#Lucifer spoilers

[dorelia23]

Michael the minute their dad showed up going about how they started beating him and LOOK WHAT LUCIFER DID TO MY FACE

Someone call the wampulance.

[malorisaurus]

Last night, I finally finished Lucifer (Netflix). It took me quite a long time to make my way through the series—a couple of years. I would have periods of binge, and then long breaks when I reached critical mass of the specific types of shenanigans in the show. I think I have concluded that repetitive behaviors can cause me frustration, even if they are leading to an interesting and valuable place. The lack of communication or Lucifer's regressions would sometimes become too much for me, or plot elements (like Cain) would fall into narrative elements that I just did not care for.

That said, it is unusual for me to have this feeling but keep coming back to a show. Even more unusual is for me to feel the incredible love I felt for the characters that I had in the final season and the series finale.

All of the behaviors made the outcomes very rewarding to me, and even though I was initially irritated by the time-traveling angel daughter, it actually became one of the most impactful parts of the show for me. Don't get me wrong, I do have to just gloss over some problematic self-sacrificial stuff, so I am not without my criticisms. But it doesn't really matter, in the end. They wrote a show that managed to be true to all of the characters, deliver on what was promised and then some, and created a found family that I genuinely loved.

More than that, I am struck by how long it took me to get through this show because it is difficult to look at the circumstances surrounding this exact moment and not feel that it was kismet—truly well and good "meant to happen right in this moment" shit.

You see, I have been in therapy for the past two years largely to deal with the fallout of my abusive, narcissistic father "punishing" me by ostracizing my sister and I out of our family which led to our mutual decision to ultimately go no-contact with him. The way I described it to my therapist was that staying in contact with my dad let me feel like I had some measure of control—I gave him what he wanted out of me and our relationship, and then he would proceed to not give me a single thought. I could control encountering him because I knew what to say to keep myself safe (to an extent). He showed me pretty quickly after no-contact what he thought of that by showing up at mine and my sister's doorstep unannounced to not speak to us but leave random shit as some sort of message, or he would drive by when we were visiting my grandmother and wait for us to see him and then drive away. It quickly unmoored me. You see, not speaking to him meant that I no longer knew where he was, so he could be anywhere, so I was afraid of everywhere.

This is relevant to watching this last season of Lucifer because Lucifer Morningstar has a lot of narcissistic behaviors, but his growth is also profound. He has to grapple with the fact that everyone is telling him who he is (the devil that abandons his family), and even though he has his moments of doubt, he ultimately says to people, "No, I would NEVER do that" and it is the truth. I watched the devil grapple with himself, become defensive and blame his child for the simple fact that she was speaking her truth, and then come to realize that the past (future) is the past (future) and that all he could do was be better now.

Lately in therapy, I have been grappling with a particularly difficult period of my life—the time-period I would say where my enmeshment with my father really became solidified. She [therapist] is constantly probing and cautioning me to make sure that I am not "story-telling"—essentially catering to my traumas by telling a narrative about the circumstances (like ascribing motive and intention to behaviors of other people when I can't know those things). I have been struggling to internalize this, to be honest. It is difficult to let go of the stories that helped one survive, because for many of us in abusive circumstances, these stories are the only thing protecting us. I have been regressing emotionally as a result of these therapy sessions to a depression similar to what I experienced then at 15, and I have had difficulty letting it go. It has been hard to grapple with the fact that much of my identity and how I think about myself was forged within that 15 year old and is relevant today. To let go of those things then would mean I would also have to let go of them now, and it is human nature to be self-protective.

And this is where the last season of Lucifer comes into play. I have watched it entirely over the past week, after a session where my therapist really honed in on this story-telling I was doing in a way that really made me see how it was not serving me. And to be honest, I was filled with grief at knowing I needed to let it go. There is a grief to letting go of your rage.

And I was sitting there, watching Lucifer show up for his daughter and choosing to be better than he even believed himself to be. Choosing to believe that he was deserving of love and knowing that he had love to give. He self-actualized because it was important to him to be a good father. He chose Rory over and over again, and I honestly wept harder than I have in a long time, entirely unexpectedly.

Rory's rage and her arc to understanding was also just incredibly impactful to me in this period of vulnerability. She is so wrapped up in her own narrative of why her father left her that she was filled with anger. It colored her whole life, and the bitterness dramatically impacted her. But in the end, that was all just a story that she was telling herself. Now, not to compare the circumstances of this particular narrative with the actions of my own father. Objectively, his actions were not great! Regardless, I am telling stories about his motivations and even his intent because that was my perception of them. There is no way to know those things. And even though I intellectually understood that concept, it solidified it seeing it play out in Rory in the context of her relationship with her father.

In this, it was extremely evident that it was vital to leave the past in the past. Rehashing the past is often an exercise in defensiveness and being protective of one’s trauma. There is no making amends for the past. Forgiveness isn’t about amends. There is only how we choose to move forward. That may include being apologetic, but I think that the point is that to move forward there has to be simple acknowledgement of the past and that the reality of it is different for every person. To shape a relationship going forward simple things have to be in place—lack of judgement, security in vulnerability, honesty, openness, and an intention to do no harm. Literally the basics of human interaction, but surprisingly difficult in certain contexts. If the past is not owned, then it will just be repeated. But rehashing the past only makes it live in the present, and each present moment into infinity. Holding onto trauma isn’t the way out.

Ultimately, I never expected to be so moved by my silly little devil show, but it is truly this power of fiction that constantly floors me. I owe so much to books, film, and television. I have, over the course of my entire cognizance, contextualized and learned how to understand the world around me through these mediums. As an Autist, it was a touchstone for me in a way that I cannot adequately describe. And here I am again, a whole ass adult, having therapy breakthroughs because of Lucifer Morningstar.* Linda would be so proud.

___

*The therapy in this show is also very funny to me. I am actually not a huge proponent of therapy, even though I talk extensively about my own therapy pursuits here. The depiction of therapy in the show is (I think accidentally) an accurate representation of the therapeutic experience. Lucifer comes to therapy with extreme bias, a tendency to very obviously and conveniently misremember details to suit his narrative, and a propensity to steamroll Linda (his therapist turned friend and mother of his nephew) by either willfully misunderstanding her guidance or ignoring it entirely because he is avoiding his emotions.

The effectiveness of therapy is only as good as what the patient brings to it. And Lucifer does ultimately wind up thinking about what is brought up in therapy after making some rash blunders in reaction to confronting something emotionally uncomfortable, and I think that is an honest representation of how therapy goes for many people. A therapist is only privy to the information given by the patient, and has some tools to ask questions and offer differences in perspective. But ultimately, if the patient lies, withholds, and disregards, the therapist will not be effective. Even in the show, the way they got around the therapist not knowing that Lucifer is doing these things (aside from his obvious traits: selfishness, a flair for the dramatic, daddy issues, persecution complex) is the fact that Linda is close with every person that is important to Lucifer. She literally knows the details, so he can’t get away with misrepresenting them to her. It is fascinating to me that a show can show how therapy is simultaneously very flawed but also sometimes still effective.

[fogemorfem]

*LUCIFER SERIES FINALE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT*

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS POSSIBLY THE BEST SERIES FINALE I HAVE EVER WATCHED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!

I mean I had my hopes but the road was long and heavy and I also had my doubts. But BECAUSE it was a long and bittersweet road, when the ending I hoped for happened I basically exploded out of my skin. I jumped out of the sofa, bouncing around and screaming so loud and for so long that I heard nothing of what was being said (I had subtitles on so not a problem) and I sort of worried about damaging my own hearing but I could not stop. Holyshitholyshit it was perfect. It was perfect because it wasn't sugary sweet. Because there was so much meaning to the journey. For a while, when I didn't know if we would get to see it to the actual end, I was like "I fucking hate when an ending isn't what I want, but it's so fucking perfect that I can't even complain, and if I got what I wanted it would be so lame in comparison." I would actually have forgiven them, because it was the right call, and though it was unhappy in some ways, it was so happy in others, in ways that really matter. But then they actually went all the way. And that gratification was insane. Wow. Blown away. Those credits were way too short for me to be able to process all that, they should have made like half an hour credits, just repeating names and writing whatever, just so one can stew in that amazing finale.

Oh, and Dan's fucking pudding, I lost it x)

[thesoundasitfell]

I know I only come back here once in a blue moon to fangirl over some long-dead series that everyone else already moved on from but I just finished Lucifer and what the fuck was that ending. You're telling me Amenadiel can become a whole-ass God and still make it home in time for his kid's birthday but Lucifer can't go back to being the devil (albeit a shinier, happier devil) without missing his kid's entire life AND she's not allowed to know it was actually her choice to begin with because... reasons? Make it make sense.

[totallynots8tan]

So: Hot Take (warning: spoilers for Lucifer)

I don’t like how they handled Cain/Pierce. There was a whole plot point about “he’s not actually as evil as he’s made out to be”, and the they make him evil!

This is my own opinion, but you wanna know what I would have done (I’m going to write it anyway)?

I would have made a minor romance between Lucifer and Cain/Pierce (with Deckerstar as endgame), and had it be a whole conflict/learning experience for Lucifer when they succeed at killing him. Then, Lucifer and Chloe start trying to get back to where they were, and work through it together.

No Chloe x Pierce, NO Charlotte dying (that one really got me), and we get to explore Lucifer’s bisexuality. Obviously there are some plot holes, but I’m really just spitballing.

[stxrdust-widow]

Anyone have any fix-it fic recommendations for Lucifer? I’m not totally vibing with how this season ended (yes I did still cry but still).

I hate the child-returns-from-the-future trope and I don’t like how the series ends (I spoiled myself and think it’s dumb that Lucifer would leave Chloe for literal YEARS until she dies to raise they’re child alone and not visit like???) And Chloe being left alone TWICE is ridiculous (first Dan dies and then Lucifer leaves her after they fought so hard to be together in the first place- but they’re somehow ok with being apart for like 50 years?)

Anyway, please help a girl out!

[lil-tumbles]

Also I'm rewatching Lucifer (idk why either) and that bit with the twin brother is just like "there are two Lucifer's before you. The only difference between them? One sometimes lies, the other only ever tells the truth"

[localfaecryptid]

Despite its faults (including being insatiable Copaganda), I fucking love Lucifer because where else are you going to see a fucking demon of the order of Lilith try (and fail to) seduce Eve™️ by singing a karaoke rendition of Wonderwall.

[dorelia23]

Me : Pete and Ella are actually adorable together, I don't trust him.

5 minutes later : "Ella in that lily plant room in HIS house"

[castielsprostate]

NO ONE TOLD ME ROBERT BENEDICT GOT DEAN'ED IN THE FINALE OF LUCIFER IM SCREAMING

[thereallucifer666]

chloe, killed by michael ( because anguish )

Whatever momentary happiness Lucifer had felt in seeing his little sister Azrael show up to the battle was quickly dashed with that one sentence.

I'm sorry, Lu.

What did that mean? Why was she sorry? What did she have to be sorry for?

"No."

She was here for Chloe.

He turned in time to see her, holding up Amenadiel's necklace with a triumphant smile on her face. It was happening now, right now. He called her name too late and he watched in horror as Michael ran her through with the jagged edge of Zadkiel's staff.

He screamed her name then, watching as his whole world collapsed to the concrete platform. He had taken off running towards her, the only singular thought being that he needed to get to her, he needed to save her.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" He chanted over and over again, falling to his knees beside her and gathering up in his arms. "I'm sorry! This is all my fault! It's my fault!"

She was touching his face, the light in her eyes dimming as she assured him it wasn't. But he knew it was. He let her bet here, he put her in danger. She mentioned Dan and how his death wasn't her fault, either. She was fading, her voice going quieter until...

"I love you."

Her eyes closed, her hand fell from his face and Lucifer broke. He held her close sobbing. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening.

But she didn't move, she didn't open her eyes, she didn't take a breath. She was gone. With a shattered cry, he lowered her carefully to the ground, sobbing over her body.

His insufferable twin, the heartless monster, offered little comfort, muttering about how it sounded like she had made peace, that she was in Heaven.

Heaven. A place he hadn't been to since the rebellion, a place he couldn't return to without burning to ashes. She was there. She was there.

No. He decided then and there with the ultimate note of finality.

No.

No!

It wasn't her time, this wasn't right. Damn this war, damn Michael, damn Hell, Earth and Heaven. Damn it all to the ground.

He was going to get her back.

[dorelia23]

I think in s4e1 where someone (I don't remember who exactly) asks Chloe If Lucifer is okay and she says he'll be fine, I was like, since when???? This guy something happens to him and he vanishes for a week and then show up to the crime scene looking like a wreck.

[chaoticwistfulness]

They got Tom Welling who played Cain on Lucifer, but they still haven't cast Abel 🤪🤣

Cain: 2

Abel: 0