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I don't know what teenager needs to hear this but the people telling you constantly that you have all this pressure on you to succeed and that what you do with your life now can fuck up the entire rest of your life forever are wrong. The only ones with the power to do that are your parents
#/hj I WISH THIS WAS FULLY A JOKE but unironically parents have way too much control over their kids#and also grades and attendance and perfection be damned. sure there may be specific goals you have#and things you dont do now might set you back a bit later but theyre probably not going to ruin your life#dropping out isnt a huge deal. waiting to go to college isnt a huge deal#what matters the most (genuinely from both a success and happiness perspective) is the people you keep close to you#i also think most of you are probably unsure of what you want at that age. and thats fine!#dont let other people tell you you have to work super hard now to achieve *their* dreams for you#you don't#(by 'what you want' i mean career-wise. you know you best- if you dont know what you want it will be obvious to you rhat you dont know)#(meaning like i dont have to tell you 'you dont know what you want' cause if you dont know youll have figured that out by now)
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obviously i am infinitely grateful to be in a position where i've found people who will vouch for me to get me the help i need for work/school related things
but also boy can i still be so so anxious
theres an added pressure when the ppl are like "oh yeah we can help with the financials" and they're talking about school and in the moment you're like "that sounds great!"
and then you get home and the anxiety hits you like a freight train like "waitwait can we slow down i haven't even addressed my academic trauma with my psych yetâ"
currently i've just been waiting to get an email from ppl to help with like career exploration and education and it's been long enough that i've had time to be even more panicked. long enough to email the counselor to make sure this wait time is normal. long enough for me to wonder if the other ppl dropped my case cuz it was already a pain and a half to get someone who didnt just hear adhd and picture the high function stereotype that we are only ever presented as.
im just. hhhhhh. i really just wanted to learn how jobs work and how to communicate and access accommodations but also i will never have the opportunity to receive this kinda help for schooling ever again and hhhhhhh
#im so#its so#god#big vent lol#i guess this stuff will be what the career exploration meeting is FOR#but idk#my experience with school has been better and im doing better since then#but fucking fumbling the ball when youre being so assisted by a third party#like she said my case closes once ive graduated and am working in that field thus having achieved my goal#and fuck dude#all the academic trauma i have and u tell me that#i think about it and i cant breathe hahah#personal#sea rambles
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HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025
As we bid farewell to the past year and embrace the dawn of 2025, it's time to reflect on the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead. The start of a new year is a chance for fresh beginnings, setting goals, and making positive changes in our lives. Let's explore what the year 2025 has in store for us.
What Trends Will Shape 2025?
In the year 2025, we can expect to see significant advancements in technology, healthcare, sustainability, and more. With the rise of artificial intelligence, the Internet of Things, and renewable energy sources, the world is poised for a transformative year ahead. According to experts, the global economy is projected to grow by X% in 2025, driven by innovation and digitalization.
How Can You Make the Most of 2025?
To make the most of the opportunities that 2025 presents, it's essential to set clear goals, prioritize self-care, and stay adaptable in the face of change. Whether you're looking to advance your career, improve your health, or deepen your relationships, the key is to take proactive steps towards your aspirations. Studies show that people who set specific goals are X% more likely to achieve success compared to those who don't.
What Challenges Might Arise in 2025?
While the new year brings promise and excitement, it also comes with its own set of challenges. From geopolitical tensions to environmental concerns, individuals and communities will need to navigate various obstacles in 2025. It's crucial to stay informed, resilient, and proactive in addressing these challenges to create a better future for all.
How Can You Stay Positive and Resilient in 2025?
Staying positive and resilient in the face of adversity is key to thriving in 2025. Practicing mindfulness, cultivating a strong support network, and focusing on gratitude can help boost mental well-being and emotional resilience. Research shows that individuals who practice gratitude daily experience a X% increase in overall happiness and well-being.
As we embark on this new chapter, let's embrace the opportunities, overcome the challenges, and strive for a brighter future in 2025. Wishing you a happy and prosperous new year!
Welcome to a brand new year, full of endless possibilities and opportunities! As we step into 2025, it's the perfect time to reflect on the past year and set intentions for the year ahead. Whether you're looking to make big changes or simply want to embrace a fresh start, the new year is the perfect time to do so.
Setting Meaningful Goals
One of the best ways to kick off the new year is by setting meaningful goals for yourself. Take some time to think about what you want to achieve in the coming months and create a plan to make it happen. Whether it's focusing on personal growth, improving your health, or advancing in your career, setting goals can help you stay motivated and focused throughout the year.
Embracing Positive Changes
2025 is a blank canvas waiting to be filled with positive changes and new experiences. Embrace the opportunity to try new things, step out of your comfort zone, and challenge yourself to grow. Whether it's picking up a new hobby, traveling to a new destination, or making new friends, the new year is the perfect time to embrace change and welcome new opportunities into your life.
Practicing Gratitude
As you embark on this new year, don't forget to practice gratitude for all the blessings in your life. Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for, whether it's your health, your loved ones, or the simple joys in life. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude can help you stay positive and focused on the good, even during challenging times.
Spreading Kindness
One of the best ways to make the world a better place in 2025 is by spreading kindness wherever you go. Whether it's a small act of kindness towards a stranger, volunteering in your community, or simply being there for a friend in need, every act of kindness has the power to make a difference. Let's make 2025 a year filled with compassion, empathy, and generosity towards others.
As you embark on this new year, remember that the possibilities are endless and the future is bright. Embrace the opportunities that come your way, stay true to yourself, and make 2025 a year to remember. Happy New Year!
#As we bid farewell to the past year and embrace the dawn of 2025#it's time to reflect on the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead. The start of a new year is a chance for fresh beginnings#setting goals#and making positive changes in our lives. Let's explore what the year 2025 has in store for us.#What Trends Will Shape 2025?#In the year 2025#we can expect to see significant advancements in technology#healthcare#sustainability#and more. With the rise of artificial intelligence#the Internet of Things#and renewable energy sources#the world is poised for a transformative year ahead. According to experts#the global economy is projected to grow by X% in 2025#driven by innovation and digitalization.#How Can You Make the Most of 2025?#To make the most of the opportunities that 2025 presents#it's essential to set clear goals#prioritize self-care#and stay adaptable in the face of change. Whether you're looking to advance your career#improve your health#or deepen your relationships#the key is to take proactive steps towards your aspirations. Studies show that people who set specific goals are X% more likely to achieve#What Challenges Might Arise in 2025?#While the new year brings promise and excitement#it also comes with its own set of challenges. From geopolitical tensions to environmental concerns#individuals and communities will need to navigate various obstacles in 2025. It's crucial to stay informed#resilient#and proactive in addressing these challenges to create a better future for all.#How Can You Stay Positive and Resilient in 2025?
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#workplace personality test#insights#about yourself#psychometric test#who you are report#career progress#career advancement#achieve your goals#find your purpose#know your best self#increase your confidence#upskill your team#the most liked
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4 ONE-MINUTE Habits That Save Me 20+ Hours a Week: Time Management For Busy People
In our busy lives, a few hours a week means time for a date or a few hours of self-love pruning in the bath, so imagine what you could do with 10, 20 or even more extra time each week. 𤯠Well, from reading some of the best time management books out there, these are my top 4 quick habits to efficiently manage your time, which save me hours each week đ They are simple but hugely effectiveâŚ
#apple#Balanced Lifestyle#Career Tips#Daily Habits#Digital Productivity#Effective Planning#Efficiency Tips#Entrepreneur Life#Focus and Flow#gadget lovers#gear#goal achievement#goal setting#habit formation#healthy habits#High Performance#huawei#ipad#laptop#Leadership Skills#life hacks#Maximize Your Time#mental clarity#Mindful Living#Motivation Techniques#Multitasking#personal growth#productivity hacks#productivity tools#Professional Development
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.."But" Its...
#This post may contain affiliate links Consistency in a nutshell is being able to show productivity, growth, endurance. In our daily habits we can create ways to build our strengths and weaknesses through consistency. When we use our time effectively, our ability to understand what we do is strengthened. As we build on our lifeâs goals we are able to identify more and more what may be problemsâŚ
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#achieving your goals#finding your passion#fixed mindset#goal oriented#guided therapy#how to build a successful career#how to change your career#mental adaption#mindset#put to the test#self development#self help therapy#successful career#trial and error
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When you don't have enough reasons to go on, Use excuses to NOT give up.
Get addicted to your dreams.
Ebook
Audiobook
#personal development#career growth#goals#achievements#the pilot of your life#ebook#audiobook#ebook on-sale#audiobook on-sale
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I have had these thoughts bubbling away in my head for like...eighteen months or so now (it will become very obvious why shortly) but the discussion in this post has pushed me to write them down: I think societally we HUGELY underestimate how motherhood for primary caregivers, particularly first-time motherhood, can be a source of vulnerability to radicalisation.
There is obviously huge cultural variance here, but for a lot of cis women becoming primary caregiver to an infant in a capitalist Western society represents a time of immense vulnerability because in general you are:
Incredibly sleep-deprived (which has well-documented knock-on effects for your judgement, mental health, etc)
If you gave birth, recovering from a significant challenge to your physical health (even in the best-case scenario)
Isolated from your previous networks and communities of people in full-time work
Completely separated from the context of your prior career goals and achievements
Under huge amounts of stress to learn how to care for an infant (don't get me started on breastfeeding)
And on top of this, you are also be experiencing a huge amount of messaging about how all this is natural, wonderful, something you're meant to do, something you should love doing, and something that you must do for the welfare of their child. It's a huge amount of pressure and life change even when everything goes right and there's very little cultural space to express negative feelings about it.
Any group of people who offer community, support, and affirmation to cis women in this situation are going to have a really good shot at radicalising them into some very weird and dangerous headspaces and in fact we see this happen all the time - think antivaxxers and TERFs. It flies under the radar because of the hazy positive glow that associates with motherhood and babies and also because we don't take the radicalisation of women seriously I guess because they rarely shoot anybody, but...yeah. It is such a vulnerable time!
#people who do not see themselves in the cishetero stereotype#are obviously going to have some separation from this & therefore protection#full confession: obviously in the last year and a half I have done a LOT of midnight Googling about Baby Things#and you know what. very often the top hits are Mumsnet forum threads#which...often contain useful and sympathetic advice#I can so easily see how people get sucked into that#they're not getting people with TERFy shit they're getting them with 'tips for getting your four month old to nap better'#which is the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD when your kid is four months old#and then the TERFy nonsense presumably comes later#because that's how radicalisation works
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take yourself seriously. every inch of you. every dream of yours. every damn thing.
this isnât just a pep talk; itâs a full-on life shift. if youâre not taking yourself seriously, no one else will either. iâm actually kinda irritated how us women in general donât value ourselves enough cause bitch itâs a privilege to have a woman in your life like please, we have the power to create a life inside our bodies so best believe we also have the power to change our entire lives. itâs you versus you, babe, and itâs time to step into the main character role youâve been putting off. hereâs how you shift the vibe:
1. start by loving yourself to the fullest
every single inch of you deserves to be loved and respected by you. you want someone to love you? you want people to respect you? start by loving and respecting yourself first. how you treat yourself sets the tone for how others treat you. the mirror wonât smile unless you do. seriously like whatâs stopping you from loving, cherishing and prioritising yourself? itâs your body, mind and soul ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE UTMOST CARE OF IT.
take your body seriously. work out, not because society says so, but because your body carries you through this world. strengthen it, nourish it, adore it.
do workout, stretching and yoga to strengthen your body. eat good quality food, healthy food to nourish your body and speak words of affirmation to adore that work of art aka your body. cause why the fuck not? go to a dermatologist, gynaecologist, dentist etc get your check ups done become the most hottest version of yourself. this will keep you strong and healthy ensuring a healthy and fulfilling long life while achieving your body, beauty and physical goals would be just an added benefit (the best possible benefit is your body will thank you when youâre old cause all this workout, yoga regular check ups led you to age like a fine wine without any health concerns)
take your appearance seriously. itâs not about vanity itâs about self-expression and confidence. dress like you care, because you should care. look in the mirror and know youâre that bitch.
do yourself a favour and stop following trends and start becoming more you, pro tip start wearing clothes and makeup according to your venus, rising or mid heaven to suit you better, take your skin care, body care, hair care seriously too. take your time to understand your style, your self care routine. understand your body type, face shape and get clothes that suit you, understand your skin and get skin care that suit you and your skin concerns, understand your hair type and develop a great hair care routine too. do you colour analysis and understand which colour palette suit you the best. START TAKING YOUR APPEARANCE SERIOUSLY.
do your colour analysis done for free with the help of chat gpt
understand your body shape and proportions to dress accordingly
figure out your face shape and get your haircut, eyebrows, eyelashes done accordingly (even getting the best shades or reading glasses)
understand your hair porosity and hair type (even your scalp type) and your hair issues to buy hair products accordingly
understand your skin type and issues youâre facing to buy skin care products accordingly
understand you body too, sometimes you face is oily type but body is dry (like me) so different products
experiment and see what suits you over time (another reason to start using journal, check if certain products are actually showing results if not replace) even certain workouts
2. take your goals seriously
whatever you want to achieve, treat it like your lifeâs purpose, because it is. no one else will believe in your dreams until you do. stop waiting for validation from the outside.
take your career seriously. what are you doing every day to move the needle forward? no more procrastinating or making excuses. schedule your time. commit to your craft.
become the best at everything you do, dedicate time to becoming better everyday single day. become addicted to getting better becoming the top 1% develop a mindset of getting better everyday single day. keep developing your crafts your passion and practice daily
take your learning seriously. every book, every lesson, every skill itâs building the future version of you. treat your studies, hobbies, and passions like theyâre sacred, because they are.
one thing that iâm doing these days is taking my learning seriously, be it academic and school stuff but also watching youtube videos on manifestation and learning better my top recommendation for understanding manifestation better is this channel called nero knowledge. now the thing all of his videos are long videos surpassing 30 mins average easily but thatâs one way up putting it iâm trying to get my attention iâve lost to short term 1-2 mins content back (and you should do it too) learn new skills, cooking, baking, new language, or whatever seriously why? cause this will help you get better as a human and as a player in the game of life. no skill is a waste or not that great like someone told âcooking is not that great of a skillâ but guess what it is. you can use this skill to feed yourself but also this is such a flex skill itâs a patriarchal world unfortunately and just because we as women hate it doesnât mean the patriarchy will go away. knowing how to cook is a survival skill which is important for both the genders but for some weird reason when women do it itâs âhotâ and â domesticâ so letâs just use this skill to use and throw men and society in general. similarly drawing is a skill that you can use to show off too. skills is not just about learning language or coding etc
3. curate your reality like itâs your personal museum
your life is your masterpiece. everything you consume; what you eat, what you watch, what you listen to, who you hang around is shaping your reality. be intentional about it.
⢠what are you watching? is it inspiring you or draining you? binge less nonsense and more content that pushes you to grow.
again, if you havenât made your mindmovie, please make it. ask chatgpt to make you a beautiful story where you have everything you desire and read it every single day. listen to subliminals. watch long form educational content like nero knowledge. be very intentional with whatever put in your brain. iâm not even kidding. your brain will shape your reality, so be very intentional. with whatever things you say to it, movies you watch, songs you listen to. everything. also be very intentional with your friends and people you surround yourself with because they can also influence you a lot. you are the average of five people you spend your most time with so be very fucking intentional.
⢠what are you eating? fuel your body like you care about living long enough to see your dreams come true.
as i mentioned earlier, eat your food intentionally and eat your food. if youâre planning to lose weight, eat food accordingly, if youâre planning to gain weight, eat food accordingly. (make a meal plan and get a nutritionist too if needed) if youâre like me who wants to become a singer, stop eating ice cream and stuff that will affect your throat. eat your food like your medicine or you have to eat medicine as your food. be intentional with your food as well. donât eat unhygienic food either eat home-cooked food. and if youâre eating outside, make sure that the food is hygienic and the ingredients are also good quality being very mindful with whatever the heck you are putting in your body my love. ďżź
⢠who are you around? energy is contagious, babe. surround yourself with people who make you want to level up, not stay stagnant.
iâm not saying, cut off all your friends. but iâm saying that distance yourself at least with people who are not ready to grow. people who are way too comfortable in their own comfort zone. and people who are not ready to see anyone else grow. people who constantly put other people down. and people who try to undermine you. be friends with people who want to grow. if you are at a certain level get friends who are also at your level, but are willing to change. or get friends how are at higher level than you who can help you grow too. and is that means you have to cut ties with your old friends itâs okay
4. respect yourself enough to show up
itâs not about perfection; itâs about consistency. every single day is a new chance to prove to yourself that youâre worth the effort.
⢠wake up earlier. give yourself time to breathe and plan before the world starts pulling you in every direction.
half of the game is literally to show up every single day. most of us fail to do so. consistency is what matters the most. so show up every single day respect yourself. donât disrespect yourself by showing that âoh i am just a lazy bitch.â no, youâre not. respect yourself enough to show up every single day. for example you respect your professor and that is why no matter how drained you are, you will still show up to the class or at least hand in the work on time because you know that professor have the power to deduct or increase your marks just like that in your life, the professor is all your goals and in order to please this professor (goals) you need to show up every fucking day so that the professor aka your goals, give you the results that you want ďżź
⢠set boundaries. protect your peace. say no to what drains you, and hell yes to what fuels you.
respect yourself enough to set boundaries and protect your peace, no matter what. this is actually the very first step of levelling up and i have mentioned this in the first steps. have enough courage to say no to things, people and circumstances that are not aligned with who you wanna be and the goals you have. for example, if a friend asks you that or do you wanna drink? say no. especially if youâre like me, and you wanna become a singer, alcohol damage your vocal chords, and i cannot take that risk. start saying no to plans that do not align with your goals and the person you are trying to become. itâs a way of showing respect to the person youâre trying to be. again if your show respect to the person youâre tryna become or the reality your chasing you will not have it, your actions and beliefs should be in alignment with the reality you seek
⢠prioritize self-care like itâs non-negotiable. rest, hydrate, and treat yourself kindly.
again iâve mentioned this earlier too in the first steps so please read that, no matter how much you train and hustle you need to give yourself enough time to recover even athletes do this after intense training, they do spend some time recovering so that they muscles and overall stamina get used to everything. if youâre only working like a robot and you refuse to give yourself time to rest, itâs not gonna work. moreover, itâs not healthy. give yourself time to rest. hydrate and do self-care. treat yourself, kindly. as i mentioned in my become your own mother blog. you have to become a mother to your own self, who says. âi want you to work hard, because you deserve a better lifeâ but also a mother who says âyou should rest and take some moment to relax because youâve worked hard and you deserve itâ itâs all about balance. even in my game of life blog, i mention fun and recreation category, because having fun and treating yourself kindly, relaxing all these things matter too. because you just canât keep on working and not have fun and relax in your life. thatâs not how i want you to live this life. i want you to hustle hard and the party even harder.
5. start dating yourself
no, seriously. treat yourself like the love of your life.
⢠take yourself on solo dates. dress up, and go somewhere that makes you happy.
ask yourself, when youâre in love with someone what do you do? you try to become better to get their attention (my sister aka me changed her entire music taste to get validation from this guy, yeah i know embarrassing) but seriously you take care of the way you dress, what you post on social media, your words etc. so now put that same âim obsessed with youâ energy towards yourself. workout get a better physique FOR YOU, better your conversation skills FOR YOU, score good marks FOR YOU, become rich FOR YOU.
⢠journal your thoughts and dreams like youâre getting to know someone deeply because you are.
start journaling, shadow working etc to understand yourself better cause thatâs exactly what youâd do if youâre the love of your life, understanding yourself your flaws, your dark side, your patterns, your attachment style etc why? cause you love yourself. do scrap book journaling to honour your life. paste photos of your achievements etc (iâll make a post about my journals too) but yâall got the idea. start journaling you thoughts and feelings, you donât need a âhow was your day?â text to write about your day in your journal
⢠spoil yourself. donât wait for someone else to buy you flowers or treat you to nice things. do it for yourself.
stop letting life happen to you, go live your life yourself, go audition alone, go start a business alone do things alone and be okay with that, if you do have a friend who is in this journey of growth with you together thatâs great but please donât wait for a man or a friend to start living your life be okay with doing with on your own and as well as in a group
6. heal for the little you inside
your inner child is still here, waiting for you to show her the love and care she deserved
just read become your own mother. i have explained this topic in detail. but seriously, one way to honour yourself is to honour your inner child too
7. your energy will mirror back to you
the way you treat yourself is the way the world will treat you.
⢠if you neglect yourself, people will neglect you.
it starts with you, babe. how you show up for yourself sets the standard for how others show up for you. if you donât take your boundaries seriously no one else will. if youâre not putting effort in showing up for yourself no one else will, that is why one way to manifest your dream life (your dream reality) is by wearing what your alter ego (your higher self would wear) i have written about alter ego in first steps and the game of life so read it if youâre new here
⢠if you donât respect yourself, people will disrespect you.
as awful it may sound, but you have to earn your respect. why do you think your professors will take you seriously? if you donât score good marks itâs not like they will treat you like a piece of shit, but they wonât take your opinion seriously because you havenât improved yourself enough for that yet iâm not even kidding. if you really wanna be heard, you have to do something that is remarkable. i know itâs a hard to swallow and it might feel like what the heck?. everyone should deserve respect equally. and thatâs true. i agree with you. i personally would never look down on someone just because he or she havenât done something remarkable, or they arenât as rich or pretty. i would never do that, but that is not the same case with how society thinks if you wanna step up, you have to do things and show the world that: yes, i am capable. for that, you have to respect yourself enough to take the first step in order to achieve greatness. and then people would respect you more because the energy youâre putting will mirror back to you.
⢠if you donât take your dreams seriously, no one else will.
i mean, seriously, just start taking your dreams, seriously. no one else will take your life, your dream, your looks, your income, seriously, if you donât. itâs not like other people owe you success. you have to do that. you have to become your own knight in the shining armour. and change your life completely. because if youâre not taking your dream, seriously, why will anyone? you have to take initiative. you have put yourself up there. and get that bag. ďżź
8. stop waiting for permission
you donât need someone to tell you itâs okay to go after your dreams. you donât need a cheerleader to remind you that youâre worthy. you have to affirm it to yourself, every single day: âi am capable. i am worthy. i am doing this.â
⢠stop hesitating. the perfect moment will never come. just start.
for example, i want to become a singer. but that doesnât mean that i will wait for a label to notice me and change my life upside down. no, i will start making covers. i will start practising my craft, i will email managers and people in that field to notice me because itâs on me. i have to do that. iâll have to do the research and look up for any audition. and by the time, i am gifted with a perfect moment or opportunity i will be ready to snatch that opportunity because i kept on levelling up my skills, so when the opportunity comes, i will be more than qualified for it. ďżź
⢠donât wait for external validation. be your own biggest hype squad.
there are gonna be days. no one is gonna hype you up, and you have to do that. actually, you have to do that every single day. if you wake up early and get your morning routine done give yourself a pat on the back every. single. day. tell yourself, âiâm so proud of myself.â you studied for three hours? give yourself a pat on the back. like come on, if no one else gonna appreciate you, you can! you can appreciate yourself every. single. day. and yes, every single day, iâm not exaggerating. i want you to keep on hyping yourself up every fucking day. and iâll keep hyping you up too because i love yâall
9. get 1-2% better every day
you donât need to overhaul your entire life overnight. just focus on being a tiny bit better than you were yesterday.
⢠drank one more glass of water? better.
⢠walked an extra block? better.
⢠studied for an hour extra? better.
those small wins add up, babe. before you know it, youâll look back and barely recognize the person you used to be. itâs me vs me
10. make yourself proud
this is your life. your story. your masterpiece. stop living like youâre a side character and start owning the spotlight.
⢠take yourself seriously because youâre worth it.
i think i have explained this quite a number of times throughout the blog. but Iâll say it again. take yourself seriously. take your thoughts seriously. take your mental health seriously. take your body seriously. take your mind seriously, your spiritual beliefs seriously, your presence seriously, your ideas seriously every single thing i mean it every single thing seriously and get rid of anything that is trying to come between you and your goals (your dream life)
⢠work for your inner child, your future self, and the person youâre becoming.
be intentional with everything you do, the people you hang out with if the same people have hurt you or youâre inner child get rid of them. if these people will affect your future and your future self, basically, the person youâre trying to become get rid of them. similarly, if a thing or particular circumstance is affecting you, please get rid of those things. be intentional with how you talk to yourself and the things you listen, to the videos you watch, the food you eat, the songs you listen to, all of them should align with the person youâre trying to become. start aligning yourself in the same frequency as your dream self i.e your future self by wearing clothes that she might wear, by talking and watching videos that she might watch and basically embody her habits, believes and mindset. while doing all this, keep working on your shadow self (do shadow work) and healing your inner child simultaneously. (healing is a daily practice)
⢠every single thing you do for yourself now is setting the foundation for the empire youâre building.
also, the same thing be intentional with whatever youâre doing. if you wanna become a millionaire, your habit should look like one. if you are trying to become a good person, a loving person, your habits should look like one. If youâre trying to become a singer, your habits should look like one. Itâs all in what we do daily and our habits literally.
if you want to join me on this journey of becoming my higher self. please comment, like, reblog, and follow let's embrace the glow of together.
#dream life#empowerment#girlblogging#levelling up#manifestation#manifesting#aesthetic#flowers#love#innerstrength#inner child#inner peace#higher self#self care#alter ego#it girl#becoming that girl#that girl#so damn sexy#becoming her#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#tumblr girls#just girlboss things#witch#witchcraft#becoming the best version of yourself#witchblr#dream lifestyle#dream#pink pilates princess
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How many of you have plans for your future? Do you have a career that you're working towards, and goals you hope to achieve? Do you have younger members of your family that you hope to see grow up safe? Do you want to start a family of your own?
Even if you're not sure about your future, the knowledge that you will have one is a privilege many of us take for granted. Amidst a violent occupation, Palestinians have tried to build futures and lives for themselves, and have been very successful. But recently, many people have found it hard to hold onto their dreams as their home is destroyed all around them, and their pleading with the world to help them falls on apathetic ears.
The fundraisers that you see shared on here are these families lifelines, but recently I've noticed that people have completely stopped caring about them. This is not normal and it's not okay!! If you are exhausted, I need you to consider how exhausting it is to live through it! Every fundraiser you see is a real person. These are not just games of getting numbers to go higher. These are people's hopes of survival, hopes for the future, hopes for their children.The way you react to these campaigns has a real effect on these people, has a real effect on their ability to believe in a better future and hold onto hope.
Your alliance with the Palestinian people has to be material and concrete. My friend Dina has been struggling severely to see a future for her children as her campaign goes ignored and her pleas for help are met with silence. Her children won't survive on your well wishes, they need actual help. Please don't stand idly by while this genocide continues. You may have seen the horrific crimes occurring every day in Gaza but you haven't seen how my friend fears for her and her children's lives every time a new horror occurs. Only you, through your support and care, can restore her hope for the future.
verification
$15,376 / $50,000
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No because, Art is a mediocre tennis player with 6 grand slams who knows that at some level he has only got them because Tashi has pushed him and coached him to that level of excellence. At the same time he feels responsible for living a career for both of them while knowing that if Patrick hadn't fucked things up he wouldn't have ever achieved what he did.Patrick has oodles of talent but has to deal with the fact that despite winning Tashi fairly he lost her due to his pride. You know he's thinking that 'if she was my coach I would have double the number of grand slams that Art does'. But if Tashi hadn't had that injury that day would either of them even have had the chance to have her as their coach? No. Both he and Art would have faded into mediocrity but probably remained friends despite it all. And don't get me started on Tashi. She knows that if it wasn't for her injury she would have probably won 15 grand slams by now and would never have considered stopping but she's reduced to just being the wife! Just being the coach! Just being content with being a hot girl who will be won by the guy who plays the best tennis!! And she has to somehow make herself feel okay with that. So no. She can't genuinely be okay with Art stopping but at the end of the day it's not her decision to make because he's the professional tennis player not her. It's not just about one of them winning or the sacrifice it takes. It's about disappointment, bitterness, the underlying inferiority complex, being manipulative enough to achieve your goals through different means and the inherent homoeroticism of having a best friend from the age of 12 who is the only one worth beating for you after playing 13 years of tennis. Anyway I'm chewing on glass rn. Challengers you'll always be famous
#challengers#challengers spoilers#tashi duncan#art donaldson#patrick zweig#no you don't understand#it's very very dear to me#it's about the disappointments and loss!#it's about the discomfort of the choices you've made#it's about the underlying bitterness and jealousy#the love that was there but didn't change anything because the only thing that matters is winning
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AGAINST THE TIDES â P.SH
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d19c3d55bc4325446b0ed94dff7de2f2/c49637e1414f6fc4-99/s540x810/4869c59e74f6ac2e66c1774de4f2ba5a7de559f4.jpg)
SYNOPSIS: Growing up, youâve only had one best friend that you would call your family. Park Sunghoon. He was your partner in crime, your best friend, your ride or die, he was everything. You and him did almost anything and everything together, practically attached to the hip, and that included swimming too. As years passed, you and him both turned out to be outstanding swimmers that had a promising career ahead. All was well until one unforgettable day that broke your lifelong friendship, turning it into anger and hatred instead. With the Olympics coming up, you had unexpected news about Sunghoon joining your team. Worst of all, you had to work alongside him for the mixed medley relay event. One dream, one goal, a childhood wish you and him shared, will that be successfully achieved when you and him could barely bear standing next to each other?
PAIRINGS: pro-swimmer!sunghoon x pro-swimmer!afab!reader
GENRE: childhood friends to enemies to lovers, sports au, angst, romance, slow burn, forced proximity
WARNING(S): mentions of drinking/alcohol, profanities, (lots of) miscommunication
WC: 28k
PLAYLIST: suburban legends by taylor swift, heartburn by wafia
AUTHOR'S NOTE: after 4 months of not posting, i've vomited out 28k for y'all! i hope you guys will like this one and do forgive me for my lack of swimming knowledge helpp, i tried with my years of swimming! please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx
masterlist | Š jaylver 2024 all rights reserved
Was it possible to wake up from a dream that happened to be your reality?
Standing in the national aquatics training centre, the swimming pool where you've practically resided was glistening under the bright lights. Contrary to them, you were anything but bright, a sudden dread befalling your expressions.
Coming into your first day of the three months long and last training before the Olympics, you were anticipating for it to be a peaceful, fun day that would end with your muscles aching. However, the moment you stepped onto the training ground, being the first to reach, your coach had already decided to break a rather dreadful news.Â
"Come on, Y/N, it's nothing too bad," Jeon Jungkook, your young coach that retired early from competing and also the reason for your countless success, was trying his best to reassure you. It wasn't working.
"Not 'too bad'? Being in the same national team with him is already a sight for sore eyes to me. Now you're telling me I have to train with him under you? Together?"Â
Your coach was rubbing the side of his head, the early morning and the shrillness of your voice wasn't a favourable pairing to him. "I'm sorry, Y/N, but if it wasn't for Yeonjun's sudden injury, he wouldn't have to be replaced for the mixed relay,"Â
"Well, if only he didn't get drunk and fell off his bike," you muttered under your breath, never once taking account that this would be the consequences you were suffering from his actions. That was until this moment.Â
There came a sigh coming from Jungkook, his arms were crossed and he was resting his weight on one leg. "I know you and him don't get along, but I've discussed this with Coach Kim and we thought that if I replaced Yeonjun with him, it's the best decision. Plus, both of you are Olympic medallists, having two star swimmers in a team isn't all that bad,"
You were silent, stubbornly keeping quiet at the fact that you knew he was right. Of course he was, he's been your coach for years, he has his ways of choosing his words correctly when it comes to you. He knew of your drive to win, the hunger to win gold and nothing else. With a cold, hard fact that Jungkook had slapped onto your face, you had no choice but to consider and forcefully accept.
"You two have history together. Years of history. There's chemistry whether or not you like it. Period," Jungkook waved his arms around, smiling at you as if trying his best to make you feel better. "There's one thing you can't deny. Winning. When there's winners, you mix them together, then what do you get? Medals,
"So, I'm begging you, Y/N. Put up with Park Sunghoon for a few months, another few rounds at the Olympics, then we're done, he'll be back at Coach Kim. Alright?"
"Butâ"
"End of discussion. Go change up, I'm sure the others will be here soon, including Sunghoon, so you better not throw a tantrum," he pointed his finger at you, wagging it at you accusingly to which you responded with a discreet eye roll.
"Yes, coach."
Even in the locker, you found yourself mulling about at the thought of training with Park Sunghoon again. That name itself has sent you waves of chills countless times.
Park Sunghoon was your childhood friend. Having been your neighbour since birth, your mothers were naturally the reason why you were even friends in the first place. You were barely five when your mother placed you in the local swim club for training, then not long after, Sunghoon joined too.
Your lives mainly revolved around two things. Swimming and each other. Basically, you and him were inseparable. You shared the same coach as him even after entering your teen years. Whether it was the swim club or the youth national team, there was nothing anyone could do to separate you and him in terms of swimming or every aspect in general. Hell, you and him both specialised in the same stroke as well, breaking out into the scene to be the best prospects, earning a reputation for yourselves swiftly. Your friendship itself was known by all too. 'Star swimmers', that was what people called you and Sunghoon.
That was until a particular Wednesday in 2018 that made your nearly sixteen years of friendship with him crumble into ashes.Â
"I'm switching coaches. I'm switching clubs."Â
You remembered it clearly. It was just after nine o'clock at night when you were done showering, ready to leave and head home with Sunghoon. Yet, his words echoed in the silence of the training centre then.
"What?"
"I just don't think it's working out,"
"Sunghoonâ" you never once called his full name unless it was a serious situation, "the Youth Olympic games is literally in a week. What are you even saying?"
"I don't want to lose anymore, Y/N. Do you know it feels like working my body till the point of breaking just for me to get beaten by someone better. I need to get better," his composure was breaking, you could tell, the clenched fists by his side was turning white.Â
Your eyes widened at the tone of his voice, but your frown only deepened at his words, nothing was making sense to you. "You're jeopardising the team!"
"I've discussed this with the coaches, I've got permission from the higher ups,"Â
"You're ⌠you're selfish," you said slowly, unable to speak any longer at the shock of his sudden news. "You never bothered to discuss this with me either,"
"I don't need to,"
"So, you're disregarding our friendship altogether? We promised to tell each other everything!"
"Oh, grow up, Y/N. We were six when we said that, this is different. We're different now,"
In that split second was when a hard realisation hit you. He changed. It was almost as if the person that he once was had died overnight, revealing someone new that shared the same physical traits. Was it the results of the last competition you had days ago that made him turn into this? You never knew him losing would've affected him this badly. That was one thing about Sunghoon, he was never outspoken about his feelings and thoughts.
"You're right. You're no longer the person I know."
That was the last time you ever had a conversation with him face-to-face. The change was drastic. One day he was walking home with you and the next he wasn't even in your life, barely acknowledging each other at competitions. It was legendary, but it was momentary. To say it has taken a toll on you was an understatement. If it wasn't for your mother's consolation, you wouldn't have shown up for training and eventually won at the Youth's game.
Six years. Six, long miserable years of ignoring each other.
The year you were called up to the senior national team was the same year that he did too. It was evident that there was tension between you and him, there was no need for a second look for someone to determine that. You knew rumours were bound to fly, it has been ever since your split with him.
You hate to admit that what he did was right too. Since the day he changed coaches and clubs, he has been improving and climbing higher. Gold was the only colour hanging around his neck at almost every competition he was in. Maybe you were the selfish one after all, secretly wishing he never left in the first place because you were scared of losing him. Well, who knew the fear in that moment turned into your instant reality? Seeing his success only made you bite back on your words of calling him selfish.
The first Olympics you attended in Tokyo was an experience to say the least. Winning two silver and one bronze, your hunger for gold only grew bigger. Everyone in the team had expected either you or Sunghoon to bring back the gold medal, but none of you did, and by then, there was an unspoken rivalry that started from the moment people placed their expectations on you and him.
Three years later in the present day, you couldn't believe he was becoming your teammate and training under the same coach again. Crazy how things could change in a blink of an eye, huh? Your main concern, however, wasn't facing Sunghoon, but whether or not he'd fit into the relay team with only three months of training and no prior experience.
"Well, if it isn't the Y/N L/N being the first to arrive as always," The sound of your teammates' heavy footsteps entered the locker room, Yujin's voice in particular echoed through it, entering your sight at once. "How have you been?"
"Great, been living and sleeping in the pool," you snickered sarcastically, patting Yujin's back in greeting. "I heard you took a long break from your club after the championships,"
"I did, and my muscles are dying to touch the water,"
"She caused a lot of ruckus at the club for that," Yunjin joined into the conversation after setting her bags down, nudging her club and national teammate. "I'm glad we're all back, three months and then Paris, isn't that a dream?"
"It definitely is. I can't wait for the Eiffel tower," Yujin smiled with a dazed look, you and Yunjin only exchanged a silent glance at one another.
"Not the gold medal?"
"That too,"
"I see where your priorities lie,"Â
"Whatever," she waved her hand at your response, reaching for her swimsuit. "Anyway, did you hear the news from coach?"
"I did," you wrapped your towel tighter around your body, the cold prickling at your skin now that you were in your swimsuit.Â
"You don't seem very happy," Yunjin pointed out as she changed into her swimwear, it was then when you became aware of the frown on your face. "The guys are excited,"
"I'm trying to be happy," you grumbled. At this point, there was no hiding the previous history you had with him, almost everyone knew about you and him, the star athletes since teen years had suddenly stopped interacting, obviously that would catch people's eyes and turn into gossip.
"Didn't you have some ⌠fallout with him before?"Â
"You know about it?"Â
"Y/N, I hate to say it but the whole nation's swimmers are probably aware of it," Yujin walked up to you and passed your goggles to you. "Word spreads fast even during the youth training camps, but I'm sure there's a reason behind your fall out with him, we won't pry,"
"I'm a little curious though," Yunjin added, throwing her towel around her shoulder, unaware of Yujin's pointed glare at her bluntness.
"It's quite petty really, I'm surprised you never heard it from any of my club teammates," you pressed your lips into a thin line, shifting your stance uneasily. "He wanted to leave the club before a big competition, I mean, I get where he's coming from, but I was hurt that he didn't tell me beforehand. I thought it was unfair, we were friends for so long. We said some hurtful things to each other, and things were never the same after," your heart unknowingly tightened at your inner thoughts about the whole fight, telling the story years after made you reflect on it with regret.Â
"Do you forgive him?"
"If it meant having my best friend back, I would, but I don't know if he feels the same as I do."
Walking out of the locker room took a huge amount of courage and strength for you to not turn around running. The thought of seeing and interacting with Sunghoon pained you to a great level. Not because you hated him, but mainly the awkwardness and tension that was hard to rid.Â
You saw the rest of your teammates by the pool, Anton and Juyeon were too engaged in their conversations to realise Yunjin running up to them with her arms wide open. "Boys!" She engulfed the three men in her arms, startling them and almost had them falling back into the pool.Â
"Gosh, you're never going to stop doing that, aren't you?" Anton patted Yunjin's arm, smiling at his senior as she let go.Â
"Never,"Â
The two men greeted Yujin first before turning their attention to you, straightening their spines and giving you a salute. "Y/N,"
"Hey guys, doing good?" You gave each of their shoulders a pat in greeting, receiving firm nods from them as a response. They took the chance to immediately bombard you with questions about your practices and competitions, sharing their own stories about what they were up to as well.
"Y/N, I heard someone's going to snatch your spot in the mixed relay," Anton, the backstroke swimmer and your mixed relay teammate, was referring to Sunghoon's addition to the team. Your endless worries about Sunghoon becoming your teammate had you forgetting about the thing you should actually be worrying about: your position.
"Like hell Y/N is going to give up her spot easily," Yujin came to your defence with her arms thrown around your shoulder. "Isn't that right?" She turned her head to look at you, poking your cheek with a finger.
"What I'm saying is, Y/N could potentially fill in for Yeonjun's spot too. She's also a breaststroke specialist and Sunghoon's last win in the championship was him breaking the world record for freestyle. I'm just saying maybeâjust maybeâthis combo would be something exciting,"
Yujin, the butterfly swimmer in the mixed relay team, frowned slightly at his argument, though debatable, she didn't seem to think the idea as fit. "The second leg is usually swam by men, it'd be a disadvantage to have a woman swim it. Based off the statistics, it'd be a shit show of a strategy,"
"I'm afraid she's right," you shrugged, heaving a deep sigh at the struggle your team was facing before training even started. "There's no way coach would do that,"
"Then is Sunghoon supposed to really swim the second leg?"
"Duh, who else? He got picked specifically, out of many other people, to replace Yeonjun, I'm sure there's a reason behind it," Yujin gave your shoulder a light squeeze. "Not to mention, he's got a reputation for being a good breaststroker too,"
"Right, he got second place in Tokyo, didn't he? Just like you did, Y/N," Anton's gaze landed on your rather sullen face, the memories of Tokyo where you found out you won the same amount of medals in the same categories as Sunghoon came flying back into your mind.Â
The thought of it was laughable, how were you still telepathically connected with him from then up until this moment. It was your childhood with him to blame at the end of the day. You were the one to influence him and made him fall in love with your two favourite strokes: freestyle and breaststroke. Who knew you would land yourself in a position where you potentially had to fight him for your position?Â
"Y/N will always be our freestyle master in the last leg, okay? No competitions needed. Our first training together will speak for itself," Yujin glanced at you briefly, checking up on you after your momentary silence. You gave her a smile, reaching for her hand that sat on your shoulder.Â
Soon after, the distant sound of your coach's voice slowly became louder as he approached closer. He was talking to someone, the second voice obviously belonged to the person everyone was waiting for, the addition of a star swimmer into the team instantly raised your teammates' expectations and hopes. Everyone else in the room were giving each other knowing glances at the anticipation of Sunghoon's arrivalâexcept for you.Â
You were holding your breath, mentally counting down the seconds while the footsteps of your coach and the person who was once your best friend were nearing. Every one of you instinctively lined up in a row as always, awaiting Coach Jeon's arrival.Â
You didn't dare to blink. Lo and behold, Park Sunghoon entered the room with your coach by his side, the strong presence of an Olympic medallist and world championship winner filled the room. It was hard to deny that his presence alone was influential.Â
"Morning, everyone. As you may know, we'll be having a new additionâor replacementâto the team. Everyone please welcome Sunghoon,"Â
Following his words, there were enthusiastic claps with a sprinkle of shouts from the guys. Sunghoon was trying his best to keep up with the overwhelming atmosphere from his new teammates, most of which were familiar faces considering they were all from the national team, the only difference was the coaches they train under. That was until now.Â
You were standing to the far left, furthest away from the center where Sunghoon was. Were you a coward for avoiding him? That was partially the truth, but all those years of ignoring one another, brushing past each other at every national and international competitions, you weren't the only one at fault. He was also a coward that claimed he was a lion.Â
Jungkook patted Sunghoon's back in encouragement, giving the latter a push for him to introduce himself. "Nice to meet everyone, I'm Park Sunghoon. It's my first time training with you all, so I'm apologising in advance if there's any mistakes made on my part. I hope we'll be able to get along well and bring home some gold medals from Paris,"
The team erupted in passionate cheers and applause from Sunghoon's self-introduction. It was clear everyone shared the same goal: a gold medal at the Olympics.Â
"Alright, so I think everyone already somewhat knows each other, am I correct?" Jungkook looked between Sunghoon and his group of swimmers, both of which nodded and responded with a chorus of 'yes'. "How about a fresh introduction? A friendly way to warm up to one another,"Â
'Friendly' was one way to put it and he was definitely directing it at you.
Juyeon, who stood on the furthest to the right, started his introduction first. "I'm Lee Juyeon, butterfly swimmer, we met at the youth championship before,"
"Right, we did, nice to see you again, man," Sunghoon and Intak shared a firm handshake before moving onto Anton. The introductions were all brief, but there were also friendly gestures exchanged. Not long after, you were the last and only one left to introduce yourself.
If you could describe the exact moment Sunghoon met your eyes for the first time in nearly six years, it would be suffocating, and it was in the worst way possible. The warmth and familiarity that was once in those brown irises happened to be gone and lost with him when he saw you. You didn't know how to react, just seeing the hostility and coldness from him that you wished wasn't real was enough to beat you down.
"I'm Y/N L/N. I hope we can win a medal together in the mixed relay," you stayed rooted to your spot stubbornly, not bothering to exchange at least a handshake with him unlike your teammates. It seemed he reciprocated your feelings.
His stoic expression never once faltered, but it was his eyes that spoke louder than words needed to. Amongst the coldness of his gaze, there was an unmistakable shock and longing that he hid well enough for you to not fully catch onto. "I hope so too."
Ignoring the weird tension that lingered around the room between you and Sunghoon, you started your usual routine off along with your teammates. Long hours and many laps of endless swimming was about to be your reality again. The worst part of all was the strength training that was yet to start.Â
The excruciating nine hours of never ending swimming soon ended around the evening and your first day was finally done. Neither you nor Sunghoon crossed paths or interacted, maintaining your bliss and ignorance that would bring you peace.Â
"Are you just going to ignore him until his last day?" Yunjin was drying her hair, staring at you with an accusatory gaze.Â
"Yeah, I guess?" You shrugged, packing up your bag that you slung over your shoulder, flashing Yunjin an indifferent smile.Â
"I don't think that's a great idea, Y/N. We still have the mixed relay to consider, there's no way you could just go radio silence on him when it's a team event," Yujin made her way into the changing room from the shower just in time to listen in on your conversation, seemingly disapproving at you and Sunghoon's behaviour towards one another.Â
"What am I going to do? He doesn't even want to acknowledge me,"
"How about you try making the first move?"
"Over my dead body," you murmured, hating the fact that you and Sunghoon's past conflicts were stagnating the team, yet your ego was not ready to confront him. Nope, never.Â
"You're so stubborn," Yujin grumbled, shaking her head in disapproval. "He's equally stubborn. God, I can't believe I have to put up with these hot-headed, stubborn people, give me strength, please,"
"It'll be fine. As long as I keep my distance and he keeps his distance, nothing will go wrong," you slapped Yujin on her back, earning a doubtful look from her that you responded with an earful smile.Â
"I highly doubt that," Yunjin chimed in, hoisting her backpack onto her shoulder, ready to leave as well. Yujin turned to share a knowing look with her.
"Me too."
All you could do was roll your eyes, not daring to respond because you knew, too, that you couldn't fully promise that you'd stick to your words. It was impossible to predict what would happen in the next few days, let alone three months. The non-existent interactions with Sunghoon for six years couldn't prepare you for what he was like currently, and for that reason, you were scared.Â
That night, alone in your bed, you couldn't take your eyes off the picture frame sitting on your dressing table. It was a picture of you and Sunghoon at the ripe age of thirteen, holding onto your gold medals with the biggest smiles right after a competition. Who would've known in a few years time since then, you wouldn't even be able to stand next to him.Â
How you wished those childish smiles would make its way back to you and Sunghoon, standing next to each other with a gold medal again.
A week has passed since the day Sunghoon first started his training under your coach.Â
Safe to say, you kept your distance from him and so did he. Neither of you managed to exchange a single word or a single glance that lasted more than a second. It might've been a natural occurrence for you to have some sort of 'cold war' with Sunghoon, but to the others, they felt a little awkward having to be part of it.
For the second week of training, the part that you enjoyed most became dreadful to you. The mixed relay training was inevitable with Sunghoon's presence as a first timer to the group. More practices were implemented by Coach Jeon in order for Sunghoon to adapt and grow familiar with the general rules around mixed relay medley.Â
"Doing good?" Anton was the second to arrive after you, standing next to you by the pool. He had probably noticed you staring into the pool, letting your thoughts drift away.
You snapped out of your daze, blinking in surprise at him until you realise who you were talking to. "Whâyeah, I'm fine,"
"You're not nervous for our first training together as a team, right?" He attempted to lighten the mood, bumping your shoulder with his.Â
"No," you scoffed. That was a lie. You were nervous, and masking it up wasn't exactly a great way to deal with it. "It's just any other training,"
"Be honest, you were probably mad when you heard about Yeonjun's stupid accident, weren't you?" Anton took a seat on the starting block, staring up at you with a pair of big doe eyes.Â
"Mad? Not exactly. Maybe annoyed? Concerned? A little bit of everything," you frowned, remembering the message sent in the group chat the week before training started. 'Can't turn up to training, fell down my bike and broke my ankle' it was unforgettable. "Why?"
"I'm just a little disappointed it's not Yeonjun swimming the second leg. He's one of the strongest breaststroke swimmers,"
"Weren't you excited about Sunghoon's arrival?"
"Well, it's a no brainer I'm excited, Sunghoon's a great swimmer, but he's not exactly Yeonjun. Thinking about how sudden everything is, the changes and having to adapt to them, I'm just worried it'll affect the team's performance,"
Your gaze softened at the younger boy's truthful confession. If you had to be completely honest, you were worried about the team's future performances as well. Having so little time to adjust and letting a replacement take up a crucial swimmer's role was bound to cause doubts.Â
"We'll be fine," your voice was firm with determination. "The future's unpredictable anyway. Who knows what will be the result of this lineup?"Â
"Do you know how great of a motivational speaker you are?" Anton smiled at your words, the worries that filled his eyes were blinked away. "Also, what's up with you and Sunghoon? Are you guys always like ⌠this?" He proceeded to make some gestures with his hands.
Here it is. That topic.Â
The real question should be: when were you never like this with Sunghoon?
You shrugged, directly lying to his face a second time. "It's complicated. Let's start our warm up, shall we?"
That was enough to divert Anton's attention away from the question he originally brought up, successfully dodging it until the others arrived and started their warm ups as well. Yujin, in particular, was overwhelmed with excitement to start her part of the relay, hoping to beat her own personal record.
"Were you always this excited for training?" You looked at Yujin with an eyebrow raised, watching as she stretched her limbs carefully, a cheery expression on her face.Â
"I think my break made me realise how much I missed the water," she kneeled down to touch the surface of the pool water with her finger, a little habit of hers before competitions that she grew to have.Â
"How's the temperature?"
She stood back up, straightened her spine, a wide grin spreading onto her lips. "Absolutely perfect."
Once the warm ups were officially concluded, Yunjin and Intak were sent to other lanes in the pool to start their individual training, whereas you and your remaining teammates were listening intently to the coach's every word.
"So, we start our first practice today. Together, as a team, a new team. Let's see what's the time recorded for each leg, improve the handoffs and perfect your individual time. Anton, you'll go first,"
Anton fixed his swim cap right after that, walking towards the starting block while the team dispersed to wait for their turn. You stood beside Yujin, Sunghoon only inches before you. It was hard concentrating on Anton and his start, barely registering the sound of the whistle blowing. He was so magnetic it was almost obnoxious.
"Hey, new guy! Got the rules down?" Yujin directed her words at Sunghoon, catching him off guard. He turned around, an impassive expression was his first response to Yujin. His eyes flickered to you for a split second, quick enough for you to barely catch onto it.
"I have," he answered shortly, seemingly frozen from Yujin putting him into a spot out of the blue.Â
Before returning his focus back onto the pool ahead of him, he stole a haste glance at you for the second time. It was barely a second's worth of his eyes on you, not even an acknowledgement. You couldn't explain it. Why were you ticked off by him?Â
"Sunghoon, get ready!" Coach Jeon shouted from the other side of the room, glancing between his stopwatch and the pool. Sunghoon stood on the starting block, fixing his goggles in place. "Now!"
The moment Anton's fingers grazed the pool's wall, Sunghoon dived into the pool perfectly, all eyes were fixed on him now. The swimmer that created history, broken records, set a standard for new generations of swimmers, was proving why he was labelled a national treasure.
He was quick. How was that even possible? Breaststroke was one of the slowest strokes in swimming and yet he made it seem as though it was the easiest to swim. Yujin was next, her excitement was apparent in her swim and aggression. The butterfly stroke and her perfect posture had her resembling a mermaid.Â
It was your turn to stand on the starting block, preparing for the exact second Yujin finished her lap. Your heart was beating against your chest, adrenaline was suddenly coursing through your veins. The time was ticking, Yujin was coming closer, and with one touch to the wall, off you went into the pool, the cold water engulfing you whole.
The first inhale of air filled your lungs to its maximum capacity. You could feel a sense of buzzing on the tip of your fingers, the muscles of your legs were working to its limits. You felt great.Â
Your flip turn was quick and perfect. Everything was going right for you. The way your legs and arms were working in sync, your breathing technique had improved, all of these being factors to your best swim yet. The stopwatch was halted once your tips touched the wall, finally getting the chance to get your head out of the water and breathe deeply.
"54 seconds!" Coach Jeon called out, a satisfactory grin plastered on his face. "Good job," he clapped his hands, throwing up a thumbs up at both you and your teammates. âGet a short rest, Iâll be with the others then weâll resume our training together,â
A chorus of âyes, coachâ travelled through you and your teammates, all of you watched as he walked to the other side of the pool where the others were training, then breathed a collective sigh of relief. Yujin came forward to help you out of the pool, wrapping a towel around you while patting your back.
"Good swim,"
You smiled at her, placing your hand on her waist. "You had a good swim too,"
"What a swim, L/N!" Anton, who stood next to Sunghoon, yelled at you as you and Yujin approached. You snorted at his enthusiasm, giving him a thumbs up in response. The man to his left, however, remained impassive just as his face displayed almost to no emotions regarding your performance. Not that you needed his validation anyway. You met his eyes, his unwavering stare bore into you, it was as if everyone was awaiting for his comments.Â
"You didnât swim at your best,"
His words were as cold as his voice, piercing into your heart without a space for you to recover or register what he meant. What did he mean? There was a sudden edge to the atmosphere around the group, a thick air of tension surrounded you and him in particular. âWhat?â There was no need for him to repeat what he just said, but it was almost unbelievable as an alien invasion to you.
âYou werenât swimming at your best,â Sunghoon repeated firmly, his stoicness never once faltering. Your dignity, on the other hand, was withering.Â
âWho are you to determine whether or not Iâm swimming at my best?â You took a step forward, your footstep heavy on the ground. He stayed rooted to his spot, chin held high while your narrowing gaze pierced through his skull.
There was a pause where a momentary silence filled the air. Neither you nor the rest of your teammates dared to speak. The man before you was expressionless, it was nearly hard to read him or his thoughts, only seeing the steady rise and fall of his chest, whereas yours was in a frenzy.âI know you,â
He might as well have just shot you in the face. Those three words were as hard as bullets were, causing you to almost lose your footing and tumble over, but somehow, you managed to stand your ground. Out of the many things he couldâve said, this was the least you expected. You had wished he wouldâve lied and insulted you rather than speaking the inevitable truth. Frankly, it was the same for you.Â
âYou know nothing about me,â you seethed out, nostrils flaring out of indignation.Â
Sunghoon scoffed, turning his head to a side for a second before looking back at you, a fire lighting up in those cold eyes of his, melting into a fiery pit of rage. âYou can cuss me out or insult me all you want, but the biggest insult you could ever throw at me is disregarding our past. I know you, itâs simple as that, and I can tell youâre not swimming to your fullest,â
You couldnât form an immediate response, because you were stunned and stuck in an endless cycle of thoughts, thinking if what he said was actually true. What if ⌠you truly werenât swimming at your best? Were you holding back? The only thing you could bear to thank Sunghoon now was for feeding into your self doubts.
âYouâŚyouââ
âOkay, cut it out guys,â Anton came to stand between you and Sunghoon, shielding your line of sight and you felt an odd sense of relief that Sunghoon couldnât see your crumbling state. There was no way in hell you were turning vulnerable right in front of him, nor were you going to lose the fight to him. Knowing how stubborn either of you were, if Anton hadnât cut into it, you mightâve been there for longer. âQuit fighting, I swear. I know thereâs tensionâhell, I can feel itâbut can you two at least act like you can tolerate each other? If you two act like this even in Paris, what will the press write?â
Anton was right, he was always right. You hated how youâve allowed your emotions and past consumed you when it came to Sunghoon. The person who was once your strength had turned into your weakness, your flaw. Everything had been fine until it came to him, it has been so ever since six years back. Now, you were reliving it all over again.
âIâm going to get some air,â Sunghoon announced, sparing one last glance at you before turning his heel to leave, the water from his body left wet footprints on the floor.
Yujin and Anton turned to look at you, the unmistakable look of shock on their faces. They were seemingly as helpless as you were, but they were more likely experiencing much worse being stuck in the middle of you and Sunghoon. âIâm sorry ⌠for that. Iâll go for a dip in the pool.â
They watched as you made your way back to the starting block and in the next second, you had already jumped into the pool, starting another lap again. Yujin and Anton stared at one another, matching frowns etched onto their worried faces. There was a wordless exchange as if something had clicked in their minds from just one knowing look.
âWe need to find a way to get them to reconcile.â
One month into training and there was nothing that could be done to make the two star swimmers return to a civil relationship. In fact, the space between you and Sunghoon had only grown bigger ever since the small rift that made everything go from bad to worse.
It had gone to a point where Coach Jeon had to give both of you a lecture, almost begging you and Sunghoon to work together for those few short months. To him, it mightâve truly been a âfew short monthsâ, but to you? It was a hellish period of time to be reckoned with.
You could tell everyone was trying to push you and him together, but you and him were just like magnets with the same poles, repelling each other no matter how much effort was put into getting you and him close. There was once when your teammates had strategized to purposefully have you and Sunghoon sitting side-by-side, yet to their surprise, your hatred for one another gave you ways to make any efforts fail. For that dinner, each of your chairs were pulled far enough to create an obvious distance, not one glance was even spared between you and him.
Then came a Saturday, a weekend off for the team and an opportunity for everyone to go out for drinks. It was the perfect time to let go and relax for a short moment, but to your teammates, it just so happened to be a perfect setting for their plan: get Sunghoon and Y/N to diffuse their hatred.
âWhy is everyone always at my place when we get ready to go out?â you grumbled, picking up your dirty clothes that were scattered on the floor to make way for Yunjin and Yujin, their hands full with clothes and makeup.
âItâs a tradition now,â Yujin pressed a kiss on your cheek, laughing at your unimpressed frown. âItâs a once in a blue moon type of thing! We should make the most out of tonight, we donât know when weâll have another day off after this,â
âThatâs right,â Yunjin said, placing her dress onto your bed, next to yours that was laid carefully to avoid wrinkles. âItâs time to drink till we break.â
That wasnât exactly how you wished your night to go. You and the girls met up with the guys at the entrance to the club, having to squeeze your way in and hold onto each other tightly to not lose your way. It reminded you why you never had an active nightlife apart from the routine you had as an athlete. The club reeked of alcohol, sweat, smoke and many other things, none of them were good.
The moment you got to settle into the booth, you finally got a clear view of everyone. You, Yunjin and Yujin were dressed in almost matching tight dresses, the only difference was the colour, the length and the existence of shoulder straps. Anton and Juyeon were sporting collared shirts, while Sunghoon wore a black button down shirt, his hair gelled up to reveal his forehead.
There was no mistaking his straying eyes, but he wasnât the only one, you were equally guilty. You tried to reason it with the excuse of pure curiosity, yet you found yourself stealing more than one glance. By then, you knew it wasnât something you could easily deny.
Juyeon leaned his body against the table with a serious expression that he had whenever he set the rules for the night every time you had a night out. âOkay, so the rules for tonight, no leaving on your own, unless you send a text. No going overboard until you do crazy shit that will get your name on the headline,â he paused, scanning the group. âLastly, no becoming Yeonjun and break your bones,â
There was a chorus of snorts and laughter at the slight dig at Yeonjun. It was a joke, but the chances of it happening wasnât entirely zero. âGot it!âÂ
The group soon dispersed, some were headed straight to the bar, some were off to the dance floor and some had stayed in the booth. You and Yujin had stuck together, sitting on the high stool at the bar, heads propped onto your hand as you stared at each other. There was a wordless breath of a sigh between you and her, it seemed that neither of you needed to verbally communicate to know what the other was thinking. You held your shot glass up to clink against hers, and at the same time, you downed the shot down with Yujin.Â
The feeling of the alcohol burning your throat was something you didnât miss, yet it was what you needed at that moment. âThat was good,â you muttered, hearing Yujinâs laugh as a response to your comment. âIf I wasnât an athlete whose health gets scrutinised, I would be drinking at every minor inconvenience,â
âYouâd be an alcoholic at that point,â Yujin shook her head, a faint smile adoring her sharp features. âWhy? Is the pressure getting to you?â
âNot exactly. I donât think about those things, I never do,â you watched as the bartender filled your and Yujinâs shot glasses once more. âIâm thinking about Sunghoon,â
Yujin straightened up at that, her body leaned close to yours, an inquisitive raise of her eyebrow met your eyes. âSunghoon? You? Thinking about Sunghoon?â
âNot about him per se, but you knowâusâour past, itâs affecting the team and I hate it. I hate that I canât do anything about it,â
âYou can? You can just make things even with him,â
âEasier said than done. We canât see eye to eye. I mean, do you think itâs easy to befriend your ex best friend that you had beef with?â
âWellâŚno,â
âExactly,â you said, followed by downing another shot out of your glass. âItâs hard to even speak to him without him glaring at me, how am I supposed to go: âhey, letâs be BFFs againâ,â
âBut donât you want to try and mend things? At least end the bad blood,â
You stared at your shot glass, your fingers grazing against the mouth of the cup, a sad smile making its way to your lips. âI wish I could, but Iâm afraid the damage is worse than I had imagined.â
Drowning your sadness in shots after shots was an equation for disaster, and that was exactly what you had done. Excuse the liver damage, your current concern was your emotions that were bound to spill out of its seams. An emotional drunk, that was what you were as depressing as it sounds. The thought of Sunghoon and your ruined friendship was the cherry on top to it all.
âHe hates me!â you slurred, your face buried in your hands after four shots of tequila. âI donât even know how it turned out like this ⌠how it turned into this,â
âY/N, youâre drunk,â Yujin moved your shot glass further from your reaching hands, causing you to frown deeper at that. âNo more, okay? Youâll regret it in the morning,â
âIâm used to regretting things, just leave me be,â you pouted at Yujin, but she was firm and final in her decision in cutting you off alcohol for the night. âSunghoonâŚâ you murmured before the alcohol fully set in and your head collapsed onto the table, absolutely blacking out.
âOh God.â
Yujin returned to the booth with you slumped against her. She thought the amount of weight training she had endured was finally worth it for having to put up with your drunk self. The rest of your teammates had returned to the booth, empty cups were littered around the table, the only sober ones there were Yunjin and Sunghoon, who was trying to peel Anton away from his body. He glanced up in time to see Yujin approaching with you being supported by her. Â
Yunjin stood up and rushed to Yujinâs side to help her with you. âIs she okay? Iâve never seen her this drunk,â
âI should be asking the same about Anton and Juyeon,â Yunjin nodded at the two who were slumped against each other, eyes closed and probably drifting to some dreamland where a head splitting morning would soon await them in the morning.Â
âTheyâre also a lost cause,â she sighed, shaking her head. âLetâs get going,â
It was a miracle that Yunjin, Yujin and Sunghoon had successfully carried you and the other two out of the club. The process, however, didnât matter and was forbidden to speak about, what mattered most was the success of getting the three of you.Â
âIâll call a cab for us four, we live in the same apartment complex,â Yunjin looked over at a struggling Yujin trying her best to prevent Anton and Juyeon from falling over while they leaned against each other. You were basically the calmest out of them, sleeping soundly. âWill it be okay for you to bring Y/N home? I know itâs too much to askââ
âIâll bring her home. Itâs not too much, donât worry,â Sunghoon reassured, slipping his hands into the pockets of his coat. âWâwhatâs her address?â it never occurred to Sunghoon that, one day, he would not know where you lived, that you were no longer the girl that lived next to his house. The girl that had once taken over his life was no longer a part of it. That, to him, was a tough pill to swallow.
âIâll send it to you in a second, Iâm almost done booking the cab,â Yunjin was feverishly tapping her screen, her eyebrows knitted together. âYou drove here, right?â
âI did,â
âSmart decision,â she muttered, finalising her booking with one last tap. âThe cabâs arriving in ten minutes and I just sent her address to you. Donât worry about us, it isnât our first time, we know how to deal with them. Get her home safe, and you, get home safe too,â
âYou sure youâll be okay?â Sunghoon asked once more, casting a worried glance over at the two men who couldnât even keep their balance sitting up.Â
âBetter than okay. Now, go get her home, weâll be fine.â
Sunghoon drove his car to the front of the club, and with the help of your two friends, you were loaded into the passenger seat with ease. By then, you were half awake from your sleep, the unfamiliar settings causing you to become much alert. You sat up from the seat a little too quick, an honest mistake which brought a throb to your head.Â
âJust sleep, itâll hurt less,âÂ
That voice. How and why was it so close to you? Whose car were you in? Could it be �
âSunghoon?â
You blinked hard, trying to get rid of the haziness and the blur in your vision. It didnât need a second thought for you to know itâs Sunghoon. From his voice to his outline, even the midst of it all, you could always recognize the boy you knew your whole life.Â
âDonât act so surprised. Iâm just trying to help,â he replied flatly, keeping his eyes ahead.Â
âI thought youâd rather die than help me,â
âWell, thatâs what you think. Youâre not always right,âÂ
You didnât say anything after, letting a curtain of silence fall over, it was better for you and him. You could barely keep your eyes open, the heaviness of your head only made you feel much nauseous than before. It was more ironic how the reason you drown yourself in alcohol was sitting next to you, driving you home with no single trace of alcohol in his blood unlike you. Maybe you were the pathetic one here.
The drive back to your place was quiet, the faint music from his radio was playing to fill the awkwardness between you two. How did it even get to this point in the first place? You wished you knew. Sunghoonâs car eventually came to a stop right by the entrance of your apartment complex, the silence somehow only grew thicker now that the car has stopped moving.Â
âWeâre here,â Sunghoon announced the obvious, attempting to cut through the silence with something rather than nothing. âDo you need me to walk you up?â
âIâll be fine on my own,â
âYou donât really look fine,â
âThanks for your concern, but Iâm fine, and thanks for the ride home. Iâll see you at training,â you reached for the handle, pulling it and opening the door, one foot already out, but the other lost its footing and you stumbled, a hand gripping onto your forearm was what prevented you from falling face first into the hard road. Sunghoon yanked you back into the passenger seat, and you were too surprised to utter another word. Damn it.Â
âYouâre clearly not fine on your own. Let me walk you up,â he said with a finality in his voice. You knew there was no way for you to reject his offer now that you had embarrassed yourself while you tried proving your point. âYouâre still not good at walking in heels after all these years, huh?â
âWhatââ
He had slammed his side of the door into your face and your unfinished response. You didnât have the time to process everything when Sunghoon appeared by you in a split second, your door was opened and he was staring at you with an unreadable expression. It was irritating and extremely annoying to you how he was practically almost impossible to read around you. You knew him too well, and that was probably the reason why he increased his guard when it came to you.
âHold onto me,â he extended his arm, and you couldnât explain why, but your heart rate was increasing with every passing second. His head tilted slightly at your hesitance, a minor frown decorated his features at your reaction. âWhat is it?â
âOhânothing,â you shook your nerves off. Since when were you ever scared of Sunghoon? Let alone be nervous around him. You mightâve not been friends but it doesnât make him any scarier. In that light, in that moment, you got a glimpse of the Sunghoon you knew years ago. That was what made you freeze up.
You placed your hand on his forearm, using him for support as you got out of his car, the piercing pain in your foot caused you to wince. Youâre still not good at walking in heels after all these years, huh? Why must he always be right about you? âWhat is it?â he noticed your discomfort, worry flashing across his face for a moment.Â
âItâs nothing, just my heelsââ
âSit back,â he placed a hand on your shoulder, gently pushing you back into the passenger seat. He took one glance at you, there was an unmistakable mix of emotions in his eyes, but then he was out of your sight, opening the door of his backseat to get something.Â
Once he was back, he knelt on one knee in front of you, not a single word was exchanged, but you followed his every movement. He had a pair of shoes in his hand, it was only a beat later when he stared up at you, meeting your curious eyes. âWhen are you going to stop pushing me away and pretend itâs nothing when you need help?â
Sunghoon reached for your leg, unbuckling your heels in a swift motion, his touch was soft and he was gentle with you in every way. The shock from earlier till now had only caused you to sober up quicker, but the haziness in your head made you wonder if this was just a dream. He was right in front of you, swapping your heels for a comfortable pair of shoes, helping you into them as you watched wordlessly.
âThere. Feel better now?â Sunghoon stood up, holding onto your heels in one hand. Truthfully, you didn't know what to say to him, merely nodding in response. He breathed out a rather loud sigh, extending his arm out to you once more, and you immediately got the cue to hold onto him just like before.
Your first step out onto the ground was heaven in those comfortable shoes. They were large and awkward for you, but they were miles better than your heels. âJust hold onto me. I know you probably can't walk straight now,â
You bit back a remark to that, wanting to prove him wrong but you figured it'd be another stupid idea of yours. Holding onto his forearm just like before, you walked quietly with him by your side. You were unconsciously leaning your side onto him, the realisation mightâve not hit you, but it did for him. This was the closest youâve been since six years ago, physically and emotionally.Â
The silence was painful leading up to the moment you opened your front door, hoping to bid him a hasty goodbye, just for you to almost stumble over your own two feet once more, proving his point was right all over again. Sunghoon didnât complain when he helped you out of his shoes, he didnât say anything even when he guided you into your bedroom where you crashed out once your head hit the pillow. How was that possible? That was what Sunghoon thought upon seeing your sleeping figure.
âSunghoon,â he nearly jumped at the sound of your voice that was muffled by your face being pressed into your bedsheets. Your eyes were closed, eyebrows furrowed with a slight frown as if there were many thoughts swarming your drunken mind. He didnât dare to speak or make another move, waiting for what you would say next with an unsteady breath. You shifted in your sleep, your hand seemingly balling into a fist. âIâm sorry,â the words were hardly audible, yet in the silence of the night and the heat of it all, it was the loudest and clearest to Sunghoon, they were the only thing buzzing in his ears along with the sound of his heartbeat.
A faint smile that he hasnât worn around you in ages made its way to his face. Although Sunghoon knew you would most likely have forgotten about this and have zero recollection of uttering the words âIâm sorryâ when morning comes, there was still a sense of assurance that the chances of reconciling werenât completely zero. He breathed out a small sigh, realising he had to go back to pretending he hadnât heard your confession, having to act cold to one another as if it wasnât killing him internally. Were you feeling the same as he did?
Sunghoon tucked you into your blanket, casting one last glance at you sleeping soundly before turning his back to you, taking big steps to your bedroom door just for him to stop in his tracks at the glint of your photo frames. He knew he shouldnât pry, but he couldnât help stealing a glance. It was his first mistake, his curiosity had led him to the childhood pictures of you and him. You still had them after everything you went through with him. There was a lump in his throat, the sting in his eyes became much more prominent, a cluster of emotions were weighing down on him.
âIâm sorry too.â
âIs it me ⌠or is the mutual hating tension becoming awkward now?â
All of your teammates were huddled in a group, observing you and Sunghoon being forced to listen to your coachâs lecture for the hundredth time. It was the first training after your short weekend break, and that night alone has changed everything. Neither you nor him were at each other's throats anymore, there was no malice in the air or animosity, but there was still a striking tension that made everyone around you and him feel uncomfortable.Â
âWhat even happened that night?â Juyeon crossed his arms, frowning a little at the zero to none recollection of what happened that night all thanks to his reckless drinking.
âNothing much,â Yunjin said, her eyebrows raising at the sight of you and Sunghoon, choosing to keep your worries about him a secret.Â
Yujin coughed, displaying a deadpan expression. âWhat Juyeon probably meant was, what happened after? He sent her home, didnât he?â
âHe did, but I didnât hear what happened after,â
âTheyâre acting like theyâve fucked or something,â
âAnton!â the group averted their eyes at Anton, who seemed to have shrunk under the sharp glares sent by his teammates.Â
âWhat really happened after?â
If you were to receive at least a dollar for the times your coach has reprimanded you and Sunghoon, you wouldâve quit swimming and be a millionaire. This instance was the same as before where he called you and Sunghoon out on your lack of chemistry. He wasnât entirely wrong, and you could understand how it might affect the overall team chemistry, but what could you do? Make the first move? Insane.
âGuys, I know Iâve said this before, but youâve got to at least talk a little,â Coach Jeon let out a sigh, rubbing the sides of his head with his lips pressed into a thin line. âEveryone with eyes can tell you do not wish to be associated with each other or stand next to each otherââ his eyes were trained on the distance between you and Sunghoon. Upon realisation, the both of you took a step closer to each other, but it was not enough to mend it.
âJust try. Donât give the national team or yourselves bad press, alright?â Coach Jeonâs face was laced with genuine concern and worry. Given how long your relationship has been affecting the team, your coachâs worries only increased. âLook, either try to be on friendly terms before the Olympics or Iâll make it happen,â the latter sounded almost like a threat from the tone of his voice, sending chills down each of your spines. âDismissed.â
The moment your coach was out of ear shot, you turned to look at Sunghoon, narrowing your gaze accusingly at him. âDid you hear him? Weâve got to at least try speakingââ before you could manage to finish your sentence, Sunghoon scoffed and turned on his heels to leave the room.
You, on the other hand, were entirely dumbfounded by his sheer audacity. Was him helping you out that night merely a front that he kept up? He had transformed a total 180 compared to his previous attitude, this was not the same man who left you water and aspirin by your bed. âAsshole!â you shouted out at him as he made his way out, turning to leave from the other door to avoid following him.
The rest of your teammates that were huddled in a group still had their eyes fixated on the drama unfolding before them, most of which were shaking their heads in disapproval, some wandering eyes were trained on either one of your backs before disappearing completely behind the doors. Yunjin exchanged a brief glance with Yujin, a light bulb on the top of her head turning on.
âIâve got a way to get them to fix things up.â
The sun was soon setting as the evening came to an imminent end. You were the last to shower, being the only one left in the locker room, the sound of your locker door slamming shut echoed throughout the room. You took a seat on the bench, leaning your head against the lockers, a frustrated groan escaped your lips. You were annoyed, agitated at how Sunghoon had actively ignored you. Why was he acting like a total stranger to you? The least he couldâve done was spare some acknowledgement. Was he as cruel as you made him out to be?
You were pulled out of your deep thoughts the second you heard voices coming from the outside of the door. There was no way anyone would be catching you getting emotional over Sunghoonâexcept for Yunjinâonce was already enough, you blamed it on the influence of the alcohol. The voices only got louder as it came closer. There was a manâs voice, but also a woman, or actually, it sounded more like a group as you walked to the door, straining your ear to listen in on the commotion outside.
Before you could get any closer, the door flung open, causing you to take a step back in shock, mouth agape. The person being pushed into the locker room was no one other than the manifestation of your thoughts: Park Sunghoon. Just as quick as he was pushed in, the door slammed shut and there was a sound of the door locking.Â
âSort your shit out and weâll let you out in a few hours! Sorry!â
âWhat?âÂ
âWhat?â
You and Sunghoon yelled out simultaneously, absolutely incredulous this was befalling on you. Sunghoon, who happened to be unfortunate enough to be pushed into the locker room that you were alone in. This wasnât a coincidence, it was a strategic plan your teammates brewed up. The realisation clicked once you locked eyes with him, the adrenaline soon died down and the usual awkward tension returned.Â
The pettiness from earlier had you turning your back on him, storming towards the bench where you were sitting before your peace was ruined. Slow and hesitant footsteps followed you from behind, the heaviness of your breathing filled the air and you soon stopped in your tracks, the footsteps followed short. You turned around fast enough for you to have a whiplash, the man in front of you had kept a distance between you and him, the unspoken emotions were visible in the way he looked at you.
âAre we ever going to stop this?â the words had left his mouth before you could even form a proper thought, that alone was able to break down everything you had prepared to say beforehand.Â
âStopâwhat?â
âThis! Us!â he gestured between you and him, the distance was already proof of your coldness to one another. âAre we going to continue pretending everything is alright when itâs not?âÂ
âYou seriously have the nerve to say that after ignoring me for years, so yes, everything is fine! Itâs the way itâs supposed to be,â
âYou were ignoring me too!â
âI mean, you hate me, we canât stand each other, isnât that what everything is meant to be like?â
ââI hate youâ? Since when have I hated you?â Sunghoon scoffed, nostrils flaring, frown lines deepening.Â
âEver since our first competition after you transferred clubs. We stopped talking, you never bothered to look me in the eyes and brushed past me as if I was a stranger! I thought I could try apologising, but since then, all I could see in your eyes was anger,â your breath was shaky, the memories of your best friend becoming someone you couldnât recognise was painful to relive. âYou never told me your plans to leave, but you know what? I thought we were best friendsâŚâ
Sunghoon was silent for a moment, he opened his mouth to speak just for him to close it again, jaw clenched with a tense gaze. âI thought it was the right choice. I knew you wouldâve said no if I had told you earlier, so I chose not to. I didnât want to hurt you, but I suppose my judgments were wrong. I was a coward,â he paused, his eyes scanning every micro expression you made. âI never hated you. How could I ever? I was angry at myself. Seeing youâŚI was frustrated that I had let you go so easily. I thought you didnât wish to reconcile after you ignored me, I didnât know it was the opposite,â
You were still unresponsive, your pupils were shaking just as your breath began to waver. Sunghoon tried his best to muster the faintest of a soft smile, his knuckles were soon turning white from how hard he was balling his fists. âIâm sorry for saying those things that night. I shouldnât have disregarded our friendship over something so stupid. Iâm sorry, Y/N,â
With every blink, your eyes only stung from the tears building up. His confession as a whole made your heart twist, the overwhelming truth was eating you up from within. The explanation from him that you craved and yearned from years was finally here, but instead of feeling angry and wanting to punch him in the face like youâve always thought you would, you were the total opposite of that.
Tears were streaming down your face before you could fully comprehend you were crying. The lump in your throat was preventing you from speaking, a choke sob escaped and that wasnât helping your case at all. âFuck,â you cursed, feeling the heat creeping up to your face from embarrassment and you immediately buried your face into your hands.
âHey,â Sunghoon took large strides to get to you. You felt the warmth of his presence, the gentle touch of his hands that were on your arms, trying to pry them away from shielding your face. In that moment, you let yourself fall victim to him and his touch, feeling as if you had travelled back in time to when you first lost and Sunghoon was comforting you. âHey, look at me,â your eyes flitted up to meet his gaze, recognising the familiarity in them that youâve missed.Â
âWhat are you crying for?â his thumb brushed against your skin, wiping the downpour of tears.Â
âIâm sorry, Sunghoon, Iâm truly sorry. I feel stupid, I shouldnât have expected you to read minds, I shouldnât have blamed you for everythingââ
âHey,â he said once more, pulling your attention back onto him. âItâs alright. The both of us made mistakes, we were both in the wrong, none of us could blame the other. I know where youâre coming from, I understand,â
You blinked your tears away, breathing in deeply to stop yourself from crying yet again. âI wished we couldâve done this earlier. I wished I couldâve been less consumed by my anger. I lost many years without you, and most of all, I missed you,â
There was a twitch to the corners of Sunghoonâs lips, his hold on your hand became slightly tighter, and in a blink of an eye, he tugged you into his chest, engulfing you into a hug. Youâve missed this feeling, yet it felt completely new to you. âI missed you too. Iâm sorry for being such a stuck up asshole to you all the time,â
You snorted, smiling faintly against his hold. âYou better be sorry. Youâre forgiven,â
âYouâre forgiven too.â
Six years. That was how long youâve lost with each other. The amounts of competitions won, achievements and important events missed could no longer be replaced. But that day, in that locker room, you got a new chance at rebuilding the moments youâve lost in those six years, and you got a new beginning to build memories, even legacies, together that lasted for centuries.
Waking up to a message from Sunghoon on a Saturday morning was the last thing youâd expect.Â
Sure, you had made up with him not long before this, rather forcefully so, and you were glad it went well because you were done with your years of miscommunications with him, but after all, the wound was still fresh, the awkwardness and unfamiliarity was there between the both of you. You couldnât really speak to him without silence eventually following with nothing to say, nor could he keep a conversation with you fully either.Â
In your eyes, he looked like the person you knew for your whole life, physically unchanged, but at that moment, you didnât know what he was actually like anymore, whether he would laugh at the same joke you made or if heâd have the habit of repeating some words as he used to, all of those became a mystery to you. It hurts you to know youâve built a distance from him, causing the person you understood so well becoming someone youâre barely associated with.
Unknown number: this is Y/N, right? itâs Sunghoon. do you have time today?
You: hey, itâs Y/N. i do have time, iâm free for the whole day. why do you ask?
Sunghoon: iâm going home today, back to our hometown, iâm wondering if youâd like to come along? itâs okay if you decline though.
You: no, actually iâd like to come with you if you donât mind. thanks for asking me.Â
Sunghoon: iâll be at your house in an hour, eat something light, letâs get breakfast at our usual place.
Going back to the place that practically raised you along with the person that had been by your side since the start and growing up together with you was something youâd never once thought was possible in those six years apart, that was until now. It was a miracle that heâd willingly invited you to join him, and as much as you were relieved, you were also nervous, way too anxious for your own good.
For at least fifteen minutes after answering his texts, you paced back and forth in your apartment, conflicted about what to wear, the things you should bring, and even preparing what you could say to him once you saw him. This was a big step for not only you, but also him. It was a bandage that would heal the wounds caused by your dispute, a potential chance to restart the friendship and get closer to one another. Â
Seeing his car brought you back to the night he drove you home. An embarrassing realisation that you had was Sunghoon had to see you in your drunken state that couldn't keep yourself balanced on two feet. You disregarded that memory and entered his car, greeting him a good morning like you've grown to do at training.
âHungry?âÂ
âI'm alright, just had some bread,â
âGreat. It'll be an hour drive and we'll stop by our favourite restaurant, how does that sound?â
âI'm excited. I haven't been back in months,â
âWell, I think you'd like the new set they added in the menu.â
He remembered what you liked and hated? The biggest shock was realising he still ate at your favourite restaurant, taking note of an addition to the menu that he'd think you'd like. Did that mean he's kept you in his head even before your reconciliation?
Everything was confusing to you. He was confusing to you. It was absolutely frustrating. You shook off that feeling and stared out of the window, noting some landmarks that you remembered. It was the same route you'd take every time you went back to your hometown as well. You wondered how many times you've happened to cross paths on this route with Sunghoon in the past.Â
By taking advantage of the silence in the car, you decided to ask Sunghoon a question that's been eating you alive ever since you received his message. âWhy did you suddenly decide to go back at this time?â
Sunghoon didn't expect you to cut through the silence, glancing at you briefly before returning his eyes upon the read ahead. He hummed thoughtfully, fingers tapping on the steering wheel.Â
âTo be honest, I've thought about it for quite some time already. I wanted to have a small getaway while being able to see my parents before going to Paris,â he paused for some time, the faint music coming from the radio played in the background. âIt's something that I do before major competitions. Visiting the old pool and seeing everyone again really calms me down a lot. I just thought it'll be a great opportunity to bring you along nowâŚâ now that we're somewhat friends again. That was probably what he wanted to say after judging from his hesitance.Â
âI never knew you went back so often,â you muttered, frowning at the fact that this was another thing that you failed to learn about Sunghoon. It was also another evidence of how your friendship was, in fact, in the ditch for a long period of time where you practically had zero idea of what the other was doing.
He maintained his focus on the road ahead, but you could see a small, ever so slightly of a smile forming on his face. At least you knew he was getting comfortable enough to not keep such a stoic expression around you like before. âIt's not that often. I will try to do it as much as I can, but it's hard. You know, my mum would ask your mum about you all the time, she just hides it from me,â
You snorted at that, yet internally, you felt touched at Mrs Park's concern for you even when you and her son stopped being friends. It was hard to avoid her whenever you went home considering she lived in the house next to your family. Not that you had ill intentions to dodge her, but seeing her after what went down, you didn't have the courage to face her. Mrs Park was relentless to say the least, she'd always find her way to speak to you no matter what, and sometimes, you could see how sorry she was from her eyes alone.
âI'm sure my mum does the same too and she just never tells me.â
The journey there didnât take long with several conversations here and there with Sunghoon, the small talks lasted longer than how it usually would, and that alone was saying something. There were some laughs shared together, in the midst of the moment, you couldnât help letting your gaze on his smile linger for more than a second. It was the first few times you got to see Sunghoon letting himself go around you just like old times.Â
Sunghoon wasnât kidding when he mentioned the first stop would be your favourite restaurant. It was surprising to see the restaurant again after almost a year of not dropping by. The times you went back to your hometown was to visit your parents only, there were barely any second thoughts about stopping to visit your favourite spots. Maybe it was also because you were scared to relive the best memories you had with Sunghoon and the only way was to avoid the places you created unforgettable moments with him.
âI havenât been here in forever,â you looked around at the unchanging interior of the restaurant, the walls were decorated with simple paintings and a picture of you and Sunghoon together with the restaurant owner. Beside that picture was another one that caught your eye instantly. Squinting, you realised that it was Sunghoon with the owner in more recent years, most likely a year ago. He really did come back to visit much more consistently than you, especially to the places you grew up going to together. âIs that you in the picture?â
Sunghoon raised his eyebrows, turning to follow your line of sight and realisation dawned on his face at the picture that was next to the old one of you and him. âOhâthat, yeah it is. It was taken a year ago. I only started coming back here last year. I was surprised she recognised me after all those years. It was quite awkward when she asked me about you though,â
âI can imagine,â you cringed at the image of people asking either one of you about the other, you've been so close since forever where everyone assumed you and him came in pairs. âI didnât think youâd come back here,âÂ
âWhy not?â
âDoesnât it remind you too much of us?â
Sunghoon smiled at that, a hint of curiosity sparked in your eyes at his reaction. âThatâs the reason why I came back actually ⌠regardless of what happened,â
You could sense some sadness in his voice when he said that despite wearing an unwavering smile. There was an odd feeling in your heart knowing that you were wrong all along. Sunghoon never hated you, not even once. In fact, he missed you just as much as you did, or more judging from what he'd said. Was it relief, regret or sadness that you felt?
âShould we order?â he noticed the solemness settling in your face, taking the initiative to change the subject and divert your attention away from your thoughts. âHow about we order our usual?â
âDo you still remember mine?â
âI do. I'd never forget anything about you.â
Every part of you was filled with nostalgia once you tasted the food you grew up eating. It was a shame your fear clouded you from coming back to the restaurant, you've missed it more than you expected. However, it was probably the best choice that you made unknowingly. It wouldn't have felt the same without Sunghoon. Eating the same food with the same person that you had done so years ago proved that you would've missed his presence if he wasn't there.
âYou two are going to the Olympics next month, right?â the restaurant owner, Mrs Kim, came by your table to check up on you and Sunghoon, who answered her question with a short 'yes'. She turned to you, and it was then you realised how much older she's gotten over the years of not seeing her. Time really has slipped through your fingers. âI haven't seen you in years. I was really happy to see you winning in the last Olympics,â
You bowed your head slightly, smiling at the fact that she remembered you even though you practically disappeared for a long period of time. âThank you. I really wished I got the time to stop by too,â
âIt's okay, you're probably busy, aren't you? It just makes me really, really happy to see you here with him now. I remember how you and him loved coming by to hang out and eat,â Mrs Kim reminisced thoughtfully, spreading the effect to you and possibly Sunghoon as well. She took a quick glance at the wall where your old picture was. âHow about we take a new photo? I'll make sure to stick it on the wall to show how much our Olympic medallists had grown,â
You and Sunghoon laughed awkwardly, but neither of you rejected her offer either. At the same spot in the restaurant where you stood years back, in the exact position standing beside Mrs Kim with Sunghoon to her right, you smiled at the camera, listening to the click coming from the phone as the picture was taken. As Mrs Kim ran to check on the pictures, you looked over at Sunghoon, meeting his eyes at once as he had already been staring at you before that.Â
It was unspoken, but you knew what he meant. This moment was something you and him both needed after everything that went down. It was a start over, a reflection on your past and reliving your memories. You were there then, also creating new memories for your future-self, looking back to feel nothing but relief that you and Sunghoon had patched up the cracks.
There was a small, genuine smile that crept onto your face. It was filled with nothing but sincere joy and relief. At that, Sunghoon reciprocated your smile, chuckling a little too. A wave of emotions flowed through the two of you in that instance, because you knew, there was nothing in this world that could ever take this moment away from you, never again.Â
The next stop right after breakfast was your parents' homes.Â
There was a sense of ease in the air ever since you left the restaurant. You and Sunghoon no longer were as tense as before, feeling rather comfortable in your own skin compared to the awkwardness you suffered from last time. Sunghoon couldn't hide his nervousness about going home, and if you thought about it too, you started feeling the same.
You didn't tell your parents you were visiting, after all it was an impromptu trip and you figured a surprise visit would be nice. 'Surprise' probably wouldn't be enough to describe your return together with Sunghoon. You doubted anyone could've seen this coming.
âLet's meet up after to get lunch, how does that sound?â Sunghoon and you were standing outside of his car that was parked on the sidewalk right by each of your houses.Â
âSounds good. I'll text you,â
âSure. I'll let you know when I'm done too,â he glanced over your shoulder, looking at his house before averting his gaze to yours. It didn't take long for you to piece together what was going through his mind. Memories of your childhood, that was most likely flooding his head. âSee you,â
âSee you in a while too.â
It was odd. Watching Sunghoon entering his home, you couldn't get yourself to enter yours. Not because you were scared of your parents whatsoever, it was mainly due to a weird feeling clouding your senses. Every moment, everything, from the restaurant up until standing on the sidewalk with Sunghoon, it reminded you of your past that you were reliving in the present, except you were much older and had different circumstances. Growing up was weird.
Your parents were definitely surprised to see you walking through the front door. Nevertheless, they engulfed you in a hug and asked about your sudden visit. Once you mentioned Sunghoon, their eyes almost popped out, and you had to explain everything from the start to the end.Â
âSo, I guess we're friends again,â
âOh, thank God,â your mother sighed dramatically, clutching onto her chest. You were already tired from her antics and it has only been an hour. âThank God you and Sunghoon are back to being friends. I was wondering if you two will ever talk again,â
âWe were almost never going to talk forever. Things weren't as smooth sailing in the beginning, but I'm glad we worked through it somehow,â you shrugged, lips flattening into a thin line.Â
âDid you know Sunghoon would always visit us whenever he's back here?â your dad chimed into the conversation, it was his turn to surprise you with something new that you never knew about, so you shook your head. âHe practically begged us not to tell you because he knew you'd be angry,âÂ
âHe did?â you breathed out in disbelief and shock, not expecting Sunghoon would go out of his way to visit your parents as well. All while you and him were on bad terms, that was way more than necessary. You felt yourself melting into the couch, another level of guilt built internally. âHe cared ⌠way more than I thought.â
The day eventually rolled by swiftly after eating lunch and an early dinner with both yours and Sunghoon's family. The two families hadn't had the chance to sit down and catch up together as a whole in years. It wasn't the same in those years of bad blood, and now that everything was back to the way it should be, you could tell both families were at peace just as much as you were. Inevitably, you had to bid them goodbye with a heavy heart, accepting their wishes for the Olympics and stealing one last look to remember the moment.
The evening sun was setting soon, the sky was painted a hue of orange and yellow. You missed the feeling of watching the sunset back at home. This time around, however, you didn't feel a sense of sadness in you anymore, unlike how you did in the past. The sun was disappearing from sight as you stared out of the window. Sunghoon was bringing you to the last spot that he'd usually go to during his routine visit: your old training centre.
You still remember the last few times you visited the training centre. Once was after the Tokyo Olympics where you and some of your other teammates that you trained with at your old club came to meet some of the young swimmers. There was the other time when you personally visited to see your old coach, having the chance to speak to him privately and you could still recall the unavoidable mention of Sunghoon.
There you were, years later, walking by him along the vast swimming pool that you trained in with Sunghoon growing up, watching evening training sessions of the youth swimmers. Eventually, you and him decided to take a seat in the stands, feeling worn out after a long day. You turned to him, unwavering eyes trained on his face. âIâm surprised you would visit everytime youâre here even though you transferred,â
âItâs where everything started,â he had his attention on the training session happening below, a smile filled with reminiscence of the past slowly crept onto his lips. âItâs where all my memories are. I could remember every little memory of us being here from years ago,â
âI suppose youâre right. Whenever Iâm here, I feel oddly nostalgic. Every part of the pool has a story behind it, thatâs how much time we spent here,â you hugged your arms around yourself, leaning forward to get a clearer look of the swimmersâ performances.Â
Sunghoon averted his gaze, turning to meet your eyes instead. There was a hint of fondness in those warm, brown irises that reflected a different version of you in them. They lingered for a beat longer before he finally spoke. âIâm glad youâre here with me this time,â there was no mistaking the sincereness in both his voice and his gaze, the truth of his was the same as how you felt. It truly was the closure that you and him needed. âYou have no idea how much I missed you whenever Iâm here,â
The edge of your mouth twitched, there was an unexplainable feeling in your heart, something that youâve experienced around Sunghoon one too many times back then and it seemed to have returned once more. âAnd you have no idea how I feel the same about you when Iâm here too.â
Going home, there was a much lighter atmosphere surrounding you and Sunghoon compared to before. You couldnât explain it, but you just knew the trust and love that had existed in the past was coming back stronger than ever. It was a day filled with nostalgia, reminiscence and also vulnerability. Youâd never thought youâd confess your inner thoughts to him until he did, being the first to open up and allowing you to realise he wasnât the bad guy that you made him out to be in your head. He was Park Sunghoon, the same as the one you grew up with, the first boy who showed you everything and made you feel emotions youâve never experienced.Â
He was your best friend. Yet, deep inside of you, you knew in those two words, âbest friendâ, there was something more than simply just that.
One month. 30 days.Â
The Paris Olympics seemed to be closer than imagined. From being a faraway dream to becoming a reality, the Olympics were the only thing clouding your thoughts day and night, just as it was for your teammates. You and your teammates have yet to stop pushing yourselves with the reminder of winning a gold medal, the weight of it made everyone tense and having a harder time to calm down.Â
âShould we get some drinks tonight?â Yunjin proposed at the end of the training, looking expectantly at every one of you. âItâs the weekend and we have some time off,â
âNo clubs please,â Anton threw his head back, dreading the thought of getting drunk at the club and being disoriented again, especially when the big day was coming.
âWho said weâll be going to the club?â Yunjinâs smirk was telling you that she had a grand idea brewing in her head already. âCome to my place. I have the best drinks to offer,â
The temptation of drinking somewhere other than the club was getting to you and the others. With the accumulated stress and endless training, all you wished for was a chance to let go even for only a second. Now that Yunjin had proposed an idea that was hard to reject, the devil on your shoulder was calling for you to agree.
âIâm down,â Sunghoon was the first to agree to Yunjinâs idea, his eyes immediately meeting yours when you looked over at him. He flashed you a faint smile, giving you a drinking gesture to which you rolled your eyes at.
âYou know what, me too,â Juyeon, who stood next to Sunghoon, threw his arm around Sunghoon, bouncing slightly on his heels. Following him, the others agreed too, and you inevitably went along.Â
âIâll pick you up,â Sunghoon said as he passed by you before disappearing with the guys to their locker rooms. Yunjin and Yujin were staring at you with a type of smile that you knew was up to no good.Â
âWhat?â you wrapped your towel around you and started making your way to the locker room as well, the other two running up to catch up with you.Â
âYou and Sunghoon have gotten really close,â Yunjin nudged you with her elbow.
âIsnât that what you all wanted? Since you locked me in a room with him,â you wiggled an accusatory finger at both Yunjin and Yujin who were equally guilty for conjuring up the idea and going along with it. âIs it supposed to be surprising that weâre close friends again?â
You remembered that day clearly and what exactly happened after. Once you made up with Sunghoon, you and him werenât freed from the room immediately as you wished for it to be. Instead, you were in there for over an hour, stuck with Sunghoon and having to converse with him even though he had just witnessed your breakdown in front of him. Admittedly, it was a great bonding time that did help in repairing your relationship, but you were still holding that grudge that your friends had run off to leave you fending for yourself in that locker room.
Thankfully, their efforts were not in vain. After that, you and Sunghoon became closer as each day passed by. Although it was a little awkward and tense at some points in time, you still managed to get over it, building back the friendship that you used to have together. You could tell Coach Jeon was much more relaxed than usual seeing you and Sunghoon talk and interact. Not to mention, the trip back to your hometown has made a monumental impact on you and him, getting the closure that the both of you needed and finally putting everything behind.Â
âWellâŚno,â Yujin interjected, a finger placed on her chin as if she was pondering deeply about something, then she turned to look at you sharply. âBut, what ifâŚâ
You pulled a face at her, absolutely confused at what she was trying to mean. âWhat if?â
âWhat if,â it was Yunjinâs turn to chime in, raising her eyebrows suggestively at you. âWhat if you and Sunghoonââ
âNever!â you blurted out, stopping Yunjin from finishing the sentence that you knew what was going to end with. That question has been asked ever since you were kids till your teen years, and you were getting deja vu at that moment. The thought of Sunghoon and you dating has always pulled a convulsive reaction out of you.
âWhat?â Yunjin and Yujin shrieked, halting in their steps which prompted you to follow suit, staring frantically at them as though youâve spoken a curse that had shook them.
âYou had Park Sunghoon wrapped around your little finger since you were a kid and you never onceânot even onceâthought about him in that sense? Do you know how popular he is?âÂ
You knew Sunghoon was popular ever since you were a kid. It didnât matter if it was in school, in the club or around your neighbourhood, his name had a reputation to it, the âcute swimmer boyâ was typically how people described him. The crushes people had on him were something you wished you would forget too, not because of jealousy whatsoever, but mainly because you were dragged into it for no reason at all.
âIâve never considered it before,â you said simply, avoiding their watchful gazes, but were met with doubtful looks from the two girls.Â
âNot even once?â
You swallowed, fidgeting with your towel and slowly losing your composure. There was a momentary pause that spoke more than words were needed, followed by an uncomfortable cough. âWellâŚmaybe once,â
âOkay. Just once?â Yunjin pressed on, a satisfactory smile appearing on her lips just as imaginary devil horns appeared on her head. She knew what she was doing.Â
âOr twiceâŚâÂ
âOnly?â
âIâm leaving!â you clutched onto your towel, not sparing your friends a single look before rushing towards the locker room. Your heartbeat was increasing at a concerning rate and it was not because you were speeding up your steps, but because of the thought of Sunghoon and your friendsâ questions. This was frustrating!
Yunjin and Yujin watched as you sped walked away from them with smiles on their faces, the identical ones they had while brewing up the plan to get you and Sunghoon back together. Well, that worked, didnât it? So, their next plan should be a guaranteed success.
âYou know what Iâm thinking?â
âI think I do.â
To your absolute dismay, the conversation you had with Yunjin and Yujin completely distracted you from that moment onwards. All you could think of was Sunghoon associated with the words âwhat ifâ when you were in the shower, locker room until seeing the man himself in his car. You listened to him talk with the soft music in the background, the ambience itself painted a picture where a new light was shone on him, the thoughts returning in no time.Â
You tried your best to avoid him when you had the chance at Yunjinâs place, taking every chance to distract yourself with your friendsâ conversations while chugging down some good beer. There were a few occasions where you felt Sunghoonâs lingering stare at you, locking eyes for several seconds before being the first to look away, heat gradually crawling up to your cheeks. Damn it, Yunjin and Yujin, why did they have to put this imagery into your head? Now you can't face Sunghoon like a normal person.
âWhy are you so quiet today?â
You were startled when you heard Sunghoonâs voice coming from behind you. It was right after midnight when you were sitting on one of the chairs in the balcony all by yourself, looking out at the city skyline with a half empty bottle of beer. Sunghoon made his presence known by taking a seat next to you, keeping his unwavering gaze at you, expecting an answer from you.
You. You were the reason. That was what you wouldâve said if you had the guts to be as bold as you wished to be. However, that was already reserved for the Olympics, so you couldnât bring yourself to be bold when it came to your true feelings. What were your true feelings in the first place?
âWhat? Oh, itâs nothing. I guess itâs just finally hitting me that the Olympics are soon. Itâs quite nerve wracking,â you were lying through your teeth, and there was a small chance he could see through you.
Sunghoon propped one hand on his knee, leaning a little close to you, his eyes trained onto your face, the scent of his cologne mixed with the smell of the beer lingered in the air between you and him. âYouâre nervous? The Y/N L/N is nervous? Thatâs something new,â
âQuit teasing,â you slapped his arm in a lighthearted manner, resisting the urge to smile when you saw his face lighting up. âEveryoneâs expectations are a heavy burden. Maybe I got older and became a little more aware of everything, but Iâm finally realising not only our country is placing their hopes on us, the entire team is too,â
The emotional side of you was making its appearance once more just as it always does when you drink. Last time it was about Sunghoon, and this time it was with Sunghoon, you should be proud of the progress. Taking a swig of your beer, you tried to hide your vulnerability by acting as casual as you could. It has been ages since you and Sunghoon had these types of conversations, especially now that youâve just recently patched things up, the last thing you wanted was to dump your worries on him.
âDo you still remember what they called us?â he placed his beer bottle onto the ground, the cool night air brushing against his hair, a slight tinge of pink painted on his cheeks from the alcohol in his system. You ignored how close he was to you, your knees brushing against one another at times, his cologne being the only thing you could breathe in, every single detail of his features being as clear as day in the night. ââNational treasuresâ. Thatâs what we are. That is what I think you are. Despite everything, whether it is losing or winning, itâs something nobody could ever take away from you. Take the burden and turn it into your strength. No one would blame you for any kinds of outcome,â
There was a beat of silence, you were blinking at him, absolutely lost for words. You were touched, the emotional imbalance wasnât helping either as it made you feel a bottle of surging emotions. Most importantly, you could feel your heart skipping a beat. Was that supposed to be normal? You ignored the telling signs, opting to feign nonchalance and breaking into a smile. âSince when did you get so matured?â
Sunghoon let out a soft chuckle, turning away from you to look at the night sky instead. He breathed in deeply, exhaling just a second after, a comfortable silence settled for a split moment. âWeâre the protagonists of the world,â he said without missing a beat, then he glanced back at you with a fiery spark in those brown irises of his. âThatâs what we used to tell each other, isnât it? So, whatâs stopping us from being that again?â
He remembered. He remembered everything. Every little detail that you thought to be too insignificant for him to recall, every small moments you had together, every word you said to him, he never once forgot them. There was a slight widening of your eyes as you processed what he just said, the realisation eventually pulled a laugh of amusement out of you, a sudden wave of reminiscence filled your heart up.Â
âYouâre right. Weâre born to be national treasures and the protagonists of the world. You and I.â
Landing in Paris was a dream come true.Â
Not only were you accompanied by the entirety of the national team, but you had your closest friends by your side, the anticipation for victories were apparent in every one of you. Yunjin and Yujin couldnât contain their excitement throughout the whole plane ride either. They were bugging you about the food choices available, the opening ceremony leading up to the design of the medals. It was a miracle you managed to sleep despite their constant bickerings.
âItâs really happening, isnât it?â Yunjin whispered to you as the team were en route to the Olympic Village.Â
âIt is. It truly is,â you had a dazed look in your eyes, the passing sceneries of the city mesmerised you with the reality of you actually being there gradually hit you. âA once in four years opportunity. It is our time now.â
Unpacking your luggage was a hefty job once youâve arrived at your assigned room in the village. You shared the lodging with your two best friends along with your other teammates from the swimming team, so there was nothing much to worry about except for the amount of gossip that would happen in that space alone. No matter how tired you all were, you had no choice but to power through it and get ready for the opening ceremony in the evening.
The opening ceremony was an unforgettable experience to say the least. You were dressed in a simple suit just as the others were too, the team uniform was the only thing taking up your line of sight as you stood on the boat that was cruising along the Seine River. Countless spectators were crowded on the bridge overlooking the river, waving to the boats passing by.
âI canât believe weâre on a boat. We didnât have this in Tokyo,â Yunjin whisper-shouted to you, recounting the opening ceremony back in Tokyo four years ago while waving the flag in her hand with great enthusiasm.Â
âItâs not everyday you get to be on a boat in some expensive suit in Paris,â you threw an arm around Yunjinâs shoulder, pulling her close to your side.Â
âAnd itâs not everyday youâre just casually participating in the Olympics,â Yujin added, doing the same to you and pulling you closer to her, eliciting a laugh from both you and Yunjin. It really was a miracle and a dream to have your best friends competing with you at such a big event, and that wasnât something anyone could just brag about.
Halfway through the boat ride, you managed to squeeze past many familiar faces from your national team, some were even athletes you looked up to, and it made you feel like a fan all over again. However, that wasnât your main goal for searching around the large boat. It was the person that came to your mind ever since you landed in Paris.
âSunghoon!âÂ
He turned around at the sound of your voice calling after him, his curious gaze landed on you, warmth and familiarity filled his eyes at the sight of you accompanied by a boyish smile he would have whenever he was with you. There was no way he could hide his excitement of seeing you from the way his eyes sparkled and crinkled at the sides, looking at you as if you were the only person in his field of vision.Â
âHey,â he breathed out once you reached his side, the both of you leaned against the railings and looked out at the river. âTired?â
âVery. Canât you tell Iâve put concealer over my dark circles? I think the jet lag might hit soon,â you dramatically pointed at your under eye area, the frown on your face only pulled a humorous laugh out of Sunghoon.Â
âRest up. Our first event is tomorrow,âÂ
âAlready?â you threw your head back, groaning at the thought of early morning training.Â
âCrazy, isnât it? I have back-to-back events too,â
âWho asked you to sign up for so many anyway?â you nudged his side teasingly, sharing a brief moment of eye contact.Â
âIâm very passionate about swimming,âÂ
âSure you are,â you snickered quietly at him, sharing the same smile he had on his face. Slowly, you turned to look at him, resting your elbow on the railing. âYouâre not pushing yourself too hard, right?â
He averted his gaze from the view in front of him, glancing at you instead and meeting your rather intense eyes that held a message that he knew to decipher before you could explain further. âDonât worry about me,â he said softly. There was a hint of hesitance in his movements for a split second, but then he reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. âIâm really glad I got to spend this Olympic with you,â
Given the last Olympics in Tokyo where you and he were still in the cold war era, it never once occurred to you that youâve wasted a precious moment with him. It couldâve been a good memory where you experienced your first Olympics with the person thatâs been by your side since day one. Four years since then, in this present time, staring at his delicate features with a crowd cheering around you, there was nothing you would trade to replace this moment with him.Â
âIâm glad youâre here with me this time,â
His smile grew wider, eventually reaching his eyes that contained sparks which grew brighter as time passed. Your breath hitched, the air around you seemed to grow thicker, the breeze swept across your face, blowing against your hair. Yet, all you could do was be frozen in place, becoming much aware of the feeling of his skin on yours. How were you to explain the weird sensation of your heart tightening and racing quicker than normal? You were too young to experience cardiovascular diseases!Â
Something in you knew it wasnât symptoms of any heart diseases, it was the signs of love. That was much more frightening to you than anything else.Â
âAre youâŚokay? You dazed out for a bit,â he snapped his fingers in front of your face, bringing you back to reality after having an internal conflict with yourself.Â
âWhat? OhâIâm fine. Just a little jetlagged. I told you itâs setting in,â you laughed with a nervous undertone to it, trying to wave off any suspicion along with your own thoughts about Sunghoon.Â
âGet enough sleep tonight. Iâll be there rooting for you tomorrow. After all, your event is before mine, so Iâll be giving you my every support,â he squeezed your hand gently, unbeknownst to him, his action along with the feeling of it travelled to your heart, triggering it to thump harder against your chest. âYou better swim at your best, okay? Iâll always be able to see right through you,â
âI know youâ. You remembered it as clear as day, as though it happened just yesterday. Sunghoonâs words brought back the memory of what he had said to you during your first few altercations in training. It was a fact. There was no need for you to deny it or try to avoid that, because both you and Sunghoon knew, no matter what, youâd be able to see through one another and be the best judges of each otherâs performances. After all those years, this seemed to have not changed.
You scoffed lightheartedly, turning your face away from him for a moment to hide your flushed state before facing him once again, putting up a front of casualness. âWho are you? Coach Jeon?â
He snorted at the mention of your coach, shaking his head a little. âI think Coach Jeon would be pissed if you didnât do your best,â he was stating the obvious, considering your coach has the sharpest eyes when it comes to everyoneâs performances, there was no way anyone would dare to do so. Sunghoon raised his eyebrows at you, the slightest smile resting on his lips. âBut I donât think thatâll happen. Ever. Y/N L/N, the person I know my whole life, would never slack off or put zero effort into your swim. So, just do your best,â
âYou, do your best, too. Iâm hoping we can return home with medals around our necks,â
âOf course we are,â he said without any hesitation whatsoever, straightening his spine and wearing a confident smile, never once loosening his hold on your hand. You forgot Sunghoon tends to be the one who had more confidence than you before every competition. It has been that way ever since you were kids, and it seemed to have continued onto the present day. âDid you forget? Weâre national treasures. Weâll always bring a medal home. This time, however, itâs going to be gold,â
âYou better stick to your words,â you pointed a finger at him, the thought of winning the gold medal excited you, but it also scared you. To Sunghoon, it was just another challenge for him to tackle.Â
âI will, and you better give it your all to win that gold too. I want to win it together with you ⌠like how we used to.âÂ
Nostalgia was certainly dangerous. You couldnât help smiling at the mention of the past, thinking about the times you and Sunghoon won gold medals in your individual events. The pictures taken together with a gold medal hanging around each of your neck, smiling innocently with pure joy from winning resided in a thick photobook, becoming memories that you would never let go. It mightâve been different this time compared to the competitions from your childhood as it was the Olympics, the pressure and expectations were higher on you and him. Despite all that, the dynamic between you and Sunghoon remained the same.
Looking out at the Eiffel Tower in the distance, you realise this Olympics wasnât just a chance to fulfil your dreams, your countryâs expectations, but also the hope and dream you shared with Sunghoon since you were kids. The last Olympics mightâve not gone as well as you wished it had in terms of your friendship with Sunghoon, so this was a chance for you to turn things around. Not to mention, your inner voice bugged you constantly about your complicated feelings that have yet to have an answer. Now, that was another problem to solve.
First, youâve got to get that gold medal. Secondly, you must figure out your true feelings for your best friend. Between the two, the latter seemed much harder than the Olympic gold medal.
âYouâre telling me you thought of Sunghoon in a romantic way?â
Breaking the news while youâre warming up half an hour before the finals of your first event was probably the worst timing possible. It was even worse for Yujin and Yunjin who had just finished their semifinal round for their butterfly event.Â
Quite frankly, you couldnât blame yourself either. The thought of it was spilling at the seams since its first appearance prior to the Olympics. From that point onwards, it only seems to plague you further by taking over your mind. You were lucky you managed to make it to the top three out of the eight to qualify to the finals. The first day was already chaotic for you, to top it all off, you just couldnât avoid Sunghoon entirely and thus, the thoughts about him worsened.
âWell, correction, âthinkingâ, not âthoughtâ,â you said meekly, attempting to hide your face by stretching, but your two friends werenât letting you go easily.
âPresent tense?â Yujin shrieked, earning odd stares from reporters and other competitors around you. She pursed her lips, lowering her gaze before narrowing it at you. âSo, you do have feelings for him?â
âI donât know? Itâs not confirmed ⌠yet. I think?â
âYou havenât made up your mind yet,â Yunjin hummed, seemingly much calmer than Yujin from the looks of her demeanour. âYouâre in denial. I do think you have some feelings if you couldnât stop thinking about him,â
You stopped your actions, deciding you were done warming up, but remained motionless, a defeated sigh eventually left your lips. âWhat do I do?â
âOwn up to it. Face it,â Yunjin stated plainly, receiving a groan from you as a response.Â
âEasier said than done. The last thing I want to do is to ruin our friendship right after fixing it,âÂ
Yujin looked at you with the softest gaze, much rather in sympathy at your pathetic state. âThat wonât happen. How do you know itâs unrequited? What if Sunghoon feels the same way?â
âImpossible,â
âHey! Donât make any conclusions before knowing the truth,â Yunjin landed a smack to the back of your head, and as much as you knew you deserved that wake up call, you still hissed at the sting.
âYouâre right. I think Iâm overcomplicating everything,â
âYou are,â Yujin was straightforward, even if her honest truth was a cut to the skin, her rubbing your back in reassurance was a way to patch the wound. âHow about we have a debrief tonight at dinner? You should be focusing on whatâs much more important now,â
âThe fucking finals, Y/N! The 400m freestyle finals! Youâre against Ledecky, you should be more worried about her than Sunghoon,â Yunjin surely made a point, and it did help in giving you additional assurance.Â
You couldnât resist laughing, especially at their rather interesting way of encouragement and comfort. âLet's talk about this tonight then. Iâll make sure to swim my best later,â
âDuh, when will you ever not? Come on, Sunghoonâs 400m freestyle final is starting. Do you want to watch that or dodge him?â
âOf course Iâd want to watch it. After all, heâs still my best friend and I told him I'll be there to support him,â you remembered the unspoken promise you had with Sunghoon to win the gold medal together. With your first finals happening back-to-back, the desperation to achieve your life-long dream with each other had personally overwhelmed the thought of your nation placing their entire hope on your back.
Being at the poolside gave you a slap in the face with the reality that you were in the finals and you werenât hallucinating every part of it. You were with some of your other competitors for the finals, some were doing last warm-ups while some were sitting and waiting for the men to start their finals. You were one of those waiting for the event to begin. From the looks of your legs shaking, it was hard to determine who you were nervous for. Yourself or Sunghoon?Â
The swimmers soon take their places at their individual starting block. You could spot Coach Jeon giving Sunghoon some last minute advice before giving the boy an encouraging pat in the back, sending him off to his spot. At one point, you wondered if you were staring too intensely at the back of Sunghoonâs head. It was as if he could feel your stare and your presence simultaneously, opting to look over his shoulder instead of stretching like the other swimmers. One look was all it took for Sunghoon to spot you. He had the same spark in his eyes as the moment he saw you on the boat during the open ceremony.
His shoulders evidently sagged in relief. He breathed in deeply, followed by a striking smile that he casted specifically at you. In those years of competing together, you barely had times where your events were back-to-back, but whenever there were opportunities as such, either you or him would be relieved to see one another. Just one glance, and itâd calm your racing heart in no time. To you this time, however, instead of slowing down your beating heart, his presence only made your heart work ten times harder than usual.
Sunghoon had no choice but to take his eyes off of you once they gave out the signal to the swimmers to take their places on the starting block. Your eyes were trained solely on him, unable to tear them away from his figure as you watched him pull his goggles over his head. Quietly, and routinely, you prayed for the best.
There was a loud electronic beep that was followed by the swimmers diving into the pool, a sound of water splashing filled the arena and from that, the cheers increased by ten folds. You could barely breathe as you stared at the large projector that displayed the live televised scene of whatâs happening before you, giving everyone a much better view of the action in the pool.Â
Sunghoon was currently in a tight spot with both the German and Australian swimmers relentlessly chasing after the first place. There were times when the top three would overtake each other to secure the gold medal position just to fall back. It was only the second lap out of the eight, but you could feel yourself unconsciously gripping onto your chair tightly. To the spectators and fans, the thrill of the competition between the swimmers spurred them alive, the atmosphere in the arena became increasingly wilder from the shouts and cheers.
The swimmers completed each lap with vigour, swimming back and forth for eight laps without stopping for a second, the last lap was soon approaching once you saw Sunghoon kicked his feet off the wall, heading back to the starting spot for one last time. The underwater battle between him and the other two swimmers was becoming much more fierce, leaving the rest of the swimmers to trail behind them.Â
There was barely any gap between the three of them till the point where it became hard to determine who was in the lead. The tension was high, the fans in the crowd were shouting louder while waving the flags of their countries. You could hardly get your eyes off of the screen, the name of your best friend was displayed on the lane he was swimming in, the distance between them and the starting point was closer as each second passed.
Nobody dared to blink the next moment. Once their hands touched the walls, it was already the signal of the end. Every swimmer stopped once they had finished their lap, holding onto the edge and waiting for the results. The screams from the people watching in the stands became a hundred times louder when the leaderboard revealed the names of the top three winners. You averted your gaze to the three names, letting out a sigh of relief at the sight of Sunghoonâs name sitting in second place.
The camera panned over to show Sunghoon on the screen. There was a hint of disappointment that was hard to hide, but you could tell he was trying to put on a smile. Losing the gold medal was frustrating, however, at the end of the day, he was still a winner of the silver medal, making him the first athlete to clinch an Olympic medal for the country this early on in the campaign.Â
The swimmers eventually got out of the pool, rushing to interviews or choosing to freshen up by changing into their tracksuits. The medalists were busy tending to the reporters and once they were done, they rushed off to change so that they could get ready for the award ceremony. That was when Coach Jeon approached you, reminding you that your own event was starting soon.Â
âReady?â he patted your shoulder, giving his best to offer any form of encouragement that seemed to not have successfully calmed you down entirely.Â
âNot really, but Iâll be okay,â
âJust remember what we always practised. Those months of hard work will not be in vain, you hear me? Go out there and prove to everyone that youâre Y/N L/N. The star swimmer of the national team.â
âY/N L/N, the star swimmer of the national teamâ. You never expected that the title which has been thrown around in headlines for years to finally become somewhat significant to you until this moment. You were in a designated staging room waiting for the award ceremony to end and at the same time, to get ready for yours. The small television screen in the corner of the wall was broadcasting the entirety of the ceremony, the commentatorsâ voices were drowned out by the chatters in the room, and your sole focus was on Sunghoon who stood behind the podium.Â
The moment his name was announced, he stepped onto the podium, accepting the silver medal that was hung around his neck. There was a small smile on his face as he waved to the crowds, a smile you knew very well whenever he wasnât fully satisfied with his own results. Apparently he hasnât changed much over the years when it comes to swimming.Â
âWeâre starting in five minutes!â
That reminder brought you back to your own reality that you had to face undoubtedly. The second the awards ceremony ended as fast as it had started, preparations for your event began and not long after that, the names of every competitor were announced in order. You walked out of the tunnel right as your name was called, the sound reverberated around the arena, the cheers that followed were loud enough to shake the ground of Paris. Youâve missed this feeling.
Standing before the pool with a large crowd was indeed nerve wracking after months of not competing and swimming in a pool with no spectators around. Even though you did swim with the crowd watching the day before for the preliminary round, you felt the difference at that moment knowing it was the finals. Everyone in that arena was placing their hopes on the athletes from their own countries, it was the same for you, but nothing could compare to how you and your competitors actually felt.
There was a buzz that signalled every one of you to take your places on the starting block. At that point, everything seems clearer to you. The water in the pool, the people in the crowd, your countryâs flag, all of them were the reason why you felt almost unbeatable, they gave you strength. The beeping sound of the countdown matched the rhythm of your heartbeat, ever so calmly and steady.Â
Just as it did for the finals prior to this one, the electronic beep sounded once more and you kicked off from your starting block, diving into the pool with nothing but the goal of finishing the eight laps in your mind. Time stood still, the only thing filling your vision was the bottom of the pool along with your competitors in your peripheral vision. You didnât know what was happening above the water or which place you were currently in, with every breath you inhaled, you wished time could stop for a second.Â
Every contact with the wall gave you a purpose to keep pushing forward. More than half of the eight laps were completed, all you needed was to push yourself further. It was hard being trapped with yourself and your own thoughts, the constant ideas of what would happen after this kept bugging you even as you swam. Time was, in fact, ticking. The eight laps were soon coming to an end. There was just one last lap from you and youâd be done.Â
The starting point seemed distant from your point of view. All you could wish for was your extended hand to quickly make contact with the wall. With every pump of your heart, you counted down to the moment youâve anticipated for. One, two, three âŚ
One slight graze of your finger against the wall marked the end of your lap. You grabbed onto the edge tightly, emerging to the surface of the water and inhaling a deep breath. Practically snatching your goggles off, your head snapped towards the direction of the leaderboard. Your name sat between the Australian and American swimmers.Â
Second place. 3 minutes and 58 seconds, only a second away from first place.
You shut your eyes for at least a few seconds, forcefully swallowing your disappointment down after as you congratulated your competitors. It was the first event out of the many you were competing in. You remained optimistic even as you answered questions from the reporters, though you wished they would cut down on the gold medal questions this early into the campaign.Â
On the way to the changing room, you spot a familiar face hanging around with your coach and several other of your teammates. The sight alone brought comfort to you and your heart, there was no chance of you resisting the urge to run up to them. Anton had already beaten you to it, being the first out of the group to spot you and practically shouting your name for the whole world to know.
âCongrats! You kept your spot in the 400m freestyle,â Anton wasted no time in giving you a one handed hug. The others followed too, giving you different variations of a hug.
âI wish I couldâve upgraded, you know?â
âItâs better than none, right? But I do know what you mean, and I believe youâve done your best,â Anton gave your shoulder a light squeeze, offering a warm smile.
âYou did good, Y/N. You were in great form today, but sometimes thereâll be people with better form. Donât let that get to you and focus on the next event, okay?â Coach Jeon patted you softly on your back, recognising the disappointment in your tone. âGo on and change up, the awards ceremony is soon. Letâs go and not bother Y/N first. Weâll see you later,â
Coach Jeon gave you one last pat on the back then left with the others trailing behind him, all of them cheering you on as they passed you. In the end, it was always your team whoâs your biggest support system. That has never changed over the years, and it would never change even for the future, you were very sure of that.Â
Amongst the group of your teammates who had already left, one happened to stay back and waited for the chance to speak to you alone. You didnât expect seeing this person would bring you more comfort after losing the lead. Not a hug or some encouraging words, his presence alone was what you needed in times like this, just the same as it was years ago.
âHey,â Sunghoon had his hands tucked into his pants, the silver medal was still hanging around his neck. You figured he had just finished taking pictures and was freshly done with the press conference. From the tiredness in his voice, you wished he had gone off to rest as well, but knowing him, he would rather see you first than do all that.
âHey,â you said back, letting him be the one to walk towards you and closing the gap. Pointing at the silver medal that he was sporting, you stared at him with a knowing smile. âYou better not beat yourself up over this,â you landed a firm punch to his shoulder, but unlike how he wouldâve usually reacted, he just accepted it with a grin growing on his lips, neither dodging or groaning from it. There was something so soft about his eyes that stared back at you, an unreadable mix of emotions that youâve never seen before reflected in his those brown irises.Â
âI wonât,â he chuckled, hands unknowingly reaching to touch his silver medal. âAfter all, this is only the beginning. Thereâll be a gold medal soon,â
âI need some of your confidence. Youâre always so certain about your goals and youâd end up achieving it,â you pointed out without a second thought, and you werenât exactly wrong either, earning an amused chuckle from him. âYou better let me wear the gold medal once you win it,â
âHey, didnât we have this conversation before? Weâre both winning the gold medal. Donât forget that,â he frowned at you, thick eyebrows knitting together and it only made you smile in endearment. âIâm not winning this without you. I want to achieve our dream together,â
âYouâre ridiculous,â you let out in disbelief, but from the look on Sunghoonâs face, you knew he was dead serious. Sunghoon was determined to achieve this goal with you no matter what, and he was going to succeed despite the circumstances. Just as youâve said, Sunghoon has always achieved his goals that he was certain of, this one was the same as the rest to him.
âYou said Iâm certain about my goals, so here I am. Iâm sure weâd win it. Together.âÂ
There was an overflowing amount of sureness in his conviction till the point where it had influenced you gradually. If there was one thing about Sunghoon, itâd be the fact that once heâs set his mind on something, heâd do anything to get it. You were just worried that mindset would wear him out in the long run if something didnât go his way.
âIâll hold you to it then,â
âHey Y/N! The ceremony is starting in five minutes! Go change up! Iâll see you out there,â the American swimmer who secured third place, Katie Ledecky, spotted you still unchanged and in your swimsuit.Â
âOhâalright! Thanks!â you waved at her, casting her an appreciative smile, and once she was out of sight, you turned back to Sunghoon, looking rather awkward at the sudden interruption. âI need to get goingââ
âRight. Iâm sorry for holding you up,â
âNo, itâs okay. Iâm ⌠really glad I got to see you before going out there. Iâm less nervous now,âÂ
âReally?â
âReally,â
A beat of silence filled the space between you right after. Internally, you were freaking out for admitting your thoughts so freely as youâve just done. What was Sunghoon going to think now that youâve said that? Would he interpret it as something else? What ifâ
âIâll get going now. See you after the ceremony,â
âSee you!â
There you went scurrying away from Sunghoon like a coward with your heart rate increasing, mentally cursing at yourself for your slip of a tongue. At any moment, you might as well confess your deeply hidden inner feelings to him. The gold medal, the pressure of winning and the expectations from everyone else could no longer amount to the stress of your true feelings towards Park Sunghoon.Â
Even as you stood on the podium with everyone watching, you couldnât bring yourself to take your mind off of Sunghoon. In the midst of the crowd, you could easily spot him together with your teammates. It was your moment, your victory, the few times you could call yourself a winner on a stage as big as this, but the only person you could think of was your best friend.Â
The same best friend that grew up watching movies at your house, sometimes staying up too late just because you couldn't stop talking and wishing the night would never end. He was your best friend who would tell you stories about how one day you'd both be competing at the Olympics, and he was the one who'd hold your hand whenever you felt overwhelmed no matter where you were.
You had always thought those weird feelings you'd have in your heart were common everytime he said something to you or whenever he held your hands. Never once you thought those nights you stayed up with him, lying on your bedroom floor, talking about your futures where you stared at him with something other than platonic love in your eyes was odd. You remembered the time he laughed so hard until his eyes turned crescent shaped, and that was when you felt your heart skipping a beat, not knowing this wasn't as common as it seemed.Â
It was not normal. None of those things were ever normal. All of them went flying over your head instead. In that moment, while the national anthem played in the background, you've come to finally realise you've always felt this way for Sunghoon since forever. Those years together were just you denying your feelings for him, avoiding the fear of ruining your friendship. Up until now, you still had that underlying fear especially with the fall out that happened. But your heart was screaming louder at you, clouding the fear and pushing you towards him.
With the applause and camera flashes going off, you forced a smile, the grip on the flowers and your medal tightened, because it finally dawned on you, the undeniable truth that you've suppressed for almost your life was emerging.Â
You're in love with Park Sunghoon.
Nothing has been the same for you ever since coming to terms with the realisation that you romantically loved Sunghoon.
Your friends could tell you were acting a little off that day when you won your first medal, barely able to swallow down your food during dinner as you talked about Sunghoon. Even though you initially shrugged it off by saying it was just jet lag, it didnât take long before you cracked and confessed the actual truth to your friends. Did they see it coming beforehand? Absolutely. Were they helpful? Not so. âJust tell himâ, âI think he feels the sameâ were the inputs from your friends that seemed to have made your head a mess.
Youâve always been brave. There were times where you had to face challenges thrown at you from every direction and somehow you managed to deal with them. For instance, you got through your injuries with courage and determination, nobody doubted that fact. But when it came to your feelings, bravery and determination was practically nonexistent, only quiet longing and pining existed.
âYou better not beat yourself up over this,â the familiar words coming from Sunghoon who appeared beside you almost made you jump in surprise.Â
Another silver medal won, another close chance to get gold, merely missing by a small margin. You wished to be as optimistic as you were at the beginning, but the disappointment seemed to have built up gradually. The reminder from Sunghoon made you smile upon realising that he had just repeated what you said to him before, it was a genuine smile unlike the one that you put on the podium.Â
âIâll try not to,â you removed the medal from your neck, clutching onto it in your hand. âAfter all, you did say a gold medal is coming soon, didnât you?â
âI did. Donât you remember weâre having the mixed medley relay in less than an hour?â
âRight. Our first event together,â your grip on your medal tightened unconsciously, the sudden awareness of your feelings towards him was causing your brain to haywire. Why now? âWe havenât competed together since we were fifteen,â
âI donât think they saw Iâm promising in mixed and men's medley,â he chuckled, shaking his head as he recalled the day he was announced to be replaced in the line up. âHow ironic it is that Iâm back to square one,â
âMust be fate, isnât it? The domino effect that led us here,â you marvelled at the fact that your reconciliation with Sunghoon happened at the cost of Yeonjunâs demise. Sunghoon seemed to have caught onto the gist of the meaning behind your words, shaking his head and laughing quietly.Â
âI hope Yeonjunâs doing fine,â
âHe is. Heâs just bummed that he had to miss the Olympics. Iâm surprised at how nonchalant he is about it though,âÂ
âMaybe, maybe not. Youâd never know. Anyway, I think we should get going, we need to get ready with the rest,â he gave your back a light pat, nodding his head over to where your coach and teammates stood, signalling for you to go there together. In less than thirty minutes, youâd be swimming in the mixed medley relay, not knowing what the outcome would be like against the other powerful teams, especially with Sunghoon as a replacement, it was impossible to predict anything.Â
âWhat do you think might happen?â You couldnât help wondering aloud as you and Sunghoon made your way, occasionally stealing glances at the pool where the current event was taking place. Â
âItâs hard to say. Iâve never done this before and making it to the finals was already a miracle for someone who has little experience like me. I just hope this will be the moment,â he had a small pensive frown, eyebrows furrowed as if he was fighting with his thoughts internally. You instantly knew what he meant by âthe momentâ, the silver medal in your hand somehow becoming heavier at the longing for your shared desire of winning the gold medal.
Despite the tense atmosphere with the pressure to win the gold medal, you managed to let out a genuine, carefree laugh, looping your arm around Sunghoonâs in the heat of the moment. Unbeknownst to you, he tensed for a second and his eyes were flickering in panic at your touch. You turned to look at him, a wide, infectious grin plastered on your face, reminding Sunghoon of many moments you shared with him in the past, feeling a sudden surge of deja vu but also an unfamiliar sensation gripping at his chest.Â
âWith us together, Iâm sure weâd be the protagonists of the world, like always.â
Walking out of the tunnel with you and your teammates names being announced to the whole arena to hear was a surreal moment. You had ignored the way your heart raced from the simplest action of holding Sunghoonâs hand for a split second when all of you raised your interlocked hands in greeting to the fans. It was torture to pretend you were completely normal even when Sunghoon casted you a smile right after you dropped your hands. It was almost as if he knew and was mocking you.
âAlright guys,â Anton started, taking the chance while all you were huddled together removing your tracksuits. âAfter our months of training together and from the results recorded each time, Iâm sure weâll be able to face this and get a medal home. Donât think much, weâre going to win this,â
Anton, being the groupâs hype man for every competition, didnât fail to restore the heavy atmosphere yet again. The rest of you smiled at his encouraging words that were filled with confidence, making quiet cheers and taking turns to give him a grateful pat in the back. There were some wishes of good luck and last encouragements shared around the group before Anton took his position on the starting block, being the first to begin for the backstroke leg in the relay.Â
The electronic buzz was no stranger to any of you by then. At the sound of it, every swimmer dived into the pool, swimming faced up with their arms moving in a windmill-like fashion. You could tell Yujin and Sunghoon were both holding their breaths, watching Anton and the two other swimmers fighting for the lead. Hell, you were too, wishing you could choose to close your eyes instead.
Before you knew it, Sunghoon was already making his way to the starting block to get in position. The time was ticking, you knew it was selfish but you couldnât help yourself from grasping onto his hand, stopping him in his steps, catching him off guard like a deer in headlights. âGood luck,â it was nothing much, a simple expression just like any other, yet you couldnât explain the reason why you had to tell it to him personally.
It wasnât obvious, but from the looks of his expressions softening, melting into a relieved smile as if a huge boulder had been taken off his shoulders, Sunghoon seemed to have needed to hear it from you just as much as you needed to tell it to him. âThank you. Really.â
You let go of his hand, watching as he took his position the same way as he had always done in practices. There was a sense of calmness around him. He fixed his swim cap once, pulling on his goggles after, strictly in a particular order that he followed since the start of his career. His small habits and the superstitions he believed in never changed even after all those years. Â
The moment Anton was nearing, Sunghoon dived into the pool. Your head snapped to the leaderboard displayed on the big screen, heart nearly stopping at the sight of the team being in first place at that moment. Yujin followed your sight, letting out a breath of disbelief. You turned to meet her eyes, exchanging a knowing look and placed your arms around the other. Nothing could compare to the anxiety you were feeling as the person who was going last.
Yujin was the next to dive into the pool after Sunghoon reached the starting point. He climbed out, absolutely drenched and breathing heavily from the swim. Anton went up to him and gave him a wordless squeeze to the shoulder, letting Sunghoon catch his breath first while they watched the scene unfolding before them.Â
Soon, it was your cue to get in position on the starting block. Anton patted your shoulder, saying a haste âgood luckâ once more as you made your way there. Sunghoon was quiet, he knew you more than anyone would, and in that exact second, he understood that you didnât need another word of encouragement. Instead, he held onto your hand, squeezing it tightly, keeping his eyes locked with yours as he nodded his head, a slight smile on his lips. That was truly all you needed from him.
The feeling when you pulled your goggles over your head, eyes facing straight on the water was simply unexplainable, complex even. It was the same as it had been for days, months, years, but this time, in this exact instant, why did everything feel different? Was it because of the lead and the pressure to uphold it as the person in the last leg? You shook away every one of those intrusive thoughts, focusing on Yujin getting closer.Â
Just as she got close enough, you knew it was your cue to dive into the pool, letting the water engulf you whole as you kicked your legs, propelling yourself upward to the surface. Your hands and legs were working in tandem, going over the limit to execute your best movement. Every intake of air was scarce, filling your lungs with the right amount as you turned your head each time.Â
Before you knew it, you had already reached one point, executing a swift flip turn, then you were swimming towards the starting point, towards the end of the relay. You had no idea what was happening above the water, whether or not you were still maintaining the lead, all you could was empty your mind and swim despite the tiredness wearing you down after having to compete in another event earlier on. You finally understood the struggles of having two finals in a day that your teammates would constantly complain about at that moment.Â
You didnât dare to move your head a single inch, maintaining the perfect position as you swam even though you were curious how far you were from the other end of the wall. Time was slow when you were the one swimming, the concept of everything happening around you was unknown to you. Your heart dropped to your stomach the second you felt your finger lightly brush against the wall, instantly gripping onto the edge with overwhelming suspense to know what the results were. You were holding your breath as you resurfaced, ears muffled for a split second before you were swarmed with your teammates who all crouched by you, barely having the chance to spare a glance at the leaderboard.
âWe won! We fucking won!â Yujin shouted, barely containing her emotions as tears started streaming down her face, swim cap gripped tightly in her hands.Â
âWe did it. Oh my God,â Anton exclaimed, letting his own emotions overwhelm him as he buried his face into his hands, not budging when Yujin wrapped her arms around him.
Sunghoon reached his hand out to you, his eyes were rimmed with a soft crimson hue, the redness highlighting the raw vulnerability within that he tried so hard to mask. The lashes glistened with unshed tears, and the whites of his eyes seemed to shimmer, revealing the depth of his unspoken feelings. Each blink threatened to spill over, this moment was what you and him have been waiting for. âWe finally did it. We made it.â
You accepted his hand, allowing him to help you out of the water, but before he could fully stand straight, you had already pounced on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug. Sunghoon melted into your touch, holding you close to him with his arms around you with no space left for you to move. The leaderboard was turning blurry in your vision that was gradually filling with tears, your grip on him tightening and your head leaned onto his shoulder, tears mixing with the pool water on his skin.Â
He pulled away for a moment, hands still holding onto you, never wanting to let go for just a split second. There was nothing said, yet you could feel every emotion he was trying to convey through his eyes. Those shaking hands of his travelled from your waist to your face, cradling it in them, the softness of his palm pressed against your skin. It was fast, him leaning in to press a kiss that lasted longer than a second, the aftermath of it being you and him staring at each other with a mixed reaction of surprise and softness. Before you could say anything, he pulled you back into a hug, wrapping his arms around you tighter than ever.Â
The cheers around you were drowned out, the presence of the other swimmers were long forgotten, all you could think of was you and Sunghoon only. As you held onto each other as if there was no tomorrow, you never knew how impactful this win was to you and him. If either of you had won your first gold medal in your individual events, everything wouldâve turned out differently. But with this shared win, the long awaited gold medal win that you and him swore to achieve together, your dreams had come true, and it was done side by side.Â
Standing on the podium next to your teammates and most importantly, the person that youâve been through thick and thin with, receiving the gold medal that hung around your neck perfectly, you wondered if it was all a daydream. You reached for Sunghoonâs hand, slipping yours into his that he instinctively accepted, glancing at you with the widest smile in his face that was immediately burned into your brain, an image that was impossible to recreate. It was real, everything was real. The win, the feeling of victory, your unwavering feelings for the man that was holding onto your hand tightly, all of those were equally real.Â
âWhat should we do to celebrate?â Anton had his eyes glued on his gold medal the rest of the day, unable to store it away for just a second. Every one of you thought he mightâve already developed an attachment to it.
âSleep, rest. We still have our last day tomorrow,â Yujin let out a massive yawn, muscles worn out for the time being to even be able to muster any leftover energy. Unfortunately, you had no choice but to agree with her, the only one who seemed to have enough energy to celebrate was Anton.
âRight, the men and womenâs medley relay finals,â Anton murmured, his enthusiasm for a celebration was crushed after realising he still had one more event to go before being able to celebrate fully. âReady for another round, Sunghoon?â
Sunghoon, who only looked rather dreadful at the mention of their next and last event, showed a frown as a response, thinking about the possibilities that would emerge from the big event. âIâm scared. China and the US ⌠Franceââ
Anton, carefree as always, slapped Sunghoon in the back. âDonât be pessimistic, weâll be fine. Isnât that true, Y/N?â
You averted your attention away from the screen of your phone, looking up and unknowingly meeting Sunghoonâs eyes almost at once. It was unexpected, the intensity of his stare was all you needed to know that he had been stealing glances at you before this. The suddenness of it made you fluster for a second, nearly forgetting what Anton had just said. âYâyeah, you guys will be fine. The team medalled at the world championships anyway,â
âYou hear that? Donât worry about tomorrow. Letâs bask in the glory!â Anton threw his arms around Sunghoon, successfully stealing his attention and giving you a chance to look away, calming your heart that was beating out of control.Â
Taking down one challenge at a time for your forte. With a gold medal secured, youâve succeeded at the main task at hand. Now that your biggest obstacle was gone, there came another tumbling towards you: Park Sunghoon. You swore to yourself youâd get a gold medal first before dealing with that, and since youâve always been someone who stuck to your words, it seemed to have come to haunt you instead.
Mission âtell Sunghoon how you feelâ was about to be tougher and scarier, probably a much higher chance of a heartbreak than any competitions youâd have ever participated in.Â
Who wouldâve known that the Olympics had ended as fast as it started. One day you were just arriving at the village and the next thing you knew, youâre in the airport waiting for your flight home. Four medals won, a friendship mended, many unforgettable memories made, all of which happened in the course of a few months leading up to the Olympics and also the weeks that you spent in Paris.
âWhatâs in your mind?â Sunghoon crept up to the empty seat next to you in the lounge as everyone waited to board the flight. You turned your head to the direction of his voice, your body instantaneously reacting to him before your mind could fully process his presence.Â
âIâm just thinking about how quick this whole Olympics passed by,â you leaned your back onto the seat, Sunghoon following your action without removing his gaze on you.Â
âIsnât it crazy how training started a few months ago?â Sunghoon chuckled at the thought of his first day in a new team that totally freaked him out. That entire nonchalant persona he put on was a complete facade, though he would never admit it aloud. âAnd now youâre going home with four medals,â
âSays the man who has five,â you nudged his shoulder with yours in a lighthearted manner, exchanging a brief smile with him. âItâs weird how six years of us not talking feels like it never happened before, like it was some kind of blip in the matrix. Iâm glad weâre able to patch things up and go back to the way it was,â
âMe too. I missed this. I missed us,â it was odd, the way Sunghoon looked at you with emotions that youâd never seen, the vulnerability breaking through his voice, everything felt intimate, too intimate for just a simple conversation in the middle of an airport with everyone around. He took your hand and placed it in his, soft eyes crinkled in the corners with a gentle smile that he always had around you. âOnce weâre back home, how about you and I take a short trip to our hometown again? Just the both of us like the last time,â
Staring at him, you were quite stunned, blinking feverishly, and at the same time, the feelings that you tried to shake off so many times were returning at that exact second. âIâd love to. We can grab our favourite lunch set like always,âÂ
Sunghoon snorted, but he was nodding along despite the amusement. âYouâre right. We didnât get that when we were there that day,â
âI forgot! Plus, we had lunch with our family, Iâm sure the overdue reminiscing can wait for a little longer,â
âThat is why weâre going to go back for a week or more, do the things we always did and visit the places we went when we were kids,â Sunghoon snapped his fingers, staring at you with sparkling eyes. You could tell he really did miss home and his hometown with you in it. âDo you remember the secret hideout we had? The one in the park?â
âYou mean the swing?â you smiled at the mention of your shared memories, remembering bits and pieces of it that has yet to be brought up until then.
âYes, our swing,â Sunghoon enunciated the word âourâ, a cheeky grin plastered on his lips that told you he was about to say something abysmal. âI really want to go back to that spot with you. Do you still remember that one time you dragged me there at night sobbing because the coach said youâre off by two seconds?â
âOh my God, shut up,â you landed a hit on Sunghoonâs shoulder, the latter continued to laugh at the fond memory, ignoring your eye roll. His laughter and his smile that reached all the way up to his eyes made you feel fuzzy inside, the picture of it was eternally imprinted onto your mind. âI was such an overachiever,â
âYou still are,â he managed to say in between laughters, gradually settling down and unbeknownst to you, his shoulder was pressed against yours, the gap between you and him were becoming nonexistent. âThat is why youâre an Olympic champion,â
You shook your head, waving your hand at him. âPlease, donât flatter me and my ego,â
âItâs true! You really are amazing, you know that?â Sunghoon exclaimed, not a single trace of dishonesty was found in his words, his expressions showing genuinity. If he was able to read minds, he wouldâve heard your mind yelling at you right after that. You were short circuiting, unable to generate a response. âIn my whole life of knowing you, youâre truly one of the best, both in terms of swimming and simply as a person. Youâre smart, kind, talented aâand everything. Frankly, youâre my favourite person,âÂ
Are you in love with me? Because Iâm in love with you too. You wanted to spill that out of your mouth, vomit your inner thoughts and feelings that you held in for so long, wishing you could make it clear to him how you actually feel and stop yourself from continuously confusing everything. What did he mean by all of that? Was it a casual compliment? To you, none of that was casual and normal. What kind of signals was he trying to give?Â
âThank you,â you were breathless, simply because you were barely breathing and you had been holding your breath in ever since the start of his rant. âYâyouâre amazing too, really. Nobody could ever amount to you ⌠youâre my one and only,â was this a suitable time and place to confess your undying love for him, your childhood best friend that you had feelings for? In this airport filled with athletes, being in the city of love, with the clock ticking down to 11:11, you were about to do the unthinkable that youâve been overthinking for countless nights. âI have something to say, actually. Sunghoon, I actually am inââ
âGuys! Time to gather and board!â
F.M.L.
âWhat is it?â Sunghoon stared at you expectantly, eyebrows raised in suspense with a slight frown at the sudden interruption. You, on the other hand, were left with your mouth agape, confession cut short and the perfect timing that you deduced ended up being in vain. There was no way that this was reality. âY/N?â
âIâIâll tell you another day. We have to board,â you gripped onto the strap of your backpack tight enough to drain the blood from your knuckles. The disappointment was on par with the times you lost your lead.Â
âIs it something important?â
âWell, sort of? I guess it is,â
âThen you better remember to tell me when youâre ready, okay?â he wagged his finger at you, smiling softly as if he had noticed the drop in your face and was trying to assure you somehow.
âI will. Letâs get going now.â you patted his back, nodding over at the counter where the athletes were getting their tickets scanned and managing to divert his attention away.Â
âIâm in love with youâ. Itâs simple and straightforward, thereâs nothing hard about it for you to say, but why couldnât you tell him that? Even when you tried to do so, it ended up being in a pile of mess, leaving you dejected in the end.Â
Since when has loving your best friend become so hard? Youâve been doing it for the majority of your life, the only difference was that you were aware that itâs romantic now, so whatâs stopping you? Time? Or was it yourself? Maybe it's the fear of vulnerability that feels so heavy. Every shared laugh, every secret whispered in the dark, suddenly carries the weight of possibility. What if these feelings are too big to fit within the bounds of friendship? And yet, isn't love, in all its forms, worth the risk? Â
You were scared, scared of losing the person you just got back and also the possibility of loving someone who knew your strengths and weaknesses too well.
âYou never told me he tried to hit on you while we were there,â
It was the third day of your one week trip back to your hometown with Sunghoon. After the last two days of being stuck with your own families and having to entertain relatives who were too inquisitive, you and him finally got the chance to hang out together without any prying eyes. Getting out of the city once you were done with your public appearances was the perfect plan, it didnât take Sunghoon long before sending you a text telling you to pack your bags. If only he knew how relieved you felt seeing him pull up to your house like prince charming coming to save the day.
Sunghoon wasnât kidding when he mentioned about revisiting your secret hideout. It was right after dinner, the sun had set and the wind was cooler, Sunghoonâs jacket was wrapped around your body despite his constant nagging.  The night sky was littered with constellations of stars above you and Sunghoon, the two of you were sitting on the swings, the park was mostly empty except for a few lingering figures. Â
âI didnât think itâs important,â you muttered, holding onto the swing that youâve sat on ever since you were only a kid, specifically the right swing while Sunghoon occupied the left.Â
âIt is! Itâs literally Thomas Ceccon. Heâs Italian, tall and hotâŚâ Sunghoon trailed off at the sight of you staring at him with an expression of deadpan, clearly unimpressed.
âSounds like youâre the one with the crush instead,â
Sunghoon pressed his lips into a thin line, sighing out a rather loud and big breath. âWhatever. What Iâm trying to say is ⌠itâs just frustrating, okay? I mean, Iâve heard some things about him before that tells me he isnât the best person. Itâs like he thinks he has a chance or something. You donât even need that kind of attention. Youâre way too good for him,â he shifted his gaze, unable to look at you head-on.Â
You searched for his wandering eyes, the shock you experienced from his words and the harshness in his tone that you would seldom hear gave you a slight whiplash. Was he âŚ? Could it be? Jealousy? There was no way, or so you thought whenever you tried to convince yourself that your feelings were one-sided. The small hope burning internally sparked brighter, though the fear of letting yourself down if the truth turned out to be the opposite of what you wanted lingered. âYou worry too much. I donât think about him that way. I ⌠have someone else in mind anyway,â
âYou do?â his spine straightened immediately, head almost getting snapped from his neck at how quick he turned towards you, eyebrows raised so high they were almost touching his hairline.Â
You nodded, strangely calm and collected, unlike the usual jitters that youâd experienced around him whenever youâre close to revealing the truth. âSomeone who gets me, who knows how to make me laugh. Someone who sees me for who I really am,â you paused, your gaze steady. âBut I guess heâs just too oblivious to notice,â
Silence was what followed after, the suspenseful tension turning thicker by the minute. You watched his expressions being scrunched up in deep thought then changing into a mix of confusion that eventually morphed into realisation where he might begin to piece the little things together. âWhatânoâare you ⌠trying to sayââ
âForget it,â you blurted out, standing up from the swing, feeling your heart burning from your own fear and avoidant. You were close, so agonisingly close and yet, you couldnât bring yourself to face the possibilities of the aftermath. It was always you who chose to break your heart first.  Â
âNo, tell me,â Sunghoon got a hold of your wrist before you could get the chance to walk away, following you suit to stand and facing you straight, never once breaking his gaze that was locked onto yours. You were startled from the grip he had on you, the intensity he had in his eyes felt almost palpable, as if he were searching for the words that had lodged themselves in his throat. âTell me, am I the oblivious one? Is that what you think? Because Iâve been feeling like Iâm walking on eggshells around you, afraid to say what I really want. If youâre hinting at something, just say it. I canât keep pretending I donât care or be completely sane when I see some sleazy swimmer trying to approach you, it drives me crazy,âÂ
The heat of his gaze burned through the air between you and him, a mixture of vulnerability and determination that made it hard to look away. Every emotion he felt flickered across his featuresâfear, longing, and an urgent need for you to understand. It was as if, in that moment, the world around you and him faded, leaving only the raw connection pulsing in the space between your breaths.
âPlease, just tell me,â he urged, his voice low and urgent after seeing your silence. âI need to know if Iâm the one youâre talking about or if Iâve been chasing shadows all this time. Because if thereâs even a chance you mean me, then I canât just let this go,â He stepped closer, vulnerability etched on his face. âIâve been scared to say anything, afraid of ruining what we have. But I canât keep pretending I donât feel something more. So, just⌠say it. Please.â
âDo you really want to know?â you took a breath, your heart racing, knowing you were putting whatever it was about your friendship on the line. âBecause if I say it, things might change between us. Youâre my best friend ⌠and I just canât lose you like this,â
Sunghoon ran a hand through his hair, evidently frustrated but trying his best to understand your fears. He could see right through you, you and him were alike in many ways, it didnât take long for him to realise you were scared of losing him again, because to him, that was his fear too. âGod, I hate that word,â
ââLoseâ?â
ââFriendâ,â Sunghoon practically spat out, the word alone was laced with distaste, his chest heaving. He took a step closer, his legs were feeling heavy, the weight pressing onto his chest was becoming apparent. You didnât budge even when his hands travelled to your face, palms rested on both sides of your cheeks. âCanât you see? Iâve laid my heart out for you,â
âThen letâs stop pretending,â you said, your voice was quiet but steady despite the storm in your heart. âItâs you, Sunghoon. Itâs always been you. Iâve tried to ignore it, to push it aside because I didnât want to risk what we have. But every time Iâm with you, itâs like nothing else matters. Iâm scared tooâterrified of losing you, but I canât hide my feelings anymore. You mean so much more to me than just a friend,â you poured out every single undying confession that you had hid as if your life depended on it, desperation and pining was overwhelming you as time passed. âIâm in love with you, Sunghoon, and for as long as I can remember, Iâve always loved you,âÂ
Sunghoonâs eyes widened, a mixture of surprise and something deeper shimmering in his gaze, he froze for a moment, his breath hitching as your words sank in. A rush of emotions flickered across his faceâshock, disbelief, and then a dawning realisation that made his heart race. He searched your eyes, looking for confirmation, as if needing to ensure that this wasnât some beautiful dream. A smile broke through the haze of confusion, a mix of relief and joy. âIâm glad ⌠because Iâve never once stopped loving you either,â
For a heartbeat, the world around you and him seemed to pause, your confession hanging in the air like a delicate thread connecting your hearts. Then, as if pulled by an invisible force, he closed the distance between the two of you even further, his hand remained gently cradling your face.
He leaned in, his breath warm against your lips. You felt your pulse quicken, anticipation and fear intertwining as you still couldnât believe this was actually happening. With a softness that took your breath away, he pressed his lips to yours. It was a tentative kiss at first, filled with all the unspoken words you and him both had held back for too long. But as you melted into each other, the kiss deepened, growing more urgent, more passionate, as if you and him were finally allowing yourselves to feel everything you had been denying.
In that moment, the weight of your fears and the uncertainty of the past faded away, leaving only the electric connection between you and Sunghoon, igniting a fire that had always been there, waiting for this moment to finally ignite.
It was unmistakable, the feeling of his smile against your lips, the same smile that you had kept in your mind ever since you were merely kids. Your best friend, your lover, was undeniably your soulmate, the boy who youâve loved since you were merely a kid had returned to your life as if it was fated for it to happen.Â
The smile was still present on his face even after he pulled away, the look in his eyes was enough to convey every emotion that he had. Foreheads resting against each other, breathless and overwhelmed by the intensity of what had just happened, Sunghoonâs eyes searched yours, a mix of wonder and disbelief lingering in the air between the both of you. He looked at you with such love, adoration and admiration as if you were his world, unaware how full his heart truly was.Â
âYou know, that day at the airport, remember the important thing I wanted to tell you?â you were the first to break the silence, hands resting on each of his shoulders, mainly for support knowing your knees were getting weaker as you continued to process what had just happened.Â
âI do,â
âI actually wanted to confess to you about how I feel,â
âReally? In the middle of the airport? L/N, you never fail to amuse me,â Sunghoon chuckled, his thumb caressing the expanse of your cheek. Another choke of laughter was pulled out from him when you attempted to land a punch on him.
âHey! I thought it was a good setting, the vibes were telling me so,â
His smile only widened, there was a sense of softness that he had in his eyes whenever he was around you, this was one of those instances. âI think I wouldnât have made it onto that flight if you pulled that on me. We wouldâve never made it home,â
âYouâre right. It really wouldâve been quite disastrous, wouldnât it? I never thought about the entire outcome,â
âI wouldnât complain spending a longer time in Paris with you,â he removed his forehead from yours, his features becoming much clearer under the glow of the streetlight. His expression softened, a seriousness returning as he took your hands in his. âThis feels right. Weâve been more than just friends for a while now, havenât we? â
âYeah,â you replied, your heart swelling with hope as you recalled every little, detailed moment with Sunghoon that made you rethink your life choices. âIt really does, â
A moment of silence hung between you and him, filled with the promise of something new and exciting. âSo⌠what do we do now?â you asked, a playful grin on your lips, eager to explore this new chapter together as you always did with him for most parts of your life.
He chuckled, his thumb brushing over your hand. âWell, I guess we figure it out together. No more hiding, right?â
âRight.â you agreed, your smile widening as you stepped into the unknown, hand in hand, ready to embrace whatever came next.Â
Under that night sky which you and Sunghoon had shared and walked under all your life, the two of you spent the rest of your time in that park in each othersâ presence, the air around had changed undoubtedly, but you and him were still the same, there was nothing that could possibly change when it came to the two of you.Â
The stars were shining brighter than usual, the moon was round and illuminated, the endless possibilities were now unfolding before you. With every shared laugh and whispered secret, the world around you felt alive, filled with promise and the magic of new beginnings. As you walked side by side, fingers intertwined, it was clear that this moment was just the beginning of a new path youâd be taking with him.
Under that vast expanse, you realised that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you had each otherâtwo hearts that had always been drawn together. In the quiet of the night, surrounded by the glow of the universe, you felt a warmth blooming between you, a certainty that whatever the future held, you would face it together, side by side.
Two months.Â
That was how long it had been since that night you and Sunghoon got together officially, ending the lengthy and obvious tension that existed way before you and him became friends again. Since then, many things have changed and happened. Sunghoon had returned to train under his original coach, the teamâs success was celebrated by the nation from the point youâve returned from the Olympics and praise has yet to stop in the tabloid with the additional excitement for the swimming world cup. Not only that, you revealed your relationship with Sunghoon to friends and family, receiving exciting screams and some âI knew itâ that you shouldâve known was coming. Everything was finally perfectly in place.Â
Fast forward to the present day, you couldnât believe you were actually standing on top of the world. It was the last day of the final stop of the world cup, the aggregate points from all three separate stops were counted to determine the top three male and female swimmers. Safe to say, ever since the Olympics, your drive for success only came out stronger. It was your determination and headstrong personality that drove you past your limits to emerge as the champion of the world cup.Â
Walking out to the stage and accepting the medal was a surreal experience, you wished someone was there to pinch you and remind you none of it was a dream. Never once in the course of the past weeks have you expected yourself to come out in first place with the highest points. Here you were, standing on stage with your fellow swimmers, facing the fans and giving your speeches, proving yet again that you were indeed the ânational treasureâ.
At the thought of that name, your attention averted towards the stands, scanning through everyone to find the person that youâve been wishing to see most. Instead, a big sign that read âMY GFâS A WORLD CHAMPIONâ caught your eyes, the person that was holding onto it peeked out from behind the sign, revealing his true identity, bringing an amused smile onto your face. Park Sunghoon, your boyfriend who has forfeited the last stop for the sake of his health, had never once missed a single event that you were in. You dared to say that he was your biggest supporter, not only for this instance, but for the majority of your life.
As your eyes locked onto Sunghoonâs, the noise of the crowd faded into a soft hum, leaving only the warmth of his smile and the fluttering in your heart. You didnât need him close to feel his warmth, you could tell from the pride and affection hidden in his eyes that you were about to get the biggest hug when he got his hands on you. You raised a hand, waving enthusiastically, and he responded with a playful flourish of the sign, drawing laughter from those around him.Â
In that moment, everything felt right. The adrenaline from your win mixed with the comfort of his unwavering support, filling you with utmost comfort that you needed all along, making every sore limb and painful nights worth it. Even if you were out there alone, you knew, in the midst of every crowd, there always would be someone present, cheering for you no matter what the circumstances were.
That person would be Sunghoon. The man who you would call your best friend, your confidant, but also your lover. It mightâve taken a while to struggle past your differences and misunderstandings, yet, you managed against the tides washing over you and him, building a bond that surpassed everything. Not only was there trust and admiration, but an unmeasurable kind of love was formed. It would be eternal, an everlasting love that couldnât be washed away, leaving you and him together for as long as you lived.
( Š jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )
#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff#enhypen fanfics#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen drabbles#enhypen scenarios#enhypen smau#enhypen soft hours#enhypen x reader#enhypen fic#enhypen sunghoon#enha#engene#sunghoon#enhypen headcanons#enhypen reactions#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon imagines#park sunghoon#sunghoon drabbles#sunghoon headcanons#sunghoon au#enhypen au#enhypen oneshots#enhypen angst#sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon x you#sunghoon oneshots
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Become Your Dream Girl in 2025
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Defining your dream girl persona
The first step into becoming your dream girl is to have a clear picture of her in your mind. Imagine her life in detail; her aesthetic, her habits, and even her energy. This is the time to get specific.
Visualization Exercise: Sit in a quiet space, close your eyes, and visualize your dream girl persona. How does she dress? What places does she visit? What are her priorities and goals? Let yourself feel her confidence, luxury, and elegance.
Create a Vision Board: Gather photos, quotes, fabrics, and colors that represent this version of you. A physical board can go in your room or closet. It can even be a mini collage you can put on your driver's side mirror in your car. The goal is to see your dream girl's life as real and achievable.
Setting New Year Goals
Your dream girl's life needs structure, so let's break down goals into categories and map out the steps to make it happen.
Categorize Your Goals: List your goals under personal growth, style & beauty, health & wellness, and career & financial. For example, under "Health & Wellness", you might set a goal to try Pilates or to cook more at home.
Monthly Check-Ins: As you go through the year, check in with your goals to celebrate your wins, and adjust as needed. This keeps your transformation on track.
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Mindset Makeover
Confidence & Self-Worth
Your dream girl is confident, magnetic, and knows her worth. Let's build those habits and thoughts that help you embody that energy daily.
Positive Affirmations: Every time you look in the mirror, say things like "I am worth everything good that can happen to me" or any affirmation that you feel suits you best.
Confidence Rituals: Small, daily actions add up to huge shifts in confidence. Make it a habit to dress up on casual days, speak kindly to yourself, and embrace good posture.
Let Go of Insecurities: Identify any insecurities and practice reframing them. Instead of "I wish I was more confident", say "I am becoming more confident every day". Over time, you'll notice how these subtle shifts impact your self-worth.
Mindset for Success
Your dream girl is resilient and always growing, so let's make success part of your mindset.
Growth Mindset: View challenges as chances to learn, whether it's a career move, a new hobby, or even a social situation.
Visualizing Success: Each morning, spend a few minutes visualizing yourself living your dream life. This will keep you focused and motivated.
Morning & Evening Routines: Start each day with intention by setting small goals and expressing gratitude. At night, reflect on the day and celebrate your wins; even the small ones.
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Social Life & Relationships
Social confidence comes from feeling at ease in your own skin.
Elegant Etiquette: Show appreciation with thank you notes, and make an effort to remember names. The vibe for 2025 is to go for traditional, rather than modern. Think classic early 1920's-1950's Hollywood.
Curate Your Circle: Surround yourself with supportive, inspiring friends who uplift you. Leave the ones who don't elevate themselves or try to keep you behind.
Networking Lifestyle: Turn social gatherings into chances to meet like-minded people and to elevate your circle.
(Dating) Standards First: Don't settle; know what you deserve in a partner and communicate it confidently.
(Dating) Playful Energy: Be confident, flirty, and assertive (with yourself, not them). Stay in your feminine energy and let them earn your time and attention.
(Dating) Relationship Goals: Keep dates special and playful. Dress up, go out, and enjoy yourself.
Finances & Career Goals
Your dream girl values luxury, but also financial security. Your career is part of your dream girl identity, so elevate it.
Budgeting: Set aside money for luxuries and self-investment, but keep savings in mind.
Multiple Income Streams: Consider side hustles that align with your lifestyle.
Savings Goals: Whether it's for a designer bag, a trip, or just building wealth, make sure your goals are concrete.
Luxury Workspace: Make your workspace a vibe with candles, flowers, and chic decor.
Network for Success: Connect with mentors and people who inspire you.
Grow with Intention: Set milestones in your career or business, and keep pushing for the next level.
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Health & Wellness
Your body is the vessel of your dream girl, so let's treat it with love and care. Mental clarity and peace are essential for dream girl energy; so let's focus on overall wellness this year.
Exercise: Try Pilates or Barre classes for a toned, elegant look. If that's not your thing, find workouts that create your dream body.
Healthy Eating: Focus on whole foods, lots of veggies, and drink tons of water.
Weekly Reset: Plan a mini detox day where you relax, hydrate, and reset for the week.
Mindfulness Practice: Try a short meditation or breathing exercise every morning.
Stress Relief: Whether it's a quick walk, journaling, or a creative outlet, find a stress relief that's all you.
Boundaries: Say no when needed, and make sure your energy is protected.
Beauty & Style Upgrade
First, a dream girl has that glow, and it all starts with a skincare routine that feels luxurious. You also need to find a style that captures your dream girl vibe, and commit to curating it. Then, you need to develop habits that will help you better your appearance.
Simple Skincare Routine (For Starters): Start with a cleanser for your skin type, followed by a hydrating toner, a serum (like Vitamin C for brightness), moisturizer, and SPF.
Luxury Treatments: Invest in facials or try gentle at-home treatments like dermaplaning once a month for an extra glow.
Nightly Routine: Keep your skin hydrated at night with a heavier moisturizer or an overnight mask.
Personal Style Icons: Think of someone like Serena van der Woodsen from Gossip Girl or a high-fashion model off-duty.
Curating Your Wardrobe: Focus on high-quality staples in neutral tones, like blazers, silky blouses, and tailored bottoms. Invest in timeless pieces that make you feel like a billion dollars.
Signature Look: A dream girl has her thing, whether it's an accessory, a makeup look, or a scent. Find what makes you feel like you and stick with it.
Self-Care Rituals: Prioritize manicures and pedicures, hair masks, and bubble baths. Set aside time every week to pamper yourself.
Polished Look: Even on your most casual days, aim to look put together.
Signature Hair & Makeup: Pick a go-to glam look that embodies your dream girl; maybe that's glossy lips and loose waves (for example).
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Lifestyle & Daily Habits
Your routine should feel luxurious yet practical, setting the tone for each day. Small daily habits can transform how you feel and present yourself.
Weekly Pamper Sessions: Set aside Sunday evenings for facials, skincare, and champagne baths! (Be careful and make sure you're of legal drinking age)
Journaling and Reflection: Each morning, write down 3 things you're grateful for and 3 intentions for the day.
Goal Reviews: Every Sunday, celebrate your wins and see if any goals need a refresh.
The Basic Routine: Make your bed, wake up early, and put on an outfit that feels like you.
Energy-Boosting Habits: A quick stretch, a healthy breakfast, and a moment of quiet can make a huge difference.
Wind-Down Ritual: At night, unwind with tea, a bubble bath, or a short meditation to recharge for tomorrow.
Indulge a Little: Get a weekly coffee treat or a luxurious candle that makes your space feel cozy.
Luxury Experiences: Plan for a special outing every month, like a fancy dinner or spa day.
Signature Scents and Cocktails: Find your go-to perfume and a signature drink like a dirty martini or a bubbly glass of champagne.
Conclusion:
Becoming your dream girl is a journey; one that's glamorous, fulfilling, and full of growth. Each step brings you closer to living the life you deserve.
#leveling up#leveling up tips#level up journey#level up tips#leveling up journey#level up#levelling up#high value mindset#high value dating#high standards#high maintenance#high value woman#that girl#self care#personal development#hypergamy#femininity#hypergamous#hyperfeminine#hyperfemininity#hyper feminine#self development#self image#self help#self improvement#self worth#luxury lifestyle#luxury living#luxury#feminine journey
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awww
just saw your tags asking what life advice sapnap gave flowtives. he was talking about why he doesnât want to go to university because itâs expensive and he doesnât want to be really broke for a degree he isnât sure heâll use and sapnap was talking about how if he really wants to he should take a year off to focus on streaming because university will still be there after even if it means graduating a year later. and flow was like I just donât know how i would explain it to my parents because iâm not super famous or anything. and then sapnap was like if u want we can actually discuss this in depth off stream and i can give you more of my advice and stuff. and flow was like yeah okay i wanna do that later :(
THATS SO SWEET I'LL CRY ;;
#Also there are tech and vocational options if you want some skills but not a full dagree or just freel college isnt going to be your thing.#Like theres certification classes for programming that someone might be interested in that might go well with streaming but are much more#Achievable than a four year dagree both in time and cost#And now you have a skill to use for your goals and possibly to get a job to help uppirt you whole your streaming career gets started#You can also just take a gap year#Many many options
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