#abuse cycle tw

[gbirrd]

6/9 - Jason Todd tarot card designs for Complete Candor by @vexfulfolly as part of the @batfam-big-bang

Read the fic here!

Other cards:

1-Babs 2-Cass 3-Bruce 4-Tim 5-Damian 6-Jason 7-Duke 8-Steph 9-Dick

Image IDs

Image 1:

A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL". A symbol of a gravestone is visible behind the numeral "XV".

A young Jason Todd in his Robin uniform tugs at a thick chain around his neck that comes down from the top of the frame. Matching shackles are around his wrists and he is buried up to his waist in dirt. His head is tilted up towards the chain. There is blood on his hands, arms, chest, and dripping down the right side of his face as well as from his nose.

Image 2:

A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL" upside-down. A symbol of a flame is visible behind the numeral "XV".

Jason Todd faces forward, filling most of the frame. He is in his Red Hood uniform and has narrowed pupil-less white eyes. He is holding the end of a thick chain in his right fist. Flames fill the background and bathe him in an orange light. The entire card is upside-down.

[mxfrodo]

y'all for fucking real. don't fucking write slave fics or x reader fics of aventurine's slavery??? are you guys out of your goddamn minds???

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

thinking about “i may not see you again” “it’s okay as long as I know you’re happy” as a perfect ending to c!tommy's character not just in the fact we may never see him again but it’s okay if we know he’s happy (bc like, tommyinnit spontaneously starts RPing as him sometimes, he’s an OC Haver who constantly brings up his blorbo to the point I’ve noticed and I literally don’t watch the guy, i highly doubt he'll stop all of a sudden he’s been doing it for years) but also in the sense that like. all of c!tommy's trauma was caused by adults who Did genuinely love and care for him in some fucked up way (be it as a brother, comrade, or protege-in-training) but used that love to control and hurt him and treat him like a shiny possession. c!jack affirming he is still loved and cared for but not pushing those boundaries and trying to Enforce their idea of what’s Best for him onto him is such a beautiful end to that pattern. c!tommy can be loved without being caged. sometimes loving someone is accepting you’ll never see them again and maybe that’s best. sometimes it’s letting them choose on their own terms. c!tommy was allowed such little autonomy bc he was seen as unable to know what would be best for Him. being able to be happy on his own terms is something he’s never really been allowed before. like hell even with clingyduo they’re great but they’re also, y’know, clingy, and that is an unhealthy trauma response. they’re not bad people for having it and they’re clearly doing a lot better by the epilogue, but even c!tommy's most positive relationships have had Issues with independence. the fact the last thing we see of c!tommy is him mentioning that he might not ever see someone again and them accepting it as long as it’s his choice while reaffirming that despite everything they love and care for him and want him to be happy is so cathartic and honestly such a sweet ending for him it makes me tear up to think about. the eternal cycle of toxic friendship he was stuck in for years is finally breaking, and he's able to be an autonomous human being even if it’s not what his friends selfishly think is Best For Him.

[batwynn]

About 9 hours ago my mom looked at me and said she’d never even imagine saying the things her mom said to her. This is after 3-5 years of me gently breaking down the abuse she’s been through for her entire life at the hands of her parents, and also-gently reminding her that she broke the cycle of abuse. I’d always have to go a bit sideways at it, like approaching a feral cat, because no one wants to be bludgeoned over the head with such a thing. She’s been so hurt, for so long, and it’s so complicated because of course she loves them. She’s been grieving the people she loved and thought she knew, grieving the death of her father, filled with guilt for not being able to help him more than she already did (and not recognizing that she did literally everything she could for him, including but not limited to putting her life on the line for him) and grieving very little for herself.

So for her to say that out loud to me is… huge.

She also was full fever brain after a covid booster so I don’t know if that will stay with her or if she’ll fever-forget but I need to find a way to acknowledge it better today than my tired-brained ‘yeah, because you were never the asshole even when they kept trying to convince you that you were’ from last night.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this as a reminder: it doesn’t matter if it takes a long time to come to terms with your abuse. It sucks, because you deserve to have your abuse recognized and start healing asap. But you’re not faking it, it did happen, and it was not ‘not that bad’ just because it took time for you to recognize the abuse. Sometimes it takes 50+ years, and it’s almost never linear. Five days from now she will be sure that she was the problem once again because that’s what she’s been told her entire fucking life. And it’s fine. It’s ok. I’ll remind her of the truth as many times as I need to. Healing is complex, and weird, and hard. Give yourself the grace and patience your abusers never granted you.

[edwardsissyhandsthtdanceslikeabb]

romulus roy (succession) x mindless koЯn indulgence's - here to stay (remix) — brainrot presents:

𓆩♡𓆪 photoset

[raineandsky]

Bite at the Hand That Feeds

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

tw: burns, abuse

“Pretty close,” the villain says brightly, “but you’ve done this four times now, and pretty close isn’t close enough. Give me your arm.”

The idea of trying to do anything the villain demands with all of the asshole’s disappointments laid on the hero’s skin is becoming a nightmare. “No.”

“Give me your arm, [Hero], or I’ll take it myself and do it twice.”

Twice the pain. The hero forces his arm out to the villain, his entire body straining to stop him, and with a disinterested hum the villain lays the end of his cigarette on his skin.

“Okay,” the villain says once he lifts the cigarette back to his mouth, relighting its end. “Do it again.”

The hero carefully poises the dagger in his hand, his entire arm screaming with the motion, and brings it down in a carefully practised sweep. The cushion he’s been tragically gutting tears clean open and flicks its fluffy insides all over the floor.

The villain doesn’t say anything for a long moment. The hero risks a glance back at him; the cigarette hangs loosely from his fingers, smoke wafting in front of his face as he stares blankly at his now barely existent cushion.

“Huh,” he says eventually. “You’re finally getting it.”

“If you want me to protect you, why don’t you just let me use something I’m already good at?”

The villain’s gaze slowly tips back up to the hero. “Are you talking back?”

The cigarette moves purposely in the villain’s hand: a promise, a warning. “No, of course not,” the hero says quickly.

“I hope not. I actually want to have a smoke without having to put you in line every five seconds.”

Being out of line is an exaggeration. Sometimes the villain comes home and the hero thinks he might just be looking for an excuse to take his frustration out on his new toy. There’s no rules with the villain—that alone makes it hard to do what he wants.

The villain sighs. “I can’t be bothered with all this. Put that back.”

The hero can feel his stare boring into his back as he carefully lay the dagger on the shelf. This entire room is a death trap; there’s knives and swords and crossbows all over the place. One wrong move and the room would probably kill you. The agency would blanch at a place as unsafe as this.

The villain doesn’t move when the hero stops at his feet. He’s already one stair up, and he’s using the slight height to his advantage. “Do you want to know something, [Hero]?”

There’s a lot of things about this situation the hero would like to know and probably never will. Whatever this is will probably end in one more burn to add to his collection. “Sure.”

“I never asked for this.” The villain’s sigh is punctuated by a stream of smoke from his lips. “I was surprised to find you in my living room because I never wanted you here.”

The idea that the villain is offering a way out is too obviously a trap. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

“I know,” the villain says, and it’s the closest to remorse he’s ever been. “But [Supervillain] gave me a gift I couldn’t turn down and now I have a whole second person living in my house that I’m meant to keep alive. Plants die fast in this place—I’m amazed you’ve outlasted them.”

Being compared to a plant is not the lowest the hero has been since getting here.

“Anyway.” The villain clears his throat awkwardly, like he’s just realised what he’s said. “You’re the bane of my existence and I’m unfortunately stuck with you until [Supervillain] forgets you exist. Stay in your lane until then and pray that I feel merciful once they stop asking about you.”

The supervillain is in the villain’s hair every time they see him, wanting to know how the ‘training’ is going and whether his guard dog is more dog than guard yet.

The hero prays for that every day and still doesn’t get it. He’s stuck here. Probably forever.

He tries his best to accept this as he follows the villain back upstairs.

~~~

Taglist: @epiclamer @nevermore-ramblings

[professorbussywinkle]

Some people have kids because they want a slave...

....Think for a second

The obsession with punishment and discipline and "teaching them a lesson" often in brutal, unforgiving ways that don't teach them to follow their internal guide, but to fear your wrath if they do something you might perceive as wrong

The lack of respect for their bodily autonomy, their feelings, and their personhood

Treating everything they do or say like it's beneath consideration or without any value or significance if it does not serve you in some immediate gratifying way

The overemphasis on obedience being a central factor to how much moral worth they have as a human being

Using the provision of basic necessities(food housing, clothing) to justify mistreating them, treating the provision as something that can be withheld if they misbehave or "step out of line"

Believing their child is somehow always up to no good for no certifiable reason, to justify invading their privacy, denying them access to their social circles and means of communication

Publicly shaming or humiliating their child on camera and posting it on the internet in order to get them to behave in the ways you want them to

Soliciting their child's opinion, then yelling at them for disagreeing with you or "talking back". Also ranting at length about things they know their kids disagree with them about until their kid finally reaches a breaking point and says something, at which point, they're horrible combative children for constantly arguing with you

Treating their emotions as frivolous and pointless, or a sign of weakness not to be expressed freely and openly, forcing them to walk on eggshells around you for fear that anything could potentially set you off

Frequently telling them how lucky they are to not be physically abused. also not telling you what made them angry, leaving you not knowing what it was that upset them and them deliberately not telling you when you inquire about it

Using the excuse "I am your parent, so I know what's best for you" in order to force children to do something that is only meant to make the parent feel in control, and not for their child's well-being.

alluding that you are the sole reason why they can’t do whatever the hell they want and wished you didn’t even exist so they can have more freedom. (This one hits close to home for me)

These types of parents get off on this, literally...in an almost pornographic way it would seem, by pushing around, harming, and denigrating someone who's smaller and weaker than them, by exerting power and control over a little human being who is unable or unwilling to fight back against them, all so they can flex their big boy muscles, all so they can prove they have dominion over you and show you that you have no power to do anything about it, and then deluding themselves about how it's all about "discipline" or "teaching" so they don't feel bad about it

Does it make you feel so fucking powerful??

Does it make you feel so in control??

Does it make you feel so badass??

abusing and traumatizing a vulnerable little person half your fucking size and feasibly being able to get away with it under the guise of "discipline" with no reproach or recourse because you can't or refuse to deal with your own emotional damage??

Demon behavior.

[nerves-nebula]

The thing about being kept in a test tube and tortured is that it gives you a main antagonist (the person torturing you) and something to focus on (escaping) and resolves you all the petty issues that come with having free will and being responsible for your actions or choosing what to do with your life.

It is, in some ways, a relief. To no longer have to prove yourself useful or strong. You’ve already been beaten and captured, but you can still FEEL strong and resilient by struggling and resisting in any way you can get away with.

Meanwhile for Donnie, he finally feels like he’s in control. He can toy with someone and neglect them the way he’s always felt people have done to him. He’s finally the manipulator, the Warden, the God, of some pathetic sniveling creature who is at his complete mercy. He can indulge in all the awful things he’s secretly wished he could do to feel powerful and in control, without feeling too guilty about it because after all- Krang was the one who invaded HIS planet and tried to take over. Krang is an attempted slaver and world dominator. Plus, it was abandoned by its own people. Who would ever come looking for it? Who would CARE?

What I’m trying to say is that Krang and Donnie’s relationship had an inherently erotic undertone from the very start because their traumas and neurosis made them intensely and unhealthy compatable in a few key ways such as *a red dot appears on my forehead*

[ikamigami]

THE CYCLE OF TRAUMA

In this post I'll try to explain how Sun is trapped in a cycle of trauma and I'll try to answer the question whether he can escape it or not and how he can escape it if it's possible.

I think that I know the answer to why Sun is often pushed aside and doesn't even feel like MC in Sun and Moon Show sometimes.. it's because the show is telling two stories.

One story is the one that we see. The one which follows mostly what happens with Moon because Moon does more things than Sun. Sun is doing his own things in the background. Or he's a gag character in most of funny lore episodes. This story is the surface level of watching it and seeing the obvious parallels between events.

It's not a bad way to engage with the show but it's more like watching MCU - easy story to follow with foreshadowing, payoffs and parallels.

But there's also a second story.. a story hidden in details and subtle hints and lines which are echoes of the past events.. and the main character of this story is Sun who is a traumatised victim of abuse.

This is more deep reading of events in the show - we could say it's meta interpretation of it.

I'm not going to lie to you that I found it weird and a bit repulsive how awfully Sun is treated as a victim of abuse.. because his trauma was never addressed properly - Sun could never talk openly about what happened to him and no one even helped him with that.. sometimes they didn't even want to listen to him..

I didn't want to accept that Sun healed off-screen or just even got better off-screen because of how much he went through and things like that just don't magically disappear.. all this trauma couldn't just disappear.. especially if Sun never had a break. His life is traumatising event after traumatising event after traumatising event..

"Stop! How can you say that Sun didn't have a break when he literally did while Solar and Moon took care of everything?" you're probably asking this right now. And my answer is: yes, you're right, Sun literally had a break. Literally - a surface level of watching show.. a story that we see..? You probably don't know what I'm trying to say. But this is exactly why I'm making this post.

Today's episode helped me realize that what's happening right now is just another face of Sun's trauma.

Moon is not only acting similarly to Old Moon but he even tried to guilt-trip Sun and he minimized his trauma by mocking it which was the exact same thing Old Moon was doing during their fights.

Moon even said that only after two years Sun was able to grow a spine to stand up to Moon.. doesn't it sound familiar?

Old Moon said during one of their fights that Sun shouldn't apologize for yelling at him because he shouldn't apologize for having a spine.. hmm.. it's obvious parallel yet it's a reverse one.

Old Moon was trying to make Sun stand up for himself in abusive way.

Now Moon is trying to squash Sun's confidence by laughing at Sun's efforts of trying to stand up for himself which essentially mocks Sun's trauma.

And later when I was watching mgafs episode it dawned on me. Sun went to Monty for help when Moon is dangerous.. doesn't it sound familiar?

The last time Sun went to Monty for help was when kill code reactivated in Old Moon.. but before that Sun went to Monty for help when Lunar was pretending to be Old Moon and they couldn't switch places.

But who told Sun to go to Monty for help if situation with Moon would be too much to handle for Sun? Old Moon.

It seems that Old Moon's words still have an impact on Sun.

But there's more.. Sun locked Moon in a cell just like Old Moon did to him a year ago. Sun decided to use shocks to keep Moon from doing something stupid and harming himself.

It really seems that Sun was influenced by Old Moon's actions.

But also the only helpful thing that Sun knows is talking to Earth because Earth was the one who helped him back then.. so if Earth's words didn't help Moon what else can?

Old Moon never listened to Sun and now Moon also doesn't listen to him. So what left?

He went to Monty for help but it turned out that Monty can't help. Monty's words don't work anymore with Moon like they used to with Old Moon. Monty and Foxy's only solution is to forcefully snap Moon out of it by endangering Sun at expense of Bloodmoon's life cause who cares about Bloodmoon..

So the only answer is violence. But if you think about it Sun's life is filled with violence to the brim. Old Moon used to solve their every problem with violence. New Moon also tried to solve their every problem by killing whoever he deemed an enemy.

Sun tried to talk with Eclipse but it didn't work. The only thing that left was to expell him from his head which was a death of OG Eclipse.

He tried to warn Bloodmoon. It didn't work and he killed them in self-defence.

He tried to listen to V2 Eclipse (Eclipse with the star) but Eclipse could only threaten them and told them to kill Lunar. So the only thing that left was to push Eclipse through the portal and Moon killed him.

He tried to talk to New Bloodmoon but it didn't work either and the only thing that left once again was violence.

He convinced Moon to help Ruin which turned out to be Solar's and trillions of others' lives doom. So what left? They had to lock Ruin but it created more problems - Molten trying to kill him and now Ruin is once again working with Bloodmoon and we can only imagine that they're up to no good. So they'd most definitely have to use violence.

Sun tried to resolve things differently. He tried to help. But none of this worked. His help only made things worse. And everyone's answer seem to be only violence.. violence violence violence violence violence violence violence..

So it's not surprising at all that Sun is doing what Old Moon taught him. Even if it isn't what Sun wants. And the worse thing is that now others are trying to force him to make a decision that will have an impact on everything. It'll either work and things will get better or it won't and everything will get worse.

You may say that Sun has Earth and Lunar as a support. But while it is true that he still has them they already expressed that they don't want to help. And let's be honest, neither Earth nor Lunar did much to help Sun with his trauma. They aknowledged it but that's it. Lunar never talked about it with Sun. And the only thing Earth did was apologizing to Sun for making him sad by mentioning Old Moon's death because she knows how hard it is for him.

But it isn't what Sun needs. He needs help. You may say "why he doesn't talk to them about his trauma?" The thing is he tried. But when he needed help the most - after Old Moon's death - they told him to move on or Moon straight up yelled at him for just simply mentioning Old Moon.

So it's not surprising that Sun doesn't try to open up about it anymore. Because he learned that it's better not to do that. And that's why he thinks that his issues are less important than others' problems. Because no one cared to help him. But because Sun knows that they love him so there's only one reason why they didn't help him. And this reason is that his issues aren't that much of a big deal. Why should he bother others with his issues when others don't seem to care that much? They probably don't care that much because these issues aren't real problems.. I bet that this is what Sun thinks about that.

Let's get back to the main topic of this post. Sun is trapped in a cycle of trauma. From the beginning of his existence the only thing he knows is trauma. First with Old Moon who abused him physically, mentally and emotionally. Later Old Moon promised to change yet he left Eclipse in Sun's head which created another trauma for Sun and Old Moon didn't stop being abusive. Later when they thought that they defeated Eclipse another problem appeared - Bloodmoon. But it wasn't enough because it turned out that there's new Eclipse who activated Old Moon's kill code reopening Sun's trauma.

Eventually Sun's already poor mental state worsened even more and he experienced psychotic episode. And what others did at that time? They abandoned Sun and because he was too detached from reality he wasn't able to stop himself. And in such state he did things that he regrets. But even if he regrets them he can't do anything about it. He has to live with consequences of his actions even if he wasn't at fault for neither Old Moon's nor Lunar's death. But it only deepened his trauma.

At that point Sun thought that the only solution is to die hoping for fresh start like Moon had. Hence why he decided to be conduit for star's power and tried to sacrifice himself. Thankfully he survived and Eclipse was gone. Things seemed to get better. Unfortunately Sun's family didn't help him with his trauma at that time. Even if it was the best time to adress his issues considering that he was still suicidal back then.

Though Ruin already was a threat. After all he kidnapped Sun and the way Moon dealt with it wasn't the best - reminding Sun of his trauma once again. Yet back then Ruin's threat seemed so distant. Until he decided to bring Bloodmoon back. And also Solar's appearing disrupted dynamics in the family regardless of this being unintentional. Then Ruin blew up the Daycare and Sun and Moon were sent to Ruin's dimension.

And even if later things seemed to get better once again it wasn't long before Bloodmoon completely mauled Earth's body and they had to deal with them and also Stitchwraith threatened that if they'll try to interfere he will do worse things then simply kidnapping Earth.

At that time Sun seemed very distanced from everyone. He had serious memory issues and he wasn't answering any messages and calls. It didn't seem good.

And then Eclipse returned once again. And we all of a sudden found out that Sun was feeling great until Eclipse's return.. it doesn't add up.

And later Sun decided to leave everything to Moon and Solar to deal with while he was spending time alone in their house, drinking wine and relaxing with his cats.. and he seemingly got better. He just needed a break.

It doesn't make much sense when you consider everything Sun went through. Yes, on surface level Sun seems to be doing much better and break helped him.. but is it actually true?

If we look at it deeper through lense of a story of very traumatised victim of abuse.. it seems that this was Sun's another attempt at breaking the cycle of trauma. The first attempt was sacrificing himself. Second was to try and avoid getting engaged with anything. After all when he tried to help everything got worse. So he naturally tried to do the opposite.. which turned out even worse.

Solar died because of Ruin's plan and he wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for Sun convincing Moon to help him. Moon is now losing his mind because of Solar's death and like Sun said he wishes that he said more to Moon when he had mental breakdown. And now Moon is acting worse than Old Moon and Sun is basically reliving his trauma. Sun is trying his best to keep his family together but is he actually able to do that?

You may think that he is.. but when you consider Sun's mental state - depressive psychosis and delusions centered around guilt and unworthiness making Sun feel like he's the one who is bad.. it doesn't seem likely.

You can disagree with me but there's plenty of evidence that support my claim. Also Moon told Sun that he has a little bit of Eclipse in him still.. and not so long ago Eclipse told Sun that he would make a good Eclipse when this is exactly what Sun was afraid of a year ago. And Lunar back then told him that he's acting exactly like Eclipse.

I'm pretty sure that it's affecting Sun. As much as he tries to say otherwise. That Moon's words doesn't have any impact on him anymore. It's not true. After all, we can still see how much Old Moon's words affected him.

Having all of this in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if Sun ended up blaming himself for what happened. Also considering that things will get worse soon. After all, Taurus is after Lunar and he'll either execute them immediately or put them to test.. which probably won't be anything nice. And Earth is hiding that she's friends with Eclipse and she trusts him more than her family because she tells Eclipse things that she wouldn't say to them. And who knows what Ruin and BM will do. And lastly.. Sun will find out soon that Dazzle is victim of July 16th incident. It doesn't look too good for him.

Even if Sun keeps going for his family. Will he be able to take more of this?

I don't think so. Because why then showrunners didn't let things to get better even if a bit? Why everything seems to get worse?

But is there a way for Sun to escape the cycle of trauma? He tried to sacrifice himself which even if it'd ended with him being dead he still would do something good, right? He'd protect his family. He tried to distance himself from everything to not make things worse with his help. But it ended up making everything even worse. So is there any option left for Sun to break the cycle?

Yes, the help of others. Unfortunately it doesn't seem likely. Even now when Sun is clearly suffering he still chose not to talk about his own feelings but focused on Moon. Even when he's hurting so much that Monty and Foxy found Sun crouching outside Monty's house. Yet he didn't say anything. And what they did to help him? They told him that he needs to make a decision that he isn't capable to make in the state he is right now.

But what about Earth and Lunar? Like I said Lunar will have a much more concerning problem soon enough. And when Sun will find out about Earth's secret.. I doubt he'll trust her to talk about his own issues. You may say that he can change his mind about Eclipse. Maybe normally he could but not now. Not when he's reliving his trauma and his mental state is threatening to worsen. Sun isn't in any condition to deal with his own issues with Eclipse unless Eclipse will surprisingly not insult Sun and will be able to convince him that he wants to help. But Sun isn't in the right state of mind to deal with it, to rethink everything between the two of them and try to forget about trauma Eclipse caused him and his family.

And when Sun will learn the truth about Dazzle.. I wouldn't be surprised if it'll be a final straw for him.

So what else left? How can break the cycle? The answer is he can't. He could with a help of his family but it really seems not to be an option.

Though there's one thing that will stop the cycle of trauma once and for all. And it's death. You may say that Sun already tried to do that. Yes but also no. Back then Sun thought that he'll be lucky if he get reset and if not he'll at least sacrifice himself to protect his family.

But what about now? There's a plan to put Sun in dangerous situation that will cause Sun harm in order to snap Moon out of the state he's in. But if it won't work Moon will kill Bloodmoon and then I doubt that he'll stop at that. And then what?

This plan is messed up because no one can be sure if it'll work and there are very high chances that Moon's mental state will worsen either way. I bet that Sun will try to help no matter what.

Edit: I forgot to mention that Foxy wanted Sun to decide when he'll say enough is enough and he let them kill Moon which isn't an option for Sun - imagine keep going with this in mind that the life of your brother depends on your decision.

But when things will get worse will he be able to keep going? After all he wasn't able to help anyone, to stop anyone, to comfort anyone.. he tried everything yet things only got worse. And because of Sun's mental issues I'm pretty sure that he'll blame himself for everything. So even if Sun will still have Earth and Lunar (maybe).. can he be sure that his decisions won't end up harming the rest of his family?

I wouldn't be surprised if Sun will consider taking his own life as an answer to how stop this madness. If he thinks that all of this is his fault and he even expressed that himself that he was wondering if it'd be better if Moon and him never separated.. and even if Sun went to dimension where they separated but Eclipse never happened and they seem to have happy lives. That Moon didn't help Sun that much and even if he said that deep down Moon still cares.. now Sun learned that it isn't true. Sun can't handle this anymore.

Sun's mental state seems to be not good but considering what is about to happen it'll only get worse. I doubt that Sun will be able to think it through and stop himself from doing it while everything around him is collapsing and he thinks that it's all because of him..

I won't say that he'll succeed because there's high chance that someone will stop him or even if he'll attempt it he may end up heavily injured or in a coma and not dead dead.

But seeing how showrunners keep making things harder and worse for Sun and knowing that Davis wanted to include topic of suicide but previously received backlash for that though it seems that the issue either got resolved or they decided to implement it anyway it seems highly likely that Sun may try to kill himself.

I'm not saying that he'll do that but this is just my hypothesis based on the analysis of events in the show and meta analysis of Sun's character and that his character represents a story of traumatised victim of abuse. I'd rather have them addressing it even if it'd mean that Sun will attempt suicide then them completely ignoring it showing viewers that "screw victims of abuse".

We may argue about whether VAs are doing good job with portraying this things in the show but I don't want to immediately say that there's no hope and that they just don't care about the fact that they made Sun to be a victim of abuse.

I'm trying to be positive about this and I hope that Sun's trauma eventually will be addressed. I'm trying to trust the process. Maybe I'm a fool for doing so but whatever. I don't care about it.

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

lip, fiona, and frank: refractions, not reflections

writing this because i think people talk a lot about lip and fiona 'turning into' frank as the seasons go on because they inherit his alcoholism, yet that doesn't really capture the exact nature of their character arcs and isn't entirely fair to them as individuals.

i personally think the fact that they inherit his addiction issues make their stories so interesting because alcoholism doesn't manifest in their characters/story arcs the same way it does in frank's. also, the fact that they actually want to recover (and do!) makes them so fundamentally different from him that it's astounding.

not saying that they don't inherit frank's anger, or his cleverness, or etc., but i don't think their inheritance of his alcoholism is a 1-to-1 comparison and that's narratively important!!! (restricting my english major analysis to under the cut).

frank, notably, drinks and does drugs throughout the show because, as he claims, it’s his way of life; getting out of his mind and partying is what makes him happy. it gives him purpose in life. it numbs the pain. he could recover if he wanted to (like in season one), but his sense of self is so tied up with his addiction that doing so would mean killing the version of himself frank likes best. booze was his first love; he’ll never leave it. and he’s passed it on to his children.

lip

i think lip’s alcoholism arc was so poignant and painfully realistic in the show. him talking about how he started drinking at 12 (influenced by frank, it’s easy to presume) to numb the pain of his fucked up life was just heartbreaking, and him getting drunk with frank in season two when he feels aimless and scared and lost after graduating high school was like a punch to the gut. it’s clear that his addiction comes not just from a place of wanting to fit in and being socialized into thinking it’s normal and fine by his father and neighborhood, but also out of a desire for relief.

the first time he gets help, he treats it like a joke. like his father, he doesn’t believe in aa, pokes fun at the 12-step program, rations his chips so he can continue drinking. he’s in denial about his problem, which is chilling to see.

the scene where he’s in the bar downing vodka in the middle of the day and kev confronts him for dropping out of college by saying “that’s where your father sits every day” is so painful. because frank was in college, too, before his crazy relationship and his addictions and self sabotage derailed his life, and lip could go the exact same way.

and lip is still convinced he’s fine. it’s reminiscent of frank’s assertions that he doesn’t have a problem, that he could stop anytime, that everyone’s making a big deal out of nothing. neither he nor lip are fooling anyone.

but what distinguishes lip's addiction from frank's is that lip doesn’t just drink because he likes it and the person it makes him; he starts to not, actually, like the person it makes him. it's just tgat his life is falling apart around him. he’s stressed from college (where he feels he doesn't belong), from helène (who doesn't want him), from youens (who he desperately wants to please). he gets sloshed at parties to let loose and have fun and just forget about everything for once and escape.

the main difference between them is that escapism; lip doesn't necessarily enjoy being drunk, he just does it to feel good, to party, to just let go and leave his shitty life and choices behind. but notably, he isn't satisfied with escapism or empty fun the way frank is; he wants more. he knows he and the people around him deserve more.

the second time he gets help, it’s because his eyes have been opened to his problem. frank, of all people, calls him out. things with sierra go to shit. and he knows he needs help for real this time. it’s not easy; he struggles, is lost in terms of career and education and relationships for a bit, and he relapses sometimes. but he fights it because he doesn’t want to be like his father.

really, frank led lip down the path of addiction in the first place, and not wanting to continue down that path is what makes him want to get better.

fiona

fiona’s shown drinking pretty regularly throughout the show, as well as doing drugs in s4, but her alcoholism doesn’t hit a peak and come to the forefront of her issues until her life goes to complete shit in s9.

her boyfriend betrays her. she loses her job and her apartment complex. her attempts to make money all go down the drain. her dreams are shattered. no one in her family needs her anymore (something she's built her entire identity on, which leaves her completely unmoored). so she goes to the alibi every night and gets hammered because she’s lost and needs to forget. which is all too familiar...

but what’s interesting is that frank actually confronts her about being a “bad drunk.” he expresses again that he enjoys drinking, has fun with it, takes it slow and has a good time, but accuses fiona of not knowing when to stop. this is true. frank’s alcoholism is his way of life, but fiona’s is a cry for help. it is self destructive at its core.

fiona drinks to forget, sure, but she doesn't drink to have fun or feel good or loosen up enough to party; she's still miserable the entire time she's drunk and intentionally goes far enough to black out every night. she's seeking escape, too, but not just from the world; fiona drinks because she's so deep in her own self-loathing she wants to get away from herself. she wants to destroy herself.

and she's in denial about it, too! she doesn’t realize she has a true problem until she almost gets robbed or potentially hurt by some guys at patsy’s. she doesn’t seek help until lip kicks her out - which is a whole other issue - and it’s then that she realizes she needs help.

but unlike lip, who has support in his recovery from his family and friends, fiona’s alone. her family isn’t understanding; they give up on her in the name of “tough love.” she’s on her own. but she does it.

and it makes her realize she doesn’t have to stick around and feel useless and sad. it's not the person she has to be, not anymore. getting sober made her realize her potential - and what she needed to do to reach it. it made her realize she could leave. getting sober made her free.

in conclusion

it's perfectly fair to say fiona and lip inherit some of frank's qualities due to their abuse/neglect/parentification/etc at his hands, as well as their poor coping mechanisms for their shitshow of a life. but their relationship with alcohol - and recovery - are fundamentally different.

ultimately, the fact that they choose recovery at all is the biggest indicator of their difference from him. because frank only ever recovers for money or for a dare; never for the things that matter, like his health or his children. fiona and lip, however, care about their family and friends and don't want to hurt them. they want to be better individuals. they want to learn how.

their desire to do good, when compared to frank's utter disregard for the world around him, is truly at the crux of their identities and makes them, honestly, leagues better than their father.

[praetoravila]

and i wonder how far back the line crawls - @jademickian

taglist: @raging-violets @ceruleanmusings @myloveforhergoeson @nolanhollogay @bibaybe @daughter-of-melpomene @happinessismagicc

[hersheysmcboom]

Harley: hey,look who’s away in a mager

Tony: not funny, (continues to cry)

Harley: why are you here?

Tony: oh you know, just hanging out with Mary, you know, like me her having a kid was a surprise but after that she pretty much hit it out of the park.

Harley: why are you crying?

Tony (crying) those stories you told about me, I was so awful to you, how can I ever make it up to you?

Harley: you may not realize it, but you already have, I can tell those stories because they don’t hurt me as much any more, I have learned to move on, I’m happy with our relationship now.

[rabble-dabble]

i am not broken, there is nothing fix. im not difficult; im worth loving. im not a manipulator; im just a scared, angry, sensitive person. im not broken; i have childhood ptsd. im not hysterical, i was reacting to something terribly traumatic. There is nothing wrong with me; there was never anything wrong with me. i was a child. i was a child. i was a child. i was a child. i was a child. it didnt break me and it didnt make me stronger. it was just abuse

[syn-ch]

"nobody can see all the calor!e-counting, m3asuring, f4st1ng and w4lking. all they can see is your body" yes but the freaks(endearingly 🩷) on tumblr do 😔

[bornetoblood]

Okay fuck it, Gehrman, Maria and the Doll Post.

Buckle in bucko cus I have lots of thoughts. This isn’t really evidenced or a lore post, it’s just a compelation of assorted Rat (tm) opinions on these three’s relationship and how it intersects with some of those delicious themes in my brain.

Gehrman, Maria and the Doll are, basically, about legacy to me- particularly Gehrman’s failure to secure the continuation of his hunters through Maria.

We know Maria as Gehrman’s apprentice, possibly one of a few but that is left vague, that he had a “curious mania” in regards to her that she was unaware of. This “mania” to me is Gehrman’s desire to keep his legacy going, his methods of hunting and the workshop (kinda like a parental figure trying to make their child a little them). This is reflected in Maria’s desire to gain strength through practice and her dexterity, not innate abilities.

They have a pretty wholesome dynamic of ‘mentor you trust enough to kinda consider your dad’ thing going if you ignore all the murder. Maria being separated from her Cainhurst family as she deliberately distances herself from them and Gehrman (who is very very family oriented to me) likes looking after people.

Maria’s acceptance of the First Hunter 2.0 role, however, runs up to the Fishing Hamlet Massacre, and then crashes.

The Hamlet and the events there forced Maria to realise the violence such a role entails. Additionally, I can see her putting two and two together about what exactly the beasts are here also. Unlike Gehrman, she doesn’t see the murder of these people as an act of mercy, and forgos her status as a hunter, throwing away the Rakuyo. This creates a divide between them and they aren’t as close ever again.

When the Healing Church gets going, they both participate. Gehrman does his whole ‘hunting from the shadows’ deal while Maria works in the research hall. They get into arguments sometimes about their different views of the hunt and its validity, and Maria’s depression progressively worsens as the Research Hall gets more violent and her crush gets slugs put in her brain. She is complicit in the Research Hall out of a desire to ease the pain of the patients and this compounds the guilt she’s still feeling from the Hamlet. This guilt, eventually, leads to her death.

Gehrman doesn’t take this very well. As a result, he gives up hunting and isolates himself; having failed in his mission to create a lineage of hunters, help Maria with what she was going through, and simply be an alright dad to her. He misconstrues Maria’s more masc presentation, her headstrong and dynamic personality, as an extension of the hunt and thus strips those qualities of her in his attempt to memorialise her.

Gehrman, foolishly, thinks that he alone is to blame for Maria’s disillusionment. He thinks that Maria would’ve been the most comfortable as a traditional feminine figure (he.... doesn’t know many women, only what he’s read in books). So this is what the Doll is- Gehrman’s attempt to atone for making Maria’s life miserable.

This is complicated when Flora brings the Doll to life to accompany Gehrman in the Dream; the Doll is nothing like Maria because they have been stripped of everything that made Maria who she was. Gehrman just avoids them as a result, effectively abandoning his wooden child without them having a clue why.

The Doll is not Maria. Although it’s implied they share some memories (or the feelings those memories evoke) and the Doll is put at ease when Maria is put to rest in the Nightmare, I see this more as Great One shenanigans than them being the same person. Flora animating the Doll with Gehrman’s memory of Maria is the most interesting take to me- he’s forgotten a lot about her and what’s left is someone unrecognisable with the same voice. 

And that’s where it stays. The Doll is an animated product of grief who unintentionally freaks Gehrman out and makes him feel sick and they have 0 idea what they’re doing wrong.

[uncanny-tranny]

Brainstorming in your inbox a bit, I hope that's okay.

It's like. When you were abused as a kid and have mental health issues from that. At a certain point people stop seeing the abuse as the issue and instead you become the issue.

So instead of viewing it as "this person has been hurt incredibly badly and needs support" it's "this person has mental health issues and is therefore a problem". Like there's no room in society for the messiness of trying to heal from childhood abuse, because the mental health issues are seen as something for the person to hide so that the people around them aren't negatively impacted. There's so much focus on stopping people with mental health issues from hurting others (usually in ways that create stigma and further traumatize people), and not enough on actually helping traumatized people.

And the "not inconveniencing others" thing goes beyond the mental health issues. There's a lot of things that are considered "basic life skills" or "societal norms" I've had to learn as an adult and people can be really rude about it, especially when it negatively affects them. Like me learning to set boundaries is actually really good for my mental health, but the people inconvenienced by it just view me as being a "crazy bitch".

Idk I'm just trying to do my best to exist in the world and not harm others and take care of myself. It's exhausting trying to live up to the standards of people who haven't experienced childhood abuse while they refuse to acknowledge how deeply I am impacted by the abuse. And as much as I just want to say "screw that" to their standards and expectations, that can lead to me getting hurt so it's not as much of an option as I wish it was.

Anyways campfire marshmallows for all of us. We deserve it.

That makes sense, it seems like a lot of people have these hypotheticals about how we "should" act, what makes a perfect victim, and how we ought to exist that leaves us in just as bad a place, sometimes, as the abuse itself.

I don't think a lot of people would be comfortable acknowledging this, but the push to be a good victim and to be palatable was honestly just as bad as the abuse that I came from. People don't like the idea that they could do "just as bad" as the Bad People, I suppose, and so it becomes easy to dissociate the abuse from the person who experiences/experienced it.