you watched your dad greet his sister with a big hug. “There she is!” He exclaimed, “You ready? We can’t be late.” 

You gave him a nod, walking up to your tia for her to kiss you on the cheek. You didn’t receive a hug like she did, but you were used to it. You walked past your dad and towards his car that was in the driveway. 

“Be easy on her,” Javeria began, “She’s had a rough week.” 

Pedro sighed, “You say that every time I pick her up.” She gave her brother a sincere look, “Just stating the facts. I’ll bring her back around six.” 

The drive to the press Junket was quiet, your dad played the radio as he drove, not saying a word to you. 

Not a ‘How was your day?’ 

Or a ‘How’s softball going, kiddo?’ 

Nothing like the dads on those sitcoms. 

Nothing like the dad in your dreams. The one that would actually be present in your life. 

Maybe it was hard for people to ask how you are or to even make conversation. 

Once you arrived at your dads' press junket, you watched your dad be swept away by a makeup artist. 

“Y/N!” his manager said walking up to you, “so good to see you! How you’ve been?” Or maybe it wasn’t that hard at all. 

“Okay,” you said with a small smile. 

“Come on, I’ve got to introduce you to Bella!” You knew who Bella was, well, you knew about them. You’ve never met them before, but you’ve heard stories, mostly from your father, and boy did he speak so highly of them. “Bella!” Scott called out, you watched as Bella walked towards the two of you. “Bella, this is Y/N, Pascal’s daughter!” 

“Pascal’s daughter?” Bella questioned, but then a second later realization struck. “Oh, I totally forgot Pedro has a daughter! It’s so nice to meet you!” 

You forced a smile on your face, even though deep inside you were breaking. Here was Bella, they were the ones that you felt replaced you. They were the ones that your father spoke so highly about as if it was his own child. Yet, you were so forgettable, why? Because you knew your father didn’t speak so highly about you. 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you smiled. 

“Are you excited to see the show?” They asked. 

“Uh- yeah, I mean, I’m a big fan of the game.” 

“Oh yeah, Pedro told me you were,” They said. Someone began calling for Bella, it was time for their interview. They said a quick See you later before walking off. You walked over to the side and saw that your father was already sitting down on a chair next to Bella’s. 

Over the next few minutes, you watched as your father spoke among side Bella in an interview. You couldn’t help but feel jealous as your father laughed with Bella the way you wished he did with you. 

“Pedro, what made you take this role?” 

He laughs, “my nephews actually, they’re huge fans of the show and well, when I told them about the part they told me I had to take it.” 

You felt like your memories were lies, you remembered how your dad got the part and that moment was one of the only moments in which you felt like your dad actually cared. Now it was taken from you. All the moments you had left were from you were younger and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold onto them because you felt them slipping away. 

One of the crew told everyone to take a break while they set up for the next interview. You felt anger boiling up inside you, you couldn’t handle this any longer. You couldn’t handle watching Bella talk with your dad the way you wish you could or how he treated you the way you wished to be treated. It was all too much. 

“We have about fifteen minutes-” Your dad began to say to you, but you quickly pushed past him. “Y/N?” He called out. 

You ignored him, making your way towards the hallway, but Bella stepped in front of you, “Hey, Y/N, everything okay?” 

“How about you just stop stealing other people’s dads and maybe everything will be okay!” you snapped. You couldn’t believe that you snapped like that, it wasn’t your character and for a moment you felt embarrassed. 

“Y/N!” your dad yelled. 

But that embarrassment was quickly replaced with anger again. You ignored your dad as you walked into the hallway and out of the building. You heard the door open behind you, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” your dad exclaimed. 

“Me? What the hell is wrong with me!?” You yelled. “How about, what the hell is wrong with you!?” Your dad rolled his eyes, “You know what, forget it! I didn’t even want to be here today.” 

“Fine,” He snapped, “I told Javeria this was a bad idea anyway!” He pulled out his phone. 

“I fucking knew it! I knew you never wanted to spend time with me!” The anger took over and you didn’t try to stop it. 

“Well, how could I!? You’re so impossible to deal with!” He yelled. 

“Then it’s your fucking lucky day because you won’t have to deal with it much longer! I’m leaving!” you began walking away. 

“Don’t expect me to run after you,” He said. 

“I don’t!” you heard him sigh and then you heard the sound of the door opening and closing. He wasn’t running after you and you felt okay with that, for the moment. You walked yourself over to the bus stop, your adrenaline still running in your veins. Anger still boiling, you wanted to punch a wall or a tree, but you knew it wasn’t the wisest thing to do. 

The bus didn’t take long to arrive and luckily you had enough change in your pocket to make it home. Well, you had enough to go to the stop near your home. 

Your mind wandered to what had just happened with your dad, was it even worth calling him dad at this point? Because he didn’t feel like a father. 

A father was someone who was there for your children and he wasn’t. 

Well, he was, but then he wasn’t. He stopped. It felt like Thanos had snapped his fingers on your earth and your father turned to dust, only, he didn’t turn to dust, he just stopped showing up. 

He wasn’t there for your award ceremonies anymore, or any of your games. 

The spot next to your tia was now filled with a black silhouette in which you imagined him there. You began to see him more and more on the television and less and less in your own life. Sure, you were happy for him to achieve his dream, but at what cost? 

Well, your dad was the cost. 

You didn’t have your mother anymore, she died when you were young. The both of you had been involved in a drunk driver accident, which left you without a mother and soon without a father. You were left without a visible scar, but the doctors forgot to check about the invisible damage that could’ve been done. 

Did anyone think to check about the invisible damage? No. Now it felt like a dam being held together with tape. 

You felt the bus come to a stop, your stop. You got off and walked the rest of the way to Javeria’s house, your house. Once you arrived, you walked in, Javeria was surprised to see you home so soon and she had expected to see her brother follow a second after you, but was met with a door slam. 

“Y/N?” she asked as she got up from her spot on the couch, she watched as you tossed your keys into the dish on the coffee table. 

“Stop trying,” you said softly, tears in your eyes. “Please.” 

“What happened?” you just shook your head, walking up to your room and slamming the door once again. Javeria had a feeling what had happened, maybe she had meddled a little too much this time. She just wanted to see her brother and niece interact the way they used to. 

A couple of hours later, Javeria was met with a knock at the door. When she opened it, she saw her brother on the porch looking angry. “Is she here?” Javeria nodded as Pedro walked in, “You wouldn’t believe what your niece did, she snapped at Bella-” 

“Your daughter,” she corrected. 

“What?” 

“You said your niece when you should’ve said your daughter.” 

Pedro pinched the bridge of his nose, “She embarrassed me Javeria.” 

She shook her head, “For some reason, I don’t blame her for what she did.” 

“What?” Pedro asked in a confused manner. 

She sighed, “Pedro, don’t you see it?” 

“See what?” 

“You’re fucking loosing her, dammit! Ever since her mother died, you’ve acted like she doesn’t even exist for fucks sake!” She exclaimed. 

Pedro knew what he was doing. Was he doing it purposely? Kind of. Well, at first he wasn’t but then the pain of seeing you and being reminded every single day of what happened, he just couldn’t help it. He didn’t want a reminder of that day, and he didn’t want to hurt you either, but he didn’t stop himself. 

“She already doesn’t have a mom and now she feels like she doesn’t even have a dad. Fuck, Pedro, she lives with me. She only sees you a good three months out of the year! Do you even know that she has to go to therapy? And it’s not just because of the accident, but it’s because she feels like you don’t love her.” 

“Javeria-” 

“No, you need to listen to me because you keep shutting me out when I tell you this. She needs her father back. She needs you, Pedro. I’m trying my best to keep her from falling apart but she’s slipping through my hands.” 

Pedro’s heart began to race, and he sat down on the couch, head in his hands, “I didn’t mean to push her away.” 

“But you did. You pushed her so far away, she’s in a different state.” 

Pedro looked up at his sister with tears in his eyes, “She has to go to therapy because of me? Why didn’t you-” 

“I tried telling you.” 

Pedro didn’t argue with her on that because she was right. He had shut her out when it came to things about you. He didn’t want to hear it, he felt like knowing anything about you was too much pain because he saw more and more of your mom in you. 

“She even started self-harming at one point, we had to hide the knives and anything that she could potentially hurt herself with. She was a mess at one point and I somehow brought her back but I don’t know for how long.” Javeria had a lot to say and she finally was able to get it off her chest. “She needs her dad, Pedro and you’ve been acting like you don’t even want her.” 

“Fuck!” He exclaimed as he got up from the couch, “What do I do?” 

“Talk to her, Pedro, and actually talk to her.” 

Pedro nodded, “alright.” He made his way up the stairs and towards your room. He was about to knock when he heard voices on the other side of the door. He leaned his ear against the door. 

“I don’t know, Marciela,” he heard you say. “Sometime’s it feels like I’m just invisible.” He didn’t hear anything for a few seconds. “Maybe you’re right,” he heard you sigh. “Do you ever think about how things would be if you didn’t exist?” you stayed quiet for a moment, “Sometimes I think my dad would be happier if I didn’t exist,” you choked out. 

“I fucked up,” Pedro whispered to himself. He stepped away from the door. He couldn’t do it. He needed time to think first. He walked back down the stairs, “I-I…” he began, “I’m gonna pick her up from school tomorrow,” he then stated. 

“What happened?” 

“I just need to think,” he said as he left the house. 

~~ 

“Sometimes I think my dad would be happier if I didn’t exist,” you choked out. 

“Y/N, don’t say that,” Marciela softly said. She had been your best friend since elementary and she has always been the first person you called when you needed someone to just listen. 

“It feels like it,” you shrugged. “You should’ve seen the way he was with her, Mar.” 

“Things are gonna get better, Y/N. Just remember how he used to be.” 

“It just makes me feel worse,” you said. She sighed, you heard someone calling her name on the other end, “Is that your mom?” 

“Yeah, I have to go, I’ll see you at school tomorrow okay?” 

“Alright.” You ended the call. 

You spent the rest of the night in your room, Javeria checked on you multiple times and although you protested, you promised to keep the door open throughout the night. Just for her to feel like you weren’t doing anything that meant hurting yourself. 

The next day at school felt like any other day. You met up with Marciela at lunch and filled her in on what had happened after the call. When the lunch bell rang, you and Marciela walked together to your next class, you were lucky to have most classes with her. 

“Well, if it isn’t little Miss Pascal,” you heard a voice say from behind you. You rolled your eyes as you turned to face Jenna. Believe it or not, the duo was once a trio. Jenna was you and Marciela’s best friend up until middle school. “I saw your daddy on HBOmax last night.” 

“Please don’t call him that,” you cringed. 

She rolled her eyes, “It’s funny how he plays the father role so well on T.V. but when it comes to real life,” she chuckles, “doesn’t it make you jealous?” 

It did, but you weren’t gonna give her that satisfaction. “I don’t know, does it make you jealous that I at least have a dad?” 

“Y/N,” Marciela warned. 

“What did you say?” Jenna asked. 

“Did I stutter?” you asked Marciela before looking back over at Jenna, “I said does it make you jealous that I at least have a dad because you know, you’re dad left before you were even born.” Jenna glared at you, “Hey, you already know I’d fight back, but I never said I’d fight fair.” 

“You’re a little bitch, Y/N. No wonder your dad never wants to be around you.” 

“Takes a bitch to know a bitch, it’s no wonder your dad left,” you turned around to walk away, but you didn’t expect Jenna to lunge at you. You fell to the ground, landing on your nose, groaning in pain you turned around to face Jenna. She was quick with her punches catching you off guard. You held up your arms to cover your face, giving you a chance to push her to the ground. 

It didn’t take long for the crowd, which was quick to surround the two of you, to draw the attention of the teachers. One of them dragged Jenna away from you as she tried to lunge toward you again. 

“Principal's office, now!” the teacher yelled as he pulled Jenna by the arm. “The rest of you get to your classes!” 

Another teacher helped you up from the ground, and you lost your balance, “Whoa, easy,” he said as held your arms.

“Holy shit,” Marcela said as she looked at the blood on the floor. 

You already knew your nose was broken, just by the throbbing feeling you had. The teacher helped you walk to the nurse's office, and she was able to stabilize your nose until someone could get you to the ER. 

You knew that someone meant Javeria. You waited in the nurse's office for the receptionist to call Javeria. Not too long after you heard the door open, footsteps soon followed. You heard someone clear their throat. 

“It wasn’t my fault, Javeria,” you began to say, looking up, but it wasn’t Javeria. It was your dad. “Where’s Tia Javeria?” 

Pedro felt his heart drop at the sight of your nose and bruised eye. He sighed, opening his mouth to speak, but the door opened and Javeria walked in. 

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed at the sight of her niece. “We’re suing!” 

You and your dad couldn’t help but chuckle at her initial reaction, “We’re not suing.” 

She looked over at her brother in disbelief, “Her nose is gonna be all crooked! We’re suing.” 

Your eyes widened, “Wait, it is?” 

Pedro rolled his eyes, “No, it isn’t.” 

Javeria sighed, “Let’s get you to the E.R.” 

“But what abou-” 

“Already dealt with,” your dad said. You shrugged, following them out of the nurse's office. You noticed that they both came in separate cars, meaning that your dad came here on his own free will. “I got it,” you heard him say. You turned around to see Javeria giving him a look, it was a look only siblings knew. Pedro nodded at her.

“Alright, I’ll see you at home then,” you watched her walk up to her car. 

“Come on,” you heard your dad say. 

You expected the car ride to the E.R. to be quiet, but you were surprised. “Looks pretty bad,” he began to say. 

“She surprised me,” you responded. 

He hummed in response, “principal is giving you a few days to rest,” he began, “I thought you and Jenna were friends though.” 

“We were friends, but we had a falling out in middle school.” 

There was that feeling again. He really didn’t know you anymore. “Really?” You nodded. This whole time he thought everything was the same with you, but little did he realize you had grown up. 

He remained quiet for the rest of the ride to the E.R. mostly because he didn’t know what to say. He was still in shock about all the information he had found out in the past twenty-four hours and he didn’t know how to talk to you. 

Once at the E.R., he made sure to help you out of the truck. He also made sure that they checked to make sure you didn’t have a concussion. They did some X-Rays and CT Scans, all highly suggested by your dad who was feeling overly anxious and kept asking the nurse to make sure to do every test. 

You didn’t know how to feel as you watched your dad suddenly act like… like a dad. 

After all the tests, the doctor came in to let you know that you had a small concussion and your nose needed to be realigned. He explained that he would numb your nose before proceeding. 

Sitting down on the exam bed, you prepared yourself for the worst. You watched as a nurse came in with a tray, setting it down on the side. You took in a deep breath when you saw the needle. Your dad quickly noticed your behavior, “hey, hey, look at me,” he said gently. You looked at him, tears welling up in your eyes, “close your eyes.” He took a hold of your hand. 

You closed your eyes, “Now talk to me about anything,” he said, trying to distract you from what was going on. He nodded at the nurse, telling her to proceed. 

“Um, well, I learned Matilda on the guitar the other day,” you began to say, eyes still closed. 

“Matilda… isn’t that the Harry Styles song?” He asked as he gently rubbed your hand. 

“Yeah, Marecela suggested it, it’s one of her favorite songs.” 

“All done,” the nurse said. 

You opened your eyes, and you didn’t feel a thing. “I forget how good that technique works,” you said as you watched the nurse walk out of the room. 

“Used to do that with you all the time when you were a kid and I took you to the doctor.” 

“I remember,” you whispered. 

He opened his mouth to speak when the door opened and the doctor walked in. “Alright, let’s see how numb you are,” the doctor said. You weren’t completely numb yet, but the doctor took that time to explain the aftercare for your nose. Once he had done the alignment he placed a splint and some packing. He handed your dad a prescription for antibiotics and sent you on your way. 

You got back in your dad's car, “I gotta go somewhere first before we pick up your prescription,” he said as he put his seatbelt on. 

“Okay.” Part of you was trying to take in what had just happened, how you were going to live with a broken nose for the next couple of months. Then the other part was just amazed at how your dad was treating you so suddenly. You were surprised he wasn’t yelling at you for what had happened yesterday. 

He drove for a while but eventually turned into a parking lot that overlooked the ocean. He put the car in park and turned the car off. You didn’t say anything at first, unsure of what you were doing there. “When your mom died, I felt like my world was crashing down,” he began to say, “but you lived and I felt like maybe everything would be okay.” He sighed, “But you look so much like her, and you act like her, it’s like she copy and pasted.” 

You remained quiet, “you were not planned.” 

“Gee, thanks,” you said sarcastically 

“Let me finish,” he sighed. “Initially, I didn’t want kids, not yet anyway. But I wanted kids with her and so, I grew to the idea of kids and you were my world. Then your mom passed and it felt like you were just a reminder of pain.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because I want you to understand what I was thinking.” 

“You want me to feel sorry for you?” 

“No, I want you to understand, that I couldn’t look at you without thinking of your mother so, I shut you out. I thought you as the kid that I never wanted-” 

“I know you never wanted me, you made it perfectly clear.” 

“Mija, please, just listen,” you sighed, “I was just trying to avoid grieving your mother and you were in the line of fire. So, I reverted back to thinking that you were unplanned and it didn’t matter, but it does matter. You were and always have been my whole world and I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.” You looked at your feet the entire time, not daring to look at him for fear that you would end up crying. You didn’t want to cry, not now anyway. “Mija,” he said gently. 

“What?” you hissed. 

“Can you look at me?” you shook your head, and he gently placed his hand on your chin, careful to not touch any bruises. He gently moved your head so you could look at him, “There she is.” 

You moved your head away from his hands, “No, you don’t get to just come back whenever you want and think it’ll be okay.” 

“I know.” 

“No, you don’t know!” you yelled, tears welling up in your eyes. “You left me when I needed you the most! You left and I didn’t know if it was because of me or because of Mom, you left without giving me a reason why! Did you forget about me!? Because it felt like I didn’t even exist to you!” 

Pedro felt like he didn’t have the right to speak, the hands of guilt crawled their way up his throat. He choked back his tears, he did this. 

“I felt like I lost both parents,” you choked. “And then I saw you treat Bella like she was your daughter and I kept thinking, that should be me.” Tears fell down your cheek, “I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why you could treat her like that when I was right there begging for you to even give me a sliver of attention!” You felt like the doors to the car were caving in as you tried to take a deep breath. 

“Mija, breathe,” your dad tried to console you. 

You couldn’t catch your breath. Your hands shook as you felt your heart thudding in your chest. Not now, you thought. You held your hand against your chest. 

Pedro was quick to notice, he opened his door, jumped out of the car, and ran to your side of the car. He opened your door and quickly knelt down beside you, “Mija, breathe with me,” he said as he took a hold of your hand, “Inhala,” he inhaled, holding it for three seconds, “exhala.” He exhaled. “Do it with me.” 

You nodded as you inhaled with him and then exhaled. It took a few minutes for your breathing to go back to normal. 

“You needed me,” he still had your hands in his, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t think I can ever make it up to you, but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying if you’ll let me.” It was all you wanted. He gently rolled up your sleeve, placing a soft touch on your scars. “I’m sorry if I am the reason these exist,” you watched as tears flowed down his cheeks. 

He then did something you didn’t expect him to do, he placed a gentle kiss on your wrist and it was enough for you. You let out the sob that was dying to be let out, and he pulled you in for an embrace, “I’m sorry, muñeca.” 

You wrapped your arms around him, “I don’t think I could ever forgive myself, but from here on out, it’s me and you, okay? I’m gonna change things, no more staying with Javeria. I’m sorry I did it in the first place, it was selfish of me. I want you to know that my life wouldn’t be better without you in it. My life would suck without you, Mija. I have just been a shitty dad and I’m sorry.” ” 

You wanted to say that it was okay, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay at all, but you were so used to always saying ‘it’s okay,’ that you had to tell yourself that this time it’s fine if you don’t say it. You could not say it and not feel guilty, especially if it’s not your fault. 

“What do you say? Are you willing to give your dad a second chance?” 

You needed your father and your heart would probably give him a million chances, even if it couldn’t handle it, but for now, you were willing to give him a second chance. You nodded, “Okay.” 

He pulled you in again for another embrace, this time he held on for as long as he could. Pedro wanted to make up for all the times you needed an embrace and he wasn’t there. 

After a while, Pedro got back into his side of the car. He took you to get your prescription before taking you back to Javerias. You both walked in with smiles on your faces causing Javeria to smile too. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. 

Pedro placed a small kiss on your temple, “Go grab your things.” You nodded as you ran up the stairs. Pedro waited until you were out of earshot range. 

“Well?” 

“I don’t know how she forgave me,” he choked back a sob. “I’m such a horrible father,” he sobbed.

“A horrible father wouldn’t have done what you just did,” Javeria stated as she pulled her brother in for an embrace. “Just promise me, you won’t break her heart again, I don’t think she can handle it, Pedro.” 

“I won’t,” he let out a deep breath, wiping away his tears. “She’s gonna stay with me tonight, we’ll come back for the rest of things later.” 

She smiled, “That’s fine.” She looked at her brother in awe, “I’m proud of you, Pedro.” 

He smiled at her, “Thank you.” 

You came running down the stairs with a bag of your essentials. “Is that everything?” Javeria asked. 

“Yeah, it’s just the main stuff,” you explained. She nodded, and you said a quick goodbye, knowing that you’ll be back the next day. 

The car ride to your dad's house was different than the past few car rides. This time he had music playing, “So, we’re still friends with Marcela?” And he asked questions. 

“Yes, best friends.” 

“What about Monica?” 

You shrugged, “We talk a little bit.” 

He sighed, “You mentioned playing the guitar, when did you pick that up?” 

“Beginning of the year, I was a bit bored,” you smiled genuinely. Your mind still felt weary about the situation but you wanted to trust your heart for once. You ached for the presence of your father in your life and now was finally your chance and you weren’t going to let it go. 

Pedro Pascal Taglist: @tracysnook  @cilliansangel  @change-the-world-someday  @graciegoeskrazy @oggystine93 @t-stark35 @twkobii @picklehat3r @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @white-wolf-buckaroo @steadydragongalaxy @rooting4theantihero @soupinasock @tracysnook @Ilovehotdadsandshit @dzaga890 @marantha @emmasauger

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 2

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.8K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

I had a real rough time figuring out the proper voice for Pedro's dialogue and I hope I did him justice. Either way, the support I received for part 1 is astounding and completely unexpected! Thank you all for reading and let me know what you think :) I plan to continue until the story wraps up, but I don't know how many parts that will be. I hope to post every couple days, but with my work schedule it may be less speedy. Here we go!

You walk in the door, unclipping Skip's leash, slipping off your shoes, and dropping your keys on the countertop before flopping onto the couch and unlocking your phone. No. Fucking. Way. 

Pedro Pascal (pascalispunk) replied to your message. 

You dissected each letter of the username, assuming it couldn't possibly be THE Pedro Pascal… but it was. It really, really was. You clicked the message, holding your breath.

Pedro Pascal replied to you: "Hey, you don't need to thank me. I didn't say anything that wasn't true. That guy was out of line. You deserve happiness and I'm sorry for the harsh words you've been hearing. I appreciate you sharing your vulnerability with the world and hope that you will continue to be your genuine self and ignore the comments trying to make you be someone else. Don't listen to those people."

You stared in disbelief at his words, once again wondering why he would ever be so kind to someone he doesn't even know. Someone so childish and stupid to write a song about a man she doesn't know. I can't imagine he'd think these things if he knew it was about him…

You: "Thank you Mr. Pascal. I'm a big fan of yours and hearing that you're in my corner has me completely at a loss. I can't imagine why you would risk damaging your image by defending a girl…" No… don't say girl, it makes you sound like a child. You want this guy to like you! You backspace with a slight feeling of ridiculousness over the whole scenario. Ugh it's all wrong… calm down... calm down… it's just a conversation. He doesn't know you. He doesn't like you. Don't make it weird like you always do.

You try again.

You: "Thank you Mr. Pascal. I really admire your work and for you to say such kind things to me… to think that you're in my corner, has me completely at a loss for words. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment when you don't even know me, especially when coming to my defense could potentially harm your image… but thank you."

He read it almost immediately. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like you could throw up from the anxiety and adrenaline. After a few seconds, those stress-inducing dot-dot-dots appeared to show you he was typing.

He's actually replying to me?? Again? Doesn't he have better things to do? 

Your mind wandered to what he might be doing while he's messaging you. Sitting at his home, relaxing, taking the time to reply to you? Why? Maybe he's on a plane or waiting for something and killing time. Maybe he's- *ping*

Pedro Pascal replied to your message:

"Please, you can call me Pedro.. and as far as defending you, it doesn't matter to me that we don't know each other personally. You seem like a woman with a good heart, and all you did was share your true self. Nobody deserves to be talked poorly about for something harmless that they feel. If something like that hurts my image… then my true self wasn't being represented. I think we all just want to be seen, and I hope that you will feel comfortable to be yourself and show yourself more."

You don't know when you started crying, but you hiccupped with the overwhelming wave of emotions. He sees me.. you had just scrolled to the bottom of the long reply, when you noticed the "..." of typing again. He has more to say?!

Pedro Pascal: "As far as the subject of your song.. whether you choose to reveal that to him, or the world, you deserve love and respect. Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is a terrifying thing to do, and I myself tend to close myself off from relationships to avoid that potential for getting hurt. But if that's what you want, you've already taken a big step and you should go for it. I hope that whoever he is gives you the respect and love you deserve."

Holy crap…

He doesn't… he doesn't know it's him right?? No. There's no way. He's just being nice… he's too nice. He's too genuine..??

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard, doing a little dance in the air, pondering what to say. How much can I share with this man? Between this crush and his kind words, it's feeling tricky to hold back from spilling too much information.

You: "Thank you Pedro. You're too kind and I can't properly explain how much I really appreciate it. I'm having trouble coming to terms with all the sudden attention, and finding it hard to ground myself. But your words are helping me a lot. I - "

You hesitated over your next words, wondering if you should open up or just leave it. Don't be weird… don't scare him away like you always have with everyone else. As much as you think of disclosing your hesitation and lack of experience with relationships, as well as your reasons for trepidation, you decide to spare him of your self-hatred. Instead, you delete that last letter and hit send. 

Then you send another message, like he did. "And as far as the guy… I know I don't know him personally, we've never met, but I can already tell he would treat me right. I just hope maybe someday he will love me back."

Immediately after sending it you regretted it. That felt way too open and vulnerable. What are you thinking!?! Shit… what if he sees through you!?

You hold your finger down on the message, ready to hit unsend before he sees it. But it's too late. He's already replying.

Pedro: "He would be stupid not to love you back."

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

You: "Thank you, Pedro. 🥺" Play it cool… Play it cool…

Pedro: "Of course, sweetheart. Feel free to message me if anyone else gives you trouble or you just want to chat. I enjoyed talking with you."

???!!!!!?????!!!!! SweetheartSweetheartSweetheart

You grabbed your nearest pillow and screamed into it. "SKIPPPPPEERRRRRRR!!!!!! I JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH PEDRO AND IT WAS MAGICAL AND AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" You squealed.

Skipper lifted his head at you and sighed before setting his head back down. He was no stranger to your shenanigans. Napping after a good walk was a better use of his energy than to deal with your drama. He closed his little brown eyes again.

You lay back on the couch, kicking your feet and squeezing your pillow to your body.

Fuck, this is going to hit me like a truck if it goes sour. If he even realizes it's about him, probably. Crap… what am I going to do?

The next day, you woke up and checked your emails before work. Thankfully nobody at your workplace has seemed to place your singing voice to your speaking voice, or pieced together the fact that several people know you have a crush on a certain celebrity and are a musician. Thank goodness. That’s the last thing you need.

You closed your eyes for a few minutes, trying to calm your breathing, your nerves, and your heart rate, before relaxing and shaking out your body. Finally, you decided to get ready for bed and see what tomorrow brings.

Your emails come in, one by one, with one intriguing email at the top, from a well known pop-culture show called The Jazz & Ally-Kat Show. They want to do an interview with you, live, as soon as possible. 

Great. They probably just want to see what I look like or have me spill my guts about my crush. You roll your eyes, and you can’t help but feel like the Mandalorian with his lack of face reveals. If only you had a cute little space baby to accompany you. I guess Skip is my own precious cargo in a way, you think, while looking at your still sleeping pup. You're being silly… Not everything needs to relate back to Pedro, you think with a sigh to yourself. 

Yet despite your anxiety, you agreed to their interview, with the exception that it was done as a podcast style interview, where simply your voices are featured. Surprisingly, they agreed. I guess everyone likes some drama, and what better way to get views than by having a little mystery.

The interview was scheduled for three days from then, and in the meantime you focused on work and your album, which was mostly finished after years of writing songs. All it needed was some editing.

As the days went by, you wanted desperately to message Pedro again. You wanted to tell him your feelings. Have him confess that he loves you too. Ask him about his family, his friends, his favorite things. Meet him, kiss him, fall in love, and finally be happy. But ultimately you knew that was silly. You had one little conversation, and although it was nice, you still didn't know each other. There was no way he loved you back. Yet…? you asked yourself, hopeful, almost asking for permission to let yourself try and earn his love. 

Despite Instagram drawing you in like a magnet, you held back from messaging him. You didn't want to come on too strong. You messaged him first last time. He doesn't know you. Literally… he doesn't even know your real name, or what you look like. But maybe that's a good thing…

_____The day of the interview:_____

You woke up around 9:30 in the morning; nervous, slightly nauseated, restless, and jittery. Why did I agree to this??! 

You decided to pass on the coffee this morning, figuring it would make things worse, and instead decided to take Skipper for a walk. After some fresh air followed by a refreshing shower, you looked at the clock. 11:30 AM. With the interview at 1PM, you still had some time to kill and sat down at the piano, letting your mind wander to Pedro while you plunked chords out with nimble fingers. I wonder if Pedro has ever wanted to learn any instruments… I could teach him, you daydream.

Your hands dance across the piano while he reads through a script in the other room, eyebrows furrowed as he highlights another line. You look up over the grand piano and see his soft brown curls blowing under the fan haphazardly. The sun is shining in through the window, which Skip bathes under, and reflects a golden brown undertone with gray streaks in Pedro's hair. He really is beautiful, you think. His tongue swipes across his lips as he makes notes and erases, before finally feeling your eyes on him. He glances up from the script, giving you a soft smile and a wink; with those chocolate brown eyes that frequently cause you to lose your train of thought. Your eyes drift down to the keys again, feeling a soft blush creep over your cheeks. 

"That music sounds beautiful, baby.." he says softly while padding up to you behind the piano. He places his large hands on your shoulders, sweeping them down over both your arms before settling on your hands, still resting over the black and white keys. You look over your shoulder and he leans in, closing his eyes as he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. Just like that scene in Narcos… you think. Yikes, I really am obsessed… anyway… you think back to your daydream…

He sits down at the chair next to your piano bench, kissing your lips again gently, then the corner of your mouth, your cheek, and your jaw. Your stomach gives a wave of butterflies and you lean in more to kiss him deeper, tugging on his hair while his hands find the small of your back, gently running his palms up your spine. A chill overcomes you and he-

~Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.~

Fuck. You snap out of your fantasy and turn off the alarm you set to go off ten minutes before the interview. At least I gave myself time to use the restroom and wash my face, you think, hoping to clear your head a bit now that you're slightly frazzled.

Unfortunately the feeling that replaced it was nerves as you sat down at your desk, typing into your keyboard, turning on your mic, and hoping that Skipper doesn't throw a fit over the wind or something while you're on this call.

Jazz: "Hi there listeners! We're joined by the artist of the moment, our favorite lovesick lady, the singer responsible for "Imaginary Love!"

Both women on the other end of the call applaud.

Well… not sure I like being called a lovesick lady but what else did I expect, really?

You: "Thank you guys for having me, I appreciate you wanting to get to know me better."

Despite the rough start, the ladies turned out to be really respectful and fun. You think that if the circumstances were different, you could actually be friends with them. You discuss casual things like your dog, your favorite activities and favorite pop culture topics (careful to avoid mentioning Pedro or any other actor that could be perceived as your lyrical subject), and they even mention celebrity crushes they've had growing up. 

At the mention of their celebrity crushes, you can feel the interview funnel into a dangerous alley with little to no escape. Jazz was the first to broach the subject. "So… we've just discussed our celebrity crushes, and I think I speak for all of us here when I say we're all very curious to know who-"

-an air horn blares-

What the hell is that? You wonder, both thankful for the interruption, yet startled by the disruption.

They both chime in: "Viewers!!! Do you all know what that sound is!?! We have reached 1 million listeners!!!!"

To say you were astounded is an understatement.

You: "You're kidding!? 1 million people are listening to us right now?"

Ally: "You bet they are! And listeners… I don't know about you guys… but I can't help but wonder if our celebrity heartthrob is one of those million?"

They turn their attention to you again. "What do you think? Think he's listening?"

You're thankful for the lack of a camera, because you can't help but blush at the thought. You'd be lying if you hadn't already considered (hoped) that he was listening too. 

Jazz: "So as we were saying… I think we all are in agreement that we want to know who he is. You sound like a nice enough girl, so what's holding you back? You've made it. You can contact him now and he'll probably reply."

I already have… you thought with a smirk.

Jazz continues: "Which brings me to the next point... I know you've had a lot of attention lately. You were signed to a record company, you were contacted by us, you've been mentioned by a few talk shows and celebrities. Pedro Pascal even publicly defended you. The radio has been playing your song nonstop and people can't get enough. What do you think of all this attention?"

You: "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit surprised and maybe a little scared," you answered with a nervous laugh. "But I am so thankful for the kind words that I receive and I love hearing from people who can relate to my music."

Ally: "You've certainly received your fair share of criticism too. It sounds like you received that before your song was ever published as well."

You: "I have, and it's been challenging to try and not let it get me down. But I'm trying my best, and the positives seem to be greatly outweighing the negatives," you state, your mind thinking of Pedro and how his messages were really the only positive you needed to get you through the dark storm of criticism.

Ally: "I guess what I'm wondering is.. among all these people contacting you.. has he?"

You try to play dumb: "Has who?"

Both interviewers laugh before Ally continues. "Nice try. You know who we're trying to find out about. Has he, the man of your dreams and star of your lyrics, contacted you at all? Will we see a romance blooming?"

Your stomach flipped. You were not expecting this question. Should you tell the truth??? It's not like they could know who has contacted you, short of hacking your account. You have had a lot of people contact you, after all.

You take a deep breath before answering. "I uh… I have received a lot of messages, some of them from celebrities."

They reply, and you can practically feel them leaning in. "Yeeeeaaaah?????"

You consider your next move, your heart really working overtime since this whole thing started. Finally you decide your answer.

"Yes. We've talked."

Looking for Track 1? Read it here!

Next chapter: Here!

~Thanks for reading! Stay ~tuned~ for more!

Taglist: Let me know if you want in :)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02

[henley-reeves]

“I don’t like actually dealing with myself very much. I don’t wanna cause harm, I don’t like drama. But gosh, I’m not into challenges.” - PEDRO PASCAL for Variety’s Actors on Actors

[kaletastrophes]

Hey y’all! I’m gonna throw in my two cents about Pedro Pascal (and others) at the Met Gala this year because what is tumblr if not a place to give your opinion?

Let me start with this, not a single person who went to the 2023 Met Gala was secretly “protesting” the event or Karl. I’m being serious, not a single person. Especially not Pedro.

And I don’t say this to like burst anyone’s bubble! I say this as someone who likes fashion and celebrities and politics and activism. I say this as someone who loves hyping up the art Hollywood produces but who believes in being realistic about the world we are living in. And, in my opinion, pretending that rich famous celebs (even ones I love like Pedro!!) are somehow secretly subverting the system isn’t helpful. It’s actually very harmful.

So let’s break this down!

How does the Met Gala work?

So the Met Gala is actually a charity event. Every first Monday in May the Met puts on their gala to raise money for the Costume Institute. And they raise a lot of money like this. I mean A LOT. In 2017 they raised 12 million dollars.

So how to people get in??

Tickets are $50,000 a piece. Yes. $50,000. And not anyone can just buy one! Brands, like fashion house Valentino, buy tickets and then invite celebrities to go and show off their clothes. Valentino dressed 8 celebs at this years Met Gala. 8! Thats a huge chunk of change my lord.

So let me start by clearing this up: When it comes to the Met Gala Valentino is not a competitor to Karl. They just aren't. In the real world, Chanel and Valentino are competitors, but it doesn't work that way at the Met Gala in literally any sense. Not every celeb can show up in Chanel, so fashion houses and designers were asked to create looks to honor Karl. Which they did. In fact, here's Pierpaolo Piccioli honoring Karl in Vogue with a Valentino look. They were not enemies and he wasn't going to dress anyone in a "protest" look because he wanted to impress people online. Im sorry, but in the world of fashion Karl is a legend and everyone that night wanted to pay respects.

But lets move on to the actual looks.

The celebrities who were dressed by Valentino this year were Rihanna, Florence Pugh, Pedro Pascal, Viola Davis, Labrinth, Priyanka Chopra, Nick Jonas and Stephanie Hsu.

Lets look at how they were styled:

Okay so Karl famously loved a black and white looks so Priyanka Chopra, Nick Jonas and Stephanie Hsu all being in black and white is pretty spot on honoring from Valentino. Many, many celebs that night were in black and white.

But here's something else about the Met Gala, it's a really, really important event. And so many people who know nothing about fashion pay attention to it. So designers not only want to send looks that honor the theme, they want to send looks that honor their latest collections because they want people to buy their shit lol.

Viola Davis is in pink not because she wanted to protest anyone but because Valentino put out the PINKEST of PINK Fall/Winter 2022-2023 collections...ever. It's called the Pink PP collection and it literally took the fashion world by storm. Look at all that pink! This collection was literally everywhere last season, every celeb and influencer wanted this collection in their hands. If you Google "celebs Valentino pink", you're going to get a thousand photos of the hottest celebs rocking this collection. In fact, at last years Met Gala, Valentino dressed Sebastian Stan and Glen Close in pink.

It's just Valentino's Pink at this point. So much so that fashion critics almost cringe when they see it now lmao because it was so in our faces for that season. I understand that someone dug up a quote from Karl from years ago that people interrupted as him saying he doesn't like pink but thats actually incorrect. He used pink on the runway a lot.

Here he is walking the Chanel runway with his muse Cara Delevingne who's wearing....pink. There are many many more examples of this but i'll stop.

Okay. Lets talk about Pedros look.

As you can see he's wearing this almost exactly as it came down the runway. To me this means he had really very little control over the look. It wasn't designed specifically for him (as Olivia Wilde's look was designed specifically for her by Chloe), they just took it off the runway and slapped him in it because he's literally the hottest celebrity right now and Valentino wanted him to stand out in red and have people talk about them as they talked about Pedro. That's fine! That's how fashion works!

Idk if everyone has noticed how many black and white looks there were on the carpet but I'm telling you it was a LOT. Anyone not in black and white was gonna get noticed even more. That's why Valentino put Labrinth and Pedro in matching red looks. They had just sent those looks down the runway and they wanted them to stand out and get noticed. They put Rihanna and Florence in matching white looks. Priyanka, Nick and Stephanie all matched in black and white. They built a really clear theme when you line them up together. The only one who doesn't match is Viola and thats because, as I explained above, she's wearing PP pink which is iconic to their brand right now.

He's wearing the brand logo on his fingernails not because he's protesting anyone lmao but because they bought him a ticket worth $50,000 and he OWES them. The least he can do is get a silly manicure and have everyone zoom in on his hands to see that Valentino logo! And the look is meant to be edgy! Whats the least edgy but edgy thing for him to do? Get his nails done and then flip off the camera to show a brand logo. Duh.

Look. All that is to say. You can dig up all the gross and hateful quotes you want from Karl about pink or shorts or what he personally liked in fashion but it doesn't matter. Thats just not how the fashion industry works. Not a single person who actually cared about protesting him went that night. I'm certain if you asked Pedro personally "do you agree with some of the things Karl said?" he would answer, "NO! Of course I don't!" I think almost every single person who attended the Met Gala that night would say no. But no one has asked Pedro, at least not in public anyway.

So I get why people are upset he would go and now they feel they have to create a narrative about how he wasn't actually there to honor but secretly to protest and be a rebel. Guys, I mean this with love...thats silly. Thats SO silly. And it's not helpful. We have to let the rich and famous people speak for themselves and when they make mistakes or do things we don't agree with, they have to explain for themselves. We can't do it for them. A very rich fashion house bought him an obscenely expensive ticket to a special event and told him to wear a look off the runway and Pedro is FAMOUS now and he wants to keep it that way so he said "ok! sounds great!" That's it.

As far as what Pedro has said in public, he has no regrets about going to an event that honored a shitty guy and he wasn't protesting anything or anyone. Let's keep that narrative until he actually says otherwise with his own grown up, adult mouth.

[minispidey]

To start this off, as usual, english is not my first language so bare with me. i fucking hate the pedro pascal 'stans' rn... what happened to keeping your shits together? yall have no idea what you're doing to the fandom. i write harmless fun bimbo readers and i'm terrified of being the center of attention if one day someone hiding behind an anon mask goes "oh this person writes bimbos. she's a misogynist and an anti-feminist."

people are just having fun writing these fanfiction and yall are... hating?? It's clear jealousy or one-sided anger. Big writers don't happen overnight. They were small writers too before. If all small writers became big writers, then you'll start hating on them. Don't go on and say that they don't deserve it— it's not their fault they blew up.

I haven't written much or published my finished works because of the fear that people are gonna come after me for what I write. All the anons who sent those things to the confessions page are also just scared people who don't have the balls to own up to what they say.

I'm just scared. Why do you have to do this? They're not hurting you. Don't go on saying "oh they'll be back. they're just dramatic." because they don't have to prove anything to you? You don't get to tell them what to do especially when it doesn't actually harm people. Spending all your time on drama when people are dying in Gaza? Jesus. Know your damn priorities.

[rotzaprachim]

kinda wild how all those goyim decided to put a moratorium on all things Israeli even though a lot of the IL arts scene is very left wing and anti occupation and also decided to declare anything Jewish to be Zionist and yet got so into the last of us, one of the handful of media properties that is actually genuinely lodged in right wing militarized Zionist ideology. It’s like, not only do you label anything Jewish or Israeli that you don’t like Zionist, and not only do you do this in a way that crosses the line into not just antisemitism but racism and xenophobia (עברית????? SCARY) a lot of you cannot actually recognize the harmful tenets of right wing armed Zionist ideology when they’re in good old American English or there’s no obvious ✡️✡️✡️🇮🇱 to label it clearly for you and a lot of you cannot break away from them when you like a video game just soooo much or want to fuck Pedro pascal/

[sb25p]

Warning: THE LAST OF US SPOILERS: EPISODE 5!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED EP 5, PLEASE SCROLL PAST!!!!!

Also this an essay!! 🥴 tbh I write these more for myself than anything else…my Tumblr is my mf journal.

I normally don’t like to write posts that involve spoilers for current series/movies etc but TLOU episode 5 affected me in such a powerful way, I feel like I just need to vent it for a min.

Can we talk about the final scene? How hopeful Ellie is when she wakes up only to find out Sam has unfortunately become infected. Sam then attacking Ellie for Joel and Henry to realise what’s happening and Henry to raise the gun to Joel.

The actor, Lamar Johnson, absolutely killed that role (no pun intended…too soon?)

Like we see his face go from confused to protective yet terrified, shocked, panicked, regretful, devastated, remorseful, angry and numb.

I could go on and on about the diversity of emotions that Lamar portrayed in that moment to capture the reaction of Henry losing Sam. The one person he loves more than anything and has sacrificed everything for only to lose at what he believes to be his own hands but as we know is due to being infected.

It was never Henry’s fault. Henry didn’t kill Sam. Sam was already dead. The infection took him. Henry actually saved Ellie from being harmed by Sam. He’s still a hero regardless of what he’s done. He continued to protect others but without Sam, what is his purpose? Sam to Henry is purpose. He always has been. Now that Sam is gone, Henry doesn’t feel any purpose and ultimately that causes him to take his own life without any hesitation.

Then we have the other parallel of Pedro Pascal in that situation playing the role of Joel Miller.

We see Joel (not for the first time) jumping in ultimately to protect Ellie. He’s terrified. He’s seeing her at risk and scared and she’s calling out to him in that moment for help.

Joel talks earlier to Henry about being relied on. He says that it’s easier for kids because no one is relying on them but that’s not really true is it? Because although Sam relied on Henry for protection, Henry relied on Sam for purpose. He loved him. He lived for him because he had Sam by his side.

What really got me in that moment after Henry shoots Sam, is Joel. The way his face turns into a realisation. An understanding.

It doesn’t happen right away.

I feel if you watch Joel’s face just after Sam dies, he’s asking for the gun because he’s afraid Henry will turn on the both of them, pin a blame on them maybe that Sam got infected because of them but when Henry says “what did I do?” You can see that Joel’s face falls. He goes from appearing assertive and protective of Ellie to becoming understanding and gentle towards Henry.

I think that is because Joel recognises that feeling all too well. It’s not hard to think that Joel would have had a time after Sarah’s death where he must have thought that life wasn’t worth living anymore. That his purpose in life has been ripped from him so abruptly and if his sole purpose now is merely to survive, what kind of life does he have anyway?

It’s why I always saw Joel to be one of the strongest characters in the whole of the TLOU universe. He was a father to an only child who was taken from him during the time the world was falling apart anyway. Not only was his own beautiful little world ended in that split second, the one he shared with his daughter, the whole planet was being ripped apart.

What motivated him to keep on living? We could say Tommy but a parents love like Joel’s is so incredibly powerful. Even my own parents once said to me (and I’m one of four children) that if I ever took my own life, they couldn’t go on themselves without me. The true love of a parent is absolutely infinitely one of the most powerful things in this world. Pedro absolutely portrayed that emotion in the moment when he’s trying to talk Henry down. It’s like he’s mentally saying “look at me, I understand, PLEASE, I understand”. Joel knows they’re not at risk to Henry at that moment, Henry is at risk to himself.

Not only that but Joel asks Ellie if she’s okay shortly after Sam dies and even tries to go to her but is stopped by Henry raising the gun to him.

We see Joel becoming softer and more of a father figure to Ellie in this situation. His usual hardened expression drops when he has just witnessed a serious threat to Ellie’s life. He can see the distress in her. He’s just watched her bond with a child over a period of time that she clearly felt very strongly for very quickly. He also has strong feelings about Ellie watching others die due to the discussion he has with her when she shoots the man in the previous episode to protect Joel.

“You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to…” to kill someone he means.

He doesn’t want her to witness this world. He wants to protect her from it and we’re seeing so much more of that in these newer episodes. The paternal feelings he’s developing for her are slowly but surely finding their way out into the open.

And finally the note that Ellie leaves on Sam’s grave.

“I’m sorry.”

We see Joel realising when he reads this, that this young girl feels a lot more than she’s giving out. That Joel is starting to come to terms with how much of a weight is sitting on Ellie’s shoulders by being treat like a possible cure. That the thought of her feeling as though it’s her fault that she couldn’t save Sam from infection, ultimately has Joel feeling even more responsible for ensuring she doesn’t feel that way and that she understands how important she is in herself rather than to the rest of the crumbling world.

I really look forward to seeing how their relationship develops. Particularly, how Joel’s feelings develop further towards Ellie. I also look forward to seeing more vulnerability from Ellie. Joel walks around with this hardened expression but Ellie doesn’t need to do anything like that. We know from how she admits to Sam that she fears being left alone, that she has a lot of emotion she is holding back. She needs that someone to be vulnerable with and I can’t wait for her to let it all go for Joel.

[brw]

Reed is canonically autistic, right? Is it wrong that I’m pissed they cast someone who isn’t?

It's a complicated one with Reed. There's at least one comic in 616 when it's stated as a possibility in 1234: Fantastic Four, but there hasn't been a moment where Reed has explicitly said he's autistic. He has in Season One, but those comics aren't canon and he mentions looking for a cure in that one so I don't consider it very much. However, it is something Ryan North has said he's considering and writing him as, even if he's not been given an explicit diagnosis. Certainly, it's something both writers and fans are aware of and consider in their writing or reading of him, but he's never been given a clear diagnosis (to avoid actually committing to depicting autistic people with sympathy and tact, imo).

It would have been nice for an autistic actor to depict Reed, but unfortunatley that's no guarantee that they would have depicted him well; my main focus is on the writers. I imagine Reed being generally socially inept will be a joke or point of characterisation, but I'm doubtful they'd give a name as to why he's like that, which makes me nervous. I don't think he'd be demonised for it because people really like Pedro Pascal, but I doubt it's something most people will handle with grace, and will either ignore it or exaggerate it to push him into a certain role in self insert fic.

But yeah, this is definitely something I'm a little concerned about because I feel very strongly that Reed's autism should be explicit and more autistic people should be given an opportunity to show what a diverse range of people and experiences we are, something rarely afforded to us in fiction, and I'm expecting this movie to be one of many instances of writers using our traits for comedy or drama but never committing to actually explicitly calling a character autistic for that plausible deniablity for fucking up or relying on dangerous and harmful tropes.

[littleoddwriter]

About Me/the Blog + Masterlists

[used to be: ronaldrx]

Name: Jesse [Rafa(el), and Ronny - I answer to all three] - Age: 24 - Pronouns: he/she/they I'm a queer and disabled hobby writer and mostly write (x Reader) FanFictions and Headcanons. But I am also working on my original story whenever I can, so that I’ll hopefully publish it as an actual book someday. My Ao3. Sometimes, I also make art and post it here and on Instagram. This is my main blog, where I post all my writing and most of my art. I also use this blog as a journal at times for important life stuff that I feel like sharing and remembering. But I also reblog anything I want on here (fandom-related things, current events, tips and tricks, etc.)

Here’s a link to my Ko-Fi, in case you want to support me financially. It would mean a lot to me!

Also, here are my sideblogs if you’re interested:

Dead Poets Society [@toddandersonirl]

Horror Media [@addicted-to-the-knife]

Raúl Esparza [@bidesparza]

The Simpsons [@worst-thesimpsons-blog-ever]

I try to tag specifics as much as I can; but if there are things you'd need to blacklist and I haven't tagged, just let me know, and I'll do it, no harm done. All I ask is that you're respectful and kind, please.

As you'll see in my masterlists, I used to take writing requests. Now, those are closed indefinitely, though. Please do not send me any requests. My ask box is open for anyone at any time for simple conversations, discussing characters, media, headcanons, writing, ideas, etc. but no requests! Asks are currently closed!

Masterlists are linked with fandoms/actors/characters below.

Cooper Abbott (Trap, 2024)

Doctor Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus (Spider-Man 2, 2004)

DAVID DASTMALCHIAN characters

EWAN MCGREGOR characters

Roman Sionis/Black Mask (mostly the 2020 Birds of Prey version; but also the Red Hood and the Outlaws comic version; and the Batwoman season 2 version)

Markiplier EGOS

PAUL DANO characters

PEDRO PASCAL characters

9-1-1 (Lone Star)

Law and Order(: Special Victims Unit)

Our Flag Means Death

SLASHERS/Horror Characters

Star Wars

The Simpsons

What We Do in the Shadows (TV and Movie)

Sickrent Ship (Trainspotting/T2)

ZsaszMask Ship (Birds of Prey)

Be good people and take care! <3

[nervoushottee]

My list of babygirl and why:

Kratos (from God of War games): he so big and angsty and I actually love him. He’s trying to be a better person each day from trying to be a good father with Atreus and befriending Freya. OMG he’s just so sweet and soft in his own way. I Can see the potential. It would be the SLOWEST burn to be with him due to his past and him and a person but it would be so worth it. He’ll protect you and keep you from harm He so Big, in more ways than one.

Venom: Don’t @ me on this one. But @ me at the same time. He’s so big (can you tell there’s a pattern here?) like HUGE, I’m sure in more ways than one. His tongue??? Those white eyes??? Cmon who wouldn’t want that?

Simon Riley (Ghost): HES SOO BIGGGGG. It would be the SLOWEST burn right along with Kratos. Due to his past but he’s literally so pretty (even with the mask bcc it’s his demeanor and voice that makes him pretty you don’t even need to see his face and respect his wishes). He’s protective and you always knows he’s watching you to keep and eye out.

Miguel O’Hara: HES SOO FUCKING BIG. My brain is filled with vampire babygirl and I want him to love me. He is my favorite rn. He’s so angsty and it will be a big slow burn too but worth it in the way he treats you behind closed doors. HES BIGG AND SO TALL OMG OMG OMG. Like show me how big you are (Oscar Isaac I love you)

Steve Harrington: he’s not as big in height but he’s just as big somewhere else *wink*. He’s my soft man that just wants to be loved and take care of you. you’re the passenger princess always, he will drive you anywhere you need to go no problem. I love him so much. (Joe keery I love you)

How could I forget JOEL MILLER: Both game and HBO version (Pedro pascal I love you). He’s angsty and mean and protective omg. He’s big y’all leave me alone omg I love home

All of these men are my Gentle Giants idc

[explosionshark]

Oh yeah no worries about the late reply I really appreciate you finding me recs given that's how this started and all, I'm actually planning on getting started on that Buffy pile today that you've sent my way since I just finished the big fic I was reading yesterday.

Quick note on Graduation Day part 2 since that's where I finished off last ask, like I didn't dislike it by any means but I dunno didn't feel as strong emotionally as part 1 or either of the previous finales, like the Mayor's great and all love him, I did really enjoy seeing him definitively caring about Faith, but Angelus and Faith can carry way more emotional stakes and even the Master did via Prophecy Girl's prophecy but it's good as a sendoff for the Sunnydale high era. Also whoo big dumb snake we love to see it.

It turns out I'm some kind of sleeper agent because I didn't even know I still remembered the Angel theme song but as soon as it started playing I was in, it was all flooding back to me full of nostalgia, I haven't even seen Series 1 before. Great stuff, I enjoy that they're having to work in somebody explaining all the deets of Angel's backstory every episode so far, and I didn't realise how early they get their mission statement in there, first episode you've got your visions, Powers That Be, Wolfram and Hart. Definitely has its own vibe. I didn't know I did but I've missed seeing sad brooding Angel just standing on top of rooftops. I'm looking forward for Cordelia to get the character development she deserves and I like Doyle so far, he's good fun. Lonely Heart was neat getting in an MOTW episode about what the show's about as your second episode.

S4 of Buffy also feels like a new vibe for the show like you said. I like Willow's new haircut (this is the first thing I wrote down upon starting S4) and Giles in his flop era. It feels like this is where Willow decisively grabs second most important character status, Angel's gone, Giles doesn't have a job and with Cordelia gone Xander's dropped to almost the bottom rung of the regulars. Living Conditions such a fun episode my favourite of the bunch I've watched so far, like every little grievance Buffy and Kathy had being worked into the fight at the end was great, all the over the top camera work, and the juxtoposition between Buffy not having that bad a roommate and Willow truly living her worst life with her's but keeping it together, RIP Kathy I knew she wasn't long for the world when Buffy's roommate couldn't even get in the opening credits even with two new gaps, she could've handled a Cordelia workload if she'd stuck around I'm sure. Plus it was a neat throwback for Buffy to have to worry about keeping Slaying a secret again.

Oh yeah I'm looking through my notes and I had written down in the Freshman 'Whoa is that Pedro Pascal? It is. Wild.' then immediately afterwards 'RIP' Also for Harsh Light of Day I have 'Buffy deserves her post Angel+Faith rebound as well. Good for her having a good sexual encounter.' followed immediately by 'Well at least its not as bad as when Angel lost his soul but not great'. But congrats on it not being as bad as Harm. At least Willow is allowed to have a good relationship. Also congrats on Xander's rebound in this episode about bad rebounds being the last girl he was with? Anya being in the triangle of dejected women was kinda incredible considering she's not nearly in such a bad position as them but we need that cool shot. Also multiple times about Angel so far 'What a dork, love him'

Also like sidenote I don't know American geography at all I didn't realise like how close Sunnydale and LA are so close together? I always figured Angel moved a sizeable distance away but for America it's like he's moved one town over or something they're so close together

Yeah, as fun as the Mayor can be, the real emotional heart and soul of s3 is Faith, so once she's out of commission the stakes just aren't as personal and that kinda takes the wind out of the sails a little imo. Still it's a good two-parter. At least we get the gay shared dreamspace and the forehead kiss.

S4 is kind of a weird transitional season and I think it suffers a little from not having a very compelling big bad BUT there are some all-time great episodes there and the start to a lot of very important arcs. And we get a little more Faith! Also yeah Buffy's s4 love interest (post-Parker) is not a fan favorite and I certainly have some criticisms of the boy but I DO think that Buffy Summers DESERVES to get laid as much as she wants and I think it's nice that s4 is finally where that happens for her (with fluctuating degrees of associated trauma).

Re: the Angel sleeper agent stuff - one of my favorite parts of my own Buffy rewatch was having my brain rocketed into the past by the theme song and other little moments that were just ingrained on me forever. I'm not generally a big rewatcher when it comes to TV but sometimes there is something genuinely so nice about revisiting a thing you really loved!

Also yeah the geography of the Buffyverse has been confounding fans and scholars for ages. You have to just roll with it. The implication DOES seem to be that they're only a couple hours apart, but if you factor in California having terrible public transit and Buffy having NO CAR the distance definitely feels a little more insurmountable

[afictionaladventure16]

Because of You (Pedro Pascal x Teen!Fem!Reader)

Summary: Pedro is the reader's only support system after her suicide attempt and protects her from her narcissistic mother after a bad family therapy session.

Word Count: 2,353

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, abandonment, neglect, and a narcissistic mother.

“Let’s talk about your relationship with your mother,” Your therapist begins. 

You let out a sigh. Pedro was quick to catch on, he placed a gentle hand on your knee. You looked up at him, he gave you a smile and you couldn’t help but smile back. 

“I believe we have not seen eye to eye with some subjects, but we have a wonderful relationship,” your mother stated, a smile plastered on her face. You scoffed, “What?” she hissed, sending you daggers through her eyes. 

“Funny, I don’t recall us having such a wonderful relationship,” you said, emphasizing on the wonderful. “If we’ve had such a wonderful relationship then why did it take you six weeks to come to one of the sessions.” You lifted your hand up to your mouth, beginning to bite the skin that was hanging off your cuticles. 

“Y/N,” Pedro warned quietly, he took a loving hand on yours. Giving you a knowing look, it was one of your habits, bite your nails when things were beginning to become too much. It was something you were trying to break because although it may seem small and meaningless, it was a way of self-mutilation. If you bit your nails now, then eventually you would do more harm to yourself. 

“I don’t understand why he’s here,” your mother told your therapist as she gestured towards Pedro. 

“Because, unlike someone in this room, he actually cares about me and my well-being,” you hissed. 

Your mother rolled her eyes, “It’s supposed to be a family session.” 

Pedro looked over at your therapist, “I can leave if-” 

“Please don’t,” you begged. 

“It’s up to Y/N, she can decide who can be in these sessions,” your therapist stated.

Pedro nodded before giving you a reassuring smile. He had been the one to find you the day you tried to commit. You don’t remember everything that day, it felt like the day had never existed, but to Pedro, it was a memory he wished he could forget. He felt so guilty that he couldn’t be there for you when you needed him that he helped you get into this program. At first, he didn’t show up to the first two sessions, mostly because he couldn’t face you just yet and you didn’t blame him. 

You were mostly afraid that because he didn’t show up, he wasn’t going to show up in general. That you had ruined a bond with someone who truly cared about you. Someone you actually trusted and were able to speak about your feelings and actually be heard. Then when he did show up, you felt relieved.

He knew that your home life wasn’t the most welcoming, which is why you spent a lot of time at his place when he was in town. He didn’t mind, he wished things were better for you at home, but at the same time, he liked imagining how things could be if you were his daughter. So, he did, he treated you like his own and sometimes he’d lie to a waitress and call his daughter. 

Your therapist knew that this subject was beginning to be a bit much for you. Although she wanted to try and touch on these subjects to help you through the trauma, she could only go so far. “Let’s try a different subject,” your therapist suggested. 

Your mother scoffed, “Well, it’s obvious my daughter has more to say and this is a therapy session isn’t it? So, let’s just have her say it,” your mother stated as she gestured for you to continue. 

You looked over at your therapist, you knew she wanted to know how you’d respond. The person you were six weeks ago would’ve probably started yelling and shouting things out into oblivion, but that was six weeks ago. “I’d rather not.” 

Your mother ignored you, continuing with what you had previously said, “I didn’t come to your sessions-” 

“Mom,” you warned. 

“Maybe it’s best if we-” Pedro tried to interrupt. He couldn’t bare to see your mother treat you this way. 

But she raised her voice, “Because I was taking care of your siblings and let’s be frank, sweetie, sometimes you can overreact.” 

“Overreact?” You asked in disbelief. 

“Oh come on, the self-harming? The trying to kill yourself?” you sat there in disbelief, you couldn’t understand how someone who was supposed to have a maternal instinct. Someone who was supposed to love, care, understand, and even be there for you through the bad and the good. A mother. Could just have no feelings toward their own child. “I mean it’s no wonder you’re in this piece of junk and don’t get me started on your father.” 

“Don’t,” you warned. 

“What? Are you still pissed about that?” She scoffed. “It is not such a big deal.” 

“You lied to me about who my real father was! How is that not such a big deal!” You yelled. 

“Maybe this is where we should end the session,” your therapist suggested. 

“I did not come here to only spend twenty minutes of my time,” your mother stated. 

You were fuming and all you wanted to do was bite your nails, but you couldn’t. Your leg bounced up and down as you stared at your mother. You felt a gentle hand on your leg, you knew it was Pedro, but you didn’t look towards him. He let out a frustrated sigh, it was wrong to hit a woman, he reminded himself. 

Your mother looked over at you, “Was it worth it? Getting so damn upset over a man who doesn’t even share the same DNA? So what he wasn’t your dad-” 

“He was my dad,” you hissed. “He was there for me unlike you and even though he never knew I wasn’t his daughter because someone withheld that information, he always treated me like I was up until the moment he died.” 

“Here we go,” she scoffed, “‘you abandoned me as a child,’ bit, I didn’t abandon you. I just didn’t have custody of you.” 

“Don’t pull that bullshit!” you groaned, “I was there! I was the kid waiting by the window because Mommy said she’d be here in twenty minutes! You never put in the fucking effort and I had to live with it! Me! Not you! Because of you, I am the way that I am!” 

“I’m sorry I had to take care of your siblings!” 

“Oh my god!” you put your hands on your head, “what about me?!” 

She rolled her eyes, “It’s always about you isn’t it.” 

“I was your kid too! I needed you too!” You felt the tears begin to well up in your eyes. 

“Look at you, you’re fine now, I mean you were just five I bet you didn’t even notice.” 

You shook your head, “I was four. I was four and waiting by a window. I was four and wondering ‘Where’s mommy?’ I was four and sat in the corner of the classroom because ‘Y/N doesn’t have a mommy so she can’t participate in the mothers Day craft!’ I was four and I fucking needed you just as much as my siblings did.” Pedro felt his heart drop, he couldn’t imagine having to go through such heartbreak at such a young age. 

“Alright, fine! Let’s all hear about how horrible of a mother I was! Is that what you want?!” 

You groaned as you got up from your seat, “oh my god! Why can’t you see it! You abandon-” 

“God you have to make a big deal out of everything, huh. No wonder you’re such a great actress.” 

Pedro was trying his best to remain calm, but all he wanted to do was lose his cool. He knew he couldn’t though, you needed someone who would stand their ground and support you. He watched as you paced near the window, he got up and walked over to you. 

“Mija, breathe,” he whispered. 

“I can’t do it anymore, I can’t handle it,” you choked out. 

“I know,” he said as he gently rubbed your back. “Do you want to end the session?” You gave him a nod. 

“What we ending the session now because Y/N is too sensitive?” Your mother hissed. 

Pedro couldn’t handle it anymore, “Alright, if you hate your daughter so much then why not give her up, then? Why make her life so miserable?” Pedro finally said. 

Your mother hesitated, she had been trying to paint herself in good light all day, “and who would I even give her to?” 

“Me, because I can do a better damn job being her parent than you ever could, hell, I’ve been a parent since I met Y/N.” 

“Then why is she in this mess?” 

“Have you tried looking in a mirror? Maybe you’re the reason why she’s in this mess. I couldn’t always be there with her, but this girl has been a blessing in my life. She is like a daughter to me and I will do anything to make sure she gets the proper treatment and that she is happy in life.” 

You looked at Pedro in awe, you were aware that he thought of you as a blessing in his life. He had said the same about Bella before, but you never imagined him saying that he thought of you as a daughter. There were times when you thought of Pedro as a father figure and even times were you almost did call him dad. 

He knew how to talk to you about certain subjects in life, he knew how you felt about things. 

He did everything a father should do and more. 

Your mother looked at your therapist, “Can we do that?” 

“I’m not really the person you should be asking, but I’ve seen situations where home life isn’t good, so the child goes to live with someone else. Adoption is a process, but you may want to look into having guardianship over Y/N,” she said the last part towards Pedro. 

Pedro looked over at your mother, she got up from her chair, “Alright,” she said as she grabbed her purse. “If that’s what y/n wants.” You gave her a nod, “we’ll talk about it then.” She turns to your therapist, “Am I done here?” 

Your therapist nods, “We’re done for the day.” Your mother then walked out of the room, not saying another word. You felt like it was too good to be true. She was a woman who liked having a puppet to torment. “I’ll leave you two alone for a little bit, but you do have activities in fifteen minutes, y/n.” 

Pedro thanked your therapist as she walked out before walking back over to you, “you okay?” 

“She’s not gonna give up that easily,” you stated. 

“I know,” he said softly, pulling you in for an embrace. 

“She’s a bitch,” you commented, “and I don’t get how she can just be so, ugh!” 

“Breathe,” he let go of the embrace, motioning for you to sit down on a nearby chair. 

You sat down on the chair, letting the tears make their way across your cheek, “I needed her,” you choked out. “Is it me? Am I the reason why she’s like this?” 

“No, Cariño. Don’t think that.” 

“Then what?” 

Pedro sighed, “Sometimes people who hurt end up hurting other people, especially those who don’t deserve to be hurt.” Pedro placed a hand on your back, “But you’re breaking that cycle, Cariño.” 

You let out a shaky breath, “I just wanted a mom. I wanted to be that girl who can call her mom up and chat about a cute boy.” It was all you wanted. A mom. Someone you called your best friend and occasionally fought with like you saw in the movies. 

“What about me, hmm?” You gave him a confused look, Pedro cleared his throat, “Okay, girl, dime,(tell me) did he like open the door for you?” He said in his best Cali girl voice. You couldn’t help but chuckle, but it soon faded, “I’m sorry, Cariño.” 

“For what?” 

He sighed, gently resting his head on top of yours, “If I could go back in time I’d rescue you from her, I hope you know that.” 

You smiled, “Pedro, you don’t have to be sorry-” 

He shook his head, “I hate that you had to go through that. I wish there was a way I could create a childhood you should’ve had.”

You felt tears well up in your eyes, “Thank you.” 

Pedro let go of the embrace, placing his hand on your cheek, “I don’t ever want to live in a world where you don’t exist. You’ve been a blessing in disguise and I’d be proud to call you my kid if you’ll let me.” You gave him a nod before choking out a sob, and he pulled you back into the embrace. “Eres como un hija para mi and I don’t need to share any DNA with you feel that way.” (you are like a daughter to me) 

You heard a voice over the intercom announcing that activities were about to begin. “I can’t wait to get out of here,” you managed to say. 

Pedro chuckled slightly, “A few more weeks.” 

You let go of the embrace, wiping away the tears, “few more weeks,” you repeated. You looked at Pedro and smiled, “Thank you.” 

“Of course,” he smiled. 

“I really mean it, thank you,” you began, “for being there when you didn’t have to be and for being my support system through my craziness.” 

He placed a kiss on your forehead, “Like I said, you are my blessing in disguise and I’m not letting anyone take it from me, not even you.” The voice came on the intercom again, “You should probably get going, but I’ll see you this weekend for the family outing?” 

You nodded, “Yes!” You began to walk away before turning back around, “Love ya!” 

“Love you too, Mija.” Pedro waved as you walked out of the room. Although nothing was certain yet, you were his kid. With or without documents. 

Pedro Pascal Taglist: @tracysnook  @cilliansangel  @change-the-world-someday  @graciegoeskrazy @oggystine93 @t-stark35 @twkobii @picklehat3r @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @white-wolf-buckaroo @steadydragongalaxy @rooting4theantihero @soupinasock @tracysnook @Ilovehotdadsandshit @dzaga890 @marantha @emmasauger @marysucks-blog

[floral-poisons]

What do you think of chat bots? That is a form of AI writing, I believe, but do you consider it to be okay?

I like to use a website called beta.character.ai, people can make their own bots on there. Is that site in particular a relatively good one? Or is it equally as bad, even if just for roleplaying or talking with your favorite character?

I’m not exactly sure if the people have to put their own writing and responses there to set up the bots, but I genuinely enjoy that app and was wondering if it would negatively impact writers, fanfic or not.

Thank you for reading though, I hope you have a great day! And thank you for the wisdom 🫶

i'm gonna be completely transparent about this.

i've used beta.character.ai.

i tried it out for fun a few months back (stopped using it because i got busy). it was fun while it lasted but in the end, i realized just how stale the chatbots are.

i've made a character too (i made agent whiskey aka. pedro pascal james bond cowboy). and to make the character work, generally, requires a lot of testing essentially. saying different phrases and such. it's actually really impressive how the bot is able to generate whole paragraphs from the intro message alone.

now, i'm not an authority on everything ai. i just have really strong feelings about it as a genderqueer, queer asian woman because it so easily can be weaponized against people like me and other marginalized groups (and it honestly will get to that point if we haven't reached it already) and i firmly believe in supporting human artists and human writers and such.

with a chatbot like beta.character.ai, i'm a little more neutral. i don't see the harm it can potentially cause to writers or fanfic right now. in fact, most of the bots and characters created are a product of fandom itself. it's a product of fans wanting to communicate with their favorite characters and sharing the bots they've made with people in their fandom. in a way, beta.character.ai is another mode of fandom and fanfic and roleplay, to some extent. the responses are just run by an ai rather than a roleplay partner.

furthermore, i have personally used beta.character.ai to practice my french. i literally told napoleon he was trash and that the french empire was trash in french. i think beta.character.ai would be useful in that regard and there are benefits.

the main issue i find with beta.character.ai is that it can quickly get boring (it did for me). if you're looking for smut, obviously the bots aren't allowed to do that. i feel like beta.character.ai is a lot better compared to, say, chatgpt. (i've never used chatgpt because i'm too lazy to make an account to use it. like wtf?)

i am not the end all, be all authority about ai and i shouldn't be. again, i'm just very vocal about it as a woman with many different positionalities and as someone in humanities which are being disproportionately targeted right now in the country i currently live in.

i think character.beta.ai is mostly harmless and as long as you're not using it to scam people and take advantage of vulnerable people or do generally shitty things, feel free to enjoy it.

obviously, also, remember basic internet safety rules and such.

flora out.

[the-jackals]

makes me wildly uncomfortable to see actual adults ask other adults, on television and/or media that will inevitably be seen my millions of people, things that should not be said in polite conversation.

like i get that pedro pascal is beautiful and amazing and very skilled, but "pop a slutty knee out" and "slutty little waist" and "daddy" are all thing that we talk about between each other because it won't reach whoever's ears it's about. And if someone does find what we say, it's put down to silly fandom banter and that's perfectly fine with me.

But like. Objectifying a whole ass man on public [television] and using the word slutty without a thought just. Idk maybe it's the SA/gen abuse survivor in me that's triggered by it but i don't. I don't think that should happen?

Like bless Pedro Pascal for putting up with it all the damn time, but what happens when an interviewer pulls that shit on someone who's been harmed by the language and can't or won't put up with it?

dgmw like i'm very happy that popular media is getting progressive with its use of language and acknowledging and praising of people who aren't white cis hetero christian men

but also very concerned about how close some people are to making objectifying people okay

[kaletastrophes]

The great Ethan Hawke once said “I’ve always had a thing for Westerns.” I, too, have always had a thing for Westerns. And a thing for Ethan Hawke. And, for the past year, a thing for Pedro Pascal. And next month all of my things are combining into one big thing. A film called “Strange Way of Life”, a Spanish western (anti-western?) about two former friends (lovers?) reuniting after 25 years apart.

To celebrate this momentous collaboration of all my "things" I would like to submit to this website a small collection of Westerns I believe would be helpful to watch before the release of Strange Way of Life next month. I’ve tried to give each film in the list a summary and a small explanation of why I included it in the list.

Some of these I’ve included simply because of how wonderful they are, some because I believe they’re going to inform Strange Way of Life in one way or another, and one because I, no lie, watched it in a movie theater with Ethan Hawke himself at a film festival he put on.

(@the-ginger-hedge-witch hi! I hope its okay to tag you the western queen in this! I thought maybe you would be interested in this western love fest.)

Without further ado:

Westerns I believe would make wonderful companion films to Strange Way of Life:

Red River

How does one delicately say….the scene in which Montgomery Clift meets John Ireland is so homoerotic and so sexy it’s almost unbearable. Have you ever wanted to watch two cowboys compare the weight and size of their dicks by trading guns? Well you’re going to love this film! To put it simply, as a wonderful youtube comment said, “give me one heterosexual reason for this scene. SPOILER there isn’t one!!” Exactly. This film has been hailed in film history for 2 things: the first being that Montgomery Clift burst onto the scene in this movie with a new way of acting (the method) that was so incredible it changed film acting forever. Literally. FOREVER. The second being, this is one of the gayest westerns ever filmed and has been viewed as one of the brightest examples of how homosexuality always found its way past censors. Clift and Ireland were lovers in real life and wow does that come through in every second of this film. Yes, sadly, John Wayne is in this film, but please don’t let this deter you. It’s simply incredible.

Summary: A father (John Wayne) and his adopted son (Montgomery Clift) feud over the management of a cattle drive from Texas to Kansas.

Unforgiven

What happens when one of our greatest Western actors ever, Clint Eastwood, thinks "actually Westerns promote an unrealistic black and white version of history and a kind of violence that is unrealistic at best and actively harmful to our society at worst"? You get THE Western to end ALL Westerns. (Note: please heed trigger warnings for this film!)

Summary: After a sex worker is assaulted, William Munny (Clint Eastwood) comes out of retirement to take one last bounty job and must finally confront the violent and reckless past he thought he left behind.

The Wild Bunch

One last job goes bad trope? Check. Men who have aged just enough they cant understand the modern world that now surrounds them? Check. Men driving themselves to madness after they violate their code of ethics by betraying a friend? CHECK. This film has it all, and it's why its considered one of the greatest Anti-Westerns ever made. And, as I've now mentioned twice before on this site lol, the wine scene in the Strange Way of Life trailer is, I believe, a direct retelling of a scene in this film.

Summary: An aging outlaw gang on the Mexico–United States border plan to retire after a final robbery but find themselves having to adapt to the changing modern world of 1913.

Hud

Paul Newman is HUD! Would you believe I added another Anti-Western to this list?? A father and son fight after their cattle falls ill. Thats the simple summary. My summary: What happens when masculinity becomes so toxic it's like a disease infecting everything and everyone around it? HUD is what happens. This is one of the films I watched at Ethan Hawkes film festival, Paul Newmans West, earlier this year. It's staggering. Hawke has clearly spent a long, long time thinking about Newman, Westerns, and his own life and career. Its hard for me to imagine he didn't carry at least a piece of this performance with him into Strange Way. (Note: please heed trigger warnings about this film as well!)

Summary: Honest and hard-working Texas rancher Homer Bannon (Melvyn Douglas) has a conflict with his unscrupulous, selfish, arrogant and egotistical son Hud (Paul Newman).

The Power of The Dog

ANOTHER gay anti-western?? Yes. YES. One of my favorite films. Loneliness and internalized homophobia destroy, we all know that, but it feels like it's never been said more powerfully or put more fully on display than in this film.

Summary: A domineering rancher (Benedict Cumberbatch) responds with mocking cruelty when his brother (Jesse Plemons) brings home a new wife and her son, until the unexpected comes to pass.

Brokeback Mountain

The film that started it all! Almodóvar famously turned down directing Brokeback Mountain in 2004 because he felt the studio would stifle his vision. “(Strange Way of Life) could be like my answer to Brokeback Mountain."- Almodóvar  What more is there to say? A watch (or re-watch) is imperative.

Summary: In 1963, rodeo cowboy Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) and ranch hand Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) are hired by rancher Joe Aguirre as sheep herders in Wyoming.

Extracurricular Films

Westerns staring Ethan Hawke:

The Magnificent Seven

In a Valley of Violence

The Kid

The Good Lord Bird (miniseries)

Westerns staring Pedro Pascal:

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Triple Frontier

The Mandalorian (series)

The Last of Us (series)

Films shown at Ethan Hawke's Film Festival, Paul Newmans West:

The Left Handed Gun

Hombre

Hud

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean

Buffalo Bill and the Indians or Sitting Bull's History Lesson

Highlights from Pedro Almodóvar's directing career:

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

All About My Mother

Talk to Her

Bad Education

Volver

Parallel Mothers