#actually happened! like christ alive get your own script

[david-watts]

there used to be this programme on sbs years back where it looked at whether certain homeopathic/natural/cultural medicine had actual benefits or not and I'm sure that programme did really good things in terms of legitimising genuine alternative treatments that have helped many people but what I mostly remember it doing was making my grandmother go 'see you don't need to be on medicine' and then not even allowing me to do the alternative medicine either. which was great

[rosedpetal]

Until Death Do Us Part

Summary: Harvey and you have been on a rocky road lately, but hopefully, you can still find each other.

Pairing: Harvey Specter x Reader

Word count: 932

Warnings: stablished relationship (reader and Harvey are married), mentions of body image struggles, hints at +18 themes.

Masterlist

"No. Absolutely not." Your husband frowned when you came out from the closet wearing your 'costume'.

A huff of annoyance leaves your lips.

"What the fuck is wrong now? Did I gain weight and suddenly you can't get up or something?" Venom drips from your sarcastic remark and Harvey rubs his temples.

"Why are you like this? Jesus Christ, Y/N, it's not about some shit like that, stop trying to make me a bad guy at every given chance!" He snaps. "It's just your stupid wings, okay? You look like you came straight from a Barbie movie, when you said you'd like to roleplay being a fairy, I thought you'd use one of those Lord of the Rings-"

"Those are elves. Not fairies. They don't have wings!" You seethe, taking your plastic wings off and accidentally pressing the light button on them, turning the pink leds on, and Harvey's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"I'm sorry if my knowledge in a fictional world lore is lacking, it's because I actually have a real job."

That was cruel and uncalled for and he knew it. Harvey had a bad habit of saying the most callous things without even thinking. It didn't help that he hated the idea of roleplaying from the very beginning.

"How could I forget, it's the only thing you care about!" You raise your voice, and it breaks in the end. "Tonight was supposed to be fun!"

Harvey immediately regrets the jab he made at your wings. Well, it's not that he couldn't get himself to be motivated by you while you were wearing them... It's just that it was fucking weird because he was a grown man and he was pretty sure his kid niece wore the same pink fairy wings every Halloween.

And he could explain that to you, but you just had to make a self deprecating comment about your body and imply that he wasn't man enough to look past his partner putting on some weight.

Which was another ridiculous thing, because, seriously? He couldn't care less if you were a size 2 or 20. It didn't matter. He married you because he loved you, inside and out, and you weren't an airhead that couldn't carry on a conversation with him. He respected you. He was interested in what you had to say (most of the time, at least).

But for months now, you two have been fighting nonstop, and more than often saying some hurtful shit to each other and no longer searching for the comfort of each other's arms in the middle of the night.

He wondered if your sudden self consciousness regarding your body was because you've been stress-eating ever since the chasm between you two was created.

Harvey was selfish, harsh, arrogant and snappy, but he wasn't insensitive to how women sometimes had insecurities that ate them alive.

He sighed, following you in the closet, his chest tightening at the sigh of your angry tears while you put on sweatpants and a top (the sleepwear you wore on nights you made sure no intimacy was gonna happen).

He even agreed on going to therapy with you, which he thought was an admission of defeat, that you two weren't mature enough to solve your problems on your own.

"Honey." He called, his voice soft with regret.

He hates the 'homework' your therapist gives you every week. A dinner date, a little getaway, a road trip, sitting down and talking for an hour. He feels like his own relationship is being scripted and that you can't find common ground anymore.

"What?" You wipe your tears, unable to look at him in the eyes.

"We don't roleplay." He said in a teasing tone. "Why would I want you to pretend to be someone else when you already exist?"

He gently holds your face in both hands, wiping the remaining tears with his thumbs.

"I'm an idiot. I promise my reaction has nothing to do with whatever's been making you feel vulnerable right now. Seriously. The wings just reminded me of halloween, and halloween reminded me of children going trick-or-treating and you don't want your husband to be thinking of children in the bedroom, do you?"

You grimaced. "God, no."

"Glad we're on the same page, babe." He gently pressed his forehead against yours. "Dance with me."

"There's no music." You sniffled.

"We have a nice record player in the living room. Come on, baby."

Gently, he guided you out from the room, his fingers intertwined in yours as he put on some sappy jazz music. He sways barefoot with you on his arms, your head on his chest, and it takes you back to simpler times.

"I'm sorry. For everything." He's the first to speak, and you appreciate the sentiment, because you know how hard it is for him to apologize, specially when he's the first one to bend the knee to make peace.

"We'll get through this." You mumble, and he kisses the top of your head, and suddenly the golden ring on your finger feels lighter.

"I love you more than anything in the world, darling. Please, don't doubt that. I need you to remember that every single day, specially when I'm at my worst."

"I love you too, Harvey."

He knows there's a long way to go, but the little progress you made tonight makes his heart feel more at ease, as long as you're both on the same side, because he knew with every fiber of his being that he meant it when he said 'until death do us part'.

[blorbosondeck]

fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts​

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!! 

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas​

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas​ 

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3 

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up. 

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones 

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

[lucemferto]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TECHNOBLADE (or A Narrative Analysis of the Dream SMP Doomsday Event) - Script

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! I am planning on doing a big dumb, way too long analysis video on the Dream SMP which will – at my current pace – come out in five years. I am already way too late on this one.

Spoiler Alert for the Doomsday Event that took place on the 6th of January in the Dream SMP. Surely the worst thing to take place on the 6th of January 2021 … I’m sorry, what’s this about the Capitol?

In case you don’t watch the SMP and need context: The Dream SMP is a Minecraft Multiplayer Server, that, throughout the last year, has transformed from a normal Let’s Play to an ongoing new-media series streamed by multiple high-profile streamers such as Dream, TommyInnit or Technoblade. It comes complete with script – by which I mean loose bullet points – and story events. It has attracted a large fanbase specifically invested in the story and less so in the actual gameplay content. Like I said before, I will probably do a big video on the Dream SMP at some point in the future.

The storyline is long and complicated and trying to explain it all would take up the majority of the video and there are other channels who have already done a much better job than I could ever hope to do, so give them a watch. I’ll try to summarize all that is pertinent to what I will talk about in this video.

Okay, let’s speedrun this summary. Cue the music!

Major Players here are TommyInnit, a founder of the independent nation of L’Manburg, Technoblade, an anarchist who was deep in conflict with L’Manburg, Tubbo, Tommy’s best friend and current president of L’Manburg, and Dream, the ruler of the Kingdom of the Dream SMP (even though he is not the king, but we’re not going to get into that right now). Tommy had in the past been exiled by Tubbo for endangering L’Manburg’s shaky peace with the Dream SMP. Tommy had then teamed up with Technoblade, who was hellbent on destroying L’Manberg after some prior altercations – more on that later.

Tommy and Tubbo came into conflict during a festival set-up to celebrate the friendship between L’Manburg and the Dream SMP. After punching out their feelings, Tommy came to the realization that his friendship with Tubbo was more important than his vendetta against Dream and those who exiled him. Techno took that change of heart badly and teamed up with Dream to destroy L’Manburg … and that’s exactly what happened.

Techno and Dream, with little to no opposition, obliterated L’Manburg with no hope for recovery leaving its inhabitants stranded hopeless and alone.

… And that’s what you missed on Dream SMP!

Okay. So, usually I just put whatever thought slime drips out of my mouth hole into your subscription box. But then I asked myself: “Am I not taking this a largely improvised nonsense story from a bunch of 16–24-year-olds a little too seriously?”. And then I remembered. I’m a pretentious bitch. I made an 18-minute video explaining why the popular commentary YouTuber memeulous is secretly the time travelling Anti-Christ, REASON HAS NO SWAY OVER ME!

So, like the English Major drop-out that I am, I will present you with two theses, which I will then combine into one … supratheses! That word doesn’t exist, I just coined it, it’s mine! I am very smart!

[I know words, I have the best words!]

 Thesis #1: The Fandom focuses too much on Character Analysis in Favour of Narrative Analysis

The Dream SMP is truly something special. It is uniquely singular in how it tells a story of this scope through its chosen medium. While there is an overarching script that lays out the plot points of the future, each of the 30+ streamers on the SMP are their own cameraman, director, writer and actor. You cannot watch “the Dream SMP” – if you attempted that, you would be 80 by the time you caught up to the Doomsday Event. You have to choose whom to watch. You have to choose your focal point character.

Because by the way the story is told and consumed – aka in such a compartmentalized fashion; you watch one streamer and get one character’s perspective – it has sort-of unintentionally conditioned fans to look at the SMP and its characters less as one coherent story with messages and themes and more as sports teams they can root for. You’re Team Techno or Team Tubbo or Team Tommy or Team JackManifoldTV (formerly known as Thunder1408) and every other side is in the wrong! It’s like Twilight for a decade old children’s game about virtual Lego!

Okay, I’m exaggerating, but the amount of discourse perpetuated by and revolving around so-called “apologists” – a terrible term that unfortunately has caught on – is really not something that I think is good for how we interact with the story of the Dream SMP.

The Dream SMP is discussed a lot on character-based level, which is, like I said before, hugely advantaged by the way the story is consumed by its audience. With traditional, visual media such as film for example, the audience can be made more aware of what messages the narrative might try to communicate on a narrative level without the need for an explicit narrator to tell you the moral.

As an example, in a movie you could have a smash-cut from the Butcher Army’s discussions about neutralizing the danger Technoblade poses to Techno being nice around villagers or taking care of animals. This would communicate on an extradiegetic level, that the Butcher Army is in the wrong with their assumptions. Alternatively, you could contrast Techno’s declarations that power corrupts and that Tubbo’s administration is cruel with Tubbo choosing not to punish Ranboo for his association with Techno – thus the narrative would communicate that Techno’s view of Tubbo and by extension the government is one-sided and not true to reality.

Stuff like that helps the viewer understanding a story holistically and manages to communicate stuff like themes and morals without having to solely rely on in-character logic and argumentation, which, as Ghostbur put it so eloquently, is comprised of a bunch of unreliable narrators.

Character analysis is great if we want dive deep, if we really want to give a character flavour and understand their motivations. It helps make the universe feel like it is alive, like it’s real. But – and this might be a shocker for you – it’s not real. It’s written. It is construction – and as such, in its construction, it has messages and themes and morals, intentionally or unintentionally.

By being so focused on specific characters and their individual journeys, viewpoints and motivation we really run the risk of not looking at the bigger picture and fail to see what the overarching narrative is actually communicating. And we may also fail to understand how characters might or might not fit into the overarching narrative.

Speaking of which …

 Thesis #2: Technoblade experiences very little Meaningfultm Thematic Conflict

Okay, let’s talk about Technoblade. I’m sure I’m not going to get any hate for this one.

I want to preface by saying that I don’t watch Technoblade’s streams; I catch up though clip channels and summaries. I’m mainly watching Tommy, Tubbo and Quackity – which is honestly already more than I can handle – but I want to be clear that while I’ll try to be as even-handed as possible – like I explained previously – the way I consumed the storylines will undoubtedly leave me with some bias.

Also, needless to say, I’m talking about the character Technoblade, not the actual content creator, unless I specifically say so. That should be obvious.

Now, I’m not doing a Technoblade character analysis, because that would be hypocritical of me – seeing how I just bitched about the overwhelming amounts of character analyses in the fandom – but I’ll try my best to summarize what is necessary.

Technoblade’s interesting in that he is a very static character – at least inwardly – he doesn’t change much. He is very steadfast in his beliefs and ideals and has very little introspection. He doesn’t question himself; he doesn’t waver, he is never in a bind about whether what he’s doing is right or wrong. He is very much a parallel to early TommyInnit – who, of course, famously said “I’m always in the right”.

And I want to emphasize that I mean this in no way as a critique of Techno’s character. A static character provides a nice contrast to more dynamic characters and can balance them out. It can also be utilised by the writing as a character flaw – which is what I hope content creator Techno is going for.

Like Techno doesn’t have a lot of empathy in the sense that he is particularly skilled at or interested in trying to see the viewpoints of others. There is never an attempt to reconcile, for example, the goal of the Pogtopians to reclaim L’Manberg and install another administration with his desire for an anarchist society. This is also compounded with his overreliance on violence as the only tactic for conflict resolution – Techno has a whole thesis statement about violence being the only universal language. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote.

And lastly, what really drives this all over the edge, is his all-or-nothing approach when dealing with the enemy – he is not so much eye for an eye as he is – to use another biblical example – you make fun of me for being bald and I’ll sic two bears on you that maul and kill you and 41 other children.

There’s also the open and completely unacknowledged hypocrisy of a self-described anarchist working together with a man that installs and dethrones Kings with his every whim – someone who – and I cannot stress this enough – hits about every box when it comes to the definition of tyrant.

So, what I’m saying is that Technoblade is the Dream SMP equivalent of Dick Chenney. C’mon you know it’s true! He will bomb that freedom into your country whether you want him to or not. That’s some cogent political commentary in the year 2021.

Okay, so now that I’ve outlined his character, what kind of conflicts does Technoblade face. Well, it’s mostly physical or external. He fights a lot whether it’s against Quackity or Sapnap or bodying Karl Jacobs five times in a row. And – with the exception of maybe Sapnap – none of it is challenging. Technoblade is the best PvP-Player on the server – there really isn’t much tension to be had from a purely physical fight.

So, how are these fights supplemented emotionally. Well, internally there is not a lot going on. As I said before, Technoblade isn’t really an introspective character. Even during his shouting match with Tommy there’s not a sense that Technoblade is wavering or unsure of himself in the way that Tommy is. He exposits that one of the reasons, he acts like he does is that he feels dehumanized; that people only use him like a weapon and then discard or even try to neutralize him once he’s no longer useful.

But that is not something that Technoblade has to grapple with – it’s not conflict for him, it’s more conflict for Tommy. Technoblade is self-assured in that he’s a person and not a weapon – it’s almost like there was a character arc there, where Technoblade self-actualizes and breaks away from the people that want to use him. But we didn’t see any of it. Technoblade unleashes the withers; then he goes into retirement because he wants to be, I suppose, and then he returns to violence as a reaction to the Butcher Army. There is a story of vengeance here, but not any conflict about being used. There is never a point where we see Technoblade come to this realization or comes to assert himself.

In season 1 there’s never a push from Pogtopia where the narrative frames them as exploiting Technoblade. He fights with them of his own volition, he gives them weapons and armour of his own volition. Nobody pressured Techno into procuring their inventory for the fight. And in Season 2, he’s the one to approach Tommy about their potential partnership – he is in the position of power here, explicitly not Tommy.

Like, I’m sorry, if this ruffles some feathers, but I really don’t see this arc where Technoblade is being used. There’s a story of misunderstanding and maybe co-dependency – but not of dehumanization. This entire line of thought seems to solely reference that moment, where Tommy says to Sapnap “I have the blade” during one of their wars – which, to base an entire emotional arc around that without any further set-up, is, and I’m sorry to say that, incredibly flimsy.

Okay, so we covered physical and emotional conflict? But what about conflict on the narrative level? Well, that leads me to my suprathesis …

 Suprathesis: The Narrative is Unclear on how it treats Technoblade … and that’s Not Good.

Here’s a Hot Take: The narrative of Season 1 treats Technoblade way less sympathetically than that of season 2.

Let me explain. The narrative of Season 1 revolves mostly around Wilbur and Tommy. The emotional fulcrum of the overall narrative is Wilbur’s rise and fall from Grace – and Tommy succeeding him as symbol of L’Manberg’s “special”-ness. Now I will talk about all that more in detail, when I talk about Season 1 of the Dream SMP. So, you’ll just have to go with me on this one for now.

Technoblade, by contrast, doesn’t really have much going on thematically in Season 1. He mostly exists as a sort-of utilitarian character – he is an accessory to make story beats happen. Like him executing Tubbo doesn’t open up any sort of thematic conflict involving him – on a character level it sets up antipathy between him and Tommy and it grants us some insight into how he operates with his violence speech – but on a larger-scale narrative level it really just shows how far Wilbur and Tommy have drifted apart in how they react to the event.

His biggest contribution is during the Season 1 finale, but even there he plays second fiddle to Wilbur. Not just because Wilbur does way more destruction with his explosion than Techno does with his Withers, but also because Wilbur had an emotional and thematic climax to his arc and by extension the entire storyline. Like Techno’s is a cool moment and very epic visual but in terms of thematic relevance, his Theseus-speech is really more set-up for Season 2.

And Season 1 is very unambiguous about L’Manberg being good and Tommy’s ideals ultimately being morally justified – I mean, they have a whole speech about it in the end and it was built-up throughout the entire Season – Techno is cast in a … less than sympathetic light. He is, if not a villain, then definitely an antagonist.

But with Season 2 the narrative is either uninterested in or not very clear on exploring Technoblade’s flaws.

Like ask yourselves: is Technoblade’s character ever consciously challenged by the narrative? Are his actions ultimately shown to not be in the right? Are his beliefs about government and power ever called into question? Are the negative consequences that his actions cause ever shown to be larger than the “good” he does?

I think what exemplifies this the most is how the Butcher Army event played out on December 16th. Now, during that event, the Butcher Army, which was comprised of Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy and Ranboo, managed to apprehend Technoblade, who at that point was living the quiet retirement life, and tried to have him publicly executed – without trial.

Now, smarter people than me have pointed out that the Butcher Army had a bevy of in-character reasons that can justify or explain their actions. And that’s definitely interesting, but as I said before, I want to get away from that and look into how the Butcher Army is treated on a narrative level. Because this is one of the few instances where the otherwise grey-loving Season 2 has some very clear narrative intent when it comes to morality.

The Butcher Army is very deliberately framed as almost cartoonishly corrupt and violent. They very forcefully investigate Philza, mock him and then put him under house arrest – and there’s just no remorse in the script even from normally sympathetic characters like Tubbo.

Compare and contrast with the Tommy-exile scene, which is also an act of moral ambiguity and is treated as such. And things get even worse once the Army arrives at Technoblade’s abode and attack him after he softly tells them that he has left that live behind him. They then proceed to take his horse hostage, mock him and execute him without fair trial – and I haven’t seen it but from live commentary I gathered that Techno really played up the whole softie-schtick before the Butcher Army arrived. I mean, before the big Technoblade vs Quackity fight, Quackity had whole villain monologue for Christ’s sake.

And even afterwards, the Butcher Army really plays up the corrupt angle with Tubbo proposing a festival as a guise to publicly execute someone. And again, I know that on an intradiegetic there’s nuances and it’s not really comparable to the Red Festival, but in combination with what the audience has seen up until that point and with how much it feeds into the already established themes of history repeating itself and becoming like your predecessors, it really does not paint a pretty picture of the Tubbo administration.

You can feel the heavy hand of the script on your shoulder, which is a feat seeing how – as discussed before – that’s not something that can be easily accomplished in this medium.

And that is what I mean when I say that Technoblade is not really challenged by the script and is in this case even emboldened by it. Because after this whole ordeal the thought of Technoblade taking revenge by destroying L’Manberg doesn’t seem like such an extreme response to the viewer – even though in my opinion, it is.

As of right now it is too early to say how the narrative will judge Technoblade’s actions in the future. Will they be framed as extreme but ultimately justified or perpetuating a cycle of ever-escalating vengeance? Will we ever see a government that’s not just at best misguided and at worst completely awful?

Ultimately, I believe and hope that Technoblade will be challenged by the narrative, mostly because a character that cannot, believably, be physically challenged, who doesn’t have any meaningful internal conflict about what he’s doing; and who does come out on the other side having everything he always believed in be proven completely in the right by the narrative, would be incredibly boring. Not just to watch but also to play as.

As it stands now, if the destruction Techno, Phil and Dream inflicted upon L’Manburg is framed as ultimately in the right, I would find it personally a distasteful message to send. I would ultimately say that the “correct” way to counter corruption in government is to completely obliterate the entire country. Like we’re not talking simply disbanding the government – that’s not what Doomsday was – we’re talking complete and utter annihilation. And that would be cynical and depressing. Like, call me a big softie, but even bothsidesing this argument would be bad.

Like, I’m not calling for Technoblade to be transformed into or treated a monster like Dream. But I personally feel like the narrative needs to acknowledge that the Doomsday was something that was taken way too far and that it ultimately brought more harm than good. And Technoblade needs to held accountable by someone who is not a cartoonishly corrupt government-official or who is in conflict with him anyway, like Tommy.

I thought Philza or Ranboo could do that but seeing how their storylines are progressing I don’t believe that will be the case. But who knows, maybe Captain Puffy will come through for us. We stan a Queen.

 Conclusion

So, yeah, I made this entire video just to air out my grievances with how one-sided the mode of analysis is in the fandom, because no person actually involved with the production of Dream SMP will ever see this.

But after everything I am cautiously optimistic, that content creator Technoblade knows what he’s doing. He has talked in the past about how his character is a bad guy and he loves his Greek myths. After all what’s more Greek myth than hybris being rewarded with punishment? [Technoblade never dies] That bodes well for him.

Also, this isn’t the video I promised at the end of the last one!

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 5: the Issue that Made Me Stop Reading MTMTE for Three Years

So, Megatron’s still getting space-bridged in the torso. That’s still happening. Nova Prime and Galvatron are coming through the rift, as Shockwave, who seems to have lost most of the mass in his lower body, thanks Megatron for his service.

Robert Gill’s on art for this issue alongside Ramondelli, and this is basically the only place we’ll be getting a taste of his style. Let’s see what he’s bringing to the table.

JESUS CHRIST.

WHY DO YOU HAVE GUMS.

Nightmare Murder Death Ravage, the Decepticons, and the Autobots just broke into Shockwave’s underground lair, and are ready to kick some ass. Shockwave was expecting this to happen, because he is a very smart boy, and also apparently genre savvy. Soundwave tackles Shockwave to the ground, and gets insulted for his troubles.

Sir, your eye's been turned into a silver-dollar pancake.

Shockwave calls in Metalhawk to handle these goons who’ve broken into his domicile, and Metalhawk, who legitimately looks like he’d snap in half if the breeze blew the wrong way, gets to work. Bumblebee tries to reason with the man- ripping off his whole-ass face to reveal... his face... in the process- but it’s useless. Metalhawk is just too het up about politics.

Over in another part of the room, Ironhide and a couple of buddies are going to lay the smackdown on Nova Prime and Galvatron, who are still coming out of the space bridge. They’ve been at this for like ten minutes now. Ironhide starts trying to shove Nova Prime back through the bridge, punching him in the face as he does. Megatron, at this point, has lost his arms. They’ve simply disappeared from the scene at hand.

The art isn’t great this issue, if you couldn’t already tell.

While this is happening, Skywarp is busy messing with the medical equipment Megatron’s hooked up to, and losing his corporeal form, because that death wave from a couple issues back did, in fact, hit him a little.

This is the Rattrap issue, by the way.

Over with Arcee, it would seem as though we’ve given up on even pretending to give a shit about size continuity, as Rumble and Blitzwing are the same height now. These three are on a mission to grab some of the resurrection ore and bring it back to base for the wounded, which is nice of them.

Shockwave shoots Soundwave, then calls Waspinator over, as Skywarp sticks his little hands into the ore that’s growing out of the walls. This makes him better, I guess? Because it’s resurrection ore? Even though he’s not dead? Also, his mouth looks like it’s full of wood pulp, and I don’t like it.

Bumblebee is trying to make a breakthrough with Metalhawk, but there’s no time for that, as Shockwave’s up to some weird nonsense involving Nova Prime.

The same could be said of this entire comic event.

Waspinator meets up with Shockwave and hands him his “staff”. I use quotations because it super isn’t a staff, but that’s what it’s called in-issue. What it actually is… well, it looks like a gun with a stinger for a barrel. I know he had a gun that looks very similar in Beast Wars, and he whipped it out on the regular, but I guess it’s a staff now? A staff that isn’t even remotely a staff? TFWiki makes the claim that it’s his stinger, which makes way more sense, but I don’t know that I’d want to hand the rump roast portion of my own ass to the purple science gremlin, even if it did mean cool stuff was going to happen.

Look, I don’t know, okay? I think someone fucked up the script.

Shockwave pops off his gun hand and attaches the “staff”, claiming to know how to handle the Titan way better than Waspinator ever could, because he’s just that smart. Then the Titan comes to life and bursts through the ground. Ironhide, who is still straddling Megatron as he punches Nova Prime into submission, gets his shop wrecked by a giant fist.

Meanwhile, in the Dead Universe, we’re finally getting back to that whole Nightbeat thing. Everyone is very surprised to find him here, and sort-of, maybe alive? Dead Universe complicates things.

Back in Spotlight: Hardhead, Hardhead and Nightbeat went on an adventure together to Gorlam Prime, trying to figure out what the hell had happened to Nightbeat’s brain in Spotlight: Nightbeat, where he was brainwashed into being a sleeper agent for Nova Prime, who was still in the Dead Universe at the time, and are you beginning to see why I sort of just gave up on following the plot and stopped reading? You have to have read essentially all of Phase 1 for any of this to make sense. Between that and the art, I was just sort of over the whole thing.

Anyway, Hardhead had to shoot Nightbeat in the head after the dude got his… brain taken over. There were some little tiny guys involved, Jhiaxus was there, it was weird. Because Nightbeat died at the edge of a portal to the Dead Universe, it took his body and dragged him inside, both trapping him and keeping him alive.

Rodimus isn’t too keen on this turn of events, and Hardhead feels really awkward about the whole thing. Nightbeat seems to be taking being an off-brand zombie in stride though, as he immediately makes himself a nuisance to Cyclonus, by way of cold-reading the guy. Because he’s a detective, he’s pretty good at it.

Nightbeat, you fool! It’ll be another 22 issues before Cyclonus is ready to even acknowledge his feelings!

Orion Pax breaks it up before we can see what Cyclonus considers a good punishment for putting him through the ordeal of being known, and we finally get back on track.

Back on Cybertron, I guess there’s been a bit of a time skip, as Megatron is back on his feet and carrying Ironhide to safety. Also, his mouth has gone AWOL. He tries to ask Bumblebee what the plan is, only to be interrupted by Galvatron ripping him in half.

God, I wish you hadn’t found your mouth, Megatron. This is awful.

Galvatron throws Megatron on the ground, and things just keep getting better, because now the Titan’s up on its feet, and Shockwave just told it to go ham.

Back in the Dead Universe, things are getting complicated, and I don’t think we’ll be getting answers any time soon.

Oh, well, I’m glad Nightbeat is as lost on this whole thing as I am.

Hardhead wants to know what was up with all that cryptic bullshit Nightbeat was spouting off earlier, and Nightbeat reveals even more details about Cyclonus- his forcefield generator was damaged when they got to the Dead Universe, and now he’s infected with… I dunno, bad vibes, I guess. That’s why he got sick a couple issues back, and also why the Cyberwraiths ran away from him; the Dead Universe is assimilating him back into its fold.

Even though it’s been established to want literally everything inside it dead.

Though Cyclonus did spend six million years hanging out in the Dead Universe, so maybe it’s fine, actually.

You know, truth be told, I’m not sure exactly how it works, and neither does anyone else, it would seem.

Anyway, Nightbeat tells the fellas to hold tight while he goes to grab somethingaaaaand he’s trapped them in a magic box.

Ugh, whatever, Orion.

Turns out getting shot didn’t fix Nightbeat’s sleeper agent issue, and now the boys are going to pay for being so chatty.

And that’s a series wrap on Team -Imus! Let’s give ‘em a hand, folks!

At this point, Nova Prime reveals that he did, in fact, get shoved back through the space bridge, and is still in the Dead Universe. Sucks to be him, I guess.

...Man, this Rattrap issue was great! Loved the part where he was in it.

[sanoiro]

Lucifer 5x09 - Family Dinner -Spoilers & Speculation

Written by Joe Henderson

Directed by Nathan Hope

Nathan Hope has directed

1x02 - Lucifer, Stay. Good Devil 1x13 - Take Me Back to Hell 2x01 - Everything's Coming Up Lucifer 2x07 - Trip to Stabby Town  2x10 - Quid Pro Ho 3x05 - Welcome Back, Charlotte Richards 3x19 - Orange Is the New Maze 5x07 - Our Mojo He will also direct Episode 2 or 3 of S6

Behind The Scenes Video 

Ignore the fact that I accidentally watermarked it with the number 519... 

The Case & Deckerstar

Now we can start with the case of the week.

The murder happens at Golf n Stuff which is rather popular due to the scenes that were shot there for The Karate Kid. Rafferty was actually giddy over that.

So we have a murder. After over 70 episodes we know that the case of the week is somehow connected to the main plot and that it leads to a resolving of Lucifer’s issues or at least a small or big breakthrough.

The victim in this case was burned to death or at least he was… charred. A bit like how Mum ‘enlightened’ Jared in 2x17 but worse.

(In order to make sure most bts are included I have put them in the same file in their original resolution and you need to open the image and zoom. You can do it from your PC, MAC or mobile)

The mini golf has several fun statues like knights and pirates but what was not supposed to be there was the figure at the hole where nearby the victim was found. To be more You might have guessed it has many teeth by the photo and the answer is, it’s a reddish dragon head.

Back in December I came across the props building it and I thought it was cool but I wasn’t aware it was for Lucifer as the account is not affiliated with our crew or production. So imagine my surprise when a friend told me about what she had seen on the lot and going through the archived bts I found the victim photo as well.

You may have noticed it but in two particular episodes more dragons made their appearance. First it was at the second showrunner’s office in 503. There we see a dragon impelled by a sword, it seemed really out of place but I then correlated it with Baphament’s blade which is a representation of Azrael’s blade.

Later on I saw something else. In 508 Pete’s apartment had shelves dedicated to dragon figures as well as some knights. All along I was wondering can I even meta about that? What can it symbolise if it means anything at all? For some reason all I could think was the movie ‘Dragonheart’.

But let’s assume they have laid some hints, so far we have seen that they go very basic on bible and comic material so it’s funny how dragon-like Lucifer was presented in Series 3 of the black label of DC/ vertigo. But there are also more tidbits.

Now in 1x12 you all remember the Angel who was defeating a very Lucifer-looking Satan?

That was a prop. But it is derived by the work of Guido Reni ‘Michael and Satan’ (1636) Who was in turn influenced by Raphael’s painting ‘St. Michael Vanquishing Satan’ (1518) and if we go to Raphael’s early works... St. Michael (1504-1505)

Anyways!

The investigation of this ‘week’s’ case has its usual suspect chase which leads us to an arcade where we can spot some members of the crew doing rounds with the go-carts on that location. What I do know is that we are looking for someone young as far as guest posts go but other than that not much is known. The case seems to be progressing slowly but at some point the murderer appears to want to skip town so the leads bring us to L.A.’s train Union Station.

We also have scenes at the precinct during the case as we have seen from Aimee’s bts but not much is known there. 

Now the suspect might be played by the elusive guest of this episode John Clover whose appearance was posted on Reddit and had sparked the first speculations over the title of the episode.

We should now wonder whether the theme of this episode’s case which takes us to gaming areas has anything to do with how Lucifer views his Father’s appearance in the mid-season finale and whether it will provide him with a resolution to not act in a rush way. The same after all happened with Mum.

Do not forget that Lucifer in Season 2 and especially at the beginning with Mum and when he thought Earl Johnson was his Father, Lucifer’s plans changed as his vengeance turned to a slow paced questioning over why their relationship deteriorated. 

For an Angel who was ‘forced’ - not yet clarified so let’s not take that for granted- to punish the guilty Lucifer seems to be more merciful, understanding and open to explanations in the long run especially with the people who wronged him. Amenadiel, Michael, Uriel, Azrael, Mum, and Earl ‘God’ Johnson.

As Amenadiel said in the Pilot Lucifer away from Hell showed restrain and mercy… Perhaps it is true that we cannot escape from what we truly are. In any case that’s meta talk!

Back to the Union Station. 

In the train station we have a bts where we can see Chloe and Lucifer chasing the suspect and from the photos and videos outside of it we can safely say they are successful on apprehending the murderer.

Now a funny incident was that during the shooting the area was closed to the actual travelers but somehow a Japanese tourist ended up sitting where the background actors were. No idea if it was her Pizza or it was given by the craft service but the girl was obviously bewildered on what was happening. It’s the little absurdities of life I guess…

It seems though as a lighthearted episode at first...

Do not be mistaken, the writers, cast and showrunners have revealed that in S5P2 we enter the emotional and equally dark (In P1 I missed the darkness aside from Pete of course) part of this season. It means that by the end of 5x09 as we roll on the last minutes of this episode, Lucifer is heavily conflicted and a resolution is needed, one that seems to be somewhat provided.

Since P1 I thought it would be weird to have Deckerstar break up for effect, in order to break us, especially since S5 was supposed to be the last season and S6 is effectively from what they imply (again cast and showrunners) an epilogue. So do not expect Deckerstar to break up but on the contrary as we saw Lucifer and Chloe in 507 they pull each other back up. 

It is why I’m wondering what will be unraveled after the arrest of 5x09’s murderer.

The end of the episode takes us at night to L.A.’s Grand Park. The Grand Park is across the City Hall by the way, and for the Christmas season it was decorated with a Christmas tree made out of light bulbs.

In the bts the prominent colour of that tree is deep lilac. That’s where our next Deckerstar moment will unravel. We should also be ready for the Lucifer Universe to acknowledge yet another holiday of the human world, Christmas!

A tiny break here but you should remember that on each side of the elevator we have two bronze plates depicting the transfer of Christ after he was taken down dead from the Cross. So in the most discrete of ways Lucifer’s Universe has acknowledged Christ and perhaps it was because before the Sumerian text set Amenadiel as the favourite son, in Season 1 and for the majority of S2 we knew Lucifer as the favourite one.

On the cross Christ (no I didn’t write Lucifer at first :P) according to the scripts in a moment of lapsed faith “Father, Father why do you abandon me?”. In a way we might meta that for 516 but also for what Lucifer has experienced so far and has so eloquently expressed in 3x11 and in 1x09.  

But back to the Deckerstar moment…

It takes place on the ‘balcony’ above the fountain as the purple Christmas tree is behind them. The setting happens at night and provides the place for our characters to talk, to open up and perhaps even express certain fears but also be urged to take advantage of the current circumstances.

From my perspective is the scene of a couple that talks a difficult matter but at the end of that talk they know each has the other’s back so they can step forward, take that chance and their partner will always be there to catch them if they fall. It is also how we will experience Lucifer finally opening up without Linda probing him. But whatever comes forward also gives space to truths and a realisation which will break our Devil as we have seen from the bts of the next episodes.

We might even have an understanding why ‘I love you’s’ are difficult for Lucifer and for Chloe to also realise that. We might even get Lucifer to say it. Here is to hoping…

On a final note. Maze in this episode seems to have gone MIA but many times we do not see the bts of every scene so all we have is Lesley-Ann’s bts from her trailer during that time. Also do not forget how things ended in 508. Maze did betray Lucifer and with God on Earth... 

The Dinner

This episode is expected to open back to the precinct. The reason is because it is a mid-season finale which means that the in between scenes are not implied but also because of some spoilers we had back in December.

As you remember the actress who played officer Cacuzza had posted on Twitter that she and Lauren were in a ‘very small’ room which had just been painted. That room we can safely say is the ‘evidence room’ and that Cacuzza managed finally to find a way to close the surveillance in order to take a nap.

Now do remember that back in S4 Cacuzza was also the officer who let Lucifer ‘sample’ the drug busts… I’m not sure if that will come back somehow but we do know that Cacuzza will appear later this season, whether alive or not is yet to be seen.

What we do know is from the clues that were given by the actress.

1) She will be in the same room as Chloe meaning we will revisit the evidence room once Dad arrives and perhaps it will be a comic moment? Perhaps a random human will figure things out? But what was interesting is that according to the bts photo we see the actress and Lauren in their own clothes while Dennis is in his ‘Dad/God’ clothes.

2) Both Chloe and Officer Cacuzza were supposed to act distressed and shaken. If we take the ‘I love you’ element from that scene for Chloe let’s remember that the evidence is suddenly a bit of a mess. A glass has broken, the sound and effect will be heard once the time has started running again and they are two cops in a room with no idea of what is happening outside. So perhaps the shaken and distressed effect comes before they open the door (or walk out) and are sure there is no imminent threat.

3) In my opinion in this episode Cacuzza has some lines no matter how brief they might be.

Now the question here is how to proceed.

We obviously have a Family Dinner from which only two bts exist. 

If we assume that the Family Dinner is arranged after the brothers have hid their wings and then Dad has met Linda then the dinner is set up by a very flabbergasted Linda.

I do expect Linda to bow by the way and for this dinner to bring some elements from 1x10 Pops. For this speculation I’ll include the video of the scene from that episode and I’ll try to tie them up with 5x09.

All the episodes in P2 are meant to do a full circle and the writers have based most of their storytelling on the events of S1 and S2.

So first the spoilers of what we know from 5x09 and then the ties we may find with 1x10 and some more past episodes.  

The 11 minutes are quite long but is it really all things concerning? 

Henderson tweeted that there will be 5 actors but as we know know Ellis plays two characters which is why the dinner scene may have taken three days to shoot so we should count six people at the Dinner Table.

The location will be (most probably) at Linda’s house as we have seen from a bts that her main table is full of different varieties of fruits and food in an attempt to recreate an Olympian affluent meal. For Linda is only normal to be out of her element and try to impress God. So far she has been almost killed by his ex, has a child that can be snatched away to the Silver City if she is not deemed worthy perhaps or even because of Charlie’s half genetic code.

Remember there was a stand in actor for Michael 

The problem Linda also faces is that she has supported Lucifer. Yes, he is her friend but how will God react to that? Having a human siding with His rebellious son? Linda as it has been written knows how far pissed off celestials can go and I’m sure she remembers Lucifer’s agony and fear over his Father where Chloe was concerned. So she tries, really tries to present a wonderful setting for the grandfather of her child.

So we do have Linda in the mix. Obviously God, Amenadiel, Lucifer and Michael. That makes us five characters and four actors. Little Charlie also makes an appearance as far as I’m aware as the twin babies were on set and that also contributes on why the scene took so long to be shot. However the babies do not count as the sixth character. Chloe though does.

In short we have:

Linda

God/Dad

Amenadiel

Lucifer

Michael

Chloe

and

Charlie

Another thing we should take into account for this scene is Rafferty’s posted script page of the midseason finale.

While Amenadiel and Lucifer appear shocked and in awe, Michael seems rather pleased. I mean he literally ‘Grins with excitement’.

Amenadiel in 5x03 said that the only one who was talking to the throne meanwhile Henderson as far as I remember in one of the post P1 interviews, revealed that God and Michael have a relationship that Lucifer wishes he had with Him. D.B on one of the virtual cons (or ET interview. I have issues with keeping track of them now) have said that the scene at the family dinner would be gut wrenching and absolutely fall down hilarious’.

So in this dinner we will get to know our characters more and as Ildy and Henderson have said Lucifer will go back being a 14 year old at the Thanksgiving table. That perhaps is the reason why the script episodes 510 and 511were reversed. The last time that had happened was in S1 in order for Lucifer’s vulnerability to not come too soon in the season. In the case of these two episodes I believe it has to do with Lucifer’s emotional state but also the constant collisions he will have with his father in the Family Dinner but also during the Musical episode.

Another aspect to consider is that if 5x09 reminds us a lot of 1x10 -Pops right now and 5x10 the Musical episode is directly influenced by 2x16 - God Johnson.

The next section will now be dedicated to a quick recap of 1x10 - Pops and the possible connection to Michael and his story.

Michael in 5x09 teases Chloe as she is kept captive that there is a bigger plan and ‘Spoiler Alert’ it will be EPIC. That can be left alone as a promise to see more of that plan in S5P2 but before we go forward we should also go back in 2x04 - Weaponiser.

Do you see the parallel? How far Uriel’s view of the ‘Patterns’ could go was always a meta I couldn’t crack. Sure Michael hinted as per one Anon hinted on Tumblr that Michael might have been the one to urge Uriel on Earth to kill Mum and hopefully Lucifer as well. It is also perhaps why we were reminded of Azrael’s Blade in 5x03 - Diablo with Baphament’s blade, the only blade that could kill the Devil. Perhaps that was Michael’s plan back then but it didn’t work out.

But is Michael the big villain? According to the showrunners no. There are more things happening but Michael has a reasoning, has a story, one that explains his deformity and is the hero of his own story as all  the other season ‘villains’ so far were. Mum, Amenadiel, Malcolm, Kinley, even Cain.

What the Interviews say about Michael:

Beginning with the parallel between the dinner we had in 1x10’s dinner and plot, and in what may have in episode 5x09 I would like to remind you- 

- at this point I have censored some spoilers, not speculations, spoilers for episodes of P2 that will not be added in the S&S -

I’ll return to this topic and explore it thoroughly as the S&S are written but for now remember that 1x10 might tell us more than what we think right now and it might take us as a point of reference even up to 5x16.

Between 1x10 and 5x09 we can also wonder what are God’s intentions, can we attribute them all to Michael’s manipulation or it goes beyond that because the showrunners have promised us an emotional P2. I do believe issues are addressed and Lucifer will have to come face to face with some hard truths without that meaning that Dad was always right.

In the Pilot - wait.. Pilot? Yes, 5x09 is an episode that slowly builds us to the very end. There are spoilers and references that need to be addressed from past and future episodes before and after 5x09.

We need to address that in the Pilot, Lucifer told Delilah the very truth he uttered to Linda where he was concerned in S4 (4x08). God has nothing to do with your mess. Like Delilah, Lucifer was putting the blame to others, circumstances and even questioned God. He was wasting his eternal life and his talent, which he eventually found in crime solving.

On cue we get to the scene with Chloe asking God what she is doing to a bar with Lucifer. And what follows is Chloe telling Lucifer how she saw things differently from everyone and she paid for it. That story for me at least rings a bell.

We still do not know why Lucifer was cast out, the actual reason. No matter the sexescapeding with Eve or the rebellion what was the core of all that acting out as Linda called it in season 2? Whatever it was if we go back to 3x11 we will see that Chloe in the Pilot is basically Lucifer in 3x11.

They feel alone, misjudged and while Chloe tries to move on and later in S1 finds what actually happened, in Lucifer’s case he gives up on waiting for forgiveness from his Father until Michael comes, and tells him that even his Fall was a manipulation.

In Pops Lucifer asked something very interesting what did the sous chef wanted? And the answer was to surpass Pops. I do wonder if that’s what Lucifer wanted in a way and of course Michael on Lucifer’s expense. Two ‘children’ fighting for attention but only one was groomed to take over.

Speaking of taking over at the end of the episode of 1x10 we learn that Pops despite what Junior had done still had his son in his mind for taking over the restaurant. Pops believed in his son but allowed him space to grow eventually when everything failed.

If you remember Zadkiel’s spoiler we see that in 5x15 for some reason Lucifer wants to re-join the Host. That aside from a reconciliation shows that like Junior, Lucifer for his own reasons - we do not know what has happened but we will go back to that in the S&S of 5x15 - wants what divine power has to offer.

What happens next is again interesting -censored-. I just want you to see how we do not deal with standalones but everything progresses towards a point, a familiar yet innovative point for the series.

In episode 2x01, Lucifer asks mockingly an offended Chloe who did she thought he took after, his Dad? That happened because Lucifer believed to have taken more after his mother but as we know genetics is a funny thing, Celestial genetics even more so.

God’s absence from Lucifer’s life shaped him. He did drove Lucifer to become something he wasn’t but after 4.5 seasons can we claim that Lucifer and God are nothing alike? 

Maze I believe was spot on on the similarities God and Lucifer held.

Lucifer believes in justice, in truth and is able to love. He has been more of an Angel than any non fallen Angel has ever been so far. 

Amenadiel tricked a dead human to kill Lucifer thus condemning him again in Hell however as we know from Charlotte’s case a redemption was not impossible. 

Uriel wanted to kill his mother and wouldn’t hesitate to kill Chloe in the process. Azrael is basically a liar and manipulator, Remiel would gleefully cut open a human for their half-celestial baby while Michael is really-really messed up.

So what has happened?

Like with Junior, Lucifer was pushed by his Father to become the man he is today. And Lucifer likes what he is, who he is because he sees the change and is even afraid of not being real when that change is questioned or exposed to him.

The same happened with Amenadiel, once he decided to embrace humanity and brotherhood. He changed for the better and became more ‘angelic’.

So yes, Junior’s story does apply to Lucifer on many levels. But Junior didn’t have that dinner with his Father, Lucifer will as they will do two more of his siblings. Some will be hurt, some will feel betrayed and some may walk out.

Which brings us to a very big question. 

Was Mum truthful when she said to Lucifer, his Dad wanted to destroy him? If the answer is yes, how will both deal with that? Because Lucifer may have not totally believed Mum.

If that answer comes to play we should consider it as the common question children come forward to when they learn they were not planned or their parents had opted at first to have an abortion. The fact that they didn’t get on with the abortion or had willingly made a child does affect their feelings towards that child now? Do they regret it? Do they want what that child has become?

These are all tough questions and sometimes the answers are not easy either. Mainly because humans like celestials with human emotions as it seems, are secure and balanced only with the totality of a circumstance. Everything or nothing, the rest in between are not welcome and it’s bound to hurt.

Finally, on this 1x10 weird reminisce. Can we say that Lucifer will be allowed in the end to create something that represents him? I think he may but more about that in 5x16 S&S.

Probably the story will not end with redemption but with Lucifer finally becoming his own person one that resembles a lot of Dad and Dad may accept or even encourage that path. That does not mean he will start anew though

Which brings us back to the adversary of 1x10 - Pops. The sous chef believed that Junior was not worthy of his father’s tolerance and reward so she made sure to destroy his reputation and went as far as trying to kill him. That sounds a lot like Michael.

Michael’s speech towards Maze about what was happening in the Silver City in 5x02 did echo the sous chef words:

So we should wonder if Michael will succeed to a point to ruin Lucifer’s chances and leave Lucifer live with the consequences in the end as our hero learns to move on from whatever injustice happened or the writers will provide a catharsis.

And a final question here… Is Amenadiel really the favourite son? I somehow doubt that, perhaps I’ll be proved wrong as in many interviews Henderson has gone back to Amenadiel’s arc as he learns he is the ‘favourite’ and so far he has not said anything to contradict the belief 2x17 brought to us with so many translated Sumerian words.

But as we said teh Dinner will not be cathartic on the contrary so does that mean that Lucifer eventually walks away? Probably.

At the photos that were posted near Christmas we have two bts one crystal clear and the other more hazy which shows Lucifer at the Penthouse and Dad being there in his white cardigan. I do suspect that meeting at the penthouse happens after the dinner but it does not resolve things between Father and son. it is also possible that it’s why we need the very emotional scene from the musical to be moved forward and 511 script to become 5x10 aired episode.

Perhaps the comment on it’s not just Lucifer who hits the keys was referring to Dad and not Maze in 5x01.

Although we cannot be sure on what will happen in the penthouse and whether Scarlet was meant to join that scene or simply was on set for the day (highly probable) for another scene, we do know that in this episode we had a LUX night. A most perhaps unconventional one.

By this point you know that the writers are ready to address everything or at least make parallels and so somehow we have one with 1x09 - A Priest Walks Into A Bar. This time however it is seems like God Walks Into His Son’s Bar.

If the camera is clear enough we can see God (?) talking to a white person. I would have loved it if it was Dan but I cannot tell for sure.

Whether that visit happens before or after the family dinner I believe it may happen before as the clothes Dennis wore at the lot around that time were different from the white we saw him appear with in the end of 5x08. Of course that does not say much as we will see Dad in the same/similar white clothes in at least three different episodes in Part 2.

Therefore in the conclusion of this S&S we should speculate that the Dinner is placed at the middle of the episode and a resolution is reached for Deckerstar in the end of the episode but Lucifer’s turmoil did fit better through the musical episode hence the change. 

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

have you ever dressed up for halloween or for like a costume party? what's your favorite thing you've worn? do you like wearing jewelry? do you listen to podcasts?what's an interesting historical event you know a little about? when do you feel the most comfortable? do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any you'd like to get? what's one thing you're proud of?

Wow, All in huh??? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

1) Have I ever dressed up for halloween or for a costume party? NNNNNNNNOT REALLY. I wasn’t allowed to do Halloween after the age of like. Five? Because my parents got MORE religious than they’d already been and they decided halloween was evil. And then as an adult I didn’t have a lot of local friends or money so... not really most of the time. BUT! There was ONE YEAR when I was in my mid-20s, that my wife and I went to a Halloween party with some local friends. She was Death of the Endless, we dyed her hair black, I did her eye makeup, there was a cardboard-covered-in-tinfoil ankh necklace and everything. I that year dressed up as Delirium to go with her. I bought fishnets that I tore a couple holes in, had some clompy boots, bought a skirt and shirt at the thrift store, and dyed my hair... like Half of it was red, half of it was just random spots of bleached, blue, and green. (I actually went to a job interview the next day and frantically reassured the interviewer that I was bleaching my hair and dying it a more natural color later that week) It was very fun as a costume tho. OH tho last year for halloween I loaned my wife a purple dress I sewed for myself and we got her some white tights and a white scarf, and I dug out my purple henley and and jeans some bandaids for my face and fingers, and we went as Hawkeye for Halloween. She was Kate Bishop and I was Clint Barton. That was probably my favorite even tho it was so low-effort. 1.5) On its own line, I think this “what’s the fave you’ve worn” was meant to be about the costumes, which I answered above, but IN GENERAL the thing I’ve worn that’s my favorite has been

Do I like wearing jewelry? I do like wearing jewelry! I need to get new earrings bc the ones I had got lost, but I used to always wear like, small gauge horseshoe earrings with the balls that screw onto the ends? I just lost the balls on the ends. I also wear a necklace every day. And I used to have a wedding band but I don’t have one that fits currently and it drives me NUTS bc even years without it I feel  like I should have a ring on that finger.

Do I listen to podcasts? I listen to podcasts off and on! Mostly MBMBAM, The Magnus Archives, The Penumbra Podcast, and Faculty of Horror. We relisten to early WtNV to sleep sometimes, and I keep meaning to catch up on TAZ, but that’s not active yet.

What’s an interesting historical event I know something about? ...Gosh that’s hard. Like, I know some stuff about historical eras or cultures but EVENTS??? Hmmm... I. Fuck. I abruptly cannot think of ANY HISTORICAL EVENT AT ALL. I’m a fucking History Major this is embarrassing. Uh okay so... I can’t think of anything. I’m so sorry. XD

When do I feel most comfortable? When I’m curled up in bed and have Birdie pressed against my back with her arm around my waist. Bonus points for literally any of our other partners in bed as well, but that happens so rarely. :(

Do I have any piercings or tattoos? I DO! Piercings are easiest. I have my left lobe pierced 3 times (though all but the first might be closed) and my right 2 times (tho ditto), and the upper shell of my left ear once (but again, closed). TATTOOS gosh, ok I have, in chronological order: a) a sort of cross between a cross and a peace sign on the inside of my left ankle. I got it when I was 18 and still a Good Christian Girl, my church bff designed it, it stood for peace in Christ, and the only thing stopping me from trying to get a coverup is the fact that it’s REALLY heavy/thick black work, and the location which was really painful. b) the kanji 天使 (which translates to “angel”) on my right inner forearm, over self harm scars specifically. I got this when I was 19 and back living with my bigoted conservative family and suicidal and trying to remind myself that I was loved. I also picked it out of a book and was lucky that book had the right kanji tbh, but I picked it bc my parents wouldn’t be able to read it, and it meant “angel” which was Birdie’s pet name for me at the time, and she was living across the country from me. If I could go back, I would get a different angel-themed tattoo in the same place, but at least I have the proper kanji for it if I’m going to have an ill-advised Japanese tattoo. c) a little curled ivy tramp stamp I picked out of a book in a little tattoo shop on St. Mark’s Place in NYC at like 2am, do NOT ask, it was dumb. Thankfully easier to work into a larger piece if I ever have the money for a back piece. d) text that is now near-illegible (due to the delicate nature of the script and the time since I got it) on the back of my left shoulder. It says “the universe has been waiting for me” in Birdie’s handwriting. It’s a line from Donna Noble’s last episode of Doctor Who, and I had FEELINGS. e) text on the inside of my left wrist that says “alive or dead, the truth won’t rest.” specifically in courier new. It’s a quote from @seananmcguire​‘s book FEED, and Birdie has a matching tattoo on her wrist as well. f) A tattoo of Coyote and the Sun, with color, on the outer side of my right calf. It’s the only colored Tattoo I have. I plan to get a semi-matching tattoo on my left calf that is El-Ahrairah and the Black Rabbit of Inle doing sort of a yin-yang esque circle chasing each other. it’s a Trickster thing, tying animals commonly considered  to be Tricksters with stuff that is meaningful to me. Coyotes have always been important to me, I grew up in Arizona there were always coyotes about and I always loved them, and then Watership Down was a surprise true love of a book when I was a teen.

Are there any piercings/tattoos I’d like to get? Piercings not so much. Maybe an eyebrow one day idk. Tattoos tho, goddamn, I’ve got SO MANY PLANS. I want to get text tattoos - either part of a larger text-heavy design or separately - of “It’s chaos, be kind”, “You are not obligated to complete the work, neither are you free to abandon it”, and “Do good recklessly”. Other quotes I’m sure but those three specifically. Obviously the Watership Down/Rabbit the Trickster tattoo I mentioned. Also a design from one of the tattoos on one of the guards of the Pazyriyk ice maiden. Also ngl I kinda want to get the sigils for witcher signs on the backs of my fingers. Some people get “THUG LYFE” or “FUCK YOU”, I get “I WILL FUCK YOU UP (in symbolic form)” XD

What’s one thing I’m proud of? The fact that I’m alive. ...Seriously, I’m quite proud of that, I’ve had some shit years in my life, and I’ve nearly not made it more than once. I’m proud as HELL that I’m here. I’m proud that I’m in college. I’m proud that I’m writing again.

Thank you for all these questions! So many, lmao, but I loved it, thank you. ^_^

[creeonaskateboard]

SPONGEBOB THE MUSICAL: If you Don't Appreciate It I Will Come To Your House And Shank You

I don't know that much about musical theater. I've probably seen... well like actual stage productions performed on a stage, I've probably seen maybe four in my entire life. Five maybe. So you know, I'm no expert on this subject. I don't know much about the field or when I see a musical. I'm no expert on things like composition or set design or when I see something in a stage play I can't compare it very well to other things. I don't know, like maybe what was borrowed, what has been done before what's new and innovative. I can't speak with any authority on those technical aspects of the genre, but does that mean that I can't have an opinion on something like this? No. No, of course not. Because to me art is not about technical execution. Appreciation of art does not depend on your knowledge of the genre or of the medium. It's been said before that it doesn't you don't have to be a great chef, you don't have to know how the food was made, you don't have to be a master chef, to taste a meal and say I like it or I don't like it. It's all about taste it's all about, you know, how does it make you feel. So with all that said, I'm here today to tell you that SpongeBob The Musical is a joyous fucking romp that made me feel alive again after years of numbness.It was like waking up out of a fucking stupor. I don't know what the costume design and other musicals were like, but I can say that to me the color design, the bright cerulean, the bright teal of Squidward during his fucking legendary tap dance number against those pink anemone dancers, blew me away and and was visually stunning. That the minimalist costuming that doesn't really try to make the characters look like the SpongeBob characters, but just suggests them, you know with like SpongeBob in his suspenders, and Patrick and his pink Hawaiian shirt, and Squidward with his teal wig, just does a perfect job of letting you know that these are the characters that you know and love, but giving them a fresh spin, and making it easy to buy into these versions, these human, dancing, singing, you know, acrobat versions of the characters as like a new fresh take on the whole fucking thing.I can say that every time a character would whip their head to one side and you'd hear the sound effect from the show the "woosh" sound of them turning their heads along with a light display in the background of like lines whizzing across to make it look like action lines, like the characters like, whooshing around, really felt like the show, but also just felt like inventive fucking use of the space, and use of the stage, to convey the action of the moment. That when Squidward with his incredibly cool fucking double legs, on his on his little four leg contraption there, walking around, tap-dancing on four fucking legs, making his little tentacle "squish, squish, squish" sounds with every step, just fucking, It made me smile every single time I saw it and heard it.That every time a colored spotlight shown on the stage to change one thing into another, like changing the movable couch. Changing the shape changing couch into a bubble by shining a blue light on it. That every time that happened I was fucking, like, stunned and just wanted to say yes. Yes they fucking did it. This feels incredible. That when a scene change would happen, and everything would go dark and then suddenly you'd been in SpongeBob’s fucking house a second ago and then it's dark, and then a second later the stage opens up and you see like the fucking acid green sky like projected in the background and suddenly we're out in the world, or it's just a pile ofboxes illuminated red, and it feels like we're we're climbing a fucking mountain, and these boxes are like falling around and being climbed up and spun around on, and suddenly we're on a fucking mountain, and we're singing, and we're dancing, and we're doing fucking acrobat moves as we clamber up a fucking mountain side that moments ago was, I don't know, the fucking public pool in Bikini Bottom.It just felt... It's indescribable that the script managed to work in callbacks to the show in natural ways. Like, when someone drops something offstage and a character says "My Leg!" but the script never bent over backwards to shoehorn them in. That it had the fucking restraint to wait until the very end to sing the SpongeBob theme song. That the best day ever song only comes right at the very end at an emotional moment, when it has the most impact. The callbacks and the references and like, the recycling from the show was used somewhat, but it was used perfectly, and with great restraint, and at a moment when it would have maximum effect. It was perfect.That it feels true to the show without just feeling like an episode of the show put to stage. It feels like its own thing. The script was written specifically for this format. It feels like a movie in scope, it's like a high-stakes kind of scenario for SpongeBob, but it just plays out all across Bikini Bottom, in all these different locations, and the set design just works every single time and makes you feel like you're going all over the place and seeing, experiencing, the full range of what the show has to offer, but in fucking new and vibrant and dynamic and novel way that's just a fucking joy every single time.I guess all I'm trying to say is that even though I don't know dick about musical theatre, all I know is that The SpongeBob Musical made me laugh, and made me feel, and made me feel feel joy and awe and surprise and delight and nostalgia and just fucking wonderment. It was just a beautiful performance. It's a gesamtkunstwerk. It's coming to Nickelodeon this December. I hope it fucking sweeps the ratings. It's incredible right? Can you fucking believe it? I can't fucking believe that I'm sitting here telling you that SpongeBob The Musical is not only a great piece of SpongeBob media, but just a great musical in its own right and in and of itself, but it is.It's the full package. It's worth experiencing. You need to experience it. Go fucking find it by whatever means necessary.If you don't watch SpongeBob the musical you are missing the fuck out. I could sit here and tell you about every little thing that happens in the story and every little moment and character and decision made in the portrayal of the story that I think is fucking great and genius and just the coolest thing ever, but I won’t. Just fucking go find it, go watch it, come back here, tell me what you thought, and fucking agree with me that it is the greatest show ever put to music, or I'll kill you. I will fucking kill you. I will obliterate you. I will reign holy hellfire down on you and erase you from existence. Your avatar will fucking dissolve on the battlefield if you try and face me on this. This is my hill to fucking die on. I will defend SpongeBob the musical to the death. If anyone tells me that "that's gay", if anyone says that it's dumb or cheesy or whatever I will say get the right the fuck out. Get right the fuck out of this existence! I'm fucking banishing you to a lower dimension. To a lower dimension with lower dimensional spirits to be devoured by them with your low Christ conscienceness. I will end you. Okay, I've gone off the rails a little bit. I didn't mean to lose my temper right there. I didn't mean to get nasty. We're talking about SpongeBob and SpongeBob is a nice guy. SpongeBob wouldn't say things like that. What would SpongeBob do, Ben? Okay, yes. I encourage you. I cheerfully encourage you to go and watch SpongeBob the musical, and the come back and let me know what you thought. Let me know if you're glad. Let me know if you're glad that you did. I think you will be. Okay, bye fuckers. 

copypasta transcribed from

[timeagainreviews]

The Filler Fluff of the Cybermen

When is a two-parter not a two-parter? When the first part is tonight’s episode "Ascension of the Cybermen." As stories go, that was pretty damn sparse. I’ll be honest, friends, I don’t have a lot to say about tonight’s story. But that’s not why you come here, so I will try my damnedest to find something to talk about in this latest episode of Doctor Who. Right, now, how many words was that? Sixty-seven? Christ. This is going to be a slog.

I honestly shouldn’t be surprised. It had to happen. I was saying just last week that I hadn’t seen an episode I outright hated so far this series. We were due. That’s not to say I actually feel hate for this episode, more accurately, I feel very little about this episode. Usually, I endeavour to do more than simply trash an episode, but tonight, it’s either that, or I end the review here. So apologies ahead of time.

The episode opens on a Cyberman head floating in space with some knucklehead voiceover telling us about how the Cybermen have been mostly wiped out and what remains of humanity isn’t much better. The episode will now spend the next fifty minutes reiterating this point ad nausea. It was like a Star Wars title crawl, except in Star Wars, the crawl isn’t the plot of the movie you’re about to watch. Funnily, a lot of tonight’s episode reminded me of "The Last Jedi." Our heroes get split up. A slow chase ensues. No new information is gained. And it ends leaving us feeling like not a lot happened.

The Doctor and her companions come to a small human colony in the distant future. There are only seven of them left. The Doctor sets up a series of relays to help this ragtag bunch of humans kill off an oncoming Cyberman attack. Only thing is, they had never accounted for the Cybermen to first send out "Cyber Drones." Now, say you’ve got a room full of artists who love Doctor Who. And you tell them all to design drones that will be utilised by Cybermen. You can imagine they might have some rather impressive designs. Now, gather up all of those beautiful and creative drawings into your arms and throw them in the bin. Instead, we’re going to just use floating Cyberman heads. Was this because Chibnall is the kind of guy who thinks a dude with teeth pressed into his face is creepy or is this because reusing Cyberman heads is cheap? I’ll let you decide.

The Cyberheads and their eye lasers do quick work of the Doctor’s relays and sends everyone scattering to the wind. With three of the humans dead, Ryan, a young boy named Ethan, and the Doctor get left behind. Yaz and Graham, find themselves aboard a rickety gravraft with the remainder of the humans. With the TARDIS too far away, the Doctor decides they need to hijack a Cybership. I gotta give it to the Cybermen, they take better care of their ship than they do their own bodies. It’s almost as if there was no continuity in the design. Or maybe it’s like when you see someone whose life is a total mess but they have a dope car. I’ll let you decide.

After Ethan hotwires the Cybership, the Doctor pilots the ship to the most logical destination- her TARDIS. No, I’m just kidding, that would have made sense! Instead, she goes somewhere. I just double-checked with my boyfriend and we honestly couldn’t remember why anyone was doing anything at this point in the episode. After combing the episode I finally found a bit of throwaway dialogue where Ethan programmed the ship to go to a place called "Ko Sharmus." Meanwhile, the other group of protagonists are floating listlessly in space, making them the most relatable characters in this episode as that’s exactly how I felt.

By now you’re probably wondering why I haven’t gotten to the B-story happening in this episode. I guess here is as good a place as any, as it made just as much sense crammed anywhere in the episode it pleased. We see a young man and woman find a baby. This baby grows up to be their adopted son, Brendan. Brendan becomes a cop. Brendan gets shot and falls off a cliff. Brendan wakes up unscathed. Brendan’s dad looks at him like he’s creepy. Brendan grows old and retires. Brendan’s dad and boss, seemingly having not aged, wipe his memory. It makes as much sense as a wicker toilet and gives us no new information. At one point I thought he may have been Captain Jack’s kid, but then he grows old, so I don’t know what to think. What I do know is that you could have edited it down and made it into a far better cold opener than that Cyberhead floating in space shit.

The humans aboard the gravraft get stranded next to a giant Cyberman ship where a battle has gone down. Remnants of Cybermen ping the hull of their vessel like tiny asteroids. They get the bright idea to use the airlock to give the gravraft an extra thrust into the Cybership. I don’t know if it was intentional, but having Graham say "Don’t panic," right before they release the airlock was a nice little Douglas Adams reference. Or maybe it wasn’t at all, but I’ll take any joy from this episode I can get. Much like the idiotic hip bounce from "Can You Hear Me?" that knocked the sonic screwdriver up into the Doctor’s hands, the gravraft makes a million in one shot directly into the Cyberman ship’s docking bay. If they have that kind of luck sinking shots like that, they should really take their skills to the minigolf course.

The second I saw the ship, I knew that they were going to do the rows upon rows of sleeping Cybermen emerging from their tombs. It’s a Doctor Who trope as old as the Patrick Troughton era. My boyfriend was enjoying these bits as he is less familiar with the history of Doctor Who, so I let him have his fleeting enjoyment. I couldn’t even get jazzed about the new Cyberman design as they had already spoiled it with online photos. Basically, aside from the head-scratching B-story, the plot to tonight’s episode could be gathered by looking at promotional photos. There were new Cybermen. The Lone Cyberman was there. Nothing new to be learned here. Though, I will admit those new Cybermen are genuinely awesome.

The Doctor has a brief encounter with a hologram of the Lone Cyberman, or "Ashad." We learn that Ashad doesn’t just want to destroy all humans, he wants to destroy all life in the universe, for reasons. So I guess it wasn’t all a wash. Ashad heads to the Cybership where he begins waking up the Cybermen by what looks like torture. I have absolutely zero idea why he was doing what he was doing. It’s not at all made clear. Was he giving a titty twister so the Cybermen would accept him as their leader? Because after waking up the rest of them, they all seem to fall in line. Honestly, what the hell was he doing to that Cyberman? It makes no goddamn sense.

One thing I will say that made me happy was that one of my predictions from before episode one came true. They gave Graham a bit of a love interest. I called that shit. This possible love interest came in the form of Ravio, one of the human colonists. I found it rather amusing that in the future humans would still speak with British accents but have lost all context for Cockney rhyming slang. It was a cute bit of dialogue that falls apart if you think about it too much. The Cybermen force the humans into a corner to barricade themselves from the onslaught of Cybermen, and that’s where they’re left until next weekend.

Meanwhile, the Doctor arrives at Ko Sharmus which ends up being a person’s name as opposed to a planet. Chris Chibnall’s ability to name characters has not improved. Seriously, there are characters named Feekat and Yedlarmi in this episode. It hardly matters though as they’re all rather forgettable. I had to comb the episode and the internet just to figure out who was who. The Doctor never even introduces herself to Ethan. I had to figure his name out through one of the many throwaway lines of dialogue. That’s not to say that they don’t have real bits of character development. But you can take all of the character development in the world and wrap it around a hollow plot and it equals a lot of me not giving a shit.

Ko Sharmus was a welcome addition, simply because he was played by the charismatic Ian McElhinney. Turns out he’s a human colonist who stays behind in case any more humans might one day also come to this planet. There’s a sort of gateway or “boundary” out of the galaxy where many humans have gone to escape pursuit by Cyberman. Ko Sharmus’ job is to act as a guide to any possible newcomers also looking to reach said boundary. However, the Doctor quickly learns that the boundary is actually a gateway to Gallifrey. Only now it shows Gallifrey as the Master left it- in ruins.

Did I mention the Master? Well, here he is, making a "grand" entrance. The only thing at this point that was grand about the introduction of the Master to the story was that I was excited that something of substance was actually about to happen. Instead, this is our cliffhanger- this not at all surprising reveal that the Master is still alive. Of course, he is, he’s the Master. It’s a season finale with the Cybermen, of course, the Master is going to be there. It’s been that way for the past two Cyberman season finales. I guess the third time is a charm? What about any of this is supposed to be surprising? Remember how I said I was afraid they were becoming far too reliant on big reveals? This ending is the epitome of that. I think they expected to blow our minds by having the storyline they set up at the beginning of the series come into fruition. Try harder Chibs, this shit was weak.

The biggest shocker here is how little happened. What we were left with was akin to a classic filler episode where the Doctor gets captured. They padded out everything because they didn’t want next week’s episode to be ten minutes longer. Tonight’s episode exists purely because Chris Chibnall couldn’t edit down the script of a single episode into something shorter. This wouldn’t be so egregious if at least one storyline came to some sort of conclusion. If the B-story with Brendan had gone somewhere it might have made the entire episode feel somewhat worth the time and effort. Instead, we’re forced to watch a team of talented actors fill time.

I can’t help but feel like last week’s episode should have been this week’s episode with maybe a bit more setup for the finale. In place of this forgettable fluff, we could have gotten a single contained episode in its place. Something that had a beginning, middle, and end. Because of this, it’s almost as if we’ve been shorted an episode. Because of all of the wasted time in "Ascension of the Cybermen," I can only think of two outcomes for next week. One is an episode crammed so full of exposition that it will feel messy and disjointed. The other is an episode that is as equally underwhelming as tonight’s effort. Do you really mean to tell me they’re going to fit a Cyberman battle, Captain Jack, the Master, Gallifrey, the Timeless Child, and possibly Ruth into an episode and it not be a mess? It’s hard to have faith that there is a reason behind this much wasted screentime. I could use some of Graham’s optimism because at this moment it’s looking a bit hopeless.

[zombiebarbee]

The Sunday Times article

DEMON DAZE

After almost 30 years, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s comic fantasy Good Omens has made it to the screen – and in lavish fashion. Benji Wilson discovers how Pratchett’s dying wish came true

Heaven, as it turns out, is in an industrial park in Weybridge. The old Samsung building, with floor-to-ceiling windows and lighting so bright you have to squint, is the celestial set for Good Omens, the BBC and Amazon’s TV adaptation of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s beloved fantasy novel. The floor, in particular, is attracting attention from Jon Hamm, who plays the angel Gabriel.

“Did we put this floor in?” he asks, wearing a power suit and looking more Wall Street CEO than heavenly host. When he looks down, he sees his own face reflected. “I mean, who orders up a silver floor? Of all the choices.” Then an angel rides by on a hoverboard. “This,” Hamm says, “is insane.”

Much of Good Omens could be described that way. Were he alive, Terry Pratchett would probably delight in the description. It tells the story of an angel, Aziraphale, and a demon, Crowley, played by Michael Sheen and David Tennant respectively. They have been on Earth since the Garden of Eden, working for their opposing teams in heaven and hell, one lighting fires, the other putting them out. Over the centuries, they have become friends.

We first meet them as the Antichrist is being delivered to Earth – indeed, one of Crowley’s missions is to deliver the Antichrist to the maternity ward. But they both realise this means the end of humanity as we know it, and, as Tennant puts it, “Crowley and Aziraphale have quite a nice time on earth. They quite enjoy the dinners and the wine and the lifestyle.”

So they get together to decide they’re going to try to avert the apocalypse. “But it’s a comedy,” Sheen says. “It’s in the vein of Douglas Adams and Monty Python. When Neil sent me the first draft of the script, it reminded me of Whoops Apocalypse [Andrew Marshall and David Renwick’s 1982 ITV comedy set in the weeks leading up to the end of the world.] I remember watching that when I was a kid and finding it funny but also quite scary. It’s hard to know what my 14-year—old self would think of Good Omens, but I imagine it might be similar.”

This kind of tonal mash-up intermingling humanity’s most momentous concerns with the quotidian minutiae of “where did I leave my keys?”, is notoriously hard to pull off. For a start, there’s the scope of it: Good Omens has been in production since mid-2017 and has had to recreate not merely heaven and hell, but all of Christian history in between. The beginning of episode three features a sequence catching up with Aziraphale and Crowley at the Garden of Eden, Noah’s Ark, the crucifixion, ancient Rome, Shakespeare’s Globe, the crucible of the French Revolution and on, via the world wards, to the present. We see their relationship developing down the aeons. It’s all been done in less than 20 minutes.

“It’s basically a collection of single scenes,” Tennant says when I speak to him in a church in an Oxfordshire village. (He’s about to go outside and take delivery of the Antichrist.) “But for one of those scenes we got Shakespeare’s Globe for a day. For another, we transformed St James’s Park into Edwardian England for a day. For one scene. It’s fantastic to be able to work on something that has those sort of resources. You wouldn’t really be able to tell this story otherwise.”

Resources means Amazon’s money. That, and the allure of Gaiman’s writing, has drawn in a supporting cast including Frances McDormand as the voice of God, alongside Hamm, Jack Whitehall, Michael McKeen and Miranda Richardson. With a Game of Thrones-shaped hole to be filled, Good Omens is supposed to be a very big deal indeed.

Yet Gaiman, who co-wrote the original novel, adapted it for the screen and is the showrunner, would happily not have made it at all. “I didn’t really plan to give 18 months of my life to making a TV show. I’d much rather be writing novels. I would be making a lot more money writing novels. Nobody would be telling me what to do and my wife wouldn’t be complaining about not seeing me. But on the other hand, this,” he says, pointing at the shiny floor and Hamm running through lines as Gabriel, “was what Terry wanted to happen. And he’s not here.”

Good Omens was published in 1990. There followed almost 20 years of fruitless attempts to turn it into a film. Terry Gilliam received a prepublication copy of the book asking for a cover blurb. He misplaced the letter that came with it and thought he was being sent a story that might work for his next film. He loved it, but, as so often with Gilliam’s grand visions, Hollywood got in the way.

“Terry [Pratchett] and I decided that we wanted it to be television six years ago,” Gaiman says. “We went went looking for a writer – both of us were too busy – but basically we couldn’t find one.”

Pratchett died in March 2015. As he was overtaken by Alzheimer’s in his final years, he wrote Gaiman a letter – something he had never done before. “He said, ‘You’re the only other person out there with the same love and understanding and passion for this that I have. I know how busy you are, but I want to see this before the darkness takes me. Will you do this, please?’ In 35 years, he’d never asked me anything before. So I said yes. And then he died. So suddenly I was dealing with a last request. And I’m honouring it.”

Gaiman and Sheen have been friends since the actor mentioned in an interview about a decade ago that Gaiman was one of his favourite writers, across novels and comic books. Gaiman happened to read this, and sent Sheen a selection of special editions with a card saying “From one fan to another.” Since then, Sheen has appeared in Gaiman’s episode of Doctor Who, and now stars in Good Omens. Part of their friendship is based on a shared love of science fiction – Sheen only mentioned Gaiman in that interview in order to make a point about genre snobs. Many of his favourite writers, he said, worked in fantasy and SF.

Sheen says the snobbery still pertains - “If you’re of a mindset that anything written in a science-fiction context just can’t be great literature, then I don’t think anything is going to change your mind” - adding that there’s a similar prejudice against comedy as high art.

“Comedy films are always seen as impossible to be great films. They’re rarely winning Oscars. Good Omens ticks both boxes, comedy and fantasy – and I like that. When I was growing up, two of the biggest influences on me in terms of how I see art were The South Bank Show on TV and Kenneth Tynan, especially his profiles. Neither of them made a distinction between high and low art. One week is was Shostakovich , the next Billy Connolly. Tynan would profile Brecht, then Morecambe and Wise. I loved that.”

Just because Good Omens is funny, he goes on, doesn’t mean that it’s glib. “I was looking at a scene today when one of the angels says it’s been written that the end of the world begins with unrest in the Middle East, and the Antichrist is being taken to the Pains of Megiddo. I’ve seen that being written in newspaper articles – Isis are trying to engineer a situation where this battle takes place in a certain location because that’s ‘what was written’. People actually think that Trump is the coming of the Christ. Or the Antichrist. People are actually talking about this in fairly mainstream circles.

“That gives Good Omens a difficult context to when the book came out. You’ve got these two main characters who are very much in their own echo chambers – or should be. Yet the action of the piece requires them to break out of those bubbles.”

Tennant goes further. “We started making this in 2017. We knew it wouldn’t come out until 2019, and did wonder whether the apocalypse might have hastened towards us by then. It does give an added piquancy that the world might not be as stable as we thought it was a couple of years ago. By the time this article is printed, who knows where we’ll be?”

Good Omens is on Amazon Prime Video from May 31 and will air on BBC2 at the end of the year.

[justtheendoftheday]

The Return of the Living Dead (1984)

 “Why do you eat people?”

“Not people. Brains.”

————————————— 

The army accidentally sends a tank containing the mysterious chemical 245-Trioxin to a medical supply warehouse in Kentucky. But when the tank springs a leak the dead begin to reanimate and go on the hunt for human brains!

—————————————

Fright: 2 / 5 Dead-end Jobs

Personally I find this one to be too over-the-top to be particularly scary. But there certainly are some creepy scenes, especially for those with lighter tolerances for scares.

But generally most of the scares the movie has come more from a spooky sight or a creepy idea than from a constructed atmosphere of fright.

Admittedly I could see it contributing to someone’s fear of their basement though. Because if I saw a tarman zombie lurch out of the shadows in my basement I would lose my shit.

Gore: 3 / 5 Brains

As you can expect from a zombie movie, there’s some gore.

Although the gore is a bit tame by today’s zombie movie standards. There’s just a few scenes that are going a long way to tip the ratings scale higher than the majority of the film would otherwise warrant.

[Expect a little blood, a medical model of dog that’s been laterally bisected to show interior anatomy, two spooky-looking reanimated corpses that get a fair bit of screen time and received a lion’s share of the effects budget, a shot of some brains, some people getting bitten into, and what I can only describe as a scene where pacman gets his head sawed off.]

Jump Scares: Almost none

There’s one scene where they have a bit of a “Surprise!” moment. But that’s about as far as it goes. There isn’t anything that I’d consider a heavily constructed “I’m gonna make this audience jump so hard!” jump scare.

Maybe just a couple light startles.

—————————————

Review:

The Return of the Living Dead is an incredibly enjoyable punk-themed 80s-horror romp and secretly one of the most influential zombie movies ever made.

Thoughts:

In today’s world of horror movies I would argue that there are 3 primary styles of zombies:

Romero

Rabies

The Return of the Living Dead

Romero and company may have created the modern concept of a zombie, but the pop culture image of a zombie is actually a mashup of all three.

For instance?

The dead coming back to life to feast on the living? Romero.

If you get bit by a zombie you become a zombie? Rabies.

To kill a zombie you must remove the head or destroy the brain. Romero. [although it’s an equally efficient way to killing most anything.]

And last but not least, the one that is utterly unique to The Return of the Living Dead:

BRAINS!

Even though zombies are now famous for their love of eating brains, it’s a feature that is exceedingly rare in zombie movies. And it started right here!

With this very movie!

I bring up this bit of trivia because, a) it’s interesting, b) it’s fun to talk about zombies, and c) because it goes to show that The Return of the Living Dead is a movie that plays by its own rules.

And that’s what makes it so much friggin’ fun.

Although it’s also what makes it a tricky film to describe properly.

It’s often described as a Horror Comedy, but I’d say it’s not a comedy in the sense that Shaun of the Dead is a comedy, but more of how An American Werewolf in Paris is a comedy? I'd say it’s more fun than funny.

And it’s not really a straight horror movie like Night of the Living Dead was, because it’s more spooky than scary.

To make it even trickier, I also feel like it sits right near that edge of what separates a really good movie from a movie that’s enjoyable due to how derpy it all is.

You get the sense at times that if they had just played everything as a straight piece of horror it would have been an enjoyable—yet rather cheesy—bit of 80s B-horror.

But because they never take themselves too seriously, all the pieces are allowed to come together. All those moments that would have been awkward or clunky or absurd before, suddenly fit perfectly into place.

Take the character of Trash for example.

Trash is part of a group of local punks and is...uh...pretty open with her sexuality. At one point the group is partying and she starts taking off her clothes and dancing.

When that sort of thing happens in a horror movie it’s hard not to roll your eyes a bit and go, “Oh, jeeeeez. Leave it to a horror movie to throw in some gratuitous nudity.”

But then events unfold and she never really manages to get her clothes back on. And not because she just dies immediately afterward (which is what would normally happen in an 80s horror movie)! It’s just that she never really gets the opportunity.

And thus what would have normally been a bit of gratuitous nudity, is taken to the next level and—whether intentionally or not—suddenly starts to work as an almost satirical look at the way nudity is so often featured in Horror movies.

Basically this is a movie that delights in thwarting your expectations.

Which makes it 80s punk overtones all the more fitting. It mocks authority, loves defying conventions, and embraces a certain style of “we’re all fucked, so we might as well just have some fun.”

—————————————

—————————————

Content warnings: No animals die in the movie but a handful of already dead ones get reanimated, a character spends the majority of the movie naked.

After-credits scene?: None

—————————————

—————————————

Directed by: Dan O’Bannon

[ The Resurrected (1991) ]

Story by: Rudy Ricci, John Russo, and Russell Streiner

Screenplay by: Dan O’Bannon

[ Alien (1979), Invaders From Mars (1986), Total Recall (1990) ]

Edited by: Robert Gordon

[ The Blue Lagoon (1980), Toy Story (1995) ]

Cinematography by: Jules Brenner

[ Teen Wolf Too (1987) ]

Country of Origin: USA

Language: English

Setting: Louisville, Kentucky, USA

Sequels:

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988) Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993) Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005) Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

If you enjoyed this you might also like:

Dead Alive (1992) [a.k.a Braindead] , Re-Animator (1985), Night of the Living Dead (1968), Shaun of the Dead (2004)

—————————————

Context Corner:

First of all, let me point out that I’ve read multiple accounts of people who said Dan O’Bannon was a douche. And judging from interviews it seems that he treated the female actors (especially Beverly Randolph) rather poorly. Not Alfred Hitchcock levels of mistreatment by any means, but still.

Second of all, this film’s existence has a rather strange origin. But it goes a little something like this:

Night of the Living Dead was the brain child of three guys: George Romero, John Russo, and Russell Streiner. After they parted ways (and after some light legal action) Romero got the rights to do his own sequels under the “of the Dead” title, but Russo got the right to the “Living Dead” title.

And so Russo and Streiner decide to write their own sequel to NotLD and it starts to get produced. Dan O’Bannon is brought in to pump up the script and when the film losses its planned director O’Bannon he is offered the position. However, he only does so on the condition that he can do a major rewrite of the film.

The original script was very much a sequel to NotLD, but O’Bannon wanted RotLD to stand out and thus purposefully set out to make their zombies unique and give it all a different sort of tone.

—————————————

“Christ, it ain’t dying!”

“I thought you said if we destroyed the brain it died?”

“It worked in the movie.”

“Well, it ain’t working now, Frank!”

“You mean the movie lied!?”

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Assassin’s Greed: The Story of Charles Guiteau

My favorite historical figure has got to be presidential assassin Charles Guiteau, a person you’ve likely never heard of.  You probably know John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald, but Guiteau (pronounced get-oh) is not a household name.  Where Booth and Oswald shot famous presidents, Guiteau shot James Garfield, who had served for only four months at the time and is best known for having been assassinated.  Guiteau was cartoonishly twisted, with delusions of grandeur and a Type A god complex.  He believed himself to be faultless, guiltless, a renaissance man, a master political advisor, and perhaps even the Third Coming of Christ (yes, third; you’ll see what I mean below).  His life story sounds like something scripted to be as pathetic and conceited as possible, and it would be funny were it not so tragic.

So come with me on an adventure back to the gay old days of the 19th century, so we can delve into the mind of America’s least favorite assassin.  Strap in, cause this is a long one.

Charles Julius Guiteau was born in 1841 to a family of French descent (you may have been able tell because he’s an -eau).  Despite this, it is important to remember that he never learned to speak a word of French.  Keep that in mind.  He flunked out of school because he never felt the need to study for any exams.  He was convinced he already had perfect knowledge on any given subject, “why fix what ain’t broken?”

In 1860, he joined a cult because his dad was friends with the leader.  (Side note: this cult would later dissolve when a tornado destroyed their headquarters, transforming into a company that made spoons.  This has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it was funny). This cult coined the phrase “free love,” which at the time just meant everyone was allowed, nay, encouraged, to bone everyone else; older women were ordered to act as “sexual mentors” for adolescent boys because they were the least likely to conceive. It was messed up.  The cult also thought that Jesus had already come a second time, in 70 AD, so they had free reign on Earth to do whatever they wanted with no consequences.  The end of days had come and gone, so it was smooth sailing from here on out.

Guiteau idolized the cult leader, believing him to be the perfect man in every way.  The cult leader however believed Guiteau was unstable and unfit for the community.  Do you know how messed up you have to be to get kicked out of a cult?  People were so put off by his behavior that they gave him the nickname “Charles Get-Out,” and when he sued the leader for mistreatment his dad wrote a long apology letter saying “I’m sorry my son’s a weirdo, please don’t think less of me for it.”

He became a lawyer by sheer blind luck, barely passing his bar exam because he just so happened to work as a clerk at the Chicago law firm in question.  He lost the one and only case he argued in court, and spent the rest of his career as a corrupt bill collector.  He short-changed all of his clients, overcharging and under-refunding, pocketing the difference before skipping town to avoid the police.  He did this often, hopping from town to town and leaving right before they could run him out on a rail.

In 1872 he endorsed Horace Greeley for president against incumbent Ulysses S. Grant; both men were Republicans, but Greeley caucused with the southern Democrats and became their nominee.  He lost in a landslide, and died less than a month after the election, but again, that’s not important to the story.  What is important is that Guiteau was convinced that had Greeley become president, he would have rewarded Guiteau’s endorsement with a federal appointment.  Guiteau was just some schmuck, a nobody, but he believed that his approval was somehow the most important thing a candidate could receive, and that they would be undyingly grateful for it.

Guiteau believed that he was ordained by God to spread His word, and so concluded that his own word was therefore the word of God.  He tried to start his own cult, plagiarizing the text from the cult leader he idolized, but it never got off the ground.  In 1877 he was on a boat that collided with another; theirs sunk, but his made it back to port, so he was further convinced that his life had been spared for a higher purpose.  If Christ had come again in 70 AD, Guiteau believed he had returned for the Third time this very day.  At this point, his dad thought he was possessed by the devil.

You could say they didn’t exactly see eye to eye.

1880 comes along, he’s been embezzling and stealing even more money from even more cities, avoiding consequences all the while, and decides to once again throw his hat in the ring of politics.  He endorses Grant for a third nonconsecutive term, despite having “campaigned” against him in 1872.  Guitaeu changed his mind with Orwellian confidence, “oh, I always supported Grant, Greeley was destined to lose, I knew it and actually did my best to make sure his campaign floundered, I was always looking out for my main man Ulysses!”

Guiteau handed out leaflets and gave a speech endorsing Grant to basically no one; he may as well have just stood on a street corner shouting his opinion at passersby.  Grant lost the nomination to one Congressman James Garfield, so Guiteau took the leaflets, crossed out Grant’s name, wrote in Garfield’s, and continued passing them out. The rest of the text remained the same though, so it made no sense, praising Garfield for leading the Union Army to victory during the Civil War, and saying he deserved a third term despite this being his first time running.  Garfield won the presidency, and Guiteau was absolutely convinced that it was because of his leaflets.  “What else could it have been?”

March 1881: Being wholly responsible for Garfield’s election, he starts writing him fan letters singing his own praise.  “As you already know, I got you elected (you’re welcome, by the way).  I did this out of the kindness of my heart, and all I ask in return, all I feel I deserve, is an ambassadorship.  France will do nicely, I’ve always wanted to live in Paris!”  As you remember, he can’t speak a word of French, “but I can learn on the job!  I’m the best at learning things, but I’m sure you already know that about me.  I look forward to our partnership. Your biggest fan, Charles.”

No word from the president, but Guiteau doesn’t worry.  He just writes more letters.  “Didn’t hear back from you, don’t know if you read my first letter, but just in case you didn’t, I’ll recap; you won because of me, I’m ready for my federal job whenever you are.  Thanks and you’re welcome.  Your smartest and most qualified fan, Charles.”

Still nothing.  He moved to Washington, DC and became a homeless vagrant.  He went from house to house, spending a night, eating the food, then leaving before rent was due; classic Guiteau!  The White House kept ignoring his letters, so he decided to take matters into his own hands and personally confront the Secretary of State.  “I’m sure you’ve read my correspondences, you know my qualifications, I am ready to go to Paris, just say the word.”

“Oh my God, we’re not giving you a federal job, stop writing us letters, leave the president alone, you’re a total nutjob.”

Guiteau was heartbroken.  He couldn’t understand how Garfield could be such an ingrate!  “I gave everything for that man, I sacrificed so much, and this is how he thanks me? I campaigned for him, I gave speeches, I handed out, like, so many leaflets!”  He felt ignored, he felt BETRAYED.  “How dare he? How DARE he?!?  He owes me! He’s got to be the least considerate person on the planet!  I put him office, I-”  At this, he had a horrible realization.  “Oh my God, I put him in office... He’s only there because of me... It’s all my fault!  I gave this bastard the key to the White House... I gave him the nuclear codes!” [Guiteau was again misinformed, because nuclear weapons wouldn’t be invented for another 64 years]  “I’ve created a monster!  I put him there, and only I can take him out!  I need to assassinate President Garfield.”

And so the pieces begin to fall into place.

He borrows money from his brother-in-law to buy a gun at a pawn shop.  He believed God was telling him to kill the president; either that or he was telling God that the president needed to die and was just giving Him a heads up.  At the pawnshop he specifically chose an expensive revolver with an ivory handle because he thought it would look better in the display case of the museum they would eventually build for him.  He even managed to haggle down the price one whole dollar (about $26 today, so good on him, master deal maker).

July 2, 1881.  President Garfield arrived at a train station in DC, and Guiteau is there waiting for him. He had no body guard because this was the 1880s, and nobody thought someone would be crazy enough to shoot the president in peacetime.  The only government employee present with Garfield was the Secretary of War, a young man by the name of Robert Todd Lincoln.  Yes, that Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham, the first and so far only president to be assassinated.  And he got to witness the second, firsthand.

Guiteau shot Garfield twice, but only wounded him; he fell to the ground, bleeding but very much alive.  Despite this, Guiteau was confident the job was done. “Don’t worry everyone, you don’t need to panic, the tyrant is dead, you can thank me later.”  The police ran at him, “officers, please, take the former president’s body away, it’s bleeding all over the train station. He’s as much a nuisance dead as he was alive, am I right?  Wait, why do you have those batons?”  The tackled him to the ground, as police are wont to do to people who shoot the president.  “Okay, o-ho-ho-kay, I get it, you guys need to put on a show for the crowds. I understand, I shouldn’t have used a gun in public, I should’ve waited until I could had him alone, I get it, you don’t need to be so rough with me. Listen, just talk to President Arthur, he’ll have my back, I just put him in office, he’ll vouch for me, it’s cool.”

Garfield lived for two more months, wasting away in agony from infection because his doctors didn’t even think about washing their hands.  They would poke around his bullet holes with their fingers to fish out fragments, poking organs, tearing muscle, just making it much worse than it needed to be.  Garfield may have survived if they had just left him alone; years later, Teddy Roosevelt would be similarly shot, and survived with the bullet in his chest for seven years.  Garfield died on September 19, 1881, at which point Guiteau was officially charged with murder.

Being a lawyer, he wanted to represent himself in court, but he was appointed a public defender instead.  The defender quit after a week because Guiteau was impossible to work with, so his brother-in-law came on as his new lawyer; he wasn’t a criminal defense lawyer, just another bill collector like Guiteau, he was literally the only person willing to help him out for free.  Guiteau claimed he was not guilty by reason of insanity, that God had possessed him, simply using his body as an avatar and smite Garfield.  “It was divine intervention, nothing could be done to stop it, it was out of my hands.”

He made a mockery of the trial, cursing at everyone from the judge to the jury to his own lawyer to the crowd.  He ignored his lawyer and started asking courtroom spectators for their advice, he wrote his testimony in the form of poems and delivered them to the captive audience.  He reveled in being the center of attention, ignoring the fact that literally everyone hated him for killing the president.  He expected a swift acquittal, and started planning his own campaign for president for 1884, “President Arthur owes me for putting him in office, so I’m sure he’ll step aside and let me run in his place, it’s the least he could do.  Maybe I’ll choose him as my running mate, I haven’t decided yet.”

January 1882, he was found guilty and sentenced to death, to which he responded by calling the jury a bunch of “consummate jackasses” (and yes, that’s the real, actual quote, no joke).  He was dragged out of the court, screaming obscenities at everyone within earshot.  He wasn’t worried though, because he was convinced Arthur would pardon him.

In jail, he composed more poems singing his praise, “Ding dong, the witch is dead!  Which old witch? The Garfield witch! Ding dong, the Garfield witch is dead!”  Arthur didn’t pardon him, so he called him an even worse ingrate than Garfield; Guiteau tried to appeal his case so he could shoot Arthur too, but it was rejected for obvious reasons.

June 30, 1882, he is led to the gallows to be hanged.  For his last words, he delivered yet another poem, this time an epic ballad about how he was now leaving this mortal coil to return to the kingdom of Heaven.  Entitled “I am going to the Lordy,” it had a second or third grade reading level, with lines like “I wonder what I’ll do when I get to the Lordy?” and “I saved the party, glory Hallelujah.”  He wanted to have a full orchestra come and give the piece musical accompaniment, but the jail told him no, again for obvious reasons.  He didn’t even write music for it, he just thought it was so inspiring that the orchestra would know exactly what he intended and improvise something great.

He read the poem out loud to the crowd gathered to see him die, and was so overcome by how good it was that he broke down crying multiple times, “I’m such a genius!”  He may or may not have done a little jig to go along with it, as you do when delivering the world’s greatest poem about the world’s greatest man.

Black hood, noose, trapdoor, neck snap, dead.

The jail refused to turn over his body to his family because they were too poor for a proper burial service (he had wasted all of their money on his defense).  An autopsy showed that he was unable to retract his foreskin, so doctors theorized that was what drove him crazy enough to kill the president.  Gotta love 19th century psychology; Freud has been largely discredited in 2019, but in 1882 he wasn’t even credited yet, he was just some random doctor, not famous for anything.

The warden sold pieces of Guiteau’s noose as souvenirs, and eventually disinterred the corpse to donate to a museum so people could pay money to see the man who shot the president.  They cut out his brain to figure out what was wrong with him; one of its membranes was thicker than normal, possibly syphilitic, and modern medical professionals debate over which topical mental illness he likely had (some say schizophrenia, most agree that Narcissistic Personality Disorder had a huge part to play).  They also spit-polished his skeleton and turned it into a dummy to hang up in the corner of a science class, but for some reason they hid it away in a storage room rather than giving it to a university as intended.

And so ends the story of Charles Julius Guiteau.  He was a man without reason, without honor, without a lick of common sense or self-awareness.  I feel bad for him because despite how horrible a person he was, he was clearly sick and needed help at a time when no such help existed.  His life story is comical and tragic.  He’ll never be as well known as John Wilkes Booth or Lee Harvey Oswald, and that’s probably for the best.  A fitting end for a narcissist, to be mostly forgotten by history.

His gun isn’t even in a museum, the police eventually misplaced it.  And I’m sure THAT is what he’d be most mad about today.

[drsilverfish]

Dean’s Jungian Shadow Arc in S14 - Confronting the Internal Father (2x22 to 14x20)

“This meeting with oneself is, at first, the meeting with one’s own shadow. The shadow is a tight passage, a narrow door, whose painful constriction no one is spared who goes down to the deep well. But one must learn to know oneself in order to know who one is” 

(Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious 1991: p21) 

Jung believed that the psyche was composed, in part, of a relation to “archetypes” (shared human psychic formations). One of these is the archetype of the father.

He distinguishes between the actual father (i.e. your Dad) and the “imago” of the father (a term he borrowed from Freud). That means, the psychological internalised construct of the father, which partly resides in the unconscious, and which is not identical to your real Dad, because it’s about your childish and foundational perception of them, but, also, for Jung (not Freud) it is linked to the archetypal (or mythic) father. The father archetype (for Jung, who has a gendered perception of the world rooted in his time-period) is about power and control. And when someone subconsciously over-identifies with the father-archetype, this results in out-of-control power fantasies:

"The danger is just this unconscious identity with the archetype, the more a father identifies with the archetype, the more unconscious and irresponsible, indeed psychotic ... he ... will be"

 (Jung, 1906-1916 writings collected as Freud and Psychoanalysis: 1961:p316).

So, subconsciously over-identifying with the father-imago has negative consequences for a person, and those around them. 

Let’s talk Dean, The Shadow and Dean’s Daddy Issues.

Remember this? (Gods but the colour palette was gorgeous back then).

This is Dean shooting Azazel, the yellow-eyed demon who killed his mother, Mary Winchester, with the Colt in 2x22 All Hell Breaks Loose Part II.

He does it with his father, John Winchester’s spirit’s help (released from Hell):

But, when I say help, remember that, symbolically, John has also been mirrored to Azazel, by means of Azazel’s possession of John (1x22 Devil’s Trap):

Hooboy -  Daddy issues right out of the gate. That’s not news to any of us. The whole show is about “wayward sons”, after all.  

Fast foward twelve years, and this is Dean (in the role of The FatherTM) almost shooting Jack, his own adopted Nephilim son (who also represents his child-self) with the Hammurabi, the mystical gun Mark II, which Chuck forged and named after an ancient Babylonian law which codifies “an eye for an eye” (i.e. a “Revenge Gun”TM):

Jack the Nephilim, whose eyes glow yellow when he is in his power, and who has (apparently) killed Mary Winchester (again):

(Jack in 13x14 Good Intentions)

Notice that both scenarios - Dean, mystical gun, yellow-eyed supernatural being who killed his mother - take place in a graveyard. 

Mary is dead twice (at least as far as Dean is concerned) and her death haunts the scenes.

Chuck has deliberately set up the second scenario to mirror the first (he is, in my view, testing Dean, the way he tested Abraham).

At this moment, in Moriah, we could say Dean is possessed by his Shadow, in the form of the father archetype, the Ghost of John Winchester, in his subconsious. He is ready to act out John Winchester’s revenge quest redux, and in doing so, to do violence all over again to his child-self, in the form of Jack, who symbolises child-Dean in this moment. 

A repetition of the damage done to Dean himself as a child; who was forced, by the tragedy of Mary’s death, and his own father’s traumatic revenge-quest, to grow up too fast, is playing out before our eyes.

Jack-the-mirror, who lost his own mother at birth, and looks twenty-something but is only two, kneels, a willing sacrifice, in the role of child-Dean, before his father, adult-Dean, who is shadow-possessed by John’s Ghost, ready to be murdered, just as John “murdered” Dean’s childhood. 

“The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves.” 

(Carl Jung, Collected Works “Christ: A Symbol of the Self”).

Jung suggests we are subject to “fate” (i.e. our own unconscious forces taking control of our actions) when we do not confront our Shadow. 

Ties in beautifully to Supernatural’s larger theme of fate vs free will, right?

Now, back then, when Dean shot yellow-eyed demon No 1, Azazel, Dean was (as his subconscious taunted him at the time) “Daddy’s blunt little instrument” (3x10 Dream a Little Dream of Me)....

Back then, Dean obeyed his father and called him “Sir”,  “...following Dad’s orders like a good little soldier” (Sam in 1x10 Asylum). Sammy was the rebellious one.

When Dean stood up to his Dad, it wasn’t for himself, it was to protect Sam:

(1x20 Dead Man’s Blood). 

Dean’s obedience was linked to his angel-engineered role as the Michael vessel (God’s obedient son) whilst Sam’s rebelliousness was linked to his equally engineered role as the Lucifer vessel (God’s rebellious son).

They ripped up that script and wrote their own ending in 5x22 Swan Song, but, while Sam said “Yes” to Lucifer (his Shadow-self) and beat the Devil, Dean said “No” to Michael.

S14 is the season in which Dean, having said “Yes” to AU!Michael in order to beat Lucfier (again) in 13x23 Let the Good Times Roll, undertakes his own Shadow-work. 

Dabb’s Ouroboros narrative is in full swing.  

Back then, John’s revenge quest, to get the yellow-eyed demon who killed Mary Winchester, became Dean’s mission too. He internalised it (even before he knew about Azazel). Sam wanted to get out of hunting, Dean was driven to follow in his father’s footsteps (whatever his real feelings and desires were, he buried them to follow the “family business”). 

Here is Young!Dean in Bad Boys (9x07) looking out of the window at Young!Sam in the Impala, about to give up his happiness at Sonny’s and his young love with Robin in order to put his Dad’s way of life (hunting/ revenge), and his brother (who needs him) first:

One way a child deals with a parent who is hurting them is to want to become them, to idolise them and to believe that they’re right (Dad’s car, Dad’s music, Dad’s machismo, Dad’s heterosexuality, Dad’s way of drinking and squashing down emotion). 

DEAN: “We have the coolest Dad in the world.  He’s a superhero.” (3x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas). 

Jung would say Dean internalised a strong identification (partly conscious, partly unconscious) with the father imago. 

Dean’s been on a long, long journey to get out from under his father’s shadow. We’ve seen that struggle over many seasons.

AU!Michael in Dean’s head in S14 represented the repressive ghost of John Winchester embodied as a destructive archangel in Dean’s mind, i.e. serious crunch time for Dean’s psyche - things coming to a real crisis point for him, psychologically. 

Dark!Kaia makes the parallel in 14x03 The Scar (just hear “John Winchester” for “him”):

KAIA: “You’re no different from him. Threats, violence anything to get what you want.” DEAN: “I am nothing like him.” KAIA: “Yeah you are: you always have been!”

You can read some of my previous meta on Dean’s struggle with AU!Michael as his repression/ the Ghost of John Winchester here (which also emphasises that one aspect of John’s repression of Dean is, in subtext, the repression of Dean’s queerness):

Queer Gods and Monsters (14x02)

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/179226151009/queer-gods-and-monsters-14x02

14x03 The Scar - Dean Confronts Dark!Kaia (Dopplegangers, Mirrors and John Winchester’s Ghost)

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/179463975289/shirtlesssammy-14x03the-scar-meta-writers

AU!Michael and the Closet (14x10 Nihilism)

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182120562849/aumichael-and-the-closet

Jung and Dean’s Journey Towards Self-Integration in 14x11 Damaged Goods

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182299438269/jung-and-deans-journey-towards-self-integration

In 14x02 we get this shot of Dean facing his mirror-self, AU!Michael, and Michael tells him, “I own you!”

In 14x10, Dean, desperate to contain AU!Michael, manages (with Sam and Cas’ help) to lock him in a fridge-locker in his own mind:

 And he says, “I am the cage!”

Dean then builds a Ma’lak box and intends to lock himself in it and throw himself (and AU!Michael with him) to the bottom of the ocean. Yikes. At the start of 14x12 Prophet and Loss, he dreams that he is alone, and terrified, in that very box:

Sam says to him about this plan (14x12 Prophet and Loss):  “But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever.”

Remember Dean also described his possession by AU!Michael as like “drowning” over and over (14x03 The Scar): 

DEAN: “I don’t remember most of what Michael did with me because I was under water. Drowning. And that I remember. I felt every second of it - clawing, fighting for air. I thought I could make it out but I couldn’t: I wasn’t strong enough.”

Now hear what is happening, psychologically... 

Dean’s subconscious, his Shadow-self (aka AU!Michael representing the Ghost of John Winchester) i.e. Dean’s own self-repression and over-control, both inherited from John’s impact on him, is saying to Dean “I own you” and “I am the cage”, you will be buried in a coffin, alive, with me forever. You are under water and you can’t make it out.    

That’s pretty scary right? Dean is trapped by himself (by the traumatic internalised impact of his past and his consequent over-identification with his father).

If this were IRL, we’d have given Dean the name of a good therapist, a long time ago. But it’s Supernatural, so instead Dean gets to confront the ghost of his father, John Winchester, in the flesh, in 14x13 Lebanon. He wishes on the magic pearl to get “Michael out of my friggin’ head” and lo and behold John Winchester magically appears before him (cemeting the symbolism of AU!Michael in Dean’s head representing/ mirroring John Winchester). 

Dean gets to hear his Dad say, “You are a grown man and I am incredibly proud of you.” Dean gets to say to Sam, that he wouldn’t change anything: “I’m good with who I am. I’m good with who you are. ‘Cause our lives – they’re ours.”

He gets to tell his father he “has a family”, not a conventional one - “an angel and Lucifer’s kid”, but it’s good: 

 An Angel, and Lucifer’s Kid? Queer-Coding and Dean’s “Found Family” in 14x13 Lebanon

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182794294534/an-angel-and-lucifers-kid-queer-coding-and

And he gets to choose to let his Dad go, with love. What beautiful psychological progress, huh? AU!Michael is out of his head and so is the controlling Ghost of his Father, replaced by a loving one!

But, it’s not that simple. When the pearl is destroyed, time is reset and AU!Michael is still installed in Dean’s noggin. It’s only when Dean and Cas have been whammied by the Queer Gorgon, that AU!Michael (Dean’s repression, remember) finally gets out of his mind (14x14 Ouroboros): 

The Kiss of the Queer Gorgon in 14x14 Ouroboros

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/183323000224/the-kiss-of-the-queer-gorgon-in-14x14-ouroboros

Jack (Dean’s child-self mirror) kills AU!Michael (John’s repressive ghost mirror) but, the burden is great and the cost is (at least part of) his soul. 

Moreover, when Mary is subsequently “killed” by Jack (you all know by now I have a theory she’s been fake re-fridged, and she’s actually been blasted into an AU, and we’ll see her again), Dean regresses. He goes back into uber-controlling mode, over-responsible mode, as a way of dealing with the fact his world has fallen apart again. Psychically (as many of you clever people have already pointed out) he’s been taken back to the trauma his 4 year old self experienced when Mary died the first time. 

So, Dean puts on his control-mask, the one he learned from his Dad, and (just like John did) he focusses on dealing with the yellow-eyed “monster” who killed Mary, to contain the pain. He refuses to listen to Sam or Cas. He tells them to get on board with his (suicidal again) plan or get lost. HE is the one who instigates locking Jack (remember, also a representation of his child-self) in the Ma’lak box:

And he is the one who won’t listen to his loved ones,  but jumps all over and obeys without question, the Word of God (the Law of the Father) that the only way is to shoot Jack with the new mystical gun (Colt Mark II) when Chuck shows up with it. 

 Displaced-in-time John said, in 14x13 Lebanon (having been filled in by his sons):

JOHN: “I-I went out takin’ out Yellow Eyes. I mean, that was the point, right? I mean, get the thing that killed mom.”      

Chuck offers Dean the same choice (and, again, I think it’s a test).

Remember, as well as being the Revenge GunTM, the Hammurabi is also know as “The Equaliser”, so whatever happens to the person who is shot, also happens to the shooter. A perfect, perfect metaphor for the way in which John’s revenge quest rebounded on his sons (compounding the emotional trauma of losing their Mom). 

If Dean’ follows in his father’s footsteps and shoots the yellow-eyed “demon” who killed Mary, his own adopted son Jack (who, did I mention, represents his child-self) he will die - literally, according to the “law” of Chuck’s mystical gun, but also symbolically.

Because symbolically, that choice represents the fact that Dean has been crushing the life out of himself, for a long time, thanks to the internalised Ghost of John Winchester in his head (demanding that he be a substitute-parent to Sammy, that he stay “on mission”, that he perform a certain kind of masculinity, that he is responsible for everything and everyone, that he constantly fails [because he is trying to live up to an impossible standard]).

And at the last, Dean passes the test. He says, “No,” to the ultimate Father FigureTM (God) who is shouting at him to pick up the gun and pull the trigger.

He says “No” even when Chuck promises to bring Mary back from the “dead”. 

He does not repeat the cycle of his father’s revenge quest. He lowers the weapon of RevengeTM and of Re-bounding Suffering/ DeathTM.

He (finally) has compassion for Jack and thus (hopefully, hopefully) for his own child-self mirror. 

On symbolic Mount Moriah, Dean confronts his Shadow-self, the part of him that is “just like” his father, the part that keeps controlling or pushing away his key relationships (with Sam and Cas and now Jack) the part that finds safety in orders, and in a black-and-white view of the world where monsters are monsters, and in which revenge is the answer.

Confronting the Shadow, as I wrote before 14x20 aired, can release us from “scapegoating”:

The Scapegoat: Speculative Musings on S14′s End (Moriah) (Linked to the Season’s Jungian Themes - Scapegoating and the Unacknowledged Shadow)  

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/184068368304/the-scapegoat-speculative-musings-on-s14s-end

So, Dean says, “No” to God, the ultimate father-figure, and in doing so he is released from his Shadow-possession by the father-imago in his unconscious

DEAN: “No, my Mom was my hero, and I miss her, and I will miss her every second of my life, but she would not want this.” 

As a counter-point, he embraces the feminine (his internal anima, according to Jung). He evolves.

And so, the mirror is broken through between the self and the Shadow-self, the ego and the id. AU!Michael/  the Ghost of John Winchester/ the Voice of God are out of Dean Winchester’s head. They can no longer control him: he has faced them all. 

Now,  Dean has to learn to be himself, a whole new final chapter in the journey.

“The shadow, when it is realized, is the source of renewal ...  no progress or growth is possible until the shadow is adequately confronted and confronting means more than merely knowing about it. It is not until we have truly been shocked into seeing ourselves as we really are, instead of as we wish or hopefully assume we are, that we can take the first step toward individual reality” (Connie Zweig, Meeting the Shadow, 1990).

And, if you’ve been following the thread in the links to my other meta on Dean’s Shadow here, on how John’s repression in Dean’s mind was depicted (in subtext in S14) as, in part, Dean’s repression of his queerness (the Ma’lak box and the fridge-locker in Rocky’s mind-bar being symbols of the closet) then this culminating confrontation with the repressive image of The FatherTM in the form of God himself, as symbolic of Dean’s own controlling, self-repressing, self-closeting, Shadow-self, does seem to clear the way for... interesting developments (dramatic irony claxon - Dean still doesn’t know God is, in fact, himself bisexual). 

However, as always, I caution that the overtly homoerotic denoument is more than likely to remain closeted at the last, in favour of the “familial”. 

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Blood in the Water (Sequel to Such a Softer Sin) Chapter 5

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

I’m using both the script and the movie to help with dialogue and shit, using just the movie was proving too time-consuming. The script is so different to the movie, it's crazy. I’m taking some liberties with the timeline, the movie has me confused. St Patty's day back then was on a Wednesday, but when Rocco talks about hitting the Sin Bin to get Vincenzo, he says he's there every Wednesday, but it doesn't seem like a week goes by before they do it, I don't know. Maybe I’m missing something, either way, if the timeline seems weird, I’m being creative to be able to fit my own shit inside the canon stuff.

Mad props to fanfic writers that always write their fics canon, cause this shit is hard as fuckkk.

---------------------------------

Lila woke the next morning with a start, and her head whipped around, eyes scanning the loft for the boys in hopes they came home when she was asleep and didn't want to wake her. She was alone though, the loft felt eerie without them and her stomach lurched. Why didn't they come back? Or at least call? What if something happened? She needed to get out of the fucking loft. Maybe she should buy some new towels for when the boys got back. She got dressed in some clean jeans and a dark green shirt, slinging on her hoodie and boots and throwing her hair up in a messy high ponytail before she left.

She was almost at the store when she saw Rocco at a payphone, she blinked for a moment, he looked tense and weird, she wondered if maybe he had heard from the boys. She started to make her way over when she saw him cross the street, going into the deli. She followed after him and walked through the door, just in time to see Rocco shooting someone. Her eyes widened and she almost fell on her ass as Rocco took out another almost instantly and then came over, shooting the man behind the counter, yelling like he’d lost his damn mind. Suddenly he turned the gun on her, eyes wild as he stared at her. When he realised it was her, she saw confusion cross his face before he stuffed the gun in his jeans and grabbed her wrist, dragging her out of there.

“We gotta go! We gotta fuckin’ go!” He yelled, dragging her so fast she almost tripped a few times. She didn't have the chance to protest as he stuffed her in the passenger side of his car, getting in and pulling out with a screech.

“What the fuck Rocco?!” She yelled, looking at him like he had grown three heads. She had just witnessed her best friend fucking kill three people in broad daylight. Had everyone she knew lost their fucking minds?! He was yelling incoherently, something about being set up, and Lila was struggling to keep up with him.

“This is all your fuckin’ boys fault!” He shouted, hitting the steering wheel. He was going so fast Lila thought she might get thrown from the car.

“What?! You know?” She asked warily, she didn't know how else to take his words.

“Of course I fuckin’ know, I walked in after they took out those nine fuckin’ guys at the Plaza! Fuck!” Lila blinked at him, looking at him confused.

“Rocco, where are they?” She asked firmly, making him glance to her. He was dripping in sweat and looked like he was about to crawl out of his skin.

“They're at my place, we went back there last night and got wasted.” He muttered, eyes darting everywhere as he made a sharp turn and Lilas head almost hit the window.

“They’re with you?!” She roared, making his eyes widen as he looked at her, he just blinked not knowing what to say.

“They couldn't even fucking call me to tell me they’re alive?!” She was fucking furious and Rocco knew he’d landed them in shit.

“You know about the shit they're doin’? Some crazy ass bullshit if you ask me.” He ran a hand through his damp wild hair.

Lilas' chest was heaving, she had been so worried and they'd been at Rocco's, they knew she’d be at the loft yet they didn't even bother to call her to ease her worries. Rocco looked at her and he could see just how pissed she was.

“Shit, I didn't think you knew alright? Shit's been fuckin’ hectic. Fuck! I can't believe I just…” Lila focused on staring out the window and Rocco preceded to tell her everything he knew, from the second the boys dragged him in the Plaza with masks on, to him fucking killing the cat by accident, everything up to what led him to commit murder in the deli. She wasn't sure if he was telling her for her benefit or his, like he needed to just get it all out there to make sense of it all.

When they got to his place, he hit the brakes so hard that she yelped, he was gone in an instant, running into his house like a mad man. Lila got out, following after him slowly, still angry to fuck at the boys and she could hear Rocco yelling at them to pack their shit.

“Alright, I love this shit!” She heard Murphy yell excitedly, she would have smiled if she didn't want to throttle the shit out of him. There was more shouting and as she finally made her way to his front door, Rocco was waving his gun around as he shouted at Donna and her friend, both of them clearly high as fuck. She saw the boys stuffing things in bags and they hadn't noticed her yet, but then she looked back to Rocco as he pointed a gun at Donna's friend as he screamed at her, the woman was wailing and Lila squinted unimpressed with her best friend. He’d seriously lost his fucking shit.

“Rocco! Put it the fuck down!” She yelled, storming over and tugging his arm away.

The boys' heads snapped up hearing her voice and they stilled completely seeing her there. Rocco groaned, stuffing the gun back in his pants as he looked to Lila with a regretful sigh. When she turned back around, the boys looked at her with such guilty scared faces and she narrowed her eyes at them.

“Let's get the fuck outta here!” Rocco grumbled, pushing Lila out of the door and the boys following behind with bags. Murphy reached for her arm and she yanked it away from him, giving him such an intense look he actually recoiled.

“Lila…” Connor started, frowning at her. She just turned her back and followed Rocco who was still muttering to himself.

Connor sighed as they got to the car, looking to Rocco who still looked halfway to insane.

“Listen Roc, did anybody see ye?” Connor asked, looking to his friend concerned. Shooting up the deli in the middle of the day was hardly a good plan.

“Of course they fucking saw him! He lost his fucking shit, he pulled his gun on me!” Lila shouted, making Rocco's eyes widen and look at her guilty.

“Ye did what?!” Murphy yelled, smacking Rocco upside the head.

“Wait a fuckin’ minute, Lila was there? Ye left tegether?” Connor asked carefully, glancing from Lila to Rocco. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together, if people saw Rocco do it and then leave with Lila, she was wanted just as much. Whether that was by the police or by the mafia themselves.

“For Christ sake Roc! Now look what ye've done!” Murphy growled, kicking the side of the car in frustration. Rocco raked a hand through his hair, tugging on it a little, looking more than guilty.

“I wouldn't have been at the deli if I hadn't woken up alone, worried about you two fuck heads. I left the loft to distract myself.” Lila glared at the twins, making sure they fucking knew they were in deep shit with her.

“Lila, look, we’re sorry alright?” Connor sighed, looking at her warily. She just scoffed bitterly.

“Yeah okay… You went off and killed a bunch of assholes, then decided to get shit faced with Rocco. You didn't even think about me, it's like I don't even exist anymore!” She sneered, fists clenching by her sides.

“O’ course we thought about ye, how can ye even say that?” Murphy frowned, getting upset as he stared at her.

“Don't fucking lie to me! If you thought about me even once, you would have used your fucking brain and called me!” She yelled, shoving Murphy hard in the chest, venting her anger out on the closest twin. He stumbled back a minute before he pushed her back with a scowl, lightly of course otherwise she would have flown backwards, but it was enough to make her growl at him.

“We had a lot o’ shit goin’ on! Doesn't mean we didn't think about ye!” He snapped, getting in her face. She didn't back down though as she glared at him.

“And whose faults that? You two chose to go out there and do what you did, all you had to do was let me know you were fucking okay.” She seethed. Connor grabbed her arm and pulled her away from Murphy as Lila continued her stare off with him.

She shook Connor off her and got in the back of the car, slamming the door behind her. The twins shared a look and sighed. They knew they'd messed up. They should have called her. There wasn't really a good enough excuse not to have called her. They were dealing with this new calling and had a lot going on with them, they just thought she would be asleep by the time they were done and they planned on checking in with her in the morning. They knew they'd fucked up, seeing how upset she was, how worried she had been, the guilt settled into their bones and they weren’t sure how to make it up to her, not when they knew they were not finished carrying out their special brand of justice. There were more people to get rid of now, and they weren't sure how Lila was going to deal with it.

Rocco got in the back with her whilst Connor took up driving, Murphy in the passenger seat with his leg up on the dash. Lila remained silent and Rocco kept looking at her like a kicked puppy.

“You know I wasn’t gonna shoot you, right?” He asked quietly, not wanting the boys to hear, they were already mad enough that he had pulled a gun on their girl.

“I know Roc, don't worry, you’re fine.” She gave him a weak smile and he relaxed, feeling better. He hadn't really expected the girl to just be there at the deli, he felt like he’d really got her knee-deep in shit now, she was associated with him after what he did.

They were on their way to Rocco's mom's house, she was out of town and it seemed like a good place to hide out for now.

“Connor, stop the car! Stop the fuckin’ car man!” Rocco exclaimed, making Lila jump a little as Connor pulled the car up. It was outside what looked to be a strip club and Lila quirked a brow at Rocco.

“Vincenzo, that fat mother fucker, Yakavetta’s right hand. He's the one who set me up. Then he went around shootin’ his mouth off, tellin’ everyone I was as good as dead. He goes in there every Wednesday night around 10:00, he jerks off to the same titty dancer. Never misses.” He spoke animatedly, eyes flitting from one brother to another. Lilas' eyes narrowed slightly, starting to see why Rocco was telling them this and not liking it one bit.

“Yeah, so?” Murphy looked back at him, quirking a brow.

“So let's kill the motherfucker! I mean, what are you guys... like that's your new thing right?!” He asked, sitting forward a little, his eyes going wild again. Lila shifted in her seat feeling fucking uncomfortable. They were talking about killing someone. A bad person yeah, but still a fucking person. When did her boys and Rocco start acting like talking about murder was just taking someone out for dinner?

Connor pulled a face and looked to his brother before back in front of him.

“Yeah...well…” He sounded hesitant, waving his hand dismissively.

“Oh, what the fuck? I mean, who makes the cut? Is there a raffle or somethin’?!” Rocco asked exasperatedly. Lila might have laughed at his reaction if it wasn't for the fact they were talking about murder.

“Well te tell ye the truth, those first ones, they just sorta fell inte our laps.” Murphy admitted as he glanced back at Rocco again, his eyes falling onto Lila. She wasn't looking at any of them and he could see she was feeling awkward about the whole thing. He felt bad for shouting at her, it had just hurt him, offended him for her to say he hadn’t thought about her, he always fucking thought about her. He reached back hesitantly, fingers brushing her knee softly, making her eyes snap to his. For a brief second, he saw his beautiful Lila, eyes full of love and adoration, but it was like she remembered she was mad at them and suddenly her eyes went cold before she looked away. He moved his hand with a sigh feeling the sting of rejection build in his chest.

“Well, what d’ya do?” Rocco asked confused, looking between the boys.

“We haven't really got a system for decidin’ who Roc, its uh…” Connor stumbled, trying to find the right words for his strangely excited friend. Rocco looked between them both getting more and more worked up, he looked like he was about to burst at the seams.

“ME! Me! I’m the guy! I know everyone! Their habits, who they hang out with, who they talk to. I got phone numbers! Addresses! I know who they’re fuckin’! I know where they live!... We could kill everyone…” He sounded so in awe of his own plan and Lila slowly turned to look at him like he was crazy. Murphy pursed his lips like he was actually thinking about it as he turned to his brother.

“So, what do ye think?” He asked seriously, making Lila roll her eyes and shake her head.

“I’m strangely comfortable with it.” Connor replied nonchalantly, making Murphy smirk as Rocco huffed a laugh.

“This is...wow...you assholes have really lost your damn minds.” Lila muttered, pressing closer to the door. She knew these guys, these guys who were more boys than men most of the time and now they were fucking killers, what world did she fucking wake up in for this shit to happen?

Connor looked at her through the rearview mirror as Murphy glanced around at her, hearing her words. They chose not to say anything, they would talk to her once they got to Rocco's mother's house, where Connor hoped to have a serious and civil conversation. They set off driving again and it didn't take too long to get there. Lila got out, avoiding the boys and following Rocco inside. She glanced around curiously before moving into the kitchen, helping herself to a glass of water because she fucking needed one.

“We need te talk.” She heard Connors serious voice behind her. She scoffed into the glass before slamming it down, turning to face him and his twin who was stood to his right.

“Stating the obvious there.” She sassed, crossing her arms over her chest. Murphy licked his lower lip, glaring at her almost and Connor heaved a sigh.

“Look, ye know we have te do this, ye know why, ye had the dream. We can’t just ignore what Gods asked us te do.” He said exasperatedly, frowning at her.

Lila looked at him with so much pain for a moment it made the boys breathless and she shook her head.

“It might have slipped your attention, but never once did I ask you not to go out there and do this, never once have I told you not to go. All I asked was that you tell me if you’re safe and you couldn't even manage that.” She stated with hurt lacing her words, looking at them both. The boys glanced to each other then, she was right. They hadn't really noticed she hadn't asked them not to do this, she hadn't tried to use their love for her to manipulate them into staying at home with her. She hadn't asked anything of them other than knowing they were okay, and that just made them feel like huge assholes. They knew if the shoe was on the other foot, and they had been worried about her like that and she had been fine all along, there would have been hell to pay. They had let her down, again.

“Look, we’re sorry alright? We should have called ye, we don't have a good reason and we can't turn back time. All we can do is just apologise.” Connor sighed regretfully as he wiped a hand over his face, looking at her imploringly.

���I get it, you didn't think about me. Because whatever this is, this new life of yours, there's no room for me in it.” She said bitterly, turning around to fill her glass up again, she was starting to feel lightheaded, this drama was too much for her.

“Don't say that.” Murphy muttered sadly, if she would have looked at him she would have seen the hurt all over his face.

“There is fuckin’ room for ye Lila, it's right beside us, as it’s always been. I'm not gonna lie te ye and tell ye things are the same, ‘cause they aren't, but yer place is still by our side. That’ll never change.” Connor said firmly, stepping forward and turning her to face them.

She couldn't look them in the eye and she focused on Connors rosary dangling in front of his chest. She knew they were good men, she knew why they were doing what they were doing, she knew it was a good thing, something that needed to be done. It was still a hard pill to swallow that the people tasked with ridding the world of such evil were her boys. She only had two options; walk away and forget about them, or stick around and just get used to their new line of work and pray they'd be okay. There was no way in hell she was going to walk away, so she needed to make peace with this. She couldn't stay angry at them forever.

“Promise me one thing.” She said softly, finally meeting his eyes before looking over his shoulder at Murphy, the darker twin with his sad eyes that made her heart ache.

“Anythin’ m’girl.” Murphy insisted almost desperately, his eyes not leaving hers.

“Don't pull that shit again. I was worried sick about you two and that's not okay. If you can't come home to me, you fucking get a hold of me somehow so I know you're fine.” She demanded firmly.

“We promise.” The boys replied without hesitation. They knew they had made a mistake. They had been selfish and they wouldn't do it again. They had made her think she had no place with them anymore and that shit wasn't acceptable. Her place was always in between them, no matter what, and they needed to show her that.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag

[moviemumbojumbo]

17 Ridiculous Sequels That We're Totally Gonna Go See

This is unbelievable, but actually pretty believable, because them Hollywooders be like "money! money! money!"  Some of these are more ridiculous than others, some you might already know about, and some will blow your mind, or as us bloggers like to say "it will change your life forever." 

1. Beetlejuice 2

It's very early in Beetlejuice 2 development, but apparently it's a thing, and apparently it's going to involve Michael Keaton and Tim Burton. Hmmmm. Tim Burton isn't exactly on a hot streak. Michael Keaton OWNS the Beetlejuice character and will no doubt nail it again. But I mean, I saw him nail it already, sooo this is ridiculous, and yes, I will go see it.

2. Ghostbusters 3

Well we've been hearing about this for like, years. No one has been really that excited about it, and unfortunately one of the most important contributors to Ghostbusters, Harold Ramis, has passed away. Bill Murray doesn't want to be in it. Ivan Reitman is producing but not directing. HOWEVER we are now reading that Paul Feig is signed on to direct it and it will star an all-female ghostbusters team. Hey, that's kind of exciting, especially considering the chicks that Paul Feig has worked with. Please put Annie Potts in it! Please please put Annie Potts in it! She can be the secretary again! Please!

3. Dumb and Dumber To:

I was actually kind of really excited about Dumb and Dumber To, once again staring Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey, but after seeing the trailer, EYE ROLL. If the best jokes are in the trailer, then we don't have much to look forward to in this movie. Dumb and Dumber wasn't exactly a high brow comedy, but at least the jokes made sense in some sort of dumb guy universe. Many people are going to see it. I'll rent it. This November, Dumb just got Dumber. (I thought of that line)

4. Bill & Ted 3

Jesus Christ. How does this even work? Are Keanu Reeves and that other dude going to pretend to be idiot teenagers? Maybe the movie will just start in the "future" where these stupid unfunny teenagers are stuck as middle-aged men. It's a good thing the plot involved time travel! Phew! Were the first two Bill & Ted movies any good in the first place? I don't actually remember because it was TWENTY FUCKING YEARS AGO. Anyway, Keanu Reeves says there's a script. Bogus.

5. Beverly Hills Cop 4

This is full on happening, Eddie Murphy is involved, and it's being filmed in Detroit. This seems stupid, but for some reason, I don't hate this idea. I have not seen the second and third films, so maybe I'm just being naive. Were the sequels funny? Is Eddie Murphy still awesome? 

6. Blade Runner 2

Well, this is based on a book, so fine. But I don't understand why they waited so long. A lot has happened to Harrison Ford since the first movie. Most recently, Expendables 3 happened to Harrison Ford. Nevertheless, Ridley Scott is set to direct and Ford is set to star. The script is apparently written, and there's a website. When Blade Runner came out, there were no websites.

7. Dodgeball 2

It will star Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn. The news I am finding is over a year old, so I guess that means the project is getting dragged out a bit or whatever. I don't know. 

8. The Goonies 2

WHAAAAAAAAT? WHAATTT? This one blows my mind the most. I should put it at the bottom or the top of this list but then I would have to renumber everything, so fuck that. Just know it's the most ridiculous. I can't even imagine what in god's name this movie will be like. I can't even start to guess. I do not know. The original director Richard Donner is somehow still alive and he's into it.  According to news, it's been "in the works" for quite a long time. Here's Josh Brolin celebrating the Goonies THIRTIETH anniversary and fielding a question about the sequel.

9. Independence Day 2

I mean, OK. Whatever. There's no Will Smith but there is Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum. According to Screenrant, it's coming out on July 4, 2015. Clever. 

Screenrant:

 The sequel will pick up in real-time, some twenty years after the first movie. However, co-writers Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich (the latter is returning to direct) have revealed that ID4-2 takes place in an alternate present-day reality, where humanity has spent the last two decades harvesting the alien technology featured in the first movie.

There's already a second sequel. They are calling it ID Forever Part 1 & Part 2, which is kind of confusing. And also very ambitious, especially with no Fresh Prince. This isn't the Hunger Games, so good luck with that. Who am I kidding, this will make shit tons of money....Ok, I'm actually very bored writing about this.

10. Jurassic World

News says it's directed by Colin Trevorrow, whose breakout project was Safety Not Gauranteed, so he's an indie guy. Maybe two dinosaurs will fall in love and listen to the shins together! Jurassic World stars Chris Pratt and Judy Greer. 

11. Rambo 5

Sylvester says he's started to train for it. According to Screenrant, he's going to battle a Mexican drug cartel threat, which sounds like a totally new and original idea to me. 

12. Rounders 2

Something about a card game in Paris. Matt Damon's in, and my guess is that his poker-addicted character will go to Paris for one last job before he retires. Harvey Weinstein is producing it after some boring Hollywood Miramax business split-off merger or whatever who cares.

13. Magic Mike XXL

Of course this movie's release will be a Movie Mumbo Jumbo main event showdown. The E! news says that production just started! Everyone wag yo dicks around at each other in celebration because this is happening! It's being shot as we speak! Soderbergh is pushing it forward, and he didn't wait until Channing Tatum was 72 to do it. Soderbergh is not directing, but is doing all of the other important jobs (DP, editor, cameraman). AND AND AND the best news of all is that it will be a straight up stripper movie unlike the first. It's a sequel so they plan to "swing for the fences" according to Tatum. Tatum also said that the whole movie is a bunch of shiny dudes, wildly swinging their dicks all over the place including on fences, at a stripper convention. Or something like that.

14. Taken 3

Bryan Mills, played by Liam Neesom, has really bad luck. And I don't know why people keep messing with him. He has a special set of skills. Haven't they learned that yet? Here's the proof of this movie.

15. Zoolander 2

This is majorly TBD. I've been waiting for this for years. And thank goodness Ben Stiller is in awesome shape and STILL totally looks like a hot young supermodel. Ben Stiller produced, directed, and co-wrote the first one, and according to news he would be writing the new script with Justin Theroux, who will be directing it. Lady Gaga was said to be offered a role at one point. But in most recent news, it seems as though Stiller is too busy to do it right now. He's a hollywood big shot, and I want to see Zoolander 2!

16. Clerks III 

Kevin Smith was clearly stoned when he tweeted this. However, he wrote the script and it was going to get made by the Weinsteins until they saw that it would cost 6 million bones (not very much money for them). But Kevin Smith tweeted this summer that it will still be made. I wouldn't know what to expect from this sequel, but I would hope that it wouldn't be very shiny and blockbuster looking, just like the old ones. The 6 million dollar budget tells me that might be true. 

Honorable Mention:

Three more ridiculous sequels that we are definitely NOT going to go see but deserve a mention are  Shakespeare in Love 2 Horrible Bosses 2 Men in Black 4

What the!?

[crystalkleure]

Shadow Bladers

[Continued from {here}]

I WANTED TO SEE THEM ALL UNMASKED....................BeyBurst I will never forgive you if you never give me this, they're too good to just forget about, dammit

...God, I wonder if they're all even still alive?? The ones that got dropped in the Failure Holes were literally just. Never seen again. Well, I mean, we saw their masks crumpled up and strewn all over the ground outside later BUT THAT'S NOT EXACTLY A GOOD SIGN, NOW IS IT

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Also, at least most of the shadows do TRY to mimic some aspect of their opponent's personality, not just their beyblades and fighting styles, but they're usually bad at it lmao. A for effort, boys. Also their stupid black catsuits are High Fashion and I approve.

Yellow Eye

Well, this is...unfortunately, the one we've seen the most of, out of the shadows. He's actually got a name, unlike all the others: "Richard Yellow", supposedly. Very convenient last name there, but I'm gonna call him Dick.

He, uh. Gives me MAJOR skeevy pervert vibes?

...???

That aside though, his sheer fucking terror post-Pit, when Boss actually {SPOILER ALERT} DID come back and kick his ass [YEEEEEAAAAAHHH] and he looked up at Ashram like "Oh...oh no. I am very, very royally fucked" was good for really hammering in the fact that Bad Shit happens to Snake Pit people who lose. Though, I think we actually briefly saw Dick again sometime later and he didn't look any different, so whatever was done to him after that, if anything, certainly wasn't deadly which GIVES ME HOPE FOR THE OTHER GUYS......

Also the sad thing here is the fact that, without the mask, this weird little bastard might actually be cute if he didn't do That with his damn lipstick. At least, I HOPE that's lipstick and he just sucks at wearing makeup?? And the "Welp...shit." moment when Boss lost to him in the Snake Pit but DIDN'T fall down the hole like he was supposed to was fucking hilarious tbh. "Is this allowed?? Can he do that??? Should. Should I do something about this? Mr. Ashram sir???? Is this allowed???? hhhhHHHHHE'S BREAKING THE RULES HGKSLSJFLK?????"

4/10, I'm forever bitter about the fact that ONLY this shadow got unmasked onscreen ;-; IT'S NOT FAIR

Black Eye

This bitch. This pompous, taunting bitch. He's absolutely terrible and he's perfect and I need to see him again.

He was actually REALLY successful at behaving just like Dyna...except he was acting with an outdated character script because Dyna's not an asshole like that anymore. Black was playing the part of "early s1 Dyna" exceptionally well, though. He was playing mind games exactly like Dyna did back then. The resemblance was uncanny, he even managed to actually unnerve Dyna himself. Flawless execution. Kudos, buddy.

The fucking crystal ball thing is just unbearable though, holy shit he hams it up way too much. I would say that, hell, he MIGHT actually be able to ~see into the future~, considering Clio's Exceptionally Compelling Evidence that spoopy psychic majick possibly does exist to some degree in BeyBurst, buuuut...I know how IRL FAKE psychics work, and they, uh, act exactly like Black. Basically [at risk of oversimplifying], if they can get into your head and make you BELIEVE something's going to happen, then they can make it happen. Which is exactly what Black did to score that Over Finish against Dyna. And Dyna noticed it -- he noticed that he lost that point because Black's words were getting under his skin, and so his hands weren't steady when he launched. And when Dyna stopped believing Black after figuring that out, Black lost. Black's scenes were actually quite nicely written.

10/10. This guy's awful, but he's good, man. What's this overenthusiastic theater kid doing down in a damn torture pit, anyway. He should be out swindling people with palm readings or some shit.

Grey Eye

“IT'S ALL MUSCLE, BRO”

I just can't really form a solid opinion on this one aside from the fact that he seemed like a fun guy? Cooza kicked his ass pretty fast and then he was gone. Hm. 5/10.

Azul/Azure Eye

Perfect. Perfect and amazing. Very very fluffy and very very nice, how the hell did this sweet boy end up in the torture pit?? He LIKED Valt and Valt's friends -- I think his friendliness was sincere, if not a bit exaggerated and maybe slightly condescending? He certainly wasn't actually mean to them so much as he was really just...playful. More than that, he HELPED Valt. He fucking told Valt how to use his damn beyblade properly [though he wasn't expecting Valt to be able to use a newfound technique so well immediately, but still].

And. And he calls himself "boku-chan" if I'm not mistaken?? Which is a super cutesy way to say "I/me"? He’s like, referring to himself as "cute little me" asdhgklksjg

I'm nnnnnot sure which way is the intended "correct" way to spell his name, though? "Azul" and "Azure" BOTH mean "blue", and they are pronounced exactly the same way with a Japanese accent [there's basically no audible difference between "L"s and "R"s]. Is there any actual official info that explicitly states the correct spelling?? I haven't found any. Most people seem to have gone with "Azure" [including the team subbing the raw episodes], but I was always more inclined to say "Azul" because that's a Spanish word and the Snake Pit is in Mexico?

Also he makes dumb puns. I love him. This one's my favourite shadow guy, no contest. 100/10.

Violet Eye

Poor Violet, oh my god. We didn't even get to see very much of him because Shuu was an asshole lmao.

Seriously, Shuu barged into his room, interrupted his fight, and then kicked him off the platform. Into the Bottomless Doom Pit.

That scene with Violet makes me think that literally all of the masked guys probably fucking hate Shuu just as much as Violet and Norman do, hahaha holy shit. He'd throw any of them under the bus [or rather, down the big hole] for so little as just getting in his way when he wants something. Jesus christ.

6/10, Violet was a jackass but he was funny. He played a pretty decent "early s1 Wakiya", too [generically cocky and insulting, etc.] Not NEARLY enough screentime though, thanks Shuu

To cap off the post, the entire concept of these guys is...neat IN THEORY, but actually pretty dumb and of course it didn't fucking work. It was, quite frankly, amazing that Dick managed to beat Boss. Their gimmick was to mimic Valt's friend group, but. You just. You can't fucking beat someone with their own tricks. Particularly when they've been practicing those tricks longer than you have. If they know the shit better than you do, you can't beat them with it. An actor who plays a kickboxer in a movie would likely get the shit beaten out of them by an actual kickboxer. The fakes just...really couldn't win here. •︵•