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johnsbleu · 5 years ago

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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 66

warnings: none! HMH Masterlist

You and Tess decided to go shopping, which is so unlike you, but it’s not every day that you’re in Rome. Since you’re in a different country, John told you to use to his credit card, and even though you huffed loudly when he tucked it into your wallet, you’re kind of thankful that he did because you and Tess have bought…quite a few things.

A wind chime for your mom, who has been weirdly obsessed with them lately, and every time you FaceTime, she shows you the new one she’s bought. She’ll love this one since it’s made from a teapot, which she is also weirdly obsessed with. You bought Dan a statue of a giraffe wearing a chef’s hat that you already know he’ll love, and he’ll probably put it random places and send you a million pictures.

Tess has bought several dresses for herself, and she’s praying like hell that they’ll fit after she has the baby. They will, you know they will, but she’s still stressed. She bought a few pieces of jewelry, and now she’s on the prowl for something for Jimmy.

You head for the shop down the road, and you look over at Tess as she stops to take more pictures of the street and flowers. She points at you and smiles, “Pose for me.”

“Pose for-- Tess, no.” you shake your head and put your hands over your face, “I look like shit today. I didn’t even do my makeup this morning.”

“You look fucking adorable, shut up.”

You turn your back to Tess and laugh, “No, I just threw this on this morning. I already planned on changing when I got back to the hotel. Why can’t you wait until tonight?”

Tess groans, “Fine.”

“Ooh, this shop looks nice.” you say and look at the jewelry through the glass window, “I love that bracelet.”

Tess stands next to you and smiles, “Buy it.”

You give Tess a blank stare as you walk past her and into the shop. The shop is cold, and you shiver when you get in, pulling your arms around yourself, “I actually want to get something for John.”

Tess leans over the counter to look at the watches, “I think I might get Jimmy a watch. Whenever I’m late, he looks down at his wrist and taps it.” she rolls her eyes and laughs, “So, maybe I should get him a watch.”

“Sounds like you’re the one who needs the watch.” you laugh, and Tess shoves your shoulder a little. You stand next to her at the counter and look at the silver and gold in the cases. The prices are ridiculous, but at least you know the quality is worth it.

“I’ll pay with my money, don’t worry.” she says, still looking at the watches.

You shake your head and look up at her, “And then I get yelled at by John? No. I’ll pay for it. Seriously. Consider it payback for…well, I don’t know what, but yeah, let me pay for it. I want to get something for John too.” you spot the cuff links in the case and lock on to them, “That’s what I’m getting John.”

“Cuff links?”

“Yeah,” you nod and look around the shop, “I know he always wears really nice ones, and I’m sure they cost a fortune, but I want to give him some.”

“You should have them engraved.” Tess suggests and waves over the sales associate. “It’d be super sweet.”

Tess knocks repeatedly on the room door, and Jimmy quickly opens it. “Sorry, I forgot my key.”

He laughs and leans down to kiss her, “That’s okay. Perfect timing though, John and I just got back.”

John and Jimmy had taken off pretty early this morning after you all had ordered some breakfast. He kept it a secret as to where he was bringing Jimmy, but he did tell you that he was planning on asking Jimmy to be his best man today. You're a little more than excited to hear how it went.

“What did you two get up to today?” you ask as you walk into the room.

“Golfing.” he looks down at his pants, and you notice they’re soaked from the ankles to his crotch. “I, uh, fell in the pond.”

“Of course you did.” Tess laughs, patting his chest. “Golfing? I’m surprised John went golfing.”

You shrug as Tess looks at you, “He’s…honestly surprising the shit out of me lately.”

The fucking club.

John comes out of the bathroom and smiles wide when he sees you, “Hi, baby.”

“Hi!” you reach up to kiss John and wrap your arms around each other, staying in each other’s embrace for a few moments.

John presses a kiss to the top of your head and squeezes you in his arms, “Did you have fun?”

“We did!” Tess says and opens her bags, “We bought so much stuff.”

John looks at you and smiles, “Did you?”

“I bought a few things.” you say and open your bag to show him the wind chime you got your mom. “I got Dan this weird figurine that’s like a giraffe wearing a chef’s hat. I don’t know, he’s weird so I thought he’d like it. I bought Finny James a cute little shirt that he can wear when he gets here.”

“But did you buy anything for yourself?” John asks and sits down next to you on the couch.

“Oh, she did.” Tess nods as she continues showing Jimmy her purchases.

He’s still in his wet pants, but he’s more than happy to stand there soaked while Tess shows him everything she bought. You watch them for a moment, and you can see how much Jimmy loves her just from the look he’s giving her. When her hair falls in her face, Jimmy quickly tucks it behind her ear and smiles as she continues talking.

“Hey,” John whispers and taps your leg, “Peach, show me what you got.”

“Oh, sorry.” you blush a little when you realize you were caught staring at Jimmy and Tess. You take a deep breathe and pull a black sparkly dress out of your bag. “I got this!”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I’m going to wear it tonight.” you say and stick out your tongue like a child, “Too bad you won’t get to see me in it.”

“I’m not leaving until you leave, so I will.” he laughs and stands back up, “I have a few things I need to do, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?”

“Just me?” you look over at Tess and Jimmy as she shows him a shirt that she got the baby. She holds it up against her belly, and Jimmy laughs as he presses a kiss to it.

“Well, if they want to come, they can, but yeah, I was hoping just you.” he says and reaches for your hand to lead you away from them, “I just need to go and do some stuff for tonight, and I would usually never do this, but I want to show you that I’m going to be fine.”

“Okay.” you nod, then lean up to kiss John, “Okay, yeah, I’ll go with you.”

“It’s just a few things, and I just want you with me.”

“You just want to show me off, don’t you?” you ask, and your cheeks burn from embarrassment when John nods his head. You bite your lip, then lean up to kiss him again. You look down at your shorts and laugh, “Don’t worry, I’m going to change and do my makeup.”

John shakes his head, leaning close to kiss you, “I think you look perfect just like this.”

“Yeah, no, not gonna work.” you laugh as you walk over to your clothes that you already laid out on the bed this morning, “I’m changing and doing my makeup.”

As you and John walk down the narrows street of Rome, you smile when you look over at him and see the look on his face: pure bliss. The streets are made of warm tones of uneven bricks, and you're glad that you decided at the last minute to wear sandals instead of heels. The sun is hanging high in the sky and it's scorching down on you and John, but it cools down once John leads you down an alley where the sun hasn't touched it yet.

“So,” John squeezes your hand a little and looks over at you, “If you're uncomfortable at any time, please, baby, please let me know.”

“I will.” you smile, looking over at him. “I won't be uncomfortable, but I'll let you know if I am at any point.”

John slows down and lets go of your hand, so you stop walking and watch as he pulls out his phone. He holds it up as you start to smile, and you quickly grow a little annoyed by his endless photo session.

“I'm sorry,” he laughs, stuffing his phone back in his pocket, “I just never thought I'd be here with someone, and I just need pictures to remember this moment for the rest of my life.”

Wrapping your arms around John's neck, you press a kiss to his lips as you backwards down the alley in his embrace, “I get it. I'm not annoyed, but maybe I want pictures of you.”

John lets go of you and gestures for you to pull out your phone. Dropping your purse to the ground, you pull your phone out and start to dramatically take pictures of John as he laughs. He reaches out and pulls you back to him, taking your phone from you so he can take a picture of the two of you kissing.

“I love you, John. I love you and your obsession with pictures.”

He shakes his head, “My obsession with you.”

“Oh, well, now you just sound like a stalker.” you tease, and John buries his face in the crook of your neck, making a loud chomping noise as your laugh echoes through the streets.

John leads you to an old bookshop and opens the door, letting you in first. It’s dark and dingy, and it reminds you a lot of your bookshop back home. It’s cluttered, and the walls are covered with glassed-in shelves full of books. You immediately gravitate towards the books that are in a messy pile and begin looking through them, unknowingly organizing them out of habit. Stacking them up on top of one another, dust wafts in the air and you cough a little.

“Must not be a very popular bookshop. It’s so dusty.” you say, waving the dust out of your face.

“Mr. Wick.” a man says, and you turn around to look at him. He reaches out to shake John’s hand, then he looks over at you, furrowing his brow and giving you a slightly dirty look.

John looks over at you and grabs your hand to pull you closer to him, “She’s with me.”

“Oh! My sincerest apologies.” he says, then he turns around to open a door hidden within the wall.

“Did I do something wrong?” you whisper, clinging to John’s side.

John looks down at you and laughs, “Not at all.”

The man stops at a room and turns on a light, and you see blueprints scattered around the room. He pulls out a large map, and John stands next to him as he points out exits, hallways, closets, and basements.

Shuffling in place, you lean over a little when you see blueprints of some catacombs. You lean over a little more to look at them, and you quickly look up to make sure the man helping John isn’t still giving you dirty looks.

You don’t know if you offended him when you said his shop must not be popular, or maybe you’re not even allowed to be in here. You hadn’t thought about that until now, and you start to worry a little that you’re in some sacred place only meant for people like John.

Obviously you’re not like most of the other people at the hotel, you know they’re all assassins, and you hope like hell that they don’t judge you for being there, or have some grudge about ‘normal’ people using the hotel. And yeah, of course you’re John Wick’s fiancee, but you’re still nervous that people won’t like you, or might feel resentment towards you.

John looks up at you and smiles, trying his best to silently reassure you, and he reaches into his pocket to pull out a few gold coins. He hands them to the man and shakes his hand, then walks over to you.

“Ready?”

“That’s it?” you ask and look at John.

“Yeah,” he laughs, “Now we go back to the hotel.”

John holds tight to your hand and you trail behind him with the man following closely behind. He gives you a genuine smile when you look at him again, then he reaches out to shake John’s hand again.

“Enjoy your time in Rome.” he says, smiling at you as you walk out the door.

You get back out on the street and look at John, “So, you take a five minute look at blueprints and you can remember where everything is?”

“No.” John points at a gelato stand and looks at you, “Want some?”

“Yes, I would love some, but seriously you just looked at it and now you know where to go?” you say and walk a little faster to catch up to John, “Remind me to never play memory games with you.”

John leans back against the bridge and looks at you as you stand in front of him, “You look so cute today. I love this dress.”

“Thank you.” you sway back and forth, watching your red polka dot dress swish around your thighs, “Feel so…touristy.”

“I think red is your color.” he taps you on your head and smiles, “And your cute little hat. You have my entire heart, Peach.”

You scoff and roll your eyes at John. He’s so cheesy, you honestly can’t believe it. It’s even more unbelievable when you remember everything he says, he genuinely means. He reaches out for your hand and presses a kiss to the back of it.

“So, what are your plans for tonight? Besides dinner.”

“Uh, I don’t know. I don’t know what kind of shenanigans we’ll get up to without you around. I can tell you that if Jimmy and Tess were dating, and we didn’t know you…we’d get into loads of trouble.”

“You think so?” he ask, laughing.

“Oh, absolutely.” you nod and laugh, “Tess is a terrible influence, we got into so much trouble when we were younger, I’ll tell you about some of that shit later, but seriously, she’s a terrible influence and adding Jimmy into the mix. Way worse.”

You play with your bracelet and look around at all the people walking past. There’s a family standing at the gelato stand in front of you and the little girl is staring at you. You smile and wave at her, and she squirms a little, growing embarrassed and she waves back at you. The smile fades from your face and you look down at your engagement ring as you sigh.

John can tell something is bothering you and he moves to stand in front of you, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just…” you shake your head and shrug, “Why did that guy give me such a dirty look? The guy at the book shop.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

You furrow your brow and look up at John, “You know that’s what people say when they’re breaking up with someone, right?”

He chuckles and kisses your forehead, “Yeah, I proposed, then brought you to Rome just to break up with you.”

“You thought I was going to reject you the night you proposed. After you proposed, after we told my family, after we had sex. After I literally said yes.”

John squints his eyes and laughs, “That’s different.”

You roll your eyes and laugh, “Okay.”

“I just don’t think some people were expecting to see me with someone.” he says, and you look up at him again. “Helen didn’t know about this and I was retired, so of course I wouldn’t have brought her here.”

“That’s true.” you nod.

“So, it had nothing to do with you, it was me.” John throws the rest of his gelato in the trash and cups your face, “I love you, and I am so proud to have you next to me. I’m…fucking proud to able to walk around with you on my arm.”

Walking next to John into the hotel is an exciting experience. You remember what it was like to walk with John in the New York Continental, and you honestly have missed the pride you feel when you see the way people look at you.

The way people look at John blows your mind. You know he has a reputation, you know he’s handsome, but you’re not around it when this stuff happens. The two of you live in a small town, you’re not used to seeing or getting this kind of attention, although there is a group of women who always drool over John whenever he visits you at work.

A woman walks past John and gives him a smile as she looks him up and down. She looks at you, giving you a wink when you look at her. She’s definitely hitting on both of you, and John squeezes your hand a little tighter.

John looks down at you and laughs, “What? Why are you smiling?”

“I just love the way people look at you.” you say, wrapping your arms around his bicep, “And knowing you’re all mine.”

“Yeah, did you see that woman? She winked at you.” he laughs and leans closer to your face, “Thought I was going to have to tell her off for a moment.”

You flaunt jokingly in front of John and brush your hair off your shoulder, “When you got it, you got it.”

“Yeah,” he grabs you by the waist and pulls you back to him, “But you’re mine.”

“Of course.” you smile at John and start to head for the elevator when he tugs your arm in the opposite direction. “Wait, I thought you were done?”

“No,” he shakes his head and nods toward the stairs, “Still gotta get my other stuff.”

“Oh, yeah,” you laugh and follow John, “I forgot.”

John leads you down the stairs, but stops before he gets to the door. He turns around and hugs you tight to his chest, “Listen, I really mean it--”

“I know, I know, I’ll tell you and we can leave.” you say and look up at him, “I’m going to be fine. Are you going to be okay with this? Because if you’re not, I can go back to the room. It really doesn’t bother me.”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“So, where are we going now?” you ask, hopping a little, “I’m excited.”

“Well, I need to get my suit still, but right now we’re going to see the Sommelier.”

“Isn’t that wine?” you look up at John and shake your head, “You need wine for work?”

“Not quite.” he laughs, then opens the door.

The walls are full of guns, and you swallow hard as your eyes scan every inch of the room. You’ve never even held a gun, so to be surrounded by them is…slightly terrifying. John keeps his in the safe, and you’re upstairs doing your own thing when he cleans them. He doesn’t sit around his guns and drool over them like some people might think. They’re just tools he uses for work, and when he isn’t working, he’s not really looking at them.

“Oh...”

John chuckles, looking down at you, “Yeah, so if you're uncomfortable...”

“I mean, I'm not like...comfortable, but I'm not uncomfortable. This is...a lot.” you nod as you look up at John, “But it's okay. I'm with you.”

John presses a kiss to the top of your head and leaves his lips there, “You're safe with me. Always.”

There’s a man standing with his back turned to you and you cling to John’s arm as he turns around, “Good afternoon, Mr. Wick.”

John reaches out to shake his hand and gestures to you, “She’s with me.”

“Obviously.” you say under your breath, and John looks down at you as he laughs.

The man reaches out for your hand and presses a small kiss to it. He notices your engagement ring and immediately starts to look it over, “This is very nice, Mr. Wick. Good choice.” he says, then smiles at you, “You have excellent taste.”

You don’t know if you means you or your ring, but you’re flattered either way. You start to blush and you scoot closer to John, almost like a child.

John points to the couch behind you and rubs your back, “Why don’t you go sit down? This won’t take long.”

You sit down and watch John as he points at guns on the wall, and he occasionally looks over his shoulder to check on you. Looking around the room, you take a deep breath and look over to see John watching you. He smiles and nods, silently asking if you’re okay.

“I’m fine.” you whisper, hoping he can hear you.

You don’t know anything about guns, but you know John is holding a rifle in his hands. He holds it up to check the scope, then he sets it down carefully and looks over at you. You give him a thumbs up and smile.

Did you just give him a thumbs up? Could you be any dorkier?

You pull out your phone to see a text from Tess: how’s it goin? when r u coming back? we’re bored.

You look up at John; now holding a handgun, and you hate how hot he looks. You find yourself biting your lip, and you shake your head as you look down to text Tess back: John is just picking up the last of his things, then we’ll be back. Shouldn’t be more than an hour.

“Delivered to your room, correct?” the man asks.

“Yes.” John nods and reaches for your hand. “Ready?”

“Why are you doing everything so fast? John, please don’t rush for my sake. Take your time. I need to know you’re going to be safe, and I need to know that you’re getting the right…guns, or whatever.” you look at John and exhale, “That was the weirdest sentence I’ve ever said.”

John laughs quietly and points at the table, “I have guns I always get, guns I can rely on. Trust me, it’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.”

You look over at the guns on the table, then back at John, “I’m starting to really hate this idea.”

The guns are sitting on the bed, and you and Tess are watching Jimmy as he pulls them out to look. He has just as much caution and respect as John does for the guns, but you can tell that he can’t help but get a little giddy. Sure, Jimmy is a cop, but you’re fairly certain he’s never actually fired his gun before. That cop who helps save cats from trees, walks old women across the street, and plays basketball with the kids in the neighborhood? That’s Jimmy.

“This one is wicked.” Jimmy says and holds up a shotgun. His eyes light up and he looks over at you and Tess, “Wick-ed.”

“Put that down.” Tess says, rolling her eyes.

You perk up in your seat a little as John opens the bathroom door a crack, and he peeks his head out and nods you over. You grab the cuff links that you had bought for John earlier this morning and hide them behind your back. When you get in the bathroom, John is already dried off and standing in his dress pants and white undershirt, and as discreetly as you can, you hide the box under a towel on the counter.

“Hey, Peach.” he says, leaning down to kiss you as he buttons up his dress shirt. “I love that dress.”

You turn around look at yourself in the mirror, “Yeah, I like this one better than the one from last night.”

“Hmm, I don’t. This one is still good, don’t get me wrong,” he leans back into kiss you and smiles, “But that one last night, you’ll have to wear again at home, so I can rip it off of you.”

You smile and reach out to help John with his tie, “So, earlier when Tess and I were shopping, I got something for everyone.”

“Yeah, you showed me.” he smiles, watching as you fix his tie.

“I didn’t show you everything.” you grab the box and hold it up in front of John, “I got something for you.”

“For me? You didn’t have to do that.”

You shrug and hand the box to John, “Eh, I had this in mind for a while now, but I saw them today and thought it would be perfect.”

John opens the box and a wide smile spreads across his face, “Cuff links?”

“Yeah,” you nod and lean closer to him, “I got them engraved too. 905.”

“905?” John looks up at you and smiles, “The day we met.”

You nod, “September 5th.”

“Wow, baby…” he immediately hugs you and kisses your cheek, “These are so nice.”

“You like them?” you ask, taking them out of the box to help John put them on.

“I love them, and they’re from you, so they mean even more to me.” he says and cups your face, “Thank you so much.”

“It’s like I’m still with you tonight, even though I’m not.”

“Oh, you’re always with me.” he says, putting his hand over his heart, and you jokingly gag at how cheesy he is.

You turn around to brush your hair, and you let out a small sigh as John fixes his tie. The knot in your stomach tightens, and you swallow hard to keep yourself from vomiting all over the counter top. You consider it for a minute since you know it’ll keep John here longer, and he might even chose you over the job. It’s not a matter of John choosing a job over you, and you know that. But the feeling in your stomach is telling you that this isn’t going to end well. John’s hands are firm on your waist, and he buries his face in your hair, then he looks up at you when you sniffle.

“Don’t go.” you say softly.

“I have to. I already told them I would do this, and I can’t just call them and tell them I’m not going to do it. It’ll make me look bad.”

“Since when do you care about what they think of you? You’re John Wick, that’s all I’ve heard for months now. ‘John Wick. He’s John Wick, he’s a God, he’s a legend’.” you close your eyes and shake your head. You’re being too harsh. “I’m sorry.”

“I have to do this.” he holds your gaze through the mirror, then he presses a small kiss to your cheek.

You frown and lean back in John’s arms, “I know, but I have a really bad feeling about it.”

“You only have a bad feeling because you’re here with me. If I was here and you were at home, you wouldn’t be so worried. I’m going to be fine. You’re going to go out with Jimmy and Tess, and you’re going to have so much fun. By the time you get home, I’ll already be back here.”

“Then why can’t we just wait for you?”

“Because I made reservations for you at this really nice restaurant, and it’s nearly impossible to get a spot there.” he says and hugs you tighter, “Peach, I promise you won’t even know I’ve been gone. It’ll go by so fast because you’re having so much fun.”

You look down at your hands and you start to pick at your nails, avoiding John’s gaze as you start to cry harder. John turns you around to face him and he brushes your hair out of your face.

“Hey,” he pulls your chin up to meet his gaze, “When have I ever not come back?”

“Don’t say that.” you say and look down again.

“I thought you said this is what you wanted me to do?” he says as he drops his arms to his side, and you look at him in shock when you realize how upset he’s getting.

“I thought it was.” you wipe the tears off your cheek and frown, “I wanted you to take a job here, but don’t get mad at me because I’m worried about you. God forbid someone is actually looking out for you for once in your life.”

John takes a step back and raises his eyebrows, “Don’t do this.”

You turn to leave the bathroom, but John’s hand is on the door, holding it shut. “I have to leave, I have reservations.”

“Don’t do this.” he says, a little more firm this time. You turn back around to look at John, and you both struggle to maintain eye contact. “Please.”

You whimper a little and put your hand over your mouth to keep yourself from sobbing obnoxiously. You’re still looking at the floor and John takes a step closer to you.

“Look at me, baby.” he says and reaches for your hands as you look up at him, “Listen, quick in and out.”

“Okay.” you nod as tears fall down your cheeks again, and John grabs some tissue to wipe away the tears. He’s trying so hard not to ruin your makeup and you melt a little inside. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” he asks and lifts you onto the counter, “Don’t be sorry.”

“No, I need to stop being so wishy-washy with you. I always am.” you whisper and pull John closer to you. You look up at John, and you can see the concern growing on his face.

“You’re not.”

“I am,” you nod your head, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I did it with the whole baby thing, and now I’m doing it again. I told you to take a job here, but now that I’m here and it’s actually happening, I’m regretting it.”

“But that’s understandable, that’s not wishy-washy.” he says, smiling, “And the whole baby thing, that was a touchy subject for you with your dad. And again, it was understandable. Don’t apologize for having feelings, baby. And don’t apologize for telling me how you feel.”

“Okay.” you look up at John and give him a small smile, “I still want babies, by the way. I’m never changing my mind on that.”

“Good.” he says, pulling you closer to kiss him. John’s hand moves up your back and he clings to you, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For getting upset with you.” he whispers and leans back to see your face, “You have every right to be worried about me. I'm just not used to having someone look out for me, but I’m glad I have you to do it.”

John’s hair is hanging in his face, wet and uncombed, so you run your fingers through it, slicking it back as he closes his eyes. He opens his eyes again to look at you, then he puckers his lips to kiss you tenderly.

“I love you.” you whisper as you lean up to kiss him, “I’m just being a paranoid fiancee.”

“And I love that.” he helps you off the counter and looks at your heels, “You gonna be able to walk in those without me?”

“Yes,” you scoff and open the bathroom door, “Obviously.”

John has finished getting ready, and you’re absolutely melting at the sight of him in his ‘work’ uniform. He’s wearing a nice black suit with a white shirt, and he has his hair slicked back out of his face. You’re sure it won’t stay that way all night though.

Tess sits on the couch next to you and nudges you as John looks over his guns, “Pretty hot.”

You look at Tess and let out a laugh, “You got a gun kink I never knew about?”

Tess looks at John as he packs his bags, and she shrugs, “Not really. I think it’s just John that’s hot. Do you? Does John?”

You laugh a little louder, which causes John to look over his shoulder at you and he smiles tenderly. You look at Tess and shake your head, “What do you think?”

Tess looks at John, then at you, then back at John again and shakes her head, “Definitely not. He’s a softy, I just know it. And he’s old, he can’t even walk up the stairs without groaning.”

“I can hear you.” John says with his back turned, and you laugh a little louder again.

Jimmy pats John on the shoulder and smiles, “Good luck, man.”

“Thanks.” he reaches to shake Jimmy’s hand, then pulls him closer. He whispers something to Jimmy, but of course you can’t hear it.

“Of course I will.” Jimmy nods.

John puts one bag over his shoulder and grabs the other from the floor. He looks over at you again and smiles, “I’m gonna head out.”

You walk John to the door and he puts his bags down to hug you. The two of you stand in each other’s arms for a moment, then you lean back to look at him. You feel yourself tearing up again, so you look away from John to stop yourself even though it’s pretty impossible.

“I’ll see you in a little bit and you can tell me all about your night.” he says, moving your hair out of your face, “I can’t wait to hear about it, and to hear about the dumb shit Jimmy does to try and make you laugh.”

“Yeah,” you nod and look up at John with tears in your eyes, “I’ll see you later tonight.”

John wipes the tear off your cheek with his thumb and sighs, “You’re making this really hard for me.”

You start to cry harder and bury your face in his chest, “I’m sorry.”

John tilts your head back and kisses you several times, keeping his lips pressed to yours for a moment, “I love you so much, and I’m going to be back before you know it.”

“I love you.” you wrap your arms around his neck, and John slides his hands down and squeezes your ass. “Really?”

“For good luck.” he says, hoping to make you laugh.

You move his hands back to your ass and smile, “For extra good luck.”

“One more kiss.” John says, puckering his lips. He kisses you, then bends down to grab his bags but stands back up, “One more.” he kisses you then smiles again as he leans closer, “Okay, another one.”

You shove John off a little and laugh, “You better go.”

“Can you be wearing this dress when I get back? I haven’t had time to fully appreciate it.”

“Yeah, I can be wearing it.” you say and lean against the door, “Or…I could not be wearing it. Whatever you prefer.”

“I think I like the second option best.” he says, grabbing his bags from the ground. He leans in to kiss you again and smiles, “I love you, baby.”

“I love you.” you murmur softly, watching John walk down the hallway. He turns around in the elevator, and the two of you wave at each other as the door closes. “Please be safe.”

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#john wick imagine #john wick x you #john wick x reader #Fic: Hold My Hand #shorter than usual but the next chapter is pretty long so there's that

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phantasticworks · 5 years ago

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If You Don’t Love Me, Pretend - Chapter Five

An early update for once? Perhaps. Thank you everyone for reading and for all the lovely comments I’ve seen, I appreciate it a lot!

read on ao3

Words: 12.6k

Summary: Dan and Phil face more difficulties in their personal life while they wait for a decision to be made on their foster parent status.

Warnings for this chapter: swearing, mentions of alcohol and sickness

The next morning is arguably a bit better than the night before, in some ways. In several other ways, however, it’s worse.

In the light of day, it’s easy to forget any of the conversations they’d had the night before that may or may not have left Dan feeling guilty and sad, but one thing that’s not easy to forget is the headache he’s got. He expected it, naturally, but he had been half-hoping that the paracetamol from the night before would have had a bit more effect on his head, rather than just relieving his nausea of the night before. He groans at the light coming in the window, rolling over and throwing an arm over his eyes. As he does this, he realizes that he’s got a fair bit of space on the bed, which he’s a little surprised by.

Sure enough, when he sits up and glances around, the bed is empty besides himself, which he frowns upon realizing. It’s not like he fully expected Phil to stay with him the whole morning, but, well… he’d hoped.

Just as he goes to crawl out of the bed and into the bathroom, Phil steps into the room, his eyebrows shooting up when he looks at Dan. “Oh, good, you’re up.” He smiles, and Dan shifts, wondering if he’s in a good mood or just pretending to keep things from being awkward.

“Yeah,” Dan croaks, cringing when he hears his voice.

Phil nods to the water on the nightstand, leaning against the wall beside the big mirror he hates cleaning. “I brought that in here about an hour ago, but you were dead to the world.” His lips quirk up as he says this, and Dan can’t help but mirror his small smile as he takes a sip of the water, now room temperature.

“Thanks,” he says appreciatively, balancing the cup on his knee. “How long have you been up?”

Shrugging, Phil moves to come sit beside him, his eyes watching the cup warily. Dan rolls his eyes and brings his other hand up to clutch the cup, mainly to calm Phil’s nerves about the precariousness of it. “I’ve been up since nine, and it’s almost twelve now, so… that long.” Phil shrugs before he brings his hand up to Dan’s forehead. “How’re you feeling?” He asks, his blue eyes searching Dan’s face for any sign of discomfort.

Dan subtly presses forward, pressing his forehead harder against Phil’s hand, mainly because it relieves a bit of the tension. “My head hurts,” he says simply.

At this, Phil snorts, dropping his hand. “I’m sure it does, mate. You drank a lot.” His eyes drop then, staring down at the glass rather than at Dan’s face. Dan can imagine what he’s thinking, but he’s already decided not to share the truth behind the way he’d acted the night before. He did, however, come up with a semi-convincing half-truth.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, moving his hand to poke Phil’s thigh. He smiles when Phil rolls his eyes at the childish gesture. “I… I guess just having your family here sort of overwhelmed me, and I got to thinking about it and how they probably think this is crazy, and I guess I just feel like you’re going to change your mind,” he admits, staring down at his hands wrapped around the glass of water. He’s surprised at how easy it comes to him, but then he realizes he’s really not lying. Sure, it wasn’t unfounded fear, but beneath the anger of hearing Martyn trying to dissuade Phil from doing this with him, Dan truly did believe that the main reason he’d acted that way was because it made him afraid that Phil would change his mind.

“Dan,” Phil says quietly, causing Dan to look up. He gives him a soft smile, knocking his knee against Dan’s gently. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you. I told you I would do this, I’m going to do it. You know I don’t back out of things once I’ve made up my mind.”

His words do ease some of Dan’s anxiety about it, but he’s still concerned about what would happen if Phil regretted it or decided at some point he didn’t want to do it anymore. Honestly, it would be better for him to just admit it now, even if Dan didn’t want it to happen, because it would be much harder if they’d already started fostering when he comes to the conclusion that Dan fears he might. Still, Dan desperately didn’t want that to happen at all, so he really hopes that somehow it won’t.

Rather than sit and dwell on this on a perfectly good Saturday morning, Dan nods, smiling weakly at Phil. “Okay.”

Phil smiles before moving to stand up. “Think you can get up or do you just wanna have a lazy day today?” He asks, reaching for Dan’s almost empty cup, likely to refill it.

“I think I’m going to take a shower and see how I feel after that,” Dan replies, handing him the cup and sliding off the bed. “Did you want to do anything today or is it okay if we just hang out here?” He rifles through his side of their closet as he speaks, glancing over his shoulder when Phil doesn’t immediately answer. It’s only then that he realizes he’s very much underdressed, in only a pair of boxers for once, not even a t-shirt thrown over it. He blushes as he feels Phil’s gaze on him, stuttering out an apology as he shuffles to the bathroom, not even waiting for a response as he goes to take a shower.

Slightly mortified at the fact that just happened but not fully understanding why, Dan starts the water in the shower, waiting for it to get nice and warm while he brushes his teeth. A moment later, he pulls his boxers off, tossing them off to the side somewhere and stepping into the shower, pulling the frosted glass door close behind him. He was so grateful that the en-suite bathroom had such a huge shower, and he was even more grateful for the nice clouded glass.

He's reminded just how thankful he is for this type of glass when the door to the bathroom swings open a minute later, nearly making him jump. Luckily the glass is pre-made to be hard to see through and the steam from the hot water had managed to make it even more so.

“I brought you some more water and paracetamol, Dan.” Phil’s voice carries from the door, and Dan can just make out the vague outline of him through the glass. “I’m gonna pop down to the shop, do you need anything?”

Dan thinks for a moment as he lets the water run over his hair, considering Phil’s offer. “Lemonade would be nice,” he calls back softly, incredibly aware of the fact that the only thing keeping Phil from seeing his naked body is a layer of glass. He can’t explain the slight spike in his heart rate at the thought, although he chooses to blame it on nerves.

“Okay,” Phil laughs quietly. “I’ll be back in a bit, call if you need anything.”

The door closes behind him softly, and only then does Dan relax, closing his eyes as he tries to get his thoughts on literally anything other than the fact that his best friend was so close to seeing him so… exposed, for lack of a better word. Sure, they’d known each other for ten years and had lived together for a good portion of that, and there’d been that time, nearly a decade ago when they’d met… but Dan refuses to remember that, so he goes right back to thinking about how much his head hurts instead. Anything to keep his thoughts away from… that.

He showers quickly, although he does want to take advantage of the vacant flat and relieve some stress, he’s just not feeling up to it. His head is hurting and he’s just not feeling well enough to even enjoy a proper wank, so he doesn’t bother. Instead he showers as quickly as he can, skipping conditioner in favor of getting out and back into bed sooner.

He changes into the sweats and t-shirt he’d brought in, taking the paracetamol Phil had left for him and hoping he can stomach some crackers or something to avoid getting sick. He’s surprised only slightly to find that Phil has also left him some toast on his nightstand, and while it’s probably not as warm as it would’ve been if he’d eaten it when it was made, the gesture behind it makes him tear up a little bit. He blames this on his hangover, shoving whatever pathetic emotion that is down while he goes to eat his toast.

After he’s finished and laying on his side, his eyes closed as he tries to encourage sleep, he listens carefully for any indication that Phil has returned. He hates himself a little for it, but he desperately misses his best friend, and he feels that with everything that’s happened he hasn’t really had any time with just Phil lately. He can’t explain it really, but he misses how things were before everything became such a complicated charade.

At some point between laying down and going down this spiral of thoughts, Dan must fall asleep, because the next thing he knows, he’s being woken up by the feeling of a blanket being pulled over him. “Phi-?” He mumbles, his voice coming out garbled with sleep.

“Hey. It’s just me. Go back to sleep.” Phil’s voice is quiet and soothing, and Dan sighs in relief, catching the older man’s hand as he pulls the blanket up and over Dan’s shoulders.

“Missed you,” Dan sighs, squeezing Phil’s hand once before letting go. He’s exhausted and doesn’t want to open his eyes, but just knowing that Phil is there makes him feel at ease. “Sorry I’ve been such a shit friend lately.” The words tumble out of his mouth without his permission, but they’re true and need to be said, honestly.

“Dan...” Phil sighs, sounding tired. “You need to quit apologizing. Everything is fine. Just get some rest, okay?” Dan feels his hand come up to brush against his forehead, and Dan nearly shivers at the contact.

“M’kay.” He feels the bed shift again, probably indicating that Phil is leaving, and Dan reaches out to tug on his T-shirt. “Stay here?” He pleads. He was whiny when he was ill, but he felt less guilty about it since he was also half asleep.

A sigh escapes Phil’s mouth, but Dan feels him shift to lay down. “Just for a few minutes, then I’ve gotta go do some things. Okay?”

Dan only hums in reply, already too gone in unconsciousness to respond.

~~~

The rest of the day is slow, even by their standards. Dan wakes at one point to find Phil asleep next to him, and from the looks of things, he’d never left to go do some things after all. The thought makes Dan smile, and he tries his best to be subtle as he studies Phil as he sleeps. He’s vaguely aware of how creepy this is, but he brushes the thought away. They share a bed, and he’d just woken up to find Phil asleep not six inches away; of course he was going to look at him, he was bored, and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. At least, that’s what he tells himself to justify it as his eyes study the shape of Phil’s lips and the lines around his eyes.

When Phil eventually wakes, Dan has the common sense to act like he’d only been awake a few minutes rather than the half hour he’d probably truthfully been up. Luckily, Phil buys this easily, more concerned with how Dan is feeling.

“I’m better. The nap helped,” he admits, sitting up and stretching. He smirks at the face Phil pulls upon hearing his back pop, and just to be a pest, he does the same motion again.

“Stop that!” Phil complains, shoving him. “It’s disgusting.”

Dan shrugs before climbing out of bed and grabbing his phone. “Wanna go watch Riverdale with me?”

Phil sighs dramatically but nods. “Yeah. We should order something. How does Chinese sound?”

“Sure,” Dan agrees easily, leading the way to the upstairs lounge. They had the one downstairs, but their TV was upstairs, which sometimes, he admitted, was a little annoying.

Their day is completely unproductive in every sense of the word, but Dan feels more relaxed than he has in a while. They don’t talk much, only to make fun of the characters on the show they’re watching. They certainly don’t talk about what had happened the night before, which Dan is honestly grateful for. Instead they spend the rest of Saturday and most of the day Sunday just hanging out and watching various shows and movies on Netflix. At some point Phil makes them go grocery shopping, but other than that, they stay completely unproductive.

By Monday, Dan feels well rested and ready for another week of school counseling and after-school foster carer training sessions. He’s standing in their bedroom buttoning the buttons on the solid black shirt he’s picked out for today when Phil walks in, his eyes raking over Dan as he walks over to their bed. Dan quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t comment on this, considering Phil was probably just amused at the fact that he was in all black, yet again.

Proving his thought correct, Phil nods to the closet as he climbs onto the bed and leans back against the headboard. “You have shirts that aren’t black, you know. And so do I.” His eyebrow is raised as a smile twitches at his lips, clearly challenging.

Dan shrugs, fixing the cuff on his sleeve. “Yeah, and? This one looks good.” He goes to put on his shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed beside Phil’s feet as he pulls them on.

Phil’s foot comes up to prod at his hip gently, and Dan smiles a little down at his shoes that he’s pulling on. “I didn’t say it didn’t,” Phil replies quietly. He’s watching Dan with an odd look on his face, and when Dan sits up to meet his gaze he feels a little self-conscious.

“Yeah?” he teases, dropping his hand to Phil’s foot and tracing the stars on the sock he’s wearing.

“Of course. We both know you look good in black,” Phil shrugs as if it’s obvious, and Dan feels a weird tug in his chest at the half-compliment. “It’s just like staring into a black hole when I look at you.” Phil grins as he says this, clearly finding himself very funny.

Rolling his eyes, Dan squeezes Phil’s foot before standing up. “You’re hilarious.” He grabs his phone from the end of the bed before lightly tapping Phil’s thigh with it. “Do you want to come have lunch with me today?” He’s not sure why he’s feeling so clingy all of a sudden, but he really does want them to have lunch together, since they haven’t done it in a while during the work week. It wasn’t uncommon for them to do it, but lately things have been so busy with either Phil’s job or his own, and they hadn’t been able to since before the whole fostering thing happened.

Phil nods, moving his foot to press his toes against Dan’s leg, as he’s standing so close to the bed. “Sure. Do you want me to pick something up on my way?”

“Yeah, that’ll work. Indian?” He’s hopeful as he says this, as he’s been craving Indian food lately.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want. See you at twelve?” Phil tilts his head and he looks so adorable sitting there looking up at him, Dan just wants to lean down and kiss him. Obviously, that would be completely weird, so he doesn’t do it.

Instead, he pokes the arch of Phil’s foot, making him jerk it away immediately. Dan only smiles and does it again, causing Phil to squeal and tuck his feet under the duvet. “See you later, dear. Don’t forget to stop for Indian food or I’ll break your hands,” Dan tosses the words over his shoulder as he walks out of their room, cursing himself for the term of endearment almost as soon as it’s left his mouth.

Phil doesn’t even seem to notice it, thankfully. “Be safe driving and wear your seatbelt, Daniel!” He calls back, making Dan smirk before muttering an agreement.

He drives to the school carefully, just as he’d promised, his seatbelt nice and snug across his chest. He’s only a little distracted this morning, mainly just replaying their conversation from earlier, his mind almost unable to wrap around the simple domesticity of it all. It had always been like that, he was sure, but lately it just seemed… sort of amplified, in a way he couldn’t really grasp entirely. Sure, a few aspects of their friendship had changed in some ways, but not in ways that should make Dan feel like he does now. He feels… content, actually. Content in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while.

Dan clears his head quickly when he gets to the school, trying to force himself into his work persona. He had things to do today, mainly things that involved schedules and some administrative work he didn’t want to bother with, but those were the perks of working in the education system, he supposed.

He’s barely even settled into his chair in his office when there’s a knock, the door opening before he can even respond. He isn’t too surprised to see Louise standing there, a smile on her face. “Sure, Lou, come on in, I’m not busy or anything.” He rolls his eyes fondly as he waves her in, knowing that she won’t be the slightest bit offended by his sarcasm.

“You’ve just gotten here, Daniel, we both know you aren’t fussed with work yet,” Louise laughs as she comes in, settling herself in one of the chairs across from him.

When she doesn’t immediately offer an explanation for her presence, Dan raises an eyebrow at her in question. “Can I help you?” he asks, trying not to laugh at the look of offense on her face.

“What a way to make a girl welcome!” She giggles along with him, clearly not truly bothered by his attitude.

Dan rolls his eyes before leaning on the desk, smiling at her. “Right, where are my manners?” She starts to answer, and he shoots her a look. “How are you, Louise? It’s so good to see you. Would you like some tea? What do you want?” He counts each question off on his fingers before smirking at her. “That cover everything?”

Louise rolls her eyes at him, giving him an unimpressed look. “Honestly, Dan, can’t I just come by and visit my favorite counselor?” Her voice is sweet, and he’s immediately suspicious.

“No,” he answers immediately, shaking his head. “I think you’re up to something.”

She looks guilty, and he knows he’s right. “Alright, fine, I did have a question, or more of a request.” She bats her eyes at him as if it’s going to soften the blow for whatever horrible thing she’s about to say, and he just waves her on to get it out. “Well, you’re obviously very busy these days with wedding planning and what have you.” Dan’s proud of himself for containing his confusion for a second before he realizes what she’s referencing. Then he’s stiffening in nervousness, worried about whatever is about to come out of her mouth.

“Yeah…” He drags the word out, looking at her with narrowed eyes. “And you’re mentioning this because?”

Louise smiles and sets her hands on the desk, looking like she’s about to try and sell him a membership to some sort of exclusive company. “Well, obviously I’ve met Phil before, but not as your fiancé,” she starts, and Dan’s stomach twists. He’s afraid he knows where this is going, and he’s not sure he likes it. “So, I think you should have him join us for lunch!” She beams, as if this is the best idea she’s ever had.

Dan raises an eyebrow at this, propping his chin up on his hand. “Is that so?” He asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The blonde rolls her eyes, her smile dropping in favor of a pout. “Please, Dan! I know he comes to lunch sometimes, but I just want to know more about your relationship, and I feel like what better way to do that than having you both here for lunch?”

Her request actually makes sense, and he almost hates it that much more because of this. And it wouldn’t be the worst thing if she joined them for lunch, he supposed, since the more people knew, the more believable their little charade would be.

He sighs dramatically, sitting back in his seat and tossing his hands up in defeat. “You’re in luck this time,” he drawls, rolling his eyes as he pulls his phone out. “Phil was coming for lunch today anyway.”

Louise claps her hands excitedly, a huge smile on her face. “Yes! This’ll be so much fun, Dan.”

The brunette snorts at the idea that this is going to be a fun experience but chooses not to comment on that. “I need to ask him if it’s okay for you to join us though, because when we made plans this morning it was just going to be the two of us.” He shoots her a look as if this is an inconvenience for him, which he supposed it wasn’t really. He was just being a little reluctant because he wasn’t positive they could pull off the whole relationship thing to someone who thought it was actually real. Even though they’d pulled it off with Hazel, he wasn’t sure they could really convince someone who already knew them, but he guessed they were going to find out.

“Oh, hush. You get enough of him at home, share the man a little.” She winks as she says this, and Dan’s cheeks flush at the implications behind her words.

He rolls his eyes at her as he dials Phil’s number, glad that he knows that Phil won’t have left for work yet and should be close to his phone. It takes him a moment to answer, and when he does he sounds a little breathless. “Yes?”

Dan frowns, glancing at the phone for a moment before bringing it back up to his ear. “Are you okay? You sound strange.”

Phil clears his throat, and Dan thinks he almost sounds… embarrassed? No, maybe not embarrassed. Perhaps a little guilty. Dan hopes he hasn’t broken anything but knowing him there was honestly no telling. “I’m fine.” His voice does sound a little more normal, so Dan just assumes his phone was in a separate room and he’d had to rush to get it before it stopped ringing. That explains the shortness of breath when he’d answered, at least.

“Alright… I have a question.” Louise smiles sweetly at him from across his desk, and he rolls his eyes. “Do you mind if Louise joins us for lunch today? She insists on fleshing out every detail of our romance, preferably over lunch for some reason.” Louise shakes her head at this with a huff, but Dan only smirks.

He hears a laugh from the other end of the line, and Dan smiles since Phil hadn’t gotten annoyed at the suggestion. “That’s fine with me, Dan. Just text me what she wants from the Indian place and I’ll bring everything over around twelve.”

Dan nods, glancing over at Louise and giving her a nod, to which she claps quietly, a look of excitement on her face. “Alright.” Hyper-aware of Louise’s presence, he averts his eyes to his screen, slightly uncomfortable with the pressure of acting like a couple, even when his supposed other half wasn’t even present. “See you then, babe. Be safe.”

Phil giggles, likely at the pet name, and Dan vows to kick him for making it even more embarrassing as soon as Phil gets here. “Bye, Dan. Oh, I mean, bye babe.”

He tries very hard not to blush at the term, because it sounds very different coming from Phil’s lips, and Dan hates it. He hangs up without any further comment, well aware that calling Phil out about it with the audience he has will only end in an awkward explanation.

“There. Happy?” He says snidely, crossing his arms childishly as Louise stands, nodding happily.

“Very. See you at lunch, Dan!” She trills as she steps out of his office.

Before the door closes, he calls out, “Text me what you want for lunch, we’re having Indian takeaway!”

She responds with an affirmative and shuts the door. As soon as he hears the click, he drops his head to his desk, feeling as if he’s went and gotten himself into a proper mess.

~~~

When twelve finally rolls around, Dan is filtering through a stack of paperwork on his desk for students who would be taking their GCSEs at the end of the year, double checking that each of them was scheduled in a testing area and had an assigned date for their exams. He’s so focused on his work that he doesn’t notice the door swing open, until he hears a voice.

“Whatcha doing?” Dan glances up at the sound of Louise’s voice, finding her smiling as she bustles in with a bottle of Diet Coke.

He smiles at her, gesturing to the papers. “Working on GCSE scheduling,” he glances over at his phone, checking the time. “Phil should be here in a few minutes, I reckon.”

Louise nods, sitting in one of the chairs across from him. “How’s the scheduling coming along?” She asks, leaning over the table to look at the paper he’s been writing on.

He moves it so she can see it too, running his pen along a column. “It’s fine, but I actually had a question about this. I know this is just the first draft that you guys had sorted, but would it not make more sense to move the few year tens that are taking it to an earlier period? There’s a few that have some of their electives during that time, and I don’t think they should miss them.”

The blonde slips into professional mode seamlessly, her eyebrows furrowing as she scans the paper. “Hm… I’m not sure, Dan, because if we do that, we’ll need to move-“

The door opens then, interrupting her sentence. They both glance up and a smile graces Dan’s lips easily at the sight of his best friend. Phil shoots them a sheepish look after realizing they’re talking about something. “Sorry, should’ve knocked.” He glances over at Dan, an embarrassed smile tugging at his lips as he walks over to Dan’s side of the desk, setting the food down.

“You’re fine, love, you don’t have to knock.” Dan smiles, not even realizing he’d used the endearment until it’d already slipped out. He doesn’t even consider feeling embarrassed about it though, not after the smile that graces Phil’s face.

“Hi, Louise,” Phil smiles and nods to the blonde before surprising Dan as he leans closer to him, bracing one hand on the desk as he presses his lips to Dan’s cheek softly. The younger man tries very hard to fight the annoying fluttery feeling in his chest at the contact, since he knows it’s only for show because Louise is there. It’s brief, but he can still feel the warmth of his lips even after he pulls away. “Sorry I’m a bit late, but the food is fresh and warm, that’s for sure.”

Louise has such a pleased smile on her face as she looks between them, Dan very nearly rolls his eyes. “You’re perfectly fine, Phil. Sit, sit, I haven’t seen you in so long, we have loads to talk about.” She pats the seat beside her and Dan sends her a pleading look, mentally begging her not to make this weird or uncomfortable. He had a sneaking suspicion she was going to get way too personal and he would much rather avoid that.

“You’re right, it has been a while! We’ve just been so busy with the fostering and everything, it’s-“ Phil stops almost immediately, his eyes widening as he shoots Dan a panicked look.

There’s a silence in the room where Dan contemplates jumping out the window to avoid Louise’s reaction, but then Phil would be on his own with her, and he couldn’t do that to him. So instead of that, he just sighs, sending Phil a smile that says It’s fine, before glancing over at Louise. She looks a mix of confused, excited, and angry, and he knows she’s feeling left out of the loop.

“Before you ask, Lou,” Dan starts, holding his hands up when the blonde looks at him. “I wasn’t hiding it or trying to be sneaky. I just didn’t want to tell anyone until we got further along in the process.” He glances over at Phil, who looks guilty. He sends him a reassuring smile, hoping that that’s enough for now.

“I… I’m just surprised, is all,” Louise admits finally.

Dan shifts in his chair, unsure of how he’s meant to take that. “Is that, like… an insult?” He asks tentatively, sharing a look with Phil.

“No, no, definitely not!” Louise rushes to say, holding her hands up as if to wave away the accusation. “I just… I’m surprised that you two are doing something so big so soon, before you’ve even married.” She doesn’t sound judgmental in the slightest, but still Dan feels a pang of hurt in his chest and looks down, chewing his lip anxiously.

Phil, always in tune with Dan’s every thought and emotion, speaks up then. “Well, we’ve been together ten years… does it matter that we aren’t married yet?” Dan’s eyes flit up to meet his, almost in panic, but Phil is just studying him carefully with a small smile on his lips. “I mean, marriage is essentially just a piece of paper, right?” He turns to look at Louise now, and Dan’s a little nervous for the direction this conversation seems to be taking. To distract himself, he begins pulling out the containers of food and sorting them out to who they belong to.

“Well, I mean, in some ways, yeah,” Louise says slowly, apparently not following exactly what Phil is saying. Dan’s heard the speech, or a variation of it, a million times, so he’s pretty sure he knows where it’s going. Phil was against marriage, denying that it held any real value. Dan didn’t disagree exactly, but… he wasn’t so sure he wanted to relive this conversation in front of his coworker and good friend, especially since they were still trying to keep up the appearances of an engaged couple.

Phil shifts in his seat, glancing over at Dan as he does, their gaze catching for only a moment before Dan looks down again. He didn’t want to look at him while he heard Phil tear apart the concept of marriage, he just couldn’t do it, not with the circumstances. He braces himself for what he knows is coming, because he definitely can’t just tell him to stop talking, not since he’s gotten this far.

Instead, Dan is surprised when he hears Phil say something else entirely.

“Well, think about it. Marriage is symbolic. It’s not going to make me love him more. I won’t wake up the morning after the wedding thinking, “wow, I love this human more than I did before. That’s ridiculous.” Phil shakes his head. Meanwhile, Dan is trying desperately not to show his inner turmoil over hearing Phil say that four letter word with such ease, in association with him. Sure, they’d said it to each other over the years; they were best friends, of course they loved each other, but it had been a while since it had been expressed so bluntly. The fact that the context was different in this situation also didn’t do his clenching heart any favors.

Louise seems dumbstruck, and Dan meets her gaze with an embarrassed sort of smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever considered it like that. That’s… quite a good point, actually.” She seems to have a strange sort of moment then, where she just sits back and looks over at Dan, an odd look on her face. Dan hands them each their food, hoping the conversation will change course now, but of course Louise has to go and say something else. “What made you decide to do it, if you think it’s just symbolic? What changed your mind?”

Phil glances up at her, a conflicted look on his face before he looks over at Dan. Dan’s stomach churns at the fond smile on Phil’s face when their gazes meet, unable to help himself from mirroring the expression. “Dan did.” His eyes are light and if Dan didn’t know any better, he would say that he was being absolutely honest, rather than lying through his teeth like Dan knew he was for the sake of keeping up their appearances.

Only able to handle so much cheesiness at once, Dan rolls his eyes, fondly. “That’s enough of that for today, I think.” It’s nearly impossible for him to will his blush away, but he thinks he manages it well enough. “How’s work been today?” He directs this question to Phil.

His blue eyes light up, and Dan has to repress a smile at how cute he looks so excited about his job. “It’s actually been great. I think we’ve got a few guests lined up for the new game segment we’re trying out for the next couple weeks. I’m really hoping that’s a success, since we’ve got Nick Jonas and Demi Lovato coming on to play in about two weeks. Oh, and we’ve been planning more for the project we’re working on this weekend.” Phil glances at Louise then, a sheepish look on his face as he seems to realize that he’s only speaking to Dan, not really explaining the things he’s doing in detail since Dan already knows so much about it. “Sorry, I get a little carried away about the radio show. If someone doesn’t stop me, I’ll talk for hours.”

Dan rolls his eyes, nodding. “I can attest to this.” Phil pouts at him, but then Dan finally processes something Phil had said. “Wait, this weekend? What’s this weekend?” His eyebrows knit together as he thinks back to their calendar, trying to remember if Phil had a trip coming up. He thought it wasn’t another two weeks until he was meant to have a work trip, so this must be something else.

Phi shoots him a curious look. “We’re filming that mini documentary this weekend. In Ireland,” he adds, as if that’ll help jog Dan’s memory. “Did you forget about that?” He doesn’t sound upset or annoyed, just curious, and Dan ducks his head and shrugs.

He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s a little sad that Phil wouldn’t be home, as he hadn’t prepared to be alone for an entire weekend. He’s vaguely aware of how pathetic that sounds, even in his own head, but he felt that he’d grown sort of reliant on the constant company, and it would just be strange to be alone for that long after so long of sharing their space all the time. He shrugs in response to Phil’s question, stabbing a piece of chicken with his fork. “No, I guess not.”

Louise pipes up then, a look of glee on her face. “Aww, poor thing, you’ll miss him, won’t you?” She says this so sweetly, and Dan can tell she’s just eating up this opportunity to tease him about his relationship. If only she knew the truth.

He rolls his eyes at her. “Obviously I’ll miss him, Lou.” He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of such a question. Even if they weren’t pretending to be in a relationship he’d miss him; Phil was his best friend.

“Dan’s clingy, isn’t he?” The blonde turns to Phil, a sly smile on her face.

Dan glares at her, crossing his arms. “I am not,” he protests, rolling his chair over to his mini fridge to get a drink. He only had one bottle of Coke, and he made a mental note to get more the next time he went to the grocery store.

Phil smirks at him, shrugging. “A bit, but not in a bad way,” he answers Louise’s question, causing Dan to send him a heated glare. “I’m the same way, Dan, and you know it.” Phil only rolls his eyes at the look on Dan’s face, not affected in the slightest.

“Whatever,” he mumbles, taking a sip of the drink before handing it to Phil. “You’re lucky I’m sharing this now, after that comment. It’s my last one.” He’s fully aware of how childish he sounds, but he feels it’s justified after Phil called him out like that.

“Thank you, love,” Phil says sweetly, his eyes dancing with amusement when their gazes meet. Dan almost takes the drink back then, just on principle, but he isn’t that cruel.

“You two are well adorable and all, but it’s a bit like watching two children fighting,” Louise observes, looking highly amused by this.

“Believe me, I know,” Dan sighs, dropping his chin onto his hand as he gets back to his food.

The rest of their lunch is spent talking and teasing, and Dan eases into their charade more than he thought he would. It’s honestly no different than normal, aside from a few added pet names here and there, which Dan doesn’t mind in the slightest. In fact, he’s quite enjoying it, fake as it is, because hearing those terms drop so easily from Phil’s lips is a little intoxicating to him.

Eventually, though, it ends, as Louise is called back to her office about fifteen minutes before their break ends, a disciplinary matter awaiting her. She insists that they meet for lunch more often, sending Phil a wink as she leaves them alone. Dan, drained from every aspect of that interaction, drops his head to his desk, sighing. He hears the chair in front of him shifting as Phil stands, followed by the sound of his footsteps drawing closer, sitting on the edge of the desk beside where Dan’s head was. Dan sighs again when he feels Phil’s hand drop to his hair, his hand raking through the curls in a comforting way.

“You okay, bear?” He asks softly. Dan’s heart clenches at this particular nickname, as he’d always had a soft spot for Phil calling him that. It’d been happening more recently, he’d noticed, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain about that.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, tilting his head to look up at Phil. “Just… Louise can be a lot.”

Phil smiles at this, nodding. “Yeah… But I think we did okay, yeah?”

Dan can only return the smile, nodding. He closes his eyes as Phil pets his hair for a few more moments, wishing more than anything that they were home. With a resigned sigh, he sits up, effectively causing Phil to remove his hand. “I guess you need to get back to work.” He hates the idea, but he’s comforted in the thought that he’ll get to see him later at home.

“Yeah.” He tilts his head, concern on his face. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look tired.”

Dan shrugs this off, clearing the food items off his desk. “I am tired,” he jokes, not missing the look Phil sends him. “I’m fine, promise. What time are you coming home?”

Phil sighs at the change in topic but answers him anyway. “The show’s over at four, so I’ll be home after that.”

“You don’t have to stay and work on anything else?” Dan asks timidly, unsure if he should even hope that he says no.

A smile tugs at Phil’s lips, and he doesn’t hide it very well at all. “Nope. I’ll be home as soon as I can be.” Then, surprising Dan for the second time in one hour, he leans in, kissing Dan’s forehead gently. “See you at home, Dan. Be careful driving, okay?” He waits for Dan’s nod of affirmation before he smiles and stands, carrying the trash from their lunch out with him as he goes.

“Thank you for lunch,” Dan calls before Phil gets to the door, propping his head up with his hand and sending Phil a tired smile when he looks back at him.

Phil just shakes his head, a fond look on his face. “I’ll see you later, Dan.”

Dan can only smile at this, watching as the door shuts. Only then does he let himself consider that today felt different, that he felt different. He absolutely refused to acknowledge the little voice in his head that wanted to give him suggestions about why that might be, and instead dragged his paperwork back out, busying himself with important things, like his career.

There was no room for second guessing his relationship with his best friend in his life right now, especially not with everything that was currently staked on them successfully acting as if they were a happy couple. He absolutely wasn’t about to ruin that with any of these irritating thoughts about what he used to feel. Even if things did feel a little similar to that time now, he couldn’t simply put aside everything else about their life or their friendship to revisit feelings he may or may not have felt nearly ten years ago. That was ridiculous.

At least, that’s what he tells himself repeatedly the rest of the afternoon, as he struggles to focus on the rows of names on the sheets in front of him.

Needless to say, it was a long day.

~~~

Phil hadn’t been lying when he said his trip to Ireland was that weekend, and even after Dan double checked their shared calendar in the office, he still frowned, wondering how on earth he’d gotten the dates mixed up. He doesn’t ponder this too long, as their evenings are still filled with foster carer training, and on one evening that week, another home visit from Hazel, which goes just as well as the last. She informs them that they have a date for their panel meeting, and they’re both excited to see that the process is moving along so smoothly.

By the time Thursday rolls around and Phil is actually getting packed for his trip, Dan is pretty much exhausted. He’s by no means happy that his best friend will be gone for four days, but he’s slightly relieved that at least he can nap the majority of the day and catch up on various chores around the house without fear of judgement.

Thursday night they’re sat in their bedroom as Phil packs his things. Dan was sitting on the bed, watching Phil with a pout on his face as he collected his clothes and shoved them in the bag. Despite his typical habit to procrastinate to the last moment with his own packing, Dan is rather bossy as his best friend packs, reminding him constantly of things he might’ve forgotten.

“Do you have your charger?” He asks, holding onto his legs as he sits criss-cross at the end of the bed beside Phil’s bag, peering over into it with concern.

Phil rolls his eyes at him, nodding. “Yes.”

“And your passport?” Dan’s aware that he sounds a bit like a helicopter mum, but he hates the idea of Phil flying on his own and forgetting something, with Dan not there to help him. Sure, he’d flown alone plenty of times, but Dan still felt that he should be there with him.

“Dan. Relax. I’ve got everything, okay?” Phil tosses a couple pairs of socks into the bag, sending Dan a reassuring smile.

Dan shifts, feeling a bit defensive. “I just wanted to make sure,” he says, his voice unintentionally small.

Phil stops moving around then, seeming to pick up on Dan’s mood. He stops and kneels down in front of Dan, dropping his hands to the younger man’s knees. “I know you’re just concerned, and I appreciate that. But I’m fine, okay? I’ve got all my ducks in a row, I promise.” He smiles then, his blue eyes bright. Dan can tell how excited he is for this trip, and he hates himself for worrying so much, probably dampening Phil’s desire to go.

“Okay,” Dan mumbles, dropping his gaze down to his hands that are folded in his lap.

“Hey,” Phil says gently, drawing Dan’s eyes back to his own. He’s got a soft look on his face as he reaches up, tucking a curl back into place atop Dan’s head. “I’m not upset with you for trying to help. I’m glad you care that much.” His lips stretch into a smile at this, and Dan averts his eyes from his best friend’s lips immediately, meeting his gaze again.

He shrugs nonchalantly. “I’d prefer if you didn’t die or run out of clothes or get there and not have your- do you have your contacts?” He breaks his own train of thought to rifle through Phil’s bag. He’s surprised when he feels his hands being tugged gently away.

“Yes, I do. And you need to stop worrying. I’ll let you check my bag when I’m done packing to make sure I’ve got everything, but until then you’ve gotta quit worrying. Deal?” He offers, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

Dan considers it for a moment before shrugging, nodding. Phil smiles and stands again, moving around the room to finish collecting all his things. Dan sighs, laying back on the bed. There’s a thought bouncing around in his head, and he knows he doesn’t need to voice it, but he wants to say it so badly it feels like he’s suffocating with the weight of it.

Finally, he can’t stand it any longer. Without sitting up, he says, “Did you mean what you said about marriage earlier?”

Almost immediately, he regrets asking, but he needs to know. The room is silent for a moment, and he’s a little concerned that maybe Phil didn’t hear, but then he hears an awkward chuckle. “Which part?” He asks, sounding a little nervous.

Dan shrugs, considering this. “The part where you said that it was basically just a symbol because it didn’t change how much you love- someone.” He very pointedly does not use his own name in that narrative, because he knows that this thing between them isn’t real, and he doesn’t want to put words in Phil’s mouth.

Again, another silence. Dan props himself up on his elbows for this, looking over at Phil. The older man is stood by their closet, his eyes locked on some spot on the lower wall, chewing his lip. He looked deep in thought, but he answers without looking away from that spot. “Yeah. That’s what I’ve always thought, to an extent.”

Dan lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, laying back down. For some reason, that doesn’t sate his curiosity about the topic, and his brain supplies that maybe that wasn’t the part of the conversation earlier that he’d wanted clarification on. He pushes that thought far, far out of his mind immediately. “Oh,” he murmurs softly, unsure what else to say.

It’s quiet for a moment before Phil comes back over, dropping something else into his bag before he comes to stand just between Dan’s legs that are dangling off the bed. Dan glances up at him at the contact, very pointedly not thinking about the fact that he’s laid down, stretched out on the bed, with Phil standing over him like this. He very carefully keeps his gaze on Phil’s face and his thoughts on things like Slenderman and dead puppies, because god knows he hasn’t had time to release any sort of tension recently, so this position could very easily become a problem.

“Why do you ask?” Phil inquires, staring down at Dan with a strange look on his face. Dan shrugs, letting his eyes trail up to Phil’s quiff and then up to the ceiling.

“No reason, I guess. I just thought it was interesting, since I’ve heard you rant about how stupid marriage is for years.” He keeps his voice neutral, and it wasn’t as if he was lying. He did think it was interesting for that reason, but he also knew that the question he’d wanted to ask wasn’t something he had any right asking.

“Oh.” Phil sounds a little disbelieving, but luckily, he doesn’t press. Instead, he just taps Dan’s thigh. “C’mere.”

Dan glances up, a little surprised to see Phil holding his hands out. Dan obliges almost immediately. He felt that he definitely deserved a hug for today, and especially since Phil would be gone for four days. He sits up and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, burying his face in his chest. They were both tall, so it wasn’t very often that Dan got to feel so short and comforted in his grip, so he reveled in the feeling of Phil wrapping his arms around Dan’s shoulders, leaning down so his cheek is resting atop Dan’s head.

Breathing deeply, Dan decides he’s allowed one more selfish comment for today. “I’ll miss you.”

Phil’s arms tighten around him, and he closes his eyes when he feels his chest rumble with a laugh. “I’ll miss you too, bear.”

It’s hard to tell how long they sit there, but Dan eventually feels a lump building in his throat, and he knows it’ll only be a few minutes before he’s a mess if he doesn’t stop this now. He leans away, gesturing to Phil’s bag. “Get to it, mate, I’m ready to go to sleep.”

The joking tone seems to lighten the mood, and Phil laughs loudly, ruffling Dan’s hair as he steps away. “Yes, your majesty.”

Dan smiles at this, laying down on his side to watch Phil move around. It’s not long before he’s done, and after Dan checks through the bag and reminds him to get his toiletries in the morning, he’s satisfied with Phil’s packing and more than ready for sleep. He curls up under the duvet and waits for Phil to turn off the lights and join him. As soon as they’re both in the bed, Dan reaches out and pokes his best friend’s chest.

“Be safe tomorrow, okay? I know you’ll probably wake me up with your elephant feet in the morning, but I want to say it now anyway.” He brushes Phil’s hair back, lingering for a moment before pulling his hand back to his chest.

“I’m not even that loud,” Phil complains, his eyes rolling.

Dan shakes his head, smirking. “You are, but that isn’t point.” He shifts slightly closer, his expression morphing into a more serious one. Even if it was a short flight, he still worried. “I want you to text me when you get to the airport, if you don’t mind. And when you land, so I know you’re safe.”

Phil smiles, leaning across the few inches separating them to press a kiss to Dan’s forehead. Dan’s grateful for the darkness, probably hiding the blush he feels creeping onto his cheeks. “I will, Dan,” he says softly.

His chest suddenly feeling a little tight, Dan only nods, rolling over onto his stomach, not so subtly getting closer to Phil as he does it. He closes his eyes, although he knows that he probably won’t sleep until he’s replayed that sweet forehead kiss about three hundred times, committing it to memory. “Night, Phil,” he whispers into the pillow.

He feels the gentle pressure of Phil resting his hand on Dan’s lower back, stroking gently before his reply comes. “Goodnight, Dan.”

~~~

When Dan wakes up, it’s to an empty bed, and empty bedroom. He tries not to let that bother him, instead thinking positively about the fact that he got some extra sleep in. He grabs his phone to turn off his alarm, smiling when he realizes he’s got some messages. One is from his mum, and the others are from Phil.

Phil: I just left the flat and didn’t wake u up so suck it Howell

Phil: I’m at the airport now and I’m not the last crew person here thank god that would be awkward

Phil: I hope these aren’t going to wake you up, but since it’s been a bit and you still haven’t answered I’m gonna assume they haven’t

Phil: getting on the plane perfectly safe text you when I land x

That was the last message, and Dan maybe lingers too long on the little “x” at the end. Just maybe.

He showers and dresses for work quickly, counting the time around when Phil last texted him to figure out when he would land. If his math was right, it would probably be shortly after he got to the school. He messages him back just to show that he’d read his last messages, and to assure him that he hadn’t been woken up.

Dan: didn’t wake me don’t worry. am glad ur safe on the plane and didn’t die yet

He knows Phil well enough to know that he’ll find the humor in that, where some people might think he’s being insensitive and indifferent. In reality they both knew that Dan worried a lot about flying alone, whether it was him or, in this case, Phil. He just masked his concern with jokes, since that seemed to work much better for him.

The drive to the school goes by in a blur as he’s got his mind on other things, and he drops his things off in his office quickly before venturing out to the staff lounge to get some coffee. He was earlier than usual, probably due to the lack of distraction this morning. Phil not being there maybe had a positive side after all.

He’s just gotten back into his office when there’s a knock on his door. “Come in,” he calls, setting his mug down and moving to open the curtains. He glances to the door when he hears it open, pleasantly surprised to see Charlotte. “Charlotte! How are you doing?” The girl smiles timidly before pointing to one of the chairs. He nods, gesturing for her to sit as he does the same. “Everything okay?” he asks when she doesn’t speak.

She fidgets for a moment before she finally brings her gaze up to meet his. “They terminated our parents’ rights yesterday,” she says, so quietly that he almost thinks he hasn’t heard her properly.

After a moment of speechlessness, he finds his words somehow. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you, Charlotte,” he whispers, his voice full of hurt. His heart ached for this child, and he’s suddenly thrown back four months ago, when this child had sat in his office telling him exactly what was going on at home. She didn’t realize how much her decision to tell him affected not only her life, but his as well.

The girl only nods, tucking her hair back behind her ear. “I only wanted to tell you since… you know, you helped us out. Thank you, by the way.” She briefly meets his eyes before dropping her gaze back to her hands once more. “It sucks and everything, but we’re so much safer than we were. And that’s because of you.”

He can’t help it when he stands and offers her a hug. She stands quickly, and he gathers her up in his arms, holding her tightly. There were rules and regulations about student-teacher contact, but this child had been through so much, and she needed a hug. “I’m so sorry this happened, Charlotte, but I’m glad I could help in some way.” He hesitates for a moment before pulling away, holding her at arm’s length. “You know, because of you, my fiancé and I decided to start fostering.”

She looks surprised, and he’s not sure if it’s because he’d just mentioned having a fiancé or if it’s because of his admission to fostering because of what he’d seen with her situation. “Really?” She asks, her eyes lighting up.

Dan nods, moving to sit back in his chair. “Yes. I’ve wanted to do it for years, but after that day… Well, that really gave me the push I needed to do it.”

Charlotte sits back down carefully, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I think that’s great, Mr. Howell. And I think you’ll make a great parent.” She smiles before blushing, nodding to the filing cabinet in the corner. His gaze wanders over to it, and he notices what she’s looking at. “Is that your fiancé?” She asks timidly, referencing the picture of him and Phil on their trip to Japan.

He nods, his heart swelling with something he thinks is pride. “It is.” He smiles, looking at the picture for a long moment before turning back to her.

She smiles back, nodding. “You look good together,” she compliments before going to stand. “I should get to first period, but I just wanted to come by and let you know what happened and say thanks.” She grabs her backpack and is on her way out the door as she speaks.

“Thank you for telling me. Stop by anytime you need me, Charlotte.” He watches the door close, his smile slowly slipping into a small frown. Of course, he loved seeing the children he worked with, and he was glad she felt comfortable coming to speak to him, but seeing her had been a reminder, like a splash of cold water to the face.

Regardless of whatever he thought his feelings could be concerning Phil, this whole act had a purpose. A purpose that was bigger than both of them. It was entirely based on the idea that they do something to help these kids who didn’t have anyone else. There wasn’t any time or place for him to feel the sort of things he thought he’d been feeling lately, and this had just been a good reminder of why. He vows to keep himself in check from now on, but when his phone dings with a new text, he already feels his heart change pace.

He’s beginning to think that he’s totally fucked.

~~~

“Tilt your screen down, you spoon, I can barely see you.” Dan is laughing as he gives the instructions, but he honestly just wishes Phil would fix the damn laptop, so he could see his face better. They were Skyping, and while he felt codependency was written across his forehead, he really didn’t regret it; he missed Phil already, and this was just so nostalgic for them, as their friendship had started online all those years ago. There’d been many late-night skype calls back in those days, and he was honestly a little excited for the nostalgia of it.

Phil does as he’s instructed, tilting the screen until Dan can clearly see his face. “Better?” He asks brightly, grinning with his tongue caught between his teeth.

Dan nods into his own little laptop camera, smiling. “Yes.” His eyes take in what he can see of Phil’s hotel room from this angle, and he raises an eyebrow. “I like your hotel room. The BBC is doing a nice job putting you guys up.”

Rolling his blue eyes, Phil shifts to lie down on his side, adjusting the laptop as he goes. “Thanks. I booked the rooms for this trip.” He rolls his eyes again, showing his distaste for the task. “This one isn’t terrible, but the room service isn’t great.” He frowns at this, and Dan watches him glance up at something Dan can’t see. His heart squeezes a little at how tired Phil looks all of a sudden.

“Well, why aren’t you just out to dinner with everyone else? I’m sure no one else is hanging out in their room alone.” He means this to be teasing and light, but he doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses Phil’s face as he frowns.

“Because I wanted to talk to you,” he says almost immediately, the honesty in his voice sends Dan spiraling into his own mind; what if, what if, what if.

He has paused for too long. Phil’s frown reappears, deeper-creased. Say something, Dan. He has to say something. “You could’ve texted or something. You know, if you’d wanted to go out.” Guilt courses through him at the idea that he’s holding Phil back, and he hates that feeling so much.

Phil shakes his head, moving his laptop away from him a bit. “I wanted to see you, too,” he says softly.

Every feeling Dan has ever had is shoved under a magnifying glass, a hundred, no a thousand times bigger and warmer than before. But he’s playing it cool. “Yeah?” What if, what if, what if, WHAT IF- “I wanted to see you too.”

There’s a silence when they just look at each other for a moment, and Dan feels so comfortable that he’s actually surprised. He would’ve thought that surely after all these years it would feel weird skyping, after so many years practically attached to the hip, but it actually didn’t feel much different than it used to. He’s annoyingly reminded of the similarities as his heart swells when Phil begins talking about his day. Just like old times.

They talk for less than an hour, but Phil’s eyes keep drifting to a certain point and he keeps snapping his head back to the camera, and even if Dan doesn’t have to work in the morning, Phil does. “Okay, go to sleep, granddad. You clearly can’t stay up past your bedtime,” Dan jokes, wishing more than anything that he was there with him. He shakes his head to clear that thought immediately.

Phil yawns then, only adding to Dan’s point. “I swear I wanted to stay awake longer,” he smiles blearily. “But I’m not going to lie, I’m exhausted.”

Dan nods, trying not to laugh at him. “I know, I can tell. It’s fine. Just text me tomorrow and let me know you’re okay. If you’re not exhausted when you get back to the hotel I’ll call, okay?”

The older man smiles warmly at this, propping his head up on his arm as he gazes into the camera, and Dan feels that gaze is looking right into his soul. “I can’t wait.” He pauses for a second before shifting, glancing away before his eyes flicker back. “I wish I was home,” he admits carefully.

Dan feels his heart jump into his throat, and he nods sharply. “Me too,” he breathes, hoping to God that he doesn’t do something ridiculous like cry. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Phil. Get some sleep.”

“Okay. Night, Dan.” Phil’s eyes are already closed, but Dan is positive he’s not actually asleep yet.

“Night,” he breathes. He ends the call, wishing more than anything in the world that he didn’t feel the cold in his chest that he currently felt.

~~~

The weekend goes by in a blur of cleaning, a trip to the grocery store, and a handful of calls and texts with Phil. Dan was surprisingly productive with all his free alone time, and the flat honestly looked great when he was finished. He also took the liberty of buying some simple sheets for the twin bed in the spare bedroom, spending probably an hour making the bed and tidying up the relatively empty room. Ever since Hazel had told them the date for their panel meeting that would determine their approval for fostering, he was giddy and nervous. Cleaning the spare room just helped calm his nerves slightly, but he wasn’t positive how much it was helping.

Monday is slow at work, but he’s counting down the hours before he gets home. Phil’s flight wasn’t landing until nearly midnight, so he’d likely be asleep before he got in, but he was more than relieved that he was finally going to be home. Not that he’d been that pathetically alone; he just liked having company and it was strange to go from having his best friend around all the time to only having a few texts or a call.

When he gets home, Dan tries to stay awake and wait for Phil to come home, but he’s exhausted, so he’s asleep before ten. It’s a restless sleep, though, as if even in sleep his body knows he’s anticipating something and can’t properly rest. So, he’s not really surprised that he wakes up easily enough when he feels the mattress dip with the weight of another person.

He rolls over, his eyes bleary as he opens them, blinking a few times to see properly. Phil is there, putting his glasses on the nightstand with his engagement band and plugging his phone up. He probably doesn’t even realize Dan’s awake, but when he turns back around to settle into bed, his eyes immediately meet the brunet’s.

“Hi,” he breathes, his blue eyes dull with exhaustion, even as his lips curl up into a smile.

Dan doesn’t even think before scooting closer, pressing his face to Phil’s chest and wrapping an arm around him. “Hi,” he whispers back, snuggling into his side. He smiles as he feels Phil return his embrace, one of his hands stroking down Dan’s back while the other tangles in his hair.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” Phil says softly. Dan tries to ignore the way he feels Phil’s lips press into his hair.

He shakes his head a little. “I’m not.” Something about saying it into the darkness seems a little less scary, a little less real. As if the darkness masks any meaning he may have behind the words.

“Me too,” Phil murmurs, shifting so that he’s lying on his back rather than his side, allowing Dan to properly rest his head on Phil’s chest. The hand in Dan’s hair doesn’t stop petting gently, and with the silence that falls over the room, it’s all too easy for Dan to fall asleep, content in Phil’s arms.

~~~

The next few weeks after Phil’s trip passes in a sort of blur, with Dan’s twenty-eighth birthday passing by quietly due to all the focus being on the foster situation. Phil offers to cook and invite some friends over, but ultimately Dan decides he just wants a quiet night in. It’s just a birthday, and he’ll have another in a year, and they can do something more exciting then.

Just a couple weeks after his birthday, they find themselves back at Hazel’s office for the panel meeting. To say that Dan was a nervous wreck would be an absolute understatement. He’s shaking so much that Phil insists on ordering them a cab rather than trying to drive. The whole ride there, he’s got the older man’s hand clutched in his in a death grip.

“Dan, please relax,” Phil says gently, his purple thumb stroking the back of Dan’s hand gently. “Everything’s going to be fine, just take a deep breath. Everything is fine.”

Dan tries to do this, he really does, but he finds it ridiculously hard to relax. “I need a distraction. God, I can’t do this,” he bursts, a wave of panic washing over him. His palms are sweating and he could swear his heart is breaking his ribs. This was the most important part of the fostering process, and if they couldn’t get approved, then this was all for nothing. Living together, getting so close, the whole fake relationship was a waste of time, and Dan’s sanity.

“Dan. Stop. Look at me.” Phil’s voice is firm, and Dan looks to him with wide eyes, frantic. Phil brings his hand up to cup the back of Dan’s head, his fingers brushing through the curls there gently. Dan swallows hard, the closeness and intensity of Phil’s gaze making him nervous in a new way. “It’s okay. Everything that’s happening right now, it’s all okay. We’re going to be at Hazel’s office and she’s going to take us to a room where there are people who are going to help us, okay? They’re not the enemy, you need to remember that. They’re doing their job to make sure that the best people are the people who get to foster, alright?” His words are quick and quiet, and Dan can only nod.

“What if we aren’t those people?” He breathes, finally daring to let his fear out in the open.

Before he even has time to process it, Phil’s pulling him closer, and Dan’s heart rate spikes. He only pulls Dan against him, allowing the younger man to rest his head on his shoulder, his face pressed against Phil’s long neck.

“You can’t think that, bear. You heard Hazel. She thinks we’re fantastic candidates. Do you honestly think she’d let us get our hopes up if she thought that we wouldn’t get approved?” Dan shakes his head slowly, and Phil presses a chaste kiss to his hair. “Exactly. She wouldn’t do that. So, this is all going to be fine. Just take a deep breath.”

For the rest of the ride, Dan does exactly that. He breathes slowly, feeling his nerves slowly calm down as Phil continues running a hand through his hair, soothing him with the motions. Dan even feels a bit silly when he feels a tear creep down his cheek, and he brushes it aside with a shaky laugh. When they pull up to the building, Phil pays the driver and tugs Dan’s hand to get him out of the car. They walk in with their hands intertwined, and the contact is incredibly grounding for Dan.

Hazel meets them at the front desk, a bright smile on her face. “Wonderful, you’re here! Shall we go then?”

Phil gazes at Dan, squeezing his hand reassuringly before nodding to Hazel. “We’re ready.”

And as they follow Hazel back to a room where the fate of their foster carer status will be decided, Dan isn’t sure that he’s ever been ready for this at all.

---

Five days.

It takes five painstakingly long days after the panel meeting for Dan to get the call.

Five days of anxiously chewing his lips to the point of bleeding, prompting Phil to have an intervention. He buys Dan several packs of gum and keeps an eye on him, ensuring that he’s chewing on that instead of destroying the skin on his lips even more.

Five days of pacing the flat every evening after work, worries flooding his mind, often late into the night. The third night of this, Phil gets up, finally tired of the noise, and drags Dan back to bed, spooning him the minute they’re back under the duvet. Dan’s certain that Phil’s tight grip on him is only to ensure he won’t get up and start pacing again, but he blushes furiously as Phil drifts off to sleep, his grip loosening around Dan’s waist.

When his phone finally rings on Monday evening, he’s almost frozen by the sound, staring at his phone as if it’s going to catch flames.

“Are you going to answer it?” Phil asks gently from his spot beside Dan. They were sitting on the couch, trying to watch an anime, although Dan had been lost since they started watching, his thoughts too messy to focus on the show.

He shakes his head emphatically, his eyes pleading when he looks to Phil. The older man takes the initiative immediately, sliding his thumb across the screen before putting it on speaker. “Hello?”

A woman’s voice answers, and she doesn’t sound like she’s preparing to deliver bad news, which Dan takes as a good sign. “Is this Mr. Howell or Mr. Lester?” She asks.

“Yes, this is Mr. Lester,” Phil responds, glancing over at Dan. He frowns, lifting his hand up and gripping Dan’s chin softly, his thumb brushing over his lips. Dan hadn’t realized it when he drew his bottom lip into his mouth, but now that Phil was pressing the pad of his thumb against them, he quickly released it from his teeth, smiling sheepishly. Phil drops his hand, leaving it resting on Dan’s knee.

“Great! This is Maria, from Bridging the Gap Fostering. I’m calling about the panel decision.” Her words bring a new wave of nerves to Dan, and he doesn’t even think before he reaches for Phil’s hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing hard.

Phil mirrors the gesture, staring at Dan as he responds. “Right. What’s the decision?”

Dan feels like he’s in one of those terrible dramatic movies where there’s the long, dramatic pause before news is delivered, and his stomach is twisting. He has no clue why this lady seems to take so long to respond, but maybe he’s only being dramatic because he’s so nervous for the answer. Either way, he waits, holding his breath, for her response.

“Well, the board was very impressed with your application,” she begins. Phil squeezes his hand harder then, a smile tugging at his lips. “And I’m very pleased to tell you that you’ve been approved. There will be a foster carer agreement sent to the address you’ve given us, and after that…” She continues speaking, but Dan isn’t listening anymore.

The words “you’ve been approved” are bouncing around in his head, and he can barely contain his relief and excitement. It takes every ounce of his willpower not to immediately pounce on Phil for a hug, but the older man is actually listening to her words, which is probably good, since it’s probably very important.

“Yes. Alright. We will. Thank you so much. Goodbye.” Phil’s got a grin on his face as he hangs up and places the phone on the coffee table.

They exchange a look, and before Dan can even think better of it, he’s scrambling over to Phil, throwing his arms around him. “We got approved!” He shouts, likely blowing Phil’s ears off due to their proximity.

“We got approved,” Phil cackles, tightening his arms around Dan.

“Oh my god.” Dan sits back after a second, his cheeks a little warm when Phil smiles fondly at him. “I… I can’t believe we got approved. We got approved. We actually got approved.”

“I know, Dan, I was here!” Phil laughs, shoving Dan’s knee gently.

They’re both just sat there smiling like idiots for a moment before Dan shakes his head, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He was so relieved it was as if he was coming down from some adrenaline high. “We’re going to do it, Phil. We’re actually going to get to be foster parents.”

He feels Phil bump his shoulder and turns to see Phil’s grin, his tongue between his teeth in that endearing way that he has. “We certainly are. Domino’s to celebrate?” He’s got his laptop already open, and Dan can’t help the grin that works its way onto his face. He was so happy, so relieved, that they were actually going to do this.

“Domino’s!” he cheers, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder as he watches him order.

And for the first time in a long time, everything feels blissfully uncomplicated.

#phan #phanfiction #foster parent au #foster parent #bbc producer!phil #student counselor!dan #parent!phan #parent!au #friends to lovers #best friends #bed sharing #fake relationship #i swear the children are going to show up eventually i promise im not parent!phan baiting on purpose #fluff #angst

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b-um-ble · 5 years ago

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Drabbles

None of these couples are the same, and not all of them are from a k-pop group! I usually always write these at night it’s when most of these ideas pop into my mind. If you’d like me to continue any of them please let me know and I’ll do my best!!

Disclamer:

I am not a writer by any means, it’s just a calming and fun creative outlet for me! I apologize for any grammar mistakes or spelling fails!

Cold

Tags: Fluff

Pairing: Jk x Female

251 words

His fingers glided against her skin, fluttering up the soft, pillowy skin on her upper lip. Tracing up the Cupid bow that leads to her nose he gently lets his fingers find her cheek bone where he caressed it. A soft pink crept from under his fingers where they touched her ever so gently, spreading across her face until she was glowing beautifully. The girl averted her eyes trying to shy away from the man’s stare, his eyes were full of the light he saw in the woman and he bore the biggest smile.

“You know it’s really cold.” the girl spoke her voice quiet bringing her eyes to meet the man’s again. The man she was looking at was very handsome, he had shaggy dark brown hair parted in bangs that hug below his eyes and ears. It was wavy but you could still see his deep brown eyes staring from beneath it,he was marked with a tiny mole under his full lips, and his skin was so warm under the sun. The girl felt her insides flutter as she soaked in his features, his hand still outstretched with his hand on her cheek.

“I know.” his deep voice made her come alive, she brought her hand to place over his letting him feel how icy they had become. He jumped from her touch “ Ah! You really are cold” he laughed before taking ahold of her hand, wrapping it in the warmth from his own hand. “Let’s go inside”

Dashing

Tags: Fluff

Pairing: Ollie x Josh

372 words

Oliver stared at himself through a mirror in the suit’s store he and his partner Josh were at. His threaded suit had fit him perfectly even though he had been worried about the weight he gained over their holiday. Josh seemed to agree on this thought as he didn’t stop complimenting Ollie. These compliments in particular had Oliver quiet flushed, he’s not used to Josh being so publicly affectionate towards him. “ You look great, honestly I don’t know what to say. I’m charmed Ols, I’m charmed.” Trying to not blush in front of the camera, Oliver laughed it off but inside he was feeling rather flattered.

Now it didn’t help that Josh looked just as dashing in his suit, Oliver couldn’t keep his eyes off of him but he tried his best while they finished filming for their JOLLY channel. He did however slip in a few risky compliments towards Josh, earning him a few side glances and awkward laughs. Then at last it was the time for thank you’s and bows as they ended their episode.

“That’s all for today!” the two males said in Korean as they waved at their camera.

The camera was shut off and the suits had to come off and be packaged away for their award ceremony coming up. Josh took this time to express some of his thoughts about this episode to Oliver while removing his suit “ You look damn good seriously Ols. Honestly kind of horny right now.” This took Oliver by surprise as he quickly looked up from unfastening his belt “ oh my god Josh. I can’t believe you’re saying this while we’re still at the store! “ josh had began his typical seal laughing at this but Ollie kept going “ Master suit-nim isnt even a few meters away from us ! They know a fair bit of English too. Josh they probably know what horny means” Josh’s laughter just intensified at Oliver’s hysterics.

“Just hurry up and change Ols, before I decide to jump you.” Josh said as he giggled and continued changing and Ollie did the same.The sun beamed down on both men along with their crew outside of the shop while they packed away equipment.

Comfort

Tags: Angst, Fluff

Pairing: Luffy x Nami

Words: 801

A candle’s flickering flame provided a glowing light against wooden walls connected to a wooden ceiling. It’s reflection shun on a small circular window encased in to the wall. Muffled voices could be heard from different directions, as could the splashing of water and a faint creaking. What couldn’t be heard was the tears falling gently to the floor. A young woman sat with her back against a bed, her head staring between her hands. One was bandaged the other was a little scratched up, wounds from her recent battle.

She reached up to feel her shoulder, her fingers lightly tracing rough scarred skin. She winced from the sting her skin gave in response. Memories flooded into her head, causing her to grasp ahold of her shoulder to tightly squeeze it. Too much has happened this past week, even though her battle was won and she no longer had to fight against ‘Arlong’ , her mind hadn’t had the time to catch up. As she thought the name her fingers began to dig into the skin on her shoulder, a warm liquid trickled down her arm. ‘Why do I still feel this way?’ ‘My island and my family are safe finally... Because of Luffy.” This time as she thought of this name her grasp loosened from her shoulder and dropped to the floor.

She leaned her head back against the bed, a sigh escaped her lips. She closed her eyes and brought her other arm to cover them. ‘I need to sleep’ but she didn’t move until her door swung open, causing her to jump up, tripping and falling on her back into the bed. “What the hell?!” She looked up angrily to see which dumbass with no manners barged into a woman’s room. Only to find her captain looking down at her with a stupid grin on his face.

“Hey-a Nami! Are you going to come eat? “ he asked excitedly , then adding “Sanji told me I couldn’t eat until you did!” He pouted. Nami was too baffled to remember the state she had been in just a few moments ago. Her captain looked at her for a response, but noticed blood on her arm.

“Nami! Did you not treat all of your injuries??” his voice was full of concern “ that’s no good ! We don’t have a doctor yet”

Nami offered her captain a small smile, her hero, the one who saved her. She was truly happy to know him and to join his adventure but her heart was aching right now . It ached for all the pain she had kept bottled inside for so many years. Luffy noticed Nami’s face change for a moment before she spoke

“Yeah, It’s okay Luffy! I know how to treat my wounds, and no I’m not hungry. Just tell Sanji to let you eat or I’ll be mad.” She sat up and weakly shoved him towards the door. “I’m going to sleep, okay?” Luffy stumbled towards the door but didn’t leave, instead he bent over, putting his face right in front of Nami’s.

“Were you crying?” He asked curiously

“No.”

He touched her face which had felt wet then he frowned.

“Oh Noo, the pin will grandpa is going to kick my ass” he sighed with a pout. Nami didn’t know how to respond she just wiped her face off.

“Luffy, I’m okay. I’m really happy that you helped me, and told me that I’m your friend. Just ... a lot has happened.”

Luffy nodded as he sat down in front of Nami with his legs crossed.

“But why were you crying?”

“Are you sad?”

“Just a little “ she confessed but she hurried her face into her knees embarrassed to be.

“I’m sorry” she whispered, why should she be sad after everything Luffy has done for her.

Luffy only smiled as he fondly looked at his navigator, he understood sort of.

“Then it’s not time for me to have this back yet” he gently placed his straw hat on top of her head. “Nami, give it back to me when you feel better okay? I’m okay as long as I know that you have it. I’ll just protect you both! He said confidently. He then stood up dashing outside “ hang on just a second !”

Nami let out a light chuckle before looking back up into her room, her heart had gotten warmer while she gently tugged on the familiar scratchy straw sitting ontop of her head. Then her goofy captain reappeared before her , with bandages and ointment in his hands. He squatted down beside her shoulder before cleaning her wound. “Nami this is going to hurt for a bit but I promise you will be okay! “ he said as he tended to her wound.

Offline

Tags: leading to smut

Pairing: Dan and Phil

Words: 298

The camera’s red light flicked off as Dan pushed the “stop recording” button. He laughed to himself in disbelief while pushing his sweaty bangs back.

“I can’t believe you Phil”

“Hey, at least it was funny right?” the older male said with a smile looking at his partner.

“Yeah well, scared me shitless off a chair again.” He glanced at his boyfriend’s innocent face bearing his usual smile.

“Are you really hurt?” Phil reached over to investigate Dan’s redded elbow before his hand was caught.

“No I’m fine, but I might really hurt you” Dan pulled Phil’s wrist towards him, causing his chair to roll and collide into Dan’s. Phil fell forward his face landing in to his boyfriend’s chest. “Should I make you fall from your chair?” Dan placed his hand under Phil’s chin forcing him to look up at him. Phil merely smiled back causing Dan to finally give in, smiling he leaned in and captured Phil’s lips with his own.

Caught off guard Phil moaned into Dan’s mouth which surprised dan because that made him considerably hard. He growled in response before encasing Phil’s face inside of his large hands, they both allowed the kiss to deepen. Dan got too into the kiss, standing up to loom over Phil’s chair before slightly putting pressure on it causing it to tilt. Suddenly Phil fell backwards hitting his head against the floor causing him to groan painfully with annoyance, “Daan” he whines. The curly headed man knelt down besides Phil to kiss the side of his head then whispering “ I told you I’d make you fall, but since we’re both down here..” his hand grabbed the older’s thigh before he pulled back and laughed at Phil’s blushed face. “You’re so cute, let’s go to the bedroom.”

#drabbles #bts jungkook #korean englishman #Ollie and Josh #One piece #luffy and nami #dan and phil #phan #fanfics

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dvp95 · 5 years ago

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can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

i want to die

Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?

Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE

I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.

phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye

Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.

It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.

Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.

no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.

I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?

Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil

Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.

It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.

dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??

Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?

It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.

After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.

In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.

The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.

Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.

He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.

Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.

"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."

"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.

"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."

"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"

Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."

"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"

"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."

"What are your windows made of now?"

"What? They're made of glass."

"Then why would you need to wait for one?"

"What did I say?"

"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.

"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."

"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."

"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."

"I'm alright."

Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.

To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.

"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.

Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"

Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.

"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.

"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.

"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"

"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."

With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."

"I think I can handle that."

Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.

"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"

Yes. "Maybe."

"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."

"He's just so cute," Dan whines.

"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."

Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."

"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."

"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.

"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."

If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"

Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."

"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."

It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.

The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.

"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.

"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."

Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.

"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."

Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.

"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."

"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.

"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.

"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."

Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."

"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."

Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.

There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.

"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.

"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."

"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.

He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.

Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.

Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.

Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.

Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.

Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"

"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.

It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.

"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.

"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"

Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.

"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."

The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.

They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.

"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.

"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.

"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."

"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."

"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.

There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.

"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.

When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.

But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.

#phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #phan #words words words #can't breathe when you touch my sleeve

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years ago

Text

Tomorrow Never Came PT. 6 (SMUT)

Summer is gone, and with it, your mysterious stalker as well. It’s been two months since the confrontation in the bar, and you’ve mostly forgot about his ominous warnings - but now you realize that you have only half a year to finalize your plan of attack with nothing to go on and no idea what to do. So, you take a risk, one that almost completely ruins everything and gets you caught out by Roger. And speaking of Roger...

Read PT. 1 here | Read PT. 2 here | Read PT. 3 here | Read PT. 4 here | Read PT. 5 here

(a/n: DOT DOT DOT so I forgot one of the guys names was already William SO I changed creepy future stranger guys name to Weston srry im a mess. also..... this is IT folks FINALLY the roger x reader fluff/smut i have been waiting to write we’ve all been waiting for in this series. its.... something)

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay, darling? I can let Roger go on his own, he’s a big boy.”

Freddie was curled up with you on the couch, having forced his way into an impromptu cuddle session with you after he saw that you were bundled up in a blanket, drinking tea and scribbling in your notebook. He felt terrible, seeing as he and Roger were going to a party that night, one you’d opted out of on the claim that you were working on your resume so you could get a better job than the café.

“Freddie, go on,” you laughed, giving him a gentle shove, and he exaggerated your strength as he pretended to nearly fall off the couch before laughing and giving you a shove in return. “Go on, you scoundrels. I’m happy right here.”

Roger was watching from the front hallway, leaning against the wall and smiling at the banter between the two of you. He looked good tonight, mouthwatering, actually – he was clad in one of Freddie’s black silk shirts, only the bottom half of it buttoned, and several necklaces laid across his dainty collarbones. The silk shirt was tucked into leather pants, and he topped it all off with black messenger boots, having refused to put on Freddie’s platform boots for a good part of an hour. There was something missing, though, and you couldn’t put your finger on it until you literally spotted it on the dresser as Freddie passed it, bumping the brim with his shoulder.

Freddie and Roger were about to leave when you scrambled to your feet, calling out, “Hey, wait a minute!” Grabbing the black newsboy cap off of the dresser, you padded over to the two of them, stopping in front of Roger as he raised an eyebrow before ducking his head, letting you put it on for him. “There. Perfect.”

Freddie rolled his eyes playfully before giving your side a pinch and kissing you on the cheek, then flouncing out of the door and leaving you alone with Roger for the moment. Roger watched Freddie with a small grin, then turned back to you, a questioning look in his eye.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?” he asked, fixing the cap so it laid right on his head. An unruly hair stuck out and caught on the brim of the cap, so you reached up to tuck it back into its original place, smiling.

“I’ll be fine here, Rog. Don’t have too much fun without me, though,” you warned jokingly, and Roger gave you a goofy grin before leaning in and quickly giving you a peck on the cheek, starting out the door.

“Wouldn’t dream of it!”

And with that, he’d closed the door, leaving you in silence as you walked back to the couch, slumping down against it and sighing. It was always nice having the flat to yourself, but tonight you were on edge a bit. Deciding that a nap would be the best to take your thoughts off your mind, you crawled back under the blanket, getting comfortable again as you closed your eyes, dozing off quickly to the sound of cars honking and dogs barking outside your window.

When you woke again, it was significantly darker outside, and you sat up to yawn and stretch, a heavy weight settling over you in the room. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but something was making you uneasy still. Maybe it was the fact you were half a year closer to that day and just as nervous as when you began, or just the fact that you were still planning on completely winging your ‘save the day’ tactic. Or it could have just been the terrible Chinese Roger had basically forced you to eat because he swore up and down that it was the best.

In any case, it was too dangerous to be as confident in your ignorance as you were. But at the same time, you remembered your uncle’s warning that the past would fight back if you were to impose on their daily lives – that’s why he’d urged you to move into this apartment. It provided a decent enough vantage point without letting you interact with the two. You’d cut it close with your mom, but thank God it was in a different part of the city. You were reclusive enough as it was, staying inside all day on Sundays to avoid chancing a run-in with her, seeing as she came to church every single weekend. You’d hoped you could go the whole time without seeing her to make it hurt as little as possible, but that moment in the little market had eliminated any chance of that.

6 months without seeing your mom was rough. Even if she wasn’t mentally there for quite a while before you’d came here, she was still your mom, and to see her suffer like that was hell. It was almost worse being here, but you had to remind yourself that barely any time was passing there. She most likely wouldn’t have even moved an inch by the time you got back, which was horrifying and relieving at the same time. Hopefully, if you managed to pull this off, she would be moving when you got back.

God, the thought of her smile when you got back. You felt a small smile come to your lips as you stood back up, ambling over towards the window to peer out of it. Night had settled in, the streetlights making the front of the church even more ominous as you gazed down at it, humming to yourself. “All for you, mom.”

That’s when you saw them. Both of them, William and Ted, exiting the church, standing on the steps. The street was mostly empty, and they mulled around on the steps as they pulled out packs of cigarettes, lighting up and seeming like they were deep in conversation as you stared at them in mild horror. A faint dizziness took over your senses, but a pinch to your arm by yourself brought you back to reality, and you scrambled to find your shoes and a light jacket before you were flying down the stairs.

What came over you, you had no idea, but you had to get down to that alleyway to hear their conversation. You felt like you owed it to your mom, and you needed to know what type of guys these were before everything went down. As you rounded the last set of stairs, heading down it, you heard Weston’s voice in your head, and you skidded to a stop as your hand came to rest on the door that let outside.

“It can’t be fixed.”

“Oh, fuck you,” you muttered, pushing open the door and stepping out into the cool night air. There they were, right across the street, chumming and smiling like they weren’t some of the scummiest people on this side of the city. They took no note of you as you crossed the street, slinking into the alleyway next to the broad staircase before you settled your back against the cool stone of the wall surrounding the steps, crossing your fingers that they weren’t planning on taking a stroll.

“Stop while you’re ahead. Reset.”

Shaking your head, you pushed Weston’s voice out of your mind again and tried to focus on the two morons that were literally maybe 10 feet from you, just on the other side of this wall. Scooting over to the edge of the wall for optimal listening, you curled up as small as you could, hiding yourself as you started to register the sound of two men talking.

“Yeah, we should be able to get something set up soon.”

A drag from a cigarette. A pause. “Diane said she’d be able to come and help tomorrow.”

Not your mom, but you wondered if it was the same Diane who your mom had brought over for dinner a few times when you were a child. She was frail mentally and physically even in your early years, so it wasn’t much of a surprise when she passed away around your pre-teen years.

“Heh. Diane.” An awfully lecherous snicker was shared between the both of them, and you almost gagged at the sound of it. Honestly, they sounded horrid, and you seriously questioned your mom’s judgement of them as good people in the first place. But then again, this could be how they spoke in private. They probably didn’t have a clue that a 21 year old from 2018 was sitting on the other side of the wall in a pile of trash, spying on them. That didn’t excuse them, of course, but it definitely explained the lack of judgement.

“Did you hear she’s seeing Dan now?” Dan? Your Uncle Dan? You’d never know he dated Diane. This convoluted mess of people was quickly overwhelming you, and you started to feel dizzy as you tried to keep up. “What’s he live, a few blocks over?”

“Yeah. I’d like to pay her a visit right now, know what I mean?”

Eugh. Gag again. One of them cracked up, laughing before you heard the sound of a light stomp, probably putting out a cigarette. “No disrespect to Daniel, but how is he getting it from a girl like that? She is one gorgeous piece of ass, I’d like to-“

You knocked over a can of trash as an earsplitting ringing sound started resounding in your head, making you double over in pain. It took all of your strength not to cry out for help, and in a daze, you crawled over until you were curled up behind a trash can. One of the men’s shadows appeared around the corner moments later, and you held your breath as you tried to recover from the ringing that was slowly fading. Pressing your eyes shut, you felt hot tears rolling down your face, faintly hearing something akin to “Probably a rat getting frisky. Let’s go inside.”

It felt like years as you sat out in that alley, your eyes shut tightly, fighting the ringing, but it was still there, faintly, and you opened your eyes as you sighed in exasperation. But the sigh caught in your throat as you came face to face with your mom, 2018 mom, sitting in a rocking chair across the alleyway.

“You’re saving me and not Diane?” Her voice was eerie, an echo of herself as she tilted her head impossibly far to the side, too far to be a physical reality, and your mouth dropped open in horror as you watched her, unable to move, unable to speak.

As soon as you blinked, she was gone, no evidence of her presence there at all, and you could feel your body scrambling to your feet, although you weren’t cognizant and telling yourself to do so. Leaden feet carried you across the street, hurtling you through the front door of your building, and before you knew it, you were up the stairs. When you rounded the corner to your floor, the nightmare continued.

Your 2013ish era mom and dad were smack dab in the middle of the hallway, screaming at each other. The sound was deafening, like someone had taken a stereo system and put it together in your brain before cranking it up to full volume. Clutching at your ears desperately, you sunk to the floor as you tried to block out the sound of them bickering, but it was no use. They were there, in your brain, screaming their heads off. It felt like you were 15 again, yelling desperately to try and break them apart, but nothing worked. They were too far in, too far gone to go back on what they’d said now. The arguing would go all night long. Your head was pounding as you dug your fingers into the side of your face, more tears spilling out of your eyes as you started to beg, plead for it to stop.

Another blink. They were gone. The sound had stopped abruptly, and you were alone in the hallway. Face wet with salty tears, you glanced around like a trapped animal, spotting a clock on the wall. It was just before midnight – you’d only been out in that alley for maybe 20 minutes. And yet, you were exhausted like you’d just spent a day running nonstop.

Slumping back against the wall, you let more tears run down your face and closed your eyes, your head falling back with a thud against the wall. “Fuck me, Dan wasn’t joking,” you choked out, wiping some mucus out from under your nose with the back of your hand as you tried to take deep breaths and calm down. Understatement of the century, the past will fuck with me .That was a fucking nightmare, not just a casual ‘Don’t do that.’

You could hear someone coming up the stairs and you sighed as you tried to will yourself to your feet, but nothing was happening. All of the energy in your body was gone for the moment – it would take a literal miracle to recharge you.

“Y/N, bloody hell, what happened to you?” Roger’s voice rang clear through the faint buzzing now in your ears, and you looked up at him while shooting him a pitiful attempt at a smile. “You’re bleeding!” His observation was slightly horrified, his worry only amplified by the slightly tipsy state he was in.

“Am I?” you wondered aloud, holding a hand up to your face and coming into contact with a small stream of blood running down the side of your face, pooling near your hair from the angle you’d been holding your head at. Must have been digging my fingers in harder than I thought. “Shit, I am. I’m sorry.”

“Christ, don’t be sorry,” he muttered, crouching down to your level and nearly falling off balance as he did so, holding on to the wall near you before repeating himself. “What happened to you?”

You shrugged, wiping away the rest of your tears before laughing softly at the state of yourself. “I’m a clumsy moron, I guess.” After that, you made finger guns at Roger and started to close your eyes, mortified that he of all people was the one to find you like this. As your eyes fluttered shut, you felt a strong hand encircling your arm and vaguely sensed that Roger was pulling you to your feet, leading you down the hallway back to the flat and pulling you towards the bathroom once you’d gotten inside.

In no time at all, you found yourself perched on the closed toilet lid, Roger cleaning up the blood from the side of your face as he watched you with an apprehensive expression, not sure what to make of finding his roommate out in the hallway, crying and bloody.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d ask if you were on the rag,” he joked as he dabbed at the side of your face, chuckling when that got a small smile out of you. “Just taking the piss, don’t beat me.” After another pause where you didn’t even attempt to pick up the conversation, just watching him with a guarded stare, he swallowed hard. His cheeks were a bit red from the alcohol in his system, and you could tell he was overheating in the cramped bathroom from the small amount of sweat forming on his forehead. “Y/N, you worry me.”

That made your heart flip as you furrowed your eyebrows, the expression change enough to make Roger pull his hand away shakily and fumble for a band-aid, nervously avoiding what seemed like a critical look from you. “Why are you worried about me?” you asked, genuinely curious as to why this 70’s sexpot of a roommate was even halfway concerned with your well-being when he was literally on his way to becoming one of the biggest rockstars of all time.

“Because,” he mumbled, opening the bandaid and applying it carefully as he avoided your gaze, more for his sake than anything. “You’re my flatmate.” An eyebrow raise from you made him sigh, and he dropped the wrapper in the trash before starting to clean up his mess. “Okay, you really want to know? Because Buzzed Roger is about to get real.”

“Third person,” you reminded him, and he gave you a nasty look before starting to wash his hands, clearing his throat.

“You go and work all hours of the day, write a bunch of shit in your notebook when you’re here, we have to beg you to come out with us, and when you do, you end up leaving early or…. or, I don’t know, like that one night, when you ran off with that old guy without checking in with us, and then came back looking like you’d just been through the wringer!”

“Didn’t know I had to check in with you before I left with a guy,” you replied, almost in a haze as you watched him dry his hands, looking at you with an unfathomable expression.

“Well, damn it, you should!” he replied irritably, throwing the towel down on the counter. The sudden outburst actually shocked you, and it must have registered on your face as well, because he was immediately apologizing out of his ass for freaking out. “Shit, no, I’m sorry, god damn it, I just found you all beat up in the hallway and now I’m yelling at you, just hit me, I’m such a knobhead-“

“God, Roger, I’m fine, breathe,” you interrupted, climbing up off the toilet and coming over to look at yourself in the mirror. “Woof.”

“Woof?” he repeated, also looking at you in the mirror. Your face was tear stained, but free of blood, and the redness around the rim of your eyes had mostly disappeared by now. He thought you looked as adorable as ever. Sure, you were a bit messy from your brief stint as a spy, but he didn’t know that, and he marveled at the way you managed to make his heart skip a beat even when you were fresh from crying.

“Just looking a bit rough, is all,” you murmured, wiping at your under-eyes before sighing and making your way out into the hallway, headed for the kitchen. “How was the party?”

Your attempt to change the subject was not lost on Roger, even as drunk as he was, but he chose to mostly ignore it since it seemed to bother you when he’d asked about it. Instead, he followed you to the kitchen, watching you grab two glasses of water. “It was alright. Freddie’s fucking plastered and left without me, so I came back here ‘cause…” he trailed off, shrugging and pursing his lips a bit.

“Because why?” you asked, taking a drink of your water before you handed him his, which he accepted gratefully. The smile on his face as he took a drink rejuvenated you a bit, making you feel less dead, so you decided to crack a joke to see if he bit. “You miss me?”

“No!” he replied defensively, an even deeper red covering his cheeks as you sipped at your water, just watching him. Getting no reaction was even worse than getting a bad one to him, and he stuttered as he fell over his next words, a certified hot mess in a silk shirt and leather pants. “I didn’t mean no like that, God, I meant- I came back because- ugh! Fine. Yes, okay? I missed you. I wanted you to be there with us. It made me sad when I thought of you being here all alone, without us, without me and Fred.”

Despite feeling like you’d just crawled up through the crust of the Earth, you couldn’t help but smile slyly at that, forgetting all about the nights events. “Roger Taylor missing me? I feel honored.”

“You should,” he muttered, taking another drink and trying to hide his embarrassment with a biting tone as he avoided eye contact once again. “I don’t even have to ask if you missed me, I already know the answer to that one. Freddie misses me even when I’m gone for two minutes, so you? You were probably missing me before I got out of the door.”

“Well, someone’s got an ego,” you mumbled, finishing your water before sitting the glass in the sink. Roger laughed at your comment, following you as you made your way to the couch, grabbing your hand and trying to tug you to your feet when you attempted to lay down. “Hey, I’m trying to sleep here. Obviously, I’ve had a rough night.” Although you had obviously had a terrible night, you secretly hoped he would disregard your words and stay, or something similar to that.

And he did. He mocked your voice in a high-pitched imitation as he wrapped his other hand around yours, pulling you to your feet. “You’re mad if you think I’m going to let you sleep on the couch tonight. You’ve had a rough night.”

Groaning playfully as you let him raise you back to a standing position, you followed him down the hall, smiling far too widely at the feeling of his hand around yours. “Rog, you don’t have to share your bed with me. I’m fine.”

“Tell that to the bandaid on your face.” Rolling your eyes, you followed as he led you into his room, letting you go sooner than you’d wanted him to, and you gave him a teasing deadpan look before you crawled into his bed, grumbling playfully. “Oh, don’t pretend you aren’t happy to sleep in a bed for once.”

“You’re not wrong, actually.” You had to laugh at that, and as you laid down on your back on the far end of the bed, Roger chuckled and began to unbutton his shirt. He strolled over to the closet as you watched him, silently admiring the ripple of his understated muscles under his skin as he shrugged the shirt off, tossing it into the closet before starting to unbutton his pants. Out of politeness, you shifted your eyes up to the ceiling – as much as you would enjoy the view, you had to restrain yourself. “If you really wanted to know, yes, I did miss you once you guys were gone.”

“I told you, I already knew,” he teased, crawling into bed once he’d gotten in to boxers and a tshirt. When you scoffed and rolled over to face away from him, he laughed and tugged you back down to your original laying position, propping his head up on his hand and he looked down at you. “Don’t ignore me. I can kick you out of here lickety-split, sweetheart.”

“You wouldn’t do that. You’re too much of a softie,” you snickered, pulling the covers up over your shoulders as you turned on your side to face him, clutching the edge of his duvet.

Raising an eyebrow at that, he gave you an almost insulted look before he spoke. “Roger Taylor, a softie? I’ll have you know-“

“When will you ever stop talking in the third person?” That irritated him a bit, and you could tell from the way his mouth twitched as he tried to calm down and not say something snarky back.

“You’re being real mouthy for such a weak thing, you know that?” he asked, sitting up a bit on his elbow and daring you with his eyes to talk back. It was almost like he wanted to you to, like the banter was fueling him, getting him closer and closer to snapping.

So, you did. “Weak thing? That’s rich, coming from you.”

Now he was pissed. “You little rotter, you- I ought to…” he trailed off, his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fist, searching for the right words to say. But nothing was coming to mind, not until you prompted him.

“You ought to what, tough guy? Shut me up? I’ll have you know my right hook is mean and-“

Roger’s hand clamped over your mouth all of a sudden, silencing you immediately and making your eyes widen a bit as he stared you down with something unmistakable in his eyes. You’d seen it before, but never quite this pronounced. Hunger. A ravenous hunger, almost to the point of lasciviousness. But there was still a fondness in the way he held your jaw, his fingertips just tight enough to silence you but nowhere near tight enough to leave any marks. And then his fingertips moved away, uncovering your mouth and quickly running over the small bandaid on the side of your face, his breath hitting your lips and smelling of alcohol and something minty. His thumb stroked at your chin once, then took a hold of it with his thumb and index finger before leaning down over you and pressing his lips to yours.

He was impossibly gentle with his kiss to contrast that fierce look you’d just witnessed, testing the waters before he got in too deep, and that set your skin on fire. You tangled with the fact that Roger Taylor, your roommate of 6 months and currently one of your closest friends on top of being a future fucking rockstar, was kissing you. It took you more than a moment to realize you’d been frozen in your spot, but when you did finally realize, you moved your hand up to his wrist and halfway wrapped your fingers around it, barely gripping his arm as you kissed back while your brain was going haywire at the current situation.

Gentle kisses quickly gave way to frenzied, impetuous kisses, the overwhelming smell of alcohol and Roger’s cologne more intoxicating that any liquor you’d ever tried before. His hands explored your body languidly, taking his time touching and feeling anything he could get his hands on. You were about the same, your hands sneaking underneath the back of his shirt and coming to rest on the heated skin of his back as he slipped his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around yours and eliciting a quiet purr of appreciation from you in response.

That perked him right up, making him double his efforts as he moved his hands to your ass, gripping it and pulling you on top of him as he rolled onto his back. Straddling his hips, you pulled away to catch your breath and sat up, Roger’s heavy eyelids fluttering open to find you pulling your shirt off and looking down at him, panting ever-so-slightly from the breath-taking makeout session you’d just engaged in.

Really, he didn’t say much, but his demeanor and expression gave everything away as his hands came to rest on your thighs, his eyes devouring every inch of skin you’d exposed by the simple action. And then he was pulling his shirt off too, tossing it to the side as you pulled your bralette off, hissing at the cool air that suddenly directly hit your nipples.

The feeling didn’t last long, however, for Roger sat up and immediately started to place sloppy kisses along your collarbone, making his way down until he left an open-mouthed kiss to one of your nipples, teasing the other with his thumb and making you shiver. Running a hand into his hair, your let your eyes flutter shut as you zoned out, reveling in the feeling of Roger’s mouth on you, hot and desperate.

For a moment, you questioned whether doing this was okay in the grand scheme of things. After all, what if this was the magnum opus of fuck-ups you could do here? But then Roger’s hand ghosting up your thigh before grabbing your ass distracted you, making you breathe out his name in surprise before pressing your ass back against his hand. His grip tightened just a bit when your hips shifted over his and your clothed core briefly passed over his cock, which was beginning to strain against his boxers a bit.

“God, do that again,” he mumbled against your chest, resting his forehead against your collarbones as you began to grind down against him, his hands flying to your hips to guide you in just the right way to drive him crazy. Soon enough, his hips were rutting up against you, needy for any kind of friction he could get. The two of you rocked against each other, getting yourselves off just on the feeling of what could happen if those layers of clothes were eliminated.

Sooner or later, you supposed you’d seen this coming – you and Roger – but never did you imagine it would be so impromptu. Sure, you’d done your fair share of flirting back and forth, but this had been so out of the blue. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was still slightly intoxicated and you were at your most vulnerable, but you didn’t care anymore. All you cared about was getting all of Roger, skin on skin, body to body, fully being one with him.

“Rog,” you almost moaned, tugging his hair back so he’d look up at you. With a half-focused grunt, he raised his eyes to yours as he slowed down his hips, looking delectably keyed-up with his fucked out eyes and parted lips. “Have you got a condom?” you asked, taking his face in your hands so he’d focus completely on you. Nodding as his shaky, irregular breaths hit your lips, he licked his lips and nodded over to the desk.

“Top left drawer, to the left in the very back,” he managed to say, hardly wanting to let go of your hips but doing so once you pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips before crawling off of him. He watched as you went, pushing his boxers down and off without tearing his eyes away from the curve of your ass that was peeking out from under your shorts, which you dropped to the floor on the way to the desk, leaving you only in some panties that left even less to his imagination. Digging through the drawer, you finally found one and snatched it up, putting it between your teeth before shimmying out of your panties too as you turned to face Roger again.

A small smile played at the corner of his lips as you made eye contact, and you found yourself blushing as you took the condom wrapper out of your mouth, carefully making your way back over to him and trying to subdue the redness of your cheeks. Coming to kneel between his legs, you tore the package open with the help of your teeth and pulled the condom out, glancing up at him to find him watching your hands with interest. So, you looked back down and started to roll the latex on to his impossibly hard member, keeping your touch light, which made him squirm a bit and grip the sheets until you’d gotten it on fully. Then you threw your leg over his hips, straddling him again and leaning forward to meet him for a kiss, which he eagerly reciprocated.

His hand took on a firm grip of the nape of your neck, keeping your lips against his as he wrapped his other arm around your waist, flipping the two of you so that he now had you pinned down to the mattress. Taking his cock in his hand, he ran the tip along your folds, velvety smooth and practically dripping at this point. You moaned into his mouth when he pressed the tip against your entrance, wrapping your arms around him and trying to press his hips closer to yours, which he took as an invitation to push into you. A strained groan left his mouth as he pulled away from the kiss, and when he bottomed out, you felt him still for a moment inside of you.

After a short and sweet pause, he started moving again, beginning to thrust in and out of you at an initially unhurried pace. All he focused on at the moment was the small whimpers and moans of appreciation that were leaving your lips irregularly, making him groan your name as he rolled his hips achingly slow, wanting to savor the moment.

But you couldn’t stand it. The suspense was killing you – you needed the frenzy, the rushed passion, or you’d get lost in your thoughts again, and you didn’t want to ruin this moment. So, you rolled your hips up to meet his thrust, letting his head fall into the crook of your neck before you murmured in his ear, “Fuck me, Roger. Let me have it.”

He trembled at the sound of your voice, nearly failing to support his weight on his arms before he nodded, breathlessly pressing a kiss to your shoulder. Then he began to thrust faster, harder, and the sweet, high-pitched moans that you let go were enough to make Roger let out a string of curses before burying his face in your neck, panting harshly as he dug one of his hands into your hips, pounding into you at a feverish pace.

“Oh my god, Roger,” you breathed out, curling up your fingers in his hair and against his back as you felt your eyes flutter shut. Your back arched up in pleasure when he angled his hips, thrusting deeper and slower for a moment, and an almost-pornographic moan tumbled out of you, gaining an equally sinful moan from Roger in response.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he mumbled between pants, trailing love bites along your shoulder before snapping his hips forward and eliciting a surprised cry of pleasure that was sure to wake up all of the neighbors. “Wish I could have fucked you senseless the moment I met you.”

“Wouldn’t have been opposed,” you laughed brokenly, cut off by another snap of his hips that buried him deep inside of you. “Oh my god¸ you’re-“

You cut off as you felt a shiver run up your spine from the feeling of Roger moving his hands to your shoulder as he sat up a bit, using your shoulder as leverage so he could continue to thrust deep into you. He was still sweating, probably worse now, but so were you, so you didn’t mind. His hair was an absolute mess from your desperate tugs on it, and he looked about as close to an orgasm as you did.

“I’m what?” he asked, slowing down his hips for a moment and expertly rolling them as he watched you expectantly. It took all of your remaining brain functions to try and remember what you were going to say, too focused on the way he filled you with each thrust to recall the whole thing.

“I said you’re so good,” you breathed out, and with a low moan that caused another shiver to run down your spine, Roger sped up gradually, sending all of your senses haywire as you neared your high. “I’m close, Rog.”

“Let go, sweetheart,” he groaned, gazing down at you through heavily lidded eyes as he steadied his pace, reaching down to rub your clit on top of that. The overstimulation was enough to send you over the edge, and you squeezed your eyes shut as you came, Roger still pounding away into you while you chanted his name like a prayer, over and over, experiencing probably one of the best orgasms you’d ever had.

Roger felt himself getting sloppy as he watched you ride out your high, and a strangled groan left his lips as he sped up his thrusts, chasing his own high in the wake of yours. You opened your eyes finally to see how close he was, so you wrapped your legs around his hips and dug your heels into his back, pressing his hips towards your as you tugged him down for another kiss again. “Come for me, please, Rog,” you begged between kisses, Roger only responding with a broken moan before he pulled away from the kiss completely He thrusted into you a few more times before letting out a long, drawn-out moan and spilling out into his condom, rocking his hips forward a few times to ride out his own high.

“Y/N… oh god, Y/N,” he panted, resting his forehead on yours as he finished himself off. Reluctantly pulling out once he was done, he crawled off you to dispose of the condom, coming back with a towel from his closet to clean you up. You closed your eyes, throwing an arm over them as he did so, absolutely exhausted from the whole day, and almost found yourself dozing off before he crawled back into bed with you, still completely naked but far more satisfied than before. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a spooning position with him, but it seemed more intimate than anything. The fact that you two were still completely nude didn’t seem to arouse any overtly sexual feelings – you just wanted to be in his arms, and he just wanted you in his arms. It was mutual, the unspoken affection between the two of you – no words needed to be said as he pressed a small kiss to your shoulder before settling in and pulling the blanket over the two of you.

You didn’t even have to say goodnight, the both of you just dozing off in each other’s company. For two people who could never shut up around and about each other, you were, for the first time, completely silent, just happy to be alive, and happy to be in love. Love? Am I in love with him? God, how scary is that? Roger made a quiet noise in his sleep and twitched a bit, pulling you closer and nuzzling your shoulder. So worth it, though.

PT. 1 PT. 2 PT. 3 PT. 4 PT. 5

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#god this is so long LMFAO #why am i like this #roger x reader smut #roger x reader #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x reader smut #roger taylor x reader imagine #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut imagine #roger taylor #smut #smut imagine #queen imagine #queen smut #time travel #series

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icequeenjules26 · 6 years ago

Text

Maybe you don’t really want me here

Summary: Dan and Phil have been broken up for months, and Dan is over it, he really is! It's just that maybe he possibly isn't over Phil after all...

Word Count: 2,3k

Tags: Angst with a happy ending (but not really tbh)

A/n: My fic written for the @phandomficfests Shuffle mode! I got the Song Why am i like this by Orla Gartland and decided to take the lines maybe you don’t really want me there at your birthday party i’ll be there in the corner, thinking right over every single word of the conversation we just had And do something with it! It's entirely different from the way I usually write, so I really hope you guys like it! Beta’d by the princess @mateusz1912

Read on AO3

This story begins like so many stories do these days - jumping in on the hero in an astonishingly uncomfortable situation. Not that Dan would consider himself a hero, per se. But sometimes, during those late-night session where sleep is nothing but a distinct memory that somehow somewhere had probably played a vital role in his life, he finds himself relating to those gag-worthy postcard sayings of worldly wisdom that under normal circumstances would never even reach him. And those usually say that humans are the heroes of their own story.

Which, generally, is not a bad advice in life. And to a certain degree, Dan even agrees - he doesn’t believe in this big, looming, almighty entity that somehow always pushes all lifes into the direction they want them to. So yes, he does think that the most important presence determining the outcome of his life is himself. But the rest of it - this encouraging, motivational undertone - just rubs him the wrong way. Because life is nothing but a series of disappointments, and then you die. Right?

Once upon a time, he might have thought differently about it. He might have thought that yes, fighting is the way to go; that all those motivational quotes had a point and life deserved a chance of redemption, just like any good villian in a story did. But, just like most redemption arcs, it had failed spectacularly in terms of execution. Now Dan basically tags around out of spite. He wants to kick life in the butt with full force, just so he can say I did it. With nothing but myself.

So, back to the uncomfortable situation we find our hero in. It’s a birthday party. Some of you might stop here, pause for a moment and think - wait. Birthday parties are not that bad. Even the introverts will probably conclude that astonishingly uncomfortable is nothing but a humorous exaggeration to drive the reader in faster. So, an elaboration seems to be in order.

Obviously, it’s not just any birthday party. It’s not the one of his younger brother, who might be a stereotypical facebook vegan (with those ridiculously humourless vegan friends that take everything you say just a tad bit too serious); but still manages to forget all that when it comes to his birthday party and just drinks himself straight into oblivion - no matter if the alcoholic beverage he does it with is actually vegan or not. It’s not Christian’s, either, his best friend with slightly suicidal tendencies (at least if his heart rate inducing favorite activities are anything to go by; like motorcycles and dancing and bungee jumping - all three on the same level of ridiculous suicidalness, in Dan’s book) - even though he is only an ordinary adrenaline junky, or so he says.

It’s not even one Christian simply dragged him along to, one where he doesn’t know anyone and just drinks until there’s nothing on his mind than to have fun with his best friend.

No. It’s worse.

Far worse.

It’s the one of his ex boyfriend, Phil.

Yes, most of you will say now, yes, that does qualify as astonishingly uncomfortable. And it is, at least for Dan, if only because they didn’t part on particularly good terms - but it gets even worse. He’s honestly only here for his best friend, who is something like the adoptive brother of the birthday boy. They do share a good relationship, yes; they love each other like real brothers. But, like in all stories, there is a big, fat BUT coming. Phil’s current girlfriend, Tara, a lively, bubbly girl who probably doesn’t even know about the web of contradictory feelings she is entangled in, is not only Christian’s secret ex, no. She’s also the girl he is still ruthlessly in love with.

(If asked, Christian would just deny it. He’d argue back that Dan is just projecting, that the same goes for him and Phil. But that’s just calumny, nothing else.)

For that reason, and that reason alone, Dan agreed to even attend to this party. Christian has the brotherly obligation to be here, obviously, even if they’re not related by blood; but Dan’s presence is tolerated at best, and he’s at least ninety percent certain Phil would have kicked him right back out the door if it wouldn’t have been for Christian bringing him. He’d seen the question in his eyes when he’d greeted them at the door, the raised eyebrow and the hesitating stance, like wait, what’s he doing here.

They both knew Christian better than this. They both knew that he wouldn’t have brought Dan under normal circumstances, that there was something up with that. Dan is aware of the reason, has spend hours over hours with Christian agonizing over the what if’s. He can’t blame him, though, for the sole fairness of life; Christian had spend at least an equal amount of time with Dan whining over Phil, and he’s his brother. Dan, at least, has the added bonus that he didn’t know Tara particularly well. He liked her, sure, still does; in a sisterly way of wrap her in a blanket and never let her leave the den. She was cute, enthusiastic, happy; the light to Christian’s darkness, a darkness that Phil didn’t have in him and never would.

Tara and Christian just - fit, in a way that Dan never even comprehended… In a way that Christian claims Phil fits with Dan. He’s not too sure of it, and he’s completely over Phil now. Entirely. (And it has nothing to do with the pit of darkness opening up in his stomach at the thought of losing Phil yet again, of going through a breakup at least equally as messy as the last one. He’s not scared. Dan Howell doesn’t even know the word scared. He thinks. Probably. Most definitely.)

Phil knows something’s up, Dan can detect it in the way Phil’s eyes don’t leave him for longer than a few minutes through the whole night. It doesn’t surprise him too much; he had assumed Phil would be cautious, would watch him like a hawk and just wait for him to make a mistake, to reveal why he’s there with a few words mindlessly thrown into a conversation Phil isn’t even a part of.

It was the intensity of his burning looks that hit Dan like a brick wall in the middle of a drive; that caught him off guard and completely ripped him of his focus. They lead him to complete uselessness in the emotional support department, even if Christian could obviously need it. He’s nervous, jumpy and anxious, he shifts every time someone moves and Dan can’t do much more than to sit next to him, offering physical comfort in little touches. Tara has eyes basically solemnly for Christian, and even if the most parts of his muddled mind are occupied with other matters he still notices and makes a mental note to tell Christian about it later,

when they’re not surrounded by people that would soak that information right up.

So, instead of being helpful like he is supposed to Dan just sits in the corner, nursing a strong drink Christian mixed him right at the beginning, debating his current state of existence. It’s obvious that Phil maybe, probably, doesn’t even want him here, but he knows he can’t leave, for Christian’s sake; he is already at the edge of sanity with his best friend there as backup, Dan doesn’t even want to imagine the catastrophic repercussion his departure would probably cause.

All that is left for him to do is pondering over every last thing Phil had ever said to him. He reviews their whole relationship, the breakup; aspects he hasn’t been able to think about for months. It sends him into a spiral, more and more scenes shoving themselves in front of his eyes until all he sees and feels and hears are flashbacks of and with Phil. Christian shakes him out of them approximately five seconds later, but to Dan it feels like eternity spend in his recollection of the past, and he downs the rest of his drink in one go when he snaps out of it.

As we probably all know, alcohol has a habit of making people forget things, so the rest of the night is nothing but a blur to Dan. He thinks he slurs some hurt words to Phil three drinks into it, but he can’t be sure, he only remembers black hair; it could as well have been Christian, who doesn’t remember more either.

The only thing this birthday party does for our hero is opening up wounds he’d long since assumed to be completely dissipated. He’s back to wallowing in some sort feelings synthesis, containing anguish and antagonism and a multiple of others he has no words for, and he doesn’t know how to get back to before everything fell apart all over again. Christian does his best to help, though, so he copes; only breaking down in tears once or twice or ten times.

Time jumps are a vital part to every other story, so this one contains one, too; if only because the next weeks are basically insignificant. We join back to our hero a few months later, at the end of may; where his birthday is edging closer in significant steps and he slowly but surely runs out of ways to justify his moping.

There’s a ring at the door that evening and it catches him entirely by surprise. Christian is still out, in rehearsals with the Royal Ballet, and even though Dan expects him back any minute now he knows it’s not him, simply because Christian has a key and hasn’t forgotten it once in his life. So, really, he doesn’t know who he expects it to be, but when he opens the door and Tara greets him with a smile he’s more than startled.

He asks her in and offers tea, and when she agrees he spends the time he needs to prepare it with contemplating the purpose of her visit. He has no idea what she wants and it makes him anxious and fidgety, even though he knows she’s not a bad or insufferable person and he has nothing to fear from her.

She beats around the bush for a few minutes, clearly uncomfortable, but when she finally spills the metaphorical tea (she doesn’t spill the real tea, thankfully), he’s glad she came to talk to him. She tells him about what’s been going on with her and Phil, that they finally called it quits this morning after basically living past each other for weeks; and his heart beats higher when she comes clear about her feelings towards Christian and Phil’s towards him. She tells him that, really, their relationship was mostly just a try to escape reality: the reality that they were both still in love with their exes. It’s an incredibly entangled situation they’re suddenly finding themselves in, but the solution seems to be too easy to be true.

“I love Christian,” Tara says, looking Dan straight into the eyes, “and Phil loves you. It’s easy, really. All I want to know if those feelings are mutual.”

It takes him a few seconds to wrap his head around everything, but when he does there’s a clarity in his mind that comes as much as a surprise as it does in handy. Truth is that he loves Phil and always had, and as much as he wished it did even the time he spent in denial won’t ever be able to change that; and Christian’s feelings for Tara aren’t even a real secret anymore.

“I never stopped loving Phil,” he tells her in all honesty, “and Christian has accepted the fact that he’ll never love anyone as much as he loves you a long time ago.”

When Christian stepps foot into the flat he’s immediately attacked by Tara, who’s kissing him senseless, while our hero already took off towards his happy ending.

Maybe it’s bad form to spoil the ending - but really, who even thinks things could still go wrong at this point? Sure, it’s definitely too easy, the way their problems are resolving themselves in the end, but, really, Dan has spend enough time in agony and heartbreak to deserve it - a nice, easy way to happiness, no conflict or outright war; at least not anymore. It’ll probably come back to bite him in the ass later, a few years into their relationship, when one of them asks for a marriage the other one doesn’t feel ready for or at all entitled to; but right now that’s nothing to be concerned about.

All that matters is that when Dan arrives at Phil’s place and bears his heart to him Phil is nothing if not empathetic, and when Dan takes the word love into his mouth there’s tears swimming in Phil’s eyes that almost break Dan down right then and there on Phil’s doorstep. It’s probably rushed and precipitated but none of them cares - and is it really when Dan has spend months waiting for this moment, hoping, praying to a god he doesn’t even believe in?

When they kiss it’s like everything has come full circle. There’s metaphors and sayings shooting through Dan’s muddled brain that he would have called romanticised and hyperbolical just seconds ago but now seem nothing but wholesome and fitting; and he feels love and happiness rushing through his veins like a wildfire. He’s warm and content for the first time in months and life’s redemption arc suddenly doesn’t seem so failing anymore.

When the group dynamics between all of them - Dan, Phil, Christian and Tara - fall into place just days afterwards Dan knows they all did the right thing, and suddenly he’s glad he had to suffer through this astonishingly uncomfortable situation. Because it all worked out in the end, and sometimes, things have to get worse before they can get better.

(And if Dan has to retch at this motivational saying it just shows him that in the end, he’s still the same as he was before. Just a bit happier.)

#phan #phanfiction #my writing #phanfic au #i'm not sure what this is but i'm strangely proud

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shookethbrooketh · 6 years ago

Text

fash·ion

noun a popular trend, especially in styles of dress and ornament or manners of behavior.

Description: Dan works at an upscale clothing store, and it’s the most abysmal environment he could have possibly gotten himself into. He sells oversized, overpriced clothes to old men trying to be cool and has the concept of “fashion” shoved down his throat on the daily. His job is stormy at best, until a ray of sunshine walks into the store named Phil.

Rating: G

Genre: AU

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.4k

Challenge: Fashion Challenge

A/N: Written for the @phanfichallenge!

Read it on Ao3! Read it on Wattpad!

Fashion. The word surrounded Dan everywhere he went. He personally fulfilled the expectations society had for “fashion”, but that was his own decision. It just so happened that the current trend was baggy clothes and curly hair. He wasn’t following the trends: the trends were following him. This made it easy enough for him to get a job at one of the most fashionable stores in the country: Men’s Best.

The store he worked at was so ridiculously overpriced that it disgusted him, but it was a paycheck, and one hell of a large one at that. Every time some stuck up old man walked into the store, he had to escort them to the back of the store where the old time suits were found. That was all about half his customers ever wanted: a fashionable suit. Only the back quarter of the store even dealt with dress clothes, but for some reason it was all anyone came to buy.

The entire front portion of the store was more his style: oversized clothes designed for people more around his age. Of course, nobody ever came in to buy them, because millennials didn’t have the money to get expensive clothes just because they were “fashionable”. Dan would never say it, but they were somehow more overpriced than they were oversized. He honestly didn’t understand why people couldn’t go to a normal store and just buy a size up. Really, most did, but a few rich kids trickled in to stay with the trends.

You might think that for someone who hates Men’s Best so much, it was quite odd for him to be working there. You’re definitely right. He’d been working that same dismal job for two years, and he didn’t want to be there; he just got it because he needed money for university. He’d since completed his schooling, but, like most other people his age, was still in massive debt, and he needed money. His current job was definitely the best money he’d be able to get for a while, and he wouldn’t stand a chance without it. So he stayed with the very culture he despised.

Fashion. There was an aesthetic sign on the far wall that simply said “fashion”. The messy cursive font was lit up by white light, and it was both Dan’s favorite and least favorite part of the store. It was, in all honesty, extremely aesthetic, but he couldn’t stand the word. Fashion. He had Googled it once; the official definition was, “a popular trend, especially in styles of dress and ornament or manners of behavior.” Sometimes he thought about that definition. It made it sound like fashion was only what society said looked good. That wasn’t what fashion meant, at least not to him.

To Dan, fashion was the phrase “sense of fashion”. He had his sense of fashion, and other people had theirs. It wasn’t just society; it was personal preference, and he was sick of seeing it portrayed otherwise. Then again, he worked in the belly of the beast. There really wasn’t a point in hating fashion when he hypocritically worked in the middle of the fashion industry.

Dan was standing at his station behind the cash register on his phone. There was nobody in the store that day that could possibly get him in any trouble for it, so he honestly didn’t care enough not to be on his phone. There wasn’t a soul in the store anyway. Mall music haunted him to his very being, and the sound of passing footsteps was engraved into his memory. Suddenly he heard footsteps drawing closer, and he glanced up from his phone to see a man walking in the door. He sighed, putting his phone down on the counter and putting on his fake smile. “Welcome to Men’s Best. If you need anything, feel free to let me know.”

“Thanks,” the man muttered. Dan took a moment just to look at him; he looked around his age, which was surprising in and of itself. He was wearing a quirky, blue button up covered in corgis and black skinny jeans. He had the same black, emo fringe he would have been willing to bet he had ten years ago, but his eyes were full of color and did perfectly to stand out against the rest of his dark figure. Everything about him contrasted; the fun shirt to the dark jeans, the dark hair to the bright eyes. It intrigued Dan in a way he wasn’t used to; he definitely had never seen anyone like him in the store before.

Dan couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing there. The store wasn’t at all his style. In fact, Dan liked his style a lot more than he liked the store’s. It was personalized, and, in reality, quite cute. He’d never met the man before, but he could tell it was really him. He didn’t need to be in that hell store of peer pressure by invisible fashionistas.

After a couple minutes of roaming, the man sighed and walked up to Dan, who, surprisingly, still hadn’t buried himself back in his phone. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“By that do you mean you want help looking or you don’t know why you’re here?”

“Both, really,” the man said, cracking a smile. “Phil.”

“Dan.” They shook hands, and Dan put on his professional smile, except for once he didn’t have to fake it. “How can I help you today?”

“This is gonna sound really stuck-up, but I’m only here because of my viewers.” Dan raised an eyebrow, and he rushed into the next sentence. “I’m a YouTuber, and I keep seeing these comments saying I’m not ‘fashionable’ enough.” He threw in the air quotes, and Dan rolled his eyes. The two seemed to see eye to eye on the concept of fashion. “So I came here to see if I could find some more ‘fashionable’ clothes. I’m striking out here.”

“Really? What’s your channel?”

He smiled a bit at the fact that Dan wanted to know. “AmazingPhil.” Dan secretly and expertly snuck his phone out of his pocket and looked him up on YouTube as they continued to talk.

“Well, if you really want me to find you something here that seems more you, I can help you, but I don’t think that’s what you want.”

Phil sighed. “It really isn’t.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Dan looked into those colorful eyes and finally spoke his mind. “You know, fashion isn’t just what other people tell you it is.” Phil raised an eyebrow. “Fashion isn’t what other people tell you, it’s what you believe. You have your own sense of fashion, and if you like it, then it’s good enough. Personally, I love your sense of fashion.”

“You do?” he asked, his face conveying the emotion of a lost puppy being found.

“Absolutely,” Dan answered, grinning from ear to ear.

“Thanks, Dan,” he said. “Maybe I can remember that to gain some more confidence.”

“Anytime.”

“Well,” he said, standing there awkwardly. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

Dan smirked, putting one hand to his forehead and pulling it out as an odd wave that could only be understood in person. “See ya.”

Phil turned on his heel and began to slowly leave the store, but just as he was about to reach the shoplifting detectors, he turned back. “Can I give you my phone number?”

Something stirred inside of Dan that he didn’t know how to describe, but it was a better feeling than he’d ever experienced inside that hell of a store. “Yeah, sure,” he said, trying not to sound too excited. He glanced around his desk until he found a pad of sticky notes and a pen; he grabbed them both and put them on the counter, managing to drop the pen towards Phil. “Sh-Fu-Ugh.” Dan quickly refrained from swearing as the typical old man walked into the store. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Phil laughed, picking up the pen and writing down his number, sliding the sticky notes across the counter to Dan. “There you go; shoot me a text sometime.”

“Will do,” he said, a genuine smile crossing his face as Phil left the store. He glanced at his phone, still open to Phil’s YouTube channel. His mouth fell open; Phil had 4.2 million subscribers. Dan would definitely be texting that number when he got off work. He quickly pocketed his phone and smiled up at the customer. The smile, and even his tone of voice were genuine. “Welcome to Men’s Best. How can I help you?”

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phan au #phan oneshot #phic stuff

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lizzzybooo · 6 years ago

Text

Your Mess Is Mine

Summary: “I know what you’re thinking,” he said with a serious tone, catching Dan off guard.

“Do you?” honestly, it wasn’t that hard to guess.

“Yes. You’re thinking that this hat totally clashes with everything else I’m wearing, and you’re not wrong.” He was looking at Dan with round, shiny eyes. Dan blinked at him a few times, dumbstruck.

——————————— A university!au where Dan is a third year student dealing with demons from his past, and Phil is the peculiar guy from his Greek mythology class who he just can’t quite get out of his mind.

warnings: mention of suicide (not discussed in detail), Minor Character Death

warnings for this chapter: smut

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12640926/chapters/36319632

also check out the amazing art @ninapons made for this fic!! hereand here

chapter 13

words for this chapter : 4686

read last chapter here

start at the beginning

They took a cab from the party back to Phil's place after saying a quick goodbye to PJ and Sophie, earning a knowing look and a smirk from both of them.

Phil was uncharacteristically quiet on the way back, sitting on the far end of the backseat, looking through the window.

Dan wasn't too worried though. His hand was still clasping Dan's, both resting on the seat between them, thumb rubbing Dan's knuckles up and down. His face was still flushing lovely pink and his lips were curved up in a barely there a smile.

When they got to Phil’s building Dan payed the driver quickly, getting out of the car and walking a step behind Phil towards his apartment. The air between them was still charged, as if there was actual electricity circulating between their bodies, even though they weren’t touching anymore. He could feel his heart beating fast and loud in his chest, so loud that he suspected Phil could hear it as well when he was taking out his keys and opening the front door.

He had no chance to dwell on it though, because the moment the door finally opened and Dan took a step forward after Phil, he found himself shoved against the wall, door shutting behind them, Phil’s lips against his.

Phil never kissed him like that before, and Dan was definitely caught by surprise. The kiss was urgent and messy and needy, as if Phil was trying to get as much of Dan as he could with his lips, as if no matter how much he got it wasn’t enough, and Dan tried to keep up as best as he could.

Phil’s hands were clutching his biceps tightly, almost painfully so, his coat covered chest was pressed against Dan’s, and it almost felt like their hearts were racing against each other, trying to see whose can beat faster.

Dan’s mind was in a complete haze, his body working on instinct, kissing Phil and pushing back against his weight, gripping his sides with his hands. It all felt a little surreal.

Phil only separated himself from Dan to take his own coat and shoes off, urging Dan to do the same. But before Dan managed to put his coat down, Phil was already launching himself back at him, shoving him a bit too enthusiastically in the process and making him bump his head on the wall with a loud bang.

“Ouch,” Dan said, rubbing his head and letting out a nervous laugh.

And just like that, the spell was broken.

Phil looked horrified, his eyes going wide and his hands flying up to cup Dan’s head, moving it from side to side, as if too check for any damage. “Oh my god! I’m so so sorry! Are you okay?” he asked, his tone high pitched and panicked. And Dan couldn’t help but feel fondness wash through his body, replacing some of the intense heat. This was the Phil he was used to. The sweet, clumsy, adorable Phil he couldn’t help but be enamored with.

Maybe, Dan thought, they should slow down for a moment.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he said, covering Phil’s hands with his own and taking them off his head, holding them tightly.

“Are you sure?” Phil asked, and Dan fought the urge to roll his eyes at how genuinely concerned Phil sounded.

“Yes,” he reassured.

But the mortified expression on Phil’s face didn’t drop, and he covered his face with his hands with a loud groan. “I’m sorry!” he exclaimed into his palms, “Now I’ve ruined the mood.” He sounded so genuinely upset with himself that Dan started to actually feel a little bad for him.

“Phil,” he said, earning only a small whine in response. “Phil, look at me,” he tried again, and even though he really did feel bad, he couldn’t help the smile that stretched on his face when he took hold of Phil’s wrists to pull his hands from his face, revealing Phil’s pouting lips and flushed cheeks. He was too endearing for his own good, even when he was being overdramatic.

Dan leaned in, kissing Phil slowly and deeply, nothing like the way they were kissing only a minute ago. And even though it made him feel less hot, less charged with sexual energy, Dan loved it just as much. Loved the slow and caring movements of their lips against each other. Loved to feel everything and be able to appreciate everything between them with no rush. Loved to feel like they weren’t just racing for the sake of the finish line.

Phil clung to him, fisting the front of his shirt and kissing back eagerly, but not speeding up the pace.

They drew back after a minute, Dan’s hands still holding Phil’s wrists, and his thumb rubbing over Phil’s pulse point, that was still beating pretty fast. Their faces were still extremely close, and Dan could feel Phil’s puffs of breath against his upper lip.

“You haven’t ruined anything you spoon,” Dan said warmly, nuzzling his nose against Phil’s, kissing him again quickly and softly.

Phil blinked up at him, his eyes still looked a little distressed but his lips were curving up in a small smile. He stepped forward, burying his face in Dan’s neck and letting out a loud whine of frustration. “I literally gave you a head injury while trying to woo you. I’m such a flop,” he said, voiced muffled by Dan’s collar.

Dan couldn’t stop himself from laughing at that, letting go of Phil’s wrists and winding his arms around his shoulders, squeezing him tightly. “God you’re such an idiot, what injury? I told you I’m fine,” he said, and his voice was so disgustingly fond even Phil didn’t have it in him to protest, only giggling against Dan’s neck, his breath tickling Dan’s sensitive skin there. “And besides, you don’t have to woo me. You’ve got me already, I’m yours.”

Phil’s breath hitched at Dan’s words, and the sound made something in the room feel charged again.

Except this time, the energy was calm, sweet, thick and caring in the best way.

Phil wrapped himself completely around Dan’s middle then, head buried deep into Dan’s neck and hands clutching the back of his shirt. “When you say things like that, you make me think I’m dreaming,” he mumbled, shy, hiding his face in Dan’s skin.

“I’m not exciting enough to dream about,” Dan tried to dismiss, because his cheeks were getting warmer and warmer and his chest tighter and tighter and there were words on the tip of his tongue he wasn’t sure he should say just yet, so he held them back, for now.

Phil pulled away at that, looking at Dan intently, his face flushed and intense and Dan wasn’t sure how long he could look at those eyes before he explodes. “You’re everything I ever dreamed of,” Phil said, and the sincerity in his voice made something akin to a volcano erupt in Dan’s stomach and fill his entire body with unbelievably warm, fluttering butterflies.

Phil had the amazing ability to say the most sincere, open things without so much as a blink, and no matter how many times he said things like that Dan still couldn’t get used to it. Wasn’t sure he ever could.

So he said nothing, leaning down to kiss Phil again, trying to convey at least a little what he was feeling at that moment. Trying make Phil understand.

Phil tugged on his hand, pulling him away from the wall and after him, disconnecting himself from his lips but giving him the loveliest smile before leading him to his bedroom.

There was nervous energy buzzing under Dan’s skin when they entered the room. Phil let go of his hand, moving to sit on the bed, looking up at him shyly with his blue blue eyes.

“Come here please,” Phil said, making grubby hands towards him. Dan let out a nervous chuckle, moving to sit next to him, their knees touching.

He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. He wasn’t entirely new to sex and intimacy, not really. He and Oliver had their experiences (even though, as teenagers, they pretty much stuck to the basics), and he did have a few intimate relationships with people he dated for short periods of time after starting university. But something about this night made him feel like it was the first time, like he didn’t know what to do with his hands and mouth and body. He wanted, desperately, to make anything they’d do feel amazing for Phil.

Phil giggled then, out of nowhere, making Dan snap out of his thoughts. “My heart is beating so fast,” he said, putting one hand on his chest and shaking his head. “We’re being silly,” he added before cupping Dan’s cheeks with his cool hands and leaning in to kiss him softly, soft lips gliding over his. Dan took a few moments to respond, letting himself be kissed before moving his hands to Phil’s waist, kissing back with a little more heat.

Phil moved them then, pushing Dan to lie on his back and hovered over him, leaning down to kiss him again, letting his tongue lick its way into Dan’s mouth, gently exploring.

He pulled back after a minute, eyes locking with Dan’s. “Thank you for tonight. For taking me to the party and holding my hand. I know… I know it was a weird thing to ask,” Phil said, and his voice was so sincere and his cheeks were so flushed and all Dan wanted was to kiss him again.

“I didn’t mind it, really,” Dan said, lifting his hands and putting them on Phil’s cheeks, thumbing under his eyes and watching the way they fluttered shut at the touch. He pulled him down then, kissing his jaw and the corner of his mouth and finally his lips, holding his face close.

When Phil pulled away, Dan almost whined in protest, but then Phil’s lips were moving down to his neck, kissing there lightly and all he could do was gasp.

“I want to make you feel good Dan,” he said against his skin, leaving another soft kiss. “Tell me how to do that.”

“My, uh, neck. It’s a good place to start,” Dan mumbled, embarrassed, feeling the vibration of Phil’s laughter against his skin.

Phil kissed his neck again then, this time applying more pressure, letting his wet tongue swipe against the warm skin, making Dan shudder.

Phil moved his legs, straddling Dan’s thighs and sitting up. Dan looked with half hooded eyes as Phil took the hems of his jumper in his hands, lifted up and tossed it aside, leaving him in his white button down.

He reached down, hands playing with the top button of Dan’s shirt. “Can I?” he asked, a little shyly. Dan nodded, feeling Phil’s fingers starting to work on each button, taking his time. When he finished, he pushed the fabric off of Dan’s shoulders, helping him sit up a bit to take the shirt off completely.

Phil moved his hands from Dan’s shoulders to his chest, putting his palms flat above his rapidly beating heart.

“So beautiful,” he said, and before Dan had the chance to respond Phil was leaning down, sucking on the skin of Dan’s collarbone and making him arch into the touch.

“I want to touch you, is that okay?” Phil asked, his lips still against Dan’s skin, but his big eyes peeking up from under his eyelashes and making Dan feel dizzy.

“Yeah, that’s… yeah,” was all Dan could muster before Phil was kissing down his body and towards his stomach.

Dan wasn’t really hard yet, even though he was definitely turned on, but the moment Phil’s hand found his crotch and pushed down, he felt a jolt of arousal go through his body, making him let out a loud breath, his hips bucking a little into the touch.

Phil let out a breath as well, fingers fumbling with the button and zipper of Dan’s jeans before pushing them down Dan’s body, taking his pants off as well. Dan lifted his hips to help, wiggling out of his last pieces of clothing, both of them giggling at his awkward movements.

When he was finally naked, Phil took a moment to look at him, his eyes going up and down his body, and Dan had to fight the urge to cover himself up.

He wasn’t particularly insecure about the way he looked, but something about Phil’s intense eyes studying him like that, while he himself was still completely clothed, looking like he was trying to memorize every curve and bump on Dan’s body, made it all feel more intimate than he ever remembered feeling in similar situations.

Phil reached his hand down tentatively then, fingers skimming over Dan’s skin gently before wrapping them around his length. Not surprisingly, they felt too cold against Dan’s warm skin.

Dan couldn’t help but flinch from the touch a little, causing Phil to flinch away as well, looking a little panicked from Dan’s reaction.

“Cold,” Dan said with a laugh before Phil had a chance to freak out.

Phil let out a breath in relief, his cheeks becoming darker. “Sorry!” he exclaimed, bringing his hands together and rubbing them fiercely.

Dan let out a chuckle, feeling lightheaded and ridiculously fond, taking Phil’s hands in his own and bringing them to his face, blowing hot air on them and squeezing them between his own warm fingers.

He repeated the action a few times until the skin of Phil’s hands started to feel at least a little warmer, concluding his treatment with a kiss to the tip of each finger. “There you go,” he said, feeling a little proud of himself when he looked up and saw Phil’s face had somehow managed to become even pinker.

Phil smiled shakily, letting out a nervous giggle and brought his hands back down, one gripping Dan’s cock lightly and one resting on his thigh. Dan hummed in appreciation, encouraging Phil to wrap his hand around him tighter and start to move it, making Dan let out a small noise, his cock growing harder in Phil’s hold.

The last time Dan was in a position similar to this with someone he truly cared about, was with Oliver, and Dan’s mind couldn’t help but think about that, couldn’t help but compare. He was mad at himself, a little, for thinking about someone else while being like that with Phil, while having Phil touch him and care for him. But the images were right there at the surface, waiting to float up whether he liked it or not.

Phil’s hands were a little smaller, Dan noticed, even though his fingers were longer, and their touch was a little softer, a little slower than Oliver’s. Oliver’s touches were always fast, tight, driven by teenage hormones and the desire to get each other off. And Dan liked that, at the time, felt hot all over and satisfied, didn’t ever think he would want something else, someone else to touch him. They were used to each other, used to each other’s bodies, and that was always good enough for him.

But now… it felt different, gentler, new. Phil was studying his body, studying his reactions, trying to get to know him better with his hands. He was taking his time, getting familiar with every part of Dan’s cock, trying to figure out where he should press harder and when he should speed up the pace.

And it felt so good, to be cherished like that, to be showered in this kind of attention, and he hated that he couldn’t stop himself from feeling a little guilty. Guilty for giving himself like that to someone who wasn’t Oliver, guilty for realizing that even with Oliver, he never felt quite like this before.

Phil stopped his motion suddenly then, making Dan open his eyes (when did he close them?) and look at him with confusion.

“What are you thinking about?” Phil asked softly, his hand still gripping Dan’s cock, unmoving.

“You. This,” Dan said, because it was mostly true and he wanted to sooth the worry in Phil’s eyes, even though he wasn’t quite sure what put it there.

Phil let go of his cock, leaning down and kissing his lips softly before letting his entire body weight rest on top of Dan, head buried in his neck.

“When we do… things like this, you’re not allowed to think about anything but me,” he said, and the tone of his voice was unreadable, making Dan’s chest tight.

“Okay,” he said, hand reaching up to push Phil’s hair back, kissing his forehead.

Phil nuzzled deeper into his skin, hands reaching up to tangle in Dan’s hair. “I’m serious. I had enough of being a second choice. Enough for a lifetime.” He said, voice quiet and timid. “When we’re like this, together, I need you to choose me and only me, and I need you to tell me when you can’t.”

Dan’s entire body ached, and he wanted, desperately, to give Phil everything he wanted, everything he deserved. To never let doubt and uncertainty seep into his voice ever gain.

“Okay,” he said again.

Phil lifted his head, eyes searching Dan’s, and when he couldn’t find any dishonesty in them, something about his face softened again. “I trust you,” he said, and nothing Phil ever said to him before felt as significant as those 3 words felt at that moment.

Phil leaned down to kiss him, soft and slow, before kissing his way down his body again and settling between Dan’s legs on his front. But this time, he didn’t stop at his stomach, kissing down until he reached the tip of Dan’s cock, giving the head a small lick.

Dan’s hips bucked up from the sudden pleasure, a small moan escaping his lips.

Phil put both his hands flat on Dan’s thighs, holding him down. “I have a pretty strong gag reflex, so I need to go slowly, sorry,” he said, a little sheepish, looking up at Dan.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll be good,” Dan said, and felt the warmth in his chest trying to burst out of his body when Phil smiled at him, leaning down to kiss his inner thigh in approval.

When Phil’s mouth found its way back to Dan’s cock, Dan was prepared, stopping himself from thrusting up into the warm feeling.

He wrapped his lips around the head, tongue dipping inside Dan’s foreskin, fingers wrapping around the rest of him, moving and twisting. He sank down slowly, breathing heavily through his nose, sucking and moving his tongue experimentally.

And maybe it was because it had been so long since the last time Dan was in this position, but Phil’s mouth felt so good, and he felt himself getting aroused embarrassingly quickly, letting out deep noises of satisfaction.

Phil pulled up to take a breath, replacing his mouth with his hand. “Can you maybe… talk to me? I feel better when I hear your voice.” Phil said quietly, resting his head on Dan’s hip in embarrassment.

Dan felt some of the blood rush back to his face, and he was pretty sure he was as red as a tomato. “Yeah, that’s… sure,” he said eloquently, feeling Phil press his lips to his hip.

“Also, play with my hair please,” Phil added quickly, not letting Dan respond before sinking back down on his cock and making Dan let out a loud moan.

“Shit, Phil,” Dan said, his hands reaching down as requested, tangling in Phil’s hair. “You feel really good,” he added, feeling Phil hum in appreciation.

Phil started bobbing his head in earnest, hands working on the parts he couldn’t reach. And the sight of it alone (Phil’s concentrated face, his pink lips stretched around him, his blue eyes watering a little), was making Dan feel already pretty close to the edge only after a few short minutes.

“You’re so good like this Phil, so good,” He said, his mind a bit hazy but not missing the whine his words caused Phil to make. Not missing the way Phil’s hips started to move against the mattress. Not missing the way he sped up his actions.

And, fuck, the realization that Phil liked that, liked hearing how good he was, how good he made Dan feel, got off on it even, made Dan feel ridiculously close.

“I’m close,” he warned, tugging a bit on Phil’s hair.

Phil kept his movement for a few more seconds before pulling away and letting his hands take over, one gripping Dan’s cock, moving up and down and one reaching below to tug on his balls.

And that all it took, apparently, to push Dan over the edge with a soft cry, feeling waves of pleasure spread from his abdomen to the tips of his toes, body arching from the mattress.

Phil worked him through it, letting go only when Dan started to flinch from his touch, laughing a little and covering his face, rolling to his side. “That was… really good,” Dan said when he composed himself, letting his hands drop and looking up at Phil’s pleased face.

“Really?” Phil asked, but Dan could see the little smug smile on his lips beneath the innocent act.

“Yes,” he said, not wasting time and sitting up suddenly, tugging on Phil’s shirt. “Get this off, it’s your turn.”

At that moment, despite feeling quite spent, there was nothing Dan wanted more than to make Phil feel just as good as Dan was feeling. To do anything he could to make Phil fall apart under his touch.

Phil obliged with a soft giggle, letting Dan pull off his shirt over his head (ignoring the buttons), getting up to pull down his jeans and pants unceremoniously before settling back down next to Dan, cheeks pink and cock half hard.

“Tell me what you want,” Dan said, hands finding their way to Phil’s sides, squeezing the soft flesh.

“Sit against the headboard please,” Phil asked, a little shy, and Dan kissed him softly before complying.

Phil crawled to him, his pale skin flushed a lovely pink from his cheeks to his chest, settling himself down on Dan’s lap, arms wrapping around Dan’s neck, cock pressed against Dan’s stomach, burying his face in Dan’s shoulder and breathing in.

“It feels best to me like this, when we’re close,” he said sheepishly, and Dan felt his chest getting warmer again at his words.

“I like it too,” he said, pulling on Phil’s shoulders to get him to sit up, leaning to kiss him deep and slow, wanting to get the sensual atmosphere back.

Phil kissed back, pressing himself as close as possible to Dan’s body, cock thrusting a bit against Dan’s lower stomach. Dan’s cock gave a small pitiful twitch of interest, but hadn’t managed to do much else only a few minute after his orgasm.

Besides, Dan though, it was for the best. He wanted to focus all his attention on Phil right now, wanted to make sure Phil felt as best as he could.

He pulled back from Phil’s lips, kissing down his jaw to his neck sucking lightly near Phil’s Adam’s apple, earning a soft whine.

“Touch my nipples. They are, uh, sensitive,” Phil said, his voice trembling a little.

Dan followed the instructions, wiggling his hands between their bodies and pressing his thumbs to both of Phil’s nipples, circling the nubs gently.

The reaction was immediate, almost alarmingly so, taking Dan by surprise. Phil let out a high pitched whine, cock grinding against Dan, getting harder, face falling back to Dan’s neck, breathing harshly.

“You weren’t kidding,” Dan tried to tease, but his own voice was breathless, excited. He repeated the action, following it by pinching one of Phil’s nipples lightly, making him whine again, but pull away from the touch.

“Too much,” he mumbled, kissing Dan’s neck softly where his lips rested.

Dan rubbed the skin in apology for a few moments before moving on from his nipples, letting his fingers skim up and down Phil’s sides, studying every curve, feeling the way his fingers left a trail of goosebumps after them wherever they touched.

“Your skin is so soft,” Dan said without thinking, feeling himself flush a little when he realized he said it out loud.

Phil giggled, kissing his neck again, “I moisturize,” he said for the second time that night.

Dan let one of his hands sneak back between their bodies then, moving down Phil’s stomach until he reached what he was looking for, taking a hold of Phil’s cock in his hands and squeezing, thumb swiping against the slit. Phil’s hips jerked up at that, his hold on Dan’s neck became tighter, nose nuzzling deeper into his skin.

“Tell me what feels good,” Dan said, starting to work Phil’s cock, trying to find a rhythm that worked for Phil.

The position was a little awkward, with their bodies pressed so close together, but Phil didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, every time Dan did something particularly right, Phil only pressed closer, leaning more of his weight against Dan, trying to muffle his loud moans against Dan’s skin.

He was thrusting his hips in time with Dan’s movements, clinging and kissing and occasionally biting Dan’s shoulders, pulling a little on the hairs on the back of Dan’s head.

“Wait, can you…” Phil trailed off, straightening up a bit. Dan stilled his motion, hand still on Phil’s cock, waiting to see what Phil wanted him to do.

Phil took a hold of Dan’s other hand, bringing it to his mouth and, much to Dan’s surprise, took one of Dan’s fingers into his mouth, lapping it with his wet tongue.

Phil was blushing dark pink, but kept his eyes locked with Dan’s when he took his finger out of his mouth, tugging on his hand and bringing it down and behind him, pressing the wet finger to his hole. Dan thought he might die right at that moment, just like that, going by the way his heart was racing in his chest.

“Can you…? Just the tip, just a little,” he said, and Dan just nodded, because he didn’t think he could actually speak at that moment.

Dan pressed gently, just a little, like Phil asked, feeling a soft heat engulfing his finger.

Phil let out a loud breath, his face dropping back down to Dan’s neck, kissing it again in appreciation.

Dan resumed the movements of his other hand again, feeling the way pre cum was leaking out of Phil’s cock, spreading it down his length. He moved his finger in and out gently, remembering that they didn’t actually used any lube, not going deeper than the first knuckle.

It seemed, though, that it was more than enough for Phil, and he was letting a stream of muffled noises, pushing his body down against Dan’s finger and up towards Dan’s hand.

Dan, trying to maximize Phil’s pleasure, reached to rub the skin of Phil’s rim with his thumb, right next to his finger, making Phil let out a surprised “oh!” and suddenly release over Dan’s hand and between their bodies, breathing harshly.

Dan drew his finger back when Phil was done, as well as his hand, wiping it on Phil’s sheets and winding his arms around Phil’s spent body, holding him close and kissing the top of his head.

It took a few minutes for Phil’s breathing to slow down back to normal, but Dan honestly didn’t mind. He let himself bask in that moment, let himself cling back just as hard as Phil, let himself feel the mutual adoration and marvel at the way Phil’s pliant body was leaning on him completely for support.

“You’re like, the best person in the world,” Phil said when he composed himself, and Dan could do nothing but laugh, happy, taking in a big breath, his arms and nose and mind filled with nothing else but Phil Phil Phil.

Notes:

i was really nervous for this chapter, so i hope you liked it!! please tell me your thoughts, as those always make my day :')

#phan #phanfiction #university!au #chaptered #chapter 13 #strangers to lovers #phantasticlizzyfics

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jestbee · 7 years ago

Text

Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Seventeen)

Title: Ships that Pass in the Night (Chapter Sixteen)

Tags: Alternate Timeline, AU, Slow burn, strangers to friends, friends to lovers Words: 5k Summary: Dan and Phil are YouTubers. The catch? They’ve never met, and Phil doesn’t want them to

Author’s Note: So this could be the final chapter. The story is pretty much wrapped up but I'm going to do a final epilogue chapter with a little smut and some general fluffy bits set a little ways in the future, but if that isn't your thing you don't need to read it in order to get the story. It won't have any more like 'plot' points. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for voting for this in the 'Universe Augmentation' Phanfic Award 2017 that it won!!

[AO3 Link] [Tumblr Masterpost]

He rings his mum on the way back. He feels more awake than he has done for a while and he still has all of the Charlie stuff in his head which means there are now so many things he needs to do, so many things he needs to face up to that he might not be ready for. The least he can do is keep his promise to call.

"Child," she says, customarily.

"Hi mum."

"You sound like you're outside, are you outside?"

"I'm on my way back from seeing PJ," he says, "I told you I would."

There's a clinking sound on the other end and he can imagine her sat at their kitchen table with a warm mug in her hands. He suddenly has a pang of homesickness he wasn't ready for. At times like these it would be nice to have his mum, to give her a hug and make everything else go away like he had when he was little. But his mum can't fight his battles for him anymore, she can't stand up against the demons in his own head, only he can do that.

"Oh Phil. I'm glad."

He hums into the phone and pauses at the top of the stairs to the underground because he'll lose signal if he goes down.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" She asks. Always so careful, always tiptoeing around the conversation. He hates that she needs to do that.

He sighs, mostly to himself.

"It's… complicated."

"Of course it is. I wouldn't expect you to get mixed up over something that wasn't. I know you have… you feel things strongly, but you're not one for getting worked up over nothing."

He bites his bottom lip because that makes something heavy rise in his throat.

"Thanks mum."

"Are you sure you don't want to come home?"

"No… no I think I need to talk to… well, to Dan."

"Dan."

"Yes."

"I see…" she pauses, just for a second, but he hears it. "Well it's good you have a friend."

"Mum."

She knows better than that. She must. But she's giving him room for denial, which is nice. But also another one of those things he wishes she didn't have to do.

She hums down the phone. "I know love, just… be careful."

"I am."

Be careful he isn't the same. Be careful you don't react the same way. Be careful. Be careful. He's been careful, perhaps too careful given how things have worked out. Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith. Like replying to a tweet, or grabbing a coffee, or saying yes to a project. If he doesn't, if he keeps playing it safe and secluded over and over he'll look back and he and Dan will have passed by each other. Like ships that pass in the night he will be merely a story of something that once happened to Phil a long time ago. And Phil isn't sure he wants go settle for that anymore.

"I've got to go," he says, "I…"

"Do what you have to, love."

He says goodbye and finally hangs up. He heads into the underground, shoulders squared and feeling lighter than he has in days. He has hope, buoyant and beautiful hope.

The idea comes to him when he's finally checking his emails. There's one from a radio producer at the BBC finalising his booking to appear on the radio show. Dan's radio show.

It isn't ideal, and of course he doesn't expect everything to be fixed at Dan's workplace but it's a first step. A show of willing.

He responds with his confirmation and that's that.

The BBC building is all glass. It reflects the sun and the revolving door moves too fast so that he almost gets stuck in it but the lobby is cool and echoing and the visitor badge around his neck makes him feel a little important.

He's amazed that the nerves don't get to him until he's in the lift. He's been riding the adrenaline before this, but it wears out once he follows the girl with the short spiky ponytail down the corridor. They go through a room filled with mismatched sofas and then a sound room with amps he recognises as the live lounge and then they're there. In front of a desk that has hundreds of buttons and dials and lights, engineers in headphones moving them in unison and then--

Dan. On the other side. Head dipped low over his laptop, fringe swinging into his eyes. It takes everything in Phil not to rush through the people, pole vault over the complicated desk, stand amidst the strange array of drawings and posters and celebrity face masks and say-- what?

Something Phil. Think. How has he got this far without knowing what he's going to say?

"Howell," the woman is saying. "Your guest is here."

Dan looks up, slightly confused for a second before their eyes lock. Phil sees the back of his jaw clench, the way his lips purse slightly throwing an annoyed dimple into relief on his cheek.

"Thanks Ros," he says. "I've got it."

Dan comes around the desk. Expertly dodging cables Phil knows he's going to trip on and finally they're face to face. He doesn't look mad, he doesn't look much of anything. His face, the one Phil has grown to know so well, is shockingly blank.

"I didn't think you'd come," Dan says.

"I... " Phil starts, but he still has no idea what to say.

"Come on," Dan says, moving past him but making sure they don't touch. Phil aches. "We've got a half hour, I know where we can get… snacks."

He doesn't say coffee. Phil doesn't get coffee with Dan anymore. That makes him much sadder than it has any right to for something so small.

If he's going to feel this way about anything it should be the way Dan avoids his eyes, or how they walk with a considerable distance between them in the corridors. How everything is different. How much he misses how it used to be. How he doesn't know how to bring up everything that's happened. Where does he even start?

Dan brings them to a vending machine tucked into the corner of a dim grey room, a sofa shoved against a wall and a table with music magazines spread on top of it. There's a coffee machine and a sink but the room looks less polished and modern than the rest of the building.

Dan faces the vending machine and looks at it with a knot in the middle of his brows. His eyes are hard and Phil thinks that the expression is probably for him, rather than the snacks within.

"So… how have you been?"

Dan cocks his head and doesn't meet his eyes. "Fine."

"Good. That's… good.

Phil swallows and feels his tongue thick and cumbersome in his mouth, he can barely speak around how dry his lips feel, how alien the sounds fit behind his teeth.

"I didn't think you'd come," Dan says.

He sounds sad. Phil hates that he sounds sad.

"I… wanted to." it's all he can think to say. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Ha!"

"What?"

"Now you want to talk?" Dan turns, shifting on his heel until he's facing Phil. He looks mad. "You don't just get to pick and choose when you want to talk to me and when you don't. I deserve better than that."

Phil looks down at his shoes, fighting the urge to run away and escape the conversation. He needs to stay, he needs to get some of this out or it will eat at him.

"I know," he says to his Vans, "You do. I just… I didn't--"

He stops, because despite everything he still doesn't know where to start.

Dan sighs and Phil can hear the frustration in it.

"I spoke to Tyler. And Cat. They told me what they said…"

Phil looks up and Dan is staring at him hard.

"You know it's all bullshit, right? They said some shit to me about you ages ago, when I wouldn't stop going on about you." Dan looks sheepish at this. "It was just some dumb joke about hooking up with you for views and… honestly, it never really crossed my mind afterwards. I forgot they even said it once I actually... I should have told them to fuck off when they said it but it was so ludicrous to me that I would even meet you that I… you know… just forgot."

Phil nods, quick and jerky.

"Okay, yeah, I'm stupid I didn't… I'm not sure I ever really…" he lets his shoulders drop from where they've been drawn up, letting the relief flood through him.

He'd pretty much decided that in light of everything that Dan has said to Charlie, how he defended him to his own detriment, that even if Dan had started out wanting to spend time with him for some sort of popularity gain, his feelings must have changed a little. Despite that, it's still nice to hear Dan say out loud that it wasn't like that at all. And Phil can let himself believe it, for once.

"You were right," he says finally, "I was just scared. I don't think I ever really believed it."

Dan bites his bottom lip, chewing a bit on it, the pink flesh turning white. "Last time we spoke you were convinced. What changed your mind, Phil? Why are you here?"

Phil blows out air, makes space for what comes next in his body, like deflating.

"I think I owe you an explanation. For… well, for everything."

Dan's brows lift a little at that, like he's surprised.

"I know," Phil says, forcing a bit of a laugh overtop of his awkwardness, "I don't… I'm not good at doing that. But I want to be… when it comes to you. With you I want to be better."

Dan nods, just once and then beckons him to follow as he makes his way over to the small, beat up couch. He flops down onto it and Phil follows suit, perching on the opposite cushion, suspended and uncomfortable.

"Take your time," Dan says, with far more patience than he has any right to have at this moment.

Phil shakes his head, he had no idea how Dan is like this, how he isn't screaming at Phil to just get on with it. But there he is, all restrained and not pushing him, sitting, waiting, calm and collected. It makes everything crazily zipping around Phil's chest calm, like a flock of birds haphazardly flapping come to a stop, settling in rows.

"So… PJ showed me… um, the things. On Twitter."

"On Twitter?"

Phil nods a little. "Hm, Ch-charlie. The… stuff he's been saying."

"Oh." Dan's mouth purses a little, going tight at the corners. His nostril flare, just ever so slightly. He doesn't look happy. "I didn't realise you didn't know about that."

"I blocked him ages ago."

Phil puts one hand in the other in his lap, squeezing fingers around his palm. He fidgets, nervously. This is difficult, moreso than he'd thought it would be.

"I… I'm not used to talking about this," he says, "I haven't. Not since…"

Dan reaches over and Phil watches his slide his fingers overtop of his, stilling them where he's squeezing over and over. Phil marvels at him, he has every right to stay mad at him, but here he is offering comfort like he always does.

"You don't have to," he whispers.

"I do," Phil insists, not knowing what to do with all of Dan's wonderful patience. "I do. I... "

Phil shifts, turns in his seat until his body is angled towards Dan's. Dan doesn't move his hand, just slips his fingers between Phil's so that they're holding hands. It's a small thing, but it's enough to ground him.

"I had anxiety issues long before I met him," he starts, "I won't credit him with being the be-all-and-end-all of my issues. He doesn't get to claim that."

Dan swipes his thumb over Phil's knuckles. Phil looks down, stunned by the small gesture against his skin, focussing on that instead of on the way his hand is shaking under Dan's palm.

"But I thought I’d found someone who loved me in spite of those issues," Phil croaks, his voice cracking over the words, caught around something in his throat pushing upwards."I thought… It's so stupid, I thought he realised they were a part of me and loved me anyway. But… that's not… he didn't. It's too much. I can understand why."

"I can't," Dan says, "I can't understand that at all. You are not your issues, Phil, but they are a part of who you are. You don't need to be loved in spite of them, you should be loved because of them, including them, because you feel things deeply doesn't mean you're damaged."

Phil looks up, into Dan's serious, sincere expression and he wants to tell him just how much that means, what it is to have someone like Dan telling him these things. How desperately he wants to believe them but how that tiny voice in his head reminds him that they can't possibly be true, or that Dan means them now but won't once he finally sees… once he knows the full extent.

"I think if I’d had someone say that back then… Or had someone who asked me how I am before going into parties or acknowledging when my head gets loud… things might have ended up differently."

"I wish I'd known you then."

Phil closes his eyes and concentrates on Dan's thumb going back and forth over his hand.

"Me too."

"I did…" Dan says, "A bit. I was… well, I was watching your videos at least."

Phil sighs, a little groan escaping him as he thinks of what Dan must have seen, of how it all went down out there in public. How can Dan be sat here now if he saw everything?

"You…"

"I'd like to hear your side of it," Dan says, guessing what it is that is tormenting him. "I never… there was always more to it."

"There was." Phil's voice is tiny, shoved inside of him in that place where he keeps everything. It's cracking open, like something pressured finally released. "He played my insecurities. He… He knew. I told him what I felt like sometimes and he used that to keep me secluded and in the dark about everything that was going on. He said he was trying to push me, to get me to face up to things, but he just didn’t care."

"He was always so... "

"Public," Phil supplies. "Everything was out in the open, and I was just never… comfortable with that. I want to keep it between us, it was personal, you know? Our relationship. But he was so intent on...parading it everywhere."

"I think we all know why."

Phil nods. "Exactly. He used me, Dan. He put our relationship everywhere so that he could be associated with me. I wasn't even… I didn't have like, loads of subscribers then but… YouTube was different. I knew alot of people, we were friends… Charlie never really fit in with all of that. I think there are some people that just shouldn't be online, like in the public space… he's one of them. But he wanted it so much, more than anything else, and he used me to... to…"

Dan slides a little, shuffling up next to him, pressing their hips together. Their hands are still clasped but he's close now. So close Phil can smell the scent of his cologne.

"I just wanted to keep it private," Phil says again, "I didn't know… I was confused. About like, boys and not being straight and navigating the whole… comment section wanting to know my business. You know? But he… he didn't want that."

"Phil…"

"He wanted me to be different," Phil says, his voice a little thick but he's holding on. The warmth from Dan is helping, the rhythmic back and forth of his thumb on his knuckles and the press of his body against his side. This is comfort. This is what he's needed. It hurts, to let it out, to put forth something he's been keeping hidden for all this time. Fear that he wouldn't be understood. "When I didn't want to go along with it, when I had… bad days He thought I could just snap out of it and when I couldn’t he decided I wasn’t worth it, even if it did mean good things for his channel. In the end… he got what he wanted and then moved on."

"I remember… it was just as I started YouTube," Dan says, "I'd been tweeting you alot by then."

Phil nods. "I know that now. I wish… God I wish it had been different. That I'd have seen that or something. But… there was a lot of other stuff going on. I might have seen it, I like to think I'd have seen it. If... you know, everything else hadn't been happening"

"You split up with him."

"Did I?" Phil asks, "That definitely the way he tells it. He spun the story of the victim, like I’d strung him along and was some pompous stuck up big youtuber that hated everyone. He made out like he was the one that had wanted to keep it quiet, but that I'd wanted to… that I made him put it all out in the open. I can't even remember anymore, whether it was me or him. I like to think I did do it, that I did finally break free… but I don't really know."

Phil runs a hand through his hair, dragged his fingers out from between Dan's and standing up. He paces, back and forth in front of the couch, needing to move, to work of some of the rising shake he can feel. It rattles in his chest, his heart beating, pulse pounding in his ears.

"He honestly made it seem like he was the victim, the things he said… the… it was... " he breath in, quick and hard and he squeezes his eyes shuts because he's starting to panic. He can feel it. He has to do this, he has to push through.

Dan rises to his feet, catches his as he walks by, pulling and tugging until Phil is cradled against his chest. His face buried in Dan's shoulder, Dan's large hand smoothing up and down his back.

He feels pathetic. It's just a breakup, something people go through every day. But he knows that his anxiety means his reacts differently, he's heard people tell him time and time again that his reaction is valid. Because Charlie had essentially fucked with his entire career, his whole life, all of his friends. So many of them believed him, he lost a lot of people. But it's hard for Phil to rationalise that when he's feeling small and silly and like he's overacting even though he can't help the way his breath comes in spurts, all bound up in his lungs, sporadic and laboured.

"It's okay…" he says, low in his ear. "I've got you. I know… I saw… it's okay. It's over."

"It was easier to go along with it," Phil sobs, "because then at least I wouldn’t get hurt. At least then… by then I just wanted it over. I didn't want YouTube or anything. It was a really… a really…"

"Shhh," Dan soothes. He flutters a hand to Phil's cheek, lifting to press their foreheads together. "It's okay."

"It was a bad time. I… didn't come out of it very well."

"You disappeared," Dan says. "For a little while."

Phil reaches out, folds his arms around Dan's waist and pulls him close, liking the nearness of him, the familiar shape of him, when he feels like this. His heartbeat is slowing, a little, bit by bit.

"I wanted to quit completely. Some stuff… happened."

"Do you want to…"

"Yes," Phil insists. "I want to tell you all of it. I don't want anything… all of it. I need you to know."

Dan pauses, runs his thumb across Phil's cheekbone. "Can I kiss you? I want to… but not if you're… I don't want to make it worse."

Phil nods, leans forward, bring their mouths together. It's fleeting, a tiny fluttery thing across Phil's lips. He feels himself reset a little. Dan isn't magic, he can't kiss away Phil's panic attack but it does give Phil something to focus on, and it's reassuring to know that Dan is still here. After all of this, after hearing most of it, he's still here.

"When you're ready," Dan says.

"I just… it was stupid. It sounds a lot worse than it was." He pulls away a little bit, needing space to tell his story. Dan lets him go. "I just had some bad days right after. I tried to stay off Twitter and away from what everyone was saying but… it was harder than I thought it would be. I just… went to bed. Honestly, that's all it was I was just so tired of everything, it felt like the world was too bright and too loud and wherever I went there was just… noise. People attacking me. So I went to bed. For about a week."

Dan nods, clearly a little perplexed.

"I didn't eat," Phil clarifies, "I barely drank water I got… I went to bed but I didn't sleep. I was dehydrated and exhausted and having a kind of extended panic attack. Eventually my parents got too worried and ended up taking me to A & E. I guess I was pretty out of it because they admitted me, just a for a little bit while they gave me some fluids and stuff. I wasn't like… crazy or suicidal or… you know, I was… lucky. But it wasn't… good."

"Phil…" Dan says, reaching for him again before deciding not to. "Sorry. God, I'm so sorry that happened to you… I… it's so stupid but I wish I'd been around to… Have you been… since we… I mean... "

"A bit," Phil nods. He isn't going to lie to Dan now. "But I have… while I was at the hospital they had people I talked to. I learned, some stuff. I'm not always the best at remembering but I have… like PJ and my mum and stuff. They know. So they're good about…"

"Would… Could I…" Dan tips his head a little to the side, "I want to help. I want to be there for you like that."

"You're already really great at it," Phil says, "You don't need to do any more than you already do. I don't want to be like a… full time job for people. I don't want you to be... "

"I want to," Dan says, simply.

Phil just looks at him for a moment, shaking his head. "Where did you come from Dan Howell?"

Dan smiles, a bit, Phil watches it unfolding on his face the way that it does, lighting it up until he's glowing.

"Nowhere special."

Phil can't believe that.

"I was… after the hospital I had all these systems in place to function. They weren't the healthiest and I'm sure the people I talked to there wouldn't have recommended them as they mostly entailed keeping everyone and everything at arm's length but… it meant I could rejoin the world a little bit. I could exist in it anyway. I could make videos and talk to my audience, as long as it was all on my terms, as long as I didn't interact too much."

Phil shrugs a tiny smile of his own appearing. He feels a little lighter, and his heart rate is back to normal. He can feel it all like a weight lifted off his chest, he can breathe again.

"Then you came along. And… I couldn't… I tried. God, I tried. But you were something else, Dan. I couldn't help myself. It just got, messy. Because I didn't… I still don't… know how to deal with all of this like a grown up. I'm not… equipped to deal with how I feel about you."

"And how do you feel about me?" Dan asks.

"Dan…"

"It was real, Phil. I don't care what Charlie says, or what the stupid voice in your head has to say. It was real."

"I know. I was happy."

"Me too. You have no idea how happy I was. Can't we just be happy, Phil? Please?"

He wishes it were that simple. He wishes they could just draw a line under everything and go back to how things were before, but it would never be that easy. It can't be.

"There will always be Twitter, and viewers, and people shipping. I'm never going to want to put it all out there, I'm always going to want to… hide."

Dan shakes his head and for a terrifying moment Phil knows that this is it, this is the moment that Dan walks away. He wouldn't blame him.

"Phil, I'll never fucking Tweet again if that's what you want. You think any of that matters to me more than you do?"

"Don't be absurd."

"Okay, okay. That's extreme… but the sentiment is the same. Phil… I don't want people all up in my business either. If you don't want me to mention you at all, or if as far as the world is concerned we're just best friends, then that's fine with me. I mean, if that was all you actually ever wanted from me, I'd be fine with that too. I just care about you. Alot. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," Phil says, "And I don't want you to have to like, lie. I just… If we were going to… I want to keep it to us."

"I understand that, and I… I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"I'm probably never going to be okay," Phil warns, "I'll always be… like this."

"Phil," Dan moves towards him, folding his arms around Phil's waist and pulling him close once again. He's been in and out of Dan's space today but he slides his hands up Dan's arms, over the curve of his bicep and on to his shoulders. He feels settled here, safe. "I don't want you to be anyone you're not. I only… I mean, I just hope that you talk to me. Just… I want to be there for you."

"And if it gets too much for you?"

Dan shakes his head. "I promise I'll talk to you too. I'll tell you when I need space, and you tell me when you need help, or you need space too. Can… I don't want to push you. I really want this to work. But I think… it'll probably only work if we actually talk to each other about this stuff. Not talking is what got us in trouble in the first place. Can you do that? Do you think it's… is that okay?"

It's scary. The prospect of staying this open. Of leaving this place and not closing down that piece of him again, not crawling in to his bed and saying goodbye to world, but remaining a part of it. This is what it means, to care for someone the way he does Dan, to let them in, to be vulnerable. Dan's eyes are warm and they don't demand an answer, Phil knows he could step out of Dan's arms right now and Dan would let him go. He doesn't want to.

"It's okay,I can do that." Phil says. "You know… no one has wanted me for me before."

"I do," Dan say.

"Yeah," Phil nods, "I think… I know. I believe it."

He huffs out a laugh, incredulous at himself. He does. He really believes it.

"I want you too," he says to Dan. "Let's just be happy."

"Okay," Dan smiles and leans in, only half way, waiting for Phil. "Let's be happy."

Phil lets the world shift a bit to accommodate the new way of things, feels the himself smile and lean in, meeting him in the middle.

Dan's lips are soft and welcoming. Phil sighs into his mouth and Dan lets his tongue flick out against the join of his lips. He parts to let him in, tipping his head and moving closer, lifting a hand up to the back of Dan's neck, holding him there. He can feel the way Dan's hand presses against the base of his spine, the warmth of his broad palm seeping through his shirt.

There is a vibration on Phil's hip and they part, Dan laughing.

"Shit," he says, "It's my phone."

"Anyone important?"

"Fuck, Phil! The show! We forgot about the show."

Phil's eyes go wide. He'd been so busy baring his soul that he'd forgotten they were there to do the radio show.

"We have to get upstairs, I mean we have time but they're… we have to go now. I'm sorry."

Phil laughs, "That's okay."

"Will you… after the show. Come back to mine?"

Phil nods. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"I'm glad I met you," Dan says, moving toward the door. "You know, finally. It was getting a little ridiculous that we kept nearly-meeting."

Phil follows him out of the door. "I'm glad too," he says, "but… what if we hadn't?"

Dan holds his hand out and Phil doesn't hesitate to take it, slipping his fingers in between Dan's as they walk the halls. He does drop it as they enter the studio, but they share a warm fond look as he does and Phil knows Dan is okay with him wanting to keep it just to them. He won't push Phil past the point that he's comfortable with. He doesn't know if it will always be that way, but it's what he needs for now.

"I wouldn't have let that happen," Dan says as they get ready to go on air, "I'd have met you eventually."

"Yeah?" Phil says, "We wouldn't just have been ships passing in the night forever?"

"Definitely not," Dan says, "It would have happened. At some point."

And somehow, Phil believes him.

#phanfic #phanfic au #phan #dnp #dan and phil #phanfiction #my fics #fanfic #fanfiction #ships that pass in the night

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thatsthepan · 7 years ago

Text

The Bad Days Won’t Stay

Summary: Dan’s a lot happier, and everyone knows it. But that doesn’t mean he’s “cured”. Depression doesn’t just disappear like magic, and sometimes, we just have those days.

Word Count: 2473

Warnings: mentions of depression, mostly fluff/positivity/affirmations though

Notes: I loved writing this (and having inspiration and motivation again), not to mention it struck real close to home. So merry Christmas, happy holidays, and happy weekend to everyone out there-here’s something to read while you’re bored or just chillin! Enjoy:)

Dan

I woke up with the oppressing thought of “great, life is shit again” to start my weekend off. For some reason, weekends were always worse for me. I didn’t keep busy, I didn’t have anywhere to go, no expectations set upon me to keep me motivated to function as a person-and so here I was.

First of all, I was cold as fuck. Particularly my hands, nose, and feet, which were all poking out from under my duvet and were exposed to the harshness that was our subarctic flat. But I didn’t really care enough to move, so I just mildly groaned and wished for death.

I really did hate these days. You see, when I’d had these days every day, it was like I didn’t even notice. I didn’t know what “good” or “normal” or “better” felt like. I was always miserable, all the time, and so that became my constant state of existence. I’d wake up and think, “ah, yes, the feeling of meaninglessness and impending doom is still here, which means I am, unfortunately, still alive.”

Now, however, since I had finally gotten the help I needed and started an actual road to recovery (which never ended but was better, was so much better), I could definitively say I loathed these “bad days”. They reminded me of my old normal, and I didn’t want that back. Ever. But I was stuck in a rut for now, and my nose was cold, and there wasn’t much I could make myself care to do.

Except text Phil.

Calling him or yelling for him was way too much effort, but I shot off a simple text, pulled my blanket over my head, and sighed. It was going to be a long, difficult day.

Phil

The only reason I woke up was because my phone dinged. It was ten in the morning on a Saturday, so the only reason anyone would be texting me was if it were snowing!

Or so I thought.

Dan had only texted me “sos”, which we had decided, a long few months ago, he would only do if he were in a bad place and needed me. So I immediately went to his room, tapped three times on the door, and walked in.

I’d expected him to be on the floor, like the old days, so I was at least relieved that he was buried under his blankets on his bed this time. I sat beside him, not doing anything at first. I knew Dan, had known him for a long time now, and had discussions before about what to do in these situations.

“Bad day,” he finally mumbled, no inflection in his voice at all from under the mountain of blankets. I made a sound of understanding, since he couldn’t see me nod.

“What do you need?” I asked gently, not touching him yet. We’d both learned that Dan would ask for comfort on a bad day, but that being overly aggressive wasn’t the way to go. Too much sensory overload.

Dan was silent for a long time. “I want to watch you cook.”

So we did that. I went to get things set up in the kitchen, and Dan followed me out a few minutes later, in pajama pants and a big sweatshirt. He sat on the counter, knees pulled up to his chest, as I quietly hummed songs while I cooked pancakes. His eyes followed me the whole time, lacking their usual shine, but I smiled brightly at him whenever I met his gaze.

The pancakes turned out pretty good, in my opinion, but I hadn’t made that many because I knew Dan wouldn’t eat that much. He picked at the middle part, not bothering with syrup, but managed to eat at least half. I knew he mostly did it for me, and I appreciated it.

I lifted my eyebrows at him when we were done, silently asking him what he wanted to do next. He sighed. “I dunno,” he mumbled, shrugging. “Pick a game or something, I’ll watch.”

I smiled a little, offering him my hand as we walked into the lounge. He took it, holding onto it tightly as I clicked through our game uploads on the PS4.

“Crash Bandicoot?” I asked.

“Resident Evil,” he replied, letting go of my hand so I could play, but grabbing a blanket off the back of the sofa and shifting closer to me.

I played for an hour or so, jumping every so often and glancing at Dan, who’d smile slightly as I did. He had his head positioned on me to where he could hear and feel my heart speed up, and he’d chuckle silently when it did. I was glad I was making him feel something, even if it was just a little. I wanted to do whatever I could for Dan during these times; it wasn’t much, but we could both say it was something.

I hadn’t realized Dan had dozed off until I jumped again, startling him awake. I chuckled, going to apologize, but the look on his face stopped me.

“I’m going to go shower,” he snapped, shoving off the blanket and whipping the door of the lounge open, letting the glass bang shut behind him. I winced-I forgot Dan’s irritability got worse on these days, as well. So much for being a good boyfriend.

And then I remembered there were no towels in the bathroom, and got an idea. I went to the washer, grabbing a towel out of the pile of Dan’s dark clothes that were currently in it, and tossed it in the dryer, turning it on high so it would be warm when he got out.

The timer had just gone off when Dan yelled for me, still sounding pissed. I grabbed the towel, smiling when I handed it to Dan, who looked surprised at its warmth. “Did you-?” he asked, his face softening.

I smiled, nodding. “Wanna take a nap when you get out?”

He actually smiled back. “Yeah.”

Dan

I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time before I went to lay down with Phil. You’re shit for being mean to him, I thought. He didn’t deserve that. He played that stupid game for you. It’s your fault you fell asleep. You shouldn’t have gotten mad at him. He didn’t have to bring you a warm towel, but he did, to make you feel better, because you’re being a dick for no reason. So stop it, get ahold of yourself. You’re shit. He doesn’t deserve this treatment. You don’t deserve him.

Ah, yes, the self-loathing will get to you, if you’re not careful. I wasn’t careful, not on bad days. Nope. I let a few tears fall, wiped them away with the still-warm towel from Phil, fixed my hair a bit, and went to find him. I wasn’t going to be a little bitch in front of Phil today, if I could help it. It was only a bad day, not a really bad day-I could do this.

I found him in his room. We still had separate rooms for our things, and alternated where we slept (even though we mostly chose my room). Everything just felt soft and familiar in Phil’s room, especially the bedspread. I climbed under it with him, still freezing, and rolled over so as to try and hide my splotchy face. Phil was onto me instantly.

“Hey,” he said softly, propping himself up on one arm. I faced him, raising an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He didn’t believe me. I decided to try the distracting method, which was low but I figured could be effective. I started out by just kissing him, but when I moved to his chest, I felt his hands stop me. I looked up, asking what the problem was.

Phil was smiling softly, but his eyes said really? Honestly, I was asking myself the same thing. Like that would have ever worked.

“Bear, I think you should try to sleep.”

I sighed, giving in and rolling back over. Between my overall exhaustion and Phil rubbing small circles on my back, I was out in minutes.

Phil

I wish I knew how to help. As I felt Dan’s breathing slow, I felt myself fully relax, able to finally think he’s okay. At least for the moment. He hadn’t been okay, not last night, not all morning, and not in the bathroom just a few minutes ago. He could try to hide it all he liked, but I could see right through his mask, the walls he put up, everything. The tears were fresh on his face, his eyes too-bright and his face too hot for how cold he was, and everything was just off.

I wished Dan didn’t have to feel like this. It wasn’t fair, that some people had to go through life with different sets of problems while others got off better. I was one of the luckier ones; Dan not so much. I had mild social anxiety; Dan had major depressive disorder. It just wasn’t fair, and I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me angry sometimes, watching my best friend suffer because of his own brain. He was his own worst enemy, trapped inside a personal hell of his own creation.

The one thing I could say, however, was that he was doing better. Despite the days like these, he was making loads of improvement overall. That’s what I focused on, when the anger would sometimes make me want to scream and cry with him. Dan was happy. Not today, not all the time, but as a person, Dan was happy.

And that’s all I asked for.

I must’ve fallen asleep eventually, because Dan woke me up, his cold fingers lazily tracing over my face.

“Hey sunshine,” he smiled a little, his dimples barely forming. I smiled back, poking one of them.

“Hey gorgeous.”

The dimples disappeared altogether, but I didn’t acknowledge it or stop smiling. “What meal of the day is it time for?”

Dan checked his phone, shrugging a bit. “It’s only five. Dinner?”

I shook my head. “Too early. What are you up for?” It was a better question than asking what he wanted to do-I knew the answer I would have received to that. But Dan was still frowning, his eyes still lacking their usual shine, and I wanted to make him feel better so, so desperately, even if it was only a fraction of what “good” would be.

“Dan?”

His eyes snapped from staring distractedly at my duvet to my face, looking worried. I took his hand, pulling him to his feet, and led him over to stand in front of my mirror. I stood behind him, my hands on his shoulders, and spoke softly into his ear, my breath rustling the curls that were hanging near his eyes.

“You see your face?”

Dan nodded, avoiding my eyes-and his own-in the mirror. I waited until he reluctantly looked up, unsure and mostly looking at me, but it was something.

“I love that face. I know you sometimes don’t-maybe how it looks, or what it says, or the sounds and looks it makes without your full permission or knowledge-but I love everything about it. I love your little freckles and your dimples and that spot on your cheek, and I love the way you talk and how loud you are and even how vulgar and opinionated you are sometimes, and I love the way you snore so softly that it puts me to sleep, and how you smile with your entire face.”

I could see a minuscule smile forming on Dan’s face, but he was looking down at his feet, shifting around under my hands, wanting to run. But I wasn’t done. I tapped his shoulder, meeting his eyes in the mirror once more.

“You see your body?”

Dan did want to run now, the smile vanishing. He swallowed hard, nodding again.

“I love that body. I know most of the time you really don’t, and you try to cover it up, but I see it more than anyone else and that means I’m qualified to say it’s beautiful.”

I caught him rolling his eyes, but I continued nonetheless.

“No, listen. I don’t care how many negative things you tell me, or yourself, none of them will ever be true. You’re the only one who can’t see how gorgeous you are, Dan. You’re warm and soft and tall and strong and I’m the luckiest guy in the world to be able to touch you every day of my life. I know you’ll never believe me, but that doesn’t make what I’m saying any less true.”

The tears were slowly starting to well up in Dan’s eyes, so I spoke softer this time, making sure he would believe me.

“But looks only matter so much, bear. You know that. What really counts is that you are the most amazing person in here,” I touched his head, “and in here.” When I touched his heart, a loud sob escaped his throat, and I smiled. He’d been shoving that down all day, and I was glad he’d finally let it out.

I hugged him to my chest while I finished talking, his hot tears soaking the front of my shirt. “You’re smart, and kind, and funny, and caring, and innovative, and passionate, and creative, and likable, and lovable, and influential, and strong, and brave. If you need proof of any of that, just look at the last year alone. Not just any person could have done the things you did, Dan. There’s not another Daniel James Howell. I don’t have another best friend. I don’t love anyone as much as I love you.” I ran my hand over his hair, smiling at our reflection in the mirror. “The bad days won’t stay, Dan. But I will. We will.”

We went to the lounge so Dan could finish crying himself out, which he very much needed to do. I made tea, grabbed my duvet, and pulled Dan to my chest again as the last of the tears fell and the sniffles started. I hummed him a few songs, tapping the beat out on his back, which had always seemed like an effective method of calming him down. It didn’t fail me this time, either.

“Thank you,” Dan finally mumbled, sniffling again. I hummed, thrumming my fingers down his back.

“I haven’t said it in awhile. Felt like you needed to hear it again.”

I felt Dan smile. “I did. Thank you.”

We were quiet for a long time before I asked, “How’s your bad day going?”

“Better,” Dan chuckled, snuggling closer to me. I winced as his elbow dug into my rib cage, laughing with him.

“Good.”

#dan and phil #fanfic #phanfic #my phanfic #fanfiction #phan #the bad days wont stay #fluff #depression #affirmations #cute #love

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placingglaciers · 7 years ago

Text

Thinking Out Loud

Title: Thinking Out Loud

Genre: Fluff, Domestic

Word Count: 1, 499

Warnings: None!

Description: In which Phil is in the bathtub, Dan makes breakfast, and there’s something involving a crossword puzzle.

Author’s Note: Hey! It’s not AU! (Please remember that this is fiction.)

It took him a while to get an understanding of his surroundings when he suddenly woke up. His body was halfway submerged in hot, soapy water in his bathtub. He didn’t comprehend why at first, so he was frightened, which caused the water to splash around everywhere, especially on his glasses. He glanced up to see Daniel in his pajamas, smiling and holding a breakfast tray. Philip brushed away some of the wet hair that was stuck to his forehead. He slid further down into the water, relaxing now that he understood everything. He had fallen asleep again in the bath and Daniel rudely interrupted it.

“You didn’t answer when I asked, so you’re just going to eat what I made you.” Daniel placed the bamboo wooden breakfast tray down on the tiled floor and sat down with his back against the bathtub. The window on the wall behind the bathtub let in the sunlight through its translucent glass, causing Daniel’s hair to appear lighter and shinier. He noticed Philip’s wet glasses, so he took the opportunity to dry them. When he was done wiping them off with the hem of his t-shirt, he offered them back with a smile.

Philip glanced down to know what all Daniel made for breakfast now that he could see properly. There were two of everything; two cups of coffee, two microwaveable breakfast burritos, two packages of yogurt, and two spoons. Philip’s eyebrows rose in a mixture of surprise and disbelief, but he nevertheless swung his wet arm down to grab his coffee. He couldn’t exactly feel the satisfying rush of warmth he usually got when drinking his morning coffee as he was already in a hot bath. However, it was still made to his preference, something he could always depend on Daniel for making.

“I, um, appreciate it,” Philip said as he brought his plate up to set on the bathtub edge. He took a bite of his burrito and it was a bit hard and lukewarm in some areas.

Daniel nodded as he swallowed, “Of course! I found them in the back of the freezer and I wondered why we haven’t eaten them yet.”

Philip washed his burrito down with his better tasting coffee. “I must’ve fallen asleep. Again.”

“Why do you think I make sure to check on you every twenty minutes?” Daniel peeled the lid off his yogurt and stirred it with his spoon. “You scare me when you do that.”

Philip giggled as he gathered up some of the bath bubbles and gently placed a large heap on Daniel’s head. “Maybe I do that so I could finally get some time to myself.”

Daniel’s face scrunched up in annoyance when he noticed the bubbles. He wiped them off and put the excess on Philip’s head. Following that, he turned back around, pleased with himself, and ate a few spoonfuls of his strawberry yogurt. He soon found the noises of them eating and Philip constantly shifting in the bathtub irksome. He needed to fill in the silence while simultaneously covering up the noise. He grabbed his phone from the breakfast tray and put on a playlist. The first song that came up was by Ed Sheeran, and though he had a strong urge to skip it, he decided to let it play as he rather not waste his time skipping until he found a song to match his mood. That was exactly why he’s more prone to skip Ed Sheeran’s songs. Some of his music tended to put him in a sappy mood most of the time, which was great for a few occasions, but excessive for other occasions. He supposed today could be one of those rare moments.

“I think we should play Ed Sheeran at our wedding,” Daniel suddenly thought out loud as he watched Philip drink his coffee.

Philip widened his eyes as he struggled to keep his coffee from spewing out of his mouth. Did Daniel really just ask him that? He understood that this type of music always made Daniel act a little stranger than usual, but this is another level of strange. By now in their relationship, everything was implied. They didn’t need to say that they loved each other as frequently as they used to and they didn’t feel the desire to impress each other much anymore. Their love was just known. They had outgrown the embarrassing pet names and relationship doubts. They hadn’t said a whole bunch about it, but they understood that they were inevitably going to spend their futures together. But now it has been officially said and Philip had an unusual feeling about it.

Philip slid further down in the warm water and propped his chin on the edge of the bathtub. He sat in thought for a while. “Um, don’t you have to ask me first?”

Daniel blushed as he turned his head to get a good look of him, “Do you want to play Ed Sheeran at our wedding?”

Philip could honestly say he was disappointed in the question as it was rather the wrong one to ask. Perhaps not everything was implied in their relationship after all. He sighed, “I rather not.”

Daniel’s eyebrows furrowed as he wasn’t expecting that type of answer. “Oh yeah?”

Philip shrugged and brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. “It’s too cliché.”

Daniel had to admit Philip wasn’t wrong. He slowly nodded, “You have a point.”

Philip glanced down at the breakfast tray to see how much coffee he had left. He noticed a rolled up newspaper held together by a rubber band. He took his right arm out of the bathwater and pointed at it. “Why do we have a newspaper?”

Daniel shoved his dripping arm away, “Stop! You’re ruining it!” He took the newspaper and slid the rubber band off. “I think we got it by mistake. I just saw it outside of our door.”

“And you brought it in? It could belong to the neighbors!”

He simply ignored him and turned to the crossword puzzle on the back. He picked up the pen from the breakfast tray and read over the clues.

“What purpose do we have for a newspaper?”

“What are the heart chambers called?” He tapped the black pen on the newspaper in thought.

“I don’t know; ventricles?”

“It’s a five-letter word, Phil.”

Philip leaned over Daniel’s shoulder, now intrigued. He read over a few of the clues and began figuring them out. “Twenty-three across is ‘dog.’”

“How would you know? A cat is also a common pet and is also three letters.”

“Just trust me on this.”

Daniel sighed and wrote “dog” in its designated squares, understanding their dog obsession won’t be dying anytime soon. “‘Petite’ for twenty-five across.”

“We probably have enough to fill in eleven, twelve, and thirteen down now,” He suggested. His eyes tried to read the clue for eleven down. “‘Blank Gras.’ Oh, that’s easy.”

Daniel wrote “Mardi” for eleven down. “I’m not sure about the others.”

“Still your turn, though.”

He bit his lip as his eyes quickly browsed through the clues. “Certain venomous snake…an artist’s plaster surface…objects of devotion…picnic pests—ants!”

Philip groaned in frustration, hating how fast Daniel could figure this out. He’d rather get the puzzle done by filling in each word in order, not by randomly skipping around. However, he understood that was nearly impossible to do. “Can’t we just look them up?”

“That’d be cheating!” Daniel exclaimed as he wrote “gears” for thirty down, the innards of a clock.

“There’s no way I can possibly know everything on this list. Like, ‘air traffic control devices’? How would I know that? There are multiple devices for controlling air traffic.”

“Radars.”

“What?”

“Radars. They help control air traffic, plus its six letters long.”

“I believe I was trying to make a point?”

“You’re not supposed to know all the answers, that’s part of the fun. Just as long as you know a few, you can fill in the rest without knowing the answers.”

Philip pouted, not entirely happy with not getting his way. He propped his elbow on the bathtub’s edge and supported his chin in his hand. Nevertheless, he continued figuring out the puzzle. “‘Asia’ for thirty-four down,” he said without much enthusiasm.

Daniel wrote it down as well as “stern” for the back of an ocean liner.

“This bath water is getting cold,” Philip complained after a short while, desperate to be doing something else—something he’s better at doing.

“You’re giving up already?” Daniel had no sympathy in his voice.

“Well I feel all gross now. I can’t think in this type of environment.”

Daniel sighed as he got up and grabbed a clean white towel from their towel rack across the room. He brought it over to Philip, who gradually rose from the water, and wrapped it around his waist. He then gave him a short, sweet kiss before saying, “Sure, that’s the problem.”

________________________________________________________

The crossword mentioned is from dictionary.com, August 31, 2017 edition.

#phan #phanfiction #phan fluff #domestic phan #established relationship #one shot #college is going okay thanks for asking...

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crazyartdad · 7 years ago

Text

I’M Better With A Pen.

Stuart Leaves England to pursue a writing career in Paris despite a disruptive illness eating him away. But honestly? Nothing could truly be better

It's been two months, Two months dragging on in a crappy factory-turned-duplex housing. Two months of being the starving artist he always dreamed about, bidding his parents farewell before packing off to Paris with nothing but a dream of writing the perfections of love and beauty.

But reality isn't what you always hope to be.

The smog and stench flooded his imagery of the city. Leaving his hope to decay in a jar on a shelf, nothing but the harsh reality to keep his empty stomach company.

Sitting at his typewriter he realized spending all his money on buying on this hovel wasn't one of his best ideas. A mistake made from excitement had now shown its grave outcome, A penniless writer on a quest for God knows what anymore.

He could only imagine what his father must feel. It still felt like yesterday when he told his father of his plans, the argument still fresh in his mind.

“Your wasting your time, what do you expect when you go across the ocean in this fairy-tale land of yours Stuart?! You’d worry your mother sick- You're still sick Stuart, what’s to happen to you if something happens? If you don't have enough care!? You’d be wasting your life hunch over a typewriter!”

He could still see the redness in his face, could see the harden eyes as his fingers trembled along the keys. Tears threatened to slip from his black out eyes as a dull ache forms around his temples. He grows frustrated by the sloppy mistakes of his nervous hands, banging the keys in a fit as the paper is ripped away from the device. He sat, watching as white shreds fell to his feet while trying to catch his breath, pleading for nothing more than to rid the obnoxious voice from his memory.

He was sick. Ever since the accident he was well away of the threat on his mortality, the excessive coddling and careful whispers of relatives, everything made him all to aware of the actuality of his treatment being nothing more than a way to cope. But he couldn't be hospitalized in his house for the rest of his life. He stole enough insulin to dull whatever pain, he should be fine, though it's something that settles in the back of his head.

He’s old enough to care for himself, It was a good- no, a great decision to leave no matter what anyone says. Life's short and despite the shitty circumstances, he's willing to put in the effort to do what he wants and damn it! he’s gonna be happy about it!

Running his hands through his brown locks he’s suddenly all to aware of the page he has to redo. Stuart curses silently as he reaches across to the steadily declining stack of paper, ringing the single sheet through the roller and adjusting the knob.

It takes awhile to fall back into his steady rhythm, with all the noise that could be heard through the paper thin walls, it was a miracle anything could be done. It was only when he tries to recall the next line of the torn masterpiece at his feet is when he goes in search of the written draft.

The constant rumble of noise suspiciously grows louder as he searches under his bed for his notebook, paying no mind until yelling start to ensure.

“Maybe it's just the couple from 103” He tells himself, pushing up his sleeves as he flipped through rumbled pages, but when a shrill voice of a whistle shot through the hall he knew something wasn't right.

Especially the male that hurled himself into the room.

Both males locked eyes in fright, one more clear on the face then the other as Stuart clung close to the wall.

The man's eyes harden as Stuart catches a glimpse of them through his fringe, His breath hitching as the other opens his mouth to speak. Another blow from the whistle cuts his sentence to a small curse as he darts to the closet, throwing aside Stuarts small collection of clothes, knocking on sections till he find, to Stuart's surprise, a false wall.

“H-hey!, You can’t jus-” Stuart didn't know what he expected from himself as he pipes up from across the room, watching the stocky frame hide away a suitcase of God knows what. As the criminal in question places the false wall back on he scrambles over to the towering Brunette, closing his firsts around the collar of his shirt.

“Listen freak and listen good!” he starts in an angry whisper. “My plan’s already shit now that you're here and i'm not gonna sit and let you fuck it up any more” He pulls a knife from his pocket and holds it steadily close to Stu’s neck in warning as the door knocks.

“I'm going to the fire escape and if you say anything, i'll have my way of getting back at you- ya hear?” The Stranger watches his black orbs glisten as his Adam's apple bobs in a nervous gulp.

“This is the police!”

His grip tightens as he waits for Stuart's response.

“J-Jus, Just a second!” Stuart calls out to them, relieved at the absence of pressure at his neck as the mug leaves to scutter out the window. Anxiety swells as the knock echoed through the complex, making his hands sweaty as he reaches for the knob.

Three men in uniform pool into his room, Two men of bulky frame,seeming to be brothers by the similar features they shared start to short though his room. Completely ignoring him as a tall blond with a sharp nose stares him down with icy eyes.

“Where is he?” He says with deadpan knowledge.

This is it, I'm dead. I can't fucking lie what made me think I could do this, shit what do I do What do I DO. Fuck I should've listened to my dad.

“He’s on the s’cape” Stuart says, choking on his own words in fright. The icy glare softens with a sigh and the two men groan, shaking their heads in shame.

“Nice to know I can trust this side of the building, Typical fucking English” The man in question croaks from the window, climbing though with disappointment in his bagged eyes.

Stuart stands by the door, as the headache builds even more noticeable to not only him but everyone else as he tried to piece together exactly, what the hell was going on.

“Hannibal” The criminal reveals himself as he makes his way to the closet, pulling back out the suitcase. “That's, Louis, Hugo and pretty one’s Dan” Hannibal finishes introducing as he brings out a bottle of scotch from the case, only adding more questions to the poor simple minded writer.

“I still, I don't, how-”

Searching around the cupboards he finds himself some glasses and pours one for Stuart and himself. “I'm gonna be talkin so shut yer yap and listen up” He signals the dismissal of the three men and proceeds to make his way over. Shoving the man to a sitting position on his bed as he presses the glass to his palm.

Stuart looks to the glass in question, quickly shutting his mouth as it was no use to form sentences anyway.

Hannibal struts back to Stuarts desk and shoots back a deep gulp of the burning liquid before speaking.

“Now- back to business.” He pauses, making a face from the drink. “This ‘s a test for newcomers, which you horribly failed might I add, but you're in a special position that's keeping your ass from being kicked to the street.” Hannibal pauses to watch the scared look distort to one of confusion. “Ya see here, not many come with full cash to- Completely buy the place, they mostly take up a shark offer, ya know? Pay rent much like a bully stealing lunch money, but lucky you, you don't gotta go through that process. I like that”

“I should be throwing your ass out” He says, chuckling at the quietness from Stuart. “But you seem to follow rules pretty well so imma keep ya around. But this int no free ride kid, I still run this place and I need Caches time ta time, got it?”

He leans against the desk taking another drink of his scotch.

“Whats up wit the eyes?” He asks after getting a full look at the man

“8 fra’tures…?”

“Freaky...And the papers? What are ya? Detective, Business guy?”

“Writer...Poetry..”

“Pfft, Lemme guess Bohemian Revolutionist? Hoping to make the world beautiful with the freedom of Beauty and Love?” He says waving his hand around in emphasis

“y-Yeah” Stuart says with a smile, “Finally someone gets it” he tells himself

“Well good luck, only thing beautiful here is a good drink and the closest thing to love is cheap proposition” He watches the face fall with a smile as he reads over a rouge paper from over the brim of his glass.

“.....” Hannibal halts his drink, continuing to look over the flowing words stretched along the stark parchment.

He was never one for a musical taste, let alone poetry but something about the bold ink on white made a melody in his head, each syllable, every vowel, all the words seemed to fit. Telling a story while simultaneously making no sense at all. It was oddly perfect

Just then, an idea starts to form.

“....But never say never, am I right?” he adds, hopping away from the desk with a strange new attitude.

#2Doc #Hannibal Niccals #Stuart Pot #2D #Gorillaz #moulin rouge

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sadwizardjessi · 7 years ago

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YO HEY SPACE GRUMPS STUFF YEAH

Also on ao3 now :) @dannyaviclan

Darkness . And suffocation. And the sharp pain of needles pricking into every inch of his exposed body.

It filled Dan’s head as he breathed harshly into the air around him. His hands squeezed at his sheets, eyes wide open, as he searched for something to ground him. Remind him he wasn’t in that /horrible/ place anymore.

With another shuddered breath, Dan pushed himself up to a sitting position, reaching aimlessly along the side table for the light before remembering that wasn’t the way to turn a light on in the future.

Running the same hand down his face, Dan let his eyes fall shut, quietly asking, “Barry. Lights please?” Shivering as they flickered on.

Slowly he opened his eyes, squinting at the harsh change in lighting, and felt a little relief seep into him.

He was home. It was okay. They couldn’t touch him here. Brian and Arin won’t let them.

He’d already been back a week and still the memories plagued him. Still he jumped at unexpected noises. And tensed up at the sound of footsteps approaching. And flinched at any sort of raised object.

He’d been saved and yet still he kept acting like he hadn’t.

It was pathetic.

Dan rubbed at his eyes painfully, refusing to let that escalate any further, and got up on shaky limbs to grab his leather jacket. It always made him feel good, with the long gone earthy scent and band patches holding it together.

Slipping it on, Dan sighed, walking across the room to curl up in a big arm chair. He ran a thumb over the dull pink stitching along the left arm. A phantom pain shot through his wrist.

Right. Arin must have sewed it back together after they’d taken him.

With a deep breath, Dan pulls his legs up to his chest and looks up to the ceiling, where he often discerns Barry to be located at.

“Hey Barry? Where is Arin at? Is he asleep?”

“The Captain is currently drawing in the observation deck. Should I call him down here?”

Dan shakes his head after breathing through the crackling through the speakers. It was eerily similar to… well. Yeah.

“Are you okay, Danny?”

The often times human like A.I. always through Dan off. He was a friend but a machine. But then again, so is Ross. Barry is just a spaceship rather than a robot. Android. Whatever.

“Yeah man. I’m okay. I just-… I don’t know man. I should be okay. I am okay.”

“You should go talk to Arin. He’s worried about you.”

Dan sucked in a breath, glancing around subconsciously in suspicion. “How do you know? Did he tell you anything?”

“Mm no. I can tell. Plus he keeps scratching out incomplete drawings. And he hasn’t taken off his gloves since we got you back. They’re pretty big indicators that something is bothering him. It’s only logical that he’s worried about you.”

He rubbed his thumb over the pink stitching again. Tracing the thin string with his eyes. Dan idly wondered why Arin sewed the leather together rather than just use some kind of future clothing fixer thing. That’s how he kept fixing Brian’s shit right? In any case, Dan was happy for the more modern, or well maybe not modern anymore, way of fixing things. The stitching made him feel safe. More at home.

“Maybe I will…,” he finally replied, Barry humming at his response.

“So do it.”

Dan huffed a weak laugh and shoved his gangly legs to the floor, pulling himself out of the chair. “I’m going! Geeze. Nice talking to you too, Barry.”

“Danny, you know I love our interactions. But you and I both know I’m not the one to be talking to right now. In fact, later tomorrow you should hang out with Brian as well. He’s been testier than usual.”

“I just got everyone worked up, huh.”

“Well yeah man. Everyone loves you. With all due respect, I think you were the most ideal person to take out of all of us. You just… Everyone loves you. So much.”

With a flush, Dan started at the wall, shaking his head and tugging the jacket closer as he pulled his blanket up to wrap tightly around himself. “Uhh I guess. Thanks Barry. I don’t think Ross was too affected though. He seems to still be suspicious of me.”

“You’d be surprised. Now quit stalling. Go talk to Arin. Before I cut off the power in here.”

Flipping him off with a laugh, Dan walked out the door with a roll of his eyes, blanket cape trailing behind him dramatically. “Yeah yeah. You have too much power.” His laugh quickened a bit as he ran for the door, the lights in his room flickering. “I’m going! Fuck dude! Chill.”

The lights stopped, staying on in the dull white they usually shown as Dan exited the room.

The observation deck. Right.

Just as Barry said, there sat Arin, plain as day, quietly doodling with his back to Dan. And that was odd. Arin usually perked up to his scent before Dan even entered the room.

As Arin let out a frustrated growl, pencil almost ripping through the thin paper, Dan cleared his throat, causing Arin to jump, pencil skittering across the floor.

Dan quietly picked it up before making his way next to Arin, plopping down to a criss cross Applesauce.

“Hey.”

Arin looked at Dan with wide eyes, drawing pad close to his chest. Dan raised an eyebrow, half smirk lingering on his face. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Sorry man.”

With a quick shake of his head, Arin looked back down before tucking some hair behind his ear. It was usually up when he was feeling professional, but he kept it down otherwise. “It’s okay dude. I just wasn’t expecting you to be out and about. Especially at this hour.”

“Does time even exist in space? I mean each planet has it’s own day and night cycle so like. Technically when we’re drifting, can’t we just like make our own cycle?”

“Uhm well I guess that’s true. But I’ve tried to keep going by terra’s cycle ya know? It’s what I’m used to.”

Dan hummed in response, pulling up his knees and pulling the blanket tighter. He took in Arin’s tense form, sweat pants pulled taut and the back of his black shirt lightly perpetrated with sweat. Maybe Dan shouldn’t have come… Maybe he was intruding…

“Uh sorry. I just… couldn’t sleep. I can go though, if you’d rather be a-”

“N-no! No it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting you. But for real, Danny. It’s fine.”

Dan frowned, looking out the window at the vastness of space. “You never call me Danny. Or well, you do when I’m being particularly dense. Or when you’re worried about me. Or when you’re upset. So am I being stupid right now? Or did something happen.”

With a sigh, Arin laid his head on Dan’s shoulder, eyes shut, gloved fists clenched. “I’m not upset. And you’re not stupid. I just…. I’m glad you’re back, man. I REALLY really am. It’s just… ugh. Sorry. I don’t know. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Dan hummed, gripping his thin pajama pants as a distraction for his hands. He looked down at Arin, a light smile being forced. For Arin’s sake. “Hey dude, it’s fine. I’m okay now. Because you guys saved me. Thank you by the way. I don’t think I’ve said that yet.”

Arin was quiet for a few seconds before letting out a low huff. He sat up straighter, but kept his head down, face curtained by hair. “You really don’t remember us saving you, huh.”

“Uhm. Yeah? Or at least, parts. I remember you kicking the door down. And I remember Brian picking me up. Or… no. He went to pick me up? But then you did. It’s all… Sorry. Like I said. Parts. I also remember Mark being on the ship? He helped heal me, right? Because I was pretty messed up? Still pretty messed up…. But he helped with at least the physical wounds. Though I have this wicked scar on my side now.”

Arin cleared his throat and clutched the pad a little tighter. His voice was low enough to force Dan to strain to hear him. As if speaking too loud would shatter the window separating them from the void outside. “You uh. Yeah. You were just… I remember laughing with you. About something stupid. And thinking, ‘nothing could get better than this’. But then we took that fucking job. And you were taken. And I just… I just watched. I couldn’t move-”

“You were paralysed, Ar. Remember? They shot you.”

“It doesn’t matter!” He growled. Dan stared with wide eyes at his friend’s feral expression. It was… scary. Honestly. And that was the last word Dan would associate with Arin. “They took You! They took you right from under me and I couldn’t do a Damn thing! Ross told me something was fishy about that job! But no! I just /had/ to take it. And then you were gone and I didn’t know what to do and we didn’t even know who they were and I just-”

“Arin, it’s fine though. You saved me. It’s okay-”

This time Arin stood up, eyes nearly glowing in the dark as he stared down at Dan. He looked every inch of rage and frustration. “It’s not okay, Dan. It’ll never be okay until I rip those bastards piece by fucking piece for what they did to you. You may not really remember what happened but I do! I remember the look on your face. Like I was about to eat you alive. How you kept asking for me and Brian to save you and fighting is, like we were imposters. I remember how your fucking fingers were twisted and broken and misshapen and the way your body looked paper thin and all the cuts and bruises, like they just tossed you about. I fucking remember Daniel. And it’s not something I’m going to ever forget. So no. It’s not okay. Because I had to get you out of there. I tried to kill them. Every fucking one, but I had to get to you. I let them take you. I had to be the one to save you.”

Dan stood up too, blanket falling into a forgotten puddle, and taking in Arin’s now defeated and angered form. He stepped forward, trying to deny the shaking in his hands. Honestly it was horrifying. Hearing about everything they went through while he was gone. And Dan is building brick wall after brick wall in his mind as the memories resurfaced. But he couldn’t afford to have a break down here. Not when Arin needed him.

Dan took Arin’s shorter but thicker hands into his, rubbing his thumb gently into the knuckles, trying to get Arin to at least relax his hands. It kind of worked, as Arin slowly uncurled them, only to grip Dan’s in a much tighter grip than he was expecting. “You did save me though. You did it, Ar. You came in and took out those in your way and got me out of that Hell. It’s over. And I’m never going to leave again, okay? I promise.”

“But what if-”

“No.” Dan shook his head, pulling Arin into a tight hug. Claws dug into his back despite the thick gloves and Dan was pretty sure that was tears being pressed against his neck, but he didn’t care. He meant what he said. He was never going to leave. Those on this ship are his family. Even if he found a way back to his time, Dan didn’t care. Brian, Arin, Barry, Ross, everyone. He wasn’t leaving them anytime soon.

Dan pulled back and tried to look at Arin’s eyes but the hair was too thick and it appeared Arin wasn’t going to help him out anytime soon. So with a frustrated grunt, Dan kept an arm around Arin’s shoulders, raising the other to move some hair behind his ear again. “Arin. Look at me.”

Slowly, but surely, Arin looked up at Dan, but kept drifting his eyes across the room, not sure what to focus on. Dan sighed. It would just have to do. “Hey,” he said a bit softer, his smile now coming a bit easier. “Arin. I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. You did it, man. You saved me and yeah okay so things still suck ass, but at least we have each other, right? And the ship’s still intact. And we know who the bad guys are now. So that’s a plus, right?”

Arin nodded, looking down again. “They’re the same people that… let this happen to me. I was- I was taken prisoner and they just… let it happen and-”

“Hey. You don’t have to tell me. Not until you’re ready.”

Arin nodded again, a relieved sigh falling from his lips. “Thanks Dan. Though I should be comforting you here. I’m your Captain. Hell, none of this even happened to me. I should be fi-”

“Mmm nope. You’re my friend. And you’re a person. With thoughts and emotions just like the rest of us. You’re allowed to be freaked out when bad people kidnap your best friend.”

Arin made a self deprecating sound in his laugh and subconsciously held Dan a little tighter, staring at the pink thread in the leather jacket Dan loved so much. “That’s the first time you’ve said it out loud. Or at least that I’ve heard.”

“Is it? Weird.”

They fell into silence as Dan drew Arin into a second Hug. Arin needed it, and he didn’t mind so what was the harm.

“I’m really glad you’re safe, Danny,” Arin whispered as he buried his face in Dan’s neck.

Smiling, Dan nodded back, pressing his lips to the side of Arin’s head, just above his ear. “Me too, man. I’m glad you’re safe, too.”

#space grumps #my fic #me #writing #slight egobang?#whoops #dannyaviclan #you're au seriously has me fucked up #polygrumps #shipgrumps #ficgrumps #fanfic

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botanistlester · 8 years ago

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The Summer (31/33)

The Summer (31/33) | Dan Howell has spent the last three summers at Camp Bergamot, but it’s never been quite like this before. This year, he faces a summer full of new friends, a new relationship, and an entirely new view on his own sexuality. Perhaps Camp Bergamot should be renamed camp self discovery for all the changes Dan has gone through, but one thing’s for sure - despite all the hiccups and the drama, he just might have found the love of his life. | Phan | Mature | Smut, Misunderstandings, Insecurity, Panic Attacks, Bullying, Minor Violence, Physical Fight | 400,000+ Words

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

This Part: 18,257 Words

For reference, @botanistlester is Dan, @snowbunnylester is Phil.

(Previous) (AO3) (Masterlist)

Warnings: teasing, edging, dirty talk, neck kink, handjobs, stretching, penetrative sex, schmoop

A/N: Hey guys! Honestly, we cannot believe what a wild ride it’s been over the course of the last… how long? Few months that we’ve been posting this. When we started this RP, I don’t think either of us realized it was going to end up being over 400,000 words long, and yet it most definitely did. We set out for this fic to be an exploration of sexuality and, obviously, sex, and that’s exactly what we’ve done. We honestly hope you guys have enjoyed this wild ride as much as we have! But don’t worry, this isn’t quite the end! We’ve still got the massive epilogue to go, a whopping 55K words long that we’ve decided to split in half and post back to back thanks to your guys vote!

On Friday, we’ll hit you with part one of the epilogue over at @snowbunnylester ‘s blog, followed by part two on Satruday on @botanistlester ‘s blog! Of course, it’s also getting posted to ao3 in the same chaptered fic as chapters 32 and 33, so stay tuned, and I can’t believe the ride is nearly over… I’m going to try not to cry!

Chapter Thirty-One

Phil glanced around the mostly empty room as they finally made their way into the theater for their movie. It had been out for a few weeks at least, so Phil wasn't surprised, nor was he surprised to see the few couples dotted around, but he was thankful, as it made his plans for that evening far easier to manage. After spotting an empty row to the left, Phil started to make his way down it, deciding they were going to need a little privacy, and walking all the way to the end against the wall before settling down with one seat open for Dan right next to said wall. He smirked as his boyfriend moved past him to take his seat knowingly.

Dan giggled at Phil's flustered response, shoving the bag of popcorn at him. "I can say what I want to," Dan told him stubbornly. But he didn't try to stop Phil when he started to lead them both to the theater, asking Dan if he was ready with a rather suggestive eyebrow wiggle. Dan almost didn't want to know what Phil was planning for him, could feel his entire face growing hot at just the thought, but he knew this was going to be an... interesting date, one that he would truly never forget. For that, he was beyond thankful, zoning out slightly as he followed Phil through the rows of chairs. He was thankful because he could be himself in front of Phil without having to hide his desires. Their sex life, while mostly vanilla, was open to new ideas or kinks, and Dan felt free to talk about those subjects with Phil. He didn't know much about other relationships, but he did know that most couples didn't dare to venture into such territory. And yet, here was he and Phil, about to do sexual actions in the middle of a movie theater with Phil promising to edge him nearly the entire time. Dan was such a lucky guy. Thankfully, Phil chose an area that was more separated from the rest of the moviegoers, and it almost made Dan feel like he was doing the walk of shame. Phil's teasing smirk definitely wasn't helping, only made the hairs on Dan's arms stand up until he was shivering with anticipation. When he sat down in the seat Phil had saved for him, their arms brushed, and Dan felt electricity strike through his entire body. It was almost like they'd just met and Dan was freaking out at every little interaction. Except this time, it was much, much different.

Dan settled in rather quickly. When Phil risked a glance at his face, it was to find that Dan had already gone a deep, beet red, and it made Phil's smirk widen. He turned back to the movie screen casually, deciding that he was going to make Dan wait for him to start, make Dan die a little from the anticipation of it all first. Phil hoped that he liked this, that he wouldn't go too far, but he knew Dan would stop him if he did. The movie previews were just starting as well, something Phil loved, and he leaned into Dan's side with a little smile. "The previews are sometimes my favorite part. Do you think they're just gonna advertise all romance stuff to us?" he asked, casually propping the popcorn in his lap and holding it with one hand while he used the other to throw over Dan's shoulders and drag him in.

Despite Dan's original thoughts, Phil didn't start right away. Dan had totally and completely expected Phil to get his hands on him as soon as he sat down, so when Phil started to ask about the previews, drawing him in with a gentle arm around his shoulders, Dan couldn't help but let out a small noise of confusion. He relaxed after a few moments, melting into Phil's side. Phil was warm and safe and Dan liked being tucked into his embrace more than he liked anything else in the whole world. Dan shook his head, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "Who knows?" He responded easily. "Probably romantic things that'll make me want to barf. Maybe we'll get lucky and see a few previews for horror films though. Like they think this movie is actually scary."

The laugh came out as half-bark, surprised as Phil was to hear Dan say that. The sound of his voice was perfectly sarcastic to top it all off, and Phil just shoved his face into his shoulder while his own shoulders shook with laughter. "Oh my God, Dan," he muttered, and kissing him there, through his clothes. "You're such an idiot," he said fondly, rolling his eyes. "If you wanted to be scared again, we could have just gone and seen the new horror film that's out rather than this dribble," he complained, but he didn't actually mind. Mostly, he was just excited to have the almost-freedom to get distracted and make out with Dan, not to mention what else he had planned. "You gonna make fun of the previews with me, then?"

Dan snickered at Phil's utterly adorable reaction. He hadn't actually thought Phil would react in such a way to his dumb joke, but it made him feel all warm and tingly inside. Although he should have expected that feeling by now; Phil always made him feel warm and tingly inside. "I may be an idiot, but at least I'm your idiot," Dan murmured, giving Phil a bright grin. He hummed at Phil's next words. "We can watch horror movies later. Seeing Twilight in theaters is like a dream come true," Dan sighed out sarcastically. He was grinning so widely that his cheeks were hurting and his dimple was making a rather large dent in his cheek. "It's the best part of a date. We make fun of the previews and we make fun of the movie. Can't really do that when I'm scared shitless. I'd rather make fun of things with you, tbh."

Phil snorted out another laugh, shoving himself over in his seat so he could hide his face more properly against Dan's shoulder. His leg was pretty securely pressed up to Dan's, now. Dan was so warm against him. "You're an idiot," he jested, moving his face to prop his chin on Dan's shoulder instead, only to find that Dan was already staring at him with a bright grin on his face. Phil smiled back at him, and reached up to press his finger into Dan's dimple, just because he could. "I'd rather make love to you," Phil teased back with a little wink, waiting for Dan to go breathless before he pulled away. "But making fun of movies will have to do. Look, they're putting out another valentine's romance. This time, the girl has lost her memories of her current husband and he has to make her fall in love with him again. How much you want to bet he's going to have competition with an ex boyfriend of some kind?"

Apparently Phil always knew what to say to make Dan's mind go a bit foggy because before he knew what was going on, Phil was murmuring teasing words and Dan felt like he couldn't breathe for a moment. He inhaled sharply and shook his head to clear his dirty thoughts, giving Phil an unimpressed glare. His boyfriend was the worst. "I don't see why we even came to the movie then, if you're just going to distract me from it," Dan sighed out dramatically, but he pushed his shoulder against Phil's to show that he was just kidding. He watched the previews, making a grossed out face. "I can almost guarantee it. I feel like these tropes are so common that it's just downright easy to guess what's going to happen. He'll probably lose the girl for a few days to her ex and be completely heartbroken, making him try just a bit harder. Then he'll take her to a nice dinner, treat her really well, and she'll fall in love with him again before earning all of her memories back." Dan tsked. "Shame."

Phil was grinning completely shamelessly at Dan, knowing full well that Dan wanted everything Phil had promised just as much as Phil wanted it, and not even bothering to hide his excitement. He just wanted to spend his last few days with Dan in the best way possible, and to be fair, Phil wanted more than sex, but he also couldn't help loving the way Dan fit against him and how it made him feel so close to him. Phil also liked being a giant tease, though, so that wasn't helping. He snorted at Dan's quick summary of events, and nodded his head. "When is something new and original going to come out?" he complained.

Dan gasped, feigning offense. "You mean, Twilight isn't original?" Dan asked, winking, practically purring. The lights started to dim, leaving Dan to snicker. His voice dropped to a whisper so they didn't disturb any of the other moviegoers. "I don't know, a few hundred year old vampire stalking a teenage girl until she falls in love with him sounds pretty original to me." Because he couldn't help himself, he pressed a kiss to Phil's cheek, nuzzling his nose against Phil's skin for a moment before pulling back to continue watching the previews. "Oh look, a horror movie where a doll comes to life and tries to kill the whole family. Never would have guessed."

Dan's teasing was so ridiculous, that Phil spent the entirety of the previews muffling his laughter into his boyfriend's shoulder, not even getting one second to stop and actually focus on anything let alone eat their snacks - which was a miracle in and of itself, considering Phil loved popcorn. Dan was funny though, and Phil might have been a little slap happy because Dan just made him so happy, but no one needed to know that, exactly. It was fine, anyway. Dan loved him, and they had fun together. That was all that mattered. By the time the movie was about to start, Phil had given up on even trying to communicate with his boyfriend, and instead, grabbed for his chin to drag him into a searing kiss. Dan was quick to respond, despite both of them still giggling, and it warmed Phil to the core. He loved that Dan was always so, so open to him, and he just wanted to hold onto him forever.

It was ridiculous. They were ridiculous. Dan hadn't thought he would be able to find someone who matched all of his traits so perfectly, but here they were. In the back of a movie theater, trying to stifle their giggles behind trembling hands with tears in their eyes. Dan definitely wouldn't change this for anything. The lights dimmed more and Dan was mentally preparing himself for the shittiest movie he'd ever seen when Phil suddenly grabbed his chin and pulled him into a kiss. It was passionate, hot, but Dan couldn't hide his laughter nonetheless, way to slap happy to even try to make the kiss very good. He was smiling, Phil was smiling, and it made for some awkward teeth clacking, but they really didn't care. They were happy and that's all that truly mattered.

By the time that Phil pulled away again, he was still cackling away pretty hard, having to shove his face back into Dan's shoulder, but missing and landing against his neck instead. Dan's laughter abruptly stopped at the feeling of Phil's breathing hitting his neck, and Phil's laughter stopped as well when he took in the way Dan shuddered at the feeling, clearly turned on by it. It took the mood down to an entirely different level, one that Phil hadn't anticipated starting just yet, and he glanced up at Dan to find that Dan was holding his breath, eyes wide in surprise. Wondering just how far Phil could take this, Phil pressed his lips properly to Dan's neck and pressed a little kiss there, nipping for a moment before pulling back, and watching as Dan slowly let the breath he was holding out, eyes still wide. Phil chuckled, unable to help himself, the feeling welling in his stomach. Dan glanced down at him, pupils blown and amusement completely gone, and it made arousal shoot through Phil as well. Pulling away, Phil winked at Dan again, and said, 'pay attention. The movies started," before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Everything was innocent enough until Dan had to go and ruin it. Maybe it was the anticipation wearing on him, making him more sensitive. Or maybe it was just that Phil had that effect on him no matter what the circumstances. All he knew was that when Phil buried his face in Dan's neck, breath cascading onto the sensitive skin there, Dan felt as though he were suffocating. He couldn't breathe, his eyes widening and slightly glossing over as the hairs on the back of his neck rose and an undeniable heat surged to his crotch. Phil could tell. Because then he was kissing Dan's neck, biting at it, and Dan had to bite his lip to hold back any noises. They were in a god damned movie theater and the movie was beginning to start and this was going to be a long movie. Phil was pulling away all too soon and Dan didn't know whether he should be disappointed or relieved when Phil told him to pay attention to the movie, shoving popcorn into his mouth. Dan listened as well as he could, taking deep breaths through his nose to try and calm himself. What had he gotten himself into?

The best part about being with dan was knowing that Phil could have the fun times, and the sexy times, and the sweet times, and Dan would always give him everything. Now, though, now Dan was going to have a hell out of a time with what Phil had planned for him, and he was so happy he could have this. He grinned as the movie went under way, just as cheesy and terrible as Phil had imagined it would be, and shoveled popcorn into his mouth while his hand remained over Dan's shoulder. For a long time, Phil didn't do anything other than laugh and joke quietly with dan, but as time went on, Phil started to do more, until he was breathing right up against the shell of Dan's ear, the touch teasing and annoying. Apparently, it was also a turn on, as Dan’s breath caught nearly every time. Phil grinned to himself, doing it over and over again within the first half an hour, and then, slowly, he started to use his fingers to trail along Dan's neck as well.

The movie was just as awful as Dan expected it to be. Not that he had high hopes for it at all anyways. The only thing that made it even slightly bearable was the feel of Phil sitting next to him, his arm around Dan's shoulders. He was warm against Dan and didn't try anything for a good while, allowing Dan to actually relax and melt into the embrace. He was still slightly paranoid that Phil was going to do something at any moment, but for now he allowed himself to enjoy the experience. The relaxing feeling didn't last for long. After an undetermined amount of time, Phil started to breathe against his ear, making Dan shiver and try to ignore him. It didn't work, of course, and Phil knew that. He didn't let the ministrations ease in the slightest, especially when Dan's breathing caught every single time. He was quivering, trying to pay attention to the movie, but that all went out the window when Phil's fingers started trailing over his neck. "Fuck," Dan hissed quietly, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment and arousal. He couldn't wait to have Phil's mouth all over him, making him feel so many different sensations. He wished he could just push him over right now and drag him into the hottest kiss he could muster. But he didn't. No, instead, he waited, waited to see what Phil would do next.

Phil was starting to get a little hot under the collar himself, a little warm in the face, and he was so tempted to lean over and do more - so he did. Curious if he could make Dan close just from his neck, Phil leaned in close and whispered, "I want you to keep watching the movie," before he pressed his lips so lightly to Dan's neck it was like a ghost of him there. He grinned when Dan shivered underneath him, and used his fingers still over Dans shoulder to tease his fingers along there as well, getting Dan at both sides. Slowly, he worked himself up more, until he was really trailing his lips along Dan's neck, but when he heard Dan moan, he pulled away, wanting to work him up little by little. He grinned when he saw Dan’s eyes were closed and leaned in close to whisper again, "eyes open, Dan."

Dan couldn't seem to stop quivering. Phil's touch was doing something to him, making his entire body feel hot, and the fact that he couldn't fucking do anything about it made him want to explode. Phil's lips were hot against his neck, the touch so light that he could barely feel it. But that was the point, though. Every touch was so sensitive that Dan could feel it down to his bones, Phil's fingers teasing the other side of his neck, until Dan was moaning softly, his mouth slack and his eyes falling closed. Phil reprimanded him for that, ordering him to open his eyes, so with great difficulty, Dan pried his eyes open and tried to pay attention to the movie to no avail. He was already hard in his jeans, twitching, excitement running through his body. He gave Phil a pout, his eyes wide and begging, but he didn't say anything. All of his words seemed to die in his throat before he could formulate them.

The little pout was cute; cute enough that Phil couldn't help leaning in to nip at Dan's neck in quiet reprimand, smirking all the while, but also trying to give him a little more of what he so obviously wanted. Dan sighed under him, and Phil stroked his fingers a little harder. "If I catch you with your eyes closed again, you won't like what comes," he whispered, before leaning in again, starting all over with the teasing feel of his lips just ghosting over Dan's neck. He wanted to suck at the tanned skin there, but he knew he was going to have to be careful not to leave a mark. Already, Phil could feel his control slipping, though. He wanted Dan to nearly come in his pants just from this, and Dan's parents knew about them now. They knew what they were doing together, that much was quite obvious considering they knew they'd been dating a while, and that Dan had had Phil up in his room alone with the door closed before, so why hide it? Phil closed his eyes against his own moan, and mouthed harder along Dan's neck, still just hardly scraping his lips across, not wanting to give Dan anymore for a while longer. It was so tempting though, and he found himself scraping his teeth along the skin as well, lightly enough to tease while his fingers turned to the use of his nails on the other side of Dan's neck.

Dan whimpered at Phil's words, not able to even hide how much he was enjoying this pleasurable torture. He tilted his neck just a bit more, giving Phil more access to do what he wanted with Dan. He tried to keep his eyes open but it was hard, so fucking hard, that he had to try and distance himself from the situation, just to calm himself down and to make it easier for him to control himself. It didn't work, to say the least. The way Phil's lips and teeth were gliding across his skin was almost too much, made him want to scream. His head was swimming and his cheeks were flushed, little noises making their way out of his mouth without his permission. Phil was unrelenting and Dan squirmed under him, panting. "Fuck, Phil," Dan whimpered, ignoring how Phil whispered for him to hush into his skin. His hand grappled for something to hold onto, and he ended up grabbing onto Phil's knee, squeezing tightly. A particularly hard bite had Dan's breath whooshing out of him, his eyes involuntarily closing before he could stop himself.

The sounds Dan was making were everything Phil could have wanted and more. He was smirking against Dan's skin now, hushing him while he continued the slow torture, barley gliding his lips and teeth along Dan's neck, glad when Dan leaned into him. Phil glanced up at Dan's face, tried to make out his eyes from the angle Phil was in, but it was hard, so he just kept going, deciding that if Dan thought he'd get away with it, Phil would pull away and catch him in the act soon enough, and that would have to do it. After another moment, Phil bit down at Dan's neck in a particularly soft spot, and grinned when Dan instantly whimpered and reached out to grasp Phil's knee. Deciding that was quite enough, Phil pulled away, only to find Dan's eyes were closed, and tutted softly, grasping tight to his chin and forcing him to look at him. "What did I tell you, Dan?" he asked, before dragging Dan in for a fierce kiss, lips dominating over his boyfriends.

Before Dan could even react, Phil was pulling away from his neck, and Dan couldn't even sort his thoughts out enough to pry his eyes open again. So he just clenched his eyes a bit tighter while Phil expressed his disappointment, tutting at him. Even then, Phil sounded mostly amused, as if he was somewhat glad Dan couldn't fucking contain himself. Has Dan mentioned how much of a dick his boyfriend was? He only opened his eyes into little slits when Phil forced his chin to turn towards him, whimpering at the clear dominance Phil was showing over him. Apparently he was a slut for dominance, and Phil was thriving on it. Dan was too though, so he couldn't exactly be mad about it. Phil surged forward and kissed him rather aggressively, all tongue and lips and teeth. He bit down on Dan's bottom lip and then smoothed over the wound with a hot tongue, leaving Dan a complete mess under his every touch. In that moment, Dan was ever grateful that Phil had picked a place away from everyone else because Dan didn't know how much longer he could contain himself. He was practically leaking precum already, his cock pressing tightly against his too-tight jeans, and Dan wanted nothing more than to get his hands down his pants just to relieve some of the ache. He didn't though, knowing Phil would definitely not approve of such behavior.

Dan's whimpers were definitely getting Phil going, and he sucked at Dan's lips harder, pushing into his side and trying not to tip over their snacks in the process as he got himself closer still to Dan. He liked the way Dan was falling apart under him, liked the way Dan couldn't seem to contain himself, liked the way he went limp and docile under Phil's lip. He wanted more, wanted so much more, but he was going to force them both to wait. He wanted this to be even better than the time Phil had gotten Dan off behind their friends, and then practically fucked him later when he'd got Dan alone. He wanted this to be a night Dan would always remember, and so, he pulled away from Dan's mouth and muttered, "Now the fun really begins." He didn't want to push Dan over the edge, didn't want to hurt him or let him cum, and he really was determined to make Dan get to the edge by his neck alone, but he was done teasing. If Dan couldn't keep his eyes open, then Phil was going to give him what he wanted, and show him exactly why that was a bad idea. He moved his mouth back over Dan's neck, but this time, he didn't hesitate to start nipping and sucking hotly, making wet smacking noises as he worked his mouth down his jawline and to his adam's apple, up along the curve of his neck and just behind his ear. He knew he was leaving marks behind, but he couldn't be bothered to care right now, not when Dan was shaking underneath him, bucking his hips and whining for more. Phil bit down at him, sucked and soothed over the pained bit of skin, and then moved on, moved back down, licked along Dan and huffed into his skin. "Taste good," he muttered, just against the shell of Dan's ear. "Want all of you," he gasped, grinning when Dan gasped underneath him. "Is that what you wanted?" he asked, biting down on his ear, and then moving back down, one hand bracing himself on Dan's thigh to feel it tremble. He could tell Dan was getting close by the way his boyfriend shook and moaned, but he didn't know when it would come, so, after a few more bites to Dan's neck, a little more sucking at his adam's apple, Phil pulled completely away, until he wasn't even touching Dan at all, and turned back to the movie with a triumphant smirk at the way Dan whined in distress at the lack of stimulation, but didn't reach for his own cock the way Phil had half expected him too. "Well, you got it," he stated calmly, and went straight back to eating his popcorn.

This was bad. This was bad. Well not really bad, because it felt so fucking good, but this was getting Dan going way too much and he had a terrible feeling that nothing was going to come out of this that he wanted. When Phil pulled away from Dan's lips to start sucking and biting at the skin of his neck, much harsher this time, Dan didn't have it in him to stop them. Phil felt too fucking good and he could deal with the repercussions later. For now? Dan was going to fucking enjoy it. He loved when Phil marked him more than anything, not giving a fuck that it'd be awkward to explain to his parents. He was putty in Phil's hands, bucking his hips and trying to relieve the ache in his trousers in any way that he possibly could. Phil was too damn good with his mouth now after all the practice they'd gotten this summer, and Dan could hardly bring himself to regret it now. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Dan cussed, his vocabulary apparently minimized to one single word. He threw his head back as Phil spoke hot words against his neck, his eyes practically rolling when Phil put a hand to his thigh. He was so close, his high building, his hips grinding into nothing. Just a little bit longer and he would be pushed over the edge just from his neck alone. "W-want you," Dan whispered, trying his hardest not to get them noticed by any of their surrounding peers. Just as the words were uttered though, Phil pulled away. Dan couldn't even hide the way that he let out a dejected and frustrated noise, hips stuttering with the loss and his hands clenching to fists at his sides. Dan glared at Phil when he spoke, his face red all the way to the tips of his ears and his lips wet with spit. He dug his nails into his palms to distract himself as Phil started to eat the popcorn again, completely ignoring him and not even touching him anymore. Dan wanted to kill him. After he got Phil to fuck him, of course. Instead of speaking his thoughts aloud, Dan just hissed out a frustrated, "I fucking hate you, you fucking wanker." He didn't mean the words, but he was hard and needing to cum and his dick was in a rather uncomfortable situation at the moment, all thanks to Phil.

Phil rolled his eyes and laughed off the comment completely, shrugging his shoulders at Dan's dramatics. "No you don't," he whispered back, offering the popcorn container back to Dan. The movie was just getting into that ridiculous scene where Bella goes into the woods with Edward, whose all grumpy and what not, and Phil was too busy laughing at it to even bother feeling any regret at his own arousal just then. Instead, he turned to Dan to start talking to him again, making fun of Edward's voice, the way Bella said "say it," like she actually believed all of this, and asked Dan if it were possible Bella was crazy. Dan, meanwhile, was breathing rather heavily, and not eating Phil's offered popcorn at all. Phil couldn't help feeling rather proud of himself at that.

Dan didn't care what Phil said. He actually did hate him. How couldn't he, after everything he was doing to his sanity? Dan couldn't seem to calm down, even as Phil thrusted the popcorn towards him, even when Phil started to laugh and joke about the movie. He couldn't get his mind off of how it would feel when Phil finally started to do more than just tease him. He wondered what Phil would do when they were alone, if he would maybe suck down Dan's cock and whisper words into his skin. If he would lick him open, his fingers unrelenting over his prostate. If he would fuck Dan into the mattress until he was unable to make any noise, the pillows blocking his sounds and making it hard to breathe. The possibilities were endless. How could he possibly focus on a dumb movie after imagining something like that? The pout stayed on his face and he grabbed their drink to quench his suddenly dry mouth, adjusting himself in his seat. His boner was pressed up uncomfortably to his jeans, making it painful, so he ended up giving in and reaching down to adjust himself, making it less noticeable how turned on he was while also making it more comfortable to sit regularly. His touch made him let out a sigh, but he didn't allow himself to do anymore than adjust himself, knowing that even touching himself in the first place was probably not something that Phil had wanted at all.

Phil's eyes followed all of Dan's movements, tracking them mostly out of curiosity, but also because he didn't want Dan touching himself to get himself off. It didn't seem like it was going to be a problem they were likely to encounter, and when Dan shifted his arm down, Phil could see that it was mostly to relieve the awkward pressure of his dick pressing to the zip of his jeans. Dan's soft, breathy little sigh got Phil a little bit more excited himself, until he was forced to look away and back up at the movie again. It wasn't a boring movie, with all the laughs it brought, despite it not being meant to be funny, and so Phil didn't mind watching it so much - besides, it gave him more time to mess with Dan. After another little while, Phil reached over and put his hand on Dan's knee, leaning in close to whisper in his ear, "Ready for round two?" Phil didn't give Dan much of a chance to reply before he was peppering his neck with little kisses again, fingers drumming softly on his knee and moving slowly up his thigh. He was grinning when Dan let out a little shocked huff.

Finally, finally, Dan was able to calm himself down. Now that his cock wasn't pressing against his zip in an uncomfortable fashion, he was able to focus less on his arousal and more on the movie. He tore open the pack of Maltesers to distract himself and popped one in his mouth, relaxing at the familiar taste. If he's being completely honest, he had close to no idea what was going on because he had been so distracted by Phil, but he picked it up again relatively quickly, giggling when there were parts that were a bit dumb. "How can anybody like this movie?" Dan snickered, shaking his head. "It's so cringey and disgusting. Imagine if /our relationship was like that. Would you still love me if I watched you sleep at night and drank animal blood and sparkled in the sun?" He was going to say more when Phil suddenly put his hand on his knee, and Dan felt his heart start to race in his chest. Round two? Oh god, how many rounds were there going to be? Dan didn't think he could fucking last that much longer and his body seemed even more sensitive this time, each kiss to his neck making Dan let out shocked breaths. Phil was an actual sex demon and Dan was quaking under his fingertips.

Phil hummed out a happy little laugh to have distracted Dan so thoroughly, and allowed his lips to trail lower down Dan's neck, before giving it up completely and pulling away a little, though his hand did not stop it's slow ascent up Dan's thigh. His fingers were gentle along the clothed skin, spread out properly to catch on Dan's bulge instantly upon reaching it. "If I answered your questions, you'd think I was disgusting and cringey as well, so I'd rather not," Phil whispered, smiling as Dan turned to him with wide, conflicted eyes. Phil waggled his own eyebrows, smirk growing on his mouth as his fingers finally trailed up and over Dan's thigh, dipping between his legs to tease along the sensitive, inner bits, and then traveled further up until Phil's fingers were encountering Dan's bulge. He didn't quite stop there, the touches mostly feather light as he trailed further up, but once he'd reached the very top of Dan's thigh, Phil allowed his hand to move back down, and then over Dan's bulge, where Phil cupped him gently. He felt Dan's hips jerk, and leaned in close again. "How's it feel?" he asked, squeezing lightly.

Dan let out a noise of disappointment as Phil backed away from his neck. It was strange because as much as he was being tortured, knowing this would probably not equate to an orgasm for him, Dan still enjoyed Phil's neck kisses and didn't want him to back away. He was conflicted, Phil's words echoing around in his head as he focused all of his attention on the light touches Phil gave to his thighs. Occasionally, his fingers would brush lightly over his bulge, making Dan huff and bite his lip to stop himself from making a loud noise. He both hated and loved Phil in that moment. "Feels- feels so good," Dan gasped out quietly, bucking his hips into Phil's touch, trying to get him to touch him more. He was aching and this wasn't fair and he wished Phil was as hard as he was at that moment. "God, I-," Dan gulped, closing his eyes while his mouth fell open slightly as Phil squeezed his cock through his jeans. "I want you to fuck me so hard after this."

Phil grinned, eyes bright as Dan's reaction, and squeezed just that little bit harder around the bulge in Dan's jeans, happy with the reaction it garnered for him. Dan moaned, soft and low, hips kicking even harder into Phil's hand, and Phil massaged harder, faster, watching as Dan started to come undone for him. "You sure you want me to fuck you, later?" Phil asked Dan, breath hot against his ear. "You sure you don't want me to get you off right here and now? How good do you think it's going to feel if you wait for me?" Phil asked him, moaning softly against the shell of Dan's ear. "I'm so hard for you, Dan. I promise if you wait like a good boy I'm going to take such good care of you. But if you say you can't wait - I'll let you come, right now," he whispered, pressing his palm down harder, strokes more firm as Dan practically withered underneath him. More than anything, Phil wanted Dan to say he'd wait, but even he could feel his own erection straining. watching Dan like this - Phil hadn't known it would turn him on so much. He wondered if even he could wait.

Phil's ministrations became even more irresistible. Soon enough, Dan was writhing under Phil's touch, eyes rolling with pleasure as Phil palmed him through his jeans. His words were hot in his ear, and Dan gulped, trying to keep himself quiet and attempting to think as hard as he possibly could with Phil treating him like this. Did Dan want to cum right then? Of course he did. He wanted it more than anything. He wanted Phil to continue, to bring him to release, to make him cum in front of all these other people. Dan was already spiraling into the bliss of orgasm, his head spinning and his groin tightening. His mouth had fallen open and he was panting, not even trying to hide how utterly turned on he was by Phil's handiwork. But then he stopped himself. He didn't want to cum right then. He wanted Phil to make him feel good, to fuck him until Dan was screaming, begging, for release. So with a shaky hand, Dan grabbed Phil's wrist and stopped his movements. His cock strained with despair at this, but Dan didn't let it deter him, remembering how good it was going to feel later. "S-stop," Dan gasped out. A bead of sweat was dripping down his face and Dan wiped it off shakily. "Wanna last. Want you to make me beg for it later. Wanna cum with you fucking me."

The sound of Dan's voice as he begged for more, begged to wait, begged for Phil to fuck, him, nearly made Phil come in his own pants. He moaned, panting softly in Dan's ear as his hips kicked, canted into the air, and nearly made him lose his breath with his own want. He was desperate to reach down and relieve some of the tension on his own dick, but Dan's hand was firm over his, forcing it away from Dan's dick, and Phil's other arm was too busy grasping to the seat behind him to even attempt to move it to his own dick. "Shit," he gasped against Dan, eyes fluttering closed. He wanted to kiss Dan, to get on his knees and suck him off right then and there, take him back home and fuck him so hard, he never forgot what Phil could do to him - but more than that, he just wanted to make this good for both of them, and so he released Dan and backed off. "I love you so much. You're so good for me, Dan," Phil managed, pulling away completely now so he could get himself under control.

At Dan's words, Phil let out a noise that should probably be illegal, his hips bucking in the air for a moment. It was as if he was as turned on as Dan was, and Dan had to close his eyes to get himself under control, to stop himself from reaching his own orgasm just from seeing Phil so turned on. He took a few deep breaths, whining deep in his throat when Phil pulled away from him completely once again. He tried to remind himself that it was all worth it, that he'd get rewarded later, but his cock was angry with him and it was rather painful. He gnawed on his lip, whimpering at Phil's words. "Love you too," he breathed out, pressing the palm of his hand into his eye to try and focus himself. "I want to be good for you."

It sent another rush of heat down Phil's spine to hear Dan say that like that. His voice was wrecked, and he was scrubbing at his eyes, and he wanted to be good for Phil. What else could Phil want in life? Before he could stop himself, Phil was shooting forwards and gripping Dan's chin in his hand only to drag him into another fierce kiss, teeth biting at Dan's lips before he soothed over the pain with soft little licks. Dan tasted to so good, was making little panting noises underneath him - and someone was clearing their throat. Phil pulled away from Dan with dazed eyes, only to realize a flashlight was on his face. He blinked up at the guy checking down the aisles, only to grimace a little and shake his head, relieved that they hadn't been doing anything else in that moment, and hoping their noises had been quiet enough. The attendant merely nodded, though, and continued on his way down the aisle, now his job was done, and then came back up it a few minutes later. All the while, Phil waited, tense, for him to be gone.

With Dan's admittance, Phil was suddenly surging forward and capturing Dan in a kiss that had him panting under him, in almost as much pleasure as he had been when Phil had his hands on him. Kissing Phil was just as good, in fact, especially when he was licking and biting and claiming Dan as his. It was hard to ground himself when Phil was practically attacking him and Dan ended up digging his nails into his palm to silence himself, to stop himself from making anymore noise. Good thing he did, too, because then someone was clearing their throat and Phil was ripping away from him, a bright light replacing the darkness of Dan's eyelids. He didn't open his eyes, trying his hardest to melt into the seat. He could practically feel the judging eyes of the attendant on them and he didn't want to seem even guiltier than he already was when they had a little stare down. So he stayed perfectly still, his arousal making him quiver, and tried his hardest to calm himself down. He stayed there for god knows how long, the sound of screams from the movie making his head swim. Finally, after hearing footsteps retreat for a second time, Dan opened his eyes to find Phil already staring at him, his gaze burning and intense, and Dan almost became a literal puddle once more.

It was so hard to keep his hands off of Dan, now. All Phil really wanted was to reach for him, touch him, make him make the noises he'd been making only a few moments before. But he had to pace himself, had to pace both of them, before he ruined the night entirely. Or, well, he supposed he couldn't possibly ruin the night, perse, but he'd ruin his plans, and that was nearly as bad. He just wanted to rile Dan up, try something new and go home to see just how spectacular an orgasm he could give both of them. Licking his lips, Phil leaned in once more to peck Dan quickly on the lips, before pulling away again. "Five minutes," he got out hoarsely, before reaching for the drink Dan had bought them and sucking it down quickly, suddenly incredibly thirsty.

Dan pouted as Phil took the drink, slurping it down quickly. He knocked his shoulder into Phil's, trying to distract himself by joking with his boyfriend. "Hey, you and your thirsty ass better save some for your amazing boyfriend," Dan whined, throwing in a pout just for good measure. Phil made a show to be much noisier and enjoy the drink much more, and Dan glared at him. He reached out and snatched it away from Phil, giggling triumphantly as he obtained it easily. "Mine," Dan said stubbornly, taking a sip even though he wasn't necessarily too thirsty. He needed to distract himself from his aching arousal, and joking with Phil was the perfect way to do so.

Phil snorted and nearly choked as Dan snatched the drink his hands away from him,and he made a loud complaining noise to make it clear to Dan that he was not happy about the circumstances they'd just been in. Dan didn't seem to care as he drank the soda just as loudly and enthusiastically as Phil had. Glaring at him, Phil couldn't help admitting that the joking around was definitely helping him to deal with his arousal. "Rude," he complained, and knocked shoulders with Dan. "You could share, Howell," he complained, though he knew Dan was just being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, and that Phil had very much so not been sharing himself a few moments ago.

"I'll share when you learn to give me proper rights to our drink," Dan quipped back, wriggling his eyebrows and slurping through the straw again. He made sure to give an overly enthusiastic eye roll to show that the drink was seriously something he enjoyed more than anything, just to make Phil mad. After he had finished and had practically downed half of the drink, he finally gave it back to Phil with an obnoxious wink. He bumped Phil's shoulder again with his own, settling into his side. Now that he wasn't nearly as turned on, he actually craved Phil's touch, wanted to be touching him in any possible way. He put his head on Phil's shoulder despite being taller than him, and sighed happily, closing his eyes as Phil warmed up his entire body.

Phil was a little bit surprised, to say the least, when Dan quite suddenly leaned over to rest against him, curling into Phil's side and pressing his head into the crook of Phil's neck. It was a nice, soft gesture, but completely at odds with what they'd been doing before. In fact, it was so at odds that it took Phil a moment to process it, but when he did, the arousal burning in his belly seemed to relax almost completely, and he sighed blissfully. It was nice, just being able to rest with Dan like this, nothing else in the way to bother them, sweet and gentle. Phil always loved these moments, but it suddenly felt like a proper date again, like a proper first date, and Phil reached over to thread his fingers through Dan's nervously, despite knowing he wouldn't be rejected. This just felt... oddly more intimate than the teasing from before. Fuck five minutes ago... Phil just wanted to do this for a little while.

All Dan apparently needed was for Phil to relax into him, cuddling into his side like Dan was doing to him. He wasn't being chastised for it, not like he thought he was going to be in the first place, and it made Dan's entire body warm. He was practically bathing in it, humming quietly as he let his eyes slip closed in absolute bliss. What they'd been doing only five minutes ago was now just distant memories and Dan truly felt like they were in one of those corny teenage romcoms now. "I love you," he sighed, and maybe he said so often, but he wanted to make sure Phil was always aware of how he made him feel. With Phil by his side, Dan could do pretty much anything. It was more than he could have ever asked for.

A smile tugged at Phil's lips, and he closed his eyes to just soak this moment in. They said I love you a lot, both the kind of person needy for it, and it was good, but it was moments like these that made the words even better. There was just something about the way Dan's voice went all soft and adoring, something about the breathy feel of it, and the emotion he managed to convey, that meant something different to the other times. This was a declaration of absolute affection, like nothing could come between them, and Phil was glad for it. Gently, he turned his head, and pressed a kiss to Dan's shoulder, whispering back "I love you, too, Daniel Howell."

Dan giggled at Phil's use of his full name, a shock of warmth going through his entire body. He could probably listen to Phil saying his name all day if he truly wanted to, and shuffled just a little bit closer to Phil. He pressed a kiss to the side of Phil's neck for good measure and then began paying attention to the movie once more. It seemed as if the movie was reaching the climax, and Dan had hardly been able to pay attention to what had gone on at all. The only thing he truly cared about was that Phil was beside him and they were having the best first date he could have asked for. Not to mention that he was slightly excited to get out of the theater, just so they could make their way back home and spend the remainder of their time together doing god-knows-what.

The movie was reaching it's climax, something that both excited Phil, and disappointed him. He hadn't meant to get so caught up in all of the ridiculous things he was doing to Dan, but at the same time, he'd wanted to do so much more. Sneaking a glance at his boyfriend's face, Phil reached over to take his hand and squeeze his fingers in his before letting him go entirely again. He tried to keep his face as straight as he could as he worked himself up to do the one thing he'd been imagining all night, the one thing he thought would really get Dan on edge, and make tonight the best night they had ever had before. Slowly, Phil reached for the waistband of Dan's jeans, and started to work his fingers away at both his button and his zip, pulling them down as quick as he could when he was shaking so much. Dan shot him a questioning look that Phil ignored, pretending as if nothing was happening at all, and slowly, started to work his hands into Dan's jeans, finding the slit in his boxers to pull his dick out, fingers fluttering along the soft, silky skin he found there.

A few minutes passed before Phil was suddenly moving, dislodging Dan's head from Phil's shoulder. He didn't mind much, Phil probably had to get a drink or eat some popcorn, so it only confused him when Phil didn't reach for the food, but instead reached for Dan. Considering the situation, Dan really shouldn't have been taken so off guard by this except for the fact that Phil was suddenly messing with his trousers, undoing the button and shoving them down enough to free Dan's half-hardened cock from the restraints of the uncomfortable material. He sucked in a breath, gazing at Phil with amazement as Phil then found the slit through Dan's boxers. His fingers were shaking as he pulled Dan's cock out into the open air, where everyone could see, and Dan was quivering as well. He gasped out Phil's name quietly, arching his hips into his touch and hoping it would spur Phil on to actually move, to take care of Dan and pleasure him like Dan has been craving.

The quiet mewl of his name made Phil closed his eyes, desperate to get Dan to make that sound again, and despite his terror at getting Dan off like this, in public, where anyone can see him exposed at any second, Phil didn’t stop. It was just like that day with their friends, where Phil didn't even bother to pretend to be ashamed as he'd gotten Dan off. Now, now, Phil slowly got his fingers around Dan's cock, and finally started to stroke, determined as Dan bucked into him to not let him come, but to get him so close to the edge Dan thought he was going to die if he didn’t come now. Giving up on the pretense of doing nothing, Phil turned and pressed his face into Dan’s neck again, licking lightly over the marked skin. "Fuck, you're so hot," he whispered, gripping harder to give Dan that little bit more pressure he seemed to need, fisting his fingers over the head of Dan's cock, and drawing them tight back down. Phil played with Dan's foreskin, but he didn’t tease, stroking rough and hard and fast, just wanting to make Dan see stars only to take it away again at the very last minute.

When Phil began to move his fist over Dan's length, he nearly lost it. It was rather embarrassing that Phil could get Dan worked up so easily, could make him lose all control as soon as he got his hands on him, but Dan didn't particularly care at that moment. It felt too good, so surreal, that he wanted nothing more than to have Phil get him off and make him whine in front of everybody in the theater. The thrill of doing this in public where anybody could see was nearly as good as it felt to have Phil's hands all over him. Even though he had been winding down and not feeling nearly as turned on before, he was already achingly hard, throbbing in Phil's fist, and he could already feel the precome beading on his tip. Phil's fingers were soft and his grip was so firm, and Dan let out another quiet gasp as Phil started to lick at his sensitive neck. His parents were going to be pissed that Dan's neck was marked, but he didn't care. He didn't care when Phil bit down on his skin, or when he flicked his wrist in a way that made Dan mewl, or when he swiped his thumb through Dan's slit. The only thing he cared about was Phil. And Dan was about ready to fucking explode.

Dan was starting to get more vocal, his body moving in synch with Phil's ministrations, a sign that he was getting close, but Phil didn't let up just yet. He was far too invested in the sounds Dan was making as he bit and licked at the sensitive skin of his neck. Phil's own dick was growing impossibly hard, throbbing against the zip of his pants, but he didn't care. Right now was about Dan, and all Phil wanted was to get him off properly - except, no, he didn't. He'd meant to tease, not get so lost in the sensations himself that he let Dan come before Phil had had his way with him. With one final suck at Dan's neck, and one final upstroke of his hand, Phil quite suddenly let Dan go, and reached for his cheeks, dragging him into a heated kiss to distract them both from Dan's imminent orgasm and to keep Phil from reaching down and just finishing up the job already.

Dan was so close. He was teetering right at the edge, about to fucking burst. It didn't take him long at all before he had gotten to this point, but Phil had such skilled hands. After being with each other sexually for the amount of time that they had been, they both found that it was easy to know what turned the other on. This could be either a blessing or a curse, and Dan didn't know whether to be frustrated or grateful that Phil was doing something like this for him. He bit down on his lip - hard - as Phil continued to jerk him off even more intensely, biting and sucking at the one spot on Dan's neck that felt better than the rest. He was panting, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead, and he really hoped that nobody would see him now when he was so fucking close. His groin was clenching, and he tightened his hands into fists to steel himself for his oncoming orgasm- except, it never came. Because Phil was pulling away completely, Dan's dick suddenly without the warm tightness of Phil's hand, and Phil was then pulling him into a hot kiss before he could even get a whine out. His hips were still bucking erratically into the air, his cock pulsing with the need to release, and Dan could feel tears of frustration in his eyes. He was so fucking close. And while kissing Phil was nice, it wasn't enough. He needed more. He needed Phil to get inside of him as soon as fucking possible.

Dan was whining into his mouth. It was clear he had no ability to focus on the kiss, saliva dripping down the sides of Phil's mouth from his attempts to get it deeper, to make it good, - nearly as good as the orgasm Dan had just been refused. Phil would have felt bad if he didn't have better plans for Dan, if Dan hadn't agreed to this. As it was, all Phil wanted now was to get Dan out of this movie theater, and back home and into one of their rooms so he could fuck Dan within an inch of his life. But first, Phil needed to know if that was alright, because he could hear the credits of the movie beginning to roll, and Dan's dick was still out for the world to see. Pulling back from his attack on Dan's mouth, Phil leaned into his ear instead. "Are you okay? Can you wait until we get home? I wanna take care of you, Dan. Please," Phil whimpered, reaching down to palm at his own erection for the first time all night, hips bucking into his touch the same way Dan's hips were bucking into nothing. "You're such a good boy," he gasped as he realized that Dan wasn't even reaching for himself. Phil would have. Phil would have reached for himself in an instant.

The kiss was sloppy, one that Dan wasn't necessarily proud of himself for. Phil was trying his hardest to make it pleasurable for the both of them, to make it a good and hot kiss, but Dan wasn't able to focus on anything. There was dribble running down the sides of their mouths, and Dan was making noises in the back of his throat that only made it worse. He barely noticed when the credits began to roll because he was so focused on Phil and his arousal, only noticing when Phil pulled away and started to speak to him. He could tell that his own eyes were probably glassy, his cheeks as red as his lips. His ears were roaring and Phil was looking as him like he was the hottest thing in the entire world. "I- yeah," Dan managed, wriggling his hips a bit. He was still horribly exposed but he didn't know if he could manage touching anything down there at the moment without wanting to just continue the job. So he waited, trying to angle his hips away from everyone walking past. He watched with hungry eyes as Phil began to palm himself and let out a small whimper as Phil called him a good boy. "Phil," Dan gasped out, putting his hands over his face to try and cool himself down. "Need you." It seemed as if Dan couldn't form any proper sentences at the moment, but he knew that Phil didn't mind.

"Yeah, yeah. I got you, baby," Phil muttered, already reaching for him to draw him back into an intense kiss, hoping it would not only distract them both, but keep anyone from glancing over at them at the end of aisle. Dan had shifted his lower body to hide the fact that he was most definitely exposed right now, and Phil wished he could lean over and just look, but he knew if he did, he'd be too tempted to get his mouth on his boyfriend. They couldn't afford that right now. So Phil just kissed him instead, took charge and tried to make Dan feel better about the lack of orgasm, coaxing his tongue out and playing with it lightly, nibbling on his lips, and sucking at his mouth until his lips were so cherry red, no one could mistake what they'd been doing. In fact, Dan's neck was probably a mess as well. That wasn't going to be easy to hide. Finally, the movie credits seemed to start dying out, and, terrified the cleaners would catch them, Phil released Dan's mouth to instead help him clean up. "You're so good, Dan. Better than me," Phil gasped, reaching for his dick and helping to tuck it away for Dan, who shuddered at his touch and whined the way he usually did when he was over sensitive. Phil couldn't imagine how over sensitive he felt now. "I would have asked to come, Dan. You're so strong, baby." As soon as Dan was all tucked away, Phil dragged him in for one last kiss, lingering and sweet, before adjusting himself in his own trousers and standing to reach for their leftover food. The popcorn had been mostly finished, the drink long gone, and the chocolates untouched. "Come on," he insisted, offering Dan his hand. "Let's get you home."

Dan didn't think he would ever get used to having Phil call him 'baby'. It was such an endearing nickname, one that Dan had never thought he'd like before. Usually, it was he who was calling a girlfriend by the name, but he'd never thought he'd be the one to like it when another man called him his baby. He did, though. He liked it a lot. Phil's kisses definitely weren't helping Dan to calm down much, just because he was so damn good at it, but at least Phil wasn't trying to touch him anymore. He reciprocated the kiss as best as he could, trying to focus on Phil's lips more than his own arousal. It was working slightly and before Dan knew it, he was only half hard and Phil was pulling away from him once more. Dan didn't want to stop kissing but he knew he's have to, that way they didn't get caught. "I knew you'd take care of me," Dan whispered, wincing as Phil tucked him away and zipped him back into his trousers. That was fucking uncomfortable and he was so sensitive it almost hurt. "I wanted both of us to feel really good later. Knew it'd be worth it." Phil kissed him once more and they stood up, Dan wavering on his feet a little bit. His legs felt like jelly but he refused to let that fact get in his way of going home and getting Phil just how he wanted him.

It made Phil so happy to know how much Dan wanted more than what Phil had been offering, and he felt another surge of arousal spark through him to hear that Dan wanted to wait for him. The power that gave him was too much, almost, except they both knew that Phil would never abuse it. He couldn't - he would hate himself too much for that. Still, Phil had to stop for a moment and close his eyes to pull himself back together before he could take Dan's hand and continue to walk with him. Feeling particularly emotional and clingy himself, Phil drew Dan close into his side, and held him as they both walked. The trek home, he worried, was going to be a long one. "I'll always take care of you," Phil finally responded as they exited the theater room, having to stop and swallow thickly. It was just, he loved Dan so much, and the trust between them in this was... massive. "I just want to get you home. GIve you anything you want, baby," Phil promised, so, so tempted to just stop and shove Dan up against a wall right there and then.

Dan smiled fondly and cuddled into Phil's side as he pulled him close. He loved being next to Phil, loved feeling, well, loved. Phil was warm and familiar and he knew that he would take care of him no matter what they did together. He allowed Phil to lead them, head too much in the clouds to really pay attention to their surroundings. "I can't wait to get home," Dan mused, pressing a chaste kiss to the side of Phil's neck. He sighed and nuzzled his nose against the skin there before backing away and continuing to follow Phil out of the theater. "This better be worth the wait," Dan teased, bumping his hip into Phil and flashing him a wide smile.

Honestly, Phil couldn't wait to get home either. There was nothing more he wanted than to have Dan writhing on the bed underneath him, right now, and if he had it his way, Dan would be riding him for once. It was Phil's personal favorite position, next to taking Dan from behind, but he liked it even better because he got to watch Dan pleasure himself on Phil's cock and see his face. Even thinking of it now made Phil shiver, until he was sending Dan a hungry look at his teasing and the bump to his hip. "I promise," Phil said, his voice all husky with want, cock twitching in his jeans. Dan's pupils enlarged, and Phil thought, maybe, Dan was having a similar response in his own black trousers. "God, Dan. I'm going to make you see stars."

While Dan's comment was relatively innocent, Phil's mind seemed to go to a completely different place. Dan saw his eyes darken, could see the way Phil's face was suddenly filled with lust and longing, and he was fixing Dan with a gaze that made Dan's hands start to quiver. His neglected cock twitched in his jeans, painfully sensitive, but he didn't try to touch himself now. He would wait for Phil, he would make sure that he could be a good boy for Phil. He made a low whimpering sound in his throat, gripping hard onto Phil's hand and trying not to think about how it would feel to finally have Phil's cock buried deep inside of him. He managed a small 'please' but otherwise couldn't seem to find his voice. How would they do it this time? He would probably do anything Phil asked of him at this point. He just needed to get home.

Dan's whimpered "Please," was so hoarse and quiet it almost wasn't there at all, and it pulled at Phil's cock until he was just as desperate as Dan, feeling like he must be leaking by now. All Phil needed in life was to get Dan home and into his bed, so he didn't waste anymore time in speed walking Dan back to Dan’s house. They'd originally agreed to head back there because Phil had though Dan's parents wouldn't know they were a couple, and a sleepover would mean less, but even with that new factor involved, Phil didn't mind going to Dan's. He did like being there, after all, and it only made it better that they kind of sort of had permission to be together now. Phil knew Dan's parents weren't going to stop them from doing anything as they seemed to understand they'd already done things in the past. As soon as they reached Dan's doorstep, however, Phil started to grow a little nervous. It wasn't that late, and he could see the flicker of a TV screen from the window. Phil swallowed… would they be allowed in Dan's room alone together?

It seemed as if something clicked inside of Phil because he was suddenly walking so quickly that Dan could barely keep up with him. He managed, though, taking longer strides in attempt to ignore the nagging hardness in his trousers. Soon enough, they were approaching Dan’s doorstep, and only then did Phil start to slow down. In fact, he seemed to stop completely, looking at the door with something akin to hesitation. Dan touched his shoulder lightly, trying to comfort him while wondering what was wrong. "Are you okay?" Dan murmured quietly.

"Your parents are still awake," Phil mumbled as he turned back around. "I - I - I thought they'd be asleep. I uhm... Should we swap houses?" Phil asked, unsure. Did they need to go back to his own, instead, or find a place to - to finish what Phil had started without thinking things through. "I don't want to get you in trouble, or make you wait any longer than you already have," Phil explained quietly, flicking his gaze back into the window where he'd seen the light from a TV.

Dan hesitated, looking between his house and Phil. Now that Phil had mentioned it, he could also see the television flickering through the window shades and he was filled with uncertainty. Obviously his parents knew he was having a healthy sex life. But would they be okay with him trudging Phil up to his room, obvious hickies all over his neck and stiff arousal coursing through him? Would they just let it slide? Would Dan have to watch his actions and make himself be quiet? Could he even be quiet after being edged for so long? Gnawing on his lip, he turned back to Phil and cocked his head to the side. "Is your mum home? My only issue is I don't know if I can necessarily... be quiet today."

Phil's mum was definitely home, but she also wasn't expected Dan or Phil to come back to her place today. If Dan couldn't be quiet, for all Phil knew, she was going to end up with the scare of her life to hear them around. Nervous, Phil nodded his head. "Yeah, she is. Uhm..." Phil trailed off. He really, really didn't think doing this in public was a good idea, and he hadn't brought any lube or any condoms. They were definitely not at the stage where Dan could even think of taking Phil without lube, and Phil was not a fan of barebacking when they hadn’t been tested yet. He bit his lip, turned to Dan. "Do you think - what do you think of us - maybe we could turn on your tv, put a movie on? If they're watching something downstairs, maybe they won't notice? Or like... how much trouble do you think you'd get in?" Phil asked.

With the news that Phil's mum was home, Dan could feel his stomach drop before new hope started to raise in his chest at Phil's next words. If they happened to put a movie on, there was a higher possibility that they could avoid any noise leaking downstairs. Hell, even if they just put on Dan's record player super loud, they could probably get away with it. Slowly, Dan started nodding. "It could work," he said, excitement showing in his voice. Before Phil could reply, he was grabbing Phil's hand and yanking open the door, tugging him inside. Just like he was prepared for, his mum turned to look at him from the couch. "Dan?" She asked. "How was your date?" Dan didn't stop to chat, continuing to tug Phil towards the stairs to his room. "Date was great, I bought him a shake and we saw a dumb movie. We're going to go watch another dumb movie and get ready for our sleepover." He said it in a rush and he could feel the surprise coming off of Phil in waves, but he didn't comment on it. "Okay honey. Have fun!" Dan's mum called after them, but Dan was already upstairs, closing the door behind them and rifling through his stack of movies.

Phil didn't even get a chance to react, to say or do anything, really, before Dan was grabbing tight to his hand and pushing open his front door. The next few moments were a whirlwind, with Phil hardly having a chance to toss Dan's parents a quick smile before Dan was rushing past the doorway to the lounge and zipping up the stairs, shouting over his shoulder about dumb movies and milkshakes. Phil fully expected Dan's mum to stop them, to call them back, but she didn't, telling them to have fun while Dan tugged Phil through his bedroom door and closed the door behind him. Eyes wide, Phil watched as Dan started to shuffle through his stacks of DVD's. "Holy shit, Dan," Phil murmured, rock hard in his jeans. "Brazen, much?" he asked, growing excited.

"Shut up," Dan hissed, trying to figure out which movie to put on that would be loud enough to hide their actions. He ended up picking The Revenant, feeling slightly weird about having sex to a fucking bear attack but sliding it into the dvd player regardless. As he was doing so, he was speaking, voice low and demanding. "If I don't have your cock in me within the next five minutes, you will have a very cranky boyfriend on your hands," Dan stated nonchalantly. He straightened up, clicking through the advertisements of the movie until he was on the home screen. Pressing play, Dan turned and gave Phil a sly smile. "I think I've waited long enough," he purred.

The words went straight to Phil's dick, and his mouth fell open at the very thought of it. All he wanted was to be buried inside of Dan at this point. He could already feel it, able to remember quite clearly just how warm and tight Dan always was for him. Phil found himself moaning before he could help himself, and instantly started to pull at his belt buckle, sliding his belt from his jeans rather quickly. "Is the door locked?" Phil asked, breathless, as he wrestled with his jeans next, bulge pressing tight against it and making it difficult to pull his zip down without getting distracted. He wanted so badly to just palm himself while he watched Dan, but being inside of him would be about a million times better, Phil was sure.

"Door's locked," Dan said nonchalantly. He crossed his arms as he watched Phil struggle with the belt and zip of his trousers, slightly amused but mostly impatient. After a few seconds had passed and Phil still hadn't managed to take his jeans off, Dan sighed with exasperation. "Oh my god, just get them off already," Dan whined. He crossed the space between them, shoving Phil's shaking hands out of the way to replace them with his own. He nearly moaned aloud at the feel of Phil's bulge finally in his hand, but the sound of the movie swallowed his noise. "You're taking far too long. I don't appreciate that," Dan murmured mindlessly, marveling at the expanse of skin that showed as he unzipped Phil's trousers and shoved them past his milky thighs.

Phil was more thankful than he could say when Dan marched right on up to him to take care of him himself, and he shivered at the sound of Dan's voice as he claimed that Phil was taking too long. If it meant Dan would help him, Phil didn't care how long it took him - he just wanted Dan, wanted to touch him already, to have him all over him, and fuck, the way it felt to have Dan cupping his dick like that, holding him... "Please," Phil whispered as Dan moaned, the sound lost to the sound of the movie Dan had put on. "Dan," Phil gasped, stepping out of his pants the minute Dan shoved them past his legs. Phil reached for the hem of his shirt and tore it over his head thoughtlessly, reaching for Dan instantly and dragging him in for a hot kiss.

Kissing a mostly naked Phil while he was still completely dressed was something that Dan didn't think he'd ever get used to. It made him feel powerful, dominant like Phil usually was. Phil was kissing him so passionately that it made Dan's knees weak. His fingers trailed over the naked skin of Phil's back and chest, finally feeling him like he'd wanted to so bad during the movie. He bit down on Phil's lip harshly, tugging him closer until he could feel Phil's bulge rubbing against his own. It made him whine in his throat and he backed away, panting. "Phil, I'm gonna fucking explode if you don't touch me right now," Dan whimpered, giving his dominance easily back to Phil.

It was a strange role reversal for a moment, with Dan being the one fully dressed and touching Phil while Phil remained completely vulnerable to him, but Dan gave the dominance up so completely so quickly that Phil couldn't say no. He just reached for Dan at his request and grabbed the hem of his shirt to drag it over his head, tossing it over his shoulder in his haste and then grabbing Dan's belt loops with his fingers to drag him forward until they were both stumbling backwards. Phils legs hit the bed, and then they went tumbling backwards, with Dan in top of Phil and their crotches pressed tight together by Phil's hold. "You're gonna ride me, Dan Howell," Phil growled into his ear. "And you aren't going to come until I tell I do," he added before dragging Dan back into a hungry kiss. Phil knew he wasn't going to last long at all anyway, but it was the words that mattered.

Thankfully, Phil was abiding by Dan’s wishes and was all too eagerly gaining back his dominance. He easily dragged off Dan's shirt before allowing them both to tumble on the bed. Dan groaned, high pitched and needy as their crotches were pressed tight together. He hadn't known how much he'd needed the stimulation until now, and he was already so close to coming that he could feel it thrumming under his skin. But then Phil's words were echoing through his skull, bringing him back to reality, and Dan whined into the skin of Phil's neck. He didn't know how long he could wait, honestly, and he was quite certain he was going to cum as soon as Phil's cock was inside of him, but he didn't dare complain. Not now, when he was finally getting what he wanted. "Anything," Dan gasped out, head spinning. "Just- fucking do something to me, Phil! I'll be a good boy, I promise!"

Dan saying things like that, they always went straight to Phil's dick, and before he could stop himself, he was grasping at Dan's button and forcing it through the hole, not bothering with Dan's zipper before he tugged at the waistband of Dan's pants and yanked them down to his knees. "Off. Now," Phil insisted, struggling with his own boxers, and not bothering to get them anywhere past his cock. He just needed to be out, he didn't care if Dan soiled his clothing. He needed Dan now. Dan climbed off of him just long enough to strip himself of his clothing, and while he did that, Phil scrambled for the lube he knew to be under Dan's pillow. There was a condom there as well, which made Phil smirk, and he slicked up his fingers instantly while Dan clambered back over the top of him. "Spread your legs," Phil insisted, before moving his hand between them and staring up at Dan, finger teasing at his rim. "Be my good boy," he whispered, before pressing it in.

Trying his best to do as Phil said, Dan began to remove his clothing, hazardously throwing them across the room in his rush. His skin prickled as the coolness of the air touched him, and he shivered, but soon enough he was back in Phil's warm arms, letting out a slight displeased noise that Phil hadn't removed his boxers all the way. He didn't get to express his displeasure, though, because Phil was telling him to spread his legs, to be good, and there was no way in hell Dan couldn't just listen to him. He obliged, spreading his legs further from where he was sitting atop of Phil's lap. It forced his back to arch slightly, sticking his ass out, and he shivered as Phil's lubed finger circled his rim. Dan was about to gripe at him to get a move on, and then Phil was finally getting his finger inside of him. Dan's head fell to the side, his jaw slack. His body was so sensitive that it sent sparks shooting up his spine at just the single intrusion. He wanted more. Dan's head fell to Phil's shoulder and he whined loudly, trying to get Phil's finger ever deeper, thankful that he'd turned the sound of his television up so high.

The minute Phil's finger pressed past Dan's rim, Dan was collapsing into him. The movement made Dan's back arch delicious, caused his ass to push backwards in the most beautiful of ways, and made his lean body fit against Phil's perfectly. Phil groaned at the sight of it, and used the hand not currently stretching Dan open to run his hand down the curve of Dan's body. Phil was never going to get over his beautiful Dan's body was, how pretty and smooth he felt, how good he was under Phil's hands, and he ended up mouthing along Dan's jawline and neck as he moved his finger in and out. Dan was already so loose, so pliant against him, that Phil did not hesitate to just go ahead and press a second finger in alongside the first. He did meet resistance then, as he always did, but he never rushed. Phil was so, so careful, because as much as Dan could enjoy pain, stretching improperly could make things so, so much worse than it was worth. "I love you so much, Dan. You look so beautiful under me, your back arched all pretty, your bum pressing back against me. I can feel your cock pulsing against my stomach. Want it inside me one day, wanna feel you fuck me so deep I can feel you on the inside too. Not tonight, though - no, no tonight you're gonna fuck yourself on me, Dan. You're gonna fuck yourself on me until I come, and then I'm gonna watch you come undone on top of me, too."

Dan was on fire. He could barely keep himself upright on top of Phil because he felt so fucking good all over. Phil was running one hand all over his body, caressing him and leaving trails of heat all over Dan's skin. When he started to put in a second finger along with his first, Dan tried to relax his body to make the process easier. While fingering was pleasurable to Dan, he also knew that this was a vital part of their sex life that couldn't be rushed no matter what. Regardless, Dan liked the feeling of being stretched open, of having Phil get him ready for his cock. When Phil started to speak, Dan's hips bucked and a low whine escaped his throat. He thought of the image Phil put into his head, of having his cock buried deep inside of Phil. He had no doubt in his mind that Phil would be so warm, so tight, and Dan would have the pleasure of knowing that he would be the very first person to ever have his cock inside of Phil. "Love you," Dan whispered. He shivered and started to fuck himself on Phil's fingers - just slightly. Phil was going so slow and he needed him now. "I would like that someday. You'd be so gorgeous all laid out for me, my cock buried deep inside of you. I can't wait to show you how good you make me feel." Dan shivered and tried to push the image away, that way he didn't cum too early. "Fuck Phil, I need you inside me. I've been waiting so long," Dan whined.

Phil had to close his eyes, gasping against Dan's neck as Dan started to push himself backwards, started to fuck himself on Phil's fingers, just as slow as Phil as Phil slowly started to scissor them outwards. Dan's body was so warm and accepting of him, used to the intrusion, used to Phil pressing inside of him, stroking along his walls. The way he was speaking, though, that was what was really getting to Phil. He couldn't even imagine how it would feel to have Dan inside of him. They'd not even tried fingering Phil before, Dan far too obsessed with the sensation to trade off just yet, and while Phil didn't mind, seeing how badly Dan wanted his cock was making him curious as to how good it could feel - not to mention, he really was turned on by the idea of Dan's dick being inside of him, practically massaging his belly button from the inside. Phil knew that wasn't technically possible, but the idea of it - he'd always gotten off on that. "I know, love, I know. Shh, I promise, I promise, just a little bit longer." Phil was terrified of hurting Dan. He knew it wouldn't hurt in the moment, but the results could be disastrous. After they'd gotten home from camp, Phil had done research, and the possibility that he could have torn something inside of Dan had broken his heart. Not doing a thorough enough stretching could cause bleeding and the like, and Phil was not having that. Still, Dan's dick was leaking, throbbing as he fucked himself slowly, so Phil went ahead and pressed in a third finger slowly, before allowing Dan to keep moving on top of him.

"Phil, Phil, Phil!" Dan exclaimed loudly, inhaling deeply as Phil was suddenly pressing in a third finger. The stretch was absolutely delicious and it took a few moments for Dan's body to get used to it, but when he was, he started the slow ministrations of his hips once more. Phil was scissoring his fingers, stretching Dan open as wide as he could, and Dan was so glad once again that his television was on so loud. He just hoped his parents wouldn't try to come up the stairs and hear Dan moaning, because that could be embarrassing as hell. In order to make himself stop from begging Phil for more - he knew that they needed to be careful, so he didn't want to push it - he latched his mouth onto Phil's collar bone and bit down harshly, hoping he was going to leave a pretty red mark.

It was almost too much, when Dan quite suddenly leaned over and bit hard at Phil's exposed collarbones. Phil knew why, knew Dan was trying to control himself, to allow Phil to take care of him, but it was the most intense and delicious feeling ever. Phil loved it when Dan bit him, loved it when Dan did just about anything to him, but in particular if it meant leaving marks behind that showed just how much pleasure Phil had given to Dan. His own finger nails dug into Dan's skin as he swiped them down Dan's back. Dan arched into the touch, his hips stuttering and his back shifting until his dick was pressing up into Phil's flesh. Fuck, how Phil wanted to touch that, to have that in his mouth, or to tease it with his fingers, but he'd pushed Dan enough as it was, if the sweat on his forehead wasn't obvious enough at that point. "Dan," Phil gasped as Dan bit down again, laving and licking over his flesh, finger stuttering inside of Dan. It was hard to keep a good pace, a proper stretch, when Dan was biting at him. Phil's cock throbbed, and all he wanted was to press himself in already.

One of the things that Dan would never get tired of was how Phil reacted to his bites. No matter how harshly Dan bit down, Phil would find it pleasurable, would keen underneath Dan and run his fingernails down Dan's back. Dan could feel his nails biting into his skin, making him arch again under the touch and press closer to Phil. His cock was pressed tight to the squishy skin of Phil's stomach, creating delicious friction and making him moan into Phil's skin. He pressed back down onto Phil's fingers, lifting his head from Phil's collarbone and admiring the dark red mark painted there. He pressed his thumb into it in awe. "You're like a fucking painting," Dan murmured, licking his lips and allowing his eyes to rake over his boyfriend's apparel. He loved the way Phil's black hair was mussed and tousled over the white of his pillow, his lips cherry red, and his eyes glossy with lust. He was the most gorgeous thing Dan had ever seen.

"Your painting," Phil agreed, panting harshly and hardly able to keep his eyes open to look at Dan. It was just, everything about Dan was attractive, beyond attractive, even, and Phil wanted nothing more than to have him like this forever. It was mostly just the lust talking, but Phil was always attracted to Dan, and having him completely naked and disheveled on top of Phil, desperate with his need to come, was all the better. Phil bit his lip, and grunted as his hips bucked up against Dan, just needing some kind of friction. Dan felt so good on top of him, to the point where Phil found himself throwing his head back on the pillow with his own desire to come, all the while finger fucking Dan as slowly as he could manage and stretching him open to take Phil's cock. "God, Dan. Are you ready?" he asked. "I'm not gonna last."

Dan nearly jumped on the chance as soon as it was presented. He was vibrating with the anticipation, nodding erratically and wriggling his hips, somewhat like a happy dog. "I've been ready," Dan growled, his patience wearing out as he thought of everything Phil could have done to him by now. Everything that Phil hadn't done yet. He was ready, more than ready. He wanted Phil's cock in him. But he waited. He waited for Phil's okay, giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes he could possibly manage. "Can I pretty please with sugar on top fuck myself on you?" Dan asked sweetly, moving to sit up on Phil's thighs. His mouth watered at the sight of Phil's dick, all hard and red and leaking precome, standing tall against Phil's pale stomach.

Phil had just wanted to make sure that Dan was prepared enough, never wanting him to hurt in the aftermath because they'd both been too desperate and too needy to just do it already. The rush wasn't worth the extra pain or Dan potentially never wanting to do this again. Still, when Dan pulled off of Phil's fingers to sit up straight on his thighs, and he stared down at Phil with those insanely dark eyes, whispering the strangest string of words he’d ever that that still managed to be arousing just from the way he said it, Phil gave in with a loud groan. "Yes, yes, yes," he chanted, canting his hips up and reaching down to fist himself for a second, stroking over his hard length and gasping at the feeling of it. He was aching, absolutely aching for it, and he just wanted Dan to sit on him already. Dan, who Phil could feel moving, Dan, who, when Phil opened his eyes, looked to be panting, red faced and needy. Phil reached for his hips, one hand sliding up his body to end up tangled in his hair, and dragged him into a fierce kiss, nipping at Dan's lips because he could and because Dan liked it and because Dan always wanted to be dominated. Bossy bottom he might be, but, well, Phil knew what he liked by now. "Fuck yourself on me," Phil whispered, and bit at Dan's lips once more. "Want you too, Daniel. Want you to use me."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Phil was kissing him. Dan could barely breathe. He could feel Phil's hands gripping him, their bodies flush tight together, and he wanted more, more, more. So when Phil was offered, telling him to fuck himself on him, Dan was suddenly scrambling off of Phil to rifle through his bedside drawer. He heard Phil's noise of complaint, but he didn't bother to explain as he grabbed a foil packet and clambered back onto Phil's thighs. While Dan had thought about not using condoms with Phil before, they both hadn't talked about it with each other yet so he would rather take their usual precautions and not regret their decisions later on. As quickly as possible, Dan tore open the packet and started to roll it onto Phil's length, humming as his hand came in contact with Phil's girth. It was heavy and hard in his hand, and he would love to get it in his mouth. But not now. No, he had other plans for now. He snatched the lube up from beside Phil and started to spread it over Phil's cock before moving himself so Phil's tip was pressed against his entrance. He waited, looking at Phil with pleading eyes. "Can I?" he begged. "Please." He was about desperate at this point, so when Phil gave the okay, Dan didn't hesitate and sank down onto Phil, mouth dropping open in a moan.

It was incredibly distressing to have Dan pulling away from him, and Phil was whining before he could help himself, tangled up in the boxers he'd failed to take off completely and so unable to properly chase after Dan. He ended up kind of just attempting to stretch his body after Dan and failing, his hips arching into nothing as he watched Dan scramble in his bedside drawer for the missing condom of earlier, before returning and rolling it onto Phil. The feeling of Dan's hand engulfing him, even just to put on the condom, made his breathing hitch, and he tried to spread his legs some, but his boxers were still in the way, and then Dan was lubing him up and - and - "Fuck me," Phil said, and Dan slammed himself home. The feeling of Dan's tight heat surrounding Phil's cock made him surge forward to take Dan's mouth into his, licking into him aggressively until split was pooling down the sides of their mouths. Phil didn't care, reaching for Dan's hips already and moving them of his own accord, even as Dan tried to fuck himself onto Phil. Phil needed the control, though, was desperate for it, and canted his hips up and down as he moved Dan's hips for him. His back was no longer against the bed as he bent forward to get Dan at the best angle, to continue kissing him while they did this, feeling the heat curl in his belly already. He'd been hard for so long, desperate for so long, and he truly did not think he was going to last. It didn't help with all the low sounds Dan was making against his mouth, under his tongue, unable to focus on the kiss any better than Phil. Phil's fingers tightened on Dan’s hips, one hand moved to scratch his nails up Dan's spine. "Dan," he moaned into Dan's mouth. "Dan, I'm so - I - fuck, Dan, Dan."

Dan didn't waste any time to bottom out, knowing he could take all of Phil's cock. The stretch was delicious and he loved how he could feel Phil so deep inside of him, loved how he could feel exactly where they were connected. It took him a moment to recover from the initial shock and pleasure of sinking down on Phil's dick, and he didn't even get the chance to fully before Phil was kissing him - hard. It was sloppy and messy and Dan was trying and failing to move his hips in a nice rhythm. He could feel Phil sliding in and out of him, slick with lube and so thick. All of the sensations made Dan a moaning and writhing mess on top of Phil. He couldn't control himself, but luckily Phil didn't expect him to. Phil was gripping his hips with so much strength it would surely leave bruises, manhandling Dan's hips so he was moving up and down to Phil's liking. It was dirty and hard and Dan always was a slut for Phil being dominant. "Fu-uck," Dan groaned out, sitting up a big straighter and bracing himself with his hands on Phil's chest. He used Philms chest as leverage to fuck himself harder, slamming his hips down onto Phil's cock like his life depended on it. He could already feel himself drawing close, knew he wasn't going to last long. He only hoped he could last longer than Phil did. "Feels so good," Dan whined.

It didn't take long for Dan to move his hands to Phil's chest and shove him back down onto the bed, pulling away so the only parts of them really touching anymore were their hips and Dan's hands on Phil's chest. Phil didn't have it in him to complain when Dan started to really ride Phil, shoving himself up and down roughly and at a rather quick pace - not that Phil could blame him. His own hands had fallen back to the bed, and he wanted so badly to reach for Dan's cock to stroke him off, but Phil was so blissed out he couldn't think straight anymore. All of his senses were assaulted by Dan, leaving neither of them any room other than to just attempt to consume each other. Dan was so tight on him, as he always was despite the stretching, and the way he moved caused him to keep hitting all the perfect spots, getting Phil deeper inside of him. It was not long before Phil had been reduced to a fucking puddle of nothing but panting gasps and ragged breaths. The heat in his stomach coiled tighter and tighter. Phil reached for Dan. "Gonna - gonna fill you up," Phil gasped. "Dan, gonna - gonna make you mine. All mine. For the whole world to see, Dan, fuck, just like that!" Dan kept going, stretching his body so the angle would allow him to take as much of Phil's cock as possible, and the fact that he could never seized to amaze Phil when he'd read online that it could be too much for some men. Phil's hands tried to caress Dan as best as he could, but when the orgasm ripped through him, he was unable to do anything except moan and scrabble for a half, gasping Dan's name again and again and wishing he could give his boyfriend so much more.

Riding Phil was turning out to be one of Dan's new favourite positions. He liked the way it got Phil so much deeper inside of him, hitting him just how Dan liked, obliging to Dan's wishes. He loved the feeling of sitting on Phil's cock, of being stretched open so wide. Phil's hips were bucking slightly, just enough to help Dan bounce on his cock, and each thrust went straight into Dan's prostate. Dan was moaning, clenching around Phil to make it more pleasurable for the both of them. When Phil gasped out dirty words, Dan could feel that they were both already so, so close. His cock was leaking and he could feel Phil's thrusts getting slightly more erratic. "Fill me up," Dan panted out. He could feel his orgasm start to charge towards him, so he reached down with one hand and grasped the base of his dick to stave himself off. He had to be a good boy for Phil. "Come on Phil, make me yours. I want your cum." He knew the words were pointless. Phil was wearing a condom, which is what he'd actually be filling up, but the words seemed to send Phil over the edge anyways. He came hard, his hips stuttering in a way that made Dan whine. This was always Dan's favourite part because he could feel Phil's cock pulsing, spilling into the condom, holding Dan in place so he was buried deep inside of him. Dan moaned loudly, swiping his thumb over the head of his cock. He needed to come, it was building inside of him and begging for release. "Phil, please?" Dan begged. "I need to come. I've been such a good boy for you. Can I please come?"

Phil's hips stuttered erratically, and his jaw had fallen open in ecstasy, trying desperately to get himself as deep as he could to make the pleasure of orgasm last longer. Dan was clenching around him as well, still trying to move, groaning on top of Phil, and Phil couldn't help wondering what it must feel like for Dan. Unfortunately, he was so blissed out and boneless that despite wanting to reach for Dan, he couldn't, couldn't take his cock in hand and take care of him. What was worse was how long it took him to realize that Dan was waiting for permission to come, and Phil felt another surge of arousal and another wave of orgam crash through him at Dan calling himself a good boy. "So good, so good, so good, come for me," Phil managed, this feeling working to overwhelm him completely until he absolutely had to close his eyes just to gain his senses back. His chest was heaving, and he could feel Dan coming apart on top if him, cum landing on Phil's chin, and he didn't even care because he knew that it meant he'd made Dan feel good and that was all that mattered. Dan had been so fucking good for him, Phil wanted to give him the world back.

When Phil gave him the okay, that was all Dan needed to quite literally explode. With one more stroke of his cock, he was coming hard all over Phil's chest. His body sagged, mouth falling open as a moan ripped out of him, and his body was quivering with the force of his orgasm. He clenched hard around Phil's softening dick, hips moving slightly to stimulate his prostate just that little bit more, and he was sure this was the most intense orgasm he'd ever had. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Dan cried out, raising his other fist and biting hard on his knuckle to stifle himself. Phil's hands were resting limply on his hips, thumbs stroking the naked skin there but not moving otherwise. Dan watched through half lidded eyes as a droplet of cum splattered on Phil's chin. He would have laughed if he had the energy, but he didn't, so he ended up just collapsing on Phil's chest, not even caring that they were both messy and streaked with cum.

Phil was far too out of it to be very aware of himself just then, so when Dan collapsed onto his chest, muttering expletives as he came, Phil could do nothing but just let him. He didn't have the energy to hold him, wasn’t sure if he was holding Dan at all at that point, and wanted nothing more than to go to bed now. He was just - he was so overwhelmed and happy and blissed out. Today had been pretty fucking amazing, especially for a first date, and everything had gone just how Phil would have wanted it too. Dan had come out to his parents, they were out to the world now, no longer hiding their affections, and Phil had gotten to try something new with Dan in the bedroom. His lips were quirking with a smile as he came down from his high, shifting hands he realized were on Dan’s hips up and over his back to hold him properly. "I love you," he told Dan, and meant every word of it. "You are, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me." Both of their chests were heaving, they were panting and trying to come down from their high, but Phil thought the words were important, and the teasing all night had been totally worth it.

Dan was floating. It seemed as if an intense orgasm was exactly what he’d needed to end the day with, along with Phil's arms wrapped around him and sweet words being whispered in his ear. He smiled, his cheek squished to Phil's sweaty chest, and hummed tiredly. "Love you too," Dan murmured, yawning. He felt as if he could sleep for years with Phil as his comfortable pillow. "I'm glad I met you over the summer. I don't think my life would be as great as it is now if I hadn't." And it was true. This summer was a roller coaster for the both of them, with Dan figuring out his sexuality, losing his virginity, and making the ultimate best friend that he'd been looking for his entire life. Dan didn't want to think of how his life would be if he hadn't met Phil.

"Me too," Phil agreed softly, shifting his hips some and feeling his cock slip out of Dan. Dan whined, but Phil knew it was for the best as he reached down carefully to pull the condom off. He didn't have the hands to tie it off at the moment, so he just kind of held onto it until he could move again, and let himself relax. At the very least, Dan wouldn't be in too much pain overnight now with Phil staying inside of him too long. "I'm glad I let my mum convince me to go to that camp," he added softly, pressing a kiss to Dan's sweaty head, shifting a little bit more uncomfortably, and managing to get the condom tied off. He dropped it because he knew he could, knew he'd remember to take care of it later, or in the morning, whichever came first, and then just went ahead and went back to holding Dan. "Because you've taught me more than I ever expected to learn about love, and all that comes with it. You, Dan... are amazing." And today had only gone to show Phil jus thow amazing. Dan had quelled so many of Phil's insecurities, and given Phil more than he'd ever imagined he would get from someone else. Their relationship so far had been a roller coaster of firsts and insecurities, but Phil wouldn't do anything to change that. "One day," he whispered like it was a secret, "I'm going to marry you."

One of Dan's least favourite things after sex was the feeling of Phil slipping out of him. He liked being filled by Phil, liked being connected in that way, and it sucked a lot when Phil eventually had to pull out. He whined every time but Phil never listened to him, claiming it would 'hurt him'. But Dan didn't care about that, damn it, it'd definitely be worth it. Dan giggled as Phil started to speak, hiding his blush in Phil's sweaty skin. "Same," he said lamely due to his brain turning to mush. And then Phil was speaking more, voice dropping to a whisper, and Dan's throat swelled, his mouth going dry and his eyes going wet. "I..." Dan started, swallowing thickly. He surged up and captured Phil's lips with his own in a soft and loving kiss. He pulled away after a few moments and started to pepper kisses all over Phil's face, speaking between every kiss. "I," a kiss on the nose. "Love," on the forehead. "You," on the cheek. "So," on the other cheek. "Much," and finally on the lips again. "And I swear to god, I will hold you up on that promise, Phil Lester."

Dan's reaction was more than Phil ever could have asked for, and he was giggling into the kiss before he could stop himself, breathless and surging back in to kiss Dan on the mouth again when Dan attempted to pull away. The sound of their mouths coming together over and over again was nothing compared to the sound of Dan's voice as he spoke, peppering Phil's face in kisses while Phil laughed. There could be no better ending to a date, no better ending to a summer, than this. "Okay," Phil agreed, "Just watch me," he said, and, with a rather impressive show of strength considering he'd nearly died from that orgasm, Phil flipped them over to kiss Dan some more, mouth soft and sweet against Dan's as he took him, fingers painting over his skin the same way Dan had painted Phil more than once by now. This had been the best ending to a summer that Phil had ever experienced, and as he made love to Dan’s skin with his mouth all over again, all he could think was that he was definitely certain he wanted this for the rest of his life.

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