#the more I think about it the more the rot sets in

[actuallyjustabiscuit]

Not my dumb bisexual ass liking a poly ship purely because I think their height differences are neat

[jarofstyles]

The Favor 12

It’s been 800 years and I’m sorry 😭 now that we reached this point inspo has come and gone so fast. But I got this part done and the next one on Patreon now! I would love to hear thoughts and suggestions, I’ve already implemented some of what you guys have asked for in my planned parts 🩷 enjoy! And happy holidays

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WC- 6.6k

Warnings- mentions of a Dom/sub dynamic, anxiety mention, misogyny, we hate Danny club tee shirts being passed around, tooth rotting fluff, mentions of relationship trauma

Danny hadn’t always been a bad boyfriend. 

At first he had been kind and sweet. With him being a tad bit more outgoing than Y/N, he had brought her into his friend group and integrated her as one of them. He had brought her flowers for their 6 month anniversary, they went on dates on the weekends twice a month, and it was nice. Solid, steady. 

Until he got a little too comfortable. 

Y/N could see it now that she had removed her heart from the equation. Danny was lazy, and it had shown more and more as the year mark hit, and then two years, and she had to remind him of Valentine’s Day, make the birthday plans, schedule the dates, or go along with the plans he’d made with his friends. He would get her gifts on those occasions, yes, but the most stereotypical things. It had lacked thought. Flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day were nice! She didn’t want to come across as ungrateful ever- but when he’d gotten her dark chocolate when he should have known she really disliked it, it made it a little less sweet- pun intended. 

If someone were to ask Y/N why she stayed so long,  she wouldn’t have one singular answer. Comfort? Familiarity? Routine? Perhaps lack of self esteem? She wasn’t sure. Being raised to think you had a specific way of doing things, of dating, engagement, then marriage, she hadn’t really been given many other examples. Growing up, her parents had been high school sweethearts, as had both of their parents. There was no breaking up, it was a one and done type of deal. 

She wasn’t sure if that was set in stone, though. It was an unspoken rule, something left unsaid like a thinly veiled threat in the night air. They spoke of the great love story of finding your one and only and it made her feel like she had to stick to that too. She’d never asked her mother about it, because she never really entertained the idea of having any other partner. 

It was easy with Danny in the way that she knew what to expect. She knew his habits, she knew his work, his schedule. She knew his friends, his plans for life, there were no surprises. Nothing that would jump back out and bite her, catch her off guard as he slowly leaned into being less attentive.&

Maybe that’s why even when she started having doubts she had stuck them to the back of her mind. 

There was no denying that Harry had been a very, very big part in all of it. The funny part of it was, she wasn’t sure that the sex bit was what truly got her to reconsider even if it had started it all. As incredible, euphoric as she felt- it was the way she felt afterwards. Before, even. When they sat in his bed and he stroked her cheek, feeding her cubes of cantaloupe or strawberries sliced in half, or when he’d picked up a carton of her yogurt and granola after mentioning what she usually had for breakfast at home. 

It was how gentle he handled her not only physically, but emotionally. He checked in, he cared, he asked her multiple times what she liked and what she didn’t. If it was okay to touch her certain ways, if he could kiss her. Just little things that seemed so minuscule in size if you looked at it from the outside but felt so big to her that it tore at her heart. 

He’d gotten her that damn water bottle, he’d gotten used to washing her hair when they shared showered, he used that tender tone of voice that had her bones feeling flexible as she melded into him each and every time. 

And another thing she had found to like about Harry, was the fact that he was just… dominant in most regards.

It wasn’t overly so. He wasn’t this complete alpha, macho man, fists banging on the chest sort of guy. He didn’t walk into the room and demand to be the biggest and baddest in the room. It was understated, quiet. If you looked at him you could just… see. Feel it. You could see he held it together well, that he liked control in the way he kept things organized and held eye contact regardless of who it was. He very rarely shied away from a situation. In fact, Y/N felt very special for being one of the only people she had seen make him blush or get flustered. 

It was second nature to him to just do. To pick up where she left off. So it did make her wonder what else she could do for him. How she could help him relieve stress. Yes, there was the sexual aspect that she was more than willing to hand over whenever he wanted (no exaggeration- any time, any place) but she wanted to be the person he allowed himself to loosen up with. 

She’d seen glimpses. Silliness and joking, that sort of tenderness that he didn’t seem to give to anyone else, but she wanted to make his life easier. Researching the dynamics between dominants and submissives, she had some questions- but the first thing she needed to do was cut off the dead weight- the only thing holding them back. 

—-

Meeting at the park was a good idea. She could tell by his face that he had a clue what was going to happen and as much as she tried not to, she did feel a tiny sliver of guilt. 

Y/N didn’t necessarily cheat, no. She’d had full permission, ecstatic permission, actually. He’d handed her over to Harry. Being realistic she knew he didn’t realize it would be an option that he wouldn’t get her back. Danny was headstrong in a way she found a lot of men were. He didn’t consider the possibility that she actually did know what she wanted and once she had a taste, she would want that for herself all the time.

“You’re leaving me for him.”

“Not necessarily.” She sighed, crossing her arms around her body. “It isn’t just about him. It’s about the fact that we aren’t compatible anymore, and we haven’t been in a long time.”

Danny scoffed, tilting his head towards the sky. “So, what? I’m nice? I let you go and see and play around to explore that shit and now you’ve gotten addicted to that sort of stuff? We can get you to therapy, because it isn’t healthy. But obviously it was a mistake to hand you off to him-“

“Yes. If you loved me, if you truly wanted me, Daniel- you’d never, ever want someone else to touch me.” She remembered how Harry had said he didn’t want to share her. Look, sure. But never touch. “You said the shit I’m into is weird, you shame me, then pawn me off to your friend which… it’s dangerous. The both of us are lucky Harry is genuinely an amazing guy-“ she shot him a look as he let out a noise but continued anyways. “Harry is amazing and kept me safe. He taught me the safe ways of doing things. And I liked it. I’m not going to lie to you, I really liked all of it and I know you aren’t into it.” For once, her face softened.

“And you don’t have to be. I don’t judge you for not wanting to do it. I never have. I was upset by your reactions and how you made me feel bad, but I would never ask you to do something you truly aren’t comfortable with. But if this is something I want, something I find myself needing to be fulfilled, I’m not going to try to change you or myself to try and salvage a relationship that was barely working anyways.”

“Barely working?” Danny looked genuinely confused. “The fuck are you talking about.” Again, her anger bubbled under the surface, but the exhaustion of the whole thing kept her from exploding. 

“Danny, you barely gave me attention. When you apologized the first time and we went out to the bar, you brushed me off the whole time. You treated me like an accessory. There was no passion to our relationship.” Y/N wasn’t sure how he didn’t see that. “We had the same conversations every day, barely had any excitement. I don’t think you loved me- I think I was convenient. And I don’t hold that against you either, but I think I was convenient to you.”

“That’s just how relationships are! They even out and get a little boring.” He defended, nostrils flaring as he was obviously offended with her observation. She had a feeling he would get that way. It was just another reason why they needed to end things. 

“To a degree. After years of marriage and things settle down, your partner is supposed to become your best friend. And we barely speak to each other if it isn’t about plans, or something you want to. If I feel like talking about something I can physically see you tune me out. This was happening far before you even handed me off to Harry.”

“And he’s going to give you that?” He sneered, looking at her like she was some sort of idiot. It had been very clear since the beginning that Danny really did put people into boxes, and Harry was in the sexual deviant one. He had no ability to see the depth in people and that had always been something that bothered her about him, but seeing it now towards someone she was falling for made her angry. 

“I don’t know.” She snapped. “But regardless if it is him or not, you need to stop that. You just… you learn something about someone and you completely disregard them as people. You knew he was into some different stuff and all of a sudden he’s a whore, some kind of sexual deviant that can’t commit. He’s had partners, long term. He’s caring. He’s kind. He listens to what I have to say. It isn’t just sex every time I go over to his place, you understand that right?” 

He didn’t, obviously, but the way his brows pulled together and he looked at her like he didn’t know what she was talking about. “Did you expect him to string me up and hit me with a paddle a few times and me to run back to you?” She was positive that was the thought process as it was as soon as she saw the face he made. “We bond. We make breakfast or go out for it, we watch shows, we take his dog on a walk- the dynamic of this whole thing goes far past just sex, Danny. It’s trust. I know you did minimal research into what this actually is, but I’m telling you that we weren’t just going at it like bunnies. I’m not hypnotized by his dick. He’s so nice to me, and he listens, and he….” Y/N could feel herself getting emotional, so she had to reign it in. He didn’t need this sort of response from her. 

“Listen. I’m sorry. I know we had plans, but they’re not for me anymore. I have no idea if Harry wants to actually date me or not. I have no clue where my life is going, but I just don’t see us being together anymore.”

——

It was a bit anticlimactic. Danny couldn’t really argue with her, (even if he did try a few times). Not when it was so abundantly clear her mind was made up. It was over. Regardless of what he thought about Harry or her sexual preferences or anything she liked, it was her opinion that mattered. She’d been coasting for so long that she had forgotten how it felt to actually be behind the wheel. As terrifying as it was to navigate- it felt good. 

“A mixed box, please.” Y/N politely asked the worker at the donut shop, knowing Harry was a bit of a fiend for a donut with his coffee. “An extra chocolate though, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course! Half or whole dozen?” 

“Whole, please.” 

She checked her phone to see a text waiting from him, her mood lightening immediately as her eyes traced over the screen. 

H: You alright, sweetheart? Please text me when you’re on your way here x. 

H: p.s. I miss you a little. 

Her heart felt like it grew too big for her chest as she took a shaky inhale, thumbing over the keyboard to reply to the man. It had been ages since she had gotten giddy over a man texting her, Harry being the first one since she’d left school honestly. It wasn’t that she wanted to constantly compare her past relationship with him, but it was hard not to when everything felt so much better.

Y/N: hiiii ❤️ I’m good. I made a stop but as soon as I’m done here I’ll be on my way. Maybe 20? 

Y/N: p.s. I miss you a little bit too 

Tucking her phone back in her pocket, she thanked the girl and checked out at the register, tapping her card before taking the box and walking back out to her car. 

She was a single woman, now. Sort of? That was sort of a mystery. She was Harry’s. The fact was clear both in her heart and the bruises sucked over the swell of her breast, also coincidentally over her heart. The question laid in his hands, if they were an actual item or not. He’d proclaimed she was his what seemed to be a million times but how far did that go? 

It wasn’t like she was dumb- she knew there were feelings in both ends. Men didn’t act like that unless they were actually wanting you. She knew she wasn’t completely naive for feeling somewhat confident that Harry would want her, but it was the question of in what way. As a submissive? As a girlfriend? That question would be asked tonight, but right now she really just needed a hug. 

There was no need to knock anymore as she scales the porch steps and approached the door, instead punching in the code to his security system and pushing the door open. The clicking of nails alerted her to Buttons before she even saw the pup, eagerly running towards her with a happy yip. 

“Hello, my darling.” She cooed, hanging her purse up on the hook and toed her shoes off. “These are not for you, M’sorry. We can get you a treat though. Where’s daddy, hm?” 

“Kitchen!” He called through the house, making her smile widen. She could smell coffee, the dark roast permeating the air as she padded towards the room. It was one of the best times of day to be in the room, sunlight pouring through the wide windows. Even better to frame him as he leaned against the island, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. 

He was always beautiful, but seeing him in this light- literally and metaphorically- had her tummy swirling. His hair fluffy from the shower this morning and pushed off his head, the facial hair he had let grow because she said she liked it, the tee shirt tucked into linen pants, all of it was enticing. It felt more intense now that there was no real barrier holding her back from allowing her to think those sorts of things about him. 

“Excuse me, miss? What’s in that box?” His voice tilted as his smile grew, looking at the familiar pink box. 

“You know what’s in the box.” She hummed, placing it down next to him. “It’s where I stopped. I’m sorry to say I broke into them and ate a chocolate one on the drive here, but there’s 11 others in there for you to choose from.” 

“How will I ever forgive you.” His eyes rolled as he uncrossed his arms and pulled her into them, seeming to know what she needed before she could even utter a word about it. He knew what she went to do and while it was exciting, he knew she had been slightly anxious about the reaction. “You alright, darling? Seriously?” 

Y/N wasn’t sure if it was being in the safety of his arms and realizing that he was the only one she felt this safe with, if it was the slight exhaustion from not being able to sleep well, or the emotion of letting go of something that had once felt like her life, but she felt the wall hit her. Nodding into his chest, she stayed buried there as the tears bubbled over her lashline. 

“Oh, Angel. M’sorry. That’s a dumb question.”’he sighed, curling his hand around the back of her head and gently running his fingers through her hair. “I know. S’been a lot, the last few weeks. But you’re safe here, yeah? We don’t have to talk about it, or we can. It’s up to you.”

She knew he did want to. He wouldn’t press her because he was a good man and he was considerate of her feelings, but he wanted to know what happened and considering the entirety of this, she wanted to. It just… needed to be in a minute. Arms wrapped around his form as she took in unsteady breaths, trying to calm herself down. It was easier said than done when he felt like the lifeline now, but she didn’t want to cry over it. 

“We can.” She gave a watery laugh as she turned her cheek to rest on him, letting herself breathe properly instead of keeping herself shoved against his body. “I’m not upset because we broke up. I-I don’t really care about that, actually. I’m glad. He didn’t take it well but he also didn’t throw a tantrum. It just upset me because I was seeing him for one of the first times as who he was instead of m-making excuses and I felt a little dumb for staying for so long.” It was embarrassing.

Harry knew she wasn’t done so he didn’t interrupt, continuing the soothing strokes as she stayed leaning against him. “He puts people in boxes. Like he… he thought you were one dimensional and so was I. Thought that I didn’t actually know what I w-wanted, and that we were just fucking this whole time. Couldn’t believe that we were actually bonding and that you could possibly like me, or vice versa, outside a bedroom.” Her scoff made him chuckle just a bit, leaning his head down to kiss the top of hers, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. 

“And it really hit me how he couldn’t fathom that you have feelings that go past sexual deviancy or that I actually know what I want and I wasn’t just addicted to sex or something. Did you know he used to get me chocolates for Valentine’s Day but he’d get dark, and I hate dark chocolate.” She sniffled. “Or he’d make me plan stuff because I was ‘better’ at it. I just felt in charge of everything except plans with his friends, unless it had to do with getting a gift for a wedding or baby shower or birthday. Then I could handle it because… I don’t know. I was leading the whole thing and I wasn’t getting anything in return and I’m just now realizing how shitty I felt the whole time. I think I just coasted the whole time b-because my family did the whole high school or college sweetheart things and I felt like I needed to, too.”

It made a lot of sense to him, now, why she felt she needed this. The dynamic. Naturally submissive, he knew, but being forced to take the role that she didn’t want for the sake of a relationship she was trying to keep afloat merely because she felt a responsibility? His poor fucking girl. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I know it isn’t exactly the sort of thing you want to hear and it won’t make it better, but I’m sorry. It hurt you, it made you feel under appreciated and taken for granted. You didn’t deserve any of that.” 

It wouldn’t make a difference now but he wished he had met her first. Met her before Danny had gotten to her and been able to snatch her up, give her the sort of attention she properly needed, take care of her the way she had always been craving. For someone who didn’t naturally have that sort of instinct he had to imagine it was exhausting. Harry took pride in being the planner, the provider. He liked being in charge and knowing what was happening, making things easy and smooth. But for Y/N who already didn’t want to be doing it, he knew it had to have felt like she was trapped. 

“M’never going to make you do those things.” He murmured. “Not if you don’t want to. I don’t… it isn’t something that I’d ever want you to do if you didn’t want to. There is no right or wrong way to have a relationship, but the burden shouldn’t fall on only one person if they don’t want it to.” He smeared his lips in a ring of kisses around her hairline. “I know you don’t need me t’tell you that how you were treated wasn’t right, but I hope you know that you can tell me if you ever feel that way. If you… if you don’t want to do something, you don’t have to.” There was a pause. “When we’re not playing.” 

“I was gonna hold you to that.” She laughed against him, pulling her head back to look at him. “So, um.. I didn’t want to assume anything, but I’m gonna now and think that you want to.. that you like me enough to keep me around?”

Harry looked at her for a few moments before shutting his eyes, dropping his head to rest on hers. “If I hadn’t made it clear before, I think M’gonna make it even clearer now.” 

Y/N didn’t have a chance to breathe before he scooped her up to sit her in the counter, their lips fused together in a kiss she hadn’t fully felt before. Something he had held back, it lingered under it all as she easily melted into him.  It felt different, like a barrier had fallen off with the way he handled her. It was still delicate, still tender, but there was no hint of hesitancy in the way he led the kisses, smoothing his thumbs over her cheeks as he cupped her face in those massive hands she loved so much. Unhurried, unrestrained but no sense of urgency. 

Like he knew now he didn’t have to rush, that he had more time to prove to her that he meant every unspoken word he poured into this. 

The slight salt of her tears reminded him to pull back, to pace himself. Oddly enough, he had no urge to have sex right now. Everything was soft. Silky. Lovelaced and sweet, hinted with the motivation to give her the relationship that she deserved. It meant he’d have to ask her what she would want, but right now he just wanted to bask in the feeling of her in his palms and the warm sun and sugary donuts in the box and the strong coffee finishing its brew across the kitchen. 

“Hi.” He smiled lightly as he pulled back, eyes hooded as he watched hers peel open to meet his own. Her lips were bare of anything but chapstick he had faint taste of- strawberry, he was positive of it- and slightly puffy from the kiss that had gone on for a bit longer than they should have been able to breathe. 

“Hi.” Her voice was a peep as the shyness took over her face, but Harry didn’t let her move from it. As much as she wanted to burrow back into his chest, he kept her chin up. The energy was palpable, giddiness rocking his belly as he tugged her lip from her teeth. No biting of lips near him, not right now. Even if it was cute. 

There was a lot to speak about in regards to them as a pairing, but he wanted to soak in this warmth for a bit before getting down to the gritty bit of it. The girl had brought him his favorite sweets, and he wanted to enjoy them with her.

“Do you want some coffee?” 

“Tea, please.” 

—

Harry hadn’t been positive Y/N would go through with it. 

That wasn’t a fault or doubt of her person, not at all. But he knew that she really didn’t like hurting people. That much had been something he’d learned very early on in knowing her. She had been mindful of Danny’s feelings the whole time, trying not to flaunt any of it in his face and not giving details unless he asked- which he hardly did. 

They’d not really gotten any sort of response about what they’d done in front of him but Harry knew he wasn’t going to say anything about it because he would be too ashamed to admit it. He wasn’t shocked, though, when he got text messages during the day while Y/N slept soundly on his lap while watching a movie as Harry worked on his phone. She never could stay awake when the movie turned on and he played with her hair. One hand had been gently massaging her scalp while the other typed on his screen when the message popped up on his screen. 

D: I don’t know what the fuck you did to her but I hope you’re happy. I trusted you with her, man. And you fucking stole her. She was mine. That shit you’re into is disgusting and you’ve brainwashed her or something, it’s fucked up. 

Harry almost laughed at the message until he remembered what Y/N had been so upset about. The fact she hadn’t been seen as a person with her own emotions and feelings during the duration of the relationship had hit her. It may have started out good but it ended badly when she realized that he didn’t think she could choose what she liked. This was a prime example of it. 

HS: I get being upset, but I didn’t steal her. She isn’t property. She’s capable of making her own decisions and you texting me something like that proves you don’t trust her judgment yet again. I’ll do my best to make her happy, I care about her more than you can fathom. 

HS: I won’t be by any group gatherings, so don’t worry about that. Bye. 

Harry muted the conversation. 

It really wasn’t something he needed to talk to about with him anymore. He wasn’t sorry, he didn’t regret anything, he didn’t think what they did was fucked up. He could go back and forth about how Danny had been the one to hand over his girlfriend and push her right into Harry’s arms but at what cost? Why would he bother? 

She was curled in his lap, head on his thighs with soft breaths puffing against his shirt. Buttons laid at his dog bed near the fireplace and he felt that happiness bubble up in his stomach again. This was what he wanted. 

The dominant and submissive dynamic was something he loved and he enjoyed, absolutely. But the base level of his desires was wanting a real relationship with this before all the rest of it fell into place. Happiness at the most base level, trust, peace. Finding the delicate balance. 

His eyes traced over her features as his mind wandered a bit. Was a full dynamic what she wanted? Was she looking for commitment right off the bat? Or did she need a little breathing room? 

That didn’t seem as likely considering how she’d come right back home to him. 

The knowledge that she didn’t have anything holding her back was something that pleased him endlessly. He didn’t have to worry about stepping on toes. While they hadn’t expressed out loud that they wanted to be in a full and committed relationship, he knew she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to be. 

If he was honest with himself, he knew that an emotional affair had played a part in it. The both of them had been feeling things for each other for a bit, at least for him it had been a while. Y/N had poured her trust into him and he had taken that very seriously. He’d done his best to keep himself in check but now he really didn’t have to. 

It was astounding how fast emotions could form, how feelings could grow from a seedling planted in the pit of his belly to a full bloom that burst through his chest. She’d made a garden inside of him and he wanted her to see just how beautiful it could be, if she gave him the chance. A real one. 

Harry the dominant was one part of him but it wasn’t the whole part. He was a fully fleshed out human with faults. He was picky about keeping his house clean, he could be a bit pushy sometimes, he tended to isolate when he was upset about something. There was hints of insecurity and possessiveness in his personality, jealousy. God, he was a pathetically jealous person even if he tried to keep it under wraps. These were things she hadn’t exactly gotten to see, even if there were glimpses here and there. The underlying anxiety was there and prevalent that maybe she’d see those parts and not like him as much. 

The reminder that Y/N wasn’t that cruel circled back around and called him some, smiling as he felt her stir and scoot closer to him. Her nose nuzzled into his stomach, slow breathing evening out as she got comfortable again pressed up against him. The reminder that she also had faults that he hadn’t exactly seen yet was a comfort. He doubted that anything would truly scare him away, though. The obsession was already in place. 

“M’gonna do my best.” He whispered quietly, letting the back of his hand brush her warm cheek as she snoozed, unaware of his tender words under his breath. Unaware that it felt like he was holding the world in the palm of his hand now, and it was slightly terrifying as he tried to ensure he wouldn’t break it. “Gonna take care of you, sweet girl. Promise.” 

——

Their dinner was quiet. Harry had put on jazz music that was understated beneath their talking, the food was good, but there was no denying that they both knew a conversation laid ahead that would be a defining factor. 

As much as Harry tried to be calm about it, he was slightly nervous. Y/N looked slightly anxious and he tried to keep his shoulders relaxed but it was hard to when he was unsure what part she was anxious about. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long. 

“I’m over Danny.” She blurted out. The dam had splintered and she felt like she couldn’t keep it back anymore. “I think I was over him for a long time. if he was in love with me, he would have never sent me to fuck around with someone else. If I was truly in love with him, I wouldn’t have agreed. I wouldn’t have been so eager to come and see you. It has been bothering me for a bit thinking maybe I was a bad person for wanting to move on so quickly but I think I had accepted subconsciously that it had been over for so long that it made it easier for me to feel almost single when I was around you.” Taking a gulp of air, she continued. To his credit Harry didn’t interrupt, merely folded his hands on the table and looked intently at her. 

“The last thing I want you to consider yourself is a rebound, though. I’ve been torn because… while I know I like you a lot, and I do- I really do like you,” she paused to give him a nervous smile. “I wanted to make sure that you understand that I never saw you as someone to move on with when I wasn’t distracted by him in the first place. Every single time we were together I forgot about him. As cruel as it sounds… maybe the first time I had thought about how much better it was and how this was what I was missing, that I knew he’d never be capable of the things I wanted- but being with you was never about him for me.”

Y/N knew she was a flawed individual and it wasn’t a secret. It wasn’t morally right to most people and she understood that. But this had felt like a natural turn of events for her.

“You’ve been at the forefront of my mind since we first met up at the coffee shop. I always thought you were slightly intimidating and very handsome, very kind- but once I had the go ahead to think of you as more, it never stopped. It only grew.” Her eyes dropped to her mostly finished plate as she took a deeper breath. It felt like an avalanche of words were trying to come out, all the things she had held back coming out now that she felt safe enough to. 

“I thought at first it really was a favor to him, that you were doing this because you were a good friend. But I… I’d like to think I have good enough senses to know that you enjoyed it too. You paid me more attention than anyone else ever has. From the texting to check in and remembering things I said off hand, to getting me things that are so unique to me and our conversations… it blew me away.” Her fingers fiddled with the napkin before she braved his eyes again. 

“I just wanted to tell you that I… I really would like to try. With you. The um, the dominant stuff too, but… more? If that's something you’d want.” 

“It is.” There was no hesitation in his answer, knowing she was losing steam in her rant. “It’s what I’ve wanted for a while. I tried very hard to be respectful at first, you know…” he swallowed, trying to find the words. “I wanted to be respectful because of you. I didn’t want to get out of turn. And then… I started to care less about it when I saw how little he cared about your relationship himself. I didn’t take the favor on directly because he asked me.” This was a revelation, just a bit. “I took it on because I knew you, I knew the… I know how it is wanting to try something and feeling like you’ve got no options. I also know how dangerous it could be with the wrong hands on you. And I cared for you, back then more so as a friend but I cared and didn’t want you to have a bad experience. I wanted it to be safe and pleasure filled and selfishly, I was attracted to you as it was.” 

He may have fooled himself into thinking it was for Danny but he knew deep down why he had done it. 

“I think that you took me by surprise. How well we worked together from day one. It felt like… you were made for me. Y’know?”

“Yeah.” She peeped. “I felt the same.”

The small smile on his lips was a reward for her, the table being a good divider for now. If it wasn’t there he knew he would be distracted by wanting to touch her. “Good. I was taken back by it and I wanted more n’more, I got selfish and greedy for a bit. I broke a little, having you in the cafe bathroom. Doin’ that, it was selfish for me. For us. There wasn’t anything pre planned and I knew by how you reacted I wasn’t exactly alone in the want to do more but I didn’t want to make you feel guilty, so I kept it back for a bit.”

It had been so difficult not to beg for me. Ask her to come over during the week when he felt especially lonely. Even just to have her sit in his bed and leave her scent all over the sheets or hear her padding around while he worked. That was the domesticity that he wanted. “It’s been more than sex for me for a while. I know the dynamic is more than that too, but I found myself wanting you around more. Wanting to do more things with you than what we were supposed to do. When we went out the first time together, had me all sort of nervous in the good way and I realized I was getting myself into something that could be really good, or really bad.” His heart had been on the line the whole time. 

“Listen.” Leaning forward, he clasped his hands together again as he had her eyes. “I want t’be with you too. I want more. I want… the fun side where we play and go to the club, all of that. But I want more, too. The dinners and having you in my bed, without fucking. The softer things. I know that in the past you mentioned you had to control everything in your last relationship and I wanted to warn you that m’not like that- I like control in all areas of my life. It’s one of those things I’ve tried to work on a bit. Not necessarily of you in the traditional sense but… I like t’plan the dates. I like to feel needed, don’t mind bein’ the one to take care of you as long as you save that softness for me. Jus’ like you loving on me and being that sweet girl that you’ve shown me so far, and it’ll make me happy.” His hands itched to grab her. “Does that sound like something you can deal with.”

“It sounds like it’s perfect.” A shaky laugh left her as she felt slightly like she was dreaming. “I want to know more about how I can give back to you if you’re doing all the controlling but I… I really like that idea. I don’t mind you being the one to do all those things.” His version was exactly what she wanted. 

“Good.” The sigh of relief was enough to relax his shoulders. “Now c’mon over here. You’ve been far away from me for far too long.”

Y/N scrambled up and rounded the table, a shy smile lighting up her face as she sat in his lap and giggled in surprise as his mouth met hers, eager and languid as his large hand held her hip. She felt safe. Giddy. Warm. She could get used to this. 

[kiwriteswords]

LEts see a hallmark-y meet cute Hotch and Readr christmas drabble

Let your heart be light [Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader]

Masterlist || Ao3||Word Count: 1.3k|| 

Tags/Warnings: no use of y/n, Hotch feeling like a bad parent, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Actual tooth-rotting Fluff, Stranded at the airport, alcohol tw, possibly ooc for Hotch at the end but I wanted to add fluff.

Sypnosis: Amid a holiday snowstorm, Aaron Hotchner and a fellow stranded traveler, you, find unexpected camaraderie at an airport bar

The bustling atmosphere of the commercial airport was the last place Aaron Hotchner wanted to find himself, especially so close to the holidays. The snowstorm outside raged with a fury, mirroring the frustration bubbling within him and his team. Flights were canceled left and right--starting with the private jet, announcements blaring over the loudspeakers only added to the cacophony, and families and travelers alike were stranded—much like the BAU.

Rossi, ever the optimist or perhaps just desperate for a distraction, led the way through the crowded terminals. “If we’re going to be stuck with the general population, we might as well live it up,” he declared, guiding the team—JJ, Emily, Derek, Spencer, and a reluctant Hotch—toward the airport bar.

The bar was a loud, colorful oasis amid the sea of frustrated passengers. The team found a corner where they could at least hear each other over the din. Hotch sat with them, his mind a thousand miles away with Jack, hoping he wouldn’t be too disappointed if Daddy missed Christmas morning.

“You look like someone stole your last cookie, Hotch,” Derek teased, nudging him slightly with his elbow.

Hotch managed a tight-lipped smile. “Just thinking about Jack,” he admitted, scanning the room distractedly. That’s when he noticed you. You were sitting alone at the bar, your posture relaxed despite the chaos, sipping on a drink and occasionally glancing at your phone.

Unexpectedly, a bartender approached him with a glass, setting it down in front of him. “Compliments of the lady over at the bar,” the bartender said, nodding in your direction.

Hotch’s eyes widened slightly, following the bartender’s gesture back to you. The team had noticed the exchange too, their teasing grins growing wider.

“She’s beautiful, Hotch. And it looks like she thinks you could use some company,” Emily commented, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“You should go say hi,” JJ added, her voice warm and encouraging.

Hotch hesitated, his usual reservations about such situations wrestling with the unexpected kindness you’d shown. “She probably just feels sorry for the lonely guy in a suit,” he muttered.

“Or maybe she recognizes a handsome man when she sees one. Go on, Aaron,” Rossi pushed, not letting Hotch’s self-doubt win.

With a deep breath, Hotch stood and made his way over to you. He could feel the eyes of his team on his back, their whispers barely masked by their attempts to not make it obvious they were watching.

As he approached, you looked up, your eyes meeting his. “Hi,” he started, feeling unusually out of his element. “I wanted to thank you for the drink.”

You smiled, a genuine, warm smile that made the corners of your eyes crinkle slightly. “You looked more down and out than me, so I figured you could use it more,” you replied, your tone light and friendly.

Hotch chuckled softly, the sound more relaxed than he felt. “That’s very kind of you. Are you also stranded?”

“Yeah, was heading home for Christmas, but it looks like I’m spending it with airport cocktails instead,” you said, gesturing to the chaos outside the window where snow continued to blanket the runway.

“What about you? Any plans ruined by this storm?” you asked, tilting your head slightly, inviting him to share more.

Hotch took a sip of the drink you’d sent him, finding comfort in the simple act. “Trying to get home to my son. He’s expecting Santa and his dad, not necessarily in that order.”

Your expression softened. “He’s lucky to have a dad rushing to get back to him. I’m sure he’ll understand, though. Sometimes things are out of our control.”

Hotch nodded, feeling the truth in your words. He glanced back at the bar where his team was pretending not to watch them. “My team seems to think I should thank you more properly for the drink. They’re... supportive like that.”

Laughing, you glanced over his shoulder at the group waving subtly. “They seem like a good bunch. How about we join forces and make the best of this holiday delay?” you suggested with a playful grin.

Hotch couldn’t help but smile back, feeling an unexpected ease in your company. “That sounds like a plan,” he agreed, his voice carrying a hint of relief.

Together, you walked over to the bar where the team eagerly made space for both of you. Rossi, always quick to turn a stranger into a friend, raised his glass in a welcoming toast. "To unexpected Christmas companions!"

The evening rolled on with laughter and stories exchanged over rounds of drinks. Hotch found himself increasingly drawn to your sense of humor and the easy way you interacted with his team. You shared tales of your own holiday mishaps from previous years, each story more engaging than the last. Hotch reciprocated with anecdotes of his own, each glimpse into his life making you laugh and lean in closer.

As the night deepened and the crowd thinned, you and Hotch found yourselves lingering at the bar long after the others had decided to find a hotel for the night. The din of the airport had mellowed to a soft murmur, and the storm outside seemed less severe when viewed from the warm glow of the bar.

“You know, I never thought I’d find myself hoping a flight would get delayed longer,” Hotch confessed, his eyes locked on yours. “But I’m glad I did tonight.”

You smiled, the light catching your eyes in a way that made his heart skip a beat. “I guess some Christmas surprises come in unexpected packages,” you quipped, nudging his hand with yours on the bar top.

Hotch found himself reaching out, his hand covering yours. “This is definitely one surprise I'm thankful for,” he said, his voice lower now, more intimate.

You didn’t pull away. Instead, you intertwined your fingers with his, the simple act charged with an unspoken promise. “Aaron, if we’re stuck here, might as well make the most of it, right? How about we go for a walk? It might be nice to see the snow without a window between us.”

He hesitated for a fraction of a second—thinking of protocols and proprieties—but then he nodded. “Let’s do that.”

Wrapped up in borrowed airport scarves and coats, you walked together through the near-deserted terminals. The snow outside painted everything in shades of muted silver and white, and the world felt hushed, paused at your shared footsteps.

As you walked, Hotch found himself opening up about more than just work or his son. He talked about his hopes, his past holidays, and even his fears. You listened, offering thoughts and laughter in equal measure, pulling him out of his reserved shell.

Eventually, you stopped at a large window overlooking the tarmac, where the snow was piling up on empty jets. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? How something as simple as snow can change everything,” you mused, leaning against the glass.

“It is,” Hotch agreed, standing close enough to share warmth. He looked down at you, the fluorescent lights of the terminal casting shadows that played across your face. “You know, I think this is the most I’ve relaxed in a long time.”

“That’s what holidays are for, right? Even if they don’t go as planned,” you said, looking up at him with a smile that suggested so much more than casual conversation.

Hotch nodded, lost for a moment in the depth of your gaze. Then, almost without thinking, he leaned down, his voice a whisper. “May I?”

Your answer was to rise slightly on your toes, closing the distance, your lips meeting his in a gentle, tentative kiss that spoke of new beginnings and mutual understanding. It was a kiss that promised more, a kiss that acknowledged the snowstorm outside not as a barrier, but as a backdrop to something unexpected and just as beautiful.

As you both pulled back, breathless from the contact and the emotions it stirred, Hotch knew this Christmas would be one to remember, not for the plans that went awry, but for the unexpected gift of meeting someone who turned a delay into a moment worth savoring.

Tag List:

@zaddyhotch

@estragos

@todorokishoe24

@looking1016

@khxna

@rousethemouse

@averyhotchner

@reidfile

@bernelflo

@lover-of-books-and-tea

@frickin-bats

@sleepysongbirdsings

@justyourusualash

@person-005

[dimlylittorch]

sighhhh the silco brain rot is real. i need him like i need air. he’s on my christmas list.

My Masterlist🌱

Silco x transmasc!chubby!sweetheart!assistant!reader

extension of this drabble

this is very ‘by me, for me’😀 so reader may not cater to everyone, forgive my self indulgence. IT ENDED WITH ANGST I’M SORRY. THIS IS PART 1, THERE WILL BE MORE I PROMISE

You had been working for Silco for a few weeks now, and to be quite honest you liked your job. He treated you well, the pay was good, and considering you lived in Piltover it was nice to see a whole other world that you never knew much about.

Silco had taken a special liking to you- it was clear to anyone no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Let’s just say he liked to keep you on a short leash. He felt more comfortable when he had you at his side, more at ease. Of course, you were such a sweet little thing you never even noticed. He’s very nice to you- maybe he’s just a great boss, right?

He initially had planned on having you as more of a trophy, not really expecting you to do any real work. But much to his surprise you took your job seriously. On your first day you’d walked in with your own satchel bag, notepads and pens at the ready for whenever he needed you. Having people at his disposal was a common thing for him, of course. But having someone be so eager to work for him? It made his chest stir in ways he hadn’t felt in years.

When you were in the room, his eyes were always following. He couldn’t help it. You were like a swan surrounded by geese- you stood out beautifully compared to everyone else in the Undercity. Whether it be your topsider clothing or your kind features, it didn’t matter. You kept his gaze all the same.

One thing he adored about you was your clothing to be honest. Everything you wore was soft and clean, nothing like the others. You weren’t here to fight, so no need to dress like it, right? You were oblivious to how often he had to kick someone’s head in before walking back into his office to give you a faint smile and nod before discussing business. The first time you wore a turtle neck he swore his heart stopped. A brown turtle neck with earthy green pants and brown boots. When you saw the look on his face as you pulled your jacket off, you paused.

“I’m sorry- I meant to ask you if Earth tones were okay” you say softly, gaze laced with worry that you’d done something wrong. “I can go home and change if it’s not the office attire you had in mind-“ you start to say, but he quickly cuts you off.

“It’s fine.” He says simply, but his heart was hammering in his chest. “We don’t have a dress code.. just as long as you look nice.” I murmurs before he takes a puff of his cigar, trying to seem nonchalant- but in reality, he didn’t ask anyone else to look nice. Only you.

His words made a smile form on your lips, as sweet as always. “Of course- I think I can manage that.” You say sweetly.

He had gotten you your own desk in his office of all places. He always wanted you within arms reach if possible. Anything you requested he got for you. Although he had to make it seem like he was begrudging about it, in reality he had it ordered within a day.

You had been sitting at your desk, sorting a few papers into different folders before glancing over at him. “Do you think.. maybe I could have a filing cabinet?” You said softly, your voice quiet but he heard it clearly throughout the silent office.

“Whatever for?” He muttered with faux annoyance.

“Well- it would make keeping track of the files a lot more convenient. I can make them more easily accessible for you that way.” You say tentatively. “That is- if you plan on keeping me for long enough to set it all up.”

He’d tensed at your last words- the thought of you leaving making his blood pressure spike. “I’ll see what I can do.” Let’s just say you had a filing cabinet next to your desk the next day.

He’s always hesitant to have you do any work that involves you talking with other people. You’re not used to how rough they are, and he’d hate for his favorite little assistant to get dirtied by some street rat. He does find that you do well with his other workers. It’s often the same case as him- they have to maintain their image, so they act like they don’t like you. But in reality they do appreciate a non threatening presence every once in a while.

He had snapped at one of his men that were rude to you, even though you had simply smiled and taken it before making yourself scarce. He came up to you later and told you he’d ’handled it.’

“Assistant” he murmurs as he walks into his office, slamming the door behind him. You were sitting at your desk with your sleeve rolled over your hand, resting at the corner of your eye as you keep your gaze on your paperwork. You might’ve shed a tear or two.. who can blame you? These people were much scarier than you were used to. Silco certainly didn’t. He walks over to your desk, standing next to the filing cabinet and leaning against it while taking a puff of his cigar. “The moment someone has a problem with you, they have a problem with me.” He says quietly, his tone laced with a little layer of venom. “Be a good boy and let me know the next time someone misbehaves, hm?”

One night you end up staying in the office later than you had expected to, grabbing your bag and heading out the door. When you realize how late it is you hesitate, seeing how the streets were full of all kinds of.. people. Lucky for you Silco was just coming back from some business, raising and eyebrow when he sees you outside by yourself at that time of night.

“Assistant?” He questions quietly as he slips out of the alley way and into the light. You flinch slightly, but quickly relax and smile when you see that it’s him.

“How was your meeting?” You say sweetly as you stand in the doorway to his office, completely unaware that his ‘meeting’ was just settling a score or two.

“Business as usual” he murmurs as he moves to stand at the bottom of the small step. “And what, might I ask, are you still doing here?”

When he’s only a few inches in front of you, you feel your face flush slightly. You smiled wider, hoping he wouldn’t notice it. “I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.. I suppose I’ve gotten used to you kicking me out at quitting time” you chuckle.

“Hm” he hums as he glances around, noticing the stragglers wandering down the dark streets. “I’ll walk you home.” He speaks, leaving no room for argument. You couldn’t refuse, could you? So you simply followed him down the winding streets.

“I’m sorry to make you walk me all the way up there..” you murmur faintly as you both stroll along at a leisurely pace. It was easy to walk without fear when he was next to you.. no one would dare come up to you- or him, for that matter. “But I really do appreciate you.”

He doesn’t miss the way his heart skips a beat when he hears your words. ‘You.’ You could’ve easily said ‘I really do appreciate it.’ But you said ‘You.’ It drove him up the wall knowing how the smallest things you did and said made him feel like a teenager again. “What kind of man would I be if I didn’t walk you home..” he murmurs while taking a puff of his cigar.

And of course, his words make your heart skip a beat too. He could’ve easily said ‘boss’ instead of ‘man’. But he didn’t. He saw himself as more than your boss. You liked that. More than you thought you would. You felt stupid for letting yourself get worked up something so simple.

Once he’d walked you to the elevator that led up to Piltover, you both stopped at the door. Keeping your eyes downcast shyly, he couldn’t help but let his eyes trail over you, hands slipping into his pockets as he tosses his cigar and steps on it, oozing as much confidence as usual. It was hard to hide the way your cheeks were burning slightly. When was the last time a man was nice enough to walk you home?

He knew you’d be safe from here.. no sense in going up with you. He starts to turn away to slip back into the dark streets, but before he can you grab his arm, keeping him from leaving. He tenses, slowly looking over his shoulder to meet your eyes, his eyebrow raising questioningly.

When you realize what you’d done you quickly let go of him, but not before straightening out the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m sorry.” You say quickly. “I just-“ you add, trying to think of something reasonable to say. When you can’t think of anything.. you decide to settle for the truth. “You’re a really.. good man.” You say gently as your eyes meet his own.

The second you had grabbed his arm, every nerve in his body was on fire. You’d barely touched before, and it was something he didn’t know he needed so desperately. When he hears your words, he can’t help but stay quiet for a moment. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had said he was good, let alone complimented him. And your honesty? He adored. He didn’t know anyone that dared be honest with how they felt. “I don’t think you know me very well if you think that.” He says quietly, trying to make his voice uncaring. His eyes glance down at his sleeve where you’d just touched him.. he swore he could still feel your hands on him.

“You’re kind to me.” You say softly. “And you listen. You’ve never yelled at me- not to mention you walked me all the way over here..” you murmur.

He could hardly believe his ears. Yes, he had been especially nice to you. But for someone like you? That should all be the bare minimum. “Do you always get emotionally attached to your employers?” He snaps, taking a few steps away from you.

Your heart freezes at his tone, quickly taking a step back yourself. “I.. I thought-“

“Perhaps you should try to be an adult.” He says firmly as he adjusts his shirt where your hands had been. “Whatever you’re thinking- get it out of your head. I don’t pay you to think, do I?” He mutters coldly as he starts walking down the alleyway.

Leaving you standing there was one of the hardest things he’s done. He couldn’t show weakness. He couldn’t let you worm your way into his heart. But you already had. And he’d just ruined it all.

[dilf-luvr-4evr]

Marry-Me-Salmon | Joel Miller x F!Reader

The amount of game Joel fics aren’t enough‼️ Taking matters into my own hands. Though I think they somewhat behave the same! I saw these recipes of “marry me salmon” going around and got inspired lol. Just tooth rotting fluff and a bit predictable but I just wanna see this man happy :(🩷

(Set in Jackson and Joel lives forever in MY blog ☝🏼)

Joel had bought a ring.

It was like his body moved on its own. When he laid his eyes on the thing, he thought there could possibly be no ring that could be more you.

That was a week ago. Why he bought it, he still doesn’t know. Well.. He knows exactly why. Just didn’t want to do it. Scared to do it. And this is coming from a man who isn’t scared of much.

You were arguably the best thing to ever walk into his life. Why you chose his hard-ass, he’ll never understand. After three years of you shutting him up and convincing him that you love him (you’d make him repeat it too), by default he’d say that yes, you do love him. But deep down, he still has a hard time believing it. He just knows that he’s very scared of losing you. And that he’s a goddamn lucky bastard.

So he decided, he doesn’t want to scare you off until he’s perfectly sure you wanted to be with him (yes, three whole years and he still isn’t sure). The ugly insecure monster within him thinks the day will never arrive. But in the comfortable silence that you two occasionally shared tangled with each other, he somehow had a feeling. Though fleeting, he did feel from the way you squeezed his hand, that you wanted this forever thing just as much as he did. So maybe — just maybe — your words did pierce through him. And he keeps the ring in his back pocket all the time just in case.

A week ago, you had overheard some ladies in the Square telling a story about how her husband of thirty-six years decided to propose to her because she cooked him the marry-me-salmon. You scoffed at the idea. There was no way it was that simple. Right?

Fast forward to present day, a salmon fillet was laid in front of you. You didn’t know how, you didn’t know why, but you managed to pull the strings. Although.. you know exactly why. Just didn’t wanna admit it. Shy to say it. Hence the salmon. You just wanted to cook Joel something nice. A lie you tell yourself.

The problem is, you don’t really cook. You learned to, yes, and occasionally do because of the situation of the world. But the marry-me-salmon intimidated you, the scribbled recipe mocking you from the counter. Were you too desperate? No use crying over spilled milk. Or in this case, killed salmon.

“What’s this I’m smelling?” You can hear the faint sound of Joel’s teasing as he made his way downstairs. You rolled your eyes, knowing he’d make fun of you attempting to cook. Before you know it, he was already behind you, trying to take a peek at what you’re making.

“Go away, it’s a surprise,” you quickly say, rushing to cover the recipe title. You would rather die than have him see that. He chuckled at your panicked reaction and raised his hands up in defeat.

“Alright, darlin’,” he grinned ear to ear, leaving a kiss on the top of your head before retreating to the dining table. “Just don’t burn down the kitchen,” he teased again. You clicked your tongue in annoyance though you can’t help but smile.

You messed up the recipe a bit. And it didn’t help that Joel kept looking up from the book that Ellie lent him to see what you’re cooking. You shouldn’t have said it was a surprise because you’ve got him awfully curious. At least it’s finally finished. You tried to plate it nicely, earning a few chuckles from Joel from how endearing you looked. It was lost on him why you had to be doing all this.

“And what did I do to deserve this?” He asked, cocking a brow at you when you put down the dish in front of him. He immediately closed his book, taking a whiff of the salmon.

“Just.. Cause I love you,” you smiled, taking a seat across him and propping your cheek on your palm. He chuckled again, warmth spreading in his chest. There was no way you cooked for him without any ulterior motive. If Joel learned anything from those three years with you, it is that you hate cooking unless you really have to.

But when you’re this beautiful, speaking to him so softly with that angelic smile? All for him? Joel chooses to believe you. He was a goddamn lucky bastard indeed.

“Well I love you too darlin’, thank you,” he says genuinely in that baritone voice of his. The sweetness of the moment didn’t last very long as he starts cutting the fish and you anxiously waited for his reaction. You just hope that the little mistake you made wasn’t very crucial to the dish. He eventually puts it in his mouth and started chewing.

“Well?” You ask, not even giving him a second. He hummed, taking a moment to process the taste. It was quite alright. He thought it could use more salt.

“S’good,” he nodded with a little smile. You knew damn well he was lying. And you knew that he would finish the whole thing anyway just because you made it. You wondered if the mistake you made had been that bad or if the lady at the square was full of shit.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” You pouted, pulling the plate and taking a fork to taste it yourself.

“Darlin’, I said it was good,” he insisted, his brows knitted together. He’d tease you til his death but he’s so sweet when he needed to be. It made you feel really bad. You finally tried it yourself and none of you were exactly right. It was just.. Average. Okay. Edible. Just needed more salt. You felt silly for not giving it a taste test before serving it.

“I’ll fix it,” you say, abruptly standing up to look for the salt above the counter. It wasn’t there. You hurriedly searched the kitchen like a cop scanning for drugs.

“Darlin’,” Joel chuckled, standing with you. “Would you just sit down?” You didn’t listen, suddenly remembering that you ate breakfast in front of the TV and brought the salt with you. You were already running to the couch before Joel could stop you.

As he shakes his head with a loving smile, he sees it. The scribbled recipe on the counter. The marry-me-salmon.

He felt like the wind got knocked out of his lungs. This was it. You wanted to marry him. He quickly reached into his back pocket as if he was trained to do so upon hearing the information. His mind was screaming at him, now! Now! Now! Hell, did he even prepare a question?

You got back to the kitchen to find Joel on one knee. A ring between his thumb and his pointer finger. Funny enough, you thought it really was because of the salmon. In a way, it is kind of true. Are all salmons hexed with a marriage spell no matter how bad they taste? Doesn’t matter. Joel Miller, the love of your life, was finally proposing to you. You shakily exhaled as if you’ve been holding your breath for a while.

“Darlin’..” Joel began, his voice shaking. Though he didn’t really know what to say except for the desperation that he felt. The urgency to just be with you. “Please marry me?”

As tears formed in your eyes, still not believing what’s happening, you can’t help but ask him, “Is it because of the salmon?”

my masterlist

thank you for reading!! 🫶🏼

[xx-riffraff-xx]

~ the care and keeping of plants ~

premise; The N109 Zone has no plants. Except for the ones you brought for Sylus.

warnings; might be OOC, but other than that none this is tooth-rotting fluff.

a/n; been watching a lot of sylus' memories online lately and the part in captivating moment where he talks about the plants in the N109 Zone got to me. have this. promise i will make more not-sylus things eventually, he has me in a fucking chokehold rn and I WANT OUT.

It’s a well-known fact that there are no plants in the N109 Zone. The lack of sunlight makes it impossible for any growth whatsoever. Rain is rare and dirt settles in a thin film over all the fake plants. Most people in the N109 Zone don’t care, the fake plants are enough for them, but not for Sylus.

He has grown used to it, or he pretends he has. The flowers in his sconces wilt in the hallway and a lone dead cactus sits on his desk. Every time he visits you in Linkon, you make sure the two of you walk through the park together. Whether you’re looking at the spring blossoms or resting under a shady maple tree during the summer, pressing fallen leaves into books in the fall or making snow angels in the winter, Sylus always looks happier after he sees you.

It starts small, like most things do. You decide it would be nice if you kept more plants around your apartment for when he comes over. So you buy a couple hanging plants for your porch, then some ivy that creeps up your wall. He spends a few minutes admiring them every time. Once, you “forget” to water them and then you’re watching Sylus, leader of Onychinus and most feared resident of the N109 Zone, tenderly watering the plants in your apartment.

Naturally, you go further. You spend time researching grow lights and plants. Next time you’re at his base, you replace the cactus with a potted pothos plant. You leave a little grow light on a timer next to it. When the pothos doesn’t die, you take it a step further.

While Sylus is sleeping, you enlist the Trouble Twins to help you replace all the dying, wilted flowers in the hallway sconces with cherry caramel phlox. You plant the flowers, the twins position grow lights above the sconces.

Sylus knows, of course, that it’s you doing this for him. He pretends to be none the wiser because it makes you happy. He has scheduled an hour for the care and keeping of his plants. His base has become the most vegetated area in the N109 Zone.

Your magnum opus comes in the form of a commandeered corner of his base for an artificial sunroom. The twins help you set it up. The room is crowded with plants, a small pathway through the jungle snaking into the back corner. It’s brightly lit from all the grow lights hanging from the ceiling. Gentle trickling from the waterfall in the fish tank blankets the space. It’s comfortably warm. A desk sits pushed against the wall under a small potted mango tree, the potted pothos that started it all resting on top. You wanted a sanctuary for him. And you. But mostly him.

(Coincidentally, he gave you a credit card when you first started planning the project. He directed you to use it for “any big purchases.” You think he knows, but you’ve decided not to think about it too hard.)

When you finally show it to him, he’s extremely pleased. He doesn’t say this, but you can tell from the way he moves around the space. The stressed lines of his shoulders seem to soften into smooth curves. His typical threatening aura melts into something more gentle. He takes your hand and pulls you under the mango tree, laying in the dappled artificial sunlight with you on his chest.

“Thank you, sweetheart. It’s perfect.”

[kazxraval]

Kaz felt confident he knew all of Emre's grins. Many prompted a most affectionate question: what is this fucker thinking? Others started a blazing fire in him, one that sparked low and radiated all throughout. Several were meant to be kissed off Emre's face. Twisty, bittersweet ones made Kaz want to grasp a shoulder, a hand, and look away. One in particular lived rent-free in Kaz's mind (an amused disbelief with a matching shake of the head).

This grin he knew too. Allow it, calm, everything is alright. Fair enough.

Somehow, Kaz kept the back and forth with Ginger Frank. Until his gaze connected to Emre's. Later, he'd wonder how Emre counted on Kaz to not hesitate and fire the speargun. Because even as he avoided being kicked and tripped by a semi-conscious Georgie, Kaz wasn't sure himself. (Perhaps it wasn't as much of a mystery as Kaz thought too.)

Sounds were muffled below the fast beat of his own heart, an enraged drum beat in his ears. Should he be worried more over how loud and rapid his heart raced, or by the silent squeeze of the trigger?

As soon as his hands touched Emre, ambient noise returned to pummel him. The discordant rock-and-slam of the other boat, still lodged on whatever it had initially struck. Gurgling, gagging, twitching limbs, and the scrape of a spear tip all played into a symphony of dying men on the floor of the deck feet away from them.

Emre's remark brought on a hideous recollection. Static postcard images of Emre, a true crime scene In the blue glow of the teleporters. About as lifeless on the ground as Frank. I'm alright. And already jumping to the next step. Not a minute to spare.

"Maybe I can figure it out." How to keep this new boat afloat. A big maybe, yet no other option appeared. He paused to watch and feel the soft scratch of Emre's beard in his palm with the kiss. Then, Emre flashed knives, like teeth in all those grins he memorized.

But, Georgie. An immediate frown was his response. The entire trip, Kaz fought through war zones to reach Emre. Every time he caught up, had a square inch of peace, he was shoved into battle again. "She don't know how--" he fumed, "I'm telling you." Not the worst logic, and Kaz was still surprised she made it so far. He started to look back to the other boat, but stopped as he caught sight of the dead crewman in his peripheral. "Why do you keep making me haul her ass around?"

Emre's hand flattened to Kaz's chest. Kaz's heart still ran wild and currently pounded in his throat too. He covered the hand with his own, with fingers curled under Emre's. Silver beads of rain began to sprinkle into Emre's hair from above. No fat drops, but he kind of wish there had been. The heaviest rain was what was needed to wash all the hell away. "Don't need a brolly when it's only drizzling," with a small and tired smile. Brolly, for Emre's amusement.

The latest idea worst than the last. "You want me to just wait on the fucking bridge while you're alone down there?" Not likely. He huffed in annoyance. "If you're not back up here in five minutes, I will come get you." Emre's knuckles were covered in dirt and blood, but Kaz kissed them anyway.

Hauling Georgie over to the new boat and cutting loose from the old one certainly burned more than the pledged five minutes. The blonde was propped up in what was presumed to be Frank's old chair at the helm-- rotted, split vinyl, the swivel of the seat squealed angrily with every half circle turn. He recognized an old fish finder set up on the dash and tapped it. "Is this how they avoided the reef, when your boat ran into it?"

Georgie's eyes remained closed as her grin spread. A lower giggle registered, and she slurred in a sarcastic tone, 'You're soooo smart.'

Kaz grabbed her by the shoulders and shook. Georgie's head flopped and bobbed with little control. "I didn't want to bring you on board. He did. Least you can do is help!"

'... but you did. You didn't leave me. Guess that friend of yours knows.' Her lips smacked and eyes cracked open. She sighed in resignation and pointed to a few lights on a control panel. Georgie walked him through the steps needed to raise the anchor and re-engage the engine, while the pair sniped back and forth. Kaz turned to study Georgie. She held on by a thread somehow, battered and seriously injured. "Georgina. What's below deck. What're they carrying on the ship."

She smiled again, eyelids fluttered in a fight to stay open, flyaways from her frazzled blonde braid peeled off her sticky-blood-and-sweat covered neck. 'Find out for yourself.'

Georgie covered a thick cough with her arm and began to get the boat moving. Kaz carefully crept below deck. At the bottom he paused to listen. Silence. Where was Emre?? Furious, he began to search. One hatch in the floor led to another, lower hold. Narrow but deep, perhaps originally meant to store fishing gear.

Kaz was looking down into the space when Emre finally appeared. He motioned Em over with a wave. "I found this." Kaz swept the beam of a flashlight below. Curled up on the steel floor below was a sleeping Ali. At least Kaz hoped Ali only slept. "Fuck. They might've..." he stopped himself, edited the blunt words that were about to come out of his mouth, as Emre seemed fond of the little shit.

"Maybe they doped him up or something." Like a child given sea sickness tablets to sleep on a short ferry ride. There wasn't any sign of blood on his clothes, bandages anywhere underneath. Just that same damn tatt they noticed earlier. "I can check his pulse." Instead, Kaz turned the light directly on Ali's face. After several long moments, his features contorted, and the boy whined in annoyance. Kaz's brows tensed. "Look. He's fine, isn't he. Gotta fumigate the place to get rid of the kid."

"What else did you find down here?"

"Soon, man," Emre replied with a wicked grin, so Kaz wasn't too bothered. The man was dealing with enough; Emre certainly didn't want to add to his already long list. From getting the tar beaten out of him, to now being responsible for a woman who, from Emre's understanding, had once loomed large and starry in Kaz's youthful eyes.

Now barely spared a glance, by Kaz. How cold Kaz Raval could become. How this man, who's pretty words 'Gonna have to claim you again...' could warm Emre now, from tip to toe. Kaz was not a fickle man; at least Emre believed, about matters of his heart. What family might've lived there, now carved out with a knife. How much his young, tender heart might've bled for Georgina, now cauterized into scars Kaz wouldn't even acknowledge. How profoundly Kaz could cut people off, people he might've once tried to love.

It was unnerving for someone like Emre, who didn't know how to give up on his messy, often ruinous relationships. The both of them, responsible for now being alone (either deliberately or through circumstance)...now together. Yeah, definitely soon.

Kaz's tone as he volleyed with Ginger could easily be interpreted any which way; and Emre could imagine his stony-faced expression paired with it. A frothy, greedy little thrill in Emre, because he got to hear a different sort of Kaz, got to bask in a myriad of faceted expressions that lit up or reddened those gorgeous features. Kaz's private looks - perfect distraction to think about, as Emre's hands moved in efficient death.

Georgina to her credit (Emre thought) made some final attempt at chaos, knowing her time was ending at the hands of a very special man. A man that she remembered still, had staying power in her brain after all these years. Emre couldn't even fault her, but his instincts took over. Kaz, the wildcard, the unpredictable.

Emre heard the spear gun. Or rather, he registered the milliseconds of a terrible woosh of the spear gun; a crack-squelch of Ginger's head now punctuated by dark red and a metal tip. "Oh fuck," Emre exhaled, staring as Ginger didn't register his fate at first. (The head felt no pain? There's no pain receptors in the brain? Folktales that spun around the nightclub tables of gangsters and roadmans, weird tales). By the time he fell, Emre looked up to find Kaz hopping over the rail, long legs easily finding purchase.

A face like smooth marble, as Kaz rounded on a cringing deckhand. "Kaz wait no -" Emre started, but the whoosh-kthunk to the throat (so precise! Oh Kaz...) ended the man's life without a second thought.

"Kaz..." Emre whispered, pushing himself up to standing. Only for Kaz to turn and face him, with the most gentle of looks, large eyes turned softest brown under that rain-patter of blood-spray across Kaz's features. The most concerned fingers slid around the back of Emre's head, checking, petting. Questions asked. Emre felt like he was in a strange dream, suddenly. One where blood and violence - things he associated with hatred, necessity, cold, cruel desperation - now blended with the sweetest kindness towards him. Towards him, genuine attention meant for Emre. Him and Kaz, creating something terrifyingly new here. Did Kaz feel it too, Emre wondered.

"I'm alright, I've been through worse," he said, smirking even when Kaz's fingers brushed over the scars of a baseball bat to Emre's head, many months ago. He nodded to the throated crewman. "But we still don't got no mandem who knows how to sail this thing. Might be more below decks."

Emre nodded, gathered his thoughts. When it came to killing, violence, it was never over. Once it started, it just kept going and going and fucking going... Emre wanted to be home. Home with Kaz, clean and scrubbed after a hot, painful shower together. He shook his head to clear it.

"Right. I'll go down - I'm alright," he assured Kaz, holding Kaz's wrist. Kissing a calloused palm that smelled like steel and blood. "Better off than you, trust. Still got my little friends to help," he lifted the knives. "You cut us loose, and bring Georgina on board, yeah? We can't leave her to die, Kaz. And besides," Emre offered a better incentive, so Kaz wouldn't grumble.

"Might be she knows how to sail a boat? Seems everyone in your old city is reliant on sailing, innit. She'd be stupid to not bother learning, herself. She can get us back to the mainland - she'd be saving herself too." Feroze was as good as dead, if not already. Poor sodding bastard had no idea at the start of his day when he'd found Emre and Kaz at the finance building, that his fate would end here.

Emre pressed his hand on Kaz's chest. He could feel Kaz's heartbeat, a pounding sound that seemed to match the waves around them. Suddenly, rain started to fall. Emre looked up, shook his head. "This fucking place. Just like London, innit."

Another nod. "You take our Georgina to the bridge, I'll go below and...see what's there." Emre was thinking the same as Kaz: what kind of cargo would he find on this pirate ship? Memories flooded Emre's mind: dark cabins in port ships, sea containers full of crying, sweat and perfume, different languages... these ones would have a special tattoo on their wrists.

If they found more 'cargo', what on earth were Kaz and Emre to do with them? Emre shook his head to clear his mind again, like a dog. Questions for later. "I'll be careful, I promise. As long as you're careful too."

As Emre stepped back, he could feel the floor slick, his boots skidding slightly. Whether that was from blood or rain, Emre couldn't tell in the dark. Kaz did this. And Emre had asked him to.

Soon.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: November Wrap-Up.

Hi, y'all! I'm actually shocked that I managed to get through four (4) books this month, because it was NANO and I also WROTE A WHOLE BOOK!! The (written) book in its two notebooks is pictured beneath the pen and NaNo Earrings :)

All of these reads were NaNo-adjacent, somehow (I like to stack my reading with my writing project so all the Vibes are Correct)--either Space, or Haunted, or Fucked Up Fungi (I wrote a weird book this month)(I had a great time).

Photos and/or reviews linked:

A HALF-BUILT GARDEN - ★★★½ I enjoyed this! It was very slow and contemplative, and I was surprised by how long it took me to read (#NaNoProblems), but I'm glad I did, and Rhamnetin was a DELIGHT.

JUST LIKE HOME - ★★★★ Reread for me, holds up very well! Star rating unchanged from first time through. I actually do recommend rereading this one, knowing exactly when Daphne dies.

GRAVEYARD SHIFT - ★★★½ I enjoyed this one too! Short fun weird little insomnia romp. Love a good fucked up fungus and a motley POV crew.

THE NIGHT GUEST - ★★★★ This was DEEPLY fucked up and AMAZINGLY crafted horror/suspense, and I definitely had delayed nightmares about it. I also love a good spec fic in translation (this one's from Icelandic!). Cats are NOT safe, very graphically so, so proceed with caution if that's a warning you need.

Under the Cut: A Note About ~*★Stars★*~

Historically, I have been Very Bad™ about assigning things Star Ratings, because it's so Vibes Heavy for me and therefore Contingent Upon my Whims. (Example: I don't like that stars are Odd, because that makes three the midpoint and things are rarely so truly mid for me)(I have hacked my way around this with a ½). Here is, generally, how I conceptualize stars:

★ - This was Bad. I would actively recommend that you do NOT read this one, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not worth the slog. Save Yourself, It's Too Late For Me. Book goes in the garbage (donate bin).

★★ - This was Not Good. I would not recommend it, but it wasn't a total waste or wash--something in here held my interest/kept my attention/sparked some joy. I will not be rereading this ever. Save Yourself (Or Join Me In Suffering, That Seems Like A Cool Bonding Activity).

★★★ - This was Good/Fine/Okay/Meh. I don't care about this enough to recommend it one way or another. Perfectly serviceable book, held my interest, I probably enjoyed myself (or at least didn't actively loathe the reading). I don't have especially strong feelings. You probably don't need to save yourself from this one--if it sounds like your jam, give it a shot! Just didn't resonate with me particularly powerfully. I probably won't reread this unless I'm after something in particular.

★★★½ - I liked this! I'll probably recommend it if I know it matches someone's vibes or specific requests, but I didn't commit to a star rating on Goodreads. More likely to reread, but not guaranteed.

★★★★ - I really enjoyed this!! I would recommend it (sometimes with caveats about content warnings or such--I tend to like weird fucked up funny shit, and I don't have many hard readerly NO's). Not a perfect book for me by any means, but Very Good. This is something I would reread! Join me!!

★★★★★ - I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS, IT REWIRED MY BRAIN, WILL RECOMMEND TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION (content warning caveats still apply--see 4-star disclaimer). Excellent book, I'll reread it regularly, I'll buy copies for all my friends, I'll try to convince all of Booklr to read it, PLEASE join me!!

[creamecream]

Fionna and Marshall Lee being fwb.

Fionna finds out she’s pregnant after an odd few days of feeling nauseous and tired.

Fionna freaks out, absolutely panics, and is very intent on not telling Marshall because she’s pretty sure he’d bail, just up and disappear.

Gary is the only one she’s actually told (besides Cake) and he also freaks out, offering repeatedly to just kick Marshall over and drag him to her until she gets her dues (child support, etc.) Fionna begs him not to.

Marshall at one point, while he and Fionna are out at a bar together, notices Fionna isn’t drinking and teases her with a “what, you pregnant or something?” Fionna nearly crushes her glass in her hand.

Marshall Lee has noticed something going on with Fionna, but she flips out when he probes even a little, so he hasn’t sat her down to talk about it yet, even though she is clearly trying to avoid him.

Fionna panics even more when it turns out to be twins.

[arsenicflame]

you know youre a little too deep in the brainrot when "would it be fucked up to be straight in the society of Heven" is a genuine thought you have had and seriously debated with yourself

[rawliverandgoronspice]

man, I love A Link Between Worlds... sometimes I remember it, its hyper-competent yet humble design and storytelling proposal, and I genuinely think that makes it among my favorite Zelda games ;;

[neeko-system]

SIGNALIS SPOILERS AND WHATNOT~~

finished my second playthrough of signalis, was going for the artifact ending. then loaded my save and got the memory ending. such a good game aaaa

the memory ending made me cry, it was really heartwrenching when ariane said sorry i dont remember, i just crumpled. watching elster be so exhausted was a lot.

not really sure if i understand the artifact ending. i feel like either its really vague (on top of all the other vagueness) or if im missing something. it kind of feels like a burial of arianes memory? like elster dies and we see ariane thikning about her and elster dancing in the wrecked ship? i’m not sure. maybe someone could give me their interpretation of it?

i also found out that theres a difficulty setting and really wished i had set it to survival before my second playthrough. woulda been nice!!! I do have one more ending so i might play the game again but might also just watch it on youtube and play the game again some other time(gotta let it ruminate so i can go back in with different eyes), I wanna get all the achievements anyways.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

all in all i fucking love this game a lot. very rarely do i replay a game so soon after playing it for the first time. its really tragic i’ll never get to experience this game for the first time again, but, so it goes. its such a beautiful game i will be thinking about it for a longgggggggggggg time. ive been wanting to talk about it so badly for so long but none of my friends have played it yet kyaaa!!! >_<

its crazy to me that the game exists the way it does. the style, the mechanics, the story, the music, everything about it oozes so much passion and care and thought. very few games have made me want to stare at every part of it to figure out how they made it look the way it did (THE GAME IS SO STYLISTICALLY RICH LIKE HOIW DID THEY DO ALL THAT) and the game mechanics are so nice to my brain, everything is so tactile and clicky and inventory management and ammo management and horror stratgey and the flesh and rust and death and love and lesbians and robots and anime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

amazing game thank you rose engine, i hope they make more stuff because i really want to see it

edit:(thinking about the first time i played compared to the second. i was considerably less scared since i had a clue of waht was going on but the fear that i felt playing the first time was special to me. i really like games with stories about ‘time loops’ because the replay-ability is baked in in a cool way. especially with how the game throws information at you, viewing things again having experienced perspective shifts from information is really cool. seeing scenes again re-contextualized makes my brain go ^-^(hots quest ding sound) but going in completely blind and being afraid of everything (i especially remember being scared of the dream beach, i had literally no clue what to expect and it was nice) it all had a different flavor than the second time which is cool because i feel like i experience that kind of emotion change *with* elster. (girlie needs a FUCKING cuddle nap)

the way the game balances reality and the surreal i think is super neat. i love surrealist dream stuff a lot and i think that a video game is a super good medium for that kind of experiential stuff that really inspires me to wanna make video games. especially because then theres also this super nerdy sci fi stuff going on about robots and space regimes and magical tech(my favorite) and planetary systems and military systems and all that good shit. i similarly wanna get nerdy about stuff like military logistics while also telling a story about gay robots and girls that keep missing each other just barely in the space time continuum. i love that the game tells you a lot but also is vague and also says fuck you (affectionate) stop looking for answers and just feel it. it explains just the right amount to not feel esoteric while keeping enough vague to leave a lot up to interpretation/figure it out by playing it again/thinking about it. it plays with themes and reality and reoccuring symbolism and all that good shit that makes stories addicting to think about.) ((also one of the endings requiring beating the game once among other things that keep between playthroughs, yummyyy. games that know they are games/stories/worlds that are aware of themselves., thats good shit right there))

[spotsupstuff]

doin' a fuckshite again ✌, i'll see y'all artistically in five to seven business days this fucking script is so bitchily long. i swear to fuck if its gon be over 8 pages.

anyway Fish is gon be in it <3 fucking Finally he shows off properly

anyway,

[daisyhooves]

just a small dump of stuff for the rain world mgs au because its been on the brain for a bit. the ideas they are in my head.

[daz4i]

i need to stop saying "i would rather die" whenever i don't wanna do smth. like yeah bitch we know. you'd rather do that over literally everything stfu