#actually I want them to hold me.
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I hope one day I have the will to practice drawing and git gud so I can make some evil little bastards kiss after trying to beat the shit out of each other. Because thereās only so much you can do with words
ā¦especially when you have not ever kissed anyone and all your knowledge comes from bad fics written by other people who have (likely) never kissed anyone
#guh#I have so many things to do too. fun things. things that I donāt have time for. itās not fair#I donāt know if yāall noticed but I already have like three active writing projects.#but thereās also uh. crochet. and games to play.#music things to do. bike to ride (desperately needs its tires pumped up). ROLEPLAYS TO RESPOND TO#although if I stopped fuckin sleeping all afternoon maybe Iād have more time!!!!!!#I donāt know if itās a wonky sleep schedule or depression but thereās gotta be something I can do about it either way#sighs#anyways. thinking about many blorbos#I would also like to draw much fluff. onyx and ravenā¦ cherry and limeā¦.. Ollie and Gecko and Clove and Maggieā¦..#Iād draw sooo much supernova too. make them almost kill each other#hm. actually. I need to put them in a situation.#okay maybe I have four active writing projects. maybe. big maybe. I have no ideas yet.#onyx and Raven thoughā¦..holds themā¦ā¦#actually I want them to hold me.#I wonder how much self insert shit would come out of me having faith in my art skills#and just how many characters Iād make give me a smoochie#oh god I just imagined having all the Koroit alternates Iāve made teasing me affectionately and giving little kisses and Iām#going to implode#fffffuck#well. thats. thats gonna have to happen someday. Hopefully#jesus christ im too gay for this shit (my own thoughts)#yeah that mental image is going to be stuck in my head all night#hh.#send help (money so I can commission someone for this)#(Iām kidding btw)
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was this anyone else's first thought, or
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#anglerfish#YES hiking jade let's GO#send him up the mountain to look at some funky mushrooms#love how delicately he's holding his lantern with his little pinky out#ooh la la monsieur mastermind#now what are the odds we're getting gargoyle-club malleus next#probably not good but LOOK let me DREAM#i also very much want the equestrian club. GIVE ME HORSE BOYS#actually just give me everyone i want to see everyone#man though the june schedule looking pretty light over here in jp#which always makes me think something big is coming up...#whenever they pull a training camp on us it instantly sends my brain into overthinking mode#chances are good it's more main story though!#we've been averaging every-other-month story updates for a while now and the consistency is nice#i'm still not over the eight months between the end of episode 5 and the start of episode 6...#(IT'S FINE i want them to take all the time they need! i am just impatient)#(i will happily wait but i will be rolling around on the ground the entire time)
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back to the shadows š
inspired by the storm by pierre auguste cot, shriāiia and astarion running away from the sun bc heās a vampire and she has sunlight sensitivity.
please zoom in to see the details! š„¹š«¶
#astarion ancunin#astarion x tav#astarionmance#bg3 tav#drow tav#baldurās gate 3#bg3#hag romance.#mine.#oc: shriāiia.#this is finally doneā¦.OMG ā¦the amount of grief this has given me is insaneā¦#I redid the bg 4 times bc I was trying something new but it didnāt work out the way I wanted to sigh#this wip has been sitting in my folders for so long itās actually one of the first wips I made of them and im very glad I decided to hold#it off until now bc idt I wouldāve delivered it the way I wanted to before#but I rlly like how this turned out!! š„¹š„¹š„¹ her armour is so ridiculous I love it#also love how sheās serving face and heās like. burning lmfaooo#but who SAID I donāt finish my hag romance drawings!!!!!!! who said that!!!!!
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āIt felt like it was meant to happen. Of course they do have sexual feelings for one another, but it mostly comes from a deep, deep love. When it happens thereās pain, thereās relief, thereās the feeling that it was inevitable. There are so many emotions involved in that sexual act that it couldnāt have been just jumping each otherās bones. [Laughs.]." ā FRANĆOIS ARNAUD
#made this for...lesbianism purposes#the way even cesare was terrified of how unhinged lucrezia was here...catered to me specifically#i love when girls are batshit insane there will never be another lucrezia borgia like ever#interesting how the first thing she did when she slipped in his bed is making him hold Them#oh to be cesare borgia in this moment though#if juan was alive he'd be scratching at the door outside wanting in#finally giving in to their desire for each other after her loser ass husband's threw a hissy fit i'm crying#actually cesare's petty ass as well like the way he drew a question mark on alfonso's name hshahsh#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#the borgias#ceslu#cesare x lucrezia#tvedit#perioddramaedit#holliday grainger#francois arnaud#televisongifs#dailyflicks#by jen
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Terra Kingdomhearts is literally the story about an oldest son born with something Wrong inside him and his whole family expects him to outgrow it, or ignore it, or defeat it, and then he gets bigger and he is still Wrong. Terra Kingdomhearts is the story of being isolated and sheltered from anyone willing to acknowledge the Wrongness inside you and so when he finally, finally meets someone who treats the Wrongness as no big deal, not a Wrongness at all, it's instantly a lifeline to this poor man and he will do anything to learn more about how he is not Wrong forever, actually. It's a story about how if you live your life with no community for the Wrongness that lives inside you that your very first lifeline can be used to strangle you. Do you understand what I'm saying
#like don't get me wrong I love a good Terra Is Stupid joke as much as the next person#but sometimes I think a little too hard about Terra holding his father in his arms#and realizing that the only person in his entire life who told him he doesnt need to be scared of himself was just using him actually#and the people who told him to Hide and Be Ashamed and Be Better were right.#if there are ten terra fans I am one of them. if there is one terra fan its me. if there are no terra fans I am dead.#Terra isn't stupid he was isolated and scared and had lived for two decades trying and failing to Be Good Enough and he wanted peace#kingdom hearts#kh#kh terra#terra#terra kh#terra kingdom hearts#kh bbs#bbs#birth by sleep#kingdom hearts birth by sleep
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congrats on baby #2!š„°š part 2 to this post bc seb is a smug ass bitch when it comes to getting clora pregnant. and ty @rednite-dork for sending me the original pic ages ago LMFAO... i knew as soon as i saw it that i had to redraw it eventually š¼
#anne 1000% took the picture LMFAO......lewis-induced vomiting#i wanted to have the design of their kids out before drawing this since seb has to be holding their firstborn....widdle chubby ceweste#choccyart#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#clora clemons#hogwarts legacy#also ive started on the seb and clora as curse breakers oneshotš„°im still only on the outline and still ironing things out but#im excited to start writing it hehe......protective adult seb does stuff to me....š§āāļøš§āāļøš§āāļø#the premise is them investigating a town that has a bunch of strange occurrences going on that might be bc of a cursed object#AND THATS ALL ILL SAY..............clora living her sherlock life fr#OMG WAIT thats actually a cute idea LMFAO i should legit have clora try to channel sherlock when shes investigating BAHAHAšš#if anyone has any ideas/things theyd wanna see abt them as adults on the job lmk send me an ask/anon or reply im open to suggestions#the oneshot is gonna be pretty lighthearted and slice of life so#tho there IS a smut scene at like the very beginning that i wasnt planning on BAHAHA but thats just what happens when u write seb...š®āšØ
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imagine me throwing this at you like that one poster of that one animated Adam Sandler Christmas movie
#showing the red one his bazooka collection#i love the thought of duck having a collection of stolen AUTHENTIC war stuff and just showing them off proudly#like ā hey look at this real actual land mine ! if I hold it wrong we'll die and explode !! isn't that so cool ??ā#and duck using ghe shredder as a distraction because yay !! distractions !!#gave rhe red fella these weird (animated octopus like) eyebrow things that are attached to his weird slug eyes#to show off his emotions better ??? idk !!!#dhmis#dhmis duck#dhmis red guy#dhmis yellow guy#fluffybird#duck guy#red guy#yellow guy#don't hug me i'm scared fanart#don't hug me i'm scared#dont hug me im scared#dont hug me iām scared fanart#dhmis fanart#i want a caprisun
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always by your side
#couuugh. whehezze#hold on#project sekai#emu otori#pjsk#prsk#proseka#ok thatsg enough RANK 96 COOOOOGUH WHEEEZE#literlaly cough wheez ei have fucking covid. i wanted to draw something nicer for the event but my hands rlly hrut snd my throat hirts and#i was sticking my head in the freezer in between matches.#omfg i didnt think the end sprint was gonna be so insane i didnt have enough energy. mfers made me spend 700 gems. nene please.#i never wanna open the game agaon.(guy who will open it tomorrow and sunday) 16 MIL POINTS.. pimh was only 9mil. for rank 80smth.#the hatsune miku colorful stage tiering economy is in shambles#'im never doing that again' [will do it again in august]#event was insane. started out ill -> only 1 rate up card -> charger broke -> assignments -> covid on the last day. Be fr#to my beloved sakurako and fixer i wub you. ill try to finish my nice profile but well honk mimimi.#NSIFFLKE. SNIFFLE. WAAAAAAH#this is so lazy but i havent drawn for myself literally in a week. other than doodles i did between matches#actually theyre like little bobblehead emus all over my sketchbooks i should collage them into anpost#idk how people get that subtle gaussian blur on their lines i tried it but it looks so obvious to me here.. maybe bc i used a thick brush..#ok wonderhoy i need to lay down so bad tylenol save me. I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED MY LOZENGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAAAAAME
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Memories
Old man Fiddlestan, my beloved-and what's this? It could be semi-canon compliant :O ?!?! Woof- this is one of the saddest things I have ever written. I know some of you gremlins (affectionate) love that sort of thing, but I don't. I like really really don't. This is my comfort ship, so I don't even know where this came from other than trying to figure out how they *could* work in canon. Truthfully though, I prefer my Fiddlestan heavy on the comfort when it comes to the "hurt/comfort" genre. This is my only āangstyā (i.e. no immediate happy ending) Notes-app fics, so don't get used to this level of sad from me lol.
āStan?ā an oddly familiar voice called. Mr. Mystery, Stan Pines, glanced up from the flyers he was organizing and found that Old Man McGucket stood in the doorway of his front door. The last tour of the day had just left, it was dinnertime, and he was exhausted. Stan rolled his eyes as he unfurled his tie, wishing Soos was still there to escort the crazy old man off his property. No matter what he did, the old hillbilly always managed to find his way back to the Shack. āSweet Moses McSuckit, what are you doing in here? Shoo, scat, or whateva will get rid of ya.ā Hearing no movement, he looked at the man again and found he was standing erect. His blue eyes were the clearest he had seen them in no less than a decade.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Wait, what did he call- oh. Oh no.
āStanā¦ley? Did Iā¦did I do somethinā wrong?ā the other man asked, his hands twisted in knots in front of him. Memories flashed through Stanās mind; Ford falling through the portal, Fiddleford finding him passed out in the lab, working together to bring Ford home againā¦being together. Being happy. They had been happy, if just for a little while, hadnāt they?
Then there was the cult, and his discovery of the damn memory gun that had finally ruined everything they ever built. He took a hesitant step forward, a thousand thoughts roaring in his mind at once. āFidds? Wha-what do you remember?ā A bandaged hand snaked up and rubbed over the faded scar on the side of his head āIā¦donāt rightly know. Did weā¦I think we had a fight? I just woke up in theā¦in the dump. Nā I donāt have any shoes. Do ya know why my arm is in a cast?ā Fiddleford looked so lost.
Stan knew in his heart that all of this was fleeting- āclarityā would hit Fiddleford every few years after he had finally wiped his mind of himself. Almost like his brain was trying to jumpstart itself back together. The first time they thought it was a miracle butā¦it didnāt last. It just started a trend that would follow them both for the next almost thirty years. Fiddleford would seemingly āwake upā and be lucid for a few weeks in the beginning, then eventually only a matter of days. It had been so long since the last time that Stan would wager, they only had maybe a few hours together if he was lucky.
The last time Fiddleford was himselfā¦they had fought. Stanley thought he had figured the only way Fiddleford could stay; he needed to remember. Remember everything he had ever forgotten. At the time, Fiddleford had been unwilling to try. He didnāt think he could handle it; he knew he had forgotten what he had for a reason.
Stanley had gotten as close to begging as he ever had in his life since surviving Tijuanna, and when it had no effectā¦Stanley had told Fiddleford to leave and never come back. He had left that night, and by the next day he had faded away again. After a while, Stan thought his last words had been the final nail in the coffin that was Fiddlefordās mind. He carried that weight along with every other mistake he had ever made. But here he was. Fiddleford. His Fiddleford.
He took a deep breath before he opened his arms up. āHey, donāt worry, it doesnāt matter. Iām right here.ā Fiddleford rushed through the doorway, melting into Stanleyās open arms. āI went away again, didnāt I?ā Stan could feel Fiddlefordās tears soaking into his chest, his own whispering at the edges of his eyes. Yes, and you will leave again. You will leave me and I will be alone all over again, you fucking asshole. āHey cowboy, didnāt I just say not tā worry about any aā that? Youāre here now, n' thatās what matters. Youāreā¦youāre home.ā A haggard laugh vibrated through the smaller manās chest into Stanleyās own. āI know I keep tellinā ya, tellinā me not tā worry is likeā āā¦tellinā a fish tā stop swimminā; I know Fidds, I know.ā Fuck was really the only conscious thought that went through his head as he held his one-time lover. He couldnāt believe he was doing this, again.
Fiddleford looked up, eyes wide and searching Stanās face. āHow long do ya think we have?ā Stan shook his head, unwilling to lie even if it eventually wouldnāt matter because he wouldnāt remember. Youāve always been the only person I couldnāt lie to. āI dunno, itās beenā¦a while. Probably not very long.ā Fiddleford closed his eyes before he said āI need ya tā know somethinā, Stanley.ā Stan started to shake his head. āFidds, you donāt have t-ā The look on the other manās face shut Stan right up-he had always had that ability. Stan wished he didnāt miss it as much as he did. āI need ya to know that even when Iām not hereā¦I miss you. The part of me thatās somewhere in here-ā A weathered hand tapped the side of his head to emphasize his point ā misses you. Iām just so sorry, Stanley. Sorry that Iām a coward. Iām sorry that Iām not strong enough to be here all the timeā¦but Iāll never stop tryinā. Iāll always try nā come home to ya.ā
Stan thought of the thousands of times he had chased Old Man McGucket, the neat little character that Stan had to compartmentalize his Fiddleford into when he wasnāt himself, out of the Shack. How many times he had found him curled up like a cat on the back porch. How every time they āmetā, McGucket would say how nice Stan was or how good he felt to be around him āfor some reason.ā How many odds and ends McGucket would gift Stan from the dump for exhibits at the Mystery Shack with a large smile and nothing substantial behind his eyes.
It would be so much easier if he would stop trying to come back. Maybe the hole in Stanās heart the size of the sweet, certifiably insane man would scab over. How many times had Stanley mourned him? How many times was he willing to hurt himself? They were now nearing their sixties, how long was he really willing to do this song and dance?
Whatās one more time? he softly thought, his hand coming up to tenderly cup the grizzled face of Fiddleford Hadron McGucket. Mad scientist, friend, and unfortunately for them bothā¦the love of his life.
āI miss you too, Fidds.ā
#bbuzz28#my writing#fiddlestan#stanley pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#if anyone ever wants to expand on this idea please feel free to-bc I think its an interesting concept overall#I simply do not have the heart to write something so very sad LOL#also something I couldn't think of how to do justice was Tate in all of this#because like-Tate knows *something* is between his father and Stan#I had a line that was like 'The wide berth he gave Tate McGucket whenever they were in the same vicinity. The weight of similar eyes#to his father never leaving him whenever they were found to be in the same place always feeling heavy.'#but I couldn't figure out how to make it really fit in a quick lil one shot#and Tate deserves more than that#bc don't forget Tate is *literally* the only thing that holds Fidds mind together at any given time in any just about any timeline :')#but yeah the idea of canon Fiddlestan is actually incredibly sad bc either its this or Fidds wiped Stan's memory of him#which I recognize *is* a trope...but that just makes me so v sad.#I know people explore fiction in ways to help them feel bigger feelings- but I just want them to be happy#maybe that's naive but its my truth#alright-that's enough yapping in the tags#again if anyone wants to expand on this feel free and send me a link :)
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Not my dumb bisexual ass liking a poly ship purely because I think their height differences are neat
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#listen listen LISTEN#full disclosure my GF actually shared some great ideas for a fic for these three and I got so tempted to start writing#the more I think about it the more the rot sets in#I forgot just how TALL he is#god help me I can just picture Ragatha holding Pomni while Gummi carries both of them#move over funnybunnydoll#funnnygummydoll is where itās really at#im kidding itās fine ship what you want#this just make much more sense to me#ragapom#funnygummy#FunnyGummyDoll#ragatha#pomni#gummigoo#pomni x ragatha#pomni x gummigoo#Ragatha x Pomni x Gummigoo
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.
#for klavier because it's not as direct it's about how we never see him actually wearing lipstick? even though apollo literally attends#a concert of his which is where you'd most expect him to wear makeup. but apparently he just doesnt. or at least not in public#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#i feel like there are several ways you can read into it. the misogyny/toxic masculinity one is really obvious clearly with kristoph's#singling out of men specifically and klavier's (probably accidental?) condescending manner of calling women 'fraulein' plus his general#mildly patronising attitude towards many of the women in the game (also probably unintentional)#(i think he's trying to be charming and it's coming off wrong to some of them. like ema. and me.)#but i feel like there's also maybe an element of... inherent perfecfionism to it? like both of these products are conventionally beautifyin#products and kristoph while he is open to showing people he uses nail polish specifically chooses one that's clear and missable unless you#see him apply it. he also feels the need to justify his use of it and specifically spell it out as something he chooses to do rather than#needs to do even though duh. that should be obvious.#idk there's just something about his seeming need to take control of that narrative that i find interesting. his need to spin it into a#'there's nothing wrong with my nails but I had the foresight to see that even the smallest parts of my appearance should be kept immaculate#and it's a choice i'm making to refine an already adequate part of my personage /not/ to cover some unsightly defect.' the need to emphasis#that specifically is so. hm. and with klavier i could see it being a case of him liking makeup liking the pops of colour yet being unwillin#to admit to it because he's afraid that other people might see it as him being dissatisfied with his own appearance regardless of if he is#or isn't. or even just perceiving colourful makeup as being unseemly because it's so overt and unnatural.#like i can see this as them both viewing 'real' beauty to be that which is inherent to a person and seemingly effortless#thus somehow negating the beauty which one achieves through cosmetics or other external means.#and if you want to use external means to achieve beauty or neatness or whatever then your only valid options are those which blend into you#natural state. like clear nail polish. or really awful spray tan.#i feel like klavier's less confined by these ideas (if they hold merit at all) considering he actually owns coloured lipstick and he wears#jewellery (admittedly quite 'masculine' jewellery no gems or pearls or anything like that but jewellery nonetheless) but i think it just#makes it more interesting that he doesnt seem quite able to cross the line anyway. like it's that ingrained into his system.#anyway that's all i've got. you guys should tell me what you think too#annotations
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Going legitimately insane because all my brain has been able to chew on has been this particular callback and what it means for the headspace that Fadel is in at the end of episode 6.
It's insane that Fadel even said that to Bison in the first place because the Fadel of episode 5 knew better than to believe it was possible for anyone to truly bare themselves to another person, knew better than to want to know and be known and chosen despite it all. To the Fadel of episode 5, "laying yourself bare" was an impossibility because of how much power it gives the other person, and Fadel's mind is too practical, his circumstances too complex, his heart too fragile to ever give that to anyone ever again.
But Fadel's walls began to crack in the face of Style's honesty and the shared pain of knowing what it is to loose someone precious; cracked under the weight of Style pressing kisses to his scar and laying Fadel bare to bring him pleasure; shattered in the face of Style giving himself over to loving Fadel for a whole night -- and Fadel woke up half underneath the spread of Style's body and found himself already in love.
And do you know how I know this? Because of all the things Fadel could have said he liked about Style, he chooses this. It's not that Style is effortlessly kind and thoughtlessly generous at times. It's not that Style is hot and sexy and frankly kind of a slut (specifically for Fadel). It's not even that Style has secret, hidden depths and an unexpectedly shared pain which allows him to understand and empathise with Fadel in a way that no one but Bison has been able to for a very long time.
No, it's his cockiness. His arrogance. The way Style is unabashedly himself and makes no apologies for it. The way Style will literally dance to his own tune and sing at the top of his lungs with no care for anyone else's opinion unless it's to appreciate it. The way Style walks into the room and has the confidence to put his body on display and already know that he will be welcomed and wanted -- and this confidence meant that he assumed Fadel would find him attractive, and would not stop until Fadel eventually gave in to that attraction.
It's telling that it's these specific instances that come to mind when Fadel thinks about Style's lips. There are so many scenes and shots they could have chosen (because lbr here Dunk, and therefore Style, really does have amazing lips), so it feels very intentional that Fadel thinks firstly of the time Style refused to back off when Fadel pretended not to miss him, and then the moment when Fadel finally admitted that he did and was rewarded with Style's reassurance and reciprocated vulnerability and wholehearted embrace. Also, because this was the last episode that Style did not Know, and therefore was still being fully honest with Fadel. Both instances are Fadel appreciating in hindsight the way Style's very nature -- the way he would not give up, the way he keeps pushing and pushing even in the face of Fadel's seeming impassivity -- gives Fadel not only the opportunity but the impetus to finally let go of his control and acknowledge his feelings for Style.
It's explicit confirmation that Fadel enjoys and appreciates and has grown to love Style's personality and antics and the way he expresses himself.
So the Fadel in episode 6 dares to ask for Style's honesty and gives with it an explicit promise of trust and acceptance in return. After recognising the effort Style has had to put in to find ways to connect with Fadel (heavy metal vs pop rock), he now asks for Style to be real with him because Fadel understands himself to be ready to love, and in loving Style, is able to offer the very thing he wants the most from Style: "acceptance of who he really is".
We also see the evidence of Fadel's unspoken promise in the way that he now responds with an almost easy openness to Style's questions in stark contrast to the Fadel in the early part of the show. If he wants Style to accept him, he can't continue keeping all his secrets. So now, he gives Style pieces of himself with barely a thought, and lets Style use them to push and prod and drag to light the very things he used to keep hidden because he thought they weren't useful or helpful or worthy of being loved (see @sherrymagic's gorgeous gifset + my tags on it).
It's also in the way he now allows Style to take him outside of his comfort zone because he trusts that the private joys he's kept to himself are safe in Style's hands; that, moreover, Style will look to Fadel's happiness and not make a mockery of it.
I'm obsessed with the moment in the screenshot on the bottom right because Fadel looks so completely out of his element and almost in a state of shock. He's literally standing separated from the rest of the group in the composition of the shot, hesitation writ in every line of his body, while Style, who isn't even a fan of this band or this music, fits in with the band seamlessly.
But this hesitation isn't because of discomfort, it's nervousness and an almost joyous disbelief because Fadel could never have done this on his own, he would never have allowed himself the indulgence of actually showing his love for his favourite band if Style hadn't taken the initiative to drag him there and ask for the photo. And, oh, how wonderful it must have felt to see Style prove his own words by being right there by Fadel's side as he lets himself go, as he lets himself be himself without fear, for the first time in what must have felt like forever.
In a single, perfect night, Style has been exactly, precisely, breathtakingly everything Fadel could ever have wanted; because in a single night of Fadel finally having the courage to bare himself to another person, Style gave Fadel not only acceptance but a celebration of who Fadel is. With everything Style does that night, he ties himself to Fadel; he ties his happiness to Fadel's and his comfort to the warmth of Fadel's embrace. Style fashioned himself into exactly what Fadel wanted -- and now that Fadel has had a taste of it, how can he possibly go back?
Which is why Fadel already knows that it's too late for him, he knows that he is already in love; knows, moreover, that he has rewritten parts of himself to seek out and miss and yearn for Style; has even learned to love Style the way he understands Style wants to be loved.
So Fadel might as well keep the promise he made to Style with his lips pressed shut against the lies he didn't want to keep telling Style. He might as well give Style more days and nights and chances to spin his lies, because at least Fadel has the meager comfort of knowing he spoke the truth.
Because if Style wants to keep playing this game, if Style is able to so be so convincingly deceptive that Fadel can no longer trust himself to tell when Style is lying, then Fadel will take the punishment of choosing honesty in the face of his betrayal. Fadel will fashion himself into a heartless tool and allow himself the indulgence of playing this tantalising part -- because he may just find a way to save Bison in the process.
And to Fadel, it does not matter if his own heart gets broken along the way, because Fadel deserves the punishment of laying himself bare to the man who does not love him in return; he deserves to give Style the power of knowing the hold he has over Fadel.
But doing so is a punishment for Style, too, because if Fadel must love, then he is going to weaponise his own feelings in the fight he now thinks he has to wage against Style. Because two can play this game of cruelty, and Fadel does not care if this sword is double edged because cutting himself to pieces is a small price to pay if it means dragging Style along with him into hell.
After all, what's another crack when his whole entire world has already been so utterly and completely shattered?
#i started this post pretty much the day the episode dropped and every single meta post i've written since has just been byproducts#of this one harrowing thought that Fadel is taking his own feelings and fashioning them into the ultimate weapon to bring Style down.#because it can simultaneously be true that he plans to do this whilst also understanding that he now genuinely is IN LOVE with Style.#the simultaneous acceptance of his feelings and the callous and clinical use of them -- yeah this is the killer we saw in episode 1#and the fact that Fadel thinks this is is what he needs to do; that this is WHO HE NEEDS TO BE when he's actually SO WRONG#because every beautiful perfect loving moment Style gave him this episode was in TRUTH and IN SPITE of the lies he had to tell Fadel.#it's just BREAKING ME OPEN. T_T somebody please hold me i'm really Not Okay!!!! T_T#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#stylefadel#thk ep 6#thk meta#fadelstyle meta#joongdunk#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#<- once again if you want to tag block me i would so understand ^^;;;
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Those wacky skeletons ā„ (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Sans#Papyrus#Handplates#You can tell because of Sans' gloves lol#Getting-used-to-them-again doodles as well as just expressing Feeling <3 Happy towards them! Want them to be happy too!#It might seem silly for these - how many sets in now? - to still be getting used to drawing them again lol but it's because they're adults!#Their clothes and the way they hold themselves - but also especially Sans lol I dunno why I have such difficulty with him at times#He's got a cute face and I still find myself like ????how your face#Other than that tho it's just silliness hehe āŖ My favourite lads :D#I feel the need to make the distinction: I do actually have different favourites based on the AU lol#Like for example in classic I still love Flowey just a tiiiiiny bit more than Papyrus but it really is constantly neck and neck#Whereas in Handplates it's no competition even a little bit lol - Papyrus is just my Very Favourite#But Gaster is my favourite Handplates-specific character since he's unique to the AU! It gets a bit in the weeds lol#Sans isn't far behind at all of course the trio are very important! The duo even moreso imo#Going back to gloves tho I did carry over one of my quirks from my original UT doodles about Papyrus' gloves lol#I initially envisioned them as combination mitten-gloves with a free index finger and all the rest together#I still rather like the design! But it is admittedly not Handplates accurate lol#The occasional dip into self-indulgence who me? Lol#Sleeping on each other is important to me as well!! It is such a favourite hehe#Honestly I just imagined Papyrus getting so exhausted that he fell asleep in the snow lol poor lad#Sans teleported in but it's also funny to imagine him just walking up like ''you good? yeah he's fine'' *flop* haha#Silly lads <3 Do love 'em āŖ
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Mentioned this before but as much as I adore the medic Leo headcanon, my favorite type of it is when itās basically just Leo knowing the most surface level of stuff and carrying around a super basic first-aid kit in his pack. So he knows how to use gauze, and heās got a ton of Jupiter Jim branded bandaids, and if you really needed it then he can hit you up with some ibuprofen but other than that? Nothing.
But. I love the idea that that changes post-invasion.
Theyāre pretty sturdy, all of them, so they can take more than one beating and really only need a bandaid for the fun of it. But the invasion hit harder than ice packs and ālots of restā would help with, and I can bet that a post being beaten to a pulp Leo would have a lot of time on his hands to reflect and, maybe, learn a thing or two as he waits to get better.
Itās nothing excessive, not at first, but he watches veterinary videos, and live surgeries, and other videos in that same realm (because the books are, uh, a bit too jargon-y for him) multiple times over. Just so he knows. Just in case he needs to know.
In his pack, thereās a first-aid kit. With the use of a mini portal for extra space, the kit has grown to include everything from scalpels to butterfly stitches to sutures to even fiberglass patches.
And obviously the Jupiter Jim brand bandaids stay too.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#medic leo#I especially like the idea that his want to learn more medical stuff is also pushed by him actually wanting to be a better hero too#like if they gotta rescue squishy humans then itās probably good for them to know how to do basic care just in case!#Leoās portals would come in clutch for easy access to necessary medical tools#I doubt Leo would be AMAZING at it especially not so young and inexperienced and without proper teaching#but idk I like the idea that the bro who wields the only weapon specially made for killing is the one who is the medic#itās interesting to me!#and tbh I bet all the bros learn basic first aid too#April DEFINITELY knows it#splinter absolutely knows#but yeah I just really like the hc that Leo holds the bandaids and thatās about as much medical knowledge heās got and LATER he learns more#like the idea that little Leo desperate to figure out how to contribute wanted to be a medic but then he came to the realization#that he and his family were all WAY TOO STURDY and never really got hurt š#most of the time his bandaids went to Mikey who wasnāt ever hurt he just likes colorful stickers and at that point thatās all bandaids were
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established relationship scarian where scar finds A Creature of some sort (dealer's choice) and starts in on the whole "Can we keep it?? š„ŗš„ŗ" routine to grian
i was originally going to go with a cat, then a baby warden (listen idk) then an ACTUAL baby...then landed on this (and giggled and kicked my feet the entire time as i wrote it). hope you enjoy :D
scar: g scar: grain scar: grian scar: light of my life scar: where are you? scar: i have gift grian: fishing dock scar: shoulda guessed scar: be there soon <3
grian stretched, quietly groaning to himself as his back (and wings) crackled in delight at the movement, tired of the endless hunching theyād endured over the past several hours. a gift from scar (especially an unexpected one) was sure to beā¦interesting. theyād been together long enough that scar knew what grian liked, of courseā¦but sometimesā¦the āgiftsā his partner would bring him would be more for scarās own personal amusement than anything else.
not that he really minded, of course. not when that meant getting to see scar light up like a kid on christmas. scar was always so full of life - always giggling over something or other - and it just reminded grian of why heād fallen in love with him in the first place. and honestly, that was gift enough for him.
despite all of that, he wasnāt quite expecting scar to bring him something...alive.
grian heard the chirping from the small bundle in scarās arms before the man had even landed, and couldnāt help the inquisitive trill that forced its way out of him in response. and that, of course, set scar off - mimicking the noise with his own (very human) vocal cords (which only served to produce a melody akin to being strangled). he stared at grian with wide eyes as he touched down, and grian felt his cheeks burn under his gaze.
āg! iāve never heard you make that noise before - that was so cute, do it again!ā
āno,ā grian chirped back, then pressed his hand against his mouth as scar laughed in delight. āscar - what is that?ā
āitās a baby!ā scar responded, moving closer and tilting the bundle in his arms towards the avian. ālook - itās a little you!ā
grian uncovered his mouth to retort - he very much doubted that scar had somehow found a baby avian wandering around hermitcraft - but another quiet chirp caught his attention, and he found himself leaning forward to peer over scarās arms. and there, nestled in a pile of soft, brown blanket, was the ugliest baby parrot grian had ever seen in his life. and yet..and yetā¦
grian didnāt even realize that he was whistling until the baby returned his birdsong, eager little chirps and gurgles spilling out of its little fleshy beak. it tilted its head up at grian, blinking, and grian offered up a trembling finger into the makeshift nest. the chick nuzzled against it, purring softly, and something in grianās heart felt like it might burst. he raised his face to his partner, and found scarās gaze transfixed - but not on the parrot in his arms, but him. their eyes locked, and scar offered him a smile - something soft and warm, something that made grian want to kiss him more than anything in the world.
ācan we keep it?ā he whispered, and grian let out a short (wet) laugh.
āiā¦scar, whereā¦where did you even find it? itās so littleā¦i canāt imagine its mama would have been far; sheās probably worried sickā¦do you really want to take the little guy from his mama?ā
scarās lower lip wobbled (and grian felt like he might be the worst person in the entire world for it).
āhe didnāt have a mama! i sat and watched and waited for hours, gri, and nobody came for himā¦he was just all alone, on a branch in the jungle, and i got worried that something was going to come along and eat him! andā¦wellā¦i figured youād know how to take care of him. given that youāreā¦yāknow.ā
he gestured toward grianās colorful wings with one hand, and grianās feathers rippled obediently in show for his lover. from scarās arms, the tiny bird chirped again, raising its little head and struggling to flap its wings in the same way grian had fluttered his. scar looked down to the parrot, then up to grian, eyes wide and sparkling as he jutted out his lower lip.
āsee! he agrees! he wants you to be his new mama!ā
(and if grianās heart fluttered in his chest at the suggestion of being a mother, that was no one's business but his own. that was a topic to be discussed later - much later, in the warmth of each otherās arms and the shield the darkness their room offered for grian's vulnerability)
āwe could name himā¦umā¦jeffrey!ā
āscar - we are not naming our son jeffrey.ā
āour son???!??ā scar parroted back, jerking his head up from where he had dipped it to stare down at the chick in his arms. āour son??? soā¦we can keep him? really? you mean it?ā
āyes, scar. i mean it,ā grian responded, smiling softly at the hopeful peep from the newest member of their little family. āwe can keep him.ā
(and the way scar pulled him into a kiss, then, was the greatest gift of all)
#i love writing fluff i love writing fluff i love writing fluff i love writing fluff i love writing fluff i love writing fluff i love writ#i also love scarian. they are so special to me. they are so precious to me. they are so <3#i'm watching bridgerton writing this btw. it's actually really good i didn't think that i'd like it but i'm enthralled#anyway i want to write a scarian kid fic now#someone hold me back from giving them a Child#this is also partially mochi's fault. mochi i am shaking my fist at you /silly#goodtimeswithscar#grian#scarian#hermitshipping#no background cumbo whoa what's gotten into me#plant writes#plant answers
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