#actual useful visualizations i might be able to revisit when i need to!

[antspaul]

How to motivate yourself to writing? Do you have any tips? Because I know what I want to write, I have ideas and anything, but I don't know, problem starts when I must open docs and start writing. Maybe because I'm not native English speaker and writing in English is much, much, worse for me, because I need to check translation words what I want to use, and ughhh

I'm not sure I'm the perfect person to answer this ask, honestly. My writing output is nowhere near where it used to be and I'm quite a slow writer. Also I'm not ESL so I'm not sure I have much to offer there.

That being said, since I do struggle with motivation and spent several years tutoring students in writing, here is some general advice (adapted from this ask which asked about how to deal with low creativity/writers block):

talk through the scene/story with a friend (BEST advice i could give, more helpful than everything else on this list combined)

take a break from the computer and write it out by hand, or at least sketch out some of the dialogue

do a little research (INCREDIBLY dangerous if you are me, and are susceptible to the Research Vortex and tend to waste entire nights fixating on say, where the england nt was staying during the september 2003 intl break in manchester - but can be useful if you’re struggling to visualize a scene’s setting or feel otherwise ill prepared to write a scene requiring a degree of specialist knowledge)

write something kind of shitty anyways and then revisit it a bit later with the idea that you can just delete it if you don’t like it. but even a small start can usually help give you an idea of where you want to take a scene/project

For YEARS I published almost NO fic at all because of a mix of exhaustion + no time + unmedicated adhd. Medication helped a LOT but it's not accessible to or needed by everyone. anyways it isn't the only way to help motivate yourself if executive dysfunction in general is a problem.

If you have ideas, want to write them, and are able to actually sit down and open a blank document but the only problem is that you can't make yourself put words on the paper, external sources of motivation might prove useful.

Here are a few tools I've used or recommended to students:

if you're on discord, joining a writing server can be quite useful for motivation, talking through ideas if you're stuck, etc. some of them also have writing sprint bots, where you and other writers can spend periods of time working on your WIPs together. in 2021, my insane year of writing productivity, practically all i wrote happened in a sprint. if you don't know of any writing servers and would like to join one, you can DM me, anon.

not sure the psychology of this one but writing by hand feels totally different than typing! it's really, really useful for me, even if i change a lot of what i've written by hand by the time i transcribe it into a doc.

Write Or Die is a tool I've been using since I was spending most of my time writing essays in school. My brain needs a deadline or I just don't write! It basically asks you to keep adding writing to the page, and if you stop typing for too long, there's some sort of consequence - at its harshest mode, the program will start deleting vowels from your words LOL. i've basically never used that mode, though; mostly i have it set up so that a horrible screeching noise sounds when i stop writing for too long.

there's the two minute method, in which you set a timer for two minutes and commit to a single task only for those two minutes. if by the end of those two minutes, you still are struggling to do it, you can stop! but oftentimes starting is the hardest part.

i hope some of this advice was useful, anon! writing is difficult for even the most prolific writers so don't be too hard on yourself <3

[myreia]

Top 10 Video Games

Thank you for the tag, @thevikingwoman! 💗

I've been thinking about this for a few days. My top 5 has been in place for a few years now, but my top 10 tends to change from year to year depending on new things I've played and how much of an impact they made or games I've revisited and rekindled a love for.

Criteria is pretty personal: games I enjoy because I find their gameplay supports their story and vice versa; games I like because it's doing something cool with the roleplay aspect; games I like purely for the gameplay; games for nostalgia or personal importance; games I think did something interesting with an interactive format to tell a story.

I'm going to exclude interactive fiction or visual novels here for a few personal reasons.

tagging @lilas @greyyourwarden @coldshrugs @galadae @a-shakespearean-in-paris @hylfystt @allaganexarch @sunshinemage @impossible-rat-babies @roguelioness if you want!

10. Heroes of Might and Magic III

I grew up with the HoMM series. It was the first computer game I was old enough to understand; I spent hours exploring maps, building up my towns, getting freaked out when the enemy AI surprised me. Hours in the custom map maker and campaign maker trying to create playable stories. The third installment in the series has so much going for it--colourful world, really beautiful creature design, interesting and challenging campaigns that really made you think about the systems and utilize them in different ways. It's light on story, but the story that is there is interesting if you spend a couple minutes thinking about it.

This series is probably the basis of turn-based combat being my favourite type of gameplay.

The music is also really nice!

09. Persona 3

I feel like a Persona game needs to be on this list, but I wasn't sure which one. My introduction to the series was backwards: I played Persona 5 first, then P4, then P3. I think the thing that always stands out to me about Persona is how much fun the turn-based combat, combined with its sometimes bonkers monster design, the dynamics between the core cast, its in-depth storytelling, and, of course, the music.

There's something about 3's characters and story that always comes back to me. The conversation it opens about death, grief and loss is very raw but also very compassionate. I think it has one of the most thoughtful handling of existentialist and nihilistic viewpoints in gaming. It has the kind of ending that will haunt you after you witness it. You might not think about the game for years but you'll have a day where you remember Persona 3's ending and get pulled right back into thinking on it.

And Mass Destruction is here.

08. Dragon Age (Series)

I can't choose one! I can't!

Dragon Age: Origins was the game that got me into gaming. I hadn't really played anything since HoMM as a kid. The flexibility of its UI and systems to be a kind of cross between an action RPG-style and a CRPG style made it really friendly for getting used to gameplay mechanics I was not used to. The storytelling and characters pulled me right in, and I think DA:O still is one of the best examples of interactive storytelling where the player actually has an impact on the unfolding narrative to date.

Dragon Age 2 continues to fascinate me. There are obvious issues with the gameplay, design, and overall storytelling, but the foundation of what they were trying to execute is really unique. The three-act structure is very theatrical and almost Shakespearean, using Varric as a bookend to narrate the whole experience adds another layer (what is the truth? what is fabricated for entertainment?). Act 2 has some of DA's strongest storytelling and really digs into its dark fantasy roots even as it rushes towards a conclusion that is unavoidable, grotesque, and bitterly unfair. I played this one last so I knew what I was getting into when I played it, so I was able to temper my expectations a fair amount and enjoy it for what it is, rather than what it could have been.

Dragon Age: Inquisition was the second DA game I played and it's the one I have the most hours in. The combat is a lot of fun, it has one of the most versatile CC's to date. The landscapes are beautiful and were a lot of fun to explore on the first few playthroughs. I'm still very fond of the story and the characters.

DA's transition from a more CRPG style and dark fantasy genre to an action RPG style and high fantasy genre is a shift that will probably always fascinate me and I love to talk about it.

If I had to narrow it down: it's DA:O for the overall story, DA2 for the characters, DA:I for the combat and gameplay.

I don't have much to say about the music other than Trevor Morris went off for Trespasser's Lost Elf theme.

07. Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

I'll be honest, I almost put Jedi: Fallen Order here because I wanted to talk about my favourite Star Wars game but it's been a hot minute since I last played it and I think Amalur has been on my favourites list for too long to kick it off.

Kingdoms of Amalur is really good and really bad and it is trashy and I love it.

If you go digging you can find its whole sordid history, but the reasons I'm very fond of it:

whacky, campy art style

colourful worlds

THE COMBAT

The combat in this game is excellent. It is freeform. You can respec at any time. There are three main classes (warrior, rogue, mage) and you can multiclass them whichever way you want. Warrior/Rogue, Mage/Rogue, Warrior/Mage, Warrior/Mage/Rogue... It's so much fun to change it up on the fly. Combat feels smooth, and once it clicks it's really easy to feel like a badass.

This game FINALLY gives mages a cool weapon. No more scepters or staffs, we're going for magic chakrams and I love it. Best weapon in the game, hands-down. Every fantasy game that has come out after 2012 that hasn't given their mage classes chakrams is missing out.

Amalur's a campy power-trip. The worldbuilding is really interesting if you want to take the time to dig into it, but you don't have to. Its MMO roots are there in much of its quest design, which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes a bad thing. YMMV with the main characters (there aren't any companions here, there are a couple of people who regularly pass in and out of your PC's life), but in general everything is just big goofy fun that shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Again, don't have much to say about the music other than Grant Kirkhope did Grant Kirkhope things. The Dalentarth theme has some nice atmospheric stuff happening.

06. Final Fantasy XV

I love Final Fantasy, it's one of my favourite game series/franchises, but I'm only allowing myself one FF game to be on this list and it has to be this one.

FFXV is a weird game. Troubled development history, troubled story, troubled execution. It has a lot of good ideas packed into it that may or may not be done well, kind of confusing worldbuilding, and a kind of confusing story that asks you to do homework in advance (you can watch Kingsglaive and Brotherhood if you want to; I didn't, but I did end up having to read a few wiki articles to make sense of things). However, the final version of the game (Royal/Windows edition) has so much heart and soul and love in it. This is my comfort game, and I find myself returning to its world a lot just to drive around.

I think it helps to reconfigure FFXV from a grand sweeping epic adventure fantasy to a character study. The four boys and the bonds of their very deep friendship are at the heart of everything in this game. And if it does one thing really well, it's that it makes you feel for them and everything they go through and you're going to be a sobbing little puddle on the floor by the end of it.

The ending is sad. I love it, but it makes me cry. About halfway through you get an idea of where this is going and I'm so glad they commit to it because Noctis' story hinges on it.

The world is a lot of fun to drive or ride (chocobos chocobos chocobos) around in. You can fly, but you may get the boys killed because crashlanding it very easy to do. Pitioss Ruins is a thing that exists and it breaks my brain. The combat is a lot of fun once you get used to it (the secret is to press and hold the buttons, button mashing doesn't get you very far).

It also has one of my favourite FF villains. Ardyn is delightful. The level of spite emanating off this man is just a wonder to behold.

Oh, and the music is really, really good. This is probably my favourite FF soundtrack.

05. Nier: Automata

Um. Hm.

I don't know how to explain this game.

It's uh...

I don't know how to put it other than the utilization of game mechanics and UI within its story structure blew my mind. This game has an ending I still think about because I can't untangle it. Your first 15 hours is going to feel like a pretty standard scif/fantasy JRPG. Then you're going to hit what feels like the end of the story, except it's not, be asked to do something and then you're going to make faces and throw your hands in the air and ask WHY is the game asking me to do this again.

You're going to get through that next 15 hours, hit another point that feels like it should be the end of the story--

And then.

And then.

I don't know how to say that the silly android vs robots game where you can blow 2B up to see her butt (yes that's a thing, ignore it) is one of the weirdest but most compelling gameplay experiences I have ever had. It's weird. But it works. But it's weird. But it works.

Also the gameplay is really fun but it's sheer chaos because it changes what it wants to do every 5 minutes because it gets bored. You go from bullet hell shooter to hack-n-slash action with combos, to hacking into a robot and running around in a pixel world dodging balls.

The balls are endless.

The balls are everywhere.

We become as gods balls.

Have I mentioned that the music is really good.

04. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

This is another comfort game. There's something about BOTW's world that is just so relaxing. I love exploring every nook and cranny, cresting the hill to see what's on the other side. I am content to ignore the main quest just to see if I can scale a mountain in the rain (no) or terrorizing an enemy camp by launching a burning tree trunk into the middle of their campfire.

I feel like all the systems work together cohesively, building off each other in a way that lets the player flex their imagination, test things, and see what happens.

I remember the score getting some flak because it didn't have the bombastic and catchy themes that previous Zelda games have, but the scaled back and atmospheric tone really works for the game. BOTW is a gently horrifying post-apocalyptic world. The moments when you do need strong themes, the score delivers in spades.

03. Horizon: Zero Dawn

I love this game so much.

Aloy is such a joy to play as. Her characterization is set in stone, but when you do have diverging dialogue options, everything feels like something she would say so it's really easy to roleplay her. She does talk a fair amount as she roams around the world, but Ashly Burch's voice acting is really lovely to listen to.

HZD has one of my favourite post-apocalyptic worlds. The worldbuilding is in-depth, the developers have thought everything through in how these societies came to be and now function. The combat system is so much fun; early techniques provide a foundation for later ones, and you have options in how you want to tackle various enemies or problems. There's a lot of flexibility in how to go about things, so one person's playstyle may be completely different for someone else.

The animations and sound designs for Aloy's assorted bows are so satisfying.

This is another game where I love wandering around the world so much I usually forgo fast travel because I love the journey, even if it takes me longer.

Not much to say about the music other than the themes for Meridian are very nice.

02. Hades

Hades is probably the most polished game I have ever played. It is virtually bug-free. The gameplay compliments the story and the story compliments the gameplay in such a way that you cannot separate them. It feels like every choice behind this game's design was done with purpose and precision.

The art style is gorgeous. The music is off the charts - sometimes you can't tell what came first, the level design or the music, they're so in-sync with each other.

The characters are delightful. Everyone has understandable motivations and desires; everyone is ridiculously likeable, particularly Zagreus himself.

It's so easy to fall into the pattern of "just one more run" because you want to stay in this world a little longer, you want to push yourself further, you want to challenge yourself again. And even when you don't complete a run, losing or messing up doesn't feel like a punishment because you have all your favourite characters waiting for you back at home with another opportunity to talk to them.

01. Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I don't know where to start because I love this game so much. Turn-based combat with an in-depth levelling system and a diverging storyline so there are actually FOUR separate stories in one? Catnip to me.

The combat system is exactly the kind of turn-based combat that I can get addicted to; I love the risk/reward, the chance of failure, yelling at the AI for getting the better of me because I put a unit in a risky spot and now they're permanently dead and I can't rewind time.

Each of the stories can stand on their own and give really different perspectives on unfolding events. How you view one character on one route will be completely different when you see them on their own and get a chance to get to know them.

The cast of characters is very large, but everyone has their place and everyone has their own journey and arc to go on. The character interactions are delightful. Because of the house and recruitment system, it is really interesting to see characters you recruited out of their houses and into yours and how they change when the story diverges and puts them down a different path--especially if that path puts them in direct conflict with a former friend.

The English dub for this game is out of this world, it is one of the best ENG dubs I've heard in years. The music has some absolute bangers for combat music, especially in the endgame. Shout out to my favourite, Chasing Daybreak and also Funeral of Flowers because it's underrated.

[ghostzzy]

hey guys look! im actually feeling good right now!

[versegm]

Hi ! It’s been a while seeing your fate posts wanting to get into it - but with that last post about fate series levels…! Do you like… recommend getting into it ? And with a particular series ? Or is it the kind of media where you’re like i adore it but i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

I wholeheartedly recommend the Fate serie. It is, and I mean this completely unironically, one of the best series I have been given to eat in years.

Usually when I make headcanon or meta posts about a given serie, there is a large amount of wishful thinking and self indulgence involved. I don't think Ariosto intended to write Orlando Furioso as a story about Angelica desperately trying to escape the narrative, but it is a lot more entertaining for me to read it this way. I am well aware that digimon is a children's cartoon and a lovecraftian horror story about the inherent corrupting power of light, it's just more suited to my tastes too imagine stories that involve that.

That's not the case with Fate. I am still very often self-indulgent and horny on main, but generally speaking when I say shit like "the protagonist of Fate/Grand Order is a normal person gradually becoming insane the further the plot goes" or "people die when they are killed means that if you refuse to let someone die when their time comes you are denying them the simple right to be a person" that is. Very textually what happens. The Fate serie allows itself to go all out on bonkers and/or horrifying concepts and themes, which is doubly refreshing in a world where media are slowly being made blander by corporations who don't want to alienate their audience and lose money.

That being said, it is a serie that has been going on for a very long time, so the writers like to reference their old works, make use of concepts they've foreshadowed 16 years ago in an obscure visual novel that never got translated, make full aus of their own stories, ect ect. So the joke of this post is that there are some Fate works you can jump in with 0 knowledge of Fate and you'll be mostly fine save for maybe a couple cameos you won't recognize, while some others will be fucking incomprehensible if you haven't eaten the full wikipedia page beforehand.

If you follow Lance's post, you can probably pick any work from level 0 to 5 and try to work you way out from here.

If you want my personal input, my entry point was Fate/Grand Order, and while I could make a whole post on its strenghts and weaknesses if you need one the important part is that it did a well enough job having a compelling story on its own while explaining the worldbuilding basics to me.

Fate/Stay Night (the visual novel) is the first title of the Fate serie, so it's a good entry point as well, but it is fucking long and frankly the first route has aged a bit so that's up to you. If you want something easier to digest to see what's Fate about and if it'll be up your alley, you can always check out the Unlimited Blades Work anime (which is an anime adaptation of one of the routes of the vn) or the Fate/Zero anime (which is a prequel.) I also know a guy who got in through the Fate/Apocrypha anime, so if you like Mordred specifically it might be your thing idk.

Honestly don't sweat it too much, Fate is very much a serie where you will revisit works you've already eaten and go "oh THAT'S who that bitch from episode 5 came from and that's why they made it into a big deal at the time" once you've got a bit more context. It's worth asking your friends if any of them are already into Fate so they might be able to give you insight on how blorbo #34 actually has SUCH a compelling backstory in an earlier work, but if you don't that's fine just go with the flow.

Oh yeah fair warning tho that Fate sometimes features some Anime Bullshit (that's a polite way to say "lolis") so if that's a dealbreaker for you be aware of it.

[redspiderling]

MCU Breakdown: Black Widow, Part 1

I can’t believe this is happening 😭

First of all, congratulations to all of you who’ve been here all these years. We got it. We begged for years, and it’s finally here.

For once I wasn't dreading revisiting this film to write down what I got from it. I felt more like I might not do it justice. This film is so special to me, but here it is, the MCU Breakdown of Black Widow, part 1 (of who knows how many).

I remember back when I started running this blog and talking about a hypothetical Black Widow movie that had never been announced, always "yeah, we would be happy to do it, maybe, someday in the future", and arguing that it would be important for women and girls, no matter its content. I'm so glad we got it like this. So, so glad.

The rest under the cut.

Let's start with some technical details. The film has a lot of setups and callbacks, nothing is done in chance. For example, I love how the light, and the sounds we hear when we first, and last, see Natasha in the film, are the same. We greet her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family

and we leave her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family (I'm using the term family very liberally here in reference to the Avengers for the sake of the movie, bear with me, you know how I feel about those dudes).

It's signifying new beginnings, each time, not endings. Notice how, what we see is natural light, which makes this scene pop out, and look more real because the light is coming from the sun, and isn’t artificially made on VFX software. You will notice the stark differences in colours and lighting when the emotions and the atmosphere change in this film, because there is a visual language being employed here, the director has a story to say, and she uses all the tools she has to tell it. The light is exactly the same in those 2 scenes, because Cate wants us to make that connection, even if we make it unconsciously.

Natasha is placed in such a positive way, both at the start and the end of the film. There's this discussion about how "real" their little family was, but it was the characters that muddled up that image. The reality of their lives in Ohio is presented in a happy way, that had deep rivers under the surface, for sure. This wasn't accidental, for a lot of reasons.

First of all, if you take it the literal way, they were spies, and had to present themselves as normal. If you take it the allegorical way, any girl could fall victim to trafficking, and if you take it the character way, both Scarlett and Cate wanted to showcase that Natasha is human. They also wanted to give her something that wasn't always dripping with pain and sadness. They were both parts of her life, yes, but there was also joy, and light, and once upon a time she had been a kid, playing with her sister.

Also, and this has been mentioned before but it bears repeating: I love the actress they chose for young Natasha, and I love how they presented her character. She's allowed to be a young teenage girl. She's not sexualised. She's at that gangly stage between childhood and adulthood, and there's nothing sexual about it, no provocative clothing, no excessive makeup. She's a kid.

Plus, I know Cate said the actress already had her hair dyed blue and they just decided to let her have it, but I think it works well for Natasha's character. That small act of defiance, even that early on, against the system that wanted to break her. Also, the film gives us such great character moments, because they let the camera roll and don't rush through scenes, look at Natasha looking at Melina comforting Yelena. We can see the pain, the fear, where she knows that this isn't going to last, and wonders about what will become of them once their lives begin to unravel.

We also get to see the joy on her face, the wonder of discovering the world, how often do you get to see Marvel characters do this, just live in the moment?

Bioluminescence: the production and emission of light by a living organism. Or how Natasha is a bright light, that shines from within. Not my words, Cate Shortland's words. I felt it when I was watching this scene, but it was lovely to have it verified in one of her interviews. I wish I could meet her, and tell her that everything she wanted to put on screen came through, incandescent and crystal clear. Fireflies are a symbol for Natasha, as a bright light that shines from within, and never dies.

Small details that I love, the magnet on the fridge: Don't forget, above a picture of Natasha. LIKE WE EVER COULD, CATE.

We have another setup here, where the family gathers up to have dinner together. Even the sitting arrangement is the same as later on in the film.

Notice also how both young, and adult version of Natasha, communicate so well with Melina, just with their eyes. It doesn't necessary show a deep history between them, but it does show a bone deep level of understanding. Not just of their current circumstance, but of their future, and of what it will do to them. Melina knows what's coming and she's says it "I'm sorry", but they're both resigned to their fate, Melina because she doesn't see a way out, and Natasha because, well, here she's a kid, and therefore is powerless.

The dynamics between Yelena and Alexei is so different. Yelena is young and doesn't understand, so they're speaking about completely different things. "I don't have my shoes" is what she says, and it's heartbreaking in its innocence, as Alexei is loading his gun and reading himself for battle. We can still see that he's not indifferent to her, telling her she can have "fruit loops in the car". He's not a monster, he just doesn't have a choice (or at least, he thinks he doesn't).

Also, notice how the camera angles are employed here: Natasha and Melina look each other eye to eye, Yelena looks up to Alexei, Alexei looks down on her, there is an imbalance of power and understanding in the second set of images, and the camera tells us that.

Melina doesn't let Natasha take the photo album. For one thing, it's certain that Natasha wouldn't be able to keep it. For another, Melina wanted the memories, and probably didn't want anyone else to realise/think that they cared about their little family unit.

There's just a lot of thought that's been put in the details of the script, to show us their bond, their attempts to hide it, to show the characters' personality in everything around them (notice the plants that are ever present in Melina's home, in Ohio and later in Saint Petersburg). She might seem cold, she has been through a lot, but she cares. And that care has brought her pain. And we have to see that pain, because we get the quiet moments like this one, where she stands alone in an empty home knowing that part of her life is over, never to return.

The mission, is the last thing Melina asks about. The last thing Alexei mentions, the last thing either of them cares about. First, she refused to accept that they had completed the mission and were now hunted, then she accepted it and they loaded their family in the car, and then she asked about the leaked files.

Also, notice how that shot is framed. Both images silhouetted by the light because it’s the moment and the prop smack down in the middle of the frame that’s important, now what they’re going through, emotionally, they’re not themselves in that moment, they’re nameless, tools of the trade, expendable in front of that tiny floppy disk.

Yelena is singing while the rest are plunging in despair, but still humour her and play her song.

I found this shot a bit... Jarring. I get it that for American audiences this would show that they're actually leaving "home" behind, but for the rest of us... Eeeh, I'll give it a pass because it is an American production and this is just something to be expected. I mean, Yelena's song was American Pie. We get it, you still love America, just because you're making a film about Russian spies doesn't mean you're a commie Marvel, it's ok.

But in any case, the setup for the action scene here was excellent. Happy, familiar music playing, car is on the main road, car goes off the main road familiar music gets toned down and eventually completely lost in the darkness.

Yelena knows what to do, we see it, so that we know that this 6 year old girl who holds her stuffed animal and walks barefoot has practiced for this moment.

By the way, Natasha did take another item with her along with the photobooth pictures (it also looks like a photo album with Disney princesses on it), it didn't survive the trip. We are informed of this for a very specific reason: Melina didn’t ask Natasha not to take the photo album out of malice, or just because she wanted to keep it for herself. She knew it wouldn’t survive the trip in Natasha’s hands. We also get a close shot of the image strip (and we get it again, during the credits), because it will be important, later on.

Bet y'all also forgot you were watching a superhero movie until this happened? That wasn't accidental, they wanted us to see them as normal people, this is the moment when that ends.

Natasha saved her family, even though she was a terrified kid.

I know that they did the huge titles thing to connect this film to Civil War but... Listen, Civil War needed the huge titles because that script and the way that movie was directed was a complete disaster. We needed to know where the characters were each time with huge ass title because there was NO OTHER WAY TO TELL. Between complete lack of a timeline, and the fact that you couldn't even tell what time of the day it was due to the horrible lighting, you definitely couldn't tell what the location was because it was irrelevant to the plot like, 90% of the time. Not to mention the title cards in Civil War were usually followed by dimly lit grey corridors so, yeah, give us a title so we know at least where they are, generally.

This film. Didn't Need That. For the most part anyway, there are 2 locations where the titles worked. First one was Ohio, the other I'll reveal later.

But here. Guys, they're Russian spies escaping from the US on a small plane... Where else would they go if not to Cuba?!?! This is the Black Widow movie paying for the sins of Civil War, in a small way in this instance.

Yelena tells Melina that pain only makes you stronger, Natasha cries, and they setup my heartbreak for later.

Natasha protecting Yelena, terrified, and staring men down the barrel of her gun anyway. Such a badass and heartbreaking callback.

Notice how this scene makes us look at how men view this. There's an allegory here as well, but I'll address what's actually happening in the film:

Dreykov notices Natasha's natural instinct to protect herself and her sister, and all he sees is something he can use. A tool for violence, instead of sex, in this case. But the implication is there. Not a person, or a terrified girl, just an object to be used by men.

So glad that piece of shit got blown up and never mentioned again. Any man looking for exposition on Dreykov to feel the "loss" when the villain is gone: Fuck you. Go get some therapy.

Moving on from that piece of shit, difference between Melina and Alexei: Melina apologised. Alexei lied, but he also tried to give them hope. We can see the devastation, because the soldiers never thought of them as girls like he did, and didn't blink before drugging them and taking them away.

Yet another setup, of Natasha and Yelena, drugged and powerless as they are taken away. Because it wasn't enough that they were kids, they took away all their choices, and rendered them unconscious.

What can I possibly say about this credits scene.

It's very real, probably the realest minutes in the entire MCU, and it's merciless. They don't try to sugar-coat what's happening, and there are no jokes to diffuse the drama. These are girls being trafficked from all over the world. I don't know about you but I felt the switch from true parallel to real life traffic victims like this shot that looks like footage from Interpol

to Red Room victims as being a clear shift, and I was actually grateful for it. Because here I could put my back against the fact that the red room wasn't real, otherwise I would have broken down before the credit sequence even ended.

It was a stroke of genius to create an introduction to this entire world like that. We rarely see credit sequences anymore and it's a shame, because when they're well done they tell stories in and of themselves, and this is one of the best I've seen.

Even the villain is set up here. He's pointing at girls and saying "that one, and her", like he's picking pigs for slaughter. How much more setup than that do you need, to want to murder that man dead? Not any more, that was enough.

Nobody speak to me I’m crying.

Subtle, but there. Trafficking (and traffickers) exists because it IS being tolerated by governments around the world.

Unnecessary title aside, who else says Natasha looks at herself in the mirror hear and repeats "pain only makes you stronger", as she's being hunted away from yet another family.

Then she's saying it again because it bears repeating and Natasha has been through A Lot these past few years. I love how unfiltered our first image of her is. After all she's been through, we basically see her stripped of all her tricks in a moment where she’s alone with herself and her thoughts(something we later learn she tries not to do much), and she's just a woman having a tiny breakdown in a semi-public bathroom. Again, human.

This is where I will leave you for this first part. Hey, I got through the intro, I count that as a win given just how long this breakdown has already been. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, come yell at me in my inbox whenever, see you for the next one xo

[etheriadearie]

What if it's Adora's... and Catra's- Dream?

::It's been eight months since The Kiss and Catradora becoming canon in one of the most breathtakingly romantic and beautiful endings of all time. Now that we've all throughly gotten to enjoy that, I'd like to take some time to explore how Adora's dream might tie into everything having to do with its ending, as well as the entire romantic arc of SPOP.

This post centers on Adora's dream, with the goal of exploring the dream as a part of the Catradora romance. Really, truely, as part of their romance. Pardon my vagueness, because it is out of kindness: if you haven't finished the series, THIS IS A SPOILER WARNING. 🚨🚨🚨 ... If you don't like spoilers, now is the time to scroll on by, Horde soldier // Rebellion fighter!! (and please, return when you do- <3)

If you have finished the show, please consider joining me below, as i'd love to hear your opinion on the following theory...

💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙❤️🧡❤️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙💚💛🧡❤️💜💙❤️

Hey Adora ~❤️

Are you still with me?

Good, then let's get this started-

It is highly probable that Adora’s 'dream' is a canon romantic moment for each of them, which not only Adora experiences, but so does Catra.

The dream is, instead, a spontaneous reaction of Etheria’s deep magic and their love, in particular because Catra is with Adora as she tries to save Adora through her love for her. They both share in the creating of the dream, but it's meaning is that of Catra showing her love to Adora: they are connected within the dream by way of this Etherian magic, which they have shared in before.

I say this because what we’re actually seeing is a simulation, much like the ones that Catra and Adora shared together during Promise: these simulations are based on memories and on emotions: it is Catra’s emotions which are being channeled as Etheria creates the dream for them.

We will indeed discuss the arc of their love in this post, but, this theory is based on the use of a oft neglected, but powerful, mode of storytelling:: Known as ‘visual cues’ this method of storytelling is employed by Noelle and Friends as the way to tell us the deeper meanings behind the dream sequence. And the use of these cues tells us that this is intended to be seen as a shared romantic moment for both girls, showing their love for one another.

I know, this might seem like a lot to process, after all, isn't what we see during the dream supposedly Adora’s subconscious response to Mara’s words of wisdom about love, when she asked Adora what she wants, and tells her to not give up?

And how would it even be possible for Catra to be in the simulation with Adora? To the former, Adora still had no answer to Mara’s question, like she didn't when Catra asked her what she wanted the night before. And in the dream, we watch as Adora spends almost all of it denying what she's seeing, believing she has failed her duty to save everyone as She-ra. Considering Adora’s resistance to the dream, does it make sense for the dream to be self actualized by Adora, or is what she sees originating from somewhere else, and if so, how?

As to whether Catra can be there with Adora, the answer is a resounding yes: and that's because we already know that Catra is in the dream with Adora, for part of the time. How we know this is that after Horde Prime traps Adora, Catra intervenes to save Adora and they interact: Catra reaches down to try and save Adora, ending famously with her beautiful love confession, which helps Adora find the strength to reach out to take her hand.

That we see Catra do this, and that she does it so purposefully, tells us that this is something that actually happens between the two of them:: Catra must have seen Horde Prime trap Adora, and Adora can see and hear Catra in her mind as she calls for her- Adora really does reach up to take Catra’s hand, and as she takes it, is pulled from the edge of death. It's not a metaphor at all, even though we know Catra is holding Adora's body in the real.

And so, if Catra was with Adora then, why not before, too?

To put it simply, all of the visions that Adora has, including her meeting Mara before the dream, is Etheria’s deep magic trying to help her, and so it helps to bridge the gap that's needed for Catra to share her love with Adora. After all, Etheria "is a living creature" (s5ep8) and Catra, actually, has a strong connection to Etheria’s magic, and to magic in general (we will revisit this later).

All that happens is tied together, which we'll talk about below: what Adora sees in the dream is the true beginning of Catra’s love confession, because Catra is coming through for Adora as her best self to save her, much like Adora did for Catra during Save the Cat.

::And that's where our visual cues come in, because as it turns out, the Dream and Save the Cat are related: they are related in storytelling and in emotion, but most importantly:: they are related visually.

This post will cover these similarities starting below. We’ll also take a look at two separate and distinct visual cues having to do with how Catra acts in the Dream to further the discussion, and lastly we'll cover how, in fact, all of Save the Cat and Heart Part 2 are related, starting well before the dream, continuing right through it, and afterwards as well.

But, to get this started, let's take a look at visual cue #1: when Catra offers her hand to Adora in her dream.

::During the dream, Adora has such disbelief when she finds herself in it, and she keeps this disbelief right up until the critical moment: when Catra turns to her and offers her hand to Adora, lovingly asking her if she's ready to go. That, is the moment when we finally see Adora give herself over to the idea of their love, she suspends her disbelief… only to have the moment so cruelly ripped away by Horde Prime...

As it so turns out, this sequence of events has happened before, almost exactly down to the frame by frame:: it happened during Save the Cat, when Adora offered her hand to Catra. These moments are visually similar, emotionally parallel, and story parallel as well. Here are the two scenes, and while you look at them, consider how the girls are arranged compositionally with each other:

What we have here is visual parallels, many more of which we'll discuss later. But, it goes deeper than that:: because on closer consideration, we see that the girls are arranged ‘mirror’ to each other. For example:

::In Save the Cat, Adora offers her hand to Catra from the left, and in the dream Catra offers her hand to Adora from the right-

::When Prime electrocutes Catra after she reaches for Adora’s hand, she falls downward on the right; when Adora is trapped by Prime, she sinks downward on the left, with her tears showing the direction of her descent (note, Catra’s tears were not depicted, but she is crying as Prime shocks her). This mirroring is shown repeatedly throughout the two episodes, and not just during the dream itself.

So why are these moments mirrored?

That's what this theory aims to prove, with all the muster that it can:: this mirroring is a purposeful artistic collaboration between the art and writing teams, letting us know by way of it, that we're suppose to understand how these scenes are parallel: with the meaning of this being that one girl is mirroring the other’s actions in order to save them.

Therefore, in theory:: what we're seeing during the dream is Catra mirroring the heroic love Adora shows for Catra during Save the Cat, and all of what we see in the dream is actually Catra showing her true love, is the true beginning of her love confession, and is done to save Adora. As for the other deeper, more involved reason, it is that Adora and Catra are actually parallel characters throughout the series, who vary by circumstance, but are struggling with much the same issues. (a discussion for another time, however)

For instance:: consider how similar the virus that Adora is fighting during her time in the Heart chamber is to the mind control that Catra fought in Save the Cat:: Prime is using the virus to control Adora, and she ultimately is able to reject Prime's control because of Catra’s actions- much like Catra did, after Adora showed up in Save the Cat to restore their love, telling Catra to fight Prime’s control, so that they can be home together again.

And here's the thing: if the artists and writers go to such lengths to make these scenes parallel… even moreso, the characters are mirrored, doesn't the meaning of it therefore demand that Catra be with Adora during her dream, to help her fight free of Prime’s control by showing her love to Adora, just like Adora did for Catra during Save the Cat?

Now really, what confirms this theory is the entire arc of the show, which, *puffs up cheeks* is a bit too much to cover here, so I'll save us some time and stick to a couple of themes instead. One of these will be the Catradora love arc, as it is integral to the next visual cues.

And these cues are that Catra’s truest love is shown during Adora’s dream, something which we don't see Catra do before this moment. So, sit tight for a bit, because this'll take some explaining-

Visual cues #2 and #3: Catra’s most earnest love is shown in the dream, and it's both what Adora needs to survive, and is fundamental to Catra’s redemption-

Redemption arcs are popular for a reason, and because the next cues relate so strongly to Catra's redemption, I'll be talking about how Catra’s redemption is fully realized by the honest and earnest love she shows for Adora, inside the dream as well as right before it.

In order for Catra to complete her redemption, or since that's cliche, ::for Catra to realize her best self:: she has to accept her truth as the absolute total romantic that she is, who through the braveness of her confession of love, is the one who helps their dreams come true, and brings Catradora into canon.

This is because, in all seriousness, Catra is and always has been a romantic, she's just blocked by her own traumatic experiences (plz consult Princess Prom if confused about how Catra is a romantic, 😼😹). And, she's always known she was in love with Adora- who, unlike Catra, never quite realizes her full feelings until Catra’s confession. And Catra needs to redeem herself by showing this love, because she chose to deny her love to Adora, as well as to herself, at the end of Promise after seeing how very little love and understanding Adora had to give to her in season 1. This next set of visual cues is all about how we see Catra’s feelings and actions change to reflect her true feelings of love, and that through accepting her own love for Adora, is able to help Adora to succeed in her final task.

::As Adora faces down her final challenge of disabling the Heart, Catra makes what could best be described as a decision of ‘radical love’: that she's willing to give everything she has- to help, love, and support Adora. We first see Catra’s decision to show such love right before the dream when she swears to stay by Adora’s side, and she then fully completes this love during the dream when we see Catra show her precious love for Adora.

In the dream, the Catra we see is much more tender, vulnerable, and intimate, than we’ve ever seen her be at any other time previous to this point in the series… her love is even more earnest than during their earliest memories as children. That's because we’re seeing a completely novel and honest expression of Catra's love, one which Catra hasn't been willing to show before this. Catra really needs to show her full feelings to redeem herself, not just a last second love confession. What we're seeing during the dream is her truest feelings, without her own self doubt or fears of vulnerability blocking her.

And this new love we see is part of the decision which Catra makes, right before the dream, swearing that she will stay with Adora no matter what, letting Adora know she has her full love and support as Adora faces her final task. This decision is the other half of the visual cue #2, and here’s the two moments together::

Is Catra ending up positioned so similarly just coincidence, or does it have deeper meaning as well? A couple things for consideration:

Firstly: Adora probably doesn't notice this shift in Catra’s behavior, especially before the dream, as Adora is completely focused on her burden of saving-the-entire-universe-along-with-every-last-person-in-it, which is rather a lot to expect one girl to do... even if she is She-ra. Also note: Adora is a romantically oblivious person, so there's that, too. And since she's so preoccupied by mortal peril, it really doesn't make sense for the sweet and loving Catra we see in the dream to originate from Adora’s subconscious, as Catra has never shown Adora this tender, loving version of herself: and so, it makes more sense that the magic of the simulation would be drawing from somewhere else entirely: it draws on Catra’s own feelings of love.

I know, these scenes vary in mood significantly, but the difference we're seeing in the dream is actually a heightened version of the love Catra shows before it, one where Catra is not only showing Adora that she values and supports her, but that Catra quite literally feels precious love for Adora. Catra clings to her, letting her know that she is treasured above all else, which is really, really REALLY sweet, and also really really not in line with how Catra has acted up to this point in the series...

Catra loves Adora, this is central to her arc, even during the times when she's aligned so strongly against her. Her story is about learning to accept her love, and she's reestablishing her love for Adora during these scenes... this is the total truth of her love and affection, that is.

She’s already established that she's willing to risk herself to protect Adora, such as when she tackles Melog on Krytis. But, Catra protecting Adora from harm physically isn't enough to fully redeem herself: she's also got to show the romantic love she feels which she denied to Adora so long ago. This love she feels is something that Adora continuously teases Catra over, constantly ruining the moment by misinterpreting Catra’s feelings simply as attraction, never fully realizing or acting on the romantic implications. This happened as recently as when Catra jumped into the fire to save Adora... Adora is a romantic idiot. (don't you worry, I say this with fondness) This is part of Catra's test: even though Adora never gives her a sign that she feels romantic love as well, Catra has to show her love because that's what it has always been about for her. Loving Adora properly means Catra has to accept Adora as she is, and not let her own romantic frustration block her. It's also simply the right thing to do, as they are out of time, and could all die if Adora fails... Adora's story, on the other hand, has been about becoming the hero, and Catra has to accept that yes, in total reality, Adora simply has never considered what she wants because of her burdens.

As Adora faces her final task and is feeling crushed by the weight of her burdens and fears of failure, Catra has to show this love to counter Adora’s own obliviousness and internalized emotional barriers, as Catra realizes how Adora really doesn't "get it" right up until Catra’s love confession. Adora is not seeing what she has to live for, and Catra's fully accepting Adora as who she is helps Catra to see how she can help Adora, because Adora's romantic awkwardness is really more about her emotional trauma than her love for Catra- Adora loves Catra, that much is clear. But is it romantic love? Catra takes a risk and shows her true feelings, because she knows Adora is struggling, and they are out of time... so no matter what, Catra has to show her romantic love to Adora, and luckily she's able to do so during the dream (because of the help of Etheria's magic).

We also need to talk about how Catra stands with Adora: in both moments she chooses to stand behind Adora. Catra is showing her true support to Adora, and her most honest feelings of love- something I discussed in my Promise discussion is how Catra never wanted power for herself, she just wanted to be safe, and to be with Adora. Here we have Catra, definitively showing after all this time that she doesn't want power, she just wants to love Adora.

The Catra we see in seasons 1-4 rejected Adora as She-ra, seeing her as two faced for ignoring and then abandoning her to continued abuse while fighting for others, breaking her final promise as she did. This was a trauma decision, but Catra is done letting trauma control her life. So here we see Catra choose to support and love Adora no matter what, like she always wanted to do, and she's even choosing to support Adora as the hero. This is further demonstrated as true during the dream, as Catra (albeit jokingly) asks Adora to save her from a determined Glimmer.

All in all, the Catra we see in the dream is very unlike anything we’ve seen before, she's outwardly in love, feelings which Adora herself feels but struggles to understand. And that Catra ends up positioned so similarity is a cue that Catra is allowing her true love to be shown during the dream. It's exactly what Adora needs to feel coming from Catra, as years of being abused and new hardships have convinced Adora that sacrifice is the only thing that makes her worthy of love- Mara tells her “You're worth more than what you can give to other people, you deserve love, too”. Sadly, when you watch this scene you see that Adora has a hard time accepting Mara's words, she shys away from them instead.

Catra’s choosing to stay with Adora, and then show her most earnest love inside the dream, helps Adora to see how she deserves to be loved: as the person she is, and not only as a hero. Catra is the only person who loved Adora before she was She-ra, and her love for her has never been about her being a hero, like Adora was told she had to be by Shadow Weaver.

That was something done out of malicious intent, as Shadow Weaver did it to control Adora and to prepare her as her sacrifice. Young Catra was there when it happened to Adora, and always knew that it was done out of some dark intent (hence her frustration during the battle of Thaymore- “Duhhh did yah just figure that out??”). Catra constantly shows that she is wise to manipulations.

... And Adora is still stuck on this trauma: the love that Catra shows Adora helps her see past her own hurt.

::Ok. I say this next part with all the sincerity I can: expecting Catra to carry the entire burden of their romance all on her own is rather a lot to expect her to be able to do. And yet… she does it. She's the one who confesses her love, she's the one who kisses Adora, and in the dream, she shows Adora that she's in love with her. This is because Catra is a person who understands what she wants. She chooses to have faith that their love is real, and so she shows her heart to Adora. How does Catra trust enough in love, considering her past mistakes, and all trauma that she's been through?

People mostly think that Catra post season 5 would be a person who is still in a state of hurting from her past, that she constantly struggles with self hatred and doubts. But, ask yourself: is that how Catra is portrayed, or do we see a person who has faced her trauma so that she can live free of it?

That Catra would be able to do this so totally is what I think throws so many people about Catra. After all, most people who have trauma struggle with it continuously, so why wouldn't Catra struggle like this too… people have a hard time accepting that she is able to change her behavior so much for the better. But, don't let that stop you from seeing her as she is presented to be, there's powerful reasons why Catra is like she is, Noelle wouldn't take a shortcut in this. The reasons are there... it's just… complicated.

Probably too complicated to cover here, but I'll try to summarize a theme here: Catra is a survivor. That's what her attitude is, and her arc. She's survived ever since that day when Shadow Weaver threatened to kill her as only a small child, and she’s survived many other near deaths and hardships getting to this point. And because of that, she's found what she really wants to live for, and she's become too strong against others hurting her to let them control her. This strength includes against her own bias of self judgement over her past actions, because she understands how her actions were the product of manipulative abuses by others who wanted to control her. She knows trauma, in fact she's somewhat blessed in this ability (see this meta). What Catra does during the dream and her love confession is to reject ALL of the trauma, the falseness, the negativity, and hurt that's been put into both her AND Adora all of their lives. She's way too strong to let her own fears block her, and as she sees Adora struggling with her own fears, Catra gives her full heart to Adora because Catra knows how important it is to want to live and to love, and if she can just get Adora to understand that too, then she can save her.

... because Catra is brave, perhaps the bravest person in all of SPOP, she comes through to save Adora from Adora's own fears by showing her the power of love. Catra sees Adora for who she is better than anyone else can: she sees her humanity, and her struggles. And seeing is very important to our next cue::

Cue #3 ‘I’m YOUR idiot’

During Save the Cat, as Adora watches Catra teetering on the edge of the platform, she implores Catra to keep on fighting. She tells her: “you've never listened to anyone in your life, are you really going to start now?”

Catra responds by very fondly calling her an idiot.

And Adora freely accepts this, saying:

“I know.”

Then we get this frame, as shown above: Adora sees Catra, and how she's always tried to find safety from those that would hurt her by not letting them control her life.

Catra only ever listened to one person: she listened to Adora, and their promise... hence the ‘idiot’ part. And Adora is saying, as she accepts being called an idiot, that ‘I should have seen it sooner, and why my love was so important. You always felt like you had to fight to survive, and I was suppose to be different than those who hurt you. I was wrong not to understand sooner, and I shouldn't have hurt you like I did.'

And she proves it to Catra with her next words: “I'm going to take you home.”

Home. The thing Catra felt she had lost when Adora abandoned her at the Horde. Adora is saying: ‘I know this is what you want.’

‘So, live.’

::In the second frame, we see Catra show absolute acceptance of her love for Adora. It's just like Adora accepting being Catra’s idiot: Catra is telling Adora: 'Don't you see how I love you? You tease me, but this is not because I like you, it's because I'm crazy about you. I'm in love with you. And I want you to see this, my silly, beautiful love. Because I want you to know how I love you. I should have seen why my love was so important sooner, and I never should have left you."

‘I do freely admit that I am your idiot.’

‘And I know you. I know that this is what you really want. And that it hurts you that you were made the hero, and how everyone expects so much of you, but they never seem to see how much it hurts you.’

‘And I know that what you want is to be loved.’

‘I see you. I know you.’

‘So... live.”

It's exactly what Adora needs to see to accept love, and not let her trauma stop her. This is part of what helps Adora overcome Prime’s virus so she can absorb the Heart's power: she needed to see that she's loved. Much like Catra did, back on Prime’s ship.

Sidebar discussion 1: thoughts regarding this theory-

How exactly does the dream come to be, how does Catra experience its creation, all of these finer points we kinda hafta leave to the 'magic' that happens. We can't know exactly how it happened, but maybe we don't need to.

As to why didn't they didn't just tell us, *if* this theory is true, that is- probably because She-ra's ending is beautiful, it's hard to imagine it being any more beautiful than it already is. It's worth watching again and again: not having everything spelled out for us just makes us want to watch it more. -etheriadearie

Part 4: How everything is mirrored starting well before the dream, as well as after🪞♾🪞

All of Heart Part 2 is a mirror of Save the Cat, starting from the very beginning. And, if you look carefully you can see stylistic elements repeated throughout each (mirroring, compositional arrangements, use of green in both to represent Prime’s corruption, etc.) They are different enough that each is worthy of being called an artistic masterpiece of its own, but everything in them is related, and what happens as Catra saves Adora is very much the story of Save the Cat being retold.

Catra’s decision to return to help Adora inside the Heart chamber is synonymous with Adora’s decision to face Horde Prime on his flagship. Neither have a plan worth mentioning, both know they could fail, but they have to try, no matter what. They love each other too much not to try.

… and the other is totally dismayed when they show up to save them, knowing how perilous their situations are, as they had resigned themselves to their fates.

Oh, hey Shadow Weaver. Looks like you slipped in to be a stand in for Horde Prime ? Could this be because you were the real villain of SPOP all along ?

Even though the one is so unhappy that the other is risking themselves like they are, each girl continues to fight to free the other. They need the other to see how much they care.

Above: Adora makes a similar declaration of love to Catra's in cue #2, more mirroring 🪞

Sidebar discussion 2: Catra’s strong connection to magic-

A subplot of She-ra is how Catra unlearns her negative perception of magic she has from it being used against her as a child by Shadow Weaver, and instead comes to see magic as something beautiful. Even though Catra professes a strong dislike of it “why does everything have to be so weird with you guys ?” (s5ep8), magic constantly seeks her out.

It starts during Promise, when Catra’s subconscious seemingly guides the memories they see, ending with her seeing her inner child's hurt. It continues in the Portal episodes when she's given up hope, and after trying to destroy herself, instead returns as Corrupted Catra, a magical being with knowledge and purpose. Then, in season 5, Melog chooses Catra, she nervously accepts their friendship and is surprised to finds them to be very good friend to her.

And so, during the dream, as Catra and Adora lie mere feet from the center of Etheria’s magic, it reaches out to help them- it is a living thing, and Catra welcomes its help, proving she has incredible harmony with magic, and by allowing herself to work with it during the dream, she completes her journey of unlearning her bias- because the truth of Etheria’s magic is love.

Like Adora's jumping off the platform after Catra falls, Catra refuses to give up, and finds a way to get to Adora~

Sidebar discussion 3: Horde Prime’s virus

Another bridge between our girls is that when the monster attacks Catra, she's infected by Prime’s virus along with Adora. This is another route by which their minds can be connected (see Catra’s right hand, above) which begs the question: is everything that Adora sees in the dream just an elaborate cruelty of Horde Prime's?

I'm going with no, because of the visions which Adora has before the dream. Most of them happen well before the infection reaches Adora’s location, and their meanings don't really make sense as part of Prime’s deceit. He also says “So this is where you've run to hide" when he interrupts Adora's conversation with Mara.

It makes more sense that it is as Razz says: "You cannot control magic, magic simply is" and the magic is communicating with Adora and with Catra. It is rather, that Catra manages to use Prime's virus against him, as she's faced his control before. Her personal knowledge of his technology likely means Catra knows to help Adora overcome his control, and this along with her confession, helps Adora to break free of his control.

As Adora struggles with her final duty as She-ra to stop the heart, feeling alone in the face of it because she alone is She-ra, the only one who supposedly can do it, she's feeling crushed by the weight of a millennia old war and other's past cruelties forced onto her life. She believes it's too much for her to do alone, and that she's not a good enough hero.

Catra’s ultimate answer to Adora is: 'Don't be.’

Catra is telling Adora to stop being the hero just long enough to realize what she already has, because she's not alone. She needs help, but it's right there with her- she doesnt have to do it alone, no one should.

And so, by asking her to stay, Catra is telling Adora: 'Forget about being She-ra, and right now instead just focus on wanting to live... because if you don't live, then I can't help you. I know, this is hard. But if you can just accept that you want to be with me, then we can figure this out, together.'

And that's exactly what they do- they face the heart together.

Adora accepts love, and so Catra is able to help her absorb the Hearts power.... because love is the strongest thing in the entire universe... 💞

A few closing thoughts regarding this theory: We don't have a lot of time with the romance between Catra and Adora, as their kiss is the apex moment. But, by way of these cues perhaps us seeing them in the dream at their most romantic is real. When Adora wakes up, she doesn't even have to say anything about what she saw- Catra was there, helping her. One of the reasons why the kiss and Adora's confession of love back to Catra seems so pure is because she's understanding Catra perfectly. In fact they both are, because of the dream they shared together.

Considering how short She-ra is, for them to actually share this romantic moment together would be is key. And I feel it makes sense that they do, as such a beautiful moment deserves to live on in their (our) memories... and a way by which they could share this moment may very well exist, *if* this theory is correct.

Noelle and Friends may have cleverly given us this answer, and as beloved as the dream scene is, I'd like to think that they're together during it. Either way, She-ra's ending is beautiful.

As always, thanks for reading... I hope that you enjoyed it. Hopefully it's not just stating the obvious ? Feel free to let me know- 😅 And I couldn't get to all of the endings complexities here (for instance, Adora's confusion on love and needing someone like Catra to show her the way is very interesting, and worth exploring), and, believe me I, too, have questions. Feel free to ask questions or give me feedback, as always I will try to respond!! Also, I will be posting something related to this regarding their arcs in the near future~ hopefully. Until then...

"Don't you get it ? I love you. I always have. So please, just this once. Stay!" 🏳️‍🌈💞💋🏳️‍🌈

~EtheriaDearie

::As always, thanks for a like or reblogg!! I'm still new to tumblr, so thank you for reading- ❤️🙇

P.S. Here's the short version of this post. Yes, the "cliff notes" 😅. For a quick share with your friends!!

[nothingunrealistic]

MARC PLATT  The first thing that came to my head was three little episodes visually. One was a kid running through a forest and seeing a tree and climbing a tree and falling out of a tree and hurting his arm, and not really seeing what his emotional state was or how he fell. I saw that visual and then I thought, “Oh, and then he later tells a story of how he wishes his life was, what he wishes really happened and how he wasn’t alone and so now, visually, you can see the main story, but you’re seeing different angles of it. You’re understanding. The kid is smiling, the kid falls out of the tree and he’s in pain — but look, somebody came to help him, he wasn’t alone — and you can visualize that. So now I’m seeing what the fantasy of the kid is. And then the third time we can go back and revisit the exact images, and the camera can really see the emotional state and can detail in ways that didn’t detail at the beginning of the film that actually look. He didn’t just fall from a tree; he let himself fall. And so that sort of [triptych], that sort of Rashomon of three different visual experiences, felt very cinematic and was something you couldn’t do on stage, and that was the door that opened for me, which I pitched to Steve Levenson, and then he ran with the rest of it.

—————

BEN PLATT  We had Amandla Stenberg, who is just a brilliant movie star, so we really wanted to give her as well-rounded a character as possible. That was the character in the show that had the most room for improvement and understanding on a deeper level. It was really important to the writers to understand why Evan and Alana connect, apart from her just being a really useful plot device later in the show. And their being able to bond over their anxiety and depression and being medicated is really powerful.

STEVEN LEVENSON  The way Alana gets to function in the movie is really the way we always have seen her, which is that she is Evan, in a lot of ways. You don’t know that and he doesn’t know that, but she really is as lonely and confused as he is — and that’s why they get to come together in the way that they do.

BEN PLATT  This idea that the captain of the football team or the lead in the show or the head prefect or whoever it may be could be struggling in such a deeper way than we can know, and that we can’t take things at surface value but really need to dig deep and see inside of people, is a really powerful addition.

AMANDLA STENBERG  That’s what made me feel so passionate about the role. The work that we did together was kind of exploring, “Okay, so what makes her tick? And how does her mental divergence manifest?” For Alana, her mental divergence makes her feel like she’s missing something inside of her, and so she’s overcompensating by having to be this perfect student. She thinks that through that, she will achieve connection with other people, when, in some ways, it actually isolates her. And that was the thing that I really related to. I was such a huge dork in high school and had such a hard time just letting loose and not being hard on myself. I was your classic overachiever and teacher’s pet. When I was younger, that was a sort of coping mechanism for not really being able to deal with the parts of myself where I might have felt empty or there might have been fractions of me that I didn’t know how to understand or to fill up. Sometimes we utilize our performance and our achievements to compensate for the ways in which we don’t feel confident in ourselves, or we feel this need to prove to the world that we’re perfect. I was a little spooked out reading Alana, and I felt very connected to her, because I’m also on the exact same medication and dosage as her. I was like, “Oh, I completely get this.” She’s basically being medicated for anxiety.

STEVEN LEVENSON Another of the great, exciting things about making a movie was that we could have a third act, which we couldn’t have on the stage. On the stage, we basically skip ahead a year. He has this huge confession, he talks to his mom and then we follow up with him a year later and see what’s changed. With this, it felt like, “Oh, we can live in that year and see what actually happens and see what he goes through and how he changes and, honestly, see the consequences, the price that he pays.

BEN PLATT There was a lot more attention in the third act to, “How does he repent for what he’s done and how does he heal?” For the stage version, when you’re ready for us to wrap it up, you get that one future scene in the orchard and you get a piece of what’s happened, and that’s really satisfying. But when you get to know him on camera, you really want to see, “How is he going to move forward from this and how is he going to learn from this?” And so watching him get to know Connor and read all the books and find this video and try to do work anonymously to help and to admit what he’s done online even — I think it’s a really powerful addition.

[shipping-receiving]

“Is there a chance you won’t be okay?”

An Analysis of Hwang Si-mok and Han Yeo-jin’s Final Scene in Stranger/Secret Forest Season 2

Alright, it’s been almost a week, I’m still crying every time I re-watch this scene, and somehow I’ve written 3,500 words about five minutes of this damn show, so here we go:

As with Stranger/Secret Forest Season 1, Si-mok and Yeo-jin’s final scene in Season 2 ended with a farewell meal, complete with soju. On a very basic level, this meal felt significant in a season where Si-mok was subject, more than ever, to interrupted meals or meals he didn’t particularly want to be present for – at least until he was able to have a drink with Yeo-jin in 2x12, and then lunch with her in 2x13.

More importantly, though, this scene is the most loaded scene we’ve ever witnessed between these two characters. That’s saying something for such a nuanced, detail-oriented show, in which two people placing their phones in a storage locker at a detention centre can possess such emotional weight, particularly when played by two actors who make very subtle and sophisticated acting choices.

I’m struck particularly by the way this scene bursts with subtext – things unsaid and unresolved – when Lee Soo-yeon could just as easily have written a neater, more light-hearted exchange that reaffirmed their connection, more along the lines of their final scene in 1x16. There are a thousand other ways their farewell could have been presented to us that would have given a greater or at least a more comfortable sense of finality, even taking into account their character development over this season. This lack of resolution is evident not just from what happened during the scene, but also when the scene happened within the episode itself. The meal occurred after Yeo-jin had been bullied by her colleagues, but before she met her new boss – at this point, it seemed to the viewer that her promotion would likely bring not the pride she experienced in S1, but more challenges and isolation.

More so than the Seo Dong-jae cliffhanger, this scene makes me think that this was written with a future Season 3 arc in mind, one in which Si-mok and Yeo-jin’s relationship will continue to evolve and deepen substantially (whether that will be ‘romantic’ remains to be seen). Considering they’re the core partnership of this series, there was a deliberate withholding of stability in their farewell, rather than an affirmation of it. I won’t go so far as to say destabilisation – because despite their separation, I think their bond is more profound than ever – but at the bare minimum an absence of certainty, when it could have been written otherwise.

Anyway, on to the breakdown:

The scene opens with Si-mok carefully folding a napkin and placing cutlery on it for Yeo-jin, a simple gesture of care that Cho Seung-woo plays with a startlingly gentle attentiveness. Immediately, it signals that there’s been a shift in Si-mok – how he’s able, at least with Yeo-jin, to do something that isn’t just polite, but also thoughtful. The director even snuck in a little clue that Si-mok is thinking of Yeo-jin as he’s doing this – Yeo-jin actually appears at the left side of the frame from the start, as the camera pans over to Si-mok: 

In this shot, Si-mok is visually separated from Yeo-jin by a pillar. This could be read on the one hand as a kind of sectioning out of his mental space – a visualisation of his thoughts of her as he prepares her cutlery – and on the other hand, as a foreshadowing of their impending separation. (I do, however, enjoy the first interpretation more. It reminds me a little bit of her sketch of the inside of his head from 1x06.)

Back to the napkin: if you look closer, Si-mok didn’t fold a napkin for himself – his spoon and chopsticks are on the table next to his bowl – so this isn’t just a matter of neatly setting the table for their meal. In a very small way, he’s anticipating her needs, just as she has done with him in much more demonstrative ways in both seasons (helping him with his headaches being the most obvious one). This isn’t something he’s necessarily actively worked on in the past two years; he’s still the person who doesn’t instinctively say ‘hello’ over the phone, or ask after someone’s kids without being reminded. Yet, it’s a capacity for care that has expanded significantly, at least where Yeo-jin is concerned.

Compare his behaviour with the equivalent scene in 1x16 – back then, he only ordered a bowl of noodles for himself and not for her. Interestingly, Yeo-jin’s comment to Si-mok during that part of the S1 scene was, “Gosh, you haven’t changed one bit,” suggesting that he was, by nature, somehow unable to be considerate to someone else. Just from the opening to the S2 scene, we see that that comment is not or no longer true, at least when it comes to the way he acts around her. In both the S1 and S2 scenes, he was the first person to arrive for their meal; in S1, the first thing he said was, “Why are you late?” and had already ordered his soju and noodles. This time, however, Yeo-jin asks him, “Why didn’t you order something first?” – implying that although she was late again, he was patiently waiting for her to arrive.

There’s also a difference in the way he responds to her appearance. Now, I personally don’t think we can frame Si-mok’s connection with and care for Yeo-jin in conventional understandings of romantic attraction (which is not to say romance isn’t possible for them canonically, I just think it will manifest differently). Nevertheless, I’d say that he responds to her haircut in a way that is probably as close to the mechanics of attraction as we could possibly expect from Si-mok – not just the shock of “oh, you cut your hair,” but lingering looks and nostalgia for when they first met; nothing at all like noticing that she’s wearing lipstick and saying, not so kindly, that it looks weird. In fact, in a direct parallel to this moment in 1x16, Yeo-jin asks him if her haircut is “weird”, and he says, “I just meant it’s different.”

(I think the way he stares at her is not wholly due to being ‘transfixed’, but also because he’s trying to figure out what such a drastic change means, and why now, and whether he has to worry. Basically, his brain is trying to compute; part of his stare is him trying to analyse her behaviour, just as part of it is him revisiting his memories of her from two years ago, and part of it might well be an attraction he doesn’t quite understand or know how to reel in. He does stare at her for an inordinately long time.)

Switching over to Yeo-jin, I really enjoy this little routine of hers when they have meals together – how she narrows down options for him to a series of questions, and even helps him decide on occasion. It never feels like she’s trying to speak for him, but rather that she knows his likes and dislikes. Her question in this scene – makgeolli or soju – is phrased like her question in 2x02, when she asks him to choose between stir-fried octopus and hot pot; when she specifically requests a lot of cabbages, she must be thinking of how he ate lots of them in 2x12. This kind of care comes naturally to Yeo-jin – we’re talking about the person who took in a murder victim’s mother in S1 – but it’s still a form of intimacy, and one that Si-mok is clearly used to as well.

Soon, though, we have our first indication that things might not be so comfortable – not in the sense that their bond has weakened, but that there are fundamental shifts occurring in both of their lives that affect this bond. Si-mok, after a lot more staring, points out that her short hair reminds him of when they first met. (He wouldn’t have needed to take that much time to come up with that simple observation, which makes me think he was trying to choose his words carefully.) With enthusiasm, Yeo-jin responds with, “I haven’t changed a bit, right?” – echoing her comment about Si-mok in 1x16.

Perhaps Yeo-jin had meant this comment sincerely in the moment, but given context, her cheerfulness feels performative. We’ve just witnessed her crying after being bullied by her colleagues, in contrast to the warmth that she enjoys with her old Yongsan team; we’ve observed her changes – a result of maturity, disillusionment, a loss of innocence – throughout the whole season. In fact, she seems to have cut her hair precisely because she feels weighed down by all that has unfolded, just as one might after a break-up or some kind of painful life event. It’s a decision that seems to say: I acknowledge that everything has changed around me, but maybe doing this will make me feel like myself again, or the ‘myself’ of two years ago.

Si-mok, of course, isn’t quite so able to agree that she hasn’t changed. Multiple times this season, he’s observed the changes in her – “You don’t draw these days?” in 2x06, “Didn’t you want to work in police administration?” in 2x08, “You weren’t the kind of person to postpone things.” in 2x12. Now, he doesn’t respond to her question, and instead looks at her in silence, smiling only ever so slightly when she shakes her head playfully (and we know that she can make him smile wider than that). Perhaps he’s even choosing to withhold any judgment of her. But this is a moment, I think, that factors into his decision to ask her that question at the end of this scene.

Next, we have confirmation that Si-mok was the one who asked Yeo-jin out for dinner, just as he had in 2x02 once he’d settled into his new posting. It isn’t clear in 1x16 if it was Yeo-jin who’d asked to meet Si-mok when she found out he was being posted to Namhae, but it’s been affirmed twice this season that he prioritises this time with her (even more so than meeting his own mother). Then, he breaks the news to her that he is leaving for Gangwon Province this weekend.

In 1x16, Yeo-jin finds out that Si-mok is leaving from the special investigation team, without Si-mok being present. At the time, they still think he’ll be sent to the US for training, and Yeo-jin is visibly disappointed. She has the same crestfallen look on her face in this scene, in front of Si-mok. She doesn’t want to be separated from him, and when she asks about his cases, it seems she’d expected him to stay for quite a while longer to see them through. Mind you, Wonju is only about 1.5 hours drive from Seoul (yes, I mapped it), but Yeo-jin still looks like she’s had the rug pulled from under her. Perhaps, in an uncertain time, she’d hoped that Si-mok would be in her life more than the few weeks he’d spent in Seoul.

Yeo-jin’s responses in both 1x16 and 2x16 are a pretty big indicator that she has feelings for Si-mok (whether she’s aware or willing to acknowledge those feelings is another matter). I suppose one could argue that her reaction is simply out of sadness at the thought of being separated from a friend, but based on certain events in S2 – for example, Choi Bit questioning Yeo-jin about her relationship with Si-mok, and Yeo-jin deflecting – I think the viewer is at the very least meant to question whether their bond is truly ‘platonic’. This isn’t the type of show to include superfluous details just to tease their viewers, and in any case, Si-mok and Yeo-jin’s connection has only deepened through the course of this season despite being on opposing sides of the council. It feels like the emotional stakes are much higher this time than back in S1.

As Yeo-jin is absorbing this news from Si-mok, there are a couple of little details here that feel significant to me, but could be nothing: first, the way Si-mok half-holds out his hand as Yeo-jin is pouring her soju, just as he’d held out his hand when she was pouring makgeolli in 2x13. Second, how she pours out a cup of soju for herself first, but not for Si-mok. In any other situation, it might seem impolite – after all, Si-mok is the one who’d chosen the drink – but here it seems that she’s pouring a drink to steady or busy herself more than anything, and she doesn’t drink from it till after their toast.

Following this, Yeo-jin confides in Si-mok that “I never thought the council would end like this. [...] Will the higher-ups be replaced with more honest people while I’m catching bad men out there?” When he replies with, “Why are you talking as if those two are the same?”, it’s yet another of his probing questions, questions she never seems to have an answer to. The Yeo-jin of old would never have assumed that all the higher-ups are dishonest – she has always seen the good in people – but she feels betrayed by Choi Bit, the one person she sincerely respected. Here, she changes the topic rather than opening up, reverting to her most comfortable mode of showing care for someone else by asking Si-mok why he looks so tired. It’s a guardedness that we’re not used to seeing from Yeo-jin; when Si-mok met with Choi Bit at the start of the episode, he describes Yeo-jin as someone who “opens up easily”, even if she doesn’t “blindly trust or respect just about anybody”.

While Yeo-jin is evasive, Si-mok is more willing to be vulnerable in comparison. His openness isn’t surprising, given that Si-mok has shared more about his life and thoughts with her than with anyone else, but it is still heartwarming to see. Instead of brushing off Yeo-jin’s comment, he tells her about his dream of the prosecutors from the Western Office. For anyone else, this might not seem like a significant conversation topic, but for someone who hardly ever dreams (which Si-mok mentioned in S1), it feels like he’s sharing something special with her. This dream, and his factual recounting of it, seems to be a means for his brain to process the traumatic events of two years ago.

Before Si-mok tells Yeo-jin about his dream, there’s a quick insertion here – a lament about seeing your boss in your dreams – that suggests that she is still troubled about Choi Bit, more than she’s letting on. Again, Si-mok doesn’t push her to elaborate, though I think he’s been absorbing all the things that seem off with Yeo-jin since she arrived. Yeo-jin proceeds to analyse his dream in her head, but doesn’t verbalise her interpretation (that Yoon Se-won might be considering suicide, since he went off in the same direction as two characters who have both passed). As she’s deep in thought, Si-mok tilts his head questioningly at her; she says that he probably won’t have time to go anywhere else this weekend, implying that she was thinking of bringing him with her to visit Yoon.

Knowing that Si-mok won’t be able to come with her, however, leaves Yeo-jin resigned. As she announces, “All right, then,” I wonder if this is the moment that she’s choosing to steel herself. The two people she treasures and respects most in her life (Si-mok and Choi Bit) are disappearing from it, and she will have to learn to move forward without them.

Now, we come to their toast. In the corresponding scene in S1, their toast is bittersweet, but has a sense of resolution; upbeat piano music plays in the background as Yeo-jin says, “Goodbye, I won’t be able to see you off,” while Si-mok echoes that with, “Good luck in your new position. Sorry I can’t attend the ceremony.” In S2, the music is quieter, and much more sombre – I’ve been describing it in my head as ‘breathy sad wooooo music’ – even as Yeo-jin laughs and says, a little helplessly: “It feels like we keep repeating this.”

Si-mok, on his part, doesn’t even echo her laugh with anything more than the barest smile. Instead, he says, with a deep sincerity: “Take care, Senior Inspector Han.” As I mentioned earlier, there are many ways that they could have written or played this scene to convey even a little more resolution – choosing different music, or having Si-mok smile along with Yeo-jin, or even giving Yeo-jin a bit more notice of his departure so that she can prepare a gift (as if to say, she doesn’t draw as much these days, but she would for his sake). But the viewer is made to feel all of their reluctance, even sadness at this separation, even if those feelings are hidden beneath pleasantries. “Well, I guess I’ll be okay,” Yeo-jin says, as if there’s a possibility that she won’t be – that this is something she has to recover from in the future.

Si-mok considers her words, her phrasing, her demeanour, tilts his head at her again and says: “Is there a chance you won’t be okay?”

This, above all other lines, shows how much Si-mok has grown in the past couple of years because of Yeo-jin’s influence. Whereas he started S1 cold, guarded, and isolated from the rest of his colleagues, he has arrived at a point where he has cultivated enough of an emotional sensitivity to ask her this question – to show her care, just as she has shown care to him and other people around her. I’d even venture to say that Si-mok feels, himself, that there’s a chance he won’t be as okay with their separation as he might have been two years ago. In 2x05, during the conversation with Seo Dong-jae outside the prison, Dong-jae asks Si-mok: “You don’t feel a tad bit sad even if you’re sent far away, do you?” Si-mok answers, “No.” That doesn’t feel so definitive anymore. There isn’t anything either Si-mok or Yeo-jin can do, given that they both prioritise their careers and understand that these careers follow a certain trajectory, but parting feels a little bit harder this time.

Yeo-jin answers Si-mok’s question as reassuringly as she can, with an adorable smile and shake of the head; she lets out an “ah” after she downs her soju, as if to reorient herself. Yet, her cheerfulness in the rest of the scene – her excitement at the food, her over-enthusiastic chewing – rings empty as the sombre music continues to play in the background. For perhaps the first time in the entire series, there is something about Yeo-jin that seems feigned. Strangely, it is Si-mok’s blank expression that represents the more authentic emotion in this scene – communicating the very resignation that Yeo-jin must be feeling inside, beneath a facade that might read as comical in any other context.

“Is there a chance you won’t be okay?” is, in fact, the last thing that Si-mok says in this whole scene, despite quite a few more lines of dialogue from Yeo-jin. The way he looks at her for the rest of the scene, though, is charged with meaning. It seems to say: ‘I don’t really believe that you’re okay, but I’m going to give you space because I can tell you don’t really want to talk right now.’ It’s not as if Yeo-jin hasn’t confided in him before – their phone call in 1x15 was especially intimate – so it’s not that Si-mok is incapable of listening to her. Still, he respects her choice to deflect, and continues to observe her closely while ignoring the pajeon, even leaning forward right at the end of the scene. This very overt concentration on her is something we’ve never really seen from Si-mok before; even in the rooftop scene in 2x06, which is probably the most loaded scene they share after this one, they’re standing beside each other and rarely make eye contact. Here, his focus on Yeo-jin is palpable.

As much as this scene felt heartbreaking to me (thanks breathy sad wooooo music), it actually left me with a lot of optimism for the development of their relationship in the future. Lee Soo-yeon has said that she has enough material for five seasons of the show, and while I’m not so sure we’ll get as many seasons as that, it feels like she’s pushed Si-mok and Yeo-jin out of their comfortable friendship – planting the question, “is there a chance we won’t be okay?” I wonder if we’ll see something quite different in the third season (which is apparently in discussion!), which surely won’t see them on opposing sides again.

I’ve been burned by enough ships that can potentially be read as ‘platonic’ to know that I shouldn’t hope for any overt romance, but Si-mok is such a unique character and has such a unique connection with Yeo-jin that I’m hopeful that their relationship could be deepened with nuance, even if it doesn’t become romantic in ‘recognisable’ ways. (I have other thoughts on his asexuality/aromanticism that I won’t get into here.) It’s precisely because their connection is built on mutual trust, respect, and understanding that it remains so compelling, and I think this scene promises growth, and some resolution, whenever we see them next.

[eunoiamaybe]

my “sort-of-complete” online classes and exams tips

This is a longer-than-usual post with tips for the 3 stages of online classes: focusing during an online class session, reviewing/studying for online classes, and preparing for online exams/ quizzes. So I decided to insert the “Read More” link to (a) not take up too much space on your dash, and (b) feel more confident in adding more tips as time goes on.

These are tips that I’ve compiled from my experience of taking online classes during my last 1.5 years at university. But having all of your courses moved online is so much more complicated. Since I’m currently doing an internship, I have tried my best to produce this post based on the comments of my friends IRL and on Tumblr (hence the “my”). However, I hope it can still be useful for you and many who were all abruptly put in this same situation.

So feel free to share your own tips and experience! I will probably go back to this once in a while to make some changes to it and add your tips. Good luck to everyone who is currently/ about to take online classes. You are almost there! 🍀 I believe in every single one of you!

~  Click away for them tips   ~

💻 DURING ONLINE CLASS SESSIONS:

- try to treat online classes the same as an in-person class, especially time-wise (set a specific time for each class and plan your own class schedule. even better, study for your classes at the same time they used to be held. this will create a sense of routine and trigger the brain's normal reactions to your usual class - which is to study)

- don’t be afraid to fix your plan/ schedule (aka don’t force yourself into one if it doesn’t work for you) (trials and errors, my friend. this applies to plans too. there’s no shame in not being able to keep up with the schedule you’ve made. if you’ve tried or if it hurts you mentally or physically, then that schedule is just not the one for you. everybody has their unique strengths and weaknesses. one’s perfect system might not suit another. finding a system that works for you takes time, patience, and courage. but it will be absolutely worth it)

- find a good spot with enough light and stable wifi (if you have multiple options, select the one that would make you most comfortable, most focused, and confident enough to take online tests/quizzes/exams at - create your “exam space” in advance to reduce the anxiety of tests and unfamiliarity)

- study at a desk, if possible (studying at a desk, with good posture, mimics the feeling of being in a classroom or the library. thus, it will create a sense of routine and help you focus better)  

- accommodate yourself (I’m all about making the best out of a bad situation, and this is one way to do it.  accommodate yourself, not just with comfort, but also with actual necessities that you cannot usually get in your usual classroom/library due to whatever reason. stress balls, stim toys, positivity cards, calming music/candles. comforting plushies. chewing gum. as long as it helps you focus better, it's on the table)

- get dressed (this will bring out that sense of structure and routine that you need. put on your normal outfits, uniforms and even perfume. trick your mind into being focused)

- minimize distractions (declutter your study space. put your phone out of reach. turn off notifications. close all other tabs on your browser. select non-distracting music/ sounds. don’t spam or pay attention to spams in your classes’ chatboxes. only bring along items that are absolutely vital to your focus)

- take notes, even if you can record your lessons and/or access the lessons later (it can either be digital notes or handwritten notes on paper - your call. this will force you to focus and prevent you from zoning out/ being distracted)

- be actively engaged in the lecture (if there are technical problems or if you have questions, chatbox away. this is also good practice for people with social anxiety too: the fact that you are in your home and behind the screen can make it easier for you to ask for help)

- if possible, put your teachers/profs on the big screen to create the illusion of being in a lecture (if your study spot has a TV/projector that can connect to your laptop and quality speakers, do it. it's more fun than you'd think. also super stimulating and kicks the boredom out of you too)

- if not, use headphones/ earphones (speakers can create a feeling of distance between the lecture and yourself. combined with unstable internet and/or monotonous voices of some instructors, this may result in your brain classifying your lecture as background noises and zone out. so use headphones or earphones with the appropriate volume for that optimal focus mode)

- give yourself breaks between classes (don't cram all your classes in one morning. but don't procrastinate either. time your breaks. look at something else besides a computer or phone screen while you’re on break too. maybe brew some tea/coffee for your next class or rearrange your notes from the previous one)

💻 REVIEWING FOR ONLINE CLASSES:

- make a schedule/ system - and be ready to change them (this is an elaboration of an earlier tip. your system doesn’t have to work perfectly right away. most of the time, you will have to make some kind of adjustments to it anyway. so take it easy. pay attention to how well you react/ adapt to the new schedule so that you can make necessary changes. and give yourself - especially your mind - some time to adapt to the schedule. don’t rush yourself or put too much pressure on being productive. remember to take care of your well-being too)

- it’s okay to give yourself some off-days (that’s the beauty of not having any physical or even abstract structure that forces you into an inescapable routine. Yes, I know this lack of structure sucks for a lot of us, especially for those who rely on external forces to keep themselves focused. But look on the bright side: now you don’t have to worry about missing classes or losing participation marks when you are unwell physically and mentally anymore)

- textbooks are your friends now (especially when your classes’ live-streams are just chaotic and hard to follow. or when the pre-recorded lectures aren’t loading properly and keeps lagging. practice speed reading. look for keywords and crucial information. take notes rather than highlighting everything. compare them to your lecture notes, your syllabus, or your friends’)

- take advantage of the online format’s availability + other resources (availability is here, baby! revisit lecture videos and podcasts as many times as you need to. check your email classes’ forums regularly for questions or announcements. re-listen to your lecture when you're cleaning or exercising. watch videos of Khan Academy or CrashCourse. look for online tutors. study at your own pace and in your own style. basically anything you wish you could do when your class was in-person)

- there’s no need to submit assignments early if it’s anxiety-inducing. but make a schedule/ tracking system/ set alarms to avoid forgetting to turn them in (take your time to double-check or edit your work - as long as the submission box is still open, of course. set aside about an hour or two before the deadline for submission to avoid any technical difficulties. and remember to start working on them early so that you don’t have to shorten that window of time and have more time for double-checking)

- don't be afraid to email the profs/teachers (if possible, compile your questions into a list. be as specific as you can about your concerns. put a subject for your email to reduces the chance of your email getting lost in your instructors' inbox.)

- reward yourself (don't stress yourself out by rewarding big accomplishments. reward small victories. reward baby steps. reward effort. you'll get things done eventually)

- take time to know your learning style (when are you most focused? do you like taking digital notes or do you prefer pen and paper? are you a visual or an auditory learner? do you like moving around while studying? what drinks or scents or sounds keep you going? you don't have to stick to your usual study methods or an online/paperless one now that you are studying in your own room)

- listen to your mind and body (it’s okay to feel a bit lost) (from my own experience, times that are without structure like nowadays is when most of us fall into this spiraling downfall of unhealthy sleep schedules, lethargy, and loss of purpose. so please take care of your mental and physical well-being during this very, very weird time. keep yourself active. re-ignite old interests/ hobbies. connect with people you love. give yourself some love)

- and more tips on productivity at home in my last post right here

💻 PREPARING FOR ONLINE EXAMS / QUIZZES:

- make a list of all the online exams and final assignment due dates (this will help you keep track of and stay on top of them due dates. from that list, trace backward to make a review or study plan to prepare for the tests and work on the assignments. if there are any time conflicts, especially for those who are now living in a different timezone from their schools or colleges, email the instructors to seek solutions or alternative options)

- again, find a good spot with good wifi, good lighting, and a desk (if possible, try to recreate your ideal exam environment as closely as you can while studying and reviewing for the exams. this can reduce the anxiety of tests and/or unfamiliarity)

- be prepared for technical difficulties (especially mentally, so that you don’t plan out a course of action to take if they ever arise. draft an email template. research in advance the contacts of people whom you can report to - IT personnel, your instructors, student office, etc.)

- bring everything you need to the exams - but no distractions (like mentioned earlier, if you need any special accommodations that are considered "unacceptable" in an in-person exam/quiz, now it's the time to bring them along - you’re in charge of your test space now, so make it as comfortable and accomodating as you want)

- plan your desk set-up prior to your exams (so many extra items. still so little desk space. therefore, plan ahead so your desk does not turn into a mess when you take your exams. plan where you want to put your notes, textbooks, calculators or scrap paper. think about how much use you’re gonna get out of each item and place them within or slightly-out-of reach accordingly. charge your laptop. sharpen your pencils. have your backup stationery handy. lay out everything you need onto your desk the night before your tests. this can create a feeling of preparedness and thus, reduce anxiety as well)

- make cheatsheets (the goals when making them are simple: (1) get you to rewrite your notes for that good memorization; (2) condense your information and find a connection between them for a thorough understanding of the materials; (3) reduce the time you use to flip through your notebooks or textbooks or google for information during the actual tests)

- time yourself with mock exams (if you are given mock exams to practice with, do them, with a timer. this will help you familiarize yourself with the stress of being timed, thus reducing your anxiety during the actual tests)

- get enough sleep and eat properly (even if the exams or quizzes are online, they are still, at their core, tests. and tests are always stressful and energy-consuming. so take care of both your physical and mental health, especially during the week leading up to your exams)

[thevindicativevordan]

Metallo

I wanted to talk about one of my favorite DC villains, a guy who I’ve always thought was incredibly cool. A guy who I’ve thought makes a really awesome contrast for Superman. A guy who has never been in stories that have utilized his potential in my eyes:

Let’s talk about Metallo.

Metallo’s Background

He’s one of Superman’s oldest Rogues, and also one of the Rogues who has gone through the most revamps. The Golden Age Superman fought a guy called Metalo aka George Grant who created a suit of armor made out of the strongest metal on Earth (something that would resurface in the Grant Morrison revamp during the New 52) and a super strength serum that made him Superman’s physical equal. In an odd way he was an evil proto-Iron Man/Post Crisis Lex Luthor:

The John Corben take wouldn’t show up until the 1950s, created by Robert Bernstein and Al Plastino. This was the foundation for the modern conception of Metallo:

Right off the bat Corben was positioned as an Anti-Superman, predating Bizarro who wouldn’t show up until later. Corben worked as a journalist to cover up his real activities as a murderer and thief. An accident that nearly killed him and crippled his human body, forced him to accept a deal with a scientist to transfer his mind to a new artificial body. The scientist transferred his mind into an android body covered in synthetic bulletproof skin, gifting Corben with super strength. The synthetic skin idea would be used in Byrne’s revamp and the DCAU incarnation. He was initially powered by uranium, but was told he would need Kryptonite to fuel himself permanently. Corben would also act as a romantic rival for Clark via wooing Lois with his pretense of being Superman’s secret identity.

Ultimately John Corben would die in his debut issue, after mistaking a museum prop for the actual Kryptonite he needed to power himself. I often wonder if the character might have been better off if he had not been killed off in his debut, similarly to how the Joker was saved from dying in his debut by editorial. There were many intriguing ideas present in Corben’s creation: He was a romantic rival for Clark Kent, he used his journalism in a similar if villainous way as Superman did, and he was powered by the very thing that could kill Superman while still possessing enough raw strength to stand on equal terms with the Man of Steel. If they had kept him around, fleshed him out more, might Metallo have enjoyed more long term respect?

 Regardless, Corben’s death paved the way for the third Metallo: His brother Roger Corben.

Roger likewise had a lot of interesting ideas that would eventually get folded into the modern Metallo. He was not a petty thief, but had a personal vendetta with Superman over the death of his brother. Superman accidentally caused the very accident that crippled Roger, adding to the man’s feud. Roger was also a leader within the Skull organization, rather than the small time criminal his brother was. This Metallo’s design would form the basis for the Geoff Johns/Gary Frank revamp during Secret Origin, and I suspect the Johns conception of Metallo as a member of a wider organization and whose transformation was caused by Superman has it’s roots here.

Sadly the take on a more fleshed out Metallo would not last. The Roger Corben version of Metallo would meet his end with the rest of the Pre-Crisis Superman Rogues Gallery in the seminal Alan Moore story Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

Enter John Byrne:

During his Post-Crisis revamp of the Supermythos, Byrne returned to the John Corben take of a petty thief injured in an accident, who is rebuilt by a mad scientist Professor Vale. Byrne added his own twist though, with the scientist believing Superman to be the first scout in a full blown Kryptonian takeover of Earth, and specifically crafted Metallo to be an Anti-Superman weapon powered by Kryptonite. Metallo was to be humanity’s defense against the threat of Superman, an idea that would be revisited in Johns’ and Morrison’s revamps. Unfortunately petty thieves don’t make for great heroes, and Metallo killed Vale, ultimately coming into conflict with Superman not over any desire to protect humanity, but to simply eliminate a thorn in his side.

This incarnation of Metallo has basically served as the basis for his appearance in outside media, with a design that blatantly draws on the popular Terminator films.

This version of Metallo would also acquire a variety of powers thanks to making a deal with Neron that included the ability to transform parts of his body into weapons, transfer his consciousness into any technological or mechanical device, and manipulate his size:

Personally I’ve always loved that powerset upgrade, and think it’s crucial it sticks. It let him kick the shit out of Superman AND Batman in Loeb Superman/Batman, which basically solidified for me that this dude was a badass you didn’t want to mess with. Shame he’s never come close to matching that initial impression since.

The DCAU mostly used the Byrne revamp’s take, but they did change a few aspects which would end up carrying over to the mainline version. Most important was the replacing of Vale with Lex Luthor as the mind behind Metallo’s creation, something that would be incorporated in both Johns and Morrison’s later revamps.

One aspect that they introduced that didn’t carry over, that was still utilized to great effectiveness in the show, was that Corbyn’s transformation had robbed him of most physical sensation. He couldn’t taste, smell, touch, all the little things that made us human, and that drove him nuts. Ultimately he would learn that Lex was responsible for what happened to him, and he would swear a grudge against both Lex and Superman. Malcom McDowell was a fantastic choice to play Metallo, and is still the guy I “hear” when I read Metallo’s dialogue.

Now we come to the guy who crafted the next big revamp of Metallo: Geoff Johns.

This version of Metallo incorporated a ton of aspects from the multiple revamps that had preceded it, in much the same way Secret Origin did to Superman as a whole, while also adding a few new twists that I consider essential to the character now.

Like the DCAU, Luthor was the one who transformed Corben into Metallo. Like the Roger Corben take, this John Corben was accidentally crippled in a fight with Superman that gave him a personal vendetta against the Man of Steel.  Similar to Byrne, this Metallo was created to be an Anti-Superman weapon. Corben and Lois had had a brief romantic relationship, similar to the original debut of Corben. Johns even incorporated some of the Golden Age Metallo by having Corben suit up in a mech suit made of “Metallo”, the strongest metal on Earth to fight Superman before the accident. Johns also added a key bit of lore that I love, that Corben served as a soldier under General Sam Lane, and became the man’s surrogate son, the child he always wanted as opposed to Lois and Lucy. Here Corben is motivated to fight Kal-El by a mix of xenophobia, need to impress his father figure, desire to impress Lois, and a simple dose of blood lust.

The last major revamp came from Grant Morrison during the New 52:

Morrison kept a lot of the Johns revamp: Corben was a soldier serving under Sam Lane, he had a brief romantic relationship with Lois, he was distrustful of Superman’s heroics, and his transformation into Metallo was connected to Lex. However Corben was a much more sympathetic figure under Morrison than under Johns, genuinely believing Superman to be a threat, he volunteered to be merged with the Metal-0 superweapon (another callback to the original Metalo) to defend humanity, but Brainiac hijacked his cybernetics and turned him into a weapon. 

While Metallo would get another visual revamp for Rebirth, posted in the first image, Corben has more or less stayed within the confines that Byrne/Johns/Morrison established.

How I would use Metallo

I said earlier that Metallo is a guy I loved that I’ve never thought has lived up to his potential. He’s a villain with a lot of cool ideas, he’s a villain who has been continuously used by a lot of my favorite writers, but he’s never lived up to the Anti-Superman characterization that’s baked into him. Too often he’s just been a glorified henchman, or a petty thug, rarely if ever challenging Superman except in the most basic physical sense. I think that’s a great disservice to the ability of the character to be a much more important Rogue. That writers so often refuse to focus on him or any of the Rogues beyond Lex also hasn’t done him any favors. Instead of creating countless new OCs that are tossed aside by the next writer, someone needs to come on board with a passion for revamping the classics.

A lot of Superman’s Rogues suck not because they aren’t cool or don’t bring any interesting ideas, but because the ideas don’t do a good job in contrasting with Superman’s attributes. Metallo is a great example of this, look at all the interesting ideas creators have crafted around him, yet none of them have really been able to push those ideas as a way to explore and contrast Superman, so we get basic “Metallo tries to kill Superman, fails, Superman sends him back to jail” stories. That’s a failure of creativity in my eyes. I think that by choosing from some of the revamps listed above, a better, cooler, more interesting Metallo can be crafted.

The basics as established by Byrne/Johns/Morrison are great! The essential ideas that should be incorporated from all of the revamps listed above are:

1. Corben needs to have a military background as in Johns/Morrison. The petty thief origin is too dull, there’s nothing really to be mined there from a characterization standpoint. As a soldier Corben can serve as an interesting critique and contrast of Superman as an icon of America. The “American Way” has always been a dicey add-on to the original “Truth and Justice” motto. Often it’s been used to cast Superman as an obedient stooge of the government, as he was in The Dark Knight Returns, a characterization that has dogged him ever since. I think Corben can serve as an interesting character to explore Superman’s relationship with the American military-industrial complex. I would have Corben be what said complex wants Superman to be, at least in the beginning: A human WMD they can aim and fire, who will always follow orders no matter how reprehensible they are, who has a firm “America First” mindset. That way you can contrast the mainline Superman, and show that Superman is not that while also establishing what “The American Way” means in his eyes. Or you can have Superman drop that aspect of his motto in-universe, out of disgust for how his government perverts it. Either option is fine with me, I didn’t mind when Superman renounced his American citizenship.

2. If Lois often has to end up working with Clark’s exes, whether it’s Lana, Diana, or whoever, I think it’s only fair that Clark has to end up facing down an ex from Lois’ past. It’s important to show that Lois had a life before Clark showed up, and I think Corben is a good way to explore some of that. He’s the possessive ex-boyfriend who doesn’t respect Lois’ personal space and is convinced he can “win her back” via sheer determination. You can also compare and contrast the way Clark courted Lois, did Clark occasionally make the same pigheaded assumptions as Corben did? Corben debuted as a romantic rival for Superman, and I think that aspect still has merit. I also like his status as Sam’s surrogate son, it adds for some nice tension with Clark’s father-in-law that the guy he actually wanted to marry Lois was transformed into a weapon to kill the guy who ended up being his son-in-law. 

3. Corben is a true believer in the threat Superman poses, and is willing to take on the transformation into Metallo to protect humanity. It’s xenophobia yes, but with all the Evil Superman stories going around, it’s hard not to sympathize at least a little bit with Corben’s viewpoint, which tie into a deeper attribute of Corben’s I think needs to be brought up: Corben should be a sympathetic villain. I wouldn’t make him a bloodthirsty psycho, Superman has plenty of those. Corben should have villainous valor, willing to tackle on whatever threats to humanity are out there, whether Superman or others. I would make Corben instead someone who has the genuine desire to protect humanity, but lacks Superman’s concern for collateral damage. In that way you could contrast the two’s brand of “heroics”, Superman’s loyalty to humanity as a whole over one nation, and concern with protecting lives first and foremost, Corben’s desire to protect humanity’s future for the “greater good” even if it costs a few lives in the here and now and loyalty to America above all else. 

4. I like the idea of Superman being inadvertently responsible for the accident that cripples Corben and mandates his transformation. It adds to his sympathy, helps justify why Superman might continue to believe Corben could find redemption (he wants Corben to change and also wants to find a way to earn Corben’s forgiveness one day), and provides a good personal reason for why Corben would hate Superman, blaming Supes for his current state. I would also have him blame Sam and Lex as well, but he would subdue those resentments for as long as he remained working for the military. Only after he finally snaps would he target those two.

5. Finally I would keep the ability to shapeshift his body into weapons, and to manipulate technology. I would have Corben emulating Adam Jensen from Deus Ex, able to “hack” tech around him for his own purpose, armed with a variety of weapons that make him a huge threat not just to Superman but to everyone. Finally I would get rid of the Kryptonite heart. I’m tired of every battle with Metallo going the same way: He shows up, blasts Superman with kryptonite radiation, Superman lies on the ground gasping in pain, Metallo stands around gloating like a moron instead of finishing Supes off, Supes beats him by tricking him or by someone else intervening. I want to see Metallo as an Anti-Superman weapon realized beyond jus the Kryptonite. How about incorporating the DCAU version’s lack of feeling, so that Metallo doesn’t feel pain from Superman’s blows or his powers? How about giving him an internal temperature controller, so he can’t be melted by heat vision or frozen by arctic breath? How about an invisibility cloak that hides him from Superman’s vision, sound mufflers that let him sneak up on Supes even with his hearing, basically go WILD with his Anti-Superman status, let us see a real fight between someone who can counter each of Superman’s powers! You have Kryptonite Man and Lex for the villains who mainly make use of Kryptonite against Superman, I think Metallo should go in a different direction. Morrison making it so that “Metal-0″ was already powerful enough to hurt Superman is all the justification you need as to why he still poses a threat in my opinion.

I’ll go over the basic arc I’d want to see him undergo and the kinds of stories I think he’s positioned to tell in another post.

[shefanispeculator]

I'm slightly disappointed to log onto Zoom and find Gwen Stefani in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the ranch. Stefani spent most of the pandemic in Oklahoma with her fiancé and fellow The Voice coach Blake Shelton, with whom she has recently collaborated on a string of country radio hits, alongside a kitsch Christmas song. For a ska-pop superstar, it's a pivot, but Stefani and Shelton are cute together — picture-perfect in their opposite attraction.

Country Gwen exists, her urban counterpart assures me, but on this particular MacBook she's nowhere to be seen. I'm not sure what crude regional stereotypes I was expecting (Stefani spitting sunflower seeds? Shelton line dancing in the background?) but I get Californian sunshine instead, illuminating a version of Stefani more familiar from my teenage years, when Love. Angel. Music. Baby and its follow-up The Sweet Escape spawned millions of fans, haters and imitators. She's platinum blonde, red lipsticked and wearing a black-and-white outfit that matches the decor. The checkerboard pattern can be traced back to an even earlier era, when Stefani and her No Doubt bandmates were '80s teenagers obsessed with two-tone acts like Madness and The Specials.

Cowboy boots wouldn't fit this picture, and nor would Stefani's glitzy showgirl outfits from The Voice, where she just wrapped another season as a celebrity coach. As she prepares to release her fourth solo record, and enters the fifth decade of an extraordinarily successful music career, Gwen Stefani is re-re-branding as... Gwen Stefani.

Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino, Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Engagement ring: Gwen's own

"But what is that?" Stefani asks with seriousness, as we consider the possibility of some essential, inherent Gwen. "Everyone's interpretation of what I am and how I sing, I mean, that's what this era is about for me."

Said era kicked off late last year, with the music video for "Let Me Reintroduce Myself." It saw Stefani playfully revisit the wardrobes of album cycles past, from the ab-bearing tomboy tank tops of "Hollaback Girl" to the club kid blue hair mascara of '90s No Doubt. Her Harajuku Girls also make a return. The entire visual is a huge flex, not only for the sheer volume of iconic career moments recreated in dutiful detail, but the fact Stefani can still fit into the clothes originally worn during all of them. She looks eerily the same, frighteningly good, ageing in reverse at the same pace as her frequent collaborator Pharrell.

"It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore."

Pop stars are expected to be young forever, in looks but also in their capacity to innovate new trends. Which makes the nostalgic music video a curious choice. Doesn't Stefani know by now that the cardinal rule of pop is to avoid repeating yourself? That even the hottest artists in the world are basically required by law to create completely new eras from scratch every six months in order to appease fans and maintain maximum TikTok-ready relevance?

Of course she does, but that doesn't mean she has to participate. Stefani isn't trying to chase down her contemporaries, despite clearly possessing the physical fitness required. "It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore," she says. "It's a different energy. You know, it's really just about doing it to do it, as opposed to trying to make a statement or make a mark."

Corset: Ronald van der Kemp, Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Engagement ring: Gwen's own

Even the Saweetie remix of her latest single "Slow Clap" happened on a whim, after the younger artist happened to post a video of herself vibing to Stefani's 2004 single "Luxurious" on Instagram Stories. They knocked out the song and accompanying video in a day. Neither seems bothered by the Old Navy meme. "It was just this little video that we did on the fly," Stefani says. "It just happened. It just feels good to put new stuff out there."

Stefani completed a two-year Vegas greatest hits residency in 2019, which gave her a sense of perspective on her own legacy. "You make a new record because that's what is exciting for you," she says. "But people really just want to hear the records after a while that were the backdrop to their lives, a 'Don't Speak' or a 'Just a Girl' or a 'Hollaback Girl,' or whatever it was for them. So, you know, it's hard — you can only be new when you're new, and that's just the truth, and I know that."

She says she was pleasantly surprised that "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" charted at all, and that she only found out it did when Shelton walked into the kitchen to show her the iTunes numbers. "I burst out crying with joy, because it was like, 'Whoa, really?' I think I'd set myself up to be quite realistic about where I'm at."

Stefani, endlessly polite and self-deprecating in conversation, which on her end mostly consists of endearingly earnest run-on monologues, says she still has "tons" of insecurities. I get the impression she has been trying harder to give herself credit lately. She recalls recently hearing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on the car radio and finding herself in awe of the song's timeless catchiness.

Suit: Balmain, Earrings and choker: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own

"But then I started thinking," she says, in a goofy Cher Horowitz tone. "Like, I have a few of those myself." She talks of this realization as a genuine breakthrough, which is a little worrying for a woman who has sold 40 million records. No shit, she has a "few of those." More of them than Lauper, actually.

More new music is coming along slowly, but I've caught Stefani on a day when the horizon looks closer than usual, and while things haven't quite fallen into place yet, she's feeling more confident that they eventually will. "I'm at the end," she declares. "The idea of going for a session and not being with my kids or the idea of taking time away from Blake doesn't fuel my fire like it did two months ago. I need to decide, wrap it up, put out the project."

Crucially, there's no rush. The album will simply arrive sometime this year, tracklist and title currently undecided.

"You're talking to me at a weird transitional time," Stefani says repeatedly throughout our conversation, which sometimes takes on the cathartic tone of therapy. But having time in the first place is a new feeling.

Bracelet and choker: Dana Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's own, Clothing: Blumarine, Boots: Philipp Plein

NO DOUBT WERE A BAND for nine years before getting on the radio. Enough time for Stefani and bassist Tony Kanal to be in a long term relationship then break up and write a whole hit album about it. All of the Fleetwood Mac drama was resolved pre-fame, which enabled the group to capitalize on the surprise success of Tragic Kingdom singles like "Don't Speak" and "Just a Girl" with a world tour that lasted almost three years. Three more albums followed, and Stefani has reinforced her household name status in every decade since, launching a solo career and multiple fashion lines while never totally cutting the cord from her original musical project.

In other words, record executives have been dictating Stefani's schedule since the mid-'90s. She even sings about it on Love. Angel. Music. Baby opener "What You Waiting For," in which her biological clock ticks like a metronome. Interscope Co-Founder Jimmy Iovine, who discovered No Doubt and continued to work with Stefani on her solo output, was quick to point out that his client's prime childbearing years were also her last opportunity to cross over into pop stardom. And after her first record went number one, it only made sense to lay down some new tracks straight away.

"Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

"I had the baby, the first one, and it was only like eight weeks after I had him, that Jimmy was calling me saying, you've got to go in the studio with Akon," Stefani recalls cheerfully. "Like, Akon wants to work with you. Like, no, I'm nursing my baby. But then I couldn't say no." And then? "We wrote 'Sweet Escape.'" And then? "I went on a world tour." And then? "In the month that I got home from that one hundred and whatever shows it was, I got pregnant with Zuma. So then that was that." (It wasn't. Admittedly: "Then it was like, No Doubt, let's do another record.")

Things are different now: "You can just drop singles and you don't have to put a record out. But if you want to put a record out, you can work on it slowly." But even as she talks of slowing down, speculating that she might not even go on tour after the pandemic ends, in the next sentence Stefani's back to admitting that there's more work to be done, that she wants to write a couple more songs for her new record, "just to make sure."

Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience) Choker: Chanel, Necklaces: Gwen's own, Gloves: Laurel DeWitt, Top: Local Boogeyman

"The creation is the thing that fuels me so much," she says. "Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

Like any good lyricist, she reaches out to her listener, hoping to convey a more universal point. "It's just probably the same for you as a writer," she guesses. "You know, it's the anticipation. You're in it now. You're getting the information. This is what you live for. You're doing the interview and then you're going to write it. And that's going to be the challenge."

GWEN STEFANI WAS PUTTING out diary entry pop when Olivia Rodrigo was still in diapers and Taylor Swift was but a humble Pennsylvania Christmas tree heiress. She struggles to pen lyrics that aren't confessional ("I'm not a creative writer when it comes to like, 'Oh, let's just write a sad song about something that didn't happen to me'"), and occasionally re-traumatizes herself when performing old hits. Return of Saturn deep cut "Dark Blue" triggers "crazy, just horrible" recollections of a past relationship. Even "Don't Speak" felt emotional onstage in Vegas.

But after releasing an excruciating divorce album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, in 2016, Stefani is back to writing happy songs only. She's getting married, after all. She won't be releasing any of her trademark breakup anthems anytime soon. "Girl," she laughs, "I think I've had my fair share."

Bow: Laurel DeWitt, Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Shirt: Vintage Archive, Dress: Erdem, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani and Shelton's relationship has puzzled some fans. Shelton, a country radio phenomenon, never endorsed Trump in the 2016 election, but he did come close. Earlier this year, he was criticized for releasing a song called "Minimum Wage," about finding small joys during periods of economic struggle, at the peak of a recession.

Is Gwen Stefani a Republican now? She's not offended by the question, or really anything I have to ask. She has been famous for so long that she expects and even embraces scrutiny. "If you're going to be a star, that's what you get," she says. "You know what I mean? You get what you get, and you don't get upset, at all."

As for her politics, it's read-between-the-lines."I can see how people would be curious, but I think it's pretty obvious who I am," she says. "I've been around forever. I started my band because we were really influenced by ska, which was a movement that happened in the late '70s, and it was really all about people coming together. The first song I ever wrote was a song called 'Different People,' which was on the Obama playlist, you know, a song about everyone being different and being the same and loving each other. The very first song I wrote."

One of very few multi-racial bands playing stadium shows for hoardes of American teenangers in the 1990s, No Doubt did very literally embody those second-wave ska principles of inclusion. Stefani even wore bindis and saris on stage as a symbol of cultural exchange with Kanal, who is Indian-American, briefly kickstarting a white girl facial jewelry trend that it's safe to say would not fly in 2021.

Rings (left): Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience)

"The Specials and The Selecter and all those groups, and what they were doing in the late '70s was this whole kind of anti-racism, we come together, Black and white ska movement," Stefani elaborates on the band's founding principles. "And we were sort of echoing that in the '80s when we did it, we were like the third generation of ska."

Ska she's always happy to discuss, but Stefani was brought up to keep her electoral preferences personal, and that rule has held for her entire career. "The whole point of voting, is you have this personal space to feel how you feel," she explains. "I use my platform to share my life story and to engage with people and to exchange whatever gift I was giving. I'm not a political science major. I am not that person. Everyone knows that. So why would I even talk about it?"

"I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me."

It never has been. Looking back, it's weird that "Just a Girl" is so integral to Gwen Stefani's brand. She's never written anything else with remotely the same message, and or publicly identified as a feminist. To Stefani, it's just a song about growing up, and "all of a sudden you realize your gender." It wasn't meant as a protest or anthem: in fact, being her breakout hit, she didn't think anyone other than her bandmates and some local fans would ever hear it.

"I don't even know if I knew what feminist at that time was," she says. "I was very sheltered growing up with my family. I wasn't political. I wasn't angry." Even now: "I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me. Stop talking about it and stop trying to bully everybody about it. Just do it. And that's how I feel like I've lived my life."

WHEN STEFANI WAS GROWING up in 1970s Anaheim, her father got a job doing market research for Yamaha, which required frequent business trips to Japan. He'd bring home Sanrio toys, as well as anecdotes about the Tokyo district of Harajuku, where teenagers were dressing like Elvis, and "taking all these American things and making them Japanese." His daughter was entranced. "He would be telling me these things my whole life, like my whole life. I had a deep fascination."

So when No Doubt played Japan in 1996, Stefani describes, "It was a pretty big deal for me." The tour was the first time she'd traveled outside of the United states, save one trip to Italy when she was 21. "I just was inspired," she recalls. "It's a world away. And at that time it was even further, because you couldn't see it on the internet. I don't think a younger generation can even imagine what it's like to not have access to the world."

From then on, Japan became one of Stefani's biggest career motivations, especially when it came to her solo albums. If she could just write more hits, she'd get to tour there again, see the street style, visit the vintage stores. "If you read the actual lyrics [in 'What You Waiting For?'], it talks about being a fan of Japan and how if I do good, I get to go back there," she says.

In the meantime, she decided she'd bring Japan to Los Angeles. "I never got to have dancers with No Doubt. I never got to change costumes. I never got to do all of those fun girl things that I always love to do. So I had this idea that I would have a posse of girls — because I never got to hang with girls — and they would be Japanese, Harajuku girls, because those are the girls that I love. Those are my homies. That's where I would be if I had my dream come true, I could go live there and I could go hang out in Harajuku."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience, Gold Necklaces: Gwen's own, Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino

Dancers Maya Chino ("Love"), Jennifer Kita ("Angel"), Rino Nakasone ("Music") and Mayuko Kitayama ("Baby") would go on to accompany Stefani for her next two album cycles, dancing on stage and in her videos while also making silent, but very well-dressed, awards show appearances. Kita, who'd grown up in LA, visited Japan for the first time on Stefani's tour.

In a 2006 interview with Blender magazine, comedian Margaret Cho compared the Harajuku Girls to a minstrel show. The backlash against them has been consistent ever since. Stefani, to this day, disagrees.

"If we didn't buy and sell and trade our cultures in, we wouldn't have so much beauty, you know?" she says. "We learn from each other, we share from each other, we grow from each other. And all these rules are just dividing us more and more."

Hello Kitty merch was harder to come by when she was a kid, but in other ways, life felt easier. "I think that we grew up in a time where we didn't have so many rules. We didn't have to follow a narrative that was being edited for us through social media, we just had so much more freedom."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Dress: GCDS, Shirt: Faith Connexion, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani's penchant for rule breaking has always been apparent in her music as much as her aesthetic. Genre-wise, she's a randomista. The chart success of No Doubt's bouncing ska beats felt like an accidental post-grunge-era glitch in the matrix, and it's insane to this day that one of Stefani's biggest solo hits samples "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof, by way of '90s British dancehall duo Louchie Lou & Michie One. That another, "Wind It Up," features earnest Sound of Music yodeling.

"I just make up whatever comes out," Stefani says of her songwriting process. "I don't even know where it comes from. I feel like it just comes from the source. It's not trained, and it's not perfect, it's just real."

She looks back on the Love.Angel.Music.Baby era as unusually experimental and artistically fulfilling. "It was just a really incredible time, and a very creative time. I feel like it was just a really creative project."

STEFANI VIEWS HER CAREER success as mostly a matter of luck. Pop stardom is God-given and mysterious."Because the fact I made it, it doesn't make any sense," she reflects. "It's written in the stars. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most pretty. I'm not the most smart. None of those things. But I made it, right?"

Clothing: Blumarine, Bracelet and choker: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's Own

Every week on The Voice she watches objectively gifted musicians fail at becoming artists. "I watched people that went through that without seeing their faces, without knowing what color they are. And I chose the ones that pulled my heartstrings. And even though they were so talented, none of them have had careers. It's made me look at myself and even feel even more amazed by the fact that anyone cared or cares."

If all of this is actually so out of her control, then Stefani feels safe stepping back a little bit. "I don't have that fuel in me like I used to, because I already won," she says. And now she has other victories in mind. "Being a good human, a good mother. I want to have a good marriage. I want to be a good wife. I want to win at finding peace. I want to win at finding other hobbies that I'm good at."

But at the same time? "If I'm inspired, I'm going to try to do something with that inspiration." That's the most fun part: whatever else comes after has always been an amazing bonus.

The "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" era, whatever form it may eventually take, isn't a desperate grab at former glory. It's Stefani refusing to evolve for the sake of it. She's poking fun at the whole idea of having to compete with past personas alongside current ones, while acknowledging the fact she's grateful to still be in the game at all.

"You don't know what you're doing," she says, somehow both confident and resigned. "You're a cartoon of yourself at this point, and you don't know what people are thinking. They're wondering, what? Why are you still here? And I'm like, I don't know. They said I could be here. So I'm here!"

Photography: Jamie Nelson Styling: Nicola Formichetti Hair: Sami Knight Makeup: Michael Anthony Nails: Carolyn Orellana Wardrobe director: Marta Del Rio Production: Katrina Kudlick Digitatech: Sean MacGillivray Logo design: Luca Devinu Story: Kat Gillespie

FROM YOUR SITE ARTICLES

[expandyu]

Goal Setting for People Who Forget

Do you often “have a lot going on” but no clear idea what it is exactly, or what it’s for? Do you sometimes stop and wonder why you even started that project you’ve been stuck on for months? Do you give up on things or start over, because you can’t be bothered to dig through the muck and figure out what you were doing in the first place?

I’ve been there. In fact, I’m there roughly once a month if I’m lucky (or once a week if I’m not). I’m not here to offer a magical solution that will allow you to always be on top of your life (although, if you find one, please share). What I am here to offer is a ladder, for getting out of that rut if and when you find yourself there (again). I’m here to offer a framework you can rely on to remind you of your “whys”, a peg to hang your hopes on so they don’t float away, and a sense of security in knowing you can move toward the things you want even if you trip up a bit along the way. (And believe me, you will. We all do. It’s okay.)

Throughout the years, I’ve made my way through a lot of advice on goal-setting. Some of it was helpful, some was interesting, none was ever enough. No matter what I read or what I tried, I always managed to get lost somewhere along the way.

I needed more than just, “how to write good goals”. I needed to understand them better (why I wanted them), plan my life around them (create projects for them), and actually follow through (complete the tasks related to them). I needed something comprehensive, a reliable system that covered all my bases. So, I developed one for myself.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

The details of what that whole system looks like are in another post. This post is about forgetting. Or rather, it’s about remembering. Because for some of us, our goals and projects can be a bit, “out of sight, out of mind”.

It might be because you’re busy putting out fires all the time, drowning in urgent tasks that all need your immediate attention.

It might be because you’re the kind of person that’s good at focusing on whatever is in front of you, and not much else.

It might be because you’re easily distracted by the newest, shiniest thing.

Whatever the reason, the solution to “out of sight, out of mind” is simply to keep it in sight.

Create visual representation of your current goals and ongoing projects. Kind of like a vision board, but for the now. It can be digital or physical. You can make it your desktop background, print it out and put it on your wall, draw or write on some sticky notes, or go all out with a cork board and photographs / magazine clippings. Use this as your visual reminder of what you’re currently doing. Or, what you should be doing.

But wait, why should you be doing those things and not whatever new thing you’ve picked up this week?

Write it Down

You need to answer that question. More specifically, the past you needs to answer it.

My biggest tip for people who tend to forget things is to write everything down. (Honestly, even people with powerful memories should write more things down, it frees up a lot of RAM.) No matter what system or methodology you use, it will break down if you don’t have a good safety net for when things go wrong. Your notes are your safety net.

Take the time to explore your goals and projects, your reasoning behind wanting to pursue them, and the methods you want to employ. And write it all down.

Why did you choose this major? This school?

Why did you start reading this book?

Why did you want to start a business? Why this industry?

Drill down into the details and sketch out even the most obvious parts. A stranger should be able to read your notes and understand what you’re doing. (And, if you’re writing these things down in a notebook of some kind, be sure to put your name and contact info in it so if a stranger does pick it up after you’ve left it at a coffee shop you can get it back.)

Understanding and revisiting your own reasoning can do wonders for waning motivation by reminding you of what past you found meaningful about it. Revisit your notes whenever you start to lose motivation, when you’re feeling lost, or overwhelmed. Better yet, set a reminder to revisit it regularly, before you start feeling lost. Remind yourself of why you’re doing all this.

There may still be times when you abandon a project or even a goal, or when that new shiny thing wins over. You may find that the goal or project you started no longer serves the person you’ve become. When that happens, you can let it go with confidence and with a clear understanding of why you started, and why you no longer need it. And you can move on to your next project without any guilt.

Quick Review

Keep visual reminders of your goals and projects where you will see them frequently

create a collage

use post-it notes

draw

make it your desktop background

just make it visible

Keep detailed notes about your goals and projects,

why you’ve chosen them,

what your next steps are,

what questions you still need to answer,

etc. 

Refer to your notes frequently, especially when

you get stuck,

you feel overwhelmed,

or lost,

or when what you’re doing no longer matches that visual reminder!

Update as needed. People change, situations change. Move on with the knowledge that you didn’t abandon that project for no good reason.

[sanstropfremir]

Okay, time for my weekly rant so buckle up. The vocal stages were okay-I cant really remember them well because I watched them only once so take what I say with a grain of salt. Well I watched the Spark one once and I only got through half of the other one because I can’t stand ballads especially when there’s no interesting movement on stage to keep me engaged. Like it’s no fault of the members themselves or the song (I actually think their singing was incredibly beautiful and Eunkwang always sings like his wife just left him with the kids which is how you know he’s good) but I physically could not pay attention. That’s why I liked the spark stage a bit better-there was enough movement that I was able to focus on it. I really liked the use of the fire and the way they were walking in and out of the frame trading off parts so there weren’t too many awkward moments where the other members where on stage but not doing anything. The opening was gorgeous with each members being lit by the spotlight as they harmonize. So stagewise, I prefer Spark but vocally I think the other group was stronger. I love Spark and Taeyon is such an incredible vocalist (I mean the song is great because of her) so I don’t get why their delivery was, I don’t want to say weak, but subdued might be a better word. The only one that really stood out was Junhoe (but also that man couldn’t not stand out even if he tried, not with that incredibly rasp) and even he seemed to be holding himself back a bit. Though it was a bit slow it built up well to the two last choruses but still the first half could have been stronger. I know they were trying to draw it out to a strong pay off but I don’t really know if it was enough. And yes the suits were *chef’s kiss*. I think at this point in their career the FNC stylist has put SF9 in so many suits they’ve got it down to a science. Also I’m a sucker for those shirts with the triangle cut out and we got not one but two of them here.

Okay moving on, I’m not sure which group was next but I’ll talk about the Ikon stage. It seems like they finally realized that they’re on a performance based competition show so they decided to pull out the big guns. Love the little skit at the beginning (making sure people don’t forget that they’re YG), it was cute and refreshing. I really appreciated how they leaned into the campy acting in this stage (Stray kids did it too-just adding to the similarities between their stages). The song was meh but I also don’t really like BP especially not their recent stuff so it’s not a big deal. I would have preferred if they had gone with another song maybe Whistle or As If It’s Your Last or if they’d done a 2NE1 song like Chanwoo mentioned some point in the episode. I also think the stage would have been way smoother if they’d let Ikon and Lisa interact. Like if the boys appeared in her set after her section and then they all moved back to the first jungle set and then the whole thing turns gold and they did a dramatic outfit change (but with better jackets because theirs look like they came out of Party City). I also get what you mean about the dancers outfits not being that great. I actually really liked the outfits of Lisa’s dancers in isolation but they didn’t match with her or the set so they threw me off a bit. At least with the ikon members they were going for a modern look so the dancers outfits didn’t look that strange in comparison. Do you think it would have been better if they were white? How would you have improved then? The best way I can describe this performance was that it was a stage, stuff happened, I enjoyed myself but I don’t plan to revisit it anytime soon. Oh and we also have to give points for them cursing on national television not once but twice (at this point Jinwan deserves to say fuck).

Now to Stray Kids. So I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I am actually a stray kids fan (I won’t call myself a stay because I don’t associate with the fandom) and though I’ve been really critical of them and their stages tend to be my least favorite I still have a soft spot for them (I got into this show because of them after all). I loved, loved, loved the intro with Felix (and yes his biggest flaw is that he’s Australian but I forgive him for it) and the way it immediately transitions into the chorus of DDD-the abrupt transition does fit really well with the Deadpool theme and I guess it is the closest they’re going to get to the feeling of yeeting themselves into traffic like in the movie. Interesting choice to start with the chorus. Now that I’m rewatching it I do really wish they stuck with the comic theme. I think that’s my gripe with SKZ-they have a lot of good ideas but they move on too quickly from them. Just pick a handful of things and sprinkle them throughout instead of cycling through them at breakneck speed. Like okay they’re doing Deadpool and he’s a comic character so keep the comic styling (it would have been a good thing to put in the projection behind Seungmin’s scene), maybe in the subway they could have had some fight choreo so the guns coming in at Lee Knows part aren’t out of nowhere (also someone please tell me they were trying to recreate the meme with the cat and the knives, please I need to know). I absolutely agree that them having a goal or an antagonist would have really helped the story along. I mean they literally have a spoken intro so why couldn’t Felix just tell us who they were fighting (and I’m pretty sure in the movie Wade tells us he’s trying to kill Francis in that scene sooo). As always they put more focus on the rappers (please can we get less Changbin and more Seungmin, Jeongin, or Lee Know or at least give Felix more parts). Seungmin was the real mvp of this stage and he had the best outfit (I think it qualifies for Hanya’s best gay little outfit list). Personally I with they hadn’t gone with Gods Menu again. I’ve been hoping that they would perform My Pace (and maybe remix it with their B-side TA off their Go Live album) because that would be such a fun stage. Again, I enjoyed myself but I won’t revisit it anytime soon. At this point the only groups I actually look forward to are BTOB and SF9 (they’re doing fucking Move and I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified-there’s a clip of Taeyang covering Move from a variety show or interview and I think he does it really well so I know at least one of them can pull it off). Again thanks for creating space where I can info dump and I hope I said something of interest to you!

i think you wrote more than me!! i love this, im gonna put my response under a cut im not being super obnoxious on the dash.

i get that the mayfly stage would be not as visually stimulating for people and usually i would count myself in with that crowd because i love a good spectacle but i think because i watched the spark stage first and my colour perception is sometimes weird so when there's a lot of movement with very little colour variation my tiny pea brain loses track of whats happening really quickly. especially with red. so it was kind of difficult for me to pay attention to the spark stage in the second half. also i absolutely HATE watching people flub on stage because it brings up such visceral secondhand feelings that i couldn't even watch the stage when i started the full episode today.

i love a good suit but you know what i would also love: sf9 in more costume variations. tbh im just getting nitpicky about it because im a costume designer down to the core and i got trained by a designer who specialized in doing avant garde costuming so i tend to skew more towards wild than reserved. it looks like the move stage wont be be suits so ill take it, but oh man to do i want to see some really crazy stuff. which i know they'll never do because idols have to be pretty at all times or the fans get mad but oh i want it so badly.

do you mean how i would improve ikon's backup dancers outfits or lisa's? here why dont i do both. for lisa's dancers i would have just done away with that harness shape all together, its almost exclusively a military style. the jackets by themselves would have been fine but really what they should have done was put them in something that matched the gold but contrasted enough to give them shape. by having at least her dancers in all black on a gold stage there was a lot of "haha look at me do a duck walk because lets throw in some voguing for spice." they could have gone with a mesh bodysuit idea similar to what she was wearing or even just different colour coats. as for ikon's backup dancers, firstly pants. not black. or even a longer skirt. genuinely a part of the reason why i dont watch girl group content is because i HATE the hem length of the shorts they make everyone wear. words cannot describe how much i hate that cut. kpop is so obsessed with showing off women's bodies and especially their legs but they do it in the LEAST flattering way possible because it "can't be too risqué," just shoot me now. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. yea yea everybody was on cocaine in the 80s whatever but at least they were all wearing french cut bodysuits so their legs looked fantastic. stop interrupting the lines!! anyways. pants so the only section of skin showing is thigh to mid calf, especially because they weren't even doing any fun legwork! if they really wanted to keep the full sleeve bodysuits they shout have done them in a fabric with a texture or external embellishments, like a patent/vinyl or sequins/rhinestones. something to catch the stage lights so we can actually see the shape of the limb. but the easiest way to fix it is literally just cut the arms off the bodysuits. stages are lit to show off skin, sometimes the best way to have something be seen is just to have it bare.

i agreed skz cycles through ideas way too fast, they need to just pick a couple and stick them out through the stage instead of just adding more and more different ones throughout. also ok good someone else noticed that there is just...so much changbin. we don't need that much changbin. i know there's other boys in the group let them do something! also im pretty sure theyre not recreating the cat knife meme but actually the promo image from john wick chapter two, which i also could have sworn i saw a deadpool version of as an instagram ad back when movies were happening, but now that im looking for it it doesn't exist so i might be crazy.

im excited for the move stage but im also trepidatious because...its move. i have NO clue what the concept is from the previews so i just hope its weird enough to take it enough out of the taemin context for me to enjoy it.

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[papermariosuggestion]

What are you hoping for from a new Paper Mario? What's your "golden ideal", I guess?

I could spend, like, years thinking of things I’d like to see in a Paper Mario game, but I’ll try to narrow it down. Here are some of the main things I’d really like to see:

☆ New partners (plural)

• Based on previously established Mario species, preferably “enemy” species, as “The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”

• Unusual, but believable, and perhaps even poignant, backstories and fully realized character arcs. I want to care about these characters because I’m invested in this world, its inhabitants, and those inhabitants’ personal successes and failures, not just because their design is so kawaii and/or their dialogue is so funny, though those things are a plus.

• Distinct personalities and opportunities to show those personalities off (through design, body language, dialogue, etc).

☆ RPG mechanics

• Built on the solid foundation established in Paper Mario (N64)

• Turn-based combat

• A leveling system where you get to choose which stat to increase

• Badges (Including superficial badges like the L Emblem and Attack FX badges)

• Something new, like being able to use two partners to perform a Bros.-Attack-like move, or maybe even stats specifically pertaining to your partners.

☆ New locations

• It’s a delicate balance. Locations should both feel like they could realistically exist in Mario’s world and feel like something we’ve never seen before. TTYD has some great examples of this (Rogueport, Boggly Woods, Twilight Town, etc). Super Paper Mario has some creative locations as well, but because it takes place in another dimension, not in the typical world that Mario inhabits, none of them really feel particularly “Mario-esque” in nature. They’re all a bit off-brand, so to speak.

• On a technical level, graphics are improving all of the time, but that doesn’t automatically lead to more intriguing and/or more visually satisfying designs. At it’s core, Mario is a fantasy franchise, an escape from reality, and the Paper Mario series is one of the few series in the franchise that really builds out- or at least used to really build out- its world, and that world was interesting because it was new and mysterious, it practically begged to be explored. Paper Mario games should show me something I can’t see in reality; I know what paper and cardboard and lemons and steaks look like, show me underground cities and palaces, show me sprawling gardens with talking flowers, show me a floating tourist trap in the sky. The biggest limit is your imagination, so let it run wild, and show me that, show me that Alice in Wonderland-like controlled chaos.

☆ An interconnected world and motivated backtracking

• No stage-selection maps. Even if the game is fairly linear, I don’t need to have that shoved in my face. I don’t want to feel like I’m working my way down a to-do list, glued to a track, I want to journey through the world and explore somewhat freely.

• No fast travel by default (maybe you unlock fast travel after beating an optional challenge like the Pit of 100 Trials)

• No pipes that take you right from the hub world to the chapter area; I wanna walk…

…and I want it to be through a believable, expansive, intricate world that changes as I progress through the game, a world I could see hundreds of times and never get sick of because its details are constantly in flux, and because those details are the kind that make it feel realistic and lived-in. I don’t want to be teleported from A to B, or confined on a path from A to B to C, I want to explore, I want to discover, I want to experience this world and to form an attachment to it. This alone would make backtracking more worthwhile, but…

• …another way to make backtracking even more enjoyable would be to add events that make walking into a game in and of itself, like having to follow a creature up in the trees, or having to get through a cursed area in Mirror Mode, or having to dodge and weave through falling rocks because there’s a huge earthquake destroying- and altering the actual geometry of- the area. Walking doesn’t have to be a chore for you to complete in order to get on with the game, and it shouldn’t be, it should be part of the game, just as engaging as anything else you’re involved in.

☆ Non-linear elements

• The game should still be fairly linear overall, because Paper Mario games are chapter-based stories with beginnings, middles, and ends, but having some say  in which chapter comes next, or which partner you meet, or even just which puzzle you solve next would give the player a stronger sense of agency. Story-driven games are at high-risk of making the player feel like they’re just along for the ride, and this would help to counteract that.

☆ Spin dashing

• Gotta go fast! Getting rid of spin dashing always felt like an odd choice to me. Characters like the Yoshi kid, Carrie, and Dashell kind of replaced it, in the sense that they allow you to move quickly, but being able to speed up without switching partners, as well as being able to spin attack and just to witness the utter chaos of Mario flinging himself across the screen again, would make backtracking and walking around in general less of a slog. It would also give you more agency in the overworld and serve as a nice callback to the original game.

☆ Free-moving NPCs & situational dialogue

• In past games, NPCs have been confined to certain paths and locations. They might move from chapter to chapter, but they would always stay in the same general area until you triggered an event that placed them somewhere new. I’d like to see characters wandering around, going in and out of buildings, visiting other locations, having private conversations with one another, getting into fights, buying and selling items at the shop, putting on different clothes, and doing just about anything else they would typically do in-universe. Obviously this would be huge challenge to program, but we’re talking about an ideal here, and anything in this general direction would be an improvement in my eyes. We already see a bit of this in the series, but I’d like to see even more.

• When NPCs say things like “Where are your manners, Mario? You shouldn’t climb on the table” and “Don’t be so careless. There are too many enjoyable things in the world to gamble with your life!” it makes it feel like they actually see what you’re doing and care about what you’re doing. Having NPCs respond to you differently because of where you’re standing, or what partner you have out, or what badges you’re wearing, and so on, makes them into more than just set decoration or a sign to read, it makes them people, or at least more person-like. Nintendo’s been pretty good about this in recent years, probably because technical improvements have made it easier than ever before, and I think it would be fitting for a series known for its world-building.

☆ Dynamic lighting design & a day/night system

• This is all about aesthetics because, as it turns out, visuals are pretty important in a video game. Paper Mario (N64) had some really interesting lighting design, notably in darker areas like the secret passage in Peach’s castle, and we haven’t really seen a lot of that since, despite having more advanced technology that would allow for advanced lighting.

• I’d like to see things like swinging chandeliers that cast beams of light, and cracks in the ceiling that light pours through, and mirrors/reflections that Mario uses to solve puzzles, and shadows that hint at secrets. Lighting is a huge part of shaping a world, and using it in a variety of different and meaningful ways just makes your world seem that much more complex and grounded.

• As for the day/night system, I am picturing a game that visually changes based on the actual time of day, kind of like Animal Crossing games do, but not a game that requires it to be a certain time of day for any gameplay purposes, not for the main quest, not for side-quests, and not even for easter eggs. All I want is for it to be bright when I play in the morning, orange when I play at sunset, and starry when I play at night. This also would add to the game’s replayability, as different chapters would look and feel different depending on what time of day it was when you played through them.

☆ Easter eggs that reference other games in the franchise

• I want it to be clear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Mario we see in Paper Mario games is the same Mario we see in other Mario games, not another person, and talking about the time he visited Isle Delfino or when Bowser fused with a sentient tennis racket would really drive that home.

• Make me really look for some, though. It’s cool to spot easter eggs in plain sight, but what’s really rewarding is having to dig for them. I don’t just wanna see Luigi standing in the background, I want to spot little inconsistencies and cracks in the walls and cryptograms spread throughout the world. Sure, the five-year-olds playing might not find them on their first playthrough, but when they’re fifteen and they remember that awesome Paper Mario game they played a decade ago, they won’t just be revisiting a world they’ve fully explored, they’ll be playing on a whole new level, figuratively speaking.

☆ amiibo Compatibility/functionality

• I’m not a big fan of DLC in general, as it’s often overpriced, but I do think amiibos are neat; using a real object to unlock something in a virtual world makes the virtual world feel just that much more alive to me, that much more like it’s a little world I can actually affect.

• The Paper Mario series never really got official merch, and while you do see a bit of your partners’ lives in the epilogue, it’s only a glimpse into their future, so getting little figurines of past partners that make them appear in the game, tell you about a recent adventure they had, and give you a unique badge based on their abilities/personalities/experiences, would be like a dream come true.

☆ Just be creative (I know it’s not that simple, but like, figure it out)

• Surprise me; throw in something inventive and revolutionary, like Wall Merging from A Link Between Worlds or The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device from Portal.  There’s a whole universe of possibilities out there; please dream a little bigger than items disguised as a gameplay element and a hammer that fills in glaringly obvious gaps in paint. Nintendo’s always pushing the video game industry forward with their creative consoles. Use that, take whatever whacky control method they come up with next and integrate it like Super Paper Mario did- but hopefully even better than Super Paper Mario did- with the Wii remote.

• I see fans writing stories, and drawing characters, and making sprites, and working with all kinds of mediums to make art that knocks everything from recent “Paper Mario” games out of the park. Obviously Intelligent Systems can’t just steal those ideas, but I’d love to see them get on that wavelength and match that passion.

• Make a game that you’d never want to put down because you just can’t get enough of it, and don’t even bother with that “You’ve been playing for a while. You wanna take a break, grab a snack, chill out for a sec?” message; if I die playing your game because it’s truly that good, I see that as an absolute win. That’s legendary game design, my friend; aim to make a Paper Mario game so good it’s worth dying for, and if you fall short of that, hopefully you’ll still land on something pretty awesome.

[iwriteaboutkpopsometimes]

Hyunjin "Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)" (원곡 : Sam Tinnesz) | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]     ~A Love Letter~

I talk about why I love this video so much and deliver an excruciatingly detailed play by play of it, but why read a two thousand word, five page essay on a three minute video when you can just go watch the aforementioned three minute video? Forget me spending hours writing this, why are you here, seriously, it would take you significantly less time to watch the actual video. Regardless, enjoy my attempt to refrain from saying the same three things, “he's so cool”, “I love him”, and “this is so good”, in exchange for a  more, hopefully, academically professional sound.

Watching him perform never fails to put me in a trance, it’s incredibly captivating how precise and sharp while simultaneously lively and energy-filled his movements are. This video feels reminiscent of enjoying a movie I’ve seen countless times, memorized every line of dialogue from, and genuinely think of every part as the best it has to offer. I greatly missed seeing him dance and having this as his grand welcome back into the spotlight is nothing less of a gift. Every second leaves my heart pounding and as excited as the last, as he continuously tops himself the longer I watch. I feel that revisiting the video is the least I can do, for giving it only one view doesn’t feel morally acceptable if I intend to truly appreciate it for that art that it is. Dramatic of me? Perhaps, but I can’t help but perceive it as more than just this one video that was uploaded onto their YouTube channel. It isn’t just about all of the work he and others put into the making of this particular video, his choreography for the song was a result of years upon years of practice and learning different techniques. A performance this good doesn’t only involve technical skill though, but also skill in regards to one’s inner mind. To have confidence in one’s self, to hit every move powerfully, to know what you’re doing and be unapologetic about it, that is skill. Sure, the performer is at the focus of any performance, but don’t forget that it’s also about the audience, it is after all for the enjoyment of the viewer. If the audience senses your doubt and insecurity and uncertainty, it will make your stage that much less enjoyable. Whatever you feel, they can feel too. When I watch him, I don’t feel any of that. In fact, I feel the exact opposite, I feel inspired, motivated, confident, excited to advance in my own endeavors. The emotion that this video evokes from me goes beyond anything Stray Kids or K-Pop or even dance itself, it makes me want to be a better person, be kinder to myself and work harder. That might sound like a lot for one video to do for someone, but it’s the truth. All of the details, even down to the individual frames, it all works together to create the most gratifying viewing experience. At the time of writing this, the video has just hit five million views and has over one million likes, only a mere three days after its initial upload.

The first shot of his footsteps alone,  as he goes to stand in front of the mirror, I already feel this sense of importance coming from him, delicate, yet powerful. The setting, cold and empty, yet inviting, it makes room for him and gives him just enough light to be seen, for he doesn’t need all that much help to surely shine. The credits that pop up use a dark shade of pink-red for it’s background color and white text that acknowledges the same deep red imagery and text associated with the material of the original work. His outfit is neat and pristine with some sparkle, resembling one a prince would seem fit. He stares at his reflection, holding a sheer white ribbon in his mouth, gathers a section of hair behind his head and proceeds to tie it with said ribbon. The music starts as he finishes tying and lets his arms fall down at his sides. The over the shoulder shot looking into the mirror, shows that his expression is neutral, almost calm. This can most certainly be described as “the calm before the storm”, except the storm itself is antonymous to a tragedy, because when the singing starts, it’s as if his performance persona was turned on by a switch, a charismatic possession that took place in a matter of seconds that sends chills down your spine in the best way. His previously neutral, calm-like expression and gently resting arms are quickly replaced by the sudden placement of his right hand around his neck and a look that resembles more of  a vengeful, hesitant, and somehow playful one. Similar to what I’d imagine a villain would look like right before being bested during an epic fight sequence at the climax of a film. It’s satisfying to see him popping to the beat’s rhythm, his arms, wrists, and head smoothly illustrating the flow of the words, his focus and the secure angles he’s able to form before even fully utilizing his lower body. On the line “Got secrets I can’t tell”, he delicately places his pointer finger in between his teeth, as he turns back to meet the camera with his eyes, the shot now semi-closely focusing on both Hyunjin and his reflection as opposed to just one or the other. He extends his right arm, his hand forming a fist, and the camera movement making it as if I’ve been punched and sent flying. He stumbles to the middle of the room, does an opening gesture with his arms, like a proud baker showing off their completed wedding cake, along with a dramatic spin incorporating his thin, white, flowy cape. Reaching the pre-chorus, we get to see the room more clearly, like the stone pillars and the contrast of the small, warm lights on the walls to the grand grayness radiating from the large window that makes him appear as a near silhouette. There’s a certain holiness about him spending a count with his head down and arms out, much like the Crucifixion of Christ, before showcasing more of a demonic energy when he faces the window with his body, but bends backward and looks to the camera upside down. He rips off the cape, tosses it behind him, to his right. This could symbolize a transformation, an abandonment of a particularly purer image of oneself, a liberation. The music picks up, and the manner in which he dances is like a visual representation of one’s inner turmoil combined with an agenda to seduce those watching, wanting to dance for himself while taking us along for the ride. Now that the first minute of the video is out of the way, let’s continue.

The music fades into the background and the video takes on a sudden widescreen and grayscale appearance as he falls back on his right hand, flings his left hand over to his right shoulder, as though he’s been shot, and is being supported by his knees. He leans forward, places his right hand on the ground in front of him, uses his left hand to push his right knee over to achieve ideal balance, setting up his body roll. He extends his right leg back, getting close to the ground, and there’s something quite feral, yet intimate about the way he traces the length of his arm with his face and left hand. It looks like he’s taking out his frustrations through his moves while never sacrificing the detailed quality of the performance as a whole. It reminds me of how it’s more than common for artists to use their pain in their art, whether it be a point of well-intentioned expression with a specific purpose or simply an outlet for them to channel into. Hyunjin is the definition of aggressive elegance. The fullscreen, colorful display and music entirely return when he spins and lands on the ground in a Spider- Man esc pose, the room a lot warmer than even before the stylistic grayscale section. There’s hints of red, acting as a match that’s set to illuminate and ignite the puddle of gasoline that is him and his performance, that replaces the once colder, icy blue that previously enveloped his silhouette. He bounces to the beat showing off his proud, devilish smile that, instead of striking fear, makes me feel proud, as I’m essentially rooting for the villain in the movie. If the transition to the grayscale widescreen was him getting shot, then the transition back to fullscreen color is him emerging from his grave, an awakening. His shirt is no longer neatly tucked into his pants, but rather, hanging very loosely and mostly unbuttoned. He covers his face with his left hand, pulling it down for just a second before revealing his expression that has swiftly reverted to a roughly indifferent one. The inner conflict has greatly subsided, and focuses on the hesitant-free embracing of his newly discovered self, one of immense confidence and sex-appeal. Although, something about the flow of how he averts his gaze, looking to the left and not the lense, while pointing and doing body rolls at the camera, covers his eyes with crossed arms, and then allows for his hair to cover his eyes as well, makes me feel like he doesn’t want the viewer to know he is still at least a little bit shy. He quickly makes you forget though, because the next and final minute exaggerates everything he’s shown us up until this point, taking it to a whole new, spectacular level.

The bridge of the song creates a slower, softer atmosphere, which is beautifully interpreted with how Hyunjin carries himself during this part. Bigger gestures that blend into each other seamlessly, centering on really taking up the space he’s in. He gently and precisely lowers his body to the floor, collecting a white rose between his teeth. As soon as he returns to his upright stature, the setting changes dramatically. His hair now completely down, he’s under a spotlight in an otherwise pitch black and foggy room. There’s blue and red light reflecting off of his white top and his skin as he dances. This part feels more humane compared to the rest, with more of an obvious balance between sharp, impactful moves and tender, compassionate ones. He draws attention to his shoulders, brings his hands and feet close to his body, and showcases his red lit back. I particularly enjoy when he flicks his wrists and twists his ankles to the right in unison on the second syllable of “unstoppable”. For the “legendary animal” part of that line, his arms create a cage-like structure by doing a climbing motion and carrying it over all the way to the left. A cage in which he destroys the walls and breaks out of, shown by him punching downward on beat. From holding the rose in his mouth to holding it in his hand, he brings it over his head to his left shoulder, and raises his heels. He carries the rose down and around his left arm, his left arm momentarily resting at his waist, his right arm extended downward, he raises his heels again. His whole body lowers as a rigid wave starts at his up flicked wrists and subsequently elbows and shoulders. This collection of gestures results in petals falling off of the rose. He then inevitably throws it into the void, out of the reach of the lovely spotlight. I see this spotlight dance as a danse macabre, or dance of death. The white ribbon, white shirt, and white rose all coming together to illustrate this innocent and pure quality to him, that through this dance, he finalizes the renouncement of. He is more than ready to embrace a new and different side of him, but especially to get rid of the older and repetitive side that felt restrictive more than anything. The spotlight dance ends with Hyunjin looking directly into the camera, tracing his right hand down his chest and to his side, and the camera backing away. The last chorus of the song brings us back to the oh so familiar main room, Hyunjin’s hair back to being tied up, the lighting is the same, but there’s something that stands out. His shirt is on the verge of being completely unbuttoned and that allows for something alluringly shiny to be fully in view compared to before. The video comes full circle with Hyunjin’s hand around his neck, he stands in the hallway, and walks away a new man as the screen fades to black. 

As I wrap up this essay on Hyunjin’s “Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)”, original song by Sam Tinnesz, Stray Kids: SKZ-PLAYER, the video has reached six million views, a million more than when I first started writing this, and I feel proud to have spent a day simply pouring my heart and mind out on this wordy display of my appreciation. Don’t be fooled though, for my necessary research, I guess you could call it, for this project may no longer be so necessary, I shall continue to watch and applaud the masterpiece and experience that is this video for my own personal enjoyment, much like how this whole piece was written for my own personal enjoyment. It was an interesting challenge to properly voice not only the contents of the video but also my thoughts and feelings on it. Hyunjin is a highly valued dancer, member of Stray Kids, and person and five pages isn’t ever going to be enough to fully explain the respect and admiration I feel for him and his various projects. I think he’s really cool, I experience all sorts of fiery euphoria watching him dance, his rap and singing alike are addictive as hell, and he’s pretty, haha. I missed him a lot while he was inactive, and I’m so happy to have him back and doing great things as per usual. I’m excited to see what he and the rest of the group have left to show us this year. I advise you to watch the video if you haven’t, but somehow ended up reading an essay on it first, and if you’ve already seen it, watch it again, yeah. I’ll leave you with lovely thoughts and lovely vibes and I hope you too can appreciate the work he’s put into the video, as well as my work on this essay. Thank you for taking the time to read my love letter, essentially, and bye for now ^ ^