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squidward, meaning "in the direction of squid"

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Seasonal Affective Disorder is just emotional scurvy, all my core wounds are reopening and they won't be fixed until the big lemon in the sky comes back

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in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

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My wife did some glass etching, so we have a bunch of glasses with this at the bottom.

This was early on in our marriage, these are just the glasses we use every day.

Fast forward to when my son is five years old. He has learned to read. He has graduated from sippy cups.

When I hear him wailing and crying I come running down the stairs, and he's inconsolable. Took a lot of soothing and time to explain to him that it was just a joke. He wanted the glasses destroyed, but as a compromise we retired them from use for a while.

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When I'm out in the garage working, Vice gets to tag along and hunt dust bunnies in the garage attic. I pause every so often to call him down, just to make sure he hasn't gotten into trouble.

He always has a Lot to report.

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hfggvghjccgjghggfhvhhhhjhjfh goodnight, gorgeous. the tortures resume bright and early tomorrow

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hey guys i'm going to the store can u make sure nothing happens to my chocolate milk

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it must feel good as hell when you’re a horse and you take a big bite out of an apple like ttshoke

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You get used to painting with only one hand.

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If I theoretically hit a chansey with my car and then sped off in a panic do you think I would go to jail for hitting an endangered species or do you think it would be fine because it's a chansey and nothing can take down those pink bastards

well i cant tell you what would happen legally. but i CAN say that a chansey 1. will survive and 2. will seek vengeance

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at the party,,, lambing it, and by “it” well, let’s just say baahhh

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hmm... i must consult with my council of eunuch sorcerers

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