#actually I love my mom
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It’s just I want to do this right. I don’t want you to feel like an unfinished project like my mother made me out to be. I want you to feel whole, to be loved and wanted without having to starve for it.
#spilled thoughts#poets on tumblr#spilled ink#lit#writing#typography#thoughts#literature#quote#angst#mommy issues#actually I love my mom#this was back in 2023 in the back of my dad’s car and I was being stupid#words#writers and poets
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tbh ryoko kui cooked with this one why is this the funniest image I have ever seen
#i have been looking at it for 2 days at this point#she is SMALL and LONG#the idea of actual cat-sized izutsumi butters my biscuits <- (g/t loving freak)#love the implication that marcille and falin own izutsumi in the modern AU because cat mom marcille is literally so real#she is 1000% a cat person. in the same way i am a cat person i think where i am good with them but annoy the shit out of them.#oh no. am i gonna start meshiposting now.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#daydream hour#marcille donato#izutsumi
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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Welcome to the reverse verse! This is part 1 of 2 of a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and I can't wait to tell you all about it, because I'm incapable of being normal and chill about these concepts, so I ran with it.
Charles Rowland was born in 1900, his mum was from India and moved to the UK after marrying Charles' dad, a soldier who was not... very loving. Charles' heritage gave him some problems, but none as bad as that one time in 1916 when he was sacrificed to a demon and spent the next 7 decades in Hell. He doesn't like to talk about it, except when it can get him what he wants. He was always an angry boy, or so he thought, but after his time spent in Hell, it became so much worse. He's explosive and unpredictable, and so he mostly avoids conflict. He doesn't need to fight anyone, as his charming personality and sweet smile (plus a few smart calculations) always seem to be enough to convince people to give him what he asks for. And when the fight is inevitable... well, he has Edwin for that!
Edwin Payne grew up very sheltered, in a deeply religious home, and he is proud of that. Don't try to argue with him, because he surely has a Bible verse that will help him win (and if not, he is not above using his croquet mallet now that he has someone to keep safe). Unfortunately for him, he realized at a quite young age that he felt attraction towards other boys. Even worse, somehow other people could tell as well, including those peers that ended up killing him for it (the rumour spread throughout school was that he had died due to AIDS, and most people just accepted it). He never acted on those unnatural urges of his, but when he met this ghost who had just escaped Hell... he decided not to risk eternal damnation, and to stay here with Charles, instead. Edwin has no interest in the supernatural or in magic, and sort of looks down on them, but luckily his friend's got that covered.
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#honestly the fact that i was given so much freedom to plan this universe is insane to me i am so thankful#i feel like this version of them is a bit darker#that wasn't intentional but oh well#guess that comes with having a charles who is kind of manipulative#and an edwin who is the annoying kind of catholic#(i am allowed to say that i come from a catholic family... not very catholic mind you my mom didn't actually care)#cw homophobia#can't forget that one#i'll post the next part probably tomorrow or the day after!#that's the crossover so wait for it#just to make it clear yes this edwin is in love with his charles but in denial#and this charles adores his edwin and doesn't think much about it#universal constant etc etc
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this is basically what happened, right?
(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#these two are SO sleazy and i am utterly delighted by them#can't wait to find out their tragic backstory in approximately 3-4 weeks!#fortunately i have like a month to figure out how the heck to draw their hair (spoiler: i will never figure it out)#also. god. i love it whenever leona accidentally reveals his Mom Side.#he doesn't care about any of this but he WILL be tagging along to make sure no one else gets into trouble#once again he has to be the Responsible Adult and he hates it. the whimsical hat weighs heavy upon his head.#anyway this is me so excuse me while i now talk about diasomnia for three hours#but lilia being all 'kids gotta have some adventure in their lives!' is hilarious#specifically because you know silver would NEVER.#100% silver not only never snuck out but he always went to bed on time AND brushed his teeth AND flossed even when nobody made him.#lilia: aww but you should be enjoying your youth! >:c#silver: i am. i enjoy being respectful and disciplined and honoring you as my father.#lilia:#lilia: maybe i'm TOO good at raising kids#you know i was going to say none of his kids would be involved in this but i actually think malleus definitely would#he would not see it as a moral quandry though. he would just be excited to be invited along.#(the only reason he isn't there is because he was busy admiring a termite-infested beam somewhere and yuu didn't get a chance to ask him)#i mean MAYBE if lilia as his single authority figure told him no then he would have some reservations#but lilia's the one who's screaming HELL YEAH LET'S SNEAK OUT AND DEFY AUTHORITY while dabbing so moot point there#sebek would never and he would rat on everyone else. unless malleus is going in which case he's already there.#and i guess if everyone else is going silver probably would too#but he'd. y'know. feel conflicted about it.
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everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent
but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should
#toxic mom#toxic mother#toxicmommy#toxic family#toxic parents#child abuse#narcissistic abuse#parental abuse#mental abuse#emotional abuse#abuse survivor#actually abused#why my family don't love me?#i hate my family#family issues#dysfunctional family#family#dysfunctional household#dysfunctional parents#dad issues#toxic father#father#toxic dad#emotionally unstable mother#emotionally immature parents#narcissistic mother#childhood trauma
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THEY TOOK VOLTRON OFF NETFLIX.
#i binged the whole show in 3 days and sobbed when i finished it#the ending is sad as it is wdym i wont be able to watch it ever without pirating it#you guys are gonna listen to me talk about this show whether you like it or not#jk you can skip all this im just reminiscing#im an og voltron fan and started watching it in 2016 and it consumed my life until 2019#i remember watching season 8 for the first time and it was an experience#me & my friend had a sleepover and bought snacks and ordered pizza and watched season 8 and both cried at the end#rewatching season 8 i tried seeing it from another perspective bc i didnt like it much but after the 1st ep i remembered how awful it was#fav honorable moments tho:#the part when they go to the ship graveyard and the galra beast attacks the warlord and keith. SEASON 5 FINALE MENTIONED#pidge’s connection to the olkari.#WHEN THEY GO TO THE VOLCANO PLANET HELLO NO ARMOR#the vlog episode is so silly + clear day#keith’s beautiful smile in that one scene in the astral plane i will NEVER forget.#the original paladins i sobbed#THE ENDING WHEN ALLURA SORTA DIES HELL NAH HHELLNAH HELL NAH#the ending overall when the lions leave IM IN TATTERS#i would definitely accept lance and allura being together if there was more chemistry and not out of nowhere#also if allura actually showed she loved lance when they got together and if they didnt make lance’s love for her his whole personality#lance and keith getting closer and possibly getting together post s8 >> but thats just my klance showing#i need lance’s mom and krolia plotting to get them together and then realizing axca and veronica got a thing#voltron#voltron fanart#voltron legendary defender#keith kogane#hunk garrett#lance mcclain#pidge holt#breeart#dec. 24
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secret wars secret love you will ALWAYS be famous
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#//draws eriks weird reindeer thing differently to make this pose work// vjELAKVJEALKJV#maybe ill stick to this but i kinda like the 'barricade' vibe of the other option but anyway#mom said its MY turn to reference the famous bridal carry panel#this was supposed to be a quick warm up but as i was lining things my hand started to tremble really bad#i dont know why ??????????????? thats never happened before and my hand's perfectly fine and normal now#like my hands tremble a little from time to time but nothing ever detrimental#the trembling i had today was ACTUALLY crazy bad. had me concerned but i was also able to still draw so not that bad ig#ANYWAYS. yeah <3 i wanted to reference tha panel we all love ......#i draw this mfer carrying his mfer so much i fear i cant be stopped. charles is a princess who needs to be princess carried#i usually draw it like. An Actual Block or whatever but its flatter ... so charles may rest his weary head ...#i did draw charles getting a handful. its what he deserves. its also what i deserve but i cant have that now can i#erik living my dream too tho ..... life is so unfair i wanna carry charles xavier and kiss his head this life SUCKS#slowly being able to feed my cherik fix again we're Semi back. once i finish my work for once THEN we'll be so fuckin back jWRKLJLAKF#ok thats all from me bye bye
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I’m sorry Jon M Chu, what do you MEAN your first idea was to have Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth play Galinda’s parents. WHAT
#Love the the One short day we got#But also. My god that would have been…hilarious? Adorable? Utterly fascinating? What an idea#Love that all involved seem to have woken up everyday and been like “how can we make this movie gayer” good work everyone#Also Galinda with two moms? Is the weird societal pressures of being a gayby how you got the comp het girl it happens#Also momsie and momsicle would be sitting there reading that letter like “so she’s in love with this green roommate of hers right”#Alternatively would they have had one of them in drag to play her father. Equally stellar idea#Wicked#lesbian Galinda upland#dearest darlingest momsie and momsicle#No actually I am totally coming around to this Galinda with two moms thing it might’ve worked#Not sure changing her family background works 100% thematically but I find this idea charming and compelling nonetheless#gelphie
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Nori's birthday gift
#drawing this made me really emotional. i actually started to cry a bit#idk just the thought of uzi building a body for her mom..... just like how (i HEADCANON) nori did makes me ☹️☹️#im gonna kms i love them sm#but ofc uzi wanted to be taller HAHA#i love my gremlin#murder drones#md#md fanart#murder drones fanart#uzi doorman#uzi#md uzi#nori doorman#md nori#my art#fanart
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dishwashing
#mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#HELP#im in the pit#brauh#i love him#gen it makes me so sad because like. ive never seen a game that actually depicts an asian character as like.... asian#most games dont incorporate those features in their art style#but to have a character.... so obviously with monolids and puffy under eyelids and moles just like my mom#kills me#hes so
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i think one of the biggest scams i've seen in my lifetime is the idea that it looks better to have to have all matching mugs, preferably that match your dishes
reblog and tell me about your coffee mug
#i never want to see a dish set come with mugs again#(actually i change my mind i just realized i could give them away as gifts#and my friends would have mugs that match my dishes#but only for fancy dish sets not the soulless ones from walmart)#i trend minimalism and matching aesthetics in real life so i AM the target audience for that kind of thing#and theres honestly nothing i love more than asking my friends about their unique things#and you lose that when you all have soulless matching mugs#my favourite mug is a 20oz thats half glazed and unglazed pottery#reminds me of living in yellowknife with miles and the coffees we made during covid#my previous favourite mug was a gift from my mom#an awesome 20oz mug with a cute downward dog with dog drawing
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oldest to youngest of the brice sisters: valerie, koi, dallas, & rhiannon.
#yall know i love dallas but koi's face is like actually unreal#that's krystle's momma#val is noor's mom#yall know imogen is dallas' baby#and rhiannon is kaila's momma#lykaia#my characters#ts4 gameplay
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messy lighting practice w my second favorite lesbians
hanamusashipping genuinely means the world to me bc their family dynamic reminds me of me n my moms 🫶 n they had a beach wedding so i hc that delia n jessie had a destination wedding in alola (like esp since kiana literally put the wedding party in the exact colors my moms used!?!)
#art#artist#actually autistic#autistic artist#lgbt#lgbt artist#original art#fanart#cloudedhaze#hanamusa#hanamusashipping#pokemon jessie#jessie x delia#pokemon delia#lesbian#lesbians#ill maybe finish this someday but i Just finished a detailed piece so i needed a lil grounding yk?#i love them sm#if it wasnt obvious my first favorite lesbians r my moms
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Pokémon Timeskip Series: Battle Legend Lyra 🍒🍂
One of the two Johto-Kanto champions, Lyra is best known for her bright and cheery down to earth attitude both on and off the battle field! She likes to travel ALOT you can find her in coffee shops in Kalos or surfing the waves in Alola or just about anywhere with her Fiancé, Silver by her side and never turns down a challenge to a good battle (even if she accidentally sweeps the other person’s team whoops) Her favorite drink is boba tea, her birthday is March 4th, she has a crippling gatcha AND otome addiction, and is 165 cm tall but that’s all for text no one is gonna read aaaaaa-
Drew out my timeskip Lyra due to me wanting to update a few things in regards to her design (can’t believe it’s been almost two years since my timeskip designs HELP) but I hope you enjoy!
Twitter Link
#pokemon#Trainer Lyra#Pokemon hgss#Lyra pokemon#Art#Her team is actually inspired by my SacredGold run btw! Hence why she has a Glaceon ha ha#(and she has a Farigiraf and Phanpy as well but I forgot to put them sorry)#pokemon timeskip#hgss#-points at her- they don’t know she’s my favorite (next to dawn)#I love her design so much she’s so hello Kitty ok she’s sooooo strawberry shortcake alright#Minnie mouse looking ass I love her so fucking much#she and silver are married cause I said so#it’s actually vague in my verse if she’s the npc role btw cause she DOES have the hgss mom and Ethan has the GSC mom! Also I’m super biased#Kris is the only one who’s truly a npc lol (lab assistant)#My ethan is a blend of npc Ethan and gold so my Lyra is a bit of Pokemas Lyra but also my own hcs if that makes sense#Also she and Kris are sisters!!! V important!!!! They are hello Kitty and Mimi to me if you compare the two I’ll explode you with my mind!!#gotta upload my art on tumblr but I’m lazy as hell lmfao#anyways uhhhhh#Hanamaru kunikida vibes for her btw…. please listen to Akogare Ranraran for full Lyracore vibes for this image thx#ALSO…. LISTEN TO LOVELY LOVELY STRAWBERRY BY KUBO YURIKA FOR MAXIMUM VIBES OF MY LYRA INTERPRETATION THX#Ok bye lol#Ally draws stuff
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the cast in shitty pride merch
eclipse doesnt get a shirt but he does get a mug
#birdcage scribbles#oh god the tags#here we go#sams#tsams#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#laes#tlaes#the lunar and earth show#lunar and earth show#sams sun#sams moon#sams lunar#sams solar#sams earth#sams eclipse#tsams sun#tsams moon#tsams eclipse#tsams solar#tsams lunar#tsams earth#sams fanart#shitpost#this all started bc i found the ''i love my 2 moms'' shirt and i was like ''inneed to put that on jack''#then it just.. spiraled from there#also fun fact the 'pride demon' one is my phone lock screen lmao#was shocked when it was an actual shirt
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