hrt-shpd-systm

[hrt-shpd-systm]

at the end of the day at least we will always have music and catharsis achieved through storytelling

[hrt-shpd-systm]

i call this one “nobody likes you when youre 23”

[hrt-shpd-systm]

[hrt-shpd-systm]

I don't remember who because I have Forgets Childhood Disorder, but when I was a small child, some other smaller child couldn't say kitties so said 'titties' instead and so I also used to say it because as a small child I thought the smaller child was cute, and I still catch myself saying things like "sleepin titties" and it makes me smile. I think that's beautiful, something about people leaving little impressions on us even when we can't remember anymore. It's like, the memories aren't here or aren't clear, but I still lived, I still loved, and now I feel the joy that I once longed for. It's nice to know that childhood left little impressions for me to find joy in later. That it wasn't all bad.

And at the same time, that's sometimes the hardest thing. When it wasn't all bad, when people aren't all bad.

But anyway. Sleepin titties. They are really cute.

[hrt-shpd-systm]

i think im finding a DID tumblr that doesnt feel antagonistic to me.

Having DID is not a desirable thing. I find myself mad at my dad for causing it, at my mother for sustaining the environment that exacerbated it further, & overall deeply saddened by the many impasses at which I find myself with almost all of my loved ones, such that our relationships are no longer feasible, because they want to move on without addressing the harm, & I need to address the harm if there's any chance of us moving forward again.

It's being stigmatized out of longstanding professional positions because your employers don't understand that the whole time they *didn't* know you have DID, you still had it, & they never had any issue with you then. Often were even rather impressed with you.

It's worry that partners will think you're being withholding with them in serious conversations because the content might trigger you to switch to a part of yourself that does not retain what you were *just* discussing.

It's everyone around you suddenly being an expert on your brain & gatekeeping you from the same status despite you having the longest observational time of it on record. Yes, even with all the time gaps/dilation & switching. I mean as in you are still who has logged the most time with yourself.

It's being terrified to make something of yourself & lose it all in an instant to that stigma.

And by & large it's utter devastation because you have one of the "craziest" disorders we know about & all it took to prevent it if it was caused by abuse, was basic human decency.

Shit is not cute. But I also know better than to shame myself for having it. It is what it is, & I'm taking on the work to learn about myself & heal & in the meantime try my best to get comfortable being open about it. Destigmatizing by example. Something like that.

[hrt-shpd-systm]

i fucking noticed this and i gaslighted myself into thinking it was my own god damn fault.

"you can use ai to improve spelling and grammar"

[hrt-shpd-systm]

seeing how a lot of cdd/plural (i don’t identify as that but yk just in general) don’t have similar experiences like i do is rly discomforting. like a lot of posts that involve being positive with your system aspect of your disorder/whatever is just shit that i can’t do with my system

not in a “i’m jealous they’re more recovered than me” way but in a “these people are able to have a good time, communicate, have innerworld, yk”

it’s just something i can’t do. no innerworld, not much communication if any besides outside stuff, that shit. the whole “love your alters” thing doesn’t apply to me, since we are parts of a whole and we don’t view ourselves as like…different people. i see my alters as me and im them, yk??

[hrt-shpd-systm]

The most important skill

[hrt-shpd-systm]

“Embrace in Fragments” by Alisher Kushakov

[hrt-shpd-systm]

Happy birthday to Lyudmila Pavlichenko (born July 12, 1916), Soviet sniper in World War II, with 309 confirmed kills.

A true role model for today.

[hrt-shpd-systm]

I hate Crocs.

[hrt-shpd-systm]

[hrt-shpd-systm]

It sure is telling how many supposed progressive people think that the ideal solution to ableist discrimination is to just prevent disabled people from being born or to fantasize about inventing unlikely cures instead of doing anything whatsoever to actually materially improve the rights, conditions and accommodations that define disabled people's lives in this society. If you really think a disabled life "just isn't worth living", then that's most likely because of how society doesn't make room for us and not because we should just be "progressively" eradicated.

[hrt-shpd-systm]

50x over i agree with this.

people love to criticise the actions of someone under an extreme amount of stress as irrationally, irredeemably monstrous, and then you'll actually look at what they're talking about and see that not only is their behaviour entirely understandable given the circumstances, but they're actually demonstrating incredible restraint and will to endure beyond what you thought anyone was capable of

[hrt-shpd-systm]

Santiago Licata

[hrt-shpd-systm]

[hrt-shpd-systm]

They Have Slept in the Forest Too Long (1926) Max Ernst, oil on canvas